Jack Martin Returns

Welcome! This week’s guest is the hilarious Jack Martin! Jack and Caleb talk Pizza Movie, New York vs. LA, a certain new piece of scary technology, bad boys, and so much more! Join our Substack for ad free full episodes, early access to merch, our community chat, and more! https://calebsaysthings.substack.com/ Follow Jack! @realjackmartin Follow the show! @sooootruepod Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloud Go to https://www.squarespace.com/SOTRUE to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code SOTRUE. Find exactly what you’re booking for at Booking.com. Book today on the site or in the app. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at https://RocketMoney.com/SOTRUE Shop now at https://Fabletics.com/sotrue to get 70-80% percent off everything when you sign up as a new VIP Go to https://Audible.com/headswillrollseries to start listening today. Get 40% off select Lola Blankets products at https://Lolablankets.com by using code SOTRUE at checkout. Experience the world’s #1 blanket withLola Blankets. So True with Caleb Hearon is edited and engineered by Nicole Lyons. Our social media manager is Virginia Muller. All episodes are filmed in The So Trudio at Legitimate Business World Headquarters in Brooklyn, New York. A Wave series. https://wavesportsandentertainment.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

• 0:01Speaker 00

  Wave.

• 0:04Speaker 01

  What is the biggest change you've ever made in your life? Like, what is the best, what is the best thing that you started doing that improved your life? Do you have one?

• 0:12Speaker 02

  Oh my god, I don't know if I do.

• 0:15Speaker 01

  Come on, Jack.

• 0:16Speaker 02

  Do you have one?

• 0:16Speaker 01

  Well, I was gonna think while you were answering.

• 0:24Speaker 01

  You and Derry, so, there are little pills you can take.

• 0:29Speaker 02

  What are they, lactose?

• 0:30Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 0:31Speaker 02

  You doing that? I've done it before and it has helped, so I guess that's my answer.

• 0:38Speaker 02

  I really genuinely realized in that moment that I am lactose intolerant.

• 0:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:44Speaker 02

  I always have a revelation on this podcast.

• 0:46Speaker 01

  Is that true?

• 0:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, last time I came on, I remember I was looking at the YouTube comments. There's one comment that said something like, "This guy's never had a friend."

• 0:59Speaker 01

  What?

• 0:59Speaker 02

  Or like, "I've never seen someone who needs therapy more."

• 1:03Speaker 01

  That is-

• 1:04Speaker 02

  Which I am in.

• 1:04Speaker 01

  Whoa.

• 1:06Speaker 02

  It felt like a read. It felt, it felt very, um-

• 1:09Speaker 01

  You can't be reading that stuff, Jack.

• 1:11Speaker 02

  Well, it was interesting because it wasn't a hate comment. It was like someone looking out for me.

• 1:15Speaker 01

  No, that's how they get you. That's how they get you. They put on like the Concerned Citizen hat and then they read you to fucking fill. That's one of the ways they try to get you.

• 1:25Speaker 02

  Well, I think it's because you, you give, you, you give me revelations on this pod.

• 1:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:29Speaker 02

  Like, like the lactose.

• 1:31Speaker 01

  That's beautiful. I think the thing that we always have to remember about people commenting on podcasts on the internet is, they're commenting on podcasts on the internet.

• 1:40Speaker 01

  And I send my love to the, to the fans, to the people who are being sweet. I'm sure, I, I love you, I appreciate you, I'm not reading, but you just have to remember, like, when someone puts like a, you know, I've seen like two paragraph hate comments about me on something and I go, "You took time out of your day to do that. You can't have a very good life."

• 1:56Speaker 02

  I genuinely couldn't think of one thing that's hateable about you.

• 1:59Speaker 01

  Oh, there's plenty. I'm just saying to take time to write it is crazy.

• 2:03Speaker 02

  I was having this conversation with someone recently and I think where we landed is that it's not, everyone always talks about it with comments. I actually would go so far as to say, "Maybe this should have been my so true." Is that having an opinion about anything on the is crazy.

• 2:16Speaker 01

  To me, it's it's it's it's committing to actually just writing it and posting it.

• 2:20Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 2:21Speaker 01

  Like, I have opinions about everything. I'm ill. There's something wrong with me. I can't stop having opinions about everything. Things that have nothing to do with me. I have opinions on.

• 2:27Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 2:28Speaker 01

  But I I am never in my life on an in in on a comment section on the internet sharing that.

• 2:34Speaker 02

  Right.

• 2:34Speaker 01

  Like, I have the show and I have stand up and I have like ways to talk about my little thoughts. But I'm never sitting down and typing out two paragraphs in a comment on Instagram.

• 2:41Speaker 02

  Right.

• 2:42Speaker 01

  Uh, mostly because I have an interesting life that I enjoy.

• 2:44Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 2:45Speaker 01

  Which is my point. It's like taking time to do that is a real like, whoa.

• 2:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:49Speaker 01

  Were you in therapy at the time that you saw the therapy comment?

• 2:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:52Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 2:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, of course.

• 2:57Speaker 01

  Okay, yeah.

• 2:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, but I mean, they were correct.

• 3:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:01Speaker 02

  Correct read of me.

• 3:02Speaker 01

  What are you working on in there? Anything you can share or not really my business?

• 3:05Speaker 02

  Um, definitely your business. Uh, I mean, clearly the lactose is on the list.

• 3:09Speaker 01

  We're gonna work on therapy.

• 3:10Speaker 02

  We're gonna work on the lactose.

• 3:11Speaker 01

  We're gonna work on lactose and therapy.

• 3:12Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, the problem is like there's such an overlap between the physical problems and the mental problems.

• 3:17Speaker 01

  Yeah?

• 3:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, like, you know, this is like the least funny topics I can be bringing. The the sleep apnea is like diabolical. Yeah, the lack of being able to breathe.

• 3:30Speaker 01

  You know what? I'm keying in on something here. Me, me ceasing to breathe in my sleep is not working. I was really shocked. We stayed together at South by.

• 3:41Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 3:42Speaker 01

  We went to South by Southwest for the um, Art House film Pizza Movie that we were both in.

• 3:47Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 3:47Speaker 01

  Um, and of uh, for which I auditioned for your role. Famously. Have we talked about this on here already? Did we talk about it the last time?

• 3:56Speaker 02

  I don't think so.

• 3:57Speaker 01

  I auditioned for the role that that Jack played in Pizza Movie because I thought it was so interesting, which is totally. And then they said, well, we're gonna give it to Jack Martin. I said, that's correct. That's my boy. He'll do great with it. And then they said, but we have something for you. And then. And then, and then they sent me a role that they created for me, which is very sweet. Shout out to Nick and Brian. Um, not so sweet when you read it, though, because.

• 4:19Speaker 01

  The first line after they rejected me playing a college student was, "I am 31 years old, and I have taken a gap decade." So it was, we're talking about a movie that imagines that people can get so high that they get a chainsaw shoved up their ass, wasn't able to stretch the imagination enough for me to be 21. Right? And so those are my dear friends. And we went to South 5 with the movie and we stayed together. And you, your sleeping patterns were quite interesting to me.

• 4:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, that got scary.

• 4:56Speaker 01

  I was like, "This is a sleepy guy."

• 4:58Speaker 02

  You were like, "Do you want to go in the pool at 2:00 PM?" And I was like, "Oh, I can't, I'm gonna be asleep."

• 5:02Speaker 01

  Yeah. And then, so what was interesting about it is I was like, I was like, it would be kind of like, "Do you want to do breakfast at 7:00 AM?" And you'd be like, "I gotta sleep." And then be like, "Do you want to do pool at 10:00 PM?" And you'd be like, "Bedtime." And I'd be like, "Hey, we're gonna stay up late." It'd be like midnight, and I'd be like, "I think we're gonna stay up for another couple hours." And you'd be like, "Ah, it's just the sleep I gotta do." And I was like, "This guy is getting his fucking..." I was actually, I left that situation being like, "I'm not taking care of myself." Jack Martin is a health guru in my life, and I need to be getting sleep.

• 5:30Speaker 02

  It's good that I gave that appearance because the real explanation behind it is that I just like haven't seen a doctor in an unbelievable amount of time.

• 5:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, there's, you know, there are surgeries you and I were talking about last night.

• 5:43Speaker 02

  Yes, yeah. Well, you're, you're great at seeing the doctor. You sort of wind him up.

• 5:47Speaker 01

  No, I'm getting, I'm getting good at it.

• 5:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 5:49Speaker 01

  Jack, this is, how, let me, how old you are?

• 5:51Speaker 02

  27.

• 5:52Speaker 01

  Right.

• 5:52Speaker 02

  I, when you said that, I forgot.

• 5:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:55Speaker 02

  I don't know why.

• 5:56Speaker 01

  Four years from now, you might find yourself in a position like I'm in. And I don't know, I, I am grateful, I'm grateful for things you can't even imagine thinking about. I'm, I'm expressing gratitude for my body. Turning 30 really shifted something for me.

• 6:11Speaker 02

  Right.

• 6:11Speaker 01

  But yeah, I'm going to the doctor all the time now.

• 6:13Speaker 02

  Oh, God.

• 6:13Speaker 01

  If something's even slightly wrong, I'm hitting the doctor. And this is, of course, guy who has good health insurance privilege.

• 6:19Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 6:20Speaker 01

  I'm exercising it. I'm going in there, I'm telling him, I went in for an STD test, and I said, I said, "Take some extra blood, run everything." He said, "What for?" I said, "Just in case."

• 6:30Speaker 02

  Just like as a tip?

• 6:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:32Speaker 02

  Damn, take some blood on the top.

• 6:34Speaker 01

  Don't spend this all in one place, sugar.

• 6:37Speaker 01

  Ah, yeah, I'm going to the doctor. I'm thinking about getting a colonoscopy just to see what's going on in there. Michael Kruze came and was just telling me about it.

• 6:44Speaker 02

  What's that thing you can get where they, they just sort of suck it all out?

• 6:47Speaker 01

  Lipo?

• 6:51Speaker 01

  Jack?

• 6:55Speaker 01

  Jack? What?

• 6:57Speaker 02

  No, I meant, I meant of your colon.

• 7:00Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 7:00Speaker 02

  It's like a...

• 7:01Speaker 01

  Enema?

• 7:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:02Speaker 01

  Is that an enema?

• 7:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, that.

• 7:03Speaker 01

  Can't they do those with coffee?

• 7:05Speaker 02

  Yeah, probably.

• 7:05Speaker 01

  Chance, Google-

• 7:06Speaker 02

  That's what's happening, that's what happened to me after Dim Sum.

• 7:09Speaker 01

  Chance, Google coffee enema. Yeah, Jack and I had Dim Sum last night and, um, the truth is that I, when, I walked back to your hotel with you and I had to, I had to spend some, uh, private time in the lobby bathroom.

• 7:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 7:23Speaker 01

  The Dim Sum hit quick.

• 7:25Speaker 02

  It, it, it moved at an unbelievable pace.

• 7:27Speaker 01

  It moved at an unbelievable pace. And the Dim, and the Dim Sum was very good.

• 7:30Speaker 02

  It was excellent.

• 7:31Speaker 01

  I messed up a little bit on ordering for us.

• 7:33Speaker 02

  It's okay.

• 7:34Speaker 01

  It's not, dude. I, I wanna get, I love ordering for the table and when you don't get it right, it's, it's, uh, it's a nightmare 'cause you take that burden on your shoulders, you wanna take care of the people you love.

• 7:42Speaker 02

  Well, it is a talent of yours, ordering for the table. You, you've put together some incredible orders in our time.

• 7:47Speaker 01

  Usually, but last night-

• 7:48Speaker 02

  The Thai food in Liverpool, New York.

• 7:50Speaker 01

  The Thai food in Liverpool, New York, I did order for us there. You know, filming a movie in Syracuse can be such an incredible thing that happens to you. You can, you can really live somewhere for three weeks and, uh, do nothing.

• 8:07Speaker 02

  You can go to Denny's.

• 8:08Speaker 01

  You can go to Denny's, which we did.

• 8:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:10Speaker 01

  You can go to the one Thai restaurant, which, I will say, I was pretty stoned for, but I gotta say, it was a better, one of the better ones.

• 8:17Speaker 02

  It was magnificent.

• 8:18Speaker 01

  Chance, coffee enema?

• 8:19Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's, uh, it, uh, coffee enema involves introducing brewed cooled coffee into the rectum and colon to promote bowel cleansing and purported liver detox. High-quality clinical evidence is minimal-

• 8:33Speaker 01

  Why is he still going?

• 8:33Speaker 03

  And major, and major liver guidelines do not endorse it.

• 8:37Speaker 01

  Why didn't he put it on the screen, Jack? Why didn't he put it on the screen?

• 8:40Speaker 02

  I was expecting a visual.

• 8:41Speaker 01

  I know, I wanted to see maybe a diagram.

• 8:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, I really wasn't expecting you to say that the enema goes in that route. I thought it was like you drink it and that's just what happens, because that is usually what happens to me, frankly.

• 8:52Speaker 01

  Okay, no, no, that's a different, okay, so this is, this is an interesting picture. There was an interesting picture where it was just a coffee cup in front of a bowels.

• 9:01Speaker 03

  And, and this is why I, I just read.

• 9:03Speaker 01

  TLC.

• 9:04Speaker 02

  And you're supposed to figure out the rest.

• 9:06Speaker 01

  Click on try a coffee enema, Chance, would you please, the pink one on the next row? Okay, for detox and wellness, remove toxins, improve digestion and boost energy. You know, people lived for a very long time before any of this stuff ever came up. But enema may be good, colonoscopy I'm just hearing raving about.

• 9:24Speaker 02

  This just feels like something that would save me.

• 9:26Speaker 01

  You think?

• 9:27Speaker 02

  Don't you think?

• 9:27Speaker 01

  I want you to get into this kind of stuff. I like when my friends get kind of rich in Hollywood and they start telling me that they're getting like IVs to the house. I like that stuff, I think that's nice.

• 9:37Speaker 02

  There's just something about like, I don't know, maybe I'm like with the Goop marketing or something, but just like, like removing everything out of me in this way through like a bag.

• 9:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:47Speaker 02

  It just feels like it's gonna fix all my problems at once.

• 9:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:51Speaker 02

  I'm very susceptible to marketing.

• 9:53Speaker 01

  I do know that about you.

• 9:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:55Speaker 01

  I will say, speaking of Goop, for all my questions about Goop, for all my fears about Gwyneth Paltrow, I have a lot of questions for her, I hope she's well, I just, she, she talks about supplements and wellness in a way that I'm like, I want to talk to her and make sure everything's okay. She's beautiful, she looks great. For all my questions about Goop, Goop Kitchen in LA, you ever had it?

• 10:17Speaker 02

  I've heard a lot of things about it.

• 10:19Speaker 01

  It's actually working.

• 10:20Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 10:20Speaker 01

  It's actually working. I was in a writer's room in LA that stopped doing Sweetgreen and started doing Goop Kitchen.

• 10:25Speaker 02

  That's an enormous change for them.

• 10:27Speaker 01

  It was massive, and it changed everything for me, and it was really good, actually.

• 10:32Speaker 02

  What, what kind of things are they serving there?

• 10:33Speaker 01

  You know.

• 10:34Speaker 02

  I really can't begin to imagine.

• 10:35Speaker 01

  Salads, teriyaki chicken bowl, uh, which I had a lot of fun with.

• 10:40Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 10:40Speaker 01

  Um, yeah, I had a good time. And then, yeah, of course, several times a week, they would say, we're doing a Goop order. And I'd say, I'm gonna go across the street to a fried chicken place. You guys go ahead.

• 10:48Speaker 02

  Well, when I hear the name Goop Kitchen, I'm picturing something that serves like Nickelodeon slime.

• 10:54Speaker 01

  Which, you know, uh, my friend Doyle says all the time, uh, he wishes that we just had like a, a meal pill. Like just take your meal pill and then you're just done. And I don't feel that way, but I do understand the desire.

• 11:06Speaker 02

  I heard Glenn Howard didn't say that, that he wishes he could just exclusively drink like a liquid once a day and then just be satiated.

• 11:13Speaker 01

  Really?

• 11:13Speaker 02

  Which is scary, which is scary, but I support it. Yeah.

• 11:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's a really specific and futuristic kind of eating disorder. I personally wish I could be eating all the time, which is my existing literal eating disorder.

• 11:28Speaker 01

  I just love this stuff. I think it's a lot of fun.

• 11:31Speaker 02

  Hell yeah, brother.

• 11:31Speaker 01

  I love sharing a meal. I love, I love it.

• 11:34Speaker 02

  Literally.

• 11:34Speaker 01

  I absolutely love it.

• 11:35Speaker 02

  It's the best there is.

• 11:37Speaker 01

  It is the best there is. How's New York treating you this trip?

• 11:39Speaker 02

  It's going pretty good. You're trying to convince me to like it a lot more than I do.

• 11:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, I will say we're walking through beautiful, gorgeous New York City last night after I text, uh, Jack texted me and said, I'll see you tomorrow for the podcast. And I said, are you in town? And he said, yeah. I said, meet me at this dim sum spot in 30 minutes. I'm gonna get on a bike right now. Meets me, I bike, I bike from Brooklyn to Manhattan. I meet my dear friend at dim sum. We share a gorgeous meal together. We talk about life and art and what it all means. And I say, I'll walk you back to your hotel. We're walking through this beautiful city, middle of the night, busyness, everything happening. And what does Jack say to me? I love LA.

• 12:17Speaker 01

  I was like, what? He goes, yeah, I just love the sunshine. I was like, well, it's 11:00 PM. I'm just like, Jack, what? And I did try to convince you to love LA, to love New York.

• 12:30Speaker 02

  It really seems like such a grave personal insult when you put it like that. And in many, in some ways it was.

• 12:34Speaker 01

  No, it wasn't. I, we talked about LA. I gave you LA book recs and.

• 12:38Speaker 02

  You did, but you also, while I was asleep, sent me an Instagram post that said, reasons you should love New York.

• 12:44Speaker 01

  Well, actually.

• 12:46Speaker 01

  I sent you an Instagram post of a city, a New York City Council person, Chiose, who just posted, all caps on grid, "New York is the only city in the world."

• 12:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, that.

• 12:58Speaker 01

  And I believe it's tied to the Knicks winning some sort of basketball game.

• 13:01Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 13:01Speaker 01

  They're going to, they're going to the finals.

• 13:04Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 13:04Speaker 01

  Which I'm, I love that for them.

• 13:05Speaker 02

  I'm ecstatic for them.

• 13:07Speaker 01

  I believe it's the first time in many years.

• 13:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:09Speaker 01

  So I shout out, I shout out the Knicks.

• 13:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 13:11Speaker 01

  I shout them out.

• 13:12Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 13:13Speaker 01

  But yeah, I do, I have fallen in love with New York. I've always loved New York.

• 13:18Speaker 02

  Right.

• 13:19Speaker 01

  Since moving here, I've become one of those guys.

• 13:21Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 13:21Speaker 01

  And it is not a cute look.

• 13:23Speaker 02

  I just love like, a road trip, even if the road trip is like, Santa Monica to Silver Lake. You know what I mean?

• 13:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:30Speaker 02

  I just love getting in the car. Every time we've gotten in a car together, we've had such a great time. We sing songs, we roll the windows down. That's the best thing a person can experience. Isn't that what you said happens after death?

• 13:41Speaker 01

  Yeah. Nice to drive home on your own?

• 13:43Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 13:43Speaker 01

  Oh, it could just as easily be a bike over the Brooklyn Bridge.

• 13:47Speaker 01

  It could just as easily be a bike ride home after a night out with friends. In fact, it might be.

• 13:52Speaker 02

  I really thought I had you backed into a corner with that one.

• 13:54Speaker 01

  No, what you said was beautiful, and I do love getting in your Jeep. I love having, do you still have the Jeep?

• 13:58Speaker 02

  No, I got rid of it.

• 13:59Speaker 01

  Oh, you got rid of it, and that scares me.

• 14:01Speaker 02

  It was, it was a painful experience.

• 14:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, why'd you do it?

• 14:04Speaker 02

  Uh, it's not a car that was ever meant for me.

• 14:06Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 14:07Speaker 02

  I really misinterpreted what was going on there.

• 14:12Speaker 01

  What do you mean?

• 14:13Speaker 02

  I was just never meant to be a Jeep guy.

• 14:15Speaker 01

  No?

• 14:15Speaker 02

  No.

• 14:16Speaker 01

  You didn't ever get into the rubber ducks?

• 14:18Speaker 02

  Well, I will say, the first time that happened to me, I thought there was a serial killer tracking me down. I mean, imagine, imagine not knowing what that is.

• 14:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:26Speaker 02

  And going back to your car and seeing a rubber duck placed on the hood of your vehicle. Like, that is the mark of a killer.

• 14:33Speaker 01

  But in fact, it's something very sweet.

• 14:35Speaker 02

  It is, it is something very sweet.

• 14:36Speaker 01

  Which is the Jeep community, while certainly contentious, while certainly some crazy politics involved.

• 14:41Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 14:42Speaker 01

  They are, uh, they're very communal.

• 14:45Speaker 02

  Well, and here's something I'll say about that. They always say that you can do the Jeep wave.

• 14:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:50Speaker 02

  Where you, you see a Jeep in traffic and you wave.

• 14:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:53Speaker 02

  There I was, probably dozens of times in my Jeep, doing that, never once getting a wave in return.

• 14:59Speaker 01

  Yeah?

• 14:59Speaker 02

  Not one time.

• 15:00Speaker 01

  I played the fool on that many times as well. I'm always trying to connect and people are not really, I just, when I landed back in New York a couple of days ago, I, it was, I think I told Michelle this, it was raining really hard and I got in the car and I was like shaking off the water and to my driver, I go, why didn't you turn off the rain for me? And he, in the rearview mirror, he just goes,

• 15:27Speaker 01

  and I went, no worries? Yeah, people are not really trying to connect with me a lot of times and I'm putting it out, I'm begging.

• 15:34Speaker 02

  I would have played that even worse. I would have assumed he didn't hear me and said it like three more times.

• 15:39Speaker 01

  Oh, sorry, turn it down. Why didn't you turn off the rain for me? Dude, I miss you being a Jeep guy. What are you driving these days?

• 15:46Speaker 02

  I got a Mustang, which I guess is like opti- optically even worse.

• 15:49Speaker 01

  That was tough to hear.

• 15:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm sorry.

• 15:55Speaker 01

  You driving top down around LA with that thing?

• 15:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, unfortunately.

• 15:57Speaker 01

  Woo, fun but tough.

• 15:59Speaker 02

  Well, maybe, maybe we could ride together in it and sing some songs and you change your, change your mind.

• 16:04Speaker 01

  I would love that.

• 16:04Speaker 02

  Change your whole view.

• 16:05Speaker 01

  I'll put on This Kiss by Faith Hill.

• 16:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, I know that's right.

• 16:08Speaker 01

  I know you're on that right now.

• 16:09Speaker 02

  Yeah, I am.

• 16:10Speaker 01

  Johnny Burt told's influence.

• 16:11Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm, and the chicks, come on.

• 16:13Speaker 01

  Come on, dude. I, I need to actually get in the Mustang with you. I need to get out there.

• 16:18Speaker 02

  Cowboy Take Me Away.

• 16:19Speaker 01

  Cowboy Take Me Away in many ways, and in many ways,

• 16:23Speaker 01

  Tonight The Heartache's On Me.

• 16:25Speaker 02

  I, I've been saying it for years.

• 16:26Speaker 01

  It's like, these women, the chicks did something that no one else has ever done, which is make music.

• 16:31Speaker 02

  Literally.

• 16:31Speaker 01

  No one ever made music before or after.

• 16:33Speaker 02

  That is genuinely how I feel when it was.

• 16:34Speaker 01

  It was just the chicks.

• 16:35Speaker 02

  In the sunshine.

• 16:36Speaker 01

  Hey.

• 16:37Speaker 02

  The Los Angeles sunshine.

• 16:38Speaker 01

  Come on.

• 16:38Speaker 02

  Come on.

• 16:39Speaker 01

  Jack, you need to have some, you need to have some love for New York. You're in a show about New York.

• 16:43Speaker 02

  You're right, you're right. I am, I am actively promoting a show that is celebrating New York.

• 16:49Speaker 01

  We're gonna, we're gonna get you there.

• 16:51Speaker 02

  There, there are, there's a lot to like about New York. I think the times I have them liked New York, it's been my fault and I'll admit that.

• 16:56Speaker 01

  What's your, what's your least favorite place you've ever lived or spent time?

• 17:01Speaker 01

  Are you scared to say that?

• 17:01Speaker 02

  Yeah, I have an answer, but I feel like they'll be mad at me.

• 17:03Speaker 01

  That'll be for me, that'll be for me.

• 17:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:05Speaker 01

  Okay, and is your most favorite legitimately LA?

• 17:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, it is.

• 17:08Speaker 01

  Really? Cause I, I think I would, you know what I think I'd have a lot of fun? If I moved in with your parents in Michigan for a little bit.

• 17:13Speaker 02

  You would love that. They would love that.

• 17:15Speaker 01

  Those are my boys. Your mom is my boy, your dad is my boy.

• 17:18Speaker 02

  They text me about you all the time.

• 17:20Speaker 01

  That's important to me.

• 17:21Speaker 02

  When your special came out, they took a picture of the picture of it on Apple TV and texted it to the family group chat and said, that's our son.

• 17:28Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 17:29Speaker 02

  I'm not kidding.

• 17:29Speaker 01

  And in many ways, I am. And I need to get over there.

• 17:33Speaker 02

  It's true.

• 17:34Speaker 01

  I wanna go with them in Michigan. I haven't been to see them there at all.

• 17:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, you would adore it.

• 17:38Speaker 01

  And they're riding bikes over there. Your dad's retiring like next week.

• 17:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:42Speaker 01

  I know he's gonna be looking for some good times.

• 17:43Speaker 02

  Yeah. Oh my god, you guys could hang, you could like walk around the water and wave to people.

• 17:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, and I don't want you or Matty to come.

• 17:52Speaker 02

  I understand that.

• 17:52Speaker 01

  Do you know what I mean?

• 17:53Speaker 02

  I understand that completely.

• 17:53Speaker 01

  Cause then it would be about like, they'd have to really lock in on you guys.

• 17:56Speaker 02

  I'd feel like I'd be intruding.

• 17:57Speaker 01

  I want my time.

• 17:58Speaker 02

  Of course.

• 17:59Speaker 01

  With your parents.

• 17:59Speaker 02

  Yeah. You got that a little bit on Pizza Movie.

• 18:02Speaker 01

  I'll get up there. I did.

• 18:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:03Speaker 01

  I did.

• 18:04Speaker 02

  We had the giant green room and then I would leave to shoot and it would just be you and your boys.

• 18:08Speaker 01

  Green room.

• 18:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, the classroom.

• 18:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:11Speaker 01

  Classroom.

• 18:15Speaker 01

  It was a really scary situation. It was a really scary, we were in a condemned high school. Outside of Syracuse. I mean, I can't, I can't say enough. I'm grateful for the opportunity. Thank you guys for having me. I think, I think Pizza Movie number two, if we do one, it's gonna need to be set somewhere different. I think this time they're at, let's do it White Lotus style. This time they're at a resort.

• 18:36Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 18:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, Pete, why, why could Pizza Movie not be at the Four Seasons in Thailand?

• 18:42Speaker 01

  It should be.

• 18:43Speaker 02

  I can't think of one reason why not.

• 18:44Speaker 01

  They become the staff at the Four Seasons Thailand. We just literally do White Lotus. White Lotus, but with the Pizza Movie cast. We'll kill Gaten or something.

• 18:54Speaker 02

  And Gaten would love that.

• 18:55Speaker 01

  Gaten would love that.

• 18:56Speaker 02

  He'd be so happy to be the guy who gets killed.

• 18:58Speaker 01

  We won't kill him right away. Or we'll kill him right away and then the whole season will be him playing a ghost or something.

• 19:01Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 19:02Speaker 01

  Cause I want him there.

• 19:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 19:03Speaker 01

  I don't wanna lose him.

• 19:04Speaker 02

  He's killed immediately and then it starts from the beginning and takes you all the way back.

• 19:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, killed immediately and then flashback vibes.

• 19:10Speaker 02

  Yeah. Do you think you'd still be the Grinch at times?

• 19:13Speaker 01

  No.

• 19:13Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 19:14Speaker 01

  I don't think I'll get in that costume again.

• 19:15Speaker 02

  Right.

• 19:15Speaker 01

  For any reason. I mean.

• 19:19Speaker 01

  I want a different kink. I want a different kink from my guy if we go forward.

• 19:22Speaker 02

  Yeah. Well, wasn't Grinch originally your idea or no?

• 19:25Speaker 01

  It was part of it, but I guess I thought it would be more of a face paint situation.

• 19:30Speaker 02

  Right.

• 19:30Speaker 01

  I didn't really fully understand what would be happening with Grinch. I'm operating in a way of like, what's the funniest? And then I'm not realizing that I've made my life hell.

• 19:39Speaker 02

  I will say, I think one of my favorite moments in my life was when I was on set and we didn't know exactly what time you were coming in. We knew you were coming directly in from your first ever HBO special and it was a very big moment for you. And you were coming to Pizza Movie just to grace us with your presence in the movie.

• 19:57Speaker 01

  I was very excited.

• 19:58Speaker 02

  And you FaceTimed us as the Grinch. With a diaper on.

• 20:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:04Speaker 02

  And full green face paint.

• 20:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:06Speaker 02

  Just what the fuck is going on? You didn't know you were gonna do that, right?

• 20:11Speaker 01

  It's really funny to think about how seriously I try to take this job. Do you know what I mean? Like, I thought about that character.

• 20:17Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 20:17Speaker 01

  And then it's like, you just sometimes have to step out and be like, we are, we are clowns.

• 20:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:23Speaker 01

  We are clowns, me in particular. I mean, you got to play like a-

• 20:25Speaker 02

  I mean, I was screaming at a butterfly.

• 20:26Speaker 01

  You were screaming at a butterfly for sure.

• 20:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:28Speaker 01

  That was voiced by Daniel Radcliffe.

• 20:29Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah, and Nick's note for me was, Lysander the Butterfly is your first worthy adversary.

• 20:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, I do love those guys.

• 20:43Speaker 02

  I love them.

• 20:44Speaker 01

  Nick and Brian, they're good boys.

• 20:45Speaker 02

  They're the greatest boys ever.

• 20:46Speaker 01

  They're good boys.

• 20:47Speaker 02

  They're wonderful boys.

• 20:48Speaker 01

  What's been, oh, what's been exciting you lately? What's been on your mind? What's life, what's life outside Pizza Movie?

• 20:52Speaker 02

  Aside from Pizza Movie and lactose intolerance?

• 20:55Speaker 01

  That I am worried about. I'm also, I have to say, actually, on that note, I am, was really concerned when you said that your lactose intolerance is coming up in therapy a lot.

• 21:06Speaker 01

  That, because I'm not in therapy, so maybe I'm like, maybe I don't understand really what goes on in there.

• 21:09Speaker 02

  Right.

• 21:10Speaker 01

  But I thought it was most supposed to be more like emotional stuff, but maybe it's the emotions of lactose intolerance.

• 21:14Speaker 02

  Right. Well, I have really bad OCD, so I think it's probably them being like, oh yeah, you're, you're fixating on the milk. And that's really not the problem.

• 21:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 21:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 21:23Speaker 02

  Which probably should have been evident to me earlier.

• 21:27Speaker 01

  Yeah. Do you talk about your OCD much?

• 21:29Speaker 02

  Um, a little bit. Not really.

• 21:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:32Speaker 02

  But yeah, I mean, it's the worst. It's horrible.

• 21:35Speaker 01

  Is it, does, do you fear, like, will talking about it trigger stuff? Like, do you, like, will it trigger spirals if you talk about it too much? Or do you feel like you can talk about it?

• 21:43Speaker 02

  No, I feel like I can talk about it. I, I, I think what it usually is for me is like, I get an idea in my head and then I can't stop thinking about it. And then I need to talk about it. So I guess basically what you just said.

• 21:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:57Speaker 02

  But, uh, yeah, it sucks.

• 21:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:59Speaker 02

  It sucks.

• 22:00Speaker 01

  When did you, how long have you been diagnosed with it?

• 22:02Speaker 02

  Well, I wasn't diagnosed till I was like late in high school, but in retrospect, it was like incredibly obvious. Like, this is so depressing, but when I was a little kid, I would come home, like, I would be in school and I'd be taking a test. And I was like, I was so worried about cheating on a test. And I remember I like looked over to the clock and I accidentally graced a kid's paper on the way. And I was like freaking the fuck out about it all day. And I came home to my mom crying and I was like, I didn't, I swear I didn't mean to look at the paper. I promised I didn't use it. Like, I just felt, I felt so horrible. So it's just that over and over again, but about different things. I'll probably do it about something I said about on the podcast in like 30 minutes.

• 22:39Speaker 01

  Well, if that's the case, then everyone on this podcast has OCD.

• 22:44Speaker 01

  Everyone who comes on this show must have OCD. Cause I will tell you that the text messages and emails that Chance and I get after, after every recording of this show, and we have never once let someone look bad.

• 22:56Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 22:56Speaker 01

  Uh, not on purpose. I mean, of course there's times that you think something's totally fine and then it turns out everyone hates it.

• 23:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:01Speaker 01

  Which happens to me constantly. But I really, it will be like, if we record someone and their episode's not coming out for three weeks, I would say Chance, Virginia and I, we're getting emails two, three in the morning, every couple of days.

• 23:15Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 23:16Speaker 01

  From most of our guests.

• 23:17Speaker 02

  Who's expecting a 3 a.m. email to be opened?

• 23:19Speaker 01

  No, they're just like, hey, uh, they're not, I don't think they're expecting like feedback in real time.

• 23:23Speaker 02

  Right.

• 23:23Speaker 01

  But that's when they're thinking about it.

• 23:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:25Speaker 01

  They're going like, they're going like, fuck, uh, I think, I think the, the thing I said about like, uh, it'll be the most, it'll be the most benign thing you've ever heard.

• 23:33Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 23:33Speaker 01

  It'll be like when I said I don't really like going to the grocery store alone. I just feel like, maybe, maybe the going to the grocery store alone community would be upset. Ju- ju- ju- just to be safe, can we cut it? I'm like, Jesus fucking Christ.

• 23:45Speaker 02

  I can't make fun of that person at all because it's completely me.

• 23:49Speaker 01

  I make fun of them. I mean, we always cut it, but I make fun of them while we do it.

• 23:52Speaker 02

  Well, yeah, and I also think I deserve to be made fun of for it.

• 23:56Speaker 01

  Wouldn't make fun of you for it.

• 23:57Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 23:57Speaker 01

  Not to your face, but probably because of the OCD stuff.

• 23:59Speaker 02

  Sure, sure.

• 24:00Speaker 01

  If I didn't know you had a diagnosis, I'd go ahead and go in on it.

• 24:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 24:03Speaker 01

  But yeah, the diagnosis would change things for me. That, yeah, that sounds really fucking annoying.

• 24:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, it sucks.

• 24:08Speaker 01

  I hate that for you.

• 24:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:10Speaker 01

  Is there like medication or is it like mostly just like therapy and talking?

• 24:14Speaker 02

  Yeah, so unfortunately, there's a very specific kind of therapy which supposedly fixes it and I still haven't done it.

• 24:18Speaker 01

  Jack. Why?

• 24:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:22Speaker 01

  Why? What's holding you back?

• 24:23Speaker 02

  Ah, scared of it.

• 24:26Speaker 01

  Scared? Uh, what's the fear? We also don't have to talk about that if you're like, I don't really want to go into it.

• 24:31Speaker 02

  Well, yeah, I mean, I feel like it probably just will be depressing to talk about.

• 24:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:35Speaker 02

  And not funny.

• 24:37Speaker 01

  Actually, my medical diagnoses are not a lot of fun for fodder.

• 24:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, I, therapy, I'm not in therapy. I consider it sometimes and then every time I'm just like, I don't know, I got a lot going on.

• 24:49Speaker 02

  I feel like you're also like the most well-adjusted person I've ever met, though.

• 24:52Speaker 01

  Thanks, dude.

• 24:53Speaker 02

  I really, I think if anyone doesn't need it, it's you.

• 24:56Speaker 01

  Well, you know, I'm taking matters into my own hands anyway. I'm on 75 Caleb.

• 25:03Speaker 02

  I'm so excited about 75 Caleb.

• 25:05Speaker 01

  Do you understand? I don't know if you fully grasp this. I'm a big fucking joke to everyone who works for me. I mean, these are people I've been nothing but good to.

• 25:12Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:13Speaker 01

  And I'm a big fucking joke to them.

• 25:15Speaker 02

  Well, yeah, Chance is just taking advantage of you all the time.

• 25:18Speaker 01

  I can't even really get into Chance and I's dynamic. The way that he, yeah, disrespects me and refuses to show gratitude.

• 25:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:27Speaker 01

  I mean, I took this guy from the gutter.

• 25:29Speaker 02

  I know.

• 25:29Speaker 01

  You understand what I'm saying? Dude, he had nothing.

• 25:31Speaker 02

  And that was last week.

• 25:32Speaker 01

  That was, yeah.

• 25:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:33Speaker 01

  I pulled this guy out of nothing and now he's riding in limousines.

• 25:37Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 25:38Speaker 01

  Living in a gorgeous luxury apartment in New York.

• 25:40Speaker 02

  A private jet.

• 25:41Speaker 01

  No fucking, private jets, women, drugs.

• 25:46Speaker 01

  Caviar, diamonds.

• 25:48Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:49Speaker 01

  No fucking respect at all I get from these people. It's crazy.

• 25:51Speaker 02

  I saw him make eye contact with you during the episode, which was crazy.

• 25:54Speaker 01

  Which he knows I don't like.

• 25:55Speaker 02

  Yeah. Yeah, it's been established.

• 25:58Speaker 01

  It's like, how hard is it?

• 25:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:00Speaker 01

  You know, fuck.

• 26:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, I don't really think that's hard at all.

• 26:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, thank you, Jack. That's because you're a good guy and I wish I had, I wish I had guys like you in my inner circle.

• 26:10Speaker 02

  I know.

• 26:10Speaker 01

  You know, we're just like internet, like, we're just friends for the public. We never hang out privately.

• 26:14Speaker 02

  Be able to see arrangement.

• 26:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's contractual and I just wish I had guys like you in my circle because these guys don't respect me. They're not nice to me. I asked them to do book club with me. They told me no.

• 26:23Speaker 02

  I know.

• 26:23Speaker 01

  I said, you guys want to do a book club, company book club? They said, they said, no, you're stupid, fat and ugly. I told them that 75 Caleb was changing my life and they, and Michelle texts back, it's day one, by the way.

• 26:38Speaker 01

  Someone, someone's life can't be changed in a day.

• 26:42Speaker 01

  It's just the, yeah, it never stops.

• 26:44Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, it's just unbelievably crossing a line.

• 26:46Speaker 01

  It never stops. What is the biggest, what is the biggest change you've ever made in your life? Like, what is the best, what is the best thing that you started doing that improved your life? Do you have one?

• 26:56Speaker 02

  Oh, my God, I don't know if I do.

• 26:59Speaker 01

  Come on, Jack.

• 27:00Speaker 02

  Do you have one?

• 27:01Speaker 01

  Well, I was gonna think while you were answering.

• 27:09Speaker 01

  Comedy royalty Kate McKinnon returns as Queen Mortuanna in Heads Will Roll: Era Parent, the highly anticipated sequel to Audible's fan favorite original comedy series. She's flanked once more by co-star Emily Lynn and a new star-centered ensemble, including Richard Kind, Lori Metcalf, Jimmy Fallon, Megan Mullally, Sam Richardson and Carrie Coon, plus an extensive cast of other comedy greats. Queen Mo is back on the throne in Era Parent and facing her greatest challenge yet. Produce an heir before the, before her 40th birthday or lose everything and spend eternity as keeper of the menstruary. Part medieval mayhem, part razor sharp social commentary.

• 27:50Speaker 01

  Heads Will Roll: Era Parent is fantasy comedy for the ages. It has everything. Trad wives.

• 27:59Speaker 01

  Polycules, Sasquatch mercenaries, milk people, toad on mole romance, a child named Barbara. Seriously, everything. Don't miss a moment of Kate McKinnon and a killer cast in Heads Will Roll: Air a Parent. Seed, seed a child or seed the throne. Listen to Heads Will Roll: Air a Parent, available now on Audible. Go to audible.com/headswillrollseries to start listening today. This episode is brought to you by booking.com. Picture this, you're sitting in the backseat of your office carpool in bumper to bumper traffic, wondering, how did I get here? At that moment, you open your phone to booking.com. The next thing you know, boom, you're shippin' on a cold drink on the balcony of your beachfront hotel in Malibu. The sun on your skin and not a care in the world. Again, you think to yourself, how did I get here?

• 28:44Speaker 01

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• 29:19Speaker 01

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• 30:51Speaker 01

  Honestly, probably no, no more. See, but maybe you didn't start out in the kind of place I started out in. To me, it was no more, uh, 2am DoorDash.

• 31:02Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 31:02Speaker 01

  No more 2am DoorDash changed everything for me.

• 31:04Speaker 02

  That's a change I need to make.

• 31:05Speaker 01

  I was ordering some of the most fucked up things you've ever heard of at 2 in the morning while stoned, so I could, I, you know, have like the superpower of a stone stomach where I can eat more of it.

• 31:15Speaker 02

  Of course.

• 31:16Speaker 01

  And just waking up feeling some of the most disastrous feelings you've ever felt in your life.

• 31:20Speaker 02

  Well, that's intensely relatable.

• 31:22Speaker 01

  Depression, anxiety, not to mention the physical literal stuff that was happening in my stomach. You know, like, yeah.

• 31:30Speaker 02

  Tough. Sort of like eating dim sum and having two large protein shakes.

• 31:34Speaker 01

  So, yeah. You did, you did let me know that you had a protein shake before and after dim sum last night.

• 31:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:40Speaker 01

  I'm wondering why.

• 31:41Speaker 02

  Just filling myself with milk. I.

• 31:48Speaker 02

  I can't explain it. I, I did come to dinner with a large CVS bag. It's unforgivable.

• 31:52Speaker 01

  That's what was in there?

• 31:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 31:54Speaker 01

  I didn't know that's what was in there. That's crazy.

• 31:58Speaker 02

  Yeah. And I don't really know what's in the drinks either, cause it's like, it's a yogurt brand that makes the drink and it's like the yogurt company makes milk now. And I'm just like really thrown off by all of it.

• 32:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, companies are doing everything these days.

• 32:07Speaker 02

  Yeah. Did you see the thing that one of the, the prego is making a device that records you in your home?

• 32:17Speaker 02

  This is a real thing.

• 32:18Speaker 01

  You're lying.

• 32:19Speaker 02

  I swear to God.

• 32:20Speaker 01

  You're making this up.

• 32:21Speaker 02

  I swear on my life.

• 32:22Speaker 01

  I'm gonna cry. Can you, can you Google prego home surveillance?

• 32:28Speaker 01

  I'm so pissed off and sad.

• 32:30Speaker 02

  No, we're amused.

• 32:31Speaker 01

  I, we're, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Do you want to tell people what you came, what you came up with?

• 32:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, I saw a TikTok that said your life will be so much better if instead of your default staying, being slightly annoyed, you're instead slightly amused.

• 32:44Speaker 01

  I will say, I think I do that.

• 32:46Speaker 02

  You do do that.

• 32:47Speaker 01

  I mostly am like trying to, do you know what's funny? I got way too high, uh, like two weeks ago, I think I told you this.

• 32:52Speaker 02

  Uh huh.

• 32:52Speaker 01

  And I was having a panic attack and I kept forcing myself to laugh. And my friend who I called over to take care of me during my panic attack was like, what's funny? And I was like, nothing, I'm trying to make it funny.

• 33:03Speaker 02

  I'm just picturing the monologue from the end of Pearl and just a smile on your face while tears are coming down.

• 33:07Speaker 01

  I haven't seen it. What kind of monologue is it?

• 33:09Speaker 02

  It's so good. It just, it just on Mia Goth for like eight minutes straight and she's just completely losing her mind. It's incredible.

• 33:14Speaker 01

  Really?

• 33:15Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:15Speaker 01

  I want something like that.

• 33:16Speaker 02

  I have a really embarrassing story related to that movie that I'll tell you when we're not on there.

• 33:20Speaker 01

  Prego has a dinner conversation recording device.

• 33:24Speaker 01

  Capisce? What the fuck? The pasta sauce company has partnered with the nonprofit StoryCorps. On a device designed to record family conversations around the table and save them for all time.

• 33:43Speaker 02

  For all time?

• 33:44Speaker 01

  For all time is nuts. Prego, no.

• 33:49Speaker 02

  Why did they have to add for all time?

• 33:51Speaker 01

  Why is StoryCorps entering the chat?

• 33:53Speaker 02

  By the way, there's nothing you can do to ever delete it.

• 33:55Speaker 01

  It's recorded, it's recorded for all time. That makes me fucking ill.

• 34:02Speaker 02

  Who do you think at the, at the pasta sauce company said we need to make this?

• 34:07Speaker 01

  You know, I almost bet it was StoryCorps.

• 34:10Speaker 01

  I almost bet it was StoryCorps.

• 34:13Speaker 01

  Does that sound crazy to say that I think StoryCorps cooked this up?

• 34:15Speaker 02

  Oh, they got a bundle. You get free sauce.

• 34:17Speaker 01

  It says easy for kids and adults. So also, okay, this is fantastic. It says screen free by design. As if that's fucking doing something.

• 34:26Speaker 02

  Well, that was the hurdle to me getting it.

• 34:28Speaker 01

  Family controlled privacy. Rechargeable via USB C.

• 34:33Speaker 02

  Oh, it's built to last.

• 34:34Speaker 01

  It's built to last. It says durable design that withstands the chaos of family dinners.

• 34:38Speaker 02

  You cannot destroy it.

• 34:40Speaker 01

  What the fuck is going on at spaghetti night? This thing needs to be titanium.

• 34:44Speaker 02

  Don't worry, it's the indestructible crucible.

• 34:46Speaker 01

  Yeah. Don't worry. It's a device that never turns off, saves everything you say and can't be destroyed.

• 34:53Speaker 01

  Oh, sounds good.

• 34:54Speaker 02

  Why is it written in riddles?

• 34:56Speaker 01

  Yeah. It's fucking, it's, this, it's the Terminator.

• 35:01Speaker 01

  I, take it away, Chance, I'm upset.

• 35:02Speaker 02

  It listens to you always, but it can never be destroyed.

• 35:06Speaker 01

  What is going on?

• 35:07Speaker 02

  It knows your family, but you can never know it.

• 35:09Speaker 01

  I feel crazy. I feel crazy all the time. This is the kind of shit you see every day now.

• 35:15Speaker 02

  I'm amused.

• 35:16Speaker 01

  I feel amused.

• 35:16Speaker 02

  I feel amused.

• 35:17Speaker 01

  I don't know, sometimes I can't get to amusement and the tech stuff is really getting out of control.

• 35:21Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, that's so tough.

• 35:22Speaker 01

  I really, yeah, I have some pretty, I have some pretty severe ideas about what we need to do.

• 35:28Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 35:28Speaker 01

  But I can't say them on air.

• 35:30Speaker 02

  They are amusing to me as well.

• 35:31Speaker 01

  I'm amused.

• 35:32Speaker 02

  Cause I've heard them and they do amuse me.

• 35:36Speaker 01

  I can't believe you don't have a life thing that has changed your life.

• 35:40Speaker 02

  Uh, well, I stopped drinking like five years ago.

• 35:42Speaker 01

  Did you?

• 35:43Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:44Speaker 01

  I didn't know that.

• 35:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 35:45Speaker 01

  I've been putting alcohol in your drinks.

• 35:49Speaker 02

  Well, I don't count those times.

• 35:50Speaker 01

  Wait, did you have a problem or no?

• 35:52Speaker 02

  I don't think so.

• 35:54Speaker 01

  Well, it's always interesting. People sometimes just get sober to be like, oh, I just kind of want to. And then people, there's the version of getting sober where it's like, you hurt some people.

• 36:01Speaker 02

  I did just sort of wake up one day and I was like, I really don't want to do this anymore.

• 36:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:05Speaker 02

  I was just not having fun at all anymore.

• 36:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:07Speaker 02

  And I, and I do feel like, I feel good about that decision. I feel like that was a very valid decision.

• 36:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:14Speaker 02

  Because now if I go to any bar or party or music festival, no one's dancing, no one's seeming to enjoy themselves. Everyone's sort of staring at each other, maybe filming each other.

• 36:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:23Speaker 02

  Very weird, horrible energy. That might just be Los Angeles, I don't know.

• 36:27Speaker 01

  I'm not here to talk about stuff like that. I'm not here to make guesses about those kinds of things.

• 36:33Speaker 01

  No, I, yeah, I've never been into drinking either. I really love, uh, recovered alcoholics. They're some of my favorite people on earth.

• 36:39Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 36:40Speaker 01

  Because they are, uh, they're people that lived like really hard, intense lives. And then got super spiritual, like pretty much overnight.

• 36:50Speaker 02

  Right.

• 36:50Speaker 01

  And they're a lot of fucking fun to talk to.

• 36:52Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:52Speaker 01

  Like, straight up, I, I'm, I'm enthralled by recovered alcoholics.

• 36:56Speaker 02

  Come on, The Power of Now?

• 36:57Speaker 01

  I love The Power of Now, I love The 12 Steps, I love making amends with everyone you've ever wronged. I think that's deeply fucking cool.

• 37:04Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:04Speaker 01

  I love it.

• 37:05Speaker 02

  Yeah?

• 37:05Speaker 01

  I love, I also think it's kind of, and I don't know if this is like fucked up to say, and so I just, alcoholic community let me know. I think it's deeply chic to be like, I gotta get to a meeting.

• 37:16Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:16Speaker 01

  That's cool as fuck.

• 37:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:18Speaker 01

  I want that.

• 37:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:19Speaker 01

  I don't want to be an alcoholic. I'm not. I know it's really serious. I'm just saying like being, being anywhere in the world and being like, I'm gonna find a meeting. It's like, it feels like-

• 37:26Speaker 02

  Effectively cool.

• 37:26Speaker 01

  Spy shit.

• 37:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:28Speaker 01

  It's really cool. If you're struggling with alcohol, get, get sober now. It's fucking awesome.

• 37:31Speaker 02

  Go spy mode.

• 37:32Speaker 01

  Go spy mode.

• 37:33Speaker 02

  Go spy mode.

• 37:33Speaker 01

  Go to meetings in a city you've never been to before.

• 37:35Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 37:36Speaker 01

  I think that's cool as fuck.

• 37:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:37Speaker 01

  I kinda want a problem.

• 37:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:40Speaker 01

  You know, not a drinking problem.

• 37:40Speaker 02

  What problem would you like to have?

• 37:42Speaker 01

  I've really thought about getting like a public coke problem.

• 37:47Speaker 01

  I think that would be deeply chic for me.

• 37:48Speaker 02

  Can you give me an example of like the video that leaks of you doing coke?

• 37:52Speaker 01

  Wouldn't be leaked. It would just be stuff I'm posting myself probably like. I wanna get really, I wanna like, I wanna spiral in public.

• 37:59Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 38:00Speaker 01

  I think it's the next step for me.

• 38:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:02Speaker 01

  I'm such a good guy.

• 38:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's like your bad boy arc.

• 38:05Speaker 01

  I almost said good boy, but that has a sexual implication. But I'm just-

• 38:09Speaker 02

  You're such a good boy.

• 38:10Speaker 01

  I do wanna be, I'm such a good boy. I do want a bad boy arc. I want to be like, I wanna show up, I wanna show up to a late night appearance and be fucking rude to the host.

• 38:19Speaker 02

  Do you think you're dropping an EP in this arc?

• 38:20Speaker 01

  Yo, for sure.

• 38:21Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 38:22Speaker 01

  I wanna show, I wanna show up to set three hours late and then be like, Caleb, you can't do this. And I'll be like, I'm a fucking star. Caleb, you can't do this. Caleb, you can't do this. Well, I did, bitch. And it's Martin Scorsese.

• 38:35Speaker 01

  I want that.

• 38:36Speaker 02

  I've heard your pop punk voice too. I think your EP would go crazy.

• 38:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:40Speaker 02

  Could you, do you mind?

• 38:42Speaker 01

  Um, give me a song. Um- That I know.

• 38:45Speaker 02

  What's, what, I chime in.

• 38:47Speaker 01

  I chime in with the, haven't you people ever heard of? Do you know how I like to do? I like to send my musician friends voice notes of me covering their songs in pop punk voice. Like I'll just voice note Waxahatchee in the middle of the day and be like, in the lilacs, drink the water. I like that.

• 39:04Speaker 02

  Aren't you friends with Boy Genius? Cause their songs would go crazy with that voice.

• 39:07Speaker 01

  I would love to send them-

• 39:08Speaker 02

  Motion sickness? I know that's Phoebe, but-

• 39:10Speaker 01

  Dude, let's fucking go.

• 39:11Speaker 02

  Come on.

• 39:12Speaker 01

  I have emotional motion sickness.

• 39:16Speaker 02

  That plays so well.

• 39:19Speaker 01

  Day up in Kyoto.

• 39:23Speaker 01

  I'll call, I'll call Phoebe right now.

• 39:25Speaker 02

  Oh my god. I did have a year of motion sickness in my Spotify top five and your pop punk remix would be my number one and I can say that with confidence.

• 39:32Speaker 01

  Look, everyone has to go through a Phoebe boy genius, uh, depression era.

• 39:38Speaker 02

  I had to stop listening to Phoebe because it was ruining my life.

• 39:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:41Speaker 02

  I was getting too sad. I'm not joking.

• 39:42Speaker 01

  Straight up. It's a really, really tough thing that she's done.

• 39:45Speaker 02

  It was making me cry in the car and I was like, I can't listen to this anymore.

• 39:48Speaker 01

  I was just crying to Kevin Morby's new album the other day and with my friend, we turned to each other and said, he can't keep getting away with this.

• 39:55Speaker 01

  So he has a lyric, he has a lyric on his new album that says, "May all sinners be forgiven by Jesus Christ because it sure would be nice to see all my friends again." So, don't fucking, yeah! It's fucked up. Don't write shit like that. Are you fucking nuts?

• 40:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's insane.

• 40:09Speaker 01

  And then to record it and put it out?

• 40:11Speaker 02

  Oh my god.

• 40:12Speaker 01

  Go to jail, bitch.

• 40:12Speaker 02

  Oh my god.

• 40:13Speaker 01

  That's crazy.

• 40:14Speaker 02

  That is crazy.

• 40:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, I sob, I weep, I weep, I weep.

• 40:16Speaker 02

  I love, I love music. I love sad music, like music that makes-

• 40:21Speaker 01

  I love music, I love sad.

• 40:22Speaker 02

  I love music, I love sad. We even both together.

• 40:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, do them together, I'm there.

• 40:27Speaker 02

  I did, uh, you won't believe this.

• 40:29Speaker 01

  I bet I will.

• 40:30Speaker 02

  I did Iris at karaoke the other day.

• 40:32Speaker 01

  Whoa.

• 40:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 40:34Speaker 01

  Where and with who?

• 40:35Speaker 02

  Uh, with my castmates at a bar in the Lower East Side in a room, in a little, one of those rooms.

• 40:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:42Speaker 02

  And it was emotional.

• 40:43Speaker 01

  Yeah?

• 40:43Speaker 02

  Yeah, hearts were touched.

• 40:44Speaker 01

  Fuck.

• 40:45Speaker 02

  I know.

• 40:46Speaker 01

  I literally wish I was there.

• 40:47Speaker 02

  Yeah, I did, I did that. Uh, we did Lips of an Angel, we did Creep. Uh, yeah. Am I losing you?

• 40:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, it started to get- It started, it's like one, like, pretty sad song felt like funny, but three is like, what kind of night were y'all having? Now I'm a little bit like, what's going on with the crew?

• 41:06Speaker 02

  Uh, we also did Year 3000.

• 41:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, I've been to the Year 3000. That's a fucking great song. That's a fucking great song.

• 41:14Speaker 02

  It is, it's amazing.

• 41:15Speaker 01

  I've been big on Don't Forget About Me by Mariah Carey.

• 41:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:18Speaker 01

  Ooh.

• 41:19Speaker 02

  Ooh.

• 41:19Speaker 01

  Mariah. I love her.

• 41:21Speaker 02

  What are your karaoke go-tos?

• 41:23Speaker 01

  Walkie by Britney Spears.

• 41:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:25Speaker 01

  Um, uh, oh, what's that Panic at the Disco song I always do, Chance?

• 41:30Speaker 02

  I write sins not tragedies.

• 41:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, I write sins not tragedies.

• 41:32Speaker 02

  Oh my god.

• 41:33Speaker 01

  I legitimately do that at karaoke a lot.

• 41:35Speaker 02

  I would genuinely buy tickets to see you do that.

• 41:38Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, Trash Mountain Rap Party, I went fucking bananas on the karaoke. I went fucking bananas on the karaoke. I was up there dude. Michelle and Chance can verify, they were there. I went, what I did, um, I went really big on, um, uh, Any Man of Mine by Shania Twain. Now that'll bring the fucking house down.

• 41:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 41:59Speaker 01

  People, people sleep on Any Man of Mine.

• 42:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:01Speaker 01

  Cause man, I feel like a woman's right there.

• 42:02Speaker 02

  It's right there.

• 42:03Speaker 01

  Any Man of Mine.

• 42:04Speaker 02

  I pull out man, I feel like a woman.

• 42:06Speaker 01

  Who's bed have your boots been under?

• 42:07Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 42:08Speaker 01

  I'll pull those out, I'm stomping, I'm clapping.

• 42:10Speaker 02

  Yup.

• 42:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, I love to do that, but you gotta understand the room.

• 42:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, there's some rooms where you can't stomp and clap.

• 42:16Speaker 01

  I looked around before one of my karaoke submissions at the Trash Mountain Rap Party and I said, "The girls have all stepped outside to smoke cigarettes, which they're doing again." Girls are smoking cigarettes again.

• 42:25Speaker 02

  Yup.

• 42:25Speaker 01

  Um, which is really, really concerning.

• 42:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:28Speaker 01

  And it's mostly boys in the room, and I said, "It's time for a pop punk song." You gotta, you gotta understand, is it boys, is it girls, is it gay people, straight people? You gotta understand what you're working with.

• 42:36Speaker 02

  You felt my presence.

• 42:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, I felt you there.

• 42:38Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:38Speaker 01

  I felt you there.

• 42:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:39Speaker 01

  You were not there.

• 42:40Speaker 02

  Right.

• 42:40Speaker 01

  But I felt you there.

• 42:41Speaker 02

  But I was whispering in, I was, I was over your shoulder like Kronk.

• 42:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, in some ways.

• 42:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, I had no set crushes on that movie. So it was a really fun time for me to just let loose and be myself.

• 42:50Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 42:51Speaker 01

  If I had a set crush, I'd have to behave completely differently.

• 42:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, but I feel like that would also work really well with the set crush, no?

• 42:57Speaker 01

  Be myself?

• 42:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 42:58Speaker 01

  Well, it just depends, you know? There's something about, there's something about letting loose on a night where you have zero intention of getting laid.

• 43:09Speaker 02

  Right.

• 43:09Speaker 01

  Do you know what I mean?

• 43:09Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:10Speaker 01

  Where it's just like, I'm always myself, but when I'm out on a night where I have zero intention of getting laid, I'm like, "Yeah, I can sweat quite a bit during I Write Sins Not Tragedies."

• 43:19Speaker 02

  Yeah, of course.

• 43:19Speaker 01

  I can afford to flop around the stage.

• 43:20Speaker 02

  That's sort of me always, so I guess that's why I'm doing Iris and etc.

• 43:24Speaker 01

  See, when I think I'm getting laid, I'm acting different. When I think I'm getting laid, I'm kind of in the corner like,

• 43:32Speaker 02

  Type shit.

• 43:33Speaker 01

  I'm just like, type shit. I'm being like a little cuter with it, you know?

• 43:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, you're nonchalant with it.

• 43:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, you have to be a little nonchalant.

• 43:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:41Speaker 01

  On the night you think you're getting laid.

• 43:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 43:43Speaker 01

  You're in a relationship, this stuff doesn't even occur to you.

• 43:44Speaker 02

  It doesn't apply.

• 43:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:46Speaker 02

  Can I see your nonchalant look?

• 43:48Speaker 01

  Nonchalant look?

• 43:49Speaker 02

  Yeah, like-

• 43:49Speaker 01

  Give me a context.

• 43:51Speaker 02

  You're at the bar, set crush just walked in, you're posted up, few people around you like trying to start a conversation with you.

• 43:58Speaker 01

  Okay, this is, I'm just gonna, this is what my, my nonchalant look like, I'm just cool, cause I know my crush will be watching.

• 44:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, I'm the one walking in.

• 44:03Speaker 01

  Okay, okay, okay.

• 44:03Speaker 02

  Oh, hey guys. Hey, hey, good to see you. You know where Caleb is?

• 44:14Speaker 01

  I just get a really dirty look. It would work sometimes, it just depends on who he is.

• 44:20Speaker 02

  I will say the-

• 44:20Speaker 01

  Or she.

• 44:21Speaker 02

  The message I was receiving was, was fear.

• 44:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:24Speaker 01

  Oh, you thought I was scared?

• 44:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:27Speaker 01

  Interesting. Everything's kind of falling into place now.

• 44:29Speaker 02

  It looked like, oh, fuck.

• 44:30Speaker 01

  He's here.

• 44:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:33Speaker 01

  Do you know, it depends on how much the crush has developed.

• 44:36Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 44:37Speaker 01

  Cause there's a, when you know, the really nice, oh, god. I love a crush. When you know someone's into it, when you know you're both into it, and you get to be so brazen.

• 44:47Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 44:47Speaker 01

  Do you know? Like, when you have a, an unspoken crush, but the vibe has been so clear that you're both crushing.

• 44:52Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 44:52Speaker 01

  And you can just be like, hey, don't flirt with me tonight, I've got other stuff going on.

• 44:55Speaker 02

  I mean, that's amazing.

• 44:56Speaker 01

  You know what I mean?

• 44:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:57Speaker 01

  That shit's fun.

• 44:58Speaker 02

  That was a crazy line.

• 44:59Speaker 01

  That shit's, oh, that works.

• 45:00Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, you don't have to worry about this stuff, you're married, but. You know, some of us are still out here.

• 45:06Speaker 02

  I have no doubt that that works.

• 45:07Speaker 01

  It's a lot of fun, telling people they're not allowed to flirt with you. I like to tell guys they're not allowed to fall in love with me.

• 45:13Speaker 01

  On a first date, I literally, on a, I literally on a first date two weeks ago said, we were like, having a good time and like, you know, joking around. And I go, hey, I can, I can just already feel you're kind of starting to catch feelings and I'm no good.

• 45:26Speaker 02

  I feel like that only works because you're saying it. Like, I feel like that's a line that I've had to say in a self-tape about seventy-five times. And it, and it's, it's not sounding quite the same.

• 45:33Speaker 01

  You gotta say it ironically, you gotta say it like you're in, you gotta say it's real life, but you gotta say it like you're in the self-tape.

• 45:38Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 45:39Speaker 01

  Also, just to be a hundred percent clear, you and I have different circumstances.

• 45:44Speaker 01

  I have to have an arsenal of little lies. You, you have a sort of a beautiful wife. Your situation is already handled. I'm out here-

• 45:54Speaker 02

  You're not wrong.

• 45:54Speaker 01

  I'm like a traveling salesman, I'm going town to town, ringing a bell. Does anybody want me?

• 46:01Speaker 01

  It's really tough. It's really, really tough.

• 46:04Speaker 02

  I mean, that would, that would, I feel like that would work if you did that in a literal way.

• 46:08Speaker 01

  Ring a bell?

• 46:08Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:08Speaker 01

  And say, who wants me? Yeah, I would attract, I know who it would attract.

• 46:13Speaker 02

  Right.

• 46:13Speaker 01

  It would attract all the, like, yeah, there's, there's a, there's a crew of, there's a crew of types of guys that are into me that, um...

• 46:19Speaker 02

  Would respond to the bell.

• 46:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, they would respond to anything. I mean, it's really, you know, it's always, it's always, um, the interesting thing about attraction is it's always... You always want someone and someone always wants you, and it's rare that all those things are aligned.

• 46:32Speaker 02

  Right.

• 46:32Speaker 01

  Do you know what I mean?

• 46:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:34Speaker 01

  There are a lot of 60-year-old game in, in Southern Missouri that don't fucking play about me on Grindr. There are a lot of 60-year-old game in, in Southern Missouri that would drop everything for me.

• 46:43Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 46:43Speaker 01

  Unfortunately, I see them as more grandfather figures.

• 46:48Speaker 01

  And so that's my cross to bear. If I was into old guys, it'd be beautiful. I would have owned a home when I was like 20.

• 46:54Speaker 02

  In that other universe that you're not in.

• 46:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm into old guys. Just into guys my age-ish and not into women, which would also be beautiful. God, being into women, I think of it all the time, how lovely it would be.

• 47:05Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 47:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:07Speaker 02

  Well, you're going back home soon. Do you think you'll run into some of these grandfathers or do you have a strategy to avoid?

• 47:12Speaker 01

  No, no, they'll hit me up.

• 47:14Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 47:14Speaker 01

  They'll hit me up. You know, there was one guy, I don't know if I told this on the podcast or not before yet, stop me if I have. The guy, there was a guy in my neighborhood who messaged me every single day on Grindr for three weeks. Did I say this on here?

• 47:25Speaker 02

  I don't think you've said it on the podcast.

• 47:27Speaker 01

  He said, he said, hello, hello, every day, hello.

• 47:29Speaker 02

  Just hello?

• 47:30Speaker 01

  Every day, hello, for three weeks.

• 47:32Speaker 02

  Like he's answering the phone?

• 47:33Speaker 01

  Three weeks, three weeks straight, hello, hello. Okay, then something crazy happened. On like the 26th day, hola.

• 47:48Speaker 02

  He said, I'm gonna switch it up.

• 47:50Speaker 01

  And I, and then he never messaged me again. And I think, I think every single day about what happened.

• 47:58Speaker 02

  He said, I got one more tactic.

• 47:59Speaker 01

  I think, my, I've thought about many different ideas of what he thinks happened, but my favorite is that he woke up on the, the 26th day and he was like, he's Mexican.

• 48:11Speaker 01

  Like he was like, oh, that's why it's not breaking through. This guy's Mexican. I just love thinking that that's what happened.

• 48:18Speaker 02

  I wish, I wish you like, let it work. And you were like, hola.

• 48:23Speaker 01

  You know, hola, I mean, really. Shout out.

• 48:27Speaker 02

  Que tal?

• 48:28Speaker 01

  Que tal in many, many ways. Que tal señor?

• 48:33Speaker 01

  You know, I can't, um, I can't, but I do, I did, I did message with an older guy who lived in my building for a little bit. Cause we saw each other in the building all the time and ignoring him felt so mean.

• 48:43Speaker 02

  Right.

• 48:44Speaker 01

  But I knew he wanted to sleep with me and I just wanted to know about his life. And then the more I tried to get to know him, the more it was like, the, the sexual overtures continued.

• 48:52Speaker 02

  Right.

• 48:52Speaker 01

  So I had to end that friendship, but I do wanna be friends with older gamers so bad.

• 48:56Speaker 02

  Is Spanish coming up more often? Because I'm noticing that the Spanish is in 75 Caleb.

• 49:01Speaker 01

  Spanish, so part of 75 Caleb, as everyone knows, is that I do my Spanish lesson every day. And it's embarrassing to talk about with Jack, cause he's fluent. And yeah, I wanna know Spanish. It's not part of, uh, my love life necessarily, but I would love for it to be.

• 49:17Speaker 02

  Ooh.

• 49:18Speaker 01

  You know?

• 49:18Speaker 02

  That was, that was a bar.

• 49:19Speaker 01

  I find it's.

• 49:20Speaker 02

  That was beautiful.

• 49:22Speaker 01

  That was beautiful poetry. Are you reading poetry?

• 49:25Speaker 02

  What?

• 49:25Speaker 01

  Are you ever reading poetry?

• 49:26Speaker 02

  Not, not often.

• 49:28Speaker 01

  It's hard to do, but I found some, I was in, when I was in Portugal, I found this poet, Portuguese poet.

• 49:32Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 49:33Speaker 01

  Um, and I started reading his stuff. It was really fun. I kinda, I was like, I like poetry.

• 49:37Speaker 02

  That sounds incredible.

• 49:38Speaker 01

  It was great.

• 49:39Speaker 02

  I think I don't know where to look.

• 49:40Speaker 01

  I didn't either. I had to go to this bookstore and I had to tell a woman, give me a book.

• 49:43Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 49:44Speaker 01

  And she picked this for me.

• 49:45Speaker 02

  And that's poetry.

• 49:46Speaker 01

  That is poetry.

• 49:47Speaker 02

  That is.

• 49:48Speaker 01

  I'm, consider myself a bit of a poet.

• 49:50Speaker 02

  A million percent.

• 49:51Speaker 01

  Yeah?

• 49:51Speaker 02

  I thought of you as a poet forever.

• 49:52Speaker 01

  You ever writing earnest, uh, notes in your phone?

• 49:55Speaker 02

  All the time.

• 49:56Speaker 01

  Yeah?

• 49:56Speaker 02

  All the time.

• 49:56Speaker 01

  Poetry song lyrics? Be honest.

• 49:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 49:59Speaker 01

  Yeah?

• 49:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:00Speaker 01

  Would you ever show me any?

• 50:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:02Speaker 01

  You would?

• 50:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:03Speaker 01

  Really?

• 50:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 50:04Speaker 01

  Jack? I would never show you mine. I would be so scared to show you mine.

• 50:09Speaker 02

  Why? What would I say?

• 50:10Speaker 01

  My earnestness is a secret.

• 50:13Speaker 02

  It's not.

• 50:14Speaker 01

  What?

• 50:23Speaker 01

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• 54:02Speaker 01

  What else is going on, brother? What is so true to you right now?

• 54:04Speaker 02

  Um, I know we already discussed it, so we're sort of revisiting it. But my so true really is, if you're a good singer, you shouldn't be doing karaoke.

• 54:11Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 54:12Speaker 02

  I really believe that.

• 54:13Speaker 01

  Wow. They're not allowed to do it at all?

• 54:15Speaker 02

  You can do it. You have to dumb it down for everyone else.

• 54:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:19Speaker 02

  You have to come down to our level.

• 54:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:21Speaker 02

  Intentionally sing a little bit badly. I know you know how to do it.

• 54:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:24Speaker 02

  Don't give us the full voice. You know, you go out of your range, be a little bad for us.

• 54:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:29Speaker 02

  Scream a little bit, lose your voice.

• 54:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:32Speaker 02

  You can't, you can't be seeming like you're about to get an agent at the karaoke bar.

• 54:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:37Speaker 02

  That is just, it's just upsetting.

• 54:39Speaker 01

  Can I say I almost disagree?

• 54:41Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 54:41Speaker 01

  Not because I, I, I, I want to agree so badly, but then I think of the people I know who need that so badly.

• 54:48Speaker 02

  Right.

• 54:48Speaker 01

  It's all they have.

• 54:49Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 54:50Speaker 01

  It's like going and killing at karaoke is all they have. And then I go, damn, maybe we just let them have it.

• 54:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 54:56Speaker 01

  You know, kind of like when you give a dog a cheeseburger the day you're gonna kill it.

• 55:00Speaker 01

  Do you know what I'm saying? Like when your dogs, obviously that was more fucked up than I realized. It's like on the day that your dog gets euthanized, you let him have McDonald's. Or a different fast food cheeseburger.

• 55:16Speaker 01

  It's kinda like that with people. It's like if you're a professional singer, yeah.

• 55:20Speaker 02

  It's exactly like that.

• 55:21Speaker 01

  But if you're a civilian and this is all you got, let them body a musical theater tune. If they're never gonna step foot on Broadway.

• 55:30Speaker 02

  I agree.

• 55:31Speaker 01

  I think it could just be beautiful.

• 55:32Speaker 02

  You swayed me.

• 55:33Speaker 01

  No, no, I want your so true to stand. I do think, I will say, there are some famous musicians I know that go do karaoke full out. And I go, come on, man.

• 55:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 55:42Speaker 01

  You have literal shows for this where this happens.

• 55:44Speaker 02

  Right.

• 55:45Speaker 01

  Don't do this.

• 55:46Speaker 02

  Well, it's like, and I feel like the beauty of it, I feel like most people have my experience, which is I'm a bad singer. And then I try my best to sing well at karaoke. And that is the exact sound you're wanting.

• 55:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:57Speaker 02

  Someone who can't do it, trying their best to do it.

• 55:59Speaker 01

  Are you a bad singer or are you being a little humble?

• 56:01Speaker 02

  I think I'm a bad singer.

• 56:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:02Speaker 02

  Earnestly.

• 56:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:03Speaker 02

  But you saw me sing in Pizza Movie, so it's actually up to you.

• 56:05Speaker 01

  Uh, that was bad.

• 56:07Speaker 02

  I'm fishing for this.

• 56:10Speaker 01

  I didn't like that.

• 56:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, it was terrible.

• 56:12Speaker 01

  I didn't like filming that scene, actually, because it took forever.

• 56:16Speaker 01

  I was like, I was like, oh, Jack's doing such a good job, but I wish it was over. It was really long, that singing scene, because in the movie, it's like they get like animations and shit.

• 56:25Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 56:25Speaker 01

  In the filming of it, we're just like.

• 56:27Speaker 02

  Yeah, you guys all had to sit there while I sang the same few lines over and over.

• 56:31Speaker 01

  Really, listening to it? No, it was beautiful. It was beautiful in that it was so, not sounding.

• 56:36Speaker 02

  Right.

• 56:36Speaker 01

  But it was beautiful in that you did it so perfectly for the character.

• 56:39Speaker 02

  The earnestness.

• 56:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:41Speaker 02

  If you will.

• 56:41Speaker 01

  But that's not your best singing.

• 56:43Speaker 02

  Um, I don't know. I think it was the first time in my life I've sang in front of people, which is crazy.

• 56:47Speaker 01

  Really? I didn't think it was comically bad, Jack.

• 56:51Speaker 02

  Hey.

• 56:51Speaker 01

  So I gotta tell you, you might be wrong about your singing abilities. Maybe, I mean, I wanna, I guess now we need to go to karaoke.

• 56:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 56:57Speaker 01

  And I need you to do your best.

• 56:58Speaker 02

  I have been begging you to go to karaoke with me for a really long time.

• 57:00Speaker 01

  You have never asked me once.

• 57:02Speaker 02

  That's, that's actually not the truth, Ellen.

• 57:08Speaker 01

  When did you ask me to go to karaoke?

• 57:11Speaker 02

  Listen, if I have to pull up the texts, I'll pull up the texts. I've been, I've been dying for karaoke with my boy.

• 57:16Speaker 01

  I'm tempted to let you. You've asked me to go to a lot of Creed concerts.

• 57:20Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's true.

• 57:21Speaker 01

  That's come up a lot.

• 57:21Speaker 02

  But I learned last night that, that I really didn't understand anything about Creed.

• 57:26Speaker 01

  So.

• 57:28Speaker 01

  So I want to tell you guys, last night, Jack and I are walking through Chinatown. And I don't know how it comes up, Jack's sort of always bringing up Creed. But it comes up, and I don't know, you said something about like, it came up that, basically, I was like, oh yeah, Creed's a Christian band. And Jack was like, no, they're not. And I was like, Jack, they're one of the most Christian bands that has ever done music.

• 57:53Speaker 02

  I was floored.

• 57:53Speaker 01

  And then you're, and then Jack just walking through Chinatown was like, I can take you higher. Like, like, like putting together all of the Christian Creed lyrics. It was really funny.

• 58:05Speaker 02

  Zach Galifianakis gift, just putting the numbers.

• 58:08Speaker 01

  To a place where blind men see. Really funny.

• 58:12Speaker 02

  My genuine entire exposure to Creed was when it was like a meme on TikTok, and they were just playing like a few words of that one song, and I was like, oh, that's funny.

• 58:19Speaker 01

  Was that your first exposure? Oh, see, I grew up white trash. I grew up white trash in Missouri, so I actually kind of was dyed in the wool.

• 58:28Speaker 02

  I'm not gonna pretend I'm above this when I say my first concert was Daughtry.

• 58:33Speaker 01

  I fucking love Daughtry.

• 58:35Speaker 02

  Awesome.

• 58:35Speaker 01

  I, to this day, love Daughtry.

• 58:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, I, I really, really badly wanted him to win American Idol.

• 58:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:42Speaker 02

  And I had the American Idol GameCube game where you sing along.

• 58:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:45Speaker 02

  And I would pretend to be Daughtry, and I would try to, try to win on his, his, like, heavy divorced dad rock music.

• 58:51Speaker 01

  Yeah. Who won that, the year that he didn't win?

• 58:53Speaker 02

  I don't remember.

• 58:54Speaker 01

  Do you remember?

• 58:54Speaker 02

  I think I blocked it out. It was really upsetting.

• 58:56Speaker 01

  Yeah. Trauma for you.

• 58:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, genuinely.

• 58:58Speaker 01

  I love Daughtry. I love, and also, people love to clown on white guys making music like that. It's a lot better that we have them doing that. It's a lot better that we have them doing that.

• 59:08Speaker 02

  That's what we need to have, have them doing, including myself.

• 59:10Speaker 01

  Every one of those kind of white guys should be in the studio screaming into the mic.

• 59:14Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 59:15Speaker 01

  Don't let them out in public doing their other stuff.

• 59:17Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's an outlet.

• 59:18Speaker 01

  It's an outlet.

• 59:19Speaker 02

  It's like a rage room for their voice.

• 59:20Speaker 01

  Yes, let them have it, and let us listen. I like listening. I like puddle of mud. I like all that stuff. Chance, who won the year Chris Daughtry lost?

• 59:27Speaker 02

  Taylor Hicks. Unreal. Don't say that. Don't say that name around me.

• 59:35Speaker 01

  Fucking cut that.

• 59:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, cut. Yeah, I actually, I can't have that out there.

• 59:38Speaker 01

  Damn, I love knowing this about you. Where'd you see Dotree live?

• 59:41Speaker 02

  So, it was in Maryland, at the Merriweather Post Pavilion, if you will.

• 59:46Speaker 01

  I don't know it. And I've always.

• 59:49Speaker 02

  And he was opening for Nickelback.

• 59:51Speaker 01

  That sounds awesome.

• 59:52Speaker 02

  And as soon as Nickelback came on, we went home.

• 59:55Speaker 01

  What?

• 59:56Speaker 02

  Yeah, we, yeah, we were there for Dotree, and I really wanted to see Dotree, and then he got off the stage, and I was like, okay. I think that's that bad enough.

• 1:00:04Speaker 01

  Jack!

• 1:00:05Speaker 02

  It's time to call it a night.

• 1:00:06Speaker 01

  You didn't stay for Nickelback?

• 1:00:07Speaker 02

  Well, I was also like 10, and I was like getting pretty scared.

• 1:00:16Speaker 01

  What was scaring you? Just the noise?

• 1:00:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, the, yeah, it was getting dark, and there was a lot of people.

• 1:00:25Speaker 01

  It was getting dark, I made my parents take me home.

• 1:00:29Speaker 02

  See, guys, I gotta get out of here.

• 1:00:31Speaker 01

  Your parents are secretly like, fucking, two kids, fucking kids free to the dark, we don't get to see Nickelback.

• 1:00:38Speaker 02

  That was your picture, but whatever.

• 1:00:39Speaker 01

  Not your parents vibe at all. Really funny to imagine your parents being.

• 1:00:43Speaker 02

  Imagine my parents out of Nickelback.

• 1:00:44Speaker 01

  Bint out of shape, over missing Nickelback.

• 1:00:48Speaker 01

  Really funny. Damn.

• 1:00:50Speaker 02

  Maybe that's what you guys can do in Michigan.

• 1:00:52Speaker 01

  I would do anything with them. They're special to me.

• 1:00:54Speaker 02

  And I know that's true.

• 1:00:55Speaker 01

  They're very special to me. I would do anything.

• 1:00:56Speaker 02

  Literally.

• 1:00:57Speaker 01

  With them. They're so nice. It makes you wonder.

• 1:01:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, how'd this happen?

• 1:01:01Speaker 01

  How you and Matty turned out to be so.

• 1:01:03Speaker 02

  I know.

• 1:01:04Speaker 01

  Toxic.

• 1:01:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:06Speaker 01

  Toxico.

• 1:01:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, it was the, the internet that corrupted us.

• 1:01:11Speaker 01

  Yeah?

• 1:01:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:01:12Speaker 01

  What was your relationship to the internet, growing up? Were you really on there?

• 1:01:15Speaker 02

  I, I watched, I watched your sketches on TikTok, from an early, an early age.

• 1:01:22Speaker 02

  People, you do, you do forget, I was, I was, I was an original fan. I was a very early fan. They're very early.

• 1:01:29Speaker 01

  So, um.

• 1:01:32Speaker 01

  What you said to me just now. Because what really hurts is you were a teenager when I started making content. And so there's some viability to it. I actually, I'm, comedy moves so quick and I, I remember when I started kind of popping off in comedy. I remember the look on, I won't say their names because I don't want to make, I don't want to make them sound, they weren't being mean. But there were a couple of comedians that I really looked up to that were young and like still starting out in their career. But they had been making stuff for five, six years and I was like a teenager watching their stuff. And I remember the looks on their face when I told them like, I used to watch you in high school. Like I love your stuff.

• 1:02:09Speaker 02

  Oh my God, is that what I just?

• 1:02:11Speaker 01

  And they were like, well, kind of.

• 1:02:14Speaker 01

  And they were like 27 and they were like, uh, thank you. And this happened to me recently. A former improv teacher of mine texted me and was like, I go around my class and ask everyone like their biggest comedic influences every semester. And like three of my students this year said you. And I was like, I know you thought that was sweet. But to me that was just like, you're rapping on the door of death, Caleb. You're almost done.

• 1:02:39Speaker 02

  Well, I do, I do say it sincerely because you really are the funniest person alive.

• 1:02:42Speaker 01

  Jack, come on.

• 1:02:43Speaker 02

  And I mean that, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart.

• 1:02:44Speaker 01

  Come on, get out of here.

• 1:02:47Speaker 02

  But you know what did happen to me recently?

• 1:02:48Speaker 01

  Tell me now.

• 1:02:49Speaker 02

  This past weekend, I was at a wedding and this guy I really don't know very well. I met him one other time. Pulls me aside and he says, hey, uh, man, I meant to tell you, um, my sister really wanted me to say to you that she's been a fan of you since 2020 when you were funny.

• 1:03:05Speaker 02

  I was like, thanks.

• 1:03:07Speaker 01

  So I'm gonna kill you.

• 1:03:10Speaker 01

  What?

• 1:03:11Speaker 02

  He pulled me aside to say that on behalf of his sister who wasn't there.

• 1:03:14Speaker 01

  That's, that's my least favorite always. When, when some, when some straight guy is like, dude, my girlfriend loves you. I'm like, well, either call her or leave me the fuck alone. What are you doing?

• 1:03:25Speaker 02

  I also, I had another instance where I was out with a group of friends and they brought like a guy along who was just like kind of a nightmare objectively, never met him. And, and, and he, he pulls me over when, when I get in the room. He's like, dude, I love your videos, man. And I was like, oh, thank you. He's like, all right, chill. Not like that. Not like a fan or something.

• 1:03:45Speaker 02

  I said, thank you.

• 1:03:46Speaker 01

  No, I was just being polite. In 2020, when you were funny is crazy.

• 1:03:53Speaker 01

  He's really crazy.

• 1:03:54Speaker 02

  It's a brutal read, yeah.

• 1:03:55Speaker 01

  It's also, yeah, I mean, whatever, whatever. But that's really fucking funny to say to somebody.

• 1:03:59Speaker 02

  Have you ever had an interaction like that?

• 1:04:01Speaker 01

  Oh, plenty. But the thing is, my most hurtful things are almost always from my actual fans.

• 1:04:06Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:04:06Speaker 01

  Like, I think I've said this on here before, but I played like, I think it was maybe after I played like the Chicago Theater. A fan of mine saw me like the next day, and maybe it was Chicago, maybe it was a different, it was my last theater tour, which was only for the story, I will say, completely sold out. And she like stopped me in a coffee shop like the day after the show. She was like, I was at your show last night. I just want to say like, please, please, please hang in there. Like, I really think you're gonna make it.

• 1:04:33Speaker 01

  She was being so earnest, and I'm like, I'm playing theaters. I was just like, what are you talking about?

• 1:04:39Speaker 02

  I just got out of the theater.

• 1:04:41Speaker 01

  I was like, baby, I think I did. Like, I don't know what your version of making it is, but I'm like, I feel really good. But it's, it's stuff like-

• 1:04:48Speaker 02

  That's so crazy.

• 1:04:49Speaker 01

  And the thing is, she was a sweetheart. She meant it. She was legitimately like, you fucking do it, brother.

• 1:04:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, that's brutal.

• 1:04:56Speaker 01

  That's, my fans are always humbling me in that way, which is good and for the best. But it's always, it's never really hate comments.

• 1:05:02Speaker 02

  But I feel like you are a very humble guy.

• 1:05:04Speaker 01

  Well, you know, and it's, there's a reason. It's because these are my fans.

• 1:05:09Speaker 01

  How could I not be? With fans like these, who needs enemies?

• 1:05:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, they're making sure.

• 1:05:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, but all the time, stuff like that. Or people, I feel bad too, because I think people don't know how to behave when they meet someone that they know from their phone.

• 1:05:22Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:05:23Speaker 01

  And so, yeah, it's stuff like that, that they'll say something, and I'm sure, maybe not him, but I'm sure oftentimes people who say things like that feel kind of bad later.

• 1:05:30Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:05:31Speaker 01

  Where they go, fuck, I messed that up.

• 1:05:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:05:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:05:33Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, yeah, when you were funny in 2020 as well.

• 1:05:37Speaker 01

  When you were funny in 2020 is actually merch. You should legitimately tell your team right now, get on the phones. We need merch that says, I was a fan of Jack Martin's when he was funny in 2020. I'll wear it immediately. That is so fucking funny.

• 1:05:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, that does feel like something that a controversial celebrity would wear in like 2015.

• 1:05:59Speaker 01

  Really cool.

• 1:06:00Speaker 02

  And that we would bring back now, maybe.

• 1:06:02Speaker 01

  I got industry plant allegations recently.

• 1:06:04Speaker 02

  Really? Oh, my God. How do you feel about that?

• 1:06:07Speaker 01

  I'm just over the moon about it.

• 1:06:08Speaker 02

  That's the highest compliment there is.

• 1:06:09Speaker 01

  I'm over the moon about it. I can't stop. I'm just like giddy. Sometimes when I think about it, I kick my feet.

• 1:06:15Speaker 02

  Who planted you, you think?

• 1:06:16Speaker 01

  I don't know, but I just love the idea. It would be so much better for me if I was an industry plant. My actual story is so much more humiliating. I like, I posted on this, about this on Substack, but I'm like, it's actually way worse. I took improv seriously. It would be so much cooler to be planted. But I love that. I was like, wow, industry plant allegations really feels like that's the good stuff.

• 1:06:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think it's an awesome, like, alter your ego to develop.

• 1:06:42Speaker 01

  It means the world to me, and I hope that people will continue to propagate that.

• 1:06:47Speaker 02

  I'm like, I'm picturing the guy who's like one of those characters in the biopic that turns out to be like the super evil guy that's like actually trying to ruin your career.

• 1:06:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:06:54Speaker 02

  He's just like planning out the So True podcast and the special and everything, Pizza Movie.

• 1:06:58Speaker 01

  Pizza Movie's in there.

• 1:06:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:06:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, part of the plan. Pizza Movie, part of the plan. Build me up to break me down. Build me up to break, get me high off Pizza Movie and then bring me back down to earth.

• 1:07:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, right back down.

• 1:07:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, where I got to play the only 31-year-old in the movie. Can't stress that enough. I do, every time I talk to Nick and Brian, since then, I bring it up.

• 1:07:18Speaker 02

  I mean, it's the funniest thing ever.

• 1:07:20Speaker 01

  It's objectively one of the funniest things that's ever happened to me.

• 1:07:22Speaker 02

  The character needing to be introduced as, so you understand, I took a never-before-invented gap decade.

• 1:07:28Speaker 01

  First word, first words he says. It's so paramount to his being here that we can't see him for an instant without him having mentioned it.

• 1:07:36Speaker 02

  It would completely take you out of this movie where people time travel and go into other dimensions.

• 1:07:44Speaker 01

  There's a, uh, what is it, 17 minute segment of the film where their heads explode? Because they say curse words. I couldn't be 27.

• 1:07:53Speaker 02

  There's a fully sentient robot that goes into space.

• 1:07:55Speaker 01

  Best part of the movie, by the way.

• 1:07:56Speaker 02

  Oh, my God, icon.

• 1:07:57Speaker 01

  Best part of the movie.

• 1:07:58Speaker 02

  Snakatron?

• 1:07:59Speaker 01

  Need.

• 1:07:59Speaker 02

  Come on.

• 1:08:00Speaker 01

  Need, felt attracted to.

• 1:08:01Speaker 02

  A hundred percent.

• 1:08:02Speaker 01

  Snakatron, my type. My type.

• 1:08:04Speaker 02

  There's your kink for the sequel.

• 1:08:06Speaker 01

  To be into the Snakatron?

• 1:08:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, being into robots, I do think there's something very special about that. Did you ever watch Lars and the Real Girl?

• 1:08:13Speaker 02

  No.

• 1:08:14Speaker 01

  Great film. You actually should watch Lars and the Real Girl.

• 1:08:17Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:08:17Speaker 01

  Actually, all jokes aside, I know we kid around a lot on here. You should watch Lars and the Real Girl. It's kind of beautiful.

• 1:08:23Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:08:23Speaker 01

  He, it's Ryan Gosling.

• 1:08:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:08:25Speaker 01

  Um, and basically the whole town endures his delusions until he gets over it. It's fucking awesome. It's completely fucking awesome. It's a great Ryan Gosling role, one of his best.

• 1:08:37Speaker 02

  That's what the girl who said, "I, I hope you make it to you," thought was happening.

• 1:08:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She's like, "We just gotta keep making him believe he's somebody." Till he comes out of it. Till he comes out of it.

• 1:08:48Speaker 02

  I just don't understand how that happens, because if she's a fan of you, she sees like, you're like, in Devil Wears Prada at the premiere, like you're crushing it objectively.

• 1:08:57Speaker 01

  I mean, in her defense, this was a year ago, so none of that had happened. Maybe she really, look, I love it. I think the two, the coolest things that can happen to you, if you're me, are industry plant allegations and Ozempic allegations. I think those are the chicest things that can happen to me.

• 1:09:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:11Speaker 01

  And I'm, I'm just loving, I'm just loving that.

• 1:09:15Speaker 02

  What about Secret Nepo Baby?

• 1:09:16Speaker 01

  Secret Nepo Baby, no, that erases a lot of really bad stuff I went through.

• 1:09:22Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's fair.

• 1:09:23Speaker 01

  Being poor is the worst thing that ever happened to me, and I want people to know that it happened.

• 1:09:25Speaker 02

  Right, right, right.

• 1:09:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm not interested in erasing that.

• 1:09:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:28Speaker 01

  Um, but I think Secret Nepo Baby, I kind of like Nepo Babies.

• 1:09:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:09:34Speaker 01

  I think they're a lot of fun.

• 1:09:35Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 1:09:35Speaker 01

  I really do. I think it's chic.

• 1:09:38Speaker 02

  I met a nepo baby once who was writing a script about how everyone was hunting down and trying to kill nepo babies.

• 1:09:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:09:45Speaker 02

  And the point of the movie was that you feel really bad for them.

• 1:09:47Speaker 01

  I like that.

• 1:09:47Speaker 02

  And he was going around just pitching it to everyone that would listen.

• 1:09:49Speaker 01

  That's the cool thing about nepo babies is they're legitimately, most of them fucking insane. And I also love that most of us are so jealous, punishing and petty that we've stretched nepo baby to be like the most, the widest, broadest definition you can imagine.

• 1:10:06Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:10:07Speaker 01

  I can remember they were really trying to come after Alison Williams. I was like, I don't know, her dad has a ton of pull. Just to be honest, I don't think he was involved in the casting of HBO Girls.

• 1:10:17Speaker 01

  I just love how it's such a broad because we're such an envious, like mean spirited, kind of nasty society.

• 1:10:22Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 1:10:23Speaker 01

  We will extend any insult we can to anybody that'll fit it.

• 1:10:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:10:27Speaker 01

  And nepo baby's getting really funny.

• 1:10:28Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:10:29Speaker 01

  It's getting really funny.

• 1:10:30Speaker 02

  My character in the show is a nepo baby.

• 1:10:33Speaker 01

  Really?

• 1:10:33Speaker 02

  Hey, crazy tie in.

• 1:10:36Speaker 01

  You've never told me that.

• 1:10:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, his dad's a billionaire who owns a media company and he can't get a job at the company until he name drops his dad. And that's how his arc starts in the show.

• 1:10:47Speaker 01

  So is part of it that he tried to do it without the dad?

• 1:10:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:10:50Speaker 01

  That's kind of sweet.

• 1:10:51Speaker 02

  He goes into his interview, he's like very excited, he's very earnest, gets brutally rejected in the room, sees the guy who's the boss in the hallway and shakes his hand and name drops his dad's name and gets a job.

• 1:11:02Speaker 01

  Isn't that cool?

• 1:11:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:11:05Speaker 01

  I wish I had that kind of situation.

• 1:11:07Speaker 02

  I mean, would be incredible.

• 1:11:08Speaker 01

  I'm not above it at all. I would, I would love.

• 1:11:11Speaker 02

  More power to him.

• 1:11:12Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:11:13Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:11:13Speaker 01

  Go get that job at the company, brother.

• 1:11:15Speaker 02

  Go get it.

• 1:11:16Speaker 01

  No worries.

• 1:11:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:11:17Speaker 01

  When's the show come out?

• 1:11:18Speaker 02

  Uh, June 2nd.

• 1:11:20Speaker 01

  Uh, June 2nd, hell yeah. Are you excited?

• 1:11:22Speaker 02

  I am really excited. It was really, really fun. I, I mean, shooting here was insane. That was so cool. I feel like nothing shoots here anymore.

• 1:11:29Speaker 01

  I know.

• 1:11:29Speaker 02

  So that was a gift.

• 1:11:30Speaker 01

  That's cool as fuck.

• 1:11:31Speaker 02

  Um, and we're all friends, which is amazing. I'm, I'm literally running a campaign to get you in the show.

• 1:11:38Speaker 01

  Hey, tell them to give me a call. Not one, not one phone call came through during season one.

• 1:11:41Speaker 02

  And that's, and I don't stand by that at all.

• 1:11:43Speaker 01

  Mindy, you're asleep at the wheel. Just kidding. Just kidding, girl, I love you. Um, that's so fun, dude. I'm so excited for you.

• 1:11:49Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 1:11:50Speaker 01

  You deserve the world.

• 1:11:51Speaker 02

  I'm excited for you, King. Are you kidding?

• 1:11:52Speaker 01

  Don't.

• 1:11:53Speaker 02

  You're so amazing in Devil's Brothers.

• 1:11:54Speaker 01

  How dare you?

• 1:11:57Speaker 01

  Try to slick turn that back on me. That's a disgusting habit. That was a sickening, sickening move that you did. Don't do that. I'm very excited for you. I can't wait to see the show. Is there even one person you worked with on it that you didn't like?

• 1:12:14Speaker 02

  No, genuinely.

• 1:12:15Speaker 01

  Do you imagine?

• 1:12:16Speaker 02

  I really love them all. I wrote every single person a card.

• 1:12:18Speaker 01

  Every person who worked on it?

• 1:12:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:12:20Speaker 01

  How many was it?

• 1:12:21Speaker 02

  A lot. It was an insane amount. I didn't even get some to some people because I missed them and I couldn't find them. So I just have these cards in my bag.

• 1:12:29Speaker 01

  I gotta say, I did that after Trash Mountain.

• 1:12:31Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:12:31Speaker 01

  I wrote 137 thank you cards.

• 1:12:34Speaker 02

  Okay, well, you got me beat in that.

• 1:12:35Speaker 01

  No, no, no, no. Let me tell you something. It won't be happening again. I found the limits of my gratitude and I passed them. From now on, everyone will be getting a very sincere handshake.

• 1:12:45Speaker 02

  It is funny when you see those sayings, like inspirational quotes on Instagram that are like, there's no limits to gratitude. The more gratitude you have, the more gratitude you get. And then, you know, that happens. You're like, actually, that's not true at all.

• 1:12:54Speaker 01

  It went in waves. It was like the 25th thank you card. I was like, Caleb, you're one of the best guys. You know, I was really, I was really building myself up. I was like, this is, you know.

• 1:13:02Speaker 02

  That is how it feels.

• 1:13:03Speaker 01

  It was, it was like, you know, you're just one of, you're just different, man. You're just one of these guys that like, you don't think about this stuff the way that other people do. You're in gratitude, you're in your gratitude bag in a way that's unbelievable. At about card 70, I was like, you don't have to be this good. And legitimately, when I hit 100, I'm reading fucking quotes about.

• 1:13:21Speaker 02

  Martyrdom.

• 1:13:22Speaker 01

  Like, yeah, suicidal empathy.

• 1:13:27Speaker 01

  I'm like looking for a cross to nail myself to. I'm like, you do not have to crawl through the desert. You do not have to be good.

• 1:13:33Speaker 02

  Yeah. So that's exactly how I felt.

• 1:13:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:13:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:13:35Speaker 01

  It's fucked up. I won't be doing it again. Everyone on Trash Mountain, I hope you enjoyed your thank you cards. Didn't hear back from most of the people that I wrote to, which makes complete sense. No one gets it more than I do. And yeah, in future projects, it'll just be a, thank you, guys.

• 1:13:49Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 1:13:49Speaker 01

  I won't be writing cards anymore.

• 1:13:51Speaker 02

  Can't do it. Always to happen.

• 1:13:52Speaker 01

  Can't do it. I mean, I guess the movie about my dead dad was the time to do it, but.

• 1:13:55Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:13:56Speaker 01

  Not again.

• 1:13:57Speaker 02

  I'm very excited for that movie.

• 1:13:58Speaker 01

  Thanks, dude. I'm excited too. Okay, June 2nd, show comes out.

• 1:14:01Speaker 02

  Yes, King.

• 1:14:02Speaker 01

  June 3rd, your life changes forever.

• 1:14:03Speaker 02

  Forever.

• 1:14:03Speaker 01

  June 4th, you switch up on everybody.

• 1:14:05Speaker 02

  Yeah. I have a list of my day ones that I'm never going to speak to again.

• 1:14:08Speaker 01

  June 5th, you switch up on people that you haven't even met yet. June 6th, my mom's birthday.

• 1:14:13Speaker 02

  And, and I know it.

• 1:14:15Speaker 01

  So you give her a call.

• 1:14:15Speaker 02

  And that's in the calendar. 75 Jack.

• 1:14:20Speaker 01

  75 Jack is where you switch up on everyone but my mom.

• 1:14:26Speaker 02

  It's gonna do wonders for me.

• 1:14:28Speaker 01

  I can't wait for your switch up dude. I've been waiting on it and I, I felt like you deserved it a while ago, to be honest.

• 1:14:32Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 1:14:32Speaker 01

  I was ready for you to switch up after La Brea.

• 1:14:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:14:35Speaker 01

  You didn't really do it.

• 1:14:36Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:14:36Speaker 01

  And now I'm ready for the switch up.

• 1:14:37Speaker 02

  Yeah, now, now it's time.

• 1:14:39Speaker 01

  I wanna see you go off on people.

• 1:14:40Speaker 02

  How would you like me to switch up on you?

• 1:14:42Speaker 01

  Uh, you can switch up on me however you want. It won't, it won't faze me. I'll bring you back. I'll get you back.

• 1:14:46Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:14:47Speaker 01

  I'm gonna let you go for, well, you know, someone said, I can't remember who, but, um, someone a couple of years ago said that when your friend gets really famous, you should give them three years to be a psycho and if they come back, you accept them and if they don't, they're gone forever.

• 1:14:57Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:14:57Speaker 01

  I'm gonna give you your three years.

• 1:14:59Speaker 02

  Thank you.

• 1:14:59Speaker 01

  Just, uh, June 3rd.

• 1:15:00Speaker 02

  Yep.

• 1:15:01Speaker 01

  2026 to June 3rd, 2029. On June 4th, 2029, I want you back.

• 1:15:06Speaker 02

  The switch up is over.

• 1:15:07Speaker 01

  Switch up is over.

• 1:15:08Speaker 02

  We're switching up, up.

• 1:15:09Speaker 01

  We're switching back. To the way things were before.

• 1:15:12Speaker 02

  We're switching down?

• 1:15:13Speaker 01

  We're switching down.

• 1:15:13Speaker 02

  We're switching down.

• 1:15:14Speaker 01

  We're switching down and I want you to come back to me. I want you to be the old Jack. But I want you to have those three years. I want you to go to all those nauseating parties we get invited to.

• 1:15:21Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:15:21Speaker 01

  I want you to wear weird shit.

• 1:15:23Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:15:23Speaker 01

  I want you to be in couture that does not look good or make sense.

• 1:15:25Speaker 02

  Develop a British accent somehow.

• 1:15:26Speaker 01

  I want that.

• 1:15:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:15:27Speaker 01

  I want you to develop a, a voice for a character that you can't get out of.

• 1:15:30Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:15:31Speaker 01

  I want that.

• 1:15:32Speaker 02

  The beard's the beginning.

• 1:15:33Speaker 01

  I want you to be really strange in public.

• 1:15:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:15:35Speaker 01

  And I would, during this, by the way, during this three years, I'll be on my bad boy era.

• 1:15:38Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:15:39Speaker 01

  I'm gonna be, you know, I'm gonna be fucking mean to Jimmy Fallon.

• 1:15:41Speaker 02

  These are very complimentary, by the way.

• 1:15:42Speaker 01

  On his show. Do what?

• 1:15:43Speaker 02

  These are very complimentary.

• 1:15:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're being like an obnoxious prick. I'm being, uh, like a druggie, you know? It's fine. They're like, they're like, they're like, what happened on the set of Pizza Movie?

• 1:15:52Speaker 02

  Yeah, whoa.

• 1:15:53Speaker 01

  You know?

• 1:15:53Speaker 02

  And, and they'll point to that as where it all started.

• 1:15:55Speaker 01

  And there's like an E True Hollywood story.

• 1:15:57Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:15:57Speaker 01

  About both of us.

• 1:15:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:15:58Speaker 01

  And our mutual tailspins.

• 1:15:59Speaker 02

  Yeah, there'll be a photo of you as the Grinch in a diaper in black and white with like the flashing effect coming on the screen.

• 1:16:04Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah, I want that.

• 1:16:06Speaker 02

  Yeah, the Ken Burns pullout.

• 1:16:07Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:16:08Speaker 02

  Yeah, with the balloons.

• 1:16:09Speaker 01

  I see all of this for us.

• 1:16:10Speaker 02

  It's gonna be so good.

• 1:16:11Speaker 01

  I'm very excited for the show. I can't wait to stream it.

• 1:16:13Speaker 02

  Thank you, King.

• 1:16:14Speaker 01

  I would watch it in real life if they would let me. If they were putting it in theaters, I'd be there.

• 1:16:19Speaker 02

  I mean.

• 1:16:19Speaker 01

  Should we put TV shows in theaters? Is anyone doing that?

• 1:16:21Speaker 02

  I would love it.

• 1:16:22Speaker 01

  That'd be cool as fuck. We need to open a theater that only plays TV shows.

• 1:16:26Speaker 02

  And I gotta imagine a Sopranos marathon in a theater.

• 1:16:29Speaker 01

  Ooh, I'm gonna cry, cuz actually, that's not fucking funny to me.

• 1:16:35Speaker 01

  One of our fattest of all time TV shows. Some of the fattest people you've ever seen.

• 1:16:39Speaker 02

  And it's, and it's perfect.

• 1:16:40Speaker 01

  Some of the fattest people you've ever seen, and they had, I mean, they did beat the gay guy to death with a pipe, but he was gay for a while before that. He was gay for a while before that, and fat. God, and they all had cool as fuck names.

• 1:16:54Speaker 02

  Extremely cool names.

• 1:16:55Speaker 01

  We should reboot Sopranos.

• 1:16:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, you, you and me?

• 1:16:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, you be Tony, I'll be Polly.

• 1:17:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think we could do that.

• 1:17:04Speaker 01

  Who would be Carmella? I guess Lily.

• 1:17:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:17:07Speaker 01

  So Lily's Carmella. And then, oh god, Christopher.

• 1:17:14Speaker 02

  Timothy Chalamet.

• 1:17:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, he'd do the, he'd do good at that. Yeah, he'd do good as Christopher in our Sopranos reboot. Okay, wait, hold on, hold on, hold on, that's Christopher, and then, who else do we need in there?

• 1:17:26Speaker 02

  Well, I'm worried about AJ.

• 1:17:28Speaker 01

  AJ?

• 1:17:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:17:29Speaker 01

  Oh, uh, Gaten.

• 1:17:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's obviously.

• 1:17:35Speaker 02

  Oh, he'd be so good.

• 1:17:37Speaker 01

  And Meadow, I think we go, I think we go interesting, I think we go, I think we go way older.

• 1:17:42Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:17:43Speaker 01

  I think we just make a different choice and go, she's a way older sister.

• 1:17:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:17:46Speaker 01

  I think we'd be like Laurie Metcalf.

• 1:17:47Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:17:49Speaker 01

  Laurie Metcalf as Meadow in our Sopranos reboot would legitimately, sorry, people would tune in.

• 1:17:54Speaker 02

  It would change lives.

• 1:17:55Speaker 01

  It would change fucking lives. I wanna be Polly, but I wanna be less pathetic.

• 1:18:00Speaker 01

  If that's okay, I know that's his whole deal, but.

• 1:18:01Speaker 02

  You could be Polly and just a completely different guy.

• 1:18:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:18:03Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:18:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm never gonna say, I mean, instead of saying, "Do you hear that, T?", I'm gonna say like, I'm gonna say like, "I don't care if you heard that, T." I'm gonna say stuff like that.

• 1:18:12Speaker 02

  I'm actually secure myself, T.

• 1:18:13Speaker 01

  I actually like my joke, T. Yeah, stuff like that.

• 1:18:16Speaker 02

  I've been reading a lot of books, and I'm really not worried about your opinion.

• 1:18:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, and you'll be Tony.

• 1:18:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:18:20Speaker 01

  And we'll kill people together.

• 1:18:22Speaker 02

  And I'll be eating cold cuts, I'm keeping that.

• 1:18:24Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, that was cool, when he would do that shit.

• 1:18:26Speaker 02

  It's so sick.

• 1:18:26Speaker 01

  He was doing some of the coolest fat guy shit ever.

• 1:18:28Speaker 02

  Just right out of the fridge with the hands.

• 1:18:29Speaker 01

  Taking down like a billion cold cuts in his boxers.

• 1:18:32Speaker 02

  I am gonna be honest, when I saw that show, I started doing that.

• 1:18:35Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:18:36Speaker 02

  I bought a bunch of cold cuts, I bought, like, all the ones he mentions in the show, and I put them in the fridge, and I would get up and I'd go downstairs and I'd eat them out of the fridge.

• 1:18:42Speaker 01

  You're one of the coolest guys I know. You're one of my, you're one of my best friends in the whole world. I really would die for you. Cuz the thing is, I know you're not kidding.

• 1:18:55Speaker 01

  I know you did, brother, and I fucking love that.

• 1:18:57Speaker 02

  Hell, yeah.

• 1:18:57Speaker 01

  That's the coolest shit I've ever heard.

• 1:18:59Speaker 02

  Hey, what can I say?

• 1:19:01Speaker 01

  You wanna play a game?

• 1:19:01Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:19:02Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:19:05Speaker 01

  Stay put, don't go anywhere.

• 1:19:07Speaker 02

  Can you tell me before we play the game, am I supposed to take this game seriously? Or am I supposed to play it ironically? Because the first time I was on the show, I played it ironically, and then halfway through, I realized I was supposed to take it seriously.

• 1:19:15Speaker 01

  You can play it however you want, buddy.

• 1:19:17Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:19:17Speaker 01

  It's your life, I'm just living in it.

• 1:19:19Speaker 02

  Life-changing answer.

• 1:19:20Speaker 01

  What I can tell you is, most people really, really try.

• 1:19:23Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:19:24Speaker 01

  And most people don't succeed.

• 1:19:26Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 1:19:26Speaker 01

  I'm gonna read you fifteen statements, Jack.

• 1:19:27Speaker 02

  Got it.

• 1:19:28Speaker 01

  You're gonna tell me as quickly as you can if what I just said is true or false. You get ten or more correct, we're gonna give you fifty US dollars. I know. I know. Buy some protein shakes. You ready?

• 1:19:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:19:40Speaker 01

  Okay, Jupiter has a hundred fifteen moons.

• 1:19:43Speaker 02

  True.

• 1:19:43Speaker 01

  True. Japan's headquarters, or sorry, well, no, no, it's okay. Tokyo's headquarters is in Japan.

• 1:19:50Speaker 02

  True.

• 1:19:50Speaker 01

  This is true. Halsey's real first name is Ashley.

• 1:19:53Speaker 02

  Who's?

• 1:19:53Speaker 01

  Halsey.

• 1:19:54Speaker 02

  True.

• 1:19:55Speaker 01

  It's true. Lead is denser than gold.

• 1:19:58Speaker 02

  True.

• 1:19:59Speaker 01

  It's false.

• 1:19:59Speaker 02

  Damn it.

• 1:20:00Speaker 01

  McLean, Virginia currently has a population of fifty thousand, seven hundred and seventy-three.

• 1:20:03Speaker 02

  McLean, Virginia?

• 1:20:04Speaker 01

  McLean, Virginia.

• 1:20:05Speaker 02

  Where I'm from?

• 1:20:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:20:06Speaker 02

  Uh, has a population of what?

• 1:20:08Speaker 01

  Fifty thousand, seven hundred and seventy-three.

• 1:20:10Speaker 02

  False.

• 1:20:11Speaker 01

  True.

• 1:20:11Speaker 02

  Fuck!

• 1:20:13Speaker 01

  Russell Crowe has been to all seven continents.

• 1:20:16Speaker 02

  True.

• 1:20:16Speaker 01

  That is false.

• 1:20:17Speaker 02

  No way, I'm horrible at this.

• 1:20:19Speaker 01

  There are six types of taste buds on a human tongue.

• 1:20:21Speaker 02

  True.

• 1:20:22Speaker 01

  False.

• 1:20:22Speaker 02

  No!

• 1:20:23Speaker 01

  Five!

• 1:20:26Speaker 01

  Ostriches have the largest size of any land animal.

• 1:20:28Speaker 02

  True.

• 1:20:29Speaker 01

  That is true.

• 1:20:29Speaker 02

  Yes!

• 1:20:30Speaker 01

  The chemical symbol for potassium is P.

• 1:20:34Speaker 02

  False. True.

• 1:20:36Speaker 01

  False K.

• 1:20:36Speaker 02

  Fuck!

• 1:20:40Speaker 01

  Georgetown's mascot is John the Bulldog.

• 1:20:43Speaker 02

  Jack the Bulldog, false.

• 1:20:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, false, it's Jack the Bulldog. Potato is originated in South America.

• 1:20:47Speaker 02

  True.

• 1:20:47Speaker 01

  That is true. Dexter's laboratory is older than Jimmy Neutron.

• 1:20:51Speaker 02

  True.

• 1:20:51Speaker 01

  True. Tetagon has ten sides.

• 1:20:55Speaker 02

  False.

• 1:20:56Speaker 01

  False, it's a decagon. Vampire bats are real animals.

• 1:20:59Speaker 02

  True.

• 1:20:59Speaker 01

  True.

• 1:21:00Speaker 02

  Let's go.

• 1:21:00Speaker 01

  Only seven Hall of Famers have played for the Baltimore Ravens.

• 1:21:04Speaker 02

  True.

• 1:21:08Speaker 01

  It's true.

• 1:21:12Speaker 02

  I'm in a hole on this one.

• 1:21:13Speaker 01

  10?

• 1:21:16Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 1:21:16Speaker 01

  You want no reaction at all.

• 1:21:18Speaker 02

  Wait, I won.

• 1:21:18Speaker 01

  You won.

• 1:21:19Speaker 02

  Oh my god.

• 1:21:21Speaker 01

  Jack's reaction to winning.

• 1:21:24Speaker 02

  I forgot what the number was. Was it 10?

• 1:21:25Speaker 01

  10 or more.

• 1:21:26Speaker 02

  Unreal. Oh my god.

• 1:21:27Speaker 01

  By the skin of your teeth, brother.

• 1:21:28Speaker 02

  If you had gotten me with that psychological trick at the end, I would have been cooked.

• 1:21:33Speaker 01

  I get a lot of people with my eyes.

• 1:21:34Speaker 02

  You do.

• 1:21:35Speaker 01

  I get a lot of people with my eyes. I also give a lot away by reading the question wrong.

• 1:21:40Speaker 01

  What, Chance?

• 1:21:41Speaker 03

  Can I just editorialize here? You said Tokyo's headquarters is in Japan. It's Toyota's headquarters is in Japan.

• 1:21:48Speaker 01

  Well, it felt true to me. So, so he got it anyway. And yeah, I'm not really always good at reading the questions.

• 1:21:53Speaker 02

  And you know what? I'll go as far to say Tokyo's headquarters is in Japan.

• 1:21:56Speaker 01

  Hello? Tell me Tokyo's not headquartered in Japan. You can't, bitch.

• 1:22:00Speaker 02

  Come on.

• 1:22:00Speaker 01

  Chance, don't ever chime in.

• 1:22:02Speaker 02

  Chance?

• 1:22:03Speaker 01

  Don't ever chime in like that again. Chance?

• 1:22:07Speaker 01

  God, you see, it's impossible to find good help these days.

• 1:22:09Speaker 02

  It's unbelievable.

• 1:22:09Speaker 01

  And I've known this guy since we were kids.

• 1:22:11Speaker 02

  He's so out of line.

• 1:22:11Speaker 01

  He's completely out of line. He needs to be hit, but you're not allowed to anymore due to woke.

• 1:22:16Speaker 01

  You can't strike your staff anymore due to woke and other other social ills. It sucks.

• 1:22:22Speaker 02

  Oh my god, yeah.

• 1:22:23Speaker 01

  I miss the day when you used to be able to just, member of your staff, just get one of these.

• 1:22:27Speaker 02

  I miss when Chance wasn't woke.

• 1:22:29Speaker 01

  I know. You actually, you actually haven't been on Chance's woke journey like I have. Chance has been woke, unwoke. He's been up, he's been down.

• 1:22:39Speaker 01

  He's a real sick individual.

• 1:22:40Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:22:42Speaker 01

  Chance was more woke than me at a certain point.

• 1:22:43Speaker 02

  Really?

• 1:22:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:22:44Speaker 02

  Certainly not the truth anymore.

• 1:22:45Speaker 01

  I know. He outflanked me from the left at one point.

• 1:22:50Speaker 01

  Do you actually, do you actually know what Chance said before this recording today?

• 1:22:53Speaker 02

  Tell me.

• 1:22:54Speaker 01

  He said, he said, "I'll admit it. Something I do when I think someone's lying about a GoFundMe is I check to see how little money they made." And I get happy and I go, "Told you so."

• 1:23:05Speaker 01

  That's the kind of guy he is.

• 1:23:06Speaker 02

  That's, yeah, that's, that's despicable. I got chills. I got full-bodied chills.

• 1:23:10Speaker 01

  You can't, yeah, you hire a hillbilly heterosexual from Missouri like this and you get, you get what you pay for.

• 1:23:17Speaker 02

  He was saying some stuff to me about you that I can't repeat.

• 1:23:20Speaker 01

  About me?

• 1:23:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:23:21Speaker 01

  Oh, I don't. If I respected his opinion at all, it would probably hurt.

• 1:23:25Speaker 01

  No, Chance is a good boy. He's a good egg.

• 1:23:27Speaker 02

  Love you, Chance.

• 1:23:28Speaker 01

  He's a good egg. Chance, we love you.

• 1:23:29Speaker 03

  And I love both of you.

• 1:23:30Speaker 02

  Hey.

• 1:23:31Speaker 01

  Don't, just, we're on the mics.

• 1:23:32Speaker 02

  Yeah, sorry.

• 1:23:36Speaker 02

  Won't happen again.

• 1:23:37Speaker 01

  No, Jack, that wasn't a note for you.

• 1:23:40Speaker 01

  It was a note for Chance, and he'll, he'll receive punishment later.

• 1:23:44Speaker 01

  I have a bucket of ice water I pour on him when he misbehaves.

• 1:23:48Speaker 01

  No, no, no. Jack, is there anything you want to tell people where they can find you, et cetera?

• 1:23:51Speaker 02

  Uh, not suitable for work, June 2nd, Hulu and Disney Plus.

• 1:23:56Speaker 01

  That was good. It's good. And on Instagram?

• 1:23:58Speaker 02

  Back. Uh, Real Jack Martin.

• 1:24:00Speaker 01

  Real Jack Martin on Instagram.

• 1:24:01Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 1:24:01Speaker 01

  Are you still on TikTok?

• 1:24:03Speaker 02

  Yeah, that's just Jack Martin. Real Jack Martin started as a joke, and then it was too late.

• 1:24:07Speaker 01

  And now you're a public figure.

• 1:24:10Speaker 01

  So.

• 1:24:11Speaker 02

  Yeah, now I just look like a douchebag.

• 1:24:12Speaker 01

  We're completely fucked, yeah. Oh, don't worry. I started Caleb Says Things as like a blog when I was like, uh, 18, and then everything just happened too quickly and there was no way out.

• 1:24:21Speaker 02

  Right.

• 1:24:21Speaker 01

  And now I'm Caleb Says Things. Disgusting and humiliating.

• 1:24:25Speaker 02

  I have had friends of mine in real life be like, oh, you know Caleb Says Things?

• 1:24:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, that makes me fucking sick. Yeah, that makes me completely ill. On Instagram, by the way, which is a photo sharing app.

• 1:24:34Speaker 02

  Right, right.

• 1:24:34Speaker 01

  Rarely a word is spoken.

• 1:24:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, so I'm a fucking rube. And I've paid a massive price. I love you, dude. Thanks for doing it.

• 1:24:43Speaker 02

  Well, yeah, that's what I want to say to you is I love you more than anything.

• 1:24:45Speaker 01

  I would die for you.

• 1:24:46Speaker 02

  You're the funniest person ever. I can't thank you enough for having me on. You're the greatest.

• 1:24:49Speaker 01

  It's too much. You're too kind to me.

• 1:24:51Speaker 02

  It's true.

• 1:24:51Speaker 01

  Jack Martin, everybody.