#175 - Dina Hashem

Dina Hashem joins the pod to discuss her newfound passion for drumming, busking with her boyfriend, being the only girl at the arcade, barely speaking to her stepdad throughout her childhood, being a Muslim weeb, and much more. Dina and Stav help callers including a man whose fiancée told her sister that she's still obsessed with her ex, and a woman whose good friend is always putting her on blast. Follow Dina Hashem: https://punchup.live/dina-hashem https://dinahashem.com/ https://www.twitter.com/dinahashem_ https://www.instagram.com/dinahashem_ Thank you to our sponsors!! Ziprecruiter - try it free at https://www.ziprecruiter.com/stavvy Visible - https://www.visible.com switch now! Chubbies - Get 20% off with code STAVVY at https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/stavvy ☎️ Want to be a part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice! 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Stavros Halkias?

  Hey listeners, Stavi here. Thank you for tuning into Stavi's World each week. If you want to hear new episodes ad-free, subscribe to Sirius XM Podcast Plus on Apple Podcasts, or visit SiriusXM.com/podcastplus to listen with Spotify or another app of your choice. Bubba, welcome everybody to Stavi's World. 904-800-Stavi. Call in, we'll solve all your problems. We have, is this the first time you've done this podcast?

• 0:30Speaker 01

  No, I did it like years ago. I think that's the last, I'm sorry.

• 0:35Speaker 01

  I did it, I did it.

• 0:36Stavros Halkias?

  I think you did the Twitch version, like the pandemic version.

• 0:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And I think that's the last time I also talked to you. It was on that podcast.

• 0:44Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, we've texted to try and get you on the podcast.

• 0:48Speaker 01

  Oh, that's right, that's right.

• 0:48Stavros Halkias?

  All my relationships with my friends from 10 years ago are like, hey, can you do my podcast? No, I can't. Can you do my podcast? No, I can't. What about, and then like, don't talk to them at all. Five months later, hey, can you do my podcast? So many people, it is so funny doing open mic comedy with the same people because you, we honestly saw each other, there was like 40 people, 40 to 80 people that you would see one to nine times a week for five years. And like, you know, I still talk to maybe like, I don't know, 12 of them. You know what I mean? Like there's, we're not going to do it now because it would be, there's no worse podcasting than us remembering open micers from 10 years ago. We're like, hey,

• 1:33Stavros Halkias?

  remember that guy? Remember that guy?

• 1:34Speaker 01

  We could spend a whole hour doing that. I would have a blast.

• 1:37Stavros Halkias?

  That's honestly Patreon exclusive. Like, we gotta get, we gotta get like a round table of like six of us to be like, dude, what about that guy?

• 1:46Speaker 01

  Oh, he's got cancer now. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:49Stavros Halkias?

  By the way, it gets sad. That game gets sad because like the ones, us that's had of, like, the ones that achieved their dreams, our lives are bad.

• 2:00Speaker 01

  Oh, totally, right.

• 2:01Stavros Halkias?

  Compared to, like, okay, my life is good, obviously, compared to most, if you, compared to like, a fat idiot from Bolt, like, if you take my stats, my life is good, but when you compare it to like, the other people making this amount of money, I have the worst life. Like, that's the thing about comedians, we will be the saddest, worst, whatever, whatever we achieve in the room, we're the biggest loser of whatever room we're in.

• 2:24Speaker 01

  Right.

• 2:25Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean?

• 2:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, okay.

• 2:27Stavros Halkias?

  Like, except maybe, I don't know, there's probably some, like, honestly, maybe, going full circle, maybe those open mic, like, maybe some of them have achieved a certain zen happiness.

• 2:39Speaker 01

  Oh, I know people who left comedy and they're the happiest they've ever been, and I'm like, I need to do that. I need to just start a family.

• 2:49Stavros Halkias?

  I know.

• 2:50Speaker 01

  I think Jordan Peterson's right. I think I just need to start a family. I'm so sick of pursuing ambitions. It just gives me anxiety. It just upsets me. Like, I don't know if you ever feel that, but like...

• 3:00Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, of course.

• 3:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:01Stavros Halkias?

  No, because like, for me, it's the opposite, where it's like, I'm like, wait, every time I succeed, I'm more depressed than ever.

• 3:10Speaker 01

  It's never enough.

• 3:11Stavros Halkias?

  It's never, like, it's, it's, it's like, everything's repeating itself, because it's like, I feel like, I learned this lesson, and then you get another round of opportunities that you don't say no to, and then you're like, wait, I thought I knew not to do this, but...

• 3:25Speaker 01

  Because it feels like if you say no, it's never gonna come again, right?

• 3:28Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly. But who cares?

• 3:29Speaker 01

  That's...

• 3:30Stavros Halkias?

  You know?

• 3:30Speaker 01

  That's where I'm at, you know? I just wanna be like, you know what, I mean, I've totally changed. I'm like, I'm a drummer now. I really came here to say, I want to transfer my career, and if you have a bit...

• 3:41Stavros Halkias?

  You're trying to transfer credits?

• 3:42Speaker 01

  I am. And if I could, I, I am so honest with you, if I could transfer all my comedy credits into a drumming career. If anybody has like a successful moderately lucrative band and you need a drummer, I'm here to be like, I can play Toxicity now.

• 3:56Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, hell yeah. Toxicity, nice.

• 3:59Speaker 01

  It's not, yeah, thank you.

• 4:01Stavros Halkias?

  What about the drummer for like, what if you went like, cause we, cause I've been playing a lot of casinos this year?

• 4:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:08Stavros Halkias?

  And I think maybe the most successful, the only successful bands are cover bands.

• 4:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:13Stavros Halkias?

  What if you were like in a, like, like whoever's doing Prince cover band? There's a guy that we've seen his poster on like five different casinos.

• 4:21Speaker 01

  Oh, my God, really?

• 4:21Stavros Halkias?

  So I don't know, maybe you could, or maybe like.

• 4:23Speaker 01

  That's a little depressing, but, you know.

• 4:24Stavros Halkias?

  But listen, you're trying to get a, you're trying to become a blue collar.

• 4:27Speaker 01

  No, I'll start there, no.

• 4:28Stavros Halkias?

  You're trying to become a blue collar drummer. You're too good for fucking casinos?

• 4:31Speaker 01

  No, I'm not, I'm not, no, I'm not, I take it back, I'm so sorry. It would actually be my dream to be in a Prince casino cover band right now.

• 4:37Stavros Halkias?

  It doesn't have to be Prince.

• 4:38Speaker 01

  Okay, well.

• 4:38Stavros Halkias?

  And in fact, maybe if you did some kind of gimmick, like there was that old girl, old like girl lesbian Led Zeppelin band called Les Zeppelin?

• 4:48Speaker 01

  Oh, my God, that's good.

• 4:49Stavros Halkias?

  It's so, if you do, like gimmick wise, I don't know, is there like a girl Muslim angle?

• 4:54Speaker 01

  I think there could be, um, well, so right now, I mean, me and my boyfriend, we, I mean, the most fun thing in my life right now is playing Under the Arches in Grand Army Plaza for nobody.

• 5:04Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow. Oh, Matt, you've lost it.

• 5:08Stavros Halkias?

  We haven't talked in a while. You're fucking busking with your fucking boyfriend?

• 5:12Speaker 01

  I'm not.

• 5:12Stavros Halkias?

  Do you guys have a fucked up dog that you, that lives outside?

• 5:15Speaker 01

  I do.

• 5:17Stavros Halkias?

  Are you fucking, are you, are you living in train cars, Dina? We said your name is Dina Hashem, by the way, I didn't say, I was like, hey, have you ever said, have you ever, and I just didn't introduce you? That's, that's, that's how pro this show is. So wait, wait, wait. What you do for fun?

• 5:33Speaker 01

  Listen.

• 5:35Stavros Halkias?

  Stay under Grand Army Plaza?

• 5:37Speaker 01

  I started dating.

• 5:38Stavros Halkias?

  A snare drum?

• 5:40Speaker 01

  Uh, he has a full drum kit. I mean, what I tell you about his life?

• 5:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 5:43Speaker 01

  He's a true, I mean, he is a, he is, okay, so he's a jazz music, you know, when you go to the park and you see the jazz trios?

• 5:51Stavros Halkias?

  This is interesting, I like this because the last time we, when, you know, and everyone, check out Stavi Solves Your Problems, the forerunner to this show, but I think you, is this, is this a new boyfriend, right?

• 6:00Speaker 01

  This is a new boyfriend.

• 6:01Stavros Halkias?

  You also had a weird, I feel like you've had a series of strange relationships where like, you had like a longest relationship with somebody from like a weird place?

• 6:08Speaker 01

  Norway.

• 6:08Stavros Halkias?

  Norway, yes, yes, yes. You know that classic New York to Norway fucking direct flight? You can just catch.

• 6:15Speaker 01

  I've buried the memory of that entire relationship and I'm so triggered that you brought that up.

• 6:22Stavros Halkias?

  Damn, sorry to bring it up, but it's just very funny to like, every time I check in, it's like, you're like on a, in a long distance relationship with someone across the country, uh, world. And now you've met a jazz drummer who, and where did you guys meet? Let's, yeah.

• 6:36Speaker 01

  Oh, uh, the apps, you know?

• 6:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, sure.

• 6:38Speaker 01

  But, uh, but he's domestic. He lives in the same city as me and I love that about him and, uh.

• 6:46Stavros Halkias?

  Now, how much do you know that you like him or is it just that he's in the same city as you?

• 6:51Speaker 01

  Well, he is trapped in the city because he needs the park to make, to make a living. So I love that. I know he's not going anywhere.

• 6:59Stavros Halkias?

  Whenever you hear you can't find him, you just go to every like public place in New York? You're like, what, what, what subways have the best acoustics? Maybe my boyfriend's there.

• 7:10Speaker 01

  You know, it's actually a real thing. You need a permit to play on the subway and he gets them and it's a whole program. Listen, no, I think I really respect what he does. No, no, truly, I, I don't want to seem like I'm making light of him.

• 7:21Stavros Halkias?

  I know you're not, I, I'm the one who's doing it. For the record, Dina is supporting her boyfriend. I am the one who's laughing at how, what is going on in her life. But at the same time, I'm not saying you haven't found happiness. I'm just, you know, it's just a fun development.

• 7:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, I mean, no, he's really, I, I love it. I really love playing outside and like just people come and they really like it.

• 7:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 7:43Speaker 01

  Follow, uh, I created a page for.

• 7:48Stavros Halkias?

  Holy fuck, you're plugging, you're fucking outdoor drumming. This is fucking dark.

• 7:54Speaker 01

  Oh my God, this isn't really dark. I don't know.

• 7:57Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, it's hilarious. I actually, it's not, going back to our discussion of like, of like, you know, just doing stuff that's awesome. I do think playing music outside is more with somebody that you love is much more fulfilling than, for example, uh, putting a bunch of fucking lights in your living room and being in your, be, sitting here with your best friend and cycling out your friends, like one after the other. I mean, today we're only doing this podcast, but there's days where it's me and Eldis. In here for 11 hours.

• 8:27Speaker 01

  Oh, my god.

• 8:28Stavros Halkias?

  And we're doing like fucking three podcasts, 10 ads, a meeting, and we just want to fucking blow our brains out.

• 8:34Speaker 01

  That's not natural.

• 8:34Stavros Halkias?

  No, that is darker than, that's what's sick and twisted about our world. Is that me and podcasting is rewarded when going outside and playing music with your loved ones, I scoffed at it, but I'm actually, now that I'm saying it, I'm actually very jealous.

• 8:50Speaker 01

  Oh, good, thank you.

• 8:52Stavros Halkias?

  And now I'm like, now I feel like I've gone, I've overcorrected too far and now I've hurt my own feelings. And I'm like, wait, I am a piece of shit.

• 8:58Speaker 01

  Oh, excellent. No, because he's gonna watch this and I don't want him to feel.

• 9:01Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, no.

• 9:01Speaker 01

  Anyway.

• 9:02Stavros Halkias?

  And I actually do respect, I have, this is maybe some like aging into a dad without having kids, but I like, I have started appreciating jazz.

• 9:13Speaker 01

  Oh, good.

• 9:13Stavros Halkias?

  Whereas like when I was younger, I just was like, that's fucking, you know, you don't know about it either, you don't, you know, you don't listen to good jazz, but I was just like, I don't know, there's something about the, almost being 40 where I'm like, if I'm gonna go see something live, I'm not going to a fucking concert.

• 9:28Speaker 01

  Right.

• 9:28Stavros Halkias?

  And like sitting in a pit and like, or just going to a outdoor thing and just like a festival, it's like, I'm too old for that shit. Jazz is sort of like, you know, it's like buying a fucking suit. You know what I mean?

• 9:42Speaker 01

  Right.

• 9:42Stavros Halkias?

  It's like, it's like, yes, this is like a little bit of a grown up.

• 9:44Speaker 01

  Sophisticated.

• 9:45Stavros Halkias?

  And it is nice. I mean, you just enjoy, you know, being out and fucking listening to some motherfuckers.

• 9:50Speaker 01

  And they're so dedicated to it. Um, I mean, and, and just, he, he started as a rock, just regular drummer, and then he got into jazz just for the challenge of it, but that made him like jazz. And you know, just to, I just feel like I need to defend him a little. He's been in, I'm sorry. I, I know we're all having fun, but he's not a comedian and he doesn't, you know, he's gonna.

• 10:10Stavros Halkias?

  That's true, that's true. I did, I did immediately light him up the way I would you. It was like, he caught strays because I was lighting you up so much. He's collateral damage in a certain way.

• 10:20Speaker 01

  He's been in very successful bands. He's toured all over the world, but this is. But this is what he loves doing.

• 10:26Stavros Halkias?

  No, that is awesome. Yes, yes. I get it.

• 10:28Speaker 01

  Um, anyway, follow Moosekill.

• 10:30Stavros Halkias?

  But why are you drumming? So I get all of that, right? And that's awesome, and I actually respect him. But now, you said it, why are you? Why do you think you could just do what he's dedicated his life to?

• 10:41Speaker 01

  Okay, well, no, not jazz. I can never drum jazz.

• 10:43Stavros Halkias?

  You can't do it, okay.

• 10:45Speaker 01

  No, I, no, no, no.

• 10:46Stavros Halkias?

  And did you play drums before you met him?

• 10:49Speaker 01

  Yes, yes, I did.

• 10:50Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, okay. Oh, so that was like a common bonding?

• 10:52Speaker 01

  Exactly, yeah.

• 10:52Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that's cool.

• 10:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:53Stavros Halkias?

  I didn't realize you played drums.

• 10:55Speaker 01

  Well, I didn't. It was an accident, like everything else that's happened in my life. Um, I, I was in LA and I was so depressed.

• 11:02Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 11:02Speaker 01

  And there's, uh, the Burb- have you been to the Burbank Mall?

• 11:05Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, maybe.

• 11:07Speaker 01

  There's no reason to have gone there, but...

• 11:09Stavros Halkias?

  I've been to some malls in that part of LA, but maybe not the specific Burbank Mall.

• 11:13Speaker 01

  Well, they have this place called the Round One Arcade, which is originally a Japanese arcade. And, um, they're only in like some states in the country, and I could probably name every state that has one, because I've tracked them down. And, uh, they have this machine. So first of all,

• 11:28Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 11:29Speaker 01

  I grew up playing DDR, so like my brain is wired to be addicted to like rhythm games and like hitting the beat, okay?

• 11:35Stavros Halkias?

  You were a DDR kid?

• 11:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, totally.

• 11:38Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting. Where did you grow up? Which?

• 11:40Speaker 01

  Central Jersey.

• 11:41Stavros Halkias?

  Central Jersey, okay, nice. Hell, that actually checks out a lot. Because it's like that part of, that like no man's land part of Jersey? That's not, because like, I feel like all of Jersey is either a Philly suburb or a New York suburb.

• 11:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:54Stavros Halkias?

  Central Jersey's kind of its own thing, right?

• 11:55Speaker 01

  It's just malls.

• 11:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 11:57Speaker 01

  And so, yeah.

• 11:58Stavros Halkias?

  So that feels right, that you would, that you would know about arcade. Like, that's sort of like how the polar ice caps are melting. Like, Central Jersey is like, as arcades were disappearing, it's like the one place with no culture or anything to do, where kids would still go to the mall, even into the 90s.

• 12:15Speaker 01

  Oh, totally.

• 12:15Stavros Halkias?

  You know?

• 12:16Speaker 01

  The mall was the thing we did.

• 12:17Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, respect.

• 12:17Speaker 01

  The mall and the skating rink, um, which is actually where DDR was, at the skating rink.

• 12:21Stavros Halkias?

  Ah, okay.

• 12:22Speaker 01

  Um, there was a mall arcade, but it shut down kind of quickly, anyway.

• 12:26Stavros Halkias?

  So you would go to the skating rink?

• 12:28Speaker 01

  Both to rollerblade and DDR.

• 12:30Stavros Halkias?

  No blades? Oh, you had the blades?

• 12:31Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, we were, every weekend that was the thing.

• 12:33Stavros Halkias?

  You were a big blader?

• 12:34Speaker 01

  Blading and, and DDR.

• 12:38Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck yes. And you didn't, you weren't into anime, or you were?

• 12:42Speaker 01

  Um, I did get into anime. No, I'm a total weeb. I really am. I mean, I studied Japanese in college. I went to Japan a few times. It's, I know, it's everything.

• 12:50Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting. Yeah, that, it's, we're seeing a different, a much different side of you this, this five years later.

• 12:56Speaker 01

  I feel like everything is shameful I've said so far.

• 12:58Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, this is not, I mean, come on, who are you talking to? What the fuck? What do you think I was doing when you were playing DDR? You think I was being cool? When I'm in like, when me and Elders are in the Baltimore suburbs, just not getting pussy, not going to parties and just not talking to anyone but ourselves?

• 13:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's right.

• 13:13Stavros Halkias?

  Like psyching each other up to talk to one girl for four minutes and then being like, okay, that was okay. That wasn't bad. She's fucking making out with another guy immediately. We really never even, not one of us picked up a woman in high school like once.

• 13:27Speaker 02

  No. I've said it, I've said it before, but like, it didn't even like cross my mind to even really try. I think in my, I think in my head, it was like, I'll fuck in a few years or something. I'll, I'll learn how to get girls in like four or five years. Maybe during college and everything lights up.

• 13:45Stavros Halkias?

  Mommy's made me a peanut butter jelly with bananas in it. I have to go play fucking WWE No Mercy with my friends.

• 13:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was like, I'm having fun out here with Stav and the elusive and mysterious Big B. We're at a party. I'm gonna get drunk behind my parents' drag.

• 14:02Stavros Halkias?

  One of us is gonna drive drunk through a Wendy's drive-through and then we're gonna call each other gay.

• 14:07Speaker 02

  That was good enough for me. I'm like, I was a wholesome kid, but I'm talking about like 17 through like 24, what my mindset was.

• 14:15Stavros Halkias?

  I know.

• 14:16Speaker 01

  I grew up Muslim, so I was an incel as well. I mean, I really had the same life as you guys.

• 14:20Stavros Halkias?

  Muslim weeb is awesome. That's kind of a rare, that's kind of a rare setup, you know?

• 14:26Speaker 01

  Actually, that's, I don't know anyone else like that.

• 14:28Stavros Halkias?

  I was gonna ask.

• 14:28Speaker 01

  But I actually don't really know any Muslims, so.

• 14:31Stavros Halkias?

  Really? Central Jersey? Not a hub?

• 14:33Speaker 01

  Uh, well, sort of, I guess. Well, it was, uh.

• 14:36Stavros Halkias?

  Did you have a, like a, what is it? Fucking, it's not a temple, is it?

• 14:40Speaker 01

  Mosque.

• 14:40Stavros Halkias?

  A mosque? Yeah, yeah, actually. Well, famously mosque, you're right. Church? What's the, you didn't have a Muslim church, did you?

• 14:51Speaker 01

  We did, but thankfully my mother didn't really have time to enforce that on us. So that was one blessing.

• 14:58Stavros Halkias?

  Cause also famously deadbeat Muslim dad.

• 15:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, right, right, right. You had, you know, you had. Deadbeat now, just dead.

• 15:04Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah, really? Did they just get him? Is it, was he in the rubble?

• 15:08Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 15:10Stavros Halkias?

  No, he was in Iraq, right?

• 15:12Speaker 01

  Uh, no.

• 15:13Stavros Halkias?

  No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

• 15:17Speaker 01

  Oh, my God. I was, I was about to do this. I don't know if there's a, I don't, I don't know if there's a Muslim thing for that.

• 15:24Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah. Do you guys have a cross?

• 15:25Speaker 01

  No, well, in that situation, I would say a stuff for Allah, which means that God forgive me.

• 15:30Stavros Halkias?

  Got you, got you, got you.

• 15:31Speaker 01

  Not that I believe in anything, but, um, uh, so, yes, that's right, deadbeat, dead dad.

• 15:37Stavros Halkias?

  So it's just you, just you and moms in central Jersey? Or do you have?

• 15:41Speaker 01

  Uh, and stepdad.

• 15:43Stavros Halkias?

  Stepdad.

• 15:44Speaker 01

  But, uh, you know, we, he and I, we got into a scuffle when I was six years old.

• 15:49Stavros Halkias?

  Six?

• 15:50Speaker 01

  And then, uh, never spoke again.

• 15:52Stavros Halkias?

  Wait, what? You argued with a grown man at six and he cut you off? What was the argument about?

• 16:00Speaker 01

  Okay, so we lived in a one-bedroom apartment and, or two-bedroom, sorry. My parents got one. My older brother, of course, got the bedroom to himself. So I got.

• 16:09Stavros Halkias?

  So in some ways it was a traditional Muslim household.

• 16:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, totally, totally. Um, I got sectioned off into the living room. You know, those like dividers, those like Chinese dividers we got from the flea market, the root eighteen flea market.

• 16:21Stavros Halkias?

  That's so funny that you just lived that way. Like, that's how, when you moved to New York, people are like, like, that's me. I was like, I had to live in the living room. It was so depressing. And I was poor, by the way. I grew up poor. It's like I had money, but that you had the, as a fucking seven-year-old, had the like, just moved to New York to make it bedroom, but in central Jersey with your family.

• 16:41Speaker 01

  Totally.

• 16:42Stavros Halkias?

  Okay. So there's some real environmental signs who the favorite in the family is.

• 16:47Speaker 01

  Well, he was the boy, and so, of course.

• 16:49Stavros Halkias?

  And older, first born.

• 16:50Speaker 01

  Older and boy. Um, and so I just had, you know, this area, it was my area, my space. And, uh, my, uh, stepdad, I came home from school and I found him like rifling around my space.

• 17:02Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow.

• 17:03Speaker 01

  And, you know, I'm like, you know, a kid and like, this is all I have. And I'm like, get out of my room or whatever. And he was just like, you don't talk to me like that. And that was like it.

• 17:13Stavros Halkias?

  And that was it? And you never, have you spoken to him since?

• 17:17Speaker 01

  I lived with him for the rest of my life, up until I guess I moved out at 22. And I'm not kidding when I say the only words we ever exchanged was, "Hey, Mo," whenever he would get home. And he would say, "Hi, Dina." 20 years.

• 17:33Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking insane.

• 17:35Speaker 01

  I don't, I never thought about how crazy it is until I like brought it up to somebody once. And they were like, "That's crazy."

• 17:41Stavros Halkias?

  No, I mean, it's one of the craziest things I've ever heard. Cause like, yes, much, okay, so we were joking about the drumming stuff in the beginning being crazy. This is legitimately insane. That your father, for all intents and purposes, I know he's your stepdad, but it's like, the dad that was in your house since you were six, didn't speak to you?

• 18:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:00Stavros Halkias?

  Cause you were mad at six?

• 18:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:03Stavros Halkias?

  That he was like going through your fucking, I don't know, unicorn stickers? Like, what the fuck did you even have to hide back then?

• 18:07Speaker 01

  I wasn't hiding anything.

• 18:08Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. It was just a breach of trust.

• 18:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was just like, this is my, you know, space.

• 18:14Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck you, Bo. Get the fuck out of my shit.

• 18:15Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 18:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 18:16Speaker 01

  And, uh...

• 18:17Stavros Halkias?

  Did he talk to your brother?

• 18:19Speaker 01

  Um, yeah.

• 18:21Stavros Halkias?

  He just wasn't a very chatty guy?

• 18:24Speaker 01

  It was a dark household. There was a lot of silence.

• 18:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, damn.

• 18:29Speaker 01

  And now I'm realizing it's explained a lot about my life and my personality.

• 18:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I mean, there's no way that doesn't fuck you up when what you think family is is like, essentially just Craigslist roommate. You had the, you have the most Craigslist roommate setup that I've ever heard. A little sheet in the living room with a guy named Mo that you only spoke to. You just say, "What's up, man?" Like, that's, that's cla- that's best case scenario Craigslist roommate. Like, you basically got a neutral Craigslist roommate, not positive, not negative, right?

• 19:04Speaker 01

  No, negative.

• 19:04Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, negative.

• 19:05Speaker 01

  He and my mother would scream and fight every single day.

• 19:08Stavros Halkias?

  So you got the worst setup possible?

• 19:11Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. Oh, it was not good. Not good.

• 19:15Stavros Halkias?

  Damn.

• 19:18Stavros Halkias?

  And how long did you just have the sheet room?

• 19:20Speaker 01

  Uh, I guess, um, um, maybe like seventh grade or sixth grade. We, we moved into a proper house and I don't know how, cause they didn't have any money.

• 19:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 19:31Speaker 01

  I just don't.

• 19:32Stavros Halkias?

  What did they do? Like, what was?

• 19:33Speaker 01

  Well, you know, they were, you know, immigrants. My mother like was a Montessori school teacher, but like it was not well paid at all. And then my stepdad worked in a deli and, um, I don't really know.

• 19:48Stavros Halkias?

  A deli worker named Mo is your stepdad? I mean, that is like, that's like classic. Like if somebody, like again, that's one of those things that's so hack. That it's like, you had a, was he fat?

• 20:00Speaker 01

  No.

• 20:01Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, yeah.

• 20:02Speaker 01

  Unfortunately.

• 20:03Stavros Halkias?

  That would have been awesome. Now I'm thinking, I'm honestly just thinking of like, yeah, big fat guy. Apron, like I'm thinking of him dressed for the deli, you know?

• 20:10Speaker 01

  No, he didn't look like a class, a typical deli worker, no.

• 20:13Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 20:14Speaker 01

  But, uh.

• 20:14Stavros Halkias?

  That's something.

• 20:17Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, what was it?

• 20:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, the house, you move into the house.

• 20:19Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 20:20Stavros Halkias?

  Sorry. But this is all DD, we're all, we're circling the DDR talk.

• 20:24Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 20:24Stavros Halkias?

  We'll get back to it. Don't worry. I'm a professional.

• 20:26Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 20:27Stavros Halkias?

  We've got a lot of very interesting threads here.

• 20:29Speaker 01

  Doing the truck weave.

• 20:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. The three man weave.

• 20:32Speaker 01

  Uh, so, uh, oh yeah, I got my own room then, but, but it was bittersweet because the fucking door, there was carpeting and the door wouldn't shut all the way because the carpeting was too thick. So even then, my mother could just burst in whenever she wanted.

• 20:46Stavros Halkias?

  No lock.

• 20:47Speaker 01

  No lock, couldn't lock. The bathroom was my favorite place because it was the only place I could lock the door.

• 20:52Stavros Halkias?

  How many bathrooms in the house?

• 20:53Speaker 01

  Uh, one and a half. One point five.

• 20:56Stavros Halkias?

  That second one would have been, that full two would have been nice.

• 20:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:59Stavros Halkias?

  That's all right. What are you gonna do? So, yeah, I mean, that's, I mean, I know what that's like too, cause it's like, I grew up in a house with, at any point, it was me, my brothers, that's three of us, my parents, five, and my grandmother, six, plus my cousin for a couple of years. And my grandma would come in and out of Greece, like for, when she was still healthy, she would like, she would come here for the winters. And so like, and we had, we had two with like six people and we're talking. Me and my bro- we were talking to some big shitters in this family. There was like that, that, that bathroom got re- those bathrooms got fucking abused and abused. And especially the fuck, the one on our, on our bedroom floor was like, me, my brothers and my grandmother.

• 21:45Stavros Halkias?

  You get in like teenage boy activity. So it's like, and then my, I know my brothers are beating off in there because they share a room. And then you got old lady shits plus fat teenager shits. It was just a real tough zone to be in. Luckily, I got, I got my own room, kind of around the same age, maybe like, maybe eighth grade for me. But the funny thing is, we just had, we just had a, like upstairs, there was like three bedrooms. And one of them, my parents just had stuff in there for the first 10 years of my life. And it's like, they had, me and my brother shared a room into middle school. Cause my dad didn't feel like cleaning out like his coats from the seventies. Like, which now I'm fucking sad because I bet there was some heat in there.

• 22:29Stavros Halkias?

  Like he had like a fur, like a faux fur coat that I think they threw out. I wish. If we'd waited till I was 16 to go through that stuff, I would have had a, but yeah, that's. You have to find, you have to find your little, like, little solace in a crowded house like that. And yeah, there was like, you know, I was a big base, we had, our kitchen had a little fucking TV with a VCR. And that became my hangout zone. Cause when everybody would go, like, you know, most of the day, it's like, everybody's in there, but after hours, the kitchen, that's where you want to be.

• 23:02Speaker 01

  Oh, that sounds nice.

• 23:03Stavros Halkias?

  Throw on a little VHS, fucking make yourself a couple grilled cheeses.

• 23:08Stavros Halkias?

  Some of my fondest memories of growing up are in this fucking linoleum floor, fucking basement. But yeah, you got a claw. So I, I get the bathroom being like, the bathroom being salvation.

• 23:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, there wasn't a lot of competition for it. Not that much shitting going on. A lot of fasting, so not that much, I guess.

• 23:28Stavros Halkias?

  Ramadan, nice place to hang out during, the toilet, the bathroom, nice place to hang out during Ramadan. So I can, yeah, not a lot of shitting going on. Although I bet you when it happens, it's all at once, probably. I think probably everybody's timed up. Cause everybody has just one big ass meal in the morning. Yeah, everyone's got a sink. They're like, huge meal in the morning, huge meal at night. Whenever that bill comes due.

• 23:52Stavros Halkias?

  That is fucking tough. Did you have to fast? Like, were they, were they, that was the one thing they, like, your parents were?

• 23:59Speaker 01

  Not the one thing. Oh, there were many enforced things.

• 24:02Stavros Halkias?

  But they were just tired, your mom was just too tired to enforce?

• 24:04Speaker 01

  She didn't have time to take us to mosque, but the praying, praying every day, fasting for sure, and just generally...

• 24:11Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right.

• 24:12Speaker 01

  And I've never asked her about it, but I am so...

• 24:14Stavros Halkias?

  Now's the time. Do you think at your wedding, you could ask?

• 24:17Speaker 01

  I'm not having a wedding.

• 24:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. You're right. Yeah, you're right. Well, who knows, you know, outdoor wedding?

• 24:23Speaker 01

  Maybe. I've been watching Love is Blind a lot, and part of me is like, maybe that'd be nice.

• 24:27Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, interesting. So, is it now, you not wanting to have a wedding is because, why? Because you were just talking about, you just opened up the podcast, kind of beautifully supporting your boyfriend in a way, really going to bat, in a way that is like, does feel like real love. And you've even talked about how much you want to outdrum. So why, what do you think, do you just not believe in love because of your upbringing?

• 24:49Speaker 01

  No, I believe in love. Love is the only, like, I've always been obsessed with love, like, the Disney propaganda totally, oh, totally. I feel like everything I've ever done is to, like, cast a net out, to, like, find the person who's gonna, like, respond to my art. Like, I feel like that's driven every artistic thing I've ever done.

• 25:05Stavros Halkias?

  I'm also, I fully agree where it's like, that's the whole reason anyone gets into the arts.

• 25:11Speaker 01

  Think so?

• 25:12Stavros Halkias?

  I really think it's like, it's, I mean, on some level, it might be just you want to be understood. So you're like, what if I put this out there? And if somebody really connects, on some subconscious level, I think it's like a search for understanding. But also, on a base level, it's like, I did comedy so that I could, so girls would fuck me. Like, on the absolute basis level, it's like, yeah, you do something that gets you notoriety, because, or even just makes you more interesting person, so you have fucking something to talk about on the basic level. And then at the absolute highest level, I'm like, yeah, I definitely feel that, where I'm like, I do think on some level, I've always wanted to, someone to get me, for lack of a better, because it's like, especially when you're coming, when you're growing up in, in like, a very hectic family, where it's like...

• 25:57Stavros Halkias?

  You know, from, I think, I, I mean, I got lucky. I got immigrant dad that was like, you know, a little dicey. But my mom was like the best. So I got very lucky in that sense. But it's like, I had a mom who I think wanted to get me. And just was too overwhelmed and I was also weirder compared to like, I think me and my brothers were much weirder than my mother was ready for. Oh, interesting. Because, you know, everyone's kind of, like, we were smart, like, like, my mom just wanted me to be a lawyer, right? Like, my, and, and like, and even my brothers who, my brothers are both pretty, like, one of them has a straight, you know, he runs a gym, pretty, and he has like a family, he's got a little kid, it's awesome.

• 26:38Stavros Halkias?

  And the other one, my other brother, also, he's a visual artist and, and we're just odd guys. Yeah. And I think my mom, very, I don't think, I think my parents are both weird, but when you grow up in a society that just like, everything is so, in my mom's case, patriarchal and just top-down, you just do what the fuck you're told kind of stuff. And then from my dad's side, it's like, I don't think he's ever thought deeply about, like, about who he, like, I don't think there's a lot of self-reflection going on. There's just like, you just do the things. Do we have to do? You know, like, he didn't believe, like, church is a great example. He didn't fucking believe in anything, but it's like, well, I had to go to fucking church as a kid, so you assholes have to go to church.

• 27:23Stavros Halkias?

  Like, I'm not, he wasn't going ever, but he was like, he made sure we went. Oh, really? Oh, yeah, yeah, he didn't fucking believe, like, and I'm sure on some, well, he believes in it the way like, yeah, everybody just believes in God, because like, you know, God's real, because they tell us he's real. And so, I went to church when I was a kid, now I don't, because I, I'd rather watch Greek soccer with my boys, you know, but all, so, I don't know, I just, I, I think, so, anyway, I am with you in that, I think, uh... You know, when you, when you're drawn to that kind of artistic pursuit, there is like a, it's connection, which if we really boil it down, that's what, you know, real love is just connecting on a really turbo level. So anyway, but why no wedding then? Or you just don't think?

• 28:04Speaker 01

  I, I just, for me, I fear that like, just getting paperwork involved, I feel like psychologically, maybe it would feel like take the romance away. I don't know, but then sometimes I'm like, maybe it would actually bring us even closer together. Maybe I just don't like the word husband though. It feels so like, I'm old now.

• 28:22Stavros Halkias?

  But does boyfriend?

• 28:23Speaker 01

  That's cute. I like boyfriend, no?

• 28:25Stavros Halkias?

  I think it is until a point.

• 28:27Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, maybe when I'm 10 years from now.

• 28:29Stavros Halkias?

  Boyfriend spoils, boyfriend girlfriend where it's like, it's like, come on guys. What are you, you, you, you got a fucking knee brace on?

• 28:35Speaker 01

  That's true.

• 28:37Stavros Halkias?

  It's like, you know, it's, it's, it's cute for a second. And then it's like, you know. Yeah, I just feel like we're at the age where it's like, that sounds, I almost feel the opposite where I'm like, should I just get married? Cause it'll be embarrassing to say, here's my girlfriend when I'm a fat 48 year old.

• 28:53Speaker 01

  I didn't think of it that way. And I actually think that's true. Once the crow's feet start settling in a little more, I think it's, that'll be the wedding day. That'll be time for the wedding.

• 29:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it'll be a purely visual.

• 29:05Speaker 01

  Well, right now, we both still like, like youthful, like girlfriend, boyfriend still makes sense, I think. Are we, we're the same age, right?

• 29:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. What are you? I'm 37. You're in the mid, mid 30s?

• 29:12Speaker 01

  I don't know. I think I'm 36.

• 29:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 29:15Speaker 01

  Oh God, I might be 37. 89, what's that?

• 29:18Stavros Halkias?

  37, depending.

• 29:19Speaker 01

  No way, August. I think I'm turning 37.

• 29:21Stavros Halkias?

  You're turning 37. I'm February, so you got a couple more. It is funny though, 37 does feel like, cause you're just so much, now it's undeniable, you're close to 40.

• 29:34Speaker 01

  Oh yeah.

• 29:34Stavros Halkias?

  You're way, you're closer to 40 in a major way. 36, you're still like, it's like 35 junior. You know what I mean? It's like, it's like a little bit, you're, you're still at the, you're at least touching your mid 30s. 37, it's like you're about to be 40.

• 29:48Speaker 01

  Oh man.

• 29:49Stavros Halkias?

  But you know what? That's, I see it now is these three years. My 30s are over and it's like, I have to get a head start on 40.

• 29:58Speaker 01

  Okay, that's a good way.

• 29:59Stavros Halkias?

  That's how I'm looking at it. It's like, I have three years to be who I want to be at 40.

• 30:04Speaker 01

  Wait, so what else do you feel like you have to do to be who you want to be?

• 30:07Stavros Halkias?

  Just not be eligible to die at any moment.

• 30:14Stavros Halkias?

  Like, that's, that's the thing, it's like, I really, I really could die. And like, I'm better now, but it's like, man, have I lived a lot of my 30s where if somebody heard I died, no one would be shocked.

• 30:27Speaker 01

  Alright.

• 30:28Stavros Halkias?

  Like, you know what I mean? Like, if, if four years ago, some, you see a bunch of fucking black and white pictures of me on Instagram, would you be like, "What?"

• 30:37Stavros Halkias?

  Would you be like, "Oh, he ate and pilled himself to death on the road." Like, that's, that's what everybody would have thought. And they would have been right. I was eligible to do that. And now it's fucked up because I've actually cleaned up my habits, but my body is breaking down. Like, it's almost like, I'm healthier now, but, uh, I'm still as busy. And I think my body has started being like, "Alright, you fucking idiot, if you're not gonna take time off, we're gonna force you." Like, my back is so fucked right now, my shoulder flared up out of nowhere. Like, I've been going to, I had two days off this week and I went to PT and the fucking like, got like an excruciating massage. Like, those massages that aren't fu- they're like a, it's like a procedure.

• 31:18Speaker 01

  Right, right.

• 31:18Stavros Halkias?

  It's like some guy just fucking pressing on your shoulder hard as fuck for nine minutes. And you're like, huh, huh, huh, gritting your teeth, you're like, "I don't want anything, I'm a bitch." I'm gonna, I don't want this guy to fucking think I'm a pussy, keep going. And it feels better afterwards, but, anyway, enough fucking complaining about, about how fat I- so yeah. It's mostly just physical stuff, you know?

• 31:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:40Stavros Halkias?

  And spending time with my family and like, you know, my brother, like, my, I have a nephew and he's fucking cute as hell and I was seeing him a lot, but this, the last three months, I haven't gotten to see him and I'm like, "Fuck." This, I can't be doing that shit. It's like, I need to make time. There's very few things that are actually important.

• 31:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:56Stavros Halkias?

  And it's like, you know, comedy's not important.

• 31:58Speaker 01

  It's not important.

• 31:59Stavros Halkias?

  It's, it should just become, I guess the, the, the like, uh, philosophical thing is like, when you put your whole being into what, like, something, like comedy's your whole identity, it's like- Then you get to be fucking almost forty and you're like, well, that's fucking lame and pathetic.

• 32:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think about that a lot, like.

• 32:18Stavros Halkias?

  Cause we're not, yeah, sorry to cut you off. It's like, we're not, that's not that different from pouring your life into being a fucking investment banker. It's cooler, but at the end of the day, you have poured your life into your job and that's pathetic. And that's a big problem with America and our culture where it's like, we think that's, you have value for doing that. And actually, I would argue, it's the exact opposite. The more you pour your life into it, the actually more stunted you are and the barely a fucking person you are. Uh, and you put just monetary stuff over, it's like, what do you really want to do if you're successful? You just want to hang out with your family and chill.

• 32:52Speaker 01

  I think about that. I feel guilty all the time. Cause I'm just like, I mean, social media has really ruined my enjoyment of what we do. Cause every day I'm just like, I should be posting, oh my God, I feel so guilty. I haven't posted, I haven't posted. And then I sit back and I'm like, well, I haven't posted because I just want to live life and I'm enjoying just living life. So it's like, if I'm doing that, then like, what's the point of like, like the whole purpose of the career should be to enjoy life. But instead it's like, my enjoyment of life is getting in the way of my career. And it's like, that seems backwards.

• 33:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, but whatever. Who fucking cares? Nobody, nobody wants to hear us fucking complain about how much easier our lives. I mean, our lives are so easy, we have philosophical problems.

• 33:35Speaker 01

  Oh no, I know. No, every day I feel disgusting. I scroll Twitter and I see the horrors in the world. And I just like, I, I mean, like my big problem these days is like, how do I, I don't know how to make that funny. I feel so bad about everything in the world and I feel like a failure as a comedian because I can't make it funny. And then I'm like, how disgusting of me to like, that's the problem, not like, how do we stop the genocide?

• 33:58Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right, right, right.

• 33:59Speaker 01

  It's like, well, my art is like, yeah, my art's not going to stop it. And it's like, I just, I don't know.

• 34:04Stavros Halkias?

  Maybe if I get the perfect one liner, they'll stop bombing hospitals.

• 34:10Speaker 01

  Totally.

• 34:11Stavros Halkias?

  I know. I know exactly. Yeah. It is like useless in the face of, you know, but at the same time, you gotta do something, I guess. This episode is brought to you by Visible. The smartest upgrade this season isn't a new phone. It's a better wireless plan. Switch to Visible, the ultimate wireless hack. You get unlimited 5G data and unlimited hotspot powered by Verizon. We have Visible here at Stobby Baby Enterprises. We love it. We just got a new assistant. She loves it. She's taking all our sushi orders. They're going through the Visible network, brought to you by Verizon. It's fast, it's reliable, it's so sick. They sponsor the Stobies World hotline, as you know, and make it possible for us to help all our callers out. Oh my God, they're the best. Switch today at visible.com.

• 34:55Stavros Halkias?

  The Visible plan starts at $25 a month, or get the Premium Visible Plus Pro Plan and save $10 on your first month with promo code STOV. Terms apply.

• 35:05Speaker 03

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• 35:45Speaker 03

  at coopssleepgoods.com/comedy. That's C-O-O-P, sleepgoods.com/comedy.

• 35:51Stavros Halkias?

  Who knows? Let's talk, let's go back to talking about DDR.

• 35:53Speaker 01

  Okay, I'm sorry. We really got it.

• 35:55Stavros Halkias?

  So you're at this Japanese fucking arcade in Burbank.

• 35:59Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, in LA. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 36:04Speaker 01

  Right.

• 36:05Stavros Halkias?

  And actually, okay, actually, before we get to Burbank, when you're, when you're a, a kid, a fucking skate rink kid.

• 36:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:14Stavros Halkias?

  Right? I assume that's kind of like the social, is that kind of like the social epicenter?

• 36:18Speaker 01

  No, not at all. It was just me and like my core group of friends.

• 36:23Stavros Halkias?

  And this is like ages what?

• 36:25Speaker 01

  Oh, man, I feel like we started at like 10 and like through like 18 because we got jobs there eventually. Like this is like a huge part.

• 36:33Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, so that's what, yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's like, so this is basically like this, if your life as a teen is a sitcom, this is the second location other than your shitty one bedroom.

• 36:43Speaker 01

  Definitely, definitely. Yeah, I know, definitely.

• 36:45Stavros Halkias?

  It's like school, your shitty apartment, this place, and then occasionally for, for a change of pace, Mo's Deli.

• 36:53Speaker 01

  No, I never set foot in there. I never, ever set foot in there. Why would I? That would be so awkward.

• 36:58Stavros Halkias?

  That'd be so funny if all, your only conversations were, hey, what's up, Mo? And like, turkey on, turkey and Swiss on a roll, please?

• 37:08Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 37:09Speaker 01

  No, it was too far away. It was like several towns over.

• 37:11Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, okay. Oh, that definitely, you're definitely cheating, by the way. If you're, if you're a deli worker and you're like, oh, it has to be 40 minutes away.

• 37:20Stavros Halkias?

  There's no other delis in our shitty town. I have to make, I have to make a fucking $10 an hour.

• 37:26Speaker 01

  I never thought about that.

• 37:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, classic cheat. When deli workers pretend they're like doctors, like, no, I got stationed here. This is where, this is where I had, this is where I was assigned.

• 37:37Speaker 01

  I never thought about that. But, no, the deli would not be part of the scene.

• 37:41Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, sure. I'm just trying to figure out the sitcom settings, you know?

• 37:44Speaker 01

  The mall, the, the rink, yeah.

• 37:46Stavros Halkias?

  Love that. And what's the, so you and the crew, what's the, are you eating that shitty skate rink pizza?

• 37:52Speaker 01

  With the pizza, I remember.

• 37:55Stavros Halkias?

  Are you potheads at the time? Are you, are you scared of drugs because of religion? Because I really weirdly was, like, I went to Sunday school and shit and most of that shit didn't stick, but weirdly, like, there was a general morality that. Just made me scared of drugs until, I mean, I still smoked weed when I was like, you know, thirteen, fourteen, but.

• 38:12Speaker 01

  Oh, no, no, I didn't try that until like at the rink, um, when I was like, I guess eighteen.

• 38:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. You know what? Write a show about the rink.

• 38:20Speaker 01

  I did. I wrote a pilot about the rink, but I have to go. It's not good. I need to make it good.

• 38:24Stavros Halkias?

  Well, I think it's, it sounds, I think you got the bones of it. That sounds good.

• 38:27Speaker 01

  There's like several zones. There's like the, the ice rink where like the jocks play hockey and then like the nerdy arcade part and then, I don't know.

• 38:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 38:34Speaker 01

  Cafeteria. I worked in the cafeteria of, of the rink.

• 38:37Stavros Halkias?

  So you, you're very familiar with the snacks at the rink.

• 38:40Speaker 01

  Totally. Yeah. We got, we had pizza. We had the pretzel bites.

• 38:43Stavros Halkias?

  Is it the little pizza with the little, the chee- you can see the individual squares of cheese?

• 38:47Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. That's what it, that's exactly what it was like.

• 38:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 38:51Speaker 01

  Um, I remember not like being tormented by the hot dogs because I knew they had pork in it. So I couldn't eat the hot dogs. That was, that was the thing.

• 38:58Stavros Halkias?

  Um. The turkey dogs, huh?

• 38:59Speaker 01

  No, no.

• 39:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. Are you still not eating pork?

• 39:04Speaker 01

  I mean, I will, but I still weirdly, it's, I just, I'm like, I feel weird about it.

• 39:10Stavros Halkias?

  I of like when, when people pick a thing for religious reasons, I'm like, that's the one that most clearly aligns with, I feel bad for pigs. Like cows, it's like, listen, man, that fucking thing doesn't, I, it's sad, but.

• 39:23Speaker 01

  Cows are really cute, actually.

• 39:24Stavros Halkias?

  And it's quick and done and the cow doesn't know what's happening, but a pig is smart as fuck.

• 39:29Speaker 01

  No, I think cows, no, cows are really friendly and sweet. You should feel bad about cows too.

• 39:32Stavros Halkias?

  Nah, I can't.

• 39:33Speaker 01

  I'll send you some videos. You'll feel bad.

• 39:35Stavros Halkias?

  I really won't. I promise I won't. I'll be like, oh, man, as I'm just eating fucking short rib. Pork too. I've, I've, I've gone down on pork, but I'm scared of it. But anyway, so, okay. So the rink gives, and there was, now let's get to this Burbank drumming machine.

• 39:49Speaker 01

  Okay, yeah. Um, so, so they have this game and it's made by the same Konami, same company as DDR. And it's a real Yamaha electronic drum kit. So it's like more advanced than Rock Band. It's like a full kit.

• 40:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, they ain't that Rock Band bullshit.

• 40:04Speaker 01

  Fucking nothing. Rock Band is nothing.

• 40:07Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck, Rock Band's fun as hell, though.

• 40:09Speaker 01

  I've actually never played it.

• 40:10Stavros Halkias?

  That's a really fun, like, again, you want to talk about activities we're doing and not getting pussy? I remember me and the fellows, you weren't involved in this, Eldis, were you? You never, you never played Rock Band, did you? With the crew? Not really, no. No, there was, because we also had a friend who, um, he, his family was fucking hilarious. Uh, he, and there was just a weird.

• 40:33Stavros Halkias?

  There was just like a weird summer where we spent a lot of time in his basement with his like, I don't know if he was on heroin yet? Or if he, if it was just like big whippets, like they had, they had so many cans of fucking whipped cream in their fucking downstairs fridge. Cause his fucking brother was just doing whippets all the time. And I was just fatly drinking the like flat whipped cream. Yeah, and I'm playing bass on fuck.

• 40:56Speaker 01

  Pretending you're doing drugs, like, yeah, this is.

• 40:58Stavros Halkias?

  No, I'm doing the whippets and eating the thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just, I would do the whip and then be like, I mean, we got all this fucking flat cream. Well, it seems fucking stupid not to eat it. But yeah, that's, it's actually pretty fun and I bet, I think that would be a fun, we should, fu- future idea, a stream-a-thon of us fucking playing rock band for like eight hours, I think would go crazy. It's pretty fun.

• 41:22Speaker 02

  I remember seeing that friend play and he was like, he was really nice with the fucking guitar and he was just like.

• 41:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, dead eyed, nice with the guitar.

• 41:31Speaker 02

  Moving his body when he had to wiggle his shit.

• 41:32Stavros Halkias?

  No other ar- artistic, athletic, social skills of any kind.

• 41:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:38Stavros Halkias?

  But weirdly nice at the fucking guitar. So you might have a good time. I know you, you look down on it as a, as a true drummer now.

• 41:45Speaker 01

  I do, especially knowing that you can also set up this other drum game at home if it was a lot of effort. If you get like a real e kit and you can download the game and it's like, so.

• 41:55Stavros Halkias?

  It would be cool if there was a version of Rock Band that you could actually learn the thing.

• 41:59Speaker 01

  That's what this was, that's what this is.

• 42:01Stavros Halkias?

  So that's what this was. So you're going to a rea- this is an arcade, you're putting in coins?

• 42:05Speaker 01

  Uh, no, you have to buy the card and you refill the card. I swear I've spent, I spent like a thousand dollars on this machine. But as a result, I could play the drums.

• 42:14Stavros Halkias?

  So you're just depressed, you've moved to LA for like comedy, I assume?

• 42:17Speaker 01

  For a job.

• 42:18Stavros Halkias?

  A job, okay. A writing job, okay. That's so funny. So you're, so what you did in LA? Cause by the way, that's a successful reason to move there. Like moving with a writing job is not pathetic. That's why you want to move and it's like, you were still like channeling just depressed Jersey teen.

• 42:36Speaker 01

  I was just.

• 42:36Stavros Halkias?

  Something in your bones wanted you to get into an arcade.

• 42:39Speaker 01

  I was just, I was lonely. I didn't really know anyone in LA. I was, I don't know, I was full of anxiety over the job. So I just went to my safe space, the mall. And yeah, um, the machine, if you get good at it, there was this guy there. I mean, I made so many weird arcade freak friends.

• 42:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 42:55Speaker 01

  Um, so I was the only woman on this machine.

• 42:57Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. I can't even imagine. People like, huh? What the hell? Like, the first two, the first time you're there, you're like, they're like fat guys around. They're like fluke. And then like, three times, you're like, my lady. I see you are a fan of the drumming arts.

• 43:15Speaker 01

  I am not kidding. There was a guy that came up to me. He must have been like seventeen and he was watching me play.

• 43:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 43:22Speaker 01

  And then he was like, I really like your nails. And I was like, oh, this is just a gay kid. He's like, oh, my God, thank you. And then he was like, has a man ever, ever said that to you before?

• 43:34Stavros Halkias?

  He's like, he's like, he's read, is in his, in his like pickup artist message board. They're like, what you're gonna want to do is give them some, uh, under, underused approaches. And like, now, now he did he do that, but he was like, he wanted credit from you for it. That's so fucking funny.

• 43:51Speaker 01

  I was also just like, uh, I'm like thirty. I know you wouldn't expect, uh, that I'm like twice your age. Um, so, uh, yeah, so there was this guy, there's this one guy there who was like so good at it.

• 44:03Stavros Halkias?

  Really?

• 44:04Speaker 01

  And he became my like idol. And I was like, how did you, I was like.

• 44:08Stavros Halkias?

  By the way, you are being, you're a successful Hollywood screenwriter at the time. You have been, you have been, someone moved you across the country to write for a TV show, I'm guessing. And you're like, man, this guy that hangs out at the fucking arcade and is good at this drumming game is my idol? The fuck is wrong with you, man?

• 44:32Speaker 01

  I don't know. I don't know.

• 44:35Stavros Halkias?

  That's so fucking funny.

• 44:36Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 44:37Stavros Halkias?

  That's what depression does to someone, though. I get it. I get it.

• 44:40Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 44:41Stavros Halkias?

  And you're so locked in on a thing. I mean, I'm obviously mocking you, but there is, I also do get when you have these weird obsessions that you can't, and it's an escape. It was like an escape for you. Cause also, those rooms are fucking, those can be nerve wracking jobs, too.

• 44:56Speaker 01

  I'm still, I, it gives me more anxiety than anything, except maybe if you're podcasting. Like, it all gives me anxiety. It's like, okay, time to be like funny and witty on demand. And I'm like, no, I like to be funny in a very rehearsed.

• 45:09Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 45:09Speaker 01

  Structured way on stage.

• 45:12Stavros Halkias?

  Lucky for you, we don't gotta do that on this podcast. This podcast is what we like to call just fill in a contractual obligation. We gotta, we gotta get 90 minutes and our advertisers are happy. And don't worry, Dina, we'll, we'll have you on your way in about 45 minutes from now.

• 45:29Speaker 01

  Is that how much is left?

• 45:30Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, we got, we, yeah.

• 45:32Speaker 01

  Oh, gosh.

• 45:32Stavros Halkias?

  I don't mean, I don't want to get you, you're doing great. This is very fun and, and very funny, but,

• 45:38Speaker 01

  No, no, no.

• 45:38Stavros Halkias?

  But I know what you mean.

• 45:39Speaker 01

  This is great. Um, so, yeah, so I'm like, you must be a real drummer, right? And he's like, yeah. And I'm like, so if I keep playing this game, do you think it like really teaches me the drums? And he's like, oh, this is the best drum teacher you'll ever have.

• 45:52Stavros Halkias?

  Whoa.

• 45:52Speaker 01

  And that's all I needed to hear. And I spent like so much money on this machine, but you feel yourself getting better. Because like, have you ever tried playing the drums?

• 46:00Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, very briefly. I have no, I honestly have very little musical acumen at all. No, like my, you know, I've tried a little bit. I took like guitar lessons and I like it, but I just don't, even I've tried playing the drums and it's like shit that you think would be kind of intuitive. Just like a classic beat I can do for like, you know, 10 seconds and then I like, I'm off beat.

• 46:21Speaker 01

  It's, you need to like practice the limb independence. It's a whole thing. And like, I loved that challenge. Like I just felt like, oh, now I can like move my foot without my hand doing the same thing.

• 46:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 46:31Speaker 01

  I got really, really addicted to it and probably because of the DDR already ingrained.

• 46:35Stavros Halkias?

  Right. The pathways were ready to go.

• 46:37Speaker 01

  Konami just has a fucking boo on my neck.

• 46:41Stavros Halkias?

  What are, what are the Konami properties? Do they do Tekken?

• 46:44Speaker 01

  Uh, maybe. I'm not sure.

• 46:45Stavros Halkias?

  Do a little fucking producing. Would it fucking kill you? To have that ready to go.

• 46:50Speaker 02

  They got some bangers, Metal Gear Solid, Silent Hill, Castlevania.

• 46:54Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 46:55Speaker 02

  Contra, Yu-Gi-Oh.

• 46:56Stavros Halkias?

  Ooh, Contra's awesome. Yu-Gi-Oh.

• 46:58Speaker 02

  Some modern titles, E-Football, Super Bomberman R, so.

• 47:03Stavros Halkias?

  I think I've played Super Bomberman, actually. Shout out to Konami. That's a nice one. That's, I like when a brand survives, that's kind of like a little niche, like video game, because it's like, everything just becomes, you know, Nintendo or PlayStation. It's like, everything always gets subsumed, and even Sega is like, just barely exists. But I like Konami, still sticking around, didn't fucking fold into the big guys.

• 47:28Speaker 01

  Quality products.

• 47:29Stavros Halkias?

  I fuck it, yeah. Shout out to them. I had no idea they were, they did DDR.

• 47:33Speaker 01

  Unless I'm wrong. I'm not wrong. It's Konami, right? I can't be wrong about this.

• 47:36Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that would be devastating if you're wrong. Who created DDR?

• 47:39Speaker 02

  It's Konami.

• 47:40Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, alright, yeah. I felt you get actually nervous.

• 47:45Stavros Halkias?

  Well, okay, so we've got, we've gone through, you are the type of person that gets addicted to multiple Konami

• 47:52Stavros Halkias?

  arcade in-person games. Knowing that, why don't we go into, it's time to solve some problems here, Dina.

• 47:59Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 47:59Stavros Halkias?

  So why don't we take some calls, and at the halfway point, is there anything particular you'd like to plug here? People follow you.

• 48:06Speaker 01

  Follow Moosh Kill. That's my boyfriend and I. We play sometimes in Grand Army Plaza. Moosh, M-O-O-S-H underscore kill.

• 48:16Stavros Halkias?

  I like this. I'm actually gonna institute a rule where you cannot actually plug anything helpful to your career from now on. And you have to pick, you have to pick like, actually, you know what, you could do one, but you have to also do another completely random, just personal project. Check out Moosh Kill, everyone.

• 48:32Speaker 01

  When's this gonna air? I guess I'll be in Raleigh, headlining Raleigh Comedy Festival at the end of this month.

• 48:37Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, this has already happened. Everybody had a great time in Raleigh.

• 48:42Stavros Halkias?

  You have a special, look, I'll do a little for you. You have a special on.

• 48:45Speaker 01

  Actually, I do want to say, don't watch it on.

• 48:47Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, don't watch it. Bleep out where I said where it was.

• 48:51Speaker 01

  I'm gonna upload it to Punch Up. I really want people to follow me on Punch Up.

• 48:56Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 48:56Speaker 01

  Because I don't want to post on social media anymore. So please, just follow me on Punch Up and I'm gonna post a very edited version of the special that's a lot better than the one that's already out there.

• 49:04Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, damn. Alright, we'll check it. Alright, so we will link to Punch, to your Punch Up when this comes out. Um, alright, I'll just play us a couple, give us some calls, little buddy.

• 49:15Speaker 04

  Hey, what's up, Scotty? Um, yeah, I was just wondering, I'm, so I'm a 26-year-old guy. I'm a PhD student, I'm a biologist, working on my PhD at Harvard. Uh, I'm gonna be honest, I don't know how the fuck I got here. Um, but I'm in my fourth year, I'm supposed to be graduating next year and uh, last time I met with my graduation committee, I could tell they didn't really think I was on the right track.

• 49:47Stavros Halkias?

  Nice.

• 49:48Speaker 04

  Gave me a plan of attack, you know, to figure out how to move forward, but I want to be honest, I'm kind of a piece of shit. Um, spend my weekends, you know, getting drunk and playing video games and stuff and it's like, I want to finish this thing, I want to really knock it out, but I don't know, I can't really

• 50:10Stavros Halkias?

  This guy's fucking lying.

• 50:11Speaker 04

  Find the motivation to get off my ass and do it and

• 50:15Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 50:16Speaker 04

  You know, I was just wondering if you got any tips for like, how can I, you know, kick myself in gear here and finish this thing out, you know, hey, like, I think I got it in me, but

• 50:29Stavros Halkias?

  What?

• 50:29Speaker 04

  I'm just struggling to find.

• 50:31Stavros Halkias?

  PhD for four years, no one who's done a PhD, if you're a PhD for four years, that means you've been good as shit at school your whole life.

• 50:39Speaker 01

  That's a longer program.

• 50:40Stavros Halkias?

  And what, yeah, yeah, and what did he say he, he's studying?

• 50:42Speaker 01

  Biology?

• 50:43Stavros Halkias?

  He said he's a biologist. That, I mean, I could see that being much harder. I don't know, man, this. This, the lack of specifics and him saying Harvard.

• 50:52Speaker 01

  Do people often make things up when they call?

• 50:54Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know. I mean, look, maybe the guy's for real. Was that his whole question? Is there anything more else?

• 50:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:00Stavros Halkias?

  That's it.

• 51:01Speaker 02

  He's asking for, you know, direction on basically being a fucking loser in this PhD program and his committee doesn't believe in him.

• 51:10Stavros Halkias?

  Well, that's tough because you are a loo- just by, even people who graduate with a PhD are losers most of the time.

• 51:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:16Stavros Halkias?

  They have wasted their lives. Like, people that have been in academia in their, until they're 40.

• 51:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:22Stavros Halkias?

  It's like, at least you're a do- if you're a doctor, or if you're like, like, but if you're, I mean, maybe a biologist, maybe you're doing something good for the world, but like, I don't know. If you're a fucking philosophy PhD.

• 51:35Speaker 01

  That's what I wanted to do, yeah. I wanted to waste my life, and then I found stand-up.

• 51:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 51:40Speaker 01

  And I wasted it in a slightly different way, yeah.

• 51:43Stavros Halkias?

  But yeah, Louis had an old joke about PhDs where he was like, he's the, they're like the dumbest people because they've spent their whole life thinking about one thing forever. So I will say, you're, you're kind of fucked. And if you're, if you're telling the truth, Harvard, I, I just don't respect anyone that goes to Harvard. I think the Ivy Leagues are so clearly, I mean, they, they're so clearly designed to just launder rich people's reputation. Like, some of the dumbest people in the world go to Harvard. And even some very on paper smart people, they think in these very, they're, they're training them to just be part of the ruling class at those fucking schools. So it's like, at may, at least you're in biology, but it's like, if you went to like Harvard for like fucking political science or some shit, then you're a fucking idiot.

• 52:28Stavros Halkias?

  Um, pro- you know, for the most part. Uh, I had a, I had a friend who, who went to like, uh, who went to, I think it was Harvard, but then he was like, this is bullshit. And then he just like, and now he went, and then he went to med school somewhere else. And then he was a teacher and in, like, he was an actually good person who was like, the Ivy Leagues are fucking bad and ra- Like, he was a poor kid, like, black guy from Baltimore. So it was like, they're fucking stacked against you. If you're poor, they treat you like shit when you get there. And he was smart as fuck, obviously. Um, so, I don't know. I'm a little dubious about this question because there's a, there's a, there's a lack of specifics. But having, now that I've, we've aired all my, uh, the negatives, let's pretend it's a real question.

• 53:12Stavros Halkias?

  And some guy is having trouble finishing his PhD. And he goes to bars on weekends.

• 53:19Speaker 01

  And video games.

• 53:20Stavros Halkias?

  And plays video games. That I do believe. See, here's where he's lying. It's one or the other. If you're a fucking PhD that plays a lot of video games, you're not going to them. You are on a social life.

• 53:31Speaker 01

  That's true. It's weird to be a passionless PhD.

• 53:35Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 53:36Speaker 01

  It's like, this is the one thing you're super interested in.

• 53:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 53:39Speaker 01

  So.

• 53:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, why are you doing this? Why have you lost? I mean, obviously, I'm just gonna tell you, do whatever it takes to finish it.

• 53:48Speaker 01

  Just not to waste the money.

• 53:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, that's another thing. He didn't mention money. Are you there? Are you there? I mean, he must, are you a TA? This just feels fake to me. I don't know what to tell you. Did he do, did he have a, did he do any other calls? Sometimes they'll do multiple calls.

• 54:03Speaker 02

  I didn't see one.

• 54:04Stavros Halkias?

  All right. All right, let's just say, now, at the same time, all right, fine. Let's transition to giving him advice if it's real. Um, I know what it's like to be super burned out, right? Like, I kind of feel like, actually, right now, I feel like, fuck, I have so much to do. And like, when this comes out, I think we're probably in the middle of the bus tour. Come check us out on the, on the bus. And I'm about to do my, I'm about to shoot my special. Um, and so I get, you know what? I do get being burned out. And I could see being at the same school for fucking four years, or whatever, same program for four years. And maybe they're telling you to take a little longer. I could see getting burned out, but I do think if you're getting burned out,

• 54:47Stavros Halkias?

  you just have to have a re, you have to be honest with yourself. You might have to take a little bit of a, of a reset. Maybe you need a little vacation. Maybe you need just some time away from your fucking bad habits. And just realize like, this is stopping me from the rest of my life. The longer I'm in this limbo, the worse it is for me. And you just got, dude, I don't know, you just need to fucking nut up and just shut the fuck up and do it. Especially if your advisors want, are telling you what to fucking do. Like, that's the thing, like, with academia, they tell you what the fuck to do. And that's why I'm a little, again, I'm a little dubious, because it's like, academia is bullshit. They just tell you what to do and you fucking do it. There's not that much fucking, there's not that much creativity and thinking.

• 55:30Stavros Halkias?

  And if you're the kind of person who's been in a PhD program already, you know what the fuck to do. I, I don't know, this, something about this is just, something's off here, but if I'm wrong, I apologize. Maybe you're just a bad storyteller. You're not, you're, you're in biology, so you're not in the arts, but go ahead, Elvis.

• 55:45Speaker 02

  If you're presenting like this to the committee, I can see where they're coming from.

• 55:48Stavros Halkias?

  Totally. No swag, no charisma.

• 55:52Speaker 02

  There is, there is a lack of specificity. I do just like the thought of like, someone in an accomplished program like Biology PhD at Harvard, just being, you know, very lackluster, mediocre, and just kind of like, I don't know. I could see it, because I just, I just think back to college and that, I've felt like this. Obviously, I wasn't getting a fucking PhD in biology, but, I don't know. College, looking back, is like the stupidest, easiest thing you can just breeze through.

• 56:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 56:21Speaker 02

  But it feels like so insurmountable at the time. And this guy says he's 26. I could see a world where he's just a fucking, you know, dumbass who just got on the fucking educational treadmill and now he's like, what the fuck?

• 56:35Stavros Halkias?

  That's a fair point. If, if what's stopping you is like, being like, "Oh, I'm at Harvard." Harvard's bullshit. If that's the thing that's like, because he even says, the only, the only like moment of humanity is where he's like, "Oh, I don't even know how I got here." It's like, dude, it's a fucking school. You got in. All schools are fuck, are this. At the end of the day, it's a school and you're just fucking there, right? You just have to do what you need to do. If that's the thing that's stopping you from finishing, being like overwhelmed by it, just realize it's just a fucking school. It's the same as every other fucking school you went to. Finish it. And you know what? You're right. Think about my own college career. I, when I was sure I didn't want to be in, when I wanted to do stand-up, I was like, I don't give a fuck. My grades tanked. I did a shittier job at the end, but you know what? I, well, I guess I didn't technically finish.

• 57:20Stavros Halkias?

  Cause I don't have my language credits, but I graduated, I walked.

• 57:24Speaker 01

  Oh, you did?

• 57:24Stavros Halkias?

  I walked. The people, I tricked them into letting me walk because they, they let you take your credits on this, in the summer. If you're, if you're like a certain number under.

• 57:33Speaker 01

  Oh, I did that, that exact same thing happen to me.

• 57:35Stavros Halkias?

  Really? You didn't finish either?

• 57:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, I had to take a summer class.

• 57:37Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, you did take it though?

• 57:38Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, I took the summer class.

• 57:39Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, I didn't take it.

• 57:40Speaker 01

  Oh, but you still graduated?

• 57:42Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, I didn't get the diploma, but I got to walk.

• 57:43Speaker 01

  Oh, you didn't? Oh, okay.

• 57:45Stavros Halkias?

  Cause I was like, ah, fuck a diploma.

• 57:47Speaker 01

  Oh, no, I got, I got it.

• 57:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't need this bullshit. And then I was a paralegal. I just lied about having a diploma. No one checked.

• 57:53Speaker 01

  No way. That is so funny. I knew you could get away with that.

• 57:56Stavros Halkias?

  You definitely could. You just have to find the kinds of companies where, uh, two years after they hire you, one of the principal partners blows his brains out because they're all stealing money from each other.

• 58:08Speaker 01

  Did that happen?

• 58:09Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah.

• 58:09Speaker 01

  Oh, my.

• 58:09Stavros Halkias?

  It was a really hilariously, uh, like, uh, a, a more, immoral place to work. Everyone was a piece of shit. The whole company was stealing, like, even though it was during the subprime mortgages and they were like, uh, taking people out of their houses. So I was just a very bad employee when I figured out what we were doing. I was like, well, I'm gonna be bad at work, uh, for political reasons.

• 58:32Speaker 01

  For morals?

• 58:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. It's, uh, my morals. It are the reasons I'm not, I'm playing fucking Kingdom Rush. Or whatever that game was like 10 years ago, where it's like, I have to get my Viking stats up so I can raid another village. Anyway, all right, whatever. I don't know. Did you, any thoughts for this guy?

• 58:50Speaker 01

  Uh, I just don't rea-, I don't get it. If he's already at the end of the line, what's the big deal? Just do it.

• 58:55Stavros Halkias?

  Just do it. Shut the fuck up.

• 58:57Speaker 01

  Or, you know, be like, stop and just don't do it and follow your true passion. If you're gonna keep gaming.

• 59:03Stavros Halkias?

  No, he needs to do it.

• 59:04Speaker 01

  You think so?

• 59:05Stavros Halkias?

  He can't, at this point it is, it's just like, look dude, just get it done. Who fucking cares?

• 59:10Speaker 01

  That's why I, I think so too.

• 59:11Stavros Halkias?

  Who fucking cares?

• 59:12Speaker 01

  I lost passion at the end too. Just get it done.

• 59:14Speaker 03

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• 59:59Speaker 05

  Dana, listen, I want to talk to you about something. Every Thursday, you do know that we're hanging out with some of the biggest names in comedy and entertainment, right?

• 1:00:07Stavros Halkias?

  Are you kidding me? Who's been on this show?

• 1:00:10Speaker 05

  We have great people, a lot of fun. And Mondays, it's you and I to ourselves. We riff on life, pop culture, clips online, every stupid thing. So, everybody out there, join us Mondays, Thursdays, fly on the wall, wherever you get your podcasts. It's a lot of fun, it's a lot of laughs, and it's a lot of stupidity.

• 1:00:31Stavros Halkias?

  All right. Really good advice for that guy. Next question, Eldis.

• 1:00:36Speaker 06

  Hi, Stavi baby, Eldis, esteemed guest. Okay, I'm gonna try and make this quick.

• 1:00:42Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 1:00:43Speaker 06

  I have a friend, I've only known them for maybe like two, three years now. I'm done hanging out with them. They're the kind of friend who always like puts me down. They think I get like way drunker than I am when we go out.

• 1:00:57Stavros Halkias?

  Awesome. Pause this.

• 1:00:59Speaker 06

  Wait, I didn't hear it.

• 1:01:00Stavros Halkias?

  Incredible. She said, "They think I get way drunker than I am when we go out." I'm just gonna tell you, sister, you're on thin ice with that comment. I, I'm, it's like, it's like, you still might be not a fucking piece of shit, but every person's like, "I wasn't even that fucked up, dude." Very rarely are they the reasonable party when their two people have fallen out. But, we're gonna, we're gonna take the cautious approach. We're gonna give you the benefit of the doubt. Keep playing the, keep playing, Eldis.

• 1:01:30Speaker 06

  Am when we go out. And then they'll start telling everybody like my sexual conquests, stories from my whole phase, things that I've done that are maybe embarrassing or private. And they, they're a big fan of putting me down in front of other people, right? Also, there's things, it's always when there's other like, single guys around, they love to make a fool out of me.

• 1:01:58Stavros Halkias?

  I see, okay.

• 1:01:59Speaker 06

  I'm done hanging out with them.

• 1:02:01Stavros Halkias?

  Fair.

• 1:02:01Speaker 06

  My thing is, do you think I owe it to them to let them know their behavior? Like,

• 1:02:07Stavros Halkias?

  Have we done this call before?

• 1:02:09Speaker 06

  Do they already know the kind of person they are? Uh, caveat to the story is, they've told me about almost every single friendship group they've fallen out of over the past like, ten years. They haven't remained friends with very one group of people. Cause they're a fucking bitch.

• 1:02:28Speaker 06

  I guess that's my question. I feel like we've like, grown close enough where I kinda feel like I owe it to them to let them know like, hey,

• 1:02:35Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 1:02:35Speaker 06

  do these things that upset people and this is why no one wants to hang out.

• 1:02:39Stavros Halkias?

  They know what the fuck they're doing.

• 1:02:39Speaker 06

  Or, I don't know, maybe they know well about who they are already.

• 1:02:45Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 1:02:45Speaker 06

  Any advice would be appreciated. Um, yeah, love the show. I love Albanians. I grew up around them, so.

• 1:02:55Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, well, that's your prob- bad judgment. You love Albanians and this is one of your close friends?

• 1:03:00Speaker 02

  Albanians do like to do shit like this.

• 1:03:02Stavros Halkias?

  That is true. This actually is some old world hazing.

• 1:03:05Speaker 02

  This is petty little immigrant shit where, yeah, I could see this kind of behavior.

• 1:03:09Stavros Halkias?

  That's true. Oh, look, yeah, you're around like four hot girls, like, look, oh, remember when fucking held this shit his pants? That is true. There's a lot of like stabbing your friends in the back. And bullying. So she's talking about getting bullied by a friend.

• 1:03:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, she's being bullied. That, that just made me think of a problem I'm facing right now. I can't even think about helping her, cause.

• 1:03:28Stavros Halkias?

  Do you wanna, do you want us to weigh in on your issues? Cause we can.

• 1:03:32Speaker 02

  Fuck this bitch.

• 1:03:33Stavros Halkias?

  You wanna speak about it and you don't have to, get as specific or general as you want, but let us know.

• 1:03:39Speaker 01

  Similar situation, but like, I, I made a friend like a while ago and like, he actually started talking about a similar problem this woman had where like, I have this friend, like kinda sucks, but I don't know whether to tell him, like, listen, you suck.

• 1:03:50Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:03:51Speaker 01

  But then later, I found out that this friend like sexually assaulted this girl.

• 1:03:55Stavros Halkias?

  Oh my god.

• 1:03:56Speaker 01

  And then I stopped hanging out with him, but without, and then you, I would just ignore like his texts and I just didn't know whether to like, tell him why.

• 1:04:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yours is a little different.

• 1:04:11Stavros Halkias?

  She's in a like frenemy situation. You befriended a rapist. Unbeknownst to you, you befriended a rapist. And I think that's actually much more open and shut. Than my friend gets is kind of rude to me. Um, but so, okay, I'm glad we fixed your problem.

• 1:04:35Speaker 01

  Oh, but should I tell him that he's a rapist?

• 1:04:38Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, I don't, oh, okay. I mean, that is actually up to you. I don't think you need to. It's actually what you feel, right? I think like, you know, you're not, you've done what you needed to do by cutting this person out of your life. If they really, because it's like, it's not like he's one of your closest friends, right? If it was somebody close to you, where you actually were like, cared about them, you would, I think the right move is to be like, you need to make, like, you fucked up in a major way. You need to fucking repent, whatever that means, make it whatever, I mean, I don't know what it is, in whatever way, you need to make up for this shit. And, you know, but, and then maybe you're fucking like, if you have a friend who does

• 1:05:19Stavros Halkias?

  something horrible, then you just have to be like, dude, fix, you have to fix this or else, you know, not just me, but everybody in your life, you're going to be, you know, people are going to abandon you. And by the way, it's not about you, you need to fucking fix the thing you did. But if he's like, if it was like, you made a friend and they're a general friend and then you hear that they did something fucked up, it's like, to me, if someone's already on thin ice, or if like, I'm just not that close to them and then they do something insanely fucked up, it's like, I'm not, it's not my fucking job to fix them, I just have to get them out of my life.

• 1:05:52Speaker 01

  Okay, good.

• 1:05:52Stavros Halkias?

  And I just don't support them. And, yeah, just not supporting them, I think is the main, the main thing. Especially if they're just like not upfront about it, or if they're lying, or whatever the fuck. Now, in this girl's case, I think it's the kind of thing where, yes, this is kind of classic. These are the kind of friendships that are childish. This is like shit that is from high school, middle school, like when you don't know to just be like, hey, man, don't treat me like that. Yeah. Like, I had friends like that growing up, you just, and especially, I'm gonna guess our caller here. I, I hear it, it's something I'm familiar with, she's probably a little people-pleasy, right?

• 1:06:32Stavros Halkias?

  Like, that, this is, that's, I know this because I would fall into this trap of being in these kind of like fucked up relationships, and I'm gonna guess she had a fucked up parent or two fucked up parents, cuz like, to me, this is classic, for me, all this shit stems from like my relationship with my dad, where it's just like, you just wanna fucking, it was always easier to make an unreasonable person to bend towards them, because then life is just easier, if you just like, instead of standing up for yourself, and that's a hard pattern to break. Uh, and I think that's what our friend here needs to do, is just be like, uh, is to just cut them out of their li- out of their life. Now, I would say,

• 1:07:12Stavros Halkias?

  you're, you're not gonna accomplish anything by being like, you have hurt my feelings, and the way you behave is not acceptable, right? But, because what's good, here's what's good, I know exactly how that person's gonna react, they're not gonna be like, whoa, have I really been doing that? I should cha- and even if they pretend they don't know, in the back of their fucking head, they know, or even in a more sinister way, it doesn't, they're the kind of person that's gonna make themselves the victim, they're gonna pretend like, oh, that's so unfair, oh, I just, I had a couple jokes, but it wasn't the worst thing. Yeah. You're never gonna get a satisfying, these people live in their own reality, you know, cuz if,

• 1:07:54Stavros Halkias?

  if they were honest with how they're mistreating people, they would feel very bad. Yeah. But they convince themselves that what they're doing is just normal, or it's just hazing, or this is what being friends is, right? Having said that, for you, it would be a good exercise to set a boundary and be like, This isn't unacceptable. You've treated me like this, this and this. Get ready for them to be like, no, I didn't. And then you're like, you actually did. And this is another problem. Is that you're a fu- you fucking lie to me. You're like, what? You don't understand reality? And until you apologize for everything you've done and are realistic, we just, we can never be friends again. That's, if that's, you can do that for you as a type of personal growth for sta- almost like practicing standing up for yourself.

• 1:08:39Stavros Halkias?

  To somebody that doesn't matter, somebody you've already written off and who deserves this like talking to. But if you're, if you don't feel like it and your, your thought is like, do I owe it to them? You don't owe them shit. You could just walk away. And if they're ever like, hey, why aren't you hanging out? It's like, oh, remember the fucking 15 times you pretend? And by the way, I want to apologize. I see what she means where she accuses her of getting too drunk. It's not that our friend here is too sloppy. It's that this person just like, oh, you should have seen fucking Michelle last week. She was fucking falling out of the cab, you know, like just making her, just making her feel, seem like a piece of shit. So. That's my, that's my, I think this is a classic situation. A lot of people go through this. The earlier you get these kinds of people out of your life, the better.

• 1:09:23Stavros Halkias?

  And so, yeah, just move forward. And the, at the root of this problem is your nature. Is you being a people pleaser? Is you attracting the type of people that, cause look, you might cut this girl out of your life. Other people will come back. That's how human psych- I don't understand why, but we just are. We are over and over getting attracted to kind of the wrong people when you grow up in a fucked up situation. So this is gonna happen again. And it's, this is good for you to just have your fucking antenna up. Uh, but you know, we're rooting for you.

• 1:09:53Speaker 01

  Damn.

• 1:09:54Stavros Halkias?

  Good luck.

• 1:09:55Speaker 01

  Great advice.

• 1:09:56Stavros Halkias?

  Thank you. Thank you. I've definitely felt, I mean, I've dealt with that shit too. I think it's hard. A lot of people.

• 1:10:00Speaker 01

  I always want to feel like, I think of like the other person's position. I'm like, well, if I were them, I would really want somebody to tell me like, hey, I'm acting fucked up. Like I always feel like, am I like doing something wrong and no one's telling me? So like, that part of me would want to like tell them, but like, you're right that they would just get defensive.

• 1:10:16Stavros Halkias?

  You would never treat a person like that. And by the way, if you, if somebody told you something, you would listen. And like, cause to the, you know, or at least you would like hear them out.

• 1:10:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:26Stavros Halkias?

  Or you would at least consider. What they're saying is real, whereas like I think these people live in a kind of fake.

• 1:10:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, they rationalize.

• 1:10:33Stavros Halkias?

  They rationalize things and sometimes I'm jealous of it because I mean, they're too selfish, but like I'm it's it's not a bad thing to look out for yourself first. And I think it's important to look out for yourself first to have your bases covered, but that doesn't mean you can't be kind to other people. And in other times, in specific instances, put others first, that's like community, that's friendship, that's love, whatever. But I sometimes I'm jealous of people who just like, no, I don't want to do that. Fuck you.

• 1:11:01Speaker 01

  Just never any self doubt.

• 1:11:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. Or just put the, you know, I think, I think like people that doubt themselves could use a little more of that. And they could use a nice dollop of self.

• 1:11:11Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 1:11:11Stavros Halkias?

  Not even self doubt, maybe just a little self reflection. This whoever is like mean to her is not thinking, is not considering what she's doing wrong for people. She's like, oh, come on, don't be a baby. And then she'll try and fuck her husband or whatever. This girl was like, oh, okay, it was fucking Mardi Gras. Is that that big a deal? I sucked your husband's dick for two minutes. God, you're a bitch. Next question, Mr. Sula.

• 1:11:40Speaker 07

  Hey, Stav, Eldis, Steve the guest. Love the show. Can't tell you how much I appreciate all the laughs and good advice. Uh, for background, I'm 40, never married, no kids, don't really want them. Um, and I generally have my shit together. Um, I'm recently out of a relationship and have been casually dating around for at least a few months now, let's say. I lived in New York City and I'm not red pilled or addicted to Calci or crypto. So I've been doing pretty well on the dating front.

• 1:12:09Stavros Halkias?

  It's that easy, boys. It's literally that easy. I'm sure he looks okay too.

• 1:12:15Speaker 07

  I met a girl tonight. She's pretty awesome. First date situation, late twenties, really cute, great sense of humor, smart, cool job, politically aligned, all that. Uh, go back to my place, start hooking up and the chemistry was great. But here's the issue. She has a very hairy ass crack, like full on backside bush. Don't get me wrong, I'm an adult, I'm good with a regular bush, I've seen a lot in my day.

• 1:12:42Stavros Halkias?

  Come on, man.

• 1:12:43Speaker 07

  But the fart forest is a lot to handle, especially when I'm going down on her or fuck her from behind. Um, I try to keep myself.

• 1:12:51Stavros Halkias?

  He fucking paused to read his, and fuck her from be- behind. That's so fucking funny.

• 1:12:58Speaker 07

  No, female upkeep is expensive and time consuming, but what do I do here?

• 1:13:02Stavros Halkias?

  What do you do?

• 1:13:02Speaker 07

  I hope, uh, she takes, you know, just hope she takes a cue from like my own hygiene habits. Do I tell her I wanna eat her ass?

• 1:13:09Stavros Halkias?

  You wax your, your blow her back?

• 1:13:11Speaker 07

  Do I offer to pay for lasers? Help me out. Thanks, guys.

• 1:13:16Stavros Halkias?

  This is a tou- I mean dude.

• 1:13:18Speaker 01

  I'm so confused.

• 1:13:19Stavros Halkias?

  Come on.

• 1:13:20Speaker 01

  There's no bush that is interfering with fucking.

• 1:13:24Stavros Halkias?

  The back, what he's, he's talking about her ass crack?

• 1:13:28Speaker 02

  He said her ass crack.

• 1:13:30Stavros Halkias?

  So her, like between her cheeks, she's got a very hairy between cheeks? Is that what he's saying? Is she have?

• 1:13:37Speaker 02

  I think so.

• 1:13:38Stavros Halkias?

  We're talking lower back into ass crack is what I'm imagining.

• 1:13:41Speaker 02

  I think so. I'm imagining kinda like a my ass situation.

• 1:13:45Stavros Halkias?

  Of course. Well, that's the thing. We're talk- we're talking to Greeks, Albanians and Muslims. So we know, we know a thing or two about women with hairy lower backs. You're not gonna get a very sympathetic.

• 1:14:00Speaker 01

  This is the wrong episode.

• 1:14:01Stavros Halkias?

  This is the wrong.

• 1:14:02Speaker 02

  She sounds fucking beautiful to me.

• 1:14:04Stavros Halkias?

  Wrong crew. They would've made her fucking princess of Elders Village.

• 1:14:10Stavros Halkias?

  She's the least hairy Albanian. She'd be the least hairy Albanian.

• 1:14:16Stavros Halkias?

  Look, brother, I don't know what to fucking tell you. You know what I mean? It's like, if this is her shit, if that's how she wants to keep her shit up, that's up to her. You know, what if, like, it's literally like, I think this is just another, like, in terms of saying something, I don't think you can say anything. This is like how she want, when you say upkeep your own body, it's like, do you wax exactly, like, do you wax between your ass cheeks? You probably don't. You know what I mean? That's one for one. And so it's like, you know, some people like to have a fucking full cra- some people prefer having a big crazy bush, and that's how they want to live their life. And you can't, as a sexual partner of, what do you say, first date?

• 1:15:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:15:01Stavros Halkias?

  Dude, you don't even fuck it, you haven't, like, maybe you could have this discussion if you're in a committed relationship in the way that's like, hey, what are some of your preferences that I might, and then you feel her out, right? She might be the kind of person who's like, I don't care either way, but if it matters to you, I'll, yeah, sure, who cares? Or she might be like, that's really fucking annoying, or it wa- you know, waxing, it hurts me more, whatever, I'm allergic to certain, and I just would not do it. And that's really her choice. But right now, I don't think you have a leg to stand on. There is no way to bring this up early into dating and not seem like a dickhead.

• 1:15:41Stavros Halkias?

  Like, is the rest of her, she, is like, is like, that's just one, like, she's talking about her hi- his hygiene. Is her hygiene bad? Nothing he said has said she has bad hygiene. She just has a hairy crack, which, you know, you see from time to time. Certain, people have a hairy, they have their, you know, their cheeks are hairy in between. What are you gonna do?

• 1:16:04Speaker 01

  I'm jealous of her, that she's late twenties and already has gotten over the shame of a hairy ass. It took me to be like thirty-four to be like, oh, this is stupid, and I don't care if a guy doesn't want to fuck me because of any kind of fucking hair situation. It's like, you're gay. So.

• 1:16:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, unfortunately, it is eligible for a paw, a paws situation. This is like a paw, this is paws worthy, where being like, you won't fuck her because, you know, she has a little hair on her. But it's like, again.

• 1:16:37Stavros Halkias?

  I think, I think pubic hair in general is a per- like you can, again, if you're in a relationship and you wanna, and you guys can talk about everything and you wanna bring it up, that's one thing, but as a hookup, you got no leg to stand on here, in my, in my opinion. And yeah, maybe you wanna, you wanna make it a little, again, until it's more serious, you just have to either, it's part of the whole package and you have to decide if you like it or not. That's how I view it. But, yeah dude. What's the fucking be- also, what's the big deal? Who fucking cares?

• 1:17:10Speaker 01

  There's no deal.

• 1:17:11Stavros Halkias?

  She's great, she, he described a great, she's awesome. And it is, this is, I know you're not cow sheed, red pilled, whatever, you're a little in the zone with this particular take. That, you know, it's like, just fuck, fuck a beautiful woman. And if she's got a hairy, if she's got a hairy cheeks, like, whatever. You know what I mean? That's, that's her-

• 1:17:32Speaker 01

  With all the problems in the world right now. How dare you?

• 1:17:36Stavros Halkias?

  Also, it's like, yeah, man, that, that part of the human body has hair. You know, like, what are you gonna, is it really about how it look, is it aesthetics when you're fucking someone?

• 1:17:47Speaker 01

  That's all it is. He doesn't like looking at it.

• 1:17:49Stavros Halkias?

  It's like, who cares? It's more about feel, a feeling than aesth- and it's also like, you're really taking a very specific look at the crack when you're in, like, fucking from the back? That's nuts. Aren't you just enjoying the overall? Isn't it more about the whole body? I'm not really looking at the ass crack when I'm fucking from behind. I'm trying to sneak a side view of a titty. I'm trying, you know what I mean? I'm fucking, you know, I'm looking at myself in the mirror and flexing.

• 1:18:17Stavros Halkias?

  I just have mirrors set up just for me.

• 1:18:20Stavros Halkias?

  The girl does not appear, I've, I've designed it so the woman's not appearing in a single mirror. It's actually very hard to do, to not get a, to, to get her in any reflection, but I've, I've figured it out. Yeah. Good luck, bro. Just fucking accept. Either accept, or if you can't deal with it, then you can't, then it's just like a deal breaker. But I, I don't think you should live your life where that's a deal breaker.

• 1:18:44Speaker 08

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• 1:19:02Speaker 09

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• 1:19:14Speaker 03

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• 1:20:00Stavros Halkias?

  LD?

• 1:20:01Speaker 10

  Hey, stuff. Uh, love you, big fan here. I'll try not to ramble, but...

• 1:20:09Speaker 10

  So I'm going through this thing with my fiance. She had a bunch of stuff on her phone. You know, involving like her exes. She had a bunch of pictures. Their contacts, a bunch of messages. And she did delete only because we got into like fights about it. Not fights, but like arguments. But you know, stuff still comes up. She confessed to her sister one day that

• 1:20:42Speaker 10

  she had thoughts of one of her exes that, you know, like what her life could be now and like in the future if they were still together. And she thinks of them every day.

• 1:20:53Stavros Halkias?

  Every day.

• 1:20:54Speaker 10

  We kind of argued about that and she tried to reassure me that-

• 1:20:57Stavros Halkias?

  A little worried that in her private moments with her sister, she confessed to thinking about her ex every day. This wasn't like, like, look, whatever, everybody, you can't help those thoughts. Even if you're in a happy relationship, sometimes like the human mind has a real talent for nostalgia and for remembering things way better than they are, right? So in moments when things are hard, everybody kind of thinks like, and sometimes your brain picks out someone you forgot about. You're like, maybe I should have married her. And it's like, what? The fucking alcoholic you dated when you were 22? You think that's who you should, that was your true love? But so, okay, from time to time, if somebody pops into your head and you're like,

• 1:21:39Stavros Halkias?

  that's fucking stupid. That's not the end of the world. But every day is one of the most fucking insane things I've ever heard. But let's, I, there's more to the call.

• 1:21:48Speaker 10

  You know, we're spending our life together and she's over him. I don't know if I buy it.

• 1:21:55Stavros Halkias?

  I don't.

• 1:21:57Speaker 10

  You know, she still has a bunch of guys on her Snapchat, you know, that she obviously has talked to in the past. To be fair, I haven't seen her like talk to anybody on Snapchat besides like her girlfriends. So I don't know. Am I overreacting or, you know, should I tell her that she should be deleting this stuff? You know, especially if we're spending our life together.

• 1:22:26Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, man. He's so cooked.

• 1:22:28Speaker 10

  She doesn't have the time to go through and delete everything.

• 1:22:33Stavros Halkias?

  He's so defeated.

• 1:22:34Speaker 10

  You know, she is constantly on her phone, to be fair. I don't know. Some advice would be helpful, thanks.

• 1:22:42Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, no, dude. Fuck, you're fucked. The advice is you're fucked, chief. I mean, yeah.

• 1:22:51Speaker 01

  The sooner you end this, the better. I, that really hurts me.

• 1:22:56Stavros Halkias?

  I know.

• 1:22:56Speaker 01

  I have nightmares about like finding something like that out about the person I'm with. Like, it just shatters your world.

• 1:23:03Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, of course, yeah. Yeah, and like, dude, he sounds young. I don't know, maybe he's not.

• 1:23:08Speaker 02

  He sounds young. He also said it's like his fiancee. That is tough. I, I could see it being like a been together since, you know, maybe high school, 18s or something, and they just ended up getting engaged and it's clearly...

• 1:23:23Stavros Halkias?

  White trash fiancee is like, that's less secure than girlfriend, if you're white trash. Something happens with white trash, once the ring is out, where they, the cheating, it's like, it's like when you really turn up, it's like the mini boss is harder than the boss. It's like if white trash can survive an engagement, they can probably get married. But there's something about fiancee where it's just kinda, maybe because it's French, it makes you wanna cheat more, that title. But, yeah, dude, I'm sorry, you're fucked in every way here.

• 1:23:55Speaker 01

  It sounds so unhealthy, because he's clearly going through her phone.

• 1:23:58Stavros Halkias?

  That's another thing. It's like, okay, let's take things step by step. Why do you have so much information about her phone? How did you learn about the conversation with her sister?

• 1:24:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:24:08Stavros Halkias?

  Who, who let you in on that? The sister? Because if the sister did it, that means it was so bad that somebody's flesh and blood was like, I owe it to Jeff to let him know. You know what I mean? Like, because if the sister confessed, that's bad. That's her trying to be like, you're a nice guy, my sister's gonna ruin your life. Or the sister's a meddlesome whore who wants, who's trying to be like drama or whatever.

• 1:24:34Speaker 02

  That also seems like a little white trash detail as well, just like the sister with the loose lips.

• 1:24:39Stavros Halkias?

  Oh my god, what if I just stayed with Bill? Sure, he had a heavy right hook, but everything else was awesome. Oh, he wasn't a fucking bitch like Michael. Always asking me about my feelings. Shut the fuck up! How can I be attracted to you when you care about me as a human being? Yeah, I mean dude, that's tough. I know, you're right, her sister. No, he is, look, he's a good kid, but I see what you're saying. And then he's like, maybe I should fuck him. I'll tell him about this. And they have some rivalry that they're, you know what I mean? You're a pawn in their white trash game.

• 1:25:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, buddy. Uh, so that's number one. How are you getting all this information? Are you, have you been, did you accidentally find something? And this, and this is her damage control? Is this her lie? Her halfway truth to make you feel better? Cause this is devastating if it's the worst of it. If this is like, she's actually been fucking her ex and she's like, oh no, I didn't fuck him. I just, I told my sister, I think about him every day.

• 1:25:49Stavros Halkias?

  I'm sorry, man. I have no read of this. I'm trying not to be this fucking harsh, but there's no read of this, like knee jerk where the, even if she's not, right? Let's say she's not cheating and this is stuff that she's hung up on, whatever. And she hasn't done anything untoward yet. The clock's ticking.

• 1:26:06Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:26:07Stavros Halkias?

  And it's the kind of thing where best case scenario, she's the kind of person who is trying to get a rise out of you. She's behaved like best case, she's doing all this shit because she wants you to be like, who the, what the hell the fuck? She like thrives off of a little like being scolded or like, you know, you having to step in, whatever. Like, I don't know. That's to me, that's the only, and that's not good, but I think it's like somebody who wants drama in their relationship is the best case scenario. Worst case scenario is she is right now cheating on you. The middle way is she probably, she maybe isn't yet, but if these trends continue, it's gonna happen. So to me, get the fuck out of there fast.

• 1:26:50Speaker 01

  Get the ring back first. Make sure you get the money back.

• 1:26:52Stavros Halkias?

  Get the ring back. Claire's will take the, your, if you kept the receipt, they'll give you it back. Whatever fucking pawn shop you bought it from. You can get back your lawn mower that you gave them for an exchange for it.

• 1:27:08Speaker 01

  This is a mindset I cannot relate to. I've gotten out of relationships for so much less.

• 1:27:14Speaker 01

  I can't imagine like having to ask for advice about this where like I would have been gone so long ago.

• 1:27:18Stavros Halkias?

  And what, how would you, do you have like breaking up, is that a problem for you? Or do you feel energized to do it? Or do you just leave and let them figure it out? When you say you leave, like.

• 1:27:28Speaker 01

  Uh, it's not a problem.

• 1:27:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:31Speaker 01

  I mean, I think I need like a period of processing and to like, figure out it's that's what I really want. And then it just like, yeah, it's it's over.

• 1:27:40Stavros Halkias?

  That's good. Yeah, I have, I mean, any big, I think going back to the people pleasing thing, any big conversation where somebody's feelings get hurt, it takes me a little while to, unless I'm like emotionally in the moment and like it just need, I'm trying to get better at just reacting to my emotions instead of just like, you know, feeling something and being like, no, no, don't do that. That people get mad. When I can, when I can do it right away, it's freeing. But then if I don't do it immediately when I realize it, it just, the longer I wait, the harder it is. But, uh, yeah. Sorry to this kid. I just don't, may, look, maybe the people will disagree with me. But this is one of those where I've just, my spidey senses are going crazy.

• 1:28:20Speaker 01

  It's so clear.

• 1:28:20Stavros Halkias?

  Crazy dude. Um, so yeah, brother. Good luck. You know, get back out there. Start your life over. Do not get married to this woman. That's, that's one thing I can say. Don't get married to her, whatever you do. Tough. Poor, how defeated he sounded. Uh, been there. I've definitely been there when I was really young. It's just like, some, somebody just hurting your feelings. I mean, this is close, this is kind of similar to the girl whose friend was bullying her. It's just romantic versus platonic. Any mistreatment over time, it's like, you gotta stand up for yourself.

• 1:28:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:28:57Stavros Halkias?

  You don't want to be in the kind of relationship where this, where somebody just does this, behaves this way. And again, we're really burying the thinks about her ex every day thing. That's fucking nuts.

• 1:29:08Speaker 02

  It is just really sad to hear a guy with that voice, like imagining him in the room with her, like, trying to get angry and stern, but he can't even get there.

• 1:29:16Stavros Halkias?

  He can't get there.

• 1:29:17Speaker 02

  Why do you look through your phone? Who are you talking to?

• 1:29:19Stavros Halkias?

  Why do you have so many people on Snapchat?

• 1:29:21Speaker 02

  And he just kind of knows, he knows he's fucked.

• 1:29:24Stavros Halkias?

  Asking questions, you know the answer to.

• 1:29:26Speaker 02

  She doesn't give a fuck.

• 1:29:27Stavros Halkias?

  Right. And eventually, like, it's like, it's like, at certain point, what you want is like to be treated like the Iraq war, where they at least lied to you.

• 1:29:36Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:29:36Stavros Halkias?

  At least cared. Yeah. They at least, right now, you're in the Iraq war part of this relationship. Where she's gonna go at length to cover up. And she's gonna lie, and it's gonna sound plausible at first. And very soon, you'll be at the Iran war. Where it's like, before you know it, you just open your fucking scion TC and she's sucking dick in there. And you're like, ah, what the hell? And she's like, oh, get out, this is my private time. You know, like. You know what this is. You know what it is, shut up. I'm not even cheating. And you're like, really? Like, no. Go back inside, I'll be in in 20 minutes. So yeah, dude, get the fuck out. I'm sorry, man, I'm sorry to be so blunt. We just, I completely misread the situation, I ruined his life. Cause he's a bad storyteller, with a flat affect.

• 1:30:25Stavros Halkias?

  Give us one more, little LD.

• 1:30:30Speaker 11

  Hey, staff. Elders, esteemed guests. Um, I don't really have a question, but it's more of a, I guess, insight. Uh, based on your latest podcast with Rupa. Um, you talk about what is 16 and 20 like? You know, if you get pussy at that age. Uh, you talk about how your whole personality is just like, kinda get pussy the whole time.

• 1:30:58Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 1:30:59Speaker 11

  Well, I lost my virginity at 16, um.

• 1:31:02Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm, like expert ways in.

• 1:31:04Speaker 11

  Was never really having to.

• 1:31:06Stavros Halkias?

  Pause this?

• 1:31:07Speaker 11

  Uh, I don't know.

• 1:31:08Stavros Halkias?

  I didn't actually, I know what it's like, man. You don't have to explain it like it's fucking, like it's going, like, what's, what's it like actually being in Beijing? It's like, I, I have a feel, like, I, I think I know what it would have been like, but go ahead, man. Brag about getting pussy at 16 without having to try. You really are bad at screening calls, Elders.

• 1:31:28Speaker 11

  Well, I lost my virginity at 16, um. I guess you could say I was blessed with never really having to.

• 1:31:35Stavros Halkias?

  See the humble brag?

• 1:31:36Speaker 11

  Uh, I don't know, work you hard to get pussy.

• 1:31:37Stavros Halkias?

  It was bloody, the octave jump.

• 1:31:42Speaker 11

  Sixteen to twenty looks the same. You're always trying to get pussy, even if you didn't get pussy.

• 1:31:48Stavros Halkias?

  No, it does.

• 1:31:49Speaker 11

  You're still trying to get pussy all the time.

• 1:31:51Stavros Halkias?

  No, man, it's not the same.

• 1:31:53Speaker 11

  I'm a thirty-five-year-old man. Uh, I have a wife, a beautiful one-year-old child.

• 1:31:59Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:32:00Speaker 11

  Um, life expectancy. But, you know, I think with the birth of my son, I changed my life and I finally decided to, to like, stop thinking about pussy.

• 1:32:10Stavros Halkias?

  Stop cheating on my wife with sixteen-year-olds.

• 1:32:12Speaker 11

  You're just always thinking about it, bro. So, it would have been the same even if you got laid at sixteen.

• 1:32:16Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 1:32:17Speaker 11

  Um, I don't know.

• 1:32:18Stavros Halkias?

  This is a horrible call in every way, Elvis. Not only did you let him slip through just bragging that he got pussy at sixteen, but he didn't even offer an interesting counterpoint. He's like, "Oh, it would have been the same." It's like, no, it fundamentally would not have been. And you don't know that. This guy doesn't know, just because it's like, yeah, when, okay, the guy who had a big meal, right? Is, let's say a guy who has breakfast. Is he, sure, he'll have dinner, but is he as hungry as a guy who didn't have breakfast? No, man, it's that fucking simple. It's so, and you don't know, you don't know the existential dread of being like, "Am I just gonna be a virgin forever?" That hanging over your head is crazy. Also, it's like, one of those things that immediately is gone.

• 1:33:01Stavros Halkias?

  The second you have sex, it disappears. And it was, it dictated your whole life. Your whole identity is like, "Am I just a loser that's never gonna get pussy?" So you, all due respect, man, you have no fucking idea what it's like sixteen to twenty if you don't get pussy. All right? Just because you also, I didn't say you would fuck once and stop wanting to fuck, but it just would stop being a central part of your fucking identity, I guess, is my, is my point.

• 1:33:28Speaker 01

  You'd have more confidence.

• 1:33:29Stavros Halkias?

  More confidence. It wouldn't be a big deal. You know what I mean? Like, just because you're a simpleton who didn't get past wanting to get pussy, I am that way for psychological reasons.

• 1:33:43Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, alright, maybe coming around to it, maybe I see what he's saying. That we're all just base animals that are gonna wanna fuck no matter what, but still. There's just something about that being a loser shit. That you're also like, the social, and you're scared to get fucking exposed as a virgin. You have all these, you obfuscate, you never, you never say you're, like, the hardest thing. In high school, everybody grows up together, they've known each other, it's not a big deal, whatever. But when you go to college, and you just, you just don't say you're a virgin, you know? And you just have to kinda pretend, or you're just like, you just kinda, you never wanna be on the record. It's like, now it's like politicians, whether they've taken money from AIPAC or not.

• 1:34:26Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? It's like, they don't wanna, now they can't exactly, like, well, I, you know, I'm a friend to our allies, you know? They talk in, that's me talking in general terms, I'm like, oh dude, yeah, just going to parties, chicks are around, you know? It's like, and it's like, you never admit you didn't get pussy. But, then you're like, what if I'm exposed one day? Or if somebody, or god forbid, someone just directly asks you, "Hey, have you ever fucked?" And then you're gonna be like, huh?

• 1:34:55Stavros Halkias?

  What? Duh, and then you're forced to lie for real for the first, that's tough, when you have to just lie. And you have to keep straight, like, who have I lied to, who knows?

• 1:35:05Speaker 01

  I had a guy confess to me while we were having sex that he was a virgin.

• 1:35:09Stavros Halkias?

  Wild! That's crazy.

• 1:35:12Speaker 01

  I thought it was cute.

• 1:35:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:35:15Stavros Halkias?

  I think it's, yes, that's the other funny thing, like dudes, it's all in your head that you're a loser, but I do think it would be endearing to the right person, you know? Cause it's like, cause it's, it's kind of classically rooted in the like, a lot of straight behavior. You see with all the manosphere stuff now, where it's like, some of the very like, toxic straight stuff is actually incredibly gay activity. Like homo-social activity, where it's like, like, not, the people you're afraid of is the scorn of other men. About being a virgin, it's like, it's like the way other guys see you. Whereas like, women, I don't think like, some women would think you're a loser, obviously, but some might actually find it cute or endearing. So anyway, fuck you, man. Shut the fuck up.

• 1:36:00Stavros Halkias?

  You don't know what the fuck I went through, man.

• 1:36:04Speaker 01

  What a weird call.

• 1:36:05Stavros Halkias?

  I know. El, just a bad producing one. This is part. What else is new, folks? We're all, we know the podcast. It's one of the signature elements is that it really sucks dick some of the time. But I think that's gonna do it for us. Dina, thank you so much. This was so great.

• 1:36:22Speaker 01

  So much fun.

• 1:36:22Stavros Halkias?

  Super fun. Yeah, check out, we'll, we'll link to the Punch Up. Check out the special. See us on tour if we're still on tour. Or if you're in Baltimore, the, we've probably at this point released a couple la- Well, actually, I don't know when this comes out, so I won't, I won't say anything. But listen, keep an eye out in Baltimore. We're gonna, we're gonna try and get the special tapings as full as we can. So we might be releasing last minute tickets if you haven't gotten them yet. We'll see. But in any case, thanks for listening and we will talk to you next time. Bye bye.

• 1:37:01Stavros Halkias?

  You gonna play us out or what the fuck?

• 1:37:13Speaker 08

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• 1:37:31Speaker 09

  No bridges necessary. 50 US and DC age 18 plus. See playat McD.com for rules and playat McD.com slash AMOE for info and playing without purchase by mail by November 2nd. Chesscar game ends November 8th. Game ends November 22nd, 2026. See rules for prize details. Monopoly is a registered trademark of Hasbro.

• 1:37:44Stavros Halkias?

  Hey listeners, Stavi here. Thank you for tuning into Stavi's World each week. If you want to hear new episodes ad free, subscribe to Sirius XM Podcast Plus on Apple Podcasts or visit SiriusXM.com/podcastplus to listen with Spotify or another app of your choice.