Taylor Ortega Returns

Welcome! This week is the return of the hilarious Taylor Ortega! Taylor and Caleb talk bad boys, good boys, a certain docuseries, Taylor’s behavior at Caleb’s birthday party, Jane Goodall, and much more! Watch Taylor in the new show Big Mistakes now streaming on Netflix! Join our Substack for ad free full episodes, early access to merch, our community chat, and more! https://calebsaysthings.substack.com/ Follow Taylor! @taylortega Follow the show! @sooootruepod Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloud Find exactly what you’re booking for at Booking.com. Book today on the site or in the app. Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at https://RocketMoney.com/SOTRUE Try Domino's Parmesan Stuffed Crust Pizza today at https://dominos.com So True with Caleb Hearon is edited and engineered by Nicole Lyons. Our social media manager is Virginia Muller. All episodes are filmed in The So Trudio at Legitimate Business World Headquarters in Brooklyn, New York. A Wave series. wavesportsandentertainment.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

• 0:01Speaker 00

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• 1:33Speaker 03

  You be you.

• 1:34Speaker 04

  Okay, and you be Dan.

• 1:35Speaker 03

  I'll be Dan, and you tell me that you're pregnant.

• 1:39Speaker 04

  Oh my god, I'm so excited for season two. I have some more big news for you.

• 1:43Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:45Speaker 04

  I'm pregnant.

• 1:48Speaker 03

  Wow! (laughing)

• 1:56Speaker 03

  Tyler.

• 1:57Speaker 04

  Okay, hey.

• 1:57Speaker 03

  Tyler.

• 1:59Speaker 04

  It's not how you say it.

• 2:00Speaker 03

  Tyler.

• 2:01Speaker 04

  We could try it.

• 2:02Speaker 03

  Tyler Ortega.

• 2:03Speaker 04

  I'm not really a nicknames person.

• 2:04Speaker 03

  Hey, girl.

• 2:05Speaker 04

  Hey, thanks for having me back.

• 2:06Speaker 03

  Hey, it's so nice to have you.

• 2:07Speaker 04

  You can, I look a little different this time.

• 2:09Speaker 03

  Well, you've switched up on everybody. You got big and famous and you switched up on everybody.

• 2:12Speaker 04

  I know, this is the official week of me switching up.

• 2:14Speaker 03

  I haven't heard from you.

• 2:15Speaker 04

  I've switched up in like, it's been like two days and you have not heard from me.

• 2:18Speaker 03

  You've been avoiding me.

• 2:19Speaker 04

  I know. Well, yeah.

• 2:20Speaker 03

  And then when you got here this morning, I said, hey, girl, it's so good to see you. I love that we've been friends for so long. And you said, I'm sorry, remind me your name?

• 2:27Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:28Speaker 03

  I'm gonna call you Fat Gay Guy until I remember.

• 2:30Speaker 04

  That's what I've always called you, to be fair.

• 2:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, that is fair.

• 2:34Speaker 04

  That's what you are.

• 2:34Speaker 03

  That's always been our thing, first of all.

• 2:36Speaker 04

  That's what you are on my phone.

• 2:37Speaker 03

  Oh, hold on, Fat Gay Guy's calling. Hello?

• 2:41Speaker 04

  I go, hey gorgeous.

• 2:41Speaker 03

  Hey gorgeous.

• 2:42Speaker 04

  I'm sorry that I slid into your DMs and sexually harassed you the other day, but I just found out about your gorgeous legs.

• 2:49Speaker 03

  Did you sexually harass me the other day?

• 2:51Speaker 04

  Cause you had your legs out on your story, cause you're wearing your little short shorts and you were posting it to, I think, receive that kind of attention. But as a woman, I understand that sometimes it's like, I'm feeling, I'm posting a sexy pic for me, not for you to be thirsty in my DMs.

• 3:04Speaker 03

  Yeah. Um, I guess what I would say is, um, obviously you're a close, personal friend. You're a member of the family.

• 3:12Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 3:12Speaker 03

  In many ways, so you can always talk about my body in any way you want to, positive, negative, or otherwise.

• 3:16Speaker 04

  Oh, I didn't know, I could do negative.

• 3:18Speaker 03

  You can go negative.

• 3:18Speaker 04

  I'll try.

• 3:19Speaker 03

  Um, the issue with me posting, yeah, look, I have incredible strong legs. I have this beautiful face.

• 3:24Speaker 04

  I'm learning I have a leg thing, too.

• 3:25Speaker 03

  You have a leg thing?

• 3:26Speaker 04

  I think I have a leg thing.

• 3:27Speaker 03

  You totally do. I've heard you talk about Cobb's legs and it gets very quick.

• 3:30Speaker 04

  Cobb has the most beautiful legs. I can't help it. I love when men have like, strong, muscular, gorgeous legs.

• 3:35Speaker 03

  I'm really strong, people don't like to talk about it, but here's the issue.

• 3:38Speaker 04

  You are really strong. One of our friends said one time that you flipped her over a couch and it made her kinda horny.

• 3:42Speaker 03

  Yeah, I hated that. I hated that. But the issue is, when I post things where I look sexy, okay? When I'm specifically posting to be like, now, in that moment, I was actually posting because I was raising money for the transgender community.

• 3:54Speaker 04

  Right, right.

• 3:57Speaker 03

  So if we could just insert some applause, the things I do for this community, I go out of my way.

• 4:00Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 4:01Speaker 03

  But I was posting leg to show how sexy I am, and guess what happens to me every time?

• 4:04Speaker 04

  Lesbians only.

• 4:05Speaker 03

  Lesbians only!

• 4:06Speaker 04

  I know, I know.

• 4:07Speaker 03

  Lesbians, get out of my DMs!

• 4:08Speaker 04

  I know, I know.

• 4:10Speaker 03

  They're gumming up the words.

• 4:11Speaker 04

  I know, but you kind of are like a lesbian hall pass vibe.

• 4:16Speaker 03

  I want to cry. Do you know how many fucking screaming, barking horny lesbians I have to filter through to find one eligible twink?

• 4:22Speaker 04

  I don't know what it is. Like, I don't know, like, because we've also gotten so down the rabbit hole of like, do you dress like a lesbian? Does a lesbian dress like you? Where is the root of, you know what I mean?

• 4:34Speaker 03

  I think we sorted that, yeah.

• 4:35Speaker 04

  Like, what is it?

• 4:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 4:36Speaker 04

  We can't, it would take us too long to trace it back, and what's the point?

• 4:39Speaker 03

  I think we've figured it out, but yeah.

• 4:41Speaker 04

  And it's like, you're, you always have them in tow.

• 4:44Speaker 03

  I know. I hang out with too many of them. I look, I love the lesbian community. I've, I've gotten in trouble in the past for speaking on them. Sorry, this is the only people I hang out with. I'm gonna have to speak on them.

• 4:53Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 4:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, they're always thirsting over me, and it's like, they're in my DMs barking, and I need the gay men to, the gay men are in there. I just, there's-

• 5:00Speaker 04

  They're in there.

• 5:00Speaker 03

  They're being fucking overrun by these lesbians.

• 5:03Speaker 04

  Do you think that they're being really respectful or something?

• 5:05Speaker 03

  The gay guys?

• 5:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 5:07Speaker 03

  No.

• 5:07Speaker 04

  They're disgusting.

• 5:08Speaker 03

  They're disgusting animals, and I want to have sex with them.

• 5:11Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 5:11Speaker 03

  But the lesbians are being even more disgusting.

• 5:13Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 5:14Speaker 03

  And the lesbians are, are putting it in this way that's like, oh my god, I love your legs, like, please, can I have your sperm for my partner?

• 5:20Speaker 04

  Okay, I didn't ask that, but I might, at one point.

• 5:24Speaker 03

  You mean it?

• 5:25Speaker 04

  Yeah. Oh my god, are you kidding?

• 5:26Speaker 03

  Would you consider my sperm?

• 5:27Speaker 04

  Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?

• 5:29Speaker 03

  You mean it?

• 5:30Speaker 04

  Of course. Yeah, yes.

• 5:32Speaker 03

  Tell her.

• 5:32Speaker 04

  You're gorgeous, you're successful, your baby pictures are loco.

• 5:37Speaker 03

  I want to give you my sperm. I mean, like, in a totally medical, clinical way.

• 5:41Speaker 04

  Fine.

• 5:43Speaker 03

  Are you gonna have kids?

• 5:45Speaker 04

  I think about it. It's something I don't want to do until my 40s, which is a little bit sooner than people might realize.

• 5:53Speaker 03

  Which is god knows how many years from now, by the way.

• 5:55Speaker 04

  It's on the soon side, but I mean, deep in there, you know what I mean? I just think having kids is for your 40s, and I think, uh, but I am starting to, like, my friendship circle, like, there are friends in my life where the whole crew has babies, and that's really insane.

• 6:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 6:10Speaker 04

  And I go, oh, but we're so young.

• 6:12Speaker 03

  I think you'd be an incredible and complicated mother.

• 6:15Speaker 04

  Uh-huh. Well, my, yeah, well, and I would be. I think I'd be, yeah, we, Cobb and I joke a lot that, like, I'm actually the father.

• 6:24Speaker 03

  Right.

• 6:24Speaker 04

  You know, um, because Cobb's a gentle Pisces, and-

• 6:29Speaker 03

  And you're an Italian disciplinarian.

• 6:30Speaker 04

  And I'm an Italian Gemini, which my mom was, and Cobb's mom was. Like, Gemini moms are real, and they're true, and they're out there.

• 6:37Speaker 03

  What is my mom if she was born on June 6th?

• 6:40Speaker 04

  That's

• 6:41Speaker 03

  No way. Oh, my God. Are we learning something?

• 6:43Speaker 04

  Gemini mom, though, Gemini mom, I mean, that makes so much sense, but Gemini mom Aquarius sun, strong bond, two air signs.

• 6:51Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 6:51Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 6:52Speaker 03

  I do like her.

• 6:53Speaker 04

  Yes. You both have an analytical mind.

• 6:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 6:56Speaker 04

  That works and probably some really good, similar like emotional rhythms. Like, I think if you had a really, really, like, too soft of a mommy.

• 7:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 7:08Speaker 04

  It might be like, I don't really, I can't do this right now.

• 7:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 7:11Speaker 04

  I don't have this for you.

• 7:12Speaker 03

  Are you and your mom in sync like that?

• 7:13Speaker 04

  Well, we're born a day apart. Our birthdays are not born a day apart. Sorry. Our birthdays are a day apart.

• 7:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 7:20Speaker 04

  Which is, so we're very similar, I would say, like, sometimes too similar, but other times I go, people tell me we're the exact same. So I, I look into my future. I say, okay, successful woman, hopefully, long life. Italians live a nice, long time.

• 7:38Speaker 03

  Oh, you're gonna live a very long life.

• 7:39Speaker 04

  But then she also gets overstimulated and is like, sitting in the corner of a party on her iPad. And I go, I could see that for me, too.

• 7:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 7:44Speaker 04

  I could see that for me, too.

• 7:45Speaker 03

  That's not you.

• 7:47Speaker 04

  Some, it's not me, but it's, I'm with friends.

• 7:49Speaker 03

  I'll tell you what's you.

• 7:50Speaker 04

  But.

• 7:50Speaker 03

  At my birthday party two years ago, when you were being freak nasty, making out on top of the pizzas.

• 7:56Speaker 04

  I was making out on top of the pizzas and we were also blocking all of the joints. So people had to keep like, sneak, like, getting behind us, but it's like.

• 8:05Speaker 03

  Sorry, I'm just gonna.

• 8:06Speaker 04

  They're like, oh, and we like, wouldn't stop. It was really disgusting. I've apologized individually to so many people for that.

• 8:12Speaker 03

  Well, that year, my birthday party was about lesbians in the transgender community.

• 8:15Speaker 04

  Yes. And never again.

• 8:17Speaker 03

  That was that year?

• 8:17Speaker 04

  And never again.

• 8:18Speaker 03

  Well, we don't know. We'll see what's needed. This year, randomly, sort of totally out of my control, unfortunately, was about gay guys.

• 8:25Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 8:25Speaker 03

  I never wanted this year to be about gay guys. I have no idea how it happened.

• 8:28Speaker 04

  You were just saying you wanted to hear more from them.

• 8:30Speaker 03

  I want to hear from them in private and have sex with them. I don't want them to be publicly at my birthday party, making out with other gay guys.

• 8:36Speaker 04

  That is so fucked up.

• 8:37Speaker 03

  That actually was kinda hot, but.

• 8:38Speaker 04

  I liked when the other lesbians were making out at your birthday party last year. I loved that.

• 8:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:43Speaker 04

  When all the George Washingtons were making out.

• 8:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 8:45Speaker 04

  It was like. It was a group of lesbians dressed like George Washington, sexy George Washington. Okay, that's all you have to know. But it was like, it was, there was a thrill to it. It's like, for us, it was like, someone would run over and be like, "The George Washingtons are kissing." And then everyone would like, go see. It was lovely.

• 8:59Speaker 03

  It was lovely.

• 9:00Speaker 04

  It was really lovely.

• 9:01Speaker 03

  What do you think you will be best at as a parent and worst at?

• 9:05Speaker 04

  I will be worst at trying to control the situation. I already know that.

• 9:12Speaker 03

  How do you mean?

• 9:13Speaker 04

  Well, it's like, kids are their own people. And my dad has explained this to me a million times, that you can make all the plans you want to. You can think these kids are gonna be a mix of the two of us, but it's not. It's like, an alien that gets beamed down into your mom's belly, and comes out with a fully formed individual personality. And you're kind of like, "Where did you learn that? What are you talking about?"

• 9:33Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 9:34Speaker 04

  And so that is tough, is like, remembering that it's like, I have so much in common with this person. They walk like me, they talk like me, they eat like me, but that it's, they're from another planet. And they act, I can't control them, and I can't keep them safe. That scares the shit out of me, too. Moms are always like, waking up at 3 a.m., wandering the halls of the house, because they have this unsettled sort of like, heart outside their body experience, where they, they can't, they can't, she can't keep me from doing something dangerous, or risky.

• 10:03Speaker 03

  All she can do is leave that phone on the nightstand. And they do. They got that phone on.

• 10:07Speaker 04

  They have it on, sound on.

• 10:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, they're ready.

• 10:10Speaker 04

  Notifications forwarded to iPad on.

• 10:13Speaker 03

  Okay, the iPad.

• 10:14Speaker 04

  My mom, do, use your mom on the iPad?

• 10:17Speaker 03

  No.

• 10:18Speaker 04

  Oh, my mom loves the iPad. I thought it was like a boomer thing.

• 10:20Speaker 03

  No, she's on, well, how old is your mom?

• 10:22Speaker 04

  My mom is older. She just, sorry, wiser. Sorry, mature. She, she's turned 70. She's, yeah, she's officially 70. But you would never know.

• 10:33Speaker 03

  I don't wanna flex on you and your mom.

• 10:35Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 10:35Speaker 03

  This is obviously really painful.

• 10:36Speaker 04

  Your mom's like, sneaky young, right?

• 10:37Speaker 03

  My mom's 52.

• 10:38Speaker 04

  That is crazy. I don't, how old was I when my mom was 52?

• 10:45Speaker 03

  So she's playing-

• 10:46Speaker 04

  Actually, don't say.

• 10:47Speaker 03

  She's playing Roblox and stuff, you know?

• 10:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 10:50Speaker 03

  She's young.

• 10:50Speaker 04

  She's 20 years away from even needing that.

• 10:52Speaker 03

  She's vaping, playing Roblox.

• 10:54Speaker 04

  Your mom's vaping?

• 10:54Speaker 03

  No, no, no, no, no.

• 10:56Speaker 04

  We should get her one.

• 10:56Speaker 03

  She did, she has gotten into weed suckers, though.

• 10:59Speaker 04

  Okay, my mom did try edibles, yeah, but she's like, doesn't like to be, my mom is like, not a substance girl.

• 11:05Speaker 03

  No?

• 11:06Speaker 04

  Yes, she likes to be alert and engaged.

• 11:08Speaker 03

  Yeah. What do you think, you didn't say what you'd be best at, which is interesting.

• 11:13Speaker 04

  Um, what would I be best at? Honestly, um, I think the thing that all Gemini moms are the best at is kind of like being a kid.

• 11:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:20Speaker 04

  Like thinking how a kid thinks, being kind of fun, being kind of silly. Like my mom, my parents are very strict, but my mom has a very silly side and she is genuinely funny.

• 11:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:30Speaker 04

  And so I think you can kind of like, I, when I'm around babies and when I'm around kids, I am a child and I think they appreciate that.

• 11:36Speaker 03

  They like that.

• 11:37Speaker 04

  They like that. And you have to be honest about it because they don't like when it's put on.

• 11:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:40Speaker 04

  Some people are never kids.

• 11:42Speaker 03

  That's true.

• 11:43Speaker 04

  You know? Yeah, I was gonna say, it's in the eyes. It's been in the eyes forever.

• 11:47Speaker 03

  Taylor.

• 11:48Speaker 04

  You know what I mean? But that's why we'd be so good, if you think about it, because we need that. We need your sort of like, you're on one of your later lives in the cycle of reincarnation where I'm on like probably my third.

• 11:59Speaker 03

  You think you're on your third?

• 12:00Speaker 04

  I'm definitely on a newer one, yes.

• 12:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:02Speaker 04

  I can tell when I interact with like older souls that I go, ugh, I don't have whatever that is.

• 12:06Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:07Speaker 04

  I have way more trial and error in my life, way less certainty.

• 12:10Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:11Speaker 04

  You know?

• 12:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, that makes sense to me.

• 12:14Speaker 04

  And people always think I'm younger than I am and I, it's that, it's that. They're picking up on that.

• 12:18Speaker 03

  I think it's your skin.

• 12:19Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 12:20Speaker 03

  You're welcome. You fished and you caught one baby.

• 12:24Speaker 03

  You throw that line out with me, you're gonna catch one.

• 12:26Speaker 04

  My mom's 70, she doesn't have a single forehead wrinkle.

• 12:28Speaker 03

  Hello?

• 12:28Speaker 04

  Hello?

• 12:30Speaker 03

  I like that.

• 12:30Speaker 04

  Her forehead's only about this big, Italian, low hairline, but...

• 12:33Speaker 03

  You have a small forehead.

• 12:34Speaker 04

  I do.

• 12:35Speaker 03

  I've only just noticed.

• 12:36Speaker 04

  Do you know that I was born without one? It started at the eyebrows, went fully back, like my hairline.

• 12:44Speaker 04

  Let me explain it to you.

• 12:44Speaker 03

  I beg your pardon.

• 12:45Speaker 04

  Let me explain it to you.

• 12:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:47Speaker 04

  I had a hairline that started, so no eyebrows, just eyes, and then boom, we're gonna start the hairline here.

• 12:53Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:53Speaker 04

  Then it's gonna go around the head.

• 12:55Speaker 03

  Right.

• 12:56Speaker 04

  My mom was born, hair all over the face and forehead.

• 13:00Speaker 03

  What?

• 13:02Speaker 04

  Fully covered in hair.

• 13:04Speaker 03

  What's going, what, are you serious?

• 13:05Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 13:06Speaker 03

  What happened? You just grew into it?

• 13:08Speaker 04

  I think that's just like a Mediterranean thing. Like I just think that that's...

• 13:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 13:13Speaker 04

  And then no, it fell, it all fell out.

• 13:15Speaker 03

  Oh, it fell out?

• 13:16Speaker 04

  It all fell out and then it, but it still grew back pretty well.

• 13:19Speaker 03

  When it all, it all falls out. Clip that.

• 13:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 13:24Speaker 03

  Cause we ate a little bit on that one.

• 13:25Speaker 04

  Can we afford that?

• 13:26Speaker 03

  Should we?

• 13:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, no, I think about this a lot and I do, and Toba, are you paying attention? One is so close, it's on her phone. Wait.

• 13:34Speaker 03

  Tell them to be on your phone for me.

• 13:35Speaker 04

  I always wonder, and I'm so surprised that she hasn't pitched this, because at some point, we should do like our song Sung Blue, whatever that is. Like, we do need to be.

• 13:43Speaker 03

  Dibs on Kate Hudson.

• 13:44Speaker 04

  It when, yeah, did, oh, okay.

• 13:47Speaker 03

  I get to play the girl. It's the only way for us to reinvent this form. If I play the boy and you play the girl, it's like, okay, I'm gonna fucking fall asleep. We've seen this a million times. If you play the boy and I play the girl, Portlandia style.

• 13:58Speaker 04

  And I'm an alto.

• 14:00Speaker 03

  I can't, I don't know what I am.

• 14:01Speaker 04

  I think you could. I think you could get.

• 14:03Speaker 03

  I'll go high for the movie.

• 14:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 14:06Speaker 03

  What's it called? What's the movie about?

• 14:09Speaker 04

  Do you think that we could be like hardscrabble folk singers, or would it have to be like pop mu- Pop music could be really fun, like in, um, what's the movie with Lady Gaga?

• 14:19Speaker 03

  It has to be pop. Um, Bradley Cooper.

• 14:22Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 14:22Speaker 03

  Star is Born.

• 14:23Speaker 04

  Star is Born, when she does her alley era in that, I only remember the pop star's name, not any of the rest of the movie. But that, but a whole movie about that era. Like, when we go, when we go pop.

• 14:33Speaker 03

  I think we'd do really good with pop.

• 14:35Speaker 04

  We would do so good with pop. And really fun outfits, fun choreo. The choreo's gonna be hard, but we could do it.

• 14:42Speaker 03

  I just came up with the movie.

• 14:43Speaker 04

  What is it?

• 14:43Speaker 03

  Are you ready?

• 14:44Speaker 04

  You're so fat. Yes.

• 14:46Speaker 03

  We're a pop duo.

• 14:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 14:47Speaker 03

  Okay. We started out.

• 14:49Speaker 04

  Rare.

• 14:49Speaker 03

  We had humble beginnings. We are legitimately good musicians.

• 14:53Speaker 04

  And you're saying like, we weren't put together by a producer. We are like.

• 14:56Speaker 03

  No, we're a duo that we chose. And then they, the machine gets a hold of us and they're like, you have to lip sync. It's the only way everyone does it. We do it.

• 15:04Speaker 04

  Scandal.

• 15:04Speaker 03

  We have a Milli Vanilli style controversy. Blame it on the rain, and I will. Then, everything falls apart, gets taken from us.

• 15:11Speaker 04

  Yes, we blame each other.

• 15:12Speaker 03

  We blame each other. We fall out. We go apart.

• 15:15Speaker 04

  And we do, we're doing like, one of us quits music, the other one starts doing like, the music they've always wanted to make, but it's like, too weird for consumption.

• 15:21Speaker 03

  Yeah. And we, it's a darkest night moment where we're separate. The music is bad, the music is non-existent. We come back together and we decide to do it our way. Everyone says it won't work. And guess what?

• 15:31Speaker 04

  It works. It does. And then we save the best song for that, but then we also like come back with our hit.

• 15:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 15:36Speaker 04

  And people are crying.

• 15:37Speaker 03

  Oh, and I already know the songwriters we're gonna work with.

• 15:39Speaker 04

  Really?

• 15:40Speaker 03

  Oh, my gosh, yeah, we're getting Justin Tranter involved immediately.

• 15:43Speaker 04

  Yes, we have to, we have to.

• 15:44Speaker 03

  We're getting so many people involved.

• 15:46Speaker 04

  It's gonna be really, really good, and I do think it's like it's gonna chart.

• 15:49Speaker 03

  I think it's gonna chart, and I think that Hollywood is ready.

• 15:52Speaker 04

  I think that. They've been ready, and I think if anything, we're just so busy right now that we can't pay it the mind that it needs to be paid, but when the time is right, we have to, we have to make it a priority.

• 16:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:03Speaker 04

  Sometimes you have to make space for something like that.

• 16:06Speaker 03

  You and I are both in this moment, career-wise, sort of stepping out of our big red clown shoes.

• 16:10Speaker 04

  I know.

• 16:11Speaker 03

  And into our Louboutins.

• 16:13Speaker 04

  I know. I know, I know. It's really hard to stay in your big red clown shoes.

• 16:20Speaker 03

  Well, we've got a big red clown shoe on one foot in the shadows.

• 16:23Speaker 04

  Yes, yeah, we'll never take it off.

• 16:25Speaker 03

  We'll never take it off.

• 16:25Speaker 04

  Like, what is so funny is I've started doing like improv again, which is like crazy, kind of crazy timing, because the clown shoe doesn't get bigger or redder than that.

• 16:34Speaker 03

  That's the biggest, reddest clown shoe.

• 16:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's the biggest, that's the biggest form of surrender you can possibly.

• 16:37Speaker 03

  The movie's called Big Red Clown Shoe, by the way.

• 16:39Speaker 04

  Oh, I love that. I love, yeah, and it make, that doesn't have to tie back to anything in the film itself.

• 16:44Speaker 03

  No.

• 16:44Speaker 04

  We are, how do you feel? Like, do you feel sad, or do you feel like, no, I was always meant to do this?

• 16:50Speaker 03

  Uh, about my career.

• 16:52Speaker 04

  No, about stepping out of your big red clown shoes. Like, is there any part of you that's like?

• 16:57Speaker 03

  I don't know that I actually am. I think I'll always wear the big red clown shoe by virtue of being like a fat gay guy. I think you're gonna step into like chic fashion girl very soon. Like, you're gonna have.

• 17:06Speaker 04

  I hope.

• 17:07Speaker 03

  You're gonna have a perfume campaign soon, and I'm gonna have to like be supportive. Even though I'm kind of like, why aren't they letting her be silly? I'm gonna be a little mad, because they're gonna make you be like brooding in it.

• 17:15Speaker 04

  Right.

• 17:16Speaker 03

  And I'm gonna be like.

• 17:16Speaker 04

  I'm working on that.

• 17:17Speaker 03

  I'm gonna share it and be like, so proud of my girl, and I am, but then I'm also gonna be like, why aren't they letting her be silly? They're wasting how silly she is.

• 17:23Speaker 04

  You're gonna be a little bit, you're gonna be a little bit like, you know.

• 17:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm gonna be like, let her be silly.

• 17:25Speaker 04

  I know, well.

• 17:26Speaker 03

  You're clipping her wings.

• 17:27Speaker 04

  Cobb always does say that it's like.

• 17:29Speaker 03

  You're clipping her clown shoe.

• 17:31Speaker 04

  Cobb always does say that like my, my, the way that I look sometimes is a bit, like a bit of a prank. It doesn't really match, like the person, you can't sell, like you, I can't be my full true self if I'm trying to sell a perfume.

• 17:44Speaker 03

  They can't, yeah, right.

• 17:44Speaker 04

  It's time to zip the lips.

• 17:46Speaker 03

  You're gonna have to be, you're gonna have to be so somber.

• 17:48Speaker 04

  I can't, I can't be saying what I'm thinking. No.

• 17:51Speaker 03

  If they saw you be as silly as you really are. If they saw the clown shoes, if they really saw your clown shoes.

• 17:57Speaker 04

  I know.

• 17:57Speaker 03

  Girl, if they really saw your clown shoes, they would run.

• 18:00Speaker 04

  I know, I know. And that's why the clown shoes don't exist. I'm like, I'm like every other woman who is just relatable enough, but ultimately you'll never really know her and.

• 18:13Speaker 03

  You know, Jennifer Lawrence had to take a big break from being in the spotlight because she let her clown shoes get too visible.

• 18:19Speaker 04

  I know, but back then it was sort of like they were making them. I do feel like they were making the girls have one clown shoe under the gown.

• 18:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 18:28Speaker 04

  Remember they were like.

• 18:32Speaker 04

  There would be a peek of the tail, a peek of the clown shoe, a peek of the Ronald McDonald on the. Cause they were making those girls fall all over the place.

• 18:39Speaker 03

  They always had to have a red nose in the purse.

• 18:41Speaker 04

  They were like borderline tripping them up the Oscar stairs. They said, you want this? Crawl for it.

• 18:47Speaker 03

  Keep, keep a bunch of scarves up your sleeve, bitch.

• 18:49Speaker 04

  They go, you better never, yeah.

• 18:51Speaker 03

  And they had to talk about like Taco Bell or whatever.

• 18:53Speaker 04

  I know.

• 18:53Speaker 03

  Like in an interview, they had to be like, God, I wish I had a chalupa right now.

• 18:56Speaker 04

  I do wish I had it. I do love Taco Bell. I have, I almost probably have to talk about it less.

• 19:00Speaker 03

  You had their new chicken nuggets?

• 19:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, I love their nuggets.

• 19:03Speaker 03

  Their nuggets are actually incredible.

• 19:04Speaker 04

  The cheese, which I don't know if is the recommended sauce, but.

• 19:07Speaker 03

  They have a, um, they have a honey mustard jalapeno situation that I'm dipping the nuggets in.

• 19:14Speaker 04

  I'm only doing it in the cheese. I'm getting a side of cheese every time now and I'm doing it once or twice a week.

• 19:18Speaker 03

  You're twice a week dipping the chicken nuggets in the cheese?

• 19:22Speaker 04

  Could you ever see yourself? Um, this job doesn't exist anymore, but remember when you, I don't even know if you're, you're too young for this, but when your mom would take you to like a stride, right? As a kid, like at the mall, it's like a children's shoe store. Do they not have those anymore?

• 19:34Speaker 03

  Stride right?

• 19:35Speaker 04

  Yes, it was a children's shoe store in the nineties and you would go and a, and a woman would.

• 19:40Speaker 03

  That might've been regional, by the way. I don't even know if that's like a time gone by thing.

• 19:42Speaker 04

  It could be Jersey regional. And a woman would fit your tiny foot in one of those metal shoe measurers and then bring out a tiny little children's shoe for you to try on. And one time I went to do it and the woman who was sizing my foot at the stride, right? Was my preschool teacher and I was like, whoa. I was like, let me help you up.

• 20:04Speaker 04

  I go, you're an educator, get up.

• 20:05Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 20:06Speaker 04

  Don't be down, you don't, I'll go in the back and get my own little tiny shoe.

• 20:08Speaker 03

  Did y'all have money growing up?

• 20:11Speaker 04

  No, I mean, like, no, like, we lived in like the Jersey suburbs. So like enough to live on, in a coastal state, which I, I fear the property tax is probably insane.

• 20:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, we just never getting fitted for anything. No one ever fitted us for anything.

• 20:24Speaker 04

  No, you would have to, well, because back then you had to buy everything in the stores. You can't like go on like Amazon and order like baby shoes never worn.

• 20:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, I was born in 1995. I just don't, we didn't go to any stores and get fitted for anything.

• 20:36Speaker 04

  Okay, yeah, that mean, yeah.

• 20:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 20:37Speaker 04

  And it's so close, but there's like a couple of memories I have. No, you just had to go to get everything at the mall or in the stores.

• 20:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, we did some of that.

• 20:45Speaker 04

  You couldn't really order, there wasn't an internet ordering situation.

• 20:47Speaker 03

  We had to drive.

• 20:48Speaker 04

  You thought that we were rich and someone was coming to the house to fit me with like gilded baby shoes.

• 20:53Speaker 03

  No, I totally, no, I totally understood that you were going to a store. I just like, we weren't going into stores where people fit us. Like we were, we were shopping at like goodies.

• 21:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think that's why the business model doesn't exist anymore is like, I don't know that like kids don't really have the purse strings, you know? So like to, to be treating kids like little princes and like sitting them on the chairs and fitting their shoes when they're not going to buy like a pair of Manolos is crazy. How much can a pair of like in the nineties, could a pair of children's shoes have cost?

• 21:19Speaker 03

  Oh God, anywhere from 20 to 30 cents.

• 21:22Speaker 04

  I'm going to be so bummed if that's correct.

• 21:25Speaker 03

  Because you're a magician.

• 21:26Speaker 04

  It just makes me feel old for anything to cost under a dollar.

• 21:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:29Speaker 04

  In my lifetime.

• 21:30Speaker 03

  Yeah, I remember how much money was to you when you were a kid?

• 21:32Speaker 04

  Oh my God, I remember one time my mom, and this was probably like mi- barely mid nineties. My, my friend's mom wanted to take us to McDonald's and my mom gave me $10 and I was like, will this be enough? And it's like, girl, that's enough for six years of McDonald's back then.

• 21:47Speaker 03

  For decades on that.

• 21:48Speaker 04

  She's like, you'll be good.

• 21:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:49Speaker 04

  You'll be fine.

• 21:50Speaker 03

  Oh God, I wish we would have bought property back then.

• 21:53Speaker 04

  I know.

• 21:53Speaker 03

  Specifically in New York.

• 21:54Speaker 04

  I, yeah, you think New York.

• 21:56Speaker 03

  You hear about all these old painters that like bought like, like I have a friend who's like a, a painter's assistant or whatever the fuck, studio assistant to a painter that like was a decently working painter in the 90s.

• 22:08Speaker 04

  And could afford to buy.

• 22:09Speaker 03

  And bought like a loft in Soho and now has like a fucking floor through loft in Soho that's been owned outright for like 15 years.

• 22:15Speaker 04

  I know, and we'll never have that.

• 22:16Speaker 03

  God, I'll never fucking be like you.

• 22:18Speaker 04

  We'll never have that.

• 22:19Speaker 03

  I mean.

• 22:20Speaker 04

  And there's no other, it's not like we can like establish ourselves in a new city. Like it, that's not gonna happen anymore. The past was the main time and this is whatever's left. So.

• 22:30Speaker 03

  The past, the past was the main time.

• 22:32Speaker 04

  Yeah, and this is just whatever's left.

• 22:34Speaker 03

  And there's a clown shoe peeking out from the gown.

• 22:36Speaker 04

  There is, but you know what? We're making the most of it.

• 22:38Speaker 03

  We are.

• 22:39Speaker 04

  We're making the most of it. You have to, you have to.

• 22:42Speaker 03

  I have a question for you.

• 22:43Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 22:43Speaker 03

  Do you think that when you use my sperm to have a baby?

• 22:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 22:48Speaker 03

  Do you think I'll get to have a relationship with the baby or do I have to be like totally uninvolved?

• 22:52Speaker 04

  That would be cra- can you imagine?

• 22:54Speaker 03

  I wanna be involved with baby.

• 22:55Speaker 04

  Of course.

• 22:57Speaker 03

  I'll have my own babies as well, but I want your baby to know that I'm part of baby.

• 23:00Speaker 04

  And you would be like comfortable with that. You like wouldn't even care. Like you'd have your own babies and then you would be like.

• 23:03Speaker 03

  Totally completely. And I'd be like, hey, by the way.

• 23:05Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 23:06Speaker 03

  Aunt Taylor's kid.

• 23:07Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 23:07Speaker 03

  Jebediah.

• 23:08Speaker 04

  Yes, yeah. And that is the name.

• 23:10Speaker 03

  Is your sibling.

• 23:11Speaker 04

  Yes. They would love it, I think. They would really love it.

• 23:14Speaker 03

  Jebediah, they them.

• 23:14Speaker 04

  I just think there's.

• 23:16Speaker 03

  Your kid's gonna be they them.

• 23:18Speaker 04

  Well, yeah, my kid will be they them.

• 23:19Speaker 03

  Your kid has no chance of being cis.

• 23:21Speaker 04

  I think that there's a, well, we talk about this a lot. I think that there is a chance, but well, like this refractory thing where maybe we end up with this really straight cis.

• 23:33Speaker 03

  I fear that.

• 23:34Speaker 04

  Child, you know?

• 23:36Speaker 03

  I fear that, yeah.

• 23:37Speaker 04

  I, and we would have to support him.

• 23:45Speaker 04

  And there's just so many things I don't want to sit through.

• 23:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 23:49Speaker 04

  There's, I mean, I will.

• 23:53Speaker 03

  I have fears.

• 23:53Speaker 04

  What if he doesn't do any theater to be well-rounded? What if he doesn't do, and I already, by the way,

• 23:58Speaker 03

  Taylor, I didn't do theater.

• 23:58Speaker 04

  Don't want to sit through children's theater either.

• 24:00Speaker 03

  I didn't do theater. And so you might be putting that in their genes.

• 24:02Speaker 04

  What were you doing?

• 24:03Speaker 03

  His genes.

• 24:03Speaker 04

  Were you playing a sport? You were kicking the ball around with those. I know you were.

• 24:06Speaker 03

  A sport. I was playing sports and I was doing student government, like the true psychopath that I was.

• 24:11Speaker 04

  Yeah, you were. Yeah, you were.

• 24:12Speaker 03

  You know?

• 24:12Speaker 04

  Yeah, you were.

• 24:13Speaker 03

  And so you have that to deal with. And I tell you, my little cousins, they're the sweetest boys in the whole world. I would die for them. I love these boys. I have a fear of when they get to like high school and they start hanging out with just other boys and that's what happens. Oh, I have a fear of who's going to show up to Thanksgiving.

• 24:28Speaker 04

  Do you think that, yeah.

• 24:30Speaker 03

  Cause what if they turn out to-

• 24:31Speaker 04

  Do you think a weird friend on like a, yeah.

• 24:32Speaker 03

  No, I mean, who, how they're going to show up to Thanksgiving, who they're going to be.

• 24:35Speaker 04

  I thought you were talking about the kind of thing where, you know, like how like tweens will get to take a random friend on vacation.

• 24:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:40Speaker 04

  I was always like the friend or something, but I, if that scares me as a parent too, taking somebody else's kid on vacation.

• 24:47Speaker 03

  I would, I'm saying no to that.

• 24:49Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 24:49Speaker 03

  No, you're not bringing your friends on vacation.

• 24:50Speaker 04

  That's called having siblings.

• 24:52Speaker 03

  I'm not spending my vacation with your little friend.

• 24:55Speaker 04

  Little friend.

• 24:55Speaker 03

  You've lost your mind.

• 24:56Speaker 04

  No.

• 24:57Speaker 03

  You're going to play Scrabble with daddy and go to bed.

• 24:59Speaker 04

  Also, that scares me. What if, what if they drown?

• 25:01Speaker 03

  Right. Right, of course.

• 25:04Speaker 04

  And I have to carry that guilt around with me for the rest of my life.

• 25:06Speaker 03

  Yeah. I don't think they would drown, right? Cause you would just be watching them.

• 25:10Speaker 04

  Yeah, but you never know. What if they're drinking behind my back?

• 25:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, kids do that.

• 25:17Speaker 04

  I know.

• 25:17Speaker 03

  I had kids, you know, it's so, I mean, this is actually horrible, but it is, sorry, it's funny. I, when I worked, when I was in college, I was like, uh, basically an RA at Columbia University.

• 25:27Speaker 04

  Okay, perfect. Perfect for your new role.

• 25:29Speaker 03

  Hello?

• 25:29Speaker 04

  Hello.

• 25:30Speaker 03

  For like high school students that were in like an exchange program or whatever.

• 25:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 25:32Speaker 03

  In the summers and they had a curfew and they were like, had to go to bed and we would like, we would like check them into the building and be like, you're in bed for the night. Do not leave this building.

• 25:39Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 25:40Speaker 03

  And we would do rounds of like watching the building or whatever. We had a group of kids sneak out, get very drunk and come back and get caught.

• 25:49Speaker 04

  Right. And they were just walking in the front?

• 25:51Speaker 03

  Yeah. We were like- What happened? Why did you get drunk?

• 25:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 25:55Speaker 03

  And they're like, a homeless guy made us. He made us. He like came up to us and he was like-

• 25:59Speaker 04

  And I, I hate that agenda.

• 26:01Speaker 03

  I know, I know. The homeless agenda, always trying to get the kids drunk.

• 26:04Speaker 04

  The homeless agenda of getting teens drunk on vacation.

• 26:07Speaker 03

  And we were like, I'm sorry, a homeless person came to you with alcohol that they had and said, you have to drink this before you go back to your dorm.

• 26:16Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 26:16Speaker 03

  And they're like, yeah, it was scary. And I was like, you guys are fucked in the head.

• 26:19Speaker 04

  They're like, we didn't wanna.

• 26:21Speaker 03

  There's, these people are living on the streets and you're going to fucking blame?

• 26:24Speaker 04

  How dare you.

• 26:26Speaker 03

  You're sick.

• 26:26Speaker 04

  How, that's almost worse than you sneaking out.

• 26:28Speaker 03

  You're sick.

• 26:29Speaker 04

  But you'll only be penalized for sneaking out.

• 26:31Speaker 03

  You're idiots, because you came in through the front where there's cameras. So now I have to report it. If you'd come in through the back, I could have let you go.

• 26:36Speaker 04

  I know, but locking kids in is begging them to break out.

• 26:39Speaker 03

  I know.

• 26:39Speaker 04

  It's like they'd excite them too much. It terrified me as a kid. I was not sneaking out.

• 26:44Speaker 03

  Really?

• 26:45Speaker 04

  No, no. But my best friend, when we were younger, liked to push the boundaries. And like, we would go on a trip and they would tape your doors. They would tape on your doors.

• 26:53Speaker 03

  Classic.

• 26:53Speaker 04

  And she would like ease it. She would, she was wild. She would like, we were roomed together for one trip. So obviously it's like, don't break my tape on my room if I'm not going anywhere. I would like dutifully go to bed and she would ease the tape open. And then she'd come back in the morning and I'm like, she would like have bangs. Like another girl.

• 27:11Speaker 04

  She's like, I let, she's like, I let Kelsey cut my hair. And I go, so that's pretty obvious that you were like out of the room because you had bangs. You know, you have like micro bangs.

• 27:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, you might have eased the tape, but now you have fucking bangs.

• 27:20Speaker 04

  You have jagged micro bangs.

• 27:21Speaker 03

  God damn it.

• 27:22Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 27:23Speaker 03

  Ah, I want to get bangs.

• 27:25Speaker 04

  Get it.

• 27:26Speaker 03

  See, that's the problem is this perception of me. You don't think I'm a bad boy.

• 27:30Speaker 04

  No, I think you're a good student.

• 27:34Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 27:35Speaker 04

  And you are.

• 27:36Speaker 03

  You don't, but you don't think I could become a bad boy?

• 27:38Speaker 04

  I think you could be the best student of becoming a bad boy.

• 27:44Speaker 03

  That's sick.

• 27:45Speaker 04

  I think you're diligent and you're, and you're committed. And I think that if anyone could do it, you could do it, but it would bump against some of your other commitments.

• 27:52Speaker 03

  Do you think you're a bad boy?

• 27:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think that like, and no, I've never wanted to be, I've never wanted to be, and I'm the best I've ever been in my life.

• 27:59Speaker 03

  Grow up. You are not a bad boy.

• 28:01Speaker 04

  I'm at least border, I'm at least type B, at least.

• 28:04Speaker 03

  Taylor.

• 28:04Speaker 04

  I am a little bit.

• 28:06Speaker 03

  You think you're a bad boy?

• 28:07Speaker 04

  I think I'm struggling every day since birth to be a good boy.

• 28:10Speaker 03

  You came in full glam to the podcast. That's not a bad boy behavior. You look stunning. You're in a huge hit Netflix show.

• 28:17Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 28:17Speaker 03

  You're in one of the biggest Netflix shows.

• 28:19Speaker 04

  On top of it, but for a long time, like when I was younger, I'd always be like, how am I in trouble again?

• 28:22Speaker 03

  Yeah. What'd you get in trouble for the most?

• 28:24Speaker 04

  Good.

• 28:25Speaker 03

  What was the biggest trouble of your twenties?

• 28:27Speaker 04

  Of my twenties?

• 28:28Speaker 03

  Sorry. Or yeah, sorry. The last thing. Yeah, sorry.

• 28:33Speaker 04

  I don't even remember my twen- my twenties that good, but.

• 28:36Speaker 03

  That's why I started to feel bad. What's the biggest?

• 28:38Speaker 04

  I know. You were like, there's no way she remembers that far back. Poor girl.

• 28:41Speaker 03

  What's the biggest trouble? What's the biggest trouble of your adult life?

• 28:44Speaker 04

  Oh my God, I was always in trouble in Catholic school. I got in trouble for, um.

• 28:49Speaker 03

  When was Catholic school?

• 28:50Speaker 04

  Um, elementary school. Oh my God, one time. This is not even the worst one, but one time. So my, my parents made me try all types of sports and joiner activities and it was not ticking. And, um, they had me do basketball and it wasn't good. And obviously I was benched chronically. And so one day I guess I got bored and I was doing my favorite thing, which is checking out the concession stand. And I was checking out the concession stand with this girl who was, um, older than me, cooler than me, terrified of her. And to impress her, this was not her idea. It was mine to impress her, was to, uh, call 911 from the payphone. And yeah, the cops showed up to the game, stopped the whole basketball game. Um, I'm sitting there, my parents are there, my dad is there.

• 29:35Speaker 04

  And whole like, like, uh, gym full of kids and parents and they stopped the game and they give this big speech where they're like.

• 29:45Speaker 04

  You know, cautioning us on, on calling 911 as a prank and they're like, an old woman fell in her house and she's still laying there because we thought that there was an emergency here.

• 29:55Speaker 03

  Oh my God, get over there.

• 29:56Speaker 04

  Get, I know, it's like, we're fine and you're like, still making the speech.

• 29:59Speaker 03

  Stop giving speeches and go get lady.

• 30:01Speaker 04

  It seems like you're sort of like, feeling yourself, to be honest. Um, and I could just feel my dad, and he's like, so whichever of you did it, because they didn't know who, back in the day, you couldn't trace anything. And my, I could just feel my dad looking at me and he knew it was me. Like, he knew, he goes, can we get through one week without an incident? Can we get through one fucking week? And he knew.

• 30:22Speaker 03

  What did you say when you called them?

• 30:23Speaker 04

  I called and I let it ring and I, I, I breathed into the phone like a pervert and then I hung up.

• 30:30Speaker 03

  That's what they gave a speech about? Like, God, just don't come down to the school.

• 30:33Speaker 04

  I think if you, back then, you have to think about what was going on at the time. Back then, if you got a payphone 911 call from a school, you raced over there. Yeah, it was fresh.

• 30:44Speaker 03

  Sorry to bring up combine, but.

• 30:45Speaker 04

  We have, let's, and I know that they don't, I know that I'm borrowing this, but never forget.

• 30:49Speaker 03

  Never forget.

• 30:50Speaker 04

  Never forget, you know, I think, they go, we gotta, we gotta race over there, there's a basketball game going on and someone could be holding it up.

• 30:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 30:57Speaker 04

  Um, no.

• 30:58Speaker 03

  You know, I wish we still had payphones. I think of this all the time.

• 31:01Speaker 04

  We, we don't?

• 31:03Speaker 03

  Not really. There's a couple.

• 31:05Speaker 04

  They rocked. You would call your mom, collect from the school payphone and be like, I need gym shorts. And she'd be like, well, I work, so.

• 31:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 31:12Speaker 04

  Borrow some.

• 31:13Speaker 03

  Oh my God. Did you guys have a big drama at your school? There was always big drama about, like, sometimes a kid would call their parents and be like, can you bring me McDonald's for lunch? And then the parent would do it?

• 31:22Speaker 04

  Never.

• 31:22Speaker 03

  And then the school would like, throw a fit?

• 31:24Speaker 04

  Never, that never happened for me.

• 31:26Speaker 03

  These other kids don't get McDonald's.

• 31:27Speaker 04

  That never happened.

• 31:28Speaker 03

  We had a lot of talks about that.

• 31:29Speaker 04

  They would probably let kids eat McDonald's at my school. Also, by high school, it was sort of like, I don't know if there's free periods anymore in schools. It seems like probably not. Um, I think once they started putting metal detectors in schools, they were like, kids don't need the, the, this free space to, to linger and roam. But we would have like, a study hall or a free period and some were halfway through high school and I was really, really trying to be well behaved at that point, but I remember I would just leave.

• 31:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 31:53Speaker 04

  I would just go get a bagel or something. I would just roam about the town.

• 31:56Speaker 03

  We had a class, my like, junior and senior year, well, you were only eligible for it if you were a junior or senior, it was called leadership. It was leadership one and two.

• 32:02Speaker 04

  I know you were in leadership.

• 32:03Speaker 03

  I was in leadership, you had to apply, it was like, only a couple of kids got in.

• 32:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 32:07Speaker 03

  It was basically like the student council class where if you were like, on student council, you take this class and basically. You would like do things around town like it would be like, oh, this month we're running like a canned food drive. So like one of the things we do in class is like, a lot of times we would end up having to go get in our cars and drive somewhere else in town and then come back to school during the period.

• 32:25Speaker 04

  They let the good kids have a lot of freedom.

• 32:27Speaker 03

  Totally. And but basically, we were totally abusing it because we would like go do the thing really quick and then get Sonic and drag race by the park.

• 32:34Speaker 04

  Why not?

• 32:34Speaker 03

  And so, but then people, people that live by the park would call the school and be like, the kids are drag racing again. Can you please?

• 32:39Speaker 04

  Oh, my God. Who's calling?

• 32:41Speaker 03

  They would narc on us, these fucking loser old Republicans.

• 32:44Speaker 04

  Middle of the day, get a job. How about that?

• 32:46Speaker 03

  Okay, we can't drag race by the park. How about we're 17 and we don't know any better?

• 32:48Speaker 04

  How about you voted for Ronald Reagan and now you're not working? Like, what's going on? What do you believe in?

• 32:52Speaker 03

  Sorry, I was having fucking cheesy tots and an ocean water and drag racing with my friends.

• 32:56Speaker 04

  And by the way, I'm in the leadership class.

• 32:58Speaker 03

  Hello?

• 33:00Speaker 04

  People look to me, my community looks to me already, and I'm a minor.

• 33:03Speaker 03

  That was their point, though. That was their point, is we needed to be good leaders and not be drag racing. And we would get in trouble. And it was so silly.

• 33:07Speaker 04

  Yeah, people be both. I'm so bored and tired of people not being allowed to be both.

• 33:10Speaker 03

  God, you are a bad boy. Can't people be both was so bad boy.

• 33:14Speaker 04

  Can people be both? Can't we be both? What are we? We're like not letting people achieve good deeds or do good things because we're convincing people they're either good or bad or like, whatever. And it's like, let people have a little redemption. Let them do a good thing. Let them do one good thing they believe in.

• 33:28Speaker 00

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• 34:27Speaker 02

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• 34:56Speaker 03

  Redemption is huge.

• 34:57Speaker 04

  I mean, why not?

• 34:58Speaker 03

  Why no redemption?

• 34:59Speaker 04

  We're gonna lose all our people.

• 35:00Speaker 03

  Do you think you're ever gonna get canceled?

• 35:02Speaker 04

  Probably. I hope not, it's my biggest fear, but...

• 35:07Speaker 03

  Do you... okay.

• 35:08Speaker 04

  It's my biggest fear. Every day, I'm getting on the news and stuff all week, and I'm going, "Don't say anything."

• 35:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, oh, you're worried you're gonna cancel yourself in real time?

• 35:15Speaker 04

  Well, yeah.

• 35:16Speaker 03

  Okay, totally, totally.

• 35:17Speaker 04

  Well, for sure.

• 35:18Speaker 03

  I thought it was maybe like an old thing.

• 35:19Speaker 04

  Oh, who knows? Oh, my God, and who knows? You can't even think about that, you know what I mean?

• 35:23Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 35:24Speaker 04

  I've said so many, I've been alive for so long.

• 35:26Speaker 03

  Yeah, you've mentioned that.

• 35:27Speaker 04

  And half the shit I say is so stupid and I don't even mean it, so it's like, yeah, it lingers over my head, but then I go, I also, I'm a really sweet girl.

• 35:36Speaker 03

  You're a totally sweet girl.

• 35:37Speaker 04

  You know what I mean? I mean, I'm, I'm, I have good intentions, but I'm also dumb as a brick sometimes.

• 35:43Speaker 03

  You're not dumb as a brick, you're a totally sweet girl. You have the best intentions.

• 35:46Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 35:47Speaker 03

  Anything you said on Twitter back in the day, I don't care if it surfaces, I will always stand by you.

• 35:53Speaker 04

  You're kind of like, you're kind of digging around.

• 35:55Speaker 03

  Well, we actually have...

• 35:57Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah, pull them up.

• 35:58Speaker 03

  We actually have some stuff.

• 35:59Speaker 04

  I can defend it.

• 36:00Speaker 03

  We should start trying to cancel people on this show, I think that'd be a fun evolution of the show.

• 36:03Speaker 04

  Yeah, it should be a game that you play on this show.

• 36:04Speaker 03

  With like the cozy fireplace in the background?

• 36:05Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 36:06Speaker 03

  Be like, ooh.

• 36:07Speaker 04

  You should be like, "Defend this."

• 36:08Speaker 03

  "Defend this." Why did you, why did you wear that costume?

• 36:12Speaker 04

  I thought it'd be funny.

• 36:13Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 36:13Speaker 04

  And I thought it looked sexy.

• 36:14Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's why.

• 36:15Speaker 04

  And I thought that people would know that I have good intentions.

• 36:19Speaker 03

  Defending, defending a problematic costume by being like, "I thought I looked sexy."

• 36:22Speaker 04

  I thought people would know that I was one of the good ones, obviously, when I did that.

• 36:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a bad boy who's one of the good ones. Next question.

• 36:27Speaker 04

  I thought you guys were letting me be too comfortable.

• 36:30Speaker 03

  What do you, what do you, what do you think we should do this summer?

• 36:36Speaker 04

  This was one of the toughest winters in New York in a long time.

• 36:40Speaker 03

  Multiple blizzards.

• 36:41Speaker 04

  Multiple blizzards. And I was here in 2016 and it was not like this. It was, this has been really cold. When I was, remember the day that you made me go on the city bike on your birthday?

• 36:50Speaker 03

  Oh my God, dude. This was so sickening.

• 36:53Speaker 04

  It was really bad. I knew it was gonna be too bad and I was so shocked that all of you have like lived in Chicago and still thought we were getting on the bike.

• 36:59Speaker 03

  I would have biked all the way to dinner.

• 37:00Speaker 04

  Oh, you would have?

• 37:01Speaker 03

  Yes. Okay, we got on city bikes. It was my birthday weekend, a bike, eight of us were going to a dinner.

• 37:07Speaker 04

  And I thought they were pranking me. I thought everyone was pranking me.

• 37:09Speaker 03

  I said, I want to ride city bikes. Yes, it was negative five degrees.

• 37:12Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 37:13Speaker 03

  Yes, we had gloves and scarves. Everyone was being so childish about it. It's too cold, Kev, it's too cold.

• 37:17Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 37:17Speaker 03

  I forgot that I was with a bunch of girls and

• 37:20Speaker 04

  derogatory.

• 37:21Speaker 03

  It was a little derogatory because everyone was being very girly about it. They were

• 37:24Speaker 04

  They're also really small.

• 37:25Speaker 03

  Ooh, oh, the wind is too much. I was like, oh my gosh, girls.

• 37:28Speaker 04

  Negative four degrees.

• 37:29Speaker 03

  The only, yeah, and there was only, yeah, it was so silly. We biked like two blocks.

• 37:33Speaker 04

  Weather. It was negative four degrees. It was the real weather.

• 37:36Speaker 03

  We lost a girl within the two blocks.

• 37:38Speaker 04

  A girl immediately.

• 37:40Speaker 03

  Within two blocks, we lost a girl.

• 37:41Speaker 04

  And then like somebody else, we didn't notice because there was somebody else kind of biking with us and we thought it was her.

• 37:47Speaker 03

  Yeah. So we lost a girl immediately.

• 37:49Speaker 04

  We had to get off the bikes under a bridge, call an Uber.

• 37:52Speaker 03

  We had to park the bikes. I had to go find the girl.

• 37:53Speaker 04

  I had to sort of like make all the girls put their arms in their, inside their coats against their bodies, under their armpits. I go, put your hands under your armpits.

• 38:01Speaker 03

  It was awesome.

• 38:01Speaker 04

  In the coat.

• 38:02Speaker 03

  I would have gone the whole way to dinner. I thought it was exhilarating. I love being on a bike.

• 38:07Speaker 04

  I don't, I get really scared riding the bike in New York.

• 38:09Speaker 03

  I cry every third time I bike.

• 38:13Speaker 04

  Because of the wind or?

• 38:15Speaker 03

  No, because I'm excited and happy. I bike over the Brooklyn Bridge.

• 38:18Speaker 04

  That is stunning.

• 38:19Speaker 03

  I'm gonna pretty much cry most of the time I do that.

• 38:21Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 38:21Speaker 03

  It's so beautiful to move that quickly and be up that high.

• 38:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 38:25Speaker 03

  And we don't appreciate it enough.

• 38:26Speaker 04

  We don't, we don't, we don't appreciate it. I'm never doing it.

• 38:29Speaker 03

  I walked over the Manhattan Bridge the other night after a rainstorm.

• 38:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 38:32Speaker 03

  At sunset.

• 38:33Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 38:33Speaker 03

  I listened to one, two, three, four by Feist. Feist, how do you say their name?

• 38:39Speaker 03

  One, two, three, four.

• 38:43Speaker 04

  So funny to imagine you.

• 38:44Speaker 03

  And I cried. And I cried. And then I listened to Bittersweet Symphony by Rob Thomas.

• 38:49Speaker 04

  That's by the verb, but I-

• 38:51Speaker 03

  Bittersweet Symphony is by, I'm thinking of Street Corner Symphony.

• 38:54Speaker 04

  Oh, is that a Rob Thomas song?

• 38:56Speaker 03

  Street Corner Symphony is a Rob Thomas song and I got it wrong and you are gonna win that one.

• 38:59Speaker 04

  I'm so sorry.

• 39:00Speaker 03

  It's okay, but I did listen to it. Do you know Street Corner Symphony?

• 39:02Speaker 04

  I don't.

• 39:03Speaker 03

  Really funny. He like tried to solve racism with a song, which is like not what we need from him.

• 39:07Speaker 04

  Doing that. We're gonna have one song that tries to solve racism in the movie that we do.

• 39:11Speaker 03

  He was like, "My sisters and my brothers of every different color, won't you come on over down to the corner?"

• 39:16Speaker 04

  And he was singing it like, "Ho, hey, ho."

• 39:18Speaker 03

  Mint it down. Mint it down. And guess what? I listened to that song and I am coming on over.

• 39:23Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 39:24Speaker 03

  And I invite everyone to join me as well.

• 39:26Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 39:27Speaker 03

  Do you think you could fix societal ills if you were giving Carpe Lach?

• 39:30Speaker 04

  No, probably not, but I do think that, um, no, definitely not. Definitely not.

• 39:36Speaker 03

  I kinda think you could. I know that I could.

• 39:38Speaker 04

  You know that you could.

• 39:39Speaker 03

  If I had ultimate power.

• 39:40Speaker 04

  I guess if not us, then who?

• 39:42Speaker 03

  That's what I'm saying. If I had ultimate power, yeah, I'm not even gonna lie to you, shit would be a lot better.

• 39:46Speaker 04

  I would need a pretty big committee, though.

• 39:49Speaker 03

  Of course. No one can do anything alone, Taylor.

• 39:51Speaker 04

  I would need a big committee. I have a lot of blind spots, so I would need a big committee.

• 39:55Speaker 03

  What are your blind spots?

• 39:56Speaker 04

  Who knows? I can't see them.

• 39:57Speaker 03

  They're blind. Fuck, they're blind.

• 39:59Speaker 04

  Fuck. I shudder to think.

• 40:02Speaker 03

  I shudder to think of my blind spots.

• 40:03Speaker 04

  I guess when I get canceled, I'll know.

• 40:04Speaker 03

  Is it crazy that I don't think I have any?

• 40:06Speaker 04

  You don't have any?

• 40:08Speaker 03

  I know it all. No, I do think if I were in power, yeah, we would get shit fixed quickly.

• 40:12Speaker 04

  You don't consider yourself in power at this moment?

• 40:14Speaker 03

  I'm not in power at this moment. I'm totally beholden to the mentally ill gay people who listen to the show.

• 40:18Speaker 04

  Right.

• 40:19Speaker 03

  I'm constrained by that. And, we'll cut that.

• 40:26Speaker 03

  We'll bleep that. We'll bleep that.

• 40:28Speaker 04

  Well.

• 40:28Speaker 03

  We'll bleep that and we'll do a little fuzz over my mouth. I mean, no.

• 40:31Speaker 04

  You didn't name them.

• 40:32Speaker 03

  I'm not in power. If I were in Donald Trump's position-

• 40:34Speaker 04

  Right.

• 40:35Speaker 03

  As President of the United States, oh my gosh.

• 40:38Speaker 04

  I know.

• 40:38Speaker 03

  Can you even imagine what I would get done?

• 40:40Speaker 04

  A lot, a lot, but then it becomes the issue of like, uh, you would be show, you would be kind of showing people that things can be achieved and that's a slippery slope. But I have to assume that's why politicians don't do it often is because it's, if you show the people that change can be made, right? And that you don't have to sort of be beholden to the limitations and the bureaucracy that politicians act like they're like.

• 41:09Speaker 03

  Hands are tied, my hands are tied. Meanwhile, they tied them for money, yeah.

• 41:12Speaker 04

  And it's kind of like, yeah, I guess if you proved that, that's pretty dangerous. I think there's probably a lot of people who would try to stop you.

• 41:17Speaker 03

  Day one in office, I would choose five billionaires.

• 41:21Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 41:21Speaker 03

  I would.

• 41:22Speaker 04

  Public execution.

• 41:24Speaker 03

  Taylor.

• 41:24Speaker 04

  Public execution, sorry.

• 41:26Speaker 03

  No, I was gonna say prison, which is way more progressive.

• 41:30Speaker 04

  Rehabilitation.

• 41:33Speaker 04

  I like that.

• 41:33Speaker 03

  No, I would take all their assets, day one. Day one, five billionaires, take all their assets, seize.

• 41:38Speaker 04

  We're looking into those.

• 41:39Speaker 03

  Redistribute. Elon Musk, brother, you're in trouble if I come to power.

• 41:43Speaker 04

  He doesn't need all that money.

• 41:44Speaker 03

  He doesn't need all that money and he doesn't deserve it.

• 41:45Speaker 04

  He doesn't, and it's not even about that, it's like.

• 41:48Speaker 03

  It's about that for me.

• 41:49Speaker 04

  To me, it's like, obviously he doesn't. Obviously he doesn't need, he doesn't, he needs like, like, he needs to figure out his, he needs to figure out a special interest that isn't accumulating wealth.

• 42:00Speaker 03

  I think you should only be allowed to be a billionaire if you got there by being cool. He didn't do that.

• 42:04Speaker 04

  Who has?

• 42:05Speaker 03

  Rihanna.

• 42:06Speaker 04

  She has a billion dollars.

• 42:08Speaker 03

  And JC.

• 42:10Speaker 03

  JC and Rihanna.

• 42:11Speaker 04

  Good for her.

• 42:11Speaker 03

  They both got there by being cool.

• 42:12Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 42:13Speaker 03

  Now, do I think it's ethical? Did I say they got there by being ethical?

• 42:15Speaker 04

  Oh, I don't know.

• 42:15Speaker 03

  No, they exploited people.

• 42:16Speaker 04

  I won't be looking into, I'll be turning a blind eye to Rihanna.

• 42:18Speaker 03

  Is Taylor Swift a billionaire?

• 42:20Speaker 04

  Probably, probably.

• 42:22Speaker 03

  I would say her too.

• 42:23Speaker 04

  She got there by being adorkable.

• 42:25Speaker 03

  She got there by being adorkable, which we don't see enough of anymore, by the way.

• 42:28Speaker 04

  It's on the downswing right now. We are kind of on the, we're on a cool upswing, an unaffected upswing. We're on an adorkable downswing.

• 42:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:38Speaker 04

  It will be coming back.

• 42:40Speaker 03

  It totally has its place.

• 42:41Speaker 04

  But it's a tough, God bless you.

• 42:45Speaker 03

  I burped on an it's and it totally worked. It totally worked.

• 42:52Speaker 03

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• 43:27Speaker 03

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• 44:42Speaker 03

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• 45:50Speaker 04

  I didn't think there was any way that that could be what that was.

• 45:52Speaker 03

  A burp? What'd you think it was?

• 45:54Speaker 04

  I don't know, like a growl, like a Christina Aguilera.

• 45:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm gonna start growling on here. No, it was a burp, for sure. And I don't really know where it came from. I did eat a pretty big bowl of Cheerios this morning.

• 46:07Speaker 04

  Oh, you're a cereal guy.

• 46:08Speaker 03

  Not always.

• 46:09Speaker 04

  But you have cereal in the house and sometimes you eat it for breakfast?

• 46:11Speaker 03

  I have cereal in the house and at times when I remember to have milk in the fridge, I have it for breakfast. And it makes me feel a little crazy. A little nostalgic. It makes my body feel a little crazy for some reason.

• 46:23Speaker 04

  It's sugar in the morning. It's like a.

• 46:24Speaker 03

  Uh, Honey Nut Cheerios is not that much sugar.

• 46:28Speaker 04

  Okay, good to know. Sometimes I.

• 46:30Speaker 03

  Google, Google Honey Nut Cheerios sugar.

• 46:32Speaker 04

  Yeah, Google that versus like a croissant.

• 46:34Speaker 03

  How much sugar croissant?

• 46:36Speaker 04

  I do like a pastry in the morning.

• 46:37Speaker 03

  I know you do.

• 46:38Speaker 04

  I know.

• 46:39Speaker 03

  One serving, okay. How much sugar one serving Honey Nut Cheerios? Oh, don't be a lot.

• 46:43Speaker 04

  Nine grams, is that a lot?

• 46:45Speaker 03

  Nine grams is a lot for a serving.

• 46:46Speaker 04

  Is that a lot? They're coated in a sheen of sugar, a glaze of sugar.

• 46:51Speaker 03

  So, nine grams is a lot for a serving, actually. I thought that was healthy. Do 100 grams? Right. Oh, how is that possible?

• 47:01Speaker 04

  Huh.

• 47:03Speaker 03

  Oh, I see. I understand, I understand, I understand.

• 47:05Speaker 04

  That's what they say. It's part of a balanced breakfast.

• 47:07Speaker 03

  Well, what would the fuck would the other part be?

• 47:09Speaker 04

  I think it's like a banana.

• 47:10Speaker 03

  I hope it's a Chomps meat stick, cuz that's.

• 47:14Speaker 04

  Oh, you do little, you chop up the Chomps and you put them in the.

• 47:17Speaker 03

  A Honey Nut Cheerio, a Chomps, and an iced latte that's so big you wouldn't believe it, and then I have another one like two hours later.

• 47:23Speaker 04

  Um, Ma, I've been kind of sort of bad on my nutritional balance lately.

• 47:28Speaker 03

  What's going on?

• 47:29Speaker 04

  I just only ever wanna eat what I wanna eat and is exciting to me. And ever since I started eating meat again, cuz I didn't eat meat for the longest time, so when you're not eating meat, eating vegetables is kind of like, that's what I'm eating, you know? Um, and once you reintroduce meat, you go. It's re- vegetables are struggling to.

• 47:46Speaker 03

  To make their way into the conversation.

• 47:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, for sure.

• 47:48Speaker 03

  Vegetables keep going like, ah.

• 47:50Speaker 04

  They're like, ah.

• 47:50Speaker 03

  Been getting cut off.

• 47:52Speaker 04

  And, oh, and I wasn't like, I was having a like a lactose intolerance spell. Um, and but now I'm back on. Uh, and so I'm really into butter, just like a lot of butter. And people are starting to make me like really worried about my heart health.

• 48:04Speaker 03

  Totally.

• 48:04Speaker 04

  It's bad. It's really bad.

• 48:06Speaker 03

  I'm terrified for your heart health.

• 48:07Speaker 04

  Really? Do you think it's that bad?

• 48:08Speaker 03

  No, I don't.

• 48:09Speaker 04

  Do you think there's people like eating a lot of butter all the time? And it's, they're absolutely fine. There's like a hundred year old one was like, my secret to making it to this age is eating butter every day.

• 48:17Speaker 03

  Totally isn't. Can I tell you something else?

• 48:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 48:18Speaker 03

  The earth is three hundred and something million years old, probably.

• 48:22Speaker 04

  And there's always been butter.

• 48:23Speaker 03

  And we won't exist someday. Someday humanity won't even exist. So like whether or not you die at like seventy one or eighty five is like whatever.

• 48:32Speaker 04

  Can I tell you that you're starting to sound like the guy from Neighbors who bikes in his speedo?

• 48:36Speaker 03

  Dude.

• 48:37Speaker 04

  He's like, everyone who's ever lived has been dead and is already dead.

• 48:41Speaker 03

  The HBO series, Neighbors. I am fucking obsessed.

• 48:46Speaker 04

  It's so, so good. It's my biggest fear as a person is having a neighbor dispute.

• 48:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 48:51Speaker 04

  I've had them and I never to the extent like this show is a beautiful study on the types of people who exist in this world. And they're all nuts.

• 49:00Speaker 03

  They're all nuts.

• 49:01Speaker 04

  They're all nuts.

• 49:02Speaker 03

  Two parties that are completely psychotic.

• 49:05Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 49:05Speaker 03

  That you're just like, both of you need to shut the fuck up and never be taken seriously again.

• 49:09Speaker 04

  Ever. And so it starts with the dispute and you're like, we're dealing with two weirdos for sure. And then the second half of the episode, you find out like both of them have OnlyFans and it's the strangest. One of them is being like catfished by like fake Harry Styles. Like there's so much going on in their lives that the neighbor dispute is almost.

• 49:26Speaker 03

  There'll also be a point usually in the middle of these episodes where it become, you, you think you have a grasp on who's right and wrong. Like party, like party number one will be like, I have no idea where this animosity started. And party number two will be like, it's when she pulled a shotgun on me.

• 49:37Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 49:38Speaker 03

  And you'll be like, okay, so.

• 49:39Speaker 04

  Oh my God. Every episode at one or both of the parties goes, and I have a gun and I will shoot her.

• 49:45Speaker 03

  Yeah. They all have guns and they're all ready to defend their property. It's crazy.

• 49:48Speaker 04

  But the last episode only focuses on one, one neighbor against the whole neighborhood. It's usually one on one and there's usually a couple per episode. The last episode of the season.

• 49:57Speaker 03

  He's totally embattled.

• 49:59Speaker 04

  They, it needs an Emmy. I mean, he is totally, he's against his whole neighborhood. He wants to be nude. They don't want him to be nude and.

• 50:07Speaker 03

  Also, can I say something? A big part of that episode is people being like, we have children. I am so fucking tired of all of society.

• 50:16Speaker 04

  That's your business.

• 50:16Speaker 03

  Talk to your kids, motherfucker.

• 50:18Speaker 04

  I mean.

• 50:18Speaker 03

  Why is everything in society based around these people that don't want to talk to their kids?

• 50:22Speaker 04

  He has no interest in the children at all, by the way, of the neighborhood.

• 50:25Speaker 03

  He's biking naked at his house. He's in a speedo.

• 50:27Speaker 04

  It is so funny that he's in the front yard and then spoiler, this is not the biggest spoiler of the episode. But he goes, I think I'm gonna redo my backyard. And it's like, yeah, that's what the backyard is for.

• 50:38Speaker 03

  Obviously.

• 50:39Speaker 04

  Do it in the backyard. Some of these people are sort of exhibitionists across the board, but he's not interested in the kids. What I do think is so funny is that he is, he's gotta be 70 and he's like, I need to have a child.

• 50:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 50:52Speaker 04

  I need to have a child.

• 50:54Speaker 03

  I need to have a child on the end of my bloodline thing is like.

• 50:56Speaker 04

  He's like, the Schlosski name could be completely dead if I don't have a child today.

• 51:00Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 51:02Speaker 04

  And I like that. He's direct. He's, you know, he's walking up to women going, I need to have a child soon.

• 51:06Speaker 03

  Would you have a child with him?

• 51:09Speaker 04

  No, he texts too much.

• 51:10Speaker 03

  Yeah, he does text too much.

• 51:11Speaker 04

  He texts way too much.

• 51:12Speaker 03

  And he texts like an old guy. It's so sad.

• 51:14Speaker 04

  I know. Well, you know, he's old.

• 51:17Speaker 03

  Totally. But that's why he should be with an old woman because they could text each other.

• 51:21Speaker 04

  I know.

• 51:21Speaker 03

  The same off putting way.

• 51:22Speaker 04

  I know.

• 51:23Speaker 03

  But instead, he's texting a 20 something year old girl.

• 51:26Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 51:26Speaker 03

  Who wants him to buy her filet mignon.

• 51:29Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 51:29Speaker 03

  And high heels.

• 51:30Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 51:31Speaker 03

  Well.

• 51:31Speaker 04

  She's fascinating. I love her. I would, yeah, I, I don't even want to say more. I just want people to watch it.

• 51:38Speaker 03

  Watch, watch Neighbors.

• 51:39Speaker 04

  You need to watch Neighbors.

• 51:40Speaker 03

  I'm really not even watching reality TV and I gotta tell you, this has like completely changed my life.

• 51:45Speaker 04

  Well, this is like a documentary.

• 51:46Speaker 03

  Basically.

• 51:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, this is like highbrow.

• 51:48Speaker 03

  Basically. Well, the people in Montana were really fun for me as well.

• 51:51Speaker 04

  Were those the first episode, the guy with the fangs?

• 51:53Speaker 03

  The doomsday prepper. Yeah.

• 51:54Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 51:55Speaker 03

  That they're like out there and they're like, you can't close the gate on my land.

• 51:58Speaker 04

  My horses need to roam.

• 52:00Speaker 03

  And then it turns out one of them's like a role playing TikToker.

• 52:03Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 52:03Speaker 03

  That's Montana now.

• 52:04Speaker 04

  They're all online, which you really don't get off the top from all these people. You don't get that they're so online. And it also is really showing you how other people are using the internet and other generations are using the internet. It's not always the same as ours.

• 52:16Speaker 03

  Not always the same as ours.

• 52:17Speaker 04

  But all of them are on OnlyFans.

• 52:18Speaker 03

  They're all on OnlyFans.

• 52:19Speaker 04

  They're all on OnlyFans.

• 52:20Speaker 03

  And they're all on TikTok in a big way.

• 52:22Speaker 04

  Yes, I deleted TikTok, but now I'm like. Getting links and I'm curious what people are sending me.

• 52:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, but you know what's a real high? Of course, Tova. You know what's a total high is when you've deleted TikTok off you. I haven't had TikTok on my phone in forever. When you've deleted it and someone texts you something that you didn't want to watch and you go, oof, I don't have TikTok, but I bet that's funny.

• 52:40Speaker 04

  I bet it's good.

• 52:41Speaker 03

  That's a lot of fun.

• 52:41Speaker 04

  If you want to screen record it for me.

• 52:42Speaker 03

  Oh, you can screen record and send if you want, and they never care enough to screen.

• 52:45Speaker 04

  No.

• 52:45Speaker 03

  And that's telling, isn't it?

• 52:46Speaker 04

  I know. It's like, it's also kind of sometimes with TikTok because it sucks you in more than any other app. Someone will be sending me something when they have some time to waste and I go, now you know if I open this.

• 52:59Speaker 03

  I'm done.

• 52:59Speaker 04

  I'm done.

• 53:00Speaker 03

  I'm cooked.

• 53:01Speaker 04

  I'm done with whatever I'm doing. Why would you do that to me?

• 53:03Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:04Speaker 04

  You don't want me to be productive? You don't want me to get my, my work done? You don't want me to?

• 53:08Speaker 03

  Maybe they thought you could just watch one.

• 53:10Speaker 04

  No, I don't think anyone thinks that about me.

• 53:12Speaker 03

  Really?

• 53:13Speaker 04

  No, I have like a really short attention span.

• 53:15Speaker 03

  I view you as extremely powerful.

• 53:16Speaker 04

  Thank you, but I do have sort of original recipe, like ADHD in a way that is kind of like, I just have to be like alert about certain things and like not, you know? I can't, the other, oh my God, the other morning, yesterday, I was, we were, we're getting prepped. It's early in the morning. I'm doing all these daytime appearances. I'm shaking out stuff at the hotel room. I pick up like a weed vape falls out. It's gotta be seven in the morning. I pick the weed vape up. I'm cleaning up. I'm texting. I take fat hit.

• 53:44Speaker 03

  No.

• 53:45Speaker 04

  I go, no.

• 53:49Speaker 04

  Cobb's like, you're gonna be fine.

• 53:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 53:51Speaker 04

  Cobb goes, in two hours when you're on camera, you're gonna be totally normal again. But yeah, I'm not, I need to be focused at all times.

• 53:58Speaker 03

  I want to start going to stuff stoned. I don't go to any work stuff stoned and I think it would make my life better. Tova, earmuffs.

• 54:04Speaker 04

  Sometimes.

• 54:05Speaker 03

  Can I get stoned for tonight?

• 54:06Speaker 04

  Oh, please. Sometimes it does. Sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes I think I, at this point in my life, I'm smoking so much weed consistently that I'm always a little.

• 54:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:15Speaker 04

  That the edges are always a little soft.

• 54:17Speaker 03

  I am stone cold sober at every work event and I am telling you, I have friends that go to set.

• 54:22Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 54:22Speaker 03

  On a hundred milligram edible.

• 54:23Speaker 04

  That I can't do.

• 54:24Speaker 03

  I want to get high.

• 54:25Speaker 04

  I can't get high. When I'm filming something on set, like as an actor, I cannot. Be high or have like any substance in me at all. And that includes the other way. Like, I can't have like an Adderall or something and do my job. So that, I don't have anything except caffeine. But, um, no, I'm like high for other stuff a lot. Uh, you have to get into Mal- I think it's, it's either Miami Vi- I think it's Miami Vibes. It's this little vape I have and it's for daytime smoking around town. It's a little pink vape.

• 54:55Speaker 03

  Sorry.

• 54:57Speaker 03

  I have to get into Miami Vibes, which is a vape, which is-

• 55:00Speaker 04

  It's a sativa vape.

• 55:01Speaker 03

  For daytime smoking around town.

• 55:03Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 55:05Speaker 03

  Is that their tagline or is that something that you're assigning to it?

• 55:08Speaker 04

  Something I discovered.

• 55:09Speaker 03

  Cool.

• 55:09Speaker 04

  Through market research.

• 55:11Speaker 03

  I don't like vapes.

• 55:12Speaker 04

  Me neither, and it's really bad for your, like, throat, obviously, and really bad. But I can't be like lighting up a joint in the middle of the day.

• 55:20Speaker 03

  I know, but we need to be. It's better for us. It's better for us.

• 55:23Speaker 04

  It's maybe for you, but we are coming at it from two different angles. We're like, your teacher, your teacher's favorite. And I'm, and I'm the student that the teacher talks about when she goes home to her husband.

• 55:35Speaker 03

  This is always gonna be the problem with our dynamic.

• 55:37Speaker 04

  I know.

• 55:37Speaker 03

  Is I'm, yeah, I'm Little Miss Princess and you're a bad boy.

• 55:42Speaker 04

  I know.

• 55:43Speaker 03

  And I wanna be a bad boy and you wanna be Little Miss Princess.

• 55:45Speaker 04

  I want to so bad. I wanna be so well behaved. I want everyone to be happy with me.

• 55:48Speaker 03

  Isn't that sick?

• 55:49Speaker 04

  I know.

• 55:50Speaker 03

  That's why we work.

• 55:50Speaker 04

  It's our wound.

• 55:51Speaker 03

  It's our-

• 55:52Speaker 04

  It's our childhood wound.

• 55:53Speaker 03

  Yeah, that you wanted to be Little Miss Princess and I wanted to be a bad boy.

• 55:55Speaker 04

  Cause like, I was only ever hoping for the best, you know? And you were, and you want, and you only ever wanna do whatever you wanna do.

• 56:01Speaker 03

  I wanna, and I do whatever I wanna do, but I wanna be mysterious about it. That's the thing is I thought doing whatever I wanted, I thought that would make me a bad boy.

• 56:07Speaker 04

  Right.

• 56:08Speaker 03

  I'm still just a good boy, trying to do bad.

• 56:10Speaker 04

  Well, what you want is to achieve, and so that's hard.

• 56:13Speaker 03

  I wanna be mysterious. I wanna be misunderstood.

• 56:15Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm sure, aren't you like, you're misunderstood, have you ever been canceled? That's a type of misunderstanding.

• 56:20Speaker 03

  Honey, I get canceled every week.

• 56:22Speaker 04

  You get every, cancel every week.

• 56:23Speaker 03

  They cancel me every week.

• 56:24Speaker 04

  Every week.

• 56:24Speaker 03

  They love me until I say anything and then they're like, why would he do this?

• 56:28Speaker 04

  It's hard because it's like- It's like you, you do want your audience to be your community because like they get what you're saying, but then sometimes you're like, that's right, I'm gay.

• 56:38Speaker 03

  Well, they're getting mad about, yeah, I don't really care. I don't care. I really don't care. But they're like, they're like, why is he making jokes about trans people? And it's like, because I'm friends with more of them than you are.

• 56:46Speaker 04

  Than you've ever met in your life.

• 56:47Speaker 03

  You spend this much time around.

• 56:48Speaker 04

  Than you've ever met in your life.

• 56:49Speaker 03

  Why am I making jokes about lesbians? Spend time with these people.

• 56:51Speaker 04

  I know, I know.

• 56:52Speaker 03

  Are you kidding me?

• 56:53Speaker 04

  I know. You're picking up on the patterns.

• 56:55Speaker 03

  I'm noticing, I'm a noticer.

• 56:56Speaker 04

  If anything, it's like you're giving people good niche, niche reads on the community.

• 57:02Speaker 03

  I'm in there doing field research, like that fucking lady with the primates.

• 57:06Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 57:07Speaker 03

  Jane Goodall?

• 57:07Speaker 04

  Jane Goodall. I was gonna say Gloria Steinem, and that's women, not primates.

• 57:10Speaker 03

  That's me with lesbians, et cetera.

• 57:12Speaker 04

  Yeah, you're the Jane Good, the Jane Goodall of lesbians.

• 57:15Speaker 03

  Well, I mean, you're saying that, and I will accept that. Thank you for saying that.

• 57:19Speaker 04

  You said it. You put it together and you made me say it.

• 57:21Speaker 03

  You independently brought that up of your own volition.

• 57:24Speaker 04

  You led me to water.

• 57:25Speaker 03

  And I want to thank you for doing that.

• 57:26Speaker 04

  You are that. You are that. If that's who you want to be. I'm here to help you.

• 57:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 57:32Speaker 04

  What I'm learning as someone who is working and doing publicity for the first time.

• 57:36Speaker 03

  It's not the first time.

• 57:37Speaker 04

  This is my first time working with publicists and like doing pub, like real big promotion for a project. Yes, my first time ever.

• 57:42Speaker 03

  Oh, wow.

• 57:43Speaker 04

  And I'm learning that nothing actually like really has to be real. It's like, what do you, you can decide what, if you want to be a bad boy from here on out.

• 57:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, we'll just craft the narrative.

• 57:52Speaker 04

  Why not?

• 57:53Speaker 03

  I'll call my publicist today.

• 57:54Speaker 04

  I think diligent people are like the best at kind of like being like sexy or bad or whatever, because they're like, I know exactly how to achieve that.

• 58:01Speaker 03

  I'm calling my publicist.

• 58:02Speaker 04

  Call in if they don't share the vision, vision, fire them.

• 58:06Speaker 03

  I will.

• 58:07Speaker 04

  On, on the camera.

• 58:08Speaker 03

  I'm gonna fire my publicist right now if they don't understand.

• 58:11Speaker 04

  Please.

• 58:16Speaker 03

  What do I say? Just that I want to be a bad boy from now on?

• 58:18Speaker 04

  We're in a new, a new direction, hard time.

• 58:21Speaker 03

  Rhett, how's it going?

• 58:22Speaker 05

  I'm good. How are you doing?

• 58:24Speaker 03

  I'm good. You're live on the So True Podcast, my podcast.

• 58:26Speaker 04

  Hi.

• 58:28Speaker 05

  I'm what? I am.

• 58:29Speaker 03

  You're, yeah, you're live. It's me and Taylor. Take a, hey, I had a question for you.

• 58:33Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 58:34Speaker 03

  I think I want to be a bad boy from now on. I want to, I want to shift my image to being like, maybe like one of Hollywood's like premier young bad boys. Do you, do you, do you think that's possible? And how can we do it?

• 58:49Speaker 05

  Well, definitely possible. And we got to start with wardrobe first, for sure.

• 58:54Speaker 03

  Oh, goodbye. I'll talk, wait, what? Why did, why did you say that? What do you mean?

• 59:00Speaker 04

  What would you, what would you put, what, what kind of wardrobe?

• 59:04Speaker 05

  Leather jacket, like, you know, the tired loads even up all night. Like, you know, just, just the absolute, like, you've just been to hell. You've got to Los Angeles too.

• 59:18Speaker 04

  Oh, come on, really?

• 59:19Speaker 05

  I know.

• 59:20Speaker 04

  Why?

• 59:21Speaker 05

  Because that's where that exists. You're too fucking cool in New York. Like, you're too cool. You can't do that now. You can't pull an image change like that in New York. Have to go to Los Angeles.

• 59:33Speaker 03

  What's, so obviously you're saying wardrobe is first and foremost. What is like the first, like, press stop we should do?

• 59:40Speaker 04

  I think it can't be a press stop.

• 59:41Speaker 03

  No press stop?

• 59:42Speaker 04

  And you could tell me, um, Rhett, you can tell me if I'm wrong and if you advise against this, but I don't think it should be press stop. Even if it's orchestrated, I think it needs to be like you're on skid row and you're trying to low key acquire, um, contraband.

• 59:56Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 59:57Speaker 04

  And P and, and you're sort of hoping not to be photographed. And in fact, you should look like shit and people should photograph you and then we throw the, and it can't be back grid. It has to be like, you know, and then we, and then those, those come out and you pretend to be destroyed by it.

• 1:00:10Speaker 03

  What do you think of that?

• 1:00:11Speaker 05

  A hundred percent. You know what we do?

• 1:00:13Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:00:14Speaker 05

  We create that photo of Brittany Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton.

• 1:00:19Speaker 03

  Oh, Rhett.

• 1:00:20Speaker 04

  I would love to be a part of that.

• 1:00:21Speaker 03

  Oh, Rhett.

• 1:00:22Speaker 05

  So I think we have to come up with that trisective we were in the car with where you were just.

• 1:00:27Speaker 04

  You guys could, I would let you guys blur my vagina for that.

• 1:00:30Speaker 05

  I know. And then obviously we need to release a statement asking for your privacy during this difficult time.

• 1:00:37Speaker 03

  Rehab?

• 1:00:39Speaker 05

  As you sort through.

• 1:00:41Speaker 03

  Do I go to rehab?

• 1:00:41Speaker 05

  Personal matters. Well, we call it personal matters.

• 1:00:44Speaker 03

  Oh, but it's rehab.

• 1:00:45Speaker 04

  You're going to personal matters.

• 1:00:46Speaker 03

  I'm going to a rehab called personal matters. Okay. Thank you, Rhett. This was illuminating as always. Your check is in the mail.

• 1:00:54Speaker 03

  Bye bye.

• 1:00:55Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 1:00:56Speaker 03

  Did you hear you said congrats on your show?

• 1:00:57Speaker 04

  Oh, thank you.

• 1:00:58Speaker 03

  Always working.

• 1:00:59Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 1:01:00Speaker 03

  I think you guys are totally right. I need to go to Skid Row.

• 1:01:02Speaker 04

  I know.

• 1:01:03Speaker 03

  I need to be like that video of Justin Bieber. Do you remember that?

• 1:01:06Speaker 04

  I do. I talk about it too much.

• 1:01:07Speaker 03

  When he was in like an alley of, an alleyway of Hollywood and he was like, my car broke down, man.

• 1:01:12Speaker 04

  Yeah, I know.

• 1:01:13Speaker 03

  Come on, man.

• 1:01:13Speaker 04

  It's like, well, like, I'm, I'm sorry and it's not comfortable, but you have to do something like that. And you kind of have to be down to do it.

• 1:01:19Speaker 03

  I worry that it seems like I'm trivializing addiction issues on this episode, but I'm not just because I want to go to rehab to create an image.

• 1:01:26Speaker 04

  Who said you have to go buy heroin? You could buy a gun, like a, like a stolen gun or an unregistered gun.

• 1:01:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:01:31Speaker 04

  And no one ever got mad at anyone for trivializing that.

• 1:01:33Speaker 03

  I think if I, my bad boy turn would be really complicated if it was like a, if my thing was guns. I think people are.

• 1:01:42Speaker 04

  Everyone on Neighbors has one. I didn't say you have to shoot anybody.

• 1:01:45Speaker 03

  I think people are going to be more receptive to me maybe having like a substance issue than maybe the, that I'm like buying black market guns.

• 1:01:51Speaker 04

  The thing is, everyone has a problem with everything and they're all right. And that's good and we should stay vigilant. This, yeah, I mean.

• 1:02:01Speaker 03

  Do you know what, Taylor?

• 1:02:01Speaker 04

  What?

• 1:02:02Speaker 03

  We could dovetail at the exact moment that we're turning my public image towards bad boy.

• 1:02:07Speaker 04

  Right.

• 1:02:07Speaker 03

  We could bring you in and turn your image towards Little Miss Princess.

• 1:02:11Speaker 04

  Think? Okay.

• 1:02:12Speaker 03

  You're the good girl that's like, you're the good girl that goes on the news after. So I get caught by.

• 1:02:16Speaker 04

  I'm really worried about you. I'm like.

• 1:02:17Speaker 03

  Sold off shotguns in LA.

• 1:02:19Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:02:20Speaker 03

  That are illegal.

• 1:02:21Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:02:21Speaker 03

  And then you go on the news. We'll have, I'll have set it all up.

• 1:02:25Speaker 04

  And you should steal.

• 1:02:26Speaker 03

  I'll steal the gun.

• 1:02:28Speaker 04

  No, I mean, you should just steal around. Like you should be just stealing.

• 1:02:31Speaker 03

  Okay. I'll have the gun that I've purchased.

• 1:02:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, like, and you can have it on you when you're stealing, but I also think because you're like, you know, prominent, that no one's also going to like stop, no one's going to think you're stealing. It's like, so then you can just also be walking around stores, taking stuff.

• 1:02:44Speaker 03

  Right. And then what we'll do is we'll set it up to where the news comes to you to comment like, hey, Caleb Hearon, Caleb, your friend.

• 1:02:50Speaker 04

  At the time, I'll be pregnant with the.

• 1:02:52Speaker 03

  You're pregnant.

• 1:02:52Speaker 04

  I'm pregnant.

• 1:02:53Speaker 03

  And you're wearing like a very sensible cardigan that's like open enough to show the belly.

• 1:02:56Speaker 04

  Yes. And the pregnancy is kind of maybe also my turning point.

• 1:02:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:02:59Speaker 04

  Like the pregnancy for me is like, I gotta get serious.

• 1:03:01Speaker 03

  And your hair is like feathered, not slicked back.

• 1:03:03Speaker 04

  It's feathered?

• 1:03:04Speaker 03

  It's like feathered.

• 1:03:07Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:03:08Speaker 03

  It's like, do you know what I mean? Or it's like curled or something, but it can't be slicked back.

• 1:03:11Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:03:12Speaker 03

  And you can't be wearing those glasses. They're too cool. You can't be wearing any glasses at all. And your lip has to be understated and simple and elegant with pearls because

• 1:03:20Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:03:20Speaker 03

  what you're gonna say is while you're like holding, you know, the way that pregnant women do this?

• 1:03:24Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'll hold it.

• 1:03:25Speaker 03

  You're gonna be doing that on the

• 1:03:25Speaker 04

  Like a basketball.

• 1:03:26Speaker 03

  You're gonna do that on the news. And you're gonna go, you know, Caleb is, he's a complicated guy and he's gonna get help. He's dealing with personal matters right now.

• 1:03:35Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:03:37Speaker 03

  And

• 1:03:37Speaker 04

  Personal matters, yeah.

• 1:03:38Speaker 03

  If everyone could just give him like some space and time, I think we really need to understand like what he's going through.

• 1:03:42Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:03:43Speaker 03

  And you'll come through as like the sensible friend who wants me to get help.

• 1:03:45Speaker 04

  Or people will be like, oh, she's an apologist.

• 1:03:48Speaker 03

  No.

• 1:03:49Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:03:49Speaker 03

  No, you're gonna get Little Miss Princess treatment. They're gonna go, wow, she's so good.

• 1:03:52Speaker 04

  I deserve it.

• 1:03:54Speaker 03

  She's so teacher's pet.

• 1:03:55Speaker 04

  I deserve it by now.

• 1:03:56Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:03:57Speaker 04

  I've been, I've been, yeah, this'll be, and thank you for doing that for me.

• 1:04:00Speaker 03

  And the whole time, by the way, your new Netflix show, number one on Netflix the whole time.

• 1:04:05Speaker 04

  From your lips.

• 1:04:06Speaker 03

  Bigger than everything.

• 1:04:06Speaker 04

  From your beautiful, soft lips to God's ears.

• 1:04:09Speaker 03

  Bigger than everything, your show.

• 1:04:10Speaker 04

  Oh, I hope I get pregnant right away. You think Dan would be mad at me if I got pregnant right away?

• 1:04:15Speaker 03

  Uh, no.

• 1:04:17Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:04:17Speaker 03

  No, I think he, this is, this is what would happen. This is what would happen. Okay, you be you.

• 1:04:22Speaker 04

  Okay, and you be Dan.

• 1:04:22Speaker 03

  I'll be Dan and you tell me, you tell me that you're pregnant.

• 1:04:26Speaker 04

  Oh, my God, I'm so excited for season two. I have some more big news for you.

• 1:04:31Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 1:04:33Speaker 04

  I'm pregnant.

• 1:04:36Speaker 03

  Wow. Uh.

• 1:04:41Speaker 03

  Wow.

• 1:04:42Speaker 04

  He'd be like, no, he'd go, he'd be like, he'd be like, absolutely.

• 1:04:45Speaker 03

  Absolutely.

• 1:04:47Speaker 04

  Absolutely panic in his eyes. Totally, you have to.

• 1:04:51Speaker 03

  Okay. Wow. Um. Okay, thank you for telling me.

• 1:04:57Speaker 04

  Yeah. It's Caleb's.

• 1:05:00Speaker 03

  Heron?

• 1:05:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:05:02Speaker 03

  Okay. Wow.

• 1:05:05Speaker 04

  We conceived naturally because I wanted to be born of love.

• 1:05:08Speaker 03

  He was inside of you.

• 1:05:09Speaker 04

  Yeah, Caleb was. Our mutual.

• 1:05:14Speaker 03

  Our moot.

• 1:05:15Speaker 04

  Our moot.

• 1:05:17Speaker 03

  Okay, I'm gonna call Netflix.

• 1:05:19Speaker 04

  Why?

• 1:05:22Speaker 03

  Taylor, they have to hang on to the baby while we film season two.

• 1:05:25Speaker 04

  They're gonna hang on.

• 1:05:26Speaker 03

  They have to hang on to the baby.

• 1:05:27Speaker 04

  Jessup, what did you?

• 1:05:28Speaker 03

  Jabediah.

• 1:05:29Speaker 04

  Jabediah. They're gonna hang on to Jabediah. I want him on set.

• 1:05:32Speaker 03

  They, I want them on set.

• 1:05:34Speaker 04

  I want them on set. What the fuck? Lori gets to bring her dog.

• 1:05:38Speaker 03

  Lori has that dog everywhere, doesn't she?

• 1:05:39Speaker 04

  I know, I love Connie.

• 1:05:40Speaker 03

  I just saw Death of a Salesman on Broadway.

• 1:05:42Speaker 04

  Yes, dog's walking across the stage.

• 1:05:44Speaker 03

  No, she, two seconds after the show ends, Lori in like a stocking cap, a coat, sweatpants, dog.

• 1:05:49Speaker 04

  She's fast.

• 1:05:50Speaker 03

  She's not kidding.

• 1:05:51Speaker 04

  Connie's ready to go too. Connie's very like, yes.

• 1:05:54Speaker 03

  Lori Metcalf, a legend.

• 1:05:55Speaker 04

  Unreal.

• 1:05:56Speaker 03

  I can't believe it.

• 1:05:57Speaker 04

  I know, it's really crazy.

• 1:05:58Speaker 03

  You're on a show with Lori Metcalf.

• 1:05:59Speaker 04

  I know, it's really crazy.

• 1:06:00Speaker 03

  And she gets to bring her dog.

• 1:06:01Speaker 04

  It's really nuts.

• 1:06:01Speaker 03

  That's crazy.

• 1:06:02Speaker 04

  Fuck no.

• 1:06:03Speaker 03

  And she plays your lover as well.

• 1:06:05Speaker 04

  She plays my lover. We kiss a lot. She begged me not to.

• 1:06:09Speaker 03

  Guys, don't get horny, don't get horny.

• 1:06:11Speaker 04

  We don't, we don't.

• 1:06:11Speaker 03

  Tell me about the show.

• 1:06:13Speaker 04

  Um, yeah, it's Dan and I and.

• 1:06:15Speaker 03

  Lovey Schitt's Creek?

• 1:06:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Our mutual. And um, I, we play siblings. Dan's character is a well-to-do reverend, which I kept forgetting when we would film. And then like there would be scenes where he'd show up in like the full gown. And I'd go, oh my God, that's right. I'd almost be like, why are you in that? You know, and I forget. I go, stop, you're looking handsome, but that's a little much.

• 1:06:37Speaker 03

  Good.

• 1:06:38Speaker 04

  No, and he plays a reverend and I am his sort of aimless, um, kind of bad girl sibling, to be honest. And uh, I get us into a little hot water and we, we spend the series sort of trying to work off, uh, while also digging ourselves deeper into our debt with organized criminals. Um, and Lori Metcalf plays our mom. She's running for mayor. She's. She's amazing in this show and like the way Dan writes for these people is like so much of the show is so quick and it's like us going back and forth and screaming over each other, but then when Lori's on camera, she's working her way around the whole set, a straight monologue, almost like in so many scenes, like she's just one after the other, after the other, and it's a scene where you're just like, you're tracking her, boom, boom,

• 1:07:21Speaker 04

  boom. It's incredible. He really knows. He really knows who he's got, you know? It's sick.

• 1:07:27Speaker 03

  I'm excited.

• 1:07:28Speaker 04

  I'm really excited.

• 1:07:30Speaker 03

  I'm so excited a little bit. And this, uh, this will, the show will be out by the time your episode comes out.

• 1:07:34Speaker 04

  Okay, yes.

• 1:07:34Speaker 03

  So people can go watch it.

• 1:07:36Speaker 04

  On Netflix.

• 1:07:37Speaker 03

  On Netflix.com, the website.

• 1:07:39Speaker 04

  I love that website.

• 1:07:40Speaker 03

  I love that website.

• 1:07:41Speaker 04

  I love that website.

• 1:07:42Speaker 03

  And I'm so excited for your show to be on it and I'm so proud of you.

• 1:07:45Speaker 04

  Thank you. I'm proud of you too.

• 1:07:47Speaker 03

  Thanks, buddy. Uh, what's so true to you right now?

• 1:07:49Speaker 04

  What's so true to me is I'm getting a little fatigued with the hyper vigilance over, uh, you know, women's celebrity behavior. I think it's like, there's really been an uptick this month and I just kind of feel like if I have to hear about Chapel Ron being rude one more time, it's sort of like until, until we see, until one of you digs up Chapel Ron's dead name in the Epstein files, I'm not, I can't hear it. I won't, I don't want to hear about it till the end of the quarter.

• 1:08:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:08:14Speaker 04

  I don't want to hear about it till the end of the quarter. Everyone's like, our president is sort of waking up every morning with a full dipe, being like, I'm going to level Iran to the ground. And everyone's like, we have to get Amanda Batula behind bars. And I go, you guys are diligent. You're on there all day. You are in the comments. You are getting, you are getting, you know, um, what's it called? Like sponsorship, like paid at whatever, like, uh, partnerships or whatever, taken away from these celebrities. It's like, let's get that energy. You guys could, you guys could end this conflict today.

• 1:08:43Speaker 03

  Form a militia now.

• 1:08:45Speaker 04

  Now.

• 1:08:45Speaker 03

  Do something.

• 1:08:46Speaker 04

  Get out there. You, the hate you have in your hearts and the sense of justice could be so, so positively weaponized. And it also is like boring and fake.

• 1:08:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:08:55Speaker 04

  Like it just like the outrage is kind of boring and fake. Um,

• 1:08:59Speaker 03

  Fake and gay.

• 1:09:00Speaker 04

  Fake and gay. And by the way, it's like they're, they're such different situations. Like I obviously can't wait to watch Summer House and how this plays out. And I hope everything works out for Sierra and she gets everything. And I, I honestly hope like they put her, they put her in an Oscar winning movie and she completely transitions out of reality TV. I think it's time. But at the same time, it's sort of like there being intense real world consequences for things like Chapel Ron's security guard scaring an 11 year old is sort of like.

• 1:09:25Speaker 03

  Also, that's funny. That's the other thing.

• 1:09:26Speaker 04

  It is. God, we don't laugh anymore.

• 1:09:28Speaker 03

  People are so serious. They're like, oh my God, to send a security guard to the child. It's like, shut the fuck up.

• 1:09:34Speaker 04

  Back in the 90s, you know what would happen? There's no, women aren't allowed to be divas anymore. Back in the 90s.

• 1:09:39Speaker 03

  Also, she didn't do it.

• 1:09:40Speaker 04

  You would walk into a hotel that you have a reservation at. Naomi Campbell would cross in front of you. She'd grab you by the neck. She'd lift you. She'd throw you across the room and you'd go, thank you. That's what would happen.

• 1:09:53Speaker 03

  That's what it used to be like to be a woman.

• 1:09:55Speaker 04

  Oh, my God.

• 1:09:56Speaker 03

  But not anymore.

• 1:09:57Speaker 04

  Not anymore.

• 1:09:58Speaker 03

  She didn't do it either. And also, I'm, this, this is part of my whole thing with this, the fucking like outrage about kids lately. I'm like, you guys have none of this energy? Where is this revolutionary energy for the fucking pedophiles?

• 1:10:09Speaker 04

  The pedophiles. When I found out that, that, like, I don't even want to guess percentages, but what percentage of powerful people in this world are straight up a cabal of confident pedophiles enjoying their lives and not taking one second to question their behavior?

• 1:10:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:10:28Speaker 04

  I go, why are we giving like random reality stars like a triple anxiety disorder? It's like, we, like, what are we doing? This is so crazy.

• 1:10:37Speaker 03

  And then these people that are, should be forming fucking like armies to do something about this. Instead, they're like, why is Sam Smith wearing a bustier? It's like, shut the fuck up.

• 1:10:46Speaker 04

  I missed that one. I completely missed that one.

• 1:10:48Speaker 03

  Shut the fuck up.

• 1:10:49Speaker 04

  They're like, there's loose satanic themes. It's like.

• 1:10:52Speaker 03

  Do you know I ordered a 32 ounce ribeye at dinner last night? Not just for me, everyone relax.

• 1:10:56Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:10:56Speaker 03

  I'm not.

• 1:10:57Speaker 04

  For the table, prilatob?

• 1:10:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was just me, I had dinner with my ex last night.

• 1:11:02Speaker 04

  And you said, I'm gonna.

• 1:11:03Speaker 03

  I said, we need a 32 ounce ribeye.

• 1:11:04Speaker 04

  You panicked, you panicked.

• 1:11:05Speaker 03

  I said, the ribeye, the ribeye, the ribeye.

• 1:11:09Speaker 04

  And then you kissed the waiter's hand.

• 1:11:10Speaker 03

  And then I let him take it home. 32 ounce ribeye, I should have taken that home. What?

• 1:11:15Speaker 04

  Sides?

• 1:11:15Speaker 03

  Uh, top, bottom, it doesn't matter. Top, bottom, whenever.

• 1:11:19Speaker 04

  Did you get sides for the steak? Did you get a mashed potato, you sicko?

• 1:11:23Speaker 03

  God, I can't even make gay jokes. Sounds a pretty good gay joke if you're really involved. I remember when side dropped a couple of years ago and gay guys just started saying it on Grindr.

• 1:11:30Speaker 04

  And what is that? That is just.

• 1:11:32Speaker 03

  Side is where you pretty much only want to do oral stuff. It's basically like, it's a new version of gay guy where cleaning out your butt is too much.

• 1:11:42Speaker 04

  Oh, you have to do that every time?

• 1:11:43Speaker 03

  Clean out?

• 1:11:44Speaker 04

  Before?

• 1:11:44Speaker 03

  Before anal sex?

• 1:11:45Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:11:46Speaker 03

  Ideally.

• 1:11:48Speaker 04

  Right. Not after.

• 1:11:49Speaker 03

  Both. Both.

• 1:11:52Speaker 04

  That is, that is a lot of work.

• 1:11:54Speaker 03

  Oh, don't I know it. Those guys are going through it.

• 1:11:56Speaker 04

  That's a lot.

• 1:11:57Speaker 03

  Bottoms do more for this country than most of our politicians and they don't get enough credit.

• 1:12:01Speaker 04

  I know.

• 1:12:02Speaker 03

  I'm here to tell you, I won't have any bottom slander. Those young men, the, the, the stuff they go through for our community, bottoms are the bedrock of this nation.

• 1:12:11Speaker 04

  They are.

• 1:12:12Speaker 03

  And I want to shout them out. I want to say.

• 1:12:14Speaker 04

  By name, go ahead.

• 1:12:14Speaker 03

  Bottoms. I want to say every, if you have ever bottomed, and God help you, if you're bottoming regularly.

• 1:12:22Speaker 04

  If you're bottoming right now.

• 1:12:23Speaker 03

  Think, you might be bottoming right now.

• 1:12:25Speaker 04

  Bottoming right now.

• 1:12:26Speaker 03

  There are certainly.

• 1:12:27Speaker 04

  Turn this up.

• 1:12:27Speaker 03

  Turn up the So True Podcast, because this is an anthem for the bottoms.

• 1:12:30Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:12:31Speaker 03

  You clean that thing out.

• 1:12:34Speaker 04

  You scoop it, right?

• 1:12:36Speaker 03

  Scoop, right? I'm sorry, right? You fucking do your thing, brother, because you are keeping this country together.

• 1:12:42Speaker 04

  Lesbians are kind of doing the opposite. We're told to just leave it alone, never scoop anything out.

• 1:12:45Speaker 03

  Really?

• 1:12:46Speaker 04

  Yeah, they go, actually, don't even clean it too closely. The other day I saw a video where a girl goes, don't even put soap on the soft part.

• 1:12:52Speaker 03

  Soft part?

• 1:12:53Speaker 04

  Like the where it changes to the skin.

• 1:12:54Speaker 03

  Is there a hard part?

• 1:12:56Speaker 04

  There's like a more normal skin part and then your inside, obviously where you get to the inside part, like it is a little

• 1:13:02Speaker 03

  softer.

• 1:13:03Speaker 04

  softer. It's like the, like the insider lip or something.

• 1:13:06Speaker 03

  Yeah. I mean, I've been, I've been in a couple of those and.

• 1:13:09Speaker 04

  Congratulations.

• 1:13:10Speaker 03

  It was cool. It was cool. It was cool. It was actually cool. I said once on this podcast that it really made me sick, but I think mostly that's just because I was figuring myself out.

• 1:13:18Speaker 04

  For sure.

• 1:13:19Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:13:19Speaker 04

  None of it, I would, I'm trying to think if there's like a person's body part that makes me sick. I don't think I like.

• 1:13:26Speaker 03

  Oh, come on.

• 1:13:27Speaker 04

  Fingers, people's hands. Don't touch my face.

• 1:13:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:13:30Speaker 04

  Nasty. I think that's the nastiest part of a person is their fingers.

• 1:13:32Speaker 03

  Do you know what I don't like?

• 1:13:33Speaker 04

  What?

• 1:13:33Speaker 03

  When I'm, um, like, when someone, when I'm like, okay, if someone's on top of me, maybe we're having sex already, maybe we're not.

• 1:13:40Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:13:40Speaker 03

  But I go to put my hand on their face, maybe to be like kind of sweet or to like bring them in for a kiss.

• 1:13:44Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:13:44Speaker 03

  And they go to try and like suck on the finger. You ever have that?

• 1:13:48Speaker 04

  Oh, I, I think I would like that.

• 1:13:50Speaker 03

  I don't love.

• 1:13:51Speaker 04

  You don't want your finger sucked.

• 1:13:52Speaker 03

  I don't want, I certainly don't want their finger in my mouth. And I certainly am not like, like if someone sucks my finger, I'm not like, ooh.

• 1:13:59Speaker 04

  Oh, I kind of am.

• 1:14:00Speaker 03

  I'm like, what are you doing with that?

• 1:14:01Speaker 04

  But maybe they're not doing a good job. You need them to really like get like suction on it. I also don't have a penis.

• 1:14:06Speaker 03

  I think that's worse. You don't have a penis.

• 1:14:08Speaker 04

  I don't. And now I'm realizing that is what it is. What could compare?

• 1:14:11Speaker 03

  Yeah, to getting, to getting your dick sucked.

• 1:14:13Speaker 04

  Like, yeah.

• 1:14:13Speaker 03

  Not much.

• 1:14:14Speaker 04

  Not much.

• 1:14:15Speaker 03

  It's pretty awesome.

• 1:14:15Speaker 04

  I know.

• 1:14:16Speaker 03

  But that's probably like being eaten out, no?

• 1:14:18Speaker 04

  It's just too different. It's just too different. Like, I, I just think it's too different. I've long wanted to. I think like a thing that like a lot of lesbians share is when you find, when you start having gay sex and you find out what for, so, cause so for us, like, it's, we like that vagina and it's exciting and good.

• 1:14:39Speaker 03

  Lesbians.

• 1:14:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:14:40Speaker 03

  Totally.

• 1:14:41Speaker 04

  And it's like the inside, the outside, like, like, love it, can't get enough.

• 1:14:44Speaker 03

  Loving the whole thing, yeah.

• 1:14:44Speaker 04

  And when you are a gay woman, lesbian, they, them, and you find out what it's like in there, there is a period of mourning, rage, grief, almost, for that men have, like, penises and get to experience that sensation with a penis.

• 1:15:01Speaker 03

  Sorry.

• 1:15:01Speaker 04

  Like, if I could make my clit huge, like hu, like, like tubular and huge.

• 1:15:09Speaker 03

  The rage is that it's hidden on the inside.

• 1:15:11Speaker 04

  It's hidden on the inside. I can't fully get all the way, all the way in there.

• 1:15:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, you're rageful because you can't be so inside of the vagina.

• 1:15:18Speaker 04

  So inside of it. And it's like, I can with other, like, I could get a hand in there, but I would like it if I, my hand was feeling the sensation that a penis could feel in there.

• 1:15:26Speaker 03

  Oh, God, I understand what you mean.

• 1:15:29Speaker 04

  You know what I mean?

• 1:15:29Speaker 03

  Like, you can put your hand in there and fuck around with stuff.

• 1:15:31Speaker 04

  And it's gorgeous. It feels really, it feels like a silky car wash.

• 1:15:35Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, like a beautiful glove.

• 1:15:36Speaker 04

  A beautiful, a beautiful glove, like, when you're doing, like, a Vaseline glove.

• 1:15:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:15:41Speaker 04

  But I would, then you go, I bet that feels amazing.

• 1:15:45Speaker 03

  To have your dick in there.

• 1:15:46Speaker 04

  Yes, I bet it feels, I bet nothing feels like that.

• 1:15:48Speaker 03

  It is, it is, yeah. It is great. It is great to have a dick. I, you know.

• 1:15:54Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:15:54Speaker 03

  No shade to anyone who does or doesn't have a dick.

• 1:15:56Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:15:57Speaker 03

  I totally understand what you mean. Putting a hand in there, totally not the same as putting a dick in there.

• 1:16:01Speaker 04

  Sure, I'm happy to do it.

• 1:16:01Speaker 03

  Chance is going to be livid about this conversation.

• 1:16:03Speaker 04

  Why? He's, well, always wants to talk about this?

• 1:16:05Speaker 03

  Chance, no, Chance is, Chance is like, anytime we talk about too much sex stuff, he's like, we have to cut it! Google, YouTube will hate this!

• 1:16:13Speaker 04

  Okay, you can cut it.

• 1:16:13Speaker 03

  Or however he talks.

• 1:16:14Speaker 04

  Actually, just, like, bleep all the parts.

• 1:16:15Speaker 03

  He's not here today, so I get to be.

• 1:16:17Speaker 04

  I know, I texted him, I feel bad. I was like, I'm downstairs.

• 1:16:20Speaker 03

  I'm downstairs bitch, come get me.

• 1:16:22Speaker 04

  I was gonna call him bitch and I go, I can't.

• 1:16:24Speaker 03

  No, I can't.

• 1:16:24Speaker 04

  Ever since our scandal, I can't.

• 1:16:26Speaker 03

  Yeah. No, I totally wish you had a penis as well. And what I want to tell you is what you have instead, your body is perfect and beautiful. And you know what? In some ways, penises are an inconvenience.

• 1:16:39Speaker 04

  Yeah. Did you notice on that episode of Neighbors that like, a lot of the guys at the nudist colony were like so hung?

• 1:16:45Speaker 03

  Of course I noticed.

• 1:16:46Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:16:47Speaker 03

  Of course.

• 1:16:47Speaker 04

  And that's not a thing I usually notice, but I was like.

• 1:16:49Speaker 03

  I'm not gonna notice that?

• 1:16:50Speaker 04

  I wondered if it was like a male thing of like, I have to have my big dong out, the world has to know.

• 1:16:56Speaker 03

  Totally. If I had a huge dick, you'd never hear the end of it.

• 1:16:58Speaker 04

  If.

• 1:16:59Speaker 03

  If I have, it's, you know, average.

• 1:17:01Speaker 04

  That's what people like the most. Actually, I don't know about gay guys, but I know that I think women like.

• 1:17:04Speaker 03

  We need to put more respect on the average to small dick community.

• 1:17:07Speaker 04

  For sure.

• 1:17:08Speaker 03

  Cause hung guys are evil.

• 1:17:10Speaker 04

  They're evil.

• 1:17:11Speaker 03

  That's a tool of oppression that they're using on you, by the way.

• 1:17:13Speaker 04

  You think it's giving them like crazy ego problems?

• 1:17:15Speaker 03

  No, I just think it's hurtful. I don't, if you.

• 1:17:17Speaker 04

  But like physically?

• 1:17:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, you're not, don't bring a hung dick around me. What am I gonna do with it? I'm not putting it in my mouth.

• 1:17:23Speaker 04

  Well, obviously me either. You don't, you won't put it in there? You're gonna put it in there.

• 1:17:26Speaker 03

  I'll put anybody's.

• 1:17:27Speaker 04

  Chance, I don't know what to tell you.

• 1:17:28Speaker 03

  Sorry, yeah, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

• 1:17:30Speaker 04

  I don't know what to tell you.

• 1:17:31Speaker 03

  What happened to us? We got really locked in there for a second.

• 1:17:33Speaker 04

  I don't know. We have really good chem, we have really good sexual palpable chemistry.

• 1:17:38Speaker 03

  We really do.

• 1:17:38Speaker 04

  I know.

• 1:17:39Speaker 03

  Do you know what's, I'm gonna say something crazy right now.

• 1:17:41Speaker 04

  Okay, say it. Cause I'm, okay, say it.

• 1:17:42Speaker 03

  Crazy right now?

• 1:17:43Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:17:43Speaker 03

  Cause, and you know who this is gonna hurt the most is Holmes.

• 1:17:45Speaker 04

  Okay, okay.

• 1:17:46Speaker 03

  What's crazy is it'll obviously never happen. Your and I's relationship is set up in a different way. I think we both know we would have crazy sex.

• 1:17:54Speaker 04

  We would have, I know. But Holmes also doesn't want it as bad, like to be honest. You know what I mean? Like, I think I.

• 1:18:02Speaker 03

  For us to have sex?

• 1:18:03Speaker 04

  No, like for y'all to have sex, I feel like we would probably. But then also I wonder, is it like a, um, is that our like pheromones almost being like we actually have genetic compatibility even? Like that, cause you know what I mean? Like if we did try to have a baby, would it only take one round?

• 1:18:20Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:18:21Speaker 04

  You know? Even if we did I U I.

• 1:18:22Speaker 03

  Oh, we would have a baby instantly.

• 1:18:25Speaker 04

  I think our, what if our bodies are really suited for each other?

• 1:18:31Speaker 04

  I think Cobb might be a little hurt too by this conversation.

• 1:18:34Speaker 03

  I'll fuck Cobb too.

• 1:18:35Speaker 04

  I think maybe, yeah, I know.

• 1:18:37Speaker 03

  I'll fuck Holmes and Cobb as well.

• 1:18:39Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:18:39Speaker 03

  Let's do, let's do, let's do sex day.

• 1:18:42Speaker 04

  First of all, don't even, don't even dangle that carrot because Holmes will make us all follow through with sex day.

• 1:18:48Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's true.

• 1:18:50Speaker 04

  Their greatest joy would be all of their friends coming together to have sex with each other.

• 1:18:54Speaker 03

  That would be special. That would be special.

• 1:18:57Speaker 04

  It would.

• 1:18:57Speaker 03

  That would be really special.

• 1:18:58Speaker 04

  I think if things ever get really splintered and we're all working too much and no one's really able to hang anymore because of the grind, we should plan something like that.

• 1:19:06Speaker 03

  Never gonna be made.

• 1:19:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:19:08Speaker 03

  You guys worry about me and the grind.

• 1:19:10Speaker 04

  You said you have a healthy relationship with the grind.

• 1:19:12Speaker 03

  With the grind?

• 1:19:13Speaker 04

  Yeah. You do.

• 1:19:15Speaker 03

  Maybe.

• 1:19:15Speaker 04

  You're a well-boundaried person.

• 1:19:17Speaker 03

  I think so.

• 1:19:18Speaker 04

  Aquarius.

• 1:19:19Speaker 03

  Hello. Do you want to play a game?

• 1:19:20Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:19:21Speaker 03

  I have 15 statements for you and you have to tell me as quickly as you can if what I just said was true or false. Taylor, you know what? You've done it.

• 1:19:27Speaker 04

  I've done it.

• 1:19:27Speaker 03

  If you win, you get 10 or more correct, we're gonna give you 50 US dollars.

• 1:19:31Speaker 04

  Really?

• 1:19:32Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 1:19:32Speaker 04

  I'll take it.

• 1:19:33Speaker 03

  Yeah. You'll get paid regardless. Ready? The Great Wall of China is visible from space with the naked eye.

• 1:19:40Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:19:41Speaker 03

  False.

• 1:19:41Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:19:42Speaker 03

  Bananas or berries?

• 1:19:43Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:19:44Speaker 03

  True.

• 1:19:49Speaker 03

  The shortest war in history lasted 38 minutes.

• 1:19:51Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:19:52Speaker 03

  True. Venus is the hottest planet in the solar system.

• 1:19:54Speaker 04

  Like sexy or temperature?

• 1:19:56Speaker 03

  Temperature.

• 1:19:57Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:19:57Speaker 03

  True. Kelsey Theater at Mercer is in Trenton, New Jersey.

• 1:20:00Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:20:01Speaker 03

  False. It's in West Windsor.

• 1:20:03Speaker 04

  I went to camp there.

• 1:20:05Speaker 03

  Wombat feces are cube shaped.

• 1:20:07Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 1:20:08Speaker 03

  True. The Statue of Liberty was a gift from Spain to the US.

• 1:20:11Speaker 04

  False, France.

• 1:20:11Speaker 03

  False, France. The boiling point of water is higher at higher altitudes.

• 1:20:15Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:20:16Speaker 03

  False. It's lower. A group of rhinos is called a crash.

• 1:20:19Speaker 04

  Sure.

• 1:20:19Speaker 03

  True.

• 1:20:20Speaker 04

  They see that.

• 1:20:21Speaker 03

  Crash. Hightown High School's colors are purple and white.

• 1:20:24Speaker 04

  Wrong.

• 1:20:25Speaker 03

  False.

• 1:20:25Speaker 04

  Blue and white.

• 1:20:26Speaker 03

  Earth's moon is larger than Pluto.

• 1:20:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:20:29Speaker 03

  True. The largest bone in the human body is the femur.

• 1:20:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:20:32Speaker 03

  True. Barry Sanders wore number 20 for the Detroit Lions.

• 1:20:36Speaker 04

  Okay. Yes.

• 1:20:38Speaker 03

  True.

• 1:20:39Speaker 04

  Hey.

• 1:20:39Speaker 03

  Bernie Sanders was born in 1945.

• 1:20:42Speaker 04

  Yeah, true.

• 1:20:43Speaker 03

  False, 1941. Diana Ross is from Cranberry, New Jersey.

• 1:20:47Speaker 04

  False.

• 1:20:47Speaker 03

  False. She's from Detroit.

• 1:20:49Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 1:20:49Speaker 03

  How'd Taylor do?

• 1:20:50Speaker 04

  I think I would have heard of that.

• 1:20:51Speaker 03

  Nine.

• 1:20:52Speaker 04

  Okay, pretty good.

• 1:20:53Speaker 03

  Pretty good.

• 1:20:54Speaker 04

  Not bad.

• 1:20:55Speaker 03

  Close, but no cigar.

• 1:20:56Speaker 04

  I know, that's me. I'll never be fully perfect, no matter how hard I try. I'll be close my whole life.

• 1:21:02Speaker 03

  You are fully perfect, just as you are right now.

• 1:21:05Speaker 04

  Thank you, but you mean that in the way of like, our flaws make us who we are, kind of thing.

• 1:21:08Speaker 03

  Totally.

• 1:21:08Speaker 04

  I'm not interested in that.

• 1:21:09Speaker 03

  Completely. You want no flaws.

• 1:21:11Speaker 04

  I want no flaws.

• 1:21:12Speaker 03

  It's not all it's cracked up to be.

• 1:21:12Speaker 04

  I'm not gonna let myself enjoy life until I get there.

• 1:21:15Speaker 03

  Having no flaws seems like a lot of fun until you have none.

• 1:21:18Speaker 04

  You feel completely beholden to it.

• 1:21:20Speaker 03

  I have zero flaws, and it makes me sick. It makes me sick every day.

• 1:21:23Speaker 04

  You seem to be having like, a pretty alright time.

• 1:21:26Speaker 03

  In life?

• 1:21:27Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:21:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:21:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:21:29Speaker 03

  I guess you're right.

• 1:21:30Speaker 04

  You seem to be kind of rocking it, and making the most of it.

• 1:21:32Speaker 03

  I'm freaking it.

• 1:21:33Speaker 04

  You're freaking it. I've been saying that nonstop.

• 1:21:35Speaker 03

  In terms of being alive, I'm freaking it.

• 1:21:36Speaker 04

  You're freaking it. You are kind of freaking it.

• 1:21:38Speaker 03

  Do you feel that you're freaking it?

• 1:21:40Speaker 04

  I mean, if this isn't freaking it.

• 1:21:42Speaker 03

  I don't know what is.

• 1:21:42Speaker 04

  At least this week, I'm freaking it.

• 1:21:44Speaker 03

  You're freaking it this week?

• 1:21:44Speaker 04

  I'm freaking it this week.

• 1:21:45Speaker 03

  Are you gonna take a big nap after all this? I hope you get some sleep this weekend.

• 1:21:48Speaker 04

  Thank you. I took a big nap yesterday.

• 1:21:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:21:52Speaker 04

  But I also have really bad FOMO. Like, everyone's in town for the premiere, I want to hang with everyone. Seeing like, our crew at the premiere, but then kind of working and not being able to get blackout with them was really, really hard for me. And I feel like they think I'm, I'm worried that they think our whole crew is gay, by the way, so that lends some info to this. But it's like, I think they feel like I have like, no commitment to blacking out. And it's like, I actually do, and I, nothing would make me happier, you know? But I am so tired.

• 1:22:19Speaker 03

  They think you're not committed to blacking out.

• 1:22:20Speaker 04

  They think I'm not committed to blacking out. And I go, I literally am, that's all I want.

• 1:22:24Speaker 03

  Do you want to blackout tonight?

• 1:22:26Speaker 04

  No, I gotta be up early tomorrow. See, that's the fucking problem. But they're kind of, I kind of feel like, some crew members are able to sort of like, do, like, they were kind of like, so what? You have to go somewhere in the morning. And I go, oh my god, that's right. Like, y'all are working like, 24/7. Like, you, you guys are getting up at ungodly hours in the dark.

• 1:22:43Speaker 03

  Actually, hard jobs, like moving shit, like using their body.

• 1:22:46Speaker 04

  You're doing whatever. And I'm just kind of like, I can't be wrinkly on camera.

• 1:22:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:22:50Speaker 04

  I can't be dehydrated or wrinkly on camera. And they're kind of going, that's not a problem. And I'm like, you're making good points.

• 1:22:54Speaker 03

  Let's get blackout tonight.

• 1:22:58Speaker 03

  Let's get blackout tonight.

• 1:22:59Speaker 04

  I'm beyond hungover on Kelly Clarkson tomorrow. I barf in her shoe.

• 1:23:03Speaker 03

  She would love that. You know she's been blackout before.

• 1:23:05Speaker 04

  For sure. I'd hope.

• 1:23:06Speaker 03

  Kelly?

• 1:23:07Speaker 04

  I hope.

• 1:23:08Speaker 03

  Kelly Clarkson? She's been blackout?

• 1:23:09Speaker 04

  I hope so. She's probably been to a lot of good parties.

• 1:23:11Speaker 03

  Probably, and guess what?

• 1:23:13Speaker 04

  She's probably been to a lot of boring parties where she goes, I'm gonna need a drink tonight.

• 1:23:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, and I'm making Dan get blackout with us tonight as well.

• 1:23:18Speaker 04

  You know, he, I was just saying this to someone, I feel like people would guess that I last longer than him, but sometimes when it's work play, he, he pulls it out and, and he's like down to go out.

• 1:23:29Speaker 03

  Dan's out?

• 1:23:30Speaker 04

  Yes, he's out.

• 1:23:30Speaker 03

  He'll do stuff?

• 1:23:31Speaker 04

  Yes, he will. And he'll stay out. Like, he'll be, if he's ready to rally, he will.

• 1:23:36Speaker 03

  I ruined a game of charades at his house once.

• 1:23:38Speaker 04

  Why?

• 1:23:39Speaker 03

  What was it? It wasn't charades. It was like-

• 1:23:40Speaker 04

  It was like, oh, the celebrity game.

• 1:23:42Speaker 03

  Something like that. And I like totally messed up the rules and just gave my thing away immediately. Ruined it.

• 1:23:47Speaker 04

  Had to restart.

• 1:23:47Speaker 03

  In front of Jesse Tyler Ferguson.

• 1:23:50Speaker 04

  Oh my god. What kind of gay guy cabal was this?

• 1:23:54Speaker 03

  I know.

• 1:23:54Speaker 04

  That's why I wasn't invited to Jesse Tyler Ferguson.

• 1:23:57Speaker 03

  There were only, there were only three gay guys there.

• 1:23:59Speaker 04

  Oh, okay.

• 1:23:59Speaker 03

  Other than that, a lot of women.

• 1:24:01Speaker 04

  Dan has your friendship makeup a bit. Yes. It is very like women forward friend group.

• 1:24:06Speaker 03

  That's what I love about him.

• 1:24:07Speaker 04

  Yes. It's like stylish women.

• 1:24:09Speaker 03

  Is there anything you want to tell people before we go?

• 1:24:11Speaker 04

  I love Caleb.

• 1:24:15Speaker 04

  I can't wait for our film. I can't wait for our child.

• 1:24:18Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:24:19Speaker 04

  And I can't wait for tonight.

• 1:24:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, we're getting blackout.

• 1:24:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:24:23Speaker 03

  What can I say? Something?

• 1:24:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:24:25Speaker 03

  And this is something I'm just thinking of now off the top of my head. Here's to the nights we'll never remember with the people we'll never forget. Do you know what I mean?

• 1:24:33Speaker 04

  Yes. And that's right now.

• 1:24:36Speaker 03

  I love it.

• 1:24:36Speaker 04

  I love you.

• 1:24:37Speaker 03

  I love you.

• 1:24:37Speaker 04

  Thanks for having me.

• 1:24:38Speaker 03

  Ciao, for real.

• 1:24:39Speaker 04

  Ciao bella.

• 1:24:40Speaker 03

  Ciao bella.

• 1:24:41Speaker 04

  Ciao caramia.

• 1:24:41Speaker 03

  Ciao caramina.

• 1:24:42Speaker 04

  I love you.

• 1:24:45Speaker 00

  This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Football has a play for just about everything. You can go deep, keep it on the ground, or draw up something nobody sees coming. And whether you want to run a flea flicker or the tush push, you need a plan to fit your unique situation. That's why State Farm takes the time to get to know you, so they can help personalize coverage for your life and budget. Now that's a solid game plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

• 1:25:14Speaker 06

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• 1:25:43Speaker 07

  Ugh, I hate Mondays. King's Hawaiian Cinnamon Swirl Bite? Uh, Taylor Hansen? Sure, I'll try one. Mmm.

• 1:25:52Speaker 05

  Hey, let's get back to work, please.

• 1:25:54Speaker 07

  But Taylor Hansen's making my day way better with these new soft and swirly King's Hawaiian Cinnamon Bites.

• 1:25:58Speaker 05

  Taylor Hansen? Nice.

• 1:26:00Speaker 07

  Try one.

• 1:26:02Speaker 05

  Mmm.

• 1:26:05Speaker 04

  King's Hawaiian Cinnamon Bites. There's nothing like it.