Hard Truth - Keep the Friend Circle Small

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• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 1:30Shawn Ryan?

  Do you know who the most important person in the world to me at this particular moment in time is? Right now?

• 1:39Shawn Ryan?

  You are.

• 1:51Shawn Ryan?

  How do I develop friendships or relationships that actually mean something that are going to last for a very long time?

• 2:03Shawn Ryan?

  What does everybody say? They say they keep the circle small, right? And then you ask them, why do you keep the circle small? And what do they say? They say, I'm tired of getting screwed over. I am tired of people violating my trust. I am tired of feeling used. What do they say? They say, people lie, cheat and steal. And I, I, they do, they do. It happens all the time. It happens to me. Unfortunately, that's just part of life and you are going to go through those things and you need to go through those things. It's a learning process. Instead of wasting your time being pissed because you got used or you got screwed over, look,

• 2:49Shawn Ryan?

  think about what did you do to put yourself in the position to be able to be screwed over, learn from that and never put yourself in that position again? Now, we're getting off topic here and that's a completely another, that's a whole nother subject, but what makes a good friend? What do we all think makes good friends? All right?

• 3:10Shawn Ryan?

  You want somebody that you can trust, right? Well, to develop trust, that takes a lot of time, right? You want somebody that you have confidence in. It takes a lot of time to develop confidence with somebody. You want somebody you can depend on. You want somebody that's reliable. You want somebody that's gonna be there for you when you need them, right? All of those things take a lot of time. Remember, when it comes to building a relationship, it's just like anything else. You get what you put into it and what you put into it is your time. So, let's go through a little math here. I think I have a better way to explain this.

• 3:56Shawn Ryan?

  So, let's just get to it. All right?

• 4:01Shawn Ryan?

  So, we'll say we have

• 4:06Shawn Ryan?

  Mr. Popular here.

• 4:09Shawn Ryan?

  Okay, Mr. Popular,

• 4:14Shawn Ryan?

  he has, he has all kinds of friends for, for, uh, easy math, we'll say he has 24 friends. So, 24 friends. All right, and then there's, there's Sean over here, me.

• 4:33Shawn Ryan?

  Shawn has four friends. That's it. I only have four friends. That's about the right amount of people I have in my circle excluding families. So take a look at that. All right. So all these tick marks, right? That's Mr. Popular. He has 24 friends. Then you have Shawn over here. Am I pointing the right way? He has four friends. All right.

• 5:01Shawn Ryan?

  So bear with me. Let's do some math. All right. There's 24 hours in a day. Correct? 24 hours in a day.

• 5:15Shawn Ryan?

  That means Mr. Popular can only give one hour a day to all of his, you know, 24 friends that he keeps in his circle. So what do we have to do? We have to sleep, right? They say you need eight hours of sleep a night. Okay, now you have 16 hours left. You gotta go to work. All right, you go to work. Most people work eight hours a day. That's

• 5:42Shawn Ryan?

  eight. Eight hours left in the day that aren't used up, right? So then we gotta get ready for work. We gotta do the dishes. We gotta

• 5:52Shawn Ryan?

  do chores, whatever, all kinds of shit that we don't want to do, right? We'll just, well, for easy math, we'll say one more hour. So we have seven hours left in the day. Okay? Seven hours to spend with the people in our circle. So seven hours times 60, that's 420 minutes. 420 minutes divided by 24 people. 17.5 minutes per person. Okay? So we'll do the same thing. For Shawn, he only has four friends. So we divide his by four. That's

• 6:38Shawn Ryan?

  105 minutes, which equals one hour and 45 minutes left, or one hour and 45 minutes to spend with each of his four friends. Okay? So.

• 6:55Shawn Ryan?

  Going back here, Mr. Popular, right? He has 24 friends. He can only spend 17 minutes and 30 seconds with each of his 24 friends. Shawn over here with the small circle of only four friends can spend an hour and 45 minutes with each one of his friends per day. Now, earlier, we talked about what makes friends, right? Confidence, trust, all that good stuff. And what did we say? That takes a lot of time to develop confidence, trust, somebody that's going to be there for you, all that kind of good stuff.

• 7:38Shawn Ryan?

  So, my question is, who do you think is going to develop those relationships faster? Is it going to be Mr. Popular, who has 24 friends? And he can only dedicate 17 minutes and 30 seconds to each friend per day? Or is it going to be Shawn, who has four friends? And he can dedicate one hour and 45 minutes to each friend per day? I think you're getting the gist of what I'm saying. You're going to develop longer-lasting, more meaningful relationships and friendships by keeping the circle small, okay? Be selfish with your time and who you spend it with.

• 8:22Shawn Ryan?

  Here are some things that I think about when I'm spending time with people and I'm trying to decide who gets that time. I heard this phrase a while, actually, it's a question some time ago, and it really resonated with me, and it made a lot of sense. And so, I'm going to ask you the question right now. Do you know who the most important person in the world to me at this particular moment in time is, right now?

• 8:52Shawn Ryan?

  You are.

• 8:55Shawn Ryan?

  So with that being said, think about that for a minute. Just think about it. You are blowing everybody else in your life off to spend time with whoever that person is. That's very hard to argue. Whether you want to admit it or not, whoever you're spending your time with at that particular moment in time is the most important person in the world to you. You could be spending it with anybody else, but you're spending it with that particular person. So with that being said, now that you've given the person that you're spending the time with the title of the most important person in the world to you at that particular moment in time,

• 9:42Shawn Ryan?

  maybe that will help you decide who you want to give that title to before you just give it away. Be a little more choosy. It makes a hell of a lot of sense, doesn't it? Now, here's another thing.

• 10:04Shawn Ryan?

  Here's the circles, right?

• 10:08Shawn Ryan?

  So every time you spend time with somebody outside of your circle,

• 10:17Shawn Ryan?

  you're saying no to somebody in your circle. So what does that mean? Think about it. Every time you say yes to somebody that's not in your circle, you are taking time away from somebody in your circle that deserves your undivided attention and your time.

• 10:37Shawn Ryan?

  The more time that you put into the relationship with the people that you love, that you want to be friends with, the more you're going to get out of it is you're investing in your relationships. So if you are a poor investor and you invest in shit that doesn't matter,

• 10:56Shawn Ryan?

  then you're just going to have a bunch of shallow relationships that mean absolutely nothing and nobody's going to be there for you. So be choosy with your time. Time is everything when it comes to relationships.

• 11:11Shawn Ryan?

  I hope that helps.

• 11:25Speaker 05

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