#140 - Mike Mitchell

Mike Mitchell joins Stavvy's World for a special LA episode at the Bad Ladder studios to discuss the fact that he'll be referred to as a podcaster in his obituary, his insurance company denying his Ozempic claims, the highly exclusive fat guy group chat he and Stav are in, when his mom realized he was a loser in high school, witnessing 9/11 in his first week of college, and much more. Stav and Mike help callers including a sugar baby-slash-caretaker who's considering marrying her 80-year-old sugar daddy, and a man who's getting ruthlessly bullied by teens at his gym. Check out Mike Mitchell's podcast Doughboys: https://linktr.ee/doughboyspodcast Follow Mike Mitchell on social media: https://x.com/bdayboysmitch https://www.instagram.com/mynamesmitch Get 10% off BRUNT with code STAVVY at https://www.bruntworkwear.com/STAVVY Get $5 off your next Magic Spoon order at https://magicspoon.com/stavvy Get a refreshing Twisted Tea today. Keep It Twisted!! Visit https://www.twistedtea.com/locations to find Twisted Tea near you. Get 10% Off your entire order & take advantage of Ridge’s Annual Sweepstakes by going to https://www. Ridge.com/STAVVY #Ridgepod NO PURCH. NEC. Open to legal residents of 50 US/DC, Canada & the UK, age maj.+. Void where prohibited. Begins 8/1/25 and ends 9/15/25. 2 winners selected. Max Prizes total ARV: $380,000 USD / approximately $516,000 CAD / £306,800. Canadian skill-testing question required. Subject to Rules, including free entry method & odds: ridge.com/rules. Sponsor: The Ridge Wallet, LLC. AUCUN ACHAT NÉC. Ouvert aux résidents autorisés des 50 É.-U./D. C., du Canada et du R.-U., âge de maj.+. Nul là où interdit. Débute le 01/08/25, se termine le 15/09/25. Sélection de 2 gagnants. VDA totale max. des prix : 380 000 $ US / ~516 000 $ CA / 306 800 £. Question d’habileté mathématique (Canada) req. Sujet au règlement, incluant méthode de participation gratuite et chances de gagner : http://ridgewallet.ca/rules. Organisateur : The Ridge Wallet, LLC. 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets 🎥 Watch LET'S START A CULT on Hulu: https://www.hulu.com/movie/lets-start-a-cult-1f157c44-3840-4f01-8863-bb6afa472a0b ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld ☎️ Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

  What kind of day is it? It's a White Claw day. Grab a pack, grab your friends. Everything else in life can wait. Your friends shouldn't. Let's go. White Claw. Grab life by the claw. Please drink responsibly. Heart's also with flavors. White Claw's also works Chicago, Illinois.

• 0:17Speaker 01

  At Lowe's, this Veterans Day and every day, military members, veterans and their spouses get automatic Milo's Rewards Silver Status Benefits. Plus, 10% off eligible purchases with no annual limit. It's one way we honor and give back to those who have served and still do. Learn more and verify now at Lowe's.com/military. 10% discount can't be combined with another offer. Exclusions, terms and conditions apply. Loyalty program subject to terms and conditions. Details at Lowe's.com/terms. Subject to change.

• 0:46Stavros Halkias?

  Welcome, everybody, to Stobby's World. 904-800-STOP. Call in, we'll solve all your problems. All right, bro, there you go. Fade it out, you motherfucker. Jesus Christ.

• 0:58Stavros Halkias?

  I want to mock Eldis, but you're not doing him any favors when the guest producer's doing worse than he usually does, man. And Eldis is a piece of shit, by the way, everyone. Let's just get that on record. He is on his first of three vacations this summer. So I have decided, you know what? I don't need Eldis. We're coming to Los Angeles. I'm Hollywood Halcos. I'm going to get some Hollywood heavy hitters on the pod, starting with my boy, Mike Twisted Metal Zone, Mike Mitchell.

• 1:27Speaker 03

  What's up? I cover the heavy part of that.

• 1:30Speaker 03

  I don't know if I'm a hitter, but I am heavy.

• 1:33Stavros Halkias?

  No, you're the man. Mike is a great, you're a great. I mean, it's funny that, yeah, I mean, we're both a podcast, bro, of course. You might, many know you from Doughboys, but also a great, a podcaster, like most podcasters, it's a huge bailout, right? You have an actual acting career. You've been in some good stuff. You're a good actor.

• 1:54Speaker 03

  That's kind of you to say, you're a good actor. I mean, like, having the label of podcaster does suck.

• 2:00Stavros Halkias?

  It's brutal for you.

• 2:01Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 2:01Stavros Halkias?

  Because you have been, you were, you've been acting for a while and you've been in good, you know, you were in love. You're like, you're like Tomorrow War. You've been in some real projects.

• 2:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, people, me too.

• 2:11Speaker 03

  I've got a lot of fake stuff, too, as I'm sure you have.

• 2:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, of course, a lot of bullshit, you know, of course, but.

• 2:17Speaker 03

  Things no one will ever see, which is good.

• 2:18Stavros Halkias?

  Ever see, but, uh, but yes, it's the same thing where it's like podcast or will be, whether we like it or not, it's gonna be the thing that leads the, the, the, um, uh, is it obituary? Yeah. The obituary, that's coming sooner rather than later.

• 2:33Speaker 03

  Our tombstones which are being chiseled.

• 2:38Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah, dude, the, uh, I was gonna say the New York Times, but it's like, it's like, uh, the vulture comedy section. Like, you know how they have like, uh, Queen, they had Queen Elizabeth's obituary ready to go? They have ours at any moment.

• 2:54Stavros Halkias?

  They have, they have fat podcasters' obituaries ready to go. They just need to put the dates that it happens.

• 2:59Speaker 03

  My in memoriam is at the Del Close Marathon or some shit.

• 3:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, they're gonna do my in memoriam at the Magoob's Joke House, New Comedian of the Year 2026 Contest. They're gonna play a slideshow while they tabulate the votes for which open mic'er gets to, you know, open for Eddie Griffin, and that's the, that was the prize I won when I was New Comedian of the Year in 2012.

• 3:23Speaker 03

  Who gets open for Eddie Griffin? How did that go? Was it like?

• 3:25Stavros Halkias?

  It was insane. I mean, he's awesome. He's, he was on some, you know what?

• 3:31Speaker 03

  He seems, he seems, he seems cra- like, like his.

• 3:34Stavros Halkias?

  Fully insane.

• 3:35Speaker 03

  Fully insane, yes.

• 3:35Stavros Halkias?

  And he was talking about, uh, I have to give him credit, because he was talking about vaccine conspiracy theories.

• 3:42Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 3:43Stavros Halkias?

  In 2000, this was, this was 2013?

• 3:47Speaker 03

  Yes, yeah.

• 3:48Stavros Halkias?

  And he was talking, he was very anti Obama. He was, he was, he was like, uh, he was like, he thought Obama was actually gonna be the president that gave us the vaccine that we didn't wanna take. So, when the, when the COVID came around, he was close. When COVID came around, I was watching a lot of Eddie's YouTube, because I needed to see how he was gonna respond, and he was like, he was pumped about it. And you got, you know, he was talking about it was gonna make a, he, he thought it was gonna make us zombies, though. That was his whole thing.

• 4:16Speaker 03

  In a way, he was right.

• 4:17Stavros Halkias?

  He's right. Made us all libtards. It libbed us all out.

• 4:21Speaker 03

  As you know, I have, I have like, I have like long COVID, or I got sick a year and a half ago, and I, and I have, I've, I've read so many long COVID things, it's like, try like methylene blue, and I'm like, maybe.

• 4:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, people say that it completely fucks your brain up, right? That it just like kinda gives you like.

• 4:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, they're, they're, I mean, like, people are like, like, if you take it too long, you can turn blue.

• 4:41Stavros Halkias?

  I've seen that.

• 4:43Speaker 03

  This shit that turns you blue.

• 4:44Stavros Halkias?

  Methylene blue comes up every once in a while. Some guy was take, was like, some part of a doomsday, like preppers were talking about it.

• 4:51Speaker 03

  Oh, right.

• 4:51Stavros Halkias?

  And now they're blue forever. There's, there's like videos of those guys, or picture of those guys, it's very funny. They straight up look like Smurfs.

• 4:59Speaker 03

  Which is good, and Hollywood can be good. I, I, like, I also, I'm on a GLP-1 and then, and, and I started, I, like, I went from not medicated to just fully medicated in the last two months, and now I just do have like, a, a thing in the middle of my palm.

• 5:14Stavros Halkias?

  The mark of the beast. You have a stigmata.

• 5:16Speaker 03

  I have stigmata.

• 5:19Stavros Halkias?

  Jesus is trying to get all the woke medicine out of your veins, dude. He's trying to get, he's trying to get the vaccine out of you. Every night when you go to sleep, Jesus weeps and he tries to suck out the vaccine from your bloodstream like it's a rattlesnake bite.

• 5:35Speaker 03

  Both hit gravy coming out of both hands.

• 5:38Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that's fucking hilarious, dude. Yeah, I, I, the, the older I get, the more I'm like, yeah, load me up with medicine. I don't wanna die.

• 5:47Speaker 03

  That was that, when I talked to my doctor and I was like, uh, cause he, everyone is like, I've asked my doctor for like, for, you know, like, Ozempic or whatever.

• 5:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 5:56Speaker 03

  And my doctor, two years in a row was like, you should take Ozempic.

• 6:01Stavros Halkias?

  He was on his knees.

• 6:01Speaker 03

  He was like, please.

• 6:03Stavros Halkias?

  Get on Ozempic, he's crying. Dude, that, I have the same thing where I was like, when I, um, uh, I, I decided to fucking, uh, I was like, all right, if I go on tour and I loo, and I gain weight again, I'll die. Cause basically what happened to me is, every time I go on tour, I just gain 20 pounds, minimum.

• 6:22Speaker 03

  Yes, yes, yeah, yeah.

• 6:23Stavros Halkias?

  And so I was about to go on a three-month tour this, earlier in this year, and I had been losing a little weight on my own, and I was like, fuck it, let me like get, you know. And I didn't have a doctor at the time, so I had to get like, just a guy.

• 6:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 6:36Stavros Halkias?

  That you pay, like probably similar. Probably similar to like the guy Mulaney's describing in his special, like, you know what I mean? Like, he never made me, he never made me get shirtless, but like, it is a guy that feels a little like, if you have enough money, I'll get you whatever you want, right?

• 6:52Speaker 03

  So I didn't. If they found you dead, he would like go to court.

• 6:55Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, of course, of course. He would be wearing probably a hilarious outfit. You know what I mean? Like, he wouldn't, he doesn't own a regular suit. Uh, he's in a, but, so he would just gave me whatever I wanted and, but, everyone had prepared me for the insurance company being like, look, they're just not, insurance companies won't. And dude, I've never had an insurance company, have a swifter approval of anything in my life. They were like, oh, yeah.

• 7:16Speaker 03

  That fucking rules.

• 7:17Stavros Halkias?

  They were like, we, you need this shit. So.

• 7:21Speaker 03

  I was borderline diabetic and they still were like, no, no, I'm on like Anthem. I'm on the SAG. I'm on SAG. Are you on, are you on SAG?

• 7:29Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, no. I'm on some other shit.

• 7:31Speaker 03

  And, and they were, and they, they denied it and.

• 7:34Stavros Halkias?

  Really?

• 7:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I pay out of pocket, which sucks.

• 7:37Stavros Halkias?

  SAG, you feel like the actor ones, it's like, that's the ones that, you know.

• 7:41Speaker 03

  Which is funny, I guess.

• 7:42Stavros Halkias?

  Hollywood, the Hollywood ones, they, only the elite, only the pedophile, the elite pedophile's ghettos. If you're just a working actor podcaster, you don't, you have to pay out of pocket, dude. That's where your Patreon's going, to Mike's fucking stepbound.

• 7:54Speaker 03

  It is, you're sa, I guess, saving my life.

• 7:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 7:58Speaker 03

  I mean, we had an immediate fat guy bond, you and I.

• 8:02Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, of course.

• 8:03Speaker 03

  We're on, we're on a fat guy text chain.

• 8:05Stavros Halkias?

  We are on a fat guy text chain.

• 8:06Speaker 03

  We won't, we won't out the other fats.

• 8:08Stavros Halkias?

  We won't, we won't. But it is, we are trying to start an elite fat guy cabal in Hollywood, you know? Cause together, I think we, we, yeah, we have to decide, we're gonna try and, I think we should try and destroy the other fat guys.

• 8:21Speaker 03

  The, the, the four of us or the other two ons?

• 8:24Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, the ones, the four.

• 8:25Speaker 03

  Okay, yeah, yeah.

• 8:26Stavros Halkias?

  The ones on our chain, like, we need to start taking them down one by one, you know what I mean?

• 8:31Speaker 03

  That's, that, that is, I mean, this is the funny thing, I'm sure that you know this too, where I'm like, do I like, wanna take this drug that will like make me lose weight and then I, like, like, I like being big and I like food. Like, those are the two things I like. And then it's like, will I not get cast as like, like, will I, will I just like be out of work? Or like, you're done. See, dude, like you have nothing.

• 8:51Stavros Halkias?

  Weird not fat guy.

• 8:53Speaker 03

  You're like, just, I'm an ugly man now?

• 8:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah dude, um, I know, I don't, I can, people tell me, I guess it's just, this is the like delusion of what makes you think you can work in show business anyway. I really don't give a fuck. I also, we've also had this discussion where it's like, I could lose a lot of weight and still be fat.

• 9:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 9:15Stavros Halkias?

  You know, it's like, it's like, I don't, I could still be Hollywood fat, you know what I mean? Like, worst case scenario, you know what I mean? Like, I would need a lot, I need to lose weight to get to the point Brendan Fraser got to, to play the whale. You know what I mean? Like, I could lose weight and get to the point that a regular actor gets to, to play fat. Like, that's me after two more years of hard work. Is like, what a non-fat actor, what they, when they gain weight for, like Stallone in Copland?

• 9:41Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 9:41Stavros Halkias?

  That's my dream physique.

• 9:42Speaker 03

  Oh, 100%.

• 9:43Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? He looks fucking awesome.

• 9:45Speaker 03

  That's like, when I was like 22 years old, I wish I looked like Stallone in Copland.

• 9:49Stavros Halkias?

  Which he like famously, for you guys who don't know, famously put on, that was like his play it winning an Oscar, I guess, because he was like, gained a bunch of weight. And I think the movie didn't do that well at the time, but it's a banger movie.

• 10:01Speaker 03

  It's awesome, I love, I fucking love that movie.

• 10:02Stavros Halkias?

  It's such a great, great movie. You guys should check out Copland.

• 10:05Speaker 03

  You blew it, the big De Niro.

• 10:06Stavros Halkias?

  Oh dude, the De Niro?

• 10:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:08Stavros Halkias?

  You blew it. It's incredible. It's one of the, to me, it's one of like De Niro's like, uh, line reads right up there with, nah, a little bit. You disrespect him a little bit, you know what I mean? Like, those two stand out so much.

• 10:20Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 10:21Stavros Halkias?

  And of course, I have nipples, Greg, can you milk me? It's kind of in that big three of, of De Niro line reads.

• 10:29Speaker 03

  That was also like, now, and now, and now De Niro's like nearly a comedian. I feel like every movie he's done for like the last five years has been comedy.

• 10:36Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, for sure.

• 10:37Speaker 03

  Which bums me out. But also, like you're saying, we're like, I mean, if you combined us right now, we are 600 pounds.

• 10:42Stavros Halkias?

  Oh dude, we're so fat.

• 10:44Speaker 03

  We're putting, this, this, this couch is, the couch is being put to a test today.

• 10:47Stavros Halkias?

  It's tough, it's tough, absolutely.

• 10:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:49Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, but yeah, I don't know dude, I, I mean, there is, the, the other thing is, I could lose weight, I'll still have my fat identity. I have a breakfast burrito stain on these new shorts that's pissing me off. Were you a stain kid? Were you of that kind of fat guy or no?

• 11:00Speaker 03

  It's funny, I was like a, I was like a beautiful blonde little boy.

• 11:05Stavros Halkias?

  No. How, until what age, like how old are we talking?

• 11:08Speaker 03

  Uh, right around like, like 5th grade, middle school, like when I got to middle, I actually genuinely remember in middle school, like, being at a dance and then, like, Three or four different girls asked me to dance. I was like, this is pretty fucking awesome.

• 11:23Stavros Halkias?

  Hell, yeah.

• 11:23Speaker 03

  And I like, didn't know what to do. And then, like, within that year, like, I like, you know, like, when in like, cartoons where like, a mouse will drink like, the monster juice and then chase the caterer. That's exactly what, I like, it like, within that year, I was like, and like acne started to come. And then it was just like, no, no.

• 11:42Stavros Halkias?

  Puberty made you fat.

• 11:43Speaker 03

  Puberty, and it would always be like, it would always be like a roller coaster. And then when I look at myself in high school now, I was like, I was, I was, I was like, two hundred pounds, but then in high school, that's like, a fat guy or whatever.

• 11:54Stavros Halkias?

  Well, it was all in your head, for sure.

• 11:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean, that was a part of it, yeah. But I didn't look, I looked like shit. I did, I looked horrible for a really long time.

• 12:03Speaker 03

  And that stayed with me forever. I also think that, like, when you have acne, you like, you like, can't, I like, couldn't look people in the eye for, you know what I mean? I was like, looking down at their feet and shit like that. So that, that was like another, that was like the other sad, sad part of it. But I was like, I remember I wrestled for a year and, and there was a guy who, like, the closest guy to my weight was like, seventy pounds bigger. And so like, when we were doing exercises, I had to carry him on my back. And I was like, I was like, I weigh a hundred pounds less than this fucking guy. So I wasn't like, I wasn't the hu, I wasn't like, huge in high school, but I was like, I'd say fat. I'd say people would call me a fat guy.

• 12:39Stavros Halkias?

  Now, when you were a beautiful little boy, do you remember what life was like?

• 12:42Speaker 03

  I, I swear to God, like, I still will, like, I'll have dreams of, like, running.

• 12:48Stavros Halkias?

  When you're like, nine?

• 12:50Speaker 03

  I was like, I was like, the idea, like, I've like, I don't dream ever, cause I have severe sleep apnea.

• 12:56Stavros Halkias?

  Right there with you, brother.

• 12:57Speaker 03

  But I, I use a CPAP, so I am, like, I'm, I'm dreaming a little bit now. But when I was, when I was like, a nine or ten year, I was like, a fat, like, I was, I, like, I'll have dreams about being a boy again and running around. And I'll wake up and I'll be sad and I'm like.

• 13:10Stavros Halkias?

  That's so fascinating, dude. Cause like, I, that's interesting because I have been, we do have like, we have an absolute fat guy, but no question. But we have gotten to, you know, fat adulthood in different ways because I was just your textbook.

• 13:25Speaker 03

  Fat.

• 13:25Stavros Halkias?

  Fat little kid who was like, like, like, kinda like. Um, you know, pin gets his cheeks pinched by old ladies like like, you know, cute little fat guy like my I I've told the story in the pod, but it was like, you know, I auditioned for that Bruce Willis movie, The Kid.

• 13:43Speaker 03

  Oh shit.

• 13:44Stavros Halkias?

  But it was like an open audit. It wasn't like.

• 13:45Speaker 03

  I auditioned for Dennis the Menace.

• 13:47Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, see that, see that tells you the difference. You were a Dennis the Menace type. I was a fat boy. I was like, cause they wanted a chubby little guy. It ended up going to like Dakota Fanning's brother. I guess.

• 13:56Speaker 03

  Oh, really?

• 13:57Stavros Halkias?

  I guess they tried to make him a child. Their parents were like, put them all in the fucking system. I got debts, baby. The Mets fucked me. Put the boy in movies too.

• 14:07Speaker 03

  And you know what? I want to thank Mr. And Mrs. Fanning because they're they're they're the two daughters are great actors.

• 14:12Stavros Halkias?

  Incredible actors.

• 14:12Speaker 03

  Great job.

• 14:13Stavros Halkias?

  Incredible actors.

• 14:14Speaker 03

  Sometimes it's worth it to ruin the kid's life.

• 14:15Stavros Halkias?

  I I wonder what the kid is up to now. The guy who he the movie was the kid, the boy who beat me for the nationwide talent search. But also it's so funny where it's like, we're doing a nationwide talent search.

• 14:25Speaker 03

  So the little Fanning, the Fanning brother's a little, he's chubby because he's a little.

• 14:28Stavros Halkias?

  He was, I think. Can you, Mo, can you look up the kid?

• 14:32Speaker 03

  The kid kid.

• 14:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, the kid Fanning. And I remember seeing that and being so fucking pissed. Or maybe it's not Fanning. Maybe it's, is it? Is it a different? Did I make that up?

• 14:44Speaker 03

  Disney's the kid.

• 14:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, go to cast. I think it's that kid. Maybe is his last name Fanning? No, it's something else. I lied. Or maybe they changed his name.

• 14:53Speaker 03

  It could just be, it could be a stage name or whatever.

• 14:55Stavros Halkias?

  True, true, true.

• 14:56Speaker 03

  But I'm gonna be fucking pissed off if you lie.

• 14:57Stavros Halkias?

  Dude, I'm gonna be, I'm such a fucking piece of shit.

• 15:01Stavros Halkias?

  Or maybe I was wrong. Damn, I thought I knew that.

• 15:04Speaker 03

  That's, but I, that is like, that is like a, that is like a thing I remember seeing. Well, you know what I mean? Like that, the Disney's the kid is one of those little memorable.

• 15:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, click on that kid.

• 15:12Speaker 03

  It's a young version of him, isn't it?

• 15:14Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, it's not Spencer. Oh, Breslin. It's a different family.

• 15:18Speaker 03

  Oh, is it?

• 15:18Stavros Halkias?

  Abigail Breslin, that's why. Okay, I wasn't totally wrong. Yeah, look at him. He looks like a little fat, you know, he's he's a little, he's not even that fat, but anyway. But it's interesting because.

• 15:27Speaker 03

  He would have been way fatter.

• 15:28Stavros Halkias?

  I would, yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. Maybe I was too fat. Um, uh, but it's very funny for them to be like, we're doing a nationwide talent search. There's just like, a showbiz kid gets the role.

• 15:39Speaker 03

  Fucking sucks.

• 15:40Stavros Halkias?

  Like what the fuck, man? What did I give up my Saturday for? To go to the fucking Towson Town Center Mall and sit in a fucking room for four hours?

• 15:48Speaker 03

  It also sucks that there was like multiple producers being like, that kid might be too fat.

• 15:52Stavros Halkias?

  Too fat, next. Yeah, they have a pile that's like too fat, fat enough to molest, good to put in movies. Like, like they were, that was really what it was. It was like they were just rea- they were like, they're like Dan Schneider was just like in a control room, being like, reject, put in movies, put in the molest pile.

• 16:15Stavros Halkias?

  Anyway, so yeah.

• 16:16Speaker 03

  I moved out here. I looked up to Dan Schneider so much when I came to Hollywood.

• 16:24Stavros Halkias?

  But yeah, cause I like, I, it is very funny to think about the way, you know, the, the, the roots to being, cause like, I had the problem of like, I knew to play the little fat guy role and I knew to be the little, the life of the party at a very young age and to be like,

• 16:38Speaker 03

  Sure, yeah.

• 16:38Stavros Halkias?

  The fun little fat guy. And so I had no, so I was not socially anxious at all, even in high school.

• 16:45Speaker 03

  That's huge.

• 16:45Stavros Halkias?

  I, but, but it, the problem was I could get, the only, because I was so like, um, because I was so like open and like constantly an entertainer, whatever, the only place anxiety, social anxiety hit me was with girls. And so that was a brutal one. Cause when I was in high school, it was like, it would be like, I could get girls to like go to the, you know, you like, like I remember in high school, the most brutal time of my life is, take this girl out, we have a fun time, we're in my car. And that's when the anxiety starts. Cause like, nor, it's like a girl is, she's trying to make out with you dude. Like, I could have probably gotten like a weird handjob, you know, in my car, but I was just like.

• 17:22Speaker 03

  Air poofing out of your dick.

• 17:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Probably couldn't, yeah, even at seventeen, I had erectile dysfunction. Um, I was just like, my dick couldn't get hard. I was, I did, there's one time where I was getting jacked off in my church. And I was too ner- I was so nervous, my dick wouldn't get hard. And then, and I was drunk as shit. I was like sixteen and just blackout drunk.

• 17:43Speaker 03

  And why, why the, why, why were you in the church?

• 17:45Stavros Halkias?

  Because the Greek festival happens at the church and we had a rec room upstairs.

• 17:50Speaker 03

  That's like, this sounds like Godfather, like, uh, and even like, if you're Greek or Italian, I'm like, I shouldn't be surprised that you're jacked off in a church.

• 17:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, but I was blackout drunk and like, and, and then I was getting nervous because there was like, We were making, we were making out, no for real, we were making out, I've told, I've told somebody before I think, but we were making out like in a little cove that I knew about. And it was an office nobody used and like while I'm touching this girl's tits, I'm like 16, it's the best moment of my life. Uh, the door opens and it's like, uh, uh, like eight. Like it's like the set, the board of the church had been like counting the money from the festival, but it was all old dirtbag dudes. So it was like. They were like, nah, but it, but it made me nervous. So then I'm like, all right, let's go upstairs to the gym. And now I'm like drunk as shit. The girl's touching my dick. Bless this girl at the time, her being like, all right, let's keep it going.

• 18:41Stavros Halkias?

  She was cool. I gotta, I gotta tell you something. She was a real cool girl.

• 18:49Stavros Halkias?

  But it was very funny where the next day it was like, I'm like, and you know, no, no girl's ever like, I've kissed like one other girl in my life and I'm like, well, looks like I have a fiance. Like I was like in love because a girl like, you know, touched my dick and like, uh, I was too nervous thinking like, you know, my aunt, like my, my brother's godmother was going to catch us. So I was like, all right, that's enough. We should leave now. Um, but then I'm like cruising MySpace the next day and I hit, you know, hit her up on MySpace. And dude, the most devastating thing where I'm, where she's just like. Oh no. She's like, haha, I got hit with this. This is like the best moment of my life. And she's like, haha, last night was so crazy.

• 19:29Stavros Halkias?

  I don't even really remember what, and by the way, she's lying. Like she was, it was like, I wasn't a 16 year old assaulter, everyone relax. It was, it was like, it was like, uh, like I was the one who, I was getting drunk because a girl kissed me and I was nervous. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I was just getting, keep, kept getting super fucked up. And then, because she had a boyfriend also. So she was like, I don't, I don't even remember what happened. And you know, I check her top eight and I'm like, back in, this is MySpace days. Um, this is like, by the way, when like Gen Alpha kids are watching this podcast and it's like two guys describing color television for the first time. We're like, I'm on MySpace getting pussy. They're like, it's like talking about watching the Merv Griffith show or whatever. Mine was even, I was like AOL Instant Messenger.

• 20:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, because you're a couple of years, a couple of years older.

• 20:17Speaker 03

  Yeah. I wish I had fucking Facebook or MySpace.

• 20:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. Oh, the bulletin, trying to, trying to get pussy off the bulletin.

• 20:25Stavros Halkias?

  Before statuses, you had bulletins, but yeah. And then I'm like, and I'm like, and then I go, and she hits me with that message. I'm at my telemarketing job the next day. I was working as a telemarketer for a company called American Government Mortgage.

• 20:37Speaker 03

  When you were sixteen years, this life, it sounds like you're like a twenty-four-year-old guy.

• 20:42Stavros Halkias?

  No, no. I was, I was at my telemarketing job the next day. And I'm, you know, on MySpace being like, time to message my, you know, future wife, the girl who kissed me. And I get to like, oh, last night was so crazy. It was fun, but I don't remember what happened. And then, and then I go on her thing, I see like, just pictures of her with a different guy. And I'm like, and then I just like, am tearing up and be like, ha, ha, me neither. And then it's like, and I'm like crying, eating Wendy's. That was also the year I got fat. That's the year I went from regular fat guy. Because the telemarketing job was next to a Wendy's. And I got, like, I went back to play football the next day. This is between my sophomore and junior, or the next year, between my sophomore and junior years.

• 21:24Stavros Halkias?

  And my coach was like, what the fuck did you do to yourself? I got too fat to play defensive tackle. Like, you know, that's the fattest guy in the, on the football team. And he was like, what the fuck are you doing? And I didn't, by the way, I didn't lift weights, I just got fatter.

• 21:40Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 21:40Stavros Halkias?

  So it was, um, but yes, that was like.

• 21:43Speaker 03

  I mean, the combination of her giving you that news and being next to a Wendy's, that's.

• 21:46Stavros Halkias?

  Brutal, dude. That bought me forty Baconators. Just that, that message. And so that's, because I think of fat puberty as the moment you go from a chubby little boy who's like, because, you know, everyone who looks back, it's like, you go from a chubby boy to like, a fat disgusting man.

• 22:04Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 22:05Stavros Halkias?

  And that was, that was, that was that summer.

• 22:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, the kid, the kid is cute, like with the Disney's, the kid is cute.

• 22:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 22:11Speaker 03

  Like, there is, that's that crossover. It's, it's like, it is around middle school, high school.

• 22:16Stavros Halkias?

  It sounds like you went, and then there's an even later one, which is like what I went through like five years ago, when you just become like, as fat as a fifty-year-old man. We used to become a disgusting, like, not fuckable in any circumstances.

• 22:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, and your body's not functioning.

• 22:31Stavros Halkias?

  Not fu- yeah, it's when, yeah, it's when you get sleep apnea and you get, or you get your fir- you need like three. You need diabetes, sleep apnea, some kind of dick problem. It doesn't have to even be erectile dysfunction, it could be like, I was pissing too much. Or like, you know, or your piss is sweet because of diabetes or whatever.

• 22:49Speaker 03

  It's that sort of thing of, there is a level where like, if there's a girl in your bed and like, like she's touching and you have a sleep apnea mask off and you have to take the mask off before you have sex, or like, or putting it on, like, the, like, the, the, the, the whole process of putting on your sleep apnea mask after you've had sex, it's all, it's all, it's just embarrassing.

• 23:09Stavros Halkias?

  That's the weirdest one where you have to be like, you're, you're cuddle, you're like, this is a pretty victorious moment for me. I've had sex with a beautiful woman, or an okay woman, and who I respect. A beautiful woman who's, uh, has something wrong in her life, or an okay woman who I respect greatly and who care, you know, who, uh, we have a bond, whatever. Uh, and then you have to be like, alright, and then you're cuddling, you're like, wow, life's awesome. And then you're like, okay, goodbye, I'm gonna go put on my, the mask that makes sure I don't die while sleeping next to you. And then you just have to sort of say, you psychically bid them adieu, and then you're basically like in a little solo fat prison.

• 23:50Stavros Halkias?

  When you, you, I, you know, you turn away, I don't, it's like, don't look at me, it's like Phantom of the Opera shit.

• 23:55Speaker 03

  It's end of episode three where the fucking, the mask comes over, you're just, you're just laying still.

• 24:03Stavros Halkias?

  You're just laying there fat as shit, and then like, I literally like turn away, like I'm a stomach sleeper.

• 24:08Speaker 03

  Uh, me too, yeah.

• 24:09Stavros Halkias?

  So I'll turn away from the, I'll like, show her my back, so that it's like, you don't have, you don't look at me with my mask on. And then I'll wake up in the morning and be like, alright, take it off, and now I'm a human being again, I'll cuddle for like five minutes before waking up again.

• 24:24Speaker 03

  This, if me with a mask on is like, like, I'll like pat, like, my, whoever's in my bed head and be like, take their hand and be like, goodbye, like.

• 24:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 24:34Speaker 03

  There's nothing else that's gonna happen now.

• 24:35Stavros Halkias?

  I know.

• 24:36Speaker 03

  I've had to become a back sleeper because of that and I hate, I hate, I hate sleeping.

• 24:40Stavros Halkias?

  Good for you though, I think it's better for you. I just didn't learn it. I've just persevered through. I know it's bad for you, but I'm just like, I don't fucking care.

• 24:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:47Stavros Halkias?

  I'm gonna keep sleeping on my stomach even though there's like a fucking cord tangled around me or whatever the fuck. I'll figure it out. I don't fucking care.

• 24:53Speaker 03

  I just gotta hope the cord does its work.

• 24:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, one day it kills me, yeah.

• 24:57Speaker 03

  Hung by my CPAP tube.

• 25:01Stavros Halkias?

  This episode is brought to you by Visible, the smartest upgrade this season. It isn't a new phone, it's a better wireless plan. Switch to Visible, the ultimate wireless hack. You get unlimited 5G data and unlimited hotspot powered by Verizon. We have Visible here at Stobby Baby Enterprises. We love it. We just got a new assistant. She loves it. She's taking all our sushi orders. They're going through the Visible network, brought to you by Verizon. It's fast, it's reliable, it's so sick. They sponsor the Stobies World hotline, as you know, and make it possible for us to help all our callers out. Oh my God, they're the best. Switch today at visible.com. The Visible plan starts at $25 a month.

• 25:40Stavros Halkias?

  Or get the Premium Visible Plus Pro Plan and save $10 on your first month with promo code STOFS. Terms apply.

• 25:49Speaker 04

  Hey, it's me, Teddy Swims. You hear that? That's life. So go grab it. Grab your old friends, grab new friends, grab a white club.

• 26:01Speaker 04

  Grab flavor for everyone in your crew. Grab music, laughter, and moments you'll never forget. You'll never regret it.

• 26:08Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, hey, man.

• 26:09Speaker 04

  Grab new friends, grab old friends, grab life. By the glow. White Claw. Please drink responsibly. White Claw Celta, Rick, Chicago, Illinois.

• 26:18Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, fuck, dude.

• 26:19Speaker 03

  My, my, my, uh, in my church, I never, I mean, years of not any of what you said at 16, you were way ahead of the curve.

• 26:26Stavros Halkias?

  Well, no, no, that was it. It was like, I kissed one. I, I like, I've had, I also had a very, I was like, I was cucked before I even got to fuck a girl where it was like, I had like a, I had like a high school girlfriend who was like a family friend that I would see sometimes and we would talk on the phone.

• 26:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 26:42Stavros Halkias?

  And then she like, and I made out with her twice. I touched her tits once and like the, and then, but I would get phone calls constantly where she was, she'd be like, huh, I accidentally got fingered last night by like just some other guy. I hadn't even like seen her breasts and I'd be like, all right, well, listen. Fifth ti- what you, it's been fifth or sixth time, one more time and you're in serious trouble in this relationship. So I had that and then I touched like two pairs of tits and then it was like over until college. You know what I mean? It was like a, it was just like, I was so embarrassed that I just, cause there's such a difference between how people perceive you as like the fat fun guy who's like, I'm shitting on everyone, I'm in control.

• 27:26Stavros Halkias?

  And then I'm so nervous around women at that age.

• 27:28Speaker 03

  Of course, which everyone, like I think a lot of people are.

• 27:31Stavros Halkias?

  And now I've completely overcorrected. I know it's a mental illness where I'm like, I'm like, if I fuck enough girls, maybe I wasn't a loser in high school. You know what I mean? It's like, maybe, maybe it's the multiverse and if I fuck girls now, I go back in time and get pussy in, you know, 11th grade. And then, and then I like.

• 27:46Speaker 03

  I have thought of it back to like Back to the Future, like getting pussy back to the future. I was like, if I could go back to being like, like 19 or 20 again and like having the confidence.

• 27:55Stavros Halkias?

  Comedy.

• 27:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, probably, probably, I'd be happy. I'd be in like a normal job and be thrilled.

• 28:00Stavros Halkias?

  Massachusetts just grilling. Be like, Michael Jr. You know what I mean? Like that, we'd all have such better lives. I'd just be in Baltimore owning a fucking crab restaurant. I'd be, you know what I mean?

• 28:10Speaker 03

  Seven kids with huge heads.

• 28:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, just fat little kids. Me and my fat daughter, I'm braiding my fat daughter's hair. That'd be awesome, dude. If we just go back in time and get pussy in high school, our lives are so much better, dude. And we're just, you know.

• 28:25Speaker 03

  I have like a, a, a thin blue lives flag up.

• 28:29Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah.

• 28:29Speaker 03

  It's like completely.

• 28:31Stavros Halkias?

  If you're not doing anything wrong, you shouldn't be scared of the police. You know what I mean? Like you're, yeah, 100% you got the thin blue line. Dude, absolutely.

• 28:40Speaker 03

  Uh, I, I, uh, my, my, at my church, my confirmation cardinal law was there. The bad guy from Spotlight.

• 28:48Stavros Halkias?

  Whoa, you have a famously, a famous pedophile like, uh, move around her. Like he was the guy who didn't, he didn't fuck kids. He just kinda shifted the guys around.

• 28:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, he was, he was, he was a very Game of Thrones. He was moving, he was moving priests left and right.

• 29:04Stavros Halkias?

  He's got like a board like it's fucking, like it's fucking, uh, Stratego or whatever. And he's like, all right, uh, he's gotta be at least three parishes away from the kids he fucked. God, come on Frank. Come on, that was my only spot. Now I gotta move Eric here. You're killing me. Can't you just kiss him for a couple of months? You gotta suck him off too. How many, I can't move this many guy. Oh, you wanna go to Providence too? Well, too bad buddy, you're going to Montana.

• 29:33Speaker 03

  He's like, oh fucking tough day at the office today. Had to move around like seven priests.

• 29:38Stavros Halkias?

  It's like child molester Tetris, where he's just like, he's waiting for one long piece to make it all make sense.

• 29:46Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, and they all, can we get a couple straight pedophiles guys? I mean, Jesus, the all-girls school, I can move you there. Everybody complains when I move you there.

• 29:58Stavros Halkias?

  I've run out of all-girls school to move the gay guys, okay? So fucking chill. Yeah, it's fucking brutal, dude.

• 30:06Speaker 03

  He was, I mean, the true villain of that movie was there and asked me a question. He was like, he asked me a question to like, it was like a layup question, I got it wrong and the church laughed, it was on confirmation day.

• 30:17Stavros Halkias?

  It was like, yeah, how many, yeah, it's like father, son, and?

• 30:21Speaker 03

  Holy.

• 30:24Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, the, the spirit of St. Louis?

• 30:31Speaker 03

  In the confessional.

• 30:32Stavros Halkias?

  In the confessional. With our horniest priest.

• 30:37Stavros Halkias?

  Go in the punishment booth.

• 30:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, go with Father McClanahan, he's going, he's getting transferred tomorrow. You think the day before they get transferred is like second semester, senior year? They're like, woo, I'm going crazy, I'm going on a molestation spree. I gotta move to Toledo tomorrow anyway.

• 30:59Speaker 03

  My mom, I went to camp, Camp Fatima, which was not a fat camp surprisingly.

• 31:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that was a saint, right? Cause there was Our Lady of Fatima.

• 31:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, Lady of Fatima, yeah. And that was the first camp my mom sent me to when I was younger. As an adult, she's like, you know, I was worried about sending you there because a priest had gotten in trouble for like molesting a child there the summer before. I was like, why the fuck did you send me to that fuck camp? What the fuck's wrong with you? She sent me to Camp Fatima still.

• 31:27Stavros Halkias?

  That's so fucking funny.

• 31:29Speaker 03

  And I was like, I was like trying to remember Camp Fatima, I was like, I don't remember anything about Camp Fatima.

• 31:33Stavros Halkias?

  Oh no, bad sign. Wait, was that the summer you turned fat? You're just like, Mike, how was camp? I don't wanna talk about it. Bring more Doritos.

• 31:44Speaker 03

  I went from Macaulay Culkin to me now. It was truly, it was a summer. I've always said that there was like one summer I went down to my basement, I came up and it was just a fucking monster.

• 31:53Stavros Halkias?

  A homunculus? That's so fucking funny, dude.

• 31:57Speaker 03

  My mom also, she worked at my high school, so that was not, that was not, that was not helpful in any way.

• 32:03Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that's so true. Your mom lurking, you can't just be like, you know?

• 32:07Speaker 03

  I, I remember I, my junior year, I wrote a note to a girl that was like, like the most embarrassing note you can write that was like, hey, like yo, I like maybe wrote yo, like yo, hang out later and like, we're gonna go drink beers at White Rock or whatever. I gave it to this girl and then my chemistry teacher, uh, like, and she sucked, but she took the note and she brought it downstairs. And I like walked into the room as she was giving the note to my mom. So my mom like, had to, and this note is like, it like, it's the, it's the most fucking embarrassing thing. So my mom had to see like, what a fucking loser. Her son also was like this note that will like make any pussy go dry.

• 32:46Stavros Halkias?

  You're in trouble, you're in trouble, but you're also such a loser. And you have to watch her react live. You don't even get her reading it and then like being like, all right, how am I gonna react when he gets here? You see her being like, ugh, come on, dude.

• 33:01Speaker 03

  It was truly like, it was, it was a mortifying moment. But, and so I like also, I like, it didn't help that she was there. Not that I would have done well anyways, but I think that there's guys like you and there's guys like, Gabe, I already John Gaber, who are like confident, big guys.

• 33:17Stavros Halkias?

  Gabers, I feel like really did have a figure, like I feel like he actually did hook up as a youth.

• 33:22Speaker 03

  He, he, I think he did well. And I, I never, I never.

• 33:25Stavros Halkias?

  No, I didn't, don't get me wrong. I didn't either for like my psychological hang, that's why it's like, it's interesting the fact, the different types of fat guys you can be in the different hangups.

• 33:33Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 33:34Stavros Halkias?

  You can have.

• 33:34Speaker 03

  Yeah. And I, I was, I was like, I didn't, and even in college and now, well, I also found out, I was like, I don't even like, I don't like, uh, whatever. It's not for me.

• 33:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. You're asexual.

• 33:44Speaker 03

  It's like, I don't, I don't care about it. It's not, it's not fun for me. I don't like it anyways.

• 33:50Stavros Halkias?

  No, but that's not true because the other thing is, I, what I, what I really admire about you is you have a pure, you're, you're like the party animal for pure reasons.

• 33:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 33:59Stavros Halkias?

  You like just everyone having a good time and there's no like, like, cause like I'm trying to have a good time, obviously, and I like hanging out, don't get me wrong, but I'm also, fifty, fifty, it's fifty percent that, fifty, it's like, good party, we're having a good time.

• 34:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:13Stavros Halkias?

  Probably get sucked off, you know, whereas I really admire that you're like, you're just trying to have an awesome time. You're a pure, beautiful, like, fun soul to be around, whereas like, I have that and then, like, if I see, if like a pair of titties hits me the right way, I'm like, I just lock in and I'm like, fuck this party, dude.

• 34:31Speaker 03

  Blood in the water.

• 34:31Stavros Halkias?

  I'm like, I ha- I have to at least try, and look, most of the time I'm gonna get rejected, right? I'm gonna go up and I'm gonna talk to this girl, but I'm gonna get rejected then, and then I'm like, now my attitude's bad the whole rest of the party. Whereas you're just fucking having a good time, you know what I mean, like, there's a purity to that.

• 34:45Speaker 03

  I'm happy if I see every, if I send people off to bed together at the end of the night and then I just am in bed by myself, I'm happy.

• 34:53Speaker 03

  My stocking cap on, smiling, as everyone's off into room.

• 34:56Stavros Halkias?

  Blowing out your candle.

• 34:58Speaker 03

  Everyone's in the room fucking.

• 34:59Stavros Halkias?

  Listening to everyone fuck. You're just a cu- you're like a eight, a cuck eight different ways. You have like a, a, a series of tubes where you can hear everyone fuck.

• 35:08Speaker 03

  Seuss, yeah, Seuss tubes.

• 35:13Stavros Halkias?

  You're just smiling, listening to people.

• 35:15Speaker 03

  Petting my two cats.

• 35:19Speaker 03

  That was, I mean, like in college, I didn't, I, the, like, uh, the, the fat guy thing for me was always, it was always a sticking point. I was a, I was a, I was a nine eleven college, my first week of college was.

• 35:29Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow.

• 35:30Speaker 03

  Was nine eleven.

• 35:31Stavros Halkias?

  Holy shit, yeah, yeah.

• 35:32Speaker 03

  And I, I saw nine, I saw nine eleven, I saw the buildings fall on a movie, in a movie, on a movie theater, well, not, not, not like an AMC.

• 35:40Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 35:41Speaker 03

  But like, like, like, that, there was, yeah.

• 35:44Stavros Halkias?

  I was like, how did they even figure, rig that up? Did they have that ready to go?

• 35:48Speaker 03

  4DX.

• 35:49Stavros Halkias?

  The she, she, the rubble is coming on your head.

• 35:54Speaker 03

  By the water squirting. It was, it was, it was the theater at the college and it was my politics class. And then like I saw that all happen.

• 36:01Stavros Halkias?

  Oh my god.

• 36:02Speaker 03

  Like on a big screen live.

• 36:04Stavros Halkias?

  That's crazy because we're only like five years apart, but like.

• 36:06Speaker 03

  That's right, yeah.

• 36:07Stavros Halkias?

  But that difference in those years is crazy, especially in seventh grade.

• 36:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 36:11Stavros Halkias?

  And you're like, the idea of a seventh grader on a college, like, that's worlds apart.

• 36:15Speaker 03

  Of course, yeah.

• 36:16Stavros Halkias?

  And like now we're, in fact, we're just the same age now, but it's like, that's just crazy how much like, how, what a different experience, because I was in French class and being like, and, but that's crazy because I'm sure the vibes were not like fun after nine 11 happened.

• 36:28Speaker 03

  No, no, no, not at all.

• 36:30Stavros Halkias?

  No one's trying to fucking, you know, get drunk and just suck a fat guy's dick after nine 11. They're trying to like be scared about Osama bin Laden.

• 36:37Speaker 03

  I remember they were like firefighters are like, like people love firefighters and like bigger guy, and that didn't happen for me. That didn't work out at all for me.

• 36:44Stavros Halkias?

  Well, if you were, if you were, if you were in Boston and being a fucking volunteer firefighter, it probably would have worked.

• 36:50Speaker 03

  I should have pivoted at that point.

• 36:51Stavros Halkias?

  Well, you know, there were guys, and I, this is a big pet peeve of mine, you know, there were guys who signed up like 2020, 2002.

• 36:59Speaker 03

  Oh, sure.

• 37:00Stavros Halkias?

  And they were getting the runoff pussy, but it's like, you guys weren't fucking firefighters during that. They, they, they should have made you show like, were you a firefighter during nine 11? To get to fuck these girls, and I know a lot of guys weren't, you know what I mean?

• 37:14Speaker 03

  I would have been one, I should have been one of those guys.

• 37:16Stavros Halkias?

  You should have signed up immediately.

• 37:18Speaker 03

  And I would have not passed any test.

• 37:21Speaker 03

  Like carrying the hose, like I didn't even do it.

• 37:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 37:24Speaker 03

  But I, I.

• 37:25Stavros Halkias?

  You're eating the Dalmatians food, like in their bowl like.

• 37:29Stavros Halkias?

  Come on, Mike.

• 37:31Speaker 03

  We're gonna keep him, we're gonna keep him as like the house pet.

• 37:34Stavros Halkias?

  You're the gimp, you're the firehouse gimp.

• 37:39Speaker 03

  Which we got, we saw, we.

• 37:40Stavros Halkias?

  We did, we went to see.

• 37:42Speaker 03

  Double feature of a.

• 37:43Stavros Halkias?

  That was awesome, because I hit the fat guy chat thread. Um, this is the beauty of the fat guy thread, I'm on the plane to LA, as soon as we land, I'm like, where do I get a good burrito? That's the first question I ask about LA. I'm on the tarmac, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you text me, you're like, by the way, I'm going to a double feature. And we saw Pulp Fiction and before that it was Reservoir Dogs, which is a great, great double feature.

• 38:09Speaker 03

  I love that you didn't baca that because I am like, all I do is go see movies. And I told you, like, you were talking about like the ghosts of Christmas yet to come, like the fat guys that you see that you're like, that's future me. And I go to the Vista, which is Tarantino owns the Vista, dude. Awesome, awesome theater.

• 38:25Stavros Halkias?

  That's the best, I mean, what LA has for sure, this is the first time I've been like, I come here, you know, you just come here a lot for work stuff. And I've never, I've always been like, oh, this was fun, but I'm ready to leave. I'm weirdly like enchanted with LA right now where I'm like, I'm trying to get an apartment in New York. It's been kind of a pain in the ass. And if it falls through, I've decided my backup plan is to just come rent a house in LA for the month.

• 38:49Speaker 03

  I fucking love that.

• 38:50Stavros Halkias?

  Because like, seeing the movie was awesome and the weather's actually, it's not as hot as you think in the summer.

• 38:56Speaker 03

  No, October, like.

• 38:58Stavros Halkias?

  It weirdly gets hotter. But like August, not bad, you know what I mean? Like, it's not, it's not great, but it's like, better than New York, which just gets hot as fuck and there's no beach and there's no pools.

• 39:07Speaker 03

  There's no like, I mean, there's like never any real humidity, it's just when it gets like a hundred degrees.

• 39:12Stavros Halkias?

  Well, it's also nice to just call, at night it always dips down because the sun is really what's heating you, not like, you know, humidity and it's, you know, being in an urban fucking landscape. So anyway, I think I'm gonna get this.

• 39:22Speaker 03

  I would love for you to get a house, I mean, you would be moving out here like as the city is like falling, like everyone is like vacating the city.

• 39:28Stavros Halkias?

  But it would just be like a weird like, let me spend a month during the summer. Look, I think what's gonna happen, now because I'm excited about this plan, God is gonna turn around. When I wanted the New York apartment, he was fucking, he was fucking my ass and not giving it to me. Now where I've got this kind of fun plan to just spend like five weeks in LA over the summer for fun and watch movies and shit like that. Uh, he's gonna, I'm trying to trick God into giving me the New York apartment basically. By having a different dream, I'm like, well, I want this now, God, and he's gonna just give me the apartment. Because I've already, the fucked up thing is I've already.

• 40:01Speaker 03

  There's a fire pole to the Sbarro downstairs.

• 40:08Stavros Halkias?

  That's my dream apartment, it's like next to a Sbarro Panda Express, I'm like, yeah, the best parts of New York City, baby. It's above the M and M store in Times Square.

• 40:22Speaker 03

  I would always be getting asked for autographs for red. Red!

• 40:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you couldn't wear, whatever color shirt you're wearing, they'd be like, whoa, it's the yellow M and M.

• 40:36Speaker 03

  You never break character.

• 40:41Stavros Halkias?

  But, but yeah, it was fun and I, I love that about it. I mean, like Tarantino's, I mean, I've really gotten into a movie going,

• 40:49Stavros Halkias?

  you know, era of my life. Cause like, you know, when I was a kid, my parents are, my parents are, you know, I'm a first generation Greek immigrant and there really was a cultural, like, like my mom was into too good of films because she grew up in Europe and she was seeing all this like, you know, she was big into like, you know, actual, fucking intellectual cinema, like, you know, I, I'm too stupid even now to remember the guys that we're talking about. Like, I don't know, what are some fucking big?

• 41:15Speaker 03

  I went to film school too and I don't know.

• 41:17Stavros Halkias?

  What's the guy, what's the guy playing chess, death, chess with death with the Bergman maybe? Yeah, like, she didn't like, you know, she was into like, but, the one thing she really liked was weird and my mom's like, just the nicest Eastern European, you know, woman, like makes snacks for all my friends, like just, you know, my brother just had a kid, she's built to be a grandma. Like, it's just so perfect, but she weirdly really liked mob movies. So the only, like, a weird bonding experience I had with my mom when I was like a pretty little, and she wouldn't let me, she was so strict, I couldn't watch, like for a while she wouldn't let me watch The Simpsons, like she was that strict, but she would let me watch mob movies because she thought they were just good movies. So it's like, like I remember renting The Godfather and The Godfather 2 with like the double VHSs with my mom and that was like,

• 42:02Stavros Halkias?

  one of the most bonding experiences of my, you know, shows you how ungrateful you are. It's like your, my mom did everything for me, but I'm like, one time she got me Domino's and we watched The Godfather. That was the best day of her as a mom. But, so I, I, I kind of have like crime movies are like, they're important to me.

• 42:20Speaker 03

  I mean, Goodfellas is like the, that was like when I saw that movie on VHS when I was whatever, like ten or. When, when my friend got it on VHS, that was like the change, like the like, one of those life-changing moments where you're like, well, movies. I didn't know movies could be like this.

• 42:35Stavros Halkias?

  Fucking cool. Like this is such an interesting, yeah. Goodfellas was a, uh, I mean, yeah, when I got, was getting into Scorsese and stuff, it was. I, I, I have like these eras where I'm making up for lost time because I didn't really, you know, I didn't watch, we weren't really a big movie. Family and we watched a lot of Greek shit and we watched a lot of like, when I was a little kid, we would get like dubbed. All the, all the Disney movies we watched dubbed in Greek.

• 42:58Speaker 03

  Oh, man, I fucking love that.

• 42:59Stavros Halkias?

  Cause my dad was convinced we were moving to Greece every, like every year. He was like, we're going back. Don't get used to being in America. And it was like, it wasn't until I was in like, high school where I really started to love, like I started like. Comedy was really, you know, and Chappelle's Show was big when I was in high school.

• 43:15Speaker 03

  I was, I was, I was in, I was in college at that point. Yeah.

• 43:18Stavros Halkias?

  And then there's the run of the like, um, you know, Will Ferrell movies, I'll be like. Forty Year Old Virgin and Anchorman, that kind of like, and all the way through like, and then the Apatow movies, like. I started having my own stuff and then when I was like, hey, I like these movies, maybe I should go back and see all the other movies I like. So I've had eras where I've gotten back into movies and then.

• 43:35Speaker 03

  Undercover Brother.

• 43:36Stavros Halkias?

  Undercover Brothers are a banger, dude. I do love Undercover Brother. Uh, I was weirdly, I loved Night at the Roxbury. Like that was like, I still, and honestly, I watched it recently. I literally think it holds up.

• 43:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. Some of those, I think some of those movies get shit on a little too much.

• 43:49Stavros Halkias?

  And they don't deserve it, you know?

• 43:52Speaker 03

  Now compared to when there's no comedies made at all, like Naked Gun coming out is like, you're like, oh, thank God there's like, and Friendship, of course, it's like, it's like, thank God that there's like. Two comedy movies in the theaters.

• 44:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, but, but yeah, so I don't know. I, I just find myself being like, and now I'm in a place where I'm, I'm like, let me keep. And then I was like into stand-up so much that I thought, I was like, fuck all other stuff. I gotta learn how to do stand-up. But now I'm kind of in a point in my life where I'm like, I, like, my favorite thing to do is go see a double feature of like, two movies I love, you know what I mean?

• 44:22Speaker 03

  That's what, that's what I thought. I like, I was like, a lot of people would baca that. I was like, six hours at this, like, you're just laying in LA, you wanna come spend six hours at this theater? With like fifty-five year old guys, we're like, the entire movie.

• 44:32Stavros Halkias?

  But there's at least, there's, the other thing about it, ladies, that there's hot film girls. Which does, and I mean, New York has that too, to some extent.

• 44:40Speaker 03

  Which I have never noticed at the theater until I was sitting with you.

• 44:46Speaker 03

  Some lady was like, I listen to your podcast. I was like, what the hell? I've never even like, I've never seen like a woman in most of these screenings. I'm going to like Mad Max screenings at like midnight with like, with like fifty and sixty year old dudes.

• 44:57Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, sure. But anyway, it's, it is cool that, you know, so, and so, yeah, dude, um, who knows, maybe we'll be, we'll be fucking catching these, uh, these fucking double features.

• 45:06Speaker 03

  I would love, the, the vista is fucking, it, it, it rules. I, I, were you, were you not a, were you not like a Simpsons? Did, did you get to watch it ever?

• 45:13Stavros Halkias?

  I loved the Simpsons. No, no, I did. It was the kind of thing that I would go to my friend's house. Shout out to the mysterious and elusive Big P. We don't reveal his identity on this podcast. But I would go to, I would go to his house and that was the gateway for a lot of shit I, you know, he had that friend who was like, like, parents trying to be strict is hilarious, because it's like, they're just gonna do it with their friend.

• 45:32Speaker 03

  Of course, yeah.

• 45:32Stavros Halkias?

  Whose parents don't give a fuck.

• 45:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:34Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? Like, everyone has their trashy friend, whose parents got married too young, who got, you know, their former teen, you know, just smoking cigarettes inside, like, just be like, "Watch whatever the fuck you want, just shut the fuck up!", like, those parents. And it was like, yeah, we're just drinking so much soda, watching like fucking pornography downstairs. He's on like E-bombs world, we're like eleven years old, looking at like, you know, nuns. I won't say what, because we've already said some stuff, it's gonna get demonetized this episode, but, yeah, I mean, so I loved, I mean, I'm a, I was a huge Simpsons, and then, and then what happened was, I don't know if you call it this way, but most, a lot of my comedy education was just reruns, like Seinfeld.

• 46:17Speaker 03

  Sure, yeah.

• 46:17Stavros Halkias?

  You don't watch Seinfeld chronologically, you watch it on, at, you know, four PM, with that weird syndication. And so I watched The Simpsons and Seinfeld, and like, there were these specific, you know, Malcolm in the Middle, like, all these shows.

• 46:30Speaker 03

  And they were just showing, they were showing like the best Simpsons and the best, like, it was like, the, the, they played double episodes and shit like that.

• 46:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, exactly.

• 46:37Speaker 03

  That was, that, this is the thing that makes me feel so old, is like, I remember sitting in front of a TV that had no cable, and like, pushing a button and watching like The Munsters. It makes me feel like I'm like, a fuck, it makes me feel like I'm eighty fucking years old, it's so fu, and,

• 46:52Stavros Halkias?

  I know what you mean, because those fi, the five years they Which is so crucial cuz I remember doing that when I was like five.

• 46:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 46:58Stavros Halkias?

  And it's like, it's, I just missed out on that and, and we only did it cuz we were also poor as fuck like. We had such a shitty TV, um, but, but I know what you mean. It's like you watch those old ass, like the Three Stooges and that kinda shit. There was a little moment of doing that.

• 47:13Speaker 03

  There was, there was, I mean, my parents were, my dad was, he was forty when he had me.

• 47:17Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow.

• 47:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, which explains, he's dead. He's gone now, uh, I loved him, but he was.

• 47:22Stavros Halkias?

  R I P the big man.

• 47:23Speaker 03

  He was a great guy, uh, he, uh, he was, he went to law school in his thirties. My mom and he were both teachers, so he was, he was, they met when they were teachers and then he went to law school.

• 47:33Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that's cool.

• 47:34Speaker 03

  And then we, I had, like, we got.

• 47:35Stavros Halkias?

  Are you the oldest or the youngest?

• 47:36Speaker 03

  I'm, I'm the youngest of two. I have an older sister.

• 47:39Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 47:39Speaker 03

  And then he, so he went to law school.

• 47:42Stavros Halkias?

  Baby boy, the beautiful blonde baby boy.

• 47:43Speaker 03

  I was the beautiful blonde. Which like still my, like even in high school, my mom would be like, my beautiful guy. And I was like, I was like, I fucking look.

• 47:50Stavros Halkias?

  Those days are over. Yeah, wake up sister. That kid is dead. Now stop cock blocking. I wanna go get head of the quarry and drink some beers.

• 48:02Speaker 03

  That is true. I, I, but I, like, my friends, we, we did have a quarry that we would jump in.

• 48:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, hell yeah, dude.

• 48:08Speaker 03

  I would be the guy who was jumping off of, it was called Pussy Peak.

• 48:14Speaker 03

  That would be the thing. I was like doing laps on Pussy Peak.

• 48:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 48:17Speaker 03

  And they had to convince me to like do the bigger ones that I was afraid of.

• 48:20Stavros Halkias?

  That's so funny.

• 48:21Speaker 03

  I feel like I was maybe the, cuz my parents let me watch The Simpsons. Married with Children was like a little dicey. That was, that was the one that they were like a little bit afraid of.

• 48:29Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, of course.

• 48:30Speaker 03

  Conan was, well, Conan was the huge one for me, like watching Late Night with Conan is like what made me be like. I wanna like do that in some way, which I never even figured out when I went, like it was, I went to school for computer science.

• 48:41Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, really?

• 48:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, there is, there is like, there's a weird alt, there's a swinging door for me too.

• 48:46Stavros Halkias?

  Are you good, you're good at that? You're good at math and shit like that?

• 48:48Speaker 03

  I, I mean, probably, I mean, I went into computer science cuz I like liked AOL.

• 48:54Speaker 03

  They wrote code on the board and I was like, I was like, I don't know what the fuck any of this shit means. And then I saw I like was undeclared for forever. And then I was like, oh, like there's the, the park school at Ithaca. I went to Ithaca in upstate New York and the park school was like, oh.

• 49:09Stavros Halkias?

  Road trip.

• 49:10Speaker 03

  Road, I mean, truly why I, truly why I submitted there, I submit, like I applied to 11 schools. And I got into there and UMass Amherst, which like all the, and I got in there for the engineering program and into Ithaca. And I was like, I should like make a change and go up there like, I'm gonna be a new man up there. And then it was just the same thing for four years, of course. When I got up there, but, uh, but that's like there. I was like, oh, you can like actually do this for a living. And then my dad was like, and he was like, I think he always thought I would be a lawyer, but then I, he might, it must've sunk in at some point where he's like, I have like a sloppy dumb son. I don't think he's gonna be, like, my boy's not looking at books ever. I don't think, I don't think, I don't think he's gonna be a lawyer.

• 49:47Stavros Halkias?

  What did your dad teach when he was a teacher? Was he like?

• 49:49Speaker 03

  He taught history. Yeah. And my mom taught English.

• 49:51Stavros Halkias?

  So was he like a studious buttoned up guy or what?

• 49:54Speaker 03

  He was, he was, he was like, uh, like he was very kind of not, everyone loved him and he could be, he could be funny. You know what I mean? But he was, he, he was just a good guy. He was a good guy. Yeah.

• 50:07Stavros Halkias?

  Is like your mom funny or like?

• 50:09Speaker 03

  My mom's, they, they both were like funny.

• 50:11Stavros Halkias?

  They had it in them, but it wasn't like their main thing.

• 50:13Speaker 03

  Yeah. I mean, he'd like say, I remember like, this is, I probably shouldn't say this, but I was like, if I was like next to him at a urinal, he'd like look up, he'd like, he'd look over and be like, look at that little fucking pathetic.

• 50:24Speaker 03

  He'd say shit like that, like, that is funny in hindsight and shit like, but he wasn't like, you know, I, I, he didn't even know that you could like make a living.

• 50:33Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right. It didn't even cross his mind.

• 50:35Speaker 03

  Yeah. It was so different from his world. And then he, he worked up until like the month he died. He had, he died from pancreatic cancer.

• 50:41Stavros Halkias?

  Oh damn.

• 50:42Speaker 03

  But it is fun. He was like, he was like, he was in good shape. Like it was, I would go down in the morning.

• 50:47Stavros Halkias?

  Was he like jag or just like in good shape?

• 50:49Speaker 03

  He was just in good shape. I would go down.

• 50:50Stavros Halkias?

  Wasn't a fat guy?

• 50:51Speaker 03

  He was, he wasn't a fat guy.

• 50:52Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, in my head, I've always just, any story you've told, I've always pictured of just kind of a jovial fat guy.

• 50:57Speaker 03

  No, Whammer, Whammer was, he was in shape. He was, he was, I would go downstairs.

• 51:02Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, okay.

• 51:02Speaker 03

  And at six in the morning and I would be like fucked up or like whatever, like I would like be coming downstairs and he would be doing sit-ups and push-ups like with the news, like news on. And I would just be like, I'd be laying on the couch, just watching him do it.

• 51:16Stavros Halkias?

  His like 20 year old son hung drunk as shit and he's like.

• 51:22Stavros Halkias?

  About to go fight, like, reading briefs and like fucking doing fucking, oh, that's interesting. I just assumed that, cause you hear like, you know, you think like dad, you know, early. I, and I didn't realize it was cancer. I just assumed like fat guy going, you know what I mean?

• 51:36Speaker 03

  He would like spar with me sometimes and truly in like the last month he was alive with stage four pancreato-cancer. He still was just like kicking my ass. He was like beating the shit out of me. And I would be like, I was like, fuck. He's like, still pretty fucking tough.

• 51:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. On his deathbed, you're like, alright, one more round, old man. Mike's time to shine.

• 52:01Stavros Halkias?

  You're like, get the fucking hard things in here. He owes me a sparring session.

• 52:06Speaker 03

  Just a quick jab before they pull the plug? Got you, motherfucker.

• 52:12Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, interesting. So do you think like, so do you think they wanted like, your parents saw a pretty standard? Be a lawyer, like, what do you think they saw for you?

• 52:21Speaker 03

  I think so, but I think that they could have, they couldn't ever, I, I, I would hope that they would have.

• 52:25Stavros Halkias?

  So you're in departure from like what your parent, kinda like your parents in a big way, okay.

• 52:30Speaker 03

  And I, like, I, I, like, when, when did you realize that you could do what you do for, you know what I mean? Like, that to me was like never, I mean, like.

• 52:38Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, during, I mean, I started doing stand up when I was 19.

• 52:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 52:42Stavros Halkias?

  So it was this kind of thing.

• 52:43Speaker 03

  Probably earlier than a lot of people, yeah.

• 52:45Stavros Halkias?

  I think so. I mean, I quit in the middle of, I did it for like a year and a half, two years, and then I quit because I had all this family guilt.

• 52:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 52:52Stavros Halkias?

  And so I took it really seriously for a year and like took school really seriously, whatever, but then I was like, I have to quit. Like, by the time I, by the time I was a senior, I was, I was like, I'm doing stand up. I'm gonna, this is what I'm gonna do.

• 53:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:06Stavros Halkias?

  Um, but it's interesting because I never, as a guy, I think me and my dad are weirdly, in a fucked up way. I mean, we have a very. We have a fucking strange relationship. We were, we were, we, I didn't talk about that for like a decade and now we're trying to get it, you know, we're trying to fix it, whatever.

• 53:23Speaker 03

  I've always pictured you, like older you too, by the way.

• 53:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, well, that's the thing, like me and my dad are pretty similar, just that I think it's similar guys who just grew up in completely different circumstances. Where it's like, he, cause everything, he was really funny, like my dad is a ballbuster, he's like really good at like, he's good at, like he gets riffing, he gets like, uh, and my whole dad's side of the family is, they're ballbusters dude, like they're like, you know, like my aunt is this little obese woman who just, as soon as I come to, as soon as I come to Greece, she's calling me a fat piece of shit. She was like, like I've told this story before, but I hadn't seen this woman for years and the first thing she says to me is like, "You want meatballs, you fat homo?" She's just like, she's just like, I'm off of the plane, the first time I ever come without my family.

• 54:09Stavros Halkias?

  I'm like, you know, a fat 22 year old or whatever, and she's just like, she's like, "You want meatballs, you fat homo?" How about hello?

• 54:18Speaker 03

  What's going on in your grease?

• 54:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and my, and, and my whole family was just like that where they're like, "You're fucking fat." You know, they're making fun of me for being fat, for being a fucking pussy American, whatever. Uh, and so, and my dad used to do like community, they used to have like, they used to do like community theater in, in Baltimore. They had a Greek language community, there's how many, that's how many Greeks there were in the eighties. They would do theater in Greek and he was like, he is a very Gregorian, but, but I also think my dad just like, I'm really lucky that I have my mom who really built me up and like was fucking great. And, and my dad, his parents, it was just a weird set, like there wasn't a lot of ways for him to gain confidence in himself. And so I just, I think he never, we have similar stuff, but he was in much worse circumstances.

• 55:02Stavros Halkias?

  And he just always looked at me as like, he, I was good at standardized tests, I was, I would get good grades. And I think he just saw me as like a pussy bookworm version of himself. And he was like, "You're gonna go make money and get me out of debt?" You know what I mean? And it wasn't like, and so when I told him, I-

• 55:22Speaker 03

  Oh, that's probably the scariest thing in the world for him to hear.

• 55:25Stavros Halkias?

  He hated him when I was, when I went to stand up, like, he was just like, I literally have a phone call where he would call, like there's a specific phone call, I was graduating, uh, college, even though I never, I never technically graduated, that's a whole other story. But the year I was done with col-, the, you know, week I was done with college, I get a phone call and I'm like, hello? And it's just like-

• 55:44Stavros Halkias?

  I'm like, dad, what's up? He's like, your mom tells me you're doing comedy now?

• 55:49Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 55:49Stavros Halkias?

  And I was like, yeah. And he was like,

• 55:54Stavros Halkias?

  hangs up. That's the whole phone call. The whole fucking phone call. And it was like, but I was also the happy, it was, it was interesting because it was just like, there was no, we want something better for our kid, which I think is, that's where my mom came from too. And that's where I think your parents were like, we want a good, stable life for our boy.

• 56:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 56:12Stavros Halkias?

  There was just like this resentment of like, come on, you fucking idiot.

• 56:16Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 56:16Stavros Halkias?

  What I stay in America for if you're just gonna go do stupid comedy? You know, like that was the vibe with my dad.

• 56:21Speaker 03

  Changed his mindset, like you've done very well for yourself.

• 56:24Stavros Halkias?

  Fucking saw me sell out like our, the fucking lyric, I sell out the lyric, which is a, you know,

• 56:30Speaker 03

  In, in, this is Baltimore?

• 56:32Stavros Halkias?

  I sell out our, our big theater like six times.

• 56:35Speaker 03

  That's huge, yeah.

• 56:36Stavros Halkias?

  Coincidentally, my dad wanted to talk about things after that. It's like, when it's something like that, which would, I don't want to get cynical about it, whatever, but it's like, to his credit, he's never been a piece of shit that's like asked for anything. Like I helped my family out. Obviously you'd be a piece of shit to, to make it and not help your family out. But there is like, he's changed his tune when, when it became so obvious I made the right choice.

• 56:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 56:59Stavros Halkias?

  But there were like, I now would go back to Greece and that same family that would roast me would be like, so have you decided to, maybe do something with your degree? Like, you know, not understanding at all.

• 57:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 57:10Stavros Halkias?

  What was going on.

• 57:11Speaker 03

  That's, I mean, he, my, my dad did not, he was, he was definitely nervous about, I think both of them were like, we want you to be happy or whatever. You know what I mean? Like that was like where their head was at. And but my dad, there, there was like the different thing for me is like, he's like, everybody loved him and he was, and I'm sure everyone loved your dad too, but I'm saying like, I'm like, I'm never gonna be like, in my mind, I'm like,

• 57:30Stavros Halkias?

  Your dad was a community fixture, like a beloved community guy.

• 57:33Speaker 03

  Guy, kind of. And I was like, man, I can't, that's a hard thing to live up to. And then the only thing that like, it's funny, after, after he passed away, I remember some guy being like, I used to go to the bar with your dad when he was younger and, uh, uh, he would challenge people and they, they could punch him as hard as they could in the face. And then if he didn't flinch, he'd drink a beer. I was like, wait a minute, what?

• 57:53Speaker 03

  I was like, my dad did this at all in his life?

• 57:55Stavros Halkias?

  Awesome.

• 57:55Speaker 03

  Uh, so I was like, okay, maybe there is hope for me someday to be, be like him. But I think it is like, of course.

• 58:01Stavros Halkias?

  Well, that's interesting though, because it's, it sounds like you just had, like, He was, it's like by being such a good dad who, who did so much, like in your head without realizing he had set up an impossible, like it seemed impossible to you. When in reality, it's like, that's totally possible. You know what I mean? Like, especially, I'm, I'm telling you now, if you look back, it's like all this stuff, you're like, how did he handle it? It's like, you know, just like have a job, you know what I mean? Like, you definitely could have lived up to whatever, you know, what your dad had done. But it's like, when you're young and then it's, I think that's probably compounded with loss, cause it's like, he, he's, he's taken from you to the time where you're, you're pretty young. You don't get to like, learn him as a guy and like grow and like him tell you, you know, I used to get fucked, you know, you, you missed a lot of those stories, that it's like.

• 58:47Speaker 03

  He died when I was like relative, I was like, I was like late twenties when he passed away, yeah.

• 58:50Stavros Halkias?

  That's, that is, that's kinda like when you get to learn, you know, meet your parents as human beings.

• 58:56Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 58:56Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? Cause it's like, in your late twenties, when you first really are who you are, right?

• 59:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, a hundred percent, yes.

• 59:02Stavros Halkias?

  Like college and early twenties have washed away, the, maybe you could argue maybe starting in your mid twenties, but still, it's like, that's really, like I've, even with my mom, who I have a good relationship with. That's when I feel like me and I've started to get her as a human being.

• 59:16Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 59:16Stavros Halkias?

  Instead of just my mom, it's like, that happens when you're like thirty.

• 59:19Speaker 03

  Same, same, same thing. In the last, in my, my mom and I always watch movies, that's how we do, like we bond over that shit now too, but like, my mom was the hard ass when I was growing up. And then, and then she, but she was always, she was always pretty supportive about entertainment stuff and I didn't, I went out here for like a summer semester after I finished. And then they were, I, I was like, I got offered to work on this movie in Denver. That's like the, the, that was like my first showbiz job.

• 59:44Stavros Halkias?

  Like P A ing or something?

• 59:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. It was like an assistant to a producer who asked me for, to suck him off at one point.

• 59:50Stavros Halkias?

  I was going to make a joke about them molesting you and they actually asked you to suck, they actually asked him to suck you off, that's awesome. Fresh out of college.

• 1:00:00Speaker 03

  And also he did ask me to buy a bunch of porno in a, uh, in a bookstore once.

• 1:00:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, oh.

• 1:00:06Speaker 03

  It was like, it was like, it was a bunch of like.

• 1:00:08Stavros Halkias?

  It's like the fat intern sucks dick. You know what I mean? It's like, it's like. Boston boys, first gay experience. It's just like all shit that it directly applies to you.

• 1:00:22Stavros Halkias?

  He's gay, he gives you three very specific titles.

• 1:00:24Speaker 03

  It was, it was, it was, it was, it was a funny stack of magazines, I'll say.

• 1:00:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:29Speaker 03

  And, uh, I did that and then they were kinda like, why don't you like try to do it? And they were like supportive in the way, like I was pretty self-sufficient early on. But my dad was like, here's like a little bit of cash. He did that, you know, he did that every so often. And I was like lucky like that, you know what I mean?

• 1:00:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:44Speaker 03

  I worked like, uh, they, they were good in the way of like they, I was a garbage man one summer.

• 1:00:49Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, hell yeah, dude.

• 1:00:50Speaker 03

  And I would see Tom Bray, I mean, we haven't even talked about how you hate the city of Boston.

• 1:00:55Stavros Halkias?

  We don't have to get into it now, you know what I mean?

• 1:00:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:57Stavros Halkias?

  I do, well, the thing is I don't, I philosophically hate what Boston stands for.

• 1:01:03Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 1:01:03Stavros Halkias?

  And it's mostly sports hate, right?

• 1:01:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:01:05Stavros Halkias?

  Because every, like, I have a lot, like, some of my best friends are from Boston. I hit it off with people from Boston, Bobby Kelly, like my first.

• 1:01:12Speaker 03

  We're so similar, it's like, it's like not, it's just a few, like a few hundred miles.

• 1:01:16Stavros Halkias?

  Well, everything on the east coast is kinda like very, like I think starting from, I do think starting from Baltimore all the way up to Boston, there is a chain of like Boston, New York, Philly.

• 1:01:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:01:27Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? It's like there is like this mid-Atlantic northeast.

• 1:01:29Speaker 03

  We all hate each other and we're all the same.

• 1:01:31Stavros Halkias?

  And we're all pretty much, even Pittsburgh to certain extent, like Baltimore can kinda, you know, react, relate to that kinda shit too. But yes, I mean, it's very similar. I always, I love, I always hit off with people from Boston. It was always when I would go up there, even when I had no sauce whatsoever, like I got, I fucked like, it was when I was like, whoa, it's cool being a road comedian. I was not famous, I wasn't that funny.

• 1:01:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:01:55Stavros Halkias?

  And I got to fuck girls like every time I went to Boston for the first, and I was like, this place rules. I'm eating fried clams, I'm getting pussy.

• 1:02:02Speaker 03

  In like the city lines of, I don't think, I don't think it's possible for me, so I'm glad it works for you.

• 1:02:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, there's something about that type of white trash, you know what I mean? Like, uh, you know, the, it was, it was, it was, people were really getting their lives back together after the, uh, you know, opioid crisis. Um, but I, I fucking, I love, I really do like, and I, you know, spending time. I'm in Boston, I like it, but there is just like-

• 1:02:25Speaker 03

  I was gonna say, you're gonna come up with my, I mean, you'll have a, you'll have a fucking blast.

• 1:02:28Stavros Halkias?

  And we'll be there, we'll be in Boston, uh, the 12th and the 13th, I think, whatever, we'll flash the fucking dates right here. But, well, look, dude, we'll get into all our fucking Boston hate, um, at a different, uh, you know, at a different time. We got, we gotta help the people, Mike, cause part of this- Part of the pod here is, you know, using some of our expertise, and we have Mr. Remo, who you'll never see, you'll never hear his voice, folks. He's filling in for Eldis, who, as we said, is taking a vacation, um, not cleared by me, never asked, just kinda said he was doing it. Um, gotta love it, man. Do you have any experience with Albanians, Mike? Have you ever?

• 1:03:03Speaker 03

  Uh, no, not, not too much.

• 1:03:04Stavros Halkias?

  No, okay.

• 1:03:05Speaker 03

  I'm not, I'm now questioning, I'm like, have I ever met an Albanian?

• 1:03:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:08Speaker 03

  I must have met an Albanian in my life, for sure, yeah.

• 1:03:10Stavros Halkias?

  Who knows?

• 1:03:11Speaker 03

  I mean, I'm from a very Irish, you know, like-

• 1:03:13Stavros Halkias?

  Sure. I don't know that they're in, that they're in the, they're in Boston, honestly. They're in New York, they're in Baltimore, but, anyway, Eldis is, that's why we, we always like to ask. All right, what do we got here, Mo?

• 1:03:29Speaker 05

  Bobby, Elvis, esteemed guests, oh man, that last recording was bad, so I'll get right to it. Uh, I'm bi, I saw this couple for a while, has a unicorn.

• 1:03:41Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 1:03:42Speaker 05

  Uh, they've since divorced, and while I haven't kept on with the guy as much, I've been cordial with the gal.

• 1:03:49Stavros Halkias?

  Cordial, huh?

• 1:03:50Speaker 05

  Uh, I'm also a bartender in a town, I'll redact the name, but it's a sizable town, maybe half a million people.

• 1:03:59Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 1:04:00Speaker 05

  Uh, she's now in this era where she's going on a lot of first dates again, and getting back out there.

• 1:04:08Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 1:04:09Speaker 05

  And they were by no means, you know, not a kinky couple before, but, uh, she's like, kinda kicked it up a notch. And she's kinda started showing up at my bartending job in the evenings. It's-

• 1:04:25Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 1:04:26Speaker 05

  Cool, uh, and she's propositioned me, but-

• 1:04:30Stavros Halkias?

  Nice.

• 1:04:31Speaker 05

  God, the guys she's bringing around are just-

• 1:04:36Speaker 05

  Fugly, she's in that era of just like trying to get as many rebounds and she's propositioning me. And I don't really know how to tell her that that they're just not like even she's hooking up with threes and twos.

• 1:04:53Stavros Halkias?

  Ooh, what's your name?

• 1:04:54Speaker 05

  And her actually kind of like a seven or eight. So, how do I tell her?

• 1:04:59Stavros Halkias?

  Mike, let's get you back out there, man.

• 1:05:00Speaker 05

  Hey, while I appreciate you're in kind of a, you know, Hohen era. I'm not interested in joining any of the guys you've been bringing around.

• 1:05:11Stavros Halkias?

  Mmm.

• 1:05:12Speaker 05

  And to make this kind of more complicated, she's far and away my best tipper. Like fifty percent on her tab. Sometimes the guys pay, most of the guys pay. And they tip well too, but yeah, she's like really bringing it home with tips for me. So, thanks guys, sorry, this is a weird one.

• 1:05:35Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, this is the kind of stuff we live for.

• 1:05:37Speaker 03

  This is great.

• 1:05:37Speaker 05

  Appreciate it.

• 1:05:39Stavros Halkias?

  So, our bisexual bartender, the, his best customer keeps asking him to fuck ugly guys with her.

• 1:05:49Stavros Halkias?

  How to navigate this, very interesting.

• 1:05:53Speaker 03

  I was, I was just sitting here nervous that I like was on a date with this girl.

• 1:06:04Stavros Halkias?

  You're like, oh yeah, I guess I'll let the bartender suck me off. If I get to see, if I get to fuck you.

• 1:06:10Speaker 03

  Which bar?

• 1:06:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:13Stavros Halkias?

  Um, this is very interesting because you would definitely, it sounds like he would fuck her without the guys.

• 1:06:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:06:20Stavros Halkias?

  No question.

• 1:06:21Speaker 03

  It seems like, it seems like he'd like, I feel like he likes her, or like, like.

• 1:06:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, he'd at least smash, there's no problem. I, I think, I think when you're getting, she's in this era, whatever, and yes, I do think you. If you're direct, you risk hurting her feelings to the point where she stops coming around as a regular. But also, she's not asking you a regular, like a normal question. Like, I think when you proposition someone, the fact that your vibe is, nah, I'm good, not like, how dare you, right?

• 1:06:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:06:56Stavros Halkias?

  That's, that's a, you are still providing a service to her. You're providing a guy that the second, the proposition includes another, uh, two people I wanna fuck, I'm down. You're a pretty open-minded, cool guy for that. So I wouldn't, I wouldn't worry about that. I think you're fine being like, ah. You can also throw out like, hey, if you wanna hook up just us, I'm down, but, you know, these guy, this guy, you could be like, I'm just not in the mood. You can even just say, I'm not in the mood for a threesome right now. And that's, you can just be like, I'm kind of in a solo zone. And you could even say straight up, like, maybe if the guy's really hot, or if you bring a, like, then I could break it. But that's, I think you're, that's what you can hide behind, is that you have to be in a specific mood for a threesome. And if you, it's only if the guy's a piece of ass that you're down.

• 1:07:40Speaker 03

  That's.

• 1:07:41Stavros Halkias?

  You know?

• 1:07:41Speaker 03

  I, I don't think you had to worry about your, I don't think you had to worry about the tip side of it at all. Like, I think, I think, I think you're a hundred percent right. It's that sort of thing of like, one, you could do a thing where together, maybe you could talk to her and be like, let's pick out some guy together that we both are like interested in. You guys maybe could like make that a thing. But it does seem like.

• 1:07:58Stavros Halkias?

  Maybe you could bring a guy to her.

• 1:08:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:08:00Stavros Halkias?

  Or a girl, if you wanna go that way too, who knows?

• 1:08:03Speaker 03

  It seems like he is, it seems like he is more, because when he was talking about, she was with a guy before, right? And it seems like he does like this, it seems like he likes this woman quite a bit. So I'm like, I'm like, like, the other guy is gone, and it seems, it seems like he cares about this woman too, but I can't tell if it is just a sort of thing of.

• 1:08:20Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know, I don't know that he like cares about her in terms of like, wants anything more than just fuck.

• 1:08:26Speaker 03

  Okay, yeah.

• 1:08:27Stavros Halkias?

  I think it's like, I think from, the vibe I'm getting is that he, he, he likes her in terms of she's a, she's a friend, she's his best tipper. She's a great customer who he'll get head from. You know what I mean? I don't think he's trying to date this woman.

• 1:08:39Speaker 03

  I just feel like such a dark comedian, be like, I think they're in love.

• 1:08:43Stavros Halkias?

  This is where you have two good parents. This is another element. Like, we really do need to do the like taxonomy of different types of fat guys. Like, it's like, it's like, party animal, non horny. Part, you know, two good parents, party animal horny, one good parent, you know, great mom. And then we have like Gabers who's like, party animal, uh, horny, maybe two weird parents? I don't know, like.

• 1:09:10Speaker 03

  I think I know, I think that is.

• 1:09:11Stavros Halkias?

  You know, like, that's, yeah, we have to, we have to make a list of like, um, anyway. Um, so, yeah, I don't know, dude, I think like, I think you hide behind, I'm not really in the zone. I'm in a place in my life where I'm not really in the zone for a threesome unless it's like, bangers and no disrespect, these guys aren't like my, they're, you know, they're not like, and then you could even, yeah, you could be like, maybe we could pick a guy. Or I think you just let it lie, you're like, you could even just be like, no, I'm not in the zone right now and be like, hey, maybe we could fuck, if you even want that, right? Honestly, the most important thing here is to maintain her as a tipper, I think. Like, that's the most important thing in this guy's life. As a bartender, a woman tipping 50% and she's going on first dates every weekend, it's like, it's pretty good.

• 1:09:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, it seems like this is her spot. Like, it doesn't, and like, also she has a rapport with you no matter what. Like, I really don't think you have to, I don't think like, if you say you're not interested, she's gonna be like, I'm not coming here, I'm not gonna tip you anymore. I don't think that it will happen at all.

• 1:10:05Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly. I think you just have, whatever your response is, don't rock the boat too much because you got a nice thing going and that's good enough. In my opinion.

• 1:10:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, I agree.

• 1:10:15Stavros Halkias?

  But, yeah, good luck, man, that's fun.

• 1:10:16Speaker 03

  God bless the twos and threes that are, that are, are having fun.

• 1:10:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's doing her, yeah, can we, can we, you know, we, we wanna, we wanna buy her a night out at this bar, so, email Eldis with your information and we'll give you like a $200 credit for her. Cause she is doing a service for probably Stavvy's World and Doughboys listeners. I guarantee you, some of the threes, this woman is fucked, listen to one or both of our podcasts.

• 1:10:43Speaker 03

  Keeping, they're keeping a Doughboy shirt on a while, while they have sex.

• 1:10:50Stavros Halkias?

  And I'll tell you this much, the ones that she, even if that's not true, there's plenty of them listening now, they're like, why isn't it me?

• 1:11:00Stavros Halkias?

  Hit us with something else, Mo.

• 1:11:02Speaker 03

  You know, I caught a, I just got to tell you, I caught a pass from Tom Brady, ever tell you that?

• 1:11:06Stavros Halkias?

  Whoa, that's, you did tell me that.

• 1:11:07Speaker 03

  I did, I did brag about this already.

• 1:11:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, what was the, what was the context?

• 1:11:10Speaker 03

  I did a commercial shoot with like, I did like, he did a Funny or Die shoot and I did like a behind the scenes shoot with him and that one other guy, I was in a sketch group, The Birthday Boys, and one of the guys worked at Funny or Die. And he and Brady like did this thing and then I was the extra shoot that day. So like in between takes. I was like going up to him and be like, what's, I'm like a super fan and I was doing that.

• 1:11:32Stavros Halkias?

  And the bit was your super fan?

• 1:11:34Speaker 03

  The bit was I was a super fan and I am a super fan. Like it honestly seemed like he hated me and then I caught the pass where he threw me a pass and I caught it and then I pretended to hump the football and that like changed, he loved me. Brady loved me after that. That's all it took. I was like pretending to fuck the football and then Brady was like, from then on, I was like, bitch.

• 1:11:57Speaker 03

  And his like handler guy was like, dude, Brady wants to sign your jersey.

• 1:12:02Stavros Halkias?

  So you have a sign?

• 1:12:03Speaker 03

  I got a signed Brady jersey.

• 1:12:04Stavros Halkias?

  From humping the football, respect. That's what, that's what happens when you follow your comedic instincts, man.

• 1:12:08Speaker 03

  I had him sign a bunch of shit. He's, he signed, I worked at The Simpsons, which I didn't even tell you. Cause I loved The Simpsons growing up, but I worked there as an assistant to the writers and I was given a basketball that Conan.

• 1:12:18Stavros Halkias?

  Which is different than writer's assistant. That's like, they don't let you in the room, they just make you get shit for them?

• 1:12:25Speaker 03

  That means I'm getting, buying a hundred yogurts like every week.

• 1:12:30Stavros Halkias?

  But hey, man, you're doing it to make Homer happy. Yeah.

• 1:12:33Speaker 03

  There was a basketball that Conan and Greg Daniels and Rich Appel played basketball with and all three of them signed it. And I had Brady sign that basketball.

• 1:12:41Stavros Halkias?

  That's awesome. That's fucking awesome. And how many people of those was on the Epstein's flight log?

• 1:12:47Speaker 03

  Just me.

• 1:12:47Stavros Halkias?

  Just you?

• 1:12:51Stavros Halkias?

  It sounds like, yeah, but it's okay. You're cleared now, dude.

• 1:12:54Speaker 03

  I never went to the island, it was just like, convenient.

• 1:12:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you just caught, yeah, yeah, somebody just caught like a leg, like they had a layover and they're like, I'll just take Epstein's jet from, uh, from Boston to, you know, Florida. I never got to the island. I was just, I was just getting to Tampa.

• 1:13:12Stavros Halkias?

  What else we got, Mo?

• 1:13:14Speaker 03

  That's like.

• 1:13:16Speaker 03

  My Italian friends.

• 1:13:21Speaker 06

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• 1:14:05Speaker 06

  or color changes in fingers and toes. Common side effect is nausea. For full prescribing information, call 1-833-4-NURTC or visit Nurtac.com. All right, back to your podcast, playlist, or whatever's keeping you going today.

• 1:14:21Speaker 00

  What kind of day is it? It's a White Claw day. Grab a pack, grab your friends. Everything else in life can wait. Your friends shouldn't. Let's go. White Claw. Grab life by the claw. Please drink responsibly. Heart's also with flavors. White Claw's also works, Chicago, Illinois.

• 1:14:36Speaker 07

  Bobby, a big fan. Sorry, kind of awkward, because this is a weird story, and I haven't had a chance to discuss with people around me. But I figured I'd ask some advice from you. But I'm 24 years old, and I currently work as a caretaker for an elderly man whom I met on a sugar daddy website.

• 1:14:57Stavros Halkias?

  Whoa.

• 1:14:58Speaker 07

  You can call it sex work if you want, but this guy is very physically weak. His mental health isn't great either. You know, he's 80 years old. He doesn't leave his house. He's also, you know, he's kind of obese for his age, over 230 pounds. He doesn't get out of his recliner. The whole day. He can't get out without his walker. Pretty much pays me to give him flowers and uh show him physical love like kissing, hugging, touching. I mean, of course, his body is so weak, his penis doesn't work, so I don't consider it sex work in that way. I do genuinely use this job as a caretaker because that is what I'm doing.

• 1:15:41Speaker 07

  And I put like anti fungus cream on spots he can't reach and he has cellulitis on his legs.

• 1:15:46Stavros Halkias?

  Good god.

• 1:15:47Speaker 07

  He's not able to reach his legs or even feel his legs, so I have to put, you know, like white man and oils on his legs every day. And he's also deaf, so I, someone's gotta change his hearing aids from time to time. But just cut to the chase, this guy is pretty much in love with me and wants to marry me. And I've made it clear to him that I'm really only there for the money that he pays me every week.

• 1:16:11Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 1:16:12Speaker 07

  I mean, that's what was made clear from the start, I'm looking for a surfer daddy to take care of.

• 1:16:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:17Speaker 07

  So he gives me money and I also never asked him about his will or anything about what I get when he's gone. If anything, he brings it up to me and asks what I want and every time he asks me, I just tell him that I just wanna save my money and I'm good with the arrangement that we already have now. But, I mean, if he wants to marry me, I, I feel like I have nothing to lose if I marry him. And I know I'm pretty young, but I've got the time and energy for it and um.

• 1:16:48Stavros Halkias?

  Fucking awesome.

• 1:16:49Speaker 07

  He doesn't have much time left, so if I just go for it, thanks.

• 1:16:53Stavros Halkias?

  Dude, what a turn of like, hey, I've made it very clear, I've made my boundaries very clear. Now, I don't see the downside in marrying him.

• 1:17:02Speaker 03

  I couldn't believe.

• 1:17:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that was an awesome twist, that was an awesome twist.

• 1:17:06Speaker 03

  By the way, besides eight years old, she was just describing me.

• 1:17:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, weak, penis doesn't work, yeah, yeah, mental illness.

• 1:17:14Speaker 03

  Cellulitis, fungus blood, I was like, this is everything that she's describing, like can't touch his toes.

• 1:17:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, except he's, he weighs less than both of us.

• 1:17:23Speaker 03

  Did she say two thirty?

• 1:17:24Stavros Halkias?

  Two thirty, two forty, something like that.

• 1:17:26Speaker 03

  Oh my god.

• 1:17:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, but you know, no muscle, um, yeah, you know, he's got a lot going, you know. I'd, you know, if I, if I was young, I would rather weigh like three hundred, like that's actually a much healthier age. Um, this is fascinating because I don't, I kinda see where she's coming from.

• 1:17:47Speaker 03

  Oh, I don't.

• 1:17:50Speaker 03

  You and I, this is maybe getting the vibe here.

• 1:17:54Stavros Halkias?

  This is, this is really, cause love and marriage means, marriage means something to you that this means, does not mean to me.

• 1:17:59Speaker 03

  Cardinal law didn't even break it still. There's, I'm holding on, I'm grasping on to some sort of thing.

• 1:18:04Stavros Halkias?

  That is so funny too. A cardinal that covered for child molesters was at your confirmation. Like, there's no more symbolic, you shouldn't believe in this institution. It's, it's like, that you could go through.

• 1:18:18Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:18:19Stavros Halkias?

  And you still like, well, marriage is between two people that love each other, whatever the church tells us.

• 1:18:26Speaker 03

  She, she, I mean, I, I like the idea of you, look, I think she's a hundred percent doing a service for this man who is.

• 1:18:33Stavros Halkias?

  And I hope he's paying you a nice amount.

• 1:18:35Speaker 03

  Yes, yeah, I hope, I hope he's paying a lot, but he, he like, he seems lonely. She's doing a good service for this guy. So I feel like, if, and if he's, if he doesn't want to be lonely, I mean, it just is all of the other side of it, of being married to him and I don't know if he has any family or like when he will pass away. It seems like he's not in great health. Like, that seems like a lot of stuff.

• 1:18:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, I mean, and by her luck, this motherfucker holds on 15 more years. It's like you get married and then he's just like around.

• 1:19:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:19:04Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, like, I guess where, what I see it from is a purely business, like, you know, who fuck, it's like the Anna Nicole Smith pictures with that guy. I see that, I'm like.

• 1:19:14Speaker 03

  He seemed happy. I mean, he did seem, yeah, he's happy, yeah.

• 1:19:17Stavros Halkias?

  That's the thing, but, but here's the thing though. You don't, I think you've actually done a great job in being really honest and open here. And like, being like, hey, we met on a sugar daddy website. I'm not above, this is what I want to do. I'm not saying I'm not above, I'm above this, but it's like, we have a specific. And you could even say, like, look, people get written into wills for less than what you're doing all the time.

• 1:19:41Speaker 03

  That's also true.

• 1:19:42Stavros Halkias?

  Right? So you could be like, look, if you want to take care, like, look, I'll be here as a caretaker, as a very specific kind of caretaker. Cause here's the other thing. He is lucky to have found you.

• 1:19:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:19:51Stavros Halkias?

  Right? Like, there's not, they, like, not a lot of people are like.

• 1:19:58Stavros Halkias?

  Like, there's women who are on the Sugar Daddy website, they will hear this and be like, can I just suck him off? You know, like, that's, if I were you, I'd be like, let me just fuck you. I don't want to fucking put ointment on your sh- Like, to me, it's way more gross to put fucking ointment on him than to just suck him off a couple times, right? You actually are providing a service that I think might be harder, like a hot nurse that like gives you kisses, tells you you're a sexy old man and like your dick doesn't work anyway, so you're providing kind of a love to him and caretaking, like, that's two separate jobs. You're two, you're a fucking two for one right here. You are a special person in this guy's life.

• 1:20:38Stavros Halkias?

  You do kinda, in my opinion, you don't, it's not crazy to be in his will, especially if he doesn't have other people. So you could say, look, I like our, I like our situation, I'm happy to do this work. It is a job to me, I want you to understand that, but it's like, but, if you wanted, if you want to take care of me after you're gone, if you want to put me, I, you could, we can do that. But this is our relationship, if you want to, if you want to give me something in the will, that I would really appreciate, you could even say that, I'd really appreciate it, but this is what our dynamic is. Because as much as I see the like, you know, whatever, just get married and then you got the bag for your life, like, even if this is ten, even in worst case scenario, it's like ten year, fif- fifteen, it starts to get tough. Ten years though, you're thirty-four and a million, it's like, how much money does this guy have, number one?

• 1:21:24Stavros Halkias?

  Ten years, if you're thirty-four and you're a fucking multi, you never have to work again in your life? That ain't so bad, right? But, to be a little Mitch-ish right here, you know, I guess you shouldn't have to give away your prime youth to some rich guy, like, because you, because that's how bad, you know, the world is financially, so I say keep doing this job as long as you're comfortable with it, but I don't know, you know, and you can say-

• 1:21:51Speaker 03

  Is that, is the marriage thing, is that, is it gonna be a thing of like, I am your, like, would, are you still dating in that scenario?

• 1:21:58Stavros Halkias?

  Right, do you get the fuck other guys, like, what's, what about you, what you want? And I think ma, it sounds like this girl is very like- She's about her shit, like she seems very ethical about this whole thing where if she agrees to being in a monogamous relationship, she sounds the kind of person who would stay like that.

• 1:22:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:22:14Stavros Halkias?

  I don't think you need to do that. You're young, like, and this is the other thing, this is how fucked up, this is how fucked up inequality is. The fact that this girl even has to think about this. The fact that you have to do this, like, just a guy, even if you don't despise him, it's like, this, you're fucking 24. To make ends meet, you have to rub cream on some old guy's dick. It's like, you don't really deserve, like, you don't deserve to also marry him. You're gonna give that away too. It's like, and, and again, I get it, life is a nightmare, you might be supporting other people, whatever. You're in a good enough middle ground here where you could say, look, I like doing this, it's fine, but I don't, I'm, I don't want to romance, I wanna keep, you know, I wanna see other people, whatever. If you wanna put me in the will, great, but, you know,

• 1:22:59Stavros Halkias?

  I think there is ultimately, as much of a cynic as I am,

• 1:23:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:23:03Stavros Halkias?

  I think you are right and be like, marriage is, in theory, now, look, if you have some kind of weird thing where he's like, I don't, fuck whoever you want.

• 1:23:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:23:11Stavros Halkias?

  Just be, if it's like some kind of weird Donald, non-racist Donald Sterling situation, where he's like, you let guys fuck you, but, you know, you still have to come here and sleep here, whatever. That's possible, but, I don't know, dude. At the end of the day, I don't know that it's that necessary.

• 1:23:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think you have to, you just, like you're saying, you have to make yourself be happy, whatever that, and the ointment side of it sounds not happy. It sounds horrible. And I, and I get that you have to, yeah, it's, it's that shitty thing about life, like, this is, you're making money off of this and it, and it, and it seems like it's going well, but like, will you be happy in that scenario? And that's the only question you have to ask yourself and, and, I don't know, it's a, it's a tough, it's a tough, it's a tough one.

• 1:23:51Stavros Halkias?

  It's brutal. Don't do it.

• 1:23:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, don't.

• 1:23:53Stavros Halkias?

  And this is, this is really the like, You know, in terms of how our society is, both these people, their story is sad.

• 1:24:01Speaker 03

  Yes, yeah.

• 1:24:01Stavros Halkias?

  Like, this guy has clearly worked, like, that's the thing, it's like, nobody should feel, you know, uh, sorry for fucking billionaires, whatever, but there is a loneliness to like, you work so hard that you have no one in your life to take care of you. He doesn't have kids, he doesn't have anything, he has to go on a sugar baby website?

• 1:24:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:24:19Stavros Halkias?

  To find someone to change his fucking diapers? How, you think he doesn't regret? You don't think he'd be better off having half as much money but a loving family?

• 1:24:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:24:27Stavros Halkias?

  And this girl, it's like, inequality is so bad that a 24-year-old has to be a fucking unregistered sex worker nurse?

• 1:24:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:24:34Stavros Halkias?

  To make ends meet, it's like, this is fucked up for both of them. This is how fucked up our current system is, it's just insane. How like, how much inequality and like, you know, how bad capitalism has gotten where it's like, no one is fucking doing well, except absolutely, except, you know, fucking ghoul like Jeff Bezos, who can't pay his fucking workers but has a $50 million wedding in Venice or whatever the fuck.

• 1:24:55Speaker 03

  And does a great job with the Amazon streaming service.

• 1:24:57Stavros Halkias?

  Except, yeah, and check out Tomorrow War on the Amazon streaming service.

• 1:25:06Stavros Halkias?

  Let's just say I canvassed the market for stand-up specials and I feel a little better about shit-talking Amazon Prime right now.

• 1:25:13Speaker 03

  They're all fucking, fucking Sarandos, and Netflix sucks.

• 1:25:16Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, it's just like, it's like, it is true, it's like, inequality in any way, shape, or like, having this many billionaires is just fucked up. Like, no one needs the kind of money where like, when you get to the point where it's just a number on a fucking screen?

• 1:25:30Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:25:31Stavros Halkias?

  And you're willing to ruin other people's lives, so that a number that does not affect your life goes up, you're a piece of shit, there's no way around that. You know what I mean?

• 1:25:40Speaker 03

  Tech guys being like, we get art now too, like, we get to be in charge of art now.

• 1:25:43Stavros Halkias?

  No you don't.

• 1:25:44Speaker 03

  You don't get to, you can't.

• 1:25:45Stavros Halkias?

  You have fucking bad taste.

• 1:25:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, awful fucking taste.

• 1:25:47Stavros Halkias?

  That's the whole thing, and, and... We got, the only thing we, and like, culture compared to like, the actual levers of power, we don't have much, right?

• 1:25:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:25:57Stavros Halkias?

  We really can't affect things that much. All we can do is not allow these guys to be cool. That's all we can do, guys. So stop with this fucking bullshit. Stop doing AI fucking art. It sucks. It sucks dick. It's not, it all is the same. It's not that creative. It's like, well, you need to see a fucking guy. Oh, look, it's a guy I know, but he's a fucking baby. Who cares?

• 1:26:18Speaker 03

  That's-

• 1:26:19Stavros Halkias?

  Who gives a fuck about Bobby Lee as a baby? Don't do that to this podcast. I know we look cute. We're both fat. We're both cute babies.

• 1:26:27Speaker 03

  I kinda do wanna see the baby version of us. Just do the last one.

• 1:26:31Stavros Halkias?

  I'll show you the real baby pictures. But we don't need this bullshit. Anyway, whatever. It's just like, it sucks. And so, good luck. Don't get married. Keep fucking making your bag in a way that makes you comfortable, but don't sell even, you know, matrimony, not to get, you know.

• 1:26:47Speaker 03

  Look, some of the AI stuff, like, turning Lois Griffin from a cartoon into like a, like a big teenage lady.

• 1:26:51Stavros Halkias?

  To your girlfriend that will fuck you. And once we get that, I'm in. Yeah, yeah. Turning Lois, giving Lois a wet, dripping pussy. That I can get behind, but that's it.

• 1:27:04Stavros Halkias?

  Saying, "You're so handsome, Stavros." Getting Lois's name, then getting Lois's voice, to say you're a big boy and your dick's not that small. That's okay, but everything else has to stop.

• 1:27:18Speaker 03

  That's fine.

• 1:27:19Stavros Halkias?

  No, what we need is sexy redheads with big tits, learning how to do Lois's voice. We're stealing, there's a girl on OnlyFans. That was her job. She used to do JOIs in Lois's voice, and we've taken the money out of her fucking pocket with these fucking pieces of shit.

• 1:27:34Speaker 03

  It's sad. It's a, it is a fucking, it's a bummer. If you look at MyForYou on Instagram, it's like all, it is just like Marge and Lois, like coming to life. That's all it is, it's those AI videos.

• 1:27:45Stavros Halkias?

  That's so fucking funny. Mine are still just, mine are still just flesh and blood, big titted women.

• 1:27:50Speaker 03

  That's how you see, you see so many clearly AI, this, speaking of the loneliness thing, you'll see like, an eighty year old, big titted grandma.

• 1:27:58Stavros Halkias?

  Oh dude, I've seen those, those are awesome.

• 1:28:00Speaker 03

  And it's also so, it's so clearly fake.

• 1:28:02Stavros Halkias?

  Sorry, I'm trying to find my for you page, keep talking.

• 1:28:05Speaker 03

  It's so clearly fake that you're like, and then you just look at the comments and it's just all these old guys being like, "Looking good", and you're like, "Oh god, this is like, it's just gonna get worse."

• 1:28:14Stavros Halkias?

  It's gonna get so much worse.

• 1:28:15Speaker 03

  If we make it to eighty, knock on wood.

• 1:28:17Stavros Halkias?

  Oh dude, yeah, they're gonna have shit that's like, and I'm, I'm alright, here's how, how effective it is, I'm just looking at girls tits right now, just, I'm in the middle of a podcast. And they've, dude, they, what's really, what's really, yeah.

• 1:28:31Speaker 03

  Look at, look at my for you page and then look, just look at it all and then look at the left corner here.

• 1:28:36Stavros Halkias?

  That's incredible.

• 1:28:40Speaker 03

  It's an incredible, it's the incredible mom lady coming to life.

• 1:28:46Stavros Halkias?

  There's a lot of that. There's Peter, there's Peter with, anyway, with a sexy Latina.

• 1:28:51Speaker 03

  AI fucking sucks shit, it's horrible.

• 1:28:53Stavros Halkias?

  It is horrible, it is fucking horrible.

• 1:28:54Speaker 03

  People now have like, there's nothing to lose and people are like, there is like now a final turn and I've seen so many people, like I told you, like Bugman and a couple other people who are like, Armin, who are like making their own, just making their own shit, and it's like doing well, you know what I mean? Like, that's like, and that's exciting shit to me.

• 1:29:11Stavros Halkias?

  I really, I mean, I, I, and I might be wrong, but I do think that we are in a, in a place where, I hope we're gonna get entertainment that's like, um, like, like, especially in film, that's kinda like, we're gonna have an indie revolution, I hope.

• 1:29:28Speaker 03

  Like the seventies or nineties?

• 1:29:29Stavros Halkias?

  Seventies and nineties, I think we're due for that because like, I think because they've made it so hard to make good stuff, right? Because there's no money anywhere.

• 1:29:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:29:38Stavros Halkias?

  Like creative people have to, have to be so good.

• 1:29:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:29:42Stavros Halkias?

  So good, with a limited budget that like, writing, vision, acting, that has to be good, so good that it breaks through.

• 1:29:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:29:51Stavros Halkias?

  We have to, we're gonna take our lumps, maybe for a couple more years, and it might not even be us. Unfortunately, we might get fucked. It might be the kids after us, but I do think, knock on wood, we'll get that, but that might just not be it either.

• 1:30:02Speaker 03

  They call him as like the sixty year old guy they put in their movie or whatever too.

• 1:30:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 1:30:07Speaker 03

  Also, your show, like, your Netflix show is an example of that.

• 1:30:09Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely.

• 1:30:10Speaker 03

  You know what I mean?

• 1:30:11Stavros Halkias?

  Shane paid for that himself. He was like, I believe in this, I'm gonna put up my own fucking money, and you know, they let us do that, and then, you know, season one was good, but season two, they actually gave us a writer, you know, John McKeever and Gerben, they gave him a fucking real writers' room, they, they actually, we got to do it for real, and you see, and they gave us some real actors, Thomas Hating Church, we both, who we've both worked with.

• 1:30:34Speaker 03

  I fucking love that guy.

• 1:30:35Stavros Halkias?

  He's fucking awesome, he's so, so great, it was so cool to be like, we're just a bunch of comedians, and it's like, you let us actually, you give us a budget, you give us some time, you give us real actors to play off of.

• 1:30:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:30:45Stavros Halkias?

  And it, everything got elevated, and I do hope, and look, Shane is a fucking, he's selling out arenas, like, it's crazy that it takes that, somebody that famous and that talented to get a shot like that.

• 1:30:56Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 1:30:56Stavros Halkias?

  But I hope, they will see that from that, you get guy, people that are less famous, you know, there, you know, I, there's um, a, a movie that looked like, the eight twenty fours got a movie that looks really interesting, I think, Sorry Baby, that uh,

• 1:31:09Speaker 03

  Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:31:10Stavros Halkias?

  What, what's their name? What's the, the person who did that? I don't, but I saw a trailer for that, it looked fucking incredible, um, uh.

• 1:31:17Speaker 03

  Oh, right, yeah.

• 1:31:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:18Speaker 03

  It's, it's, it's, it's.

• 1:31:20Stavros Halkias?

  Eva Victor?

• 1:31:21Speaker 03

  It was playing.

• 1:31:21Stavros Halkias?

  She directed and she's in it, or they, I think they, I'm sorry, I don't, I don't, I don't know, I saw, I think I saw a, uh, uh, an interview, but it was just like, I didn't know anything about this movie, and it's clearly a super personal story, and just the trailer seemed good, but it's like, you know, they let me make a fucking movie, you know what I mean? Like, and mine was seven hundred fifty whatever, but it's like, I hope that we're gonna, and like you said, your, your friends are making shit and so.

• 1:31:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, Armin and Nick, Armin, Armin Weisman, Nick Corasi made a movie in 10 days. And then, I don't know if I can even say what, but like it's gotten a lot of good, like stuff is coming from. And I'm like, good for those, it's fucking awesome, I love it.

• 1:31:59Stavros Halkias?

  So, anyway, go make stuff. If you need to wipe some lotion to save up, to make, to like, fund your life and then, you know, find a, a more fulfilling life later, that's good, but it's like.

• 1:32:11Speaker 03

  That's the tough thing, it's like, I can't tell this person to not, like, not make money that they make, you know what I mean? Like, like you're 24 years old, you're very, you're very young, you like, there's a lot of life ahead of you and just do what will make you happy. And like, that is, that is a tough, that's a tough situation to be in.

• 1:32:27Stavros Halkias?

  Totally, totally, yeah.

• 1:32:28Speaker 03

  And you're right, it is too, it's, it's a sad.

• 1:32:31Stavros Halkias?

  On either end, it's like, and even these people, I, I really don't have empathy for the super rich because they are ruining people's lives for ego reasons or. Because they've, everything is so empty, that it's like, you know, they're soaking the middle class and trying to pretend it's for other reasons. But, I wouldn't trade places with them, you know what I mean? Like, I really, it's crazy to say that, you wouldn't. You have a loving family of all this shit, it's like, and legit, part of me is also scared because I'm like, if you just keep chase, I've been very lucky. But I also see a path where it's like, all I care about is keep getting successful and forget everything else. And I'll be this fucking guy, I'll be fucking 80 being like, you're my wife, I love you, to some hot 24 year olds like, just please, don't go. I can't, I can't.

• 1:33:16Speaker 03

  Jack me off with some ointment.

• 1:33:18Stavros Halkias?

  Please, jack me off, I won't even know the difference, just tell me I came, I'll believe you. Anyway.

• 1:33:25Speaker 03

  You will not, you will not be that, I won't.

• 1:33:27Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, hopefully, hopefully not.

• 1:33:29Speaker 03

  I'll, I'll pull a fucking, one flew over, it's like.

• 1:33:36Stavros Halkias?

  Hit us with another one, Big Mo. Yeah, I really don't want to be that guy.

• 1:33:41Speaker 03

  By the way, when I was referencing Italians, my Italian buddies from back home were always like, "What's going on out there in Hollywood, Mikey?"

• 1:33:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:33:49Speaker 03

  My full-blooded Italian buddies were like, "What's going on?"

• 1:33:51Stavros Halkias?

  They making you do gay shit yet?

• 1:33:54Stavros Halkias?

  How'd you get on Twister Metal? You have to suck the clown's dick? The clown make you suck his dick in the ice cream truck, Mike? You could tell us. We'll find him. They think he's real. We'll find him. We'll fuck up every guy in an ice cream truck till we find that fucking clown who made you suck him off.

• 1:34:10Speaker 03

  I made that choice on my own, damn it. No one forced me to do it.

• 1:34:13Stavros Halkias?

  We're two grown adults. We hit it off.

• 1:34:19Stavros Halkias?

  You know, he's a really sweet guy when you get to know him.

• 1:34:23Stavros Halkias?

  Alright, what else we got?

• 1:34:27Speaker 08

  Hey, Bobby. Uh, first time, long time. I had a question about parents in social media. Um, so my fiance's dad just got an Instagram.

• 1:34:37Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 1:34:37Speaker 08

  And I wouldn't have added him if it weren't for the fact that he brought it up on the phone. And I couldn't just be like, "Dude, I'm not gonna follow you. I'm not gonna let you follow me." Uh, but now that he is, anytime I post anything, he's always just like saying, "Nice pics," or "Cool shot." Uh, these are really generic messages to every story I post.

• 1:35:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:35:00Speaker 08

  Um, every actual tile I post on my Instagram.

• 1:35:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I know.

• 1:35:05Speaker 08

  I know I could just do close friends, um, but I recognize that he's really trying to reach out. And, you know, we don't really talk, um, very often. They live, uh, you know, in different states and different cities, so we don't get to see each other that often either. And I kind of want to, I don't know, uh, respond appropriately, but I actually don't know what to say to these messages or what he's trying to convey. Um, and so what I'm asking for is, give me tips on how to reply to a, a future father-in-law that's maybe, uh, replying to every single one of my stories with a real boomerang message of looking for any sweet responses.

• 1:35:47Speaker 08

  Or maybe ways I should think about this and maybe even tackle it, uh, since it's obviously making me feel weird. Um, thanks. Love you. Bye.

• 1:35:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:35:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:35:58Stavros Halkias?

  This is hard because it's like, yes, he doesn't mean any, he's actually trying to be nice and.

• 1:36:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:36:03Stavros Halkias?

  It's like how my mom uses Instagram. She has no idea.

• 1:36:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:36:06Stavros Halkias?

  And it's like she, and he responds to everything you say, it's because he follows seven people.

• 1:36:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:36:11Stavros Halkias?

  He follows like everyone in your family, like Wolf Blitzer or some bullshit. Just some guy.

• 1:36:16Speaker 03

  And he's probably replying to Wolf Blitzer's stories in the same way.

• 1:36:19Stavros Halkias?

  Good one Wolf. Get him. Get those extreme liberal Muslims. And get, you know what I mean? Like, like, yeah, it's like.

• 1:36:28Speaker 03

  Just saw you in Mission Impossible.

• 1:36:31Speaker 03

  You're talking out of the park. This is, this is, this is a, this is a fun one.

• 1:36:35Stavros Halkias?

  It's fun. It's cute. It's cute. Um, but it is interesting, like, well, first of all, it's on your husband or future husband to talk to his dad about his Instagram use.

• 1:36:46Speaker 03

  Yes, that's true. Yeah.

• 1:36:47Stavros Halkias?

  Like, like if, if, uh, in the, you know, if my mom was acting up, I wouldn't tell my girlfriend to be like, you should talk to my mom and tell her to stop commenting on your shit. I'd be like, ma, stop fucking commenting.

• 1:37:00Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:37:00Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? Like, or you're, or you're overdoing it or just like, just give it a like. You don't have to comment on everything.

• 1:37:05Speaker 03

  And if, if, and if he's like, oh, like, what, did she say something about it? Just have your boyfriend be like, no, I noticed. I saw it.

• 1:37:13Stavros Halkias?

  I saw it and it's just like, you don't have to comment on everything. Like,

• 1:37:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:37:16Stavros Halkias?

  That's not how people use Instagram. Cause I think they don't know the etiquette.

• 1:37:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:37:20Stavros Halkias?

  Right? Like they, they're just like, they think it's, they think you texted them essentially.

• 1:37:25Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:37:26Stavros Halkias?

  They were responding. Every time you post something, it's like, it's like they, you're like, oh, they just sent me a picture. It's like, great picture.

• 1:37:33Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:37:34Stavros Halkias?

  You know, looking great Sally.

• 1:37:37Speaker 03

  That's, that's where my, like, I'm like, if you wrote back and were just like, oh my God, I missed so many messages. I'm so sorry. Which is probably just Instagram, like, I don't look at my Instagram inbox like it's email or whatever. So you're just like, I missed all these messages. I'm sorry. He might not even reply to that message. He just might reply to a story later and you'll know like, oh, he just doesn't. He's just replying to anything he sees.

• 1:37:58Stavros Halkias?

  But I also think ultimately. This is harmless.

• 1:38:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:38:03Stavros Halkias?

  And like.

• 1:38:04Speaker 03

  If it's not horny in any way, like that's what I was afraid, that's what I was afraid of.

• 1:38:06Stavros Halkias?

  I don't think it's horny. I don't think, if it's horny, there's an easier solution. I don't think that's horny. I think it's just purely, um, he's just like, he's over, honestly, if to read between the lines, she's just embarrassed that her father-in-law comments on every post.

• 1:38:22Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:38:23Stavros Halkias?

  She's just embarrassed that like, people that don't know her very well just see some old guy being like, cool shot.

• 1:38:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:38:30Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? It's like, look, I hate to break it to you, this is part of getting married.

• 1:38:33Speaker 03

  I mean, a hundred percent.

• 1:38:34Stavros Halkias?

  You're washed.

• 1:38:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:38:35Stavros Halkias?

  This is, you're getting washed, bro. That's, this is what you're signing up for. This is part of life. And so, I don't know.

• 1:38:41Speaker 03

  Your in-laws are gonna be fucking annoying. That's like, that is it.

• 1:38:46Stavros Halkias?

  So I think you just have to live with him being a constant presence. And just say to your, and now look, if you wanted to get diabolical with it, you could restrict him.

• 1:38:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:38:57Stavros Halkias?

  Because that way, other people don't see it. But you could also, but you could occasionally unrestrict and like, like, or you could like it, or you could, or you could reply to him only in DMs, so it doesn't look like, but I think occasionally hitting him with a thanks mark,

• 1:39:14Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:39:15Stavros Halkias?

  exclamation point is not the end of the world.

• 1:39:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:39:17Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean?

• 1:39:18Speaker 03

  That maybe feels like the, feels like the, like liking what he's, I mean, if, if, if it doesn't bother, if what he's saying doesn't bother you.

• 1:39:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, hit it with a heart.

• 1:39:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:39:26Stavros Halkias?

  And move on and just realize that, yes, this part of getting married, you're fucking, now, you know, it could be worse. These could be horny ones. It's like, you didn't, look, you didn't get the best case scenario, which is they don't hit you up at all on social media. But you didn't get the worst case, which is they're weird, they're weird, or they're getting political, or they're like, but in some ways, this is the worst one because he's just annoying enough that you can never call him out on it.

• 1:39:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:39:51Stavros Halkias?

  But if he ever started saying it, you almost have to goad him into a political discussion. You almost have to be like, you know, you almost have to like, you put like, free Palestine, and if he's a Zionist and hoping to like, goad him into an argument, and then you'd be like, alright, great, he's fucking, now I get to.

• 1:40:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, you don't wanna start, you don't wanna start.

• 1:40:08Stavros Halkias?

  But you don't wanna, but you don't wanna do that. You don't wanna do that, right? You want, like, you wanna just not listen to him at all. Like, if, if you have political differences with an in-law, you wanna ignore that, cause it's like, so basically, you don't wanna rock the boat. You just wanna do that. And if it's anyone's job, it's your fiance to tell, to tell him like, hey. Dial it back a little bit. You can just like things, you know, make a rule where you only comment every three pictures or something.

• 1:40:33Speaker 03

  I was gonna say the restriction thing is maybe not a bad idea, but like is she one of the, like you said, like one of the seven people, put him on the restriction list with my Instagram. It's me and the dad.

• 1:40:45Speaker 03

  But like, put him, put him, put him, put him on there and like, but if he's one of seven people that he, if you're one of seven people he follows, he will, he, he, he will notice.

• 1:40:56Stavros Halkias?

  And also he'll be able to tell if like, uh, other people aren't seeing his comments.

• 1:41:02Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:41:02Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? Like he could be on his wife's Instagram and be like, hey, my comment's not showing up.

• 1:41:06Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:41:07Stavros Halkias?

  So it's like, you don't want to start playing these mind games. You don't have to start worrying this much. You just have to stop. I think the, the subtext here is you still, you're a little worried about your Instagram being cool. Sorry, man. This is part of, this is part of fucking growing up.

• 1:41:21Speaker 03

  That's, that's the best advice of all is never let Instagram drama.

• 1:41:25Stavros Halkias?

  Effect actual life.

• 1:41:27Speaker 03

  Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know that that's like, put your phones away, man. And I know it is like, like when I'm posting anything.

• 1:41:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, don't let that shit fucking bother you, you fucking bitch.

• 1:41:38Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, fuck, are we doing a podcast?

• 1:41:42Speaker 03

  The Cleveland Show coming to life in AI.

• 1:41:44Stavros Halkias?

  I'm literally texting somebody back right now. I make the joke and I'm just like.

• 1:41:47Speaker 03

  You did see something that caught your.

• 1:41:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, I can't, you can't, I've spent so much time like being like, I gotta post this thing for work or whatever. And it does just put me to a place where I'm like, I just hate, I hate Instagram and it is, it is just a worthless thing in the end. So, you know, your, your in-laws posting embarrassing stuff every so often. Who gives a shit really? Not, not to, not to dismiss the issue, but.

• 1:42:13Stavros Halkias?

  But it's a tough, this is part of growing up, babe.

• 1:42:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:42:16Stavros Halkias?

  And yeah, just like, you know, maybe have your, have your husband talk to him if it really is, if it's getting way too annoying, but hit the man with a like, hit him with an occasional thanks, whatever. That's it. He has to figure out that's how Instagram works.

• 1:42:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:42:31Stavros Halkias?

  Play us another one. Play us a, play us a voicemail.

• 1:42:37Speaker 06

  This podcast is supported by Nurtac ODT. Remedy Pant. We know you didn't ask for an interruption, but migraine doesn't wait for the right moment to interrupt either. It just barges in, takes your time, and throws everything off. So when migraine takes your time, take Nurtac. It's for the acute treatment of migraine with or without aura in adults. Nurtac can provide pain relief in two hours, which can last up to two days. Ask your healthcare provider if Nurtac is right for you, because your time is for you, not migraine. Don't take if allergic to Nurtac ODT. Allergic reactions can occur even days after use. Get help right away for trouble breathing, rash, swelling of face, mouth, tongue, or throat. High blood pressure and Raynaud's syndrome can occur. Get help for high blood pressure, numbness, coolness, pain,

• 1:43:21Speaker 06

  or color changes in fingers and toes. Common side effect is nausea. For full prescribing information, call 1-833-4-NURTC or visit Nurtac.com. All right, back to your podcast, playlist, or whatever's keeping you going today.

• 1:43:38Speaker 04

  Hey, it's me, Teddy Swims. You hear that? That's life. So go grab it. Grab your old friends, grab new friends, grab a White Claw. Grab flavor for everyone in your group. Grab music, laughter, and moments you'll never forget. You'll never regret it.

• 1:43:57Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, hey, man.

• 1:43:58Speaker 04

  Grab new friends, grab old friends, grab life by the glow, White Claw. Please drink responsibly. White Claw Celta Works, Chicago, Illinois.

• 1:44:08Stavros Halkias?

  You're the Mo, man. Play us a motherfucking voicemail.

• 1:44:12Speaker 03

  Do you just, do you hate Boston Cuz Ravens Patriots? Is that the, is that the, is that like the, that's it, right? There's no other reason?

• 1:44:20Stavros Halkias?

  I also don't like the Celtics.

• 1:44:22Speaker 03

  Oh, really? Wow. Oh, the Knicks.

• 1:44:24Stavros Halkias?

  It's sorting Knicks, it's also, although you know what? I did like the first KG team, because I loved KG.

• 1:44:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:44:30Stavros Halkias?

  The thing is, like, I was a nomad. NBA fan for a while because Baltimore had no teams and I couldn't like, you know, DC and Baltimore just, I I hate when people pick up a surrounding city.

• 1:44:42Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 1:44:43Stavros Halkias?

  It's one thing if you don't, if you live in a small town and you pick up the biggest, you're just like, oh, that's the big city around us, but it's like, we're two completely different cities with different identities.

• 1:44:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:44:51Stavros Halkias?

  I'm not gonna root for their NBA team. So I would always like pick and choose like people to root for, so I really liked the uh, I liked the um, uh, I I really liked the, you know, Kings when they were against the Lakers and I liked the, and KG was one of my guys, cause I, he's just so fuck, A- Allen Iverson was like my fucking guy.

• 1:45:11Speaker 03

  I love that, I love that.

• 1:45:12Stavros Halkias?

  And then KG was my guy, and then when he got traded, I was like, I I'm rooting for him, whatever. Um, but then I think probably with Boston, it was like, I don't know exactly, I think it, first of all, it translates, like the sports hate goes.

• 1:45:26Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 1:45:26Stavros Halkias?

  It's like Ori- Orioles, Yankee, you know, it's like, in baseball, you know, not that we were that good ever, but it was like, I got annoyed that you guys were winning too much.

• 1:45:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:45:35Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean, it was like.

• 1:45:36Speaker 03

  Which is the flip.

• 1:45:37Stavros Halkias?

  The Reds, I know, but not, it was the flip when your fucking, you know, grandparents and shit, I'm tired of people my age talking about, it was so hard, it wasn't hard for you.

• 1:45:45Speaker 03

  It wasn't, wasn't.

• 1:45:46Stavros Halkias?

  You were a fucking kid.

• 1:45:46Speaker 03

  It was actually perfect for me.

• 1:45:48Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly, exactly.

• 1:45:49Speaker 03

  I was like eighteen and then like they started to win.

• 1:45:51Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly, so I don't wanna hear that from young fucking Boston fans who are like, we went through it, it's like, no, your fucking grandfather went through it, you didn't go through fucking shit, right? So it was the kinda thing where it was like, they were winning too much, and then.

• 1:46:02Speaker 03

  We did become annoying, I agree with that. Bostonians became fucking annoying.

• 1:46:05Stavros Halkias?

  Boston just became annoying overall, and then from a, from a basketball standpoint, what I kinda glommed on to, um, I was a Knicks fan obviously, but I was like, I kinda was rooting for LeBron against the War- the Warriors annoyed me, especially after they got KD.

• 1:46:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:46:20Stavros Halkias?

  So I became more of a, I became a LeBron guy, and then LeBron became like this symbol of my youth.

• 1:46:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:46:25Stavros Halkias?

  So it's like, as long as LeBron's still there, it's like, I'm, I'm still a child. Like, I remember, I remember him, I remember hearing about LeBron when I was in middle school, dude, like, that's how long my relationship to this guy has been.

• 1:46:36Speaker 03

  And I hated, like, I was.

• 1:46:37Stavros Halkias?

  And the Celtics hate LeBron, right? Like, they hate LeBron, so it was like, rooting for LeBron ended up kinda like. I and then the New York for so it's like Baltimore has a natural the Ravens and the Patriots and then New York and ball you know moving to New York and being like I kinda because I'm a Knicks fan. I've adopted the Knicks I've been there 10 years so anyway it's just a general too much winning. All these things that I was rooting for kinda were clashing against Boston enough that I was just like fuck Boston sports.

• 1:47:04Speaker 03

  I mean cool Boston people will be like our fans are annoying they know that we are too annoying with a lot of shit but like I mean. I remember watching do the right thing and be like I don't like this movie they're mean to and then watching it again as an adult to be like oh alright.

• 1:47:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:47:19Speaker 03

  Instead of them being mean about Larry Bird it's like so over my head but like it did feel like does it that that like us against the world I mean that's any city of course.

• 1:47:29Stavros Halkias?

  Every city has that, yeah.

• 1:47:30Speaker 03

  But like we did I was like 18 and we had sucked at like the Red Sox sucked and that was my favorite.

• 1:47:37Stavros Halkias?

  Well, I that's the irony is I loved the red the first Red Sox comeback.

• 1:47:42Speaker 03

  Oh, that was great.

• 1:47:42Stavros Halkias?

  Cause it was like fuck the Yankees first and foremost and the Red Sox weren't great and it was like.

• 1:47:46Speaker 03

  That team is also there's like so many pieces of shit.

• 1:47:48Stavros Halkias?

  But yes, the more you learn about it but then the further we and if like this if the Red Sox had never won a again.

• 1:47:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:47:55Stavros Halkias?

  I think I still would have affection for the Red Sox it's like it's so cool they fucked the Yankees cause fuck the Yankees but yeah. Since then they've won too much everyone has been a fucking piece of shit and when like you know so it's like.

• 1:48:08Speaker 03

  That's a test for me if I saw Schilling and was like if I would be like thank you sir I think I still would just be like thank you for everything I wouldn't be able to go like this guy sucks it still is broken in my head.

• 1:48:18Stavros Halkias?

  You're like but the bloody sock.

• 1:48:20Speaker 03

  The bloody sock fucking worked it worked for me.

• 1:48:22Stavros Halkias?

  He should get to be racist. He should be allowed a little bit of racism because of the bloody sock.

• 1:48:28Speaker 03

  For his video game company whatever the fuck he did uh I was also you won't like this either but I was at that playoff game with Raven oh I'm sorry.

• 1:48:36Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, no, you told me about this because I had just done Edelman's podcast I held the ball.

• 1:48:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:48:41Stavros Halkias?

  Oh he's because you were at the you were at the the game where Edelman threw a touchdown against the Ravens on a trick play and he literally he literal he literal yes and he literally let me hold it and I was like you have to take this away from me. Like I was like I'm going to fuck this ball up like I'm in his home he's giving me like a and I'm like the the fucking Mongoloid Ravens fan kicks in I'm like. Give me a knife. You call you fucking piece of shit, that was our year. Uh, anyway, yeah.

• 1:49:09Speaker 03

  That was, you got, I, I, it's funny, cause I've always, I mean, this is the, the, you know, the advantage you get when you just win a lot, where I'm like, I have no bad feelings towards the Ravens, I kind of was rooting for them the last few years.

• 1:49:20Stavros Halkias?

  You get to have that benevolent like, well, if it couldn't have been us, I wish it would, it's like, shut the fuck up. You wanted it, you wouldn't have said that if you lost, you fucking cocksuckers, but, anyway.

• 1:49:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:49:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's, I'm glad we got that all on record, though, it's important. What else we got, little Momo?

• 1:49:39Speaker 09

  Hey, Stavi, I try to keep it short and sweet for you, alright? I'm going to the gym and these fucking, these teenagers are fucking bullying me, bro. Like, I don't know what the fuck to do, bro. They'll like, follow me while I'm working out and just like, you know, make fun of my outfit or like, my form. I don't know what the fuck I did to these kids, but they got a fucking out for me, dude. And I can't whoop the shit out of them, cause they're minors. And I wanna be like a little bitch and go up to the staff and be like, oh no, these kids are making fun of me, can you ban them? So like, I don't know what to do, bro. Like, do I just, do I stoop to their level and like, I don't know?

• 1:50:18Stavros Halkias?

  You, you won't be able to do that.

• 1:50:19Speaker 09

  And then pull it away real fast and go, ooh, not so slick, huh?

• 1:50:23Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 1:50:23Speaker 09

  You know, like, what the fuck, how do I get these little shits back, bro, okay? Cause they're these jacked fucking sixteen year olds with their ego out of their mind and like, there's no stopping them, bro. Dude, I was trying to get fucking water and these little shits start barking at me. They're going, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof.

• 1:50:40Speaker 03

  These kids sound funny as hell.

• 1:50:41Speaker 09

  What am I supposed to do to that? Stavi, please help me out, bro. How do I get back at these fucking kids without breaking the law? Do I just wait till they're old enough to like, kick the shit out of them, or like?

• 1:50:55Stavros Halkias?

  Sounds like they'd beat you up.

• 1:50:56Speaker 09

  I don't know, dude.

• 1:50:57Speaker 03

  Sounds like they'd beat him up right now.

• 1:50:58Speaker 09

  Like, every time I go to the gym, I just know to expect these motherfuckers, dude. And I just, lately, I've just been putting in my earbuds and just ignoring them, you know? But they, that doesn't keep them from like, you know, dogging on me. I don't know what the fuck I did to these kids. Alright, man, let me know. Actually, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, y'all are gonna say, hmm, some info's missing here, I think he did, he's starting through the kids.

• 1:51:24Speaker 09

  They were just making fun of me and I was like chicken jockey and then I don't know why I said that but after that

• 1:51:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you blew it.

• 1:51:31Speaker 09

  They used to follow me around going chicken jockey, chicken jockey.

• 1:51:33Stavros Halkias?

  You blew it.

• 1:51:33Speaker 09

  Chicken jockey guy.

• 1:51:35Speaker 03

  I hope this call ends with him getting his ass kicked by the kids.

• 1:51:37Speaker 09

  It's more than the first time, bro. Now I got their attention. Anyway, man. Alright, let me know. Love you, Stab. Love you, LD. Love you, guest.

• 1:51:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, you're kind of fucked. This is like the thing in prison where they're like you have to, you only get to make one first impression. You're fucked at this gym unless you become like funny, like clearly they had your ass. You were, you were mad. And then you got, you tried to get back at them with a lame ass fucking comeback.

• 1:52:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:52:06Stavros Halkias?

  And they probably, if you just ignore them, they probably would have left you alone eventually, but you tried to hit them back with, and you had nothing.

• 1:52:14Speaker 03

  Can I say that this is the most embarrassing call of the day?

• 1:52:17Stavros Halkias?

  It's the worst one, dude. It's, and it, I mean, and look, at the end, also, this is a nightmare, right?

• 1:52:23Speaker 03

  Sure, 100%.

• 1:52:24Stavros Halkias?

  Teenagers, like groups of teens bullying you is.

• 1:52:28Speaker 03

  It's happened to me my whole.

• 1:52:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:52:30Speaker 03

  My whole life.

• 1:52:31Stavros Halkias?

  You don't want, you want to avoid this, like, I think.

• 1:52:34Speaker 03

  Do you know who, do you know who my high school, I went to private school for one, my parents sent me to private school because I was a fuck up and they sent me to private school my freshman year and.

• 1:52:42Stavros Halkias?

  Your freshman year, okay.

• 1:52:43Speaker 03

  And we've since buried the hatchet, we text about this, but the guy who was meeting me in my freshman year was Ryan Whitney, who's a professional hockey player.

• 1:52:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. He does a fucking Barstool hockey podcast.

• 1:52:54Speaker 03

  We bury the hatchet, it was not even like, it wasn't even, and he was like, I don't remember it that way, it was kind of like what it was, but it was.

• 1:53:01Stavros Halkias?

  No bully ever does, by the way.

• 1:53:02Speaker 03

  It was that sort of thing where I was just like, if I like stand up as a bully, he's like, he's gonna kick the shit out of me.

• 1:53:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, I love that, like, you just, they're just as afraid of you. It's like, no, they're not.

• 1:53:13Speaker 03

  No, some are not.

• 1:53:14Stavros Halkias?

  Their mu, they were, their mother was on meth when they fucking gave birth to them. They don't have fear. The fear part of their brain was fucking burned out.

• 1:53:22Speaker 03

  These kids are barking at him, he's not.

• 1:53:24Stavros Halkias?

  Dude, and they smell blood in the water. Like, this is just like any bullying situation, except you're a grown man and they're children and you got nothing and it's like.

• 1:53:34Speaker 03

  You can go full beta if they bark at you like meow at them and like become and like just be like, I'm a little weirdo freak and be and like have them own you for the rest of your have them own you forever. Or you can go to a new gym, I guess.

• 1:53:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, you gotta go to a new gym. You're I mean, it's funny because he thinks he could beat them up, but it doesn't. Is he jacked?

• 1:53:54Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:53:55Stavros Halkias?

  Like, we need a little more info. It's like, are they more physically imposing like? Are they? Because if you're jacked and they're still mocking you, that's even more hilarious.

• 1:54:03Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:54:04Stavros Halkias?

  If they don't respect you at all, they completely, they completely have owned you. You ruined it with Chicken Jockey.

• 1:54:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, it is kind of on you in a lot of ways. I I like, I think that these guys are. I mean, you could do the earnest thing and just be like, hey, I mean, it's it's over.

• 1:54:23Stavros Halkias?

  You have to, I mean, if you really, the only way out is through like just schoolyard tactics.

• 1:54:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:54:30Stavros Halkias?

  You know, you just have to bully them back, but I don't think you have it in you. I mean, you have to just accuse them of being gay with each other. That's all children understand. It's like, you know, say, you know, you know, call them, literally, you have to just stoop to the level of being a fucking. But that might backfire on you, too. Like, they might be gay. Well, they were like, yeah, we're gay. We just sucked each other off on the in the, you know, in in our car before lifting like. Kids now, you never know, right? It's like, what kind of kids are these? Because the thing is, there are, there is that type of like weird Andrew Tate meathead conservative kid.

• 1:55:03Speaker 03

  Sure, yeah.

• 1:55:03Stavros Halkias?

  That it's like those kids you can get by just accusing them of being gay.

• 1:55:08Speaker 03

  I like the divide here, too, where I was like, get on all fours and like become like have them own you and you're like bully them back.

• 1:55:14Stavros Halkias?

  Well, those are the two paths, though. It'd be so weird. They're like, ah, what the fuck?

• 1:55:22Stavros Halkias?

  Or like you have to fight back, which is usually not, we don't tell an adult man to do this.

• 1:55:27Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:55:28Stavros Halkias?

  Um, or yeah, just put your headphones in and ignore them, but it's like. I don't think I could take doing that and I would just have to, I would try to bully them back, but I don't think honestly, I don't think I would ever be in this predicament, man. I think, I think you're just fucked up so bad and your vibes are those of a guy that gets bullied.

• 1:55:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think you're right. First of all, you're very funny. You would, you come up with something.

• 1:55:49Stavros Halkias?

  But even me, this is my job. It would take all my powers and it would be a coin flip. There's still a chance these teens own me, right? But, so it's like, it's a hard proposition. This is worse than anything. Like, is this a guy your age? You're just like, shut the fuck up, man. I'm doing, I'm fucking working out.

• 1:56:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, why, you're a 40-year-old man. Why are you bullying me?

• 1:56:08Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly. Like, if it's somebody your age, you're like, dude, shut the fuck up. And if it's somebody your age, you could even literally tattle. Cause you're like, hey, man, I, I paid too much fucking money to this gym to be annoyed by this guy. But when it's children,

• 1:56:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:56:19Stavros Halkias?

  You, they'd be, everyone would be like, you're gonna tell on these children?

• 1:56:24Stavros Halkias?

  Like, you're just really fucked here, dude. You have to get in your gym. You're a pussy. You're not gonna be able to handle it.

• 1:56:30Stavros Halkias?

  There's no getting around this. There's just no getting around this.

• 1:56:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think you're right.

• 1:56:35Stavros Halkias?

  It's, this is like getting bedbugs. It's like you have to just move. You, when you're getting, when you have teen bullies at your gym, there's no treatment for that, other than bully them back.

• 1:56:46Speaker 03

  I, I guess, you know the other thing that maybe will work? Is if they're trying to be funny and, and acting like it's not funny. I think that is, I mean, that always mattered to me as a teen, but I feel like as a, as a gaggle of teens, it won't work.

• 1:57:01Stavros Halkias?

  Because they don't respect you anyway. Like, and in fact, all that matters is it's funny to them.

• 1:57:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:57:06Stavros Halkias?

  You know?

• 1:57:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's fucked.

• 1:57:07Stavros Halkias?

  And the only way is to under, like, now, the way you get around this by, cause here's the other thing, they all have insecur, they're teens, right?

• 1:57:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:57:14Stavros Halkias?

  They all have insecurities. They all have their own pro, like, the only way to do is to Machiavellianly study these teens. There's one who's the leader that they all kinda secretly hate.

• 1:57:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:57:26Stavros Halkias?

  He has a secret. Like, you have to embarrass, like, you have to really, like,

• 1:57:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, follow these kids home.

• 1:57:31Stavros Halkias?

  You literally have to, like, do surveillance. You have to hire a private detective to see what these kids' hopes and dreams are, and like, crush them that way. And unless you're willing to do that level of like, Like work into this, you're not gonna be able to pull this off.

• 1:57:44Speaker 03

  I have an alt.

• 1:57:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:57:45Speaker 03

  Get some foam weights, like that, like, say, like, a hundred and fifty pounds and just pretend that you're fucking.

• 1:57:53Speaker 03

  Strongest dude in the world.

• 1:57:54Stavros Halkias?

  That is smart.

• 1:57:55Speaker 03

  That will maybe scare them, but you're fucked. And it sounds like maybe you deserve some of the bullying, so sorry about that.

• 1:58:00Stavros Halkias?

  It does sound, you're so worked up about this. Like, part of the problem is, if kids like called me fat or whatever, and I was like, we're gonna be like, good one, you fucking pussies, then I'd move on. Like, I don't fucking care. Go fucking, you know what I mean? I would, I would just like a cute, I would just be like, go fucking do TikTok dances and suck each other off. And then I'd be like, and I, and I would just leave. And then they're like, and then what are they gonna do? Fight me?

• 1:58:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:58:23Stavros Halkias?

  You know, like, you just, you were affected by teenagers mocking you.

• 1:58:26Speaker 03

  That's true.

• 1:58:27Stavros Halkias?

  And you're, and the fact that you care enough to even call in means you're done. Go to a fucking, yeah, go to a.

• 1:58:32Speaker 03

  Go to a new gym. You lost, you lost your gym.

• 1:58:35Stavros Halkias?

  You lost your gym to children, man.

• 1:58:38Speaker 03

  I do understand getting, of, being afraid of teens, I understand that. That is, they are, they are in good shape. They could, they could, I mean, I think they could.

• 1:58:46Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, no, there is no one more ruthless than teens in the right situation.

• 1:58:52Speaker 03

  Doesn't mean, that's like the meanest, I, I will never, that, like, I can make fun of myself because of being in Boston.

• 1:58:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I went to Baltimore City Public Schools, like, that's part of why you have, you learn how to make fun of each, you, you have to learn how to make fun of someone.

• 1:59:06Speaker 03

  To survive.

• 1:59:07Stavros Halkias?

  To survive, yeah.

• 1:59:08Speaker 03

  And you, yeah, you, you blew it.

• 1:59:10Stavros Halkias?

  And you don't have it. Chicken jockey, what the fuck were you thinking?

• 1:59:13Speaker 03

  Did you see the movie? Did you, well, whatever.

• 1:59:16Stavros Halkias?

  Hit us with, uh, one to go out on here, little mo. And by the way, we, we didn't plug anything. Please, listen to Doughboys, Twisted Metal. This will probably come out, this will probably come out in a month, honestly, so.

• 1:59:28Speaker 03

  It will be, actually, honestly, the finale will probably be close to, it's, the finale's the end of, uh, of August.

• 1:59:34Stavros Halkias?

  Cool. Perfect, perfect. Yeah, this will come out at some point.

• 1:59:36Speaker 03

  I love it.

• 1:59:37Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, and maybe it'll be early August, but either way, go to peak, go to the cock. Download the cock and watch Mike, baby. And of course, this is a dope boys, which legit has become like my favorite podcast.

• 1:59:49Speaker 03

  You're a good man.

• 1:59:49Stavros Halkias?

  I fucking love, I love fat, I love fast food as much as you guys. And I really am not kidding where I'm like, I will do the podcast every twice some, like if I lived here and you guys had fallouts, I would be like, I'll do it.

• 2:00:01Speaker 03

  We would have you on all the time. You knew, you immediately knew exactly, I mean, that's how Nick and I bought, Nick, who is not even really a fat guy much at all anymore. But Nick Wager, my co-host is like, we were just both loved fast.

• 2:00:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 2:00:13Speaker 03

  Like we, we genuinely.

• 2:00:14Stavros Halkias?

  And just soberly discussing it. And it's like, the jokes happen by accident, but the point is to actually, like when, when we were hanging out in DC.

• 2:00:22Speaker 03

  That's my comedy career.

• 2:00:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 2:00:24Speaker 03

  Jokes happening by accident.

• 2:00:25Stavros Halkias?

  But when we were in DC, me, you, me, you and Gabers were legitimately just like, ha, talking about other chains, like, hmm, and we were like really talking, like it was like a fucking debate, a true debate.

• 2:00:36Speaker 03

  You went and got Ann pizza on your own.

• 2:00:38Stavros Halkias?

  I needed to be a part of the conversation.

• 2:00:40Speaker 03

  I love that. You're always, you're always welcome to be on.

• 2:00:42Stavros Halkias?

  Thank you, brother.

• 2:00:45Speaker 03

  I go on Hawaii.

• 2:00:46Speaker 10

  Hey, Sal, so I have a question. I was flying a lot this past month and so back to back flights. And being a large body person also, I, during one of my flights, I missed the snack time because I was so sleepy after takeoff. And, but at the same time, like I, when I woke up, I wanted my, I wanted a fucking snack. I wanted my snack. I wanted my little drinky. I wanted my little pretzel.

• 2:01:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:01:14Speaker 10

  So I asked the flight attendant for my snack. They ignored me. And then, so I asked the other one for the snack and then I saw them talking to each other.

• 2:01:25Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, no.

• 2:01:26Speaker 10

  And then the first one that ignored me originally came back and handed me five handfuls of, like a big handful of cookies. So, obviously, that's.

• 2:01:41Speaker 10

  And act to me for being big. So what do I do? Do I contact the flight?

• 2:01:48Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 2:01:49Speaker 10

  Airlines or do I just like go? Just try to just let my ego be bruised? Or should I say something? Okay, love you, bye.

• 2:02:00Stavros Halkias?

  We're all in the same community here, okay? You got, you gotta take it. Your only, tattling never makes anything better. No. Never, ever, like it's only very specific, only very specific situations where tattling makes things better. But it's like, you might have like a fuck, there might be some kind of fat asterisk on your, you know, on your Delta thing now, like, and yes, were they rude to you? Sure, but also, I've been, you know, I've been asleep and been like, I miss my cookies. And ask with too much, like, ask with too much fucking intensity. Parting into the fucking cockpit. Are there any more Biscoffs?

• 2:02:41Stavros Halkias?

  I've been, I've asked with too much, and like, look into your soul deeply. Did you ask two people too quickly? And did you deserve this? No. No. You did not. Let me be very clear. That's incredibly passive aggressive and very rude, like, at the very least, they should have given you like, like, if they want to give you a couple, like, a bag, an extra bag, like, that's one thing, they'd be like, well, you asked twice, here's two cookies, whatever. Still rude, but is it possible you asked like, like, did you give, the person ignored you, like, be, be honest with yourself in terms of the play by play?

• 2:03:21Stavros Halkias?

  You know, we, it sucks that we have to think this way, but it's like, that is the life of a fat airline passenger. Is that like, they're gonna disrespect you. It's hell already. All we have are our cookies. I understand where you're coming from, but. You can't snitch here.

• 2:03:37Speaker 03

  This is.

• 2:03:37Stavros Halkias?

  You just can't. There's no- nothing good comes from putting snitch energy in the world.

• 2:03:42Speaker 03

  A hundred percent.

• 2:03:43Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean?

• 2:03:44Speaker 03

  I remember when I was, when I went to Camp Burgess, the after Camp Fatima.

• 2:03:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 2:03:48Speaker 03

  And I remember there was, like, in the mornings, they would do, like, every cabin would say a thing and they went, "Fat kid" to me. And like, that is like, you know, you get like, and I, and I swallowed it. I never, I never said it, but it did. It, it, to this day, I remember it.

• 2:04:03Stavros Halkias?

  So wait, what happened? It was like they would?

• 2:04:04Speaker 03

  Like, and they would be like, like, "Good morning," or like, you know what I mean? Like, you would do a thing. And then for me, they went, "Fat kid," and they pointed at me.

• 2:04:10Stavros Halkias?

  The whole?

• 2:04:11Speaker 03

  The whole cabin. The whole, the whole cabin, like 12 kids. I know, I know. So look.

• 2:04:17Stavros Halkias?

  That's your, that's your counselor's fault, by the way, letting that happen.

• 2:04:20Speaker 03

  The counselors, that same counselor later asked me for my Grateful Dead shirt. He's like, "Can I have your Grateful Dead shirt?" Because I was the same size as like, an adult man.

• 2:04:29Stavros Halkias?

  That's insane, dude. That's crazy.

• 2:04:32Speaker 03

  It was a cool Grateful Dead shirt. I was like, "No."

• 2:04:34Stavros Halkias?

  No, yeah, yeah. That's an insane thing to ask someone.

• 2:04:37Speaker 03

  Also, it was like the time where I was like, "Wait, I'm the fat," because I told you, like, that was like one of the points where I was like, "Oh, fuck, I'm fat. I'm the fat kid. It was a bummer." But first of all, you have to, on flights, you need to be prepared. I always tell the flight attendant, if you come around with food or drinks, "Wake me up," or something like that. I always, I'll always do that. You're right. Fat person on the flight, hell, it sucks all the time. I don't fit into a bathroom.

• 2:05:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yep.

• 2:05:02Speaker 03

  I've, I got a Delta card just to fly first class because now that's, that's all, the only way I'll travel. The only kind of thing they do for big people is that you can take your CPAP. I'm, I'm going to Hawaii and I'm like dreading it.

• 2:05:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 2:05:14Speaker 03

  Uh, just because I'm not flying first class there. I'm, I'm gonna sit with my mom and sister. And I'm like, I'm not gonna fit in the seat. It's gonna be uncomfortable. But the one good thing they do is they let you take your CPAP.

• 2:05:23Stavros Halkias?

  CPAP as an extra carry-on. Yeah, yeah.

• 2:05:25Speaker 03

  Put a lei around my CPAP.

• 2:05:28Speaker 03

  When we get to Hawaii.

• 2:05:31Stavros Halkias?

  They put the lei on your CPAP. They put an apple in your mouth.

• 2:05:38Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, sorry, sir. Sorry, uh, we mistook you for the pig we're roasting later tonight.

• 2:05:42Speaker 03

  I'm like running away.

• 2:05:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, a- and look, it's like, here's the other thing, though. When you miss a snack.

• 2:05:52Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 2:05:53Stavros Halkias?

  You did miss the window, you do have to be a little more patient.

• 2:05:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:05:58Stavros Halkias?

  They will give it to you eventually, but whenever, and it's not just a snack, it's like when you miss anything, when you miss the drink, when you miss whatever, like, you know, it might take a while for you to get it. Now, again, they don't, you don't deserve this treatment.

• 2:06:10Speaker 03

  No.

• 2:06:10Stavros Halkias?

  Giving you five is fucking crazy. It's fucking insane, but.

• 2:06:14Speaker 03

  I also want to say that, look, I, I would be in my head about that too, but there's a slight possibility that lady was like, I'm gonna be nice and give more and not even thinking about, not even thinking about, maybe like it, maybe it was a subconscious thing or something.

• 2:06:27Stavros Halkias?

  And we've all been there, where like self-hating fat thoughts are like, they were being, they were, they were whispering to me.

• 2:06:33Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 2:06:33Stavros Halkias?

  Whispering about me. And look, you might be right, I don't know, we weren't there, but it's like, it doesn't help to look at the most negative in these circumstances.

• 2:06:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:06:42Stavros Halkias?

  And, and it's been, it's ostensibly been at least a few days, maybe weeks after this, and you're still thinking about it, right? And, and when you, if you write it up, you'll be like, I wonder what Delta's gonna do about it. And you're gonna be thinking about it even longer. We don't know there was Delta, whatever, fucking, whatever airline you're with. That also matters too. If you're on a discount airline, they're dickheads to everyone, right? So that's another thing.

• 2:07:04Speaker 03

  Man, we should, I, I know, I, I hate every actor in the world creating businesses.

• 2:07:09Stavros Halkias?

  Fat air.

• 2:07:09Speaker 03

  But we should create fat air.

• 2:07:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 2:07:13Stavros Halkias?

  There's airplanes flying, they're clipping buildings.

• 2:07:19Stavros Halkias?

  Not how the physics work at all, but it's like, just because it's fat people, it's flying lower.

• 2:07:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, we have to go in on fat air. I mean, it is, they treat fat people like shit.

• 2:07:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 2:07:30Speaker 03

  And, and it's, it's not fair, but.

• 2:07:32Stavros Halkias?

  People, they treat ev- everyone, like, the thing about first class is that it's what a human being deserves.

• 2:07:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:07:39Stavros Halkias?

  It's base dignity. It's not like the, it's like the craziest, most fucking comfortable seats, it's just a seat. Where you don't feel uncomfortable every moment, right? Regular seats, you just feel like fucking shit the whole time.

• 2:07:52Speaker 03

  That was, I was a JetBlue guy forever and, and.

• 2:07:55Stavros Halkias?

  They have a little, they had a little extra room and stuff.

• 2:07:57Speaker 03

  They had extra legroom, which, which that's like, I loved it. And then a new CEO took over, of course. And then they were like, we're getting rid of Coke and we're going to Pepsi, which already I was like, this is fucked up.

• 2:08:05Stavros Halkias?

  Bad sign.

• 2:08:06Speaker 03

  That was, my blood, as a fat guy, my blood was already boiling. And then they're like, we're gonna, they, they were like, they made the decision to slim the seats. It's like, wha- what, what on earth? Human beings are bigger than they've ever been. Why would you ever fucking slim the seats? It doesn't make any sense. And then like, you know, dickheads online.

• 2:08:22Stavros Halkias?

  Money.

• 2:08:23Speaker 03

  They saved money and they could pack more people in or whatever it is. It's, it is just a money thing. And then dickheads online are like, you should be a, or pay for two seats or whatever. And that's why I do just fly, and I, I'm lucky that I can fly first class.

• 2:08:35Stavros Halkias?

  I tried paying for two seats before. I've done that before. They don't make it ea- they, everyone tells you, fat, buy two seats. I would do that and they're like, nobody knew how to do it.

• 2:08:45Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 2:08:45Stavros Halkias?

  They were ma- and they would like call out like, oh, like, and then when they figured it out, they like laughed. They'd be like, like I had a guy be like, wait, oh, it's for, they're like, they're both for you. And they were like, and it's like, hey, man, if you're gonna tell us to do it, and I tried to do it, don't make it fucking embarrassing. I literally did that before I could afford first class. I was like, all right, I'm fat as shit. I travel for a stand-up. I did it a couple of times. It was so mortifying that I was like, or it was just so, it wasn't even mortifying. You can't do it online. You have to call.

• 2:09:14Speaker 03

  And they're gonna probably try to fill that seat in. Like, that's what flights do. It's like, they're gonna try to get everyone into the plane, no matter what.

• 2:09:20Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly. So anyway, whatever. But, but yeah, it's fucked up. That's, that's a perfect example of how it's just the company trying to make more money. So they make it horrible on everyone.

• 2:09:30Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:09:31Stavros Halkias?

  And then we cannibalize each other where people, people feel so good, so superior morally to fat people.

• 2:09:37Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 2:09:37Stavros Halkias?

  That it's like, they get to just like, oh, this is a, I can just make fun of this person and I, I, you know, I'm better than them because I'm not fat. And so instead of being mad at fucking the JetBlue CEO for taking legroom that everyone could have used, but fat people could use it a little more, you're like, well, fuck you, fat ass, you know? But anyway, don't snitch, move on with your life. And look, and we do this a lot. No one who, only fat people can listen to this part. Everybody else go away. Turn the podcast off. If you're not fat, listen. We could all lose a little weight. They are right. I hate to say it, but I've lost a little weight and I do feel a little better.

• 2:10:14Speaker 03

  The thin people, it's good for us.

• 2:10:18Stavros Halkias?

  It's not for their reasons. I'm just saying, I know I've been healthier and I feel a little better. So it's like, don't let, don't, I'm not saying, you know, I'm not saying you deserve to be, but just like, just be a little healthier. It's okay. It's okay. You don't have to feel bad about yourself.

• 2:10:35Speaker 03

  The fucking thins, thin people will always be like on, like I'll search Zepbound just to get mad. Seeing people being like, that will like give you cancer. I'm like, so is, so will being fat will give you cancer too. Or a heart attack.

• 2:10:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 2:10:50Speaker 03

  But, but.

• 2:10:50Stavros Halkias?

  I'll roll the dice, baby. One last thing I'll say too is like, what would you even say if you made a complaint? I asked for cookies and they gave me cookies.

• 2:11:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:11:02Stavros Halkias?

  They gave me a little bit more cookies and by the way, and then brother says, I'm fat, so I took that as an insult.

• 2:11:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:11:09Stavros Halkias?

  And it is possible, but I'm just saying, it doesn't write up. You probably won't get justice. So move on, move on with your life and that's all.

• 2:11:18Speaker 03

  I'll say this too. If that, if that flight attendant was giving you extra cookies as like a fuck you, you're fat thing, then they have to live with themselves being a shitty person forever.

• 2:11:30Stavros Halkias?

  They won't. That's the problem. There's no justice though. They feel good about being shitty. They love it.

• 2:11:35Speaker 03

  But that, but that sucks. You're not that person and you can be grateful for not being that fucking piece of shit.

• 2:11:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Be kind to people and just, you know, snitching is not good in general, I would say.

• 2:11:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:11:46Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, but good luck out there. We feel for you. That is brutal. Fuck them.

• 2:11:50Speaker 03

  Tell them to wake you up. You just gotta tell them to wake you up. That's, that's.

• 2:11:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, put a, put a, yeah, put a big sign on your, like, don't wake me up. Just put the cookies in my mouth while I sleep.

• 2:12:02Stavros Halkias?

  Undo my CPAP. Put the cookie in and put my CPAP back on.

• 2:12:10Stavros Halkias?

  All right. Well, on that note, we're gonna end the episode, guys. Thank you so much for listening, Mike. Thank you for being here.

• 2:12:15Speaker 03

  Thank you for having me. It's an honor.

• 2:12:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and we will talk to you guys next time. Bye bye.

• 2:12:33Speaker 00

  What kind of day is it? It's a White Claw day. Grab a pack, grab your friends. Everything else in life can wait. Your friends shouldn't. Let's go. White Claw. Grab life by the claw. Please drink responsibly. Heart's also with flavors. White Claw's also works Chicago, Illinois.

• 2:12:47Speaker 11

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• 2:13:05Stavros Halkias?

  No purchase necessary. 50 U.S. and D.C. Age 18 plus. See playatmcd.com for rules and playatmcd.com/amoe for info and playing without purchase by mail by November 2nd. Chance card game ends November 8th. Game ends November 22nd, 2026. See rules for prize details. Monopoly is a registered trademark of Hasbro.