Devon Walker Returns

Welcome! This week’s guest is the hilarious Devon Walker! Devon and Caleb talk Forrest Gump’s troubled lineage, a new racquet sport obsession, multi-vitamins, and so much more! Join our Substack for ad free full episodes, early access to merch, our community chat, and more! https://calebsaysthings.substack.com/ Follow Devon! @internetdevon Follow the show! @sooootruepod Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloud Try Domino's Parmesan Stuffed Crust Pizza today at https://dominos.com Rula patients typically pay $15 per session when using insurance. Head to https://RULA.com to find a therapist the easy way. To get involved, text UPDATE to 22422 or visit https://ImForPP.org Visit https://Quince.com/sotrue for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada, too. Find exactly what you’re booking for at Booking.com. Book today on the site or in the app. So True with Caleb Hearon is edited and engineered by Nicole Lyons. Our social media manager is Virginia Muller. All episodes are filmed in The So Trudio at Legitimate Business World Headquarters in Brooklyn, New York. A Wave series. https://wavesportsandentertainment.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:30Speaker 01

  Ugh, I hate Mondays.

• 0:32Speaker 02

  King's Hawaiian cinnamon swirl bite?

• 0:33Speaker 01

  Uh, Taylor Hanson? Sure, I'll try one. Mmm.

• 0:39Speaker 03

  Hey, let's get back to work, please.

• 0:40Speaker 01

  But Taylor Hanson's making my day way better with these new soft and swirly King's Hawaiian cinnamon bites.

• 0:45Speaker 03

  Taylor Hanson? Nice.

• 0:47Speaker 02

  Try one.

• 0:48Speaker 03

  Mmm.

• 0:52Speaker 02

  King's Hawaiian cinnamon bites. There's nothing like it.

• 1:00Speaker 04

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• 1:34Speaker 05

  They would say these big, beautiful, grandiose things. Like, they'd be like, "God is all-knowing and all-powerful and created the universe out of nothing."

• 1:41Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:42Speaker 05

  And also, he's jealous.

• 1:43Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:50Speaker 06

  And I remember people commenting on how much we were swiveling in the chairs, which...

• 1:53Speaker 05

  And I'll be doing it again.

• 1:54Speaker 06

  Yeah, happy to report the chairs are still doing that.

• 1:56Speaker 05

  I like to swivel.

• 1:57Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's nice.

• 1:58Speaker 05

  It's nice when you're with your boys to just let loose a little bit.

• 2:00Speaker 06

  You got to. You gotta swivel. You gotta get your joints loose.

• 2:03Speaker 05

  Let's go.

• 2:04Speaker 06

  It feels nice.

• 2:04Speaker 05

  Are you stretching?

• 2:05Speaker 06

  No, not as much as I should be.

• 2:07Speaker 05

  How much are you stretching, to be honest, right now?

• 2:08Speaker 06

  Uh, pretty much not at all.

• 2:13Speaker 05

  Not as much as I should be, he's gonna go ahead and be never.

• 2:14Speaker 06

  Yeah, and so not as much as I should be like, you know, if I should be at 100, I'm at probably about a 0.5%.

• 2:19Speaker 05

  Yeah, so I'll be honest, there's a gap between where I am and where I should be, and that gap is everything.

• 2:23Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's pretty much as much as you could ever, ever imagine, yeah, for sure.

• 2:28Speaker 05

  Devin, you gotta be stretching.

• 2:28Speaker 06

  Are you stretching?

• 2:29Speaker 05

  Yeah, I started.

• 2:30Speaker 06

  You're daily stretching.

• 2:31Speaker 05

  Can I tell you something?

• 2:31Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 2:32Speaker 05

  Not daily.

• 2:34Speaker 05

  Can I tell you something?

• 2:35Speaker 06

  How often are you stretching?

• 2:36Speaker 05

  Can I tell you, I've started about two days a week.

• 2:38Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 2:38Speaker 05

  Is that seven? No.

• 2:40Speaker 06

  No, but it's-

• 2:40Speaker 05

  Is it even five? No.

• 2:41Speaker 06

  But it's closer to where, than where I'm at.

• 2:43Speaker 05

  It's closer, maybe, but I probably have a longer journey. Here's what I'll tell you. I hired a personal trainer.

• 2:48Speaker 06

  Oh, sure.

• 2:49Speaker 05

  To talk to me about, I put out the bat signal. I said, "I want a personal trainer who will never, in a billion years, talk to me about weight loss."

• 2:55Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 2:55Speaker 05

  "I want to talk about flexibility and strength."

• 2:57Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 2:57Speaker 05

  "I'm already strong."

• 2:58Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 2:58Speaker 05

  "I want to get stronger. I want to get scary strong."

• 3:00Speaker 06

  I like it.

• 3:00Speaker 05

  "I want to be so flexible I can do freaky shit."

• 3:02Speaker 06

  Oh, I like that. Can I put the leg over the head?

• 3:05Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 3:05Speaker 06

  Come on.

• 3:06Speaker 05

  "I want to be at a party and be like, people be like, 'You're not that flexible. You're 32.'"

• 3:09Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 3:09Speaker 05

  "I'm not 32 yet, but this is later on when I get flexible."

• 3:13Speaker 06

  This is projecting into the future, yes.

• 3:15Speaker 05

  This is next year.

• 3:16Speaker 06

  This is one year from now.

• 3:17Speaker 05

  And they say, "You're not that flexible. You're 32 and fat and gay. You couldn't, you couldn't possibly do the splits right now." Blam. One foot that way, one foot that way, on the floor.

• 3:24Speaker 06

  I do like that in this hypothetical situation, these people think that no gay person could be flexible.

• 3:29Speaker 05

  Well, homophobes are crazy.

• 3:32Speaker 05

  You don't know what homophobes might be doing next year.

• 3:34Speaker 06

  Sure, sure, sure. That hasn't entered the chat yet.

• 3:36Speaker 05

  That's not a stereotype yet, but when I'm 32?

• 3:38Speaker 06

  Yeah, that could, who knows where we could be?

• 3:40Speaker 05

  It might have come up that gay people can't do the full splits at a party.

• 3:42Speaker 06

  Mmm, I would absolutely love to see that.

• 3:45Speaker 05

  And when I'm 32, I'm planning on going to a party as well.

• 3:47Speaker 06

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 3:49Speaker 05

  I'm planning on going to a party and being able to do the full splits on command.

• 3:52Speaker 06

  And I want to be, I want to be there front row.

• 3:54Speaker 05

  You will be, but let me tell you.

• 3:55Speaker 06

  What's that?

• 3:55Speaker 05

  This trainer, this young woman who I loved.

• 3:59Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 4:00Speaker 05

  Beat my ass.

• 4:01Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 4:01Speaker 05

  It wasn't funny.

• 4:02Speaker 06

  As they should.

• 4:03Speaker 05

  It wasn't cute.

• 4:03Speaker 06

  Mm-mm.

• 4:04Speaker 05

  And I was trying to prove things, and for, I'm not kidding, it's the softball game all over again, Chance. For six days, I could not walk straight, and I had fears about getting off the toilet by myself. I had fears about that.

• 4:16Speaker 06

  And this is one session?

• 4:18Speaker 05

  Yes. I had fears. And then I talked to some of my fitness friends, you know, thin people, et cetera.

• 4:24Speaker 06

  Of course.

• 4:24Speaker 05

  They said, "Did you take creatine?" I said, "Did I take creatine?" "No, I don't even know what that is."

• 4:29Speaker 06

  Yeah, they've got all kinds of stuff going on. They've got all kinds of stuff going on that they're never even telling us that they're up to.

• 4:33Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 4:34Speaker 06

  I don't, I also have been considering getting, getting in with a trainer.

• 4:37Speaker 05

  I'm not seeing her again.

• 4:43Speaker 05

  I tried, but our schedule's not aligned. She's wanting me to, she's wanting me to meet up at 11 a.m. Honey, if I get to 11 a.m. and we haven't done it, it's not happening. You gotta catch me in the morning.

• 4:51Speaker 06

  I, 11 a.m. seems like the most reasonable time to do it.

• 4:54Speaker 05

  No, I gotta be into my day by then, because you don't know this, but I'm on 75 Caleb right now.

• 5:02Speaker 06

  And I'm sorry, and you would say 75 Caleb is?

• 5:04Speaker 05

  Part of 75, 75 Caleb is a tailored to me, designed by me, by Caleb, for Caleb, of Caleb.

• 5:11Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 5:12Speaker 05

  Routine.

• 5:13Speaker 06

  Yep.

• 5:13Speaker 05

  Wherein I do many things.

• 5:15Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 5:15Speaker 05

  One of them is I get up before 9 a.m. every day. Now, if you have a normal life with an actual job and responsibilities, that might sound silly to you. You have no idea what I can get up to.

• 5:24Speaker 06

  Please, let's talk about it.

• 5:25Speaker 05

  We're recording this at 1 p.m. I could have, I don't usually, I could have slept until noon.

• 5:31Speaker 06

  What time did you actually sleep until?

• 5:32Speaker 05

  I slept until 8, well, my alarm went off at 7.

• 5:35Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 5:35Speaker 05

  I snoozed it until 8:53.

• 5:38Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 5:38Speaker 05

  Because Caleb, 75 Caleb, states that I have to be up by 9. My feet touched the floor at 8:59 and a half.

• 5:45Speaker 06

  You know what I do, I do like, wait, now I know, now I already know all the principles of 75 Caleb, because I also did, I did a 75 day thing. I called it 75 Day Soft.

• 5:53Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 5:54Speaker 06

  I called it 75, no, just 75 Soft.

• 5:56Speaker 05

  75 Devon.

• 5:57Speaker 06

  Yeah, 75, but I should have personalized it. I do like that a lot.

• 6:01Speaker 05

  Well, you gotta be branding.

• 6:01Speaker 06

  Yeah, you gotta always be branding.

• 6:04Speaker 05

  75 Caleb, ABB. 75 Caleb, I'm scared to say out loud, because of course, there is a level of accountability with my listeners.

• 6:11Speaker 06

  But that's how you gotta put it out there.

• 6:13Speaker 05

  This is 75 Caleb.

• 6:14Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 6:14Speaker 05

  I call two people that I love and miss.

• 6:16Speaker 06

  Oh.

• 6:17Speaker 05

  Exactly.

• 6:17Speaker 06

  I haven't, how many days have you been doing this?

• 6:19Speaker 05

  This, today's the first day and I haven't made the call yet.

• 6:27Speaker 06

  You didn't tell me today was day one.

• 6:29Speaker 05

  Today's day one of 75 Caleb.

• 6:30Speaker 06

  I thought you was like 19 days in and you had worked your way.

• 6:34Speaker 05

  Today's day one of 75 Caleb. I texted, I texted all of them.

• 6:38Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 6:38Speaker 05

  Last week and said, hey, next Monday, I'm starting 75 Caleb, if you guys want in. Nobody said yes. Everybody was mean to me.

• 6:44Speaker 06

  Wow.

• 6:44Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 6:45Speaker 06

  Not a single person in this room.

• 6:46Speaker 05

  Michelle, Michelle has since said yes. I will shout out Michelle.

• 6:49Speaker 06

  Shout out, Michelle.

• 6:50Speaker 05

  Chance has been pretty rude about it. Nicole is considering it.

• 6:53Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 6:53Speaker 05

  And I won't say what Nicole's problems are, but

• 6:55Speaker 06

  Uh oh.

• 6:55Speaker 05

  They're not small.

• 6:56Speaker 06

  Oh, I see.

• 6:57Speaker 05

  They're not small.

• 6:58Speaker 06

  Big issues with 75 Caleb.

• 7:00Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 7:00Speaker 06

  Huge, huge, huge discussions about what's wrong with 75 Caleb.

• 7:04Speaker 05

  That's why it's 75 Kip. So there's call two love, people I love that I miss.

• 7:08Speaker 06

  Right.

• 7:08Speaker 05

  30 minutes of Spanish practice.

• 7:10Speaker 06

  Ooh.

• 7:10Speaker 05

  30 minutes of reading.

• 7:11Speaker 06

  Ooh.

• 7:12Speaker 05

  30 minutes of writing.

• 7:12Speaker 06

  Oh, my God.

• 7:13Speaker 05

  Gotta be writing.

• 7:14Speaker 06

  Woo.

• 7:14Speaker 05

  Two mo- I'm not writing lately. It's ridiculous.

• 7:16Speaker 06

  I hear what you mean. I need to be writing more as well.

• 7:17Speaker 05

  Get on your writing, Caleb. This is ridiculous.

• 7:19Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 7:19Speaker 05

  I tried to talk to myself.

• 7:20Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 7:21Speaker 05

  Um, take my multivitamin. Now, that one seems like a given.

• 7:24Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 7:25Speaker 05

  I can't get myself to take my multivitamin ever.

• 7:27Speaker 06

  You gotta put it in an accessible place, because this was one of the one, this was one of the big ones for me.

• 7:31Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 7:31Speaker 06

  I went to the GNC and I was like, I gotta start doing vitamins. And this guy was like, alright. He gave me the, he gave me a pack of vitamins called Megamin.

• 7:38Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 7:39Speaker 06

  And they come in.

• 7:42Speaker 05

  Mega Devon, of course.

• 7:43Speaker 06

  He gave me, he gave me, he gave me Megamin for men 30 plus.

• 7:46Speaker 05

  Yeah. Hell, yeah. Yeah.

• 7:49Speaker 06

  He gave me the 30 plus Megavin and it comes in a pack, it comes in a pack of 30.

• 7:53Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 7:53Speaker 06

  And I got a big box and I just put it like, I put it right by my door. Like when I left for the day, I would grab a Megamin.

• 7:59Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 7:59Speaker 06

  As soon as I ate a meal, I'd take my Megamin. That's what you, you gotta put it somewhere that you like, every time you walk past it, you're like, oh, time to take my vitamin for the day. Because if you keep it up in a cabinet.

• 8:08Speaker 05

  Done.

• 8:08Speaker 06

  It's locked away. You're not gonna think about it. That's, you gotta put it right in front of you.

• 8:12Speaker 05

  You're done before you started.

• 8:12Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 8:14Speaker 05

  Okay, 75 Caleb. An hour of movement. I move however I want. Already done that today. I'm counting city bikes. I don't care. This is not about punishment. This is about discipline.

• 8:21Speaker 06

  Yeah, of course.

• 8:21Speaker 05

  Right?

• 8:22Speaker 06

  I hear that.

• 8:22Speaker 05

  Now, here comes the hard part.

• 8:24Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 8:24Speaker 05

  No soda, no weed, no fast food. Wow.

• 8:27Speaker 06

  I do, I do know you to be a soda enjoyer.

• 8:30Speaker 05

  I'm a soda enjoyer. It's over.

• 8:31Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 8:32Speaker 05

  That's in the past.

• 8:32Speaker 06

  Yeah, sure. That's, and the, and the past being yesterday.

• 8:35Speaker 05

  That's last night.

• 8:39Speaker 06

  The past being 24, maybe 24 hours ago.

• 8:42Speaker 05

  That's over.

• 8:42Speaker 06

  Depending on what time you went to bed last night.

• 8:44Speaker 05

  Not even 24 hours.

• 8:45Speaker 06

  Sure.

• 8:46Speaker 05

  Try 12.

• 8:47Speaker 06

  Are you a Dr. Pepper guy?

• 8:48Speaker 05

  Used to be.

• 8:49Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 8:52Speaker 06

  I do, I love that we are on day one and you were acting as if you have put an entire life behind you.

• 8:58Speaker 05

  Used to be. I remember him.

• 9:00Speaker 06

  We're, we're recording on a Monday, that life behind you was Sunday.

• 9:03Speaker 05

  I vaguely remember him.

• 9:04Speaker 06

  Sure, sure, sure.

• 9:05Speaker 05

  I remember who I was back when I was using.

• 9:07Speaker 06

  I don't know who that man is, I have turned my back on him, that is a shadow of my former self.

• 9:11Speaker 05

  I don't use anymore.

• 9:12Speaker 06

  Sure.

• 9:13Speaker 05

  Dr. Pepper's in my past.

• 9:14Speaker 06

  Sure.

• 9:14Speaker 05

  Don't call me.

• 9:15Speaker 06

  You're, you're looking out the windshield, not in the rearview.

• 9:17Speaker 05

  No contact with Dr. Pepper.

• 9:18Speaker 06

  Come on now.

• 9:19Speaker 05

  I've gone no contact.

• 9:19Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 9:20Speaker 05

  There's a reason.

• 9:21Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 9:21Speaker 05

  There's a reason the windshield's bigger than the rearview mirror.

• 9:24Speaker 06

  I, I hear that.

• 9:24Speaker 05

  Hello?

• 9:25Speaker 06

  I hear that.

• 9:26Speaker 05

  So, now, is weed gonna be difficult? Yes.

• 9:28Speaker 06

  Hmm.

• 9:28Speaker 05

  Now, you're asking yourself, why do you have to get off weed? It's from the earth.

• 9:32Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 9:32Speaker 05

  Devin, I want to thank you for asking.

• 9:33Speaker 06

  I did.

• 9:34Speaker 05

  Uh, two weeks ago, I got so high that the veil got extremely thin. I felt that I saw through the universe.

• 9:40Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 9:40Speaker 05

  I had a panic attack and my friend had to come sleep with me. So, so I am taking a break from weed at the moment.

• 9:47Speaker 06

  Seventy-five, seventy-five full days.

• 9:48Speaker 05

  Seventy-five Caleb, this is seventy-five days of Caleb.

• 9:52Speaker 06

  Seventy-five days, how much were you smoking before?

• 9:54Speaker 05

  Not that much, but I had one bad, I had my first ever bad experience with weed two weeks ago.

• 9:59Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 10:00Speaker 05

  I, which coincided with a health thing, it was whatever. I have had strep throat four times in the last year. We are looking into many, many things.

• 10:07Speaker 06

  Sure.

• 10:08Speaker 05

  We might do.

• 10:09Speaker 06

  There's one place we really could start to look.

• 10:10Speaker 05

  We might do, we might do a Calebectomy.

• 10:12Speaker 06

  Yeah, sure.

• 10:13Speaker 05

  Which is where Caleb gets a tonsillectomy.

• 10:15Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 10:17Speaker 05

  We're looking at all of our options. We're done. My eye twitch is kind of off and on.

• 10:22Speaker 06

  Sure, you gotta rebrand everything, Calebectomy, yeah, yeah, yeah. You had Calebthroat a couple of times, which I guess.

• 10:29Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 10:29Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 10:30Speaker 05

  Yeah, so hey, so have some other people.

• 10:31Speaker 06

  Yeah!

• 10:36Speaker 05

  Hey! But no, in all seriousness.

• 10:38Speaker 06

  Yeah, in all seriousness, no, for real, though.

• 10:40Speaker 05

  All jokes aside.

• 10:41Speaker 06

  Seventy-five Caleb.

• 10:41Speaker 05

  Seventy-five Caleb is on and you could start seventy-five Devin today, we could be in community.

• 10:46Speaker 06

  See, I just did my seventy-five joint, though.

• 10:48Speaker 05

  Did you?

• 10:48Speaker 06

  I just did it like.

• 10:49Speaker 05

  What was on it?

• 10:50Speaker 06

  Um, I had, yours is more strenuous than mine was.

• 10:53Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 10:53Speaker 06

  Cause it's.

• 10:56Speaker 05

  That's not good to hear.

• 10:57Speaker 06

  Cause you committed, cause you committed to the reading and the writing and the what? Oh, Spanish lessons.

• 11:04Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 11:04Speaker 06

  Yeah, mine was not that involved. Mine was an hour of movement every day.

• 11:07Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 11:07Speaker 06

  Mine was taking vitamins every day. Mine was reducing my screen time to 30 minutes of screen time a day.

• 11:12Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 11:12Speaker 06

  I bought one of those little brick devices.

• 11:14Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 11:14Speaker 06

  You know, that like shuts off all your, uh, all your social media.

• 11:17Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 11:17Speaker 06

  I guess it was specific to social media, not screen time. I was still looking at stuff on my phone, but it was just.

• 11:22Speaker 05

  I was texting for hours.

• 11:23Speaker 06

  I was still look, I was reading, I was trying to read articles. I was trying to like, use my phone time a little bit more responsibly.

• 11:29Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 11:30Speaker 06

  And stop like looking at algorithmic stuff, which is like, I'm getting a lot of, my algorithm now is showing me a lot of, it's, it's a bunch of different macaroni and cheese recipes.

• 11:40Speaker 06

  Why did you sound concerned for me?

• 11:42Speaker 05

  Well, I'm just curious, do you have one that you, you, are you making macaroni and cheese? Or how did we get here?

• 11:46Speaker 06

  No, but I enjoy it.

• 11:47Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 11:47Speaker 06

  Like I enjoy it and I guess I just watched a couple of macaroni and cheese videos and now it's a big part of what's going on on my phone.

• 11:53Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 11:53Speaker 06

  I guarantee you if I opened up my phone right now, there will be macaroni and cheese within one swipe.

• 11:57Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 11:58Speaker 06

  Hold on.

• 11:58Speaker 05

  Mine is one very specific Kurt Vonnegut quote.

• 12:01Speaker 06

  Oh, what, what's the quote?

• 12:02Speaker 05

  Keeps getting served to me. It's that thing about the envelopes. You know about this?

• 12:05Speaker 06

  Uh, no.

• 12:06Speaker 05

  His wife is like, Kurt Vonnegut's wife is like, you're a very rich man. Why don't you buy your envelopes in bulk? And he says, because I love to walk and get my envelope one at a time. I see, I see someone, I smile at someone, I brush cheeks with a stranger. It's about doing things, it's about routine.

• 12:20Speaker 06

  Oh, I like that.

• 12:21Speaker 05

  The envelope, it's really beautiful.

• 12:22Speaker 06

  And that's really perfect for the moment that you're in your life, 75 Caleb.

• 12:24Speaker 05

  75 Caleb, 75 envelope.

• 12:26Speaker 06

  Hmm.

• 12:27Speaker 05

  I'm gonna go get my own envelopes.

• 12:28Speaker 06

  Okay, actually there's not macaroni and cheese. I thought it was gonna be readily available. There's a bunch of other food stuff, but.

• 12:33Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 12:33Speaker 06

  There's actually no mac and cheese.

• 12:35Speaker 05

  Anything good?

• 12:35Speaker 06

  Really tasty looking pizza.

• 12:37Speaker 05

  That does look good, although I think it's just cheese, which to me is always a waste.

• 12:40Speaker 06

  Oh, sure, sure, sure. You need, you need an additional.

• 12:42Speaker 05

  A cheese pizza is a stupid fucking idea.

• 12:44Speaker 06

  See, I would, I would like to disagree with you here because I think the cheese is like, that's the foundation upon which everything rests. So if a place can do a cheese slice really well.

• 12:52Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 12:52Speaker 06

  Then everything else is gonna be.

• 12:53Speaker 05

  You gonna buy a house that's just a foundation?

• 12:56Speaker 06

  I'm not personally.

• 12:59Speaker 06

  I hear what you're saying.

• 12:59Speaker 05

  Do you know what I mean?

• 13:00Speaker 06

  But you do need a strong foundation on which to build everything else.

• 13:03Speaker 05

  To me, it's just like a pizza with no meat is, I feel, I'm like, I'm six. This is a children's endeavor.

• 13:10Speaker 06

  I hear what you're saying, but also.

• 13:12Speaker 05

  Sausage on there.

• 13:13Speaker 06

  I hear what you're saying, but also the beauty of simplicity.

• 13:16Speaker 05

  Put some chicken bacon ranch on there.

• 13:18Speaker 06

  Whoa.

• 13:19Speaker 05

  Ever had it?

• 13:19Speaker 06

  Chicken bacon ranch.

• 13:20Speaker 05

  Chance's favorite pizza, chicken bacon ranch.

• 13:23Speaker 03

  Uh, there's a place in my hometown called Rocco's that is like a Sicilian spot that it is, yeah, it's my, it was, it's my death row meal.

• 13:30Speaker 06

  Whoa, okay.

• 13:31Speaker 05

  We'll take you.

• 13:32Speaker 06

  I'm a, I'm a sausage and peppers.

• 13:34Speaker 05

  I'm down.

• 13:34Speaker 06

  On the pie kinda guy.

• 13:35Speaker 05

  I'm really down with that.

• 13:36Speaker 06

  Yeah, give me the sausage and the pepper.

• 13:37Speaker 05

  I will say it's ridiculous that I will, I'll order a meat lovers, which is just like, that doesn't need to exist, but I will order it.

• 13:44Speaker 06

  You know, something to me, there are certain things about me as a, as a straight man that like, that I'm like, I can't dive into that part of the, I can't be that obviously as straight man and, and participate. And a meat lovers pizza is absolutely one of those things. I've dated many women in the past who like, were like ordering a pizza and like, as we're ordering it, they're like, okay, but no meat lovers, all right? And I'm like.

• 14:05Speaker 05

  They have trauma?

• 14:06Speaker 06

  It's like, well, I didn't say that. I never suggested that we do that. I don't even really like that.

• 14:10Speaker 05

  They just read your vibes?

• 14:11Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, they were just sort of like, no, I've seen, you know, in a different part of my life, they're like, yeah, I've seen you play fantasy football, so I know what kind of pizza you're gonna enjoy.

• 14:18Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 14:18Speaker 06

  I'm off fantasy football and I'm off meat lovers.

• 14:20Speaker 05

  You're off fantasy football?

• 14:21Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, for years.

• 14:22Speaker 05

  But you're still on pickup basketball?

• 14:24Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm doing that. I'm doing that. I'm playing tennis. I started playing paddle.

• 14:28Speaker 05

  No.

• 14:29Speaker 06

  I started playing paddle for sure.

• 14:30Speaker 05

  No.

• 14:31Speaker 06

  Yeah, not pickleball.

• 14:32Speaker 05

  And I was gonna say, what is paddle?

• 14:35Speaker 06

  I like that you said no before you.

• 14:36Speaker 05

  Because what was going on, I was buying time to figure out if you really meant pickleball and what I was gonna do to help us get there.

• 14:45Speaker 05

  Outside of saying, Devin, I think you mean pickleball.

• 14:49Speaker 06

  You were like, I liked that I said, I said paddle and in his head, he was like, how do I get this idiot to realize what he's talking about? How do I get him to realize what he has in his mind?

• 14:58Speaker 05

  I was like, nah.

• 14:59Speaker 06

  How do I lead him to water in that way?

• 15:01Speaker 05

  But I'm the idiot.

• 15:02Speaker 06

  Who was that clip with that you, that where somebody was really, was it Zach Zimmerman?

• 15:06Speaker 05

  What about it?

• 15:06Speaker 06

  Where somebody was, he really was not understanding.

• 15:09Speaker 05

  Oh my god, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was trying to set up like a moral dilemma.

• 15:16Speaker 06

  Y'all can't, y'all can't, you, you, you guys listening or watching at home, y'all can't hear this, but there's a whole group of people in the back that when I said Zach Zimmerman, everybody went, ah.

• 15:24Speaker 05

  Ah, the moral dilemma that didn't work.

• 15:26Speaker 06

  Sure that.

• 15:27Speaker 05

  His, his moral dilemma was like, okay, you push a button and you get a million dollars, or you don't push it and a bunch of people die.

• 15:34Speaker 06

  That's not a dilemma.

• 15:36Speaker 05

  And I was like, so I'll hit the button.

• 15:38Speaker 06

  Yeah, so I hit the million dollar button then.

• 15:39Speaker 05

  And no one dies.

• 15:40Speaker 06

  And everybody lives, so then.

• 15:42Speaker 05

  And he was like, no, shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up, you idiot. I, I really felt for him in that moment, because that is tough, when you think you're really doing something.

• 15:50Speaker 06

  Sure, sure.

• 15:51Speaker 05

  Wait, what is paddle?

• 15:53Speaker 06

  Paddle's, paddle's like a, it's a racket sport, not, not dissimilar to pickleball, but it's, uh, it's really popping in Spain right now, and they got a spot, they got a couple of spots in Brooklyn. It's like, it's a doubles sport, and you play doubles, it's all inside of like this cage, and the difference between it and pickleball is you can play the ball off the cage. You know what I'm saying? So it's like, it needs to hit on the other side, there's like a net, you hit it, it has to bounce once, and then it can also bounce off of like one of the walls surrounding you, and then you can hit it off of that.

• 16:20Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 16:21Speaker 06

  It's a lot of, it's me and a lot of, um, a lot, a lot of guys that probably put a vest on when they go to work.

• 16:26Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 16:28Speaker 06

  That's.

• 16:28Speaker 05

  Yeah, and we're not, we're not referring to law enforcement.

• 16:30Speaker 06

  No, no, no, no, no.

• 16:31Speaker 05

  We're talking about Patagonia vests.

• 16:33Speaker 06

  Yeah, we're talking about Patagonia vests, we're talking about guys.

• 16:35Speaker 05

  Dual monitors.

• 16:36Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, big dual monitors. They're the kind of guys who probably watch that show, Industry on HBO, and they know what's going on.

• 16:42Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 16:42Speaker 06

  They hear, they, they, they hear all those words and they say, oh, that's the kind of words I use as well.

• 16:46Speaker 05

  This is my life.

• 16:47Speaker 06

  Yeah, exactly. Yeah, it's a lot of those kinds of guys, but I'm trying to make it, I'm trying to bring cool people into it. I will say, all of my friends are skeptical of it because of the Patagonia vest nature of like who's in there. Every single friend that I've brought to play has been like, this is a really good time.

• 16:59Speaker 05

  Can I tell you something?

• 16:59Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 17:00Speaker 05

  I don't mind the vest, for me, it was the cage.

• 17:02Speaker 06

  Oh.

• 17:03Speaker 05

  That really kinda.

• 17:04Speaker 06

  You don't want to be inside a cage?

• 17:05Speaker 05

  That really set me back.

• 17:06Speaker 06

  I'm gonna pull it up, I'm gonna pull up a video and I want.

• 17:08Speaker 05

  Show me the cage.

• 17:08Speaker 06

  Would, would you? Okay, well now with the way that you're saying it.

• 17:12Speaker 05

  Show me the cage.

• 17:12Speaker 06

  Wait, would you, would you play this with me?

• 17:15Speaker 05

  Um.

• 17:15Speaker 06

  Does, does it depend on? Oh, I see. I thought, I thought he was pulling up a video of.

• 17:21Speaker 05

  I think he is. Chance, can you pull up paddle cage?

• 17:25Speaker 05

  Paddle, cage. Oh, I'm not.

• 17:30Speaker 06

  Yeah, you play inside of there.

• 17:31Speaker 05

  I'm not getting in that.

• 17:32Speaker 06

  You play inside of there.

• 17:33Speaker 05

  I'm not getting in that.

• 17:34Speaker 06

  You play inside of there and then you can play off the walls.

• 17:36Speaker 05

  Play off the walls?

• 17:37Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah. See, it's a lot of guys like that.

• 17:40Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'm not going in the cage with you, but I'll come and watch your match sometime and cheer for you.

• 17:44Speaker 06

  Look, yeah, it's that, it's that.

• 17:46Speaker 05

  I don't like that.

• 17:47Speaker 06

  I'm playing that. What about it is, is, is disconcerting to you?

• 17:50Speaker 05

  I don't want to go in the octagon.

• 17:52Speaker 06

  Oh.

• 17:53Speaker 05

  I don't, why they need to put up a page? Why do, or a cage? Why didn't they just let you play normal style?

• 17:57Speaker 06

  Cause the cage is part of what you, it's part, you play, you play with all the elements of the environment.

• 18:01Speaker 05

  It's a really exciting addition to be able to play off the cage.

• 18:03Speaker 06

  Honestly, yeah.

• 18:04Speaker 05

  The number, yeah, the way you're saying that, I'm, I'm learning that that's really special. And there's one ball at a time?

• 18:08Speaker 06

  Uh, yeah, it's one ball at a time, but it's two versus two.

• 18:11Speaker 05

  Yeah. And how do you score?

• 18:12Speaker 06

  Um, the ball has to bounce twice on the other side.

• 18:15Speaker 05

  Twice on the other side?

• 18:16Speaker 06

  On the other side of the net. It's, it's like, it's same as tennis.

• 18:20Speaker 05

  So the, the, you have to hit it in the, the opposite square from you?

• 18:23Speaker 06

  Uh, you can hit it anywhere on the other side.

• 18:26Speaker 05

  Oh, wow.

• 18:26Speaker 06

  You can, you have to serve to the one opposite to you, like the one like diagonal from you, but outside of that, you can, yeah, you can hit anywhere.

• 18:32Speaker 05

  Can you play the net real intense?

• 18:34Speaker 06

  Uh.

• 18:34Speaker 05

  Spike it at the net?

• 18:35Speaker 06

  Yeah, you can do that.

• 18:36Speaker 05

  That I like.

• 18:36Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah. Okay. So it sounds like you'd like to come play with me.

• 18:38Speaker 05

  I like playing the net.

• 18:39Speaker 06

  It is ungodly expensive, I will say that.

• 18:42Speaker 05

  Why is that?

• 18:43Speaker 06

  I don't know. But I mean, because, because of the vests, the vest guys who play there. Also, there's like a, you, you somehow, for some reason, they decided to add like a social club element. There's like a coffee shop and like a smoothie place and like a, a lounge and like, there might be a sauna of some sort. So that's, that's what you're paying for.

• 19:00Speaker 05

  Rich people are always just inventing towns where poor people can't come.

• 19:04Speaker 06

  Yes. And that is a thousand percent that. Cause the actual sport doesn't need to be that expensive.

• 19:08Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 19:09Speaker 06

  But you're paying for all this other shit that I'm personally not using.

• 19:12Speaker 05

  Well, pickleball was too easy. There was no cage. And then the rich people said, we should put up a cage.

• 19:16Speaker 06

  Hon- honestly, I, I just played pickleball for the first time. Not for me.

• 19:20Speaker 05

  No, me neither. I don't like seeing it.

• 19:21Speaker 06

  I, I, to me, I mean, I got into playing tennis in the last like year or so. And I liked, I mean, tennis is incredibly hard and I'm still like really trying to figure it out. These sport, these like paddle sports are a lot easier, but I do like, I need, I need to run around.

• 19:33Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 19:34Speaker 06

  I'm still young enough that I can move. I feel like I'll get into pickleball when I'm 70.

• 19:37Speaker 05

  How old are you?

• 19:38Speaker 06

  When I have like a hip replacement. I'm four years older than you.

• 19:40Speaker 05

  Okay. This is interesting.

• 19:41Speaker 06

  And this has come up, this came up last time too.

• 19:43Speaker 05

  No, no, I'm not interested.

• 19:43Speaker 06

  And I was really shamed for my age. I was really shamed for my age, despite the fact that we were probably born during the same president.

• 19:51Speaker 05

  What presidency were you born in?

• 19:53Speaker 06

  Bill Clinton, as were you.

• 19:55Speaker 05

  Okay, nice.

• 20:01Speaker 05

  No, no, no, that's not where I'm going with this.

• 20:02Speaker 06

  Sure.

• 20:03Speaker 05

  What has happened to me recently?

• 20:05Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 20:05Speaker 05

  And I feel that by you saying I'm still young, I can run around, I should be doing it, I feel you might be in the same place.

• 20:09Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 20:10Speaker 05

  I have unlocked an appreciation for my body that was not there before.

• 20:14Speaker 06

  Oh, that's beautiful.

• 20:15Speaker 05

  I've unlocked an appreciation for it. I've always liked my body, but specifically the fact that I can move.

• 20:20Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 20:20Speaker 05

  I'm moving my body and going, oh, fuck, this won't be here forever. This is sick.

• 20:24Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 20:24Speaker 05

  I'm like, literally, I was biking over here 30 minutes ago.

• 20:27Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 20:27Speaker 05

  And I was like, God, this is awesome. I hope that this lasts for a really long time for me.

• 20:31Speaker 06

  Whoa.

• 20:32Speaker 05

  I'm like, very conscious of my body, uh, being, yeah, like, being young and being able to move is something I'm thinking a lot about.

• 20:38Speaker 06

  Welcome to your 30s, my brother.

• 20:40Speaker 05

  I know. It's nice.

• 20:42Speaker 06

  Welcome to your 30s where you start to really realize, like, oh, this is not, when your, when your knee starts to act up a little bit.

• 20:47Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 20:48Speaker 06

  When you're like, one time I was, God, what was I, I was playing tennis and I, like, swung weird and my back hurt and I couldn't walk for, like, 36 hours. Or I could walk, but it was like a challenge.

• 20:57Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 20:58Speaker 06

  And I was like, oh, I need to start doing some stretches. Did I, have I started?

• 21:02Speaker 05

  No, but you're going to.

• 21:03Speaker 06

  But it's in my heart now.

• 21:04Speaker 05

  I learned about dynamic stretching recently.

• 21:06Speaker 06

  Sure.

• 21:07Speaker 05

  You know, and that's where you, I learned that you're supposed to do that before a workout.

• 21:11Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 21:11Speaker 05

  Where you're kind of bouncing in the stretch a little bit, not too much, but where you're kind of doing movements in the stretch.

• 21:16Speaker 06

  Wow.

• 21:16Speaker 05

  Static stretching is for when you're done, that's for the cooldown. Now, I've been doing stretching all wrong, if at all.

• 21:23Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 21:23Speaker 05

  And I need to get into it. I want to get into yoga. I'm scared of Pilates. I don't think I can enter those spaces.

• 21:28Speaker 06

  That's a lot.

• 21:28Speaker 05

  But yoga, I need to speak with Adriene.

• 21:31Speaker 06

  You can get involved.

• 21:32Speaker 05

  Yeah. I need to speak with Adriene. I've heard she's doing good things.

• 21:35Speaker 06

  You could get involved. You know what a really nice time to get into yoga is? On vacation.

• 21:38Speaker 05

  Really?

• 21:39Speaker 06

  Yeah. Do a little, do, because it's like, you're, you're in a different environment, you're somewhere new. Pop on one of them YouTube videos.

• 21:44Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 21:44Speaker 06

  Pop on one of them YouTube videos, hit one of them poses.

• 21:46Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 21:47Speaker 06

  Feels good.

• 21:48Speaker 05

  You know, earlier you were talking about girls not wanting you to order Meat Lover's Pizza.

• 21:52Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 21:52Speaker 05

  And I keep thinking about, I never feel more distant from my girls than at dinner.

• 21:57Speaker 06

  Speak on that.

• 21:57Speaker 05

  Because all, my girls will be like, why don't you come over for dinner, I'll make us something. I'll go, okay, and then I'll go over and their idea, and I love girls, you know that. Girls are my whole life.

• 22:05Speaker 06

  Sure.

• 22:05Speaker 05

  Girls mean everything to me.

• 22:06Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 22:07Speaker 05

  Girls pay my bills, they're the whole reason that we're sitting in here right now. I want to thank you to girls.

• 22:10Speaker 06

  Thank you, girls.

• 22:11Speaker 05

  That being said, a girl's idea of dinner is butter noodles. That pisses me off.

• 22:17Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 22:18Speaker 05

  What the fuck are you talking about?

• 22:19Speaker 06

  I hear what you're, I hear what you're saying.

• 22:20Speaker 05

  I don't like that.

• 22:21Speaker 06

  I hear what you're saying.

• 22:22Speaker 05

  And they're like, girl dinner, girl dinner, I'm like, first of all, that's a snack.

• 22:25Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 22:25Speaker 05

  Second of all, don't make me be involved in it.

• 22:27Speaker 06

  Yeah, it can be, it can be tough sometimes when you're with certain homegirls and you realize like, especially when you're with your homegirls who are like on TV.

• 22:34Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 22:34Speaker 06

  Your homegirls who are on TV, they really not trying to eat what you and I would probably consider a meal.

• 22:38Speaker 05

  No.

• 22:39Speaker 06

  And it's like, and I understand the pressures and like where that's coming from.

• 22:42Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 22:42Speaker 06

  But it's also like, I'm, I'm trying to get the spinach dip.

• 22:45Speaker 05

  It's like the only reason I want to dismantle misogyny.

• 22:49Speaker 05

  Is so that I can go out with my girls and have a regular meal.

• 22:51Speaker 06

  You know what I'm saying? I'm like, I want to, I want to get the spinach dip and I want to eat it together.

• 22:55Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 22:55Speaker 06

  And now we've established a situation where you're like, oh, no, no, no, because of, because of society, you're like, I'm not touching the spinach dip, and I'm like, I don't want to eat it by myself.

• 23:03Speaker 05

  I really wronged a fat friend recently.

• 23:05Speaker 06

  Speak on it.

• 23:05Speaker 05

  I went, I was in Los Angeles Retirement Community for Young People.

• 23:08Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 23:09Speaker 05

  And I went out with my friend and we ordered the guacamole and I did ask for the chips to be replaced with vegetables.

• 23:17Speaker 05

  You die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain.

• 23:20Speaker 06

  Interesting.

• 23:21Speaker 05

  I couldn't do it.

• 23:22Speaker 06

  I didn't think we were, see?

• 23:23Speaker 05

  I couldn't do it.

• 23:24Speaker 06

  Why not?

• 23:25Speaker 05

  Because I eat too many of the chips and I can't stop and then I feel so bad.

• 23:29Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's tough.

• 23:30Speaker 05

  I need you to bring me the carrots.

• 23:31Speaker 06

  It's a, it's a, it's a whole situation with, uh, it's a whole situation, you're right.

• 23:34Speaker 05

  Cause guess what?

• 23:35Speaker 06

  It's a whole situation with tortilla chips. As a Texan, at like, who grew up in places where like the, that's just like customary. You don't even have to order the chips in the salsa, that just sort of comes with it.

• 23:43Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 23:43Speaker 06

  Once I pop, that fun don't stop, you know what I'm saying?

• 23:45Speaker 05

  It don't stop, and they bring me carrots, I'm having two and I'm done.

• 23:48Speaker 06

  Yeah, sure, sure, sure, sure, cause the carrots never really, it's not giving you that rush, it's not giving you that satisfaction.

• 23:53Speaker 05

  And you know what I will say? Chili's, Chili's does something nice for fat people. Okay, fat people who love dips.

• 24:00Speaker 06

  Sure.

• 24:00Speaker 05

  Chili's makes their chips really thin.

• 24:02Speaker 06

  They do.

• 24:03Speaker 05

  Authentic Mexican places, they're making the chips thick as fuck. So I'm having two chips and it's like, that was half a tortilla.

• 24:08Speaker 06

  Right.

• 24:09Speaker 05

  You know, but the thin little Chili's chips, now granted, they are covered in salt.

• 24:12Speaker 06

  Yeah, lots of it.

• 24:14Speaker 05

  And the sauces are 3,000 calories apiece.

• 24:16Speaker 06

  Don't even think about that.

• 24:17Speaker 05

  It's a different thing.

• 24:18Speaker 06

  Yeah, it's something else.

• 24:19Speaker 05

  I, and my fat friend looked at me like I had hurt them.

• 24:22Speaker 06

  I, I'm kinda with them on it.

• 24:23Speaker 05

  I am too.

• 24:24Speaker 06

  I'm kinda with them.

• 24:25Speaker 05

  I didn't like that I had to do it. I'm starting to think about shit.

• 24:27Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 24:27Speaker 05

  My body feels different.

• 24:28Speaker 06

  No, I get it. And it does, and then when you start making certain changes, you're like, oh, like, I actually do feel, I, I feel better.

• 24:35Speaker 05

  Yeah, we had the guacamole Caleb style.

• 24:39Speaker 06

  I can't wait to learn about other things that are done Caleb style.

• 24:42Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 24:42Speaker 06

  I'm excited about this.

• 24:43Speaker 05

  I'm excited. Everything's a branding exercise.

• 24:45Speaker 06

  Woo.

• 24:46Speaker 05

  You know, the celebrities, the lesbians, they know what I'm on.

• 24:48Speaker 06

  I still haven't named my podcast fans.

• 24:50Speaker 05

  No?

• 24:50Speaker 06

  No, we're working on it.

• 24:51Speaker 05

  I really like your podcast.

• 24:52Speaker 06

  Oh, thank you so much.

• 24:53Speaker 05

  Lowkey accused me of racism when I came on last, but.

• 24:55Speaker 06

  I believe it.

• 24:56Speaker 05

  Yeah. I stand by it.

• 24:58Speaker 06

  I believe it. Hey, and if you come on the pod, you could get accused of that as well. We'll see what kinda, it really depends on what kinda lyrics you bring me.

• 25:03Speaker 05

  Yeah. I saw you in Austin, Texas. Interview at South by Southwest. I saw you interview Randall Park.

• 25:12Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 25:12Speaker 05

  And it was a fucking delight.

• 25:14Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 25:15Speaker 05

  It was an incredible episode.

• 25:16Speaker 06

  That was so fun.

• 25:17Speaker 05

  He is, I, I was really blown away and impressed by how good he was at being a podcast guest.

• 25:22Speaker 06

  Yeah, he was awesome. He was very prepared. I'd never met him before. That was literally, that was the first time we'd ever met.

• 25:26Speaker 05

  You guys were electric.

• 25:27Speaker 06

  It was so nice. He also like, my podcast, My Favorite Lyrics, check it out if you can.

• 25:32Speaker 05

  Check it out.

• 25:32Speaker 06

  Uh, wherever you get your podcasts. Um, Randall, it's a, it's like a rap and music lyrics podcast and Randall writes his own raps, as you saw.

• 25:39Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 25:40Speaker 06

  And so like, he came with like 32 bars.

• 25:43Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 25:44Speaker 06

  You know what I'm saying?

• 25:44Speaker 05

  It went on for a long time.

• 25:45Speaker 06

  It was going on for quite some time.

• 25:47Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 25:48Speaker 06

  Maybe that's part of his 75 Randall, is he like writes.

• 25:50Speaker 05

  75 Randall.

• 25:51Speaker 06

  75 Randall.

• 25:53Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 25:53Speaker 06

  Yes, he writes.

• 25:54Speaker 05

  That's sick.

• 25:54Speaker 06

  He writes bars every day.

• 25:55Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 25:56Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 25:56Speaker 05

  Well, he must be, cause he said him for a long time.

• 25:58Speaker 06

  He did, he did. And he was also rapping, you know, just based on how somebody raps, you can tell like, you can tell their age. And I'm saying that not in like a derogatory way, I can just say like, you can tell what era they came up in. You could tell what like sort of inspired. You know, their, their style. And when I was listening to him, I was like, oh, you're, you were a teenager in the 1990s, for sure.

• 26:18Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 26:19Speaker 06

  You were, cuz you're rapping like Raekwon right now.

• 26:21Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 26:23Speaker 06

  You're rapping like, the Wu-Tang Clan meant a lot to you and you were there as it was happening.

• 26:27Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 26:27Speaker 06

  Cuz I had, I was looking back on the Wu-Tang Clan being like, oh, like, you know, it was like, cool to get into that when I was like 16.

• 26:33Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 26:34Speaker 06

  He was clearly, he was there.

• 26:35Speaker 05

  Nicki Minaj wasn't on the scene when you started.

• 26:37Speaker 06

  No.

• 26:37Speaker 05

  And there is a clear delineation. Sorry to invoke Nicki. She just changed a lot for a lot of people.

• 26:42Speaker 06

  Sure.

• 26:42Speaker 05

  Now, we're obviously not listening to her about a lot of things. But Nicki, to me, there's a really clear moment where Nicki Minaj started rapping and everything shifted in a way.

• 26:50Speaker 06

  Sure, sure, sure, sure.

• 26:52Speaker 05

  And Randall wasn't there for that.

• 26:53Speaker 06

  No, I think if he was, he was looking at it with his arms crossed.

• 26:58Speaker 06

  You know what I mean? Like, I do think he was present when it was happening, but he was like, oh, these kids in there. Yeah, he was like, he was doing that.

• 27:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 27:06Speaker 06

  Yeah, he wasn't happy when the BBLs came on the scene.

• 27:12Speaker 05

  What's up, you guys? It's Caleb, Gen Z correspondent here. This episode is brought to you by Booking.com. Booking.com offers a wide array of hotels and vacation rentals across the US, so you can find exactly what you're booking for.

• 27:28Speaker 05

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• 27:41Speaker 05

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• 28:28Speaker 05

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• 28:59Speaker 05

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• 29:40Speaker 05

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• 30:24Speaker 05

  Parenthood Health Centers have reported that fewer patients are getting basic care like breast exams and STI tests since the Trump administration and their backers defunded Planned Parenthood. Patients shouldn't suffer because of their laws. Our communities deserve better. To get involved, text UPDATE to 22422.

• 30:48Speaker 00

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• 31:17Speaker 01

  Ugh, I hate Mondays.

• 31:19Speaker 02

  King's Hawaiian Cinnamon Swirl Bite?

• 31:20Speaker 01

  Uh, Taylor Hansen? Sure, I'll try one. Mmm.

• 31:26Speaker 03

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• 31:28Speaker 01

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• 31:32Speaker 03

  Taylor Hansen? Nice.

• 31:34Speaker 02

  Try one.

• 31:35Speaker 03

  Mmm.

• 31:39Speaker 07

  King's Hawaiian Cinnamon Bites. There's nothing like it.

• 31:47Speaker 04

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• 32:20Speaker 05

  Would you ever get a BBL?

• 32:21Speaker 06

  Man.

• 32:24Speaker 06

  What a question.

• 32:26Speaker 05

  A Devon BBL?

• 32:26Speaker 06

  Honestly, you can't, you, honestly, people don't, people don't know this because the, because it's just like stylistically, we're in a place where all the pants are really big, but I got some cake.

• 32:34Speaker 05

  Really?

• 32:34Speaker 06

  Yeah, I got cake.

• 32:35Speaker 05

  Damn.

• 32:36Speaker 06

  Yeah, so it's, I feel, you know what I'm saying? I'm built, lower, lower half, I'm built like my mom, so it's like...

• 32:41Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 32:41Speaker 06

  We're set.

• 32:42Speaker 05

  Shout out to her.

• 32:43Speaker 06

  Shout out, shout out my mama, for real.

• 32:44Speaker 05

  Shout out to your mom.

• 32:45Speaker 06

  Shout out to my mom.

• 32:46Speaker 05

  For real.

• 32:46Speaker 06

  Shout out to your mom as well. I hope to meet her one day.

• 32:48Speaker 05

  Shout out to my mom. You and my mom will have a very fun time.

• 32:50Speaker 06

  I believe that. She seems like a blast.

• 32:52Speaker 05

  My mom is a lot more fun than I am.

• 32:53Speaker 06

  Oh, sure.

• 32:54Speaker 05

  Don't chance laugh too hard at that. But, yeah. But yeah, she's a lot of fun.

• 32:59Speaker 06

  I feel like, does your mom, does your mom drink?

• 33:02Speaker 05

  Everybody...

• 33:09Speaker 05

  Yeah, he's right about that.

• 33:12Speaker 06

  I asked if Caleb's mom drinks and then Chance just goes, "Ooh."

• 33:19Speaker 05

  That woman?

• 33:19Speaker 06

  Oh, does she ever.

• 33:20Speaker 05

  She would drink a frat house under the table.

• 33:22Speaker 06

  Oh, my God. Yeah, we would have a blast.

• 33:25Speaker 05

  She's a lot of fun. My mom's a party. She's way more fun than I am. She's a blast.

• 33:28Speaker 06

  Sure, sure, sure, sure. All right.

• 33:30Speaker 05

  At my last benefit show, she was super drunk in Kansas. She was super drunk in the front row and I gave her the mic for two seconds and I said, "Mom," you know, I'm thinking we'll have like a cute mother-son moment. I hand her the mic, think she'll say something sweet. I go, "Mom, how you doing tonight?" She goes, "What's up, bitches?" I said, "Go ahead and give me it back." "Go ahead and give me it back." That's not how we're gonna-

• 33:48Speaker 06

  You think she's gonna be like, "Look at how much money we raised for the hospital."

• 33:50Speaker 05

  I thought it was gonna be sweet. Like, I thought it was gonna be something cute, you know, like a mom thing.

• 33:54Speaker 06

  "All these kids are saved now."

• 33:55Speaker 05

  "What's up, bitches?" All right, give it back. Give it back.

• 33:59Speaker 06

  "Ma, ma, ma, ma, ma."

• 34:01Speaker 05

  Give me the mic.

• 34:02Speaker 06

  Come on, we can't do that, mama.

• 34:03Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 34:03Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 34:04Speaker 05

  She also, yeah, she's doing way too much with my fans.

• 34:07Speaker 06

  Oh, is she involved? Is your mom online?

• 34:09Speaker 05

  Sure, she's online. She's on, she's meeting my fans out at the bar and taking them back to her house to hang out.

• 34:13Speaker 06

  What?

• 34:14Speaker 05

  She's like, "Why don't we continue this back at my place?" I'm like, "Why don't we not invite people that you don't know back to the house?"

• 34:19Speaker 06

  No, please don't do that.

• 34:21Speaker 05

  Yeah, really scary stuff.

• 34:22Speaker 06

  If y'all are listening, stop going to Caleb's mama house. You're not supposed to be over there.

• 34:25Speaker 05

  Stop.

• 34:26Speaker 06

  You're not supposed to be over there. Some of y'all who are listening, y'all been to Caleb mama house. Shame on you.

• 34:30Speaker 05

  Stop.

• 34:30Speaker 06

  That's not where you're supposed to be. You need to go back to your establishment, hang out with people in your age bracket.

• 34:34Speaker 05

  If you see my mom at a dive bar in Lee's Summit, Missouri, you, you hang out with her there very briefly.

• 34:40Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 34:41Speaker 05

  And then you make sure she gets home safe without accompanying her.

• 34:43Speaker 06

  That's right.

• 34:44Speaker 05

  She, she's going back to school right now.

• 34:45Speaker 06

  For what?

• 34:46Speaker 05

  She's got more nurse.

• 34:47Speaker 06

  What?

• 34:47Speaker 05

  She could become more of a nurse.

• 34:49Speaker 06

  What?

• 34:49Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 34:49Speaker 06

  How much more of a nurse can you be?

• 34:50Speaker 05

  They're gonna make her more of a nurse.

• 34:51Speaker 06

  How many levels of nurse are there? I know there's regular nurse and there's like nurse prac.

• 34:54Speaker 05

  There's like, uh, LPN.

• 34:56Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 34:57Speaker 05

  RN, uh, there's like BSN, I think. I think she's getting her BSN right now. And then you could just keep going at nurse forever. They have many, many nurses.

• 35:05Speaker 06

  This is brand new information to me.

• 35:07Speaker 05

  Yeah, nurses are, nurses can really be different kinds of nurses.

• 35:10Speaker 06

  What kind of nurse is she right now?

• 35:11Speaker 05

  She's an RN.

• 35:12Speaker 06

  Oh, and she about to level up nurse-wise?

• 35:14Speaker 05

  She's about to go BSN mode on him.

• 35:15Speaker 06

  Retire?

• 35:16Speaker 05

  Yes. My mom, my mom and I, I I'm constantly asking her, this is so funny. I've been asking her for like three years. Where do you want to go in the world? Like, what do you want to do? I'll take you. Where do you want to, what do you want to do? You want to go to Spain? For a week? Do you want to like, do you want to go to fucking Tokyo? And what, what do you want to do? And she's always like, oh, I just, I'm, I'm happy here. I like it here. I'm like, no, we gotta. This is, come on, man. Like, you know what I mean? Let's go do stuff. And then finally, like two months ago. She goes, I've been thinking about your question about what I want to do. And I think maybe we could do 23 and me. And then, which I'm like, god damn it. She's like, we could do 23 and me. And then when we find out where we're from. We could go to there. And I'm like, first of all, we're not going to be from somewhere interesting.

• 36:01Speaker 05

  Second of all, we're probably going to learn some shit we don't want to know.

• 36:03Speaker 06

  Sure.

• 36:04Speaker 05

  Cause all white people in the Midwest are like, I think there's some Native American in there. There's something else in there. And I don't want to be involved with it. I don't know. I'm, I'm, so I'm, I'm guess we're gonna do 23 and me.

• 36:17Speaker 06

  Oh, that's not.

• 36:18Speaker 05

  I don't want to do it.

• 36:18Speaker 06

  That's not like a trip.

• 36:19Speaker 05

  I don't want to do it. Well, no, we're gonna do it. And then we're gonna find out where we're from. And then we're gonna go to there.

• 36:23Speaker 06

  I see.

• 36:24Speaker 05

  So it's gonna be like, you're 13% Czechoslovakian. And then we're gonna, I guess we're gonna go there.

• 36:28Speaker 06

  Czech Republic?

• 36:28Speaker 05

  I guess. This is what she, this is all I can get her to do.

• 36:31Speaker 06

  Yeah. What do you think is in there?

• 36:34Speaker 05

  I don't want to know.

• 36:35Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 36:36Speaker 05

  I am scared. We are straight up white people.

• 36:38Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't think there was no, you didn't, you didn't, cause you know, like some white people have like one picture of their grandpa and he kind of had like. He had like a little texture in his situation.

• 36:47Speaker 05

  It's not like.

• 36:48Speaker 06

  And they'll be like, oh, like.

• 36:49Speaker 05

  It's not like that for us.

• 36:50Speaker 06

  Great, great grandfather was half a slave, like that kind of thing.

• 36:53Speaker 05

  I don't think it's gonna happen. I think best case scenario.

• 36:57Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 36:58Speaker 05

  Best case, we find out that there was, way back, maybe we're from some cool white people who did some cool stuff.

• 37:02Speaker 06

  Oh, sure, sure, sure.

• 37:03Speaker 05

  Who were maybe like, maybe they were some of the white people that were like, we're not really down with everything that's going on.

• 37:07Speaker 06

  Oh, they were fighting back against what was going on.

• 37:10Speaker 05

  Case.

• 37:10Speaker 06

  That's what you have to hope.

• 37:12Speaker 05

  Biggest case, we find out we were involved.

• 37:15Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 37:19Speaker 05

  In the stuff.

• 37:20Speaker 06

  Yeah, biggest case y'all were leading the charge on some of the stuff.

• 37:23Speaker 05

  Biggest case we were innovating in the space.

• 37:25Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 37:26Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 37:26Speaker 06

  Sir Archibald Heron was on one of the first, one of the first ships over and guess who came with him?

• 37:34Speaker 05

  Yeah, he wasn't doing stuff alone.

• 37:36Speaker 06

  A lot of guys and they were not his friends and family.

• 37:40Speaker 06

  It's a guy who looked just like him.

• 37:43Speaker 05

  It's gonna be like my exact face, but he's got like a mustache. Like fucking Forrest Gump.

• 37:47Speaker 06

  Yeah, he's got a, he's got a mustache and he's got like an African that he's grabbing by the wrist.

• 37:55Speaker 06

  Just out of frame.

• 37:56Speaker 05

  By the wrist. By the wrist. That was slavery. He was like, get over here.

• 38:01Speaker 06

  Come on.

• 38:02Speaker 05

  Devin, come on. Do you remember that in Forrest Gump when they randomly decided to make his family the Klan?

• 38:07Speaker 06

  No.

• 38:08Speaker 05

  Do you remember that?

• 38:08Speaker 06

  There's so many little pockets, because like, I saw Forrest Gump a lot of times, but I feel like I mainly saw it from it being on TV. So I, and you know, they condensed, they condensed that version.

• 38:18Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 38:19Speaker 06

  And so it's like, I feel like they cut out a lot of the stuff that's like the, the, like the thing about his mom fucking the principal. So he could like, get into his school.

• 38:27Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 38:27Speaker 06

  Which also, I was talking to my buddy about this and my buddy was like, yeah, it's really funny because of the school that his mom like, fucks the principal for him to get into is a public school.

• 38:35Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 38:37Speaker 06

  You didn't need admission.

• 38:38Speaker 05

  Crazy. Crazy.

• 38:39Speaker 06

  You didn't need admission, you didn't have to. So it's like, she just kinda, I don't know.

• 38:43Speaker 05

  I very specifically remember seeing Forrest Gump for the first time as a kid and being really confused when she was talking to that guy.

• 38:48Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 38:49Speaker 05

  And he was like, yeah, Mr. Gump, Ms. Gump. And I was like, why'd he say it like that? I remember watching as a kid and being like, why the fuck did he say it like that? That was a normal question. And then when they were doing the, the screaming sex thing, I didn't know they were having sex. I was like, what the fuck is going on?

• 39:03Speaker 06

  Sure.

• 39:04Speaker 05

  But yeah, there's a moment in Forrest Gump where he just, Forrest, I mean, Forrest is so, you know, he doesn't really understand stuff.

• 39:10Speaker 06

  Right.

• 39:10Speaker 05

  So he goes like, my great grandpa liked to dress up in sheets and ride horses. It's just like, what? They legitimately, they legitimately do that.

• 39:20Speaker 06

  You could have, his, his grandfather could have did anything.

• 39:22Speaker 05

  Anything.

• 39:23Speaker 06

  They could have gave him any type of job. He could have been the milkman.

• 39:26Speaker 05

  Could have been awesome.

• 39:26Speaker 06

  You know what I'm saying?

• 39:27Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 39:27Speaker 06

  He could have been doing like nice stuff. He could have been giving back to the community.

• 39:30Speaker 05

  No sheets, no horses.

• 39:31Speaker 06

  Like Native American reservations and like teaching classes and stuff like that.

• 39:34Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 39:35Speaker 06

  Nah, nah, he was in the Klan.

• 39:37Speaker 05

  Yeah. And then they show like, like old timey footage of like Forrest Gump. It's like Tom Hanks in like a mustache and he like pulls down his hood and like rides off on a horse. And then they move on in the movie.

• 39:46Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 39:47Speaker 05

  It's crazy.

• 39:48Speaker 06

  And that's what your fear for love.

• 39:49Speaker 05

  That's what 23andMe will do to me.

• 39:50Speaker 06

  Your lineage.

• 39:51Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 39:51Speaker 06

  Sure. How, how long has your family been in Missouri?

• 39:54Speaker 05

  I don't know.

• 39:55Speaker 06

  Hmm.

• 39:56Speaker 05

  We stay out of that kind of stuff.

• 39:58Speaker 06

  That's when you get into a sticky situation.

• 39:59Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 40:00Speaker 06

  That's when you get into a sticky situation. Cause it's like, Missouri?

• 40:03Speaker 05

  I'm scared.

• 40:04Speaker 06

  I already know what was going down over there.

• 40:05Speaker 05

  There were a lot of cool white people in Missouri, Devin.

• 40:07Speaker 06

  Well.

• 40:08Speaker 05

  The border wars.

• 40:08Speaker 06

  And I'm not saying there, I'm not saying that there weren't a lot of cool white people. It's just a real coin flip as to were those your people?

• 40:14Speaker 05

  I know it.

• 40:15Speaker 06

  You know what I mean?

• 40:16Speaker 05

  I'm scared to give the place my saliva.

• 40:17Speaker 06

  I'm praying for you. Well, and also that was my, my dad got really into 23andMe like seven or eight years ago. And I was just like, hey, well, so dad, where does this spit go? And he was like, to the, to the people, the 23andMe people. And I was like, yeah, but.

• 40:29Speaker 05

  Who owns them?

• 40:30Speaker 06

  But yeah, I'm like, yeah, what, who's that tied into? And we never got to the bottom of it and God knows, they probably, who knows what they know about me?

• 40:36Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'm scared.

• 40:37Speaker 06

  Yeah, I spit in the thing.

• 40:38Speaker 05

  You spit the thing for your dad?

• 40:39Speaker 06

  I spit in the thing. Hey, yo.

• 40:41Speaker 05

  Older people, older people are really into this.

• 40:43Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. They do. They like to know, they like to know their lineage. I think that's the thing. In the same way that we're now in our 30s and we're getting into stretching.

• 40:50Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 40:51Speaker 06

  Because we're thinking about like the, you know, the, the, the, the finality of our bodies and stuff like that.

• 40:55Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 40:56Speaker 06

  Uh, I think that's old, I think there hits a point maybe when you're in your 50s or 60s where you're like, I gotta know where I came from.

• 41:01Speaker 05

  Where'd I come from? Yeah. I know where I'm headed.

• 41:04Speaker 06

  Exactly.

• 41:04Speaker 05

  How'd I get here?

• 41:05Speaker 06

  Exactly.

• 41:05Speaker 05

  Well, I don't know if I've asked you this before. I forget if we talked about this last time you were on. God, yes or no? What are you doing with God?

• 41:10Speaker 06

  Great question.

• 41:15Speaker 06

  Is this something y'all talk about on the podcast?

• 41:17Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 41:17Speaker 06

  Oh, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. I would say, man, I think I've oscillated. I grew up super, super Christian, which I think you did as well, right?

• 41:24Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 41:24Speaker 06

  Youth group and all that.

• 41:25Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 41:26Speaker 06

  And, but I never, I didn't really like it. Like, I didn't enjoy, I didn't enjoy the church part of church.

• 41:32Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 41:32Speaker 06

  I liked the part of the church. I don't know if you ever, did you ever go to like church summer camp?

• 41:35Speaker 05

  Of course.

• 41:36Speaker 06

  Did you ever go to church summer camp and like they, I kind of was going for the water slides?

• 41:39Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 41:40Speaker 06

  And I was so excited about the water slides and they'd be like,

• 41:44Speaker 06

  three hour service.

• 41:45Speaker 05

  No.

• 41:45Speaker 06

  Three hour service and then you can get on the water slide.

• 41:48Speaker 05

  I can't believe y'all got water slides.

• 41:49Speaker 06

  Uh, do we, the last time I was on here, did we talk about the camp, the, the summer camp I went to in Missouri?

• 41:53Speaker 05

  Yes, we did.

• 41:54Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 41:54Speaker 05

  Yes, we did.

• 41:54Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 41:55Speaker 05

  We did not get water slides. We went to Tennessee and like, we like built some woman a house.

• 41:59Speaker 06

  What? Oh, sure, sure, sure. We did stuff like that.

• 42:01Speaker 05

  It was not fun at all.

• 42:02Speaker 06

  In like Mexico.

• 42:03Speaker 05

  And then my pastor washed my feet. That was a real turn off for me.

• 42:07Speaker 06

  Oh, sure.

• 42:07Speaker 05

  That was a real turn off for me. I didn't like that.

• 42:10Speaker 06

  Sure, but it probably did something really awesome for him.

• 42:12Speaker 05

  He was like, I'm a servant. I was like, you don't have to be, brother.

• 42:14Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 42:14Speaker 05

  Stand up.

• 42:15Speaker 06

  You know, the washing the feet, that's a big part of the.

• 42:17Speaker 05

  I don't like it.

• 42:17Speaker 06

  You know, that's like Jesus was.

• 42:19Speaker 05

  Yeah, I know why he did it, but I was like.

• 42:22Speaker 06

  But you just didn't enjoy it as it was happening.

• 42:23Speaker 05

  You're a grown man and a leader in the community. I need you to unhand my foot.

• 42:26Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 42:26Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 42:27Speaker 06

  Also, it's like.

• 42:28Speaker 05

  Scary.

• 42:28Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 42:29Speaker 05

  But today, present day.

• 42:30Speaker 06

  Present day.

• 42:31Speaker 05

  Water slides aside.

• 42:32Speaker 06

  God, I would say, I would say I'm leaning yes. I, I would say I'm leaning yes, God.

• 42:37Speaker 05

  That's big.

• 42:38Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 42:38Speaker 05

  I like that. Christian God.

• 42:40Speaker 06

  Uh, yeah.

• 42:40Speaker 05

  Nice.

• 42:41Speaker 06

  It's just, it's just because that's the one I grew up with, you know?

• 42:43Speaker 05

  That's your guy.

• 42:43Speaker 06

  You know what I mean?

• 42:44Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 42:44Speaker 06

  It's just like, it's like, in the same way I'm an Eagles fan, it's just like, well, that's what they were giving me at the house.

• 42:50Speaker 06

  It's not like I didn't actively, so it's like now as an adult, I've sort of grandfathered into Christian God.

• 42:55Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 42:55Speaker 06

  Uh, I guess I could look into some other ones, but I just haven't yet. Shout out to everybody's God, whoever y'all got.

• 42:59Speaker 05

  Shout out to all gods.

• 43:00Speaker 06

  Yeah, whatever you got going on.

• 43:01Speaker 05

  You think man in the sky? You think physical man?

• 43:04Speaker 06

  No, no, no. It was never, it was never man in the sky. I think, I don't know. I don't know how much I've interrogated my relationship with God as a, as an adult, as a grown up, but I do think that it like, I do think that, I do like to think that there is like a. A greater plan to all this, I think it comforts me, whether or not it's true, who's to say?

• 43:22Speaker 05

  Who cares?

• 43:22Speaker 06

  But it like does, it does make me feel good to like know and like put my prayers and thoughts out into something and like, hope that that manifests into something positive in my life.

• 43:32Speaker 05

  Yeah, I've gotten so bored of correct, I don't care about.

• 43:35Speaker 06

  Yeah, I don't know what's actually going on, but it does, in this world, you gotta find comfort where you can.

• 43:40Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 43:40Speaker 06

  You know what I mean with everything? And it's like, yeah, that does, it like feels nice to me to like feel like I have like a relationship with God.

• 43:46Speaker 05

  You can be right and lonely and sad and scared, or you can be, uh, wrong and happy and comfortable, I'll take the second one.

• 43:52Speaker 06

  Wait, where are you at, God, yes or no?

• 43:54Speaker 05

  Oh, sure.

• 43:54Speaker 06

  Yeah?

• 43:55Speaker 05

  Oh, sure, I think so. I mean, man in the sky, no, uh, but I'm down with, I, what I think is no hell. I don't believe in hell, I really don't.

• 44:03Speaker 06

  I hope, I mean, I hope not.

• 44:05Speaker 05

  I just don't get, I think, I think every, I think maybe I could understand nothing happening, that makes a lot of sense to me.

• 44:10Speaker 06

  Sure.

• 44:11Speaker 05

  I could understand everyone getting to go to a good place. I cannot make sense of eternal suffering for absolutely anything. I don't think there's anything you could do on earth that would warrant eternal suffering.

• 44:21Speaker 06

  Nothing.

• 44:22Speaker 05

  Nothing.

• 44:23Speaker 06

  Wow.

• 44:23Speaker 05

  There are horrible, horrible things you can do and you shouldn't. But eternity, to me is like, that doesn't, I, that just doesn't clock, there's nothing equivalent.

• 44:32Speaker 06

  Sure.

• 44:33Speaker 05

  I don't think eternity makes any sense to me, I wouldn't, I wouldn't wish eternity on the worst person you can think of. I would wish very bad things.

• 44:40Speaker 06

  Sure.

• 44:41Speaker 05

  Whi- which is bad of me.

• 44:43Speaker 06

  So it's like, in, in your, it would kind of be nice in your mind if there was like, if you could sentence someone to like, to hell like prison, where you could be like, alright, so you got eight, you did X, Y, and Z, you get eight years in hell.

• 44:54Speaker 05

  I don't know.

• 44:54Speaker 06

  And then after eight years, then you can get out and you can go somewhere else. How does that sound to you?

• 45:00Speaker 05

  I don't, I would be down with it if that's what God wants, I guess.

• 45:02Speaker 06

  Four years in hell for?

• 45:03Speaker 05

  For, you serve a little hell.

• 45:05Speaker 06

  You know what I mean? You do a little hell because you did some hell on earth.

• 45:07Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 45:08Speaker 06

  And then you do a little bit of hell and then you get to, you do your time.

• 45:10Speaker 05

  You know, I've said this before, and this makes me sound really bad.

• 45:13Speaker 06

  Can't wait.

• 45:14Speaker 05

  But I think if man in the sky, Christian God, like really the way they've talked about it turns out to be real, I low-key believe that when I get to the gates, no matter what, I think I could win him over.

• 45:26Speaker 06

  I don't doubt that.

• 45:27Speaker 05

  I think I could make my case.

• 45:28Speaker 06

  I don't doubt that about you.

• 45:29Speaker 05

  I think he would be like, you were supposed to, uh, confess that my son died on the cross for your sins while you were on earth, and I'm, I'm, I could be like. That's seriously my bad.

• 45:40Speaker 05

  I really.

• 45:40Speaker 06

  Hey, Big Dog, that's on me.

• 45:41Speaker 05

  I really admit that I fucked up on that part. But I really did try to do good and be good to people. And I think you play my tapes, you can see my work.

• 45:49Speaker 06

  Yes, and to me, that's, I don't know. That, that version of it seems so much more realistic than the version of it than, than we got sold. Or at least the version that I got sold when I was a kid.

• 45:58Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 45:58Speaker 06

  Which was truly like, I don't know. I feel like I've, I feel like I still have residual shame from like the type of shit that they were doing. They were always like, did you ever go to one of those like church services where like a guy who used to play like college football? Like comes and talks to you?

• 46:12Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 46:12Speaker 06

  Did you ever have, this is very classic if you grew up Christian. And I remember being a kid, being like, maybe like 10, and we had like a spring break church thing. And they brought a guy in, he used to play like, like wide receiver at like Texas Tech.

• 46:26Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 46:26Speaker 06

  And he was like a high school hot shot. And he came in and he was like, man, I remember, you know, I remember I was like the number one recruit in the country and I had a D1 scholarship. And I was hooking up with a different woman every single night. And I had a motorcycle and I like, you know, and I, you know, I was getting cash under the, and I remember hearing, he was saying this like it was a bad thing. And I remember hearing all that stuff and being like, man, that life sounds awesome.

• 46:46Speaker 05

  Yeah, fuck yeah.

• 46:48Speaker 06

  That sounds fucking sick. What do I gotta do to live like that?

• 46:51Speaker 05

  I'm kinda interested in sin.

• 46:52Speaker 06

  Yeah, and I'm like, I don't really know if I'm rocking with what you got going on right now. So what do you do right now? You sell insurance?

• 46:59Speaker 05

  And you come here?

• 47:00Speaker 06

  You sell insurance and you go to church gymnasiums to talk to kids? That's, that's less, that's less fun to me.

• 47:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 47:05Speaker 06

  And so I don't know, I feel like I was always sort of sold this version of like, alright, well, you gotta have like boring fun if you wanna, you gotta, you gotta have like boring fun. You gotta like not do trick or treating if you're gonna be a Christian. And I feel like that version of it, I like really reject as an adult.

• 47:19Speaker 05

  Well, yeah, it started to really not make sense to me when they were, it was just very inconsistent that they were like, they would say these big, beautiful, grandiose things. Like they'd be like, God is all-knowing and all-powerful and created the universe out of nothing.

• 47:31Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 47:31Speaker 05

  And also, he's jealous.

• 47:33Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 47:37Speaker 05

  And I'd be like, what? He can't overcome jealousy? And I'm supposed to like give up my life? I just felt like, I don't know, my guy might not be jealous.

• 47:47Speaker 06

  That can't be. Because if he is, then he can't be as grandiose as you're describing.

• 47:51Speaker 05

  He gets mad and punishes. It's like, I don't, he's no better than like a dad who like watches football. I just, I don't, it doesn't make sense to me.

• 47:58Speaker 06

  Which one is it? It can't be both.

• 48:00Speaker 05

  He can't be, he can't be, he can't be the originator of all beauty in the universe and also be like mad at you for little things that you've done.

• 48:09Speaker 06

  And also be mad if you jerked off when you were 13.

• 48:12Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'm like, no.

• 48:13Speaker 06

  It's gotta.

• 48:14Speaker 05

  It doesn't make any sense.

• 48:19Speaker 05

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• 49:28Speaker 05

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• 51:00Speaker 06

  I remember very, in terms, in terms of sex, when I remember like, you know, obviously like they were always like, being like no porn and no sex. And I remember I was just like, ah, well, even at my most Christian, I was like, well, I'm just not going to listen to this stuff. I'm just like, I'm just gonna reject it. And if that means hell for me, then I guess, I guess I'll go out with a smile on my face.

• 51:22Speaker 05

  The rest of it sounds good, but I am going to play with my shit.

• 51:25Speaker 06

  Yeah, I'm gonna be having a good time when my parents go to sleep on the, on the family computer. I'm gonna be on the family computer uploading all sorts of images.

• 51:36Speaker 05

  Cause it's like. My playlists are gonna be good.

• 51:38Speaker 06

  Yeah, cause it's like, we only got one live. My parents were very like, yeah, they were very like, my dad was like, I don't want you listening to no like, music with no like cuss words and like talking about this and talking about that. And I was like, no, I'm just like, no.

• 51:51Speaker 05

  I'm doing that stuff.

• 51:51Speaker 06

  I'm gonna do that stuff. I just never, I don't know, I just never bought into the like really restrictive version of Christianity. It just like never. Just never clicked for me. I was just like, I just don't know how much time I got left. I can't live as boring as y'all are describing you want life to be. I can't do it.

• 52:05Speaker 05

  It's not for me. I will say though, look, the constant question like that I think you have to ask yourself when you were raised religious and you turn out a good person is like, well, I don't know. It kind of seems like it all worked out. Like I look at, there's so many things I learned in religion as a kid that I'm like, that was fucked up and really traumatized me. But then overall, I really think I turned into a, I'm turned into a person that I'm proud of.

• 52:26Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 52:26Speaker 05

  And I'm like, oof, well, fuck, I guess it kind of.

• 52:29Speaker 06

  Oh, I guess it stuck.

• 52:30Speaker 05

  Do you know what I mean? It's like something worked. I don't know.

• 52:32Speaker 06

  Maybe. Who's, I mean, who's to say?

• 52:34Speaker 05

  Maybe without it, it still would have worked, but I don't know.

• 52:36Speaker 06

  Who's to say? Yeah, I don't, yeah, I guess chicken or the egg, but like, I don't know. I'd have to imagine you wouldn't have ended up like a piece of shit. I can't have to imagine.

• 52:45Speaker 05

  We'll never know.

• 52:46Speaker 06

  Yeah, I guess we won't.

• 52:47Speaker 05

  We'll never know. I'm not saying there aren't, there are good people that weren't raised religious, sure. But I'm just saying, for me, I'll never know because it was part of my thing.

• 52:55Speaker 06

  You, you want to have a family. You were talking about this.

• 52:57Speaker 05

  I do.

• 52:58Speaker 06

  You want to have a family. Do, would you, would you raise your kids Christian?

• 53:01Speaker 05

  No, I'll raise my kids universalist unitarian. Yeah, well, I, I'm, I love the UU church. I think it's so fucking cool. And it's no dogma and it's people of all different kinds of faiths and it's kind of, it's really is shout out to everybody's God. Like it is like, yeah, there's Muslim people there. There's Jewish people there. Um, I really like UU and I think it's so community centered and cool. Um, yeah, I'll, I'll have my kids in something though. I can't, I'm, I'm, I've got baby fever right now. Bad.

• 53:26Speaker 06

  Really?

• 53:27Speaker 05

  Bad.

• 53:28Speaker 06

  Have you thought about like, what's, what's, what route are you going for baby?

• 53:31Speaker 05

  I'm gonna take a couple of them.

• 53:33Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 53:33Speaker 05

  I want to take a couple of them.

• 53:34Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 53:34Speaker 05

  I want to have like three, four kids.

• 53:36Speaker 06

  Whoa.

• 53:36Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 53:37Speaker 06

  Oh my God.

• 53:37Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 53:38Speaker 06

  And it's like, are you going, are you going straight up, you going straight up adoption? Or are you like, you having a surrogate? What's the, what's the vibes?

• 53:44Speaker 05

  Uh, surrogacy, I have questions about. I need to do some research. I still don't fully understand the ethics of surrogacy and like, which is no shade to anybody. I just have heard differing opinions. So I don't know. Maybe what I, here's my ideal. Yes, I'm going to adopt a couple of kids. Couple of kids out there that need a home, they're going to hit the, they're going to hit the lottery. They're going to end up, they're going to end up with a real cool gay guy.

• 54:04Speaker 06

  Yeah, sure, sure, sure.

• 54:05Speaker 05

  They're gonna have a lot of fun. We're gonna really hang out and have a good time. And I'm gonna, I'm gonna get them lots of gifts and toys and cool shit. They're gonna have a good time being my kid. Okay? I'll adopt some kids. No worries. And then what would be ideal is if I find a gay man that I want to spend my life with and he feels the same way. We'll call that step number one. All right, we are still in the R and D phase of that.

• 54:26Speaker 06

  Are you open to being a single dad?

• 54:27Speaker 05

  Absolutely not. Hell fucking no. Hell fucking no. No way.

• 54:34Speaker 06

  Sure.

• 54:35Speaker 05

  Someone's doing this with me. I don't care how, if I, I'll settle.

• 54:39Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 54:40Speaker 05

  No, I won't, no, I won't, no.

• 54:40Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 54:41Speaker 05

  But.

• 54:48Speaker 05

  No, no, no, no, no, no, David, I won't do it.

• 54:50Speaker 06

  Cool, and I won't make you.

• 54:51Speaker 05

  I won't do it, I won't do it.

• 54:52Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 54:53Speaker 05

  But, me and this gay guy.

• 54:55Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 54:55Speaker 05

  Okay, or bi guy, or queer guy, whatever his deal is, no worries, I'm open. This guy who's really into me, his sexuality, he really should be Caleb sexual.

• 55:03Speaker 06

  Of course.

• 55:04Speaker 05

  You know?

• 55:04Speaker 06

  Caleb sexual, he should be on his Caleb 75.

• 55:06Speaker 05

  He wants to be on Caleb's, he wants to be on Caleb life.

• 55:08Speaker 06

  Right, of course.

• 55:09Speaker 05

  So, me and this guy, we find two lesbians that really, really want to kind of go in split style on a baby.

• 55:19Speaker 06

  I see, and so then as a unit, you would all be co-parenting?

• 55:24Speaker 05

  The four of us have a couple.

• 55:26Speaker 06

  Oh, that's nice.

• 55:26Speaker 05

  He gives one of them pregnant, I get one of them pregnant, I get the other one pregnant next time, he gets the other one pregnant, and then we all just have a couple of kids that we're just kind of, we're all raising the kids.

• 55:34Speaker 06

  So now, I mean, now, in, in, in this version of it, it sounds like you have like six kids.

• 55:38Speaker 05

  Well, I could do, yeah, I could do up to seven.

• 55:41Speaker 06

  Oh, my god.

• 55:42Speaker 05

  Minimum, I think, minimum three, maximum seven. If there's a couple lesbians involved in the mix. If there's no lesbians, I'm out on seven.

• 55:50Speaker 06

  Sure, because you're gonna need to be able to trade some of these little guys off.

• 55:53Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'm not going seven without the lesbians.

• 55:54Speaker 06

  Yeah, one, you know, one of them homies gonna have some behavioral issues, and you're gonna have to.

• 55:59Speaker 05

  You go to mom's house.

• 56:00Speaker 06

  You gonna need to go over there.

• 56:01Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 56:01Speaker 06

  I'm not, I can't even look at you right now, you going to your mom's house.

• 56:03Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 56:04Speaker 06

  Sure.

• 56:05Speaker 05

  And so I'll do seven with the lesbians, no lesbians, I'm out on seven, I could cap it at four.

• 56:09Speaker 06

  Three or four?

• 56:10Speaker 05

  Three or four without the lesbians.

• 56:11Speaker 06

  Oh my god, you're living like our ancestors, for real.

• 56:14Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 56:14Speaker 06

  Four to seven kids.

• 56:15Speaker 05

  I'm interested.

• 56:16Speaker 06

  Oh.

• 56:16Speaker 05

  It'd be fun, dude.

• 56:18Speaker 06

  God, you better, brother, you better get started.

• 56:20Speaker 05

  One is crazy.

• 56:20Speaker 06

  You better, you better go ahead and load up.

• 56:22Speaker 05

  I'm, I'm ready.

• 56:23Speaker 06

  You better.

• 56:24Speaker 05

  I'm ready.

• 56:25Speaker 06

  Interesting, who, who, who are you looking for?

• 56:27Speaker 05

  Uh, in a man?

• 56:28Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 56:29Speaker 05

  Oh, god. I'm, well, I've been kind of looking at everybody.

• 56:33Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 56:34Speaker 05

  I'm really.

• 56:34Speaker 06

  I've seen, I've met a few of your.

• 56:36Speaker 05

  My mind is open.

• 56:37Speaker 06

  Yeah, I've met a few of your.

• 56:38Speaker 05

  You can attest, I don't have a type.

• 56:40Speaker 06

  That's, uh, that's, I haven't met that many, but I feel like of the ones that I've met, I'd say there's slightly a theme.

• 56:46Speaker 05

  What's the theme?

• 56:50Speaker 05

  What's the, I'm genuinely asking, what's the theme? Because I don't remember who you've met.

• 56:57Speaker 06

  It's black, black guys.

• 56:58Speaker 05

  No! No, that's not true. Sure, I did a lot of black guys, but I'm dating lots of other guys as well.

• 57:05Speaker 06

  I didn't say exclusively, I'm just saying of, of, of what I've known, of what I've been familiar with.

• 57:11Speaker 05

  I just.

• 57:11Speaker 06

  I haven't seen everyone that you've been involved with.

• 57:13Speaker 05

  I just want the listeners to know, if you are a gay black man, yes, of course. Give me a call.

• 57:19Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 57:19Speaker 05

  But if you are a gay man who isn't black, you also could maybe get in the situation.

• 57:22Speaker 06

  Maybe. See, there's a skepticism in there.

• 57:26Speaker 06

  You're, you're hearing it. You're hearing, he said, he said, if you're black, ring my line. Ring my line, I'm available right now. If you something else, we'll have a conversation.

• 57:34Speaker 05

  Well, what?

• 57:34Speaker 06

  Send us your resume and your cover letter and we'll look over everything and then we'll see where we land.

• 57:38Speaker 05

  We'll see. Well, that's, yeah, mostly it's just, uh, there's less white guys, less specifically white guys.

• 57:44Speaker 06

  Oh, I see. You're kind of, you're out on the white man.

• 57:46Speaker 05

  Not out, it's just, uh, there's more research that gets done.

• 57:48Speaker 06

  Sure, sure, sure, sure. Depends on what kind of.

• 57:51Speaker 05

  Because what, we're both gonna be white?

• 57:56Speaker 06

  There's a, there's an episode of Seinfeld where Elaine is going out with this guy and she can't tell his ethnicity.

• 58:01Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 58:01Speaker 06

  She like can't tell if he's black or not. He kind of looks like Logic. He's got like a really like, you know, whatever. And then by the end of the episode, uh, he, he tells her that he's just white.

• 58:10Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 58:11Speaker 06

  And he thinks she's Latina.

• 58:12Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 58:14Speaker 06

  And then they both discover they're, they're both white and they're like, oh, so we're just like two white people together?

• 58:19Speaker 05

  Yeah, ugh.

• 58:20Speaker 06

  Mm.

• 58:20Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 58:21Speaker 06

  That don't seem right.

• 58:22Speaker 05

  Doesn't feel right.

• 58:23Speaker 06

  No, no, no, no, that's not, uh-uh.

• 58:25Speaker 05

  It's just, yeah, I'm not, I don't know about that.

• 58:27Speaker 06

  Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. I see. Okay. All right.

• 58:30Speaker 05

  See, but again.

• 58:30Speaker 06

  Because I guess it can go, it can go a lot of ways with white gay guys specifically.

• 58:33Speaker 05

  White cis gay guys?

• 58:35Speaker 06

  It can go, it can get yucky.

• 58:36Speaker 05

  Getting to, those are a lot of cabinet Republicans.

• 58:38Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 58:39Speaker 05

  I'm not interested in that.

• 58:40Speaker 06

  I hear what you're saying.

• 58:40Speaker 05

  No, but if you're, if you're a cute gay white guy and you want what I want, I think, feel free to hit me up and we'll check out everything and.

• 58:48Speaker 05

  I mean it, I mean it. I mean it. Everybody, everybody come through.

• 58:52Speaker 06

  This is like, this is like the way that I respond when somebody asks if I want to go like lift weights in the morning.

• 58:58Speaker 05

  Call me?

• 58:59Speaker 06

  Because it's like I don't. It's like I really don't, but I'm like.

• 59:02Speaker 05

  You know what? Uh, you know, yeah, just hit me.

• 59:07Speaker 06

  Hit me when you wake up and when you wake up, I'll see if I'm up.

• 59:10Speaker 05

  If I'm up.

• 59:11Speaker 06

  If we're both up, then maybe.

• 59:13Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 59:13Speaker 06

  Then maybe we could do that, but it's like, I don't know.

• 59:15Speaker 05

  If it's raining, I probably won't make the walk, but yeah.

• 59:17Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, no, it's downstairs, especially, yeah, this is like when somebody asks you to work out on vacation.

• 59:21Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 59:22Speaker 06

  You know, and you're just like, ah, well, we, we drive, I had some drinks.

• 59:25Speaker 05

  Let's see how the morning plays out.

• 59:27Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, we'll see what's up.

• 59:28Speaker 05

  Yeah, because my stomach could be with the flights and everything. It's, we'll see.

• 59:30Speaker 06

  Yeah, that's, that's like you and white men.

• 59:32Speaker 05

  We'll see. Look, I'm open to it. What, I mean, you know.

• 59:37Speaker 05

  I am tired.

• 59:41Speaker 05

  I am tired.

• 59:42Speaker 06

  Are you, are you, are you, do you do apps?

• 59:44Speaker 05

  Of course I do apps.

• 59:45Speaker 06

  Okay, got you.

• 59:46Speaker 05

  And I have to put in my Grindr bio, do not talk to me about my job. These gamers hitting me up.

• 59:51Speaker 06

  Famous.

• 59:51Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 59:52Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I forget about.

• 59:53Speaker 05

  Low key.

• 59:54Speaker 06

  I for, no, no, no, high key.

• 59:56Speaker 05

  Don't want to be necessarily. It's something that's happening.

• 59:58Speaker 06

  Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure.

• 1:00:00Speaker 05

  But they're messaging me, two in the morning. I'm clearly on here to get laid.

• 1:00:04Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:00:04Speaker 05

  Messaging me, yeah, I love your clips, King. If you don't get the fuck out of my DMs.

• 1:00:09Speaker 06

  I'm trying to get sucked off. I'm trying to get sucked off. Do not talk to me about TikTok.

• 1:00:13Speaker 05

  Say it that graphically, but yeah.

• 1:00:16Speaker 06

  But that's what's at the core of your message.

• 1:00:17Speaker 05

  Unless it's, I love your clips and I'm coming over.

• 1:00:20Speaker 06

  Yeah, I'm on the way.

• 1:00:21Speaker 05

  There's no need to let me know.

• 1:00:22Speaker 06

  Sure.

• 1:00:23Speaker 05

  Put it in the Instagram comments.

• 1:00:24Speaker 06

  I see. Yeah, that's truly, that does belong in the comments.

• 1:00:27Speaker 05

  Check with Live Nation about it.

• 1:00:29Speaker 05

  You know, see, see when I'm in your city.

• 1:00:31Speaker 06

  Yeah, no, I, I totally, I totally hear you. I didn't even, I've never even thought about the way that that must, uh, you know, kind of get in the way of your whole situation.

• 1:00:39Speaker 05

  Well, a lot of gay guys that have a public, um, life, they, they get off Grindr or they don't put their picture on there, but I'm hornier than them.

• 1:00:46Speaker 06

  Oh, I see.

• 1:00:47Speaker 05

  I'm much more serious about this.

• 1:00:49Speaker 06

  What, okay. Interesting. Would you date another person who's a public person? Would you ever do that?

• 1:00:53Speaker 05

  Oh, if I ever met one I could stand. I mean, you meet these people, you know.

• 1:00:58Speaker 06

  I do know, I do know.

• 1:01:00Speaker 05

  We know.

• 1:01:01Speaker 06

  Yeah, we really do. And it really is like a big part of working at SNL was really getting to see famous people really up close and being like. I don't wanna be like that.

• 1:01:10Speaker 05

  I'm good. I'm good on that.

• 1:01:12Speaker 06

  I don't wanna be like that. I don't envy what you got going on in any type of way.

• 1:01:16Speaker 05

  At all.

• 1:01:16Speaker 06

  Yeah, that is, yeah, there's, there's a lot to that.

• 1:01:20Speaker 05

  I'm just, i- if I could, if I met a single gay guy who was not interested in, uh, poly,

• 1:01:29Speaker 05

  who I enjoyed being around, and he happened to have a similar life to mine, sure, I would be, I would consider it.

• 1:01:33Speaker 06

  Interesting.

• 1:01:34Speaker 05

  But I'm asking for the world.

• 1:01:36Speaker 06

  That's a lot of...

• 1:01:37Speaker 05

  I'm asking for a monogamous gay guy who wants kids. I might as well be asking for a trip to fucking Mars. From my experience.

• 1:01:44Speaker 06

  Sure, sure, sure. I'm sure you've done the research.

• 1:01:46Speaker 05

  You can have kids?

• 1:01:47Speaker 06

  Um, I would like to, yeah.

• 1:01:49Speaker 05

  Nice, how many?

• 1:01:50Speaker 06

  I would like to have kids, two tops.

• 1:01:52Speaker 05

  You wanna do three?

• 1:01:53Speaker 06

  No.

• 1:01:53Speaker 05

  Okay. No worries.

• 1:01:55Speaker 06

  Two, cuz it's like, what are we doing at that point? I just, I would, I would like, cuz it's like, cuz it's like, I wanna, I would do wanna have a kid, but it's also like, I wanna, I, I'm not an only child, but all my siblings have, like, we have huge age gaps, so we all kind of grew up only children for like, big sections, like, I'm, my older brother's 12 years older than me, so when I was finishing kindergarten, he was graduating from high school.

• 1:02:16Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:02:16Speaker 06

  When I graduated, my little sister's 10 years younger than me, so it's like, when I was graduating high school, she was in like, 3rd grade.

• 1:02:22Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:02:22Speaker 06

  So it's like, we all kind of like, we all sort of grew up separately, you know what I mean? We were never in similar stages of life, and I feel like I would wanna give my kid like, a proper sibling. It was like a few years apart.

• 1:02:32Speaker 05

  One is crazy.

• 1:02:33Speaker 06

  One is...

• 1:02:34Speaker 05

  To me, one feels crazy.

• 1:02:35Speaker 06

  You're an only child, right?

• 1:02:36Speaker 05

  Not really, but it's complicated.

• 1:02:38Speaker 06

  Oh, sure, sure, sure. Similar, similar kinda.

• 1:02:40Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah, it is similar, and it's, it's like, I, one just to me feels crazy, and honestly, because my brother and I were so not in the house at the same time, really, I'm like, I think a couple more would've been nice.

• 1:02:51Speaker 06

  Yeah, it would've been nice to like, have that. I really do really envy like, siblings who have like, like, oh, remember when, you know, remember that one Christmas when we were like, I, I envy siblings who got to live in similar stages of life together.

• 1:03:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:03:05Speaker 06

  Like, I always, it makes me happy to like, hear people's stories when they were just like, yeah, like, we were growing up, our dad used to always fucking slip on this roller skate.

• 1:03:17Speaker 05

  Your dad was never slipping on roller skates?

• 1:03:18Speaker 06

  No, well, but it's like, if he did, I couldn't laugh, I had to laugh about it to myself. You know what I'm saying? I really do, I really, I really, my heart does get warmed when siblings have like, together memories and they're like, oh yeah, remember like, oh, we were doing this together. Cause I like, I didn't have that. And so if I had kids, I would wanna give that to them.

• 1:03:36Speaker 05

  Yeah, you slip on the skate in front of them, they get to laugh together, it's nice.

• 1:03:38Speaker 06

  And God knows I would.

• 1:03:39Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:03:40Speaker 06

  My dad would like, I guess I, I had that with my mom. My dad's hold, like a big thing that my, me and my mom would roast my dad about is like, he, he, he like wore a suit for work, so he always looked nice when he stepped out of the house. In the house, couldn't care less about what he looked like. My man, ashy as hell at all times.

• 1:03:54Speaker 05

  Yeah, alright.

• 1:03:55Speaker 06

  Every Christmas morning, we have pictures of him, his knees, bright white, bright white, like Casper the ghost.

• 1:04:02Speaker 05

  He's going on a suit and providing and you guys are giving him shit on Christmas?

• 1:04:06Speaker 06

  You got to, you got to.

• 1:04:07Speaker 05

  Leave my guy alone!

• 1:04:08Speaker 06

  Brother, we got plenty of lotion in this house. We live in a, we live in a black house, so there's all sorts of vaseline's and cocoa butters of, of various varieties, like you, you have no reason to look like this. And he, he would constantly.

• 1:04:20Speaker 05

  Oh man, I feel for him.

• 1:04:22Speaker 06

  Yeah, he's fine.

• 1:04:23Speaker 05

  He's fine, he's good, don't worry, actually don't worry about it. Don't actually worry about it.

• 1:04:26Speaker 06

  He's fine.

• 1:04:27Speaker 05

  Two kids I see for you, three I think would be nice, maybe you'll open your heart at some point.

• 1:04:30Speaker 06

  Ah, it's just like, I don't know, I already live in New York, everything's always,

• 1:04:34Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:04:34Speaker 06

  Everything's so pricey.

• 1:04:35Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:04:36Speaker 06

  Everything's so pricey, the taxes of it all.

• 1:04:37Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:04:38Speaker 06

  Then I, now I'm adding kids, but I guess then you get tax breaks. People don't wanna hear us talk about this, sorry.

• 1:04:41Speaker 05

  Oh, they do.

• 1:04:44Speaker 05

  Oh, they do.

• 1:04:45Speaker 06

  I'm sorry.

• 1:04:45Speaker 05

  I stopped caring what people want me to talk about on here after about the third week of having the show.

• 1:04:49Speaker 06

  Oh, that's nice.

• 1:04:50Speaker 05

  I'm just like, y'all are gonna get what I give.

• 1:04:51Speaker 06

  That's the thing that I admire about you a lot, I admire a lot of things about you. But, but a thing that I admire maybe the most is that you really kinda do what you want all the time. We were talking about like TV stuff and I was like, I was like, oh, would you ever like, like, what do you wanna do, do you wanna like write on a show again? And you go, I never write for somebody else's fucking show.

• 1:05:11Speaker 05

  I did, I didn't love it!

• 1:05:12Speaker 06

  You, you go, I'm never doing that again for the rest of my life. And it's like, I think there's, I was like, oh, that's so tight. Cause me, I feel like, I'm like, I don't know, I'll take a job, I'll take a job, I'll go do a thing. And you're just like, oh no, I don't wanna do that, so I won't do it.

• 1:05:23Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:05:23Speaker 06

  And that's, I, I do admire that about you.

• 1:05:25Speaker 05

  That is not, thank you, that's very, very kind, I don't think it's admirable, I think I have a real problem. I think I have a real attitude problem. I have, I have an issue with authority that is like clinical.

• 1:05:35Speaker 06

  Same.

• 1:05:36Speaker 05

  I do not like being told what to do.

• 1:05:37Speaker 06

  Same.

• 1:05:38Speaker 05

  Even by myself, even by a doctor.

• 1:05:40Speaker 06

  Oh.

• 1:05:40Speaker 05

  I don't like being, and last time I said this, people started telling me I have autism. Not everything's autism.

• 1:05:46Speaker 06

  They are trying to make everything autism right now.

• 1:05:48Speaker 05

  I don't like being told what to do and I'm autistic. Look, I send my love to the community.

• 1:05:51Speaker 06

  Shout out.

• 1:05:52Speaker 05

  I just don't think that's necessarily autism. Maybe it is.

• 1:05:55Speaker 06

  I don't know.

• 1:05:56Speaker 05

  But what I'm saying is, I can't do any, when you tell me to do something, I don't like it.

• 1:06:01Speaker 06

  I have that same thing as well.

• 1:06:02Speaker 05

  It makes me sick.

• 1:06:03Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:06:03Speaker 05

  I'm like, no, I don't want to do it. It doesn't matter if I wanted to do it, it doesn't matter. I've said this a million times on here, but even when I tell myself to do something, that's why 75 Caleb is so important.

• 1:06:13Speaker 06

  And I'm, I'm excited to see, we don't see each other as much as I'd like, cause you're, you know, we're, we're both running around, but like, I'm excited to see you next time and see how many days through 75 Caleb you, you made it to.

• 1:06:24Speaker 05

  Before you leave here today, I'm gonna put a check in on your calendar.

• 1:06:26Speaker 06

  Please do.

• 1:06:27Speaker 05

  We're gonna go to dinner.

• 1:06:28Speaker 06

  Let's maybe like halfway through?

• 1:06:29Speaker 05

  Halfway through.

• 1:06:30Speaker 06

  You owe me a dinner, by the way.

• 1:06:30Speaker 05

  We're gonna, pardon?

• 1:06:31Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:06:35Speaker 06

  The Chiefs and the Eagles played each other, the Chiefs and the Eagles played each other and me, and, and we.

• 1:06:41Speaker 05

  Keep going, we'll cut this.

• 1:06:42Speaker 06

  And we, and we made a wager, we made a dinner wager, like during this last NFL season.

• 1:06:47Speaker 05

  I vaguely recall.

• 1:06:48Speaker 06

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:06:48Speaker 05

  So, where would you like to go?

• 1:06:50Speaker 06

  Um, I don't know, I'm gonna look through some stuff. Um, I'm gonna look through some options.

• 1:06:54Speaker 05

  I'm gonna sort, uh, four dollar signs and up.

• 1:06:56Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you got it.

• 1:06:57Speaker 05

  I really want you to take advantage of this.

• 1:06:59Speaker 06

  Uh, and I, I would like to.

• 1:07:00Speaker 05

  I mean that.

• 1:07:01Speaker 06

  Wait, also, wait, I wanted to ask you this. You, we both have a real authority thing.

• 1:07:04Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:07:05Speaker 06

  Your, your, your dad, what was he like?

• 1:07:07Speaker 05

  My dad?

• 1:07:08Speaker 06

  Yeah, like what was he like, was he like a real authoritarian type of old school dad?

• 1:07:11Speaker 05

  Uh, he tried sometimes, but he wasn't in the house and I didn't respect him. So anytime he would tell me to do something, I'd be like, you're not really my father in most ways. I love him very much and shout out and rest in peace to him, but he would try to, he'd be like, he'd be like, the important thing about being a man, I'd be like, you're not in the house. You know what I mean?

• 1:07:29Speaker 06

  That's one of the big important things about being a man.

• 1:07:31Speaker 05

  One of the big things is being in the house with your kid or being great at being a dad outside of the house.

• 1:07:35Speaker 06

  Sure.

• 1:07:35Speaker 05

  And you are not very good at this.

• 1:07:37Speaker 06

  Sure.

• 1:07:37Speaker 05

  So I'm not really gonna listen to you about almost anything. He had some cool. Less since he had some good moments. My dad was brilliant, so I really respected his intellect. But yeah, as far as telling me to what to do, it was like, I don't really think so.

• 1:07:48Speaker 06

  Wait, where do you think it comes from then? Cause mine directly comes from having like a military dad.

• 1:07:52Speaker 05

  Opposition to your dad.

• 1:07:53Speaker 06

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mine's I can directly tie it to like, I really don't, I really don't like people telling me what to do. And if you tell me to do something, I'll probably do exactly not that.

• 1:08:00Speaker 05

  Yeah?

• 1:08:01Speaker 06

  Yeah, I have that.

• 1:08:02Speaker 05

  I think mine was that I grew up with a single mom and I had to grow up very early. My mom is a great parent, but she was, uh, I had to do a lot of stuff for myself very young.

• 1:08:11Speaker 06

  Sure.

• 1:08:11Speaker 05

  And I was a very like parentified child. And so I became very self-sufficient very young. And then anytime after that, I'd be like, I'm basic, like, I don't know, teachers would tell me to do stuff at school and I'd be like, I fucking do more than you do. Like, I'm sorry, but I like get myself out of bed and get myself here and I keep track of my own homework and like, I do all this shit. So anytime someone would tell me to do something, I'd be like, what the fuck do you know? You're gonna tell me what to do? I already do everything.

• 1:08:36Speaker 06

  I had that too, but I think mine was much less earned.

• 1:08:39Speaker 05

  Yeah, okay.

• 1:08:42Speaker 05

  I don't know if mine was earned, but I was certainly doing stuff.

• 1:08:44Speaker 06

  Doing, you like had like adult responsibilities as a kid. So you kind of wanted, you wanted the adults to kind of meet you at that level.

• 1:08:50Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:08:51Speaker 06

  And like talk to you as if you had like that level of agency, right?

• 1:08:53Speaker 05

  Yeah. And also just leave me the fuck alone. And stop with these bullshit. I, you, if you, if you realize that too young of an age, that adults are full of shit, they'll tell you shit. They'll be like, you can't do that. And you go, why? And they don't have a reason. And then you're expected to do it anyway.

• 1:09:06Speaker 06

  That would, that would get me a lot of them.

• 1:09:07Speaker 05

  I'm like, fuck you.

• 1:09:08Speaker 06

  I'd just be like, okay, look, I'm down to do what you're talking about, but just tell me why it's important. And if you can tell me in a way that like tracks to me, then it's like, I got you.

• 1:09:17Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:09:17Speaker 06

  If you can't, then I'm probably gonna do it my own way. I'm probably gonna do it the way I wanna do it.

• 1:09:22Speaker 05

  I get so mad. My little cousins, they, when they get told to do stuff at school and then they get in trouble for not doing it. I'm like, I wanna go down to the school. I wanna go down and be like, what's your fucking reasoning?

• 1:09:32Speaker 06

  Sure.

• 1:09:32Speaker 05

  Why? And it's not because I think they're right. My, they're kids, but I'm like, I just don't, you're not doing a good enough job of explaining it. And I don't, they're not supposed to be like little robots for you. I don't like it.

• 1:09:42Speaker 06

  I'm, I'm with you.

• 1:09:43Speaker 05

  It makes me mad.

• 1:09:43Speaker 06

  I'm with you. I'm excited to see the little, the little, the little non-rule following kids you.

• 1:09:47Speaker 05

  Oh no, they're gonna fall in line.

• 1:09:51Speaker 05

  My kids?

• 1:09:52Speaker 06

  They're gonna do, they're gonna do what they're told.

• 1:09:53Speaker 05

  Yeah, no, I mean, I don't know. It'll be interesting to see, it'll be interesting to see, cause everybody has ideas about how they'll parent in theory.

• 1:09:59Speaker 06

  Sure.

• 1:09:59Speaker 05

  And then when you're an actual parent, I, yeah, I'm sure my theories will go out the window pretty quick. Yeah.

• 1:10:05Speaker 06

  I'm, I'm curious. I mean, if we're gonna do it, we gotta start.

• 1:10:08Speaker 05

  You a little sooner than I.

• 1:10:14Speaker 05

  Jay, look.

• 1:10:14Speaker 06

  I get on this podcast and Caleb talks to me like I'm 56.

• 1:10:18Speaker 05

  No, it's just the timelines are, they are, you know, objectively a little different.

• 1:10:22Speaker 06

  Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. No, you're right. I do, I'm, I'm, I'm thinking about it.

• 1:10:26Speaker 05

  Time to get started up.

• 1:10:26Speaker 06

  I gotta figure it out.

• 1:10:27Speaker 05

  Yeah, especially if you're planning on doing it OG style.

• 1:10:30Speaker 06

  That's true.

• 1:10:31Speaker 05

  Original recipe.

• 1:10:32Speaker 06

  That's true, but it's also like, I don't know, it's also kind of chic. Do you think it's kind of chic to like have a kid at like 45?

• 1:10:38Speaker 05

  Completely.

• 1:10:39Speaker 06

  Yeah, like there's something kind of fly about that.

• 1:10:41Speaker 05

  I won't be doing it.

• 1:10:42Speaker 06

  Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if I want to do it with my like, who knows what's gonna happen with my back.

• 1:10:46Speaker 05

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 1:10:47Speaker 06

  I can't be throwing out my back, picking up my, my, my baby son.

• 1:10:50Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:10:51Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:10:51Speaker 05

  Not, not your baby son.

• 1:10:52Speaker 06

  Not my baby son.

• 1:10:53Speaker 05

  I'm not throwing my, I'll throw my back out playing tennis.

• 1:10:55Speaker 06

  Exactly.

• 1:10:56Speaker 05

  I'm not gonna throw it out.

• 1:10:56Speaker 06

  And I've done it, and I'll do it again.

• 1:10:57Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:10:58Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:10:58Speaker 05

  I want you to get started soon, I really do. I think what I, my ideal is that I'd have four kids within about two years. I'd like them all to be just right at that same.

• 1:11:07Speaker 06

  Oh, I see what you're saying. Like, wait.

• 1:11:09Speaker 05

  Not two years from now, within the same two years.

• 1:11:12Speaker 06

  Four children in two years?

• 1:11:13Speaker 05

  Yeah, I want them to all be about the same age, like maybe two in each grade. It's possible when you're a gay guy, because you don't have to wait on the reset time, respawn for the girl.

• 1:11:20Speaker 06

  Sure, so you're kind of. Respawn time.

• 1:11:25Speaker 05

  Do you know what I mean?

• 1:11:25Speaker 06

  Caleb talking about pregnancy like it's Halo.

• 1:11:27Speaker 05

  Do you know?

• 1:11:30Speaker 05

  There's a refractory period.

• 1:11:31Speaker 06

  Sure, sure, sure.

• 1:11:32Speaker 05

  Not with gay guys.

• 1:11:33Speaker 06

  Takes you a second to bounce back.

• 1:11:34Speaker 05

  Yeah, you got two lesbians that you're doing business with?

• 1:11:36Speaker 06

  Oh, sure. If you, and especially if you can get two sets, bing bang, bing bong.

• 1:11:40Speaker 05

  Bing bang boom.

• 1:11:40Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:11:41Speaker 05

  And then you do adoption as well, all of a sudden, four kids, maybe they're three months apart.

• 1:11:45Speaker 06

  Phew, that sounds like a lot of work for yourself.

• 1:11:47Speaker 05

  Really nice, though.

• 1:11:48Speaker 06

  Yeah, but I guess you kind of got it all out the way.

• 1:11:50Speaker 05

  Because it's like, let's just get them, let's just get them, they can share cars to school, we're getting, we're buying one car for the lot of them.

• 1:11:54Speaker 06

  One year, uh, one, in like 2009, Lil Wayne had like four different kids with four different women.

• 1:12:01Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:12:01Speaker 06

  In the same like calendar year.

• 1:12:02Speaker 05

  Sure.

• 1:12:03Speaker 06

  And you're, that's how you were kind of trying to live.

• 1:12:05Speaker 05

  I feel that were I heterosexual, I feel, I feel that I would have two babies by now.

• 1:12:10Speaker 06

  Really?

• 1:12:10Speaker 05

  I'm not on purpose.

• 1:12:11Speaker 06

  Sure. You think you would have slipped up like in high school or something like that?

• 1:12:14Speaker 05

  I think for sure.

• 1:12:15Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:12:15Speaker 05

  It would have been a really tragic story.

• 1:12:17Speaker 06

  Or would it have been beautiful? Or would you have been doing this version of your career now as a, well, I guess, no, you're still, you're a straight man forever in this, in this.

• 1:12:25Speaker 05

  In this scenario, I never stopped being straight.

• 1:12:27Speaker 06

  Oh, I see. Okay. Yeah. Well, then I guess, yeah, I guess everything would probably be different then.

• 1:12:32Speaker 05

  I don't know that comedy, I don't think comedy works out for me as a straight guy.

• 1:12:35Speaker 06

  No?

• 1:12:35Speaker 05

  I don't think the, what, the way I am really works. I don't think it plays.

• 1:12:39Speaker 06

  I, yeah, it'd be, it'd just be, it'd be an entirely different.

• 1:12:42Speaker 05

  I think I get a lot of passes for gay.

• 1:12:44Speaker 06

  Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. I see. Yeah, I, I'm curious, what?

• 1:12:47Speaker 05

  I talk to people a little crazy.

• 1:12:49Speaker 06

  I guess.

• 1:12:52Speaker 05

  For straight? If a straight guy, I don't.

• 1:12:54Speaker 06

  Yeah, people, it's not coming off as charming.

• 1:12:56Speaker 05

  I don't think it's so cute.

• 1:12:57Speaker 06

  Hmm.

• 1:12:58Speaker 05

  If I'm a straight guy with children and a wife.

• 1:13:00Speaker 06

  Yeah, they're like, yeah, also people, you know, when a straight, when a straight guy with a wife has like our lifestyle, you're like, hey, man, you gotta.

• 1:13:07Speaker 05

  Time to lock in.

• 1:13:08Speaker 06

  You know, you gotta, you gotta lock in.

• 1:13:09Speaker 05

  Go raise those children.

• 1:13:10Speaker 06

  You know what I'm saying?

• 1:13:11Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:13:11Speaker 06

  Go to the oil rig. You can't be creating content.

• 1:13:13Speaker 05

  Exactly.

• 1:13:14Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:13:14Speaker 05

  But that's for me when I'm like, oh, I'm doing 75 days where I get up before 9 a.m. I think it's kind of cute.

• 1:13:19Speaker 06

  It is funny because we live such unserious lives.

• 1:13:23Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:13:23Speaker 06

  We live such unserious lives. I work, man, especially now that I'm not on the show this year, like collectively, I've worked like, like real, like work, work?

• 1:13:32Speaker 05

  Well, six, seven hours?

• 1:13:33Speaker 06

  Ah, man, maybe the equivalent of one week. And we're about to be in June. Like, if you add it all up.

• 1:13:40Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:13:41Speaker 06

  Like in, like hours, like the amount of hours I've put in, probably one full week of work.

• 1:13:45Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:13:46Speaker 06

  You know, and I'm doing fine. And that's fucked up.

• 1:13:48Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:13:48Speaker 06

  That's really fucked up.

• 1:13:49Speaker 05

  It's legitimately wrong.

• 1:13:51Speaker 06

  And like, it's, it's not right the way that we are allowed to live. And I do feel like I, uh, yeah, it's, when you, when you say that, like waking up before nine, every time I do it, I'm like, I mean, it's pretty nice. And I forget that like people, I used to have to do that every day.

• 1:14:04Speaker 05

  A lot of things are nice when you are choosing to do them.

• 1:14:06Speaker 06

  Yeah, totally.

• 1:14:07Speaker 05

  Do you know, like, when I had jobs that I had to get up at 7 a.m., I was like, this is fucking ridiculous.

• 1:14:11Speaker 06

  Terrible.

• 1:14:11Speaker 05

  And now I get up at 7 and I'm like, this is the actually definition of luxury.

• 1:14:15Speaker 06

  Well, and, and also, and also like our version of like waking up for 7 a, like at 7 a.m. is like, all right, well, I, I work out at 8 and then I like have lunch with my friends at noon.

• 1:14:24Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:14:24Speaker 06

  And then I like maybe do a show at night and then maybe I like type a little bit in between that.

• 1:14:29Speaker 05

  See, but a lot of these comics are not getting up at all. They're, they're sleeping until 3 because they got four spots at 2 a.m.

• 1:14:34Speaker 06

  True.

• 1:14:34Speaker 05

  That's crazy.

• 1:14:35Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:14:35Speaker 05

  I'm glad that I'm not in that.

• 1:14:37Speaker 06

  I've never been in that.

• 1:14:38Speaker 05

  I'm not in that.

• 1:14:39Speaker 06

  Maybe I should be.

• 1:14:40Speaker 05

  That'd be a fun era. I'd come watch your spots.

• 1:14:42Speaker 06

  I wouldn't even want you to do that.

• 1:14:44Speaker 05

  Devin, what's so true to you right now?

• 1:14:45Speaker 06

  What is so true to me? I don't know. I think just like leaning on your community, leaning on your friends and your family and like, you know, in a, in a, in a way that's like, you know, in a, remembering, I think as a straight man, I think you forget that you can like lean on your homies when you're like going through some shit. And I think, yeah, reminding myself of that and then like doing that, leaning on the homies and like, you know, getting uplifted in that way.

• 1:15:09Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:15:09Speaker 06

  That's so true to me.

• 1:15:10Speaker 05

  You can call me anytime, Devin.

• 1:15:11Speaker 06

  I know. I just, I always assume you're gone.

• 1:15:14Speaker 05

  Well, call me anyway.

• 1:15:15Speaker 06

  Yeah, fair enough.

• 1:15:15Speaker 05

  Cause I, I might not be and also I'll come back.

• 1:15:17Speaker 06

  Fair.

• 1:15:18Speaker 05

  And I'll, I'll, I'll remember, but you can call me anytime. I would do anything for you.

• 1:15:21Speaker 06

  Sure.

• 1:15:22Speaker 05

  You can lean on me, brother.

• 1:15:22Speaker 06

  Damn.

• 1:15:23Speaker 05

  I got you. Lean on me. Come on.

• 1:15:25Speaker 06

  Lean on us now.

• 1:15:27Speaker 05

  Say that. Yeah. Should we start a band?

• 1:15:28Speaker 06

  We should do something.

• 1:15:30Speaker 05

  We should do something.

• 1:15:31Speaker 06

  We should do something.

• 1:15:32Speaker 05

  We should do something.

• 1:15:33Speaker 06

  Yeah, for sure.

• 1:15:34Speaker 05

  We should do a show together.

• 1:15:35Speaker 06

  Okay.

• 1:15:35Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:15:36Speaker 06

  I'm done.

• 1:15:36Speaker 05

  Oh, you want to play a game?

• 1:15:37Speaker 06

  Yeah, let's do it.

• 1:15:38Speaker 05

  You know the deal. Devin, I'm gonna read you 15 statements. You're gonna tell me as quickly as you can if what I just said was true or false. If you get 10 or more correct, we're gonna give you 50 US dollars.

• 1:15:44Speaker 06

  Yes.

• 1:15:45Speaker 05

  Yes. You ready?

• 1:15:46Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:15:46Speaker 05

  The Walking Dead ran for 11 seasons.

• 1:15:48Speaker 06

  True.

• 1:15:48Speaker 05

  That's true. Lacrosse has been played since the 12th century.

• 1:15:51Speaker 06

  True.

• 1:15:51Speaker 05

  That is true. The average lifespan of a goldfish is three years.

• 1:15:54Speaker 06

  False.

• 1:15:54Speaker 05

  False. It's 10 to 15 years. St. Paul is the capital of Minnesota.

• 1:15:58Speaker 06

  That is true.

• 1:15:59Speaker 05

  That is true. Vince Young threw more touchdowns than interceptions in his NFL career.

• 1:16:03Speaker 06

  That's false.

• 1:16:03Speaker 05

  That is false. The movie Eight Mile came out 24 years ago.

• 1:16:08Speaker 06

  Ugh, that's false. 24? No, that is true.

• 1:16:14Speaker 05

  It's true. Hippos can run at a top speed of 11 miles per hour.

• 1:16:18Speaker 06

  I feel like they might be faster than that. Uh, I'll say true.

• 1:16:21Speaker 05

  False. 19 miles per hour. I know.

• 1:16:23Speaker 06

  I was right. I gotta trust my gut.

• 1:16:25Speaker 05

  The Navy is the biggest branch of the US military.

• 1:16:27Speaker 06

  Ooh. I'm gonna say true.

• 1:16:29Speaker 05

  False. The Army. Ringworm is a fungal infection.

• 1:16:32Speaker 06

  That's true.

• 1:16:32Speaker 05

  That is true. Torchy's taco slogan is damn good.

• 1:16:35Speaker 06

  That is true.

• 1:16:35Speaker 05

  That is true. Chlorine makes plants green.

• 1:16:40Speaker 06

  That's false.

• 1:16:40Speaker 05

  False, it's chlorophyll. Infinity is a number.

• 1:16:44Speaker 06

  That's false.

• 1:16:45Speaker 05

  It is false. Camels store water in their humps.

• 1:16:48Speaker 06

  That's true.

• 1:16:49Speaker 05

  False, it's fat.

• 1:16:49Speaker 06

  What?

• 1:16:50Speaker 05

  Oreos are a type of dolphin. Orcs, sorry.

• 1:16:55Speaker 05

  Orcas-

• 1:16:56Speaker 06

  There ain't water in camel's humps.

• 1:16:57Speaker 05

  No, it's fat. It's all fat, it's a rumor.

• 1:17:00Speaker 06

  Where do the waters, where's the water go? Man, this, somebody fucked me up.

• 1:17:03Speaker 05

  I'm glad you went back to that, cuz I said Oreos are a type of dolphin. And my brain really thought that was the sentence. Orcas are a type of dolphin.

• 1:17:12Speaker 06

  False.

• 1:17:12Speaker 05

  It's true.

• 1:17:13Speaker 06

  What?

• 1:17:13Speaker 05

  The current mayor of Flugerville, Texas is Chad Harris.

• 1:17:16Speaker 06

  Oh my god, I actually don't know the mayor of my hometown. Uh, I'm gonna say... I'm gonna say true.

• 1:17:23Speaker 05

  False, it's Doug Weiss. How do you do, Jan?

• 1:17:25Speaker 06

  Oh, fuck.

• 1:17:26Speaker 05

  Ten! Ten, let's go!

• 1:17:29Speaker 06

  Fifty dollars, of course it's Doug Weiss. Doug, the Weiss, the Weiss family and the Fluger family, uh, started Flugerville.

• 1:17:35Speaker 05

  Yeah?

• 1:17:35Speaker 06

  So like, the Weisses, like, I didn't grow up around Flugers, but I grew up around Weisses. I went to high school with Brandon Weiss, Courtney Weiss.

• 1:17:42Speaker 05

  Damn, shout out.

• 1:17:42Speaker 06

  And, yeah, I'm sure, and that is clearly a relative of theirs, of course. He, they literally like, own the town, like, they are like millionaires because they just like, had all the land first.

• 1:17:51Speaker 05

  I don't like that, vote him out. I'm calling on Flugerville citizens now. Vote out the Weiss and Fluger families, get them out.

• 1:17:58Speaker 06

  They've both been in power. That's, that's so funny, of course it's a Weiss, that makes all the sense more.

• 1:18:02Speaker 05

  Yeah, I like that your town has that too.

• 1:18:04Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:18:05Speaker 05

  I'm working on a will right now.

• 1:18:06Speaker 06

  Whoa.

• 1:18:07Speaker 05

  I'm working on a will and testament.

• 1:18:08Speaker 06

  Early.

• 1:18:09Speaker 05

  Yeah, well, my businessman guy was like, you need to, you need to get your shit in order.

• 1:18:13Speaker 06

  Somebody said this to me as well.

• 1:18:14Speaker 05

  And, uh, I'm not leaving anybody anything.

• 1:18:16Speaker 06

  Whoa.

• 1:18:17Speaker 05

  Specifically because of this. I don't want my little cousin sitting around going like, ah, he's cool, but would be nice, think again, bitch.

• 1:18:23Speaker 06

  All to charity?

• 1:18:23Speaker 05

  No, I'm giving everything to my aunt, and she will distribute it. I'll tell her, I'll give her some general ideas. I'll say, pay off a couple bills for everybody.

• 1:18:32Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:18:33Speaker 05

  Whatever that is, and then give the rest away.

• 1:18:35Speaker 06

  Huh.

• 1:18:36Speaker 05

  Now, nobody's gonna be sitting around waiting on me to die.

• 1:18:37Speaker 06

  Whoa.

• 1:18:38Speaker 05

  Y'all aren't getting anything. And another thing.

• 1:18:41Speaker 06

  Yeah.

• 1:18:41Speaker 05

  For any interested young gay men, prenup. We're signing a prenup.

• 1:18:46Speaker 06

  Sure, sure, sure.

• 1:18:46Speaker 05

  We're signing a prenup.

• 1:18:47Speaker 06

  That makes sense, I think everybody should, honestly.

• 1:18:49Speaker 05

  An extensive one.

• 1:18:50Speaker 06

  I think if you, yo. I think if you think you're gonna have anything for real, I think it's like, it just makes more sense.

• 1:18:56Speaker 05

  I think someday I might, and so we're signing prenup.

• 1:18:58Speaker 06

  Oh, you're doing fine.

• 1:18:59Speaker 05

  Prenup. We're signing prenup.

• 1:19:01Speaker 06

  Is that, is that from an actual song, or is that just an original?

• 1:19:03Speaker 05

  It's a song I'm writing right now. They're gonna play it at my wedding.

• 1:19:06Speaker 06

  For any potential student. You're electric sliding down the aisle. Preen up.

• 1:19:12Speaker 05

  Me standing up at the wedding. He's gonna preen up.

• 1:19:15Speaker 06

  You're gonna need to sign that preen up. I can't wait.

• 1:19:18Speaker 05

  You'll be good.

• 1:19:19Speaker 06

  I hope, you know, I'm excited to be at the wedding.

• 1:19:21Speaker 05

  You'll be there.

• 1:19:21Speaker 06

  Yeah, I'm excited to meet this beautiful fellow black man.

• 1:19:27Speaker 05

  If he's out there. God, God, if you can hear me. Devin's God and all other gods. Send me whoever, I'm interested.

• 1:19:33Speaker 06

  Yeah, of course.

• 1:19:34Speaker 05

  Devin, it's been beautiful to have you. I can't wait to have you again. Tell the people where they can find you.

• 1:19:39Speaker 06

  Follow me on Instagram, @devonwalker, @internetdevon. Follow the podcast. Caleb has been on for an episode, it's called "My Favorite Lyrics." It's so fun. We are legitimately building a, we're building a base of guests that I don't think any other podcast has ever had. We've had both Cash Cobain, the rapper, and Chloe Trost. Nobody can, nobody other podcast can say that.

• 1:20:00Speaker 05

  They're not doing it.

• 1:20:00Speaker 06

  And yeah, check it out. It's honestly a blast. And somebody that you like has probably been on it already, so go peep.

• 1:20:06Speaker 05

  Yeah, oh yeah.

• 1:20:08Speaker 00

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• 1:21:07Speaker 01

  Ugh, I hate Mondays.

• 1:21:09Speaker 02

  King's Hawaiian cinnamon swirl bite?

• 1:21:10Speaker 01

  Uh, Taylor Hansen? Sure, I'll try one. Mmm.

• 1:21:16Speaker 03

  Hey, let's get back to work, please.

• 1:21:18Speaker 01

  But Taylor Hansen's making my day way better with these new soft and swirly King's Hawaiian cinnamon bites.

• 1:21:22Speaker 03

  Taylor Hansen? Nice.

• 1:21:24Speaker 02

  Try one.

• 1:21:25Speaker 03

  Mmm.

• 1:21:29Speaker 07

  King's Hawaiian Cinnamon Bites. There's nothing like it. Sweet swelling is so good.