Pee Afraid - Classic

Dr. Aammton Alias has a work retreat in the jungle. And when he gets there… he’s gotta go.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:05Glynn Washington?

  Tisked and tasked it, I trapped it in the basket. It laughed it, said it wouldn't answer what I asked it. I nagged it, I nagged it, I nagged it, I nagged it, till it screamed out the answers to everything I asked it.

• 0:24Glynn Washington?

  You're listening to Spooked. Stay tuned.

• 0:34Speaker 01

  Why have so many crop circles appeared around Britain? How did thousands of people demonstrate powers of telepathy? Can the dead suck the life from the living? Join me, Tim Harford, for a trip into the paranormal throughout Halloween month on Cautionary Tales. Listen to Cautionary Tales on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

• 1:09Glynn Washington?

  Now, I don't know about you, but for me, too often I feel like I'm walking through life exhausted, sleep deprived. And of course, I know exactly why, because my mind likes to play tricks, waking up at three in the morning with visions of the greatest story ever told, bits, pieces, staches. And I know that the simple act of reaching for my phone to write this madness down, just a trickle of light in the darkness will mean several hours of staring at the ceiling, not sleeping. The next day will feel half-lived.

• 1:51Glynn Washington?

  I also know that if I don't write the brilliance down this instant, the idea storm will pass forever from my mind like smoke.

• 2:03Glynn Washington?

  Before, I would sacrifice sleep to chase these phantoms, but now, often, I tell them, "No.

• 2:13Glynn Washington?

  No, I just can't right now, but please, please, please, please, revisit me at a decent hour, and you will be welcome." I wave them off, understanding full well that these ideas, they are a fickle bunch. Moody, vengeful, and because I refuse to play by their rules, I know

• 2:40Glynn Washington?

  I will never hear from them again.

• 2:53Glynn Washington?

  Spookstars.

• 2:58Glynn Washington?

  Now.

• 3:48Glynn Washington?

  Life lessons, life lessons. Dr. Ampton lives in Brunei, on the island of Borneo. He and some of his colleagues are gonna go on a work retreat. Things have gotten stressful in the office, and it's time to get on the same page and bond as a team.

• 4:10Glynn Washington?

  Spook.

• 4:20Speaker 02

  The road becomes from loose gravel to mud clay and it's at least 3 hours to drive off-road. We had this government issue, Japanese off-roaders. So we were in a convoy of those and we had fun drifting in the mud. It was like we were young again, set loose upon the world.

• 4:45Speaker 02

  There was this huge stick hill we had to drive up to and we needed to pick up speed. I said, "Come on, on the count of 3 we're gonna shout 'Sparta', you know, just like in that movie 300."

• 5:02Speaker 02

  We're together, we're having fun. Whatever fights you've had before, that's forgotten. It was like all was forgiven, you know?

• 5:16Speaker 02

  We go to a place called Sukang. None of us had ever gone there before. And it's interesting because the village is always flooded. Okay, so this is by the river bank, so all the houses are stills. It's not just rural, but it's deep rural.

• 5:36Speaker 02

  As someone who says, "Oh, I live in a tropical country, I have no idea until then what tropical rainforest is like." The trees are as tall as buildings. And then a lot of butterflies, beautiful butterflies. The air is so much cooler. If I see an eagle soaring in the air, I just feel as though I've been chosen, you know, to have a good day.

• 6:10Speaker 02

  We were all excited. We even brought a karaoke set, a full, proper karaoke set. In Southeast Asia, karaoke is a must. Doesn't matter if I can sing well or not, I am singing.

• 6:30Speaker 02

  After about four hours, we got to the dock and took a five-minute boat ride to the clinic. The clinic is basically a wooden house, a large wooden house structure on the river. There are no parts where there's soil or land. There is no dock for the clinic. You basically had to get as close as you can and jump.

• 7:04Speaker 02

  We were shown where the hall was. This is where we're going to have our team activities, team-building activities. The ladies were shown where the dorm was, where the sleeping quarters were. The guys were shown where our sleeping quarters was. Then, straight ahead was the toilet. It was quite a distance, actually.

• 7:28Speaker 02

  After we had unpacked, we do our orientation program, our team-building. One activity was there's some sort of rope that was put on the floor, and we had to get across from one side to the other without getting off the rope.

• 7:48Speaker 02

  And, you know, these things take quite some time, and I needed to pee, it was really bad.

• 7:56Speaker 02

  I went out of the hallway and started walking. And the toilet's in the end.

• 8:04Speaker 02

  And it's a long walk. I said, "Man, that's such a long way." And I wanted to get back into where all the fun was, you know, I didn't want to miss out. I had just had fun with my friends, and I felt on top of the world. I felt uninhibited. And I thought, you know, since no one's here, everyone's busy in the hall, I'm just gonna pee into the water. So that's what I did.

• 8:35Speaker 02

  As I was peeing into the water, I heard on my right side the voice of Dr. Zim, my colleague.

• 8:45Speaker 02

  He was literally standing by my side while I was peeing. He comes up right close to me and says, "I shouldn't want to do that. What if someone is down there?" Meaning, not a real person, but a spirit of some kind.

• 9:03Speaker 02

  There's something called "trouble", it's like a set of conduct. When you enter the jungle, there's certain things you're not meant to say, there's certain things you're not meant to do, because otherwise it gives an excuse for spirits to come after you. He said that you're not supposed to pee into the water because you might be peeing onto a spirit.

• 9:26Speaker 02

  So I was a bit naughty. I didn't just pee there, I challenged it. Because that's what I do, I do my challenge. That's part of my tribal instinct.

• 9:40Speaker 02

  I'm a descendant of a Kadayan tribe. When Kadayan people enter the forest, they challenge the spirits. They say, "I'm not afraid of you. Come on, come here." Part of their belief system is to keep the spirits in check. So they said, "Well, here's my golden shower."

• 10:04Speaker 02

  And I spat and I did a big loogie.

• 10:08Speaker 02

  I felt gung ho, I felt tough. I thought, "I'm indestructible, so none of these spirits, if you exist here, can do anything about it, because I am who I am."

• 10:25Speaker 02

  So he left and I, you know, I went back into the hall and did my team-building thing.

• 10:52Speaker 02

  After we had the orientation program, we decided to sing.

• 10:58Speaker 02

  We gotta sing "American Pie", right? I can still remember how that music used to make me smile. And I knew if I had my chance, then I could make those people dance.

• 11:14Speaker 02

  It's such an easy song to sing and everyone joins in the chorus. We were screaming to the top of our voices, you know?

• 11:23Speaker 02

  Bye, bye, Miss American Pie. Drove my Chevy to the levee, but the levee was dry. There was no drinking. Alcohol is prohibited in Brunei, but we had a lot of fun.

• 11:41Speaker 02

  After we finished singing, it was time for bed.

• 11:47Speaker 02

  Most of them were bunk beds.

• 11:50Speaker 02

  I grabbed one that was near a window and near the door.

• 11:56Speaker 02

  Usually I sleep well, but that night, I was woken up around 2 AM. What woke me up was this loud thumping sound underneath me. Boom, boom, boom, boom. I thought, what is that? It was very eerie. I thought, maybe it's the boat. The boat was tied to the stilted building, so wooden stilts and this water everywhere below. I thought, I'm just gonna ignore it.

• 12:31Speaker 02

  I noticed, you know, the window was frosted. But I could see a black shadow moving to and fro from one end to the other.

• 12:43Speaker 02

  It was passing by the window and then back again.

• 12:49Speaker 02

  And then something was moving past the gap between the door and the floor. And when I looked under, I saw tiny feet.

• 13:01Speaker 02

  No, no, no, no, that's just your mind playing games. You're in the jungle, you're tired. But I'm sure I saw feet. One pair of feet, moving fast by the door and passing again, just like the window.

• 13:18Speaker 02

  I was really scared.

• 13:21Speaker 02

  I said, "Hey, anyone awake?

• 13:25Speaker 02

  Hello? Hello?"

• 13:28Speaker 02

  I have a pretty loud voice and no one woke up. And I thought, "What am I gonna do?"

• 13:36Speaker 02

  So I thought, "I'm gonna get out of the room and walk towards the hall, the main hall." I thought, "It just made sense that I should be with people who was awake."

• 13:49Speaker 02

  It's like a long balustrade to get to the hallway.

• 13:55Speaker 02

  When I got out, I felt there was someone behind me, and not just someone behind me, but I felt someone was clinging to my back. Like piggybacking, like a backpack, but with hands.

• 14:14Speaker 02

  Usually, I would say, "I'm gonna turn around and look at you, and you know, if I see something, I'm gonna punch you." But here, I thought, "If I saw it, whatever it was, I'm going to die on the spot." Because I was so scared.

• 14:31Speaker 02

  My heart was pounding, I was sweating, I was trembling. I wondered if I was having a stroke. I didn't dare turn around.

• 14:42Speaker 02

  I tried saying some holy verses from the Quran, but I was just gibberish.

• 14:49Speaker 02

  So I just said, "Okay, I'm gonna look down on my feet and just keep walking towards the hall."

• 14:59Speaker 02

  When I got into the hall, I'm trying to find someone else who's awake. If I'm with someone else, we can confront anything. But if I'm alone, you know, and something happens to me, no one's going to avenge my death. No one's going to be able to tell what actually happened.

• 15:19Speaker 02

  When I went into the hall, I saw the team leader. He was asleep and I tried to wake him up. He was sleeping, a fast asleep.

• 15:29Speaker 02

  I got so upset and I said, "You're supposed to be psychiatric nurse. You're supposed to be able to wake up when there's an emergency." And he didn't wake up. And so I thought, "Gosh, what am I gonna do?" I thought, "There's no way I'm gonna sleep here because the door's open and it's huge. It's less people." I thought I'd be safer in numbers.

• 15:53Speaker 02

  So I made the option of going back towards the bedroom. And the moment I got back out there, you know, I felt the same thing. I felt something was there.

• 16:05Speaker 02

  At that moment, I saw the water disappear.

• 16:17Speaker 02

  It vanished, the water vanished, and I saw all the vegetation underneath.

• 16:24Speaker 02

  I saw the boat on the actual mud, on the actual soil, when it was just supposed to be floating. All the houses are still there, on the stilts. The trees are still there, but the water is all gone. It's like something, someone drained it all away instantly.

• 16:48Speaker 02

  I thought, "No, no, that can't be." So what I did is closed my eyes and I said holy mantra inside my heart. I opened my eyes and the water was still gone. It's completely gone.

• 17:03Speaker 02

  Whatever can make water disappear must be more powerful than you can imagine.

• 17:09Speaker 02

  I had only one thing to do, which was to run back into the bedroom. Sliding in to the door and just slamming the door. And then I jumped into the bunk bed.

• 17:21Speaker 02

  I thought, what, what was that? What the hell was that? I wanted to switch on the lights, but I was so scared that the moment I put my feet down on the floor, something from underneath my bed would drag me into somehow into the water down below.

• 17:40Speaker 02

  So at that time, I had this brand new Japanese flashlight, indestructible. I switched it on, pointed it at the wall, and I just focused on that. After five minutes, I said, all I have to do is wait till dawn. And it was at that moment, the brand new flashlight died.

• 18:04Speaker 02

  And that's when I went into further panic.

• 18:08Speaker 02

  I was sweating buckets. I gotta do something, or I'm gonna die here. I thought if something appeared in front of me suddenly, I would just collapse. And the worst thing was that if I died there, people would say, oh, he just had a heart attack. He was smoking, you know, had too much fun there. No one would say he died there because spirit killed him, or he died of shock. I was so scared.

• 18:36Speaker 02

  Eventually, I must the courage, I jumped out of the bed and just punched the lights. I started shouting at everyone, wake up, wake up, everyone. And everyone was fast asleep.

• 18:57Speaker 02

  So there was this guy in front of me. He's actually a urologist. He was somewhere in La La Land and dreaming happily, you know, blissful sleep. I thought, no matter what happens, I'm gonna wake him up. It could be one of these things that he'll never forgive me for, but this is do or die. So I slapped him hard.

• 19:23Speaker 02

  His face kind of shook and he woke. And I had to say to him, "Look, look, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." And I know this sounds crazy, but I think there's something here.

• 19:36Speaker 02

  It surprised me, he didn't fight with me. That's the thing that surprised me, how calm he was. He believed me. He said, "Okay, let's go to the hall and we'll sleep there." He actually brought me to the hall, read some holy verses for me and waited for me to sleep.

• 20:10Glynn Washington?

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• 20:52Glynn Washington?

  And I could get a little more room in my closet, you know, for that next jacket. Give your clothes a second life with Vinted. Download the Vinted app for free and start listing. No seller fees, so you keep everything you earn.

• 21:20Speaker 02

  The next day, I woke up disheveled and everyone saw me. It was so embarrassing, you know. It's not, it's not nice for everyone to see you in the middle of the hall, to find you sleeping and snoring.

• 21:34Speaker 02

  For the rest of the day, I did my best to participate in the exercises, the team-building activities. But in the back of my mind, I was thinking, "Oh my God, what had just happened? How could this happen?"

• 21:52Speaker 02

  At the same time, I didn't want people to know I peed into the water. And, and I didn't want people to know that I broke a code of conduct with this person.

• 22:04Speaker 02

  But I came up to Dr. Zim.

• 22:08Speaker 02

  I said, "You know, I should have listened to you."

• 22:11Speaker 02

  And he said, "What, what are you talking about?" "You know, about your warning not to pee into the, into the water below."

• 22:20Speaker 02

  He said, "What are you talking about? You peed in the water? Why would you do that?"

• 22:27Speaker 02

  At that time, I just, I didn't say anything else because I wasn't sure if he's pulling a long one. But at the same time, I was thinking, "I think he's telling me the truth. I don't think he was the one who told me not to pee in the water." And then I realized that I didn't actually see his face. I did not see Dr. Zim's face. All I just saw was that he was beside me. I never saw his face. I thought, "That must have been something else that was telling me not to pee into the water." I think it was the spirit itself was warning me.

• 23:10Speaker 02

  It must have been the spirit that I pissed off, literally.

• 23:18Speaker 02

  I know now, in the jungle, a proper jungle, deep jungle, you respect, you respect the unseen.

• 23:29Speaker 02

  I shared this story with a friend of mine, who's actually a spiritual master. He said that the spirits wanted to send me a warning. I was in a state of, um, it's like a dream state, but it's a dream state that's been conjured by the spirits. So that's why I couldn't wake anyone up, until I decided to slap my urologist friend. That was the only thing that broke the spell.

• 24:00Speaker 02

  And now, when I, you know, before I do a challenge, I say, "Do I really want to do this?"

• 24:07Speaker 02

  A few months ago, in my clinic upstairs, there's, um, there's a particular room that's got no windows, and

• 24:19Speaker 02

  my staff have seen something there. Every time I go to that room, I notice something there, I get goosebumps, and I basically shout that, "Don't you dare, don't you dare show up to me. I'll beat the F out of you." And as they're saying that, I was just thinking, "Oh, man, don't, don't do this, don't challenge it."

• 24:41Speaker 02

  But you've got to show that you're stronger will than you actually are, like how a cat puffs up its fur, you know? We're humans, we never learn.

• 25:14Glynn Washington?

  Thank you, Dr. Ampton, for sharing your story on Spooked. That original score was by Dirk Swartzoff. It was produced by Anne Ford.

• 25:38Glynn Washington?

  Now then, a woman dropped her engagement ring in the ocean. Not a lot of water, surely lost forever, but a man found it for her, returned it to her. Another fellow, he knew that a letter existed from his beloved departed grandfather. He had no idea where it might be until a random guy brought it to him. Said he felt like someone was looking for it. Now, while I tend to be an amazing loser of things, some people are finders. Are you a finder? If you are, let me know because there is nothing better than a spook story from a spooked listener.

• 26:22Glynn Washington?

  Spooked at snapjudgment.org and the very best way to signal not just the dark side, but the spook community in the know is by sporting the spook t-shirt of your very own. Nothing sexier in all the land. Available right now at snapjudgment.org. And if you like your storytelling under the bright light of day, get the amazing stupendous sister podcast. It's called Snap Judgment and it is storytelling with a beat.

• 27:07Glynn Washington?

  Spook was created by the team looking to get the cheapest price. Except for course for Mark Ristich, who always pays top dollar because he has enough trouble as it is. There's Davy Kim, Chris Hambrich, Leon Morimoto, Teo de Cott, Marissa Dodge, Zoe Fergno, Anne Ford, Eric Gyanis, Cody Harjo, Lola Abrera, Doug Stewart, Miles Lassie, and Yari Bundy. The spook theme song is by Pat Massey Miller. My name is from Washington. And evil, evil is something we think we want to fight. It's something that's always over there. But shadow, shadow is something very different. Shadow is the secret.

• 27:52Glynn Washington?

  Shadow is the hidden, the unknown. But the unknown does not mean the evil.

• 27:59Glynn Washington?

  So you can fight evil, you can slay the dragon, you can defeat the angry horror, but one, one does not fight Shadow. Shadow is. You can dodge, you can fence, you can peek, but the Shadow will be. It can be your friend, it can be your enemy, but it will be. It will never change its nature, you can only bend it. And the very best tool I know for coaxing Shadow to do your bidding, it's simple. Never, ever, never, ever, never, ever, ever, ever, never. Turn out the lights.