#131 - Steph Tolev

Steph Tolev joins the pod to discuss her new special Filth Queen (June 24 on Netflix), growing up Canadian-Bulgarian in a sketchy part of Toronto, how she won the crowd over when she hosted the AVN Awards, Stav’s breakfast hot dogs, micropricked meetups, her weight loss journey, playing Stav’s wife on Tires season 2 (June 5 on Netflix), and much more. Steph and Stav help callers including a guy who’s wondering if his inexperienced girlfriend is pressuring him for marriage just to move out of her parents’ house, and a guy who wants to know how to make his girlfriend tap into her superfreak mode a little more. Watch Steph Tolev’s special FILTH QUEEN on Netflix on June 24!! Watch Steph and Stav on season 2 of TIRES on Netflix on June 5!! See Steph Tolev live and follow her on social media: https://www.punchup.live/stephtolev/tickets https://www.instagram.com/stephtolev https://www.youtube.com/@Steph_Tolev https://www.facebook.com/StephTolev/ https://www.tiktok.com/@stephtolev https://x.com/stephtolev Get a free trial at https://www.shipstation.com/stavvy. Thanks to ShipStation for sponsoring the show! Get a refreshing Twisted Tea today. Keep It Twisted!! Visit https://www.twistedtea.com/locations to find Twisted Tea near you. Visit https://bluechew.com/ and use promo code STAVVY to try your first month of BlueChew FREE -- just pay $5 shipping. Protect your home from bugs with Pestie. Go to pestie.com/STAVVY for an extra 10% off your order. 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets 🎥 Rent or buy LET'S START A CULT at https://stavvy.biz/movie ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld ☎️ Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:31Speaker 01

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• 1:03Stavros Halkias?

  Welcome, everybody, to Stav's World. 904-800-Stav. Call in and we'll solve your problems. We have Steph Tolev on the couch today. Steph, thanks for coming.

• 1:13Speaker 03

  I feel so at home here.

• 1:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:14Speaker 03

  I'm so, you know, I'm mostly Bulgarian, but I'm also part Greek. So this is, look at this.

• 1:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:19Speaker 03

  I mean, look at this.

• 1:20Stavros Halkias?

  I know.

• 1:20Speaker 03

  I mean, do you mean this?

• 1:21Stavros Halkias?

  I recognize your face from, like, Greek Revolutionary War propaganda.

• 1:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:27Stavros Halkias?

  Like, you literally, there's that face who's been like, you know, and it says, like, vanquish the Turks.

• 1:32Speaker 03

  And it's a small penis, huge balls. That's me. Small, huge lady.

• 1:37Stavros Halkias?

  No, there's a, yeah, yeah. There's a, there's one lady in particular who, I don't even know. It was, we had some, you know, when you're fighting the Ottomans, you even let the gals get a sword.

• 1:48Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, you're getting desperate.

• 1:49Stavros Halkias?

  So everybody was fighting.

• 1:51Speaker 03

  Uh huh.

• 1:51Stavros Halkias?

  We had this lady, Bubulina.

• 1:53Speaker 03

  Bubulina?

• 1:54Stavros Halkias?

  Bubulina, yeah. It wasn't fat, even though that is a fat lady's name. And... She was like, she was really, she was like a sailing genius or some shit.

• 2:03Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 2:04Stavros Halkias?

  It's been a while since I've brushed up on my, but that's the one lady from Greek Revolutionary War that I think, you know, that I remember.

• 2:10Speaker 03

  I could be bubblina, I could be bubblina for fucking Halloween next year. I have to do nothing. I'm ready to go. There's no costume. Let the mullet grow in a little longer.

• 2:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, a headscarf and just the end of the mullet coming out.

• 2:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, just the little peaks. Yeah, it's nice. Uh huh. I could do that easily.

• 2:24Stavros Halkias?

  Nice.

• 2:24Speaker 03

  This is nice. I love this. Were you baptized?

• 2:26Stavros Halkias?

  I was.

• 2:27Speaker 03

  Same.

• 2:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, there we go.

• 2:29Speaker 03

  Naked?

• 2:30Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah.

• 2:31Speaker 03

  What a bizarre thing.

• 2:32Stavros Halkias?

  Naked, they dunked the little kids in.

• 2:33Speaker 03

  I kept like joking to my family that I wanted to get baptized now. It just really freaked them out. I'm just full woman. Just hello, just full puss, just sitting there and staring. You wanted this.

• 2:42Stavros Halkias?

  I think they'll, I think they'll let you go ba-, I think they'll let you go bathing suit now.

• 2:46Speaker 03

  No, no, no.

• 2:46Stavros Halkias?

  No, you wanna go nude.

• 2:47Speaker 03

  Oh, I'm doing full nude. If you want me in there, I want my creepy uncle staring at it. He's always wanting to see it. I'll be, I'll be front, center, ready to go.

• 2:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, hell yeah.

• 2:56Speaker 03

  That's exactly it.

• 2:57Stavros Halkias?

  I do, the baptism is, it's, it's awesome because you have to, because you know, my brother recently had a kid, my best friend's had a kid, and I was just like thinking about like, if I'm ever in the godfather position, you have to just like, I like the ritual, as fucked up as it is to like dunk a baby and it's like, he just has a bad, like, you know, actually, one of my friends, he, the baby was like kinda sick, but like people had flown in from Greece, people flown in from like half across America, and it was like, he learned his first lesson of like, the show must go on at like 11 months old, where he's just like, he just wants to fucking hang out and we're just dunking his ass.

• 3:35Speaker 03

  Oh my god.

• 3:36Stavros Halkias?

  But I do like the ritual, I have to admit. Like the rituals, I'm not religious, and you have to be, if you're a godfather or godmother, whatever, you have to be like, do you renounce Sa-, they make you say you renounce Satan a bunch?

• 3:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, and yes, and then you have the spit, the fake spitting. I just did this by sitting with a baby too. And I was like, I'm really spitting here. But then the guy gave me the thing to read, and he gives me the microphone, and I'm killing it. I'm like, I denounce Satan and I'm getting, he's like, oh, she's good.

• 3:59Stavros Halkias?

  It feels powerful to be like, I denounce Satan. You feel like there's like a gust of wind is gonna come out. You're like vanquishing a demon. It feels like the exorcist. You're like, get back Satan. Um, yeah, it's very powerful stuff.

• 4:12Speaker 03

  It is powerful. And then he like, after the thing, he asked my dad, he goes, what is, what does this daughter do? She's very good at speaking. And my dad's like, oh, she's a comedian. He goes, oh, can you write her name down? My dad's like, I'm not, no, I can't give you, you will hate my daughter.

• 4:26Speaker 03

  Anybody but me, right down the name.

• 4:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I know. I mean, Greek people all the time, Greek churches have like, you know, they'll have like dances, whatever. And the amount of times they've asked me to do stand up at a Greek function, it's like, you don't want this guy.

• 4:41Speaker 03

  Trust me, you don't want this.

• 4:43Stavros Halkias?

  You don't want this at all.

• 4:44Speaker 03

  You really don't want this.

• 4:44Stavros Halkias?

  They have, they built like this big hall in my neighborhood. Um, when I was growing up, we had the Greek festival there. It is kinda nice and part of me is like, it would be funny to just like rent it and do a show.

• 4:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 4:56Stavros Halkias?

  At the like Greek, where the Greek festival was is for my youth.

• 4:59Speaker 03

  With like your fans.

• 5:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, with my fans, but the problem is I know, because they're like church owned, so it's like people would like sneak in, you know what I mean?

• 5:07Speaker 03

  And they probably wouldn't pay because they're like, it's the church.

• 5:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. And yeah, that's the other thing. It's like, you know, they would guilt you into just donating the money.

• 5:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 5:14Stavros Halkias?

  And it's like.

• 5:15Speaker 03

  You're like, I'm not doing all this.

• 5:16Stavros Halkias?

  Come on, let's not get fucking crazy. I'm not donating it to, we're good.

• 5:20Speaker 03

  We're good. This is my money, sorry, Jesus.

• 5:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Jesus fine. I've seen, I've seen all the gold leaf and all the ornate costumes and shit like that.

• 5:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, they get.

• 5:31Stavros Halkias?

  They're dripped out.

• 5:31Speaker 03

  They are, they're fucking.

• 5:33Stavros Halkias?

  They're truly dripped out.

• 5:33Speaker 03

  You ever seen them like walk to their cars after they take their fucking little church outfits off, they're like rolling out in fucking Mercedes. You're like, you're, you're doing good, priest.

• 5:41Stavros Halkias?

  They definitely are. So you were Baptist. So wait, where, where in Canada did you grow up?

• 5:46Speaker 03

  Toronto.

• 5:46Stavros Halkias?

  In Toronto?

• 5:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, the actual Toronto, there's this one Bulgarian church in Toronto and it was actually in the, it was in the projects. And it was so ghetto. So like, you know, I think the same thing where you have to walk around Easter, you walk around outside the church with the candles.

• 5:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, of course.

• 5:58Speaker 03

  Then all of a sudden we hear gunshots like, okay, back games, all these old folks are running back in the fucking thing. It was so fucked up.

• 6:04Stavros Halkias?

  That, that was the church I, that my church was the shitty, like.

• 6:08Speaker 03

  Because they don't even shit it away.

• 6:09Stavros Halkias?

  It's the middle of Baltimore and like we're, you know, and when I was growing up, it was shitty and you could tell. And in the nineties, they made, there were enough Greeks where there's like, you know, they made like three other churches in the burbs, but Saint Nick's, we're hanging on strong, baby. Right there on Ponca Street, yep, the 500 block. And the area has gotten a little better, you know? We, what happened was there was a Greek, there was a, you know, there's always disgrace with local politicians in Baltimore.

• 6:34Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 6:35Stavros Halkias?

  And I think. Like there was a police commissioner that like was embezzling or something. And the like interim guy was just happened to be a Greek guy like this some lieutenant and he just like. Diverted so many funds to Greek town and they just started like. Completely breaking, you know, civil rights laws and just arresting whoever. And they were just went full Rudy Giuliani on it until, you know, that guy also lost his job. And I think that was enough for the the conservative Greeks that moved to the burbs were like, you know what? We like what was going on over there. We'll come, we'll come back.

• 7:08Speaker 03

  We're coming back.

• 7:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, we'll come back. So it's been a little gentrified, but um.

• 7:13Speaker 03

  Did you watch that movie My Big Frick Greek Wedding?

• 7:15Stavros Halkias?

  Did I watch it?

• 7:16Speaker 03

  So that house was right on the corner of my, my parents' house. That's what I walked through from high school every day. We'd walk by. And I'd always be like, just maybe an extra.

• 7:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 7:23Speaker 03

  I'd linger around outside the bed like, hello, like, what the heck?

• 7:27Stavros Halkias?

  They had Joey Fatone. That was as a youth.

• 7:29Speaker 03

  Joey Fatone cannot act.

• 7:29Stavros Halkias?

  As a youth, that pissed me the fuck off.

• 7:32Speaker 03

  I hate that.

• 7:32Stavros Halkias?

  Cause it's like, look, and no disrespect to Joey Fatone.

• 7:35Speaker 03

  I'm disrespecting, his acting is bad.

• 7:37Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, I don't, I didn't even care about the acting. I was just like, this man is not Greek. Like I was mad.

• 7:44Stavros Halkias?

  Like I had the original, like, they're taking our stories and they're putting Italians. They're just substituting Italians for Greeks. And maybe, you know. You know, Neve Vardalos is a hero in the Greek community. I won't hear a bad word about her.

• 7:57Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 7:57Stavros Halkias?

  Maybe she needed that N'Sync bump.

• 7:59Speaker 03

  I don't think she did.

• 8:01Stavros Halkias?

  I think, I think.

• 8:02Speaker 03

  Andrea Mar was in there. That was a good bump. SCTV, she's so fucking funny.

• 8:06Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, it was, it was well, but I just think it's like a, every, when you're making an indie movie, every little. Oh, and the guy from N'Sync is, you know what I mean? Like every little, you know, sprinkling, like I definitely, when I made my movie, I was just like. Whoever the fuck. And I got a lot of, you know, I got a lot of my friends. Um, but then, you know, we got, the production company just knew CM Punk, the wrestler. He's the man. He was fucking awesome. He's famous as shit. And he was really good in his role, but we were just like, yeah. Let's get, let's get fucking CM Punk in the mix.

• 8:35Speaker 03

  I need one, I can, I'm writing something right now and I, I ran into Marshawn Lynch at the porn awards, actually. And I was dizzling weird before he remembered me. I'm like, I'm writing a movie, I want you to do it. He's like, alright. I'm like, I will use anybody I've ever met in my life. I'll give a shit's ass, what the fuck?

• 8:48Stavros Halkias?

  I love that. You could have been, you could have been casting at the porn. Oh yeah, because you hosted the AVN Awards. I'm jealous. That's honestly a, a, a

• 8:56Speaker 03

  Thank you so much.

• 8:57Stavros Halkias?

  A career goal of mine.

• 8:58Speaker 03

  It, here's the thing.

• 8:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 9:00Speaker 03

  It was amazing.

• 9:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 9:02Speaker 03

  The men here, maybe you'd be different.

• 9:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 9:04Speaker 03

  But they were so happy with me because they'd had male comedians for the last 10 years.

• 9:08Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 9:08Speaker 03

  Making fun of them. This is their awards. They don't want to be made fun of, they want to feel like they're part of it.

• 9:15Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, of course.

• 9:16Speaker 03

  I opened on being like, wow, this is the only room in Las Vegas right now with no STDs.

• 9:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 9:20Speaker 03

  And they were like, what? You know, and they're like, one guy stood up, and I was like, oh fuck.

• 9:24Stavros Halkias?

  A positive joke, they didn't understand it?

• 9:26Speaker 03

  And they were like, so the whole thing was just me like making fun of myself, and then I kind of made fun of how disgusting men are in porn, but like, the rest of it was like so nice.

• 9:33Stavros Halkias?

  That's great though, that's fun.

• 9:33Speaker 03

  They loved it.

• 9:34Stavros Halkias?

  I think that's fun because it's like, that's an inside joke.

• 9:38Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 9:38Stavros Halkias?

  It's not, because especially, I probably, when they're saying making fun of them, and when people make fun of that industry, it's so much misogyny.

• 9:45Speaker 03

  Oh, yes.

• 9:46Stavros Halkias?

  That's just like thinly veiled as like moral.

• 9:48Speaker 03

  Uh-huh.

• 9:48Stavros Halkias?

  But you're right, they don't go after the guys.

• 9:50Speaker 03

  No, never.

• 9:51Stavros Halkias?

  They always go after like the women in that industry. So I feel like they, even just shitting on the dudes was probably like a breath of fresh air.

• 9:57Speaker 03

  Yes, and I call, I had like three name references, and like they stood up and cheered. Like Charles Darrow, if you know that guy, he's like so scruffy, he's like, I said that I have a thicker, um, happy trail than him. And he's like, yes you do! And I'm like, what the hell is going on? I was so into it.

• 10:11Stavros Halkias?

  That's awesome.

• 10:12Speaker 03

  But I started to beef with this one guy.

• 10:13Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, nice.

• 10:14Speaker 03

  So, there was like this, the pre-opening show thing was like this guy, Ryan Powell, has this big podcast. He wanted to have these, I guess, porn stars telling stories, funny stories.

• 10:24Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 10:24Speaker 03

  Stick to the sucky in the cock, okay? The story's not so funny, so I had to go first.

• 10:29Stavros Halkias?

  You don't want us taking two dicks at the same time.

• 10:32Speaker 03

  Trust me, I would, my double penetration, you'd call the police. I'd be shitting everywhere, my hemorrhoids would be out, you'd just tell.

• 10:38Stavros Halkias?

  The guys would be sad.

• 10:38Speaker 03

  The guys would be like, not hard.

• 10:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, the police have, they weren't a blanket, they're like shivering.

• 10:45Speaker 03

  They're crying. First time I've ever cried. But like, I go onstage and there's these three porn stars, two women and a man. I've never seen this guy in my life. So I walk up and I'm like, "Who the hell are you?" And he's already judging me. And I'm already annoyed by him. He's like, "What?"

• 10:57Stavros Halkias?

  So he's the funny guy in porn?

• 10:59Speaker 03

  He's supposed to be the funny guy in porn. Everyone knows him. I've never seen this guy in my life. He's on this panel.

• 11:04Stavros Halkias?

  Big issue. The funny person and who's not actually funny.

• 11:07Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 11:08Stavros Halkias?

  But is for their thing. When an actual funny person comes around, they hate that.

• 11:11Speaker 03

  Oh, he hated it. So he's already, I can see this much. And I go, "Who the hell are you?" I go, "You porn star?" And the crowd's kinda like gasping. And I go, "You look like a cruise ship magician." Hated that. Hated that. So I do my story. It's fine. There's no light on the stage. I'm screaming at people. I do well. Everyone else gives me a 10 out of 10 for my story. Gets to him, he gives me a four. And I go, "Oh, is it because I called you magician?"

• 11:33Stavros Halkias?

  Hater.

• 11:34Speaker 03

  Because he's not funny with everyone. And I go, "Okay." And then he goes, "Yeah, at least my, no, at least my dick is bigger than that fucking nose of yours." And I go, "Well, at least I don't have to inject mine to get a heart. It's just naturally like this." And I didn't realize there was rumors that he injects his penis. So the whole crowd is like, "I've never gotten the bigger pop in my life." Like, people were like, "Whoa, losing their fucking minds."

• 11:57Stavros Halkias?

  You just randomly got him.

• 11:59Speaker 03

  I got him so good. And then he got so pissed.

• 12:01Stavros Halkias?

  That's beautiful.

• 12:02Speaker 03

  And he goes, "Yeah, well, no one wants to fuck you anyways." I go, "I hope not. If you wanna fuck me, you wanna fuck Danny DeVito's Penguin. Nobody wants to fuck this." And then that got him again. So now I like, I'm on a roll.

• 12:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 12:13Speaker 03

  He got so pissed.

• 12:14Stavros Halkias?

  You judo rolled into his, into his like choke. You're like, "Ugh."

• 12:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, okay, make fun of my nose, asshole, as if I haven't. I love when people trouble with my nose. They're like, "Oh, fuck it. You think I walk around with this going, 'What a tiny little petite nose I have.'"

• 12:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 12:27Speaker 03

  You think I don't fucking deserve choking, babe?

• 12:29Stavros Halkias?

  You've had, you've had to cut 20 minutes of jokes, nose jokes.

• 12:33Speaker 03

  Yes, literally.

• 12:33Stavros Halkias?

  Because you're like, "It's getting too much."

• 12:34Speaker 03

  It's hack now. Yeah, Toucan Sam, fucking Penguin, whatever the fuck. Yeah, I know. I know what I look like. Nosferatu, I just watched it. I'm like, "Put a bald cap on me. I am Nosferatu. It's terrifying." I'm like, "It's like scary." But yeah, I was like, anyway, so the whole, that was sort of like a riff. And then I got like, I was into it. I was like, "You fucked it the wrong way."

• 12:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's awesome.

• 12:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, it was fun.

• 12:55Stavros Halkias?

  So he was a porn, he's a porn star?

• 12:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's, what's weird is I've never...

• 12:59Stavros Halkias?

  There is something weird is go, well, first of all, to know male porn stars, that's a mental illness. You know what I mean, like, like when straight guys who beat off so much.

• 13:11Speaker 03

  No, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 13:12Stavros Halkias?

  That they have preferences, and not even in a gay way, just in like, I, I like the way he fucks the girls I jack off to, or like, like, that's when we start going, when you, yeah, when you can tell like what, you know, you know their balls from the, from the behind, from the doggy angle.

• 13:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 13:28Stavros Halkias?

  That horrible angle, but I don't understand who's, who's enjoying that, it's like mostly his ass and just a little bit of the girl underneath. When you know like, his nuts, that's a problem.

• 13:38Speaker 03

  Who's that for, honestly, who is that for?

• 13:40Stavros Halkias?

  I guess, I guess that's from, you know, back, a vestige before gay porn was widely available.

• 13:46Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 13:46Stavros Halkias?

  That's my only guess.

• 13:47Speaker 03

  That makes sense.

• 13:48Stavros Halkias?

  Cause from that angle, you can kind of be like, maybe he's fucking a guy.

• 13:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 13:53Stavros Halkias?

  That's my only, you know, the way every movie had to have tits in it in the seventies and eighties, cause like, kids would go to jack off, you know what I mean, like, the way Porky's was just like, well.

• 14:03Speaker 03

  Porky's is disgusting.

• 14:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, but it was mostly a pornography vehicle.

• 14:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 14:07Stavros Halkias?

  It's celery and the tits were the dip that you're eating. No one cares about the fucking, no one cares about the story of Porky's, you know? Yeah, yeah.

• 14:16Speaker 03

  Heart of choked dip.

• 14:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 14:18Speaker 03

  I just saw what Sebastian Stan's dick in, um.

• 14:21Stavros Halkias?

  What's that?

• 14:22Speaker 03

  What's the guy, Sebastian Stan's, I was saying, in A Different Man. I love seeing full dick and balls in, in movies.

• 14:27Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, I didn't even know you'd see his dick.

• 14:29Speaker 03

  Oh, I had a nice gander, yeah, it's just, it's just nice to have, it's a change up.

• 14:32Stavros Halkias?

  That guy's.

• 14:32Speaker 03

  There's tits and dick, it should be like both.

• 14:34Stavros Halkias?

  I agree. Well, first of all, we've gotten away from tits in movies in a way that pisses me off.

• 14:39Speaker 03

  Have we?

• 14:40Stavros Halkias?

  I think so. Like, yeah.

• 14:42Speaker 03

  Wow, you had that so ready, Jesus Christ.

• 14:47Stavros Halkias?

  I think like action movies, I mean nudity in general, I think film is a, you should be, that should be like, sure, it can be high minded, but it should also be cheap thrills. You know what I mean, where it's like, every action movie used to have just a little scene of tits. You know, and I don't, and by the way, we can get dick in the mix too.

• 15:05Speaker 03

  I want, I like it all.

• 15:06Stavros Halkias?

  I just want it all back.

• 15:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, let's bring it all back.

• 15:09Stavros Halkias?

  It used to be too much just women. And then it was like, you know, and then they were like kind of showing dick like as a political statement, like we're not misogynist.

• 15:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 15:18Stavros Halkias?

  And now it's just gone to like this sanitized, like this sanitized, like, every action movies. Um, you know, a fucking comic book movie. Everything has to be for kids. Everything has to be like, oh, we also need to sell it to China. Like, it has to be so, so, like, appeal to everyone.

• 15:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 15:37Stavros Halkias?

  Where they won't just show fat knockers in between kills.

• 15:41Speaker 03

  Fat knockers.

• 15:44Stavros Halkias?

  And that takes a movie to the next level. Same thing with fat cock. Throw a cock out there, absolutely, but why do we have, why is it only an arthouse movie? Where you see cock?

• 15:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 15:55Stavros Halkias?

  Why can't cock be in a fucking John Wick 6? You know what I mean? Why can't we see John Wick's dick? And maybe not, you know, Keanu's, he's an accomplished man at this point, but a younger guy. Like, the way every hot actress has to show her tits pretty, like, Sydney's, like,

• 16:10Speaker 03

  Right away.

• 16:11Stavros Halkias?

  Let's make fucking Paul Mescal show his cock. You know what I mean? Barry What's-his-face did it. Salute to him. Let's get more cock out there, and let's also keep the tits rolling.

• 16:20Speaker 03

  Well, let's keep them out. I love the way, I, I hear you say fat knockers after I just watched you eat a hot dog for breakfast. It's just very bizarre.

• 16:27Stavros Halkias?

  It's a chicken sausage with a paleo bun. The macros are very good. It's meant to look like a hot dog to trick your brain.

• 16:35Speaker 03

  Okay, but I'm just saying a hot dog for breakfast is what I'm, my point here is.

• 16:40Stavros Halkias?

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• 17:21Stavros Halkias?

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• 18:03Stavros Halkias?

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• 18:48Speaker 03

  Wait, would you show your dick in a movie?

• 18:49Stavros Halkias?

  My dick's too small to show.

• 18:51Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 18:52Stavros Halkias?

  But, maybe at a point...

• 18:53Speaker 03

  Wow, thank you for your honesty.

• 18:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, if my dick was bigger, don't you think it'd be, like, I'm naked, fully, like, I've been nude pretty much in every other way.

• 19:03Speaker 03

  Can you fluff it?

• 19:05Stavros Halkias?

  Even the fluff...

• 19:06Speaker 03

  Even when the fluff thing is so small?

• 19:07Stavros Halkias?

  It's just...

• 19:08Speaker 03

  What are we talking about? How small?

• 19:09Stavros Halkias?

  Soft?

• 19:10Speaker 03

  No, hard.

• 19:11Stavros Halkias?

  Hard? It's a regular dick, hard, but it looks bad, small.

• 19:14Speaker 03

  Okay, well, yeah, most look bad when they're soft.

• 19:17Stavros Halkias?

  That's what I'm saying, it's like, it's, I have to, you know, you wanna, you wanna show a nice dick.

• 19:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, they're fluff.

• 19:24Stavros Halkias?

  I can fluff it to the point where it's like, it's like that, that breaking point? Like when water's outside, it's just about to turn into ice? You can get it right before it's a boner, you know what I mean? Like, when it's like, as long as it's gonna be, but it hasn't, like...

• 19:38Speaker 03

  Yes, okay.

• 19:38Stavros Halkias?

  Maybe, with the right lighting.

• 19:41Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 19:41Stavros Halkias?

  If I lose a couple pounds, if we have like, um, like, if we tape back all my around the dick fat? To kinda really push it and show every, maybe I would consider it?

• 19:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, okay, if you lost that fat.

• 19:56Stavros Halkias?

  If you lost the gunt?

• 19:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:57Stavros Halkias?

  Then maybe I should dick, and then I say that? And you know what? I do wanna get to the point where I'll show even my little ass dick. Because that's the final, I've said this before, that's the final like, that's the final mountain to climb over body positivity.

• 20:11Speaker 03

  It is.

• 20:12Stavros Halkias?

  Cause like, everyone finds beauty, even in like, like fat women are treated bad by society, but there are people who find beauty and they really like that, whatever.

• 20:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, but those people keep it that to themselves, they don't say anything.

• 20:23Stavros Halkias?

  And we're, and we're, and listen, you can put a model up there, but like, and I think, I think people will, will grow to accept beauty in all its forms.

• 20:33Speaker 03

  Really?

• 20:34Stavros Halkias?

  Eventually, I think we're kind of, we're at least sort of like, there's definitely a backlash.

• 20:38Speaker 03

  Do you wanna read the, the comments I got this morning about being a fat trans?

• 20:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 20:42Speaker 03

  It's not going away, man.

• 20:44Stavros Halkias?

  It's not going away.

• 20:44Speaker 03

  It's not going, it's getting worse.

• 20:46Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, I, I'm just saying, there is a, I can see a world, where like, like right now, these people, like, we kinda, like over, maybe you could argue overcorrected, and then these people feel like they wanna attack something, so they're like, uh, why, why are fat girls models or whatever, right? I just don't see any scenario where a little dick is put on display, and anyone goes, "Good for you." You know, even the other, even the other little dicked wouldn't stand up. Because they don't wanna, they don't wanna say, like, at least other fat women, when it's like a fat model, will be like, "Good for you."

• 21:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:20Stavros Halkias?

  No little dick guy is gonna be like, "Meet," cause it's like, no one knows your dick is small, and then you would, then you would, I'm, so I'm not saying it's easy, don't get me wrong.

• 21:28Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 21:29Stavros Halkias?

  I'm just saying the tru, the final hurdle is to accept even little ass dicks, as like aesthetic beauty, you know, to accept that, so.

• 21:37Speaker 03

  But all these statues, they all had like little peepees back in the day, all these like, you mean, and we all idolized them.

• 21:43Stavros Halkias?

  Well, ancient Greeks, I mean, that's, that's when society was run right.

• 21:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, little peepees were, were taking over.

• 21:49Stavros Halkias?

  Well, they say that like, it was, they looked at a little dick was a sign of like, being classy.

• 21:55Speaker 03

  Really?

• 21:56Stavros Halkias?

  That you were thought to be a brute if you had a big ass dick.

• 21:58Speaker 03

  Well, there you go, Mr. Classover.

• 22:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, dude.

• 22:01Speaker 03

  Mr. Fucking Class.

• 22:02Stavros Halkias?

  I'm, I'm in finishing school right now. I'm getting, I'm getting ready for a cotillion.

• 22:09Stavros Halkias?

  But yes, definitely things shift. But so, I guess just a final answer to your question. Yes, I will show my little dick some at some point. Because it's for the, for the, for the cause.

• 22:21Speaker 03

  For the cause.

• 22:21Stavros Halkias?

  For the little dick, for the little dickhead that will come after me.

• 22:25Speaker 03

  I think it would help. Did you see that one video where there's all those like micro penis guys? Met up, it was like a talk show years ago.

• 22:31Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, the Howard Stern, Howard Stern had like guys with their little ass dicks.

• 22:34Speaker 03

  Was it Howard Stern? I saw it was like a talk show in like Britain and they were all were like talking about, they were like crying and then I feel like the comments on that video were, nobody was supporting that.

• 22:43Stavros Halkias?

  Well, micro is a whole nother level.

• 22:44Speaker 03

  Micro is different.

• 22:46Stavros Halkias?

  Micro is like, you know, that's just a very, a debilitating, like.

• 22:51Speaker 03

  You know, Alex Pavone said this once, and I, I think he's true. He says that he's like, I don't think micro people, penises should have to pay taxes. And I think he's right.

• 22:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I agree with him.

• 23:00Speaker 03

  You can't, that's like, that's like when people get mad at my nose. I'm like, I can't help this. You can't, I'm not like, I, I was with a micro once.

• 23:05Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, really?

• 23:06Speaker 03

  I'll tell you what, that's the best acting I've ever done in my life. I should have been nominated for a fucking Globe. Acting like I felt that inside me, I was like, ah!

• 23:17Stavros Halkias?

  No way. No.

• 23:20Speaker 03

  I swear to God. I am not, that, no.

• 23:23Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 23:23Speaker 03

  Because I, I kept trying to jerk it off. And he's like, no, it's good. I'm like, no, let me in there. And then like, I had like a, just one little slot open in my blinds and the light shone in and I was like, and it was like a horror movie. Just this little tiny, it looked like a little, like, you know, you know when you get corn? And you have two little corn things that you stick at the end? That little corn thing, the little corn things that you stick in the end. Yeah, but like, soft.

• 23:44Stavros Halkias?

  See, if your dick is that small, you have to almost be like, I don't effectively have a dick. Right? I'm going to, we're gonna have a form of like, closer to lesbian sex. Where you just have to kind of lick my little ass clit dick. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, humping, eating pussy.

• 24:02Speaker 03

  Lot of eating puss.

• 24:03Stavros Halkias?

  Finger popping, all that kind of stuff. Which I'm not, myself, I'm not unfamiliar with that. Because again, though not micro, like I said, nothing to, and it's like, my dick's not getting hard every time either. So that's a tough one.

• 24:15Speaker 03

  Why? What's going on down there?

• 24:17Stavros Halkias?

  A lot of unhealthiness.

• 24:18Speaker 03

  It's the, it's the breakfast hot dogs.

• 24:21Stavros Halkias?

  You know what's hilarious? The breakfast hot dog era, the last month has been one of the healthier months of my life.

• 24:27Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 24:27Stavros Halkias?

  Compared to like what was going on before. I mean, we're talking eating like shit, you know, taking, you know, getting fucked up.

• 24:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:34Stavros Halkias?

  Being fat as shit, plus high, plus drunk.

• 24:37Speaker 03

  Yeah. You're all, you're out, you know, plus the two ring, you're slopping around.

• 24:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, there's no, that's not a formula for.

• 24:45Speaker 03

  No.

• 24:46Stavros Halkias?

  For the hardest, the hardest prick of all time.

• 24:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, I wonder, I guess, I never thought about that. I'm like, I guess if I was like eating like that too, you probably wouldn't. It's always wet down there because it's, I might be sick actually. I was like, no, ladies are always wet. They're like, no, I'm like, oh, fuck. It's a hole. It's an organ. It's an open hole. It's part of my body.

• 25:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I, I do envy that of like, you know, at the end of the day.

• 25:09Speaker 03

  I don't do anything.

• 25:09Stavros Halkias?

  It's still there, you know?

• 25:10Speaker 03

  It's still there.

• 25:11Stavros Halkias?

  You can figure something out.

• 25:12Speaker 03

  I tell people I got a big pussy. My boyfriend likes it and he's real.

• 25:18Speaker 03

  Like I say that and people are like, one, somebody one time thought, he was a hired actor. I swear to God.

• 25:23Stavros Halkias?

  Your boyfriend?

• 25:23Speaker 03

  My boyfriend, because he's hot. So people are like, yo, bro, who's that fucking guy?

• 25:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 25:26Speaker 03

  And I'm like, he's, he's, he's, um, Shooter McGavin's nephew.

• 25:30Stavros Halkias?

  Whoa.

• 25:31Speaker 03

  So he looks exactly like Shooter McGavin. So people never believe that he's real. Yes, yes, yes.

• 25:34Stavros Halkias?

  That's awesome. Does he ever like putt, like a dildo into your pussy?

• 25:38Speaker 03

  No, but he should. I, I could lie there and he could get a hole in one. It could just, my pussy's like, could just plop right in. I could probably make the hole, the ball disappear, but ooh. See you later. Fun magic trick.

• 25:50Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that's, that is hilarious that they're just like mad that you could date.

• 25:54Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 25:55Stavros Halkias?

  Unattractive guy.

• 25:56Speaker 03

  They're, they're pissed. Any, any man on the internet. I don't, every man on the internet hates me.

• 26:01Stavros Halkias?

  They just want you to not have happiness.

• 26:03Speaker 03

  They, they want, they think they don't and they think they hate, they just hate because I yell at men a lot in my clips.

• 26:08Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right. And you should know your place.

• 26:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, I should know my place. Guess what? My place feels pretty good. My boyfriend's pretty hot, so I don't give a shit.

• 26:14Stavros Halkias?

  How did you guys meet?

• 26:15Speaker 03

  At a show.

• 26:16Stavros Halkias?

  There you go.

• 26:17Speaker 03

  He came in with his uncle.

• 26:18Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, look at that.

• 26:19Speaker 03

  A year and a half ago and everyone was bombing and then I saw Shooter McGavin, I'm like, why is Shooter McGavin at the Laugh Factory?

• 26:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 26:26Speaker 03

  In front of 12 people.

• 26:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 26:27Speaker 03

  And I was like, holy fuck. And then I went up and um, I was like really, really bringing it. Like, did you have a celebrity in the crowd?

• 26:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 26:34Speaker 03

  And you're like, well, we're not doing crowd work tonight.

• 26:35Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 26:36Speaker 03

  We're doing the A.

• 26:36Stavros Halkias?

  The A stuff, yeah.

• 26:37Speaker 03

  And then I went up, I went up like a bat out of hell and then we kind of started talking onstage and then.

• 26:42Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, from stage?

• 26:43Speaker 03

  Oh, because I asked a dick pic question, I'm like, who's taking any? Nobody answered me and then he yells out, I'm like, Shooter McGavin's son? Because I didn't know who he was. I'm like, what the fuck is he talking for? And then I went over after and I fangirled because I'm a fucking psycho. I'm like, hello, sorry Shooter, because Happy Gilmore's in one of his movies.

• 26:58Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, it's a banger.

• 26:58Speaker 03

  So I shook his hand and then um.

• 27:00Stavros Halkias?

  And he's, it feels like he's fallen on some hard times. He probably enjoyed getting fanned over.

• 27:05Speaker 03

  He loved it. He was also blackout drunk.

• 27:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 27:07Speaker 03

  So he was just like, wow.

• 27:09Stavros Halkias?

  In fact, when he got a DUI, I believe he mentioned being Shooter McGavin.

• 27:13Speaker 03

  Probably.

• 27:16Speaker 03

  Yes, probably. You think that would help?

• 27:18Stavros Halkias?

  I don't think it did. I think he ultimately, well, who knows? He only got caught for the one. So it might have helped in the past.

• 27:24Speaker 03

  And he's doing fine now.

• 27:25Stavros Halkias?

  He's doing good now. We got Happy Gilmore 2 on the way.

• 27:27Speaker 03

  He's great.

• 27:28Stavros Halkias?

  He was in a couple, he was in something else recently.

• 27:30Speaker 03

  Hacks.

• 27:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 27:31Speaker 03

  He fucking killed it, Hacks.

• 27:32Stavros Halkias?

  He was great in Hacks, he was great in Hacks.

• 27:33Speaker 03

  Did you watch Hacks? Hello, I was in Hacks, excuse me.

• 27:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 27:37Speaker 03

  Where's my credit?

• 27:37Stavros Halkias?

  Shooter was great. Meg Stalter, uh, geez, who else?

• 27:43Speaker 03

  Look, I had a small role.

• 27:46Speaker 03

  So he's praised me, my god. This is all I have.

• 27:49Stavros Halkias?

  That's awesome. Oh, tru- truly, uh, yeah, that's, that's real how male comics get hot girlfriends.

• 27:56Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 27:56Stavros Halkias?

  Respect to you.

• 27:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:58Stavros Halkias?

  You are, you are a pioneer.

• 28:00Speaker 03

  I'm a pioneer?

• 28:00Stavros Halkias?

  You're the bubulina. I'm getting hotter.

• 28:03Speaker 03

  I'm bubulina. I am, I'm gonna go Google bubulina, I can't wait.

• 28:07Stavros Halkias?

  She was the first admiral, the first female admiral.

• 28:09Speaker 03

  Really?

• 28:10Stavros Halkias?

  And maybe any Navy, I believe, but.

• 28:12Speaker 03

  I love this.

• 28:12Stavros Halkias?

  So there you go.

• 28:13Speaker 03

  We're getting bubulina up here, I need to fucking see what I, I need to see what I fucking. There I am!

• 28:17Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, that's you.

• 28:18Speaker 03

  That's so funny, that actually is me. Holy fuck!

• 28:22Stavros Halkias?

  Oh my god! I hadn't seen a picture in forever.

• 28:25Speaker 03

  My.

• 28:29Speaker 03

  That's actually me.

• 28:31Stavros Halkias?

  Holy shit.

• 28:31Speaker 03

  Holy fuck.

• 28:34Speaker 03

  That's my exact nose. That's fucking crazy.

• 28:37Stavros Halkias?

  Don't you dare pull up some Albanian propaganda that says she's Albanian.

• 28:42Speaker 03

  No, don't, don't.

• 28:43Stavros Halkias?

  No, get out of here. No, go to her Wikipedia. See even technologies against you. For those listening at home, Elders tried to pull up some virus written. It literally crashed our computer. Cause you tried to fucking find an article and said, "The heroin of, uh, the war of 1821 was Albanian." You fucking piece of shit. Check the website. Great. Now we lost, now we lost the episode. No, we didn't. We're good. We lost the episode cause fucking Elders can't.

• 29:11Speaker 03

  We'll start and say everything the exact same way.

• 29:15Stavros Halkias?

  God damn it, you fucking idiot. Was that worth it, man?

• 29:20Speaker 03

  That was worth me seeing bubbling. I can't believe how accurate you were.

• 29:23Stavros Halkias?

  That's literally you. Yeah, holy shit.

• 29:24Speaker 03

  You know who people have been calling me recently, which is almost more offensive than Osvaru? The guy that dresses up like a woman in MASH.

• 29:30Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow. Uh, what's his name?

• 29:32Speaker 03

  What's his fucking name?

• 29:33Stavros Halkias?

  Not Hawkeye. Is it Hawkeye?

• 29:35Speaker 03

  No, it's, um, what's his fucking name? You're gonna find it.

• 29:37Stavros Halkias?

  I don't remember.

• 29:38Speaker 03

  This is, this has been my new trolling.

• 29:40Stavros Halkias?

  He's panicking now, making sure he's not, he hasn't lost the episode.

• 29:46Speaker 03

  Whatever that guy's name is, that's my new, that's the new trolling.

• 29:49Stavros Halkias?

  I know what he looks like. Yeah, that's kind of a throwback troll.

• 29:51Speaker 03

  It is. I was like, really? We're gonna do that? Also, I don't hate it because it's more original than.

• 29:55Stavros Halkias?

  It is.

• 29:56Speaker 03

  Or I get the guy in Despicable Me. That guy is the main one.

• 30:00Stavros Halkias?

  Gru.

• 30:00Speaker 03

  Gru. Hate that one.

• 30:02Stavros Halkias?

  That's all nose based though.

• 30:04Speaker 03

  That's all nose based. I lost 35 fucking pounds. Suck my dick.

• 30:09Speaker 03

  Shit.

• 30:10Stavros Halkias?

  Thirty five, nice. Were you trying to, you were just like, was there a moment where you were like, oh, for the special?

• 30:15Speaker 03

  Well, cause I, I, this is so sick. I didn't, I was like, I know I'm gonna be trolled, cause that's what happens.

• 30:19Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 30:20Speaker 03

  I, I didn't wanna be called, I knew it was gonna be called ugly, unfunny, and trans. I'm like, I still want fat to be part of it.

• 30:27Speaker 03

  Let's just get fat out there.

• 30:28Stavros Halkias?

  Let's control what we can control.

• 30:34Speaker 03

  And it worked, so I lost 35 pounds and um it's hard to keep it off.

• 30:37Stavros Halkias?

  Nice, congrats.

• 30:39Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:40Stavros Halkias?

  What'd you do?

• 30:41Speaker 03

  I did Sydney, the trainer that Caitlin Paluffo and um Jordan Johnson use.

• 30:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 30:45Speaker 03

  She's out here in New York, she's fucking magical, man, yeah, she's fucking great.

• 30:48Stavros Halkias?

  Wait, but you, you weren't here, you just met with her or what?

• 30:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, we, I did online.

• 30:52Stavros Halkias?

  On Zoom, interesting.

• 30:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, not even Zoom, she just like sent me her fitness plan.

• 30:56Stavros Halkias?

  Cool.

• 30:57Speaker 03

  Check in and stuff. I know Paluffo, Paluffo's jacked.

• 31:00Stavros Halkias?

  Paluffo's jacked, yeah.

• 31:01Speaker 03

  And she's like chiseled.

• 31:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I actually wanted to have both of them on and just talk, because we, we almost had them on at one point together and then whatever, scheduling didn't work, but then she got jacked, that's a whole, that's a whole another fun discussion.

• 31:13Speaker 03

  I know.

• 31:14Stavros Halkias?

  Getting jacked in like, you know, the 30s, it's hilarious.

• 31:18Speaker 03

  Oh yeah, yeah, it's great.

• 31:19Stavros Halkias?

  And I respect that, I would love, I would, I mean, she's like in insane shape, I just want to have big arms.

• 31:25Speaker 03

  That's it.

• 31:26Stavros Halkias?

  I don't want to be, yeah, I don't want to be like fucking in good shape.

• 31:29Speaker 03

  I'm not doing abs, abs is too much, the amount of work to get an ab, I can't dedicate that.

• 31:34Stavros Halkias?

  I think that's mostly not eating.

• 31:36Speaker 03

  It's, it's a lot of not eating, it's also no drinking and I, baby likes to sit. Oh, baby's having a couple cocktails today, I'll tell you that.

• 31:44Stavros Halkias?

  What was the first, what was the first uh time you got drunk in, in Toronto? Or as a youth?

• 31:50Speaker 03

  As a youth? Um, I used to see my parents screwing off ices all the time.

• 31:53Stavros Halkias?

  Love that.

• 31:54Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm, but there was one party member, I think it was grade nine, I, I got a bottle of this um lemon rum, Cardi lemon rum.

• 32:01Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, nice.

• 32:01Speaker 03

  And I barfed everywhere, I passed out on my friend's dildo and woke up and I was like, my bad! And I was like, also who's using a dildo in grade nine, that's crazy.

• 32:11Stavros Halkias?

  A 9th grader with a dildo, and we're not, we're not talking vibrator, we're talking dildo?

• 32:15Speaker 03

  It was, it was a vibrator dildo, but it was like the long, like those long white ones, and I was like, what?

• 32:19Stavros Halkias?

  Oh wow.

• 32:20Speaker 03

  I didn't know I had a hole down there until like, I was, I don't know, grade 12?

• 32:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 32:24Speaker 03

  I'm very Canadian, I was like, okay. 12th grade.

• 32:26Stavros Halkias?

  We figured it out.

• 32:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, cuz I didn't wear a tampon. I didn't know there's a hole. I'm like, you're fucking shoving that up you in 9th grade. It's crazy.

• 32:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's, that is, that is pretty advanced. 9th grade is what? 12, 13, 14?

• 32:39Speaker 03

  Maybe 14, 15?

• 32:40Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 32:40Speaker 03

  I don't know, I think so.

• 32:41Stavros Halkias?

  To get the tools out at that age is pretty early.

• 32:44Speaker 03

  Advance to be getting your clips blown to smithereens. That's early.

• 32:48Stavros Halkias?

  What's that friend up to these days? How's, how's her life turned out?

• 32:51Speaker 03

  I don't know. She lived actually beside the house that they filmed, um, Big Brother.

• 32:56Stavros Halkias?

  So she was a nudist, so she must have been pretty in touch with her.

• 32:59Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah. She showed me how to put a tampon in.

• 33:01Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 33:02Speaker 03

  She came in the bathroom one day, she lifted her leg, and I was like, what? She's like, I was like, that's a vagina. Like, you don't see your friend's pussy holes at that age. Lots to take in. It was, she was very advanced.

• 33:12Stavros Halkias?

  So she was basically your like, your sex ed teacher?

• 33:15Speaker 03

  She walked naked all the time, and I was like, what is this?

• 33:17Stavros Halkias?

  Fascinating. Were her parents like that?

• 33:19Speaker 03

  No, very nice.

• 33:20Stavros Halkias?

  They were buttoned up, nice people?

• 33:22Speaker 03

  They were nice, white, they had a yacht, they were never home, they were never home.

• 33:23Stavros Halkias?

  Ah, I see.

• 33:24Speaker 03

  That's why she was, yeah, that's what they're bizarre. I, I, I worked with a girl who's, uh, her whole family were nudists, and I was like, no, your dad's a pervert.

• 33:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 33:31Speaker 03

  Can you imagine with puberty and just you're walking around with your tits in your dad's face?

• 33:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's, that's nuts.

• 33:36Speaker 03

  That's crazy.

• 33:37Stavros Halkias?

  But I will say, some of those fucking people really just are naked, like, it is, I know what you mean, and I think that way too, because, you know, I can't fathom, like, it's just so weird to be nude, like, having nudity not, uh, connected to some form of sexual autonomy is weird to me. But, you know, some of these people, like, we had.

• 33:59Speaker 03

  Yes, if you're growing up with it too. If you're growing up and you're always naked, you're just not seeing it.

• 34:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, exactly. Like, it is weird, don't get me wrong. I hear that, and that's bizarre.

• 34:07Speaker 03

  I think it's weird.

• 34:08Stavros Halkias?

  But then I'm like, I mean, if he actually believes in nudity as like, being like, the way, then it, if he accepts it, then it would be weirder for him to be like, well, we have to be naked, but my 14-year-old daughter can't be. You know what I mean? That would be like, well.

• 34:23Speaker 03

  That would be even weirder, yeah.

• 34:24Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? Because he'd be like, put your clothes on, I don't wanna see that. You know what I mean? Like, you, you know what I mean? He almost has, and so, so we've just absolved him of being a pedophile, I guess. How's, how are we looking? You think we're gonna get the screen back, or is that done?

• 34:39Speaker 03

  I got um, I got flash, I got flash from your puss after the AVN Awards.

• 34:43Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 34:44Speaker 03

  She's like, "That was great, check this out." I was like, "Whoa." See, you would love that.

• 34:48Stavros Halkias?

  I would have.

• 34:48Speaker 03

  You would love that.

• 34:49Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, I think I would have had a pretty good time at the AVN Awards.

• 34:52Speaker 03

  I, I honestly can't stress enough how supportive these people were.

• 34:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, they're the best.

• 34:56Speaker 03

  It was crazy.

• 34:57Stavros Halkias?

  No, that's the crazy, like, people being mean to these people.

• 35:00Speaker 03

  Bizarre.

• 35:01Stavros Halkias?

  They are the nicest, truly. I am the most pro ho person on earth.

• 35:05Speaker 03

  I've never felt funnier in my life.

• 35:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 35:07Speaker 03

  The amount of people that got photos with me, I was like, "What?" Like, after, and they all, they all were so hot and so supportive, when anyone would win, they'd all go crazy.

• 35:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 35:16Speaker 03

  Some of the awards were hilarious.

• 35:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, best like, best triple anal for a, for a Latina newcomer.

• 35:25Speaker 03

  Wow, you looked at the uh...

• 35:26Stavros Halkias?

  I do my research. My guest hosts the AVN Awards, I'm gonna check some stuff out. Yeah, I've been doing, I've been preparing for this podcast for, some would say, 20 years.

• 35:36Speaker 03

  20 years. I wanna talk about how, we can't fully talk about it, but we can kinda say...

• 35:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 35:43Speaker 03

  Cause Netflix posted it, so I think I'm allowed to say it now.

• 35:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you're allowed to say it.

• 35:46Speaker 03

  I was in, I'm in this season of tires.

• 35:47Stavros Halkias?

  You are in this season of tires, yeah. You were great.

• 35:50Speaker 03

  I tried to act with you quite closely.

• 35:52Stavros Halkias?

  You were great, you were really good, you were hilarious. A very funny role.

• 35:55Speaker 03

  Very funny role.

• 35:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, really funny role, yeah. This season too, and it was so funny, cause you know, when some of these things go around, like, the role goes around, or the audition goes around, and, you know, a lot of, a lot of female comics basically read for the role.

• 36:10Speaker 03

  Every single one.

• 36:11Stavros Halkias?

  And I had a lot of, I had a lot of, uh, I had a lot of people like texting me, like, and it's like, like I have any power.

• 36:17Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 36:17Stavros Halkias?

  Like, I don't just show up and do what I'm told. It's like, it's not my fucking show, I just, uh, but, I heard from everybody, and then, and then it was like, very quickly, I think, like, someone found out that you got it, and they're like, "Oh, yeah." No one was even mad, cause you were perfect. You really were per, you were perfect for this role.

• 36:37Speaker 03

  It was the one time, cause I, all my friends now, like, read for it, and then I said I got it, they're like, "Oh, why did I even read for it?"

• 36:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 36:43Speaker 03

  So I was like, "No offense, I don't mean to anybody, this role was built for me." I pretty much played myself.

• 36:50Stavros Halkias?

  You were awesome, yeah. That's how we like to do things on tires. No one really knows how to act. We just kind of play ourselves.

• 36:55Speaker 03

  It was, I will say, like, I've done a few things now. It was, I've never felt so funny in my life than I did in that set.

• 37:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 37:02Speaker 03

  Grip guy came over, shook my hand.

• 37:03Stavros Halkias?

  Those guys are awesome.

• 37:04Speaker 03

  Grip guy, like, he was nuts.

• 37:05Stavros Halkias?

  Tires fucking rule, like.

• 37:06Speaker 03

  It was so chill. The costume people, the makeup people.

• 37:10Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, our whole.

• 37:11Speaker 03

  Everyone was amazing. I'm like, how is everyone this cool?

• 37:13Stavros Halkias?

  The whole crew is fucking cool shit. I think part of that is like filming in Philly, right? Or like around, right, in Pennsylvania? So it's like, some of these people work on like, you know, I mean, there is some production around there. So it's like, they're just a little happier to not be worried. Cause you know, they're, they work, but it's like, not that much cool shit comes around. Like, they'll also have to like travel a little bit more, like whatever's going on. So like, for them to, they're kind of at home. They're hanging out, work, they're like, the makeup people were all like, it's crazy how much easier you guys are to deal with and like, none of us fucking give a fuck.

• 37:47Speaker 03

  Well, and you're all, it's all men.

• 37:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, we're all comedians who are like, we are gonna look like shit. None of us expect to look good on TV. We're all like, well, of course we're gonna look like shit. We're fu- we all look like shit. Shane is hungover. He's about to do like a fucking five, a five-page speech and he's like, uh, he doesn't expect to be fucking, you know, I, I was just like, yeah. Do it, yeah. Oh, what are you gonna make my hair look good? Like, just fucking give me a little run-through and we're good to go.

• 38:15Speaker 03

  Put a little fucking cover on.

• 38:16Stavros Halkias?

  No, it's the best. That, that show, that show fucking rules. And I think, I really do, I have very high hopes for season two. It was so fun to shoot. We actually did it like a fucking, like a real show, whereas the first season was just like.

• 38:28Speaker 03

  Kind of, cause, yeah.

• 38:29Stavros Halkias?

  It was just like, I thought, I've said this before, I thought it was going on YouTube. Like, I thought, I thought it was like the best YouTube video ever made.

• 38:36Speaker 03

  Oh my god.

• 38:37Stavros Halkias?

  And it just turned out to be like a pretty shittily made but funny show. And now it's like, it looks, I mean, season two looks.

• 38:44Speaker 03

  McKeever's great. He's such a good director too.

• 38:46Stavros Halkias?

  McKeever's so fucking incredible.

• 38:48Speaker 03

  Cause there's ways to direct people where you can feel, like, I could tell when I did something wrong or odd, didn't like it, and the way he would word it. Like, cause everyone can hear the director talking to you.

• 38:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 38:58Speaker 03

  You know why you try it like this way?

• 39:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 39:00Speaker 03

  And I'm like, oh, okay. So in his head, he's like, I hate that first take.

• 39:03Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right, right, right.

• 39:04Speaker 03

  Then I was like, oh, I still feel good about that take and like.

• 39:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 39:07Speaker 03

  It was.

• 39:08Stavros Halkias?

  And you respect like, working with, I mean, a director, you just have to kind of like, respect what they're, what they're like. McKibben does so much work for that show. Where it's like, he, he got, I mean, on the first season in particular, he like edited everything and now, even now, he oversees everything, obviously, because he's a director, but like. A lot of it is fu- is in his fucking head. Where it's like, if that, like, he has such a clear vision for it and he's really fucking funny.

• 39:32Speaker 03

  Really funny, yeah.

• 39:32Stavros Halkias?

  He's made so much good stuff. And he obviously works so great with like, you know, with Shane, they have so much, they have such a good history together, but yeah, he's, he's the man. Um, and everybody on there is fucking funny.

• 39:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was, it's very.

• 39:45Stavros Halkias?

  We got very, yeah, we got, I'm so happy to just have stumbled into a really good show. Like, thank God, they just, thank God, they just needed, you know, people that are exactly how both of us behave.

• 39:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:59Stavros Halkias?

  You know?

• 40:01Speaker 03

  My favorite roles are literally when I just, I don't think I've ever not played myself now.

• 40:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 40:05Speaker 03

  Like in Bill Burr's Old Dads, I played that fucking pervert on the balcony. I was just this disgusting scumbag. I ate three full breakfast burritos a morning. You're not supposed to eat them. I was so sick. I went home and sent it off listening. I was so violently.

• 40:16Stavros Halkias?

  That's so fucking funny. Yeah, I mean, in the first, in the first season, I was eating something every.

• 40:21Speaker 03

  Every scene.

• 40:21Stavros Halkias?

  Every scene and I just, they were like.

• 40:23Speaker 03

  You swallow it?

• 40:24Stavros Halkias?

  A lot of it, yeah. I was just ate a couple ho- hoagies. Yeah, it didn't fucking, even this season, there's like a scene where I'm eating. It's hilarious. They're like, there's a scene where I have like, I have to have like a weird fucked up lunch. And they gave me a couple of, you know, like some anchovies, some like weird, it was like a weird, you know, assemblage of shit and I was like. You know, I think Dave would also be eating chicken tenders and fries. And I just, they just, there's like a Wendy's scene where we shoot, I was like, yeah, why don't you go over and grab some nuggets for Dave?

• 40:55Stavros Halkias?

  I just ate a full Wendy's meal with whatever the fuck and yeah, I just fucking ate all of it.

• 41:00Speaker 03

  That is so funny.

• 41:01Stavros Halkias?

  I think that's why it's funny. It's like none of us are actually, I mean, we're actors, I guess, but.

• 41:06Speaker 03

  Double cheeseburger and fries too. Dave's be shit. I ate these wings once in this Pepsi commercial and they didn't tell us they weren't fully cooked. I was so ill.

• 41:19Stavros Halkias?

  Oh my god.

• 41:20Speaker 03

  Non-union and I got paid five hundred dollars.

• 41:23Stavros Halkias?

  Who doesn't cook the wi- why would they not cook them?

• 41:25Speaker 03

  Cause they were so wor- wanting to see that there's sauce on them. So they just kept putting sauce and I was like, okay, so I kept like bite, like, okay, bite it again, but this time make it look like real.

• 41:32Stavros Halkias?

  They were telling you to bite it, then it wasn't fucking cooked?

• 41:35Speaker 03

  I ate a piece, like, well, that was kinda soft. And I ate it, oh, it was, no, it was bad. I was so fucking ill. And it's, and it's the worst commercial. All I do, it's me bowling. I put my fingers in a bowling ball and then I eat a chicken wing, lick my fingers. It was so, I'm like, you think this is funny? This is stupid.

• 41:48Stavros Halkias?

  You got paid five hundred dollars.

• 41:51Speaker 03

  Non-fucking union, five hundred bucks to get.

• 41:53Stavros Halkias?

  To get food poisoning.

• 41:54Speaker 03

  So bad.

• 41:55Stavros Halkias?

  Believe me, I'm a man who's no, who's no stranger to food poisoning from chicken wings. I have gotten it multiple times.

• 42:02Speaker 03

  Wings need to be, you need to fry chicken.

• 42:04Stavros Halkias?

  You gotta fry them hard as fuck. At this point in my, you know, at the age that I am, the wis- so these are some of the wisdom I've acquired. Is that you gotta get your wings hard fried.

• 42:15Speaker 03

  How old are you?

• 42:16Stavros Halkias?

  I'm thirty-five.

• 42:16Speaker 03

  My god, you're a young little.

• 42:18Stavros Halkias?

  I'm just a little.

• 42:19Speaker 03

  Baby boy, you're a little cherub baby.

• 42:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 42:21Speaker 03

  You're a little cherub baby boy.

• 42:22Stavros Halkias?

  Many say I look even younger than thirty-five.

• 42:28Stavros Halkias?

  Wait, how old are you?

• 42:28Speaker 03

  I'm thirty-nine. I turn forty in two weeks.

• 42:31Stavros Halkias?

  Ooh, you gonna do something special? What are you doing?

• 42:34Speaker 03

  I'm in Toronto. I'm doing Adam Ray's, um.

• 42:37Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, cool.

• 42:38Speaker 03

  Doctor Phil. Yeah, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. And then I'm doing like a sketch show, um, my old sketch partner.

• 42:43Stavros Halkias?

  Are you like, or do you have any sense of dread for turning forty? A lot of people look at, you know, milestone birthdays.

• 42:50Speaker 03

  No, I feel, I'm so scared of dying.

• 42:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 42:52Speaker 03

  Like, I don't wanna die.

• 42:53Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, sure, sure.

• 42:56Speaker 03

  Terrified, I cry every night. Um, don't love that, but I feel.

• 43:00Stavros Halkias?

  So you have an ever-present fear of death?

• 43:03Speaker 03

  Every single night. I wake up at least once and I think about it and I cry for five minutes like I'm like bad. It's so demented.

• 43:10Stavros Halkias?

  What the fuck?

• 43:11Speaker 03

  No, since I was a kid.

• 43:12Stavros Halkias?

  Really?

• 43:12Speaker 03

  Since I was like a fuck, my first earliest memories are me like three or four, my parents coming in checking on me and being like, what's wrong? I'm like, I don't wanna die. And they're like, oh shit. Like what do you say? I'm sorry, honey, you're gonna die.

• 43:23Stavros Halkias?

  It's gonna, yeah, it's so wild. Yeah, when you're, when a kid's little, it's like, that's a long time away.

• 43:27Speaker 03

  And now I'm like, it's getting pretty close.

• 43:28Stavros Halkias?

  Now it's like, you know, yeah, now it's within the, you know.

• 43:31Speaker 03

  It's within the sphere. We're here.

• 43:33Stavros Halkias?

  You could do this and kind of.

• 43:34Speaker 03

  Oh, I can see it.

• 43:35Stavros Halkias?

  If you had a fucking, you know.

• 43:37Speaker 03

  Colitis, it's completely clear.

• 43:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, damn.

• 43:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, bubbling, I probably had one of those.

• 43:43Stavros Halkias?

  She definitely did. Since you were a kid, really?

• 43:46Speaker 03

  It's psycho, yeah. It's very invasive and it takes over my head and I've tried, I've tried therapy about it. It does not help.

• 43:51Stavros Halkias?

  Doesn't work?

• 43:52Speaker 03

  No.

• 43:53Stavros Halkias?

  Was there like, did somebody die when you were really young?

• 43:55Speaker 03

  No, it makes no sense.

• 43:56Stavros Halkias?

  How did you, how were you, like, the concept of that, do you have any idea of how you first thought of it?

• 44:01Speaker 03

  No, I don't know. I might have been a movie. It's gotta be something fucking weird. And then it just sat with me.

• 44:07Stavros Halkias?

  It's like the worst movie. All Dogs Go to Heaven maybe did it to you?

• 44:10Speaker 03

  Oh my god.

• 44:10Stavros Halkias?

  That's a fucked up movie.

• 44:11Speaker 03

  That, how dare that movie ever be shown?

• 44:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 44:13Speaker 03

  Fuck you.

• 44:14Stavros Halkias?

  It's crazy. I mean, I wanna, it's been a while since I've seen it, but I remember being a kid and being like, what the fuck?

• 44:18Speaker 03

  You know a movie that really fucked me up? Kids.

• 44:21Stavros Halkias?

  Kids.

• 44:21Speaker 03

  Where the guy, the guy fucks, purposely fucks people to give them AIDS?

• 44:24Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, okay. I thought we were still talking about Children's News.

• 44:27Speaker 03

  No, no, that, well, that.

• 44:29Stavros Halkias?

  Jesus Christ. You watched that?

• 44:31Speaker 03

  You didn't see that perfume?

• 44:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it's like, I think I know why you're scared of life and dying if you saw that at three.

• 44:36Speaker 03

  All Dogs Go to Heaven and All Dogs Have AIDS. You didn't see that movie?

• 44:40Stavros Halkias?

  Andrew, god damn, that's fucking wild. So you'll just freak the fuck out about dying?

• 44:44Speaker 03

  I'll freak out. I can't discuss it because I get too into it and that's it, you know? But I'm happy. I'm, I'm like, my career's going and once my special comes out, which is gonna be on a major network that I can't say yet, but once that comes out, I think that'll help and.

• 44:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 44:57Speaker 03

  It's cool, I'm happy.

• 44:58Stavros Halkias?

  It won't help. It won't help you not think about that.

• 45:00Speaker 03

  Oh no, I'm gonna think about it more. Uh, god, I'm gonna think about it more, but.

• 45:07Speaker 03

  You know, I'm happy now. I love my dog. I love my boyfriend.

• 45:11Stavros Halkias?

  Cause like, look, I don't wanna die.

• 45:13Speaker 03

  Nobody wants to die.

• 45:14Stavros Halkias?

  I've definitely, I've definitely thought, there's definitely been like parts of like the last tour when I was getting that fucked, you know? When I'm getting so fucked up where I'm like, hmm, I'm a wildly obese comedian who just took a bunch of pills. I could just not wake up. You know, like, you know what I mean? Like, I would like, I would just go to bed being like, you know? It's on, it's on the table. I don't wake up. Like, I had that thought. But it wasn't like I'm scared of death. It was just like, I have put myself in the position where I could die. Not like I'm scared of death overall. So it's just fascinating that you've had. Just, cause you're not scared of actua- like, we had two different, we have two different phobias.

• 45:56Stavros Halkias?

  Where mine is, I'm so unhealthy, that I literally could die, right? And I, and yours is just like, death is always around the corner.

• 46:06Speaker 03

  It's, it's, cause it's always like, I don't think it's gonna be a freak accident. I just, the idea of getting like older and just dying is like, it's so bad.

• 46:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, interesting.

• 46:15Speaker 03

  Like, all this for what?

• 46:17Stavros Halkias?

  To die? What the heck? Yeah, yeah, well, there's.

• 46:20Speaker 03

  I don't wanna die.

• 46:21Stavros Halkias?

  There's no for what. It's just all the, it's like, to have a good time. And then you say that getting old and dying, whatever, but it's like, I don't know. Like, I used to be a little more, and then I see my grandmother, and it's like. She cares. She had a nice, she had a nice run of things. She's okay. She's not freaking out. Yeah, she's ninety-four, ninety-two, something like that. Uh, after ninety, it's like, you know?

• 46:42Speaker 03

  My great-grandfather's two hundred and four, Bulgarian. Ate garlic and yogurt.

• 46:46Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, there you go.

• 46:47Speaker 03

  I saw you scarf some yogurt before this.

• 46:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 46:49Speaker 03

  Toss some garlic cloves in there and you're gonna be turning around.

• 46:52Stavros Halkias?

  Not a bad idea. Not a bad idea. Yeah, and I don't know, I just feel like, yeah, whatever. Life is fucking.

• 46:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, let's not talk anymore. I'm gonna depress.

• 47:00Stavros Halkias?

  It's fascinating. No, no, no, it's just funny to think, I mean, I don't know, I think old age is, that ain't the one I'm worried about. That seems nice.

• 47:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, I kinda, but I know what you mean. Nothing. Just sit around and just fucking watch daytime TV, just, just sitting there eating. I wanna get, yeah.

• 47:15Stavros Halkias?

  I'm kind of excited. And then it's like, you know, you should be able to have a suicide pod if you were like, alright, I've gotten so fat, I'm gonna have a heart attack. Let me get in this suicide pod.

• 47:25Speaker 03

  That'd be nice.

• 47:25Stavros Halkias?

  You know, have some hot cocoa, go out. It's never too late to give up.

• 47:31Speaker 03

  That's nice, that's reassuring.

• 47:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 47:33Speaker 03

  Do you guys both plan on wearing Bucky's t-shirts today?

• 47:35Stavros Halkias?

  We didn't plan on it, no.

• 47:37Speaker 03

  What the hell?

• 47:37Stavros Halkias?

  I had no idea he was doing it, and it was just the first... Here's how I get dressed for this podcast. The first clothes that are within my grasp in my bedroom, I typically put them on.

• 47:47Speaker 03

  I was gonna say soiled sweatpants, Bucky's t-

• 47:50Stavros Halkias?

  I thought they were clean, but...

• 47:51Speaker 03

  No, they look... Gray sweatpants to me are always soiled. There's probably a jizz stain in there for sure. Or a pee drip.

• 47:59Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 47:59Speaker 03

  Why do men wear gray? You all have pee drips in your underwear. I don't know what you're doing, start wearing black underwear.

• 48:04Stavros Halkias?

  I wear black most of the time, I don't know.

• 48:06Speaker 03

  Or shit stains.

• 48:07Stavros Halkias?

  Well, that's what's interesting, is that like, I, uh, I don't have gray. What's that?

• 48:11Speaker 03

  You got smears in your undies?

• 48:12Stavros Halkias?

  I would assume so.

• 48:14Speaker 03

  You mean assume, you don't look?

• 48:15Stavros Halkias?

  Not really.

• 48:15Speaker 03

  You've never glanced at your shit stain. I shit myself the other day before I went on stage.

• 48:19Stavros Halkias?

  Really?

• 48:19Speaker 03

  Fucked, I had diarrhea and I ran to the bathroom, I went to the wrong change room, and I sharted, and then I take off my underwear and I was scrubbing, Pavie was there and he's like, "What's going on there?" I'm like, "Leave me alone, I shit!" And he's like, "What the fuck?" I'm like scrubbing my underwear and there's no, um, paper towel, no, no air dryer, so I had to get a paper towel and I was like wringing at my crotch. Disgusting! And then I went on and I talked about it on stage and I was like this. I'm like, "Well, what are you offering me? Why are you at my show? Why are you at my fucking show that I was shitting all the fucking time? Sorry, no one sharts, I'm 40, I'm sharding."

• 48:48Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, I will, I've had a couple very recent, close calls.

• 48:51Speaker 03

  You shart, there's no, looking, no offense, looking at you.

• 48:54Stavros Halkias?

  I would tell you if I sharted. I wouldn't lie to you. I just, it's just bit, I've, I just said I've had a couple of close calls where I'm, maybe there's more ass real estate to trap the shit.

• 49:07Speaker 03

  Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 49:08Stavros Halkias?

  You know, where it's like, maybe I've shit the inside of my ass cheeks.

• 49:11Speaker 03

  A hairy back there?

• 49:12Stavros Halkias?

  And it didn't, and it didn't get all the way, not, not as hairy as Eldis, for example, but, you know.

• 49:16Speaker 03

  A hairy ass?

• 49:17Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah.

• 49:19Speaker 03

  Have you ever waxed the hole?

• 49:20Speaker 04

  No, I kinda, I've, I kinda have wanted to try like, maybe shaving it or something, like...

• 49:26Speaker 03

  Go get it, go get it waxed. No, I'm telling you now, it will, it's gonna change your life. More men need to get their ass waxed.

• 49:31Stavros Halkias?

  Please wax your ass, Eldis.

• 49:33Speaker 03

  It does not feel, it doesn't, it doesn't hurt that much, because you've been wiping your ass your whole life, so it's like raw back there. Once you get it done, you're gonna, your life's gonna, your farts are gonna be different and...

• 49:42Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 49:43Speaker 04

  I bet it'd be a lot easier to like, clean up after shitting. That sounds awesome to me.

• 49:47Speaker 03

  You know, bidet?

• 49:49Stavros Halkias?

  I do.

• 49:50Speaker 04

  It's a long story.

• 49:51Stavros Halkias?

  He's a bidet skeptic.

• 49:52Speaker 04

  I used to be hardcore bidets. Basically, I got a UTI.

• 49:55Stavros Halkias?

  He blames.

• 49:56Speaker 03

  From a bidet?

• 49:57Speaker 04

  Did I suspect it was from the you?

• 49:59Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 49:59Speaker 04

  From the bidet?

• 50:00Speaker 03

  There's no way.

• 50:01Stavros Halkias?

  No chance.

• 50:01Speaker 03

  Makes no sense. Why is your, you putting your pee hole in the bidet?

• 50:04Speaker 04

  I'm not, but I was using a toilet seat once. I felt too small for my ass and I feel like.

• 50:10Stavros Halkias?

  And then who's the real culprit? Your huge ass or the bidet? You know?

• 50:15Speaker 04

  Well, still, I mean, you think the bidet would be designed? I don't know. I think this UTI was caused by drippings from the bidet.

• 50:23Stavros Halkias?

  You've got yeast infections.

• 50:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, did you have a?

• 50:25Stavros Halkias?

  You, your dick is fucked up.

• 50:27Speaker 04

  No, no, no. It wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't like sex related.

• 50:31Speaker 03

  Oh, then, ugh.

• 50:32Speaker 04

  I think, I think it was. I don't know. It was a crazy time. My just immune system in general was not that good.

• 50:39Stavros Halkias?

  You were up against a lot, dude. You were weakened. You can't blame the bidet. You need a bigger toilet, better quality bidet, you're good to go.

• 50:46Speaker 04

  I think, I think a better quality bidet too. This one was like a little messy, but I've used ones before that like, it sprays just a little meter squarely in your asshole.

• 50:54Stavros Halkias?

  Right into your asshole.

• 50:55Speaker 04

  Like one of those carnival games, like.

• 50:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 50:57Stavros Halkias?

  And they have the directional, the, you know, I, I'm a bidet, I'm a, I'm a bidet guy.

• 51:02Speaker 04

  But ever since that, I've been afraid.

• 51:03Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 51:04Speaker 03

  Do you also have the, the heated one?

• 51:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you can heat it.

• 51:06Speaker 03

  Oh, that's nice.

• 51:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it's not bad.

• 51:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's nice.

• 51:09Stavros Halkias?

  But I, I really, you know, you can adjust the power of the squirt. You could adjust the direction of it. That's all important stuff.

• 51:15Speaker 04

  I've just been a little scared. It's like, you know, I'll just wipe like normal for now and if it gets too bad, it's time to shower. That's like, that's the philosophy now.

• 51:24Speaker 03

  I shower now almost after every shit. My boyfriend does it and I see him do it and then I feel gross if I don't. So now.

• 51:29Stavros Halkias?

  He does it every time?

• 51:30Speaker 03

  Every fucking time. He, or, and, or he'll do this in public. He'll, he'll wet a thing. So if he's at the airport and he shits, he'll come out of the stall with his pants up, wet some toilet paper and go back in the stall and see his ass.

• 51:42Stavros Halkias?

  Why didn't he just travel with wet wipes?

• 51:44Speaker 03

  I don't know. That's bizarre.

• 51:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 51:45Speaker 03

  But I'll suck his butt right now. It's that clean. Oh, I'd suck his ass. He doesn't never want me to, but it is very clean.

• 51:51Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 51:52Speaker 03

  I know, it's nice.

• 51:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I'm such a bidet guy that that's actually one of my largest worries about the tour. Is that to be away from my bidet.

• 51:59Speaker 03

  There's travel ones.

• 52:00Stavros Halkias?

  Not the same thing.

• 52:01Speaker 03

  I know, but it's just having little handheld holes back there?

• 52:04Stavros Halkias?

  Little, potentially, yeah, a little bottle.

• 52:06Speaker 03

  He should get one.

• 52:07Stavros Halkias?

  I'll try it.

• 52:08Speaker 04

  That's another reason. I was like so relying on the bidet that I was like.

• 52:11Stavros Halkias?

  That's true.

• 52:12Speaker 04

  I can't, I can't like, this is a crutch if I'm like, if I ever need to shit in public, like I can't.

• 52:17Stavros Halkias?

  But sometimes we have to persevere, man.

• 52:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 52:19Stavros Halkias?

  You know?

• 52:20Speaker 03

  You gotta push through here.

• 52:20Stavros Halkias?

  You have to, there's times of great adversity. You can really prove who you are, Eldis.

• 52:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, you didn't see how Bobolino was out there shitting on the front side of those ships.

• 52:28Stavros Halkias?

  She was shitting right off the dock, dude.

• 52:31Speaker 03

  Dipping her ass in their afterwards.

• 52:33Stavros Halkias?

  Letting the minnows clean her ass.

• 52:38Speaker 03

  And she had a hairier ass than you probably.

• 52:40Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, definitely.

• 52:41Speaker 03

  Bobolino was walking around.

• 52:42Stavros Halkias?

  Definitely.

• 52:46Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that is fucking hilarious. Damn. Um, fuck, so we were talking about, oh yeah. I'm, I am more interested in, like, were there, like Bulgarians is such a specific little country? Like, were there that many? Cause the fact that there was even enough for a church is great. Cause like Eldis, he went to, you went to a Russian one, right? There was like, there's Russian and there's Greek Orthodox churches, but so, and I feel like every, every non-Greek person basically goes to, you basically choose whether you want to go Russian or Greek.

• 53:16Speaker 03

  I think most of the Bulgarians would just go to the Greek one, but this was a specific Bulgarian one, yeah.

• 53:22Stavros Halkias?

  So were you around a lot of Bulgarians growing up or no?

• 53:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, a little bit. Cause my dad, my dad's, my dad's parents were in arranged marriage in Bulgaria.

• 53:29Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, okay.

• 53:30Speaker 03

  Yes. So my dodo came to, um, Canada and then my papa got a photo of him. She flew and met him. They had three kids, divorced. He was psycho. My dad was like crazy, jealous. He was like hiding in the bushes and like, tried to like threaten the mailman. I'm like, also my papa wasn't that much of a looker, so shit.

• 53:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 53:47Speaker 03

  I was not like, she was like some ba, she was fine.

• 53:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 53:50Speaker 03

  No, she wasn't like.

• 53:50Stavros Halkias?

  Not enough to kill a man over.

• 53:52Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 53:53Stavros Halkias?

  Not enough to kill a federal employee.

• 53:54Speaker 03

  Yeah. Um, so they divorced.

• 53:57Stavros Halkias?

  These are your grandparents?

• 53:58Speaker 03

  My grandparents, yeah. They divorced. It was very rare in an arranged marriage, divorced. So then that was it. My, my ghetto and they lived together their whole lives and then Yeah, we had some, the Bulgarians are all, they're rude.

• 54:09Stavros Halkias?

  So basically it was just your dad. So basically you're saying your dad comes from a weirdly broken

• 54:16Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 54:16Stavros Halkias?

  type of home.

• 54:18Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 54:18Stavros Halkias?

  That like maybe was shunned by the other Bulgarians.

• 54:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, so once my babble left, the, the, that side of the family didn't really talk to her.

• 54:24Stavros Halkias?

  Gotcha.

• 54:25Speaker 03

  So I, most of them were in Bulgaria and there were some here and then, yeah, I remember we'd go, my, my vujstefan was so mean when I was a kid. Cause I had this nose, I, I came out of nowhere. I had a cute little butt nose and all of a sudden this happened. I don't, I think my parents did something and they didn't tell me. I think somebody punched me and they were like, "Uh, you're fine." I'm like, "No." But my, I remember like it was at Christmas and we're watching TV and my vujstefan, ugliest man on the planet. Like his nose was three of mine and he goes-

• 54:47Stavros Halkias?

  That's uncle?

• 54:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. And he goes, "Why is your nose so big?"

• 54:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 54:52Speaker 03

  And I'm like, "Why have you had four strokes and you're still alive?" I don't know, I have no idea. I don't know how this has happened.

• 54:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 54:57Speaker 03

  They're mean. They're very rude. They're just like, you always say, "Oh, you gained weight. You're fatty now." I'm like, "Oh, okay. What the hell?"

• 55:02Stavros Halkias?

  Foreigners, I mean, Greek people like that, Albanians are like that.

• 55:05Speaker 03

  There's no filter with these people.

• 55:06Stavros Halkias?

  They will just say, they will just say it.

• 55:08Speaker 03

  They'll say it. And then you're like, "Well, fuck you. Look, look in the fucking mirror, asshole."

• 55:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I know.

• 55:14Speaker 03

  Great chicken over here, fatty pal.

• 55:15Stavros Halkias?

  My uncle's the fattest man of all time and he tells me I'm fat every, and like, not only is he fat as shit, but like, when we go to visit, he will take us on these elaborate meals and then we'll eat, eat what he gets. Or there were times where I'm like, "I'm actually not that hungry." They're like, "What? You don't want to have five entrees with me and then I call you fat even though I've been, I haven't died even though I have the worst diabetes anyone, and any doctor has ever seen in his life? Although I'm getting kind of worried. It's, you can only outrun that, you can only play that game so long.

• 55:46Speaker 03

  But you, you look smaller in person, honestly.

• 55:48Stavros Halkias?

  Thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 55:51Speaker 03

  No, at least this is the last time I saw you. You've, you've lost?

• 55:53Stavros Halkias?

  I've lost the coat. Yeah.

• 55:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, okay.

• 55:54Stavros Halkias?

  Well, yeah, because in the middle of tires.

• 55:58Stavros Halkias?

  At the snacks around a fucking set.

• 56:00Speaker 03

  You you can't.

• 56:00Stavros Halkias?

  Brutal stuff.

• 56:01Speaker 03

  You cannot. It's all nuts. It's all fucking chips.

• 56:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. It's I mean, there's like pastries. There's like snacks every three hours.

• 56:09Speaker 03

  You know, you gotta stop with those. You gotta have the fruit.

• 56:11Stavros Halkias?

  I was doing real good and then just tires and let's start a cult. The movie I did. I had to go prom. I had to go on a promo run. So like whenever I had off from tires. I had scheduled because I was like, great. I'll work at tires and then I'll have a couple of weeks off to like. Getting this out because I take that whole year to kind of like. Exercise a little bit, like lose. And I had lost forty pounds going into tires and then. Tires, tires, the movie. Going right into Thanksgiving, cruising right into. And then I had like one healthy week in November and then, oh, here comes Christmas. You know what I mean? And so I gained twenty pounds back in the middle of tires.

• 56:47Speaker 03

  And you're also not working out when you're fucking on set.

• 56:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 56:50Speaker 03

  There's no time.

• 56:50Stavros Halkias?

  Although you know what? I shouldn't dox where the fuck we shoot, actually. But there was a gym near, bleep out the gym, I said. There's a.

• 56:58Speaker 03

  Gym close by?

• 56:59Stavros Halkias?

  There's a gym close by that I actually got to work. I actually kept my workouts in my diet. And obviously, when you're this fucking fat, it's like, okay.

• 57:07Speaker 03

  You need to be working. It's really, it's insane the amount of work you have to do.

• 57:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 57:11Speaker 03

  Especially in your thirties, you're fucked.

• 57:13Stavros Halkias?

  Totally, totally.

• 57:13Speaker 03

  It's like three hours.

• 57:14Stavros Halkias?

  No, I was just working out enough because like all of the year before I worked out. I did not work out and what that did was irreparable damage to my body.

• 57:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 57:23Stavros Halkias?

  So like you're, I'm just at the age where it's like, if I hadn't kept up those three times a week workouts. I would just, like, I had huge, I had insane back problems. I just like, you just start feeling like shit.

• 57:33Speaker 03

  Oh, you're a fat block.

• 57:33Stavros Halkias?

  It's not to be, it's not to improve yourself. It's to. Stave the reaper off you. Like, that's all, that's all. So thank God I did that, but I gained, I gained weight. So. And then in January, I've, I've been really fucking hitting it.

• 57:46Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 57:47Stavros Halkias?

  I've been hitting it to get ready for this fucking. Uh, in January, February, April, you know, God knows when this comes out. Uh. Whatever. Fuck you, people. We're going on tour and we're fuck. We want to make sure you have fucking episodes. Suck my dick.

• 58:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, people have passed me backlog.

• 58:01Stavros Halkias?

  They do, but they can also.

• 58:02Speaker 03

  We got a backlog. What, what, what is it? What are we doing?

• 58:05Stavros Halkias?

  We want steps here. We, you know, we want to talk about tires. Fuck you guys.

• 58:10Speaker 03

  Yay.

• 58:10Stavros Halkias?

  You'll be, you would have been singing a different tune if these fucking. Episodes were shitty in some fucking green room. It's me and Eldis with holding mics with one fucking camera. Fuck you, people.

• 58:21Speaker 03

  No lighting, no fucking statues. Look at all this.

• 58:24Stavros Halkias?

  No, no charming. No charming stories of, you know, being a child haunted by death? You wouldn't, you wouldn't have had any of that with a button nose before.

• 58:38Speaker 03

  I'll send you guys a photo. You can put up, you can put up these baby. It's so upsetting.

• 58:41Stavros Halkias?

  We'll have you, you as a baby, you now bubulina. Uh, so what's your mom's side of the family?

• 58:55Speaker 03

  Just like Canadian.

• 58:56Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 58:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. Normal Canadian. They're fine. Nothing, nothing crazy over there.

• 59:00Stavros Halkias?

  Nothing special?

• 59:01Speaker 03

  No, my family's normal. My mom's was, well, she still is a Highland dancing teacher, so I Highland danced my whole life.

• 59:05Stavros Halkias?

  Highland dance?

• 59:06Speaker 03

  Scottish dancing with the kilts and the bank pipes.

• 59:08Stavros Halkias?

  Really?

• 59:08Speaker 03

  Entire life. Yep, three to eighteen. Very bizarre. And a weird life.

• 59:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that is fucking nuts.

• 59:15Speaker 03

  Is, is strange. Every weekend, I had no friends. I danced all the time.

• 59:18Stavros Halkias?

  Of Scottish origin or no?

• 59:20Speaker 03

  My grandma just saw someone doing it at a party once and liked it. My grandma was obsessed with Scotland and the Queen for no reason. She loved the Queen.

• 59:28Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, I guess Canada weirdly, there was some, that you gotta be that level of cuck.

• 59:31Speaker 03

  We're still, yeah.

• 59:33Stavros Halkias?

  Queen in Canada.

• 59:34Speaker 03

  She loved it. She had all these books about her and she'd like have tea and just watch her walk around and just wave. It was very bizarre.

• 59:39Stavros Halkias?

  So weird.

• 59:40Speaker 03

  Odd stuff. And then, um, I became a disgusting big comedian and they didn't like it at first. And now they kinda do. I can't tell. No, my dad finds it funny and that upsets me almost more when I hear him laughing harder at my lady jokes than anybody else. I'm like, What's going on back there?

• 59:55Stavros Halkias?

  He's like, I knew when I was changing those diapers, that was a mess down there.

• 1:00:00Speaker 03

  That was a big pussy. Big. A little, uh, holy oil on that thing. Let's shrink this thing up. Can you imagine? I had a big pussy as a baby. That, that can't be real. I can't ask them. That's so weird.

• 1:00:12Stavros Halkias?

  I don't think it is real.

• 1:00:13Speaker 03

  I call my dad right now, hey, how was my pussy as a baby? He's gonna be like, I'm calling the police.

• 1:00:18Stavros Halkias?

  Did you have other siblings?

• 1:00:19Speaker 03

  I have one sister, yeah.

• 1:00:20Stavros Halkias?

  Okay. So he could at least compare.

• 1:00:24Stavros Halkias?

  You're serious, you know?

• 1:00:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:26Stavros Halkias?

  I've seen a, you know, my nephew has one of the littlest dicks of all time right now, but I'm sure it will blossom into a nice, a nice penis.

• 1:00:35Speaker 03

  Oh, wow, okay, blossom into a nice penis.

• 1:00:37Stavros Halkias?

  Fingers crossed. That's how I know I really love this kid. It's the first time I've ever seen someone and been like, I hope he has a bigger dick than me.

• 1:00:43Speaker 03

  But that's...

• 1:00:44Stavros Halkias?

  I really, in the, for real, that's also how stupid I am. That's legitimately the first thought I had when like my brother was changing his diaper. I was like, I hope that dick gets bigger than mine.

• 1:00:53Speaker 03

  Uh, wow.

• 1:00:53Stavros Halkias?

  And I really believe that, and I really hope that for him.

• 1:00:55Speaker 03

  I'm glad it is small. If, if a baby had a huge dick, that would be so fucking creepy.

• 1:00:59Stavros Halkias?

  That'd be fucking awesome.

• 1:01:00Speaker 03

  That'd be insane. Hanging on the side of the diaper, this massive hog. Ew. My dad has this fucking photo in his wallet. It's his favorite joke.

• 1:01:10Stavros Halkias?

  Uh huh.

• 1:01:10Speaker 03

  He shows everybody.

• 1:01:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:12Speaker 03

  He's like, you wanna see me as a baby? I'll get him to send it to me right now.

• 1:01:14Stavros Halkias?

  And it's...

• 1:01:15Speaker 03

  It's this photo, I don't know where...

• 1:01:16Stavros Halkias?

  I think I've seen it, yeah, yeah.

• 1:01:17Speaker 03

  It's this block of my photo with this baby with this huge cock and it just hanging down. He got it laminated. That's how funny he thinks this is. It's in his wallet right now. It's crazy.

• 1:01:27Stavros Halkias?

  Your dad sounds awesome. That's fucking so good.

• 1:01:29Speaker 03

  It is so funny.

• 1:01:30Stavros Halkias?

  That is so good.

• 1:01:31Speaker 03

  He shows everybody. He's like...

• 1:01:34Stavros Halkias?

  Honestly, if a guy, if some fucking like, you know, middle-aged guy came up and was like, you wanna see a picture of me as a baby? And he showed me that, I don't think I would be able to stop laughing.

• 1:01:44Speaker 03

  It is pretty fucking funny.

• 1:01:46Stavros Halkias?

  For whatever like, you know, baptism I was at that he showed me.

• 1:01:48Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you know he's showing a baptism. Oh, yeah, he loves it.

• 1:01:51Stavros Halkias?

  You know, it's like weddings, it's like...

• 1:01:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:01:52Stavros Halkias?

  Times where you see people.

• 1:01:54Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah. Oh, he's showing it. He's definitely showing it.

• 1:01:57Stavros Halkias?

  That's a great bit. I respect your dad for that one.

• 1:01:59Speaker 03

  It is a good bit. I love, I love a bit you can drag on for years.

• 1:02:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:02Speaker 03

  Like every time, my bit is like anytime I see a girl wearing something like super revealing, I go, oh, I almost want the same thing.

• 1:02:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:07Speaker 03

  And that's my bit. I've been doing this since like high school, cause it's like, obviously you're not gonna wear that. Classic. Just a, a long bit that you can just say whenever to whoever.

• 1:02:14Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm. A life-defining bit.

• 1:02:16Speaker 03

  Like a life-defining bit.

• 1:02:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:17Speaker 03

  It's fun.

• 1:02:18Stavros Halkias?

  We've got a couple of those, just, just being fucking stu-, I mean, just... The way me and Els talk to each other, it's like we barely, we barely have to register thought. It's just saying his dick is small, saying he's gay and he wants to have sex with me.

• 1:02:31Speaker 03

  And that's it.

• 1:02:32Stavros Halkias?

  You know, and that, just kinda like, for eternity. And you know what? We, we're not, we'll tune it out, but then like every once in a while, I'll just laugh legitimately.

• 1:02:42Stavros Halkias?

  This is what we've been saying for close to at this point twenty years.

• 1:02:46Speaker 03

  Twenty years?

• 1:02:47Stavros Halkias?

  We've known each other since kindergarten, but we've started

• 1:02:50Speaker 03

  Oh my god!

• 1:02:50Stavros Halkias?

  Started with the dick jokes probably when we were what fifteen?

• 1:02:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, probably. Kindergarten? Oh, you're both Baltimore. Is Timonium near that?

• 1:02:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean it's the shitty burbs.

• 1:03:01Speaker 03

  I hate that place.

• 1:03:02Stavros Halkias?

  It's, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:03Speaker 03

  I fucking hate that place. I remember fucking going back to it.

• 1:03:05Stavros Halkias?

  Timonium's horrible.

• 1:03:06Speaker 03

  Timonium's hell.

• 1:03:07Stavros Halkias?

  Magooey's doesn't have a special place in my heart.

• 1:03:09Speaker 03

  Does it? The fucking John Deere factory? Fuck me up the ass.

• 1:03:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:13Speaker 03

  One of the worst weekends of my life. I'm like, I'm going back to Canada. I'm gonna hand my green card and I don't deserve it. It's hell. No, I'm sure when it is people there.

• 1:03:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, yes.

• 1:03:26Speaker 03

  But when it's just the bottom.

• 1:03:27Stavros Halkias?

  Ooh, believe me, I've done some tough

• 1:03:29Speaker 03

  Whoa.

• 1:03:30Stavros Halkias?

  when it's just the bottom and it can fill three hundred fifty.

• 1:03:33Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 1:03:33Stavros Halkias?

  And there's no way to not feel that. Cause it goes up.

• 1:03:37Speaker 03

  There's no way.

• 1:03:38Stavros Halkias?

  It's not like it just is a long room that you could put some fucking curtains behind. No, it goes, you see the empty amphitheater.

• 1:03:43Speaker 03

  Oh, you're just seeing emptiness, blackness staring back at you while you're just doing pussy jokes to silence.

• 1:03:51Speaker 03

  Or the worst is because I do so many act outs, doing a big act out and getting no laugh. It's pathetic. I feel like this is what a cuck would feel like if I was like watching my wife and I couldn't get hard.

• 1:04:02Stavros Halkias?

  It's impotent. No, no, you're right. That is an act out to silence is impotence.

• 1:04:07Speaker 03

  It's way worse than a punchline bombing. Way worse.

• 1:04:09Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, way worse.

• 1:04:10Speaker 03

  Like, it's pathetic.

• 1:04:11Stavros Halkias?

  You could pretend a punchline was just another thing you were saying. And just speed through it, but you can't, you know.

• 1:04:17Speaker 03

  I can't.

• 1:04:17Stavros Halkias?

  Take the stool off your chin. Pick it up, be like, huh?

• 1:04:23Speaker 03

  Fully lying down? That's, oh, that's committing to a bed. Jesus. Oh, god. Brutal.

• 1:04:31Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, well, you're a veteran of so much. Magooey's joke house, uh, you know. Toronto, uh, you know, being shunned by the Bulgarian community in Toronto. So you have a lot of, you have a lot of wisdom.

• 1:04:44Speaker 03

  I have a lot of wisdom. Let's give your, let's give your fans some wisdom.

• 1:04:46Stavros Halkias?

  Let's get, and you know, let's put in right here, maybe. By the time this airs, hopefully we know when your special's coming out, where and so. Right now, we're doing it right now.

• 1:04:58Speaker 03

  What a blast I had on Stavvy's World. And I can finally announce it. I have a special on Netflix, June 24th called Filth Queen. Please go watch it. And if you don't like me, hate watch it. Just leave it on anyways. Also, season two of Tires, please check that out. Not only because Stavvy's in it, but also because I'm in it and I play his wife. Isn't that right, Susan? Susan? Susan? I swear that's her name. June 24th on Netflix.

• 1:05:28Stavros Halkias?

  And of course, see us both on Tires this season. We don't know, maybe we know when that date is too. Who's to say? I don't fucking know. Come see me on tour or the tour's already over. I don't really know. It probably is actually, now that I'm thinking about it. Well, I'm dead.

• 1:05:49Speaker 03

  What am I supposed to do? That's so sad.

• 1:05:51Stavros Halkias?

  That would be sad.

• 1:05:52Speaker 03

  Oh my god, no.

• 1:05:53Stavros Halkias?

  Eldis, you'd have to release it, man.

• 1:05:54Speaker 03

  You'd have to.

• 1:05:55Speaker 04

  Oh, I would, I would release everything that we have banked already.

• 1:05:58Stavros Halkias?

  And now what I would do is chop it up into like, he would take every podcast, make them 45 minutes so that he could fucking, yeah, so that he could live off of me a little longer, even when I'm dead.

• 1:06:09Speaker 04

  The calls are gonna be Patreon only for the next two months.

• 1:06:16Stavros Halkias?

  While he desperately tries to program my, me into an AI. He's feeding every podcast we've ever done into AI. He'd be like, we have to figure this out.

• 1:06:26Stavros Halkias?

  I just bought a car.

• 1:06:29Stavros Halkias?

  Alright, what do we got, Eldis?

• 1:06:31Speaker 00

  Farmers feed the world. Sometimes they feel the weight of the world, and it can be too much. That's why Pioneer and country music star Chris Jansen support rural mental health with the Hats Off to Farmers program. Visit pioneer.com/hats off to buy a ball cap that shows farmers who care. All proceeds fund mental health and farming communities through the Rural Minds Organization. Tip your cap and take a stand. Visit pioneer.com/hats off.

• 1:07:01Speaker 05

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• 1:07:31Speaker 06

  Hi, um, hi, Stabby, hi, Aldous, hi, guests. Um, so this is kind of my question. So I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year. It's going really well. We've decided to move in together.

• 1:07:45Stavros Halkias?

  Nice.

• 1:07:46Speaker 06

  Um, but my question is, we kind of have different sex drives.

• 1:07:51Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 1:07:52Speaker 06

  Um, his is definitely lower than mine.

• 1:07:54Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 1:07:55Speaker 06

  Um, he's okay with like once or twice a week. I'm okay. I'd rather do four or five times a week. We tend to meet in the middle a lot.

• 1:08:02Stavros Halkias?

  Respect to this woman.

• 1:08:03Speaker 03

  Yep.

• 1:08:04Speaker 06

  I've asked him, like, is there anything you'd like me to do to, like, help? Is it like, is there anything I can do? And he said, no, like, he's really happy with everything. He just has a lower sex drive, so.

• 1:08:16Stavros Halkias?

  Damn, okay.

• 1:08:16Speaker 06

  There's that, but I guess my question is, um, because right now I have my own apartment, um, I can masturbate in.

• 1:08:24Stavros Halkias?

  Nice.

• 1:08:26Speaker 06

  But if we move in together, I kind of don't have that private space. So I guess kind of my question is, how do I safely masturbate? Um, is that my boyfriend kind of feeling ashamed or feeling, um?

• 1:08:39Stavros Halkias?

  Like, less of a man?

• 1:08:40Speaker 06

  I don't know, inadequate.

• 1:08:41Stavros Halkias?

  Right, holy shit.

• 1:08:42Speaker 06

  Um, yeah, that's kind of my question. Thank you, um, thank you for the show. It's, uh, great.

• 1:08:48Stavros Halkias?

  Well, thank you. Tough stuff. It's just, she's like, is there anything I could do? He's like, not looking up from his game.

• 1:08:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:08:54Stavros Halkias?

  No, I'm good.

• 1:08:57Stavros Halkias?

  No, it's good.

• 1:08:59Speaker 03

  I think she's just fucking masturbating the hell she wants.

• 1:09:01Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 1:09:01Speaker 03

  Well, it's, you share a space now, and if he doesn't want to fuck, I'm like, once or twice a week, that's, I need every day, or I get pissy.

• 1:09:08Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 1:09:09Speaker 03

  Oh, I'm, I'm a fucking pervert.

• 1:09:11Stavros Halkias?

  That's how we keep, that's how we keep fucking Shooter Junior around.

• 1:09:13Speaker 03

  I'm sucking his balls every morning. I wake up, I'm like, good morning, sweetie. You're never getting away.

• 1:09:22Speaker 03

  I feel, no, if he doesn't wanna fucking do it more, you masturbate wherever the hell you want.

• 1:09:26Stavros Halkias?

  I agree. I mean, beating, you can't be ashamed to beat, like, let's just, again, look at this from the other side.

• 1:09:31Speaker 03

  Oh, sorry.

• 1:09:32Stavros Halkias?

  That's okay.

• 1:09:33Speaker 03

  Gotta post on TikTok.

• 1:09:34Stavros Halkias?

  Nice hilarious fucking ringtone.

• 1:09:37Speaker 03

  That's literally my posting on TikTok alarm.

• 1:09:43Speaker 03

  Sad. Pathetic and sad. Maybe I wanna die, actually. Fuck this. Posting on fucking TikTok alarms.

• 1:09:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, what is, you know, when you put it that way, what's 70 years of social media posting? Just take me now.

• 1:10:03Speaker 03

  I feel like, also, does he not leave the house? Like, how long do you take to masturbate? I need three minutes.

• 1:10:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:08Speaker 03

  Max.

• 1:10:10Stavros Halkias?

  I'm liking a lot of what I'm hearing here, Steph, that's great.

• 1:10:12Speaker 03

  I just really feel like, you know what, get him to go out, the second he leaves, have a little thing, or be like, I'm having a nap. Excuse me, give me some privacy and go in there. How loud's your vibrator? Maybe get a smaller, uh, one that's-

• 1:10:21Stavros Halkias?

  What's he up, first of all, he's, like I said, he's definitely gaming while you're beating off.

• 1:10:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, so he can't hear you.

• 1:10:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:29Stavros Halkias?

  How long have they been dating, too?

• 1:10:31Speaker 03

  She said a year, didn't she? A year?

• 1:10:33Stavros Halkias?

  A year's a little, a year's a little soon for your, for just like,

• 1:10:38Speaker 03

  Maybe not.

• 1:10:39Stavros Halkias?

  For you to knock off to once a week as a man, in my opinion.

• 1:10:43Speaker 03

  I think, yeah, no, no, that's-

• 1:10:45Stavros Halkias?

  A year is kinda cra- like, this, look, if you guys have been together for a few years and you fucking, you realize, hey, just our natural rhythms, there should still be a little bit of, just a little excitement to get you over, especially if your girlfriends beg, it'd be different if like, both of you were just kind of a once or twice a week, but if like, your girlfriend's begging you at a year in.

• 1:11:06Speaker 03

  A year, and you need to-

• 1:11:07Stavros Halkias?

  I'm a little scared about that personally.

• 1:11:10Speaker 04

  Yeah, it feels like she's like, asking the wrong question here. The question isn't like, how do I masturbate in private when like, I don't have my own space anymore? It's more about like- Is it, is it adequate for him to be like, no, I'm good when you're like, I wanna fuck more?

• 1:11:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:25Speaker 04

  That is a little weird.

• 1:11:26Stavros Halkias?

  When it's the base, when you're building the, your relationship right now and he's like, no, I'm, I'm good.

• 1:11:31Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:11:31Stavros Halkias?

  It's like also, yeah, does he have low T? Like, is this guy healthy? Does he have low T? Cause I could tell you again, your sex drive is much lower when you're, you know, a fat drug addict than when you're like going to the gym.

• 1:11:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:11:43Stavros Halkias?

  Just speaking hypothetically here, of course. Then when you're going to the gym and like, you know, and like taking care of yourself.

• 1:11:50Speaker 03

  Eating well, yes.

• 1:11:51Stavros Halkias?

  Cause like, how old is he? Maybe we don't wanna shame him, maybe just is, you know, I'm sure there are once or twice a week guys, but man.

• 1:11:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, I wonder if like he is older, that would change it in my mind a little, but they're like, close, if they're close to the same age, that is a little weird.

• 1:12:04Speaker 03

  But if he said, I'm happy about this, also, I'm like, also, does she not have any doors in this apartment? I'm confused. Go to the bathroom.

• 1:12:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, beating off, listen, you're gonna figure out how to beat off.

• 1:12:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, you go to the bathroom, put the shower on.

• 1:12:14Stavros Halkias?

  Worrying about this is crazy. Cause like again, this, usually it's the flip side, right? Usually it's the, the guy, and like, we've, we're all experts at getting a quick beat in, right? We've done it our whole lives, since we were 12 years old, cause we've had the, you know, first we were hiding from our parents, now we're hiding from our wives. But, um, but I would, and so you're fine there, even when you move in, whatever, I just, you know, maybe we're all just, maybe you're just talking to a podcast full of freaks, right? Full of sex freaks, but to me, I would just, and it's not just the sex, it's like, you're so early on where it's like, this is something that's pretty important to you.

• 1:12:55Stavros Halkias?

  And it doesn't really feel like, I mean, she says we kinda meet in the middle, my hunch is you meet closer towards him.

• 1:13:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:13:04Stavros Halkias?

  This, I would say the, the thing I would be wary of is, is compromising too much towards him on things that are important to you. Cause certain things are deal breakers. I'm not saying this is when you're, you're very happy again. Maybe this isn't, I'm just saying, I would be cognizant of that, of like, do you find yourself kinda caving a little more to keep harmony? Especially, which is hilarious when, when we're talking about caving is sucking him off.

• 1:13:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:13:30Stavros Halkias?

  Letting him suck, like.

• 1:13:31Speaker 03

  Like having sex one more time a week, he's like, I just can't.

• 1:13:34Stavros Halkias?

  Come on.

• 1:13:36Speaker 03

  Really? This again? You want me to fuck you?

• 1:13:38Stavros Halkias?

  Cook up a parlay, you fucking bitch.

• 1:13:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, I feel like, I feel like maybe there should be another, another more open question with her being like, look, I, I want this.

• 1:13:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:49Speaker 03

  Not just like, oh, you're okay, like, I want this.

• 1:13:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:52Speaker 03

  Let's figure that out.

• 1:13:53Stavros Halkias?

  And if you've thought all this through, great, ignore us and just beat off, you'll, I think you'll find it's easy to find times to jack off.

• 1:14:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, there's a lot of waterproof dildos, just getting in the shower.

• 1:14:03Stavros Halkias?

  But even her saying she doesn't want him to feel inadequate, ki- kinda informs my, my guess here.

• 1:14:11Stavros Halkias?

  She's really thinking about this, she's not even sa- she's like, I have made peace with the fact that I'll have to jack off more than I fuck. But I don't want him to feel sad that he doesn't fuck me and it's like.

• 1:14:23Speaker 03

  Well, at this point.

• 1:14:24Stavros Halkias?

  He can feel a little, you know, there's a, he doesn't have to feel, don't make him feel bad, but it's like, you know, if you were fucking constantly taking the trash out. And he was just sitting there, he would probably feel inadequate or he would feel embarrassed, it's like. And maybe we'd like to not think of sex as a chore of a relationship, but sometimes it boils down to that, you know what I mean? It's like he's ki- there are some do- and it's like, maybe you guys have struck an agreement, but he also has to live with that agreement personally. You don't have to pretend he's some great coxman.

• 1:14:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:14:54Stavros Halkias?

  You're like, I accept you for your, but, you know, I'd like to get my shit cracked open a couple more times a week.

• 1:15:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:15:01Speaker 04

  He should feel like a little cognitive dissonance when he's like watching the football game.

• 1:15:06Stavros Halkias?

  Playing with her pussy like with a door. You literally could fuck your, it's like, you don't wanna fuck your girlfriend? And like, you haven't fucked her since Monday, it's Thursday, you wouldn't mind getting your dick sucked?

• 1:15:17Speaker 03

  Like, you live together, that's the thing, you live, you're not together, it's fine, but I, I'm horny all the time.

• 1:15:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Yeah, I know, I mean, like, that's, I think that's, so, I would say, it's a, yeah, keep everything we said in mind. Think, think critically about, you know, whether you are truly getting your needs met. And if you are, and if we're just sounding alarms for no reason, you'll be able to sneak a couple jacks in, no problem.

• 1:15:42Speaker 03

  A couple fingerings in there. We good.

• 1:15:46Speaker 07

  Hey Stubb, hey Aldi. Um, love the podcast, love the movie. Congrats on everything you got going on. Um, I'm twenty nine and I'm dating a girl who is twenty five. She'll be twenty six this month.

• 1:16:01Stavros Halkias?

  Uh oh, age gap.

• 1:16:02Speaker 07

  Um, we've been together for two and a half years now. Um, but I was kind of her first everything, first kiss, her boyfriend.

• 1:16:12Stavros Halkias?

  Whoa.

• 1:16:13Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:16:14Speaker 07

  Um, just for a little context, she does come from older parents who are pretty conservative and traditional.

• 1:16:23Stavros Halkias?

  Don't kiss a guy till twenty three, conservative?

• 1:16:26Speaker 07

  But about a year into our relationship, she helped me get sober and helped me through a pretty tough time in my life. And I'm pretty sure that she's, well, I am sure that she's the one that I want to be with and I want to marry. Um, also she's way hotter than I have any right to be dating, so that definitely helps add to that. Um, so I want to get married. It's something that, you know, because I was her first, she also pictures that like, you know, I'm kind of the prince charming that she sounds like.

• 1:16:59Stavros Halkias?

  Prince charming that she got to stop doing heroin?

• 1:17:03Stavros Halkias?

  I missed that part of Snow White.

• 1:17:08Stavros Halkias?

  Where she's fucking dragging Eric's head out of a gutter.

• 1:17:12Speaker 03

  Getting the needle in his arm.

• 1:17:15Stavros Halkias?

  No, sorry. I'm sure you have a beautiful relationship. It's a comedy program. Go ahead, Eldis.

• 1:17:20Speaker 07

  She sounds like her one and only for life and I think that's great and I'm happy to be that. Um, I already bought the ring.

• 1:17:26Stavros Halkias?

  Nice.

• 1:17:27Speaker 07

  I'm ready to propose. Um, but she's starting to kind of put the pressure on and I think part of it is because she still lives with her parents.

• 1:17:38Stavros Halkias?

  Oh.

• 1:17:39Speaker 07

  Um, and she still has a curfew.

• 1:17:43Stavros Halkias?

  Curfew?

• 1:17:45Speaker 07

  At my place.

• 1:17:46Stavros Halkias?

  Spent the night?

• 1:17:47Speaker 07

  So definitely like really conservative, really old school and I think she's just kind of sick of it. So my only worry is.

• 1:17:57Speaker 07

  Is she really just putting the pressure on because she wants out of this situation? Um, she's even told me like, hey, if we're married by the end of twenty twenty six, I'm not gonna bother moving out and getting my own place because we'll just be together at that point. Um, but is that kind of a red flag that, you know?

• 1:18:17Stavros Halkias?

  You bought the ring. You're on the same page.

• 1:18:20Speaker 03

  You want to marry her.

• 1:18:21Stavros Halkias?

  You bought the ring, bro.

• 1:18:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, she wants out of the fucking house. Get her out of her fucking psycho parents' house.

• 1:18:27Stavros Halkias?

  You're on the same page. Like thi- this would, I mean, this would be different if you were like.

• 1:18:31Speaker 03

  I don't know if I want to get married.

• 1:18:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and it's, and by the way, if you were to say like, hey, I'm her first, you know, she comes from this weird fat background. Is, I'm her first relationship. I have, I just am a little worried because I'd like her to, she's never really.

• 1:18:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:18:45Stavros Halkias?

  She's never even, even lived as an adult on her own. She's never fucking paid rent. She's never like fucking called, you know, a cable company or an internet company. Like she doesn't had, she hasn't done basic things. You would be, if you said, hey, I'd rather like spend a little more time and let, and you know, maybe she can actually spend the night at my house. If you said any of those things, then I would kind of be on your side about, is she trying to pressure me just to get out of this relationship? But you just said, she's who I want to be with. I bought the fucking.

• 1:19:14Speaker 03

  You bought the ring.

• 1:19:15Stavros Halkias?

  You spend three months' salary, I'm gonna guess, nine hundred dollars, uh, on, on the ring, right? Like, like, you've done it, right? So, so, uh, you're, right now, and we'll finish the call, but basically, you're mad that she's on the same page as you essentially, because you want to propose to her. So anyway, that's, let's just keep that in mind, but, but let's finish up. Let's see what he has to say.

• 1:19:38Speaker 07

  Flag that, you know, I, I have no doubts about our relationship or anything, but more so just that, is she trying to speed up the timeline?

• 1:19:49Stavros Halkias?

  Who cares? This is so funny. Cause it's like, dude, literally, it's like, it's like. Is he'll even we'll even find red flags. This girl is like what every

• 1:20:01Speaker 03

  Man wants.

• 1:20:02Stavros Halkias?

  Male like a misogynist podcaster talks about. She is a virgin who wants to marry you like want like she's never fucking there's no body count. There's no there's

• 1:20:14Speaker 03

  There's no STDs. She's the only person on the planet with no HPV. So just fucking marry her. Like what the hell?

• 1:20:19Stavros Halkias?

  She's talking about being a fucking trad wife. Even this woman is her boyfriend's like

• 1:20:25Speaker 03

  I don't know.

• 1:20:27Stavros Halkias?

  Is she fucking out to get me secretly?

• 1:20:29Speaker 03

  The fuck? You have the ring. You want to marry her. You have no qualms.

• 1:20:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it doesn't

• 1:20:35Speaker 03

  She wants out, of course, but she wasn't live with fucking Hitler. What the hell? Get her the house.

• 1:20:40Stavros Halkias?

  Go ahead, Elders. Let's finish this up before we really

• 1:20:42Speaker 07

  Kind of thwarted over and controlled by her older conservative parents. So, uh, yeah, what do you think? Um, do you think I should try to speed up the timeline as well? Like I said, I have the ring. I'm ready to go. But I only thing that gives me hesitation is how desperately she's trying to

• 1:21:02Stavros Halkias?

  Cause you love her. You love each other, apparently.

• 1:21:05Speaker 07

  Thanks, LD. Thanks, guest.

• 1:21:06Speaker 03

  Also, wouldn't you also want her out of the situation? Wouldn't you want to fuck your virgin wife?

• 1:21:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, overnight.

• 1:21:13Speaker 03

  At your house? Living together?

• 1:21:15Stavros Halkias?

  They have fucked. She just hasn't spent the night, right? It seems like it. I would assume so. He didn't specify, though. But yeah, I know what you're saying. Like, yes, if we're taking everything he's saying at face value. I love the woman I love who helped me get sober.

• 1:21:30Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:21:30Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, who I know I want to be with so much. I purchased the ring already.

• 1:21:35Speaker 03

  Rings purchased, yeah.

• 1:21:36Stavros Halkias?

  Is eager to marry me.

• 1:21:38Speaker 03

  Can't wait.

• 1:21:39Stavros Halkias?

  She's living somewhere annoying and would rather be with me, the love of her life,

• 1:21:44Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:21:44Stavros Halkias?

  than the annoying living situation she's in.

• 1:21:47Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:21:47Stavros Halkias?

  Does that mean she's got ulterior motives? Like, what the fuck are you talking about?

• 1:21:52Speaker 03

  Buddy, put the ring on her now.

• 1:21:53Stavros Halkias?

  It's crazy that you've made us one of the most like, one of the most like, you should fuck a hundred people and like, you know, don't get married young. You've made us be like, why aren't you marrying this virgin?

• 1:22:05Speaker 03

  I'm annoyed by this.

• 1:22:07Stavros Halkias?

  And like usually my advice would be like to this girl, my advice would be like, are you really ready to get married? You know what I mean? But like, whatever. You guys have figured it out. And who knows? Who knows what happens? But like, Like, you might have just hit the sweet spot of somebody who has just enough conservative values to never want to go crazy.

• 1:22:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:22:28Stavros Halkias?

  But not enough that she doesn't want to live that way, you know what I mean? Like, you might, you might, you might both have just been perfect for each other in your lives, right?

• 1:22:35Speaker 03

  You cracked the case here.

• 1:22:35Stavros Halkias?

  So it's crazy that you've got us to be like, yes, you should marry this virgin who's never kissed another man. But you figured out a way to get us to do it somehow. I just don't, and look, maybe this is just natural, everyone has cold feet, everyone over analyzes, and you know, marriage is ultimately a commitment and it's like, you know, but everything, he said, everything he said, he's cool with all that stuff, all the stuff that somebody else might find a little weird, he's all good with.

• 1:23:05Speaker 03

  And then, I don't, I think a red flag would be her saying like, oh, you know, i- if she had mentioned any other man or wanting to fuck anybody else, that's a red flag to me.

• 1:23:14Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right.

• 1:23:15Speaker 03

  But her just wanting to be with you and to get out of her parents' house, that's the, who the fuck, I lived with my parents for three months during COVID and I almost killed them both. You can't be with your family at this age anymore, you're 20 fucking six with your family?

• 1:23:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:24Speaker 03

  Get her out.

• 1:23:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:25Speaker 03

  Get her out.

• 1:23:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:26Speaker 03

  Suck her fucking STD-free pussy right now. Get her out of your fucking house.

• 1:23:30Stavros Halkias?

  I agree.

• 1:23:31Speaker 03

  Bizarre.

• 1:23:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, dude, I don't, I guess, whatever, I don't know why you're having these second thoughts, but we can tell you from everything you're fucking saying, don't worry about it.

• 1:23:40Speaker 03

  Get her out.

• 1:23:40Stavros Halkias?

  Get in the zone.

• 1:23:41Speaker 03

  Get in the zone.

• 1:23:42Stavros Halkias?

  Autozone.

• 1:23:43Speaker 03

  Autozone.

• 1:23:43Stavros Halkias?

  Take her to Autozone.

• 1:23:44Speaker 03

  I love Autozone.

• 1:23:45Stavros Halkias?

  It is kinda nice.

• 1:23:46Speaker 03

  They got it all in there, you talk to them, they order right through your house.

• 1:23:48Stavros Halkias?

  It's pleasing, all the boxes and stuff. They let you use the little scanner when your check engine light comes on.

• 1:23:53Speaker 03

  I know, you get out there, you're a little chatty.

• 1:23:56Stavros Halkias?

  What else you got, Elvis?

• 1:23:58Speaker 08

  Hey, Bobby, uh, Elvis, an esteemed guest, I'm five-seven with a huge rack.

• 1:24:04Stavros Halkias?

  Nice.

• 1:24:05Speaker 08

  I just need a little bit of advice, so,

• 1:24:07Stavros Halkias?

  I'm under the line.

• 1:24:08Speaker 08

  I'm a long time East Coaster my whole life, and I'm living on the West Coast now for the first time, and it's a big adjustment socially, um, I'm having a little bit of trouble making friends, especially because I'm in like a brand new career as well, a brand new industry.

• 1:24:25Speaker 03

  Maybe that's more corporate and...

• 1:24:27Stavros Halkias?

  I think that should only help.

• 1:24:28Speaker 03

  This has nothing to do with her tits at all.

• 1:24:30Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 1:24:30Speaker 03

  Just saying I have a huge rack for no reason.

• 1:24:32Stavros Halkias?

  So that I would listen more intently.

• 1:24:33Speaker 03

  Okay, okay, I was like, don't, hey, me people say that, they might not like that.

• 1:24:38Speaker 04

  That's like rush service, like you get priority in the queue.

• 1:24:42Speaker 03

  That's crazy. Wow, huge rack, okay, threw me off.

• 1:24:48Speaker 08

  Brand new industry, much more corporate and like, um, I don't know, what's the word? Vain than the blast jobs I've had. And I think I'm pretty agreeable, I think I'm a pretty easygoing person to get along with. But I'm just having trouble like connecting with people out here. And I'm struggling, and I think I come across as really shy, which I'm actually not, I'm just trying to like, be chill in front of people, but I'm worried that that's making me come across as shy and like not interesting. So I guess my question is, how much of my actual personality do I let out in front of these people? And what's the best way to make friends with Californians?

• 1:25:33Speaker 08

  When you're not used to being around Californians, if you, if you have any expertise in the area.

• 1:25:39Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yes.

• 1:25:39Speaker 08

  I'd really appreciate any help, uh, love the show, long time listener. I think you might be the love of my life.

• 1:25:45Stavros Halkias?

  I'm interested.

• 1:25:46Speaker 08

  Thanks so much, Bobby, bye.

• 1:25:47Speaker 03

  Hey.

• 1:25:47Stavros Halkias?

  Who knows, well, we're coming on the west coast on the tour, although it's already gone by now, so.

• 1:25:52Speaker 03

  Hey, DM, maybe she's already DM'd you, there's huge tits, I don't know how you text those things in the way. I will say, okay, this is very relatable, when I, cause I moved from Toronto. I'm east coast Toronto, I moved to Los Angeles, it was very hard to make friends. Cause Californians are very, in their own way, you, what you have to do is find people who aren't from California. All of my friends were not, I started like.

• 1:26:15Stavros Halkias?

  Strange plans.

• 1:26:15Speaker 03

  And I, I have friends now that aren't in the business, so, cause I was like, it was just comedians, like male micros that I fucking hated. I started going to this coffee shop, I ended up yapping this one girl's ear off, we kinda got friends. I got a dog, went to the dog park, you have to find things outside of your fucking, of your shit. Like literally, I became good friends with this girl, cause our puppies were friends.

• 1:26:36Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:26:36Speaker 03

  So like, anything else, if you can join a sports team, if you have time for that, or like, just try to do something outside your work people, cause those are probably not the people that you wanna hang out with.

• 1:26:45Stavros Halkias?

  Right, I think work people is like, you don't wanna put out your personality, you wanna give just enough.

• 1:26:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:26:51Stavros Halkias?

  You wanna put just enough, you wanna be amenable, you wanna be agreeable, whatever. If they think you're shy, who really gives a fuck? You know, the people that you work with. Half the time, they're not ever gonna be your friends.

• 1:27:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:27:03Stavros Halkias?

  You know, like, you just don't want, and you don't even necessarily want that, right? I think what you said is great. It's like, you have to start building your life outside of that. And yeah, California people can be a little, a little strange, but also, you know, they're a little chill, they're a little too chill sometimes. A little, little flaky, whatever, a little fake to your face, whatever, but, yeah. The transplant advice is really good advice, I think.

• 1:27:27Speaker 03

  I also think what you should do is maybe, if you wanna like, show them a little more personality, maybe have a dinner night, maybe plan a dinner party, or have something where you invite your work friends and do like, cause sometimes if you all go out and you all get kinda drunk, you're like, oh fuck, this person is kinda cool, but you didn't realize it worked, so maybe try that if you wanna, I don't know.

• 1:27:44Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely. In the past, in the past when I've ever, when I've had like a couple, you know, when I did have day jobs, it's like, yeah. It's not gonna happen at work. You gotta kinda take it to a, and happy hours are the easiest thing in the world. Just be like, hey, wanna go grab some drinks, whatever? But even just being like, hey, I'm having a barbecue, or like, let's go to this place and get drinks on a,

• 1:28:04Speaker 03

  A weekend or something, yeah, yeah.

• 1:28:06Stavros Halkias?

  Some, watch a ga- a sports game.

• 1:28:08Speaker 03

  Take them, uh, here's, here you go. I got, I got, I got, I got a grab. Come see me at the Comedy Store, lol. I'll get you tickets, you'll look cool, bring a couple of friends, cause that's, you don't have to talk to them.

• 1:28:17Stavros Halkias?

  That actually is a great, actually comedians are a great idea.

• 1:28:20Speaker 03

  They're great. You come, you get some drinks, you, you talk before the show starts. The show starts, someone's gonna bomb, somebody always bombs. You all, you all make fun of that person, you're all excited. And then you go home and that's it, you had a nice bonding, I think that's a, that's an idea.

• 1:28:34Stavros Halkias?

  I do think comedy, cause, and the thing is like, we don't even think about it because it's our, it's been our entire life since, you know, god knows when. But most people go to like, five comedy shows in their life.

• 1:28:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:28:46Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? Like, yeah, sure, there's some like, super fans that come out and see you, but like, mo- most regular motherfuckers will like, it's a special night out, it's a fun, interesting thing to do.

• 1:28:55Speaker 03

  You dress up, you can get pre-drinks, you can have like a, yeah, it's, it's very. And, and that's the time for you to be like, I show that you are fun and interesting and you can like, you know, joke around about the comics after and show them that you're like, that's a cool thing to also bring people to.

• 1:29:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's a good friend, that's a good friend thing. Cause like, some people say for dates, it's like,

• 1:29:14Speaker 03

  Hell, for dates.

• 1:29:15Stavros Halkias?

  You don't wanna do it for dates.

• 1:29:16Speaker 03

  Bizarre for dates.

• 1:29:17Stavros Halkias?

  For dates, it's like sometimes an earlier date, it's like, you know, you wanna go on your first date and like, just see if you are compatible. But then like, a movie is a pretty good early date, cause it's again, not that much pressure. You don't have to fill up four or five hours of conversation.

• 1:29:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:29:31Stavros Halkias?

  You go, you have a shared experience, you have something to talk about.

• 1:29:34Speaker 03

  Uh huh.

• 1:29:34Stavros Halkias?

  And this is kinda like a much better, this is like a funner, like friend thing of where it's like, oh yeah, we, you'll always be able to just chat about the thing and then, yeah.

• 1:29:42Speaker 03

  And then on Monday, you all could be like, remember that, we were still talking about the one comedian we all hated.

• 1:29:46Stavros Halkias?

  Totally, totally, totally.

• 1:29:47Speaker 03

  It's probably gonna be me, it's gonna be great.

• 1:29:50Speaker 03

  Can all bond over how bad I was.

• 1:29:51Stavros Halkias?

  They made fun of the one guy's shirt, and it was a thing the comedian will never think about again.

• 1:29:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:29:56Stavros Halkias?

  For the rest of his life, it will haunt him.

• 1:29:58Speaker 03

  Uh huh, say it up front.

• 1:30:00Stavros Halkias?

  But yeah, I think like, if you wanna peel off the few interesting people, you know, that you like from your job, that's, and, and kinda slow, you wanna slow, you don't wanna hit them with your personality right away.

• 1:30:11Speaker 03

  No, no, no.

• 1:30:11Stavros Halkias?

  It's a slow, yeah, slowly kinda leak out who you are. Um, and then yeah, otherwise, go make friends outside of it, all those ways Steph was saying, but, you know, moving is tough.

• 1:30:24Speaker 03

  And it, also making friends at this age is weird.

• 1:30:26Stavros Halkias?

  Really tough and weird, yeah.

• 1:30:27Speaker 03

  Like you feel bizarre. Like I literally met this guy at a coffee shop and I was like, I know this is weird, but I wanna be friends with you.

• 1:30:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:32Speaker 03

  Okay, me too. And then, you feel like a pervert, but you're like,

• 1:30:34Stavros Halkias?

  But, right, right, right, right.

• 1:30:36Speaker 03

  Cause it's kids, you say, okay, we're friends now, but as an adult, you're like, can I have your phone number?

• 1:30:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:30:40Speaker 03

  Enjoy your conversation, I'd love to see you again. You feel strange doing it.

• 1:30:44Stavros Halkias?

  I'd love to see you again, to someone you don't wanna fuck.

• 1:30:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:30:47Stavros Halkias?

  It's hilarious to say, yeah, yeah.

• 1:30:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:30:50Stavros Halkias?

  Um, but I think the thing about, you know, especially the west coast, I think a lot of people find themselves transplants to the west coast. So it's a little easier to like, you know, that's a little more in the culture of like, picking up a friend.

• 1:31:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:31:04Stavros Halkias?

  Especially if you're in a city where, like New York is like this, I don't know if she said she's in LA or if she's in just California.

• 1:31:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:31:10Stavros Halkias?

  Um, but like, if you're in particular in a city where a lot of people are just fucking chi- children, like a lot of adults are just children forever in New York, same thing as LA, like, it's a little easier than some places, but you know, either way, good luck, we're rooting for you.

• 1:31:26Speaker 03

  Show Stabby your huge rack.

• 1:31:28Stavros Halkias?

  If you have to send me a picture of your knockers.

• 1:31:32Stavros Halkias?

  I wouldn't be too mad if you have to. What else we got, Eldis?

• 1:31:37Speaker 00

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• 1:32:06Speaker 05

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• 1:32:36Speaker 09

  Hey Stabby Baby and Co.

• 1:32:40Speaker 09

  My wife and I don't have a ton of sex.

• 1:32:45Speaker 09

  But a couple of months ago, I went on a trip with my family and she stayed home. And the night before I left, she threw down with a vigor that I haven't experienced in a long time.

• 1:33:01Speaker 09

  She was pretty crazy, you know, gave me the best blowjob I've had in a while. She was very enthusiastic and we were very into it.

• 1:33:12Speaker 09

  And I'm just wondering, how do I get that same energy without constantly having to go on trips by myself?

• 1:33:21Stavros Halkias?

  This guy's about to be dealt a fucking double diamond platinum medallion.

• 1:33:29Speaker 09

  Go on trips by myself or making her abandonment issues worse.

• 1:33:34Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm, interesting.

• 1:33:36Speaker 09

  For context, she told me whatever guy wants to hear during, and she said, "Do whatever you want to me." And I was so taken aback that the only thing I could think of was to, uh, do some finger stuff with her butt. Um, and afterwards she even said, "That's all you had?"

• 1:33:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, bro.

• 1:33:57Speaker 09

  I'd like another chance to, uh, prove myself.

• 1:34:00Stavros Halkias?

  I got other stuff, gulp.

• 1:34:04Speaker 09

  To, uh, prove myself, but I just don't know how to get that energy from her without, you know, leaving all the time.

• 1:34:14Stavros Halkias?

  I'm sort of understanding the way.

• 1:34:17Speaker 09

  So, yeah, any advice you have would be great. Love the new weight loss series. I hope it works this time.

• 1:34:22Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:34:23Speaker 09

  And maybe if it doesn't, you should, uh...

• 1:34:25Stavros Halkias?

  I'm glad you can't fuck your wife, pal. I'm glad you, you somehow got cucked just by your wife's expectations.

• 1:34:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, what the heck?

• 1:34:34Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, fucking pinky, do whatever you want, pink, one knuckle in her ass, fucking amateur. Learn how to fuck your wife, chief. I, I hope, I hope that works next time, too. I hope your fucking wife comes next time, too, you fucking animal. Go ahead, I'll just finish this fucking thing.

• 1:34:53Speaker 09

  Uh, and maybe if it doesn't, you should, uh, get in some PEDs and get zamped up and, uh...

• 1:34:59Stavros Halkias?

  How about...

• 1:35:00Speaker 09

  You and Foley can have your own weight loss challenge.

• 1:35:02Stavros Halkias?

  What are you fucking talking about?

• 1:35:04Speaker 09

  Thanks.

• 1:35:04Stavros Halkias?

  This is why you're blowing it.

• 1:35:06Speaker 03

  Why do you have that on there?

• 1:35:07Stavros Halkias?

  This is why you're blowing it with your wife, man. Your general lackadaisical demeanor. You have no, you have honestly, no, she clearly wanted to be dominated and all you could think of was a fucking thumb in her ass, which is standard stuff, man.

• 1:35:20Speaker 03

  And he also, the, the problem with me with that was that he said, "Put it in her butt." Like, if you're saying butt, is that a fucking finger to fucking ass? Something's wrong.

• 1:35:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:35:31Speaker 03

  Like, you gotta fucking man up, baby. If you want her to be more energetic, then fucking do this to her. Out of nowhere, fucking start fooling around with her and be aggressive. I think she's telling you she wants that.

• 1:35:40Stavros Halkias?

  It does feel like she wants some aggression here. And also, like, you know, in the-

• 1:35:45Speaker 03

  That's all you got? That's crazy.

• 1:35:48Stavros Halkias?

  That's all you got from your wife.

• 1:35:49Speaker 03

  If my boyfriend said that, I would kill myself. That's all you got? I'd be like, what?

• 1:35:52Stavros Halkias?

  But I have to say, it is like, that's one thing, like, to get it from a woman who was like totally subservient to you is actually devastating on levels. Where it's like, like, I've definitely hooked up with people where I was like, oh, man, this really is more of a challenge. You know, where they're like so, they're like submissive, but like also like out of their fucking minds a little bit. And it's like, or they were like really nice, and then it's like this fucking crazy. And I do feel like, oh, I have to like really fuck the shit out of this person, or I'm like embarrassing myself.

• 1:36:24Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:36:25Stavros Halkias?

  Like, you know what I mean? Like, it's a challenge where it's like, like, that's all you got is like, you could have done anything. And it's just like, that would truly, yeah.

• 1:36:33Speaker 03

  But what, but what more really can you do when somebody asks, would you want to be slapped or choked, maybe?

• 1:36:38Stavros Halkias?

  Probably slapped, choked, fuck her mouth in a wild way, you know, fucking toss her around. It's just more of an animal.

• 1:36:45Speaker 03

  Pretty crazy.

• 1:36:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it's just more of a like, it's, it's an energy thing, and this guy is so low energy. Like, that's the thing. It's like, it's like, you want to be ravenous. You want, you know what I mean? And he doesn't seem like, he's just like, golly, that was a nice beager. You know what I mean? Like, you have a little bit too aw shucks energy. And that's, and that's the problem here is that like, my gut, my, my knee jerk reaction when he's like, how do I get this out of my wife? Is like, why are you asking us? Why aren't you asking your wife? You know what I mean? Like-

• 1:37:19Speaker 03

  And change things up a bit more. Don't just, just when you're leaving, clearly not a lot's happening in the relationship that you leaving is getting her going, ooh, something different, like, maybe do some other shit.

• 1:37:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, maybe she wants you to, like, you should talk to her about, you should be like, that was fucking sick. It caught me a little off guard. I'd love, you know, like, how can we get in that zone more? That was awesome. Now, the problem is-

• 1:37:41Speaker 03

  He brought up your weight loss.

• 1:37:42Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, no, no, no. The problem is that like unfortunate like in some instances, probably what she wants is for him to just take control, right? Like, and so meekly asking, hmm, how do I get head like that again? Like might not do it.

• 1:38:01Speaker 03

  No, no, no, that's not a turn on.

• 1:38:03Stavros Halkias?

  But at the same time, you, communication is important, right?

• 1:38:06Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:38:07Stavros Halkias?

  So it's like, you should say like, hey, that was, you know, you can talk to her about it. And then, once you know for sure what she wants, that's when you have to like spring into action, right? Like, um, and yeah, I would say like, you gotta, it sounds like she wants you to really get, get in the zone a little bit more. So what's, and, and all, the other thing that sometimes with these sex questions, that people miss out on is like, you know, this can be a symptom of other shit. Like what's your relationship like?

• 1:38:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:38:37Stavros Halkias?

  Like, does she respect you as a man? Like, do you, how are you do like, are you like, you know, are you provide? Like all this shit that like affects a relationship, do you pull your weight around the house? Do you like all this other, all that stuff goes into sex. So it's like.

• 1:38:53Speaker 03

  And also like if you leaving, like, is he just home all day, all the time, just sitting around?

• 1:38:58Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right, right, right.

• 1:38:59Speaker 03

  And then the second he gets up to leave, she's like, there's gotta be something else there.

• 1:39:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Is she cheating on you? You went on a trip. She's like, I gotta practice these new moves for my, for my fucking boyfriend. So I'm gonna practice on my fucking cuck husband. Is that what happened? Who's to say? Um, but no, I, I think you have to like have a little discussion and then like you gotta be a little more assertive. In my opinion.

• 1:39:22Speaker 03

  A lot of this comes from way more of a discussion. I think that a lot of people are scared to have, which is strange, but.

• 1:39:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you could just, and you don't want it to be, you want it to happen when it's not, the vibes are not sexual at all.

• 1:39:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:39:35Stavros Halkias?

  You want to separate the act, you don't want to be turned on and be like, so what do you want me to do? Cause that's, that's so, you know what I mean? Like that sucks, you know, when you're in the zone. You want this to be like a cold rational discussion of what you want in this area of your life. And then when it's actually fuck time, you just want to take those lessons.

• 1:39:54Speaker 03

  And just fucking ravish her.

• 1:39:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Do your best, buddy.

• 1:39:58Speaker 03

  Ravish.

• 1:39:59Stavros Halkias?

  Do your best. What do we got, little eldest?

• 1:40:04Speaker 10

  Eldis, honored guest. Uh, really simple question. How do I give less of a fuck about what other people think?

• 1:40:16Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 1:40:16Speaker 10

  Uh, I'm tired of, uh, worrying about, uh, offending people that are fully fucking offensive. And, uh, I don't want my brain space to be taken up, uh, with worrying about whether I've offended their, uh, you know, antiquated viewpoints and worldviews.

• 1:40:41Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, man.

• 1:40:42Speaker 10

  That's it.

• 1:40:43Stavros Halkias?

  We're gonna need a little more context on what you think an antiquated viewpoint is.

• 1:40:48Speaker 03

  And who is he saying this to? Why is he surrounding himself with people that already find him clearly very offensive?

• 1:40:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:40:55Speaker 03

  You got the wrong friend group, pal.

• 1:40:57Stavros Halkias?

  Offensive is so interesting because it's like, are you talking about like, are you a, like, are, is, are we talking to a, someone who's in an, in like, kind of an oppressive situation? Are we talking to a, a cowardly racist who wants to say slurs more? I don't think so, but it's like, but once you start saying offensive.

• 1:41:18Speaker 03

  Of, yeah, you just like.

• 1:41:19Stavros Halkias?

  You're like, oh, what are you offended? It's just, they've taken that word from, from us where it's like, anyone who's like, I don't even give a crap about being offensive. It's like, I, I'm a little, and I don't think that's what's going on here. Maybe what's going on is that like, I don't know, he doesn't believe in himself enough. Like, I don't, I don't, it's kind of, he's just being so vague.

• 1:41:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:41:41Stavros Halkias?

  And I don't know what you mean.

• 1:41:42Speaker 03

  I don't know what you mean, it's like, yeah, I, I need to know, are you trying to say the N-word? Because I'm not gonna help you, brother. I'm not gonna be like, well, don't hang out with black people. I don't know what, I'm not supposed to say this fucking like. Because at the beginning, they're not giving a fuck. I was like, oh, I'm relating to this totally because once I turned fucking like my thirties, I'm like, I don't give a shit about anybody anymore, about myself, but. This is like, oh, what do you want to say?

• 1:42:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, the offensive thing is interesting and like the viewpoints thing was like, cause on a personal level, I definitely know what it feels like to care what people think about you.

• 1:42:14Speaker 03

  Yes, yes, yes.

• 1:42:16Stavros Halkias?

  Like you said, when you turn thirty, I really think it was in my thirties for sure where I was like, why do I give a fuck?

• 1:42:22Speaker 03

  You can't, yeah.

• 1:42:23Stavros Halkias?

  And I really like got to the root of it and like worked on that stuff in therapy about like just kind of like, you know, actually being assertive about what I want and like all this kind of stuff and that's fair. All that stuff is very fair personally to want that.

• 1:42:37Speaker 03

  But.

• 1:42:38Stavros Halkias?

  But I just don't know what you mean about like, and it's not, but that to me is not about viewpoints and worldviews. To me, that's about like how you're treated on a personal level. Like, is that what you're talking about? Are you like?

• 1:42:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's got to call back in.

• 1:42:51Stavros Halkias?

  I need to know a little more. Elders, great screening, dude. Just the fucking most nonsense, non. It's all, there's all, there's like, you know.

• 1:43:00Speaker 03

  Cause it's not a simple question.

• 1:43:02Stavros Halkias?

  I also don't know what he means. How do I give less of a fuck about what other people think?

• 1:43:06Speaker 03

  I feel like this is like a crazy Trumper.

• 1:43:09Stavros Halkias?

  It could be, or it could be a guy, uh, somebody wants to go trans, you know, we don't know.

• 1:43:13Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:43:14Stavros Halkias?

  It's like, cause that's the hard part is like,

• 1:43:16Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:43:16Stavros Halkias?

  Does he think antiquated viewpoints are the gender binary or does he think that like now, um, race mixing has been around since the fifties and that's antiquated?

• 1:43:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:43:27Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? Like, cause like depending on which one, we're on your side, you know? But, um,

• 1:43:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, that one's hard.

• 1:43:34Stavros Halkias?

  I think in general, maybe this vagueness is also a symptom of like this guy doesn't believe in himself. He can't even bring himself to say what he, what he,

• 1:43:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:43:43Stavros Halkias?

  What he wants people to not worry about.

• 1:43:45Speaker 03

  Maybe it's something like so even like not even that offensive, like he just,

• 1:43:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:43:50Speaker 03

  Maybe he's just like a sweet boy.

• 1:43:51Stavros Halkias?

  I think it could be that.

• 1:43:52Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:43:53Stavros Halkias?

  I just, no, I think it could be. I think it could be because I definitely remember wanting to like not care what others thought of me or like whatever, when I'm like younger, um. And all that takes is like. Worrying about offending people. Yeah, what are you offending them about? I don't know, I think I'll just fucking screw the pooch on this one.

• 1:44:13Speaker 04

  I don't know, I think the subtext was like kinda, you know, just talking about like political shit. When, what, that's what I thought of when I saw like antiquated viewpoints and worldviews and.

• 1:44:24Stavros Halkias?

  Is he, does he mean like talking to his uh conservative uncle?

• 1:44:28Speaker 04

  That's kind of the vibe I got from it, but.

• 1:44:30Stavros Halkias?

  Well, if it's family. I feel like he's the conservative here. No, I don't think so. I think Elders might, might be right, but we just don't know for a fact. Um, but when you're parsing things, Elders, not a great question. When we have to fucking like, like this is the fucking Rosetta Stone and we're trying to like. Get clues as to what each thing might mean. Now, i- if it's your family, whatever, like. Who cares at this point? Yeah, your family, you're just like, whatever, fuck off, they're not, you don't have to let them have like, you know, hold the power over you, I guess. Yeah. Yes, you're gonna have, you know, I have, I went to a funeral, it was sad, and then, and then you start talking to your family friends who you love so much and they're. They are immigrants and they are talking about, we have to get the immigrants out. Yeah.

• 1:45:15Stavros Halkias?

  And it's like, I can't touch this right now. I'm sad. Your cousin came in from Canada illegally, I remember that, but. Fine, we'll just let this go, right? You know what I mean? Like, we're, we don't, yeah, you're right, and, and most of you have restaurants where you. Employ illegal immigrants, but we're not, you know what I mean? Like, I'm not ruining a fucking funeral to have this discussion, you know what I mean? Like. And you just have to remember, you know, if it's people that you ha- that you have a relationship with and they're older and they're set in their ways. Focus on your, focus on what's special about them to you. Yeah. Uh, and if you can sort of slowly around the edges, try and have. Honest and open conversations about what you believe in, in a way that's not confrontational.

• 1:45:59Stavros Halkias?

  And then if there's people who, you know, if they're antiquated viewpoints, whatever you mean by that,

• 1:46:07Stavros Halkias?

  if there's just people in your life that are ignorant and, you know, disagree with the things you agree with, and it's like, you cut those people out of your life if they're not important enough to make, you know. But again,

• 1:46:18Speaker 03

  We don't know.

• 1:46:19Stavros Halkias?

  We have no fucking clue. Aldous blew it. He tried to fuck. He half-heartedly defended himself with the subtext. Just fuck up and play us one good one to go out on, you piece of shit.

• 1:46:30Speaker 04

  Okay, this is, this is going back to, we got a lot of responses to the ongoing debate of is sending funny memes, memes, does that make you funny or not?

• 1:46:40Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 1:46:40Speaker 04

  This woman-

• 1:46:41Stavros Halkias?

  And you chose to do an episode that will come out months from now for us to address this. Two for two on the way out, Aldous, but go ahead.

• 1:46:49Speaker 04

  Let's hear it.

• 1:46:53Speaker 11

  Hey, Savvy, Aldous, and guests. I have something to add to the conversation about meme curation and funniness. And then I also have a follow-up question that's related.

• 1:47:06Speaker 11

  If you don't feel like bringing this to air because you don't have a host discourse, that's so fair.

• 1:47:11Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, we're a marketplace of ideas here on Star Wars World.

• 1:47:15Speaker 11

  I feel like the guy who called in and the folks that agree with him are fundamentally misunderstanding the difference between like being funny and having a sense of humor. Like appreciating humor is a wonderful thing, but that doesn't make you funny yourself. And I think that it's like fine to recognize that like sometimes you will be the funny person in the room. But often the thing that we like see as being funny is really just like having a sense of humor, being able to appreciate other people's like creative energy. Anyway, so-

• 1:47:53Stavros Halkias?

  I think you're right about, pause. Does she have, now we get into her question? Yeah, I think that's fair. I think that's what we were getting at. Somebody called in and or a woman called in and said she's funny because she sends her boyfriend really funny memes.

• 1:48:07Speaker 03

  Well, yeah, she's not funny.

• 1:48:08Stavros Halkias?

  And we were like, you're not funny.

• 1:48:09Speaker 03

  Not funny at all.

• 1:48:09Stavros Halkias?

  And you're right, curation and having a sense of humor. And that's a good point. I can like a nice painting. I can have good taste in art. But I can't fucking

• 1:48:18Speaker 03

  No fucking thing go over here. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:48:19Stavros Halkias?

  Pick up a fucking uh, brush or whatever. So I think that, you know, I think she made a nice

• 1:48:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's very well worded.

• 1:48:26Stavros Halkias?

  Well worded point. So we host we hosted the uh, the discourse. That was an episode that came out. When?

• 1:48:32Speaker 04

  Uh. We talked about it on the Kate Berlant episode, a response to it. So I think that's what like triggered this. And we got like a lot of very impassioned voicemails, like

• 1:48:42Stavros Halkias?

  A lot of people who aren't funny pretending they are.

• 1:48:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:48:46Stavros Halkias?

  You're not fucking funny if you like, this is the pro- what happens in a, in like, somebody else created those memes, you fucking idiots.

• 1:48:52Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:48:52Stavros Halkias?

  You didn't create them. Okay? Eventually, if we're, if it's a society just based on curation, who makes the fucking thing that you curate? Is it you? And maybe some people start that way, right? Some people like ha- and like some film, some great directors started as critics, you know what I mean? Like, that does happen. Some people who really study the thing and have a desire to create, fine, you can, I'm not saying you can't ever be funny, but you are not funny if you pick out good memes. And I'm, you know what? I'm not gonna get mad. Our friend, our friend put it very nicely. I'll just let her speak for us, but yes. Um, you just are out of your mind if you think picking good memes makes you funny.

• 1:49:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's, you've done nothing. You scrolled through a phone. You've done nothing. Get up on fucking stage when you're seventeen years old and do stand-up comedy. Suck my dick.

• 1:49:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Somehow get successful even though there, there's really no reason it worked out for you.

• 1:49:43Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:49:43Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, like the rest of us, like the forty or so of us that get to do this.

• 1:49:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:49:49Stavros Halkias?

  Or, yeah, like, go into your life knowing you're probably going to fail. And then just, you know, maybe you're one of the lucky ones, you know, but until you face, until you're twenty-three with no money and being like hey, if this is what it is, great, who gives a fuck?

• 1:50:03Speaker 03

  Uh-huh.

• 1:50:04Stavros Halkias?

  Then come back to me. But whatever, fuck you guys. What uh, let's, let's answer our friend's question here, Eldis.

• 1:50:10Speaker 11

  Dating, I'm on dating apps and I date men. And, um, I was just curious about your thoughts on something. This is probably just like Me having a little bit of a bias and being a bit of a dick.

• 1:50:22Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 1:50:23Speaker 11

  But I feel like every time that I see a man mention something about like wanting a woman with a sense of humor on their dating profile. I like, I take that as so you wanna be an asshole and I've immediately like set the tone that like you're gonna be like, oh, well, it's just a joke. Like, why can't you take a joke? This is probably like not a question, but I was just curious what your thoughts are on it. Anyway, I am coming to your Seattle show and super excited to see you.

• 1:50:56Stavros Halkias?

  Hell, yeah.

• 1:50:57Speaker 11

  Bye.

• 1:50:57Speaker 03

  I like this question. This is a good question. This is very relatable. Yes.

• 1:51:01Stavros Halkias?

  Definitely dealt with.

• 1:51:02Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 1:51:05Speaker 03

  Men don't like funny women. And they're fucking lying. That guy's a piece of fucking shit. They want you to shut the fuck up and laugh at them is what they fucking want.

• 1:51:13Stavros Halkias?

  Maybe it has to do with styles of comedy, maybe.

• 1:51:16Speaker 03

  No, men do not want funny women, especially on the apps. Trust me.

• 1:51:21Stavros Halkias?

  No, you're right.

• 1:51:22Speaker 03

  I would put that I was, I would go back and forth because I was on the apps for years. I would put that I was a comedian and that I wasn't because I kept like changing it to see something. Oh, I want a man to know that I am funny.

• 1:51:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:51:30Speaker 03

  No, they don't want it. I would lie for the first three days and be like, oh, yeah, I'm in the entertainment business. I'm an actress. And then slowly wean them in. This, the people who put that on there are fucking liars. They want you to laugh at their jokes.

• 1:51:42Stavros Halkias?

  I think I agree. I think because to me, humor is important to me when I'm dating somebody, but I don't lead with that because it's like, it's one of those things like that is just either there or it isn't.

• 1:51:52Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:51:52Stavros Halkias?

  And it's one of those things that you can't help. You just have to figure it out. Like, is somebody nice? Is somebody, you know, respectful? Like, these are, these are basic qualities that you will sniff out. And actually, humor, you'll probably pick out even faster than those other ones.

• 1:52:06Speaker 03

  Way faster. That's the first one. On a first date, you can tell someone's funny or like, you're a person, eyes get along at all.

• 1:52:12Stavros Halkias?

  Totally, totally. And so, and the other thing is, in a relationship, so much of being funny is like, It's it's sort of like vibe specific like things can be funny in the context of a relationship. Two people can make each other laugh and they're not funny at all.

• 1:52:26Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:52:27Stavros Halkias?

  And that does being objective. In fact, sometimes I'm like, I sometimes I go back and forth because like, women do like funny men. That is true, but also I'm jealous of the like people who aren't funny at all. If a girl's laughing at you, you know she likes you.

• 1:52:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:52:42Stavros Halkias?

  So if you start at, I'm not funny and I get a laugh, I can definitely fuck this girl.

• 1:52:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:52:47Stavros Halkias?

  But for me, I'm like, well, they're gonna laugh at me because I'm funny.

• 1:52:49Speaker 03

  Uh huh.

• 1:52:50Stavros Halkias?

  And some of them, that's enough to convince to wanna fuck me. Some of them wanna would have fucked me either way. But then there's some that are laughing due only to my incredible talents and have no desire to fuck me. Whereas like, like I get laughs in a way that it so like, sometimes I think about how that can be like a slight detriment. Where you're like, because if you're unfunny and you get a laugh, you're golden.

• 1:53:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:53:13Stavros Halkias?

  But I'm not sure. I'm not sure what my laugh, my laugh is not, these are different younger times in my life. Where I was more insecure. Now I'm like, whatever. But humor is very, so like objectively, objectively being funny, I don't think, especially the guys who put that on their dating profile.

• 1:53:29Speaker 03

  No, and I feel like this exact type of guy is like that Andrew Tate kinda guy who's like, he does wanna right away say something.

• 1:53:35Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:53:36Speaker 03

  So offensive and see like, oh, but I'm that I know. Well, I feel like what her problem is and what mine was, you're on the apps for too long and you start going cuckoo crazy.

• 1:53:45Stavros Halkias?

  And you start.

• 1:53:45Speaker 03

  You're these guys that are stuck on here, they're left in here, they're bad people and un-nice people, they're bad guys.

• 1:53:50Stavros Halkias?

  Well, if you're on long enough to start noticing ethnographic trends, then like, yeah, like to have, you know what I mean? Where she's figured out what this means.

• 1:53:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, she has.

• 1:53:59Stavros Halkias?

  That's a problem.

• 1:54:00Speaker 03

  It is a problem and I feel so, I'm so sorry for you because it's it's hell out there and I, I don't know what to tell you. Try to suck a pussy. I don't know.

• 1:54:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, give it a whirl. Um, but this is, this does go hand in hand with thinking, this is almost like the male version of the last question, where it was a woman saying she's funny because she picks out memes. A man saying he wants a funny woman is a guy, he's, he's pretending he's funny. He basically saying, I'm so funny, I need someone with a sense of humor. It's like, no, you're not. And if you, eh, like, you'd find, you would, a woman with a sense of humor, you would end up with one if you were actually funny. Cause there's no way, there's no way I'd be with somebody who doesn't, they don't have to be funny, but they have to have a good sense of humor.

• 1:54:43Speaker 03

  There's no way. You wouldn't, there's no way. All you do is make people laugh. If you come home and your girlfriend's like staring at you, there's no fucking way in hell.

• 1:54:50Stavros Halkias?

  Bombing in my own home? Are you fucking kidding me?

• 1:54:52Speaker 03

  Doing act outs? In the kitchen?

• 1:54:54Stavros Halkias?

  I'm taking juggling classes to get a fucking rise out of this bitch? No.

• 1:54:59Speaker 03

  Juggling three breakfast hot dogs? No ass?

• 1:55:02Stavros Halkias?

  Taking a bite out of each one?

• 1:55:04Speaker 03

  Goes all the way down? Just staring at you?

• 1:55:09Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, so anyway, that's interesting. You know, I like this call, this caller came in with some nice, some nice observations.

• 1:55:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, she sounds, she sounds great. She sounds like she is funny, actually.

• 1:55:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, good luck out there.

• 1:55:20Speaker 03

  Yes, please.

• 1:55:21Stavros Halkias?

  Um, you know, perfect, Eldis wanted to create discourse, so again, he literally waited for the, for the episode, we will, we said and we agreed with the guest, we will bank the longest. He waited for the one that will come out months from now to start a lively discussion on the episode that came out last week. Beautiful producing as always.

• 1:55:40Speaker 04

  He's over my head.

• 1:55:41Stavros Halkias?

  A mind for the big picture.

• 1:55:46Speaker 04

  On these evergreen, on these evergreen topics.

• 1:55:48Speaker 03

  Evergreen topics.

• 1:55:51Stavros Halkias?

  Well, folks, uh, go, listen, check us out on tires. See Steph's special on, on this day, on this place.

• 1:56:03Stavros Halkias?

  I guess, maybe we've announced the fall dates for the Dreamboat Tour by now, I'm not sure. Depending on the tires' schedule, we'll have, we'll either have released the fall dates, or we won't have them out. Uh, either, maybe we've released some, uh, we actually, we've probably released the European tour dates now.

• 1:56:20Speaker 03

  Wow, there's, you've got a lot going on.

• 1:56:22Stavros Halkias?

  A lot going on.

• 1:56:22Speaker 03

  Wait, can I plug my podcast?

• 1:56:24Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, of course.

• 1:56:24Speaker 03

  Steph Infection, please go, you're gonna come do it next time you're in LA?

• 1:56:27Stavros Halkias?

  I would love to come do it.

• 1:56:28Speaker 03

  Oh my god, it's all the body stuff, it's gross, you'd love it.

• 1:56:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 1:56:30Speaker 03

  Please listen to that.

• 1:56:31Stavros Halkias?

  I will do it the next time I'm there.

• 1:56:33Speaker 03

  You want?

• 1:56:34Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, so, listen to the pod, watch the special, watch tires, and come see us live wherever we're playing. Thanks, guys, see you next time.

• 1:56:41Speaker 03

  Bye.

• 1:56:55Speaker 00

  Farmers feed the world. Sometimes, they feel the weight of the world, and it can be too much. That's why Pioneer and country music star Chris Janson support rural mental health with the Hats Off to Farmers program. Visit pioneer.com/hatsoff to buy a ball cap that shows farmers you care. All proceeds fund mental health and farming communities through the Rural Minds Organization. Tip your cap and take a stand. Visit pioneer.com/hatsoff.

• 1:57:25Speaker 12

  Life is full of surprises. You're cruising along not a care in the world when out of the blue, life hits pause. Maybe it's a lost job or lapse in health care coverage. Well, United Healthcare is here with a variety of plans to keep things moving. Everything from health care plans that fit where you are in life to supplemental coverage like dental and vision. United Healthcare, your plan for taking the surprise out of life's surprises.