#161 - Kumail Nanjiani

Kumail Nanjiani joins the pod to discuss his new special NIGHT THOUGHTS (out now on Hulu), returning to standup for the first time in ten years, being a jacked guy but not having the vibe of a jacked guy, how he feels being the only star who did just one Marvel movie, and much more. Kumail and Stav help callers including a guy who’s been iced out of his high school friend group for years after sleeping with his best friend’s sister, and a guy who is feeling a little smothered by his overbearing Mexican father-in-law. Watch Kumail Nanjiani’s new special NIGHT THOUGHTS on Hulu: https://www.hulu.com/movie/kumail-nanjiani-night-thoughts Follow Kumail Nanjiani: https://www.instagram.com/kumailn https://x.com/kumailn https://www.tiktok.com/@kumailn Thank you to our sponsors! Twisted Tea - https://www.twistedtea.com/locations ☎️ Want to be a part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice! 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

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• 1:31Stavros Halkias?

  Papa! Welcome, everybody, to Stav's World. 904-800-Stav. Call in, we'll solve all your problems. We got on the couch Kumail Nanjiani. We're pumped to have you here, dude. Thanks for coming. Night thoughts? On Hulu, you like the professional intro?

• 1:50Speaker 04

  That was a really... Until you said that, I was so impressed. I was like, honestly, first thought was, he knows the phone number by heart.

• 1:58Stavros Halkias?

  It took a while. We've been doing the show two and a half years.

• 2:01Speaker 04

  This guy's going places.

• 2:02Stavros Halkias?

  And by the way, the last four digits are Stav.

• 2:04Speaker 04

  I know, I know. Hey, that's professional, too. That's not a coincidence.

• 2:10Stavros Halkias?

  That's why people are like, oh, are you from Jacksonville? It's like, no, we put in stop on Google Voice and whatever number came back, we took.

• 2:17Speaker 04

  Oh, wow.

• 2:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:19Speaker 04

  That's great. Love it, though.

• 2:20Stavros Halkias?

  But yeah, uh, got the new special out. Nice to have you here, dude. We're big fans. I mean, I, when we met at, uh, we like saw Naked Gun.

• 2:31Speaker 04

  Naked Gun.

• 2:31Stavros Halkias?

  Which was awesome.

• 2:32Speaker 04

  It's just so funny.

• 2:33Stavros Halkias?

  Really good.

• 2:33Speaker 04

  So good.

• 2:34Stavros Halkias?

  Really good. Uh, I told you, like, I, I weirdly was keyed in on, cause I was really into stand-up when you were like kinda taking off, before the acting stuff at all.

• 2:45Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:45Stavros Halkias?

  We're talking just, you were like, I was like a really investigating, hey, what alt-comics are on the rise?

• 2:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:52Stavros Halkias?

  And like, I have these very vivid memories of being, I worked at the grad school at U, University of Maryland, Baltimore County. I, I was my jobs my senior year.

• 3:03Speaker 04

  How's that school?

• 3:04Stavros Halkias?

  It's, uh, it's actually pretty good.

• 3:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:07Stavros Halkias?

  It's not a bad school, not a fun school. It's one of those like, you know, you'll get an education, but you know.

• 3:16Stavros Halkias?

  But it kinda sucks, dick. Like, the parties were all like, I remember being like, keyed up, I'm so pumped. I'm like, I'm in college, baby.

• 3:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:23Stavros Halkias?

  Going to my first college party, in a dorm, fully nineteen men.

• 3:28Speaker 04

  Nineteen men.

• 3:29Stavros Halkias?

  Two girls.

• 3:30Speaker 04

  Yeah, bad ratio.

• 3:31Stavros Halkias?

  Uncomfortable. The girls were like, we gotta get out of here. And it's just, there's just enough room for, someone brought in a folding table in a little dorm. And it's just literally a, a beer pong and just like people circling around like it's the Colosseum.

• 3:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:47Stavros Halkias?

  There's no way to talk. Everyone's trying to shuffle to get close to the girls. And you know, obviously, no, none of us, uh, got to fuck them. They all, they were long gone.

• 3:56Speaker 04

  Somebody, somebody got to fuck them.

• 3:58Stavros Halkias?

  You're right, somebody did. You know what? One of my roommates did at a certain point end up fucking them. So I did spend, I did, I got to know her through, as like a girl getting fucked while I'm pretending to sleep.

• 4:09Speaker 04

  That was always the worst. I've been there. When, when it was like sex was like a distant, like, there's no way this will ever happen for me.

• 4:18Stavros Halkias?

  I didn't lose my.

• 4:19Speaker 04

  Hundred percent. I was like fairly like into my college career before I lost my virginity.

• 4:24Stavros Halkias?

  Me too, me too.

• 4:25Speaker 04

  You were?

• 4:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. Oh, we, we were not pussy getters in high school, me and this guy. We grew up together. And we really, really pathetically tried to have sex our whole adolescence. And it did not work out for us.

• 4:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, I mean, I remember at certain, you know, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, being like, I will just never have sex.

• 4:43Stavros Halkias?

  Oh.

• 4:44Speaker 04

  It's just not gonna happen for me.

• 4:45Stavros Halkias?

  That was exactly right.

• 4:46Speaker 04

  Because I don't deserve it.

• 4:50Stavros Halkias?

  My dick's too small. I have a pathetic little dick. I'm ugly.

• 4:54Speaker 04

  I got a terrible personality. I feel like people with terrible dicks are fucking, but I'm like, I got nothing to offer a woman. Why would she? I don't deserve it. They're right.

• 5:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's interesting, because I think I had a, some kind of sexual, like, I thought I was inadequate, because I couldn't. Because I did, I could get girls to like me, because I was always had like the, I was always like fun.

• 5:15Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 5:16Stavros Halkias?

  The moment someone showed that it was possible, I clammed up. I was a coward.

• 5:21Speaker 04

  You choked.

• 5:22Stavros Halkias?

  Dude, I blew so many opportunities.

• 5:24Speaker 04

  You missed a free throw.

• 5:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I'm at the line, it's shaking.

• 5:28Speaker 04

  You already know.

• 5:29Stavros Halkias?

  The crowd noise.

• 5:30Speaker 04

  Right, right, yeah. Like Chris Webber, yeah.

• 5:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, so I'm calling a timeout that doesn't exist. Absolutely. I had so many opportunities, like, starting young, like, the first time I, like, saw, I touched titties. I was like fifteen, fourteen.

• 5:45Speaker 04

  Oh, my god. Did she, did she know?

• 5:48Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, yeah, yeah, she was, she was unconscious. I was volunteering at an old folks home. I was getting, I was getting my, I was trying to pump up my college resume.

• 6:01Speaker 04

  Still counts.

• 6:05Stavros Halkias?

  I would dress, what I would do is I would dress up in a World War II outfit. I would say, Dolly, I'm home. We got those krauts.

• 6:14Speaker 04

  You've been waiting for this day for forty years.

• 6:17Stavros Halkias?

  And you know, people say I didn't get consent. I made those old ladies day.

• 6:23Stavros Halkias?

  For I come back with flowers.

• 6:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's the best day she's had in decades. Since she got the letter, this is the best day she's had.

• 6:35Stavros Halkias?

  It was, it was, yeah, it was like the Greek festival at my church. That was the one night a year you would get drunk as a child at our church.

• 6:44Speaker 04

  That's a thing? Is a Greek church like a drinky place?

• 6:48Stavros Halkias?

  Well, we would have the big money maker for every Greek church you go to. Like, if you've ever been to any bumfuck town, they're having a Greek festival. It's because the Orthodox church in that town.

• 6:58Speaker 04

  That's interesting, because where Emily's from in North Carolina, there's a Greek festival that she talks about.

• 7:03Stavros Halkias?

  And that, and it's like the money maker, that makes the churches money for the year. Because everybody comes.

• 7:08Speaker 04

  That's what it is.

• 7:09Stavros Halkias?

  That's really all it is, is like the biggest fundraiser.

• 7:11Speaker 04

  Why do they have a Greek festival?

• 7:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and so, exactly, and they loved getting, and Greeks, you know, they'll fucking, they'll let children drink, whatever. And it was like, New Year's and the Greek festival was like June and, you know, December. It was like, your two nights to get fucked up as a child.

• 7:28Speaker 04

  Right.

• 7:28Stavros Halkias?

  And just like try and, you know, make out. And literally, the first time I touched titties was at my church, drunk as hell off of like, and like, my brother's god sister was like working the bar, and so she's like, here's all the beers you want, little buddy. Like, I'm just getting served as a child at the bar. I felt like the man.

• 7:45Speaker 04

  So then, talk me through this moment.

• 7:48Stavros Halkias?

  You know, it was just a girl who, let's just say, great gal, fun gal, right?

• 7:57Stavros Halkias?

  She came with someone else, and I just kind of waited for him to blow it. I just kind of was on the periphery.

• 8:05Stavros Halkias?

  And it was one of those like.

• 8:06Speaker 04

  Just like slowly circling closer.

• 8:08Stavros Halkias?

  And we, I knew her, I kind of knew her. She was like from my school.

• 8:14Stavros Halkias?

  And she, this was her like exotic, come to, come to East Baltimore.

• 8:19Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 8:20Stavros Halkias?

  And check out what the Greeks are up to. Like a white trash girl who was on. Like a, uh, just a ethnographic.

• 8:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, she's surveying the natives.

• 8:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, exactly. And I just think whoever brought her kind of blew it was like, there was one, at this Greek festival, there was one more timid pussy than me. And I just had to outdo him.

• 8:43Speaker 04

  It's like what they say about running away from a bear. You don't gotta be fast, you're just gonna be better than the worst guy.

• 8:49Stavros Halkias?

  I slashed his hamstrings. So the no pussy getting bear catches him instead of me. And yeah, you know, it was great. One of the, one of the highlights of my life.

• 9:00Speaker 04

  Did you see her again?

• 9:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it was one of those classic, she, she was like such a seasoned pro at like getting drunk.

• 9:08Speaker 04

  Getting her titties attached?

• 9:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, getting her titties attached. That to her was like, like now, you know, like in your thirties, you might get drunk and be like, oh, I can't believe I made out with that person. I was kind of wild or whatever. You're like, uh, you know, you're capable of that. She was kind of in that mode at like 15. So I remember being at my, my telemarketing job, uh, the next day, which by the way, I was also a 15 year old telemarketer for, uh, American government mortgage.

• 9:34Speaker 04

  Can I tell you something?

• 9:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 9:35Speaker 04

  I could pick that up from your vibe. When I first encountered you, I was like, somewhere in his teens, this guy was selling shit, bullshit on a phone.

• 9:45Stavros Halkias?

  I didn't, I didn't close a single app. I would like to, I didn't, I didn't help the housing crisis. In fact, I kind of took some of the money away from it.

• 9:53Speaker 04

  You were like the bad guy in The Big Short?

• 9:55Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly. Basically. Yeah, yeah. I was just a very incompetent guy at one of those offices. So I was actually good.

• 10:01Speaker 04

  You were actually helped.

• 10:02Stavros Halkias?

  I was helping because I was getting $10 an hour from one of these horrible shell companies.

• 10:07Speaker 04

  That's what, you know what is so funny to me? Like this is the thing that all those people who got stuck in the Riyadh Comedy Festival, by the way, funniest news story of the last 10 years.

• 10:15Stavros Halkias?

  It is really funny.

• 10:15Speaker 04

  It's so great.

• 10:16Stavros Halkias?

  I also, I mean, I obviously I wouldn't, I got offered, I didn't want to do it. I think we shouldn't support, you know, regime. Like it's a monarchy that has so many human rights violations and it's like, I wouldn't have done it, but whatever. But I also, it is funny because Kamala wins. No one gives a fuck about this.

• 10:34Speaker 04

  Right.

• 10:35Stavros Halkias?

  Everyone is cashing their checks for fucking, you know, and so many of these are the same people. Like, I bet you Gabriel Iglesias is doing a fucking private for, like, Deloitte. He's fucking, he's like signing bombs for like, you know, Northrop, Northrop Grumman and shit like that.

• 10:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 10:50Stavros Halkias?

  They probably named a bomb Fluffy or something in the past.

• 10:53Speaker 04

  Yeah, oh my god.

• 10:54Stavros Halkias?

  He's probably gotten like two million dollars to do stand up. Like, all these guys like-

• 10:58Speaker 04

  I'm not murderous, I'm fluffy, yeah.

• 11:00Stavros Halkias?

  All these guys are used to cashing huge checks from evil people.

• 11:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 11:05Stavros Halkias?

  And they're like, now I have to, now I'm getting in trouble?

• 11:07Speaker 04

  Well, it's, to me, it's so funny, because not one person was like, hey, I am taking money away from them, what I'm gonna use it for is gonna be better what they will use it for.

• 11:16Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 11:16Speaker 04

  Why did nobody come up with that?

• 11:18Stavros Halkias?

  They tried, but it was too late.

• 11:19Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 11:19Stavros Halkias?

  They tried after they got caught. And then, I think they were like, human rights groups were like, we don't want blood money.

• 11:25Speaker 04

  To me, that's the funniest, is when people tried to donate, they were like, we don't want it.

• 11:30Speaker 04

  There's nothing you can do.

• 11:31Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a tough one.

• 11:35Stavros Halkias?

  But, anyway, yes, so, how did it end? Real quickly, put a button on, and then we'll actually talk to our guest who-

• 11:41Speaker 04

  Oh, I'm so interested in this.

• 11:44Stavros Halkias?

  I just remember being like, like, going into my job being like, well, it looks like I have a girlfriend now. And like, and then like, is the MySpace days? And being like, oh, let's see if I've made her top eight yet? Like, truly.

• 11:58Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 11:58Stavros Halkias?

  Because I had no, I had no, I had no, I'd never gotten any romantic attention from a girl. So I just figured like, once she kisses you-

• 12:06Speaker 04

  It's so important.

• 12:07Stavros Halkias?

  She's your girlfriend.

• 12:08Speaker 04

  Yeah, it changes how you see yourself.

• 12:09Stavros Halkias?

  And then it was like, not only that, but like, it becomes clear by cruising her MySpace, she has a boyfriend.

• 12:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 12:17Stavros Halkias?

  And then she's messaging me like, lol, I don't even remember what happened last, uh, this weekend.

• 12:23Speaker 04

  She's trying to backtrack.

• 12:24Stavros Halkias?

  And now I'm like, haha, me neither, I'm fucking crying. I'm crying in my cubicle.

• 12:28Speaker 04

  You've been replaying it exactly as it happened in your head all week.

• 12:31Stavros Halkias?

  In my head, it's the start of our wedding video.

• 12:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, I could animate the whole thing.

• 12:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 12:38Speaker 04

  Yeah, I totally, my first kiss, I remember, this was in college, you know, I was late bloomer for sure.

• 12:43Stavros Halkias?

  Nothing going on in Pakistan.

• 12:44Speaker 04

  No.

• 12:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 12:45Speaker 04

  No, not for me.

• 12:47Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, sure, sure.

• 12:48Speaker 04

  I'm sure people somewhere were doing stuff.

• 12:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 12:52Speaker 04

  You know, it's just such a different environment.

• 12:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 12:55Speaker 04

  Different priorities.

• 12:56Stavros Halkias?

  Blame the culture.

• 12:57Speaker 04

  People trying to get laid, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was focusing on math.

• 13:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 13:02Speaker 04

  This really cute girl in college was like into me and the first time we kissed, I was so bad that it completely immediately, that was it.

• 13:11Stavros Halkias?

  That ruined it.

• 13:12Speaker 04

  It was so bad. Cause I was like, well, the goal must be to get as much of my tongue into her face as possible, right?

• 13:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 13:21Speaker 04

  I think part of me was like, you know, when you're like hungry for a long time.

• 13:25Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah.

• 13:26Speaker 04

  It's that.

• 13:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 13:27Speaker 04

  I was like, I was like Tom Hanks from Cast Away back online, like, what you got?

• 13:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 13:33Speaker 04

  Awful.

• 13:34Stavros Halkias?

  Show at the buffet, just show with both hands.

• 13:36Speaker 04

  Ah, yeah.

• 13:38Stavros Halkias?

  That's a tough one. That's interesting. What was the like, what was the culture like, like hookup wise in Pakistan? Cause like, I remember going to Greece and being shocked at how much like kids were fucking.

• 13:50Speaker 04

  Really?

• 13:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 13:50Speaker 04

  Well, at least in my experience from what I saw, it was very, it was not like, I went from, first of all, my school until, so we had 13 grades. We had a year extra.

• 14:01Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow. Okay.

• 14:02Speaker 04

  Until the 11th grade of school I was in.

• 14:04Stavros Halkias?

  That extra year is just like telling you to hate, how much you should hate India? They do an extra?

• 14:08Speaker 04

  No, we start that.

• 14:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's, that's pre K.

• 14:10Speaker 04

  That's pre K. What are you talking about?

• 14:13Stavros Halkias?

  I love countries that are still engaged in like medieval levels of like, we must hate our border neighbor. Like, it's like.

• 14:21Speaker 04

  Well, I mean, it's, they're right there, dude.

• 14:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, it's tough. I mean, cause we have a very funny.

• 14:26Speaker 04

  They look just like us. It's scary.

• 14:28Stavros Halkias?

  The secret agent thing must be easy. There's very little disguise.

• 14:32Speaker 04

  No, no, no, there's no prep required. Same language, same food, same pop culture. Just, just waltz in there. Nobody's gonna stop you.

• 14:41Stavros Halkias?

  A little religious difference, but that's pretty much it. But like, I remember, cause like, we joke all the time, cause Eldis is Albanian and I'm Greek. And it's like, there is funny, there are still like people who think we're engaged in this like blood feud. And there's hilariously occasionally like a skirmish at the border where like two guards will be like, fu- fuck Albania. He's like, fuck Greece. And they'll shoot at each other. But it's not, the whole country is constantly keyed up.

• 15:09Speaker 04

  It's really changed more recently. It's not cool.

• 15:13Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, oh, worse, for the worse.

• 15:14Speaker 04

  It's gone bad.

• 15:16Stavros Halkias?

  Oh no.

• 15:17Speaker 04

  It's gone the other way.

• 15:18Stavros Halkias?

  Maybe I'm wrong, that's great.

• 15:19Speaker 04

  No, no, no, no, no. Well, you know, since we were kids, obviously, first of all, we weren't... Our history books, like, our history was like, these are the people to dislike. These people are... Like, I remember what, there was like a trick question and a thing about some, like, Islamic war that was like, how many people from the other side were martyred? And, uh, the answer was zero.

• 15:41Stavros Halkias?

  Cause they're not...

• 15:42Speaker 04

  They went to hell.

• 15:44Stavros Halkias?

  Martyrs did something good.

• 15:45Speaker 04

  They were not, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll tell you how many died. Righteously, their lives were snuffed.

• 15:52Stavros Halkias?

  That's so funny to be doing like trick questions.

• 15:55Speaker 04

  It was a trick question, I remember.

• 15:57Stavros Halkias?

  Ethnic cleansing.

• 15:58Speaker 04

  And the guy was so proud. It was like one of those tests with the, for some reason, the teacher was just gonna like walk through and ask each kid a question, loud to everybody. And I remember how smug the teacher looked. I remember how smug the kid looked when they got it right. And everyone else was like, there were murmurs of like, "Pretty good question, pretty good question." Yeah, like in a courtroom and new evidence is introduced, you know, it was that vibe.

• 16:22Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, of course.

• 16:23Speaker 04

  It was very exciting. I feel like it's changed, cause for me, growing up, I personally did not feel any hatred towards India or Indian people. I grew up watching Bollywood movies, culturally we're the same, like, I truly understood that. And we all liked each other, you know? And, but now, the, when I'm mostly off social media, when I'm on, the hate I get is most from like the people you would think in America, and then Indian people. That's the biggest damage.

• 16:51Stavros Halkias?

  I do think Indians have really upped their online hate, like, they've gotten good at it, man. They're fucking awesome at it, like, so, being a Pakistani guy in the middle of like some culture wars, you're kinda like getting it from both sides.

• 17:05Speaker 04

  Yeah, totally. You know what I mean? You know what, it's kind of like, to me, like, I'm married to a white woman.

• 17:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 17:10Speaker 04

  That's something both sides hate.

• 17:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, everyone's, everyone hates that.

• 17:14Speaker 04

  No, nobody likes that. Like, how the fuck did that happen? I get why the right hates it, but the left also hates it? I'm a white supremacist cause I fell in love with a white woman? It's fucking crazy. I mean, truly, genuinely.

• 17:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. It is something. It's really funny, dude, because it's like you could almost chart it with your career. Because it's like, the movie, you literally like, what was like a decade ago?

• 17:37Speaker 04

  Uh, 2017, yeah.

• 17:39Stavros Halkias?

  Almost, not even, not even 10 years ago. The like, like you get an Oscar nomination for a heartwarming story about what's nice about that? About like breaking down, like coming together culturally. It's like, literally eight years later, people are like, this is fucked up.

• 17:55Speaker 04

  Yeah, this is white supremacy propaganda.

• 17:57Stavros Halkias?

  This is both white supremacy and disgusting race mixing at the same time. It's like, it's gotten fucking crazy.

• 18:04Speaker 04

  I remember, you know, you do test screenings, right? And I was so involved. I read like every single response. And there were a few that were like, I just, I just don't think this kind of thing is good. And I'm like, and you stayed for the whole movie?

• 18:19Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 18:19Speaker 04

  You thought at the end, maybe?

• 18:20Stavros Halkias?

  I love Everybody Loves Raymond. What do you, I thought, you know, I was here for a mono.

• 18:25Speaker 04

  That's right.

• 18:26Stavros Halkias?

  Great cast, for real.

• 18:28Speaker 04

  Great cast, great cast.

• 18:29Stavros Halkias?

  You guys crushed it. But yeah, that is very fucking funny that that, people were like, yeah. Because that was in the height of like, things were, I mean, it was a tale, but it was like pretty woke around.

• 18:40Speaker 04

  Yeah. I mean, 2016 is the election.

• 18:43Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 18:44Speaker 04

  And we, we make the movie in 2016, going into the election, then 2017, we debuted at Sundance the day of the inauguration. It was the same exact day.

• 18:53Stavros Halkias?

  Oh my god, that's so fucking funny.

• 18:55Speaker 04

  Conditions were real nice for us.

• 18:56Stavros Halkias?

  That's really, well, you know, I bet you there was kind of like a, because there, that was like in the height of the liberal backswing of like, we have to support everything that Donald Trump would hate. So I'm sure there were some like, resistant libs that were like, we think this is good. You know what I mean? We love this. They're not even paying attention. They're like, yep, I'm a good person.

• 19:15Speaker 04

  Oh yeah, no, we totally, I totally was like, oh, we've, we're now important, so.

• 19:19Stavros Halkias?

  Which is tough, which is tough to be important because you just want to make a personal.

• 19:24Speaker 04

  You just wanted to make a funny movie, yeah, a personal funny movie.

• 19:27Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly. Uh, which it is, and that, and I can't believe it was, I felt like it was longer. I think probably because I was just aware of you. What I was trying to say, cause when I, at, at the, when I was wearing that grad school where, you know, I guess, I, I guess I had gotten pussy by then, but it was close, uh, my senior year of college.

• 19:47Stavros Halkias?

  I remember, cause I was aware of both you and Emily. I also, like, I listened to your video game podcast.

• 19:53Speaker 04

  The Indoor Kids, yeah.

• 19:54Stavros Halkias?

  The Indoor Kids, which I was, cause I was just trying to find comedians. I remember listening to a different podcast that played a clip of your, uh, the cheese bit.

• 20:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 20:05Stavros Halkias?

  Of a heroin and Tylenol PM bit. And I was like, that's, this is good stuff.

• 20:09Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 20:11Stavros Halkias?

  And it was, yeah, it was just like, you were a fascinating guy, cause it was like, all the trappings of just like, good alt comedy, like, good joke writing, like, whatever, nerdy shit.

• 20:22Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 20:22Stavros Halkias?

  And then it was also like, you, you would talk about the bizarre story of how you and Emily, cause like, that is true. The big sick is like, it's insane that you guys were casually dating. And then she has like a life-threatening illness to the point where you have to like, meet her family.

• 20:37Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 20:38Stavros Halkias?

  Which that was crazy to me. And then it was interesting to me to like, know about a guy who was, cause you're an immigrant, like, I'm an immigrant too, but you're like, you came here for fucking coll- you were 18. You know what I mean? It's like, you're an immigrant-ass immigrant.

• 20:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm an immigrant-ass immigrant. It's totally true.

• 20:54Stavros Halkias?

  But you went right into that like, American apparel hoodie, alt comedy zone.

• 20:59Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 21:00Stavros Halkias?

  By being foreign as fuck. And I just, I always, I just appreciate, I was like, this is a weird, interesting guy.

• 21:05Speaker 04

  Well, it just sort of happened like that. I didn't choose to be alt versus club. It's just the people I liked. The people I thought were really funny were just sort of in that world. And in Chicago, I started comedy in Chicago. We didn't really have like, alt versus club scene. We just didn't really have a club scene. Because there was one club in the city and they didn't book us.

• 21:24Stavros Halkias?

  Zany's, baby.

• 21:25Speaker 04

  Zany's. Used to be a strip club. You could, you could feel it.

• 21:29Stavros Halkias?

  Happens a lot. You go to a lot of comedy clubs, like, you know, this used to be a strip club.

• 21:32Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of poles.

• 21:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 21:35Speaker 04

  A lot of bad seats, cause you're stuck behind a pole. They went from really good seats to really bad seats.

• 21:42Speaker 04

  That was the seat you wanted and now, oh fuck, I can't see, I can't see Jimmy Pardo's face. I only say that because I saw Jimmy Pardo at Zany's have one of the best sets I've ever seen in my fucking life.

• 21:54Stavros Halkias?

  He's funny as shit.

• 21:55Speaker 04

  When I first started doing comedy, you know, I was sort of, I would get, Zany's would let me do guest sets, so.

• 22:02Speaker 04

  And I would just go and just watch sometimes. They'd let me in and I remember seeing Jimmy Pardo there riff 45 minute set and I was like, I don't think anybody's ever did better than that guy is doing right now. Him and Paul F. Tompkins I saw do like fully riffed sets that I was like, nobody's ever, like those have to be like the top 20 sets in the world of all time.

• 22:23Stavros Halkias?

  But there's also something, because I know that feeling of being a comedian who's in the guest spot zone that they'll let you. It's also the thing of like, you're so in love with the art form that you're like, there's something so magical about seeing that and being like, whoa, this is possible. And it's like, maybe I can do that someday. It's like the way you think like, you know, when you first date someone, you're like, this is the most perfect person I've ever met in my life. And then like now you probably would see these same sets and you're like, do some fucking material.

• 22:51Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 22:51Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? Like, write a joke, Pardo. But like at the time, you're like, oh my god.

• 22:57Speaker 04

  It is magic. I remember, yeah, you know, you see like some like road dog in his 50s who's hammered and hitting on all the waitresses and you're like, someday.

• 23:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, dude.

• 23:07Speaker 04

  This is a perfect life.

• 23:08Stavros Halkias?

  That was all, that was my only aim in life was to make 75 grand touring B-Club. Like if I, like B-Clubs.

• 23:16Speaker 04

  If I could do one-nighters in the Midwest.

• 23:18Stavros Halkias?

  I'm not kidding, dude.

• 23:18Speaker 04

  I'd be so happy.

• 23:19Stavros Halkias?

  That was like my vision board was like, like just doing that.

• 23:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 23:23Stavros Halkias?

  And uh.

• 23:24Speaker 04

  So, so in Chicago, all we had was the alt scene. And when I moved to, and, and um, the reason I fell into the alt scene is I remember Zach Galifianakis who was like, you know, I, this is before Hangover.

• 23:35Stavros Halkias?

  You don't have to tell me.

• 23:36Speaker 04

  He was, I mean, he's still the funniest guy. He came into town to do a show with Will Oldham. He's an incredible musician. Bonnie Prince Billy, he performs under. And he was like a big comedy fan. And this local, like, I think it was Drag City Records. They're not local, they're a big record label. Was doing a show and I was like, I gotta get on that show. So I opened for Zach that show. And then Zach had me on tour with him, so I toured with Zach.

• 24:01Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, hell yeah, that's awesome.

• 24:02Speaker 04

  This was right around the events of the Big Six. So I had to cancel some shows because I had to be like, hey, my girlfriend's currently in a coma. So just this weekend, find someone else, but I'm gonna make it.

• 24:14Stavros Halkias?

  But I'll be back.

• 24:15Speaker 04

  I'll be there next weekend. I remember when I finally was able to hit the road with Zach again. He's like, I saw him and he's like, how's Emily? I'm like, she's good. And he's like, and what she had, is it contagious?

• 24:31Speaker 04

  And so, and then when I moved to New York, the people that like, I remember I went, there was a show called Invite Them Up at Rafifi that Eugene Mirman and Bobby Tisdale used to run. That was like the center of the comedy scene here. In this tiny bar, you could go and see like people I'd seen on TV, one after the other. I saw like Gaffigan there, Aziz, all these people who were like already like well-known. And Zach just happened to be there then. And he introduced me to the Booker. And I got booked on that show like a month after moving to New York. So I was really, really lucky. And then that's how I just got into the alt scene. So I never really did clips until...

• 25:06Stavros Halkias?

  It makes sense, though.

• 25:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 25:08Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, your sensibilities are, that's what was interesting to me. It was like, kind of one of those, you know it, but I'm also pretty young, right? I'm talking, I was like 18. And it was like a real like, oh, people are the same everywhere.

• 25:19Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 25:19Stavros Halkias?

  This is just some fucking dork from Pakistan who's like, you know, you're in your, you're talking about like, and this is pre, this is before being jacked. You really were a dork from Pakistan.

• 25:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 25:28Stavros Halkias?

  You were like, I mean, you still are.

• 25:30Speaker 04

  I'm still a dork from Pakistan.

• 25:31Stavros Halkias?

  You still are, but you know, you, it is a funny thing because I'm watching this special. I'm like, I think this is the most jacked guy who's doing three straight minutes of puns. I don't think I've ever seen a guy with triceps like that, that's doing cat pun wordplay for this long. Which is, you are blazing new ground.

• 25:51Speaker 04

  It doesn't, it doesn't sound like a compliment, but...

• 25:55Stavros Halkias?

  No, it was.

• 25:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, the special is fucking awesome, by the way. Go watch. It's on Hulu.

• 26:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, thank you.

• 26:03Stavros Halkias?

  I believe it's out. We're not very professional here.

• 26:05Speaker 04

  It's out December 19th.

• 26:07Stavros Halkias?

  Or it's, yeah, it's either about to be out or it's out right now.

• 26:10Speaker 04

  Right here.

• 26:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. This episode is brought to you by Visible. The smartest upgrade this season isn't a new phone. It's a better wireless plan. Switch to Visible, the ultimate wireless hack. You get unlimited 5G data and unlimited hotspot powered by Verizon. We have Visible here at Stavie Baby Enterprises. We love it. We just got a new assistant. She loves it. She's taking all our sushi orders. They're going through the Visible network. Brought to you by Verizon. It's fast, it's reliable, it's so sick. They sponsor the Stavie's World hotline, as you know, and make it possible for us to help all our callers out. Oh, my God, they're the best. Switch today at visible.com. The Visible plan starts at $25 a month or get the Premium Visible Plus Pro Plan

• 26:53Stavros Halkias?

  and save $10 on your first month with promo code STAV. Terms apply.

• 26:58Speaker 05

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• 27:28Stavros Halkias?

  But yeah, I did love the, yeah, it was, it did strike me because it was like, and I didn't realize you didn't do, you just didn't do stand-up for 10 years. You talked about that in the special.

• 27:36Speaker 04

  Yeah, right around the big thick.

• 27:38Stavros Halkias?

  Which is crazy. I just like, I just assumed, you know, you weren't hitting it like you used to, but it's like, it's crazy to me to think about not doing it for a decade.

• 27:46Speaker 04

  Yeah, well, I didn't, I just felt creatively satisfied doing other stuff. And, you know, when we were shooting Silicon Valley, TJ had that and I would be like, oh, what's this I doing tonight? I'm like, what are you talking about? I'm gonna go to bed.

• 27:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 27:57Speaker 04

  I just didn't have that kind of energy and I didn't feel the need to do it. I was feeling like creatively satisfied doing what I was getting to do. And it was like a whole new world, you know, like acting and stuff. It was so different from stand-up and. You know, going back to it, I went back in the actor writer strike because I was like, I gotta do something. That's why I started up again.

• 28:16Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck you pussies. You guys are broke. I'm gonna go fucking do a couple of one nighters.

• 28:22Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Make hundreds of dollars.

• 28:25Stavros Halkias?

  Watch me. You're talking to a guy I just told you who just did the Greensboro Comedy Zone. So I know all about it, baby.

• 28:31Speaker 04

  Is that a good comedy town, Greensboro?

• 28:32Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah. The mecca, they call it the mecca of western North Carolina.

• 28:36Speaker 04

  You know what's cool though is-

• 28:38Stavros Halkias?

  It literally is maybe the bottom four city in, I'm sorry, eastern North Carolina. Yeah, yeah.

• 28:44Speaker 04

  It's, it's, it's, it is fun though. Like when I go to like these small towns and I'll just pop into, people are, stand up is popular.

• 28:52Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, I, I-

• 28:53Speaker 04

  And the local comics are funny.

• 28:54Stavros Halkias?

  They are. Yeah. Yeah, no, that's, that's actually the reason I did. I was like, I felt like I was getting too far away from the essence of stand up. Cause like these theaters, like I love doing theaters, but it's like, it's that grimy shit. It's being in a place that clearly was a strip club.

• 29:09Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 29:09Stavros Halkias?

  That you're next to, you're, the parking lot is like a business that's like, you just do vinyl flooring. You have, you have a huge warehouse in North Carolina and all you sell is vinyl flooring. It's like, no way that, like, how is that?

• 29:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 29:24Stavros Halkias?

  It's all, you know, the, and you're, and you're sharing that. This is where I'm coming to do entertain people.

• 29:29Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 29:30Stavros Halkias?

  You know, across from a Marshalls or whatever.

• 29:32Speaker 04

  Yeah. Of course. Like a strip mall or like inside a mall, a comedy club inside a mall.

• 29:38Stavros Halkias?

  Those are brutal, but I've gotten real affection for the lebery lives of the world. Where you're like, you know what? Let me go hit the Ferris wheel that's also in this mall. Anytime a mall is like an ice rink, they have a stand, they have a comedy club in there too.

• 29:51Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 29:51Stavros Halkias?

  Let's go check out Yard House. Let's go have a nice Yard House meal.

• 29:55Speaker 04

  Yeah. It's like, you know, with the, with the, the high tops, like everything's high tops, like long high tops where you're sitting next to people you don't know.

• 30:03Stavros Halkias?

  A hundred percent.

• 30:04Speaker 04

  That vibe.

• 30:05Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely.

• 30:05Speaker 04

  Everything is a little too shiny. Um, but, but because I, for me, it was always, even though I was doing the alt rooms, I was like, I wanna do good in every kind of room. Cause I would see comedians in alt rooms that I was like, you're very funny. You're only doing well in this room. Though you wouldn't. So for me, it was always like, that's why for me, it was always about like writing like, how short can I get my setups? How many punchlines can I get in a row? How many tags can I get? It was always for me like the structure of a joke and the having like laugh density in there. Like the math of that was always very, very important to me. Yeah.

• 30:40Stavros Halkias?

  I also loved in the special, you made it very clear that for like, you were like, I'm not an actor doing this. Yeah. Cause it's true. You have to, you usually have to like rape your way out of show business. And then you start doing comedy. That happens all the time where you're like, this guy's doing comedy? Why? And then you're like, let me do a quick Google. Ah, X allegations.

• 31:00Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Vulture did a deep dive and found some shit.

• 31:06Stavros Halkias?

  It's always like, I didn't know this guy did stand up. And then you're like, oh.

• 31:09Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, why is this guy actually kind of good at stand up? Oh, I see. Right, right, right, right, right.

• 31:17Stavros Halkias?

  And so it's like, you, it is very funny because you do have to make it clear. Cause there's no dignified way from going to like movie star to stand up. You have to have already been grandfathered in as a stand up.

• 31:28Speaker 04

  Right, right, right.

• 31:29Stavros Halkias?

  Cause if it's like, so if you see fucking Austin Butler doing stand up, something bad, something catastrophic happened to him.

• 31:38Speaker 04

  Back when, you know, all those stories were happening, which obviously great, great that all that happened. There were some websites that I only know like, oh, you had that one story.

• 31:48Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 31:49Speaker 04

  And then you went under like, but it sustained you for a year.

• 31:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, the economy, the economy of a me too think piece. That was really happening. That was, that was, that was happening a lot. That drove traffic. But it's true. It was like, guys who have no business doing stand up are just all of a sudden like, you know, at these. But it's also funny because you're like, he's not really moving that many tickets.

• 32:09Speaker 04

  No, he was on a huge show. Well, that's the tricky thing. It's, it's you kind of like, the audiences are a little different. Like stand up audiences are kind of different from movie audiences.

• 32:20Stavros Halkias?

  For sure, for sure.

• 32:20Speaker 04

  And so you kind of, so when I was like touring again, I was like, okay, how do I reintroduce myself as a stand up? How do I tell people like, oh, hey, I'm, I, I. Actually know how to do this and get those people to buy tickets. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 32:35Stavros Halkias?

  That is, it's super interesting, but it was true, cause I remember it was a surreal. I mean, I'm sure it was much more surreal for you, but it's like, I really felt like I was on the ground floor of, of like, finding you as a comic and then you, you blowing up was like, holy fuck, this is awesome. Like, it was one of my first, like, damn, that's one of my guys who's like now fucking big. Like, the big sick was cool, cause it was like, oh, well, that was his personal story. And then you just kept doing, and Silicon Valley was awesome.

• 33:01Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 33:01Stavros Halkias?

  And it was very, it was like, I am fascinated by that, where you're, where it's like, did it feel fucking insane to just, cause 10 years no stand up, was it like nonstop? Did you just feel like, in the middle of like a little tornado? Cause just, I'm on a much smaller scale of that shit and I'm like, this is, I feel insane every day.

• 33:21Speaker 04

  I.

• 33:21Stavros Halkias?

  Where like, every day is like something bizarre in you.

• 33:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 33:24Stavros Halkias?

  And I can't imagine like, cause you got to the fucking, you know, shit just kept going crazy.

• 33:29Speaker 04

  I was very aware at the time, I was like, oh, a thing is happening right now. I have access to opportunities that I've not had access to, and I may not have access to these opportunities for a long time. Especially happens with comedy people, where they get like a two years, I could name them.

• 33:45Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 33:46Speaker 04

  There's a little window and then it goes away. And, and you don't really get to control very much how long that window stays open. Cause you get opportunities, you make the best decisions you can, given the things, you know, like, someone like Yorgos asked you, that's amazing. It's out of your control, though.

• 34:06Stavros Halkias?

  That totally was, where I was like, I was, I was told everybody was like, I'm done. I'm gonna fucking kill myself if I keep working, I need a year off.

• 34:13Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 34:13Stavros Halkias?

  And I made a list of people that was hilarious. It was like, you know, he was on it, I'm like, I guess if Martin Scorsese or Paul Thomas Anderson. I was like, I guess that, and Yorgos, Yorgos was one of those people. And then they called me, I was like, shut, I literally, yeah.

• 34:27Speaker 04

  It's lucky that you got, not lucky, you deserve it, it's all great. But I could also imagine getting a call from someone who's not on the list and you're like, they could have been on the list.

• 34:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 34:36Speaker 04

  You know what? I totally forgot to put that guy on the list, I should probably go do this.

• 34:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like, fucking the guy who did Rush Hour 2. Fucking what the fuck is his name?

• 34:48Speaker 04

  That was a banger. Rush Hour Two was a banger.

• 34:50Stavros Halkias?

  Who was it? Brett Ratner? I'm like Brett Ratner? I gotta take Ratner's call. Speaking of fucking raped your way out of show business.

• 34:58Stavros Halkias?

  I gotta take his call. He's on the come up. He's gonna be a part of the comeback. Oh, Weinstein's producing something from jail? I think I can play a fat idiot in that.

• 35:10Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah, I'll be a fat guy that Mel Gibson kills in one of his Republican revenge movies, which are awesome. Shout out to fucking.

• 35:18Speaker 04

  Republican revenge movies?

• 35:20Stavros Halkias?

  Dragged across concrete. Vince Vaughn's got bangers, dude. Cell Block 99.

• 35:26Speaker 04

  The anger that animates them, I think, is what.

• 35:29Stavros Halkias?

  They're so good, dude. Those movies are fucking awesome. I love, it's like, yes, this is actually a great, like, vehicle for this anger.

• 35:37Speaker 04

  And there's like a whole, like, there's like a history to that, like Death Wish and all those, you know, where they're just like killing gang members. For very extrajudicial ways.

• 35:48Stavros Halkias?

  I love it too, because they make, they go through pains to be like, he's not racist, though.

• 35:52Speaker 04

  No, no, no.

• 35:52Stavros Halkias?

  Like, they have, like, he's a skinhead who has, like, black friends.

• 35:55Speaker 04

  Yeah, he's nice to the coffee guy who's black. We got, it's like the save the cat, but it's tip the black. They do a little tip the black in the, in the beginning, and then he can just go kill a bunch of black people and it's fine.

• 36:08Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why I was, yeah, it was, anyway, great, great stuff. But, yeah, I don't know, do you?

• 36:16Speaker 04

  So I was very aware, you know, it was, it, it felt, I understood that it was crazy, but part of you, and I'm sure you had the, you've had this, where you have to convince yourself it's not crazy, so you could be like, I should be here. I deserve to be here. That stuff. Not in an arrogant way, but just in a way so you don't fucking freak out and have panic attacks at the moment.

• 36:35Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah, dude, my first, like, I have to do a scene with Jesse Plemons. You know how fucking insane that is? I talked about it before, but I was like, there was takes where it took me like seven seconds to start my lines, because I'm like, damn, this guy's fucking good.

• 36:48Speaker 04

  When I saw that movie, what's the movie about, like, the Civil War with him and Kirsten Dunst?

• 36:54Stavros Halkias?

  Civil War.

• 36:56Speaker 04

  It's not called Civil War.

• 36:58Stavros Halkias?

  It's called Civil War.

• 36:59Speaker 04

  That movie's called Civil War? Not the one with Captain America?

• 37:04Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, no, no, no.

• 37:04Speaker 04

  Are we sure it's called Civil War?

• 37:06Stavros Halkias?

  It's called Civil War Positive.

• 37:07Speaker 04

  I just watched it a couple of months ago. What's that name of that big bird that's yellow on Sesame Street?

• 37:14Stavros Halkias?

  The, you know, the movie about the ship, the Titanic, it's like sailing the Titanic.

• 37:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, what's the movie that's got Forrest Gump in it?

• 37:27Speaker 04

  Civil War.

• 37:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Oh, yeah, he's out of control.

• 37:30Speaker 04

  I run into him here and there. He's such a nice guy. Kirsten Dunst is so nice. I'm not friends with them, but I run into them. But in that, he's like, that got that scene where he's so scary. And at some party, I wanna go up to him and be like, cause he's so calm and normal and he's fucking terrifying. I wanna be like, how did you do that? What was that? Cause you're not screaming, you're not doing anything and it's fucking terrifying.

• 37:53Stavros Halkias?

  It's a quiet menace.

• 37:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 37:55Stavros Halkias?

  Cause you know, he's, it's just like, he's projecting how sure of himself he is in a way that's like truly terrifying. And it's, that's a hard thing to do.

• 38:03Speaker 04

  It's hard.

• 38:04Stavros Halkias?

  To the subtext of a guy being like, everything I say, you have to take seriously.

• 38:09Speaker 04

  Right.

• 38:10Stavros Halkias?

  There is no bluffing.

• 38:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 38:12Stavros Halkias?

  In fact, I'm way scarier than I'm leading on.

• 38:15Speaker 04

  It's like Christoph Waltz in the beginning of Inglourious Basterds, where we didn't know his work and then suddenly like, he's speaking very politely.

• 38:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, but I'm so scared.

• 38:24Speaker 04

  Yeah, what's going on?

• 38:25Stavros Halkias?

  And that was awesome too, cause it's like, we had no idea who that guy was.

• 38:28Speaker 04

  No.

• 38:28Stavros Halkias?

  Some fucking German guy. Say, what? What the fuck is this? I was, yeah, I was like, I thought Brad Pitt is gonna, like, where's Brad Pitt? Why are these two foreigners starring in this movie? Why is this one act play starting this movie?

• 38:41Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 38:42Stavros Halkias?

  And then very quickly the guns started, think of it.

• 38:45Speaker 04

  Have you seen, there's a weird backlash now to Inglourious Basterds. Like they call it like Jew propaganda and all this stuff.

• 38:52Stavros Halkias?

  Are you serious?

• 38:53Speaker 04

  It's crazy. I was just looking about it today. There's a big thing where they're like, oh, it's like, I saw, they called it Talmudic propaganda. And I'm like, wow.

• 39:02Stavros Halkias?

  It's like, come on, man.

• 39:03Speaker 04

  You looked up a new word for this.

• 39:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 39:04Speaker 04

  That is good racism.

• 39:06Stavros Halkias?

  It's also like, fellas, if I could, I'm not trying to counsel racists, but it's like, leave Nazis, let Nazis go. You know, you're not winning, that's your low, that's your worst point.

• 39:19Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 39:20Stavros Halkias?

  That is like, you couldn't even, like, if, although to their credit, they're like, if we get Nazis approved, we can run, I think that's probably what's going on.

• 39:28Speaker 04

  I think that what we can get a little, there's like, they've bifurcated, like, they're like, alright, 5% of us are gonna work on this project. You guys are shooting the moon.

• 39:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 39:37Speaker 04

  You guys, you guys are doing the Hail Marys.

• 39:39Stavros Halkias?

  It's not gonna work.

• 39:40Speaker 04

  It's not gonna work.

• 39:41Stavros Halkias?

  But what if they die? It's buying the racist powerball.

• 39:45Speaker 04

  It is, I would say, it's totally true. That's exactly right. Five percent of you are gutting for it, you know, like if you, it's not gonna work.

• 39:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 39:56Speaker 04

  But if it does. The other ninety-five percent got it easy.

• 40:00Stavros Halkias?

  All this vintage SS stuff in our closets, we can start wearing it, you know, it's good. Yeah, it is, it's fucking, I mean, that, there is.

• 40:07Speaker 04

  There also what they do is then everybody else gets to be like, well, we're not that guy.

• 40:11Stavros Halkias?

  Of course. No, no, that's a big problem. And it's like, the second, it's crazy that we have to say this, but it's like, I am against any media that speaks highly of Nazis.

• 40:21Speaker 04

  Right, right, right. I wanna be clear on that.

• 40:23Stavros Halkias?

  But it's fucked up that that is something where you're like.

• 40:25Speaker 04

  They really are doing that. They're like, we're not, however, should they be getting married? These two types of people?

• 40:31Stavros Halkias?

  The like, the openly saying, right, like they're, like what we were joking about earlier about race mix, they're literally saying shit like that.

• 40:38Speaker 04

  The word race mixing has never been used in a good context.

• 40:41Stavros Halkias?

  No, and it's, it's, they literally unfroze it from fucking nineteen sixty-four.

• 40:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Encino man that back. They really did.

• 40:49Stavros Halkias?

  There's a lot of Encino man racism coming back.

• 40:52Speaker 04

  Look at this. You thought this was for like video games and horror movies?

• 40:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no. Yeah, that's, I, I haven't seen that particular one, but it doesn't surprise me.

• 41:01Speaker 04

  Well, you know, Emily was like big in the punk scene in North Carolina in like the nineties, and the punk scene has a big like white supremacist contingent. You know about this?

• 41:12Stavros Halkias?

  I knew, I thought of punks more as like, they actually would fuck Nazis up, but I guess it was like.

• 41:16Speaker 04

  Well, those were most of them, but there was, there was like, and so she says, she has stories of like, you know, house parties where Nazis show up and then they fucking kick them out. Have you seen the movie Green Room?

• 41:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 41:28Speaker 04

  That stuff is real, like the color-coded laces, that's what I love about racists too, is they're like, we gotta be color coordinated.

• 41:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, I know. There is, it is funny how like, like prim and proper some racists are.

• 41:40Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 41:41Stavros Halkias?

  Where they're just like kinda posh.

• 41:42Speaker 04

  Well, you know, there was that thing that was happening, we were talking about like twenty sixteen or whatever, where they had the Nazi haircut back and they were like, I don't even remember their names, where like, New York Times did profiles on them where they were like, this Nazi is actually really well dressed.

• 41:54Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 41:54Speaker 04

  Well, they were always very well dressed.

• 41:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 41:56Speaker 04

  Their uniforms are great.

• 41:58Stavros Halkias?

  Styling was never the Hugo Boss.

• 42:01Speaker 04

  Looks good in that movie.

• 42:02Stavros Halkias?

  Looks awesome. No, no, the, the iconography is really.

• 42:05Speaker 04

  It's a sharp silhouette.

• 42:07Stavros Halkias?

  It is good, absolutely. And we could keep the silhouettes and leave the ideology. We could do that. I mean, yeah, all the, all the insignias look cool.

• 42:16Speaker 04

  It's like that eagle thing, whatever. I mean, don't leave this in. But swastika is a good looking symbol. That is good graphic design. A swastika?

• 42:27Stavros Halkias?

  It's good graphic design. I mean, they did ironically, didn't they take it from, what is it?

• 42:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, Hinduism, I think, where it's like flipped and I think it's turned a little bit. Yeah.

• 42:35Stavros Halkias?

  That's my favorite thing that sometimes they're like.

• 42:37Speaker 04

  It actually means peace.

• 42:38Stavros Halkias?

  It's a symbol of peace.

• 42:42Stavros Halkias?

  It's a symbol of peace when the scariest guy you've ever seen has it in the middle of his forehead.

• 42:46Speaker 04

  Right.

• 42:47Stavros Halkias?

  He's trying to be peaceful, you fucking idiots. Yeah, it is, it is fucking hilarious.

• 42:53Speaker 04

  Graphic design.

• 42:54Stavros Halkias?

  You know, hopefully, uh, that stops.

• 42:58Stavros Halkias?

  I'd love for this kind of weird white supremacist thing going on to end. Uh, that would be fucking awesome. Uh, but you know, I'm not betting on it.

• 43:07Speaker 04

  No.

• 43:08Stavros Halkias?

  No, I'm not, you know, we'll see. Look, again, go back, just make revenge movies.

• 43:14Speaker 04

  Yeah. That's a good lane for you guys.

• 43:16Stavros Halkias?

  Death Wish is really like, yeah, I mean, some of my favorite movies, you look at Co- like Cobra, I go back to. It's a complete fascist fantasy. It's incredible. The Stallone movie Cobra?

• 43:28Speaker 04

  Are you, I had a poster of Cobra in my room.

• 43:30Stavros Halkias?

  Cobra fucking.

• 43:31Speaker 04

  I feel like that movie's a little, isn't his name in it like John Cobretti or something like that?

• 43:36Stavros Halkias?

  Cobretti.

• 43:38Stavros Halkias?

  Right? And his nickname is Cobra.

• 43:40Speaker 04

  You know what I love also? Where they made a big deal out of the name of the characters where like, there were all these comedies in the eighties and nineties where the trailer was like Stan Lipsitz has a problem.

• 43:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 43:51Speaker 04

  You know?

• 43:51Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely.

• 43:52Speaker 04

  Or, or no, it'll be like Stan Lipsitz has the perfect life, a great life.

• 43:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 43:57Speaker 04

  You know what? They'd really like the, the full first name, last name being a big part of the campaign. I miss that.

• 44:03Stavros Halkias?

  Commando John Matrix.

• 44:05Speaker 04

  John Matrix.

• 44:06Stavros Halkias?

  They have some great names. Casey Ryback is, uh, uh, Under Siege is Segal.

• 44:12Speaker 04

  Is that right?

• 44:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, dude, Casey, Under Siege, absolute banger.

• 44:16Speaker 04

  Of course.

• 44:16Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, all of the, well, the other thing I liked about Segal was like his first three movies were all like Steven Segal is. Marked for death. Steven Seagal is, I think, above the law. Steven Seagal, and there was one I'm forgetting.

• 44:29Speaker 04

  Under Siege, yeah.

• 44:30Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, yeah, Under Siege. And then what was the one we watched, Aldous?

• 44:32Speaker 04

  Steven Seagal is eating a lot.

• 44:34Stavros Halkias?

  I think it was Mark, yeah, yeah.

• 44:35Speaker 04

  He was a chef and, uh, what was the one? Was that Under Siege?

• 44:38Stavros Halkias?

  That was Under Siege.

• 44:39Speaker 04

  He's a chef?

• 44:40Stavros Halkias?

  He's a chef, yeah.

• 44:40Speaker 04

  I buy that.

• 44:41Stavros Halkias?

  And that's why, you know, he, he, he had to go there because he was too sick. He was too fucking awesome. He was too dangerous, but the Navy let him stay as a chef. And that's why they were like, well, it's just a chef. Who cares? But little did they know, that was no ordinary chef.

• 44:56Speaker 04

  That guy's had a solid pivot, I would say, in real life.

• 45:00Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely.

• 45:00Speaker 04

  He's really gone.

• 45:01Stavros Halkias?

  He is interesting. He is kind of like a medieval figure where it's like, he's, he's going from like, uh, like, strong monarch to, he's going in the court. Now he's in literally the court of Vladimir Putin. He went from being like a, a world famous entertainer in America to like, that's like an old fashioned thing where it was like, a famous entertainer would go to different kings and be like, uh, will you give me a little palace?

• 45:23Speaker 04

  Oh, is that right?

• 45:24Stavros Halkias?

  I feel like that's like a classic. He's, he's literally in the court.

• 45:27Speaker 04

  You have your benefactors, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 45:30Stavros Halkias?

  And he does propaganda for him, talks about how fucking cool he is.

• 45:33Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 45:33Stavros Halkias?

  I, you know, I respect him for that. Uh, he, he knows what he's doing. And I'm still, look, we watch a lot of Seagal around here. Um, have, do you think you'll ever get, because you've kept, you, you know, you stay, you've stayed jacked. Do you think you'll go action movie or anything like, I know you've done like, you know, like, I mean, you've played the, the not jacked guy, Stuber.

• 45:53Speaker 04

  Yeah, I've played the not jacked guy who's thrust into jacked situations.

• 45:58Stavros Halkias?

  You know, have you thought about going back?

• 46:00Speaker 04

  I would like to. I'm actually trying to lose weight and, and muscle some because, you know, the hard thing is, I am jacked, but I don't have the vibe of a jacked guy.

• 46:13Speaker 04

  Like, so, I saw the meanest comment I've ever gotten, because it's true. Someone was like, well, his voice didn't get abs. I was like, yeah, that is true. I don't have the vibe. I have a vibe of, the vibe of a dork from Pakistan.

• 46:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it is cool. And I do, and you, that's another, not to spoil the special, but one of my favorite lines was just like, I'm the first guy who ever got shit for getting jacked.

• 46:38Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 46:38Stavros Halkias?

  Which is so, I was like, you're so right. No one has ever, I mean, look at my comments. They're like, you know, fat piece of shit, whatever. It's like, if, to get jacked and people getting pissed off is so fucking funny.

• 46:50Speaker 04

  It's like such a, yeah, I do talk about it. It's so crazy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 46:55Stavros Halkias?

  But you're trying not to be jacked.

• 46:56Speaker 04

  Well, there is, you know, listen, I don't want to get into it, but there is a little bit of like, stay in your lane.

• 47:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 47:03Speaker 04

  It thinks it can do this.

• 47:04Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 47:05Speaker 04

  It can't.

• 47:05Stavros Halkias?

  Well, also, I think part of it is like, no one thinks about South Asian guys as jacked guys.

• 47:10Speaker 04

  I think that's part of it here. I mean, if you look at Bollywood, those guys are fucking jacked. But here that is.

• 47:17Stavros Halkias?

  RRR is one of the greatest movies of all time.

• 47:20Speaker 04

  If you like that, I'll, I could give you a list of like awesome, like Bollywood. Yeah, yeah. Cause I grew up watching him. I still watch him.

• 47:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. I love, I'm fascinated by that guy who's like the most famous guy on earth, who's like.

• 47:32Speaker 04

  Shah Rukh Khan.

• 47:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. And you can see, the aura is unbelievable. Like, I don't know anything about him. You just see a still image of him. You're like, who's that?

• 47:41Speaker 04

  That head of hair is like, that's like a crown.

• 47:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 47:46Speaker 04

  And I've been a big fan of it. What's cool about him is that he started off, he, he started off doing like charactery movies. So he did a rom com and then he did this thing that nobody was doing. This is back like eighties, nineties, that nobody was doing, where the actors were like good guys and the actors were bad, there were actors who were good guys, actors who were bad guys. And he did two back to back movies as a leading romantic lead, who suddenly did like two psychopaths. And that put him in a whole other category and nobody was doing that. You know, like Tom Cruise, other than Magnolia, never really, never, never played a bad, bad guy.

• 48:20Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, uh, collateral.

• 48:22Speaker 04

  That's a good movie.

• 48:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, the best, one of the best.

• 48:24Speaker 04

  Collateral is one of the best movies.

• 48:25Stavros Halkias?

  And you see Tom, you're like, yes, you're like, holy fuck, Tom Cruise is the man. That was the beginning for me of like, I always liked Tom Cruise, but I saw that, I was like, he's the fucking man.

• 48:33Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 48:34Stavros Halkias?

  And I wish.

• 48:34Speaker 04

  That hair, great hair.

• 48:35Stavros Halkias?

  Such great hair. And I'm kinda, I'm very hopeful, like he's in that Interretu movie, I'm really hopeful that he, after Mission Impossible, he does some interesting.

• 48:44Speaker 04

  He does some pivot.

• 48:45Stavros Halkias?

  I think he will.

• 48:45Speaker 04

  He's got like such a great. Intensity and presence. By the way, the big sick has a lot of driving scenes of her in the back, me in the front.

• 48:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 48:54Speaker 04

  That was all in there because of collateral. Cause I love those scenes with Jamie Foxx and Jada Pinkett.

• 48:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 48:59Speaker 04

  I was like, this looks so fucking cool.

• 49:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 49:01Speaker 04

  Totally, totally stole it from that.

• 49:03Stavros Halkias?

  You should have had a little.

• 49:05Speaker 04

  Yes, that thing.

• 49:05Stavros Halkias?

  You should have had a postcard of you like doing in Madison Square Garden.

• 49:09Speaker 04

  Someday I'll go here with big like rubber bands around it, big cab driver rubber bands. Where are they getting those rubber bands? Those are sturdy.

• 49:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 49:18Speaker 04

  Um, yeah, no, totally 100% from the, and I said it to you, like, I was like, I know car scenes are a fucking pain in the ass to shoot, but this thing where you're gonna look at her through the rearview mirror and they look through, you just see the eyes back and forth, it's so exciting.

• 49:33Stavros Halkias?

  It gives you an opportunity to act as the per, cause like you're not face to face with them. And so there are like, you get private moments in the middle of a conversation.

• 49:40Speaker 04

  You just look up, they look at you. It's very exciting and it is 100% from collateral.

• 49:44Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting. Yeah. That, Tom Cruise is interesting because it's like, he did do Mission, and I love the Mission Impossible movies, but it's like, I, I, it's like you kinda give so much of your, he like, that was like over a day, like the first one came out.

• 49:57Speaker 04

  In the nineties, right?

• 49:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. The Palma, fuck, it was like the Palma, and now it's like, yeah, nineties, it's like 20 years, which is, is there a part, like, is there a part of you that's like, man, cause you were signing, you were clearly going for, it was going to be like, oh, this will be my, if like the Marvel shit takes off. Cause I saw you talking about it, where you're like, this is my life for a decade.

• 50:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 50:19Stavros Halkias?

  Is there a part of you that's like, that seemed like a lot? Like, are you kinda happy or not in the like?

• 50:24Speaker 04

  No.

• 50:26Speaker 04

  Are you fucking kidding me? Oh, yeah, by now I've been like four Marvel movies? What a bummer. Oh, my God. This guy's movies have made two billion at the box office?

• 50:39Stavros Halkias?

  Cash money to mail.

• 50:41Speaker 04

  Yeah, with my luck, that would be the backlash to that, too. This guy's movies are making too much money. Fuck that guy. No, because, you know, if you do one of those a year, the rest of the year, you could do whatever you want. And suddenly, you know, I can make like

• 50:54Stavros Halkias?

  True.

• 50:54Speaker 04

  ten million dollar movies that with my name get made, just, you know, like

• 50:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 50:59Speaker 04

  You could like, like, look at Sebastian Stan, right?

• 51:01Stavros Halkias?

  Totally. That's a great point.

• 51:02Speaker 04

  Does great Marvel movies and then there's really interesting stuff on the side.

• 51:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 51:06Speaker 04

  There is no, there is no downside to being successful, Stavros.

• 51:12Stavros Halkias?

  I'm, I'm trying to convince, I'm really trying to stop getting more like, I'm just like, I was really hoping you'd be like, yes, it's a prison.

• 51:18Speaker 04

  Oh, my God. Yeah.

• 51:21Stavros Halkias?

  I'm so much happier now.

• 51:24Speaker 04

  No, that would have been great. Are you fucking kidding me? Oh, my God.

• 51:30Stavros Halkias?

  That's a good point. The Sebastian Stan comp is a good point.

• 51:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 51:32Stavros Halkias?

  But I do, I don't know, sometimes I wa, I do think like some real talents have given a lot of their lives to like

• 51:40Speaker 04

  Sure, 100%, and I think there are people in those movies who just don't like those kinds of movies.

• 51:46Stavros Halkias?

  True, that's a good point.

• 51:47Speaker 04

  And so that's probably

• 51:48Stavros Halkias?

  You're a comic book guy.

• 51:49Speaker 04

  I love those movies. I love comic book movies. I love, you know, I love like those big action things. I was watching the new Jurassic Park on the plane on the way over and I was fucking loving it. I couldn't finish it because the plane was landing.

• 52:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 52:01Speaker 04

  I didn't need it to take a nap.

• 52:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it sounds like you're really committed to these kinds of movies.

• 52:07Speaker 04

  I made it eighty.

• 52:08Stavros Halkias?

  I was watching it on my phone.

• 52:09Speaker 04

  No, no, no, no. No, but I, I feel like on a, I do watch, Emily watches things on her phone. I never do. I don't watch things on my laptop. It's always that. The only exception is airplanes.

• 52:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 52:20Speaker 04

  I'll watch. But I do think you're really locked in on an airplane.

• 52:23Stavros Halkias?

  I agree. I think that's a good viewing experience.

• 52:26Speaker 04

  It is.

• 52:27Stavros Halkias?

  E- especially if you're doing something like, like a more, like a comedy's great because it's about the writing, it's about the vibe.

• 52:33Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 52:33Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, I, one of my friends Was like, I was telling the story about how I was in London and I had like a week, I had a couple of days off and they happened to be playing. Uh, uh, Space Odyssey, like on film on like seventy millimeter. I was like, holy fuck. And I'd seen it, but it was like, seeing it like that. I was like, dude, have you ever seen, like, you should go see it. He was like, he's like, I tried watching it on a plane once.

• 52:57Speaker 04

  No.

• 52:57Stavros Halkias?

  And I can't think of a worse movie.

• 52:59Speaker 04

  No, you can't do that.

• 53:00Stavros Halkias?

  On a fucking plane. It's all about the spectacle.

• 53:02Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 53:03Stavros Halkias?

  And it's just like, you're fucking immersed in it. I like, movies like that, I feel like are a problem on a plane, but a nice. Low budget action movie, a nice comedy.

• 53:11Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 53:12Stavros Halkias?

  Those are fun on it.

• 53:13Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 53:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, some superhero, like a superhero movie you're not that into. It's like, that's always fun because they're.

• 53:17Speaker 04

  Perfect time.

• 53:18Stavros Halkias?

  They're very entertaining.

• 53:19Speaker 04

  Wait to finish Jurassic Park on the plane back. You know, what's your, okay, let's. We both, you love movies.

• 53:27Stavros Halkias?

  I do, yeah, yeah.

• 53:27Speaker 04

  They're my favorite thing in the world. One of my favorite movie going experiences you just reminded me was not that long ago at the. Arc Light, the Dome, which is now closed, which is like one of the best theaters in the, in, in the country. I went and I watched Close Encounters of the Third Kind.

• 53:43Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah.

• 53:44Speaker 04

  And I was vibrating afterwards. I was like, this is gonna ruin the next five, like, things I write. Because then you're like, oh, it should all be like that. And it can't all be like that.

• 53:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and there really is something to the experience of. I do think unfortunately, movies are gonna get a little more niche, like the cinema going to an actual theater unfortunately. Is just not, it's gonna be, it's gonna be like, like being a cinephile now feels like. When I was growing up, being into like records, you know what I mean? For like young kids, it's like almost like a retro thing.

• 54:16Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 54:16Stavros Halkias?

  But I will say, I hope that at least one silver lining is that people go in on seeing classics. Like that starts coming back more because.

• 54:25Speaker 04

  It is coming back more because people are going to see them. I saw Batman Returns in the theaters.

• 54:30Stavros Halkias?

  I would have loved to see that.

• 54:32Speaker 04

  That movie is so fucking weird.

• 54:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 54:37Speaker 04

  That is like Penguin is the lead of that movie. It's his story. All the actors.

• 54:41Stavros Halkias?

  Batman is not, Batman is barely, like, they put him in the, at the very beginning because it's like, alright, but then he's not.

• 54:48Speaker 04

  He's not really in it. It's, it's all Catwoman.

• 54:50Stavros Halkias?

  She's awesome. She's so hot. She's so incredible.

• 54:53Speaker 04

  I love the scene where Danny DeVito's like, just giving like a speech to an amphitheater of penguins. And they're all listening to him, he does make some good points.

• 55:03Stavros Halkias?

  They like talking back.

• 55:04Speaker 04

  I also love.

• 55:06Stavros Halkias?

  Dude, he eats a real fish in front of some lady.

• 55:08Speaker 04

  Dude, it's he, it's when Max Schreck, who is Christopher Walken, brings him out, cause he's like, this guy's gotta run for mayor and win. And they bring him down and he doesn't know he's gonna be at like this big party. It's like he was like coming out, like this is the new candidate. And he's literally eating a raw fish with black goo dripping from his mouth. And everyone looks at him, he's like, yeah, we should vote for that guy. What a great movie.

• 55:29Stavros Halkias?

  A pretty, a pretty subtle metaphor.

• 55:31Speaker 04

  You know what?

• 55:34Speaker 04

  You know what's interesting that I hadn't thought of? Obviously movie, you know, it's, we're in like a tough time right now, but someone said to me, they were like, there's always, it's back and forth in terms of like commercial stuff that's not good. And then like artsy stuff that is, so like the, the, all the movies in the seventies, like, you know, we were, uh, you know, Taxi Driver, that whole like movement.

• 55:54Stavros Halkias?

  Hollywood stuff.

• 55:55Speaker 04

  Yeah, was a reaction to musicals were the biggest thing for a long time.

• 55:59Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 56:00Speaker 04

  And so that was a reaction to that. And then the eighties and the nineties, with the, all the action movies we're talking about, were kind of a adjustment from those like very.

• 56:08Stavros Halkias?

  Everything was grounded.

• 56:09Speaker 04

  Yes, so then like became over the top. And then in the late nineties, two thousands, there were all those indie movies that got big, which was a reaction to that. So like, you know, Swingers and uh, Little Miss Sunshine, all those movies. So right now, we're in like the superhero big spectacle phase. And hopefully, and I love those movies, there'll be a reaction to that where we get more like, you know, the stuff that Yorgos makes and that kind of stuff. Some sort of reaction to that will happen and hopefully those movies will, will do well and be interesting.

• 56:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, my, my worry is that it's just such a, uh, just as an industry, it's shrinking unfortunately. I do think, my, my theory and my hope, cause this is kind of where I'm at, is like, I think hopefully somebody just starts letting people make five million dollar movies. Three million dollar, like, somebody just starts making ten of those, instead of making one.

• 57:02Speaker 04

  I could not agree more.

• 57:03Stavros Halkias?

  Eighty million dollar thing, make fucking ten eight million dollar movies.

• 57:07Speaker 04

  I could not agree more.

• 57:08Stavros Halkias?

  And one of them's gonna be a hit. And so that's my hope. And I also feel like a lot of, I feel like I see a lot of people that kind of are contemporaries of mine. That, uh, like, a lot of internet people are, do wanna move on to movies more than they wanna do TV in a, in an interesting way. I think a lot of people, it gives them kind of more, from my perspective. I don't want a job. TV is a job.

• 57:30Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 57:30Stavros Halkias?

  Movie is like a cool project you work on for.

• 57:33Speaker 04

  You do like three months and then you're done.

• 57:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, and even if you're writing it, let's say it's a year of your life, a year and a half, it's like you're laser focused. I feel like a lot of people have come of age looking at shit like that. So I hope that the big swing is like, you know, Sorry Baby is a great example. Have you seen that movie?

• 57:50Speaker 04

  No, Emily saw it. Yeah, she loved it.

• 57:52Stavros Halkias?

  And, and it's like, that's someone who I knew from like

• 57:55Speaker 04

  Internet.

• 57:55Stavros Halkias?

  Internet videos. She had great, or they, I'm not sure, I'm not exactly sure, I don't want to be fucking offensive, I think they, but like Ava Victor like just was making internet videos that were fun, but you, and you could see there was something to the creative output, but that, to make that your first feature, it was like, I was like, holy fuck.

• 58:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, taking sway. I mean, the other thing.

• 58:15Stavros Halkias?

  And I hope there's a lot of, I don't know, that's my guess of like, cause you know, I hope that happens. I want to make like a movie that's I made a little movie, but it's like, I'd love to make like a, something with a little more money.

• 58:24Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 58:24Stavros Halkias?

  But that's pretty small and like, you know.

• 58:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's what I'm trying to do. I have a, a movie that I'm gonna direct.

• 58:31Stavros Halkias?

  Hell, yeah.

• 58:31Speaker 04

  Looking like I'll get to do it next year. Make it as cheap as possible, you know? I think the advantage of movies to TV is with movie, you know what you want to say, a story you want to tell. You're like, this is the beginning, middle and end. I want to watch these characters do on this, go on this journey. It ends right here. With TV, it's a lot of like, alright, well, season two, what do we do now? You gotta like, keep coming up with stuff.

• 58:53Stavros Halkias?

  Well, it's particularly the way America does TV where it's like, like Greek TV, like watching that growing up, we got satellite pretty young. And then even you see it like, London, you know, British stuff, it's like, those are, a lot of them have ends.

• 59:07Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 59:08Stavros Halkias?

  In sight, it's like, I would.

• 59:08Speaker 04

  They do six episodes a season.

• 59:10Stavros Halkias?

  And now America, not only that, but it's like, they've, they've, we've started pretending we're doing limited series, and they just be like, why the fuck is there so many seasons of White Lotus? Part of the thing was, it was a limited series. Task, I love, but it would, like, I would kind of be pissed if they came back, cause it's like, you lied to me about this being one story.

• 59:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 59:29Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? It's like, and I don't know, that's, cause a lot of TV in America is like, alright, let's just keep selling fucking commer, like.

• 59:34Speaker 04

  Well, I mean, you know, when you pitch a show now. You have to tell them what's gonna happen in like season four and five. And it feels crazy.

• 59:42Stavros Halkias?

  Which is hilarious, cuz it's like, you're not letting me get to season four. I'm getting canceled.

• 59:46Speaker 04

  Yeah. If we get to one, it's a fucking homerun. What are you talking about? It's, it's, it is, it's all, it's so weird, like, so, you know, you go on Pitch a Show and you have to write a bible that tells you what's happening in like season four and five. And it's all feels so like, made up anyway. You're like, I have a new TV show, it's gonna be this. It's so stupid. And then to be like, and then seven years from now, this is what's gonna be happening on it. It's all.

• 1:00:11Stavros Halkias?

  Which blow my brains out. I have to know what I'm doing in eight years?

• 1:00:15Speaker 04

  Yeah, I mean, you just have to prove that you could.

• 1:00:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you just have to lie till they give you money.

• 1:00:21Speaker 04

  Like we were talking about before we started, nobody knows what they're doing.

• 1:00:25Stavros Halkias?

  No one knows what they're doing.

• 1:00:26Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:00:27Stavros Halkias?

  Least of all our callers, great segue. Uh, Eldis, why don't we do some, we have, we have a man with a wealth of life experiences. And I think it's time that we, you know, see what he, see what he has to say to our, our bedraggled, our lost callers.

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• 1:01:47Speaker 06

  What's up, staff, eldest, guest? So, my issue is, uh, back in high school, one of my best friends, uh, he's part of our whole friend group, I slept with his little sister.

• 1:02:02Speaker 04

  Hmm, how little?

• 1:02:06Speaker 04

  He's like, she was in middle school. I mean, it's high school, so any little is getting close. Little's tough in high school. I hope he graduated, you know what I mean? But let's let him finish.

• 1:02:18Speaker 06

  And from that point on, we haven't talked at all. Uh, that has been about eight years.

• 1:02:26Speaker 04

  Holy shit.

• 1:02:27Speaker 06

  Now, and he still will not talk to me. The friend group is basically split where

• 1:02:33Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 1:02:33Speaker 06

  they'll either hang out with him or they'll hang out with me, but we haven't all hung out together ever since this happened.

• 1:02:40Speaker 06

  Um, and back in high school, when it happened and he found out, I apologize.

• 1:02:46Speaker 04

  I like the passive use of "it happened." Yeah, yeah, yeah. You did it. You know, like how a police's, a police bullet struck a child. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. It's exactly that. Yeah, this person died in an altercation. Oh, yeah? They had a heart attack?

• 1:03:05Speaker 06

  You know, maybe it wasn't the best apology. So, it didn't do anything.

• 1:03:12Speaker 04

  Oh, man. Probably lose the word "maybe" in that sentence. That's awesome. Sorry for your sister, dude. Not making eye contact.

• 1:03:19Speaker 06

  It didn't do anything. And even over the years, I've seen him a couple times. And one time, he was drunk. We were at a party and he saw me and he tried to start a fight with me, but nothing really happened.

• 1:03:34Speaker 04

  Awesome. It's on sight because you fucked my sister.

• 1:03:37Speaker 06

  But anyway, I'm kind of wondering if there's anything I can do to... Mend the relationship, at least enough so that our whole friend group can hang out again.

• 1:03:46Speaker 04

  Friend group, eight years.

• 1:03:48Speaker 06

  Any advice that you guys have would be helpful.

• 1:03:50Speaker 04

  You're, you're like out of high school long enough that phrases like friend group should not be, it's time to move on.

• 1:03:57Stavros Halkias?

  Well, yeah, this is insane because he's like, alright, it happened in high school. So, we're gonna say.

• 1:04:02Speaker 04

  He was in high school.

• 1:04:03Stavros Halkias?

  I'm gonna say, yes, exactly, hopeful. I'm gonna say he's seventeen, the little sister is, uh, she got held back grade. She's a sixteen year old sophomore. We're just gonna say that for our peace of mind, right? We don't, let's not get into too much math.

• 1:04:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, we gotta take that off the table.

• 1:04:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, let's say this happens when this guy's seventeen, eight years later, that he is twenty-five?

• 1:04:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:04:28Stavros Halkias?

  And he's still, your high school friend group is still hanging out, not to be, not to call you a fucking loser, but you got bigger issues.

• 1:04:36Speaker 04

  You gotta move on.

• 1:04:37Stavros Halkias?

  The fact that we're talking about a hookup from high school as a twenty-five year old, as a guy who's been out of college ostensibly, at, you know, if you even went to college, you're, you're out of it for three to four years. It's like.

• 1:04:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, you're an adult now.

• 1:04:50Stavros Halkias?

  This is crazy. The problem is not that you fucked like your friend's little sister or whatever. The problem is that you are letting, this is like a guy who keeps talking about how good he was at football in high school. You're just stuck in being in high school. This is not a real problem.

• 1:05:06Speaker 04

  It seems to me, and I don't wanna generalize, it feels like a little bit of a small town vibe to me.

• 1:05:13Stavros Halkias?

  I, I agree.

• 1:05:13Speaker 04

  Which, and I'm, you know, Emily's from a small town and it's interesting to go back. Like, we're in our forties now, we go back and they never stopped hanging out with each other.

• 1:05:22Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 1:05:23Speaker 04

  From like, so now they've been hanging out for thirty years. It's so much baggage.

• 1:05:26Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, look, we, we literally went to preschool together, but, but we both moved together, like we left where we were.

• 1:05:32Speaker 04

  I'm not saying this.

• 1:05:34Stavros Halkias?

  But I know what you mean. This, this makes more sense in the context of small town where, you know, you didn't, nobody goes away.

• 1:05:40Speaker 04

  You're running into each other at Fuddruckers, yeah.

• 1:05:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Still holding on, you know, Fuddruckers.

• 1:05:45Speaker 04

  It's time to move on.

• 1:05:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:48Speaker 04

  Fuddruckers is.

• 1:05:49Stavros Halkias?

  Go to Ruby Tuesday. You're now, you have to go to Ruby Tuesday. You're out of Fuddruckers. Eldis, what do you think?

• 1:05:55Speaker 04

  I said, I think the problem is too, it's not just that, it's not that like necessarily that they're hanging out with their high school crew still, but it's like, the problem is, this guy has made up his mind. He fucking hates you. He like hasn't talked to you for eight years. It's not like, you know, you're not gonna bury the hatchet now. He's like moved on.

• 1:06:16Stavros Halkias?

  That's more time than you were friends.

• 1:06:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:06:18Stavros Halkias?

  Eight years?

• 1:06:19Speaker 04

  For sure. You've been enemies longer than you've been friends.

• 1:06:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, to him, he hates you more than, yeah, and he's not budging. And it's like, also, yeah, it's like, well, I don't know what to tell you, buddy. Anything to mend? No.

• 1:06:33Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:06:33Stavros Halkias?

  Also, what happened? The other thing is like, what happened? Cause he said he slept with his sister. It's like, what? We haven't heard her mentioned once.

• 1:06:41Speaker 04

  No, I know exactly.

• 1:06:42Stavros Halkias?

  Did you treat her bad?

• 1:06:44Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:06:45Stavros Halkias?

  Like, is there more to this? Like, was she in love with you and you were like, I just kinda wanna get my dick sucked? I don't care. Like, there's more to this.

• 1:06:52Speaker 04

  He's like, she got pregnant. I made her use her babysitting money to get an abortion, but I drove her.

• 1:06:58Stavros Halkias?

  I drove her. I didn't even ask for gas money. Fucking bitch. And like, yeah, it's like, I think there is more to this story. It's like, what happened to the sister? Were you like dating? Cause it's like.

• 1:07:09Speaker 04

  Yeah, what does she, how does she feel about all of that? Is she pissed at her brother for being upset at the guy that she hooked up with? Like, she's like a non-factor through this whole thing.

• 1:07:18Stavros Halkias?

  I don't like, that's the part of this, that's what's making me not as sympathetic to you is like, you haven't mentioned her at all. She's just a pawn in this friendship game.

• 1:07:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:07:28Stavros Halkias?

  It's like, oh, great. I fucked this girl and now I don't get to smoke blunts and watch Aqua Teen Hunger Force with Roy. It's like, what? What happened to her, dude? Like, so I don't know. Either way, though, this guy doesn't give a fuck.

• 1:07:42Speaker 04

  Time to move on.

• 1:07:42Stavros Halkias?

  He fucking hates you.

• 1:07:43Speaker 04

  It's over.

• 1:07:44Stavros Halkias?

  And by, maybe let this be a, you also didn't really do anything wrong, as long as you treated her well.

• 1:07:49Speaker 04

  And whatever the age gap is.

• 1:07:51Stavros Halkias?

  And yeah, exactly. That's right. We are, we are going under the assumption that you, they were Irish twins. He was a year older than you.

• 1:07:58Speaker 04

  Irish twins.

• 1:07:59Stavros Halkias?

  She's a month younger than you.

• 1:08:00Speaker 04

  The phrase little sister is tough.

• 1:08:02Stavros Halkias?

  Little sister's tough to hear.

• 1:08:04Speaker 04

  Throwing it around is not good.

• 1:08:06Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck his little sister in high school. It's a brutal sentence.

• 1:08:09Speaker 04

  Little sister, not younger sister.

• 1:08:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:08:12Speaker 04

  Little advice.

• 1:08:13Stavros Halkias?

  Sister.

• 1:08:14Speaker 04

  Sister. Fuck his sister. Yeah.

• 1:08:19Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, but yeah, it's, this is kind of a foreign.

• 1:08:22Speaker 04

  You think the phrase little sister factored into the apology that he thinks maybe wasn't good? I bet it did.

• 1:08:28Stavros Halkias?

  He's like, I bought her some more, some squish mellows. Why are you being so weird about this? Like, there are some very key factors that we're actually not sure we can even sign off on.

• 1:08:40Speaker 04

  Candy cigarettes afterwards.

• 1:08:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I offered her a Turkish blue. She said, do you have any candy cigarettes?

• 1:08:46Speaker 04

  I got her Hawaiian punch afterwards.

• 1:08:49Stavros Halkias?

  He was mad. She was too hyper because I fed her all this sugar.

• 1:08:53Speaker 04

  She wouldn't go to sleep afterwards.

• 1:08:56Stavros Halkias?

  So, yeah, dude, I don't know. Eight years is just, this is, it's so over.

• 1:09:01Speaker 04

  It's over.

• 1:09:01Stavros Halkias?

  In, in a, to a crazy degree. And, yeah, this is a weird reason to have to starting new life, but also the friend group maintaining this fractured. You guys are living in like, you have, the, the harder thing is you have frozen your high school dynamics in carbonite here. You have made it so that you, none of you can grow up because this is some kind of shit that you do when you're 20. A friend group doesn't hang out with, doesn't get custody of a different friend.

• 1:09:30Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:09:30Stavros Halkias?

  For, in your mid twenties, people just go.

• 1:09:33Speaker 04

  Grow the fuck up.

• 1:09:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you gotta, you gotta leave. You've been exiled, basically.

• 1:09:37Speaker 04

  I could not ima, all I wanted to do was get away from high school.

• 1:09:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, totally. And you have made, you have ensured that you are stuck in high school forever. And this is a big thing. It's like, this is a good lesson for you to learn. It's like, yeah, sometimes you fuck up. And sometimes the blowback, you don't necessarily deserve, but instead of stewing over it, move on with your life.

• 1:09:58Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:09:59Stavros Halkias?

  Start something different.

• 1:10:00Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:10:00Stavros Halkias?

  You know, hopefully, again, we are all you, under the assumption that you didn't do anything heinous here. And if you didn't, just move on. It's over. Fuck it, dude. It's like, you're never, this guy's never gonna be your friend again. And by the way, as long as you treated her well, whatever, he's being completely ridiculous.

• 1:10:17Speaker 04

  Well, there is that thing of like, you know, guys have with their like sisters and stuff. Where it's like, I have to protect her honor, which is a whole other problematic thing.

• 1:10:24Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 1:10:25Speaker 04

  But also, that's not the guy who called us. This is the guy who called us.

• 1:10:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:28Speaker 04

  And, yeah, it's time to move on.

• 1:10:30Stavros Halkias?

  Time to move on. Hilarious. Yeah, I really hope. Anyway, next question.

• 1:10:35Speaker 07

  Hi, sorry baby. Hi, elders. Hi, esteemed guests. Um, I'm calling with a sexual question.

• 1:10:42Stavros Halkias?

  What if she's like, uh, my older brother's friend fucked me and it ruined their group?

• 1:10:49Stavros Halkias?

  And I'm just trying to get some dick again.

• 1:10:53Speaker 07

  Guest. Um, I'm calling with a sexual question.

• 1:10:57Stavros Halkias?

  Nice.

• 1:10:57Speaker 07

  Um, my husband has a number of different illnesses, um, just chronic pain, um, TMJ issues.

• 1:11:05Stavros Halkias?

  TMJ, jaw.

• 1:11:06Speaker 07

  Eating pussy is like really strenuous for him, you know, sucking is just kind of hard in general. He's also on like antidepressants, so it's also like makes it hard.

• 1:11:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's tough.

• 1:11:16Speaker 07

  Anyways, um, I like want to initiate sex in a way that's like not physically taxing on him.

• 1:11:26Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 1:11:26Speaker 07

  I don't want him to feel emasculated. Um, if to ask him like, hey, can I just like, you just lay there and I just use you? Like, I guess it's kind of hot, but like,

• 1:11:40Stavros Halkias?

  It is.

• 1:11:40Speaker 07

  I just want to know if there are ways of sucking that are like less strenuous on the male body. I know you're a sexual dynamo, um, but I'm sure you have times when you just like,

• 1:11:51Stavros Halkias?

  I'm giving a hundred ten percent every time. I'm throwing my back out.

• 1:11:56Speaker 04

  I'm leaving nothing on the floor.

• 1:12:02Stavros Halkias?

  I'm playing like a sixteen seed versus Duke in the NCAA.

• 1:12:06Speaker 04

  Alright.

• 1:12:07Stavros Halkias?

  This is my only time.

• 1:12:08Speaker 04

  This is your shot.

• 1:12:08Stavros Halkias?

  This is the only time I'm being televised, so I gotta, so I really gotta make it count.

• 1:12:13Speaker 04

  That's right.

• 1:12:13Stavros Halkias?

  So I wouldn't know.

• 1:12:14Speaker 04

  Yeah, if I got a contract, it's from this one game.

• 1:12:19Speaker 07

  I'm sure you have times when you just like want to chill out and let the girl do all the work.

• 1:12:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's awesome.

• 1:12:25Speaker 07

  Um, I love giving head. So that's my problem. I try, I do that as often as he'll let me. Um, but you know, I would like to get my nut as well.

• 1:12:35Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 1:12:35Speaker 07

  And like I said before, I know him giving me head, it just hurts with his TMJ. Um, And yeah, chronic pain issues, yeah.

• 1:12:45Speaker 04

  I like that this guy's problem is his mouth hurts, but his dick doesn't work.

• 1:12:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I know. That's a tough combo. I at least could rely on my mouth. For the many years I was too fat for my dick to ever get over sixty-five percent hard. Which we're out of now, folks, okay?

• 1:13:02Speaker 04

  We're at a hundred.

• 1:13:03Stavros Halkias?

  Well, let's not get crazy. I don't know about a hundred. We're hitting the nineties with regularity, though.

• 1:13:10Speaker 04

  Is there more?

• 1:13:11Stavros Halkias?

  No, I think that's it. There's a little more, but that's just.

• 1:13:13Speaker 04

  Well, so there's a lot to parse through there. First of all, I totally do sympathize with her and with him, obviously. I mean, here's, this is maybe not the right thing to say because I do, if someone, you know, if my wife to me was like, I don't want you to do anything, I'm gonna take care of it. Love that. Obviously, very exciting. There are medical interventions that could help because it seems like he has issues with, because of his antidepressants, that he's got issues with ED.

• 1:13:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:13:43Speaker 04

  There are medications for that.

• 1:13:45Stavros Halkias?

  Or you just can't bust. I feel like a lot of people on Lexapro or whatever just can't nut.

• 1:13:48Speaker 04

  But, but the thing is, and there's no shame in this, doctors will give you medication that will help with libido, that'll help with ED, like that stuff is, exists. And you just gotta be, the hard thing is, I would assume that if you don't have a libido, you're not missing anything. So there's kind of like nothing that you think you need to fix. But there are medications that help with all of that. TMJ, you know, there are stuff you could do to, to help, help that. People get like Botox injections in their jaw to like relax it. A lot, a lot of TMJ comes from stress and stuff. There's like stress that you could, stuff you could do to lessen your stress, yoga, all this stuff. You know, there, there are medical things that you can encourage him to do that would take, that would, that would, I think, alleviate some of this stuff.

• 1:14:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. You could do that. I'm saying, you know, maybe you get a sex swing and he pushes you on it like you're a little kid. Where it's like, like the, the George Clooney in Burn After Reading sex swing, you know, he could just kind of push her on and off and it can fuck you, you know? You could do that. Kumail's like, gets real like medical. I'm like, alright, what kind of fuck toys can we get?

• 1:14:54Speaker 04

  Swing and fuck her like a little kid.

• 1:14:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:58Speaker 04

  It's good, we get each, each have our lengths.

• 1:15:00Stavros Halkias?

  Can he have, okay, for like, what about those like vibrators that like he can control from of his phone? He can just be lounging and just fucking put the intensity up, you know what I mean? Like, I honestly think this guy needs to take a mech suit approach to fucking. Where it's like, let's get as many sex toys in the mix as possible.

• 1:15:18Speaker 04

  Whatever you can.

• 1:15:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, you know, put a cock, put a vibrating cock ring on him while he's just laying there. Let him fucking man a dildo, let him do, I think that's, he needs to look at himself as Iron Man, you know? And he's just like.

• 1:15:33Speaker 04

  This is just a starting point.

• 1:15:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:35Speaker 04

  What can you layer on top of this?

• 1:15:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, if she wants to get his, get it, and also I think that can make him feel like he's kind of in the mix a little more. You know, instead of just laying there, cause I do think, yes.

• 1:15:48Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:15:48Stavros Halkias?

  Someone being like.

• 1:15:49Speaker 04

  It is a little masculine to be like just laid there.

• 1:15:50Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly, it's like, is that awesome every once in a while? For somebody to be like, lay back, I'll do everything, it's like, yeah, but it's also like, he might wanna fucking really, he, maybe he's sad cause he can't fuck the way he dreams of fucking.

• 1:16:04Speaker 04

  And I bet, I think that's part of it, I think he feels like he's not good at fucking, so he doesn't wanna fuck, so he's not good at fucking, so he doesn't wanna fuck. It feels like it's like a cycle.

• 1:16:11Stavros Halkias?

  It's a cycle, so, anything to get him, to get him back in the zone, I think like, yeah, let, you know, introduce him. I really look at it as like, get some, get some help, you know, with some vibrators and some fucking wild shit, get crazy with it.

• 1:16:26Speaker 04

  Yeah, cause I think a big thing with sex obviously is intimacy, it's how you're, you're connecting with your partner in a deep way that nobody else is, obviously. You know, there's like romance and stuff to it, but there's also like, sex can be vulnerable, so I think that's what.

• 1:16:39Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 1:16:39Speaker 04

  She obviously wants to get her nut, as she said, but there's also like a whole other thing that goes off the table that really can hurt relationships. I truly believe, and.

• 1:16:50Speaker 04

  You know, I've got friends who are in all kinds of poly situations right now and stuff.

• 1:16:54Stavros Halkias?

  It's tough. Not gonna work.

• 1:16:56Speaker 04

  I don't think it works.

• 1:16:57Stavros Halkias?

  It's cheating, it's like approved cheating, which is great. But I have no problem with it and.

• 1:17:02Speaker 04

  It just isn't sustainable.

• 1:17:04Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly. I don't, I don't really believe in it.

• 1:17:06Speaker 04

  I don't think you could do it.

• 1:17:07Stavros Halkias?

  Friends other than gay guys, they, tip my hat to them, they got it figured out.

• 1:17:12Speaker 04

  Whatever they did, right.

• 1:17:13Stavros Halkias?

  The gay dudes are crushing. Like, my gay friends, like, you talk to some of my gay friends about the concept of cheating and they laugh at you.

• 1:17:20Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:17:20Stavros Halkias?

  Like, it's like, like, it's the way we talk to little kids who are stressed about Santa Claus. Where they're like, cheating's not real. Like, to them, it's like, you can't cheat. It's like, anyway, whatever. But I know what you mean. It's like, so many people try and figure it out by some outside shit.

• 1:17:35Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:17:35Stavros Halkias?

  And I think, by the way, it can be fun if a couple's into that, if they wanna, if they wanna dabble, whatever, if you wanna, I've, I've said many times, my dream would be, if I marry a bi lady and every once in a while, we get to fuck a lady.

• 1:17:48Speaker 04

  Every once in a while, of course.

• 1:17:50Stavros Halkias?

  Together, as a team-building opportunity.

• 1:17:52Speaker 04

  Right, I think that's exactly it. I feel like a sexless couple, sexlessly romantic couple, I truly believe cannot survive.

• 1:18:00Stavros Halkias?

  I agree.

• 1:18:00Speaker 04

  So I think it is important. I'm glad that she's like working.

• 1:18:03Stavros Halkias?

  To be connected.

• 1:18:04Speaker 04

  I think it's important, yeah.

• 1:18:06Stavros Halkias?

  And yeah, so I think that's, yeah, be connected. And look, have I, was, I mean, I had crazy, like, a year of my life where I was addicted to every substance. I was fat as fuck, just like.

• 1:18:17Speaker 04

  What substances are we talking?

• 1:18:19Stavros Halkias?

  We're talking, I mean, mostly weed, pills.

• 1:18:22Speaker 04

  Do you still smoke weed?

• 1:18:23Stavros Halkias?

  I'll smoke a little weed. Uh, that's the one that's stuck around, but like, you know.

• 1:18:27Speaker 04

  It's the, I assume, of all the stuff, it's the least harmful.

• 1:18:32Stavros Halkias?

  Least harmful, but it just gets me in a weird.

• 1:18:34Speaker 04

  Does it lose you, does it hurt motivation and stuff?

• 1:18:37Stavros Halkias?

  Hurts motivation. I also eat like a motherfucker. And it's just so, so easy to layer stuff on top of it, like, you know, I start smoking weed to go to sleep, that's how it always starts.

• 1:18:45Speaker 04

  Sure.

• 1:18:45Stavros Halkias?

  And then I have to kinda up the ante, and that's where like Xanax or like, you know.

• 1:18:49Speaker 04

  Right, right, right.

• 1:18:50Stavros Halkias?

  And then you're just taking fucking, you know, hydrocodones and shit like that, and they're awesome. But, you know, I would be eating like shit, smoking weed, taking a couple. You know, downers. I was not an upper guy, although I would take some Adderall. I guess I did, actually. Do a little Adderall. I think that's kind of where the pills also started. It was like the balancing act. Which famously works out really well for obese comedians, upper, an upper downer combo.

• 1:19:14Speaker 04

  Works out for everybody.

• 1:19:15Stavros Halkias?

  Where everybody, dude, works out for everybody. And, uh, and I was fucking a lot because I was just, I had such an like addict's mindset. And yes, I, my dick like barely worked in those times. But it was about, so it's the, what I'm, the point I'm trying to illustrate is that it's about, I still like animalistically needed to fuck. So, you know, even if I'm just like finger popping someone, like he's got, it's, it's the will that we need to instill in him again, is basically what I'm saying. Make him feel like, because like against all like.

• 1:19:45Speaker 04

  Think of yourself as a sexual being.

• 1:19:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:19:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, he's like gotten that.

• 1:19:49Stavros Halkias?

  He thinks he's out, so anything you can do to kind of make him feel that way.

• 1:19:53Speaker 04

  Call him hard.

• 1:19:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. And that, even the like.

• 1:19:55Speaker 04

  All that stuff.

• 1:19:56Stavros Halkias?

  That's why I'm saying the like, like the, you know, vibrator shit or the like, making him feel like he's in control. And I feel like. Even if his dick and mouth doesn't work.

• 1:20:04Speaker 04

  I think a lot of men feel inadequate with vibrator stuff. So I think that's another thing to get over. Like, you know, you're, you're a couple, experiment, go nuts. It can be really, really exciting. Bring other shit in, you know, like see, see, see what works. Because we're so used to seeing now porn where it's just people fucking really hard. We don't see like all the other stuff that's, that's possible.

• 1:20:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:20:29Speaker 04

  The only thing that changes is the number of people involved, whereas one on one, really there's a.

• 1:20:33Stavros Halkias?

  Inches of dick and then the number of people.

• 1:20:36Speaker 04

  I'll tell you, man, I know that the world is in a bad place right now, but I feel porn is, it needs to calm the fuck down.

• 1:20:45Stavros Halkias?

  I kind of agree. I did, like, I stumbled upon a video of the guy with the little dick and it actually made me feel awesome.

• 1:20:51Speaker 04

  There needs to be, like, there needs to be a category on Pornhub or whatever that's like relatable.

• 1:20:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, normal dicks.

• 1:20:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally, totally.

• 1:21:02Stavros Halkias?

  But yeah, good luck. Hopefully he's busting pretty soon and you're busting. More importantly, you're also busting. But yeah, take some of what we said to heart. What else we got, little Eldis?

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• 1:22:12Speaker 06

  What's up, Stavi baby? Eldis, esteemed guest. A question for you about a very loving, but overbearing father-in-law. So my wife's parents come and stay with us periodically to help out with the kids. Most recently, they came because we were having our second kid, and so they came to stay and look after our three-year-old while we were in the hospital. My wife is giving birth.

• 1:22:36Stavros Halkias?

  That's nice.

• 1:22:37Speaker 06

  And I love them. I just want to preface this with like, they're really great people. I feel grateful for them, which makes this kind of a sensitive situation. But her dad is just like, he has no boundaries at all. He takes over the house when he comes. He won't sleep in the guest room with his wife, I guess because he snores, but the house isn't very big, and so he ends up sleeping on the couch, which means no one else can really be in there. He completely takes over the kitchen. He has like, he brings like his entire pantry. It's like canned goods, like all over the counters. And he cooks all this food. Like, it's all love, you know? He wants to like, he wants to create that

• 1:23:19Speaker 06

  family, that sense of home, but it's like, he makes food that like, no one wants to eat. Like, it's always like mystery meat and like... There is a cultural component here.

• 1:23:29Speaker 04

  Oh, here we go.

• 1:23:30Speaker 06

  They're Mexican and I love the culture and I, like I say, I love them, but like.

• 1:23:35Speaker 04

  I'll tell you this, just to hit pause, when people say, whenever you're, someone is saying, I love the culture. It's a very complicated.

• 1:23:45Speaker 04

  Yeah. You've already lost the argument.

• 1:23:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:23:48Speaker 06

  Um, but like, you know, you're eating something, there's always like a knuckle or like something in it or. He makes food, he doesn't like.

• 1:23:56Speaker 04

  Yeah, I love all cultures, but the ones who are eating fucking knuckles.

• 1:24:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:04Stavros Halkias?

  I do love, this doesn't help for me because I love the weird culture.

• 1:24:07Speaker 04

  You love a weird, I'm, I'm traditional and I'm come from a culture where we're eating knuckles and brains and all of it, you know?

• 1:24:14Stavros Halkias?

  No, I'll, I'll eat a brain, like when I go to a taco place, I like to try the, the cabeza and the fucking lengua. Give me the head and the tongue.

• 1:24:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:24:23Stavros Halkias?

  I'm interested in that.

• 1:24:24Speaker 04

  And that's what the last caller wanted to.

• 1:24:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's my, that's, that's my taco order and that's my sex order too. Give me some, give me some tongue.

• 1:24:33Speaker 04

  Tongue and head, please?

• 1:24:38Stavros Halkias?

  I'll take them both served by a Mexican lady too.

• 1:24:41Speaker 04

  I'm basically like, I'll get a chicken breast, thank you.

• 1:24:47Speaker 06

  He doesn't like cover things with syrup and wrap.

• 1:24:52Speaker 06

  And so, anyway, like the refrigerator is like so packed that like literally I can't put bottles in it. Like I'm doing 2am feedings and I, there's no space to put the bottles.

• 1:25:05Speaker 04

  I don't buy that. I don't buy there's no room to put the bottles. You just got fucking knuckles in there.

• 1:25:11Stavros Halkias?

  It feels like we're getting a little, yeah.

• 1:25:13Speaker 04

  Now you're like.

• 1:25:14Stavros Halkias?

  Into hyperbole, yeah.

• 1:25:16Speaker 06

  He broke my $200 blender and didn't say anything.

• 1:25:22Speaker 06

  He just, he always ends up like costing me money. And it's, it's, he's a very sensitive guy. And uh, if you try to like, sort of like say something to him and like kind of set a boundary, he gets like, he goes very quick to like, you're ungrateful, like, fuck you, kind of thing. Like, I've never broached that.

• 1:25:44Stavros Halkias?

  This is really.

• 1:25:45Speaker 06

  Boundary with him.

• 1:25:46Stavros Halkias?

  I know this.

• 1:25:47Speaker 06

  But I've seen other people in the family do it. Um, and so, like I say, I feel, I feel lucky to have. You know, a father in law that's like fun loving. He brought his big karaoke machine. I love that he thinks karaoke.

• 1:26:01Speaker 04

  This man is fucking practicing his Selena covers at 3am. Oh my god. Here comes father in law with his knuckle sandwiches and karaoke machine. This is the premise of an 80s movie. It really is. This is like What About Bob, but with your Mexican father in law. Harry Bradford had it perfect. Until he met Maria. Yeah, he thought he had it all. A beautiful wife. Yeah. Until he met her dad. That's exactly. Um, is there more? That's the gist. He just wants to know. I like the specificities. Are there any more specificities? No. Okay, so. Yeah.

• 1:26:41Speaker 04

  Okay, this is interesting. Um, I mean, we both have experience with foreign fathers. We both have them. What's you, what's yours? Uh, yeah, my father in law, well, I'm, I'm, my family's Alban, my family's Albanian. So, you know. Yeah, all three of us have dads that were born in other country. You were all, you were born. What's the, what's Albanian food? Uh, it's like a mix of like, uh, Mediterranean and Turkish. Kabobs and stuff. Dirt porridge, uh, goat shit souffles, kind of that sort of stuff. Fish.

• 1:27:20Speaker 04

  There's like boudak. There's like a lot of. There's what? Oh, boudak is great. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's, that's always a staple. The pastry, you're all making like savory pastries? Yep, yep, yep. I love cultures that fuck with savory pastries. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can tell, you could, yeah. Um, but so I, I know exact, this guy, his father in law, I really have a picture. You know this guy is like, it's, I know Greek guys like this. Like my dad's not like this because he would never be this helpful. But he would be annoyed if you ever asked him, set a boundary or anything, you know? And so. Yeah, that's so true. Boundaries, I'll tell you, are such an American thing. Yeah. People here. Greek people. Love boundaries. Foreign families don't have them.

• 1:28:05Stavros Halkias?

  There are no boundaries, even like if I run into someone who's Pakistani, they're like asking me for favors. Where I'm like, I met you thirty seconds ago.

• 1:28:12Speaker 04

  I, I know, it's like, I've been stuck doing favors for a friend of a friend. And it's like, I have like, I have friends who are, there's a degree of how foreign you are. And I have Greek people who are real Greek and who are just like, oh yeah, and like, you know, my friend you've never met. We're gonna be in a car with them for nine hours. It's like, oh, nice, you know? Or I mean dude, our fucking, when we are, are, we love her so much, one of our best friends. But she had a friend from Cyprus just stay in our apartment for what? How long was that motherfucker there?

• 1:28:40Stavros Halkias?

  I think that was like eight weeks.

• 1:28:41Speaker 04

  Eight weeks, bro? It was great.

• 1:28:44Stavros Halkias?

  That is so long.

• 1:28:45Speaker 04

  It was nuts.

• 1:28:46Stavros Halkias?

  That was the length of my Broadway runs and it was, that shit lasted forever. I had a great time, but.

• 1:28:53Speaker 04

  Yeah, it was, uh, it, yeah, it was fucking insane, but yeah, that's foreign shit.

• 1:28:59Stavros Halkias?

  It's hard to say, we all, that, that is foreign shit.

• 1:29:03Speaker 04

  Yeah, and it was, it was never like, my friend staying here eight weeks, it was like, no. It was like, hey, he's gonna crash on the couch for like a week. And then it was like, oh, he's, oh, the place he was getting fell through.

• 1:29:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:13Speaker 04

  And then it was like, well, I'm leaving for three weeks, so he's just gonna take my room. And it's like, okay, you know, it's just.

• 1:29:18Stavros Halkias?

  And this is just like when Emily and I were dating early on and I talk about my parents, she's like, well, just talk to them about it. I was like, you do not understand. What are you?

• 1:29:28Speaker 04

  What do you mean?

• 1:29:29Stavros Halkias?

  That does not, we don't, we literally do not have words for that.

• 1:29:34Stavros Halkias?

  In Urdu, there's no word for boundary. There's a word for border, we got that, we need that.

• 1:29:41Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:29:42Stavros Halkias?

  But Emily has now understood after like almost two decades, like, all right, there are certain things you just cannot talk to your parents about.

• 1:29:51Speaker 04

  And, and look, I, I'm not even gonna, like, in certain contexts, I understand wanting to set a boundary. And then it's up to that foreign parent, if they wanna see it from your side or not. And you decide how close you wanna be with them. This doesn't feel like one of those, right? Like, I've definitely had that issue with my, you know, I've talked about on the show, like, me and my dad have had, like, I tried to set some boundaries and he never got all the way there, but recently, he's just made this much progress.

• 1:30:21Stavros Halkias?

  Which is huge.

• 1:30:21Speaker 04

  And to me, that's good enough, right?

• 1:30:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, cuz you understand how hard he had to try to get there.

• 1:30:27Speaker 04

  To even get there, right. And, and, but look, that's also my dad. It's not in the context of a family. It's not in the context of him doing any favors. You are this guy's son-in-law. Also, when he's there, it sounds like he's doing you favors.

• 1:30:41Stavros Halkias?

  No, he's trying to be nice, yeah.

• 1:30:43Speaker 04

  But also, it's like, they're there for childcare, aren't they? Aren't they, they're there for like-

• 1:30:46Stavros Halkias?

  They are.

• 1:30:49Stavros Halkias?

  What he's describing, sounds a lot like what my grandma was like, cuz she lived with us and she was like, doing a ton of housework. She's doing like, a ton of shit that, uh, you know, no one else could really do, or had time to do, or whatever. And she was like, helping raise us. But there was also like, she's just in her own little world. She's on autopilot. She ain't learning new shit. She's not gonna learn how to not do whatever she's doing, that you know she's like, breaking the washing machine once every two years. You're like, I can't prove that it was her, but you know she said some shit wrong or something.

• 1:31:24Speaker 04

  Of course, of course.

• 1:31:24Stavros Halkias?

  She used to take like, our nice knives and like, scrape ice off the stairs when like-

• 1:31:29Speaker 04

  She's like, where's the de-djuing setting? All the Albanian washing machines have them.

• 1:31:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:37Stavros Halkias?

  Literally ethnic cleansing.

• 1:31:45Stavros Halkias?

  He said, break the blender. My grandma like, broke shit and fucked shit up all the time. And she thought she was just like, helping out, but it's like-

• 1:31:51Speaker 04

  I kinda know what you mean.

• 1:31:52Stavros Halkias?

  You're not supposed to like-

• 1:31:53Speaker 04

  She's putting like, aluminum foil in the fucking, uh, microwave.

• 1:31:56Stavros Halkias?

  Microwave, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, this is, this is, I, I also was interested to hear his wife's perspective. Does he, does she think that he's overstepping? Like, is there something to be had there? Like, can she help? Set boundaries or something close to it? It's also, it's not all or nothing, right? It's not like, you could be like, hey, no more knuckle stew. We just don't like it. It's other stuff. So like, maybe little steps? I don't know. Also, I, what I would do is, I'd be like, you win. This is how it's gonna be.

• 1:32:30Speaker 04

  I do think there is, yeah, I think you're at a point where you should manage this because, first of all, how often are these people here? Is it that big a deal?

• 1:32:40Stavros Halkias?

  It sounds like he's really in it right now. He just had a new baby there. So he's really from, at the bottom of the well, you know?

• 1:32:47Speaker 04

  And like, eldest, he says like, they're here helping us with the kid, but he doesn't say they're there all the time.

• 1:32:53Stavros Halkias?

  No, they're here helping the kid, with the kid, because the kid's three and they're having another kid or just had another kid.

• 1:32:58Speaker 04

  And so, I would say, unless this guy's coming to your house and have, spending fucking six days every month or some of that shit.

• 1:33:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you gotta ride it out.

• 1:33:07Speaker 04

  If it's just like holidays or whatever, little knowing.

• 1:33:09Stavros Halkias?

  That's how I feel.

• 1:33:11Speaker 04

  And I'm not saying you can't make some progress, but you're, like, him being so, you know, these four, these fucking, like, immigrant dads do, are both, act like tough, big macho tough guys, but are the most sensitive people in the world. Like, in my experience, because it's like, no one really, like, it's like their mom coddled them and then their wife coddled them. They never had a fend for yourself.

• 1:33:35Stavros Halkias?

  They've got the veneer of macho, but really soft inside.

• 1:33:38Speaker 04

  I really think, everyone that I've met has kind of been like that.

• 1:33:40Stavros Halkias?

  That's very true. I think that's true in general for very, very guys who try to be macho, is that they're really like little boys.

• 1:33:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, and so his feelings will get hurt. And again, if this was a, a peer, if this was a coworker, if this was someone who's, you could, you know, check him on that, but this is your father-in-law who you see, what, five, who stays with you five percent of the year or whatever it is, like, if that, whatever. So I would say, instead of being like, hey, the knuckle fucking stew sucks dick, be like, hey, you know what I really like is your carne asada.

• 1:34:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah!

• 1:34:13Speaker 04

  Can you make that for me?

• 1:34:14Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, positive reinforcement.

• 1:34:16Speaker 04

  Start ordering the things you really like.

• 1:34:17Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 1:34:18Speaker 04

  You know, like, look, the sleeping on the couch thing, it's like, Whatever. Get a bigger house, brother. I don't know what to tell you.

• 1:34:26Stavros Halkias?

  Well, I don't think that'll.

• 1:34:28Speaker 04

  Yeah, right now that ain't happening.

• 1:34:31Speaker 04

  Or get a, get a, get a fucking, get a camper for him to sleep in in the driveway. Be like, dude, I got you your own fucking personal.

• 1:34:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you gotta spend it positive.

• 1:34:39Speaker 04

  It's decked out with all the shit you like. But yeah, I think you can do some stuff with the margins, but this is, this is why people are, you could have this guy and he's not helpful. Not to, not saying like, think about how much worse it could be. I know that's not always helpful because you're still, this is your experience and it sucks, but it's like, as far as like father-in-laws go.

• 1:35:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:35:01Speaker 04

  He's trying his best, some little positive reinforcement. What does your wife think? And also, you haven't even tried setting even a light boundary because he says like, he's seen it happen with other people in the family. Sometimes like father-in-laws don't respect their kids, but they might listen to like, you know.

• 1:35:21Stavros Halkias?

  I feel like this is a trap.

• 1:35:23Speaker 04

  I mean, look, I don't know. I'm not, I'm just, I'm just saying that the dynamics are different from you than the other people you've seen in the family. So you can, as long as you're coming at him from a, he's still, the thing you have to always frame these things that it's, he has all the power. He needs to feel like he's in complete control.

• 1:35:40Stavros Halkias?

  100%.

• 1:35:40Speaker 04

  And you almost have to like be grovelling and be like, hey, can you, you know, whatever? Can you do this or whatever? I have to be up tomorrow or, you know, can you, you know, I don't know. Not sleep, but I don't know what the issue is, but I don't know, man. I just think you have to kinda eat this. Especially when you think of it in the context of, you know, what are they helping you with? How long are they there? Now, if we're getting this wrong and they're there fucking three months a year.

• 1:36:07Stavros Halkias?

  It doesn't sound like it. It sounds like they're there right now because the, but the kid's there, you know? So it could be, at this point, it could be a couple of months because it's the first couple of months with a new baby.

• 1:36:15Speaker 04

  Yeah. Could also see down the line, all these people moving in together.

• 1:36:19Stavros Halkias?

  At some point, so this might be need to address more head on in the future. I don't know, but just, you know. I think you'd have a bigger place at that point if you're like moving in together.

• 1:36:29Speaker 04

  I'll just did grow up with his grandmother sleeping in the fucking living room.

• 1:36:32Stavros Halkias?

  I, I, I grew up with my grandfather.

• 1:36:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, me too. My grandma, my grandma lived in our house too.

• 1:36:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:36:38Speaker 04

  So we, yeah, we, we all have that background. So, but I think on a visit, it's more of like he gets the peacock around. He's like the guest of honor and he's never not gonna feel that way.

• 1:36:49Stavros Halkias?

  And it is obviously coming from a good place, which is why he gets hurt when you call him on it. Cause he's like, this is how I'm showing my love. So I think, understand that this is his way of showing you love. And you just have to, you know, it's the love language thing, kind of. You just have to. I think what you said about being like, I like this, I like this. That's kind of your.

• 1:37:08Speaker 04

  That's the closest thing you can get to. Cause like, yeah, that's the closest thing you get to. And look, dude, pros and cons in everything. This is, this is a sort of mixed, this is one of the mixed bags that comes with your, you know, marrying your wife. And I'm sure the pros way outweigh it. And it's like being a little annoyed at your step or your father in law ain't the worst thing in the world.

• 1:37:29Stavros Halkias?

  I think this is also like an era of chaos in your life. You just have your second baby. Just invited, man, it's like not gonna get any more crazy for the next few years.

• 1:37:38Speaker 04

  I think he's calling us in the, he's in the middle of the storm right now.

• 1:37:41Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 1:37:42Speaker 04

  I think when he's gone, you know, you'll, it's not that big a deal, but you know.

• 1:37:46Stavros Halkias?

  It's like, you know, have you, this is a, I'm preface, this is one of the worst analogies I've ever made, but you.

• 1:37:51Speaker 04

  Great.

• 1:37:52Stavros Halkias?

  But you, have you heard that call where a woman's calling because her friend is being attacked by a chimp or like a pit bull?

• 1:37:57Speaker 04

  Yes, and she's screaming.

• 1:37:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's what that is.

• 1:38:00Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:38:02Stavros Halkias?

  It's like, it's, it's literally just happening right now.

• 1:38:04Speaker 04

  I think so. But you know, if we're wrong, call back, let us know. Uh, you got something fun for us to go out on here?

• 1:38:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, let's go. Yeah, this is a question. This is fun. I love this. Solving other people's problems is so easy.

• 1:38:16Speaker 04

  It's so fun and easy. Yeah. I have no, I have no skin in the game. I have no personal experience with any of this. I'm a stunted, you know, child.

• 1:38:26Stavros Halkias?

  Baby, I love you and your podcast so much.

• 1:38:29Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 1:38:30Stavros Halkias?

  You're my thick king. Um, I had a question, not to do my own horn, but I'm pretty fucking hot.

• 1:38:38Speaker 04

  Nice.

• 1:38:38Stavros Halkias?

  Huge tits, huge great ass.

• 1:38:40Speaker 04

  Dude, you, I think she's into you too. Quiet down, Kumail. I'm listening to our caller.

• 1:38:48Speaker 04

  Please don't interrupt her, Kumail. She has huge tits, I don't want to be heard. I don't mean to cockblock you over voicemail.

• 1:38:58Speaker 04

  Go ahead, Elvis.

• 1:38:59Stavros Halkias?

  I do have eczema, like specifically in my thighs and my ass. So I just wanted to know what your perspective and the esteemed guest's

• 1:39:08Stavros Halkias?

  opinion would be on like if you're hooking up with a girl and it sort of looks like, I don't know, rash or something on her ass. Like, I don't want to freak anyone out, but like, I have a hot body, I want to show it off.

• 1:39:20Speaker 04

  Of course.

• 1:39:21Stavros Halkias?

  But I don't want anybody to think I'm like diseased. It's just a skin condition that I can't cure. Yeah, so what would you do if you're hooking up with a girl and, and you see she's got some eczema? Otherwise, 10 out of 10, well, maybe 8 out of 10, depending on the city I'm in, but I just wanted to know what your opinion was as a, as a guy.

• 1:39:43Speaker 04

  Eczema.

• 1:39:44Stavros Halkias?

  Thanks so much, babes. Love you.

• 1:39:45Speaker 04

  I said, you really are tackling like the entire spectrum of fraud.

• 1:39:52Speaker 04

  From like my, my grand, my father-in-law's making knuckles stew to, uh, eczema on a hot ass. I mean, this is, this is so like how much women are just mentally tortured in our society. It's like, this is a beautiful woman who's like, has a skin condition. Now, the only thing that I could think of that, that takes out of the realm of, like, if she had eczema on like her arm or some shit, I'd be like, shut the fuck up. No one cares. It's just totally in your head. The ass thing, the only thing I'll say is like, if you, if it could possibly read as an STD, that's the only negative I can come up with, right? Cause it's like, how rashy does it look? I don't, eczema, I feel like. Eczema can go. It's a lot. Yeah, I could go pretty far.

• 1:40:37Speaker 04

  Lot of different ways. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I don't know. I mean, I don't even exactly in my head know what that just like reddish flaky skin. Is that kind of what it is?

• 1:40:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, but image search eczema, it can get fairly, I assume if she's dealing with it, then it's something, if she's so concerned about, but also you're right, we've really done a number on women.

• 1:40:58Speaker 04

  It's crazy, because it's like, basically you're saying like a minor skin condition and everything else is, you know.

• 1:41:03Stavros Halkias?

  Truly one of the most minor conditions you can have in life.

• 1:41:06Speaker 04

  And so many people have it. I'm seeing, there's like a spectrum, some stuff looks really gross. I think for me it would come down to like, the texture, like, can you feel it? Or is it just like redness? You know what I mean? Scaly. Because if you, if you come across like a weird scaly patch, depending on how bad it is.

• 1:41:25Stavros Halkias?

  If you close your eyes, you might, you think you're reading Braille, maybe.

• 1:41:28Speaker 04

  I'm fucking the lizard woman, which could be hot, actually, now that I think about it.

• 1:41:35Stavros Halkias?

  You gotta, where does the tail go?

• 1:41:38Speaker 04

  I think you know.

• 1:41:41Speaker 04

  I think you know where it goes.

• 1:41:43Stavros Halkias?

  It does sound pretty good, you're right.

• 1:41:45Speaker 04

  I hope it's not too big, you know, a small tail.

• 1:41:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, the sound is the tip is small. I can work up, I can work up to the base. Because see the tail's like, whoa, whoa, in there?

• 1:41:57Speaker 04

  If it's wiggling.

• 1:41:58Stavros Halkias?

  Lot of possibilities.

• 1:41:59Speaker 04

  Worst case scenario, it's tickling your nuts. Worst case scenario. This is not an issue at all. This is fucking insane. This is, you're, yeah, you've been, our beauty standards have really crushed, you know, women's self-esteem. This is nothing, I mean, poof, eczema. I mean, I'm thinking about first move to New York.

• 1:42:21Stavros Halkias?

  It's just like dandruff, right? It's just like non-head dandruff.

• 1:42:25Speaker 04

  I believe so. I think that's mostly what it is. But I also think like, you know, I guess, I'm not going to tell you because it's, I'm sure she's done the research on curing it. It feels.

• 1:42:34Stavros Halkias?

  Curable?

• 1:42:35Speaker 04

  I feel like you could get a.

• 1:42:36Stavros Halkias?

  That was the first thing I thought of too, but then, you know, the problem I have with Emily is like, she's like, I don't need you to offer a solution. I'm just listening to you. So that's why I didn't say it, but. Think that would be.

• 1:42:48Speaker 04

  Get a second opinion from a better dermatologist.

• 1:42:51Stavros Halkias?

  Go to a good derm, yeah.

• 1:42:53Speaker 04

  But no, keep, keep at it, you know, you're doing great.

• 1:42:58Speaker 04

  It's, this is a very minor thing and this would not stop me at all. I wouldn't even consider it a problem. It wouldn't even enter my mind.

• 1:43:07Stavros Halkias?

  Thank God she's human.

• 1:43:08Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, I would be, there would be too many awesome things. We're talking about those huge titties, that big ass, you seem fun, we've probably had a nice time. You think I'm gonna be like, what the hell is that? Do you need to put a little lotion on a two inch by two inch patch of your ass? You fucking disgusting, get the fuck out of my house. I'm fat as shit, I'm like, I look like this, I'm like, you got eczema bitch? I have medically rosy cheeks that will never go away.

• 1:43:38Stavros Halkias?

  Medically rosy?

• 1:43:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, I don't know what this is, but it's just, you know, it's never going, I can't grow hair here.

• 1:43:43Stavros Halkias?

  You can't, this is the beard.

• 1:43:44Speaker 04

  Yeah, I can't, this is it, baby.

• 1:43:46Stavros Halkias?

  It's a good look, though.

• 1:43:47Speaker 04

  Thank you, thank you, thank you. Yeah, I have, I'll be cherubic my whole life. So yeah, you're doing great. And look, if we can, if you need a, you know, more detail, you wanna send me a picture of your ass? So I can really know what we're looking at, for clinical reasons only. My DMs are open, as a practitioner, as a mental health practitioner. That's the thing, I have no licensing, you should not listen to anything that we say. But where the other place we differ from therapists is we will look at your nudes if you ask.

• 1:44:22Speaker 04

  And it's not unethical.

• 1:44:23Stavros Halkias?

  You'll throw in the free titty screening too.

• 1:44:25Speaker 04

  I will also do a, a visual mammogram.

• 1:44:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, any other ailments you got.

• 1:44:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, do you have, yeah, goose, goose pimples on your titty? What are those, like goose, goose bumps? Do you get goose bumps on your titties? I'll look at those too. Anyway, yeah, this is crazy.

• 1:44:45Stavros Halkias?

  Don't worry about it. He's lucky to be there, or she, whoever it is.

• 1:44:49Speaker 04

  Whoever's getting in those cheeks should have no problem.

• 1:44:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. By the way, look at this guy's head of hair, huh?

• 1:44:56Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:44:56Stavros Halkias?

  That is like, that is one of the best heads of hair I've ever seen. Wow, thank you.

• 1:45:02Speaker 04

  Look at him blush.

• 1:45:03Stavros Halkias?

  You're never gonna, your whole family, everybody's got full head of hair. My dad was bald.

• 1:45:07Speaker 04

  His dad was bald as fuck.

• 1:45:08Stavros Halkias?

  What? He had like crazy male pattern baldness.

• 1:45:10Speaker 04

  He had the most traditional male pattern baldness you could ever imagine.

• 1:45:13Stavros Halkias?

  My mom had three. Is that going back into the island and then back here, that thing?

• 1:45:16Speaker 04

  Oh, no, not even an island, the pure horseshoe.

• 1:45:19Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 1:45:19Speaker 04

  It was awesome. He had great. My dad too has that going on. He has like two hairs up here.

• 1:45:24Stavros Halkias?

  Uh huh.

• 1:45:24Speaker 04

  He, when I was a kid, he would like, when we had to go anywhere like important, he would spray his like four hairs down. It was fucking hilarious, pretending he had hair. Can you imagine somebody that pathetic?

• 1:45:38Speaker 04

  What the hell, Eldis? Why are you laughing?

• 1:45:40Stavros Halkias?

  I mean.

• 1:45:44Speaker 04

  That would be sad. What's going on up here? You like the back of the, are you looking at the background, Kumail? I saw your eyes kinda go up.

• 1:45:51Stavros Halkias?

  Back there. Oh, man, you guys are really, uh.

• 1:45:56Speaker 04

  Yes, we've mentioned it before, Eldis had to be blessed with height and a great hairline. He's too weak to live in my body. He would have crumbled under the weight of this, of this look, and so I'm happy for him.

• 1:46:08Stavros Halkias?

  It is a fucking great look.

• 1:46:09Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 1:46:09Stavros Halkias?

  It really is.

• 1:46:10Speaker 04

  I appreciate that. I appreciate it.

• 1:46:14Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think, were we wrapping it up and then you got a compliment? I think so.

• 1:46:17Stavros Halkias?

  But hey, we can keep that going.

• 1:46:19Speaker 04

  No, no, that's enough compliments.

• 1:46:21Stavros Halkias?

  It's like, holy shit.

• 1:46:22Speaker 04

  No more complimenting the employees, Kumail. That's it. You've reached your guest limit for how many Eldis compliments. You've also addressed him with respect, which I don't really like.

• 1:46:32Stavros Halkias?

  Is that, is that not standard?

• 1:46:34Speaker 04

  That's not really, you know, just cold and impersonal.

• 1:46:37Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 1:46:38Speaker 04

  From now on, it's okay. You didn't know any better.

• 1:46:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, next time. I won't talk to you. I can't look the guest in the eyes.

• 1:46:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:46:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:46:45Speaker 04

  I dock his pay every time he makes eye contact with a guest.

• 1:46:49Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, you know, we all.

• 1:46:49Speaker 04

  Depending on where their IMDb star meter is, of course.

• 1:46:51Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 1:46:52Speaker 04

  You know, certain comedians can look him in the eye, you know, some of my friends I did open mics with. You know, Patreon episodes, we were a little more lax, but the free ones with guests that have been Oscar nominated.

• 1:47:03Stavros Halkias?

  You gotta have boundaries.

• 1:47:04Speaker 04

  Absolutely not. No respect to Eldis.

• 1:47:06Stavros Halkias?

  Importance of boundaries.

• 1:47:09Speaker 04

  But that is gonna do it for the app. Kumail, thanks for coming, man.

• 1:47:12Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, thanks for having me.

• 1:47:14Speaker 04

  This is so great.

• 1:47:15Stavros Halkias?

  My talks on Hulu. I'm also in a couple of episodes of the new season of Fallout, which is also out right now.

• 1:47:20Speaker 04

  Fuck, yeah.

• 1:47:21Stavros Halkias?

  On Amazon Prime.

• 1:47:22Speaker 04

  That's awesome. Go see it. And yeah, I mean, you've been in so much great stuff. Go check out all the, I mean, you know, all the back catalog.

• 1:47:28Stavros Halkias?

  And one Marvel movie.

• 1:47:29Speaker 04

  And one Marvel movie. Exactly one.

• 1:47:34Stavros Halkias?

  Maybe the only guy to be in just one.

• 1:47:39Stavros Halkias?

  Just one for me, thank you. I will never forget that you were like, in a way, it's a blessing in disguise, right? I really think that.

• 1:47:46Speaker 04

  We can keep talking about it off, our philosophies off, off mic, but yes.

• 1:47:51Stavros Halkias?

  Listen, no complaints. I feel very, very lucky to be where, I mean, so fucking lucky.

• 1:47:55Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:47:56Stavros Halkias?

  No complaint.

• 1:47:56Speaker 04

  That totally, that totally comes through. But it is, I know, I am stupid in hindsight. But watch the special, folks, and we will talk to you next time. Bye, bye.

• 1:48:04Stavros Halkias?

  Bye.

• 1:48:19Speaker 01

  Some say Odoo business management software is like fertilizer because of the way it promotes growth. Some say Odoo is like a magic beanstalk, scaling with you while being magically affordable. And some say Odoo's programs for manufacturing, accounting, and more are like building blocks for creating a custom software suite. But I say Odoo is all of it. Fertilizer, magic beanstalk, building blocks for business. Yeah. Odoo, exactly what every business needs. Sign up at Odoo.com. That's O-D-O-O dot com.

• 1:48:49Speaker 04

  Hey, listeners, Stavi here. Thank you for tuning into Stavi's World each week. If you want to hear new episodes ad free, subscribe to Sirius XM Podcast Plus on Apple Podcasts or visit SiriusXM.com/podcastplus to listen with Spotify or another app of your choice.