Liza Treyger Returns Again

Welcome! This week we once again welcome back the hilarious Liza Treyger! Liza and Caleb talk apartment horror stories, World Cup/Knicks summer, Taylor Swift’s wedding guest list, Backgammon, and much more! Join our Substack for ad free full episodes, early access to merch, our community chat, and more! https://calebsaysthings.substack.com/ Follow Liza! @glittercheese Follow the show! @sooootruepod Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloud Visit https://hin.ge/SoTruewithCalebHearon to download Hinge today! Visit https://Quince.com/sotrue for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. Book your next trip at Booking.com. Book today on the site or in the app. Go to https://www.squarespace.com/SOTRUE to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code SOTRUE. Download the Bilt app and join the membership for where you live, at https://joinbilt.com/sotrue. To find delicious recipes and learn more about the antioxidant goodness of POM Wonderful, please go to https://pomwonderful.com So True with Caleb Hearon is edited and engineered by Nicole Lyons. Our social media manager is Anna Weis. All episodes are filmed in The So Trudio at Legitimate Business World Headquarters in Brooklyn, New York. A Wave series. https://wavesportsandentertainment.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:59Speaker 00

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• 1:32Speaker 00

  Oh my God, I was just talking to someone, I wish I remembered who it was, but they had to say like, no 15 times. I was like, no, I'm having this, and they kept being like, well, that's okay, I'll just do this. And they're like, oh, no, like, they had to say it like four times.

• 1:42Speaker 02

  I'm so sorry, I don't understand what you're saying.

• 1:44Speaker 00

  I honestly, I started saying it and then I realized, I don't remember any of the details.

• 1:56Speaker 00

  We're not talking shit. If it's your behavior and I'm discussing your behavior. That's a Miley Cyrus quote.

• 2:02Speaker 02

  Put that in the episode.

• 2:04Speaker 02

  Lisa, mic down. We're not talking shit. If it's your behavior and I'm discussing your behavior.

• 2:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, like, if you fucked with my piece, why can't I tell people what you did?

• 2:13Speaker 02

  Absolutely.

• 2:13Speaker 00

  To protect you? I don't think so. You wronged me, I'll tell everybody.

• 2:16Speaker 02

  We can tell the truth about what people do, no worries.

• 2:18Speaker 00

  I'm telling everybody.

• 2:20Speaker 02

  You really are.

• 2:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, I can't shut up and I cause problems all the time. I definitely caused a confrontation yesterday. And I was like, should I have not relayed the mess? But how do you not?

• 2:30Speaker 02

  How do you not cause a confrontation?

• 2:32Speaker 00

  How do you not let someone know, like, this person was, you know?

• 2:36Speaker 02

  Oh, you relate.

• 2:36Speaker 00

  Trying to embarrass you and I didn't like it.

• 2:38Speaker 02

  You relate to a friend that the shit was being talked to.

• 2:39Speaker 00

  Well, then I told my friend, I go, I feel so bad. I don't feel like I stood up for you enough. And then our other third friend went, um, no, I don't think you need to worry about that. The boundaries were set. But I don't know, I don't know, we're all, we're all trying our best.

• 2:54Speaker 02

  We are all trying our best. That's a beautiful perspective, Lisa.

• 2:57Speaker 00

  But some people are, and some people's best isn't good enough.

• 3:00Speaker 02

  That's true.

• 3:00Speaker 00

  And that's the thing, too.

• 3:01Speaker 02

  That's completely true.

• 3:02Speaker 00

  Some people go try, yeah, because I used to play basketball and I tried really hard.

• 3:07Speaker 02

  What, what position?

• 3:08Speaker 00

  Well, so junior high, I played on four separate teams. And then when I was point guard, I knew it was gonna be a bad team.

• 3:13Speaker 02

  Yeah. When they said, we need you to be point guard, you said, this team's not gonna work. This is a failed project.

• 3:17Speaker 00

  Like, I don't even know if we're gonna get double digits today.

• 3:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:20Speaker 00

  It was tough. But I would play the three.

• 3:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, nice.

• 3:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 3:24Speaker 02

  I, uh, I don't know why, but you talking about needing to be the point guard made me think of the fact that I've been watching this, um, six-part, uh, series on the founding fathers.

• 3:33Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 3:34Speaker 02

  Boy, there was a lot of stuff I didn't know about what was going on.

• 3:37Speaker 00

  Like what?

• 3:38Speaker 02

  There was, one of the guys at the Constitutional Congress, he was, I forget his name, but he had a peg leg and he was like a playboy. And like, the big rumor about him was that allegedly he lost his leg in a carriage accident. But the rumor his whole life was that he actually lost his leg jumping out of a window because a woman's husband came home that he was sleeping with. And like, apparently, all the women were crazy for this peg leg guy. I also learned, by the way, that Benjamin Franklin, when we sent him to Paris to try and get the French to fight the British with us.

• 4:05Speaker 00

  For sure.

• 4:06Speaker 02

  Which makes a lot of sense.

• 4:07Speaker 00

  No, I remember that.

• 4:08Speaker 02

  When we sent him to Paris, I guess he was like, a total ladies' man and everyone loved Ben Frank.

• 4:14Speaker 00

  You know, obviously the founding fathers were getting fucked. Like, you don't have the confidence to found a nation if you're not getting it in.

• 4:19Speaker 02

  Also, just imagine that you're like, a young French woman and this like revolutionary guy from America comes to town who's like, stately and like speaks other languages, and by the way, is like actively fucking over the British, who you hate. I bet it was so hot.

• 4:35Speaker 00

  And I think he was tall.

• 4:36Speaker 02

  They called him mon cherie papa.

• 4:41Speaker 02

  They loved him.

• 4:42Speaker 00

  Mon cherie papa. I like that.

• 4:45Speaker 02

  Then I went down a Google hole and I learned that there was a musical about Benjamin Franklin going to Paris called, uh, Benjamin Franklin Goes to Paris. And there's a-

• 4:53Speaker 00

  Where are you watching this on?

• 4:54Speaker 02

  Netflix.

• 4:55Speaker 00

  Okay, cool, cool, cool.

• 4:56Speaker 02

  Netflix, shout out. Um, shout out Netflix, saying Little Brother with John Cena and Eric Andre. Thank you guys, go watch. Number one on Netflix for a very long time, thank you.

• 5:03Speaker 00

  I auditioned for a few roles.

• 5:05Speaker 02

  Did you? Which ones?

• 5:05Speaker 00

  Um-

• 5:06Speaker 02

  Mia, of course.

• 5:07Speaker 00

  Yeah, the, yeah, the girl that, the love interest and then the nurse that gets fucked, or fucks.

• 5:12Speaker 02

  The nurse. Oh, yeah.

• 5:13Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 5:14Speaker 02

  Wow, yeah.

• 5:14Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 5:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:15Speaker 00

  Because they call, I hate when they call to double check and they go, are you fine with nudity? And I went, absolutely.

• 5:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:21Speaker 00

  And then I had another audition where they're like, are you, because it was a botox injector and they call and they're like, are you okay with needles? I go, for sure. Like, they get, like, I wish they didn't ask follow-up questions.

• 5:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. They go, just to make sure you're free on Tuesday, you need to love $3,000?

• 5:32Speaker 00

  Yeah, and I'm like, oh my God, yes.

• 5:34Speaker 02

  And you go, yes to both, and they go, okay, cool.

• 5:35Speaker 00

  Like, fuck.

• 5:37Speaker 02

  Uh, yeah, weren't you just sending nudes to the team?

• 5:40Speaker 00

  Well, shh, yeah.

• 5:41Speaker 02

  Oh, sorry, we're not supposed to. Sorry. Sorry, we'll bleep that.

• 5:45Speaker 00

  We'll bleep it, but, yeah, I'm gonna be in-

• 5:47Speaker 02

  You were sending nudes to a TV producer.

• 5:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. They picked me, I'm gonna be in this TV show, um, uncredited and not paid, but my photos.

• 6:00Speaker 00

  But I'm gonna be in the fandom and hopefully I can rile up when the season comes out enough, um, commotion that they'll maybe write me in for the next one. Because I know they're picked up for two more.

• 6:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, hell yeah.

• 6:09Speaker 00

  Um, but, yeah, and then they also like, yeah, they sent over panties I had to do some stuff with, a PA picked them up. It was like, really.

• 6:17Speaker 02

  You had to do some stuff with some panties?

• 6:19Speaker 00

  Yeah, but I was so creative. It was like, good, because-

• 6:23Speaker 02

  What did you creatively do with the panties?

• 6:25Speaker 00

  I, I took photos, because I didn't want to wear them, but I wanted, like, if someone's gonna sniff panties, they should be felt like they've been used.

• 6:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:34Speaker 00

  And so I kind of like put my legs in the air and had them like on my legs a little bit, but I have bruised knees at the moment, so it looks kinda hot. You know what I mean?

• 6:44Speaker 02

  Why do you have bruised knees at the moment?

• 6:45Speaker 00

  I'm in the streets.

• 6:46Speaker 02

  Lisa.

• 6:47Speaker 00

  I'm in the streets.

• 6:48Speaker 02

  Do you have bruised knees from giving head?

• 6:49Speaker 00

  Um, well, I also like, well, you know, I was crawling up the apartment stairs and my building super caught me. No, but I've also just been being injured. I hit like, uh, the, sometimes I'm so excited to get into SoulCycle that I'll like, hit something, like, I'll hit my knees on the pedals and stuff, like, I'll like rush in there to get my weights and I'll hit, I'll, I, yeah, I like hit my knees.

• 7:10Speaker 02

  There's so much to talk about.

• 7:12Speaker 00

  But a few summers ago, I fell a lot, but yeah.

• 7:14Speaker 02

  A few summers ago is not the thing that's to talk about. You texted me recently and said, okay, first of all, let's just talk about what's occurred with you.

• 7:21Speaker 00

  Okay, so heated rivalry changed my life and we all know this.

• 7:24Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 7:24Speaker 00

  And it inspired me in many ways. Um, I started reading, um, I started-

• 7:29Speaker 02

  Gotta be one of the craziest results, yeah.

• 7:31Speaker 00

  I started Russian lessons, just enrichment, um, trying to get out there, flirt, like, break free from my, whatever was holding me back from intimacy. Like, I really hadn't been hooking up in like years, I would say.

• 7:43Speaker 02

  And I want to say, by the way, our whole friendship, this is something we've been talking about, working on, thinking through, strategizing about.

• 7:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 7:49Speaker 02

  And then a couple of weeks ago, I took you and our friend AJ.

• 7:53Speaker 00

  AJ, yes.

• 7:53Speaker 02

  AJ Marquin, friend of the pod, to dinner.

• 7:56Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm.

• 7:56Speaker 02

  And at that dinner, you were unfucked. You were like, I've not fucked, I haven't fucked in years, whatever.

• 8:02Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:02Speaker 02

  And then since that dinner.

• 8:04Speaker 00

  I've, I've hooked up with, uh, well, I went on one date that didn't end in anything, but I've hooked up now five times in like, a week, in a month, in a month. Yeah, yeah.

• 8:14Speaker 00

  And not all from the internet. And, um, one person in Minnesota, just from the streets.

• 8:23Speaker 00

  But I was, I'm trying to make more eye contact. I was working on that in hypnotherapy. And so I was, I was at a bar making eye contact with a guy and then he, and then he started walking, I thought he was walking over to me, and then he walked right out of the bar.

• 8:35Speaker 00

  But rejection shouldn't matter, you know, like, that's part of everything. I think I had like fears with that. So I've just been putting myself out there. I stopped smoking weed all day, every day, which kind of opened me up to the world in a better way, I think.

• 8:47Speaker 02

  You haven't really been smoking weed in the sunlight, which I'm loving.

• 8:49Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 8:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:50Speaker 00

  I wake up, like, uh, because I'll land from a trip and be like, wait, I would have been stoned this whole flight. I didn't even think about it. I would have smoked before I got into the Uber, like, I, like, I just, I keep remembering, because sometimes I do like hit the, like, a joint at the end of the night. And then I still have to appreciate the growth, because I'm like, I would be thinking about weed all day, every day.

• 9:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, so, um, yeah, I've been having sex, I've been, um, going out, and then of course, World Cup fever, um, which you're upset about.

• 9:19Speaker 02

  Before we get into World Cup, because I'm, this is starting to ruin our relationship.

• 9:22Speaker 00

  But it's almost done, but-

• 9:23Speaker 02

  It needs to stop. I, I'm like, I, like, your lust for life, like, gets to a point, your lust for life is so beautiful to me and I love it about you. And then there'll be like a random three-week period where you're obsessed with something that's ruining my life.

• 9:35Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 9:35Speaker 02

  Because I can't see you because you're like, Caleb, I'm so sorry, there's like, uh, there's a Czech, Czechoslovakian like slinky tournament that I've been following. And so I, I can only hang out from 7:00 PM to 8:00 PM.

• 9:44Speaker 00

  I am going to Monte Carlo at the end of the month.

• 9:46Speaker 02

  For what?

• 9:47Speaker 00

  I'm playing in the World Championships of backgammon, in the intermediate and women's division. I have a lesson with the grandmaster this week. He sent me the book, the, you know, he owns the tournament, so he is waiving the fees.

• 10:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:00Speaker 00

  Because he wants me there.

• 10:06Speaker 00

  It's another job. My agents are like, can you just find a job that's gonna pay? Cause I'm not getting paid for this, but I-

• 10:11Speaker 02

  I wouldn't call it a job even.

• 10:13Speaker 00

  We're, I'm good, we're gonna record some stuff, but yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause we're hopefully gonna make, uh, we're gonna do a short and then hopefully get funding to do a full-length feature doc of me getting ready for the next year's world championships.

• 10:24Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 10:25Speaker 00

  But I've been playing backgammon my whole life.

• 10:27Speaker 02

  Okay, I didn't know that.

• 10:28Speaker 00

  Oh yeah, I've been playing my whole life, uh, but I'm mostly just in the home. And then I've been going to a couple of club nights and then there's a backgammon bar I still haven't hu- like hit up, but I think I might find true love there. And then I've been playing online. But I was watching soccer alone Friday night at a bar and the girl had a backgammon set in her purse.

• 10:45Speaker 02

  Oh my god.

• 10:46Speaker 00

  Talked a big game, but I obviously beat her immediately, um, three zero, like in one round, like, and then I was like, do you wanna play again? And she said no and put it away.

• 10:57Speaker 00

  But I wanna play with better people, so yeah, but, um, so I have a few weeks to like get ready.

• 11:02Speaker 02

  So basically-

• 11:03Speaker 00

  But win or lose, I'll be in Monte Carlo.

• 11:05Speaker 02

  Right, you will be in Monte Carlo.

• 11:07Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 11:08Speaker 02

  Basically, back to the other point, which is that we went to this dinner-

• 11:11Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 11:11Speaker 02

  And then you texted me maybe a couple of days later and said, "I hooked up with a guy from Field, he made me crawl up the stairs of my building."

• 11:19Speaker 00

  I loved it.

• 11:19Speaker 02

  And I did not like the crawling.

• 11:21Speaker 00

  I like loved it.

• 11:22Speaker 02

  That really upset me.

• 11:24Speaker 00

  No, I've been like mad at all my hookups since then. I'm like, is no one gonna make me crawl?

• 11:31Speaker 00

  I'm like, god, these losers. But the first guy's obviously like a maniac, but this last guy, um, he like commented on some of the stuff around my apartment. Cause I was thinking after my first hookup, I'm like, he hasn't commented on any of my art or knickknacks, like that's so annoying. And then this guy did it.

• 11:45Speaker 02

  He doesn't like you, he made you crawl.

• 11:46Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, I know, but, um,

• 11:50Speaker 00

  but this guy, he was like, oh, I like those sharks. And I go, oh, I like you complimenting my stuff. He's like, oh, I could do that for you. So after we hooked up, he like walked around my apartment and told me everything he liked in it. And I like loved it.

• 11:59Speaker 02

  That is your dream.

• 12:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, it was.

• 12:01Speaker 02

  That's actually something you want me to do when I come over, yeah.

• 12:03Speaker 00

  Yeah, and everyone's texted me afterwards, so I like that. That feels nice.

• 12:07Speaker 02

  Oh, all the guys have texted you afterwards?

• 12:08Speaker 00

  The next day, yeah. And then hopefully I could fuck a girl soon. It's just harder.

• 12:12Speaker 02

  Is it harder to fuck girls?

• 12:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, men are a lot easier.

• 12:14Speaker 02

  I do, that, that I do believe.

• 12:16Speaker 00

  Men are so easy to fuck.

• 12:18Speaker 02

  That I do believe. It's been my experience.

• 12:19Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. I mean, you, you're one of my icons in this. I have a few like gay men in my life that are coaching, training, sending me bar recs, where to meet, what to do. And it's been really nice.

• 12:29Speaker 02

  Well, it's a beautiful, I think, I feel really, I feel weirdly accomplished that you're in this era. It feels like something I've been working on for years.

• 12:36Speaker 00

  For years.

• 12:37Speaker 02

  I feel like I've really been-

• 12:38Speaker 00

  Cause that must be annoying, like listening to someone complain about the same thing for a long time without, um, improvement, but yeah.

• 12:43Speaker 02

  Not annoying at all.

• 12:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 12:44Speaker 02

  No, I'm just excited to see you out there. And I feel a little bit like your backgammon grandmaster or whatever the fuck his name is.

• 12:50Speaker 00

  Oh no, he's married and I hope he doesn't cheat on his wife.

• 12:52Speaker 02

  I'm so sorry. I meant that I feel like a coach to you.

• 12:55Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah.

• 13:00Speaker 02

  Not that I want you to fuck the backgammon guy at all. Sorry, no, I was talking about a different thing, drawing parallels.

• 13:07Speaker 00

  No, you've coached me a lot, uh, and then the next, the, the final frontier will be like asking someone out in the wild.

• 13:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, so that'll be like huge.

• 13:17Speaker 02

  Crazy to think that that comes after crawling, but I love it.

• 13:20Speaker 00

  The worst is my building's super catching me. I'm like, why are you doing work this late at night?

• 13:23Speaker 02

  He caught you crawling?

• 13:24Speaker 00

  He caught me outside my apartment and went out of, sometimes he ignores me on the streets and this time he made, he went out of his way to make sure that he, to say hello.

• 13:33Speaker 02

  You were mid crawl?

• 13:34Speaker 00

  I was like, yeah, I was.

• 13:37Speaker 02

  And what did he, did he have to like sneak past you? Was he like, oh, just gotta-

• 13:40Speaker 00

  I can't believe this happened, but I was, I'm, I'm like this unit and he was up the stairs leaving that unit. And I just, he went, hi, and I turned around with my dangle and I went, hey. And then I opened my door fast.

• 13:53Speaker 02

  While your hands and knees, while your hands and- Your hands and knees and you went, hey?

• 13:55Speaker 00

  And then I stood up and opened my door and shuffled this little, you know, degenerate in there.

• 14:00Speaker 02

  Do you think there's any chance there's cameras in the building and he's been seeing you do the crawls?

• 14:03Speaker 00

  No, because you know, I've complained about other things and there hasn't been evidence. I know where the cameras are.

• 14:08Speaker 02

  I'm certain you've complained about other things.

• 14:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, but I helped the building and if it wasn't for me, no one would get their packages. I'm there buzzing people in, opening the door for Amazon guys. I'll see him at the coffee shop, I'll run out, be like, I'll let, I'll get you in there.

• 14:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:19Speaker 00

  I'm like, make sure everyone gets stuff, but if things are broken and I like, I get involved.

• 14:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, of course. You're like a community manager in that way.

• 14:25Speaker 00

  I try to, yeah. But also, one of my hookups, my neighbors were outside smoking weed, so then they were like, "Get it, girl." And then the next day we got to recap at the coffee shop. And so that felt so cute. Like, they were like, oh my god, what happened? And so I really liked that too.

• 14:41Speaker 02

  I crawled, I crawled.

• 14:42Speaker 00

  That, no, this guy that was the nicer, the nicer one.

• 14:45Speaker 02

  He complimented my sharks.

• 14:46Speaker 00

  Yeah, he complimented my stuff.

• 14:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:49Speaker 00

  And like cared. But that, the guy with the crawling, we fucked for like three and a half hours.

• 14:53Speaker 02

  Really?

• 14:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 14:53Speaker 02

  That's completely beautiful.

• 14:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 14:55Speaker 02

  That's completely beautiful.

• 14:56Speaker 00

  And it was my first time in a year, like I really went full force.

• 14:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:59Speaker 00

  And then now I've been, yeah, pulling back, pulling back.

• 15:01Speaker 02

  I'm seeing a guy tonight that, uh, we didn't talk for a long time, cause I hit him up. We, we like, we used to hook up regularly.

• 15:07Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 15:08Speaker 02

  And he's really cool and I like him and we would like hang out before and after and like, he's a fun guy. And I had texted him and he didn't respond. I texted him at like midnight and was like, do you wanna come over? That's what we do. And he didn't respond to me for like three days. And so I texted and I was like, hey, sorry if I, uh, like if you didn't want me to text you late at night or something, I just, it's not like you'd not text back, just wanna make sure you're okay.

• 15:27Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 15:27Speaker 02

  And he was like, hey, I'm so sorry, I'm okay, I just started seeing somebody.

• 15:30Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 15:31Speaker 02

  And I was like, oh, cool. Well, we can still like be friends or whatever. And he was like, yeah, I, I think I'm just gonna kinda like focus on this thing. And I was like, totally cool. And then he hit me up recently, so I guess the thing has ended. But I'm seeing him tonight, again, for the first time in a long time and I'm very excited.

• 15:45Speaker 00

  Okay, and how long ago was the, that midnight text?

• 15:49Speaker 02

  Like maybe two, three months.

• 15:52Speaker 00

  Oh, oh, okay. And where are you meeting?

• 15:55Speaker 02

  Uh, probably just my house.

• 15:56Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 15:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm excited.

• 15:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 15:58Speaker 02

  It's gonna be fun. But yeah, it's fun.

• 16:00Speaker 00

  Well, then I was, um, I did tell, you know, cause people, some people have been invested in my journey, so I see Ian, Laura, he's, um, you know, fun guy. And he's, and I go, guess what? You'll be so proud of me, I've been hooking. And he goes, "I'm actually like worried for your safety. It seems like you're kind of like, really going hardcore, like are you sure?" And I go, well, no, Sydney, um, has been tracking me and I text her before and after, so she knows I'm safe. He goes, "Sydney's not gonna help you." He goes, "That's not the person that you should be having as your emergency contact."

• 16:29Speaker 02

  Sydney's in the house eating candy. She's not-

• 16:31Speaker 00

  Not responding.

• 16:32Speaker 02

  She's not gonna be coming to your location.

• 16:34Speaker 00

  No.

• 16:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:35Speaker 00

  Yeah, but it's been a whole new world. It just feels different.

• 16:40Speaker 02

  I'm really excited. I also, you talking-

• 16:41Speaker 00

  And I've been going to plays, concerts, dinners, I've been taking nights off. I'm not doing seven spots a night, you know, for no reason. I'm really like, yeah, it's been cool.

• 16:52Speaker 02

  Nights off is really huge. I'm proud of you.

• 16:53Speaker 00

  Well, because you know, my hypnotherapist definitely was like, hey, um, you need a real therapist. I can't really handle you alone. And so I was at a deep, dark depression maybe two months ago, but it's, it seems like fun sailing from here.

• 17:05Speaker 02

  Also, you talking about like your neighbors being outside smoking when your hookup came over and then debriefing at the downstairs coffee shop in the morning? I'm like, they're really, I, I don't ever wanna cross into the territory of being someone who's like, life is only special in New York. I don't believe that.

• 17:18Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 17:18Speaker 02

  But there is a vestige of community living that exists in New York that like, is barely happening in the rest of the country.

• 17:26Speaker 00

  Oh, I walked in-

• 17:26Speaker 02

  It's happening some places, but it's barely.

• 17:28Speaker 00

  I walked in my coffee shop yesterday. I unfortunately have been staying out till three, four in the morning. So I was so hungover, they could tell, and they went, sit down. And I got a beer, a glass bottle of seltzer and an iced coffee, just in a row.

• 17:40Speaker 02

  You got a beer in the morning?

• 17:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, I needed it. I needed it, cause I had to be, I had to start working at 11, so like I needed a jolt back.

• 17:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:49Speaker 00

  You know, when you're only sleeping three, four hours, you're not feeling, yeah, you, you see, there is judgment right now. I feel it. I don't know how to do-

• 17:55Speaker 02

  I'm gonna come off like a loser when I say this and I know that, but morning beer is gonna go ahead and be a red flag for me.

• 17:59Speaker 00

  But with the seltzer and iced coffee.

• 18:01Speaker 02

  That doesn't change anything for me personally, but I'm also not a drinker, so I understand maybe if you were shaky and you needed to even out.

• 18:13Speaker 00

  Definitely not shaky, um-

• 18:15Speaker 02

  Just need one before I can drive or whatever. I guess that's-

• 18:17Speaker 00

  I wasn't even thinking about it. I was just going out for an iced coffee. The employees, they set me up.

• 18:22Speaker 02

  Oh, the employees were like, ma'am, you have to have a beer, ma'am.

• 18:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 18:25Speaker 02

  Do you know what this reminds me of is when I was interning in New York for the first time? I had these, we had high school students that lived in these dorms and we like put them to bed every night and we're like, go to your room, don't come out until the morning. And if they snuck out, they got kicked out of the program because it's New York City and they're from foreign countries and it's unsafe. And, and they're also children. And we had two kids come back really drunk one night and we were like, "Hey, so obviously you reek of booze and you're extremely drunk." And they're like, "We have never had a drink." And we were like, "You're extremely drunk." And then finally they admitted that they were drunk and we were like, "Why, what happened? Why, where did you go? Where did you get alcohol?" And they were like, "Honestly, we did not wanna drink. A homeless person forced us to drink." Like he made us drink alcohol even though we didn't want to and we were really scared, cause we don't know about homeless people.

• 19:08Speaker 02

  And we were like, "Hey, so those are like some of the most like marginalized people in society."

• 19:13Speaker 00

  And they're not sharing their booze.

• 19:14Speaker 02

  They're not sharing their booze and they did not force you to get drunk and that's a really evil thing to say. And then they like started weeping and they were like, "Hey, we did it." You know, they were like, so, and we were like, "It's fine, you're just going home, that's all." Like to relax.

• 19:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, but you know, you don't know what happens in their home.

• 19:27Speaker 02

  Sure, they're, these are rich kids.

• 19:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 19:29Speaker 02

  What happens in their home is that the parents are not surprised they got kicked out for drinking. I would imagine. Maybe they get hit, I don't know.

• 19:33Speaker 00

  There was, we, I was underage trying to get booze and we gave a poorer person, I don't know where he lived, maybe at the shelter, but like not, not crushing it. But we gave him money to buy us vodka and a mixer. And he came out with like a two liter of RC Cola and then a little flask of pop off vodka. And it's like, the diff, we wanted the opposite.

• 19:55Speaker 02

  Maybe a can of soda and a handle.

• 19:56Speaker 00

  But I was like, he, he scammed us and good for him.

• 19:59Speaker 02

  Good for him in a big way.

• 20:00Speaker 00

  Good for him and I hope he got all the booze he wanted.

• 20:02Speaker 02

  I sure hope he did. Honestly, I'm, I'm so in support of, I, there was a, an unhoused guy in Manhattan recently. I was seeing a friend's show and I was outside and he goes, we're like right next to a bodega.

• 20:13Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 20:13Speaker 02

  And he goes, you know, he's asking everybody, can you get me something? Can you get me something? Or can you give me cash? And he goes, "Hey brother, can I get some cash?" And I go, "I don't have any cash on me, but if you want, I can grab you something to eat and drink." And he goes, he goes, "Yeah, yeah, that'd be good." And I go, "Okay, cool, I'll just hop in here, what do you want?" He goes, "No, no, come down the block, I like this one better." He like didn't want me to go to that bodega.

• 20:30Speaker 00

  But why wouldn't he stand next to the one he wanted?

• 20:31Speaker 02

  For sure. I was like, that's really fucking annoying, but okay.

• 20:34Speaker 00

  Did you go with it?

• 20:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was like, okay, so we went to his bodega.

• 20:38Speaker 02

  And then I went in and I was like, what do you want? He was like, "Hot coffee and ice cream." And I was like, for sure, that's not substantive at all, but sounds good. I would probably want the same.

• 20:45Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 20:46Speaker 02

  So I go in, I get him a hot coffee, I get him, I forget what kinda ice cream he'd asked for, but they didn't have it. And I got him something else and I come out and he goes, he goes, "That's not the ice cream I asked for." And I was like, I know they didn't have the kind you asked for. And he was like, "They always have the kind I asked for." And I go, "Then come in here with me and get it." And he goes, "I'm not allowed in there."

• 21:05Speaker 02

  And I was like, alright, man, then you have to eat this fucking ice cream. I don't know what to tell you.

• 21:08Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 21:09Speaker 02

  And he was like, alright, have a good night.

• 21:10Speaker 00

  I get it, you know, they have so little control in their lives.

• 21:14Speaker 02

  Totally. I would be so fucking rude if I was homeless.

• 21:16Speaker 00

  Yeah, it actually like turned one of my friendships once, because someone said, um, yeah, have you ever given a homeless person something and they don't want it? And it's like, maybe you're not hungry enough. And I went, or maybe they're like lactose intolerant. Like, I, I can't.

• 21:28Speaker 02

  They're allowed to still have like dietary restrictions.

• 21:30Speaker 00

  Or even just interests or like whatever. And it, I really haven't looked at this person the same.

• 21:36Speaker 02

  Homelessness is actually like one of the great, like, you learn more about your friends that you didn't expect to when homelessness comes up than almost anything. It's very rare that a friend comes, you find out they're like a secret racist or something. That's very rare. But it's pretty often that someone you think you know will be like, oh yeah, homeless people are vermin.

• 21:56Speaker 02

  What the fuck?

• 21:57Speaker 00

  It's so, yeah, it's really, um, crazy. It happened once in Seattle where I was doing Bumber shoot and a girl was giving.

• 22:05Speaker 02

  What?

• 22:06Speaker 00

  Oh, it was like a festival, sorry.

• 22:10Speaker 02

  It's like, what the fuck are you talking about?

• 22:12Speaker 00

  I think they went under, but I got to see Ludacris that year and Blondie. It was like pretty fun.

• 22:16Speaker 02

  They went Bumber.

• 22:17Speaker 00

  Um, but on the way out, someone was giving a homeless person a Nature Valley and he was rejecting it. And she started screaming at him and then another friend had to get involved and be like, he doesn't have teeth. Like, that's a hard bar. You know what I mean? And so that.

• 22:29Speaker 02

  You can't gum the Nature Valley bar.

• 22:30Speaker 00

  That's when I learned that lesson. Like, I guess I never thought about that either, but everyone has to learn, but like for your instinct to be.

• 22:37Speaker 02

  Well, I learned this in high school.

• 22:39Speaker 00

  Has no one seen Pursuit of Happiness? Like, I don't get it.

• 22:42Speaker 02

  In high school, when we volunteered, like, we would do like a volunteer thing with the food pantry and they would always have to be like, please stop bringing the same fucking three items. People that need food do not need box mac and cheese and fucking. Pumpkin, canned pumpkin. They would keep bringing canned pumpkin.

• 22:59Speaker 00

  Oh, it even gets worse than that. I do volunteer at that New York City food bank and during Thanksgiving you have to go through all the donations because people are crazy. Expired two years, five years, like just expired cans.

• 23:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:10Speaker 00

  And I, I don't get that instinct. It's really strange. It's really strange. I don't love it.

• 23:15Speaker 02

  Something positive is happening in my life right now.

• 23:17Speaker 00

  What?

• 23:17Speaker 02

  That I'd like to share with you.

• 23:18Speaker 00

  What?

• 23:18Speaker 02

  I figured out breakfast.

• 23:20Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 23:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:21Speaker 00

  I want to say one more thing about the homelessness issues.

• 23:24Speaker 02

  That's okay.

• 23:25Speaker 00

  Have you seen Whoopi Goldberg's SVU episode?

• 23:27Speaker 02

  I was kind of done talking about it, but now I'll get back to it. Whoopi Goldberg has an SVU episode?

• 23:31Speaker 00

  Yeah, season seventeen institutional fail.

• 23:34Speaker 02

  Shelter?

• 23:34Speaker 00

  Yeah, no, well, she, she's like, but she has this moment on the stand and it is just chilling and I think about it all the time.

• 23:41Speaker 02

  What happens?

• 23:42Speaker 00

  It's basically like she works at Child Protective Services and flopped and like a child, you know, a child dies because of her. So, um, but then she goes, how dare you blame me? When all you do is walk around and ignore the like horrors of the world and pretend it doesn't exist and then throw all of that at fucking me.

• 23:58Speaker 02

  Ooh.

• 23:59Speaker 00

  And it's just, I'm getting chills talking about it. Like, she's just, um, is such a good actor and it's such a good monologue and I think about it a lot.

• 24:06Speaker 02

  Isn't there a show right now called The Whoopi Monologues or The Whoopi?

• 24:09Speaker 00

  I don't know.

• 24:09Speaker 02

  There's like a, there's like a live show, like a Broadway show or something.

• 24:12Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 24:12Speaker 02

  The Whoopi something somethings. Whoopi Monologues. We should go together.

• 24:16Speaker 00

  She's still my favorite Oscar host. I would love that.

• 24:18Speaker 02

  Let's go.

• 24:19Speaker 00

  Yeah. Wait, but tell me about breakfast.

• 24:21Speaker 02

  I figured out breakfast.

• 24:22Speaker 00

  And?

• 24:23Speaker 02

  Oh my God, I'm feeling electric about it. I, breakfast has, has been a, um, a long terrifying situation in my life.

• 24:30Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 24:30Speaker 02

  I hate breakfast.

• 24:31Speaker 00

  It's my favorite meal.

• 24:32Speaker 02

  I have never liked it and I can never get myself to do anything for it. And I finally figured out breakfast and here's what's been really working for me. Okay? Multi-grain toast with peanut butter and cut up bananas. Electric. Multi-grain toast with peanut butter and cut up bananas is electric to me. I'm really, really, really loving it. Also, three to four slices of turkey bacon.

• 24:56Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 24:56Speaker 02

  Wow. Loving it. Electric. Completely awesome. Doesn't make my stomach hurt. Makes me feel really full. And then either some eggs or a fig bar. Really, or also orange juice and coffee.

• 25:06Speaker 00

  And how are the eggs?

• 25:06Speaker 02

  A lot of coffee. Eggs, it kind of depends. I'm always trying to do over medium. I'm usually ending up with scrambled.

• 25:12Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 25:12Speaker 02

  Cause I fuck it up.

• 25:13Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 25:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, I try to flip it and then it's like, well, now we're doing scrambled.

• 25:16Speaker 00

  You're cooking.

• 25:17Speaker 02

  But this is the thing is like, this has been my big barriers. I've always been like, cooking is too much of an event. It needs to be like a Saturday where I have the afternoon off or something.

• 25:23Speaker 00

  No, yesterday I realized I don't even have plates. I want, I got a little microwave Celeste pizza for nostalgia and I had to put it on a plastic lid for a bowl I had and it obviously melted. I ate plastic last night.

• 25:35Speaker 02

  You realized you don't have plates?

• 25:37Speaker 00

  Cause usually I had paper ones, but I've run out. And then I was like, oh, I don't even have a plate in my whole apartment. I open every drawer. I had no plates. But I don't have room. I don't buy me plates. I don't want plates.

• 25:48Speaker 00

  Don't send me a plate. Like, I'm not ready to live that life, but it was crazy.

• 25:53Speaker 02

  You're not ready to have plates?

• 25:55Speaker 00

  I just don't have room.

• 25:57Speaker 02

  I know. Well, you, the thing is you get mad at me when I talk about your apartment, but then you constantly bring up things that make me.

• 26:02Speaker 00

  I actually brought it up to them before you got here.

• 26:04Speaker 02

  That I was gonna talk about the apartment?

• 26:05Speaker 00

  No, that you hate it so much.

• 26:07Speaker 02

  I want you to live better than that. I don't like you in that apartment. It really stresses me out.

• 26:10Speaker 00

  I'll get a bigger unit one day.

• 26:12Speaker 02

  I just want you to, I'm like, okay, you love the neighborhood. Let's move anywhere within two to three blocks. There's gotta be a good apartment somewhere over there.

• 26:18Speaker 00

  I know. I just love it.

• 26:20Speaker 02

  I really don't like it. It makes me really stressed out.

• 26:23Speaker 00

  And I, the, the tub was having issues, but the plumber came and it fixed immediately. So that was nice.

• 26:29Speaker 02

  What was the issues with the tub?

• 26:31Speaker 00

  Just it wasn't draining as quickly as I'd like.

• 26:33Speaker 02

  Well, that's not a big deal, actually.

• 26:34Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 26:35Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah, I don't want you in that apartment anymore. I really don't like it. And now to hear that you don't have room for plates is like obviously extremely distressing.

• 26:42Speaker 00

  I, yeah.

• 26:45Speaker 00

  I have like too many commemorative like mugs and glasses that I don't drink or use because they're like commemorative.

• 26:51Speaker 02

  I know. You live a trinket heavy lifestyle.

• 26:54Speaker 02

  You live an extremely trinket laden lifestyle.

• 26:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, but I have a new bookshelf you haven't seen yet and it's organized really beautifully.

• 27:00Speaker 02

  Really? By color or by title?

• 27:03Speaker 00

  Well.

• 27:03Speaker 02

  Or by size?

• 27:04Speaker 00

  It's by vibes. And, cause there's other stuff and then some books are over there, but like I stack the, it's like, it's more visual than, um, yeah.

• 27:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, okay. I support this.

• 27:14Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 27:14Speaker 02

  You know, I'm moving.

• 27:16Speaker 00

  No?

• 27:16Speaker 02

  I got a new apartment. I'm moving next week.

• 27:17Speaker 00

  You're really moving constantly.

• 27:19Speaker 02

  That is true and I'm trying to stop.

• 27:20Speaker 00

  Are you not sick of it?

• 27:21Speaker 02

  Of course I'm sick of it. I mean, I don't, look, do I do much of it anymore? No.

• 27:25Speaker 00

  Wait, are you gonna have a final rager on the patio?

• 27:27Speaker 02

  Uh, no, I don't think so. Sorry. No.

• 27:30Speaker 00

  What about it? Just like a game night?

• 27:32Speaker 02

  Sure, you can come over for a game night, at least.

• 27:34Speaker 00

  I want to say bye to the space.

• 27:38Speaker 02

  We'll have to come over this weekend.

• 27:40Speaker 00

  It's happening this fast?

• 27:41Speaker 02

  I'm moving next Wednesday. I might be going to Fire Island this weekend as well. It's a whole thing. Bowen is inviting me.

• 27:48Speaker 00

  Which is an exciting thing.

• 27:50Speaker 02

  I love Bowen. I'm so excited to be invited. Joshua Sharp will be there.

• 27:53Speaker 00

  He, yeah, I enjoy him.

• 27:55Speaker 02

  Josh Sharp is one of the most special people we have. I actually just the other day got served, uh, in my Instagram feed, an old clip of Josh on the podcast where we were talking about randomly, we both have straight guy fans. And I, Josh is so fucking quick. I said, Josh, what do you think these straight guys get from us? What do you think that they get from being fans of ours? Split second, he goes, head from their girlfriends.

• 28:18Speaker 00

  And the sick thing is I, I knew exactly what he said.

• 28:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:22Speaker 00

  I'm a fan. I'm a K lesbian.

• 28:23Speaker 02

  I don't know how you keep up with, you're not a K lesbian until you start fucking, do not call yourself a K lesbian when you got men marching you up the stairs on your hands and knees.

• 28:30Speaker 00

  I know. I did hook up with a girl in Sacramento in February, but it, no sex.

• 28:37Speaker 02

  What does that mean?

• 28:38Speaker 00

  Just a, just a hookup in the green room. They were just too big of a fan and they knew too much about me. And so it was just a little bit like uncomfortable.

• 28:44Speaker 02

  Some of my favorite hookups have been green room hookups.

• 28:46Speaker 00

  Yeah, but we did get to hook up in the green room and I like that.

• 28:48Speaker 02

  I didn't hook up in the green room much on the last tour.

• 28:49Speaker 00

  And then the parking lot of the strip mall I perform in, you know?

• 28:52Speaker 02

  You perform, you hooked up in the parking lot as well?

• 28:54Speaker 00

  Just a little, yeah.

• 28:55Speaker 02

  Just like kissing or she was touching your stuff? Or you were touching her stuff?

• 28:59Speaker 00

  I was touching her, I, yeah, there was like tit action, but I just think it's like you listen to every podcast I'm on, you can't also see like my pussy. It's like too much for me.

• 29:07Speaker 02

  I don't have rules like that.

• 29:08Speaker 00

  No, I know. I, I, that is why you're my grandmaster.

• 29:13Speaker 00

  I like, I am trying to learn. I'm trying to be more out there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 29:18Speaker 02

  I'm, uh, sleeping with a fan this weekend.

• 29:22Speaker 02

  Set it up.

• 29:23Speaker 00

  Already in Fire Island, you've set the hookup up?

• 29:25Speaker 02

  Before I go to Fire Island.

• 29:26Speaker 00

  Oh, okay.

• 29:26Speaker 02

  He's gonna be in New York and I said, come on over.

• 29:30Speaker 02

  We'll get a drink first.

• 29:31Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 29:32Speaker 02

  Drink first.

• 29:32Speaker 00

  Okay. Wait, where are you moving? In the same neighborhood or different neighborhood? You don't have to say?

• 29:36Speaker 02

  Different neighborhood. I don't want to be moving.

• 29:38Speaker 00

  What do you want? Yeah, why is this happening?

• 29:40Speaker 02

  Think that my building might have mold and I think it might be the reason I'm getting strep every month. Now.

• 29:45Speaker 00

  I heard you can get it from sucking dick.

• 29:48Speaker 02

  You can get it from eating ass.

• 29:49Speaker 00

  And sucking dick.

• 29:50Speaker 02

  You can get, that's not as big of a deal, but I, in my life, but I.

• 29:53Speaker 00

  Oh, got it. I was like, no, I do know someone that just got suck dick strep.

• 29:56Speaker 02

  Dude, the most recent time that I got, I have strep right now and the strep I have right now, don't worry, I'm not contagious. I'm on the antibiotics. The strep I have right now, I got six hours after I really diligently ate someone's ass.

• 30:08Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 30:09Speaker 02

  I think it's related. I also think it might be the mold in my building. I floated both of these things to the ENT and she was like, I, I don't, I don't really think either of them are. She's like, I think you have big tonsils and they need to be taken out. And I was like, okay, well, what if I eat ass less diligently and get an air purifier? And she was like, I guess you could do that. I just don't think, I don't know that that's gonna solve it. And I was like, all right, well, I'm gonna try it.

• 30:32Speaker 00

  How long are you gonna put off? Like, how many more times will you get strep before you do the surgery?

• 30:37Speaker 02

  They really like for you to have it seven times in a year before you get the surgery.

• 30:40Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 30:40Speaker 02

  That's like the medical threshold. You can get it before that if you want.

• 30:44Speaker 00

  And where are you at?

• 30:45Speaker 02

  I am on number four or five and.

• 30:48Speaker 00

  And how long does it take you out?

• 30:50Speaker 02

  It, uh, it is a, some of the most harrowing and excruciating three days I ever have. It's really, really bad.

• 31:00Speaker 02

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• 31:26Speaker 02

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• 33:19Speaker 00

  And what are the positive features of this new place?

• 33:22Speaker 02

  The positive features are I don't think it has mold.

• 33:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:24Speaker 02

  It very well could. I really, really hope that it doesn't. Mold is so insidious and scary and you don't really know about it. You just kind of get sick slowly. I don't think it has mold. It's really close to some things that I like. That I'll tell you about off camera, I guess. It also is way bigger. I'm going to have a guest room again.

• 33:43Speaker 00

  Nice.

• 33:43Speaker 02

  I avoided having a guest room for a long time because I struggled with saying no to people.

• 33:48Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 33:49Speaker 02

  I've gotten way better at that. So now I feel comfortable having a guest room again.

• 33:51Speaker 00

  Yeah. Oh my God, I was just talking to someone. I wish I remember who it was, but they had to say like, no 15. I was like, no, I'm having this. And they kept being like, well, that's okay. I'll just do this. And they're like, oh, like they had to say it like four times.

• 34:03Speaker 02

  I'm so sorry. I don't understand what you're saying.

• 34:04Speaker 00

  I honestly, I started saying it and then I realized I don't remember any of the details.

• 34:15Speaker 00

  But I kept pushing.

• 34:16Speaker 02

  What you said to me was, I was talking to this person, I don't remember who it was, but they had to say no like 15 times. And I'm like, I don't understand who, to whom, about what. In what context?

• 34:30Speaker 00

  No, I know. I know. Like they let a friend stay and then that friend told people, oh yeah, they let anyone stay. And so then someone hit them. So someone hit them up and they're like, well, no, not anyone. It was just you, but that other person wouldn't take a no for an answer. And it was like, how embarrassing.

• 34:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, that doesn't happen with me.

• 34:51Speaker 00

  No, I think, I think people listen to you.

• 34:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, I don't like that kind of stuff. That would not be nice.

• 34:56Speaker 00

  I mean, you texted me last time we went to dinner and said, you better dress nice. And I did.

• 35:02Speaker 00

  I put on a new dress and I think I heal.

• 35:05Speaker 02

  Lisa, oh my God. I texted you and AJ and was like, I was like jokingly, like you guys better not show up looking bad or something.

• 35:12Speaker 00

  Yeah, but you know, that's what I'm sexually into. So I listened immediately. Because the guy that made me crawl also told me what to wear on the date and I liked it.

• 35:18Speaker 02

  I wasn't trying to turn you on. I had no idea it was sexual for you.

• 35:21Speaker 00

  You never do.

• 35:22Speaker 02

  I wasn't trying to get you a dress anyway.

• 35:24Speaker 00

  You walked in with facial hair today and I went, oh wow.

• 35:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, you said, I think we could do something really special.

• 35:30Speaker 02

  When you saw my little stubble.

• 35:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 35:32Speaker 02

  Some people don't like it. Some people are writing to me on Instagram and saying, she shaved it. I'm going to throw up.

• 35:36Speaker 00

  What the fuck? I feel like most of your people are positive. What is this negativity they have towards you?

• 35:41Speaker 02

  There's a lot of negativity towards me. It's mostly positive though. I'm cool with it. But I like more when people are like, your facial hair is hot. I want to sleep with you. That's the cooler way to talk to me.

• 35:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 35:50Speaker 02

  Don't ever talk to me in a different way than that. That's the best way to talk to me. Number one way to talk to me, gotta be positive.

• 35:56Speaker 00

  Or I like the guy that you said was just like, hey, I'm a fan, like your work. Can I suck your dick? And like, you were like pledge of allegiance.

• 36:03Speaker 02

  And we have had a beautiful friendship since then.

• 36:04Speaker 00

  Really?

• 36:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, we, I talked to him yesterday. Great guy. Great, salt of the earth, real, really good guy. I love his work. Beautiful, beautiful young man. Lot of, lot of beautiful qualities and features. I just love him. I think the world of him. I wish the best for him.

• 36:18Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 36:19Speaker 02

  He deleted Grindr.

• 36:20Speaker 00

  Because of, because you're in his life?

• 36:22Speaker 02

  No, no, no, no. He deleted Grindr and he texts me, don't worry, you're still on the roster. And I said, oh, I'm not worried about that.

• 36:28Speaker 00

  So exciting, so exciting. Yeah, I need to get a roster. Yeah, I need to ask someone out in the world, in person.

• 36:34Speaker 02

  Do you want to practice?

• 36:34Speaker 00

  And get a roster. No.

• 36:36Speaker 02

  It could be fun. We did it. We've done it on the show before.

• 36:38Speaker 00

  What do you mean?

• 36:39Speaker 02

  We've done role play on the show before.

• 36:41Speaker 00

  Okay, okay.

• 36:42Speaker 02

  It can be a really healthy exercise. Okay, how about this? I'm your SoulCycle instructor.

• 36:50Speaker 02

  Get up, girls!

• 36:53Speaker 02

  Come on!

• 36:56Speaker 00

  Well, you know, I'm going through, well, now I'm going through a hard time right now.

• 36:59Speaker 02

  What?

• 37:00Speaker 00

  Because Taylor Swift had an ICE detention center owner at her wedding, so.

• 37:04Speaker 02

  I do know that.

• 37:05Speaker 00

  I covered the sticker on my phone.

• 37:06Speaker 02

  In her defense, there's no one she didn't have at her wedding.

• 37:09Speaker 00

  Besides Blake Lively. I think the only reason she invited so many people is to make sure Blake Lively and Kelly Teller knew how disliked they were.

• 37:16Speaker 02

  Kelly Teller?

• 37:17Speaker 00

  Miles Teller's wife. They were best friends for a while too.

• 37:20Speaker 02

  Okay, I think you're a little deep on this stuff.

• 37:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, no, my algorithm is new to me. It's only been one day of not listening to Taylor Swift.

• 37:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, so you're getting a new algorithm now?

• 37:30Speaker 00

  Not yet, but they're still, but I think, but I think she, yeah. It's really crazy how many people were there. But the ICE detention center really like upset me.

• 37:40Speaker 02

  I know you're really upset about this because you offered to give away your cardigans in a text to me and AJ.

• 37:44Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 37:45Speaker 02

  You said, if either of you guys want my Taylor Swift cardigans, I'm done with her.

• 37:47Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 37:49Speaker 02

  That's really tough. That's a big statement from a girl like you.

• 37:51Speaker 00

  I know, I might keep one of them. The 1989 one is so beautiful. It's such a good one.

• 37:55Speaker 02

  No.

• 37:55Speaker 00

  And it's seagulls on the back.

• 37:57Speaker 02

  Do you oppose ICE or not?

• 37:59Speaker 00

  I oppose ICE. So yeah, it's like the homeless stuff. If you don't believe in like free lunch for kids. And if you're into privatized prison, I just like, those are my hard lines. Those are just my hard lines.

• 38:11Speaker 02

  I can get down with a lot of other stuff, but that's pretty much the big ones.

• 38:13Speaker 00

  I can see a lot of different perspectives on a lot of things, but those I can't. Children's, everyone should eat.

• 38:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, I've been saying.

• 38:20Speaker 00

  Everyone should have access to food. And no one should make a profit off prison.

• 38:27Speaker 02

  I really fully agree with you. You know, you've got a friend in me.

• 38:30Speaker 00

  Yeah, and I can't believe, but if you have a thousand people at your wedding, like, do you kiss and say hi to everyone? Like, I do wonder how many people you do say hi to.

• 38:37Speaker 02

  I think you kind of treat it like a, you kind of treat it like a show. Like you wait until everyone's seated, you go out, you do the thing and then you leave through a back door.

• 38:47Speaker 00

  You don't think that she danced with her friends?

• 38:48Speaker 02

  I'm kidding. I'm sure she did.

• 38:49Speaker 00

  Oh, okay.

• 38:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, are you still writing to Luigi?

• 38:52Speaker 00

  No, well, he actually had some hearings. I don't know if he pled guilty or not. There's, there's some stuff happening on, I think, one of the levels. But they're not, they're not even going to pick the jury till 2027 now. It's like really fucked up.

• 39:05Speaker 02

  And then he's just in jail. This is not right.

• 39:07Speaker 00

  No, and like, that's why.

• 39:09Speaker 02

  He has a right to a speedy trial.

• 39:10Speaker 00

  I know.

• 39:11Speaker 02

  So wait, you think pleading guilty is on the table?

• 39:13Speaker 00

  It has been on one of the things because people have been DMing me, but I've just been so busy with the World Cup that I haven't been able to function in other ways of life.

• 39:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know.

• 39:21Speaker 00

  Training, but I don't know why you're mad. I mean, also Kansas City is a big part. Kansas is a huge part. They're hosting Algeria. It's been beautiful.

• 39:28Speaker 02

  To have Algeria, I loved the people in Lawrence talking about it. I don't like how unavailable you become when you find a new obsession.

• 39:34Speaker 00

  But you could join me.

• 39:36Speaker 02

  I'm not watching soccer. I have had to draw the line at soccer games. I got really into the Knicks. I'm, I have been a team player.

• 39:43Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 39:43Speaker 02

  I'm drawing the, I'm drawing the line at the World Cup.

• 39:45Speaker 00

  Dude, I had so much fun with the Knicks. I was in Times Square.

• 39:47Speaker 02

  I know you were. I was in the, in, I was in Chinatown.

• 39:51Speaker 00

  Wasn't it fun?

• 39:52Speaker 02

  It was electric. I totally loved it. The World Cup, I just can't, it's a stone too far. It's too much. I also, look, here's the reality. New York just had, in, in thousands of years, when humanity is like almost done, and aliens are here and we're coexisting, they will tell stories about June 2026 in New York City. They will still be talking about June in New York City in 2026. We had a beautiful electric magnetic month.

• 40:15Speaker 00

  And you want it to end.

• 40:16Speaker 02

  I am so tired. July needs to be a period of rest, shame, reflection, and reprioritizing, frankly. And I can't add a new bandwagon sports obsession to my plate at the moment due to everything that went down in June. I stayed out until the sun rose multiple times in June. That's not the kind of guy I am. Okay? I'm like the little fucking gay frogs from the book.

• 40:37Speaker 00

  I was gonna pull back and then I saw someone go, "It only happens once every four years. We gotta lean in." And I went, "You're right." And so I went in harder.

• 40:46Speaker 02

  The World Cup?

• 40:46Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm.

• 40:47Speaker 02

  I didn't know it only happened every four years.

• 40:48Speaker 00

  Yeah, and what's so fun, so I watched, I caught the Morocco game on an outdoor TV outside of a weed shop. Like on my walk, they had outdoor TVs. So I was like, "Oh, I'll stand and watch this game for a little bit." So New York, the Halal Kart Guy, I would see him lock it up, run, watch a little bit, and then at commercial, run back, get in his cart. And I was like, "This is the best city in the world."

• 41:07Speaker 02

  That's completely beautiful.

• 41:08Speaker 00

  It was really cool. And then I was at a bar for like nine hours. Yeah, Team Mexico, but um, yeah, now Norway. I've been collecting, McDonald's has been having a lot of World Cup stuff, so I've been collecting those items as well.

• 41:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, okay. I'm really happy for you. In some ways, I just, I don't want it to affect my time.

• 41:26Speaker 00

  And it hasn't. You've really rejected every offer I've given.

• 41:30Speaker 00

  You've been outward with your disgust, of course.

• 41:32Speaker 02

  Not disgust, I just, I think, yeah, I want to see you in a different context than that.

• 41:36Speaker 00

  But I also like the gay kissing. Like, I like how much they touch. There was one guy-

• 41:40Speaker 02

  They're not kissing.

• 41:41Speaker 00

  Well, no, one guy got injured and another guy from another team, while he was like down there, kissed him right here on the back of the neck. They jump into each other's arms, they're giving each other piggyback rides. I'll start sending you the gay stuff. And so like now I'm about to start reading some soccer smut, because I am like, and then this, the reason Saturday is gonna be so huge is because the main hot blonde from Norway, he actually plays in England, so he's about to play against his best friend and all of his friends. So that's gonna be like huge. But him and that best friend, like, they protect the goalies. And so like he'll, they like, like one of them's doing an interview and the other one kisses him on the cheek. Like, I just like seeing men kiss, and they do it in soccer.

• 42:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, I also like seeing men kiss. That is beautiful.

• 42:25Speaker 00

  The new McDonald's Cup I got with the guy from Spain, he has a little brother who's really cute. Like, I'm into all of these stories as well.

• 42:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:32Speaker 00

  So it's not even about the game. I'm not really focused on the action of the game.

• 42:36Speaker 02

  I do know that you're gonna find ways to make it an entire like cinematic universe. I do know that. I know that you find the stories, and I love that about you.

• 42:44Speaker 00

  And there's a lot of corruption, of course, and, and then Cabo Verde. I mean, they're a tiny island, half a million people there. They got their players on LinkedIn. People were ignoring their messages, thinking it was spam. Like, one guy plays second string, and they, they're about, they changed everything.

• 43:02Speaker 02

  How did they change everything?

• 43:03Speaker 00

  Well, tourism's gonna go up. Like, people know where Cabo Verde is. You know what I mean? Like, that's huge. Um, but also, it's like new small countries are included in this World Cup that have never been before, thinking they would be easy prey. And instead, this goalie at 40 years old, at his first World Cup, went head to head with Spain, blocked 27 goals. Spain had possession of the ball 75% of the game. He went head to head with Messi, who's the greatest in the world. And they're like, I was watching him as a fan. Like, after the game, they all took selfies with, like, they couldn't believe, he blocked Messi's shots? Like, it's like playing against Michael Jordan and like going toe to toe and making him nervous. Like, it was,

• 43:43Speaker 00

  and you know, to have the whole world cheer for a tiny place of people that play in club leagues, they're not even professional, they're not even professionals, and now they can have careers. Their, their country's gonna have like so much money in tourism. It's like, cool. And they're gonna get fucked. They're gonna be getting fucked. They're gonna work.

• 44:00Speaker 02

  Did they win?

• 44:01Speaker 00

  No.

• 44:11Speaker 00

  But-

• 44:11Speaker 02

  But tourism's up, baby!

• 44:13Speaker 00

  But, but they did win overall with the store, and now hopefully, they're gonna start training. So now they're gonna be a competitor. They're a country of like, yeah, it's so small. But um, they won in spirit and in inspiration. And the, the fact that they even made it to the next round, no one saw that coming. No one saw that coming.

• 44:30Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 44:31Speaker 00

  But also just like this hot guy who's 40, just like blocking these shots. It's, it was just, yeah, it was nice.

• 44:40Speaker 02

  Well, what else are you thinking about?

• 44:43Speaker 02

  What else is going on with you?

• 44:44Speaker 00

  Well, I'll talk about breakfast as well. We can go back to that.

• 44:47Speaker 02

  Are you doing breakfast? You have 80,000 minutes ago. Are you doing breakfast?

• 44:49Speaker 00

  I love eggs. It is probably in my top five favorite foods. I love eating eggs.

• 44:55Speaker 02

  How you doing them?

• 44:55Speaker 00

  I will, I like them when they're like fucking gooey as fuck with little post, toast points. I'll do egg and cheese. I'll do over easy, over medium, poached. I don't give a fuck. Benedict and a burrito, hard boiled with a little salt. I love eggs.

• 45:10Speaker 02

  I wanna start, I wanna start making jammy eggs.

• 45:13Speaker 00

  Yeah. I would never ma, again, I'm not making any of this. I would never do that, but-

• 45:17Speaker 02

  There's this restaurant in Kansas City that I love, uh, called Chiology, that has these, um, like Asian, it's basically an Asian deviled egg, and it is so fucking good. I think about it all the time.

• 45:31Speaker 00

  With like a chili crisp?

• 45:31Speaker 02

  Shout out to Chiology. Yeah, chili, you can get chili crisp on the side, but it, it's so, it's like fried onions and like, mm, it's so fucking good.

• 45:38Speaker 00

  Oh, I was just in Houston. Their art museum is incredible, if you're ever there. The modern, I was, I cried so many. I've been crying a lot more since I stopped smoking weed. The emotions are so big.

• 45:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:51Speaker 00

  Um, but they have a Michelin star restaurant in there, and I had like a deviled egg with uh, Ro on it. It was so fucking, they're-

• 45:58Speaker 02

  What have you been crying about?

• 46:00Speaker 00

  Just the beauty of the paintings, the colors, like thinking about like them inventing these colors. And like, I don't know who works at the Houston Museum, but the placards were gorgeous. Like, well-written, beautiful quotes, and I just couldn't believe that my life brought me accidentally to some of the most beautiful art that's ever been created.

• 46:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:21Speaker 00

  And then I'm having a Michelin star meal. They're like, "Are you celebrating something?" I go, "I didn't even know I was gonna be here today."

• 46:26Speaker 02

  Just being alive.

• 46:26Speaker 00

  I was gonna go to CVS. Like, that was my plan for the day. My plan was I forgot um, soap, and so I was like, "I need to go buy soap and maybe I'll, I'll hit the elliptical and go to the pool." And then I was like, "Wait." And then 10 minutes later, I'm in a kusama room, bawling. You know, thinking about her, like all these men stole her ideas, like everything she's been through, and now just like we're all connected in these infinite rooms of light all over. It's like, I, yeah, I can't believe it.

• 46:52Speaker 02

  Sounds completely beautiful.

• 46:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 46:54Speaker 02

  I'm quite completely forgetting if we've talked about your feelings on the afterlife. Do you know what happens when we die?

• 46:59Speaker 00

  I hope something fun. I really wanna have a good time. Oh, and I've been re, I've been crying. I read Song of Achilles. Cried for like an hour and a half.

• 47:07Speaker 02

  You cried for an hour and a half reading Song of Achilles?

• 47:08Speaker 00

  And people told me that would cry, and there's a prophecy in the book, so I kind of thought I knew what was gonna happen. And it destroyed me, like everyone said, and I could not stop, like, you know, when you, like, I could not stop bawling.

• 47:21Speaker 02

  That's completely beautiful.

• 47:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, and I was impressed with the author, cause she went to Yale School of Drama to adapt classics to a modern audience. And I go, "You did it. You did it. You did it, bitch."

• 47:32Speaker 02

  Hey girl, mission accomplished.

• 47:34Speaker 00

  And it took her 10 years to write it.

• 47:35Speaker 02

  Oh, I bet.

• 47:36Speaker 00

  And it just was like beautiful, obviously gay. Um, obviously, I can't get it into a different storyline.

• 47:47Speaker 02

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• 51:05Speaker 02

  You didn't answer me, though. You hope something fun. What fun? Which, how would it be fun? What do you want the fun to be?

• 51:10Speaker 00

  I don't know. I, God, because, I don't know. I really don't know. But I hope it's not just donezo. Maybe coming back with more knowledge.

• 51:21Speaker 02

  Back to Earth?

• 51:22Speaker 00

  Maybe.

• 51:23Speaker 02

  Yeah?

• 51:24Speaker 00

  But I would love to float around.

• 51:25Speaker 02

  Yeah? On Earth?

• 51:27Speaker 00

  Float around.

• 51:28Speaker 02

  Or just in the outer space?

• 51:29Speaker 00

  Or maybe like, hopefully I'll fall in love deeply with someone and then you get to be with like your soulmate forever and like, I don't know.

• 51:37Speaker 02

  Do you have a faith?

• 51:37Speaker 00

  If I could hang out with like penguins and like...

• 51:40Speaker 02

  You can hang out with penguins, then yeah, I think that could totally happen.

• 51:43Speaker 00

  I don't know. I really don't. I'm Jewish.

• 51:46Speaker 02

  Why not?

• 51:46Speaker 00

  They don't believe in devil. I mean, they don't believe in like hell and devil.

• 51:49Speaker 02

  Yeah. When I say do you have a faith, I mean, do you, do you believe in God, like Jewish God?

• 51:54Speaker 00

  I believe, no, I'm like a mother nature girl, like the earth, intuition, spirits. So like my grandma, on my mom's side, she would read cards for the community. And so she was witchy, so I feel really like connected to her. I believe in like, yeah, instincts, like maybe Quaker. Maybe I'm a Quaker. Like God is within all of us.

• 52:13Speaker 02

  Aren't Quakers like really, really peaceful and non-confrontational?

• 52:20Speaker 02

  I'm just checking. I'm not refuting you, I'm just checking.

• 52:23Speaker 00

  You're right. That's why they were all murdered by the Puritans.

• 52:26Speaker 02

  Well, there's something to be said about that.

• 52:27Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 52:28Speaker 02

  There's something to be said about that.

• 52:29Speaker 00

  And yeah, the Shakers and the Quakers just demolished by the Puritans. Um...

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• 53:50Speaker 00

  No, I think, because to me, it's like anytime we deny ourselves is when bad things happen, I think. Like anytime I have an instinct, I don't follow it, it's always a mess. And so I think it's, I think instead of looking for God elsewhere, we should look for it within us.

• 54:03Speaker 02

  Yeah. Are your parents like that? Do your parents have a...

• 54:06Speaker 00

  My dad's 88. He's going to synagogue every Saturday. Yeah, he's, um, once he hit 80, it's every week synagogue for sure.

• 54:13Speaker 02

  Starts to feel real important to start thinking about the next chapter.

• 54:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, so, and they, well, they're like from the hol- they're straight from the Holocaust, so they're very tied to their faith, but it's Soviet Union, Stalin, so it wasn't allowed. So like, it's not like they know, so they are very connected because of tragedy, but like, they're eating dairy and meat.

• 54:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 54:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 54:37Speaker 02

  Which I think, yeah, that seems like...

• 54:39Speaker 00

  But to them, it's like family. Like I think my mom's like addicted to family. She really didn't have a life outside of family.

• 54:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 54:44Speaker 00

  And that's why she was like really sad that I don't want children. And she cried one time, and I said, I think the reason you want me to have kids is once you're dead, you want me to know how much you suffered raising me. And she went, maybe you're right. And she's never brought it up again.

• 54:59Speaker 02

  She said, well, that seems like the end of that conversation. Yeah.

• 55:02Speaker 00

  But to her, it's like everything for your children and grandchildren. You take your kid, I don't care if it's snowing, you get him fresh air, you cook fresh, you give, you feed soups to your grandkids. Like to her, it's like family is God, I feel. And, um, that leaves her empty because we are, we've all ditched her, you know?

• 55:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:20Speaker 00

  Um, and then my father, he's like authoritative. I don't know, I think he just believes in like misogyny, traditional gender roles.

• 55:27Speaker 02

  Yeah. Misogyny is such a powerful and awesome thing to believe in.

• 55:30Speaker 00

  It's actually the only core tenet of most religions is subjugation of women.

• 55:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:35Speaker 00

  That's what they all have in common.

• 55:36Speaker 02

  Yeah. They actually, uh, you know, uh, the founding fathers.

• 55:42Speaker 00

  But it is wild, like you would, yeah, I like that people were like fucking people with no eyes, legs, wooden teeth, like everyone's fucking. Like what you were saying, like, you know?

• 55:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:52Speaker 00

  They were really open-minded to injury.

• 55:57Speaker 02

  Disability was not such a big deal back then. It was able to happen easily.

• 56:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 56:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, they talked more about, uh, they talked more about voting rights for slaves than they did for women. I'll tell you that much. From what I'm hearing, they were not interested in talking about women voting at all. They're like, well, of course your husband votes for the household. And then there were like a lot of guys at the thing that were like, hey, this slavery business is, cannot continue, this gotta stop. And then of course the Southerners were like, no, we won't, uh, we actually won't be involved if you try to do that.

• 56:23Speaker 00

  I just saw a clip online that was like, the South lost the battle, but they actually have won the war in terms of our culture and our country and stuff.

• 56:31Speaker 02

  Hmm, tell me, step that out for me, because I don't know if I agree.

• 56:34Speaker 00

  I agree, like, I don't think the South was punished, and I think the idea is like perme- like what's happening now, like we should have punished the fuck out of them, taken away everything. All slave owners should have had all of their money and assets redistributed, and like the people that are...

• 56:50Speaker 02

  Well, slave owners should have been executed in public.

• 56:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, but those people got to live and their ancestors, their future kin, or all those people have their goods and are continuing ruining the lives of people in this nation. And like racism, like it's all still here, like they didn't lose.

• 57:06Speaker 02

  I don't know if I agree with that. I think that, I do think that, uh, when we abolish slavery, all, I think everybody who owned slaves, of course it wasn't going to happen because many of the founders themselves owned slaves, but I do think they should have been executed in public and we should have made like a showing of it. It just, I think sometimes, I'm watching this, this thing just because I love documentaries, but I'm like, we really simply could never talk enough about how fucking horrific slavery was. And it, like we, it was, it's not even just like, I think people just like painted in their memory as this thing where it's like, oh yeah, people worked for free. And it's like, no, it was so, so, so, so, so much worse and horrific. We should have killed all those people. We didn't, so in that way, I understand the sentiment, but, uh, I don't...

• 57:49Speaker 00

  And in terms of like, like environmental racism, like redlining, school, all of it, like it's still in our society.

• 57:57Speaker 02

  Well, I, yeah, of course, racism is like an inherent part of American society, but I'm...

• 58:01Speaker 00

  But not even in, but like in policy constantly.

• 58:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:05Speaker 00

  Um, like food deserts, it's just like, it's everywhere.

• 58:09Speaker 02

  The realty on racist white people is that it has been turned on them now. Like, the poor white people were racist for so long because they imagined it would never, the system would never disenfranchise them to the extent that it has, and now it has disenfranchised them to that extent, and it's because of their own actions.

• 58:26Speaker 00

  Well, all of it, it goes back to like, like college used to be more affordable, and they're like, wait, wait, no, no, no. Like, and then I was re- I have to read this book, but it was like saying how all communities used to have pools, and then when they wanted to integrate the pools, they were like, we'd rather close the pools. So then, that's why a bunch of places don't have pools, because they didn't, they would rather not have it.

• 58:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 58:46Speaker 00

  And that's with everything. So it's like, maybe they're getting, they're realizing they've been getting fucked, but everyone's been getting fucked.

• 58:53Speaker 02

  What was, what's the first thing you would do if you were leader of the free world? Number one, first thing, day one, number one action?

• 59:00Speaker 00

  I mean, I smiled because I think I would do some executions.

• 59:06Speaker 00

  I'm anti-capital punishment, but I would sell, I would, I, yeah.

• 59:11Speaker 02

  Smiled because I think I would do some executions with like one of the more genuine smiles I've ever seen you have.

• 59:20Speaker 00

  Oh my God, Chance was talking earlier, and I was smiling, but he could tell that, um, it wasn't for what he was saying, and it's because Connor's story got nominated for an Emmy today. And so I got all these text messages congratulating me for his nomination.

• 59:35Speaker 00

  So I've had two big smiles today. Um, and I had a, yeah, McDonald's breakfast always makes me smile.

• 59:41Speaker 02

  Mine is I would ban loud vehicles.

• 59:43Speaker 00

  You would what?

• 59:44Speaker 02

  I would ban loud vehicles, day one.

• 59:46Speaker 00

  Oh, that's like a fun one.

• 59:47Speaker 02

  If you have a car that's intentionally loud, loud muffler, those motorcycles that like rattle the fucking buildings when they go by, I would ban them. And if you tried to make a new one, you would go to prison. Needlessly loud vehicles are the most antisocial, anti-neighbor, unnecessary, dumb fuckery. I think if you have a loud vehicle, you are genuinely to your bones a bad person.

• 1:00:11Speaker 00

  I, yeah.

• 1:00:11Speaker 02

  I don't get it. What's the point?

• 1:00:13Speaker 00

  But what about if it's like Fast and Furious fun racing?

• 1:00:16Speaker 02

  Dangerous, stupid. I hate that even worse. Having a loud vehicle is for, you have the, your brain is the size of a pea.

• 1:00:23Speaker 00

  I thought I was gonna get you with that.

• 1:00:25Speaker 02

  Loud vehicle havers have brains the size of a pea, they're fucking morons, they're, they are, they are a detriment to society. I don't understand it. I do not, the only, the only possible reason to have a loud vehicle is to annoy the people around you, and you should go to prison.

• 1:00:40Speaker 00

  Not with car, you know, I don't, I hate that door handles have shifted. Like we used to have such good door handles.

• 1:00:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:00:46Speaker 00

  I got into a Mustang yesterday, it was a button. I, I just, I don't know. No, I don't want public execution. I would do like, I would, all children get food at school is like the thing I care the most about.

• 1:00:59Speaker 02

  This is a big thing for you, yeah.

• 1:01:00Speaker 00

  I, well, I was on free lunch, you know, all of that, but, um, and my parents starved, so it's like, it's just something, as children, it's just something I think about.

• 1:01:10Speaker 02

  It's something that comes up for me.

• 1:01:13Speaker 00

  Um, my dad eats expired food in the, in the home. Um, I think about it a lot, but I want something fun like you, what you said, instead of executions and like feeding children.

• 1:01:23Speaker 02

  Exactions was the most Lisa answer, and I do love that.

• 1:01:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, but I, I am after, it's tough, it's so hard to be anti-capital punishment, because I want so many people gone.

• 1:01:33Speaker 02

  I know. It becomes a real, it becomes a real issue.

• 1:01:36Speaker 00

  It really does, because I'll read some of these heinous crimes, and I'm like, we need him gone, but it's like, I'm against it, I'm against it. The state should not have state-funded. Oh, I would do, like, I'm into castrations, actually. Yeah, chemical castrations for sex offenders. That would be my first line of business as president.

• 1:01:52Speaker 02

  I, I don't think that makes any sense.

• 1:01:55Speaker 00

  No, I know, but it's what I believe. Italy just passed something like that.

• 1:01:58Speaker 02

  That's a really bad idea for this, on the same exact basis that...

• 1:02:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, no, I know.

• 1:02:02Speaker 02

  Capital punishment is a bad idea, which is that we have a flawed justice system.

• 1:02:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:02:06Speaker 02

  Well, we have a flawed...

• 1:02:06Speaker 00

  But not if I'm in charge.

• 1:02:07Speaker 02

  Criminal system. I think the criminal system would still be flawed if you were in charge. Don't you imagine?

• 1:02:12Speaker 00

  No, because I'd get everyone so much money, attention, love, therapy, education. I think there would be no crime.

• 1:02:21Speaker 02

  I, I really, really...

• 1:02:23Speaker 00

  But I would lock up sociopaths as children.

• 1:02:30Speaker 00

  No, I'm being hyperbolic, but it's just hard. It's like, things are complicated. I just watched Mother's Instinct. Did you watch that documentary?

• 1:02:37Speaker 02

  Oh, my God. Crazy.

• 1:02:39Speaker 00

  Crazy.

• 1:02:40Speaker 02

  I've watched every documentary. There's like not a documentary that I won't watch.

• 1:02:42Speaker 00

  So, yeah, when you hear about her, it's like, yes, she should be on death row for sure. But then it's like, but I, I, I am against, I don't know. It's like really hard.

• 1:02:49Speaker 02

  It is really hard. That, that is the type of case that makes me really reconsider my opposition.

• 1:02:54Speaker 00

  But I hated the husband. I hated the husband. He's like, yeah, I like her. She does what I say and cooks and she's gonna have a lot of money. And it's like, okay, that, like, it just, that bothered me too.

• 1:03:04Speaker 02

  Well, yeah, he was annoying, but he didn't like commit murder.

• 1:03:06Speaker 00

  Yeah. But he enabled her.

• 1:03:10Speaker 02

  You want him to get charged?

• 1:03:13Speaker 00

  No, but it is funny, because like what she did was heinous. Like, what she did is awful.

• 1:03:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:03:18Speaker 00

  So I would never, but like, men kill pregnant women every day, multiple times a day. And so it is this thing of like when a woman, it's this horrific crazy thing, but it happens daily.

• 1:03:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:03:29Speaker 00

  Men do it all the time. Like, the worst woman we know is like a chill good dude.

• 1:03:34Speaker 02

  The worst woman we know is a chill dude.

• 1:03:36Speaker 00

  Just like an average man.

• 1:03:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:03:37Speaker 00

  Like, the worst woman we know and a behavior, like the wor, the worst woman is just a guy.

• 1:03:43Speaker 02

  You know, I, my theory for year, I've been saying for years, men are evil, women are annoying.

• 1:03:47Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:03:48Speaker 02

  Those are the big crimes of each gender.

• 1:03:49Speaker 00

  Wait, you gotta put that on merch.

• 1:03:51Speaker 02

  Men are so evil and do horrific, horrific, and it's not to say women can't be evil.

• 1:03:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:03:55Speaker 02

  But overall, most women are just annoying, if they have a crime at all.

• 1:03:58Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:03:59Speaker 02

  If, if they have a crime at all, it's being annoying and that's not a big deal.

• 1:04:02Speaker 00

  I wonder if women would be less annoying with more power.

• 1:04:04Speaker 02

  I doubt it.

• 1:04:07Speaker 02

  And I, by the way, I'm just saying, I'm not saying all women are annoying or all men are evil.

• 1:04:11Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:04:11Speaker 02

  I'm saying the extremes of both gender are such that it most often falls into the most annoying person you know is a woman, the most evil person you know is a man.

• 1:04:20Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:04:20Speaker 02

  And I say that with all the love in my heart to both genders.

• 1:04:22Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:04:23Speaker 02

  I love my boys.

• 1:04:24Speaker 00

  Wait, I looked at this bottle. I think also, um, I would do more vacations for people.

• 1:04:33Speaker 00

  You know?

• 1:04:36Speaker 00

  Cause I was thinking, everyone should have clear water. You shouldn't have to pay for it. And then I was like, also, I want people in the lakes more often. And then I was like, yeah, more vacation.

• 1:04:43Speaker 02

  You're speaking to my thing in a big way.

• 1:04:45Speaker 00

  More vaca, because everyone's like, how's everyone from the World Cup here? And it's like their countries let them chill out.

• 1:04:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, they get paid, they get to go to other places. They get to relax. They get off work.

• 1:04:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:04:54Speaker 02

  They get off work in a big way.

• 1:04:55Speaker 00

  Yeah, I think, yeah, more vacations would help people. I think, yeah, I don't know if you'd want me to help you, but I think me and you in charge would be good.

• 1:05:03Speaker 02

  I don't trust your temperament.

• 1:05:05Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:05:06Speaker 02

  To be in my, to be in my administration. I worry that you would go off on side quests and do things that I don't approve of.

• 1:05:12Speaker 00

  No, I would definitely have like, um, a SEAL Team Five group.

• 1:05:16Speaker 02

  I worry that you would have, yeah.

• 1:05:18Speaker 00

  I would have a group of assassins.

• 1:05:19Speaker 02

  I worry that I would get a briefing that's like, uh, Mr. President, I'm the president. It's like, Mr. President, the Vice President has assembled another paramilitary group to go after her enemies. The news is pretty upset about it. And I'd be like, Lisa.

• 1:05:31Speaker 00

  Yeah, no, for sure. No, that's what my mom told me. She said I'm too volatile for a gun when I told her I wanted one.

• 1:05:38Speaker 00

  Cause I want like weapons for the, you know, when shit goes down.

• 1:05:41Speaker 02

  Yeah. I, I, that is such a funny sentiment to me. A lot of my friends are on that right now and we just are not gonna win regardless.

• 1:05:47Speaker 00

  No, you're, no, I know. But I found, I haven't ordered them yet, but there's, um, tasers that you can wear on your knuckles.

• 1:05:53Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:05:54Speaker 00

  I, but the thing with all these weapons is you have to charge them. And it's like, the, the, the end is here. Like, what are we doing? My friend gave me like a pluggable light, open, like things in the apocalypse. I'm like, but where will be, we be charging?

• 1:06:07Speaker 02

  Uh, solar is what you should be looking into, of course.

• 1:06:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:06:11Speaker 02

  You need to be looking into solar powered stuff, guns, solar powered, solar powered.

• 1:06:15Speaker 00

  I've never even shot it. I don't want to. I, I don't want to, actually. Like, I know I'm, I've never been in a physical fight.

• 1:06:20Speaker 02

  Really?

• 1:06:21Speaker 00

  No.

• 1:06:21Speaker 02

  That is shocking.

• 1:06:22Speaker 00

  I know.

• 1:06:23Speaker 02

  I don't know if you've told me that before, but it's shocking.

• 1:06:25Speaker 00

  I've never been in a physical fight. Four, um, girls tried to beat me up one day in high school and they were like at my locker and I went, I have to get to swim practice. Are you gonna hit me or not? Like, we got, like, I don't, I don't know what we're gonna do. And they didn't. I think people think I'm more tough than I am or something because of my mouth, but like, and I do stand up for people, but like, yeah, I've never, and I hope to never be in a physical fight.

• 1:06:46Speaker 02

  Do you think your attitude would change if you got hit really hard in the face one time? Do you think you would be less the way you are?

• 1:06:52Speaker 00

  Um.

• 1:06:53Speaker 02

  Like, if you, if you like went up to someone and you're like.

• 1:06:55Speaker 00

  No, I'd be like J Lo in the movie Enough. It would like actually fuel me.

• 1:06:58Speaker 02

  Are you sure? Like, if you? Just picture this. You're doing one of your classic Lisa things and you like, you're like, I don't know, a man like stands weird near you and you feel confronted by it. And you go, excuse me, we're all waiting in the line and I know you can see that. Do you, do you wanna tell me why you think you, and then just immediately, bop. Let's make it a woman. A woman does that.

• 1:07:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:07:18Speaker 02

  And you're like, excuse me, I think you saw there was a line here. Why did you, and she just, pu, punches the fuck out of you in the face. Do you think the next time you wanted to confront a stranger like that, you would think twice and hesitate?

• 1:07:29Speaker 00

  No, because I think I'm like delusional enough that I think I could fight back. I don't.

• 1:07:33Speaker 02

  Oh, you think you would beat that woman up?

• 1:07:35Speaker 00

  Oh, I don't want to. I.

• 1:07:36Speaker 02

  Brilliant of me to make it a woman.

• 1:07:37Speaker 00

  I stepped up to a woman at the bar on Sunday. That bothered me.

• 1:07:41Speaker 02

  Okay. What did she do?

• 1:07:44Speaker 00

  I was wa, so the Mex, I was at a Mexican spot. So like the Mexico game was packed. Um, but I had a seated bar, but I went to the bathroom on my way out. I hear a woman go, she stepped on my foot. And so I heard that. So in my brain, I go, I'm gonna buy her a shot. So I turn around and I go, are you okay? That nice. And she goes, you stepped on my foot. And I went, well, you're in a crowded bar, you dumb bitch. And then I walked away.

• 1:08:10Speaker 00

  Like, and I walked away, but in my head, I was like, I wish I could have just slammed her face on the table.

• 1:08:16Speaker 02

  Lisa.

• 1:08:17Speaker 00

  I turned around to be like, are you, like, yeah, someone's gonna step on your foot. There's 400 people in here.

• 1:08:21Speaker 02

  It's really fucking packed, yeah.

• 1:08:22Speaker 00

  Like, that's such a crazy thing to like be mad at someone about. I don't know. And I'm like, you're also standing by the bathroom. Like, you're gonna get stepped on more. People are gonna be like. I don't know. I.

• 1:08:34Speaker 02

  How do you imagine you would have handled it?

• 1:08:36Speaker 00

  Because it made Snooki more powerful when she got popped on TV.

• 1:08:39Speaker 02

  Yeah. How do you imagine you would have handled it had your foot been stepped on?

• 1:08:43Speaker 00

  I honestly, just the, I just am like so into the World Cup, but like, I just.

• 1:08:51Speaker 00

  When we're all toget, like, we're all together. I don't know. Cause there was another girl kind of rude to the bartender. When she got a little water spilled on her and I didn't like it. Like, we're, like, when you're crowded, I don't know. I don't know.

• 1:09:03Speaker 02

  I've had a recent thing, I don't know.

• 1:09:04Speaker 00

  Maybe I would have gone out. If someone turned around and went, are you okay? In a nice voice.

• 1:09:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:07Speaker 00

  I would have been like, oh, my God, yes.

• 1:09:09Speaker 02

  I do believe that.

• 1:09:10Speaker 00

  I think I would have like, fully been like, oh, God, it's crazy in here. I would have like, uh, told, I would have been like, I'm glad she checked in on me.

• 1:09:18Speaker 02

  I do believe that.

• 1:09:19Speaker 00

  I do wanna think about this popping, because if a man hit me in front of other people, I think men would hope.

• 1:09:24Speaker 02

  You know they wouldn't. You know they wouldn't. Men, men don't really intervene like that anymore.

• 1:09:30Speaker 00

  If I got hit really hard with that, my personality.

• 1:09:35Speaker 02

  I didn't say help your personality.

• 1:09:36Speaker 00

  Oh, what did you?

• 1:09:37Speaker 02

  I said, do, do you think it would, help your personality is crazy. I said, do you think it would change the way you react to stuff?

• 1:09:45Speaker 00

  I don't know, because I played football and I got the shit beat out of me. Like, I don't know. I, um, maybe, I don't know. We'd have to.

• 1:09:51Speaker 02

  We'd have to see.

• 1:09:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, the collaborate, yeah, if you see me out and about.

• 1:09:54Speaker 02

  If you're a woman and you wanna punch Lisa really hard, let's just see if it doesn't.

• 1:09:57Speaker 00

  I'm starting boxing next week.

• 1:09:59Speaker 02

  That's good.

• 1:10:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, so we'll see how that goes.

• 1:10:03Speaker 02

  I have a weird thing going on. The biggest confrontations I get in revolver on biking, because people are insane to like, to people on bikes. I'm working myself a cyclist. I'm on a city bike. But people are insane to people on bikes. And also people on bikes are insane as well.

• 1:10:14Speaker 00

  And it's like people are careless. Like, I almost just opened the door and someone screamed. And I, thank God he screamed you, but like, yeah, the, how quickly you could fuck someone up.

• 1:10:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:10:23Speaker 00

  By being careless is.

• 1:10:24Speaker 02

  You could kill someone in an instant. Yeah.

• 1:10:26Speaker 00

  It's tough to think about.

• 1:10:27Speaker 02

  A really interesting thing that keeps happening to me is that other fat guys, when they get mad at me about biking, are calling me fat ass. And I'm like, you are fat as fuck, first of all. Don't call me fat ass. You are also fucking fat. Find a different insult.

• 1:10:40Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:10:40Speaker 02

  And re, I, I yelled at a guy really bad on the, did I would say this on the pod already? A guy on the, on Knicks, on Knicks, the night that the Knicks won the championship. Me and my friends had biked into Manhattan. There was this situation where there were a million people on bikes that night. Of course, everyone's trying to go have fun. And we, it was, we had gotten off the bridge into Manhattan. And we were trying to turn left, but you need to get out of the bike lane so that you can wait for the light to turn so that you can cross traffic. There were like 20 cyclists there and there's maybe room for three. So like, there's, there's backup into the bike lane, but I was one of the people that had found a way off. And this guy, there was like this straight couple standing there on their bikes. And this guy goes, oh, my God, we're huge fans. And I was like, oh, thank you so much.

• 1:11:18Speaker 02

  And then my friends had biked up behind me, all sweethearts, and they had gotten stuck in the bike lane, like sitting, trying to get off, but there was no room. And this fucking fat, ugly white guy bikes up behind them and goes, get out of the fucking bike lane. And I went, hey, they're trying their best. There's no need for that. He's like now stopped. I said, hey, they're trying their best. There's no need for that. In that tone, not too mean, just like, relax. And he goes, shut up, fat ass. And I go, fuck you, bitch. Get off your bike. And then he kept biking. And I was like, that's what I thought. And he didn't say another word. And then this, and I would have fought him, because I was like, you're still being so mean right now. And you, I could tell he was weak. I know I could have hurt him. And.

• 1:11:58Speaker 00

  And you're famously strong.

• 1:11:59Speaker 02

  I would have just taken him to the, I would have grabbed his head like this, kind of like I would do to Nicole if she charged me right now.

• 1:12:06Speaker 02

  If Nicole were to charge me right now, or if that man were to have gotten off his bike and brought his fat ass over to my direction, I would have just grabbed his head and taken him to the ground like this and put him down there.

• 1:12:16Speaker 00

  So you have the same head grabbing instincts?

• 1:12:18Speaker 02

  And then started just kind of, you know?

• 1:12:20Speaker 00

  We just can't go to prison.

• 1:12:21Speaker 02

  We can't go to prison, but yeah, if the guy on the bike or Nicole were to charge at me, the way that I would place them on the ground quickly and then start hitting, but then the straight guy that said he was a fan, I forgot they were there, so that's obviously a little embarrassing. He goes, "You're my hero." And I said, "That's pretty cool."

• 1:12:37Speaker 00

  I keep thinking about getting, I'm trying to think where I'd get hit, like where my, where my...

• 1:12:42Speaker 02

  You'd get hit in the cheek.

• 1:12:43Speaker 00

  Where, no, no, no, like, like where am I? Am I in line? Am I out and about? Like, because what would make me mad enough that I would engage with someone that I think would be threatening to me? And it's like, I think I'd try, like, I'm trying to think, because I think most of the people I engage with deserve it.

• 1:12:57Speaker 02

  I think you genui-, generally, I think you're on the right side of things.

• 1:13:02Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:13:02Speaker 02

  Your approach sometimes...

• 1:13:03Speaker 00

  I've been wrong, but then I always, I always come around even if I'm slow.

• 1:13:05Speaker 02

  Yeah. I think your approach sometimes, it could get you hit.

• 1:13:10Speaker 00

  I know.

• 1:13:10Speaker 02

  I'm surprised you haven't been hit. I'll be honest about that.

• 1:13:13Speaker 00

  I know.

• 1:13:13Speaker 02

  I'm totally surprised by that.

• 1:13:14Speaker 00

  I know.

• 1:13:15Speaker 02

  I'm glad you've never been hit. I am surprised that no one's ever just been like, "I'm gonna hit this bitch."

• 1:13:19Speaker 00

  I just remembered, someone punched me in the shoulder, but I guess, but like, without the face, it's like, what are you gonna do?

• 1:13:26Speaker 02

  No, you gotta hit someone in the face for it to matter.

• 1:13:27Speaker 00

  Or like stomach or something.

• 1:13:29Speaker 02

  Or stomach. Stomach's the worst, actually.

• 1:13:30Speaker 00

  I don't know. I just, I hope not. I hope not.

• 1:13:34Speaker 02

  That you never get hit?

• 1:13:35Speaker 00

  Yeah, I, oh, wait, oh, this is such a popular podcast. Can I do a plea to the internet?

• 1:13:40Speaker 02

  Of course.

• 1:13:40Speaker 00

  I really wanna be in Mortal Kombat 3, so if you're, um, working on the next one, please, I have a good idea.

• 1:13:48Speaker 02

  What's the idea?

• 1:13:49Speaker 00

  Okay, listen to this. So, you know how like, you go into the Mortal Kombat realm with the lightnings?

• 1:13:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:13:55Speaker 00

  So then, I'm just like, kind of like a fun waitress, and I see the lightning, and I go, "Whoa," and then I enter, and then I immediately get killed.

• 1:14:05Speaker 02

  I kinda want you to dream bigger.

• 1:14:07Speaker 00

  Or I run a little bit, but I think it'd be so funny and shocking. Or maybe I can run a little bit and then get, you know? But I, I don't think someone regular like me would survive in the Mortal Kombat, and so I wanna be like grounded in reality.

• 1:14:18Speaker 02

  I want you to give yourself more lines than just waitress who says, "Whoa." I do want you to aim for, if you, if you are somebody who can make this happen in Mortal Kombat, I do want you to give Lisa more lines than "Whoa."

• 1:14:27Speaker 00

  Okay, yeah, okay, okay, I'll take that.

• 1:14:29Speaker 02

  I want that for you. Are there any other things you wanna plea for while you have the audience? This'll probably get a fair amount of views and listens.

• 1:14:35Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah. I would love if anyone can show the guys from Heated Rivalry my Simpsons thing that I made, because I recreated all of Heated Rivalry scene by scene using images from The Simpsons. It took me about four days. It's so good, and it's, I'm really proud of it, and I pinned it, so it's just on the top of my Instagram.

• 1:14:58Speaker 02

  Okay. So you just want those guys to see that?

• 1:15:01Speaker 00

  Um, yeah. And, yeah, I, yeah, I think they would, uh, be touched by the thoughtfulness I put into it.

• 1:15:08Speaker 02

  Okay, that's beautiful.

• 1:15:09Speaker 00

  And the attention to detail.

• 1:15:11Speaker 02

  Guys, if you don't mind, if you could just like start tagging the Heated Rivalry guys and Lisa's, uh, Simpsons remake of their show?

• 1:15:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:15:18Speaker 02

  That would be beautiful. I think that's something we could do for you. You're a beloved member of the community.

• 1:15:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:15:21Speaker 02

  Someone listening to the show knows those guys and could slip it to them, for sure.

• 1:15:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:15:25Speaker 02

  Someone listening right now has their phone number.

• 1:15:26Speaker 00

  It's, and, and the cottage is split into two collages, so like, you think you're done, go to, there's 13 total slides.

• 1:15:35Speaker 02

  What's so true to you, Lisa?

• 1:15:36Speaker 00

  I've been thinking about this for days. Like, I, it's so stressful, and, um, what is so true? I'm like, still getting, I'm still like stuck on getting punched somewhere, you know what I mean?

• 1:15:48Speaker 02

  I know, I really accidentally, there's, I think I've made...

• 1:15:51Speaker 00

  Because I don't like paying...

• 1:15:51Speaker 02

  Potentially two mistakes in this episode. One was, uh, bringing up the founding fathers like a third time, and then getting us sort of on a track, talking about like whether or not the country is, uh, like whether or not the Confederacy ultimately won. That was one misstep in the episode.

• 1:16:05Speaker 00

  I know, I also have to stop talking so serious about things that I've read like one paragraph from, you know?

• 1:16:09Speaker 02

  You did say, "I need to read this book," and then went in pretty passionately on what you think is the thesis of it.

• 1:16:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:16:15Speaker 02

  Which is something I love about you. That was one potential misstep in the episode.

• 1:16:18Speaker 00

  No, talk about the founding fathers. I just don't know something about it, so if I don't know something, I don't like it.

• 1:16:21Speaker 02

  The other misstep...

• 1:16:22Speaker 00

  It's kinda like when you guys, yeah.

• 1:16:23Speaker 02

  You and the founding fathers have a lot in common. The other misstep, well, obviously, was bringing up whether or not you think you would, um, change if you got punched in the face.

• 1:16:31Speaker 00

  But are you inspired by the founding fathers, or did you just like...

• 1:16:35Speaker 02

  I, I am inspired. There are things about the founding of this country that I find radical.

• 1:16:40Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:16:40Speaker 02

  Uh, do I think highly of any of those people? Obviously not. But do I think bucking imperial rule and founding your own country and choosing to have it be a democracy when you could have just made your own monarchy? Yeah, I think there are some elements of that that are very interesting.

• 1:16:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:16:57Speaker 02

  And I think there are, there are elements of any revolution that I think are inspiring and interesting. I'm more inspired by the people than the, like, than like George Washington or something. But I think it's really silly to write off that entire process and what has come to be like actually one of the most consequential revolutions in the history of the world. Uh, not the most, but one of, certainly. I think America's like status in the world at this point, for better or for worse, points to that being like incredibly consequential. So yeah, there, there are things about, um, that period of time and some of the people who participated that I find inspiring.

• 1:17:34Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:17:36Speaker 02

  You know?

• 1:17:36Speaker 00

  Yeah, fuck yeah. Fuck the king.

• 1:17:38Speaker 02

  Fuck the king. And I, I, I go back, because the 4th of July just happened, I've, I've been thinking a lot, again, as I do every year, about how I feel about this country.

• 1:17:46Speaker 00

  Well, I saw someone in my stories looking at the Declaration of Independence, and they were crying, and I cry at art, so like, I understand, but I was like, "What?"

• 1:17:53Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 1:17:54Speaker 00

  Would you cry if you were in the room with it?

• 1:17:55Speaker 02

  Certainly not, but there, I get it, I think. Like, there's a part of me that's like, "I don't know, spend some time like watching something about it and thinking about what actually happened," and I don't know, there, I get it. No, I would not. I don't feel that way about this country or its founding documents, uh, for the obvious reasons. But I don't know. I think about whether or not I love this country all the time, and I think I actually do, and I think that's a kind of an unpopular opinion.

• 1:18:20Speaker 00

  No, I think that's why, uh, the World Cup also, it's like people having fun going to these cities and being like, "Oh, I'm having a nice time with these Americans that I thought were all like evil and gun and, and crazy, you know?"

• 1:18:31Speaker 02

  Well, I love Americans. I've always said that. I love Americans. I think we're awesome. I really, really love us. I completely love Americans. I think we're great. America the government is obviously not a thing I'm like, a big on. I'm not like a loving what we're doing.

• 1:18:46Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:18:46Speaker 02

  Or have ever done. But I love Americans, and I love like the land of this country, and I'm, so then I think, does that mean you love the country? Like, what does it mean to love a country?

• 1:18:55Speaker 00

  Well, you know what it means? I think Mom Donnie did this, where it's just like, "I feel proud to be in New York City. I feel cool. Like, I feel like awesome. He's doing cool things." So like, that, if that was everywhere, like, that would be great if people had leadership like that.

• 1:19:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, and also, America...

• 1:19:09Speaker 00

  He makes me feel so good.

• 1:19:11Speaker 02

  I feel good about New Yorkers. I don't feel good because of Mom Donnie. I feel good about New Yorkers. I feel good that New Yorkers elected a person who shares those kind of values. I, Mom Donnie to me...

• 1:19:22Speaker 00

  I like, he's a little petty too. I like it.

• 1:19:24Speaker 02

  I like Mom Donnie plenty. I don't, I, he is not the reason I love New York.

• 1:19:27Speaker 00

  No, I didn't say that.

• 1:19:29Speaker 02

  I know, but there is a feeling going on right now that I'm, I'm not liking the Mom Donnie stan shit. That's not cute to me. I'm not enjoying the like, uh, fangirlification of Mom Donnie.

• 1:19:39Speaker 00

  I bought a candle with his face on it.

• 1:19:40Speaker 02

  And I don't like that. I don't like that at all.

• 1:19:42Speaker 00

  I was blackout. I have to talk to the store, because I also spent 42... Because I go in there constantly in a blackout, and then I'm like, "Okay, I spent $45 on stickers," um, and they can't keep allowing me to do this.

• 1:19:54Speaker 02

  They need to start turning you away.

• 1:19:55Speaker 00

  They do. Um, but I just can't, but I go in there drunk, because I love it in there.

• 1:20:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:20:01Speaker 00

  Um, random accessories, 4th Street, but they gotta put a stop to it.

• 1:20:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, I, so anyway, but the point is, my second mistake was bringing up the punch. It clearly affected you, and now what is so true to you?

• 1:20:12Speaker 00

  What is so true to me? Being a regular is the best.

• 1:20:18Speaker 02

  The only thing.

• 1:20:19Speaker 00

  And it is worth time and effort, and you shouldn't ever expect prizes for being a regular. The experience in and of itself is it, like, but yeah, knowing everyone's name, having a place, waving to the mailman, like, having just a final beer before you go home, or just...

• 1:20:37Speaker 02

  Or right when you wake up.

• 1:20:42Speaker 02

  Just fresh out of bed even too, I think. Can be a beautiful part of being a regular somewhere. Just to stop the shaking.

• 1:20:52Speaker 00

  And all of the bartenders, and you know, and then you beca- then you know, all the bartenders. I think just like knowing the people at your spots, having your spots, loving the food, like, definitely go to new places, but like, I just find, I've always wanted to be a regular. And now that I have, I have that at these certain places, it just feels awesome.

• 1:21:15Speaker 02

  My whole life, I knew I wanted to be a regular.

• 1:21:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:21:17Speaker 02

  Ever since I was a little kid, I wanted to be a regular.

• 1:21:20Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:21:20Speaker 02

  It's beautiful. I love being a regular.

• 1:21:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, just a place to, like, people keep talking about these third spaces and it's like, you can, if you put your time and effort. And then you get to know the other regulars and, you know, you're all, the laptop, oh, how was this? And I just like, I, yeah, I don't hate small talk, like, I like it.

• 1:21:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:21:38Speaker 00

  I did, I did fight, there were people talking about AI and I got involved. And then I go, well, you guys are nerds and losers. And he goes-

• 1:21:48Speaker 02

  That's actually pretty tame for you.

• 1:21:49Speaker 00

  And he goes, well, you don't have any grace, what did he say? Gl- grace, something. I go, I'm not here to have grace. And he goes, yeah, that's obvious. And then I got tense, I go, you guys could go back to your combo, everything's fine.

• 1:22:03Speaker 02

  Go back to loving AI, no worries, no worries.

• 1:22:05Speaker 00

  Uh, yeah, but I, I like seeing, like, the same people, it just feels great and I hope that everyone finds a spot. Or like, my brother-in-law was a regular somewhere and, uh, my sister went to get him caught and she just showed a photo and goes, whatever he gets. And they just knew.

• 1:22:21Speaker 02

  That's really cute.

• 1:22:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, and, um, just feeling chill, relaxed, a place to do work, I love it. It means so much to me. It's embarrassing how much it means to me.

• 1:22:31Speaker 02

  Not embarrassing, I love it about you. And I have a question for you.

• 1:22:33Speaker 00

  And I loved when we, like, when we go to, when we went to that one spot with the sam- like, that I loved.

• 1:22:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm sorry, you're gonna have to give me more.

• 1:22:40Speaker 00

  I could give the name.

• 1:22:42Speaker 02

  Oh, sure, yeah, yeah.

• 1:22:42Speaker 00

  I, like, loved, you knew the bartender, we had our fa- like, I just like, I love it.

• 1:22:48Speaker 02

  It's really fun. I wanna be a regular more places, I wanna expand my regularity.

• 1:22:52Speaker 00

  Even though, like, I'm at a comedy club, so it's like a little bit of my job, but just, I love being able to go there whenever I want to. Like, just go into the cellar and have some hummus.

• 1:23:02Speaker 02

  Going back to a place that you perform a lot and, and the staff remembering you and, like, just having a relationship with people is like, oh my God, it kinda feels like home.

• 1:23:11Speaker 00

  Yeah, feels like home and then everyone else is a loser. No, um, yeah, I love the bar, because I've been reading. Oh, also, reading is awesome. And I can't believe I missed out, whatever, whatever was servicing my life, I needed that, but like,

• 1:23:27Speaker 00

  all the posters were right. Reading has changed my life.

• 1:23:30Speaker 02

  All the posters were right is killing me, Lisa.

• 1:23:32Speaker 00

  Reading has changed everything.

• 1:23:34Speaker 02

  Yeah, we're about to change your life again, we're gonna play a game.

• 1:23:36Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:23:36Speaker 02

  You ready?

• 1:23:37Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:23:37Speaker 02

  I'm gonna read you 15 statements, you're gonna tell me as quickly as you can if what I just said was true or false. Lisa, if you get 10 or more correct, we're gonna give you 50 US dollars.

• 1:23:43Speaker 00

  And I know you're really into the speed, but I don't like that element of this.

• 1:23:47Speaker 02

  Well, you're gonna need to get, lock in a little bit. For whom the bell tolls was written by F. Scott Fitzgerald.

• 1:23:52Speaker 00

  Who, the bell tolls? What is that?

• 1:23:54Speaker 02

  For whom the bell tolls.

• 1:23:56Speaker 00

  False.

• 1:23:57Speaker 02

  Uh, false, it was Ernest Hemingway. The San Antonio Spurs won their last NBA title in 1999.

• 1:24:02Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:24:02Speaker 02

  False.

• 1:24:03Speaker 00

  Against the Knicks, or was it 2000?

• 1:24:04Speaker 02

  2014.

• 1:24:05Speaker 00

  Oh, they've won again, okay.

• 1:24:06Speaker 02

  Neptune has seven moons.

• 1:24:09Speaker 00

  False.

• 1:24:09Speaker 02

  False, 16. Force equals mass times acceleration.

• 1:24:14Speaker 00

  Yeah, true.

• 1:24:14Speaker 02

  True. Joe Wampler is the current mayor of Skokie, Illinois.

• 1:24:18Speaker 00

  Fuck no. Oh, it is actually. No, no, I think false. I'm a Jan fan, she's just the representative.

• 1:24:26Speaker 02

  Joe Wampler is the current mayor of Skokie, Illinois.

• 1:24:28Speaker 00

  He is. I'm asking, I'm saying false.

• 1:24:33Speaker 02

  Okay, yeah, it's false. And ten, tennis.

• 1:24:35Speaker 00

  Oh, okay.

• 1:24:37Speaker 02

  Octopuses have no bones.

• 1:24:39Speaker 00

  Ooh, and ver- yeah, true.

• 1:24:41Speaker 02

  True. Europe is the smallest continent by landmass.

• 1:24:47Speaker 00

  True.

• 1:24:48Speaker 02

  False, Australia. The first use of a submarine in a war was the American Revolution.

• 1:24:52Speaker 00

  False.

• 1:24:53Speaker 02

  True. The human body has 12 pairs of ribs.

• 1:24:56Speaker 00

  12 pairs. So that'd be 24, we have 24 ribs? No, false.

• 1:25:03Speaker 02

  True.

• 1:25:05Speaker 00

  But I just touched them all.

• 1:25:08Speaker 02

  The fairest of them all was Dolly Parton's first album.

• 1:25:12Speaker 00

  False.

• 1:25:12Speaker 02

  False, Hello, I'm Dolly. A Pentagon has six sides.

• 1:25:16Speaker 00

  Penta, false.

• 1:25:17Speaker 02

  False, five. Tigers have striped skin.

• 1:25:20Speaker 00

  Interesting, or is it the fur that is striped? Is that the question? I'm gonna say false.

• 1:25:25Speaker 02

  It's true. Sabrina Carpenter was born in Yemen.

• 1:25:32Speaker 00

  Okay, true.

• 1:25:33Speaker 02

  False, Pennsylvania.

• 1:25:38Speaker 02

  All isosceles triangles have two equal angles.

• 1:25:42Speaker 00

  Yes, true.

• 1:25:44Speaker 02

  Lottie's Pub is closed on Sundays.

• 1:25:46Speaker 00

  What closed?

• 1:25:46Speaker 02

  Lottie's Pub.

• 1:25:47Speaker 00

  Is closed on Sunday. False.

• 1:25:50Speaker 02

  False. How'd she do? Nine.

• 1:25:52Speaker 00

  Really?

• 1:25:53Speaker 02

  Lisa.

• 1:25:54Speaker 00

  Damn, I thought I, I was rolling.

• 1:25:56Speaker 02

  You did really good, you did really, really good.

• 1:25:57Speaker 00

  I love Lottie's, I would have, uh, tater tots there weekly, Tuesdays at the open mic.

• 1:26:01Speaker 02

  I know you would.

• 1:26:02Speaker 00

  Um, I knew the octopi, I should've known that Sabrina Carpenter was not born in Yemen.

• 1:26:10Speaker 00

  But in my head, I was like, well, maybe they were on vacation or, you know, her dad might work in big oil, like, I, you know, I didn't know.

• 1:26:17Speaker 02

  Completely.

• 1:26:18Speaker 00

  But also submarines in the American Revolution, is that like, was it wooden? Like, what was that? Did you watch that documentary, by the way?

• 1:26:23Speaker 02

  What documentary?

• 1:26:24Speaker 00

  About, like, he's like, um, Elon Musk type of, like, weird sciency guy. And he was building weird things and a journalist came to write about him and then he took her out in the submarine and then tied her up, tortured her, murdered her in the submarine.

• 1:26:40Speaker 02

  What?

• 1:26:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:26:42Speaker 02

  What happened?

• 1:26:43Speaker 00

  He-

• 1:26:44Speaker 02

  He killed her in the submarine? A journalist?

• 1:26:47Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:26:48Speaker 02

  Why, how'd they find out?

• 1:26:50Speaker 00

  So, um, well, they found, uh, well, she went in with him and then didn't come back out. And then they started finding bits of her body in the water, but then they found all of his journals and he just wanted to torture and murder so bad for so long. And he was actually gonna do it to his girlfriend, but she wasn't available that day. And so, like, this girl was doing the article and so they went down together and I just, cause one of my biggest fears, of course, is being like locked in a room and being tortured for a, a long time and no one finding me. I think about that a lot, but then-

• 1:27:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, at that point, you gotta just hope to die quick. You're like, let me die quick.

• 1:27:25Speaker 00

  Of being in the submarine, like, truly knowing there's nowhere to go.

• 1:27:29Speaker 02

  And no one to hear, nothing to do. Wow, that makes me wanna throw up and cry.

• 1:27:32Speaker 00

  Is so scary, but that might be a doc that you might wanna watch.

• 1:27:37Speaker 02

  I don't know if I can, that one sounds a little too, I will, I will.

• 1:27:41Speaker 00

  If you handled Mother's Instinct, I think you could do this.

• 1:27:43Speaker 02

  I don't know, man, that's really tough. Also, her being a journalist, she just wanted to get her story, that makes me wanna fucking throw up.

• 1:27:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:27:49Speaker 02

  Men are really scary, huh?

• 1:27:51Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:27:52Speaker 02

  Really, really scary. I feel really bad for people that have to deal with men.

• 1:27:58Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:27:59Speaker 02

  I mean, obviously, I also have to deal with men, but in a way where it's like, I don't think they're gonna put me in the submarine and do the stu- that kinda stuff.

• 1:28:06Speaker 00

  No.

• 1:28:07Speaker 02

  I do, I had a big fear in high school, that one of my big fears about being on, like, uh, Grindr and, uh, stuff like that in high school.

• 1:28:15Speaker 00

  Now I'm laughing about Sabrina Carpenter being born in Yemen.

• 1:28:17Speaker 02

  I know, I know, she's not from Yemen and the woman in the submarine is resting in peace and I just hope she's somewhere awesome.

• 1:28:22Speaker 00

  But, well, we finished what you were saying, I'm sorry.

• 1:28:24Speaker 02

  Being on Grindr in high school scared me because I read stories about people being like, oh yeah, they went to someone's house for a hookup and then they got like tortured and killed. And so that was a big scary part of my, like, I really thought everyone who messaged me was trying to torture and kill me for a while.

• 1:28:36Speaker 00

  No, fucking strangers is definitely, there's a risk involved.

• 1:28:39Speaker 02

  It's really scary in rural Missouri. You drive 40 hours to someone's house in the middle of nowhere. And you're like, okay, this was a long jer- days and nights journey to get some, some sex. And then all, they could just torture and kill you.

• 1:28:50Speaker 00

  That's like, wow, that was like complaining about going to Prospect Laffaret's Garden. I was like, Jesus Christ, I'm a little desperate for sex, but I was.

• 1:28:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, you went to PLG about it.

• 1:28:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:28:58Speaker 02

  Went to PLG about some dick.

• 1:28:59Speaker 00

  Went to PLG.

• 1:29:01Speaker 02

  That's crazy, went to Prospect Laffaret's Gardens about some dick.

• 1:29:03Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:29:04Speaker 02

  So many people before you have made that journey.

• 1:29:06Speaker 00

  I know, yeah.

• 1:29:08Speaker 02

  That's, that's, so people-

• 1:29:09Speaker 00

  Well, my next journey also has to be like, men have to pay for my cars, I'm not paying for any more cars. If I'm, if you're having sex with me, you have to pay for the car.

• 1:29:16Speaker 02

  If you can't afford to send someone home in an Uber, you can't afford to fuck.

• 1:29:18Speaker 00

  And that's what happened.

• 1:29:19Speaker 02

  That's the rules, especially if they live cross borough.

• 1:29:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, it costs me a lot of money.

• 1:29:25Speaker 02

  Put people in an Uber.

• 1:29:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, so I think that's new because then my other friend had a hookup, like, the, like, she was leaving where we were hanging out to go hook up and he, he got her cars there and back, he knew he was, she was hungry, ordered a pizza, I go, this is, I need this, I need this.

• 1:29:39Speaker 02

  That's really nice.

• 1:29:40Speaker 00

  I need more, um, more effort.

• 1:29:42Speaker 02

  That's really, really nice. Yeah, you gotta be sending people home in a car if you're sleeping with them.

• 1:29:46Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:29:47Speaker 02

  In New York City, I'm sorry, that's just like, come on.

• 1:29:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's like, your cum is still on my body, like-

• 1:29:52Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:29:53Speaker 00

  I have to order my own car. I, I should've said something.

• 1:29:56Speaker 02

  You need to-

• 1:29:57Speaker 00

  But I'm new.

• 1:29:58Speaker 02

  You're new, yeah.

• 1:29:58Speaker 00

  I'm new to reading, I'm new to fucking, I'm like, new to so much.

• 1:30:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:30:02Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:30:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:30:03Speaker 00

  I feel it's like my, um, my new, my renaissance.

• 1:30:06Speaker 02

  It's a total renaissance right now. We're in the renaissance.

• 1:30:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, with New York. I was kind of turned, I didn't know that you would hate Mom Donnie the way you did, um, I thought we would bond over that.

• 1:30:16Speaker 02

  You, I do not hate Mom Donnie, that's not what you took from that, don't play my face.

• 1:30:19Speaker 00

  No, being in New York right now in this, like, um, environment and everything, it feels, it feels like people wanna fuck. I hope I'm married by the end of the year.

• 1:30:28Speaker 02

  I don't hate Mom Donnie, by the way.

• 1:30:29Speaker 00

  No, I know, I know, I know, I know.

• 1:30:30Speaker 02

  I just, do, do you know what I mean, though?

• 1:30:32Speaker 00

  No, the pop culture people, we can't celebrate politicians like this. There are public servants and they need to get to work, but he's doing the work.

• 1:30:38Speaker 02

  He's doing great, I'm really proud of the results, I'm so glad he's our mayor.

• 1:30:42Speaker 00

  And he's representative of all of us in this other beautiful way, you know?

• 1:30:47Speaker 02

  We gotta stop like, yeah, putting his, like, airbrushed face on t-shirts and shit, cause we, there really might come a point where we have to hold him accountable. And how are we gonna do that when we've made him like a fucking, like, prayer candle deity or whatever?

• 1:30:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:30:58Speaker 02

  I think it's as embarrassing as being like a Trump stan.

• 1:31:00Speaker 00

  I will say I have candles of Ab Fab, Mariska Hargitay, Andy Cohen, I have a lot of these prayer candles.

• 1:31:07Speaker 02

  I don't like that either, but it's a different thing to me.

• 1:31:09Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:31:09Speaker 02

  Mariska I'm randomly okay with.

• 1:31:11Speaker 00

  Which one?

• 1:31:12Speaker 02

  Mariska.

• 1:31:12Speaker 00

  Yeah. I saw it on Broadway. Oh, I have another so true.

• 1:31:15Speaker 02

  Do it.

• 1:31:16Speaker 00

  Keep your fucking mouth shut when you're going to see a Broadway show.

• 1:31:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, totally.

• 1:31:23Speaker 00

  It's she, it's this poignant show about, like, suicide and all the, every brilliant thing or like, all the things that hopefully are worth living for and what you could do to help, even though it's never enough for the people that are so mis- like, sad on the inside. It's like, this beautiful show.

• 1:31:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:31:39Speaker 00

  And there is audience participation and she's about to do the last line of the show. And she goes, "One million." And some bitch yells out, "Meeting Mariska Hargitay." And then an applause breaks out, cause no one knows what's happening, and then we, Mariska has to wait to then do this final line of her show. That's supposed to be like, what life's all about. And it just-

• 1:32:03Speaker 02

  People are insane.

• 1:32:04Speaker 00

  It's, I, it truly like, I ended up walking forty-five blocks because I was like so upset.

• 1:32:12Speaker 02

  That is really nuts. That is really, really nuts.

• 1:32:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, behave.

• 1:32:16Speaker 02

  Just shut up. You're not on the stage. You're not the performer. You're not the performer. This is what so many people need to internalize. You are not in the show for a reason. Sit there and watch it or don't go.

• 1:32:27Speaker 00

  And to interrupt at this, the clear end of this play, I don't know. People are a little teary-eyed. It's these moments and I just couldn't believe it. And I wonder if she went backstage and was like, "That fucking bitch," you know, like I-

• 1:32:41Speaker 02

  Of course she did. Of course she did. That's the thing I would really tell these people is when you behave like that, the people that you're like, you're in love with her, she's going backstage and being like, "Well, that fucking idiot ruined the night." Like, they're going backstage and talking about how annoying you were. I guarantee, I promise you, I've seen it a billion times.

• 1:32:59Speaker 00

  Yeah, and it's like, I don't know, it was just, I don't, I don't know, but that's always how, because I remember I saw Ben Harper at the Chicago Theater in my like late teens, maybe, and he sang a cappella at the edge of the stage, no music, no mic, no nothing, and someone kept being like, "Love you, love you," and it's like, I don't get it. Because I was gonna be like blame COVID, but it's always been a thing.

• 1:33:20Speaker 02

  No, no, no, it's not COVID. It's something else.

• 1:33:22Speaker 00

  Narcissism, what?

• 1:33:24Speaker 02

  I guess maybe. I don't know what it is, because I would never do something like that.

• 1:33:28Speaker 00

  Never.

• 1:33:28Speaker 02

  In a million years. I would never in a million years think to do something like that. I just don't get what would possess you. I don't understand, but maybe that's because I get my kicks in another way. I don't know, I don't know. I don't know what's wrong with you. Maybe they've never been out of the house. Maybe they were like Nell and then they got taken to a Broadway show like the day after they got rescued or something? I have no clue. I have no fucking clue.

• 1:33:47Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's, it's hard to be Nell.

• 1:33:50Speaker 02

  It's like you were raised by wolves in a barn or something, and now you've been reintroduced to society.

• 1:33:54Speaker 00

  Honestly, I think wolves would quiet down. I don't think wolves-

• 1:33:57Speaker 02

  Wolves know when to be stealthy.

• 1:33:59Speaker 00

  Yeah, the wolves would chill out.

• 1:34:02Speaker 02

  Liza, this was a beautiful episode.

• 1:34:03Speaker 00

  This was beautiful. Thanks for having me back. Thrilled to be a three-peat guest.

• 1:34:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:34:08Speaker 00

  Pissed that the Spurs won in 2014.

• 1:34:11Speaker 02

  Pissed that Sabrina Carpenter wasn't born in Yemen.

• 1:34:14Speaker 00

  That was like a softball one, too.

• 1:34:16Speaker 02

  I know. Chance actually took it kind of easy on you. He likes you more than other guests. What did he give you? He gave you like the isosceles triangles one?

• 1:34:21Speaker 00

  I know.

• 1:34:22Speaker 02

  Like, he really, he also gave you, he gave you a really easy one that I actually, I remember thinking, "He likes Liza more than other guests." Which one was it? Um, oh, octopuses have no bones? Are you fucking kidding me?

• 1:34:32Speaker 00

  Yeah, because I know that they have nine brains and three hearts. I know a lot.

• 1:34:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, Chance likes you more than other guests.

• 1:34:38Speaker 00

  And he really gave me that softball question and I went, "Who knows what her parents were up to?"

• 1:34:44Speaker 02

  It's completely fair. You did a beautiful job. Do you want to tell people where they can find you and how they can support?

• 1:34:48Speaker 00

  At Glitter Cheese on Instagram, and I have a website. I'm live on the road. Tickets available at all times. I don't think I've ever sold out in my life, so buy a ticket. Buy a ticket. I'm all, I'm all over the nation, playing at strip malls from coast to coast, so check that out. And it's always, we have fun. It's a good show. And I'm on season three of Survival of the Thickest, my Simpsons heated rivalry thing, and I have a podcast that's messed up, an SVU podcast, and I have a Netflix special, which is my life's work, actually, and I don't know why I said it last, but it's called Night Owl, shot in New York City. Did I plug too many things?

• 1:35:29Speaker 02

  You did great. I love you, babe.

• 1:35:30Speaker 00

  Love you. Oh, and me and Jalen Brunson have the same birthday, just so everyone knows.

• 1:35:34Speaker 03

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