"Parker Posey"

Grow out your summer cut, it’s our steward of the land: Ms. Parker Posey. Storymaking, mime skills, that liminal space, and a little butterfly outside. The laugh is the indicator that we got it… it’s an all-new SmartLess.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Sean Hayes?

  This episode of Smartless is sponsored by Google Book. So this may not surprise you, I have a lot of thoughts in my head. And my dream is to just blurt them out and somehow get them down on paper, because my brain works way faster than my hands. That's where Google Book comes in. It's a whole new kind of laptop. No more typing, you just talk, and the Rambler feature cleans up your ums and uhs and all the times you change your mind. Basically, it turns messy thoughts into tidy text. Visit googlebook.com for details. Available in select countries and languages to 18-plus users. Check the responses for accuracy.

• 0:43Sean Hayes?

  It's finally the time of year. Maybe the weather is getting a little more crisp, or you're just clocking it from all the pumpkins at the grocery store, which means the holidays are just around the corner. Amazon delivers joy with low prices on the gifts you want, even this early in the season. Get ahead of the season, shop early gifts, top picks, holiday decor, and advent calendars at low prices. Get a head start on holiday gifting with Amazon's low prices. Shop now at amazon.com/holiday.

• 1:19Sean Hayes?

  The place you call home is important to you. So it's important to Allstate. Because home is where you make all your memories. Things like inviting your friends over for game night and discovering that one of them takes charades way, way too seriously. It's these memories that make a house feel like home. If it's important to you, it's important to Allstate. Switch to Allstate, and you could save hundreds on home insurance today. Not available in every state. Potential savings vary, subject to terms and qualifications. Allstate North American Insurance Company and Affiliates, Northbrook, Illinois.

• 1:55Sean Hayes?

  Fall means cozy meals, game days, and an excuse to bring home something sweet. Whole Foods Market keeps the focus on flavor with no artificial sweeteners like sucralose, artificial colors like red dye number 40, or high-fructose corn syrup storewide. For game day, grab made-in-house wings, frozen pizzas, and 365 brand chips and dips. Finish with limited-time pumpkin blondies, apple brown butter cookies, or chocolate bourbon pecan pie. Shop fall flavors with higher standards at Whole Foods Market.

• 2:40Sean Hayes?

  Hey, guys, I got some wonderful news to share with you.

• 2:43Jason Bateman?

  Oh, congrats. Who's the dad?

• 2:45Sean Hayes?

  Nobody's the dad or the mom. We're giving birth to a new episode today.

• 2:49Jason Bateman?

  What?

• 2:50Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 2:50Jason Bateman?

  Oh, my god. I didn't even know we were pregnant.

• 2:52Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:53Jason Bateman?

  Oh, my god.

• 2:54Will Arnett?

  Cigars for everybody.

• 2:56Jason Bateman?

  Boy or girl?

• 2:57Sean Hayes?

  It's not... We don't know yet.

• 2:59Will Arnett?

  Oh, gender reveal coming.

• 3:01Jason Bateman?

  Wait, ew, are you about to explode?

• 3:04Sean Hayes?

  Welcome to Smartless.

• 3:22Jason Bateman?

  Oh, good, he's into the hair.

• 3:24Will Arnett?

  I'm wearing a hat today.

• 3:26Jason Bateman?

  Are you gonna get a haircut at any point? Or are you gonna keep letting it get... Because I'm gonna grow mine out again.

• 3:32Will Arnett?

  I think I'm gonna keep going for a little bit for the summer, because I'm not really planning on doing too much this summer.

• 3:38Jason Bateman?

  You're gonna let it be long in the summer? Hang on, Sean, no one's talking yet. Do you want it... Don't you want it short during the summer, though, Will?

• 3:44Will Arnett?

  You mean for heat?

• 3:45Jason Bateman?

  Because it's hot?

• 3:46Will Arnett?

  No, it does seem counterintuitive.

• 3:49Jason Bateman?

  Sean, can you mute your mic?

• 3:50Will Arnett?

  Sean, he did say... Sean, he did said that we weren't talking yet.

• 3:54Sean Hayes?

  I know, no, I know, but let me know. Just give me like a hand signal or like touch your nose or something.

• 3:58Will Arnett?

  I think that he's gonna get to you and you'll know when he's ready. I mean, I don't want to speak for you, Jason.

• 4:02Sean Hayes?

  Okay, so go ahead with the hair. Go ahead with the hair.

• 4:05Will Arnett?

  Yeah, I think... I don't know. I'm just gonna, for the summertime, gonna... Sorry, thank you. Sean, even the... Yes, don't agree.

• 4:13Jason Bateman?

  Even the chuckles, fuck.

• 4:15Sean Hayes?

  Sorry, god.

• 4:16Will Arnett?

  He chuckles, it's a good...

• 4:17Sean Hayes?

  God bless. Wait, but Will, what would it look like if you cut your hair? You would look so different. Would you ever want to just cut the back? I'll cut it for you.

• 4:26Will Arnett?

  No.

• 4:26Jason Bateman?

  How about just cut the top and leave the party in the rear?

• 4:30Will Arnett?

  Oh, no, no, no. I was thinking about like, or just going, I want to go for like Italian soccer manager. Like that guy's Simone Inghazi.

• 4:37Sean Hayes?

  Tiny pony?

• 4:38Will Arnett?

  No, no, just kind of like that sort of Euro kind of long and then, you know what I mean?

• 4:42Sean Hayes?

  No, you look, you look like Javier Bardem in No Country For Old Men.

• 4:46Will Arnett?

  Well, that's not a compliment.

• 4:47Jason Bateman?

  With the hard bangs?

• 4:48Sean Hayes?

  No, I know.

• 4:49Will Arnett?

  That's not a compliment.

• 4:50Sean Hayes?

  If you, if you comb it forward, that's what you would look like. And you'd shoot people with a cow thing, whatever he did with that thing.

• 4:56Will Arnett?

  What was that thing?

• 4:56Jason Bateman?

  Sean, has your hair ever been crazy? Has it always been what you got?

• 5:00Sean Hayes?

  Um, my hair has been, what, really long? You know, when I grow it really long, Scotty says every single morning if it's long, he goes, "Hey, Mav," which is Tom Cruise Maverick in Top Gun.

• 5:12Jason Bateman?

  Well, that's a good thing, isn't it?

• 5:13Sean Hayes?

  No, I know, but he's like, uh...

• 5:15Jason Bateman?

  Does he chase you around the house? Is he saying, "Hey, Tom Cruise, man"?

• 5:18Will Arnett?

  When you go to Skavva, when you go to Skavva, what do you say? Just give me the accountant? Is that what you say?

• 5:24Sean Hayes?

  Wait, did I ever tell you?

• 5:25Will Arnett?

  Give me the CPA?

• 5:27Sean Hayes?

  Did I ever tell you? When I, I think I told you this, when I went on tour with Kenny Rogers and, uh...

• 5:32Jason Bateman?

  I love these stories.

• 5:36Will Arnett?

  He's a country western star.

• 5:39Sean Hayes?

  When I, when he, he would call people up during the 12 Days of Christmas from the audience, whatever, and this one woman walked up there and she had like, like big, uh, almost like Princess Leia, like things on the side of her head. And backstage...

• 5:53Will Arnett?

  Cinnabon's.

• 5:54Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, Cinnabon's. And I was so stoned during that whole tour.

• 5:58Jason Bateman?

  Why wouldn't you be?

• 6:04Sean Hayes?

  It's true. Why would not, why wouldn't you be?

• 6:06Jason Bateman?

  By the way, what was he charging per ticket for the Kenny Rogers 12 Days of Christmas?

• 6:10Will Arnett?

  That's a great question.

• 6:11Sean Hayes?

  I don't, I don't remember. I, I don't remember.

• 6:13Jason Bateman?

  It's probably pretty steep.

• 6:14Sean Hayes?

  It was, what was stadiums? It was like huge. But anyway, I was, I go, I said, I was backstage acting like I was in the barber and I commented on the woman, I go, and I look in the mirror and I go, um, just Planet of the Apes today, if you can?

• 6:30Sean Hayes?

  Remember the Planet of the Apes, women had that here on the side.

• 6:33Will Arnett?

  Yeah, we got it. That's why we laughed.

• 6:36Jason Bateman?

  Thank you.

• 6:37Will Arnett?

  There was the laugh was the indicator that we got it. You don't need to explain, don't sell past the sale.

• 6:43Sean Hayes?

  Sorry, sorry, sorry. Yesterday, Will, I had lunch with our friend.

• 6:48Jason Bateman?

  This is from the prepared section of Sean's notes.

• 6:50Sean Hayes?

  No, well, it's what really happened yesterday. And I got my tarot cards read for the first time ever. Have you ever had that? Yeah. Have you ever, I've never done it. Anyway, so our friend does this for a living, this person that Will and I know. And she, and I got my tarot cards read, but that's the whole story. I never had it done before. I don't really remember. But I had a world card, a judgment card, and a guy that was hanged.

• 7:16Jason Bateman?

  Did you go all in when you saw your hand?

• 7:17Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 7:19Will Arnett?

  Have you ever been hypnotized?

• 7:22Sean Hayes?

  No.

• 7:24Jason Bateman?

  With a stopwatch? I wonder if they still do that.

• 7:27Sean Hayes?

  No, I've never been hypnotized.

• 7:28Will Arnett?

  No.

• 7:29Jason Bateman?

  I have.

• 7:30Sean Hayes?

  Have you really?

• 7:31Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 7:31Sean Hayes?

  Why?

• 7:32Jason Bateman?

  Yeah. I forget what was.

• 7:34Will Arnett?

  Is it ongoing?

• 7:37Jason Bateman?

  I snapped out of it a couple hours ago. But this was, this was like, I don't know, 15 years ago. It was part of, I was into some heavy therapy at the time. I was trying to, you know, fill some holes and mend some, mend some breaks in my, in my brain.

• 7:51Sean Hayes?

  Sure.

• 7:52Jason Bateman?

  And it worked. It worked pretty good. I was, I was surprised because I was pretty skeptical, as one would be going into hypnotherapy, I think they called it.

• 8:01Will Arnett?

  What was, what was, and can I, just to get to the nuts and bolts of it. What was your involvement just showing up? Amanda did everything else, found the person, made the appointment, drove you there.

• 8:10Jason Bateman?

  Without a doubt. Yeah. She did everything except just lay me back easy on the sofa.

• 8:15Sean Hayes?

  Well, no, and then she was hypnotized. She did everything.

• 8:19Will Arnett?

  It was her.

• 8:23Jason Bateman?

  But it was, uh, it was what, uh, I was very curious of like, what would that be? Do you just kind of zonk out? And it was, it basically took me to the place right before you fall asleep. And so I'm in that space and a bunch of memories easily came back.

• 8:41Sean Hayes?

  Oh, wow.

• 8:41Jason Bateman?

  It was like right there at my fingertips and I was able to talk freely about all of these things that I guess are under a layer.

• 8:48Sean Hayes?

  See, I would just go straight to sleep. I wouldn't be able to speak.

• 8:51Jason Bateman?

  I know, but that's, that's, that's, that's the hypnotherapist talent. They can, they can kind of keep you just like floating right there on the edge, I guess.

• 8:58Will Arnett?

  And you remembered all of it and as if it, yeah?

• 9:01Jason Bateman?

  I guess, yeah. I mean, I did retain some gain from it, from it, I suppose. So, yeah, I guess it's a, it's a valid form of therapy for sure.

• 9:10Sean Hayes?

  Never.

• 9:10Jason Bateman?

  Much better than getting dealt a hand of cards. I mean, what's going on, Sean?

• 9:15Sean Hayes?

  That was kind of interesting, but I don't really remember.

• 9:17Jason Bateman?

  No, the tarot cards, there's a, that is also super valid and, um, who am I to say what's valid and what's not?

• 9:25Will Arnett?

  Don't walk it back. What are you doing?

• 9:26Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, no.

• 9:26Will Arnett?

  Why are you walking it back?

• 9:28Jason Bateman?

  These people.

• 9:29Will Arnett?

  Do you owe somebody money or something? What's going on?

• 9:33Sean Hayes?

  Well, but guys, speaking of hypnotic.

• 9:36Will Arnett?

  Wow.

• 9:36Sean Hayes?

  What?

• 9:37Will Arnett?

  Sean, world class, Sean. World class.

• 9:39Sean Hayes?

  Thank you, thank you. My guest today studied ballet as a kid, has some legit mime skills, plays the mandolin. No, plays the mandolin. As an actress, she's played a deranged vampire, a real life prosecutor, an actor playing a reporter, a sociopath in outer space, and of course, a dog owner with a lot of feelings. You might not always see her coming, but once you do, she's the only thing you want to watch. Indie queen, forever party girl. It's a totally original and someone I love very much.

• 10:06Jason Bateman?

  Double P? Parker Posey?

• 10:08Sean Hayes?

  Double P.

• 10:16Speaker 03

  Was that torture? I was hypnotized.

• 10:19Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, sure.

• 10:21Speaker 03

  I'm happy to be awake now.

• 10:22Jason Bateman?

  Sure.

• 10:22Speaker 03

  Hi, fellas.

• 10:23Jason Bateman?

  Hi. Kind of overdue, right?

• 10:25Speaker 03

  Love your podcast.

• 10:26Jason Bateman?

  How have you not been on the show already? Are you sure this isn't your second appearance?

• 10:30Speaker 03

  I don't live in Hollywood.

• 10:31Jason Bateman?

  She doesn't live in Hollywood.

• 10:32Speaker 03

  Well, you don't have to live in Hollywood to be on the show. I know, but I don't, well, someone didn't ask me.

• 10:37Will Arnett?

  I don't live in Hollywood either.

• 10:39Speaker 03

  Just invite me. I just did. I'm in upstate New York, but I'll come over.

• 10:43Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, it looks like you live in a very handsome apartment there in the West Village, I want to say.

• 10:49Speaker 03

  Are you in the West Village? It's called the Chateau Marmont, and it's on Sunset. Oh, you are in LA? And when I, yeah, I'm in LA.

• 10:55Will Arnett?

  Actually, out of all of us, you're the only one who's actually in Hollywood right now.

• 10:59Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 10:59Will Arnett?

  As it turns out, just by your standing.

• 11:01Speaker 03

  Oh, really? Where are you guys?

• 11:02Will Arnett?

  We're elsewhere, you know?

• 11:04Jason Bateman?

  We're, Will's in Simi Valley, Sean is Chatsworth.

• 11:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 11:09Jason Bateman?

  And I'm in Brea.

• 11:10Will Arnett?

  Sean's in, Sean's in.

• 11:11Speaker 03

  What is going, what?

• 11:14Jason Bateman?

  We get a bang for our buck, better.

• 11:16Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 11:18Speaker 03

  Parker, you look gorge. I like the color of your hair. I dyed the hair, I dyed the hair for our movie I did with Sam Rockwell and John Malkovich, a Martin McDonagh film.

• 11:28Jason Bateman?

  Jesus Christ, I'm so jealous of that film, that cast, that, I mean.

• 11:33Speaker 03

  Steve Buscemi.

• 11:33Jason Bateman?

  But you had to go to South Africa for it, right?

• 11:36Speaker 03

  Easter Island.

• 11:37Will Arnett?

  Easter Island.

• 11:38Jason Bateman?

  Where's that?

• 11:39Speaker 03

  Easter Island, Rappin' Nelly. It's called Wild, it's called Wild Horse Nine, right? Wild Horse Nine. Easter Island is the furthest place you can go in the world, being furthest away from anywhere else. It's a seventeen mile island with the heads, with the Moai. That's the thing, right. The cult of the Birdman.

• 11:58Will Arnett?

  It's off the coast of South America.

• 11:59Jason Bateman?

  Okay.

• 12:00Speaker 03

  Right.

• 12:00Jason Bateman?

  So it's not South Africa, it's South America?

• 12:03Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 12:04Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:04Will Arnett?

  It would be like if you flew from like Lima, Peru, and you wanted to go to Sydney, Australia, you'd fly right over it.

• 12:09Jason Bateman?

  Okay, guy, cool it.

• 12:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, that's just smart.

• 12:13Jason Bateman?

  Everybody's got property in Portugal and familiar with the southern hemisphere.

• 12:17Will Arnett?

  It's smart, okay?

• 12:19Speaker 03

  I wasn't, I wasn't. My parents would play a game with me in the car, and they'd be like, what's the capital of Denver? And I'd say Colorado. And they would just think that was hilarious how stupid I was at geography and knowing where things were. And I would like do this thing and my grandmother, Noni, she'd have this world, this globe, you know, those globes that you would love to spin it, you know, I'm gonna go here. And I would just play that for hours. And I'd say, you know what, I'll know where I am when I get there. And if I'm lost and I don't know where I am, I'm gonna ask somebody and they're gonna tell me. They're gonna tell me directions. And before the phones, I knew where to go and I'd ask people like directions and I was fine.

• 13:02Jason Bateman?

  Yeah. Did you come, did you come straight from Southeast Asia, um, home, repack your bags, and then go to Easter Island? Or was there a job in between? I'm speaking of the White Lotus Show.

• 13:13Speaker 03

  Oh, my God. Oh, that's a good question. Um, because there's been so much traveling that I wake up in bed and I don't know where I am. It takes me.

• 13:22Jason Bateman?

  It's too much. You need a nice sitcom over at Universal Studios for a while. Just relax.

• 13:27Speaker 03

  Do you know what? You know, I'm really loving Matlock. I'm loving Kathy Bates in Matlock.

• 13:32Jason Bateman?

  You are?

• 13:33Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah. Have you watched it?

• 13:34Jason Bateman?

  I bet you could do a nice arc on there. Just let them know.

• 13:37Speaker 03

  Oh, I just like that cozy formula and it's, she's just fantastic. And I'm, I'm, I'm into that. I'm also in, I watched 1923 with Helen Mirren.

• 13:48Jason Bateman?

  Oh, yeah.

• 13:48Speaker 03

  So I was here a few weeks ago. It was, it's great, you know? I, I love the costumes and the learning about history and geography and, um,

• 14:00Jason Bateman?

  It sounds like you're good about watching stuff. Are you, do you, do you gobble up everything?

• 14:03Speaker 03

  See, I'm doing all this, this is the awards push of Emmys and, you know, from White Lotus. I've never been a part of the machine that has, you know, had that happen.

• 14:15Jason Bateman?

  So you're taking a look at the competition?

• 14:17Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 14:18Jason Bateman?

  Yeah. And how do you, how do you, how do you think your chances are, are, are holding up? You think Kathy Bates is the horse to beat?

• 14:25Speaker 03

  I do. I do.

• 14:30Speaker 03

  I wonder if there's a horse named after her. There's a horse named after me.

• 14:34Jason Bateman?

  Is there really?

• 14:35Speaker 03

  A Posey Parker. And yeah, I lived with a woman named Marcia Brill in the West Village. She was an eighty-six-year-old, born and bred New Yorker, Jewish lady. Who bet on the horses. And she'd go, "Go ahead, make my day. Go get her, make my day." And she would smoke, and she was four foot eleven.

• 14:57Jason Bateman?

  I love it.

• 14:57Speaker 03

  And my friends would come by and they'd be like, "She's fabulous."

• 15:02Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 15:02Speaker 03

  Like, she was like, having a stiff drink at five and was an editor.

• 15:07Jason Bateman?

  You'd go to the OTB with her, or she'd just watch it on the TV?

• 15:10Speaker 03

  This was on TV, on like, a little, perfect, you know, black and white, little box TV from the eighties. Downstairs, around the kitchen.

• 15:18Jason Bateman?

  Amazing.

• 15:19Speaker 03

  But that, those times are no longer.

• 15:23Speaker 03

  But yeah, I'm open to LA. I wanna, I wanna, I'm using this podcast to, for you guys to tell everyone that I'm moving to Hollywood.

• 15:29Sean Hayes?

  Truly?

• 15:30Will Arnett?

  No, you're not, are you?

• 15:31Speaker 03

  But you're not, if you guys aren't here, you're not in Hollywood.

• 15:34Will Arnett?

  Well, we're in Hollywood, we're not Hollywood. I'm in the process of moving back to New York, so, you know, I'm going the other way.

• 15:40Speaker 03

  Is everyone just not?

• 15:42Will Arnett?

  I'm going back.

• 15:44Speaker 03

  You are, okay. I don't really know where to be, and I think that's from being in so many stories. And, and I should figure it out and stop this, like...

• 15:54Jason Bateman?

  But Parker, you've been going back and forth for years and years and years. If you wanted to move out to LA, you would have. But you, you kinda, you're in, you're in both all the time and all over the world.

• 16:04Speaker 03

  I'm in a farmhouse. I'm a lady. I'm a steward of the land on this farm in upstate New York. So I don't, I couldn't carry both the city and the country. And so now I'm like this...

• 16:16Jason Bateman?

  So you got rid of the city?

• 16:17Speaker 03

  Putting bird seed in the feeders, yeah.

• 16:19Jason Bateman?

  Really?

• 16:20Speaker 03

  It was too much, yeah.

• 16:21Will Arnett?

  Oh, I didn't know that. That's a big switch.

• 16:24Speaker 03

  So, yeah, it's a big switch, but...

• 16:26Will Arnett?

  Like, like Hudson Valley-type deal?

• 16:28Speaker 03

  Yeah, the Hudson Valley-type deal.

• 16:30Jason Bateman?

  Oh, wow, fucking great.

• 16:32Speaker 03

  Walton Goggins is close by. I just saw him last night. I ran into him. He has completed eighteen months of non-stop travel and work. He did Fallout, he did... Righteous Gemstones, he did White Lotus.

• 16:46Will Arnett?

  Saturday Live.

• 16:47Speaker 03

  And I saw him driving up in the parking lot and I, I was meeting some friends at, well, friends were picking me up at 5:35, it was 5:30, Walton drives up and Walton, and I see him in the car and I swear he like started crying. He was like, I'm done, I'm done. I just finished all of this, you know, mountain of work.

• 17:09Will Arnett?

  He gets to relax. He's got a beautiful house. We've seen it in magazines.

• 17:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, my house isn't like that. My house is really crunchy granola sweet. Yeah.

• 17:17Will Arnett?

  I like it.

• 17:18Sean Hayes?

  But you love it.

• 17:19Speaker 03

  The renovations, I'm trying to renovate and get a new kitchen because there's the insulation, you know, the pipes freeze and all that. And I love a project. But so my house has been this, this thing that I've, this being, you know, I don't look at my, I don't look at my house like mine. Like I just want to give to it because it's an old farmhouse. So I guess what I'm saying, Will, is like, and you guys, I'm trying to figure out just where to land in a community.

• 17:44Will Arnett?

  Let's shoot it. Let's shoot it. Let's cover it. Let's shoot the reno of the kitchen.

• 17:48Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 17:49Will Arnett?

  We're gonna get together with the gang over at Discovery and they're gonna pay for it.

• 17:53Speaker 03

  Well, and all of that's a great idea because, and that's what I tell the contractors when they come over. I'm like, I wanna, can you, are you open to me filming you with my phone? I would love to do like a home improvement show. I love that.

• 18:07Sean Hayes?

  Would you wear this?

• 18:08Speaker 03

  World. Put this on. Yeah.

• 18:12Will Arnett?

  Dress like you're from 1920.

• 18:14Speaker 03

  Turn around, do the hokey pokey.

• 18:15Will Arnett?

  Dress like you're from 1923. Could you do that? Can we, let's do a period reno.

• 18:20Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 18:21Sean Hayes?

  And get me a hamburger sandwich. And then what about, um, you, you, so.

• 18:26Sean Hayes?

  And wait, Joe Parker, you, you also.

• 18:31Speaker 03

  So I'm pitching all that stuff to like dead eyes.

• 18:35Sean Hayes?

  You tell, you told me that, I mean, I read that you like Deval kitchens. Cause speaking of renovating your place, what's a Deval kitchen? I had to Google it.

• 18:43Speaker 03

  Deval is loved spelled backwards.

• 18:45Will Arnett?

  You're stupid.

• 18:46Sean Hayes?

  Sean, stop it.

• 18:47Will Arnett?

  You're so stupid.

• 18:48Sean Hayes?

  Just throw away my notes.

• 18:49Will Arnett?

  Why don't you just look at the word and you say what word would be backwards?

• 18:52Sean Hayes?

  I didn't know it was that. It's not a real thing. Is it a real thing?

• 18:56Speaker 03

  Spell out loved and put it, go to the mirror.

• 18:58Sean Hayes?

  I just did it.

• 18:59Will Arnett?

  Just look at stuff backwards, dude.

• 19:01Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, wait, it's a real thing, Devoe?

• 19:03Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, what the?

• 19:04Speaker 03

  They had this show on HBO Max called For the Love of Kitchens. And there are these groovy English people in their 50s, our age.

• 19:14Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 19:14Speaker 03

  And he was making furniture in the 90s and shopping around antique stores and refurbishing this and building that and meeting all these cool guys and, you know, making a living and being kind of a vagabond artist and making cool stuff.

• 19:29Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 19:29Speaker 03

  And, you know, that started way back then, right?

• 19:32Jason Bateman?

  Right.

• 19:32Speaker 03

  Like, in the 70s, people were making their own furniture and the nomadic life stuff and all that. And then it goes out of style and then it came back.

• 19:39Jason Bateman?

  That's right.

• 19:39Speaker 03

  But now I think there's a resurgence. People are like, let me see things get fixed and built.

• 19:44Jason Bateman?

  Right.

• 19:44Speaker 03

  And give me the reveal. Let me see how it's made. And so, I, I love a reveal.

• 19:50Jason Bateman?

  Oh.

• 19:51Speaker 03

  And, um, so, so, yeah, they, she didn't become a creative director on the show, um, Devoe, until she was in her 40s and her kids were grown.

• 20:01Jason Bateman?

  Oh, such a real person.

• 20:02Speaker 03

  And so, there are this partnership, these two people, they're so lovely and have this really beautiful show.

• 20:08Jason Bateman?

  Oh, okay, got it.

• 20:09Speaker 03

  And, um, yeah, it's called For the Love of Kitchens.

• 20:11Jason Bateman?

  Got it, got it.

• 20:12Speaker 03

  So, Devoe is their thing. But, see, I don't know if I would, I said buy to the renovation because it's so expensive. I should just, like, sell, sell it and move somewhere else, like...

• 20:23Jason Bateman?

  No, just keep working. Just keep working, just keep making money and then the money, then the price won't matter, right? You just keep pumping.

• 20:29Speaker 03

  It's different for women. Women don't get paid with the guys. I don't know if you've heard about that.

• 20:32Jason Bateman?

  What?

• 20:33Speaker 03

  But there's a big discrepancy. There's a big discrepancy, darling. It just is. In these little indie movies, you don't make money.

• 20:40Jason Bateman?

  Well, but you know what? You should be applauded.

• 20:42Speaker 03

  But you do an endorsement.

• 20:43Jason Bateman?

  You should be applauded for, I, I guarantee you, you've been tempted or, or offered or presented with some very ugly, low-hanging fruit that you have avoided, right? Some big, like, hey, Parker, be the star of this big shitty studio movie. And you're like, yeah, I'm good. I, I, I like working with

• 21:01Sean Hayes?

  Is that true?

• 21:02Jason Bateman?

  Cool people on cool things. Is it true? It's gotta be true.

• 21:05Speaker 03

  You know, it wouldn't be true now, I'll be honest.

• 21:08Sean Hayes?

  It was true when you were younger, it was true.

• 21:10Speaker 03

  It was true when I was younger.

• 21:12Sean Hayes?

  Well, no.

• 21:13Speaker 03

  But no, it still is true. You know, I had to turn something down that would have paid me a lot of money after White Lotus, and I could barely put a sentence together. I was so wiped

• 21:23Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 21:23Speaker 03

  from almost seven months of work in Thailand.

• 21:26Sean Hayes?

  Seven months.

• 21:26Speaker 03

  And what that heavy lift was, and what that long distance run was, that it's like, you know, after you were, you go through something, there's like a reverb that I need like three months, three or four months to settle down and get back to myself.

• 21:46Sean Hayes?

  And then they're dangling this big paycheck and still you were like, no.

• 21:50Speaker 03

  And I said, I can't.

• 21:51Sean Hayes?

  Uh huh.

• 21:51Speaker 03

  I can't.

• 21:52Sean Hayes?

  Good for you. We'll be right back.

• 21:58Sean Hayes?

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• 22:43Sean Hayes?

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• 23:10Sean Hayes?

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• 24:34Sean Hayes?

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• 25:18Sean Hayes?

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• 25:44Sean Hayes?

  And now, back to the show.

• 25:48Will Arnett?

  You know, it's amazing, Parker. I remember you, we don't know each other, but I lived in New York in the whole 90s when you were doing all the greatest films. And you're one of those people who's doing the kind of stuff that I wanted to do. Like, I just like admired you so much and do continue to.

• 26:02Sean Hayes?

  Still to this day.

• 26:03Will Arnett?

  And we're about the same age, maybe I'm 55, but, but we're like.

• 26:06Sean Hayes?

  You guys both play really young, though.

• 26:10Will Arnett?

  I would see you around and stuff and I wasn't working and I was desperately, but I'd see you around in the city and then doing stuff.

• 26:17Sean Hayes?

  True.

• 26:18Will Arnett?

  And we had a lot of mutual, and I'd be like, I just, I want to do what she is doing.

• 26:22Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 26:23Will Arnett?

  I want to do, you're working with great directors, you're working with great performers, you're working with great writers all the time. Like consistently, year after year, all the films, Kicking and Screaming, Party Girl, whatever. All these great movies that you did.

• 26:37Sean Hayes?

  All the Chris Guest stuff.

• 26:38Will Arnett?

  Yeah. And then you had the Chris Guest stuff. I mean, you.

• 26:42Sean Hayes?

  Come on, Parker.

• 26:43Will Arnett?

  You gotta be really proud. You have an incredible body of work.

• 26:47Speaker 03

  I just like, but it's, yes, I, I am, you know, I'm, I can't say that I'm proud. That doesn't really, I feel so blessed. I feel so lucky. I mean, this is like.

• 27:01Will Arnett?

  Fortunate, it's not luck.

• 27:02Speaker 03

  And fortunate.

• 27:04Will Arnett?

  Good fortune, but it's, it's not luck. I hate to break it to you.

• 27:07Speaker 03

  That is there, I see what you mean. But yeah, it is a thing and. I mean, I want to write another book. The last seven or eight years have been so, um, I'm just full of stories, you know?

• 27:20Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, I love that.

• 27:21Speaker 03

  And I know I'm a storyteller and I'm here to, to share what I'm living and, and what I'm learning.

• 27:25Jason Bateman?

  Now, wait a second, listeners. We have a, you know, we hate the term storyteller on this show for the obvious reasons.

• 27:31Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 27:31Jason Bateman?

  But you, no, no, but you just said storyteller. I think that's a, that's a-

• 27:35Will Arnett?

  That's okay. We like that.

• 27:36Sean Hayes?

  Story maker.

• 27:37Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 27:37Will Arnett?

  We're gonna allow it. We're gonna allow it.

• 27:39Jason Bateman?

  That's a great fix. Thank you, Parker Posey.

• 27:41Will Arnett?

  Story maker. Parker, Parker, I'll tell you why. And by the way, you could get away with all of it because you have the credibility. There are too many people now in, in this town, and by this town, I mean LA.

• 27:51Jason Bateman?

  Chatsworth.

• 27:51Will Arnett?

  And, and, and New York, I can consider, who, who have been, that term storyteller has become this thing and they refer to themselves as a storyteller.

• 27:59Sean Hayes?

  Or like influencers.

• 28:00Will Arnett?

  You deserve it.

• 28:01Speaker 03

  I'm so, I'm so, I barely can do Zoom right now. Like, I've listened to a few of your, I am so feeding the bird feed, you know, putting the seed in the bird feeders.

• 28:10Jason Bateman?

  Yes.

• 28:11Speaker 03

  Like, I didn't even know the storyteller thing was a thing that people are saying.

• 28:14Will Arnett?

  But think about it, when you hear people say it all the time, you'll go for lunch and people are like, as a storyteller, you're like, you made an episode of a sitcom. You're like, fuck off.

• 28:22Jason Bateman?

  Exactly.

• 28:23Will Arnett?

  Like, what are you talking about? And why are you referring to yourself in the third person as this, as this abstract object that's full of creativity? Like, go fuck yourself.

• 28:34Jason Bateman?

  Right, right.

• 28:35Will Arnett?

  Now, you deserve it.

• 28:36Speaker 03

  You're sitting in a chair. Yeah.

• 28:38Will Arnett?

  Yeah. Fucking give me a fucking, like, but you, but you, you're right. Jason's right, and you say storyteller, and you are full of stories and you, you deserve it. And there's a, there's a-

• 28:49Jason Bateman?

  Absolutely.

• 28:50Will Arnett?

  You have, that you can back it up.

• 28:52Speaker 03

  It feels good to be supported by you guys, you know? Like, when my fame hit in the 90s, it's being famous and having that kind of success that I couldn't really explain. And I still don't really understand it, like-

• 29:05Will Arnett?

  Look at this. Parker, look at the screen.

• 29:07Jason Bateman?

  Look at that.

• 29:08Speaker 03

  Aww.

• 29:09Jason Bateman?

  That's Sean P. Hayes.

• 29:10Sean Hayes?

  That's me and you in 1998. And you had no idea who I was. And I was like, I'm obsessed with Parker Posey. And I grabbed you and I took a photo. And of course, I was in a movie called Billy's Hollywood Screencase and I wear the merch like an idiot.

• 29:27Will Arnett?

  Oh, Sean, I didn't know you were in that.

• 29:28Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 29:30Will Arnett?

  I did it.

• 29:30Speaker 03

  And I saw you-

• 29:31Sean Hayes?

  I was Billy in Billy's Hollywood Screencase, yeah.

• 29:33Speaker 03

  That play, you were so incredible in that play. Oh my God, that was heaven.

• 29:37Jason Bateman?

  Which one?

• 29:40Jason Bateman?

  Are we talking about, are we talking about, uh, stop, stop? What's, what's the double word one? What's the double?

• 29:47Sean Hayes?

  Promises, promises.

• 29:48Jason Bateman?

  That's it.

• 29:50Sean Hayes?

  Promises, promises.

• 29:52Jason Bateman?

  Display.

• 29:53Sean Hayes?

  But then Parker, yeah, you're speaking about being famous.

• 29:59Sean Hayes?

  But so, but being like, I just had that photo at the ready because I wanted to show you because that was you at, you know, just becoming Parker Posey in the nineties and being labeled the indie queen, which I, did you take that as a? The literal it girl. Yeah, the literal it girl. Did you take, did you take that compliment well or did you not want that?

• 30:20Speaker 03

  You know what it is, it's like when people point you out in a place as cool as New York and New York City and you're not cool anymore. So it's like, you're, you're, you're, you're, I felt like I was called a name in a way where I was trying to be, or my path was more like, oh, Greg Mottola did a, did a, you know, a reading of his movie that he was trying to get financed and then I introduced him to Leif Schreiber, who was in Party Girl. And then we do the Day Trippers a year later because he couldn't get the original script that he wanted financed, financed because the budget was, you know, it was such a community background.

• 31:01Sean Hayes?

  Right, right, right.

• 31:01Speaker 03

  And I felt like, um, when it got exposed that, right when I got exposed and the whole indie movement got exposed, it also got co-opted by the studio system.

• 31:13Sean Hayes?

  That's right, that's right.

• 31:14Speaker 03

  And then it became this other thing and all of a sudden I wasn't viable to get a movie financed and it was such a head trip because, and then I would have to audition for Hollywood movies when I'd carried the lead in independent movies that were shot in 23 days.

• 31:32Sean Hayes?

  Right.

• 31:33Speaker 03

  And all of a sudden I'm in a fluorescent lit room, like sweating and feeling like I'm being gaslit, you know?

• 31:40Sean Hayes?

  You were.

• 31:40Speaker 03

  Like I can promise I can do and memorize these lines and the scripts and I will have a blast.

• 31:47Sean Hayes?

  Let's just go.

• 31:48Speaker 03

  Trust me, you know?

• 31:49Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 31:50Speaker 03

  And I wasn't, so I had like a good 20 years of that, you know?

• 31:54Sean Hayes?

  Right.

• 31:55Speaker 03

  After, and then working with great auteurs and, and doing these, you know, not getting paid a lot, but. Being able to, you know, work in the world.

• 32:07Jason Bateman?

  Wealthy with respect.

• 32:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, my creativity.

• 32:10Will Arnett?

  And feeling satisfied, I imagine.

• 32:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's a weird thing. It's like, it's a mystical thing. I think my life and people's lives can have a mystical kind of quality if they're paying attention of like, and it's a, I think it's a healing thing. I think I evolve, I grow, I, I'm kind of a hippie like that.

• 32:28Jason Bateman?

  Well, let me ask you this. Are you at a spot in your career, and then we're, and then we're going to talk about your personal life. That's gonna be great. That's gonna be a whole lighting change, music change. But professionally.

• 32:38Speaker 03

  Costume change.

• 32:39Jason Bateman?

  Are you at a place right now that you, that, that you had the, the, the balls to even imagine and dream and, and, and hope for? Is this, is this the career you thought you were gonna have, or the career that you hoped that you had?

• 32:54Jason Bateman?

  It's a lot there.

• 32:55Will Arnett?

  Wow, that's a lot, JB.

• 32:56Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 32:57Will Arnett?

  What the fuck, man?

• 32:58Speaker 03

  I feel. That's a good question. You know, when you do a lot of traveling and you're not home, I haven't been home for more than five days since February.

• 33:08Jason Bateman?

  Right.

• 33:09Speaker 03

  It's so much more interesting than, than your career or where you thought you would be in as far as like, at, you know, the success of something like White Lotus gives you, right?

• 33:20Jason Bateman?

  Right.

• 33:21Speaker 03

  That I feel so blessed. I feel so protected. I feel in my flow and that is, I feel like I've, I've learned, I've been through a lot, you know, from forty-five to fifty-six was a lot.

• 33:38Jason Bateman?

  Right.

• 33:39Sean Hayes?

  Like, what do you mean? What's, what's a lot? Like?

• 33:41Jason Bateman?

  Like good or challenging?

• 33:43Speaker 03

  My, like, my dad had prostate cancer for twenty years from Agent Orange in Vietnam.

• 33:47Sean Hayes?

  Oh, I'm sorry.

• 33:48Speaker 03

  I'm talking like a prolonged grief, like anticipatory grief. I think I had a lot of grief with my career and going like, I don't quite understand it. As a woman, you get older and then, you know, and the culture changes, so you have that and you. You have good ideas that you pitch that are educational and kids would love them and they don't get made. You know, there's a lot of disappointment in the culture right now.

• 34:18Sean Hayes?

  Now more than ever.

• 34:19Speaker 03

  Now more as an artist and you're just kind of like, but this is such a powerful medium. I don't understand why more is being, you know, on the screen. You know, if the arts are going to be subsidized in New York, is it going to be the apex of creativity? Then what can we make to form something that will be that and will hold that for our playwrights? For our writers who are born to tell, that have that soul. And I've read enough scripts and I've seen enough plays to know that there is that like divine spark. When you read something that is like Our Town or something that is so... And, you know, we used to be a culture that aimed toward that.

• 35:03Speaker 03

  And I hope, you know, I'm an optimist, like I will be that, you know, to Moscow, to Moscow, Chekhov character till the day I die. Like, I believe in, you know, being in Thailand for so long and coming back to America was so inspiring. I mean, everyone, I'm like, ugh, you know, I'm like, this country and these people and these trees and this nature, like, do you know how lucky we are? Like, we kind of like shape up in like this way that has been so...

• 35:33Will Arnett?

  What would you do, now that you sit here, I love hearing you talk.

• 35:37Speaker 03

  Is that too much tooting my horn?

• 35:39Sean Hayes?

  I love that.

• 35:40Will Arnett?

  Are you kidding?

• 35:40Sean Hayes?

  I love that. I love everything you say.

• 35:43Will Arnett?

  Parker, if you had 20 more minutes on that...

• 35:45Sean Hayes?

  Wait, did you just toot?

• 35:47Will Arnett?

  If you had 20 more minutes on that, we would be good. Having said all that, so sitting where you are today with all that information, like having all that stuff and you tooted, would you, what would you, is there anything that you would have done differently? Was there a moment, was there a thing, is there something you look back on and go, ah...

• 36:08Jason Bateman?

  She just tooted.

• 36:11Will Arnett?

  Do you know what I mean? Stupid. Like, would you have done anything, would you have done anything differently?

• 36:16Speaker 03

  I don't know, because you're just all learning about, you know, you're, you're changing and you're like, I mean, I think I, I, I could have been easier on myself. I think I could have not worked so hard. And I could have deserved more. And.

• 36:33Will Arnett?

  Or felt like you were deserving more, you mean?

• 36:35Speaker 03

  Yes, that's right.

• 36:37Jason Bateman?

  But wait, but, but Parker, I want to go through things in your life that kind of, I read about that fascinated me. I didn't know you were a mime, you were trained in mime?

• 36:44Speaker 03

  That was a lie.

• 36:45Jason Bateman?

  A mime training?

• 36:46Speaker 03

  That was a total lie.

• 36:47Jason Bateman?

  Oh, I didn't know that.

• 36:49Speaker 03

  God, I was like, I had to put a resume and, and, and, yeah, I, I'm a fan, but I saw Marcel Marceau

• 36:57Jason Bateman?

  Of course.

• 36:57Speaker 03

  In New York, like on his 80th birthday, perform.

• 37:01Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 37:02Speaker 03

  And I cried my face off.

• 37:04Jason Bateman?

  Because you thought it was amazing that he was moving boxes that weren't there.

• 37:07Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 37:08Jason Bateman?

  Yes. I've never, now where?

• 37:09Speaker 03

  I, just anything that can reach like a four-year-old and a hundred-year-old, like, what that did, like, it was just so artful and fantastic.

• 37:17Will Arnett?

  Jason has a question about mime.

• 37:19Speaker 03

  I'm not making fun of mime, you're not getting me to make fun of mime, but I lied about it on my resume.

• 37:23Jason Bateman?

  But is it still going? Because I, I feel like it's so sort of kitsch now that you could actually make a run at it. If you had, if anyone out there has some mime skills, I bet you could really make yourself a nice living nowadays because it's kind of ironic. And you could probably pack some, uh, some theaters, some large theaters, maybe not arenas, but I think you could do, you could do a theater tour.

• 37:43Will Arnett?

  The question is, is it, is it still going?

• 37:46Jason Bateman?

  About mimes. I mean, your overhead's low, you need something black, something black and tight.

• 37:52Will Arnett?

  No props, you're not allowed props.

• 37:53Speaker 03

  No words, no words either.

• 37:55Jason Bateman?

  Go get after it, you need a spotlight.

• 37:57Will Arnett?

  Just a stripy, stripy t-shirt and a spotlight.

• 37:59Jason Bateman?

  And some leggings, yeah. I'd go see a, a mime show.

• 38:04Sean Hayes?

  Okay, so wait, so Parker, you were named after the model Susie Parker, correct?

• 38:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, there are two parts of the story. They did love, my parents, you know, fell madly in love and, and, and married, married young and my dad was drafted and, the, you know, the twins were born and, um.

• 38:23Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, you have a twin brother, which I didn't know about.

• 38:26Speaker 03

  And my, my, um. My mom had a friend when she was a little girl who she, my mom was 12, like 11 or 12, like still a Girl Scout. And one of her friends had, her sister had a baby and named her Parker. And my mom, whose name is Linda with a Y. She always hated it. Linda with a Y. Why does my mother, Linda with a Y? And she goes, "Oh, there's a little butterfly outside."

• 38:56Jason Bateman?

  No way. Let's stop for a second.

• 39:00Speaker 03

  And so my mom said, "If I ever have a little girl, I'm gonna give her a strong name like Parker." But then she met my dad with this name like Posey. And I almost died at birth. My dad was like there in his army.

• 39:16Will Arnett?

  Wait, wait, let's not gloss over that. Hang on a second. We stopped for the butterfly, but you don't stop for the.

• 39:22Jason Bateman?

  But you blowed through the death?

• 39:25Jason Bateman?

  Were you, were you almost dropped? Or was it a?

• 39:29Will Arnett?

  What happened?

• 39:30Jason Bateman?

  Were you still in the, in the oven?

• 39:32Speaker 03

  I was still in the oven. I was born premature. And my, you know, and a week before, on Halloween, my mom got the news that she was having twins. And so the story was that I was in her ribs and they didn't even know where I, where I was.

• 39:50Jason Bateman?

  Oh, God.

• 39:50Speaker 03

  So I was out at three pounds.

• 39:53Will Arnett?

  Like Eve speaking the Bible, right? Like Eve came from Adam's rib. Keep going.

• 39:55Jason Bateman?

  Yeah. There you go.

• 39:58Will Arnett?

  It's all coming together.

• 40:00Speaker 03

  And so, yeah, I, I was like not even three pounds and and so the doctor came in, saying, "Your, your, your boy is fine, but we don't know about your girl. We need a name."

• 40:13Will Arnett?

  So we're just gonna park her right here?

• 40:18Speaker 03

  And so I'm gonna park her right here and what's the middle name? And my middle name is Christian because they, they wanted the help of, of Jesus and God and anyone else who would listen. And, and so, yeah, my dad would tell this story.

• 40:36Speaker 03

  That he was in the hospital with a six pack of beer, like kneeling and praying. As he's like looking at me in an incubator with these like, with these. And he's like, please God, please let my little girl live. And at that moment, I screamed.

• 40:52Will Arnett?

  No way.

• 40:52Speaker 03

  And so my dad, so I was like, okay, now my dad, my dad talks to God all the time. So it was like such a crazy story to tell like a little kid. You know how you tell, so I got a lot of that mythologizing.

• 41:04Will Arnett?

  Yeah, that's cool.

• 41:05Speaker 03

  As a kid, which I, and then he also said, and I looked at that beer can and I said, my, my girl is the size of this beer can. She's like a beer can with legs. And that was like, and look at me now, so.

• 41:24Will Arnett?

  Were you treated like this, sort of the, the, the golden child, because you kind of like, against all odds, you kind of came to life and all that stuff?

• 41:32Speaker 03

  No, no, no, no, they were.

• 41:34Will Arnett?

  I think that's often the case, isn't it? Like sometimes people.

• 41:38Speaker 03

  I mean, I was definitely daddy's girl. My dad, I describe as a comedian without a venue. Like he was really funny and really a performer, you know, and.

• 41:50Sean Hayes?

  Tell me about that time, because about your dad calling you, you were in the summer program. I didn't know you were in ballet. I didn't know you.

• 41:56Speaker 03

  I was, I was a ballerina and my dad, I auditioned, I, I went away when I was 12 for North Carolina School of Arts to dance and I loved ballet and I auditioned for the, for the dance program and I didn't get in and I was devastated. And my dad called the dean of the school and he said, my daughter's going to be devastated. What do I tell her? And he said, Lee loved her so much and she almost got in because she's so much fun. But you just tell her she's an actress and that's how it all started.

• 42:29Will Arnett?

  Oh, for real? No way?

• 42:30Speaker 03

  Yeah. Yeah. And so I went back to NCSA for acting and it was there I did clowning and maybe that's why I, you know, I made fun of mime back then, but I, you know, I have respect for mime and I appreciate.

• 42:42Sean Hayes?

  For sure.

• 42:43Speaker 03

  Mime and I did movement and dance and all of that and.

• 42:46Will Arnett?

  So where did you grow up? Where was your childhood?

• 42:48Speaker 03

  Monroe, Louisiana.

• 42:50Will Arnett?

  Oh, really?

• 42:51Sean Hayes?

  Born in Baltimore, raised in Louisiana and then Mississippi.

• 42:54Speaker 03

  That's right. We moved to Laurel when I was 12. So I was already like out the door.

• 42:59Will Arnett?

  What was your first pro gig?

• 43:02Speaker 03

  It was a short, I was a junior in college. It was a short called First Love, Fatal Love for HBO about a woman and a young person in high school who had AIDS. And this was played by a woman named Alex O'Dea, who I love and adore. She's Gabby Hoffman's older sister, and she's just brilliant and a great person and woman. And she wrote a book, too, and she's just wonderful. And Steve Zahn, Steve Zahn had 10 lines in that, I had 10 lines.

• 43:33Will Arnett?

  How old were you?

• 43:34Speaker 03

  I had 10 lines. I was 20, I think.

• 43:36Will Arnett?

  Wow, wow, that's amazing. And then what? And then you went, you did that, you graduated from, where were you?

• 43:40Speaker 03

  What about you? I want to hear like little stories, like when did that all click for you guys?

• 43:44Will Arnett?

  No, but when, what, how'd you get to New York? No, no, you're in the chair. You're in the chair. So when did you move to New York?

• 43:51Speaker 03

  So at NCSA, when I was there at 16, because I went for the summer programs and I just loved it, one of the teachers there named Molly, and she had this big cow, she was a modern dance teacher, and she had this big cow patty bun on her head and wore like, you know.

• 44:07Will Arnett?

  Cow patty bun.

• 44:08Speaker 03

  Leotards and character skirts all day long. She'd been wearing them for like 35 years, right? And I loved the modern dance teachers. She said, you know, you may want to try auditioning for SUNY Purchase for drama. And because these schools accept different types of actors. And so I wanted to, so it was the, I auditioned for NCSA Juilliard and SUNY Purchase, and Purchase was the school I got into.

• 44:36Will Arnett?

  That's amazing. And your roommate was Sherry.

• 44:38Speaker 03

  Yeah, so that's how it started. And I was going to, I was living in New York City the 1989, 90 of my junior year. And freelancing with a manager. I know, gosh, it's wild to think about how long I've been doing this.

• 44:54Will Arnett?

  That was the year I moved to New York, 90, same year.

• 44:56Speaker 03

  Where did you live?

• 44:57Will Arnett?

  Everywhere. We'll be right back.

• 45:03Sean Hayes?

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• 45:45Sean Hayes?

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• 46:07Sean Hayes?

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• 46:48Sean Hayes?

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• 47:28Jason Bateman?

  And now, back to the show.

• 47:32Sean Hayes?

  Parker, you've talked a lot about your, you know, you described your family as like these fabulous southern characters that you emulate sometimes and stuff. Like, what is your favorite things to go to when creating characters that emulate your family? Like, a lot of my midwestern stuff, like, I do that too. Like, our mid, we call pop instead of soda, you know? There's Portillo's, which is a very, you know, popular midwestern chain. Obviously, the pizza.

• 48:04Will Arnett?

  This is insane character work you're doing. Just as a quick aside, how do you?

• 48:10Sean Hayes?

  Anything above 50 degrees.

• 48:11Will Arnett?

  How do you keep track of it all?

• 48:13Speaker 04

  Just as a quick aside.

• 48:17Sean Hayes?

  Where did you train? Anything above 50 degrees.

• 48:20Will Arnett?

  Are you in character now? Who are we talking to? Who are we talking to right now?

• 48:24Sean Hayes?

  I know, I gotta chat, I gotta, I gotta go to zero.

• 48:27Jason Bateman?

  So wait, so soda, you call pop?

• 48:28Sean Hayes?

  Pop, yes. 50 degrees.

• 48:31Will Arnett?

  Can I get a pen?

• 48:35Sean Hayes?

  Cinnamon rolls with chili is very midwestern. I put ketchup on steak. My mom used to say, like, my mom used to say.

• 48:42Jason Bateman?

  What if you were to play somebody from the northeast?

• 48:45Sean Hayes?

  Who, me or Parker?

• 48:46Will Arnett?

  Yeah, what are you putting on your steak then?

• 48:47Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, no, Sean. What would you call soda then?

• 48:50Sean Hayes?

  I don't know what they call it.

• 48:51Jason Bateman?

  Seltzer, right?

• 48:53Speaker 04

  Seltzer.

• 48:53Sean Hayes?

  Or do they call it seltzer?

• 48:54Jason Bateman?

  Now you're in it.

• 48:55Sean Hayes?

  Don't they call soda?

• 48:57Will Arnett?

  If you were in the South, you'd call everything a Coke.

• 49:00Sean Hayes?

  That's a fact, yeah. Anyway, I didn't know if there was any.

• 49:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, the South is a different, you know, I just, yeah. Did you read plays? Did everyone read plays as a young actor?

• 49:10Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, always, yeah.

• 49:11Jason Bateman?

  I didn't.

• 49:11Speaker 03

  And so is that, well, you were already on that TV show, Jason.

• 49:16Jason Bateman?

  Dumb, dumb, dumb stuff, yes.

• 49:17Speaker 03

  How cute were you on that little show?

• 49:19Jason Bateman?

  I mean, pretty cute.

• 49:21Speaker 03

  I was like, he's cute.

• 49:23Will Arnett?

  Oh, he's really cute. He's very cute. He's still very cute.

• 49:27Jason Bateman?

  Very cute.

• 49:28Will Arnett?

  Don't kid yourself.

• 49:29Jason Bateman?

  Let's go slow through this section.

• 49:31Sean Hayes?

  Okay, so listen, then, Parker, I want to go through your hobbies, if it's okay to call them hobbies. Pottery, sewing, Ashtanga yoga, which I have no idea what that is.

• 49:41Jason Bateman?

  Ashtanga.

• 49:41Sean Hayes?

  Ayurvedic medicine, I have no idea what that is. Like, what are all those things?

• 49:48Will Arnett?

  That's so stupid.

• 49:53Speaker 03

  Oh my god.

• 49:55Jason Bateman?

  What are those things? What's Ayurvedic? Is that it?

• 49:59Speaker 03

  Okay. Ayurvedic, when I was doing, um, I did a movie called The Eye with Jessica Alba. And, um, it was based on a Korean film. Yay, Jessica. Um, it was based on a, a Korean film, a horror film, about a woman who's blind and gets a chance to see.

• 50:17Speaker 04

  I'll be honest, I never saw it.

• 50:22Speaker 03

  And so she, my sister, Jessica, gets her eyes, does, you know, gets a surgery where she gets these eyes back. And they're the eyes of a murderer. And, um, it was a great part because, uh, as her sister, because all I had to do is like, what's going on? You seem different, you know? And I was in New Mexico for like three weeks. And I went to the Ayurvedic Institute and I, and I sat in on some classes with, um, a Ayurvedic teacher named Dr. Visant Lad, who is like one of these leading Ayurvedic people in the country. And if you know Andrew Weil, I think his name is.

• 50:59Jason Bateman?

  Sure. With the, with the, with the big gray beard.

• 51:02Speaker 03

  Yeah, that guy. And, um, so he's. What do you know about it?

• 51:05Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, I know.

• 51:07Speaker 03

  And, um, I sat in on some classes at the institute there. And, um, I met this, um, I hung out at the Annapurna Cafe, which is like the Indian cafe and found the yoga classes, but heard from this guy Prakash that there was a, um, there was an Ayurvedic school and I should go because this Dr. Visant Lad is incredible. So I sat in on some classes there. It was really cool.

• 51:31Jason Bateman?

  What do they teach? What is Ayurvedic?

• 51:33Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's a science. It's a science, um, of the body. And like, we're born into these bodies that tell us what our, um, psychology is and what our diet, how we should eat. And, um, and then the, there's three different, there's, it's Pitta, Vata and Kapha. So everyone falls into these different. Categories of, of, if there's like, if, like, I burn through energy. You know, like when I'm working, I'm like, I'm, I'm quick to, to grasp things, but I can easily forget them.

• 52:08Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 52:08Speaker 03

  And so, it's like a way of your body, you're designed in a certain way. We're incarnated into these bodies to have this kind of experience. And with these bodies, they are teaching us how to be centered and aligned and, and open and.

• 52:23Sean Hayes?

  And there's certain programs that, that benefit each type of body?

• 52:27Speaker 03

  That's right, yeah. And certain foods. So, there were people who had cancer, who did the Ayurvedic, um, there's a, it's called, uh, Pacha Karma, I think.

• 52:37Sean Hayes?

  That's interesting.

• 52:38Speaker 03

  And, um, it's really interesting. And through diet, um, they've healed themselves. And then they're like, okay, we're opening a, a restaurant in Hawaii and I'm gonna serve Ayurvedic food because this is healing people more than my chemo did, you know? So when my dad had cancer, I tried to get him to, you know, be more, um, to be healthier. And I, I saw someone, um, sent me a doc, a doc called, um, I think Surviving Cancer, which had an interview of all these people who said, I'm not doing chemo, I'm just gonna see what happens with my diet when I change it. And, um, anyway, it's kind of.

• 53:17Sean Hayes?

  That is interesting.

• 53:18Speaker 03

  I, I like all that stuff.

• 53:19Will Arnett?

  I've met, I've met two people in my life who, in the last 20 years, who had, uh, different forms of cancer, who were, who did similar things, who, who changed not just their diet, but their lifestyle, removed stress and did all that stuff. And were able to completely eliminate the cancer. The one, this one guy, uh, had been a firefighter and he developed lung cancer. True story. And he ended up being, JB, he ended up being, one of the coolest guys I've ever met. He quit his life, he moved to Carmel and he became a caddy at Pebble.

• 53:50Sean Hayes?

  No way.

• 53:51Will Arnett?

  And he's one of, yeah, this guy Ryan, and he's one of the coolest people I've ever met. And he's like, I just, I wake up every morning and I walk, my wife does it, we make all this stuff and we, and I've changed my life and I like being a caddy, I'm out here in the thing, and he plays golf as well. He's like, and I've just.

• 54:04Sean Hayes?

  Zero stress.

• 54:05Will Arnett?

  This is what I do now. Zero stress. He, he refused the chemo and he beat it. Now, I, I, again.

• 54:12Sean Hayes?

  That's amazing.

• 54:13Will Arnett?

  I know, I, I don't know if it works, but he, he really did it and he went full, full bore, he went, he leaned into it and. In addition to beating the cancer, and I think he was predisposed to be this way, he had an incredible energy about him. He was incredibly empathetic, kind person. And he had an aura about him, like really pretty amazing.

• 54:34Jason Bateman?

  That's cool. Or you can wake up every morning and eat a Pop-Tart and stress out about your bottom line, right Sean?

• 54:41Will Arnett?

  And answer emails like a gopher.

• 54:47Sean Hayes?

  That's me, Parker by the way.

• 54:49Will Arnett?

  Before you hit send, you get a reply from Sean.

• 54:50Speaker 03

  Do you eat Pop-Tarts Sean?

• 54:53Sean Hayes?

  I do sometimes. I have a couple of boxes in there now.

• 54:56Jason Bateman?

  With a glass of milk.

• 54:57Sean Hayes?

  With a glass of milk, but I have to cut down on the sugar just because it's not, I have to cut it all the way out. I just have to cut it down a little bit. I didn't have a dessert last night for the first time in like 10 years.

• 55:07Jason Bateman?

  And did you wake up feeling a little snappier?

• 55:09Sean Hayes?

  Uh, I did actually. I slept a little better, actually. Yeah, yeah.

• 55:13Jason Bateman?

  Now Parker, when you were in Thailand, did you see a lot of the Ayurvedic folks and some of your yoga practice I bet was, there was a lot of...

• 55:23Speaker 03

  Oh my God, I did it all. I was so excited.

• 55:26Jason Bateman?

  I bet that was a dream for you. You must have loved it there.

• 55:29Speaker 03

  It was a dream. I heard about this place called Kamalaya. Mike's lawyer's wife, she, I just struck up a conversation. We'd all just landed there like a week, you know? And she said, "I'm going to this place called Kamalaya. It's for women of a certain age and, you know, I'm gonna go there for two weeks and get this all sorted out." And then I saw her two weeks later and she was just like, "Phew."

• 55:55Sean Hayes?

  Oh really?

• 55:55Speaker 03

  And...

• 55:56Sean Hayes?

  What do you mean, just exhausted?

• 55:57Speaker 03

  No.

• 55:58Will Arnett?

  Transformed.

• 55:59Speaker 03

  She was like, "It changed my life."

• 56:01Sean Hayes?

  Oh wow.

• 56:02Speaker 03

  She had, she got grounded. She was centered. She was like, it opened up. A lot of healing. And so this place and these, it's very, you know, there's an Ayurvedic chef there and it's a wellness center and has one of those plaques that Mike visited this place for White Lotus, you know, a digital detox, please no cell phones at the table and all of that. And there was a communal table. And I mean, I um, I got to, I got to stay there for six weeks.

• 56:34Jason Bateman?

  Oh my god. Wow.

• 56:35Speaker 03

  And um, I did Reiki, I did sound baths, I, I went to that liminal space you were talking about earlier in the show.

• 56:44Jason Bateman?

  Right, the hypnotic place.

• 56:45Speaker 03

  Where you're in between consciousness and you're in a theta state, I think it's called too. And I had waking like moments and dreams and I saw things and it was like, it, it was, it was founded on a, on a monk's cave, like twenty-five years ago, this couple, John and Karina, met each other and then reconnected and built this, this, this beautiful place. So it's uh, the thing about Thailand that is so special is, is the, or the people.

• 57:18Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 57:19Speaker 03

  Like, a rite of passage is a, as a, you know, I don't know how old as a thirteen year old is or maybe in high school, is to live in a monastery and live off the kindness of others who, who are going to drop off food for you to eat.

• 57:35Jason Bateman?

  Wow, wow.

• 57:36Speaker 03

  So they have, it's a lot of reciprocity. Okay, at Kamalaya, there was a doctor named Dr. Cern. I had this mu mu kaftan dress on with dogs on it. And so she, and I love dogs. And so she told me about her, she showed me pictures of her dog KK. KK means crooked in Thai. And KK had crooked eyes and was a little like, you know, a mix, kind of a corgi mix, but a little stockier.

• 58:05Jason Bateman?

  Sure.

• 58:05Speaker 03

  And the dog, she showed me these, these pictures of KK with like, carrying a dead leaf, like a leaf or a branch in his mouth, her mouth. Even KK knows to bring offerings when she wants something. So she would make offerings of like a leaf or something, she'd bring it to the door for food at the door. Isn't that the best?

• 58:30Sean Hayes?

  And then, and then when you got back to the, when you got back to the United States, you're like, oh, this is the best country in the world. Um, so listen.

• 58:39Jason Bateman?

  Van eyes.

• 58:42Speaker 03

  They're so kind, like it's so, they're so present with you. And it's just so, well, yeah, anyway. I can tell you guys kind of spaced out and checked out. No, we were listening.

• 58:55Sean Hayes?

  No, I love that.

• 58:55Speaker 03

  We were listening.

• 58:57Sean Hayes?

  We were listening, I love that.

• 59:00Sean Hayes?

  No, Days and Confused, Party Girl, You Were Queen of the Indies, All the Waiting for Guff and Best in Show, White Lotus, you were, you killed in that show. You have, remind me the name of the movie that's coming out. It's called Wild Horse 9. Yes, and really quick, before, do you remember when I came to your apartment in New York when you were practicing mandolin for Mighty Wind?

• 59:21Speaker 03

  Yes, that's right!

• 59:22Sean Hayes?

  Yes, and I sat there in your apartment with you and you're like, I want to see what it's like to be in a Christopher Guest movie. And you showed me the outline of Best in Show, or no, of Mighty Wind. And I was like, oh, really? So you just make all this stuff up? Like, you completely improvise? It was, it's really cool. And then you were showing me the song that you were making up with the mandolin.

• 59:42Speaker 03

  Right!

• 59:43Sean Hayes?

  I just thought that was fascinating to me.

• 59:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's so, I think I kind of got what it was to learn an instrument at the end there, like I could start jamming with songs and then get that kind of space. Yeah, that was, that was so cool. I'm so glad I got to do, yeah, do that.

• 59:59Jason Bateman?

  You remember our Oscar-winning film we did together called The Sweetest Thing?

• 1:00:04Speaker 03

  Yes!

• 1:00:05Jason Bateman?

  I mean, was that not just creatively?

• 1:00:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, I know, we just killed it.

• 1:00:10Jason Bateman?

  The most fulfilling, right?

• 1:00:10Speaker 03

  We killed it.

• 1:00:11Jason Bateman?

  I was so excited to be working with you.

• 1:00:13Speaker 03

  Will you stay? I really enjoyed hanging out with you guys. You know, you do these things and then you don't really feel like you're hanging out.

• 1:00:22Jason Bateman?

  Well, we're gonna come over to the chateau right now, we're gonna have lunch.

• 1:00:25Speaker 03

  Yeah, we're gonna speed over. I have something at 2:30 and that's it.

• 1:00:30Sean Hayes?

  Parker, we love you very much.

• 1:00:32Speaker 03

  Love you guys!

• 1:00:33Sean Hayes?

  Thank you for being here.

• 1:00:33Speaker 03

  Such a fan.

• 1:00:34Sean Hayes?

  And I hope you win, I hope you win for White Lotus because you deserve it.

• 1:00:38Jason Bateman?

  Yes, please.

• 1:00:38Speaker 03

  Thank you. I just hope I'm nominated.

• 1:00:41Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:42Speaker 03

  Honored to be nominated and I hope that happens. So thank you for sending out that Hollywood vibe, I love it.

• 1:00:48Jason Bateman?

  You'll get our votes.

• 1:00:50Speaker 03

  Thank you, guys!

• 1:00:51Sean Hayes?

  Bye, honey, love you.

• 1:00:52Speaker 03

  Thank you, Parker Posey. Love you guys, thank you.

• 1:00:54Jason Bateman?

  Bye, bye, bye.

• 1:00:55Sean Hayes?

  Oh, then she just covers up, look at that.

• 1:00:57Jason Bateman?

  Look at that, she knows what she's doing.

• 1:00:59Speaker 03

  I know what I'm doing.

• 1:01:03Sean Hayes?

  Love her.

• 1:01:03Will Arnett?

  Wow, yeah, really.

• 1:01:05Jason Bateman?

  That Parker.

• 1:01:06Sean Hayes?

  She's so funny.

• 1:01:07Jason Bateman?

  She's an original.

• 1:01:08Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:09Jason Bateman?

  Oh, it's just consistently exciting to watch.

• 1:01:11Sean Hayes?

  She was on Will and Grace a lot, many episodes of Will and Grace.

• 1:01:14Jason Bateman?

  Oh, really?

• 1:01:15Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:15Jason Bateman?

  Why didn't we talk about that?

• 1:01:16Will Arnett?

  Yeah, what happened to that?

• 1:01:17Sean Hayes?

  I didn't know, I didn't know whether to be like, hey, remember when you were on Will and Grace? Yeah, I didn't have any question about it.

• 1:01:22Jason Bateman?

  It didn't stop me.

• 1:01:23Sean Hayes?

  Yeah. About what?

• 1:01:25Jason Bateman?

  Remember when we did Sweetest Thing together?

• 1:01:27Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, I know. But, um, yeah, I mean, she was, she's always been so kind, like you said.

• 1:01:33Will Arnett?

  Never met her before.

• 1:01:33Sean Hayes?

  Oh, really? Isn't she hilarious?

• 1:01:35Will Arnett?

  Yeah, she's amazing.

• 1:01:36Sean Hayes?

  She's great.

• 1:01:37Will Arnett?

  She's as advertised, she delivers.

• 1:01:39Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, and she's, um, I, I don't know about you, because I love all that kind of talk about like, all that healing stuff and the ivor, ivoristic or whatever it's called.

• 1:01:48Jason Bateman?

  That's what it was, ivoristic, good for you.

• 1:01:50Sean Hayes?

  Or something, I, I.

• 1:01:51Jason Bateman?

  Ayurvedic.

• 1:01:52Sean Hayes?

  Ayurvedic, that's what it is. Ayurvedic, I want to learn more about that.

• 1:01:55Jason Bateman?

  No, you don't.

• 1:01:56Will Arnett?

  We want you to learn more about it.

• 1:01:59Sean Hayes?

  I actually do want to learn more about it.

• 1:02:00Jason Bateman?

  Why don't you go to Thailand for six weeks and go to that.

• 1:02:02Sean Hayes?

  Why don't you, you fucking idiot?

• 1:02:03Jason Bateman?

  That wellness center and get yourself flushed out.

• 1:02:06Will Arnett?

  Yeah, why don't you, why don't you go fucking, he won't even go to the 405. What, you think he's going to fucking Thailand?

• 1:02:11Jason Bateman?

  Scrape some of the impacted bowels you've got, right out.

• 1:02:14Will Arnett?

  Can you imagine he had to go to a place that he didn't have access to Jeopardy every night? He'd be.

• 1:02:19Sean Hayes?

  Or Wheel of Fortune.

• 1:02:20Will Arnett?

  And the Wheel of Fortune, it's never fucking happening.

• 1:02:22Sean Hayes?

  No, I'm not going to Thailand.

• 1:02:24Will Arnett?

  No.

• 1:02:24Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, I appreciate these almonds, but do you have any hickory almonds?

• 1:02:29Sean Hayes?

  Absolutely. How about when she stopped for that butterfly? I love that. And, uh, you know, butterfly rhymes with.

• 1:02:35Jason Bateman?

  Here they come, here it comes.

• 1:02:37Sean Hayes?

  Butter-bye?

• 1:02:40Jason Bateman?

  What? No.

• 1:02:41Will Arnett?

  That's not even a thing, man.

• 1:02:42Sean Hayes?

  I know, it rhymes with butterfly.

• 1:02:44Jason Bateman?

  No, keep working.

• 1:02:45Will Arnett?

  You can just make shit up.

• 1:02:47Jason Bateman?

  Will and I, Will and I are talk, we'll talk for a while and you do some Google searching and come up with a bye. Will, what's going on with your mic stand?

• 1:02:54Will Arnett?

  I don't know, man.

• 1:02:55Jason Bateman?

  Leave it alone.

• 1:02:57Jason Bateman?

  Is there anyone in the office with you, Will?

• 1:02:59Will Arnett?

  Yeah, there are three hundred people here. Yeah, oh yeah.

• 1:03:02Jason Bateman?

  Mm-hmm. What are they doing? Counting paper clips?

• 1:03:05Will Arnett?

  They're working, man. They're working away. We got Twisted Metal, Season Two, coming out this summer on Peacock.

• 1:03:13Jason Bateman?

  Oh, look at that. Give it a plug.

• 1:03:14Will Arnett?

  Well, you asked.

• 1:03:15Jason Bateman?

  This is a behind-the-scenes tour, Hard Rock Tour.

• 1:03:20Will Arnett?

  Super Team Canada. We got Super Team Canada coming out. That's already out. That's an animated show. Check it out. It's fantastic. We also have our new doc that just got released. Sexiest Man in Winnipeg. Listen, we got a lot of things going on, okay?

• 1:03:35Jason Bateman?

  Sure, sure, sure, sure. Yeah. So Sexiest Man in Winnipeg, that's about a doctor? He just got out of prison?

• 1:03:43Will Arnett?

  Do you want to know? The truth is, it's about a guy who was a sports reporter.

• 1:03:47Jason Bateman?

  Anytime you're ready, Sean. I can't find one. You can't come up with a buy? I had a whole list. Oh.

• 1:03:57Will Arnett?

  It's The Sexiest Man in Winnipeg. And it's about a guy who's a sports reporter who started robbing banks. True story.

• 1:04:04Jason Bateman?

  Well, it sounds like a lot of stories going on. It sounds like you're taking one and another one and you're coming...

• 1:04:09Will Arnett?

  Buying them! I'll allow it just to make the pain go away.

• 1:04:23Speaker 05

  Smartless.

• 1:04:28Speaker 05

  Smartless is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Michael Grant Terry, Rob Armjarv, and Bennett Barbaco.

• 1:04:40Speaker 05

  Smartless.

• 1:04:44Speaker 05

  Tonight on NBC, the wait is over for St. Dennis Medical. Strap in. The comedy about doctors.

• 1:04:51Speaker 04

  Woo, let's get it!

• 1:04:53Speaker 05

  Without boundaries.

• 1:04:54Speaker 04

  Healthcare is a fun, fulfilling, exciting career.

• 1:04:57Sean Hayes?

  Is it because you're getting sued and puked on all the time?

• 1:04:59Speaker 05

  And they're back for another dose.

• 1:05:02Speaker 04

  I want to show you the secret sauce of St. Dennis: the staff. This place is hell. Literal hell. Well, that's enough secret sauce.

• 1:05:10Speaker 05

  All-new St. Dennis Medical, tonight on NBC.

• 1:05:15Sean Hayes?

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