#110 - Matteo Lane and Nick Smith

Matteo Lane and Nick Smith join the pod to discuss their podcast I Never Liked You, Matteo's Can't Stop Talking Tour, their serendipitous meeting, their preferred Super Smash Bros. characters, Nick's feud with Lizzo, Danny Devito, Nick having a girlfriend before coming out, and much more. Matteo, Nick and Stav help callers including a man concerned about his flat-earther wife's influence on their son, and a woman who wants to reignite the faded interest of a paypig she met on Bumble. Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and use code STAVVY to score $200 IN BONUS BETS INSTANTLY when you bet just $5. For more info, visit https://www.draftkings.com/ Go to https://www.prettylitter.com/stavvy to save 20% off your first order — AND get a free cat toy Check out Matteo and Nick's podcast I Never Liked You: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLsU99VnaUpov58D6ttyS8L3n-j2l8Fg3L See Matteo Lane live and follow him on social media: https://matteolanecomedy.com/ https://www.tiktok.com/@matteolane https://www.instagram.com/matteolane https://www.youtube.com/@matteolanecomedy Follow Nick Smith on social media: https://www.youtube.com/@NickSmith09 https://www.instagram.com/nicksmith09/ https://x.com/thatnicksmith09 https://www.tiktok.com/@thatnicksmith09 🎟️ See Stavvy live on the Dreamboat Tour 🛥️💕!!! https://stavvy.biz/ for tickets 🎥 Rent or buy LET'S START A CULT at https://stavvy.biz/movie ‼️ Bonus episodes every week! Unlock exclusive, Patreon-only episodes at https://www.patreon.com/stavvysworld ☎️ Wanna be part of the show? Call 904-800-STAV and leave a voicemail to get advice!

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:03Speaker 00

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• 0:32Speaker 00

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• 1:01Stavros Halkias?

  Opaha! Welcome, everyone, to Stavi's World. 904-800-Stavi. Call in, we'll solve all your problems. We're happy to have, returning, of course. Not a busboy in a Greek restaurant, even though he does look like it right now.

• 1:16Speaker 02

  I look like a busboy.

• 1:16Stavros Halkias?

  Mateo Lane.

• 1:17Speaker 02

  Man, man. Man, I've got his soul.

• 1:21Speaker 03

  I look like the cast of My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

• 1:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that is true. We do have everyone represented here. And Nick Smith, thank you for coming, first time.

• 1:28Speaker 03

  Nick is Greek, right?

• 1:30Stavros Halkias?

  Nick is Greek, yeah.

• 1:31Speaker 02

  Nikos, yeah.

• 1:32Stavros Halkias?

  Nikolaos.

• 1:35Stavros Halkias?

  Thanks for coming, fellas. You've obviously been here a bunch. Nick, first time, but we're thrilled to have you. I've seen your guys' clips. You do the pod, where, you plug your pod right up top.

• 1:44Speaker 02

  Our podcast is called "I Never Liked You", and it's a 15-minute podcast, and we... I was just telling Aldous we do, so we don't have a studio, but Nick's a real estate agent.

• 1:54Speaker 03

  We don't have much of anything, so... It's pretty choppy.

• 1:57Speaker 02

  It's pretty, yeah. It's a dog and pony show, but we, we find these like 12 million dollar houses that have already been staged.

• 2:04Stavros Halkias?

  That's awesome.

• 2:05Speaker 02

  And then just set up in there, film like 12 episodes in a day and call it, you know, we're like, all right, see you next time, bye.

• 2:10Stavros Halkias?

  That is awesome.

• 2:11Speaker 03

  For three months.

• 2:12Speaker 02

  That's a lie. Nick calls me seven times a day. That's why we did the podcast, cause he calls me so much and the conversation.

• 2:17Stavros Halkias?

  You wanted to monetize it.

• 2:18Speaker 03

  Never has called me.

• 2:19Speaker 02

  Almost never.

• 2:20Speaker 03

  You act like I'm your stalker.

• 2:21Speaker 02

  Kind of.

• 2:22Stavros Halkias?

  How did you guys meet?

• 2:23Speaker 02

  Uh, we met cause him and Bob the Drag, we were blowing each other and then after they realized that there was no sexual chemistry. Cause Nick dresses like a Chinese vase.

• 2:33Stavros Halkias?

  You guys are so sick. Yeah. So we were sucking each other off for three months and then we're like, wait, are you having a good time? Not really. Are you? No. Let's just be boys.

• 2:44Speaker 02

  And didn't you guys start watching YouTube videos together?

• 2:46Speaker 03

  What actually happened?

• 2:48Speaker 02

  That's what happened. By the way, this is a gay McDonald's. What's that character called?

• 2:52Stavros Halkias?

  You are Grimace.

• 2:55Speaker 02

  Gay Eric Grimace, I should say.

• 2:57Speaker 03

  Okay. It was a very straight sort of manly approach.

• 3:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, okay.

• 3:01Stavros Halkias?

  You know, you think he's, you know, a lot of gay Grimaces?

• 3:04Speaker 02

  Well, his name is Grimace. He works for McDonald's.

• 3:07Stavros Halkias?

  That's true.

• 3:08Speaker 03

  Now, Bob and I met on Grindr, as you do, and we hooked up, but that night, after hooking up, we started watching five hours of YouTube videos, specifically golden buzzer moments on Britain's Got Talent.

• 3:21Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 3:21Speaker 02

  That is our crew.

• 3:22Stavros Halkias?

  That's beautiful.

• 3:24Speaker 03

  You do that with your straight friends, right?

• 3:25Stavros Halkias?

  Sure. We, we were watching Howard, actually just yesterday, we were watching Beetlejuice from Howard Stern videos here. So yeah, similar.

• 3:32Speaker 02

  Beetlejuice was the only one.

• 3:33Stavros Halkias?

  After we blow each other, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 3:35Speaker 02

  My favorite whack packer is Eric the actor.

• 3:38Stavros Halkias?

  Eric's good.

• 3:39Speaker 02

  Beetlejuice, it's all, his answers, you never know which, I'm sorry. So go, go ahead.

• 3:43Speaker 03

  Well, anyways, so we started watching that and then we were like, I think we're friends.

• 3:50Speaker 03

  And we were friends for a little bit until he realized that I was a gay orphan with no other gay friends.

• 3:55Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, really?

• 3:56Speaker 03

  And he goes, "You need gay friends here." And then he introduced me to this idiot.

• 3:59Stavros Halkias?

  He pawned you off.

• 4:02Speaker 03

  Hated each other from the jump.

• 4:03Speaker 02

  From the jump.

• 4:04Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 4:05Speaker 02

  Fighting while playing Super Sm- our crew is like Bob the Drag Queen, Monet Exchange, me, our friend Jacob, Nick. And we either only watch YouTube videos all day, or we just play video games together.

• 4:16Stavros Halkias?

  Sure.

• 4:16Speaker 02

  And so when we play Super Smash Brothers, I always play as Jigglypuff.

• 4:20Stavros Halkias?

  Oh.

• 4:20Speaker 02

  Cause you can kind of float around and then come in for the kill.

• 4:23Stavros Halkias?

  Wait, wait, wait, Jigglypuff or J- oh, Jigglypuff, yeah.

• 4:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:27Stavros Halkias?

  Does he have- Kirby has the smash attack.

• 4:29Speaker 02

  Yes, Jiggly has the roll.

• 4:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 4:31Speaker 03

  But Jigglypuff is just a useless pink puff in the air.

• 4:34Stavros Halkias?

  I kind of agree. What's Jigglypuff's big move?

• 4:36Speaker 02

  So.

• 4:37Stavros Halkias?

  Put him to sleep.

• 4:38Speaker 02

  It's called the rollout. No, it's called the rollout. So you could float while everyone's fighting and then you do this roll charge up and you come and you knock people off.

• 4:45Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 4:46Speaker 02

  It's great.

• 4:46Speaker 03

  Now you float in the air until everyone else has died and there's one person left with one life hanging on. And then you come down out of the clouds.

• 4:54Stavros Halkias?

  Is that your cheat maneuver, Matteo?

• 4:55Speaker 02

  It's legal.

• 4:59Stavros Halkias?

  Wow. You play with no honor.

• 5:01Speaker 02

  Cheating.

• 5:01Stavros Halkias?

  You play with no honor.

• 5:03Speaker 02

  No.

• 5:04Stavros Halkias?

  You stay out of the fray.

• 5:05Speaker 02

  But that game's not about honor. That game's about fucking up with your friends.

• 5:08Speaker 03

  He's not getting the Purple Heart of Smash Brothers.

• 5:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. I- who do you play with, Nick?

• 5:12Speaker 03

  Um, you know, I mix it up. I do like Kirby sometimes, or Corin, because she's kind of cool.

• 5:18Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah, she does look cool.

• 5:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 5:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. She's from like the Ray and- the Roy and Marth universe, probably, if I had to guess.

• 5:24Speaker 03

  The what?

• 5:25Stavros Halkias?

  The- those other guys with swords, Roy and Marth.

• 5:28Speaker 03

  Sure, yeah.

• 5:29Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 5:30Speaker 02

  We never really play as the male characters.

• 5:32Speaker 03

  I was gonna say, I'm not playing as a guy.

• 5:34Speaker 02

  When we play in Fortnite, he plays, we call her the secretary. So she's in a pencil skirt with glasses and heels.

• 5:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that is- that's insane because that's for sure, little boys are too- it's too get little boys horny. That's why the sexy secretary.

• 5:48Speaker 02

  Or to empower gay adult men.

• 5:52Speaker 03

  Nothing gets me going more than when I hear.

• 5:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, the heels.

• 5:56Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, the heels.

• 5:57Speaker 02

  And he sucks. We play with our friends, Donnie and Simmer and Corey, who are very straight. They play hockey. They're from Pittsburgh and they're very good at the game. I'm very good at the game.

• 6:05Stavros Halkias?

  Hockey in Pittsburgh, by the way, is what Matteo considers being straight.

• 6:08Speaker 02

  The straightest.

• 6:12Speaker 03

  It's all of us straight guys and then this faggot.

• 6:16Speaker 02

  We've been playing for four years and Nick has learned nothing, nothing. So we're all in a battle.

• 6:22Stavros Halkias?

  Just looking beautiful.

• 6:23Speaker 03

  I just started building.

• 6:24Speaker 02

  Okay, but he is a good sniper, so it's weird that we're in the middle of a battle. All of a sudden you'll see someone die. Nick's like, got him.

• 6:30Stavros Halkias?

  Nice. Awesome. I like that. There's nothing wrong with that.

• 6:33Speaker 03

  Someone like that on the team.

• 6:34Stavros Halkias?

  I do like a sniper. A sniper has more honor than Jigglypuff.

• 6:38Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 6:40Stavros Halkias?

  You never see.

• 6:41Speaker 03

  Most things have more honor than Jigglypuff.

• 6:43Stavros Halkias?

  You can put him to sleep as Jigglypuff.

• 6:45Speaker 02

  Sure, but what Jigglypuff, her better move is called Dream Eater. And what happens is when you get really close to someone and press down B, she falls asleep and it knocks them off. But it's very hard to get. It was better in Melee. I liked Melee on GameCube better.

• 6:59Stavros Halkias?

  I'm a GameCube guy as well.

• 7:00Speaker 02

  I just bought a GameCube. I've been replaying it.

• 7:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 7:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, me and Chris Condon, great comic, shout out. We've been playing X-Men Legends.

• 7:06Stavros Halkias?

  Ooh, that was a good one.

• 7:08Speaker 03

  What's that dragon? I played that on GameCube. It was a, he was a purple dragon.

• 7:13Stavros Halkias?

  Spyro was PlayStation.

• 7:14Speaker 03

  Spyro. No, it was on GameCube.

• 7:16Stavros Halkias?

  I don't remember if they ported it over. I, I, I feel like you know what you're talking. I feel like you.

• 7:20Speaker 03

  Cause I only had, my brother was really big into gaming and I really wasn't. I only had a GameCube to play Mario Kart and Spyro.

• 7:28Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting. I'll take your word for it. I feel like you're, you know, you have a few cherished gaming memories and I won't take those from you.

• 7:35Speaker 03

  Are you kidding me right now?

• 7:38Speaker 02

  I decided this weekend I'm gonna vape and then I'll be done. I go in and I'll like.

• 7:41Stavros Halkias?

  Have you ever vaped before?

• 7:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, roast bud.

• 7:43Speaker 03

  Every day for the last year. What are you talking about?

• 7:46Speaker 02

  It comes and goes. So is Bob. Bob's vaping now too.

• 7:49Speaker 03

  Okay, well, you throw everybody on.

• 7:51Speaker 02

  All right.

• 7:53Speaker 02

  I won't.

• 7:55Stavros Halkias?

  I like, by the way, Matteo, this, you can tell when you really believe in hair plugs when you go with that haircut. This is the, this is the like, alright, they took, I'm gonna really flaunt them.

• 8:07Speaker 03

  Paid for hair transplant.

• 8:10Stavros Halkias?

  I respect it, I respect it.

• 8:12Speaker 02

  It's not about the hair, it's about the hairline. Those who have lost their hair know, it's about the hairline. And I wanted a buzz because I don't want to think about it. My relationship with my hair has been difficult and triggering.

• 8:25Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 8:25Speaker 02

  So I just want to get out of fucking bed and that's it. And so I go to this guy, this Dominican guy, his name is, well, his name is Jaime, but he goes by Nelson. I have no idea. Anyway, but then he told me, because I was like, I want a buzz cut, think of they're just gonna buzz it. And he was very much like, no, it has to be real artistic style. You have to really cut it, you have to know.

• 8:44Stavros Halkias?

  So he could charge you eighty dollars instead of just twenty bucks for a buzz.

• 8:50Speaker 02

  And I do it. I leave with full confidence. I'm like, this guy knows.

• 8:54Stavros Halkias?

  I'd like to see a straight buzz, just to, just to see what it looks like.

• 8:57Speaker 02

  I mean, this is, it's already a week out, so I mean, it grows pretty, I'm an oxidol, so my hair grows really quickly. So I'm going like every other week to get my hair cut. But I like it. I think it's a good look.

• 9:08Speaker 03

  I mean, your head shape works for it.

• 9:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:11Stavros Halkias?

  It's a good look. I like it.

• 9:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:13Stavros Halkias?

  I, I, yeah, that's, that's, I, I really think it's a power move to, to get plugs and then go buzz it.

• 9:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, you've known me at all my hair.

• 9:21Stavros Halkias?

  I have.

• 9:21Speaker 02

  From the, wearing the hat, I only wore hats, and then I had like the coiff look to kind of cover it. And then I had the, I don't even know, lesbian chic last year. And then I got the other hair transplant, so now.

• 9:32Speaker 03

  The other spectrum of lesbian chic.

• 9:33Speaker 02

  Lesbian chic as well.

• 9:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 9:35Speaker 02

  Me and Paris Sache rocking the same haircut.

• 9:40Speaker 02

  Paris makes me laugh harder than I think anybody.

• 9:42Stavros Halkias?

  She's awesome.

• 9:43Speaker 02

  Has she been on this podcast before, dude? She's fucking so fucking, I fucking, I love her. She's also a great hang.

• 9:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, no, I mean, I, me, Paris goes all the way, we did open mics in DC together. I knew her when she was, still thought she was straight.

• 9:58Speaker 02

  Right.

• 9:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, a wild time, didn't it?

• 10:00Speaker 02

  When her name was Barcelona.

• 10:02Stavros Halkias?

  She was, it was awesome. I remember. Her being drunk as shit at a hookah bar, uh, open mic and me thinking she was just a fun audience member and it was like one of their first times she had done a stand. They called her up and she was just like, uh, like fucking so fucked up.

• 10:17Speaker 02

  But didn't we all have to drink when we first went up?

• 10:19Stavros Halkias?

  I never did. I'm an artist. I'm an artist, Matteo. I got up there, talked about not being so fat, I couldn't wipe my ass sober as a, as an open mic'er. Yeah, I mean, my, my material is so atrocious. My material is so.

• 10:33Speaker 02

  He certainly didn't hear that this first open mic. Pumping in the applause.

• 10:37Stavros Halkias?

  Eldis actually was there.

• 10:39Speaker 04

  Oh, I saw that joke probably hundreds of times back in college.

• 10:42Stavros Halkias?

  Relax about hundreds.

• 10:43Speaker 02

  The artist had to work out that joke.

• 10:46Stavros Halkias?

  You have to work that out. That was, that was in the, I would say it was never a show stopper, but it was in the middle of, you know, kind of filler, but kind of on the stronger end of filler. I, if.

• 10:56Speaker 02

  It gave you an identity to the other wannabe comics?

• 10:59Stavros Halkias?

  Well, it just, I just needed it structurally for my act at the time. I needed to get to, I believe another one was the, there was a punchline that was the paddling up the river of semen and tears was one of them. Cause I'm, cause I'm jerking off and, and crying, you know? I'm not getting, so.

• 11:16Speaker 04

  We're used to that. That was Stav's big closer for years.

• 11:19Stavros Halkias?

  Not, relax with the years. It was the first year that was my big closer.

• 11:24Speaker 04

  The open mic years, you were doing it a lot and I thought I was like going crazy cause I would see this thing like kill and like so many open mics in like College Park, Maryland and shit. I'm like, what is going on?

• 11:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 11:35Speaker 04

  I mean, it was funny, but like that really did bring the house down.

• 11:39Stavros Halkias?

  Brought the house down, brother.

• 11:41Speaker 02

  I was closing on Christina Aguilera doing the alphabet joke for a solid year in New York.

• 11:47Speaker 03

  So you haven't changed.

• 11:49Speaker 02

  I haven't changed. To be honest, Nick just started doing open mics.

• 11:53Stavros Halkias?

  Ah, wow, why?

• 11:54Speaker 02

  I said, if you want to do stand up.

• 11:56Stavros Halkias?

  Don't do it, Nick.

• 11:58Speaker 02

  I did. I said, if you want to do stand up, I said, you gotta do, don't do these bringer shows. You don't get, you go, you gotta go to the mics.

• 12:03Stavros Halkias?

  I agree.

• 12:04Speaker 02

  You gotta, but the, the scene has changed dramatically than when we started.

• 12:08Speaker 03

  Semen and tears, not as much of a hit.

• 12:10Stavros Halkias?

  Really?

• 12:11Speaker 03

  Not as much of a hit.

• 12:12Stavros Halkias?

  We'll see about that. You, I'd love to be able to take me, yeah, I'm gonna do the, like the undercover boss thing, but change my face to be an open mic'er again and just do my pathetic material.

• 12:22Speaker 04

  No one will recognize you.

• 12:24Speaker 02

  What are you gonna dress up like the Penguin? Like, how are you gonna dress like a monocle and a top hat? Like, what are you gonna do?

• 12:29Stavros Halkias?

  I'll tell you what I, okay, that's a good idea. To stay out of problematic territory, that really leaves us with, I'd have to go Nordic, probably.

• 12:38Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 12:38Stavros Halkias?

  You know what I mean? I'd have to go like, super bleach blonde, you know?

• 12:42Speaker 02

  You think as a Greek that you could ever pass for Nordic?

• 12:45Stavros Halkias?

  That's what I'm saying. It would take a little makeup.

• 12:47Speaker 02

  A little.

• 12:48Stavros Halkias?

  You know? It would take quite a bit of makeup.

• 12:51Speaker 03

  I believe in you.

• 12:51Stavros Halkias?

  Thank you, Nick, I appreciate that.

• 12:53Speaker 03

  What would your name be?

• 12:55Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm, Zven. Yeah, no, we gotta get him off the scent.

• 13:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, maybe it would be hard for me to also be Nordic, I think.

• 13:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, I guess it is much easier to go from thin to fat. It's kinda hard to just, I guess I could be even fatter.

• 13:16Speaker 03

  You could throw a corset on.

• 13:17Stavros Halkias?

  Ooh, corset, some body, some shapewear.

• 13:20Speaker 02

  I could be in a Jiminy Glick outfit.

• 13:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 13:25Stavros Halkias?

  And what do you do?

• 13:28Stavros Halkias?

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• 14:12Stavros Halkias?

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• 15:36Speaker 02

  I went to the Knicks game last night with Sam Morrell.

• 15:38Stavros Halkias?

  How was it?

• 15:39Speaker 02

  It was awesome. Well, I mean, it was awesome. First of all, I was in love with it because I was sitting courtside with Sam Morrell, looking at Anne Hathaway and Michael J. Fox. And then Sam was like, dude, we can watch games anytime. You can come upstairs. This is a courtside thing. I like the food, the steak, the celebrities. But it was a really good game and I think Hart, what's his name? Hart on the Knicks?

• 15:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yep.

• 15:59Speaker 02

  Uh, is hot.

• 16:01Speaker 03

  Did you know what was happening?

• 16:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know what the hell. I know basketball.

• 16:05Speaker 03

  Do.

• 16:05Speaker 02

  I used to go.

• 16:06Stavros Halkias?

  It's crazy.

• 16:08Speaker 02

  I do.

• 16:08Stavros Halkias?

  Basketball's much easier to follow.

• 16:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:11Stavros Halkias?

  Ball in the hoop. You know what I mean?

• 16:13Speaker 03

  Okay, but like.

• 16:14Speaker 02

  Do you know what's going on with basketball?

• 16:16Speaker 03

  I used to play as a child.

• 16:18Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, really?

• 16:18Speaker 03

  As a boy.

• 16:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 16:21Speaker 03

  I'm six foot three, of course I did.

• 16:22Speaker 02

  Well, you played volleyball? What did you play?

• 16:24Speaker 03

  I did play volleyball and soccer and baseball and track.

• 16:28Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, a multi-sport athlete. Where'd you grow up?

• 16:32Speaker 03

  Uh, right outside Scranton, Pennsylvania.

• 16:35Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, working class.

• 16:36Speaker 02

  What's the name of the town?

• 16:37Speaker 03

  The name of the town is New Melford.

• 16:39Speaker 02

  And how many people live there?

• 16:40Speaker 03

  750.

• 16:42Stavros Halkias?

  And who's the mayor?

• 16:43Speaker 03

  My father.

• 16:46Stavros Halkias?

  Well, I didn't know we were talking to New Milford royalty.

• 16:49Speaker 03

  I am the second, I'm the spare air.

• 16:52Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, yeah. Uh, you were the second.

• 16:54Speaker 02

  I was waiting for Guffman, you've seen Waiting for Guffman?

• 16:56Stavros Halkias?

  It's been a long time.

• 16:57Speaker 02

  The town is like a small town and like Blaine, this guy named Blaine discovered the town, so they interviewed this woman. She's like, being a Blaine hasn't been easy. I can certainly relate to how the Kennedys feel.

• 17:10Stavros Halkias?

  What's the, what are the mayoral duties of, of New Milford?

• 17:14Speaker 02

  Making sure that method isn't on the street.

• 17:16Speaker 03

  Honestly, not even that. He doesn't have to really do anything.

• 17:19Stavros Halkias?

  He's still the mayor.

• 17:20Speaker 03

  He's still the, it's funny, I called my mom the other day because there was.

• 17:23Stavros Halkias?

  So how many, I'm just, just, was you, when you were a boy, was he the mayor of New Milford?

• 17:27Speaker 03

  No, so he's been mayor right when I graduated high school, so it's been maybe almost 15 years now.

• 17:34Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, wow.

• 17:35Speaker 03

  And I forget that he's mayor all the time. And I called my mom the other day because there was a pretty major election recently, in case.

• 17:41Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 17:42Speaker 03

  Uh, and I called.

• 17:43Stavros Halkias?

  Did it, did it affect the, the local New Milford race?

• 17:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 17:47Stavros Halkias?

  Did it go that far down ballot?

• 17:49Speaker 03

  Was really tight. But I called my mom.

• 17:52Stavros Halkias?

  Who'd he endorse?

• 17:56Speaker 03

  Lot of signs, a lot of, they were actually, they were waiting for his endorsement.

• 17:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 18:02Speaker 03

  Maybe that's why we lost Pennsylvania.

• 18:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. If only all 750 New Milford residents had voted.

• 18:09Speaker 03

  In hindsight, but I called my mom and I was like, oh, is dad on the ballot? And she goes, oh, I don't think so actually. And I said, well, when is he up for election? She goes, to be quite honest, I don't know. I actually forgot he was the mayor.

• 18:23Speaker 03

  I was like, you're the first lady of New Milford.

• 18:25Stavros Halkias?

  Show some fucking, yeah, show some respect for the office.

• 18:28Speaker 02

  We did, one time me, Bob and Nick were like, we look up like aerial views of, um, where we grew up. So Bob grew up in Atlanta, I grew up in Chicago, so of course there's like these, uh, uh, uh.

• 18:41Speaker 03

  Drone footage of like the cities.

• 18:44Speaker 02

  So then we looked up and they have one of Nick's and they didn't like put music with it, so you just hear the drone like.

• 18:51Speaker 02

  And it's going up a tree that is just like a shitty church with like a shitty main street.

• 18:55Speaker 03

  Meth house.

• 18:56Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, hell yeah.

• 18:57Speaker 03

  Priest's house.

• 18:58Speaker 02

  Did you guys have like stoplights in the town?

• 19:00Speaker 03

  We don't have it, it's one mile long.

• 19:02Stavros Halkias?

  The whole town, one mile?

• 19:03Speaker 03

  There's not a single stoplight. There's one intersection that there could be, they can't afford it. There are a couple of bridges, one is out, they can't afford to fix it.

• 19:13Stavros Halkias?

  So it's all, it's just a stop sign at the intersection?

• 19:17Speaker 03

  There are stop signs.

• 19:17Stavros Halkias?

  Okay, that's cool. Well, you can build off that.

• 19:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:21Stavros Halkias?

  You can go from stop sign to, to street light.

• 19:23Speaker 03

  A lot of bars, a lot of garages for cars, and a lot of churches.

• 19:28Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 19:29Speaker 03

  It's one mile long and there are six churches.

• 19:33Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 19:34Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 19:34Stavros Halkias?

  Was the school there or did you have to go to a neighboring town?

• 19:37Speaker 03

  The school's like up on the hill. It was maybe like a six minute drive.

• 19:40Speaker 02

  This is why his education didn't happen and why we got into a fight with Lizzo publicly when.

• 19:46Stavros Halkias?

  You beefed with Lizzo?

• 19:47Speaker 02

  We did.

• 19:49Speaker 03

  We're not even one of her backup teams.

• 19:54Speaker 03

  Actually, I brought her out of her silence.

• 19:58Stavros Halkias?

  Nick did.

• 19:59Speaker 03

  That's power.

• 19:59Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, that is huge. He really did. Okay, interesting. So what happened?

• 20:03Speaker 02

  We were doing.

• 20:04Stavros Halkias?

  Did she still making people eat bananas out of each other's asses?

• 20:07Speaker 03

  Well, so that was one of the projects. He made me eat a banana.

• 20:13Speaker 02

  That's sort of a, oh. No, we were talking about, we were talking about Disney movies. Anyway, so I said.

• 20:18Speaker 03

  World War II.

• 20:19Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 20:19Speaker 03

  I didn't know when World War II was.

• 20:21Speaker 02

  And I said, okay, I'll give you a clue. We entered the war when The Wizard of Oz came out. I said, do you know when, when, when World War II was? He goes, the 1800s? I go, you think in the 1800s we had cameras and planes? And he said, well, wait. And I said, 1939. He goes, you mean to tell me that the world went to war and our response was The Wizard of Oz? Which is a funny response. So Lizzo hadn't talked publicly for months since her incident.

• 20:47Speaker 03

  Silence.

• 20:48Speaker 02

  She, all of a sudden on her TikTok, everyone's messaging us. Our video comes up and then she comments doing her makeup like, I hope these two are joking because this is sad about the American education.

• 20:58Stavros Halkias?

  Wait, really?

• 20:58Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 20:59Stavros Halkias?

  Just completely unprovoked.

• 21:01Speaker 03

  Unprovoked. She posts a three minute TikTok response calling me the failure of the American education. Which in her defense.

• 21:11Stavros Halkias?

  Why the fuck would Lizzo weigh in on that?

• 21:13Speaker 03

  She's not. Why would she weigh in? You are right. She's not wrong.

• 21:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 21:18Speaker 03

  She's not wrong. I am a failure of the American education system, but that's what broke your silence.

• 21:23Stavros Halkias?

  And then some PR person's like, look, white gay guys, you're safe. They're white, so fucking weird. So people are gonna be against them? They're gay, so homophobes are gonna be against them. That's the sweet spot. I maybe would have targeted masked white lesbians if I were you to be a little safer, but go ahead. Well, this video, this video really speaks to you. Go off, Lizzo.

• 21:44Speaker 02

  And then comments were great because they were one going after Lizzo and Nick at the same time. They're like, Nick may be a fucking moron, Lizzo.

• 21:52Speaker 02

  Don't you have allegations for sexual misconduct?

• 21:55Speaker 03

  In Nick's defense, he knows nothing, Lizzo. Those are our fans.

• 22:00Speaker 02

  But then a week later, she put a giant post on her Instagram. She was like, that's it. I'm quitting Instagram. And then people were saying, Nick.

• 22:07Speaker 03

  DMs like, oh, you did it. You did it.

• 22:10Stavros Halkias?

  That's, that is actually so powerful. The fact that out of nowhere, first of all, that she would see the video is interesting.

• 22:17Speaker 02

  I know.

• 22:18Stavros Halkias?

  It's like, how the fuck, you're like, we're friends and I don't remember that video. Like, your stuff pops up on my timeline, but it's like.

• 22:24Speaker 03

  But she went on to her TikTok.

• 22:26Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 22:27Speaker 03

  And somehow that was on her For You page.

• 22:29Stavros Halkias?

  And it pissed her off so much, she didn't just like send it to a friend and say, look at this fucking dummy. She.

• 22:36Speaker 03

  She made a three-minute response.

• 22:38Stavros Halkias?

  That was her first post for, for months. That's awesome.

• 22:41Speaker 02

  I know.

• 22:42Stavros Halkias?

  You have no, you have no history with Lizzo whatsoever.

• 22:45Speaker 03

  We don't know her. We do not, we do not know her. I like her music.

• 22:50Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 22:51Speaker 02

  I don't like her music anymore, not today.

• 22:53Speaker 03

  One time she made me eat a banana, but other than that, nothing.

• 22:57Stavros Halkias?

  Have you ever drawn the iron of, the ire of plus-size black women before? Is it something about you? Cause I have friends that certain people, just for whatever reason, certain people don't like them. Has that ever been a, an issue?

• 23:10Speaker 03

  Most people don't like you, not in defense.

• 23:13Speaker 02

  I was gonna say, stop Russ, I'm gonna stop you there. You can't get too philosophical about this. No one likes me.

• 23:18Speaker 03

  Name the demographic, they don't like me.

• 23:20Speaker 02

  Almost every single week, there's more mob mentality coming after us, how much they hate Nick. He's an idiot, he knows nothing, he's pissed. We pissed off everybody.

• 23:30Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 23:31Speaker 02

  And I thought, okay, I'll do a short little 15 minute podcast with my friend, it'll be fun. We've got good chemistry and then in a few weeks, we're in a fight with everybody.

• 23:38Stavros Halkias?

  That's awesome. Well, let's, how about we backtrack and kind of see how this was created? Cause I'm fascinated, a couple, a couple of data points here. First, being, growing up in Scranton, or outside of Scranton, whatever, in a small ass town. That's very interesting. And then where we started, where you said you were a gay orphan, you had no gay friends.

• 23:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:58Stavros Halkias?

  Let's, let's kind of like, how do we get there? Were there, who was the gayest person you knew growing up?

• 24:04Speaker 02

  Besides your outfit?

• 24:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 24:06Speaker 03

  Surprisingly, all these years later, I went to school with the same 90 kids from preschool to 12th grade.

• 24:13Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, that's tough. That sucks no matter who you are.

• 24:16Speaker 03

  I was class.

• 24:17Stavros Halkias?

  Because you can't re, you, you're kind of stuck into the, the dynamics of preschool.

• 24:21Speaker 03

  Everyone knows everyone.

• 24:22Stavros Halkias?

  Whatever you did, if you fucking shit your pants as a little kid, that would follow you until you were 18.

• 24:28Speaker 03

  And did.

• 24:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 24:30Speaker 03

  But we all hated each other by the end of it. I was class president and I gave a speech at graduation.

• 24:34Stavros Halkias?

  Politics runs in the family.

• 24:39Speaker 03

  We are, we are, we're the Kennedys.

• 24:40Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, you're the Kennedys of New Milford.

• 24:42Speaker 03

  Just haven't been killed yet.

• 24:43Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 24:44Speaker 03

  But this is not an exaggeration, verbatim at my class speech at graduation. I literally go, well, we made it. We don't like each other, probably won't keep in touch after this. But we, we did it and the local newspaper literally printed a headline, class divided.

• 25:02Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 25:04Speaker 03

  And it's true, we still don't talk, we've never had a class reunion. Partly because I'm responsible for putting that together and I'm certainly not doing that shit.

• 25:13Stavros Halkias?

  It's you, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 25:13Speaker 03

  But in hindsight, what I was gonna say, 90 people, there are 10 gays.

• 25:18Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 25:20Speaker 03

  Yeah. Popping out faggots left and right in New York or Pennsylvania.

• 25:24Speaker 02

  I feel like my graduating class was like 700 and it was like me and one other person. Like, there were like no gays.

• 25:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, a lot of gays from my class.

• 25:32Stavros Halkias?

  And was there, did anybody, was everybody closeted the whole time?

• 25:35Speaker 03

  Everyone was closeted, except there were maybe like a couple that were out back then. Not treated well, as you could probably imagine.

• 25:43Speaker 02

  But Nick had a girlfriend.

• 25:44Speaker 03

  I did have a girlfriend in high school. She was the only one that cried when I came out.

• 25:52Speaker 03

  But we met doing musicals and I was practicing the softball pitch in my backyard. So who's the idiot there?

• 25:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, that's.

• 25:59Speaker 03

  That's on her.

• 26:00Stavros Halkias?

  That is, I, I absolutely, that's a tale as old as time, though, is the like, the earnest, straight girl who'd like, who doesn't understand that what she's attracted to.

• 26:10Speaker 02

  Theater girl.

• 26:11Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, the theater girl who doesn't understand that that pizzazz that she's attracted to is not a straight quality.

• 26:17Speaker 02

  I mean, they were both auditioning for Elphaba and she's like, this is my man.

• 26:22Speaker 03

  We did a drag number of Grease and I played Olivia Newton-John. But now there's no way to hide.

• 26:32Stavros Halkias?

  That's awesome.

• 26:33Speaker 03

  Devastating.

• 26:34Stavros Halkias?

  Just seeing you, just seeing you with a cherry red lip being like, ooh, when I get my hands on him,

• 26:42Stavros Halkias?

  I'm going to have straight intercourse with that man.

• 26:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, Nick's life.

• 26:47Stavros Halkias?

  That's, you never had, you, you never had a girlfriend.

• 26:49Speaker 03

  He did have a girlfriend.

• 26:50Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, we talked about this, yes, at the.

• 26:52Speaker 03

  Oh, Francesca.

• 26:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yes, um, but that was, you know, your, your Michael's, your Michael's, uh, another, another sign. If it's a, if it's a, if it's a musical or an arts and craft store where you met your, where you met your high school boyfriend, gals, we got news for you. He's probably gay. Yeah.

• 27:10Speaker 02

  Oh, my aunt, my aunt Cindy, by the way, loved the clip about the maleficent style. She loved it. I did, that clip really took off.

• 27:18Stavros Halkias?

  It really did, it really did.

• 27:19Speaker 02

  It really took off, so.

• 27:20Stavros Halkias?

  It was awesome. That was one of my favorite moments of the podcast.

• 27:22Speaker 02

  And she was like, I just didn't know. And she goes, I just thought he wanted like a maleficent.

• 27:26Stavros Halkias?

  On some level, she knew.

• 27:27Speaker 02

  Oh, she knew.

• 27:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 27:29Speaker 02

  When you say, when you're buying your, your nephew some horned bitch.

• 27:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. A, a cri- a crystal bitchy woman.

• 27:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 27:37Stavros Halkias?

  It's a little boy.

• 27:38Speaker 03

  That was the other thing is she, so my ex-girlfriend, I don't even know why I'm calling her ex-girlfriend. We were children. She cried, but similar to Matteo's family, your aunt being like, we should have known. When I came out, I only came out to my mother and my grandmother and both had the exact same response. It was after I'd moved to New York after my freshman year of college. I told them both and they both go, well, everyone talks about it.

• 28:06Speaker 03

  But no one was gonna say it before you did.

• 28:12Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking awesome.

• 28:13Speaker 03

  Give a context clue to me at least. I would've come out years ago.

• 28:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is so funny.

• 28:19Speaker 03

  We all talk about it.

• 28:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, we're, uh, yeah, I mean, it's gonna be interesting to see. I mean, my brother, my brother's trying to have kids and he's talking about how he just wants the gayest son of all time. My little brother's like, that would be so sick.

• 28:31Speaker 03

  A lot of crime.

• 28:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, well, you know, could be fun.

• 28:34Speaker 03

  Yeah, but in a Greek family, gays, please.

• 28:38Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, but the real classic, see, Greek gay is like, uh, you really enjoy the secret gay sex you have. That's sort of the more Greek style.

• 28:48Speaker 03

  You mean shame?

• 28:49Stavros Halkias?

  Huh? No, there's very little shame. Greek guys are like, oh.

• 28:52Speaker 03

  They invented gay sex.

• 28:53Stavros Halkias?

  Greek guys are like, wow, I fucked the guy. I'm not gay. That's sort of like Greek logic. That's Greek, that's ancient Greek philosophy.

• 29:02Speaker 03

  They didn't let that one go.

• 29:03Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, no.

• 29:05Speaker 03

  It's like that meme that goes around where they were saying the strongest soldiers were the ones that swallowed the most loads.

• 29:13Stavros Halkias?

  Holy shit. I didn't know we got, we got a five-star general on the couch.

• 29:20Stavros Halkias?

  Play taps, Elvis.

• 29:29Speaker 02

  Really make my parents proud.

• 29:34Speaker 02

  I know, they did say that. They were like, oh, because they thought that they were like passing down knowledge. I was like, first of all, no one's ever received knowledge from a top. Let's get that out of the way.

• 29:41Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting, yes. It's funny how much like ancient shit you hear about where it's like, one gay guy was in charge. And that's how I was like, yeah, you actually um, get strength from sucking my dick. You know what I mean? It's like, it's just so clear when you go back, the same way like every religion has a little hat. It's because the guys in charge all had bald spots. There's no way God-

• 30:03Speaker 03

  They should have had his doctor.

• 30:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

• 30:06Speaker 03

  Wouldn't it matter? They would have shaved it anyways, apparently.

• 30:08Stavros Halkias?

  They would have taken a little-

• 30:09Speaker 02

  I think it looks good.

• 30:10Stavros Halkias?

  It does look good, buddy.

• 30:11Speaker 03

  Is Julius Caesar Greek?

• 30:12Speaker 02

  No, he's Italian.

• 30:13Speaker 03

  What?

• 30:14Speaker 02

  He's Roman.

• 30:15Stavros Halkias?

  He's Roman.

• 30:15Speaker 02

  Ancient Rome. Oh, so here we go.

• 30:18Stavros Halkias?

  I like this, yeah. They stole our whole shit, Nick. That's not your fault.

• 30:22Speaker 02

  We did.

• 30:22Speaker 03

  That is not my fault. No, that's not my fault.

• 30:26Speaker 02

  I will say where Julius was stabbed in Rome is now, they have it, you can still like see it, it's just there. But it's now become a cat sanctuary. So when you walk by, look, well, that's Caesar. He was killed there, but then there's just like a bunch of cats running around.

• 30:39Speaker 03

  Well, my birthday is the Ides of March, which has something to do with Caesar, right?

• 30:43Stavros Halkias?

  That's when he got killed, I believe.

• 30:44Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah. Maybe where the Ides of March- He can reincarnated.

• 30:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's it.

• 30:47Stavros Halkias?

  He did love purple. He was, he was big on purple.

• 30:51Speaker 03

  He was a big, uh, big supporter of grimace.

• 30:53Stavros Halkias?

  And I believe he was, I feel like though all those Roman guy, a lot of them were kinda, if not gay, bi. He had a wife, but he-

• 31:00Speaker 03

  Everyone was gay back then.

• 31:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 31:02Speaker 02

  Well, they had different rules. I just watched like a whole history. I love that shit. You ever see Weird History on YouTube?

• 31:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, sometimes they'll, they'll pop up.

• 31:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, and so they were talking about like what it's like to be gay, like in the Greek times and Roman times and stuff. I mean, there was kind of rules to it. It wasn't so, it wasn't the way we view gay today.

• 31:20Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 31:20Speaker 02

  There was still like, you know- It was not looked down upon, but it what like there was still, it was always like left with a little bit of like.

• 31:27Stavros Halkias?

  There was, I, I really was, I was, that's the joke I made earlier was they did kinda see it as like, getting fucked in the ass was like childish. Because, because they would fuck, that was like a thing you did as a boy, you and your friends would fuck each other. You would just get, getting molested was such a part of the fucking culture that they're like, wow. What, you grow up, you still get fucked in the ass? That's what you do when you're 15? That's, that was literally how they looked at it. There was like a.

• 31:52Speaker 02

  Even though they only lived to 19.

• 31:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. It was like in a play, they had like a specific name for like grown men that get fucked in the ass.

• 31:59Speaker 02

  Well, the Pope said it, Frattoni, like faggotry.

• 32:02Stavros Halkias?

  That's.

• 32:02Speaker 02

  That's hysterical.

• 32:03Stavros Halkias?

  Awesome. I mean, that's, to see it.

• 32:05Speaker 02

  And he said it twice. And by the way, everyone in Italy was laughing about it. Like, everyone was like, ah.

• 32:10Stavros Halkias?

  Cause he put a little, it's like a, it's like a, he put a little stank on it.

• 32:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, because it wasn't, Fro, Frocho means faggot, right? And Frocino is like little faggot. He said, Froch, can you look it up? I think it's Frocha.

• 32:22Speaker 03

  Like little faggot boy.

• 32:23Speaker 02

  No, it means, it literally means faggotry.

• 32:26Stavros Halkias?

  It's in his already, like it pops up, it auto.

• 32:28Speaker 02

  Pope faggotry.

• 32:29Stavros Halkias?

  Eldis, Eldis has like in his bookmarks way to say.

• 32:33Speaker 02

  In Italian. Yeah, click on the first one. Let's see what he said. Uh, yes, it's a faggotry. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 32:37Stavros Halkias?

  We, we covered this on Kush Brothers, Eldis.

• 32:41Speaker 02

  Yeah, Froch, Froch, uh, Frocine.

• 32:44Speaker 03

  Frochagina.

• 32:45Speaker 02

  Frocine, Frocangina.

• 32:47Stavros Halkias?

  Frocho and Frocino. Frocino is so funny. To put a little cute suffix on a slur is so fucking funny.

• 32:56Speaker 02

  Just a wee little faggot.

• 33:00Speaker 03

  But not wrong. In the Vatican, there is a lot of era faggotry.

• 33:03Speaker 02

  Fucking ball gown. There are times when you walk through Rome and I'll like the corner of my eye, I see a store, I'm like Drag Race? And then it's like a Pope place, like a cardinal place to buy dresses for themselves.

• 33:14Speaker 03

  They're wearing bejeweled crucifixes.

• 33:16Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, no, it's gay, it's.

• 33:17Speaker 03

  I mean, who do they think they are? Madonna?

• 33:19Speaker 02

  It's like a Lady Gaga concert. Get out of here.

• 33:21Stavros Halkias?

  They are setting the mood. It's absolutely gay as hell for sure.

• 33:23Speaker 02

  I have to pee so bad. You guys.

• 33:24Speaker 03

  Are you kidding me?

• 33:26Stavros Halkias?

  You can go ahead.

• 33:27Speaker 03

  Can we be professional?

• 33:29Stavros Halkias?

  This guy.

• 33:30Speaker 03

  Do you see why we can only do 15 minutes?

• 33:33Speaker 03

  Jesus Christ.

• 33:35Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, that, so, it, so, did you, were you the only child of the, of the?

• 33:39Speaker 03

  No, I have an older brother, but people say I give only child energy.

• 33:43Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 33:43Speaker 03

  He's four years older, though.

• 33:45Stavros Halkias?

  Okay.

• 33:45Speaker 03

  I forget that I have a brother sometimes.

• 33:47Stavros Halkias?

  That's, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 33:48Speaker 03

  I'm just kidding, he probably watches us. I've had a podcast with Matteo for a year now.

• 33:52Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 33:53Speaker 03

  Not a single word from this man, and we couldn't be more opposite.

• 33:56Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 33:57Speaker 03

  He's straight, bald, kinda chubby, lives on a farm, wife, two kids.

• 34:01Stavros Halkias?

  Sounds like our kinda guy.

• 34:03Speaker 03

  Sure.

• 34:03Stavros Halkias?

  He might be listening for real.

• 34:04Speaker 03

  He, well, so, I was gonna say, I've had a podcast for a year, never mentioned it. We go on Andrew Santino's podcast.

• 34:10Stavros Halkias?

  Oh.

• 34:10Speaker 03

  You are on Andrew Santino's podcast. Yes, and your brother has a podcast, Jordan. I bet you listen to that every once in a while.

• 34:18Speaker 02

  Santino's podcast, suddenly Nick was, you did Andrew Santino's podcast?

• 34:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. I love that, though. And so you moved, you left, you came here to study what? Theater?

• 34:27Speaker 03

  Opera.

• 34:28Stavros Halkias?

  Opera, oh, is that interesting?

• 34:30Speaker 02

  Which he has a really beautiful opera. I know he sounds like Squidward, but he has like a really beautiful

• 34:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 34:35Speaker 02

  baritone bass.

• 34:36Speaker 03

  I think we need to backtrack a little. Why did you think I came to study theater?

• 34:42Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, cuz, cuz.

• 34:43Speaker 03

  Because why?

• 34:44Stavros Halkias?

  Because of the Luvia Newton-John anecdote from earlier.

• 34:52Stavros Halkias?

  Because of that.

• 34:53Speaker 03

  Cause I'm Greek.

• 34:54Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 34:55Speaker 02

  There's a video of Nick singing opera on YouTube we can look up, and it's really good.

• 34:59Speaker 03

  We don't need to look it up.

• 34:59Speaker 02

  Yes, you do. Go to YouTube and type Nick Smith opera.

• 35:02Speaker 03

  I was nineteen and it, we don't need to look it up.

• 35:04Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, what, opera seems like so impossible to have, like, stand-up is stupid and hard to make a career in, but I have a friend who, she sings, she's an opera singer, and it seems so impossible to just like, even if you're good.

• 35:16Speaker 02

  I will say, we're, we're very spoiled because one of our good friends is Nadine Sierra, who is the top soprano at the Metropolitan Opera. And, like, she, first of all, she's a, she sang with me at Carnegie Hall, at the end we came out and sang together.

• 35:28Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, I saw that, yeah.

• 35:28Speaker 02

  She's also just cool.

• 35:30Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 35:30Speaker 02

  And beautiful. Stunning, yeah. And her voice is amazing, but then now Nick and I are so spoiled, she's like, oh, do you wanna come to see Rigoletto at the opera? Oh, do you guys wanna come see me and Bocelli sing? And we're like, yes, we'll be there.

• 35:40Stavros Halkias?

  That's awesome.

• 35:41Speaker 02

  So it's our, our, it's.

• 35:42Stavros Halkias?

  That's your court side.

• 35:43Speaker 02

  That is my, that's what I was saying. That's my court side.

• 35:46Speaker 03

  Actually, one time we sat, she got us tickets to see her in Lucia.

• 35:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:51Speaker 03

  And we were sitting front row at the Metropolitan Opera.

• 35:54Speaker 02

  These are like thousand dollar seats.

• 35:56Speaker 03

  And I'm in one of my best blouses. Okay, I'll have you all know, I'm in one of my best blouses.

• 36:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 36:02Speaker 03

  And we go sit down and this decrepit goblin of a woman is sitting next to me, wearing the same blouse, just the nicer version. And I turned to her and I say, I love your blouse.

• 36:17Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 36:17Speaker 03

  And do you know what she does? Not a goddamn thing.

• 36:21Stavros Halkias?

  She completely cold shoulders you?

• 36:23Speaker 03

  Can you believe that?

• 36:24Stavros Halkias?

  Doesn't even look at you?

• 36:25Speaker 02

  No, she did this. She goes, she goes like this. She goes, thank you. And then Nick turns to me and goes, dumb cunt.

• 36:31Speaker 03

  The nice thing to do is acknowledge, oh, I like your blouse as well. Doesn't say it. I don't care mine's from ASOS.

• 36:38Speaker 02

  Sure, sure, sure, sure.

• 36:40Speaker 03

  It's the same fucking blouse.

• 36:41Speaker 02

  She was wearing three thousand dollars worth of jewelry on her neck and looked at you like, what is this?

• 36:46Speaker 03

  Doesn't matter. And guess what? I looked better in it.

• 36:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, there you go.

• 36:49Speaker 02

  The dean is phenomenal. So if you want to look her up.

• 36:51Stavros Halkias?

  Well, that old rich lady could probably smell rayon, you know what I mean? It was like, she could tell. She got a rash just sitting near you, dude.

• 37:01Speaker 02

  No, but you're right. That is our court side. Like, you know, having, when you become friends with people who are in New York, you're like, you know, then you have access to things that are like, you know.

• 37:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 37:09Speaker 03

  Well, we were court side at a fashion show.

• 37:11Speaker 02

  Oh, that's right. We were.

• 37:12Stavros Halkias?

  What did you go?

• 37:13Speaker 02

  So we, we were in, Jason Wu, who styled me for my special, which was an amazing experience.

• 37:19Stavros Halkias?

  Hell, yeah.

• 37:20Speaker 02

  He had us, uh, he had us front row at his fashion show for Fashion Week. And we, you know, he dressed us up and it was, that was amazing.

• 37:27Speaker 03

  Well, he dressed.

• 37:29Speaker 02

  He dressed me because when he met Nick, they're like, the photographer's like, do you want to take photos with Jason? I'm like, sure. And then Jason goes, who are you? You're too tall. I didn't dress you.

• 37:38Speaker 03

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 37:41Stavros Halkias?

  Too tall. I would feel, I feel like they'd be licking their lips to get a tall.

• 37:45Speaker 03

  Well, it's because I'm skinny.

• 37:46Stavros Halkias?

  A statuesque beauty.

• 37:47Speaker 03

  But I am too tall.

• 37:47Stavros Halkias?

  Come on.

• 37:49Speaker 03

  I am four. But it was, it was a surreal experience because we've both lived in New York for many years.

• 37:53Stavros Halkias?

  Hold on, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go to bat for you here, Nick. Isn't that model dimensions? Tall and skinny as shit?

• 37:58Speaker 03

  Yes, but not this tall. They want you around like five, eleven, six feet.

• 38:02Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, that's it?

• 38:03Speaker 03

  Because they want everyone the same height.

• 38:05Stavros Halkias?

  I see.

• 38:05Speaker 03

  So I'm six, three, so they can't have just some fucking Frankenstein.

• 38:09Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting, interesting, interesting.

• 38:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, one time we were, we never go out, but one time our friend Patty's like, we're going to a club, it's my birthday, we're going. So we went, he dressed like Maggie Smith, I dressed like a deli worker and we're on like the dance floor. And everyone's head is around here, Nick's up there, and then some guy tall, then Nick walks by, I see Nick do that, I go, Nick, what's up? He go, who the fuck like Frankenstein in here?

• 38:27Speaker 03

  It's alarming. When you're used to looking down at people.

• 38:31Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 38:32Speaker 03

  And then physically looking down at people.

• 38:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course, yeah.

• 38:34Speaker 03

  And then someone else walks in that you have to look up at, it's, it's alarming.

• 38:38Stavros Halkias?

  Is there, is there a kinship of everyone being above the heads?

• 38:42Speaker 03

  Maybe amongst them, not for me.

• 38:44Stavros Halkias?

  Elder, have you ever, did you ever?

• 38:45Speaker 02

  How old are you? Or tall are you?

• 38:47Speaker 04

  I'm like six, five.

• 38:48Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 38:49Stavros Halkias?

  No, I was six, four yesterday. You're peacocking.

• 38:52Speaker 04

  I was six, five yesterday.

• 38:53Stavros Halkias?

  For our fashionable gay friends.

• 38:54Speaker 03

  Yeah. Yeah, what's the truth? There will be gays watching and they want to know.

• 38:59Speaker 04

  I've been on the record on past episodes saying I'm six, six.

• 39:03Stavros Halkias?

  You said six, three.

• 39:04Speaker 04

  I'm playing it, I'm playing it in the center right now.

• 39:07Speaker 03

  You're six, four and a half.

• 39:09Speaker 04

  No, no, I'm six, five.

• 39:10Stavros Halkias?

  Do you, do you see, do you, do you see the same tall guys in similar place? Like, when you worked at like a shitty office, or if you took the same train constantly, or some shit like that, would you see other tall guys above the fray?

• 39:25Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 39:25Stavros Halkias?

  Really?

• 39:26Speaker 02

  I ca, like, would you acknowledge each other for your height? Like, you see the struggle?

• 39:30Speaker 04

  Not eye contact. I've talked about it before. We're like, I don't really notice it because most of the time, most people are like so much shorter than you. Like you never notice that you're looking down. But then I've talked about when we hang out with like JP McDade, who's like an inch taller than me. And then I do get like a little tribal. I'm like, I don't like this feeling of having to look up, having to look up like five degrees to like see up in this. Yeah.

• 39:54Stavros Halkias?

  It feels weird.

• 39:55Speaker 04

  And I see how it like feels weird for everyone else, but it's just something that like I'm never used to doing in like.

• 40:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, meanwhile, me and Stavi, these Mediterranean.

• 40:02Stavros Halkias?

  Well, we've reached the height of our people. I've also spoke about this where I hilariously think I'm so much taller than I am. How tall are you? I'm five seven.

• 40:11Speaker 02

  Five nine.

• 40:11Stavros Halkias?

  And so I.

• 40:12Speaker 02

  Five seven is a good height.

• 40:13Stavros Halkias?

  In my, thank you so much, Nick. In my head, Elvis is literally three inches taller than me. Like in my head, and then I have a friend who's six foot, and this guy is the most even keeled guy of all time. But I just said, I said, pretty much fuck with them. I was like, we're pretty much the same. It's the joke I do on my special. He's literally the most mild mannered guy. I was like, yeah, dude, we're pretty much the same height. He got so pissed off because I was like, yeah, I just see us as similar heights. And he was like, I tower over you. He was like, he was like, I know exactly what the fucking top of your head looks like. How dare you say I'm the fucking same height?

• 40:46Speaker 02

  I will say, you know who I met the other night was, do you know QCP? He's the shirtless guy in the apron who cooks. He's real bro-y. So I did this event for the pasta queen and him.

• 40:55Stavros Halkias?

  I have, I have seen his videos.

• 40:57Speaker 02

  No, Nick was, Nick knows nothing. So anyway, he was really, really, really nice. And when he met me, I think people think I'm really short because when I met him, he said right off the bat, he goes, you're taller than I thought you would be.

• 41:08Stavros Halkias?

  Really?

• 41:09Speaker 02

  And I was like, really? He goes, yeah, you just like read really short. And then I realized I'm next to this monster. And so everyone thinks I'm two feet tall.

• 41:16Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting.

• 41:17Speaker 02

  But you are short. I'm five nine. That's the average height of a man.

• 41:20Stavros Halkias?

  No, it's not.

• 41:21Speaker 02

  What's the average height of a man?

• 41:23Stavros Halkias?

  It's probably.

• 41:23Speaker 03

  According to who?

• 41:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I would say it's probably five seven.

• 41:27Speaker 03

  I would say five eleven.

• 41:29Speaker 02

  Five feet nine inches from the Centers of Disease Control and Prevention.

• 41:33Stavros Halkias?

  That's America, right? Or is that worldwide? That study was run by short men. Oh, hold on. Worldwide, five point seven five. Which is probably what I am, honestly.

• 41:43Speaker 02

  That makes sense.

• 41:43Stavros Halkias?

  Right?

• 41:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're more worldly.

• 41:45Stavros Halkias?

  I am more worldly. I'm an international.

• 41:47Speaker 04

  You're the global average man.

• 41:48Stavros Halkias?

  I'm the global average man, exactly. You, but I'm the amalgam of every man on earth, if you get me.

• 41:57Speaker 03

  Would I be tall in Greece? Do they have tall people there?

• 41:59Stavros Halkias?

  For sure, for sure, you'd be tall, yeah, yeah. We don't got him, we don't got him that tall.

• 42:02Speaker 02

  Well, also Nick, you would be tall, but also they wouldn't look at you for your height. They'd be wondering, why is that man wearing a giant sun hat?

• 42:10Speaker 03

  I have to protect my skin.

• 42:11Stavros Halkias?

  You do have very fair skin.

• 42:12Speaker 02

  And he keeps saying, he's like, I'll come to Italy, I'll have a good time.

• 42:15Speaker 03

  I will.

• 42:16Speaker 02

  I just can't imagine what the Italians would, because it'll be very similar to the Greeks. Like, what is this thing?

• 42:21Speaker 03

  They wear sun hats there, don't they?

• 42:23Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, I don't, not really, no.

• 42:25Speaker 03

  What? What do they do?

• 42:26Speaker 02

  They take in the sun.

• 42:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, take in the sun, maybe a cap. I've seen, we're not talking, I'm guessing Nick, we're talking, we're not talking like a, you know, straw crocodile Dundee style hat. I'm guessing it's Kentucky Derby, heiress of the Kentucky Derby hat.

• 42:43Speaker 02

  Type in my fair lady racehorse scene.

• 42:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

• 42:47Speaker 02

  But this is even more dramatic. This is, this is what Nick looks like. This is Nick walking around Italy is gonna be fucking bad.

• 42:59Stavros Halkias?

  That's awesome. That's great.

• 43:03Speaker 02

  So this is Nick for everybody at home.

• 43:07Stavros Halkias?

  That's fucking sick.

• 43:08Speaker 03

  That, I could wear that in Greece.

• 43:09Stavros Halkias?

  I think you.

• 43:10Speaker 02

  What would the Greeks, how do they fag in Greece?

• 43:14Stavros Halkias?

  You know, we don't have to say that.

• 43:18Speaker 03

  Say it.

• 43:20Stavros Halkias?

  I guess, do you bleep out in other languages, but it's, uh, pusti.

• 43:26Speaker 02

  Pusti? It sounds way too close to pussy. They gotta work on this word. That makes sense.

• 43:32Stavros Halkias?

  Pusti, uh, muni is, is pussy in Greek.

• 43:36Speaker 02

  Muni?

• 43:36Stavros Halkias?

  Muni.

• 43:37Speaker 02

  Muni.

• 43:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 43:39Speaker 02

  Lousy.

• 43:41Speaker 02

  Agapi muni.

• 43:43Stavros Halkias?

  I got, I got bow.

• 43:44Speaker 02

  I got bow muni.

• 43:47Speaker 04

  I didn't know how to do the conjugation.

• 43:49Stavros Halkias?

  That's okay, buddy.

• 43:50Speaker 04

  Look at me, Greek.

• 43:52Stavros Halkias?

  Yep.

• 43:52Speaker 04

  I gotta bring my friend Sophia on this show one time. She's from Chicago, so Greek and her mother, you would find, they were just, it was being immersed into the Greek world with that family. They were amazing. I love it. Her mother, Daphne. I told you what she would say during the Greek coffee, right?

• 44:06Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, they would read your-

• 44:07Speaker 04

  She'd read my fortune and she'd be like, I can see a letter in the bottom of your cup. This mean, then she would read her daughters. She goes, this says that you're a bitch. Oh my God, I love Greece.

• 44:16Stavros Halkias?

  I do love how much like old witchcraft shit is left in so many cultures.

• 44:21Speaker 04

  Sicily, Greece, you know, Mexico.

• 44:24Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 44:24Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 44:25Stavros Halkias?

  Even the evil eye, all that stuff.

• 44:26Speaker 04

  New Milford.

• 44:27Stavros Halkias?

  New Milford, lot of witchy stuff going on over there.

• 44:31Speaker 03

  How about Seating My Dads the Mayor?

• 44:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 44:34Speaker 03

  Lot of witchcraft.

• 44:36Stavros Halkias?

  That's so fucking funny. And so let me, what, what is the, after you get out in New Milford and you're here, you're bouncing around, you went, you come to school for opera. What are the early years? What's Nick, early, early NYC for Nick looking like?

• 44:49Speaker 03

  I mean, I was in college for six years here, so I always say when you come to New York as a college student, it's a much different experience than just like moving here already as a young adult.

• 45:00Stavros Halkias?

  Sure, sure, sure.

• 45:01Speaker 03

  So it was a much easier transition.

• 45:05Speaker 03

  And then-

• 45:06Stavros Halkias?

  Were you like a nerd? Were you just studying? Were you like-

• 45:08Speaker 04

  Just mean.

• 45:08Stavros Halkias?

  Were you out and about?

• 45:09Speaker 03

  I've always just sort of been mean. I've never been out and about. I've never been one of those girlies.

• 45:14Stavros Halkias?

  Not a, not a gal about town?

• 45:15Speaker 03

  I'm not a gal about town. We prefer to be homebodies.

• 45:19Speaker 04

  Playing Fortnite, watching YouTube.

• 45:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:22Speaker 04

  We're really boring as a crew.

• 45:23Speaker 03

  I've never drank in my life, so I-

• 45:24Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, never?

• 45:25Speaker 03

  Never.

• 45:25Stavros Halkias?

  No drugs?

• 45:26Speaker 03

  No drugs.

• 45:27Stavros Halkias?

  Wow, a complete teetotaller.

• 45:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm a fucking loser.

• 45:31Stavros Halkias?

  Teetotaller.

• 45:31Speaker 04

  I never heard that before.

• 45:32Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that means sober.

• 45:33Speaker 03

  That means loser.

• 45:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 45:35Speaker 03

  Means loser.

• 45:36Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 45:37Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, no, it's okay. I'm teetotalling right now. I got a year of sobriety where.

• 45:41Speaker 02

  Good for you.

• 45:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I'm doing my thirty fifth year of life totally sober.

• 45:45Speaker 02

  Wow. How's it feel?

• 45:47Stavros Halkias?

  Not good. I'm fucking miss doing drugs. It's like I'm not, it's just, I have to remind myself, I would feel worse. That's the thing. I don't feel good. I just would feel worse.

• 45:57Speaker 02

  For that moment and then the next day is a struggle and it's always, you're always trying to catch up.

• 46:02Speaker 03

  Have you found something to replace that?

• 46:06Stavros Halkias?

  Not rea- I was living pretty healthy for like half the year. I was like, I wasn't working and I was like working out and eating the right and I really liked that, but unfortunately I go right to food. I'm trying to stay healthy. So like when I get more stressed, which I've been a little stressed the last, last month has been pretty busy. Uh, I go right to, you know, stupid, stupid seamless orders or whatever.

• 46:28Speaker 03

  What's your go to comfort meal?

• 46:31Stavros Halkias?

  Ooh, there's the thing, well, I have, I have to have dessert at night like a baby needs his binky right now. Like

• 46:38Speaker 02

  I do too, by the way.

• 46:39Stavros Halkias?

  I don't have a pint of, and now I'm eating Halo Top these days.

• 46:43Speaker 02

  No, that's all air.

• 46:44Speaker 03

  Are you kidding? That's not a dessert.

• 46:46Stavros Halkias?

  It's either that or fucking four thousand calories of Ben and Jerry.

• 46:48Speaker 02

  The ice cream.

• 46:49Stavros Halkias?

  I can't do that right now, Nick. Believe me. I need to be on methadone. I need to be on ice cream methadone right now. That's what Halo Top is. Uh, but I, it's more of the ritual of that, but you know, it just, something will hit, I, I go through a little, I go through a rotation of comfort meals. You know what I mean? It'll be chai, it'll be a Chinese fried, fried chicken wings with beef lo mein is a go to, you know? Uh, I love Korean food if I'm really, in fact, I haven't been eating Korean food because the last few years, we've been doing Korean barbecue Thanksgiving. And so I really, it's in a couple of weeks, I really, I'm gonna really enjoy it because I haven't had it. Um, but you know, it just really, the, the median, the absolute median meal is when I eat a lot of Chipotle

• 47:33Stavros Halkias?

  is when I'm trying to hang on.

• 47:35Speaker 02

  He eats it every day. I eat it every day.

• 47:37Stavros Halkias?

  It's good. It's, it's, it's, that's exactly what it is. It's the absolute median replacement meal.

• 47:42Speaker 03

  It's a good amount.

• 47:43Stavros Halkias?

  And you can do it healthy or you get chips, you get what, you know what I mean? Like, so I'm there a lot right now. In fact, Chipotle for lunch. Chipotle after this podcast, don't this?

• 47:54Speaker 02

  Interesting.

• 47:55Speaker 03

  Do you get Dunkin' in the morning?

• 47:57Stavros Halkias?

  Um, it depends. I, I've been, I've been shooting on, we're shooting, uh, tires, the second season of tires right now, and there's a Duncan right by where we, uh, where we filmed. So I, I have been getting a lot of, we're living very similar lives right now.

• 48:12Speaker 03

  We're the same.

• 48:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, we're pretty much the same guy. I think two people would look at us.

• 48:16Speaker 03

  Couple of Greek faggies on their Duncan and Chipotle.

• 48:20Stavros Halkias?

  Sucking on Duncan.

• 48:24Speaker 03

  People would probably think we're brothers.

• 48:27Speaker 03

  Or at least twins.

• 48:28Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, no, that's, that'd be a fun reboot of Twins is a, it's just a tall gay guy instead of Arnold's. Still the fat, still the fat little, still the over the top fat weirdo.

• 48:39Speaker 03

  There you go. Anybody watching Cast Us will do it.

• 48:41Speaker 04

  I don't know, that Nick Carey has the same charisma as the nineties Arnold Schwarzenegger.

• 48:47Stavros Halkias?

  You don't think he's got the same star power?

• 48:50Speaker 03

  I don't think Arnold broke Lizzo's silence.

• 48:54Speaker 04

  Arnold didn't, that's your claim to fame is you broke Lizzo's silence?

• 48:59Speaker 03

  That takes some charisma, baby.

• 49:02Stavros Halkias?

  You definitely did bait Lizzo into something. I love that.

• 49:05Speaker 04

  I've still never seen Twins.

• 49:06Stavros Halkias?

  Great movie.

• 49:07Speaker 04

  Is it? I do love Danny DeVito.

• 49:09Stavros Halkias?

  It's so good.

• 49:10Speaker 04

  It's just so nineties, everything about it.

• 49:12Stavros Halkias?

  I legitimately do want to, I have a couple, I, I really want to pitch remaking it. I want.

• 49:18Speaker 04

  He could do it.

• 49:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, like, it's gotta be, it's gotta be a tall jacket, unfortunately.

• 49:22Speaker 03

  It's gotta be me.

• 49:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 49:24Speaker 03

  We're kind of set with this.

• 49:27Speaker 03

  I'd kill.

• 49:28Stavros Halkias?

  I would love to, I, cause if you watch it, cause I hadn't seen it, I saw it as a kid and then I rewatched it. And I really would do a good job with that character. It's a, he's a complete dirtbag piece of shit. He's got like the little ponytail. He's like, uh, again, he's just, yeah, it's great. I, I would love to play that.

• 49:45Speaker 04

  I just rewatched it. I mean, DeVito in that literally is stopping. It's kinda, it's kinda crazy. Like, I can't unsee it or something.

• 49:52Stavros Halkias?

  On some level, I'm like, did that penetrate my brain as a boy and I formed my entire personality off of it? Cause I used to watch that movie a lot. I used to watch, I had a phase when I was a little kid where I watched Twins and, um, what's the one, what's the one where Arnold's pregnant and DeVito's in it too?

• 50:09Speaker 04

  Oh, um, uh, what was that called? Not Baby, um. Arnold Schwarzenegger.

• 50:17Stavros Halkias?

  Twins and then.

• 50:19Speaker 04

  What, the type in Arnold?

• 50:20Stavros Halkias?

  He's a lot of Rocky Road.

• 50:22Speaker 04

  Pregnant.

• 50:24Stavros Halkias?

  Junior, yes.

• 50:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:26Stavros Halkias?

  I used to watch those two movies back, I think on some, I think when I was a dumb little kid, I thought they were the same movie.

• 50:32Speaker 02

  But they, oh, you know what? They kind of are the same movie.

• 50:36Stavros Halkias?

  Junior's way weirder. Junior's way weirder.

• 50:39Speaker 02

  Look at the, the nineties, the nineties were such a particular time in movies, weren't they?

• 50:45Stavros Halkias?

  The idea for Twins is that they, yeah, I mean, they, they made some bangers, but the idea for Twins was that like, essentially, they mixed up a bunch of guys' jizz and made the perfect kid, kid, and it was Arnold Schwarzenegger. And then the runoff was Danny DeVito, like all the shitty stuff they didn't use was right there.

• 51:03Speaker 02

  Oh yeah, the ending is so fucking weird.

• 51:05Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it's, it's a bizarre movie. Go watch, we don't want, not to spoil too.

• 51:08Speaker 02

  Go watch it, we'll talk about it. I don't remember, it's been so long, I don't remember like.

• 51:13Stavros Halkias?

  But yeah, he, he looks, uh, I really, I legit am gonna try and remake fucking Twins.

• 51:18Speaker 02

  Thirty-nine percent on Rotten Tomatoes.

• 51:19Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, I, I haven't, I haven't rewatched Junior, I'll tell you that much.

• 51:23Speaker 02

  I mean, Arnold was just taking every check possible. I mean, when, when he was Mr. Freeze.

• 51:28Stavros Halkias?

  That was, that was.

• 51:30Speaker 03

  But with Uma Thurman?

• 51:31Speaker 02

  Well, she was amazing. She, now, now.

• 51:33Stavros Halkias?

  Well, that might be the gayest movie ever made.

• 51:35Speaker 02

  It is, it is.

• 51:36Stavros Halkias?

  It's incredible. It's a great rewatch now.

• 51:39Speaker 02

  I think, do you watch Red Letter Media ever? The podcast Red Letter Media, they're on YouTube, they're great. These three guys are from Milwaukee and they just go, they just talk about movies.

• 51:47Stavros Halkias?

  Big Milwaukee fan over here.

• 51:48Speaker 02

  And they've got great, great sense of humor, they're very funny. Anyway, they were talking about, uh, that movie and they made a great point. They were like, Uma Thurman was the only one who understood the assignment in this movie.

• 51:58Stavros Halkias?

  True.

• 51:58Speaker 02

  Everybody else was, there was no reason, like George Clooney and Arnold Schwarzenegger, none of them knew what they were doing, but Uma got it.

• 52:05Stavros Halkias?

  Uma really knew what she was doing. I still think it works, even though they didn't know what they were doing, because there's just so, Clooney isn't hamming it up, but that earnestness is almost good.

• 52:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:18Stavros Halkias?

  For, for the movie, like Batman kind of being, it is, he feels.

• 52:22Speaker 02

  Didn't, there was too much happening. First of all, Alfred was dying.

• 52:25Stavros Halkias?

  That was.

• 52:25Speaker 02

  That was one of the stories, then.

• 52:27Stavros Halkias?

  No, there's five storylines.

• 52:28Speaker 03

  Alicia Silverstone.

• 52:29Stavros Halkias?

  Alicia Silverstone is shoehorned in there.

• 52:31Speaker 02

  It made no sense.

• 52:32Speaker 03

  In there.

• 52:33Speaker 02

  Robin didn't wanna be, he wanted his own independence with that.

• 52:37Stavros Halkias?

  But he also kinda wants to fuck Alicia Silverstone.

• 52:40Speaker 02

  Then Uma Thurman was there, then there was Mr. Freeze trying to get his wife back.

• 52:44Stavros Halkias?

  Bane is involved, yeah.

• 52:45Speaker 02

  There was a lot, well.

• 52:46Stavros Halkias?

  It looks great, it looks, yeah, I mean, uh, he's, that guy might, that guy's, what did he say, he, I was like.

• 52:53Speaker 02

  Joel Schumacher?

• 52:54Stavros Halkias?

  Joel Schumacher, yeah, Schumacher fucked like thousands of guys, he said.

• 52:58Speaker 02

  He fucked thousands of guys?

• 53:00Stavros Halkias?

  I think so, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 53:00Speaker 02

  In the, in the movie, like, career-wise or in real life?

• 53:03Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, no, like, he was just a cool guy that liked to suck and get sucked.

• 53:07Speaker 02

  Wow, well, that makes sense because the beginning of that movie is them putting on their outfits that have nipples on the outfits and then it's just butts.

• 53:14Stavros Halkias?

  No, it's.

• 53:14Speaker 02

  That's the opening of the film.

• 53:16Stavros Halkias?

  Like, at the time, it was, and when I was a little, when I was a little kid, I was pumped to see it, I didn't give a fuck.

• 53:21Speaker 02

  Sure, I would love, well, I loved Poison, I loved Poison Ivy.

• 53:23Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 53:24Speaker 02

  So I was all about Poison Ivy.

• 53:25Stavros Halkias?

  But, but now it is a great watch to just throw on to have a good time, cause it's visually so interesting and it's just, it is straight up camp.

• 53:34Speaker 03

  But all of those Batman films that are like, uh, with Danny DeVito as Penguin and, uh.

• 53:38Stavros Halkias?

  That one's good.

• 53:39Speaker 03

  Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman.

• 53:41Speaker 02

  They had the first Batman in the, in the eighties and it was revolutionary in so many ways and then they had the second Batman, which was a Tim Burton.

• 53:49Stavros Halkias?

  Still Tim Burton.

• 53:50Speaker 02

  But it was tonally, I think it shocked audiences because they were kind of expecting something more for kids and it was very adult.

• 53:57Stavros Halkias?

  It was darker, and by the way, Batman's not even, it's kinda more, it's an ensemble movie.

• 54:03Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 54:04Stavros Halkias?

  It really is more about, I mean, I don't think Batman's even in it, cause I rewatched this recently, he's not in, really in it, like, he's in at the very beginning, but then he's not in it again for like twenty minutes, it's kinda crazy.

• 54:14Speaker 02

  Which is fine, it's, we've had enough of Batman.

• 54:16Stavros Halkias?

  Well, at the time, though, it was the second Batman movie.

• 54:18Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 54:18Stavros Halkias?

  So it was like.

• 54:19Speaker 02

  The third one, I think they were trying to go aga, they were trying to reverse it, so it became.

• 54:23Stavros Halkias?

  Well, they fired Tim Burton.

• 54:25Speaker 02

  Right.

• 54:25Stavros Halkias?

  He, he was like, weirdly, you know who he wanted to cast as Robin?

• 54:29Speaker 02

  Who?

• 54:29Stavros Halkias?

  Marlon Wayans.

• 54:31Speaker 02

  Honestly, that would be kinda fun.

• 54:33Stavros Halkias?

  At the time, it would've been really interesting, um, but yeah, they, they wanted to like, exactly what you're saying, the studio was like, alright. We're gonna make this a fucking cash cow. Enough with your weird, dark bullshit. And then they fired him and they, that was the one that, I think that was the first Schumacher one.

• 54:48Speaker 02

  Right.

• 54:49Stavros Halkias?

  And that was, um.

• 54:50Speaker 02

  Two Face and The Riddler. So I had Jim Carrey.

• 54:52Stavros Halkias?

  And who, and Val Kilmer.

• 54:54Speaker 02

  Val Kilmer was Batman. Yeah. And then it got too far with Batman and Robin. Even as like a young, seventh grade gay kid, I was like, this is a lot.

• 55:02Stavros Halkias?

  Oh yeah? You didn't appreciate?

• 55:03Speaker 02

  I loved the Poison Ivy scenes. I loved them.

• 55:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. No, I just, I just remember being like, whatever you showed me. That was the age where I was like, cool, this is a movie? Awesome. I was never like, I was never making a judgment, especially if it had Batman in it. I was like, sick. Let's fucking watch it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, but anyway, why don't we, I think, you know, we could talk forever and I still, there's so much more. We didn't really even get into the whole, the Nick origin story some other time, but.

• 55:31Speaker 02

  Cause it's similar to a Batman villain.

• 55:33Speaker 03

  Can I ask a really quick dumb question?

• 55:35Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely.

• 55:36Speaker 03

  And I don't know why this just popped up.

• 55:37Stavros Halkias?

  Absolutely.

• 55:37Speaker 03

  Do Greek people celebrate Christmas?

• 55:40Stavros Halkias?

  We do. We do in fact celebrate Christmas. Uh, they're Easter, Greek Orthodox.

• 55:45Speaker 02

  He doesn't know what Greek Orthodox means.

• 55:46Stavros Halkias?

  It's a sect of Christianity before it split off, it was what Catholicism split off from, basically.

• 55:53Speaker 02

  To be kind of, right?

• 55:54Stavros Halkias?

  We were all the same church and then we split off. We're the Eastern Orthodox Church. We used to have a different calendar. Uh, now everyone's on the same calendar. Yeah, it's kinda, it's very confusing. Greek people tr-

• 56:06Speaker 03

  So what is today for them?

• 56:08Stavros Halkias?

  They've adopted everything the same. They used to be on, I don't know what, if that's called the Gregorian calendar, but weirdly culturally, Greek people used to celebrate what we think of as Christmas on New Year's Day. Like you would get Chris presents and stuff on New Year's Day. But I think they just got beaten down by the rest of the world doing it. And especially American pop culture. Like when I was a little kid, my dad, when we were really young, he tried to do that shit. He's like, uh, we're Greek, we do the first of the year. We were like, no, give us fucking presents. We're five. We want presents now. And so there was no way that was gonna last. He tried that. We were like, fuck, are you kidding me? I have to fucking wait six days? Are you out of your fucking mind?

• 56:53Stavros Halkias?

  Give me my fucking Play-Doh right now, you fucking idiot. Um, so I think it's been completely swallowed up, but yes, Greeks are-

• 57:01Speaker 03

  That wasn't a dumb question.

• 57:02Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I think-

• 57:03Speaker 02

  Do they celebrate Christmas as different than do you have a different calendar, Nick?

• 57:07Speaker 03

  He knew what I meant.

• 57:08Stavros Halkias?

  Look, I can fuck, we can make it good, Matteo, I'm a professional. You feed me some dumb bullshit like, dude, Greeks celebrate Christmas. I'll turn it into two minutes of entertaining content, okay?

• 57:19Speaker 02

  Did you grow up with Greeks? Were there any Greek people near you when you grew up? There were no Greeks, you never met Greek people?

• 57:25Stavros Halkias?

  In New Milford, probably not.

• 57:27Speaker 02

  Were there Italians? There was one, you said there was one Italian family that everyone hated.

• 57:31Speaker 03

  But now my family-

• 57:32Stavros Halkias?

  That was the closest they had to a minority.

• 57:34Speaker 03

  My extended family owns the Italian restaurant.

• 57:36Stavros Halkias?

  Wow.

• 57:37Speaker 03

  That sells burgers.

• 57:40Speaker 03

  Well, it's Italian-American.

• 57:43Stavros Halkias?

  You gotta go have the pasta there. You should do an episode, you should do an episode of eating the best Italian food at Nick's hometown. That would be awesome. You trying to cobble together the best pasta meal you could in fucking New Milford?

• 57:56Speaker 02

  Can I go in the kitchen and show them how to actually make it?

• 57:58Speaker 03

  I mean, I'm sure you could play-

• 58:00Speaker 02

  If your dad's the mayor, we have carte blanche, we can do whatever the hell we want.

• 58:03Speaker 03

  Please, we don't even have a police department there. You can do, light the shit on fire.

• 58:08Stavros Halkias?

  All right, well, listen-

• 58:09Speaker 02

  Pizza Hut was a whole thing.

• 58:10Stavros Halkias?

  I love it. Well, look, take all these life experiences and channel them into, because we have callers that desperately need your assistance.

• 58:17Speaker 03

  Oh, boy. Are these specifically for us?

• 58:19Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, no, no, we don't have that kind of, we don't kind of have that overhead. We, these people have called in some, even at this point, years ago.

• 58:29Stavros Halkias?

  And we'll get to them whenever the fuck we get to them. So, Eldis has gotten a couple of questions here for us, and why don't you play us the first one, my friend?

• 58:38Speaker 05

  Hey, what's up, guys? It's Haley Bailey. Okay, I need to tell you about something. I just got YouTube Premium. It's got tons of awesome features, like offline downloads, so I can download my favorite videos before I travel and watch them whenever I don't have Wi-Fi. Because we all know airplane Wi-Fi is the worst. I get ad-free, I get backroom play, and there's like a ton more in there. You should try it. If you like YouTube, you'll love YouTube Premium. Try it now for two months free at youtube.com/premium. Trial eligibility varies, terms apply, cancel anytime. That's a mouthful.

• 59:11Speaker 00

  Oh, look. You just got added to a meeting. About coordinating another meeting. To prepare for the pre-meeting. Ahead of the follow-up meeting. Which will, of course. Require a recap meeting. And then, another meeting. Hit your booking point? Book with Southwest and enter airplane mode.

• 59:39Speaker 06

  Hey Stav, so two years ago.

• 59:41Stavros Halkias?

  Restart?

• 59:42Speaker 06

  I got dumped by my... Hey Stav, so two years ago. I got dumped by my girlfriend because she found me on Grindr talking to boys.

• 1:00:02Stavros Halkias?

  She kinda had a point there.

• 1:00:03Speaker 06

  And I was gonna break up with her, but I was too much of a pussy to do that. So instead I, you know, was cheating and sending nudes to other guys. But, um, moving on from that.

• 1:00:17Speaker 06

  Two years later, I can't stop. I can't, I can't finish with a woman or a guy or a trans woman or like anybody unless I think about my ex-girlfriend.

• 1:00:32Stavros Halkias?

  What?

• 1:00:33Speaker 06

  And I'm tired of it. Like this woman stabbed me. Like I don't wanna think about her anymore.

• 1:00:41Stavros Halkias?

  What?

• 1:00:44Speaker 06

  Like I have a no-contact degree with her, even though I'm the one that cheated. So, um...

• 1:00:51Stavros Halkias?

  Interesting morality here.

• 1:00:53Speaker 06

  Yeah, should I tell my therapist about this?

• 1:00:55Stavros Halkias?

  What?

• 1:00:56Speaker 06

  Should I just, like, try to associate it with thoughts of like my naked grandma or something? Thanks, Stav. I'd really appreciate your help on figuring out how to stop needing to like think about her to finish. Thanks. Love you guys.

• 1:01:15Speaker 03

  That's a lot to unpack.

• 1:01:16Stavros Halkias?

  A really a lot to unpack. From each sentence.

• 1:01:20Speaker 03

  From the jump.

• 1:01:21Stavros Halkias?

  From the jump.

• 1:01:21Speaker 03

  How did she find him on Grindr?

• 1:01:24Stavros Halkias?

  She probably had some suspicions maybe.

• 1:01:25Speaker 02

  Why did he not bring up that she stabbed him first?

• 1:01:28Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:01:29Speaker 02

  That came in the middle.

• 1:01:30Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 1:01:31Speaker 02

  Why wouldn't you be like, well, I was stabbed by my ex-girlfriend because she found me on Grindr. We have a no speaking agreement.

• 1:01:37Stavros Halkias?

  I wonder if the stabbing is its own issue in his mind.

• 1:01:40Speaker 02

  He is, the stabbing evidently is the least of his issues.

• 1:01:43Speaker 03

  There's no contact agreement, just a fancy way of saying she has a restraining order against you.

• 1:01:47Stavros Halkias?

  I think, I think it's sort of like, that's the thing. He says no contact agreement as if this is some widely accepted circumstance. He just means they, they don't text each other ever.

• 1:01:58Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:01:58Stavros Halkias?

  They've just blocked each other on every shit.

• 1:02:00Speaker 03

  Should I say this to a therapist?

• 1:02:01Stavros Halkias?

  I know, that was awesome.

• 1:02:02Speaker 03

  You should have been in therapy years ago.

• 1:02:04Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, well, I, I get the therapist being like, uh, we got a lot to cover. Cause this guy, I mean, that's.

• 1:02:10Speaker 04

  He's like, I think I'm just gonna go to Stav with this one.

• 1:02:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't even believe that he thought to go to Stavros publicly about this before privately with his therapist.

• 1:02:19Speaker 04

  I think Stav and Yes could unpack this in seven to 10 minutes.

• 1:02:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:23Speaker 02

  Yeah. Stav, you have real power. You've got real, you're very honorable evidently.

• 1:02:28Stavros Halkias?

  Well, I also think probably what's going on here, this guy is too embarrassed to admit that the, a bust related thing to his therapist. You know what I mean?

• 1:02:36Speaker 02

  Well, that's like who you talk to your therapist for, isn't it? I mean, I thought that was like, what?

• 1:02:41Stavros Halkias?

  I think you talk generally, but I think in terms of the, the minutia of coming. It's like, it's one thing to talk about sexual hangups, it's another thing to be like, what makes me come is my act. But he could, he could have said it differently where he's like, I only, I can only, what the fuck, somebody called me?

• 1:02:58Speaker 02

  I guess it's because like, I have a gay therapist.

• 1:03:00Stavros Halkias?

  Oh, interesting.

• 1:03:01Speaker 02

  So I don't, I feel more comfortable talking about that kind of stuff. Though that's not like an issue, not like.

• 1:03:06Speaker 03

  You should be able to talk about anything to your therapist. That's the whole point.

• 1:03:08Stavros Halkias?

  The whole point. No, you're absolutely right. And that is something that, that's a general message for everyone here to take is you got, if you have a therapist, it doesn't make sense not to fucking talk to them about whatever. You gotta open up to them about anything. Uh, obviously you should talk to your therapist. I mean, that's so clear. I won't hazard, I think, I think, even though there's a lot to unpack, I think ultimately what was, what was happening here is this guy was in a, this is a. Truly a pansexual person who was in a probably abusive relationship. And he definitely cheated, right?

• 1:03:44Speaker 03

  Hmm.

• 1:03:45Stavros Halkias?

  But may- maybe there was just a lot of wrong going on in that relationship. This is probably an insane woman, probably pretty good pussy if I had to guess. If I had stabbing plus staying in the relationship. Yeah, I do. Unfortunately, this is kinda-

• 1:03:59Speaker 03

  He's on grinder.

• 1:04:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. I don't think, I don't think it was so bad. I think this guy just fucks a lot. But I think stabbing and staying in a relationship.

• 1:04:10Speaker 03

  Clearly it was in a, it was a not great relationship.

• 1:04:13Stavros Halkias?

  The relationship was good, but something was good. So I'm doing the math here, right?

• 1:04:18Speaker 03

  I think he sounds like a masochist. I think he likes sort of that.

• 1:04:22Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, well, that's what I'm saying.

• 1:04:23Speaker 02

  So he needs to get to BDSM, like?

• 1:04:25Speaker 03

  Maybe.

• 1:04:26Stavros Halkias?

  Stabbing is kinda reel up there.

• 1:04:28Speaker 03

  He can't come without thinking about his ex-girlfriend who stabbed him?

• 1:04:32Stavros Halkias?

  Oh.

• 1:04:32Speaker 03

  Maybe go get a dominatrix.

• 1:04:34Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, that's interesting.

• 1:04:35Speaker 02

  To me, it feels like residual guilt that he's not processed yet. And he's trying to mask it with a physical pleasure. But I think what's happening is that he probably feels guilt or some kind of shame for the failure of that relationship and his play in it. And so the revisitation of seeing her in order to come is more so him trying to cope subconsciously with the fact that he left something, didn't land the plane well. Do you see what I'm saying?

• 1:05:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, yeah, I think that's, that's absolutely totally plausible that he still has some kind of hangups. We don't even know, it seems like he's pretty open about his sexuality. There might be some, some guilt there too. He seems like, he seems-

• 1:05:17Speaker 03

  Well, he's open to us.

• 1:05:18Stavros Halkias?

  Open to us, but yeah, like, that's what I'm saying.

• 1:05:20Speaker 02

  Right, so he can be, if he's talking to you, I mean, his voice is pretty recognizable. I feel like, you know, it's like, come on, dude.

• 1:05:26Stavros Halkias?

  Well, I'm, I'm just think, I'm, I'm just kind of agreeing with you here where it could be like-

• 1:05:30Speaker 03

  Some shame.

• 1:05:31Stavros Halkias?

  Some shame and guilt all wrapped in together, right? Like guilt from the relationship, shame. I mean, there is like the like, oh no, I'm, even though I'm fucking this guy, I'm actually straight because the thing that makes me come is-

• 1:05:43Speaker 02

  Is he ancient Greek?

• 1:05:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:05:45Speaker 03

  But also he says he can't come with another person, but is he coming from Jerk in the Chicken?

• 1:05:49Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm, probably.

• 1:05:51Speaker 02

  Jerk in the Chicken. What in the Dust Bowl era?

• 1:05:55Speaker 03

  I'm not gonna say masturbate.

• 1:05:58Stavros Halkias?

  The things you've already said.

• 1:06:00Speaker 02

  The things we've already said.

• 1:06:04Stavros Halkias?

  That is a good, yeah. Is he yoking the oxen?

• 1:06:09Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I, he probably is. I feel like you could bust easier, you know, jerking yourself off than you can.

• 1:06:16Speaker 03

  He's probably stroking his hard dick. That's what Matteo wants me to say. While thinking about his ex-girlfriend's bomb pussy, apparently.

• 1:06:28Stavros Halkias?

  It's very possible, Nick. So, uh, yeah, I mean, look, you, there's a lot going on here. You absolutely have to talk to a therapist. We have hazarded some guesses here. But you got a lot going on, my friend, and.

• 1:06:41Speaker 03

  Lot to unpack.

• 1:06:42Stavros Halkias?

  I also think like, two years later is kinda crazy. Two years is a long time. But if, depending on how long you were together, shit like that lingers too, especially if you're not addressing, addressing the reason. So it's not crazy.

• 1:06:56Speaker 03

  You can still see the stab wounds.

• 1:06:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, exactly. If you still feel it, if, yeah.

• 1:06:59Speaker 03

  That's how he comes. He rubs out the stab wound.

• 1:07:03Stavros Halkias?

  Who, it's very possible. Um, so yeah, good luck out there, little buddy.

• 1:07:11Stavros Halkias?

  What do we got here, Eldis?

• 1:07:14Speaker 06

  Hey, stars. Hello, Eldis and esteemed guests. Um, I'm a newer listener, but I'm just calling in. I called you before, but the voice note felt too long, um, and wordy. But anyways, um, I'm calling in because my boyfriend and I, we've been together for a year. I am 23, my boyfriend is 25, and we've had some conversations and realized that we are both interested in, um, the possibility of a threesome with another person. Now, this was just a threesome. We're not interested in like, a polycule or like dating this person, whoever this theoretical person would be. We just wanna have fun and then sort of, you know. Go our separate ways with with this other person go on and live our lives.

• 1:07:56Stavros Halkias?

  I got a hunch you could get that going.

• 1:07:57Speaker 06

  So I've never had a threesome of any kind before, maybe the guest if they are a queer man, um, or just a queer person, doesn't really matter the gender.

• 1:08:08Stavros Halkias?

  I'll just do a little producing for a change.

• 1:08:10Speaker 06

  How we can best, um, a comedy person because I feel like the dynamics of a threesome, especially if we're somewhere, it's like a couple and then like another person is a very specific thing versus if it's a threesome with three strangers or, you know, three people who may not know each other that well and just wanna have fun.

• 1:08:27Stavros Halkias?

  My god, the other one was working.

• 1:08:29Speaker 06

  The onus is on, if that's the right word, is on the couple to make the third person, you know, feel comfortable, feel invited, sort of wine and dine them, make them feel safe. Cause there's also like a power dynamic, I think that is there.

• 1:08:42Speaker 02

  I, here's what you do.

• 1:08:43Speaker 06

  Our strength.

• 1:08:44Speaker 02

  You wanna make your guest feel comfortable. Martha Stewart has a hundred books out now.

• 1:08:48Stavros Halkias?

  Hmm.

• 1:08:48Speaker 02

  So you could find one of her books.

• 1:08:50Stavros Halkias?

  Get some lemonade with thyme in it.

• 1:08:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, and learn how like, yes, and like make a dinner and those good salad recipes.

• 1:08:57Stavros Halkias?

  You're gonna fuck this guy.

• 1:09:00Speaker 02

  He's like, how do I make someone comfortable in a threesome?

• 1:09:03Speaker 03

  No, you don't need to have a whole fucking dinner party.

• 1:09:07Speaker 02

  I'm joking, man, I'm kidding, I'm joking.

• 1:09:09Speaker 03

  Have you had a threesome?

• 1:09:10Stavros Halkias?

  I have, yeah.

• 1:09:11Speaker 03

  Have you?

• 1:09:12Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 1:09:12Speaker 03

  Same.

• 1:09:13Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:14Speaker 03

  And was it good?

• 1:09:15Stavros Halkias?

  It was pretty good. I mean, one was horrific. You can, you can hear it all on, uh, uh, Live at the Lodge Room. It's the final fifteen minutes of my first special on YouTube, folks. That one was bad, but I've had a, you know, some nice experiences.

• 1:09:28Speaker 03

  Was the threesome you had good?

• 1:09:29Speaker 02

  It was years ago, but yes, it was, cause he was a plastic surgeon, so afterwards he would give me filler and botox.

• 1:09:37Speaker 02

  I would always leave with a new face. It was fantastic. They were very, they moved, but you know, this was years ago, but they were great.

• 1:09:42Speaker 03

  But what, what I would say, that's such a gay thing.

• 1:09:45Speaker 02

  I had a new nose one time, new chin. Every time I came out, I had a new face.

• 1:09:48Speaker 03

  It's such a gay thing. Gays barter sex for good.

• 1:09:50Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:51Speaker 02

  Not every gay.

• 1:09:51Stavros Halkias?

  The oldest profession.

• 1:09:52Speaker 02

  I, I think we have to be, we have to move past the stereotypes that gay men are transactional. Look, this is a couple, they're very sensitive, very young.

• 1:10:00Speaker 03

  So what I was gonna say is, chances are, it might suck. Threesomes are hit or miss.

• 1:10:05Stavros Halkias?

  That's absolutely true. I've had a good one, but most were weird.

• 1:10:08Speaker 03

  You can have good ones and then oftentimes, it's always gonna feel awkward because there's one person left out.

• 1:10:13Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:10:14Speaker 03

  And it's never really, especially in the gay world.

• 1:10:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, I've had a horrific one.

• 1:10:18Speaker 03

  You can't have, you don't got two holes.

• 1:10:22Speaker 02

  You do.

• 1:10:23Speaker 03

  Well, you do.

• 1:10:27Stavros Halkias?

  This coming from the top.

• 1:10:29Speaker 03

  You know what I mean? Sometimes there's always someone left out. So chances are it might be bad. It might be good.

• 1:10:35Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 1:10:35Speaker 03

  So you need to go in with that mindset being like, this might not be great. And it sounds like you need to go in fully being on the same page because if you're already talking about threesomes, which is fine, who brought it up and chances are, do they actually really want to be open? Or are they only wanting a threesome?

• 1:10:56Stavros Halkias?

  Sounds like you.

• 1:10:57Speaker 03

  Lead to more.

• 1:10:58Stavros Halkias?

  Right, right, right.

• 1:10:59Speaker 03

  You don't want to open that door.

• 1:11:01Stavros Halkias?

  And I think you're right.

• 1:11:02Speaker 03

  Waiting to open the door to be like, okay, now let's be open.

• 1:11:04Speaker 02

  And that sounds like that's what, what we're seeing here is that I think maybe, you know, it's either tiptoeing their way into something that they both want to experience, but they're worried about the preservation of their relationship, which happens. You know what I mean?

• 1:11:16Speaker 03

  And they're young, 23 and 25.

• 1:11:17Stavros Halkias?

  That's, that's what I, kind of what I was gonna say from our caller here, it seems like what he's most worried about is the third person. He, whether that's.

• 1:11:26Speaker 02

  So he's the bottom.

• 1:11:27Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:29Stavros Halkias?

  Whether that's young, hubris or not, he's not so worried about his relationship, right? So like as, and you said you were the third in a, with a couple.

• 1:11:38Speaker 02

  Which is always the easy.

• 1:11:40Speaker 03

  It's always the easier.

• 1:11:41Speaker 02

  You show up, they put on a show.

• 1:11:43Stavros Halkias?

  You hear that?

• 1:11:43Speaker 02

  Botox, you go home.

• 1:11:44Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it's easier. So don't, you don't even, yeah, I don't know.

• 1:11:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, you shouldn't actually worry about the third person. You should worry about your partner. The third person has it easy. They show up to your home.

• 1:11:55Stavros Halkias?

  Yep.

• 1:11:55Speaker 03

  They do the deed, they pull the page.

• 1:11:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yep.

• 1:11:58Speaker 03

  And then they're out of there.

• 1:11:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:12:00Speaker 03

  As long as you have rules and sort of understandings beforehand.

• 1:12:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. And I'd also say like, yeah, you're, they're young. It's a, this is something, unfortunately, not only can it be bad, but it's also, this is something that it's just gonna take some trial and error. The actual threesome might be, you know, might be hit or miss. It also could have some negative repercussions. Not that you can't get over them and fix. Them, but it's like, you just gotta be, you gotta know what you're signing up for.

• 1:12:32Speaker 03

  You're opening the door to possibilities.

• 1:12:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yes.

• 1:12:34Speaker 03

  All kinds.

• 1:12:34Stavros Halkias?

  You're, you're, you're, you are just barely opening Pandora's box up, but you're opening it up, you know?

• 1:12:40Speaker 02

  Well, it can also be a positive thing, because when you open it up with a third person, you realize there's other things you sexually like and, and things you hadn't experimented with before, and it can kind of open up.

• 1:12:50Speaker 03

  And you enjoy sharing that experience with someone you love.

• 1:12:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:53Speaker 03

  You're also 23 and 25. Do it. You're young. Have the experience.

• 1:12:58Speaker 02

  I know.

• 1:12:58Stavros Halkias?

  So how do they?

• 1:12:59Speaker 02

  Wait till they're 35. It's gonna be a very different message.

• 1:13:01Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:13:02Speaker 02

  Be safe. They had a threesome this morning. Look, I want to know about, you know, it's like, it's very blase.

• 1:13:07Speaker 03

  It's that meme of Miss Mamshi. She is a drag queen in Brooklyn, and she does these like, online videos, and it's a point of view video where her husband gets home from work, she makes some spaghetti, she sits down and the scene cuts to them at this really long dining table, and he's eating the spaghetti, and it cuts up to her, and she goes, "So what did you mean that you wanted to be open?"

• 1:13:33Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, dude, I mean, look, I think that our friend here is good to go. Um, just give it a whirl. You're young.

• 1:13:40Speaker 03

  Just go for it.

• 1:13:40Stavros Halkias?

  You're on the same page with your partner, which is important, and just be, be prepared for a range of, uh, you know, of outcomes. Uh, did he, was he asking about how to find a person, or no?

• 1:13:51Speaker 02

  I just wanted to make sure that this other person, you know, understand what the dynamics also feels comfortable in a good time.

• 1:13:54Speaker 04

  He just wanted general tips on how to set it all up, get it going.

• 1:13:58Speaker 03

  I was like, finding a third in the gay world, please.

• 1:14:02Speaker 03

  That's the easy part.

• 1:14:03Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I love it. Uh, what a beautiful culture.

• 1:14:10Speaker 03

  Walk down Hell's Kitchen and throw a stone. You've hit about 82 gays that'll have a threesome.

• 1:14:16Stavros Halkias?

  What else we got here, little eldest?

• 1:14:21Speaker 05

  Hey Scotty, Elvis, another D-verse in the show. I'm a 25 year old woman and it's been kind of a funny situation. I met this guy on Bumble and it turns out he's really fucking rich. His parents own like 10 private hospitals in Texas.

• 1:14:34Stavros Halkias?

  Oh nice.

• 1:14:37Stavros Halkias?

  10 private hospitals, his, his wealth comes from something that shouldn't exist.

• 1:14:41Speaker 02

  I, that's, I was gonna say, I would feel, I would feel uncomfortable in that, well, at least like Procter and Gamble, like, it's like something else.

• 1:14:47Stavros Halkias?

  Even that.

• 1:14:47Speaker 03

  At least owned from a prison.

• 1:14:49Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah. I mean, I guess it's true, there's no one that rich is for anything good.

• 1:14:55Speaker 02

  Their parents own 10 private hospitals in Texas.

• 1:14:58Stavros Halkias?

  Anyway.

• 1:14:58Speaker 03

  Who did they vote for?

• 1:15:00Stavros Halkias?

  I think we, I think we know. I think we have a hunch.

• 1:15:04Speaker 05

  Hospitals in Texas, he has a trust fund. Um, he's doing a PhD in finance in Australia where I live. Um, and working for a hedge fund. He's like the epitome of late-stage capitalism. I think he has some sort of pay pig fetish because I haven't fucked him or anything, but I've just been really mean to him.

• 1:15:22Stavros Halkias?

  I like this.

• 1:15:24Speaker 05

  Anyways, my issue with him is that he's been kind of periodically ghosting me every so often because he's like just getting taken advantage of. Which is fair because that's totally what I'm doing. So I was just wondering, do you think what I'm doing is morally corrupt? And if your answer to that question is no, how do I keep him clean and keep him sending me money? And kind of reignite his interest and prove to him that I'm worth it, even though I'm totally not? Anyways, what do you guys, what do you know?

• 1:15:54Speaker 03

  Sweetie, you're the girl in this relationship, so you got it in the bag.

• 1:16:00Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:00Speaker 03

  You just gotta.

• 1:16:01Stavros Halkias?

  Well, she said she hasn't fucked him or anything, or.

• 1:16:04Speaker 03

  But if she hasn't fucked him and he's still.

• 1:16:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:07Speaker 03

  Reaching out, I mean, she's got the golden ticket.

• 1:16:10Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:16:11Speaker 02

  I've got a golden ticket.

• 1:16:15Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, is to keep a pay pig on the, on the hook is what she's asking. How do you do it? Um, I, this is a hard one because I don't have this at all.

• 1:16:25Speaker 03

  Find out what his interests are and play into them.

• 1:16:28Stavros Halkias?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:16:28Speaker 02

  Nick, you are such a gaslighting manipulative.

• 1:16:32Speaker 03

  That's what she wants. She wants an answer.

• 1:16:34Stavros Halkias?

  Cause, cause you're right.

• 1:16:35Speaker 02

  Anything on this. This seems weird and uncomfortable.

• 1:16:37Stavros Halkias?

  Oh boo.

• 1:16:39Speaker 02

  I don't have any.

• 1:16:40Stavros Halkias?

  Matteo's against the working class.

• 1:16:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:16:42Stavros Halkias?

  He wants this fucking, he wants this fucking finance, bro.

• 1:16:46Speaker 03

  God forbid, women have hobbies.

• 1:16:51Speaker 03

  Come on now. Let the girl have her fun.

• 1:16:54Stavros Halkias?

  Let her have.

• 1:16:55Speaker 03

  She's in Australia. She doesn't have a lot of wins.

• 1:16:57Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I agree. Um, look, I think the thing is you just gotta, because it's not a, it seems like, she just met him on Bumble, right? They're like not even really dating or they're, they've been out a couple of times, was she at the very beginning? Scroll up.

• 1:17:11Speaker 03

  She met him on Bumble. It doesn't seem like they're official or anything.

• 1:17:14Speaker 04

  Yeah, they haven't even fucked. Um.

• 1:17:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, I mean, look.

• 1:17:18Speaker 04

  You know, peeling her off some cash.

• 1:17:20Stavros Halkias?

  Just, I would say, I would say, exactly. I would say the middle ground here is like, look, don't overdo it. The golden goose is gonna run dry at some point.

• 1:17:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, eventually it'll stop.

• 1:17:32Stavros Halkias?

  Don't, don't overdo it. Don't try and like whatever, like if this guy wants to give you some cash and you're not that interested in your, you know, just texting him a little bit or like a selfie or two does it, whatever, keep it going.

• 1:17:43Speaker 04

  He's a piece of shit, but you, you have to think like a guy that rich eventually is gonna be like, this is fun, but you know, I'm ready to get some pussy. I'm tired of fucking around with this.

• 1:17:52Speaker 03

  Or eventually he'll ghost her and do it with another girl.

• 1:17:54Stavros Halkias?

  Exactly, exactly. And, and that's what you have to be prepared for.

• 1:17:58Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:17:58Stavros Halkias?

  It's not worth becoming a supervillain to try and take his trust fund, but you know, he gets some shoes out of it.

• 1:18:05Speaker 03

  Couple.

• 1:18:06Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Set him up with two guys.

• 1:18:09Speaker 03

  Maybe that's. Just don't come off desperate. Just. Look, if he's gonna send the money, he's clearly got it.

• 1:18:15Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:15Speaker 03

  Show some interest here and there. Collect the goods and then eventually.

• 1:18:19Stavros Halkias?

  Or try a harder turn of pure paypiggery of calling him a piece of shit and like, you know, uh, you know, you little spoiled boy, give me, send me a hundred dollars now. And then, you know what I mean? Why not? It could work. Those girl, I don't know how they do it, but there are guys that respond to shit like that.

• 1:18:37Speaker 03

  True.

• 1:18:38Stavros Halkias?

  I'm a catch more flies with honey kinda guy personally. I prefer not to be treated badly. I love to be treated very nicely by hot women personally. That's sort of my kink is when a hot woman is really nice to me. I'm a kinky guy.

• 1:18:56Stavros Halkias?

  All right. Well, salute to you. Get the bag down on that.

• 1:19:04Speaker 00

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• 1:19:38Speaker 00

  Oh, look. You just got added to a meeting about coordinating another meeting to prepare for the pre-meeting ahead of the follow-up meeting, which will, of course, require a recap meeting and then another meeting. Hit your booking point. Book with Southwest and enter airplane mode.

• 1:20:08Speaker 02

  Thanks for all you do, man. Hey, I got, I got a, I got a conundrum here. I'm hoping you boys can help me out, um, and you too, guests. So, uh, just for some context, I, I've been married with my wife for eleven years, um, been together for a while. I'm, I'm thirty-three, she's thirty-four. Um, and you know, when, when we first started dating, we're out partying together and fucking drinking and smoking and shit. You know, all the cool shit that we used to do. Um, but as she's gotten older, um, she's gotten fucking dumb, right? I mean, don't get me wrong, she's a great cook, um.

• 1:20:45Stavros Halkias?

  Dumb.

• 1:20:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, amazing mom, um, throws it back, you know, all that good stuff, nice titties, nice, nice butt cheeks, um. But she's fucking dumb where she, um, is into flat earth and. Uh, you know, all the usual conspiracy theories, um, which whatever, right? Like, a lot of people, a lot of people believe a lot of different things, right? No, we're not gonna gl- gloss over flat-earthers as if this is just like.

• 1:21:12Stavros Halkias?

  No, no, no, this, that won me back. Cause at first I was like, come on dude, relax. It's your, you're talking about the mother of your children like this and then.

• 1:21:20Speaker 03

  Everyone knows the earth is a hexagon. Everyone knows that.

• 1:21:25Stavros Halkias?

  That's tough, but let's, let's finish it and then we'll.

• 1:21:29Speaker 02

  Flat earth and, uh, you know, all the usual conspiracy theories, um, which whatever, right? Like, a lot of people, a lot of people believe a lot of different things, right?

• 1:21:39Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:21:39Speaker 02

  But my problem is that we now have a ten-year-old and, um, she's, she's rubbing off some of these conspiracy theories on him. And so, you know, I just kinda wanna get some thoughts on how I can have the conversation that, hey, it's all right if you're a dumbass, but maybe we should give our kids a chance to not be dumbasses. Um, anyway, uh, love the podcast, love what you do, um, and.

• 1:22:08Speaker 02

  Hopefully we'll, we'll hear this on a, on a free podcast. Alright, thanks, bye.

• 1:22:14Stavros Halkias?

  Oh man, this is tough.

• 1:22:15Speaker 02

  I don't even know where.

• 1:22:16Stavros Halkias?

  This is really tough, actually.

• 1:22:18Speaker 03

  This is like, he did win me back after he said the flat earth thing. Cause originally when he was like, she's gotten fucking done with kids. Look, I don't have kids, but I know a lot of moms and they spend a lot of time talking to these kids. So they, when you don't talk to adults anymore, you basically convert to their wavelength.

• 1:22:36Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:22:37Speaker 03

  But then when he was like, they're flat earth, I'm like, what is your children teaching you?

• 1:22:40Stavros Halkias?

  Uh, yeah, yeah. I don't think there's a bluey episode about flat earthism. Um, I agree with you. I think this is, this is a really difficult one because, and this is by the way, a problem with getting married to somebody you meet when you're 20. It's like, you don't know how stupid they actually are. You gotta wait at least.

• 1:22:58Speaker 02

  Everyone's a fucking idiot when you're 20.

• 1:22:59Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, and you're meeting and you, you know, whatever.

• 1:23:01Speaker 03

  And they probably were high in their twenties and she probably was like, my God, the earth is flat. And he was like, she's so crazy.

• 1:23:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. He wasn't even listening to what she was saying. He was trying to fuck her. Um, this is a real big, this is tough because, I mean, I, I don't want to sound the alarm bells here, but it's like, this is a fundamental issue. Because flat earthers usually are not really won over by logic and reason.

• 1:23:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, absolutely not. There's something deep, deep and dark happening if you're a flat earther. Like there's something deeply idiotic about the entire thing.

• 1:23:35Stavros Halkias?

  It's also, when do you have to, cause what you said is so true, Nick, where like mom, and the moms I know too are like this too. They're so busy. You picked up flat earthing?

• 1:23:43Speaker 03

  Right.

• 1:23:44Stavros Halkias?

  In the middle of like raising kids and shit? Like that's crazy to, like, if you get into this.

• 1:23:50Speaker 03

  Breastfeeding and you're like, you know what? I think the earth is flat.

• 1:23:53Stavros Halkias?

  Pull up that iPad. I got some fucking interesting videos to watch while I breastfeed. But this is something that like usually happens to people when they're empty nesters and they just have, they fill the void with like QAnon shit.

• 1:24:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, they've never seen YouTube before, so they think everything on YouTube is real.

• 1:24:09Stavros Halkias?

  True, yeah, yeah.

• 1:24:10Speaker 02

  So. She's dumb on many levels.

• 1:24:12Speaker 03

  Look, I don't necessarily know if he can say, hey, I know you're a dumbass, but don't let our kids be a dumbass with you because she's their mom. She's allowed to talk to them how she wants.

• 1:24:23Stavros Halkias?

  She also believes this.

• 1:24:24Speaker 03

  She also believes it. And like you said, flat earthers don't believe in logic.

• 1:24:27Stavros Halkias?

  That's the hard part.

• 1:24:28Speaker 03

  So I think he needs to counteract it. And when he's with the kids, show them things and talk about.

• 1:24:34Stavros Halkias?

  The earth is really round.

• 1:24:36Speaker 02

  But this is the problem is that when you're parenting, the parents are supposed to be a unified. That's right. Because, you know, because otherwise the kid knows how to start manipulating, go to mom. No, they have mom and dad have to have the same opinion. We raise the same. Because otherwise it can really confuse the child. And then the child sees you two fighting and it sets up an uncomfortable environment where the kid isn't able to trust either one of his parents because he sees them fighting, vying for that child's attention and approval. So it sets up an unhealthy home off the bat. And as parents, it's your responsibility to, as you said, be a unified front for your child, to give them the easiest streamlined childhood so that it's not confusing in the house.

• 1:25:17Stavros Halkias?

  Well, that's out the window.

• 1:25:18Speaker 03

  But unified.

• 1:25:19Stavros Halkias?

  His mom believes in the flat earth.

• 1:25:21Speaker 02

  Honestly, I mean, it's gone.

• 1:25:21Stavros Halkias?

  So we can just kind of, at this point, we're just trying to salvage the situation.

• 1:25:27Speaker 02

  The house is burned down. Get a divorce.

• 1:25:29Speaker 03

  Unified fronts, I think, are to an extent, you can be a unified front and being like, don't bully kids. But.

• 1:25:35Stavros Halkias?

  Right.

• 1:25:36Speaker 02

  No, that's a good.

• 1:25:37Speaker 03

  But there are couples who are like, the wife is Jewish and the husband is Catholic.

• 1:25:41Speaker 02

  I'm not talking about that. No, no, no, no.

• 1:25:42Speaker 03

  But what I'm saying is, those are their beliefs. So the one saying, I believe in this. And she's like, I believe in this.

• 1:25:48Speaker 02

  But that's different because you're saying to your kid, hey, this is how mom grew up and we're going to celebrate her traditions. This is how dad grew up. We're going to celebrate. So you get, you get your children used to different cultures. This is the flat earth. This, I'm talking about something very different.

• 1:26:00Stavros Halkias?

  You're all right. You're again, of course, you're right. But we're dealing with, we're dealing with like, I think that actually is the, how can, if you are, if you are dedicated to, uh, you know, continuing this relationship, right? Like, the first step is talk to your wife and be like, the first step is being like, how much do you believe? Like, actually have a qualitative discussion about like, what's going on here? I don't believe, you know, what, just really feel her out. Is this just like something she thinks? How, how like, how much does she believe it, right? Unfortunately, it might be kind of like a religion. You're talking about different cultures, different stuff. At the end of the day, religions are also just dumb bullshit.

• 1:26:42Speaker 02

  I know, but culture and traditions from those cultures, not necessarily the actual belief and scientific fact.

• 1:26:48Stavros Halkias?

  I'm just saying.

• 1:26:49Speaker 02

  We're having, there's an issue here.

• 1:26:50Stavros Halkias?

  I know, but I'm just saying, the only way to approach it where you can say, alright, I like, what we can do is be united front as parents about everything else, and then the message you can send to your kids is, look, we disagree on this, people can disagree on these things, do your own research and figure out what you think, you know, go to school, talk, whatever, and that, and you don't have to believe what either mom or dad thinks. That's the best way you can handle it. Unfortunately, I think your reaction is correct, and this is kind of a fundamental fucking problem.

• 1:27:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:27:29Stavros Halkias?

  That would, imagine your wife out of the fuck, imagine your wife out of the blue, you guys have kids, and she wants to teach your kid, she wants to teach your kid about the flat earth. I mean, that's fucking, what do you even do?

• 1:27:41Speaker 04

  It's a tough thing, I mean.

• 1:27:43Speaker 02

  You think the earth is flat?

• 1:27:45Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, it would be tough to have such a correct wife.

• 1:27:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. I'm so tall, I can see it's flat.

• 1:27:55Speaker 03

  I think he needs to tell Miss Christine Columbus over here to just keep running, and when she falls off, she falls off.

• 1:28:03Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, this is hard, because flat earth is just the tip of the iceberg, but truly, like, somebody that you, I mean, it's not gonna happen, right?

• 1:28:11Speaker 04

  This is, this is what I think, based on his call.

• 1:28:13Stavros Halkias?

  As the only married person here, I assume.

• 1:28:15Speaker 04

  He says she's, he says.

• 1:28:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry.

• 1:28:19Speaker 02

  My wife doesn't believe the earth is flat.

• 1:28:22Speaker 04

  He says she's a great mom, she's got awesome titties and a good ass, it sounds like they're fucking pretty regularly.

• 1:28:28Stavros Halkias?

  That's true, too.

• 1:28:29Speaker 03

  Crazy people know how to fuck.

• 1:28:31Speaker 04

  That is a stronger foundation for a long-lasting marriage and family than like, someone believing crazy, crazy politics or easily debunkable science.

• 1:28:42Stavros Halkias?

  You're not wrong.

• 1:28:44Speaker 04

  He's gotta do is say, like Sav is saying, yeah, figure out, first of all, why she's like, so clinging on to this shit, but...

• 1:28:54Speaker 04

  You know, ultimately, who cares? Let her think it, but you should have a discussion like, let's cool it with telling our 10 year old this shit because it's cool if that's what you think, or you're not convinced of evidence that the fucking earth is round, but we can't be saying shit that just makes our kid look like a little crazy if he's like in polite company and talking about, oh yeah, the earth, the earth is flat.

• 1:29:18Speaker 02

  The irony is that her round butt and round titties will get flat, but the earth is actually round. And so eventually the sex will run out and you have to have a-

• 1:29:26Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know about that. If they're still fucking 10 years, like, they've been together for 11 years.

• 1:29:30Speaker 02

  That's nothing.

• 1:29:31Speaker 04

  They're 34.

• 1:29:32Stavros Halkias?

  They've been together for 11 years. A good, the relate, I kind of, Elvis is winning me over here because what do you want? Some bitch that knows signs but won't suck your dick?

• 1:29:42Speaker 02

  Yes!

• 1:29:43Stavros Halkias?

  No thank, honestly no. Legitimately no dude. Legitimately no. I mean, this is reality.

• 1:29:52Stavros Halkias?

  This is reality here, Matteo. You can say that.

• 1:29:55Speaker 02

  You win, you're right.

• 1:29:56Stavros Halkias?

  You can watch fucking Nova with your dry dick all you want, but me, I'm fucking, I'll be on, I'll be on YouTube.

• 1:30:03Speaker 04

  And in terms of the impact on the kid too, it's like, well, her just being a good mom is more important than her believing dumb shit. All our parents believe like such stupid ass shit and it's like-

• 1:30:13Speaker 02

  The more you believe in lizard people, the wetter the pussy.

• 1:30:15Stavros Halkias?

  If that, I don't think that's the case, but I think he might have found a situation here.

• 1:30:23Stavros Halkias?

  But if that were the case, hey, I might, I might be fucking, I might be pro Alex Jones after all.

• 1:30:32Speaker 04

  I might put my skeptic's hat on.

• 1:30:36Speaker 02

  What's the conspiracy theory that you guys hear that you're like, okay, I could kinda see that?

• 1:30:42Stavros Halkias?

  I don't know, really. I mean.

• 1:30:44Speaker 04

  That all super famous people are pedophiles?

• 1:30:48Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, they're super rich, yeah.

• 1:30:50Speaker 04

  Mine is, I do believe 9/11 was an inside job.

• 1:30:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:54Speaker 04

  Wow Nick, we really went there. We just jumped in. Never forget.

• 1:30:59Speaker 02

  Do you know, I watch this show on YouTube called Y-Files. It's great. And what they do is they, half of it is like conspiracy theory, aliens or something, right? But then the other half are facts about it and it does leave you, cause like, you, it shows- Do that with the music and with the drama, you believe it. And then suddenly you're listening, oh wait, like who that couple that does all the, the, based on the Conjuring movies, right? They go, he goes in all the detail about them and the ghosts and that, but then the other half is like, well, they were raging alcoholics. They were, you know, there was child molestation accusations and they were doing this to get that like, you see like where their motives came from finding all these ghosts. And so it really does put into perspective everything that you hear about, you know, alien invasion, all this stuff. So.

• 1:31:42Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, who it's coming from.

• 1:31:44Speaker 02

  Right. Food for thought. Interesting.

• 1:31:45Stavros Halkias?

  Look, you're so caught up on facts, Matteo.

• 1:31:49Speaker 02

  I'm sorry. That's really not, that's really not a popular opinion these days.

• 1:31:53Speaker 03

  I started, I started my own conspiracy theory in an episode recently. I don't think constellations are real.

• 1:31:59Stavros Halkias?

  I love that.

• 1:32:00Speaker 02

  Conspiracy theory, that's called being stupid.

• 1:32:04Stavros Halkias?

  Ah, so good. Yeah. I mean, also it helps to be stupid as shit for this, to believe this stuff.

• 1:32:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:32:10Speaker 03

  True.

• 1:32:11Stavros Halkias?

  Doesn't hurt. We'll do, what do you think? We got a good one here to end on?

• 1:32:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, we do.

• 1:32:17Stavros Halkias?

  All right.

• 1:32:21Speaker 05

  Hi, Stavie. Okay, this is not advice, but I just have to know, would you ever go on Dancing with the Stars? I don't know if you're one to dance, but I think you could bust a move. So please let me know. I think a lot of you fans would like to see it. And who knows? Maybe you'll find a hot lady with big tits who will be your partner. So, I don't know. Let us know. Thanks, Stav.

• 1:32:43Speaker 02

  Do you know the Greek dance? You know how to do the Greek dance?

• 1:32:45Stavros Halkias?

  I can do some of them, sure. Yeah.

• 1:32:47Speaker 02

  What's it called?

• 1:32:48Stavros Halkias?

  There's a lot, there's a bunch of different ones, like the line, the, the, the like solo one is the zebekiko. But then there's a bunch of other, you know, just the.

• 1:32:55Speaker 02

  It's like the tarantella that we do in Italy.

• 1:32:58Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah. I mean, there, there's like, I don't know, there's like a handful of them that people do at like a wedding or a baptism or whatever. I'm not really.

• 1:33:04Speaker 02

  You'd be great on Dancing with the Stars. The producers wouldn't even know what the fuck to do. With you. It would be amazing.

• 1:33:10Stavros Halkias?

  It's awesome that this, this is what people want for my career. To go on Dancing with the Stars, like, can I make it first?

• 1:33:18Speaker 02

  People, that's a big thing for a lot of people.

• 1:33:20Stavros Halkias?

  Going on Dancing with the Stars?

• 1:33:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, a lot of people, I think, a lot of people still watch TV and that they, they'd be, you're famous, they'd be excited to see you go on that show.

• 1:33:27Stavros Halkias?

  I'm still, you know, I'd like to, I'd like to make it a little, a little more before we're talking about Dancing with the Stars. I'm not ready to pack, someone Nick just missed. Did she? I didn't know that.

• 1:33:37Speaker 03

  She won it.

• 1:33:38Speaker 02

  Really?

• 1:33:38Speaker 04

  I didn't know that.

• 1:33:39Speaker 03

  She did, and in a recent interview, they go, do you still watch? She goes, I have not watched a single episode since I was on that show.

• 1:33:44Stavros Halkias?

  I didn't realize she was on Dancing with the Stars. Maybe I should, maybe I should bite my tongue and follow the Zendaya career path. How old is she? She did it with, with?

• 1:33:52Speaker 02

  Twenty-five? How old is she?

• 1:33:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, she did it when she was a kid.

• 1:33:54Speaker 03

  She did it when her, like, Disney years. Cause it was a big controversy. None of you guys remember this?

• 1:34:00Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:34:02Speaker 03

  That, because she was a Disney Channel star, so she was like a singer and a dancer, and everyone was like, it's rigged, she's a dancer, she's a dancer.

• 1:34:10Speaker 02

  What's-her-face from Dirty Dancing won. It was like, yeah, that was in the movie, like, she literally learned how to dance with Patrick Swayze, and of course she won Dancing with the Stars. It's easier.

• 1:34:19Stavros Halkias?

  They would probably say that about me if I went on, they'd be like, this is rigged, this man is too lies, his movements are too beautiful. Yeah, you know.

• 1:34:28Speaker 04

  He was an athlete when he was younger.

• 1:34:30Stavros Halkias?

  He was a junior vars, he was a varsity football player on the Baltimore Polytechnic Institute, uh, football team.

• 1:34:38Speaker 02

  I don't know how to dance, I would never do the show.

• 1:34:39Speaker 03

  Is there a reality competition you would do? Survivor, Big Brother? We want to do Amazing Race.

• 1:34:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, because we would lose it first episode.

• 1:34:48Speaker 03

  But also amazing television.

• 1:34:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just Nick being like, Jesus!

• 1:34:52Stavros Halkias?

  I'd like to, I'd like to, not now, but I would like to, when I polish my cooking skills, I would like to do Chopped, I'm a huge Chopped fan. And maybe even, maybe even the, uh, you know, the, the Great British Ba, I mean, I wouldn't be the British one, but some kind of baking competition.

• 1:35:09Speaker 02

  Are you watching the Great British Bake Off this season?

• 1:35:11Stavros Halkias?

  I haven't watched in a while, we watched, I think, years ago.

• 1:35:14Speaker 02

  This season, his name is Dylan, he is the most beautiful human being.

• 1:35:17Stavros Halkias?

  Really?

• 1:35:18Speaker 02

  Uh, everyone in the world would agree, he looks like a fucking Thundercat, like, he is so unique looking, so beautiful, his cheekbones, and he's so sweet.

• 1:35:28Stavros Halkias?

  Go to Images, what are you fucking doing?

• 1:35:30Speaker 02

  Yeah, I love that you don't go to Images.

• 1:35:31Stavros Halkias?

  Fucking idiot.

• 1:35:32Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:35:33Speaker 04

  Wait, get a good one, get a good one.

• 1:35:34Stavros Halkias?

  This guy is whatever, he's alright.

• 1:35:37Speaker 04

  No, no, you gotta see him in the show when he's.

• 1:35:39Speaker 03

  With the hat there?

• 1:35:40Stavros Halkias?

  He's fine, you guys are overdoing this guy. I was getting ready to get horny, this guy is just okay.

• 1:35:46Speaker 04

  He's gorgeous.

• 1:35:49Stavros Halkias?

  Fuck Dylan.

• 1:35:52Stavros Halkias?

  He's alright looking.

• 1:35:53Speaker 04

  No, he's, you gotta watch the show.

• 1:35:54Stavros Halkias?

  I'll watch the show.

• 1:35:56Speaker 04

  Oh, and Nelly's great too, yeah.

• 1:35:57Stavros Halkias?

  I'll watch the show. Um, alright, well, how about one more, Al, there's anything?

• 1:36:02Speaker 04

  But I did love that question.

• 1:36:04Speaker 02

  It was a fun question. I just would love to see you on Dancing with the Stones.

• 1:36:07Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. If not, fuck it, I don't give a fuck.

• 1:36:13Speaker 03

  Maybe now they'll see you on Chopped.

• 1:36:15Stavros Halkias?

  Someday, you know, Chopped Kitchen, there's a lot of pressure there.

• 1:36:19Speaker 03

  Or like chopped celebrity.

• 1:36:21Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely.

• 1:36:22Speaker 04

  Cola Scola did a sketch where they would pretend, what was her name?

• 1:36:25Speaker 03

  Lorraine.

• 1:36:26Speaker 04

  Lorraine was on Chopped, they edited it, so like, you know, oh no, what you're eating is cat hair. Put it together, it's so good, Cole's a genius.

• 1:36:37Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah, Cole.

• 1:36:38Speaker 04

  Have you seen Oh, Mary?

• 1:36:39Stavros Halkias?

  I can't wait, I haven't gone, I really wanna go, yeah. Cole is so, so funny.

• 1:36:44Speaker 04

  So, so funny. Do you remember Cole back in the day, like at shows, like at Pine Box or like, uh, Union Hall and stuff? They were always doing sketches that.

• 1:36:53Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:36:54Speaker 04

  Turned so dark so quickly.

• 1:36:56Stavros Halkias?

  I mean, that was the first thing I saw of them was the, um,

• 1:37:01Stavros Halkias?

  it was, it was promoting like a, a show, um, but it was so, it was like a lady getting interviewed.

• 1:37:09Speaker 04

  Yes, the murder documentary.

• 1:37:11Stavros Halkias?

  The whole thing.

• 1:37:12Speaker 03

  That's the best one.

• 1:37:13Stavros Halkias?

  It was insanely funny.

• 1:37:15Speaker 02

  So, uh, he came to the office.

• 1:37:17Stavros Halkias?

  Yeah.

• 1:37:19Stavros Halkias?

  Something wasn't right, and it was just, it's so funny.

• 1:37:22Speaker 02

  Dragging a dead horse across, and I thought, something about that.

• 1:37:26Stavros Halkias?

  Just never catches on, so good.

• 1:37:28Speaker 02

  I said, did you murder your sister? He said, I did. I said, okay, something's not adding up.

• 1:37:34Stavros Halkias?

  Well, whatever. Fuck the last call. That's good enough, man. We had a great episode.

• 1:37:38Speaker 03

  My sister-in-law is a dumb bitch.

• 1:37:42Stavros Halkias?

  We'll save that for another time. Matteo, Nick, thank you so much for coming.

• 1:37:46Speaker 02

  Efgaristo.

• 1:37:47Stavros Halkias?

  Watch, watch.

• 1:37:50Speaker 03

  Efgaristo.

• 1:37:52Stavros Halkias?

  Very good, very good. Watch the podcast.

• 1:37:54Speaker 02

  I never liked you on YouTube. I'm on tour, the Can't Stop Talking Tour. Go to MateoLinkComedy.com for tickets.

• 1:38:00Stavros Halkias?

  Love that.

• 1:38:01Speaker 02

  Nick, where can they see you on tour?

• 1:38:03Speaker 03

  Uh, opening for you sometimes, or we both have YouTube channels.

• 1:38:07Speaker 02

  He comes out and does four minutes. And I intro, I intro him, and I go, "This is the worst person I've ever met." Their audience is already losing it.

• 1:38:16Stavros Halkias?

  Beautiful. We'll see him, see the fellows, and thank you. Thanks, everybody. We'll talk next time.

• 1:38:21Speaker 02

  Grazie, grazie mille ragazzi.

• 1:38:23Speaker 03

  Grazie.

• 1:38:35Speaker 05

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• 1:39:05Speaker 00

  Oh, look. You just got added to a meeting about coordinating another meeting to prepare for the pre-meeting ahead of the follow-up meeting, which will, of course, require a recap meeting. And then another meeting. Hit your booking point? Book with Southwest and enter airplane mode.