Pod Insights Sh**ged Married Annoyed Please Keep Me Anonymous with Ed Gamble About this episode On this week's podcast Chris and Rosie are joined by comedian, podcaster and TV Host Ed Gamble!
As well getting nostalgic about their Edinburgh Days, the trio discuss star signs, Real House Wives and Rosie reveals why she thinks she is addicted to her extended family...
Ed talks about his upcoming tour Fresh Hell, his new TV Series Unacceptable and he reads one of your horrible stories!
For tickets to Ed's tour visit edgamble.co.uk
You can watch Unacceptable on TLC at 9pm from July 5th
If you want to get involved and have your stories and voice
notes included on the podcast, then get in touch!
📧: [email protected]
📱: 07874 406650
You can watch the podcast on the Shagged Married Annoyed
YouTube channel: youtube.com/@shagged.married.annoyed
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Transcript 0:01 Speaker 00 This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Football has a play for just about everything. You can go deep, keep it on the ground, or draw up something nobody sees coming. And whether you want to run a flea flicker or the tush push, you need a plan to fit your unique situation. That's why State Farm takes the time to get to know you, so they can help personalize coverage for your life and budget. Now that's a solid game plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.
0:29 Speaker 01 Visible puts the ultimate wireless hack in the palm of your hand. With unlimited 5G wireless data and hotspot, designed to keep you connected, powered by Verizon's 5G network. And, no contract holding you back. Plans start at $25 a month, or get the premium Visible Plus Pro Plan and save $10 on your first month when you use promo code HACK. Make the switch at visible.com. Terms apply. See visible.com for details.
0:59 Speaker 02 Hello, you are listening and watching Shagmardinoid. Please keep me anonymous.
1:02 Speaker 03 Part of the Shagmardinoid Extended Universe. And we are joined this week by a very good friend of mine, the very talented, very busy and fantastically funny Ed Gamble. Ed Gamble, I mean, he's just, he's just such a lovely fellow and we just had such a good chat.
1:17 Speaker 02 It's nice to hear him being interviewed, not, I mean, not that, not that we interview, let's say. But, you know, because he, he hosts so many things, so many podcasts.
1:27 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:28 Speaker 02 Incredibly funny guy. Just a really good chat, really nice chilled chat.
1:31 Speaker 03 Yeah.
1:32 Speaker 02 Talks about his new tour, which he's got.
1:34 Speaker 03 Yes, he's got a new tour, Fresh Hell, which we'll see him perform more than 60 dates across the UK, starting in Ipswich on the 30th of January 27. I'm sure he's going to add more all over the place as well. He's also on, talking about his new panel show on TLC, starts July 5th at 9pm. It's called Unacceptable. He explains what it's all about. It sounds great. I was, again, I was supposed to go on, but I couldn't fit it in my schedule. If they get a second series, I'd be well up for it.
1:56 Speaker 02 I think you'd be good at that.
1:57 Speaker 03 It looks fantastic. Yeah. And it sounds great.
1:59 Speaker 02 Mm-hmm.
2:00 Speaker 03 So, enjoying. If you're watching this on YouTube, please subscribe. We're very, very helpful indeed. Enjoy, guys.
2:15 Speaker 03 When did you turn 40? In March. So you were 1986, baby. 1986 all the way. As are we. Congratulations. Thank you very much. Good year to be born. When, when are you guys?
2:26 Speaker 02 August.
2:26 Speaker 03 August. Both of you? Both of us. God, it turns out you're twins. That's terrible.
2:30 Speaker 02 August the, August the 3rd.
2:31 Speaker 03 This is 27 days.
2:33 Speaker 02 Yeah, yeah. August the 3rd and August the 30th. So it's 0330.
2:39 Speaker 03 But we're different star signs. Really looking like that ma- that means something.
2:43 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah.
2:44 Speaker 03 There is a fact, no, there's a very, there's a very sort of little thing in my head that often goes, oh, we, like, we could be related. We grew up really close to each other. Yeah. Imagine. And that's how it works up there, isn't it?
2:56 Speaker 02 Yeah.
2:57 Speaker 03 Yeah. It's fine. Keep it in the family.
2:59 Speaker 02 You just start putting it in the bucket and share it out.
3:03 Speaker 03 And you do look, a lot of people, when we first met, thought you were, like, looked a lot like my brother. Yeah. Didn't know. Yeah, yeah.
3:10 Speaker 02 The plot thickens.
3:11 Speaker 03 Exactly. That's it. Yeah. What star sign are you? Pisces. Nice. How you knew that?
3:16 Speaker 02 You, you, you should, you'd strike me as a man.
3:18 Speaker 03 Who doesn't, who doesn't know what star sign they're?
3:21 Speaker 02 You strike me as a man who doesn't believe in any of that.
3:23 Speaker 03 No, I don't believe in any of it, but you do. Everyone knows their star sign. No, you know what it is. Oh my God, at what age do you know your star sign? That's interesting. Like, my kids have never asked. Oh, really? I think early doors, I think I had some sort of framed picture that someone bought me when I was born.
3:36 Speaker 02 Ah, yeah, I had a little book thing of it all. Yeah. It's just something, you know, before iPads and that, it's just something, something to just run them through. Do you know what I mean? Oh, there's a thing about star signs.
3:46 Speaker 03 Have a look at your book again. Stop crying and look at your star sign book. I used to have a star sign book every day. It was every day. What star signs are you? I'm a Virgo. And what does that mean? I'm a bitch. Oh, perfect.
3:58 Speaker 02 Oh, actually, hold on, there might be something to this.
4:12 Speaker 02 No, but I'm very loyal, fiercely loyal. Virgo is like top serial killers of the world are Virgos. But also like.
4:23 Speaker 03 Wow, weird that you led with that.
4:25 Speaker 02 I know, it is weird that I led with that. Just like, not horrible people, but will get shit done.
4:30 Speaker 04 So you're saying serial killers aren't horrible people?
4:33 Speaker 02 No, they are the horrible people.
4:34 Speaker 03 Say it again, say it again for the microphone then. Are serial killers horrible people? Yes or no?
4:38 Speaker 02 I think they're misunderstood.
4:39 Speaker 04 Depends who they're killing. If you think about Dexter.
4:41 Speaker 03 Yeah, Dexter's a good one.
4:42 Speaker 04 He was killing other serial killers.
4:44 Speaker 03 Yeah, he's doing the good ones.
4:45 Speaker 02 Do you have never seen Dexter?
4:46 Speaker 04 If you're not, it's good. Series four is very good. It goes downhill after that.
4:49 Speaker 03 Yeah, I just remember thinking, I am on series two here and I know it still goes to nine series. So I know they don't catch them. So I don't care.
4:57 Speaker 04 I think he gets off with his sister towards the end as well. So it'd be perfect for you two.
5:00 Speaker 03 Happy days, happy days. Weren't they married?
5:04 Speaker 04 I think they might have been actually.
5:04 Speaker 03 They got together, got married and got divorced in the full stretch of that show happening, if I remember rightly.
5:09 Speaker 02 With his sister?
5:10 Speaker 03 Nice sister in real life. His acting sister.
5:13 Speaker 04 His on, his on screen sister.
5:14 Speaker 03 His on screen sister.
5:15 Speaker 02 He married his sister?
5:16 Speaker 03 Fuck me.
5:17 Speaker 02 In real life? It's just in the show.
5:19 Speaker 04 In real life, they got married. In the show, they were brother and sister.
5:22 Speaker 02 Oh God.
5:23 Speaker 04 But also in the show, I think they.
5:25 Speaker 03 End up getting together.
5:26 Speaker 04 End up getting together as well.
5:27 Speaker 03 I like the idea that that was his naught to the director. You know what? Married now. Why don't the characters just?
5:33 Speaker 02 I don't like that at all.
5:33 Speaker 03 Why don't the characters just fuck each other as well?
5:35 Speaker 04 But that's disgusting. Yeah, but come on, it'd be easier.
5:37 Speaker 02 I don't like that at all. Have you got brothers or sisters?
5:39 Speaker 04 I've got half brother, half sister.
5:40 Speaker 02 Nice.
5:41 Speaker 04 Yes. So I've got one complete sibling if you put them together.
5:43 Speaker 02 Oh.
5:44 Speaker 04 Yes. But I normally just say brother and sister because it's half, it sounds harsh, doesn't it?
5:49 Speaker 02 It's, yeah, I've got, so my cousins' children, they're like half sisters, but I would never, ever call them half sisters because they're just sisters.
5:58 Speaker 04 And your cousin, your cousin's children are your half siblings?
6:03 Speaker 03 No, half cousins.
6:03 Speaker 02 They're my half cousins.
6:04 Speaker 04 Half cousins, okay.
6:05 Speaker 02 But I just call them my cousins.
6:07 Speaker 04 Yeah, that's.
6:08 Speaker 02 But they're younger than me.
6:09 Speaker 04 But also cousins don't mean anything anyway, do they?
6:11 Speaker 02 Oh.
6:13 Speaker 02 Wow.
6:14 Speaker 04 Well, they're always cousins. It's like.
6:15 Speaker 02 You haven't got cousins?
6:16 Speaker 04 I've got loads of cousins.
6:18 Speaker 02 I've got, how many do you think?
6:19 Speaker 04 But I'm not like, oh, I better phone my cousins.
6:24 Speaker 04 I see him and like, alright, yeah.
6:26 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
6:27 Speaker 04 Fine, you know, I got on.
6:28 Speaker 02 You've not got a group chat with your cousins?
6:30 Speaker 04 No, I don't have a cousins group chat, no.
6:31 Speaker 02 No, okay.
6:35 Speaker 04 I'll see him at family events and I get on with him very well, but I'm not like.
6:38 Speaker 03 Oh, I've got cousins that might as well be strangers.
6:40 Speaker 04 Yeah.
6:40 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, I've got like, yeah.
6:41 Speaker 02 I say I'm really close to my cousins.
6:43 Speaker 03 Yeah, I could walk past some of my cousins in the street and I wouldn't have a fucking clue.
6:46 Speaker 04 Yeah.
6:46 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
6:47 Speaker 04 They'd know who you are though.
6:48 Speaker 03 Yeah, that might they would.
6:49 Speaker 04 Yeah, because they're all bragging, aren't they?
6:51 Speaker 02 Do you think?
6:52 Speaker 04 That's my cousin they're saying.
6:55 Speaker 02 That's really sad that you're not close to your cousins.
6:56 Speaker 03 Oh, fucking, who cares, man?
6:58 Speaker 02 Me, I've got like 25 cousins and.
7:00 Speaker 04 Name them.
7:01 Speaker 02 Do you want me to?
7:02 Speaker 03 Yeah. Jesus.
7:03 Speaker 02 Okay.
7:04 Speaker 04 I want to hear all 25.
7:05 Speaker 02 There could be more than that now.
7:07 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah.
7:07 Speaker 02 So I'll go from the top.
7:08 Speaker 04 Yeah.
7:09 Speaker 02 All right.
7:09 Speaker 04 Are you going oldest?
7:10 Speaker 02 I'm going oldest.
7:11 Speaker 04 Yeah.
7:11 Speaker 02 Jimmy, Philip, Dean, Kate, Nina, there's me, Sophie.
7:18 Speaker 03 You're counting yourself as one of your cousins?
7:21 Speaker 04 24, she's got 24, eh?
7:22 Speaker 02 And then, then there was, then there was Sophie, um, not my brother, uh, then there was.
7:30 Speaker 04 We're on, we're on seven for anyone, keep in common.
7:33 Speaker 02 Millie, and then, then people started having children, so then there was, um, Lacey, Leila.
7:43 Speaker 03 Kate.
7:43 Speaker 02 Kate.
7:44 Speaker 03 Poppy Ruby.
7:45 Speaker 02 Poppy Ruby.
7:46 Speaker 03 Anna.
7:47 Speaker 02 Anna, he's part of the family now, he's in the group chat.
7:51 Speaker 02 Um, then there's Tommy, there's Sonny.
7:56 Speaker 02 And there, what am I up to?
7:57 Speaker 03 15.
7:59 Speaker 02 Did I exaggerate the 25?
8:00 Speaker 03 You exaggerated by nine, which is really, really embarrassing.
8:03 Speaker 02 When I'm not done yet.
8:05 Speaker 03 This is a great podcast, by the way. How often does this happen on podcasts that you're on?
8:09 Speaker 04 I think Guess the Cousins is a whole new format.
8:16 Speaker 02 I think I'm exaggerating.
8:17 Speaker 04 You've exaggerated the number of cousins. Well, we all do it, don't we?
8:20 Speaker 02 Also, when I say 25 cousins, it is also including me and my brother and sister. So there's three that I've had to miss off.
8:26 Speaker 04 But they're definitely not your cousins.
8:27 Speaker 02 They're definitely not my cousins, but they're in the cousin family.
8:30 Speaker 04 They're in the cousin family.
8:31 Speaker 02 Yeah, and I've missed them out that I can't think of.
8:33 Speaker 04 I've got the four, I've got the new format.
8:35 Speaker 03 Welcome to the dream restaurant, cousins or siblings.
8:37 Speaker 02 Josh, I've missed people out.
8:40 Speaker 04 You've missed Josh, yeah. That's nice, though, that Chris knew the name of some of your cousins in the correct order.
8:45 Speaker 03 Oh, they're all I was hanging about.
8:46 Speaker 04 Charlie can't remember the name of anyone in my family.
8:48 Speaker 03 Excellent.
8:49 Speaker 04 When we go to family occasions, I have to like basically do flashcards before we get there. Or follow a random whisper in her ear like I'm a royal aide.
8:57 Speaker 03 Like VP.
9:01 Speaker 04 And then we came away from a family occasion once and I said, can you remember anyone's names? She's lovely, she gets on with all of them, but it's just names, names just don't stay in her head.
9:09 Speaker 02 Right.
9:10 Speaker 04 And I was like, tell me some of the names. And the only one she could remember was Wilf, which is my uncle's dog.
9:17 Speaker 03 I love the idea of someone was called Wilf, yeah, it was the fucking dog. All right, okay.
9:23 Speaker 03 Made an impression, made an impression.
9:26 Speaker 02 I struggle with names, that's something I do. I'm really sane.
9:29 Speaker 04 Not just then.
9:30 Speaker 02 No, well, that, they've been in my life for a long, long time.
9:33 Speaker 03 I'm bad, I've always been bad.
9:34 Speaker 02 But I struggle to remember names.
9:34 Speaker 03 You're good the way, you play the game, you remember names of people you've worked with and you're...
9:38 Speaker 04 Yeah, big time.
9:38 Speaker 03 You're the man, you know how to do this.
9:40 Speaker 04 Chris, Rosie.
9:41 Speaker 03 Yeah, well done.
9:42 Speaker 04 Daisy.
9:47 Speaker 02 You are, you're here to talk about stuff that you've got going on.
9:50 Speaker 04 Yeah, thank you, you're so good at this. And what a lot of interviews don't do is they don't have that smooth transition from general chat into the plug-in section.
10:01 Speaker 04 And a lot, a lot of people, a lot of people won't, won't sound really annoyed when talking about it and look at their cards at the same time.
10:08 Speaker 03 Be honest with you, Ed, because let's all be honest to you, she just wants you to name your cousins.
10:12 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
10:15 Speaker 02 You've already upset us the fact that you don't speak to any of them.
10:17 Speaker 03 Yeah, I do it now and again, but...
10:20 Speaker 02 We all live differently.
10:21 Speaker 04 Yeah.
10:22 Speaker 02 And that's fine, it's something I'm comfortable with.
10:23 Speaker 03 It makes you sad, doesn't it? It makes you really sad. You hate it when people are in each other's pockets.
10:29 Speaker 02 But I often wonder if that's an unhealthy way to live because do we still, we always say we live in our hometown because it is beautiful, we love living there. But do I live in my hometown because I'm addicted to my family?
10:42 Speaker 03 My family.
10:43 Speaker 04 It's a good Jeremy Kyle episode title.
10:44 Speaker 02 Yeah, I'm totally addicted to, I'm just addicted to saying me nana. Like, I'm just, I can't move away because I would like miss everybody so much. But is it holding us back?
10:55 Speaker 03 I wouldn't be going to rehab for it anytime soon because you're going to be very embarrassed when you have to stand up and say, my name's Rosie and I'm addicted to saying me nana.
11:04 Speaker 04 Heroin addicts out there like, what the fuck?
11:08 Speaker 03 Heroin addicts out there who actually sold his nana.
11:11 Speaker 02 I haven't told, I'm gonna tell you something really quickly.
11:13 Speaker 03 Okay, Ed's here, but yeah, okay.
11:15 Speaker 02 I'll tell you both.
11:15 Speaker 04 I can't wait to talk about my stuff though.
11:18 Speaker 02 We're gonna get you so fucked up.
11:20 Speaker 03 Will you shut up about your stuff? We're talking about how Rosie's addicted to my nana. How fucking selfish and thoughtless.
11:26 Speaker 02 You're coming in to talk about yourself. It's disgusting.
11:29 Speaker 04 Do you think you'd go cold turkey with your nana or would you?
11:32 Speaker 02 It's gonna come one day, but yeah.
11:33 Speaker 03 Oh god.
11:36 Speaker 03 The problem is, right?
11:36 Speaker 04 So I think you should start weaning yourself off now.
11:39 Speaker 03 Do you know what the problem is, Ed? The problem is, we get people on sometimes who we know very well. And we've all worked together, me and you go back very long. And Rosie's worked with you multiple times. So the professionalism's just disappeared.
11:49 Speaker 04 Out the window and that's fine. Now that's what people want to hear on podcast, you know?
11:53 Speaker 02 I didn't think that was that bad.
11:55 Speaker 03 Rosie, you literally went, there was a very implied.
11:57 Speaker 04 You almost went, oh.
12:01 Speaker 03 Fucking hell, what are you, what are you doing?
12:04 Speaker 02 We're talking about the, no, I need to tell you, I haven't told you this.
12:06 Speaker 03 Okay.
12:07 Speaker 02 Oh, it's gonna sound really shit now, but I'm gonna tell you this anyway. It might, it might get cut. I'm obsessed with watching Real Housewives.
12:12 Speaker 04 Yes, which, which particular place? Any of them?
12:15 Speaker 02 I'm up to date on all of them.
12:16 Speaker 03 If there are women with fake tits screaming, she's watching it.
12:21 Speaker 02 You didn't come to my event.
12:23 Speaker 04 Cause I'm a Beverly Hills head personally.
12:25 Speaker 02 Yeah.
12:25 Speaker 04 Cause that's the best.
12:27 Speaker 02 I would disagree, but that's fine.
12:29 Speaker 04 Are you Orange County?
12:30 Speaker 02 No, still no. I'm in New Jersey.
12:33 Speaker 03 Ruffer.
12:33 Speaker 02 Um, Potomac, Atlanta, yeah. And.
12:37 Speaker 03 If there was a Real Housewives of like, you know, local shitholes, should watch it.
12:42 Speaker 02 No, because you need the wealth in there. I'm not gonna watch shitholes.
12:44 Speaker 03 Right, okay.
12:45 Speaker 02 I like to look at the houses.
12:46 Speaker 04 The UK ones I'm not.
12:48 Speaker 02 Okay.
12:49 Speaker 04 Chester, I was not.
12:49 Speaker 02 No, not, not totally, no. I like the, America just seems that little sort of bit, what's the word?
12:57 Speaker 04 Exotic.
12:58 Speaker 03 It's foreign.
12:59 Speaker 02 It's just, it's not like, it's not.
13:01 Speaker 03 It's foreign. No, it's removed.
13:04 Speaker 04 They talk funny, don't they? They do talk funny.
13:08 Speaker 03 Do you know their steering wheels? Their steering wheels are on the other side.
13:13 Speaker 03 No, what you mean is it's, it's, it's far enough removed where you don't get any kind of personal shame from watching it.
13:18 Speaker 02 Yes.
13:18 Speaker 03 Yeah.
13:19 Speaker 02 But I understand the language.
13:20 Speaker 03 Yes.
13:20 Speaker 04 Yeah.
13:21 Speaker 02 Um, this is, my story is shit, by the way.
13:24 Speaker 03 Great.
13:24 Speaker 02 But on, just talking about like cousins and, and trauma and stuff like that, on an episode recently.
13:30 Speaker 03 Didn't mention trauma, I can't.
13:31 Speaker 02 Of Real Housewives of Rhode Island, which is really good.
13:34 Speaker 03 Yes, I've heard it's good.
13:35 Speaker 02 Really, really good. And one of the ladies, um, they were doing this thing about when they were talking about what like upset them and one of them was like, I was homeless when I was younger, blah, blah, blah. One of the ladies got really, really upset because she hadn't had any sort of trauma in her life, but she knew that something was coming. Like, like she, she got, she started crying and getting upset going, nothing bad's ever happened to me, but I know that one day, one day it will.
14:01 Speaker 03 Wow.
14:02 Speaker 04 So getting upset about nondescript future trauma.
14:04 Speaker 02 Yeah.
14:05 Speaker 04 Because that's scary if you don't know what it's going to be, right? You don't know what to watch out for.
14:08 Speaker 03 Could be much worse than being homeless.
14:09 Speaker 04 Yeah.
14:10 Speaker 02 They did, well, the rest of the group did not enjoy it.
14:13 Speaker 03 It was, it seemed very different. That's the kind of thing I would say.
14:15 Speaker 02 Oh, it's good though. But what good, it's such a good telly.
14:18 Speaker 03 That's great.
14:19 Speaker 02 I just love it.
14:20 Speaker 04 I need to get back into one of them.
14:21 Speaker 03 Back to where it's fucking stuff, right?
14:23 Speaker 02 You can't have Beverly Hills, you need a different one.
14:25 Speaker 04 Well, I started Atlanta from the beginning. I need to go back to that because I was enjoying it and I like NeNe Leagues.
14:31 Speaker 02 NeNe, yeah, she's not in it anymore.
14:33 Speaker 04 No.
14:33 Speaker 02 She's just recently sued Bravo.
14:35 Speaker 04 No point in watching it then.
14:36 Speaker 03 Just suing Bravo.
14:37 Speaker 02 Yeah, they all end up suing them at some point.
14:39 Speaker 03 Wow.
14:40 Speaker 04 Or they don't want to film the show anymore. Was it, was it Denise Thingy who?
14:45 Speaker 02 Denise Richards.
14:46 Speaker 04 Who, when they were filming it, didn't want to be in any of the edits, so she just kept saying Bravo over and over again.
14:50 Speaker 02 She kept shouting Bravo, Bravo, Bravo.
14:51 Speaker 04 Because if you say the name of the, if you say the name of the network, then they won't put it in the edit because it takes you out of it.
14:56 Speaker 02 But they did keep it in though.
14:57 Speaker 04 They did keep it in though.
14:58 Speaker 02 They sometimes, they've started over the last like five years to break the fourth wall.
15:03 Speaker 03 Wow.
15:03 Speaker 02 Because they never used to, but now they break the fourth wall and they're kind of like talk about, oh, it's just.
15:07 Speaker 03 There's a similar hack, if you're ever doing live at the Apollo and you only want them to use the 10 minutes that you want them to use, make the other 10 minutes completely unbroadcastable.
15:16 Speaker 04 Yeah.
15:17 Speaker 03 Yeah, so you go, here's me 10 minutes about, you know, me dog and me car and here's the 10 minutes about, you know, that time I got me fist caught up me own arse and they're not going to put that out.
15:28 Speaker 02 Yeah, and they might. I thought you were going to say, just say Apollo, Apollo, Apollo.
15:31 Speaker 03 Apollo, Apollo, Apollo. Oh no, I love that.
15:33 Speaker 04 They love that.
15:34 Speaker 03 They love it. They've got it written 40 foot high letters behind you, man.
15:37 Speaker 04 What I was tempted to do was, you know, when they used to have celebs in the, in the audience and you could be like, oh, chat about them was just to do that, even when the celebs weren't there.
15:46 Speaker 03 Exactly, yeah.
15:47 Speaker 04 Linford Christie's in tonight? See if they'll cut to an old, an old, old footage of Linford Christie.
15:52 Speaker 02 They'd have to find it.
15:53 Speaker 03 Night, these puma contact lenses.
16:00 Speaker 00 This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Football has a play for just about everything. You can go deep, keep it on the ground, or draw up something nobody sees coming. And whether you want to run a flea flicker or the tush push, you need a plan to fit your unique situation. That's why State Farm takes the time to get to know you, so they can help personalize coverage for your life and budget. Now that's a solid game plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.
16:28 Speaker 01 Visible puts the ultimate wireless hack in the palm of your hand. With unlimited 5G wireless data and hotspot, designed to keep you connected, powered by Verizon's 5G network. And no contract holding you back. Plans start at $25 a month, or get the premium Visible Plus Pro Plan and save $10 on your first month when you use promo code HACK. Make the switch at visible.com. Terms apply. See visible.com for details.
16:58 Speaker 05 Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.
17:30 Speaker 02 Speaking of the Apollo.
17:31 Speaker 03 Yes.
17:31 Speaker 02 And performing live in comedy.
17:33 Speaker 03 This is it, this is it.
17:34 Speaker 02 You're going on tour.
17:37 Speaker 03 So much better. That's how it's done.
17:39 Speaker 04 Yeah.
17:40 Speaker 02 I'm looking at camera.
17:42 Speaker 04 I am going on tour. Thank you, Rosie.
17:44 Speaker 02 Yeah, congratulations.
17:45 Speaker 04 I'm doing a brand new show called Fresh Hell, starting in late January 2027.
17:50 Speaker 03 It's a lovely title and I did enjoy the video you put out promoting it as well.
17:54 Speaker 04 With the hat.
17:54 Speaker 03 You put it again, yes.
17:55 Speaker 04 Thank you very much.
17:56 Speaker 02 I've not seen it.
17:57 Speaker 03 Were you at a bar? Were you standing in a bar when you did that?
17:59 Speaker 04 Yes, it was in a dive bar called Blondie's, which is a really fun dive bar. I'd only ever been there at like probably 1am forward from that, 1am and later.
18:10 Speaker 03 You went during the day at the family, I bet it was sad.
18:11 Speaker 04 Oh God, it's miserable. When you go to those places in the day.
18:14 Speaker 03 It's horrible.
18:14 Speaker 04 Really gross. You're like, this is where I hang out? You're killing me.
18:18 Speaker 02 Do you still go out at 1 o'clock in the morning?
18:20 Speaker 04 No, it's on the rare occasion that my wife's like hyped up after like a night out. She's like, come on, let's go for another drink.
18:26 Speaker 02 Nice.
18:26 Speaker 04 Fine, I'll come and have a White Claw at Blondie's.
18:30 Speaker 04 Can't have a full beer, it's gonna unsettle my stomach before Betty buys.
18:34 Speaker 02 Yeah, 40 this year, my mum's going, it all goes down young. Um, what, what's it about?
18:42 Speaker 04 We're not doing what's it about. We can't be doing what's it about.
18:44 Speaker 02 What's it about?
18:45 Speaker 04 We can't do what's it about.
18:46 Speaker 02 I wanna know what stage of life that you're at.
18:48 Speaker 04 You both know that if the show starts in late January, it's currently June. I don't have a fucking clue what it's about.
18:55 Speaker 02 Well, I don't know that.
18:56 Speaker 04 I've got, at the moment, it's about turning 40 and toilet brushes. But that surely, you know, you start writing a show and you're like, that's, if that's what it's about by the time I go on tour, I'm in serious trouble.
19:07 Speaker 03 Ed, have you learnt nothing from our early years together? Invent a word. Remember, my first two, Ed got so much enjoyment out of the fact that my first show was called agrophobia.
19:18 Speaker 04 Agrophobia.
19:18 Speaker 03 Invented word. Second was, oh, which one was it? Offamation.
19:22 Speaker 04 Offamation, of course.
19:24 Speaker 03 Can you remember what you told me I had to call me third one?
19:26 Speaker 04 Brollypop.
19:27 Speaker 03 Brollypop.
19:30 Speaker 04 So that was in my head as a genuine show that you did.
19:34 Speaker 04 Was it your second or third show that you did Brolypop?
19:36 Speaker 03 You've gaslit yourself into thinking that Brolypop. What's it, the Mandela Effect?
19:40 Speaker 04 Yeah, Mandela affected myself into thinking he did a show called Brolypop.
19:44 Speaker 02 What was the first one about? I never saw that.
19:46 Speaker 03 Agrophobic.
19:47 Speaker 02 What was it about?
19:48 Speaker 03 About, uh, didn't like, avoid confrontation.
19:50 Speaker 04 Oh, thanks, ever. It's actually very clear from the title, that's all.
19:54 Speaker 03 Yeah, agrophobic. Yeah. How dare you? Why are you putting faces? That was a really good title.
19:59 Speaker 02 No, it, when you explain it, but I wouldn't just think.
20:02 Speaker 03 Yeah.
20:02 Speaker 02 Agro, you are scared of, of, are you scared of confrontation?
20:05 Speaker 03 Used to be, hard as fuck now, mate. Presumably you're too blue about a fight, anyone I couldn't give a fuck.
20:10 Speaker 02 Oh yeah, we had a chat about that, didn't we?
20:12 Speaker 04 That's so much to prove. He used to be quite sort of fey and weak.
20:16 Speaker 02 Till he met me.
20:17 Speaker 04 Yeah, that's it, that's what did it.
20:19 Speaker 03 Do you know what it was? It was the self-confidence that you get from having so many cousins in your corner.
20:30 Speaker 03 I'd be like Tyler, the Korean.
20:31 Speaker 02 They do, they do, they love you.
20:32 Speaker 03 He's got like sixty odd, well, he's got sixty odd people in Wolfgang.
20:35 Speaker 04 Yeah, they're your D12.
20:37 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah, yeah, they are my D, my D25.
20:39 Speaker 04 Yeah.
20:40 Speaker 03 Yeah.
20:40 Speaker 02 What was it we were talking about recently? Oh, I'm gonna, sometimes I go a bit dark.
20:45 Speaker 03 Hmm. Oh, she tries to kill comedy.
20:47 Speaker 02 No, I don't.
20:48 Speaker 03 Sometimes she tries to kill comedy.
20:49 Speaker 02 No, I just sometimes talk about life, but.
20:51 Speaker 04 Edgamble.co.uk for tickets, by the way.
20:54 Speaker 02 Oh, no, yes, they know who you are.
20:55 Speaker 03 You don't want to tell them what it's about, eh? You don't want to tell them what it's about, eh? You can't do that, man.
20:59 Speaker 04 You're right, look, if people are watching this, they know I exist.
21:02 Speaker 03 Yeah.
21:03 Speaker 04 And they've probably seen that I'm going on tour, so just, do they can come if they want.
21:06 Speaker 02 This bit isn't gonna get clipped up.
21:07 Speaker 03 We're giving them a nudge.
21:08 Speaker 02 We won't do, the bit, these, there'll be the funny bits and then we'll write underneath.
21:12 Speaker 04 All right.
21:13 Speaker 02 Ed Gamble comedy.
21:14 Speaker 04 So it'll be the cousins, it'll be the cousins stuff, won't it?
21:16 Speaker 02 It might be the cousins of all the Real Housewives.
21:18 Speaker 03 I think he's trying to get it in before you get dark, I think that was the point.
21:21 Speaker 04 Yeah, that was it, I just wanted to, before you bring the mood down, I just wanted to get the plug on.
21:24 Speaker 02 I don't have to bring the mood down.
21:25 Speaker 03 Come on, you might as well, we're ready for that.
21:26 Speaker 04 I obviously want to hear what you're gonna say now.
21:27 Speaker 02 No, just talking about recently, was it in, I now sometimes can't remember if it's been a conversation in our house or in the podcast studio.
21:34 Speaker 04 Okay.
21:35 Speaker 02 Um, and that's where we're at, so come back.
21:38 Speaker 04 That's dark, by the way.
21:44 Speaker 04 That's one of the saddest things I've ever heard in my life.
21:50 Speaker 02 Was this a monetized conversation or was this a real conversation?
21:54 Speaker 03 Was this a wasted conversation or was this?
21:57 Speaker 03 Was this one that went towards the pills? Yeah.
22:05 Speaker 04 Do you ever say to each other in your own house as a married couple, do you ever use the phrase, save it for the pod?
22:09 Speaker 02 Yes.
22:10 Speaker 04 So bleak.
22:10 Speaker 03 All the time.
22:11 Speaker 04 So bleak.
22:12 Speaker 03 All the time.
22:12 Speaker 02 It's not though.
22:13 Speaker 03 It's good, man.
22:13 Speaker 02 It's not that bleak because it's, we've got a really nice house. And if I just have to say a little bit of content to share with people, I don't mind.
22:23 Speaker 04 So you never have to talk to each other anyway because you're in separate wings.
22:26 Speaker 03 Do you know what it is though? Yeah, exactly. It's the, it's the, we'll be seeing something or someone will do something and the other one just goes.
22:35 Speaker 03 Writing a dat and you go, all right, you're fucking, you're weaponizing that one, are you?
22:39 Speaker 02 But I don't know marriage any other way.
22:41 Speaker 03 Yeah, we don't actually, to be fair. It's been, it's been nearly the entire time now. We've been married as a podcasting couple longer than we've been married as a non podcasting couple. Do you know that?
22:50 Speaker 02 Oh God, that's, have we?
22:53 Speaker 03 Yeah. We've been doing this seven years and we've been married 11 or something. So yeah, more than half head maths.
22:58 Speaker 02 Wow.
22:59 Speaker 03 Come on then, what's your?
23:01 Speaker 02 I think we've been married, I think we've been together and married like 13 years.
23:05 Speaker 03 Okay. Well, it's even then we've been podcasting together. But we, again, we'll talk about this afterwards.
23:09 Speaker 04 Other guests must have said, this feels like I'm the councillor in this country.
23:14 Speaker 04 Other people must have said this.
23:16 Speaker 02 Maybe?
23:16 Speaker 04 Yeah.
23:20 Speaker 02 No, all the dark conversation.
23:21 Speaker 03 Come on then.
23:22 Speaker 02 You said that you now, just because you do Brazilian Jiu Jitsu and because you're like a man or whatever, you wish that somebody would start on you.
23:32 Speaker 03 Yeah, sometimes I invite it.
23:34 Speaker 02 So that you can just fight.
23:36 Speaker 04 Toxic, Chris.
23:37 Speaker 03 Really toxic, really toxic, isn't it?
23:39 Speaker 02 But I said as a woman, that's absolutely the complete opposite of what we think.
23:42 Speaker 04 Yeah, but I mean, this is like, he's watched the Louis 3 documentary and gone, that's a good idea.
23:46 Speaker 03 Yeah.
23:46 Speaker 02 Maybe.
23:47 Speaker 03 Yeah, but I've never, I've never looked for it, Ed. And I need them to come. I need them to start. They need to be possibly infirm. Definitely at least double my age or a child.
23:58 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah.
23:58 Speaker 03 Um, completely untrained, my weight or lighter. Um, and yeah, maybe physically impaired in some other way.
24:06 Speaker 04 Yeah.
24:07 Speaker 03 But they have to initiate it.
24:08 Speaker 04 They have to initiate.
24:09 Speaker 03 Yeah, yeah.
24:10 Speaker 04 Maybe you should start streaming on Kick. Just walk around the streets. Looking to be started on.
24:15 Speaker 03 Oh, because I'd get chinned by a pensioner and it would go viral and that would be that.
24:18 Speaker 02 But was that a private conversation? Because I can't remember.
24:20 Speaker 03 No, I said it on here.
24:21 Speaker 02 Oh, okay.
24:22 Speaker 03 Yeah, I said it on here, but that's absolutely fine. Um, you are the busiest man in comedy the way.
24:26 Speaker 04 No, I don't think so.
24:27 Speaker 03 Yeah, you must be one of. It's insane.
24:29 Speaker 04 I might be, I might be up there in the top 50.
24:33 Speaker 03 You're being.
24:33 Speaker 04 You never know.
24:34 Speaker 03 You're being very, very modest. Eh?
24:37 Speaker 04 I'm no Ramesh.
24:37 Speaker 02 You're not far behind.
24:38 Speaker 04 I'm not, yeah, but I'm not going to be like, oh, I'm doing a play on top of everything else. That's, that's what you did. Where you're like, how and when?
24:47 Speaker 03 Because you got unacceptable on TLC as well.
24:50 Speaker 04 Unacceptable, brand new panel show starting on TLC in July, on July 5th, 9pm.
24:54 Speaker 03 Brilliant.
24:55 Speaker 04 Could go in that Mock the Week slot.
24:57 Speaker 02 Are you allowed to tell anything about that?
24:58 Speaker 04 I can tell you about that because that's filmed and that's done.
25:00 Speaker 03 Right.
25:01 Speaker 04 Other people got to come up with what that was about.
25:02 Speaker 03 I got offered and I couldn't do it because I was on tour, but if you've got a second series, I'd very much be up for it because it looks fantastic.
25:08 Speaker 04 If we get a second series, of course, you're both, you're both welcome.
25:10 Speaker 03 Fantastic.
25:11 Speaker 04 No, not interested.
25:11 Speaker 02 It's not my, I'm not a comedian, so those sort of things.
25:14 Speaker 04 You're funnier than most comedians, aren't you?
25:17 Speaker 02 Ah, I don't know, but they make me want to die.
25:19 Speaker 04 Fair enough, yeah.
25:20 Speaker 02 Like, no.
25:21 Speaker 04 Well, I had a lovely time on the show and.
25:25 Speaker 03 Feel like you want to die July 5th, TLC.
25:27 Speaker 02 No, in, in the edit, obviously there's clever people who put all these shows together.
25:32 Speaker 04 Yeah.
25:33 Speaker 02 But actually being there in person, horrible. I don't know how he's do it. I don't know how he's do it. It's just a competition to talk.
25:39 Speaker 04 Yeah.
25:39 Speaker 02 Having to think and having to like, oh, I've got to say something funny. No, no, not my cup of tea.
25:45 Speaker 04 It was actually quite a laid back panel show record as these things go because the, the main bit of each episode is a comedian will bring on their unacceptable opinion.
25:55 Speaker 03 Yeah.
25:56 Speaker 04 Say what it is. So Ramesh would be, Ramesh said, I think you should pay the royals more.
26:02 Speaker 04 Catherine Ryan had, all men should be, have a vasectomy at birth. And then the audience vote on that top line and say like 95% of the audience find it unacceptable. Then the comedian gets a chance to explain their opinion, do a whole bit about it while other people chip in. And then we test the opinion in studio and then the audience vote again on whether they still think it's unacceptable. And the swing of the votes is the, is the points that they get.
26:27 Speaker 02 That sounds really, actually, I'm really opinionated.
26:29 Speaker 04 Yeah, we, we've also got this round called the Stitch Up, which is like, we've worked very hard to make absolutely genuine, because you both know, there's like, sometimes TV can be a total lie.
26:38 Speaker 03 Yeah, very disingenuous, yeah.
26:39 Speaker 04 We give a comedian an opinion that they've not seen, like genuinely haven't seen up until that moment. They read it out as if it's their own opinion and then they have to defend it.
26:48 Speaker 02 Oh.
26:49 Speaker 04 So we had like Harriet Kemsley open up an envelope and have to read out, all single mothers are lazy. And then absolutely spiral as she tried to defend it. It's a really fun show.
26:59 Speaker 02 That's good. Okay, all right then.
27:00 Speaker 03 That's really good.
27:01 Speaker 04 Really, really fun.
27:01 Speaker 02 And that's on TLC?
27:02 Speaker 04 That's on TLC. Yeah, yeah.
27:04 Speaker 03 Brilliant. July 5th?
27:05 Speaker 04 July 5th, 9pm.
27:06 Speaker 02 Didn't want to look at my card. You've totally put us off looking at my card.
27:09 Speaker 04 Six episodes.
27:09 Speaker 03 Fantastic. And you had Richard, Richard Iwadi?
27:12 Speaker 04 Richard Iwadi is a team captain. Joanne McNally is a team captain. Two more different people you could not hope to meet.
27:17 Speaker 03 Yes.
27:18 Speaker 04 When would those two ever be in the same room?
27:20 Speaker 03 Did they get on?
27:21 Speaker 04 Yeah, they do, actually. They really do. And we all get on. I'd say Joanne, Joanne's the one who's staying for a drink after in the green room.
27:28 Speaker 03 Got you.
27:29 Speaker 04 Richard's got his bike helmet in before I've taken my makeup off.
27:32 Speaker 02 I saw.
27:36 Speaker 04 That's official. Is that genuinely true? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's going on. I'll be like, walking back down to my dressing room and he's like walks past in like, well done, goodbye. And he's got his bike helmet on and his little fold up bike. He's such a, he's such a great man.
27:49 Speaker 03 Oh, he's incredible.
27:50 Speaker 04 And he's so funny.
27:51 Speaker 02 I saw a video, I don't know if you've seen it, I saw online when you were on the Virgin, on the Chris Evans podcast.
27:56 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
27:57 Speaker 02 Where Joanne was saying that she tried to hug Richard. It was just not well received.
28:04 Speaker 03 Imagine us there. I imagine trying to hug him when he doesn't know you're gonna hug him is like gathering a handful of bamboo.
28:12 Speaker 06 Just like wading through it and just squeezing it together and just giving you nothing back.
28:16 Speaker 04 It's actually a wonderful lesson in asking people if they're hookers.
28:20 Speaker 02 Are you a hooker?
28:22 Speaker 04 Yeah, I am. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I still appreciate the question, you know?
28:26 Speaker 02 All right.
28:26 Speaker 03 Do we hug? Can we hug?
28:27 Speaker 04 Can we hug?
28:28 Speaker 03 Yeah.
28:28 Speaker 04 And if I know you, yeah, we're hugging all day.
28:31 Speaker 02 Yeah, you're right, actually. I don't like hugs from people I don't really know.
28:34 Speaker 04 Yeah, without them checking first.
28:36 Speaker 02 Mm hmm.
28:36 Speaker 04 Yeah.
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29:38 Speaker 05 Coca-Cola. For the big, for the small, the short, and the tall. Peacemakers, risk takers. For the optimists, pessimists. For long distance love. For introverts and extroverts. The thinkers and the doers. For old friends and new. Coca-Cola. For everyone. Pick up some Coca-Cola at a store near you.
30:10 Speaker 03 So you don't know this, Rosie, and I don't know how much. There's nothing I don't know about you, Chris. Yeah, no about Edward. About you. So me and Ed go back. So what's really nice is we get people on the podcast, and the people, obviously listeners who know what we do and know me from now, don't know everything I've done back in the day. And when we were, we lived in Edinburgh together.
30:26 Speaker 04 We did.
30:27 Speaker 03 We did one year when we did the Comedy Zone, we lived together, didn't we?
30:29 Speaker 04 2009. And did we live together the year after as well?
30:32 Speaker 03 I don't know, possibly.
30:34 Speaker 04 Yeah, I think we might have.
30:34 Speaker 03 Definitely one year, maybe two. Do you know, Ed took us to probably my first sushi restaurant?
30:39 Speaker 02 Oh god.
30:40 Speaker 04 I, I talked Chris about. I talked Chris about different foods.
30:44 Speaker 03 He taught me about new foods.
30:46 Speaker 02 Thank you.
30:46 Speaker 03 He did. Can you remember what I said when you made some pasta in the house and I?
30:53 Speaker 04 I think it was a stir fry from memory.
30:55 Speaker 03 It was something long, it was something long in it. There was a long thing in it, right? Noodles of spaghetti. Can you remember? I got some, I got some bread.
31:05 Speaker 04 What was it he said?
31:05 Speaker 03 And I got some butter.
31:07 Speaker 04 You got bread and butter with the stir fry, yeah? What did you, what did he say?
31:10 Speaker 03 There's no better than putting a bit of butter on some bread. And he quoted it for the entire month of Edinburgh.
31:19 Speaker 04 What an astonishing thing to say.
31:22 Speaker 04 If someone wrote that in a script about someone from the North East, you'd go, that's a bit on the nose.
31:29 Speaker 02 I know. It's, we've come on a lot since then.
31:33 Speaker 03 I have personally, I think I've grown up a lot.
31:35 Speaker 04 But it's still no better than putting a bit of butter on some bread. I mean, I do, I do agree as well.
31:40 Speaker 02 I have to agree. Crusty bread.
31:42 Speaker 04 Yeah. I don't think it was crusty. I think it was sliced white. And you were dipping it in the, the Asian stir fry I just made.
31:52 Speaker 04 That was also, I'm sure you've heard this story before, that every time Chris used to brush his teeth, I'd run in to brush my teeth at the same time and then try and spit on his hand.
31:59 Speaker 02 I didn't know that.
32:00 Speaker 03 No, I've never told her that. I fuck, I fucking hated that. I hated it so much.
32:06 Speaker 04 Highlighted my night.
32:07 Speaker 03 I hated it.
32:07 Speaker 02 You've never told her?
32:08 Speaker 03 I have, because I hated it. I didn't, I didn't find it funny. I found it irritating. It was the work. Go on, explain, explain it.
32:16 Speaker 04 Yeah. So every time, basically I would wait.
32:18 Speaker 02 Very germ phobic then as well, yeah.
32:19 Speaker 04 I mean, it was an awful thing for me to do, really, because he was genuinely germ phobic. And I'd wait in my bedroom, even if I was like, I want to go to sleep or I've got to brush my teeth, but I've got to wait for Chris to brush his teeth. And then I'd hear him go into the bathroom and it was like, you'd probably hear me just thundering down the corridor.
32:35 Speaker 03 I used to be, he was a big lad.
32:36 Speaker 04 Yeah.
32:37 Speaker 02 Brushing teeth, we're brushing our teeth, Chris.
32:39 Speaker 04 Good fucking hippo running towards him, holding a chuba Colgate. Brush my teeth.
32:47 Speaker 04 And then just wait for him to lean over to spit and I'd spit and I got it on his hand.
32:51 Speaker 02 Oh my god.
32:52 Speaker 03 It's getting so close to us, like you just wait, because we'd wait, sometimes I'd brush for ages. And would like, but it was worse because when he was just building up more, and he had a bigger mouth than me. He was just building up more and he had leaned out, touched the top, spitting, oh god.
33:07 Speaker 02 Oh, that's brilliant.
33:07 Speaker 03 It was very good.
33:08 Speaker 04 And I was trying to get anything in your hair, like any liquid in your big bouffant.
33:12 Speaker 03 Yeah.
33:12 Speaker 02 Oh, you knew Big Bouffant, Chris?
33:14 Speaker 04 Yeah, oh yeah.
33:14 Speaker 02 That, I met, that's when we met, which is crazy to think about, because I did not like that hair.
33:20 Speaker 03 Three years after that, yeah.
33:21 Speaker 02 At all. I never liked that hair.
33:23 Speaker 04 I loved that hair. He looked like one of the soldiers outside Buckingham Palace.
33:31 Speaker 02 Oh god, you actually did.
33:33 Speaker 03 We had a laugh though, didn't we? It was so different as well though, like that's the mad thing about comedy. It was almost like, because I never went to uni. So for me, that was like my uni.
33:41 Speaker 04 Yeah.
33:41 Speaker 03 That was like.
33:42 Speaker 02 You did go to uni?
33:43 Speaker 03 Yeah, but I stayed at home. I went to Sunderland Uni and I stayed at home. It was like, it was almost.
33:46 Speaker 02 You didn't do halls or anything?
33:47 Speaker 03 No, I didn't do any of that. So getting a live, it was me.
33:49 Speaker 02 You haven't got siblings?
33:50 Speaker 03 Yeah, it was me, you.
33:51 Speaker 04 Loads of cousins though.
33:52 Speaker 03 I inherited loads of cousins. It was me, you, Tom Deacon, Jimmy McGee, and we all lived together in this house. And played Xbox together and it was literally like being, it was like being a student.
34:01 Speaker 04 It was really fun.
34:01 Speaker 03 It was so good.
34:02 Speaker 02 Bros before hoes?
34:03 Speaker 03 Yeah. And not, well, no, some of them didn't take that on board, did they? We couldn't bloody get in the living room one night because people were, people were doing sex. We couldn't, I couldn't play on Halo.
34:12 Speaker 04 Me and Chris were bros before hoes.
34:14 Speaker 03 We were bros before hoes.
34:15 Speaker 02 No, he had shit hair in me. It looked a lot different as well.
34:20 Speaker 03 It was like ten stone heavier and yours had toothpaste on his chin.
34:26 Speaker 02 Chin did a lot, it's not nice.
34:28 Speaker 04 How are we not tempting prospects?
34:30 Speaker 03 Unbelievable.
34:31 Speaker 02 I know exactly who it would have been.
34:33 Speaker 03 Yeah.
34:33 Speaker 02 It was Jimmy McGee, wasn't it?
34:34 Speaker 04 Yeah. And Tom Deacon too.
34:35 Speaker 03 And Tom Deacon, pair them. Doing bloody in the living room. We had to go and play Halo afterwards. No.
34:41 Speaker 02 Never understood that. Have you ever done that?
34:44 Speaker 04 What, same, same time?
34:45 Speaker 02 I texted the same room as your friend.
34:47 Speaker 04 No, I couldn't imagine. I've been the friend before though. Awful. Just trying to sleep.
34:54 Speaker 04 Put my, looks like his headphones are asleep most time.
35:03 Speaker 03 Oh, that's so upsetting. I wouldn't, you know me, I would get out, both of you get out now.
35:09 Speaker 04 Yeah.
35:09 Speaker 03 I would ruin the moment.
35:11 Speaker 02 I don't think it happens now. Apparently, you know, the younger generation just aren't doing anything like that now.
35:15 Speaker 04 Times have changed.
35:16 Speaker 02 No, it's not. I think it's just they live on their phones now and nothing like that's happening anymore. They're not getting pissed at parties, they're not getting fingered in the beds opposite their friends. Although they might be.
35:28 Speaker 03 Broken bloody Britain, Ed. Broken bloody Britain, do you know that?
35:32 Speaker 04 I blame woke.
35:33 Speaker 03 Yeah. Although, do you know what? This is genuinely true, right? This is genuinely true. Apparently, the other week, there was something on down at the beach, some event, and some 14-year-olds got arrested for being drunk in our hometown. And I remember thinking,
35:47 Speaker 02 Good.
35:47 Speaker 03 Nature's healing. I'm thinking, nature's healing. The 14-year-olds are spitting on the police again, fighting, getting arrested. We're back. We are so back now.
35:57 Speaker 02 Christmas is awkward because my nephew's 18 and,
36:00 Speaker 04 How many nephews you got?
36:02 Speaker 02 Three.
36:03 Speaker 04 List them.
36:06 Speaker 02 Daniel Oldvanable.
36:07 Speaker 04 Boom.
36:08 Speaker 02 He's turning 18 in December and that kid will not have an alcoholic drink.
36:11 Speaker 03 Really?
36:12 Speaker 02 And the amount that we tried, we're like, just one, just a half a cider?
36:18 Speaker 03 I think that's great.
36:19 Speaker 02 I know, I know.
36:20 Speaker 04 You've got to have your own mind, haven't you?
36:21 Speaker 03 Good for him.
36:22 Speaker 02 Yes, it is, but obviously.
36:22 Speaker 03 And he's in cracking shape.
36:24 Speaker 02 He is. Well, they're just go look on the gym.
36:25 Speaker 04 They go gym now, the kids, don't they?
36:26 Speaker 02 And they really look after themselves, taking, taking all the vitamins and all that shit. Like, we just didn't do that.
36:31 Speaker 04 No, we didn't do that at all.
36:32 Speaker 02 No.
36:33 Speaker 04 No.
36:33 Speaker 02 But whatever.
36:34 Speaker 03 So there we go. Ed, you've got a story for us?
36:36 Speaker 04 Oh, yeah. I've got a story for you guys.
36:39 Speaker 03 Yeah. This happened to you, yeah?
36:43 Speaker 04 Yeah, it's always called Fresh Hell. It's really, it's.
36:46 Speaker 03 Where are you going? Are you going all over the world again?
36:48 Speaker 04 The, the rest of the world isn't booked in yet, but I'll probably go and do some. Probably Australia, New Zealand, America. Maybe some Europe dates. I did some Europe dates on the last tour.
36:58 Speaker 02 That's cool.
36:58 Speaker 04 Which was fun, but it was mainly a holiday with our dear friend, Paul Brown.
37:02 Speaker 03 Yes.
37:03 Speaker 02 Oh, oh, can we talk about Paul for just two minutes?
37:07 Speaker 04 Yeah, sure, actually.
37:07 Speaker 02 Oh, yeah. I love Paul so much.
37:10 Speaker 04 I've got stuff about Paul in my new show as well, actually.
37:12 Speaker 02 Have you?
37:12 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
37:13 Speaker 03 How?
37:14 Speaker 04 I'm not gonna give, I'm not gonna give away anything.
37:16 Speaker 03 Do you know, he was once, you know, Greg?
37:18 Speaker 02 The listener, who is he?
37:19 Speaker 03 Yeah, so he was, he's our, he was our tour manager for, he was my tour manager for one of me, a couple of me tours. And then he did Shag Marigny. And then he's now such a fantastic tour manager. And he now does you, he does Greg Davis, he does every, you know, he's no longer my auxiliary. Yeah, the off menu one. He's no longer my auxiliary tour manager. He's moved on. You know Greg Davies calls him Bobby Two Bots?
37:40 Speaker 04 Yeah.
37:40 Speaker 03 Cause he had two bottles of water in his pants once, so he just constantly calls him Bobby. Bobby Two Bots.
37:44 Speaker 04 Bobby Two Bots, yeah.
37:45 Speaker 02 Well, we call him Snail.
37:47 Speaker 03 Snail?
37:47 Speaker 04 He's got so many names.
37:49 Speaker 02 I don't even know where that, you.
37:50 Speaker 03 Snail came from the amount of times I typed Paul and me phone changed it to pale. So he got pale for a while, then he got snail. Now and then he gets whale.
37:58 Speaker 04 Well, we call him Spooky Richard.
38:01 Speaker 02 Why?
38:02 Speaker 04 Well, his real name's Richard, of course, which blows your mind when you check into a hotel and he hands the credit card over and it says Richard Brown.
38:07 Speaker 03 Yes.
38:08 Speaker 04 And then every sort of season, every big seasonal event, we would give him a new seasonal nickname. And Halloween, it was Spooky Richard. And then when it got to Christmas, I think it became Christmas shit.
38:25 Speaker 03 Dear listener, these are all done with jest. We do love, we love Paul.
38:29 Speaker 04 Oh, he's the best, he's honestly the best man in the world.
38:31 Speaker 02 He's so lovely, isn't he? Just a genuinely lovely guy. Love you, Paul.
38:34 Speaker 03 So there we go. Love you, Paul.
38:35 Speaker 04 You ready for this story?
38:36 Speaker 02 Yes.
38:38 Speaker 04 Dear Chris and Rosie, please keep me anonymous. I work for the police and my favourite colleague used to work in the cells and he has countless stories from being in there.
38:48 Speaker 04 This is good. One day, a man was brought into the cells and of course, you have to be fully searched when you come in.
38:54 Speaker 02 Yeah.
38:55 Speaker 04 He was being very cagey and refusing to show his willy. Understandable.
38:59 Speaker 02 Something's up his willy.
39:00 Speaker 04 I will just quickly say, I find adults using the word willy absolutely repulsive.
39:05 Speaker 03 Yes.
39:06 Speaker 04 It's unacceptable.
39:07 Speaker 02 What do you call it?
39:08 Speaker 04 I mean, anything but willy, I think.
39:10 Speaker 03 Anything but willy.
39:11 Speaker 04 Penis.
39:12 Speaker 03 I, I call my me Spooky Richard.
39:14 Speaker 04 Spooky Richard.
39:15 Speaker 02 No, where did, where did la family?
39:17 Speaker 04 My favourite cousin.
39:22 Speaker 03 I call it my favourite cousin and his two nephews.
39:27 Speaker 04 Two bald nephews.
39:30 Speaker 02 Right, we won't show them his chucky.
39:34 Speaker 04 I think anything that feels slightly infantile is the worst. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, here's what I was thinking. Willie, if you use Willie, it's always about soft, it's always about the soft one, right?
39:46 Speaker 03 Yes.
39:46 Speaker 04 You can't use Willie for hard.
39:48 Speaker 03 A get hard Willie.
39:49 Speaker 04 Yeah.
39:49 Speaker 03 Has never been said.
39:52 Speaker 02 Put your Willie in his, I'm desperate for it.
39:56 Speaker 03 Give me that Willie.
39:59 Speaker 02 I've been thinking about your Willie all day.
40:03 Speaker 04 See what I mean? I feel physically sick now.
40:06 Speaker 03 Can you slow down? Your Willie's hurting.
40:08 Speaker 02 I can't wait to get your Willie in my mouth. It's horrible. Yeah. I do agree.
40:15 Speaker 04 Refusing to show his Willie, understandable, this person says. Asking him to please not look at it. Obviously, this made them think he was trying to sneak something into the cells and they eventually were able to have a look. Guess what this man had wrapped extremely tightly around the end of his wits.
40:30 Speaker 02 Oh, barbed wire.
40:32 Speaker 03 No, that, who see.
40:34 Speaker 02 We've been doing this for seven years.
40:38 Speaker 03 What's wrapped around it?
40:39 Speaker 04 It's not the plot from Saw 11.
40:44 Speaker 03 I don't know why I'm saying this and I don't know why it's the first thing that popped in my head. And strike us down if I'm wrong and if I'm right, it's just a guess. Dental floss.
40:53 Speaker 02 Oh, God.
40:54 Speaker 04 Interesting. What would the purpose of that be, you know?
40:56 Speaker 02 Pleasure.
40:57 Speaker 03 I don't know. Why does anyone do these things?
40:59 Speaker 02 I think I'm gonna, it's a yo-yo. That's what I think.
41:03 Speaker 03 The string of it, unstringed string of yo-yo on the yo's tying it. He can't go to prison without his favourite yo-yo.
41:09 Speaker 04 Good trick if you can do it, though.
41:11 Speaker 02 Imagine.
41:11 Speaker 04 Yeah.
41:12 Speaker 02 Yeah.
41:12 Speaker 03 Walk the Willie down, yeah.
41:17 Speaker 02 What's he got tied around his, wipe your times?
41:20 Speaker 04 You got any more before I carry on?
41:21 Speaker 03 I don't think I've got any more, no.
41:23 Speaker 02 No, I've got nothing.
41:24 Speaker 03 Willie around the world? That's one.
41:27 Speaker 04 Yeah. He had what looked like a red nose around the end. And when they took it off, they found out it was a swimming cap wound extremely tightly around his knob end. There was nothing inside, no drugs, no smuggling or anything. When asked why he did this, he said, "I'm just the pervert, mate. I enjoy it."
41:48 Speaker 04 To which you've got to say, fair enough.
41:50 Speaker 02 Fair play.
41:51 Speaker 04 Yeah, fair play.
41:52 Speaker 02 Fair play.
41:52 Speaker 04 The swimming cap. Why swimming? How do you land on swimming cap?
41:56 Speaker 02 I don't know, honestly.
41:57 Speaker 03 Why have we never heard of swimming cap being used in lieu of contraception? You always hear something.
42:04 Speaker 04 Yeah.
42:04 Speaker 03 Swimming cap seems like a no brainer.
42:06 Speaker 04 No bad idea.
42:07 Speaker 02 It's probably the best one. Pat and Crisp, you all used to use back in the day, do you remember?
42:12 Speaker 04 I grew up in London.
42:29 Speaker 02 Has this been hard?
42:32 Speaker 03 This has been awful, Ed. This has been awful.
42:34 Speaker 04 Lovely old time. I'm seeing you guys.
42:36 Speaker 02 But no people used to use Pat and Crisp.
42:38 Speaker 03 Snickers in elastic band.
42:40 Speaker 02 When we were kids.
42:41 Speaker 03 Never heard about Snickers in elastic band?
42:43 Speaker 04 No, I've never heard of Snickers in elastic band in lieu of contraception.
42:48 Speaker 02 Swimming caps would have been.
42:49 Speaker 03 Much better. I'm like, this is.
42:51 Speaker 02 I used to swim for South Tyneside as well when I was young. That's why I had a load of swimming caps.
42:58 Speaker 02 I did.
43:00 Speaker 04 Imagine this, making you think of that.
43:02 Speaker 02 Well now, when the kids.
43:03 Speaker 04 It's just a lad to the anecdote.
43:06 Speaker 02 Is there more to this?
43:07 Speaker 04 Yeah, there's some honourable mentions.
43:09 Speaker 03 Oh, wow.
43:09 Speaker 04 There is also some other honourable mentions. This one is disgusting. Like the time when an officer pulled out what looked like to be an old piece of chewing gum from someone's wallet. When asked what it was, the man replied that it was his son's foreskin.
43:25 Speaker 03 Wow. Wow.
43:28 Speaker 04 Yeah.
43:28 Speaker 03 In his wallet?
43:29 Speaker 04 In his wallet, obviously keeping it.
43:31 Speaker 03 Most people go for a picture.
43:32 Speaker 04 Yeah.
43:33 Speaker 03 It's only a photo.
43:34 Speaker 04 A little keepsake.
43:35 Speaker 03 Wow.
43:36 Speaker 02 That's awful. That's really awful.
43:38 Speaker 04 I'm a bit annoyed actually because I had mine lopped off and they didn't let me keep it.
43:42 Speaker 03 Yeah, I did. Yeah, mine is, yeah.
43:43 Speaker 02 How old were you?
43:44 Speaker 04 Twenty-three.
43:45 Speaker 03 Oh, shit.
43:46 Speaker 04 Yeah, yeah.
43:47 Speaker 02 Why?
43:48 Speaker 03 So when we first.
43:49 Speaker 02 Too tight.
43:50 Speaker 03 When we first met you had a foreskin?
43:53 Speaker 04 Yeah.
43:53 Speaker 03 Hmm.
43:55 Speaker 04 Yeah, uh, yeah.
43:57 Speaker 03 Yeah. That's what's different about you.
44:00 Speaker 04 Yeah. I've lost weight, haven't I?
44:02 Speaker 03 No, it's not that.
44:03 Speaker 02 It's the foreskin.
44:04 Speaker 03 It's not the weight.
44:05 Speaker 04 Well, that's some of it.
44:08 Speaker 02 How big was it?
44:09 Speaker 04 A stone and a half.
44:11 Speaker 03 It's like a ring from a water pot.
44:19 Speaker 04 That's where it is now.
44:22 Speaker 02 That's in Reston 23 though, that's quite old to get rid of it.
44:25 Speaker 04 Yeah.
44:25 Speaker 02 You were like two.
44:26 Speaker 03 What was the, um, what was the recovery like of that?
44:30 Speaker 04 Mainly sort of just Winnie pooing around the house.
44:34 Speaker 04 Just literally.
44:35 Speaker 03 T-shirt, no pants.
44:37 Speaker 04 Just the old doggy like.
44:40 Speaker 02 I was like, he doesn't crawl.
44:43 Speaker 04 Just you eat a lot of honey and that sorts it out.
44:47 Speaker 03 Best mates with a rabbit.
44:50 Speaker 02 This has been really, really wonderful.
44:52 Speaker 03 It's so nice to see you guys.
44:53 Speaker 04 Lovely having you here.
44:54 Speaker 03 What a fun.
44:54 Speaker 02 Best of luck with everything.
44:56 Speaker 03 Yes.
44:57 Speaker 04 Tour and unacceptable, et cetera.
44:58 Speaker 03 Yes, thank you very much.
45:00 Speaker 02 Tell everyone on the website.
45:01 Speaker 04 Edgamble.co.uk and unacceptable is on the TLC.
45:05 Speaker 03 I thought he'd just come for a chat. He's coming to promote stuff.
45:07 Speaker 02 They never fucking just come for a chat.
45:09 Speaker 03 I thought he'd just come to say hello.
45:10 Speaker 04 I was happy to just have a chat, but I'd get in trouble if I don't promote the thing.
45:14 Speaker 02 Thank you.
45:15 Speaker 03 Bye guys.
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