Why Suicide Prevention is 'Everyone's Business'

Written by Jo Lambert, ‘Hold The Hope’ is now being used as suicide prevention training material by the UK’s National Health Service Mental Health Trust. Emily Kwong speaks with Rhitu Chatterjee https://www.npr.org/people/578890280/rhitu-chatterjee about the inner strength of those who live with suicidality, how a song is opening up new conversations for mental health care, and how caregivers can help a person choose life, despite having persistent thoughts of death. If you or someone you know may be struggling with suicidal thoughts, contact the 988 National & Suicide Crisis Lifeline https://988lifeline.org/ by calling or texting 988. Listen to the full version of the ‘Hold The Hope’ song here https://youtu.be/hgIBCa2g2No Read more of Rhitu’s reporting on ‘Hold the Hope’ here https://www.npr.org/2025/12/14/nx-s1-5634653/suicide-prevention-survival-song-film-art-uk-nhs Listen to Rhitu and Emily’s previous conversation about practical ways to help someone at risk of suicide here https://www.npr.org/2021/04/02/983823424/how-to-reach-out-when-someone-you-know-may-be-at-risk-of-suicide Interested in more stories about mental health care? Email us your question at [email protected] mailto:[email protected]. Listen to every episode of Short Wave sponsor-free and support our work at NPR by signing up for Short Wave+ at plus.npr.org/shortwave http://plus.npr.org/shortwave. See pcm.adswizz.com https://pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for sponsorship and to manage your podcast sponsorship preferences. NPR Privacy Policy https://www.npr.org/about-npr/179878450/privacy-policy

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• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:18Emily Kwong?

  You're listening to Short Wave from NPR.

• 0:23Emily Kwong?

  Hey, Short Wavers, Emily Kwong here. And today, we are talking about how to help someone you love who is in a suicidal crisis with the NPR health correspondent who covers mental health, Rhitu Chatterjee. Hey, Ritu.

• 0:35Speaker 02

  Hi, Emily.

• 0:36Emily Kwong?

  Last time we talked about this, we focused on how to help those who are at risk. You offered a lot of practical advice, how to develop a safety plan, how to identify the warning signs. It was a really rich, thorough conversation we had.

• 0:48Speaker 02

  That's right. And today, we're adding yet another layer to that topic.

• 0:52Emily Kwong?

  I'm ready.

• 0:53Speaker 02

  And that is what is needed emotionally from someone who is caring for a person in suicidal crisis.

• 0:59Emily Kwong?

  So today, we're focusing on the caregivers.

• 1:02Speaker 02

  That's right. Caregivers like Jo Lambert in London.

• 1:06Speaker 03

  So I've been an unpaid, full-time unpaid carer for loved ones in a suicidal crisis continuously for the last eight years. And actually, both my loved ones have survived and are thriving now.

• 1:21Speaker 02

  And so eight years ago, Jo first learned that someone she loves was feeling suicidal. And as she started to learn how to care for them, she made a promise to the universe.

• 1:32Speaker 03

  If I survive this, I will do something to change this so that people are not powerless watching a loved one suffer like this.

• 1:41Speaker 02

  So a couple of years ago, Jo used her experiences to write a poem. It's about what someone in suicidal crisis needs to get through that crisis safely. And it's a message she wished everyone could hear in order to support a loved one who's struggling.

• 1:59Emily Kwong?

  Almost like what she wishes every caregiver knew.

• 2:01Speaker 02

  Exactly, exactly. Actually, almost every person, because, you know, everyone has someone who may be struggling, whether it's a suicidal crisis or not. And Jo called this poem, "Hold the Hope."

• 2:14Speaker 03

  Will you hold the hope for me? I feel I've lost my way. I need you to be strong for me and help me find the strength to stay.

• 2:24Speaker 02

  And around the same time, she began working with a group of people who had also been touched by suicide, through a loved one, or they themselves lived with suicidality. And the group wanted to use their collective experiences to make a short educational film about preventing suicide. The film, also titled Hold a Hope, uses this poem as narration. And then this year, Joe took it to the next level by turning that poem into a song.

• 2:53Emily Kwong?

  Will you hold the hope for me? Today on the show, how suicide survivors and caregivers are turning their experiences into art and reimagining what suicide prevention work sounds like. You're listening to Short Wave, the science podcast from NPR. Will you hold the hope for me?

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• 4:44Emily Kwong?

  Okay, Rita. My mom is a suicide attempt survivor. We're so fortunate she's with us now. I love her so much. And when I heard this piece, it made me wish I had a song like this in my life. When I was going through this at 21, the experience of almost losing her, because it was such an isolating time. And I just didn't know what to say to my mom. And I didn't know how to help.

• 5:10Speaker 02

  Yeah, Emily, I totally understand that. And it's what I've heard from so many people who've cared for a loved one who's suicidal. Most people in your situation feel like that. And it's how Jo Lambert felt when she first found out that one of her loved ones was suicidal.

• 5:27Speaker 03

  I felt out of my depth, powerless, completely ill equipped to help my loved one.

• 5:33Speaker 02

  And she says she felt terrified about losing her loved one.

• 5:38Speaker 03

  I was so panicked by the grief I might experience if my loved one died, that it prevented me from giving my loved one what they needed.

• 5:47Speaker 02

  But, you know, eventually by trial and error, Jo did figure out how best to care for her loved one during suicidal crises. And a big lesson for her was that she had to put her own feelings aside during these moments and focus on the person in front of her.

• 6:05Speaker 03

  As soon as I... Detached myself from the outcome and made this about the person in the crisis fully, that was when I got the hang of it. Because then it's not about my fear or what might happen, it's about what they need right now.

• 6:20Emily Kwong?

  Yeah, it requires a lot of focus, but you have to center the person in despair. And it sounds like that philosophy was really carried over into how Joe approached this film project. Can you say more about that?

• 6:32Speaker 02

  Oh, for sure. And you hear it in the poem, right? And the song, which was sung by a group of volunteers, mostly students, mental health care providers at UK's National Health Service, mental health trust, and some who are suicide survivors.

• 6:47Speaker 03

  This is the voices of those who regularly return to active suicidality and are surviving it because of the compassion of others.

• 6:58Speaker 05

  Can you be strong enough, stay by my side for long enough? Will you keep trying till you've done enough, so I abandon what I've planned?

• 7:07Emily Kwong?

  What would you say are the most important lessons the song has to teach?

• 7:13Speaker 02

  So line after line, the song stresses the importance of emotional safety for the person in crisis.

• 7:22Speaker 03

  Keep safe this place for me. Hold my gaze, don't look away. Meet my hurt head on, don't leap back in alarm. Stay focused, steady, calm.

• 7:39Speaker 02

  And this message is conveyed by various voices in the spoken word section of the song.

• 7:45Speaker 03

  I need you to hold on for me, embrace my human frailty.

• 7:52Speaker 06

  Observe my torment, share my pain.

• 7:57Speaker 06

  Help me believe that things can change.

• 8:01Emily Kwong?

  I love how these are all active verbs, you know, observe, share, help me, because it is an active choice to be there for someone going through this. Like, an image that really helped me in supporting my mom. It was a screenshot in my phone was if a person is sitting at the bottom of a hole, you can't just shout down into the hole. We'll climb out of the hole.

• 8:24Speaker 02

  That's right.

• 8:25Emily Kwong?

  In fact, what you have to do is have the courage to go down into the hole and sit with them, to accompany them in that moment. And that's when change can really happen.

• 8:33Speaker 02

  Wow, that's a beautiful image, Emily. And yeah, you're right. Now, I will note that the song acknowledges that the most important part for the person in crisis is knowing that their loved one tried their best.

• 8:59Emily Kwong?

  What's compelling about this music to me is it embodies how I wish my mom was treated before and after her attempt. But so often, this compassion is not shown to people who have suicidal thoughts.

• 9:12Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 9:13Emily Kwong?

  And people can respond in ways that are very counterproductive.

• 9:16Speaker 02

  Yes. And, you know, Jo told me, for example, that sometimes the thoughts that her loved ones were having about dying weren't taken seriously, even by well-meaning healthcare providers.

• 9:28Speaker 03

  You can imagine the invalidation of knowing this is going to happen, shouting for help, not being taken seriously.

• 9:36Speaker 02

  Now, that's an example of an under-response, right? Now, what can also happen is an exaggerated response when someone discloses that they're suicidal, which is also harmful.

• 9:46Emily Kwong?

  Yeah.

• 9:46Speaker 02

  So here's psychologist Ursula Whiteside, who runs a suicide prevention nonprofit called Now Matters now in Washington State.

• 9:53Speaker 07

  There's an over-response and that person is then directed to the emergency room, where they may stay for, you know, 12, 24, three days while they're being assessed and ultimately sent home. And in both situations, people learn, why would I ever?

• 10:12Speaker 07

  Share that again. That was so unhelpful.

• 10:15Emily Kwong?

  Yeah, we talked about this a few years ago, that most people naturally want to call 911 in an emergency situation, but that is not always the best approach when someone is in a suicidal crisis.

• 10:25Speaker 02

  Absolutely, because ERs weren't set up to address mental health crises because they're intensely busy, chaotic places that just make a person already in despair, more stressed out. So if you're a caregiver and you don't know what to say or do when a loved one discloses that they're feeling suicidal, a better number to call is 988, the suicide prevention lifeline, because there, trained counselors can help coach you as to how to respond to your loved one, and they will probably echo what Ursula says.

• 10:58Speaker 07

  We give the advice first and foremost, when you're sitting with somebody who's struggling with suicidal thoughts, is to not panic, like at a bare minimum. And then secondarily, to be present with that person, like to be in their room with them as much as possible, to be like a real human with them.

• 11:15Speaker 02

  Now Ursula says she also tells people to validate the feelings of the person in crisis because they want to feel heard and understood.

• 11:23Emily Kwong?

  What does this kind of validation sound like?

• 11:26Speaker 02

  I'll let Ursula give some examples.

• 11:28Speaker 07

  When they say the horrible things about how they want to die, instead of disagreeing with them, or it's reflecting back, like, you're in so much pain right now. This feels excruciating. Of course, your brain is trying to find ways to escape. I'm so glad you're still talking with me. I'm so glad you're here. I know you're in pain right now, and I love you and I care about you, and I'm right here.

• 11:55Emily Kwong?

  These are beautiful things, and they are so validating of that person's reality.

• 12:00Speaker 02

  Right. Now, the other part of this has to do with the stigma around suicide, which, according to Jo, stems from the fact that people feeling suicidal are often looked upon as weak. But her song calls for others to see the strength in someone feeling suicidal by understanding what they've been through.

• 12:21Speaker 03

  And that's the absolute kernel of this project, which is the upending of the stigma. Can you turn stigma on its head and see my staying power instead?

• 12:34Emily Kwong?

  How is this song being received by people in her field?

• 12:38Speaker 02

  So the song is the latest iteration of what she's trying to do. But the film and the poem that came before are being used by the UK's National Health Service Mental Health Trust in southwest London in their suicide prevention and awareness trainings. And by the way, Jo herself works for the UK's National Health Service Mental Health Trust, coordinating these kinds of trainings. And I spoke with her boss, Justine Trippier, who's a psychiatric nurse. And she says using the film has made the sessions more engaging.

• 13:15Speaker 08

  It feels like people are more open to share, to discuss, and to really pull out what the difficulties are for them.

• 13:24Speaker 02

  So sometimes this is a person who has a loved one who's suicidal that they're trying to support. And at other times, it may be a new healthcare worker.

• 13:32Speaker 08

  And they had their first suicide and how they emotionally can, you know, manage that.

• 13:38Speaker 02

  Their goal ultimately is to use the song to help make suicide prevention everyone's business. And research shows, by the way, that when we share experiences of those who live with suicidality, it increases the likelihood that others in crisis will seek help, that they too will have a sense of hope. Here's Ursula again.

• 14:00Speaker 07

  When I was listening to this, I was, I kept coming back to the fact that there are so many times that people survive. And what we only count is when they die.

• 14:14Speaker 02

  And, you know, Emily, as data shows that for every person who dies by suicide, more than 300 feel suicidal or live with suicidality but don't die. And Ursula says Jo's song is a much-needed reminder that with the right help, people can and do choose life despite having persistent thoughts of death.

• 14:43Emily Kwong?

  Rhitu Chatterjee, thank you so, truly so much for bringing this song, this message, this care onto Short Wave.

• 14:53Speaker 02

  Always a pleasure, Emily.

• 14:54Emily Kwong?

  If you would like to listen to the full song or read the lyrics, check out the link in our episode notes. Give that conversation with Ritu and I from 2021 a listen. We've linked it too.

• 15:06Speaker 02

  And if you or someone you know is in crisis, call or text the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988.

• 15:15Speaker 09

  Will you acknowledge what it takes to keep on living when you feel you're going to break? Can you turn stigma on its head?

• 15:25Speaker 10

  And see my staying power instead?

• 15:30Emily Kwong?

  This episode was produced by Burleigh McCoy. It was edited by Rebecca Ramirez and fact-checked by Tyler Jones. Kwesi Lee was the audio engineer. I'm Emily Kwong. Thank you for listening to Short Wave from NPR.

• 15:56Speaker 00

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