"Kareem Rahma"

“How about medallions?” It’s Kareem Rahma. NYC stuff & the stuff of life… like sidewalk traffic, hang-out kids, and rickshaw guys. “Everybody get your own dessert,” on an all-new SmartLess. Hundo-P.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Sean Hayes?

  This episode of Smartless is sponsored by Google Book. So the other day, I wanted to make invitations for my dog Ricky's birthday party. And I've got three things open on my laptop. An adorable photo of Ricky, a picture of a birthday cake, and the RSVP details. Thing is, as much as I look like one, I'm not a canine birthday party invitation designer. That's where Google Book comes in. It's a whole new kind of laptop with a feature called Magic Pointer. I just click the photos and different elements on my screen, and boom, Magic Pointer designs a customized birthday party invitation for Ricky. Click anything on your screen to create whatever you want. Visit googlebook.com. Available to 18-plus users.

• 0:44Sean Hayes?

  Compatibility and availability vary.

• 0:49Sean Hayes?

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• 1:25Sean Hayes?

  Sitting in traffic, huh? Watching an old lady with a walker make it further up the road than you have in the last 15 minutes. And of course, your gas tank is in the perfect spot between not a problem to stranded on the highway. Hit your booking point? Book with Southwest and enter airplane mode. Experience award-winning reliability, fly with the best crew in the sky, and never worry about change or cancellation fees. Now tell that old lady to slow down. Kids live around here. Southwest Airlines, enter airplane mode.

• 2:05Sean Hayes?

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• 2:49Jason Bateman?

  Hello, listener. My name is Jason. I am one-third of the machine you have tuned in to listen to. Speaking of machinery, those two tools are on their way in. Sit tight, turn it up. Here it comes. Welcome to Smartless.

• 3:26Sean Hayes?

  Hey, guys, guess what? What is it? What's up? There's our live episodes out now on YouTube with Jonah Hill from the Avalon. Our live episode. How do you find it? It's at youtube/smartless, is that right?

• 3:37Jason Bateman?

  Say it again, I wasn't writing.

• 3:39Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, it's at youtube.com/smartless.

• 3:42Jason Bateman?

  Huh huh.

• 3:43Sean Hayes?

  And you can watch it, and it's a live show at the Avalon with Jonah Hill.

• 3:46Jason Bateman?

  So you can see us instead of hear us?

• 3:47Sean Hayes?

  This is correct.

• 3:48Jason Bateman?

  All right, well, thanks for the housekeeping there. Anyway, let's get back to things.

• 3:52Sean Hayes?

  By the way, what do you guys think of my shirt? I do notice you're wearing a NASA hat today. Are you, are you feeling excited about the Artemis? Isn't that wild? Let's talk about that.

• 4:03Jason Bateman?

  Why is everybody freaking out about that? We've been going like, traveling to Mars and shit.

• 4:09Will Arnett?

  No.

• 4:10Jason Bateman?

  Well, but like, we, we did the, we did the moon loop, did the moon landing in sixty-eight-nine, something like that? They're not even landing on the moon. They're just gonna kinda do a little lasso around it.

• 4:22Sean Hayes?

  They're pussies.

• 4:23Jason Bateman?

  But it's just like, why is everyone like, oh god.

• 4:26Sean Hayes?

  No, I think it's amazing what they're doing. They're, they're, they're slingshotting.

• 4:30Will Arnett?

  By the way, I'm just saying like, help me understand the extent of it.

• 4:33Sean Hayes?

  Well, because it's, it's the farthest anybody's been ever. Is that right?

• 4:37Will Arnett?

  I think so. I think it's the farthest humans, yeah, from Earth.

• 4:41Sean Hayes?

  From Earth, yeah.

• 4:41Jason Bateman?

  Because we're traveling around the backside of it as opposed to landing on the front of it?

• 4:45Sean Hayes?

  That's correct, yeah.

• 4:46Jason Bateman?

  Well, that seems like they're reaching for a record there, you know?

• 4:50Sean Hayes?

  That's like, that's like not going to Jason's house, but just stopping at Will's house.

• 4:54Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, I mean, I just don't know if that's something.

• 4:56Will Arnett?

  It feels like the equivalent of Oscar bait.

• 4:59Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 5:03Jason Bateman?

  What if they did, what, how about this? What if they do one loop, right, so they qualify for first, and then when they come back around, fucking land the thing? Like, you know, and like drive the buggy around again and hit another golf shot. That'll be really sensational.

• 5:16Will Arnett?

  I'm gonna try to get you an email address so you can send this in. I'm sure that...

• 5:21Jason Bateman?

  They're looking for ideas over there, right?

• 5:23Will Arnett?

  Of course.

• 5:23Sean Hayes?

  Wait, Jay, but I think they're, I think the idea is to collect more information so that the next one they can land on the moon, like...

• 5:30Jason Bateman?

  Again?

• 5:30Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, I think.

• 5:33Jason Bateman?

  What about if they put like, build like a little treehouse on it or something like that?

• 5:37Sean Hayes?

  Well, I think they're, they're talking about that. Yeah, they're talking about like colonizing a little tiny thing so that you can launch from there to Mars.

• 5:43Jason Bateman?

  Would you ever sign, if you, would you ever do one of these rocket launches? Like, like, what's his face that the Amazon did?

• 5:51Sean Hayes?

  Jeff Bezos.

• 5:52Jason Bateman?

  Right, he sent some people up. Would you ever do that?

• 5:54Sean Hayes?

  I would, yeah.

• 5:55Jason Bateman?

  Really?

• 5:56Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, absolutely. Wouldn't you?

• 5:57Jason Bateman?

  Willie?

• 5:59Will Arnett?

  I think, I think I probably would.

• 6:01Sean Hayes?

  Wouldn't that be cool?

• 6:01Jason Bateman?

  You wouldn't put us out like a day before and go, well, hang on.

• 6:05Will Arnett?

  I wouldn't pay for it. I never pay for it.

• 6:10Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, well, nobody paid for it. Did those people pay for it?

• 6:13Jason Bateman?

  Only in dignity.

• 6:14Will Arnett?

  On the Bezos ones, yeah.

• 6:15Sean Hayes?

  Only in dignity.

• 6:16Will Arnett?

  The Bezos people, they pay, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like 250 grand or some shit to go.

• 6:22Sean Hayes?

  Really? Oh, my God. That's crazy money.

• 6:25Jason Bateman?

  You can go up and like leave the, leave the atmosphere and come back down.

• 6:29Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, to feel weightlessness. Wouldn't that be fun to feel like?

• 6:33Jason Bateman?

  Well, I'd love to get Neil deGrasse Tyson back on just to finish up that answer he was forming for me. And then.

• 6:40Will Arnett?

  I think it's all, I think it's all pretty cool.

• 6:42Sean Hayes?

  I think it's really cool.

• 6:43Will Arnett?

  I mean, I'm not obsessed with it, but I think it's pretty damn cool.

• 6:46Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, they had some toilet problems on the Artemis, too. Did you read that?

• 6:49Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 6:50Jason Bateman?

  Yes. I had a toilet problem this morning. Let me tell you something.

• 6:54Will Arnett?

  Jason, you know, Jason, you could never go because they don't have a shower.

• 6:59Jason Bateman?

  Tremendous toilet.

• 6:59Will Arnett?

  Because they don't have a shower next to the toilet up there, so you'd never be able to go.

• 7:03Jason Bateman?

  You can't shower immediately after a BM.

• 7:05Will Arnett?

  No.

• 7:06Jason Bateman?

  Well, I'm out.

• 7:07Will Arnett?

  Yeah, of course you're out.

• 7:08Jason Bateman?

  I gotta feel fresh, you guys.

• 7:10Sean Hayes?

  As I explore the universe.

• 7:12Jason Bateman?

  Can, can you use a flushable wipe up there since there's no flushing?

• 7:15Sean Hayes?

  I bet. I bet.

• 7:18Jason Bateman?

  I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

• 7:20Sean Hayes?

  Though, but I've been watching that new documentary, The Bob Lazar S4 thing.

• 7:25Jason Bateman?

  No, what's that? I like a new documentary.

• 7:27Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, so you gotta see it. Bob Lazar, you know Bob Lazar? Who worked at Area 51 and has been talking about it for decades. And nobody believes him and he's like, I keep, he has drawings, he has memories, he has, it's fascinating. And, and he, he.

• 7:41Jason Bateman?

  What's it called?

• 7:43Sean Hayes?

  It's called.

• 7:44Jason Bateman?

  Never mind. We'll look up that.

• 7:45Sean Hayes?

  It's called S4, The Bob Lazar Story.

• 7:47Will Arnett?

  Okay.

• 7:48Sean Hayes?

  So, oh, go ahead, sorry.

• 7:50Will Arnett?

  No, keep going. I'm saying so.

• 7:51Sean Hayes?

  You're prompting you. So, yeah, so, so the, um, he went into, he used to work there. I know, I'm hurrying. He went into, he used to work there and there was this long hanger of, of, like, of, of different sections with different parts of alien spacecraft.

• 8:08Jason Bateman?

  I like getting involved.

• 8:09Sean Hayes?

  I mean, I'm sweating, literally sweating.

• 8:14Jason Bateman?

  So there's a long hanger.

• 8:15Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, no, there's a hanger with different sections and each section has different parts of alien spacecraft that they've collected over the years.

• 8:21Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, that's exactly, yeah, that, that doc we were talking about, I don't know if we were talking about it on the podcast or away, but the age of disclosure. You know, James Clapper and John Brennan, they're talking about, like, yeah, we have been doing crash site recovery for years.

• 8:35Sean Hayes?

  Yes, forever. And Bob Lazar's been talking about it way before they have.

• 8:38Jason Bateman?

  And, and, and I said, well, to myself, self, why don't we know about all this in a much more mainstream way? And the answer is, is simply, it would be too unsettling and disruptive to society.

• 8:50Sean Hayes?

  I think now it's slowly coming, I think now it's slowly coming out because I think we can handle it now.

• 8:55Jason Bateman?

  Do you think we're helping by having like little conversations like this on the podcast?

• 8:59Sean Hayes?

  Absolutely.

• 8:59Will Arnett?

  This is, this is having a major impact.

• 9:02Jason Bateman?

  Conditioning the public?

• 9:03Will Arnett?

  This is, this is helping turn the tide for sure.

• 9:06Jason Bateman?

  Were it not for us holding their hand into something unsettling, they'd be...

• 9:09Sean Hayes?

  People would be shocked.

• 9:10Will Arnett?

  Us just having this sort of really loose anecdotal conversation where we can't even remember the names of the goddamn documentaries is having a real effect.

• 9:21Sean Hayes?

  And not even know that Mission of Artemis 2.

• 9:23Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 9:24Will Arnett?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 9:26Jason Bateman?

  Well, you know, listen, um, uh, this is all good stuff. Talk about a segue. I, I think this fella might have a nice perspective for us on this. Now, this is today, it brings us a voice of the current, the relevant, the forward and the fresh, okay? This comedian, artist and media entrepreneur was born in Egypt, lives in New York, spends his time delivering us one of the most viewed and talked about online interview shows around. His work has gathered billions of views, achieved acclaim from New York Times, GQ, New Yorker, Vanity Fair, as well as receiving multiple Webby nominations. Please welcome, not a fancy schmancy triple A-list celebrity type, you two, no, no, this

• 10:11Jason Bateman?

  is a man of the people, a voice of the happening, a guy with some helpful hot takes, the host of Subway Takes, Mr. Kareem Rahma. Please, hello.

• 10:23Speaker 03

  Aliens are real and truth is out there.

• 10:26Jason Bateman?

  Right? Do you, do you, do you think there's, there's a chance this is, um, this is a real thing?

• 10:33Speaker 03

  That we're going to the moon?

• 10:34Jason Bateman?

  No, that we're gonna, we're gonna do a lap. That part's true. We're in mid lap right now.

• 10:40Speaker 03

  No, I mean that, that like we're go, like that we're, that the rocket's even in space? Who knows if it's even in space?

• 10:45Jason Bateman?

  Oh, let's go all the way back there.

• 10:47Sean Hayes?

  What do you mean?

• 10:47Will Arnett?

  Wait, Kareem, what are you saying?

• 10:48Jason Bateman?

  Do you think that maybe we filmed the landing on the moon in a soundstage?

• 10:53Speaker 03

  I, look, I am not a scientist, but I thought, I saw that the, the curve of the rocket, like when it was going in space, kind of looks like it's not going up, it's going into the ocean. I'm just saying, I saw one video about this.

• 11:08Jason Bateman?

  If the arc continued, it's, it's gonna plummet.

• 11:11Speaker 03

  It's just gonna go into the ocean.

• 11:12Jason Bateman?

  No, no, no.

• 11:13Will Arnett?

  A short, a short social media video is all I need.

• 11:18Jason Bateman?

  I think, I think, I think that arc is to offset the rotation of the earth.

• 11:23Sean Hayes?

  That's right. It looks like it's going straight up, but it's not. It's going against, it's going with the curve of the earth.

• 11:29Speaker 03

  But the earth is flat, so that makes no sense.

• 11:31Jason Bateman?

  Okay, thank you for joining us.

• 11:36Speaker 03

  I'll see you guys there. No, I don't believe it. Disclaimer, I don't believe any of that. I believe in the real world is round.

• 11:42Jason Bateman?

  So you, you don't think there's any possibility that there is, uh, life outside, uh, earth? Or, or sort of intelligent, uh, uh, beings? Um, and that, that perhaps they may have crashed on this earth a couple of times and that the government, um, is aware?

• 11:58Speaker 03

  No, I fully believe that. I, I had, I've had extraterrestrial experiences. I'm surprised none of you guys have.

• 12:03Jason Bateman?

  Welcome back to our episode.

• 12:07Speaker 03

  No, you guys haven't had extraterrestrial experiences?

• 12:10Will Arnett?

  Well, we, we, you know, no comment. Let's hear, what, what, tell, tell us yours first.

• 12:15Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, you first.

• 12:16Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 12:17Speaker 03

  Now, see, now it sounds fake, but I saw an alien in the bushes. When I was a kid, like probably like 12 and... And I just saw it and that and it just looked at me and it said the word zone is Z O N E. And that kind of just like said that like a couple of times and then I just ran away.

• 12:32Jason Bateman?

  Was it the classic almond shaped eye and head teardrop head kind of thing?

• 12:37Speaker 03

  It was similar to that, but not as exaggerated. It was more like it looked like it just kind of looked like a weird looking. Maybe it was a weird looking guy.

• 12:46Jason Bateman?

  Yeah. Yeah, it might have just been a neighbor. Was he small?

• 12:49Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was small. It was a small weird looking guy, but he was kind of green and and big huge eyes. I mean, it looked like an alien that you think about.

• 12:57Will Arnett?

  And when the way he said that, do you feel like he was telling you like, like, get in the zone, like lock in? Like it was encouragement, like, hey, man, get in the zone.

• 13:05Jason Bateman?

  Study harder in school and. Yeah. Now, all right, so then all half joking aside and all that, um, you, would you be, would you be surprised if there was a mainstream? Uh, declaration from from the government that we have, in fact, we can, we can confirm that this is a more than a possibility and kind of get ready for this. Multi-year kind of trickle rollout information to to really make this legitimate and substantial. Like, like they're here.

• 13:39Speaker 03

  I think the impact on society, I think it would destroy society. I think more so than like anything else, because I think religion. Like.

• 13:49Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, no, it would be gone. Science would be gone. Yeah.

• 13:52Speaker 03

  Everything would just.

• 13:53Jason Bateman?

  But, but like, what, what about what, somebody said last night that, you know, there's a, what if there's a, there's a possibility, let's say, that there's a, there's a group of wise men there in the government that is trying to figure out the best responsible way in which to condition the public. To this inevitable reveal and that, you know, Steven Spielberg's next movie, it's coming out this, the end of this year is called Disclosure. Like, it's going to be an enormous film and it is about, from what I can gather from the trailer, the, the public finally being told.

• 14:27Speaker 03

  And it's probably funded by the CIA. I'm not even kidding.

• 14:30Jason Bateman?

  And, and, and I'm saying maybe this group was, they, they pulled Spielberg in. And said, hey, listen, could you help us out with, could you cover the pop culture end of these, of this? And just start to-

• 14:40Will Arnett?

  Yeah, we need, we need you to, to feed, like, give the pablum to the people so that they can kind of-

• 14:46Jason Bateman?

  They're not so ambushed when it, when it comes out and it's, uh-

• 14:49Sean Hayes?

  I think people, no matter what the news is, they'll just keep scrolling. I mean, there could be aliens among us right now, they'll just keep scrolling. I think that's the condition, you know?

• 14:58Jason Bateman?

  You don't think it's gonna, it won't jar them out of it and they'll think, eh, that's probably not real?

• 15:02Sean Hayes?

  I don't think so.

• 15:03Speaker 03

  No, I think people will like seek out alien porn and like, they'll, they'll do like, we, like, it'll be more-

• 15:09Will Arnett?

  Porn is always on the cutting edge of everything. They're always, they're always first on everything. I mean, even, even engagement with, with, uh, with, you know, ghosts and stuff, it's always porn.

• 15:19Speaker 03

  It is always, porn's always first, but I think that, that this movie is probably crazy timing and like, and the, and the launch. Like, I do think the CIA is, I sound so insane. I probably sound like the most insane guest you've ever had.

• 15:32Jason Bateman?

  No, no, no.

• 15:33Speaker 03

  Okay, good, okay, good, okay.

• 15:35Jason Bateman?

  They haven't, we haven't aired those, but, um-

• 15:38Speaker 03

  But I think that the, the CIA has been known to use like, movies to like, promote like, oh, we're going to war- in the Middle East, yeah.

• 15:48Will Arnett?

  By the way, they would always do, you know, the government would, would make films, they would decide what kinds of films should be made at times of war, second world war. Yeah, and, and to sort of, you know, garner support and get people, lift people's spirits and get them feeling patriotic and that's not new.

• 16:04Jason Bateman?

  Mm-hmm, alright, so, um, mister, where, where, where, where to begin?

• 16:09Will Arnett?

  What do you mean, where to begin?

• 16:11Jason Bateman?

  I mean-

• 16:13Will Arnett?

  What kind of statement is that? I mean, we've got, we went, how do we claw back?

• 16:18Jason Bateman?

  You're, let, start, start us, take us, walk us towards, well, you know, you're now sort of this, uh, you know, one of these forward voices in pop culture today, um, how did it all kind of start? Did you, was this a goal? Like, you started in, uh, Minneapolis, yes?

• 16:37Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 16:37Jason Bateman?

  Um, you got a journalism degree, maybe? Yes?

• 16:42Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm, yeah.

• 16:43Jason Bateman?

  And then, uh, business degree?

• 16:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, that was a failure, I didn't finish that.

• 16:49Jason Bateman?

  Um, and then you travel out to New York in pursuit of-

• 16:56Speaker 03

  Just not living in the small town. It was really a classic. And it was kind of like a, like, let me go out east and like, strike it, like, strike gold in the same way that, you know, there's a Silicon Valley rush and the gold rush. I was like, oh, I'm gonna go to New York, I'm gonna get rich and famous. And that was a long time, that was 15 years ago, so.

• 17:15Jason Bateman?

  Any industry you had focused on, or is just like, that, that town has a lot of different ones, we'll see what hits?

• 17:20Speaker 03

  At, at the time, I was very much into, like, entrepreneurship in this, like, the social network had just come out. I was like, oh, like, that's like, that's like, that was cool. Remember for a while, that was really cool. It was really cool to be like, a tech founder. And I was like, oh, that's the way you do it. And all these young people were like, making so much money. And I was like, oh, I think I should be a tech guy.

• 17:48Jason Bateman?

  Right, take technology, use your creativity, your insight, your savviness, and see where the two could intersect. Yeah, well, the.

• 17:56Will Arnett?

  But really, the ultimate goal was to strike it rich.

• 17:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was, it was definitely in pursuit of, yeah, yeah, I was like, I was like.

• 18:05Speaker 03

  And I did the opposite, I did the exact opposite, because I got a job at Vice. And Vice pays you, it's like, they get three, they get a three for one deal. So they get like, three 25-year-old kids.

• 18:17Will Arnett?

  They pay you in cocaine, is that what you were gonna say?

• 18:19Speaker 03

  They do, they actually do. At least holiday bonuses are paid in cocaine. I remember Christmas, it was like, here's a bag of blow. And I was like, oh, cool, this is so cool. This is so interesting, but I, could I pay my rent with blow?

• 18:37Jason Bateman?

  So you're at Vice and you're doing marketing stuff with them, maybe, yeah?

• 18:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm doing like, content development and marketing and kind of like, launching new shows and, and I was never the talent, but I wanted to be the talent.

• 18:50Will Arnett?

  Were you working with, with like, with like Shane and Eddie and all those guys?

• 18:54Speaker 03

  Yeah, and at the time, it was like 75 people, so we were all in the same room. And I was listening to them on the phone, and I'm like, whoa, this is so cool. Like, it really was like getting, that was a real MBA in business. Because I'm like, sitting in this room with Shane and Eddie and, and Sarush and all these guys, and like, listening to them.

• 19:11Will Arnett?

  I love Sarush.

• 19:12Speaker 03

  He's awesome. He's such a good guy. Like, I just saw him the other day.

• 19:14Will Arnett?

  He's the greatest guy.

• 19:16Speaker 03

  He's so cool.

• 19:17Will Arnett?

  He's so cool.

• 19:17Jason Bateman?

  Well, from a marketing standpoint and also a content thing, I mean, that was such an exciting company and hearing about it, seeing it coming and getting on board and kind of following it was, you guys did a great job at that.

• 19:31Speaker 03

  It was really cool. It was really cool. And it felt like we were doing something like it was like...

• 19:35Will Arnett?

  And Spike was around a bunch there too, wasn't he?

• 19:37Speaker 03

  Yeah, he was, yup. He was like the executive creative director, which meant that he just, you know, got to say that. And I, he would hang out. Like, he was just like, that, which is, I was like, that's such a cool job to...

• 19:48Jason Bateman?

  David Cross was kicking around a little bit too, wasn't he?

• 19:51Will Arnett?

  That was early, that was early days. He wasn't there at that point.

• 19:53Speaker 03

  I think that was earlier. No, I was there in 2012.

• 19:56Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 19:57Jason Bateman?

  And then, and from there, you go to the New York Times?

• 20:01Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 20:01Jason Bateman?

  Yeah?

• 20:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 20:02Jason Bateman?

  And for them, you did what?

• 20:04Will Arnett?

  Less coke, I bet.

• 20:05Speaker 03

  I did the same thing. A lot less coke. A lot, a lot less coke. It was kind of like, that's why I quit.

• 20:13Speaker 03

  The Times was like, we just pay money. And I was like, mm.

• 20:15Will Arnett?

  You're like, wait.

• 20:17Speaker 03

  Money can't buy coke.

• 20:18Will Arnett?

  It's Christmas and I haven't seen my blow yet. Did I not perform this year?

• 20:24Speaker 03

  Emailing the editor in chief. I'm like, hey dude, I'm gonna quit unless I get like a little bonus here.

• 20:30Jason Bateman?

  So what were you doing for, what'd you do for New York Times?

• 20:32Speaker 03

  I was doing the same thing. I like helped start Times Video, which now makes film and television and kind of the podcasting and all that stuff. So I was like laying the groundwork for all that. And, and it was really cool. But then I, I did, so this is like, I think I was like in New York for like maybe seven or eight years. And at that point, I was like, okay, I know enough people, I have enough information and knowledge and like maybe some access to money that I can actually go start my thing. Like my media, my own media company. And that was a massive failure. But I did do that for a couple of years.

• 21:05Jason Bateman?

  What was that first swing and miss?

• 21:07Speaker 03

  It was, well, there was like a couple in a row, but it was.

• 21:10Jason Bateman?

  It was a long at bat.

• 21:12Speaker 03

  There was a, yeah, it was, there was like, it was three strikes. Those three strikes and then I was out and that's when I was like, maybe I'm not so good at being like a CEO or an entrepreneur and maybe I should just be like, do what I'm good at, which it seems like hanging out, like I'm really good at hanging out and like, you know, podcasting is just really, you guys are just hangout guys.

• 21:32Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, just interviewing and having conversations.

• 21:33Will Arnett?

  We're hanging out kids, for sure.

• 21:35Speaker 03

  Yeah, so, so I was like, maybe I should try my hand at that, but the, the first swing and a miss was something called NYC.tv and the idea was to do public access television on the internet.

• 21:45Jason Bateman?

  Right.

• 21:45Speaker 03

  Which I was like, that's a clever little something, something.

• 21:48Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 21:49Speaker 03

  Um, and it just didn't work. And then I shifted that into something called Nameless Network, which, which was like, do you remember like Now This News, like these, they're, they're kind of like made like thousands of viral videos every month that would be like, this guy is selling yams in Japan on a street corner dressed as a cat. You never saw like videos?

• 22:12Jason Bateman?

  No.

• 22:13Speaker 03

  They were like short, like two minute videos and it would just be like big text on a screen and it would be like, this school in Turkey is offering free haircuts to young people.

• 22:23Will Arnett?

  So just like, I mean, real attention grabbers.

• 22:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:26Will Arnett?

  I mean, stuff that's really mattering to people. Yams in Japan, haircuts in Turkey. I mean, and you're telling me that this did not take off?

• 22:38Sean Hayes?

  And we will be right back.

• 22:42Sean Hayes?

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• 23:27Sean Hayes?

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• 23:40Sean Hayes?

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• 24:25Sean Hayes?

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• 24:53Sean Hayes?

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• 25:27Jason Bateman?

  So I don't have to do that and it cuts down the wait time. And also it's such a great snack. I mean, like if I come home from the gym, I use it as an excuse for a protein fix. So the next time you're heading out the door, just grab one from your fridge, tear open that wrapper and enjoy. Even the most smartless among us can satisfy their Uncrustables craving right when they want.

• 25:52Jason Bateman?

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• 26:33Jason Bateman?

  And now back to the show.

• 26:37Jason Bateman?

  So then a few swings and misses and then, and then you say, well, maybe I should just grab a camera and a microphone, get in front of it and start doing what comes natural, which is just kind of being a man of the people and, and, and see what, see what comes. So what was that? What was that first thing that kind of grabbed and you could feel the momentum moving? And this, this, this may be working.

• 27:00Speaker 03

  The, the first big hit was a show that I created. And this is a time when there was like no shows, like there was no short form, unscripted, vertical video shows. And I say that, and, and it was just like, everyone was making content, but there was no like show in, in this thing. And I, but I decided to make a show and I was like, why isn't there just a TV show that's distributed on Tik Tok and Instagram? And it was called Keep the Meter Running. And it was this concept where I would hail a cab and just tell the driver to take me wherever they want. And it was always insane. Like it would just be so crazy. Like one time I hailed a cab.

• 27:36Jason Bateman?

  The taxi driver. Has it flipped on on him or her where they're not being told where to go by the person in the back? But you get to take me, the passenger, wherever you driver want to go. And just keep the meter running and tell me about why you like this place. Yeah?

• 27:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, I would just go take me to your favorite place and keep the meter running and and I would end up like one time I ended up like in New Jersey on a helicopter with this guy from Morocco and he was literally just and then drive and drink and drive and really?

• 28:06Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 28:07Speaker 03

  Wow. Uh, but yeah, he had a pint of Malibu, which I thought was an interesting choice.

• 28:11Jason Bateman?

  That is a good choice. The white bottle, it's smooth. Sure.

• 28:15Will Arnett?

  So you do that. So you do the keep the meter running for a while.

• 28:20Speaker 03

  Yeah, I do like 20 episodes.

• 28:22Jason Bateman?

  And still still going?

• 28:23Speaker 03

  Yes, and now it's back.

• 28:24Will Arnett?

  The meter's still running on this?

• 28:25Speaker 03

  The the meter, well, I had to stop because at the time it was my first thing and I was a massive failure, remember? And I had no money and those episodes were obviously when you tell a guy, keep the meter running and he goes, let's go on a helicopter ride in New Jersey. By the end of the day, you've spent literally $2,000.

• 28:40Will Arnett?

  Sure.

• 28:40Jason Bateman?

  Right, yeah, yeah.

• 28:41Speaker 03

  And and so I could only do, I spent all of my money.

• 28:44Jason Bateman?

  Oh, my God.

• 28:45Speaker 03

  And then I was like, I have to put this on pause. And then I was like, and and now it's back, except bigger. Now it's like YouTube, it's like 20 minute episodes.

• 28:52Jason Bateman?

  Sure.

• 28:53Will Arnett?

  Right.

• 28:53Speaker 03

  It's crazy now.

• 28:54Jason Bateman?

  I'm so surprised. How how do you get them to? Because I know a lot of cab drivers that I when I the cabs I get in.

• 29:01Will Arnett?

  Oh, do you, Sean? You know a lot of cab drivers.

• 29:03Jason Bateman?

  They don't, no, they

• 29:05Jason Bateman?

  they don't want to talk.

• 29:07Speaker 03

  What?

• 29:07Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, they don't want to.

• 29:09Speaker 03

  What? They all want to talk.

• 29:11Jason Bateman?

  Just not to Sean.

• 29:13Sean Hayes?

  Oh, all right.

• 29:13Speaker 03

  Sean, what do you mean?

• 29:14Sean Hayes?

  Well, maybe I don't. Maybe I don't.

• 29:15Jason Bateman?

  They're usually on the phone and and they want to just keep their conversation going on their phone.

• 29:18Sean Hayes?

  I just assume they want, I just assume they don't want to chat.

• 29:21Speaker 03

  Oh, they love, you can't tell them to stop talking.

• 29:24Jason Bateman?

  Especially when you got the camera going, right? They hang up. Yeah.

• 29:26Speaker 03

  It just maybe just bring up like, just just be like, so how about, you know, like politics? Don't bring up medallions. Don't bring up.

• 29:36Will Arnett?

  No, I've just figured that's a real hot, hot topic.

• 29:39Jason Bateman?

  So, uh, so what was the first sign that people were watching, um, keep the meter running? How did you? How did you find out?

• 29:47Speaker 03

  Legitimately, the next day. So like I posted the video and I turned my phone off because I was like another failure. I was conditioned to just fail at that point. I was like.

• 29:54Jason Bateman?

  When you say post it, what what did you throw it up on?

• 29:56Speaker 03

  I put on TikTok and Instagram.

• 29:58Jason Bateman?

  Okay, uh, of which you you had already some followers, uh, just.

• 30:02Speaker 03

  Not a lot, like 30,000, you know, and and so. Enough to like.

• 30:08Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, for them to then send it out to their folks and that's how viral happens, right?

• 30:14Will Arnett?

  Oh, hang on a second. Walk us through that, JB.

• 30:17Jason Bateman?

  Granddad is just.

• 30:19Will Arnett?

  I can't wait to hear your understanding of how fucked this is.

• 30:22Jason Bateman?

  Isn't it an exponential dissemination of?

• 30:26Speaker 03

  I noticed you didn't say the al- you didn't say the word algorithm in that. You actually said that the friends.

• 30:31Jason Bateman?

  I say that for later.

• 30:32Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 30:33Will Arnett?

  That's his closer.

• 30:34Jason Bateman?

  It's such a great idea. So you put it, yeah, so you put it up and you turn off your phone, you turn on your phone later that night and?

• 30:42Speaker 03

  Well, I go to the bodega the next morning and at this point I just did, I turned my phone back on, but I didn't log. Like I didn't open the apps and I went to the bodega and the guy goes, oh, you look so familiar. And I go, I don't know, I'm a loser. I've been here a million times. Like I've literally been here. I look familiar because I see you every day.

• 30:58Jason Bateman?

  Right.

• 30:58Speaker 03

  And he goes, no, you look so familiar. And then he goes, taxi, you're the taxi guy. You did the show. And I was like, what? And I opened my phone and it has like two million views.

• 31:07Jason Bateman?

  No, wow, in a night.

• 31:09Speaker 03

  Yeah. And so many like hun- like thousands of comments. And I was like, holy shit, it actually worked. And it felt like that moment where I was like, I did something that for the first time ever, people responded to it and it was doing exactly what I thought I could do well, which is hang out. And I was like, oh my God, like maybe I'm, I'm finally found my thing.

• 31:31Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 31:31Speaker 03

  Yeah. You know, I called my mom. I was like, I know what I'm gonna do for a living. I'm just gonna hang out with other people.

• 31:36Jason Bateman?

  So you immediately tried to double down, triple down, have another episode, keep it going, right?

• 31:43Will Arnett?

  Bought a Ferrari that morning.

• 31:47Will Arnett?

  This is gonna pan out.

• 31:48Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 31:50Jason Bateman?

  What, what year now, you're, the, the, the new episode, the, the new season is premiering soon. It's the 19th, right?

• 31:58Speaker 03

  May 13th, whatever that is.

• 32:00Jason Bateman?

  May 13th, yes. I think that's in, I think this is the 11th today. I think it's in two days. Um, so what season is that?

• 32:07Speaker 03

  This is like the first official season of my, I'm bringing my thesis of making television and putting it on YouTube. But like, it's not a YouTube show because it is television quality production and television storytelling. And like we have, you know, I went to like the Russian Turkish bath house with a guy named Eugene and his friend Boris.

• 32:29Will Arnett?

  We'll get into that later. Let's talk about the show.

• 32:33Speaker 03

  That is the show.

• 32:34Will Arnett?

  Oh, oh, oh, sorry.

• 32:36Speaker 03

  And, um, you know, do that. I'm producing, I produced a play for an Irish cab driver named Irish John. That's not his name, but you know, I call him that. And he, and he goes, I have a one man show. And I go, what, what's this all about? So he takes me to his basement. He shows me this one man show. I go, cool. Let's put it on in a theater. So, you know, performing in front of 300 people, all self-produced, looks like a stand-up special. And, you know, go fishing with a Korean guy named Young in Bear Mountain, uh, and, and sketch. And it just, it's really remarkable. And, and the whole kind of through line of the show is like, how to be a better man, like how to be a better brother, how to be a better father,

• 33:18Speaker 03

  how to be a better friend. It's all, cause these guys have like the secret to the universe. In, you know, like you're driving for 12 hours a day. Your life is hard. You're sending money home or you're just supporting your family. And they like have this fatherly wisdom. I don't know if any of you guys lost your father early. I lost mine when I was 20. And I started like having these convos with these cab drivers because I felt like they had some advice for me.

• 33:44Sean Hayes?

  Right.

• 33:45Speaker 03

  You know, um, and I didn't have Will's number yet, so I couldn't call him. I couldn't call him for advice.

• 33:52Will Arnett?

  Sean didn't lose his dad. His dad got lost.

• 33:54Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 33:54Will Arnett?

  So.

• 33:56Sean Hayes?

  This is true.

• 33:57Will Arnett?

  So, so wow, that's, that's really remarkable, man. That's so cool.

• 34:00Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, that's really cool.

• 34:01Jason Bateman?

  And then, so then, uh, tell us about, uh, then Subway Takes happens, uh, you, you feel, you get, you get an idea for that? And you figure you can do it at the same time simultaneously?

• 34:13Speaker 03

  I had run out of the money because the other show was costing like $2,000 per episode. And so I was like, okay, this is, this whole like short form unscripted thing is like really working for me. What's like another version of that, which is less expensive? And again, like.

• 34:29Jason Bateman?

  Sorry, sorry. Let me just have you for one second. Educate me and our listener, cause this might, this might be fascinating. It certainly would be to me. How do you run out of money doing that show?

• 34:41Jason Bateman?

  Because I guess the question is, how do you monetize a show like that? So you put it up on Instagram and TikTok. How, how, how were you even thinking you could get paid for that? How does, how does a creator get paid for that? Can you advertise against those little short form?

• 34:56Will Arnett?

  Like the guy, he sees your first episode. It's got two million views overnight. Are you seeing that in real time in dollars coming to you?

• 35:05Speaker 03

  No, I'm seeing zero dollars. That's the problem.

• 35:07Jason Bateman?

  That's my question. How would you even hope to monetize that? How, how would you get paid for that?

• 35:12Speaker 03

  You, you would want like a brand to essentially say, I love what you're doing. Hey, do you want to pay? In every episode, do you want to use your Chase debit card or credit card?

• 35:22Jason Bateman?

  Right.

• 35:23Speaker 03

  To pay for the cabbies bill? Or do you want to, yeah, or do you want to communicate using WhatsApp exclusively? With like their families and your friends and blah, blah, blah. So you'd want someone to underwrite the series in the same way that like a streamer or a production company or a network would underwrite. It's, it's a brand funded entertainment, but like.

• 35:40Jason Bateman?

  So you were pursuing that and getting no bites? Or you just didn't know to do that yet?

• 35:43Speaker 03

  I didn't know to do that yet. And I also was like so overwhelmed and just kind of, I was in panic mode. Like, I don't know what to do with this, you know? I don't, and, and actually the first thing I did was like, I was like, okay, maybe this should be a TV show.

• 35:55Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 35:56Speaker 03

  Instead, and like I should get money from someone in Hollywood.

• 36:00Jason Bateman?

  Right.

• 36:00Speaker 03

  And, but that whole rigamarole.

• 36:03Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 36:03Speaker 03

  I went on like a wild goose chase with that. I was like, I don't, this is, yeah, it was taking too long. And in the meantime, I was like, let me start another thing while this is baking in the TV world. Let me start another thing to kind of like continue my work.

• 36:17Jason Bateman?

  What made you think that second thing would be something that you would be able to monetize? And get money out of?

• 36:23Speaker 03

  I didn't really think about that either. It was really more so like, like.

• 36:27Will Arnett?

  I'm really noticing a trend here.

• 36:29Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, this is.

• 36:31Will Arnett?

  You thought, you thought, I'm not making any money with this thing. This thing's costing me money. What I should do is interview Jason Bateman on the subway. Holding a MetroCard instead of a microphone.

• 36:43Jason Bateman?

  That'll do it.

• 36:44Speaker 03

  It worked. I'm here.

• 36:46Jason Bateman?

  It did.

• 36:46Will Arnett?

  I love JB. I loved your episode. I thought you were.

• 36:49Jason Bateman?

  Oh, man, I did too. What a fun time I had. You guys, if you guys have not seen Subway Takes, and I haven't seen Keep the Meter Running yet. I can't wait to watch that.

• 36:56Will Arnett?

  I know, me too.

• 36:56Speaker 03

  Oh, I need both of you guys on there.

• 36:58Jason Bateman?

  Tell people what Subway Takes, what the concept of that is.

• 37:01Speaker 03

  So Subway Takes is a, essentially like a two-minute talk show on the train where I interview, like, local stand-up comedians, regular comedians, musicians, writers, directors, like all, anyone who I find kind of interesting. And also, like, people like Jason Bateman.

• 37:18Will Arnett?

  Right, so then you, and then you had Jason on.

• 37:20Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 37:21Will Arnett?

  It must have.

• 37:23Jason Bateman?

  You can't appreciate the big ones unless you get a couple of, you know, clunkers.

• 37:27Speaker 03

  I found, I found him kind of interesting. I was just like, he's kind of interesting.

• 37:30Jason Bateman?

  Worked a miracle in the editing room.

• 37:32Speaker 03

  He's an interesting guy.

• 37:33Will Arnett?

  I'm curious about the, the details of your episode with JB. Well, okay, concept, but I really want to know, what station did you guys get in? Yeah, let's, what, what, what did you guys do? What train were you on and where'd you get?

• 37:46Jason Bateman?

  We were Lower East Side.

• 37:47Speaker 03

  Yes, we were in Chinatown on, on the F train at East Broadway.

• 37:51Will Arnett?

  Wow.

• 37:52Speaker 03

  Yes.

• 37:53Jason Bateman?

  I had to boil my entire body after that.

• 37:55Will Arnett?

  And you, Jason, you, I mean, what was, Jason, the look on your driver's face when you said, "Take me, take me there." What was it?

• 38:01Jason Bateman?

  He said, "Let you out here." I said, "No, no, no, hang on. Just keep the door closed for a minute."

• 38:07Speaker 03

  Jason, Jason brought an extra pair of pants and, and an extra shirt.

• 38:11Jason Bateman?

  And some plastic to sit on.

• 38:12Speaker 03

  He called it his train clothes. That's what he called his, train clothes. And he was wearing white latex gloves. And I was like, "Why are you wearing, why are you wearing those?"

• 38:20Jason Bateman?

  That sounds right. I love the train. I miss the metro card.

• 38:23Will Arnett?

  So you, so you go, you, you decide, all right.

• 38:27Jason Bateman?

  So, but the concept is, listener, is that he has somebody come on and just give one hot take on something.

• 38:35Speaker 03

  Right.

• 38:36Jason Bateman?

  And Kareem decides whether he's 100% on board with that or in opposition to that. For instance, my dumbass hot take was, "I think all dogs should wear shoes."

• 38:49Speaker 03

  100% agree.

• 38:50Jason Bateman?

  And he 100% agreed. But, but, but then, then the interview is, "Well, why do you agree? And why do I think they're...?" Basically, you know, I just think, you know, that, so that, you know, you don't want them to walk into your place and... Track in all the poo they like to walk around in.

• 39:04Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 39:04Jason Bateman?

  So anyway, but, but so that's, that's kind of the concept and it's, it's a, it's a two minute concept and it's pleasurable and we're popping around the city.

• 39:13Will Arnett?

  Do you think dogs, if dogs go to a play, they should go backstage?

• 39:20Will Arnett?

  And cue the artist. Sorry, we'll get to that later.

• 39:25Sean Hayes?

  But Kareem, can we do a hot take to you? Like, cause I, I just thought of this when you popped on about that show and I was like, doing Broadway shows, you know, those rickshaws that are super fucking loud?

• 39:37Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 39:38Sean Hayes?

  At night?

• 39:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 39:39Sean Hayes?

  Like, shouldn't there be a law against the sound, the sound of those?

• 39:43Speaker 03

  Hundred percent agree.

• 39:43Jason Bateman?

  Ceiling?

• 39:44Sean Hayes?

  Hundred percent agree.

• 39:45Speaker 03

  Yeah, there's too much noise pollution in New York City.

• 39:47Will Arnett?

  Oh Sean, is this our segment called Old Man Gripe? What are we doing?

• 39:51Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 39:52Will Arnett?

  And shouldn't those damn kids slow down in the neighborhood?

• 39:56Speaker 03

  No, he's right. It's too damn loud.

• 39:59Will Arnett?

  I agree.

• 39:59Sean Hayes?

  You're so synonymous with New York. I just thought, you know, what do you think about? Like, because I don't have, I don't have any skin in the game with Mamdani. Like, I don't, I don't know if he's good or bad or anything. I don't live, you know, I'm just here, part time working. But somebody complained that it's because of Mamdani that the snowbanks weren't clear. I'm like, there's no, when there's a blizzard, there's never, you can't clear all the snow.

• 40:19Jason Bateman?

  Yeah. Where do you want them to put it?

• 40:20Sean Hayes?

  Yeah.

• 40:21Speaker 03

  Well, you gotta, but being the mayor of New York is the worst job in, in America.

• 40:24Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 40:24Speaker 03

  Cause everyone's just mad at you no matter what you do.

• 40:26Sean Hayes?

  Right, for sure. For sure.

• 40:28Speaker 03

  It's a historical, big L. I would never do it, although I might.

• 40:32Jason Bateman?

  Have you ever had somebody that?

• 40:33Will Arnett?

  Uh oh.

• 40:34Jason Bateman?

  Have you ever had somebody?

• 40:34Will Arnett?

  Talk about breaking, fucking, uh, up in here.

• 40:38Speaker 03

  I would, I would only do it as a joke and then I would accidentally win, like, you know, who? Our boy.

• 40:42Will Arnett?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 40:43Speaker 03

  You know, be like, whoopsies, I'm the mayor now.

• 40:46Jason Bateman?

  Just trying to sell a book.

• 40:49Jason Bateman?

  What, uh, has anybody come on and not had a take and then you had to say, all right, well, I'll do one?

• 40:55Speaker 03

  Well, didn't you go through the vetting process, Jason?

• 40:58Jason Bateman?

  Yes. Yeah, yeah. I was, I was given a heads up and, but, you know, I'm a, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm a, I'm a professional. I came prepared.

• 41:05Speaker 03

  Should I see if I can pull up some of?

• 41:06Jason Bateman?

  Don't you have some of these people come on and just like, yeah, I couldn't think of anything?

• 41:10Speaker 03

  And then you had? Should I see if Jason Bateman had any other ones that we didn't use?

• 41:13Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 41:14Jason Bateman?

  Did I? Oh, did I pitch you some?

• 41:15Speaker 03

  I don't know. Let me check my emails. So this, they go to someone on my team.

• 41:19Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 41:19Speaker 03

  And, um, and then, and then I don't, there's like, somebody approves that they're good.

• 41:24Jason Bateman?

  Right.

• 41:24Speaker 03

  And, uh, and then, and then.

• 41:26Will Arnett?

  Like just some Gen Z kid?

• 41:29Speaker 03

  Yeah, pretty, literally, literally, young, young, young lads.

• 41:33Jason Bateman?

  Which, uh, what's the last one you disagreed with?

• 41:37Speaker 03

  Oh dude, I don't know. I don't know.

• 41:39Jason Bateman?

  You're doing one, what are you doing, one a week?

• 41:41Speaker 03

  No, we post one a day.

• 41:43Jason Bateman?

  No.

• 41:44Will Arnett?

  What?

• 41:44Speaker 03

  I post one a day. Yeah, it's mental.

• 41:46Jason Bateman?

  So then you're doing one a day to keep up with the output?

• 41:49Speaker 03

  No, I batch shoot, I shoot, I'll shoot like 10 in one day. And it's really a miserable day. It's an awful day. I'm like a real, I'm like a real working, you know, blue collar guy. I'm underground all day. I'm sweating, or it's too cold, or it's too hot, or the train's not working, or somebody's trying to stab me. I'm walking, yeah, it's really tough.

• 42:08Jason Bateman?

  Don't you find that, am I just an introvert?

• 42:10Will Arnett?

  Little lunch pail guy over here.

• 42:12Jason Bateman?

  Am I just an introvert that needs to refill my, my talk tank, um, a lot? Or, or does everybody go through sort of like a, a, a social exhaustion like, like me sometimes? Like, how do you, how do, how do you not run out of being, you know, chatty by doing 10 episodes in a day? How do you keep it going like that?

• 42:32Speaker 03

  Will's raising his hand.

• 42:34Will Arnett?

  Well, I've got a thought on this, which is, which is always, you know, when you go and you do interviews and stuff, doing what we do and you, you have to go on talk shows. And when I realized that I don't have stuff to talk about, it's because I haven't been out in the world. And so a lot of people we know, including us or whatever, spend these times in these, in, in this world. And we're not out in, in bubbles and you're not engaged in a real way. And about 50 years ago.

• 42:56Sean Hayes?

  So you don't create stories for yourself.

• 42:57Will Arnett?

  I would say like, I gotta like, I want to experience life and, and that, that's why I'm always on the move and doing shit. I swear to God, I know how boring that's.

• 43:06Jason Bateman?

  Fucking break. So you're out there walking around with your fucking hands tucked in your pockets, just like squinting around town.

• 43:12Will Arnett?

  One hand. How, how the fuck do you think I'm gonna smoke?

• 43:14Jason Bateman?

  Just soaking it all in. Hey, good morning, man. How you doing? Have a good day, huh?

• 43:18Will Arnett?

  No, I'm, I'm serious. I'm not saying that I'm a, I'm not saying that I'm like, I'm more down to earth or anything. What I'm saying is that I realize that you have to get out there. Sean and I have talked about this.

• 43:29Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 43:29Will Arnett?

  A number of times.

• 43:30Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 43:30Will Arnett?

  And, and Jason, you're a lost cause because you're at home or in the golf course. And so like, that's okay. How the fuck would you have anything to talk about?

• 43:38Jason Bateman?

  I could fill you in on what MS Now's new programming strategies are.

• 43:43Will Arnett?

  No, but it is true. I think that there is something to that, right? Just being engaged. I don't care who you are, just being engaged in the world.

• 43:49Jason Bateman?

  Having stuff to say. I get it.

• 43:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:51Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 43:51Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 43:52Jason Bateman?

  Is that true, Kareem? Is that your fuel?

• 43:55Speaker 03

  No, I mean, I'm having fun. Like, I really am having a lot of fun. I have such a fun job. Both of my jobs.

• 44:02Jason Bateman?

  You're great at it.

• 44:03Speaker 03

  Hanging out with cab drivers, hanging out with people like you guys. Like, it is the... I'm blessed as a person. Like, I have the best job in the world. And everything that I've done thus far has been totally independent. So I really have no notes, I have no development. I'm just doing the fun part of the job, which is the making of it. And that's all I do. And it's really amazing, and I have a lot of energy.

• 44:26Jason Bateman?

  That's how we feel. Amen. What would five years from now look like if it continued on this angle of success? What's your hope for where things go with this? Like, well, go ahead.

• 44:43Speaker 03

  I really don't know. I mean, I'm kind of just playing a bike here.

• 44:45Will Arnett?

  Orient Express.

• 44:48Will Arnett?

  Just upgrading the train line.

• 44:51Speaker 03

  Or gondolas, yachts. Do you know Leo DiCaprio's yacht? I could just have a permanent spot on there.

• 44:57Will Arnett?

  That would be pretty good.

• 44:58Speaker 03

  That could be fun.

• 44:59Jason Bateman?

  You just talked to him for 10 episodes.

• 45:01Speaker 03

  I could. Yeah, that would be... Well, no, I talked to his wonderful guests. So I'm sure you guys have been on his yacht?

• 45:07Will Arnett?

  Yeah, I have not. But like...

• 45:11Will Arnett?

  But I imagine, yeah, kind of going, Jay, what you were saying, which is like, you do have... I love that you did identify, and what you term as hanging out is actually engaging with people and talking.

• 45:20Jason Bateman?

  Yes, and being curious.

• 45:22Will Arnett?

  And that's what you like to do, and that's what you're good at, and you're curious. And you do have a point of view on a lot of stuff, which is great and interesting. And so I guess would the next... The evolution of that is taking that and going... And you talk to cab drivers and doing the thing, "Take me where you want to go," then talking to people in the subway? And then would it be kind of going broader, going around the world, engaging with people in different cultures? I mean, I imagine you'd be really good at that.

• 45:48Jason Bateman?

  All of us to other parts of the world and, and, and other cultures of people.

• 45:51Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, that's a great idea.

• 45:52Jason Bateman?

  We need that.

• 45:53Speaker 03

  Well, but you know, they, they keep the meter running feels like, like a Bourdain-esque, like people who said this reminds me of Bourdain and Subway takes from, it reminds a lot of people of a talk show like Fallon or Seth Meyers or whatever. So like, I kind of get to play in both worlds and that's really cool. We're doing a live show for Subway takes live, which is really fun and interesting to me.

• 46:13Jason Bateman?

  How would that work?

• 46:14Speaker 03

  People come and do what you did, except it's like, it's like the, the audience is giving the takes and then it's like a panel, like it would be us four on stage and people would walk up to a mic and say,

• 46:26Jason Bateman?

  Oh, that's cool.

• 46:27Speaker 03

  I think this, and then we would all go, no, you're, you're an idiot, blah, blah, blah, blah.

• 46:30Sean Hayes?

  That's a great idea, yeah.

• 46:31Jason Bateman?

  Have there ever been, have there been some dust ups there on the train? Cause I remember, you know, we were just, we were riding on, we didn't have a shooting permit or anything like that. We were just on the train. Cameras were rolling, a couple of cameras and these, you know, two guys holding these weird mics and talking and somebody might be recognizable. And, and you've ever had like a, a weird subway passenger like bother you and your guest?

• 46:56Speaker 03

  Not, not with anyone like, with anyone famous. It's been always, it's always a pleasure to see like Woody Harrelson was literally kind of took over the train car and he started interviewing other people and there were all these people like, and he was just surrounded by people and just putting this mic in their faces and asking them questions and really creating a circus like in the, in the car and everyone loved him.

• 47:21Sean Hayes?

  We'll be right back.

• 47:25Sean Hayes?

  All right. If you've been putting off car shopping because it sounds like a whole thing, buying your car online on AutoTrader makes it way easier, like almost easier than ordering your coffee easier. Really? You can shop tons of cars online, compare prices, check financing and trade in options, all from wherever you are. And if you want to start online and still go to the dealership for a test drive, you can do that too. Really? What's great is the flexibility. Start online, finish at the dealer, or the other way around. Your info stays with you. So you're not starting from scratch. Plus, you're working with local dealer listings, so there are real people behind the scenes. And when you're ready, you can pick it up or have it delivered. So whether you know exactly what you want

• 48:10Sean Hayes?

  or you're still scrolling, trying to figure it out, AutoTrader's got options that fit how you want to buy. Buy your car online on AutoTrader, really.

• 48:24Sean Hayes?

  Have you ever really wanted an Uncrustables sandwich, but then you realize you have to wait for it to thaw? So you start scheming all the ways to get to that pillowy soft bread as soon as possible. Maybe you stick them under your armpits, maybe? Or under like a pet, like a little furry incubator? Here's some good news for you guys. You can now keep Uncrustables in your fridge so they're ready to eat whenever that snack craving strikes. No more wait time. When I'd keep Uncrustables in my freezer, I'd pull them out and put them between my hands to warm them up real fast. But now they're in the fridge, so I don't have to do that. And it cuts down the wait time. And also, it's such a great snack. I mean, like, if I come home from the gym, I use it as an excuse for a protein fix. So the next time you're heading out the door,

• 49:09Sean Hayes?

  just grab one from your fridge, tear open that wrapper, and enjoy. Even the most smartless among us can satisfy their Uncrustables craving right when they want.

• 49:23Sean Hayes?

  Did you ever notice the best deals are just obvious? Like, hotels.com. "What do they do?" you may ask. Hotels on the internet. And a lot of them, like hundreds of thousands. I don't know why I just turned into Sean Hayes. Plus, if you join for free, you can save up to 20% instantly with member prices. And you earn rewards every time you book. So your next trip basically starts paying for itself. It's simple, and you get more out of every stay. Sign up for free and book today. Hotels.com. It's all in the name.

• 50:04Jason Bateman?

  All right, back to the show.

• 50:07Sean Hayes?

  The timing of that concept and you and doing all of this is really great because we're at an apex of like, people wanting to connect again.

• 50:17Jason Bateman?

  Exactly.

• 50:18Sean Hayes?

  And so it probably has a lot to do with that.

• 50:20Jason Bateman?

  And the lost art of conversation, too. I mean, everyone's kind of getting all their itches scratched, just online and with their own little devices.

• 50:29Will Arnett?

  In five-second increments.

• 50:30Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, they're not talking to people.

• 50:32Speaker 03

  And that's why I always think that the 100% agree, 100% disagree, like, there's no middle for me.

• 50:38Jason Bateman?

  Right.

• 50:39Speaker 03

  And it is really a kind of like an exploration of what it means to 100% disagree, but still have a funny, casual, engaging conversation. Like, I personally don't really have that many opinions. Like, I'm pretty mellow. But in the show, it's like, it's a challenge for me to be like, well, here's why I disagree. But it's kind of a showcase that you can, yeah, like, have fun doing this. But there was one funny thing, it was like a regular episode that I was filming, and there was a passenger on the train filming us film, which is completely fine, like, great. This other guy on the train slapped the phone out of that guy's hand, and then kicked it

• 51:23Speaker 03

  across the car, all the way to the other side. And then that guy that got his phone slapped out of his hand looks at me and he's like, "I'm so sorry, dude." And I'm like, "Why?" And he's like, "Your bouncer just kicked the phone out of my hand." And I was like, "That's not my bouncer! That's just a crazy guy that, for some reason, decided that you shouldn't film me." And there was like this confusion where everyone was kind of pointing at each other, like, "Whose bodyguard is that?" Or like, "Do you guys know each other?" No one knew each other. It was really funny and like confusing, but that's the closest call.

• 51:55Will Arnett?

  Did the guy who slapped it, did he ever explain his position as to why he did it?

• 51:59Speaker 03

  No, he would just yell something about like Jesus and walked away.

• 52:02Will Arnett?

  Oh, that makes sense. That tracks.

• 52:07Jason Bateman?

  So.

• 52:07Speaker 03

  Wait, but I wanted to ask Will, Will and Sean, what would your take? Like, if you were on the show and I said, what's your take? What would your take be? Well, we know Sean's, something about Rick Shaw's.

• 52:17Jason Bateman?

  Oh, yeah. Sean said the Rick Shaw. Yeah, yeah. Willie, what's, what's, what's?

• 52:22Sean Hayes?

  About New York?

• 52:23Speaker 03

  Like, no, no, like, I, one of my, one of mine is that I think that the dancing part of the wedding is the worst part. Like, it should just.

• 52:29Jason Bateman?

  I didn't even do it.

• 52:30Speaker 03

  It should be dinner.

• 52:31Jason Bateman?

  At my own wedding. I did, I didn't dance with my wife on our own wedding because I hate dancing so much.

• 52:37Will Arnett?

  I didn't know that. I don't know that. Is that true?

• 52:39Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, I, I, that's how much.

• 52:41Will Arnett?

  Jason, at that moment, it's not about you.

• 52:43Jason Bateman?

  I'm so uncomfortable dancing. I, I know it, but I just, I told her early on, I said, baby.

• 52:47Will Arnett?

  That is profoundly unkind.

• 52:48Jason Bateman?

  I, I, I, I know, but I just, I, I, I couldn't, I couldn't do it.

• 52:52Will Arnett?

  I'm calling Amanda, I'm calling Amanda today and I'm gonna take her out dancing.

• 52:56Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, go, go for it. I encourage you.

• 52:58Speaker 03

  Go for it.

• 52:59Jason Bateman?

  Please, I encourage it.

• 53:03Speaker 03

  That's so, that, that's, that's a hard line, like, but I was saying, not at your own wedding, Jason. I'm saying like.

• 53:09Jason Bateman?

  You're saying at any wedding.

• 53:10Speaker 03

  Like, it should just end at dinner. Like, you just go, have a great night, everyone, like, thanks for coming to the wedding.

• 53:15Jason Bateman?

  I 100% agree with that.

• 53:16Speaker 03

  And then it's always a forced thing. The DJ is like playing like Little John and the Eastside Boys from like 2002 and you're like dun, dun, dun, dun. And no one wants to be there. And, yeah, so that's like, or, or like I have another one, which is that I think, and this one I think will be problematic, but like, I don't like street art and graffiti. And I would rather just look at like nice, beautiful buildings.

• 53:39Will Arnett?

  Okay.

• 53:39Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, yeah, that's a good one.

• 53:40Speaker 03

  But a lot of people are gonna get mad at me for that.

• 53:42Jason Bateman?

  What, really? People are great defenders of graffiti?

• 53:46Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Street art, graffiti.

• 53:48Jason Bateman?

  Aside from the people that actually do it? You're saying people that just observe it are big fans of it?

• 53:54Speaker 03

  I think so. I think that there's a cohort of people that think that it's like, uh, it's nice, yeah.

• 53:59Jason Bateman?

  I, I, I enjoy it, yeah.

• 54:00Speaker 03

  See?

• 54:01Will Arnett?

  I have too, I have too many, but all of mine get me in trouble. All of mine are terrible. First of all, I think I should be deputized to be able to give out, uh, just to the parking, uh, part of the police department. I, I'd love to give out tickets.

• 54:15Jason Bateman?

  Oh, you would love to give out tickets?

• 54:16Will Arnett?

  I'd love to give out tickets and, and also moving vehicle tickets.

• 54:20Speaker 03

  That's a good idea, citizens.

• 54:21Will Arnett?

  And I also think that we should be able to report when like, you know, like when like the cops who do a great job, but when they pull people over and then they obstruct traffic and it's unnecessary.

• 54:31Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, they don't need to hang out into the other lane. I mean, I guess they're doing that to protect themselves as they're up at the window, but why don't you go around to the passenger window and then you don't have to.

• 54:39Will Arnett?

  I don't even mean on a, on a freeway or anything. I mean, I mean like on a regular street, especially in New York, you know, when you're in New York or, but although I'm, so I don't want to criticize NYPD because I do, I do, uh, it's a rough, tough job, but.

• 54:51Jason Bateman?

  It would be nice if they deputized us to give out maybe three citizen tickets for moving violations a month, you know, so you can't, you can't abuse it. You just get three. So the, the three most egregious things you see when you're driving, you're allowed to put the little Kojak light on, on top of your car and go get them.

• 55:08Speaker 03

  I think it would be nice if you could also get Sean's, like if Sean wanted to ticket the loud rickshaw guys.

• 55:14Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 55:15Speaker 03

  He could give, like, we should all be active citizens. Like, why don't we have?

• 55:18Will Arnett?

  Well, we all have phones. We're, we're taping people anyway. We might as well be able to use it to, but then I thought about, here's, here's the flip of it. I was thinking about this yesterday and then I'm like, how many yellows have I, uh, squeezed while driving through an intersection? I'm like, and I'm not, I'm not immune from it myself. And so then I kind of walked it back, but I have, God, I have so many takes on shit.

• 55:37Jason Bateman?

  I do too. Wait, there's two that I just don't have. One is, I don't know if this is a fake post on Instagram or not, but I, I read that New York is looking into making a law about, looking, making, looking into making it a law, um, to traffic the sidewalks like they do the streets. So that fast people walkers walk on the left and, which I think is really a great idea.

• 55:57Will Arnett?

  Especially in New York. New York is a bummer when people stop in the middle of the street and you're like, hey man, and also watching, looking at their phone.

• 56:04Jason Bateman?

  Four wide on a sidewalks. You can't get around people like.

• 56:07Speaker 03

  Four wide's crazy.

• 56:08Jason Bateman?

  If you're a group of more than two, you have to go kind of two by two, kind of single file.

• 56:13Will Arnett?

  Here's, here's, here's my hot take. Here's what I think. If you want to post anything on the internet, comment, whatever, anything.

• 56:21Will Arnett?

  We have to know your name.

• 56:23Sean Hayes?

  And your face.

• 56:23Will Arnett?

  Your address, your phone number.

• 56:25Sean Hayes?

  And your face, your face.

• 56:26Speaker 03

  No anonymous, no anonymous posting.

• 56:27Will Arnett?

  No anonymous anymore. And I think that, I think that that would, I think it would.

• 56:31Sean Hayes?

  That would clean it up.

• 56:32Will Arnett?

  I think it would change the world immediately.

• 56:34Sean Hayes?

  Immediately.

• 56:35Speaker 03

  I think so too.

• 56:35Will Arnett?

  If, if, everybody, you have to, there is a record, and we know that they can do it because, you know, things like the blockchain where you can trace absolutely everything, where you know everything. So if we applied that same logic to that.

• 56:46Sean Hayes?

  That's great.

• 56:47Will Arnett?

  So you can't go on to anything, you can't make any comment. You can, but we know your name, your address, your phone number. And by that, we'll be able to decipher where you work, who your family is, all that sort of stuff. And you are held, so that, because if I make a comment, everybody knows who I am. And so then I get, I get held up to this crazy high standard that everybody else is not held up to.

• 57:09Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, but wait, here's, here's my other take is Jason commented on me the other night when we were at dinner, that when you order a dessert for yourself, and then the waitress comes over with spoons for everybody at the table. And you're like, wait, no, everybody passed on ordering dessert. I ordered dessert, and when offered, everybody else is like, no, I'm good, I don't want a dessert. And then everybody spoons the shit out of your fucking dessert.

• 57:33Speaker 03

  Good take.

• 57:34Sean Hayes?

  I'm like, no, get your own dessert.

• 57:36Will Arnett?

  Right.

• 57:36Speaker 03

  Good take.

• 57:37Will Arnett?

  I agree, unless, unless it was.

• 57:39Speaker 03

  If you did not opt in, you don't get a spoon.

• 57:40Will Arnett?

  Unless it was specified, bring us the sundae and bring everybody a spoon.

• 57:44Sean Hayes?

  That's right, otherwise, no.

• 57:46Will Arnett?

  Don't, don't give a spoon. Shout out to Odeon. Remember we had that, we, so we did have that the other night at the Odeon.

• 57:51Sean Hayes?

  Right.

• 57:51Will Arnett?

  And I would, and I ordered this, I, I started, because I said, I want to, I, I want to get a sundae. And it was like, ooh, and I go, everybody get your own dessert. You're not fucking.

• 58:00Sean Hayes?

  That's right, that's right.

• 58:01Will Arnett?

  This is my treat this week.

• 58:03Sean Hayes?

  You have to announce it.

• 58:04Will Arnett?

  I don't want you dipping in the fucking butterscotch.

• 58:06Sean Hayes?

  And Jason, Jason was like, don't get the donuts. I got two orders of donuts, he fucking, his face was buried in both.

• 58:12Jason Bateman?

  Bless you, and I had six of them. Now, Kareem, with all of this really cool, very well deserved success, what has changed in your, I'm presuming, very sort of down to earth, man of the people life? What have you, have you, Will joked earlier that you.

• 58:28Will Arnett?

  Did like upgraded your air conditioner?

• 58:30Jason Bateman?

  Right. Or is it still taped to the window and red tape?

• 58:37Will Arnett?

  Look at that.

• 58:38Speaker 03

  Don't worry about it. Well, that's another, that's another big take that I have when I was installing this. I was like, it is shocking that they let me do this in New York. And if I'm taping mine, that means that there, and then I started looking around. There's like people that their air conditioners are being held up by books.

• 58:55Will Arnett?

  Right.

• 58:55Speaker 03

  Some people have a little piece of, and I'm like, there's not a standard process.

• 58:59Will Arnett?

  I agree. I agree.

• 59:01Speaker 03

  Dude, there's a guy over there that has a, like a couple of textbook. I can see, I'm like, and it's so scary because now I can't walk around New York City without thinking about my own self.

• 59:12Will Arnett?

  Sure.

• 59:12Speaker 03

  Putting in my air conditioner and you guys obviously see how good of a job I've done.

• 59:17Will Arnett?

  I know. I remember, I remember Kareem, the first time I put an air conditioner in my window in New York and thinking, this is freaking lunacy. This thing can go at any time. I just did this. I'm an idiot. And this thing is going to fall on somebody and kill somebody.

• 59:32Speaker 03

  And it's not like the windows are nice. The windows are flimsy. The windows are flimsy windows. They're made out of Saran Wrap essentially. And, and it's just terrifying. And there's no screws. None of this, there's no tools.

• 59:44Will Arnett?

  No.

• 59:44Speaker 03

  This is just like the windows holding in the place.

• 59:45Will Arnett?

  So you haven't, so you haven't gone to mainstream air conditioning. What, what have you treated yourself to?

• 59:52Speaker 03

  I mean, I, there's a lot less anxiety in my life about what I'm supposed to be doing for a living. And that is really scary because I also started doing this when I was 33, which is later than many people. Like many comedians or these social media kids, you know, they start when they're like 22, 21, 25. They've, they've, they were in their college improv group, like, so to start at 33 and take like this massive bet and then have it work out, it's shocking. And every day I'm just like.

• 1:00:23Will Arnett?

  It's dope. It's dope, but it's not shocking. It's not shocking. You're a smart guy and you are really funny. And I, do you refer to yourself as it, when people say, what do you, you don't say creator, do you?

• 1:00:33Speaker 03

  No, no, no, no. I say entertainer. Because I also made a movie. I wrote a movie, produced it, starred in it. That's out on MUBI. I make music. Rock and roll band. The movie's called Or Something.

• 1:00:45Jason Bateman?

  Or Something, okay.

• 1:00:46Speaker 03

  And it's a feature film. It's my first feature.

• 1:00:48Jason Bateman?

  And we can find that where?

• 1:00:49Speaker 03

  On MUBI. M U B I.

• 1:00:50Jason Bateman?

  M U B I, okay.

• 1:00:51Will Arnett?

  Want to ask whether or not you-

• 1:00:53Jason Bateman?

  Do I have MUBI?

• 1:00:57Jason Bateman?

  And then you say you're in a band too? No?

• 1:00:59Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm in a rock and roll band called Tiny Gun.

• 1:01:01Jason Bateman?

  That's amazing. Are you singing? Are you drumming? Are you guitaring?

• 1:01:05Speaker 03

  I sing.

• 1:01:05Jason Bateman?

  Yes?

• 1:01:06Will Arnett?

  Wow.

• 1:01:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's kind of like a punk, like Pixies.

• 1:01:11Will Arnett?

  We love Pixies.

• 1:01:12Speaker 03

  The Pixies meets The Strokes kind of situation.

• 1:01:14Will Arnett?

  Yeah, you're speaking my language.

• 1:01:16Speaker 03

  Yeah, give us a listen. It's Tiny Gun.

• 1:01:18Will Arnett?

  Hondo P.

• 1:01:19Speaker 03

  Hondo P. We played Outside Lands. Last year we played Outside Lands, a Newport Folk Festival. It was really fun.

• 1:01:25Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:26Speaker 03

  Do you guys hear those sirens?

• 1:01:27Will Arnett?

  Yeah, of course. Yeah, it's hard not to.

• 1:01:29Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, they're going to sight you in your air conditioner.

• 1:01:32Speaker 03

  Well, yeah, that's a ticket. It's Sean. It's Will and Sean, the cops.

• 1:01:36Jason Bateman?

  Sean on his rickshaw.

• 1:01:38Speaker 03

  It's Jason Bateman on his motorcycle.

• 1:01:41Will Arnett?

  I'm so, honestly, I'm so inspired by how much different stuff you do and how many creative swings you take at once. I think it's awesome. I think that that is, you're doing the very thing that I was talking about, that I wish I could do more. You're taking chances and you're engaging in life in such an awesome way. I think it's dope as hell.

• 1:01:59Jason Bateman?

  And there's some cultural relevance and help to it as well, right?

• 1:02:02Will Arnett?

  It's amazing. It's amazing.

• 1:02:04Jason Bateman?

  That's really cool.

• 1:02:04Speaker 03

  You guys are, that feels like, it's such a compliment coming from you guys, honestly.

• 1:02:08Will Arnett?

  No, but you're not catering to the lowest common. Like, you're trying to do stuff that, not necessarily sort of worthy in the sense of, like, you know, helping humanity, but you are, in a way, you are sort of engaging and keeping conversation going and provoking thought and just, I don't know, I think it's really rad.

• 1:02:26Jason Bateman?

  Bringing folks together.

• 1:02:27Speaker 03

  It's just, it's that classic playing at the top of your intelligence situation, which I feel like, because so many people are not doing that, I was like, let me just be a little bit different and try to, try to be the smartest version of what this thing limits you to, which is a phone, tiny screen, vertical. Like, let me try to do the smartest thing possible.

• 1:02:48Will Arnett?

  Yeah, and you're not prancing around in a speedo. You know what I mean? Trying to, you know what I mean?

• 1:02:52Speaker 03

  You don't want to see me in this video.

• 1:02:53Jason Bateman?

  Wait, where do I find that? And selfishly, you're giving us ding dongs that are like promoting stuff, this really great, fun, creative, uh, stop on our, on our, on our press tours to go talk to folks.

• 1:03:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, I want, I want to have you guys on.

• 1:03:08Will Arnett?

  I want to come too. I wanted to, Kareem.

• 1:03:10Speaker 03

  I would have all three of you on at the same time.

• 1:03:12Jason Bateman?

  Ooh, that'd be lit.

• 1:03:13Will Arnett?

  But here's the thing, Jason did it. I want to do just, just to one up him, obviously.

• 1:03:17Speaker 03

  Of course.

• 1:03:18Will Arnett?

  Double F.

• 1:03:19Speaker 03

  Of course, of course.

• 1:03:20Will Arnett?

  Double F.

• 1:03:21Jason Bateman?

  Four minutes.

• 1:03:21Speaker 03

  No, let's get you out. Let's get you, next time you're in New York, I'm there. I'll be, I'll be there.

• 1:03:25Will Arnett?

  All the time. I live there half the time.

• 1:03:26Speaker 03

  Great. Then I, we'll do it at literally any time. Like, I'll step out of the house, you know?

• 1:03:31Will Arnett?

  Can we take the 1-9? Is that okay?

• 1:03:32Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, I was gonna say, what, what would be your subway?

• 1:03:34Speaker 03

  What the hell's that?

• 1:03:35Will Arnett?

  You know, like, what do they call it? The 1 now? It used to be the 1-9 on the, on the west side, you know? The red line.

• 1:03:40Speaker 03

  Wow. I've never been over there.

• 1:03:41Will Arnett?

  Really?

• 1:03:42Speaker 03

  I'm an east side guy.

• 1:03:43Will Arnett?

  We can do the east side too.

• 1:03:45Speaker 03

  It's like, no, no, no, I'll come to you. I'll come to you.

• 1:03:47Will Arnett?

  No, we'll take the 6. That's fine.

• 1:03:48Speaker 03

  No, no, no, no, I'll come to you.

• 1:03:50Will Arnett?

  Fuck it, I'll take the F. I don't give a shit.

• 1:03:51Speaker 03

  Wait, I, I also want to say something that, so I, this has nothing to do with what we're talking about, although I, it kind of does, but like, going back, I don't want to tout flute my own horn, toot my own horn, toot my own flute. I don't want to toot my own flute. But I'm, I want to say this here, in case any, uh, any, anyone from the, uh, the Emmy, what are they called? The Academy?

• 1:04:12Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, we're going, Subway takes us going for an Emmy.

• 1:04:15Jason Bateman?

  Is it?

• 1:04:16Will Arnett?

  Okay.

• 1:04:16Speaker 03

  So, for your consideration, for your consideration, uh,

• 1:04:21Will Arnett?

  Great.

• 1:04:22Speaker 03

  Subway takes.

• 1:04:23Jason Bateman?

  But wait, but this has got to be on the tally then?

• 1:04:24Will Arnett?

  I love that. I love that you just said that.

• 1:04:26Speaker 03

  No, they have little ones now.

• 1:04:28Jason Bateman?

  Tiny Emmys?

• 1:04:29Speaker 03

  Tiny Emmys for your boy.

• 1:04:32Jason Bateman?

  Isn't that, isn't that called a Webby?

• 1:04:34Speaker 03

  No, it's a creative, the Creative Arts Emmy. You can get a Creative Arts Emmy for like, short form.

• 1:04:40Jason Bateman?

  Truly?

• 1:04:40Speaker 03

  Uh, yeah, like, like, you know who submits a lot? Like, like, like, um, like Carpool Karaoke is a winner of that category.

• 1:04:48Jason Bateman?

  The dude with the hot wings?

• 1:04:50Speaker 03

  Yes, Ha, uh, Sean Evans from Hot Ones.

• 1:04:51Will Arnett?

  So, so, okay, so, so, so Kareem, to be clear, if, if you, if you happen to be listening to this and you are a voter in the Television Academy, please watch-

• 1:05:02Will Arnett?

  Please check out Kareem's show and consider.

• 1:05:05Jason Bateman?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:05Speaker 03

  Thank you.

• 1:05:06Jason Bateman?

  Then then then we're tiny, tiny gonna listen to.

• 1:05:08Speaker 03

  Guys, I'm still, I'm still out here doing this. I'm, I'm still out here shilling for myself.

• 1:05:14Will Arnett?

  I love it.

• 1:05:15Speaker 03

  No one else is gonna do it.

• 1:05:16Will Arnett?

  No, yeah, good for you, man.

• 1:05:18Speaker 03

  I have this opportunity. Let me, uh, let me, I want to see you guys there, first of all, and if, when you, when we see each other there, we should hug.

• 1:05:26Jason Bateman?

  Oh, at the Emmys?

• 1:05:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 1:05:27Jason Bateman?

  Oh, if we're at the Emmys, we're gonna hug like hell.

• 1:05:30Will Arnett?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:30Jason Bateman?

  Yep.

• 1:05:31Speaker 03

  That's all.

• 1:05:31Jason Bateman?

  That's a phrase, right? Hug, I want to hug you like hell.

• 1:05:34Sean Hayes?

  Hug like hell.

• 1:05:34Speaker 03

  I want to hug you like hell.

• 1:05:35Will Arnett?

  I mean, it is the.

• 1:05:36Speaker 03

  Oh, that was a really, that was a really good take about men is that we haven't standardized our greeting. So like, I might go up to Will with a hand up in the air, like, what's good, man? Good to see you. I might extend a hand to Jason. And then he's, and, and it's confusing or a hug Sean and, and it's, yeah, and it's really confusing. We need a standard.

• 1:05:54Will Arnett?

  Kareem, my, my buddy years ago, Ali Farakin, used to say, you always, he'd say, you always start road to the White House, which is just a handshake, and then anywhere you want to go after that. But you always start road to the White House.

• 1:06:06Speaker 03

  This is good advice. So you extend the hand. Always extend the hand.

• 1:06:09Will Arnett?

  Road, this is called road to the White House.

• 1:06:11Jason Bateman?

  Be open to getting pulled in.

• 1:06:12Will Arnett?

  And then wherever you want.

• 1:06:13Jason Bateman?

  You're sure.

• 1:06:14Speaker 03

  Okay, this is good.

• 1:06:16Speaker 03

  You should consider driving a cab. That's really good cab, like, that's kind of cab driver advice, but I guess.

• 1:06:21Will Arnett?

  Hey, man, it might get to that.

• 1:06:23Jason Bateman?

  Kareem, we, uh, we're thrilled to have you. We love you. We root for you. We're watching you. Keep it going, my friend.

• 1:06:30Speaker 03

  Thank you guys so much. This was really, really fun and I appreciate you guys letting me be on your show. Seriously, I'll see you.

• 1:06:37Jason Bateman?

  We'll see you back there in the city.

• 1:06:38Will Arnett?

  We'll see you at the Emmys and we'll see you on the show.

• 1:06:40Speaker 03

  All right, I'll see you on the show. I can't wait for it.

• 1:06:42Jason Bateman?

  Thanks, Kareem.

• 1:06:43Speaker 03

  Okay, bye, guys. Thank you. Peace out. Thank you so much for having me.

• 1:06:46Jason Bateman?

  Yeah, shaking your hand goodbye.

• 1:06:48Speaker 03

  Digital shake.

• 1:06:52Jason Bateman?

  There he goes. Kareem.

• 1:06:53Will Arnett?

  There he is. Oh, man, he's good. He's so good. Kareem Rahma, yeah. Really great dude. I love it. Sean, he didn't invite you on the show.

• 1:07:01Jason Bateman?

  No, that's right. Yeah, I noticed that, right, right there at the end. You know what I was thinking?

• 1:07:04Will Arnett?

  I think he's worried about your safety. I think that that was it.

• 1:07:07Sean Hayes?

  By the way, I've never, I've never rode on the subway.

• 1:07:09Will Arnett?

  Hang on a second. I'm trying to do my, my, I'm trying to do my, I can't believe that face. I'm trying to, hang on. What?

• 1:07:16Jason Bateman?

  Sean, that's true, isn't it?

• 1:07:17Sean Hayes?

  That is very true, yeah.

• 1:07:18Jason Bateman?

  Is that really true? Never once on the subway in New York City?

• 1:07:22Sean Hayes?

  If I did, maybe once 25 years ago, but I don't remember it.

• 1:07:25Jason Bateman?

  It's not on purpose? It just hasn't happened?

• 1:07:27Sean Hayes?

  I just don't feel, I'd just rather take a cab.

• 1:07:29Jason Bateman?

  Oh, so it is on purpose?

• 1:07:31Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, oh yeah, it's totally on purpose. I don't even know how they work. I don't even know where they are.

• 1:07:34Will Arnett?

  There is so, I will give you, it is a hack because you spend a lot more time in New York these days. If you have to, it can save you-

• 1:07:42Sean Hayes?

  You get anywhere in like two seconds.

• 1:07:43Will Arnett?

  It can save you so much time.

• 1:07:44Jason Bateman?

  With your navigation app, like Waze or Google Maps or Apple Maps, whatever it is, you can just say, you know, how do I get there via walking?

• 1:07:51Sean Hayes?

  Oh, really?

• 1:07:52Jason Bateman?

  Via car or via subway. And then when you hit the subway thing, it'll, it'll give you a little map, how to walk to the subway, what to do.

• 1:07:58Sean Hayes?

  But it's overwhelming to me because there's, aren't there like 75,000-

• 1:08:02Jason Bateman?

  But it tells you what to do.

• 1:08:03Will Arnett?

  It'll walk you, yeah, it'll tell you what to do. If you don't know it, it'll tell you what to do. And I'm telling you, you can save yourself hours of being stuck in a frickin' car or-

• 1:08:11Jason Bateman?

  It's so good and it's so safe. Like what, it's just, it's all-

• 1:08:15Sean Hayes?

  Alright, well that's a little bit of that too, yeah.

• 1:08:16Will Arnett?

  It is great.

• 1:08:17Sean Hayes?

  Alright.

• 1:08:18Jason Bateman?

  We'll do it together, because I love riding on them. We'll do it next time I'm there.

• 1:08:21Sean Hayes?

  Alright.

• 1:08:22Jason Bateman?

  We'll hold hands all the way through it. Um, but you guys should check out those two shows. Very good.

• 1:08:26Sean Hayes?

  Yeah, I will. I, I've seen a couple of his clips on, on Instagram and they're always funny and engaging.

• 1:08:32Will Arnett?

  So funny.

• 1:08:32Sean Hayes?

  Like, like you said, Jason, it's, he, it's really interesting that he's, well, you both said it, that he started something out of like, you know, who would have thought that just conversation would be interesting to people?

• 1:08:45Will Arnett?

  Well, I think, well, I will say this. I think that there probably are, Sean, a lot of people who think like, hey, I'm interesting and I could just do, I'm gonna do a talk show or I'm gonna do a thing. And the truth was that he did have an actual, a talent for it and that he is an engaging person.

• 1:09:01Sean Hayes?

  And he's very authentic and real and done like- Yeah, you know exactly, yeah. You just know who he, who he is, yeah.

• 1:09:08Jason Bateman?

  And I bet he could do it. He could probably like, he'd take it on the road. He could go, he'd go overseas. He could do it. He could do, definitely do one in, in Egypt, because he was born in Egypt. I sort of assume that he is by-

• 1:09:18Sean Hayes?

  By-

• 1:09:22Will Arnett?

  Very good.

• 1:09:31Speaker 04

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• 1:09:36Will Arnett?

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• 1:09:49Speaker 04

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• 1:09:54Jason Bateman?

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• 1:10:33Sean Hayes?

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