#120 - Roy Wood Jr.

The great Roy Wood Jr. joins the pod to discuss his new special LONELY FLOWERS, old sitcoms, child actors, making prank calls as a radio DJ, grinding out his early comedy days, his dad not rocking with fun, and much more. Stav and Roy help callers including a man who's salty that his girlfriend was making it difficult to plan a dinner with his family, and a never Trumper who thinks his friend is a coward for not voting in the last election. Watch Roy Wood Jr.'s special LONELY FLOWERS on Hulu: https://www.hulu.com/movie/0bdefff9-def5-4e22-96d9-94fd899f0f83 Follow Roy Wood Jr. on social media: https://www.roywoodjr.com/ https://twitter.com/roywoodjr https://www.facebook.com/roywoodjr/ http://instagram.com/roywoodjr Find exactly what you're booking for on Booking.com! https://www.booking.com/ Visit https://mintmobile.com/stavvy to get a 3-month premium wireless plan for just $15/month. Get a refreshing Twisted Tea today. Keep It Twisted!! Visit https://www.twistedtea.com/locations to find Twisted Tea near you. Grow your business right now at Shopify -- no matter what stage you're in. Sign up for a $1/month trial at https://www.shopify.com/stavvy 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets 🎥 Rent or buy LET'S START A CULT at https://stavvy.biz/movie ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld ☎️ Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:26Speaker 01

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• 0:56Stavros Halkias?

  Welcome, everybody, to Stavious World. 904-800-Stav. Call in, we'll solve your problems. I'm pumped to have on the couch Roy Wood Jr. today. One of my favorites, one of the best comics. Truly, like, you have a great career and you're still underrated, in my opinion. And the special right now on Hulu, Lonely Flowers, go watch it. It's awesome. You have the CNN show, Have I Gotten Used For You, as well. A lot of places to see our boy Roy. But go check out the special, we're comedian series.

• 1:29Speaker 03

  Stream that shit, man.

• 1:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, stream it.

• 1:31Speaker 03

  Take your kid's tablet.

• 1:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, get Roblox off that shit.

• 1:35Speaker 03

  I stream that shit on my son's laptop, I don't give a shit.

• 1:39Speaker 03

  Give me your laptop, boy.

• 1:40Stavros Halkias?

  Stream it in Minecraft somehow.

• 1:42Speaker 03

  Who's blocked? You're stupid and don't know how to circumvent parental settings. I know what I'm doing, boy.

• 1:49Stavros Halkias?

  That's a good point. You should put parental controls on your kid shit just so they learn how to cheat through parental controls. If you have a kid who can't figure that out, it's tough. It's not looking good.

• 2:01Speaker 03

  Mine is getting there. He's already learned how to Google me. And then, of course, the next thing he did was Google himself.

• 2:10Stavros Halkias?

  He wants some feedback.

• 2:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, he said, "I Googled Roy Wood Jr. kid."

• 2:17Speaker 03

  And I go, and I go, did you like what you found? He goes, yeah, it was some nice pictures.

• 2:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 2:23Speaker 03

  But I was a little younger then, and I go, good.

• 2:27Speaker 03

  Good, keeping you off of the internet.

• 2:29Stavros Halkias?

  That's so funny. Yeah, I mean, it just really feels like we're cooked in terms of kids and the internet. Your son's gonna have like, a robot girlfriend. Like, it's like, they're gonna be like, they're gonna make things where you could just like, I mean, her and like, the Blade Runner. And by the way, if you get a girlfriend that looks like Anadarmus, I would sign up. You know what I mean? Like, even though it's...

• 2:53Speaker 03

  I would want him to have like, one of those Ex Machina.

• 2:55Stavros Halkias?

  I'm sorry, bro, it's coming. I know you don't want it.

• 2:59Speaker 03

  I would be so embarrassed if my son dated a robot.

• 3:03Speaker 03

  Show you some of these white girls.

• 3:06Stavros Halkias?

  And that's, that's the march of progress.

• 3:09Speaker 03

  Yeah. A black man would bring home a respect of a white woman. Not one of these goddamn robots.

• 3:16Speaker 03

  When I was your age, you brought home a black, you brought a black woman, and then after you got tired of that, you bring him a white woman and disappoint your mom.

• 3:25Stavros Halkias?

  Your mother's crying. She's in there, she's in there, she found, she found motor oil all over your pants. She knows how that got, you don't have a car, she knows how that WD-40 got there.

• 3:37Speaker 03

  You know what, you know what television sitcom does not stand out?

• 3:41Stavros Halkias?

  What's that?

• 3:42Speaker 03

  I caught a glimpse of it down a Reddit rabbit hole.

• 3:45Stavros Halkias?

  Uh huh.

• 3:45Speaker 03

  Small Wonder.

• 3:47Stavros Halkias?

  Small Wonder doesn't hold up.

• 3:49Speaker 03

  Small Wonder was a sitcom about a robot, about a teenage robot.

• 3:54Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yes.

• 3:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, the zany adventures of a suburban family, their next door neighbors, and an innovation, an innovative robot.

• 4:03Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting, interesting, yeah.

• 4:04Speaker 03

  And it was like, it was like a ten year old that's a robot, and then like, the dad, and it's like, but I watch it now, and I'm just like, knowing what we know about, just creep motherfuckers.

• 4:15Stavros Halkias?

  What's gonna happen at the instant a robot exists?

• 4:18Speaker 03

  Like, it's like...

• 4:18Stavros Halkias?

  You can't make it a kid.

• 4:19Speaker 03

  It's the, it's the one, it's the one sitcom that is for sure reboot proof.

• 4:28Speaker 03

  Cause today's technology on robots combined with the loneliness of Ben and the creepiness of pedophilia. That sitcom would take a left turn.

• 4:37Stavros Halkias?

  A hundred percent.

• 4:38Speaker 03

  Very fast.

• 4:39Stavros Halkias?

  It would be like, hey dad, why is this your life's work? And you know what? You would hear an argument from the pedophile scientist who's like, look, you want me to fuck kids or you want me to fuck kid robots?

• 4:53Speaker 03

  I gotta get it out of my system somehow.

• 4:56Stavros Halkias?

  You know what though? That's maybe how we'll have robot breakthroughs. If we, if we charged, we're like, look, you guys get to make kid robots, but you also gotta make the adult versions that are good for the rest of us? We will have that techno, those shitty like Tesla robots that don't do shit? Those are gone in a month if we tell pedophiles they can figure out, they can fuck children robots.

• 5:23Speaker 03

  If this, if this show was done today, it would be a dialogue and discourse about the age of consent.

• 5:31Stavros Halkias?

  It would, it would easily become.

• 5:33Speaker 03

  Hilarious hijinks.

• 5:34Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right, right. And at the same time, they'd be slipping on stuff and yeah, I don't remember, I know Small Wonder purely as a, as a punchline about weird shitty old sitcoms. I'd never watched it.

• 5:48Speaker 03

  I watched it for a quick bit, maybe a season. I was of that punky Brewster era.

• 5:53Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 5:53Speaker 03

  So, you know, rebellious, you know, Macaulay Culkin, like any rebellious white kid.

• 5:59Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 6:00Speaker 03

  Cause that was like every black kid's dream was to talk shit. To authority.

• 6:05Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right, right, right, right.

• 6:06Speaker 03

  Fucking Different Strokes, these motherfuckers, the slick mouth?

• 6:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 6:11Speaker 03

  To Mr. Drummond?

• 6:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Different Strokes is like, let's make the subtext the text. And it's like just black kids get to live, get to directly mouth off to the rich white people instead of just pretend they're Richie Rich.

• 6:25Speaker 03

  The funniest shit about Different Strokes, I miss sitcom openings.

• 6:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 6:30Speaker 03

  Where the opening of the sitcom, I love theme songs to sitcoms, but I used to love how sitcom openings, like the video they would show, would essentially tell the premise of the show.

• 6:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, yes.

• 6:40Speaker 03

  So no matter where you fall in the show, yeah, you're caught up, you know what this is. In the Different Strokes opening sequence, the song is great, but the opening sequence is Mr. Drummond riding around in a limo. And he just keeps looking out a window, looking at the window.

• 6:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 6:55Speaker 03

  And then he just looks and he just sees two black kids playing basketball in the hood. I mean, fucking waves.

• 7:03Speaker 03

  Fucking Todd Bridges and Gary Coleman go scurrying into the limo. And he drives off. Like, what the fuck is this show about? It's just a white dude pulling up on broke niggas.

• 7:19Stavros Halkias?

  Come on, no chance of getting sex trafficked, that's for sure.

• 7:23Speaker 03

  Bro, they didn't ask no question, because in the song, it doesn't establish like.

• 7:28Stavros Halkias?

  That it's an adoption, that it's a whole thing, yeah.

• 7:30Speaker 03

  Lyrics is established, but when you're watching it, I was, I was microdosing.

• 7:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 7:37Speaker 03

  Then he's a man, oh damn, he's a man, but a long came to.

• 7:43Speaker 03

  They acknowledge the legal adoption process within the lyrics.

• 7:46Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right, right, but visually.

• 7:48Speaker 03

  But visually, it just looks like a fucking rich white man picking up young black boys.

• 7:54Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, small wa- yeah, we were working on some, it was really, it was really like, it's like, of course, all of Hollywood is pedophile. Look at, look at the, the proof was in front of us the whole time. All the shows just did it outright.

• 8:09Speaker 03

  Punky Brewster was an older man.

• 8:13Speaker 03

  Punky told that black friend of yours to start vertical.

• 8:18Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, yeah, I caught a little bit of Punky, but you were a big sitcom kid?

• 8:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, oh yeah, I was huge, bro. I, I watched all the things. Only thing I didn't really rock with was Saved by the Bell.

• 8:28Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 8:28Speaker 03

  Not that I hated it, it just didn't, I don't know, I always found school boring.

• 8:33Stavros Halkias?

  Well, it might be a generational thing too, because you're a little, you're like.

• 8:36Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm forty-six.

• 8:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, you're like ten years older than me, and so I remember, so your, your fantasy of like mouthing off. I was watching, because yeah, school sucks when you're actually in high school, but when you're a little ass kid, when you're a little fat kid and you're like, damn. Zack gets all the bitches, everybody loves. Loves him. When I go to fucking high school, I'm gonna be like zap. That was, that was the fantasy they're selling. It's for like young, it's for like, you know, eight year olds to be like, that's what school's gonna be like, and I'm gonna be fucking awesome.

• 9:09Speaker 03

  Did um, just Dustin Diamond's character ever get laid? Like, did he get some ass at any point?

• 9:14Stavros Halkias?

  I don't believe.

• 9:15Speaker 04

  I think Lisa like threw him a bone and kissed him on one episode. Cause he was, he was obsessed with Lisa.

• 9:22Stavros Halkias?

  But even that was like pathetic.

• 9:24Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 9:25Speaker 03

  I know Urkel, you know, Urkel had to transform.

• 9:28Stavros Halkias?

  At the end though, but at the end it was uh, she did like him for him, right? Wasn't that the?

• 9:33Speaker 03

  I don't know.

• 9:34Stavros Halkias?

  Cause I, this is how, this is the age I am. I watched, I was invested in the end of Family Matters as it was going off the air. Like I remember late period Family Man Matters, post Urkel, you know, first, post Stefan Urkel, when Urkel was like, when it was clearly like, you know, uh, you know, um, who's the actor that plays him? I'm forgetting, I'm blanking on, Jaleel White. When he was like, you know, you gotta show that I'm not a fucking loser. I can also fucking like, you know,

• 10:05Speaker 03

  I'm reading his memoir right now.

• 10:09Stavros Halkias?

  You really are a learned man.

• 10:11Speaker 03

  That was my fucking character. And I got a lot of respect for Jaleel just as an actor and as a human being, but like, he really breaks down in that book how it was his mom that was like defending him and making sure that like, he didn't get fucked over like, I'm paraphrasing how he said it, but he basically said, nobody ever tried to fuck me.

• 10:35Speaker 03

  That's not how he said it. But basically his mother, his mom did a great job of protecting him from the demons and the evils of Hollywood and whatever comes with being a child celebrity. And like for all of the stuff that was in that book, the thing that I found most interesting so far is that he breaks down what really happened with Judy Winslow.

• 10:54Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, really?

• 10:54Speaker 03

  Cause you know, everybody jokes like, oh dude, Judy Winslow went upstairs and started doing porn.

• 11:01Speaker 03

  It was the tutoring according in his book, according to him, like if you're, I didn't know this.

• 11:07Stavros Halkias?

  You have to go to school, right?

• 11:09Speaker 03

  You have to go to school as a kid actor. You have to spend three hours a day on set learning shit. If you start flunking, they have to fire you from the show.

• 11:18Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 11:20Speaker 03

  Nigga just wasn't doing her homework.

• 11:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. I got a sneaking suspicion if Urkel was flunking, they'd figure something out.

• 11:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it's like, look, you're a, you're a, you're on the line, character. You gotta learn algebra, bitch. You can't, you're not important enough to fucking to, to, to like for us to look the other way. You're not the starting wide receiver. You're the reserve left tackle. All right, you'll get cut before we cheat for you.

• 11:47Speaker 03

  We need you in the film room watching tape. I don't wanna watch tape. All right, go upstairs real quick. And action.

• 11:56Speaker 03

  And that was it, man. But it's, it's really, I mean, it's Jamie Foxx worth story to tell, but it's a very interesting dichotomy of just how having two different types of parents on set dictated their trajectories to totally different directions. I don't know, that part of like watching old sitcoms now that have children, knowing what you know, what the business does to most children. It's hard to watch some of them because it's like, fuck, that kid probably just, like when you watch Home Improvement, I don't remember which one is the one that's always beating on women.

• 12:32Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 12:32Speaker 03

  But, but one of the kids, one of the Tool Time kids.

• 12:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 12:37Speaker 03

  Really likes to punch women.

• 12:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 12:41Speaker 03

  And so when I go back, I, I can't watch the sitcom.

• 12:43Stavros Halkias?

  No, most, it's like, it's like watching like a movie from the seventies where it's like, that had like a, you know, it's like watching like, not even from the seventies, any movie with like animals in it, like I bet you, like Homeward Bound, it's like, oh yeah, they killed 12 golden retrievers. Getting that shot where he has to jump over the train tracks. It's like, it's just like, watching old sitcoms with any kids, it's like, dog, you don't wanna know what had to be done. Like, that's what I think, especially the real old shit.

• 13:10Speaker 03

  Dumbo drop. You know they were beating the shit out of that elephant.

• 13:15Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely dude.

• 13:16Speaker 03

  Danny Glover and Ray Liotta cussing at L.

• 13:19Stavros Halkias?

  Turner and Hooch, you know how many fucking dogs they went through, man? Tom Hanks strangled one himself for not cooperating. Yeah dude, it's so fucked up.

• 13:30Speaker 03

  Old shit, I was watching, um, I went down a rabbit hole of sitcom theme songs. And I don't know if there is a song more sad, or pull the lyrics up for me, just so we can read.

• 13:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 13:46Speaker 03

  WKRP in Cincinnati.

• 13:48Stavros Halkias?

  Okay. Sorry, which? WKRP.

• 13:51Speaker 03

  In Cincinnati lyrics. This shit reads like a suicide. And it's for one of the most hilarious sitcoms of all time. If you ever wondered, whatever happened to me, I'm living on the air in Cincinnati, Cincinnati WKRP. Got kinda tired of packing and unpacking, town to town, up and down the dial.

• 14:15Stavros Halkias?

  How the fuck, by the way, Ellis has never done this, you know this.

• 14:19Speaker 03

  Were never meant to be, but maybe think of me once in a while. You sad fuck.

• 14:26Stavros Halkias?

  So it's a guy who's on, who, who got, who took a job in Cincinnati to be like the local, you know, weatherman or whatever.

• 14:33Speaker 03

  He's a radio DJ. And now I'm in a weird city, but damn, I had to leave the woman.

• 14:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 14:38Speaker 03

  Then he goes.

• 14:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 14:40Speaker 03

  Heading up the highway, leaving you behind, was the hardest thing, mind you, this song is nothing about what the fuck the show is about.

• 14:47Stavros Halkias?

  Does this ever come up in the show?

• 14:48Speaker 03

  No.

• 14:52Stavros Halkias?

  There's no character who left his wife?

• 14:54Speaker 03

  He never talks to her, he's at the radio station fucking off with everybody else. Heading up the highway, leaving you behind, hardest thing I ever had to do. Broke my heart in two, but baby, pay no mind, the price for finding me was losing you.

• 15:11Stavros Halkias?

  Oh my god, that's so fucking funny.

• 15:14Speaker 03

  It's fucking sad.

• 15:15Stavros Halkias?

  "I had to lose you. Memories helped me hide my lonesome feeling. Far away from you and feeling low. It's getting late, my friend, my love, I miss you so. Take good care of you, I gotta go."

• 15:25Speaker 03

  That's when the pills hit. The pills are hitting in that verse. "It's getting late. I love you so."

• 15:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 15:34Speaker 03

  One of the greatest sitcom theme songs of all time.

• 15:36Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking awesome.

• 15:37Speaker 03

  But one of the saddest fucking, geez.

• 15:40Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah, that is fucking hilarious, because they probably just were like, they gave some musician, they're like, alright, it's about a guy who's moving to Cincinnati to be on the radio. He's like, "I got it."

• 15:51Stavros Halkias?

  "Don't say another word. I fucking got it, baby."

• 15:54Speaker 03

  "Revolver in my hand and I spin in the cylinder. Thinking of you as I play Russian roulette."

• 16:02Stavros Halkias?

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• 16:42Stavros Halkias?

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• 17:23Stavros Halkias?

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• 18:08Stavros Halkias?

  You were, you know, radio, you were fucking ra- you have an awesome career. You have like truly, I feel like you're like, uh, one of the last of the Mohicans in terms of like how to come up through like, radio, road work through the south, like it's, you were a DJ for a long time, weren't you?

• 18:27Speaker 03

  Twelve years while I was still doing the road.

• 18:30Stavros Halkias?

  That's like a classic, that's a throwback guy is the guy who did stand-up and morning radio. That's crazy.

• 18:37Speaker 03

  Was within five hours of Birmingham, I drove home after the gig to be on air the next morning.

• 18:44Speaker 03

  Cause I didn't want to lose the job. And for context, I'm 21, 22 when they start.

• 18:51Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 18:51Speaker 03

  So you got the metabolism for that and you're excited and you're fucking surviving on cherry coke and Skittles at three in the morning. Fighting those.

• 19:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 19:02Speaker 03

  Taking truck stop speed pills.

• 19:06Speaker 03

  The most unregulated shit. I hope RFK does clean up some of this. The shit I was putting in my body was not.

• 19:15Stavros Halkias?

  Not good, bro.

• 19:16Speaker 03

  Like, the packaging was just weird. Like, this is before.

• 19:20Stavros Halkias?

  Talking late nineties?

• 19:22Speaker 03

  Early two thousands, oh one.

• 19:24Stavros Halkias?

  Oh one.

• 19:25Speaker 03

  Oh one through about twenty fifteen is my radio era while doing other shit. But like, this is the beginning of energy drinks and Red Bull and Five Hour.

• 19:35Stavros Halkias?

  The bleeding edge.

• 19:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:37Stavros Halkias?

  When they were putting whatever in there.

• 19:38Speaker 03

  When it was like, make your hands tremble.

• 19:40Stavros Halkias?

  I remember Four Local, that was our college years.

• 19:42Speaker 03

  It was so like that shit, and they used to have these fucking pills at these truck stops. And I don't know if it's called Stay Woke or something.

• 19:51Stavros Halkias?

  It had Black Panther packaging, Stay Woke.

• 19:56Speaker 03

  Before George Floyd.

• 20:00Speaker 03

  It was like, like the package was like a stick of dynamite. Holding a thunderbolt.

• 20:05Stavros Halkias?

  Love that, dude.

• 20:07Speaker 03

  And I would take three of those.

• 20:08Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, probably just speed in there.

• 20:10Speaker 03

  And hop back in my Ford Focus and get to the station in time to do mornings. And that was the life, man. Radio was wild, though. Cause I'd go back and listen to some of the prank calls I did. And I was like, I was just fucking hungry, bro. I didn't even mean it.

• 20:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 20:26Speaker 03

  The shit I said to people.

• 20:29Speaker 03

  Cause like the TikTokers have gotten a hold of some of my Vault stuff. Like, my stuff has always been like, so when I first started doing pranks, I gave them away for free.

• 20:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 20:39Speaker 03

  I put them on my website.

• 20:39Stavros Halkias?

  And by the way, again, that's what I'm talking about. You have like a, like you, you almost have like a Vaudeville career. Where it was like, radio prank calls.

• 20:51Stavros Halkias?

  Cause it's like, I remember, we remember that era of like, you know, we're talking Jerky Boys. We're talking like, every like, uh, you know, you'd have like, albums would have like prank interstitials.

• 21:01Speaker 03

  Comedy and hip hop had a relationship.

• 21:03Stavros Halkias?

  Had it all, yeah, absolutely. There would be skits on every, on every like big rap album would have like three. Pieces of sketch comedy.

• 21:11Speaker 03

  Masterpiece Make 'Em Say Uh opens with a prank phone call to No Limit Studios.

• 21:18Stavros Halkias?

  Right, it was culturally very big.

• 21:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, so like that, that made me money though, man. I sold those CDs.

• 21:24Stavros Halkias?

  Really, that's awesome.

• 21:25Speaker 03

  I would print, bro, I would.

• 21:26Stavros Halkias?

  So that was like your merch?

• 21:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:28Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow.

• 21:29Speaker 03

  I could never think of a joke to put on a shirt.

• 21:31Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 21:31Speaker 03

  I would take, I had an HP desktop fifty-five fifty.

• 21:35Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah, dude.

• 21:36Speaker 03

  And I would pack that bitch in my Focus. And I would spend all day in the hotel burning greenback CDs.

• 21:42Stavros Halkias?

  You would burn your own prank CDs?

• 21:44Speaker 03

  And they had the label stomper, where you could stomp that bitch.

• 21:48Stavros Halkias?

  You fucking did your own labels?

• 21:49Speaker 03

  I did.

• 21:50Stavros Halkias?

  So you're in a fucking Holiday Inn Express?

• 21:52Speaker 03

  Just making dope all day.

• 21:55Stavros Halkias?

  You brought your fucking desktop on the road to burn CDs?

• 21:59Speaker 03

  No, I had a Dell finally.

• 22:00Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, okay.

• 22:01Speaker 03

  Dell Inspire eighty-one hundred with the wood grain heel rest. Laptops used to have, fuck, I'm old. Laptops used to have customizable heel rest where you could pop them in and out. I'm not bullshitting, I had a wood grain fucking laptop, oh, bitch.

• 22:17Stavros Halkias?

  You had the wood grain?

• 22:18Speaker 03

  I had a Dell Inspire eighty-one hundred with the wood grain heel rest. And I would just fucking make CDs all day and sell them shits.

• 22:25Stavros Halkias?

  That's awesome.

• 22:26Speaker 03

  And, you know, I'm, it, it's, it's cool that a lot of that old shit that I've forgotten about. And I, I stopped, I stopped doing pranks in oh-eight, oh-seven. When I moved to LA, I stopped doing them because I didn't want to be known as the prank haul guy.

• 22:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 22:43Speaker 03

  And it was starting to.

• 22:45Stavros Halkias?

  I get that.

• 22:46Speaker 03

  Because they were good, but it was like, nah, I want to do other shit. So I just never, I never sold another CD, pulled all the shit off iTunes at the time.

• 22:53Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right. And it's long enough, it's far enough in the past, whereas before everything was automatically digitized, that it's kind of easy for it to stay hidden. Whereas, you know, if you do a podcast, for example, in your, or mid twenties, when you're saying wild shit, that's there forever, you know, like.

• 23:11Speaker 03

  But, I mean, but like, people started finding the old pranks, and I gotta give it up to a lot of these TikTokers that would just, folks have just put my shit on YouTube, watched YouTube game traction over the years. And then TikTokers would take this shit off YouTube, and then pull that up, and then they put it, I, I'll never do another prank haul. I don't even retweet, well, I don't even think people know it's me.

• 23:31Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 23:31Speaker 03

  Half the time.

• 23:32Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 23:32Speaker 03

  Which to me is still kind of cool.

• 23:33Stavros Halkias?

  That's all, that's even cooler, it's like.

• 23:35Speaker 03

  You're just laughing at some shit, and I'm just going, yeah, I was like crazy on the phone, man.

• 23:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. No, believe me, I wish that would happen with Cum Town.

• 23:44Speaker 03

  I wish people would be like, oh, that fat guy that's laughing. I wonder who that is. Actually, my laugh would instantly give me away, no matter what. But I think we, I think we're at a point societally with comedy where in terms of the retroactive cancel. Oh, yeah. That we're in a different place. Totally, yeah. You can understand comedy matches the times of what, and I know this because I have a degree in journalism and I've flunked mass media law three times. You flunked it three times, so the third. I've flunked it three times. The third time's the charm. What is decent or indecent is decided by the listening public at large within the region of the material being broadcast. Oh, interesting. So, the same way some radio station could play a fart sound. Right.

• 24:28Speaker 03

  Like if it's Bubba the Love Sponge. Right, right, right. Classic Opie and Anthony. Like, you took half the shit Opie and Anthony did on the East Coast. Right. And that was terrestrial radio. Yeah. They never got a complaint for real. They never got taken off the air, right? Yeah. If you take any O and A segment and you drop that in Tupelo, Mississippi on a gospel station. Right. They're gonna catch a strike. That station would catch a strike from the FCC, 100K fine. That makes sense. So, most of what we were doing at the time just fell in line with, yeah, I wanna use some racial slurs to yell at you to get you to cuss me out. Yeah. And it's gonna be funny. Sounds great. But it's just the idea of anger. Totally.

• 25:11Speaker 03

  If I can trigger you into being angry at me, yuck, yuck, yuck. That's all Jackass was. For sure. Jackass was just triggering people into being. Yeah. I'm trying to elicit a reaction. Yeah. Whatever I can say to get that is fair game. Yeah, Eric Andre's pranks. Yeah, but at the end of it, you know, and I don't think Eric shows all of that within his show, but at the end of all of these, these pranks, you go to the person, like, hey, it's cool, cool. Every prank that I've done, at the end, the person's laughing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, it's like, there's a.

• 25:41Stavros Halkias?

  Well, no, it's also-

• 25:42Speaker 03

  There was a degree of reverence in what we did, but it's just not something I ever wanted to go back and do over and over again.

• 25:46Stavros Halkias?

  Of course, and also I think there's the thing of like, it's not only just the time period, but it's also like the time in someone's life. Like prank calls is a young man's game. You know what I mean? Like saying the wildest shit you can think of on a podcast is a young man's game. Like, like, and that's, I think every generation goes through that. Everyone loves prank calls. Everyone, when they're fucking thirteen, calls someone and says, can I have a pussy burger? You know what I mean? Like you call like the, the carryout and you're like, uh, I want some jizz fries. And then you fuck it, not, I'm not saying that's what you did, but I'm just saying like, it's a natural thing.

• 26:23Speaker 03

  But this is the same.

• 26:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 26:24Speaker 03

  I called a hotel once. So what I learned from being on the road is that I learned how to call directly to hotel rooms. Without circumvent the front desk.

• 26:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 26:34Speaker 03

  Not even need to know the person's name on the room.

• 26:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 26:37Speaker 03

  So I get back to the radio station and I would call a hotel room and just, I would, I would act like I'm fucking.

• 26:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 26:56Speaker 03

  And then call the room pretending that I'm next door.

• 27:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 27:01Speaker 03

  And asking them if it's a lot of condom under the door.

• 27:06Speaker 03

  You ain't got no rubbers over there, dude.

• 27:10Speaker 03

  Put a rubber.

• 27:10Stavros Halkias?

  I'm in three oh two.

• 27:17Speaker 03

  I can't do that at forty six.

• 27:18Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, no, but it's still funny. It still holds, and like-

• 27:22Speaker 03

  I'm forty six. You can't behave like that. That's why I love seeing, like, in, in case in point, that's why I feel like, even with sketch humor, there's a maturity cycle that we all go through.

• 27:35Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 27:36Speaker 03

  And it's like five to seven years. There's like a five to seven year window where sketch comedy got you.

• 27:44Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 27:45Speaker 03

  That's your fucking guy.

• 27:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 27:47Speaker 03

  That's your, it's Will Ferrell era.

• 27:49Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 27:49Speaker 03

  SNL. For me, it was that and In Living Color. That was my peak sketch era, which is what makes Chappelle such an anomaly.

• 27:57Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 27:58Speaker 03

  But I think part of what Chappelle did was a lot of longer form sketches. So stylistically, it was a new way to consume.

• 28:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 28:05Speaker 03

  Fucking shit, but.

• 28:06Stavros Halkias?

  That's interesting, because I think, I think he had a lot of windows in that. Yeah, it, there was like, he, there was so much cultural significance. He also called the DVD. The box set DVD wave of like, and there was like a few box sets of my generation that's like. Those, and that might be the one, honestly. I mean, there's also, uh, Family Guy's first, when Fox took them off the air. That's why they got back on was because of like box sets.

• 28:32Speaker 03

  DVD sales and then Adult Swim was like, alright, we'll put it on. But it was only off the strength of the secondary market. But I, I feel like that's why, if you notice, even with.

• 28:44Speaker 03

  I can't, I'm trying to think of a minute, because I'm trying to say this with respect, it's not a diss.

• 28:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 28:50Speaker 03

  When you think of like sketch, internet sketch artists or performers now, right?

• 28:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 28:58Speaker 03

  No matter who you love that does a funny thing on the internet, on their channel, and it's so funny. They've got five to seven years before you, as a consumer.

• 29:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 29:13Speaker 03

  Your take, your, your palate changes.

• 29:15Stavros Halkias?

  For sure, for sure.

• 29:16Speaker 03

  Your comedic palate changes, and it doesn't mean that that person isn't funny anymore. They have to figure out a way to evolve to get the next generation that's growing into them.

• 29:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Or to like, or to grow with their, grow with their fanbase.

• 29:29Speaker 03

  And the ones who don't grow with their fanbase to create new content that addresses their palate shift, you know, they're fucked.

• 29:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 29:37Speaker 03

  Because then they go, why are you still doing that?

• 29:38Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, they're like, remember? Yeah, it's like, yeah, it's like, they're just doing movies from, they're doing quote, they do stand up. And they do quotes from the movies they were in in nineteen ninety-four. You know what I mean? It's like. And you guys can put together maybe a couple people we're talking about here. We don't matter if I can say who it was exactly, but. You know, it is like the kind of thing where it's like, yeah, you gotta, it's just, you, everyone should grow. But, you know, I love that you started in prank calls, because it's just so, because it's fucking hilarious to be like, yeah, you have that degree. I mean, you're, you were on The Daily Show for years, you have a news show, you know, a news comedy show, but it's like. Comedy just starts with the fucking like, let's just pick up a phone and piss some people off. Like, it's, there's some base ways to do it.

• 30:20Speaker 03

  It's crazy because people just go, oh, he's just liberating, just a fake comedian. It's like, there was fifteen years of me sleeping in my car.

• 30:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 30:30Speaker 03

  Cursing out strangers.

• 30:31Stavros Halkias?

  Totally, doing the worst shows.

• 30:33Speaker 03

  I literally could not afford to purchase one thousand CDs at a dollar a pop. I had to self-produce them at two fifty per.

• 30:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 30:43Speaker 03

  Just like, I, I don't even have the front money.

• 30:46Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 30:47Speaker 03

  To buy enough CDs to make it cheaper.

• 30:49Stavros Halkias?

  To buy blank CDs. I can't buy, I don't have the money to buy blank CDs.

• 30:53Speaker 03

  It took me a while, man.

• 30:55Stavros Halkias?

  Were your parents in all, like, because, you, you know, I know your dad has like, he's a, like, comes from a much more distinguished. He did like, you know, he actually covered the civil rights, you know, he was in the civil rights.

• 31:08Speaker 03

  Just conflict. Like, my dad was like, first off, he was like the first black at most radio stations he was at. He was a radio news reporter and commentary type guy. But he would also just volunteer to go to just the dangerous shit.

• 31:25Stavros Halkias?

  Really?

• 31:26Speaker 03

  So, but he knew it's because he would get more access.

• 31:29Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 31:30Speaker 03

  Because no white reporter.

• 31:31Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 31:32Speaker 03

  My father literally covered the South African Soweto riots.

• 31:36Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 31:37Speaker 03

  And then the Zimbabwe Rhodesian civil war.

• 31:40Stavros Halkias?

  Damn, dude.

• 31:40Speaker 03

  Just, you're hired, Wood. Thanks. Give me a ticket to Africa. They shooting at niggas. And I like to cover it. And I like, go right the fuck ahead.

• 31:49Stavros Halkias?

  They're like, wow, that actually saves us. We were gonna have to do an awkward thing where we had to pretend, you know, we had to make a decision about who we were gonna send to Africa. But thank you for being the one to volunteer.

• 32:02Speaker 03

  And he would get shot at, report, win awards, and just kept moving up the ladder. I mean, he did Vietnam, he was embedded over there.

• 32:09Stavros Halkias?

  Damn, dude.

• 32:10Speaker 03

  Chicago in the sixties, like the rise of violence over there and riots. So, yeah, he was very revered. My mom's been a college educator.

• 32:18Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 32:19Speaker 03

  Forever, and so she's very, huh.

• 32:21Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right, right. Right?

• 32:24Speaker 03

  So she wasn't a fan.

• 32:25Stavros Halkias?

  So then it's like you're, and then you're like, all right, mom and dad, can I have a fart machine for Christmas? I have to make prank calls.

• 32:34Speaker 03

  So I got, so the little bit of bread I had before I started, like.

• 32:41Speaker 03

  I think I was thirteen, I started raking leaves around the neighborhood.

• 32:43Stavros Halkias?

  Hell yeah, dude.

• 32:44Speaker 03

  And that was to get Nintendo tapes and sneakers.

• 32:47Stavros Halkias?

  Love it.

• 32:47Speaker 03

  Ten yards front, fifteen front and back.

• 32:49Stavros Halkias?

  Love it.

• 32:50Speaker 03

  Tell me no, I take leaves from a house I already raked.

• 32:55Speaker 03

  And I wait till dark, and I would put leaves in your yard. Wait a week, come back to your house.

• 33:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 33:01Speaker 03

  New customer.

• 33:02Stavros Halkias?

  Be a real shame if there were some more leaves on your front lawn, wouldn't it be?

• 33:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's what I would do. I would create.

• 33:09Stavros Halkias?

  Low level leaf extortion payments?

• 33:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, baby. I'm like Trump, baby. I create the problem, then I give you the solution, baby. I'm like, hey, that TikTok's fucked up, and I fixed it.

• 33:22Speaker 03

  So, so I would, I would take that money and I would get subscriptions to, I, I didn't do baseball cards, I should have.

• 33:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 33:31Speaker 03

  But.

• 33:31Stavros Halkias?

  Cause you are a big baseball guy, you're big.

• 33:33Speaker 03

  I did Game Pro, Electronic Gaming Monthly.

• 33:37Stavros Halkias?

  Hell yeah, dude.

• 33:38Speaker 03

  And Mad Magazine.

• 33:39Stavros Halkias?

  Love that, yeah.

• 33:40Speaker 03

  Those were, those subscription costs is where I spent most of my money. And my pops would see that Mad Magazine, what is this monkey shit?

• 33:53Speaker 03

  Cause he just didn't fuck with humor.

• 33:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so funny to think about, and the lady talked about the same thing where it's like, his dad was like, uh, uh, um, he was like, so what, what do you want to be, Steve Martin? And he said it like it was an insult? And the lady's like, that would actually be insane if I could achieve that. But like to his dad, Steve Martin's like a fucking pathetic like clown, you know? Like, like it's so funny to be the kind of people that love comedy that your dad couldn't even, he just thought it was a waste of time.

• 34:24Speaker 03

  And because, because there was the idea that you're trying to be funny at a time where there's a lot of serious stuff going on. We ain't got time for these laughs, we got to mobilize.

• 34:35Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right, right.

• 34:36Speaker 03

  My father was one of the original investors in Soul Train.

• 34:40Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, wow.

• 34:40Speaker 03

  The television show.

• 34:41Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking awesome.

• 34:42Speaker 03

  So he hired Don Cornelius.

• 34:43Stavros Halkias?

  That's huge.

• 34:45Speaker 03

  He hired Don, Don Cornelius, you can Google this shit, Don Cornelius was a Chicago cop, he pulled my father over.

• 34:51Stavros Halkias?

  Really? Don Cornelius was a cop?

• 34:52Speaker 03

  He was a cop for a year.

• 34:53Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, okay.

• 34:54Speaker 03

  For a year, so not long enough to hate him.

• 34:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 34:59Speaker 03

  Yeah. So pulls my pops over and my pops tells him, yo, you got a nice voice. You should be in radio. Here's my card. Come do radio news. Wow. Don thinks about it dips off and starts working at WVNA in Chicago and builds his media. Uh, that began his journey in the media. Yeah. And, you know, he raised, I'm not gonna act like my dad was like the main front man or something. Other people gave money, but when it came time for the Soul Train pilot to be sold, Don couldn't get it sold and it was taking longer than expected. And my pops goes, hey, man, I know you got this little dancing show that you're doing, but I need my money back. And Don Cornelia's to, I mean, I'm paraphrasing again, but basically it was like,

• 35:44Speaker 03

  trust me, this is going to be a hit. The Train of Soul is a moving, grooving thing. And if Dick Clark can make money like this, I think there's an opportunity for black America. And when the seventies come, we're gonna get into a whole different vibe in this country. To which my father said, and I quote, don't nobody wanna watch niggas dance for an hour.

• 36:12Speaker 03

  So he's anti dancing in comedy? You have to remember, Dr. King just got shot.

• 36:21Speaker 03

  Fucking Detroit riots. When you think about what the sixties were for black people. For sure. And then some dude goes, you know, it'd be fun if we just danced. It'll be a forty year empire. Shut the fuck up and bring me my fucking money back.

• 36:41Speaker 03

  So that's who my father was. Yes. He did not fuck with fun. Yeah. He did not. He didn't fuck with fun.

• 36:50Speaker 03

  Like, you know, like, you know how people have like their, their, I remember sitting with my dad and we watched the ballgame and we watched the special show. My father and I, these are, these are the shows we watched.

• 37:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 37:02Speaker 03

  Ever, together as a fucking unit.

• 37:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 37:05Speaker 03

  Sixty Minutes, Dan Rather, Twenty Twenty, specifically John Stossel Stories.

• 37:11Stavros Halkias?

  Damn.

• 37:11Speaker 03

  C-SPAN and Jeopardy.

• 37:14Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, yeah.

• 37:15Speaker 03

  That's who he was.

• 37:16Stavros Halkias?

  Jeopardy's the funnest they got. Jeopardy's the funnest they got, dude.

• 37:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, so I just, I don't know, man. I grew up an only child. I got a bunch of half siblings, but.

• 37:25Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 37:26Speaker 03

  I grew up living in my own head, so like that's where the funny and weird shit started. My mom was against it.

• 37:31Stavros Halkias?

  Have siblings on your dad's side?

• 37:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, of course.

• 37:33Stavros Halkias?

  Ah, so I see the kind of fun he did fuck with.

• 37:38Stavros Halkias?

  There was a specific way he preferred to blow off steam.

• 37:43Speaker 03

  I'm the ninth of eleven bits.

• 37:48Speaker 03

  I'm probably just fucking.

• 37:49Stavros Halkias?

  That's awesome.

• 37:50Speaker 03

  That's my daddy calling the hotel room for them condoms.

• 37:53Stavros Halkias?

  To be like a dour, like, all business guy and then be like, look, what, am I not gonna get pussy? He's awesome. He's awesome.

• 38:05Speaker 03

  These white folks trying to kill me. You know, you tell me you don't give me no. All right, daddy, I'll give you some.

• 38:12Stavros Halkias?

  You're doing your duty to the cause.

• 38:16Speaker 03

  My mom didn't fuck with me doing comedy because I was on probation when I started.

• 38:20Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 38:21Speaker 03

  And so she wanted me to like stay in school, but I got arrested when I was nineteen for stealing credit cards.

• 38:25Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, respect, dude. The credit card scam.

• 38:29Speaker 03

  People forget in the nineties.

• 38:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that, there was a, was there a Dead Prez song that told you how to, how to steal identities, I believe?

• 38:36Speaker 03

  I could have wrote it.

• 38:37Stavros Halkias?

  There was, yeah, there was a, there was like, the credit card fraud was a big one.

• 38:41Speaker 03

  People don't understand how wild credit card usage was in the nineties. There was no chip. Right, it's just the nu- it's literally the number. The, you had to sign the back of the card. If it wasn't signed, then that was like running through TSA without stopping. Yeah. But otherwise, as long as you had a card, they would do a physical imprint of the card, they had carbon copy machines and that was like. So if someone had a, a piece of that carbon copy, I have your full card number and your name as it appears on the card. And in those days, you didn't even need a billing address to mail order. Hilarious. So it's like, it was just so simple and easy, we just figured out a number of different ways to fucking get free clothes.

• 39:26Speaker 03

  And we'd take the clothes and sell them sometimes. Got caught, got on probation, got suspended from school for a semester for this shit. So during that suspended semester is when I started doing stand up. So I get back in school and my, and I, and I. And you're in college, right? Correct. Yeah. I'm at Florida A and M. So my mom, you know, she's, I'm gonna be on top of it and see what the fuck is going on and you're not gonna be fucking up anymore and I'm gonna fucking chuck up on you. And my mom went there and my father taught there, so. Gotcha. They've got a Bin Laden network. Right, right, keeping an eye on you. Yes, yes. So, I don't, to this day, I don't know, know who, someone in the journalism department sent my mother my class schedule.

• 40:06Speaker 03

  And that first semester back, after my suspension, all, I was taking fifteen credit hours in three days. Tuesday through Thursdays and I had like one night class on a Monday, but literally from eight to five, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, just education. Fifteen minute break in between, fuck a lunch. Yeah. Just go. Gotta get it done. I did that so that I could have Thursday night and Friday morning to take the Greyhound to go do open mics in the ground in the south. Because Greyhound is fucking eight hours to go four hours in a car. But I needed Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and I need Monday on the comeback. Yeah. To get back to Tallahassee. Yeah. So my mom sees my, the schedules, what the fuck, why aren't you spreading your shit out? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 40:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, I just, I just want some days off. Yeah, yeah. And then one of her students saw me sleeping in the bus station in Birmingham.

• 41:01Speaker 03

  Like a couple of months later. And Birmingham is small enough socially. Yeah. Where. Totally. My father, and I say this humbly, but my father, he died my senior year of high school. Okay. Highly respected man in the city of Birmingham. We're talking about a city that's seventy-five percent black Birmingham proper. My father was for black people, so. His name rang out. For sure. And you're named after him, right? Ding ding. So. Why is the son of Roy Wood Senior. Sleeping on a. Sleeping in a fucking Greyhound bus? Correct. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Next to homeless people openly doing crap. Yeah.

• 41:40Speaker 03

  So that gets back to my mom, and she's fucking furious. But I was on Dean's list. Ah, nice. Grades come out like a month later. I go, here's the deal. If my grades are solid, you can't say shit to me about comedy. Right. We don't talk about it. I won't tell you about it. You're concerned about my grades. Yeah. Clearly, my grades are better because I have something to focus on. Leave, just. Yeah. I was respectful, but I didn't go like fucking Punch and Brewster on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Shut the fuck up, Harry.

• 42:13Speaker 03

  Is that his name? I don't remember.

• 42:16Speaker 03

  So. She said, cool. And then about six months later, my mom put down on a car. For me to start driving, so I wouldn't sleep in the bus station. Awesome. Still didn't fuck with me doing comedy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But also, I don't want you on crack. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't want you inhaling crack fumes. Secondhand crack fumes at least. Yeah, I mean, she's my biggest fan now. Yeah, now, it's easy. But your parents, they're just trying to protect you from your own stupidity. For sure. And I get it, but you know, I had to make good grades as a way to keep peace. And it actually was the best thing that ever happened to me, but. It would be like three, four more years before my mom would even acknowledge that maybe I was like.

• 43:00Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 43:00Speaker 03

  Do this as a job.

• 43:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's better. I mean, I can't even ima- if somebody's, it's like we were talking about the parental locks, it's like, dude, if somebody's parents are supportive of them doing stand-up, they're bad parents. Like, there's no, like, they're just bad parents. If you're like, because it makes no fucking sense. You should be like, alright, whatever. Like, you should, if your son starts doing open mics, anybody who's listening, treat it like, you know, he started smoking weed and you're like, alright, well, hopefully he comes out of his system and like, it's not gonna, everyone does something stupid in their youth and like, you know, and then if he, and then if he does it more, if he's like, starting to drive and take greyhounds, that's, uh-oh. Now he's on, now he's taking pills. You know what I mean? And then it's like, and then he's like, I think I'm gonna move to New York. It's like, fuck, they're on heroin.

• 43:46Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? But like.

• 43:47Speaker 03

  All the shit you can name that happens on a greyhound, I didn't seen it.

• 43:51Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 43:52Speaker 03

  Motherfuckers jacking off, women waking up, what the fuck, fuck you, motherfucker. Like, fighting and shit.

• 43:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, fights.

• 43:58Speaker 03

  Drivers, kicking people off. The, the, the, the most painful shit was every blue moon, when we would take the grey, I'd take the, I'd take the grey, I call it the dog, but.

• 44:11Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, take the dog. I only did a little dog. Luckily, I had the Megabus went from Baltimore. I was in Baltimore in the Meg, I was in the Megabus days.

• 44:18Speaker 03

  Right at the edge of Megabus territory.

• 44:21Stavros Halkias?

  So I did a lot of Megabus, but I had to, if the gigs were really shitty at the beginning, I did have to take a couple, like, greyhounds, but I, I got just the taste. I did everything one go-round. I got so lucky. I didn't have to do it over and over. I did like, D-clubs, C-club, you know what I mean? Like, I did it all, but.

• 44:39Speaker 03

  Nine years before I moved to LA.

• 44:40Stavros Halkias?

  Fucking horrible, dude.

• 44:41Speaker 03

  And the worst part of the greyhound rides were, you would ride up past Paris Island. Uh, for Marine Corps, basic training. And I'm not gonna sit right up on the gate, that part I don't remember. But I do remember there was specifically a stop at Paris Island, where they picked up Marines who had either quit or been kicked out. Damn. Whatever the fuck you thought your life was supposed to be. Yeah. Has not happened. Right. This moment on the bus is the first real moment that this person is having of what the fuck next. Yes, yes, moment of self-reflection after leaving the Marines. Cause that was the dream, that's what you were gonna do.

• 45:21Speaker 03

  And for whatever reason, you're on a goddamn Greyhound with me and two masturbators. Someone smuggling some shit. And just the look of frustration, sometimes tears, sometimes crying, like. And, and it's, it's wild, cause I wish I could like go back. And like, there, there should be a reality show of just fucking someone on a bus that pulls up to Paris Island, or we'll go further to Fayetteville for the Army. Like just fucking don't be sad guy. He just sits down next to, and these are like eighteen year olds, nineteen year olds. Totally. They barely know what's going on, it's all good, man. You got time. Yeah. You're in shape. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 46:05Speaker 03

  See what you want about basic training, but you gonna fucking burn some calories. You're in shape. You don't have to kill anyone in the third world to protect our global interests. Yeah. You're fine, bro. That shit used to make me so sad because I just never knew what to, like you ever see some stranger, you wanna say something to. Totally. You don't know what to fucking say. Nah. Those days were fucking wild, man, the road. You know, I was nine years. Just whatever anyone said, yes, I didn't give a fuck. Yeah. If it was a microphone, I'm in that bitch. I performed, and I'm not making this up,

• 46:43Speaker 03

  at the Monticello Watermelon Festival.

• 46:50Speaker 03

  In Monticello, Florida.

• 46:53Speaker 03

  Or was it Medford, Oregon? I think it's Medford that has the watermelon festival.

• 46:57Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 46:58Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 46:58Stavros Halkias?

  Was it good? I mean, that's pretty. I would love to attend the watermelon festival. You couldn't do it? It was one step too far?

• 47:05Speaker 03

  I feel like-

• 47:06Stavros Halkias?

  Performing, there's enough?

• 47:07Speaker 03

  Yeah, I feel like, I feel like, just type in Monticello, Florida, watermelon festival. I think it was Monticello. I know Medford has one as well, but-

• 47:18Stavros Halkias?

  There it is, yeah. It exists.

• 47:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, there it is. Monticello Watermelon Festival.

• 47:25Stavros Halkias?

  Looks good, man.

• 47:26Speaker 03

  No, it's, it's everything that's wrong with comedy. Everything that, that ruins comedy.

• 47:32Stavros Halkias?

  Miss Watermelon Queen.

• 47:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:36Speaker 03

  It's, it's a day show.

• 47:38Stavros Halkias?

  Oh.

• 47:39Speaker 03

  It's outdoors.

• 47:40Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 47:42Speaker 03

  And it's racially imbalanced.

• 47:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that stuff is just a bunch of white people enjoying watermelon. They're like, and now?

• 47:49Speaker 03

  And you have to work clean.

• 47:53Speaker 03

  It's a festival. It's, I call it eight to eighty. It's eight-year-olds to eighty-year-olds.

• 47:57Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, my god.

• 48:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 48:00Speaker 03

  Let's see how far you have to scroll before you see a black person.

• 48:04Stavros Halkias?

  That's, we saw an Asian before. We saw an Asian? No, oh, sorry. Instagram blocked this. You're gonna have to check out the Monticello Water Festival on your own.

• 48:12Speaker 03

  It's in its seventy-third year. It's been around forever. It was, it was a gig.

• 48:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, man.

• 48:18Speaker 03

  It was a gig, and it's not like they were like, let me make sure I'm framing this, because I know people-

• 48:23Stavros Halkias?

  And luckily, your father had passed away, by the way. He didn't have to hear about you.

• 48:27Speaker 03

  He had to roll down to that bitch.

• 48:31Speaker 03

  Motherfucker, get off that fucking stage. What is this muckin' shit? But let me just make it perfectly clear.

• 48:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 48:41Speaker 03

  The watermelon is like a big cash crop in Monticello, Florida, and they celebrate the harvest with a big festival, hip hip hooray, with the town making money.

• 48:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 48:49Speaker 03

  That's the origins of the festival.

• 48:50Stavros Halkias?

  Of course.

• 48:51Speaker 03

  So it's just there to celebrate the culture of the town. It's not like I got on stage and white people were like, it works, it works.

• 49:01Speaker 03

  It was a very proper event.

• 49:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 49:03Speaker 03

  But it's just.

• 49:04Stavros Halkias?

  Still, a horrible, a day festival, one of the worst possible.

• 49:07Speaker 03

  A day festival as a black guy celebrating watermelon.

• 49:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 49:11Speaker 03

  A little odd. Please don't put my photo on the flyer.

• 49:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, or at least one where I'm frowning.

• 49:21Stavros Halkias?

  Ah, fuck. Well, there's so much more we want to talk about, but we do have to fucking, we do have to, uh, get to some questions, including the one thing I didn't get to is how much I love that you, you were a Dolphins fan because teal and orange were the only non-gang affiliated colors that were like easy, easy for you to like, you wouldn't get beat, beat the fuck up if you were.

• 49:43Speaker 03

  Football teams that were good in the eighties and nineties, the Dolphins were the only ones with gang safe colors. Niners were Bloods, Cowboys were Crips, the Steelers were gangster disciples.

• 49:54Stavros Halkias?

  Damn, dude.

• 49:55Speaker 03

  So you couldn't even wear a Bo Jackson Raiders jersey, cause, and he's from Birmingham area. You couldn't even wear that.

• 50:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 50:02Speaker 03

  Because it's gangster disciples, that's black, like they ran Birmingham.

• 50:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 50:05Speaker 03

  So whatever team, you better be a fucking Packers fan or some shit.

• 50:12Stavros Halkias?

  It's just fucking hilarious to be like, yep, teal.

• 50:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, but Marino was respected. Also Marino was respected because he had two black receivers that were very ignorant as fuck.

• 50:21Stavros Halkias?

  I didn't know, I didn't.

• 50:22Speaker 03

  Like, TO 1.0 type behavior.

• 50:25Stavros Halkias?

  Love that.

• 50:26Speaker 03

  Mark Clayton and Mark Duper. They were very good. They were more Tyreek Hill.

• 50:29Stavros Halkias?

  Tyree, sure, sure, sure. That's fun.

• 50:32Speaker 03

  So, yeah.

• 50:33Stavros Halkias?

  You got it. Your receivers and your cornerbacks have to be fucking insane.

• 50:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, Marino was good, man. So it kept me from getting teased at school.

• 50:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. Um, anyway, Elders, why don't we do a couple of calls here? You know, we have some, uh, some, some advice, a lot of wisdom over here. The man's got a journalism degree. We've seen guys beating off on Greyhounds, he's seen it all.

• 50:55Speaker 03

  It took me five years to graduate.

• 51:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, we heard. You had to do that class three times. All right, Elders, what do we got here, buddy?

• 51:08Speaker 05

  I sorry, I always, I guess, I'll try this again. Dommage. So a situation will happen over break. I sorry, I always, I guess, I'll try this again. Um, so a situation will happen over break. Uh, Thanksgiving, Christmas, we'll trip in on anyways. Uh, Thanksgiving to Christmas Eve and Christmas. I said every weekend and every holiday with my girlfriend's family. I had a great time doing it with fun. It was awful, but I missed my meal, obviously. So for New Year's Eve, my brother and sister invited my girlfriend and I to dinner. Uh, they live like three hours away, so we're gonna drive up on the, uh, thirtieth. Do, uh, New Year's Eve and leave the first. So only really seeing that on the thirty first.

• 51:52Speaker 05

  Um, so this is the restaurant, my girlfriend immediately doesn't like anything on the menu. Um, I mentioned they can make accommodations for certain ingredients. And she suggested that we ask, change the restaurant. Um, and this restaurant, this is a restaurant and they both did like months ahead of time. Pay for your restaurant. I said, no, we're not gonna do that. Uh, she says, well, what if we just don't put dinner, we eat without them? And that is like a two or three hour dinner of most of the day that I wasn't gonna get to spend with them. Um, and then she suggested, um, she just eat beforehand. And my feelings are hurt because I feel like she was trying to get all these accommodations and, um, changes to the plans that my brother and sister had viciously invited us to.

• 52:36Speaker 05

  And I didn't like that. Uh, I understand she wants to be a priority and she deserves to be. But I thought this weekend, this day was a priority since I was my brother and sister. And for them to get to know her, she hadn't met her before. Oh, wow. Um, so I just felt like a physical hurt because I've spent every weekend up until now with her family. And now it's not like my family and she's making it all about her. Um, and that's one of the power through. Um, so what do you think? Is this a giant red flag and put one off? Let me know.

• 53:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, that's fucking. She's, I mean, that's fuck, it sounds really fucking annoying, minimum. Um, yeah, you spent every fucking holiday with her family. You probably didn't say shit. You were trying to make a good impression. Like, I guess it's one thing if she was like, ah, I'm allergic to everything on this menu. But it's like, she just didn't like the food? That's insane to be like, can you, can we change this? It's like, no, it's like, she's not, the fact that her, her mindset isn't like, oh, we saw your family, you made a great impression, let me go.

• 53:46Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 53:46Stavros Halkias?

  Let me go like, have them like me. And it's like, look, if I don't like the food there, yeah, fuck it. I'll have a sandwich beforehand and I'll pick at some shit, but I'll make it about. Cause no one's policing what you're eating either. It's so clearly about the dinner. It's so clearly about getting to know each other. It's a New Year's dinner. It's just, you're drinking, you're just having a good time. Like, the whole idea is, it's not about the food at all. And it is, it is, that is, that is red flag behavior, in my opinion.

• 54:15Speaker 03

  Yes, but is it enough to wring her up and put her on waivers?

• 54:21Stavros Halkias?

  I don't think so. I think it's enough for like a demerit.

• 54:26Speaker 03

  Alright, you gotta call a team meeting.

• 54:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, absolutely, absolutely.

• 54:29Speaker 03

  You put this as, you can do it one of two ways. If it were me, I would press her to still go to the dinner.

• 54:38Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 54:38Speaker 03

  Let's go to the dinner. Listen, I wanna have fun with them on their terms. I met with your family on your terms and I want them to feel, you know, comfortable. This is her favorite restaurant, it's her night, it's her event. She's inviting us into that space.

• 54:49Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 54:49Speaker 03

  So we're not gonna change the venue. Two, we can go, if you wanna just nibble on something and we do something afterwards, cool. The problem with option two is that you're opening the door to always accommodating her wants and needs.

• 55:02Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 55:02Speaker 03

  When the situation doesn't fit, which means she'll feel like she never has to adapt.

• 55:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 55:07Speaker 03

  If she has an inability to adapt to your social situations or even read the social clues, that, the social cues, that she's fucking wild for calling the restaurant to ask them if they got almond milk. Can you make the fucking Alfredo with almond and butter? And say, no, they can't. It's fucking regular fat ass butter.

• 55:28Speaker 03

  You probably have someone in your presence, my friend. This is bigger picture.

• 55:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 55:35Speaker 03

  You have someone that is not yet capable of putting their needs sometimes second, which is what a real relationship is about.

• 55:42Stavros Halkias?

  For sure.

• 55:43Speaker 03

  Taking turns being uncomfortable. That's love. She doesn't want to take her turn.

• 55:51Stavros Halkias?

  Right, absolutely. And you've more than done your part in doing Thanksgiving and Christmas. I mean, by the way, New Year's is barely a fucking holiday.

• 56:00Speaker 03

  You need to stand your ground on that Thanksgiving, Christmas shit too. Split those up, or we do one and one, or we do half of one and half of another. Because what it sounds like is that she's trying to merge you into her culture and doesn't really give a fuck about yours. Which means she just needs a dude that is compliant. She doesn't care about love. She cares about somebody that's compliant because in her head, she's already built out the role of husband. And you're just either me, is my own shit coming out?

• 56:27Stavros Halkias?

  No, no. This is great, this is great.

• 56:33Speaker 03

  You guys split those holidays.

• 56:34Stavros Halkias?

  To be fair though, to your wife, you have nine half siblings you barely, that's a lot of Thanksgivings. You know what I mean?

• 56:41Speaker 03

  Everybody gets gift cards. I don't fucking visit. I don't visit. I got one nephew here in New York. I fuck with him. Cause he's thirty minutes on the train.

• 56:52Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 56:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, I think that.

• 56:55Stavros Halkias?

  No, I think you're right, Roy, where it's like, this, yeah, it's about, there's no compromise here. And she has kind of, and I would just be, this isn't necessarily a deal breaker. Maybe she, she could just honestly be immature and be a little like ignorant of the social cue. And hopefully if you have like a, hey, you heard, this kind of hurt my feelings because I feel like I did everything I needed to with your family. And this is really the only one time, and I really would hope that, you know, you'd be thinking about trying to make your, trying to make a nice impression and spend time with them. I really want you to get to know them. The food, all this other stuff is immaterial. Let's be honest. What it's about is like spending time with my family.

• 57:38Stavros Halkias?

  And I think like, you know, and just, I think that's really what the discussion is. And look, I don't, how, I don't know how old he is, did he say?

• 57:45Speaker 03

  It doesn't matter. If she's dumb enough to sit for three hours and not eat shit, then she's trying to get her way. It's gonna, you look weird.

• 57:53Stavros Halkias?

  It could just be some young shit, though, is my only caveat here, right? Where it's like, and look, but you're right too, Roy, in that maybe she just isn't ready to just be in, in a real. If this is, because like, meeting each other's families over the holidays is a really big. If this goes well, we take it to the next level. If this doesn't, we have to reassess. And there's, you have grounds for light reassessment here, is what I would say. Is that like, this is enough to be like, to see, is she really selfish, actually? Was she just acting weird? Did she just fu- is, is, did she have one fuck up where she wasn't really? Did she not realize how important this was to you? Because also, a girl like this, what you're talking about, about wanting to like, absorb you into their culture?

• 58:38Stavros Halkias?

  There's people that would love that. There's people that hate their fucking families. In college, I, I had a college girlfriend, it was the, I was like, oh, I have a fucking excuse not to go to Thanksgiving? Like, I was pumped. I fucking never wa- it was awesome. And so like, she can find, those people exist. Maybe she's looking for that, but maybe also she just like, didn't understand how important this was to you? And to her, maybe it was like, because if you take the, the importance off it, right? It's, if it's just, hey, we got dinner plans with like, you know, we got dinner plans. Then the food does kinda matter, but if it's like, no, it's not about the dinner, you fucking idiot, it's about my family. If she missed that whole po- part, then it's possible if she just like, looks at it from your perspective and she's like,

• 59:23Stavros Halkias?

  oh my god, I'm so sorry, I didn't even realize all this stuff. I get it. Would I hold my breath if that's what's gonna happen? No, but, yeah.

• 59:32Speaker 03

  Here's the olive branch you throw also, because you're gonna have this argument, it's time to split Thanksgiving and Christmas. Um, next time we hang with them, we'll pick the restaurant. So you give her some control, let her choose the fucking place, but in the short term, call a team meeting, see what the fuck is going on. And if she starts crying and acting weird and saying that you don't, I'm just saying, you don't care about me, because you're whatever, then that motherfucker's irrational.

• 59:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 59:58Speaker 03

  And then the way you circumvent that, if you, because this sounds like the type of guy who needs like, four or five strikes before he pulls the trigger. That's how I am.

• 1:00:07Stavros Halkias?

  I think, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:00:08Speaker 03

  I like you, I'm really fucking crying, god damn it.

• 1:00:12Stavros Halkias?

  You're on.

• 1:00:14Speaker 03

  Fuck it, I'm gonna email Stavie.

• 1:00:20Speaker 03

  So, you, you have to like, make sure that you're not letting her dictate every fucking single thing you all do socially, but if they are taking your words out of context or misreading your tone, write a letter, trust me. Hmm, I like, I do, putting in writing is actually helpful sometimes. No one reads letters mean. Yeah. They assume you to be in your nicest form.

• 1:00:47Speaker 03

  You know, whereas if you tell her, she's like, "Well, I don't know, it's like, you're, mm-hmm, I'm gonna cry now." Yeah, yeah. So yeah, buddy, uh, grounds for, for, uh, grounds for a slight reassessment here. Yeah, but if you cut it loose, let us know, send the picture, we'll set it straight.

• 1:01:05Speaker 03

  Alright, damn, that is fucking annoying. Get in her DMs, "Heard what happened to you at New Year's." That guy's a fucking idiot.

• 1:01:14Speaker 03

  I can't believe he would treat you that way. Go ahead, Aldous. Dude, I fucked a, I fucked a guy's girlfriend one time off the radio. I love that. I don't even have time for these stories, but... Oh, we do, oh, we do, brother.

• 1:01:31Speaker 03

  Some guy called the radio station, was like, "Can you prank call my girlfriend?" No! He requested the prank call, you fucked his girlfriend! Devastating. So I prank called her, but the prank was like... You're like, "Hey, it's a really good prank." It was the prank, because you're at the end of the prank, again, "Hey, it's the radio station, your boyfriend put us up to this, and also, your boyfriend wanted us to tell you, babba da ba, harp, violin, violin." Right. And she's like, "Oh, no, you like her, yeah, alright, we're gonna email you about the prize, we're gonna email her about the prize, and that motherfucker replied with her phone number."

• 1:02:12Speaker 03

  I was just gonna give you the Ludacris CD.

• 1:02:16Speaker 03

  I'm just sending her pick up information to come get the CD. Why don't you bring it to my house?

• 1:02:22Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, dude, that's incredible.

• 1:02:26Speaker 03

  My twenties were a wild time. Read this next one.

• 1:02:29Stavros Halkias?

  What a time, respect, dude.

• 1:02:31Speaker 03

  Woman I want to date is probably watching.

• 1:02:34Stavros Halkias?

  This poor guy. That fucking idiot, dude.

• 1:02:37Speaker 03

  Podcasts that I do like this where it's just fucking, fucking around.

• 1:02:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:41Speaker 03

  Always end up saying some shit that I have to explain.

• 1:02:45Stavros Halkias?

  That's the, that's the magic of this, man. It really just feels like hanging out.

• 1:02:49Speaker 03

  That's the problem. It's not magic.

• 1:02:53Speaker 03

  I was better at this shit when I was in a relationship because I would fucking behave.

• 1:02:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:02:58Speaker 03

  Nah, I just talk shit and then I'm like, it's not even gonna be a day. It'll be like a year from now.

• 1:03:02Stavros Halkias?

  For sure.

• 1:03:03Speaker 03

  So I was listening to some podcasts of yours.

• 1:03:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:07Speaker 03

  Is that what you did?

• 1:03:08Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:09Speaker 03

  Did you just fuck people getting better on your radio?

• 1:03:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yes. Yeah. That's the whole point. Everyone does everything. Definitely the reason comedians do comedy. All of us were like, this will be how it happens and it did somehow. We don't understand it.

• 1:03:24Speaker 03

  This is a great decision.

• 1:03:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. I've put all, everything else makes no sense, but I will get attention from women if I do this. That's the, that's how it starts. That's always how it fucking starts. And yeah, sometimes we fuck women we don't deserve to, actually almost exclusively, to be honest with you.

• 1:03:41Speaker 06

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• 1:04:10Speaker 00

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• 1:04:34Speaker 03

  All right, Eldis, what do we got, Al? What else we got?

• 1:04:41Speaker 07

  Uh, love you guys, love the show, let's dive in. So my question, uh, is not centered around, but involves the recent election.

• 1:04:49Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 1:04:49Speaker 07

  Uh, doesn't matter what party I usually vote for, on a personal level, on a human level, I feel like a man like Donald Trump is unfit to be the legal head and international representative of not just my own country, but also, you know, arguably, potentially, the greatest, or, uh, most, uh, not the greatest, but most powerful country that ever existed.

• 1:05:10Stavros Halkias?

  Fucking, who's SGA president called in, man? Jesus Christ. I also love that he says it doesn't matter who I usually vote for, so are we talking, are we dealing with a never-Trump Republican? One of the funniest types of guys, like, "Well, I want to fucking, I wanna, uh, start wars, but civilly, I wanna be able to lower the minimum wage to seven dollars, but call someone sir or madam, it really pisses me off that he paid porn stars for pussy, but I wanna do essentially the same stuff he wants to do." I love those guys, those guys are awesome.

• 1:05:46Speaker 03

  You don't pay him, you give him an internship, you can transfer him out of your office. Who is paying for vaginals?

• 1:05:55Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, those guys are fucking awesome. Anyway, this guy's awesome, keep going, Aldous.

• 1:05:58Speaker 07

  Uh, most, uh, not the greatest, but most powerful country that ever existed in the history of the earth. And I just learned that one of my oldest and dearest friends of fifteen years, uh, just didn't vote in the last election, and I think there are a handful of reasons that, uh, that could be, uh, you know, justified, but we had a long conversation about it, and we both got the chance to say our piece, and after hearing his whole side of the story, I cannot help but see him as anything, as, as not just a coward and a bitch, and it's, it's making me so, it depresses me, it bums me out every time I think about him, 'cause

• 1:06:41Speaker 07

  it's just like, he's one of my oldest friends, I love him to death, and I thought I had a stronger ally in the humanity part of being a human. And I love him to death.

• 1:06:51Stavros Halkias?

  He didn't support corporate Democrat. I mean, are you fucking paying attention, bro? Jesus Christ, this is what we delude ourselves into thinking. It's like, look, of course, don't vote for Trump, but are we pretending like shit's been going good? With fucking Joe Biden, didn't even know he was fucking alive half his term? The humanity of this shit, are you kidding me? Kamala couldn't win a fucking, anyway, this is, this is fucking, this is, this, any, uh, it's crazy.

• 1:07:18Speaker 03

  Let's, let's, yeah, let's finish it.

• 1:07:20Speaker 07

  Simple solution. Human. And I love him to death. I'm not ready to throw away a 15 year friendship, but as much as I try, I've been arguing about it with myself.

• 1:07:30Stavros Halkias?

  He didn't even vote for Trump!

• 1:07:31Speaker 07

  Still alone in my apartment for a month now, and I cannot mount a successful argument against myself that he's actually that good of a guy if he's willing to just stand aside and let that kind of a, a man take the reins of our own country. So, uh, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing here, but Stavi, you're wiser than I. Love you guys, love the show. Thanks so much, Joe.

• 1:07:51Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, wow, I have plenty of thoughts. Um, first of all, I didn't vote for either of them. So stop listening to the show. Now, caveat, I live in New York. They were, like, if I lived in a battleground state, maybe it would have impressed me more. I probably would, or who knows what push comes to shove, but like, there are caveats here. Where do you live? But go ahead, Roy, you, you actually fucking, you know?

• 1:08:15Speaker 03

  Is the issue, it sound, this is a message about how could you not vote? But it sounds like a, how could you not vote for Kamala?

• 1:08:26Stavros Halkias?

  Right, like, if you voted, if he voted for the Green Party, how would you feel? You know what I mean? Like, it's like...

• 1:08:32Speaker 03

  I, I, I don't know. I think Joe, Joe, thank you for the message.

• 1:08:36Stavros Halkias?

  Thanks for the call, Joe.

• 1:08:37Speaker 03

  I think that you cannot save this friendship if there is no respect. Now, we can argue the idea, and this is what all the voter apathy boils down to.

• 1:08:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:47Speaker 03

  It's fucking, do you want the captain or the, which, which drunk pilot do you want to try and land?

• 1:08:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:57Speaker 03

  That's, that's politics. Hey, everybody, we're getting ready to crash.

• 1:09:03Speaker 03

  We got two captains up here. One's drunk, one's on shrooms. Which would you like to vote?

• 1:09:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:09:11Speaker 03

  And then Joe's buddy is in the back going, neither of these are good fucking captains.

• 1:09:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:09:16Speaker 03

  Fuck it, let's crash.

• 1:09:20Speaker 03

  I don't just, I'll just say it as a broader sense, I don't agree with not voting. And then you're gonna still complain about shit. If you don't vote, like, people are gonna go, well, I didn't vote. I didn't vote. In this country as fuck. Well then, what are you doing to, to dethrone the, the two-party system or whatever? Trevor Noah showed me a South African, he, he has in his office, like Mandela's ballot from the, the year he won, when he got out of prison. Just like twenty motherfuckers on the ballot. And it's like, that looks like a nice, level-headed country where you have some level of all the candidates, everybody's invited to the debates. So I understand the despair that your friend has in not, in choosing not to vote.

• 1:10:03Speaker 03

  But if you feel, and clearly you do, this strongly about politics, you gotta let that friendship die, cause there's nothing you're gonna be able to do.

• 1:10:11Stavros Halkias?

  But it's also like, so you're not gonna be friends with anyone that voted for Trump? I mean, that's all, cause like, if the thing is, my friend could, didn't, uh, my friend didn't vote for Kamala Harris, so I can't be friends with them anymore? Like, that's, and your issues with Trump, which I guess, whatever, I, I get, I mean, I'm not pumped that Trump is president, but again, it's like, what if he ever had real issues with Gaza? I mean, what if he had fucking issues with like, you know, like, like, there were things that the fucking, that, the, the Democrats did that, that they said they weren't gonna change anything about. That it's like, I understand if it's a deal breaker for certain people to not vote for it.

• 1:10:54Stavros Halkias?

  And it's, even if I didn't agree with it, right? And it's like, this also opens up the philosophical discussion of, do you have, you don't have any friends that voted for Trump? And then it's like, if, if you want things to change, you gotta also have like, you gotta be open to, cause I have friends who fucking, who, uh, I mean, they're actually older relatives or whatever, but I also have friends who like, You know, it's like, I, there are people that, I think there are people that voted for Trump that aren't totally all the way gone, right? That it's like-

• 1:11:25Speaker 03

  But those, but I believe those people are more single-issue voters and it's going- It's like the whole fracking thing. If you are a fracker or a coal motherfucking, Trump come in town and go, I fix coal. You don't give a fuck about deportations and birthright citizenship.

• 1:11:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:11:41Speaker 03

  I'm trying to eat right here and this dude said he got me.

• 1:11:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:45Speaker 03

  So you're in such despair, you're not even gonna look through all the facts-

• 1:11:49Stavros Halkias?

  For sure.

• 1:11:50Speaker 03

  And look at the multi-layered corporations that are lying and that they actually aren't gonna do anything to help your industry get back off the ground. I think that this election, this term with Trump, it would be helpful to have, and I don't wanna say softer approach because it's, because liberals look at it as, I have to sacrifice my humanity for your comprehension-

• 1:12:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:15Speaker 03

  Of why what's happening is bad for me.

• 1:12:17Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 1:12:18Speaker 03

  So I'm not gonna table my humanity to get to put knowledge into this person's head. But if you all stayed friends and just periodically you bring up whatever the fuck that's going on or this thing, it may be an opportunity to help get some policy permeated it. Because I think a lot of people who voted for Trump are gonna look up and unless Trump is smart enough to know how to blame the Democrats at midterms for what he hasn't delivered on-

• 1:12:46Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:12:46Speaker 03

  If there are promises he has not delivered on, it will not be seen as incompetence within his administration. It'll be seen as, well, they're blocking me from doing the shit that I wanna do.

• 1:12:58Stavros Halkias?

  But, and you know this too, it's like, how many times, every time, there's a big, like, win, there's always, the midterms, historically, it always comes back a little bit. You know what I mean? Like, it always, like, that's just how politics works. Because you get in office promising a bunch of shit that doesn't happen and so there's always like, you know, it always comes back, so- Yeah, I mean.

• 1:13:20Speaker 04

  I can imagine this guy's friend too, like, you know, this guy sounds like every time any politics things comes up.

• 1:13:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, how annoying he is about it.

• 1:13:27Speaker 04

  He's going, he's going straight to the humanity of the greatest, most powerful country in the world.

• 1:13:33Stavros Halkias?

  How many people that we killing Iraq? How many, it's like, what the fuck, America's fucking sucks, dude.

• 1:13:39Speaker 03

  I don't think Joe was wrong in that regard. I just don't think that that is an effective verbiage to reach people anymore.

• 1:13:47Stavros Halkias?

  But it's also get off your fucking high horse. Voting compared, are you actually doing anything or did you actually vote? You know what I mean? It's like, I do take a little umbrage with these people that act like they've done. They have like their fucking civil servants of thirty years because they cast a vote. And maybe, you know, like, because it was easy for them to do. It's like, Joe, are you that much better than your friend? Really? Like, that's my, that's my other question.

• 1:14:11Speaker 03

  But that depends on, and that's why I say it goes back to who did you vote for versus voting at all? Because if it's voter apathy and you just didn't take part in the system, I forget what the percentage was this year of.

• 1:14:24Stavros Halkias?

  Pretty high.

• 1:14:25Speaker 03

  Total population, but it was well over half.

• 1:14:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:28Speaker 03

  Which is.

• 1:14:28Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:14:29Speaker 03

  Not the norm.

• 1:14:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:14:31Speaker 03

  It's like, okay, records, it was like eighty, what did Trump have, like eighty-three million votes to like seventy-seven?

• 1:14:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I don't, I don't know. And I did vote for everything else, by the way. It was a, I was objecting to the fucking, it was like a, I live in a fucking state that's gonna get carried by the Democrats anyway, and I am objecting to how there, what, how Biden fucking, what, like, the hubris of Biden to run again, instead of finding, Democrats had four years to find a fucking successor.

• 1:14:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, seventy-seven million to seventy-five, so it's a little over half the country. We're at three hundred million as a nation. So, yeah. I.

• 1:15:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's crazy.

• 1:15:06Speaker 03

  I, I feel like. I don't, just to the, to, to his question, because we can stay all day on the politics.

• 1:15:14Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:15:15Speaker 03

  If Joe, if you feel that strongly about politics, I do not see a path through for this friendship.

• 1:15:22Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 1:15:23Speaker 03

  Because you all have been friends until it hits something that truly means something to you. That you are not going to bend on, nor should you. I just don't think that you, you know, you can kind of demote people to an outer sphere, but if you're like me, it's either, you're either inner circle or you're fucking Pluto.

• 1:15:44Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:15:45Speaker 03

  Like, I don't really have an in-between.

• 1:15:46Stavros Halkias?

  I kind of know what you're talking about. Yeah, I guess that's fair. If we just, if we're looking at this, and look, I agree, like, if this thing is that, if you have really thought about it, and it's that important to you, then yes. You know, but I don't know that this is exactly the kind of thing that I would lose a friendship over. Like I said, I mean, but I'm friends with people that I disagree, straight up disagree with. And I would just think as a human being, this is an issue. If we're casting aside people that you have, um, divisiveness is a problem. And if you're casting aside a fifteen-year French, if there's not more common ground, then it's like, how are you gonna find common ground with people that you have less in common with? And how are we gonna actually move forward with something that, because the real division.

• 1:16:29Speaker 03

  That's fair.

• 1:16:30Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? It's like, it's like, it's like, we got it, we got, we, everyone, a, a lot of Trump voters have a lot more in common with you than they do with fucking, with the ruling class that's actually sowing discord here. But that's my, that's my, that's my sort of thought here.

• 1:16:46Speaker 03

  And I think we've learned that as comedians, because we've been on the road and we've seen every voting block and demo.

• 1:16:52Stavros Halkias?

  Totally.

• 1:16:52Speaker 03

  At a granular level.

• 1:16:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:54Speaker 03

  Where you see someone as an individual, but when you put them in a collective, it, it completely looks different.

• 1:17:00Stavros Halkias?

  Definitely, yeah.

• 1:17:01Speaker 03

  Also, but I, I completely understand why some people voted for Trump. Like, it's not, for a lot of people in this country, it's not about the bigger picture, it's just about what's happening for them on their street. And if it's so bad that you're willing to believe a potential lie, then, I, it's like the comics who open for known joke thieves.

• 1:17:23Speaker 03

  Does that make sense?

• 1:17:24Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, yeah, yeah.

• 1:17:25Speaker 03

  So, I have no shame working in that administration.

• 1:17:28Stavros Halkias?

  It's like, look, I need a couple grand a weekend, man. What do you want from me, dude?

• 1:17:32Speaker 03

  It's paying me nice.

• 1:17:35Speaker 03

  And I'm like, you should be in the struggle.

• 1:17:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:17:38Speaker 03

  The Monticello Watermelon Festival needs an opener? Two hundred, no, no gas, no hotel.

• 1:17:45Stavros Halkias?

  No gas, no hotel, as many watermelons you can carry, but no bags. Um, so anyway, dude, that's, that's our thought here and, uh, you know, at the end of the day, your enemy is not your year of fifteen, your friend of fifteen years, it's, it's, um, you know, billionaires who are trying to fucking, uh, keep everybody else fucking down. And that's another thing that shocked me. I went on, I, I went on Theo's podcast and I talked about how historically, um, the conservatives are who billionaire, who like the ruling class new billionaire support. And this is how good their propaganda is that people didn't believe me. They were like, that's not true. The, the, the richest people support Democrats. It's like, that's just like a, a fact you can find in terms of,

• 1:18:30Stavros Halkias?

  I spe- like you can find that in terms of, uh, and it might be more individual billionaires, but in terms of straight money that is poured in, it's always historically, there's, I, I would be willing to, I don't know this for a fact, but it's like, and it's like historically more has gone in from the richest people to conservative causes and candidates. And now it's even worse with Citizens United because you don't even have to disclose all that fucking shit.

• 1:18:55Speaker 03

  Yeah. And, uh, but that's the shell game that you're able to play on people who are just figuring out whether or not they're fracking coal mines, whatever the fuck is gonna be open tomorrow.

• 1:19:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:19:06Speaker 03

  They don't have time.

• 1:19:07Stavros Halkias?

  For sure. For sure. It's like to them, that's, but anyway, who gives a fuck? Let's get a question about jacking off or something.

• 1:19:13Speaker 03

  If Trump said he was, if you worked at Blockbuster Video and Trump said he was bringing back VHS cassettes, you're gonna vote for him?

• 1:19:24Stavros Halkias?

  You're right.

• 1:19:24Speaker 03

  That's your fucking meal ticket.

• 1:19:28Stavros Halkias?

  I do miss Blockbuster. Go ahead, Eldis.

• 1:19:31Speaker 08

  Stavi, Eldis, what up? What's going on? Uh, I need some help. I need advice. So I'm born and raised in Queens.

• 1:19:41Stavros Halkias?

  Nice.

• 1:19:41Speaker 08

  I moved down south.

• 1:19:42Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 1:19:43Speaker 08

  Bought a house, got a nice job, making my money, whatever, whatever. Got my girl with me, got my two stupid dogs.

• 1:19:51Speaker 08

  The only thing that sucks is that I miss New York.

• 1:19:55Stavros Halkias?

  Hell, yeah, dude.

• 1:19:57Speaker 08

  The problem is, I can't afford New York.

• 1:20:01Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:20:02Speaker 08

  I got the big, beautiful house down here. I can't do that shit back home. If I go back home, I gotta live with my crazy parents that. Picture Frank and Estelle Casando from Star Wars. It ain't happening, not in my age.

• 1:20:19Speaker 08

  And I'm struggling because back home in New York, I was doing stand up.

• 1:20:24Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, no.

• 1:20:25Speaker 08

  I had my life. I grew up there. I was embedded into Queens and Long Island, mainly Queens.

• 1:20:31Stavros Halkias?

  Love it.

• 1:20:32Speaker 08

  But now I'm down here with people that I can't stand. They're all hicks. They all suck.

• 1:20:40Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, he's in a small town.

• 1:20:41Speaker 08

  They're just, it's hard to get along with them, you know?

• 1:20:45Stavros Halkias?

  Wonder where he's living.

• 1:20:46Speaker 08

  Uh, we don't have the same interests. They're all like these. Everybody wants to be the funniest, biggest man in the room.

• 1:20:53Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 1:20:54Speaker 08

  Back, like, I'm not acting like myself down here. I miss my old life.

• 1:20:58Stavros Halkias?

  He's veto in, uh, in New Hampshire.

• 1:21:00Speaker 08

  I have a potential for a good life down here, but, man, there's something about New York, man.

• 1:21:09Speaker 08

  It's like dating that fine Spanish chick from Brooklyn. Like, she's toxic. You know you shouldn't date her. You might get stabbed, you might get spit on. You might get shot. She might call you the M word, but you keep coming back for more. Frosting at the mouth. I don't know.

• 1:21:25Stavros Halkias?

  You had him. He had you in the first half.

• 1:21:30Stavros Halkias?

  She might call you her jungle bunny. Till you go back to fucking Nigeria.

• 1:21:37Stavros Halkias?

  Um, okay, wow. So this guy is going through the classic, the cost of living. He's been priced out of New York. He went down south and I wonder where he's living.

• 1:21:48Speaker 03

  Here's a couple of things we know true.

• 1:21:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 1:21:50Speaker 03

  It's not a major metropolis because most major metropolises in the south, even New Yorkers will give grace to go, it ain't New York, but it's got at least that, that, that.

• 1:22:01Stavros Halkias?

  No, that happened to me definitely because I have a very similar out view to this guy where mid Atlantic, I'm from Baltimore, but I, you know, I've been living in, and I remember when I started actually touring, anywhere in the south, I was like, ah, this is gonna fucking suck.

• 1:22:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:22:15Stavros Halkias?

  These fucking hillbillies. And then you get there, it's like, oh, it's a fucking awesome city. Like, you know?

• 1:22:21Speaker 03

  Also tale number two, he said he did stand up in New York. He hasn't sought to do stand up where he lives. That means he's not in the city with a comedy scene in the south and there's not many. There's a few cities with a sustainable,

• 1:22:36Speaker 03

  if you're an alcoholic and the best they got is Mike's Hard Lemonade.

• 1:22:39Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right, right, right, right.

• 1:22:41Speaker 03

  You couldn't make do with that.

• 1:22:43Stavros Halkias?

  You run through a couple of Brita filters.

• 1:22:45Speaker 03

  Level stand up scenes.

• 1:22:47Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:22:48Speaker 03

  So we're talking double A, triple A baseball markets here. We're not talking,

• 1:22:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:22:53Speaker 03

  No city with a major sports team in the big four.

• 1:22:56Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right, right.

• 1:22:58Speaker 03

  So we're talking Macon, Georgia, Tupelo, Winston-Salem's.

• 1:23:02Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:23:02Speaker 03

  Montgomery, Alabama's, you know, sounds like Knoxville.

• 1:23:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Knoxville has a fucking comedy scene, but I guess.

• 1:23:12Speaker 03

  Nashville is.

• 1:23:13Stavros Halkias?

  Nashville's big now, but I guess the, look dude, here's what it boils down to for this guy is that, all right, you like, maybe you don't come back to, you, you miss this type of lifestyle, right? You miss, and you don't have to go straight to New York. You, if you're just, A, maybe try maybe a major city in the south, whatever, but it doesn't have to be New York or this place. Is there somewhere where you can have like anywhere in sort of like the northeast region or the mid Atlantic region where it's like, yeah, it's similar. It's like the same kind of place, Jersey, even like fucking Pennsylvania. Baltimore, you know what I mean? Like, just like a mid, just some kind of city like that where it's like

• 1:23:57Stavros Halkias?

  kind of similar, cost of living is lower, you know, whatever. You want to do open mics, I can't stop you, but. You shouldn't.

• 1:24:04Speaker 03

  You gotta scratch that itch though.

• 1:24:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:24:06Speaker 03

  It might be the one outlet for him.

• 1:24:08Stavros Halkias?

  True.

• 1:24:09Speaker 03

  And it could help him, you know, get a little bit of bread to make this movie you're talking about. You know, if this costs.

• 1:24:14Stavros Halkias?

  Let's let me stop you right there, Roy. You should never do open mics and say, now this is gonna get me some money. You should go into it being like, this is a financial loser, but I like doing it.

• 1:24:24Speaker 03

  It's a loss leader.

• 1:24:25Stavros Halkias?

  If you randomly get fucking successful, great.

• 1:24:28Speaker 04

  But I I have a feeling that N word joke was straight out of the act.

• 1:24:32Stavros Halkias?

  You're right. The dating the Spanish chick act. That's his closer.

• 1:24:39Speaker 03

  I miss violence and racism.

• 1:24:43Speaker 03

  I think you try and go to one of those hybrid cities. Go to Raleigh Durham where they wear bubble vests but eat cheese grits.

• 1:24:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 1:24:51Speaker 03

  One of those New York overlap-ish.

• 1:24:53Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, no, that's what, yeah, why do you have to be where you are? Like, look, you don't want to go back to living with your fucking parent. But look, at the end of the day, if you also love New York, then maybe it is Long Island. Maybe it is the suburbs. Maybe it's somewhere on the outskirts, like, you know, you know, yeah, I mean, not that a story is cheap. But I just mean, like, if you really love it, you gotta go there and make it work. But if you just want, I think a hybrid could work, whether that's somewhere in the South or whether that's somewhere closer to New York with a smaller, you know, a better cost of living. That might be the way to go, little buddy.

• 1:25:28Speaker 03

  I just don't think that there is any scenario where if where you can build the life you want for yourself if you're not first happy.

• 1:25:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's true.

• 1:25:38Speaker 03

  And whatever misery you have in New York is countered by your spirit being fed. And then that could be the inspiration for you to do better and want more and be able to create more and actually parlay with people that's trying to build versus whoever these people you're working with that just want to be the next.

• 1:25:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:58Speaker 03

  Funny fake ass Andrew Schultz. Like, you don't have punchlines.

• 1:26:02Stavros Halkias?

  You're right.

• 1:26:03Speaker 03

  That's what it sounds like. Sounds like they just do racist jokes with no fucking pizzazz.

• 1:26:08Stavros Halkias?

  I'm curious what he even means by that, because it's like, what, just everybody wants to be the funniest, biggest man in the room. It's like, I don't, doesn't that kind of also sound like New York? Like, what is New York, a lot of fucking demure personalities?

• 1:26:22Speaker 03

  I thought he meant funniest, bigoted man.

• 1:26:25Stavros Halkias?

  No, no.

• 1:26:28Speaker 03

  Forget all that shit before that.

• 1:26:31Stavros Halkias?

  But maybe this is just not your, your like, uh, maybe this is just not your culture and you need to move somewhere where you feel comfortable. But look, you shouldn't want to, you shouldn't move back home, back home. But yeah, if you think you can stick it out and you really want to move back, do it. But also there's a grass is greener situation. Like you might get to New York and then the problems, it'll be like, I love it here, but man, I hate this little ass basement apartment. It's like, you really have to think about what's important to you. I do think you can find a nice middle ground personally. Um, you know, I always thought if I, if I, uh, if I had to move out of New York, I don't, you know, I love it here. I don't want to go anywhere, but it's like, I've been to places where I could be happy

• 1:27:15Stavros Halkias?

  and that were cheaper if I needed them to be. But good luck. We have one last question here. We're going to wrap up with Roy. Thank you so much for coming, dude.

• 1:27:23Speaker 03

  Thank you for having me. That feels my parachute.

• 1:27:25Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:27:26Speaker 03

  I already got my parachute. Yeah.

• 1:27:28Stavros Halkias?

  It's nice. It's nice.

• 1:27:29Speaker 03

  Close enough to Birmingham and shit.

• 1:27:31Stavros Halkias?

  And now it's like, I mean, Theo lives there now. Like it's the, the, um, uh, club is good. They got a, they got a like.

• 1:27:38Speaker 03

  They have a scene.

• 1:27:39Stavros Halkias?

  A real scene.

• 1:27:40Speaker 03

  You can perform every night in Nashville.

• 1:27:41Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:27:42Speaker 03

  It was not the norm.

• 1:27:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:27:44Speaker 03

  Bro, when I, I'm so old, I started in 98. Open mic used to be once a month in some cities.

• 1:27:50Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking wild, dude.

• 1:27:51Speaker 03

  Tampa and Atlanta were the only cities that had consistent weekly open mics.

• 1:27:56Stavros Halkias?

  Wow. Fucking nuts. That is fucking crazy. All right, Eld, what do you got to take us home here?

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• 1:28:48Speaker 11

  Hey staff, elders, and guests. Uh, this isn't a question, but I just had to leave a message because this was funny. We saw you at McGoo bees.

• 1:28:57Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, hell yeah. McGoo bees joke house.

• 1:28:59Speaker 11

  I guess it's been a couple of weeks, but, um, you were calling out dentist for giving away the toothbrush bags and stuff about how much you hate dentist. And it was so funny because I'm a dental hygienist and as soon as I saw you were coming to McGoo bees, I texted my boss, the dentist. And so we were both there at the show and it was just so funny while you were saying that. I was like pointing him out. He was like, yeah, fuck you.

• 1:29:26Stavros Halkias?

  Well, listen.

• 1:29:27Speaker 11

  Humor, but we love you guys. So even though you hate the dentist, we love you. Love you staff, love you all, love you guests.

• 1:29:35Stavros Halkias?

  But what do I need? Fucking a shitty toothbrush, a fucking tube of travel toothpaste and floss in a fucking embroidered little pencil bag? Why do I get that every? You're just giving me trash. Name. I don't need it.

• 1:29:51Speaker 03

  Name another branch of the healthcare industry that actually gives you a fucking grab bag.

• 1:29:59Stavros Halkias?

  All right. Next time I go to this, I'm giving you my grab bag, uh, Roy.

• 1:30:03Speaker 03

  Here's the, here's the wild part about the dentist.

• 1:30:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:06Speaker 03

  You ask for a second toothbrush, they get annoyed.

• 1:30:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:12Speaker 03

  It's a fucking toothbrush.

• 1:30:15Speaker 03

  Give me another one. And they were like, because clearly for me, this is a sneaker cleaning brush.

• 1:30:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Oh, okay. Okay. Respect.

• 1:30:22Speaker 03

  But they were very much. I'll, I'll see. Motherfucker is back there.

• 1:30:27Stavros Halkias?

  Come on. You got a tub of them. You got a tub of them.

• 1:30:30Speaker 03

  We will decide, uh, shut the fuck up.

• 1:30:33Stavros Halkias?

  It just cost me $800 to be here. I can't get another toothbrush?

• 1:30:36Speaker 03

  Fucking toothbrush.

• 1:30:37Stavros Halkias?

  But it's like, you know, you, you told me to get the fucking electric one. You told me to buy a fucking expensive one. Why are you giving me a fucking, you know, whatever, Oral-B bullshit? Anyway.

• 1:30:48Speaker 03

  Oh, it's not even Oral-B. It's like, before he says the name, it's like Charles. What fucking brand is this?

• 1:30:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. I can get that shit, Delta gives you some, some, the same quality toothbrush sometimes.

• 1:31:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, oh yeah, the little fucking.

• 1:31:02Stavros Halkias?

  That little bag.

• 1:31:03Speaker 03

  Lotion bag.

• 1:31:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So anyway, thanks for coming to the Goob's. Uh, I always love to get over, oh fuck, I have to deposit that check, actually.

• 1:31:13Speaker 03

  You better.

• 1:31:14Stavros Halkias?

  The owner's mad at me and he's like, and I also might not be there if I keep waiting, um.

• 1:31:18Speaker 03

  Bro, I've worked those clubs.

• 1:31:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. Alright, we gotta send this episode, I gotta go to Chase Bank, everybody. Roy, thank you so much, guys, watch the special. It's so funny, it's on Hulu right now, it also looks fucking incredible, by the way. Cause I've been, we, we, ever since we, I've produced mine and I've actually started caring about how specials look since then, and it's like, dude, it's fuck, it's, it might be my favorite, since mine came out and we like, cause we watched a bunch of old ones. Yours was like, I'm gonna be watching it when it's time for the next one to like, see how you did a lot of that shit, it looked awesome.

• 1:31:49Speaker 03

  Watch Ari Shafir's and get furious too. Motherfucker got a whole forest on this.

• 1:31:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, that's a little much for me, I think he overdid it personally. I prefer the look of your, I think Ari, look, the, the one he did for Jew was really nice and the lighting was interesting. What, are you in a fucking rainforest cafe, Ari? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought this one was a little much, but whatever.

• 1:32:10Speaker 03

  I was looking at it, I was like, shit, what kind of budgets they got over there?

• 1:32:14Speaker 03

  I wanna be in the jungle.

• 1:32:17Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, but go watch the special, now it's on Hulu right now, Lonely Flowers, and, uh, yeah.

• 1:32:23Speaker 03

  I'm glad we got this done, it only took us two years.

• 1:32:25Stavros Halkias?

  It is funny, I should, I should send the text, we should do a video of the text exchange, it's literally like, what's up, man, I'm gonna be recording, and it's, we went back and forth for literally, like, you were one of the first batch we reached out to when we started the podcast, but we got it done, and, uh, we, uh, we love it, thanks for coming, man, and we will talk to you guys next time, bye bye. Idiot.

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• 1:33:55Speaker 10

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