#171 - Ms. Pat

Ms. Pat joins the pod to discuss season 5 of The Ms. Pat Show (out now on BET Plus), Ms. Pat Settles It (BET Plus), her new Youtube cooking show Whiskin’ It All, where her and Stav’s fashion sense overlaps, Stav’s little hog, why white men are angry, having kids young, and much more. Ms. Pat and Stav help callers including a guy who needs help telling his wife he doesn’t want to stuff their dog when it passes away, and a guy who wants to tell the girl he’s casually seeing that she smells down there. Watch “The Ms. Pat Show” and “Ms. Pat Settles It” on BET Plus! Watch Ms. Pat’s cooking show “Whiskin’ It All” on her Youtube page: https://www.youtube.com/@mspatcomedychannel See Ms. Pat live and follow her on social media: https://mspatcomedy.com/ https://www.instagram.com/comediennemspat/ https://www.tiktok.com/@comediennemspat https://www.youtube.com/@mspatcomedychannel https://twitter.com/comediennemspat Thank you to our sponsors! Twisted Tea - https://www.twistedtea.com/locations Keep It Twisted!! Cash App - Download Cash App Today: https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/wyx330el Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. See terms and conditions at https://cash.app/legal/us/en-us/card-agreement. Cash App Green, overdraft coverage, borrow, cash back offers and promotions provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit http://cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. Thank you Sam Evans for help with this week’s Twisted Tea call!!: https://www.youtube.com/@reallysamevans https://www.instagram.com/reallysamevans https://www.tiktok.com/@reallysamevans https://twitter.com/ReallySamEvans ☎️ Want to be a part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice! 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Speaker 00

  Hey, it's me, Teddy Swims. You hear that? That's life. So go grab it. Grab your old friends, grab new friends, grab a White Claw. Grab flavor for everyone in your group. Grab music, laughter, and moments you'll never forget. You'll never regret it.

• 0:20Speaker 01

  Oh, hey, man.

• 0:22Speaker 00

  Grab new friends, grab old friends, grab life by the claw. White Claw. Please drink responsibly. White Claw Celta Works, Chicago, Illinois.

• 0:30Speaker 02

  Time for a quick break to talk about McDonald's. It's the tangiest time of the year. For a limited time, head to McDonald's and get a McRib sandwich. Make it a meal by adding a medium fries and a soft drink like an ice cold Diet Dr. Pepper. So grab a McRib sandwich and embrace the tang. Save time by ordering ahead on the app. At participating McDonald's for a limited time. Dr. Pepper is a registered trademark of Dr. Pepper, 7-Up Inc.

• 0:54Stavros Halkias?

  Welcome, everybody, to Stavvy's World. 904-800-Stav. Call in, we'll solve all your problems. We're very happy to have Ms. Pat on the couch today. Ms. Pat, thank you for coming. Thank you for being here.

• 1:08Speaker 01

  Thank you. I like the little Mexican music.

• 1:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. It's Greek, but Mexico's close enough.

• 1:15Speaker 01

  Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know the music came with olives. What did it call? Olives?

• 1:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yep, olives. We're big olive guys.

• 1:24Speaker 01

  You Greek?

• 1:25Stavros Halkias?

  I am Greek.

• 1:26Speaker 01

  Oh, okay. I thought you just a white man.

• 1:28Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, no. Greek.

• 1:30Speaker 01

  I didn't know you had a little flavor.

• 1:32Stavros Halkias?

  A little flavor. I feel like we're kind of like the sour cream and onion of white people. You know what I mean? Just a little something different, you know?

• 1:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, because they just mayonnaise. So you sour cream and onion, I think you might taste a little bit better.

• 1:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I think so.

• 1:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:46Stavros Halkias?

  We're, yeah, not a lot of Greek. Do you have a lot of Greeks in Atlanta?

• 1:48Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 1:49Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 1:51Speaker 01

  I'mma be honest with you. Your skin is white, so you're white. You have to tell me you something else.

• 1:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's fair.

• 1:58Speaker 01

  I don't go around and say, "What are you?"

• 2:02Stavros Halkias?

  It's purely visual for you.

• 2:04Speaker 01

  Well, yes, it is.

• 2:06Stavros Halkias?

  Maybe you catch me in the summer. I got a little tan going, maybe then. But for now, wintertime, you wouldn't even think twice. That's fair.

• 2:15Speaker 01

  Okay, you darken up?

• 2:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I do. I get, I crisp up nice.

• 2:19Speaker 01

  Oh, you do?

• 2:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:20Speaker 01

  Oh, okay.

• 2:21Stavros Halkias?

  I'm a big beach guy.

• 2:22Speaker 01

  Oh, so you get almost black during the summertime?

• 2:24Stavros Halkias?

  I wouldn't go that far. But I will say, my brother, when we would get back from Greece, kids would talk to him in Spanish. So, you know, so they thought he was... So, we at least, we don't get to black, but we get to maybe like a light Latino.

• 2:37Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 2:38Stavros Halkias?

  On the spectrum.

• 2:39Speaker 01

  Okay, well, that's a good tan.

• 2:41Stavros Halkias?

  Check back in in August. I'll send you some pics.

• 2:43Speaker 01

  Don't do that.

• 2:50Speaker 01

  You, can I say, you know what you look like to me?

• 2:52Stavros Halkias?

  Please, go crazy.

• 2:54Speaker 01

  Something that go on top of a wedding cake.

• 3:00Stavros Halkias?

  I've got cake topper. I've got, I've got a cake topper face, you think?

• 3:04Speaker 01

  Yes, that's what you, especially with you in that chair like that.

• 3:09Speaker 01

  You look like a cake topper.

• 3:12Stavros Halkias?

  I think it's the big head.

• 3:13Speaker 01

  Or some, or something that somebody hired to jump out of cake and scare the shit out of somebody. That's what you give me. That's the energy you give me. Didn't I know you were Greek, Greek, but oh, okay.

• 3:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you thought I'm either a cake topper or involved in some kind of hijinks. Involved in mischief.

• 3:31Speaker 01

  Cake topper energy. That's what you give me.

• 3:34Stavros Halkias?

  Now, I appreciate that because it's not technically a fat joke because being on top of the cake has nothing to do with eating it. So, I do respect that. Because most people would go, gone right for fat joke.

• 3:44Speaker 01

  You give me lesbian cake topper.

• 3:49Stavros Halkias?

  So, I'm the groom in a lesbian wedding?

• 3:51Speaker 01

  No, no, no, them two girls.

• 3:53Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 3:55Stavros Halkias?

  The one in a tuxedo.

• 3:57Speaker 01

  You what they call the dick carrier.

• 4:04Speaker 01

  You the scrap on, you the dad.

• 4:05Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, sure, sure. I've always been very envious of being able to upgrade your dick whenever you wanted. Lesbians have that over me for sure.

• 4:13Speaker 01

  Oh, and black men do too.

• 4:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, well, yeah, yeah, but that's natural. I just mean like, you get to go to the store and buy a better dick.

• 4:19Speaker 01

  You can buy you a better dick at the store? Amazon don't discriminate?

• 4:22Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know. I don't know if I'd get the same joy out of using a fake dick over my small dick.

• 4:29Speaker 01

  Elvis, why don't you get his dick out of the mailbox for him, Elvis?

• 4:34Stavros Halkias?

  I'm shopping every day, trying to see what technology can do out there.

• 4:38Speaker 01

  And if you, I'm telling you, I know some people that can help you pick out a good dick.

• 4:44Speaker 01

  I mean, why?

• 4:44Stavros Halkias?

  I think I could pick it out. I don't think, I don't think it would be hard for me to find an objectively nice one. I don't think I'd get the utility out of it personally.

• 4:53Speaker 01

  Why not? All you gotta do is do like they do in the handmaid's cell when they play like they was having babies, just fake it.

• 5:00Stavros Halkias?

  So what I should do, so what me and other, the rest of the small dick community should do is get us...

• 5:05Speaker 01

  Your dick is small?

• 5:06Stavros Halkias?

  It's not great. Yeah, yeah. So you, before, before you knew that, you just thought I should upgrade? You, you, you felt it.

• 5:14Speaker 01

  I mean, you look like you piss on your nuts.

• 5:21Stavros Halkias?

  How cold is it, Miss Pat?

• 5:24Speaker 01

  It's always cold if you got naked.

• 5:30Stavros Halkias?

  I will neither confirm or deny the nut pissing rumors, these vicious rumors.

• 5:36Speaker 01

  Is your penis really small?

• 5:39Stavros Halkias?

  It's not great, I would say. I have been...

• 5:42Speaker 01

  So, let me ask you this.

• 5:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, please.

• 5:44Speaker 01

  As a, as a not-so-great dick guy.

• 5:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 5:46Speaker 01

  How do you jack it?

• 5:48Stavros Halkias?

  How do I jack off?

• 5:49Speaker 01

  Yes, do you put your balls in it so it'll be a complete set? Or do you just hold on to the little pink?

• 5:54Stavros Halkias?

  I think, yeah, I don't, that's the thing, when you're jacking off, there's no need to, for, for glamour. There's no need to, no one's looking at it. So I think my dick probably looks pretty small. I'm holding on to the whole thing, you know, not a lot of, there's not a lot of overlap. Once we put a hand on it, you know, there's not, not much comes over the top, I would say. Kind of like, you know, when you, when you get a hot dog from a...

• 6:16Speaker 01

  You got a peek-a-boo dick?

• 6:17Stavros Halkias?

  From pretzel, from...

• 6:20Stavros Halkias?

  You know, you know, in like the bun, maybe just the top is coming out of a hot dog.

• 6:24Speaker 01

  What?

• 6:25Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? You just see like the little, that's sort of my-

• 6:27Speaker 01

  Are you serious? Who did that to you?

• 6:31Stavros Halkias?

  I think that's God, unfortunately.

• 6:33Speaker 01

  I know, and they always tell me, "God is good." Not all the time.

• 6:36Stavros Halkias?

  Right, thank you.

• 6:38Speaker 01

  God un-gave this-

• 6:39Stavros Halkias?

  It's complicated.

• 6:39Speaker 01

  God has given this wedding topper a small dick.

• 6:44Speaker 01

  So, so pretty much, you're a lesbian.

• 6:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I guess so, in many ways, in style, I think.

• 6:51Speaker 01

  So, your dick is like a clit?

• 6:53Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, I think it's a little better than a clit. I would upgrade, I would say my dick isn't quite a clit. I, I think it's just on the, you know, at, right at the average mark, unfortunately.

• 7:04Speaker 01

  Oh, that's not average, just here.

• 7:06Stavros Halkias?

  I didn't, yeah.

• 7:06Speaker 01

  That's not average.

• 7:09Stavros Halkias?

  I have grown to accept my little ass dick as I've grown, grown older.

• 7:13Speaker 01

  So, you know what you can do to get a bigger dick?

• 7:15Stavros Halkias?

  Please, this is huge.

• 7:17Speaker 01

  All you gotta do is put a shoestring on your dick and tie it on to the dough and just keep slamming the door.

• 7:23Stavros Halkias?

  I think you're thinking of, uh, when a tooth is loose.

• 7:28Speaker 01

  But think about it, if it'll pull a tooth out, it'll pull the rest of that dick out of you.

• 7:35Stavros Halkias?

  I'll give the tooth fairy, I'll put a thousand dollars under the pillow.

• 7:39Speaker 01

  No, I'm telling you, just slam your dough with the dick. I mean slam your dick with the dough a couple of times and I guarantee you will grow dick. And you can always get the worst butter at the store and then jack your penis with it.

• 7:51Stavros Halkias?

  With the lowest grade butter.

• 7:52Speaker 01

  Yes, it helps it grow. That's how I got titties?

• 7:57Stavros Halkias?

  You, you lathered your, uh, your breasts with low grade butter?

• 8:01Speaker 01

  I'm a 48 since the third grade.

• 8:03Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting, since the third grade?

• 8:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, I've had these titties forever.

• 8:06Stavros Halkias?

  That's wild.

• 8:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, and I'm trying to tell you how to be wild.

• 8:10Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, yeah, I mean, I'll, I'll slather my little, my penis with butter, no problem, and I'll let you know.

• 8:15Speaker 01

  But as long as you got somebody who can feel it.

• 8:21Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 8:22Stavros Halkias?

  Alright, I think I have to stand up for my.

• 8:24Speaker 01

  Or act like they can feel it.

• 8:25Stavros Halkias?

  My dick is, I'm not, it's not like a fucking, they're not doing like a Dateline episode about me. Like guys with the littlest dick possible.

• 8:32Speaker 01

  If your penis is really just that much, as long as you don't have sex with a fat person, cause you know, with a fat person.

• 8:39Stavros Halkias?

  This actually is true, I have experienced this.

• 8:41Speaker 01

  You gotta fold shit back and get up in there. And if you fat and she fat, so you losing a lot of dick space there.

• 8:47Stavros Halkias?

  It's a great tragedy in my life, cause I am attracted to big girls and people think I'm a snob for not dating big girls, but it's purely geometry.

• 8:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean.

• 8:55Stavros Halkias?

  My dick cannot withstand two bellies.

• 8:57Speaker 01

  Well, if, and only if you, only if you got palm dick, you need somebody who can ride it. So, most big girls can't ride it.

• 9:06Stavros Halkias?

  That's true, they, they have knee problems, you know?

• 9:09Speaker 01

  No, no, no, they, it's the stomach. Well, the good part about, I don't know if you know this about a fat girl, but I tell this all the time. And we, we, we're built for men's with small penis. You could just stick it in our navels.

• 9:26Stavros Halkias?

  Elda's suspiciously quiet over there, allowing me to take all the small dick barbs.

• 9:31Speaker 01

  They got all, they black, they got big dicks.

• 9:34Stavros Halkias?

  No, I'm sorry about Elda, whose dick also is small.

• 9:36Speaker 01

  Oh, Elvis.

• 9:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 9:38Speaker 01

  Elvis, you got a small penis?

• 9:39Speaker 04

  Well, you know, I, I would say it's normal, I wouldn't say small, but.

• 9:43Speaker 01

  The United States of America, this is why.

• 9:45Speaker 04

  What's the national average?

• 9:48Speaker 04

  I'm in that zone.

• 9:49Stavros Halkias?

  When you're breaking out the actuarial tables, it's not, the answer's not good.

• 9:53Speaker 01

  This is exactly why white men is mad in America.

• 9:58Speaker 01

  And they think we did something to them. It was not us, it was God.

• 10:05Speaker 01

  Little dick lies matters.

• 10:08Stavros Halkias?

  Amen. You're gonna be very popular with the fanbase of this podcast, after that.

• 10:14Speaker 01

  Little dick lie matters. Yes it do. Especially if you got money, y'all need to be lazy.

• 10:24Speaker 01

  I love when you first got here, cause he came in, he looked totally different. Then he went to the back and put on a a sweatsuit that I will wear.

• 10:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I had, I had to put on my professional attire. A tracksuit.

• 10:40Speaker 01

  Well damn, he went back there and turned into a black mama.

• 10:46Stavros Halkias?

  You dress comfy, I don't know what you want from me, you know?

• 10:49Speaker 01

  The only thing they say you white with that outfit is them New Balance.

• 10:52Stavros Halkias?

  The New Balance is sure.

• 10:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's the only thing.

• 10:54Stavros Halkias?

  That's the wide feet, that's the problem.

• 10:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's them orthopedic, white people shoes.

• 10:57Stavros Halkias?

  That's right, that's right. These are the best ones, the best orthopedic shoes you can get.

• 11:02Speaker 01

  I know, I like, I tell people all the time, New Balance is a great shoe.

• 11:06Stavros Halkias?

  There we go.

• 11:07Speaker 01

  And, black people don't buy them till we get really old.

• 11:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 11:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, but white people start out in elementary school.

• 11:15Speaker 01

  You see heavy feet ass white kids running with them New Balance on. And you, when you, we didn't know.

• 11:21Stavros Halkias?

  Literally me.

• 11:21Speaker 01

  Well, we didn't.

• 11:22Stavros Halkias?

  100% I had New Balance.

• 11:23Speaker 01

  Well, we didn't know what New Balance was, we like, why they got them Negro slippers on? But, we didn't know, New Balance was a brand, so.

• 11:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I unfortunately have had wide humongous feet, my, another irony.

• 11:35Speaker 01

  There's your dick right there.

• 11:37Stavros Halkias?

  That's right.

• 11:37Speaker 01

  It's at your feet.

• 11:38Stavros Halkias?

  Unfortunately, yeah.

• 11:39Speaker 01

  So, when you, when you, next time you having sex, put a condom on your feet and stick it in.

• 11:45Stavros Halkias?

  Put it on the big toe?

• 11:46Speaker 01

  No, the whole foot.

• 11:50Speaker 01

  So she can be satisfied.

• 11:52Stavros Halkias?

  Have you had, it sounds like you've had your fair share of run ins with little dicks, is that?

• 11:56Speaker 01

  No sir.

• 11:56Stavros Halkias?

  No, okay.

• 11:57Speaker 01

  No sir, I have not. That don't happen in my culture.

• 12:02Speaker 01

  No, I have never snapped with a white man.

• 12:04Stavros Halkias?

  You haven't seen a little dick once, in real, in real life.

• 12:07Speaker 01

  When the baby is born.

• 12:13Speaker 01

  Only when the baby is born.

• 12:17Speaker 01

  But that's your age, but, and this is what white American don't understand. If y'all have small dicks out there, y'all, that's a handicap, you can get a check for that.

• 12:26Stavros Halkias?

  I'm with you 100%.

• 12:27Speaker 01

  And you should get a handicap pocket sticker. Cause small dick make y'all angry, then y'all turn into school shooters. So, y'all should get social security for small dicks.

• 12:38Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely.

• 12:39Speaker 01

  I have solved the white man problem.

• 12:41Stavros Halkias?

  You should get disability to be on Xbox all day, stay gaming.

• 12:45Speaker 01

  So let me ask you this, because I'm curious about a little bit.

• 12:47Stavros Halkias?

  Please.

• 12:48Speaker 01

  So when somebody giving you head, do they make him say and suck your balls too?

• 12:51Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, when they, do they, or at the same time?

• 12:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, because it's so close to each other.

• 12:57Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, they don't, I mean, not at the same time, that, I guess that would be, now, look, there's plenty of room to operate. I guess it's just a choice not to. I guess you could if you really wanted.

• 13:07Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 13:07Stavros Halkias?

  You know, but I haven't had the, the-

• 13:10Speaker 01

  So you, do you piss sitting up or standing down?

• 13:12Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, I will be standing up, yep, standing up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You would have guessed sitting down.

• 13:19Speaker 01

  Oh, I don't know.

• 13:21Stavros Halkias?

  That's a yes?

• 13:28Speaker 01

  I don't know, you know. I don't want to, you know, I, I know a lot of men don't, black men don't sit down because they, they dicks and balls hit the toilet.

• 13:37Stavros Halkias?

  Will hit the water.

• 13:38Speaker 01

  Hit the water.

• 13:38Stavros Halkias?

  No, no danger of that happening.

• 13:40Speaker 01

  Ooh. Jesus.

• 13:43Stavros Halkias?

  squarely-

• 13:44Speaker 01

  So your shit just stay upstairs?

• 13:45Stavros Halkias?

  I'm safe, yeah, it probably hovers, you know, but yeah.

• 13:49Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 13:49Stavros Halkias?

  Never, maybe one toilet I've had, I've, I've had a wrist.

• 13:53Speaker 01

  Seriously, you should really tie your penis to the door and let Elvis slam it.

• 13:58Stavros Halkias?

  I'll be thinking-

• 13:59Speaker 01

  Tell him Trent know that word.

• 14:00Speaker 04

  It's one of my many duties.

• 14:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that is, his job covers that for sure.

• 14:05Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 14:06Stavros Halkias?

  We went over that in the, in the, in the, uh, interview.

• 14:10Stavros Halkias?

  Well, that's good, and the little dick community, write that down, slam your dick in the door and rub it with low-grade butter.

• 14:17Speaker 01

  Yes. The cheaper the butter, the bigger the penis will come out.

• 14:21Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that's important, okay. No grass-fed shit, no Irish butter.

• 14:26Speaker 01

  White, you know, white people be nasty. Now, don't y'all be nasty and put that fucking butter back in that refrigerator. Because nobody want no nut butter.

• 14:35Stavros Halkias?

  Don't have English muffin, don't have an English muffin with dick butter. Nobody wants that.

• 14:40Speaker 01

  Not even the grease, the Greeks.

• 14:42Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, who knows?

• 14:45Stavros Halkias?

  Ancient Greeks were pretty freaky, but, you know, who knows?

• 14:48Speaker 01

  Yes, you are. Y'all the little people that, you the, that, that, that's your people right there, right in the wonder.

• 14:51Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm, yep.

• 14:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, them ancient Greeks, right?

• 14:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yep, yep, yep.

• 14:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, the butt naked people, ooh, yeah, your penis is little, I've seen-

• 14:59Speaker 01

  I've seen them clay, them clay masons.

• 15:03Stavros Halkias?

  It was considered, you know, at the time it was considered.

• 15:06Speaker 01

  I just realized who your people was. Y'all, y'all the cello people, you know, the people with the little arrows and the little peppers, the little underwear on. Oh my God.

• 15:18Stavros Halkias?

  Cupid, yep.

• 15:19Speaker 01

  You're Cupid. Oh my God. It's so crazy because it's Black History Month and it's Cupid Month too, it's Valentine's, them your people.

• 15:28Stavros Halkias?

  There's so much going on. There's so much rich cultural back and forth going on right now.

• 15:34Speaker 01

  Black people laying pipe and y'all shooting them.

• 15:38Speaker 01

  With the Cupid.

• 15:39Stavros Halkias?

  Right, with the arrow.

• 15:40Speaker 01

  The arrow.

• 15:41Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 15:43Speaker 01

  Of love.

• 15:45Stavros Halkias?

  The only shooting going on here is love arrows.

• 15:47Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 15:48Stavros Halkias?

  At least as far as Stavi's world is concerned.

• 15:51Speaker 01

  That's right.

• 15:51Stavros Halkias?

  And we should also say you have, you know, we got, as what happens a lot with the show is we will start talking about little dicks off the top, but we should also mention, you have so much to plug, so many, you know, Miss Pat Show, season five?

• 16:05Speaker 01

  Season five is out.

• 16:06Stavros Halkias?

  That's a huge accomplishment.

• 16:07Speaker 01

  Amazon Prime, Amazon Prime and BET Plus. Season four, I mean, season three of the court show, Miss Pat Settles it.

• 16:16Stavros Halkias?

  There we go.

• 16:16Speaker 01

  Is out. You can watch that on BET and also BET Plus.

• 16:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yep.

• 16:20Speaker 01

  And I have a new cooking show.

• 16:21Stavros Halkias?

  I love that. I was gonna say, that's the one thing that was missing, and then I saw that you're doing a cooking show. That's perfect.

• 16:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:26Stavros Halkias?

  You're really on Guy Fieri's corner right now. You got five shows, one of them's a cooking show. You should go, you should go tour restaurants as well. You'd be awesome with that too.

• 16:34Speaker 01

  Um, not right now.

• 16:36Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, I guess not.

• 16:37Speaker 01

  Because I'm in the middle of touring, but it's called Whiskin' It All with Miss Pat, and it's on YouTube.

• 16:41Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 16:42Speaker 01

  And what it is, is people coming into my home, teaching me how to cook.

• 16:46Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, alright.

• 16:46Speaker 01

  So it's not like just a regular cooking show. I, I'm really learning how to prepare, you know, everybody's favorite dish. So, and then at, towards the end of the season, because I'm doing it in seasons, towards the end of the season, I will take a dish that I like and think I can make on my own.

• 17:04Stavros Halkias?

  Alright, nice.

• 17:05Speaker 01

  And that'll be the finale.

• 17:06Stavros Halkias?

  What's your favorite dish? What is, what do you like?

• 17:08Speaker 01

  So far it was Pico de Gallo.

• 17:10Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, nice.

• 17:10Speaker 01

  If I'm pronouncing that right. And it's Spashcoast Chicken. So I've never heard of Spashcoast Chicken.

• 17:16Stavros Halkias?

  You take the backbone out of it, right?

• 17:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, just a chicken here in the split.

• 17:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 17:21Speaker 01

  So, someone came on, what's her name, Khadija?

• 17:26Speaker 01

  Cartier came on from Food Network and made that um the special chicken with me as well. Oh, that chicken was so good.

• 17:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 17:33Speaker 01

  But it's so many different recipes that I've had come through there so far. I would like to do them all, but I like I need to do something quick for the finale. So it might be those two.

• 17:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll come by and cook Greek food.

• 17:45Speaker 01

  Come on, I think I like Greek food.

• 17:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, some skewers, nothing wrong with that.

• 17:49Speaker 01

  Some skewers, come on. Ain't nobody gonna screw you, but we gonna make some skewers.

• 17:54Stavros Halkias?

  We'll see about that. You know, I do okay in Atlanta, thank you very much.

• 17:58Speaker 01

  Oh, I know you do okay in Atlanta. So a lot of people need their bills paid by now.

• 18:06Speaker 01

  You catch me on the wrong time, I might screw on you.

• 18:11Stavros Halkias?

  Like, you want me to send money to your cousin Cricket Wireless?

• 18:16Speaker 01

  That's all right.

• 18:19Speaker 01

  Yes, Lord.

• 18:20Stavros Halkias?

  This episode is brought to you by Visible. The smartest upgrade this season isn't a new phone. It's a better wireless plan. Switch to Visible, the ultimate wireless hack. You get unlimited 5G data and unlimited hotspot powered by Verizon. We have Visible here at Stobby Baby Enterprises. We love it. We just got a new assistant. She loves it. She's taking all our sushi orders. They're going through the Visible network brought to you by Verizon. It's fast, it's reliable, it's so sick. They sponsor the Stobies World hotline, as you know, and make it possible for us to help all our callers out. Oh, my God, they're the best. Switch today at visible.com. The Visible plan starts at $25 a month or get the Premium Visible Plus Pro Plan

• 19:02Stavros Halkias?

  and save $10 on your first month with promo code STOB. Terms apply. What kind of day is it? It's a White Claw day. Grab a pack, grab your friends, everything else in life can wait. Your friends shouldn't. Let's go. White Claw. Grab life by the claw. Please drink responsibly. Heart's also with flavors. White Claw's also works, Chicago, Illinois. Yeah, no, that's yeah, I do love.

• 19:24Speaker 01

  So what's the price of pussy now?

• 19:25Stavros Halkias?

  What's the going rate?

• 19:27Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 19:27Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, geez, it's been a while. Um, you know, it's more uh lucky. That's the funny thing is when you get uh famous on the internet, plenty of mentally ill women will just DM you. So you don't actually have to uh buy pussy directly.

• 19:44Speaker 01

  That's why pussy is $40 now.

• 19:49Stavros Halkias?

  It does seem, the market seems to have fallen, honestly.

• 19:52Speaker 01

  It really failed during crack and then it kinda picked back up. But now with the internet and they see people sitting in their living room with microphones and everybody famous. So now they're just giving people like, "Y'all pussy for free." Don't have no more value.

• 20:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I wonder what was worse for the pussy economy, crack or podcasting? It's very hard to say.

• 20:12Speaker 01

  Both.

• 20:13Stavros Halkias?

  Both, I'm pretty mad. You, yeah, cuz I was, you know, I'm a big fan, so I know, I know your, you know, your story too. You were at, you really were an early adopter in the crack, when crack came around. You sold crack from the beginning.

• 20:27Speaker 01

  What word did you use, "Adopter"?

• 20:28Stavros Halkias?

  Early adopter.

• 20:30Speaker 01

  What that mean?

• 20:31Stavros Halkias?

  You were on the cutting edge of crack selling.

• 20:32Speaker 01

  I was on the, I'm black, we was all on the cutting edge of crack. Somebody had to cut it and give it to all people.

• 20:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, true.

• 20:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, I was a crack dealer when it first came out.

• 20:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 20:43Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 20:43Stavros Halkias?

  What's that, what was, what was the, did people, cuz I feel like when drugs first come out, no one knows how bad it is, they just think it's cool?

• 20:50Speaker 01

  Well, I kinda knew it was bad when black women stopped combing their hair and they started turning into zombies.

• 20:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 20:55Speaker 01

  So, I knew anytime you take a hair comb from, anytime black people let their jerry curl go dry, we got a problem in our community.

• 21:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 21:03Speaker 01

  So.

• 21:04Stavros Halkias?

  And that was the jerry curl era, yeah.

• 21:06Speaker 01

  And that was dangerous too, cuz it's, it's dangerous to smoke crack with that liquid flammable stuff on your hair. So they could've died twice.

• 21:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 21:15Speaker 01

  But thank God they didn't.

• 21:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yep, yep, that is true, thank God they didn't go up, jerry, the jerry curl.

• 21:22Speaker 01

  Well, you saw what Pepsi did to Michael Jackson?

• 21:24Stavros Halkias?

  That is true.

• 21:25Speaker 01

  And that wasn't even a crack pipe. Them was lice.

• 21:30Speaker 01

  Burned the whole back of his head out, he could, he could never grow the back of his jerry curl out no more, he just went to a perm.

• 21:35Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm, yeah, was that the moment that, that stopped, that the jerry curl stopped, it was after that? Was that the moment of transition to the perm for Michael Jackson? That's interesting.

• 21:45Speaker 01

  I thought, I think Michael Jackson realized how cute Prince was with his perm and he decided to give it up. So he went from a tight curl to a wavy curl to a perm. And you know, the time just, you know, the jerry curl is actually back now. When I used to get it, it was thirty-nine dollars, I hear people charging two-hundred dollars, put that fucking shit in your head now. But I hear it's back.

• 22:06Stavros Halkias?

  I could see it being back. I feel like people are nostalgic for the eighties in a lot of ways.

• 22:11Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, I can say that. I had it because my mama couldn't fix hair. But we only got activated once a month, so my shit was always like an Afro, just dry.

• 22:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. So you had like four good days of jheri curl?

• 22:25Speaker 01

  Uh, if you kept a plastic bag on your head, you had about a week.

• 22:28Stavros Halkias?

  A week, a nice week.

• 22:29Speaker 01

  You could wet it in the morning.

• 22:31Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 22:31Speaker 01

  And, but by the time you, by, by the time you get to school, an hour later, that thing was dry and puffy. It looked like somebody had, it looked like you had stuck your finger in a socket.

• 22:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. I'm thinking about it. Maybe I'll, maybe I'll, what do you think? You think I'd go jheri curl with the back?

• 22:50Speaker 01

  I think you should start with the front.

• 22:54Speaker 01

  With a, with some clippers.

• 23:01Speaker 01

  And cut that, what is that, a mullet? Cut that little mullet off.

• 23:04Stavros Halkias?

  You know, who knows what it is exactly? It's, it's, uh, you know.

• 23:07Speaker 01

  It just formed, you don't have style.

• 23:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 23:09Speaker 01

  Why you holding on to it? You don't think you'd be cute bald headed?

• 23:13Stavros Halkias?

  I don't, I, I was bald and I grew my hair out during the pandemic and now I just feel like, I don't know. It feels like.

• 23:20Speaker 01

  Did you like to be bald?

• 23:21Stavros Halkias?

  I, I liked it okay, but I don't know. There's something about having this kind of hair that is funny to me.

• 23:29Speaker 01

  It is?

• 23:29Stavros Halkias?

  No one in the world would choose to look like this and yet I do. That's sort of how it feel. That's, that's how, I feel like I'm making a bit of a, you know, I don't know. Is it a statement? Is, it's, I think it's funny when people in their mid thirties go bald.

• 23:42Speaker 01

  You thirty?

• 23:44Stavros Halkias?

  I'm thirty six. Yeah, yeah.

• 23:45Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 23:52Stavros Halkias?

  I'm thirty six, yep. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I know you're thinking I'm, I look more youthful than that.

• 24:02Stavros Halkias?

  A lot of people are surprised. They think I just graduated college.

• 24:08Speaker 01

  Somebody think you just put your child through college.

• 24:13Speaker 01

  Okay, I'm old enough to be your mom. I have two kids older than you.

• 24:17Stavros Halkias?

  Really?

• 24:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:19Stavros Halkias?

  Well, you had kids really young, though, too.

• 24:20Speaker 01

  It don't matter.

• 24:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 24:23Speaker 01

  I don't look like their mom.

• 24:25Stavros Halkias?

  You look, you do or you don't, you said?

• 24:27Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 24:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 24:28Speaker 01

  A lot of times, people think that my daughter is my sister and my son is my boyfriend.

• 24:32Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow.

• 24:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:34Stavros Halkias?

  How do they feel about that?

• 24:36Speaker 01

  They don't give a fuck. They, they, they know I had them in elementary school.

• 24:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's what, and that's when you were, that's why you became, that's when you started selling crack, right? When you had those, when you had your kids young?

• 24:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:50Stavros Halkias?

  I was, I was listening on a different podcast, how you were just like making an insane amount of money as a kid. You were basically like sixteen?

• 24:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, I was selling a lot of crack.

• 24:57Stavros Halkias?

  Damn.

• 24:58Speaker 01

  You look like a serial killer.

• 25:02Stavros Halkias?

  Cake topper or serial killer? Which one? Both? I feel like one is a lot more whimsical than the other one.

• 25:08Speaker 01

  You, I'm trying to think of the movie. So, it was a movie about the neighbor. He live across the street.

• 25:15Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 25:15Speaker 01

  And they, they think he killed that girl with the red hair. You know what I'm talking about? They always thought he killed her, but they really couldn't prove it. And you look like the man who played the man of the killer.

• 25:24Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, is it, was it Stanley Tucci that was, are you thinking of The Lovely Bones?

• 25:29Speaker 01

  Yes. Oh, my God. Yes. You look just like the killer. He know what I'm talking. It was The Lovely Bones. You heard that before, haven't you?

• 25:38Stavros Halkias?

  I've never heard that one, but I did. I know the movie.

• 25:40Speaker 01

  Oh, my God, it's The Lovely Bones. It is.

• 25:44Stavros Halkias?

  Give me the side by side of me and Tucci, Aldous. Mark that down.

• 25:47Speaker 01

  That's what the, that's what the killer looked like. Yes. Do you think he killed her?

• 25:53Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, I think he did.

• 25:54Speaker 01

  I think he did. He never got caught, did he?

• 25:56Stavros Halkias?

  I don't think he did.

• 25:58Speaker 01

  You never find her, they never found her body either, did they?

• 26:01Stavros Halkias?

  The real story, I think, I think they did find her.

• 26:03Speaker 01

  Down in that hole.

• 26:04Stavros Halkias?

  I think so. I don't remember. It's been a while. I actually watched that at your house, Aldous, in college.

• 26:09Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 26:10Stavros Halkias?

  You don't remember?

• 26:11Speaker 01

  The Lovely Bones.

• 26:11Stavros Halkias?

  Lovely Bones, yeah.

• 26:12Speaker 01

  Wasn't that on Netflix or at the theaters?

• 26:14Stavros Halkias?

  No, it came out in theaters. This is, this is, this is a pretty old movie.

• 26:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, I, I, I saw that movie, too.

• 26:19Stavros Halkias?

  Back in the day, Tucci looking weird. You know, Ryan Gosling, they gave him that role, and then he got so fat that they fired him. And then he just got fat for no reason. Ryan Gosling was trying to look like me, I guess. And it didn't work out for him. He was originally cast in the weird serial killer role.

• 26:34Speaker 01

  Really?

• 26:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 26:36Speaker 01

  And they fired him?

• 26:37Stavros Halkias?

  He says they fired him because he got too fat. Nobody asked him to get fat. And he thought it would make sense for the character. And then, and then he just got fired.

• 26:45Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 26:46Stavros Halkias?

  I would have loved to see some pictures of fat Gosling back then.

• 26:49Speaker 01

  Yeah. That's who you remind me of. The lovely bones.

• 26:55Stavros Halkias?

  This is reminding me of high school where everyone just said I looked like whatever fat white guy was on television. I got a lot of Kevin James, I got a lot of Jack Black, I got a lot of, uh...

• 27:06Speaker 01

  But you're not a bad looking guy, you're a nice looking guy. You do have a baby face.

• 27:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 27:11Speaker 01

  You do have a baby face. You're a good looking guy, I'm sorry about your penis.

• 27:15Stavros Halkias?

  That's okay, I made peace with it. I made peace with it years ago.

• 27:18Speaker 01

  Did you?

• 27:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm okay.

• 27:20Speaker 01

  But you got a little money, I know you got a little money, so you can always get an implant, a dick implant.

• 27:25Stavros Halkias?

  I think we, if the technology was there, we'd know about it.

• 27:28Speaker 01

  Well, I would say this to you, are you married?

• 27:30Stavros Halkias?

  I'm not married.

• 27:31Speaker 01

  Are you single?

• 27:31Stavros Halkias?

  I am single, yeah.

• 27:32Speaker 01

  Well, all you gotta do is just start dating black women that need their bills paid. They would treat you so good.

• 27:38Stavros Halkias?

  That sounds good to me.

• 27:40Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 27:40Stavros Halkias?

  I have no problems there.

• 27:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, cuz you gonna take care of her and the kids she gonna bring over.

• 27:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I do think step, stepdad is sort of my dad. When you look like this, that's sort of your destiny.

• 27:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, she gonna fuck you, so you gonna eventually have a biracial baby. I would have a baby by you cuz you got some money.

• 27:58Stavros Halkias?

  I'm open to that.

• 27:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, not me now, not me.

• 28:01Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, no.

• 28:02Speaker 01

  My shit is tied up. If you have sex with me, you just wasting your time.

• 28:09Speaker 01

  I don't want no sex, I've been, I've been having sex since elementary school, I'm really tired.

• 28:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's a little early, I would say.

• 28:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, I was gonna get my shit out the way.

• 28:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And now you're sexually retired.

• 28:20Speaker 01

  I'm sexually, mentally, and physically retired.

• 28:23Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, good for you.

• 28:25Speaker 01

  I can't put my leg in the air no more.

• 28:30Speaker 01

  My heart say no, no, no, no, no.

• 28:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:35Stavros Halkias?

  That is beautiful. I do think, I think that's a nice part of life to hit where you're like, I'm done with this. I don't understand why old guys want dick pills. That's your, that's your time to sit in a rocking chair and eat apple pie.

• 28:46Speaker 01

  You know, it's really hard to have a soft dick because I don't, I'm quite sure yours ain't soft yet. But, um, uh, soft dick just lay on your leg like a dead person. And it's kind of hard to go down there and just look at your dick dead. You want to put some life back in it.

• 29:02Stavros Halkias?

  Sure. I guess that's true. You think it's the psychological toll of looking at your limp dick is the problem.

• 29:08Speaker 01

  I'm quite sure nobody wants to say, and you can't just take your dick off and throw it away. So, but you gotta carry it around to the day you die. So it's just dead weight.

• 29:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 29:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:18Stavros Halkias?

  This is, yeah, that is true.

• 29:19Speaker 01

  So why not try to wake it back up, you know?

• 29:22Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know. You're like the same way you're done. Why would, why shouldn't they be done, you know?

• 29:26Speaker 01

  Well, my pussy don't lay on my leg.

• 29:28Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, I see.

• 29:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:30Stavros Halkias?

  It's really physical.

• 29:31Speaker 01

  It's in its own pouch.

• 29:33Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, sure, sure, sure.

• 29:35Speaker 01

  I don't see it if I don't look down now. But you have to, you know, you have to see it.

• 29:39Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 29:40Speaker 01

  I piss and wipe. You gotta shake yours off.

• 29:42Stavros Halkias?

  That is true.

• 29:43Speaker 01

  And then as you shaking it off, a arm of a, uh, what is that? Arm of an angel be playing in the background.

• 29:49Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, sure, sure. The song that preferred that dogs.

• 29:51Speaker 01

  As you shake your piss off your penis. Yeah.

• 29:54Stavros Halkias?

  And the eyes of an angel. Sarah McLachlan.

• 29:57Speaker 01

  Sarah McLachlan playing while you trying to shake life back into your penis.

• 30:00Stavros Halkias?

  A commercial with old guys' impotent dicks and it's that.

• 30:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:04Stavros Halkias?

  It's that song. Interesting.

• 30:06Speaker 01

  But you should definitely come on the black side. Black women will love you. They would love to use you.

• 30:14Stavros Halkias?

  Hey, I'm open to it. Like I said, I'm not, you know, I know how the world works, you know? So we're all getting a little something out of it. That's okay with me.

• 30:22Speaker 01

  No, they'll love you for it. You're a cutie pie. You got a cute little face.

• 30:25Stavros Halkias?

  Thank you.

• 30:26Speaker 01

  You need a makeover. Get out that, get out that black mama jug and see. Get you a nice toupee. Comb your, comb your back half to the front. Can you fix his hair, Jay?

• 30:39Stavros Halkias?

  What do you think, man?

• 30:42Speaker 01

  He fixed my hair. I'm quite sure he can comb that shit to the front.

• 30:47Speaker 01

  And give you a pixie cut.

• 30:51Stavros Halkias?

  Comb it over, give me bangs.

• 30:53Speaker 01

  No bangs. I don't like white people bangs.

• 30:59Speaker 01

  We gonna give you a makeover.

• 31:01Stavros Halkias?

  No, I'm, I'm, uh, I resist. Everyone's going to get a hair transplant. I'm not interested in that, you know?

• 31:06Speaker 01

  Don't do that. Cause they just beat up, and then somebody just died from that too. That's like getting a BBA.

• 31:11Stavros Halkias?

  It is.

• 31:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, don't do that. And just cut it off, or either buy you, they got, they got wigs now so good for men. Did you see the boxer who got his wig knocked off?

• 31:19Stavros Halkias?

  That was awesome.

• 31:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, but don't fight on them. They're not fightable. Men, hair is not fightable.

• 31:25Stavros Halkias?

  It is insane to go do a boxing match knowing you have a toupee on. You know what could happen to you.

• 31:32Speaker 01

  Well, that's not called a toupee anymore. That's called a man wig.

• 31:35Stavros Halkias?

  A man wig.

• 31:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, or a man lace. Toupees for people like Donald Trump. Donald Trump got a toupee.

• 31:41Stavros Halkias?

  I see.

• 31:41Speaker 01

  Now, that is called a man wig, right? Right, Jay?

• 31:45Stavros Halkias?

  Is there a difference?

• 31:46Speaker 01

  Man wig? They're man wig, yeah.

• 31:48Stavros Halkias?

  A man wig, okay. Yeah, I don't, yeah, it does, it does feel like that is, that wigs are back. And I always, I don't understand why we can't, you know, why men don't do wigs as much. I feel like women, they'll throw on wigs all the time.

• 32:01Speaker 01

  Oh, I got on one right now. Well, you know, men, uh, every man don't think he's sexy bald headed. Everybody ain't got their head, you know? I don't know how they shape your head at birth, but if they, if the doctor-

• 32:12Stavros Halkias?

  It's not bad, yeah. I was bald for a while.

• 32:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, so, you know, some people think their head is lumpy, then some people have all them knots in the back of their head, and some people have that little, that little portable pussy in the back of their head. So, they don't wanna show.

• 32:25Stavros Halkias?

  The neck rolls are tough. Yeah, the fat neck rolls are tough.

• 32:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, so-

• 32:29Stavros Halkias?

  Luckily, I don't really have it too bad. You look like a Shar Pei. Those dogs, you know, with the scrunched up faces. Yeah.

• 32:36Speaker 01

  They look like Pam dogs. She got one of them dogs.

• 32:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 32:39Speaker 01

  But, um, you know, you should, you know, comb it to the front.

• 32:45Speaker 01

  I mean, if you need to.

• 32:46Stavros Halkias?

  The old fashioned comb over. You don't see the comb over much anymore.

• 32:50Speaker 01

  No, only Donald Trump rocks the comb over.

• 32:53Stavros Halkias?

  It is an old, but maybe it'll come back. I mean, if, if Jerry curls are coming back, the comb over, a leisure suit, who knows?

• 33:00Speaker 01

  That's why I tell you, you need a black woman. You need to sit between a black woman's legs and they'll grease your hair.

• 33:08Speaker 01

  If she grease your hair, it gonna grow back. She need to massage your scalp. All of that, you know, all of that.

• 33:16Stavros Halkias?

  Send me some Rex.

• 33:17Speaker 01

  Stress.

• 33:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 33:18Speaker 01

  So how do you like your black women with or without crack?

• 33:21Stavros Halkias?

  I would say without.

• 33:23Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 33:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, if those are my two options, I would go without.

• 33:26Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 33:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I feel like.

• 33:28Speaker 01

  With or without kids?

• 33:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I guess it depends. I get, you know, I'm open.

• 33:34Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 33:35Stavros Halkias?

  I think, yeah, it is nice. The thing about being a stepdad, it feels like it's, it's somebody set the bar real low, you know?

• 33:42Speaker 01

  No, it wouldn't be low for you.

• 33:44Stavros Halkias?

  It would be easy to cross it, is what I'm saying.

• 33:46Speaker 01

  Do you ever approach black women?

• 33:48Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, yeah. I grew up, I mean, I grew up in Baltimore, so I mean.

• 33:52Speaker 01

  Do you ever approach black women like, hey, how you doing?

• 33:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I'll approach a black woman and ask her how she's doing, sure.

• 33:58Speaker 01

  Right, can I take you out?

• 34:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, I have, I live in a strange world, uh, reality where I've, I just don't even meet people any, outside of the internet anymore.

• 34:09Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 34:09Stavros Halkias?

  So it's like, but yeah, some of the women I meet online are black women, yeah.

• 34:13Speaker 01

  See, I told you, they're interesting.

• 34:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 34:17Speaker 01

  When was the last time you got laid by one?

• 34:19Stavros Halkias?

  Ah, let's see here.

• 34:21Speaker 01

  Don't say COVID.

• 34:22Stavros Halkias?

  No, no.

• 34:23Speaker 01

  Everybody was fucking everybody.

• 34:27Speaker 01

  See, I told you.

• 34:30Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, yeah, it's not so bad.

• 34:31Speaker 01

  Did you call her back?

• 34:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 34:33Speaker 01

  You still talking to her?

• 34:34Stavros Halkias?

  I've seen her, yeah, yeah.

• 34:35Speaker 01

  See, I told you.

• 34:37Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 34:37Speaker 01

  And it's different sucking a colored areola, isn't it?

• 34:42Stavros Halkias?

  I didn't find much difference.

• 34:43Speaker 01

  Yes, it is. It's probably had lotion on it.

• 34:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yep, yep.

• 34:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:49Stavros Halkias?

  Probably softer in that sense.

• 34:50Speaker 01

  And the vagina hair, it's called nappy grip. It's different.

• 34:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I noticed that, sure.

• 34:56Speaker 01

  Did it get stuck in your teeth?

• 34:59Stavros Halkias?

  I can't tell if it was that or a popcorn kernel.

• 35:01Speaker 01

  Oh, okay.

• 35:03Stavros Halkias?

  I was just at the movies before, so it is tough to see.

• 35:08Speaker 01

  If you out there and you looking for a good white man, here's one right here.

• 35:11Stavros Halkias?

  Thank you, Miss Pat.

• 35:12Speaker 01

  What's your name?

• 35:13Stavros Halkias?

  Star Rofus.

• 35:14Speaker 01

  Star Rofus.

• 35:19Speaker 01

  Star Rofus is right here for you.

• 35:21Stavros Halkias?

  That's right.

• 35:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:22Stavros Halkias?

  I'm ready to go. Uh, yeah, so, uh, hmm, where do we go? This has been fun because it's mostly been about my penis and trying to get me laid by black women, which is fine, because we have been, uh, open, you know? It's nice that we led with honesty and then we can move forward from there.

• 35:39Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 35:40Stavros Halkias?

  Um, but yeah, what is, so you're, what, I mean, the other stuff we should talk about? You got the shows, you got, you're on tour right now.

• 35:47Speaker 01

  I'm on tour. Please go to mspatcomedy.com for all my tour dates. I'm getting ready to start to tape my second, uh, special.

• 35:55Stavros Halkias?

  Awesome.

• 35:55Speaker 01

  I'm doing it this time out of my own pocket and I'm taping it in Baltimore, your hometown.

• 36:00Stavros Halkias?

  Oh shit, where you taping it?

• 36:01Speaker 01

  Uh, Center Stage.

• 36:04Stavros Halkias?

  Center Stage is cool, yeah.

• 36:05Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 36:06Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, I'm about to, we're filming, we're doing my special on the 20th or the 25th.

• 36:10Speaker 01

  Who you doing it for?

• 36:11Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, we're gonna do it for Netflix.

• 36:13Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 36:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 36:15Speaker 01

  Netflix didn't call me, but okay.

• 36:16Stavros Halkias?

  No? That's crazy.

• 36:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:19Stavros Halkias?

  The first special was on Netflix, wasn't it?

• 36:20Speaker 01

  Yes, it was. The first one was on Netflix.

• 36:22Stavros Halkias?

  Well, who knows? Maybe you shoot it. I mean, they, who knows who will run it, but either way, I'm excited to see the next one. Yeah, Baltimore's a fun town for, uh, for, it's a great comedy town. Um, you know, yeah, we're, we're doing it. I'm excited for it. I'm a little worried my family will be there. That's, I don't like that. Some of the jokes are about them, but.

• 36:42Speaker 01

  All my jokes is about my family. Act like they not there and just do them.

• 36:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 36:47Speaker 01

  I love talking about my family, every one of them, from my gay daughter to my stupid son to being married, to my begging grandkids, to the stepkids I got, I talk about everything.

• 36:56Stavros Halkias?

  Who's the, what's the ranking of family members? Do you have like a ranking going of who you love the most at any time?

• 37:02Speaker 01

  Oh, I love, uh, out of kids, my favorite child is Junebug.

• 37:05Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 37:05Speaker 01

  That's my favorite kid.

• 37:07Stavros Halkias?

  So you have an answer, no, no even thinking?

• 37:09Speaker 01

  No.

• 37:10Stavros Halkias?

  Like, oh, they're all the same?

• 37:11Speaker 01

  No, I know all the same. People lie. Everybody got a kid they can't stand.

• 37:19Stavros Halkias?

  Who's that for you, your son?

• 37:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, that for me is two of the oldest one. Oh, they get my goddamn nerves. My favorite child is Junebug. But I love all of my kids, I do. I think I'm a pretty decent mom to all of them. But my favorite is Junebug. I think if once I get old, Junebug will really take care of me. Everybody else gonna wait for me to die. So they can get my money. And some of them, I believe two of them will pull the plug while I'm still alive.

• 37:49Speaker 01

  I can literally have my eyes open talking with IV in my arm and they'll pull the plug.

• 37:57Stavros Halkias?

  What makes Junebug your favorite?

• 37:59Speaker 01

  I think because he was my last one. And I didn't find out I was pregnant with him till about six, seven months. And it was too late for an abortion, so I thought maybe he was supposed to be here. Plus, I had abortion with my other child. And I had abortion with another baby before I had my son. And God got me back, so I ended up keeping this stupid ass child.

• 38:22Stavros Halkias?

  You think the first one was smarter than?

• 38:23Speaker 01

  Hell, yeah. I killed my LeBron James.

• 38:32Stavros Halkias?

  Damn, so your son was the?

• 38:33Speaker 01

  My Mike Tyson, I killed. And I just killed old dumb motherfucker that couldn't even get no social security.

• 38:43Stavros Halkias?

  How many, how many, like, because you said you, you had your first two kids and then it feels like you've like had multiple, you know, you've had like, you've, you've raised like, yeah, you have stepkids and then?

• 38:54Speaker 01

  I have four kids. Two abortions, and then I raised my sister kids, and then I raised my, um, now I have my niece kids.

• 39:01Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow.

• 39:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:02Stavros Halkias?

  How's that?

• 39:04Speaker 01

  It's been about 13 years, they're almost grown now.

• 39:06Stavros Halkias?

  Okay. Damn, you just, so you've basically done like three different shifts?

• 39:12Speaker 01

  I have.

• 39:12Stavros Halkias?

  Three or four motherhood shifts?

• 39:14Speaker 01

  I have, and I'm done. I'm not taking care of nobody else's kid, fuck them.

• 39:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, damn. That's gotta be tough when you think you're done and then here, then it's like, niece. That's gotta be like, ah.

• 39:26Speaker 01

  Well, you know, it's no, you know, I'm quite sure, meth is in your community and crack is in mine, so it's no different. You just wait on somebody to blow up a lab so you can take their kids in their family. And you know, I'm waiting on somebody to get hit by a car for being high on crack.

• 39:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 39:40Speaker 01

  And they have to take their kids.

• 39:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn. And then, so what are you gonna do without, now that you're, you're gonna be done with kids? What's the?

• 39:49Speaker 01

  I wanna travel. I wanna do comedy and just travel.

• 39:52Stavros Halkias?

  Nice. Yeah, you said you were gonna go to Japan?

• 39:54Speaker 01

  I'm going to Japan.

• 39:55Stavros Halkias?

  Have you ever been?

• 39:56Speaker 01

  No, you?

• 39:57Stavros Halkias?

  I've been, it's awesome.

• 39:58Speaker 01

  Really?

• 39:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 39:59Speaker 01

  How long was you there?

• 40:01Stavros Halkias?

  I was there like a week. I did, I did some shows and I was, well, the first time I went, I did like these like very low level, like army base shows. This is like 15 years ago at this point when I first started comedy. And that was fun, but I barely, you know, I had like one day off. And then I went back, maybe like, you know, 10 years ago? Five, 10 years ago? I don't remember exactly when. Uh, and it was, it was great, you know? It was easier to get around, phone, you know, after phone with like the maps and everything like that. It was cool. But it's, it was great. I mean, I love big cities. I love seeing like different stuff. And I was in Tokyo and it was, it was really sick. Yeah.

• 40:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, we're going to Tokyo, Osaka and Kyoto.

• 40:39Stavros Halkias?

  Nice.

• 40:40Speaker 01

  So I'm excited. I'm excited.

• 40:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, are you a big Japanese food fan?

• 40:45Speaker 01

  No.

• 40:46Stavros Halkias?

  No?

• 40:47Speaker 01

  I ain't gonna say this. I don't know what Japanese food is.

• 40:49Stavros Halkias?

  Sushi.

• 40:50Speaker 01

  Oh, well, I like noodles and I like sushi. I do, I don't eat raw sushi, but I do like sushi.

• 40:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that, is that like the, you're just going, there's no?

• 41:00Speaker 01

  I'm taking a family trip. It's 25 black people going to Japan. I'm sorry, 22, 22 black people going to Japan.

• 41:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's insane. 22 people going to Japan is nuts.

• 41:09Speaker 01

  You almost said, that's a lot of black people.

• 41:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, are they gonna let you in? Japan doesn't seem that cool, that chill.

• 41:18Speaker 01

  Well, we coming.

• 41:19Stavros Halkias?

  That's, just the logistics of a family vacation to 22 is nuts.

• 41:23Speaker 01

  That's what we're going, it's a, it's a vacation.

• 41:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, damn, that'll be fu, I mean, that'll be fun. I don't know. It gives me, just planning that seems annoying to me.

• 41:33Speaker 01

  It's been a little annoying, but we're getting it together.

• 41:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good for, yeah, you, yeah, good for you. You have a good, you have a good outlook on life where it's like all this horrific shit happens and you're just like, yeah, who cares? I'll raise some kids.

• 41:46Speaker 01

  You gotta get away from this shit. We can't just sit here and, I mean, every day is something catastrophic with this man.

• 41:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 41:52Speaker 01

  You know, and you know, we, the black community is waiting on y'all white people to stop this shit, you know? Until y'all get together and gather your school shooters.

• 42:02Stavros Halkias?

  At the next meeting, I am gonna let everybody know. I'm gonna let them know, cut it out, fellas.

• 42:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:07Stavros Halkias?

  This is going on too much, too long.

• 42:09Speaker 01

  I think the school shooters enjoying ice, cuz they haven't, it ain't, it ain't been.

• 42:14Stavros Halkias?

  That is, yeah, what are the statistics?

• 42:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, we had no school shooters. They all on ice now.

• 42:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. The, like, probably police killings are down cuz everyone's in ice. You just kill people for, with ice?

• 42:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's just, it's fucking, huh, it's really crazy. It's, it's, I've just never seen the world like this. I, I just think it's history repeating itself and, and the greed. I mean, I'm like, you, we are literally watching white people steal America again. We are literally watching white people steal America again.

• 42:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, the greed, the like, it is the, this kind of corruption.

• 42:53Speaker 01

  This man is suing us for 10 billion, million dollars because somebody leaked his shitty taxes. We all know he cheated, cheated on.

• 43:03Stavros Halkias?

  The ta, his taxes?

• 43:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:05Stavros Halkias?

  He loves suing people.

• 43:06Speaker 01

  He's suing us. What the fuck did I have to do with it? I didn't leak your taxes. Why you suing us?

• 43:14Stavros Halkias?

  He's suing the go, that's fucking, the president.

• 43:16Speaker 01

  The government. We pay our taxes to the government. So we just gonna sit here and give you our money because your feelings hurts because somebody was fucking with you. Well, that's what I like about black people. We never shoot up schools and we shoot the person we came to shoot. Find out who leaked your taxes, Mr. President, and sue them.

• 43:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 43:37Speaker 01

  But don't take my money. I'm paying it to my IRA or whatever the hell I'm, they take my money for. It's just a, we literally watching white people steal America again.

• 43:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, he, there was something where it was like he, there, I mean, he's taking bribes from like, he's like selling shit to the Saudis and...

• 43:54Speaker 01

  Man, we are prostitutes.

• 43:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 43:57Speaker 01

  You hear me? We just, today he gave our, I think Iran...

• 44:03Speaker 01

  Give me a sip of my drink.

• 44:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Eldis, Eldis is Miss Pass Root Beer Boy. We don't have a side table yet. So Eldis is ready to go at any moment to get, to bring a sip to our guest.

• 44:17Speaker 01

  Thank you. But it's the craziest shit. I don't, and people just act like they still love him. And I said, this is right.

• 44:24Stavros Halkias?

  That is the craziest part.

• 44:25Speaker 01

  I've never seen racism like this.

• 44:26Stavros Halkias?

  It's insane how, and it's like the, even the [BLEEP] shit, nobody gives a fuck. Like his, his supporters, his supporters pretend that it's like, whoa.

• 44:34Speaker 01

  Well, they want the baby pussy too. They like baby pussy.

• 44:40Speaker 01

  That's why they tired of eating, what are those things they be eating with the baby pussy, Jazz? They tired of eating oysters. Oysters look just like baby pussy. They want the real baby pussy. So they out here, they ready to eat the baby pussy.

• 44:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 44:53Speaker 01

  They want a Lord of Ages.

• 44:55Stavros Halkias?

  So they're, they're jealous is what you're saying, I'm saying, more than anything.

• 44:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, they want the baby pussy. They tired of old leaky pussy like mine, old hot flash pussy. They want the baby pussy.

• 45:04Stavros Halkias?

  They wouldn't settle for like twenties.

• 45:07Speaker 01

  No, that's some used pussy. It been dug into, tampons been in. They want the untouchable pussy. They want the pussy when you take off your drawers, the drawers just smell a little pissy.

• 45:19Stavros Halkias?

  That's interesting. Yeah, I haven't heard that take on the Epstein files, but, but I am open to it.

• 45:27Stavros Halkias?

  That's a very, that's, yeah. I think Eldis, I think it's about time we take, Miss Pack clearly has a wonderful view on the world here that's gonna help our callers.

• 45:36Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 45:36Stavros Halkias?

  We get, it's, let's, let's not just talk about geopolitics and my little dick. Let's talk about the real problems our callers have. So Eldis, why don't you play us a couple of calls here?

• 45:46Speaker 05

  Hey, this is Will Arnett, host of Smartless. Smartless is a podcast with myself and Sean Hayes and Jason Bateman, where each week one of us reveals a mystery guest to the other two. We dive deep with guests that you love, like Bill Hader, Selena Gomez, Jennifer Aniston, David Beckham, Kristen Stewart, and tons more. So join us for a genuinely improvised and authentic conversation filled with laughter and newfound knowledge to feed the smartless mind. Listen to Smartless now on the Sirius XM app. Download it today.

• 46:23Speaker 00

  Hey, that's me, Teddy Swims. You hear that? That's life. So go grab it. Grab your old friends, grab new friends, grab a White Claw. Grab flavor for everyone in your group. Grab music, laughter, and moments you'll never forget. You'll never regret it.

• 46:43Speaker 02

  Oh, hey, man.

• 46:44Speaker 00

  Grab new friends, grab old friends, grab life. By the Claw. White Claw. Please drink responsibly. White Claw Celta Works, Chicago, Illinois.

• 46:53Speaker 06

  Hey, Stav, eldest and esteemed guest. Everyone calls you all fucking esteemed guests. Uh, got a little bit of a situation that I just want your advice on. So, I am thirty and my girlfriend is twenty-two. Uh, she just graduated community college and she's putting in-

• 47:12Speaker 06

  graduated community college and she's putting in her applications for university now. And she'll be heading off to university in like August, around the fall semester. And so, we have a good relationship. Uh, it's long distance. We see each other, you know, about once a month roughly. She'll come down for a week or I'll go up there. And with her gearing up to go to university, I have some concerns about continuing the relationship. I do love the girl and she's great and all, don't get me wrong. I'm keeping this short for the podcast, but basically, I don't know how much I trust her or the people in college when she goes off to university. Like realistically, you know, she's twenty-two.

• 47:54Speaker 06

  She's definitely gonna wanna fuck and be super horny, uh, especially if she's like drinking out there or at a party or whatever. He's thirty? How long has he been dating this girl?

• 48:04Speaker 01

  Well, let me just say this, caller. That girl twenty-two years old. One thing we know about white girl, they wild. In the first twenty-five years, they suck over a thousand dicks.

• 48:21Stavros Halkias?

  Those are interesting statistics.

• 48:22Speaker 01

  You might as well get up. You might as well get up or take your ass up there enrolling that university with her. Cause she about to have so many dicks and once she get that black cock in her mouth, it's over. It is over.

• 48:38Stavros Halkias?

  That's good. Yeah. What are the demographics of the university she's going to?

• 48:42Speaker 01

  We don't even wanna know, but she can just get a, a black cock that can read and it's over.

• 48:49Stavros Halkias?

  Did he have anything else to say? He's just-

• 48:51Speaker 01

  Break it off now.

• 48:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. He's just worried she's gonna cheat on him basically.

• 48:56Speaker 01

  She going to cheat on you. She's 22. That pussy is like a fire cracker.

• 49:03Speaker 01

  I mean, and all this time she been sucking your average dick. Oh my God.

• 49:09Stavros Halkias?

  30 and 22 also. It's like, what's that relationship? When did it start?

• 49:13Speaker 01

  It don't matter.

• 49:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 49:15Speaker 01

  She gonna have so much dick in her jaws.

• 49:19Stavros Halkias?

  I tend to agree.

• 49:23Stavros Halkias?

  I agree with this past read of the situation.

• 49:25Speaker 01

  She's a 22 year old white girl. They come out the womb ready.

• 49:30Speaker 01

  All that church them people done put into that little white girl and she free now?

• 49:36Speaker 01

  I'm gonna say this negro please.

• 49:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, man. You should probably just cut it off. Also, you're, she doesn't wanna, she's not gonna, even if she doesn't cheat on you, it's like, what is the, what's the best case scenario?

• 49:48Speaker 01

  She going to cheat on you.

• 49:49Stavros Halkias?

  She's going to cheat on you, right? That's true.

• 49:51Speaker 01

  She's 22, you're 30.

• 49:52Stavros Halkias?

  Where do you see this relationship going? This is natural.

• 49:55Speaker 01

  To the university to be fucked.

• 49:59Speaker 01

  That's where I see this relationship going.

• 50:01Stavros Halkias?

  No, it's over.

• 50:02Speaker 01

  To the university a dick.

• 50:03Stavros Halkias?

  It's over. That's, she will be getting her doctorate at that university.

• 50:07Speaker 01

  She sure will. She get dipped and docked.

• 50:10Stavros Halkias?

  What else we got, Eldis? I think that, I think we dispatched our caller pretty quickly there.

• 50:16Speaker 07

  Hey staff, Eldis, esteemed- afternoon.

• 50:22Speaker 07

  Years old, physician, in a pretty demanding specialty, worked really hard, married with two kids, here's my problem. Married to my wife for ten years. We have a beautiful house, nice cars, take great vacations. She doesn't have to work. Two nannies. She's got everything she wants in the world. Sex life has been pretty terrible, as in nonexistent, for over a year. Tried everything I could. Eventually gave up, admittedly. Had to join OnlyFans.

• 50:57Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 50:58Speaker 01

  He had to join what?

• 50:58Speaker 04

  Had to join.

• 50:59Speaker 07

  I've been doing that for...

• 51:01Speaker 01

  Stop, replay that.

• 51:02Speaker 04

  He had to join OnlyFans. So wait, he joined it, but he, he... He mea- I think he means he's like a customer. He's watched OnlyFans. He subscribes to other women's OnlyFans, okay.

• 51:15Speaker 07

  Um, had to join.

• 51:17Speaker 04

  Had to. He said he saw him put a gun to his fucking head.

• 51:20Speaker 07

  And I've been doing that for about a year. Nothing personalized, just kind of subscribed to a few pages.

• 51:29Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 51:29Speaker 01

  So he...

• 51:30Speaker 07

  Watch some content, pay for some content, didn't really think much of it, maybe spend sixty, seventy dollars a month. Wife runs across this on one of my credit cards. Freaks out, says it's cheating.

• 51:43Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 51:44Speaker 07

  Wants divorce. Tells me that if I'm looking at anybody that's not her and paying for it, that's the same thing as going to like a sex party or...

• 51:55Speaker 04

  That's crazy.

• 51:56Speaker 07

  Or cheating on her. I think this is really strange, personally.

• 51:59Speaker 01

  She don't want him, and that was her way out.

• 52:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, I agree.

• 52:02Speaker 01

  She do not want you, and you sound like such a good man. And she do not want you. If, if somebody hadn't fucked you in a year and you're married, and this lady got a, the home, the car, the life...

• 52:16Speaker 01

  She might be fucking your homeboy. Because that's what white women do.

• 52:21Stavros Halkias?

  She doesn't want you. Worst case scenario, she's fucking your friends.

• 52:24Speaker 01

  She might be. But if she ain't fucking you, and you gotta go to OnlyFans and jack your dick off them short videos. Do you know how hard it is to jack your dick off them shorts? And I don't even know what's on OnlyFans. I don't even know if they give you the whole video. But if you spent seventy dollars on some pussy that you couldn't even get, and she want a divorce, sir, your wife is a bitch. And she's cheating on you. And the reason why she want a divorce is because she was looking for a way out. What you did was not cheating. What you did was trying to keep your nuts from exploding. And I understand that. You get rid of that white bitch and get a black bitch. Cause we wanna be put up. If you want some biracial kid, bring your ass to the other side.

• 53:07Speaker 01

  You can get, you can get better food, cause I know, I know you are sick of motherfucking macaroni cheese at the entree. Cause that's all white women cook is macaroni cheese for the entree. Your wife is a bitch and she cheating.

• 53:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it's fucking insane to say OnlyFans is cheating. Particularly when you don't, like, she, she's, that's essentially what I, she, she starved you, it's kinda like,

• 53:33Stavros Halkias?

  siege warfare. She starved you out, forced you to pornography. Which is, by the way, a good outcome.

• 53:41Speaker 01

  Even, I have sex even ninety, every ninety days.

• 53:47Stavros Halkias?

  Keep the accounts open before, yeah.

• 53:50Speaker 01

  That is, he see young. How many times he shit, his nuts, his nuts fill up with nuts.

• 53:56Stavros Halkias?

  How long did he say they've been together?

• 53:58Speaker 01

  They've been married for ten years. How many? Ten.

• 54:02Stavros Halkias?

  Ten.

• 54:02Speaker 01

  Married. You been married for ten years, your wife been fucking at the yoga class.

• 54:09Speaker 01

  There's always them white women that do that yoga shit.

• 54:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, a personal trait, that happens a lot when someone, well, she with a trainer or something. Happened to Tom Brady, in fact. That's Gisele with her karate instructor.

• 54:23Speaker 01

  Go and get you a black woman. Do the next caller.

• 54:27Stavros Halkias?

  I agree, Aldous.

• 54:31Speaker 01

  Oh, well, goddamn, I keep looking at you. Go and do the next one.

• 54:39Speaker 01

  Like, they don't know it's true.

• 54:40Speaker 08

  Hello, Stavros, Aldous guest. Thank you for taking my call. So, a little story. I'm married, been married for nine years. And my wife's great, funny, lovely, beautiful, all the things you want. Our relationship is good. The problem is, is with our dog. He is ten, eleven years old. He has epilepsy. So, he's still got some life left, but he's showing signs of aging. The problem is, is my wife has claimed she wants to have him stuffed when he dies. And potentially turned into a coffee table.

• 55:21Speaker 08

  And although I think that's kind of funny, I don't think I want a stuffed dog in my house. And then, there's the inevitable time when we have to, at some point, throw him out again. So, it'll be like he's dying twice. How do I convince my wife that we shouldn't do that? Or is there another solution on what we can do, creative solution? On what to do with the remains of my dog when he is no longer with us?

• 55:58Speaker 08

  I am also acutely aware that this is white people shit. So, if you have a guest that is a person of color, that might add a little better perspective on this whole situation.

• 56:12Speaker 01

  I'm so glad I'm here for you.

• 56:13Stavros Halkias?

  Lucky, lucky, lucky you.

• 56:15Speaker 08

  Great work, love you and everything. Bye.

• 56:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, your dog got epilepsy. That's the first problem.

• 56:21Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking crazy.

• 56:22Speaker 01

  So that's just seizures, right?

• 56:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I think so, yeah.

• 56:24Speaker 01

  There's some people who have to have somebody around to keep them bumping their head.

• 56:27Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 56:28Speaker 01

  So, I don't know why the fuck your wife want to stuff that dog, but if I was you, just keep your wife to shut the fuck up, stuff the dog, call me, I will have somebody break in your house and steal the dog.

• 56:38Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, smart. And you ain't gotta worry. Stage a robbery of the stuffed dog. And you're a good guy.

• 56:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, you know, and then you just, you put insurance on that stuffed dog table.

• 56:49Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 56:49Speaker 01

  And you ain't gotta worry about this shit no more.

• 56:51Stavros Halkias?

  That's true.

• 56:51Speaker 01

  It is definitely white people shit. I've never heard anybody mind, black people, we don't stuff our dogs.

• 56:56Stavros Halkias?

  It feels very country to me.

• 56:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:58Stavros Halkias?

  Stuffed animal, like, that to me, I would never do that shit.

• 57:02Speaker 01

  You know what you should do? You should stuff him and have him standing up with his dick on heart, and see if she keep it.

• 57:08Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, have them add a very red dog dick to the end of that thing.

• 57:12Speaker 01

  Yes. That is so fucking stupid. Tell your wife to get a life and get another fucking dog.

• 57:18Stavros Halkias?

  Stuff.

• 57:19Speaker 01

  Whatever dog is dying, they made another one look just like him. That's the good part about having a damn dog. It's a lot of them. And they all look alike.

• 57:28Stavros Halkias?

  Are you a dog person?

• 57:30Speaker 01

  Yes, I have can corso, but one died, and I just bought another one.

• 57:34Stavros Halkias?

  Those are huge, right? Those are, those are big dogs, the can corso's?

• 57:37Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 57:38Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, hell yeah. How big? Cause you have like a, I was seeing on Instagram, you're like, you built like a huge house.

• 57:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, they have a dog house.

• 57:45Stavros Halkias?

  You have like, yeah, those dogs live better than eldest lives. I've seen their house, it looks better than his apartment.

• 57:52Speaker 01

  It's nice.

• 57:55Speaker 01

  Jesus Christ. Please, tell your wife.

• 57:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 57:59Speaker 01

  Don't do that.

• 58:00Stavros Halkias?

  Don't do it, man.

• 58:01Speaker 01

  Because if a person of color come over there, they gonna be like, what the fuck is wrong with these some bad ass white people? They gonna be calling everybody, hey, this is where I'm at, I think they eat black people.

• 58:12Speaker 01

  Don't do that.

• 58:13Stavros Halkias?

  That would be fucking, imagine you walk into someone's house and there's a fucking dog with a glass table over top of it.

• 58:19Speaker 01

  We would immediately say we left something in the car.

• 58:21Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking crazy.

• 58:22Speaker 01

  Get back in the car and pull the fuck off.

• 58:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, your, your wife wants everyone to think your family's insane. That's what will happen if you have a fucking stuffed dog. It's fucking crazy dude, you can't, just let, show her this clip, let her see how viscerally disgusted we are. We both are, and no one is gonna wanna come over, somebody drops their kids off to play with your kids and they see a fucking dog? And you, you have a fucking coffee resting on top of a dog, it's gonna look weird.

• 58:49Speaker 01

  Tell your wife if she gonna waste her time on some taxidermy shit, why don't she wait till you die and stuff you? At least you'll be ever, you can forever be around? When she get another man, she can put you in the closet, when she lonely, she can pull you back out.

• 59:02Stavros Halkias?

  That's interesting, human taxidermy, something to consider. All right, Aldous, what else we got, man? We're, we're crushing these problems.

• 59:13Speaker 09

  Hi, Stole, hello, Aldous, uh, excuse me, guest. I'm hoping that y'all can help me with this, uh, to see who is right, if I'm right or I'm in the wrong. So I have a friend who is recovering from a pretty gnarly eating disorder. Had it since high school and over the past four years, they've been in recovery for it.

• 59:35Stavros Halkias?

  An eating disorder?

• 59:36Speaker 01

  An eating disorder?

• 59:37Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 59:38Speaker 01

  Oh, not black people, problem, call.

• 59:41Speaker 09

  And so I have made, been very careful whenever inviting them to like eat at my house or we go out to eat, to just be aware of that. Now, I am having a dinner and I tried finding recipes that would fascinate everybody that included some with meat, some without meat. And I had to vote in it because it was a tie and we ended up choosing a dish that had tomatoes. Come to find out that the girl that has the ED doesn't like tomatoes, not because of the meat.

• 1:00:14Speaker 01

  She don't like nothing, she throw everything up.

• 1:00:18Speaker 09

  Not because of the ED, but because they're yucky and they're too red.

• 1:00:24Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 1:00:25Speaker 09

  I'm, and so I just need your advice because I don't know if I'm in the right to do this tomato dish. Cause I want to do the tomato dish. Or if I should just, you know, change my vote so then we do the dish that she wants as well. This is kind of been a problem where she acts very childish and she like doesn't, if she doesn't get her way, then she gets upset. And I also included a question in the form saying dietary restrictions, anything I should know about. And she didn't put anything. So am I in the right to make this like tomato dish? Or should I have just made the other dish? Or should I have just made the other dish? Like, I don't know what to do. So if y'all could help me out, I would appreciate it.

• 1:01:10Speaker 09

  Also, I have really great tits. So I hope that influences your decisions.

• 1:01:14Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting, interesting. Awesome tits.

• 1:01:18Speaker 01

  First of all, why are you inviting somebody to your house who gonna throw up your food? That's a waste of fucking time. Come on, white people. Some of this shit you ain't gotta call in to the serial killer for.

• 1:01:30Speaker 01

  Shit is crazy. I mean, who, first, if she got an eating disorder, the bitch should be at the house. Okay? And then how she scared her tomatoes? Cause no matter what she eat, she gonna throw it up. So she gonna waste your food regardless. So you, you should tell her bring your own food, cause you gonna throw it up anyway.

• 1:01:48Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, yeah, it's like, I think the, the weird thing here is she's talking about a dinner party and like.

• 1:01:54Speaker 01

  Well, who inviting vomit cake people to, your friend is a vomit cake.

• 1:02:00Stavros Halkias?

  A vomit cake?

• 1:02:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, who invite them to a dinner party? You take them to the movies. You don't invite them where food at. Oh. You know, we, that, that ED is what they call it, right?

• 1:02:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, eating disorder.

• 1:02:14Speaker 01

  We never had that in the black community.

• 1:02:15Stavros Halkias?

  You didn't know anybody growing up that had eating disorder?

• 1:02:17Speaker 01

  You would get the fuck beat out of you throwing up your mama food.

• 1:02:21Speaker 01

  Bitch, you would be in that bag sucking that shit back like a stroller.

• 1:02:26Speaker 01

  You would get your ass beat. It was not a disorder. It was, you disrespect my table.

• 1:02:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:31Speaker 01

  We would get our ass beat for throwing up on my, so you need to get better friends.

• 1:02:37Speaker 01

  I'm just gonna keep it real with you. I've never had a friend to throw up, unless she was drunk or she had the flu.

• 1:02:44Speaker 01

  Invite no fucking vomit cake person to no fucking dinner party.

• 1:02:50Stavros Halkias?

  I would say, I, I have a slightly different take on it, which is, you can invite her, I would say, if she wanted the other one, first of all, like, making a Google spreadsheet for a dinner party, that to me is whiter than stuffing your butt.

• 1:03:07Speaker 01

  No, it ain't whiter. What, who the fuck, what, she said a tomato dish. Why is you making a tomato dish? What the hell is a tomato dish?

• 1:03:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I, I would say, what's, yeah, what, because my philosophy towards a dinner party is, have so much food that, it's like, you gotta overdo it when you're hosting a dinner party, in my opinion. So you shouldn't have one dish, right? One tomato-based dish.

• 1:03:30Speaker 01

  You don't know they pop, you don't know they pack it.

• 1:03:31Stavros Halkias?

  Even if I didn't have an eating disorder, ju, think of it this way, there's some, you wanna please people with eating disorder, you also wanna please fat people. Think about it like you're cooking for fat people.

• 1:03:40Speaker 01

  She don't sound like she have fat friends.

• 1:03:41Stavros Halkias?

  That's a, yeah, that, that might be a problem.

• 1:03:43Speaker 01

  And they probably all got ED and DDE.

• 1:03:46Stavros Halkias?

  So I would say, overdo it cook-wise. Do both dishes. You know what I mean? You want people when you're hosting, or say it's a potluck, but you can't ho, in my opinion, you can't host a party, a dinner party, and say there's one dish. That's fucking insane.

• 1:04:00Speaker 01

  Well, how about this? Just don't invite your friend who likes to throw up. How about that? The bitches throw up. Stop hanging out with throw up bitches. Okay? And get a bitch who know how to swallow.

• 1:04:12Stavros Halkias?

  What if she's a recovering throw up bitch?

• 1:04:14Speaker 01

  I don't, don't hang out with her either.

• 1:04:17Stavros Halkias?

  So, so if you have an eating disorder, you, you're not allowed to go to dinner parties?

• 1:04:21Speaker 01

  You shouldn't. You should stay at home and throw up your mama shit. Somebody who care about you wasting they food. Cause you throw up my food, I'ma slap the shit out you.

• 1:04:32Speaker 01

  Food is too high for a bitch to even have a disorder.

• 1:04:34Stavros Halkias?

  Here's the thing, if I'm having a party, I don't care if you wa- You know, have a good time is what I care about. That'd be different if it was day to day, you're caring for someone who's wasting food, whatever. But listen, I don't fucking ca- Like, most of the shit-

• 1:04:47Speaker 01

  And don't nobody want to see nobody with no ED anyway. They be all fucking shoulders and bones.

• 1:04:54Stavros Halkias?

  I think, I think they- I think we shouldn't ostracize people with ED.

• 1:05:00Stavros Halkias?

  I'm gonna come with the opposite perspective.

• 1:05:03Speaker 01

  I mean, think about this, people with ED.

• 1:05:07Speaker 01

  People with ED. I guess you trying to say, I mean, let me shut up.

• 1:05:14Speaker 01

  People with ED to me got claw hanger shoulders, so.

• 1:05:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, well, hope you- If you make a delicious enough meal, you know, put a little meat on their bones. I think the answer here is-

• 1:05:27Speaker 01

  One, it ain't gon- It ain't gon' be no one meal to get on their bones.

• 1:05:30Stavros Halkias?

  It can take awhile.

• 1:05:31Speaker 01

  And I know it's a disorder. And if this question is really real that you asking us, I- Huh? What you saying?

• 1:05:41Stavros Halkias?

  ED.

• 1:05:41Speaker 01

  I did too.

• 1:05:42Stavros Halkias?

  ED versus a-

• 1:05:44Speaker 01

  ED?

• 1:05:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, oh, that's true, I guess it is both. Yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:47Speaker 01

  So how do we know she have a disorder and not a limp dick?

• 1:05:52Stavros Halkias?

  And maybe that's why I'm supporting her so much.

• 1:05:55Speaker 01

  Cause we, you gotta- So we don't know if you have a limp dick or eating disorder.

• 1:05:59Stavros Halkias?

  I think it's an eating disorder.

• 1:06:01Speaker 01

  If it's an eating disorder, just get better friend. If it's a limp dick, call him.

• 1:06:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. True, I can tell you what to do.

• 1:06:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't know what to do with a limp dick.

• 1:06:09Stavros Halkias?

  Listen, overcook, have a couple extra dishes. If your friend doesn't like tomatoes cause they're yucky, I think it doesn't matter if she has an eating disorder. Even if she just was a regular guest who wasn't a fan of that dish. You don't wanna, you don't want half the people who voted to be pissed. They, just cook both things, in my opinion. Cook less of both things. Cook enough, cook some side dishes, say it's a potluck. No one should be pit, no one should be mad about the food at a dinner party. The whole fucking point is the dinner. You want it to be something everybody's gonna at least enjoy a little bit? Or have an, an element that they like? You don't want anybody being mad about the food at your fucking dinner party.

• 1:06:46Speaker 01

  Except to eat deer.

• 1:06:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. She might like something, though. She might like the, did she mention what the other dish was, Eldis? No, okay. Well, anyway. Hope you and your great tits have a good dinner party. We're rooting for you. And yeah, cook, cook more than you think is my, you know, as a, that's a, that's the Greek thing, though, too, is like.

• 1:07:04Speaker 01

  Oh, keep it real like a real black person. Get friends that don't vomit.

• 1:07:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, those are your two options. Get friends that don't vomit or cook a little extra food. You decide.

• 1:07:19Stavros Halkias?

  What else we got, LD?

• 1:07:22Speaker 10

  Hey, Stav, hey, Eldis, hey, guests. Uh, I got a quick one for ya. Um, I love eating pussy. And, uh, I just started hooking up with this, uh, new girl. Uh, and casual. Um, and when we, when we first hooked up, I went to go eat her out. And she said, "No, don't do it. I'm insecure." Uh, I'm not gonna say okay. And then, the next time we fucked, I didn't go to eat her out, but I caught a whiff. And I was like, "I see why she is insecure." Um, so, basically, my question is, um, how do I tell this girl that I'm not in a serious relationship with?

• 1:08:07Speaker 10

  That like,

• 1:08:11Speaker 10

  has, has anybody actually straight up told you, you know,

• 1:08:17Speaker 10

  if the rumors are true, uh, it does stink? Um, and then how do I, how do I help her fix it? Um, because I do really want to eat her pussy. Um, yeah, that's it for me. Thank you, guys.

• 1:08:31Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, tough problem, man.

• 1:08:34Speaker 01

  Take her to the doctor. Shit, the doctor fix broken pussies. Her pussy got something uncraw- she need an autopsy.

• 1:08:49Speaker 01

  Go get that girl her autopsy and then you can eat her pussy. Jeez, how you tell her? You call a doctor. You can't fix that pussy, that pussy need medication.

• 1:09:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, probably the doctor.

• 1:09:03Speaker 01

  Unless you like eating fucking pussy.

• 1:09:06Stavros Halkias?

  You, how do you tell your girlfriend your pussy stinks? I think is his real question.

• 1:09:10Speaker 04

  Well, I think a big thing for him too is that like they're not dating seriously.

• 1:09:14Speaker 01

  He say he's serious.

• 1:09:16Speaker 04

  No, he said, he said, how do you tell someone who you're not in a serious relationship with? They're casually fucking, but he still wants to eat her pussy.

• 1:09:23Stavros Halkias?

  You can't, you can't tell someone their pussy stinks in a casual relationship.

• 1:09:29Speaker 01

  I'ma tell you right now, your shit gonna break out tongue, neck, eels. You eat that pussy if you want to. The next time we see you, you gonna look like lumpy, dumpy. Humpy, dumped it fell off the wall, that who you look like too, humpy, dumped.

• 1:09:42Speaker 04

  Humpy, dumped as well, yeah, yeah.

• 1:09:44Speaker 01

  You eat that pussy if you want, go stick your tongue down there, see if it catch on fire. If you that anxious into eating ass, come on over here with us.

• 1:09:54Speaker 01

  I ain't just wanna eat the pussy, buy you a pussy off of Amazon.

• 1:09:57Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, okay, yeah. I think, listen, man, you can't, this is a weird conversation to have. Sure, sure, sure, I have. It's not great. But, you know, you do have, sometimes you just have to take one for the team.

• 1:10:12Stavros Halkias?

  But I would never, in a casual hookup scenario, I don't know that I'm telling someone their pussy stinks.

• 1:10:18Speaker 01

  So let me ask you something, does it smell like fish? Or does it smell like oil? Or does it smell like, uh?

• 1:10:28Speaker 01

  Refrigerator bacteria?

• 1:10:31Stavros Halkias?

  Like a moldy fridge? That no one's opened in a while?

• 1:10:34Speaker 01

  It's a quarter of what it smell like.

• 1:10:35Speaker 04

  It could be any of those.

• 1:10:39Stavros Halkias?

  Bad pussy runs the gamut.

• 1:10:42Stavros Halkias?

  There's a rainbow of bad pussy smells out there.

• 1:10:45Speaker 01

  I know what my pussy smell like after 48 hours, so.

• 1:10:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, we're looking at something that sounds pretty gamy and I think if this is a casual hookup situation, you're not telling them their pussy smells bad.

• 1:11:00Speaker 01

  If you want to, because she gonna funk up the room. If y'all ever sneak a fuck, everybody gonna know it.

• 1:11:07Stavros Halkias?

  You could, you could push for a shower, that's kinda, that's a move that some people do, but you know, if you're, if she doesn't-

• 1:11:15Speaker 01

  She gonna funk up the shower.

• 1:11:20Speaker 01

  Man, you in a close space with that foul pussy.

• 1:11:22Stavros Halkias?

  A pussy so bad that it ruins the shower? Give her a fresh bar of soap and a fresh washcloth. It disintegrates.

• 1:11:29Speaker 01

  The reason why her pussy stink, her white people don't use washcloths.

• 1:11:32Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm, interesting.

• 1:11:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, you ain't pulling them lips back, you gotta let them lips soak, girl.

• 1:11:39Stavros Halkias?

  Get her some baking soda and vinegar, like a, like a science experiment. Where like the volcano erupts, pour some baking soda and vinegar in her pussy and then it'll just pop off. You got a lot of great ideas.

• 1:11:50Speaker 01

  You a white boy, I know you got a gun, just shoot in the pussy.

• 1:11:56Stavros Halkias?

  I'm gonna stop short of shooting her pussy.

• 1:11:59Speaker 01

  I mean with your penis.

• 1:12:02Speaker 01

  He don't know, cause he got there.

• 1:12:06Speaker 01

  Praise the Lord. Interesting guesses you have called.

• 1:12:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Let's do a couple more here, Eldis, what else we got? Holy shit, what the hell? What the fuck, where are we? What happened? Oh no. Oh, I think it's time, it's time to- Oh my God, it's the motherfucking fucked up ass question of the week from the motherfuckers at Twisted Tea. We're still, we still haven't landed on the name of this, of the segment yet, but we were, we're getting closer every week. Oh my God, we're here, what, Eldis, it's time to keep it fucking twisted. What do, what do we got for the motherfucking fucked up ass fucking question of the week, man?

• 1:12:50Speaker 11

  Hi, Stav, um, I, oh, and Dacine Gaff, and Eldis.

• 1:12:55Stavros Halkias?

  Thank you.

• 1:12:56Speaker 11

  I'm calling because I have been dating my boyfriend for just under two years. We're about to move in together in like a month and, um, he's really great, I love him so much. The main problem, though, is that he is still friends with his ex-wife. Um, and for context, we like, he was still married when we first started dating. Ooh, keep it twisted. That's keeping it motherfucking twisted. Ooh, kinda poly, kinda poly.

• 1:13:32Stavros Halkias?

  She said they're kinda poly.

• 1:13:32Speaker 11

  Keep it twisted.

• 1:13:36Speaker 11

  They were like, kind of polyamorous, but then they, a month after we started dating, like, they just decided to get a divorce. Damn, that's... So he's been divorced for a full year now. Holy shit. Uh, the wife, ex-wife, excuse me, lives six blocks away with her new partner, who is a woman that she met at work. Okay.

• 1:14:00Stavros Halkias?

  It is twisted.

• 1:14:02Speaker 11

  Realizes he's a lesbian and left him. Uh, and they're still friends. Um, and I'm kind of losing my mind because,

• 1:14:15Speaker 11

  like, he goes over to her house and, like, the two of them have, like, a movie night. Or, like, I have to sometimes, like, go out to the movies with them and their friends and, like, it's fine in a group setting, but I really, I get so angry when he tells me he's gonna go over and watch a movie with her or whatever, when they're gonna hang out, just the two of them. Yeah. Um, and I just wanna know, like, if I'm crazy for thinking that way, like, I, you know, all my friends are girls and gays, and then my therapist is a woman, so I'm really only having Of course. female or female-coded perspectives on this.

• 1:14:56Speaker 11

  And, uh, I just wanna know if, you know, maybe there's something I'm missing in the straight male mind that...

• 1:15:07Speaker 11

  Thinks this is okay.

• 1:15:08Stavros Halkias?

  That's where you're here for, one of the finest straight minds.

• 1:15:12Speaker 11

  He's really great, except for this one nagging thing. Alright, thanks, Dove.

• 1:15:17Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, this is a very interesting situation. Super. And it is, let's just say, many parties have kept it very twisted.

• 1:15:27Stavros Halkias?

  Many of the parties involved have kept it, from the very jump of kind of poly. Kind of poly. Kind of poly's brutal. You're coming in at the end of that, right? So let's just start without her, right? Sure. Let's just, let's, piece by piece, let's break this down. Kind of poly, insanely twisted. Kind of poly means, we're, who's gonna cheat on who first? Right? It's like, look, we don't want, we're both cowards. It's when two people both want a relationship then, but they're too, they're too cowardly to admit it. So they're like, alright, if we set up a polyamorous relationship without strong guidelines, someone's feelings will get hurt, it will become a problem. It's poly chicken. That, they are playing poly chicken. Do it.

• 1:16:08Stavros Halkias?

  That's happening. You being the one who broke them up, that's quite twisted, right?

• 1:16:16Stavros Halkias?

  Her, her, did you see that the ex left him for a woman at the same, was it simultaneous? Or was it afterwards? She's currently with a woman.

• 1:16:27Speaker 04

  Right? Uh, didn't she say, once they started, like, yeah.

• 1:16:32Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, it was like.

• 1:16:32Speaker 04

  Very soon, like after they started seeing each other.

• 1:16:34Stavros Halkias?

  That's, that's lightly twisted. I mean, I know, let's not, you know, everybody, people are gay, I get that, but that's fun, at least. If it's not twisted, it's fun, that she left, that she's, you know, with a woman. Now, I will, now, so, knee jerk, right? They live fucking two blocks away. Six blocks away. Twisted. Yeah. Keep it twisted there. And, fucking, cool fucking horns going on outside.

• 1:17:07Stavros Halkias?

  Now, they're, now, knee jerk, knee jerk reaction is, this is insane. Yeah. Movie nights, one on one, is fucking, staying, staying friends with your ex is one thing, right?

• 1:17:22Stavros Halkias?

  Hang out in group settings is one thing. The movie nights are fucking good. Now, I will say, now, again, for a slight type of devil's advocacy here. These are people that were together, even tried an open relationship. Yeah. It, and, and one of them is now dating the opposite sex, right? Or the same sex in this case, but the opposite sex of whatever, of usual. Now, I don't, is, what's the other lady? Cause if this, if they tried being poly, and it didn't work, and this lady is in a monogamous relationship with a woman, and you're in a monogamous relationship with him, most of the time I'd say there's a 0% chance this isn't crazy.

• 1:18:02Stavros Halkias?

  There is a, there is a path here where this actually, there is no cheating happening. Yeah. They are people who realized they weren't gonna work together. One of them is now a lesbian. Sure. One of them is dating you. Yeah. And they are very close. And they're kinda gay, poly people anyway, who, like, at least lesbians, I don't know if gay guys are this way, they stay friends. Gay guys probably stay friends but also blow each other, or I don't, I guess, but, so there is actually a weird way where this is actually, you know, it is in some way wholesome, right? Yeah. I could see that. However,

• 1:18:46Stavros Halkias?

  you still are very entitled to your feelings. And if you think, if it makes you uncomfortable, they hang out that much one-on-one, I mean, it's, there's no gap between your relationship and their relationship. Negative gap. It happened at the same, they were both existing at the same time. Yeah. There wasn't time for them to, like, you're not, here's the thing. This could be a, an elusive, like, you're both right and nobody's happy situation. Where he's like, "I'm not even fucking this one, what the fuck is your problem?" Like, "I'm not cheating on you, why are you always doing, right?" And he is technically right. If he's not cheating on you, and he just is friends with this weird lesbian ex. Yeah. He might be right.

• 1:19:31Stavros Halkias?

  You're also not wrong to be like, "Hey..." This might be normal for you. This does not feel good to me. I have some jet, like, maybe it's something I need to get over, but I don't really like how close you are with your ex when we, we were, you know, when it was so messy coming out of it, and I'm a little insecure about that. It's also just the specific activity of one-on-one movie night. It's like, that's, that's classic. That's where you go to cheat, to cheat. Sure. So, are you insecure for other reasons? Yeah. Right? Yeah. Is this relationship just not good? Are you a little insecure because it's that old adage of if you get, not that this guy technically was cheating, but is there a little, is there, is there something in you? It wasn't a clean break.

• 1:20:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, he came to you under, let's say, nebulous circumstances, right? Is there part of you that's like, um, is there part of you that's like, he did this shit basically with me, can you do it again? Do it again. Even if it's not with her, are you, are you ever gonna trust this guy? Yeah. Is this relationship kind of doomed? Yeah. Cause I was, in college, I remember, I did date someone where it was a little messy from her last, you know, like, like, uh, you know, we never, she never cheated on the guy, but it was like, it was a little messy. And I just remember being like, just never fundamentally getting over For sure. The weirdness of that. And I've, even another relationship where it's like, we started out kinda messy, then

• 1:20:55Stavros Halkias?

  we were on a good track for like, a whole year, year and a half, but the, the early mess eventually rears its head. Yeah. And if you're, if, if you don't have a stable relationship in every other way to get over that? Yeah. You're kinda fucked, so. Yeah. Is this relationship a little too twisted? It's too twisted. Is this like, some kind of disgusting competitive beverage? That's warm and tastes like shit? And isn't brewed with real, I, tea? Which, by the way, I don't even know this, twisted tea is brewed with real iced tea. 5% per volume, goes down smooth as shit, okay? No pesky bubbles to stop you from guzzling it.

• 1:21:35Stavros Halkias?

  Delicious on a beautiful, on a beautiful, uh, spring day, or the end of winter, wherever you may be. Suck down a twisted, an ice cold twisted tea.

• 1:21:48Stavros Halkias?

  Is it that, is your relationship a delicious Twisted Tea? Or is it a disgusting, competing brand beverage? You're gonna have to figure that out. Maybe you need to sit down with your boyfriend, maybe with a peach Twisted Tea, and discuss your relationship over some Twisted Teas, is what I'm gonna tell you. But, you're not wrong, but if he's not cheating, he's not wrong either. Yeah. But he's weird. He's not wrong, but he's weird. You're not wrong, but you could be a little, someone could say you're jealous.

• 1:22:21Speaker 04

  I believe he's not cheating, or even trying to fuck, but if this ex is like, "Hey, me and my new partner wanna suck you off, let's have a threesome." He would do it in a hard.

• 1:22:32Stavros Halkias?

  I'm excited. I just got kinda hard thinking of that. That sounds awesome. And I think you're allowed to be like, "Hey, no more movie nights." Yeah, no more one-on-one, cuz she's not unreasonable. She's not like, "Hey, don't see her ever." She's like, "Look, she's your friend, whatever," but it's like, "Come on, man, what the fuck are we doing here?" Go out to lunch. So, again, neither one of you might be wrong, but you might just not be compatible, if this drives you that crazy. And you're gonna have to really get to the bottom of this. You're gonna have to decide if this matters to you. And either way, now, if you break up, drink a sorrowful Twisted Tea. That's right. And if you decide to stay together and keep it twisted, drink a celebratory Twisted Tea. Well, that's the fucked-up-ass, motherfucking, twisted-ass, fucking question of the week,

• 1:23:17Stavros Halkias?

  brought to you by Twisted Tea. Remember, folks, keep it twisted, okay? And good luck out there. Good luck out there with your weird, formerly poly boyfriend.

• 1:23:32Stavros Halkias?

  We're going back to the Miss Pat episode.

• 1:23:39Speaker 12

  Hey, this is Jeff Lewis from Radio Andy. Live and uncensored, catch me talking with my friends about my latest obsessions, relationship issues, and bodily ailments. With that kind of drama that seems to follow me, you never know what's going to happen.

• 1:23:51Speaker 13

  You can listen to Jeff Lewis live, at home or anywhere you are. Download the SiriusXM app for over 425 channels of ad-free music, sports, entertainment, and more. Subscribe now and get three months free. Offer details apply.

• 1:24:11Speaker 14

  Fall is a vibe. So, what's yours?

• 1:24:16Speaker 14

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• 1:24:31Speaker 14

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• 1:24:39Stavros Halkias?

  Alright, I'll just... Couple more, let's do one more and then a fun one.

• 1:24:44Speaker 15

  So, me and my girlfriend have been together for about 6 months. Everything has been great between us. We love each other, we click really well. She has mostly been in poly relationships and I have not. And recently, her and I have been having some issues in our sex life and she expressed to me that she would like it if I explore relationships with other women. Again, her and I are really happy together. We love each other a lot. But she told me she gets a lot of pleasure and enjoyment out of her partner being with other people. She likes hearing about it, it's kind of a turn-on for her.

• 1:25:29Speaker 15

  So, yeah, do you think this is something that I should explore? I've never been in a polyamorous relationship, so I don't know how to navigate it. Let me know what you think, love you, bye.

• 1:25:42Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting question. So, these women are in a... In a relationship and one of them wants her... Our caller's girlfriend wants her to date other people.

• 1:25:53Speaker 01

  I don't know how to answer no poly, I don't even know nobody named Polly. I come from an era where you don't share your dick. And damn near, you don't share your vagina, so... And why 2 bitches who bump vagina want to share anything? I don't know why. A pussy scratching ain't enough for y'all too? Now she wants to go out here and see you scratch another bitch pussy? You might need to come back to the land of dick, ma'am. I'm just gonna be honest, she not right. She not treating you right. She just want to see other bitches eat you out. Just go on and come on back to the dick. The crazy part is, she sound like a stud in the relationship. But I don't know.

• 1:26:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, we don't know.

• 1:26:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, so, you know.

• 1:26:31Stavros Halkias?

  She didn't make it clear, did she?

• 1:26:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, if your friend, if your wife want to see you get freaked out by somebody, y'all nasty.

• 1:26:39Speaker 01

  And y'all going to hell two times.

• 1:26:43Speaker 01

  Freaky ass motherfucker.

• 1:26:44Stavros Halkias?

  So the poly thing, that's not interesting to you at all, an open relationship?

• 1:26:48Speaker 01

  I don't open a relationship. I had gonorrhea. When you open your relationship, you get STDs.

• 1:26:55Stavros Halkias?

  How long you been married? You been married for a while?

• 1:26:57Speaker 01

  Thirty-two years, but he didn't give me shit.

• 1:26:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, he's good, right?

• 1:27:00Speaker 01

  The dude who couldn't read gave me the shit.

• 1:27:06Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, interesting. So, look, does she have any, does our caller have any interest in opening this up, Eldis? Has she said anything? It doesn't sound like it. It sounds like she's being, you know, pretty, not coerced, but... She wants to be a trooper, but she's not into it. This is her partner's idea. Her partner's a cuck, a female cuck, basically.

• 1:27:24Speaker 01

  What's a cuck?

• 1:27:25Stavros Halkias?

  Somebody who likes watching their wife or girlfriend get fucked.

• 1:27:29Speaker 01

  Ew.

• 1:27:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:31Speaker 01

  So she a white ditty?

• 1:27:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, she has some ditty, she has some ditty elements to her, for sure, it sounds like. Yeah, her girlfriend seems to have some light ditty trappings going on. Yeah, look, if you're...

• 1:27:44Speaker 01

  You got some nasty fans.

• 1:27:47Speaker 01

  We don't deal with a child molester, a stinky pussy eater...

• 1:27:51Stavros Halkias?

  A woman being hunted by a child molester, let's be clear.

• 1:27:54Speaker 01

  A child molester, a stinky pussy eater, a dude who can't get laid.

• 1:27:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:27:59Speaker 01

  Another dude that don't know his wife is cheating, a booty scratcher. Jesus, white people, I thought, black people need to know that y'all have a hard time over here.

• 1:28:12Stavros Halkias?

  So, look, if you don't want to be in an open relationship, don't do it. You know what I mean? Like, that's simple as that.

• 1:28:17Speaker 01

  You up here answering this shit like you a psychiatrist, for real.

• 1:28:20Stavros Halkias?

  Huh?

• 1:28:20Speaker 01

  You really into answering this bullshit?

• 1:28:22Stavros Halkias?

  I like to tell that, yeah, yeah. We like to make fun of them and then give them a little something at the end, you know? But you're right, yeah, yeah.

• 1:28:28Speaker 01

  Just buy you a dick.

• 1:28:31Speaker 01

  Tell the truth, she don't hear all that bullshit you talk. Buy you a dick.

• 1:28:34Stavros Halkias?

  I'm sure they have purchased plenty of dicks between them.

• 1:28:37Speaker 01

  Well, buy you a dick and tell her you don't want to see, you don't want nobody to see you using your dick.

• 1:28:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:41Speaker 01

  In Jesus's name, y'all pray.

• 1:28:45Speaker 01

  You get, and if she that freaking, buy a pocket pussy and y'all lick it together.

• 1:28:52Speaker 01

  That shit nasty. Just throwing pussy all over the room.

• 1:29:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, listen, you know, that's your other option again. You could go that way or, you know, just stand up for yourself in the relationship. Tell her, I don't want to fuck other chicks. And if you guys break up, you break up.

• 1:29:11Speaker 01

  Tell her you don't want to eat other chicks.

• 1:29:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, whatever, yeah, eat whatever you're doing to them.

• 1:29:15Speaker 01

  Cause the guy before you ate a pussy that almost killed him.

• 1:29:20Stavros Halkias?

  Give us something fun to go out on here, Eldis.

• 1:29:22Speaker 01

  That was fun.

• 1:29:24Stavros Halkias?

  That was pretty good.

• 1:29:26Speaker 16

  Hi, Savi, Eldis, and the esteemed guest. I'm gonna need some help. I've been with my boyfriend for a year now. We just celebrated our anniversary.

• 1:29:38Stavros Halkias?

  Congratulations.

• 1:29:39Speaker 16

  And he's a short king. I love him to death. He's hot as fuck, but he's short. And I can tell it makes him...

• 1:29:46Stavros Halkias?

  He's short.

• 1:29:48Speaker 01

  So, white people call short people short kings?

• 1:29:51Stavros Halkias?

  I think it's...

• 1:29:52Speaker 01

  When the fuck did y'all become kings?

• 1:29:53Stavros Halkias?

  I think it crosses cultural lines.

• 1:29:55Speaker 01

  Y'all call y'all women kings and queens?

• 1:29:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I think it's part, it's the great tradition of white people stealing shit from black people. That you guys started with king and queen.

• 1:30:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, so now y'all using king and queen. Black people, they don't stole king and queens.

• 1:30:08Stavros Halkias?

  That's how it goes. You know how culture works.

• 1:30:10Speaker 01

  Jesus. Y'all don't stole kings, I'm not gonna play.

• 1:30:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:15Speaker 16

  But he's short.

• 1:30:17Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:30:17Speaker 16

  And I can tell it makes him insecure, like when we take pictures together or out and about and like a taller guy's checking me out, I can tell it makes him angry. So, I'm just curious, um, advice for dating short kings? What I can do to help? Should I not say anything? Should I ignore it? Should we address it? Um, it's not an issue of like chemistry or anything like that. I'm just a little bit taller girl. Um, so would appreciate any advice you can give. Thank you, love you guys.

• 1:30:51Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 1:30:53Speaker 01

  I'm gonna start this one. Ma'am, buy your short kings some heels.

• 1:31:00Speaker 01

  Or some stilts one.

• 1:31:04Speaker 01

  Cause nothing like a little bit of angry ass white man. That's all, what more can you say? I mean, it ain't, it ain't your fault he short, it's God's fault.

• 1:31:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it's true.

• 1:31:15Speaker 01

  Oh, tell him drink milk. That's the biggest lie America ever told us. He need to drink milk.

• 1:31:23Speaker 01

  Geez, oh, you, you can always use him for a tampon.

• 1:31:26Stavros Halkias?

  The whole, the whole guy.

• 1:31:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:31:30Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, damn, well, listen, I have no personal, I don't know why you're calling this show about dating short guys. I don't know, I don't understand why, you think I would know?

• 1:31:45Stavros Halkias?

  But I don't, I mean, look, I've never gave a fuck, but that's also, uh, kind of my whole thing. Uh, I get if you're insecure, if the guy's insecure, I don't know that there's much you can do other than if you're just being like a loving girlfriend and you're not giving attention to other people who are trying to hit on you, then he shouldn't be, this is his problem and he has to figure it out. Now, if he's being a fucking dick about it, if he's like, you know, overly insecure, being like, why are you talking to those guys or like, you know, trying to see your phone, if it bleed, if his short insecurity bleeds into the relationship, that's a problem, but if not, all you can do is, I don't know, be supportive, whatever.

• 1:32:24Speaker 01

  And you can always pick up your man and put him on the countertop in the kitchen and suck his penis.

• 1:32:34Stavros Halkias?

  We're not gonna do better than that. That's gonna be the episode, folks. Great advice, Miss Pat. Season five of The Miss Pat Show on BET Plus, uh, Amazon, you said as well?

• 1:32:46Speaker 01

  Amazon, is Amazon Prime and BET Plus?

• 1:32:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yep.

• 1:32:49Speaker 01

  And, uh, Miss Pat Sellers is also over on BET Plus.

• 1:32:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yep.

• 1:32:52Speaker 01

  And make sure you go to YouTube and check me out at Whiskin' It All with Miss Pat at Miss Pat Comedy Channel. So come on over to the internet, YouTube, I'm everywhere. Go to my website, mspatcomedy.com to find out when I'm coming to your city to solve your white problems.

• 1:33:08Stavros Halkias?

  That's right.

• 1:33:10Stavros Halkias?

  Identify yourselves as Stavi's World listeners if you go. I think it'll be obvious.

• 1:33:16Stavros Halkias?

  I think it'll be obvious if people came from this show and we hope you do. Miss Pat is so funny. You guys are gonna love her.

• 1:33:22Speaker 01

  Thank y'all. Thank y'all for having me.

• 1:33:23Stavros Halkias?

  The show, big fan.

• 1:33:25Speaker 01

  Now go take off my jogging suit.

• 1:33:29Stavros Halkias?

  See you guys. Talk to you next time. Thank you.

• 1:33:40Stavros Halkias?

  Hey, everyone. It's Stavros Halkias, and I'm here to tell you about my podcast, Stavvy's World. Each week, we're joined by great guests like Josh Safdie, Eric Andre, Caleb Heron, and more. It's sort of an interview show, but really, we're just messing around, making each other laugh, and hopefully making you laugh while you're washing the dishes, or grocery shopping, or on a long drive. Plus, I take listener calls, or we have honest conversations about dating, life, and everything in between. Imagine if your therapist was a vulgar degenerate whose office was in a Greek diner. No scripts, no polish, and absolutely no holding back. Listen to Stavvy's World wherever you get your podcasts.

• 1:34:18Speaker 17

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