Jay Jurden Returns

Welcome! This week’s guest is the hilarious Jay Jurden! Jay and Caleb talk southern traditions, cooking, their many beautiful friendships in the New York comedy scene, what they would save from a burning building, and much more! Join our Substack for ad free full episodes, early access to merch, our community chat, and more! https://calebsaysthings.substack.com/ Follow Jay! @jayjurden Follow the show! @sooootruepod Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloud Go to https://www.squarespace.com/SOTRUE to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code SOTRUE. Shop now at https://Fabletics.com/sotrue to get 70-80% percent off everything when you sign up as a new VIP Rula patients typically pay $15 per session when using insurance. Head to https://RULA.com to find a therapist the easy way. Book your next trip at https://Booking.com. Book today on the site or in the app. Go to https://Audible.com/headswilrollseries to start listening today. So True with Caleb Hearon is edited and engineered by Nicole Lyons. Our social media manager is Virginia Muller. All episodes are filmed in The So Trudio at Legitimate Business World Headquarters in Brooklyn, New York. A Wave series. https://wavesportsandentertainment.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:33Speaker 01

  I found out this past year, some people think I'm mean.

• 0:38Speaker 01

  You're not disagreeing?

• 0:39Speaker 02

  Hmm, I can see how we got there.

• 0:48Speaker 02

  Jay Jurden, how you doing?

• 0:49Speaker 01

  I'm doing good.

• 0:51Speaker 02

  Good to see you.

• 0:51Speaker 01

  Good to see you.

• 0:52Speaker 02

  How you been? What's the news?

• 0:53Speaker 01

  I've been very good. Last time I saw you, I was in the seat at a theater in Los Angeles. And I said, "Who's that at that desk in that movie?"

• 1:02Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:03Speaker 01

  Yes, that's the last time I saw you.

• 1:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, I was up there.

• 1:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, you were traveling, jet setting.

• 1:08Speaker 02

  I was up there, I was up there.

• 1:09Speaker 01

  Now you're in New York.

• 1:10Speaker 02

  I'm in New York City, New York, USA.

• 1:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm proud of you.

• 1:13Speaker 02

  It feels good.

• 1:14Speaker 01

  Stayin' put for a second.

• 1:15Speaker 02

  Barely. Barely. And if I, if everything is on track, I should be getting strep throat again in the next week or two.

• 1:23Speaker 01

  Okay, good, good, good.

• 1:23Speaker 02

  I've been getting strep throat a lot.

• 1:25Speaker 01

  Wait, do we have that on the calendar for Caleb?

• 1:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, let's get that put down. Let's get that put down. Yeah, it should be coming any second.

• 1:30Speaker 01

  Good, good, good, good.

• 1:32Speaker 02

  I don't know what it is, dude. I think I'm gonna have to get a tonsillectomy. I'm really pissed about it.

• 1:36Speaker 01

  Whoa.

• 1:37Speaker 02

  I know, and I'm not good at sitting still, which I'll have to do for about three weeks.

• 1:39Speaker 01

  You're gonna do, you're gonna do the thing where you have a middle school event happen to you as a grown-up? Tonsillectomy.

• 1:48Speaker 02

  That's coming for me.

• 1:48Speaker 01

  First cast, and everyone has this sign.

• 1:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm gonna get braces soon.

• 1:53Speaker 01

  Hey, everyone, invitations for Caleb's bar mitzvah? Are they going out?

• 1:57Speaker 02

  They're going out, yeah.

• 1:59Speaker 01

  $50.

• 2:02Speaker 01

  I, I, I still love money and a card.

• 2:04Speaker 02

  Really?

• 2:05Speaker 01

  Oh, yes. Sometimes you do a show and a very sweet producer, sometimes with a dude, they won't just hand you cash and drink tickets. What they'll do is they'll, they'll give everyone an assigned personalized card with the spot pay in it and you go, ah, this is so nice.

• 2:20Speaker 02

  Those girls are going somewhere.

• 2:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:22Speaker 02

  There's an art to producing a show.

• 2:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:24Speaker 02

  And those girls who take it serious like that, they are going somewhere.

• 2:26Speaker 01

  You know, if you want that to happen on a show, you know what you need? Girls with big old glasses. You need, you need, you need some of these joints.

• 2:33Speaker 02

  And even more than that, a lesbian.

• 2:34Speaker 01

  I said what I said.

• 2:35Speaker 02

  Cause the lesbians.

• 2:36Speaker 01

  What did I say?

• 2:37Speaker 02

  The lesbians in those big glasses take it very seriously.

• 2:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, why the glasses so big? They looking, they, they have been there.

• 2:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:42Speaker 01

  They can see everything.

• 2:45Speaker 01

  You think you can't miss a clitoral hood when your glasses is big?

• 2:49Speaker 02

  No, it's not happening.

• 2:49Speaker 01

  It's not happening.

• 2:52Speaker 01

  I love, I, you love lesbians and you talk about it all the time. I love lesbians, we talk about it all the time. We both discuss fashion influences and cross-cultural exchange, kinda like the Silk Road, really. If we're talking historically, the cross-cultural exchange between lesbian fits and, and, and gay men's fashion. And how sometimes lesbians will say, you dress like me, and then gay boys, no, you dress like me, when really, we should all just be having a good meal together.

• 3:20Speaker 02

  Right.

• 3:20Speaker 01

  Cause sometimes it is a little bit of a spat.

• 3:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 3:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:23Speaker 02

  I mean, the reality is lesbians are dressing like men. That, that is what's going on.

• 3:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, but sometimes, sometimes a man sees a lesbian and goes, oh, I need to dress like that.

• 3:31Speaker 02

  Of course. Which is just a man saying I should dress like a man.

• 3:34Speaker 01

  No.

• 3:35Speaker 02

  That's what it is.

• 3:36Speaker 01

  No, no, no.

• 3:37Speaker 02

  Lesbians, these lesbians think they invented a tank top with trousers, baby.

• 3:42Speaker 02

  I love y'all. You are so important to me. It is not reality.

• 3:46Speaker 01

  No, no, no.

• 3:47Speaker 02

  That started with men.

• 3:48Speaker 01

  Wait a second. No, Christopher Columbus discovered the new world. And I think.

• 3:53Speaker 02

  I love Christopher Columbus. I'm glad he's finally getting his due. Big, big, big fan.

• 3:57Speaker 01

  Caleb really wants, Staten Island's gonna love this episode.

• 4:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:00Speaker 01

  That's just gonna love it. All the people who go, what? National Who Day? When, is there a holiday? Is there a recent holiday that you have like been going up for? Cause like we're talking about how like Columbus Day then became Indigenous Peoples' Day. Is there a holiday you you're going up for, like a federal holiday that you're excited about?

• 4:21Speaker 02

  I've, no, I don't care about holidays. The only, the only holiday I really celebrated all is Thanksgiving.

• 4:26Speaker 01

  Okay, I love that.

• 4:27Speaker 02

  And it's only because I love that meal.

• 4:28Speaker 01

  I love Thanksgiving.

• 4:29Speaker 02

  That's it.

• 4:30Speaker 01

  Do you have stuffing any other time during the year?

• 4:32Speaker 02

  No.

• 4:32Speaker 01

  Okay, you save it.

• 4:33Speaker 02

  No, yeah, it's just for that.

• 4:34Speaker 01

  Sometimes, as a Southern black person, you you can have dressing a couple of times a year.

• 4:39Speaker 02

  Of course.

• 4:40Speaker 01

  You can, you can.

• 4:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 4:42Speaker 01

  You can have cranberry sauce more than once.

• 4:43Speaker 02

  No, it's just for that.

• 4:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, mashed potatoes happen a lot, though.

• 4:46Speaker 02

  Where do you go for Thanksgiving?

• 4:47Speaker 01

  I go, I I've cooked in our apartment, I've gone to my husband's place for Thanksgiving before my husband's like back home when they go to Alabama on like the big. They had, one of his aunts had like this big house, like big, like big old house on the farm, not historically big.

• 5:10Speaker 02

  A big house on the farm in Alabama, and I know you have a white husband, so.

• 5:14Speaker 01

  I saw the gears turning.

• 5:17Speaker 02

  What was going on at the house, Jay?

• 5:19Speaker 01

  No, Jordan Peele was there, um, he directed me, no, it was, you know those, you know how like in the 2000s, there were so many like, the suburban sprawl like really crept out, and so I want to say in that spot between like Huntsville and Nashville, there was just all that land, and so then people started making huge. And so like one time, we were on this like big, like, I think there was like, I think there was a field. And you know when you go to some Thanksgiving events and everyone takes a picture in like the big field, like it was like one of those houses. So we went there and when it's that much food, the food is okay. There is a certain amount of people where you have to bring in professionals if you want the food to be great.

• 6:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:04Speaker 01

  Cause it just, you you're not a professional cook. You just aren't. I don't know why so many people think they can cook for a lot of people.

• 6:11Speaker 02

  You can't.

• 6:11Speaker 01

  You really can't.

• 6:12Speaker 02

  It's impossible.

• 6:13Speaker 01

  What's the, the max? The maximum amount of people, and I've seen this happen. Eight people, that's max. Eight people is the maximum amount of people you can really cook for if you're not a professional.

• 6:26Speaker 02

  Uh, no, see, you lost me there.

• 6:27Speaker 01

  Really?

• 6:28Speaker 02

  Because, let me tell you.

• 6:28Speaker 01

  How many you saying?

• 6:29Speaker 02

  Well, uh, here's what you need to understand. At my Thanksgiving at my house, we have, we feed about 20, 25 people.

• 6:34Speaker 01

  Well, okay.

• 6:35Speaker 02

  But however, we have.

• 6:36Speaker 01

  Wait, Caleb's Kitchen?

• 6:37Speaker 02

  Two grandmas, a mom, an aunt, and two uncles in that kitchen.

• 6:41Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 6:41Speaker 02

  Go into town.

• 6:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, that's enough.

• 6:43Speaker 02

  And people bring stuff, yeah, so it all works out, but it takes an army.

• 6:45Speaker 01

  I'm saying if you're one person, you can only cook for eight people.

• 6:47Speaker 02

  Sure, yeah, I understand that.

• 6:48Speaker 01

  If you got four people.

• 6:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'd say you can get 30.

• 6:51Speaker 02

  So there it goes, yeah.

• 6:52Speaker 01

  What's, what do you contribute?

• 6:54Speaker 02

  The house.

• 7:00Speaker 01

  Caleb has gone full boomer parent. Caleb's saying, what did I contribute?

• 7:07Speaker 02

  The mortgage?

• 7:08Speaker 01

  Hey, hey, hey.

• 7:09Speaker 02

  I didn't, dude, they're, my family is full of good cooks and I am not one of them. I didn't get it.

• 7:15Speaker 01

  That's, that's funny, but also, okay, I feel you on that.

• 7:18Speaker 02

  I can cook decent, I can cook like a dinner for me, but I can't, like, the stuff that my family can cook, I don't have like a big, I don't have a turkey, I don't have a big casserole recipe, I'm just helping out.

• 7:26Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 7:26Speaker 02

  I'll throw in, I'll say, hey, you want me to chop that broccoli for that, I'll do that.

• 7:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:30Speaker 02

  That's all I got.

• 7:31Speaker 01

  That's it, that's, okay, that's something.

• 7:32Speaker 02

  I'll chop.

• 7:33Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 7:34Speaker 02

  I'll chop, I try to stay away from the, I'm not interested in the dishes. I'll do them if I really have to, but I'm not interested in it.

• 7:40Speaker 01

  Hey, hey, you know what this dinner is coming with aside of gender roles?

• 7:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:44Speaker 01

  Cause you just said the dishes.

• 7:45Speaker 02

  Well, well, here's the thing.

• 7:46Speaker 01

  You say, I'm not touching them.

• 7:48Speaker 02

  The women in my family love to be martyrs and I like to let them.

• 7:53Speaker 02

  They like to, they like to be in their, you go, can I help with the dishes? Cause you know you have to offer.

• 7:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 7:57Speaker 02

  And they go, no, sit down, and you go, alright.

• 8:00Speaker 01

  I, I do, I do a little bit of, do I?

• 8:02Speaker 02

  Cause, yeah, and they wave you off.

• 8:06Speaker 01

  You just want me to watch the lines? I'll watch the lines.

• 8:08Speaker 02

  Alright, I'll watch the lines, no worries.

• 8:11Speaker 01

  Oh, I forgot. I forgot. Ever since our last chat, now you're kind of... What's going on with you being... You're a Kelsey now, unofficially. Right?

• 8:23Speaker 02

  What do you mean by that?

• 8:23Speaker 01

  You're part of the polycule, right?

• 8:25Speaker 02

  What do you mean by that? Say more to me.

• 8:27Speaker 01

  You're brother husbands with Jason Kelsey. That's your brother husband. Am I making this up?

• 8:34Speaker 02

  In what way?

• 8:35Speaker 01

  Y'all married.

• 8:37Speaker 02

  Me and Jason Kelsey? What is giving you this impression?

• 8:40Speaker 01

  Cause...

• 8:41Speaker 02

  Where's this bit stemming from?

• 8:42Speaker 01

  How comfortable you are with his wife.

• 8:43Speaker 02

  Now, I love Kylie.

• 8:45Speaker 01

  See? Don't say it like that.

• 8:47Speaker 02

  Now, I love Kylie.

• 8:47Speaker 01

  That's very Brooklyn of you.

• 8:48Speaker 02

  I think I'm more of a fun gay cousin to both of them.

• 8:51Speaker 01

  Okay, alright. I was getting brother husbands. Every time I watch y'all, I get, once again, that's me being southern, I go, I wish y'all could figure this out.

• 9:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:02Speaker 01

  I see y'all laughing, having a good time. She has a gay husband, she has a real husband, straight husband.

• 9:08Speaker 02

  That's the... This is the role of the gay cousin, though. It's to come in, you wish. You're trying to push your freaky poly agenda on everybody. Your alternative lifestyle that you and your husband live.

• 9:20Speaker 01

  Kissing strangers in Mexico City, who has that hurt?

• 9:26Speaker 01

  Who has that hurt, right? To that, I say, Keen.

• 9:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:32Speaker 02

  Y'all don't date other people, y'all just fuck other people?

• 9:34Speaker 01

  We have dated other people, we could date other people.

• 9:37Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 9:38Speaker 01

  I see no reason why you shouldn't at least have the most amount of fun that you can handle. You, Caleb specifically, you don't want to do that. I would never tell anyone to open up their relationship if they didn't want to do it.

• 9:56Speaker 02

  I would tell people to close theirs.

• 9:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. Close it, close it. Nobody.

• 10:01Speaker 02

  I'm very comfortable telling people what they should be doing.

• 10:03Speaker 01

  Yeah?

• 10:03Speaker 02

  I think it's an exciting, I think it's an exciting opportunity for me.

• 10:06Speaker 01

  I think it is, it is fun when you get to tell people, I don't like that. And they go, we're gonna do it anyway.

• 10:15Speaker 01

  But also, I live, so because I live in Harlem, I can be silly and escape all of this. You have to be in Brooklyn with all of it.

• 10:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:27Speaker 01

  That's, that's, that's the difference.

• 10:29Speaker 02

  You almost don't even recognize it anymore, like a fish in the ocean.

• 10:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 10:32Speaker 02

  What is water to a fish in the ocean?

• 10:33Speaker 01

  You are a hostess and you're going, there's so many three tops.

• 10:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:37Speaker 01

  Why is every?

• 10:38Speaker 02

  Everyone's a three top. Or a four or five.

• 10:41Speaker 01

  It's a logistical nightmare.

• 10:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's bad news.

• 10:44Speaker 01

  I also understand that like because, because like I have a joke in my current hour where I say, me and my husband, we are not poly. We are not poly, we are not open. We're what's known as cool. All right, you remember? People used to just be cool.

• 10:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:57Speaker 01

  And so like sometimes I think we, we are in a bit more be cool territory than like spreading the gospel of being poly.

• 11:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:06Speaker 01

  Cause being cool, that's fun. Being poly, now it's capes involved.

• 11:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:11Speaker 01

  Being poly, now you gotta say, hey, do you want to meet my lizard? That's different.

• 11:16Speaker 02

  That's how it gets weird. Jay, what have you been up to lately? What's going on with you?

• 11:19Speaker 01

  I just got back from Portland, Maine.

• 11:21Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 11:21Speaker 01

  My second time in one and a half years, proud to report. Saw even more black people this time.

• 11:27Speaker 02

  Hey.

• 11:28Speaker 01

  That's right, they were just walking around and I, I shouldn't have been stopping them the way I was stopping them.

• 11:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:33Speaker 01

  But I was. I said, hey, you have, come here, come here, come here, come here. Hey, take a picture, real quick, all of us. Okay.

• 11:42Speaker 02

  Have you seen those videos that have been making it across my desk of the black guy who goes up to, uh, black people that are with all white people?

• 11:49Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 11:49Speaker 02

  And checks on them?

• 11:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 11:50Speaker 02

  Have you seen these?

• 11:51Speaker 01

  You should do that.

• 11:52Speaker 02

  One of my favorite, I love these videos.

• 11:55Speaker 01

  Cause, cause what you have to do is you have to let him know you're okay, but also give him like some, hey, I see you fellow black man, I'm good, thank you for checking out, by the way. Cause you know who usually does that? If you're a black comedian around the country, the black person who checks on you in white spaces is usually the bouncer at the club.

• 12:13Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 12:13Speaker 01

  Like if you do a club, or if you do a room, or if you do a show, and you know, like sometimes comedy, it's just like, comedy is still sometimes very segregated. You do a room that's a lot of white people. Your goal as a black comedian is usually to be like the black staff who work the venue, whether that be bouncers, bartenders, servers, you wanna be like, oh, I want my man.

• 12:36Speaker 02

  Right.

• 12:36Speaker 01

  Cause I, I got, thank, thank you for coming, thank you for buying the ticket, but. Right?

• 12:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 12:41Speaker 01

  When you go, oh, okay, that's Leroy. You're good.

• 12:44Speaker 02

  I feel the same way, by the way.

• 12:45Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 12:46Speaker 02

  I'm like, I'm working, I'm trying to get, not just, not just because the, the black folks in the room, but everybody working.

• 12:51Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 12:52Speaker 02

  I want to get everybody working at the club to laugh, because I'm like, they see this shit every single night, and I know they hate most of the comics who come through here. If I can make them laugh, it's whatever.

• 13:02Speaker 01

  We had a beautiful moment like that in Kansas City, where two of the people who were helping with transport from the venues into the airports, when they liked any of the jokes, when they remembered any of the stuff, we said, I was like, yes.

• 13:16Speaker 02

  Oh, when you did Y'all?

• 13:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, of course. That's my, that's, one of my favorite things is making sure that, this happened, I was in Jersey, this like, young black girl bought tickets to see me, and she brought her two, like, older parents, these two fun, but very church-going black folks. It was Sunday night. I was like, I knew y'all, y'all went someplace before. And so they came to the show, they loved it. When you get older black people to enjoy your stuff, especially as a black comedian, especially being from the South, I'm like, oh, thank God, thank God. Because you can only tell, you can only tell so many jokes where like, you, you like the fact that people are laughing, but you're like, okay, I want to make sure this could like, I want to make sure my mom

• 14:01Speaker 01

  or my auntie could laugh at this, too. Sometimes that's just like, what I want out of things. That's why I still, I still write from that vantage point. Like, I have two jokes, like, in the thing I'm touring right now. One of them is, I tell a big dick joke. I tell a joke about a very big dick. And then, I say, when my mom first heard that joke, she went, Joe, you just like me.

• 14:21Speaker 01

  Because that's what I want, and you get that. Like, there's a, there's a, when you're a queer comic, there's an older female companionship and a kind of rubric for funny, that like, you do want. Like, were you making your mom and her friends laugh when you were younger?

• 14:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:36Speaker 01

  See, exactly. So that's the kind of shit that I'm also still like, I still want that. I love making everyone in my demographic laugh and all the people who love my stuff, but like, if you can get an older black woman to laugh, or you, if you can get her to be like, no, you weren't supposed to be saying that. If you can get one of those, you're like, yes.

• 14:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, that is the best.

• 14:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, so, I was in Maine. Where else did I go? Oh, I went to DC. I went to DC, I was in DC during the UFC thing.

• 15:02Speaker 02

  Did you go to the UFC thing?

• 15:03Speaker 01

  So, me and Nate had tickets, and then he, I'm kidding. I'm joking, I'm joking. I made a very good hockey joke about Nate Bargatze. People were mad he was at the White House. I said, "He told you he was a Predators fan."

• 15:15Speaker 02

  Hey, that's a great joke.

• 15:16Speaker 01

  That's a great joke. Hockey, hockey boys love that joke. Um, I didn't go. I passed by where you could see the archway over the White House. And, how can I say this in the meanest way possible? Everyone who was there for that event, you knew it.

• 15:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:33Speaker 01

  You knew it from the shoes, from the shirt, from the smell. You, you, you saw a person go to that event, they didn't have to tell you they were going.

• 15:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:41Speaker 01

  You were like, oh, good.

• 15:42Speaker 02

  That's how most of those things are, yeah.

• 15:43Speaker 01

  You went, "Have fun."

• 15:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:46Speaker 01

  "Have fun."

• 15:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, I was in DC, uh, but I was in DC, I was in DC just for shows, and they were wonderful. I had like, this moment where a guy who like, I like, remembered from something, he came up to me afterwards, and as a queer person on the internet, sometimes, gay men, please remind us of where? It, it doesn't have to be the full story, but if you just, "Hey, we talked a little bit," or just, "Hey, we flirted a little bit, you know, my friends," so, so, cuz you see them come up for the picture, and then you, I'm racking my, I'm going, what, how do we, who, we, we didn't? But in my head, I was like, how do we know each other?

• 16:30Speaker 01

  So just, gay men, just, I don't, what would you, what would you say would be the best way to be like, "Hey, we messaged for a little bit," or, "Hey, this thing."

• 16:39Speaker 02

  I think just saying that.

• 16:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, right?

• 16:41Speaker 02

  I'll say I got a really annoying one the other night where I was out at gay bars.

• 16:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:45Speaker 02

  With my friend, which I don't usually do, but I'm trying to get better about saying yes to stuff that I don't necessarily want to do.

• 16:49Speaker 01

  Except for being poly, because we keep asking them.

• 16:51Speaker 02

  Not doing that.

• 16:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, we the collective.

• 16:53Speaker 02

  Not doing that. But I, I was out and this guy messaged me that I've flirted with for a long time. We've never been able to meet up. He lives on the Upper East Side. I live in Brooklyn. It's probably not gonna happen, right?

• 17:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:02Speaker 02

  So it's been like months of us being like, we'd be really fun to fuck. Wish we didn't live eight miles apart or whatever the fuck the distance is.

• 17:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:07Speaker 02

  And he messaged me.

• 17:09Speaker 01

  Which, once again, in New York, everyone who doesn't live in New York, don't think Kale was being a flake. That is so far in New York.

• 17:16Speaker 02

  I'm not going to the Upper East Side.

• 17:18Speaker 01

  It's so far in New York. I came from Harlem to Brooklyn to do this podcast. I left yesterday.

• 17:24Speaker 02

  Yes. Yeah.

• 17:26Speaker 01

  It's been.

• 17:27Speaker 02

  And this is, this is work.

• 17:28Speaker 01

  This is work.

• 17:29Speaker 02

  There's ass in Brooklyn.

• 17:30Speaker 01

  There's, listen.

• 17:31Speaker 02

  There's people to fuck on the Upper East Side and in Brooklyn.

• 17:33Speaker 01

  There is so much ass in Brooklyn. The ass in Brooklyn. Now, listen, it's not always washed, but the ass in Brooklyn.

• 17:42Speaker 02

  Hello.

• 17:42Speaker 01

  The ass in Brooklyn, sometimes you go, hey, rinse this off again.

• 17:46Speaker 02

  Yeah. Step in there for me. Hop in the shower.

• 17:49Speaker 01

  Hey, you know what'd be crazy? If we showered together.

• 17:51Speaker 02

  Yeah. Let's start it out. Let's start it out.

• 17:54Speaker 01

  You know what? I'm feeling like I need a shower.

• 17:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:58Speaker 01

  And then they go, no, you go.

• 18:00Speaker 02

  I think we should. Well, fuck, if you go from Brooklyn to the Upper East Side, that's like given.

• 18:04Speaker 01

  Right?

• 18:05Speaker 02

  You're gonna need it.

• 18:06Speaker 01

  That's a commute.

• 18:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:07Speaker 01

  You basically, you took, I mean, this person had to take the literal Underground Railroad.

• 18:14Speaker 02

  Jay.

• 18:16Speaker 01

  They had to follow the drinking gore to get to.

• 18:20Speaker 02

  Please. But this guy that I've been flirting with forever.

• 18:24Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 18:24Speaker 02

  Doesn't say, he messages me the next day on Grindr and says, I think I saw you last night at this place. Was that you? And I said, yeah, why didn't you say something? And he goes, oh, I was pretty fucked up. And I'm like, okay, that doesn't mean we have to go home together. You come say hello.

• 18:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:38Speaker 02

  Or you, like, what's not, click, that pissed me off.

• 18:40Speaker 01

  Well, because that's a fun serendipitous moment where you go, oh, we've been messaging for a bit, haven't worked out. Holy shit, are we finally in the same. Bar, I'm a little fucked up, but you you you can steal some kisses. You could smooch a little bit in the club.

• 18:53Speaker 02

  And you could also just say hello and then we could have met in person for when we do actually. But then he's and then he's messaging me, uh, what are you doing this week? Can we get together? I'm going, well, no, we were in the same room last night. Are you crazy?

• 19:05Speaker 01

  Cause you were like, I can't meet this week. I'm gonna get strep throat.

• 19:07Speaker 02

  I got strep coming up, yeah.

• 19:09Speaker 01

  That was your strep appointment, actually.

• 19:10Speaker 02

  I got a podcast with Jay.

• 19:11Speaker 01

  That was your strep appointment. You're supposed to catch strep throat from him.

• 19:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, that was what was supposed to happen.

• 19:16Speaker 02

  Would have been beautiful.

• 19:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:17Speaker 02

  Would have been completely beautiful.

• 19:18Speaker 01

  I I'm trying to think of the last time I had like a fun run in in the club. I went to a friend's birthday party and a guy who used to like, you know, some some gay boys you flirt with? And you're flirting, but man, you go, damn, how many pictures you got saved? You can send me, you send me new stuff every day?

• 19:37Speaker 01

  I don't, I don't got new pictures in you every day.

• 19:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 19:39Speaker 01

  I can take one, but then that's a whole different thing. But like, they just got, they just got a gallery. They got movies.

• 19:47Speaker 02

  I'm immediately turned, well, there's two things that turn me off. Seventeen different angles of your naked body and every, I'm like turned off. What what's left to discover? Why am I even doing this?

• 19:55Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 19:55Speaker 02

  And a video of someone else fucking you, I'm like, ah.

• 19:58Speaker 01

  Sometimes.

• 19:58Speaker 02

  I didn't need it.

• 19:59Speaker 01

  Sometimes a video, uh, sometimes the very sexual kind of do it yourself porn video is always like, that's, you have to request that, in my opinion. If you're sexting with someone, you're gonna be like, hey, I want to see you get fucked.

• 20:16Speaker 02

  Please send me the video you might have.

• 20:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. Cause if you just send the video of like active sex going on, now I'm looking at everything. I'm going, it seems like there's a lot of people in this room.

• 20:29Speaker 02

  This can't be the only one of these videos you have.

• 20:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, clearly, I saw, you know, there's a boom operator in the, there's a lot of stuff going on in some of these videos. And then you go, wait a second, we don't know each other that well.

• 20:42Speaker 01

  I got this?

• 20:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:44Speaker 01

  I ain't no tell, everyone gets this.

• 20:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:46Speaker 01

  I go, this is out there.

• 20:47Speaker 02

  See that?

• 20:49Speaker 01

  I go, this is not, this is not bespoke.

• 20:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:52Speaker 01

  This is not, cuz this is what people used to say. They used to be like, oh, well, you know, I gotta go in my hidden folder. If the hidden folder is that full of stuff.

• 21:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:02Speaker 01

  That's crazy.

• 21:03Speaker 02

  Why is it hidden?

• 21:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:04Speaker 02

  If everyone's been in here. Why, why are we hiding folders?

• 21:07Speaker 01

  It's not hidden.

• 21:08Speaker 02

  Yeah. So funny.

• 21:11Speaker 01

  I, I also, I also feel bad for that guy cuz clearly he's a bit, maybe, maybe I'm psychoanalyzing. Maybe he's like, want, maybe he likes the, the long drawn out tease of all of this. Cuz if we're talking and I see you in a club, this is my personality. I'm gonna go say, hey, what's up?

• 21:30Speaker 02

  Hey, how's it going?

• 21:30Speaker 01

  I'm gonna say, isn't this crazy we're here?

• 21:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:32Speaker 01

  Even if I'm fucked up.

• 21:33Speaker 02

  In, in his defense, I think he, I think he was, he was probably feeling anxious cuz he was, he was on some shit. I, I don't know. I don't do that, so I don't know about it, but I, I'm not actually mad at that guy. He seems lovely. I just, it, it is confusing to me. It is, I'm like, I would, every time had I seen you, I would come say hello no matter what.

• 21:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 21:49Speaker 02

  But I also wouldn't be super fucked up.

• 21:50Speaker 01

  I'm, I'm notorious for saying hello and then leaving. Yeah, I, I love a good, hey, I'm gonna go back to my friends.

• 21:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 21:57Speaker 01

  Cuz I, that's me going, I got friends.

• 21:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:00Speaker 01

  Just so you know.

• 22:00Speaker 02

  Just so you know what I'm up to.

• 22:02Speaker 01

  You see these people over here who mad that I'm this fucked up?

• 22:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, these are my friends.

• 22:05Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah, they're about to put me in a car home.

• 22:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 22:09Speaker 02

  They're scared.

• 22:09Speaker 01

  They, they told me not to come over here.

• 22:14Speaker 02

  They're worried about me.

• 22:15Speaker 01

  They, they actually, they got mad because you're the third person I've come up to tonight.

• 22:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:20Speaker 01

  Hey, we've been talking for a while.

• 22:21Speaker 02

  You see those people over there? Pretty soon I'm gonna walk into a room, they're gonna be sitting in a semicircle of folding chairs. Okay, they think I have a problem.

• 22:28Speaker 01

  I came over to, save me.

• 22:31Speaker 01

  Save me. I'm also notorious for like not going out enough. I, this is public, pub, public apology. Caleb is one of the kindest people you will ever meet.

• 22:43Speaker 02

  Jay.

• 22:43Speaker 01

  I'm so happy to have him as a friend and he throws the best parties, the best events. My dumb ass is usually doing something, stand-up comedy.

• 22:55Speaker 01

  Slur related. So I do apologize because I want to compliment you on the costume parties and the get togethers. There was even a point, this is what happened, two, last week.

• 23:08Speaker 01

  You actually gonna be like, for real? So I was in Union Square. You were gonna go to Beauty Bar. Beauty Bar, they said, you can't come back here. They, they closed the back room.

• 23:18Speaker 02

  They closed the back room, yeah.

• 23:18Speaker 01

  I was gonna show up, I was gonna pop up and be like, hell, I know I never come out. I was right there. You said, oh, we probably can go to someplace else. I said, can't make it.

• 23:26Speaker 02

  Hey, that's it. That's it, that was your one shot.

• 23:28Speaker 01

  I love Beauty Bar. I think it's so much fun.

• 23:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:32Speaker 01

  It's one of the first places that I was like partying and doing, they would do comedy sometimes there, but then sometimes you just go to drink. And it's like this silly, kinda, it's fun, it's a fun little gimmicky spot. I love it. I was gonna show up, I was gonna show up. I know this is me being, this is me being, though, my biggest fear is me turning into my dad. This is me being my dad, cuz I'm going, hey, hey, sport. I was gonna be there.

• 23:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, I had every intention.

• 23:58Speaker 01

  Hey, hey, Kayla, hey, Kayla, look at me. I'm proud of you.

• 24:00Speaker 02

  Couldn't make it.

• 24:01Speaker 01

  I'm proud of you.

• 24:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:02Speaker 01

  I saw, I saw, I saw your, um, your, um, your, um.

• 24:05Speaker 02

  Not the snaps.

• 24:06Speaker 01

  I saw.

• 24:08Speaker 01

  What did I see? I saw, I saw your Netflix special on HBO. Is that what they call it?

• 24:11Speaker 02

  Not the, not the dad who couldn't make it snaps.

• 24:14Speaker 01

  I saw, I saw.

• 24:14Speaker 02

  I was, um.

• 24:15Speaker 01

  I saw your Netflix special on HBO, and I'm proud of you.

• 24:18Speaker 02

  Please.

• 24:18Speaker 01

  I'm proud of you.

• 24:19Speaker 02

  Please.

• 24:19Speaker 01

  Can you, I want, can you give some information to somebody for me? Cuz I got some, they could, they could change it up.

• 24:25Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 24:26Speaker 01

  But, happy birthday.

• 24:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:28Speaker 01

  For the year.

• 24:29Speaker 02

  Yeah. Couldn't make it. Not happening.

• 24:37Speaker 01

  I was hell bent, I was gonna bring a friend.

• 24:40Speaker 02

  You were, you can't be hell bent.

• 24:41Speaker 01

  I was hell bent.

• 24:42Speaker 02

  If one location changed, threw you off the scent.

• 24:45Speaker 01

  I said, I said, I don't know where this is.

• 24:48Speaker 02

  It's, mind you, it's a 20 minute walk.

• 24:50Speaker 01

  It is a 20 minute walk.

• 24:52Speaker 02

  I was hell bent until something came up.

• 24:54Speaker 01

  I said, I'm gonna move heaven and earth, I can't do it.

• 24:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, I can't do it. I can't be there. Really, really wanted to do it for you.

• 25:00Speaker 01

  But then that night, I did get to hang out with, you know who's notorious for making me hang out longer than I expect? Lisa Trager.

• 25:07Speaker 02

  Uh, yeah.

• 25:07Speaker 01

  She'll do that.

• 25:08Speaker 02

  She will.

• 25:08Speaker 01

  Lisa, this is what Lisa does. You have a thing, y'all hang out together, you start packing your stuff up, she goes, where you going? She's the person who goes, "Where you going?" You go, "I'm about to go home." She goes, "I got a blunt. I got a joint."

• 25:20Speaker 02

  That's it.

• 25:21Speaker 01

  You go, "Well, girl..."

• 25:22Speaker 02

  It's always the blunt, yeah.

• 25:23Speaker 01

  "I have to."

• 25:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:24Speaker 01

  "If I don't, I'm..." First of all, I'm being rude. Secondly, well, now, this is worth staying. And so then, you start smoking with Lisa, then this is what she's gonna do. She's gonna tell you who she got in a fight with that week.

• 25:37Speaker 02

  Yeah. Which I always wanna hear.

• 25:39Speaker 01

  Which I always wanna hear.

• 25:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:40Speaker 01

  Cause I'm like, "Damn, what'd they do?" I'm always like, "Yeah, get him, get him."

• 25:43Speaker 02

  Meanwhile, half the time, it's something she did.

• 25:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:49Speaker 02

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• 30:55Speaker 01

  So sometimes she'll get me to stay.

• 30:58Speaker 02

  She was at my house recently and I was about to kick her out. And she said, should we smoke a joint and order some food? And I said, yeah.

• 31:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:04Speaker 02

  And it was, you just-

• 31:05Speaker 01

  It's the framing.

• 31:06Speaker 02

  She knows when to deploy it, yeah.

• 31:08Speaker 01

  And she says it as if it's your idea.

• 31:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:11Speaker 01

  She basically, one time I was walking, we were walking from a gig. She said, where you gotta go? I slowed down.

• 31:22Speaker 01

  I said, wait a second.

• 31:23Speaker 02

  Where do you need to be?

• 31:23Speaker 01

  You're right. It's that scene in Love, Simon, where Jennifer Garner says, Simon.

• 31:27Speaker 02

  You can breathe now.

• 31:32Speaker 01

  That's what Lisa Trager does for me.

• 31:33Speaker 02

  And it works because I never do want to stop hanging out with Lisa.

• 31:36Speaker 01

  I don't.

• 31:36Speaker 02

  I'm always into it.

• 31:37Speaker 01

  You, because guess what? We gonna smoke a little bit, we gonna have some french fries.

• 31:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, oh God. To be high right now and eating some french fries would be so fucking beautiful.

• 31:45Speaker 01

  Okay, you know what I have discovered now that I've come into the tiniest amount of money? French fries at a pool?

• 31:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:55Speaker 01

  Oh my God, french fries at a pool with a drink? Oh my Lord.

• 32:00Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 32:01Speaker 01

  This is, you think, you think being rich is happening upstairs. That's what you think.

• 32:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:05Speaker 01

  In Mississippi, someone be like, we going broke. I go, two stories? I believe it.

• 32:08Speaker 02

  You're fine, yeah.

• 32:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, hey, why don't you sell that store?

• 32:12Speaker 02

  Sell off the house.

• 32:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, why don't you rent out that top room? You can have a tenant. So, so now, I think-

• 32:22Speaker 01

  And then because I have done this a few times, you go on vacation, or you go on a gig and you spend an extra day there, you go, oh, I'm gonna stay on Sunday. If you have french fry, I don't know how they do this. No matter the fry, it could be, it could be double fried, it could be battered, you know, the esc- the escama fries. The fries with the, with the skin. Okay, or it could be like the McDonald's, like copycat shoestring joints. Fries by a pool? I just, I feel the best.

• 32:51Speaker 02

  You know what they're never doing that they need to get into?

• 32:53Speaker 01

  What?

• 32:53Speaker 02

  Curly fries.

• 32:54Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 32:55Speaker 02

  These places are never doing curly fries.

• 32:57Speaker 01

  And I'm glad that you brought this up because one of the last times that I had curly fries by a pool,

• 33:06Speaker 01

  I think it was on a gay cruise.

• 33:07Speaker 02

  Really?

• 33:08Speaker 01

  I did a gay cru- I did my first gay cruise, they, okay. Now, I'm realizing they weren't curly, they were just gay.

• 33:17Speaker 01

  But I wouldn't have curly fry. I had curly fries recently that I got happy about. There was a restaurant that had curly fry, they had tots and curly fries. Why does the places do that? Why is it places, they'll be like, oh, we have regular fries, curly fries, and tots. I think-

• 33:32Speaker 02

  I'm never complaining about blessings.

• 33:34Speaker 01

  No, no, no. No, you shouldn't have those regular fries.

• 33:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, I'm, I'm with that. Get the regular fries out of here, that's fine.

• 33:39Speaker 01

  Because who, who's seen the curly fries and the tots and then going?

• 33:44Speaker 02

  There are people, Jay.

• 33:45Speaker 01

  Could I?

• 33:46Speaker 02

  There are people that do this. Sickos, we walk among sickos.

• 33:49Speaker 01

  Okay, this is, okay.

• 33:50Speaker 02

  It's a sick world.

• 33:51Speaker 01

  The way you feel about poly people, that's how I feel about these folks.

• 33:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, just a little confused, but ultimately okay with it?

• 33:56Speaker 01

  Well, if God gave you curly, yeah.

• 34:00Speaker 01

  No, I'm ready to punch somebody. If God, all three of you, if God gave you curly fries and tots, this is when I could become a Republican.

• 34:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:08Speaker 01

  Why are you also trying to include these straight fries?

• 34:12Speaker 02

  Do you know what they need to be doing is putting, someone needs to serve curly fries and tots, shaken up together with some seasoning on them. Serve that. Bring me that. Someone must be doing that. If you're doing that, hit the comments. I'd love to come patronize.

• 34:24Speaker 01

  What do you even call that?

• 34:26Speaker 02

  It's heaven.

• 34:26Speaker 01

  Well, because like texturally, it's a fun, it's reminiscent-

• 34:32Speaker 01

  Of when the onion rings sneaks into the fries.

• 34:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:35Speaker 01

  Burger King used to do that.

• 34:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, on purpose.

• 34:37Speaker 01

  They didn't have a lot of quality control of some of the Burger Kings in Jackson, Mississippi.

• 34:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:41Speaker 01

  You'd be like, there's a couple onion rings in here.

• 34:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 34:43Speaker 01

  You'd be like.

• 34:44Speaker 02

  And no worries.

• 34:45Speaker 01

  I'm not bad.

• 34:45Speaker 02

  Burger King's onion rings make me so sick. I have tried them in many cities, many times. Every time I go, I think it'll be different this time. And every time I feel horrible.

• 34:55Speaker 01

  Out of all of the problematic things you've said today, that's the one that legal's gonna be like, hey.

• 35:00Speaker 02

  Hey, we gotta get that out of here. They're trying to run some ads.

• 35:02Speaker 01

  Hey, just so you know.

• 35:03Speaker 02

  No more.

• 35:04Speaker 01

  Just so you know, they, you almost lost it all today.

• 35:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, almost lost everything for that one. No, they do make me sick. I can't do it. Onion rings in general, actually. Maybe there's something up with that.

• 35:16Speaker 01

  Do you like a blooming onion more?

• 35:18Speaker 02

  I'll do a blooming onion. I'll do the onion rings. I'll just feel bad.

• 35:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 35:21Speaker 02

  That's one thing about me. I'll feel bad. No worries. If I, if I need to, I'll feel bad.

• 35:27Speaker 01

  I've, there are two places in New York that I know I'm gonna. I order, if I order these wings.

• 35:35Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 35:36Speaker 01

  The next day.

• 35:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:38Speaker 01

  I gotta bill, I gotta bill some time in the schedule.

• 35:41Speaker 02

  Morning can't be booked. Morning can't be booked if I'm having this tonight. Yeah.

• 35:45Speaker 01

  You know this thing. What, my husband, that's how long we've been together. If my husband sees me eat more than a handful of cashews, he goes, now Jay.

• 35:55Speaker 01

  He goes, Jay. I'm like Fuller and, what's that? Is that, um, Home Alone?

• 35:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:00Speaker 01

  Karen Culkin?

• 36:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:01Speaker 01

  Sipping Pepsi, knowing I'm gonna piss the bed. That's how I get with cashews. I go.

• 36:05Speaker 02

  You're pissing the bed off cashews?

• 36:06Speaker 01

  No, no, no. No, no, no. I'm not pissing the bed. It's just that like, I'm gonna complain. I'm gonna be like, why my stomach hurt?

• 36:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:13Speaker 01

  I had cashews.

• 36:14Speaker 02

  Damn.

• 36:14Speaker 01

  And I, I don't ever just have like a few cashews, cause I love them.

• 36:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:18Speaker 01

  Cashews, they're so good. But it's, I think it's like, the amount of oil in them, I don't know. That's like my dietary restriction.

• 36:26Speaker 02

  They're hurting your tummy, huh?

• 36:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, but I, my taste buds, they told me I can have these all the time.

• 36:32Speaker 02

  Do you cook?

• 36:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, I cook a lot.

• 36:34Speaker 02

  What do you cook? What's your number one meal? What's your signature meal?

• 36:36Speaker 01

  The thing I can make better than a lot of people.

• 36:39Speaker 02

  Better than a lot. If I came over, you would make it to impress me.

• 36:41Speaker 01

  Ooh, well, I would want to show off something southern. And I can guarantee you that I can make you a fried chicken thigh sandwich. That will be better than you have had in anyone else's home.

• 36:58Speaker 02

  I need to get involved.

• 37:00Speaker 01

  Fried chicken thigh.

• 37:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:02Speaker 01

  Okay, we're also talking, I can give you a slaw if you want on top of that.

• 37:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:07Speaker 01

  Also, we can, we can make fries there too if you want. I don't necessarily want the fries. I would like something, I would like something green. I know you have a, there's the famous clip, let's get a green crunch, but I would love a green crunch.

• 37:21Speaker 02

  Tell me bun to bun what you're doing on this fried chicken sandwich.

• 37:23Speaker 01

  Okay, bun to bun, alright. So we start with Martin's potato rolls.

• 37:26Speaker 02

  Yes, we do.

• 37:27Speaker 01

  You understand this?

• 37:28Speaker 02

  Yes, we do.

• 37:29Speaker 01

  There's an inherent sweetness to the roll.

• 37:30Speaker 02

  Amen.

• 37:31Speaker 01

  It's wonderful, toast up beautifully due to the sugar content. So that's, but that's at the very end.

• 37:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:36Speaker 01

  So this is what we get. We get a boneless chicken thigh. I know, I'm going boneless. I'm not taking the bone out. I'm going boneless, skinless chicken thigh.

• 37:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:45Speaker 01

  Okay, lay them flat, pat them dry, okay?

• 37:48Speaker 02

  Of course.

• 37:48Speaker 01

  So we're going, we're going, uh, the dredge will be like, we're just regular flour and then there'll be some panko in there and some cornstarch. And then for the spices, salt, pepper, garlic powder, garlic powder, onion powder, white pepper, probably then some oregano and cayenne. And then for like the dredge, or as far as like the, the wet, we're doing buttermilk, cause you, but, well, people go, oh, I gotta buy buttermilk. When you buy buttermilk, it's this much buttermilk.

• 38:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:23Speaker 01

  You are buying buttermilk to either make biscuits or fried chicken. The people who go, I don't wanna have it in my fridge, it won't be in your fridge a long time.

• 38:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:29Speaker 01

  So you do that, you do a little bit of hot sauce in the buttermilk.

• 38:33Speaker 02

  Okay, what kind of hot sauce?

• 38:34Speaker 01

  So, you, we have Louisiana.

• 38:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, okay.

• 38:37Speaker 01

  At the house. You could do Louisiana, you could do crystal, you could do trappies, you could do, what do you, what do you like?

• 38:42Speaker 02

  Crystals, but I would go with.

• 38:43Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 38:43Speaker 02

  Louisiana, I fuck with though.

• 38:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I, I, you know, you know ball.

• 38:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:48Speaker 01

  So basically, you dip it in the buttermilk and then you dip it in the flour and then you dip it in the panko. And you want it to get very craggly and then dutch oven, La Croissette, 375, a lot of oil, canola oil, seed oil, sorry, RK Junior. So.

• 39:11Speaker 01

  We're going, we're going canola oil, canola oil. Beautiful name for a baby girl.

• 39:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:15Speaker 01

  So.

• 39:17Speaker 02

  Love her.

• 39:17Speaker 01

  Love her. I think that's who, that's who, that's who, um, isn't that who Lawrence got pregnant on that final season of Insecure?

• 39:24Speaker 02

  Yes, yes.

• 39:25Speaker 01

  So.

• 39:26Speaker 02

  Condolee oil, yeah.

• 39:28Speaker 01

  What's that, what's that baby girl's name?

• 39:30Speaker 02

  Not the snaps.

• 39:31Speaker 01

  It's hard snaps too.

• 39:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:33Speaker 01

  When you get, oh, your hands get dry, them snaps. I don't got it yet. I don't got it yet. When I finally get to it, rough. Sandpaper.

• 39:42Speaker 02

  It's nothing with the whole hand too. It's like the whole thing's involved.

• 39:46Speaker 01

  Or then they start getting mad at you. You know who I'm talking about.

• 39:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:48Speaker 01

  You know who I'm talking, that's your cousin. Caleb, what's that girl's name?

• 39:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 39:52Speaker 01

  So, so canola oil. So then we fry probably two thighs.

• 40:00Speaker 01

  We're going eight minutes, eight minutes. Yeah, cuz I wanna, cuz you, listen, I'm gonna say, black people fry it hard.

• 40:07Speaker 02

  Hello.

• 40:08Speaker 01

  Fry it once and fry it hard.

• 40:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:09Speaker 01

  Don't, don't have to, don't, you never want to be like, this is a soft fry. If a black person says they want it fried hard, they want it fried to smithereens. You know who fries their wings hard? First try, DC Improv. I had some wings, Old Bay on the wings, Mambo Sauce on the side, fried hard.

• 40:27Speaker 02

  Who was that? Have you had the chicken wings at Union Hall?

• 40:30Speaker 01

  No.

• 40:31Speaker 02

  Me? I think it was Sydney Washington. Me and Sydney were going the fuck in on the chicken wings at Union Hall recently. We're backstage. I, I had joked on stage, I said, someone on staff, please bring an order of chicken wings that backstage, cuz I hit someone from the audience's weed vape, got way too high.

• 40:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:46Speaker 02

  And then I saw a girl, I saw a girl with a vape.

• 40:48Speaker 01

  You're missing out, we don't come to shows.

• 40:50Speaker 02

  I'm saying, and then I got in that green room, they brought those chicken wings, and me and Sydney were, we were going, we said, we flagged the server down and said, please bring another one. And then we did a second basket.

• 40:58Speaker 01

  They were eating so loud, someone on stage said, hey, you two.

• 41:01Speaker 02

  Yes. It sounded like we were, it was, they were so goddamn good.

• 41:05Speaker 01

  Are they, are they, they do those there?

• 41:07Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 41:08Speaker 01

  Okay, shout out to Matt Kelly at Union Hall.

• 41:10Speaker 02

  Shout out to the chicken wings at Union Hall.

• 41:12Speaker 01

  I did, yeah, shout, not shout out to Matt Kelly.

• 41:13Speaker 02

  Matt, if you're involved with the chicken wings, you can have a shout out.

• 41:16Speaker 01

  He think Matt's back there frying. Um, but then we fry, we fry the chicken thighs, we let them rest on a wire rack, and then you could do like. We could do mayo base, or we could do a yogurt base slaw with some cabbage. Yeah, red cabbage and carrots. And so then you could also go hot honey on the end of that. Or whatever hot sauce you want. And so then you present that to Caleb and he has a good time.

• 41:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm really into this. I'm putting a slice of cheese on there as well.

• 41:47Speaker 01

  Oh, what kind of cheese?

• 41:48Speaker 02

  Uh, cheddar American.

• 41:49Speaker 01

  Really?

• 41:50Speaker 02

  Cheddar American.

• 41:51Speaker 01

  My husband, you know what he's into now? He loves pepper jack. That's, we can't keep it in the house.

• 41:58Speaker 01

  Pepper jack, my husband loves some pepper jack cheese. We can't keep it in the house.

• 42:04Speaker 02

  I actually had pepper jack cheese recently. A couple nights, someone sent me a block of cheese as a gift. And it was pepper jack and I ate the hell out of it, actually. I was really into it.

• 42:15Speaker 01

  You, listen, when you get, when you have some crunchy ass fans, you got some crunchy fans.

• 42:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:19Speaker 01

  They gonna send you some cheese.

• 42:20Speaker 02

  Someone sent me pepper jack cheese and I ate it with some little crackers and sausage.

• 42:23Speaker 01

  What's the craziest gift that, what's a gift that you've got that you're grateful for? But you go, why would you, what is?

• 42:31Speaker 01

  I wanna know this.

• 42:32Speaker 02

  Oh, someone, to this day, we don't know. To this day, we don't know. Someone sent us an espresso machine. We do not know who sent it. No one will, no one will claim it.

• 42:40Speaker 01

  What?

• 42:40Speaker 02

  We've asked everyone we work with. We don't know how we got it and it has not been used. We do not know how we got this espresso machine.

• 42:46Speaker 01

  Wait, cause you don't know how to work it?

• 42:47Speaker 02

  Poor Michelle runs out and grabs coffees every single time we do a show.

• 42:50Speaker 01

  Michelle.

• 42:51Speaker 02

  Shout out, Michelle.

• 42:52Speaker 01

  You, this was amazing if you made this.

• 42:54Speaker 02

  Shout out, Michelle.

• 42:55Speaker 01

  With the espresso machine.

• 42:55Speaker 02

  I wish she did, I wish she did. No, we have that espresso machine. We do not, no one will tell us if they sent it.

• 43:01Speaker 01

  Wait, no one?

• 43:03Speaker 02

  No one will speak up.

• 43:04Speaker 01

  Who, not even the brand?

• 43:05Speaker 02

  No, we don't know who did it.

• 43:07Speaker 01

  Is it one of the, what's, what's the brand?

• 43:09Speaker 05

  It's, uh, Nestle, like the Ninja Creamy or whatever.

• 43:13Speaker 01

  Oh, can you make ice cream from it too?

• 43:14Speaker 05

  Well, that, so that's the thing is they also sent us an ice cream machine.

• 43:18Speaker 01

  What?

• 43:18Speaker 05

  And two vacuum cleaners.

• 43:20Speaker 01

  Oh, okay.

• 43:20Speaker 02

  I didn't know all that. I need one of, I need one of those vacuum cleaners.

• 43:23Speaker 01

  Vacuum cleaners, it sounds as if folks from Thanksgiving be like, hey.

• 43:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, something happened. I don't know who sent them to this day. If you sent the So True team, uh, an espresso machine, two vacuum cleaners and an ice cream maker. I'm begging you to speak up. We want to thank you.

• 43:38Speaker 01

  And if you sent the partridge and the pear tree, thank you for that as well.

• 43:43Speaker 02

  We appreciate that as well, but we want to know who did it. No one will speak up. No one will claim this victory.

• 43:47Speaker 01

  That's a lot.

• 43:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:48Speaker 01

  That is.

• 43:49Speaker 02

  That's expensive.

• 43:50Speaker 01

  I know.

• 43:50Speaker 02

  It's expensive.

• 43:51Speaker 01

  Did they write it off?

• 43:53Speaker 02

  What they didn't do is write a letter because we don't know who sent this shit.

• 43:57Speaker 01

  God.

• 43:58Speaker 02

  I actually forgot about that. That's crazy.

• 44:03Speaker 02

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• 44:44Speaker 02

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• 45:29Speaker 02

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• 46:48Speaker 01

  Espresso machine?

• 46:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:50Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 46:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, think about it.

• 46:53Speaker 01

  And the crazy, what's, I, people, what they will, what have I gotten that's like, sometimes, you know when people like make little, when everyone was making the Taylor Swift bracelets? A lot of people at shows were making me bracelets, and sometimes they'd say like my name, but sometimes they would just like say a reference to a joke. So one of them like says slut, and I was like, whoa, okay, okay. All right, thank you, but now I gotta, I gotta wear this.

• 47:19Speaker 02

  Not mad at that.

• 47:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm trying to, uh, people bring comic books for me to sign because I wrote a comic once. Yeah, so that's very sweet.

• 47:27Speaker 02

  I like a slut bracelet for you, I think that's cute.

• 47:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 47:30Speaker 02

  I would see, I would like to see you wearing that more often.

• 47:31Speaker 01

  Okay, maybe I will.

• 47:33Speaker 02

  I think that's a cute look.

• 47:34Speaker 01

  A little slutty bracelet.

• 47:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, slut bracelet, why not?

• 47:37Speaker 01

  Made, crafted by, it's not children making them.

• 47:41Speaker 02

  No.

• 47:42Speaker 01

  No, like, because the, the person who strung it together made it.

• 47:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 47:46Speaker 01

  But it is like a childlike arts activity.

• 47:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, for sure.

• 47:49Speaker 01

  One time I had to craft during a podcast, and I love the comic who I was crafting with, but everything fell to pieces. It was too. I'm gonna say it, there's two boys. We were bad at it.

• 47:58Speaker 02

  Damn.

• 47:59Speaker 01

  Two boys.

• 47:59Speaker 02

  Turn the roles, strike again.

• 48:00Speaker 01

  Listen, I don't like it. I wanted to be good at it.

• 48:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 48:05Speaker 01

  And we were trying to, we couldn't tie it off. Everything fell apart.

• 48:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 48:09Speaker 01

  The bracelet's terrible.

• 48:10Speaker 02

  Yeah?

• 48:11Speaker 01

  His bracelet was all loose.

• 48:12Speaker 02

  No, ugh.

• 48:13Speaker 01

  You know?

• 48:14Speaker 02

  Why did that, that really gave me the heebie-jeebies.

• 48:16Speaker 01

  It's a bad feeling. And the way you felt, that's the way I looked. He put it on, he said, "Do you like it?"

• 48:22Speaker 02

  Duh. Duh.

• 48:25Speaker 01

  Let's see, we can't do this.

• 48:26Speaker 02

  Yeah, this isn't gonna work.

• 48:27Speaker 01

  This is bad.

• 48:28Speaker 02

  Yeah, not a loose bracelet.

• 48:29Speaker 01

  We look silly.

• 48:30Speaker 02

  A loose friendship bracelet, yuck.

• 48:32Speaker 01

  Right? What, ooh, but that's telling about the friendship.

• 48:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 48:36Speaker 01

  Doesn't fit.

• 48:37Speaker 02

  Doesn't fit, isn't right, won't last.

• 48:40Speaker 02

  Won't last. Not long for this world, the friendship and the bracelet.

• 48:44Speaker 01

  Oh my lord. I think that, we were talking about friendship earlier, behind the scenes, behind the scenes. I'm trying to be a better friend. I know I talked about this with the party. I'm trying to show up more for friends. I'm trying to also just be aware of how I come off. You don't get this from me, because we get along. I found out this past year, some people think I'm mean.

• 49:08Speaker 01

  You're not disagreeing.

• 49:09Speaker 02

  Hmm. I can see how we got there.

• 49:16Speaker 02

  Now, do I think you're mean? Absolutely not.

• 49:17Speaker 01

  Absolutely not.

• 49:18Speaker 02

  But I think this happens to a lot of opinionated people that are loud.

• 49:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 49:23Speaker 02

  I get this all the time. I'm like, I'm actually not being mean, I just disagreed with you.

• 49:26Speaker 01

  One time, when I was doing a show with Jamarko and Tova, I said this, and this is another thing that let me know, wait a second, Jay, maybe check in. I said, "Everyone who says, 'Oh, Jay's the nicest person in the world,'" and then Jamarko goes, "No one's saying that."

• 49:47Speaker 01

  He goes, "No one is."

• 49:48Speaker 02

  Love him.

• 49:48Speaker 01

  "No one, no one's saying that."

• 49:49Speaker 02

  Love him.

• 49:50Speaker 01

  Now, say what you wanna say, but no, that first part, no one's saying that.

• 49:53Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 49:54Speaker 01

  Because I was trying to be like, I can be very direct, and he was like, "No, people know that."

• 49:58Speaker 02

  No, we know.

• 49:58Speaker 01

  People, people like.

• 49:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, we've seen, we've seen the directness. So can Jamarko, though.

• 50:03Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 50:06Speaker 01

  Yes, it can get him in trouble.

• 50:07Speaker 02

  John Marco loves to like, John Marco loves to say something with like a raised eyebrow and a curled lip.

• 50:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:12Speaker 02

  You know, like he's, there's a cunning, there's a cunningness to John Marco that you're like, what are you angling for? He'll say something and you're like, what's the note behind the note, John Marco?

• 50:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, every, you know, I, you can.

• 50:22Speaker 02

  It's part of why people think he's gay.

• 50:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:24Speaker 02

  Is that he's beguiling.

• 50:29Speaker 01

  You know what it is? There is a level of subtext that a lot of straight men sort of don't ever try to engage with. That he, because he was raised up in the theater among people who basically had double meaning their entire life.

• 50:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:45Speaker 01

  Like, so he gets, he's, sometimes he comes off very Captain Hook, very Scar.

• 50:50Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 50:50Speaker 01

  Very Jafar.

• 50:51Speaker 02

  Because a lot of, a lot of straight men will run directly at the wall of the point they're trying to make. And John Marco will do this sort of queer coded thing where he's like, well, don't you think it'd be interesting?

• 51:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:00Speaker 02

  You know, it's, there's just a kind of like, there's a, there's a touch of the ear or a curl of the lip that's like, oh, that's a little queer.

• 51:05Speaker 01

  And it's a trailing away of the volume of the thing.

• 51:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:09Speaker 01

  Every now and then.

• 51:10Speaker 02

  Well, don't you think it'd be interesting if, um, you know, it's like, oh, okay.

• 51:13Speaker 01

  You can tell that's the way he was given notes by a queeny director in all of his productions growing up. I like the choice, but I think if we did the choreography as below.

• 51:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:23Speaker 01

  What?

• 51:23Speaker 02

  Interesting.

• 51:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:24Speaker 02

  What, uh, you were talking earlier about friendship bracelets and it made me think of jewelry and you've got some good jewelry on. I want to know, what is your most prized possession?

• 51:31Speaker 01

  Oh, my most prized possession?

• 51:33Speaker 02

  Most prized possession.

• 51:34Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 51:34Speaker 02

  Like, what is the thing that you're like, if I was running from a burning building and I could only grab one thing, what would you grab?

• 51:40Speaker 01

  Oh, shit, the burning building is my house, not some place I set on fire.

• 51:44Speaker 02

  It's gotta be your house.

• 51:45Speaker 01

  Okay, yeah, yeah, cuz sometimes I'm just running from a burning building.

• 51:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:47Speaker 01

  Cuz I don't want to get caught.

• 51:47Speaker 02

  Well, you're always, yeah, you're always in a burning building. That's one thing about you.

• 51:50Speaker 01

  Well, stop going to gay bars.

• 51:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 51:52Speaker 01

  So I, hmm, a thing in my, well, I love my, my wedding rings are on me. So is it something on me or is it some, cuz these are like almost always on me.

• 52:06Speaker 02

  Are those your most prized possession?

• 52:07Speaker 01

  No. And I love him and I love our marriage.

• 52:11Speaker 02

  He's very special to you, yeah.

• 52:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, and I, I, he, he does buy me nice stuff. Ooh, there is a.

• 52:22Speaker 01

  There's, there's a photo of me and my mom. That, there's a photo of me, my mom, and my sister and my brother that I love, that I really, really would wanna hold on to for a very long time. I'd be very hurt if that went away. Some of my husband and I's wedding photos. We have a, I mean, but like, everything's digital now, too. So like, I don't, I'm trying to think of like, physical, physical thing. You have, you have a cue card in there from late 90's Seth Meyers. My first cue card from Fallon. I would really like to keep that. That's a pretty cool thing that I'm happy about.

• 52:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 52:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:59Speaker 02

  That's hard, though, right? Cause everything is digital now.

• 53:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:01Speaker 02

  So it's things that used to be like, it's like, I feel like our grandparents used to be like, oh, the box of pictures.

• 53:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 53:05Speaker 02

  I'd grab the box of pictures.

• 53:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:07Speaker 02

  I'm like, I really don't have like, things that matter that much to me.

• 53:10Speaker 01

  Cause the box of pictures also has like, the birth certificate for who that boy's real daddy is.

• 53:13Speaker 02

  Right, exactly.

• 53:15Speaker 01

  That's, old people.

• 53:16Speaker 02

  It's the evidence box.

• 53:17Speaker 01

  Old people actually don't tell you this. They'll be like, what's that? Oh, that's back when I was a mercenary, but we won't gotta, you know, old people, when old people talk about the stuff in their house, they'll be like, you'll go in one closet, you'll be like, what's this? They'll be like, oh, yeah. So, I don't know how to tell you this, but you have an uncle.

• 53:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 53:35Speaker 01

  Um.

• 53:36Speaker 02

  People used to have secrets.

• 53:37Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 53:38Speaker 02

  We don't do that anymore.

• 53:39Speaker 01

  I mean, they still do.

• 53:40Speaker 02

  Uh, old people had secrets in a way that's crazy. They had whole secret families, jobs, lives.

• 53:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:44Speaker 02

  You learn some crazy shit.

• 53:46Speaker 01

  Old people's secrets, it was because of the pressure cooker that was, I guess, the times? Like, older, when an older woman would be like, oh, I could never talk about my first husband, is because to be a woman who was a divorcee and then marrying, marrying a second man, people be like, what a slut. She's had two men inside of her. And she'd be like, and that's not counting when I was in high school.

• 54:11Speaker 02

  Right, right, right.

• 54:12Speaker 01

  You know those older women who would be like, I never talked about it? Or they have an affair because like, the guy, I don't know. When all those women would have affairs, cause grandpop was in Korea or in Vietnam, and they never talked about it. And then, you know, that one uncle always did look a little different, and he never said anything, and like, they didn't, we didn't have 23andMe, and then 23andMe happened, and now everyone's like, wait a second, I'm, I'm 116 black, and you go, well? Like, so those, those used to be secrets.

• 54:40Speaker 01

  We don't have those no more.

• 54:41Speaker 02

  We don't have that anymore.

• 54:41Speaker 01

  I, I, I have, do you have, we don't have to discuss them on here, but you have secrets.

• 54:47Speaker 02

  Do I have secrets? I don't know if I have a secret in the world.

• 54:50Speaker 01

  Yes, you do.

• 54:51Speaker 02

  I'm trying to think if I have a secret.

• 54:53Speaker 01

  You've got a few.

• 54:54Speaker 02

  Do I?

• 54:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:55Speaker 02

  Are they bad?

• 54:58Speaker 02

  Chance, what are my secrets? We can cut it if I don't like it.

• 54:59Speaker 01

  No, this is, I, this is, these are yours, one of my secrets. Like, if I, let's, let's say crazy enough, hypothetically, let's, if, when you kiss a famous person now, that's a secret.

• 55:14Speaker 02

  Oh, I guess.

• 55:15Speaker 01

  That's a secret.

• 55:16Speaker 02

  Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 55:17Speaker 01

  That's a secret.

• 55:18Speaker 02

  Yeah. What famous person are you thinking of right now?

• 55:20Speaker 01

  Of you kissing?

• 55:21Speaker 02

  Of you kissing, and you know we'll bleep it.

• 55:22Speaker 01

  No, no, no, I'm thinking of who you've been kissing.

• 55:24Speaker 02

  You don't need to worry about who I'm kissing.

• 55:25Speaker 01

  Cause I just saw your eyes light up. Well, but no, because now we run in enough circles, and this is connected to early, early conversations. There's like people, there's your level of fame, and then basically, when you talk to people who are more famous than you, and like, let's say you get a famous person's number, and the first text they send is like, you never share this. And you go, I would never share this, and you go, oh, we got a secret.

• 55:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:49Speaker 01

  That's a secret.

• 55:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:50Speaker 01

  Wherever you see somebody, this is actually even juicier, when you see people at a thing, and you go, I'm not telling nobody.

• 56:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:00Speaker 01

  Cause it could.

• 56:02Speaker 02

  One thing about these famous people.

• 56:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:04Speaker 02

  They are fucking each other silly. It's crazy.

• 56:08Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 56:09Speaker 02

  They're stepping out of these relationships.

• 56:11Speaker 01

  And we can never say, well, it's not even stepping out, you'll just be like, you came to this party with him?

• 56:16Speaker 02

  It's both. Some of these people are cheating, they are fucking each other crazy. Almost every famous person you can think of has fucked each other. I'm dead serious. You, I will, I will hear and see things that I'm like, I can't believe those two are fucking.

• 56:28Speaker 01

  Or you'll go, you'll go, huh, huh. You go, I'm happy. You go, yeah. You go, yeah. I would look at y'all kissing, holding hands.

• 56:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, that one's fun. That is a fun part of having access to that stuff is getting to know other people's secrets. I do like that part of it.

• 56:46Speaker 01

  It's a, it's a fun place to be. I can, can I ask a serious question? Whenever, do you fear, do you fear that? Do you fear the loss of Caleb? It has happened already. Do you fear the further loss of any and all anonymity?

• 57:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 57:05Speaker 01

  Regarding your, your friendships and your intimate relationships?

• 57:12Speaker 02

  No, it's not really about, I, the, I fear the loss of anonymity just in terms of being able to move through the world. Uh, and being like, left alone isn't the right phrase, but just be like, trusting that people are being nice to you because you're nice to them. And not just because they think you're somebody or, I don't know, there, yeah. Anonymity is something that's very important to me. And a, a difficult part of this job, boo hoo, is definitely the, the dissolution of that thing that I love. But do I worry about, in my last relationship, I thought for the first time about whether or not I should post this person? And how I should talk about this thing? And I honestly kept most of it pretty private.

• 57:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:53Speaker 02

  Um, but yeah, I, I don't, I don't, my sex life is whatever. I don't really care if people talk about having slept with me. Uh, my friendships are pretty, that's cool. I don't know, it's not really tied to that.

• 58:05Speaker 01

  You do a very fun and good job in kind of a post-internet fear mongering era. Where you will make a joke about a guy talking to you a lot on Grindr and then it didn't work out. Or like, you have the hilarious story about the French hookup. You have like, you have fun stuff because like, I guess this is the first time that like queer men have been able to. Like for the past 10 years, people had can kind of like, you, like, there was a time when like, if you would have been semi-famous on Grindr, people would have been like, what are you doing on Grindr? People like, why are you messaging people? And you're like, because I'm gonna fuck them.

• 58:40Speaker 02

  Oh, they still do that sometimes, yeah.

• 58:41Speaker 01

  Really?

• 58:42Speaker 02

  Oh, people will go, what are you on here for? And I go, what do you think?

• 58:45Speaker 01

  Are they Puritans? What is, what is this bullshit?

• 58:48Speaker 02

  They imagine that there's some echelon where you won't want, like, they go, why aren't you on Raya? And I go, I am and it fucking sucks.

• 58:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:56Speaker 02

  Grinder is for gay men who want to fuck.

• 58:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:59Speaker 02

  That's what I'm interested in. I'm going to be on here until I either get monogamously married or die.

• 59:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, and guess what? Sometimes Grinder can help you die. They will kill you.

• 59:11Speaker 02

  It's not gonna help, it'll help you die before it helps you get monogamously married.

• 59:16Speaker 01

  If you wanna die, baby, get on Grinder.

• 59:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 59:19Speaker 01

  Get on Grinder. If you wanna try meth accidentally, boy, have I got a site for you.

• 59:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 59:25Speaker 01

  They cooking up stuff.

• 59:26Speaker 02

  They're doing stuff over there.

• 59:27Speaker 01

  Well, they want you on Raya, but they don't know. These people, that sounds mean to say, they, what they think Raya is? They think Raya is something fancy. You know who's on Raya? Army Hammer. Like, that's, you talk about,

• 59:42Speaker 01

  you talk about someone wanting to be on Raya. Raya, the fact that they know about Raya means Raya ain't Raya no more.

• 59:50Speaker 02

  Yeah. And Raya is so much, like, Raya is too ambiguous. I don't like, I mean, Raya is, like, sometimes people are trying to network. Sometimes people are hitting you up because you've got mutual friends. What I like about Grinder is you can set your, you can set your boundaries. And honestly, shout out to gay guys. Most of the time, I feel like they, once I put in my bio, I do not want to talk to you about my job.

• 1:00:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:13Speaker 02

  Most gay guys stopped hitting me up about my job, and I really appreciate that.

• 1:00:16Speaker 01

  Shout out gay guys.

• 1:00:17Speaker 02

  Shout out gay guys.

• 1:00:18Speaker 01

  Y'all don't get celebrated enough. If you tell a gay guy, don't ask about my job, he's gonna be like, oh my, oh my.

• 1:00:25Speaker 01

  He's not gonna ask about it.

• 1:00:27Speaker 02

  For the most part.

• 1:00:28Speaker 01

  For the most part.

• 1:00:28Speaker 02

  For the most part.

• 1:00:29Speaker 01

  Afterwards, they might go, hey, okay.

• 1:00:31Speaker 02

  Well, that's different.

• 1:00:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:32Speaker 02

  That's different.

• 1:00:36Speaker 01

  This is too personal. How many gay boys afterwards been like, Caleb, I really want some Waxahatchee tickets?

• 1:00:44Speaker 02

  You know what? One of, one of my favorite-

• 1:00:46Speaker 01

  But that's a gay guy with taste.

• 1:00:47Speaker 02

  Hello?

• 1:00:48Speaker 01

  Hey!

• 1:00:49Speaker 02

  I like that you like good stuff. One of my favorite guys that I'm sleeping with right now, we started hooking up because he messaged me on Grinder and was like, I'm a huge fan, I would love to sleep with you tonight. And I was like, great. And we have a super fun relationship.

• 1:01:01Speaker 01

  That's beautiful.

• 1:01:01Speaker 02

  I love that guy.

• 1:01:02Speaker 01

  That's wonderful.

• 1:01:03Speaker 02

  He stayed at my house last night, shout out to him.

• 1:01:08Speaker 02

  He's a great guy. He's a member of my beloved community.

• 1:01:12Speaker 01

  Kayla said, them dishes better be clean. There better not be no dishes in the sleep when I get back.

• 1:01:17Speaker 02

  Please, gay guys don't do anything.

• 1:01:19Speaker 01

  Gay guys do dishes. My husband does the dishes all the time.

• 1:01:22Speaker 02

  Does he really?

• 1:01:23Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:01:24Speaker 02

  I need to find a gay guy who does something.

• 1:01:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, listen, my husband, he does the di- I cook, he does the dishes, and we both cheat. No, no, no, no, no. I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

• 1:01:34Speaker 02

  But you're not. He doesn't, you do, yeah.

• 1:01:36Speaker 01

  No, I know, I know. I don't even cheat. I go, baby, hold the camera steady. We got, we got, we got some clips to make.

• 1:01:43Speaker 02

  Don't talk so loud, people don't like to hear the director's voice.

• 1:01:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, okay, leave that on the DVD commentary.

• 1:01:50Speaker 01

  I want someone to do that for their sex tape. I want someone to be like, so what we were going for here, um, you kind of see...

• 1:01:56Speaker 02

  So you can see...

• 1:01:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, the themes.

• 1:01:58Speaker 02

  I do get pissed off when I'm watching porn and it's too long on an angle I'm not interested in. They're like, they're like from underneath, like the point of view of the sheets. I'm like, stop.

• 1:02:06Speaker 01

  No, that, like...

• 1:02:07Speaker 02

  Move back to some faces.

• 1:02:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, every, some of the angles now, I go, this is neither sexy nor impressive. This is kind of just a static shot that's weird.

• 1:02:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:20Speaker 01

  And sometimes if you, if you see, like, you know, millennials, our brains are ruined. So now, if you see enough porn, and it's not, it's not feeling sexy at all, it be, it feels clinical.

• 1:02:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:02:32Speaker 01

  And you just go, okay, that's a thing going in the thing.

• 1:02:34Speaker 02

  Super tight shots on that as well. Get a face involved.

• 1:02:37Speaker 01

  I kind of need a, I don't know what I'm looking at, actually.

• 1:02:40Speaker 02

  I, and I can't...

• 1:02:40Speaker 01

  I'm either looking at something really regressive or really progressive.

• 1:02:43Speaker 02

  It's hard to tell. It's hard to tell up close.

• 1:02:45Speaker 01

  You zoom out, you go, oh, that was an armpit.

• 1:02:48Speaker 02

  Gay sex, in the, in the armpit, cool.

• 1:02:51Speaker 01

  I like, I mean, I'm trying to think of like, what, wait a second, what are we talking about?

• 1:02:57Speaker 02

  Porn.

• 1:02:58Speaker 01

  We were talking about porn, but no, there was a beautiful point you were making earlier. Oh, the fear of anonymity. I think that like, the fear of, my fear, when it comes to like, any sort of loss of like, privacy...

• 1:03:14Speaker 01

  I'm okay with that as long as the people who are asking for stuff, do it in a respectful way. Like, I got off the train. I was kinda, I was kinda pissed because it was high. I was getting off the train. I was kinda thinking, someone said, "Hey, are you that comedian?" I love a "Hey, are you that comedian?" I don't, I don't love people saying crazy stuff when they haven't established that I am the person they're talking to. Because now, some people will say stuff I've said, or they say a joke, and they're like pointing at their joke, be like, "Whoa, okay, I'm, okay, it took me a re-" because you were just pointing at me saying a thing.

• 1:03:46Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:03:47Speaker 01

  And I'm-

• 1:03:47Speaker 02

  And I don't move through the world every second thinking about me being someone you might recognize.

• 1:03:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:52Speaker 02

  So you walk up to me on the street and say something insane to me-

• 1:03:54Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:55Speaker 02

  -that I might have said at one point, that's nuts. I don't know anything about that, yeah.

• 1:03:58Speaker 01

  I love a "Are you blank?"

• 1:04:00Speaker 02

  Do you know what I can't stand?

• 1:04:01Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:04:02Speaker 02

  And I don't want to have this conversation for too long because I do think it's probably boring to people that aren't us.

• 1:04:05Speaker 01

  No, no, no.

• 1:04:06Speaker 02

  Uh, "Aren't you famous?" Walk into traffic. Leave me alone. That is such a useless waste of my time and yours.

• 1:04:14Speaker 01

  No, that's a bad thing to say.

• 1:04:16Speaker 02

  Or, uh, "Do I know you from something?" If you're not sure, move on with your day, sweetheart.

• 1:04:21Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:04:21Speaker 02

  Leave me alone, don't waste your time.

• 1:04:23Speaker 01

  You know who-

• 1:04:24Speaker 02

  Hate that.

• 1:04:24Speaker 01

  You know, okay, so you don't like a "Are you famous?" I, I will see a person who is of note

• 1:04:32Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 1:04:32Speaker 01

  in various fields. If they even look the tiniest bit busy, I ain't even going over there.

• 1:04:38Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:04:38Speaker 01

  That's, that's actually a bigger fear.

• 1:04:40Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:04:40Speaker 01

  It's like interrupting someone. I saw Jason Williams, basketball player, White Chocolate. I saw Jason Williams at the airport. That was his name. Don't laugh. That was his name. People called him White Chocolate. Why? Because they said he played like a br- So, Jason Williams, I saw him at the airport. And you, you know when you see someone at the airport and they, there's some, there was a delay. Some, they're looking at the phone.

• 1:05:00Speaker 02

  Stress.

• 1:05:01Speaker 01

  Not good?

• 1:05:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:05:02Speaker 01

  I saw people go up to this man. I said, "Oh, well, that's not gonna be a good interaction."

• 1:05:06Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:05:06Speaker 01

  Like, he's clearly working with something.

• 1:05:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:05:08Speaker 01

  I, I hate that. I never want to do that to anyone.

• 1:05:12Speaker 02

  Jay, what's so true to you?

• 1:05:13Speaker 01

  What's so true to me? So, ooh.

• 1:05:18Speaker 01

  I've said this before, we know it's so true to me. I love bad Photoshop, I hate AI. If you give me the option between horrible, bad, bad photo, I'm talking Microsoft Paint, bad. I'm taking that over AI every time. There's soul, there's humanity, there's flaws, there's, it's fucked up a little bit. It's actually more interesting than AI because AI kinda smooths everything and reduces us to nothing. I love horrible Photoshop, horrible graphic design, I mean bad. I'm talking, Caleb, I cannot stress how bad I want it to be.

• 1:05:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:05:57Speaker 01

  Versus AI. That's what I want.

• 1:06:01Speaker 02

  I agree with you.

• 1:06:01Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:06:02Speaker 02

  I can put, cause also by the way, AI half the time also has fuckups. So now what have we done?

• 1:06:06Speaker 01

  Right?

• 1:06:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:06:07Speaker 01

  I'd rather, I'd rather you be able to see the outline of the event I was actually at on the poster for the different event.

• 1:06:15Speaker 01

  Then for me to have six fingers, right? I would much rather you be like, was, okay, that is clearly taken from a birthday party.

• 1:06:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:06:23Speaker 01

  I can see the, I can see the H in Jay, I can see the flames from the candle. I'd much rather see that, I want that out in the world. I'm so sick of this AI bullshit and so many comedians are being like, but I need to, pay your friend $20 to make something for you. It's gonna be bad. You only paid $20. Put that out. When someone says, oh, I love how bad this is, be like, yeah, that's the idea.

• 1:06:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I like that.

• 1:06:48Speaker 01

  You always get to do that.

• 1:06:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm doing that on purpose.

• 1:06:50Speaker 01

  Right?

• 1:06:51Speaker 02

  DIY.

• 1:06:51Speaker 01

  This is beautiful.

• 1:06:52Speaker 02

  It is beautiful.

• 1:06:53Speaker 01

  Cause AI, I hate it so. Bad Photoshop is so true to me, AI is terrible.

• 1:06:59Speaker 02

  False, bad, cancel.

• 1:07:01Speaker 01

  It's so false.

• 1:07:02Speaker 02

  Hate.

• 1:07:02Speaker 01

  It's, okay, so I love comic books, I truly love the X-Men, and I know, I know, you, I get it.

• 1:07:10Speaker 02

  I'm listening.

• 1:07:11Speaker 01

  No, you don't like it.

• 1:07:11Speaker 02

  I'm listening.

• 1:07:12Speaker 01

  Don't do this.

• 1:07:13Speaker 02

  I don't care about it, but I care that you care.

• 1:07:14Speaker 01

  That's beautiful, that's how you know I'm a good friend. Listen, if you would've said this, I would've shown up at a beauty bar.

• 1:07:18Speaker 02

  Hello.

• 1:07:20Speaker 01

  So, I love the X-Men, and one of the X-Men's big final villains is AI primarily because the X-

• 1:07:28Speaker 01

  Men are mutants and mutants are all about the differences in humanity and the difference among people. AI is a smoothing over of differences. And AI first wants to get rid of mutants, then it wants to get rid of humans who could possibly have mutant children. And then it wants to get rid of humans in general. And we're not taking that lesson away because we think, oh, AI is fine. They keep making robots that can fight. Have you seen these robots now?

• 1:07:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm not looking now.

• 1:07:57Speaker 01

  That can kick. A robot kicked a child.

• 1:07:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, I saw that. And the kid looked pretty hurt, actually.

• 1:08:01Speaker 01

  Put that in the code.

• 1:08:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:03Speaker 01

  The robot didn't wake up and say, oh, I'm gonna kick somebody. But someone said, zero, zero, one, one, zero, zero, one, one, zero, zero, kick. And the robot kicked a child. And now we think it's cute because we got a video.

• 1:08:14Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:14Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:08:15Speaker 02

  It's not cute.

• 1:08:16Speaker 01

  It's not cute.

• 1:08:17Speaker 02

  They can't be kicking kids.

• 1:08:18Speaker 01

  They, you'll watch that clip and then the next thing on TikTok will be, you know how you watch movies on TikTok now? It's just like every movie is in seventeen parts on TikTok. So it'll be like, you know what I'm talking about, Michelle?

• 1:08:30Speaker 02

  People are watching movies on TikTok?

• 1:08:31Speaker 01

  It's crazy. Someone, there, there'll be like a whole TikTok account dedicated to a movie that they've split into twenty-three parts.

• 1:08:38Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:08:39Speaker 01

  You'll be like, oh, yeah, that is Anchorman.

• 1:08:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:42Speaker 01

  And so now you could see a robot kick a child on TikTok. And then the next ad will be like, don't you want to do more AI? You just saw a robot kick a child. No!

• 1:08:53Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm good.

• 1:08:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, but I, you know, but AI is terrible and horrible and I hate it.

• 1:09:00Speaker 02

  I, I'm also really interested in like what the plan is with these data centers. People are taking, like, it's not only taking all the water, but it also is making crazy amounts of noise. Have you seen?

• 1:09:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:09:10Speaker 02

  There's like videos on Instagram of people being like sound meter in their yard.

• 1:09:13Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:09:13Speaker 02

  Eighteen blocks away from a fucking.

• 1:09:15Speaker 01

  There was that woman who got this beautiful house out in the country in Georgia, I think, or Tennessee. And she like, was like, I'm finally gonna get a little bit of peace and quiet from my husband and the horses. And then the ASN is

• 1:09:33Speaker 01

  all day.

• 1:09:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:34Speaker 01

  And we're running that just so we can make posters.

• 1:09:36Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:37Speaker 01

  Just so we can be like, hey, Grok, can you take Caleb's clothes off in this image?

• 1:09:41Speaker 02

  Well. Hold on. Hold on, don't bring me back around.

• 1:09:46Speaker 01

  No, you can send that, Caleb.

• 1:09:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're right.

• 1:09:49Speaker 01

  You can send that.

• 1:09:50Speaker 02

  You're right, that's my bad. Jay, you wanna play a game?

• 1:09:52Speaker 01

  I would love to play. Whenever people play this game online, I try to see if I'm smarter than them.

• 1:09:57Speaker 02

  And how's it go?

• 1:09:57Speaker 01

  Ah, you know.

• 1:09:58Speaker 02

  Yeah. Jay, I'm gonna read you 15 statements. You're gonna tell me as quickly as you can if what I just said is true or false. If you get 10 or more correct, you know we're gonna give you 50 US dollars.

• 1:10:06Speaker 01

  He's trying to make me go fast. I'm gonna go slow.

• 1:10:08Speaker 02

  What?

• 1:10:09Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:10:09Speaker 02

  WWE stands for World Wrestling Empire.

• 1:10:11Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:10:12Speaker 02

  False. World Wrestling Entertainment. Abe Lincoln was shot on the same day the Secret Service started.

• 1:10:16Speaker 01

  False.

• 1:10:16Speaker 02

  It's true. Starfish don't have brains.

• 1:10:19Speaker 01

  False.

• 1:10:19Speaker 02

  It's true.

• 1:10:20Speaker 01

  True.

• 1:10:20Speaker 02

  The Parthenon is in Sparta.

• 1:10:22Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:10:22Speaker 02

  False. Athens. Ole Miss's motto is for knowledge and wisdom.

• 1:10:26Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:10:26Speaker 02

  That's true.

• 1:10:27Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:10:27Speaker 02

  You don't have to go to law school to take the bar exam in Vermont.

• 1:10:30Speaker 01

  You don't.

• 1:10:30Speaker 02

  It's true. The moon has no atmosphere.

• 1:10:32Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:10:36Speaker 01

  False.

• 1:10:37Speaker 02

  It's true.

• 1:10:39Speaker 01

  Okay, Tross.

• 1:10:41Speaker 02

  It's true. Count that one wrong.

• 1:10:43Speaker 01

  He doesn't like non-binary people.

• 1:10:44Speaker 02

  Chuck E. Cheese is older than Courtney Cox.

• 1:10:46Speaker 01

  Of course.

• 1:10:49Speaker 02

  Say, there's two words. Say true or false, I dare you.

• 1:10:52Speaker 01

  I dare you.

• 1:10:54Speaker 02

  False. An acute angle is greater than 90 degrees.

• 1:10:57Speaker 01

  No, an acute angle is less than 90 degrees. Optus angle is more than 90 degrees.

• 1:11:00Speaker 02

  False. The current mayor of Jackson, Mississippi is John Claw.

• 1:11:03Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:11:04Speaker 02

  False. John Horn. A group of camels is called a caravan.

• 1:11:07Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:11:08Speaker 02

  True.

• 1:11:08Speaker 01

  False.

• 1:11:09Speaker 02

  The Roman Republic ended in 33 AD.

• 1:11:11Speaker 01

  No. That's when Jesus died.

• 1:11:14Speaker 02

  False. 27 B.C. C.S. Lewis wrote The Chronicles of Narnia.

• 1:11:17Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:11:18Speaker 02

  True. In humans, the liver is on the left side of the body.

• 1:11:20Speaker 01

  Which way is the camera facing?

• 1:11:25Speaker 02

  False. The right side. Busch Gardens, Tampa, opened in 1959.

• 1:11:28Speaker 01

  I worked there. I don't know. False.

• 1:11:32Speaker 02

  True. How do you do? Hard to say.

• 1:11:37Speaker 02

  You didn't win.

• 1:11:40Speaker 02

  Oh shit. Jay, tell the people where they can find you.

• 1:11:43Speaker 01

  You can find me at jayjordan.com for all tickets. I'm on tour. Whenever this comes out, I'll be close to you. And if not, I eventually will be, unless that restraining order still stands.

• 1:11:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:11:55Speaker 01

  But you can catch me online, on tour, Jay Jurden on all social media stuff. Come see a show. I'm doing a completely new hour. It's different. You can watch my special on Hulu, comedy specials. Both got, we both got comedy specials.

• 1:12:10Speaker 02

  But watch Jay's on Hulu.

• 1:12:11Speaker 01

  This was very funny.

• 1:12:12Speaker 02

  Thanks, babe.

• 1:12:13Speaker 01

  I loved, out of here, we, good stuff. Y'all gotta watch this one. But I, I don't know, online, you can, you can catch all the stuff. Yeah, follow me. That's it.

• 1:12:22Speaker 02

  Appreciate you. Thanks for doing it.