#24 Shawn Ryan's Psychedelic Experience

I am revealing every little detail of my psychedelic experience, all the intuitions, what I saw, what I felt, what I believe it all meant, and how the journey healed me in the end. I am opening up about my experience for two reasons. The first being because I believe this will help a great number of people, and the second is to raise money for VETS the organization that put me through the treatment so they can continue healing our US Special Operations Veterans. Please donate here: https://give.vetsolutions.org/SRS Vigilance Elite/Shawn Ryan Links: Website - https://www.shawnryanshow.com Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/VigilanceElite TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@shawnryanshow Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/shawnryan762 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 1:30Shawn Ryan?

  This was totally different. This was like, I was dying, but I didn't care about anything, nothing. I saw my head split into two from the top down. I saw our waterfall several times.

• 1:52Shawn Ryan?

  And I said, "Okay, I'm ready to do it again."

• 1:55Speaker 05

  Were you nervous again?

• 1:57Shawn Ryan?

  I was nervous again, but I knew there was more. And, uh, and it's not, you don't know what else there is, but you know that there's more. Essentially, what's happening is you're entering this higher level of consciousness that you've not experienced before, and you don't want to come back. And I just started yelling at the top of my lungs. I was like, "Go in there! Go in there! Get in..."

• 2:32Shawn Ryan?

  And I knew what it was like to die.

• 3:05Shawn Ryan?

  Hey, everybody. Welcome back to the show.

• 3:11Shawn Ryan?

  This one's a little bit different.

• 3:14Shawn Ryan?

  I want to share my psychedelic experience with you all, how it benefited me. I'm gonna tell you every little detail. What I saw, what I experienced, all the little intuitive-type things that came up. I'm doing this for two reasons. One, I've heard about this for a couple of years now from a multitude of different guests that have been on the show. I finally decided to go try it myself. And man, it changed everything. Changed my entire life, my whole family dynamic for the better. And I want to get the word out there because I think this could help

• 3:57Shawn Ryan?

  a lot of people, not just veterans, everybody.

• 4:03Shawn Ryan?

  And the second reason I'm doing it

• 4:06Shawn Ryan?

  is because I want to raise money for the organization that put me through that, which is Vets, founded by Marcus and Amber Capone.

• 4:17Shawn Ryan?

  So there's a link in the description. Very prominent placement. Please go to the link and donate. Even if it's just $1. If everybody donates $1 and this show gets 200,000 views. That's $200,000 that they can spend putting former special operations guys through this treatment.

• 4:44Shawn Ryan?

  We've all been through a lot. And they deserve it. And so please, help me and my friends out. Donate to vets so that they can send more guys through this treatment. Save more families, more lives. You guys get the point. And I know you'll do it because I love you guys and I know you love us. So thank you in advance. Enjoy the show.

• 5:16Speaker 05

  So you went on a trip last week?

• 5:19Shawn Ryan?

  I did go on a trip.

• 5:22Shawn Ryan?

  And I took IbaGain and then all my hair fell out.

• 5:29Speaker 05

  I like this new look.

• 5:30Shawn Ryan?

  I'm just kidding.

• 5:32Speaker 05

  I'm digging it.

• 5:32Shawn Ryan?

  The IbaGain did make my hair fall out. I'm just getting old and I have a bald spot. And it started, it just started to look like, you know, it started to look like a guy trying to cover up a bald spot. So I had to whack it off.

• 5:50Speaker 05

  Well, you've been talking about it since before our wedding.

• 5:53Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah, it's been two years.

• 5:54Speaker 05

  So I'm all for it. I like this now.

• 5:59Shawn Ryan?

  So you want to hear about my IbaGain treatment with vets?

• 6:03Speaker 05

  I do. I want to hear all about it.

• 6:05Shawn Ryan?

  I guess I should probably talk about why I did it. You know, we had, we've had so many people here that have talked about how psychedelics have helped with.

• 6:17Shawn Ryan?

  Anxiety, PTSD, traumatic brain injury, anger, forgetting what you're saying mid-sentence, all that kinda stuff. And, um, and it kinda started with Gallagher, Eddie Gallagher, and then we brought Marcus and Amber Capone on, who started vets. McCall, Mikhail Vega did it. He's the one that, he was kinda the pioneer in the SEAL community that brought it to light. And DJ Shipley did it. Ed Calderon had talked about it. And there's more guys going. But after hearing all these guys, you know, talk about how life-changing it

• 7:00Shawn Ryan?

  was, you know, um, something that people don't really see behind the cameras, what goes on outside of this room. And, uh, and I did, I do deal with a lot of anxiety and a lot of anger, especially when it comes to all kinds of things. And, and I'm tired of living like that and, and, and being in the moment, you know, forgetting what I'm saying mid-sentence. I do that on camera all the time. And, and, you know, I just,

• 7:41Shawn Ryan?

  I thought I was good because, you know, before we had met, and while we met, uh, I did like three and a half years of therapy twice a week. That's, that's like three hundred and something sessions.

• 8:00Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 8:02Shawn Ryan?

  And it did do a lot for me. But then we moved and that was, we moved and, and I'm not with that therapist anymore. So I didn't, I didn't wanna find a new one. And, and I figured, you know, I might wanna give this a shot. So, so we went down there and we did Ibogaine. The treatment includes Ibogaine and five MEO DMT, which is actually different than DMT. And, um, for those of you that don't know what those are, there's a ton of information online about both of those. And, and actually Tony Robbins gives a very good.

• 8:46Shawn Ryan?

  Description of what his five MEO DMT experience was like and how it took his fear of death away. But so yeah, we went down there and I had called Marcus and Amber as you know, or actually texted them and I had like kind of a breakdown and

• 9:12Shawn Ryan?

  and I was, I was just ready to do it. And I honestly, I felt kind of guilty calling them because I know there are a lot of guys that are a lot worse off than than me and and who are in relationships, you know, with their wife that are a lot worse off than us. We have a great relationship, but you know, I do struggle a lot with a lot of things. And and they they got me right in there, you know, and and I was a little skeptical, you know, you gotta be open minded for something like this, extremely open minded. And I didn't know how it was gonna go, but I was just going off of the the

• 9:55Shawn Ryan?

  the authenticity that these guys on the show, you know, have and and and how genuine they are when they talk about this treatment. So figured let's, I'm gonna try it.

• 10:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:09Shawn Ryan?

  And

• 10:11Shawn Ryan?

  they couldn't, Marcus and Amber couldn't have put a better program together, to be honest. Everything is top notch. We went down there and when you arrive, it is in a house that's, it's not on the beach, but it's got a hell of a view of the ocean. And everybody had their own room. They have a full medical staff. They have chefs. They take this extremely seriously. It's not like I think what a lot of people think where you go down there and and it's gonna be like

• 10:51Shawn Ryan?

  Nineteen sixty-five, you know, with a bunch of hippies doing.

• 10:55Speaker 05

  In the woods or something?

• 10:56Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah, it's nothing like that. I mean, you get there, first thing you do is you get hooked up to a heart rate monitor. They, they give you an EKG. They put like, I think it's like eight wires on you. Test your heart to make sure you're healthy enough to do the medication. They get an entire list of medications that you're on before you even go down there to make sure it doesn't interact with anything that you're gonna be doing.

• 11:21Speaker 05

  Right. Didn't you have blood work done here too, before you went down?

• 11:23Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah, they made you get, they made you get an EKG here and blood work done here before you even go down.

• 11:31Speaker 05

  Right.

• 11:31Shawn Ryan?

  And then when you go down there, they do it all over again. So I got down there, I mean, basically I put my bags in the room and it was, go get your EKG done, go get your blood, uh, urine samples, list of medications. They turn, they make you turn over all of your medications, uh, right there. And they're just, you know, they're just taking safety precautions and making sure that you're healthy enough to do, uh, the Ibogaine treatment, the five MEO DMT treatment. I think it's majority for Ibogaine, uh, because that's such a heavy drug, but.

• 12:07Speaker 05

  Also though, uh, you weren't supposed to be like drinking or anything leading up to that too, right?

• 12:13Shawn Ryan?

  No drinking for four days.

• 12:15Speaker 05

  Prior to even going?

• 12:16Shawn Ryan?

  Prior to. And that was hard for me. But I think a lot of people that watch this, they saw my social anxiety video and

• 12:30Shawn Ryan?

  think I don't drink. I do drink. I just don't drink hard stuff. And I drink about a bottle of wine to a half a bottle of wine a night. And, uh, every night before I go to bed. So that was, that was

• 12:45Shawn Ryan?

  a little challenging. Wasn't too tough, but it was a little challenging. So we got down there and I went with two other people. Uh, one, I'm not gonna mention their name because I don't have permission. The other was, I actually went with Marcus Capone and.

• 13:08Shawn Ryan?

  Man, their staff down there was just so welcoming and extremely professional. They they even have chefs. You get you get a three course meal, sometimes a four course meal, three times a day. I mean, breakfast is a three course meal.

• 13:25Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 13:26Shawn Ryan?

  And it's got like the presentation and everything. Uh, it it, I mean, it's like a five star restaurant, you know, and except you're just eating in a dining room. It's and so I guess I'm telling all this because I'm trying to paint a picture. When you go down there, it is one hundred and ten percent all about relaxation. You know, they want you to be comfortable. It's not, you're not overloaded with all these different activities to do all day long. It's it is come down here, relax, think about why you're doing this. Think about your intentions on why you're doing this. Think about what you want to get rid of

• 14:10Shawn Ryan?

  uh, or what you hope to get rid of. And and and the other thing they do tell you is don't come down here with a whole bunch of expectations because of the other people have done it because this stuff works different for on everybody. And um, so I did go down there. I didn't have any expectations and honestly, I was a lot more skeptical than I probably let on being down there, but um.

• 14:38Speaker 05

  Another, real quick though, another thing though, um, that's important too is um, communication, you know what I mean? Like you were kind of cut off from your phone and things like that, which I think was really good. Like, I think you had the option to have your phone.

• 14:54Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah.

• 14:55Speaker 05

  But I think to be in the moment, to really get the most of the experience, it sounds like anyways, you really need to like surrender your phone and be there, right?

• 15:05Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah, they they it they don't make it like mandatory, like hand over your phone. Uh, but they definitely encourage not being on your phone all the time. And so I turned my phone over.

• 15:19Speaker 05

  Right.

• 15:20Shawn Ryan?

  And and we talked to a good friend of ours, uh, who had.

• 15:26Shawn Ryan?

  Done this experience and he said the same thing. Him and his wife said, hey, you know, don't be on the phone, just

• 15:33Speaker 05

  Disconnect.

• 15:33Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah, disconnect, be selfish and let this medicine do what it needs to do. You have to be 100% committed in it for this, for this stuff to work. And we both really respect that. Not just that individual, but that couple.

• 15:50Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm.

• 15:51Shawn Ryan?

  And, um, and really took that to heart. So, yeah, I got down there and I put my phone on no notifications. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp online therapy. Stress affects us all. We just don't always realize how. Headaches, teeth grinding, digestive issues, sleeping too much or too little, overeating or not eating enough are just a few ways stress affects us. Being a business owner, I'm constantly under stress. It's something I'm always trying to better manage in my life. Thanks to the time I spent in therapy, I learned techniques that I could incorporate into my daily routine to help me better balance and try to avoid those stressful triggers for myself.

• 16:34Shawn Ryan?

  BetterHelp is customized online therapy that offers video, phone, and even live chat sessions with your therapist. So you don't have to see anyone on camera if you don't want to. It's much more affordable than in-person therapy. Give it a try and see if online therapy can help you lower your stress. This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp and the Sean Ryan Show listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com/shawn. That's B-E-T-T-E-R-H-E-L-P.com/shawn. And you're the only one I was texting at first, just you and Sonny, you know, our son.

• 17:17Shawn Ryan?

  And then Tuesday I turned it over and I was like, I just even that first night, it was I'm getting texts from all these people and it makes it just, it's like, I can't, I don't want to deal with this right now. This is for me. And so I did wind up just turning the phone off, handing it over.

• 17:35Shawn Ryan?

  And so, so you go down there, first day, you do all the medical stuff and then you do the squat lodge. Second day is very lax. It's uh, very, you watch a couple of documentaries on Ibogaine.

• 17:52Shawn Ryan?

  About the treatment and some of the science behind it and what it does. And which was uh, extremely interesting. And there's a lot of coaching that happens uh, from

• 18:06Shawn Ryan?

  Trevor and his staff. Trevor's, it's his business. It's his, he's, I don't know what his um,

• 18:13Shawn Ryan?

  I don't know what his title would be. I think it would be psychedelic healer, maybe. I don't think he's a shaman. But uh, he's, I think he's a psychedelic healer. That's what we'll call him, psychedelic healer. So they kind of coach you and manage expectations and, and encourage you to, you know, really dive deep into your intentions and everything. So I journaled the whole thing in this book, which is the same book that all the guest stuff goes in. So I journaled everything in this book. Every, every event. Uh, I didn't journal every day, I don't think, but I, but I journaled every event that we did. And

• 18:56Shawn Ryan?

  yeah, so I wrote down why I was there and I really dove deep into my intentions. And so my major intention, my first, my primary priority was just to be, I wanted to be in the moment again because I know you know this, but it would be, it was just.

• 19:23Shawn Ryan?

  I couldn't talk to you without my head being somewhere else. And I couldn't play with our son Sonny without my head being somewhere else. And the only thing I could do to be in the moment is to drink a half a bottle of wine and smoke marijuana. Every night until midnight. Why are you crying? And uh, and then I would go to bed, come home, go to work for eight plus hours. Half the time I wouldn't even get anything done. I'm just doing busy work and that created a lot of stress, you know, and you saw how I was in traffic and crowds.

• 20:08Shawn Ryan?

  I had a ton of anxiety. My anxiety immediately turns to anger. Which makes me pissed off all day long yelling about politics, traffic. You name it, I'm upset.

• 20:25Shawn Ryan?

  And, and so I, I knew that was affecting you and I knew if it wasn't affecting our son yet, then it was going to uh, when he starts getting older. And so I wanted to make some changes and, and um, so was my primary intention. I wanted to, I wanted to be in the moment. I wanted to get rid of anxiety. I wanted to get rid of my anger and I just wanted to be a better husband and a better father. For our son and for you.

• 20:55Shawn Ryan?

  And another thing, and then I wrote like some other stuff down that I don't really feel like I need to get into. One of them being you know, I forget what I'm saying mid-sentence all the time and people make fun of me in the comments section about it. Oh, you've been blown up too many times. Yeah, it's all funny and that's great. You can talk shit on YouTube. Uh, behind a keyboard, but this shit's real. Like it is from being blown up too many fucking times. And um, and um, so after Marcus's interview, cause he has bad TBI, I was hoping that it was gonna do something for me.

• 21:36Shawn Ryan?

  And uh, so, and that's, that's humiliating, you know, when you can't put a sentence together. Or you forget what you're talking about mid-sentence. People just, I mean, I just told you. Look at the comments section on YouTube and um.

• 21:51Shawn Ryan?

  And so I was hoping maybe that that would help with some of that, too. And so I wrote all this stuff down and and wrote down how I was feeling. And I wrote down all the stuff that I wanted the medicine to take away also, which was uh besides anxiety and anger issues, I wanted it to and stress, I wanted it to take away. Just stuff that we all deal with, whether you want to admit it or not, you know, jealousy.

• 22:27Shawn Ryan?

  You know, we've had a lot of people on the show and a lot of businesses have blown up because of this show. And a lot of people have actually passed me up from being on my own show. And which creates a lot of resentment. And so I wanted the resentment to go away because that's the whole point of this. Is to help guys, you know, build businesses and and it does exactly that. We've done amazing things with this show. And um but it was always, I always just felt used. Uh not just from people on the show, uh very few, actually. But I've always felt a lot of resentment, you know, because I, when somebody asks for help, what do I do? I drop everything.

• 23:11Shawn Ryan?

  I drop my family to go help people. And then when you don't get the appreciation, you know, the resentment sets in. So I wanted resentment, I wanted resentment gone, I wanted anxiety gone, I wanted anger gone. I wanted jealousy gone. I wanted uh greed gone. I wanted all those things just to be out of my life and and and, you know, I'm big on people with an ego problem. And I think we all have an ego problem and I wanted my ego to just go away and um. So that's a long list, but so I wrote it all down. And when you do this treatment, it's very ceremonial.

• 23:56Shawn Ryan?

  So Ibegane comes from a plant in Africa. I think it's Cardone. I may be butchering that, but you can look it up online. I think it comes from Cardone. I believe that's the country in Africa. And it's very tribal. You know, there it's a lot of like tribal traditions and, and, and very ceremonial. Fire yelling, dancing, war paint, the whole shebang, whatever you want to call it. And so at least the way Trevor runs it is it is very ceremonial. I'm not quite that ceremonial, but he had us write down all of our intentions and everything we wanted to get rid of on a piece of paper.

• 24:39Shawn Ryan?

  And we all sit around in a circle around a fire. And you can say your intentions and what you want to get rid of. You don't have to. If you want to just say something else and say what you're thankful for, whatever you want to say, you can say there. And when it's your turn and you're done talking, you put your piece of paper with all that information into a fire and burn it. And there's a lot of like, I think they're burning sage. And, and then you get the first pill. And this is at night that we took the first pill at seven 30 PM.

• 25:21Shawn Ryan?

  And then they give you, they say, look, this takes a while to kick in. So everybody go do whatever you want within the house and, and the kind of the backyard, which is overlooks the ocean. And, and, but at eight 30, we need everybody upstairs, um, which, so you do it in this.

• 25:45Shawn Ryan?

  Uh, it's kinda like a lookout room. It's got all these windows and which they black everything out for this, but you go upstairs. And after an hour, so I went downstairs to my room and I just went through everything that I've written, all the reasons I went there. And they also said, if you have questions, memorize your questions, or if you wanna bring a notebook upstairs and you can, they said you can ask the medicine questions, which I, I was like, okay. Ask the medicine questions. I mean, I didn't say anything and I was very open minded. I didn't. Judgment is another thing I wanted to get rid of.

• 26:24Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 26:25Shawn Ryan?

  But um, cause I'm very judgmental and.

• 26:31Shawn Ryan?

  So, so I read through all my notes. I just wanted to keep everything as fresh as possible in my head. And I had all these questions and you know. One of my questions is, I, I wrote down all kinds of questions. I'm just gonna keep that to myself, but went up there at eight thirty. And I went up there at eight thirty and Marcus was already up there. The other gentleman was already up there. And you have these mattresses that are on the floor. I walk into the room, the room's completely, they blacked all the windows out. And you kinda settle into your mattress. I wore just like pajamas, a hoodie and pajama pants.

• 27:14Shawn Ryan?

  Walk in and right in front of your mattress, they had like a, uh, like a big mirror. In front of everybody's mattress. They had a big mirror and a candle and then. Like some other stuff. There was like a jar of rocks with some, a feather sticking out and then like a thing of flowers. And everybody had the exact same thing. Uh, and then you have a bucket or a trash can next to you. Because a lot of people wind up vomiting on this, on Iba game because it's so potent.

• 27:52Shawn Ryan?

  And they call that a purge and they say if, if you're gonna purge, then you're purging all this like negative energy or, or things from the past or whatever. You're purging all that. So anyways, I, I did have some questions, even though I was skeptical. I had memorized them. And hearing some of the stuff beforehand, it's, you know, I've never done any psychedelics. I've done a lot of drugs, but I've never done any psychedelics. And, um,

• 28:23Shawn Ryan?

  and so

• 28:26Shawn Ryan?

  the first thing they do once you kind of settle in is they put, they hook you up to that EKG machine again. And so, and they have a full med staff in there. And, I mean, even before this, they're running IVs. I mean, they're making sure you're hydrated. Everything like is top notch there. And so they hook everybody up to these EKG machines, uh, to monitor your heart during the, during the treatment because it does raise your heart rate a lot. And, uh, and it does, it can create a lot of anxiety, um, depending on what you're dealing with during your experience. So they hook everything up. And

• 29:08Shawn Ryan?

  and then you take another pill. And like almost immediately. So it was an hour between, I think it was an hour between pill one, pill two. And, oh, and also at the end of the mattress, they had these maracas with like this tribal stuff inscribed on the side of it. And

• 29:31Shawn Ryan?

  and, and you're, and you bring an eye mask too. Put an eye mask over your face when this starts, when it starts, when you start feeling the medicine.

• 29:40Shawn Ryan?

  And so

• 29:44Shawn Ryan?

  I sat Indian style and I'm looking at this mirror and they start, once everybody's hooked up and everything's good to go medically, they play this music called Wiki music. And this shit is like nothing I'd ever heard. I, I don't even know why they call it music. It sounds like, yeah, it sounds like.

• 30:11Shawn Ryan?

  Fifty people in a house. And it would, it would be like you go take that tin trash can and just start banging it against the wall as loud as you can. And you take the trash can lid and just start throwing it on the ground at random. And you go over to the cabinet and start throwing all the glass out of the cabinet and just smashing everything on the floor. And you just start slamming cabinet doors. And you, and you grab a pot and bang it on the counter. I mean, there's like no rhyme, no rhythm, no nothing.

• 30:47Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 30:47Shawn Ryan?

  All you can tell is it speeds up and slows down. So it is like

• 30:54Shawn Ryan?

  pure chaos. And you're just listening to this like, what the hell are we listen to, listening to? And I think what they're doing is they're trying to, one, it's, it's, it's from that area of Africa, I believe. It's part of the ceremony. And, and that's what you're listening to when this thing starts. So I'm looking in the mirror and

• 31:21Shawn Ryan?

  you know, I'm still a little skeptical and they said, they said, yo, when the medicine kicks in, a lot of people will hear a buzz. And I was like, okay, well, I'm probably not gonna hear a buzz because I have tinnitus really bad. And I hear a buzz or ringing like all the time. So I'm like, there's no way I'm gonna hear a buzz. And I'm sitting there and so I'm like, all right, well, you know, I'm open, I'm gonna let this thing do whatever it needs to do because that's the other thing they say is just you have to allow this stuff to work. Don't, don't fight it.

• 32:00Shawn Ryan?

  No matter what comes up from your past or whatever the feeling is, just let this medicine take you where it needs to take you and show you what it needs to show you. And so I did, I was really open minded and, and so we start in the mirror. And I'm shaking this Morocco, listening to this music. I'm sitting Indian style and I'm just like, you know, all right, looking at myself and

• 32:31Shawn Ryan?

  And I'm looking myself in the mirror.

• 32:34Shawn Ryan?

  And. Nothing's happening.

• 32:37Speaker 05

  This is how long after the second pill?

• 32:39Shawn Ryan?

  I don't know. You have. You have like no conception. You have no concept of time. None at all. I'm just shaking this maraca and nothing's really happening and then they come over and they give you another pill. And um, so I don't know. I don't know how long it was. I feel like maybe it was an hour. In between pill one and pill two, maybe thirty minutes in between pill.

• 33:05Shawn Ryan?

  Two and pill three and then they give you a fourth pill and I think maybe that's like, I think they cut the time in half every time. But I'm not sure because you don't actually have any concept of time. But, so I took second pill. I'm sitting there. And I'm shaking this damn maraca and nothing's happening. And. And all you can see is like your face and that like the candle flicker, you know, there's no other light in there. So it's it's really dark. And um.

• 33:37Shawn Ryan?

  And sure as shit, something starts happening. And I start seeing these black tears. Come out of my eyes and I wasn't crying. But I just saw like black tears and I saw like out of my peripheral because I'm looking at my, I'm looking at myself in the eyes in the mirror. And then I could, you know, out of my peripheral, I could see the tears, but if I tried to focus on the tears. They were gone, like immediately gone. And. So I'd look at myself in the eye again and then the tears would start again and I was, I was trying to figure out, I was like, is that a shadow from the candle? Or?

• 34:22Shawn Ryan?

  Or is this actually happening? And I mean, I knew it wasn't actually happening because I went like, I'm like, you know, what the? And.

• 34:33Shawn Ryan?

  And so I keep, I kept shaking and. Sure as shit, once I figured out that.

• 34:41Shawn Ryan?

  If I focus on it, or try to focus on it, then it's going to disappear. So I just let it, I quit trying to focus on it and I just looked at it through my peripheral and and it just started tearing like more and I could see the tears like dripping off my nose and they were black. And so that kinda went away a little bit. Just kinda stopped. And I was like, man, that was weird. And I look over and uh the guy, I was in the center, the guy to my right, he had already laid down and put his eye mask on. I looked over and uh Marcus was kinda still doing his thing, looking in the mirror and

• 35:28Shawn Ryan?

  and the next thing I saw was I saw my head

• 35:36Shawn Ryan?

  split into two from the top down, like you draw a center line from the center of my head, down my nose, down my chin. And it like split, like it started, it was almost like a it was peeling. And so it started here and my head just like went like that. Started going like that. And once again, if I tried to focus on it, then it would just, it would

• 36:07Speaker 05

  Go away.

• 36:07Shawn Ryan?

  The minute I'd focus on it, it was just back to normal. And but when your head's like splitting like that, it's hard not to freak out a little bit. And you know, I'm looking at it and and it would come back, you know? And then I would let it, I would look at it through my peripheral, peripheral vision and it would start doing this again. And uh that one, I kept, I couldn't help myself from trying to focus on it, cuz it's so weird looking.

• 36:39Speaker 05

  Right.

• 36:41Shawn Ryan?

  And everything's like perfectly proportioned, like if if your head was to peel and bend, like everything was

• 36:52Shawn Ryan?

  exactly the way you think it would look. But there's nothing, there's no like blood and guts, I can't see my brain or anything. You know, it's just splitting and

• 37:04Shawn Ryan?

  After like three or four times and once I got it again, like alright, ju- just try not to focus on it. Just let it, let it happen and try not to focus on it. My head was like this and it kept splitting and then up the middle of where my, top of my head was splitting, like I saw another head coming out of my head. And it was my own head. So it was like this, it was like this head was peeling. And then another head was coming up of my head. And like started at the forehead like very slowly. It's not like it just popped up.

• 37:46Shawn Ryan?

  It was just like very slowly. So you couldn't really tell at first and I was like, that's my own head coming, coming out of my head. And so I was like looking at that and right about that time I started to hear that buzz. And it sounded like,

• 38:14Shawn Ryan?

  it was like a buzz I had never heard before. It's a lot of the stuff that I'm gonna talk about is like really hard to describe or put into words. And I started to hear this buzz and it sounded like, it sounded like if you can imagine a bee with metal wings, like fluttering and both like just right next to both of your ears. That's what it sounded like. And, and, and I, I was like, there's no way, no. You know, and so I plugged my ears. Cause I was like, this has to be the music.

• 38:54Shawn Ryan?

  Plugged my ears and I all like, so the, I could still hear the music a little bit, obviously, but, you know, got really dug down, but that buzzing did not get dubbed down at all. And I could hear, so I could hear my tinnitus. And I could hear like this metal buzzing and it started really quiet.

• 39:17Shawn Ryan?

  And it was also like this sensation too, like a feeling or maybe, I don't know.

• 39:28Shawn Ryan?

  Basically, you're essentially what's happening is you're entering this higher level of consciousness that you've not experienced before and you're starting to feel all this energy in your body and when I felt the, when I started to hear the the, that metallic buzz, it started like at the bottom of my spine, like, like right above my ass and

• 39:57Shawn Ryan?

  I could feel it.

• 40:00Shawn Ryan?

  It, I could feel it moving up my spinal cord and as it moved up my spinal cord, it was getting louder and um, it wasn't like moving up at like a fast pace. It was like a very slow and steady pace. And I started, I started getting a little anxious. I was like, oh man, like that's, that's okay. This is, we're going in. You know, I'm like, we're going in. And so I wanted to stay in front of the mirror a little bit longer. So I, I stayed in front of the mirror. And the next thing I saw in the mirror was

• 40:44Shawn Ryan?

  it was like I was wearing a mask and so there was like this line that went from like the top right of my forehead down to like the bottom left of my chin. And, but it was like a rigid line, almost like if somebody had like a hockey mask and it got cracked in half. You know what I mean? And on this, on the top portion of my head,

• 41:11Shawn Ryan?

  I saw, it was like I am today, except I had hair and um, and on the bottom portion, it was very like weathered and it looked like I was, it looked like if you opened a casket a hundred years after somebody died and the skin just started like, kinda like coming off, but it wasn't.

• 41:40Shawn Ryan?

  I wasn't scared, you know what I mean? It wasn't like a horror movie or anything. You could just see like the skin was like coming off and it was white. Like that like white grayish color.

• 41:51Speaker 03

  Mm hmm.

• 41:52Shawn Ryan?

  And uh, and I was like, okay, that's enough. So, so and by that time that buzz, I could, it was, it was louder and I could feel that energy, that chill, like it was like right at my neckline. And the only kind of way to describe the chill is it's not like a chill like when you're cold. It's, it's like a chill when you're running a fever. You know, you, you're not cold, but you have like a chill. And that's the chill. It's, it's basically the same thing, but it moves slowly up your spine. And so I laid back, I put the eye mask on and I, I looked over.

• 42:36Shawn Ryan?

  I was the last one looking at the mirror. And I, I actually wanted to get back up and look at it again later to see if anything else happened. And so rewinding real quick. You know, the black tears, there's some different, I, I Googled some of this stuff cause I didn't, I think there's a lot of symbolism that's going on and they, they basically say that this medic, this medicine, ibogaine, uh, they call it iboga as well. That iboga speaks to you and, and, and these roundabout ways in it. And, and there's a lot of symbolism behind everything.

• 43:14Shawn Ryan?

  So the black tears, uh, had something to do with me not really being happy with myself and who I was. And I think that's what that symbolized. And, and, and, and the other thing it could have been was a lot of grief from, uh, friends that I lost, you know, and, uh, from the teams and, and, and after the teams and could have been that. And then the, my head peeling and mushrooming out of my own head. Uh, it, I think that represented new beginnings.

• 43:55Shawn Ryan?

  And the like the mask type thing, I don't know what that was.

• 44:02Shawn Ryan?

  I I'm kinda stumped on that one, but but um.

• 44:09Shawn Ryan?

  Anyways, so I laid back and it's in, I could feel it in my neck and.

• 44:16Shawn Ryan?

  And it's like it started. Instead of going up my spinal column, it's kinda started to V out like this. And I could feel this chill like go over my entire scalp like this.

• 44:31Shawn Ryan?

  And it just stayed there and.

• 44:34Speaker 05

  This is where I would think most people would have anxiety.

• 44:38Shawn Ryan?

  You you get anxious.

• 44:39Speaker 05

  Because just hearing this makes me anxious, thinking about. A buzzing and this feeling coming over through my spine up to my head, so.

• 44:48Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah.

• 44:49Speaker 05

  I could see why having the EKG and everything.

• 44:53Shawn Ryan?

  Well, it's funny you mention that because right at that point Trevor came over to me and and you're like a hundred percent with it. Um, it doesn't sound like you're a hundred percent with it, but. If you snap out of it or somebody's asking you a question. You you're you're there. It's not like you're intoxicated on booze or or sluggish. Nothing like you're still sharp. And he's like, are you okay? And I was like, he's like, I'm just checking on you. Are you are you doing all right? Do you feel anything? And I think. My heart monitor was probably going. But um. But uh, so I think he was just like making sure like, hey, let's just. How you doing? And I was like.

• 45:38Shawn Ryan?

  I hear the buzzing. I was like that. I was like, this shit doesn't sound like tinnitus. And he was like. That's normal. He's like, don't worry about that. A lot of people hear that. And I was like, I. I feel like this chill over the top of my brain. And he's like, that's fine. And I'm like, I'm I'm doing good. I was like, I'm gonna let it take me wherever it needs to take me. I'm just. This is not what I was expecting.

• 46:06Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 46:06Shawn Ryan?

  And um.

• 46:09Shawn Ryan?

  And uh, put the eye mask back on and.

• 46:14Shawn Ryan?

  There wasn't like a whole lot of visualizations at this point, but there was a lot of sensation. And like that chill was real and that buzzing was real. And this music was driving me insane. And the music would start speeding up. And it didn't bother me as much when I was sitting up looking at myself in the mirror. But when I laid down,

• 46:35Shawn Ryan?

  it felt like when that wiki music sped up,

• 46:40Shawn Ryan?

  it felt like I was laying flat on a merry-go-round and somebody was spinning me a hundred miles an hour. I mean, we're talking extreme vertigo. It's like when you've had, when you're extremely intoxicated and you get the spins and you start getting nauseous. It's that exact feeling. And, and then when the music slows down, I would still have a little vertigo, but it wasn't like I was gonna get nauseous. And so I did wind up purging. When that, it just kept hap- it kept speeding up and finally I did purge.

• 47:20Shawn Ryan?

  And not that anybody wants to know what it tasted like, but it didn't taste like any vomit that I've ever had before. It was like this metallic flavor. And, or taste, not flavor. But it was like this metallic ta- it was like horrible. And

• 47:43Shawn Ryan?

  and there's nothing really to, there's not much to come up because you fast all day before this. So there's nothing in your stomach. And so you're dry heaving a little bit as you're purging. And like I said, they say when you're purging, you're like getting a lot of bad shit up. And, and, and and negative energy, things that you've gone through, whatever, it's all coming up. And so I get done doing that, put my eye mask back on, lay back down, and I started feeling this stuff like,

• 48:22Shawn Ryan?

  it was like I could feel this medication like seeping into every crevice of my brain. Like every corner, every crevice, going through it, everything. You can feel it. And so...

• 48:43Shawn Ryan?

  I think you're tapping into a new level of consciousness that is pretty much impossible to reach for the regular human mind. And you know, they say what this does is you're able to access a lot more of your brain than you are in normal consciousness. And so

• 49:12Shawn Ryan?

  so I could feel that happening. And right about that time, I'll put it this way. You know, if you cut yourself,

• 49:22Shawn Ryan?

  your brain is telling all the cells to run down. If I cut my wrist, you know, my brain is telling all my cells to go to that area and heal that, to coagulate the blood and start to heal the wound, correct?

• 49:38Speaker 02

  Mm-hmm.

• 49:39Shawn Ryan?

  Or if I

• 49:42Shawn Ryan?

  feel pain, you know, or if I catch a virus and your immune system begins to fight the virus. Your digestion, all these kind of things.

• 49:59Shawn Ryan?

  You

• 50:01Shawn Ryan?

  kind of become aware of what's actually happening. You're it's like you're tapping into your subconscious, subconscious and you're feeling and kind of in, not in control, but you're feeling everything that your body's doing that you normally don't ever feel. Is kind of what I think was happening.

• 50:25Shawn Ryan?

  And

• 50:27Shawn Ryan?

  so I'm laying back and I start seeing like these visualizations of color. And there was a lot of purple, a lot of green, a lot of like pink, magenta type colors. But it wasn't like these bright, it wasn't like a it wasn't like I was in a Beatles music video in the sixties or seventies, you know, it wasn't anything like that. It was like almost kind of looked like

• 51:02Shawn Ryan?

  If you see like a gas in space, you know, it's like these different colors and it just kinda moves in these different shapes, or uh if you've ever like taken food coloring and dropped it into a glass of water and you see like it kind of explode like that. It's kinda like that. The shapes are constantly moving. And same thing as the mirror, if I tried to focus on any particular shape or color, then it would disappear. And it didn't take up like my entire field of view. It was just very specific points and they would kinda move around kinda like, like an amoeba. Uh if you remember what those are in science, or maybe the shape of like an actual.

• 51:46Shawn Ryan?

  I think everybody knows what a virus looks like now, after covid. Um but it's just these really abstract shapes that are just constantly moving. And what I think that was, is I think as that medicine was moving through my brain.

• 52:09Shawn Ryan?

  It was every time it was hitting the receptors, it was like flashing colors. That's kinda what I felt like was going on. And so um pause there real quick. What this medicine is proven to do is it disrupt your default mode network. And so the human brain, especially as we go to older and you develop your ego and your way of thinking, that's where all the that's why we get more judgmental when we get, as we get older, that's you develop your ego and what you think is right and wrong, or what your ego thinks is right and wrong. And, and, and good and bad and all this other stuff.

• 52:47Shawn Ryan?

  What that does is, so it's, it's the back of your brain and the front of your brain. And basically it's sending neurons back and forth. From the front of your brain to the, to the back of your brain, the frontal and rear low, right? And so what Ibogaine does, and, and I believe all psychedelics um do this somewhat. It basically interrupts that. And so

• 53:11Shawn Ryan?

  What happens is instead of the neurons traveling back and forth like this consistently, just over and over and over again, it disrupts that and it forces these neurons to, your brain still has to communicate between the front and the back, so it's like finding all these new avenues to communicate because they can't just, they can't just be lazy and go back and forth from that main, the default mode network. They have to travel to all the parts of your, through all the parts of your brain that you don't normally access. So

• 53:49Shawn Ryan?

  you're using like so much more of your brain capacity than what,

• 53:55Shawn Ryan?

  than what we normally use.

• 53:56Speaker 05

  That's fascinating.

• 53:58Shawn Ryan?

  Isn't it?

• 53:58Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 53:59Shawn Ryan?

  And so that was going on for a while. And I have no idea how long that lasted. And the next thing I saw, and I didn't even really realize these were visualizations until, uh, until the end, but the next thing, uh, that I experienced was

• 54:22Shawn Ryan?

  all these memories.

• 54:25Shawn Ryan?

  I think they were memories. I know they were memories, were going through my head. And when Andy Gallagher was here, he kind of said it was like a film strip. And like going through his head and I, I kind of thought that was like a figure of speech.

• 54:45Shawn Ryan?

  That's pretty much what it looks like. So mine, the way mine, the way I saw that was it would be, it looked like a two lane road.

• 55:01Shawn Ryan?

  Or just two lines going like this and

• 55:06Shawn Ryan?

  It was like widescreen TVs. And there were movies playing in the TVs and I don't know how long it was, but it was like a strip like coming from the back of my head to the front of my head, two strips and then disappearing off into the distance. All in a straight line. So. And it looked like kinda Star Wars credits. You know how they like go like this and as they scroll, they just start disappearing. That's kinda what it looked like. It was two rows of

• 55:39Shawn Ryan?

  of widescreen movies happening. And as they're passing you by, you could kinda see what was going on in each screen. And

• 55:57Shawn Ryan?

  but the exact same thing, you can't, if you try to focus on one particular screen, they all go away. And then it starts over again. And so this, there was a pattern happening here. Every time you try to focus or try to take control of a situation, it takes everything away. And so I was, I was in, I'm under an eye mask, you know what I mean? So this is all like going on in my head. There's, you're not really seeing anything. It's all happening like right here. And

• 56:32Shawn Ryan?

  I saw glimpses of like stuff that happened in Iraq. But I don't know what it was. And I saw glimpses of stuff that had happened in childhood. I saw glimpses of you and Sonny. Uh, the only one that like I remember like very vividly is our property and I saw.

• 57:03Shawn Ryan?

  I saw our waterfall like several times uh going through my head and I it was like the only thing that I didn't that I could tell immediately what it was without trying to focus on it. I could just see it just passing by and I was like, oh man, that's that's that waterfall that's on our property and um and I must have saw it. I don't know how many times, maybe three or four times, you know, pass through and and it just anything that had anything to do with nature like stuck out like a sore thumb. And then the other stuff like there was something with my dad that passed by that

• 57:45Shawn Ryan?

  I didn't like it to watch like what was going on in that screen, but it was something that had happened a long time ago in childhood and and uh you know, just always remember that day, but but most of the stuff I couldn't really put together. I was just like, I think that was, I think that was that maybe something that happened in Baghdad, but

• 58:10Shawn Ryan?

  but I I couldn't focus on anything. It's uh otherwise it would all disappear and so so that was going on. And so I think what that was uh was kind of the same thing. It was this medicine like opening up new pathways that hadn't been accessed in years. I mean, they say they say that you never actually lose your memory. Everything that's happened from the day you're born until today, it's all up here. Everything, all of it is up here and maybe even before you're born, but it's all up here. It's just you don't have the ability to to access it.

• 58:56Shawn Ryan?

  You know, and so I think what this is doing is as it's moving through your brain and opening up these new pathways because it can't use the default mode network, it's accessing all of these memories that you

• 59:12Shawn Ryan?

  Maybe some of them you have, you know, memories of. And then other stuff that you just

• 59:20Shawn Ryan?

  forgot about, but it's always been there. You know what I mean? And, and just because you forgot about it doesn't mean that you're over whatever happened there, or or maybe just, you know what I mean? It's, it's bringing all this like stuff up. And maybe that you you've subconsciously blocked out of your mind because it was a traumatic event. Some of it was good stuff, you know, but it was all being, everything was being accessed. I felt like my entire brain was just.

• 59:52Speaker 05

  Like lit up?

• 59:53Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah. And, um, and then I don't know what happened, like went black. And, um,

• 1:00:03Shawn Ryan?

  went black for, for

• 1:00:06Shawn Ryan?

  I don't know how long. And I remember, and I remember all of a sudden the music changed. So I, I kind of feel like I may have blacked out during the experience, uh, at least through part of it, because I don't remember the wiki music ending and the next thing starting, which was like regular, it's kind of like weird trippy music.

• 1:00:34Shawn Ryan?

  Stuff that I don't listen to, but it just was kind of, it was different. And, um,

• 1:00:43Shawn Ryan?

  I actually have the playlist. But, uh, maybe I'll link that below, but, um, but I just remember thinking like, oh, what, what happened to the wiki music? And

• 1:00:57Shawn Ryan?

  I, I didn't see anything. There was no visualizations, no colors. I still had feeling, you know, a very like overpowering sensation that this stuff was all throughout my body and my veins. Everything. And, um, and I could still feel like that chill in my brain and, and kind of feel things moving around up there.

• 1:01:21Shawn Ryan?

  I could not feel anything. And um, I got a little bit paranoid that I was like, oh, man, I'll bet when I purged, I probably purged up the last pill or two and I probably lost all effect and I'm gonna have to come and do this all over again. And also, like, almost immediately when I laid down, I got, I got sweats, like, the night sweats. And dude, my entire, my clothes were completely soaked, my mattress was soaked, my pillow was soaked, the blanket was soaked, like, I was, this stuff is like drawing a lot of bad stuff out of your body.

• 1:02:05Shawn Ryan?

  And, and just for the record, I lost eleven pounds in one week off of this stuff. So it drew a ton of toxicity out of my body. And I'll tell you how we know it was toxicity later, but, so I'm thinking, I'm like, I didn't see anything, I probably purged up the last two pills, but I was like, I was like, all right, just calm down, this is me trying to take control of the situation again and say, hey, um, nothing's happening, I need to control this, give me more, or whatever. And, uh, which you don't want more, this, none of this stuff feels great, you know,

• 1:02:49Shawn Ryan?

  it's, Nixon made this stuff illegal in like the seventies because he said it was addictive. There's no way in hell this is addictive. Um, because you, I mean, you're nause-

• 1:03:03Speaker 05

  There's no pleasure.

• 1:03:04Shawn Ryan?

  No, there's none. You're dealing with stuff that you, I mean, you gotta be ready to deal with it and you have to, you know, be open to dealing with it, otherwise, this, this isn't gonna work. So I was really open, but anyways, I, this thought popped in my head at that point, uh, after I was starting to get a little bit frustrated and I was like, you know what? My primary intention was actually to be in the moment and maybe I'm not having any visual, visualizations because-

• 1:03:38Shawn Ryan?

  It wants me to be in the moment. And so, once that thought kinda popped in my head, I don't know, maybe that was a bogey like putting that thought in my head, like, we're not, you're not gonna see anything else until until you're in the moment.

• 1:03:57Shawn Ryan?

  And so,

• 1:04:00Shawn Ryan?

  I just laid there and actually thought about nothing, and I was in the moment. And, uh, once I kinda let go of that control, and that's the thing, that's an issue that I have, is control. And, and, I mean, I've structured my entire business

• 1:04:18Shawn Ryan?

  so that I can control every accent, every, every... I can control every point of my business. And, and, and it overwhelmed me. And so, it's really hard for me to kinda let go of that control. And, well, once again, I don't know if I really

• 1:04:41Shawn Ryan?

  blacked out or not, but then that went on for, it seemed like a long time of nothing. And, um, and then the, and then I've had a visualization, this is kinda trippy and hard to describe, but you know how like, those horses on a merry-go-round like steadily go up?

• 1:05:01Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:05:01Shawn Ryan?

  And down, and up and down.

• 1:05:06Shawn Ryan?

  That, I wasn't on a merry-go-round, but that was like what I was doing. I felt like I was floating up and down, and to this music that was playing. And I was in this maze with

• 1:05:24Shawn Ryan?

  these really weird-looking stuffed animals and like dolls and shit like that from like floor to ceiling, but you can't see the floor or the ceiling. It was just these walls that like seemed infinite of...

• 1:05:43Shawn Ryan?

  Weird looking stuffed animals and dolls and stuff and you're just going like this through this like maze and there was walls of this and I was I have no idea what that meant. It it felt like something out of Alice in Wonderland. It was real.

• 1:06:00Speaker 05

  It sounds like it.

• 1:06:01Shawn Ryan?

  Like I was, uh, yeah, like I was in Hunter S. Thompson's head or something, but but um.

• 1:06:10Shawn Ryan?

  That didn't last very long. Then I uh, I don't know if it went black again, but I uh, but then all of a sudden I remember. Kind of waking up and I didn't or coming back to maybe and uh.

• 1:06:28Shawn Ryan?

  I was thinking about you and Sonny and.

• 1:06:34Shawn Ryan?

  Um, the music was gone and all I could hear was the white noise machines on and um. And at one point in time, I I got up, I had to go to the bathroom and they they they unplug it from the the hard. The EKG machine and when you stand up, they're like, look, don't, it seems like you can move fine in your head, but you're you can't.

• 1:06:59Speaker 05

  Hmm.

• 1:06:59Shawn Ryan?

  So take it real slow, baby steps. And so you're like stepping like this.

• 1:07:07Speaker 05

  Like a shuffle.

• 1:07:08Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah, like a. Like if you've ever seen What About Bob and they say baby steps to the bus and it's like, that's how you're walking to the bathroom and they're holding. And you're so you have vertigo and you're shaking. I mean, you can't even. You can't even like stand there by yourself and pee barely and um, and you get help go back and then I I purged again at some point after that. But anyways, I'm thinking about you and Sonny. Started thinking about my parents, uh, my brother and my sister.

• 1:07:46Shawn Ryan?

  Like a lot of family stuff and um, but good, all good. It was more like I was just wondering, you know, what you guys were doing and. Remembering good things and that lasted for a little bit and then the.

• 1:08:02Shawn Ryan?

  Um, the like, the last thing that I was thinking about, which I didn't wanna think about it. And I know this came from a prior conversation was um was China

• 1:08:15Shawn Ryan?

  building all these cities in Africa. And we had a discussion about how they're building all these villages and cities and all over Africa. And um, basically taking over the continent. Uh, which is actually happening and and that's kind of a fear of mine. And um, and so I was thinking about that, but I didn't wanna think about that. I was like, I'm not here to think about.

• 1:08:44Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:08:45Shawn Ryan?

  China's long game and um, but it was, and then it left. Like I once, like I thought about it for a little bit and I had these visualizations of like me going through Chinatown in the middle of Africa and these villages that are all.

• 1:09:03Shawn Ryan?

  China, Chinese and and uh, and once I like made the decision like I'm not thinking about this right now. This isn't why I'm here. It it was gone.

• 1:09:14Speaker 05

  Nice.

• 1:09:14Shawn Ryan?

  It was back to family.

• 1:09:17Shawn Ryan?

  And uh, I'd taken my uh, sleep mask off and I could see the light shining through the uh, the blackout shades. And I was like, oh, man, I was like, it's morning already. And

• 1:09:35Shawn Ryan?

  I wish I would have taken my watch off, but I had it on. I looked at my watch and it was like eight something in the morning.

• 1:09:42Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 1:09:43Shawn Ryan?

  And

• 1:09:45Shawn Ryan?

  I thought that this maybe a couple hours had gone by. That's 12 hours.

• 1:09:53Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:09:53Shawn Ryan?

  And so you feel like horrible, like you feel horrible. You can't walk. I if I'm still nauseous, you're, I'm completely soaked because I had been sweating all night. And so I just, I just like laid down and tried to go to sleep. But this medicine keeps you up. You're not going to sleep and um.

• 1:10:22Shawn Ryan?

  So I looked over.

• 1:10:26Shawn Ryan?

  Marcus had actually already gone and then the other guy was still laying there and he was just kind of. But he didn't, he looked fine. And I was like. I remember asking, I was like, do you, do you feel as bad as I do right now? And he's like, it'll start to wear off. And uh. And I was like, okay. And I, I just, I was like, man, I, I can't even move. Like I, I don't even wanna move my arm. I feel like if I move anything, I'm gonna vomit again. And um.

• 1:11:01Shawn Ryan?

  So I just laid there with my eye mask on. Woke up again, or like not woke up, cuz you can't sleep, but no more visualizations at this point. It's just pure misery. And I lift up my eye mask and look at my watch again. It's twelve thirty P M.

• 1:11:19Speaker 05

  Oh, my gosh.

• 1:11:20Shawn Ryan?

  And this dude, the, the, the other guy that was next to me, he's gone now. And. Nobody else is in the room except like this. Poor paramedic who's on. Who's, who's on watch.

• 1:11:34Speaker 05

  Mm hmm.

• 1:11:35Shawn Ryan?

  You know, cuz they can't leave until everybody's out of the room. And I felt like bad for him. I was, I was like. Man, I could be in here for another forty eight hours. I don't know. You know, like, I'm not going anywhere. And I was, but I had to go to the bathroom. So he held me up. Walked me to the bathroom, laid back down. I was like, man, I can't go to my room. And so he ran me an IV. I think they ran everybody an IV uh when, when they were getting ready to leave uh to go back to their, their actual room, but. Ran me an IV, gave me a little bit of anti-nausea venison through the IV. And uh, which actually helped. And uh, it took, I think it took two guys to get me to my room.

• 1:12:20Shawn Ryan?

  If I remember right. I mean, you're.

• 1:12:25Shawn Ryan?

  Not feeling great and uh and I had to go down two flights of stairs.

• 1:12:30Speaker 05

  Oh my goodness.

• 1:12:31Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah, to get to my room. So I went to my room and laid down and they had people checking on me like seemed like every thirty minutes and um I was just laying in my bed. Sweat started up again immediately. My bed was soaked. They'll ask me if I want anything to eat. Do you want anything to eat? No. Do you want any soup? No. Do you want any broth? No. There's nothing I'm gonna be able to hold down. I feel horrible. They're like, don't worry, it's gonna start to wear off soon. I think I was there for another four hours.

• 1:13:09Speaker 05

  Oh my goodness.

• 1:13:10Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah, and

• 1:13:14Shawn Ryan?

  finally, uh and during that four hours, the I

• 1:13:21Shawn Ryan?

  I was having those visualizations again that I said uh were like the kind of like the ame- the colors, the amoebas moving through and and same colors. It was like green, magenta, pink. Uh there was some blue actually this time and

• 1:13:44Shawn Ryan?

  and uh if I would open my eyes and look at the wall, I could see like

• 1:13:50Shawn Ryan?

  this is crazy, but I feel like I could like see the energy in the wall like flickering.

• 1:13:56Speaker 05

  Hmm.

• 1:13:57Shawn Ryan?

  Kind of moving around and um but nothing like it was that was it was pretty tame. It wasn't anything like my head peeling back or anything and um

• 1:14:11Shawn Ryan?

  so I got up, I had to go to the bathroom, went to the bathroom, looked at myself in the mirror and first thing I wanted to look at was my eyes. I was expecting my pupils to be like super dilated and they weren't, but I felt like my eyes were different and I was like, I don't know. I was like, what is going on with my eyes? And I wrote this down in my journal, by the way, and

• 1:14:39Shawn Ryan?

  Looking in my eyes and I'm like, something's different. I don't know if they're, I think they might be darker, but I'm not sure. But something is definitely different with my eyes. And then, uh, took a shower, went upstairs.

• 1:14:57Shawn Ryan?

  They asked me if I wanted anything to eat. I was like, absolutely not. And I just wanted to go outside. So I just went outside. I was like, I just want to get some fresh air. Went outside, sat there, was looking out at the ocean.

• 1:15:16Shawn Ryan?

  Not thinking about anything.

• 1:15:19Shawn Ryan?

  And I sat there for two and a half hours. I haven't been able to sit with myself for 17 years, at least, at a minimum. It's been 17 years since I left the SEAL teams. Haven't been able to sit with myself, at least since I left the SEAL teams. And just be by myself and think about nothing. My head wasn't racing anymore. It wasn't all about anger and anxiety and things that had happened and business and, and...

• 1:15:55Speaker 05

  Current events?

• 1:15:56Shawn Ryan?

  Current events. And none of that was there. It was just, I was just there in the moment. And I realized, I was like, holy shit, like my primary intention, like it happened. I'm here, sitting by myself, not talking, not thinking about things, just here, enjoying

• 1:16:21Shawn Ryan?

  this moment. I sat there for two and a half hours. I couldn't sit there for two minutes before.

• 1:16:28Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:16:30Shawn Ryan?

  And

• 1:16:33Shawn Ryan?

  as I was looking out at the ocean...

• 1:16:38Shawn Ryan?

  I started seeing these.

• 1:16:43Shawn Ryan?

  It looked like cells. Like s- like cells, like in your body, cells. It was, but they were translucent. Almost like floaties in your eyes. Do you have floaties?

• 1:16:56Speaker 05

  I've had them before.

• 1:16:58Shawn Ryan?

  Are they translucent, like weird little shapes?

• 1:17:01Speaker 05

  Yeah, like a blur. I've had like a little blur thing.

• 1:17:04Shawn Ryan?

  Like little bubbles and stuff, maybe? That's what this was like.

• 1:17:07Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:17:09Shawn Ryan?

  And so it looked like, like if you look at a microscope and you see all these cells like moving around real fast. And there was just thousands of them. Just moving around all over the place. And I

• 1:17:24Shawn Ryan?

  I feel like

• 1:17:27Shawn Ryan?

  it was like all these cells that are regenerated. And it was being projected from the back of my eye to the front of my eye, like I was looking through like a filter. Also, I've, I also think that my vision actually improved because things in distance, at distance seemed a lot crisper. But, uh, I would look at something else and I couldn't really see the cells, but if I looked over the horizon and it was like a constant color, like if I looked at something, then it was busy and there was a lot going on, like grass or flowers or buildings or whatever, I couldn't see it. But if I looked at something that was like a consistent color, like the ocean or the sky,

• 1:18:12Shawn Ryan?

  I could see it, all these little things just moving around all over the place. But they were very faint and, and like I said, they were, actually, they weren't even, they weren't even translucent, they were like transparent. And, um, all you could see is little like outlines of things and, um, and then I, uh, and so what I think that was, is this medicine, I believe is proven to regenerate cells in your brain, neurogenesis. It, it replenishes your brain, it replenishes the receptors and it promotes brain growth and, uh, regeneration of cells and

• 1:18:58Shawn Ryan?

  I think I was seeing that be projected into the front of my eye.

• 1:19:04Shawn Ryan?

  And then the and and at that point, somebody had come out and I had mentioned, I I said, I said, do you guys see this and or is it just me? And they saw it too and um

• 1:19:23Shawn Ryan?

  one of them did. And I was like, okay, and so I closed my eyes. I was I just didn't want to leave being outside. It just felt so it felt so good to be there, not thinking about anything and just being there in the moment that I didn't want to leave and uh, I I just closed my eyes and I saw this was weird. I don't know what this meant. I don't know why I saw it, but it was like a nineteen eighties video game graphic. It almost looked like the like a like if Sonic the Hedgehog was developed on Atari back in the eighties.

• 1:20:07Shawn Ryan?

  That's kind of what it looked like, but it was this little red like circle

• 1:20:14Shawn Ryan?

  with stick arms and stick legs and it like walked out of the corner of my eye. Stopped like dead center of my vision. Turned. Waved at me, put its arm back down, turned and then walked right back out the corner of my eye. And I was like, what the hell was that? That's like the only thing that I saw that that I was just like, what? And um

• 1:20:43Shawn Ryan?

  I don't know what that was. Um, so like I said, I still felt like crap. So I went down to my room and I was like, all right, I'm gonna go to bed for the night and um it was really early. And I remember closing my eyes and and like those little energy shapes or amoebas were there again. And then I saw perfect grid lines, which I don't know what that is, but I wrote it down in here, but I saw like

• 1:21:15Shawn Ryan?

  it was um

• 1:21:20Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah, it was like these perfect.

• 1:21:29Shawn Ryan?

  It was these perfect grid lines and they were like this deep blue but very vibrant. And I don't, I don't know if that meant anything, but it just covered my, the entire inside of my eyelids. Just like, like graph paper, just like and um, and then I just saw in my notes, something I forgot to say was um, your teeth are chattering during this whole experience.

• 1:21:54Speaker 05

  Oh, really?

• 1:21:55Shawn Ryan?

  When the ibogaine kicks in, your teeth are like, not like real bad, but they're like,

• 1:22:02Shawn Ryan?

  they're chattering.

• 1:22:03Speaker 05

  Hmm.

• 1:22:03Shawn Ryan?

  And um,

• 1:22:06Shawn Ryan?

  and yeah, that was, they call that the gray day, the day after you take the ibogaine, they call it the gray day.

• 1:22:14Speaker 05

  So that was the ibogaine experience, which is incredible. Um, then you had the gray day.

• 1:22:21Shawn Ryan?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:22:22Speaker 05

  And then what came next after that?

• 1:22:26Shawn Ryan?

  So gray day is Wednesday. They do, they all, like I said, they're still taking blood pressure and all this stuff and uh, making sure everything's okay, monitoring your, your medical. And

• 1:22:43Shawn Ryan?

  then Thursday comes around. I felt a lot better. I woke up feeling, I had a little bit of a headache still. Uh, they had run like several IVs, but all in all, I felt really good and um, I was like really excited to go back outside and you just kinda wanna like be outside and uh, just have like this urge and uh, anyways. So Thursday afternoon,

• 1:23:19Shawn Ryan?

  they say we're gonna do this uh, five M E O D M T. That's five Mike Echo Oscar D M T and

• 1:23:35Shawn Ryan?

  I didn't really think much of it cuz I said it only lasts for about ten to fifteen minutes. And they start talking about how you're gonna experience death.

• 1:23:49Shawn Ryan?

  And I've never been

• 1:23:54Shawn Ryan?

  really like scared to die on the battlefield.

• 1:24:00Shawn Ryan?

  I just, I always kinda considered myself already dead. Like when Tim asked, how do you deal with like the anxiousness and stuff going down to Mexico? You know, when we were gonna do that uh stuff, that cartel series? I was like, you're not gonna like the answer to this and and he was like, well, you know, how did you do it? And I said, I already considered myself dead before we ever even went on the mission. So the only decision left to make is how am I gonna die? Am I gonna die as a coward? Or am I gonna die fighting? And he, he was like, uh.

• 1:24:41Speaker 05

  Not what he wanted to hear?

• 1:24:42Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah, and it wasn't like that with this, though. You know what I mean? Be, it was, I didn't, I wasn't like that fearless guy. Um, when they said you're gonna experience death, I started getting like real anxious and uh real nervous.

• 1:25:01Speaker 05

  Well, when I was at home, I uh before you left, I took a picture of your itinerary.

• 1:25:05Shawn Ryan?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:25:06Speaker 05

  And uh, so I was, you know, our communication was limited, so I was checking the itinerary. And I saw this five M E O D M T and it was like between your, it was like after your lunch. Something like, it was, it just seemed like nothing on the schedule of events. But I Googled it and it was like frog venom?

• 1:25:30Shawn Ryan?

  It's from a toad.

• 1:25:31Speaker 05

  Toad venom?

• 1:25:32Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah, toad venom.

• 1:25:33Speaker 05

  Toad venom.

• 1:25:35Shawn Ryan?

  So if you like irritate this specific type of toad, then this venom comes out and that's what it is. So that like slang, they kinda like, they say, oh, you, you're gonna lick the toad. And um.

• 1:25:51Shawn Ryan?

  Anyway, so they they sit us down and they have us watch a couple of documentaries, like mini docs. And one of them is, I don't know if he's a shaman or a psychedelic healer or what the title is. I gotta ask Trevor what the title is. But they have us watch two, one mini documentary. And it's this guy that administers five M E O D M T to all kinds of people. And he administered it to like Mike Tyson and some big names and whatever, right? And so we're watching this and he spouts off this fact and I'll never forget it.

• 1:26:30Shawn Ryan?

  He said that ninety two point six percent of the people that he has administered five M E O D M T to no longer have a fear of death.

• 1:26:41Speaker 05

  Wow.

• 1:26:43Shawn Ryan?

  And be- because you experience death and you know what it's gonna be like. And I was, I just started getting nervous.

• 1:26:54Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:26:54Shawn Ryan?

  And and they started showing like people that were doing it and it it didn't look fun to me. Um, but basically you smoke it and you put your arms out and you're sitting up and you fall backwards and it's like you're out. And um, and they had the eye masks on, I believe. You're supposed to wear an eye, or a lot of people wear an eye mask on with this. And so I'm watching that and I'm like kinda looking at the other guys and I'm like, you guys are like good with this?

• 1:27:29Shawn Ryan?

  And so then we watched, uh, Mike Tyson did an interview with Tony Robbins on his podcast. And Tony Robbins went and did five M E O D M T down in Brazil. And he explains it. And he said that the one thing that he has never been able to do is talk to people that are dying, like cancer patients or people that are getting ready to die. He just never was able to kinda overcome.

• 1:28:10Shawn Ryan?

  Being able to talk to people before they die and let them know it's gonna be okay, or whatever, you know, Tony Robbins does, he just wouldn't even take that on. So, he did research and found this five MEO DMT, went down to Brazil, did it, uh, like ceremonial stuff. And now he has zero problem talking to people that are dying, that are gonna die of cancer, or anybody that's getting ready to die, or family that's died, or all that stuff. He's like, I have absolutely no problem doing that now.

• 1:28:45Speaker 05

  That's amazing.

• 1:28:46Shawn Ryan?

  Isn't it?

• 1:28:47Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:28:47Shawn Ryan?

  And, um, it was a very interesting interview. And after we watched those, we went up and we had kinda like a group circle. And we're sitting there talking about how it's gonna work. And Trevor's saying, hey, we can do it up here in this room, or you can do it outside if you want. Sometimes people yell at the top of their lungs, sometimes people scream, and I'm like, I'm like, whoa, why would they be screaming? And, and, so I just raised my hand and I, I was like,

• 1:29:28Shawn Ryan?

  I don't know if I'm the only one, but I'm feeling extremely anxious about this right now, and I am very nervous. And he, he's like, well, that's completely normal. And, and, uh, the other guys have already done this. And I'm like, are you guys nervous? And both of them were like, I've done this before, and I'm nervous again. And I'm like, oh, man.

• 1:29:53Speaker 05

  So, is this something that they don't need to have you hooked up to EKGs for?

• 1:29:58Shawn Ryan?

  No, they did, no, they didn't have us hooked up to anything for this one. But they did still have a full med staff, uh, on station. Which, um, made me comfortable on one hand, and on the other hand, I'm like, why is there all these medical people here? And, uh, but he's kinda telling us how it's gonna work, and I'm...

• 1:30:22Shawn Ryan?

  He's like, you can either do it outside, you can do it outside. Some people scream, some people get up, some, you know. We got a full med staff, everything's gonna be fine. They call this the bliss drug. Like, everything's gonna be fine. And so the way it's described is like, you're gonna get this major wave of anxiety. Like, to- like, anxiety like you've never felt.

• 1:30:50Speaker 05

  Oh my gosh.

• 1:30:51Shawn Ryan?

  And then, it's gonna release, and everything's gonna change, and it's gonna be very euphoric.

• 1:31:00Speaker 05

  This is all after you smoke it?

• 1:31:02Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah, and he's telling us how to do it. He says, alright, so basically what you wanna do is you wanna be basically do a slow twenty to thirty second inhale. Hold your breath for, I can't remember how long, and then exhale. And by the time you're exhaling, your arms need to be out like this. And you just start counting backwards. I'm like, alright, well that sounds easy.

• 1:31:26Speaker 05

  And you're laying down, like you're on the ground?

• 1:31:30Shawn Ryan?

  Once you fall back. So you're sitting up, you smoke it. You start doing your countdown with your arms out, and you fall back.

• 1:31:38Speaker 05

  Okay.

• 1:31:39Shawn Ryan?

  And I'm like, alright. Sounds easy enough, but I'm nervous, like, real nervous. And, so I-

• 1:31:47Speaker 05

  What were you nervous about, that you thought you were gonna die?

• 1:31:51Shawn Ryan?

  I didn't, I didn't do any, uh, I didn't do any research on five MEODMT. Because everybody has talked about the Ibogaine, and how powerful the Ibogaine is, and how it's curing addiction, and all the, and how powerful it is. That I didn't even take the time to-

• 1:32:09Speaker 05

  Research that.

• 1:32:10Shawn Ryan?

  Research the five MEODMT. And so when they're telling me I'm gonna experience death, that hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm like, oh. I'm gonna what, you know, and

• 1:32:25Shawn Ryan?

  and so I'm like, well, I would like to do it outside. I've always heard, you know, that this, I I liked being outside after I began, it made me feel good being out there and thinking about nothing. So I was, I was like, I wanna go, I just wanna do it outside, so. And the other two had never done it outside, if I remember correctly. So they were like, yeah, I'll do it outside. So they like, alright, we're gonna go set up. So I set up to put a blanket out on the grass, put a pillow out, so when you fall back, you don't hit your head on anything. And

• 1:33:04Shawn Ryan?

  and they said, bring an eye mask out. If you wanna wear it, you can wear your sleep mask. If you don't wanna wear it, that's fine, too. And um beautiful day out. It was probably around seventy degrees, sunny, um fresh air.

• 1:33:21Speaker 05

  Middle of the day?

• 1:33:23Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah, I think it was about two, I think it was like two or three in the afternoon. And so I go out and they have like the med, the medical staff is like in a half moon circle behind you. So I'm facing this way. Trevor's right here. He's basically the only person I can see. And then the medical staff is behind me and I saw they had like a, um a bag valve mask. So if I, something happens, they're gonna bag me and I'm like, oh shit. And uh, so I didn't know, I was like, holy shit, can like, can you OD on this stuff? Or, you know, like, what's what's gonna happen?

• 1:34:08Speaker 05

  Right.

• 1:34:09Shawn Ryan?

  You know, what are the, what are the possibilities?

• 1:34:11Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:34:11Shawn Ryan?

  You know, what are the what are the repercussions if I get too much of this, or I don't come out of it? And and I didn't, and I didn't wanna go Google it real quick. You know what I mean? Cause

• 1:34:23Speaker 05

  No. You freak yourself out.

• 1:34:26Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:28Shawn Ryan?

  And so I was just like, alright, and they just kept saying like, just like the I began, you have to trust the medicine. Let it do, let it take you where it's gonna take you. Deal with whatever it puts in front of you. Whether it's a visualization, whether it's a uh uh some type of an emotion or intuition, whatever it is, allow it to to do what it needs to do. I'm like, alright. I mean, this stuff like takes a lot of courage. I'm not gonna lie. And at least for me, it did.

• 1:35:00Shawn Ryan?

  And so I go out, I'm first one. And I didn't know how I I was like, should I go first? Should I not go first? I really don't wanna see Marcus Capone screaming, going ape shit before I go do the exact same thing cuz he's a big dude. You know, he's like almost seven foot tall. And and I'm like, man, I don't. Alright, I'm going. You know what I mean? I I I was like, I'll go first cuz I'm this. If I see somebody else, it might freak me out even more.

• 1:35:32Shawn Ryan?

  So I go and I'm like sitting there and I'm like looking at Trevor and he's like, are you ready? And I'm like, man, I'm like, I'm like real nervous, man. And uh he's like, it's fine. He's like, it's gonna be fine. Just just trust the medicine. Everything's gonna be fine. And uh so we did this, so you're supposed to do it three times. And they call it a handshake. And he's like, I can give you like the full thing all at once. Or I can do a handshake. And what the handshake is, is it's kinda like the first one's like a handshake. Like, hey, I'm getting to know you. I'm just gonna give you a a little bit.

• 1:36:12Shawn Ryan?

  And then the second one, I'll give you a little bit more. And then the third one is like the most powerful dose. And I was like, I'll take the handshake method. And uh.

• 1:36:24Shawn Ryan?

  So.

• 1:36:27Shawn Ryan?

  So we're sitting there. And.

• 1:36:32Shawn Ryan?

  I do it, you know, I do like a long twenty to thirty second inhale.

• 1:36:39Shawn Ryan?

  Put my arms out, he's like, hold your breath. Start to count backwards from ten, as soon as I started counting.

• 1:36:48Shawn Ryan?

  All, I had my eyes closed. All these colors, like it was like this explosion of color, like a kaleidoscope of.

• 1:37:00Shawn Ryan?

  Red, magenta, pink, orange, yellow, and it was just like. Like, that's all I could see were all these colors. And it was like in a, it was like a kaleidoscope, it just. My.

• 1:37:16Shawn Ryan?

  Eyelids were just an explosion of color, I start to count backwards from ten. I don't know if I even hit seven and I was like boom, you know, hit the pillow. Close my eyes. Still have my eyes closed, I guess, and, and. Man, it was, it was the most anxiety. I had ever felt and probably and the most fear I had ever felt in my entire life. And. I don't know exactly what my mind was dealing with at that particular moment in time, but I knew it was dealing with a, a.

• 1:37:59Shawn Ryan?

  Lot of negativity and a lot of stuff. And I just started yelling at the top of my lungs, I was like, go in there. Go in there, get in, I mean, yelling, screaming it and.

• 1:38:20Shawn Ryan?

  Like I feel like I'd never yelled like that before in my life. Like it was, it was intense.

• 1:38:28Shawn Ryan?

  In my, you know when you get like a muscle spasm?

• 1:38:31Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:38:32Shawn Ryan?

  In like a very like pinpointed part of your body?

• 1:38:35Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:38:35Shawn Ryan?

  I felt like I had like fifty muscle spasms.

• 1:38:41Shawn Ryan?

  Going all over my body at once and I was my, like all of them were like shaking. It wasn't like a spasm though. It was like. You know what it felt? It was like when you put the tens unit like for my back.

• 1:38:53Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 1:38:53Shawn Ryan?

  You know, when you put the tens unit on me and like my, you can see my back muscles start like. Doing all these things.

• 1:39:00Speaker 05

  Jerking around.

• 1:39:01Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah, contorting my body. That's what it felt like, but all these little pinpointed places all over my body and I could really feel it the most. In my back. And like right here in my glutes. Which come to find out that's and in my neck, which is areas that you hold a ton of stress.

• 1:39:24Speaker 05

  Hmm.

• 1:39:24Shawn Ryan?

  And. That was just shaking. And I was, like I said, I yelled, I think two or three times, like as loud as I was like, get in there. Like. I was telling myself, like, deal with this. Like this is in front of you. You're gonna deal with it right now.

• 1:39:42Speaker 05

  But you don't know what it was.

• 1:39:44Shawn Ryan?

  No, it's like, it's like, it's very, it's, it's a feeling, it's an intuition. It's, I don't know what it was. I can't pinpoint it. I just know it felt. Like a ton, like all of the bad shit that has happened to me. All the anxiety, all the negative energy, everything was just, it felt like it was getting sucked out of my body. And.

• 1:40:11Shawn Ryan?

  And I could, it felt like things were going like light speed, like through, like through my, it felt like it was like going through my veins, you know, and then exiting through my fingers. Cause I, I remember my hands opened up like, like that, like this, and

• 1:40:35Shawn Ryan?

  and I could just feel like all this, like flowing right out, same with my toes, it was coming out of my toes. And

• 1:40:44Shawn Ryan?

  and it was just, it was, there was no visualizations at all, like the color was gone, it was black, and it was just, it took me to like my most vulnerable point I'd ever been in. And, and then I had, this wasn't a visualization either, this is more of like another intuitive feeling. I felt like there was like this black tar or like goop or something on my heart. And on my heart and like my major arteries.

• 1:41:21Shawn Ryan?

  And it felt like this like goo or, or tar or whatever like was dripping off.

• 1:41:31Shawn Ryan?

  And then, like, and it was a full, like I was, I was one hundred percent like letting this do what it needed to do. There was, I wasn't fighting it. I was like trying to coach myself and encourage myself to, to deal with whatever this was. And um, and there's like when you felt that last drop come off your heart, off of my heart, it, it felt like it had sucked, it felt like first it had sucked all the bad stuff out of me. Like negative energy, traumatic events, all that felt like it was like sucked out of my body. It like, it extremely fast paced.

• 1:42:17Shawn Ryan?

  Then then the tar came off and that felt like it was my ego. I it's so hard to describe. It's ineffable. And it felt like my ego was now being sucked out of me, like I no longer cared about

• 1:42:38Shawn Ryan?

  anything.

• 1:42:43Shawn Ryan?

  And then I've felt

• 1:42:49Shawn Ryan?

  it's like I felt my soul

• 1:42:53Shawn Ryan?

  rise out of my chest. And it just kept rising in the

• 1:43:01Shawn Ryan?

  I nobody knows this, but I'm gonna say it, but the only feeling that I ever have felt that was even somewhat similar to this was

• 1:43:15Shawn Ryan?

  when I used to live in Columbia. I overdosed on cocaine. And all I remember was not being in my body.

• 1:43:28Shawn Ryan?

  But like I was in, I wasn't like I was down looking at myself, but I remember not feeling like I was in my body. And I looked up and and these people were like trying to get me to drink water and like

• 1:43:44Shawn Ryan?

  waking me up and all this other shit and and that is the but it was like this, that my cocaine overdose felt like

• 1:43:54Shawn Ryan?

  a small fraction of what was being what was happening right here, right now.

• 1:44:02Shawn Ryan?

  And once my ego got sucked out of me.

• 1:44:08Shawn Ryan?

  It was like the most amazing feeling in the world. The most. And like I said, there was a lot of anxiety right before that and and and more than I'd ever felt. And way more than I've ever felt.

• 1:44:25Shawn Ryan?

  And

• 1:44:30Shawn Ryan?

  And I, they brought in like this person to teach us breath, breathing techniques before we did the I began. And I remembered the breathing techniques and I slowed my breathing down in my nose, out my mouth. And it's like right about, almost simultaneously when I thought about the breathing techniques, that's when my, I felt like my soul was coming out of like, just, it felt like my body was melting into the earth and my spirit or my energy or whatever you wanna call it was like rising above me. And so, I opened my eyes and I was under a palm tree and I remember seeing palm tree leaves, these birds flew over and I just remember, the first thing I thought was, I

• 1:45:14Shawn Ryan?

  was like, I can't, I can't believe, uh, how blue the sky is right now. And, and it, and I, actually the first thing I thought was, when I, when I started those breathing techniques, it felt like my breath turned into the earth breathing. And also at the exact same time, this sounds weird and, you know, whatever, like it's, if you don't have an open mind, you're not listening anymore anyways, but it, I, I swear, I felt, uh, I felt and heard the earth's vibration.

• 1:45:58Shawn Ryan?

  The earth has a vibration. I don't care what anybody says, I felt that, I heard it. And it was like the most beautiful thing I'd ever heard in my life. It was the most beautiful feeling I had ever felt in my life. And I swear it was God. Or, but it wasn't like you're meeting somebody. There was no visualization. What I saw was there, you know what I mean? It was, it was the exact same stuff that I saw before I closed my eyes and fell backwards, you know, and I was, but I was looking up.

• 1:46:39Shawn Ryan?

  And it was just this overwhelming feeling of peace and, and welcomeness and zero judgment. Like zero judgment.

• 1:46:57Shawn Ryan?

  And you didn't wanna leave.

• 1:47:02Shawn Ryan?

  And I thought about you and Sunny. And while I was in that state of mind, I was telling myself, I was like, let it go. Everything's gonna be fine. I was saying, my wife, Sunny, let everything go. Let it go.

• 1:47:28Shawn Ryan?

  And every time I said, said it, it like felt better. And it takes you to this state of mind where you.

• 1:47:39Shawn Ryan?

  This kinda maybe sounds a little bit.

• 1:47:44Shawn Ryan?

  Weird, but it was like, okay, like I wasn't, it was okay that I was going somewhere that.

• 1:47:53Shawn Ryan?

  You feel like you're going somewhere and you're not coming back and where you're going is perfect. And you don't wanna come back. And it's okay. It was saying it now, it sounds selfish, but I wasn't, it was okay that I was leaving you and Sunny behind and. And then I kinda forgot about everybody and everything. All of it, I just, it just, everything going on up here is gone.

• 1:48:23Shawn Ryan?

  And it's.

• 1:48:26Shawn Ryan?

  It's heaven.

• 1:48:30Shawn Ryan?

  And I felt, this is a handshake dose. And I remember sitting up.

• 1:48:39Shawn Ryan?

  And I could still hear and feel the earth's vibration. I think this is actually like, I think at that point I had hit the peak of the medicine.

• 1:48:50Shawn Ryan?

  And I sat up and I remember looking, I saw the ocean, I saw everything.

• 1:48:59Shawn Ryan?

  That I saw before, I fell backwards.

• 1:49:04Shawn Ryan?

  But every you, for the first time in my life, I realized that every single thing on this planet is connected through this energy, through this earth's vibration, or the vibration of the universe. And, and you could, and everything made perfect sense. Everything was perfect. Everything was beautiful. Everything was in perfect unity. And it was just this flow of energy that you could, you could, it's not like you could see it, but you could see it. You could feel it. You could feel your energy going into the grass, going into the earth. You could feel the ocean. You could feel the air. You could feel the energy of Trevor next to me.

• 1:49:50Shawn Ryan?

  The palm tree, the bushes, everything was, everything out there is 100% interconnected. It is all, for the first time you see it, you, it's like, and it's immediate. You're like, oh, man, like, I've had it wrong. Everything on this earth is connected through this energy. The entire universe is connected.

• 1:50:18Shawn Ryan?

  And Trevor asked me if I wanted a little bit more, and, and I said, I'm, I said, I'm, I'm really good where I'm at. I don't, I don't need anymore right now. And I just wanted to like, live out this experience because every, it was just, I remember a bug was, oh, and then also when I came, when I opened my eyes, the first thing I wanted, the first thing I did was move the blanket so that I could touch the grass. And, and then I, I got off, when I sat up, I, I crawled off the blanket. I just wanted to be in the grass, feel the grass, and like, the minute you put your hand

• 1:50:59Shawn Ryan?

  on it, you feel like this energy come out of your hand, it goes into the ground, and it's everything. Everything is one thing.

• 1:51:15Shawn Ryan?

  And I was crying and I was laughing and it was like it was a happy cry though. And um, and then I s- I came down.

• 1:51:29Shawn Ryan?

  And uh, I said, okay, I'm I'm ready to do it again. And uh, he was like, you're sure? And I was like, yeah.

• 1:51:36Speaker 05

  Were you nervous again?

• 1:51:37Shawn Ryan?

  I was nervous again, but I knew there was more. And uh, and it's not, you don't know what else there is, but you know that there's more. And it wasn't like I wanted to go through it again. I felt like there was more that I had to deal with, whatever that is. I felt like I had to deal with it. And uh, he said, all right, well, let's move back. And I was like, I I wanna do it here. And uh, I was like, is that all right? And he's like, yeah. And he's like, all right, move the blanket up. And I was like, I don't want the blanket. He's like, bring the pillow. And I was like, I don't want the pillow. I just wanna be on top of nature.

• 1:52:22Shawn Ryan?

  And he's like, okay. And I was like, actually, can I do it up there? Cause up there was like, you're kinda, you're not on a cliff, but you're on a steep hill. And he's like, ah, that's kinda close to the cliff. And I was like, all right. Well, can we move those benches out of the way? I didn't want anything man-made in my field of view at all. Nothing. All I wanted to see was just.

• 1:52:49Speaker 05

  Earth.

• 1:52:49Shawn Ryan?

  Earth. So they moved the benches out, same exact thing.

• 1:52:56Shawn Ryan?

  Deep inhale, hold thirty seconds, colors came back, fell back. Anxiety goes through the roof again, a lot of fear again. Almost the exact same thing. I don't feel like I was shaken quite as bad uh, with all the muscle spasms, but it was, they were definitely there. And it all happened all over again. Except it felt, when I came out of it, it felt even more powerful. And and I felt like I could feel the energy of the universe even more. And it was just so overpowering. And uh.

• 1:53:39Shawn Ryan?

  And the next thing that happened is I had this intuition. There were no visualizations. It was all intuition.

• 1:53:51Shawn Ryan?

  I had this intuition that Gabe was like right there.

• 1:53:59Shawn Ryan?

  And uh...

• 1:54:04Shawn Ryan?

  And uh...

• 1:54:09Shawn Ryan?

  I started crying and um... I just started saying Gabe's name and I was like, "Gabe." I was like, "Gabe." And I just started like crawling towards the something. But there was nothing there. It was just a presence that I felt uh with my own intuition, like an energy that was like, literally like just steps away from me. I crawled towards it and I just knew that like

• 1:54:40Shawn Ryan?

  he was there.

• 1:54:42Shawn Ryan?

  And everything was fine and uh... And I was happy for him, that he was in this space.

• 1:54:52Shawn Ryan?

  And um... And then I started, and then that presence kind of faded away and I started looking around again and I could once again, I just, my breath turned into

• 1:55:05Shawn Ryan?

  everything. Just... It's all one thing.

• 1:55:13Shawn Ryan?

  We are all one thing.

• 1:55:16Shawn Ryan?

  And I remember digging my hands into the like blades of grass and I was, and I saw this bug like moving around. And you know, normally I would have like smashed that bug and killed it and I was like "How can anybody like kill anything?" Like what, like what is that? All of this is perfect. It's exactly the way it's supposed to be. And um...

• 1:55:46Shawn Ryan?

  And I was like crying and I was happy and I looked over at Trevor and I'm not gonna say it right now because I

• 1:55:55Shawn Ryan?

  but I admitted something to him.

• 1:55:59Shawn Ryan?

  Told him about

• 1:56:02Shawn Ryan?

  something that I felt very guilty about.

• 1:56:07Shawn Ryan?

  About my service record. And the SEAL teams and then

• 1:56:16Shawn Ryan?

  and I just like told him this thing that I'd I'd told one person in my entire life. And that was my doctor that I spent three and a half years in therapy with. And I never even told her when I was in therapy. I told her when we went back to Boca Raton to visit family and I we went out to lunch and I told her then like

• 1:56:39Shawn Ryan?

  three years after I stopped doing three and a half years of therapy.

• 1:56:46Shawn Ryan?

  And I told Trevor who I'd known for four days.

• 1:56:53Shawn Ryan?

  And he asked me how it felt to say that and I said it felt I said it feels fucking amazing. And I started crying and I was happy and and um and then I started coming down but I was

• 1:57:15Shawn Ryan?

  I was just at complete peace. My my ego had been completely sucked out of my body and um

• 1:57:25Shawn Ryan?

  and I knew what it was like to die.

• 1:57:30Shawn Ryan?

  And

• 1:57:36Shawn Ryan?

  it was like I said, it was similar to when I overdosed on cocaine.

• 1:57:45Shawn Ryan?

  But beautiful. When I overdosed on cocaine, I was thinking, this is great. You know, I'm gonna die here on this piece of shit floor in Colombia. My parents are gonna be like, yeah, that's my son. He overdosed on cocaine in Colombia. Nobody found him for six months. And uh, this was totally different. This was like, I was dying, but I didn't care about anything, nothing.

• 1:58:21Shawn Ryan?

  And the one thing I did feel, I felt, the one thing I was not ready for, and this is during the bliss, it wasn't even during the anxiety before you felt the bliss, was I felt like there was farther I could go uh, in that feeling or in that state of consciousness.

• 1:58:42Shawn Ryan?

  But

• 1:58:45Shawn Ryan?

  I didn't wanna come back. But the only thing that was holding me from going farther into that state of consciousness was I felt like you and Sonny needed me here. And if I went any farther, I didn't feel like I was going to come back. And so I stopped myself from going there. And as, and when I did come down, Trevor asked if, he's like, do you wanna do the third one? And I said, you know, I said, I'm, I'm really um, I'm really thankful and I'm comfortable with, with what I just experienced and I wanna do it again, but I said, I'm not, I'm not ready to do that right now.

• 1:59:29Shawn Ryan?

  And uh, I was, I just said, I wanna, if it's okay, I would like to come back and, and, and

• 1:59:38Shawn Ryan?

  when I'm ready. And he said, yeah, that's, you know, that's, he's like, that's why they call it a journey, you know?

• 1:59:46Shawn Ryan?

  And then I went over and I told Marcus that same thing.

• 1:59:53Shawn Ryan?

  And then he shared something with me and, and and then I just said, you know, I was like, I only have like one question left and

• 2:00:07Shawn Ryan?

  I said, I don't understand where evil even comes from. After what I just saw, I don't even know how it exists.

• 2:00:16Shawn Ryan?

  And I said,

• 2:00:19Shawn Ryan?

  if there were evil or bad energy that walked into my field of view at that specific moment in time, at that level of consciousness that I felt,

• 2:00:32Shawn Ryan?

  it would have stuck out like a sore thumb. It would have been

• 2:00:37Shawn Ryan?

  like, it would have stuck out so much that if, if I was in a black room and there was a spotlight on something, it would have stuck out that much. I mean, you just felt everything on earth at that moment in time that is in your field of view and even out, which is, like I said, this is very intuitive type, new level of consciousness.

• 2:01:04Shawn Ryan?

  And

• 2:01:08Shawn Ryan?

  everybody kind of was like, man, that's

• 2:01:13Shawn Ryan?

  that's a, that's a good question. And

• 2:01:22Shawn Ryan?

  so what that does is it basically that the five M E O D M T,

• 2:01:30Shawn Ryan?

  it takes you to the most vulnerable,

• 2:01:35Shawn Ryan?

  the most vulnerable state that you've ever been in. And if you allow it to keep going

• 2:01:43Shawn Ryan?

  and you really give yourself up,

• 2:01:48Shawn Ryan?

  then it rewards you. What does that sound like? It sounds like the Bible, right? Jesus's teachings or something and that's exactly what that was. And

• 2:02:03Shawn Ryan?

  yeah. Now is my experience.

• 2:02:09Speaker 05

  That's amazing, babe.

• 2:02:14Shawn Ryan?

  So I know there's still more to go.

• 2:02:19Shawn Ryan?

  And

• 2:02:23Shawn Ryan?

  I'm gonna do it again.

• 2:02:26Shawn Ryan?

  But everybody everybody in the world needs to experience that. And

• 2:02:37Shawn Ryan?

  it was the most euphoric,

• 2:02:41Shawn Ryan?

  the most life-changing, the most life-changing experience I've ever felt. And

• 2:02:53Shawn Ryan?

  so now everybody's probably wondering, you know, well, what did you, what did you get out of it? You know, other than

• 2:03:03Shawn Ryan?

  an extreme high in experiencing the universe's energy, which half the people are probably like, oh yeah, whatever. I don't care. I don't care anymore about what anybody thinks. And

• 2:03:19Shawn Ryan?

  so here's what I got out of it, you know, after being home for a week today.

• 2:03:28Shawn Ryan?

  I have zero anxiety. I don't get anxious around people. I don't get anxious in traffic. I don't get anxious on the plane. I have zero anxiety. All of my anger is gone.

• 2:03:46Shawn Ryan?

  All of it. I'm 100% in the moment when I'm talking to you. I'm 100% in the moment when I'm talking to Sonny, or when I'm playing with Sonny. And you can attest to that, how he's doing things that he's never done with me because I've

• 2:04:07Shawn Ryan?

  have something different about me.

• 2:04:10Speaker 05

  A new energy.

• 2:04:13Shawn Ryan?

  That's all gone. I didn't, I'm pretty sure we've been talking for about two hours now. I haven't forgotten what I'm talking about one time.

• 2:04:31Shawn Ryan?

  I did a two and a half hour live last night on Patreon. I didn't forget what I was talking about one time. I did a ninety or fifty minute video edit on the Mexico migrant camp with a speech in between. Didn't forget what I was saying one time. I haven't forgotten what I'm talking about mid-sentence since I've gotten done with this. Since this experience. So whatever TBI damage was making that happen, and I do believe it was TBI, that is gone.

• 2:05:16Shawn Ryan?

  That is fixed.

• 2:05:21Shawn Ryan?

  I've had eleven pounds sucked out of me. I had the night sweats every night for a week, and you felt that.

• 2:05:28Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 2:05:29Shawn Ryan?

  You know, when I came home.

• 2:05:34Shawn Ryan?

  I have, and I'm not making it a point to stop drinking or anything. I'm not making it a point. This is taking zero effort. There's no craving. I haven't had one drink in over two weeks. I don't miss it. I don't crave it. It's taking zero effort. I don't want it. I keep, and I'm not making it a point. If I want to take a drink again, I'm going to take a drink. But I don't want to. Not only that, I haven't smoked marijuana. I haven't taken Adderall. I haven't taken any sleep medications.

• 2:06:19Shawn Ryan?

  I haven't taken any of my heartburn medications from whatever's going on with my esophagus. I haven't had any sugar. Or maybe I've had sugar, but I haven't, I have a sweet tooth. You know that? I haven't had any, I have no craving for candy. Nothing. Haven't had any candy or sweets in over two weeks. I haven't had any potato chips, any french fries. I don't have any carb cravings, you know, in over two weeks. And I keep waiting for all this stuff to come back and it's not coming back.

• 2:07:00Shawn Ryan?

  None of those cravings are coming back.

• 2:07:02Speaker 05

  Or coffee.

• 2:07:03Shawn Ryan?

  I haven't had, yeah, coffee, forgot about that. I haven't had coffee in over two weeks. No caffeine, no soda, nothing. Not even sports drinks like Gatorade or what's that stuff we drink?

• 2:07:16Speaker 05

  Body armor.

• 2:07:16Shawn Ryan?

  Body armor, nothing, nothing, no cookies, nothing.

• 2:07:23Shawn Ryan?

  Not one thing. I'm eating, I'm not overeating.

• 2:07:29Speaker 05

  Yeah, we're barely having dinner.

• 2:07:31Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah, we're not even having dinner anymore. We're doing a late lunch and that's it. And I don't even crave food at all. Until I'm up in the morning, then, you know, but I'm more productive than I've ever been in my entire life. I'm not even, we're not even supposed to be working right now. I'm supposed to be letting this sink in, but I'm actually enjoying work. I'm enjoying every, all of it. I'm able to delegate.

• 2:07:59Shawn Ryan?

  We came in, was Tuesday the first day back in?

• 2:08:02Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 2:08:04Shawn Ryan?

  We did four hours, I did four hours of work and I got more done in that four hours than I think I have in six years of business. I mean, a, a day.

• 2:08:14Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 2:08:14Shawn Ryan?

  Not like six years of business, but I was more productive that day than I have been any other day in six years of being in business. Then we came in the next day and it was a full day and I feel like I got like a week's worth of work done in one day.

• 2:08:33Speaker 05

  Cause you probably did.

• 2:08:34Shawn Ryan?

  It's insane what this has done.

• 2:08:38Shawn Ryan?

  I don't get anxious in traffic. I don't get pissed in traffic. I don't care.

• 2:08:43Shawn Ryan?

  I'm not judgmental anymore. I see people coming into work. I see people in the grocery store that normally I would judge. I see, you know, I'm not watching TV, but the few times we have watched TV, I'm not judgment, not judgmental. I don't care about politics. Like I know that shit doesn't even matter. I don't care. You know, the

• 2:09:12Shawn Ryan?

  it doesn't affect me anymore. I'm not comparing myself to my competitors. My resentment's gone.

• 2:09:23Shawn Ryan?

  I don't care what people think of me. It took, look, look, put this in perspective. This, this used to be a gun reviewing channel. It took me two years to phase out of gun reviews. Two years of guns and tactics. I was so tired of reviewing guns and teaching tactics online. I, I couldn't stand it. But I was so worried about, well, what's my audience gonna do? They're gonna leave. They're gonna, it took me two years to transition into this show. And completely leave that stuff behind. And then same with Patreon. It was all guns and tactics and stuff, and there's nothing wrong with that.

• 2:10:06Shawn Ryan?

  But it wasn't me. I was done. That's, that's another life for me. But I was still giving Patreon guns and tactics all the time, even after I quit on YouTube. And then I just stopped that less than a year ago. Now, and what's the latest goal? The latest goal has been, I don't want to just interview operators anymore and tell war stories. Yes, that's important. But I need to keep it fresh. And we've had conversation after conversation after conversation about, well, if I quit interviewing SEALs and Green Berets and And cartel stuff, then nobody's gonna watch anymore. I don't care. You know what?

• 2:10:51Shawn Ryan?

  If they don't watch, I don't give a shit. I don't care. I'm going to do what I wanna do. And I feel like my entire life is like been revealed and fallen into perfect place right before my eyes.

• 2:11:06Speaker 03

  Mm-hmm.

• 2:11:07Shawn Ryan?

  We had a 50% gain in our Patreon prescriptions in two weeks. It was stagnant for a year. And we just grew it by 50% in two weeks. Two weeks.

• 2:11:26Shawn Ryan?

  And I don't, I don't care. I'm gonna do what I wanna do. I'm having Trevor on the show in April. You know, if you would've told me two weeks ago I was gonna have a psychedelic healer on this show, I would've looked at you like you were absolutely insane. He's coming, and I can't wait to interview him. And we have all kinds of new types of guests that are coming on the show, and it's gonna be amazing, and it's gonna be perfect. And if people don't like it, I do not care. They can go somewhere else. I don't care. And I'm gonna do what I wanna do. And what that means is my ego is gone. It was sucked out of me,

• 2:12:11Shawn Ryan?

  and I'm not worried about what other people think. I don't care if they judge me. I do not care at all. And so the sensation you get out of that is, is pure freedom. You're not controlled by the news. You're not controlled by politics. You're not controlled by anything that you can't control. You, for the first time in my life, I realize.

• 2:12:41Shawn Ryan?

  That I can't, that I can't control what people think of me and I don't care. I'm just gonna be myself and if they don't like that, bye, don't care. I don't even care about Instagram anymore. You know, it was, let's do a post, let's do this, let's do that. I gotta post on Insta. I don't give a shit about Instagram. I don't give a shit how many views this video gets. I don't give a shit about how many views my last Sean Ryan show gets. I don't care if they censor me, don't care at all. I can't control any of that shit. I'm just being me and doing what I think is right and bringing truth to the people that I wanna bring truth to.

• 2:13:26Shawn Ryan?

  And it's been amazing.

• 2:13:30Speaker 05

  I know.

• 2:13:35Shawn Ryan?

  Tone about my eyes.

• 2:13:37Speaker 05

  Oh yeah, going back to that, um, they're lighter. That's the first thing I noticed.

• 2:13:46Speaker 05

  The color.

• 2:13:49Shawn Ryan?

  You said the whites of my eyes are whiter and the brown in my eyes is browder and the edges are...

• 2:13:56Speaker 05

  It's a different color babe, altogether.

• 2:14:00Shawn Ryan?

  That's how much toxic shit. I'm not even saying the word fuck very often anymore. I think I said it one other time in probably two hours of talking right now. It used to be every other word. I did it last night too, when I did my Patreon live, it was a two and a half hour live.

• 2:14:25Speaker 05

  And you didn't say it?

• 2:14:26Shawn Ryan?

  I said it one time and I caught, I said, that's the first time I've said this in like an hour and a half. And everybody was like, we all noticed it. And uh...

• 2:14:39Shawn Ryan?

  It's been great.

• 2:14:41Speaker 05

  It has been great.

• 2:14:42Shawn Ryan?

  You know, and especially like right now, Russia is invading, invading Ukraine and the United States is doing absolutely nothing about it. And there's nothing I can do about that. It's, I'm not gonna let it affect my day. There's nothing I can do. I can report on it without it affecting my day. I can read about it without it affecting my day. And, and, and, you know, we just released that Peter Schweizer interview about how China has invested in our entire political system. There's nothing I can do about that. That would ruin my day, ruin my week when I was reading that stuff.

• 2:15:24Speaker 05

  I remember.

• 2:15:25Shawn Ryan?

  And researching that.

• 2:15:25Speaker 05

  That was only two weeks ago.

• 2:15:27Shawn Ryan?

  There's nothing I can do about it. So why let it affect my day? I started meditating. I never meditated. I just-

• 2:15:38Speaker 05

  You never took a minute for yourself ever since I've known you?

• 2:15:42Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah.

• 2:15:43Speaker 05

  So the fact that you're getting up, starting your day for yourself, you know, having that hour or so, just you, you know, I stay in bed, Sonny's asleep, that's, that's huge. That's what I've wanted for you for so long.

• 2:16:05Shawn Ryan?

  I'm sleeping.

• 2:16:06Speaker 05

  Yeah. You're sleeping with out any drugs or alcohol.

• 2:16:11Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah.

• 2:16:12Speaker 05

  And you're dreaming.

• 2:16:14Shawn Ryan?

  I'm dreaming. I haven't dreamt in very few dreams in years. And the dreams I did have were not good, you know? You know that? And you know, the other thing is, you know, I get, I get a lot of texts and a lot of people reaching out and a lot of acquaintances. And I was always so-

• 2:16:45Shawn Ryan?

  I like felt this guilt all the time like, oh, I didn't call so and so back. Oh, I didn't help so and so. I didn't do this. I didn't. I don't care anymore. Like, I'm still gonna help people, but I'm not. I don't feel that guilt when I come home and I have twenty-five text messages that I need to answer about people that I haven't talked to in years, or I don't feel that guilt anymore. It's this is my time with my family and you can wait. And I don't feel guilty having to say that anymore.

• 2:17:20Speaker 05

  Good.

• 2:17:23Shawn Ryan?

  I've been able to delegate jobs. I mean, I was a control freak. And that's another thing that I think with the IbaGain, I said, I said with the five MEO DMT, if you allow it, if you allow it to do what it needs to do, and you let it take you to the most vulnerable point you've ever been in in your entire life, it will reward you. I think with the IbaGain, if you let the IbaGain take control and you relinquish

• 2:17:55Shawn Ryan?

  all the control,

• 2:17:58Shawn Ryan?

  it's weird. By giving up all of the control, you regain control of what matters in your life.

• 2:18:05Speaker 05

  That makes sense.

• 2:18:06Shawn Ryan?

  All the other shit doesn't matter.

• 2:18:09Shawn Ryan?

  None of it.

• 2:18:12Shawn Ryan?

  And

• 2:18:16Shawn Ryan?

  yeah.

• 2:18:19Shawn Ryan?

  It's been an amazing trip.

• 2:18:23Speaker 05

  So for somebody watching, would you recommend that they do both?

• 2:18:28Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah.

• 2:18:30Speaker 05

  IbaGain first and then five MEO DMT?

• 2:18:33Shawn Ryan?

  I think.

• 2:18:35Speaker 05

  Do you think the way they have it set up is perfect?

• 2:18:38Shawn Ryan?

  I wouldn't change anything about that program. Not one thing.

• 2:18:44Shawn Ryan?

  You know, I even.

• 2:18:47Shawn Ryan?

  We were talking, uh, you know, with, uh, I had lunch with Marcus and Amber in Coronado on my way home and, um.

• 2:18:56Shawn Ryan?

  You know, and they're, they have a big push with, uh, getting legislation pushed on getting this legalized here in the United States and I s- And I hope they do, you know, I hope it works.

• 2:19:07Speaker 05

  Me too.

• 2:19:09Shawn Ryan?

  But I, I did tell him, I said, you know, one good thing about it being outside of the US is like, this is a serious commitment. It takes a week

• 2:19:21Shawn Ryan?

  to do it and people, and it's not accessible. It's kinda hard to get to and

• 2:19:31Shawn Ryan?

  so by having it that way, you're only gonna get the peop- you're not gonna get like the people that just think they're like, oh, I'm gonna go do some psychedelics. You're getting like.

• 2:19:41Speaker 05

  It filters them out.

• 2:19:42Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah. You're getting people that are committed to getting better. That are, you know what I mean? They're tired of.

• 2:19:51Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah, you're gonna filter them out. Perfect way to put it. And, um. And I just hope people donate to them because that's

• 2:20:04Shawn Ryan?

  that's one of the only rea- there's two reasons why.

• 2:20:10Shawn Ryan?

  Three reasons why I'm

• 2:20:13Shawn Ryan?

  spilling my guts with this experience right now. One.

• 2:20:18Shawn Ryan?

  I wanna raise money for Marcus and Amber's Capone's vets organization because of what it did to me and I know it's real. Two. Not just if you're a vet, if you are a vet or a special operations vet, I don't know. You gotta talk to them, but if you're struggling and none of the other stuff's working and the VA or your doctor is just pumping you full of prescriptions.

• 2:20:48Shawn Ryan?

  Stop that shit and give this a chance. It will change your life forever.

• 2:20:56Shawn Ryan?

  And three.

• 2:20:59Shawn Ryan?

  Even if you're not a vet. Everybody needs to experience this.

• 2:21:07Shawn Ryan?

  The world would be a hell of a lot better of a place if they did. Because you do realize none of this other shit matters.

• 2:21:19Speaker 05

  That's powerful stuff, babe.

• 2:21:21Shawn Ryan?

  Yeah.

• 2:21:29Shawn Ryan?

  So, if you are listening to this and you made it through this entire podcast,

• 2:21:36Shawn Ryan?

  please go to Vets, I'm gonna link everything below, and donate.

• 2:21:45Shawn Ryan?

  Donate to them. This is changing.

• 2:21:49Shawn Ryan?

  This is changing lives for the better. It's saving marriages, it's saving lives. It's getting people off serious opiate addictions, alcoholism, all kinds of drugs by resetting the receptors. Stanford's doing a study.

• 2:22:07Shawn Ryan?

  And so far, I think that they said they may have, I think it was thirty people they put through this.

• 2:22:16Shawn Ryan?

  They do a brain scan before they go down and do the I V gain. And then they go back after they do the I V gain. They don't even do the five M E O D M T yet. And they go back and Stanford is completely dumbfounded on the brain scan afterwards because the entire brain is lighting up. People are using all, a lot more of their brain. I can't say all of their brain, because I don't know, but, but it's all lit up. Whereas before it was just, it sounds like it was just two parts. Now it's the entire brain is lit up.

• 2:22:56Shawn Ryan?

  And they can't explain why. And this shit comes from a root. And five M E O D M T comes from a toad. Not from Big Pharma.

• 2:23:08Speaker 05

  Yeah.

• 2:23:09Shawn Ryan?

  Nobody's making major bucks off of this. It grows naturally. And the earth is from the earth, from nature, and it's working better than any pharmaceutical prescription that you can get.

• 2:23:25Speaker 05

  Mm-hmm.

• 2:23:29Shawn Ryan?

  Let's think about that. And how evil Big Pharma is. And how evil the government is that's being paid off by Big Pharma for not making this legal.

• 2:23:42Shawn Ryan?

  They are murdering people by not legalizing this.

• 2:23:48Speaker 05

  That's a shame.

• 2:23:49Shawn Ryan?

  That's our government.

• 2:23:54Shawn Ryan?

  But we can't control that.

• 2:23:57Speaker 05

  No.

• 2:23:58Shawn Ryan?

  But you can control making the decision to go down there and get better on your own.

• 2:24:05Shawn Ryan?

  And you said it best.

• 2:24:08Speaker 05

  What's that?

• 2:24:09Shawn Ryan?

  Attraction, not persuasion.

• 2:24:13Speaker 05

  No. Attraction rather than promotion.

• 2:24:16Shawn Ryan?

  Perfect.

• 2:24:19Shawn Ryan?

  I'll leave it at that.

• 2:24:21Speaker 05

  I love you.

• 2:24:22Shawn Ryan?

  I love you too.

• 2:24:43Speaker 06

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