Kay Poyer is a Good Customer

Welcome! This week’s guest is the hilarious Kay Poyer! Kay and Caleb talk a harrowing trip they went on together to get BBQ in Texas, day jobs, Caleb’s Hinge, horror movies, and much more! Join our Substack for ad free full episodes, early access to merch, our community chat, and more! https://calebsaysthings.substack.com/ Follow Kay! @ladymisskay_ Follow the show! @sooootruepod Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloud Shop now at https://Fabletics.com/sotrue to get seventy to eighty percent off everything when you sign up as a new VIP Go to https://www.squarespace.com/SOTRUE to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code SOTRUE. To get involved, text UPDATE to 22422 or visit https://ImForPP.org Find exactly what you’re booking for at Booking.com. Book today on the site or in the app. So True with Caleb Hearon is edited and engineered by Nicole Lyons. Our social media manager is Virginia Muller. All episodes are filmed in The So Trudio at Legitimate Business World Headquarters in Brooklyn, New York. A Wave series. https://wavesportsandentertainment.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

• 0:01Speaker 00

  Wave.

• 0:04Speaker 01

  What is that?

• 0:05Speaker 02

  Uh, that is a bicycle.

• 0:07Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 0:10Speaker 02

  Hold on.

• 0:14Speaker 02

  You hate having to work?

• 0:15Speaker 01

  I do.

• 0:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 0:16Speaker 01

  I really, really do. Well, I hate having to work. I hate having to work for a net 30.

• 0:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 0:21Speaker 01

  Because to me, that's not real. Like, if we could do a world where it was still fully, like, the cash was in my hand and it was illegal and I wasn't paying any taxes on it, I would literally work 24/7. I would never sleep.

• 0:34Speaker 02

  If I was not paying taxes, if I was getting paid under the table.

• 0:36Speaker 01

  Well.

• 0:37Speaker 02

  Hello.

• 0:38Speaker 01

  One of the...

• 0:39Speaker 02

  First of all.

• 0:41Speaker 01

  So.

• 0:42Speaker 02

  So, don't worry about me all the time.

• 0:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:44Speaker 02

  You just moved here.

• 0:45Speaker 01

  I did, I did, yeah. And everyone is figuring that out. And now I'm really busy. And I haven't actually been busy in, like, four years. So, it's fun.

• 0:55Speaker 02

  The social calendar's a little fuller in New York City than Dallas?

• 0:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, my job back in Texas was, like, post one video a day, go to Chicken Express. That was it. That was the whole job.

• 1:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was great.

• 1:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09Speaker 01

  But no, now I actually feel like I'm, like, doing something, which is also... It's fine.

• 1:12Speaker 02

  It's great in a different way.

• 1:14Speaker 01

  It's okay.

• 1:15Speaker 02

  It's okay?

• 1:16Speaker 01

  No, it's great. It's lovely.

• 1:17Speaker 02

  You love it.

• 1:18Speaker 01

  I'm having a very good time. Yeah, I really am. It's been very fun. I'm very happy to be here.

• 1:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm excited to have you here.

• 1:23Speaker 01

  I'm excited to be here.

• 1:24Speaker 02

  It's nice to be in New York now, especially when it's about to get warm. Ooh.

• 1:28Speaker 01

  Um, I don't believe, y'all, about that anymore. I kind of feel like this is just what it's gonna be. I left 80-degree weather, and this is bullshit.

• 1:36Speaker 02

  Oh, no. You're gonna get it and you're gonna be... It's gonna be tough. You're gonna be walking up those train steps in those cute little shoes, and it's gonna be 100 degrees and you're gonna be pissed.

• 1:45Speaker 01

  It's gonna smell like balls in there.

• 1:46Speaker 02

  It's gonna smell like worse than balls. It's gonna smell like piss.

• 1:51Speaker 01

  Okay. Sure, sure, sure. I do have this very distinct memory of the last time that I visited. I did take a bus into Port Authority. For some reason, and I, there was like a two inch section of the stairs. It was like a ghost wall that I walked through that was just like straight ball smell. And I don't know, it was like, I don't even know how you accomplish something. Like it was isolated in an open space. It was kind of cool.

• 2:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, there are people in New York that I'll pass on the street that will be wearing like five layers of denim and they somehow still smell like

• 2:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:21Speaker 02

  dick and ass through all the layers.

• 2:23Speaker 01

  So imagine what happens when it comes off.

• 2:25Speaker 02

  How is it transmitting to me over here through all of that? I can't imagine the direct, the direct source.

• 2:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's probably the reason for whatever's going on in that boat. You know what I mean?

• 2:35Speaker 02

  What is going on on that boat?

• 2:36Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 2:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:37Speaker 01

  I don't, I don't work for the news.

• 2:39Speaker 02

  I don't know what's going on on there and I frankly, until it comes to the mainland.

• 2:44Speaker 02

  I'm not caring much.

• 2:46Speaker 01

  I thought, is that what they're doing? They're bringing it to the mainland?

• 2:49Speaker 02

  No, I think that's the, the issue is they, it started on the boat. And then they're like, you guys gotta stay on the boat due to it can't come to mainland. And then people on the boat are being like, this isn't fair. And I'm like, I gotta be real with y'all.

• 2:59Speaker 01

  So actually I think this is

• 3:00Speaker 02

  You're staying on the boat.

• 3:02Speaker 01

  This is actually the most fair thing we can possibly do.

• 3:05Speaker 02

  I don't know what to tell y'all. You're staying on that boat.

• 3:08Speaker 01

  Mitch, give them some steak and lobster. The military treatment.

• 3:10Speaker 02

  Feed them well. Yeah.

• 3:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:12Speaker 02

  Cheeseburger of the day, you put your dog down. Put them on that boat.

• 3:15Speaker 01

  Bring them some Sonic.

• 3:17Speaker 02

  Bring them some Sonic, airdrop them whatever they want. Chili's, triple dippers for everybody.

• 3:21Speaker 01

  I would, I would pay, I would actually pay my taxes this year if it was going to getting them a nice dinner.

• 3:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:26Speaker 01

  So they'll stay on that fucking boat.

• 3:27Speaker 02

  I would donate. If y'all stay on that boat, I will donate to have anything dropped into you. iPads, magazines, whatever you need.

• 3:33Speaker 01

  Porn, whatever. I don't care.

• 3:34Speaker 02

  I do not care.

• 3:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:36Speaker 02

  You know what's fucked up is when you travel in the US now, I mean, you know this because you just got here from Texas. There are just so many states where you go to open up porn and it's like, hey, sorry, no more porn.

• 3:45Speaker 01

  You know, there was a night when I got here about two weeks in where I, I actually realized that. Cause I got so used to like, there's no porn. There's no porn in Texas. And I don't even like really care for porn that much.

• 3:58Speaker 02

  Me neither, but sometimes you wanna know about it.

• 4:00Speaker 01

  I, I did, I went online and I was like, what, what have I missed? What have I missed in porn?

• 4:05Speaker 02

  Catching up on porn?

• 4:07Speaker 01

  And I have to tell you, it was between porn and Euphoria and it was, I chose the porn.

• 4:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:13Speaker 01

  Like, very easily, a lot better.

• 4:15Speaker 02

  Now, what is going, I've never seen Euphoria.

• 4:17Speaker 01

  You don't need to.

• 4:17Speaker 02

  But those kids seem stressed out.

• 4:19Speaker 01

  Um, yeah, and it's, it's essentially just become porn.

• 4:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:25Speaker 01

  It is a new kind of porn, a worse kind of, you know that channel, um, on cable? Where you get to see everything but the genitals, but they are doing like full 20 minute sex scenes?

• 4:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:37Speaker 01

  It's that.

• 4:37Speaker 02

  Okay, nice.

• 4:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:39Speaker 02

  And are they doing drugs or selling drugs?

• 4:41Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 4:41Speaker 02

  Yes, thank you.

• 4:42Speaker 01

  All of it.

• 4:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:43Speaker 01

  They're actually doing things with drugs that you've never seen before.

• 4:47Speaker 02

  Really?

• 4:47Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 4:48Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 4:49Speaker 01

  Fiercely.

• 4:49Speaker 02

  That is when I think of people much younger than me, that is what I imagine is going on.

• 4:55Speaker 01

  Um, I've heard some shit, I've seen some shit, yeah.

• 4:58Speaker 02

  What kinda shit are you hearing?

• 4:58Speaker 01

  I, I will say there are, there are some things y'all are doing here.

• 5:04Speaker 01

  That I, they, it's shit that hasn't even hit Texas.

• 5:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:07Speaker 01

  And I'm kind of like, I think, I think that's a part of Texas I'm gonna keep in me. I have my three things that I'm cool with. I'm not touching any of this other shit that y'all do here. It gets spooky.

• 5:18Speaker 02

  I'm not, not only am I not there or in doing those things, I'm not invited to those places. Just so, and you know that.

• 5:24Speaker 01

  So, actually, and I'm gonna argue with you here, I actually did, which, whatever. You came to Texas.

• 5:32Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 5:32Speaker 01

  You were right around the corner.

• 5:34Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 5:34Speaker 01

  From me throwing a very nasty little dance party. And you did not come.

• 5:39Speaker 02

  That is because of my feelings on the transgender community.

• 5:41Speaker 01

  Ah.

• 5:42Speaker 02

  Which are.

• 5:43Speaker 01

  So am I like?

• 5:43Speaker 02

  Which are negative.

• 5:44Speaker 01

  Okay, okay, okay.

• 5:45Speaker 02

  No, I was tired, I was tired.

• 5:48Speaker 01

  Right, you were tired, oh, I was tired too, I broke my toe that night, so what's your excuse? Broke my toe onstage.

• 5:57Speaker 01

  Put the shoe back on.

• 5:57Speaker 02

  Yes, you did.

• 5:58Speaker 01

  Yes, I did.

• 5:59Speaker 02

  Yes, you did, because you're a fucking professional.

• 6:00Speaker 01

  But you were tired.

• 6:01Speaker 02

  I was tired, and look, here's the deal. When I say I'm not invited to these places, what I mean is I'm not invited because of how I am. Like, for example, you took a risk. You invited the square gay guy to the cool trans person dance party.

• 6:12Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 6:13Speaker 02

  And what did he say? "I'm tired, I'm staying at the hotel."

• 6:15Speaker 01

  Right.

• 6:15Speaker 02

  That's why I don't get invited places.

• 6:17Speaker 01

  OK, so this was kind of just like a lesson I had to learn about you.

• 6:20Speaker 02

  You took a chance on me, and you'll start to understand, especially in New York, when you don't see me at a lot of cool things, you'll understand that it's because I don't fit in there. I have nothing to bring to that space. I'm wearing a shirt from The Gap. Right now.

• 6:32Speaker 01

  I feel like you're doing a thing right now where you're like being humble, but you just don't want to be there. And I think that's fine.

• 6:38Speaker 02

  It's both.

• 6:39Speaker 01

  I think we can just own that.

• 6:41Speaker 02

  I would go out with you.

• 6:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:43Speaker 02

  I would go out with you in New York.

• 6:44Speaker 01

  We'll see.

• 6:44Speaker 02

  If you invite me out in New York on just the right night, oh, boy, Kay, we would just have the time of our lives.

• 6:49Speaker 01

  OK, I think we're gonna, I think we're gonna have to crash basement.

• 6:53Speaker 02

  Basement?

• 6:54Speaker 01

  No.

• 6:55Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 6:55Speaker 01

  No, I'm not going back there.

• 6:56Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 6:57Speaker 01

  No, I'll go back in like four years, when I'm ready again. You know what I mean? It was a lot.

• 7:01Speaker 02

  What happened?

• 7:02Speaker 01

  Um, I don't know. It's just like, literally a dungeon. I've never, there's a level of hedonism that happens here that I think is magical. But it is, it's, I like, sometimes I walk around, I'm like, maybe I am conservative.

• 7:15Speaker 02

  What I love, I was gonna say, what I love about you is I never know if you're gonna say like, "The most leftist thing I've ever heard," or something that straight up my aunt in Missouri would say.

• 7:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, fully. I like, kind of, I'm starting to like, I like, I did think about Sodom and Gomorrah the other day. You know what I mean? Just, and like, and I love, I guess, so again, you have your feelings about the trans community, that's fine. I am becoming really homophobic.

• 7:38Speaker 02

  Really?

• 7:39Speaker 01

  Really quickly.

• 7:39Speaker 02

  Gay guys in specific, or lesbians are in trouble too?

• 7:41Speaker 01

  Um, lesbians? Hmm, I think lesbians deserve a lot more.

• 7:46Speaker 02

  I know.

• 7:48Speaker 01

  I, I, the one lesbian club that I've seen, well, OK, it kind of-

• 7:55Speaker 02

  I didn't know they had clubs. I thought they had dive bars and-

• 7:58Speaker 01

  They have a location.

• 7:59Speaker 02

  They have a location.

• 8:00Speaker 01

  It's basically like a studio.

• 8:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:01Speaker 01

  That has like a bar in it.

• 8:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:03Speaker 01

  But it has a cooler.

• 8:06Speaker 01

  But I don't know, I feel like-

• 8:10Speaker 01

  I feel like the straight people,

• 8:15Speaker 01

  if they want to be the lesbians, and it's very confusing to me, they're like playing pool.

• 8:19Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 8:19Speaker 01

  And they're like pretending they live in Texas, which that's tripping me the fuck out, too.

• 8:23Speaker 02

  Isn't it?

• 8:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:24Speaker 02

  Doesn't it fuck you up?

• 8:25Speaker 01

  And they're not, they're doing it not, it's fine, they're doing it fine. They're wearing, I don't know, it's, it's, they're wearing like shitty, like, I am a high school girl who like loves horses, like that's the boots they're wearing.

• 8:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:38Speaker 01

  Do you know what I mean?

• 8:39Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 8:39Speaker 01

  Like, none of them have the cunty, like, the boot, like, you know, those bitch conservative women.

• 8:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, they're wearing like Justins.

• 8:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:46Speaker 02

  And they're not wearing Justins in Brooklyn.

• 8:48Speaker 01

  It's fine, it's whatever they want to do.

• 8:52Speaker 01

  But I'm, I'm starting to hate gay men, and I'm starting to hate straight people at a level that I've never, I didn't know was possible.

• 8:57Speaker 02

  Now, tell me what's going on with your evolution with gay men, because you'll probably find an ally in me, I just want to make sure that we're aligned.

• 9:02Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 9:05Speaker 01

  I, I don't, I think, you know, and this, we're gonna get to this later, because I, this, I literally have been stewing on it. I think it's just like when you give a mouse a cookie, do you know what I mean?

• 9:17Speaker 02

  Right.

• 9:18Speaker 01

  And then, like, but there's no limits anymore, it's just kind of like, you can do whatever you want. And I think people become evil.

• 9:26Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 9:26Speaker 01

  When that happens.

• 9:27Speaker 02

  Shame was good for gay guys. And we got, got rid of shame, don't challenge me on this, Kay, I'm begging you.

• 9:35Speaker 02

  What, you don't think shame was good for gay guys? You don't think it was a little hotter and better and more well behaved when there was some shame?

• 9:40Speaker 01

  Hotter, yes.

• 9:41Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 9:41Speaker 01

  Hotter, I will say, I was at, I was at a party, this was a new friend, by the way, this was a very new friend, I was at a rave. I think I met this guy like three times. And it was going for a very long time, and he disappeared for like an hour, and came back and found me and the other guy, and we were like, where were you? And he was like, I was ass in the darkroom for an hour.

• 9:58Speaker 02

  Ass for an hour?

• 9:59Speaker 01

  I, I'm like, I don't even, it feels like it's just like something to do now, do you know what I mean? Like, you could play Tamadachi Life, or you could ass for an hour.

• 10:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:08Speaker 01

  I feel like I would. I don't know. I don't know. Maybe I'm conservative.

• 10:14Speaker 02

  Ass for an hour shouldn't even be a liberal conservative thing. It's like, logistically, like, either we're, I, ass is.

• 10:21Speaker 01

  Get it done.

• 10:22Speaker 02

  You know, maybe to some people, it's the point. Maybe I'm wrong.

• 10:24Speaker 01

  Well, to some people, it is the point. To some people, I've been getting a lot of, um, like, people in inflation suits on my Instagram reels. So, I mean, there's weirder things out there.

• 10:34Speaker 02

  Inflation suits?

• 10:35Speaker 01

  Have you not seen this?

• 10:36Speaker 02

  No.

• 10:36Speaker 01

  It's like, they wear a suit and it inflates. And then there's also, like, a pool floaty. And then they, like, bounce on the pool floaty. And it's like a thing.

• 10:44Speaker 02

  It's supposed to be sexy?

• 10:46Speaker 01

  For them. For a certain audience.

• 10:48Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 10:48Speaker 01

  You know, like, cake sitting or something. It's just, like, weird shit.

• 10:50Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 10:51Speaker 01

  So I guess compared to that, sure, ass for an hour.

• 10:54Speaker 02

  I guess. I just feel eating ass for an hour at the club feels so crazy to me.

• 10:59Speaker 01

  At the club is kind of, because I, I'm very much, like, um, I feel like I get very Mormon about sex. Or I'm like, you're gonna shower, I'm gonna shower.

• 11:08Speaker 02

  Right.

• 11:09Speaker 01

  You know what I mean?

• 11:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:10Speaker 01

  So at the club is just kind of a lot for me.

• 11:12Speaker 02

  It's a lot.

• 11:12Speaker 01

  But I do, this, this is the other thing, because I'm a hypocrite, um, and I love being a hypocrite. I don't want it to not be happening. Because I do want to, like, walk by the room and just know that that's going on.

• 11:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:23Speaker 01

  I, I don't know. It brings some kind of peace to me. I think I would have really enjoyed Sodom and Gomorrah back in that time.

• 11:28Speaker 02

  I think you would have had a blast at Sodom and Gomorrah.

• 11:30Speaker 01

  I would have judged them, and I would have been really mean about it. And I would have been homophobic back then, too. Um, but I would want to be there for it, you know?

• 11:37Speaker 02

  Totally. Well, we want to be part of the story.

• 11:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, I want it both ways.

• 11:40Speaker 02

  Yeah. I want to be both whore and Madonna. I want to be both virgin and slut.

• 11:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:46Speaker 02

  I want to be judging at the sex party that I came to to have sex at.

• 11:49Speaker 01

  Because, well, right.

• 11:50Speaker 02

  Any questions?

• 11:51Speaker 01

  Well, I, and that's, I think, what it really gets down to, is I'm only getting pissed because there's nobody here that I want to have sex with.

• 11:57Speaker 02

  Hello.

• 11:57Speaker 01

  And now I'm like, okay, you all need to stop.

• 11:59Speaker 02

  Yeah. If I'm not.

• 12:02Speaker 01

  If.

• 12:02Speaker 02

  If I'm not fucking, nobody's fucking.

• 12:05Speaker 01

  So, if this is about me, is, is the big thing, is that it's, it's about me.

• 12:09Speaker 02

  Most things are.

• 12:10Speaker 01

  And that is how I feel.

• 12:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:12Speaker 01

  And I think that's how I found myself in this position of working.

• 12:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:15Speaker 01

  Um, really bad for me, though.

• 12:17Speaker 02

  How's that?

• 12:18Speaker 01

  Working.

• 12:19Speaker 02

  Working is, oh, working is bad for you, back to that.

• 12:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:21Speaker 02

  I thought you were gonna tell me there's some particular way that working is bad for you, but it's just in the way of not wanting to do it.

• 12:26Speaker 01

  What I will say is good about this, though, is not, I do think that I gave my last boss cancer.

• 12:31Speaker 02

  How so?

• 12:32Speaker 01

  Just being a bad employee.

• 12:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, and he loves me, like, I love him very much.

• 12:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:37Speaker 01

  But he started getting a lot of stuff removed from his scalp, like, very shortly after he hired me.

• 12:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:41Speaker 01

  And I loved being late and being mean to his customers and fighting with his customers, so, I don't know, and that's kind of just like-

• 12:48Speaker 02

  You think you kind of stress-induced cancer for him?

• 12:50Speaker 01

  I think so.

• 12:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, I, I do think, um, maybe that that is like something that should, if this all doesn't work out, it should be on my resume, that like if you're above the age of 60, you probably shouldn't hire me, cuz it's, it's been a pattern.

• 13:04Speaker 02

  They're gonna start putting warnings on you like cigarette boxes.

• 13:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, and I do, I think that's fair and that's valid.

• 13:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think that's completely fair.

• 13:10Speaker 01

  I, um, we were just talking about this, I, I think, I actually can't remember the last time I didn't get fired. I probably would've got-

• 13:20Speaker 01

  I probably would've gotten fired from this last one.

• 13:22Speaker 02

  I'm trying to think of a moment recently where I wasn't being fired.

• 13:24Speaker 01

  Like, constantly being fired or quitting. Um, and I think he would've, if, well, and again, you know, a valid reason to be transphobic, I think he would've fired me if I wasn't trans, but he like loved dolls.

• 13:40Speaker 02

  No.

• 13:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, he was like-

• 13:42Speaker 02

  I love that.

• 13:42Speaker 01

  Well, I think he thought that we like walked outside and got shot every day.

• 13:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:45Speaker 01

  And that's just like not what was happening at all. Like, honestly, Texas was like very fun for me.

• 13:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:51Speaker 01

  But I did milk it, I was like, it's so hard and scary, like, please keep giving me $11 an hour.

• 13:57Speaker 02

  You have to understand why I'm late to work, it's due to my oppression.

• 14:00Speaker 01

  It's due, it's due to being shot.

• 14:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's due to all my gunshot wounds, yeah.

• 14:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, you know, just like a mesh lifting up my shirt, yeah.

• 14:07Speaker 02

  And he's a cis guy?

• 14:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, old gay man, old queen.

• 14:11Speaker 02

  Hi.

• 14:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:12Speaker 02

  Oh, I love him.

• 14:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, like, I remember one of the craziest things, and I feel like I've talked about this before, maybe in a video, he just stood there one day and he looked at me and he, cuz he was like a drag queen when he was like 15, uh, like in Victorian England or whatever the fuck, and he goes, you know, back in my day-

• 14:30Speaker 01

  There was a brick and there was fish. And then he looked me up and down. And I was like, I don't know which one I am, but I went and fixed my makeup.

• 14:40Speaker 01

  And it was just shit like that all the time.

• 14:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:42Speaker 01

  But I think a gay man who like actively saw the AIDS crisis, like you can say whatever you want to me, it's fine.

• 14:48Speaker 02

  Of course you can.

• 14:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't, you can call me a boy, for all I care.

• 14:52Speaker 02

  Misgender me, why not?

• 14:53Speaker 01

  Like, it's fine.

• 14:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:55Speaker 01

  It's com- and I'm like, that's not even a joke.

• 14:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:59Speaker 01

  Dead fuck serious, I don't care.

• 15:01Speaker 02

  If you lived through the AIDS crisis, you can kind of get away with whatever with me?

• 15:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, like you remember a world that had taste in it, and I think that's beautiful.

• 15:09Speaker 02

  For sure.

• 15:10Speaker 01

  And I'm against slowly killing this man.

• 15:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's really tough, but I think you're being true to yourself and that's beautiful in many ways.

• 15:17Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 15:17Speaker 02

  You're welcome. What, you said if this doesn't all work out, what is this all working out? What do you want from all this? Why are you doing this?

• 15:23Speaker 01

  Um, well, I really like attention.

• 15:25Speaker 02

  Huge.

• 15:26Speaker 01

  And I really like being listened to.

• 15:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:29Speaker 01

  Um, and I'm hoping at some point I will make a lot of money.

• 15:34Speaker 02

  Yeah?

• 15:35Speaker 01

  Um, no, also, I just, yeah, I mean, I kind of just want to do everything. Um, I kind of did tell my, in not so many words, I told my literary agent to like fuck off for a while and let me just write and figure it out. Um, I'm really liking acting recently, I've gotten a lot of acting gigs. So I'm hoping that that will pick up and I'll get to do more projects. I don't know, I, just kind of whatever. I just kind of want to like say yes to anything that's cool. I do, I told Drew this too, I really want to get killed in a horror movie. That's the only like concrete dream that I have. Is I want to like guts, like butts, everything, I want it all ripped off.

• 16:10Speaker 02

  How ideally would you like to be killed?

• 16:12Speaker 01

  Um.

• 16:13Speaker 02

  Like ripped apart, stabbed, shot?

• 16:15Speaker 01

  I want it to be a scene that when they write reviews about it, they're like, that felt like too much.

• 16:22Speaker 01

  Like I want it to kind of be like something I don't even want to watch.

• 16:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:25Speaker 01

  You know?

• 16:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:27Speaker 01

  There's, have you ever heard of a movie called Terrifier?

• 16:29Speaker 02

  No.

• 16:30Speaker 01

  Okay, so it's a terrible movie, like awful, such a bad movie. And there's, um, it's just a clown killing people. And there's like one scene, I think it goes on for like- What, like 20 minutes or something? It's insane. And it's disgusting, and I hated it, and I hate that movie. I sent an email, actually, to the director. I was like, I hate you.

• 16:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:50Speaker 01

  And I think you're terrible at what you do.

• 16:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:53Speaker 01

  But yeah, I do want to die like that, like, in a movie. Yeah, like, pieces and skin, all of it.

• 16:58Speaker 02

  I think we can make that happen for you.

• 16:59Speaker 01

  I would really, I would really love that.

• 17:01Speaker 02

  I think we can make that happen for you.

• 17:02Speaker 01

  That would make up for you not coming to my party.

• 17:04Speaker 02

  Would it? If I got you killed in a horror movie, would you never bring that up again?

• 17:09Speaker 01

  Well, yeah.

• 17:12Speaker 02

  Not never.

• 17:14Speaker 01

  Not never, but I'll give you, like, a week.

• 17:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, you mean that?

• 17:17Speaker 01

  I do.

• 17:17Speaker 02

  That's really sweet.

• 17:18Speaker 01

  I really, really do, from the bottom of my heart, yeah.

• 17:21Speaker 02

  One thing that's going on with me, and I don't know how long we'll have to talk about it on the show, I do have an eye twitch that has developed.

• 17:27Speaker 01

  Okay, why?

• 17:28Speaker 02

  Sorry, I'm talking about it again.

• 17:29Speaker 01

  Hold on. Okay, so this is clearly...

• 17:32Speaker 02

  Everyone's upset, I'm talking about it again.

• 17:34Speaker 01

  Okay, so is it like...

• 17:35Speaker 02

  When I go through something, everyone has to go through it.

• 17:37Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 17:38Speaker 02

  Do you understand what I mean?

• 17:38Speaker 01

  No, that's natural.

• 17:39Speaker 02

  Natural, normal, that's a normal way of being.

• 17:41Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm, it's a normal...

• 17:42Speaker 02

  I am going through an eye twitch. I haven't had a caffeinated beverage in four days.

• 17:46Speaker 01

  Okay, well, that's why, you need caffeine.

• 17:48Speaker 02

  Okay, I'm loving that theory. You're the first person brave enough to say something like that.

• 17:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:53Speaker 02

  Everyone, when you have an eye twitch, everyone's a doctor. They say you need sleep, you need to be less stressed, you need water. Magnesium and potassium have come up, so I'm gonna start looking into that.

• 18:02Speaker 01

  Witchcraft.

• 18:02Speaker 02

  People told me to eat bananas.

• 18:04Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 18:04Speaker 02

  Also, a friend told me that maybe I need a new prescription, and maybe I'm straining with my current prescription.

• 18:10Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 18:10Speaker 02

  So I need to see an eye doctor.

• 18:11Speaker 01

  Is it, are you gonna die?

• 18:13Speaker 02

  Do what?

• 18:13Speaker 01

  Is an eye twitch gonna, is it, like, a serious...

• 18:15Speaker 02

  It is so annoying, I, it feels like I'm dying.

• 18:18Speaker 01

  Okay, sure.

• 18:19Speaker 02

  Do you know what I mean? Like, when you, when I'm annoyed at all, it feels like death.

• 18:23Speaker 01

  Sure, no, no, no. Um, potassium, bananas, it sounds like you have a lot of, it sounds like you're getting some very crunchy answers.

• 18:30Speaker 02

  I'm getting crunchy answers.

• 18:31Speaker 01

  I think you need to drink coffee.

• 18:32Speaker 02

  You think so?

• 18:33Speaker 01

  I think... Yeah, I think you need to drink as much coffee as possible and I think that will probably fix the issue. Or try ignoring it. And I feel like that solves all of my medical problems.

• 18:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, ignoring it's not working. I have tried that. In the past, I've had an eye twitch for like two hours. This is the first time I've had an eye twitch for seven days.

• 18:51Speaker 01

  Do you notice any triggers? Like, is there a specific moment where it starts?

• 18:54Speaker 02

  No.

• 18:54Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 18:55Speaker 02

  No, nothing has changed. I'm sleeping the same amount, drinking the same amount of water. My coffee intake was normal. I don't know what happened.

• 19:02Speaker 01

  And you still have the twitch?

• 19:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, hold on. Can you see it?

• 19:05Speaker 01

  I can't. Oh, I can!

• 19:07Speaker 02

  It's going.

• 19:07Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 19:08Speaker 02

  It's going right now. That's why I bring it up. It's a really crazy thing.

• 19:10Speaker 01

  I have to tell you now that I can see it, it's really bothering me too.

• 19:15Speaker 01

  If you could actually look that way, that'd be awesome.

• 19:17Speaker 02

  I just don't know what to do. Yeah, but when I go through something, it really is everyone's problem.

• 19:21Speaker 01

  So, and I think that's why you're sitting in the chair.

• 19:24Speaker 02

  You think that's why I'm here?

• 19:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:25Speaker 02

  What do you mean by that?

• 19:27Speaker 01

  Well...

• 19:30Speaker 02

  What more is there to be said?

• 19:31Speaker 01

  Really, what more is there to be said?

• 19:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:33Speaker 01

  I'm, you know, that's actually something that I am trying to learn more. I'm like, actually, I do want to make this everyone's problem. Do you know what I mean?

• 19:38Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 19:39Speaker 01

  Because I will say, and I want to say this too, I, so, gay people, straight people, I'm also really starting to hate artists.

• 19:47Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 19:47Speaker 01

  Um, because a lot of them are bad at what they do. And...

• 19:50Speaker 02

  By the way, what kind of artists? Or it doesn't matter?

• 19:52Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 19:52Speaker 02

  Okay, thank you.

• 19:53Speaker 01

  Check all of them.

• 19:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, all of them.

• 19:55Speaker 01

  Um, particularly, I, I will show up on a set and somebody will be a hair artist or a makeup artist and do things on my face and my body that I'm like,

• 20:06Speaker 01

  "You're gonna be shot." You know what I mean?

• 20:08Speaker 02

  You will be dealt with.

• 20:09Speaker 01

  Like, when, so when I have the money in my bank account, first person that I'm hiring is a hitman and I'm getting you killed because you straightened my hair, and now I'm gonna kill you. Do you know what I mean?

• 20:19Speaker 02

  Not straightened.

• 20:20Speaker 01

  Um, yeah, I don't even remember why I brought that up. I think I'm just really mad about it.

• 20:24Speaker 02

  It makes total sense to me.

• 20:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't know, but I'm not good at being like, "Oh, I hate this and you're bad at your job," but I'm trying to get better at doing that. Making it everyone else's problem, you know?

• 20:35Speaker 02

  I think there's a way to do it that you actually don't have to say that.

• 20:37Speaker 01

  No, of course I won't say that.

• 20:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:39Speaker 01

  But I, I'd like to be able to psychically transmit that thought.

• 20:42Speaker 02

  You want to send that in, that intel?

• 20:44Speaker 01

  Well, because these people don't speak southern, so you can't say like...

• 20:48Speaker 02

  Bless your heart.

• 20:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:49Speaker 02

  This is, this is interesting.

• 20:51Speaker 01

  Because you say that and they go, "Oh, my god, you're from Texas." And I'm like, I just did a spell on you and you're gonna cough in seven days.

• 20:59Speaker 02

  One thing the internet has done unfortunately has like, it's given people too many insights into too much. Like, do you, like, I think Bless Your Heart now has jumped the shark and like, now people that didn't know what that was code for now do know. Do you know what I'm saying? Like, we've, too many of our secrets, everyone's secrets are getting out.

• 21:15Speaker 01

  But the thing is that they still use it wrong.

• 21:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:19Speaker 01

  I actually did have a girl say that to me, actually, bitch, while I was sitting in a chair.

• 21:24Speaker 02

  No.

• 21:25Speaker 01

  Said that to me. And I did, I turned around and I was like, excuse me? And she was like, what? And I was like, I think I said, I did, I think I said bitch, but like in a friend way. But I was like, bitch, that does not mean what you think it means. Don't say that to me again.

• 21:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:38Speaker 01

  I don't know. But, I mean, they, I, they wanna be southern, they wanna be, they wanna, well, they wanna be Californians who move to Texas. And that, they're very successfully giving.

• 21:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:48Speaker 01

  So, whatever, say y'all, say bless your heart.

• 21:51Speaker 02

  So, to the extent that the goal was to, to the extent that the rubric is, did you achieve what you set out to achieve? They are achieving it.

• 21:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:58Speaker 02

  They are giving Californians to move to Texas.

• 22:00Speaker 01

  They are, and they are drinking terrible drinks in bars with wood paneling, wood paneling everywhere.

• 22:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:05Speaker 01

  I don't know what's going on there. Big Christmas lights all the time.

• 22:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:09Speaker 01

  It really, it feels like I'm at fucking, like, Joe's in the boonies, like, delivering a pizza to, like, three drunk motherfuckers running a bar. Like, it's crazy.

• 22:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:19Speaker 01

  I don't know. I don't know.

• 22:20Speaker 02

  What's the worst job you've ever had?

• 22:23Speaker 01

  Hmm. Oh my god, I've had so many. Oh, I worked at this restaurant, I was a hostess, and then they were training me in the back. Um, and I, I got the job because my dealer, back when weed was like illegal, back when shame was normal.

• 22:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:36Speaker 01

  Um, he, my dealer worked in the kitchen, and he was training me, and he was refilling sauces. And, you know, it's like a big container into like a little bottle.

• 22:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:48Speaker 01

  And he would fill one up, and then there would be like the dribbles, and he would take it, lick it, close the container, do the next one.

• 22:57Speaker 02

  I don't, why does that gross me out so bad?

• 22:59Speaker 01

  Well, because he's literally infecting everyone.

• 23:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:02Speaker 01

  You know what I mean? It's like, you don't wanna fuck your drug dealer, you definitely don't wanna like eat his spit in your Caesar's salad.

• 23:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:08Speaker 01

  And then he would also, like, he just loved, like, taking food out of the orders and... Like, was everyone's favorite word in that restaurant. And it was like, not as funny back then as it is to me now.

• 23:19Speaker 02

  I was gonna say, is kind of awesome.

• 23:20Speaker 01

  No, now it would be like, I would have such a field day. And it would be my fault.

• 23:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:25Speaker 01

  But back then, I was like, really? I don't know. Um, yeah, it was just terrible and I hated serving people and I hate customers. I do think being a customer is the most evil thing you can do. Can I say that?

• 23:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, you can say that.

• 23:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, I do think it's, at any given moment, the worst person that you are is when you're a customer.

• 23:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:42Speaker 01

  And I do think, I do think, like, not only should they be able to kick people out of the restaurant or the store, I do think it should kind of be like a PvP situation. As in, like, if you wanna fight, we can fight.

• 23:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:57Speaker 01

  You know what I mean?

• 23:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:58Speaker 01

  A home field advantage kind of thing.

• 24:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:01Speaker 01

  But like, the person working gets a weapon and you don't.

• 24:03Speaker 02

  Really?

• 24:04Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 24:04Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 24:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:05Speaker 02

  Are you a customer quite often?

• 24:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:08Speaker 02

  And do you feel like you're a-

• 24:09Speaker 01

  I mind my business.

• 24:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, you mind your business.

• 24:11Speaker 01

  I keep it simple.

• 24:14Speaker 02

  Excuse me, so sorry about that. Please don't react to that. And by the way, the sneeze made the eye twitch kind of flare back up.

• 24:21Speaker 01

  So, and you keep bringing attention to it?

• 24:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:23Speaker 01

  And I'm telling you, Caleb, like, it's, I've got about two minutes of that left.

• 24:26Speaker 02

  You're gonna have to deal with it for maybe longer than two minutes because I don't know what to do when I'm going through something.

• 24:31Speaker 01

  Okay, so are you the customer right now? Where am I?

• 24:34Speaker 02

  Right now, I would say unfortunately, everyone listening is the customer.

• 24:37Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 24:38Speaker 02

  You know what I mean? They are actually tuning into this, which is crazy.

• 24:40Speaker 01

  Sure, and we're the two people talking on shift.

• 24:42Speaker 02

  We're the two people talking on shift.

• 24:44Speaker 01

  And we're doing it because we know they're eavesdropping.

• 24:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:46Speaker 01

  And we like attention.

• 24:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:47Speaker 01

  Because we are both personality hires and we were late today.

• 24:49Speaker 02

  Yes, absolutely. How often would you say you're late to something?

• 24:52Speaker 01

  Um, I'm a lot better now because I am doing things that I want to do, but if it's like, actually, if it's something I'm being paid for, I'm probably gonna be like fifteen to twenty minutes late.

• 25:05Speaker 01

  If I'm doing it for free because I wanna be there on time.

• 25:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:08Speaker 01

  Um, which is also not fun because trans people and gay people love being late to everything.

• 25:14Speaker 02

  I have learned that about us, yeah.

• 25:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's really, are you an on-time girl?

• 25:17Speaker 02

  I was late today, but for the most part, I'm on time.

• 25:20Speaker 01

  I don't think five minutes counts as late.

• 25:22Speaker 02

  It does. In my opinion, it does.

• 25:25Speaker 01

  Okay, well.

• 25:26Speaker 02

  I do not like waiting on people.

• 25:27Speaker 01

  I was doing you a favor.

• 25:28Speaker 02

  I know, it was very sweet of you, but you shouldn't. I don't like waiting on people. It really pisses me off.

• 25:32Speaker 01

  Sure, okay. You're like very punctual about plans.

• 25:35Speaker 02

  Uh, for the most part, yeah.

• 25:37Speaker 01

  Do you do the thing where you lie about the time? Like push it like forward?

• 25:41Speaker 02

  To late friends?

• 25:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:42Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 25:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Does it work?

• 25:43Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah. Well, I've done it to friends who were working on their being lateness.

• 25:49Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 25:49Speaker 02

  And they have not appreciated that because then they've showed up on time and what I've done is told them to come early and now they have been bamboozled. And all that's gonna encourage in them is more lateness.

• 26:00Speaker 01

  Right.

• 26:01Speaker 02

  So it can backfire sometimes.

• 26:03Speaker 01

  You know, I've tried really everything. I've tried threats of violence. I've tried bribing. I have tried, well, those are the only two.

• 26:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's it. That's everything.

• 26:12Speaker 01

  Really it. Cause that trick, I like don't have the brainpower. Well, and I feel like they know when I'm doing it. Do you know what I mean?

• 26:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:18Speaker 01

  Like, there's something about the way the conversation goes. Well, and it's like the type of friends that I have, it's like we have lunch plans. It's gonna be 4pm.

• 26:27Speaker 02

  No!

• 26:28Speaker 01

  Yo, yes.

• 26:29Speaker 02

  Lunch at 4pm?

• 26:30Speaker 01

  Oh, sister, none of us had jobs back home. We just like found ways to make money and so literally getting up before like 2pm was like,

• 26:38Speaker 02

  Oh, wow.

• 26:39Speaker 01

  That's a stretch for me.

• 26:40Speaker 02

  That's a whole other life.

• 26:42Speaker 01

  You know what I mean? And then we're Texas girls, so glam. So, yeah, no, nothing was ever happening before 4pm.

• 26:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:47Speaker 01

  And I love that. I kind of like appreciate it.

• 26:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, there's a beauty to that.

• 26:50Speaker 01

  Yeah. I mean, it like also made me wanna kill myself, cause I hate people being late too.

• 26:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, totally. Well, when I do things, I've always said this, anything I do is different.

• 26:59Speaker 01

  Would you call yourself a hypocrite?

• 27:01Speaker 02

  No.

• 27:02Speaker 01

  Okay, why?

• 27:03Speaker 02

  Because that's a negative term.

• 27:11Speaker 02

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• 27:51Speaker 02

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• 30:07Speaker 02

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• 31:21Speaker 02

  You think I'm a hypocrite?

• 31:22Speaker 01

  I think I'm a hypocrite.

• 31:23Speaker 02

  You think you're a hypocrite?

• 31:24Speaker 01

  I openly admit to being a hypocrite. I, literally, that is how I made my last relationship last so long, was he would go, "You're a hypocrite." And I would go, "Yeah."

• 31:31Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 31:32Speaker 01

  Yes. And then we would go home and fuck. So...

• 31:35Speaker 02

  I think you're a thought leader and a trend setter.

• 31:37Speaker 01

  Do you think so?

• 31:38Speaker 02

  I do.

• 31:41Speaker 01

  I feel like I, because I'm a hypocrite?

• 31:45Speaker 02

  No, I don't think of hypocrisy with you. I don't think we've, we haven't spent enough time together for me to understand if you're a hypocrite or not.

• 31:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, the last time we, when I saw you at dinner, by the way, can we have an honest review about that barbecue place?

• 31:58Speaker 02

  It was bad.

• 31:59Speaker 01

  It was bad, thank you. It was bad.

• 32:00Speaker 02

  It was bad. It was bad.

• 32:02Speaker 01

  And I do also want to say, that was another thing, I tried to take you both to a good taco place.

• 32:07Speaker 02

  You did. It did not look, it did not look like what I wanted.

• 32:11Speaker 01

  Do you, are you scared of like a hole in the wall?

• 32:13Speaker 02

  No, I'm not scared of a hole in the wall.

• 32:14Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 32:14Speaker 02

  But the taco place you sent, while I'm sure the tacos were good, was not giving what I needed for that meal.

• 32:20Speaker 01

  Okay, and so what you needed was bad.

• 32:23Speaker 02

  Bad barbecue.

• 32:24Speaker 01

  Bad barbecue.

• 32:25Speaker 02

  I thought it was gonna be good.

• 32:26Speaker 01

  Because you have like a whole reputation for being like, my name is Caleb and I know about barbecue.

• 32:32Speaker 02

  I do.

• 32:33Speaker 01

  And so I would have thought your instincts.

• 32:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:35Speaker 01

  But can I tell you, I don't think Texas is a barbecue, and maybe this is controversial, I don't think Texas is a barbecue state.

• 32:40Speaker 02

  Well, I think, well, okay, there's so much to unpack in that.

• 32:43Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 32:44Speaker 02

  But what I'll tell you is we were up against several factors that day, which is like, look, was I just taking you to what I thought would be the best barbecue in Dallas? No. Was I taking you to barbecue that I thought would be good near my hotel because we had three hours before the event? Yes. So there were a lot of constraints that we were up against.

• 32:59Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 33:00Speaker 02

  Should I have trusted a local on a taco spot? Of course I should have.

• 33:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:04Speaker 02

  But I didn't do that.

• 33:05Speaker 01

  No, you didn't.

• 33:06Speaker 02

  Because I don't believe women.

• 33:08Speaker 01

  Well.

• 33:09Speaker 02

  Ultimately.

• 33:09Speaker 01

  Right.

• 33:10Speaker 02

  And that is something we're gonna have to work on in our friendship.

• 33:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, we'll work on that and then we'll address the trans thing. Although I'm fine to let you keep that one, as long as I'm the exception.

• 33:19Speaker 02

  My transphobia?

• 33:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 33:22Speaker 01

  I really don't care, as long as it's not me.

• 33:23Speaker 02

  Really?

• 33:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:26Speaker 01

  I'm kidding, I'm kidding, I'm gonna get so canceled.

• 33:29Speaker 02

  Joking, you guys, joking, joking. You're not gonna get canceled. Do you feel cancelable?

• 33:37Speaker 01

  No, I mean, I don't know. I think there was a, there was a time where I feel like I was really scared of that because I think the internet loves, well, everyone hates women. Nobody likes women.

• 33:48Speaker 02

  That's true.

• 33:48Speaker 01

  Everyone hates women. But now I think we're kind of at a point where every woman on the internet is like, it'll be my day at some point and it'll probably make my career better.

• 33:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:57Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 33:57Speaker 02

  You think a cancellation could just like boost your whole thing?

• 34:00Speaker 01

  It depends for like what you did. Do you know what I mean? But I think a lot of the times it is just like, this woman has been on my screen. There's like a limit and then a girl hits the, the limit and then they're like, well, we have to kill her now.

• 34:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:13Speaker 01

  It's kind of just like an, you used to have to get a pixie cut for that to happen and now you don't even need the pixie cut. You used to get Anne Hathaway and now you can kind of just, it can happen whenever, you know?

• 34:25Speaker 02

  But she survived. She's stronger than ever.

• 34:27Speaker 01

  And she looks great.

• 34:29Speaker 02

  She looks fab.

• 34:30Speaker 01

  And you know, I hate, I know that it's not like witchcraft. It's probably just like, she's probably really healthy and like gets treatments all the time.

• 34:38Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 34:38Speaker 01

  I wish that it was like, you just have to eat like one person's heart and like do a spell and then you look like that forever.

• 34:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, that would be nice.

• 34:45Speaker 01

  Cause I would. I would do it.

• 34:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know you would.

• 34:47Speaker 01

  I mean, I would find a volunteer. I would make it like a sex thing.

• 34:50Speaker 02

  Totally.

• 34:51Speaker 01

  Be like, do you want to die for me?

• 34:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, totally.

• 34:54Speaker 01

  But I would do it.

• 34:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know you would. Eat a heart if I would look.

• 34:58Speaker 01

  To be young and sexy forever.

• 34:59Speaker 02

  No. But that's only because I don't want to be young and sexy forever.

• 35:03Speaker 01

  Are you excited to be like a little old man?

• 35:04Speaker 02

  I'm really excited. I think I'm gonna get really interesting work out of it.

• 35:09Speaker 01

  What do you think your vibe for like retirement? Like what's the plan? What do you see for yourself?

• 35:13Speaker 02

  I'm gonna work until the day I die.

• 35:15Speaker 01

  Really?

• 35:15Speaker 02

  Not every day.

• 35:17Speaker 01

  I hate.

• 35:18Speaker 02

  But I'm gonna work on some level. I want to be making movies when I'm, if, well, let's be honest. What, what age do we think I'm gonna get to? Seventy-three?

• 35:26Speaker 01

  You think the cutoff is the seventies for you?

• 35:28Speaker 02

  I just don't see myself in my eighties and nineties, like purely from a, like, I just don't think that.

• 35:32Speaker 01

  Logistically, our point is not what you're about to say.

• 35:34Speaker 02

  Logistically, I'm just like, I don't think I would even want that.

• 35:37Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 35:38Speaker 02

  I don't, here's what I'll say.

• 35:39Speaker 01

  It's a lot.

• 35:40Speaker 02

  If it ever gets to a point where I can't do things for myself, this is not something I'm saying for anyone else. I'm saying for me, Caleb.

• 35:47Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 35:47Speaker 02

  I would rather die.

• 35:49Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 35:49Speaker 02

  If I can't take myself places and do things on my own.

• 35:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:52Speaker 02

  I'm going to pay someone handsomely to kill me.

• 35:55Speaker 01

  Compassionately.

• 35:56Speaker 02

  How?

• 35:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:57Speaker 02

  Pills.

• 35:58Speaker 01

  Okay, that, I gotta tell you, that sounds awful. I, I would say, give me the shotgun, like a dog.

• 36:04Speaker 02

  Really?

• 36:04Speaker 01

  You know what I mean, like a, or like a horse?

• 36:06Speaker 02

  I want pills.

• 36:07Speaker 01

  Well, now they give the horses pills. But I don't know, I want the gun, make it fast.

• 36:11Speaker 02

  Yeah?

• 36:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, but I was told by a psychic I am gonna live to eighty-nine, and she died right after she told me that, so I do believe her.

• 36:20Speaker 01

  Yeah. But she said I'm gonna live to eighty-nine, so my plan is to hit like a fierce eighty, and then get really into like, all, all the drugs that I'm refusing at the club right now.

• 36:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:32Speaker 01

  I'm gonna run that one back.

• 36:34Speaker 02

  Start accepting.

• 36:35Speaker 01

  In my eighties. Um, and then I wanna disappear into the woods, and whatever happens, happens. And I have said this on record before, this is how I feel very deeply in my spirit.

• 36:44Speaker 02

  You wanna spend your eighties doing hard drugs alone in the woods?

• 36:48Speaker 01

  No, I wanna do the hard drugs, like, in the retirement home.

• 36:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:52Speaker 01

  And then, I feel like, you know, like, animals like hide when they know it's coming?

• 36:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:59Speaker 01

  That's kind of what I'm gonna do. Like, I think I'll feel it.

• 37:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:02Speaker 01

  And go, you know what I mean?

• 37:03Speaker 02

  I will say, I, retired people, these retirement communities, they're living large.

• 37:08Speaker 01

  I, well...

• 37:09Speaker 02

  All they do is golf cart to the clubhouse, get fucked up, do karaoke, swim, fuck each other. They're all swinging.

• 37:15Speaker 01

  Fuck like crazy.

• 37:17Speaker 02

  Fuck like crazy, eating, they're eating like, they're eating like a dog on its last day.

• 37:21Speaker 01

  See, and I feel, I can't help but feel like they did the whole hedonism thing right, cuz they were just, like, swinging and doing orgies, but like, in a very well-decorated environment.

• 37:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:33Speaker 01

  And I kind of really appreciate that.

• 37:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:35Speaker 01

  Because here's the thing, I don't, mm, I don't, I really don't have anything against kinky people, but I just, so many times, I feel like the outfits are terrible. And I have like this old coffee table book of like, old latex and rubber, and it's so chic.

• 37:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:48Speaker 01

  And now, like, the pup mask thing, I'm like, genuinely, it's the ugliest. I don't even care that it's like a dog thing, I love furries, shout out the furry community.

• 37:56Speaker 02

  Shout out.

• 37:57Speaker 01

  Why is the mask ugly, though?

• 37:59Speaker 02

  Why is the mask ugly? Why is the harness red leather? Like, it's not working for me aesthetically.

• 38:06Speaker 01

  Like, if it was all red, and then, and then you know what? It's that they have like the Nike shoes on. And like, that is, like, literally hole out in your sneakers.

• 38:16Speaker 02

  Yeah, Air Force, Air Force on-

• 38:18Speaker 01

  Crazy to me.

• 38:19Speaker 02

  With your cock like bound with rubber.

• 38:21Speaker 01

  Literally, like, what, like, you're caged in, like, Asics shoes right now. The Grindr of it all. I will, you know, a picture that I have gotten more than once from different- And I'm not on anymore, I'm, I'm born again. Um, but when I was active, have you ever been sent- A guy will send a picture of like, a close up of his mouth open with his tongue out? Have you ever had this happen to you?

• 38:43Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 38:43Speaker 01

  That-

• 38:44Speaker 02

  Usually older men.

• 38:45Speaker 01

  I don't know who, there's a lot happening with men sexually nowadays, and I'm like, I don't know who told you anyone wants that.

• 38:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:53Speaker 01

  Um, and I don't know, can I say that I feel like a lot of people don't really have kinks? They're just like, I don't know, it's like, um, it's like hot honey. Or like, the, the orange sauce that all the restaurants have for the burgers now.

• 39:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:09Speaker 01

  It's just like something to do.

• 39:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:11Speaker 01

  Cause the burger tastes like shit, and we have to put something on it, you know what I mean?

• 39:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, I do.

• 39:15Speaker 01

  Um, and so I got tired of it, so I'm born again, and I don't have sex anymore.

• 39:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's beautiful. That's completely beautiful, I love that. I'm in a different situation personally.

• 39:25Speaker 01

  I know.

• 39:25Speaker 02

  But I'm loving that for you.

• 39:26Speaker 01

  And I'm, you know, hate the center, not the center.

• 39:30Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 39:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:31Speaker 02

  I really appreciate that. I genuinely do, I think that's a beautiful sentiment.

• 39:34Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 39:34Speaker 02

  And when it comes to Grindr, obviously, it should be deleted off everyone's phones. I think it would be best case for the community if it didn't exist anymore. That being said, I am on that motherfucker. I am talking on there a lot. I am meeting guys on there pretty often.

• 39:50Speaker 01

  You know what actually just became for me was I just, I have the most fun talking to a guy for like, five days and then ghosting him.

• 39:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:59Speaker 01

  And I was like, hmm, I think, that's how I got my last two stalkers.

• 40:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:04Speaker 01

  So I was like, I should stop doing that here.

• 40:05Speaker 02

  That makes a lot of sense to me.

• 40:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:07Speaker 02

  That that would turn into stalking.

• 40:08Speaker 01

  But there was something like, kind of fun for like, the first couple of days of being stalked. And then it got like, boring and tiring.

• 40:13Speaker 02

  What were the fun parts?

• 40:15Speaker 01

  Um-

• 40:18Speaker 01

  It was kind of funny to tell people.

• 40:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, I go, I'm getting stalked.

• 40:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, something very casual to drop into a conversation. I was like, uh, he like sent me my own address. And I was, I don't know, that was like really funny, but then it was like, no, now it's a problem. Do you know what I mean?

• 40:31Speaker 02

  Of course.

• 40:31Speaker 01

  But then I saw him at the bar with a, a, a woman. And then he never stalked me again. I was like, you, how do you have time for a girlfriend and stalking?

• 40:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:40Speaker 01

  He texted me a couple of days ago too. And I was like, how are you doing? How's your girlfriend?

• 40:44Speaker 02

  You texted your stalker back?

• 40:45Speaker 01

  I didn't.

• 40:46Speaker 02

  Beautiful.

• 40:46Speaker 01

  Well, what is he gonna do?

• 40:47Speaker 02

  That's community.

• 40:48Speaker 01

  I mean, maybe he'll fly here, I don't know.

• 40:49Speaker 02

  That's found family, by the way.

• 40:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, thank you.

• 40:52Speaker 02

  That's chosen family.

• 40:53Speaker 01

  Because you know who was there for me at 3am when no one else was? My stalker.

• 40:57Speaker 02

  Yes, that's so beautiful.

• 40:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:59Speaker 02

  I obviously can't be too supportive of the whole stalking was fun thing. That it's a bad look for me personally.

• 41:04Speaker 01

  Is it?

• 41:04Speaker 02

  But I think as your point of view, I can say that it's beautiful for you.

• 41:06Speaker 01

  Sure, okay, so I can get in trouble.

• 41:08Speaker 02

  Well, no, you were the one who was stalked. I think as a cis man, it's a bad look for me to be like, yeah, stalking is funny.

• 41:13Speaker 01

  You can be trans today, just so that you can agree with me.

• 41:15Speaker 02

  I can be trans any day. I think being trans is so beautiful.

• 41:19Speaker 01

  Can we run this? I feel like I remember a point earlier in this episode where you did not feel that way.

• 41:23Speaker 02

  I've changed.

• 41:24Speaker 01

  That's really beautiful.

• 41:25Speaker 02

  I've changed via our friendship and conversation.

• 41:27Speaker 01

  You had to meet a conservative trans woman.

• 41:29Speaker 02

  That's it.

• 41:29Speaker 01

  I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

• 41:30Speaker 02

  I'm like, wait, I'm like, wait a minute. There's Republican trans people, I'm on board. I actually love this community.

• 41:37Speaker 01

  Let me call Caitlyn, she'd be really excited to meet you.

• 41:40Speaker 02

  Oh my god, that bitch, I cannot.

• 41:41Speaker 01

  That bitch.

• 41:43Speaker 02

  I cannot.

• 41:44Speaker 01

  I, I have to tell you, there is, I don't remember her name. There is someone who does, and they, she does an impression of Caitlyn. And it's so, it's about, nothing about Caitlyn is funny to me at all, but someone doing a carbon copy impression of her is the funniest thing in the world.

• 41:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:59Speaker 01

  Only when it's a trans person, though.

• 42:01Speaker 02

  Yeah. The thing about Caitlyn is, she should have, based on the amount of like, based on her whole situation, when she transitioned, who she was pre-transition, the amount of media exposure around her transition, she should have easily, even if she was like uninteresting and stupid, she should have 50 to 70 iconic viral moments. And she really only has one.

• 42:22Speaker 01

  Well.

• 42:23Speaker 02

  Which is when she's like, 9/11.

• 42:26Speaker 01

  Well, you know, a lot of people transition into a lame bitch.

• 42:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:32Speaker 01

  And met a couple of them.

• 42:34Speaker 02

  The secret was keeping things interesting.

• 42:36Speaker 01

  And it kind of, it does, because I don't like the whole line of like, we're just like everybody else. I actually do hate that. And that's where I'll go from being like conservative to being like, I'm in the terror cell. Like, I don't, I don't, I'm like, no bitch, you are, like, you are not like everyone else. And that's a good thing. I think like, we should celebrate that. But sometimes you meet a girl who's like, yeah, my name is, I don't know, Jessica, and I work in marketing and I go to bed at 9pm. And it's like, fierce, I guess. But it kind of like, because, because it's like, you're not even like, some freak on Reddit. Like, you're, you literally like worked at Macy's and then got a marketing job and that's your life.

• 43:19Speaker 01

  And I'm like, I don't know, like trans, like gay? It's like, okay.

• 43:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:24Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 43:25Speaker 02

  There are normal queer people and we have to figure out what to do with them.

• 43:31Speaker 01

  Hmm, I don't want that to be my responsibility. Again, that sounds like work.

• 43:33Speaker 02

  Hey, you don't have to do it, but someone's gonna have to do it.

• 43:35Speaker 01

  Sure, not us.

• 43:36Speaker 02

  Not me, for sure. I'm not doing anything like that.

• 43:38Speaker 01

  We're working, we're good.

• 43:39Speaker 02

  I have other things going on.

• 43:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:40Speaker 02

  I have a very successful podcast, I have an eye twitch.

• 43:43Speaker 01

  In charge, are you like in charge of the lesbian community now? Is that what's happening?

• 43:48Speaker 02

  No, certainly not. What I am is a sort of, do you know how in the Catholic Church, they have saints that they pray to?

• 43:56Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 43:57Speaker 02

  I'm something like that to the lesbians.

• 43:59Speaker 01

  Sure. Well, because I have to tell you, I never thought that I would actually be invited onto your show because I don't make indie music and I'm not a non-binary lesbian.

• 44:07Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 44:08Speaker 01

  And I kind of thought that was like the rule.

• 44:09Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 44:10Speaker 01

  Um, or that I had to have a movie coming out and none of that is happening, or that I could be all three.

• 44:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:15Speaker 01

  Um, so I was really surprised. I was like, wow, he's finally like diversifying the guest list. That's really beautiful.

• 44:21Speaker 02

  We've had a guest list that goes far beyond that for a very long time. Um, you also do have a SoundCloud.

• 44:27Speaker 01

  That's true. That's true. So I guess.

• 44:31Speaker 02

  So be very careful with me because you actually fit the stereotype more than you even know. You're a so true guest through and through. Sorry, baby. You were born for it.

• 44:38Speaker 01

  You know, and I, I have been, I have been pondering lesbianism more since I got here.

• 44:44Speaker 02

  Oh, please tell me about that.

• 44:45Speaker 01

  Well, the thing, the, the main thing is that, and I think it is because I am evil. Um, the women that I attract do what I do, but like equal to me or better. And I can't handle that. Like I can't be treated the way that I treat men.

• 44:59Speaker 02

  Absolutely.

• 45:00Speaker 01

  At all.

• 45:01Speaker 02

  Absolutely.

• 45:02Speaker 01

  And yeah, every time it's kind of just been like a nightmare. And I always end up being the one like losing and I'm like, no, it doesn't, it doesn't work that way for me.

• 45:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:11Speaker 01

  So.

• 45:11Speaker 02

  If there's gonna be a power imbalance, you need to be on top.

• 45:14Speaker 01

  Yes, I do. I do need to be in control of that. Um, and also it's like, I don't, I don't know. I think.

• 45:23Speaker 01

  I don't know. We'll see. We'll see what happens, but it does. I, I was like messing with this one girl in Texas for a while and I figured out through firsthand knowledge that her whole thing was making me jealous. Um, like in person at the club in real time.

• 45:36Speaker 02

  That is hot.

• 45:37Speaker 01

  I know.

• 45:38Speaker 02

  That is hot.

• 45:39Speaker 01

  But it's hot when I do it.

• 45:40Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 45:40Speaker 01

  Are you, do you like that kind of thing? Like little guy making you jealous?

• 45:45Speaker 02

  Uh, I don't, jealousy is not.

• 45:48Speaker 01

  You don't experience that feeling?

• 45:49Speaker 02

  I mean, I'll experience micro, but I'm not, it's not like some kind of, I don't get jealous enough for there to be any kind of psychosexual game with me about it.

• 45:57Speaker 01

  Sure. Um, when I, when we're not in the room together, it's like an object permanence thing. I don't care.

• 46:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:02Speaker 01

  But like, I feel like I have my time slot. Do you know what I mean?

• 46:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:05Speaker 01

  Like I feel like I've put my punch card in, it needs to be about me.

• 46:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:09Speaker 01

  Everything, it needs to be about me if I'm there.

• 46:11Speaker 02

  That's beautiful.

• 46:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 46:12Speaker 02

  That's completely beautiful and I support that.

• 46:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 46:14Speaker 02

  I think, I'm mostly post games. I was really interested in games at a certain point in my life. I'm mostly post games.

• 46:21Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 46:21Speaker 02

  Um, I do keep getting involved with men that have to leave the US imminently. That's one thing that's going on in my love life.

• 46:29Speaker 01

  Same reason.

• 46:29Speaker 02

  Mostly visa stuff.

• 46:31Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 46:31Speaker 02

  Uh, but I keep accidentally kind of inadvertently getting involved with men that within the next 95 to three days, somewhere in there, they have to leave the US.

• 46:45Speaker 02

  And that is hap- that's happened more than once recently and I don't know what's going on.

• 46:48Speaker 01

  And see, you need, so can I say something else?

• 46:51Speaker 02

  I wish you would.

• 46:52Speaker 01

  And it's gonna be about sex. I feel like that is the kind of thing where you figure out the stuff that you're like, something is going on in your brain where you're into that.

• 47:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:01Speaker 01

  And I would love at some point to pick apart why that's happening.

• 47:04Speaker 02

  I think that you're wrong. I am not into it. I'm actually quite sad about it because I am tired of having casual sex and I'm looking for love. I think.

• 47:15Speaker 01

  You're right.

• 47:16Speaker 02

  I'm putting, I just wanna put my "I think" on there just in case that turns out not to be true. That's what I'm feeling in this moment.

• 47:21Speaker 01

  Right, so, okay. Love that. In this moment, I feel like I really love you and I could spend the rest of my life with you. I don't know how I'll feel when I wake up in the morning. That's kind of the vibe?

• 47:29Speaker 02

  Does that make sense?

• 47:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, fully.

• 47:31Speaker 02

  It's not person-specific. I go through, I'd say moment to moment, anywhere from one to twenty-something times a day, I change my mind about what I'm looking for.

• 47:41Speaker 01

  Um, are there any contenders?

• 47:43Speaker 02

  Oh, sure. What do you think I'm giving? Can I show you my Hinge profile?

• 47:47Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 47:47Speaker 02

  And will you say what you think I'm giving?

• 47:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, I really will.

• 47:50Speaker 02

  I'm really interested.

• 47:51Speaker 01

  Can we show them too, or is that too much?

• 47:54Speaker 02

  No, it'll be just for your eyes.

• 47:56Speaker 01

  Okay, that's fine. I'll, I'll give them a full report.

• 47:58Speaker 02

  My Hinge profile is extremely public. Okay, take a look. Scroll through here and tell me what you think I'm giving.

• 48:03Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 48:05Speaker 02

  I look cute in that picture.

• 48:06Speaker 01

  You do look really cute in this picture. It is a, so it's a fully a black and white photo. This is professionally done as well?

• 48:11Speaker 02

  It's a black and white professional photo. First one on my Hinge profile. Not scared to do it, doing it.

• 48:16Speaker 01

  So, sure. The height is great. I love that you have the height on there. Spiritual other. Oh, I can't read this out loud.

• 48:23Speaker 02

  No, you can read spiritual.

• 48:27Speaker 02

  Spiritual other. Doesn't that make sense to you?

• 48:29Speaker 01

  We'll get, we'll get into that in a moment.

• 48:31Speaker 02

  Let's get into that. Yeah, you keep doing your research.

• 48:32Speaker 01

  I really like this second picture.

• 48:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, I knew that would do it for you.

• 48:35Speaker 01

  Is this, what is this? What the fuck is this machine? What is that?

• 48:40Speaker 02

  Uh, that is a bicycle.

• 48:42Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 48:46Speaker 01

  Hold on, in my defense, hold on. It has a fucking fender on it. The fucking tire is like 14 inches thick. Bitch, don't play with me. Especially, I'm a guest in your home.

• 48:59Speaker 02

  It's a fat tie. It's, no, you're right to ask. You're right to ask.

• 49:02Speaker 01

  Bitch, it looks like something a child is doing wheelies on in front of my apartment. Don't fucking play with me. That was nuts. This is gonna be the episode where Caleb gets shot and it's the final episode. Okay, this one is cute. Mirror selfie, love the sweater. You, this is the gayest picture of you I've ever seen. This is the gayest I've ever seen you look, actually.

• 49:21Speaker 02

  Thank you, I wanna get some of that in there.

• 49:23Speaker 01

  This is actually the first time I've seen you look gay.

• 49:26Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 49:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, you are, now, the Ugg slippies, I'm really appreciating that you did that today.

• 49:31Speaker 02

  Yeah, these are my studio slippers. I wear these on every episode, actually.

• 49:34Speaker 01

  Do you, have you ever said about yourself that hiking is one of your hobbies?

• 49:38Speaker 02

  No.

• 49:39Speaker 01

  Okay, cuz you do have a, you have a picture of you. Thank you for not mentioning it, though, cuz I hate when people do that. But you do have a picture of you just in a river here.

• 49:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 49:46Speaker 01

  Which is, I don't know what's happening with this last photo.

• 49:49Speaker 02

  My legs look great there.

• 49:50Speaker 01

  Your legs look great, this one, though.

• 49:51Speaker 02

  Oh, that one, I'm stoned out of my mind and I wanna kind of give off like sometimes I get stoned.

• 49:56Speaker 01

  Sure, okay.

• 49:58Speaker 02

  I look cute in that picture. You don't think I look cute in that picture?

• 50:01Speaker 01

  I don't like this picture, I want you to take it off.

• 50:02Speaker 02

  Are you sure?

• 50:03Speaker 01

  If you could actually do it here, yeah, that'd be good.

• 50:04Speaker 02

  That's really good to know. What don't you like about it? Maybe that I'm too stoned?

• 50:09Speaker 01

  Well, it's kind of like we're in a very goonery era and it's kind of giving more goon face.

• 50:13Speaker 02

  It looks like I'm going.

• 50:14Speaker 01

  It, it looks like you're practicing. Like, just the face in the mirror.

• 50:18Speaker 02

  I've never gooned, in fact, I don't know how to.

• 50:20Speaker 01

  That's fine, we can actually skip right past that.

• 50:23Speaker 02

  Collections. I will change that picture out.

• 50:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:26Speaker 02

  But I think I look really cute in it.

• 50:27Speaker 01

  Do like the, do like the stoner girl thing where it's just like a close up of your eyes really red and it's like kind of artsy.

• 50:34Speaker 02

  But would you flirt with him?

• 50:35Speaker 01

  Yes, I would, for the picture of you looking really gay, cuz I like men who are kind of gay.

• 50:39Speaker 02

  Really?

• 50:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:40Speaker 02

  That's interesting. I do, I did wanna get at least one in there where I look gay.

• 50:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:45Speaker 02

  Because too many of my pictures are me, not that I think I'm straight passing, but too many of my pictures are me like, looking like Kevin James from King of Queens.

• 50:52Speaker 01

  Sure, sure, sure, sure. I will say, I think maybe my lens is a little bit skewed on this. I feel like if I didn't know who you were and you weren't famous, I would make jokes behind your back about you possibly being gay, but I would believe you about being straight.

• 51:04Speaker 02

  That's really sweet, thank you.

• 51:05Speaker 01

  But I also think-

• 51:07Speaker 02

  I view gayness as a failure and straightness as an accomplishment.

• 51:09Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 51:10Speaker 02

  Kidding, that was a joke.

• 51:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know. Especially, especially since I've really started watching pool being played more publicly. I kind of feel the opposite in a very true way.

• 51:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, pool is really something that's happening, and guess what I'm playing as well?

• 51:22Speaker 01

  You're playing pool?

• 51:23Speaker 02

  I'm at the billiards hall.

• 51:25Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 51:25Speaker 02

  I'm playing pool, and I've been, by the way, I've been there for years.

• 51:28Speaker 01

  Are you good at it?

• 51:29Speaker 02

  I've been, no. That's what makes it more embarrassing. I've been playing pool a lot longer than these Brooklyn-

• 51:34Speaker 01

  Fakers.

• 51:34Speaker 02

  -fakers, and they're better at it than I am, and that makes me sick.

• 51:37Speaker 01

  So that's, and that's what I want to say about it, is that I was in, and I also hate this bar, and I don't remember the name of it, I would, I want everyone to know that I would say the name if I knew the name, and I'm actually trying to think of it right now.

• 51:48Speaker 02

  Where was it?

• 51:49Speaker 01

  Bartender, Bushwick.

• 51:50Speaker 02

  Of course.

• 51:51Speaker 01

  Bartender, total bitch.

• 51:54Speaker 01

  On purpose, because her and I were cool, and she complimented me, and then she started being mean to me. And it was really crowded in there, and they're like asking me to move, because they're playing pool and they're trying to do the shot, and I was like, so, so, like, it's just a lot for me. It's like, I want to stand here, you want to play like a game for old men.

• 52:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:14Speaker 01

  And it's fine, and if you want to pretend to be an old man, that's okay.

• 52:16Speaker 02

  I'm not pretending to be an old man, I have been hanging out with lesbians for a very long time, and lesbians are very involved in the pool community.

• 52:22Speaker 01

  No, lesbians, all lesbians want to be old men.

• 52:25Speaker 02

  They're good and they're serious. I, I play, I started playing pool with lesbians, I thought we were all just having a good time.

• 52:29Speaker 01

  No, well, that's the problem.

• 52:30Speaker 02

  They're mad.

• 52:31Speaker 01

  Is it gets really, really serious.

• 52:33Speaker 02

  They're playing, they're playing as a couple, they're trading off shots, the femme one's not making the shot, the masked one's like fucking punching the air.

• 52:38Speaker 01

  I know.

• 52:38Speaker 02

  It's scary.

• 52:39Speaker 01

  It's a lot.

• 52:40Speaker 02

  It's really scary.

• 52:41Speaker 01

  It's a lot.

• 52:41Speaker 02

  I don't like to see them like that.

• 52:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't know, I just, I don't, I don't want to do the, the dive bar thing, it's not for me.

• 52:49Speaker 02

  It's my only thing.

• 52:50Speaker 01

  Is it really?

• 52:51Speaker 02

  I love a dive bar.

• 52:51Speaker 01

  What is it, is it the cheap, what is it? What do you like about that?

• 52:54Speaker 02

  Oh, I don't even really drink, I'm having diet cokes at the dive bar.

• 52:56Speaker 01

  Sure, oh, I love a diet coke. I'm actually gonna put two in my purse.

• 52:59Speaker 02

  Hello?

• 53:00Speaker 01

  When I leave this place.

• 53:01Speaker 02

  Let's do one, we're kinda-

• 53:03Speaker 01

  We'll do two.

• 53:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:04Speaker 01

  Yeah. Thank you.

• 53:06Speaker 02

  Could you imagine I limit your diet cokes? You can clean that fridge out if you want to.

• 53:09Speaker 01

  Well, however much I can fit in my purse.

• 53:11Speaker 02

  There's Ollie Pops in there, there's beef jerky, there's all kinds of good stuff over there. Take whatever you need.

• 53:16Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 53:16Speaker 02

  Dive bars for me, it's that the music is more my speed, they're playing like Wilco.

• 53:21Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 53:21Speaker 02

  Uh, it's the people are more my speed, it's like quiet, older people. I'm just enjoying that.

• 53:27Speaker 01

  You're at like a real dive bar.

• 53:28Speaker 02

  I'm at a real dive bar.

• 53:29Speaker 01

  Okay, so that's beautiful and not something different to me.

• 53:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:32Speaker 01

  That's beautiful and I like that a lot. There was this really shitty place, I used to love to go on dates back home. Um, it was called The Groggy Dog and it was like the grossest bar that I've ever seen in my life. It had that like, um, you know that there's like the peel off fake linoleum for counters? And then there's like the wall version that feels like reptile skin?

• 53:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:51Speaker 01

  It was like all made of that. It kind of felt like a big food truck in there.

• 53:55Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 53:55Speaker 01

  It was beautiful. Like it was not like cutesy wood paneling and Christmas lights, it was like a shithole.

• 54:01Speaker 02

  No, it sucked.

• 54:02Speaker 01

  I liked that a lot, yeah, disgusting drink, like you would only get shots or beer.

• 54:05Speaker 02

  My favorite dive bar in Kansas City has since closed, rest in power. But it was the kind of dive bar where it was so disgusting, it was totally a hazard. It was like a, every, every moment you were at risk of the building falling down on top of you. And they had a, uh, house phone behind the bar that people would call and the bartender would go, "Yeah, he's here," and then hand it to one of the patrons. And then the guy would be like, "I, I don't know, maybe like two hours." "I don't know, I don't know, I'm fucking having fun, I don't know." Like a 70 year old man arguing with probably his wife.

• 54:35Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 54:35Speaker 02

  And then hang back up, it had a long cord on it, like from the 90s.

• 54:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:38Speaker 02

  Hang back up the house phone and go back to drinking with his friends.

• 54:40Speaker 01

  I really think that's beautiful.

• 54:42Speaker 02

  I think that's so gorgeous.

• 54:44Speaker 01

  And you know, and you know what I think the thing, and I do, I will say, I think I've been like unfair to lesbians about acting like old men. I do think lesbians should do whatever they want because I do think lesbians are not given the nightlife scene that I think the rest of us are. So I'm fine with them cosplaying old men, but for straight people.

• 55:03Speaker 02

  They're not given the nightlife scene that everyone else is given because they're not going out at night.

• 55:08Speaker 01

  I know, but like, God, when they do want it, their clubs are so shitty, so bad.

• 55:12Speaker 02

  I didn't even know there were lesbian clubs.

• 55:14Speaker 01

  There are, there are, well, there were in Dallas.

• 55:16Speaker 02

  I thought it was all just karaoke bars.

• 55:17Speaker 01

  And it was, I mean, I think it, well, they had a karaoke, karaoke bar upstairs. They did. They did. There was like, I mean, there was a really fierce dance floor and like the biggest bar in the neighborhood downstairs. But then they were like, we know you need karaoke.

• 55:30Speaker 02

  Look.

• 55:31Speaker 01

  But they also had a popcorn machine.

• 55:33Speaker 02

  Hey.

• 55:34Speaker 01

  In the club.

• 55:34Speaker 02

  And I'm going to lesbian bars. If I'm in Nashville, you'll catch me at the Lipstick Lounge.

• 55:38Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 55:38Speaker 02

  It is just karaoke and the patio is kind of really where things are going off.

• 55:42Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 55:42Speaker 02

  But yeah.

• 55:43Speaker 01

  But that's also like, the patio is an important space. But I do, what I wanted to say, I don't, I do think straight people need to be like, um, working and they, or they need to be like, actually like dancing. I don't like them relaxing at a bar in that kind of space. I don't think, you haven't done enough to relax.

• 56:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:01Speaker 01

  I, I had to flee my home state. You need to be working.

• 56:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:05Speaker 01

  And you need to be giving me the money.

• 56:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:07Speaker 01

  I don't like seeing them sit. But old people, I really like old people.

• 56:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:13Speaker 01

  I'm very good with old people.

• 56:14Speaker 02

  I fully understand and believe that.

• 56:16Speaker 01

  Yeah. You like old people?

• 56:17Speaker 02

  I love old people.

• 56:18Speaker 01

  You so have that vibe.

• 56:19Speaker 02

  They love me.

• 56:20Speaker 01

  You do.

• 56:20Speaker 02

  We understand each other.

• 56:21Speaker 01

  Yeah. I think it's something, I think it's something southern, but I think it's also something more than that.

• 56:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:26Speaker 01

  It's like a genetic thing. I also worked in an antique store for, that's the one I gave my boss cancer.

• 56:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:31Speaker 01

  And everybody is old.

• 56:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:33Speaker 01

  Everyone who sells antiques is old and insane. And that's kind of like my flavor.

• 56:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, I could see you doing really well with old people. My grandma would love you.

• 56:42Speaker 01

  I'm excited. My, you know, my ex's grandmother fully grew up in Oklahoma, no running water, no electricity. Post breakup still defended me.

• 56:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:51Speaker 01

  Like, and she did not like trans people.

• 56:53Speaker 02

  Cause she knows who's real though. She understands. She understands who's real.

• 56:56Speaker 01

  Right.

• 56:56Speaker 02

  You should come to Thanksgiving at my house.

• 56:58Speaker 01

  Should I?

• 56:58Speaker 02

  You really should. In Kansas City. My family would love to hang out with you.

• 57:01Speaker 01

  Okay. All right. What should I bring to the, is it a potluck situation or are y'all like, we're cooking?

• 57:06Speaker 02

  You can bring something if you want to, but the girls, the ladies have got it under control.

• 57:08Speaker 01

  Sure. Cause I know it really depends whose household you go to.

• 57:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 57:12Speaker 01

  I will tell you, and I, I want to say this. I want to say this, and I love you, if you see this, I love you so much. My best friend in the world, his signature dish, this is what he contributes to family Thanksgiving, cause I've come to his family Thanksgiving. He cook, he cooks sliced up apples in red hots and puts it in a bowl and puts it on the table.

• 57:37Speaker 02

  Okay, that's can be probably beautiful, I'm sure.

• 57:40Speaker 01

  It tastes like it. Well, actually, I'm gonna leave it. I'm gonna leave it.

• 57:44Speaker 02

  I'm just gonna let it sit in the space for a second.

• 57:45Speaker 01

  Can you bleep his name? Bleep his name?

• 57:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, we'll bleep his name.

• 57:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:48Speaker 02

  We'll protect his anonymity.

• 57:48Speaker 01

  He's gonna get mad at me for that.

• 57:49Speaker 02

  It's gonna be like, we're gonna do your voice like that.

• 57:51Speaker 01

  He's like fully a professional chef, too.

• 57:53Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 57:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, so I don't know what's going on. He's like a really, really good cook, but he's like, these are my apples for Thanksgiving. There's still a bag of those in my old apartment in the fridge. I left them for the landlord.

• 58:02Speaker 02

  Uh huh, that's really crazy.

• 58:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:04Speaker 02

  You can make something if you want to.

• 58:06Speaker 01

  I'll make that.

• 58:06Speaker 02

  But we'd be happy to just make anything else, anything else you want.

• 58:10Speaker 01

  Sure, sure, sure.

• 58:10Speaker 02

  No, you can make that. People would love it. My grandma, my grandma Debbie makes some wild shit. She makes some like midwestern ass like.

• 58:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, is it like Great Depression cooking?

• 58:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's like, it's like Jell-O, whipped cream, carrots, like weird fucking like salads, midwestern salads.

• 58:27Speaker 01

  You know, um, when it, when it gets.

• 58:31Speaker 02

  Love it.

• 58:32Speaker 01

  I like, I, so I get really into ambrosia.

• 58:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:35Speaker 01

  And then like the classics, egg salad, potato salad, pea salad, whatever, but there's some shit in the Midwest that gets me a little. When we get into like bologna and mayonnaise territory, I go, hmm.

• 58:45Speaker 02

  That's not my family, but yes, that's part of the culture.

• 58:47Speaker 01

  Sure, it happens. But I also like, I do respect it. And I don't like people talking shit about it. Cause I'm like, I don't know, girl. I think it's beautiful that we're just putting slop in a bowl.

• 58:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think it is beautiful. Mayonnaise and bologna can be so powerful.

• 59:02Speaker 01

  I do think so.

• 59:03Speaker 02

  For somebody.

• 59:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:04Speaker 02

  I did love bologna as a kid.

• 59:06Speaker 01

  I liked, um, when you like fry the bologna and put it in the sandwich.

• 59:09Speaker 02

  Fry bologna with mustard, ooh.

• 59:10Speaker 01

  Bitch, absolutely.

• 59:12Speaker 02

  Come on.

• 59:13Speaker 01

  Absolutely. But now like, girl, low-key spam is expensive now. I don't buy it anymore.

• 59:17Speaker 02

  I know, it's fucked up.

• 59:17Speaker 01

  Five bucks for a can.

• 59:18Speaker 02

  Crazy.

• 59:19Speaker 01

  And it's like, like pig eyeballs.

• 59:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 59:22Speaker 01

  And I'm fine with that.

• 59:23Speaker 02

  I'm fine with that, but it needs to be cheap.

• 59:24Speaker 01

  And I like, I can't, I don't give a fuck. I don't care what I'm eating. Do you know what I mean? I feel like I'm like, we all already have the plastic in our balls.

• 59:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 59:31Speaker 01

  So like, why would I stop now?

• 59:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, I've got plastics.

• 59:33Speaker 01

  For sure.

• 59:34Speaker 02

  I'm, I'm mac, I'm macroplastics at this point.

• 59:37Speaker 01

  I'm trying to get more plastic.

• 59:38Speaker 02

  I want more plastics.

• 59:39Speaker 01

  I'm trying to like get as much plastic as possible.

• 59:42Speaker 02

  If possible, I'd like to get more plastic, yeah.

• 59:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, I've already kind of decided that like I'm not interested in quitting nicotine. I like the microplastics. I like the carcinogens. I like all of it. I want it. I like living in a polluted city. I think it's beautiful for me.

• 59:55Speaker 02

  It's completely beautiful.

• 59:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:56Speaker 02

  Okay, what's so true to you?

• 59:58Speaker 01

  So, we've been talking about this the entire episode. I think men specifically have become, I've really been suing on this. Men are too sexually liberated.

• 1:00:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:00:08Speaker 01

  And I think, and this is all men. I think you need to, I was kind of trying to hash out solutions for this with a friend this morning. And we have decided that it kind of needs to be like a training program, like driver's ed.

• 1:00:22Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:00:22Speaker 01

  And then you need to pass a test. And I think you do need to reapply every few years, as if you're a senior citizen. Or getting your prescription updated.

• 1:00:30Speaker 02

  To be fucking?

• 1:00:31Speaker 01

  To be fucking, as a man.

• 1:00:32Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:00:34Speaker 01

  Because it's just, it's a lot for me. The behavior is a lot for me. I don't, I think something happened in the 2010s where women said, hey, sex kind of hasn't been fun for us for the past, the whole time. You know what I mean? Like, how long have we been here? About all that time, sex has literally never been fun for women. And then in the 2010s, young women were like, what if I came? What if we started coming? And for some reason, I think a lot of men thought that that was about them. And I feel like gay men, for as like egregious as the behavior becomes, they at least agree with each other. And I feel like often that system is mutual. I don't think men who are into women have gotten there.

• 1:01:19Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:01:20Speaker 01

  And I think sex actually needs to become drastically less accessible and less fun and less okay for them.

• 1:01:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:26Speaker 01

  And it needs to be just about the women. And maybe it needs to just be about, let's masturbate and not do it anymore for a while.

• 1:01:33Speaker 02

  Everybody?

• 1:01:34Speaker 01

  Um, women. You know what I mean?

• 1:01:37Speaker 02

  Women masturbate for a while and don't fuck anybody.

• 1:01:38Speaker 01

  Don't fuck men. Do lesbian sex. Maybe we just all need to do more lesbian shit.

• 1:01:42Speaker 02

  Flying by me.

• 1:01:43Speaker 01

  But, I don't know, whatever it is, whatever the solution is, maybe we get a fine involved. I don't usually support law enforcement, but I think some kind of system where we're policing the way that straight men have sex.

• 1:01:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:57Speaker 01

  And making rules and legislation to make it harder.

• 1:02:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:00Speaker 01

  I think that would be really important right now.

• 1:02:02Speaker 02

  I think I can get behind that.

• 1:02:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:04Speaker 02

  I don't really care.

• 1:02:05Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:02:05Speaker 02

  What, I don't care what straight men are doing. I don't care what straight women are doing. I think that is their whole problem that they've created.

• 1:02:12Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 1:02:13Speaker 02

  I invite everyone to be gay.

• 1:02:14Speaker 01

  I care what everyone is doing.

• 1:02:16Speaker 02

  I know.

• 1:02:16Speaker 01

  I really enjoy other people's business.

• 1:02:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:20Speaker 01

  I mean, I do have to deal with straight men, so this problem does involve me.

• 1:02:22Speaker 02

  I know.

• 1:02:23Speaker 01

  And you should consider that a concern.

• 1:02:25Speaker 02

  I feel for you. I don't want to be involved. I don't want you to be involved. I want you to be a lesbian.

• 1:02:30Speaker 01

  I think I'm kind of like fake about it. I think I'm like a fake bisexual. But because I'm a trans woman, I don't feel guilty about saying that.

• 1:02:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:39Speaker 01

  Because you can't, you can't take my card away.

• 1:02:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:40Speaker 01

  You know what I mean?

• 1:02:41Speaker 02

  I won't be speaking on it at all.

• 1:02:42Speaker 01

  You won't.

• 1:02:43Speaker 02

  But I would love to see you do lesbianism.

• 1:02:45Speaker 01

  We'll see.

• 1:02:45Speaker 02

  That's what I can offer.

• 1:02:46Speaker 01

  We'll see.

• 1:02:46Speaker 02

  I just want you to know that when I think about you, I see lesbian very passionately.

• 1:02:51Speaker 01

  I think a lot of lesbians do. I will say that.

• 1:02:53Speaker 02

  Of course.

• 1:02:54Speaker 01

  My most violently sexually aggressive comments are lesbian, which in my mind, I'm like, that's okay.

• 1:03:01Speaker 02

  Of course.

• 1:03:02Speaker 01

  That's fine.

• 1:03:02Speaker 02

  That's not harassment. That's sisterhood.

• 1:03:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, it is. And it's, what's fucked up is that I like agree with you, and I think that's actually misogynist of me to actually feel that way. But.

• 1:03:13Speaker 02

  But I won't be inspecting.

• 1:03:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, there are things that women will say to me that I'm like, I would have you arrested if you were a man, but you're not.

• 1:03:21Speaker 02

  Things are just different. We need to, people do this all the time, especially on the internet where they're like, "Oh, if I was someone else and I was doing this, it would be X." And it's like, well, you're not, so we will never know.

• 1:03:30Speaker 01

  We'll never know.

• 1:03:31Speaker 02

  We will never know and how I would feel about that.

• 1:03:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, and also I don't, I don't like hypotheticals at all. I don't appreciate it.

• 1:03:37Speaker 02

  I don't want to play fake games with you.

• 1:03:38Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:03:39Speaker 02

  You're not that person, so I don't know.

• 1:03:40Speaker 01

  You're not that girl.

• 1:03:41Speaker 02

  Yeah. I feel that way a lot of times when people are like, "Oh, if I was famous, I would, you know, X, Y, Z, I'd be acting like this." It's like, we'll never know.

• 1:03:48Speaker 01

  We'll literally never know.

• 1:03:49Speaker 02

  We just don't know. I don't know.

• 1:03:51Speaker 01

  What's that one Dochi song? Yeah, I guess you'll never know. Yeah. No, girl.

• 1:03:55Speaker 02

  I guess you'll never know.

• 1:03:56Speaker 01

  No, bitch.

• 1:03:56Speaker 02

  I mean, the fucking unfortunately iconic Kanye quote, where he's like, "People want to know what happened if I didn't win. I guess we'll never know."

• 1:04:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:03Speaker 02

  Unfortunately, that's going to go ahead and be an all-time banger.

• 1:04:08Speaker 01

  It is. You know what? And I'm agreeing with you. Honestly, didn't even grow up listening to Kanye, so actually I'm just going to let you die on that hill.

• 1:04:14Speaker 02

  I really did. I mean, look, some of our most iconic people of all time are out of their fucking minds.

• 1:04:19Speaker 01

  You know, I will say MIA was a really hard one for me.

• 1:04:22Speaker 02

  Hello?

• 1:04:23Speaker 01

  And nobody, I feel like a lot of people don't even like her like that, but I was like, so I liked how insane she was in a fun way.

• 1:04:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:04:32Speaker 01

  And then, I don't know what, I do, I wonder what it is about fucking a billionaire that makes you scared of 5G.

• 1:04:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:04:39Speaker 01

  And that, because it's like happened twice now.

• 1:04:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:04:43Speaker 01

  And that, I'm like, maybe that's something we should consider.

• 1:04:46Speaker 02

  Let's look into that.

• 1:04:47Speaker 01

  Do you know what I mean? Because I'm like, you would know. You fucked the billionaire.

• 1:04:50Speaker 02

  Right. You were in, you were at the locus of where everything happens.

• 1:04:53Speaker 01

  And, and it makes me think, you know, I have a grandmother who hangs rocks that look like poop in all her windows because she's afraid of 5G and she thinks that they absorb the 5G. And she drinks, I'm, I'm not kidding you about any of this, by the way. She drinks like powdered algae because she thinks it like protects her body from 5G. You have to wear scrubs when you go to her house. And I like, sometimes I sit there and I think like, maybe, maybe she is, right? At least about the rocks.

• 1:05:16Speaker 02

  When I think of.

• 1:05:17Speaker 01

  You know?

• 1:05:18Speaker 02

  At least about the rocks. Give her the rocks minimum.

• 1:05:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:05:20Speaker 02

  When I think about people like that, my only thought really is like, to what end? Like, you're like, okay, I'm gonna be, me and the 12 other people doing this are gonna live longer because of this? I go, okay, so then what would still be the point, though?

• 1:05:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, I, can I say that I kind of think it's just for fun? Like, I kind of think it's just like an attention thing. I think it's an attention thing. I think everything is an attention thing. I think, like, really fiercely believing in God for a lot of people, I like, I think you believe in God, but I think a lot of this is for attention. I think a lot of the times, I went to a mega church where they were speaking in tongues.

• 1:05:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:05:55Speaker 01

  I was like, sister, the, the, the spirit of Christ is not in this building. You are having fun right now. And you're gonna be a fierce theater major when you're 20. Do you know what I mean?

• 1:06:06Speaker 02

  You are having fun right now is so insulting. I'm obsessed.

• 1:06:10Speaker 01

  And they're like crying.

• 1:06:11Speaker 02

  You're just like, having a key, please.

• 1:06:13Speaker 01

  Well, here's, I, like, we're literally in a building that looks like an AMC theater.

• 1:06:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:06:18Speaker 01

  Like, they fully have like a sound booth for the drum guy. I'm like, Jesus isn't here. There, Jesus would never genuinely ever show up in a church with a coffee shop. So, I don't, I, like, you're not speaking in tongues here. Do you know what I mean?

• 1:06:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:06:33Speaker 01

  And it was like surrounded by water. I'm like, Jesus is a ghost, he can't get past that. So, I don't.

• 1:06:39Speaker 02

  So, get real.

• 1:06:40Speaker 01

  So, get real.

• 1:06:41Speaker 02

  That is so fucking funny.

• 1:06:42Speaker 01

  Do you not agree?

• 1:06:43Speaker 02

  Oh, no, I'm big on Jesus and all that. And speaking in tongues, I find it very, very sincere.

• 1:06:49Speaker 01

  Really?

• 1:06:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm big Jesus guy.

• 1:06:51Speaker 01

  You think white people in an AMC fucking theater church are really, I believe in it. When it's, when it's, like, I passed by a tent revival at one point when I was getting my dog fixed. Them, I believe.

• 1:07:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:04Speaker 01

  And I don't even know if that's Jesus. I think that's something else in there because they're holding snakes and shit.

• 1:07:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:09Speaker 01

  I was like, y'all are doing witchcraft.

• 1:07:11Speaker 02

  I've been to ten revivals.

• 1:07:12Speaker 01

  How was that?

• 1:07:13Speaker 02

  Really crazy, even as a kid. I mean, like, all jokes aside, even as a kid, I was like, this is some fucked up shit.

• 1:07:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:18Speaker 02

  I was like, I gotta get the fuck out of here.

• 1:07:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know. That, I think, is something else.

• 1:07:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:23Speaker 01

  And I do think it's real. Or, like, I will tell you actually one thing. If I find out that someone that I'm dating has, like, women that have, like, a gift or something in his family, I won't do it. I will not touch that. I will not date you. I'm not kidding. It freaks me the fuck out.

• 1:07:39Speaker 02

  If he has gifted women in his family?

• 1:07:41Speaker 01

  Like, like psychic or something.

• 1:07:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:43Speaker 01

  I won't do it.

• 1:07:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:44Speaker 01

  Because I'm like, I'm gonna dog you out, and she's gonna find out, she's gonna curse me.

• 1:07:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:47Speaker 01

  I won't do it. I won't mess with that.

• 1:07:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:07:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:50Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:07:50Speaker 01

  I'm dead serious.

• 1:07:51Speaker 02

  My Aunt Gina's a little psychic.

• 1:07:53Speaker 01

  Okay, well, we'll never date.

• 1:07:54Speaker 02

  So just be careful with me.

• 1:07:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, well.

• 1:07:56Speaker 02

  Even platonically, be careful with me.

• 1:07:57Speaker 01

  Okay, well.

• 1:07:58Speaker 02

  As like a friend.

• 1:07:59Speaker 01

  I feel like Gina will like me.

• 1:08:00Speaker 02

  She will, actually.

• 1:08:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:08:01Speaker 02

  You guys are really on.

• 1:08:02Speaker 01

  I don't dog friends out. I dog lovers out, so.

• 1:08:04Speaker 02

  That's beautiful, actually. Do you wanna play a game?

• 1:08:06Speaker 01

  I do.

• 1:08:06Speaker 02

  Nice. I'm gonna read you fifteen statements. You're gonna tell me as quickly as you can.

• 1:08:10Speaker 01

  Fuck, I'll fucking forget you do this.

• 1:08:10Speaker 02

  I know. Isn't it a nightmare? You're gonna tell me as quickly as you can, uh, if you think what I just said is true or false, and if you get ten or more correct, okay, we're gonna give you fifty US dollars.

• 1:08:18Speaker 01

  Are you ready?

• 1:08:19Speaker 02

  Whoa. Jupiter is the fifth planet from the sun.

• 1:08:22Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 1:08:22Speaker 02

  True. The Courage, the Cowardly Dog aired on Nickelodeon.

• 1:08:26Speaker 01

  False.

• 1:08:26Speaker 02

  False Cartoon Network. Folgers Coffee was founded in Canada.

• 1:08:30Speaker 01

  False.

• 1:08:31Speaker 02

  False, United States. All Eminem colors are the same flavor.

• 1:08:34Speaker 01

  True.

• 1:08:34Speaker 02

  True. The Dallas Mavericks have never won an NBA championship.

• 1:08:38Speaker 01

  True?

• 1:08:38Speaker 02

  False.

• 1:08:39Speaker 01

  Fuck.

• 1:08:39Speaker 02

  They've won one. Lightning is hotter than the surface of the sun.

• 1:08:42Speaker 01

  True.

• 1:08:43Speaker 02

  True. The Olympics originated in Rome.

• 1:08:45Speaker 01

  True.

• 1:08:45Speaker 02

  False, Greece.

• 1:08:46Speaker 01

  Fuck me.

• 1:08:47Speaker 02

  The first text message ever said, "Happy birthday."

• 1:08:50Speaker 01

  False.

• 1:08:51Speaker 02

  False, "Merry Christmas." An obtuse angle is less than ninety degrees.

• 1:08:55Speaker 01

  Um, false.

• 1:08:56Speaker 02

  False, it's greater than. There have been nine Texas Chainsaw Massacre movies.

• 1:09:01Speaker 01

  False.

• 1:09:01Speaker 02

  True.

• 1:09:02Speaker 01

  Fuck.

• 1:09:02Speaker 02

  Betty White was five foot four.

• 1:09:04Speaker 01

  True.

• 1:09:04Speaker 02

  True. Thomas Jefferson is still on the two-dollar bill.

• 1:09:09Speaker 01

  False?

• 1:09:10Speaker 02

  True.

• 1:09:10Speaker 01

  Fuck.

• 1:09:11Speaker 02

  There are more Krispy Kremes than Dunkin's in the US.

• 1:09:13Speaker 01

  False.

• 1:09:14Speaker 02

  False. Africa is the second largest continent.

• 1:09:18Speaker 01

  Hmm, true.

• 1:09:20Speaker 02

  True. The Church Night Club in Dallas, Texas is closed on Wednesdays.

• 1:09:25Speaker 01

  False. What? Is that a trick question?

• 1:09:28Speaker 02

  It's true.

• 1:09:28Speaker 01

  What the hell? What do you mean, "closed on Wednesdays"?

• 1:09:31Speaker 02

  The Church Night Club in Dallas, Texas is closed on Wednesdays.

• 1:09:34Speaker 01

  Oh, I guess it is. Yeah.

• 1:09:35Speaker 02

  (laughing)

• 1:09:38Speaker 01

  It wasn't a trick, it was a true fact.

• 1:09:39Speaker 02

  You restated it, yeah. How'd you do?

• 1:09:41Speaker 01

  Can you do it in a sentence?

• 1:09:41Speaker 03

  Uh, uh, uh, eleven.

• 1:09:43Speaker 02

  Yeah. We'll get it to you.

• 1:09:46Speaker 01

  Oh, fierce. I'm not getting that money, y'all.

• 1:09:47Speaker 02

  We'll get it to you.

• 1:09:49Speaker 01

  Okay, love.

• 1:09:49Speaker 02

  We'll get it to you, don't worry about it.

• 1:09:50Speaker 01

  Wait, how many people win?

• 1:09:52Speaker 02

  Oh, I think you're like the second or third. No, I'm kidding, there've been a lot.

• 1:09:56Speaker 01

  I was gonna say, don't fuck with me.

• 1:09:57Speaker 02

  Someone should run the numbers on that. Can one of our fans go through and run the numbers on who's won?

• 1:10:01Speaker 03

  There is someone, uh, in the Reddit comments that I read, uh, Caleb doesn't, that has a, like, a database of every question I've ever written, and they, they are like, "This person is the fourth person to be asked this one. The previous ones were these people, and they got these ones wrong."

• 1:10:17Speaker 01

  That's the person who's gonna shoot you.

• 1:10:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's the one that's gonna kill me. That's actually the only thing I've ever heard about Reddit that was cool.

• 1:10:24Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 1:10:24Speaker 02

  That's the first cool thing I've ever heard about Reddit.

• 1:10:26Speaker 01

  Sure, the rest is...

• 1:10:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, everyone, everyone on Reddit except for that person can (bleep) my dick and die.

• 1:10:31Speaker 01

  (laughing) You know what, though? You should check out r slash sheet metal when you get a chance.

• 1:10:39Speaker 02

  What's going on over there?

• 1:10:40Speaker 01

  You'll find out.

• 1:10:40Speaker 02

  Okay, hell yeah. You want me to log in?

• 1:10:43Speaker 01

  I do.

• 1:10:43Speaker 02

  I'll log into r slash sheet metal.

• 1:10:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:45Speaker 02

  Let's fucking go.

• 1:10:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:10:46Speaker 02

  Uh, this was a great episode, okay? Do you wanna tell people where they can find you?

• 1:10:49Speaker 01

  You, bitch, literally everywhere. You can find me on Substack, you can find me on TikTok, Instagram, SoundCloud, which I forgot about, crazy. Um, and hopefully, um, on camera soon, so, yeah, you'll see me.