Pod Insights Sh**ged Married Annoyed Another Stag Do, A Little Accident and Memories of Snogging Strangers About this episode On this week's Shagged Married Annoyed, Chris has been on yet ANOTHER trip. This one involved a lot of Guinness, a lost passport and an early exit.
The pair discuss trouser shorts, arm tights, losing airpods and and what happens when you take a good banana through airport security.
All of this plus some brilliant beefs, (foot wash anyone?) a verruca update, some Mormon Wife correspondence and a BJJ injury.
If you want to get involved and have your stories and voice
notes included on the podcast, then get in touch!
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Transcript 13,420 words · 8 speakers
0:00 Speaker 00 Coming up on this week's episode of Shag Married Annoyed.
0:02 Speaker 01 Chris has had a little accident.
0:04 Speaker 00 We can't talk about it. We can't talk about it. We've just got to move on. Just got to move on.
0:07 Speaker 01 Busy pants.
0:07 Speaker 00 I've got a stag do, I've got a stag do update for everyone. I've been on another stag do.
0:11 Speaker 01 Of course, yeah. Chris has hurt himself at BJJ again.
0:14 Speaker 00 Been a busy week for me. Been a really busy week.
0:16 Speaker 01 We've got our beefs, voice notes and more wart magic.
0:19 Speaker 00 Freaking me out, this wart stuff. Freaking me out. Got an interesting email about Mormons and parking.
0:25 Speaker 01 Yes. And we accidentally name our imaginary dog.
0:30 Speaker 00 Was genuinely the most confusing thing that's ever happened to us. Enjoy.
0:35 Speaker 02 Whenever fall comes back around, it always feels like a fresh start. This year, I've been layering in some styles from the new Lululemon fall drop because the weather is shifting and I find I have to be ready for the entire day and not just one part of it. Lululemon's fall line has some really versatile transitional pieces, so I can just wake up, throw on a matching set, add a jacket or a fleece and head out, knowing that I'll feel comfortable enough to go wherever the day takes me. Check out the new fall arrivals in store and online now at lululemon.com.
1:04 Speaker 03 Ugh, I hate Mondays. King's Hawaiian cinnamon swirl bite? Taylor Hanson? Sure, I'll try one.
1:10 Speaker 01 Mmm.
1:13 Speaker 03 Hey, let's get back to work, please. But Taylor Hanson's making my day way better with these new soft and swirly King's Hawaiian cinnamon bites. Taylor Hanson? Nice. Try one. Mmm.
1:26 Speaker 04 King's Hawaiian cinnamon bites. There's nothing like it.
1:34 Speaker 01 Hello, you are listening and watching possibly Shag Married Annoyed with me, Rosie Ramsey, my husband, Christopher Ramsey. Lavalade to have you back.
1:42 Speaker 00 Hello. Hi. Hope you're all having a hot and sweaty time out there. Having a nice little.
1:46 Speaker 01 I'm not complaining about it.
1:47 Speaker 00 No, but we don't live in London.
1:48 Speaker 01 But we don't live in London. Or, you know, southern, just down south, because it's, we're in London. Separately next week.
1:56 Speaker 00 Yeah, we are.
1:56 Speaker 01 It's El Scortio.
1:58 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
1:58 Speaker 01 And it's a bit complicated actually, because all, as a northerner, and I think other people will understand this, the north-south divide. The only kind of clothes that I have, which are suitable for thirty degrees, are very summery.
2:10 Speaker 00 Yeah, very holiday clothes.
2:12 Speaker 01 Very holiday.
2:13 Speaker 00 Yeah.
2:13 Speaker 01 Very like floral and intense, and I just don't feel like that is a London vibe.
2:18 Speaker 00 I get you.
2:19 Speaker 01 Do you know what I mean?
2:20 Speaker 00 Yeah.
2:21 Speaker 01 Maybe it is, I don't, I lo-, I kind of love down there that nobody gives a shit what they're wearing.
2:25 Speaker 00 Yeah.
2:25 Speaker 01 Up here, people take the piss out of you if you've got a hat on.
2:27 Speaker 00 But I've said this loads of ti-, yeah, I've said this loads of ti-, people don't give a fuck what you're wearing in London.
2:30 Speaker 01 I know, I love that.
2:32 Speaker 00 Um, I've said this loads of times, you've got, uh, when we're going to London and it's hot from here, you've got to dress for three climates.
2:37 Speaker 01 Yeah.
2:37 Speaker 00 You've got to dress for what it is here.
2:38 Speaker 01 Yeah.
2:39 Speaker 00 What it's gonna be on the train.
2:40 Speaker 01 Twenty-five here.
2:41 Speaker 00 No, no, what it's gonna be on the train and then what it's gonna be in London.
2:43 Speaker 01 Yeah.
2:43 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah.
2:43 Speaker 01 I'm looking forward to it though.
2:44 Speaker 00 I remember one time I had a pair of, um, ick, I had a pair of like cargo pants that zipped off into shorts.
2:51 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
2:52 Speaker 00 Ick.
2:53 Speaker 01 Well, when was this? You weren't with me.
2:56 Speaker 00 No, I was, uh.
2:57 Speaker 01 I wouldn't have allowed them, no.
2:58 Speaker 00 I think it was from Manchester. I was getting the train from Manchester to London when I was.
3:01 Speaker 01 Very like fisherman vibes.
3:03 Speaker 00 Yeah.
3:04 Speaker 01 Very like me dad.
3:05 Speaker 00 Right, yeah.
3:05 Speaker 01 No, I'm not, I'm, I'm.
3:06 Speaker 00 I remember zipping them off on the train and thinking, I am Mister Prepared.
3:10 Speaker 01 Oh god, oh Jesus. And what, did you just hide them in your bag?
3:13 Speaker 00 Yeah, I'd say I just put them on my arms, like little sleeves.
3:16 Speaker 01 Oh, nice.
3:16 Speaker 00 No, I'm joking, I just, I think I probably put them in pockets because I was dead cool, I didn't have a bag.
3:19 Speaker 01 I don't know how I'd slag you off though, you know, because some of the stuff I used to wear when I was younger. Speaking of like, putting stuff around your arms, I used to go on an R and B night, on a Wednesday night at a visa.
3:28 Speaker 00 Yeah.
3:29 Speaker 01 And me and me mate Abby would wear tights, fishnet tights on her arms.
3:33 Speaker 00 I remember, yes, yes, the arm tight slags, I remember.
3:35 Speaker 01 That was us, that's what everyone used to call them.
3:37 Speaker 00 Had their own theme tune.
3:38 Speaker 01 What was it?
3:39 Speaker 00 Tight slags, they'll suck you off, arm tight slags, they'll.
3:44 Speaker 01 Suck you off for half a tab?
3:46 Speaker 00 Yeah, we just kept saying all that.
3:47 Speaker 01 Okay, good, nice.
3:49 Speaker 00 So I was really put on the spot and I was very aware that I was saying the word slag. It's weird, you know, because sometimes when I'm doing other things, maybe in Mot the Week, I, I'll sometimes go a little bit sexist because I'm full sexist in front of you to wind you up to get a reaction. And I sort of hoay the word slag about because you're here saying it as well.
4:06 Speaker 01 You're not allowed.
4:07 Speaker 00 When I'm on my own, sometimes I let it slip and people are like, fucking hell, alright, pig. And I'm like, oh, sorry, I'm normally sitting next to my wife and this is normally fine.
4:14 Speaker 01 I'm the same.
4:15 Speaker 00 As the pair of, we make like a, a, a one.
4:17 Speaker 01 Chris.
4:18 Speaker 00 Yeah.
4:18 Speaker 01 Sometimes, I'm horrible to men.
4:22 Speaker 01 And I think, oh no, Rosie, you can't do it to these men.
4:24 Speaker 00 That's not your husband.
4:25 Speaker 01 No, and because it's very much.
4:27 Speaker 00 Tongue in cheek.
4:28 Speaker 01 Tongue in cheek and a joke. Like the stuff that we, obviously.
4:31 Speaker 00 Oh, I'm tight slags. They'll put the tongues in your cheek. That was the other bit.
4:35 Speaker 01 Put your tongues in your cheeks.
4:36 Speaker 00 You put your tongues in, you'll kiss, kiss them.
4:38 Speaker 01 I couldn't think of anything worse. Do you know what's so funny? Ask me now, as a nearly 40 year old woman, to go and snog a stranger on a night out. Tongues the lot.
4:45 Speaker 00 I'd rather die.
4:46 Speaker 01 Honestly.
4:47 Speaker 00 I'd rather die. Can I take them to the dentist first? Can we quickly nip to a dentist? I want him to floss you. I want him to do the, the scraping. Full mouthwash.
4:55 Speaker 01 Just couldn't.
4:55 Speaker 00 Full polish.
4:56 Speaker 01 When, guys, when, like.
4:58 Speaker 00 In fact, pee into this cup. Let's see what you've got.
5:01 Speaker 01 Let's get a test.
5:01 Speaker 00 Yeah, let's get a swab.
5:02 Speaker 01 That is a good question. Okay, so the millennials or the, what's the one?
5:06 Speaker 00 We're millennials.
5:07 Speaker 01 We're millennials. That's what I'm asking.
5:08 Speaker 00 Oh, sorry.
5:09 Speaker 01 Wine show fucking naked.
5:11 Speaker 00 Continue.
5:11 Speaker 01 So this is a question for the millennials and the J Xs, who are the one above us.
5:15 Speaker 00 And the Zs.
5:16 Speaker 01 And then the Z, yeah, the, even the boomers, listen, right?
5:19 Speaker 00 Yeah.
5:19 Speaker 01 We all know much more now.
5:22 Speaker 00 Yeah.
5:22 Speaker 01 So what are the singles doing? Are they snogging, tonguing on the first date? Or do you have to get? No, I don't think people are.
5:29 Speaker 00 I believe they are.
5:30 Speaker 01 Nah, you just wouldn't.
5:31 Speaker 00 Are you out there snogging and tonguing on the first date? Let me know. Are you on the dance floor? Ah, well, hey, look, hey, not many times, but I remember snogging multiple people in one night.
5:39 Speaker 01 Oh my God. We used to have competitions.
5:42 Speaker 00 Sorry?
5:43 Speaker 01 We would have, like, the girls who I used to go, we would have competitions of how.
5:48 Speaker 00 Beg, beg your pardon.
5:49 Speaker 01 What?
5:50 Speaker 00 Sorry.
5:50 Speaker 01 What do you mean?
5:51 Speaker 00 You, you've snogged more than one person in, in the night.
5:54 Speaker 01 Oh.
5:54 Speaker 00 I thought it was just me. I thought, sorry.
5:56 Speaker 01 I'm embarrassed to say what I think I've got to do. You weren't a stud, Chris. I'm sorry, you were part of the, the competition.
6:03 Speaker 00 Oh my God, I wasn't a stud, it was a statistic?
6:06 Speaker 01 You were but, you were but a number.
6:09 Speaker 00 Well, so them, sorry, so them five lasses I kissed that night when I was at E and E, they were all, I was just on a leaderboard, like Top Gear. Fuck this. I knew you all tasted of kebab, the same kebab.
6:22 Speaker 01 Couldn't do that now, no chance. I'd rather die.
6:26 Speaker 00 Yeah.
6:26 Speaker 01 I'd have to at least know somebody now to be able to swap saliva.
6:31 Speaker 00 But the amount of people I speak to who just still stink, the amount of people I just, I just think.
6:35 Speaker 01 It's not even that, it's just more like, I don't know.
6:37 Speaker 00 Yeah, vile.
6:38 Speaker 01 Yeah.
6:38 Speaker 00 Covid taught a lot, or did it? Let we know. Now, listen, guys, thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for watching. If you are, please subscribe on YouTube. Thank you for listening. Please subscribe on your podcast shops and we do really appreciate you coming back every time. We don't want to over egg the pudding, but we really, really do.
6:50 Speaker 01 Absolutely.
6:51 Speaker 00 And without further ado, it's time for this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor. Now, this and this week's sponsor, very important. The company have been in touch and they don't want any discussion after the fact. I've just got to say the sponsor.
7:03 Speaker 01 Sorry, sorry. Am I being silenced?
7:06 Speaker 00 It's big money here, big, big bucks, seriously, big bucks. No discussion after the fact, no diluting of the product.
7:13 Speaker 01 Right.
7:14 Speaker 00 I've just got to say what it is. I've got to read it off the sheet, word for word, okay? And then I don't want to discuss.
7:20 Speaker 01 You, you are.
7:21 Speaker 00 They don't want to discuss.
7:22 Speaker 01 You are something else.
7:23 Speaker 00 The company don't want to discuss. Are you okay with this? Right, good.
7:25 Speaker 01 No, I'm not.
7:25 Speaker 00 This week, you have to be, you have to be. It's, it's, it's £300 million.
7:29 Speaker 01 Oh, God.
7:34 Speaker 01 All right, Joe Rogan, at least say something, but.
7:37 Speaker 00 Per download.
7:39 Speaker 01 Listen, all right.
7:40 Speaker 00 Okay, right, good.
7:42 Speaker 01 No, because then again, I will not be silenced for money. So.
7:45 Speaker 00 You fucking, yeah, you will.
7:46 Speaker 01 No, I fucking would not.
7:47 Speaker 00 Of course you would.
7:48 Speaker 01 No, I'm not.
7:49 Speaker 00 There's a, there's a number, there's a number that would silence me on anything.
7:53 Speaker 01 Listen, don't play the big in of going, "I'll do anything for money" because you fucking wouldn't because you've got a conscience.
7:59 Speaker 00 Okay.
7:59 Speaker 01 So whatever, right? Carry on though with your bullshit sponsor.
8:03 Speaker 00 You've always ruined it now. It's okay, I'll bring it back. This week's sponsor, which you've shot all over, this week's sponsor, again, no talking about it, just want to go on. This week's sponsor is attempting to quickly undo the drawstrings on your pants because you're desperate for the toilet, but accidentally knotting it so tight that you almost piss yourself trying to undo it. Again, don't want to discuss it, let's just move on.
8:26 Speaker 01 Where did that happen?
8:27 Speaker 00 Yesterday.
8:27 Speaker 01 Oh, where?
8:29 Speaker 00 Weed myself a little bit.
8:31 Speaker 01 Where?
8:31 Speaker 00 Downstairs.
8:32 Speaker 01 In the house?
8:33 Speaker 00 Yeah.
8:34 Speaker 01 We had to change your pants.
8:35 Speaker 00 We'd pants shorts, all weed. This, we're not supposed to discuss this.
8:39 Speaker 01 Oh, God.
8:41 Speaker 00 I went for the, pulled it, and I couldn't get it round over me, over me hips. My hips don't lie. I couldn't get, and I.
8:49 Speaker 01 You've weeded your pants.
8:50 Speaker 00 I've weeded my pants.
8:51 Speaker 01 You've weeded your pants. Okay, well done. Welcome, listen.
8:54 Speaker 00 I'm thirty nine.
8:54 Speaker 01 Welcome to the crew.
8:55 Speaker 00 Oh, you weed your pants on the trampoline.
8:56 Speaker 01 I weed my pants all the time, joking. I woke up at the house with my period and it goes on, thank God, pissing, fully pissing after that trampoline.
9:03 Speaker 00 Yeah.
9:03 Speaker 01 That's fine, don't worry about it.
9:04 Speaker 00 You were bold going on that trampoline the other day, very bold. Do you see us on the trampoline, get jealous, forget yourself, go on the trampoline and think, oh, this is why I don't.
9:10 Speaker 01 Every time I see you on that trampoline, I think, I fucking loved bouncing on a trampoline. But can I tell you right now, I've been doing running and walking and all that shit. Like, I do that quite often and it's not great for your pelvic floor. I need to get, like, it kind of, I think it loosens it a bit. So I need to, I just need to do more exercises. I'll do them now.
9:31 Speaker 00 Great. Well, join us after the intro when she's got a stronger pelvic floor.
9:56 Speaker 01 Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shag Marde Noi.
10:00 Speaker 00 Hello, hello.
10:01 Speaker 01 Hope yous are all well, hope life is going okay. Even if it's not, don't worry about it.
10:06 Speaker 00 Let's just try and have a listen to this and cheer you up for the next forty minutes or so, fifty minutes.
10:10 Speaker 01 Can't be perfect all the time, can it?
10:11 Speaker 00 It really can't.
10:12 Speaker 01 Life.
10:13 Speaker 00 But, uh, update from me, I've been on another stag do.
10:17 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah, we know.
10:18 Speaker 00 Been on another stag do, didn't I? Went to Dublin for a stag do.
10:20 Speaker 01 Yep.
10:20 Speaker 00 Woo woo.
10:21 Speaker 01 Tell them how long you lasted.
10:22 Speaker 00 Came back a day early. Came back a day early. One of me best mate's stag do's, thankfully he, he was very understanding.
10:29 Speaker 01 He knows what a pussy you are.
10:32 Speaker 00 You cried with joy when I came back.
10:34 Speaker 01 I was very happy. Um, I ju, I, you're not like. Maybe both of us. I just don't think we're that, um, them people anymore.
10:43 Speaker 00 I just, I can't, don't get us wrong, I've made a new rule. I can't do two day drinkings in a row. Like, we did the one, it was great, we were at the airport drinking, on the plane, we got to Dublin, just Guinness, Guinness, Guinness. Fuck me, the day after, the day, love Guinness, love Guinness. The day after a session on the Guinness, I was sharing a room with my mate Jordan. If you told me that in the night after the session on Guinness, he put a funnel up me arse and in me mouth and poured cement into us and let it set, I would a hundred percent believe him.
11:16 Speaker 01 Oh no, and do you know what as well? Alright, I'm gonna tell you right now what was wrong with you as well. You'll have been holding in your fart.
11:23 Speaker 00 No.
11:24 Speaker 01 No, but you will have, like, subconsciously.
11:26 Speaker 00 No, no, he got, no, he got, no, he got full, he got gale force winds, he got, he got wind warning, he got amber, he got amber alert. Oh yeah, it was horrible in that room, it was unbearable. And it was already hot and the aircon didn't work and the window opened over the restaurant and you could just smell food getting fried. It was the worst. Anyway, listen, listen, uh, yeah, it just, honestly, like, hats off to everyone who can drink Guinness and have a full night on the Guinness and be alright the next day. I think that. I felt about fifteen stone heavier.
11:53 Speaker 01 I think the trick is with Guinness to not eat.
11:55 Speaker 00 Right.
11:56 Speaker 01 I think it's like.
11:56 Speaker 00 See, we had a curry afterwards as well, so it was, there was hell on.
11:59 Speaker 01 Well, there you go. It's a fully blown meal.
12:01 Speaker 00 That room was a fucking bio, has it. Anyway, listen, um, couple of updates, right? I learnt something.
12:07 Speaker 01 Yeah.
12:07 Speaker 00 We were.
12:07 Speaker 01 Something Irish?
12:08 Speaker 00 No, no, no, this starts in the airport, right? So we, we got the, we got to the airport and we're going through security and I took a banana from our fruit bowl to have, you know, because I knew everyone was gonna get on the drink straight away. It was about eight o'clock in the morning, right? So I took a banana, I was like, I'll eat a banana first, right? Uh, it was in me bag, what?
12:28 Speaker 00 I'm an old man, I had a banana, I had a banana, I had an electrolyte drink and I had a protein yogurt, right? And everyone else was like on the Guinness. And so I put me hand luggage, I had me little wheelie suitcase, all hand luggage, but I had the wheelie suitcase, then I had my backpack.
12:41 Speaker 01 Yeah.
12:41 Speaker 00 I put it, I put them through and you know, when they go through the security and then it stops and it's like, oh.
12:46 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
12:46 Speaker 00 It doesn't, if it slides it to the side and down the next one, it's getting checked.
12:49 Speaker 01 Yeah.
12:49 Speaker 00 So my case comes down.
12:51 Speaker 01 Mm hmm.
12:51 Speaker 00 But my backpack gets checked, right? And the young lass, she gets it off the thing, she puts, she goes, this yours, I went, yeah. She went, right. And I was thinking, what could it be? Is it be toiletries? Is there too much, you know, have I got too many liquids or whatever? And she went, it'll be your banana.
13:05 Speaker 01 Why?
13:05 Speaker 00 Well, I went, what do you mean?
13:07 Speaker 01 You can take food through.
13:08 Speaker 00 Yeah, nah. She went, she went, yeah, nah. She went, it'll be your banana. And she went, and you can tell it's a good one, because it must have really high potassium levels, because that's what set the machine off. And I looked at her and I, I regretted it as soon as I said it. I genuinely meant it, but it was one of the stupidest things I've ever said. I went, eh, and we're gonna have to eat it all now.
13:30 Speaker 01 What, like down in a bottle of water? When you see everyone down in their waters, God, it's tragic.
13:34 Speaker 00 We're gonna have to.
13:35 Speaker 01 I hate the human race. That's one time when I go, God, what, what, what's wrong with we?
13:39 Speaker 00 Just leave it.
13:39 Speaker 01 No, but like, just, we all, we've all travelled loads before. You know, you can't take your water, what you bought a bottle of water for?
13:45 Speaker 00 Yeah.
13:46 Speaker 01 Anyway.
13:46 Speaker 00 A massive one.
13:47 Speaker 01 Go on, so what happened?
13:48 Speaker 00 So she went, no. And I went, right, okay. And then she went.
13:50 Speaker 01 Did it get swabbed?
13:51 Speaker 00 Well, she went, no, she went, it just means, she went, it's the banana, she went, it just means it's a really good one, because it's higher. And I went, well, it was from Waitrose. It wasn't, but that was the joke. Um, but, uh, yeah, and she actually said, so shout out to you, because she actually said, uh, I hope we hear about this on the podcast. So, thank you very much.
14:05 Speaker 01 Oh, there you go.
14:05 Speaker 00 Um, couple more updates. Went, we drank in the hotel, uh, sorry, in the airport that we went through. Um, the next day.
14:11 Speaker 01 Did you have a morning drink in the airport?
14:13 Speaker 00 I did.
14:14 Speaker 01 This is what, see what a silly billy.
14:16 Speaker 00 When I'm with the, yeah, when I'm with the.
14:17 Speaker 01 I can't do it, mate.
14:19 Speaker 00 When I'm with the pigs, I, uh, I always just go for it. So a couple of Guinnesses, uh, and then got there and then went around loads of different pubs. The next morning, on the WhatsApp, one of the lads, um, we're talking eight o'clock in the morning here. Has anyone got my passport? I've lost it. We're there for two days, two days.
14:38 Speaker 01 Didn't need his passport either. Or did he?
14:39 Speaker 00 Yeah, Dublin.
14:40 Speaker 01 Yeah, Dublin.
14:40 Speaker 00 No, uh, like if you were at Belfast, you wouldn't need it.
14:43 Speaker 01 Yes.
14:43 Speaker 00 You'd need your driving licence, I think.
14:45 Speaker 01 I'm learning.
14:45 Speaker 00 Um, so, yeah, so.
14:47 Speaker 01 So what, where is his passport?
14:48 Speaker 00 Well. Gets up, messages everyone, no one's got it, no, no. And they're staying in, incredibly, they're staying in university halls.
14:58 Speaker 01 Yeah. What was it, what were they like?
15:00 Speaker 00 I don't know, I didn't see them.
15:01 Speaker 01 I think they rent them out during the summer, when there's nobody staying there. Or it might be like a funky new sort of thing, that somebody's bought them all.
15:10 Speaker 00 Yeah.
15:10 Speaker 01 As rooms, I don't know.
15:11 Speaker 00 Well, I don't know. So anyway, they're staying in university halls. He wakes up, can't find his passport. So he's still like hanging, he gets up, he goes back into Dublin, city centre. He goes to like the four pubs that we went to, two of them were open, didn't have it.
15:23 Speaker 01 He had it on him?
15:24 Speaker 00 Yeah.
15:25 Speaker 01 Why?
15:25 Speaker 00 I don't know. I don't know.
15:27 Speaker 01 How old is he?
15:28 Speaker 00 A man, like, like late 30s man, I don't know, definitely not. So, he is quite little. Littlest of the group by a mile, but you know.
15:37 Speaker 01 But still very much over 25 now.
15:40 Speaker 00 Yeah. So maybe hoping, maybe thinking, oh god, I've been moisturising.
15:45 Speaker 01 Maybe he's been asked for it once and he's just thought, I'm not fucking doing this.
15:48 Speaker 00 Been. So goes to four pubs, two of them are open or whatever, no, I haven't got it, other two I should. Goes to the curry place, doesn't open till 12, freaking out, goes back, it's in his bedside drawer.
15:58 Speaker 01 What the fuck's he putting in his bedside drawer for?
16:00 Speaker 00 He must have put it in his bedside drawer and then just forgot about it. What's happened is, well, what's happened is, he opened the bedside drawer and it stood up on its side and it stuck to the back as he opened it. And he couldn't see it. Freaking, that's not, you know, when you're hungover.
16:13 Speaker 01 Yeah.
16:13 Speaker 00 And you're trying to find something. Oh my god.
16:15 Speaker 01 It's the worst.
16:16 Speaker 00 But to tell you about the halls.
16:17 Speaker 01 Trying to find something in general. Do you know, I've, I've gone back for, for two reasons, right? Bluetooth headphones.
16:24 Speaker 00 Do you want to tell everyone your new catchphrase?
16:26 Speaker 01 Where's me headphones?
16:27 Speaker 00 Where's me headphones?
16:28 Speaker 01 I've given up on Bluetooth headphones. One, because I think that they're actually not good for our brains.
16:32 Speaker 00 Great.
16:32 Speaker 01 By the way, you're still using yours, but whatever. And two, I just lose them. Just, they're just, they're smaller, smaller than a fucking regular tampon. Like, what the fuck? No, I think, oh my god.
16:46 Speaker 00 There's a very specific reason you don't lose the tampon. It's literally stuck inside you.
16:50 Speaker 01 I mean, carrying them in your bag.
16:51 Speaker 00 Okay.
16:54 Speaker 01 I've got, I've just invented something.
16:56 Speaker 00 Okay.
16:57 Speaker 01 I think you should have like a book with a bit cut out like they do in prison and you should put them in there.
17:05 Speaker 00 It's just a larger case.
17:07 Speaker 01 A bigger case.
17:08 Speaker 00 So you think, yeah.
17:09 Speaker 01 Because then you wouldn't lose it as much. You'd carry it round in your, in like in a tote bag, but I suppose in your handbag. I just think they're too small.
17:17 Speaker 00 Stupid, right. You've said some stupid stuff.
17:19 Speaker 01 Put them on my key ring.
17:21 Speaker 00 You can probably get them. Do you know, my mate, Michael's got a little thing and it's a, it's a little pack of Doritos. It's a, it's a case, but it turns them into a little pack of Doritos and you open it up. You can get all kinds of cases for the AirPods, all kinds of cases.
17:34 Speaker 01 My problem is it's just too small and I just keep losing them.
17:37 Speaker 00 Sorry, we need, we need to dissect what you've just said. So you're thinking, end of Shawshank Redemption. He's not in his cell. The put, the, the press the, the poster, the see the massive hole that he's tunnelled through. The open his Bible and there's a cut out of a toffee hammer. You think the idea that, that, the, the.
17:58 Speaker 01 I think it's quirky. I think people will love it.
18:00 Speaker 00 Is to have a book.
18:01 Speaker 01 Yep.
18:02 Speaker 00 And you open the book and inside the book, there was a cut out thing, the exact size of an AirPods case, and that's where you keep it.
18:08 Speaker 01 Yep. I'm telling you right now, I've just invented something. I wanna make, I wanna make a handbag.
18:13 Speaker 00 Yeah.
18:13 Speaker 01 I wanna make a handbag, but it's just got compartments. So you open it up and there's a little space for a lipstick. There's a little space for a couple of keys. There's a little space for your AirPods and then there's a little, and then there's a space for your phone. And everything fits in. And then you just close it so that when you open it, you're like, oh, there's everything instead of, ah, fucking hate rifling through my handbag.
18:35 Speaker 00 Okay, okay. Where are you gonna put your apple that's wrapped in a bit of kitchen roll that you always take with you?
18:40 Speaker 01 I'm not saying you can fit everything in this.
18:41 Speaker 00 Great.
18:42 Speaker 01 You can't.
18:43 Speaker 00 Fall now straight. Wait, where are you putting your 6,000 hair clips that you're taking?
18:46 Speaker 01 There'd be space for it. There'd be space for it. There'd be a circle shape and you put a bobble there and all the little Kirby grips would fit inside. Have I, have I made millions right now? I'm not even joking. Can I make this? Fuck it. I'm gonna make it.
19:01 Speaker 00 You know what you'd love? Like so certain golf things have little bits for the tees and little bits that stick and stuff. Yeah. Little bits. Slush?
19:08 Speaker 01 It's lush.
19:09 Speaker 00 Ah, like you said, slush.
19:10 Speaker 01 Honestly, handbags really upset me. Really upset me.
19:13 Speaker 00 I think it's because you're a disorganised pig.
19:16 Speaker 01 Maybe. Anyway, I've gone back to the wired headphones, which, which are good, but when I'm listening around the kitchen, the amount of times that they get stuck on a drawer handle.
19:26 Speaker 00 It's, it's, it's so pathetic. You're like a dog that forgets it's got a lead on and goes for someone as they're walking past the garden. You're like, you're like, get caught on stuff. And the amount of times I've seen you either cooking or like, pontificating with your hands, like gesturing and you flick the fucking wire and your ear, your ear thing comes flying out and I'm like,
19:45 Speaker 01 I know.
19:45 Speaker 00 Stay at home, man.
19:46 Speaker 01 And I've left, I've lost a pair already, so.
19:49 Speaker 00 Yeah.
19:49 Speaker 01 That's what I can have for my birthday.
19:51 Speaker 00 You're the problem.
19:51 Speaker 01 Can I have that for my birthday?
19:52 Speaker 00 What?
19:53 Speaker 01 Can I just have three pairs of headphones?
19:54 Speaker 00 Pathetic.
19:55 Speaker 01 Why?
19:56 Speaker 00 But yes.
19:56 Speaker 01 But I want stuff that I'm gonna use.
19:58 Speaker 00 Lose. You want stuff you're gonna lose.
20:00 Speaker 01 Use lose. I'm gonna send you a little list, because I need a top up of loads of stuff.
20:05 Speaker 00 For your 40th, you just want a top up. Well, just get that anyway and let me just get you something, get you a little surprise.
20:10 Speaker 01 I don't need anything. Waste, it's a waste. I want a top up. I need, I need cleansers, moisturizers, serums. I need stuff, eye creams, lotion, tan, lotions and potions.
20:22 Speaker 00 Lotions and potions.
20:23 Speaker 01 And you can just do, I'll do your little list.
20:25 Speaker 00 And the safe romance is dead. Great.
20:27 Speaker 01 It's not that romantic.
20:28 Speaker 00 Last thing about the stag do, which was very funny. So they were staying in the university halls and one of them need, one of the lads needed an iron and there's no irons in the room. And he went down to what was, you know, the makeshift reception or whatever area where, you know, the main bit. And he said, do you have an iron? And the lady said, yes, can you, can you, have you got any money for a deposit? It's like a 20 euro deposit or whatever. And he's like, I haven't got any money. Have you got a card machine? She was like, no. And he was like, well, what do I do? And she went, well, you need to leave something. That means you're gonna come back and give it back.
20:58 Speaker 01 God, what did he leave his passport?
20:59 Speaker 00 His fucking watch. He went, will a watch do? He had a fucking Breitling on, which is an expensive watch. He went, will me watch do? For a laugh, apparently she looked at it intently, like one step short of getting a, like, you know, like monocle things that they look at it. And went, yeah, that'll do. Kept his fucking couple of thousand pound watch.
21:16 Speaker 01 For an iron.
21:17 Speaker 00 And he went up and eyed his stuff and came back and swapped it back. Unbelievable.
21:20 Speaker 01 That's mad. That's mad.
21:22 Speaker 00 Unbelievable.
21:24 Speaker 01 Wow. All right. Okay.
21:25 Speaker 00 And then one of the lads in the group sent a video of a T-shirt on a thing with his watch in his hand, just rubbing his watch on his top as if he was ironing.
21:34 Speaker 01 Okay, that's nice.
21:35 Speaker 00 Bana, bana, lads, lads, lads, lads. And then I went over dearly because I can't handle it. Lads, legend, legend.
21:41 Speaker 01 Yeah, well.
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22:14 Speaker 03 Ugh, I hate Mondays. King's Hawaiian Cinnamon Swirl Bite? Uh, Taylor Hansen? Sure, I'll try one. Mmm.
22:23 Speaker 06 Hey, let's get back to work, please.
22:25 Speaker 03 But Taylor Hansen's making my day way better with these new soft and swirly King's Hawaiian Cinnamon Bites.
22:29 Speaker 06 Taylor Hansen? Nice. Try one. Mmm.
22:36 Speaker 04 King's Hawaiian Cinnamon Bites. There's nothing like it.
22:46 Speaker 00 It's time for What's Your Beef?
22:48 Speaker 01 What's your beef? What's your beef? What is your beef?
22:52 Speaker 00 Um, again, I have... Stop that. I've been a delight recently, so I can't imagine there was any beefage. But ladies first.
23:00 Speaker 01 Um, I had a couple of things, and I thought you might have...
23:02 Speaker 00 A couple?
23:03 Speaker 01 Always. All... You think you're a delight.
23:05 Speaker 00 Haven't even been here.
23:05 Speaker 01 You're not a delight.
23:06 Speaker 00 Come on, then.
23:07 Speaker 01 Um, I have got a couple deliberately because I thought you might have mentioned one of them.
23:11 Speaker 00 Okay.
23:12 Speaker 01 Because I know what you like.
23:14 Speaker 00 Okay, I'm just having a big sip of water. I hope you big water bottle.
23:16 Speaker 01 Um...
23:20 Speaker 01 God, do you remember when you used to do that all the time? Do you remember during the podcast, you would just...
23:23 Speaker 00 Take a drink.
23:24 Speaker 01 You'd just take drinks all the time?
23:25 Speaker 00 Listen, I'm keeping me... Keeping me whistle wet.
23:32 Speaker 00 I'm keeping me whistle wet, and I'd thank you to back off.
23:36 Speaker 01 I love that phrase.
23:37 Speaker 00 What? Wet your whistle?
23:38 Speaker 01 Wet your whistle.
23:39 Speaker 00 Wet your whistle. Lovely, isn't it? It's something I don't say enough.
23:42 Speaker 01 I don't say it enough at all. I think it's dying out, and I don't want to do it.
23:45 Speaker 00 Bring it back. Let's get it on t-shirts.
23:47 Speaker 01 Wet... Wet your whistle.
23:49 Speaker 00 Wet me whistle. Wet me beak. I quite like wet me beak as well.
23:51 Speaker 01 Wet your beak.
23:52 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah.
23:52 Speaker 01 Wet your whistle. It's a bit old, man, isn't it? It's a bit creepy. Reminds us of...
23:55 Speaker 00 That's not bringing it up.
23:56 Speaker 01 Don't want to kill comedy, but honestly, perverts. Um, you broke your finger.
24:02 Speaker 00 Um, I have.
24:04 Speaker 01 Or you've done something to it.
24:05 Speaker 00 Spreeing my finger.
24:06 Speaker 01 You've done something to it.
24:07 Speaker 00 Yeah.
24:07 Speaker 01 At Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.
24:08 Speaker 00 Yes.
24:09 Speaker 01 And it just, okay, if there was anything, if you,
24:12 Speaker 00 You can see on the camera.
24:13 Speaker 01 If you went to the supermarket and hurt your finger or something like that, if you did anything and hurt your finger, you would be slagging that place off so, so much, right?
24:23 Speaker 00 Yeah.
24:23 Speaker 01 But you hurt yourself at Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, you don't mention it.
24:28 Speaker 00 Part of the course, mate. And you. Stoic.
24:30 Speaker 01 No.
24:30 Speaker 00 Stoic.
24:30 Speaker 01 I just think it's because you know that I literally would be like, I, I kind of inside him thinking, why the fuck do you do this?
24:37 Speaker 00 Yeah.
24:37 Speaker 01 You just keep hurting yourself. So you're playing it down. I, that's genuinely quite bad.
24:42 Speaker 00 Yeah, it's massive, isn't it?
24:43 Speaker 01 It's really swollen. Let's have a look compared to the other one.
24:46 Speaker 01 Yeah, that's bad.
24:47 Speaker 00 These two here, yeah, they're really fat, especially the ring, like the opposite of the ring finger.
24:50 Speaker 01 That's silly.
24:51 Speaker 00 Divorce finger.
24:51 Speaker 01 And, oh yeah, great.
24:53 Speaker 00 Yeah.
24:53 Speaker 01 Can't, can't wait to use that. Um, it was just funny this morning because we were both downstairs and I did this deliberately. I don't know whether you noticed.
24:59 Speaker 00 Right.
25:00 Speaker 01 But you were like, oh, can you, can you do the breakfast? And I was like, what's, what's the matter?
25:05 Speaker 00 Mm-hmm.
25:06 Speaker 01 So you?
25:07 Speaker 00 I just did it anyway.
25:08 Speaker 01 You did it. And I, at one point I was like, should I take over? But, but I know that you can't slag off your injuries from playing Jiu Jitsu.
25:15 Speaker 00 I can't, I can't. So yeah, again, like if I was somewhere.
25:17 Speaker 01 So I thought you can make the fucking breakfast.
25:19 Speaker 00 If I was somewhere else and it happened, I'd be suing.
25:19 Speaker 01 I know.
25:20 Speaker 00 But, you know, it was, it was, I haven't, in my defence, I haven't been injured for ages and it was a total freak accident. No, I was, I was there last week.
25:27 Speaker 01 Yeah, but you're sniffing for that purple belt, aren't you?
25:29 Speaker 00 Slipping.
25:30 Speaker 01 No, someone's mentioned it to him going, oh, you might be ready. And you're literally now.
25:35 Speaker 00 They didn't say I might be ready. They just said, they reckon it's probably not very long, which was a very nice thing to say, but they might just be saying to keep us going. But anyway, um.
25:43 Speaker 01 They're just after your money.
25:44 Speaker 00 He's, the man is not affiliated in any way who said it and he's a black belt. He knows what he's talking about. But anyway, it was, he might just say it to be nice. He might just be being nice. But anyway, listen. Um, it was just someone was trying to arm bars and they could try and get their head over the, the leg over the top of my head and I tried to stop it and I hit me, he's got little legs and I hit his shin and it hurt, but it was fine.
26:01 Speaker 01 So gay.
26:02 Speaker 00 Listen, my beef with you is.
26:04 Speaker 01 Uh, you can't possibly have been a delight. I've been really trying to be nice.
26:06 Speaker 00 And it's related to this. I had my finger strapped up last night and you refused to wash my feet.
26:12 Speaker 01 Oh, Jesus. What the fuck? I'm not washing your feet? I'm sorry, no. I'm sorry, no. No.
26:20 Speaker 00 I had been outside in the garden, playing football with our son, barefoot, and my feet were dirty and I couldn't wash them because I'd strapped my fingers up, which didn't help at all. And I said, will you wash my feet? And you said no. And your card is marked, mate. Because I'm, till death do us part, sickness and then health, right? I was an invalid.
26:38 Speaker 01 That was self-inflicted.
26:39 Speaker 00 Doesn't matter, still a sickness.
26:40 Speaker 01 You washing, you cleaning and wiping my arse and vagina during childbirth was not self-inflicted. In fact, you did that.
26:48 Speaker 00 Yeah, fucking begged for it, man.
26:49 Speaker 01 Whatever. Don't be disgusting. This was self-inflicted. And also, like, I don't know, just wipe them. Get a Detol wipe.
26:59 Speaker 00 A Detol wipe?
27:00 Speaker 01 What are you going to wash your fucking feet for?
27:01 Speaker 00 Get a Detol wipe on me feet.
27:02 Speaker 01 Do you know one of the best films ever, by the way? And I've just watched it for the second time while I was on the Peloton yesterday.
27:07 Speaker 00 Sorry?
27:07 Speaker 01 Oh, Peloton. Oh, Steph, what have you done?
27:11 Speaker 00 Oh, your friend says Peloton.
27:12 Speaker 01 Peloton, when I was on the Peloton.
27:14 Speaker 00 Yeah.
27:14 Speaker 01 Peloton, yesterday. I watched The Green Book again.
27:18 Speaker 00 Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
27:18 Speaker 01 And the bloke, who I love, by the way, the Italian bloke, when he gets into bed, it's like the 50s or whatever. And he just like wipes his feet before he gets in with his hands and he's like that.
27:29 Speaker 00 Oh, you love that. But I, literally a couple of weeks ago on the podcast, someone told you that, Reece James.
27:35 Speaker 01 Yeah, ick. Yeah, I know.
27:36 Speaker 00 Told you that I had a little mat next to my bed and I wiped my feet on it. And I'm a cunt for doing that, but this guy's lush for doing it.
27:40 Speaker 01 He didn't have a little mat on the side of his bed. He just wiped his hands. It's quite manly and masculine. I'm here in real life, I just said it was just an observation.
27:49 Speaker 00 Do you see what I live with? Do you see what I live with?
27:50 Speaker 01 But also, also, I don't want to wash your feet.
27:53 Speaker 00 Your card is marked.
27:55 Speaker 01 If something happened.
27:56 Speaker 00 You are in debit.
27:58 Speaker 01 If something happened, I've been thinking about this recently because I know I joked a few years ago saying I wouldn't look after you. Or no, what did I say? Oh, no, I stand by it. No, I would look after you. I would wash your feet. I would wash you, Willie. I'd feed you and do everything, but I would have a boyfriend on the side. That's what I said. I actually still ask for me mat.
28:13 Speaker 00 Wash your Willie's upset me. That's upset me so much.
28:15 Speaker 01 I would wash you, Willie. I'd keep you nice and clean, nip and... I would. I would. I love you. Till death do us part. I would look after you, but also...
28:24 Speaker 00 You didn't wash my feet last night.
28:26 Speaker 01 Because you're not, because you went to BJJ and hurt your fingers? Cuddling other men?
28:31 Speaker 00 It's the jealousy. It's the jealousy. Yeah, jealous. You're jealous. I'll let you arm bars if you want. You can go arm bars. I'll sure overdo it. You'd be quite good.
28:40 Speaker 01 Why?
28:41 Speaker 00 Because you've got hips.
28:45 Speaker 00 It's time for questions from the public.
28:50 Speaker 00 Public. As always, if you'd like to get in touch, it is [email protected] for long form written correspondence. And if you'd like to send a voice note to the WhatsApp, it is 07874406650.
29:06 Speaker 01 Can't believe people are still sending stuff in.
29:08 Speaker 00 Amazing. Love you.
29:08 Speaker 01 I just love it.
29:09 Speaker 00 Well, love you so much. Thank you.
29:10 Speaker 01 Seven years. Seven years.
29:14 Speaker 00 Can't clap very loud because I've got an injured finger and dirty feet. Very dirty feet.
29:18 Speaker 01 And that's how we're still going. Because we're able to actually be horrible to each other, but it's deep rooted from love. We couldn't do this if we didn't love each other, you know?
29:26 Speaker 00 No.
29:26 Speaker 01 There's no way.
29:27 Speaker 00 No, it has to be. Yeah, I know what you mean.
29:29 Speaker 01 I do love you.
29:29 Speaker 00 I can't hold your hand very hard.
29:30 Speaker 01 Oh, God.
29:31 Speaker 00 I can't. Look at how big and fat they are.
29:32 Speaker 01 It's really bad.
29:33 Speaker 00 Horrible, aren't they?
29:34 Speaker 01 I can't feel sorry for you.
29:36 Speaker 00 Try. Try. Try your best.
29:38 Speaker 01 No. If I, again, I know I keep saying it as yoga, if I just went to yoga every other day and came back and like couldn't walk to bed off bad hips and shit like that, you wouldn't have any sympathy for me.
29:48 Speaker 00 It'd almost be like, it'd almost be like when you did the full week of the GNS and the GNS concerts and then you were tired for three days and I was so understanding and lovely the whole time.
29:58 Speaker 01 Do you want to go here? How many stag do's you been on this year? How many more trips are you gonna have? Fuck off. GNS is part of my trip allowance.
30:08 Speaker 00 Okay.
30:09 Speaker 01 I will start, I will start a fight. I don't give a shit because I'm gonna win.
30:13 Speaker 00 So we've just gone.
30:13 Speaker 01 We, no.
30:14 Speaker 00 We've gone from, I love you, this is great, we've done this for seven years, to, I'll start a fight.
30:18 Speaker 01 Well, because fucking I hate being married.
30:20 Speaker 00 Oh, there it is.
30:21 Speaker 01 Because if we weren't married, we could have those kids, 70, 30, and I could get away more.
30:26 Speaker 00 In your favour.
30:27 Speaker 01 In my favour. You fucking, 50% of my childhood.
30:31 Speaker 00 No chance.
30:31 Speaker 01 My children.
30:32 Speaker 00 Children's childhood.
30:33 Speaker 01 No way.
30:33 Speaker 00 Shut up and do your voice notes, man.
30:34 Speaker 01 All right, okay.
30:35 Speaker 00 Damn you.
30:37 Speaker 07 I I have just listened to your episode on the fifth of June about the warts and buying the warts of fake ears and I actually I can't I had to stop and message it my voice note in. So my son had warts all over his feet, all over his hands. He was about to start school. I was really embarrassed and also he yeah, it just wasn't great. So we went to the doctors. They treated it a couple of times. It wouldn't go away. They referred us to a specialist. We live in Australia, so it costs like six hundred dollars for the specialist. And she literally, she went through them. She looked at it. She said that we had to rebook in for um the treatment, another whatever amount of dollars.
31:18 Speaker 01 Hang on. If she says that the doctor bought these warts, I'm gonna die.
31:22 Speaker 00 Right. Uh uh first of all, six hundred dollars is insane, by the way.
31:26 Speaker 01 For kids' warts.
31:27 Speaker 00 That's mental.
31:28 Speaker 01 They don't have NHS over there, do they?
31:29 Speaker 00 I don't know how it works. I think it's a safe.
31:31 Speaker 01 Right, well, it'll be private. It'll be like insurance.
31:33 Speaker 00 That's fucking wild. Go on then.
31:35 Speaker 01 I think she's gonna say that. I think she's gonna say that the boy, I swear to God, right, how are we?
31:40 Speaker 07 It was gonna be really expensive. And as my son walked out, she pulled me back and she said, if you just tell him that you are treating the warts, so every night when he goes to bed, you tell him, you go to sleep, and then when you're asleep, I'll come in and I'll do the treatment that the lady told me to, then they will go away. And I kid you fucking not.
32:02 Speaker 00 No.
32:02 Speaker 07 We done it for about six weeks before we started seeing a difference, I would say. And within three months, they were all gone, all gone. Both of our sons have gone too. Six hundred dollars to get that. Fucking ridiculous. It is unbelievable. I know it sounds mental, but it's true.
32:21 Speaker 00 I can't.
32:21 Speaker 01 I'm sorry, what witchcraft are warts? What are warts? What are warts?
32:26 Speaker 00 This is so weird.
32:27 Speaker 01 That's insane.
32:28 Speaker 00 So many people are saying this.
32:29 Speaker 01 Don't let her know that.
32:31 Speaker 00 I mean, I'd love to know where this doctor was operating from.
32:33 Speaker 01 I told the witch doctor I wasn't over you.
32:36 Speaker 00 Was it a fucking hut?
32:37 Speaker 01 That's madness.
32:39 Speaker 00 Wow.
32:39 Speaker 01 So do you think it was stress induced by the kid and you'd tell them that it's alright?
32:44 Speaker 00 That's the whole, we're saying it's bollocks, right? But placebo effect, yeah, yeah, but the placebo effect is a scientific thing.
32:52 Speaker 01 Mm hmm.
32:52 Speaker 00 So maybe this whole, I'm buying the mophie and then, oh, it's gone and maybe, I don't know. Or what stress, or what stress related?
33:00 Speaker 01 I don't know.
33:01 Speaker 00 Worry dolls is different because a worry is not a physical thing, a wart is a physical thing.
33:05 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah, fair enough. Um, by the way, guys, just letting you know, my verruca is still alive and kicking. It's got a lot better.
33:11 Speaker 00 I want that ten pence back.
33:12 Speaker 01 I don't think you did put it in my bank.
33:13 Speaker 00 Fucking transferred ten pence to you.
33:15 Speaker 01 Can I tell you though, it's a lot better than it was, but you haven't got a verruca now, have you?
33:19 Speaker 00 Uh, not that I know of.
33:20 Speaker 01 It's getting a lot better.
33:21 Speaker 00 Do you think maybe it was worth, maybe it knows it's worth, it's holding out for a better?
33:25 Speaker 01 Yeah, ten pence is pathetic, actually.
33:28 Speaker 00 Right.
33:28 Speaker 01 Speaking of ten pence, that was a good segue.
33:31 Speaker 00 Well, until you say it was a good, until, until there's thirty seconds of silence and then you say that was a good segue.
33:36 Speaker 07 Hi, Chris and Rosie. So I was just catching up on your most recent episode where Rosie's talking about how much she paid for a packet of polos. And I can beat that. So not polos, it was a freddo. And obviously we know how much freddos used to cost back in our day, ten pence. But they've gone up, like what with the cost of living crisis. Um, my youngest son wanted a freddo and I paid one pound ten.
34:01 Speaker 00 No.
34:02 Speaker 07 They should be ashamed of themselves.
34:04 Speaker 00 Where?
34:05 Speaker 01 No.
34:05 Speaker 00 Where was this, a service station on the fucking moon?
34:08 Speaker 01 What?
34:08 Speaker 00 One pound ten?
34:09 Speaker 01 America? What are you talking about? No, they're not one pound ten.
34:13 Speaker 00 One pound ten is wild.
34:14 Speaker 01 They're twenty five, I'm sure they're twenty five pence. Oh my God, what have they gone up since then? No, you can get, I'm sorry, you've been done. Wait till Christmas or after Christmas, they're in the selection boxes for like a pound. That's wild. I won't have that. They're not one pound ten.
34:33 Speaker 00 Uh, Google reckons between thirty five, thirty four pence and forty five pence, depending where you buy it.
34:39 Speaker 01 Which is crazy, by the way. God, ten pence. Loved a freddo. Do you know what else I loved more? Taz. Fucking taz. They're not called them now. They're not called taz's anymore, why not?
34:51 Speaker 00 Because taz is not popular anymore. Looney Tunes was huge when we were kids.
34:54 Speaker 01 Oh, is that what they were named after? I thought it was just called a taz. Like the opposite of the Fredo. But now I think they've turned it just a caramel Fredo.
35:03 Speaker 00 Fredo was chocolate and then the Taz was.
35:05 Speaker 01 Caramel.
35:06 Speaker 00 It was Tas minion devil and it was caramel inside. And now.
35:09 Speaker 01 Brilliant marketing though, because I've just called it a Taz for years.
35:12 Speaker 00 Yeah.
35:13 Speaker 01 Yeah.
35:13 Speaker 00 But it was, it was named after the character.
35:15 Speaker 01 I didn't know that.
35:17 Speaker 00 But then Fredo wasn't a Looney Tune, so that doesn't make any sense.
35:19 Speaker 01 This is what I'm trying to say to you. When are you gonna? When are you gonna?
35:23 Speaker 00 Am I gonna get shit for saying Looney Tunes by the way? Was it Looney Toons? Looney Toons? Toons is songs. Looney Toons.
35:28 Speaker 01 Oh, he's called it Looney Tunes, I think. I don't know. We are the Animaniacs.
35:34 Speaker 00 That'll do.
35:35 Speaker 01 Love that.
35:37 Speaker 00 It's terrifying that. £1.10 for a Fredo.
35:39 Speaker 01 I've just been, I'm sorry, that's silly.
35:41 Speaker 00 Shafted.
35:41 Speaker 01 Was that a situation where you actually like get to the counter and just pay? Same what I did with them polos. £1.10. In my head I was going, are you fucking joking me?
35:48 Speaker 00 That's got WH Smith Service Station written all over it, that has.
35:51 Speaker 01 That's got Corner Shop made it up.
35:55 Speaker 00 Yeah.
35:55 Speaker 01 That's got Corner Shop, that's got multi-pack should not be sold separately.
35:58 Speaker 00 Yes, yes, yes, yes. Well done.
36:01 Speaker 01 They have. What did I buy as well? Yesterday? I was in Jesmond. But it was an off licence in Jesmond.
36:09 Speaker 00 What are you doing spending our money in Jes- are you mental? For anyone who doesn't know, Jesmond is a very posh area of Newcastle. Half studenty, half incredibly posh. What are you, don't you?
36:19 Speaker 01 I was in Jesmond. How dare I?
36:21 Speaker 00 The fuck are you thinking you are?
36:22 Speaker 01 I don't know who the fuck do I think I am? So anyway, I got a packet of Mentos. And they were a pound.
36:27 Speaker 00 Good God.
36:28 Speaker 01 Fucking pound.
36:28 Speaker 00 Good God.
36:29 Speaker 01 Oh, they're still in the car. Do you know what I had there? This is, I've got a problem.
36:32 Speaker 00 Your car's a fucking bin on wheels, by the way.
36:34 Speaker 01 Your car's, your car's vile. Your car, I hate your car.
36:38 Speaker 00 I hate you. It's not. It's, sorry, I love my car. It's not? Anytime I go anywhere in your car, do you know I've got to wheel the wheelie bin up your car?
36:46 Speaker 01 Stop using me car. Stop.
36:48 Speaker 00 Sometimes I do.
36:49 Speaker 01 I hate it.
36:50 Speaker 00 I've got to wheel the wheelie bin up, open all your doors and empty everything in the wheelie bin. Disgusting.
36:54 Speaker 01 Guys, this is the main beef between us because Chris just loves to load it up in his car. He's special little fancy car that he, it doesn't let the kids eat in, bloody, bloody, blah.
37:06 Speaker 00 Yeah, but if I'm going for a muck in his driveway, would it be your car? Yeah, of course, because your car's a bin on wheels. Mine is not.
37:10 Speaker 01 It's not a bin on wheels. I cleaned it the other day. I took it to Asda and I did the Hoover. Which was a grim experience, by the way, and ruined a pair of me pants.
37:18 Speaker 00 Right.
37:19 Speaker 01 Just like, you know, the extension, the lead that it's on.
37:22 Speaker 00 Yeah, the scruffy as fuck.
37:22 Speaker 01 Oh God, that was upsetting. Anyway, I took Oliver to his prom.
37:26 Speaker 00 Nice.
37:27 Speaker 01 So.
37:27 Speaker 00 Our nephew Oliver.
37:29 Speaker 01 Our nephew Oliver. And I've got a really nice car, but it looks shit. Do you know, can we talk about proms?
37:33 Speaker 00 Hmm.
37:34 Speaker 01 Alright, our kids have got a little while till their prom.
37:36 Speaker 00 Oh, it's gonna be helicopters and fucking flying cars by then. You're gonna have to drone them in and drop them.
37:41 Speaker 01 Well, last year, when I dropped down, when we went to see Daniel off at his prom, I was like, jeez, I went to Kate, I went to Kate. I didn't know, like, the kids went to school. I didn't know the school was like such a rich school.
37:53 Speaker 00 Hmm.
37:54 Speaker 01 Because people were dropping them off. There was like, there was Rolls Royce, there was Lamborghinis.
37:58 Speaker 00 Yep.
37:58 Speaker 01 But their parents were driving them and I'm like, where the fuck, like, who's got a Lamborghini?
38:02 Speaker 00 Know someone who's got them and they're getting insured for the day, or they rent them, or they borrow them, or whatever, yeah.
38:06 Speaker 01 They're hiring them.
38:07 Speaker 00 Crazy.
38:08 Speaker 01 And I was just like, sorry, what?
38:11 Speaker 00 Yeah, it's crazy.
38:12 Speaker 01 What?
38:13 Speaker 00 Yeah. Mad. I don't, I don't understand.
38:15 Speaker 01 It made my car look like a piece of shit.
38:17 Speaker 00 And, and it's, well, it made it, the bin on wheels, that it is.
38:20 Speaker 01 And it is, really.
38:21 Speaker 00 Was one of the footsteps out and one of them not?
38:23 Speaker 01 No, I fixed, do you know, it was just dirt.
38:25 Speaker 00 Dirt, yeah, yeah, it's just dirt.
38:26 Speaker 01 Because I took it to the car wash and now the deployable, what are called footsteps. Because for a long time, I was, for two months, I was seething.
38:35 Speaker 00 Because you had to climb.
38:36 Speaker 01 Because I, because I've got a big car, because I love it, because I've got a little person syndrome. And, but I was having to like hike myself up on the wheel.
38:45 Speaker 00 Oh, God.
38:46 Speaker 01 To get in.
38:46 Speaker 00 Washing the roof.
38:46 Speaker 01 And I was like, I'm paying the month, the monthly bloody payments, I'm paying for this.
38:50 Speaker 00 Yeah.
38:50 Speaker 01 And I'm having to hike myself in like I'm, I'm working on a fucking farm.
38:56 Speaker 01 And I was like, I can't take me nana anywhere in it, because she couldn't get in.
38:59 Speaker 00 God.
39:00 Speaker 01 So I was like, what's the point? Anyway, it's fixed now, because I think it was just dirt.
39:03 Speaker 00 It was just dirt. Yeah, yeah, just dirt. Again, bin on wheels, both inside and out. Congratulations.
39:08 Speaker 01 I think you're not living your life to its full extent if your car isn't a little bit dirty inside. I don't fully trust people.
39:15 Speaker 00 Takes two seconds to just clean the inside. Just take all the cans and fucking murrays out of the side compartment and put them in the bin.
39:19 Speaker 01 But in my defence, right, here is out. Do you know when, we'll pick the kids up from school or something, or have I been to the supermarket? I've got loads to carry.
39:27 Speaker 00 I have as well, I make a few trips. Sometimes I've got, sometimes on a Monday morning, if you pick them up on Friday, on a Monday morning, I've got to go back into your car and get the bags that have sat there all weekend in the back of your car.
39:35 Speaker 01 They don't have anything in them that are the need. So they can just stay there?
39:38 Speaker 00 Awful. Get them out of the car.
39:40 Speaker 01 How about you use your car? How about that? How, how about that?
39:43 Speaker 00 Not if they're getting a drive-through. They've got fucking no chance. They get a drive-through in my car, it sits on the knees unopened until we get home.
39:50 Speaker 01 Oh, you're horrible. The Jewett McDonald's, actually, or some sort of, the Jewett takeaway. It's gonna, it's Friday night, I put them off last week. Listen, what, all I was saying is, I'm, I'm a big fat greedy pig. Me one pound Mentos from Jesmond, I ate half the pack on the way home. And I had to open me glove compartment going over the Tynbridge. And I had to throw them in and close the glove, so I couldn't reach in and get them.
40:15 Speaker 01 So they're actually, so they're still there, I'm looking for them.
40:17 Speaker 00 Was it, why did you crash on the felon bypass? I was trying to get the Mentos back out of the glove compartment.
40:22 Speaker 01 I've got problems. Just everything in, in excess.
40:25 Speaker 00 Yesterday I bought some Doritos, big pack of Doritos, and I put them in the cupboard. And I came downstairs after putting the kids to bed, and you went, why have you bought Doritos? I went, don't eat them. You went, no.
40:33 Speaker 01 Can't.
40:33 Speaker 00 We had a bowl of Doritos. We ate the full bag.
40:35 Speaker 01 We ate the full?
40:36 Speaker 00 So there it is.
40:38 Speaker 01 Full bloody bag. God, they're delicious though, aren't they?
40:41 Speaker 00 Oh, shitty, we're doing those, forget it.
40:43 Speaker 01 I love crisps, mate.
40:44 Speaker 00 Forget it.
40:44 Speaker 01 Oh, God. Babadu, babadu, babadu, ba.
41:50 Speaker 01 Oh, okay. So I've got, I've had an email here.
41:53 Speaker 00 Yeah.
41:53 Speaker 01 Um, it's, it's about like Mormon stuff.
41:56 Speaker 00 Cool.
41:57 Speaker 01 But I, but this is the thing, right? I know loads about this because I watched The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, where a lot of Mormons live.
42:04 Speaker 00 Yeah.
42:04 Speaker 01 And also. Salt Lake City. And also.
42:10 Speaker 00 Yeah.
42:11 Speaker 01 Mormon Wives.
42:12 Speaker 00 Yes.
42:12 Speaker 01 TikTok.
42:13 Speaker 00 Yeah.
42:14 Speaker 01 Is that what it's called? The Real Lives of Mormon Wives?
42:16 Speaker 00 The Real Lives of Mormon Wives.
42:17 Speaker 01 No, it's not part of the.
42:18 Speaker 00 I think it's called, I think it's called The Real Lives of Mormon Wives Live.
42:22 Speaker 01 You wouldn't like that one.
42:23 Speaker 00 I don't think I'd like any of them, but carry on.
42:24 Speaker 01 No, you would. You'd love Real Housewives. But the Mormon Wives one is a little, I don't know. I liked it at first, but it's a bit ridiculous. And then the husbands got too involved and honestly, shut up. Shut. Nobody wants.
42:38 Speaker 00 You shut your mouth. This is Mormon Wives, not Mormon husbands.
42:42 Speaker 01 Yeah, honestly. And they start, so it was mum talk that the Mormon Wives did, right?
42:46 Speaker 00 Mum talk?
42:47 Speaker 01 There's a TikTok where they're just all like Mormon.
42:50 Speaker 00 Wives.
42:51 Speaker 01 Women, wives.
42:52 Speaker 00 So is this the one where he's got loads of wives?
42:55 Speaker 01 No, no.
42:56 Speaker 00 So Mormons aren't the ones that have got loads of wives? I'm not being ignorant here. I just don't know.
43:00 Speaker 01 Some of them do. Some of them are polygamists.
43:02 Speaker 00 Right, so they have loads of wives.
43:03 Speaker 01 But these don't.
43:04 Speaker 00 Okay.
43:04 Speaker 01 But the, it's, this is, so this is what I'm trying, so you don't know anything about this, but I know all about this. And you're gonna blow your, it's gonna blow your mind, right?
43:10 Speaker 00 Fantastic. I love learning stuff.
43:12 Speaker 01 Yeah. Um, I'm writing, I'm writing you from the US, specifically from Salt Lake City, Utah. Also known as the land of the Mormons.
43:24 Speaker 00 Okay.
43:26 Speaker 01 Yes, the polygamist ones. I was actually raised a Mormon, so I think I might have some insider info you'd be, you'd find interesting.
43:32 Speaker 00 Okay.
43:33 Speaker 01 For context, I'm no longer a Mormon, which will make sense once you read the rest.
43:37 Speaker 00 Right.
43:39 Speaker 01 Firstly, most Mormons are actually not polygamists. So they don't have multiple wives.
43:44 Speaker 00 I get you.
43:45 Speaker 01 And these are fundamentalist Mormon groups who continue to practise polygamy in secret. Those are the ones in the Netflix, like the baddies, those are the no, no, no, no, no.
43:55 Speaker 00 The baddies, right.
43:56 Speaker 01 Netflix documentaries that I watch, which is mainly just tiddlers who want loads of women.
44:01 Speaker 00 One step short of a cult is what you're saying.
44:03 Speaker 01 Absolutely.
44:04 Speaker 00 Okay.
44:04 Speaker 01 But you know, but listen.
44:06 Speaker 00 But I'm sure there are Mormons out there who practise polygamy who are fine and it's okay.
44:09 Speaker 01 Yes.
44:10 Speaker 00 That's what we're saying. There we go. Covered that. There we are.
44:12 Speaker 01 I.
44:12 Speaker 00 Just, just leave it.
44:14 Speaker 01 Anyway, I'll just tell you about the stuff.
44:16 Speaker 00 Yeah.
44:17 Speaker 01 Oh yeah, they don't drink coffee because God told them not to, apparently. It's like a religious thing, like caffeine's a no, no, coffee's bad, but.
44:24 Speaker 00 I've heard of that in religions, yeah, yeah.
44:25 Speaker 01 But they do drink, um, caffeinated soda.
44:29 Speaker 00 Makes more sense.
44:30 Speaker 01 Yeah. So there's in Utah, like on the Mormon wives.
44:34 Speaker 00 Right.
44:34 Speaker 01 There's loads of soda shops, so they just drink like.
44:39 Speaker 00 They don't drink alcohol, do they?
44:40 Speaker 01 They don't drink alcohol.
44:41 Speaker 00 Okay.
44:42 Speaker 01 But they go, but they take ketamine.
44:45 Speaker 00 Sorry.
44:46 Speaker 01 They do ketamine to like go in trances and stuff and yeah, it's really fucked up. So they won't have coffee.
44:53 Speaker 00 That's fucked.
44:53 Speaker 01 But they'll drink like diet.
44:54 Speaker 00 All of them are just specifically the ones you watch on the telly?
44:57 Speaker 01 Specifically, I don't know about all of everybody, but we can't talk about everyone.
44:59 Speaker 00 Oh, what you having there, Shandy? Bad for you that. Get some smack. Like.
45:04 Speaker 01 Behind closed doors, things get weirder. Mormons believe, as many Christians do, that sex before marriage is sinful.
45:10 Speaker 00 Okay.
45:11 Speaker 01 Despite this, young Mormons across Utah have found a clever way of getting past that particular rule.
45:17 Speaker 00 Oh god.
45:18 Speaker 01 These young people engage in what is called soaking. Have you heard about this?
45:23 Speaker 00 No.
45:23 Speaker 01 You haven't heard, I knew you hadn't heard about this.
45:25 Speaker 00 Soaking.
45:25 Speaker 01 To properly soak, a young man must insert his penis into his partner's vagina, but he must not thrust. So this is like, they think that this is okay because you're not really having sex. You're not thrusting. All right?
45:39 Speaker 00 You're just docking, just.
45:42 Speaker 01 Docking? Docking? That's what it's called? We've talked about this before?
45:45 Speaker 00 No, docking's where you put your dick down the end of someone else's dick.
45:48 Speaker 01 Ah!
45:53 Speaker 00 You must know that that was the thing.
45:56 Speaker 01 Have we talked, we've talked about docking?
45:57 Speaker 00 I think we have, yeah. I think it's in the foreskin. I don't think it's fully down the dick. I just, it's just awful. Just sorry to everyone. Sorry that came out of nowhere.
46:03 Speaker 01 So is that a part of the gay world?
46:05 Speaker 00 Well, I don't think fucking three fellas are doing it.
46:07 Speaker 01 No. No, but I've got-
46:09 Speaker 00 Me and Jordan didn't do it in Dublin for a laugh.
46:11 Speaker 01 Well.
46:12 Speaker 00 Passed the time. Put tans of football on.
46:13 Speaker 01 I've got gay mates. I've never heard of them talk about docking.
46:15 Speaker 00 Oh, look, I think it's a really specifically weird thing. Like, you know, like freezing shit and all that. It's one of them ridiculous off-the-wall things.
46:23 Speaker 01 I'm gonna have to, I'm gonna have to ask all the gays about docking.
46:24 Speaker 00 But soaking doesn't make any sense. They shouldn't call it soaking. It should be called, few, few of them, it should be called dipping.
46:30 Speaker 01 Yeah, dipped up.
46:31 Speaker 00 It should be called parking.
46:33 Speaker 01 I love docking. I thought that was a perfect explanation.
46:35 Speaker 00 It's already taken. It's taken by a much worse one.
46:37 Speaker 01 Alright.
46:37 Speaker 00 Parking, dipping.
46:39 Speaker 01 Yeah.
46:39 Speaker 00 Um.
46:40 Speaker 01 Tasty, tasting.
46:42 Speaker 00 No.
46:42 Speaker 01 Just having a little lick, like taste, like you're just tasting it.
46:45 Speaker 00 No, no. I think, I think it should be called parking. We're gonna call it parking.
46:47 Speaker 01 Okay, parking. I like that. Um, okay, but what happens is, and I've heard this on many, multiple things.
46:53 Speaker 00 Yeah.
46:53 Speaker 01 Uh, for some reason, it's become a consensus that the thrusting is the part God would object to. I have to agree with that, because that's where the pleasure comes from.
47:00 Speaker 00 Well, it's a bit of violence in it, so yeah.
47:02 Speaker 01 Yeah. Uh, don't ask me why. As you can imagine, this isn't a very satisfying experience for either party. Fortunately, the creativity- The creativity doesn't end there. This is when you phone a friend, so to speak. Beautiful Mormon friends, usually young men, will then begin to jump on the couple's bed, allowing their friend to successfully have sex without breaking God's commandment. They call this jump pumping.
47:26 Speaker 00 I honestly, right, a couple of things.
47:28 Speaker 01 I've heard about this before.
47:28 Speaker 00 First of all, I thought you were gonna say either basically grab their mate's hips and go like, "To me, to you, to me, to you", which I would have enjoyed a lot more. Um.
47:37 Speaker 01 Yeah.
47:39 Speaker 00 I just, am I impressed?
47:43 Speaker 00 With the creativity of that.
47:44 Speaker 01 Yeah, they've found a way to get around it.
47:46 Speaker 00 So they lie on them, like, you know the scene in The Inbetweeners? Where he just lies on top of her?
47:51 Speaker 01 Yes.
47:51 Speaker 00 So you just lie there and the other people bounce on the bed?
47:54 Speaker 01 Yeah.
47:56 Speaker 00 And they think that's better than just, so a full on.
47:58 Speaker 01 They can't, they can't have sex because they've been brought up religi-
48:02 Speaker 00 I'm sorry, then, that, that, this is full sex. You're having full sex and there's extra people there. You're having a fucking orgy. It's worse. This is worse than just having sex.
48:12 Speaker 01 But apparently that's what happens, so that's.
48:13 Speaker 00 Well, people will always find a loophole.
48:15 Speaker 01 Yeah, good for them.
48:16 Speaker 00 Look at the legal system, for god's sake.
48:17 Speaker 01 I know, good for them, as long as everyone's consenting and they're just doing a bit of parking. Good for them.
48:23 Speaker 00 Parking.
48:26 Speaker 01 I just thought you might find that interesting.
48:27 Speaker 00 I find it so bizarre. Nah, I like being told that. So there's certain things, I won't watch the full show, but if you tell us the best bits, I'll just take the highlights. I'll take the highlights.
48:36 Speaker 01 Okay, well, I'm hoping.
48:37 Speaker 00 But you already knew about this?
48:39 Speaker 01 Yeah, I've known about this for donkeys.
48:41 Speaker 00 God grief.
48:42 Speaker 01 Heather, Heather Gay talked about it on Salt Lake City years ago.
48:47 Speaker 00 Jumping up and down.
48:48 Speaker 01 It's great.
48:50 Speaker 00 Wow, how do you, I don't know how they don't, I don't know how, you must have some serious willpower to not thrust. To just sit there.
48:57 Speaker 01 Oh my god, yeah, imagine.
48:59 Speaker 00 Unbelievable.
49:00 Speaker 01 I wonder if they can dry hump? There'll be a lot of dry hump and going about.
49:03 Speaker 00 They don't bloody need to, do they? You've been out of dry hump, but you're not being able to thrust. You can't move, it's the same, might as well just park, might as well park up. It's called a, is it a park up or a drive by?
49:13 Speaker 01 It's awful, isn't it? Babadu babadu babadu ba. Hi guys.
49:17 Speaker 00 Hi.
49:17 Speaker 01 Listening to Rosie talking about people asking if she was missing a belt from the dress she sold on Vinted.
49:23 Speaker 00 Yeah.
49:24 Speaker 01 And it reminded me of something similar.
49:25 Speaker 00 Mm-hmm.
49:26 Speaker 01 I had one of those Phil and Ted's double buggy years ago. Phil and Ted's?
49:31 Speaker 00 Phil and Ted's double buggies?
49:32 Speaker 01 Like Amazing Adventures?
49:35 Speaker 00 Phil and Ted.
49:36 Speaker 01 Oh, I've never heard of Phil and Ted. Wonder if it's American?
49:41 Speaker 00 Kind of tight, isn't it, your finger?
49:42 Speaker 01 Oh god. Is this a brand?
49:48 Speaker 01 Alright, it must be a-
49:49 Speaker 00 Oh, it's the one where it's like a bunk bed pram, where one kid's underneath, fucking like-
49:54 Speaker 01 Oh, nice.
49:54 Speaker 00 Not nice. I often think the one underneath, just like-
49:57 Speaker 01 On the concrete.
49:57 Speaker 00 You turn to the side and you see the ground whizzing past, or that look up and just see the back of it.
50:01 Speaker 01 Yeah, but-
50:01 Speaker 00 It's like on the worst Ryanair flight ever.
50:03 Speaker 01 But, in, in Phil and Ted's defence, like, have you ever tried to push a double buggy round a shop?
50:09 Speaker 00 Well, yeah. Either two lengthways or wideways, yeah, you've got no chance.
50:13 Speaker 01 Just a nightmare.
50:14 Speaker 00 Yeah, you're not getting around home bargains, one of them.
50:16 Speaker 01 Um, I thought it would be a good idea, but in the end, it was a frigging pillbox of a yoke.
50:22 Speaker 00 Joke?
50:23 Speaker 01 Yo- yoke. I think people say yoke for joke.
50:25 Speaker 00 Oh god.
50:26 Speaker 01 What?
50:27 Speaker 00 Oh god.
50:29 Speaker 00 Ah, stop the, stop the planet, I wanna get off, I've had enough. People are just transposing in words, what are you doing? You're, it's, is it, that's the thing now, when people say, is it a typo or is it a new fucking phrase?
50:41 Speaker 01 Maybe. I've, I've heard of someone saying, oh, what, he's a yoke, or a wo- leo, I don't know. I don't know, I'm not, I'm not cool enough.
50:48 Speaker 00 Pillbox of a yoke?
50:50 Speaker 01 Frigging poxball, oh, poxball of a yoke.
50:56 Speaker 00 Who?
50:57 Speaker 01 We can't talk, we're Geordies and we say rad stuff all the time.
51:00 Speaker 00 It was a darn tootin', like, what the hell?
51:04 Speaker 01 But this might be like, is this brummy?
51:07 Speaker 00 I don't know.
51:07 Speaker 01 Poxball of a yoke.
51:09 Speaker 00 I don't know, come on then.
51:10 Speaker 01 Anyway, doesn't matter. Uh, used it literally a handful of times, but sold to family friend.
51:16 Speaker 00 Oh, well, there we go.
51:17 Speaker 01 She was fucking chasing me to buy a pump for them wheels as they needed to be pumped up, but I never got a pump with it.
51:23 Speaker 00 Okay.
51:23 Speaker 01 And she hounded me. Ended up telling her to fuck off, as the pram had originally cost around £800, she got it for, she got it from me for £100. Go and buy a pump, you scabby cow. Still grinds my gears 15 years later.
51:34 Speaker 00 Wow.
51:35 Speaker 01 And that's it.
51:36 Speaker 00 Wow. All of that for that?
51:39 Speaker 01 Yeah.
51:40 Speaker 00 Wow. Because of the belt, I understand, right?
51:44 Speaker 01 She's just upset.
51:45 Speaker 00 Wow.
51:46 Speaker 01 Why can't we hear people's feelings?
51:47 Speaker 00 Eight hundred quid to a hundred quid, she's done alright there, like yeah, go buy a fucking pump.
51:50 Speaker 01 Dodging effort, she's asking for the pump. Some people are just, do you know what I mean?
51:54 Speaker 00 Yeah, it's just not enough, is it? It's just not enough. Nothing's enough.
51:59 Speaker 01 You asked me this morning if I'd get you a dog for your fortieth.
52:02 Speaker 00 Right.
52:04 Speaker 01 Listen to this.
52:05 Speaker 00 Okay, can I just say, it's because, I go through stages.
52:08 Speaker 01 You're not allowed to buy dogs as presents, by the way.
52:10 Speaker 00 I know, I go through stages, the gardener's dog, Paddy, he's just so lush, he comes around and he's just a... Do you know what, a day, he was looking at us through the glass door at the back, I'd already given him a stroke and stuff and he was looking at us through the glass door. He did one of the cleverest things I've ever seen, he was looking at us for ages, trying to get my attention, I kind of like waved at him. And he sat for ages thinking I was coming to the door and I walked past the door, he gets down, he takes me flip flop and sprints into the middle of the garden with the flip flop and turns around and looks at us, so I open the door and go give us that back and he's like, ah, because I stroke while you're here. I was like, you clever little fucker.
52:39 Speaker 01 Yeah, clever, clever once a week.
52:41 Speaker 00 Yeah.
52:42 Speaker 01 Ten times a day, still clever.
52:44 Speaker 00 I was just like, oh.
52:46 Speaker 01 Well, listen. Hello, Rosie and Chris, long time listener, first time emailer. My dog Hamish is a dick.
52:54 Speaker 01 No need to keep me or my dog anonymous.
52:56 Speaker 00 Hamish McDick.
52:57 Speaker 01 I love that, because he deserves to be shamed.
53:00 Speaker 00 Great.
53:01 Speaker 01 Hamish is a cross between a standard poodle, the big ones, and a flat-coated retriever.
53:07 Speaker 00 Right.
53:09 Speaker 01 Okay.
53:09 Speaker 00 So he's a golden doodle.
53:11 Speaker 01 Pretty much.
53:12 Speaker 00 Right.
53:12 Speaker 01 Two working breeds, which should make him clever, but really just make him a high-energy asshole.
53:17 Speaker 00 Yeah, brilliant.
53:18 Speaker 01 I'm writing this email because you have both spoken a lot about potentially getting a dog, but I'm here to provide some harsh reality.
53:24 Speaker 00 Okay.
53:24 Speaker 01 This is what you need to hear.
53:25 Speaker 00 Okay.
53:26 Speaker 01 All right. Hamish is known in our vets as a scavenger. He has, he has had two stomach surgeries and been forced to throw up once due to the idiotic things he has eaten.
53:37 Speaker 00 Oh no.
53:38 Speaker 01 First was a whole chicken carcass.
53:40 Speaker 00 The can't have, so he could eat it, he could eat it raw.
53:43 Speaker 01 Yeah.
53:44 Speaker 00 But the can't have it once the bones are being cooked because they go brittle and they get the shards in them.
53:48 Speaker 01 Left on the kitchen counter after a roast dinner. That, I love a chicken carcass.
53:53 Speaker 00 Yeah.
53:53 Speaker 01 So you know it would be.
53:54 Speaker 00 You and the dog, you're gonna, yeah, growling at each other for it.
53:57 Speaker 01 That came up the way it went down, so he vomited that up. Good luck, good boy. Second was a lamb coughed a skewer.
54:03 Speaker 00 The skewer?
54:04 Speaker 01 The skewer. This was at a barbecue and the skewer was six inches long and was cut out of him.
54:11 Speaker 00 Oh.
54:12 Speaker 01 Just, I leave loads of shit around.
54:15 Speaker 00 You do. Headphones. Imagine how many headphones our dog would eat.
54:18 Speaker 01 Oh my god. Airpods.
54:22 Speaker 01 Um, it was still in one piece. Third was a corn on the cob. The middle isn't digestible and it was wedged in his digestive tract.
54:30 Speaker 00 Dickhead.
54:30 Speaker 01 I think he's just a greedy dog.
54:32 Speaker 00 Yeah.
54:33 Speaker 01 Like, you know, when some of them, some of them are just like.
54:35 Speaker 00 They will just eat until they die. They don't care.
54:38 Speaker 01 Um, now we'd, oh, our dog will be so fat.
54:41 Speaker 00 No, no, it's abuse. You can't, you've got to have a, you've got to have a, an athletic dog. You can't have a big fat dog or you're not doing your job. It's not cool.
54:48 Speaker 01 You can't outrun a bad diet. I would feed that little bafucker.
54:52 Speaker 00 It'd be horrible.
54:53 Speaker 01 Oh god.
54:53 Speaker 00 He loves chili heat, we have Doritos. He's, Rosie's literally being sick. He's being sick now.
54:59 Speaker 01 But he loves a, he loves a little rice. Um, now for the worst thing he has done.
55:04 Speaker 00 That's not, they're not the worst. Oh god.
55:06 Speaker 01 He likes to roll in things.
55:08 Speaker 00 Oh no.
55:08 Speaker 01 Now you're thinking shit.
55:09 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
55:10 Speaker 01 Which has to be, which has been, oh my god, yeah.
55:13 Speaker 00 They're often, they're often rolling fox shit.
55:14 Speaker 01 Foxing catch it.
55:15 Speaker 00 Yeah.
55:16 Speaker 01 Me maid's, there's dog Ronnie. I'll never forget.
55:19 Speaker 00 Ronnie?
55:19 Speaker 01 Oh, he was lush, like, he was, he was same as Paddy. Uh, he rolled in fox shit and he came back to her house and I'm, obviously I've never had a dog and I, and I was like, what the fuck is that? It didn't, do you what? It didn't come out.
55:33 Speaker 00 Of course not.
55:33 Speaker 01 Didn't come out of him. The smell for days.
55:35 Speaker 00 Horrendous.
55:36 Speaker 01 Disgusting.
55:38 Speaker 00 Wow.
55:38 Speaker 01 Disgusting. I can still, you know, when you're like, I can smell it. It's left such an, that's an impression. Um, recently, this is what he's been rolling in, it was a dead bird. Yes, you read that correctly. A rotting bird corpse, which he shimmyed his whole body along while out playing on a local field.
55:56 Speaker 00 Why would you do that?
55:57 Speaker 01 Yeah.
55:59 Speaker 01 She says, I can hear Chris retching from you.
56:00 Speaker 00 I am? Cause it's like, I get, well, no, I don't.
56:03 Speaker 01 If you want a dog, this is what you've got to, this is the crack.
56:06 Speaker 00 Why do the, I'd be really interested in why they're rolling shit. Why do they roll in stuff?
56:10 Speaker 01 Is it like a?
56:11 Speaker 00 You can't get rid of it. Is it to get rid of it?
56:15 Speaker 01 Or to own it?
56:16 Speaker 00 Yeah, that's what I'm saying, to like wipe it up and then, oh my, I know I'm here, get rid of that, now I'm here.
56:21 Speaker 01 I honestly don't know, let her know, someone will email in.
56:23 Speaker 00 Horrible.
56:24 Speaker 01 Um, a few years back, we went in, oh, but this is what really, will really upset you.
56:29 Speaker 00 No, worse than the bird.
56:30 Speaker 01 Few years back, we went to Norfolk for my parent, my partner's nanny's funeral. We were walking along the beach with my partner and his parents, suddenly Hamish disappeared out of sight.
56:41 Speaker 00 Fucking lead, he's obviously an absolute nightmare.
56:44 Speaker 01 We followed him and found him rolling along the sand, assuming it would just be shit, we didn't panic too much, until we got closer. Hamish was rolling in, oh, it's a mysteries, mysteries, mysteries.
56:54 Speaker 00 Oh, I was gonna say, can I guess, I know what it is.
56:55 Speaker 01 It's not the dead nana.
57:00 Speaker 00 Fucking hell. Well, that's what they do in Norfolk, they just take her on the beach, take her on the beach, just let her lie there, let the tide come and take her, it's what you would have wanted.
57:08 Speaker 01 It's what the country folk do, it's not the dead nana.
57:10 Speaker 00 No, uh, I know, I think I know what it is. I think I know what it is, cause I think I know, sometimes they wash up on the beach round here and it's disgusting, jellyfish.
57:18 Speaker 01 No.
57:19 Speaker 00 That's not.
57:19 Speaker 01 No.
57:20 Speaker 00 Come on then.
57:21 Speaker 01 A dead seal pup.
57:25 Speaker 00 That, that.
57:29 Speaker 00 That, that has upset me so much.
57:32 Speaker 01 I know. What are you more upset about, the dead seal or the, the lack of respect from the dog?
57:36 Speaker 00 Everything.
57:37 Speaker 01 Everything.
57:37 Speaker 00 Everything.
57:38 Speaker 01 Yeah.
57:38 Speaker 00 The pup, the dead seal pups upset us, the fa- this dog's a fucking psycho. Oh, what's that, dead, are you kidding me, you fucking get a bit of that, will you, eh? Oh, God.
57:50 Speaker 01 I know.
57:51 Speaker 00 Dog's a fucking lunatic.
57:52 Speaker 01 I swear my mother-in-law was ready to throw him in the sea and leave him there, he looked so proud of himself.
57:57 Speaker 00 What the hell, man?
57:58 Speaker 01 Do you still want a dog?
57:59 Speaker 00 No.
58:00 Speaker 01 Right.
58:01 Speaker 00 That's the thing.
58:01 Speaker 01 So, before you get a dog, ask yourself how many animal corpse smells you are willing to wash off your dog all the best.
58:06 Speaker 00 Oh, nah, again, I, I, I will never forget, uh, Nick Grimshaw, when he had his dog, Pig.
58:12 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
58:13 Speaker 00 The dog was called Pig.
58:14 Speaker 01 Yeah.
58:15 Speaker 00 I don't know if he's still got that dog, lovely dog, hyper as fuck, but I remember we were in a dressing room and he was like, oh yeah, fuck it, he was like, he said, he was like, the thing about kids, it was genius, he was like, the thing about kids, he was like, he pointed at the dog, he went, that fucker will never be able to make me a cup of tea. And I was like, that's so fucking bang on, like, Robin could possibly, if I taught him how to do a coffee, he could possibly make us a coffee.
58:35 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah, for sure.
58:36 Speaker 00 He could definitely go to the fridge and get us a beer.
58:37 Speaker 01 By the way, Robin is a lazy little shit.
58:39 Speaker 00 Yeah, he's lazy as fuck.
58:40 Speaker 01 And he needs to start doing stuff by himself, cause he's getting older now, and like. He loves a bit of mom, get us a drink, mom do this.
58:47 Speaker 00 Yeah, yeah.
58:47 Speaker 01 And I'm, I'm, okay. I'm not gonna do it anymore.
58:50 Speaker 00 I can't shake your hand, I've got a injury.
58:51 Speaker 01 Right, other one. We're not gonna do it anymore.
58:53 Speaker 00 Okay.
58:53 Speaker 01 He needs to start getting his own stuff, he's 10 now.
58:55 Speaker 00 Okay.
58:56 Speaker 01 Right?
58:56 Speaker 00 Yeah.
58:57 Speaker 01 Are you gonna be on board with that?
58:58 Speaker 00 And when he rolls, when he rolls in there, man, animal carcass, he says, we'll just hose him off in the garden, all right?
59:02 Speaker 01 He's gone.
59:02 Speaker 00 No more coming in the house and using the bath, you fuck off.
59:05 Speaker 01 We need to have a word with the kids.
59:06 Speaker 00 Hmm.
59:07 Speaker 01 That the slip and slide on a night time is not a real, like, wash.
59:12 Speaker 00 Yeah, this is getting upsetting.
59:13 Speaker 01 Cause.
59:13 Speaker 00 Cause the weather's nice, we're doing the slip and slide.
59:15 Speaker 01 Every night, so three days passed and they were like, we're bead washed and I was getting these habits.
59:20 Speaker 00 Cause they're like, we're on the cold water on the slip and slide and there's fairy liquid on, this is a bath, it's not a bath.
59:25 Speaker 01 I mean, listen.
59:26 Speaker 00 It's not a bath.
59:26 Speaker 01 Did I, oh.
59:29 Speaker 00 What did you do?
59:31 Speaker 01 Did I the other night, get a flannel in the paddling pool and get some of the water from the slip and slide and rub their crotches?
59:41 Speaker 00 This is fucking disgusting.
59:42 Speaker 01 And backsides, did I, maybe I did.
59:44 Speaker 00 You're vile, you wouldn't be asked if a dog was rolling, you would just let it, dog would roll in, we'd have a dog, it would roll in carcasses and that, you go, I let him on the sofa, he's all right.
59:51 Speaker 01 No, I've, no, I've, are you talking, Minos? Minos? You honestly thi- with Minos?
1:00:00 Speaker 00 Oh, I thought you'd named the dog.
1:00:07 Speaker 00 Minos, come, Minos, I thought you'd already named the do- Matt, you think I'm letting Minos run? That was so weird.
1:00:17 Speaker 00 I was so confused. Got bloody, my pride and joy, my, little Minos, you think I'm letting, you think I'm letting him roll on the stuff?
1:00:25 Speaker 01 Say it enough, it's happening, Minos, Minos Ramsey, no, I, I forgot with, I need to say with.
1:00:32 Speaker 00 With Minos, right. Oh, I think I've, fuck it, I've got a headache off that, that was so confusing. It's all right. I hated every second of that. Oh, I've gone all hot.
1:00:44 Speaker 01 I've got a really good sense of smell. Like, we're getting the sofas cleaned on Thursday because I can't, one of the sofas smells so bad. I can't sit on it.
1:00:55 Speaker 00 It's disgusting. And when that room heats up and you've got that door open, it's just putrid.
1:00:59 Speaker 01 It's so bad.
1:00:59 Speaker 00 But that's been the kids sitting bare asses after their baths, eating cereal sofa for a long time. That'll mainly be snot, shit and milk. It'll be, oh yeah, man.
1:01:08 Speaker 01 It's kids' cocks. It's disgusting.
1:01:10 Speaker 00 It'll be snot, shit and milk. That's what it'll be. It's disgusting.
1:01:13 Speaker 01 It's vile. It is mostly little, little...
1:01:17 Speaker 00 And that's the thing though. Add little minnows on there as well. It's gonna be dog feet and dog arse as well. Minnows, come here. Minnows.
1:01:23 Speaker 01 Minnows? Minnows? It sounds like exotic.
1:01:25 Speaker 00 Sounds a bit like Milo.
1:01:26 Speaker 01 It does sound a bit like Milo, but my nose...
1:01:28 Speaker 00 Freaked us out hugely. Didn't know what was going on.
1:01:30 Speaker 01 Sorry about that. You're welcome.
1:01:37 Speaker 01 Thank you, as always, for listening to this week's episode of Shark Mountain Night.
1:01:41 Speaker 00 Thank you very much indeed. We'll be back in years next week. Please continue to like, rate and subscribe. And if you want to send anything in, it's [email protected] . And I don't know the number off by heart yet. I can't be arsed to reach over from my phone, but it's earlier on in the podcast and it's on your little podcast list and chrissramseycomedy.com.
1:01:55 Speaker 01 I knew I was gonna remind you, but you've...
1:01:56 Speaker 00 While we're on it, because the tour starts in September. Very, very excited to get back on the road. So we'll hopefully see you all then. Cheers.
1:02:03 Speaker 01 Bye.
1:02:12 Speaker 02 Whenever fall comes back around, it always feels like a fresh start. This year, I've been layering in some styles from the new Lululemon fall drop because the weather is shifting and I find I have to be ready for the entire day and not just one part of it. Lululemon's fall line has some really versatile transitional pieces. So I can just wake up, throw on a matching set, add a jacket or a fleece and head out, knowing that I'll feel comfortable enough to go wherever the day takes me. Check out the new fall arrivals in store and online now at lululemon.com.
1:02:41 Speaker 03 Ugh, I hate Mondays. King's wine and cinnamon swirl bite? Taylor Hanson? Sure, I'll try one.
1:02:51 Speaker 06 Hey, let's get back to work, please.
1:02:52 Speaker 03 But Taylor Hanson's making my day way better with these new soft and swirly King's Hawaiian cinnamon bites.
1:02:57 Speaker 06 Taylor Hanson? Nice. Try one. Mmm.
1:03:04 Speaker 04 King's Hawaiian cinnamon bites. There's nothing like it.
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