Pod Insights So True with Caleb Hearon David Gborie Loves a Party About this episode Welcome! This week’s guest is the hilarious David Gborie! David and Caleb talk hairless cats, Denver, an encounter with a man holding a falcon, the Taylor Swift effect on football, bandanas, and much more!
Join our Substack for an exclusive post-episode chat with David and other bonus content! https://calebsaysthings.substack.com/
Follow David! @coolguyjokes87
Follow the show! @sooootruepod
Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings
Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloud
Go to https://www. Zocdoc.com/SOTRUE to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. #sponsored
Grab an Angry Orchard Cider today. Don’t Get Angry. Get Orchard. Please Drink Responsibly.
Get up to 55% off at babbel.com/SOTRUE
About Headgum:
Headgum is an LA & NY-based podcast network creating premium podcasts with the funniest, most engaging voices in comedy to achieve one goal: Making our audience and ourselves laugh. Listen to our shows at https://www.headgum.com.
» SUBSCRIBE to Headgum: https://www.youtube.com/c/HeadGum?sub_confirmation=1
» FOLLOW us on Twitter: http://twitter.com/headgum
» FOLLOW us on Instagram: https://instagram.com/headgum/
» FOLLOW us on TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@headgum
So True is a Headgum podcast, created and hosted by Caleb Hearon. The show is produced by Chance Nichols with Associate Producer Allie Kahan and Executive Producer Emma Foley. So True is engineered by Casey Donahue and engineered and edited by Nicole Lyons. Kaiti Moos is our VP of Content at Headgum. Thanks to Luke Rogers for our show art and Virginia Muller our social media manager.
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript 16,005 words · 7 speakers
0:02 Speaker 00 At Peloton, sometimes thinking big means thinking small. Introducing the new Peloton TreadFlex. Our first foldable and movable tread that's just about three feet stowed, so you can roll it away. With an ultra-quiet and comfortable belt that whispers while you run. Made to fit however you move, and fit to move wherever you like. Let yourself run. Peloton. Explore Peloton TreadFlex at onepeloton.com.
0:31 Speaker 01 Let's be honest, you don't go to the holiday gift exchange just to participate. You go to win. This year, cause a stir. Gift a KitchenAid stand mixer to whip up new traditions. 'Tis your season to mix it up.
0:45 Speaker 02 Cheers to fall savings at Whole Foods Market, home of higher ingredient standards. This Halloween, share chocolates and candies made without that spooky high-fructose corn syrup. Throwing a party? Make it easy with a berry chantilly cake. Ready to cook pizza? No antibiotics ever chicken wings. And sushi made fresh daily. Fall gatherings never tasted better. Save through November 3rd at Whole Foods Market.
1:14 Speaker 03 This is a HeadGum Podcast. I was so scared, David. I was like literally on my grandma's computer on MySpace in Iowa. Like, everyone's outside playing and I would sneak in and... I had a fake MySpace, I had like a secret MySpace account.
1:25 Speaker 04 You had a secret gay MySpace?
1:27 Speaker 03 Yes, yes. And I'd be like, I'd be like, "I am 13, I live in Missouri, I'm gay, what do I do?"
1:33 Speaker 04 That's literally their biggest fear.
1:34 Speaker 03 Do it, truly.
1:36 Speaker 04 Like, when MySpace popped, everybody was like, "What if my son has a secret gay MySpace?"
1:49 Speaker 03 David, what the hell is going on, brother?
1:51 Speaker 04 Yeah, you know...
1:52 Speaker 03 You are looking good.
1:54 Speaker 04 Thank you.
1:54 Speaker 03 You're looking handsome, I said when I walked in.
1:56 Speaker 04 I really liked that.
1:57 Speaker 03 You look good?
1:58 Speaker 04 I really appreciate that.
1:58 Speaker 03 You just moved back to LA?
1:59 Speaker 04 I'm in it, I got a crop shirt.
2:02 Speaker 03 You're engaged?
2:04 Speaker 04 I'm engaged.
2:05 Speaker 03 Which is crazy.
2:06 Speaker 04 I got an Old Navy shirt, I'm engaged.
2:08 Speaker 03 Shit's up.
2:09 Speaker 04 It's... man, we can't lose right now.
2:12 Speaker 03 Shit's up, dude.
2:13 Speaker 04 I'm gonna fucking get in the market.
2:14 Speaker 03 Big guys are winning right now.
2:16 Speaker 04 Come on, dog, did you know we could go to Old Navy like that?
2:18 Speaker 03 Yes. Well, you can't actually go. You have to order from the...
2:23 Speaker 04 That would be disgusting.
2:24 Speaker 03 No. They don't carry our size in the stores.
2:27 Speaker 04 No, no.
2:28 Speaker 03 Cause there's no room for us to all be in there.
2:29 Speaker 04 Yeah.
2:30 Speaker 03 You have to order from the website.
2:31 Speaker 04 And then go, and then, but.
2:33 Speaker 03 They'll send it to you.
2:34 Speaker 04 That's hu- I was getting screwed on DXL for most of my career.
2:39 Speaker 03 I can't, DXL has provided to me, they've ho- they've held me down in times when I needed them. I can't go too hard on DXL.
2:46 Speaker 04 But, brother, let's be really honest.
2:49 Speaker 03 I know, it's tough. They're long and they're golf shirts, all of them.
2:51 Speaker 04 Is many, when have you used a DXL point in your fucking life?
2:56 Speaker 03 I know, use the points.
2:57 Speaker 04 That's bullshit.
2:58 Speaker 03 That's crazy.
2:59 Speaker 04 Because it's full price polo. It's double price polo, maybe.
3:02 Speaker 03 They're expensive.
3:02 Speaker 04 Yeah, man. I, it was the first time I knew I was doing well in my life when I could just go to DXL.com.
3:10 Speaker 03 Yeah.
3:11 Speaker 04 And ball out.
3:12 Speaker 03 And I'm just gonna fire off a shirt right now.
3:13 Speaker 04 Yeah, but balling out was like two hoodies.
3:15 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
3:17 Speaker 04 But Old Navy?
3:18 Speaker 03 They're.
3:18 Speaker 04 They got me right. I'm cropping.
3:20 Speaker 03 Old Navy's, you're looking good. Old Navy's doing you right. Also, I'll tell you, Target?
3:24 Speaker 04 Target, yeah.
3:25 Speaker 03 Target will lowkey have some good men's stuff.
3:27 Speaker 04 My, uh, my, uh, my wife pleaser is from Target.
3:30 Speaker 03 Yeah.
3:31 Speaker 04 I say, I do that now.
3:32 Speaker 03 Thank you. You changed up on that.
3:33 Speaker 04 I changed it up.
3:34 Speaker 03 Yeah.
3:35 Speaker 04 And that's good.
3:35 Speaker 03 That's really beautiful of you.
3:36 Speaker 04 Thank you. Well, I wasn't a big wife pleaser, pleaser guy back in the day.
3:40 Speaker 03 No.
3:41 Speaker 04 There was a time when I was like a pre-teen. And my body was really weird, that all the kids with cool bo- bodies.
3:49 Speaker 03 Yeah.
3:49 Speaker 04 Were just wife pleasers.
3:50 Speaker 03 Cool bodies!
3:52 Speaker 04 You remember like cool body teen boys, how confident they were?
3:54 Speaker 03 Yeah. You remember that?
3:57 Speaker 04 You remember that? You, I know you remember that.
3:59 Speaker 03 Oh, I saw that. I remember that.
4:01 Speaker 04 I wanted to kill them.
4:02 Speaker 03 Yeah.
4:02 Speaker 04 I wanted to kill those little boys.
4:04 Speaker 03 They're running around, they got the cool bodies.
4:06 Speaker 04 Bro, you got delts?
4:07 Speaker 03 Crazy.
4:08 Speaker 04 I eat gummy snacks. My mom gave me gummy snacks this morning and you have muscles on the side of your pecs.
4:16 Speaker 03 Yeah, you've got those little like slopes on your shoulders that are new muscles.
4:20 Speaker 04 Already.
4:21 Speaker 03 That I don't even know about.
4:21 Speaker 04 We weren't even working those then. That was just God gave it to you.
4:24 Speaker 03 You had that from God.
4:26 Speaker 04 Yeah, man. I, those kids had to have peaked, right? That's the best that God.
4:30 Speaker 03 We have, I have to believe it?
4:32 Speaker 04 I need to believe it.
4:33 Speaker 03 I need to believe it? I need to believe it, because imagine, I want you to imagine, you're going through that and then imagine you're gay.
4:40 Speaker 04 That's harder.
4:40 Speaker 03 So not only do you wanna be that guy, but you low-key also need to sleep with him.
4:46 Speaker 04 Ah.
4:46 Speaker 03 Crazy.
4:47 Speaker 04 That's, cuz like, some of these guy, I remember there were these two brothers in one of my junior high schools, Dovon and Jovon.
4:54 Speaker 03 Of course.
4:55 Speaker 04 But they weren't twins, but somehow they were both in junior high school.
4:58 Speaker 03 Yeah, hell yeah.
4:58 Speaker 04 I think it was like a held-back situation.
5:00 Speaker 03 Yeah.
5:00 Speaker 04 But they both somehow looked like DMX.
5:03 Speaker 03 Yeah.
5:05 Speaker 04 And it was just like, how are you this cool?
5:08 Speaker 03 Yeah.
5:09 Speaker 04 And they were like, because if I remember right, you weren't supposed to just wear tank tops to school.
5:14 Speaker 03 No. No, if I'm remembering correctly, and I think I am.
5:16 Speaker 04 Yeah, and I remember one time Jovon had two tank tops on.
5:20 Speaker 03 No.
5:21 Speaker 04 Different color, a black and a white.
5:22 Speaker 03 No.
5:23 Speaker 04 And I was like, this is fucked.
5:26 Speaker 04 Everybody's about to get pregnant in here.
5:28 Speaker 03 He's innovating, he's innovating in the space.
5:30 Speaker 04 You have to come get Jovon. School cop. Don't let this happen.
5:36 Speaker 03 Calling school cop on Jovon. I was like, what's the issue? You're like, look at him.
5:40 Speaker 04 Look at him!
5:41 Speaker 03 He's wearing two tank tops, he looks cool as hell.
5:42 Speaker 04 Come on!
5:43 Speaker 03 He's gonna sleep with these girls, dude, this is fucked.
5:45 Speaker 04 I'm wearing three, but that's just to keep it in.
5:47 Speaker 03 Yeah, this is compression. This is hosiery.
5:53 Speaker 03 These are control top wife pleasers I got on over here.
5:59 Speaker 03 I'm just trying to keep my shit tight.
6:00 Speaker 04 Yeah, man, I'm just trying not to spill out.
6:03 Speaker 03 Jovon's, yeah, Jovon's showcasing, I'm hiding, there's a difference.
6:05 Speaker 04 Exactly, exactly.
6:07 Speaker 03 That is so fucking funny, dude.
6:08 Speaker 04 It was a good time, though.
6:09 Speaker 03 It was a good time. And look at you now, handsome.
6:12 Speaker 04 Look at me now.
6:12 Speaker 03 Fiance.
6:13 Speaker 04 Crop shirt.
6:14 Speaker 03 Living in LA again.
6:15 Speaker 04 I could do anything now.
6:16 Speaker 03 How's it feel?
6:17 Speaker 04 It's good. I, I've had all the LA experiences like in one week, so I'm kinda like, worn out a little bit.
6:24 Speaker 03 Yeah.
6:25 Speaker 04 Like, I went, I did a show on Saturday night, and then my friend was like, hey, do you wanna come to this lowrider party?
6:33 Speaker 03 Oh, that's sick.
6:34 Speaker 04 It sounded really cool, right?
6:36 Speaker 03 Yeah.
6:36 Speaker 04 And I was like, yeah, of course. So me and, uh, Jamel Johnson, we, we go.
6:40 Speaker 03 Love Jamel, so funny.
6:41 Speaker 04 He's the best guy. We go and then like we pull up and the block is shut down? And there's riot cops on either side of the block. I'm like, this can't be right. And I call my friend and he's like, "No, yeah, we're just, we're in front of the tattoo parlor, pull up." So we're walking up and the ghetto bird is like circling.
6:58 Speaker 03 Yeah.
6:59 Speaker 04 And it's shining on this one part of the block.
7:01 Speaker 03 What?
7:02 Speaker 04 And they're actively over the thing like, "Everybody go back to your cars, you will be arrested."
7:08 Speaker 03 What?
7:08 Speaker 04 I was like, I called my friend, I was like, "Joey Glasses, this can't be correct."
7:12 Speaker 03 Yeah.
7:12 Speaker 04 He's like, "No, we're partying, it's cool." So we go up on him and they are just partying. And they're playing cool music.
7:19 Speaker 03 Yeah.
7:20 Speaker 04 Cool, cool music. Like, I think they were playing, you know Girlfriend by Pebbles?
7:24 Speaker 03 No.
7:25 Speaker 04 Girlfriend, "How could you let him treat you so bad?" Uh, uh, uh. They were playing that, right?
7:32 Speaker 03 But I love it.
7:33 Speaker 04 It's so good, it's so good.
7:34 Speaker 03 What neighborhood is this in?
7:35 Speaker 04 This is Echo Park.
7:36 Speaker 03 Thank you.
7:37 Speaker 04 This is right in Echo Park, right across from the Lassens.
7:39 Speaker 03 Yeah, whoa.
7:40 Speaker 04 It was like Main Street Echo Park and they were going up. And then they were like, and were smoking a joint and I was dancing, cause I'm not gonna not dance to Pebbles.
7:48 Speaker 03 Right.
7:48 Speaker 04 But I was like, and then the cops are like actively like, "Get out of here."
7:52 Speaker 03 Yeah.
7:52 Speaker 04 And I was like, "This is maybe too cool for me."
7:54 Speaker 03 Yeah, too cool to have the cops shining the helicopter light on you saying you'll get arrested and being like, "We're partying."
8:00 Speaker 04 I'm too old, I did one song, I smoked one joint and then I was like, "Ah, yeah, I gotta go."
8:05 Speaker 03 I gotta get out of here.
8:06 Speaker 04 Yeah, I ain't got it like that anymore. But it was, that wouldn't happen in Denver.
8:09 Speaker 03 That's really crazy. I went to a Low Rider party once on a bridge.
8:12 Speaker 04 Yeah, see?
8:13 Speaker 03 And it was awesome.
8:14 Speaker 04 It's, man, it's like a community that I appreciate is that, like, I don't wanna be a part of it necessarily, but man, it's cool.
8:22 Speaker 03 I wanna be the, the white guy that they let hang around for a little bit, though.
8:25 Speaker 04 But here's the thing is, don't you wanna be that for every group?
8:29 Speaker 03 Yes.
8:30 Speaker 04 Like,
8:31 Speaker 03 Yes. Yes.
8:33 Speaker 04 Like, it's probably the same thing for like, a group of Filipinos who say the N-word, or like, there's, you know what I mean? Like it's just cool to be the one white guy, I think, in any, or the one not that in any group.
8:44 Speaker 03 Yeah, to be the odd man out, but everyone's cool with you.
8:47 Speaker 04 Except black guy in white group, because that's, they give that too easy.
8:50 Speaker 03 They do give that way too easy.
8:52 Speaker 04 Nobody, like, you're like, I'll take it, but it's not like.
8:54 Speaker 03 Yeah.
8:55 Speaker 04 You're at UCB like, what's up, Rick?
9:00 Speaker 03 I have long said, the only thing scarier than a white person with no black friends is a white person with one black friend.
9:05 Speaker 04 Yeah, because they're empowered.
9:07 Speaker 03 They're, they move like they're bulletproof.
9:08 Speaker 04 Yeah, and it's also like, now you're using this one person as like, your thing for the whole culture, it's like.
9:14 Speaker 03 Yeah, it's crazy.
9:15 Speaker 04 He's over here with you, he brought, he brought, I don't even like it all that much.
9:17 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I would like to be the one white guy who's accepted anywhere, of course, that'd be cool for me.
9:22 Speaker 04 Yeah, that's a good, that's a good.
9:23 Speaker 03 You're okay, white guy, yeah.
9:25 Speaker 04 You have a face, though, that feel.
9:31 Speaker 03 I can't wait.
9:32 Speaker 04 Relax.
9:32 Speaker 03 I can't, hey, everyone relax, hold on.
9:34 Speaker 04 Relax.
9:34 Speaker 03 Well, I didn't say it.
9:35 Speaker 04 I know it is white, it doesn't feel that white.
9:39 Speaker 03 You're, let me tell you something.
9:41 Speaker 04 You know what I'm saying?
9:41 Speaker 03 There have been some casting controversies.
9:44 Speaker 04 Really?
9:45 Speaker 03 People are trying to put me in another box. People are trying to put me in another box.
9:50 Speaker 04 That's awesome, you're like.
9:51 Speaker 03 People think I'm all kinds of things.
9:52 Speaker 04 You're like the new Rob Schneider.
9:54 Speaker 03 Yeah, I've been saying that. Politically, et cetera. People are trying to put me, people are like, people think I'm Mexican, people think I'm Filipino, people thought, what was it, Pacific Islander that we got that one time? People really want to put me in another race box.
10:11 Speaker 04 How far would you be willing to stray? Is my que- like, I just.
10:16 Speaker 03 Well, you know what's really funny? When I first started working with my managers, I think it was them, that they sent me a, they sent me a thing that was like, it was for like a character called like, I don't know, he had like a very Mexican name. And they're like, we want you to audition for this. And I got really, I was upset, because I was like, oh no, I'm working with these people that think I should be going out for non-white guy roles. They knew I was white, you know?
10:35 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
10:36 Speaker 03 And so I sent this.
10:36 Speaker 04 That's why they signed you.
10:37 Speaker 03 Right, exactly.
10:38 Speaker 04 But they also knew you could play.
10:39 Speaker 03 Yeah, they're like, you're white, but let's have some fun.
10:42 Speaker 04 They're, they're at the WME morning meeting, like, honestly, we put this guy in anywhere.
10:46 Speaker 03 Whatever you need.
10:47 Speaker 04 We plug him in.
10:47 Speaker 03 Yeah. He's plug, it's Mr. Plug and Play.
10:52 Speaker 04 That's your Mr. Worldwide?
10:53 Speaker 03 Come on, yeah.
10:56 Speaker 03 It's Mr. Plug and Play on the beat.
10:59 Speaker 04 Ah, that's, that's exciting.
11:02 Speaker 03 But I sent a bit, I sent an email, a stern email being like, hey, I'm so excited to be working with you guys. I just want to let you know, like, I think that's unacceptable. I would not, like, all my, like, heroic white guy shit.
11:12 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah.
11:13 Speaker 03 And they were like, yeah, they're changing the character because they cast the other. There's two characters, the other one's gonna be Mexican now.
11:19 Speaker 04 Oh.
11:20 Speaker 03 We know what we're doing. And I was like, I was like, okay, cool, well, I'll get that tape in.
11:24 Speaker 04 That's, yeah, yeah, by 3pm?
11:26 Speaker 03 I was like, sweet, his name's Derek now, rock on, okay.
11:29 Speaker 04 Yeah. You do gotta tell them, though, because I've had that conversation where it's like, listen, if it says, like, bouncer, uh, jovial.
11:39 Speaker 04 You know what I'm saying?
11:40 Speaker 03 Not jovial.
11:41 Speaker 04 Fat and black as he is happy.
11:43 Speaker 03 Yeah.
11:43 Speaker 04 These types of character breakdowns, I ain't going, man.
11:46 Speaker 03 I'm not doing it.
11:46 Speaker 04 I've really only ever been like a TV teacher, like a lawyer and shit on TV.
11:50 Speaker 03 Really?
11:51 Speaker 04 Yeah.
11:51 Speaker 03 I would love to see you in a, I'd love to see you, like, series regular, series lead as a teacher on TV. I'd love to tune in every week to see you teaching the kids.
11:59 Speaker 04 That would be fun, like my own Steve Harvey show.
12:02 Speaker 03 Well, dude. Get in the fucking lab, what are we talking about?
12:06 Speaker 04 Will you be my coach?
12:07 Speaker 03 Yes.
12:08 Speaker 04 Because that's like, you have to have the teacher who came back from being successful, and then his coach best friend who's been there for a while.
12:14 Speaker 03 Yes.
12:14 Speaker 04 Like, we used to play football in junior high school.
12:16 Speaker 03 Yes.
12:17 Speaker 04 Yeah, that'd be fun.
12:18 Speaker 03 And I know the ways that things work.
12:19 Speaker 04 Yeah, you're teaching me.
12:20 Speaker 03 And when you get hot-headed, I go, not with the principal.
12:22 Speaker 04 Yeah, because me and the principal used to have a thing.
12:24 Speaker 03 Yeah.
12:25 Speaker 04 Maybe this is just the Steve Harvey show.
12:26 Speaker 03 This is the Steve Harvey.
12:27 Speaker 04 Should we reboot the Steve Harvey? Should we just reboot the Steve? I think that's where we landed.
12:32 Speaker 03 No, we'll do the Steve Harvey show.
12:33 Speaker 04 Yeah, you're Cedric, I'm Steve.
12:35 Speaker 03 Yeah, let's go, dude.
12:36 Speaker 04 That's, that's why I moved back.
12:38 Speaker 03 Like, what do we do, this is LA, baby?
12:39 Speaker 04 Yeah, dreams come true here.
12:41 Speaker 03 Someone open Final Draft right now.
12:42 Speaker 04 Come on.
12:43 Speaker 03 Let's cook and walk in with.
12:45 Speaker 04 I have a Celtics account that's long been dormant.
12:47 Speaker 03 Well, it's not Celtics.
12:48 Speaker 04 Yeah, that's how long.
12:50 Speaker 03 No, come on, brother.
12:51 Speaker 04 Bro, I got like two movies in there, just sitting on ice.
12:57 Speaker 03 We gotta get him out of Celtics.
12:58 Speaker 04 I don't know how.
12:59 Speaker 03 No, come on.
13:02 Speaker 03 Come on, get him out of Celtics.
13:03 Speaker 04 I don't wanna, I don't wanna live like this.
13:05 Speaker 03 Save him from Celtics, dude. Get, let's get you an FD.
13:07 Speaker 04 I don't know what that means.
13:08 Speaker 03 Final draft?
13:09 Speaker 04 Oh.
13:09 Speaker 03 You ever been in there? You ever put around in there?
13:11 Speaker 04 No, man. You know, I'm really lucky that like every writing gig I've ever had, there's really strong writers assistants. So I'm, I'm kind of an idea man.
13:20 Speaker 03 Yeah, I see this.
13:21 Speaker 04 And then I'll clean up the dialogue.
13:22 Speaker 03 I see this.
13:23 Speaker 04 Everything else, your structure, that's not over here.
13:26 Speaker 03 We got the writers assistants.
13:27 Speaker 04 I don't, yeah. Who, inciting incident.
13:29 Speaker 03 Yeah, hey, third act break. It's not my business.
13:32 Speaker 04 Brother, I want the jokes.
13:34 Speaker 03 Yeah, you wanna, you wanna be funny?
13:35 Speaker 04 Yeah.
13:36 Speaker 03 Give me a call.
13:36 Speaker 04 That's the one thing I got.
13:38 Speaker 03 Give me a call, I can help.
13:39 Speaker 04 Yeah, and I'm a mid-range dancer.
13:40 Speaker 03 Yeah, oh, we need to go dancing.
13:42 Speaker 04 We should go, we, we should go dancing, we should go swimming.
13:44 Speaker 03 We should go dancing and swimming. What are we doing?
13:47 Speaker 04 One day?
13:48 Speaker 03 If my flight wasn't out of here today, tomorrow, we'd be going swimming in the morning and dancing at night, and I mean that.
13:54 Speaker 04 Next time you come here, let me know early and I, and we'll hook up.
13:58 Speaker 03 I gotta get, I gotta get squeezed in?
14:00 Speaker 04 Yeah. Well, you know, I got, I got the dog, she takes up a lot of time.
14:04 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
14:04 Speaker 04 You delay, I gotta pretend like I'm busy.
14:06 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got the dog and etcetera, so.
14:09 Speaker 04 Hairless cat, you gotta wash her what, twice a week or some shit like that?
14:12 Speaker 03 Those things scare the hell out of me.
14:14 Speaker 04 They do, but it's like, cool, she's cool.
14:16 Speaker 03 Yeah.
14:17 Speaker 04 She's scary looking, but she's cool.
14:18 Speaker 03 You have a hairless cat for real?
14:20 Speaker 04 Yeah, her name's Grandma, you wanna see?
14:22 Speaker 03 Yeah.
14:23 Speaker 04 No, I think that you,
14:24 Speaker 03 Yeah.
14:25 Speaker 04 and I know this is like, it sounds like somebody with an ugly kid, I think you will like mine.
14:29 Speaker 03 Okay.
14:30 Speaker 04 I do think that.
14:31 Speaker 03 I'm gonna take a peek, but I'm real scared about it.
14:34 Speaker 04 It's not, it's bad, it is, see now I can't, okay, okay, look at that, come on, that's like an Anketi's pose.
14:41 Speaker 03 Ooh.
14:43 Speaker 04 Damn, that, that sucked.
14:46 Speaker 03 I don't, ooh, I'm so sorry.
14:48 Speaker 04 That sucked in a way that I shouldn't have even taken my phone out.
14:51 Speaker 03 Dude, I'm so sorry.
14:53 Speaker 04 God damn it, Caleb, you gotta pretend a little bit.
14:56 Speaker 03 Dude, I'm sorry, man, it's like.
14:57 Speaker 04 You gotta meet me halfway.
14:58 Speaker 03 There's a cute face. Maybe if you had started face forward.
15:02 Speaker 04 That's.
15:02 Speaker 03 I don't like the way their skin hangs to their body, I'm sorry.
15:05 Speaker 04 It's a she, she's a she.
15:07 Speaker 03 Sorry.
15:08 Speaker 04 Give me my phone.
15:09 Speaker 03 Sorry.
15:10 Speaker 04 Give me my phone with my daughter.
15:11 Speaker 03 I'm so sorry dude. Can you show me a face forward one maybe?
15:14 Speaker 04 Yeah, let me find now. But now it's like I'm trying to convince you.
15:18 Speaker 03 That made my, that did make my stomach turn a little bit.
15:20 Speaker 04 Here she is when she got a little kern. Her little cone.
15:22 Speaker 03 Yeah, her face is beautiful.
15:23 Speaker 04 Come on, this is, we're not doing this anymore. This sucks.
15:26 Speaker 03 No, but I know she's in a loving home. I bet she has a beautiful personality.
15:29 Speaker 04 She's a beautiful soul.
15:31 Speaker 03 Yeah, but the issue is the way that the, um, the skin when it has no fur on it, the way it clings to the body.
15:38 Speaker 04 It is weird. I grew into it because I wasn't into it at first.
15:41 Speaker 03 Really?
15:41 Speaker 04 I just didn't, I was, I was like, we had just moved into a new spot and my girlfriend was like, what if I get a hairless cat? And I was on the road and I was on the road like every week for the next eight, nine weeks and I was like, bitch, whatever you gotta do.
15:58 Speaker 03 Whatever you need.
15:59 Speaker 04 Whatever you're going through right now, I support it and I guess I'll deal with a hairless cat and then it grew on me.
16:05 Speaker 03 That's crazy.
16:05 Speaker 04 Yeah, you know.
16:06 Speaker 03 Is, why hairless? Why couldn't we go normal style?
16:09 Speaker 04 She's just weird, man. I guess she had already always dreamed of a hairless cat.
16:13 Speaker 03 Yeah.
16:14 Speaker 04 I was talking to another guy recently and he was like, hey, in Atlanta, that's a sign of wealth. And it was like, the best compliment I've gotten in a while.
16:21 Speaker 03 That's beautiful.
16:21 Speaker 04 Or no, he said, I'm from Atlanta, that's a sign of wealth.
16:25 Speaker 03 Even better.
16:26 Speaker 04 Yeah.
16:26 Speaker 03 Because that is different.
16:27 Speaker 04 Yeah, it might not be.
16:28 Speaker 03 Yeah, it could be. These could be non sequiturs.
16:32 Speaker 04 Because you know how people from Atlanta always let you know, like, he was just like saying that.
16:35 Speaker 03 Yeah.
16:36 Speaker 04 And then also congratulating.
16:37 Speaker 03 I'm from Atlanta. That's a sign of wealth.
16:39 Speaker 04 Yeah.
16:39 Speaker 03 Like, it's a different thought almost. Yeah.
16:42 Speaker 04 Yeah, it was good.
16:42 Speaker 03 Interesting.
16:43 Speaker 04 So I've been having a good time.
16:44 Speaker 03 What all are you voicing right now? Because I feel like I hear your voice on the radio and TV.
16:48 Speaker 04 Uh, just Comedy Central. My, both my cartoons got canceled, so just the Comedy Central stuff.
16:53 Speaker 03 But like, are you doing like their, their like commercials?
16:55 Speaker 04 Oh, yeah, I do all the-
16:55 Speaker 03 Tune into Comedy Central, that thing?
16:57 Speaker 04 I do all the promo for the TV and Paramount.
17:00 Speaker 03 It's a real joy to me when your voice comes into my ears.
17:03 Speaker 04 I, I'm glad. It's awesome for me. It's like a job nobody knows I have. I do it from home. I've done it for like- Five year, hopefully five more.
17:11 Speaker 03 Yeah, I just every time I go, that's David. I love that.
17:14 Speaker 04 Isn't that fun?
17:15 Speaker 03 It makes me so happy.
17:15 Speaker 04 Yeah, I watch, I listen to your podcast, so I see you.
17:19 Speaker 03 Whoa.
17:19 Speaker 04 Yeah.
17:20 Speaker 03 What's your favorite episode recently?
17:21 Speaker 04 Laura Peake is my favorite episode of all time.
17:23 Speaker 03 Isn't she incredible?
17:24 Speaker 04 I like when you had your mom back. I really like, who else do I like a lot? No, Peak is, Peak is the best one.
17:34 Speaker 03 Liam Rhymes? She's so funny, dude.
17:37 Speaker 04 It's fucked up.
17:38 Speaker 03 It's crazy.
17:39 Speaker 04 I like that she's funny and she's like old school where she's like, I still smoke cigarettes, so what? And I'm like, hell, yeah.
17:47 Speaker 03 She is like a, she is a comic. Like she really is like she, she'll, she'll show up, shake everyone's hand, step out for a cigarette. Get on stage, murder, come back and be like, so what are we doing?
17:58 Speaker 04 Yeah.
17:58 Speaker 03 I'm just like, you are a fucking comedian, dude.
18:01 Speaker 04 Yeah, I miss that. I miss that energy. Cause I had to like, I went to Denver. I had to kind of get away from comedians for a while.
18:08 Speaker 03 Yeah.
18:09 Speaker 04 To like be a person and figure some shit out. Now I'm back in it.
18:12 Speaker 03 Yeah.
18:12 Speaker 04 But like I had like four years kind of off from being around that energy for the most part.
18:18 Speaker 03 What happened? Why did you think you needed to get away?
18:20 Speaker 04 Uh, you know pandemic happened and I was like, I really thought I was running and gunning before pandemic and then everything stopped. And I was like, oh, you're exhausted and you kind of hate yourself.
18:30 Speaker 03 Oh.
18:31 Speaker 04 And or just hate the.
18:33 Speaker 03 This version of yourself.
18:34 Speaker 04 Yeah, this like weird LA trying to get it together. And pandemic had started right when I got that Comedy Central job. And I was like, you know, I'm like, they were like fat people are gonna die first. LA has the most country cases in the country.
18:48 Speaker 03 Yeah.
18:49 Speaker 04 I was like, let me just go home for a minute and figure it out. And then it turned into four years where I was like. I love entertainment. It's given me a life, but I think that I was in a position to kind of dial it back for a while and be able to just. Get back to me for a little bit.
19:04 Speaker 03 Yeah.
19:05 Speaker 04 And like get focused just on me and life and shit like that. So now I'm back.
19:10 Speaker 03 Now you're back.
19:11 Speaker 04 Yeah.
19:12 Speaker 03 That's interesting.
19:13 Speaker 04 About to stop texting everybody.
19:14 Speaker 03 Yeah.
19:15 Speaker 04 It's all lunch dates from here on in.
19:16 Speaker 03 Baby.
19:17 Speaker 04 Good luck getting ahold of me.
19:18 Speaker 03 Come on. LA David's back on the scene.
19:20 Speaker 04 Yeah, I got the cat.
19:21 Speaker 03 We got the cat.
19:22 Speaker 04 I got the cat.
19:24 Speaker 03 So that's like ten or twelve hours of the day.
19:26 Speaker 04 Yeah, right there.
19:27 Speaker 03 Right there, just bang those out.
19:28 Speaker 04 I make its food, you know.
19:29 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. In the, in the, in the kitchen, like chefing for the cat.
19:33 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah.
19:34 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah, oh man.
19:35 Speaker 04 She's gluten free.
19:36 Speaker 03 Is she?
19:37 Speaker 04 No.
19:37 Speaker 03 Okay.
19:38 Speaker 04 Oh, no, no.
19:38 Speaker 03 I never know.
19:40 Speaker 04 I have a hairless cat, I'm still an African person, like you can't.
19:42 Speaker 03 Yeah.
19:43 Speaker 04 There's like, in your head, you're like, this is a cat.
19:45 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah, hell yeah. Rock on. We're not giving it special diets.
19:49 Speaker 04 No, no, no, no, no.
19:51 Speaker 03 No, interesting.
19:52 Speaker 04 I don't think she's even insured.
19:54 Speaker 03 The cat?
19:54 Speaker 04 Yeah.
19:55 Speaker 03 Probably not.
19:56 Speaker 04 Damn.
19:57 Speaker 03 Probably not.
19:57 Speaker 04 Does SAG do that?
19:58 Speaker 03 SAG what?
19:59 Speaker 04 Do I gotta get on that?
20:00 Speaker 03 To get you, to your insurance?
20:01 Speaker 04 Yeah.
20:02 Speaker 03 I'd love you to have insurance. Do you have insurance?
20:03 Speaker 04 I have SAG, I have, I'm saying to SAG.
20:05 Speaker 03 Can the cat get on your SAG insurance?
20:07 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
20:07 Speaker 03 Well, you know, it's funny, I was, uh, reading something recently about, um, I'm not a pet owner, I would love to have a dog.
20:14 Speaker 04 You seem like a, you seem like a classic dog man.
20:18 Speaker 03 David, I'd love to have a dog.
20:19 Speaker 04 Like a golden retriever or some shit.
20:21 Speaker 03 I'd love to have a dog. I wish.
20:23 Speaker 04 And you have the house in Missouri.
20:25 Speaker 03 I do.
20:25 Speaker 04 Do you have, are you there full time?
20:28 Speaker 03 No, I hardly ever get to go there.
20:30 Speaker 04 Do you have, like, fa- like a caretaker at the home, though?
20:33 Speaker 03 I, there's always people there, yeah.
20:35 Speaker 04 So like you could keep a dog there?
20:39 Speaker 03 I could, I've thought about getting a small dog and taking it around with me, and he travels with me and he's my dog.
20:44 Speaker 04 That's like a level, that's a commitment. That's a new lifestyle.
20:48 Speaker 03 But David, I want kids.
20:49 Speaker 04 Yeah, okay.
20:50 Speaker 03 So maybe it'd be good to like do the small dog now. There's a couple of issues. Of course, my schedule is crazy and I like to change it on a dime. That's one thing.
20:57 Speaker 04 You don't like to fuck in front of animals, I know that.
20:59 Speaker 03 I don't like to fuck in front of animals. That's a huge problem.
21:02 Speaker 04 It's, you do have to like.
21:03 Speaker 03 You have to like focus up.
21:04 Speaker 04 You just have to let that.
21:05 Speaker 03 Yeah.
21:05 Speaker 04 You just ha- it's just going to happen.
21:07 Speaker 03 It's not the audience you want, it's the audience you have.
21:09 Speaker 04 No, and it's not even in, you know the hard part about having sex in front of animals is like.
21:16 Speaker 04 You imagine if you're gonna have sex and someone else is gonna be present, they're gonna be engaged in some way?
21:21 Speaker 03 Yeah, they're at least jerking off.
21:22 Speaker 04 Yeah, but the dog is just in there.
21:25 Speaker 03 Yeah.
21:26 Speaker 04 Doing what she was doing before you were having sex.
21:29 Speaker 03 Yeah.
21:29 Speaker 04 You know what I mean? So it's like not even...
21:31 Speaker 03 Yeah.
21:32 Speaker 04 You're not, so you feel like you're not even put, like, excuse me, I'm not...
21:36 Speaker 03 You're not even gonna watch?
21:37 Speaker 04 You're not gonna look?
21:38 Speaker 03 Yeah.
21:38 Speaker 04 This isn't crazy to you?
21:39 Speaker 03 Yeah.
21:40 Speaker 04 This isn't, you don't do anything. You sit in this house all fucking day.
21:43 Speaker 03 Yeah.
21:44 Speaker 04 I'm putting on a show over here. I'm doing my best.
21:46 Speaker 03 I'm putting in work.
21:46 Speaker 04 And you are gonna turn to the wall and lick yourself, okay?
21:50 Speaker 03 Crazy.
21:51 Speaker 04 I pay rent.
21:52 Speaker 03 I'd like you to at least be interested. Yeah, it's like you have nothing going on all day. I'm over here fucking.
21:56 Speaker 04 I'm fucking.
21:57 Speaker 03 Yeah, dude.
21:57 Speaker 04 I'm putting it down.
21:58 Speaker 03 I'm laying it down.
22:00 Speaker 04 Come on.
22:00 Speaker 03 I'm locked in over here.
22:01 Speaker 04 Yeah, and you just could give a shit less.
22:04 Speaker 03 Yeah, that's crazy.
22:05 Speaker 04 It's like we're watching The Sopranos.
22:06 Speaker 03 That, well, I wish.
22:09 Speaker 04 I just finished, uh, my second rewatch.
22:11 Speaker 03 Did you?
22:12 Speaker 04 Yeah.
22:13 Speaker 03 I will say, I love that show. It gets harder and harder every time to watch the part where they, they like beat a gay guy to death with a pipe.
22:21 Speaker 04 Yeah.
22:21 Speaker 03 That part you go, "Whoa!"
22:23 Speaker 04 I mean, also when Ralph beats the shit out of that girl outside the bing.
22:28 Speaker 03 Crazy.
22:28 Speaker 04 There's like, and I was watching it, and my girl is not into it at all, and at one point she's like, every time I, like, tap in, they're doing something crazy to women.
22:38 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
22:39 Speaker 04 And I'm like, "No, no, no, it's like, Tony's cut", and then you're like, "Yeah, no, yeah."
22:43 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
22:44 Speaker 04 That's a big part of the show.
22:45 Speaker 03 You're like, "No, Tony's complicated." She's like, "He's hitting people."
22:47 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
22:48 Speaker 03 It's like, it's tough.
22:48 Speaker 04 They just hit that woman, and you're like, "Ah, okay."
22:51 Speaker 03 It makes me feel better to know that your girlfriend doesn't really like Sopranos, because she doesn't really like my comedy.
22:55 Speaker 04 Come on, don't, we ta, we were talking about this in the car. That's not, that's not, that's not...
23:00 Speaker 03 Right.
23:00 Speaker 04 That was, we, we should air it out, I guess.
23:02 Speaker 03 Yeah, let's air it out.
23:03 Speaker 04 She doesn't love comedy.
23:06 Speaker 03 She didn't like my show.
23:07 Speaker 04 She did like your show, Caleb. She did like your show. You put her in a terribly uncomfortable position. I don't know what she was going to do. She's not a liar.
23:18 Speaker 03 What did I even do? I don't remember.
23:20 Speaker 04 We, I had told, I said that her little sisters love you.
23:23 Speaker 03 Yeah.
23:24 Speaker 04 And you said, "Not, not her."
23:26 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
23:27 Speaker 04 And then you were like...
23:28 Speaker 03 Was this on stage?
23:29 Speaker 04 Yeah, and you were like, "Alana, if you're here right now, can you tell me, do you like my comedy, yes or no?" And then she said something along the line, she didn't lie, she was like, "I, no, I'm not really into it."
23:38 Speaker 03 Yeah.
23:39 Speaker 04 And then you were like, "Oh, so you hate me." And it was nu, it was nuts. It was so crazy.
23:44 Speaker 03 A lot of.
23:46 Speaker 04 She's a real one, though. That's why I'm over there, you know.
23:48 Speaker 03 I've never had more respect for somebody in my life. She, in a, now I'm remembering, in a theater of a couple thousand people.
23:54 Speaker 04 Full.
23:55 Speaker 03 She, she said out loud in the room, "I'm not really fucking with you."
23:59 Speaker 04 Yeah, it was, yeah, she.
24:02 Speaker 03 That's hilarious.
24:03 Speaker 04 She just doesn't like comedy in a way that I appreciate, because I made a joke the other day about, I was like, if I die early, you know you're gonna have to like, become a comedian.
24:11 Speaker 03 Yo, yeah.
24:12 Speaker 04 And she was like, "That's literally my worst fear is you being dead and me doing stand-up comedy."
24:18 Speaker 03 The two, the two things that cannot happen to me.
24:20 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah.
24:22 Speaker 03 Are you dying and me doing stand-up comedy.
24:24 Speaker 04 And I was like, we should, we should just call it right now. Let's get married today.
24:27 Speaker 03 That's so funny.
24:28 Speaker 04 Yeah.
24:28 Speaker 03 What are you guys gonna do wedding-wise? Have you talked about it yet?
24:30 Speaker 04 We have. We got a venue.
24:33 Speaker 03 Where?
24:34 Speaker 04 Downtown, I don't, can I say it?
24:35 Speaker 03 No worries.
24:36 Speaker 04 Yeah, I'll tell you afterwards.
24:37 Speaker 03 Yeah.
24:37 Speaker 04 But it's cool.
24:38 Speaker 03 Nice.
24:39 Speaker 04 Very old school. It's, it's, I'm excited to get married. I didn't think I would ever do that.
24:44 Speaker 03 You didn't think you'd ever be, like, be excited about a wedding or have a wedding?
24:47 Speaker 04 I think I never thought about the specifics. I always figured I could find myself with some semblance of a family.
24:54 Speaker 03 Yeah.
24:54 Speaker 04 But the steps to get there, I never like, was like romanticizing. So now it's like, oh, we gotta, find a caterer and stuff. That's kind of, it feels like the beginning of the rom-com.
25:05 Speaker 03 Yeah.
25:05 Speaker 04 So that's good.
25:06 Speaker 03 That's really cute.
25:07 Speaker 04 Yeah, I like it.
25:08 Speaker 03 I like that. Are you guys gonna do big or small? What's the?
25:10 Speaker 04 Pretty small.
25:11 Speaker 03 Yeah?
25:12 Speaker 04 I think like a hundred thirty people or something like that.
25:14 Speaker 03 Nice.
25:14 Speaker 04 So like middle, but we don't wanna go too huge.
25:17 Speaker 03 Yeah.
25:18 Speaker 04 You know?
25:18 Speaker 03 This is to me, I don't like weddings. I famously don't like them.
25:22 Speaker 04 Really?
25:22 Speaker 03 And, yeah, please, I love you to death. Please don't invite me to yours.
25:25 Speaker 04 I won't.
25:26 Speaker 03 Thank you. And that's nice.
25:27 Speaker 04 We, we have a salary cap, so that's awesome.
25:29 Speaker 03 That's, yeah, we can't have that many people in there.
25:31 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah.
25:35 Speaker 04 Because you were on the list before.
25:37 Speaker 03 Yeah, nice. And what changed?
25:39 Speaker 04 Well, uh, all right, no, I shouldn't have done that. You weren't on the list before.
25:42 Speaker 03 Okay.
25:42 Speaker 04 And it's not because, it's just because we've only done the family list.
25:45 Speaker 03 Nice.
25:46 Speaker 04 We haven't done any friends yet.
25:47 Speaker 03 Nice, okay, cool. Yeah, um, no, I don't like them. And I, the scariest part to me is making the invite list.
25:54 Speaker 04 Re- really?
25:55 Speaker 03 Yeah, because I'm like, how do you do this, man? Who gets to come? Because you can't have, I know so many people that I love. I would get stressed out that I'd be like, I'm not inviting.
26:03 Speaker 04 It's, it's been tough too, because I have a lot of friends, admittedly, who are real freak shows. You know what I mean?
26:11 Speaker 03 Yeah.
26:12 Speaker 04 And then I have to like, suggest people to her and then she says, "The one memory she has of them."
26:21 Speaker 04 You know what I mean?
26:22 Speaker 03 Yeah, he's bringing up topics.
26:23 Speaker 04 Yeah, I'm like, "Oh, what about Jansikock?" And she's like, "The guy who wanted to bring a falcon to the park?" And I'm like, "Okay."
26:31 Speaker 04 That's not, that's not super.
26:33 Speaker 03 That's not his character.
26:34 Speaker 04 Yeah, that's.
26:35 Speaker 03 It's not his character.
26:35 Speaker 04 Yeah, you could say, "One thing I've done and now I'm not a good guy."
26:40 Speaker 04 You could talk about one exotic animal I wanted to bring to a park and now I'm an asshole, you know what I mean?
26:44 Speaker 03 Yeah.
26:45 Speaker 04 But, uh, you know, we're getting there, we're figuring it out.
26:48 Speaker 03 Hell, yeah.
26:49 Speaker 04 Yeah.
26:49 Speaker 03 I love that.
26:52 Speaker 00 At Peloton, sometimes thinking big means thinking small. Introducing the new Peloton Tread Flex. Our first foldable and movable tread that's just about three feet stowed, so you can roll it away. With an ultra-quiet and comfortable belt that whispers while you run. Made to fit however you move, and fit to move wherever you like. Let yourself run. Peloton. Explore Peloton Tread Flex at onepeloton.com.
27:21 Speaker 03 Do you know, uh, do you know what your first dance is gonna be?
27:25 Speaker 04 That's also complicated.
27:26 Speaker 03 Okay.
27:27 Speaker 04 Because I'm sort of of the mind that no one's canceled for a first dance.
27:32 Speaker 03 Yeah.
27:32 Speaker 04 She does not feel that way.
27:37 Speaker 03 What do you mean?
27:38 Speaker 04 She is, I, I just.
27:41 Speaker 03 What do you want to do that she's worried about getting canceled for?
27:44 Speaker 04 No, the musicians.
27:46 Speaker 03 Okay, oh, okay.
27:49 Speaker 04 I don't want to get too into it, but I suggested some stuff and she's like, "No."
27:53 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cancellation's off the table when we're talking about first dance.
27:57 Speaker 04 That's what I thought!
27:58 Speaker 03 Yeah, okay, yeah.
28:00 Speaker 04 Because it's more about us making a memory.
28:02 Speaker 03 Yeah.
28:03 Speaker 04 But, yeah.
28:04 Speaker 03 So, you're not gonna tell us who you really want that she's kind of on the fence about?
28:07 Speaker 04 Let's just say it wasn't the original version of Ignition.
28:19 Speaker 03 I want that for you, dude.
28:21 Speaker 04 Me too, Caleb.
28:22 Speaker 03 Yeah.
28:23 Speaker 04 I don't think it's, come on.
28:24 Speaker 03 Yeah, I'm saying.
28:25 Speaker 04 Yeah.
28:26 Speaker 03 You deserve this. You work hard.
28:27 Speaker 04 You know what sucks is she's not gonna watch this, so it's still gonna be.
28:30 Speaker 03 Well, don't I know it?
28:31 Speaker 04 We have, you know.
28:33 Speaker 03 Shout out to her little sisters, though.
28:35 Speaker 04 You know what's funny? Yeah, they'll, they'll watch this. She has a, we have a note that we're updating for the wedding playlist.
28:43 Speaker 03 Yeah.
28:43 Speaker 04 And I did put ignition, and then I put, "Just for the fellas." And she hates it.
28:49 Speaker 03 Yeah, she's not into that.
28:50 Speaker 04 Yeah, no, not at all.
28:51 Speaker 03 That is so funny. You go, "Ladies, leave the dance for us. This one's just for the boys."
28:56 Speaker 04 And my argument is that, okay, maybe not first dance, but I think two hours into the reception, everybody's drunk. I think you turn just that one on.
29:05 Speaker 03 Yeah.
29:06 Speaker 04 And it still goes crazy.
29:07 Speaker 03 I think you're good. Once you're into the reception, I agree, it can't be, probably can't be the first song.
29:11 Speaker 04 No, no, that was nuts.
29:12 Speaker 03 Throw people off.
29:12 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
29:13 Speaker 03 Well, I think a couple hours into the reception, you can give away pretty much anything.
29:16 Speaker 04 I think so, man. I think everybody's mingling, the drunk people are drunk, the high people are high, there's no kids.
29:22 Speaker 03 The boring people have gone home.
29:23 Speaker 04 Yeah, exactly.
29:24 Speaker 03 They already said their goodbyes.
29:25 Speaker 04 The old people are done.
29:26 Speaker 03 Yeah.
29:27 Speaker 04 Or the old people who are with the shits.
29:28 Speaker 03 Yeah.
29:29 Speaker 04 So it's like, I, I think I'll get it in there.
29:31 Speaker 03 Yeah, I think you will too.
29:32 Speaker 04 Yeah.
29:32 Speaker 03 And this is what the day's about.
29:34 Speaker 04 R. Kelly?
29:35 Speaker 03 Yeah.
29:37 Speaker 03 That's what the day should be about.
29:38 Speaker 04 That's what the point is.
29:39 Speaker 03 It's like, that's why we gathered here today.
29:41 Speaker 04 Yeah, that's, that's why I'm wearing a mask.
29:46 Speaker 03 Dude, that, that would be a fun, you feel, you strike me as a fun first dance kinda guy.
29:51 Speaker 04 I think so. I'm, uh, I was, me and Alon were just talking about this. This is so funny. I'm good in a party. I was really raised on like, house parties.
30:00 Speaker 03 Yeah.
30:00 Speaker 04 With like, mad foreigners.
30:02 Speaker 03 Yeah.
30:02 Speaker 04 So like, I'm, I was a party baby.
30:05 Speaker 03 Yeah.
30:05 Speaker 04 I grew into a party teen, and I'm now a party man.
30:08 Speaker 03 What do you mean by mad foreigners?
30:10 Speaker 04 My, so, it's so weird, man. My mom came here, right, and she had me right after she got here, but she's like a kid. She's like nineteen.
30:16 Speaker 03 Yeah.
30:17 Speaker 04 So she went to college, so, she went to college when I was like, two or three. So from like, those forty, three to seven, I guess, I just lived on campus and like, when my mom first started college, uh, she was at ESL.
30:32 Speaker 03 Hmm.
30:33 Speaker 04 So it was like, like my second birthday party, I think, is just like, me, my tiny African mom, cause my mom's like, four eleven. And then just like, the twenty-five Korean girls who are in her ESL class.
30:47 Speaker 04 But then she just, she just met all these African people and shit like that and they would just. My whole life, growing up, they would just always have crazy, like, house parties.
30:56 Speaker 03 Yeah.
30:56 Speaker 04 So like, just dancing and food. And then like, her and her friends, they all kinda continued that growing up. So there was, I just, yeah, it was just always. Somebody was having a barbecue or a house party and there was always like, dancing and all that shit.
31:10 Speaker 03 I bet the food at the Korean African house party was.
31:13 Speaker 04 The food was going up.
31:14 Speaker 03 So sick.
31:15 Speaker 04 Food was going up. There was, it was, my mom was reminding me this the other day. There were times where we'd be, cause we lived in apartments always. So there would be times where we'd be partying, I say we like I was in a. I was, I was in the kids' room, but I was sneaking out.
31:27 Speaker 03 Yeah, for sure.
31:27 Speaker 04 I was sneaking out, you know what I mean? I hear waterfalls, my jam comes on. I go out there, everybody, it's cute when he's doing the bump.
31:34 Speaker 03 Yeah.
31:34 Speaker 04 Uh, but we, my mom would leave the door open and like, people from the neighborhood would like, come into our part- parties, like, it was really.
31:41 Speaker 03 Sounds heavenly.
31:42 Speaker 04 Yeah, I mean, we were very poor, but that part was good.
31:45 Speaker 03 That part, well, here's the thing. I also grew up very poor and that part sucked. But when everyone was just having a good time, you kinda forgot you were poor for a second.
31:53 Speaker 04 Yeah, for a lot.
31:54 Speaker 03 Chilling, yeah.
31:55 Speaker 04 For a lot. I think I've like, dramatized it now as I got older.
31:59 Speaker 03 Hmm.
31:59 Speaker 04 That it was more of a burden on me maybe than it was.
32:02 Speaker 03 Really?
32:03 Speaker 04 I, I think a little bit. I think I was mostly kinda trying to have a good time.
32:07 Speaker 03 Yeah. I think as a little, little kid, I feel maybe same. Like, as a little, little kid, I didn't really know anything other than just like, yeah, we went, we went to the lake, a lot. And like, lake parties were like, that was crazy.
32:18 Speaker 04 Oh, yeah.
32:18 Speaker 03 Everyone's going crazy, the adults are having a good time. I didn't know that that was like, their only day off for the year.
32:23 Speaker 04 Right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You didn't know how important it was?
32:27 Speaker 03 I didn't know why they were going so hard.
32:29 Speaker 04 Yeah.
32:29 Speaker 03 Like, the burgers had to be right, you know?
32:31 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's like a fight.
32:35 Speaker 03 Hey, people were being weird, they've had too much to drink, for sure. It's the one day they get off this year or whatever.
32:39 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah.
32:40 Speaker 03 But yeah, then when I got a little older and I couldn't wear name brand clothes, that's when shit started to feel tight.
32:44 Speaker 04 That's exactly when it happened, was like, I think puberty, when you start to feel that real difference, is clothing is what does it.
32:51 Speaker 03 It's, yeah, it's clothing, for sure.
32:53 Speaker 04 It's the three wife pleasers.
32:55 Speaker 03 Three wife pleasers is crazy.
32:56 Speaker 04 When Dovon and Jovan got two on.
32:57 Speaker 03 Dovon and Jovan got two on. Dovon and Jovan is so awesome.
33:02 Speaker 04 It was crazy. It was really, it was really nuts.
33:05 Speaker 03 That's really fun. Do you know where they are now?
33:06 Speaker 04 No, no idea.
33:07 Speaker 03 No?
33:08 Speaker 04 I don't even wanna look them up.
33:09 Speaker 03 I hope that they reach out because of this. I bet they're listeners. Dovon and Jovan, if you're out there.
33:14 Speaker 04 I love you, they are not.
33:15 Speaker 03 No, come on.
33:16 Speaker 04 I don't think their podcast.
33:18 Speaker 03 Jovan and Jovan.
33:19 Speaker 04 If this was the Joe Button podcast, maybe.
33:21 Speaker 03 Maybe.
33:22 Speaker 04 Maybe.
33:23 Speaker 03 Damn. You don't think I got reach?
33:26 Speaker 04 I don't.
33:26 Speaker 03 You don't think I'm, you don't think I'm reaching people from your past?
33:28 Speaker 04 Not to where they're at. I think some people from my past will see this.
33:31 Speaker 03 Yeah?
33:31 Speaker 04 For sure.
33:31 Speaker 03 Yeah?
33:32 Speaker 04 Yeah, I think some guys.
33:33 Speaker 03 Guys, if you're from David's past, please reach out.
33:35 Speaker 04 Don't, don't.
33:36 Speaker 03 No, actually.
33:40 Speaker 04 It's okay.
33:41 Speaker 03 Everybody, everybody from David's past.
33:44 Speaker 04 I don't answer DMs.
33:47 Speaker 03 I've had a, I've had a couple moments in the last couple of years of like, you know, it's like, it's funny, the things I think that are big happening in my career, no one from the past reaches out.
33:56 Speaker 04 No, yeah.
33:57 Speaker 03 They don't think the same things are cool that I do. And then the things they think are cool are things I don't really care about, but that's when I get the reach out from the random stranger from the past.
34:05 Speaker 04 Yeah.
34:05 Speaker 03 But like, girl you had one class in college with, it's like, I always knew. It's like, okay, we barely spoke, you know?
34:10 Speaker 04 Yeah, that is so odd. It is so odd. You, you know what I've gotten is some people reaching out in like, an odd like, like there's this one guy who, quite frankly, we really just used to do drugs together. Like, that's really what the relationship was. And he'd reach out, but it was always so like, you probably don't even remember me. And I'm like, alright, man, well, I'm not gonna answer to that. And then it's like six of them.
34:33 Speaker 03 Yeah.
34:34 Speaker 04 Like, oh, I bet you forgot your days at Dirty Tricks. And I'm like, hey, man, what the fuck?
34:41 Speaker 03 It's like antagonistic, kind of insecure, like.
34:44 Speaker 04 You probably don't even remember me at all, huh?
34:45 Speaker 03 Yeah, and it's like, ah. I do, but I don't wanna talk.
34:48 Speaker 04 Well, it was, that guy particularly was like, uh, did you ever have a friend that you used to get fucked up with a lot and then you tried to hang out sober one time and you're like, oh, I don't even know?
34:58 Speaker 03 That wasn't part of my journey.
34:59 Speaker 04 Okay, that's good.
35:00 Speaker 03 I wasn't getting fucked up like that.
35:01 Speaker 04 That's good. That's probably good.
35:02 Speaker 03 But I can totally see what occurred there.
35:04 Speaker 04 Yeah, where it was like one time in the daytime.
35:07 Speaker 03 Yeah.
35:07 Speaker 04 And you're like, oh, we don't have any, we don't really have anything.
35:10 Speaker 03 I think I had a lot of friends that had like this happen to them en masse. That they were like, my whole friend group is based on partying. And then they wake up one day when they're like 26 and they're like, I don't like or know any of these people.
35:20 Speaker 04 Yeah, it's like a lot of people you realize you've never seen in the daytime.
35:23 Speaker 03 Yeah.
35:24 Speaker 04 You know what I mean?
35:24 Speaker 03 Yeah, or sober or anything.
35:26 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you're like, oh, these are just like, I think we're all, we're less like, we're not connecting, we're kind of just bumping into each other at the nighttime.
35:34 Speaker 03 Yeah.
35:34 Speaker 04 You know what I mean?
35:35 Speaker 03 Yeah.
35:36 Speaker 04 But, uh.
35:37 Speaker 03 Where were you, where were you when, where were you in your early twenties?
35:40 Speaker 04 San Francisco.
35:41 Speaker 03 San Francisco.
35:41 Speaker 04 I was so, I was in a shit town in Colorado and I got the fuck up out of there and then I made my way to San Francisco at twenty twenty-two and I started doing comedy and then I was like, I think I left to come here when I was like twen- twenty-seven, twenty-eight.
35:58 Speaker 03 Yeah, I knew that you had done comedy in San Francisco before you came here.
36:01 Speaker 04 I was, I was heavy in San Francisco. I really loved it.
36:04 Speaker 03 I didn't know you were out there for that long.
36:05 Speaker 04 Yeah, years, years.
36:07 Speaker 03 Fixure of the scene.
36:08 Speaker 04 Oh, yeah. I was Mr. I, man, I loved it so much. I like, when I was in San Francisco, cause it was the first time, I moved around a lot as a kid, so San Francisco was the first time I felt like an active participant in my community in a real way.
36:21 Speaker 03 Hmm.
36:21 Speaker 04 And I just like, really, like, I threw shows for my neighbor. Like, I wanted to be popping in the inner Richmond.
36:29 Speaker 03 Yeah.
36:29 Speaker 04 That was like what, I was like, I wanted everybody on Clement Street to know who I was, you know what I mean?
36:34 Speaker 03 Yeah.
36:34 Speaker 04 And it was like, yeah, it was an amazing time. A bunch of fun friends were there. Amy Miller was there.
36:39 Speaker 03 One of the most confounding things to me about Amy is that she's not Midwestern.
36:44 Speaker 04 Yeah.
36:44 Speaker 03 Cause she gives crazy Midwestern energy.
36:46 Speaker 04 It's like, it, you know what it is, is it's a branch of California a lot of people don't know about.
36:50 Speaker 03 I know, I know. I really had to tap in on that, cause I met her, she's the kind of person, she would live next to sex workers and be like, hey, girls!
36:57 Speaker 04 Yeah.
36:58 Speaker 03 You know, and I'm like, you're giving Omaha in such a crazy way?
37:00 Speaker 04 Yeah, no, but not Omaha at all. El Sabrani.
37:03 Speaker 03 Big, yeah, yeah, exactly.
37:05 Speaker 04 El Sabrani, which is not even Oakland, it's like the, out.
37:09 Speaker 03 Different thing.
37:10 Speaker 04 Yeah, it's past Oakland.
37:11 Speaker 03 Actually, different thing. Yeah, I did have to find out that there was a version of California that gives Midwestern.
37:17 Speaker 04 Which is nice, because it's almost like it can't all be paradise.
37:20 Speaker 03 Yeah.
37:21 Speaker 04 You know what I mean?
37:22 Speaker 03 I do.
37:23 Speaker 04 It's like, or have you ever been nor- north of San Francisco, like?
37:26 Speaker 03 I've been up there, but I'm not hanging around. Yeah.
37:29 Speaker 04 It's hairy up there.
37:30 Speaker 03 It's weird to feel things that drive, like being around California, I've been around the whole state in the last, you know, couple of years, and it's weird to feel, like, to feel the, um, the culture and the politics of home, but to be around palm trees and mountains. It's very uncanny valley to me.
37:46 Speaker 04 It pisses me off because, quite frankly, because it's like, like in Colorado, I, I lived in a little shit town for a long time, or just a little small town, that kind of shit. But like, those people, it's brown all the time, the weather sucks, you're on the high plains, you're not even in the mountains. I understand your hatred of California, your hatred of other people.
38:08 Speaker 03 Yeah.
38:09 Speaker 04 It sucks over here.
38:10 Speaker 03 Yeah.
38:10 Speaker 04 But you go down to Orange County, you're like, what the fuck are you mad about?
38:13 Speaker 03 What are you complaining about?
38:15 Speaker 04 You, over here, you're like that?
38:16 Speaker 03 Yeah.
38:17 Speaker 04 You should love everybody. Nobody's coming for this.
38:19 Speaker 03 Yeah.
38:20 Speaker 04 OC?
38:20 Speaker 03 Yeah.
38:21 Speaker 04 Like, you're good.
38:22 Speaker 03 You're chilling.
38:23 Speaker 04 Yeah, it seems odd to me. I don't know how anybody could be a Republican by the beach.
38:28 Speaker 03 That's a beautiful sentiment, David.
38:30 Speaker 04 That's how I feel.
38:31 Speaker 03 That's a beautiful sentiment.
38:32 Speaker 04 That's how I feel.
38:35 Speaker 00 At Peloton, sometimes thinking big means thinking small. Introducing the new Peloton Tread Flex. Our first foldable and movable tread that's just about three feet stowed, so you can roll it away. With an ultra-quiet and comfortable belt that whispers while you run. Made to fit however you move, and fit to move wherever you like. Let yourself run. Peloton. Explore Peloton Tread Flex at onepeloton.com.
39:04 Speaker 03 Do you think that you, what do you, do you have any Republican opinions, feelings? What do you got going on over there? Anything Republican going on for you?
39:14 Speaker 04 No.
39:15 Speaker 03 I don't think so, right?
39:16 Speaker 04 No, no, I, I don't, I guess I don't hate hunting and fishing.
39:20 Speaker 03 You going fishing?
39:21 Speaker 04 I like fishing, I'm not, hunting I said to sound cool, but fishing.
39:25 Speaker 03 Yeah, hunting is just too much more involved, I feel.
39:28 Speaker 04 It's also, it's, yeah, it's a bigger time commitment, you gotta have the guns. But fishing, especially in Denver, me and my friends would go fishing a lot.
39:34 Speaker 03 Really?
39:35 Speaker 04 Yeah.
39:35 Speaker 03 I haven't been fishing in a while.
39:37 Speaker 04 Man, I, we should go fishing.
39:39 Speaker 03 We really should.
39:40 Speaker 04 I wish you were, I wish, now, now I wish I was in Denver, cuz I got spots.
39:43 Speaker 03 Damn.
39:44 Speaker 04 You know what I mean?
39:45 Speaker 03 I bet we'll end up in Denver at the same time eventually.
39:46 Speaker 04 Yeah, it'll happen soon.
39:47 Speaker 03 Life is long.
39:48 Speaker 04 Yeah.
39:49 Speaker 03 We need to do that.
39:50 Speaker 04 Yeah.
39:51 Speaker 03 I'd love to go fishing, I haven't been in forever.
39:52 Speaker 04 Really?
39:53 Speaker 03 It's been so long. I did when I was a kid, I would go.
39:56 Speaker 04 It's like, it's just a reason to be outside, man.
39:59 Speaker 03 That's the thing, I'd like to go fishing with like-minded adults, because the issue with fishing and hunting growing up for me is that I'm a talker. And the men in my family were not enjoying that.
40:07 Speaker 04 Right.
40:08 Speaker 03 They were, they were very much like, shut the fuck up.
40:11 Speaker 04 Like you're just in the blind, just talking about stuff?
40:14 Speaker 03 Oh, I'm truly just in the blind, like kicking my feet up, being like, at school, there's this kid. You know, I'm like, and truly my uncle's like, yeah, yeah, man, shh, shh, shh, shh, you're gonna scare the deer away, you're gonna scare the fish away. I was always scaring something by talking.
40:25 Speaker 04 Yeah, I mean, I mean, but that goes into life, I, you know, I'm glad I'm not that kinda man.
40:31 Speaker 03 Yeah.
40:32 Speaker 04 Like, I feel like I have enough masculine traits, but I was very much raised by women, so I'm not like the kinda like, if I'm alone with my friend, we're talking.
40:40 Speaker 03 Yeah.
40:41 Speaker 04 We're gabbing it up, my feet are up, we're chitting, we're chatting.
40:44 Speaker 03 Yeah.
40:45 Speaker 04 All that, kiki and chatty cat, whatever you wanna call it, I, I'm not like that quiet. I'm quiet by myself, I don't need to be quiet with my friends, I love my friends.
40:53 Speaker 03 That's what I'm saying, I don't wanna, and I don't wanna be quiet with anybody, if I'm in, if I'm in a hunting blind with a, a person, we're chatting.
40:59 Speaker 04 Yeah, cuz what else would we do it up here?
41:00 Speaker 03 I'm stuck in here with you.
41:01 Speaker 04 Yeah.
41:02 Speaker 03 I wanna be quiet with you.
41:03 Speaker 04 I'm covered in deer piss, I wanna at least talk about how I feel about it.
41:07 Speaker 03 I'm fucking drenched in deer piss?
41:09 Speaker 04 Yeah.
41:09 Speaker 03 He's like, yeah, you didn't have to do that.
41:11 Speaker 04 Yeah, but I wanted to.
41:12 Speaker 03 But I wanted to, man, cuz I love you.
41:14 Speaker 04 Yeah.
41:19 Speaker 03 You got any kids in your life?
41:20 Speaker 04 Children? Uh, my sister just had a baby.
41:23 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah?
41:24 Speaker 04 Yeah.
41:24 Speaker 03 When?
41:26 Speaker 04 Four months ago.
41:27 Speaker 03 Wow.
41:27 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
41:28 Speaker 03 Fresh baby.
41:29 Speaker 04 Yeah, little baby. Other than that, I don't really have any children in my life. Which sucks, because I really like children, but it's like, I'm at a point where if I want to interact with some, I gotta grow my own.
41:39 Speaker 03 Yeah.
41:39 Speaker 04 You can't just be out here.
41:41 Speaker 03 Yeah. Who just had a really funny joke about that? Uh, uh, Ahmed.
41:44 Speaker 04 Yeah.
41:45 Speaker 03 Ahmed, uh, just had a great joke about that. And I don't remember the specifics of it, but he was just basically like, "Yeah, I can't, I can't just be like playful with kids the way I want to in public. It's not a good look."
41:54 Speaker 04 I had a bit about that on my Comedy Central half hour, yeah.
41:57 Speaker 03 It really is true, and I feel it all the time.
41:59 Speaker 04 Yeah, and it's like, because it's like, I very much remember being a kid and like strangers taking the liking to you, like in the grocery or some store or something.
42:08 Speaker 03 Yeah.
42:08 Speaker 04 And always really enjoying those interactions.
42:10 Speaker 03 Yeah.
42:11 Speaker 04 You know, or just like, an old lady winks at you, or some, some just shit like that. You know what I mean?
42:16 Speaker 03 Yes!
42:17 Speaker 04 Did that sound crazy?
42:18 Speaker 03 No, but, no, but it was, I feel that, I'm with you, yeah.
42:20 Speaker 04 Because I've always been, I was on the street a lot as a kid by myself. And I've just always been the type of people, person that people would come up to.
42:28 Speaker 03 Yeah.
42:28 Speaker 04 Like, I've just always had that. And, and sometimes it'd be weird. I remember being a little kid and like, dudes trying to sell me cologne out of backpacks, and that wasn't...
42:35 Speaker 03 Yeah, that's different.
42:37 Speaker 04 That wasn't ideal, but like, a lot of just strangers talking to me, and I always really liked that. I always thought, or like, you know, you'd be running around the store and somebody would like, laugh at that, just like interacting with kids, but you really, you probably shouldn't be doing that.
42:50 Speaker 03 It's hard because I love kids, and I do want to like, when they're, when they're like, you know, I, I want to talk to them, because I think they're so interesting, and I'm like, I love that you're in here being silly.
42:59 Speaker 04 Me too.
43:00 Speaker 03 But then you look at the parents, and sometimes the parents aren't like, the parent needs to give you a cue that you can be silly with the kid.
43:05 Speaker 04 Right, right, right, right. There needs to be some type of a... I remember when I first moved to San Francisco, there was like this elaborate bandana system to tell people how you like to have sex.
43:16 Speaker 03 Yes. Yeah, we learned about this.
43:19 Speaker 04 You remember that?
43:19 Speaker 03 We learned about this recently on the pod.
43:21 Speaker 04 Oh, really?
43:21 Speaker 03 We had a gay historian on the pod, and he was...
43:23 Speaker 04 It was, it was crazy, and I remember, because I remember it was like, it was the first, my first like, "Wow, I'm not in Colorado anymore."
43:33 Speaker 04 You know what I mean? Like I was at an open mic and this guy has like an orange bandana out of his left pocket. And some girl's like, "That means he's down for anything." And I was like, "What?" Cause at the time too, I was like, I've always been open, but I just wasn't like liberal in the way that I wasn't around a lot. Especially like gay people, I just wasn't around. So I remember her saying, "He's down for anything." And I was like, "This guy's probably kissing dudes."
43:58 Speaker 03 To say the least. He's actually probably graduated from kissing dudes. He doesn't do that anymore.
44:04 Speaker 04 I was like, "Down for anything." I was like, "What, like he kissed a boy?"
44:07 Speaker 03 That's so fucking funny dude.
44:08 Speaker 04 Yeah, I was, I was a rube when I got to San Francisco for sure.
44:12 Speaker 03 You were, you were an adult and oof, just kinda going around being like, "Who wants to teach me about gay?"
44:17 Speaker 04 Well, cause it was like, I'd seen a lot of life, but like bad stuff. So I'd seen a lot of like violence and crime and shit like that. But I hadn't just seen like really open sexually people, you know what I mean?
44:28 Speaker 03 Yeah.
44:28 Speaker 04 I was always curious about it, cause it's like, it always seemed like it was a good time.
44:31 Speaker 03 Yeah.
44:32 Speaker 04 You know what I mean?
44:32 Speaker 03 It does seem like it's a good, that's partially why I ended up over there.
44:35 Speaker 04 Yeah, they seem like they're having a good time.
44:36 Speaker 03 You go, those people are having fun, yeah.
44:38 Speaker 04 Were you, I feel like I know some of your story from watching the podcast. But you weren't, besides having sex with high school boys, you weren't like gay community in, in Missouri, right?
44:50 Speaker 03 No, I had some, I was yeah, hooking up with like peers and some guys a little bit older when I was in, when I was a teenager. But I, maybe a little bit, like I would talk to, when I was in middle school, I got in gay chatrooms. Not sexually, but I was in gay chatrooms.
45:04 Speaker 04 Just for friends?
45:04 Speaker 03 No, truly, to talk to gay people.
45:06 Speaker 04 That's so beautiful. People don't talk about, everybody talks about the predatory nature of the chatrooms. Nobody ever talks about just like...
45:13 Speaker 03 I was in there, I was so scared David. I was like literally on my grandma's computer on MySpace in Iowa. Like everyone's outside playing and I would sneak in and I had a fake MySpace, like a secret MySpace account.
45:21 Speaker 04 You had a secret gay MySpace?
45:23 Speaker 03 Yes, yes. And I'd be like, I'd be like, "I am, I am 13, I live in Missouri, I'm gay, what do I do?"
45:28 Speaker 04 That's literally their biggest fear.
45:30 Speaker 03 True, truly.
45:31 Speaker 04 Like when, when MySpace popped, everybody was like, "What if my son has a secret gay MySpace?"
45:57 Speaker 04 Oh, that's so funny.
45:59 Speaker 03 Meanwhile, I'm truly just on there to be like, someone tell me what to watch.
46:03 Speaker 04 That's, oh.
46:04 Speaker 03 Someone give me a movie. I got so scared. I remember one, one older gay guy messaged me back and he was like, he was like, honey, when you feel stressed out, have some chamomile tea and just remember you're gonna get older someday. And I got so scared by the kindness of that, that it felt intimate and I deleted my account and didn't get back on for a while.
46:19 Speaker 04 Wow.
46:20 Speaker 03 I was so scared of that.
46:21 Speaker 04 I have a few questions about your account.
46:23 Speaker 03 Yeah.
46:24 Speaker 04 Did you do your own coding for wallpaper?
46:26 Speaker 03 No, no, no design, no, no.
46:29 Speaker 04 No design. You didn't have like a song?
46:31 Speaker 03 No, no name, no, it was like.
46:33 Speaker 04 Oh.
46:34 Speaker 03 Yeah, it was like whatever, whatever the least you could do was.
46:36 Speaker 04 Oh, you poor babe. Cause, did you have any gay people in your life at all?
46:40 Speaker 03 No.
46:41 Speaker 04 That's tough.
46:42 Speaker 03 So I was like looking, you know, but I did know inherently that like, I knew my Aunt Ashley, I knew my mom would be like, wouldn't care. You could just feel that they were, I mean, maybe my Aunt Ashley was openly saying politically progressive stuff, but my mom's always been like a, anytime someone would say something hateful around her about any type of person, she'd be like, whatever, let's have a beer.
47:01 Speaker 04 Yeah, that's awesome.
47:02 Speaker 03 She was never down with that shit.
47:04 Speaker 04 That's awesome.
47:04 Speaker 03 So I always knew she would be cool.
47:06 Speaker 04 That's how my mom was too. Well, also my mom was like, she went out clubbing a lot. So from an early age, I knew, go to gay bars if you don't wanna get hit on by men.
47:16 Speaker 03 Yeah.
47:17 Speaker 04 As a woman.
47:18 Speaker 03 Whoa.
47:19 Speaker 04 She, my mom was doing that in like the mid 90s.
47:21 Speaker 03 Queen.
47:22 Speaker 04 Yeah, her and her friends would go, cause she's like, she, she always had a lot of friends, but it's, it's mostly like, she has like a core group of women that, kinda they're still friends to this day, shout out to my aunties, but they would all go out a lot and my mom likes to dance, so like, yeah, they were going to gay bars in Seattle. Which is weird, cause then as an adult, sometimes I'll go out to a bar and then I'll remember my mom having talked about that bar when I was a kid.
47:45 Speaker 03 Whoa.
47:46 Speaker 04 Like the rebar or some shit. You know what I mean? Which is weird.
47:50 Speaker 03 That's really weird.
47:51 Speaker 04 Ah, yeah, it's strange.
47:52 Speaker 03 That's very interesting.
47:53 Speaker 04 Yeah.
47:54 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, I was, I was hopping on there, I was hopping on MySpace to chit chat with, uh, with gay people. But I, I had a lot of the same things you probably had when you moved to San Francisco, when I was like, going up to Kansas City in high school to go to like movie theaters and see gay movies and stuff.
48:07 Speaker 04 Yeah.
48:07 Speaker 03 I would see gay people and like, I would try and like, I would try to strike up a conversation with them. You know, just to, to hear, but I, I was so like, I would see a gay guys holding hands in Kansas City and I'd be like, oh my god, they're just doing that out in the open.
48:19 Speaker 04 You know what's crazy? Cause that integration into your community is so odd. I had that in San Francisco, but with black people because I was in a small town for like four years.
48:27 Speaker 03 Oh.
48:28 Speaker 04 Where there were no, anybody, black people, there was like a few Mexicans, but they only spoke Spanish.
48:32 Speaker 03 Yeah.
48:33 Speaker 04 So it was like very isolated in San Francisco, it was the same thing, just going to black movies like, hey.
48:38 Speaker 03 Hey, guys, me as well, any questions?
48:41 Speaker 04 I got this green bandana. Means I'm down to talk to any race.
48:46 Speaker 03 I'll talk to any race, I don't mind.
48:47 Speaker 04 Yeah, send a Pacific Islander over, I don't give a shit.
48:49 Speaker 03 Bring him over, no worries. I don't care at all. That's so funny, dude. That's so funny.
48:57 Speaker 04 I, you know the weird thing about moving to San Francisco was like, there was so much, uh, open stuff sexually and I found out really quickly that I'm just a boring straight and I always felt like, damn.
49:08 Speaker 03 It's tough.
49:09 Speaker 04 It, it, cause you're like, I'm in the playground.
49:12 Speaker 03 Yeah.
49:12 Speaker 04 I, how did I end, I, there would be times where I'd be like, how did I end up in San Francisco not gay at twenty-three?
49:20 Speaker 03 Yeah.
49:20 Speaker 04 This is fucked.
49:21 Speaker 03 But that's how you know you really mean it.
49:23 Speaker 04 Yeah.
49:23 Speaker 03 With the straight stuff.
49:24 Speaker 04 That is, that is it.
49:25 Speaker 03 I really believe that you're straight.
49:27 Speaker 04 Yeah.
49:27 Speaker 03 And that's a hard pill for me to swallow about anybody that I like.
49:29 Speaker 04 I get that.
49:30 Speaker 03 But I believe you.
49:31 Speaker 04 I get, no, I.
49:32 Speaker 03 Cause you had the, you were right there in Demora.
49:35 Speaker 04 If it was gonna happen.
49:36 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
49:39 Speaker 04 And I remember I'd be at like, we used to tell jokes at this place, The Stud.
49:43 Speaker 03 Yeah.
49:43 Speaker 04 Uh, this little gay bar on Folsom. And it would be like, right after the open mark, Mike, was this party called Bear Wars.
49:50 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah.
49:51 Speaker 04 And so it would be like the
49:52 Speaker 03 I bet you had a tough time getting out of there.
49:54 Speaker 04 Brother.
49:55 Speaker 03 Yeah.
49:55 Speaker 04 And it was the most, it was the first, cause I was like, I was like twenty-three, twenty-four. It was the first time anyone had paid me any attention in the way of like buying me drinks and shit.
50:05 Speaker 03 Oh yeah, big handsome guy like you.
50:07 Speaker 04 And even that didn't do it, so I just ain't got it, man.
50:09 Speaker 03 Yeah, it's not for you.
50:10 Speaker 04 Yeah, you know, not everything's for everybody.
50:13 Speaker 03 No.
50:13 Speaker 04 And I appreciate the culture.
50:14 Speaker 03 Yeah, I, I, I, one of my favorite things is how much my, my like married straight guy friends take an interest in my life.
50:22 Speaker 04 I see, that's beautiful.
50:23 Speaker 03 They're very, they're very jealous and interested. They're like, oh, you guys just, you just call up a blowjob on command, that's crazy.
50:29 Speaker 04 I think sometimes men, this is, sounds terrible, I think sometimes men, straight, super straight men, look at gay men and they view it as like, the idea of a life unencumbered by women.
50:42 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah.
50:43 Speaker 04 Like, you don't have to, and I think that's what they're so excited about.
50:47 Speaker 03 Sometimes I will say-
50:48 Speaker 04 You and your boys just kiss.
50:50 Speaker 03 You guys just hang out, and then you're fucking them?
50:53 Speaker 04 Yeah.
50:54 Speaker 03 What?
50:54 Speaker 04 What?
50:55 Speaker 03 Well, so, not my boys, but so many straight guys don't, genuinely just don't like women.
51:00 Speaker 04 That's what I mean.
51:01 Speaker 03 That's totally what it is, is that they're just like, oh, I gotta go fuck my girlfriend.
51:04 Speaker 04 Yeah, it's one of the more alarming things about growing up.
51:07 Speaker 03 Yeah.
51:08 Speaker 04 Just finding out, like, cause like, I knew about men from my mom and her friends growing up, and then high school, I was playing football and shit, and then I got, I was doing construction for a while and shit. So like, finding out that like, there's a lot of dudes who just, like, and they operate, I'm not saying they're like, violent, terrible, they operate in society, they have women in their lives, but they just don't like women, and you're like, oh, I didn't know. That sucks.
51:38 Speaker 03 It's a real, they have no interest in, it's a real weird, like, I had, I honestly had a big-
51:42 Speaker 04 But honestly, other people that way too. My girl does not care for men at all.
51:46 Speaker 03 Queen.
51:46 Speaker 04 She likes me.
51:47 Speaker 03 She's real.
51:47 Speaker 04 Other than that, she's not really-
51:49 Speaker 03 She's real.
51:50 Speaker 04 Cause I'll try to put shit on sometimes, like, just any man-dominated thing. Like, last night, I was making dinner and I put on the, uh, the master.
51:58 Speaker 03 Yeah.
51:59 Speaker 04 And like, thirty minutes in, I was like, what are you saying? She's like, oh, I'm not watching.
52:05 Speaker 04 Alright, yeah.
52:06 Speaker 03 Yeah, it's funny, so, men and women in many ways, so incompatible and still really trying it.
52:12 Speaker 04 You know, what else are we gonna do?
52:14 Speaker 03 Well- Yeah, if you can, yeah.
52:17 Speaker 04 But what am I gonna do? I don't like you.
52:18 Speaker 03 You're in it, yeah, I know. I feel for you, dude.
52:20 Speaker 04 Yeah.
52:20 Speaker 03 I do think, uh, oh wait, what was I gonna say? It was about, um, about gay, oh, well, I've obviously reckoned with men not liking women for a long time because I grew up in the place I grew up in.
52:31 Speaker 04 Right.
52:32 Speaker 03 But really, truly, when, when Taylor Swift started going to a bunch of Chiefs games because she's dating Travis.
52:36 Speaker 04 Was that huge for you?
52:38 Speaker 03 Well, the reaction to it, I really like re-engaged with how much men don't like women because all these men, I'm like, to me, as a gay guy who loves football, I have one of the biggest struggles in my life. One of, by the way, we're all, we're out here, we're everywhere.
52:50 Speaker 04 Yeah.
52:51 Speaker 03 But I, I truly have such a, one of the biggest struggles in my life is trying to get the women in my life to care about it at all.
52:56 Speaker 04 Yeah.
52:57 Speaker 03 Like, so many of the women in my life don't care about football, and some do, but when Taylor came around, I was so excited because I was like, oh, the girls I love are now suddenly interested in football, this is gonna be so good for me to bridge my interests. And all these straight men were like, get that dumb bitch off the screen.
53:13 Speaker 04 Yeah.
53:13 Speaker 03 And I was like, you don't want to bond with your daughters over the thing you love, you idiot?
53:17 Speaker 04 No, they come here to specifically not do that.
53:19 Speaker 03 I just was like, wow, I forgot.
53:21 Speaker 04 They're like, that's why I'm over here.
53:23 Speaker 03 Yeah. I was like, whoa, that's crazy.
53:31 Speaker 03 They're like, oh yeah, that's the point. I'm like, what?
53:32 Speaker 04 Yeah, that's the whole thing. I, man, I wish I still loved football so much.
53:37 Speaker 03 You could come be a fan of my team if you want.
53:39 Speaker 04 No, I can't, I'm a Broncos fan.
53:40 Speaker 03 It's no worries. Well, then get back into them, and I think that they'll probably figure something out soon enough.
53:44 Speaker 04 Do you think that?
53:45 Speaker 03 Who'd they got, Bo Nix, is he still there?
53:46 Speaker 04 This sucks, this sucks right now.
53:48 Speaker 03 Yeah, I know.
53:49 Speaker 04 Because I do hate the Chiefs, just viscerally.
53:51 Speaker 03 Totally.
53:52 Speaker 04 And there were a lot of eras that I had to sit out, even though you guys had cool shit going on.
53:56 Speaker 03 Yeah.
53:57 Speaker 04 Dante Hall, that whole situation.
53:58 Speaker 03 I know, man.
53:59 Speaker 04 So cool.
54:00 Speaker 03 Tough not to be a fan.
54:01 Speaker 04 Tony Gonzalez, when I was a kid.
54:03 Speaker 03 All-time greatest.
54:03 Speaker 04 Yeah, but, oh yeah.
54:05 Speaker 03 You don't think he's the greatest tight end of all time?
54:06 Speaker 04 Shannon Sharp is the greatest tight end of all time.
54:09 Speaker 03 Tony Gonzalez is way better than Shannon Sharp, I feel.
54:11 Speaker 04 Numbers-wise, I don't think so.
54:13 Speaker 03 Isn't he statistically as well?
54:14 Speaker 04 How many yards does Tony Gonzalez have all time?
54:18 Speaker 03 Is Tony Gonzalez the all-time?
54:23 Speaker 03 We're gonna figure this out, we're gonna get to the bottom of this right now.
54:24 Speaker 04 He's so hot, too.
54:25 Speaker 03 Tony Gonzalez?
54:26 Speaker 04 It's fucked.
54:27 Speaker 03 He's not my type, but I find him a beautiful person.
54:29 Speaker 04 You don't think Tony Gonzalez is hot?
54:30 Speaker 03 I think he's attractive, but I don't go up for that. I don't go up, I'm not like, oh my god, Tony Gonzalez.
54:35 Speaker 04 He looks like he's on a telenovela.
54:36 Speaker 03 Yeah. What do we got, Chance?
54:38 Speaker 05 Uh, he is the NFL record holder for career receiving yards for a tight end and career reception.
54:44 Speaker 04 Uh, receptions for a tight end. Who's number two, Shannon Sharp? What's he bench right now?
54:51 Speaker 04 Cause Shannon's putting up 405.
54:53 Speaker 03 Number two might be, is Gronkowski somewhere up there?
54:58 Speaker 04 You know who I liked a lot was Todd Heap.
55:00 Speaker 03 I don't know who that is.
55:01 Speaker 04 He used to be a tight end for the Ravens.
55:03 Speaker 03 Yeah.
55:03 Speaker 04 Yeah, he was a good guy. That was back when I still, as I got, as I get older, I just, football, less and less. Was it, and it was like, I like cared about it.
55:12 Speaker 03 You never gonna come back, you think?
55:14 Speaker 04 I don't know, man. Not in the way, comedy really sucked all the sports out of my life. Like, I used to like, I lived and died by the Broncos, I lived and died by the Nuggets, that was like, my shit. I cared so much. I, in high school, I used to watch college football, I loved Christmas break when I could watch all the bowl games and shit.
55:33 Speaker 03 Yeah.
55:34 Speaker 04 And I think the further I, further I got away from playing.
55:37 Speaker 03 So two Chiefs in the top three, Tony Gonzalez and Travis.
55:39 Speaker 04 Oh, god damn.
55:41 Speaker 03 Shannon Sharp is number five?
55:42 Speaker 04 Five?
55:43 Speaker 03 And it's a big gulf between him and number four, by the way. Shannon Sharp is number five with nine, nine thousand nine hundred sixty receiving yards. Antonio Gates is number four with eleven thousand eight hundred.
55:54 Speaker 04 God, Gates was a cool piece of work, though.
55:56 Speaker 03 It's a big gulf there.
55:58 Speaker 04 Yeah.
55:59 Speaker 03 I'm sorry, dude, I'm so sorry.
56:01 Speaker 04 I think that I was just in Colorado and I was caught up in the wave, you know?
56:05 Speaker 03 Totally.
56:05 Speaker 04 It's just like the same way Tyrell Davis is gonna be the best running back to me.
56:10 Speaker 03 Yeah, absolutely.
56:10 Speaker 04 You know what I mean?
56:11 Speaker 03 This all makes sense to me. Hey, it's no worries, I'm surprised Jamel's not getting you into basketball at all, you guys aren't?
56:15 Speaker 04 I'm, I'm, I'm into basketball. I'm into basketball pretty well, cause the Nuggets are fun, and, but I'm not like.
56:22 Speaker 03 One of the only NBA, NBA games I've ever been to, Nuggets game.
56:24 Speaker 04 Really? Not the day that we, not, not that day?
56:28 Speaker 03 No. No, not that day. Couldn't get it together for that day.
56:32 Speaker 04 I was really glad when you said you didn't wanna go, cause I was like, I don't wanna sit in them little ice.
56:37 Speaker 03 Same.
56:37 Speaker 04 Yeah, cause we ran into that delightful man.
56:40 Speaker 03 We ran into like, this cool, David and I went out to lunch in Denver, and we, there was a guy sitting alone at a picnic table, real tall, older black guy, handsome dude.
56:47 Speaker 04 Yeah.
56:47 Speaker 03 And we were like, could we, do you mind if we sit over here? And he goes, go ahead, guys. We start chatting him up, he was a, he was a fun talker.
56:52 Speaker 04 Awesome, awesome. Some man.
56:54 Speaker 03 We were getting it. Go in it, yeah.
56:56 Speaker 04 Yeah.
56:57 Speaker 03 And then we find out he was like a player for, was it the Jazz?
56:59 Speaker 04 The Jazz, and he's an analyst now, and he was in town for the game that night.
57:03 Speaker 03 Yeah, he was cool.
57:04 Speaker 04 He was awesome.
57:04 Speaker 03 New to his Instagram, and his fits are crazy.
57:06 Speaker 04 Yeah, he was, he was a hot old dude.
57:08 Speaker 03 He's slick.
57:09 Speaker 04 Yeah, I really liked that guy.
57:10 Speaker 03 He was cool. Thurl, what was his name?
57:11 Speaker 04 Thurl Bailey, I believe.
57:13 Speaker 03 Thurl Bailey, he was cool as hell.
57:14 Speaker 04 His name was Thurl.
57:15 Speaker 03 Yeah, and he was-
57:16 Speaker 04 And he was pulling it off.
57:17 Speaker 03 Oh, he was sick.
57:18 Speaker 04 Cause like, Thurl could suck, I think.
57:20 Speaker 03 It's funny, cause we walked up and we saw him sitting there, and I think I said-
57:23 Speaker 04 It was like, I re-
57:24 Speaker 03 Looks like Kareem, he's like so tall.
57:26 Speaker 04 We were talking about Kareem and Veronica Marsh, in the car. We were talking about that.
57:31 Speaker 03 Yeah.
57:32 Speaker 04 And then we pulled up, and, cause we pulled up and I was like, that's like Kareem vibes.
57:35 Speaker 03 Looks like Kareem, yeah.
57:36 Speaker 04 Yeah, and then he was a professional athlete. Which never happens.
57:39 Speaker 03 How fun.
57:40 Speaker 04 You, I walked away from that day feeling like, that's like, just what happens to you.
57:48 Speaker 03 What do you mean?
57:48 Speaker 04 I just feel like, maybe you're a bit charmed in that way.
57:51 Speaker 03 Charmed, like, fun little, fun little things like that occur to me?
57:55 Speaker 04 Well, you know, some people are like, uh, some people are kinda just like, it's just how it is for them.
58:00 Speaker 03 I hate, I hate to, I, it is.
58:03 Speaker 04 Yeah.
58:04 Speaker 03 It is.
58:04 Speaker 04 That's okay.
58:05 Speaker 03 Charming little things do kind of happen to me. But I also wonder, it charm, do charming little things just happen to me? Or also, am I seeking out charming little things? Cause I really think I am.
58:15 Speaker 04 I think everybody is.
58:16 Speaker 03 Oh, you think everyone's seeking charming little things?
58:18 Speaker 04 Not everyone, but I think the people who do what we do are.
58:21 Speaker 03 Do they happen to you too?
58:22 Speaker 04 We need shit to talk about.
58:24 Speaker 03 We need experiences. We do need experiences.
58:26 Speaker 04 We're always looking for fun little anecdotes.
58:28 Speaker 03 I feel like you're finding them, right?
58:29 Speaker 04 Yeah, sometimes.
58:30 Speaker 03 Happening to you?
58:31 Speaker 04 I, I, I have had so much periods of chaos in my life, I'm pretty glad for it to be mad slow.
58:39 Speaker 03 Yeah.
58:39 Speaker 04 I like to be in the house, you know what I mean?
58:42 Speaker 03 Yeah.
58:42 Speaker 04 I like to get, I like to smoke one joint, dance to one Pebble song in a riot, and then I wanna go home. And then I wanna go home to the girls.
58:51 Speaker 03 Yeah.
58:51 Speaker 04 That's like.
58:52 Speaker 03 That's beautiful, dude.
58:53 Speaker 04 All my animals are women.
58:54 Speaker 03 That's really beautiful.
58:55 Speaker 04 Yeah.
58:56 Speaker 03 That's kinda how your life is set up.
58:58 Speaker 04 Yeah, I like it. I'm doing good.
59:00 Speaker 03 I think, yeah, I, I do, I, I, I do, you were saying something about when you were a kid that people would like to talk to you? Like strangers would like to talk to you? I don't know if you still have this, but strangers will say anything to me.
59:11 Speaker 04 Yeah.
59:12 Speaker 03 Like strangers come up to me. These two have seen it, it's crazy, like, any, I'll be doing, I'm not, I won't even be particularly acting friendly in a moment, like, I'm like, a downbeat on tour, like lugging bags or something, and someone out of nowhere will just be like, "Nice weather." I'm like, what, like, they, like, will come over.
59:27 Speaker 04 Brother, I'm in Century City Mall last night, me and Alana, we were just sitting there eating food, and some old crazy-looking man, like, his, his hair was like, it was, it was like, it was wind, like, wind-blown.
59:42 Speaker 03 Yeah.
59:43 Speaker 04 Like, he was like, wow.
59:44 Speaker 03 Yeah.
59:45 Speaker 04 Like Doc Brown.
59:46 Speaker 03 Yeah.
59:46 Speaker 04 And also died very blonde.
59:48 Speaker 03 Yeah.
59:48 Speaker 04 And he was just like, "Hey, you got good vibes, I'm seventy years old, you know what the key is to a great marriage? Just talking to me."
59:55 Speaker 03 Yeah.
59:55 Speaker 04 And that kinda thing happens to me a lot.
59:57 Speaker 03 But you do have great vibes, so I understand why he did that.
59:59 Speaker 04 But I wasn't doing anything.
1:00:00 Speaker 03 You don't have to, you have an emanating, you have an emanating radiance about your soul.
1:00:05 Speaker 04 I was drinking Chick-fil-A.
1:00:06 Speaker 03 I, but it's there. I just the other night saw a woman fall down.
1:00:12 Speaker 04 Strong open.
1:00:13 Speaker 03 Saw a woman, I was walking with my boyfriend, I saw a woman fall down in New York City, and I left him over there and I ran to help her, and I said, I said, "Hey, how are you? I'm so sorry, I, I saw that, are you okay?" She felt, she tumbled hard.
1:00:26 Speaker 04 Yeah.
1:00:26 Speaker 03 And immediately, she looked, when I locked eyes with her, I said, "This woman has an incredible soul." She's like a beautiful human being, like, I could feel it, just immediately, just from looking in her eyes.
1:00:34 Speaker 04 I love that.
1:00:35 Speaker 03 And I'm dead serious, and then we had a beautiful connection, we talked for a minute, and the rest of the night I was being a little weird to my boyfriend, cause I couldn't stop talking about, we're like in bed, and I'm like, "Man, I miss that woman."
1:00:45 Speaker 04 Okay, two things.
1:00:46 Speaker 03 But you have that.
1:00:47 Speaker 04 Similar, when we were driving home from the mall, I was like, I don't know how to explain it, I think that was divine.
1:00:53 Speaker 03 Yes, I'm telling you.
1:00:55 Speaker 04 Cause he was, the guy was also like, he was like, "You know one rule I have? Don't be tight, spend it." And I've been like. I've been like weirdly tight on mu- just like, I think the idea of getting married all of a sudden put money in perspective in a way where it was like, money was only a thing that I needed for next week or whatever and now you're like, I have to build a life so I've been like nervous about it. And then he said that and I was like, you know what? You're right, brother. Second of all, boyfriend, how's that going?
1:01:21 Speaker 03 It's good.
1:01:22 Speaker 04 Yeah?
1:01:22 Speaker 03 It's good, yeah.
1:01:24 Speaker 04 You wanna show me a picture? Maybe I'll react better than you did to my cat?
1:01:27 Speaker 03 Well, you have to because he might watch this.
1:01:30 Speaker 04 Yeah, she might watch this.
1:01:32 Speaker 03 Your cat's gonna tune in?
1:01:33 Speaker 04 He's the biggest fan.
1:01:34 Speaker 03 Alana would never allow that.
1:01:40 Speaker 03 I gotta find a picture of, uh, do you wanna see us together or you just wanna see him?
1:01:43 Speaker 04 Yeah, I wanna see, I wanna see together. I wanna see the light in the eyes.
1:01:47 Speaker 03 Oh, this is us, uh... Well, wait, I wanna just show you this.
1:01:52 Speaker 04 This is gonna be cool, eh, he's beautiful? God damn!
1:01:59 Speaker 04 Whoa, he could play, he could play anything.
1:02:03 Speaker 03 He's beautiful, but he's really mean to me.
1:02:06 Speaker 04 Is that what you're looking for?
1:02:07 Speaker 03 He treats me bad. Yeah, he's not, ask, ask these two, he treats me bad. He's toxic. No, no, he's, he's a total, he's a total sweetheart. He's like the nicest guy I've ever dated.
1:02:18 Speaker 04 He's got like, he's got like the type of tattoos that mean he's well, well-traveled.
1:02:26 Speaker 04 You know what I'm saying? Like, he's got like,
1:02:29 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:02:29 Speaker 04 Like, not in an asshole way, though, in a cool way. Oh my god. He's reading a book on the beach?
1:02:35 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:02:36 Speaker 04 Brother, I'll tell you, that book never gets read when I go to the beach. I bring it every time, though.
1:02:41 Speaker 03 Yeah, it's going good. We like that guy.
1:02:42 Speaker 04 Good, good, good. He, do you guys cohabitate or like?
1:02:46 Speaker 03 Uh, no, no.
1:02:47 Speaker 04 Different cities?
1:02:48 Speaker 03 We, no, we, he, he, we live, uh, both in Brooklyn.
1:02:50 Speaker 04 Okay.
1:02:51 Speaker 03 But I, it's funny, cause I'm gone all the time and he travels quite a bit for work and like for friend stuff, like he's always at some birthday party in some other state.
1:02:59 Speaker 04 That's a whole country, I assume.
1:03:01 Speaker 03 Whole country, as the case may be, um... He's traveling. And it's, yeah, it's funny trying to make it all work, you know?
1:03:08 Speaker 04 Yeah, but that's great.
1:03:09 Speaker 03 Yeah, it's nice.
1:03:10 Speaker 04 Good for you.
1:03:11 Speaker 03 It's nice, thanks, dude.
1:03:12 Speaker 04 You seem like, uh, you seem like you would be... I would imagine if you're just fucking, you could be a bit of a fuckboy, but I bet as a partner, you're amazing, is what I'm thinking.
1:03:22 Speaker 03 Wow, you clocked my...
1:03:25 Speaker 03 Chanting for Junior are shaking their heads violently. Violently over there.
1:03:30 Speaker 04 Well, cuz that's, I mean, I think it's, I have the same thing.
1:03:34 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:03:34 Speaker 04 It's just like, you got so much charm, that like, if it's not, if it's just oozing out, then you're not really paying attention to who's getting it and who's not.
1:03:44 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:03:44 Speaker 04 Like, like, I, yeah, sometimes it's hard to focus that.
1:03:48 Speaker 03 I had a lot of fun fucking around. That, that was an era, for sure.
1:03:51 Speaker 04 Yeah.
1:03:51 Speaker 03 But I'm, yeah, I, I'm enjoying, uh, I'm enjoying being in a relationship. It's nice.
1:03:56 Speaker 04 That's good. Good for you.
1:03:57 Speaker 03 Yeah. I don't talk about it very much. I, I really do wanna keep, I, I wanna keep some things like private, you know?
1:04:03 Speaker 04 Yeah.
1:04:04 Speaker 03 I feel like my life is so not private. I share everything.
1:04:07 Speaker 04 Yeah.
1:04:07 Speaker 03 That I've been really slow to talk about romance, multiple times throughout my career.
1:04:12 Speaker 04 Same.
1:04:13 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:04:13 Speaker 04 Same. Even, I just talk about, cuz we're engaged now, so it's like, I feel like it comes up a lot more.
1:04:18 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:04:18 Speaker 04 But before that, not too much. Because it's also like, they want, everybody wants everything to be for sale now, and it's like, I ain't, I ain't going.
1:04:26 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:04:26 Speaker 04 You know what I mean?
1:04:27 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:04:28 Speaker 04 And I don't want it to be like, my thing is my thing. I don't want her to have to be a, in a, you know what I mean?
1:04:33 Speaker 03 Right.
1:04:34 Speaker 04 I don't wanna have to, her to have to feel like she's a character in this weird.
1:04:37 Speaker 03 It's like a show that I'm building.
1:04:38 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah, yeah, because we all think that way as entertainers.
1:04:42 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:04:42 Speaker 04 And it's like, yeah, you gotta let, let her shit be her shit, or his shit be his shit.
1:04:46 Speaker 03 I distinctly have not, I've not talked about him on stage. I've not talked about him much on here, and I.
1:04:51 Speaker 04 Well, that's coming. That.
1:04:52 Speaker 03 I know, but it's unavoidable. It's unavoidable cuz it's your life.
1:04:55 Speaker 04 Yeah, I, I avoided it for a really long time.
1:04:58 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:04:59 Speaker 04 And then, but after a while, you're just like, it's too big of a part to not.
1:05:04 Speaker 03 I know.
1:05:04 Speaker 04 And we don't have kids, you know, so what am I gonna talk about?
1:05:07 Speaker 03 That's, yeah, that's tough, though, because it's like.
1:05:08 Speaker 04 And now I can't talk about dating is weird anymore.
1:05:11 Speaker 03 Well, you lose this whole big chunk of, when you're not dating, I got really, I, I had to really process that one of my big fears of being in a relationship, I have many cuz I have commitment issues, which is several people's fault, my mom's, dad, and then mine, but.
1:05:22 Speaker 04 You're also so charming, I feel like, or you're so, I feel like when, sometimes when people are so outgoing, the idea of committing feels like. I feel like if you're very successful socially, the idea of committing to one thing seems like, but what am I leaving on the table?
1:05:36 Speaker 03 Yeah, well, it's scary, cause I'm like, I also liked, I like dating. I think it's fun to like,
1:05:41 Speaker 04 Yeah.
1:05:41 Speaker 03 I like the rush of like, meeting someone new and having a good time and getting to know them and getting, you know. But one of my big, one of my big fears that is so, sounds so irrational and crazy is about getting in a relationship is like, oh, I'm gonna lose all my dating material. All those like fun experiences I was having that were building, you know?
1:05:56 Speaker 04 Dude, man, that shit is so real. I, I, I, I, like, I tell Alana all the time, I'm like, man, just don't let me end up being a dad comic, bro. Like, it's gonna happen at some point, I'm gonna have to talk about it, but I don't wanna, I've seen that take out a lot of people I thought were great.
1:06:14 Speaker 03 Yeah. And then all the- The kids say the darnedest things.
1:06:17 Speaker 04 Yeah, all of a sudden, now you're just talking about that, and then the whole brand is that, and it's like, you used to talk about Coke.
1:06:23 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:06:24 Speaker 04 And that was cool.
1:06:25 Speaker 03 We're missing him.
1:06:25 Speaker 04 Yeah, I miss the Coke talk a little bit.
1:06:27 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:06:28 Speaker 04 You know?
1:06:28 Speaker 03 Yeah, I think that'll be a really intentional, like, when you have kids or when I have kids, like, because we feel that way, I think a really intentional thing will be like, making sure, I already feel right now, just because I've been working so much and filming things that like, I'm like trying, I'm like going like, go have, please go have an experience.
1:06:43 Speaker 04 Yeah.
1:06:43 Speaker 03 I wanna be more intentional about like going and doing shit that's out of my comfort zone, so that I'm living a fucking life for me, but also for, so I have something to talk about.
1:06:51 Speaker 04 Well, and you know what I've found is like, I was like, for a long time, I was really committed to that in the way of doing crazy shit.
1:06:57 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:06:58 Speaker 04 You know what I mean?
1:06:59 Speaker 03 Destructive stuff, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:07:00 Speaker 04 Or not even destructive, just not wild, you know what I mean? Like, so I could get on stage, because I wasn't living a real life, my shit had to be hyped.
1:07:09 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:07:09 Speaker 04 Cause I couldn't get on stage and be like, oh, depression's tough to battle with, so I'd be like, you ever do mushrooms under the Golden Gate Bridge on a Wednesday? You know what I'm saying? Like, I had to really like, go out there.
1:07:20 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:07:20 Speaker 04 And that was like the way I was living intentionally because I wasn't maybe doing the normal stuff, but now it's like, my tweeters are blown, bro.
1:07:27 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:07:27 Speaker 04 She's, I've done too much exciting stuff, let me, keep me in the house.
1:07:31 Speaker 03 You're like I'm at home.
1:07:31 Speaker 04 Yeah, I'm like, I'm having fun with you, I'm really excited, cause after this, I'm gonna go watch Francis Tiafoe play tennis with Jamelle, and that's like,
1:07:39 Speaker 03 Hell, yeah.
1:07:39 Speaker 04 My day.
1:07:40 Speaker 03 I love that day.
1:07:41 Speaker 04 We gotta go to San Pedro and pick up some bar stools.
1:07:43 Speaker 03 I love that day. David, what's so true to you?
1:07:48 Speaker 04 Oh, man, I'm not ready, uh.
1:07:53 Speaker 04 If you don't spend the time getting to know yourself, life is gonna prove it to you in a hard way.
1:07:59 Speaker 03 Ooh.
1:08:00 Speaker 04 I think that's really true. I think that I spent a lot of time maybe putting qualities that I thought I wanted myself to have and things like priorities that I thought I wanted to have on myself and then I wasn't that guy. And then you just keep bumping up to a difficult wall, but then you know, you just take the time to really sit and be like, what do I want? What do I think? It makes everything so much easier, man.
1:08:23 Speaker 03 Yeah, that's really, really good advice.
1:08:26 Speaker 04 Thank you.
1:08:26 Speaker 03 Really interesting. David, I, well, you know, I think you're brilliant.
1:08:30 Speaker 04 Yeah, I love you.
1:08:30 Speaker 03 I just love talking to you, dude.
1:08:31 Speaker 04 This is so good.
1:08:32 Speaker 03 And guess what? You were not even done yet, because I got a segment for you.
1:08:34 Speaker 04 Oh, is this the money thing?
1:08:36 Speaker 03 Baby.
1:08:37 Speaker 04 The Moneyball?
1:08:37 Speaker 03 Baby.
1:08:38 Speaker 04 Okay, let's go. I feel like I, I've played along with some of these. I feel...
1:08:41 Speaker 03 You feel ready?
1:08:42 Speaker 04 I feel okay, because what do I gotta get, 10?
1:08:45 Speaker 03 You have to get 10 out of 15. I'm gonna read you 15 statements. You're gonna tell me as quickly as you can if what I just said was true or false.
1:08:50 Speaker 04 Okay.
1:08:50 Speaker 03 If you get 10 or more correct, David, we're gonna give you 50 US dollars.
1:08:53 Speaker 04 Cash?
1:08:53 Speaker 03 Cash.
1:08:54 Speaker 04 Ooh, I never had...
1:08:55 Speaker 03 It'll be like, it'll be probably, um, wire.
1:08:59 Speaker 04 Oh.
1:08:59 Speaker 03 Is that chain links for you?
1:09:01 Speaker 04 I'm not on MoneyGram anymore for personal reasons.
1:09:04 Speaker 03 Okay, we'll, we'll find a way. We can get it. We'll get, we'll get it to you.
1:09:07 Speaker 04 Okay, cool.
1:09:07 Speaker 03 Okay?
1:09:08 Speaker 04 Chance got it, right?
1:09:08 Speaker 03 You ready?
1:09:11 Speaker 03 You ready?
1:09:12 Speaker 04 I'm ready.
1:09:12 Speaker 03 All right. Fortnite was, Fortnite was released in 2017.
1:09:16 Speaker 04 True.
1:09:17 Speaker 03 True. AB negative is the rarest blood type.
1:09:19 Speaker 04 True.
1:09:19 Speaker 03 True. The Colorado Rockies have won two World Series championships.
1:09:22 Speaker 04 False.
1:09:23 Speaker 03 False. They've won?
1:09:24 Speaker 04 None.
1:09:24 Speaker 03 Zero. Women first competed in the Olympics in 1964.
1:09:29 Speaker 04 True.
1:09:29 Speaker 03 False, 1900. William Henry Harrison was only president for 31 days.
1:09:34 Speaker 04 True.
1:09:35 Speaker 03 True. Radiohead is from Australia.
1:09:38 Speaker 04 False.
1:09:38 Speaker 03 False, England. Pike's Peak had a ski resort up until 1984.
1:09:43 Speaker 04 False.
1:09:44 Speaker 03 True. It takes sunlight 8 minutes and 20 seconds to travel from the sun to the earth.
1:09:48 Speaker 04 False.
1:09:49 Speaker 03 True.
1:09:49 Speaker 04 Fuck.
1:09:50 Speaker 03 Wesley Snipes has played Blade in three movies.
1:09:54 Speaker 04 True.
1:09:54 Speaker 03 Four. False, four.
1:09:55 Speaker 04 Four. Fuck! I only got one more.
1:09:58 Speaker 03 We have never found dinosaur fossils in Antarctica.
1:10:01 Speaker 04 False.
1:10:02 Speaker 03 False, we have. Nintendo was founded in 1889.
1:10:05 Speaker 04 True.
1:10:05 Speaker 03 True. Lady Gaga owns a $50,000 ghost radar.
1:10:10 Speaker 04 Use ghost radar, uh, radar in a sentence.
1:10:13 Speaker 03 I need to see a ghost. Does anyone have my ghost radar?
1:10:17 Speaker 04 True.
1:10:18 Speaker 03 True. Caramel never expires.
1:10:20 Speaker 04 True.
1:10:21 Speaker 03 False.
1:10:21 Speaker 04 Fuck!
1:10:25 Speaker 03 Stone Cold Steve Austin was born in California.
1:10:27 Speaker 04 True.
1:10:27 Speaker 03 False. Texas. Owls are mammals.
1:10:30 Speaker 04 True.
1:10:31 Speaker 03 False. Birds.
1:10:32 Speaker 04 I hate it.
1:10:32 Speaker 03 You blew it at the end, dude. That was the thing.
1:10:35 Speaker 04 I fell apart. You know what?
1:10:35 Speaker 03 You crumbled.
1:10:36 Speaker 04 You know what happened is I lost the Pike's Peak, the Colorado thing, and then I just, I just, uh... I just fell apart, man. I didn't keep my eye on the ball.
1:10:46 Speaker 04 You know what I mean? We trained for these type of situations and...
1:10:49 Speaker 03 These are the moments where we have to be great.
1:10:50 Speaker 04 Mm-hmm.
1:10:51 Speaker 03 And you have to love it.
1:10:52 Speaker 04 Yeah, and it's on me.
1:10:53 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:10:53 Speaker 04 I'm gonna go home. Uh, I'm not gonna blame the coaching staff. I think they did a great job getting me prepared. And, uh, you know, at the end of the day, I just love this team, man. I love these guys.
1:11:03 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:11:04 Speaker 04 And, uh, it's a pleasure to play on the big stage.
1:11:06 Speaker 03 Yeah. Any regrets? Anything you'd do different, or?
1:11:09 Speaker 04 Probably those last four questions.
1:11:15 Speaker 04 That shit probably would've gone a little differently.
1:11:17 Speaker 03 David, we love you, dude. Thanks for coming on.
1:11:19 Speaker 04 Love you, man. This is so fun.
1:11:20 Speaker 03 Thanks for doing it. You're welcome here anytime.
1:11:22 Speaker 04 Thank you.
1:11:23 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:11:23 Speaker 04 Come back on mine.
1:11:24 Speaker 03 I'm dying to.
1:11:25 Speaker 04 The white one, not the black one.
1:11:27 Speaker 03 Sean and I, yeah. But come on, man.
1:11:30 Speaker 04 Brother, we just can't, we, we...
1:11:34 Speaker 03 Didn't you guys have Will Ferrell on? He's like the whitest guy there is.
1:11:38 Speaker 04 Yeah, he owns the network.
1:11:39 Speaker 03 Well, come on, man.
1:11:44 Speaker 03 Well, tell me where they can find you. I'm pissed now. You can't have on white guys, but Will Ferrell gets to come on?
1:11:51 Speaker 04 Will Ferrell!
1:11:52 Speaker 03 He's fucking elf.
1:11:53 Speaker 04 Caleb, you're amazing. It's Will Ferrell.
1:11:55 Speaker 03 He's elf.
1:11:56 Speaker 04 You gotta bend the knee to Will Ferrell.
1:11:58 Speaker 03 The whitest thing you can be is elf. And I don't get to come on.
1:12:01 Speaker 04 I think that's true. I think that is true. I like, you said it, and I wanted to push back, but no, I think that is true.
1:12:08 Speaker 03 The whitest thing you can be is elf.
1:12:09 Speaker 04 Is, is, yeah. That movie, it was funny.
1:12:12 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:12:12 Speaker 04 I think that black people probably fuck with Elf Tough.
1:12:15 Speaker 03 I would, I don't know, but I just think I should get to come on the show. I want you to at least talk to...
1:12:20 Speaker 04 I'll talk to Langston.
1:12:20 Speaker 03 Talk to Langston, talk to the producers. I'm a big Langston fan as well.
1:12:24 Speaker 04 Are you gonna do a show trade? Is that what this is?
1:12:26 Speaker 03 You want Langston to come on here?
1:12:27 Speaker 04 Yeah.
1:12:27 Speaker 03 Langston could come on here.
1:12:30 Speaker 03 I like Langston, he's more than welcome on the show. Langston, come on the show.
1:12:34 Speaker 04 You heard it. Uh, no, uh, yeah. Cool Guy Joke City 7 on Instagram?
1:12:37 Speaker 03 Yes, sir.
1:12:38 Speaker 04 Oh, I have a special that I self-produced, but then 800-pound gorilla licensed it. So September 29th, it's going to be on YouTube. It's called Birth of a Nation with a G. It's very funny. I didn't get any press because I released it privately, didn't know about that.
1:12:53 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:12:54 Speaker 04 But now go watch it.
1:12:55 Speaker 03 Run it up.
1:12:55 Speaker 04 I'd really like you. And my mama told me podcasts, all fantasy, everything.
1:12:59 Speaker 03 Oh, yeah. Yeah. And, uh, really, really, really, go watch David's special.
1:13:03 Speaker 04 Please do.
1:13:03 Speaker 03 Um, that fucking rocks. You're one of the funniest stand-ups I know.
1:13:05 Speaker 04 Oh, thank you.
1:13:06 Speaker 03 So I can't wait to see it.
1:13:07 Speaker 04 You too. You kill, man.
1:13:08 Speaker 03 Thanks, dude. I love you. Thanks for doing it.
1:13:10 Speaker 01 That was a HeadGum Podcast.
1:13:14 Speaker 01 Let's be honest, you don't go to the holiday gift exchange just to participate. You go to win. This year, cause a stir. Gift a KitchenAid stand mixer to whip up new traditions. 'Tis your season to mix it up.
1:13:30 Speaker 00 At Peloton, sometimes thinking big means thinking small. Introducing the new Peloton Tread Flex. Our first foldable and movable tread that's just about three feet stowed, so you can roll it away. With an ultra-quiet and comfortable belt that whispers while you run. Made to fit however you move, and fit to move wherever you like. Let yourself run. Peloton. Explore Peloton Tread Flex at onepeloton.com.
1:13:58 Speaker 06 In this life, you can't win. When the world gets you down. No! Escape to Pluto TV. This is objectively fantastic. Relax into the movies and shows you already know and love, all for free. Shwing! Even our news is uplifting. You stay classy, San Diego. Watch School of Rock, Crazy Ex Girlfriend, Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy, The X-Files, Wayne's World, and so much more. We're not worthy! The best things on TV really are free. You just have to know where to look. Escape to Pluto TV. Stream now, pay never.
Previous Ali Macofsky Loves Corporations Next Caitie Delaney Slept in a Coffin Page updated November 1, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated