Mini bar wine, a Halloween debrief and Bopit at bedtime

Chris and Rosie are still ships in the night, but this week they finally come together to tackle Halloween, the horror of adults dressing up and the mystery of how they’ve both become such miserable b*stards! Meanwhile, Chris has moved on from his love affair with brutalist architecture and discovered parquet flooring – much to Rosie’s absolute delight! There’s a round of ‘Would You Rather’, a beef with Bopit and Rosie unveils her genius idea for a bath disco. And the love affair with the TV show Ghosts continues... Plus, there are voice notes and brilliant stories from you lovely lot, including a rather unexpected tale involving an undertaker… All that and more! If you want to get involved and have your stories and voice notes included on the podcast, then get in touch! 📧: [email protected] 📱: 07874 406650 You can watch the podcast on the Shagged Married Annoyed YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/@shagged.married.annoyed Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Coming up on this week's episode of Shag Mar De Noyd, we are still ships in the night.

• 0:04Speaker 01

  We talk about the kids and the sofas.

• 0:05Speaker 00

  We both hate Halloween now.

• 0:07Speaker 01

  I'm not as much as you.

• 0:08Speaker 00

  You do.

• 0:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. Chris has come up with the lovely, would you rather?

• 0:12Speaker 00

  We've got beefs and we've got voice notes and emails from you lovely lot.

• 0:15Speaker 01

  Enjoy.

• 0:18Speaker 02

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• 1:44Speaker 01

  Hello, you all listening and maybe even watching with your little creepy little eyes.

• 1:48Speaker 00

  Maybe, baby.

• 1:49Speaker 01

  This is Shag Mar De Noyd with me, Rosie Ramsey, my husband, Christopher Ramsey.

• 1:52Speaker 00

  Hello.

• 1:53Speaker 01

  Hello.

• 1:54Speaker 00

  Hi.

• 1:54Speaker 01

  Hi. Nice to meet you.

• 1:56Speaker 00

  Hi, nice to see you.

• 1:57Speaker 01

  I'm your wife.

• 1:57Speaker 00

  Hi, I'm your husband.

• 1:59Speaker 01

  Lovely to see you. Where the fuck have you been?

• 2:00Speaker 00

  Crazy, innit? We literally, guys, I know we've said this recently, we are not like together in any way, shape, or form at the minute. We're just ships in the night. You're off filming, you're a little thing.

• 2:10Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 2:11Speaker 00

  I'm on me tour.

• 2:11Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 2:12Speaker 00

  Bish bash bosh, back and forward. Like, the other day, we were saying that we've got a guy, a taxi driver that we use religiously in Newcastle, and he dropped you off on an evening, and then I text him, he says he wasn't even out the bottom of our street, and I text him saying, mate, can you pick me up tomorrow to take me to the train station? And he was just like, it's ridiculous. He was like, should be in the house five minutes and all. You're booking me to take you away? I was like, mate, well, it's not through choice, it's just ridiculous.

• 2:33Speaker 01

  Well, it's because stupido's here, stupido one and stupido two.

• 2:38Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 2:38Speaker 01

  And when I signed up for the little job, I was like, well, it's really hard because my husband's on tour, so childcare, I've like, I've got my mom and whatever, but it's tricky because my husband is away a lot. And then, so what happened was, they ended up giving little your schedule, so whenever you're away, I'm not away.

• 2:56Speaker 00

  Oh, they just played a lovely game of Tetris, didn't they?

• 2:58Speaker 01

  And whenever I'm away, you are, so it's like they've gone, oh, well, we can do it that week when it's just...

• 3:02Speaker 00

  Calendar Tetris. They literally went, oh, them, them daisies back. Well, shake and fuck off.

• 3:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, so, listen though, it's, it's fine, it's all good. This is what you've got to do because something like, it's up and down like that. We're busy right now, but you know, come January, I've got to fuck all.

• 3:17Speaker 00

  Same. Nothing, mate, so I'll be sick of you. We'll be sick of each other. Also, we get to go to London this afternoon because we're going to go and do, well, please keep me anonymous tomorrow, we're going to do a selection of interviews.

• 3:26Speaker 01

  A gavvy? We're having a gavvy in the room?

• 3:28Speaker 00

  A little gavvy in the room. We, we liked the wine that was in the minibar so much, we actually went online and bought the same minibar wine for home.

• 3:36Speaker 01

  I'm actually embarrassed that we bought minibar wine. Is that like?

• 3:39Speaker 00

  No, I don't think so. It's...

• 3:40Speaker 01

  Tonight's hotel?

• 3:41Speaker 00

  Fucking cheaper. The fucking big ones on the internet are cheaper than the little ones in the fridge, I tell you that. Christ alive.

• 3:46Speaker 01

  How much was the big bottle?

• 3:47Speaker 00

  Like, like 20 quid or something.

• 3:49Speaker 01

  Right.

• 3:50Speaker 00

  Like, and the one, the little ones in the fridge in the room are like that much.

• 3:53Speaker 01

  Like, yeah.

• 3:53Speaker 00

  And they're like half the size of it. Minibars, man. Fucking terrifying.

• 3:57Speaker 01

  I know.

• 3:57Speaker 00

  Some of the, I think we've said this before, some of the hotels I still go to, we've got the, the one where if you literally move the thing, it's like, oh, enjoyed that, did you? And you're like, no, just, no, I was just looking at the packet. It's like, ah, ah, you fucking hate them nuts.

• 4:10Speaker 01

  We've spoke about it before, but it's like a real core, not a good core memory, like a bad core memory of whenever you stay in a hotel with your parents and they're like, don't touch it, thing!

• 4:20Speaker 00

  Don't, you, did you open that fucking cork? Ah!

• 4:24Speaker 01

  Like, literally.

• 4:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, hell on.

• 4:26Speaker 01

  Fucking hell. It is not a nice memory though. It's a, it's a, you're scoring your room on the weekend, dad. Why? Do you know what I mean?

• 4:34Speaker 00

  Why are you crying? It's just a packet of KP nuts. Why am I being hit?

• 4:41Speaker 01

  Just madness. Anyway, it's nice to see you. We'll do some catching up later on.

• 4:46Speaker 00

  Yes, indeed.

• 4:47Speaker 01

  We're just behind on everything.

• 4:49Speaker 00

  It's crazy, innit?

• 4:49Speaker 01

  We haven't, we've not watched any more of the bloody traitors because we've not been together.

• 4:53Speaker 00

  Not watched any more Slow Horses.

• 4:54Speaker 01

  But we are, we are currently on series four. If you're an avid listener, if you're listening to the Matthew Beaton episode, we had to admit to him that we hadn't watched Ghosts, but we are obsessed and we're, what are we on, episode, series four, episode?

• 5:08Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's amazing.

• 5:09Speaker 01

  Don't know what episode, but yeah. Me and the kids love it. And you know what? Our Rafe's five, nearly six in January, we watched a few of them because it's a 12. We watched a few of them and I was like, Rafe could absolutely watch this. Shouldn't be a 12.

• 5:22Speaker 00

  The only scary bit is the little girl who sings Ring Around the Rosie's.

• 5:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, but even then...

• 5:25Speaker 00

  And she's only in it once, twice.

• 5:26Speaker 01

  Even then, I think, when they're that age, all of the jokes, Robin doesn't get any of the jokes, they all go over his head.

• 5:33Speaker 00

  But he get, well, no, he, he doesn't get the ones that are aimed at us. He gets the ones that are like physical and they're like, damn your eyes and all that. He gets all of that stuff. But that's why it's clever, because there's ones that are aimed straight over his head at us and we laugh at them. He goes, why are you laughing? And we go, nothing.

• 5:45Speaker 01

  Because he did not get the joke about how her husband was having an affair with the bloke. He did not get that joke at all. Oh, but I'm, oh my god, I love it. I love it.

• 5:53Speaker 00

  Absolutely great show. Massive, if you're a family.

• 5:56Speaker 01

  I'm ashamed of her. I'm ashamed of her.

• 5:57Speaker 00

  But no, because we get to enjoy it now and then we get to see the movie, so it's all good.

• 5:59Speaker 01

  That's true.

• 6:00Speaker 00

  All good. Guys, thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for listening. If you're watching, thank you. Please subscribe on YouTube. That'd be lovely. If you're listening on your little podcast app, click subscribe as well. Why the fuck not? Takes you two seconds. Come on, don't be a dick. Listen, it is time for this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor. This week's sponsor is children sitting on sofas. They don't just sit on them, they fucking dismantle them. Why?

• 6:23Speaker 01

  Chris.

• 6:24Speaker 00

  Why? Why?

• 6:26Speaker 01

  Well, I was, do, you know, like the, what they're called, man? When you were at school and it was the horse or whatever.

• 6:32Speaker 00

  Like buckaroo?

• 6:33Speaker 01

  No, like the big, the big gymnastic sort of thing, the bench, how you would have to run up to it and like put your legs over it. That's how they get on our settee.

• 6:41Speaker 00

  Pommel horse.

• 6:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's how they get on the settee.

• 6:43Speaker 00

  It's awful.

• 6:44Speaker 01

  Because we've got like a corner sofa and they're running through the door and they pummel it and, oh yeah, but listen.

• 6:49Speaker 00

  They just take it apart.

• 6:50Speaker 01

  Honestly, there's not a day gone by, right? I think it's every day in my life where I look around my house and I think, if they didn't live here.

• 6:57Speaker 00

  This would be a palace.

• 6:58Speaker 01

  This would be unreal.

• 6:59Speaker 00

  It'd be beautiful. It'd be absolutely beautiful.

• 7:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:02Speaker 00

  The cushions would be plump, they'd have that karate chop thing that we're doing, that they're doing in hotels.

• 7:06Speaker 01

  Apparently that's not in, but I still like it.

• 7:07Speaker 00

  Really?

• 7:08Speaker 01

  I don't do it as karate as I used to. I just do it very slight.

• 7:11Speaker 00

  I can't keep up with this.

• 7:12Speaker 01

  I know, apparently it's like disgusting.

• 7:14Speaker 00

  Really?

• 7:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:16Speaker 00

  I can't, I can't bear this.

• 7:17Speaker 01

  Oh, nah, don't do it anymore.

• 7:18Speaker 00

  You're gonna, you're gonna tell me that Union Jack cushions on a sofa are out now?

• 7:22Speaker 01

  I didn't, listen.

• 7:23Speaker 00

  What about stripey runners on stairs? No, they're gone as well?

• 7:27Speaker 01

  Do you know what it is? Do what you want. Do what, do what makes you happy. It's your choice.

• 7:31Speaker 00

  Absolutely, but listen, big love to anyone out there whose children just sit on the sofa. Like, Robin puts his feet on the sofa and just kicks all of the cushions on the floor. Fucking dick. We are never going to ever find any, you know, you find things on the back of the sofa. We'll never find it because it's always taking, there's not time, there's not time for anything to be lost on the back of that sofa. Oh, I found a quid? Never, because it's just always fucking in bits.

• 7:54Speaker 01

  I know. And the love of den, don't they?

• 7:56Speaker 00

  Oh god, honestly. Ah, god.

• 7:58Speaker 01

  Is that what's upset you?

• 7:59Speaker 00

  It's just, you know, I don't like mess.

• 8:01Speaker 01

  I know.

• 8:01Speaker 00

  You know I don't like mess.

• 8:02Speaker 01

  Well, shouldn't have had kids.

• 8:04Speaker 00

  Started, he's, Robin now started bringing his duvet from upstairs downstairs because we've got the cold weather to have crack den vibes.

• 8:11Speaker 01

  I know. Hasn't got a sheet on it either.

• 8:13Speaker 00

  No, it hasn't. It's an un-

• 8:15Speaker 01

  It's not his quilt.

• 8:15Speaker 00

  It's an un, where's he got it from? It's a double-

• 8:17Speaker 01

  He's got it from the spare cupboard. It's not his duvet. It's a spare duvet.

• 8:20Speaker 00

  It's a double unsheated duvet and it's, yeah, proper Trainspotting vibes.

• 8:25Speaker 01

  It's the you vomited in the night duvet.

• 8:27Speaker 00

  It is. It's the someone's pissed the bed duvet.

• 8:29Speaker 01

  It is. That's the duvet. It's, it's the spare duvet of the bed's fucked, he has the spare, and he's just decided to use it. Yeah, it's really upsetting, actually.

• 8:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, he spilled some egg on it this morning.

• 8:40Speaker 01

  Oh, did he?

• 8:41Speaker 00

  Yeah, there's egg on it.

• 8:42Speaker 01

  Great. That's fun.

• 8:43Speaker 00

  Fucking hell, man. Honestly, what's the point of having nice stuff? We might as well plastic sheet everything like a, like a pensioner's house. Plastic sheets on everything till they leave.

• 8:51Speaker 01

  Well, yeah.

• 8:52Speaker 00

  Yeah?

• 8:53Speaker 01

  Well, you just, you end up keeping stuff a lot longer than what you normally would, don't you?

• 8:57Speaker 00

  Fair, yeah, because you think pointless getting a new one because they're just going to fuck it up.

• 8:59Speaker 01

  That's how I'm currently living.

• 9:01Speaker 00

  Good.

• 9:01Speaker 01

  That sofa in the kitchen, in the little bit of the kitchen, that's been in about five houses and it's at least about 15 year old.

• 9:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 9:11Speaker 01

  No, how long have we been together? 13 years?

• 9:13Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 9:14Speaker 01

  We bought it when we got together. That was our first sofa and-

• 9:18Speaker 00

  How romantic.

• 9:18Speaker 01

  No, it's me, it's lifting. It's absolutely wrong, but I'm just like-

• 9:22Speaker 00

  Pointless.

• 9:23Speaker 01

  Well, it's staying for the foreseeable because Rafe likes to have his cereal on the sofa, so let him go rogue.

• 9:32Speaker 00

  Well, dried, warm, dried milk on it.

• 9:35Speaker 01

  Oh, no, they're wrong, but we love them.

• 9:37Speaker 00

  Annoyingly, we do. And that's how they get you. That's how they get you.

• 9:55Speaker 01

  Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shag Martinioid. How lovely, how lovely to be here.

• 10:08Speaker 00

  Hello, hello. Listen, I hope you had a nice, as this comes out, it's the day after bonfire night. Hope you had a nice, safe bonfire night. Hope you had a lovely Halloween. Now, Rosie, let's talk about all of the celebrity costumes for Halloween on Instagram.

• 10:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, okay.

• 10:22Speaker 00

  Let's fucking not. So boring, so awful, you're all one shot with shit. I fucking hated. Do you know what? I went on for two days. I'll sit on Instagram before I go on a gig. I'll just chill backstage. For two days I couldn't go on because fucking wankers. Adults, grown men and women were putting multiple photos of their fucking Halloween costumes. Absolute twats and that's how I feel about it.

• 10:51Speaker 01

  Yeah. I mean, I can't talk because I definitely did miss Piggy a little while ago.

• 10:55Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 10:56Speaker 01

  And that was for a 30th birthday party.

• 10:57Speaker 00

  You know how, you know how I felt about that.

• 10:59Speaker 01

  I know, I know. Well, you get to that point though because I went to Centre Parks with the kids.

• 11:05Speaker 00

  Tough.

• 11:06Speaker 01

  No, right. Okay. So I'm an idiot, right? Because I do this all the time. I looked at my diary three months ago and Kate and my mum were going to Centre Parks and I had the weekend off. But you were on tour. I'm doing this job and this job is like hard and I'm tired, right? And anyway, but I didn't know that three months ago. So I was like, oh, I'm off for those two days. Why don't I go to Centre Parks with the kids and my mum and Kate? Chris, I was fucking exhausted. I was literally like walking around and just like, ah, in the swimming pool. Death. I went to bed at nine o'clock each night. It was actually, that was fucking amazing. Slept so well. But yeah, and I felt bad because the kids went trick or treating, but they went with their older cousins because I was like, I don't give a shit.

• 11:51Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 11:52Speaker 01

  So they did it and it was great. And like, you know, Kate's kids are like 18 and 17 now. So they took them and they had them in time. So they had a lovely Halloween. But yeah, I'm just not, it's just not my vibe. Like.

• 12:04Speaker 00

  I just, I can't, I can't get on board with it. I can't get on board with it. And the kids are like, I couldn't go to Centre Parks here because I was on tour. And very sadly, I had to stay at the Belfry for two nights and play the brabazon for two days on the trot.

• 12:17Speaker 01

  Tough life, isn't it?

• 12:18Speaker 00

  Very, very tough life. But I got through it because I'm a brave boy. But basically I, Rafe said, Dad, are you not coming to Centre Parks because you hate Halloween?

• 12:27Speaker 01

  Is that what he said?

• 12:28Speaker 00

  Yeah. He went, are you not coming to Centre Parks because you hate Halloween? I went, no, I'm working, son. But I wouldn't have come anyway because I hate Halloween.

• 12:34Speaker 01

  But, but you know what you should say? You should say, son, once upon a time, everybody hated Halloween.

• 12:40Speaker 00

  And I'm just like a fossil. I'm left over now. It's a fossil. I wish I could enjoy. I wish I could. I can't, like, I can't even fake interest when someone tells us what they're going to. When someone tells us what they're going to get dressed up as, it's up there with someone telling us what kind of tattoo they're going to get.

• 12:58Speaker 00

  I'm like, oh my God, like I care so little. I nearly passed out. Like I couldn't give a fuck.

• 13:04Speaker 01

  I know, but some people, they, yeah, I'm, I'm going to try and stick up because it's hard because I also think it's ridiculous.

• 13:11Speaker 00

  Creativity, I will, okay. If you've made, but still I'm like, no.

• 13:15Speaker 01

  No, but it's just.

• 13:16Speaker 00

  I can't, I can't pretend.

• 13:18Speaker 01

  No, people just want likes. That's all it is.

• 13:20Speaker 00

  Right.

• 13:20Speaker 01

  And I think with, especially people in the public eye, it's content. They just go, oh, it's Halloween. I'll dress up. It's content. But then what happens is, what they don't realise is it filters down to normal folk who go, oh God, my life's shit because I've done nothing for Halloween. And you go, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, it's not. These are, these people, they get paid for this. Like they need to create content, which is fine. Create content for their algorithm for Instagram. They get paid. And then in the long run, they will make money out of this. So don't feel like your life's shit and you, and you don't do anything because you didn't dress up and have a party for Halloween. I'm telling you now, just don't because I did football and I don't feel bad.

• 14:02Speaker 00

  You just sat in a, you just sat in a shally at Centre Parks on your arse while your kids went trick or treating. And you didn't have to do anything else.

• 14:08Speaker 01

  No. And, yeah, and in outfits that I got free from little.

• 14:14Speaker 01

  Because I'm working for them and I went around the shop and Tina, who's absolutely lush and just works for them. She was like, would you like to take something for Halloween? I was like, I would love, I would love that Tina. Thank you very much.

• 14:23Speaker 00

  Oh, they, they, they got the Halloween outfits free.

• 14:26Speaker 01

  The kids, yeah.

• 14:26Speaker 00

  Oh, I thought you meant you got like little pyjamas for free and you were sitting. I was like, bit weird that you mentioned that, but okay. So you got free Halloween costumes. Oh, there you go. Zero effort on your part.

• 14:35Speaker 01

  Honestly, it's a bigger, it's a bigger conversation, but I just think it's really sad. We very much still live in the real world, you know? Like all my mates are very normal, family, very normal. But I know that people get so much guilt from looking.

• 14:51Speaker 00

  You get like four more, don't you? You get four. It's a thing with social media. You look at it and you go, oh my God, they're on holiday. Oh, they're going pumpkin picking. Oh, they're on a massive day out with this thing.

• 15:00Speaker 01

  I'm sorry.

• 15:00Speaker 00

  Don't get started on pumpkin picking.

• 15:01Speaker 01

  I'm sorry.

• 15:02Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 15:02Speaker 01

  They're just fucking pumpkins from Tesco scattered around a field.

• 15:06Speaker 00

  Yeah. It's mad. It's, it's, it is wild when you think about it. It's absolutely crazy. It's crazy. It's, it's up there with going, do you want to go water foraging? And you go, what's water foraging? And you're going to, oh, we're all going to pay to go into this place. And there's a big pond and we're just going to get cupfuls of water out of the pond and put it in my bag and take it home.

• 15:23Speaker 01

  But it's pond, it's water foraging day.

• 15:25Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah. But oh, well, the guy just turns a tap on. You've all got taps in your house, but you know, you're going to come here and water forage. We're going to get photos of the kids, water foraging.

• 15:33Speaker 01

  Do you know what it is, right? I'm going to say this and honestly, I know I'll get loads of stick, right? And it's fine. You can think what you want.

• 15:39Speaker 00

  Hey, listen, everyone, give me as much stick as you want. I don't read it.

• 15:41Speaker 01

  No, this is just, I just don't, how many more things are we going to make?

• 15:46Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 15:46Speaker 01

  How many, like, like, don't get me wrong. I fucking love my kids. I want them to have the best childhood ever. And I feel like they do, they've got, they're very privileged. They get, you know, Jesus, I was at Centre Parks last weekend, like.

• 15:58Speaker 00

  Which is fucking a proper holiday. Yeah.

• 16:00Speaker 01

  Exactly. But I just feel like, how many more occasions are we going to make?

• 16:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 16:04Speaker 01

  It's just every single thing now seems like it's just got so much bigger.

• 16:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, everything. What are you doing for bonfire night? What are you doing for Halloween? Oh, it's Black Friday.

• 16:15Speaker 01

  What are you doing for Easter? What are you doing for this? What, what have you got? Like, have you booked for the fucking, the naughty elf to come around to your house on Christmas Eve? And it's like the, the fucking elf on the shelf. It's just, it's too.

• 16:31Speaker 00

  I forgot about that. It's coming.

• 16:32Speaker 01

  I know.

• 16:33Speaker 00

  In a month's time. Oh God.

• 16:36Speaker 01

  It's too much. It's too much. And I, and I just think we're all, we're all stressed to bits. And it's what we're all doing and it's social media. And I, I don't know about you guys, right? And I'm not trying to, you might totally disagree with this because there's so many people I speak to who like, it filters into other stuff because I've recently had conversations with people about like kids who, in clubs. People go fucking mad with their kids in clubs, like literally.

• 17:05Speaker 00

  A club every night.

• 17:06Speaker 01

  Eight year olds with five different clubs, not getting in from, from two clubs after each other. And I'm just like, what the fuck? What the actual fuck? And but then I, I think I'm the weird one because I'm the, I'm the one who doesn't.

• 17:22Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 17:22Speaker 01

  I don't.

• 17:24Speaker 00

  Well, that's the thing, isn't it? Everyone's different. We're not telling everyone how to parent here. But I just think, yeah, and obviously there is people as well who'll be like, oh, you miserable pair of swords, man. The elf's fun and this is fun. And look, if you think it's fun and you've got the energy to do it, you do it. All I'm seeing is it's just a fucking, it's a lot. It's over.

• 17:38Speaker 01

  We only started it because Robin was like, why am I the only one in my class who doesn't have the elf come to my house? And I was like, eh.

• 17:45Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 17:46Speaker 01

  Eh, because your mum and dad are on fucking tour and my mum is too old to forget. Like that's why the elf, it's not, not to do with you.

• 17:57Speaker 01

  It's like.

• 17:58Speaker 00

  So what we're seeing, at the, at the core of what we're seeing in all of this whingeing, what we're seeing is, don't feel bad.

• 18:04Speaker 01

  Don't feel bad. And you know what?

• 18:05Speaker 00

  Don't feel pressured.

• 18:06Speaker 01

  Like what happened to getting a couple of sparklers in the back garden on bonfire night? Like that was, that's for your kids. It'll be like such a lovely memory. Like.

• 18:14Speaker 00

  Oh, but on the same topic, I forgot to tell you, I've rented the Guy Fawkes for bonfire night. I've built a bonfire and the Guy Fawkes is going to come around. I've rented all of the different, the people to come around. They're going to hang them in the garden, then set them on fire.

• 18:27Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 18:28Speaker 00

  I've got a bow sword. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 18:30Speaker 01

  And can I, one last thing, I'm going to end this on, right? Because I feel like I've rented and I'm sorry, but I haven't rented for a while. So I hope that any of you who follow me or Chris, I hope that you never feel like that when you look at our page.

• 18:42Speaker 00

  I don't put anything on there.

• 18:43Speaker 01

  Well, I, well, I just don't.

• 18:45Speaker 00

  You've got no chance of feeling like that with me.

• 18:46Speaker 01

  I, I don't like to, I would hate people to follow me and be like, oh, I feel terrible because I'm not doing that for my children. Because actually I'll tell you right now, I do very little for my kids.

• 18:58Speaker 01

  But you know what?

• 18:58Speaker 00

  Very little Instagrammable stuff.

• 19:01Speaker 01

  Well, yeah, they get lovely things. I did a bath disco the other night. They were both in the shower together. I put, we found these little disco balls and I put the music on for half an hour. Mint. Absolutely class. Didn't cost a fucking thing. But like, I didn't, I just, I would hate people to follow me and be like.

• 19:18Speaker 01

  Or look at fucking hellment their life. Cause I look at other people's and go, oh Jesus Christ.

• 19:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, of course. Yeah.

• 19:23Speaker 01

  I should be doing that.

• 19:24Speaker 00

  Side note, um, obviously you all know that I found the bath disco very irritating.

• 19:28Speaker 01

  You heard of it? Yeah, you were here, I forgot.

• 19:31Speaker 00

  Bathroom was fucking flooded. It was loud. The disco ball thing they used is still just up there outside the fucking en suite. Honestly, nah, not my thing. I wouldn't have. I didn't okay the bath disco and I'm still angry about it.

• 19:41Speaker 01

  Anyway, rant over, but let's all just, let's all just put our fucking phones down, eh? And live in the real world and it's our it.

• 19:49Speaker 00

  Unless you listen to this or watching this, in which case you keep a fucking phone in your hand.

• 19:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. You like, rate and subscribe.

• 19:54Speaker 00

  Oh, grateful fuck.

• 19:57Speaker 01

  No, it is. It's like.

• 19:58Speaker 00

  Oh, no.

• 19:59Speaker 01

  What did, what did the adults wear for, for, for the ghost night? Oh, you've turned us.

• 20:05Speaker 00

  Thank you. Oh, Rosie, I was sitting downstairs on me, on my iPad. I got an email from our management. Photos, a file of photos from the Halloween party that they booked on the night that I was on tour. Thanks everyone. Oh, here's all the photos of it. Here's the photos. Hey, person who didn't go to a party, Chris.

• 20:20Speaker 01

  I am not.

• 20:21Speaker 00

  Here's the photos of the grownups in fancy. Fucking get out of me inbox.

• 20:26Speaker 01

  I got it as well.

• 20:27Speaker 00

  And I know everyone listening, I know the people listening to this, Daisy, you, you were probably there. And all of you guys editing this, I know you were all probably there. You probably had a great fucking, I was on tour. I didn't go. Don't send me the fucking photos, you bastards. Right? So there you go.

• 20:40Speaker 01

  Well, you've, you've probably changed me.

• 20:42Speaker 00

  Thank you for the hard work you've done.

• 20:43Speaker 01

  You've changed me. But um, on another note, okay, you changed me into a miserable bastard. I have also changed you.

• 20:51Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 20:52Speaker 01

  Christopher, you don't, I'm so proud of you. That message, that um, video you sent me on Instagram last week.

• 20:59Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 21:00Speaker 01

  Of the parquet flooring underneath the carpet.

• 21:02Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 21:04Speaker 01

  And you said, this is a travesty that they've covered this up. I was like, oh my God.

• 21:09Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 21:10Speaker 01

  Wow. Wow.

• 21:12Speaker 00

  Thank you. I'm getting good.

• 21:14Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 21:15Speaker 00

  I'm getting good.

• 21:16Speaker 01

  So just to let you in, Chris, when I met Chris, he would have lived in like a glass box with like grey, just.

• 21:22Speaker 00

  No grass outside, concrete.

• 21:24Speaker 01

  Concrete, just, you know, when you go on Instagram and they show you all of them houses that were lush and then they've changed them and they look like prisons and they're horrible. That you would have lived in.

• 21:31Speaker 00

  I don't know if anyone's ever seen when it went viral, the guy who uh, owns Oakley sold a, a mansion that he had. And it was brutal, a brutalist mansion.

• 21:40Speaker 01

  Is that the one that Kanye West bought?

• 21:42Speaker 00

  No, no, I don't think so. It was like a brutalist mansion by the guy from Oakley. And it was just, it looked like a Bond villain's lair. It was all grey concrete. It's fucking massive, mental. I'd have lived in that. But a bit, bit more modern than that, but I'd have lived in that. Yeah, yeah.

• 21:55Speaker 01

  But you sent me a video of a parquet flooring that was covered up by an old carpet.

• 22:01Speaker 00

  Carpet tiles, dirty sods.

• 22:02Speaker 01

  Travesty. I thought my work here is done.

• 22:05Speaker 00

  There we go. You've changed us. You've changed us. There we go. Well done.

• 22:08Speaker 01

  Thanks.

• 22:12Speaker 02

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• 22:42Speaker 04

  Reports new two, then meeting prep, then.

• 22:45Speaker 02

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• 23:25Speaker 02

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• 23:45Speaker 05

  You better think, think about what you're trying to do to me. You better think.

• 24:05Speaker 05

  Free at heart, libre, the original eau de parfum, yves saint Laurent.

• 24:13Speaker 00

  Now, on the subject of all the slagging off we're just on social media, can I tell you something I found on social media?

• 24:20Speaker 01

  If it's a grown up in the public eye dressed up for Halloween, then no.

• 24:23Speaker 00

  It's not. Thankfully it's not. Now, listen, um, so over the years, we've done so many uh, would you rathers on this podcast? And then we've been sent them in and we've found them. And I love a would you rather. I really do. Um, just for the, the, the sort of discussion that comes around it. Now, me phone knows this because it knows everything about you. And it popped up the other day, um, a carousel on Instagram, the hardest would you rather questions you'll ever hear. So I thought I'd just go and put them to you. Some of them are really upsetting. Yeah, really upsetting. Yeah, yeah. Um, to think of like, you know, if you had to do it, gun to your head. So you just have to pick one, right? Okay. Would you rather? That's how it works.

• 25:00Speaker 01

  I know how it works.

• 25:01Speaker 00

  Just think, just let, you know.

• 25:02Speaker 01

  You say, you think, I don't know how would you rather works.

• 25:04Speaker 00

  Yeah, but I don't want you to go, like, we can discuss them, but I don't want you to try and bend the rules. I want you to just pick one.

• 25:09Speaker 01

  Right, okay.

• 25:10Speaker 00

  Okay. Ahem. Number one, would you rather drink a glass of someone else's spit? Or a glass of someone else's sweat?

• 25:20Speaker 01

  Sweat.

• 25:22Speaker 00

  That was quick. Wow. Sweat, yeah?

• 25:24Speaker 01

  You told us to not mess around. A spit really upsets us.

• 25:28Speaker 00

  It does. I found out again when we did that fishbowl thing years ago that I'm not even going to re-mention because people got so upset. They're really, really upset a lot of people.

• 25:36Speaker 01

  Honestly, yeah, sweat, sweat. It still would be not, not nice at all, but yes, sweat.

• 25:43Speaker 00

  Now, this next one, I don't know how anyone would ever find themselves in this situation, but would, and I don't know what the repercussions would be. Would you rather, I imagine you're going to be famous for this thing.

• 25:53Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 25:54Speaker 00

  Would you rather start World War Three or spread an incurable plague?

• 26:00Speaker 01

  This is horrible.

• 26:01Speaker 00

  It's horrible. This is the, I think this might be the worst one, I'll be honest with you. So I like, I imagine you'd, it would be like, oh, she's the woman who did that.

• 26:10Speaker 01

  Okay, the plague.

• 26:12Speaker 00

  Right. Cause you feel like there'd be some intent with the war.

• 26:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, I feel like you'd have to, you'd have to really put work in the war, whereas with the plague, you go.

• 26:20Speaker 00

  You'd just sneeze and you'd, yeah, yeah.

• 26:21Speaker 01

  I wasn't well, I didn't know.

• 26:22Speaker 00

  Patient, yeah, yeah. Fair enough.

• 26:24Speaker 01

  Yeah. Okay. These are easier than I thought.

• 26:26Speaker 00

  This one's really horrible. But not horrible, it's good. Would you rather always feel slightly thirsty? Regardless of how much water you drink, or always feel slightly tired regardless of how much sleep you get?

• 26:40Speaker 01

  Tired.

• 26:41Speaker 00

  Well, I'm living that now, so I would always pick the tired one.

• 26:43Speaker 01

  I hate being thirsty. It's really upsetting. And there's nothing better. There's nothing better than having a drink when you're really thirsty. It's not like a hung, like hunger.

• 26:53Speaker 00

  Are you, are you working for Avi? Are you doing the new ice for Avi ever done it?

• 26:57Speaker 01

  No, honestly, what like, well, it's like hungover, you know, in the night, during the night when you've had a drink. And then you're down your water. Oh my God. It's like.

• 27:06Speaker 00

  I think I've told you this before, but me and me mate once like went out on a night out and we, we've got like a pizza and like garlic sauce and I was just like mental. And in the middle of the night, I think he slept in mine. And in the, in the morning, I was like, literally, I was like, me, I was dreaming. I was like dreaming of a fireman like just squirting water in my mouth. Not in a sexual way, get your heads out the gutter. I was dreaming of like being doused with water. And he was like, oh my God, me too.

• 27:30Speaker 01

  I've dreamt about lemonade. I have.

• 27:34Speaker 00

  Carl told me the other day.

• 27:36Speaker 01

  It's took you 25 minutes.

• 27:39Speaker 00

  Hello.

• 27:39Speaker 01

  Before you've mentioned your lad.

• 27:41Speaker 00

  So Carl, oh, two things I mentioned about Carl. First one, um, we were driving back the other day from Leicester. And uh, we stopped at Weatherby Services to get, uh, I wanted a coffee and a protein bar. And the driver, our driver Mick wanted a coffee. And Carl um, got out and just walked around the petrol station, farting. So there you go. Just walked around, just, I need, I need to get out and just do some fart.

• 28:07Speaker 01

  You've got to go on a little fart walk. I had one the other day.

• 28:09Speaker 00

  Good.

• 28:10Speaker 01

  At work.

• 28:11Speaker 00

  Would you rather discover a stranger hiding in your attic or find a thousand cockroaches living there?

• 28:18Speaker 01

  Cockroaches?

• 28:19Speaker 00

  Really?

• 28:20Speaker 01

  Oh, says the man. Are you joking? You, I want, you think I want a fucking person in me loft?

• 28:26Speaker 00

  Well, you're not going to stay there. You're just going to give them a kicking and get them out. Getting rid of a thousand cockroaches seems like much bigger job.

• 28:32Speaker 01

  No. Oh God, the privilege.

• 28:34Speaker 00

  Really? Is it male, is that male privilege?

• 28:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's pure male privilege.

• 28:37Speaker 00

  Someone said, there's a stranger in the loft. Oh, jiu jitsu gear on, straight up, gum shield in. Oh, hell on. I'd shout up first, do you have clean nails and does your breath smell? Otherwise I don't want to roll with you. Okay.

• 28:50Speaker 01

  Pure man privilege.

• 28:51Speaker 00

  Would you rather feel, this is horrible. Would you rather feel permanently sticky all over your body? Or experience constant itching across your entire body for the rest of your life?

• 29:02Speaker 01

  Sticky.

• 29:04Speaker 01

  Sticky. There's nothing worse than being itchy. I'd rather be sticky. Sticky's fine. I'd, I'd get used to it quite quickly.

• 29:11Speaker 00

  Yeah, you would, yeah.

• 29:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, but itchy, absolutely not. These are dead easy.

• 29:15Speaker 00

  They're just, they're just fun. Would you rather have super speed but only able to move backwards? Or be able to teleport anywhere completely at random with no control over your destination?

• 29:25Speaker 01

  Oh God. I'd love to teleport, but the no control over destination's no good. So I'd have to do the forward, the backwards fast.

• 29:32Speaker 00

  Super speed, but only backwards.

• 29:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's fine. You get used to it.

• 29:35Speaker 00

  Get a couple of little wing mirrors.

• 29:36Speaker 01

  Why, yeah.

• 29:37Speaker 00

  Yeah. Um, would you rather never enjoy listening to music again or never enjoy eating food again? This is a hard one for you. This is really hard for you. Piece, piece of piss for me.

• 29:50Speaker 01

  I mean, I'll give up music.

• 29:52Speaker 00

  I'd give up music straight away. I'd drive in silence. I'd never listen to music.

• 29:56Speaker 01

  Well, everyone says to me, why don't you go on the jabs? And I'm like, are you fucking for real? And not have scran?

• 30:04Speaker 00

  Scran? Scran is a very Geordie word for food, by the way.

• 30:08Speaker 01

  Honestly, Power, Power T is on the jabs like, cause eh, I love food too much. I just couldn't. Not be hungry. You're joking.

• 30:18Speaker 00

  Last one, you ready?

• 30:18Speaker 01

  Gets us out of bed. Yes.

• 30:20Speaker 00

  Gets us out of bed.

• 30:23Speaker 00

  Would you rather be able to run effortlessly at a hundred mile an hour?

• 30:27Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 30:28Speaker 00

  Or fly at 10 mile an hour?

• 30:32Speaker 01

  Oh, okay. Ooh. I'll fly at 10 mile an hour.

• 30:38Speaker 00

  Fuck it, really?

• 30:39Speaker 01

  Yeah. Take your time. Oh, no, hang on, 100 mile an hour. You'd get there quicker, wouldn't you?

• 30:44Speaker 00

  Well, I don't know the maths on it, but as the crow flies, depending where you want to go.

• 30:50Speaker 01

  It's funny, you know, because I was driving 10 mile an hour at Centre Parks the other day.

• 30:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 30:55Speaker 01

  It was very fucking slow.

• 30:57Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 30:57Speaker 01

  Like, actually, I said, I said to Robin, I'd imagine if I had to drive this speed all the time.

• 31:03Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 31:03Speaker 01

  So you'd be flying.

• 31:05Speaker 00

  But you'd just be like.

• 31:06Speaker 01

  I'd still pick the flying.

• 31:07Speaker 00

  Really?

• 31:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:08Speaker 00

  I wouldn't, you know. Imagine 100 mile an hour, running 100 mile an hour, just anywhere you want to go. I'm going to the shop.

• 31:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, but as the crow flies, I think you'd get there quicker flying.

• 31:21Speaker 00

  I think if you stood on our roof and we were both going to the garage, right, I think I would get there so much quicker.

• 31:27Speaker 01

  Of course you would, but who's had a nicer time?

• 31:31Speaker 00

  Fucking hair'd be everywhere. He'd have bird shit on you. He'd be wet.

• 31:34Speaker 01

  I'd, no, I'd enjoy that.

• 31:35Speaker 00

  Okay, then, well, there we go. Well, I'll get them all sorted out for you.

• 31:38Speaker 01

  Great, can't wait.

• 31:39Speaker 00

  I've made note of them.

• 31:39Speaker 01

  You made, you made that sound like I would literally be like, oh my god.

• 31:43Speaker 00

  No, I just meant they're quite, you know, quite good.

• 31:45Speaker 01

  Well done. Well done. And welcome back, everybody who skipped all of that.

• 31:49Speaker 00

  Oh, wow. Wow.

• 31:54Speaker 00

  It's time for what's your beef?

• 31:58Speaker 00

  Now, I can't even imagine you having any beef with me because I've been, not with you, but also when I'm with you, I'm mint. So.

• 32:07Speaker 01

  No, I do, I do have a beef. Last night.

• 32:10Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 32:11Speaker 01

  Getting the kids ready for bed, trying to get them sorted, getting them pyjamas on, I'm trying to brush teeth, bloody, bloody, blah. You just fucking started playing Bopit.

• 32:23Speaker 01

  On the sofa.

• 32:25Speaker 01

  It was infuriating.

• 32:28Speaker 00

  Ask us who's got, ask us who's got the high score.

• 32:31Speaker 01

  Well, you probably.

• 32:32Speaker 00

  Ask us what it is.

• 32:34Speaker 01

  What is it?

• 32:34Speaker 00

  60.

• 32:35Speaker 01

  Great. It was just not the time or the place, because you know how easily distracted they are.

• 32:40Speaker 00

  But I wanted to play Bopit. I didn't know we still had a Bopit. One of them found it. It was on the sofa. And I was like, right, I'm going to play a Bopit. It wasn't my fault they joined in. You should be wrangling them better. I, I, it was my, that was my time to play Bopit.

• 32:51Speaker 01

  I've done my jobs.

• 32:53Speaker 00

  I've done my jobs.

• 32:54Speaker 01

  I'd had them all weekend in Centre Parks. While you were, oh, on tour, playing golf at the Belfry. So don't even fucking dare.

• 33:03Speaker 00

  It was, hey, 15,000 steps a day. It was tiring. Um.

• 33:08Speaker 01

  It was so irritating. I was just like, right, because you know how, for some reason, it just takes them so long to do stuff. And you've got to like, tell them, like, if you want them to go to bed at eight o'clock, you have to start getting them up to bed at seven.

• 33:22Speaker 00

  Easy.

• 33:22Speaker 01

  Because it's just like, and then when you started playing Bopit and they started joining, I was like, are you actually taking the piss?

• 33:30Speaker 00

  Sorry. I, yeah, to be fair, I got 55 last night on Bopit. And I said, lad, that was when they were talking and putting us off. And I said, come on, we'll do it in the morning. And we woke up this morning, came downstairs to be fit. Robin didn't touch it. To be fair to Rafe, Rafe went, oh, I want to play a Bopit. I let him get it out of your system. And then literally, guys, I'd been up 10 minutes and I got 60 on Bopit.

• 33:50Speaker 01

  Well done.

• 33:51Speaker 00

  So I think we should all be really, really, really impressed.

• 33:54Speaker 01

  I do like Bopit. Listen.

• 33:56Speaker 00

  It's such a good game.

• 33:57Speaker 01

  It's a great, great game. Play it whenever you want. Just let, just please don't do it while I'm trying to like, brush teeth and get them ready.

• 34:03Speaker 00

  Oh my god, I've just worked out, you know, the worst place to play a Bopit ever. I might take it on the train with us today.

• 34:10Speaker 01

  Imagine.

• 34:12Speaker 00

  Can you imagine how pissed off you'd be if you were on the train and someone was just playing Bopit?

• 34:19Speaker 01

  Twist it.

• 34:20Speaker 00

  Bopit.

• 34:21Speaker 01

  Pull it. Bopit. Oh, no, you're out.

• 34:24Speaker 00

  You get it wrong. It gives you a load of shit. It's like, oh, I remember my first time playing Bopit. And you're like, oh, I'm going to your fucking dick.

• 34:34Speaker 01

  It is a good game. Right.

• 34:36Speaker 00

  My beef with you.

• 34:37Speaker 01

  Really, really? Oh, he's got one. Oh, he's got one, has he?

• 34:40Speaker 00

  So I weirdly think it's you and your mum, actually. Um, one of our kids likes mozzarella cheese, Robin. One of our kids, Rafe, likes cheddar. Either you or your mum, or both of you, in your infinite fucking wisdom, have bought a bag of grated cheese, which is a mozzarella and cheddar mix. That solves no problems.

• 35:02Speaker 01

  It wasn't me. It wasn't mum.

• 35:04Speaker 00

  Who was it?

• 35:04Speaker 01

  It was Little. It was the people from the TV programme I'm doing who came to film at the house last week.

• 35:10Speaker 00

  Right.

• 35:10Speaker 01

  And they brought cheese.

• 35:13Speaker 01

  So.

• 35:15Speaker 00

  My beef.

• 35:15Speaker 01

  Take it, take it to them.

• 35:16Speaker 00

  My beef is with the people from Little.

• 35:19Speaker 01

  Production company.

• 35:19Speaker 00

  Listen, one of me.

• 35:20Speaker 01

  It wasn't actually Little, it was a production company.

• 35:22Speaker 00

  Production company. Listen to me now. One of me kids likes mozzarella, the other one likes cheese. A mixed bag of mozzarella and, uh, cheddar, sorry. A mixed bag of mozzarella and cheddar, neither of them will have it.

• 35:33Speaker 01

  But you.

• 35:34Speaker 00

  Pack it in.

• 35:35Speaker 01

  Okay. At Centre Parks, they ate it because.

• 35:39Speaker 00

  They always let me go.

• 35:41Speaker 01

  No, because Rafe went, is this mozzarella? I went, no, it's cheddar.

• 35:45Speaker 00

  You're, you're lying to the children.

• 35:47Speaker 01

  Flat out lied to the, to both of them.

• 35:49Speaker 00

  On All Hallows' Eve? You lied to our children on All Hallows' Eve?

• 35:55Speaker 00

  I don't believe it. Curse.

• 35:57Speaker 01

  I ruined Halloween.

• 35:58Speaker 00

  You've cursed me for a thousand years. You do not, every parent knows you do not lie to your children about cheese on All Hallows' Eve.

• 36:05Speaker 01

  What a crock of shit.

• 36:06Speaker 00

  Were you dressed up when you did it?

• 36:07Speaker 01

  No.

• 36:08Speaker 00

  You weren't even dressed up. The curse, it's 2,000 years. It's 2,000 year curse.

• 36:14Speaker 01

  What a crock of shit.

• 36:15Speaker 00

  All Hallows' cheese.

• 36:17Speaker 01

  What a crock of shit. But you know what makes us laugh? Right? You know how I'm a bit spooky and I kind of believe in spirits and all that kind of thing and like tarot readings and all that.

• 36:26Speaker 00

  I'm aware of you.

• 36:27Speaker 01

  Most people, most people who will dress up for Halloween would not entertain any of that.

• 36:34Speaker 00

  No, no, there's no correlation. I've told you before, there's no correlation with anything.

• 36:38Speaker 01

  Stand by your bullshit.

• 36:41Speaker 00

  It's time for questions from the public.

• 36:43Speaker 01

  Question from the public.

• 36:47Speaker 00

  Public. As always, if you'd like to get in touch, it's shagminded audit at gmail dot com. If you'd like to send a voice note, it is 07874 406650. Did I say that really quickly? Of course I did, because on the cameras now is the, um, the, the, the number that a lady has made for us. Just stuck it on it. It's on like a little blue plaque. Just stuck all the numbers on. Uh, thank you very much. Uh, I forgot your name because I lost your letter that you sent with it, but thank you very much indeed.

• 37:14Speaker 01

  Do not know our name.

• 37:15Speaker 00

  Mystery lady.

• 37:16Speaker 01

  Mystic Meg.

• 37:17Speaker 00

  Thank you.

• 37:17Speaker 01

  Is she still alive?

• 37:18Speaker 00

  Mystic Meg? No idea. That was a load of shit. Why don't I remember that?

• 37:21Speaker 01

  Oh, are you joking? I live by Mystic Meg.

• 37:24Speaker 00

  She would come on and go, oh, the lottery numbers this week. Whoa. And she always got them wrong.

• 37:28Speaker 01

  Did you?

• 37:28Speaker 00

  Always got.

• 37:29Speaker 01

  Is that what she was from the lottery?

• 37:30Speaker 00

  She was linked with the lottery once, Shane. It was like, whoa, whoa, this week.

• 37:34Speaker 01

  Did you not, I, I often lived by me star sign in the paper.

• 37:37Speaker 00

  Oh, so did she do that as well?

• 37:38Speaker 01

  I think she did the star signs in the paper. Oh, yeah.

• 37:41Speaker 00

  She was a bullshitter across multiple mediums.

• 37:43Speaker 01

  Well, that's a good Halloween costume. And by the way, I know I slagged off Halloween.

• 37:48Speaker 00

  The best ones you have to describe. That's always for me. The best ones, you've got to in detail tell people what they are. They're the best ones.

• 37:55Speaker 01

  I know I have slagged it off, but if you do ever see me dressed up for Halloween, just know that I didn't mean any of it.

• 38:02Speaker 00

  And if you do ever see me dressed up, just know that Rosie made us do it.

• 38:05Speaker 01

  You'll never dress up for Halloween.

• 38:06Speaker 00

  I fucking hate it. I'll never will.

• 38:08Speaker 01

  This is a Real Housewife question. I, I haven't listened to this.

• 38:13Speaker 06

  Hi, Rosie and Grace. Um, it's Sophie, long time listener, first time WhatsApper. Anyway, um, Rosie, queen of Real Housewives, I want to start watching it. Which series should I start watching? What are your favourite series? And what series, um, when do I start watching it? Do I start watching it from the beginning? Or do I start watching it from further along? Um, I just need to know, uh, what, what you recommend as queen of the Real Housewives. Um, yeah, so let me know.

• 38:52Speaker 00

  Am I okay to just nip at the toilet while this is happening?

• 38:54Speaker 01

  Absolutely not. This is, this is such a hard question because they're all amazing, right? You need to start from the beginning.

• 39:01Speaker 00

  Oh, god.

• 39:02Speaker 01

  Um, it depends. So, okay, here's an option for you. So I would say if you want to start from the beginning, the best one, oh my god, it's all the OG ones though, because you've got, um, New Jersey. I think New Jersey is probably my favourite.

• 39:17Speaker 00

  I mean, it's known for being quite a wild place.

• 39:20Speaker 01

  That's the wild one, yeah.

• 39:21Speaker 00

  Jersey Shore and all that.

• 39:21Speaker 01

  And then, but then you've got Beverly Hills, which is just pure like luxury money. You've got the OC, which is crazy menopausal women. It's great. Um, but then you've got Atlanta. Atlanta's really good. Potomac's amazing. Salt Lake City, that's a newer one. If you want a bit of like a moderner, if you want a modern version of Real Housewives, I'd say Salt Lake City, but I'd just stick with the OG ones.

• 39:44Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 39:45Speaker 01

  I, I, that's really hard. I love them all. I've seen them all from the beginning, fully up to date.

• 39:50Speaker 00

  Well, there you go. I've got an email here for me, um, from someone. Chris, I'm thinking about watching Neighbours. Um, and as your name is Ramsay and the street is called Ramsay, where should I start? Well, thanks for asking. Um, always start from the beginning. Let's go right about the beginning of Neighbours and watch from the beginning all the way through. Your Harold Bishop's, your Toadfish's, all the way up to, you know, you know, whatever, whatever's happening now. Enjoy, guys.

• 40:11Speaker 01

  Who did I know recently who was really obsessed with Neighbours?

• 40:17Speaker 01

  No, there's someone I know. And I, I was like, really? Who is it?

• 40:22Speaker 00

  There was a, um.

• 40:23Speaker 01

  Like, like, who the fuck is it? Anyway.

• 40:26Speaker 00

  Is it Josh Whittingham? He's obsessed with some show. I can't remember who it was. Was it Neighbours?

• 40:31Speaker 01

  I don't know Josh Whittingham, do I? It's somebody who I know.

• 40:34Speaker 00

  A comedian called Fergus, a comedian called Fergus Craig back in the day, who does quite a lot of acting as well. I went and saw his show in Edinburgh Fringe. It was called Fergus Craig Still Watches Neighbours. And it was about Neighbours. It was a really good show.

• 40:43Speaker 01

  Another person I don't know personally. This was someone. No, this is someone who I know personally, like I've either worked with them or their friend. I don't know. It finished a couple of years ago.

• 40:55Speaker 00

  Did it?

• 40:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:56Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 40:56Speaker 01

  Who is it? It's someone we know.

• 40:58Speaker 00

  Is Home and Away still on?

• 41:00Speaker 01

  No. Closer each day.

• 41:05Speaker 01

  Fucking hell. Home and away.

• 41:07Speaker 00

  Oh, right.

• 41:08Speaker 01

  Did you not watch it?

• 41:08Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, I didn't, I didn't know you, you normally don't like me singing. I didn't think, I, I was actually quite frightened.

• 41:13Speaker 01

  See if we can remember it. Closer each day, home and away.

• 41:19Speaker 01

  I'm good.

• 41:19Speaker 00

  I said, no, no, we can't, for everyone wondering, no, we can't remember it.

• 41:22Speaker 01

  Take it or leave, that's the Spice Girls. Oh, by the way, the podcast that I did for the Spice Girls is on Ears, BBC Sounds, if you want to listen.

• 41:30Speaker 00

  Advertising other podcasts on our podcast, you fucking Judas twat.

• 41:40Speaker 00

  So did he, I was supposed to say that off the mic, did, did all that go in the mic?

• 41:43Speaker 01

  You don't say anything off the mic, come on.

• 41:46Speaker 00

  Ever, in life. Oh, when I do a not a biography, I'll call it never off the mic. There it is.

• 41:53Speaker 00

  There it is.

• 41:55Speaker 01

  There you go. Oh, God, what were the words, man?

• 41:58Speaker 00

  Oh, who gives a shit, man?

• 41:59Speaker 01

  Do you know my neighbours?

• 42:01Speaker 00

  Everybody needs good neighbours with a little understanding. You can find your perfect friends.

• 42:11Speaker 01

  Neighbours, pick your bum and taste the flavours.

• 42:17Speaker 00

  I'm, I'm, I'm 50% sure that wasn't the words, but I could be wrong.

• 42:25Speaker 00

  Pick your bum and flavours.

• 42:27Speaker 01

  I loved anything where the, where you change the words, it's kidsy man.

• 42:30Speaker 00

  But we pick a bum and taste the flavours, it goes so well, it goes so well.

• 42:34Speaker 01

  Oh, Robyn won't even get it because he's never heard of neighbours.

• 42:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, because you have to, you have to go back and then teach him the, like, it's, yeah.

• 42:41Speaker 01

  Well, I taught them the Addams Family.

• 42:44Speaker 01

  Doodledooda, doodledooda, doodledooda, doodledooda, doodledooda. When the Addams Family started, Uncle Fester farted, he blew away the carpet and paralyzed the cat.

• 43:00Speaker 00

  Well, do you know what I did the other day?

• 43:01Speaker 01

  Happy Halloween?

• 43:02Speaker 00

  Do you know what I did the other day? This is actually, like, Carl was furious because I basically wasted his time. So can you remember the old Fisher Price adverts?

• 43:11Speaker 01

  Tell us.

• 43:11Speaker 00

  It's a great age, duh duh duh duh fun. It's a great age, duh duh duh duh duh. It's a great age for Fisher Price.

• 43:18Speaker 01

  I've, no, I passed it by.

• 43:20Speaker 00

  Okay, so you can't remember it, right?

• 43:20Speaker 01

  Terrible, terrible.

• 43:21Speaker 00

  So I don't know why, no, no, it was, I tried, yeah, I tried to find it, so anyone who remembered, but I was like, I was going to play golf the other day, we were on tour, and it was a really sunny day, and I was buzzing, and I was sitting in the van, and I was getting dropped off the golf course, and I was like, hey, do you remember the Fisher Price advert? And he was like, no. And I said that to you, I was like, it does, it's a great day. And he went, no, he went, why? I went, oh, well, because I've made like a golf song up, but if you don't know it, it doesn't matter. He went, oh, come on, tell us it anyway. So it was a...

• 43:45Speaker 01

  God. And you looked through me when I was singing?

• 43:48Speaker 00

  It was, it was a, it's a great day to walk in the sun, it's a great day to go and have some fun, it's a great day to not be a chef, it's a great day to pilly some glef.

• 44:06Speaker 01

  I will not laugh.

• 44:11Speaker 00

  Because Glef Brian's a chef, and if you're a chef, you're in his kitchen all day and there's no windows, but I'm not, I'm playing Glef.

• 44:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 44:18Speaker 00

  Well done, me.

• 44:19Speaker 01

  Congratulations. Babadu babadu babadu ba, babadu babadu babadu ba.

• 44:25Speaker 07

  Hi, Chris and Rosie. Just thought I would share a story about my husband who told me the other day that, um, when his grandad died, unfortunately, he died at home, and the whole family was there. And, um, his dad said to him, look, the undertaker's going to come in a moment and get grandad, and we can all say our goodbyes. My husband at the time, little boy, really, really into his wrestling, apparently got up, running around the room screaming, yes, the undertaker's coming, the undertaker's coming, thinking that it was actually the wrestler of WWE.

• 45:03Speaker 07

  Apparently, everybody was mortified that my husband was absolutely over the moon, couldn't wait for the undertaker to come and get his grandad.

• 45:11Speaker 01

  I knew it, I knew it as soon as he said the undertaker's coming, I knew it.

• 45:15Speaker 00

  Imagine, imagine how good it was when the door opened and they went, the undertaker's here, and he's like, that's not the fucking undertaker. The undertaker's six foot four and he comes out of a coffin and he's going to choke, he's going to choke slam someone.

• 45:27Speaker 01

  Terrible.

• 45:27Speaker 00

  Fantastic.

• 45:28Speaker 01

  Bless his heart.

• 45:29Speaker 00

  Love that.

• 45:30Speaker 02

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• 47:37Speaker 02

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• 47:44Speaker 04

  Huh, I'm having fewer headache days this month.

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• 48:27Speaker 01

  Hello, Rosie and Chris. Hello, Rosie and Chris.

• 48:30Speaker 00

  Hello.

• 48:31Speaker 01

  Have I been speaking Northern Irish at all?

• 48:33Speaker 00

  No.

• 48:33Speaker 01

  Oh, just because I'm with Nathan quite a lot at the minute, who is from Northern Ireland.

• 48:37Speaker 00

  All right, okay.

• 48:38Speaker 01

  Yeah. Do you know which word I love?

• 48:41Speaker 00

  What?

• 48:42Speaker 01

  Barbarous.

• 48:43Speaker 00

  Barbarous.

• 48:44Speaker 01

  He's like, it's so odd, isn't he? It's like being in Barbarous.

• 48:48Speaker 00

  That's good, that's good. How weird that I mentioned Fergus Craig. He's, uh, Neighbours show, I remember Fergus Craig had a bit about accents, and he had a, he used to do Northern Irish accent in that pony.

• 48:59Speaker 01

  Get your fucking knickers done now. I've done it no more.

• 49:01Speaker 00

  Get your knickers done right, fucking nay, nay. That's, again, not me, that's a comedian called Fergus Craig, and I, it's the only bit of, uh, Northern Irish accent I can do, and I do it quite regularly.

• 49:14Speaker 01

  It's a lovely, it's a lovely accent.

• 49:15Speaker 00

  Your knickers done right, fucking nay.

• 49:18Speaker 01

  I'm catching up on some episodes from last spring, and I wanted to one-up your ick about men who wear Speedos with t-shirts.

• 49:24Speaker 00

  Nice.

• 49:24Speaker 01

  That's off when I went away, and there was just old blokes with Speedos and shirts on, it was just, it was just Winnie the Pooh, it was fucking vile.

• 49:31Speaker 00

  Should be, I think it's had its day, I think we need to stop, I think you need to go, or, and I'm going to sound like an asshole here, but I feel like when you're buying one, if you're buying it online, if you're buying it in the shop, I feel like they need to look at you, and they go, lift your top up, you've got six pack, you've got abs, you're eight, you can have one, or they go, you buy it online, and you go, look, you need to send a photo of yourself, not the eye, because if you, we only sell these for people who look like models, and that's fine.

• 49:51Speaker 01

  I don't think you can get rid of Speedos, I think.

• 49:53Speaker 00

  I think you can, I think it should be gone.

• 49:53Speaker 01

  And it's a cultural thing, isn't it? Anyway, um, Rec Beach, Rec Beach.

• 50:00Speaker 00

  Rec Beach.

• 50:01Speaker 01

  Is an infamous informal nudist beach in Vancouver, on the west coast of Canada, FYI, for the geography queen. So all the old hippies are naked, except that it's freezing because it's on the Pacific, so they wear hoodies, just hoodies.

• 50:15Speaker 00

  Fuck off.

• 50:16Speaker 01

  What's the point?

• 50:18Speaker 00

  Hoodies.

• 50:19Speaker 01

  And nothing else.

• 50:20Speaker 00

  And cock out. I hate that, that's like, that's like winter Winnie the Poohing.

• 50:26Speaker 01

  It's horrible.

• 50:26Speaker 00

  I hate, I hate everything about that.

• 50:28Speaker 01

  What's the point? I don't understand what they're getting out of it.

• 50:31Speaker 00

  Like, to that point, wear a pair of jeans and your hoodie, undo your fly and just have your cock bollocks hanging on the fly.

• 50:37Speaker 01

  Just, just, aye.

• 50:38Speaker 00

  Or just go, yeah, you see me cock, there's me cock, like, what, what, what is this?

• 50:44Speaker 00

  What is this? It can't be about being free and being, because you've got a hoodie on.

• 50:49Speaker 01

  And, well, normally nudists, right? Because this is no shame against, it's normally hot countries and you think, well, fair enough. Do you know what I mean? Actually, yeah, nice, nice. But these are just, just pervs.

• 50:59Speaker 00

  Although, although, flip side, is this more impressive? Because they're more dedicated to it. They're not just doing it in the fucking heat like anyone can. They're like, this is cold and I've still got my tiny little shrivel cold cock out, but I have got a hoodie on. I don't like it at all.

• 51:14Speaker 01

  My vagina would go wrinkled as well. In the cold, it would. Do you know how you say that you, my, like, it's not, I don't, I don't really moisturise down there. Probably should. No, but it's probably the only piece of skin on my body that I don't moisturise. I moisturise everywhere else.

• 51:29Speaker 00

  Piece of skin.

• 51:32Speaker 00

  Piece of skin.

• 51:33Speaker 01

  You, don't you do?

• 51:35Speaker 00

  Get your piece of skin out.

• 51:36Speaker 01

  Love my piece of skin. My little stretch of skin.

• 51:41Speaker 00

  I was at, I was in a hotel, I was in a hotel breakfast the other day. And a guy, I always say stuff like this, like, you know, you always see people in, you know, shorts and a coat. Wooly hat and shorts and t-shirt and wooly hat and anything, pick one. A guy came down to the breakfast, it's the worst one I've ever seen, right? He had flip flops on, shorts and a t-shirt. And I'm not kidding, the biggest fucking scarf I have ever seen in my life. There's a viral photo of a guy and the scarf is so ridiculous, it's like he's carrying a duvet down the street. This guy had that at the hotel breakfast the other day. Flip flops, short, t-shirt and like a fucking, like a throw, like a throw from a sofa.

• 52:24Speaker 01

  At least he didn't have his cock out. I bet these have got scarves and hats on.

• 52:27Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 52:28Speaker 01

  I bet you, you're right, you know, it's weird, isn't it?

• 52:30Speaker 00

  Oh, so we're talking like Ugg boots, cock out, hoodie and a hat.

• 52:33Speaker 01

  What is it? What is it about just wanting to be?

• 52:36Speaker 00

  I don't know. I don't know. Just wanting to be free and have your, like, I couldn't think of anything worse.

• 52:41Speaker 01

  But there's a community, so.

• 52:43Speaker 00

  Uh, yeah. Doesn't make it good because there's loads of them.

• 52:46Speaker 01

  No. I couldn't think of anything worse.

• 52:49Speaker 00

  Not my thing.

• 52:50Speaker 01

  I was a bit of an exhibitionist when I was younger. Um, I used to get my kit off any, any opportunity.

• 52:57Speaker 00

  Right.

• 52:59Speaker 01

  We were watching a nudist programme once, I've told you, haven't I?

• 53:01Speaker 00

  Right.

• 53:02Speaker 01

  Me and me, we were at my mum's flat. Me, Steph and my mum are watching a nudist programme and slagging them all off. And then I went to the toilet and stripped off and came out naked, going, ah, it's horrible, isn't it?

• 53:12Speaker 00

  Well, that's funny though, that's a joke. That's a bit.

• 53:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:14Speaker 00

  That's well, well done, well done.

• 53:16Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 53:16Speaker 00

  That's a bit. That's not like, ah, just, I like being, I don't understand people like being naked, I just don't understand it. I don't understand it at all.

• 53:23Speaker 01

  Well.

• 53:23Speaker 00

  But, you know, fair play. It's not hurting anyone, I suppose. Especially if you've got the hoodies on. Jesus.

• 53:29Speaker 00

  If there's any nudists listening who could email in and convince us, if anyone in, listening is into, we'll keep you anonymous. If you want to email in and explain to me what's good about it, try and win us over. I might do an episode of the podcast with my cock out, you never know.

• 53:45Speaker 01

  Hmm.

• 53:45Speaker 00

  Yeah? I'd be under the table, so.

• 53:47Speaker 01

  Like, hmm, it's a funny one, isn't it?

• 53:51Speaker 00

  Yeah. I think if you don't get it, you're never going to get it. Do you understand? I think if you get it, if it's your thing, you think this is fucking great. And it's not a sexual thing either. I know it's not a sexual thing. They're not doing it because they're looking at each other's dicks. Yeah, yeah, they're not swinging and looking at each other's cocks and that. It's just like, oh, I just love, love being naked, it's all right.

• 54:07Speaker 01

  When did you last wipe your arse? When you're sitting on the chairs. Do you know what I mean? That's my thing though. Like, I'm all for bodies and stuff.

• 54:15Speaker 00

  Shower. And we don't like our kids getting out of the shower and sitting on the sofa clean. We get, get that fucking towel down.

• 54:20Speaker 01

  Dirty arses.

• 54:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 54:22Speaker 01

  Dirty bannies. Dirty cocks. It is though, isn't it?

• 54:25Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 54:26Speaker 01

  I don't, yeah, I'm, I'm on board with it. Listen. Hello. Thought you would find this funny as you have recently mentioned you went to London Zoo. Do you remember London Zoo?

• 54:33Speaker 00

  I do remember London Zoo.

• 54:34Speaker 01

  On the hottest goddamn day of the goddamn year.

• 54:36Speaker 00

  Yep.

• 54:36Speaker 01

  Few years ago, we were walking around London Zoo and they have different areas for different animals, one being Africa. We've got the African.

• 54:43Speaker 00

  Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 54:44Speaker 01

  For the lions, obviously.

• 54:45Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's, great zoo, set out brilliantly. We just, we just went on the hottest day of the year. It was horrendous.

• 54:50Speaker 01

  36 degrees.

• 54:50Speaker 00

  Yeah, it was unbearable.

• 54:52Speaker 01

  And none of the animals were out. Anyway. Whilst walking around, looking at the animals in this area, an old man behind us said, bit heavy on the African theme.

• 55:02Speaker 01

  And we have been saying it ever since. But adding in different words at the garden centre, bit heavy on the plant theme. Thought you might enjoy this for your new section.

• 55:11Speaker 00

  Bit heavy on the African theme. Or what, with the fucking, the, the, the, what is it? The cradle of all life? The, the, the most ridiculously diverse fucking, like, tell Edinburgh that, tell Edinburgh that.

• 55:24Speaker 01

  Can't win, can you?

• 55:25Speaker 00

  Bit less about the Afri, are you serious?

• 55:28Speaker 01

  They've even got the animals over.

• 55:30Speaker 00

  Ridic, it's fu, it's incredible continent with unbelievably, oh, some people are just tossers. Oh my god. Bit heavy on the Afri, why is it, where's the Cornwall section? It's fucking on there, what do you want, seagulls? Oh.

• 55:47Speaker 01

  Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba. Dear Chris and Rosie, just a quick one. I was in lush this afternoon buying a couple of treats for myself on payday. Whilst I was perusing the bat bombs, I overheard a conversation between a lady buying an assortment of items and the sales assistant. I'm not quite sure what was said leading up to this, but the lady declared that her daughter had just been diagnosed with type one diabetes, the insulin injecting kind. The sales assistant replied to this information with, how lovely, would you like a bag? The lady sort of hesitated but said yes and then quickly left. Very confused by this interaction, I then went to pay myself. As the sales assistant was putting a label on my soap, he suddenly looked at me dead in the eye and with a look of horror, I just said, that lady just told me her daughter has type one diabetes and I just replied with, how lovely.

• 56:34Speaker 00

  Oh, god.

• 56:35Speaker 01

  I didn't know what to say other than, yes, yes, you did. We both looked down, I paid quietly and we didn't speak again.

• 56:42Speaker 00

  Oh, no. So he was, he was on another planet, wasn't he? He was not listening, he was not thinking, he's accident, that's a, you know, oh, enjoy your meal, you too.

• 56:53Speaker 01

  Love you too, yeah. I do it all the time. I do it all the time.

• 56:57Speaker 00

  Yeah, but that's one of the worst ones I've ever heard.

• 56:58Speaker 01

  A very, very quick observation here for you. I just want to get your thoughts on this, okay? There's nothing rude, don't worry. Hi Rosie and Chris, long time listener, first time emailer. I was listening to the podcast while packing up my Click and Collect from Tesco this morning and I saw something that I needed to tell you about. The guy in the next car was uploading, uploading, unloading his food shop into black bin bags.

• 57:20Speaker 00

  Oh, I don't like that.

• 57:23Speaker 01

  They weren't even new off a roll.

• 57:24Speaker 00

  Oh, no.

• 57:25Speaker 01

  Just in the boot of his car. Does he reuse them every week? I'm not sure why this bothered me so much, but I couldn't stop thinking about him on the way home. Definitely serial killer.

• 57:34Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's got a real criminal vibe and I don't know why.

• 57:37Speaker 01

  I know, but it's not. It's actually quite.

• 57:40Speaker 00

  It's not, but I don't know why.

• 57:42Speaker 01

  I think a bin bag's too big to just put your weekly shop in.

• 57:45Speaker 00

  Well, he's obviously, so it's the Click and Collect, so he's obviously getting it, picking it up there and it comes in them things, doesn't he? You've got to put it in your car. Well, he's obviously, you know, what you're going to use, eight carrier bags or four bin liners. He's saving time.

• 57:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:57Speaker 00

  But, yeah, there's a lot going in there. Have a box. Have a box in the back here, but it's really upsetting. I don't know why.

• 58:03Speaker 01

  I know. I think the boxes are the way forward, like.

• 58:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 58:06Speaker 01

  A box, that doesn't happen very much anymore.

• 58:09Speaker 00

  You don't see them anymore. You used to see them all at the back of the, next to the tills in the supermarket, Quick Save, Safeway.

• 58:14Speaker 01

  The little bench.

• 58:15Speaker 00

  Loads of boxes and it was like, use them instead of bags. Genius, I thought.

• 58:19Speaker 01

  Aldi used to do it as well.

• 58:20Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 58:21Speaker 01

  I think they still do.

• 58:22Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 58:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, don't see it as much anymore, do you?

• 58:24Speaker 00

  But the bad, like, so here's one, right? Putting it all into a hold all would look weird. I always find it weird when people put them in a backpack, but it's really clever. It's a really clever thing to do.

• 58:35Speaker 01

  Right. I've, I've got something to say and I've mentioned this years ago and I genuinely know, I know how I like to be an entrepreneur. Someone's probably already done it. I, but I might actually bring it back for me and see if people copy.

• 58:47Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 58:48Speaker 01

  I might. Why can't we use the little nana rollers?

• 58:52Speaker 00

  Oh, oh, could not agree more.

• 58:54Speaker 01

  I'm sorry, but like.

• 58:56Speaker 00

  For going to your messages.

• 58:57Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 58:57Speaker 00

  Hundred percent.

• 58:58Speaker 01

  Get like, do you know how, how much your fingers kill? I'm really jealous.

• 59:04Speaker 00

  I, I think I'll hundred percent bring them back, but could make them like cool. You could put like, good, like, you know.

• 59:09Speaker 01

  I'm not even joking. Should we do this?

• 59:11Speaker 00

  Fucking, yeah, man, we'll get like Louis Vuitton ones, Burberry ones, all fake, obviously, you know, like, just the print. Um, I'm not paying.

• 59:17Speaker 01

  You never know.

• 59:17Speaker 00

  Paying that kind of money for one of them. But yeah, imagine that though.

• 59:20Speaker 01

  I just think it's ridiculous. I'll literally want to walk to wherever, Sainsbury's, one stop, bloody Tesco, all of them.

• 59:27Speaker 00

  Oh my god, it would be fantastic.

• 59:29Speaker 01

  Roll it back.

• 59:30Speaker 00

  For you, when you go around scanning, imagine that, when you do your scanning.

• 59:33Speaker 01

  Putting it straight in your bag.

• 59:34Speaker 00

  Here's the thing, have we talked about this? Have I imagined this? What if you took a suitcase in? Have we seen, has someone written in, seen someone shop them in a suitcase?

• 59:43Speaker 01

  Well, I've never seen that, but maybe. But that's another good idea.

• 59:46Speaker 00

  Imagine that though. Just take the little wheel thing, open the top and just put your stuff, boop, in. Oh, but then no, because you'd get to the thing and they'd go, oh, we need to check it and they'd have to empty your whole, ah. When they have to empty my packing, I fucking can't bear it.

• 59:58Speaker 01

  They check me every time, you know.

• 1:00:00Speaker 00

  Someone put, someone the other week put a, a bunch of bananas on top of my bread. I nearly took my head off at the, I nearly took my head off at the tills. I went, can you, can you not?

• 1:00:09Speaker 01

  When you packed it lovely.

• 1:00:10Speaker 00

  I was going to check all these, just rags everything out. Oh, it's soul destroying, soul destroying.

• 1:00:16Speaker 01

  Well, I've learned that it's when you do the big shop, it's when you do the big shop, that's when they get you.

• 1:00:21Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 1:00:21Speaker 01

  Because it's like, well, I'll just go through a till then.

• 1:00:23Speaker 00

  I imagine a lot of people just go, well, I'll get two packs of themselves as well, only click one of them.

• 1:00:28Speaker 01

  Aye, well, I think that's why they're doing it. Anyway, let's look into this, genuinely.

• 1:00:32Speaker 00

  Nana bags. Nana, nana bags on wheels for, for going to my messages. Oh, hundred percent, hundred percent.

• 1:00:38Speaker 01

  Right. I'm in, I'm all in.

• 1:00:41Speaker 00

  I'm in.

• 1:00:43Speaker 01

  I'm in.

• 1:00:43Speaker 00

  All in blind, lifesavings.

• 1:00:45Speaker 01

  Definitely probably already a thing.

• 1:00:46Speaker 00

  Can still buy them. Let's get them for young people. Let's make them look young.

• 1:00:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm going to have a look.

• 1:00:49Speaker 00

  Ish.

• 1:00:50Speaker 01

  Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, ba.

• 1:00:54Speaker 01

  As always, thank you so much for listening and watching this week's episode of Shag Marinode.

• 1:00:58Speaker 00

  Yes, thank you very much. If you want to send an email in, it is [email protected]. If you want to send any voice notes, it is 0787 440 6650. Thank you again, lovely lady who made that. It's just so much easier. Not when I keep thanking her again, but I'll, I'll stop next week. When we're back in your ears and your fluffy little eyes. Bye.

• 1:01:16Speaker 01

  Bye.

• 1:01:29Speaker 02

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