"RE-RELEASE: Tina Fey"

What can we say about the lovely Tina Fey? The talented actor, writer, creator and producer is granted 1-hour of time from her parole officer / daughter to blast out a quick pod with her GPS ankle-bracelet triangulated by 3 cell towers. It's explosive, it's magical, and it Juliennes fries. This episode was originally released on 5/10/2021.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Sean Hayes?

  This episode of Smartless is sponsored by Google Book. So the other day, I wanted to make invitations for my dog Ricky's birthday party. And I've got three things open on my laptop. An adorable photo of Ricky, a picture of a birthday cake, and the RSVP details. Thing is, as much as I look like one, I'm not a canine birthday party invitation designer. That's where Google Book comes in. It's a whole new kind of laptop with a feature called Magic Pointer. I just click the photos and different elements on my screen, and boom, Magic Pointer designs a customized birthday party invitation for Ricky. Click anything on your screen to create whatever you want. Visit googlebook.com. Available to 18-plus users.

• 0:44Sean Hayes?

  Compatibility and availability vary.

• 0:49Sean Hayes?

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• 1:29Sean Hayes?

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• 2:04Sean Hayes?

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• 2:43Will Arnett?

  Sean, you'll never guess what we're gonna do today.

• 2:46Sean Hayes?

  Are we gonna record an episode? Did I just guess it right?

• 2:49Will Arnett?

  Uh, well, first, man, how many times? Baby steps. First thing we're gonna do is we're gonna welcome our audience and we're gonna say...

• 2:57Sean Hayes?

  Oh, welcome to Smartless.

• 3:01Will Arnett?

  Try to do it in time.

• 3:03Sean Hayes?

  Okay, sorry, one more time. One, two, three, on three.

• 3:05Will Arnett?

  No, the moment's gone.

• 3:08Will Arnett?

  Welcome to Smartless.

• 3:26Will Arnett?

  Speaking of hydrating, uh, did you, did you run six miles yet today, Bevan?

• 3:31Jason Bateman?

  No, no, it'll be after this.

• 3:33Will Arnett?

  I didn't think so. Just looking at you, I didn't think so.

• 3:35Jason Bateman?

  I'm holding a little water right now, yeah. It's gonna be after this session, so I got real tight, I got a hard out in, uh, 55 minutes.

• 3:43Will Arnett?

  I was on my, I was boxing today. I did my, you know, I'm doing this, this thing, boxing at home. I mean, I know, listen, it's a tough guy thing, obviously.

• 3:51Sean Hayes?

  You box at home? Like in your garage?

• 3:54Will Arnett?

  Yeah, like just with boxes, like I'm just putting boxes together.

• 3:57Sean Hayes?

  Oh, okay.

• 3:57Jason Bateman?

  Beautiful.

• 3:58Will Arnett?

  What did you think I meant?

• 4:01Jason Bateman?

  You don't really have, you're not one of those dorks with a

• 4:04Will Arnett?

  Heavy bag.

• 4:04Jason Bateman?

  A heavy bag hanging in your garage.

• 4:06Sean Hayes?

  Ew, that's gross. Do you really have one?

• 4:09Will Arnett?

  It's not hanging, it's on a stand. I got one of these things.

• 4:12Jason Bateman?

  It's on the ground, he just tackles it.

• 4:14Will Arnett?

  Thoreau talked me into it, and then you look at Thoreau's arms, he's on the cover of Esquire, Justin Thoreau, thank you.

• 4:21Jason Bateman?

  Why haven't we had Justin on the show yet?

• 4:23Will Arnett?

  Because we want to talk about him more. We haven't talked about him enough on the show to then have him on.

• 4:29Sean Hayes?

  I would like, I met him like once or twice, such a nice guy, but I don't know him like you guys do, I would love to.

• 4:33Will Arnett?

  Okay.

• 4:34Jason Bateman?

  Well, Will, which one of us, they can't really be surprised, one of us has got a...

• 4:38Will Arnett?

  Well, one of us is gonna get on it and the other one's gonna be surprised that the other one did it first. Look, anyway, we gotta get to our guest. Our guest is an incredible writer, performer. Started as a performer, became a writer, then started becoming a performer again. And the second I mention one of the things, you're gonna be like, I know exactly who this is. We've talked a lot over the episodes with people who've been on SNL. We haven't had anybody who's been on the anchor desk. This person was on the anchor desk for many years.

• 5:09Jason Bateman?

  Tina, Tina, Tina, Tina, Tina.

• 5:12Will Arnett?

  She wrote Mean Girls, she wrote everything, she does everything, it's Tina.

• 5:16Jason Bateman?

  Tina.

• 5:17Speaker 03

  Hi, my three buddies, how are you?

• 5:19Sean Hayes?

  Oh, look at her, she's outside.

• 5:22Will Arnett?

  You can't say anything and then not know that it's Tina.

• 5:25Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 5:26Jason Bateman?

  Hi.

• 5:27Sean Hayes?

  Wait, are you in, is that an outside area of your apartment that I never saw the outside?

• 5:32Speaker 03

  No, I have a, I have a weekend home now, since the last I saw you, Sean.

• 5:38Jason Bateman?

  There's no apartments in the Hudson Valley.

• 5:40Will Arnett?

  No, she weekends in the Hudson Valley, this is, yeah, this is her weekend home.

• 5:44Speaker 03

  It's my weekend home.

• 5:46Sean Hayes?

  Tina, do you and I have the exact same frames?

• 5:49Speaker 03

  I think yours look black and white, mine look a little tortoise-y. And can I say something, just so you know, like something, what I'm dealing with here, there's an incredibly passive aggressive nine-year-old out here with me who will not vacate the area.

• 6:04Will Arnett?

  Really?

• 6:06Speaker 03

  And she's playing some basketball, which is like, this is probably the first day in her life that she's chosen to play some basketball, and it's during this podcast.

• 6:14Jason Bateman?

  But that's okay, it's a great, it's great ambient sound.

• 6:17Will Arnett?

  Incoming, incoming.

• 6:18Jason Bateman?

  It's great ambient sound.

• 6:20Will Arnett?

  So Tina, so Tina, tell me, what, so yes, we've all been at home for the last year, or some version of home, or in one of our many homes.

• 6:28Speaker 03

  One of our many, many homes.

• 6:30Jason Bateman?

  So relatable.

• 6:31Will Arnett?

  But, but do you, do you, so what, what does that mean for you right now, getting back to it, because you're always, I always feel like you're always create, I know you've just created a new show.

• 6:42Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 6:43Will Arnett?

  Right, that's about to start.

• 6:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, I just, we have a, I produced a show, it's called Girls 5 Eva, that comes out on Peacock on May 6.

• 6:52Jason Bateman?

  Wait, what's it called?

• 6:52Speaker 03

  It's called Girls 5 Eva. And it's comedy, it's super funny, and it's got, it's-

• 6:58Jason Bateman?

  It starts you out with a laugh, there we go.

• 7:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, Girls 5 Eva.

• 7:01Jason Bateman?

  I like the title.

• 7:02Speaker 03

  It's about a bunch of women who were in sort of a Danity Kane level girl group around 2000, and then their song gets sampled now, and they're like, should we, we're all 40, we should get our band back together, right? And it stars, uh-

• 7:17Jason Bateman?

  That's a good idea.

• 7:17Speaker 03

  That's really funny. Yeah, it's really funny, it's Meredith Cardino is the creator on it, and it stars Sara Bareilles, who is a delight, and her voice is ridiculous, and- She's incredible. And also, she's like a lovely natural actress, and then Renee Lee's Goldsberry, who you know from, oh, I don't know, fucking Hamilton, Will, Jesus.

• 7:39Jason Bateman?

  You get the look off your face.

• 7:40Will Arnett?

  Are you saying that, you saying that, because I'm the only, I, for so long, I was the only person who hadn't seen it, and it was my badge of honor, because I was like, I want to see a fucking musical, stop telling me it's so great, it's a musical.

• 7:51Jason Bateman?

  And did you?

• 7:52Will Arnett?

  I get it, I did see it, it was great, yeah, it was great.

• 7:54Speaker 03

  It was great, yeah, it was great.

• 7:56Will Arnett?

  I was wrong.

• 7:57Speaker 03

  And then, wait, let me tell you the other two ladies. Busy Phillips.

• 8:01Will Arnett?

  Sure.

• 8:01Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, she's great.

• 8:02Speaker 03

  And American treasure Paula Pell.

• 8:05Sean Hayes?

  Oh, she's the best.

• 8:06Will Arnett?

  Oh, my God, Paula Pell, we were just talking about Paula Pell.

• 8:08Sean Hayes?

  So Paula Pell was a writer on Saturday Night Live forever and now, and not now, but always kind of an actress and now, but people are finally recognizing her.

• 8:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, well, she's sort of, you know, we always joke with Paula that she finally aged into her type because she was always the kid at like 12 years old, she was in the play with gray spray in her hair.

• 8:25Sean Hayes?

  That's hilarious.

• 8:27Speaker 03

  And now she's like, she's her actual type now.

• 8:30Sean Hayes?

  Gray spray, acting.

• 8:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, Paula must, she's reeked of gray spray for 30 years of her life.

• 8:36Will Arnett?

  Sure, sure, so, so Tina, we, we have to do this because, and, but for you, it's, it's, you know, obviously you hate going back over like, oh, this is what I did, but it's interesting to everybody who listens and it's super interesting to us because, not to embarrass you, but you're such a fucking huge piece of the comedy landscape and have been for so long and you're such a great voice, incredible writer, incredible performer.

• 9:01Speaker 03

  Thanks, Bill.

• 9:02Will Arnett?

  You started, yeah, I've just always, you know.

• 9:04Sean Hayes?

  There's a but, hang on Tina.

• 9:05Will Arnett?

  No, there's no but.

• 9:06Sean Hayes?

  Usually is.

• 9:07Will Arnett?

  I've always been very fond of you and, and I'm such a huge fan and awe of, of your talent. You started in, you moved to Chicago in early 90s?

• 9:16Speaker 03

  I, let me think, yeah, 90, I graduated in 92, spring of 92, I graduated from the University of Virginia, so I think I moved in the fall of 1992, yes.

• 9:26Will Arnett?

  Yeah, so you're from Pennsylvania and then you moved, I know, so you moved to Chicago, you start Second City, right?

• 9:31Speaker 03

  Yeah, so I went to UVA kind of randomly and then I went to Chicago and I started improv Olympic first and class at the Second City and that's where I met Amy Poehler.

• 9:40Will Arnett?

  Sure.

• 9:41Speaker 03

  And a bunch of other people that only Amy Poehler and I know. Um, but like, but like Kevin Dorr from Brian Stack and Miriam Toen, all those guys, Dratch, Rachel Dratch.

• 9:51Will Arnett?

  Yeah, Dratch.

• 9:52Speaker 03

  Um.

• 9:53Will Arnett?

  Those were your contemporaries. I remember like those were, that was kind of your crew, all those people.

• 9:57Sean Hayes?

  So is it crazy that like three of those people end up on Saturday Night Live? I mean, that's, that's like, the odds of that is crazy.

• 10:05Speaker 03

  I mean, it is and it isn't. I guess because, well, then, at the time, there was like the Groundlings, stand-ups, the Groundlings and Second City were the places they looked. Now, you know, the internet has become the great equalizer and find people on YouTube, you find people on TikTok presumably.

• 10:22Sean Hayes?

  I'm so surprised I didn't run into you.

• 10:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, you were a musical director. Well, you didn't run into me because, I don't sing, because you were a musical director out in the burbs, right?

• 10:30Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, in the burbs, but I was always downtown Chicago, always around the, I had some friends at Second City. I'm just surprised we never. And the bus station. The bus station.

• 10:38Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 10:38Will Arnett?

  Wait, so Tina, so you, that, those are kind of your peeps. I know that like Dratch and Amy and Stack and Miriam and all those kinds of guys were your.

• 10:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, and Horatio.

• 10:47Jason Bateman?

  We got another one on SNL.

• 10:49Will Arnett?

  Like, all those kinds of people were there too, right? Like, in Chicago.

• 10:52Speaker 03

  Glazer, I was Glazer's understudy. I was John Glazer's understudy. Yeah, and then he left to do Dana Carvey, right?

• 11:00Will Arnett?

  Yes.

• 11:00Speaker 03

  To work at Dana Carvey. And I got to go on to the main stage when he left, yeah.

• 11:04Will Arnett?

  So then you moved from Chicago to SNL. Like, McKay and those guys were kind of seniors when you guys were freshmen? Is that kind of the idea?

• 11:11Sean Hayes?

  Adam McKay.

• 11:12Speaker 03

  Exactly. Adam McKay was already head writer at SNL and he, I submitted my writer's packet to him because I had been on stage at Second City and Lorne Michaels and Marcy Klein had come to scout talent and zero interest in me as a performer. So I was like, well, writer's packet it is. And then.

• 11:31Sean Hayes?

  And just for people who don't know, Adam McKay was Will Ferrell's business partner and writer of SNL and writer of all these amazing movies. And then he directs crazy huge movies now and, yeah.

• 11:41Will Arnett?

  Now he directs a lot of dramatic movies.

• 11:43Speaker 03

  He's an Oscar winner now, guys.

• 11:45Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, yeah. But also for Wisconsin, there is a, you can either be a performer or a writer on Saturday Night Live.

• 11:52Will Arnett?

  And sometimes you make the leap. You get hired as a writer, like Sudeikis. I remember Sudeikis, his first year was a writer?

• 11:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, Sudeikis was a writer. Did not want to be a writer. Conan was a writer.

• 12:03Will Arnett?

  The best part about Sudeikis being a writer and not wanting to be a writer was that he let everybody know. So, in the best way, in the best way.

• 12:11Sean Hayes?

  Tina, Tina, did you, were you one of those people that always dreamed of being on a Saturday Night Live? Because I hear so many alums saying, oh, when I was a kid, all I ever wanted. And then they get their, and then their dream comes true and they're on Saturday Night Live.

• 12:23Speaker 03

  Yeah, it is. I feel like I so wanted to be on Saturday Night Live that to me I would like, it would be hard for me to understand meeting anyone who didn't want to do that.

• 12:31Sean Hayes?

  Right, right, yeah.

• 12:31Speaker 03

  What do you mean you don't want to do that?

• 12:33Jason Bateman?

  And then were you disappointed that they didn't, that they didn't select you for the performing part? Or were you more comfortable writing anyway?

• 12:40Speaker 03

  I was always a bit more of a writer, even the way I contributed to the company in Second City. I definitely was like an idea person. I wasn't someone, I didn't have that, that magic thing that, that Horatio Sanz or Rachel Drash have where like they come out and you're just like, "Oh, this is gonna be good." Like, they're just so sparkly, you know?

• 12:58Jason Bateman?

  But don't you feel like to a certain extent, like you're kind of, I don't know, this is gonna sound mean for performers, but you're kind of overqualified to be a performer? Like, it's really hard to be a writer, I think. Really hard to be a director. Less, less hard to be an actor, cuz everybody does that every day anyway, whether you're an actor or not. I mean, people change their behavior when they're with their grandmother versus their best friend. Like, people know how to adjust the way in which they come across. Like, that's acting. But writing, I feel like that's really difficult stuff.

• 13:32Speaker 03

  Yeah, I mean, I think it is, it's more work, the writing and directing. It is like, people who are really good actors, uh, listen, acting is like 99% having a good face. It doesn't have to be a beautiful face, it's like an interesting face. It could be, you know what I mean? It could be, it could be Lupita Nyong'o, it could be Steve Buscemi. But you gotta have a face that people wanna look at. And that's like 99% of it. And then the other, like, then 0.4% beyond that is talent.

• 14:01Sean Hayes?

  But I think you have that. I think, you know, what you were saying about Horatio and Rachel, you have that thing too, where you come out and people are like, "Oh my god, that's gonna be so good." Because it's you, it's Tina Fey, who's always fucking funny and always delivers. So I think people get just as excited.

• 14:16Speaker 03

  That's very kind. I think now, I think I've like slowly worn people down. I think it's been like, it's mirrored my dating life in every way. I'm just like, "I'll wear you, I'll wear you down."

• 14:27Will Arnett?

  But Tina, you gotta admit, like, in the best way, like, you kinda Trojan-horse them, like, you know, Marcie and Lorne coming and they sort of like, okay, and they don't even see you or whatever. And then you come and you submit your packet. Obviously McKay wants, you know, he knows that how brilliant you are. You come, you start submitting on SNL and then you, your talent just shows through and you, you end up getting it in spite of them and become like the biggest star on the show for many years. That's got to feel kind of gratifying. I don't mean, I don't mean that in a shitty way, but you must, it must feel like, yeah, I always knew I could do this in a real way.

• 15:04Speaker 03

  It was, you know, yeah, the long grift sort of paid off. I mean, there's a couple of factors. There's like the team of gay scientists that fixed my appearance, you know.

• 15:16Jason Bateman?

  That's the title of your next series, by the way.

• 15:19Speaker 03

  And then like, I always say, don't underestimate how gloriously lazy Lorne is about casting. Cause this is like Conan, like, do you think someone was like going all over town being like, where's a pasty seven foot redhead that we can do it, that we can give a talk show to? It's like, no, he was around the office, being funny around the office. And that's the same thing happened here. It was like, we need to new update anchors, like, let me look inside my own eyelids. For like, who's available.

• 15:47Sean Hayes?

  Do you prefer one of the, one over the other, acting and writing? Like, do you miss performing when you're not in a writer's room and vice versa?

• 15:56Speaker 03

  Writing is like, it's, it's only fun to have written something. Like, writing's only fun after it's over.

• 16:02Sean Hayes?

  Right.

• 16:02Speaker 03

  And performing is like fun while it's happening. And then for me, if you're me, you usually look back after and go, oh, yeah, that wasn't.

• 16:10Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, that would include my, I would include myself in that, yeah.

• 16:13Speaker 03

  Do you think that, yeah?

• 16:14Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, no, I would just like, like I'm beating myself up all the time.

• 16:17Speaker 03

  Well, you're crazy.

• 16:19Sean Hayes?

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• 17:03Sean Hayes?

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• 17:33Jason Bateman?

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• 18:17Jason Bateman?

  And since I don't drink anymore, but I still, but I miss beer? This, this is perfect. This scratches the itch and checks the box. Oh, baby, baby. And because I liked it so much, I even invested in Bureau. So I got some skin in the game, huh? All right, use code SMARTLESS for 20% off your first order at bureaubrewing.com. That's B-E-R-O brewing dot com.

• 18:48Sean Hayes?

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• 19:33Sean Hayes?

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• 20:18Sean Hayes?

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• 20:28Jason Bateman?

  So it is common for the weekend anchor to not be a performer, correct?

• 20:35Speaker 03

  Yeah. Well, Chevy was first, right? He was mostly just that.

• 20:42Jason Bateman?

  He was not a performer that that much on the show, was he?

• 20:45Speaker 03

  Not too much. He was a little bit.

• 20:47Jason Bateman?

  Right.

• 20:47Speaker 03

  He did Gerald Ford and some commercials.

• 20:49Jason Bateman?

  Is it common for the head writer to be the the the anchor?

• 20:52Speaker 03

  It is now, because Jost and Che are the head writers, I think.

• 20:57Jason Bateman?

  And Seth as well was, yes?

• 20:58Speaker 03

  Seth was, yes, yeah. You know what I really did learn that time, too, is that I I learned, you know, after Jimmy left, and then Lauren was like, well, do you want to do it by yourself? And I thought like, well, I'm supposed to want to do it by myself, right?

• 21:11Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 21:11Speaker 03

  And I think we even did like that. And then I at the last minute, I was like, I don't want to. I want to do it with Amy. And I realized, that's where I learned that I don't I don't work a single.

• 21:19Will Arnett?

  Right. Yeah, I kind of remember that. I remember that first, that was a very late breaking decision.

• 21:25Speaker 03

  Very late, rudely late.

• 21:26Will Arnett?

  And then it turned out to be, obviously, great, and you guys, that was such a exciting time for the show. You guys were so good, and it was so much fun. And it was fun to have a front row seat to that. It was amazing. And then you guys, at that kind of, right in that same year, you guys were doing Mean Girls at the same time. That first year you started, right? You guys were shooting while you were doing

• 21:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 21:49Will Arnett?

  Update. Remember that? It was crazy.

• 21:50Speaker 03

  Maybe. I think you're probably, I'm gonna assume that you're right about that. So many things, I drag to trash. I don't remember a lot of things.

• 21:58Sean Hayes?

  Drag to trash. That's the name of my biography.

• 22:01Speaker 03

  But that seems right.

• 22:03Sean Hayes?

  Tina, is are you still a fan of SNL? Of course you are. I'm sure you are. Is there anybody that you just are completely drawn to that's on now that you're like, want to work with or?

• 22:12Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, well, that's, I am a fan. And what's really exciting now is my older daughter, Alice, is 15. And so we stay up and watch together. So that's fun to like, be at that age with her where she's into it, you know? And, yeah, I mean.

• 22:25Jason Bateman?

  Does she go back and watch your episodes?

• 22:27Speaker 03

  No.

• 22:28Jason Bateman?

  No.

• 22:28Speaker 03

  No. Do your kids want to watch your stuff?

• 22:31Jason Bateman?

  No, they don't give it up. My kids, my wife, no one thinks I'm doing anything but counting paper clips when I'm at work.

• 22:37Speaker 03

  That's healthy, though. That's healthy, I think.

• 22:39Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 22:40Speaker 03

  And they watch everything. They've like, she watches Parks and Rec, 100%.

• 22:43Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 22:44Speaker 03

  The Office, 100%.

• 22:45Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 22:45Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 22:47Speaker 03

  But, uh, so yeah, I mean, I'm still a fan of Keenan, that's never gonna change. I think Chris Redd is super funny.

• 22:55Sean Hayes?

  Chris Redd, Chris Redd was on Will and Grace, and he was supposed to be a recurring character, and as they were trying to make his deal, he got a call, like, a week later, and like, a week or two later, he's on Saturday Night Live, and he's like, "That's so crazy, he just did like, a couple of episodes of Will and Grace."

• 23:10Speaker 03

  That is crazy.

• 23:11Jason Bateman?

  So Tina, how do you manage being so, um, uh, great-

• 23:15Speaker 03

  Physically fit.

• 23:16Jason Bateman?

  At what it is that you do, and physically, like, how do you decide where to point your, your, your work? I mean, you can be, you can do so many different things, whether it's television, or film, or, or, or theater, musicals, on camera, behind camera, like, I, I, I would imagine it would be somewhat burdensome to try to figure out what to prioritize.

• 23:37Speaker 03

  I mean, I think TV's sort of where I'm most comfortable, because I feel like it's the most interesting place right now. There's more interesting things happening in TV, especially for comedy. I feel like the movies is kind of glacially paced, and, it's not that I don't wanna do movies, but it also just feels like there's so many more chances for people to fuck it up, in movies.

• 24:02Sean Hayes?

  Well, it takes seven years to make a movie.

• 24:04Will Arnett?

  Yeah, it takes seven years, and takes seven years to shoot it. Don't you always find that, like, there's nothing more boring, in a lot of ways, than making a movie, and being on a movie set? It's so slow, and it's not conducive to that immediacy that you have when you're making a show, when you've gotta shoot nine pages in a day, and you gotta get the scene, and it's got, you've gotta move, it's gotta be quick, and that lends itself to being funnier, rather than shooting one side of it, you know, for one day, and then, you know, you shoot like, three-eighths of a page. Like, there's, it's the worst. And in TV, you know, you did 30 Rock, you guys would jam through, though, you'd have those-

• 24:40Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:40Will Arnett?

  Huge, packed days, with just like, a million scenes, and you just gotta get it.

• 24:45Speaker 03

  Also, we all joke about, like, remember when we used to make 22 episodes of things? That's like, ridiculous now, like, everyone makes like, three episodes-

• 24:51Jason Bateman?

  That's nuts.

• 24:52Speaker 03

  And collects their awards.

• 24:53Sean Hayes?

  Don't you think those days are, those days seem like they're over, don't, don't you think?

• 24:57Jason Bateman?

  The 22-episode day?

• 24:58Speaker 03

  I think so.

• 24:59Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, or the 100 episodes of a show?

• 25:00Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 25:01Speaker 03

  I think so.

• 25:02Jason Bateman?

  What about, what about writing, writing books? Was, is that a, a good, uh, time, um, pace for you, or is that somewhat glacial as well?

• 25:10Speaker 03

  I just did that the one time and I remember I was like doing 30 Rock at the same time. I was doing, I think I started it, I remember I was on the set of Date Night with Steve Carell and I just had like a notebook on the set, I was like, yeah, I guess I said I would write this book. And then, as short as that book is, I felt like it near about killed me. Because, again, I don't work a single and I was so used to having a writer's room and I was like, not so much that it was more work, but it was just so vulnerable of like, if this book comes out and people are like, boo, it's a hundred percent my fault. It's a hundred percent a rejection of me personally. It's not a novel, it's just like, here's what my deal is and if people were like, boo.

• 25:53Speaker 03

  I've never felt so nervous about anything.

• 25:56Sean Hayes?

  I walk into like a grocery store and people go boo.

• 25:59Will Arnett?

  Sure.

• 25:59Speaker 03

  Boo.

• 26:00Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 26:00Will Arnett?

  But that's, that's just because they've seen your work. That's why they've seen your work.

• 26:04Sean Hayes?

  That's what I'm saying.

• 26:05Will Arnett?

  Tina, let me ask you.

• 26:06Speaker 03

  Well, yeah, sorry.

• 26:06Will Arnett?

  Go ahead.

• 26:07Speaker 03

  Are you in like a, an old person's bathroom? What is that?

• 26:11Will Arnett?

  By the way, you should know, you should know, so this is my, my home booth and these are actually handles for a bathtub, no joke. Because usually when I record, when I record my, my real VOs, I'm standing up and I like to lean and hold on. So I had the guy get these and they are for, uh, somebody who needs help getting in and out of a tub.

• 26:32Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 26:33Will Arnett?

  Now, um, how much harder or what, what would you have to navigate to become, to do what you do today? If you were starting out and you were 22 today and trying to get into comedy? Fuck, right?

• 26:46Speaker 03

  Well, you get, yeah.

• 26:48Sean Hayes?

  Advice, right? Like.

• 26:50Will Arnett?

  Not even advice, just like, what would you do to yourself? Like what, how would you do it if you were graduating? I'm not necessarily saying, hey, to young writers out there, listen, I'm, like literally, what would you do?

• 27:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's a good question. What would I do? I, I probably would be trying to blow up on TikTok or something, right? I would be cutting out the middleman. Which, listen, it's worked well in porn.

• 27:10Will Arnett?

  Sure.

• 27:11Speaker 03

  Who needs Hugh Hefner anymore, right?

• 27:14Sean Hayes?

  It seems like, I mean, unless I'm wrong, it seems like people on TikTok really want to be in television or film, and that people in television or film aren't making that money anymore, so they want to go blow up on TikTok. It's, it's, uh...

• 27:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 27:27Sean Hayes?

  Don't you feel that way?

• 27:28Speaker 03

  Uh, yeah. I think broadcast TV especially doesn't mean, like, to my kids, that doesn't mean anything to them. Like, they don't, they don't understand what's happening.

• 27:36Jason Bateman?

  Is there still, I'm gonna sound like a real old man here, um, can you still, uh, like, make a bunch of money, um, on, uh, social media, like, saying, "I like this kind of chocolate. I, I, I say this ki-"

• 27:49Speaker 03

  I think so.

• 27:51Jason Bateman?

  Right? That's a whole industry, right?

• 27:53Speaker 03

  I think so. Yeah.

• 27:54Jason Bateman?

  Like, taste, uh, that's not, that's not what tastemakers are called, is it? Is that, was that with the-

• 27:59Speaker 03

  Influencers?

• 27:59Jason Bateman?

  Influencers. Right.

• 28:01Speaker 03

  Um...

• 28:02Jason Bateman?

  And, like, people have agents for that and stuff?

• 28:04Will Arnett?

  Dude-

• 28:05Speaker 03

  I think so.

• 28:05Will Arnett?

  Take yourself out back. And just end it, man. This is fucking... By the way, this is a great opportunity to mention, you said chocolate, Jason, for us to mention Reese's. Jason's been asking me to reach out to the people at Reese's, because he wants free peanut butter cups, because-

• 28:20Jason Bateman?

  Well, I just think that it's-

• 28:21Will Arnett?

  He doesn't make any money over on the Ozarks.

• 28:23Jason Bateman?

  I, I, but I'm so sick and tired of hearing your dumb voice sell candy on TV.

• 28:29Will Arnett?

  Okay.

• 28:29Jason Bateman?

  I'm like, if I gotta listen to it, if I gotta listen to it, then why don't you get me a free box of those,

• 28:34Will Arnett?

  Okay.

• 28:35Jason Bateman?

  the peanut butter cups that are wrapped in peanut butter, with the peanut butter inside. It's double, triple peanut butter, and I'm not sorry, whatever it is. I need some of that for free, for having to listen to your crap.

• 28:47Will Arnett?

  Great. Okay, I got it. I wrote it down, and, and they're obviously listening right now, so thank you, everybody at Reese's, and to Jason Bateman-

• 28:53Jason Bateman?

  Should I give my, my address over the air here?

• 28:55Will Arnett?

  Yeah, the address is, uh-

• 28:56Speaker 03

  Yeah, give your address.

• 28:57Will Arnett?

  Number one Deadline Hollywood Way.

• 29:00Sean Hayes?

  Tina, did you ever imagine it would be this amazing, being on this podcast?

• 29:05Speaker 03

  I mean, I, I thought about it. Um-

• 29:08Sean Hayes?

  Thought about saying no, and then-

• 29:09Speaker 03

  Thought-

• 29:12Speaker 03

  My tip on Reese's though, you know, this is my tip on all candy.

• 29:15Will Arnett?

  Sure.

• 29:17Speaker 03

  Whenever there's holiday candy, where it's like the Reese's shaped like Santa Claus, always buy that candy because it's fresher.

• 29:24Sean Hayes?

  Fresher, nice.

• 29:25Speaker 03

  Because they just made it. You could get a regular candy bar.

• 29:28Jason Bateman?

  That's a good point.

• 29:28Speaker 03

  Could have been in the CVS for seven months.

• 29:31Jason Bateman?

  Really good point.

• 29:32Sean Hayes?

  We, we often ask this question of, of people who are in the public eye, who have children. Would you, do your kids want to do what mom and or dad does? Or do you, would you discourage them from getting it? Or you just say, follow your dreams and I'll support you?

• 29:45Speaker 03

  It's funny you should ask that. Our older daughter, you know, I think if anything, maybe would be interested in directing. I think she would be horrified to perform. And I never like, when she was a little kid, I think all little kids think they want to. And I think I let her be. I think she was in some still photographs, Alice. She played young Liz Lemon, but in a series of photographs at the end of, the end, end, end of 30 Rock. And, um, and that was like, that's enough. Like, let's keep it measured. And then this other one that you, that's you, no, no, what I'm dealing with. During the pandemic, it came up, we were, for Girls 5 Ever, we had to cast a kid to play Busy Philipps and Andrew Rannell's child, who was like a little YouTube villain. And I had always said about that one, I was like, you know what?

• 30:29Speaker 03

  That's a Nellie, I got a Nellie Olsen right here.

• 30:33Will Arnett?

  Jason knows Nellie.

• 30:34Speaker 03

  I know. Small world. She became a stand-up. I, believe me.

• 30:39Jason Bateman?

  Really?

• 30:40Speaker 03

  I loved her. Um, yeah, I remember, like, she became a stand-up for a while, right?

• 30:46Jason Bateman?

  Al, I want to say Alison Angram? Is that?

• 30:49Speaker 03

  Dude, if you don't know.

• 30:51Will Arnett?

  Oh my god.

• 30:51Sean Hayes?

  Alison Arngrim. Did I say that? I said it right, right?

• 30:54Speaker 03

  Alison Arngrim, yeah.

• 30:55Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 30:56Speaker 03

  There you go. Um, anyway, we, we, so I let her audition for this part, um, because it was sort of like.

• 31:02Jason Bateman?

  Wait, you made your daughter read?

• 31:04Speaker 03

  Of course I made her read. Yeah, because I thought that was gonna be the end of it. And then her audition was pretty good. And um.

• 31:11Jason Bateman?

  I thought I was the bad parent on this.

• 31:12Speaker 03

  Oh, it's gonna get worse. And then, so then, we auditioned and then, you know, she did pretty well. And then there was another kid who was like an actual experienced kid. And we're like, well, this, and I'm, I was like, this will be good for her. She, you know, we could hire the kid with more experience. And then, and so I had to tell her like, well, you did really well. And I was making it up. I was like, you're in, you were in the top three. And, but, you know, we had, and then she was like, basically was like, I didn't book it? And I was like, you didn't book it? Well, I was like, you're half TFA and that bitch never booked anything. And so I was like, you didn't book it. But then, because it was the pandemic, this other poor kid, uh, they were like, well, she can work as a local hire, but she's in Michigan right now and the quarantine, it fell apart. And so then I was like.

• 31:56Jason Bateman?

  Back up.

• 31:56Speaker 03

  All right, homegirl, you're up. So she's in it. And now we're faced, now, and it was, at the time, it was like, you get to leave the house and get a test and work during quarantine. And I will say, she was incredibly professional. I said, she was like, a little bit like mommy. She was like, very prepared and a little dead eyed. You ball acted with me. That's what it is. But she was good. And.

• 32:20Sean Hayes?

  A little dead eyed.

• 32:23Speaker 03

  My god, if she hears a clip of that, she'll murder me.

• 32:25Sean Hayes?

  So listen, Tina, I, I'm kind of obsessed with horrible theater stories and theater stories gone wrong. I have so many.

• 32:31Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:31Sean Hayes?

  Do you, do you have like a favorite of, of like a play you were in or a Second City or something?

• 32:35Speaker 03

  Oh, a favorite theater horror story? I do have a pretty good theater horror story. This is from high school theater.

• 32:40Sean Hayes?

  Um, yes.

• 32:41Speaker 03

  So, okay, in my high school, I played Van Helsing in Dracula. Because feminism.

• 32:47Sean Hayes?

  Did you borrow Paula's gray spray?

• 32:49Speaker 03

  I probably did.

• 32:50Jason Bateman?

  Nice callback.

• 32:51Speaker 03

  Nice callback. Um, and so, okay, so let me think about this. So I was Van Helsing in Dracula. And um, uh, we did like a total of two performances and everything went wrong. And I can't remember this story. Like, the first thing that kind of went wrong would be like, our theater was, uh, was a thrust stage and the, the seats went up, uh, that arena went, so like.

• 33:12Sean Hayes?

  Like tiered?

• 33:13Speaker 03

  Tiered, yeah, like, so the, the stage was on the ground and the audience was. Up and we had like a rubber bat on like a very long string like seen one the bat supposed to fly by the bat gets stuck it's just just dangling in on the stage the rest of the night we're like oh that's okay then I give some big speech there's this guy Harker says to me like professor what is a vampire and I give a speech like I give like a page and a half speech of what is a vampire and this kid was just like not listening so I he goes what is a vampire and I give the whole speech and at the end of it he looks at me he goes but professor what is a vampire gave me this same cue again then the kid

• 33:53Speaker 03

  who played Dracula was this kid John Doyle who was like very like Bon Jovi based like his personality was Bon Jovi this

• 34:01Jason Bateman?

  Beautiful hair

• 34:02Speaker 03

  He had like rocker hair beautiful hair his mom was a hairdresser and his mom was also a professional Anglian impersonator side story anyway

• 34:09Jason Bateman?

  And Jill We'll double back to that

• 34:11Speaker 03

  We'll double back and so John you know because he was like he was like oh he takes rock singing lessons in New York like he was cool guy he was not an athlete and so there's a scene where there's a mirror and Dracula like sees the mirror and he's supposed to throw this like chalice or something and smash the mirror and so John being like not an athlete and in this open arena like I go a mirror and then he like throws the thing misses the mirror entirely so then I'm like trying to improvise like what am I supposed to say and then a full like 20 seconds later a little techie kid comes out like in full view of the audience with a hammer from behind and smashes the mirror oh at one point also then the set caught on fire a little bit

• 34:54Jason Bateman?

  Jesus

• 34:55Speaker 03

  There was like a little flash pot and the fake rocks of the castle were foam and started to catch on fire and then my dad who was had been a fireman and does not did not fuck around he stood up and he was like fire and we were like okay like he stood up in the audience and this is like all act one and then Put the fire out, we continued. It's a longer story than you want it. And then, again, the techies, like, there's a part where, like, there's a techie just, like, in a bay window, just like in full view of the audience with a fog machine, just being, like, knowing he's just like a total hero. And then the end of the, the whole thing ended with, like, Van Helsing kills Dracula with a spike through the heart, and it was, and I'm down, and I'm, like, acting so hard, and I'm doing this whole speech, and then I just hear laughter.

• 35:39Speaker 03

  And I was like, this, this can't be good. This is the end of the whole play. Because, again, the stage-flat audience here, I was like lightning flashing, I'm killing the vampire, and I look up, and just a toddler has wandered onto the stage.

• 35:52Sean Hayes?

  No.

• 35:52Speaker 03

  Toward me, and that's how not scary it was. A toddler joined us. That's, that's my story.

• 36:01Sean Hayes?

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• 36:41Sean Hayes?

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• 37:04Sean Hayes?

  Let's take a beat to tell you about Bureau.

• 37:09Jason Bateman?

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• 37:54Jason Bateman?

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• 38:19Sean Hayes?

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• 39:07Will Arnett?

  By the way, you mentioned your dad. I always think about this. I met your parents a couple of times, but I remember your dad, I remember going to your wedding, and we had only met a couple of times. We go to your wedding, your dad described me as...

• 39:18Speaker 03

  He's like, "That guy's, Brooks Brothers handsome, right?"

• 39:21Will Arnett?

  He said, no, he said "arrow shirt." Do you remember that?

• 39:24Speaker 03

  Yeah, my dad was very taken with Will. He's like, "Oh, God, that guy, that guy looks like an arrow shirt model."

• 39:29Will Arnett?

  But it was very specific. Do you remember arrow shirts?

• 39:32Jason Bateman?

  No, I don't remember that.

• 39:33Will Arnett?

  Like in the Sears catalog, like, "That guy's an arrow shirt." And I was like...

• 39:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:37Jason Bateman?

  They just made them for, for, for thick dudes? Is that what they, was it special for?

• 39:41Will Arnett?

  Excuse me?

• 39:42Jason Bateman?

  Nothing?

• 39:45Speaker 03

  Oh, no, Will was thin then. He was really thin then.

• 39:47Will Arnett?

  I was thin then.

• 39:48Jason Bateman?

  I don't believe it.

• 39:48Will Arnett?

  I was really...

• 39:51Sean Hayes?

  Tina, because, because of your theater background, would you ever want to do multicam? Now, for the audience, the difference between multicam and single cam is, single cam, there's no audience. Multicam, there's a live studio audience. That's when you hear laughing, like Cheers, and Will and Grace, and Friends, and Seinfeld, and all those. Would you ever want to do a multicam? It seems like you'd be perfect for that.

• 40:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, I do think it would be so fun. I feel like in some ways, it's hard to... Will and Grace was one of the last ones, especially on NBC, they don't really do them so much anymore. And I also have reached an age where I can't really be photographed from the waist down.

• 40:22Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, not true. Not true.

• 40:24Speaker 03

  So, like, but I do think it'd be fun.

• 40:26Will Arnett?

  But wouldn't it be great to hear all that laughter through the masks?

• 40:30Sean Hayes?

  No, but, or, or if you don't want to be in one, just like, create one and write one, I think you'd be so amazing.

• 40:35Will Arnett?

  Are you saying that you want Tina to create a multicam for you?

• 40:37Sean Hayes?

  No.

• 40:38Jason Bateman?

  What about, what about hosting a talk show? Would you ever do that, Tina? It seems to me like you'd be fantastic at that.

• 40:44Speaker 03

  Oh, thank you. I thought, I don't know that, I think I'm very shy. I think, to me, it sounds super stressful. I've never wanted to pursue that.

• 40:52Jason Bateman?

  I'm really shy, too.

• 40:54Will Arnett?

  Yeah, we can tell.

• 40:55Jason Bateman?

  I am. I don't like being the center of attention.

• 40:57Speaker 03

  Well, and also, those kind of late night talk shows, like, that's a, that's a grind. That's like...

• 41:01Will Arnett?

  But you, I remember when you were doing 30 Rock, I mean, you came off SNL, which was a grind, because you were a head writer, and you were doing Update, and it was a lot, a lot, a lot. And especially leading right up till, you know, 2008 and everything that was going on. But, oh, sorry, you were already doing 30 Rock at that point, but you were doing so much. Then you go to 30 Rock, and it just kind of amps it up even more, because you're showrunning 30 Rock, and you're writing it all, and then you're starring in it as well, and having 16-hour days. So, you're not pulling all-nighters every night, but you are going 18 hours or 17 hours a day, like...

• 41:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:36Will Arnett?

  That was fucking really rough, right? For many years in there?

• 41:39Speaker 03

  It was insane. First of all, also, if you hear weird breathing sounds, it's the dog. It's not me.

• 41:44Jason Bateman?

  Listen, she now has her dog, her, her white, what is it? A, a cockapoo?

• 41:48Speaker 03

  He's a poodle. He's just a straight poo.

• 41:50Will Arnett?

  He's a poodle.

• 41:51Jason Bateman?

  Straight poo.

• 41:51Speaker 03

  Um, yeah, looking back.

• 41:54Will Arnett?

  I didn't mean to say that you looked tired i- i- in those years. I just meant to say more that I know that you were very exhausted. You talked about it like you were like getting crushed.

• 42:03Speaker 03

  It was insane. What we did, I don't know. We were just, I was what, thirty five? And had some juice left and doing twenty two episodes. And also my baby Alice was one when we started. And it was crazy. It was cra- like, I look, I look back and shudder at just what we, yeah.

• 42:22Jason Bateman?

  Did you enjoy the, the shutdown in the pandemic to kind of recharge a little bit? Or, or did you stay super duper busy?

• 42:28Speaker 03

  Um, I wouldn't say enjoyed it. I mean, like, yeah, well, it's always one of those things where if you're like, oh, I'm lucky enough that nobody in my family died. So like, it's okay then just quietly say like, it was nice that we were together.

• 42:39Jason Bateman?

  No, I guess what I meant is enjoyed the, the period that you could not work.

• 42:43Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:43Jason Bateman?

  You know?

• 42:44Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:44Will Arnett?

  Yeah. Nice, right?

• 42:45Speaker 03

  Yeah. It's kind of nice. I think, like, I would, I'm, I'm ready to retire, guys. I'm ready to.

• 42:50Will Arnett?

  I've been, me too. By the way, I was saying the same thing and I was saying, I was talking about it with, with, certainly with Amy too, where she's been feeling the same way, which is just that feeling of like, oh, my God. You know, much like you, kind of did the same thing, had, you know, had Archie and went right into Parks and Rec.

• 43:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:08Will Arnett?

  And those first few, when you have, both you girls had, have those like little babies and you're working those insane hours on those shows.

• 43:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:15Will Arnett?

  It's crushing. It's, it's like, it's soul crushing because you're not at home as much as you want to be. And you've got little kids and you're trying to fuck balance it all. It just.

• 43:25Speaker 03

  Right. And it's all, you know, nothing compared to someone who's doing all those same work hours on a job that they hate, that doesn't pay well.

• 43:31Will Arnett?

  No, no, no. Of course, it's the same as being a working parent on any job.

• 43:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:36Will Arnett?

  But like, just in the sense that like, of any working parent, especially working mom, who's working any job that's taking them long stretches, whatever it is.

• 43:45Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:45Will Arnett?

  Um, and of course, there are a lot of people could say, well, you get paid really well. Like, okay, sure. But like, you're still working all those hours, you know? And, and it's, and it's tough, you know?

• 43:54Speaker 03

  And it's hard to, once you get to stop, it's hard to go back like. Worked on a couple of things. I did a little small part in this show that Steve Martin and Marty Short have and was that thing of like, and your pickup is 5'10" and you're like, oh yeah, that used to be every day.

• 44:09Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 44:10Speaker 03

  Especially for ladies, because the pair of makeup.

• 44:12Jason Bateman?

  People have really gotten used to working at home too, right? In any occupation. I wonder how that's gonna all transition back. I think.

• 44:19Speaker 03

  I know. I do like to go to an office.

• 44:22Sean Hayes?

  I like it too.

• 44:22Jason Bateman?

  But five days a week? Or would it be great, like, just two days a week, three days a week? I feel like that's gonna be the transition.

• 44:29Will Arnett?

  Sean, you like going to the office too?

• 44:31Sean Hayes?

  I do. I prefer like, the old man, nine to five, kind of, one place, one stop shop.

• 44:37Will Arnett?

  Jason likes that too.

• 44:38Jason Bateman?

  I like a routine.

• 44:39Will Arnett?

  Jason likes that too. And we had this little company a couple of years ago, we had this shared office, and he'd always be like, "You fucking dick, we've got this office, and you're never in here." And I go, "Well, yeah, my dad worked his ass off for forty, fifty years. I don't want to have to do that. Why do you think I do what we do, so that I can not go to an office?" So you know what I did? I found a portrait of myself, and I put it behind my desk, so he could look at me, even when I wasn't there. That's a true story.

• 45:03Jason Bateman?

  That really was counting paperclips, at that place.

• 45:06Will Arnett?

  Yeah, it really was.

• 45:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 45:08Will Arnett?

  So Tina, like, you joke about retiring, but of course, you're never gonna want to stop writing, and you're never gonna want to stop doing that kind of... Wow, oh, really? No, come on.

• 45:17Sean Hayes?

  So wait, Tina, what would you do, though? Is there anything, like, picture, the girls are grown and out, and you and Jeff, and you're at home, and what you still would be writing, or is there something that you'd want to be doing, or?

• 45:31Speaker 03

  I wonder, I so wonder. It's like that thing of you, you know, the improv training, right? You go back to it, and it's like, when do you enter a scene? This is the trick, the thing that trips people up. Does anyone remember, like, when are you supposed to enter a scene? And the answer is, when you're needed. It's the only time you're supposed to enter. You're not supposed to enter because you have a funny idea, you're not supposed to enter because it's going well and you want a piece of it.

• 45:52Jason Bateman?

  What about the notion of, like, you and Jeff just doing, just globe trotting, and having some wanderlust, and once you guys become empty nesters, just start traveling the world and knocking down?

• 46:02Speaker 03

  Travel, yeah.

• 46:04Jason Bateman?

  And getting all cultured. Is that something that's appealing to you, or are you as soft as I am, and you need CNN and thread count?

• 46:10Speaker 03

  Oh yeah, I want to see a couple places, but I don't need to see everywhere. I know, increasingly just a homebody. I know, you know what I wish one of us should write is like, someone should try to be Neil Simon, right? Like, someone should write a play.

• 46:26Jason Bateman?

  I nominate you.

• 46:27Speaker 03

  As if that's easy to do. But like, to write a comedy, a hard comedy, because I'll tell you what, I go to these Broadway plays, and what passes for a joke, Sean?

• 46:36Sean Hayes?

  Right?

• 46:37Speaker 03

  Is like, mentioning Brooklyn is a joke.

• 46:39Sean Hayes?

  Just the words. And, and you have to do it out, you have to play it out. Brooklyn.

• 46:44Jason Bateman?

  What about the films that Neil Simon, they adapted and, and became great, you know, like California Suite?

• 46:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, California Suite. Goodbye Girl is one I like.

• 46:53Jason Bateman?

  And the Blake Edwards stuff, I mean.

• 46:55Will Arnett?

  Yeah, what about them?

• 46:56Jason Bateman?

  Those, those big commercial films, I mean, someone's got to write them, Tina, they don't write themselves.

• 47:01Will Arnett?

  Nobody goes to that shit.

• 47:02Speaker 03

  I don't think they make comedy films anymore. They make like.

• 47:05Jason Bateman?

  Well, put them on Netflix, let's, let's, let's do that.

• 47:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:08Will Arnett?

  I don't know, man, you, I, I saw some poll on, online today, it was like, if you could only live with three of these film franchises, which one would it be? And it was like, Marvel, Star Wars, like, Harry, you know, Harry Potter, like, all the, and I was like, wait, that's what it's become? That's it?

• 47:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:24Will Arnett?

  Those are the film, fuck that, man.

• 47:26Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 47:27Will Arnett?

  And none, and nobody's funny, it's, this is crazy, I can't wait for the letters and the comments. Oh, nobody's funny anymore? Where, yeah, okay, yeah, you're hilarious, I love it, bring it on.

• 47:36Jason Bateman?

  No, you're not saying that, you're saying that comedies are not in the theaters anymore, really.

• 47:40Will Arnett?

  Yes, that's what I'm saying, nobody's making comedy films.

• 47:43Speaker 03

  No one's gonna make, you know, The In-Laws now, the original In-Laws.

• 47:46Jason Bateman?

  Right.

• 47:47Speaker 03

  No, nobody's making, you can't make Rushmore today, nobody's making Rushmore. You'd make it for Netflix, I guess.

• 47:53Jason Bateman?

  But I'm fine watching it at, at home on my couch, I don't, I don't need to drive to a theater to see that, right? I mean, I'd go to a theater to see some big, huge format, right, a big IMAX thing or something.

• 48:03Speaker 03

  You come ask them.

• 48:03Jason Bateman?

  Is that Penelope?

• 48:04Speaker 03

  Come ask them, what do you, what's your question? Longer.

• 48:07Will Arnett?

  Okay, we're almost done. Sorry, we're almost done.

• 48:09Sean Hayes?

  Wrap it up now. We're gonna wrap it up.

• 48:10Jason Bateman?

  Your, your agent looks real young. Um, yeah, actually, we are, we are past our hour here.

• 48:16Will Arnett?

  I know, we've been taking up way too much of your time. I'm sorry that we're keeping you for the, because I want to keep you on, I want, I just want your opinion on everything. I feel like anytime I get your opinion, it feels like it's really the right one.

• 48:26Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 48:26Will Arnett?

  So that's why we've been keeping you around, but.

• 48:28Speaker 03

  Opinions are all I have anymore. Go.

• 48:30Will Arnett?

  No, it's so good.

• 48:32Jason Bateman?

  We're gonna dismiss you, but we're gonna reserve the right to call you back with any questions we have.

• 48:36Will Arnett?

  That's right.

• 48:36Speaker 03

  Anytime, guys.

• 48:37Will Arnett?

  Oh, you're the best. Thank you so much for taking your time to do this.

• 48:40Sean Hayes?

  I love you, Tina Fey.

• 48:42Will Arnett?

  You're the best.

• 48:42Speaker 03

  I love all three of you.

• 48:43Jason Bateman?

  Love you, Tina. Go have fun with the rest of your day with that sweet girl.

• 48:47Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 48:50Will Arnett?

  Okay, we're gonna let you go.

• 48:51Speaker 03

  All right, guys.

• 48:52Jason Bateman?

  Love you, Tina. Thank you.

• 48:53Will Arnett?

  Thanks, Tina. Bye, bye, bye.

• 48:56Jason Bateman?

  Boy, just another.

• 48:58Will Arnett?

  She wanted, she wanted, she wanted to get off there at the end.

• 49:00Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, do you think she gave a cue to Penelope to come in and say, okay, now this is the time where I need you to?

• 49:04Will Arnett?

  No, I bet she was, she'd had a.

• 49:05Jason Bateman?

  No, she, she's.

• 49:06Sean Hayes?

  Everybody knows who she is. Everybody knows how brilliant she is. Everybody knows, everybody's a fan. It seems like that's the one person everybody can agree on, right? That's, oh my God, she's.

• 49:14Jason Bateman?

  I would like to find the person that, that doesn't like Tina Fey. Like, who, who, who, yeah, who's, who's that person?

• 49:20Will Arnett?

  How could you possibly not?

• 49:22Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 49:22Will Arnett?

  I know, she's the most, she's just so frickin' funny. She's such an unbelievable writer and a great joke writer. I mean, just the funniest.

• 49:31Jason Bateman?

  Doesn't take herself or anything too seriously.

• 49:34Will Arnett?

  Always has the funniest joke on everything. It's, it's scary. It's intimidating.

• 49:38Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, she's, she's.

• 49:39Will Arnett?

  It must be for some, you know, for you guys.

• 49:41Jason Bateman?

  A great, a great leader. Seems like a great leader.

• 49:44Will Arnett?

  Incredible leader.

• 49:45Sean Hayes?

  I'm very drawn to her.

• 49:46Will Arnett?

  It was great. Sean, you were on, you were on, uh, 30 Rock a few times or once?

• 49:50Sean Hayes?

  Just once, the finale of that first season.

• 49:52Will Arnett?

  Just once.

• 49:53Jason Bateman?

  Well, you were on it a bunch of times, weren't you?

• 49:55Will Arnett?

  I guess. Well, that's what the four Emmy nominations tell me, but, you know.

• 49:58Jason Bateman?

  Wait, what? Come on.

• 49:59Will Arnett?

  It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

• 50:01Jason Bateman?

  Wait a second.

• 50:02Sean Hayes?

  Is that true? Is that true?

• 50:02Jason Bateman?

  Honestly, were you on for four seasons?

• 50:04Sean Hayes?

  But did you get nominated?

• 50:05Will Arnett?

  Four times, yeah, yeah.

• 50:06Sean Hayes?

  Congratulations.

• 50:07Will Arnett?

  Yeah, for.

• 50:08Sean Hayes?

  Congratulations.

• 50:09Jason Bateman?

  Wait, so guests, so, so you do, you did four episodes? You got nominated for all four?

• 50:12Will Arnett?

  No, I did more than four episodes. I did a bunch. I did, like, the first season I did one or two. It was, it was not their first season. It was like.

• 50:21Sean Hayes?

  So do you want me to do an impression of your mom really quick?

• 50:23Will Arnett?

  Yeah, go ahead. Yeah.

• 50:24Sean Hayes?

  Well, it would have been more impressive if you won.

• 50:26Will Arnett?

  That's true. That's very true. Should be much more impressed if I'd won. Yeah.

• 50:32Jason Bateman?

  Um, I got, I, uh.

• 50:34Will Arnett?

  She's listening.

• 50:35Jason Bateman?

  We can cut that if you.

• 50:35Will Arnett?

  No, we can keep it. My, you know, the first time, Jason, you know this story. The, we were coming back, Arrested Development had won the comedy, uh, the Emmy for Best Comedy. And, uh, 2004, whatever that was. And the next day, uh, it was, that was a Sunday night. The next Monday, we had to be at work early. You and I were in that scene. Do you remember we had the Emmy? Those guys, Chuck Martin brought his on set. We were so excited that we won improbably because we were such a low rated show. And I'm driving to the Fox lot from Venice and my mom calls and I, it was like 6 a.m. LA time and I've been up until three because we were so excited. It's like, oh my God, mom, did you watch, did you see the, the Emmys last night? No, we won it. She goes, I did. Now, your sister, um, is going through and then just complete.

• 51:19Jason Bateman?

  Oh.

• 51:22Will Arnett?

  I was like, okay. It was a very sort of Canadian, like the whole idea is always like, don't get too big for yourself.

• 51:28Jason Bateman?

  Right.

• 51:29Will Arnett?

  You know, and don't like, oh, you think that you're better than anybody else? Like, I, I guess I don't. I'm sorry, I don't. I think I'm worse. And like, there we go. That's more like it. You know, the idea, have you ever heard the story about the two lobster fishermen? One Canadian, one American are walking down the road and the American lobster fisherman says to the Canadian, he says, uh, notice that, uh, you don't have a lid on the, on your lobster pot there, boy. Aren't you worried that your lobster is going to get out? And the Canadian says, no, these here are Canadian lobsters. If one of them tries to get out, the other ones will pull them back down.

• 51:58Will Arnett?

  That's Canada.

• 51:59Jason Bateman?

  Oh, Lord.

• 52:00Will Arnett?

  That's Canada. That's what I grew up in.

• 52:03Jason Bateman?

  Oh, bless.

• 52:05Will Arnett?

  And I love Canada. I love it to death. And, uh, I grew up like that too. It's a very, there's a very sort of, anyway, I don't know.

• 52:12Jason Bateman?

  Speaking of, speaking of Canada, uh, have you given any thoughts? I imagine you're going to book the guest, uh, for our, for our Toronto stop, for our, for our tour, our, our tour. Which listener, uh, it, it does look like it's firming up. It does look like we're gonna, we're gonna actually do this and we're gonna go to, uh, a few cities.

• 52:30Will Arnett?

  Just inside the new year.

• 52:32Jason Bateman?

  Just inside the new year.

• 52:33Will Arnett?

  2022. And we're starting the tour in Toronto.

• 52:36Jason Bateman?

  Is that right, eh?

• 52:37Will Arnett?

  We can say that, yeah.

• 52:38Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 52:39Jason Bateman?

  And then some New York and some Boston, some Chicago, some Madison, some LA? Is that right?

• 52:44Sean Hayes?

  I think that's right, yeah.

• 52:46Jason Bateman?

  So who would we, like, can we, will you try to?

• 52:49Will Arnett?

  I have a couple people in mind that I want to have for Toronto. You know, I know that, uh, Chicago-

• 52:54Jason Bateman?

  We should start taking suggestions for guests.

• 52:57Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 52:57Will Arnett?

  We should. Saying the expression, "Tap Lincoln bio," does that mean anything?

• 53:02Jason Bateman?

  Tap Lincoln bio?

• 53:03Sean Hayes?

  What does that mean?

• 53:04Jason Bateman?

  Who's Lincoln bio?

• 53:05Will Arnett?

  That's what, that's what you say on, like, Instagram, you know?

• 53:07Jason Bateman?

  Oh.

• 53:08Will Arnett?

  Tap link in your bio.

• 53:09Sean Hayes?

  Oh, tap link in bio. You know what else they say sometimes on Instagram, but more on this?

• 53:13Jason Bateman?

  Don't you do it, not yet.

• 53:14Will Arnett?

  Not yet.

• 53:14Jason Bateman?

  We're still talking.

• 53:15Will Arnett?

  We're still talking, Jesus fucking Christ. Are you in a rush?

• 53:18Jason Bateman?

  He gets so excited when he figures out a bio.

• 53:19Sean Hayes?

  That would've been perfect!

• 53:20Will Arnett?

  I know it would've been perfect, but we need, we have a few more things that we need to do about the tour to talk-

• 53:24Jason Bateman?

  Okay.

• 53:25Will Arnett?

  Because the tour is becoming a reality.

• 53:27Jason Bateman?

  Yes.

• 53:27Will Arnett?

  Sean, do you have a person in mind for Chicago?

• 53:29Sean Hayes?

  I do, I have several, but I don't want to say them out loud.

• 53:31Will Arnett?

  Yeah, don't say them out loud yet.

• 53:33Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, how are we gonna decide who's booking what cities?

• 53:35Sean Hayes?

  Well, why don't we, well-

• 53:36Will Arnett?

  Well, here, we have to do dibs, and I'm, I want to do dibs, you ready?

• 53:39Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 53:40Will Arnett?

  Toronto and Wisconsin, Madison.

• 53:42Sean Hayes?

  Oh, you want Madison.

• 53:43Jason Bateman?

  You're gonna take-

• 53:43Will Arnett?

  I want Madison.

• 53:44Sean Hayes?

  Even though it's my sister.

• 53:45Jason Bateman?

  Wait, but we got, or are we going to Madison strictly to see Sean's niece, nephew?

• 53:50Sean Hayes?

  My sister!

• 53:51Jason Bateman?

  Your sister.

• 53:51Sean Hayes?

  Fucking idiot.

• 53:54Will Arnett?

  And how could Tracy be his nephew, man? I guess it could be.

• 53:58Jason Bateman?

  I've met a couple of Tracy dudes.

• 53:59Will Arnett?

  Yeah, I do too, you have too, yeah, yeah.

• 54:01Jason Bateman?

  But all these guests need to be, uh, sort of germane to the location, yes?

• 54:06Will Arnett?

  That's right, that's right. That's, the whole idea is we're gonna have guests who are germane, hopefully like a, a very sort of organic, not shoehorned in pick.

• 54:15Jason Bateman?

  Mm-hmm.

• 54:16Will Arnett?

  So, think about it. I think that what we gotta do is, though, we, we gotta make sure-

• 54:21Jason Bateman?

  Here it comes.

• 54:21Will Arnett?

  No, why?

• 54:23Jason Bateman?

  You have a bio?

• 54:24Sean Hayes?

  No, I can't, but for the tour, though, if you want to talk about the tour, I can't wait.

• 54:27Will Arnett?

  I'm not saying that there's rules, I'm not saying that there are rules to this, I'm just saying that you have to check the- B-A-I-L-O!

• 54:34Jason Bateman?

  So bad. Okay, goodbye.

• 54:37Sean Hayes?

  Bye.

• 54:53Speaker 04

  Oh, look. You just got added to a meeting. About coordinating another meeting. To prepare for the pre-meeting. Ahead of the follow-up meeting. Which will, of course, require a recap meeting. And then, another meeting. Hit your booking point? Book with Southwest and enter airplane mode.

• 55:19Speaker 05

  Where others see obstacles, you see opportunity. You collect wins, even when no one's watching. This is what hustle looks like. So chase that degree and let your hustle make it happen. Capella University. What can't you do? Visit capella.edu to learn more.