Hayden Johnson Loves a Revolution

Welcome! This week’s guest is the hilarious Hayden Johnson! Hayden and Caleb talk humble back yard comedy shows, Family Guy, taking up arms, the athletic prowess of a certain pop star, Madden, and more! Join our Substack for ad free full episodes, early access to merch, our community chat, and more! https://calebsaysthings.substack.com/ Follow Hayden! @_hayden_johnson Follow the show! @sooootruepod Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloud Try Domino's Parmesan Stuffed Crust Pizza today at https://dominos.com Shop now at https://Fabletics.com/sotrue to get seventy to eighty percent off everything when you sign up as a new VIP Go to https://www.squarespace.com/SOTRUE to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code SOTRUE. Find exactly what you’re booking for at Booking.com. Book today on the site or in the app. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at https://RocketMoney.com/SOTRUE So True with Caleb Hearon is edited and engineered by Nicole Lyons. Our social media manager is Virginia Muller. All episodes are filmed in The So Trudio at Legitimate Business World Headquarters in Brooklyn, New York. A Wave series. https://wavesportsandentertainment.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

• 0:01Speaker 00

  Wave.

• 0:04Speaker 01

  All arachnids have eight legs.

• 0:06Speaker 00

  True.

• 0:07Speaker 01

  It is true. Carly Rae Jepsen played soccer in college.

• 0:24Speaker 01

  Lisa Kudrow is in the same camp, but there's a big camp of these people, I feel, but Laurie Metcalf is also one of them, where it's like, there's many years of just playing like a pretty funny character on TV, and there's no real like, at least to my knowledge, there's no real like lauding or accomplishments, or like, there's no mother allegations, there's no, there's no like icon status, and then seemingly kind of overnight, but also over the span of 30 years, it's like, you're a legend, you're an icon, you're mother. Do you know what I mean?

• 0:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, I mean, I really, I, I'm not interested in Friends at all.

• 0:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 0:58Speaker 00

  But Comeback is maybe the greatest TV show that's ever existed.

• 1:02Speaker 01

  Lisa Kudrow has been amazing for so long, and now I feel like she's getting this like icon status that, I'm like, maybe it's always been there, but I just feel like, I don't know, I'm noticing things.

• 1:11Speaker 00

  Were you a Friends person?

• 1:13Speaker 01

  I was not a Friends person.

• 1:14Speaker 00

  Okay, I think that's, I, cause I think people did think she was an icon, but I just like, don't, I, I, I never watched.

• 1:21Speaker 01

  See, I thought that they thought that she was more of like a circus clown.

• 1:25Speaker 00

  They, she did recently say that they were very mean to her, but I think people liked her, like the audience.

• 1:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's what I'm saying, is I think there's this like thing of like, it goes beyond being liked into like, I mean, I don't want to say like being respected, but it's like, like Laurie Metcalf on Roseanne was like very popular, she was like a high-paid, like, seriously, like very, I think audiences loved her, but I don't know that the industry was going, you're a legend, we bow down to you, and they should have been the whole time, because she has, has been amazing, but now she's like, yeah, she's one of those girls.

• 1:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, and I, it probably goes from like, you're a character, to like, you're you.

• 2:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:02Speaker 00

  Like, you're known for your character, you're known for, who is Lisa Kudrow, Phoebe?

• 2:07Speaker 01

  Phoebe.

• 2:07Speaker 00

  Phoebe, you're, you're Phoebe?

• 2:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:09Speaker 00

  And now it's like- That's Lisa Kudrow.

• 2:10Speaker 01

  And now you're Lisa, you go from Jackie to Lori. Well, this is what Taylor Ortega and I were just referring to, stepping from your big red clown shoes into your Louboutins.

• 2:20Speaker 00

  And I love Taylor, that's beautiful.

• 2:22Speaker 01

  I love Taylor. Well, she just stepped into her Louboutins with big mistakes.

• 2:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, she's like famous. That's like maybe the first friend I've had that I've what?

• 2:34Speaker 00

  That I've what? Well, there's, there's, I don't know, there's like a real, that feels like a really huge step from, from, I met from, I met, I met Taylor and she was, she was being so mean to men at open mics at, at like 11:30 at night.

• 2:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:51Speaker 00

  That was kind of how I knew Taylor.

• 2:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:53Speaker 00

  And now biggest star on Netflix. That's kind of crazy.

• 2:56Speaker 01

  That's really crazy.

• 2:57Speaker 00

  Right? But you're very famous too, but I didn't know you.

• 3:00Speaker 01

  No, it's just, um.

• 3:01Speaker 00

  I didn't know you in your humble era.

• 3:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, you did.

• 3:04Speaker 00

  No, I didn't.

• 3:04Speaker 01

  In LA?

• 3:05Speaker 00

  I barely.

• 3:07Speaker 01

  Oh Hayden, I was humble in LA.

• 3:12Speaker 01

  You were seeing me at shows in LA?

• 3:14Speaker 00

  Yeah, I mean, I, yeah, but like good shows.

• 3:17Speaker 01

  You saw me at my lowest. I was doing backyard shows in LA.

• 3:20Speaker 00

  How?

• 3:21Speaker 01

  By the way, something I miss and loved.

• 3:23Speaker 00

  I was about to, I was about to say.

• 3:25Speaker 01

  Not something that was low at all.

• 3:26Speaker 00

  About to say, I think, I guess I thought that was a really treasured experience.

• 3:31Speaker 00

  I guess I thought that like, maybe that was the point.

• 3:33Speaker 01

  I thought you were a part of like beautiful and beloved community, I guess.

• 3:36Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 3:36Speaker 01

  So I completely loved it.

• 3:37Speaker 00

  I thought like hanging out with your friends in the backyard was kind of all we could ever hope for.

• 3:41Speaker 01

  It was never about that for me. It was always about the limousines and the coke and the cash.

• 3:44Speaker 00

  Yeah, and that's kind of what you're doing now.

• 3:46Speaker 01

  That's what I'm doing now. I took a limousine here, I did coke, I was counting, I was counting cash. I fired three people on the way here. They didn't even work for me.

• 3:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 3:53Speaker 01

  I just, I said, driver, stop, rolled down the window, I said, you're fired.

• 3:56Speaker 00

  It was, can I say, right before we walked over here, I've never seen someone do that much cocaine.

• 4:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:00Speaker 00

  That was really crazy.

• 4:01Speaker 01

  Well, it just levels me out.

• 4:03Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 4:03Speaker 01

  It's how I'm able to just be like this.

• 4:05Speaker 00

  Yeah, you were really hyper and then you did all that cocaine and you calmed right down.

• 4:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, it brings me down. It's like warm milk for me. Yeah, cocaine. It's because I've done so much of it. I'm such a party boy.

• 4:15Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's like, it's like a cigarette before bed or whatever.

• 4:19Speaker 01

  Exactly. Are you partying? Are you, are you doing the out till 5 a.m. thing?

• 4:23Speaker 00

  Not out till 5 a.m., but I definitely am. I mean, I'm trying to. I'm like not, uh, I feel like there are people who take it really seriously. Like, there are people who are, like, I, like warehouse parties and stuff. I, I love those, but they take like a lot of, I don't know, it's like a constant going out, being in that scene, being at every party, because there's always a party. There's a party every night of the week.

• 4:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:49Speaker 00

  Um, I try to do it like once or twice a month.

• 4:53Speaker 01

  That's really good.

• 4:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 4:54Speaker 01

  That's really good.

• 4:55Speaker 00

  But that does feel, it's like an intense form of going out, I think, where it's like you're getting naked.

• 5:02Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 5:03Speaker 00

  Sorry, what can I say on the podcast?

• 5:07Speaker 01

  No, I love that.

• 5:08Speaker 00

  Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 5:10Speaker 01

  You're getting naked at parties?

• 5:11Speaker 00

  Well, yeah, in the, in, you know, dark rooms and stuff.

• 5:15Speaker 01

  Oh, that's beautiful. I have to, don't go in there.

• 5:17Speaker 00

  They're really fun. I, I highly recommend. I think they're like friendlier than,

• 5:26Speaker 00

  I guess they're friendlier than you would expect. Like, I, I think gay guys are so scary.

• 5:32Speaker 01

  Completely.

• 5:32Speaker 00

  Right? Gay guys are so scary. You guys get it.

• 5:37Speaker 01

  Gay guys are completely, no, they know. The, the big villain in all of their lives is one gay guy sitting right here.

• 5:44Speaker 01

  Don't laugh so hard.

• 5:48Speaker 00

  But it's like, it's like I expect to go in there and they're like, get this bitch out of here, you know, like, because it's like I'm a little different, right?

• 5:55Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 5:55Speaker 00

  But.

• 5:56Speaker 01

  Well, you're a girl.

• 5:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, right. But they're having fun, that I'm having fun. It's great.

• 6:02Speaker 01

  That is so beautiful. I'm really happy to hear that. Because if I found out that they were being mean to you in there, Hayden, I, I shudder to think of what I would do.

• 6:08Speaker 00

  It, it, it was a fear. I was like, that's, that would really suck to like, to like strip down for strangers and for them to be like, hey.

• 6:18Speaker 00

  Not here, not here.

• 6:20Speaker 01

  Get out of here!

• 6:21Speaker 00

  Sexual freedom, but not, not for a girl.

• 6:25Speaker 01

  Not for you, baby girl. You got to go.

• 6:27Speaker 00

  That's crazy. I would have gotten it, though.

• 6:29Speaker 01

  I would completely hate that.

• 6:30Speaker 00

  I can't ever tell if I'm upset when a gay guy doesn't want to hook up with me or not, because on the one hand, you're a gay guy.

• 6:39Speaker 01

  So, yeah.

• 6:39Speaker 00

  So, yeah.

• 6:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:41Speaker 00

  You like guys. On the other hand, I'm like,

• 6:45Speaker 00

  grow up, you know?

• 6:48Speaker 00

  I think it could be fun. I don't know.

• 6:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:52Speaker 00

  I think, I think, no, I'm sorry. I don't want to say that. I don't want to say I think everyone should be more bisexual.

• 6:59Speaker 01

  I think everyone could be more bisexual. We're not.

• 7:01Speaker 00

  I think so. I mean, I really think so, but I don't want to like knock people for their sexualities, but I really think it would be nice.

• 7:08Speaker 01

  If everyone was a little more, a little more pan, a little more bi.

• 7:11Speaker 00

  Yeah. I mean, do you ever see these stories and it's like, um, it's like, oh, this like this femme twink and this butch lesbian like thought each other was like, was like the opposite gender and they almost hooked up.

• 7:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:24Speaker 00

  I'm like, they should have hooked up.

• 7:25Speaker 01

  They totally should have.

• 7:26Speaker 00

  They totally should have hooked up.

• 7:28Speaker 01

  Completely.

• 7:28Speaker 00

  They, they, they saw you, they saw each other from across the bar.

• 7:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:31Speaker 00

  They fell in love and then they said, no.

• 7:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:34Speaker 00

  Because of some rule?

• 7:36Speaker 01

  It's silly.

• 7:37Speaker 00

  I think that's crazy.

• 7:38Speaker 01

  I would give anything to be attracted to women. I mean that. It would be, it would mean the world to me to be a little more bisexual. I suffer from being a strictly gay guy. It's a complete nightmare. It's a humiliation. It's an embarrassment. It's very, it's almost conservative at this point.

• 7:50Speaker 00

  I see that. Yeah.

• 7:51Speaker 01

  I would give anything to be into women. Do you know how many women in my life I would be so happy with if I could just get that part figured out?

• 7:56Speaker 00

  Yeah. I mean, they're really great.

• 7:59Speaker 01

  They're the best.

• 7:59Speaker 00

  I was, I was gay boy for a long time and when I transitioned, I started like dating girls sometimes and, um, they're really nice.

• 8:08Speaker 01

  Y'all are great. I'm loving what you're doing over there.

• 8:09Speaker 00

  They're really lovely. They're like, they're like, hey, how are you? You know, they're like,

• 8:15Speaker 00

  they're checking in. They're being like, does that hurt? I'm like, that's not something that I ever got from a gay man.

• 8:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:23Speaker 00

  You know, they remember my name. It's, it's really nice.

• 8:26Speaker 01

  It's really crazy how much better it probably is over there. I mean, yeah, I think it would be great. I wish, I wish that that was happening for me. I'm very happy for you. I know you're, um, how many, uh, relationships are you in at the moment?

• 8:38Speaker 00

  Committed?

• 8:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:40Speaker 00

  Two.

• 8:40Speaker 01

  What about uncommitted?

• 8:43Speaker 00

  But.

• 8:43Speaker 01

  Hell, yeah. What's the situation? Tell me about the setup.

• 8:47Speaker 00

  Well, so I have my two boyfriends. I live with one of them. He's like my primary. And then we have another boyfriend who's really lovely, too. And we see him together, the two of us.

• 9:02Speaker 01

  Only together?

• 9:03Speaker 00

  No, separately and together. Like, we're all kind of like a little throuple sort of thing. I hate that word. It's kind of a nasty word.

• 9:11Speaker 01

  That makes sense. It really is kind of embarrassing to have to say that.

• 9:13Speaker 00

  It feels heterosexual to me. I don't know. Throuple is like, I don't know, but there's not a better word to describe it.

• 9:20Speaker 01

  It feels binding, like, yeah, it feels like a legal kind of designation.

• 9:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, and that's kind of the whole point of polyamory is to not do that.

• 9:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:28Speaker 00

  But, so them, and then there are like, you know, some sweeties that I see and I really enjoy. I've got, I feel like I've got like somebody for everything. You know what I mean?

• 9:40Speaker 01

  Completely. I would fucking hope so.

• 9:41Speaker 00

  I think that's, I think that's also the point of polyamory for me is like, oh, I can like, you know, like, what, what, it's like, I don't want to, I guess I just like take how many is.

• 9:54Speaker 01

  No, come on!

• 9:54Speaker 00

  I'm like, oh, what would be really good tonight?

• 9:57Speaker 01

  That's beautiful.

• 9:58Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 9:59Speaker 01

  I have a lot of criticism of the polyamory community.

• 10:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, that was, one of the last things that you said to me.

• 10:05Speaker 01

  What did I say?

• 10:06Speaker 00

  Before you left LA.

• 10:09Speaker 01

  What did I say?

• 10:10Speaker 00

  Which is I guess why I thought you weren't in your humble era, because you were like, you were like, oh, I was talking to somebody and I was talking about my partners and then you were like, I have to forget that you're polyamorous in order to respect you.

• 10:26Speaker 01

  Oh, that's awesome. Oh, that's awesome. I love that. It's not true. I say these things, but.

• 10:33Speaker 00

  Yeah, thank you.

• 10:34Speaker 01

  I do wonder about your guys' lifestyle.

• 10:36Speaker 00

  It's really fun. We have a big bed.

• 10:38Speaker 01

  How big?

• 10:39Speaker 00

  Biggest you can get.

• 10:40Speaker 01

  California king?

• 10:41Speaker 00

  California king.

• 10:42Speaker 01

  There's a bigger one, you know?

• 10:43Speaker 00

  Really?

• 10:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:44Speaker 00

  What's the big?

• 10:45Speaker 01

  And I know this because I know a gay guy throuple in Manhattan that special ordered this bed so they could all live together in the bed.

• 10:52Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 10:53Speaker 01

  And I won't say any more about that for protection of their privacy, but I have more to say off camera about the bed. I was in it once. It was fabulous, platonically. Sorry, I know. I would, I would sleep with those guys. Hey, guys, hit me up. But, oh, it's called like an Atlantic king or it's an art. Something like that.

• 11:12Speaker 02

  There, there's a, there's a Wyoming king, an Alaskan king.

• 11:15Speaker 01

  Alaskan king, Alaskan king, Alaskan king is humongous.

• 11:20Speaker 00

  Yeah, I've heard about like, I've had a couple gay guys who have money be like, oh, like, we're thinking about like getting a custom bed for, because you can just also just get a custom bed for a room and just get like a, a room that's basically a bed.

• 11:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, you can get circular, you can get heart shaped.

• 11:38Speaker 00

  That sounds so fun.

• 11:39Speaker 01

  I think that's how I would like to start. I move so responsibly and boring with my money. I think I would really like to start moving crazy annoying gay guy style.

• 11:48Speaker 00

  I think you should. Have you ever, okay, this is, uh, did you watch the Elton John, um, do you watch Rocket Man?

• 11:55Speaker 01

  I'm afraid to say I have not.

• 11:56Speaker 00

  Okay, well, Rocket Man is a fine movie, but it is, it is, there's like, there's so many scenes in it of, um, the, the guy who plays Elton John, I can't remember his name, um, uh, Taron Egerton, um, but they're just doing like hedonistic gay sex in this mansion and there's like mirrors on the ceiling and big,

• 12:17Speaker 01

  awesome.

• 12:17Speaker 00

  Big beds and pillows everywhere. And I'm like, yeah, that's kind of what the point of trying to be close to famous is for me is like to get closer to that.

• 12:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:27Speaker 00

  To put mirrors on the ceiling.

• 12:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:29Speaker 00

  Because right now, if I put mirrors on the ceiling, those are gonna fall.

• 12:33Speaker 01

  Can't afford to have them installed properly, yeah.

• 12:36Speaker 00

  Well, uh, to, to get to a place where I can afford to install them properly.

• 12:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:40Speaker 00

  That would be really cool.

• 12:41Speaker 01

  That's the goal.

• 12:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 12:42Speaker 01

  That's the dream. That's what this is all about.

• 12:43Speaker 00

  I think so.

• 12:45Speaker 01

  I think that's completely beautiful.

• 12:46Speaker 00

  Yeah, fuck art. It's all about mirrors on the ceiling.

• 12:49Speaker 01

  Fuck art, I've been saying. For me, the mirror situation has never been like, I'm not interested in seeing like multiple angles of the fucking. I'm really content to just be looking at the person I'm fucking. I'm also content to just be fucking one person. I'm pretty boring in that way.

• 13:07Speaker 00

  It is a lot to fuck multiple people.

• 13:09Speaker 01

  Look, I've been involved, it was fine. I almost, I almost had a threesome in Lisbon a couple weeks ago.

• 13:16Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 13:17Speaker 01

  And, you know, it came time to make a decision and I said, "That just sounds like so much work."

• 13:24Speaker 00

  Was it gonna be like a German threesome?

• 13:26Speaker 01

  How do you mean?

• 13:26Speaker 00

  Uh, wait, sorry. What language do they speak in Lis- where's Lisbon?

• 13:30Speaker 01

  Oh, it's in Portugal.

• 13:33Speaker 00

  Cut that, cut that, cut that.

• 13:34Speaker 01

  We'll cut that, we'll cut that, we'll cut that, we'll cut that.

• 13:36Speaker 00

  No, no, come on, it's fine. I, people know that I'm dumb.

• 13:41Speaker 01

  And I have so much respect for you, by the way, legitimately, that I in my head was like, "Oh, Hayden knows about something I don't know, called a German threesome." Which is like, I don't know where one stands in the corner and like takes notes on your performance or something.

• 13:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, one stands in the corner and makes-

• 14:00Speaker 01

  Be careful.

• 14:00Speaker 00

  Beer. No.

• 14:02Speaker 01

  Oh, that was nice! That was nice! That was very respectful of the German culture.

• 14:07Speaker 00

  I'm looking around the room to kind of figure out-

• 14:09Speaker 01

  Who's German?

• 14:10Speaker 00

  Who's German, and maybe what the culture is.

• 14:13Speaker 01

  Every room I'm in, I try to find the exits and who's German.

• 14:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 14:17Speaker 01

  I wanna know what I'm up against.

• 14:18Speaker 00

  Just in case.

• 14:19Speaker 01

  Just in fucking case.

• 14:19Speaker 00

  I, in my defense, I've never, I've only traveled out of the country once in my life. I, I'm not well-traveled or worldly at all.

• 14:27Speaker 01

  Uh, where to and do you have any desire to travel more outside the country?

• 14:29Speaker 00

  I would love to travel more outside the country. I went to Montreal for JFL.

• 14:33Speaker 01

  Of course.

• 14:34Speaker 00

  But that's the only time, and it's only been in that one little city, and I was only surrounded by every comedian.

• 14:40Speaker 01

  Everyone I've ever met.

• 14:41Speaker 00

  Everyone I've ever met. So it wasn't really-

• 14:43Speaker 01

  Basically family vacation to Canada.

• 14:45Speaker 00

  Yeah, family vacation to Canada, but with a bunch of people I would also choose not to bring.

• 14:51Speaker 00

  I guess it's family vacation, but yeah, I would love to, I would love to travel more. I just, I don't know, because I don't know where Lisbon is. And that feels like a-

• 15:00Speaker 01

  That makes complete sense to me and also Montreal, I would say of Canada, it's one of the more international. I would say it's the most international Canadian city to go to. I like that one. I've not been, I've not been to Montreal, actually.

• 15:11Speaker 00

  It is, it is really, really beautiful and they were all like, I don't know, it was cool to me, people who spoke French.

• 15:18Speaker 01

  Do you speak any other languages?

• 15:19Speaker 00

  No.

• 15:19Speaker 01

  Me neither and I really, really, really want to, just not enough to work very hard at it.

• 15:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 15:25Speaker 01

  Same with music.

• 15:26Speaker 00

  That's kind of how I, that's how I feel about both of those. I mean, I, I, I took Latin in high school. Did, did you take a language?

• 15:35Speaker 01

  I took Spanish, but it was like, I went to a school district that treated it like a joke. They were like, we're gonna eat tacos and give each other different names.

• 15:40Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 15:41Speaker 01

  It was fucking stupid and I'm furious because had they taken it seriously, I was such a good student, I'd probably be really good at Spanish now.

• 15:48Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 15:48Speaker 01

  But they didn't give a fuck and that's why I didn't give a fuck and that's on me too.

• 15:51Speaker 00

  Well, what I, I signed up when I was going into high school, they were like, we're gonna have Mandarin. And that's what I signed up for. I signed up to take Mandarin and then they dropped Mandarin and put everyone who signed up for that in Latin.

• 16:03Speaker 01

  Whoa.

• 16:04Speaker 00

  And so I just learned a lang- I, I went from learning the language that might be the most useful.

• 16:08Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 16:08Speaker 00

  To least, least, I'll never use it and I don't remember it.

• 16:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's completely dead.

• 16:14Speaker 00

  It's pointless and everyone is like, oh, you can use that to become a doctor. I wasn't gonna become a doctor.

• 16:19Speaker 01

  Hey, that's not happening for me.

• 16:21Speaker 00

  That wasn't gonna be me.

• 16:22Speaker 01

  You grew up in Ohio?

• 16:24Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm.

• 16:24Speaker 01

  How was it? Did you love it?

• 16:26Speaker 00

  Uh, you know, no, but I have a lot of love for Ohio. I think it's a beautiful place and there's lots of beautiful parts of it. It just, uh, I, I wish I had agency there, like, I think that was the thing.

• 16:41Speaker 01

  I don't know why, but for a second I thought you were saying I wish I had agents.

• 16:46Speaker 00

  Yeah, my biggest problem with Ohio is I guess that I couldn't get agents when I was a child.

• 16:50Speaker 01

  Didn't have representation there and that was really upsetting.

• 16:53Speaker 00

  It was like you had to drive so far to find the nearest person who did headshots.

• 16:58Speaker 00

  Like, like, like, I feel like had I been able to like be in a part of Ohio that was really beautiful and that I really liked and have my own friends and stuff like that would have been great. But Ohio was just.

• 17:11Speaker 01

  But that wasn't the case.

• 17:12Speaker 00

  That wasn't the case. And it's like, I don't know. It's kind of scary a little bit. It's like kind of mid. It's not the worst, but it's also not the best.

• 17:21Speaker 01

  They're having a gubernatorial election right now, are they not? I think Vivek is.

• 17:26Speaker 00

  Yeah, Vivek, that awful, awful piece of shit.

• 17:29Speaker 01

  I think he's gonna lose, isn't he?

• 17:31Speaker 00

  I don't know.

• 17:32Speaker 01

  Chance, pull up Ohio gubernatorial.

• 17:34Speaker 00

  I think it was looking like it was gonna go for him for a second.

• 17:38Speaker 02

  He just won the Republican primary.

• 17:40Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 17:40Speaker 01

  Right. That was always gonna happen. How, what's the, what are the polls against his competitor?

• 17:44Speaker 02

  Got it right here. Um, so these are primary results. Amy Acton?

• 17:49Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 17:50Speaker 02

  Is the Dem, uh, frontrunner.

• 17:52Speaker 01

  Was this election like last night?

• 17:54Speaker 02

  Uh, it was recently, it looks like. Um, they don't have, let's.

• 17:58Speaker 01

  Search Vivek, uh, Acton, uh, head to head polls. I want to know for me, we might cut this.

• 18:09Speaker 01

  I want to see what's going on in Ohio.

• 18:11Speaker 00

  Yeah, I care about it.

• 18:14Speaker 01

  I definitely care about it. What, oh, they've got plus one in O- Ohio is crazy. You're not gonna be able to do more, Chance?

• 18:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:20Speaker 01

  You don't have a New York Times subscription?

• 18:22Speaker 02

  Well, they're a fa- they're fake news.

• 18:23Speaker 00

  I think that's good. And by the way, that's a good thing.

• 18:26Speaker 01

  That is good. That is completely good. Okay, this is kind of neck and neck here. Wow, this is good.

• 18:33Speaker 00

  That'd be really cool. I mean, I think like, I, I do think Ohio Republicans are like a little disillusioned with, just judging from like my, my family and like the people that I know there, I think there's, they're, they're not MAGA, certainly. They were never MAGA.

• 18:50Speaker 01

  Right.

• 18:50Speaker 00

  Um, they were always kind of like, well, we just sort of care about like Christianity and that kind of thing.

• 18:55Speaker 01

  They were more like John Kasich types, right?

• 18:57Speaker 00

  They were very John Kasich.

• 18:58Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was like polite midwesterners that were like, oh, we can't go in for all that spending.

• 19:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 19:04Speaker 01

  Okay, I was like, I'm a Republican and I'm like, you know what, like, I miss y'all.

• 19:08Speaker 00

  Yeah, and then it got like really, it's gotten so crazy to the point that I think they are like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Like, they are getting a little bit freaked out.

• 19:17Speaker 01

  100%. People are having buyer's remorse on the whole deal.

• 19:20Speaker 00

  I, I think so.

• 19:21Speaker 01

  This is what I said the last, when Trump got elected this most recent time, is I was like, yes, I am sick about it, of course, and I don't, I, I don't. There's no part of me that feels like this isn't going to be very, very bad for a lot of people. And also, I do think if there is any silver lining, I think this is going to be the death of that whole movement because he is going to not deliver on anything. And way overplay his hand and completely blow all the like goodwill that he had with a certain section of people. And that's exactly what he's done.

• 19:50Speaker 00

  Yeah, and he's even like doing, like, he's getting rid of his own base by like not following the conspiracy theories.

• 19:58Speaker 01

  Right.

• 19:58Speaker 00

  Like, they were all in on the, on the Epstein stuff, on the vaccine stuff, like, I don't know, and I just, it just feels like they're not really tapping into any of that. I don't know.

• 20:07Speaker 01

  I mean, what happened with the Epstein stuff? They did that fucking photo shoot with the influencers and the binders and then they just did nothing. And they know, they know who's in there and they're doing nothing.

• 20:16Speaker 00

  Yeah, did you see his note, the Jeffrey Epstein's note or whatever that they just published?

• 20:21Speaker 01

  No, what?

• 20:22Speaker 00

  They published his suicide note, but it just kind of said like, what a wild ride.

• 20:29Speaker 00

  It's like, Jesus Christ.

• 20:30Speaker 01

  Well, had some crazy days, some crazy nights, better be on my way now.

• 20:34Speaker 00

  I think it ends up being like, this was not worth it, or whatever, and I'm like, that's what you leave with?

• 20:40Speaker 01

  He's like, I guess if I had to say one thing, it's that Donald Trump had nothing to do with my crimes.

• 20:46Speaker 00

  Well, it was like, if you're gonna write a suicide note, I think it's like, leave on a big swing.

• 20:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:52Speaker 00

  You know?

• 20:52Speaker 01

  Oh, take some people down, say something, if I ever kill myself, you better believe my suicide note will be long and impressive.

• 21:00Speaker 00

  And mine will be filled with lies, by the way.

• 21:02Speaker 01

  Sure, I don't give a fuck.

• 21:03Speaker 00

  All the people who've wronged me.

• 21:05Speaker 01

  I, that is really funny, but I do want to say on the record, mine will be only the truth. If it ever happens, I want you guys to know, I'm not playing games with my suicide note. I will tell the complete truth about everybody and everything. I want you guys to know that. I do not plan on killing myself. I think I'm gonna die in a crazy freak accident, like many, many years from now.

• 21:24Speaker 00

  Yeah, I see that for myself.

• 21:25Speaker 01

  Do you?

• 21:26Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 21:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:27Speaker 00

  I don't, I don't think it will be natural causes.

• 21:29Speaker 01

  I tell you what it won't be for me, and that's a helicopter crash. I'm not getting in one. They scare the fuck out of me and I don't want to go up there.

• 21:36Speaker 00

  I think that's a real big thing for me right now is like, how in LA can we get rid of the helicopters?

• 21:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:44Speaker 00

  Because it's crazy. And they're not doing anything. They just send the police helicopters up there to just fly around and fucking freak people out. It sucks.

• 21:52Speaker 01

  That's, yeah, that is what they're doing. They're menacing on purpose.

• 21:54Speaker 00

  It's, it's so fucked up. And then also they're crashing. They're crashing every other day. It feels like we lose another beloved celebrity.

• 22:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:04Speaker 00

  Um, every other day because they were in a helicopter.

• 22:07Speaker 01

  Helicopter, small plane crash. You know what I was reading the other night? There was this musician, I gotta, I can't remember his name, but maybe like William Bell or something. But I was listening to this song that came on, it was like a seven, like seventies like soul song. And I was like, who is this guy? Like, this is great. I wonder what kind of career he had. I was stoned. So I started going down a fucking like research rabbit hole. And it turns out he was like best friends with Otis Redding and Otis Redding died in a plane crash. And he was actually meant to be on the flight that Otis Redding died on.

• 22:34Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 22:35Speaker 01

  But he, his show, he was supposed to perform in maybe Chicago and they had really bad weather. So his show was canceled. So he didn't take the flight. And then he lived. And then one of his biggest hits was actually writing a tribute song about Otis after he died. And I was like, what the fuck? Could you imagine?

• 22:52Speaker 00

  That's so beautiful.

• 22:53Speaker 01

  You're supposed to be on a plane with your friend and then it crashes and he dies. And then you write a beautiful tribute song about him and it's your best work? Crazy.

• 22:58Speaker 00

  Yeah, all Seth MacFarlane did was like make more Family Guy.

• 23:04Speaker 01

  And you're saying that like that's not something, but Family Guy, I will go to the fucking grave for.

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• 26:57Speaker 01

  I love, I fucking love Family Guy so much.

• 27:00Speaker 00

  It, uh, it meant a lot to me when I was 13.

• 27:02Speaker 01

  Yeah. And you gave it up in adulthood?

• 27:05Speaker 00

  Yeah, I mean, I gave it up pretty quick. I think like into like later in high school, I was like, this is gonna make, this is not gonna make me a better person.

• 27:15Speaker 00

  But I liked American Dad for a while.

• 27:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, that seems to be the dichotomy. My journey with all of that was that in high school, like when everyone was watching things like Family Guy, I was like, you guys are fucking morons. I'm not interested.

• 27:26Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 27:27Speaker 01

  And that's because they were all smoking weed and I wasn't like, it was a whole thing.

• 27:30Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 27:30Speaker 01

  And then I avoided it, avoided it, avoided it. And then basically in like my mid twenties, I was like, actually Family Guy fucking rocks. And then I started smoking weed and then it really was like, it was all over.

• 27:43Speaker 00

  Damn.

• 27:44Speaker 01

  I started smoking weed when I was like twenty seven.

• 27:45Speaker 00

  Really?

• 27:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, just a couple of years ago.

• 27:47Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 27:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:49Speaker 00

  I would have thought sooner just because you seem good at it.

• 27:53Speaker 01

  That means the world to me.

• 27:54Speaker 00

  I mean, I, I don't know, like, there are like people who do it in like a cool way. I feel like I can't be around people and be high. And I think that that, I, I, I do notice when other people can do that and not be crazy.

• 28:07Speaker 01

  Do you know what? I am always shocked by the number of my friends that are getting like forty milligram fucking blitzed before like a work event. Like literally going to work like that.

• 28:18Speaker 00

  It's crazy. I remember when I moved to LA, like, you know, it was such like comedian culture to like, you know, smoke cigarettes and whatever outside. And I was like, oh, like, I don't want to smoke a cigarette. It's bad for you.

• 28:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:31Speaker 00

  Like, I could like bring a joint and then I could like just go outside and smoke a joint.

• 28:36Speaker 01

  That's what I'm doing, yeah.

• 28:37Speaker 00

  I'd be like hanging out.

• 28:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:39Speaker 00

  And then I would just get so fucking weird and annoying. I would get so annoying. And it's also like, it, it is a little intense. Maybe it just felt like that at that time, but it is a little intense to walk up to people who are smoking a cigarette and start smoking a joint right next to them.

• 28:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:57Speaker 00

  Like, oh, Jimmy, like, Jesus.

• 28:58Speaker 01

  Enjoy your light buzz. I'm about to go to a different fucking planet. Right next to you, bitch.

• 29:03Speaker 00

  Yeah, and I have to take like multiple hits to hang out.

• 29:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:06Speaker 00

  You know, I'm, I'm smoking half a joint at the open mic and then I'm going up, I'm bombing.

• 29:11Speaker 01

  That is so fucking funny. Yeah, I don't understand. It's like, it's, it's one thing. I have friends like who work at like gas stations and like jobs where I'm like, yeah, sure, get, get fucking blitzed for that. Friends who are public figures that like their job is to speak and be normal. I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? That is crazy.

• 29:29Speaker 00

  I can imagine getting, you do get to a point though where you're just like so tired of it that you're just like, I don't fucking care anymore.

• 29:36Speaker 01

  Oh, I'm there. I just can't, I can't be stoned. I won't do well.

• 29:40Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 29:40Speaker 01

  I'm definitely at the point where I'm like, I don't care.

• 29:42Speaker 00

  I, I just, um, I, I was just hanging out with someone and I, I saw they're, they're, they're like an actor and they had like all their weed stuff and then a bunch of eye drops right next to it. So, and I think to me that alluded to they're smoking in the morning, they're putting in the eye drops and they're going to sat.

• 30:00Speaker 01

  I think, I mean, like, look, I would love to get to a place where I can be stoned for like all my daily activities. I really want to start experimenting with it. I just am not sharp when I'm stoned. I'm not, I mean, obviously, I'm like literally like dumb, like drooling.

• 30:12Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 30:13Speaker 01

  Like begging for cheeseburgers, like I'm literally like fiending. I'm being so insane and weird. It's like, no, I don't think I would do good at my job.

• 30:21Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's not helpful for that kind of thing. I don't even really know what it is helpful for.

• 30:27Speaker 01

  It's helpful for chilling the fuck out.

• 30:29Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 30:30Speaker 01

  In my life, I'm like, weed is really for when like, I don't, I don't smoke a ton, but weed is for when I like, do not have another thing, but sometimes I'll smoke a little bit when I'm out. Like I smoked a little bit when I was out last night, like two hits and I was fine.

• 30:42Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 30:43Speaker 01

  But mostly weed is for when I'm like, I have arrived at home, I don't have anything to do for fifteen to twenty-six hours.

• 30:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 30:49Speaker 01

  And I'm gonna get as stoned as imaginable and just like zone out.

• 30:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's like ten o'clock, I'm gonna watch a movie, that's gonna be the rest of my night. I'm gonna play, I, we got a Switch.

• 31:00Speaker 01

  Damn.

• 31:01Speaker 00

  I really love the Switch. You play video games at all?

• 31:03Speaker 01

  I, I play one video game. I play one video game only on Xbox and it's unfortunately Madden.

• 31:10Speaker 00

  Whoa.

• 31:10Speaker 01

  I know. It's so humiliating.

• 31:14Speaker 00

  It's kind of like if, it feels almost as if I was like, yeah, I play like one game and it's like Quidditch.

• 31:22Speaker 00

  It's like, it's like, it just feels like you going online and playing Madden like could only result in a harmful like language being thrown at you.

• 31:29Speaker 01

  Oh, I don't, so that's a great point and I do play against strangers on there. But what I do is, this is, this is kind of the fun for me. I mute them immediately, so I can't hear a word they're saying. Then I turn off, on Xbox you can like, replace the game sounds with Spotify.

• 31:45Speaker 00

  Whoa. You're listening to like vibey R and B while you play football?

• 31:50Speaker 01

  Yes. I'm listening, and I'm listening to like folk, I'm listening to like Waxahachie and Nathaniel Rateliff and Kevin Morby. I'm literally listening to like sad folk songs while I fucking dust these teenagers.

• 32:02Speaker 01

  I'm hanging like seventy-five points on some fucking thirteen-year-old in, in Wisconsin, listening to the saddest country song you've ever heard in your life.

• 32:10Speaker 00

  They're on the other side going.

• 32:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're like.

• 32:13Speaker 00

  You just can't hear it.

• 32:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:15Speaker 00

  You're blissed out.

• 32:15Speaker 01

  I'm meanwhile, the lilacs drink the water. I'm fucking. I'm blissed out, I'm stoned, I'm running it up.

• 32:22Speaker 00

  That's so beautiful. I love that, actually. That makes me like it more.

• 32:27Speaker 01

  My favorite thing to do is to start, and for any Madden heads out there, nobody who listens to the show has ever played Madden. I like to very first play, run a hail mary, because I have a specific route that I can hit every time.

• 32:37Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 32:38Speaker 01

  It really scares my opponents.

• 32:40Speaker 00

  I think the worst thing about Madden, and this is the last thing I'll say about Madden.

• 32:43Speaker 01

  Say it.

• 32:44Speaker 00

  Okay, podcast, um, is like, it really makes, it really makes you like, want Michael Vick. Like it, like, because, because.

• 32:57Speaker 01

  What do you mean?

• 32:58Speaker 00

  Cut that, cut that, cut that.

• 33:01Speaker 00

  Well, no, no, no, because, because, because I, I, maybe Madden's not like this anymore, but like, when I was playing it, it was like, Michael Vick is a 100 player, he's like the fastest guy ever, he can throw, like, all the way across the field, like, he's perfect, he can do everything.

• 33:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:20Speaker 00

  And it was crazy to me that they like, kind of kept that.

• 33:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:24Speaker 00

  And despite, like, the dog stuff.

• 33:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:27Speaker 00

  And I do think that was fucked up.

• 33:29Speaker 01

  Skill is skill. You can't lie on the game, he's still that good, even with the dog stuff.

• 33:33Speaker 00

  I guess the dog stuff doesn't affect how good of a player he is, but it feels like there should have been some alluding to that.

• 33:39Speaker 01

  He loses some charisma points or something.

• 33:40Speaker 00

  Yeah, like, yeah, like, maybe he just like, that, maybe we like, they'll make the character like handsome or something, like, I don't know.

• 33:46Speaker 01

  Really funny, because he did like a social ill, we have to like, make him a little ugly in the game at least.

• 33:51Speaker 00

  Well, I thought we have to do something, because it's like.

• 33:53Speaker 01

  He went to prison.

• 33:58Speaker 01

  We did do something, he went to prison.

• 34:01Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, but I don't want to say that's the thing that should happen either.

• 34:04Speaker 01

  Of course, I understand that, yeah.

• 34:06Speaker 00

  God, my politics are so confusing.

• 34:11Speaker 01

  Conservatives would have a field day with this moment. Well, he should be punished, but I know that I can't say prison, so.

• 34:17Speaker 00

  God, so we have to make his character mad and really ugly?

• 34:20Speaker 01

  That is so fucking funny. I would love to see you in charge of the law for a little bit. It would mean the world to me.

• 34:25Speaker 00

  I was, I think I have good politics. I'm just too dumb to figure out what, how to do stuff.

• 34:33Speaker 01

  I don't think you're dumb at all. I think you have great politics. I would love to see you in charge for a couple of weeks.

• 34:37Speaker 00

  I think I could make some real, some real good changes. I mean, I would just get rid, I would just destroy everything. I think really what I see is I would like want to send us back to like pre-industrial revolution.

• 34:48Speaker 01

  How do you mean?

• 34:49Speaker 00

  Like, people will die a little bit earlier in life.

• 34:52Speaker 01

  Totally.

• 34:53Speaker 00

  But like, we'll like farm together and stuff.

• 34:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:56Speaker 00

  And like, we'll kind of have everything that we need within like our little communities.

• 35:01Speaker 01

  That's beautiful local.

• 35:02Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 35:03Speaker 01

  Everything localized.

• 35:04Speaker 00

  And we'll live in kind of like, you know, the, we already have what we have and so, you know, we can kind of like make little like artist houses out of like the skyscrapers and stuff.

• 35:15Speaker 01

  Yeah. Do you have any plan for all of the murder and assault that was going on in those societies?

• 35:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, so I think that like, if we just kind of like talk to each other a little bit more.

• 35:30Speaker 01

  And just say, hey, guys, even if you want your neighbor's land, you can't kill them.

• 35:33Speaker 00

  You can't kill them.

• 35:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:34Speaker 00

  I mean, I think that we do have to, I think ultimately, like, there should be a lot of really cool places. And then there should be like one bad town.

• 35:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:42Speaker 00

  And then we, and then like everybody that like wants to do murders and stuff, it's like we send them all to the bad town.

• 35:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:49Speaker 00

  And it's not prison. Like, they can run that town how they want.

• 35:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:53Speaker 00

  But they're all doing their shit over there. And then maybe they figure out how to work together and how to be in community.

• 35:59Speaker 01

  Crime Town sounds beautiful.

• 36:01Speaker 00

  Crime Town, I think, is a really good idea.

• 36:02Speaker 01

  Crime Island. We're sending you to Crime Island.

• 36:04Speaker 00

  Crime Island does start to get a little bit prison-y to me. I mean, Crime Island is Australia.

• 36:09Speaker 01

  Now that it's an island.

• 36:10Speaker 00

  I think, I think when you, but there's something, there's something there. Somebody who's got, who's, again, smarter than me, will be able to take Crime Town and. Figure out how to make it into something.

• 36:21Speaker 01

  Somebody, I will have a crime town advisor.

• 36:23Speaker 00

  Yeah, I, well, that's, I really think I could be a great, I was like watching Zorin, I was like, I feel like I could do the like, the, the TikToks. And then like.

• 36:33Speaker 01

  You could walk down the street and shake hands.

• 36:34Speaker 00

  Yeah, and then like, I could figure out, I think I'd be a really good judge of like, who could, who could come in and like.

• 36:40Speaker 01

  The Zorin thing is so funny. I love him, obviously. I'm like thrilled that he won. I don't vote here, but I would have very happily voted for him. I would also, if I lived in LA, be voting for Nithya. Uh, for the record, if you're voting in LA, vote for Nithya. Spencer Pratt, um, needs to go to crime town.

• 36:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, he needs to go to crime town.

• 36:55Speaker 01

  He's a fucking, brain dead, belligerent moron. Um, and Karen Bass is useless. But I think it's so funny, the way that like, you kind of like can't control the vibes assessment that you get from the general public in politics. Like, Zorin will do something, he'll walk down the street and shake hands with people, and people will just be like, foaming at the mouth, ravenous for how cool he is, and he is.

• 37:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 37:18Speaker 01

  But then if, like, if Kathy Hochul did the same thing, they'd be like, they'd be ready to kill her. Like, there's just a, and it's, and I also agree with that and feel the same way. But I'm like, how do you, I guess it's just being genuinely cool.

• 37:30Speaker 00

  I think it's being genuinely cool. I think there's a certain level of charisma, and then also just like being pretty normal.

• 37:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:38Speaker 00

  I think like, a, a big problem that I feel like I'm seeing a lot of progressive politicians run into is like, they're trying so hard to perform cool.

• 37:47Speaker 01

  Right.

• 37:47Speaker 00

  That if they were just like earnest and kind of having fun, um, like Zorin's kind of awkward, he's kind of like dorky. And I think that like, if people like, kind of stopped trying to like, I, I don't know, like sell a personality, I think they could do better. Not that Zorin's not doing that, but like.

• 38:04Speaker 01

  Well, they really thought they were gonna get him. It's so funny, all the times they thought they were gonna get him, and then they just boosted his profile by like a million, like, when they put out, they were like, oh my god, look at this humiliating rap that he did, where he was like, twenty-three and shirtless in a whole all cart, and I was like, he looks so fun and pretty hot.

• 38:20Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 38:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, he should be the mayor, like.

• 38:23Speaker 00

  It's like, every time they tried to get him, they like, just like showed like, a norm, like him being a normal guy.

• 38:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 38:29Speaker 00

  And I think that's, that's also something that I think we're missing a lot.

• 38:33Speaker 01

  They did the same thing to AOC. Do you remember when they like, put out that, they were like, they're like, look at this video of her dancing on a rooftop.

• 38:37Speaker 00

  That was crazy.

• 38:38Speaker 01

  It's like, she looks so hot and fun.

• 38:41Speaker 00

  Now, now, now every day, RFK Jr. is dragging a deer, a dead deer across the way house lawn.

• 38:49Speaker 00

  Bringing it in front of a bunch of kids and just fucking stabbing it open. I'm gonna have to be like, oh yeah, when she danced, that was crazy.

• 38:59Speaker 01

  Oh shit, that's so funny. What are you, what are you looking forward to? What are you excited about? What's going on with you?

• 39:07Speaker 00

  Um, I don't know. I, uh, I, I'm like touring. I have like my hour and stuff and I'm, I'm excited to do that more. I really, really like doing shows. I like doing standup a lot. Um, that's a lot of what I look forward to.

• 39:23Speaker 01

  How's the hour going? How has building it been? Like what, have there been parts of it that you were, is this your first hour?

• 39:28Speaker 00

  Uh, yeah, that's my first hour.

• 39:30Speaker 01

  Have there been parts of it that you were surprised by? Like what, how, tell me about building the hour?

• 39:34Speaker 00

  I think like it really started from like, uh, it's been interesting. I think it's also just like evolved throughout my like transition and also like, I think my political perspective, like I think when I started, I was a lot more like, kind of like, I, I wouldn't say they're hacky trans jokes, but they were just like pretty basic about like how it was perceived and stuff.

• 40:00Speaker 01

  Finding, yeah, finding voice, yeah.

• 40:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, and now like, now where I'm at with it is I, I feel so confident in who I am, that it is, what I'm saying is crazy. And I'm like, I'm like screaming and I'm, I'm going nuts about, I don't know, like kind of been like a, like, I don't know, like of bashback sort of way or whatever, like, um, it's less about me being like, oh, I, I hope that people see me as a girl and more me being like, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.

• 40:35Speaker 00

  And I really, I really like that, um.

• 40:37Speaker 01

  You have some of my favorite jokes about gender. You have, there are two jokes of yours in particular that I think about a lot. You have, and I'll butcher them in front of you and I don't care.

• 40:45Speaker 00

  Hell yeah.

• 40:46Speaker 01

  I don't feel embarrassed. I'm gonna butcher your own jokes in front of you. Um, there's the one that you have about being like, about being like, when I was non-binary, I was like, gender's fake, it's completely invented. We don't have to think about this, like grow up.

• 41:00Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 41:01Speaker 01

  And then when I transitioned to being a woman, I was like, I'm a girl.

• 41:06Speaker 00

  I'm actually just a girl. Oh, that's funny. I feel like that's a thing that like trans people do a lot because it's like, it's like, and that's not what, like non-binary is not soft lodging. Transgender.

• 41:18Speaker 01

  No.

• 41:19Speaker 00

  I mean, both are non-binary, people are trans, but like, um, I don't know, it is really funny when you go from non-binary to binary trans, because it's like, gender's made up, and then it's like, but I'm maybe a little bit more like this one.

• 41:33Speaker 01

  But if I had to pick.

• 41:34Speaker 00

  Pick. Um, yeah, I love that chick.

• 41:38Speaker 01

  Well, it's such a funny thing to me about like, the older trans people that I'm friends with, is that they, they have a real, a lot of them are real fucking gripe with non-binary. Cause they love the binary. They're like, no, I was a boy and now I'm a girl, and they're very intense about it.

• 41:53Speaker 00

  That's really something I've, I've been running into a lot, is like, I don't know, there, it, it, trans people are, have such a like diverse array, you know, of opinions about like, transness and like, how they should be perceived, and also like, what we should be doing as trans people. It feels a lot like leftists.

• 42:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:12Speaker 00

  To be real, it's like, so many people have a different idea of it, and they get so mad if someone is doing it the wrong way. I kind of think that that, it, the whole point of like, leftism and transgenderism is being like, oh, you can kind of do whatever you want, that's the point, we're fighting for you to just do however you want to do it, but you just can't tell anyone else how to do it. But yeah, I'm like, meeting older trans people, and they're like, talking to me about, like, I don't know, sometimes I'll be like, oh, like, so like, did you get, like, like, just talk about like, work, getting work done or whatever, and then it is a little bit like, um.

• 42:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, we don't really do that anymore.

• 42:50Speaker 00

  Hi, well, well, we, and we do, and we do, but like, maybe we don't, just kind of spring about people anymore.

• 42:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:59Speaker 00

  Um, I don't know.

• 43:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think if I've learned anything from the older queers in my life in general, it's, uh, sort of sad and sort of beautiful, but it's the idea that truly everybody, no matter who they are, um, every group is susceptible to the idea of aging just makes you more conservative. Like I'll talk to older queer people across the spectrum and almost every single one of them will say something that I'm like, whoa, what the fuck?

• 43:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 43:24Speaker 01

  But it's like, yeah, they, I, I don't know, this is a person who was born in like 1966, like.

• 43:30Speaker 00

  Totally. And also it's like, it's very real that like, I don't know, whatever you feel will help you survive. Especially like, I don't know, it's like trans people like giving me advice, even if it is unsolicited and I don't like the advice that they're giving me. It's like, that is coming from a real place of their experience and like what they think. And I, and I do respect it and I, I take it and like, well, it's not for me, but I don't know.

• 44:01Speaker 01

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• 46:33Speaker 00

  I'm very grateful that I get to know older trans people. I didn't think that that would ever be like a thing for me.

• 46:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 46:40Speaker 00

  Like, that's crazy. I didn't even really know that that was gonna be a thing, like, period. But like, let alone that like, I get to like, talk to them. I don't know.

• 46:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, that makes total sense.

• 46:52Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 46:53Speaker 01

  I think we would, all of us in general, just benefit more from like, the thing you're saying of being like, yeah, someone can tell me something and I can just go, that's not for me, but thank you. It was nice to talk with you about that. I think we all would benefit more from just being like, oh yeah, I don't feel that way. It's okay that you do.

• 47:07Speaker 00

  Yeah, I mean, I think then that feels like security and your identity to me is being like, oh yeah, like, you can say something and I don't feel the same way or like, I don't wanna receive that. But like, that doesn't affect me, like, sure.

• 47:23Speaker 01

  Legit, no worries.

• 47:24Speaker 00

  No worries, I kinda, I kinda got my shit down.

• 47:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:28Speaker 00

  And you got your shit out of that, it's okay. We don't have to change each other's minds. I mean, like, be respectful and stuff, but that's really all I ask.

• 47:37Speaker 01

  Just do whatever you want. I just, I'm like, I don't care, do whatever you want. I'm gonna do what I want, I'm having a great time.

• 47:42Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 47:42Speaker 01

  You can tell me anything you wanna tell me and I'm just like, yeah, I think my favorite people are people that are just like...

• 47:50Speaker 01

  Self-aware and nonplussed. Like, I just love people that are like, "Oh yeah, I know I'm like this, and that's, this is a thing I'm willing to try and change, this is a thing I'm not." Like, just very aware of what's going on with them. I like that.

• 48:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, and it's really comforting, because it is, like, I don't know, it's overwhelming when you're trying so hard to be so many different things the right way. And I think when you let go of that, it is like a very nice feeling to be like, "Oh, I'm just like, gonna be me and like, do this my own way." And your way might be like, some way that I would totally hate, but like, do it.

• 48:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:20Speaker 00

  You can do it.

• 48:22Speaker 01

  Um, getting back to the hour, because I, there was a question I wanted to ask you that I forgot about. Um, when you were building your hour, did you, did you look at it in terms of like, any particular spacing? Like, were you like, "Oh, I'm gonna build two half-hours, and meld them," or "I'm gonna build four fifteen-minute sets"? Like, was there any particular way that you built it out, or did you just kind of like, vibe it?

• 48:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's, I feel, it's kind of like, um, like twenty minutes about, like, me, um, twenty minutes about like, how I grew up, and then maybe like, twenty minutes about just, uh, the world around me, and the world either reacting to me or me reacting to the world. Um, I don't think that was like, super intentional, but like, I, I think that that helped me in terms of like, putting it together, of being like, okay, like, what do I want to get across? If like, somebody's coming and like, seeing me, and it's like, probably my perspective, my experience, and whatever I think is funny right now.

• 49:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:23Speaker 00

  And, yeah, I think, I think it's working really well. I just did it last night, it was really, really fun.

• 49:28Speaker 01

  Where'd you do it?

• 49:29Speaker 00

  Um, uh, I did it for the Netflix is a Joke Festival.

• 49:33Speaker 01

  You were in LA last night?

• 49:34Speaker 00

  I was in LA last night.

• 49:35Speaker 01

  When did you get here?

• 49:36Speaker 00

  This morning.

• 49:37Speaker 01

  Oh my god, Hayden, are you so exhausted?

• 49:40Speaker 00

  I'm doing ten out of ten. I said, "I don't know where Lisbon is," and I think that they should make Michael Vick ugly in the game.

• 49:50Speaker 00

  I'm doing ten out of ten.

• 49:51Speaker 01

  Did you at least have a direct flight overnight?

• 49:53Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 49:53Speaker 01

  Oh, thank God.

• 49:54Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 49:55Speaker 01

  Um, that's sick. Where did you, where did you run it? Like, where, what venue?

• 49:58Speaker 00

  Is that Lyric? Lyric Hyperion?

• 50:00Speaker 01

  Love that place. I'm really excited. I think I'm gonna get to go. I've had on my calendar for months. Um, and I really think I'm gonna get to make it like next weekend. Steve Hernandez is recording his special there.

• 50:10Speaker 00

  Oh, my God.

• 50:12Speaker 01

  And I think I'm gonna get to be there for it. I'm really excited.

• 50:14Speaker 00

  I love Steve Hernandez.

• 50:16Speaker 01

  He's a fucking legend.

• 50:17Speaker 00

  So much.

• 50:18Speaker 01

  Isn't he the best?

• 50:19Speaker 00

  He's the best. Um, yeah, I think like maybe the, I would say like maybe number one straight guy that I, or sorry, not straight guy.

• 50:26Speaker 01

  Please.

• 50:26Speaker 00

  Um, number one, but I, what am I trying to say?

• 50:29Speaker 01

  Exactly what you mean.

• 50:30Speaker 00

  I'm like, I'm like.

• 50:31Speaker 01

  Number one, like cis, like masculine.

• 50:33Speaker 00

  Number one masculine guy.

• 50:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:35Speaker 00

  Like, I, I don't think I've ever met a more positive masculine figure.

• 50:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:42Speaker 00

  Um, but me being like, oh, the best straight guy is like bisexual.

• 50:48Speaker 01

  Bisexual and polyamorous.

• 50:49Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bisexual, polyamorous. Yeah, I don't know. He's second. He's so funny.

• 50:53Speaker 01

  I fucking love Steve. He is like one of the most unexpected. Like, when I moved to LA, I knew Steve, uh, from the internet before I moved to LA cuz he and Amy Miller were truly like so fucking nice to me. Like, I, when I was in Chicago and I had like a little bit of internet attention and like I was like really starting to pick up and like, I was still not bad at stand up, but like, I was very bad at stand up at one point. At this point, I was decent, but I was like really still figuring out my voice.

• 51:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 51:17Speaker 01

  Amy and Steve, Amy Miller and Steve Hernandez, truly took such good care of me. They like found out I was coming to LA and they were like, Amy was like, I'm gonna call the Lyric Hyperion and like try and get you a show slot and like got me booked at Lyric for a headlining show. And they put me on their podcast and Amy like, Amy was like, if there's any comics you wanna know, like, let me introduce you. And Steve, same thing. Like, Steve was like, if you decide to move to LA, like, hit me up and like truly, like, I owe them so much for their, like, help to me at that time.

• 51:46Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 51:46Speaker 01

  And I was just blown away. I think they're both so fucking funny, but I was blown away by Steve's point of view and like perspective.

• 51:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, I just don't think I'd ever met anyone like, like who would like, I don't know. But talk, talked about that stuff before and like also like talked about it with such like the, there's like a masculine bravado to talking about like queerness. That I had not encountered before and I was like, oh, that's so sick. I love that.

• 52:15Speaker 01

  Yeah. He's up there being like, come on fellas. If you've never been in the ass, you haven't lived.

• 52:19Speaker 00

  He's like, he's like, he's like slapping a football being like, man. Once a guy, you think it's, you're not going back. I'm telling you, it's great. I love that.

• 52:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, he, he fucking cracks him up and Amy too. Amy's so goddamn funny.

• 52:40Speaker 00

  Yeah, and so sweet.

• 52:41Speaker 01

  Amy Miller is a fucking killer. She's so good. She has a, yeah, I, I, I won't butcher her jokes to you, but they're both just so, so, so fucking funny. LA has a lot of like truly, for all the jokes about the LA comedy scene, which are all valid.

• 52:57Speaker 00

  And very valid, yeah.

• 52:58Speaker 01

  Completely valid, all true, based 100% in facts and data. For all of that, there are just like some fucking amazing comics in LA that, that are, I'm just like, oh my God, you should be so much more famous than some of the people that are famous for this. They're so much better.

• 53:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's weird. I mean, I, I don't, I, I, I don't know if like it's, if the move is to come here and like do more stand up, but like.

• 53:22Speaker 01

  For you, you mean?

• 53:23Speaker 00

  Well, for like, I, there are a lot of people who I think could be like really, really good at stand up, but they want to stay in LA so that they can like act and stuff. Um, and like, that's totally valid, or they just want to stay in LA because they want to stay in LA.

• 53:36Speaker 01

  I think staying in LA to stay in LA is valid. At this point, staying in LA because you want to act is like, it's like staying in Atlantis because you like being above water.

• 53:46Speaker 01

  That isn't happening there anymore. Like, that's over.

• 53:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 53:50Speaker 01

  It doesn't make any sense, but LA is such a beautiful place to live. It's like, stay because you enjoy living there.

• 53:54Speaker 00

  It really, it really is. I love LA. LA's so good.

• 53:58Speaker 01

  You think you'd ever move here?

• 53:59Speaker 00

  I do think about it. I, well, I, I really, um, I really want to have the, that experience and, um, I really like my quality of life in LA. I really like being in the sun. I really like my people. But God, to miss out on living in.

• 54:20Speaker 00

  New York City.

• 54:21Speaker 01

  New York, the Big Apple.

• 54:22Speaker 00

  City.

• 54:23Speaker 01

  That was kinda why I moved to. I was just like, I was, I'm sure I'll move back to, I was telling someone the other night, like, I imagine in three years, I will probably move back to LA for multiple years and then move back to New York. I feel like I'm just gonna ping pong my whole life.

• 54:35Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 54:35Speaker 01

  And then I'll do something fucking random and move to like Amsterdam or something, but I really was about to turn thirty and I was like, oh fuck, I'm, I am not gonna wanna do this when I'm forty, I don't think. So I better go do it now.

• 54:48Speaker 00

  Well, I really wanna like, go out more and be around people more and I, I, I'm sure I could make that happen in LA, but it feels like a lot more work than to do it here. Whenever I'm here, somebody invites me out like every single night.

• 55:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:02Speaker 00

  And that's so great. And when I'm in LA, people want me dead. Maybe people don't like me. But, but like, that's how, people just don't wanna go and do stuff. I think they're tired of driving, they don't wanna drive.

• 55:14Speaker 01

  People don't want you dead in LA, they just do not wanna leave the house.

• 55:18Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 55:18Speaker 01

  It's very, very rare for people to wanna leave the house in LA.

• 55:21Speaker 00

  I, I think that's it. I really, my dream, my absolute dream is I really wanna like, have like, some, some land that I like collectively share with a bunch of other people and we can all have little, like tiny homes on it or something.

• 55:36Speaker 01

  Where do you imagine that's gonna happen?

• 55:37Speaker 00

  I don't know, maybe like the Pacific Northwest or something.

• 55:41Speaker 01

  I think you'd be the first queer person to ever try and do that in the Pacific Northwest.

• 55:45Speaker 00

  I don't, yeah, if I do it in the, well.

• 55:50Speaker 01

  And guess what? I'll be there.

• 55:51Speaker 00

  Oh, and please do, I really think it could be so beautiful. I mean, I just like, I miss hanging out. I like want, I want everybody to be hanging out and I think that if we all lived twenty feet away from each other, maybe a little farther, right?

• 56:06Speaker 01

  Maybe thirty, forty.

• 56:06Speaker 00

  Maybe thirty, forty?

• 56:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:07Speaker 00

  Um, then I think it would be really easy.

• 56:10Speaker 01

  I'm down. Unfortunately, I'm trying to make this, this pitch is not working because of the state politics, but I'm trying to make this pitch for Missouri because Kansas City is so great and so easy to get. It's an hour to Chicago, it's an hour to Atlanta, it's three to New York and three to LA. It's like, the perfect place for touring artists in general. And I keep trying to make this pitch and everyone's like, we don't wanna live in Missouri due to the Christo fascist government. I'm like, totally, totally, totally. And I get it. So it's not happening for me where I want it to happen, but I do have the same vision as you.

• 56:39Speaker 00

  I'll come, I'll get a gun.

• 56:41Speaker 01

  Come and get a gun. That's what a lot of my trans friends are doing in Kansas City.

• 56:44Speaker 00

  Hell, yeah.

• 56:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, they're definitely, people are getting armed that have never thought about getting guns before. I'll tell you that.

• 56:48Speaker 00

  I love that. I think that's so sick.

• 56:49Speaker 01

  I think it's chic as fuck.

• 56:51Speaker 00

  I think that we gotta do it. I mean, it's just, it's not gonna be, unfortunately, it's not looking like fascism's gonna end with us all kind of praying.

• 57:03Speaker 00

  I do think that it's gonna involve some guns at some point, and so I don't think it's a bad idea for us to all brush up a bit.

• 57:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:11Speaker 00

  I got some, you know? I was an Eagle Scout.

• 57:14Speaker 01

  Oh, I can shoot.

• 57:15Speaker 00

  I can shoot.

• 57:15Speaker 01

  I'm a great shot. I don't wanna, here's the thing, though. I'll move before I get involved in any sort of gun revolution. I'll go somewhere else. I love this country up to a point.

• 57:24Speaker 00

  It's not that I love this country, but I love revolution.

• 57:30Speaker 01

  See, I'm the opposite.

• 57:32Speaker 00

  I'm in Les Mis.

• 57:33Speaker 01

  I'm in Les Mis?

• 57:34Speaker 00

  I'm in Les Mis. I think I can really Les Mis my life.

• 57:38Speaker 01

  We keep going back and forth about whether or not I love this country. Sometimes I'm like, of course, objectively, I don't. How could I? And then other times I'm like, I really do love this country. I love like, I don't love our government, but I love like, the people and my experiences here and it being home and like, the, I love like, the physical beauty of this country. Like, there are things I love about this country. And I go back and forth about what that means. I'm like, am I patriotic? And then I'm like, ooh, is it actually patriotic? Is it patriotic how much I hate this country?

• 58:05Speaker 00

  I think, I mean, I think it's like, it's like, all you can really care about is people, right? And, and the people that you're around. It's like, hard to care about like, a, a thing, like, a country, because like, what is a country? You know, a government or whatever?

• 58:22Speaker 01

  I've been thinking about this a lot. What is a country? Is it a government? Is it a border? Is it a, I don't think it's a border, but I'm like, that is what would technically define the, the space of a country.

• 58:31Speaker 00

  So I think it's just like, yeah, I, I love people in my community. I love people that I'm around. I love the beauty in the place that I grew up and drive through or whatever. And I would, I would defend that against like, data centers or whatever, I, whatever it's gonna be.

• 58:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:48Speaker 00

  I think they're gonna, I think that pretty soon they're gonna introduce like, the big smashing robot that like, destroys mountains. And I'm ready, I'm pretty sure that's coming soon.

• 58:58Speaker 01

  I'm ready to kill the robot, yeah.

• 59:00Speaker 00

  Yeah, they're like, oh, the robot that mows down every tree, every tree. Or whatever. It's gonna be the Lorax soon. It's like, I know it's like, oh, haha, jokes, jokes, jokes, but it's, it's gonna be the Lorax soon.

• 59:13Speaker 01

  Very soon.

• 59:14Speaker 00

  I really think it is, and we're gonna have to kill the one slur.

• 59:18Speaker 01

  Do you know what, though? I fucking love being American. Like, when Europeans make fun of Americans and they're like, "You guys are so loud and annoying and like, you think that your culture is the center of the universe." I'm like,

• 59:30Speaker 01

  I don't know, I kinda just love being American. I love being loud as fuck in Paris. I love, I love annoying little French people giving me side eye. Like, I give a fuck what they think. I'm like, yeah, I'm fucking fat and loud and tall and American and I love it.

• 59:42Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 59:45Speaker 01

  I can't get enough of it. Fuck a baguette.

• 59:49Speaker 01

  I love calories and being loud and country music and football.

• 59:53Speaker 01

  My dick. I love it. I completely love it.

• 59:56Speaker 00

  Wow, you are American.

• 59:57Speaker 01

  I love movies. I love everything we do.

• 1:00:03Speaker 00

  I love movies.

• 1:00:04Speaker 01

  I love the California coast. I love, I love the fruited plains.

• 1:00:08Speaker 00

  You should write a country song. This is crazy. This is a shirt.

• 1:00:13Speaker 01

  Fuck everybody. I love America in some ways.

• 1:00:17Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:00:18Speaker 01

  And tell that to the French people.

• 1:00:20Speaker 00

  Yeah, I mean, I do think they get a little, they get a little obsessed with, with, with rules. I like, what I, what I do like about American culture is that I do think there's, there's an idea. I don't know that we follow it, but like, that like, oh, nobody's gonna fuck with us. Like, we're not gonna listen to anybody else's rules, you know? We're not gonna let anyone step on us or whatever.

• 1:00:44Speaker 01

  Totally, and that's when we start doing war crimes.

• 1:00:45Speaker 00

  And then, yeah.

• 1:00:46Speaker 01

  And I'll say, that's where I step off. Right at our war crimes, I do start to step away.

• 1:00:52Speaker 00

  But if that idea, like, like, if that idea was cool, that would be really great. Of just being like, I'm gonna do me, fuck you, you can't tell me what to do.

• 1:01:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:03Speaker 00

  I like that idea. I don't like that that involves the destruction of the world.

• 1:01:08Speaker 01

  Not into that part of it at all.

• 1:01:10Speaker 00

  Into that part at all, but I don't know. I really feel like there's just, there's just a little misaligning where we could really get some people to turn over into being like, oh, wait, I don't think that like the governments. I like, I don't, I don't think, it doesn't have to be this way. I guess that's, I think people really feel like it has to be this way.

• 1:01:30Speaker 01

  What is so true to you, Hayden?

• 1:01:32Speaker 00

  Oh, I have one. Um, okay.

• 1:01:35Speaker 01

  You'll be the first.

• 1:01:36Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, okay. And this goes kind of along with what we've been talking about.

• 1:01:44Speaker 00

  Um, okay, I don't, I think that people have to stop making fun of furries. Full stop.

• 1:01:52Speaker 01

  Say that.

• 1:01:52Speaker 00

  I think that they, they are amazing. They're sweet people. And also, it's, it, well, well, also it's hack. It's hack as hell. It's like, it's like, we've heard it. You think they're weird, bitch, you're weird. Your boyfriend hates you. It's like, it's like, I promise you're weird. Also.

• 1:02:10Speaker 01

  Also, they're eye doctors.

• 1:02:12Speaker 00

  They, they have a lot, they, they have a lot going on.

• 1:02:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:16Speaker 00

  We're gonna need them for the revolution.

• 1:02:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, we do.

• 1:02:18Speaker 00

  When the revolution comes, we'll need their hacking.

• 1:02:21Speaker 01

  It'll come in a tail.

• 1:02:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's right.

• 1:02:23Speaker 01

  When the revolution comes, it'll be wearing the ears.

• 1:02:29Speaker 00

  And these people have money.

• 1:02:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:31Speaker 00

  And, and when we go up against the American government, we're gonna have to do guerrilla warfare, you know? It's not gonna be pretty, but like, we're gonna have to be in the woods and stuff.

• 1:02:39Speaker 01

  And who's gonna wanna be the gorilla?

• 1:02:41Speaker 00

  That's right.

• 1:02:43Speaker 00

  That's right.

• 1:02:43Speaker 01

  Furries.

• 1:02:44Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:02:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:45Speaker 00

  Well, they're gonna be looking for a bunch of people. They're gonna be looking for a bunch of people hiding out in the woods.

• 1:02:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:50Speaker 00

  They're not gonna, they're, they're gonna see a bunch of, a bunch of deers and foxes and they're gonna go, well, not, they're not here.

• 1:02:55Speaker 01

  They're gonna go, that's so realistic, that fox. That has to be real.

• 1:02:59Speaker 00

  That fox must be real. It's so tall and standing on two legs. And then they turn around, that fox has a gun.

• 1:03:05Speaker 01

  Hello.

• 1:03:05Speaker 00

  That's right.

• 1:03:06Speaker 01

  That's just a fox grazing in the forest. Surprise, the fox has a shotgun. You're done.

• 1:03:09Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:03:10Speaker 01

  You're cooked.

• 1:03:10Speaker 00

  I think that's how we win.

• 1:03:12Speaker 01

  I think that's beautiful.

• 1:03:13Speaker 00

  And I don't think, I, yeah, I think, I think they're so lovely. I just don't think we should be...

• 1:03:17Speaker 01

  I'm an ally to the furry community. Everyone that I've met has been absolutely lovely. I don't wanna be personally involved with the costumes, but I, I love seeing them do their thing. I love that they have entire like personalities and personas for them.

• 1:03:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:03:28Speaker 01

  I think it's beautiful and creative and wonderful.

• 1:03:30Speaker 00

  Me too. I don't have enough closet space, otherwise, you know.

• 1:03:34Speaker 01

  Or, I mean, the financial investment is crazy.

• 1:03:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:03:37Speaker 01

  The financial investment is crazy. You could buy like a very nice luxury vehicle for what they're spending on these costumes.

• 1:03:44Speaker 00

  Yeah. And in a way, isn't that beautiful that they spent it on a handcrafted sort of piece of art?

• 1:03:51Speaker 01

  More people should do things like that.

• 1:03:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:03:53Speaker 01

  That is absolutely beautiful. We need the furries. We'll need them in the revolution.

• 1:03:56Speaker 00

  We will.

• 1:03:57Speaker 01

  I send my love to them.

• 1:03:58Speaker 00

  Me too.

• 1:03:59Speaker 01

  And by the way, they hurt nobody.

• 1:04:00Speaker 00

  They hurt nobody.

• 1:04:02Speaker 01

  They hurt nobody. They're not recruiting like Christians.

• 1:04:04Speaker 00

  No.

• 1:04:05Speaker 01

  You're welcome if you wanna come, but they're not out-firing.

• 1:04:07Speaker 00

  No, and, and if they did, then, you know, we could talk about that.

• 1:04:13Speaker 00

  But they're not. They're, they're existing. They're being lovely. They're being kind to each other. Like, their community is mostly like free of Nazis, I think.

• 1:04:22Speaker 01

  I think it's a totally Nazi-free space.

• 1:04:23Speaker 00

  Ah, there's, I think there's a couple in there. There's a couple in there. But they get like excommunicated. They're like, you know, they're really good about keeping the Nazis out. Something that the Christians...

• 1:04:34Speaker 01

  Are historically bad.

• 1:04:35Speaker 00

  Not so big on.

• 1:04:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, they elect them. Yeah.

• 1:04:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, they really like them. They like keeping them around.

• 1:04:40Speaker 01

  I think this is completely beautiful. Do you have a furry in your life?

• 1:04:43Speaker 00

  I have a couple, and they're all really nice.

• 1:04:45Speaker 01

  That is beautiful.

• 1:04:46Speaker 00

  Yeah, I like, I just, I, I feel like, I also feel like there's a little bit of shame there because for a while it was like, you know, you're in like middle school or whatever and you're like, that's, that's weird, that's... That's creep, you know, it's like, it's like you, you don't understand that and you wanna not be different.

• 1:05:03Speaker 01

  I mean, to your point, it's not weirder than being in a loveless marriage of convenience.

• 1:05:07Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:05:08Speaker 01

  That's way fucking weirder and a lot of people do that every single day and we're expected to interact with them like they're fucking interesting and they're not.

• 1:05:14Speaker 00

  Yeah, and I think there's something about like growing up and also being like, oh, again with what we were talking about is just being like, oh, I can just like do whatever I want and I should be allowed to do whatever I want, whatever makes me happy. And if that's furries, furries shit, go off. I think that's so cool. I think that's so cool.

• 1:05:32Speaker 01

  I think that's so cool. Shout out to furries and their fursonos.

• 1:05:35Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:05:35Speaker 01

  I love them. I want them to be well and I do welcome them in the revolution and I think when the revolution comes, I hope that they'll be out there on the front lines.

• 1:05:44Speaker 00

  I don't, we don't need them to be on the front lines?

• 1:05:46Speaker 01

  They need to be on the front lines. They need to be on the front lines. I'm gonna be sending love to them from a safe location, somewhere far away.

• 1:05:54Speaker 00

  Y'all, start putting vests inside those suits.

• 1:05:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, vests up.

• 1:05:58Speaker 00

  That could be, I think that could be cool.

• 1:05:59Speaker 01

  I'm gonna be posting on my Instagram story, shout out to all the furries in Cleveland today that were a part of the battle.

• 1:06:06Speaker 01

  I'm on like a terrace. I'm on, I'm on a terrace in Abitha.

• 1:06:11Speaker 00

  Yeah, on Signal. Wow. I love it.

• 1:06:16Speaker 01

  Oh, that's so funny. Do you have any skills I don't know about? Do you have any useful skills for the revolution or otherwise?

• 1:06:22Speaker 00

  God. Oh no.

• 1:06:25Speaker 01

  I know how good you are at comedy.

• 1:06:27Speaker 00

  Yeah, I'm kind of just like nice to be around sometimes.

• 1:06:31Speaker 01

  I completely agree.

• 1:06:32Speaker 00

  Um, oh gosh. I, I like cooking. I'm getting into cooking a lot.

• 1:06:37Speaker 01

  Ooh, what are you making?

• 1:06:39Speaker 00

  I'm making a lot of, I really love breakfast. I'm making a lot of curries. Um, I'm making a lot of salmon.

• 1:06:47Speaker 01

  What kind of curries?

• 1:06:49Speaker 00

  Uh, you know, just like a, just like a golden curry.

• 1:06:52Speaker 01

  Ooh.

• 1:06:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, red curry. Um, I don't know. I really like spicy food. A lot of the people in my life don't like spicy food, so it's kind of.

• 1:07:01Speaker 01

  I do.

• 1:07:02Speaker 00

  You do?

• 1:07:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, I would eat, I would, if you made spicy curry for me, I would eat, I would go crazy.

• 1:07:05Speaker 00

  Okay, well, when you're in LA for Steve Fernandez is.

• 1:07:09Speaker 01

  You won't be back yet, though, will you?

• 1:07:10Speaker 00

  Will I? Yeah, I'll be back.

• 1:07:12Speaker 01

  I thought you were gonna be here for like two weeks.

• 1:07:13Speaker 00

  I'll be here for a week.

• 1:07:14Speaker 01

  Oh, wow. You'll be back. This is huge. Will you make curry for me, for real?

• 1:07:18Speaker 00

  Absolutely.

• 1:07:18Speaker 01

  Do you mean it?

• 1:07:19Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 1:07:20Speaker 01

  Can I hang out with your boyfriends?

• 1:07:21Speaker 00

  Definitely. I would love for you to meet my boyfriend.

• 1:07:22Speaker 01

  Oh, my god. Life is so good right now. Do I get to meet all five or just the two mains?

• 1:07:26Speaker 00

  Um, the, I would say the two mains, but the other three come around sometimes. One of them's not, not around at the moment.

• 1:07:34Speaker 01

  Okay. No worries.

• 1:07:36Speaker 00

  I'm like.

• 1:07:38Speaker 01

  Extremely vague and scary, and I actually don't want you to go anymore into that. I'd rather play a game.

• 1:07:44Speaker 00

  I'm like, I'm like, they're in Europe. They're not.

• 1:07:46Speaker 01

  They're not around right now.

• 1:07:47Speaker 00

  They're not in.

• 1:07:48Speaker 01

  They're unavailable.

• 1:07:49Speaker 00

  In the woods.

• 1:07:50Speaker 01

  Uh, Hayden, I'm gonna read you 15 statements. You're gonna tell me as quickly as you can if what I just said was true or false. And baby, if you get 10 or more correct, we're gonna give you 50 US dollars.

• 1:07:59Speaker 00

  Can I double or nothing?

• 1:08:00Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:08:01Speaker 00

  Great. Wait.

• 1:08:02Speaker 01

  You're the first person to ever ask.

• 1:08:03Speaker 00

  Wait, how do I double or nothing?

• 1:08:05Speaker 01

  You're the first person to ask. I don't know what it means, but we'll do it.

• 1:08:07Speaker 00

  Okay, great, great, great.

• 1:08:08Speaker 01

  If you, here's what I'll tell you. Okay, so you need to get 10 or more correct to get 50 dollars. How about if you get 13 or more correct, I'll give you 150 dollars?

• 1:08:19Speaker 00

  Work.

• 1:08:19Speaker 01

  You ready? Okay.

• 1:08:20Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 1:08:20Speaker 01

  Walk in. Okay, Rugrats ran for nine seasons.

• 1:08:24Speaker 00

  True.

• 1:08:24Speaker 01

  That is true. The iPhone 5S was released in 2013.

• 1:08:28Speaker 00

  False.

• 1:08:28Speaker 01

  That is true. Chimpanzees are herbivores.

• 1:08:32Speaker 00

  True.

• 1:08:32Speaker 01

  That is true. All metals are magnetic.

• 1:08:35Speaker 00

  False.

• 1:08:36Speaker 01

  That is false. Monroe, Ohio's motto is firmly founded, proudly growing.

• 1:08:42Speaker 00

  True.

• 1:08:42Speaker 01

  That is true. Jimmy John's was founded in 1983.

• 1:08:47Speaker 00

  True.

• 1:08:48Speaker 01

  That is true. One light year is a measurement of time.

• 1:08:52Speaker 00

  Uh, true.

• 1:08:52Speaker 01

  False, it's distance.

• 1:08:53Speaker 00

  Hey, fuck.

• 1:08:54Speaker 01

  Jellyfish are 95% water.

• 1:08:56Speaker 00

  True.

• 1:08:57Speaker 01

  True. The Mojave, the home, the Mojave Desert is in Africa.

• 1:09:01Speaker 00

  False.

• 1:09:01Speaker 01

  False in the US. Ohio, is it Mojave or Mojave?

• 1:09:04Speaker 00

  Uh, Mojave.

• 1:09:05Speaker 01

  Thank you. Ohio University's mascot is Randy the Bobcat.

• 1:09:09Speaker 00

  False.

• 1:09:09Speaker 01

  False, it's Rufus the Bobcat.

• 1:09:10Speaker 00

  Hell, yeah.

• 1:09:11Speaker 01

  All, all arachnids have eight legs.

• 1:09:15Speaker 00

  False.

• 1:09:17Speaker 03

  True.

• 1:09:18Speaker 01

  It is true. Carly Rae Jepsen played soccer in college.

• 1:09:46Speaker 03

  It's a bunch of like, science and history.

• 1:09:54Speaker 03

  I went double or nothing on who Carly Rae Jepsen played soccer.

• 1:10:01Speaker 01

  True.

• 1:10:01Speaker 02

  False.

• 1:10:11Speaker 03

  That's crazy.

• 1:10:13Speaker 01

  Oh my god. A heptagon has seven sides.

• 1:10:19Speaker 03

  True.

• 1:10:19Speaker 01

  That is true. Switzerland is landlocked.

• 1:10:23Speaker 03

  True.

• 1:10:24Speaker 01

  True. Bonnie Raitt has never won the Grammy for Album of the Year.

• 1:10:28Speaker 02

  False.

• 1:10:28Speaker 01

  That is false. I'm so sorry, I think you got 12.

• 1:10:31Speaker 02

  12?

• 1:10:32Speaker 01

  Oh, my god.

• 1:10:33Speaker 03

  That's okay.

• 1:10:34Speaker 01

  So now you get nothing.

• 1:10:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:10:38Speaker 03

  And all because I hadn't been following what Carly Rae Jepsen was doing in college.

• 1:10:46Speaker 03

  You could have asked me, you could have asked me anything about her and it would have been pretty 50/50 if I'd get it. Who could know about it? Was she really good?

• 1:10:56Speaker 02

  She did not, so no.

• 1:10:58Speaker 01

  She didn't play.

• 1:10:58Speaker 03

  Oh, why, whoa, whoa.

• 1:11:00Speaker 01

  Chance just goes into his fucking weird little brain and pulls out something to say. He's a sick, and he get, by the way, he gets a lot of them wrong. There's a lot of contest, there's a lot of contesting.

• 1:11:09Speaker 02

  Please, please, sir, stop.

• 1:11:10Speaker 03

  I'm gonna, does anyone, do you have Carly Rae Jepsen's contact?

• 1:11:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, you wanna call her?

• 1:11:15Speaker 03

  I would love to.

• 1:11:16Speaker 01

  No, I'm kidding, could you imagine? I have her number and we call her right now and go, "Did you play, is there any, did you ever touch a soccer ball in college?" I'm talking one afternoon with friends is all I need.

• 1:11:26Speaker 00

  Carly Rae Jemson, I'm calling on you, please.

• 1:11:28Speaker 01

  Once, once in the park with friends, if you touch the soccer ball, I think I can get this money, please. Oh my god. Hayden, tell people where they can find you, please, and how they can support you.

• 1:11:38Speaker 00

  Oh my god, yeah, you can, you can follow me on Instagram at underscore Hayden underscore Johnson. I'm also on Blue Sky, if people are, I'm trying to get people into Blue Sky. I really think we should get into Blue Sky, I think Blue Sky is good.

• 1:11:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:11:53Speaker 00

  You gotta get past some of this shit, but I think it's fun, I think it can be fun over there, but nobody's joining.

• 1:11:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:11:59Speaker 00

  It's just me and like 10 weirdos.

• 1:12:04Speaker 00

  And then I'm touring right now, my hour is called Piss Queen. I'm in a bunch of cities, I don't know when this comes out, but you can find it on my Instagram.

• 1:12:12Speaker 01

  Hell yeah, rock on, thanks for doing it, this was great.

• 1:12:14Speaker 00

  Thanks for having me.