Stavros Halkias Returns

Happy New Year! This week’s guest is the hilarious and handsome Stavros Halkias! Stav and Caleb talk new years resolutions, fat guy fashion, an ominous event that is haunting one of them, the Trolley Problem, stealing, and more! Join our Substack for ad free full episodes, early access to merch, our community chat, and more! https://calebsaysthings.substack.com/ Follow Stavros! @stavvybaby2 Follow the show! @sooootruepod Follow Caleb! @calebsaysthings Produced by Chance Nichols @chanceisloud So True with Caleb Hearon is edited and engineered by Nicole Lyons. Our social media manager is Virginia Muller. All episodes are filmed in The So Trudio at Legitimate Business World Headquarters in Brooklyn, New York. A Wave series. wavesportsandentertainment.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Ugh, I hate Mondays.

• 0:01Speaker 01

  King's Hawaiian Cinnamon Swirl Bite?

• 0:03Speaker 00

  Uh, Taylor Hansen? Sure, I'll try one. Mmm.

• 0:09Speaker 02

  Hey, let's get back to work, please.

• 0:10Speaker 00

  But Taylor Hansen's making my day way better with these new soft and swirly King's Hawaiian Cinnamon Bites.

• 0:15Speaker 02

  Taylor Hansen? Nice.

• 0:17Speaker 01

  Try one.

• 0:18Speaker 02

  Mmm.

• 0:22Speaker 03

  King's Hawaiian Cinnamon Bites. There's nothing like it.

• 0:31Speaker 03

  Wave.

• 0:34Speaker 04

  It used to be when a young, like, when a young, hot woman would date an older, accomplished man, it was like a professor, a lawyer, like, a captain of industry, someone she could learn something from. And like, I'm dating women younger than me, and I'm like, "Yeah, George Clooney was actually Batman. I don't know if you knew that." And like, that's what I'm teaching her about.

• 0:56Speaker 05

  Stav.

• 0:57Speaker 04

  Hell, yeah.

• 0:58Speaker 05

  What's going on, brother?

• 0:59Speaker 04

  Not much, dude. Nice to be here at world headquarters.

• 1:02Speaker 05

  It's good. Hey, we're moving, we're leveling up.

• 1:04Speaker 04

  I love this.

• 1:05Speaker 05

  We have a lot left to do.

• 1:06Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 1:06Speaker 05

  Obviously, you're sitting against a plain blue wall.

• 1:08Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:08Speaker 05

  That's not gonna work, right? That's gonna need to be fixed.

• 1:11Speaker 04

  What are we thinking?

• 1:12Speaker 05

  Well, I got a lot of ideas, but one thing I was thinking is kind of doing like a, um... What we want to do is kind of like a cluttered, like, collage-y wall of like, a little thing. You know how Tiny Desk has people, like, leave stuff behind?

• 1:25Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:26Speaker 05

  I want to have something from Stavvy up there.

• 1:27Speaker 04

  Oh, okay.

• 1:28Speaker 05

  And every guest.

• 1:29Speaker 04

  I get to be the first one?

• 1:30Speaker 05

  Yeah, you'll be the first one.

• 1:31Speaker 04

  Am I the first one? No.

• 1:33Speaker 05

  Who's recorded in here?

• 1:33Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:34Speaker 05

  No, we've had a couple others.

• 1:35Speaker 04

  Fuck.

• 1:36Speaker 05

  Well, and we've been recording here for a while, but we're finally getting our shit together about like, trying to make it an actual studio.

• 1:40Speaker 04

  I love it.

• 1:41Speaker 05

  Has there ever been a bobblehead or a doll made of you?

• 1:43Speaker 04

  No.

• 1:45Speaker 05

  I think a chubby little Stavvy bobblehead, just in the background of the set.

• 1:49Speaker 04

  I was gonna be offended that that's immediately what you jumped to, but I am made for a bobblehead.

• 1:54Speaker 05

  You just look cute.

• 1:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 1:56Speaker 05

  You look cute.

• 1:56Speaker 04

  Yeah, little apple cheeks, little smile. I would be a great bobblehead.

• 2:00Speaker 05

  Come on.

• 2:00Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 2:01Speaker 05

  Let me have some fun.

• 2:01Speaker 04

  You're right, you're right. But I will make it. I will sell it. You don't get to, you don't get to sell my bobblehead.

• 2:07Speaker 05

  Oh, no, I'll sell it.

• 2:10Speaker 05

  No, I'll be selling it. No, I'll have your name, image and likeness. When you walk through those doors, it's a silent contract. Anybody who walks into the SoTruDio.

• 2:22Speaker 04

  Yeah, when you agree, when you agree on a lunch order, it's like, that's understood. Once you accept a sashimi, once you accept some salmon sashimi, you're also accepting.

• 2:32Speaker 05

  Just throw your order in here. Don't ask us this new thing where you have to sign.

• 2:37Speaker 04

  Yeah, put your thumbprint, you have like an old iPad that takes the thumbprint, like, put that there, that's legally binding.

• 2:42Speaker 05

  Hold on, I move an iPad around you and do a scan of your face.

• 2:46Speaker 04

  Track it with your eyes, track it with your eyes.

• 2:49Speaker 05

  Look, I will dip your face in this clay mold.

• 2:54Speaker 05

  It's part of the lunch order, just do it. Don't worry about it.

• 2:58Speaker 04

  Uh, duh, anything for some chicken teriyaki, boss.

• 3:05Speaker 05

  Oh shit, you're looking slick in this little sweat suit, my friend.

• 3:08Speaker 04

  It is tracksuit season, of course. I had to get, you know, you know, my philosophy for fat guy fashion.

• 3:16Speaker 05

  Say it.

• 3:17Speaker 04

  You know, once the equinox happens, once the, the clocks turn back, it's now officially tracksuit season, it's not Hawaiian shirt season.

• 3:24Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 3:24Speaker 04

  There, it's sort of like fat guy fashion to me, it's like a rainy, it's like rainy season in tropical climates. It's either the rainy season or the dry season.

• 3:32Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 3:33Speaker 04

  It's either Hawaiian shirts or it's tracksuits and we are firmly in tracksuit season right now.

• 3:37Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 3:38Speaker 04

  I know we don't share that, that's not really a midwestern fat guy thing.

• 3:41Speaker 05

  Yeah, tracksuits are, I feel very east coast fat guy coded.

• 3:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, you would, it would be, it would feel like stealing valor.

• 3:47Speaker 05

  Yeah, well, if, if I were being true to my roots, I guess it would be cover all season.

• 3:51Speaker 04

  Yes, I like that with a thermal underneath.

• 3:54Speaker 05

  Cover all season.

• 3:55Speaker 04

  I don't feel any, I will steal midwestern fat valor, no problem.

• 3:59Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 4:00Speaker 04

  I'll get, I'll even steal, you know, northern, I think that's the thing, we are lucky on the east coast where the tracksuit, it is very, it is kind of like our thing, but I'll slip into, I'll slip into a flannel, no problem.

• 4:12Speaker 05

  Dude, I would love to steal.

• 4:14Speaker 04

  I'll slip into that, no problem.

• 4:15Speaker 05

  Well, you'd look great in a corduroy.

• 4:16Speaker 04

  Thank you.

• 4:16Speaker 05

  I'd love to steal Baltimore fat guy valor, I just don't. I'm not nearly scummy enough, like I don't.

• 4:22Speaker 04

  There is an inherent wholesomeness to you.

• 4:24Speaker 05

  You know?

• 4:24Speaker 04

  That would look fucked up. It would look like you're, it would look like you're doing a Sopranos costume.

• 4:29Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 4:30Speaker 04

  It would look like Halloween.

• 4:31Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 4:31Speaker 04

  Bobby Baccala Halloween.

• 4:33Speaker 05

  Yeah. I just can't, like, I mentally can't even, I'm an actor, I'm a creative, but like, I mentally can't imagine that, like, my third DUI is giving my lawyer problems. At child custody court. Like, I don't have that, like.

• 4:47Speaker 04

  And that, those are your limitations as an actor, I hate to say.

• 4:49Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 4:49Speaker 04

  You know, it's like, if you were a better actor, you could pull it off.

• 4:52Speaker 05

  And I'm not. That's the problem. I wish, I wish I had range. I don't. I don't have range. I just don't have it in me.

• 4:59Speaker 04

  That's all right. I, one day you'll get there.

• 5:00Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 5:01Speaker 04

  There's just something in your eyes, you're too, there's, there's a kindness that you have that you're gonna have, that's gonna have to be beaten out of you.

• 5:06Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 5:07Speaker 04

  To really make the tracksuit work, I think.

• 5:08Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 5:09Speaker 04

  You know?

• 5:09Speaker 05

  What do you think that's gonna ta, like, how do I?

• 5:11Speaker 04

  Heartbreak, inevitable heartbreak. I think it's gonna happen to you. I think you love too much, and I think someone's gonna let you down in a major way. I think, I think you're just too nice a guy.

• 5:22Speaker 05

  I've got great news.

• 5:29Speaker 05

  Hey buddy, good news.

• 5:34Speaker 04

  Oh, gotta check the close friends. Maybe I'm missing something.

• 5:38Speaker 05

  Text me before you come on the show.

• 5:44Speaker 05

  I know I went through chance on the booking. Shoot me a text before you come on the show.

• 5:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, just the world beating you down. I mean, we're all, you know, I feel great. I, I was thinking this, I'm like a husk of myself.

• 5:57Speaker 05

  Are you?

• 5:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, I mean, you know, your hopes and dreams have been, I mean, mine have gone good, but I mean, you, you achieve things, then you're like, oh, that's not gonna make you happy. The things you missed out on in your mid twenties, you never get those back. You know?

• 6:10Speaker 05

  What did you, what's haunting you?

• 6:12Speaker 04

  I don't know.

• 6:12Speaker 05

  Be honest with me, what's haunting you? Because it's hard to hear you say you're a husk of yourself when you're sort of like a handsome millionaire. I just, I just.

• 6:21Speaker 04

  By the way, we were starting with so much.

• 6:23Speaker 05

  By the way.

• 6:23Speaker 04

  You know what I mean?

• 6:24Speaker 05

  I just saw you. I just saw you and the most recent thing I saw you in on my phone was a clip of you sitting next to Emma Stone being like, "I really know how I got here, guys." Maybe ask Emma a question.

• 6:34Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 6:35Speaker 05

  Things are going great.

• 6:36Speaker 04

  That was funny. He did, uh, uh, the moderator at a Begonia Q and A started with me and I was like,

• 6:41Speaker 05

  You can't.

• 6:42Speaker 04

  Yeah, this is bad. I was like, you're, I don't want to tell you how to do your job, but start with Emma Stone. I was like, I'm the last guy. I'm the fun little, I'm the fun guy for, you know, uh, just a little color on the way out.

• 6:53Speaker 05

  They brought me along to spice up the in-between takes.

• 6:55Speaker 04

  Of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 6:57Speaker 05

  Yeah, that's what I'm, that's what I'm here for.

• 6:59Speaker 04

  No, I don't know. You know, I think that's what life is, is every year, something happens to you that, like, uh, some unspeakable tragedy happens every like three years to everyone. I mean, the world's bad, somebody dies that doesn't deserve it. You know, heartbreak, what are you like, you realize you're never really gonna, uh, understand certain family members and that's okay. And cer- things that would make you, like shit that would happen to me when I was 19, if, like, realizations that if I had had when I was 19, I would weep for days. Now I'm like, oh, this is gonna make this, uh, Stallone movie a little more annoying to watch. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I'm just, once you've been through horrific shit, you're like, whatever, life sucks dick, but it's, we'll make the best of it.

• 7:41Speaker 05

  Well, you're, you have, uh, it's resilience.

• 7:44Speaker 04

  Exactly.

• 7:45Speaker 05

  You've developed on the positive side.

• 7:46Speaker 04

  Yes. And you don't expect much. That's the thing. You don't expect much, then whatever you get is awesome.

• 7:50Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 7:51Speaker 04

  That's kind of how I look at it.

• 7:52Speaker 05

  There's a really funny Maron bit in one of his specials that we loved in college where he, with Chance and I and our buddies, where he like came out with a notebook for his special. And he was like, yeah, I came out with a notebook, cause like, you know, if, I didn't really prepare for this.

• 8:04Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 8:05Speaker 05

  You know, if I, he says something along the lines like, if I, if I don't prepare and it's awesome, then that's amazing. I am a genius. And if I did, if I didn't prepare and it sucks, who, I didn't fucking prepare.

• 8:15Speaker 04

  Right, right, right, right.

• 8:17Speaker 05

  That's how I feel about life. I'm like, if it's amazing, I lucked out, it's the coolest thing ever. And if it sucks, totally.

• 8:22Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 8:22Speaker 05

  Expected that.

• 8:23Speaker 04

  Absolutely.

• 8:23Speaker 05

  How surprised do you think people are to be tuning into this podcast and seeing two waters on the stools? Like, what do you, what do you think that's, what do you think that's doing for people right now?

• 8:34Speaker 04

  I think people don't understand that you're in for a long production day. You know, that there will be milkshakes after, like, right behind here, there's two, uh, coffee culottes.

• 8:42Speaker 05

  There's an emergency.

• 8:44Speaker 04

  In a big sixty-four ounce.

• 8:46Speaker 05

  Emergency Shake Shack back here.

• 8:48Speaker 04

  I start fucking convulsing. Put a piece of candied bacon in his mouth fast, god.

• 8:55Speaker 05

  You ever had the snack and bacon from Dunkin?

• 8:57Speaker 04

  I have had some, yeah. I'm a big Dunkin' guy. When I was a paralegal, there was a Dunkin' Donuts. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 9:04Speaker 05

  I did, I don't think I knew this.

• 9:05Speaker 04

  Yes, I wasn't, I wasn't, I lied to get the job. I hadn't actually graduated college. Uh, and I was just trying to save money for, um, for moving to New York. There was a Dunkin' Donuts. My two scummiest jobs, there was a Dunkin' Donuts as a paralegal across the street. I had, you know, four breakfast sandwiches every day with like, you know, I was like, it seemed like I was ordering for the office every time I was in there. Just late, just fully, it's nine fifteen and I'm at the back of the drive-through line, you know? Uh, and, and, and then I was a telemarketer in high school and there was a Wendy's next door. And I fucked up, I mean, I was eating junior bacon cheeseburgers like they were pigs in the blanket.

• 9:44Speaker 05

  Dude, I'm taking down, I'm taking down twenty thousand spicy chicken nuggets from Wendy's with their like horrible cupped ranch.

• 9:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, oh yeah.

• 9:51Speaker 05

  Every time I see one.

• 9:53Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm, I'm with you on that.

• 9:54Speaker 05

  A Frosty, no problem.

• 9:55Speaker 04

  The Frosty's the best.

• 9:57Speaker 05

  I love it.

• 9:58Speaker 04

  It's the best.

• 9:58Speaker 05

  I really love it.

• 9:59Speaker 04

  It's the best, it's the best like after dinner. It's like a, a paritif as far as I'm concerned.

• 10:04Speaker 05

  Yeah, well, you're a man of class and taste. I've always said that about you.

• 10:07Speaker 04

  Thank you so much.

• 10:08Speaker 05

  What, uh, I was thinking about twenty twenty-six, twenty twenty-five winding down.

• 10:12Speaker 04

  It is.

• 10:13Speaker 05

  Twenty twenty-six, what do you think twenty twenty-five was about for you and what is twenty twenty-six? What are we thinking about the year changing right now?

• 10:19Speaker 04

  Twenty twenty-five was just, uh, again, me sort of, uh, uh, sort of giving up and losing to the world, like, uh, completely letting my boundaries get pushed aside.

• 10:32Speaker 05

  What happened?

• 10:33Speaker 04

  It sounds fake because I'm, I'm complaining about just like incredible opportunities. But I had like this thing where I was like, dude, I don't, show business can suck my dick. I'm a person. I'm gonna take time for myself. And then I was just like, yeah, I'll just do whatever you say, Mr. Show Business. I'll fucking, I'll, I'll go, I'll do everything. I won't be a healthy person. I'll, I thought. This was, I mean, every year's the year, I'm like, I'm gonna put it together. I'm gonna get mentally healthy, physically healthy, I'm gonna reconnect with everyone and I've just been busy as, I mean, it's just like, it's so boring, cause I'm like, I got to be in an awesome movie and I got to do press for it and I got to shoot, just shoot different stuff, like I, I just have been, I just like, just so hard being such a hot commodity.

• 11:19Speaker 04

  You know, some, you know, I'm sure soon you'll understand Caleb, I'm sure, you know, you're getting there.

• 11:26Speaker 04

  Nothing, I'll try, I see, I see a little movement, but not quite. I'm trying to get you, um, but yeah, just like, I really, I really pride myself on being the, like, I'm, I told you this, I was jealous of how you'll just disappear to Europe or whatever, right? And just like, find yourself, what, eat, pray, love, or whatever. And I wish I just would have just left for like two months or, and just like gone to Greece. I said I was gonna go to Greece for two months, I went for like, three days between my London tour dates and my Dublin.

• 11:57Speaker 05

  I remember this.

• 11:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, so whatever, I'm just, I'm literally like,

• 12:03Speaker 04

  my goals are to be less successful and be unemployed more, basically. That's what I'm looking forward to for 2026, it's not looking good unfortunately. I'm busy until like July, but

• 12:13Speaker 05

  Really?

• 12:13Speaker 04

  We'll get there, yeah.

• 12:14Speaker 05

  You need to start saying no, you really need to.

• 12:17Speaker 04

  I do, dude.

• 12:18Speaker 05

  Just say no, I say no, and you, you would be, I, the things I say no to, that I'm like, I purely just can't do something that week. It doesn't, like, you have to start saying no, cause I know exactly what you mean, you're kidding about like, oh, I'm so busy, I'm so successful.

• 12:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 12:32Speaker 05

  But it's like, no, actually. No, no, you were kidding.

• 12:35Speaker 04

  No, I'm actually, it's kinda crazy, seeing emails and stuff I turned down, it's kind of insane, but yeah, go ahead.

• 12:40Speaker 05

  Just say no.

• 12:40Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 12:41Speaker 05

  Just say no, take some time off, dude.

• 12:42Speaker 04

  I will, I will.

• 12:44Speaker 05

  Do it for real this year.

• 12:45Speaker 04

  I will, I guess.

• 12:46Speaker 05

  Fucking relax, what are you?

• 12:47Speaker 04

  I probably will.

• 12:48Speaker 05

  What are you working for, what are you running from, what are you running from, that's a good question.

• 12:51Speaker 04

  What am I running from, I mean, yeah, I don't wanna be alone with my thoughts for even one second. I don't wanna think about, I don't wanna think about that question for even one moment.

• 13:00Speaker 05

  Get that away from me.

• 13:03Speaker 05

  Michelle, shout out, queen.

• 13:05Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 13:06Speaker 05

  What's up? Michelle with the coffee order, come on, come through.

• 13:09Speaker 04

  Huge, huge win, cause I fully thought this was a half hour later than it is.

• 13:14Speaker 05

  Yeah, you walked in and screamed at Michelle and said.

• 13:17Speaker 04

  Where the fuck is my coffee?

• 13:20Speaker 04

  Thank you so much, appreciate it. Um, yes, this will be, this is huge for me, a little cough-a-dooch. But yeah, I don't know, man. Uh, the general stuff, what are we all, what are we all running from, Caleb?

• 13:33Speaker 05

  Your energy this episode is one of my favorite ways I've ever seen you.

• 13:35Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah?

• 13:36Speaker 05

  Being, being, being like, being like, yeah, why don't you get the life beaten out of your eyes? Have your fucking heart broken? What, what do you think we're all running from? 2025 was the year I got fucked and said, okay, thanks.

• 13:50Speaker 04

  Thank you, sir, man. Have another.

• 13:51Speaker 05

  Please, sir, another.

• 13:52Speaker 04

  Um, yeah, uh, I don't know, dude. Yeah, maybe you're catching me at a very introspective point where I'm like, fuck.

• 13:58Speaker 05

  The end of the year.

• 13:59Speaker 04

  End of the year. It is an end of the year situation.

• 14:01Speaker 05

  Do you know what you need to do?

• 14:02Speaker 04

  What's that?

• 14:03Speaker 05

  This is my prescription for you.

• 14:05Speaker 04

  Please.

• 14:05Speaker 05

  Okay?

• 14:06Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 14:06Speaker 05

  First of all, say no to some stuff, go away, relax.

• 14:09Speaker 04

  Sure.

• 14:10Speaker 05

  Perhaps we go somewhere together, work on our books. We talked about this.

• 14:12Speaker 04

  We talked about that, getting a cabin together.

• 14:13Speaker 05

  Our frog and toad shit.

• 14:14Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 14:15Speaker 05

  Riding a little dual bicycle.

• 14:17Speaker 04

  Yes, yes, yes, on a, on a bike. We're, Matt, that's where we get the corduroy going.

• 14:20Speaker 05

  Baguettes out of the basket and shit. Come on.

• 14:23Speaker 04

  Love that, dude, love that.

• 14:23Speaker 05

  That's one thing we need to do, we need to go away.

• 14:25Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 14:26Speaker 05

  And then, I know you might not want to hear this, I think you need to be faithful to a beautiful woman.

• 14:31Speaker 04

  Oh.

• 14:31Speaker 05

  I think you need to be faithful to a beautiful woman, build a family and a home.

• 14:34Speaker 04

  I would actually like, that, what am I running from? It's that.

• 14:37Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 14:38Speaker 04

  It's like, you see the fucking, I, I look in the future and it's like, man, fat, bald comedian trying to get pussy from 25-year-olds.

• 14:48Speaker 05

  It's not a good look.

• 14:49Speaker 04

  Tough guy to be in, well into your 40s.

• 14:51Speaker 05

  No.

• 14:51Speaker 04

  I don't need that. And I'm like, and however, doesn't, doesn't sound that bad.

• 14:58Speaker 05

  Stop.

• 14:59Speaker 04

  At the same time, doesn't sound that bad. So I'm fighting, I'm fighting the like urge to just have a completely, uh, like no, like that's a, that's a life that's purely on, on my, um, uh, what do you call it? Like, uh, uh, hedonistic? I could live a very hedonistic lifestyle.

• 15:19Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 15:20Speaker 04

  Some might argue I do right now.

• 15:21Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 15:22Speaker 04

  And I don't want to keep that going forever. And I do want something, something with more depth, something that actually matters. My brother had a kid, which is, has been fucking incredible. Like, just watching my mom. With my nephew is like the cutest shit of all time. Where I'm like, fuck, I'm really gonna let this woman down by not giving her one of these. You know what I mean?

• 15:40Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 15:41Speaker 04

  You know? And now I'm like, maybe I'll just fucking knock somebody else. You know, now I'm thinking like, mom, I'm doing pretty good. Maybe I could just have a kid. My mom could have a, you know what I mean? Like grandkid that's not really brought in the world with that much love. It's more like a convenience thing, but I probably won't do that.

• 15:59Speaker 05

  Dude, I went on a, a date with a guy the other night. And he was telling me, he was like, oh yeah, I have this, this lunch tomorrow with this woman. And I was like, you have lunch tomorrow with this woman? What, what, come on, what are we talking about? And he goes, well, I got hit up by this company. He's a doctor.

• 16:17Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 16:17Speaker 05

  And gay guy, of course. And he was like, I got-

• 16:21Speaker 04

  You guys be doctors now, huh?

• 16:22Speaker 05

  They do.

• 16:22Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's, is he like filler or what are we talking about?

• 16:26Speaker 05

  No, he's, um. I get really mad. No, stop, we can do anything.

• 16:33Speaker 04

  That's what finally gets you after baiting you for the first 20 minutes? That's what gets you?

• 16:37Speaker 05

  No, stop, gay guys can, um.

• 16:43Speaker 05

  No, he's, he got hit up by this company that wants, there's, there's, there's these women in New York that are single, like business ladies.

• 16:51Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 16:51Speaker 05

  That are fed up with waiting on a man to get it together.

• 16:53Speaker 04

  So they want a gay guy?

• 16:54Speaker 05

  They're seeking gay men. And what they do is they have you sign a contract. It's like, you can only give me your sperm. You can't give it to any other women and I'll pay you.

• 17:02Speaker 04

  You can't step on the package. I need this shit uncut.

• 17:04Speaker 05

  Uncut. And I think, I think the price was like 15 or 20,000 for the sperm.

• 17:09Speaker 04

  Nice.

• 17:09Speaker 05

  And then she, and then she's like, oh, once a year, there's like a contract. Once a year she'll send an update on the kid. Once a year he'll send an update on his health. If anything has come up.

• 17:18Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 17:18Speaker 05

  Like if you, when you turn 40, if you get like prostate cancer or something, they want to know.

• 17:22Speaker 04

  Holy shit.

• 17:23Speaker 05

  And it's like a whole contract deal.

• 17:25Speaker 04

  Wow. That's, I mean, that's, you want to talk about dystopian.

• 17:28Speaker 05

  Crazy.

• 17:29Speaker 04

  I mean, we're talking like girl bosses and gay guys just being like, yeah, fuck it. We don't need, haha, we don't need, uh, it's like, how about you just both have families?

• 17:40Speaker 04

  What the fuck are we doing here? You got spreadsheets on whether you have cancer or not to your kid? You get a postcard of your fucking DNA once a year? That's nuts.

• 17:50Speaker 05

  It's beautiful.

• 17:51Speaker 04

  Yeah, that's, that's it. The advice you gave me, you should give to them.

• 17:54Speaker 05

  To them, settle down, be faithful.

• 17:55Speaker 04

  How mad do you think, how mad would those women be if I show up to one of those lunches?

• 18:02Speaker 04

  Well, like a handsome, tall gig.

• 18:05Speaker 05

  Fucking toothpick hanging out of your mouth.

• 18:07Speaker 04

  Hey, you know, we could save a lot of bucks. We do this the old fashioned way. I got 12 minutes right now, sister.

• 18:13Speaker 05

  What do you say? You ever seen bougonia?

• 18:16Speaker 04

  I'll give you a half off the jizz if we do it old fashioned.

• 18:23Speaker 04

  You know how sometimes you order food, it's cheaper to pick up instead of deliver?

• 18:28Speaker 05

  That's my deal.

• 18:31Speaker 04

  Hey, you got any girlfriends? I'll do you half off as well. Two for one deal as well.

• 18:36Speaker 05

  Like?

• 18:36Speaker 04

  The 555 deal, Domino's? I do that for my load.

• 18:42Speaker 05

  When photographers set up a studio session and people come in 20 minute rounds for cheaper headshots?

• 18:46Speaker 04

  Flash tattooing, but with jizz?

• 18:53Speaker 05

  Yeah, I think we could work that out.

• 18:55Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 18:55Speaker 05

  That'd be beautiful.

• 18:56Speaker 04

  That is interesting, though. Yeah, I know. But you're right. You're ultimately correct. And I think that's the one thing that's... Because the thing is, like, once you start... The odds of getting successful in like shit like this are so low. But once you're here, it's like, you get the shot, and you can keep doing it. That's kind of easy, right? What's hard is to just be a human being and like, connect with a person and want to build a life with them. And that's... To answer your question, that is what I'm running from, I think.

• 19:24Speaker 05

  100%, but here's the problem. You meet someone, and they're great, and it's like, I could totally... We could totally put in the work here and build a life together, but every time something goes wrong, there's this nagging voice in your head that's like, there are 100 people in my phone right now.

• 19:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 19:39Speaker 05

  Who want to fuck.

• 19:40Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 19:40Speaker 05

  Or who want to go on a date.

• 19:42Speaker 04

  Sure.

• 19:42Speaker 05

  It's this like, the insidiousness of the app specifically is like, there's always another option.

• 19:49Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 19:49Speaker 05

  I think, yeah, it's crazy.

• 19:51Speaker 04

  That's my problem in general, too. It's like, I love quitting.

• 19:53Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 19:54Speaker 04

  Quitting is the best thing of all time.

• 19:55Speaker 05

  The relief of quitting anything?

• 19:57Speaker 04

  It's the best.

• 19:58Speaker 05

  Let alone a relationship?

• 19:59Speaker 04

  Yeah, a relationship, the best thing to quit ever.

• 20:01Speaker 05

  It's like, oh my god, I don't have to text anybody.

• 20:03Speaker 04

  Yeah, this is over. I don't have to care about another person. I don't have to be, you know what I mean?

• 20:07Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 20:08Speaker 04

  And you're sad about it too, but it's like, and that is clearly like the most psychological shit of all, you know, just like a loved one being a, uh, like, I couldn't, until like a year ago, I couldn't even intellectually fathom someone you love not being a burden.

• 20:24Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 20:24Speaker 04

  You know what I mean?

• 20:25Speaker 05

  Yeah, okay.

• 20:25Speaker 04

  People are like, hey, that's actually good. Like you want to love someone who also loves you. They can make your life better. My therapist said that. I was like, whoa. Your family can make your life better?

• 20:39Speaker 05

  I would kill to be in your therapy sessions.

• 20:43Speaker 05

  Your therapist being like, love can be good. And you being like, hold on.

• 20:46Speaker 04

  Wait a second, what?

• 20:47Speaker 05

  What? That's so fucking funny.

• 20:50Speaker 04

  I know. It's pathetic that that was like a, of like, whoa moment for me.

• 20:54Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 20:55Speaker 04

  You know, it was.

• 20:55Speaker 05

  That's not pathetic. It's beautiful.

• 20:57Speaker 04

  Thank you. I appreciate it.

• 20:58Speaker 05

  I'm not in therapy. I very clearly need to be.

• 21:00Speaker 04

  Wow.

• 21:01Speaker 05

  That's become apparent to me.

• 21:02Speaker 04

  I like that. That's a nice zag for you.

• 21:03Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 21:04Speaker 04

  You know what I mean? Being like, no, I don't need therapy. Everything about you is a guy who goes to therapy.

• 21:08Speaker 05

  Nice. What do you mean by that?

• 21:10Speaker 04

  You know, you're like in touch with your emotions. You have a lot of friends. You keep up with that. You know what I mean? You're, you're a caring guy.

• 21:17Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 21:19Speaker 04

  No therapy is fascinating.

• 21:20Speaker 05

  I need to, I, I have, I need to go back to therapy. I was in therapy at one point.

• 21:24Speaker 04

  Kind of like that you're not.

• 21:25Speaker 05

  I know. Isn't it kind of fun?

• 21:28Speaker 04

  I kind of like it. Yeah, yeah.

• 21:29Speaker 05

  I also don't, my big problem with therapy, I guess, is I don't want someone checking in on me. Don't hold me accountable.

• 21:35Speaker 04

  Right.

• 21:35Speaker 05

  What are you talking about?

• 21:36Speaker 04

  It's tough.

• 21:36Speaker 05

  Yeah. They're like, oh, I thought you said three weeks ago, you were gonna, shut the fuck up.

• 21:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, exactly.

• 21:40Speaker 05

  What are you, who are you?

• 21:40Speaker 04

  No, I've had those moments where I just caught myself, like I just told, I told my therapist the lie I've been workshopping for my friends.

• 21:48Speaker 04

  And he's like, that's not what happened. I remember. And I was like, fuck. Fuck. You know? And I was like, oh yeah, I guess I slipped my mind.

• 21:57Speaker 05

  The lie I've been workshopping for my friends.

• 22:00Speaker 04

  Yeah, the lie I had convinced myself was true.

• 22:02Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 22:02Speaker 04

  You know what I mean? Like, that actually is the best, the, the best part of therapy is like, you do get a guy who's like, no. What, you've been lying to yourself over the last month to make yourself feel better about your actions is completely untrue.

• 22:14Speaker 05

  Not what happened.

• 22:15Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 22:15Speaker 05

  Yeah, I was here.

• 22:16Speaker 04

  It was good. It was good to have that. I still haven't fixed my behavior.

• 22:19Speaker 05

  What was, are you gonna tell us what the situation was? Or you're gonna keep it close to the desk?

• 22:22Speaker 04

  Nah, we're gonna, we're gonna tuck that one. Stop. Yeah, yeah, sorry, bro. Cowardly. It is cowardly. It is cowardly. Give me a couple of months, maybe I'll come back, you know?

• 22:30Speaker 05

  No, the number of times I tell a full story on this show and then immediately after the episode, after the guest leaves, I turn to Chance and go, cut that.

• 22:39Speaker 04

  It's been growing lately.

• 22:40Speaker 05

  Yeah, yeah.

• 22:41Speaker 04

  This episode ends up being fucking 22 minutes long.

• 22:44Speaker 05

  We got, we got all the, all this stuff we can't say. We get all the meat out of there.

• 22:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 22:48Speaker 05

  It's just you being like, 2025 was hard, 2026 might rest.

• 22:51Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 22:52Speaker 05

  Thanks, guys. At Stavi, baby.

• 22:55Speaker 04

  Of course. Now, my New Year's resolution every year has been double the bread, double the head.

• 23:00Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 23:00Speaker 04

  And that's just kind of a guiding light where it's like, make it more money, get sucked off more.

• 23:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 23:05Speaker 04

  And maybe that's a problem. I mean, saying it out loud, maybe that has been the problem at the height, that that is how I've lived my life.

• 23:12Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 23:12Speaker 04

  And I've mostly done it, you know, to the most part.

• 23:14Speaker 05

  Did you double the bread and the head this year, would you say?

• 23:16Speaker 04

  Doubling has gotten tough. It's been, when you have a couple of good years.

• 23:20Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 23:21Speaker 04

  Doubling is a lot.

• 23:22Speaker 05

  Doubles a lot.

• 23:23Speaker 04

  Like, you know that thing where they're like, you want a billion dollars now or a penny times two every day or whatever the fuck? You know what I'm saying?

• 23:30Speaker 05

  I understood the spirit. I understood the spirit of the, yeah.

• 23:33Speaker 04

  That's the thing. It's a, it's a, it's a thought experiment to show people the power of compounding things, of doubling things.

• 23:40Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 23:40Speaker 04

  So that's why I'm saying doubling is, maybe I've lost, I probably didn't double this year.

• 23:45Speaker 05

  Yeah. But more bread, more head.

• 23:47Speaker 04

  More bread, more head. Yeah, maybe just more bread, more head is what it needs to be.

• 23:50Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 23:51Speaker 04

  To evolve.

• 23:52Speaker 05

  Or just bread and head in moderation. Wouldn't that be sweet?

• 23:55Speaker 04

  Yeah, let them get head, Marie Antoinette. Is there anything there, you think?

• 23:59Speaker 05

  There is.

• 23:59Speaker 04

  Okay.

• 24:00Speaker 05

  I think for sure.

• 24:03Speaker 05

  I think for sure.

• 24:06Speaker 05

  I saw, I found a TikTok account on accident of a girl who, her entire account is her like, walking around and restating like, uh, classic like moral dilemmas. And it's, she's like, she's like, so, a train is going down a track. If you do nothing, it'll hit five people. If you switch it, it'll hit one. What are you doing? Sound off in the comments. And people are in the comments like debating like this age old moral question.

• 24:30Speaker 04

  Yes, the Charlie problem.

• 24:31Speaker 05

  I'm like, this is fucking psychotic.

• 24:32Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 24:33Speaker 05

  That's your content?

• 24:34Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 24:34Speaker 05

  And that people are like going for it?

• 24:36Speaker 04

  Honestly, good for her.

• 24:37Speaker 05

  Not, I mean, yeah.

• 24:38Speaker 04

  She found a nice, she found a nice little niche. It's getting conversation started, you know? We're starting philosophy again in, in that lady's TikTok comments.

• 24:46Speaker 05

  We are.

• 24:46Speaker 04

  The salon, the, the Parisian salon.

• 24:48Speaker 05

  It's not going well. In the comments. It's not the kind of heightened debate that you imagine originally came out of that problem.

• 24:57Speaker 04

  Sure, sure, sure. You gotta pull the lever, right? Let's talk, let's talk.

• 25:01Speaker 05

  You wanna do trolley problem?

• 25:02Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 25:03Speaker 05

  It randomly comes up on the show a lot.

• 25:06Speaker 05

  When I do your show, we're talking about like, what, what's the perfect size of titty or whatever?

• 25:14Speaker 05

  Is it in cup and up, boys?

• 25:15Speaker 04

  Great question.

• 25:18Speaker 05

  And then on my show, it's we're talking about why, why you struggle with intimacy and what we would do in the trolley problem.

• 25:24Speaker 04

  I would pull, you pull the lever. Sorry to that guy, but of course.

• 25:27Speaker 05

  Yeah, you pull the lever.

• 25:27Speaker 04

  You pull the lever.

• 25:28Speaker 05

  You absolutely pull the lever.

• 25:29Speaker 04

  Done and done.

• 25:29Speaker 05

  There's no question that you pull the lever.

• 25:31Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 25:31Speaker 05

  To me, anybody who says, don't pull the lever is a psychopath.

• 25:34Speaker 04

  If you have a gun, maybe you shoot the guy in the head, cause it's probably easier to die by gunshot than like being run over by a train.

• 25:41Speaker 05

  Yeah, I guess.

• 25:42Speaker 04

  You pull the lever and you shoot the guy in the head. That's the humane thing to do. Cause that, cause it's probably less painful to die that way.

• 25:48Speaker 05

  You're adding?

• 25:50Speaker 05

  You're adding a thing that doesn't need to be added.

• 25:53Speaker 04

  You know, if you had the choice between being run over by a fucking train and getting shot in the head real fast, which would you choose?

• 25:58Speaker 05

  I think probably run over by the train.

• 26:01Speaker 04

  Really?

• 26:01Speaker 05

  Don't you think it would be just as quick?

• 26:03Speaker 04

  No, maybe it's, no, I think it would hurt a lot.

• 26:05Speaker 05

  You think it would hurt?

• 26:06Speaker 04

  Yeah, I think it would hurt.

• 26:07Speaker 05

  I think it'd be quick.

• 26:08Speaker 04

  I don't think so. I think you're being very naive here.

• 26:10Speaker 05

  You think?

• 26:10Speaker 04

  It's time to shoot, you get, especially if you're not expecting getting shot in the head.

• 26:14Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 26:14Speaker 04

  If I'm like, all right, man, sorry, I'm gonna just fucking pull the thing and then real quick, pop. As you're bracing yourself to get run over, you just get the sweet relief of a gun to the head.

• 26:23Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 26:23Speaker 04

  Of a bullet to the back of your skull.

• 26:25Speaker 05

  Can I improve your idea?

• 26:26Speaker 04

  Sure.

• 26:27Speaker 05

  That you don't say, hey, man, sorry. I think you say to the, the guy alone on the track, you go, hey, I'm not gonna pull the lever. I'm gonna let it hit those other people. And he goes, oof, then you shoot him in the head.

• 26:36Speaker 04

  Shoot him in the head and then you pull. And then what if you're like, what if in the excitement of shooting him in the head, you forget to pull the lever?

• 26:42Speaker 04

  Now you've shot the guy and those four people are also dead.

• 26:45Speaker 05

  Run over real quick and shoot all them in the

• 26:46Speaker 04

  Like, sorry, guys.

• 26:47Speaker 05

  No time to pull the lever.

• 26:52Speaker 05

  It's better. It's better this way.

• 26:58Speaker 04

  Okay, interesting, interesting.

• 27:00Speaker 05

  Interesting, interesting, interesting.

• 27:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, I'm glad we got to the bottom of that.

• 27:03Speaker 00

  Ugh, I hate Mondays.

• 27:05Speaker 01

  King's Hawaiian Cinnamon Swirl Bite?

• 27:06Speaker 00

  Uh, Taylor Hansen? Sure, I'll try one.

• 27:10Speaker 01

  Mmm.

• 27:12Speaker 02

  Hey, let's get back to work, please.

• 27:14Speaker 00

  But Taylor Hansen's making my day way better with these new soft and swirly King's Hawaiian Cinnamon Bites.

• 27:18Speaker 02

  Taylor Hansen? Nice.

• 27:20Speaker 01

  Try one.

• 27:22Speaker 02

  Mmm.

• 27:25Speaker 00

  King's Hawaiian Cinnamon Bites. There's nothing like it.

• 27:33Speaker 06

  Kayak searches and compares hundreds of travel sites. But unless I repeat the word kayak, Kayak thinks you won't remember that. So Kayak asked me to say kayak as many times as possible. Kayak. Kayak. Kayak. Kayak. Kayak, kayak, kayak. Kayak. Search and compare travel deals with Kayak. Kayak. Got that right.

• 27:53Speaker 05

  You ever stolen anything?

• 27:55Speaker 04

  Yes, certainly. Um, I did a little, uh, I did, I did, I did a little shoplifting. Uh, I, for years, I would help myself to, uh, the hot bar at my grocery store.

• 28:08Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 28:09Speaker 04

  As I was shopping.

• 28:09Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah.

• 28:10Speaker 04

  I had a lot of fried catfish on the giant on 33rd in, uh, Baltimore. Uh, just would fill up a tin of fried catfish and just snack as I'm shopping, throw it away.

• 28:21Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 28:21Speaker 04

  Eventually, they got rid of the trash cans and I had to just hide the thing somewhere.

• 28:25Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 28:26Speaker 04

  I would hide my trash. But that's classic. I would take a, I would have, uh, lunch and dessert. I would take some kind of Kind Bar or something. Um, and then I shoplifted, uh, a couple of t-shirts by accident. Like, you know when you walk out of a store? Like, I was just holding it and I absentmindedly like walked out of a store and nothing buzzed and I was like,

• 28:46Speaker 05

  No, I stole a t-shirt.

• 28:47Speaker 04

  I'm not going back.

• 28:48Speaker 05

  Yeah, I'm gonna go ask the pair, yeah.

• 28:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, exactly. So, a little bit of that.

• 28:52Speaker 05

  I only survived Chicago for a number of months by stealing from the Whole Foods hotbar.

• 28:57Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 28:58Speaker 05

  I just, and it's not even like, oh, I'd like nibble on a bag of grapes while I shopped. It's like, I would walk in.

• 29:02Speaker 04

  Rotisserie chicken.

• 29:03Speaker 05

  Walk in, take a whole box of food, fill it as full as I could.

• 29:07Speaker 04

  Yep.

• 29:08Speaker 05

  And then go over to the, uh, I would buy like a fucking protein bar or something that was like three bucks. Put the thing on the thing as like a pre-mixed salad or something. Like I would technically still pay like four bucks.

• 29:19Speaker 04

  Sure.

• 29:19Speaker 05

  But it was like $25 worth of hotbar food.

• 29:22Speaker 04

  Love that.

• 29:22Speaker 05

  And that's just how I survived for a while.

• 29:23Speaker 04

  I love that, man.

• 29:24Speaker 05

  Also, steal, I would steal from, I stole, um, a lot of lamps and like bigger furniture items from stores. By putting it on the bottom of the cart and then just not checking it out. And only, and only one time did they ever say anything.

• 29:38Speaker 04

  And then you'd be like.

• 29:39Speaker 05

  I'd be like, oh, it was on the bottom.

• 29:43Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 29:43Speaker 05

  But every other time I stole it and got away with it.

• 29:46Speaker 04

  I love that.

• 29:46Speaker 05

  I used to love stealing.

• 29:47Speaker 04

  It's fun to steal.

• 29:48Speaker 05

  Oh my God, it's a blast.

• 29:49Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 29:50Speaker 05

  I never stole from a small business.

• 29:51Speaker 04

  Smart.

• 29:52Speaker 05

  I never stole from a small business.

• 29:53Speaker 04

  Yep, yep.

• 29:54Speaker 05

  I only stole from the big guys.

• 29:55Speaker 04

  What if it was a real piece of shit small business?

• 29:57Speaker 05

  I would, I just never met one.

• 29:58Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 29:59Speaker 05

  I never met a piece of shit small business that I also could steal from.

• 30:02Speaker 04

  Right, right, right. Cause I'm, I'm thinking of like, like Greek, like, uh, carry out, like the people that would have small restaurants.

• 30:09Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 30:10Speaker 04

  So like, listen, I get we shouldn't, if you choose between big business, small business, steal from a big business. But some small business owners are pieces of shit too.

• 30:18Speaker 05

  Steal.

• 30:18Speaker 04

  They just, they would be Amazon. They're just too stupid. You know what I mean? Like they would love to fucking, to exploit their workers. They just don't know how to do it that much.

• 30:30Speaker 05

  You stealing from small businesses?

• 30:32Speaker 04

  No, I don't actually, but I would.

• 30:34Speaker 05

  Served a Instagram post recently of some small Asian woman standing next to you and going, we love it when Stavi comes in.

• 30:40Speaker 04

  Oh, hell yeah. That's my, yeah, that's my.

• 30:42Speaker 05

  I was like, I bet you do.

• 30:43Speaker 04

  There's the Vietnamese spot right by my house in Baltimore.

• 30:46Speaker 05

  Oh, yeah?

• 30:46Speaker 04

  I'm there a lot.

• 30:47Speaker 05

  She was, I now look back and she like, she had posted you a lot.

• 30:50Speaker 04

  I'm there every time I get a bowl of pho. It, the cost is a picture, uh, at a picture that goes on the Instagram.

• 30:58Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 30:58Speaker 04

  Which is fine.

• 30:59Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 30:59Speaker 04

  Shout out to them. I love it. I, you know, I actually have to fight. Made her to pay.

• 31:02Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 31:03Speaker 04

  She won't let me pay. And now her and my mom are friends. It's really cute.

• 31:06Speaker 05

  I'm not getting treated like that in Kansas City.

• 31:08Speaker 04

  No?

• 31:08Speaker 05

  No, I mean, people were very nice, but you know what the nicest thing someone's done for me in Kansas City?

• 31:12Speaker 04

  What's that?

• 31:12Speaker 05

  Recently, I was at a bar. I was reading a book at a bar that I like, and the bartender very clearly was a fan. She didn't say a word. She brought me, she brought me the drink that I asked for. It was a CBD drink. That, or the, or THD drink that she like mixed into like some kind of cocktail, whatever.

• 31:28Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 31:29Speaker 05

  Brought it over. It was delicious.

• 31:30Speaker 04

  That business is not gonna last, by the way.

• 31:32Speaker 05

  What's that?

• 31:32Speaker 04

  CBD cocktails not gonna last?

• 31:34Speaker 05

  No.

• 31:34Speaker 04

  No, that, that, that's, that bar is already shuttered.

• 31:37Speaker 05

  That won't work. They're, they're closing soon. They, they've already started doing theme nights. It's like, the, the, our business is failing is like screaming out of the place. No, but I love the place. And three very drunk girls came in and were bothering me a lot. Like coming over and like touching me and like taking pictures without asking, taking videos of me from across the bar.

• 31:56Speaker 04

  Hate that.

• 31:57Speaker 05

  And they tried, their next move was they tried sending a bunch of drinks to me. And the bartender, the bartender goes, hey, how about we just let him have a nice night, huh?

• 32:04Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 32:05Speaker 05

  And like turned them off of me.

• 32:06Speaker 04

  That's awesome.

• 32:07Speaker 05

  It was one of the coolest and nicest things anyone has ever done for me.

• 32:10Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 32:10Speaker 05

  But I'm not getting free fa.

• 32:12Speaker 04

  No free fa.

• 32:13Speaker 05

  I'm not getting, when I go to the fa place, they are straight up kind of mean to me. Like I went recently and ordered, I sat at a table, I was reading my book, I was alone. And I ordered at the fa place in my neighborhood that I love. I go, I sit, I order, and I'm sitting at a table inside, right? She brings it all over to go. She brings it all over to go. And I was not, there was a bunch of people in there. Yeah.

• 32:33Speaker 04

  Are you, did they bring you water?

• 32:35Speaker 05

  No. I go, I go, can I get a water and some bowls? I'm gonna eat this here. And she goes, and then like went and got it.

• 32:42Speaker 04

  Well, I will say, probab, you're, that's a lot of real estate for one guy.

• 32:47Speaker 05

  It was a two person table.

• 32:48Speaker 04

  Oh, okay, all right.

• 32:49Speaker 05

  I tip big.

• 32:50Speaker 04

  Yeah, I, I know. I'm, and they're wrong, right?

• 32:52Speaker 05

  They're wrong.

• 32:53Speaker 04

  But I do, I have also gotten fat, like, I have gotten that kind of fat discrimination when it's like a tight spot and they're like, that's a four top.

• 33:01Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 33:03Speaker 04

  There's a different, there's a different group comes in, that's four mouths to feed.

• 33:07Speaker 05

  We could put eight skinny people there.

• 33:08Speaker 04

  Yeah, they're like, it probably will be close, but I'll take my, you know.

• 33:12Speaker 05

  Those skinny people would not eat as much as I'm going to.

• 33:13Speaker 04

  Probably not, but they might get cocktails.

• 33:15Speaker 05

  They will.

• 33:16Speaker 04

  You know?

• 33:16Speaker 05

  Real cocktails.

• 33:17Speaker 04

  And that's where, yeah, and that's where you make your money.

• 33:19Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 33:19Speaker 04

  But you didn't, you didn't deserve that. And I think if anything, if the fat man can't be respected at a eatery.

• 33:24Speaker 05

  Right.

• 33:24Speaker 04

  Where can we be treated like kings?

• 33:26Speaker 05

  To go.

• 33:27Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 33:28Speaker 05

  Let my people go.

• 33:28Speaker 04

  DXL, of course.

• 33:30Speaker 05

  Oh, my God, yeah. I mean, we've talked about DXL. It's a special place.

• 33:33Speaker 04

  I love it, man.

• 33:34Speaker 05

  Do you know what I'm loving lately?

• 33:36Speaker 04

  What's that?

• 33:36Speaker 05

  The Gap.

• 33:37Speaker 04

  Hmm.

• 33:38Speaker 05

  They're making good sweaters over there.

• 33:39Speaker 04

  Really?

• 33:40Speaker 05

  People are scared to talk about this.

• 33:41Speaker 04

  Yeah, and it's about time.

• 33:43Speaker 05

  The Gap is making good sweaters.

• 33:45Speaker 04

  You know, I think I missed, um, I, I, I was so used to no one having fat sizes.

• 33:52Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 33:52Speaker 04

  That I've just been cloistered at DXL for seven years now.

• 33:57Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 33:57Speaker 04

  And I've emerged seeing that, uh, the one thing about capitalism is like, all right, they're realizing everyone's fat as shit in America.

• 34:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 34:05Speaker 04

  So now the Gap does have fat boy sweaters, the Lands' End, uh, you know, you can get a 3X, 4XL at these places.

• 34:12Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 34:12Speaker 04

  I have to, I have to dip back out, see what else is out there.

• 34:15Speaker 05

  You know what I would like?

• 34:16Speaker 04

  What's that?

• 34:17Speaker 05

  If you gave me a couple hundred bucks.

• 34:20Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 34:21Speaker 05

  And just let me shop for you.

• 34:23Speaker 04

  I would love that, too.

• 34:24Speaker 05

  Let me give, let me get you in an outfit.

• 34:26Speaker 04

  You really are the like, the, the diagram of gay and fat and stylish. Very, it's like you might be the guy.

• 34:35Speaker 05

  It's not much of us. It's not many of us.

• 34:37Speaker 04

  Cause I did hi, I did, I hired a gay guy to basically go shopping for me and it changed my life.

• 34:42Speaker 05

  Really?

• 34:42Speaker 04

  Yeah, I got a stylist for like, uh, you know, uh, just, they provided a stylist for the, uh, I did Seth Meyers and hilariously, the, the, um, Focus Features was like, yeah, we'll get you a stylist. So I was like, that's so funny. Absolutely.

• 34:57Speaker 05

  All right, yeah, hell yeah.

• 34:58Speaker 04

  And yeah, it was awesome. He, he just, it was just like a guy who had taste and knew about clothing brands I had never heard of.

• 35:05Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 35:05Speaker 04

  Uh, told me about, you know. Now I'm wearing my jeans higher.

• 35:09Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 35:10Speaker 04

  You know?

• 35:10Speaker 05

  That's one thing, yes.

• 35:11Speaker 04

  That's a big, that's been a big change, getting my fucking pants up here.

• 35:14Speaker 05

  Put them up there.

• 35:15Speaker 04

  Making the silhouette better.

• 35:16Speaker 05

  Put them up there, lengthen those legs, baby.

• 35:18Speaker 04

  Yeah, does lengthen the leg.

• 35:19Speaker 05

  Lengthen those legs.

• 35:20Speaker 04

  I'm feeling very powerful.

• 35:21Speaker 05

  I want to dress you.

• 35:22Speaker 04

  I would love that.

• 35:23Speaker 05

  For at least one event.

• 35:24Speaker 04

  Yeah, I would love that.

• 35:26Speaker 05

  I want to style you for at least one event.

• 35:29Speaker 05

  I want to.

• 35:29Speaker 04

  That we should do, we should both, we should dress each other.

• 35:33Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 35:33Speaker 04

  You know what I mean? You're coming, you're coming in the fucking tracksuit, I'm gonna get you the right tracksuit.

• 35:37Speaker 05

  Put me in a tracksuit. I would love that.

• 35:40Speaker 04

  That would be awesome.

• 35:41Speaker 05

  I had a blast doing Seth Meyers, by the way, I really like him.

• 35:42Speaker 04

  He's the man.

• 35:43Speaker 05

  He's awesome.

• 35:44Speaker 04

  He was so funny, and he was like, he sets you up, it doesn't feel like a, you know, like a weird show. Cause I was, I was, I've never done any of that, like, I've talked for thousands of hours, but you just, we just have never, we skipped all that shit.

• 35:56Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 35:57Speaker 04

  So it was nice to do that show, and he's very funny, so.

• 35:59Speaker 05

  He's very funny and nice and hospitable. I felt you went on, you and I went on right, uh, next to each other, like, back to back, like, we were on very close. It was the first time I had done a late night show too, and I, watching some clips from your interview, I was like, felt the same way that I felt seeing myself there, that I was like, it's kinda funny they have to do this.

• 36:16Speaker 04

  Totally.

• 36:19Speaker 04

  Absolutely.

• 36:19Speaker 05

  It's kinda funny they have to have us on.

• 36:21Speaker 04

  But Seth, he actually seems pumped to have comedians on.

• 36:24Speaker 05

  I think so.

• 36:25Speaker 04

  You know what I mean? Like, I think there's, I don't know, I haven't done any other shows, but it's like, he, there was like a glee. I also know what it's like when I do a bunch of fucking podcasts, and I'm like, oh, when I just have certain people that I know are just gonna riff, I'm like, we're on autopilot.

• 36:39Speaker 05

  Easy, baby.

• 36:40Speaker 04

  Like, it must be so much easier to talk to us than like, somebody on a fucking CW show or whatever.

• 36:45Speaker 05

  You watch these fucking interviews, and you're like, all these late night interviews, the celebrity, the celebrities who aren't very good at being celebrities, there are some celebs that are just born for this shit.

• 36:54Speaker 04

  Crush it, absolutely.

• 36:55Speaker 05

  And then there are celebrities where you're like, they're like, they're like, yes, I'm very excited about the project.

• 36:59Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 37:00Speaker 05

  And it's like, whoa, this is painful.

• 37:02Speaker 04

  And then, and they have like a couple vetted things, where like, my dog loves cookies.

• 37:09Speaker 05

  And that's like the punchline, you know what I mean? Like, I was in the airport and someone thought I was Julia Roberts, which, of course I'm not.

• 37:18Speaker 05

  It's like, fucking Jesus Christ, who wrote these stories for you?

• 37:21Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 37:22Speaker 05

  It's such a nightmare.

• 37:23Speaker 04

  Yeah, meanwhile, I'm ready to go. I got bits, baby.

• 37:26Speaker 05

  You do?

• 37:27Speaker 04

  Seth, I'm coming, whenever you want, I'm back.

• 37:30Speaker 05

  You do have bits.

• 37:31Speaker 04

  Go in there with bits.

• 37:32Speaker 05

  He should have us on there together.

• 37:33Speaker 04

  That would be great.

• 37:34Speaker 05

  He should have us on there together.

• 37:35Speaker 04

  I would love that.

• 37:35Speaker 05

  My thing is, I don't ever want to go on a late night show without a gag. I did a little gag for Seth, I brought him some leftover food as like a bit.

• 37:42Speaker 04

  Love that.

• 37:42Speaker 05

  I want to be, I, I'm, I'd like to go on in full costume sometime.

• 37:45Speaker 04

  Yeah, sure, sure.

• 37:46Speaker 05

  Every time you see me on a late night show, I would like it to be like...

• 37:49Speaker 04

  Meg Stalter's great about that.

• 37:50Speaker 05

  Meg Stalter's great at late night appearances.

• 37:52Speaker 04

  She's so fucking funny at that.

• 37:52Speaker 05

  But that's the thing, is I think we all, our, I think our goal, whether it's just by riffing, or if it's like some silly gag or whatever, our goal as like our generation of comedians needs to be to make this shit fun again.

• 38:03Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 38:04Speaker 05

  Cause it's lost the, the...

• 38:05Speaker 04

  Yeah, absolutely. Well, it used, there used to be no podcasts, and that was a good fuck, like, the Johnny Carson Show was good when it was like Burt Reynolds, just like, or, or just somebody saying inappropriate shit.

• 38:17Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 38:17Speaker 04

  You know what I mean? Like, just fucking talking, talking wild shit.

• 38:20Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 38:21Speaker 04

  Or like, I, clips will come up and it's like, someone just doing bar jokes?

• 38:24Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 38:25Speaker 04

  And it's just like, they're just saying fucked up. It's just so funny, that was on TV, and it's being a good time, but it's like, yeah, for the next, for the next eight months where, well, where late night shows exist, let's make them fun.

• 38:37Speaker 05

  The end of the era.

• 38:38Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 38:39Speaker 05

  Let's make them a good time.

• 38:40Speaker 04

  Absolutely.

• 38:41Speaker 05

  What was I thinking of when you were saying that? The, going on and doing bar jokes? Oh, well, you know, the Quentin Tarantino thing, that he's going after Paul Dano.

• 38:47Speaker 04

  Bizarre.

• 38:48Speaker 05

  Bizarre, but guess what? And by the way, I love Paul Dano. I kinda love it. I'm like, let's bring back public beef. It was exciting.

• 38:55Speaker 04

  I agree with you.

• 38:55Speaker 05

  People took sides, and I'm on Paul Dano's side, but I'm like, I think this is nice. It's fun, this is juicy and good.

• 39:02Speaker 04

  I agree with you.

• 39:03Speaker 05

  And people were getting, people that never knew that Quentin Tarantino's a foot freak, or like, learning that now.

• 39:08Speaker 04

  Didn't know that.

• 39:09Speaker 05

  It's like, fun, you didn't know?

• 39:09Speaker 04

  Who didn't know that? Who didn't know that?

• 39:11Speaker 05

  Oh, right. Like, young people on the internet.

• 39:12Speaker 04

  Really?

• 39:13Speaker 05

  And I'm like, this is exciting.

• 39:14Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 39:14Speaker 05

  Everyone's lore gets drug into it.

• 39:16Speaker 04

  It's a bizarre take, too. Paul Dano's incredible.

• 39:19Speaker 05

  Paul Dano's incredible.

• 39:21Speaker 04

  He was so good in that movie.

• 39:22Speaker 05

  He's good in everything.

• 39:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 39:23Speaker 05

  And, by the way, like, bothers nobody?

• 39:26Speaker 04

  Totally.

• 39:27Speaker 05

  Just like... Like goes and acts and then seems to disappear.

• 39:29Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 39:30Speaker 05

  Like kinda just does his thing.

• 39:31Speaker 04

  Sopranos legend.

• 39:32Speaker 05

  We weird guy to pick a fight with.

• 39:34Speaker 04

  Totally.

• 39:34Speaker 05

  But it was awesome.

• 39:35Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, I agree with you. It was cool. It was cool to have a little beef. Everyone's like, is Daniel Day Lewis gonna say something? And he did. He had Paul Dano's back. That was awesome.

• 39:42Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 39:43Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 39:43Speaker 05

  Alec Baldwin like made a video.

• 39:45Speaker 04

  Hell, yeah.

• 39:45Speaker 05

  Did you see that?

• 39:46Speaker 04

  I didn't.

• 39:46Speaker 05

  He's like in his car and he's like, love Paul Dano, out.

• 39:51Speaker 05

  He felt like he was like doing something massive. I'm like, this is good for the culture.

• 39:56Speaker 04

  Yeah, I agree with you.

• 39:57Speaker 05

  Let the men fight.

• 39:58Speaker 04

  Messiness is nice. It's fun. Shitting on people is not. There's, there's like a little too much media training that now because, and I think it's because everyone is on camera essentially 24/7. You can't stay media trained that long. The cracks are gonna show.

• 40:13Speaker 05

  It's just hard watching like very talented actors that have worked for generations at this point. Being like, I'm very excited to do the project with Kim Kardashian.

• 40:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 40:23Speaker 05

  It's like, come on, tell the truth. You hate that you have to act with her. You hate it. We hate watching it. None of us can escape it. It's where we are, but come on.

• 40:33Speaker 04

  I know.

• 40:34Speaker 05

  Tell us you hate it. You hate it.

• 40:35Speaker 04

  Just yeah, be like, it was a paycheck. Fucking sucks.

• 40:38Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 40:38Speaker 04

  She doesn't, you can't even speak to her. She has to go to chat GPT to respond to you, whatever. When you ask her, hey, Kim, how was your day? She asks her AI assistant before addressing you.

• 40:47Speaker 05

  I did my thing. I tried to act the role. She was kind of just there on set. It was really bizarre. That's what I would like to hear.

• 40:54Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 40:55Speaker 05

  Yeah, she's not very good.

• 40:56Speaker 04

  Do you think Timothy Chalamet, uh, do you think he escapes the Kardashian curse? Because it's the, the, it's pretty, the, the, like, I don't like the, you know, but it's like Lamar Odom, Kanye. It really is like an insane thing where, does anyone come out of dating a Kardashian unscathed? Timmy's our strongest soldier.

• 41:17Speaker 05

  He might be the guy who gets through it.

• 41:18Speaker 04

  He might be the one who gets through it.

• 41:19Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 41:19Speaker 04

  But it is very interesting.

• 41:21Speaker 05

  I don't know.

• 41:21Speaker 04

  Martin Supreme was awesome, by the way.

• 41:23Speaker 05

  I haven't seen it yet.

• 41:24Speaker 04

  So fucking good.

• 41:25Speaker 05

  I love Timothy Chalamet, though.

• 41:26Speaker 04

  He's incredible. I'm not shitting on him. I'm literally saying, is he strong? Is he the chosen one?

• 41:31Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 41:31Speaker 04

  Because like.

• 41:31Speaker 05

  That gets through this alive.

• 41:33Speaker 04

  Because like Kanye, now it's insane, but it's like Kanye was so, it was like, whoa. It was like he's, he felt at the time like, oh, maybe Kanye will get through it. Cause he was before going insane.

• 41:44Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 41:44Speaker 04

  Just the greatest, you know, rapper of a generation, arguably.

• 41:47Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 41:47Speaker 04

  Uh, Timmy is now like the fucking, he's the man. He's so good. It was so good at Mario Supreme. He's been so good at all the shit he's doing. But it's like, can he survive it? Is the swag, is the, is the white boy swag strong enough? I don't know.

• 42:00Speaker 05

  I hope so.

• 42:00Speaker 04

  I hope so too.

• 42:01Speaker 05

  I hope so, cause I love his work.

• 42:02Speaker 04

  Me too.

• 42:03Speaker 05

  I want him to talk a little less about how much he wants to win awards. That part turns me off.

• 42:07Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 42:07Speaker 05

  But I like how earnest he is about wanting to be great at what he does.

• 42:10Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 42:10Speaker 05

  I think that's fucking cool.

• 42:11Speaker 04

  I think so too.

• 42:12Speaker 05

  I'm liking that.

• 42:13Speaker 04

  And he's great at it, dude. I, yeah, Mario Supreme was, was so fucking good.

• 42:16Speaker 05

  I need to see it. I haven't seen it yet. Is it in theaters already?

• 42:18Speaker 04

  It's, I think it's coming out this week.

• 42:20Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 42:20Speaker 04

  I went to a little advanced screening.

• 42:21Speaker 05

  I, do you go to a lot of, I got invited to that, but I don't go to those. Do you like going to those? Are they fun?

• 42:26Speaker 04

  I do. I mean, it, I mean, I just wanted to see that movie so fucking bad that I was like, I'll see it. I need to see it as quickly as possible.

• 42:32Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 42:32Speaker 04

  It just depends on the, now Avatar advanced screening, I will not go to. I will see that on the biggest screen possible.

• 42:37Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 42:37Speaker 04

  I will see that on mushrooms. I don't want to be around colleagues. I want to be 70 millimeter IMAX fucking like this, dude.

• 42:44Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 42:44Speaker 04

  Pupils this fucking big.

• 42:46Speaker 05

  I want to be like the cartoon of what they say the future is going to be like.

• 42:48Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 42:48Speaker 05

  That guy who's hooked up to like a root beer IV.

• 42:50Speaker 04

  I want to be Wally, yeah. I want to be a Wally fat guy watching Avatar on the biggest screen man has ever invented.

• 42:56Speaker 05

  I want that.

• 42:56Speaker 04

  I don't want to be in a little screening room. But if it's, if it's the, if it's like, if it's like a, a good ass movie that I've just been dying to see, I'll see it immediately.

• 43:04Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 43:05Speaker 04

  It was fuck, yeah, it was so good.

• 43:06Speaker 05

  I realized something really dangerous the other day.

• 43:08Speaker 04

  Hmm, hit me with it.

• 43:09Speaker 05

  At my apartment, which is that, um, I didn't do this on purpose.

• 43:13Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 43:13Speaker 05

  Okay, you have to, you have to believe me.

• 43:15Speaker 04

  Okay, okay, okay, okay.

• 43:17Speaker 05

  But I was taking a shit.

• 43:18Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 43:18Speaker 05

  And I realized that if I.

• 43:20Speaker 04

  You could see your TV?

• 43:21Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 43:21Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 43:22Speaker 05

  That I can see the toilet in the living room. If I leave the door open. And I was like, this is changing, cause I was, what I was doing is playing Xbox and I was like, that's.

• 43:31Speaker 05

  I have to take a shit. And I was like, fuck.

• 43:33Speaker 04

  Shitting and playing Xbox.

• 43:34Speaker 05

  I was playing against a guy.

• 43:36Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 43:36Speaker 05

  I was on live.

• 43:37Speaker 04

  You can't lose your ranked.

• 43:38Speaker 05

  I was playing Madden, assuming.

• 43:39Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 43:40Speaker 05

  By the way, have never walked into a podcast with you more comfortable than I did today, knowing that neither of us is gonna be talking shit about football.

• 43:46Speaker 04

  True.

• 43:46Speaker 05

  It was so beautiful.

• 43:47Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 43:48Speaker 05

  I was like, I'm escaping that today.

• 43:49Speaker 04

  I know, you know how much it hurts me to like not have been able to celebrate the Chiefs being eliminated from the playoffs?

• 43:55Speaker 05

  Yeah, you can.

• 43:56Speaker 04

  Cause I got even more fucking.

• 43:58Speaker 05

  You guys are ass, yeah.

• 43:59Speaker 04

  We suck so bad.

• 44:00Speaker 05

  So do we. We, I think we have the exact same record right now. It's humiliating.

• 44:03Speaker 04

  Ah, it kills me, but anyway.

• 44:05Speaker 05

  But anyway.

• 44:06Speaker 04

  You're shitting, playing Xbox. Let's get to what's important.

• 44:08Speaker 05

  I was playing Madden. I can't, you can't, I already had taken my timeout. You don't get a lot of timeouts when you're playing some live.

• 44:13Speaker 04

  Right, right, right.

• 44:14Speaker 05

  So I took the controller. I'm taking a shit. The TV's, you know, it's kinda far away.

• 44:18Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 44:19Speaker 05

  It's not a small place.

• 44:20Speaker 04

  Not a small place. You're doing well.

• 44:22Speaker 05

  But I'm playing on the toilet.

• 44:23Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 44:24Speaker 05

  And, uh, yeah, I just realized like, this is really good for me.

• 44:28Speaker 04

  Yeah. Well, this is, you're taking me back to an era before phones, before laptops. I had, as a, as a youth, our, my TV, the TV that I would hang out in was in the kitchen, the basement.

• 44:40Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 44:40Speaker 04

  And we had a mirror on our bathroom and I could rig it up just right to get the me-

• 44:46Speaker 05

  Rig it up!

• 44:47Speaker 04

  I would watch, I would watch TV while shitting through the mirror.

• 44:49Speaker 05

  Rig it up!

• 44:50Speaker 04

  So I was just like, I had to get it just right. Nothing could be obstructing the view. It was pretty far away.

• 44:54Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 44:54Speaker 04

  But I, you're taking, you're, I'm, you know, and then dude, the, the phones, you know, these, these kids, these whippersnappers.

• 45:01Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 45:02Speaker 04

  They don't know about taking your hot ass, huge laptop, burning your thighs.

• 45:06Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 45:07Speaker 04

  Cause you're shitting and fucking playing balloons, tower defense, or whatever the fuck you're doing. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, we've seen it all.

• 45:14Speaker 05

  They don't know about jerking off on a desktop.

• 45:15Speaker 04

  No. Putting your foot on the door cause there's no lock?

• 45:18Speaker 05

  Yes.

• 45:19Speaker 04

  And your grandma's vacuuming in the next room?

• 45:21Speaker 05

  Moving a mouse.

• 45:24Speaker 05

  And you have, you have the volume on so low that you're like putting your ear to the computer, fucking stroking while your foot's on the door. It was an escape room.

• 45:33Speaker 04

  It was crazy.

• 45:33Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 45:34Speaker 04

  It was crazy.

• 45:34Speaker 05

  You were doing an escape room.

• 45:36Speaker 04

  They really don't know. It is very fun. I was thinking about this, how pathetic it's gotten to like the back in my day stories. You know what I mean? Where it's like, this is the kind of stuff, I'm like, the kids don't know. And then I was thinking about like how, uh, it used to be when a young, like when a young hot woman would date an older accomplished man, it was like a professor, a lawyer, like a captain of industry, someone she could learn something from. And like, I'm dating women younger than me and I'm like, yeah, George Clooney was actually Batman. I don't know if you knew that. And like, that's what I'm teaching her about. I'm like, yeah, it was actually pretty good. Everyone says it sucks, but it's a pretty campy movie. You watch it for fun these days. Like, that's the knowledge, that's the knowledge I have to give. It's like, they're getting nothing. There's no leg up in anything.

• 46:21Speaker 04

  It's just you're not learning anything.

• 46:22Speaker 05

  They used to get taught like Latin or something.

• 46:24Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 46:26Speaker 05

  They're getting nothing from you.

• 46:27Speaker 04

  Fine oil painting.

• 46:29Speaker 05

  He would like teach her how to like taste wine or something.

• 46:31Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not getting that here.

• 46:33Speaker 05

  You're dating a 27 year old.

• 46:34Speaker 04

  You're watching Reno 911. I'm like, this is where the new boots goofing meme came from.

• 46:39Speaker 05

  So you've seen this picture before. It's a still from a larger piece.

• 46:48Speaker 05

  So yeah, that picture you love?

• 46:49Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 46:50Speaker 05

  That moves in your phone?

• 46:51Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 46:51Speaker 05

  It's from a TV show.

• 46:52Speaker 04

  It's good.

• 46:53Speaker 05

  We used to have TV shows.

• 46:54Speaker 04

  We used to have TV shows, yeah.

• 46:56Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 46:56Speaker 04

  Yep, yep, yep. So, but you know, I'm okay with that.

• 46:59Speaker 05

  Now there's only one entertainment company and it's called The Company.

• 47:01Speaker 04

  It's called, yeah, yeah.

• 47:02Speaker 05

  But we used to have many of them and they made different kinds of things.

• 47:05Speaker 04

  It was awesome.

• 47:06Speaker 05

  Yeah, what do you think of the Netflix HBO deal? Well, you like it?

• 47:08Speaker 04

  Tough stuff. I mean, I guess it's better than, our options are theaters go extinct or an evil Zionist family owns every media company? And it's like, I guess theaters go extinct. Like, I'm not happy about it, but like, I'm, and then I'm hoping like, you know, I'm hoping maybe through, uh, you know, I'm a Netflix guy, Ted Sarand. Is a Greek man. I hope I can maybe I'm trying to get into there's a Greek Hollywood Illuminati. People don't know this.

• 47:38Speaker 05

  I know that.

• 47:39Speaker 04

  It's very small.

• 47:40Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 47:40Speaker 04

  Right. Stamos is pretty much the king.

• 47:42Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 47:43Speaker 04

  I'm trying through Stamos to get.

• 47:45Speaker 05

  You, Stamos, Neovar.

• 47:46Speaker 04

  Neovarados, yup. And there's, you know, people you're in the shadows that you don't know about. And I like I I'm try I'm hoping get me in Greek Illuminati. Let me talk to Ted. Let me say Ted, let's get these theaters going, baby.

• 47:59Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 47:59Speaker 04

  Netflix, because I really actually do think Netflix could they like if they had some kind of movie pass thing? Where it's like you go to a Netflix theater and you see fucking movies, you be like it's part of your subscription.

• 48:11Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 48:11Speaker 04

  Theaters are fucking awesome. And I also think, uh, I also think like we're all these classic movies are classic because people remember them from theaters.

• 48:21Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 48:21Speaker 04

  Like there's just, you will be a stronger media company if you keep shit in theaters. Because a movie that was the people remember watching there, they will cherish it so much longer than even a really good movie they see on streaming. So I'm hopeful. I hope they keep the brands kind of separate because I do think HBO, like a good HBO show is still the one like little fleeting part of monoculture we might get.

• 48:46Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 48:46Speaker 04

  Because it's like every week people are fucking tuning like when Game of Thrones was huge, when it's like, you know, and and like that was kind of my hope was like if I had any aspirations of mate wanting to do a show, I was like, it would be fucking cool to do like, uh, just a, uh, a show that people watch and like get hooked on. So who knows? I hope, I hope we figure it out. I hope, uh, we keep movies in theaters, but it's kind of scary. It is.

• 49:11Speaker 05

  It's an awesome timeline that the choices are either we never go to a movie together with strangers again. Or every movie is about the beautiful partnership between Israel. And the United States. It's like, okay.

• 49:24Speaker 04

  Absolutely.

• 49:24Speaker 05

  So these are the choices.

• 49:26Speaker 04

  Talking to you in the camera and be like, here are the approved words for this week.

• 49:32Speaker 04

  Fucking dumb bitch dude, it's so crazy how they just gave that lady the fucking.

• 49:36Speaker 05

  They gave her the news. They gave her the news.

• 49:39Speaker 04

  Fucking idiot, but anyway, it's crazy dude.

• 49:41Speaker 05

  Truly.

• 49:42Speaker 04

  It's, it's, it's fucking wild, but yeah, if those are my options, I'm fucking, you know, I'm a Netflix company man. We'll go watch tires. We got specials on there, all that stuff.

• 49:51Speaker 05

  It is objectively funny though, that during the strikes Netflix was like the, the biggest fighter of it. They're like, we have no money to give you guys. And then when it's time to buy HBO 30 billion above valuation, they're like, time to get in the game.

• 50:03Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 50:05Speaker 05

  I do love that. That's truly me.

• 50:07Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 50:08Speaker 05

  That's me when it's time to pay my gym membership or eat out 17 times a week.

• 50:13Speaker 04

  Yeah, Netflix is your rich friend that asks you for a Venmo instantly.

• 50:16Speaker 05

  Instantly.

• 50:17Speaker 04

  They're, they're not picking. It's like, come on, man. You can't get the enchiladas. You're doing good.

• 50:21Speaker 05

  The wine was for the table and you were at the table.

• 50:25Speaker 05

  Hit my Venmo.

• 50:27Speaker 04

  I know. And look, honestly, what neat, what would be great is if we fucking actually had competition and there was separate studios. And who knows, maybe like this, everything kind of feels cyclical because this is how media used to. There was a Supreme Court case that broke up, um, you know, the studios. And then what happened to the, like, I kind of think what we're in for, I'm hoping, and maybe hopefully we can be a part of it is like, this happened and then there was like real, like real indie cinema. And I think that's the answer.

• 50:58Speaker 05

  Indie revival.

• 50:59Speaker 04

  I truly think that's the answer because I, I don't even want, like, I like to make comedies. I don't need, you know, some, some people, it's different, right? If you want to make a big sweeping epic, whatever, you probably need financing that's hundreds of millions of dollars. I can make a fuck, you know, I made a move for $750,000. I, if you gave me five million bucks, I would be happy to do that. And I think, you know, like one of my favorite movies of the year was Sorry Baby, right? That's like just.

• 51:24Speaker 05

  Great movie.

• 51:24Speaker 04

  Somebody who had a vision, who it did, I don't know how much it cost, but it probably wasn't that much. It was like a one loc, pretty much a couple of locations and it was really like a tour driven, right?

• 51:35Speaker 05

  Ava Victor. If you haven't seen it, go see it. They did an incredible job.

• 51:38Speaker 04

  Incredible, like truly like an, because like I'm. Trying to make movies and it's like, it it was also cool because Ava was just, it was someone who was on the internet, kind of popped off like front. It was cool to see somebody else get out of the internet trenches and make a really good movie. Like, look, my movie is fine. Go see it. It's on Hulu right now. But that was like, uh, they directed it.

• 51:59Speaker 05

  It's an art piece.

• 51:59Speaker 04

  Wrote it, starred in it. And it's like shit like that. It's like, yeah, even like your movie that just, you know, Trash Mountain, like, uh, Let's Start a Cult was like just a tri- a trial of making a movie, but I do think we're hopefully in for people just kind of making smaller movies to get their voices out there and that like, yeah, our fans hopefully will support it and start like a little like sort of like that can be the the like, uh, Tinder to just like make it blow up and more people to see it.

• 52:30Speaker 05

  Our fa- our fans have got, you have to, if you're, if you're somebody who likes it, not even just you and I.

• 52:34Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 52:34Speaker 05

  But like, if you're somebody who wants to see an indie film revival, if you're somebody who wants to see projects that are actually good getting made, you have got to, like, ju- you have to go see it. You have to spend money on it.

• 52:46Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah.

• 52:46Speaker 05

  You have to also talk about it. You have to make TikToks.

• 52:48Speaker 04

  For sure.

• 52:48Speaker 05

  You have to fucking, I, I, you have to fucking do like a fucking viral dance trend for it or something.

• 52:53Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 52:54Speaker 05

  You have to like, if you want us to be able to do this shit, like when Trash Mountain comes out, I'm gonna be more annoying than I've ever been.

• 52:59Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 52:59Speaker 05

  About asking people, please fucking go see this in theaters.

• 53:03Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 53:03Speaker 05

  Right away. Please post about this if it gets to go to theaters.

• 53:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 53:06Speaker 05

  Like, there has to be, we're gonna do our part to try and make it happen, but if you want to see something other than just like uh, fourteen celebrities each getting paid twenty million dollars to do a movie that goes straight to Amazon Prime, you're gonna have to like get in the trenches with us a little bit.

• 53:20Speaker 04

  It's true. But that is ki- I I will say it's also a little exciting to me because it's like, who care? Like, the, the way I look at it is that every part of my life shouldn't have, like, I, uh, everything has been like, shouldn't have happened. Everything's, I've been lucky to get all this shit. Everything's been hard. So it's like, fuck it, let's make getting movies hard. I don't give a fuck. Like, we'll make it. We'll figure it out. We'll do something that's, even if I don't get to do anything but like small movies that I have to pay for myself, it's like, that's fine. I don't need anything. What I want to do is make stuff. And so I think, I kind of just think we're ki- We're almost like reverting back to films like, like media is kind of reverting back to like the twenties or some shit, or like the, or even like, or in other ways, the seventies where it was like

• 54:01Speaker 04

  the first wave of like, you know, kind of like weird indie film, whatever, but I'm, I'm happy to like, I also think there's a world where you can tour movies, like go and see, do it like from city to city and like, try and, and get the word out that way.

• 54:16Speaker 05

  I've been working on trying to figure this out.

• 54:17Speaker 04

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have, yeah, I'd love to talk about it, because I, I do, I we discovered some stuff on Let's Start a Cult that I was like, oh, the next one I've really, I really know how this could work. Um, but it's all, I mean, at the end of the day, it sucks that all the money is going to these huge mega conglomerates, but it's like, that almost makes it exciting for artists to be like, we'll actually show you that we can beat you by just actually making good stuff. And so it kind of gives, it actually gives me a little purpose to not be the, I started talking about with a husk, how I feel like I'm barely a man, but it's like, this, I'm like, fuck yeah, let me make a, a movie of dick jokes so stupid that it defeats a trillion dollar corporation. That's cool to me. That's like a cool way to like, look at

• 55:01Speaker 04

  making art. It's nice to have an adversary of, that's trying to suck, you know, artistry out of what we do. So, I'm cool either way. I think we'll be fine.

• 55:09Speaker 05

  I'm, I'm so indie film revival, indie TV revival, I'm so ready for it. And also the nice thing is like, I, I wish that more people who made money doing shit like this.

• 55:20Speaker 04

  Mm-hmm.

• 55:21Speaker 05

  The, one of the issues right now is that so many internet people who, who make a good living doing internet stuff, they don't have any aspirations outside of it. They just want to pay their bills. I'm trying to get more of those people interested in making art, because I'm like, we're the people who can actually do it because our bills are paid. Like, let's go, like, fucking make,

• 55:39Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 55:39Speaker 05

  let's all pitch in money and go make a movie that we believe in. Instead of just doing another brand deal or whatever. Do those two.

• 55:46Speaker 04

  Well, do those two make stuff. That's how I look at it. It's like, this is the like, the way to pay for Like cooler shit.

• 55:54Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 55:54Speaker 04

  And I love doing, like, I've, I've gotten to a place where I love doing the podcast and, but it's, yeah, we're somehow in America, podcasting is the only industry that makes money. I don't know how that happens.

• 56:05Speaker 05

  It's the only one.

• 56:05Speaker 04

  It's insane.

• 56:06Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 56:06Speaker 04

  It's like the most profitable thing. Like, I really feel like my artistic career, I feel like my own, I feel like my podcast, nepo baby, where it's like, I get to do like, whatever I want, because my podcast pays for everything.

• 56:19Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 56:20Speaker 04

  You know, like, my podcast is my rich husband.

• 56:22Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 56:22Speaker 04

  You know what I mean?

• 56:23Speaker 05

  100%.

• 56:24Speaker 04

  And like, making movie, making indie movies, or even my stand-up tour, even like, people, now, people know me as a stand-up, but it's like, at first, people knew me from a podcast, and I had to trick them into like, stand-up. And so it's like, yeah, I look at it that way, where it's like, yeah, be your own fucking nepo baby. Like, make some duh, even if it fucking sucks, art is for, it's about the, the act of creation. It's like, at least do something interesting.

• 56:45Speaker 05

  So True is my, my benefactor.

• 56:47Speaker 04

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 56:48Speaker 05

  It's my like, it's my like, you know how old, rich people used to pay painters to just like, paint all day long?

• 56:53Speaker 04

  Yes, yes, yes, yes.

• 56:53Speaker 05

  So True is paying me to go and like, make an indie film and roll it away.

• 56:57Speaker 04

  Yes, yes, yes.

• 56:58Speaker 05

  That's the, that's the relationship.

• 56:59Speaker 04

  I love that, yeah. You're, you're, you're changing, it's So True's diapers.

• 57:02Speaker 05

  Ah, yes.

• 57:03Speaker 04

  You're like, you know, you're feeding it applesauce.

• 57:05Speaker 05

  I kiss it on the forehead.

• 57:06Speaker 04

  Yeah.

• 57:06Speaker 05

  I tell it it's so handsome.

• 57:07Speaker 04

  You're so handsome, So True.

• 57:11Speaker 05

  Oh, your personality is what brings me here.

• 57:13Speaker 04

  By the way, can I go shopping?

• 57:16Speaker 05

  I want to make a movie.

• 57:19Speaker 05

  Wouldn't that be sexy?

• 57:20Speaker 04

  Can I rent some red cameras, please, So True?

• 57:24Speaker 05

  I put on some little lingerie. Ask So True if I can go on tour.

• 57:31Speaker 05

  Speaking of.

• 57:32Speaker 04

  Yes.

• 57:32Speaker 05

  Stavi, what's So True to you today?

• 57:34Speaker 04

  Ooh, I, I don't know why I didn't see this coming.

• 57:36Speaker 05

  You fucker.

• 57:37Speaker 04

  I've, I've done the show so many, I was like, is this the?

• 57:40Speaker 05

  This your 10th time on the show, I think?

• 57:42Speaker 04

  Second?

• 57:42Speaker 05

  Yeah, something like that.

• 57:43Speaker 04

  Yeah, I've only done it once, I don't remember. This is my first time. Um, what is So True to me? Uh, I guess, despite life being a nightmare.

• 57:56Speaker 04

  And you having to face endless tragedies. Every time you get over one of those, you're stronger. And it makes the beautiful stuff in life that much more. Enduring all the dog shit makes all the beautiful things that much better. Like coming here to your pals' new studio and talking about how empty life is. But that you do want to make indie movies, I guess, you know?

• 58:20Speaker 05

  It's a really good so true, and I can't stress enough that I still don't know what's going on with you. I love you to death.

• 58:26Speaker 04

  It's good because it's very bite sized, it made sense.

• 58:31Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 58:31Speaker 04

  Written out, it won't look like the ramblings of an insane man, that's for sure. I thought you were gonna say, speaking of, because you were like, can I go on tour? I should plug my tour, actually, because I do have a-

• 58:42Speaker 05

  Of course you should plug your tour.

• 58:42Speaker 04

  I have a ton of, I have a ton of dates. I'm gonna shoot a special at the end of April. Go to stavi.biz. I don't know the dates, but Radio City, that's a big one in March.

• 58:55Speaker 05

  Come on, Radio City.

• 58:56Speaker 04

  I'm gonna be in Radio City, I'm gonna be in Florida, I'm gonna be in Ohio, I'm gonna be in... Fuck, I should have prepared for this. You got anything, Chan? You got something for me, Chan?

• 59:06Speaker 05

  I love, by the way, that this, none of this is sounding like taking a break.

• 59:10Speaker 04

  I didn't say I was taking a break till July.

• 59:11Speaker 05

  I want you to take a break.

• 59:13Speaker 04

  Tampa, yeah, scroll down for me, baby boy. Red Bank, Philly, Burlington, Vermont, I think, yeah, Buffalo after that. Yeah, Ohio, Lexington, Kentucky, Des Moines, Springfield-

• 59:26Speaker 05

  Springfield, Missouri!

• 59:27Speaker 04

  St. Louis, Cincinnati, Columbus, Minnesota, Rockford, Illinois, Mississippi, I didn't know about that. Biloxi, Mississippi, Radio City, yeah, the old Biloxi, Mississippi-

• 59:41Speaker 05

  Radio City routing. Shout out to Stavi's touring agent, who is killing it.

• 59:49Speaker 04

  Orlando, Jacksonville, Atlanta, West Virginia, Fort Wayne, yeah, I'm all over the place. Milwaukee, Rochester, and then we're gonna film the spe- we're working on where we're gonna film the special, but I'm very excited for that, too, so.

• 1:00:00Speaker 05

  Hell, yeah, brother.

• 1:00:01Speaker 04

  Yeah, please come see me and listen to Stavi's world, all that good stuff.

• 1:00:03Speaker 05

  All that good stuff, and before you go, you know you gotta play the game.

• 1:00:07Speaker 04

  Oh shit.

• 1:00:07Speaker 05

  You gotta play true or false, brother.

• 1:00:08Speaker 04

  Let's do it. I haven't done it last time. Yeah, let's go.

• 1:00:10Speaker 05

  You gotta play true or false. All right, I'm gonna read you 15 statements. You're gonna tell me as quickly as you can if what I just said is true or false. Stavi, if you get 10 or more correct, we're gonna give you 50 US dollars.

• 1:00:18Speaker 04

  Fuck, yes, dude.

• 1:00:19Speaker 05

  You ready? Tab soda was invented by the Mormon church.

• 1:00:23Speaker 04

  False.

• 1:00:23Speaker 05

  False. The dog from Air Bud is still alive.

• 1:00:25Speaker 04

  False.

• 1:00:26Speaker 05

  False, dead. Seth MacFarlane was a writer for Johnny Bravo.

• 1:00:28Speaker 04

  True.

• 1:00:29Speaker 05

  True. Deion Sanders wore number 36 for the Ravens.

• 1:00:32Speaker 04

  37, false.

• 1:00:33Speaker 05

  Yeah, false. The Michelin man's real name is Curtis.

• 1:00:36Speaker 04

  False.

• 1:00:36Speaker 05

  False, bibbendom. Bats are blind.

• 1:00:40Speaker 04

  False.

• 1:00:41Speaker 05

  False, they can see and use echolocation.

• 1:00:43Speaker 04

  Oh, yeah.

• 1:00:43Speaker 05

  The official language of Brazil is Spanish.

• 1:00:45Speaker 04

  False.

• 1:00:46Speaker 05

  False, it's Portuguese.

• 1:00:46Speaker 04

  Portuguese.

• 1:00:47Speaker 05

  Hypnos is the ancient Greek god of sleep.

• 1:00:50Speaker 04

  True.

• 1:00:50Speaker 05

  True. Hypnos. Some of these are gimmies this week.

• 1:00:53Speaker 04

  This is awesome. These are great.

• 1:00:54Speaker 05

  Texas is the largest US state by landmass.

• 1:00:58Speaker 04

  False, Alaska.

• 1:00:59Speaker 05

  False, it's Alaska. John Candy was 5'11".

• 1:01:02Speaker 04

  False.

• 1:01:03Speaker 05

  False, he was 6'2". Argentine, dude, if you're the first guest, if you're the first guest.

• 1:01:08Speaker 04

  Now you're jinxing me, you piece of shit. You fucking knew it. You know what you're doing.

• 1:01:11Speaker 05

  Argentina won the FIFA World Cup in 2022.

• 1:01:16Speaker 04

  There was no World Cup in 22. False.

• 1:01:20Speaker 05

  It's true.

• 1:01:21Speaker 04

  Fuck!

• 1:01:23Speaker 04

  I thought it was 24.

• 1:01:24Speaker 05

  Maybe the most legendary run we've had, though, on the show.

• 1:01:26Speaker 04

  Fuck!

• 1:01:27Speaker 05

  American Eagle was founded in 1997.

• 1:01:30Speaker 04

  I knew they won, too. I just didn't know. I thought you were trying to trick me with 22. Fuck you. When was it? What'd you say?

• 1:01:36Speaker 05

  American Eagle was founded in 1997.

• 1:01:39Speaker 04

  False.

• 1:01:39Speaker 05

  False, 1977. Gerald Ford was a Republican.

• 1:01:42Speaker 04

  True.

• 1:01:42Speaker 05

  True. A group of bears is called a sleuth.

• 1:01:45Speaker 04

  False.

• 1:01:45Speaker 05

  True. Baltimore's Polytechnic Institute's fight song is polyfight song.

• 1:01:54Speaker 04

  This is my fucking high school, you piece of shit.

• 1:01:57Speaker 04

  False.

• 1:01:58Speaker 05

  Twelve?

• 1:02:00Speaker 04

  Twelve.

• 1:02:00Speaker 05

  With ten in a row. Dude, I got really, I think if you were the first guest to get all fifteen, we have to end the show. It just feels, it feels like-

• 1:02:08Speaker 04

  I could have gotten Argentina. I think there was no chance I would have got, and I might have, I was fifty fifty on Polly. I was sure Bears was not sleuth.

• 1:02:17Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:02:17Speaker 04

  So I would have gotten that wrong.

• 1:02:18Speaker 05

  You murdered that.

• 1:02:19Speaker 04

  Thank you. I appreciate it.

• 1:02:20Speaker 05

  Appreciate it. Is there anything else you want to plug, Stoff?

• 1:02:23Speaker 04

  Just, just come see me on tour. Uh, you know, I think that's pretty much it. Let's start a cult. I mean, go watch Begonia if you haven't, but yeah, that's it.

• 1:02:31Speaker 05

  I love it. Thanks for doing it, Tim.

• 1:02:32Speaker 04

  Thank you, dude.

• 1:02:33Speaker 05

  Always a pleasure.

• 1:02:34Speaker 04

  You're the best.

• 1:02:34Speaker 05

  Love you. Bye.

• 1:02:35Speaker 04

  Bye.

• 1:02:36Speaker 05

  See ya.

• 1:02:36Speaker 00

  Ugh, I hate Mondays.

• 1:02:38Speaker 01

  King's Hawaiian cinnamon swirl bite?

• 1:02:40Speaker 00

  Uh, Taylor Hansen? Sure, I'll try one.

• 1:02:43Speaker 01

  Mmm.

• 1:02:46Speaker 02

  Hey, let's get back to work, please.

• 1:02:47Speaker 00

  But Taylor Hansen's making my day way better with these new soft and swirly King's Hawaiian cinnamon bites.

• 1:02:52Speaker 02

  Taylor Hansen? Nice.

• 1:02:54Speaker 01

  Try one.

• 1:02:55Speaker 02

  Mmm.

• 1:02:59Speaker 00

  King's Hawaiian cinnamon bites. There's nothing like it.