#122 - Dan Soder

Dan Soder returns to the pod to order Greek food with Stav and discuss his Stacy Keibler, his other favorite WWE divas, Matthew McConaughey's adverts, an incredible sandwich he unwittingly got for the last time, the prevalence of gambling, and much more. Dan and Stav help callers including a guy whose closeted boyfriend refuses to come out to his parents, and a woman who found out her mother-in-law had a tryst with her dad many years ago. See Dan Soder live and follow him on social media: https://www.dansoder.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dansoder/ https://twitter.com/DanSoder https://www.facebook.com/dan.soder/ Booking.com wants to help make you a fan of any U. S. city with a chance to win $1,000 in Booking.com travel credit! Head to the Booking.com Instagram page (@booking.com) and check out their sweepstakes post for more details! No purchase necessary. Eligibility requirements: Open to U. S. residents 18 and older. Promotion period: From 3/26/25 - 4/13/25. All rules are available in the caption of the sweepstakes post. 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets 🎥 Rent or buy LET'S START A CULT at https://stavvy.biz/movie ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld ☎️ Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:31Speaker 01

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• 1:00Stavros Halkias?

  Welcome, everybody, to Stavi's World. 904-800-Stavi. Call in, we'll solve all your problems. Returning, favorite, one of our, one of our kings of the inner circle, Dan Soder back on the couch. What's up, big boy?

• 1:17Speaker 03

  Good to be back in Queens.

• 1:18Stavros Halkias?

  Thanks, man. Doesn't feel right?

• 1:20Speaker 03

  I love it. I miss it.

• 1:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:22Speaker 03

  I really do. I miss Queens. It's a good neighborhood.

• 1:24Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, we're gonna have to put in the Beezy Grill order halfway into this episode, Elvis. All right, so when we, when we start the calls, we're gonna pause, we're gonna, we're gonna give you an order, you're gonna fucking call it in.

• 1:35Speaker 03

  I don't even need to do that. I'll fire that fucking order off right now. Here's what I want. I want a gyro platter.

• 1:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yup, check.

• 1:42Speaker 03

  Extra tzatziki.

• 1:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yup, check.

• 1:44Speaker 03

  Can of Canada Dry ginger ale.

• 1:46Stavros Halkias?

  Very nice.

• 1:47Speaker 03

  And extra pita.

• 1:48Stavros Halkias?

  There he is.

• 1:48Speaker 03

  Let's fucking get into it. I would do the cheese-filled sausages. What are those?

• 1:53Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, the, um...

• 1:55Speaker 03

  No, it's the beef.

• 1:55Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, beef taki.

• 1:56Speaker 03

  Beef taki? I might have to do, you know what?

• 2:00Stavros Halkias?

  Get a beef taki, man. Get it all.

• 2:02Speaker 03

  Flip it. I'm gonna do a beef taki platter.

• 2:05Stavros Halkias?

  Respect.

• 2:06Speaker 03

  With extra tzatziki.

• 2:07Stavros Halkias?

  I love that. I was a beef taki guy for years.

• 2:09Speaker 03

  You're the one that put me on the beef taki.

• 2:10Stavros Halkias?

  I was the one to put you on beef taki.

• 2:12Speaker 03

  Going into that restaurant with you, and you speaking Greek to them, changed that restaurant.

• 2:20Speaker 03

  I was like, oh, this place fucking rules. I miss BZ Grill so much. Now that I don't live in Astoria.

• 2:27Stavros Halkias?

  I know, it is tough. And that's the thing, I think when I leave, I will, because I've taken it for granted recently. Where it's just like, you know what, I've had it, I did it. When I first moved here, I had it like, I had it like, once a week.

• 2:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:41Stavros Halkias?

  Like, it was fucked up how much I was eating.

• 2:43Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 2:43Stavros Halkias?

  And I also, I do think unfortunately, the quality has gone down a little over the years.

• 2:48Speaker 03

  You think so?

• 2:49Stavros Halkias?

  Just a little bit. It's still great, but...

• 2:51Speaker 03

  But man, it was. I think every, it feels safe to say that I feel like the quality of everything has dropped.

• 2:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's, no, that's probably what it is.

• 2:59Speaker 03

  Like, everything.

• 3:00Stavros Halkias?

  Everything's more expensive.

• 3:01Speaker 03

  Everything.

• 3:02Stavros Halkias?

  Harder to run a business.

• 3:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, everything is just like, people are putting less into the product, more into marketing.

• 3:08Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 3:09Speaker 03

  So everything's kind of like, wasn't this better a couple of years ago?

• 3:12Stavros Halkias?

  It feels that way. And maybe, who knows, maybe that's nostalgia for, because there's honestly a time in my life where BZ Grill was like the best part of my life. Because like, when I very first moved here.

• 3:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:24Stavros Halkias?

  And I was crashing with my friend who, she lived across, she lived like, one block from BZ Grill.

• 3:30Speaker 03

  That's incredible.

• 3:31Stavros Halkias?

  And it was like, I, the honeymoon period of New York was over.

• 3:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 3:36Stavros Halkias?

  It was right when it ended, and I was like, oh, this is gonna be really hard. I had like, I shortly thereafter would get bedbugs.

• 3:44Speaker 03

  Oh!

• 3:45Stavros Halkias?

  Like, my life was just so bad.

• 3:47Speaker 03

  Oh, dude.

• 3:48Stavros Halkias?

  And I was like, my life's gonna suck dick, and I had no money, but dude, that lunch special at BZ Grill, I would go there.

• 3:54Speaker 03

  You know what's funny is...

• 3:55Stavros Halkias?

  Ten bucks, get me a yiro of fucking fries and a drink.

• 3:57Speaker 03

  Oh!

• 3:58Stavros Halkias?

  Good stuff.

• 3:59Speaker 03

  That was halal guise for me.

• 4:02Stavros Halkias?

  Mmm.

• 4:02Speaker 03

  On 54th and 6th.

• 4:04Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 4:04Speaker 03

  When I was living on my buddy's futon in Hoboken.

• 4:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, oh my god!

• 4:08Speaker 03

  And I was working, and I was working at K-Rock and Dos Caminos, but also doing stand-up.

• 4:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 4:14Speaker 03

  I moved to Astoria, lived in a windowless room on an inflated mattress. And Saturday nights, I would work till two in the morning at K-Rock and then I would go get that fucking, I would get the uh, chicken and rice with extra pita.

• 4:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yep.

• 4:32Speaker 03

  And a fucking twenty ounce of cold Sprite. And I would fuck that shit up. I would say that the three places that hold uh, my heart for food were uh, Halal Guys, Neptune Diner, R.I.P.

• 4:47Stavros Halkias?

  R.I.P. recently.

• 4:48Speaker 03

  And BZ Grill.

• 4:49Stavros Halkias?

  That place was.

• 4:50Speaker 03

  Mid.

• 4:51Stavros Halkias?

  It sucked it by the end. By the end, it was legit bad, but uh, ten years ago, you know, still.

• 4:56Speaker 03

  Twenty years ago?

• 4:57Stavros Halkias?

  Twenty.

• 4:57Speaker 03

  Twenty years ago, Joe List and I used to go in there, late night Monday.

• 5:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 5:01Speaker 03

  Blackout drunk, no money.

• 5:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 5:04Speaker 03

  And we would get chicken and rice soup.

• 5:06Stavros Halkias?

  Avocado lemon soup, yeah. Coto super, yeah.

• 5:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, and then we would get uh, grilled cheese and.

• 5:13Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, talk about a fuck, little, little kid with the flus order. That's like, I'm staying home watching The Price is Right. My mom brings me a tray of that.

• 5:23Speaker 03

  Did you take school off today?

• 5:25Stavros Halkias?

  Grilled cheese and chicken.

• 5:27Speaker 03

  When they, when they put the food down, they kiss your forehead.

• 5:32Speaker 03

  And you have to say, like, you just have to go, thank you.

• 5:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you have to pretend you're a little sicker than you are when your mom comes in the room.

• 5:40Speaker 03

  Laughing with Joe, and then I go, oh, hold on, they're bringing her food.

• 5:45Speaker 03

  Thanks. Thank you. Yeah, dude, they hated us.

• 5:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 5:51Speaker 03

  Hated us. They were so loud and drunk.

• 5:54Stavros Halkias?

  So loud drunk, fucking running up a nine dollar tab.

• 5:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, they're like, great, this fucking guy. But it was Monday, what do you want? You're not getting any business.

• 6:02Stavros Halkias?

  Totally. Clothes if you don't want us. This is who you get at this hour.

• 6:06Speaker 03

  It's two in the morning, and we're blackout on a Monday.

• 6:10Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, beautiful stuff, man, beautiful stuff. I will say in general, the diners in New York do disappoint me. I think it's because it's, everything is so expensive.

• 6:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 6:19Stavros Halkias?

  That to just run a nice, cheap diner is kind of impossible.

• 6:22Speaker 03

  You can't.

• 6:23Stavros Halkias?

  So, it's, everyone tries to make it this like, eh, no man's land where it's not shitty, greasy. Spoon, but they try and make it sort of appear elevated, but it's still cheap bullshit.

• 6:34Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 6:34Stavros Halkias?

  You know, it fucking sucks.

• 6:36Speaker 03

  What you want is you want them to shoot straight with you and be like.

• 6:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 6:39Speaker 03

  This is shitty eggs and shitty toast.

• 6:41Stavros Halkias?

  That's right.

• 6:41Speaker 03

  But it's a little bit better than Waffle House and you go, great.

• 6:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 6:44Speaker 03

  I'll take it.

• 6:45Stavros Halkias?

  And the ambiance is good. You get the, you get the fucking, it's diner ambiance.

• 6:49Speaker 03

  I feel like diner ambiance is, it's, I feel like diners were here when I moved here in oh seven and now they're gone.

• 6:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 6:56Speaker 03

  Now they're like holding on.

• 6:58Stavros Halkias?

  A victim of inflation and everything going bad.

• 7:00Speaker 03

  Dude, uh, the funniest one was, um, this sandwich place on twenty third avenue. Andrew and Frank's. I don't know if you ever.

• 7:07Stavros Halkias?

  Frank's, no.

• 7:08Speaker 03

  It was fucking phenomenal.

• 7:09Stavros Halkias?

  I know Sal, Chris and Charlie's.

• 7:10Speaker 03

  They were down the street.

• 7:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 7:11Speaker 03

  And so it was like Bloods and Crips. I never did Sal, Chris and Tommy's. I never did Sandwich King.

• 7:17Stavros Halkias?

  Sandwich King, yeah.

• 7:18Speaker 03

  Uh, until Andrew and Frank's shut down, but I used to go.

• 7:22Stavros Halkias?

  You were forced, you were a refugee seeking.

• 7:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, I was at the border.

• 7:26Stavros Halkias?

  They have, like, I like that place. It's solid. I respect them because their thing is like, our sandwiches are fucking huge.

• 7:33Speaker 03

  Huge.

• 7:34Stavros Halkias?

  They're like, they're solid.

• 7:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 7:36Stavros Halkias?

  They're not like, we're not gonna make the best sandwiches. They're like, we're gonna make good sandwiches. They're the biggest fucking sandwiches you've ever seen in your life.

• 7:41Speaker 03

  We have a giant dick. We're not gonna fuck you up.

• 7:44Stavros Halkias?

  We don't eat pussy.

• 7:45Speaker 03

  We don't eat pussy.

• 7:49Speaker 03

  You can sit on it, just stretched out, or there's nothing else. We do not have anything else. Dude, they, um, Andrew and Frank's, I went in when I did Edinburgh in twenty nineteen, where I did Fringe. I came back. Then I was like, got high. I was like, I'm gonna go to Andrew. Walked Andrew Frank's. It was like a lovely, not, they were open.

• 8:11Stavros Halkias?

  I thought that's how you found out they shuttered. That would have been devastating.

• 8:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, that would have sucked. It was almost worse though.

• 8:16Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 8:16Speaker 03

  Because they had a whole, like, uh, what I love is, and if you live outside of New York, there's these places where you'll walk in. How you know it's a good sandwich is when there's like FDNY badges.

• 8:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 8:26Speaker 03

  Or NYPD badges on the wall.

• 8:28Stavros Halkias?

  Copied pictures of them with Robert De Niro.

• 8:30Speaker 03

  That. A picture of them in Scorsese.

• 8:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, but like, low quality.

• 8:35Speaker 03

  And then you're gonna see about four or five pictures of twenty four year old men that died in the towers. Like on the wall, like there's four or five and you go, fuck, I know what that's from.

• 8:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 8:47Speaker 03

  Like there's just like, to Tommy, you'll always be the best brother in the world. And you go, I'm not gonna ask.

• 8:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 8:54Speaker 03

  That seems to be around oh one.

• 8:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 8:56Speaker 03

  But Andrew and Frank's, like the guy that operated it was awesome.

• 9:00Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 9:01Speaker 03

  It's very Queens.

• 9:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yep.

• 9:02Speaker 03

  They had like Queens themed sandwiches.

• 9:05Stavros Halkias?

  Love that.

• 9:06Speaker 03

  Um, the seven one eight did fucking rule.

• 9:08Stavros Halkias?

  What did we get on the seven one eight?

• 9:09Speaker 03

  It was a chicken cutlet with bacon, provolone, um.

• 9:14Stavros Halkias?

  When the chicken cutlet.

• 9:15Speaker 03

  Hot sauce.

• 9:15Stavros Halkias?

  When the chicken cutlet's the base and then there's four more ingredients.

• 9:19Speaker 03

  And there's ham.

• 9:20Stavros Halkias?

  Oh.

• 9:21Speaker 03

  Or there's bacon, ham, cheese. I might be doing a disjust, if I'm, if I'm speaking out of turn, uh, if I, if I fuck up, I apologize.

• 9:27Stavros Halkias?

  No, that's okay.

• 9:28Speaker 03

  He was making me a seven one eight.

• 9:29Stavros Halkias?

  Love that.

• 9:30Speaker 03

  And I was just, you know, it's that kind of.

• 9:32Stavros Halkias?

  The area code.

• 9:32Speaker 03

  Where they talk to you about it, where they go like, yeah, you know what I'm saying? I don't know. Daniel Jones is a bum.

• 9:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 9:38Speaker 03

  Like just talking about the Giants or whatever. Aaron Rodgers, honestly, fucking, he does more ayahuasca, maybe he'll be better.

• 9:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 9:44Speaker 03

  And then I'm like, it's crazy, man, with like the rent, like, you know, I think rent's going up everywhere. He goes, oh, yeah.

• 9:51Speaker 03

  A landlord just raised our rent, so we're shutting down. And I was like, what's up? He's like making a sandwich. He goes, yeah, we're closed. I was like, oh no, like a couple of months. He goes, tomorrow.

• 10:00Stavros Halkias?

  Oh my god.

• 10:03Speaker 03

  I was like, this is the last sandwich I'm gonna buy. And he goes, yeah. And that was it. I took a picture of it. I have it in my phone. Swear to god.

• 10:11Stavros Halkias?

  Send it over, man. We'll, we'll post the last picture you ever got.

• 10:14Speaker 03

  I'm gonna fucking send you a picture of a seven one eight.

• 10:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 10:18Speaker 03

  Dude, so funny how fast I can recall the picture.

• 10:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. It's like next to you, it's like right next to you getting engaged. It's your last seven one eight.

• 10:28Speaker 03

  Katie goes, what is this? I go, don't worry about it. It's a seven one eight.

• 10:31Stavros Halkias?

  Look, I told, look, I deleted the phone, the pictures of my exes.

• 10:35Speaker 03

  I got rid of all the nudes, all the sex.

• 10:37Stavros Halkias?

  I'm, I'm keeping the seven one eight.

• 10:39Speaker 03

  Dude, there you go.

• 10:41Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that's some fucking beauty, dude. Yeah, that's nice.

• 10:45Speaker 03

  It's not the best, it's not the most beautiful picture of a sandwich, but you get the idea.

• 10:48Stavros Halkias?

  I see, you couldn't close it if you want, the bread, the, the sides of the bread could not touch.

• 10:55Speaker 03

  They cannot touch.

• 10:56Stavros Halkias?

  I love that. And you got the sweet onion kettle chips. Love that as a.

• 11:00Speaker 03

  What's the soda that I got? Oh, probably Canada Dry. Look at how wet that thing is.

• 11:04Stavros Halkias?

  That thing looks nice, dude. And I like that because it's big, but it's also like within the grip of it. Because again, some sandwiches are just too big. Some sandwiches you have to cut slices of.

• 11:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, and that's the ones, the, the slice one, you're like, what am I doing?

• 11:17Stavros Halkias?

  It's like, what is this?

• 11:17Speaker 03

  What are you, what are you making me do? I'm sending.

• 11:19Stavros Halkias?

  Now this is lasagna?

• 11:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:21Stavros Halkias?

  Now you've turned a sandwich into a casserole?

• 11:23Speaker 03

  Oh, fuck, I gotta eat it with a fork and knife like a fucking psycho? I wanna pick it up, I wanna be able to hold it, but I expect it to be like a bouquet.

• 11:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. I'll go after it a little bit.

• 11:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, you're like, I'll go around it.

• 11:35Stavros Halkias?

  I have a couple bites, strategic bites.

• 11:37Speaker 03

  But dude, it is. And then I went to Sal and Christmas, which they're unbelievable. Their tuna is.

• 11:44Stavros Halkias?

  Mmm, never been a tuna guy, though. I get the bomb, the Italian.

• 11:48Speaker 03

  Great, the bomb's the classic.

• 11:49Stavros Halkias?

  Every, I mean, it's literally, you just empty a deli onto a slice of bread.

• 11:54Speaker 03

  Big Jay put me on, Big Jay put me on Sandwich King, and what he does is he slices it into like uh, pieces so you share it all. That's, that's great.

• 12:04Stavros Halkias?

  Well, that's what I mean.

• 12:04Speaker 03

  We gotta do the extra work.

• 12:06Stavros Halkias?

  They've turned it into a party sub.

• 12:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:08Stavros Halkias?

  It's like, look, I'm a fat man, I get that, but there, it's like, you're, my complaint is the sandwich is too big.

• 12:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:14Stavros Halkias?

  And that's crazy, but you can get there.

• 12:16Speaker 03

  You're a size queen, too.

• 12:17Stavros Halkias?

  You know, yeah, that's the thing, it's like, I'm a size queen, but it's like, what, this is crazy.

• 12:20Speaker 03

  This is insane, and they go, this is what, I'm sorry.

• 12:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, they call my bluff.

• 12:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:25Stavros Halkias?

  I'm not a size, I've been talking to big game.

• 12:27Speaker 03

  You are, you're the girl.

• 12:29Stavros Halkias?

  Big game with my wide pussy, and then I see that thing, and I'm like, this is too much.

• 12:33Speaker 03

  What is that?

• 12:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, what is this thing?

• 12:35Speaker 03

  Milton Berle? He's got enough, you show enough to win?

• 12:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 12:41Speaker 03

  That was what they always say when they do the dick comparing competitions.

• 12:43Stavros Halkias?

  Dick contest, like.

• 12:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, how big is your dick? He's like, just, I just show enough to win.

• 12:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, I'll just pull out enough to win.

• 12:48Speaker 03

  That's, that's an uncomfortable amount of penis, sir.

• 12:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I think I do. I've gotten with age. I want quality over quantity in my sandwich.

• 12:59Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 12:59Stavros Halkias?

  It's like, I'd like it to be not even the full 12 inch roll, but that weird little in between kinda 8 inch.

• 13:05Speaker 03

  10 inch to 8 or 10 inch?

• 13:06Stavros Halkias?

  8 to 10, exactly.

• 13:07Speaker 03

  That's what Wawa does. They do a shorty roll.

• 13:09Stavros Halkias?

  I like a shorty, sure.

• 13:11Speaker 03

  Just a little bit smaller.

• 13:12Stavros Halkias?

  And I want the bread to be good. I want, I want the like, and I want the ingredients.

• 13:16Speaker 03

  Bread, you don't realize how important.

• 13:18Stavros Halkias?

  Now I'm thinking of favorite sandwiches of the past. Shout out to Pasta Mista in Canton.

• 13:22Speaker 03

  You're all right.

• 13:22Stavros Halkias?

  They have, they had a cheesesteak and their regular cheesesteak. Unremarkable.

• 13:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:28Stavros Halkias?

  But they also make fresh baked focaccia bread rounds. And you could, there was, there was a specialty sandwich. They make focaccia, but I never got that sandwich, but then I saw it there. I was like, can I get the cheesesteak on focaccia? And they're like, yeah, sure. Do you remember that era, Eldis?

• 13:44Speaker 04

  Yeah, I don't know if I ever got that specifically.

• 13:47Stavros Halkias?

  That ruled our lives for 10 years. And the thing is.

• 13:50Speaker 03

  And it's where?

• 13:51Stavros Halkias?

  It's in Canton, in uh.

• 13:53Speaker 03

  Oh, I thought it was Ohio or the holidays.

• 13:55Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, no, just the neighborhood in Baltimore. Pasta Mista's a chain, but I don't know if the other ones have the focaccia. And actually, I think they might have stopped the focaccia because I went back like, you know, however you get nostalgic for a childhood sandwich.

• 14:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:06Stavros Halkias?

  I ordered it and it just came with, in a regular roll and I wanted to fucking kill myself.

• 14:11Speaker 03

  I'm telling you, man, bread makes memorable sandwiches.

• 14:14Stavros Halkias?

  And you let that fuck, you order it with that, you know, I would order it with cheesesteak, uh, sauteed onions, mushrooms, mayo. Like I, I want to get a little, some hots, a lot of stuff there and you let, and the trick was you couldn't eat the sandwich right away. You let it sit for 15 minutes and it.

• 14:32Speaker 03

  You edge yourself?

• 14:33Stavros Halkias?

  Dude, it, it like.

• 14:34Speaker 03

  You make your sandwich to.

• 14:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, literally.

• 14:37Speaker 03

  Do a dance for me.

• 14:37Stavros Halkias?

  I engorged myself, dude. Yeah, to the point where it's like you would just tap me and I would nut, but it, it got to the point, you know where a normal bread would get soggy and would ruin the sandwich? This, all the juices flowed, but the focaccia just took it like a champ and every bite was like you were having, you had a, you were eating a cheesesteak and you had cheesesteak flavored focaccia bread around it.

• 15:00Speaker 03

  God.

• 15:01Stavros Halkias?

  God damn, that was awesome.

• 15:02Speaker 03

  Sopping up the soup with it.

• 15:04Stavros Halkias?

  It was the, yeah, you know, the feeling when you sop up something and get the last thing? A whole sandwich made out of that.

• 15:09Speaker 03

  The closest I get to my Swedish roots of being a Viking. Sopping something up with bread.

• 15:14Stavros Halkias?

  Dude, this was.

• 15:15Speaker 03

  Or my grandpa living in alt Colorado. I feel like an old cowboy.

• 15:19Stavros Halkias?

  Hell, yeah.

• 15:19Speaker 03

  Um.

• 15:20Stavros Halkias?

  Is that the family went over? They were frontiersmen?

• 15:23Speaker 03

  Well, my dad's family's Swedish, but uh, my mom's family moved to Colorado and like when, you know, when we were taking.

• 15:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 15:30Speaker 03

  I know.

• 15:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 15:32Speaker 03

  You know, that whole manifest destiny thing was happening.

• 15:35Stavros Halkias?

  From where?

• 15:35Speaker 03

  Uh.

• 15:36Stavros Halkias?

  You know?

• 15:36Speaker 03

  I think they're Irish.

• 15:37Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, but from Ireland or like from the east coast?

• 15:40Speaker 03

  Um.

• 15:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, look into.

• 15:41Speaker 03

  Great, great, Ira- is from Ireland.

• 15:43Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 15:44Speaker 03

  But my great grandfather.

• 15:47Stavros Halkias?

  You gotta look into that.

• 15:48Speaker 03

  My, my mom's dad was born in like alt Colorado. So his dad, I think was like the one that came west from Chicago. So that's what it is.

• 15:57Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 15:58Speaker 03

  Cause he went bankrupt and then moved back to Chicago.

• 16:01Stavros Halkias?

  Really?

• 16:02Speaker 03

  Leaving my grandma to raise. Leaving my great grandma to raise.

• 16:06Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, so this runs in the family?

• 16:07Speaker 03

  Oh, no, that's my mom's side. My dad's side was the one that bailed on everybody. Yeah, we, you know.

• 16:12Stavros Halkias?

  You had deadbeats on both sides.

• 16:14Speaker 03

  No, my mom's family, besides that guy, my mom's family's solid. But I think, you know what's funny? My mom's family was the proper response to a deadbeat.

• 16:22Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 16:22Speaker 03

  Where they're like, no, we don't do that anymore.

• 16:24Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right.

• 16:25Speaker 03

  My dad's family was like, oh, that's what we do.

• 16:26Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, everyone's a deadbeat, you know, that's part of cost of doing business.

• 16:29Speaker 03

  That's, it's the two, that's the two ways you can go.

• 16:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

• 16:33Speaker 03

  We stand by our family now, which.

• 16:35Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 16:35Speaker 03

  My mom's family's so good and my dad's family was like, yeah, fuck that, I'm out. Bills came. You gotta pay him.

• 16:45Speaker 03

  Sorry, I hear a little parrot squawking my name.

• 16:50Speaker 03

  But uh.

• 16:51Stavros Halkias?

  Getting my dick sucked.

• 16:53Speaker 03

  But I'm thinking about sandwiches. Where my grandma lived.

• 16:56Stavros Halkias?

  Mm hmm.

• 16:56Speaker 03

  Burgers are tough because burgers, the bun is so important. Everyone thinks it's the fucking patty.

• 17:02Stavros Halkias?

  Patty, I'm not gonna say negligible. Obviously, it's not. You can fucking patty up, but the bread, bread is.

• 17:08Speaker 03

  The bread is, the bread is the quarterback. The Patty is the running back.

• 17:13Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 17:13Speaker 03

  You still know you're a good running back.

• 17:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 17:15Speaker 03

  But if you got a Hall of Fame fucking quarterback, you're gonna be alright. And this place-

• 17:20Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting. So like, a really good team with no running back is like a grilled cheese essentially.

• 17:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, you're just like, oh, this is delicious.

• 17:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 17:28Speaker 03

  If you had a great running back, this thing, you-

• 17:29Stavros Halkias?

  You're right, great running back with like, no, with just shit, like if you get a great piece of meat and you have to eat it on like, white bread or cracker, cracker bread or some bullshit.

• 17:39Speaker 03

  What do you, Trent Dilfer?

• 17:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, the man won his championship.

• 17:42Speaker 03

  I know, I said that. But what did he have, Jamal Lewis?

• 17:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, rookie Jamal Lewis and Priest Holmes.

• 17:48Speaker 03

  Oh my god.

• 17:49Stavros Halkias?

  That backfield.

• 17:50Speaker 03

  Before KC Priest Holmes.

• 17:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, before, before, we were happy with Jamal and he went to KC and then he had his whole renaissance.

• 17:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 17:57Stavros Halkias?

  That was quite a running back room.

• 17:58Speaker 03

  Fuck. Um, but yeah, Ben, I remember there was this place, this burger place on the lake where my grandma lived, on Clear Lake.

• 18:06Stavros Halkias?

  I can't say it's the quarterback, I'm sorry, I've been thinking about this, I can't.

• 18:09Speaker 03

  You can't agree with it?

• 18:10Stavros Halkias?

  I can't agree with bread being the quarterback.

• 18:11Speaker 03

  Why? Was bread just the line?

• 18:13Stavros Halkias?

  Bread's the offensive line, yeah. Yeah, we did it, yeah.

• 18:16Speaker 03

  You know what, uh, you know what? Cause you have unbelievable bread, you're okay, you're protected.

• 18:23Stavros Halkias?

  You could put any bullshit on there and you could run a solid offense. And, uh, cause I was saying my, with my own analogy, I was like, but if I did get an awesome Patty on Wonder Bread, I would be, I wouldn't, it wouldn't be great, but the bread is so good, you could just make the most of it.

• 18:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, you're right, hold on. You have like, you have like a all-pro line.

• 18:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, yes, that's, that's the best, and yeah.

• 18:45Speaker 03

  Eight seconds in the pocket.

• 18:46Stavros Halkias?

  And then when you combine the two. But you're right, yeah, cause an offensive line can make dog shit, like-

• 18:53Speaker 03

  But then sometimes-

• 18:54Stavros Halkias?

  Cause you could just eat good bread.

• 18:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:55Stavros Halkias?

  If you really needed to, so you just put a slice of cheese there, you're good.

• 18:59Speaker 03

  There's a place in San Francisco called Sam's Burgers. It's like a greasy spoon.

• 19:02Stavros Halkias?

  Love it.

• 19:02Speaker 03

  Side of the wall, best, it's my favorite burger in the world.

• 19:05Stavros Halkias?

  Love it, okay.

• 19:06Speaker 03

  My favorite burger in the world.

• 19:06Stavros Halkias?

  Write it down, elders, we're going to San Francisco.

• 19:08Speaker 03

  It's called Sam's, I'll be there, uh, the night of March 2nd, cause I'm doing Palace Fine Arts, so you know I'm gonna get some Sam's after that.

• 19:15Stavros Halkias?

  Love that, dude.

• 19:16Speaker 03

  But, um-

• 19:17Stavros Halkias?

  Shit, when are we there? Damn, we're gonna miss each other by like a week.

• 19:19Speaker 03

  Damn it. Um, but they, they do like, almost-

• 19:26Speaker 03

  Family backyard bread.

• 19:27Stavros Halkias?

  Love that.

• 19:28Speaker 03

  But it makes the burger. The burgers are great.

• 19:31Stavros Halkias?

  Now, we're talking when you like a bun, like.

• 19:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, the bun is like, the bun is like, almost like a Wonder Bread.

• 19:37Stavros Halkias?

  Those buns are good. Those are buns. Yeah, that's a good.

• 19:40Speaker 03

  Sesame seed.

• 19:41Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that's great.

• 19:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know.

• 19:42Stavros Halkias?

  That's great, like.

• 19:43Speaker 03

  But a lot of times people want the fancy.

• 19:45Stavros Halkias?

  Well, that's, that's just like not overthinking it, right? The fancy stuff is like, you don't want a diva offensive lineman.

• 19:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:52Stavros Halkias?

  You want a guy in the trenches, knows his fucking play. Brioche? Get that the fuck out of my face.

• 19:57Speaker 03

  With the focaccia, you're getting a guy that's got a, a orange visor.

• 20:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, well, listen.

• 20:03Speaker 03

  For contract.

• 20:04Stavros Halkias?

  But listen, you know, he's, he's got pancakes, he's pancaking people, dude.

• 20:08Speaker 03

  Sells a product based on his blocking skills?

• 20:10Stavros Halkias?

  Totally, yes. He's got his own.

• 20:12Speaker 03

  Pancake batter that he sells.

• 20:13Stavros Halkias?

  No, pancake batter.

• 20:15Speaker 03

  How are Olinemen not doing that now? Everyone's trying to sell booze. Fuck that, dude. You're an Olineman.

• 20:21Stavros Halkias?

  Power, protein pow- pancake, uh, batter.

• 20:25Speaker 03

  Trent Williams.

• 20:26Stavros Halkias?

  Let's get it.

• 20:27Speaker 03

  Trent Williams, sell pancake batter.

• 20:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, cuz there's so.

• 20:31Speaker 03

  Trent Williams is pancaked.

• 20:33Stavros Halkias?

  Power pancake. You gotta call him power pancake. There's so many, cuz there's so much, people, it's smart. There's a lot of like power pancake or protein pancake stuff. It's just pro- pancakes with fucking whey protein in it. But they like, they have that Kodiak brand and it's like.

• 20:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, Bear didn't make this.

• 20:49Stavros Halkias?

  Anyone can do this. It's like, it's not, but you know what? You throw a little fucking NFL lineman on there.

• 20:54Speaker 03

  If Lane Johnson is telling me that I'm gonna beef up.

• 20:57Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely.

• 20:58Speaker 03

  And that I, I got a little.

• 20:59Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, it's a little dude meat fourteen?

• 21:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:02Stavros Halkias?

  If fucking Jonathan Ogden had power pancakes, I'd be like, Mom! I don't care if you need to work another shift. Get J O's power pancake batter.

• 21:11Speaker 03

  Get better tips. I want my protein pancakes.

• 21:15Stavros Halkias?

  Would it kill you to smile a little more when they come in for calamari?

• 21:18Speaker 03

  Throw some cleavage out there. Start remembering people's names. Whatever fucking things. I need my power pancakes.

• 21:25Stavros Halkias?

  You need some veteranic dotes, Mom.

• 21:27Speaker 03

  I'll write bits for you.

• 21:30Speaker 03

  Work on your small talk. I need my pancakes.

• 21:35Stavros Halkias?

  A hundred percent.

• 21:36Speaker 03

  Dude, I would have been in there.

• 21:39Stavros Halkias?

  I would have been locked in.

• 21:40Speaker 03

  Dude, how do they not have that?

• 21:42Stavros Halkias?

  I know, you're a genius for that one, bro.

• 21:43Speaker 03

  Well, they're gonna use it, I'm gonna get no credit.

• 21:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, damn.

• 21:47Speaker 03

  But I will buy it and go, you know, I fucking thought of this.

• 21:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, fucking piece of shit.

• 21:52Speaker 03

  Have you ever had a friend tell you that they invented DVR? I've had it more than, more than twice. More than twice.

• 22:00Stavros Halkias?

  What was their point?

• 22:01Speaker 03

  That they really were like, don't know, like I was telling people, like, we should be able to rewind television. You go, well, yeah. I came up with time travel. What are you talking about?

• 22:11Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah, dude, air conditioning, I came up with air conditioning, because I was hot one day.

• 22:15Speaker 03

  It's just people that, it's when you realize some of your friends are stupid. You're like, what?

• 22:19Stavros Halkias?

  Well, people don't understand, like, what, yeah, having just a basic idea is nothing.

• 22:24Speaker 03

  No.

• 22:24Stavros Halkias?

  You have to do something. Yeah.

• 22:26Speaker 03

  That's like, I've seen people do that, um, when I've posted stand up online, where they go, yeah, I pretty much have the same joke. And you go, cool, dude.

• 22:34Stavros Halkias?

  No, you don't, man. Yeah, no.

• 22:36Speaker 03

  When would I have ran across you?

• 22:39Stavros Halkias?

  Well, something that started happening to me, which like after, let's start a cult, where no, people just think of you as a stand up, but it's like, you know, I did the movie and I've got in some weird DMs where it's like, a block of text that's like, um, uh, completely like stream of consciousness. And it's a guy being like, so yeah, that's my movie idea, uh, whenever you're in, uh, Fort Worth.

• 23:00Speaker 03

  Dude.

• 23:00Stavros Halkias?

  Come buy, I'll buy a couple beers and we could just write this, it's like, what are you talking about, man?

• 23:05Speaker 03

  There's a part of my brain that really hopes it's just Nick lying on his couch.

• 23:10Speaker 03

  He's coming up with new profiles, setting new movie descriptions. And then you go, oh, dude, it's just like, all the other side is him and his glasses, like.

• 23:21Speaker 03

  Subtly enjoying it.

• 23:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, dude.

• 23:23Speaker 03

  He's like, yeah, that, that fucker.

• 23:24Stavros Halkias?

  That works.

• 23:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, because people feel, I mean, everyone's accessible now.

• 23:28Stavros Halkias?

  But it's, but it is funny, where it's like, that's not what writing something is. Or that's, and just being like, we should have DVR, that's not creating something. You have like being a little lab and you have to code shit, there's so much work. Everyone has ideas, you have to just do the stuff.

• 23:44Speaker 03

  The hard part is learning how to make it.

• 23:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 23:47Speaker 03

  It's the very, very, very hard part. Dude, I was just thinking about. Thank God we didn't have, you didn't really have like, social media when you were going through puberty, did you?

• 23:57Stavros Halkias?

  No, no.

• 23:58Speaker 03

  Can you imagine how dangerous? I would have sent Trish Stratus like fifty DMs.

• 24:04Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, one hundred percent.

• 24:05Speaker 03

  And then find him as an older man, you're like.

• 24:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, dude, I would like even.

• 24:09Speaker 03

  Watching Monday Night Raw at like twelve years old, just being like, Stacy Keebler.

• 24:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, dude, I wanted, that is true, do little kids.

• 24:17Speaker 03

  Horned up.

• 24:18Stavros Halkias?

  Do little kids DM WWE superstars?

• 24:21Speaker 03

  I would. I'm just telling you, I'm forty one and I would have absolutely would have.

• 24:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean, dude, these days, those, the gals are looking incredible, too.

• 24:30Speaker 03

  Well, they're, yeah, I mean, they've always looked incredible.

• 24:32Stavros Halkias?

  They always have, but there's more of them.

• 24:34Speaker 03

  Trish Stratus is one of the hottest.

• 24:35Stavros Halkias?

  I'm a big Trish.

• 24:36Speaker 03

  Or Stacy Keibler.

• 24:37Stavros Halkias?

  Huge Stacy, daughter of Baltimore.

• 24:40Speaker 03

  Um, is she?

• 24:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, she's from Baltimore.

• 24:42Speaker 03

  I always liked that she was a little buttoned up.

• 24:45Stavros Halkias?

  Mm hmm.

• 24:45Speaker 03

  I always appreciated, I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm a Trish Stratus guy through and through.

• 24:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, a little extra, you know.

• 24:50Speaker 03

  But the cowboy hat and the titties up to the neck.

• 24:53Stavros Halkias?

  Titties up to the neck, yep.

• 24:54Speaker 03

  But then Stacy Keibler, I'm like, this, she was the librarian to me, that was like.

• 24:59Stavros Halkias?

  And she wasn't like tra, like that trashy wrestling hot of like tits out.

• 25:04Speaker 03

  Yeah, which.

• 25:05Stavros Halkias?

  Strong, big ass, which was awesome. She was like a hot cheerleader type, like, you know, leggy blonde.

• 25:12Speaker 03

  Like your si, your friend's sister.

• 25:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, the hottest version of that, not true, we all know what Trish Stratus looks like.

• 25:17Speaker 03

  Fuck it, still got it, still throwing heat. She showed up at the rumble this year.

• 25:22Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, did she?

• 25:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, Trish Stratus came in.

• 25:24Stavros Halkias?

  I had no idea.

• 25:25Speaker 03

  She still works.

• 25:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, she, uh, she went, she, she, yeah, Stacy is from Baltimore, dated Clooney, of course.

• 25:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, that was the infamous one. Which you want to find out that she's only forty five? That's impossible. I was like.

• 25:40Stavros Halkias?

  Sorry.

• 25:40Speaker 03

  She's four years older than me. She was eighteen. I was like thirteen. She was seventeen when she was in WCW.

• 25:46Stavros Halkias?

  No, but.

• 25:47Speaker 03

  You tell me she was seventeen when I was.

• 25:48Stavros Halkias?

  She was in WCW, she was WWF.

• 25:50Speaker 03

  Starting WCW, look it up.

• 25:52Stavros Halkias?

  I don't think so. This is the rare, I, I know.

• 25:54Speaker 03

  You taking a run of me?

• 25:55Stavros Halkias?

  I, I don't mean to.

• 25:56Speaker 04

  I trust Dan on it.

• 25:58Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, yeah, yeah, is that her with what's her face?

• 26:01Speaker 03

  Stacy Keibler, WCW.

• 26:03Stavros Halkias?

  Sorry.

• 26:03Speaker 03

  My guy.

• 26:04Stavros Halkias?

  You're right, you're right.

• 26:05Speaker 03

  Monday Nitro.

• 26:05Stavros Halkias?

  You're right, I'm sorry.

• 26:06Speaker 03

  In two thousand.

• 26:07Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know what I was thinking.

• 26:08Speaker 03

  So I was on, so two thousand, so I was sixteen, so it's not as innocent as I thought it was. Damn, I kinda had a shot. I didn't know I was within striking distance.

• 26:18Stavros Halkias?

  You really didn't, man.

• 26:19Speaker 03

  Damn Stacy Keibler. If I could go back to my twenties when I was dead broke.

• 26:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Yeah, by the time you had like any money, she's literally dating George Clooney.

• 26:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean.

• 26:30Stavros Halkias?

  By the time you had like, not even any money, but just like a car.

• 26:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, by the time I had the Dodge Stratus.

• 26:37Speaker 03

  She was gone to the wind.

• 26:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 26:40Speaker 03

  She was already out of here. Yeah, dude. And I wasn't a legs guy. Never really been a legs guy.

• 26:45Stavros Halkias?

  Me neither. That's what made her so special in that. This was, this is a refined woman that wrestling fans would never jack off to.

• 26:53Speaker 03

  You felt like she was untouched.

• 26:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, this was like, you felt wrong even like looking at her.

• 26:58Speaker 03

  Oh my God, Stacy, you're so sweet. Why am I doing this? Why am I doing this unspeakable act? And why is my mom knocking?

• 27:08Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it's like Sable, Trish Stratus, like, you know, there's a little, there's like, they had been through something.

• 27:15Speaker 03

  Uh, which I appreciated because that, those were the women my dad.

• 27:19Stavros Halkias?

  Jacqueline.

• 27:20Speaker 03

  Oh, I mean, I'll tell you, uh, right now, who am I?

• 27:24Stavros Halkias?

  China, of course.

• 27:25Speaker 03

  But also Goldberg, I mean, uh, Gold, Goldust's, uh, wife, right there. She's, uh, right there, the third one in there.

• 27:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. Yeah, these are, these are, these are women that, you know.

• 27:36Speaker 03

  You know what it was? Post divorce look.

• 27:39Stavros Halkias?

  It's post divorce, it's like, they have, uh, had a change of heart and refused to testify in their boyfriend's domestic abuse.

• 27:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:47Stavros Halkias?

  Case at the last moment.

• 27:49Speaker 03

  Lot of Tories, a lot of names.

• 27:51Stavros Halkias?

  Tories, yeah, yeah, yeah, ah, yeah, yeah.

• 27:54Speaker 03

  Dangerous combo. And then Stephanie McMahon shows up with the huge cans.

• 27:57Stavros Halkias?

  Stephanie McMahon with the big cans, definitely, absolutely. But yes, Stacy, just a, a different caliber of woman.

• 28:05Speaker 03

  Yeah, I wasn't into Lita.

• 28:06Stavros Halkias?

  I, oh, I loved Lita.

• 28:07Speaker 03

  Uh, Lita was like.

• 28:08Stavros Halkias?

  Lita was trashy too, though.

• 28:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, but I never got into it. Stacy and Trish Stratus.

• 28:14Stavros Halkias?

  You know, what can I say? I'm a man of the world. I jack off to Latinas, Dan.

• 28:17Speaker 03

  That's so brave of you. God damn, you are. You're a dreamer. You stand for the Dreamer Project? And you're a dreamer.

• 28:27Stavros Halkias?

  Come on, the thong, the little red thong poking out?

• 28:29Speaker 03

  I mean.

• 28:30Speaker 04

  That was beat enough to leave.

• 28:31Speaker 03

  Were you?

• 28:32Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah. I love, I always love the red hair.

• 28:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, the red hair?

• 28:36Stavros Halkias?

  The red hair was big for me, too, yeah.

• 28:38Speaker 03

  I always felt like she would rather go rollerblading than hang out with me.

• 28:41Stavros Halkias?

  Nothing wrong with that, dude. And maybe that's why I like.

• 28:43Speaker 03

  She's cute.

• 28:44Stavros Halkias?

  That's why I like bi girls. She definitely feels like she, you know, could date a woman or a man.

• 28:49Speaker 03

  Were you, she's the kind of girl where you're on a date and you bump into her ex-girlfriend?

• 28:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 28:54Speaker 03

  It's like a Chasing Amy.

• 28:55Stavros Halkias?

  And you're like, what? I'm like, huh?

• 28:57Speaker 03

  But you, but.

• 28:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 29:00Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 29:01Stavros Halkias?

  That would be cool.

• 29:03Speaker 03

  Trish Stratus, Trish Stratus feels like she's gonna be like, hey, my husband's home and he's angry. You gotta go. You never told me you were married.

• 29:09Stavros Halkias?

  She's jacked off really fast, like, alright.

• 29:11Speaker 03

  And you go, fuck, I'm a cowboy, I'm a cowboy. You're a cowgirl on the horse.

• 29:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, Trish Stratus, the legend. The legend.

• 29:20Speaker 03

  The one.

• 29:21Stavros Halkias?

  That's, yeah, that's, that's who I name checked in my special, right? She, yeah, yeah, come on, so.

• 29:26Speaker 03

  Did she reach out?

• 29:27Stavros Halkias?

  I wish, I wish. You know, she's a happily married woman. She probably knows that if we got to talking, the vibes would just be just too undeniable. It'd be undeniable, dude, yeah. She'd have to get divorced again.

• 29:39Speaker 03

  She would start smiling and putting her hair behind her ear. Fucking over. And then what, divorce court?

• 29:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, we can't do that. So, yeah.

• 29:48Speaker 03

  But Stacy Keibler, she's married, too.

• 29:50Stavros Halkias?

  Stacy's also married, yeah.

• 29:51Speaker 03

  She's happy.

• 29:52Stavros Halkias?

  Happy. She's probably, yeah, she's probably, I'm gonna get.

• 29:55Speaker 03

  You just wanna see her living a good life.

• 29:56Stavros Halkias?

  We looked this up. Was she married like a finance guy or something? Like, she has such a, such a likes, yeah.

• 30:01Speaker 03

  Like, when you find out Salma Hayek is married to like a billionaire and you're like.

• 30:04Stavros Halkias?

  That one breaks my heart, dude. Oh, no, she, I don't know, who is this fucking guy? Joe O'Jared?

• 30:10Speaker 03

  Good for him. Got married in 2014.

• 30:13Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck, dude.

• 30:14Speaker 03

  Oh, so they bet, oh, they got a bunch of kids. Good for him.

• 30:17Stavros Halkias?

  What kind of shit? What's he up to, dude? What's your business?

• 30:20Speaker 03

  What's he do? What's he do for work?

• 30:22Stavros Halkias?

  He's gotta be entrepreneur.

• 30:24Speaker 03

  Entrepreneur.

• 30:26Stavros Halkias?

  Entrepreneur slash business.

• 30:27Speaker 03

  They live in Austin.

• 30:28Stavros Halkias?

  Okay. Yeah.

• 30:31Speaker 03

  I'm gonna be at the Paramount later this year.

• 30:34Stavros Halkias?

  I wonder what CEO of Future Ads.

• 30:37Speaker 03

  Oh, it's probably some AI.

• 30:40Stavros Halkias?

  Future, let's look up the company.

• 30:41Speaker 03

  Interactive marketing company.

• 30:43Stavros Halkias?

  GameVans.

• 30:43Speaker 03

  Online gambling. There it is. Follow the blood money.

• 30:48Stavros Halkias?

  There it is. And use promo code STAVI when you're doing it.

• 30:54Speaker 03

  When you're losing everything you own. Promo code STAVI.

• 30:59Stavros Halkias?

  Psych, we're done after the Superbowl. This will come out after the Super Bowl. I honestly didn't feel comfortable advertising fucking gambling.

• 31:07Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah. Did you do it for a while?

• 31:08Stavros Halkias?

  I did it. Yeah, yeah.

• 31:10Speaker 03

  On the regs, they signed up for it and didn't tell me. And I have a bit about how I'm against it. And now you see me on the podcast, I'll be like, DraftKings provides you.

• 31:21Speaker 03

  I'm not even making, I'm probably not even making money off it.

• 31:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you have to split that four ways and then, even the fine print Louis is writing out that he actually.

• 31:31Speaker 03

  I get a hundred percent. So at the end, hey, Soder, you actually owe me about twenty thousand dollars. What? How do I have to pay you? Well, I gambled your share.

• 31:44Speaker 03

  But I don't know football. And you're like, god damn it, dude.

• 31:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, dude, it does feel, there's gonna be a pandemic.

• 31:52Stavros Halkias?

  Something fucked up. I mean.

• 31:53Speaker 03

  There's gonna be a wave. There's just gonna be a wave of like.

• 31:56Stavros Halkias?

  We could, that's why Vegas existed. That's why we had a couple Indian casinos. You do it, it's like the Amsterdam principle of like, have a couple places where you can do whatever the fuck, go buck wild.

• 32:06Speaker 03

  Listen.

• 32:07Stavros Halkias?

  You can't have it on your, a person's phone.

• 32:09Speaker 03

  A bookie used to make you afraid.

• 32:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 32:13Speaker 03

  You would like be afraid of a man.

• 32:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 32:16Speaker 03

  You'd be like, I owe this man.

• 32:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 32:18Speaker 03

  Thousands of dollars because the Steelers fucking went for it on fourth and three where they shouldn't.

• 32:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 32:25Speaker 03

  And now I have to. Do this, or this man is gonna hurt me. And now it's like, what's funny is Chrissy, uh, Chris Stefano is telling me all his boys just found out that they tax your winnings.

• 32:36Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 32:36Speaker 03

  So they're like, yo, what is this?

• 32:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's how we're gonna get, that's how we're gonna get people to turn against it. Is Italians realizing they have to pay taxes on their winnings?

• 32:46Speaker 03

  Bro, I got like a fucking bill for like twenty thousand dollars from the fucking government.

• 32:50Stavros Halkias?

  I'm sure, by the way, I'm sure those companies are paying the same tax rate you are. I'm sure this isn't another fucking scam.

• 32:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's all, you, you are paying for their bonuses.

• 33:00Stavros Halkias?

  This fucking sucks. But I'm Kevin Hart, sign up today. Yeah, and it's the richest people. I go to sleep in a, in a bed made of gold.

• 33:08Speaker 03

  Dude.

• 33:09Stavros Halkias?

  Look, we were trying to get our fledgling podcast off the ground, okay?

• 33:12Speaker 03

  Are you sick?

• 33:12Stavros Halkias?

  What does Kevin Hart need the fucking money for?

• 33:15Speaker 03

  Are you sick of like watching celebrities take money that you know they don't need?

• 33:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, that's, that's the crazy thing. It's like, look, I get, you know, commercials pay well and it's like actors that do commercials, what, you know, that are coming up, whatever.

• 33:26Speaker 03

  Ecosystem.

• 33:27Stavros Halkias?

  But like, why are, why are you doing this?

• 33:30Speaker 03

  Matthew McConaughey, you've got enough money, dude. We love you.

• 33:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 33:34Speaker 03

  You don't need to push AI on us.

• 33:36Stavros Halkias?

  I know.

• 33:37Speaker 03

  We understand.

• 33:37Stavros Halkias?

  All the AI.

• 33:38Speaker 03

  That the Illuminati is pushing us towards singularity. But a lot of us aren't down with it.

• 33:44Stavros Halkias?

  I know the AI.

• 33:44Speaker 03

  It's like him being like, look at me, I'm sitting outside in the rain.

• 33:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 33:48Speaker 03

  How am I outside on the rain? Soon he's gonna be like, give in to your robot overlords. I know when the robot soldiers come to my door, I'm there like, want some tuna salad?

• 34:02Speaker 03

  And they're like, uh, all right, that's a weird thing to say.

• 34:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 34:06Speaker 03

  Even my wife, if they're powered, their oil is blood.

• 34:12Speaker 03

  Just like us.

• 34:13Stavros Halkias?

  Their oil is human blood.

• 34:15Speaker 03

  And they harvest our organs.

• 34:19Speaker 03

  A human wouldn't know to harvest my gallbladder.

• 34:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, dude, AI is so scary.

• 34:26Stavros Halkias?

  Well, it's, part of it's scary, but also part of it is like, now everyone's calling everything AI. So like, any, like, you know, well, even, remember when we were like the AI chatbots or whatever? And it's like smarter child or whatever. It was just like some very, very simple programs. There's stuff that we've been using that they're just saying, now it's AI. Or they'll just call every algorithm, it's AI generated. And it's like, not everything. Can this stuff actually learn?

• 34:54Speaker 03

  That was like when they would call everything truffle fries?

• 34:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 34:57Speaker 03

  Are you actually using?

• 34:59Stavros Halkias?

  Wagyu. Every fucking burger's wagyu now.

• 35:03Speaker 03

  Oh, really?

• 35:04Stavros Halkias?

  That's what they've done to AI.

• 35:07Speaker 03

  Cause it's fucking everywhere I go.

• 35:09Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, I'm getting Kobe beef in Dubuque. Oh, interesting. But they're, they're doing that with, where like.

• 35:15Speaker 03

  This Shoney's has Kobe.

• 35:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it's mostly just a way for, for corporations to steal from us.

• 35:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:22Stavros Halkias?

  And it's, it's like, it's just completely like, it's, it's laundering artwork and whatever and saying it's AI doing it. And it's like, no, you're just stealing people's work. All those stupid drawings of Trump with big nipples or whatever. You're stealing someone on DeviantArt's work where they have big nipples and gay guys sucking each other's cocks. It's like, we need to be paying those guys.

• 35:43Speaker 03

  Hey, I made that about my lover.

• 35:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, there's, yeah, the guy who draws Sonic is pregnant. It's like, oh, it's funny what we do with Vladimir Putin's got Trump's baby. But that used to be Sonic having knuckles, baby. And we gotta pay that original artist.

• 35:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't wanna watch Trump and Kamala bang. I wanna see Marge hit, I wanna see Marge get hit from the back by homie.

• 36:08Speaker 03

  I'm trying to watch Lois take on Peter in Quagmire.

• 36:11Stavros Halkias?

  Lois getting fucked by Brian and he's jacked. He's got a huge jacked human body for some reason, but his head.

• 36:18Speaker 03

  And a white penis, which means I guess it's fur.

• 36:24Stavros Halkias?

  You didn't really think this through.

• 36:26Speaker 03

  Man, you guys are so horny, you skip some important parts.

• 36:29Stavros Halkias?

  That would be funny if they did that. He's got a jacked human body and then he's got that pink dog rocket dick. But it's awesome and huge.

• 36:36Speaker 03

  Have you ever been like real close to a?

• 36:39Stavros Halkias?

  A dog's penis?

• 36:40Speaker 03

  Like a red rocket, like a?

• 36:42Stavros Halkias?

  Not really.

• 36:43Speaker 03

  It is. There's, there's something about it where you're like, I feel threatened.

• 36:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 36:49Speaker 03

  You just feel, it's animalistic.

• 36:51Stavros Halkias?

  Cause that thing's locked and loaded. It's like, somebody, it's like, one thing that'd be around a gun, it's nothing to be around a gun where the guy just went.

• 37:00Stavros Halkias?

  The Red Rocket is, it's got the clip in the chamber.

• 37:04Speaker 03

  My brother-in-law and sister-in-law have this couple they're friends with, they're awesome. And they have this giant dog.

• 37:13Speaker 03

  And I don't know what the dog is. I wanna say it's either a Mastiff or it's something.

• 37:17Stavros Halkias?

  So like, a, you see, like a fucking huge boy.

• 37:20Speaker 03

  Nuts on him.

• 37:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, big nuts.

• 37:22Speaker 03

  Big nuts. Katie was petting him. We were in Chicago. Katie's petting him. This motherfucker got bricked up like a human. It was like, human. Like, I looked at it and I was like, I went like this.

• 37:37Speaker 03

  Son of a bitch. I don't know, you know, we like try to buy a couch with an eye.

• 37:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 37:43Speaker 03

  In my living room, you go.

• 37:46Speaker 03

  Paul Mastiff's got a cock the same size as mine. It was, it was.

• 37:51Stavros Halkias?

  Holy shit.

• 37:51Speaker 03

  And where I'm like, yo, hey, I got like mad at him. I got mad at him. I'm like, hey, bro.

• 37:56Stavros Halkias?

  And it was just a dog's dick. Like a hu- like, we're talking, we're talking like a, but it's shiny and red and wet.

• 38:04Speaker 03

  Well, yeah, dude, it was full, full Red Rocket.

• 38:06Stavros Halkias?

  Full Red Rocket and how?

• 38:07Speaker 03

  It's not like a human guy. What do you work with, fucking, uh, what do you, you work with Henson, Jim Henson's people? You in a Henson dog suit with your cock hanging out?

• 38:21Stavros Halkias?

  Well, today, we're gonna learn about.

• 38:24Speaker 03

  He takes the dog head off, he's like, just some scumbag from Chicago. I had a hair done. I swear to God, that guy was looking at me like he knew I was human. But his wife got me fucking hurt. I don't know, I don't know what you want me to tell you, bud. Your wife's got a great ass.

• 38:43Stavros Halkias?

  So what are we talking, like, legitimately four solid inches?

• 38:47Speaker 03

  Six inches of dick.

• 38:49Stavros Halkias?

  No. This dog had a bigger dick than I have?

• 38:52Speaker 03

  You know what? I was across the room, so.

• 38:54Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 38:55Speaker 03

  I, I.

• 38:56Stavros Halkias?

  And you were threatened.

• 38:57Speaker 03

  Very.

• 38:57Stavros Halkias?

  You know, cause it's your, it's your fiance, so.

• 39:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:01Stavros Halkias?

  In your head, in your head, you had it like.

• 39:03Speaker 03

  About to go down, man versus wolf.

• 39:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 39:06Speaker 03

  Honestly, Igor and Maggie are lucky I didn't grab a fucking blade and go after that thing.

• 39:11Stavros Halkias?

  That's so fu- cause that's like.

• 39:13Speaker 03

  No, they're very sweet. Also, they're very funny about it. They're like, you don't want dog owners that are weird about it. They were very funny, very cool about it. They were like, yeah, it's fucking, we'll get, hey, they're like yell at him.

• 39:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, stop being hard.

• 39:26Speaker 03

  And then he gets harder.

• 39:29Speaker 03

  Then he came.

• 39:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you fucking idiot. He's like.

• 39:36Speaker 03

  Are you, you fucking stupid.

• 39:38Stavros Halkias?

  Fucking dog. Your ancestors used to keep us safe.

• 39:42Speaker 03

  I kept saying.

• 39:43Stavros Halkias?

  And now you're, now you're sad because we won't feed you boiled chicken.

• 39:46Speaker 03

  Oh, what? You want wet food?

• 39:47Stavros Halkias?

  Look what you've become.

• 39:50Speaker 03

  Sorry, he's gonna pop. He's gonna pop.

• 39:52Stavros Halkias?

  Guys, stand back. He's about to pop.

• 39:54Speaker 03

  On porch, he's about to come. Star's about to arc roast.

• 40:01Speaker 03

  Dude, but one time, uh, my old dog, Montana, named after the greatest quarterback of all time.

• 40:06Stavros Halkias?

  Shout out to Montana.

• 40:07Speaker 03

  Uh, red gold, fat red golden retriever. I was like, we, um, he had just been neutered, like just been neutered. But he still had some fucking bullets in the chamber.

• 40:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 40:18Speaker 03

  And my mom, we were driving to my mom's.

• 40:20Stavros Halkias?

  Goodbye bullets, dude. The last none of his life.

• 40:23Speaker 03

  Dude, you got one bullet, save it. He wrote, he wrote a denied.

• 40:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, deny yawn is come. Denied the pose.

• 40:31Speaker 03

  But he, um, my, we were my mom's old forerunner and my mom was in the driver's seat and I was, you know, obviously riding shotgun. I was like nine. And my mom was like scratching Montana's belly and she was like, yeah, I don't know. Like I can drop you off at football practice. And then I looked back and this motherfucker, this is the first time I saw like, it was a red rocket.

• 40:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 40:49Speaker 03

  And I was like, Montana's got a boner. And my mom was like, oh, Montana. And I laughed so hard. Cause your buddy got a boner on mom. You're like, hey, you touched my dog's dick. And my mom was like, oh.

• 41:02Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, you fucking slut. You touched Montana's dick.

• 41:06Speaker 03

  Species slut.

• 41:07Stavros Halkias?

  Well, that dog that you're talking about, you could, it sounds like you legitimately fuck that dog.

• 41:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's like those women on the internet do that.

• 41:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 41:16Speaker 03

  They like fuck German shepherds and stuff.

• 41:18Stavros Halkias?

  I didn't realize their dicks were that big.

• 41:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 41:20Stavros Halkias?

  I didn't realize a dog's dick could get that big. Now I'm pissed off.

• 41:23Speaker 03

  Now you're mad at dogs? Not a cat man, not a cat guy.

• 41:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, no cat's dick is that big.

• 41:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:28Stavros Halkias?

  What's a Maine Coon cat's dick look like?

• 41:30Speaker 03

  They're like thirty pounds, I think.

• 41:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, look at it. The first thing elders, elders, uh, Googles, there isn't much information about the average penis size of a Maine Coon. Well, that's again, we're doing AI again, which again, this is a great example. Google calls this AI. And it's like, all they're doing is fucking, just the first four things.

• 41:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:54Stavros Halkias?

  Well, whatever.

• 41:55Speaker 03

  Can I tell you that it kinda makes me happy we can't find this?

• 41:57Stavros Halkias?

  Me too, man.

• 41:58Speaker 03

  That there's still a part of the internet where they go, what are you doing?

• 42:01Stavros Halkias?

  We also still, we still need experts sometimes. We still need to call up a breed.

• 42:07Speaker 03

  We don't need marriage experts. We don't need financial experts, but we need cat experts.

• 42:12Stavros Halkias?

  I also don't like the, these cats freak me out. Cats should be little.

• 42:16Speaker 04

  I want one so bad.

• 42:17Speaker 03

  A big Maine Coon?

• 42:19Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 42:19Speaker 03

  My, my grandma's cat was, uh, Hobbs. He was half orange tabby, half Maine Coon.

• 42:25Stavros Halkias?

  Oh.

• 42:26Speaker 03

  He was a big fucking boy.

• 42:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 42:28Speaker 03

  He filled up a whole sink.

• 42:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I don't like that. Look at these, they look like fucking monsters, dude.

• 42:33Speaker 03

  But my, my grandma had one with half a tabby, so he didn't have those ears.

• 42:37Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 42:37Speaker 03

  He looked like a regular cat with a fucking big body.

• 42:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I just don't think cats should be, cats should be little and cute.

• 42:43Speaker 04

  I want one like that with that cool fucking cat beard.

• 42:46Stavros Halkias?

  No, dude, that thing.

• 42:47Speaker 03

  I genuinely feel like I'm being watched by them. I don't like it.

• 42:50Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, but I think that's, see, that's the thing. I think it's funny because it's like, the whole vibe of a cat is if a cat, if you were the size of a cat and it was the size of you, he would kill you.

• 43:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:01Stavros Halkias?

  And that's funny. Is that like, ha ha, I have control of you. You're cucked by life. Like, you're this big, you have the same DNA as a lion, but you, you have to eat.

• 43:09Speaker 03

  Tiny lion.

• 43:10Stavros Halkias?

  You have to eat whatever the fuck I give you.

• 43:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:12Stavros Halkias?

  And a couple rats, whereas like this, the Maine Coon is, it's not quite unmanageable. Obviously, people have them as pets. But it's like, it's starting to get too close to the tiger zone for my comfort.

• 43:22Speaker 03

  That's exactly true. He goes, if I have a problem, you're gonna have a problem.

• 43:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, like this guy could really fuck you. A, an ornery Maine Coon could really fuck you up.

• 43:31Speaker 03

  Let a Siamese come at me. I'll toss that thing across the room like a rag.

• 43:34Stavros Halkias?

  I'll kick the fuck out of him.

• 43:35Speaker 03

  Maine Coon, I.

• 43:37Stavros Halkias?

  It's a fight.

• 43:38Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:38Stavros Halkias?

  It's an actual fight.

• 43:39Speaker 03

  Going to work with scratches on you.

• 43:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 43:41Speaker 03

  If people were to know what happened to you.

• 43:43Stavros Halkias?

  I remember I got scratched by, I tried, this was one of the first times, in hindsight, I so clearly could have fucked this girl, but I just, I was like nineteen and I had not gotten pussy and I didn't know that I could.

• 43:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:57Stavros Halkias?

  You know, and so she like invited me back to a place where she was, um, where she was, like, cause the date was going bad. So in my head, it was like, I'm not hooking up with a girl, but I guess she was just like, a good time.

• 44:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 44:09Stavros Halkias?

  Right? So the date was going bad. And then she's like, yeah, you come back. And she was like, her vibes, she just didn't really feel like it. Or I don't know, maybe this is all in my head.

• 44:17Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 44:18Stavros Halkias?

  And just, it was just bad omen after bad omen, where it's like, we were gonna go see a movie and the like, tickets sold out or some shit.

• 44:26Speaker 03

  She go, ah.

• 44:26Stavros Halkias?

  And then we're gonna go to a restaurant and it was like, closed and we went to some, we actually did go to a diner. And it was like, this was like my chance to like, in hindsight, I'm like, wow, I blew it. And that's kind of my origin story of like, cause I also had a crush on this girl in college. One of the worst, but then the, there was just like a, uh, she was house sitting with someone and they had a little cat. And this thing fucked me up, dude. Like it would, it scratched me like three separate times. The point was she was just like, alright, I'm just gonna shut it in a different room. And like, that was like, it felt like an omen. I should have just listened to that cat. Nothing good could have come of it. I like, I try, I kind of make a move and I just, I just blow it so crazy.

• 45:06Speaker 03

  It wasn't meant to be.

• 45:08Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, but she had some, I did get to touch her titties, but I wish I would have fucked her.

• 45:11Speaker 03

  Well, you got to touch her titties.

• 45:13Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, what were we talking about? Now I'm just sad.

• 45:15Speaker 03

  It's so funny. Don't come out of it. You go.

• 45:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, she's married now. I looked her up on Facebook a couple of years ago.

• 45:24Speaker 03

  The one that got away? You definitely, do you think she watches your shit?

• 45:28Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know, maybe. It's more like, uh, I, we, this was really early on in college and then she just kind of disappeared.

• 45:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, but there, I think you'd be surprised with how.

• 45:40Speaker 03

  Much of an imprint you make on people that maybe you don't think.

• 45:42Stavros Halkias?

  That's possible. I, you know what it is? It's not even the one that got away. It's like.

• 45:47Stavros Halkias?

  That girl is like, she exists as like the, the like, um, uh, evidence that I'm just a fucking loser. You know what I mean? Like, is it like, like I now in hindsight, I'm like, even girls that, you know, it didn't go well with whatever. I kinda, I would crush it with girls I liked and I would figure out ways to like woo them or whatever. And I just blew it so hard with her.

• 46:11Speaker 03

  I've had a couple of absolute botches.

• 46:13Stavros Halkias?

  You know, and I like clearly could have fucked her, you know, whatever. And I just didn't, I didn't hook up, whatever. And I just completely fucked it up. And I just kinda wanna be like, I'm, I can fuck now. I'm good if, I know, I know how to pick up on signs. I would have never taken you to a diner.

• 46:26Speaker 03

  But that's how you learn.

• 46:27Stavros Halkias?

  A nice, I wanna take this woman, I wanna ask her, I wanna be like, hey, can you pause your marriage? You probably have kids by now.

• 46:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:34Stavros Halkias?

  And let's just go to dinner and a movie and I'll eat your pussy and just, I just want it on the record. It's kinda like how even like a first girlfriend, I wanna be like. I don't want, I don't want it on record.

• 46:46Speaker 03

  How bad I was.

• 46:47Stavros Halkias?

  Fucking I did twenty years, like, I need you to just know I can fuck better than that.

• 46:53Speaker 03

  No.

• 46:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, just, just, just to know. And that's the, that, the first girl, the, oh, that's right, the cat scratched me. That's how we got here.

• 47:01Speaker 03

  But that cat, that cat was releasing you.

• 47:03Stavros Halkias?

  I wish I had listened to the cat.

• 47:05Speaker 03

  Married to her, living in fucking Maryland right now.

• 47:08Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 47:09Speaker 03

  You know what I mean?

• 47:09Stavros Halkias?

  Possible.

• 47:10Speaker 03

  Like watching a podcast.

• 47:12Stavros Halkias?

  I would never marry her, let's be honest. I would just gotten the fucker.

• 47:14Speaker 03

  How are those titties?

• 47:15Stavros Halkias?

  They were awesome.

• 47:16Speaker 03

  There you go.

• 47:17Stavros Halkias?

  That girl had huge tits. They were sick. Shout out to you. I won't say your name, but if you're divorced, holler at the boy.

• 47:24Speaker 03

  John Fish used to have my favorite joke about that where he was like, I'm in my late thirties, they're coming back around.

• 47:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 47:32Speaker 03

  He goes, all the good ones that got, we got away.

• 47:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 47:35Speaker 03

  They're coming back around.

• 47:38Stavros Halkias?

  Um, well, anyway, before I go into any more fucking dark holes, why don't we give some fucking advice?

• 47:43Speaker 03

  Oh, do you want to order that?

• 47:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, let's put that order in. Uh, and get me just a side of beef teki with tzatziki. I got a little salad, you know, I'm trying to keep it clean.

• 47:51Speaker 03

  I love it, I love it, dude. Stay fucking healthy, my man. My guy. My boy.

• 47:56Speaker 04

  Wait, a side of beef teki with what?

• 47:58Stavros Halkias?

  Um, a side of beef teki and a side of tzatziki.

• 48:01Speaker 03

  So funny that my sandwich is still up here.

• 48:03Stavros Halkias?

  That's beautiful.

• 48:04Speaker 03

  I'm like, I love you.

• 48:05Stavros Halkias?

  And get yourself something nice, Elvis.

• 48:08Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 48:09Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 48:10Stavros Halkias?

  So, put that, put that, uh, order in. And play us a little call.

• 48:15Speaker 03

  Let's get nuts.

• 48:18Speaker 05

  Hey, Savi, uh, looking for advice from a male perspective.

• 48:22Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 48:22Speaker 05

  Uh, I just want to have fun, nothing serious.

• 48:24Stavros Halkias?

  Nice.

• 48:26Speaker 05

  And in a perfect world, I'd like to have a steady friends with benefits situation.

• 48:30Stavros Halkias?

  Sick.

• 48:30Speaker 05

  Um, but we always stop talking after the second or third meetup, and I have no idea why. And they always give me like, very specific and super flattering compliments on my abilities. Um, and then they tell me I'm super cool and that they'd love to be friends with benefits, but it never lasts, they always fizzles out. What the hell is going on?

• 48:51Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 48:52Speaker 04

  Important question. Beef teki, medium, medium, rare, well done?

• 48:57Stavros Halkias?

  Medium. Actually, th- there's beef te- there's two kind of meat, you know what? He wants beef teki, I want a kebab. The kebab is without the cheese. Um, but yeah, medium. Friends with benefits, interesting.

• 49:12Speaker 04

  Fries or rice?

• 49:14Speaker 03

  Fries.

• 49:16Stavros Halkias?

  Um, have you, have you engaged in friends, are you a friends with benefits guy? Have you been in these situations?

• 49:22Speaker 03

  I will tell you, I, for a long time, did that. And now that I'm out, I realize the error of my ways.

• 49:30Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 49:30Speaker 03

  You are denying.

• 49:33Speaker 03

  Your emotions to connect. So it's like chewing food but not swallowing.

• 49:38Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 49:39Speaker 03

  Like you need to.

• 49:41Stavros Halkias?

  So you think you think like in you wanted to date the people? Or you were just with people that you didn't want to date or what do you think?

• 49:48Speaker 03

  Both. I think it was like I was putting myself in situations where I I didn't have to hold myself accountable. I didn't have to make a connection.

• 49:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 49:56Speaker 03

  I didn't have to be intimate.

• 49:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 49:58Speaker 03

  I could just fucking bang with a weird lifeless stare. Get the physical pleasure of it and then get out of there, but there was no connection. There was no.

• 50:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 50:07Speaker 03

  There was no like. I didn't grow from it, but that sometimes is going to cause pain. That's what dating is.

• 50:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, totally. It's it is. And I will say. Most of these. The part of this problem is what you want. It's cool to want something, right? Just like. Just, you know, no strings attached sex, whatever. I've been in plenty of these situations. And um. Some of them have been awesome because we legit. Both liked each other enough to see each other, but not neither one of us wanted to date the other and like. If you if.

• 50:40Speaker 03

  I've had a couple of those and those are great, but.

• 50:42Stavros Halkias?

  Pretty much friends that you all that also suck you off and that's all. That's a cool friend.

• 50:47Speaker 03

  But. You are by definition making a temporary situation.

• 50:52Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly.

• 50:53Speaker 03

  You cannot hold the plank that long.

• 50:56Stavros Halkias?

  And that's and I think part of it is like. And usually it's one person likes the other person more.

• 51:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 51:03Stavros Halkias?

  Um, and someone either you're gonna get hurt or they're gonna get hurt in the long run.

• 51:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 51:07Stavros Halkias?

  And very and even in the situation. Yeah, even the situations when it's like. You know, so I've been I've had a friends with benefits situation, whatever, and the person gets a serious partner like. You're a little you're, you know, you're a little bummed. You're like, ah.

• 51:21Speaker 03

  I've been on both sides of it. I've been on I've watched someone get a serious partner and you're like, oh, fuck, all right. And then when you get a serious partner, you go, there really is no like, no, no, this just works. This is just the thing that works for me.

• 51:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 51:31Speaker 03

  I also love that she's being debriefed in a very flattering way where they go, we're letting you go, but.

• 51:38Stavros Halkias?

  Top your.

• 51:38Speaker 03

  Top shelf work.

• 51:39Stavros Halkias?

  The head top, if you catch my drift, was the top.

• 51:42Speaker 03

  You made me bust serious nuts. And to that, I just want to thank you. They give her a handshake and I'll take this water.

• 51:50Stavros Halkias?

  A tote bag with the company logo.

• 51:53Speaker 03

  We got a company logo Stanley for you. And good luck out there, you know? Hope you don't uh, hope you don't get herpes.

• 52:01Stavros Halkias?

  So I guess the thing to think about is yes, these are temporary. These are like little moments in time where in the the best case scenario for this is you run into somebody who wants the exact same thing as you at the exact same time and you both. It fizzles out for both of you.

• 52:17Speaker 03

  When you meet someone serious.

• 52:18Stavros Halkias?

  At the right time, right? Like, but that's really fucking rare.

• 52:23Speaker 03

  That is syncing up, that is.

• 52:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 52:27Speaker 03

  Very difficult and you're gonna go through pain because one of you, no matter who you're doing this situation with, someone's gonna be hurt.

• 52:34Stavros Halkias?

  Well, it sounds like she's pretty set on not, it sounds like the guys will be the ones that are hurt.

• 52:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 52:40Stavros Halkias?

  She's pretty set on just not on wanting a friends with benefits thing, so.

• 52:44Speaker 03

  But I actually disagree because she says, but it never lasts.

• 52:48Stavros Halkias?

  But would she want?

• 52:49Speaker 03

  They tell me I'm super cool that they love to be friends with benefits, but it never lasts.

• 52:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, she, I don't think she wants to date them. She just wants once a week to fuck them or whatever, every 10 days.

• 52:57Speaker 03

  What guys, what single guys turning that down if you're even somewhat attracted to the girl?

• 53:02Stavros Halkias?

  That's, I mean, some that do, that think they want to do it because that's the other thing. We say that guys, every guy wants that. A lot of guys don't want that. A lot of guys are more fragile than they want to let on like.

• 53:15Speaker 03

  It's like, it's like fighting. It's like, I remember the first time I loved action movies growing up. WWE, I loved boxing and then the first time you're around a fight.

• 53:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 53:26Speaker 03

  You're like, huh.

• 53:27Stavros Halkias?

  You're like, oh, that's.

• 53:28Speaker 03

  Oh, why am I, why do I feel this in my body?

• 53:30Stavros Halkias?

  Don't treat him that way.

• 53:31Speaker 03

  Oh, you hear that like.

• 53:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 53:34Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 53:35Stavros Halkias?

  Oh. I do like going to fights, but I know, but a real violent fight.

• 53:39Speaker 03

  First time you heard it.

• 53:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 53:40Speaker 03

  You're like, huh.

• 53:41Stavros Halkias?

  The smack.

• 53:42Speaker 03

  And people are like, yeah, friends with benefits. I guess like a.

• 53:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 53:45Speaker 03

  People, I bet.

• 53:45Stavros Halkias?

  And then she ignores your text twice and you're like, huh?

• 53:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:49Stavros Halkias?

  But I, I just nutted in you.

• 53:50Speaker 03

  I bet people are like that with, I bet that happens a lot with swingers where they're like, you want to swing and then someone bangs their wife. He goes, stop.

• 53:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, definitely, dude.

• 53:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:59Stavros Halkias?

  Definitely like cucks. There's, there's gotta be cucks that just like.

• 54:03Speaker 03

  Hall off and kill a guy.

• 54:04Stavros Halkias?

  Realize, yeah, absolutely. But that cuck chair is probably seeing a lot of the beginnings of a lot of mental breakdowns.

• 54:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's a steam plant, dude. People are getting steamed in that chair. Oh, you fuck.

• 54:16Stavros Halkias?

  So um.

• 54:17Speaker 03

  That absolutely is what it is in every hotel, right?

• 54:20Stavros Halkias?

  Definitely, the cuck chair dude.

• 54:22Speaker 03

  But like, do you think like Hilton is like, it's not, it's for reading.

• 54:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 54:26Speaker 03

  But you sick fucking perverts just look at porn on your phone all the time.

• 54:31Stavros Halkias?

  It's the fucking cuck chair, bro. They have, there's a reason they're everywhere. And so, yeah, all I would say is, this is just what this is. And um, you're just, it is like date, it's, it's still, at the end of the day, finding someone for any relationship, whether that's a long-term, serious one, or finding somebody who you align with is hard, no matter what.

• 54:57Speaker 03

  It's the hardest.

• 54:58Stavros Halkias?

  And it's funny because I think you're right.

• 55:01Stavros Halkias?

  Guys who, like, we're like, well, what guy doesn't want that? What guys actually want to do is mistreat women, like what, what like.

• 55:07Speaker 03

  No, what they want to do is they want to take them for granted.

• 55:10Stavros Halkias?

  They want to take them for granted.

• 55:11Speaker 03

  They want to be like, I got this one in my, this one's never leaving me.

• 55:15Stavros Halkias?

  There are.

• 55:15Speaker 03

  It's doing this, and then also I want to go get new pussy.

• 55:18Stavros Halkias?

  And I bet you if she wasn't so upfront, if these guys just thought she was like a, like a girl that might want to date them, it would last longer than when she was just like, but you, I'm, we're not saying, you know, deceit to get, to get friends with benefits, don't do that. But that's what I do think a lot of guys aren't, aren't built for it. So you just got to keep fucking and sucking until you, you settle into something you like.

• 55:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, do you keep trying out those baseball gloves until you find one that fits your palm, dude? Put some oil on it.

• 55:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I don't know.

• 55:52Speaker 03

  This one's it.

• 55:52Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah.

• 55:54Speaker 03

  This one? It's flapping.

• 55:58Speaker 03

  There you go, oh, that's good.

• 55:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, dude, I remember just being a fucking kid, like, I, I played like rec league soft, not even baseball, softball, and truly the best part was just getting the glove, oiling it up. And I was, I played the game, I was like, sucks.

• 56:14Speaker 03

  I suck at this.

• 56:15Stavros Halkias?

  I suck at this, I can't hit the fucking ball.

• 56:16Speaker 03

  But man, having a good mitt.

• 56:18Stavros Halkias?

  But just being like. Felt awesome. That's the most American I ever felt was like oiling up my glove.

• 56:24Speaker 03

  Oh, and snapping it.

• 56:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Uh, all right, Eld, what else we got?

• 56:30Speaker 04

  Hold on, I can't find a loose kebab on the seamless menu. You want sausage or something?

• 56:35Stavros Halkias?

  What do you mean you can't find a fucking loose kebab?

• 56:38Speaker 03

  This is where I see the money's gone to your head? I go, he fucking, I'm back home, Tony.

• 56:47Stavros Halkias?

  Just look for some kind of extras, whatever. And if you, I swear you can add a kebab or some, or like a lu souvlaki or something like that. And if you can't figure it out, whatever. I have, I have meal prepped chicken and rice over there.

• 57:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, they fucking, um, my doctor had to do readings on my liver.

• 57:05Stavros Halkias?

  How are we looking?

• 57:06Speaker 03

  Uh, I got something going on with it.

• 57:07Stavros Halkias?

  Oh.

• 57:08Speaker 03

  But I had to do blood tests and then he was like on vacation. He's like, oh, your blood test will come through on the email. So you can look at them. See what's going on. I was like, great. And I fucking signed in and they're like, you need to, uh, verify this offline. And you're like, then why the fuck are we doing this?

• 57:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it sucks.

• 57:24Speaker 03

  What the fuck?

• 57:25Stavros Halkias?

  And it also just makes you worry like, um, is it so bad that doctors are gonna say it to me?

• 57:31Speaker 03

  Are you gonna email me?

• 57:34Stavros Halkias?

  The more, the more things you have to, even if it's like a test.

• 57:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 57:37Stavros Halkias?

  Like I just got test, you know, I got, I did the same thing where I did all my tests. And, uh, even if it's just like an STD test, which I was like, positive I was clean. It was like, until you hear them say it, you're like.

• 57:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, cause there could just be a moment where they go, so we did find something.

• 57:51Stavros Halkias?

  Dude, diabetes and like STDs, I would never be surprised if it popped up.

• 57:57Speaker 03

  So funny.

• 57:57Stavros Halkias?

  And I'm lucky it hasn't yet.

• 57:59Speaker 03

  What's funny is at first I was like, he's like, yeah, your liver functions. I'm like, and he goes, do you like a dry January, then come off it? I was like, no, I haven't drank it 12 years.

• 58:09Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, my God.

• 58:10Speaker 03

  And he's like, oh, we gotta look into this.

• 58:11Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, no, dude. He thought you had a fresh drunk's liver? That's not good.

• 58:18Speaker 03

  No, so.

• 58:18Stavros Halkias?

  Damn, those, those fucking.

• 58:20Speaker 03

  I might, I might be back. If he's like, it's terminal, I'll be like, well, then I'm gonna go out. Yeah, I'm just fucking, I'm just foaming out of my mouth.

• 58:31Speaker 03

  What was that, doc?

• 58:33Stavros Halkias?

  God damn, dude. Uh, well, you know, you're gonna, you're plastering with fine collars, man. Don't you worry. If I don't have diabetes, your liver's fine.

• 58:44Speaker 06

  This and esteemed guest, I'mma just cut to the chase. So um, I fell in love with this guy that I jerked off at a Korean spa. So uh, we met at the spa and I jerked him off under the water in the hot tub area.

• 59:01Stavros Halkias?

  That's romantic.

• 59:02Speaker 06

  And after that, we exchanged numbers, uh, we started chatting. Come to find out, uh, we actually have a good connection, you know, uh. Fast forward six months, we've, you know, we've, we've gone on trips together, we've gone camping, we've, we've met each other's parents. And as friends, quote unquote, friends from work, um. And we've been seeing each other almost every weekend, uh, every other weekend, we live. Uh, about an hour and a half, two hours apart, um, but we've been, you know, meeting halfway, we've been making it work.

• 59:36Stavros Halkias?

  Making halfway at the spa?

• 59:37Speaker 06

  And it's, it's been great every time, you know, sp- sp- every time, um, uh, you know, we, we go hiking together, fishing. We've been in new, nudist resorts, um, we've just been living it up, having a blast. Uh, my problem is, he refuses to consider us as dating. Even though we do everything that like a dating couple would do. Um, and he's not out to his family. And he has no intention of, of coming out to his parents and, uh, uh, he's forty five. So I feel like at this point, he's just never gonna come out.

• 1:00:18Speaker 06

  Um, and every time I try to bring it up or every time we talk about it, we just, it gets really emotional, you know, we start crying and shit. Cause we wanna be together, but he doesn't wanna come out to his Mormon parents, um.

• 1:00:31Stavros Halkias?

  Come on.

• 1:00:32Speaker 06

  Uh, and, and also, he's kinda suspicious that I'm just like a hoe. Cause the first time we met, I jerked him off immediately, um, in the, in the hot tub.

• 1:00:46Speaker 06

  And, and wondering if I should hold on and hope that he eventually comes out to his parents and we can. Be together happily, or I should just move on and find something else. But I'd really be sad to let this go. Um, anyway, hopefully y'all can give me another perspective. Thanks.

• 1:01:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's tough. I mean, this is exactly kind of what we were talking about with the last call where it's like, if you just led someone on, you could have a friend, friend with benefits for a year and a half. But if you were straightforward and said you want one, they might be weird about it, but.

• 1:01:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, this guy probably would have dipped way earlier.

• 1:01:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:24Speaker 03

  He's like, let's be friends with benefits.

• 1:01:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, I don't know.

• 1:01:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, because especially, well, especially the guy he's talking to, this forty five year old Mormon. Um, he, he clearly has to like, he can't be upfront about anything. He just kind of has to be slowly coaxed into doing gay shit, although it does sound like he jerked him off pretty fast. But like, even the dating and the other thing, it's like, he's not himself. He's not like being honest with who he is.

• 1:01:50Speaker 03

  It's weird to meet his parents under the guise that you're his friend when you're like going away and that you have this fantastic connection and you're going on these vacations together. You're falling in love, which is something he didn't say, but it's pretty obvious from the voicemail.

• 1:02:04Stavros Halkias?

  For sure.

• 1:02:05Speaker 03

  He's like falling in love with this guy and this guy's going like, yeah, I'm just not gonna shake the boat. I'm not gonna get out of the boat.

• 1:02:11Stavros Halkias?

  That's a great point. He said they met each other's parents, didn't he, Aldous?

• 1:02:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, as friends.

• 1:02:16Stavros Halkias?

  As, as friends. Oh, as friends. Yeah.

• 1:02:19Speaker 03

  So that's weird because it's like, his parents, you hope they know. You hope a parent's intuition is strong enough to think, like the mom goes like, I've always known you were gay.

• 1:02:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:30Speaker 03

  But it's funnier if they don't.

• 1:02:32Stavros Halkias?

  It is funnier if they don't.

• 1:02:34Speaker 03

  Hey, did you notice like a weird electricity between Mike and Corey?

• 1:02:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you know, they're in the finals of their fantasy football.

• 1:02:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:02:42Stavros Halkias?

  They're ri- they're fantasy football rivals, the championships this week.

• 1:02:45Speaker 03

  When I was growing up in Provo, Grabass played a little, made a little something else.

• 1:02:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, that sucks. It sucks because you know the problem is is that they are uh he's Mormon. So they're very Mormon and they can't.

• 1:02:57Stavros Halkias?

  At the same time, and look, whatever, we're we got, we have to, sure, there's pro there's. He I'm not coming out as hard. I'm it's everyone's personal decision, whatever. But at the same time, he can choose to do that, and that sucks. I feel bad for him because he's letting, you know, his parents hang up some beliefs, fuck his his life up. It's his choice if he wants to be that tragic guy that never gets to live his life. But you can't be that guy.

• 1:03:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, don't fall into his trap.

• 1:03:28Stavros Halkias?

  You can't do that. Like, this is like, you you what you have to go back in the closet because your boyfriend doesn't want to piss off his fucking parents? Are they fucking rich or something? Are you gonna inherit like, you know, like, part of the fucking Mormon temple? Like, what are you? What are we talking about? What what is he doing this for?

• 1:03:45Speaker 03

  I think you make the best point, which is what is the end game? What are you gonna? Are you gonna be happy? Does this guy make you happy enough to live in the shadows and and drag this along? Or is a little sadness gonna take you a longer way? Where you break it off with this guy, and then the next guy you jerk off in a hot tub? Might be the one. See if that glass sandal fits. See if that fucking that wet, hot, uh, fucking handjob works.

• 1:04:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, yeah, I think you can't, you can't. A a big theme of our show is like, not allow, don't. If people want to live in, if people want to like, live in their fantasy, that's up to them. If they want to lie to themselves, it's up to them, but don't let people lie to you. And he's sort of forcing you to like, lie about your life because he doesn't want to. And like, is there some, is it just he doesn't want to disappoint his parents? Like, is he doing this for anything? I hate to go back to the the inherit thing, but it's like, if these fucking pa- The only way I would say even maybe think about it is if his parents are old as shit.

• 1:04:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, they're about to die.

• 1:04:55Stavros Halkias?

  If they're old as shit and you're gonna inherit something big, like, is he-

• 1:04:59Speaker 03

  I think if you're just old, then just, you know.

• 1:05:02Stavros Halkias?

  Even then, it's like, dude, what are you doing? You gotta like, and I hate to say this because he would be very sad and you. You shouldn't like, you know, your life isn't to get, teach this guy a lesson. But maybe what fucking spurs this man out of the closet is you being like, I don't want to feel like I'm in the closet. I love you. I want to build a life together. Um, and I don't want to be, this is crazy. I can't lie about who I am. So either you're honest or we have to end this relationship.

• 1:05:32Speaker 03

  I mean, I, I think you're right. You might draw him out if you go like, I can't fucking do this.

• 1:05:37Stavros Halkias?

  But you also can't depend, don't, don't do it as a way of like bluffing.

• 1:05:41Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:05:42Stavros Halkias?

  You have to truly be.

• 1:05:43Speaker 03

  Be ready to move on.

• 1:05:44Stavros Halkias?

  You have to really truly be ready to move on.

• 1:05:46Speaker 03

  Honestly, when you move on like that and you make a giant decision that is gonna hurt and will take some time to get over, usually the universe rewards you.

• 1:05:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:54Speaker 03

  Usually you find someone that is out, that you love, that you can build with. You know what I mean?

• 1:06:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:02Speaker 03

  Instead of this, whatever this is, because this isn't a relationship.

• 1:06:05Stavros Halkias?

  No.

• 1:06:05Speaker 03

  You're in love with him and he's just hiding you.

• 1:06:07Stavros Halkias?

  And that's the thing. It's like, we also don't know. That's the other part thing about this is like, is this guy using this as a shield to prevent further seriousness? Like, he could be.

• 1:06:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:06:20Stavros Halkias?

  I hate to be, I hate to be like suspicious and say that he is stringing you along and he's using this as a, and I'm sure it's not. I mean, I'm sure nobody wants to stay in the fucking closet, but I will say a silver lining of staying in the closet is if you were, if you were serious relationship averse, you could just always be like, hey.

• 1:06:38Speaker 03

  My parents.

• 1:06:39Stavros Halkias?

  I can't do it because of my parents.

• 1:06:40Speaker 03

  Imagine if guys could do that? Where you go, sorry, I can't tell my mom I like pussy.

• 1:06:43Stavros Halkias?

  She wants me to suck. I have to suck.

• 1:06:45Speaker 03

  I have to fake it.

• 1:06:47Stavros Halkias?

  I have a fake boyfriend. I fuck his ass every six months.

• 1:06:50Speaker 03

  Katie.

• 1:06:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:52Speaker 03

  We both love sports.

• 1:06:56Speaker 03

  I go, mom, she's my bride.

• 1:07:00Speaker 03

  I'm straight.

• 1:07:01Stavros Halkias?

  Daniel, no!

• 1:07:02Speaker 03

  I love her tits. I love her ass.

• 1:07:06Stavros Halkias?

  You have disgraced this family.

• 1:07:09Speaker 03

  God, I thought you were a queen. You're a fraud.

• 1:07:14Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, Dan, sashay away.

• 1:07:17Speaker 03

  Alright, I'm gonna stomp away. I'm gonna stomp away and then spit.

• 1:07:25Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, fuck dude, this poor guy.

• 1:07:29Speaker 05

  Hi, Stav, um, so I'll just get right to it. Um, I'm a senior in college currently and I live with four other people. We all rent a house together.

• 1:07:40Stavros Halkias?

  Nice.

• 1:07:41Speaker 05

  Um, and there's this one roommate who, um, she's got a bit of a drinking problem. Um, and it gets to the point a lot where he, uh, pisses himself.

• 1:07:52Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, no.

• 1:07:53Speaker 05

  This is probably, I've lived with these people for two years now, um, and this roommate, I've probably witnessed him piss himself like, I don't know, maybe like eight times.

• 1:08:05Speaker 03

  Oh, wow, that's quarterly.

• 1:08:07Stavros Halkias?

  Eight times in two years is nuts.

• 1:08:10Speaker 03

  He does quarterly pisses.

• 1:08:11Stavros Halkias?

  Eight times in two years is crazy.

• 1:08:14Speaker 03

  That's wild.

• 1:08:16Speaker 05

  Maybe less, but around there and I don't know what to do. The other roommates have tried to talk to him about his drinking issues. Um, we even at one point like decided not to drink with him, but not partake. While he was partaking, that didn't really seem to do anything, so.

• 1:08:35Stavros Halkias?

  Pause this.

• 1:08:36Speaker 05

  The pissing's really annoying.

• 1:08:37Stavros Halkias?

  The guy who pisses himself regularly didn't bend to a little bit of social pressure.

• 1:08:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was this, he went, okay.

• 1:08:47Speaker 03

  We're not drinking with you tonight, he goes, cool, more for me. Well, guess I'm gonna have more piss on my sheets then. Hey, your mouth to my sheets. I'm fucking, I gotta go fuck it, take a leak.

• 1:09:02Stavros Halkias?

  So fucking funny.

• 1:09:03Speaker 05

  So, the pissing's really annoying.

• 1:09:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:07Speaker 05

  It's gotten all over our stuff sometimes.

• 1:09:09Speaker 03

  Oh, what is he, a puppy?

• 1:09:11Speaker 05

  Yeah, so like, I don't know what to do. I don't know how involved I should get. It's obviously a problem, but it's kind of gross, so, yeah, thanks.

• 1:09:22Speaker 03

  As an alcoholic who has been, uh, sober twelve years, but apparently has a dinged up liver, um, this guy a hundred percent has a drinking problem. His body can't control it. He, I, dude, it is, I quit drinking when I was twenty-nine years old, right?

• 1:09:39Speaker 03

  It was pretty obvious I was out of drinking problems since I was like nineteen. When you show signs of a drinking problem at nineteen, you are drinking at a level that other nineteen year olds are going, what the fuck? This is twenty one year old, twenty two year olds going like, dude.

• 1:09:54Stavros Halkias?

  That's the craziest part is that like, you usually get until twenty three, when it becomes obvious you're an alcoholic, you're still at the age where it's cool to be that fucked up.

• 1:10:05Speaker 03

  Oh, he goes so hard, he pisses himself.

• 1:10:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If he only pisses himself like once a year,

• 1:10:10Speaker 03

  It's a great story.

• 1:10:10Stavros Halkias?

  It would be like, he's like, oh yeah, dude, this guy gets so fucked up, he'll piss himself.

• 1:10:15Speaker 03

  Yo, he's like Ponchatani Phil. He pisses himself, six more weeks of winter.

• 1:10:21Stavros Halkias?

  So, yeah, the fact that you've gotten to the point where this is a problem is crazy.

• 1:10:26Speaker 03

  He has a drinking problem. You have to decide right now how close you are with this guy because you,

• 1:10:35Speaker 03

  here's the thing about drinking problems, they're not gonna listen if they don't wanna listen.

• 1:10:38Stavros Halkias?

  Well, that's what I, that's, that's the point is like, look, you're fucking college roommates. And this is another theme that comes up on the show. It's like, there are people, there are different like stations of life. You know what I mean? It's like, you can ride with everybody, like, everyone's on the same train in college. And it's like, yeah, I fucking love, Phil's the fucking man. And then it's like, you know, and then you get to stop, graduation is the stop. And you won't see most of the people, most of the people you went to college with,

• 1:11:07Speaker 03

  And there's people that you,

• 1:11:08Stavros Halkias?

  Get off that train.

• 1:11:08Speaker 03

  There's people that you know and you care about that within seven years you go, I'm fine, never talking to them again.

• 1:11:14Stavros Halkias?

  If they died, if they died in excruciating pain, there are people who are like, maybe my, you know, that you thought were your best friends when you were nineteen, that it's like, if, if they had a horrible death, you'd be like, oh man. You wouldn't like cry. You'd be like, oh, it sucks. Like, oh no.

• 1:11:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, fuck. What do you wanna get for dinner?

• 1:11:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm telling you, if you keep scrolling, Elvis, you'll find it.

• 1:11:38Speaker 03

  You scroll.

• 1:11:40Stavros Halkias?

  Kebabs are down there.

• 1:11:41Speaker 03

  You scroll and you go like. Oh, man. Oh, my friend died.

• 1:11:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:11:48Speaker 03

  Do you want to get Chinese food? Like, it's like that kind of thing.

• 1:11:51Stavros Halkias?

  And so, this is a huge example of like, the guys who party too much, those guys usually get off the life, your train of life, they get off at the stop around twenty-three. You know what I mean, twenty-four.

• 1:12:04Speaker 03

  Because he makes this kind of, this behavior to forty-one, and like, people that he works with that don't know him are calling people.

• 1:12:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, right, right, right, right, right.

• 1:12:13Speaker 03

  They're going like, Jason has a real bad problem.

• 1:12:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:16Speaker 03

  He comes to work, we know it.

• 1:12:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:18Speaker 03

  I work in HR, I've only seen him out having drinks.

• 1:12:20Stavros Halkias?

  Do you know who in his fam- they don't even know?

• 1:12:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:12:23Stavros Halkias?

  They're just.

• 1:12:23Speaker 03

  Are you his wife?

• 1:12:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, like.

• 1:12:25Speaker 03

  They do that call?

• 1:12:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:12:26Speaker 03

  Are you his wife?

• 1:12:27Stavros Halkias?

  Hi, are you his wife? Uh, no, his daughter, it's like, and they have to do the math of like.

• 1:12:31Speaker 03

  I'm sorry to do this.

• 1:12:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:12:32Speaker 03

  I'm sorry to be the one that do- you are his college roommate.

• 1:12:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:36Speaker 03

  All you can do, and this is in, this is in your jurisdiction.

• 1:12:41Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:12:42Speaker 03

  All you can do is go, stop pissing everywhere.

• 1:12:45Stavros Halkias?

  Well, what you can do, yeah, what your jurisdiction is, if it gets on your stuff, he owes you money.

• 1:12:51Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:12:51Stavros Halkias?

  Like, that's it.

• 1:12:53Speaker 03

  And then you, and then what you do is, you won't be able to convince him to quit drinking, but you can shame the fuck out of this guy.

• 1:13:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's true, you can make fun of him for pissing himself.

• 1:13:02Speaker 03

  Hey, look who it is, it's little baby.

• 1:13:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:04Speaker 03

  It's baby boy. Oh, look, it's the little cousin from Home Alone, that's drinking Pepsi's.

• 1:13:11Stavros Halkias?

  Um.

• 1:13:16Speaker 03

  I think he's gonna wet himself.

• 1:13:17Stavros Halkias?

  You give him a bottle filled with like fucking natural natty ice?

• 1:13:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, or just piss in his stuff.

• 1:13:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, piss on his shit, piss, yeah, you could piss on him and he would think it's himself.

• 1:13:27Speaker 04

  That's the other side of the college roommate thing, like, man, I remember we literally pissed on the guys who we hated roommate. Fucking shit in our lawn, it was awesome.

• 1:13:37Speaker 03

  Do you remember?

• 1:13:38Speaker 04

  It felt so much better than getting like any money.

• 1:13:41Stavros Halkias?

  Piece of shit.

• 1:13:41Speaker 04

  Than getting any money we were owed.

• 1:13:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you were like.

• 1:13:44Speaker 04

  Fuck his shit up while he's, while he's not in the house. If he ever wants it or something, let's be like, yeah, it's on the lawn, I don't give a fuck.

• 1:13:54Speaker 03

  These people are in a home with three other adults. This is hostile living.

• 1:14:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:01Speaker 03

  You are in a hostel right now. It's a nice hostel, but hostel rules.

• 1:14:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:05Speaker 03

  You're absolutely right. Fuck their shit up. He pisses on your stuff? Fuck his stuff up.

• 1:14:10Stavros Halkias?

  And she's a senior, right?

• 1:14:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, so you're almost out.

• 1:14:12Stavros Halkias?

  So that's the thing. It's like, if you were a junior, I'd be like, well, first of all, this is your fault for living with him again. Like.

• 1:14:20Speaker 03

  There absolutely had to be a notice. Someone did go like, Sammy's got like a bad drinking problem.

• 1:14:25Stavros Halkias?

  Well, I know, and listen, I know where she's at. Cause like, you think your roommates is, you think your college roommates, it feels sacred.

• 1:14:32Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:14:32Stavros Halkias?

  When you're fucking 20, you're 19, you're like.

• 1:14:35Speaker 03

  That's my roommate.

• 1:14:36Stavros Halkias?

  Dude, we started in the dorms together. Now, now we're, and you go from the dorms to like the nice apartment on campus to like, dude, we're in an off-campus house. Like, this, we can't ruin it now. Like, it feels like a marriage or whatever. And like, you, you got to it, but it's like, it isn't sacred. If there's, if there's a guy that's annoying, your sophomore year, don't move with him off camp. And it's like, look.

• 1:15:00Speaker 03

  And don't live with someone that deals drugs for free drugs. I cannot stress this enough. It will end poorly.

• 1:15:09Stavros Halkias?

  Did you get swatted, man?

• 1:15:10Speaker 03

  I got robbed. I got fucking.

• 1:15:16Speaker 03

  Look up Dan Soder hogtie story on YouTube.

• 1:15:20Speaker 03

  It's all true.

• 1:15:22Stavros Halkias?

  Um, so, yeah, I mean, in terms of like what to tell him about his drinking, he's not, he's a fucking senior in college. He's not going to fucking AA.

• 1:15:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's not gonna be like this. You put it, the way you put it.

• 1:15:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:34Speaker 03

  I think I gotta change my life.

• 1:15:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:37Speaker 03

  She's like this, I wear diapers now.

• 1:15:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's all good. I got the pens, you can't even tell.

• 1:15:43Speaker 03

  I got rubber sheets, dude. I might as well fuck it. He goes, that piss slides right off.

• 1:15:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. No, this is like, this is a guy who just buys sheets in bulk now.

• 1:15:53Speaker 03

  He goes, oh yeah? Well, guess what? The tariffs say hit China yet. I bought six sets of.

• 1:15:59Stavros Halkias?

  No, he takes an extra student alone to buy more sheets. So he doesn't have to do laundry.

• 1:16:04Speaker 03

  Sally Mae for 17,000. Those are all my sheets combined.

• 1:16:08Stavros Halkias?

  So, yeah, I don't know, man. You're just kind of fucked. This is what hap- this, you've made it, you know?

• 1:16:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:16:13Stavros Halkias?

  It's over now.

• 1:16:15Speaker 04

  By the time this episode comes out, you'll pretty much be done.

• 1:16:18Stavros Halkias?

  You'll be graduated.

• 1:16:19Speaker 03

  Bye.

• 1:16:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, but, you know. Good luck and let that be a lesson. I mean, it's funny, this is the kind of guy who like usually starts embarrassing himself and like, like when a friend brings him as a plus one to a wedding and he fucking has diarrhea, like, you know, he's just like shitting in a flower pot.

• 1:16:36Speaker 03

  At first, he's aggressively dancing and someone goes, who brought him?

• 1:16:40Stavros Halkias?

  Well, it starts fun and it's like, oh, that guy's great. And then like an hour and it's like.

• 1:16:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, sweating too much.

• 1:16:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and you get the literal who's man's is this?

• 1:16:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:16:49Stavros Halkias?

  You get that? If you get a who's man is this in a white function?

• 1:16:52Speaker 03

  Yeah. Yo, go get you, come get your guy.

• 1:16:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:55Speaker 04

  He's chugging his cran vodka feverishly while he's waiting in line.

• 1:16:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, he's like, it's open bar?

• 1:17:02Speaker 03

  I went to college with him.

• 1:17:03Stavros Halkias?

  He's like, we don't, wait, we don't have to tip? He's like stoked, it's not cash bar.

• 1:17:09Speaker 03

  That's when you're eating a dessert, talking to your friend and someone comes over, he goes, he's um, he's hitting on Amber.

• 1:17:18Speaker 03

  And he comes over, he's like, what do you want? Buddy, I'd fuck you shit up. I still have fucking balance.

• 1:17:26Stavros Halkias?

  God damn dude. All right. What else we got, LD?

• 1:17:30Speaker 05

  Hey, Stavi, you seem like someone who's pretty emotionally mature, but has had a good amount of sex and I don't have a lot of male figures in my life where I can immediately talk shamelessly about sex, but um, I'm a nineteen year old university student who's a virgin. And this guy I dated when I was seventeen in high school confessed to me again after we hung out again.

• 1:17:50Stavros Halkias?

  He confessed?

• 1:17:51Speaker 05

  And I, and I held his hand and kissed him, very innocent stuff, but he seems way more into me after I reflected a bit.

• 1:18:00Speaker 05

  But I said I'm not ready to date because I'm really not. I just got out of something that was just me being obsessed with this other guy. So romance is kind of out of the picture for me. I probably should have kissed him, but I really wanted to in the moment, so I did it twice.

• 1:18:14Stavros Halkias?

  You feel bad because you kissed a guy who, who confessed his love to you? You, this is adorable.

• 1:18:22Speaker 03

  Sweet, sweet baby angel, listen to me.

• 1:18:23Stavros Halkias?

  This is like.

• 1:18:24Speaker 03

  There is a big bad world out there.

• 1:18:31Speaker 03

  You're gonna pray for these kind of problems when you're thirty-five.

• 1:18:35Stavros Halkias?

  This is literally like a baby being like.

• 1:18:38Speaker 03

  This is when I wish I still.

• 1:18:38Stavros Halkias?

  I have a girlfriend in kindergarten, but I held a different girl, but a different girl gave me a cupcake and I said, "Thank you," and she said, "Now I'm your girlfriend." I said, "Okay," but now my other girlfriend's mad.

• 1:18:49Speaker 03

  But we were supposed to do a science project together, but then she said I could. This is when you want stuff out of cigarette and you go, "Honey."

• 1:18:59Speaker 03

  Loves a motherfucker. I'm gonna tell you right now, that certainly bitch is gonna buck you about forty-eight times.

• 1:19:09Speaker 03

  This is the kind of advice you wish you could just give as Sam Elliott where you go,

• 1:19:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:19:13Speaker 03

  "Well, sometimes, well, love is a mean bitch." "Sometimes, well dude, sometimes you eat the bear." "Well, sometimes the bear eats you." "Just keep your cooter covered."

• 1:19:31Stavros Halkias?

  Make him wear a rubber.

• 1:19:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, just make sure it ain't lambskin either.

• 1:19:36Speaker 03

  "I don't care how good it feels." "You're paying a price if you feel warmth."

• 1:19:45Speaker 03

  "You got a lady opening up her little flesh purse for you. You better bag it up."

• 1:19:52Stavros Halkias?

  Um, okay, so let's fit, let's, that's so funny, but let's hear her whole call out. No, no. I don't like a boy, man.

• 1:19:59Speaker 03

  Well.

• 1:20:04Speaker 05

  Uh, I feel bad because he said, "I'm perfect," in his mind, and we're quote-unquote, "end game." But no one that you think is end game when you're nineteen is going to be end game. That's just not how that works.

• 1:20:15Speaker 03

  She knows that.

• 1:20:16Speaker 05

  I've never heard anybody use that word before, outside of movies. And honestly, I do find him attractive. He's super kind and sweet, but I don't think about him outside of being with him in person. Meanwhile, he said he hasn't been able to stop being about me for like a year now. I had no idea. Anyway, basically, I want to fuck, but I don't know if it's morally correct to fuck him, even though I want to.

• 1:20:37Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, if you want to.

• 1:20:39Speaker 05

  Really just wanna explore myself and. This fuck to be honest.

• 1:20:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, this is the age.

• 1:20:45Speaker 05

  I'm doing absolutely nothing. It feels like a waste.

• 1:20:50Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 1:20:50Speaker 05

  He made a few jokes about wanting to hook up, but mostly like he wants to hold hands and like kick his feet. Which is not a bad thing, but it's like it's a bit crazy. I don't know. It's a bit crazy that he thought about me so much and I this anyways.

• 1:21:04Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:21:05Speaker 05

  I I probably should have thought about it, whatever. I'm nineteen. But sweet. He's he's a kind guy. But I'm also thinking about the guy he's been obsessed with as well. He currently has a girlfriend, so he's out of the picture.

• 1:21:17Stavros Halkias?

  Mm hmm.

• 1:21:18Speaker 05

  I don't know. So what should I do? Is it morally correct to fuck? How does one get dick? I'm bisexual. I don't know how to get pussy either.

• 1:21:29Stavros Halkias?

  You're fine, bro.

• 1:21:30Speaker 05

  Computer science virgin. I get very innocent. Okay, I get innocent romantic confessions from people. But I don't want romance. I want to fuck. I don't want to break hearts. I don't know how this works. Although, everyone I mentioned is Turkish.

• 1:21:47Stavros Halkias?

  Everyone is Turkish. Well, you gotta get out of there.

• 1:21:51Speaker 05

  But.

• 1:21:52Stavros Halkias?

  You absolutely gotta get out of there.

• 1:21:54Speaker 05

  Help me.

• 1:21:55Speaker 04

  But at least he's not twenty seven.

• 1:21:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:21:58Speaker 03

  Oh, baby, you're in danger.

• 1:21:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:22:00Speaker 03

  Girl, you're in danger.

• 1:22:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:22:02Speaker 03

  Um, I'm gonna tell you right now, fuck the sweetheart.

• 1:22:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:07Speaker 03

  Fuck the sweetheart, because what you're gonna do is he's gonna learn how to emotionally connect to his penis.

• 1:22:14Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 1:22:14Speaker 03

  Which is gonna be very valuable ten to fifteen years down the road.

• 1:22:17Stavros Halkias?

  Well, I'll say this, right? I I like that she she's basically her her hang up is she knows she doesn't want to date this guy.

• 1:22:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:22:26Stavros Halkias?

  I look, I was once an overly romantic nineteen year old who was dying for pussy.

• 1:22:33Speaker 03

  I could, I mean, same. I could tell you all the songs I looked out a window.

• 1:22:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, right. And if this and look, maybe you think it's wrong to fuck him without thinking you want to be in a serious relationship. I, if there is one thing I could do with a time machine, that maybe my whole life's different. Maybe I don't have to prove, my whole life has been trying to prove that I can fuck and that I'm cool and like I've been doing things for attention from women my entire life because I didn't get pussy at nineteen.

• 1:23:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:23:03Stavros Halkias?

  If I, if you go back in time and find a fucking nice girl with fat tits to fuck me when I was nineteen, I would do that before I would kill baby Hitler.

• 1:23:11Speaker 03

  I'm gonna tell you right now.

• 1:23:13Stavros Halkias?

  History's gonna create another Hitler.

• 1:23:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:23:15Stavros Halkias?

  That's how these things work. No one's gonna make me not a loser.

• 1:23:19Speaker 03

  What, you want me to get rid of economics?

• 1:23:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:24Speaker 03

  But I'll tell you right now, you're absolutely right. If I would have not farted in front of that girl Sarah at my dorm.

• 1:23:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:29Speaker 03

  And she was grossed out because she had giant fat titties and she was very sweet and nice.

• 1:23:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:23:35Speaker 03

  And we would have had sex where I would have been able to emotionally open up and connect.

• 1:23:38Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:23:39Speaker 03

  My twenties and thirties would have been way better.

• 1:23:41Stavros Halkias?

  Not even open up, just have sex.

• 1:23:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:23:43Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean?

• 1:23:44Speaker 03

  What I mean, that's why, like, I, I never thought I was valuable emotionally.

• 1:23:50Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:23:50Speaker 03

  Until I was older, I was like, I started getting sex because I was drinking and you're out.

• 1:23:53Stavros Halkias?

  Right, yeah.

• 1:23:54Speaker 03

  Slamming into people.

• 1:23:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:23:56Speaker 03

  But then you're like, no, it would have been nice if you, this guy's very sweet.

• 1:23:59Stavros Halkias?

  Some kind of connection. You kissed him, you're in.

• 1:24:01Speaker 03

  And you think he's sweet, you kiss him, you guys hold hands, you guys do that cute funny, let that be his path to sex, not like, why I'm so into the WWE divas.

• 1:24:12Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 1:24:13Speaker 03

  Which they're like, I was broken by a man bigger and meaner than you.

• 1:24:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:24:17Speaker 03

  Well, I have a penis.

• 1:24:17Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right. Yeah, yes, yes. And look, ultimately, that, basically what I'm saying is, if you're worried about hurting this guy, we can tell.

• 1:24:26Speaker 03

  He will, he is resilient.

• 1:24:28Stavros Halkias?

  We can tell you, yes.

• 1:24:29Speaker 03

  You give him a little pussy, he will bounce from that fall.

• 1:24:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, if you want this. And it does sound like this is a pretty nice kind of no sta- low stakes. Um, you know, she's already talking about being obsessed with some guy with a girlfriend. You don't want to start going that way.

• 1:24:44Speaker 03

  That's a bad route.

• 1:24:45Stavros Halkias?

  You know, like, this seems like a nice, easy thing. This, eh, don't punish the guy for being too into you. If you really want to, i- if, if you're into it, which it sounds like, she even said she wanted to fuck him, right?

• 1:24:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, she's like, I just want to fuck.

• 1:24:59Stavros Halkias?

  If you told him like, hey, I'm not looking for anything serious, but I really like spending time with you. I find you attractive. Like, I'd like to hook up, whatever.

• 1:25:08Speaker 03

  Also, you're giving him your virginity, which is like, he will feel special even if you don't date for the rest of his life.

• 1:25:14Stavros Halkias?

  That's frontier, that's frontier logic right there.

• 1:25:16Speaker 03

  I go, when a woman is pure.

• 1:25:20Speaker 03

  When you're ever to deflower a woman.

• 1:25:25Speaker 03

  You take that on it.

• 1:25:27Stavros Halkias?

  That counts for four other bitches. One virgin counts for four sullied whores.

• 1:25:33Speaker 03

  Breaking a hymen does mean that she is your prairie wife.

• 1:25:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. But I'll say, here's what I'll say. Your, your instincts are correct here. This is the age to do, you know, to do, you said you'd be getting a lot of innocent, like, confessions of love. You know, people are, I think, erring on the side of innocent, nice, sort of like, sweet stuff to kind of get your foot in the door. And also realize what you want sexually and also demystify it and like, and this is like, this is nice, because this is almost like the tutorial level of a video game.

• 1:26:08Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:26:08Stavros Halkias?

  You're in no danger whatsoever. You're learning how to play the buttons. Yeah, you're learning what B does.

• 1:26:13Speaker 03

  Hey, show me how you jump.

• 1:26:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:26:18Stavros Halkias?

  Hey, show me how to suck dick.

• 1:26:19Speaker 03

  Oh, that's pretty cool. How would I fuck?

• 1:26:22Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, like this? Nice, nice.

• 1:26:24Speaker 03

  R1 and X. R1 and X for a super pump. Super pump. Watch out, I'm gonna bust.

• 1:26:31Stavros Halkias?

  I'm busting, I'm busting. Tits, ass, belly, mouth. Where would you like me to blow it?

• 1:26:37Speaker 03

  Give this sweet boy, give this sweet boy your, your unblemished.

• 1:26:44Speaker 03

  Give him the purity that's known as untapped bisexual pussy.

• 1:26:49Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, yeah. This is.

• 1:26:52Speaker 03

  You're in Colorado.

• 1:26:53Stavros Halkias?

  And by the way, it's like, I'm trying to be as professional as possible. This is like, this girl like wrote in a porn category. It's like a porn, like, sweet nerd with fat tits who just wants to get fucked. And I'm like, okay, just do what's best for you.

• 1:27:07Speaker 03

  So, I'm at home putting baby oil on my big bouncy boobs. And I wonder why won't nice boys bang me?

• 1:27:15Stavros Halkias?

  Like, um, just, just hang out with a nice guy.

• 1:27:19Speaker 03

  She goes, I'm 19.

• 1:27:20Stavros Halkias?

  Don't come to a show, please.

• 1:27:22Speaker 03

  I'm barely legal and I'm very horny. I'm also a night nurse. What?

• 1:27:30Stavros Halkias?

  So look, this is like, basically, don't, I guess our advice is don't overthink it, take things slow. This is a guy who might be a little too into you, if you really want to be. If you're just up front and you're like, you know, I don't want anything serious, whatever. Then you've done your due diligence, right? But I just say like, in the moment, you wanted to kiss him, now you wanna fuck him. Fuck a little bit, and how do you get it? You'll figure it out.

• 1:27:56Speaker 03

  And P S, he's gonna come so fast.

• 1:27:59Stavros Halkias?

  So quickly.

• 1:28:00Speaker 03

  The second time, he's gonna fuck the shit out of you.

• 1:28:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:28:02Speaker 03

  But the first time, let the boy blow.

• 1:28:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:28:06Speaker 03

  Let him fuck you, and then the parade of apologies.

• 1:28:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:28:11Speaker 03

  And then, get ready for round two, cuz he'll be fucking nineteen, he'll be ready to go, the second the come leaves his dick.

• 1:28:17Stavros Halkias?

  Totally. And by the way, what you're saying is, if you were like, hey, I like you, I like, you know, I, I, I like spending time with you, I think you're attractive, I'm at a point in my life where I just want to explore sexually, like again.

• 1:28:31Speaker 03

  What guy's gonna be like?

• 1:28:32Stavros Halkias?

  If I'm nineteen and a hot girl that I have a crush on, I think I love says that to me, I'm gonna, it's, it's like.

• 1:28:39Speaker 03

  I'm a devout, I'm a devout Christian after that, cuz I believe in God.

• 1:28:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it's like buying a fuck, something you can't afford on a credit card, you're like, I'll figure it out when she fucking breaks up with me. I just have to fuck her five times.

• 1:28:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:28:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:28:50Speaker 03

  Sixty-two inch, four K.

• 1:28:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, oh, you, uh.

• 1:28:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, delivered.

• 1:28:54Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, ninety percent interest rate, great, no problem, no problem, no problem, you know what I mean?

• 1:28:57Speaker 03

  That first sporting event at home, like.

• 1:29:01Speaker 03

  It's like a mayor.

• 1:29:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Um, but, it's, it's good you're thinking about this stuff.

• 1:29:06Speaker 03

  Good person.

• 1:29:07Stavros Halkias?

  You're a good person. And, and start sweet because it sounds like you're, you also sound like the kinda person that like, you know, you might be in, like, you sound like prey, basically, for like, for like, for people that wanna like mistreat sweet, hot, young women.

• 1:29:25Speaker 03

  Should be a lot of you guys saying hi to each other while he's inside of you. She be a lot of like, hi.

• 1:29:31Stavros Halkias?

  And it's interesting because she clearly, if my guess is she wants to break out of that innocence, like maybe this is something that she's been up against her whole life. She wants to go like Christina Aguilera dirty.

• 1:29:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, she's gunpowder. She's a keg of gunpowder.

• 1:29:44Stavros Halkias?

  So, but like, don't rush it. Take your time with it and you'll get, you'll learn all that stuff. You'll figure out what you like and you know, enjoy the tutorial level for a little bit. If it's not this guy, guys like this, whatever.

• 1:29:57Speaker 03

  And if the guy you're gonna fuck is watching this, fucking, you just struck gold, my friend.

• 1:30:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 1:30:03Speaker 03

  You just hit a vein of gold.

• 1:30:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, but you know, you're worried about like, how do I get dick? How do I get pussy? It's like, you're already saying like multiple people confess their love to you. You have big ass tits and you're a fucking computer science major. Like everyone you're in a class with wants to fuck you probably.

• 1:30:20Speaker 03

  The professor wants to fuck you.

• 1:30:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, him most of all.

• 1:30:24Speaker 03

  He's like, yeah, you're, uh, Jesus Christ. It's triple D's?

• 1:30:30Speaker 03

  Fucking, hey, I lost my wife two years ago.

• 1:30:35Speaker 03

  Fucking go through it.

• 1:30:38Speaker 03

  She's like, this sucks because I can't find anybody to pound my pussy. And he goes, oh, fuck.

• 1:30:46Stavros Halkias?

  He's like, uh, just one more year and then I get tenure.

• 1:30:49Speaker 03

  Tenure.

• 1:30:50Stavros Halkias?

  Don't do anything crazy until you get tenure.

• 1:30:53Speaker 03

  You're gonna move to Switzerland. You're gonna move to Switzerland.

• 1:30:57Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, man. Good luck. You'll be fine.

• 1:31:00Speaker 03

  Jaba'la, Sinsala.

• 1:31:03Stavros Halkias?

  Ooh, ooh, baby. What else we got, little eldest?

• 1:31:06Speaker 05

  So sorry, last time I'll leave this voicemail. I feel like I messed up the other two. So the call dropped on the last one.

• 1:31:12Stavros Halkias?

  It's okay.

• 1:31:12Speaker 05

  Um, I'm getting married this November 2025. My fiance and I have been together four years. He's great. Um, we just got engaged. Love him. Great relationship. Uh, about a year and a half ago, his mom dropped a bomb on me. Um, kind of like jokingly, very lightheartedly told me that she took my dad's virginity when he was 18.

• 1:31:39Stavros Halkias?

  What?

• 1:31:40Speaker 05

  Um, when they worked at the same bank together for like less than a year. Uh, my fiance's parents are in their late 60s. My parents are in their late 40s. His parents are together. My parents are divorced. Um, so she jokingly tells me that when my dad was 18 and they worked together, so she would have been in her 30s. She took his progenies.

• 1:32:00Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, pause this.

• 1:32:02Speaker 03

  Sick.

• 1:32:02Stavros Halkias?

  That's awesome.

• 1:32:03Speaker 03

  Sick.

• 1:32:04Stavros Halkias?

  Basically, the last caller's like, "That's what I want."

• 1:32:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:32:07Stavros Halkias?

  She was, "Give me."

• 1:32:12Speaker 03

  Dude, 18-year-old guy fucking a 30-year-old woman rules.

• 1:32:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:32:17Speaker 03

  As a guy that only got pussy from women over 30 when he was 20.

• 1:32:24Speaker 03

  Shout out. Only, dude.

• 1:32:26Stavros Halkias?

  Respect.

• 1:32:27Speaker 03

  Only, that makes so much sense. College girls didn't wanna fuck me at all.

• 1:32:33Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 1:32:33Speaker 03

  But I worked at that radio station, and I'll tell you what, if a woman was into hubestank,

• 1:32:41Speaker 03

  then your boy was getting that hubestank.

• 1:32:46Speaker 03

  Ah, dude, all those ladies listening to 40 Minutes Non-Stop New Rock, getting fucking blitzed by the kid. I'm coming off the edge.

• 1:32:55Stavros Halkias?

  You're at a fucking local Bennigan's doing a fucking, doing a fucking...

• 1:32:59Speaker 03

  Dude, I was doing the Desert Diamond Casino, just bombing for 20 minutes. Then having a lady tell me your kid got taken by Pima County Child Services.

• 1:33:09Stavros Halkias?

  Like, that's sad.

• 1:33:10Speaker 03

  That sucks. You wanna go do a shot at the Golden Nugget?

• 1:33:14Speaker 03

  I'm 19, but I'm an old soul.

• 1:33:18Stavros Halkias?

  This is fucking wild. Let's keep going, Aldous.

• 1:33:20Speaker 03

  Shout out real quick, though. Shout out to older women that fuck younger men, because the thing that they do that younger women don't know is they tell you to slow down. It's just jackhammer city until you're fucking older lady, and then they go, "Baby, baby, baby, relax."

• 1:33:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 1:33:37Speaker 03

  That was the most sexual liberating part of my life, is when an older woman went, "Slow down."

• 1:33:44Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 1:33:45Speaker 03

  You're like, "Uh." Like a dog humping air. She's like, "You wanna blast my cum all over your fat old tits?"

• 1:33:54Speaker 03

  All right. I'm trying to come, I know how to come. These young girls are just fucking.

• 1:34:00Stavros Halkias?

  It's true. There, I fucked an older, not that much older, maybe like when I moved here, she was 10 years old to me. She wasn't super old, whatever. Uh, but there was some, that was, there was, there is like a before and after moment to that. Like, making a girl who knows how to bust, bust in a specific way.

• 1:34:19Speaker 03

  It is the moment in Wayne's World 2 where Garth has got the smoking jacket after he fucks Kim Basinger.

• 1:34:26Speaker 03

  Yes, my darling.

• 1:34:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 1:34:29Speaker 03

  That sometimes my darling loves them.

• 1:34:32Stavros Halkias?

  There is something to that, everybody should fuck some, oh, oh, BZ Girls, dude, this might be our last call, folks. Uh, there is, everybody should have a little dalliance with an age gap.

• 1:34:45Speaker 03

  Dog, having an older lover.

• 1:34:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it's nice.

• 1:34:48Speaker 03

  It is incredible.

• 1:34:49Stavros Halkias?

  It'll, it'll teach you a little something, it'll, you know, it's.

• 1:34:52Speaker 03

  It's like, it's time travel fuck.

• 1:34:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:34:54Speaker 03

  You know what I mean? I'm here from the future. Fuck slow.

• 1:35:01Speaker 03

  I don't have much time. You're gonna come very fast.

• 1:35:04Stavros Halkias?

  You're gonna come too fast.

• 1:35:05Speaker 03

  But, titty fucking is okay if you ask.

• 1:35:12Speaker 03

  But don't spit on the tits. Let her spit on her own tits.

• 1:35:17Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, fuck. Uh, play us the rest of this call, Aldous.

• 1:35:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, this, this fucking penthouse pet.

• 1:35:27Speaker 05

  I'm not gonna get into exactly how she told me, but she was pretty flippant about it.

• 1:35:31Stavros Halkias?

  Wild move on her part, by the way.

• 1:35:33Speaker 03

  Honestly, pause it real quick, makes me think this, uh, her future mother-in-law has a little bit of a drinking problem.

• 1:35:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, this.

• 1:35:40Speaker 03

  If you're just throwing out info like that, you better be three sheets to the wind.

• 1:35:46Stavros Halkias?

  This is insanity, and also like, imagine her dad at the first joint family Thanksgiving being like.

• 1:35:55Speaker 03

  He does, he does the fuck.

• 1:35:59Speaker 03

  Bernice, good to see you again. Do I, do we have a, a moment in a vault?

• 1:36:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, that's cra- like, this is the dad's ni- this is dad's nightmare, dude, the fun.

• 1:36:12Speaker 03

  Of course, of course she comes back.

• 1:36:14Stavros Halkias?

  I can never have anything good. The one cool piece of fucking old pussy I get.

• 1:36:19Speaker 03

  Beat off you for thirty years. And now I gotta play at a fucking wedding with this bitch.

• 1:36:25Stavros Halkias?

  Have to see this bitch at Easter.

• 1:36:28Stavros Halkias?

  This is ins- also an insane move on the mother in law's part to just bring, you take this to the grave.

• 1:36:33Speaker 03

  You guys, you give, you give fucking like, that kinda thing at Easter.

• 1:36:39Stavros Halkias?

  For sure. And so, this should have been a ve- an old school, the way everyone died with their secrets. This should have been like, you know, you're raising another man's child in the, again, in the frontier. How shit like that would happen all the time. Understood secrets.

• 1:36:54Speaker 03

  When did you marry Ma? Uncle, then you go, well, your dad, he died of tuberculosis.

• 1:37:01Speaker 03

  Well, your mom was sucking me off by the feed wagon. We were out back in the prairie and your mom was getting boofed by me.

• 1:37:09Stavros Halkias?

  She would have done just about anything for shelter. She had a mouth to feed and no skills.

• 1:37:15Speaker 03

  Your mother liked it when the natives watched.

• 1:37:21Stavros Halkias?

  Alright, let's finish this up.

• 1:37:23Speaker 05

  Uh, kinda like laughed when she told me. I was obviously super uncomfortable.

• 1:37:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:37:28Speaker 05

  Um, anyways, the wedding is coming up, um, in like nine months, uh, ten months. And she is just very loud, very outgoing.

• 1:37:40Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 1:37:41Speaker 05

  Very flirtatious.

• 1:37:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, we know exactly who this woman is. She's the woman who fucked an eighteen year old. Yeah, like, she's awesome, by the way. She rules.

• 1:37:50Speaker 03

  Maybe not in this capacity.

• 1:37:51Stavros Halkias?

  But this is crazy to tell her.

• 1:37:53Speaker 03

  Driving a fucking, you know, you drive a fast car in New York City, you're not really getting the most out of it. Take that thing to the country, let it stretch its legs. This lady is an old, flirty, fun.

• 1:38:04Stavros Halkias?

  You see this lady where you're, this is the types of ladies you wanted to bump into when you were twenty-four.

• 1:38:09Speaker 03

  Hundred percent.

• 1:38:09Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, so, you know, bitch named Barb that just buys you a whole margarita fucking tower.

• 1:38:14Speaker 03

  Plays with her necklace while you tell her what classes you're taking.

• 1:38:18Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, finish this up here, Eld.

• 1:38:20Speaker 05

  Uh, and my dad is. Not. He is pretty reserved.

• 1:38:24Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah. Crack that nut.

• 1:38:28Speaker 03

  She sucked this nerd off.

• 1:38:29Speaker 05

  Talking about that kind of a thing, uh, you know, like sexual windows and stuff. I mean, he's just very, very like quiet and conservative. Um, has a really good sense of humor, but that's not part of his sense of humor.

• 1:38:43Speaker 03

  Shit.

• 1:38:44Speaker 05

  Dry humor. Anyway, uh, so pretty nervous that she's going to make a joke or a comment and he's gonna like die of embarrassment at my wedding. So I wanna avoid that. She makes comments and and jokes even to me like in front of my fiance's family because no one else knows. Uh, my fiance knows. Um, but yeah, I mean, she'll say stuff in front of uh, my fiance's dad who doesn't know.

• 1:39:14Speaker 03

  Oh, my god.

• 1:39:15Speaker 05

  Anyways, okay, thanks for.

• 1:39:17Speaker 03

  Oh, my god. She's a villain.

• 1:39:20Stavros Halkias?

  She's an insane wa- I mean, this is a wild card. This lady who used to, you know, the the outgoing flirtatious woman. Now she's in her late sixties. She, you know, the power is gone, the power zapped.

• 1:39:33Speaker 03

  Her fastball.

• 1:39:34Stavros Halkias?

  Dark magic now. Yeah. Yeah, her fastball's gone. These are, she's gotta fucking do an effus pitch now to stay relevant.

• 1:39:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, she's doing underhand.

• 1:39:41Stavros Halkias?

  It up, dude. Um. Yeah, this is fucking wild. I mean.

• 1:39:46Speaker 03

  You have to. I hate to give you this solution, but in my mind, it's the only thing that makes sense right now. You have to go have a one on one with her and go like.

• 1:39:55Stavros Halkias?

  Does she or does her fucking husband, though?

• 1:39:58Speaker 03

  Her husband doesn't know, dude.

• 1:39:59Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, no. Her fiance knows. I'm sorry, her fiance.

• 1:40:02Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, you do it together.

• 1:40:04Stavros Halkias?

  It's the, it's, it's his mom.

• 1:40:06Speaker 03

  I'll tell you right now.

• 1:40:07Stavros Halkias?

  He has to do it.

• 1:40:08Speaker 03

  If Katie had a problem with Trish, I would mediate it.

• 1:40:12Stavros Halkias?

  You would mediate, sure.

• 1:40:13Speaker 03

  You'd immediately mediate.

• 1:40:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:40:15Speaker 03

  You go like, hey, there's a problem. Bring her in. We gotta talk about this. It's the only way to settle it, dude.

• 1:40:20Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, with your mom, yes.

• 1:40:21Speaker 03

  My mom. Well, I'm saying your, the husband needs to mediate her expressing her feelings that she does not wanna be comfortable at her own wedding.

• 1:40:29Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:40:29Speaker 03

  She's uncomfortable with the jokes that she fucked her mom. Honestly, maybe even crack a joke like, well, clearly the sexual chemistry between the families are good.

• 1:40:39Speaker 03

  Cause I'm gonna be fucking your boy the rest of my life. Maybe even get his baby juice in me.

• 1:40:45Stavros Halkias?

  Well, yeah, I would say, yeah, he has to mediate or this kind of falls on him. My thing is like, does she even need to be there?

• 1:40:52Speaker 03

  No, you gotta take care of this. It's your mom. You gotta take care. Moms are the one like you're the, if you're the son, you gotta go take care of it.

• 1:41:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:41:01Speaker 03

  But I would say to make things cool, I would do it together and make it as like a little.

• 1:41:06Stavros Halkias?

  Sure. That way it doesn't feel, cause the other thing is you don't want to like, you wanna address it, but diffuse if you can.

• 1:41:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:41:14Stavros Halkias?

  You don't wanna make it, but at the same time you're like, hey, not a huge, you kind of the vibe has to be like, look, it's not a big deal. It's just my dad's a pretty reserved guy. I just wanna make sure we're not, I don't wanna embarrass him. It prob, you know.

• 1:41:26Speaker 03

  Cause her, she's very sweet. She says like, the whole problem is she doesn't want her dad to feel embarrassed.

• 1:41:31Stavros Halkias?

  And, and I think if you say that, it's like, she has to understand. And then at the end of the day, if she doesn't accept that you're like, well, then we have to throw our nuts on the table and say, it's our fucking wedding.

• 1:41:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:41:42Stavros Halkias?

  And so we are asking this of you and you have to do it.

• 1:41:46Speaker 03

  Parents don't understand.

• 1:41:47Stavros Halkias?

  Doesn't have to get to that.

• 1:41:48Speaker 03

  A lot of times parents, and I'm sure this is just like a generational thing and it happens to you when you get older, you still think you're the main character and you're not the main character. You guys, this is your fucking wedding.

• 1:41:56Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:41:57Speaker 03

  You gotta make sure you're, you have a great time at this wedding.

• 1:42:00Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, this is not a nuts situation.

• 1:42:02Speaker 03

  I mean, to find that out, I, please call back with the full story of how you found out.

• 1:42:08Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, we wanna know how she's like.

• 1:42:10Speaker 03

  I'll come back on, we'll get more BZ grill if we got it.

• 1:42:14Speaker 04

  Come do a live show. We'll get her on the horn.

• 1:42:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, do a live show. People call in and we talk to them directly.

• 1:42:20Speaker 03

  I wanna know how your mother-in-law told you she fucked your dad.

• 1:42:24Stavros Halkias?

  Probably in a fucked up, those like drunk old bitch ways where it's like, oh.

• 1:42:28Speaker 03

  I had your father.

• 1:42:31Speaker 03

  I had him.

• 1:42:32Speaker 04

  I'm just imagining like Lucille Bluth.

• 1:42:36Speaker 03

  Father was a generous lover.

• 1:42:40Speaker 03

  I said it. His cunnilingus was remarkable. Oh, Jesus Christ. That's where your husband used to live.

• 1:42:50Stavros Halkias?

  Now, pardon me, his house, your dad and husband both enjoyed my womb.

• 1:42:57Speaker 03

  My pussy.

• 1:43:03Stavros Halkias?

  Um, part of me is a little ner- like, part of me wants to say like, this is like, you know, you don't even wanna tut, it's like, diffusing a bomb.

• 1:43:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:43:13Stavros Halkias?

  You're better off just not even doing it, but I think-

• 1:43:16Speaker 03

  This woman's wild card.

• 1:43:17Stavros Halkias?

  I think she's enough of a wild card where it's like, it's not a let sleeping dogs lie, cuz this dog's been stirring in its sleep, you know what I mean?

• 1:43:25Speaker 03

  Starts to go, "Oh, oh, oh, oh."

• 1:43:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:43:27Speaker 03

  He's like, "Dude, don't bark."

• 1:43:29Stavros Halkias?

  If it was totally sleeping, I'd be dead. If she said that one comment and never brought it up again, but if she's constantly making little jabs-

• 1:43:36Speaker 03

  Zings in front of the family and the fucking dad doesn't know, his dad doesn't know?

• 1:43:41Stavros Halkias?

  Kinda cuckling her own husband.

• 1:43:43Speaker 03

  She's like, "Yeah, that's right, I'd be crazy like, fuck your dad." He's like, "Why do you keep saying that?"

• 1:43:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:43:50Stavros Halkias?

  "Hey, hey, stop being so rude to Mark."

• 1:43:52Speaker 03

  "Why the fuck are you keep saying you wanna fuck her?" "I know we're divorced now, so I can bring this out in the open." "The fuck is wrong with you?" "Janet, you crazy slut." "The fuck is wrong with you?"

• 1:44:05Stavros Halkias?

  But yeah, I think you have to go in, you have to, you have to tag team it with your hu- with your fiance. He, he should take the lead. You're there more to just kinda not make it feel like, cuz the other thing is, you don't wanna sit this woman down and kinda make her feel like she's having an ultimatum, because she's gonna act out like the dumb bitch she is.

• 1:44:22Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:44:23Stavros Halkias?

  Like, "Oh, you don't want me to do it? Well, watch this."

• 1:44:25Speaker 03

  Well, then I'm gonna set your house on fire.

• 1:44:27Stavros Halkias?

  And that's when you crack her in the fucking face.

• 1:44:29Speaker 03

  And then you look at your son and you go, "Clean up your mom."

• 1:44:34Speaker 03

  "I'm gonna go make dinner."

• 1:44:36Stavros Halkias?

  Looks like somebody just checked into the Alzheimer's facility.

• 1:44:41Speaker 03

  "Sorry, mommy." "Mother, can I help you off the ground?" "You hit me."

• 1:44:47Stavros Halkias?

  There'll be a lot more of that, yeah. "So did my dad, you fucking slut."

• 1:44:52Speaker 03

  Or we don't know-

• 1:44:52Stavros Halkias?

  "Sucking dick in the fucking vault."

• 1:44:54Speaker 03

  We don't know the dad is actually the villain, Caesar goes- He goes, "Hey, you wanna know me, uh, you wanna hear an impression of your mother-in-law?"

• 1:45:06Speaker 03

  Can you give me the deposit?

• 1:45:09Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, oh boy, did I make deposits in that bank?

• 1:45:13Speaker 03

  He goes, my God, I guess she kept it in savings. Never cash that check, you know what I mean? Anyways, do you want, do you want that cake or do you want that cake? I'm paying for it.

• 1:45:25Stavros Halkias?

  Funfetti or what do you do, a mix?

• 1:45:28Speaker 03

  I think we should do a strawberry.

• 1:45:32Stavros Halkias?

  Um, so yeah, there you go. Good luck. This lady's insane.

• 1:45:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:45:37Stavros Halkias?

  You're, this is one of those calls that if it were done poorly, would be clearly fake. But you hear it in her voice that this is fucking real. And, and, uh, anyway, good luck.

• 1:45:48Speaker 03

  Call back on the live show.

• 1:45:49Stavros Halkias?

  Let us know how the wedding went. Truly, please let it, leave us a fucking message.

• 1:45:53Speaker 03

  And have a beautiful day.

• 1:45:54Stavros Halkias?

  Have a beautiful day. Everybody out there.

• 1:45:56Speaker 03

  Enjoy it.

• 1:45:56Stavros Halkias?

  Have a wonderful day. Um, thanks for calling in. Oh, yeah.

• 1:46:01Speaker 03

  But everybody else too.

• 1:46:02Stavros Halkias?

  Everybody too. The wedding should be beautiful.

• 1:46:03Speaker 03

  The penthouse pet.

• 1:46:05Stavros Halkias?

  You go fuck that lies little guy, uh, the girl whose roommate keeps pissing. Hose him down the next time he pisses on your shit.

• 1:46:12Speaker 03

  Piss factory.

• 1:46:13Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, I forget who else. We have Beezy Grill waiting. The fact that we've even done 10 extra minutes is kinda crazy. So thanks, guys. Dan, thank you. Anything you want, we should have plugged it earlier.

• 1:46:22Speaker 03

  Uh, Soder, my podcast, um, dan soder.com. I am on the road. Doing a big tour at the end of the year.

• 1:46:31Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, nice.

• 1:46:32Speaker 03

  Probably by the time this comes out, I have a name for it. But, uh, first big theater tour.

• 1:46:36Stavros Halkias?

  All right. Well, we'll put you later in this batch. It's closer to when it comes out.

• 1:46:40Speaker 03

  Dan Soder.com.

• 1:46:41Stavros Halkias?

  Do this, be like, yeah, go see the Soder on the.

• 1:46:44Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:46:45Stavros Halkias?

  Tour.

• 1:46:45Speaker 03

  Go see me on my tour. Dan Soder.com. Go buy tickets and I'll see you in the fall.

• 1:46:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Literally tell us when you, when you put the tickets out, if you have a date, we'll put it that week.

• 1:46:57Speaker 03

  That's so perfect.

• 1:46:58Stavros Halkias?

  It's cause we're, we're going through May.

• 1:46:59Speaker 03

  I love it. Oh, yeah. Absolutely.

• 1:47:01Stavros Halkias?

  Um, thanks, guys. We love you and we will talk to you soon. Bye bye.

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• 1:47:47Stavros Halkias?

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• 1:48:29Stavros Halkias?

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