Please Keep Me Anonymous with Asim Chaudhry

On this week's Please Keep Me Anonymous, Chris and Rosie are joined by the brilliant comedian, actor and adopted Geordie, Asim Chaudhry! Asim is on to talk about The Reluctant Vampire but of course that chat goes in all kinds of directions including Asim's calves, his love for Newcastle and what life is like on a movie set. The Reluctant Vampire stars Lenny Rush, Tom Davis, Sian Clifford and Asim Chaudhry. You can watch the whole Series on BBC Ipayer! If you want to get involved and have your stories and voice notes included on the podcast, then get in touch! 📧: [email protected] 📱: 07874 406650 You can watch the podcast on the Shagged Married Annoyed YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/@shagged.married.annoyed Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

• 0:01Speaker 00

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• 0:29Speaker 01

  Oh, you're listening to Shag Marini, please keep me anonymous. On this week's episode, we are joined by Asim Chowdhury.

• 0:35Speaker 02

  Absolutely. Such a fun chat with Asim Chowdhury.

• 0:39Speaker 01

  We've had such a laugh. My eyelid was crying laughing.

• 0:41Speaker 02

  I'm exhausted from laughing. Asim is on, I mean, if you don't know who Asim Chowdhury is, he's been in so many amazing comedies, British comedies throughout the years, but he's currently on talking about The Reluctant Vampire, which is Sunday, 6:40pm on BBC One, but it's also all on iPlayer if you want to watch that all in one go. We're going to watch it with Robyn, I think.

• 1:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, really looking forward to it, actually.

• 1:02Speaker 02

  So, yeah, just a hilarious chat. So we covered so much ground. Just a, first time we've met him as well, just a really funny guy. I hope you enjoy it as much as we did.

• 1:33Speaker 01

  So I watch Real Housewives.

• 1:34Speaker 02

  Okay. Which one of?

• 1:36Speaker 01

  All of them.

• 1:37Speaker 02

  Everything. If there's a housewife in a place.

• 1:39Speaker 03

  Is there a Geordie one yet?

• 1:40Speaker 01

  No. Oh my God, but they did trial one, you know, they started filming Real Housewives of Newcastle. They did like an episode, this was when we lived in Northumberland, they did like an episode, but I don't know what happened to it.

• 1:51Speaker 03

  Northumberland sausage?

• 1:52Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 1:53Speaker 03

  Sorry, what does that say?

• 1:54Speaker 02

  Yeah, there it is.

• 1:55Speaker 03

  But you know, I support Newcastle. Wait, are you, you guys are Newcastle?

• 1:58Speaker 02

  No, no, we've got it in, you know, Alan Shearer was your childhood hero.

• 2:01Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 2:02Speaker 01

  So you're a Newcastle fan?

• 2:03Speaker 03

  Yeah, I love Newcastle.

• 2:04Speaker 01

  That's amazing.

• 2:05Speaker 03

  I'm a proper adopted Geordie, so I go, I'm up there all the time.

• 2:09Speaker 01

  No way.

• 2:10Speaker 03

  But you guys are Geordies, right?

• 2:11Speaker 02

  Well, we're from South Shields, just outside.

• 2:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 2:13Speaker 02

  We're actually close at the Sunderland, I'll be honest with you right now.

• 2:15Speaker 03

  But that's why I wasn't sure.

• 2:16Speaker 02

  Oh, we're not, we're not affiliated with either team, don't worry about it.

• 2:20Speaker 01

  We, we, do you know what? Happy for them.

• 2:22Speaker 03

  Political. Right down the middle. Don't want to go.

• 2:26Speaker 01

  Don't mention it.

• 2:27Speaker 02

  We are Switzerland of Geordies.

• 2:28Speaker 03

  You're the Switzerland of Geordies.

• 2:29Speaker 02

  100%.

• 2:30Speaker 01

  But do you know what it is though?

• 2:31Speaker 02

  There's a big fence called South Shields and we fucking sit on it right in the middle.

• 2:33Speaker 01

  We talk about this quite a lot because you're not a huge football fan.

• 2:37Speaker 02

  Not a huge football fan.

• 2:38Speaker 01

  But we've, all of our friendship groups, there's half Newcastle, half Sunderland. It's just the way that it is.

• 2:42Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:43Speaker 01

  But if you do affiliate yourself to a certain team, you'll lose.

• 2:46Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 2:47Speaker 03

  Really?

• 2:48Speaker 02

  I've got mates who love Sam Fender, love his music, they would rather die than go to St James's Park to watch him because it's in St James's Park. Mental mates.

• 2:56Speaker 03

  It's like the Crips of the Bloods.

• 2:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's crazy. I remember, have I talked about it? I remember years ago, it's not, it's not that bad, it's fine, they can coexist.

• 3:05Speaker 03

  No, of course, no, I know, yeah, yeah.

• 3:06Speaker 02

  The football teams can be in the same pub together.

• 3:08Speaker 03

  Of course, yeah.

• 3:09Speaker 02

  But I remember years ago.

• 3:10Speaker 01

  Hang on, I need to say as well though, my dad is literally like, if he bled, he would bleed Sunderland red and white.

• 3:14Speaker 03

  Really?

• 3:15Speaker 01

  So, I'm more of a Sunderland household, but I like that, that the North East is doing well football wise.

• 3:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, both teams, and Sunderland had a great season.

• 3:23Speaker 02

  To have both teams up in the, in the premiership, and if it's still even called the premiership, to have them both up there, it's amazing for the area.

• 3:30Speaker 01

  It's great for the local area, isn't it?

• 3:31Speaker 03

  Of course.

• 3:32Speaker 02

  It's great for everything. But I remember years ago, Kevin Bridges, the comedian, came to my house years ago when we were just doing the clubs, and we were in a pub and we're just having our lunch, and the pub was half Newcastle fans and half Sunderland fans, and he was freaking out.

• 3:44Speaker 03

  Really?

• 3:45Speaker 02

  And I was like, oh mate, it's not like that.

• 3:46Speaker 03

  He thinks it's like a Fin Scott Ryan.

• 3:48Speaker 02

  Like Glasgow, yeah, I was like, mate, it's not like that. I was like, these'll, there might be the odd word said, they'll call each other wanker or something and then they'll be fine.

• 3:54Speaker 03

  A bit of banter. But also just generally, like every time, the rea, one of the reasons why I love Newcastle so much, I mean, is when I do go up there, it's, it's such a, even when you, even when we have away fans who come, like when we were Champions League, whoever comes, they all say Newcastle is one of the most friendliest places.

• 4:10Speaker 01

  Aww.

• 4:11Speaker 03

  And if there is a bit, this friendly banter.

• 4:12Speaker 01

  I love that.

• 4:13Speaker 03

  And if you can't get down with that, then it's like, you know what I mean? So it's never, I've never experienced like that, that, oh God, it's a bit aggressive or something, or it might kick off.

• 4:20Speaker 02

  Never really seen it. You're categorically saying you've never punched a horse, is that what you're saying?

• 4:24Speaker 03

  No, I, I mean, you know, I'm a big fan of that moment, but no, I haven't.

• 4:28Speaker 02

  Mate, as a touring comedian, could you have any idea what it was like being a Geordie, classed as a Geordie comic, being on tour while in the news a Newcastle fan had punched him, it was fucking Chris, was it?

• 4:39Speaker 03

  But you've got material about that, haven't you?

• 4:41Speaker 02

  It was, I did, I had it on tour.

• 4:43Speaker 03

  Yeah, I remember that, I've seen it, it's amazing.

• 4:45Speaker 02

  I was like, this is incredible.

• 4:46Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 4:47Speaker 02

  Yeah. And to be fair, one of me, one of, can remember, we were once in a restaurant in Newcastle, just after I'd done Strictly, and Alan Shearer was in the corner of the restaurant.

• 4:55Speaker 01

  With?

• 4:56Speaker 02

  Oh my God, there's a, with Steve Bruce.

• 4:57Speaker 01

  Bruce.

• 4:58Speaker 02

  Steve Bruce and Alan Shearer in the corner of the restaurant.

• 4:59Speaker 01

  And their wives.

• 5:00Speaker 02

  And we're like, oh my God, it's Alan Shearer, I went to the toilet, I was like, fucking hell, it's Alan Shearer. Obviously, you know, I knew him from when I was younger and everything. We were walking out and he just went, Chris! And I turned around, he's like, come here. Him and his wife watched Strictly, oh, we loved John Strictly, well done and all that. And I was like, huh, huh, huh, and yeah.

• 5:15Speaker 03

  Oh my God.

• 5:16Speaker 02

  I get invited to golf days at Close House sometimes now, and the other day, it was his birthday, he put his birthday, he was on Instagram, and I don't know why, we'll follow each other on Instagram, and I wrote, happy birthday mate, and then on his comments, and then I close it, and for about 10 minutes, I sat there going, why have I done that? I'm not on mate terms with that, this is Alan Shearer, I'm not on, and then I went back on 10 minutes later and he went, he commented underneath, thanks Chris.

• 5:37Speaker 03

  No. So I, I've, obviously he's my, you know, he's one of my heroes, I grew up, posters on the wall, all that stuff. I've never met him before, right? But I, I know his son, right, Will, and you know, I've been to a few games with it. It was the Euros, the Covid Euros, right? It was England, Germany, I went with my mate, and we were outside, we were just getting, getting a pint, and I see four lads, and they've all got England shirts on, but they've all got Shearer on the back.

• 6:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 6:03Speaker 03

  I thought, oh, that's weird. And they come up to me and they go, oh, we love people just nothing, can we get a picture? I'm taking a picture, one of the, one of the guys, and he's like, you might know my, my old man. And I went, who's your old man? He went, Alan. I went, Alan who? He went, Alan Shearer. And I went, sorry? And he went, he went, he loves just, he got in my FaceTime.

• 6:17Speaker 02

  Shut the fuck up.

• 6:18Speaker 03

  Yeah, and I FaceTimed with Shearer there, and I didn't know what to say, I was just like, yeah, yeah, yeah, and I don't know. Why, why I, man? Just terrible Geordie accent. But then he followed me on Instagram, but I, and I actually, I've had opportunities to meet him, like brand stuff and all, I'm not saying I've, I've said no, but it's never quite happened. And I'm actually okay with that. But I do, I message him on his birthday and he'll just like it, he won't say anything back, he'll just like the message. But I'm, I almost don't want to meet him because he's such a hero, and I know he's lovely, everyone I've ever met.

• 6:46Speaker 01

  I've heard he's really lovely.

• 6:47Speaker 03

  I know he's lovely, but I'm almost like, you know, like it's the Wizard of Oz, you know, you sometimes you don't, you don't want to see behind the curtain and then go, oh, he's just a normal man.

• 6:55Speaker 01

  I know.

• 6:56Speaker 03

  He's not, he's a god.

• 6:57Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, to you.

• 6:58Speaker 03

  I don't want to meet god.

• 6:59Speaker 01

  What the hell?

• 7:00Speaker 03

  When do you meet god? When you die.

• 7:02Speaker 02

  There it is.

• 7:03Speaker 01

  Well, exactly.

• 7:04Speaker 03

  Think about it, slow it down.

• 7:05Speaker 01

  So we have more than in with him, and if you do die, we'll get him, we might see if we can get him to come to you.

• 7:10Speaker 03

  To my funeral.

• 7:11Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:12Speaker 03

  No, I just don't, I, I'm actually fine with, because I'm such a fan, and I think, I think that's a lost thing these days, you know, when people are just fans. It's fine, I don't need to meet the actor or the sport. I'm just a fan, I want to watch, sit back and watch and admire and be a fan. Because sometimes I think there is that element of, you see behind the curtain, and you're in it too much.

• 7:33Speaker 01

  I agree.

• 7:34Speaker 03

  And it ruins the magic and the romance of it all. So I'm fine with meeting, not meeting most of my heroes. I'm not like, you know what I mean?

• 7:40Speaker 01

  No, I totally agree with that.

• 7:41Speaker 02

  I agree, I agree, there's, I like, I do, obviously not saying I'm anyone's hero, but I do like it when I'll be walking or I'll be somewhere and I see someone like acknowledge the look, they'll say it's me and they'll just, little nod.

• 7:53Speaker 03

  I love that.

• 7:54Speaker 02

  And you go, that little nod is cool as fuck.

• 7:55Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 7:56Speaker 02

  The little nod is so cool.

• 7:57Speaker 03

  It's like when they're not there with their phone in their hands going, hey man, I'm, and you're just waiting for that moment to be over, like, let's take a picture.

• 8:02Speaker 02

  Don't get us wrong, love before, love the chat, all that, I'm not being a prick, but there's something very cool about the little nod.

• 8:09Speaker 03

  When it's, it almost makes them feel cooler.

• 8:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:12Speaker 03

  You know, they're like, yeah man, love your stuff man, what you got man? And you're like, wow, a normal conversation.

• 8:16Speaker 01

  And then leave.

• 8:17Speaker 03

  Like, and they leave, and I'm like, even sometimes I'm like, you don't, do you want a picture? And they're like, nah, fuck that. And I'm like, oh, now I'm the win, you know what I mean? But it's lovely because it feels real and it feels like a mental picture.

• 8:29Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 8:30Speaker 03

  A moment for your mind, for your memory.

• 8:31Speaker 02

  But you must get it for so many things now, because I mean, you're in so, obviously people just do nothing, but now, obviously now The Reluctant Vampire, which you want to talk about, but I mean, we read your bio, you're in, like, you've been in Guardians of the Galaxy.

• 8:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, but that was a CGI character, I played a walrus, so typecasted.

• 8:48Speaker 02

  Right. Where was that done?

• 8:50Speaker 03

  I filmed that in Atlanta in Marvel Studios.

• 8:54Speaker 02

  No way.

• 8:55Speaker 03

  Yeah, it was unbelievable.

• 8:56Speaker 02

  Was anyone else there? Any of the?

• 8:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, James Gunn, they were, the director was there, but we were all in the mocap suits.

• 9:01Speaker 01

  Right. We're huge Marvel fans, by the way.

• 9:04Speaker 02

  Yeah, I think James Gunn's a genius.

• 9:06Speaker 03

  It was an incredible experience. It was like, I was actually with Ramesh the other day, I was doing a bit of press for this.

• 9:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 9:14Speaker 03

  And he told me that he auditioned for that role.

• 9:15Speaker 01

  Right.

• 9:16Speaker 03

  And he got a callback, but I got it in the end, and I was like, oh, okay, Ramesh, the one role you didn't get. Oh, boo hoo.

• 9:23Speaker 01

  And he's bringing it up.

• 9:24Speaker 03

  You're in literally everything else, Ramesh.

• 9:26Speaker 02

  Not only is he in everything else, his fucking production company makes everything else.

• 9:30Speaker 03

  Do you know what I mean? Yeah, exactly, so no, but it was, it was a great experience and, yeah, you know what, it's one of those weird things where like, I think I do, you know, you do get recognised, but it kind of depends where you are, and also, you know, it's a chain reaction. When one person does it to you and then everyone goes, oh, it's that guy. I think with me as well, being a brown fella, I think with, with the white people, sometimes they always are a bit, you know, just let's make sure, you know what I mean? Sometimes I fuck with them as well, sometimes they go, oh my God, are you, Asim Chowdhury? Are you too by the G? And I'm like, knows that. And they go, oh my God, I'm like, oh, so we all look like, oh my God, I'm sorry. It's always the posh ones that go, oh my God, I'm so sorry, I'm mortified, I'm like, chill out, it is me.

• 10:13Speaker 03

  Oh God, don't do that to me. I thought I was racist.

• 10:15Speaker 02

  Oh, you bastard. That's great.

• 10:17Speaker 03

  No, but you know it's.

• 10:17Speaker 02

  Sweating and that. I love your stuff.

• 10:20Speaker 03

  It's, but it's sometimes you've got to be careful because.

• 10:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 10:24Speaker 03

  You know what I mean? You have to be sure when it's, you know, when they're not white. You have to be careful.

• 10:29Speaker 02

  So this is what, I was, I was, obviously this is the first time we've met and now I feel very comfortable asking this question because I was a little bit worried. So have you been on any things? Well, obviously you did that James Gunn and everything's there, but he's the director, he's part of it. So I'm guessing there was no, you know, Star Lord wasn't there, Chris Pratt wasn't there.

• 10:43Speaker 03

  No, funny enough. So the, the guy who plays, who does the mocap for Rocket is actually James Gunn's brother.

• 10:48Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 10:49Speaker 03

  So he does all the actual, you know, and we all, he was playing baby Rocket, which is quite funny because he was doing like a silly voice.

• 10:54Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:55Speaker 03

  He was like doing a baby voice, bit weird.

• 10:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:58Speaker 03

  You say cute, I found it a bit weird. Bit weird. There's a man in a leotard with his bits hanging out going, oh my God, I don't want to go over there. No, it was like, doing a baby Rocket. I mean, it was beautiful. And actually it was, I didn't think it was going to be that emotional because when I read the script. But when you're watching it, it really hits you because I mean, it's got, you know, it's got themes of like animal, concentration camp, really. That's what the animals were in. They were being tested on. It was really, really dark. And I remember like when I, when I, you know, because they only send you the sides.

• 11:27Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 11:28Speaker 03

  And then once I got the part, they sent me the whole script and obviously I read that we all die in the end and I'm like, oh great.

• 11:33Speaker 01

  Great.

• 11:33Speaker 03

  But because I've, because that's Marvel, I've been in DC as well with Sandman. So I played Cain and Abel. I named my son Abel actually because I'm a narcissist.

• 11:43Speaker 01

  My nephew's called Abel.

• 11:44Speaker 03

  Really?

• 11:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:45Speaker 03

  I've loved that. You know, I've always loved that name. I feel like it's, it's, well, it's literally the third name ever. Because Adam E.

• 11:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, of course.

• 11:52Speaker 03

  Cain and Abel. So it's like the third name ever.

• 11:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:54Speaker 03

  So it's a very old name, but I feel like it is making somewhat of a comeback.

• 11:56Speaker 01

  Well, it's so funny. Well, because I'm brought up Catholic.

• 11:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:00Speaker 01

  And have you ever seen Sons of Anarchy?

• 12:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 12:03Speaker 01

  Well, they, they, there's a child in that called Abel. And when my brother, stupidly, when my brother named his nephew, I was like, Sons of Anarchy. And he was like, no, the Bible.

• 12:12Speaker 03

  Well, ours is definitely not the Bible. I'm Muslim. I'm not practicing. My wife's Christian. She's not practicing. We're not religious. So ours was named literally because I played the character, but also like it is, you know, I mean, we are from, you know, Abrahamic religions. And Abel's a name that's in every, you know, you've got like an Arabic version, which is Habil, which my mum calls him. I'm like, his name's Abel. How's Habil? His name's Abel. And then my wife's Armenian Christian. So here's, there's a version of him, his name called Appel. And his, her mum's like, hello, Appel. I'm like, it's Abel.

• 12:46Speaker 03

  But you know what? We let him have it though, because it's like, it's fine. But that's kind of why the name's so cool.

• 12:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, I love it.

• 12:51Speaker 03

  It's in every.

• 12:51Speaker 01

  Have you got any more? Have you got any other kids?

• 12:53Speaker 03

  He just popped him out five months.

• 12:55Speaker 01

  Five months. Congrats.

• 12:57Speaker 03

  And actually, let me show you this.

• 12:59Speaker 01

  Oh, let me see pictures.

• 13:00Speaker 03

  Cameras because we don't show his face.

• 13:01Speaker 01

  No, no, but come on, let me see.

• 13:02Speaker 03

  Blur it out. But oh God.

• 13:04Speaker 01

  Let's have a look. Five, fresh.

• 13:06Speaker 03

  Oh God.

• 13:07Speaker 02

  Look at my notifications he's had to get now.

• 13:08Speaker 03

  I haven't checked my phone for a while. Look what top's wearing.

• 13:12Speaker 02

  Oh, he's got a Newcastle top on.

• 13:17Speaker 03

  No, it says Abel on the back, not Habil or Appel.

• 13:19Speaker 02

  Yeah. Abel, Abel to you, Appel and Abel, but in Newcastle we'll call him Alan.

• 13:27Speaker 03

  Actually Abel's quite a good Johnny name. Abel?

• 13:29Speaker 01

  Abel, Abel. Yeah.

• 13:32Speaker 03

  Is that, yeah?

• 13:33Speaker 02

  So this is the question I was going to ask you, right? Have you, obviously that was the mocap thing. You've been another, you're like huge things. Are you ever, because when you're in your own thing, when you're doing, you know, people just know that you're a looking vampire, you know, you're a big, you're a big star. What's it like when you go to these things where the other big stars are there and suddenly you're the bottom of the fucking food chain again?

• 13:52Speaker 01

  It's a little fish, isn't it?

• 13:53Speaker 02

  Yeah. What's it like?

• 13:54Speaker 03

  Guardians is probably not the best example, just because I wasn't really on set with like Bradley Cooper and all that. I mean, obviously that would be, I've done that kind of stuff before and it's fine. I, my experience is like, the bigger the star, actually the nicer they are. I did a film, that rhymed. They did, I did a film a couple of years ago in Cape Town.

• 14:12Speaker 02

  T-shirt.

• 14:13Speaker 03

  Yeah. And it was a, it was a film called Good Luck, Have Fun, Don't Die.

• 14:19Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 14:19Speaker 03

  And it's like an anti-AI film. It kind of, it came out of cinemas here, but now it's doing well on streaming and everyone, people really enjoy it. It's Gore Vabinski, the director who did Pirates of the Caribbean, Sam Rockwell leading, Michael Penney as a beat.

• 14:30Speaker 01

  He did film in media at uni, so he's like.

• 14:33Speaker 03

  Well, here's my point. So like they all like pretty much A-listers and I went there, you know, being a UK comedian actor, whatever.

• 14:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:40Speaker 03

  Nowhere near their level. They were the ni-, but, but similar kind of role. So it was an ensemble. So you all kind of get the same treatment, same trailers. You all get PAs. It was very nice. But I swear to God, Sam Rockwell's probably the biggest actor I've ever worked with and the nicest.

• 14:54Speaker 01

  Oh, that's, I love Sam Rockwell.

• 14:56Speaker 02

  I love him. I love him.

• 14:58Speaker 03

  Hilarious, sweet, like, and just an absolutely brilliant actor.

• 15:02Speaker 02

  Have you seen the, the clips of him dancing on, when he comes on Kimmel or whatever?

• 15:06Speaker 03

  I was in a bar in Cape Town and he was on the table dancing. And I'm telling you what, he is like, he's really small. Like he's, he's around five, five, probably five, six max.

• 15:16Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 15:16Speaker 03

  And I'm telling you, all our wives would be like that gone around him.

• 15:21Speaker 02

  That's just, mine's admitted it. Mine's just admitted it in front of us.

• 15:24Speaker 03

  Every woman would melt. And not even in a kind of like cheesy way, like in a way where he will take your girl. He never will because he's just a gent.

• 15:30Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 15:31Speaker 03

  But he is every like, he's smart, funny, talented. And then once he starts dancing, you're like, game over.

• 15:36Speaker 01

  Unbelievable. Where do these people come from?

• 15:39Speaker 03

  I know.

• 15:39Speaker 01

  There is men and women in this world who I think were sent from some sort of god. Like, and they were, no, but they are. They're literally like, you meet them and you're like, what, what the fuck? You are like a.

• 15:49Speaker 03

  Unbelievable.

• 15:49Speaker 01

  Like a Greek sort of god. Like you're just drop dead gorgeous and amazed. They carry, they, they charisma, how are you? You've met people like this.

• 15:57Speaker 02

  Oh God, of course. Yeah, yeah. Man crushes, full man crushes, I get. I would have a full man crush.

• 16:00Speaker 03

  A hundred percent. We all did.

• 16:03Speaker 02

  That when he comes on and he's got the suit, it's the clips, is it Kimmel or, or, or the other one Fallon is one of them?

• 16:08Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's one where he's, yeah.

• 16:08Speaker 02

  Comes on, he just opens his suit and he's just, he's doing the splits and that.

• 16:12Speaker 03

  And he's a big boxing fan as well, which, you know, that whole rhythm comes from that.

• 16:15Speaker 02

  Of course it does.

• 16:16Speaker 03

  You know, and, and he's just honestly like, and then a movie, obviously he's a movie star, but also such a movie student. He'll come in and go, you gotta check this movie out here. It was from the 1940s and all this and that. And give you movie recommendations and just every day, just the nicest guy.

• 16:30Speaker 01

  So that's good to know.

• 16:31Speaker 03

  Amazing.

• 16:32Speaker 01

  And I can imagine that actually with the big, big stars, they are just.

• 16:35Speaker 03

  Well, you know what it is? I think it's like, sometimes, you know, when you meet some of those stars who are probably like, a bit like, I never quite got to where I thought I would get to. And they have a bit of a chip on their shoulder. But like, if you're Sam Rockwell, you've won an Oscar, you're universally loved. You've made hundreds of great movies. Well, like.

• 16:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:50Speaker 01

  You've got nothing to prove.

• 16:51Speaker 02

  He's got some really good ones. Like Moon, you've seen Moon?

• 16:54Speaker 03

  Oh, I love it. Yeah.

• 16:55Speaker 02

  Oh my God, have you seen it? You love Moon.

• 16:57Speaker 03

  He's just unbelievable. And then he's weird enough, even though he's one of the best, he, I still think he's underrated. Like, you know, he wouldn't come up in people's top five, top 10.

• 17:04Speaker 02

  I would agree.

• 17:05Speaker 03

  But look at his work.

• 17:06Speaker 02

  Yeah. Green Mile.

• 17:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 17:07Speaker 02

  Absolute bastard in the Green Mile.

• 17:09Speaker 03

  And I mean, Three Billboards, where he won the Oscar for.

• 17:12Speaker 02

  Outstanding.

• 17:12Speaker 03

  Best villains ever with that walk, you know, that shit walk he did.

• 17:15Speaker 02

  He smashed the wind. He does that. Oh my God. Yeah.

• 17:18Speaker 01

  You're right though, because if you see a Sam Rockwell, you, if, unless you're really a fan, some people will go, who are you talking about?

• 17:24Speaker 03

  You'd be like, Didero, Didero, Pacino, you know, whatever, you, all these names. Marlon Brando, you wouldn't go Sam Rockwell, which I think is actually not on. I think he is up there.

• 17:32Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, I would agree.

• 17:33Speaker 03

  You know, consistency, you know? Yeah, he's a great. So I, I, I, I think some of the biggest stars you meet are the nicest.

• 17:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:40Speaker 03

  To be honest with you, they're just comfortable with who they are. They're content, they're proud. You know, they haven't got much to prove. They're like.

• 17:46Speaker 01

  And they've got no money worries.

• 17:47Speaker 03

  Yeah. Well, that helps.

• 17:49Speaker 01

  Do you know what I mean?

• 17:50Speaker 03

  That does help.

• 17:51Speaker 01

  Surely that helps. Like, and no money doesn't buy your happiness, but I think it takes away a lot of worries, doesn't it?

• 17:56Speaker 03

  I think, I can't remember the quote now, but it was like, you know, oh, these people are so nice. These people are so nice. It'd be like, yeah, if I had that much money, I'd be that nice.

• 18:05Speaker 02

  This episode is sponsored by TV Licensing. A TV licence covers you to watch over 400 TV channels and everything on BBC iPlayer. To find out more, go to tvl.co.uk/pod. Rosie, what we're watching?

• 18:19Speaker 01

  Celebrity traitors.

• 18:20Speaker 02

  Celebrity traitors.

• 18:22Speaker 01

  It's back. Everyone's very excited about it.

• 18:25Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 18:25Speaker 01

  Um, it's all over socials at the minute. We know who's in.

• 18:28Speaker 02

  Incredible lineup.

• 18:29Speaker 01

  Incredible lineup. I genuinely, I don't know anything that's going to happen. There's been no lea-, well done to those celebrities, by the way.

• 18:37Speaker 02

  Even the celebrity that you were at the Edinburgh Fringe with and asked at non-stop to tell you and never did.

• 18:43Speaker 01

  She told me nothing. She told me nothing. Well done, Joanne. She absolutely did not. She didn't let anything go.

• 18:48Speaker 02

  Still angry about it.

• 18:49Speaker 01

  Although, no, I did ask her. I actually said to her, I don't want to know, but she was not forthcoming with the information. I think it's, I think it's killed her a little bit. I'm not going to lie, but it would kill me. Imagine.

• 18:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 18:59Speaker 01

  Imagine just like, no, you can't say anything. But there's been no leaks. I, I know nothing.

• 19:03Speaker 02

  It's, it's going to be great. The lineup is absolutely ridiculous. I mean, traitors, absolutely one of the best shows on telly. I mean, just to, just to list a few of the people, Bella Ramsey, James Blunt, Jerry Hall, Joe Lycett, Leanne Pinnock, Maya Jama, Michael Sheen, Miranda Hart, Richard E. Grant, Rosie, Ramesh. The list goes on.

• 19:22Speaker 01

  Wild.

• 19:22Speaker 02

  Madness.

• 19:23Speaker 01

  What? How did they get all them people?

• 19:24Speaker 02

  Because it's a good show, isn't it? Good show and they want to be part of it.

• 19:27Speaker 01

  I'm going to let you do this next one because it's written by. Your two favourite writers in the world.

• 19:32Speaker 02

  In the whole world, yeah. So The Reluctant Vampire on BBC, all episodes are dropping on iPlayer. Cast is just phenomenal. We've got Lenny Rush, we've got Sean Clifford, we've got Tom Davis, we've got Joe Wilkinson. The list goes on. Phenomenal cast.

• 19:47Speaker 01

  Really good.

• 19:48Speaker 02

  Obviously, the main, for me, the main pull, written by Neil Gibbons and Rob Gibbons, who write all of the Alan Partridge stuff, all of the audiobooks that I listen to with Alan Partridge stuff. Just incredibly, incredibly great.

• 20:02Speaker 01

  So your humour, isn't it?

• 20:03Speaker 02

  Funny writers, really looking forward to binging this. Yeah, right up my, right up my street. And honestly, love vampires as well, you know, never met one, but you know, big fan.

• 20:13Speaker 01

  Oh, and it's nearly Halloween.

• 20:14Speaker 02

  Perfect.

• 20:15Speaker 01

  Perfect. Getting the mood.

• 20:17Speaker 02

  Now, Rosie, a show that you're going to enjoy, and not even just enjoy, a show that I think you genuinely missed your call and you had to be part of. Apocalypse on Channel Four.

• 20:25Speaker 01

  Oh, yes.

• 20:26Speaker 02

  Because you genuinely believe that the world is ending with every single bit of news you see. So this would be right up your street.

• 20:32Speaker 01

  I didn't want to depress people in this part of the thing, but yeah. So what they've done is they've just got members of the public together and they've put them in an apocalyptic setting.

• 20:41Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:42Speaker 01

  And the clip that I just saw recently was they were starting to steal food from each other.

• 20:48Speaker 02

  Fantastic, which is exactly the way it would go.

• 20:50Speaker 01

  It's absolutely what would happen.

• 20:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 20:51Speaker 01

  You know, only, only the baddies survive.

• 20:54Speaker 02

  We've always said that, yeah. Only the worst people ever survive in anything that happens. This is, you know, hopefully they're not the worst people, hopefully they're very.

• 21:00Speaker 01

  Well, we'll have, no, we'll wait and see because I'm telling you right now, I think, I think the baddies will survive of this programme.

• 21:06Speaker 02

  So it is, it's a survival reality series. Two groups test their survival skills in an abandoned town with no electricity, no running water or food. Fourteen contestants taking part, they've got to survive 28 days. That started 13th of September. It's expected to run every Sunday for seven episodes.

• 21:22Speaker 01

  How long, twenty, that's a long time.

• 21:24Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:24Speaker 01

  Without any electricity, no water, nothing.

• 21:27Speaker 02

  Honestly, I'm just jealous of them just because they'll just have, they'll have a lovely social media break.

• 21:31Speaker 01

  They will, but we've done these kind of TV programmes before, right? And genuinely, they're really strict.

• 21:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:36Speaker 01

  You know how sometimes you watch a programme and you think, oh, they'll be letting them, they won't.

• 21:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:40Speaker 01

  They will be fully doing that.

• 21:41Speaker 02

  Walking off stage and off screen and having a Mars bar. No chance. No chance, no chance.

• 21:45Speaker 01

  Ooh.

• 21:46Speaker 02

  So enjoy all of that viewing this October. And remember, a TV licence covers you to watch over 400 TV channels and everything on BBC iPlayer. To find out more, go to tvl.co.uk/pod.

• 21:58Speaker 00

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• 22:28Speaker 04

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• 23:00Speaker 03

  Like, I was talking, I'm not going to say names, but I was talking about, we were talking about nepotism, right? I'm a work class boy, you know, I'm self-made, whatever. But like, we were talking about like, let's say a musician, right, who comes from money. And we know that nepotism only gets you to a certain point, right? Like, you know, once you're in the door, it's like, okay, what you got?

• 23:17Speaker 01

  You have to be talented. That's my opinion on nepotism.

• 23:19Speaker 03

  Right? So then you're like, okay, first, so like a musician who's clearly a nepo baby, right? But here's the difference. So he might be very, very talented or she might, whoever this person is, right? But what they didn't experience is you see when that come up was happening, they didn't have the safety net of being like, I can just experiment and learn my craft.

• 23:39Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:39Speaker 03

  They didn't have that. Like, normal people, they'll be like, yeah, I'm talented, I get that. I've also got fucking bills to pay and I've got this debt and I've got that loan and I've got this and this is happening and that's happening.

• 23:49Speaker 02

  And I'm from a world where all me mates go, you want to be a fucking watcher?

• 23:52Speaker 03

  Yes, yeah.

• 23:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 23:53Speaker 03

  Exactly. So that's where I think the nepotism gives you the advantage. It's great to have the talent.

• 23:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:00Speaker 03

  But like, to not have any of that risk.

• 24:02Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 24:02Speaker 03

  There's no risk, you know, like, like, we all took risks, right? When you're like.

• 24:06Speaker 02

  I drop out at uni.

• 24:06Speaker 03

  Yeah, I, I quit my job. It's like, you can, you want to do this for real now. What is, what if you fail? Okay, well, I'll tell you if I fail, that like, the kind of, the line is very, it's thin, isn't it? You could just dip and go, oh, fuck, like, I'm homeless.

• 24:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:21Speaker 03

  Like, oh, no, no, I'm kicked out, I can't afford my rent.

• 24:23Speaker 01

  You could say that about anyone who's got rich parents, I guess, couldn't you? I think, you know, the nepotism thing, that I sometimes struggle with that because, like, there is, people slag them off so much, like, children who are now actors and whatever. But I sometimes think, it's actually, in a way, it's harder for them because they do, they do have to prove themselves a little bit more. And I don't think they actually get as far because they have to be good.

• 24:49Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 24:49Speaker 01

  And I've watched, like, so Stranger Things is, um, gosh, what's her name? Uma Thurman and what is it? Ethan Hawke, their daughter. I never knew.

• 24:59Speaker 03

  Okay, I haven't seen the new ones, but yeah.

• 25:00Speaker 01

  She's in Stranger Things.

• 25:01Speaker 02

  She's the what? Have you seen the ones where they're working, they're working, yeah, she's Robin, they're working the ice cream place.

• 25:05Speaker 03

  I've only seen the first series.

• 25:07Speaker 02

  All right. Well, she's quite big in the last few series, but yeah.

• 25:09Speaker 01

  But I didn't know that that was her parents. And I genuinely, I thought she was, she's great, she's really good. And then you find out. And then your brain kind of goes to like, well, actually, that was her whole world growing up.

• 25:19Speaker 02

  Of course.

• 25:19Speaker 01

  So it kind of.

• 25:20Speaker 03

  You better be good.

• 25:21Speaker 01

  It makes sense, doesn't it?

• 25:22Speaker 03

  She better than her mum? Is she better than Uma Thurman in Pop Fiction?

• 25:26Speaker 02

  When the remake.

• 25:27Speaker 03

  Is she better than Uma Thurman in Kill Bill?

• 25:28Speaker 02

  When the remake Kill Bill, we'll find out.

• 25:30Speaker 03

  Well, yeah, but, but it's like, imagine being like Ronaldo's son or Messi's son. What's the point?

• 25:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:36Speaker 03

  And you want to be a footballer. And you want to be a footballer. Why?

• 25:39Speaker 02

  See, yeah, no, you're both, you're both right.

• 25:42Speaker 01

  I think there's arguments to both of it, actually.

• 25:43Speaker 03

  But then you'd be like, okay, well, Erling Haaland, he's better than his dad, but that's rare.

• 25:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:49Speaker 02

  That is.

• 25:50Speaker 03

  That is rare, isn't it?

• 25:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:52Speaker 03

  But his dad wasn't like, it's like that level, was he?

• 25:55Speaker 02

  His career ended by Roy Keane.

• 25:56Speaker 03

  Roy Keane, yeah.

• 25:57Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:57Speaker 01

  Is that a footballer? I don't know.

• 25:58Speaker 02

  Roy Keane, like, so Erling Haaland's dad.

• 26:01Speaker 03

  Dirty tackle, wasn't it?

• 26:01Speaker 02

  Dirty tackled, Erling Haaland's dad dirty tackled Roy Keane and then literally, it was like, it was the following season or something, ages later.

• 26:08Speaker 03

  Roy Keane got his.

• 26:09Speaker 02

  Fucking knew he was going to get sent off. He literally jumps into him like it's rugby, like it's karate.

• 26:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 26:15Speaker 02

  And end his career, end his career. And now Erling Haaland, his son is now one of the best players in the world. That is crazy, that.

• 26:20Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 26:21Speaker 03

  That is crazy, but I think he's, that's an exception, exception to the rule.

• 26:25Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 26:25Speaker 01

  That is right.

• 26:27Speaker 03

  Because normally it's the dads who are, do you know what I mean? Do they say it skips a generation, like, the talent and the skill? Do they say that?

• 26:34Speaker 02

  I was watching something recently and who I thought was Laurence Fishburne popped up in it. It's his fucking son. I looked and I went, Laurence Fishburne hasn't aged a day. I went, he's getting fucking younger. What the hell? It was his fucking son. It's his son. It was in something recently. Laurence Fishburne, you know, Morpheus, the mayor. He's, he's the, he's the double of Laurence Fishburne when he was in Boys in the Hood.

• 26:58Speaker 03

  Well, well, I would have to say this and I'm not just dropping names. Again, I'm talking about A-listers. So I did, you've, you've done Letters Live, you know, you read letters in Royal Albert Hall. So it's a lovely like charity event. It's great. They get all these celebrities to do it.

• 27:09Speaker 02

  Sounds like Nick to the concept of what you're going to do in a minute when you read a letter for a school.

• 27:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, a little bit, but last time I was there.

• 27:15Speaker 02

  Seeing court, motherfuckers.

• 27:17Speaker 03

  But you can, you basically, you know, it's ridiculous, like, you know, Olivia Colman, Benedict Cumberbatch, and all be puts it on and they do it. They read all these amazing real life letters.

• 27:24Speaker 01

  Gorgeous.

• 27:24Speaker 03

  From all over, from every time period, all kinds of really fun things. I've done it a few times. Last time I did it was like a month ago and Laurence Fishburne was there. And I was like fanboying out. But again, A-lister, also looks so young.

• 27:37Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 27:37Speaker 03

  Like, I think he's in his.

• 27:39Speaker 02

  I was freaking out.

• 27:40Speaker 03

  But honestly, we, we were like that. And I remember the whole day I was like, um, I was like really nervous. I was like saying to Olivia Colman, I was like, God, I really want to speak to Laura, but I don't know what to say.

• 27:48Speaker 01

  Just drop another line there.

• 27:50Speaker 03

  And he had a cocktail and it was pink and I had a pink cocktail and I went, I went, same, pink. And he went, yeah.

• 27:57Speaker 03

  And then, yeah, but then I was joking about it and I was like, what's my end? But by the end of the night, best mates.

• 28:02Speaker 01

  Oh, another one.

• 28:04Speaker 03

  Again, A-lister, absolutely gorgeous guy.

• 28:07Speaker 01

  God, he's so beautiful. I love Laurence Fishburne.

• 28:09Speaker 03

  Yeah, and Boys in the Hood. And I'm a big hip hop guy and he's like, you know, he's from New York and we were talking about all this old school nineties hip hop stuff and he was just, he was just amazing.

• 28:18Speaker 02

  Here's a question. I'm sorry, Rosie, I'm totally, if you're.

• 28:20Speaker 01

  No, listen, hey, we'll talk about whatever we bloody want. So our bloody podcast.

• 28:24Speaker 02

  Have you heard Tom Hardy's new hip hop album?

• 28:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's pretty good.

• 28:28Speaker 02

  It's unbelievable.

• 28:29Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:30Speaker 01

  This, that blew my mind.

• 28:32Speaker 02

  I'm blown away.

• 28:32Speaker 03

  The only thing I would say is that he is good, but he does rap in an American accent, which is what I used to do when I was 12.

• 28:38Speaker 02

  Right, okay.

• 28:40Speaker 03

  Yeah, I thought I was Snoop Dogg when I was 12. So that's a bit like.

• 28:43Speaker 01

  But where does he live now? I guarantee he's probably in America.

• 28:47Speaker 03

  You think he's just got that?

• 28:48Speaker 01

  He might have been in America more than he's been here.

• 28:50Speaker 03

  That's true.

• 28:50Speaker 01

  He's got a Geordie wife though, hasn't he?

• 28:52Speaker 02

  Has he? Sure he's got a Geordie wife. I'm sure he's got a Geordie wife.

• 28:55Speaker 01

  Or maybe he's done, like, she's from north, she's north.

• 28:58Speaker 02

  Yeah, sure.

• 28:59Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:59Speaker 02

  Sure.

• 29:00Speaker 03

  Someone.

• 29:00Speaker 02

  Fuck check that.

• 29:01Speaker 03

  I love.

• 29:02Speaker 01

  So this whole person.

• 29:02Speaker 03

  Fuck check. I like that he said that as well.

• 29:04Speaker 02

  Someone fuck check that.

• 29:07Speaker 03

  I love the Geordie accent.

• 29:08Speaker 01

  Do you really?

• 29:09Speaker 03

  I just love Geordies.

• 29:10Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 29:10Speaker 03

  I love the culture. No, no.

• 29:12Speaker 02

  But you go quite a lot to watch matches.

• 29:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, I try, I try and go as much as I can and I'm, I just love them. I love them.

• 29:18Speaker 01

  Do you know, we used to live there. We've never left because I, I, I genuinely love where we lived, don't we?

• 29:23Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah.

• 29:24Speaker 01

  Love the people there. But you know, when it's your town, you think.

• 29:27Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 29:28Speaker 01

  But then everybody says that we're all lovely, so I'm buzzing.

• 29:30Speaker 03

  You are.

• 29:31Speaker 01

  Oh, that's so nice.

• 29:32Speaker 03

  You're a lovely bunch of people. I feel very accepted whenever I go out there.

• 29:35Speaker 02

  I get it.

• 29:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 29:36Speaker 02

  Is any Geordies in The Reluctant Vampire?

• 29:38Speaker 03

  Ross Noble.

• 29:38Speaker 01

  Oh my god.

• 29:39Speaker 02

  Oh, Ross is in it.

• 29:40Speaker 03

  Ross Noble's in The Reluctant Vampire, he's a Geordie.

• 29:43Speaker 01

  But hang on, when was the last time Ross lived in the North East?

• 29:45Speaker 02

  Ross has lived, Ross has lived all over the place. Ross has lived in Australia and everything.

• 29:48Speaker 01

  Oh, he was in Australia, he did, wasn't he?

• 29:50Speaker 02

  Yeah, so you can't even have a go at him for moving south. He moved well.

• 29:53Speaker 00

  He went underneath.

• 29:54Speaker 03

  The most southern.

• 29:55Speaker 02

  Yeah, he went under the, under the world. Yeah, love Ross.

• 29:57Speaker 03

  Yeah, he's a legend. But yeah, okay, so me and Ross.

• 30:01Speaker 02

  There is.

• 30:01Speaker 03

  One adopted Geordie and one proper Geordie. One Australian Geordie.

• 30:05Speaker 01

  Wait, um, Lenny? How's Lenny?

• 30:08Speaker 03

  Oh, Lenny's.

• 30:09Speaker 01

  Tell myself hello.

• 30:09Speaker 03

  You know, honestly, I think, um, you know, I say this to, I said this on, when I was doing an interview the other day. He, the kid's just a project. Honestly, he, he is unbelievable. And the first day I met him, he kind of came up to me in rehearsals and he was like, hey man, I'm a big fan. And then he started picking my brain on comedy. And talking about people just nothing and mockumentaries and The Office and Spinal Tap. And I'm like, he's 16.

• 30:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:34Speaker 03

  He's already won a BAFTA.

• 30:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 30:35Speaker 03

  And you're like, you know.

• 30:36Speaker 02

  He's 17 now, but yeah.

• 30:38Speaker 03

  He's 17 now, but you know, yeah, I think when I met him, he was 16, but he's just such a smart kid. And honestly, his parents are like, you just know he's been raised so well.

• 30:49Speaker 02

  Well, yeah, well, I've done Children in Need with him a couple of times. And he's just a lovely kid. I just, I absolutely love him. I wish him all, every time.

• 30:56Speaker 01

  I still see him as 13.

• 30:57Speaker 02

  Every time, by every time he comes up in something, like he's in New Slow Horses, he's obviously in Reluctant Vampire.

• 31:03Speaker 03

  He's got that Harry Potter gig as well.

• 31:05Speaker 02

  Eh? Oh, is it? Oh my god, the series?

• 31:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 31:08Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 31:09Speaker 01

  Who's he playing in that?

• 31:09Speaker 03

  I've never seen Harry Potter, but he's playing.

• 31:13Speaker 02

  Stop.

• 31:14Speaker 01

  Why?

• 31:14Speaker 02

  You've never seen a single Harry Potter movie?

• 31:15Speaker 03

  I'll tell you why. It's the same reason why I've never seen Star Wars.

• 31:18Speaker 02

  Sorry.

• 31:19Speaker 03

  Sorry, just please, just let, hear me out.

• 31:21Speaker 01

  Chris is gonna have an aneurysm.

• 31:22Speaker 03

  I will leave after this, if you want me to.

• 31:24Speaker 02

  I bet you could tell you, all, literally Alan Shearer has free kicks, but he hasn't seen Star Wars or Harry Potter. This is honestly.

• 31:30Speaker 01

  How did you get through life not watching Star Wars?

• 31:32Speaker 02

  I'm revoking your Geordie status.

• 31:34Speaker 03

  Okay, I'm sorry, but just hear me out.

• 31:35Speaker 01

  Yes, okay, come on.

• 31:36Speaker 03

  So the thing with Star Wars is that I tried to get into it at uni and I met this, I had this really annoying friend. He was like, you can't watch it in that way. And I was like, where do I start? And I was like, should I just start from the beginning? No, that'd be stupid. You can't start from the beginning. You've got to start with the Revenge of the This and then go back here and then go forward it. And I was like, you know what? Forget it.

• 31:53Speaker 01

  Com- the two com-

• 31:54Speaker 03

  I said, shut up.

• 31:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:55Speaker 03

  You're not fucking watching it. It's just so much effort.

• 31:57Speaker 01

  Shut up.

• 31:59Speaker 03

  It's kind of like, you know when people tell you to watch a series and they're like, it gets really good by series three?

• 32:04Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 32:05Speaker 03

  Series three?

• 32:06Speaker 02

  I've got no time for that.

• 32:07Speaker 03

  I've got a five month old baby. I haven't got no time for two shit.

• 32:11Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:11Speaker 03

  I can't even have a shit.

• 32:12Speaker 02

  First six episodes are a slow burn.

• 32:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 32:14Speaker 02

  Well, fucking go and tell the person who made it that he failed.

• 32:17Speaker 03

  Make a good pilot.

• 32:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 32:18Speaker 01

  Oh, what the fuck?

• 32:19Speaker 03

  Make the pilot the thing that's good.

• 32:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:21Speaker 03

  That's normally how you get people. Breaking Bad.

• 32:23Speaker 02

  Straight in.

• 32:24Speaker 03

  Straight in. Soprano, straight in.

• 32:26Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 32:26Speaker 03

  You know.

• 32:27Speaker 01

  Mention your two favourite programmes.

• 32:28Speaker 03

  Well, no.

• 32:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, of course.

• 32:30Speaker 01

  You've got them back, you've got them back.

• 32:31Speaker 03

  But, but no, no. So that's the thing with Star Wars. It just became, and I will, but I know I'll love it because I love stuff like Dune.

• 32:37Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 32:37Speaker 03

  And I know it's basically the same thing. It's, you know, an epic saga about good and evil when.

• 32:43Speaker 02

  Star Wars is a little bit more lighthearted, a bit more tongue in cheek than Dune.

• 32:45Speaker 03

  Is it?

• 32:45Speaker 02

  You've got, yeah, you've got, yeah, you know, um, Ewoks, uh, the little bears, they were in Return of the Jedi. They were like, yeah.

• 32:51Speaker 01

  It's big data now, isn't it?

• 32:52Speaker 02

  Get children, it's very data, but like, get, get children involved. And then episode one, you had Jar Jar Binks, who was a big sort, he was a gung and he, like a big sort of like frog kind of character, for want of a better phrase. But a bit more comedy, not comedy, but a little bit comic relief lighthearted. And it's Dune's dark.

• 33:08Speaker 03

  So Chris, how would, where should I start then in terms of?

• 33:12Speaker 02

  Um.

• 33:12Speaker 03

  Let's see if he loses me.

• 33:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, you're just gonna make that the same.

• 33:15Speaker 02

  There's two ways to start.

• 33:15Speaker 03

  Okay, okay.

• 33:16Speaker 02

  And I would say it's completely dealer's choice.

• 33:18Speaker 03

  Really?

• 33:18Speaker 02

  Episodically, yeah, in my opinion.

• 33:20Speaker 03

  Well, my friend was definitely not saying that. He was telling me there's only one, this way to do it. If you don't do it.

• 33:24Speaker 02

  I would personally say it's dealer's choice because I had this with my kids. So you go episodically or you go, um, release dates. So you can go episode four, five, six, then one, two, three, then, so that's it. So the trilogy, if you look at his trilogies.

• 33:38Speaker 03

  Okay.

• 33:38Speaker 02

  Four, five and six came out first. Star Wars, A New Hope, um, Star Wars, Empire Strikes Back, and then, I've lost you already.

• 33:46Speaker 03

  Yeah, I'm getting ahead of you.

• 33:47Speaker 02

  Then it went back, episode one, The Phantom Menace, then Attack of the Clones, then Revenge of the Sith, I think was the third one.

• 33:55Speaker 01

  If you want to have a nice night tonight, because we're away from the kids.

• 33:58Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 33:59Speaker 01

  Stop talking about Star Wars. And just let's stop. Just watch, just.

• 34:05Speaker 03

  Do you know what I mean though?

• 34:05Speaker 01

  Watch it from when it came out, like everybody else.

• 34:07Speaker 03

  You know when he was saying that, it made complete sense to him, but when you saw, I felt like I was having a stroke.

• 34:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 34:12Speaker 03

  Like honestly, I, I felt like my chest getting tight and I thought I was gonna shit myself and die. And that's why I haven't seen Star Wars.

• 34:19Speaker 02

  I can't, do you know what it is? As I was seeing it.

• 34:21Speaker 03

  You start with four and five and six, then you go back to the Revenge of the, it's too much for me. But I'm also terrible with numbers. So I, I'm like, I've got that thing with dyslexia with numbers. What's it called?

• 34:30Speaker 01

  Discalculus.

• 34:32Speaker 03

  Discalculus, right?

• 34:33Speaker 01

  I think I've got it as well.

• 34:33Speaker 03

  Numbers makes me like, I still haven't got a maths GCSE. I just lied.

• 34:37Speaker 02

  I went up to six.

• 34:37Speaker 03

  I retook it and failed in college. I, I can't, so numbers make me nervous. Numbers give me anxiety.

• 34:44Speaker 02

  I only went up to six.

• 34:45Speaker 01

  But it was enough to put us off. We've got discalculus.

• 34:48Speaker 02

  It's just, yeah, the four, five, six and then.

• 34:50Speaker 01

  But did you do well at English?

• 34:51Speaker 03

  Yeah, I was really good. Words I love.

• 34:53Speaker 01

  I did. I got like A's and B's in English.

• 34:56Speaker 02

  O N E. T W O.

• 34:59Speaker 03

  Oh, now I get it. And then the Harry Potter thing is just, you know, I'm, um.

• 35:03Speaker 02

  Is it the same?

• 35:04Speaker 03

  I just think trans people are fine. That's why I've never seen Harry Potter. I think they're fine. Let them crack on.

• 35:12Speaker 02

  Well, you agree.

• 35:13Speaker 03

  Well, that, I'll be honest with you, that kind of did ruin it a little bit for me. Because like, let's say like, I grew up watching Father Ted and IT crap. Loved it.

• 35:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:23Speaker 03

  Let's say I never watched it and then I only knew that that guy wrote these things. I wouldn't watch it because I'd be like, you're a prick.

• 35:28Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 35:29Speaker 03

  I'd be like, you're a nasty man. Because I haven't seen Harry Potter. It's put me off a little bit.

• 35:33Speaker 01

  I can, I can totally see where you're coming from, but also it is good.

• 35:37Speaker 03

  I know.

• 35:38Speaker 02

  Just disconnect.

• 35:38Speaker 03

  And but then it's like the whole argument of separate the art from the artist, right? Like, I love Gary Glitter songs. I'm joking. You know what it is though? No, you know what it is? Okay, like JK Rowling, that's a harder one to do. Or like, you know, like a Woody Allen or a, a Michael, like geniuses, right? And you're like, but there are, it's so incredible. Like, but then you're like, oh, but they're wrong. It's, but it's easier when it's like someone like Gary Glitter, who's like, had one good-ish song.

• 36:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:01Speaker 03

  Or like R. Kelly, you're like, well, he had one banger. I can let that go.

• 36:05Speaker 02

  But listen, you want to be in my gang, you watch Harry Potter, right? That's what I'm saying to you right now.

• 36:09Speaker 03

  What order?

• 36:09Speaker 01

  Tell your kangaroo down spot and just get on with it.

• 36:12Speaker 02

  Ralph, oh.

• 36:14Speaker 03

  The same thing with Ralph, like easy. You're like, fine, I won't listen to any of that.

• 36:17Speaker 01

  I know.

• 36:18Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 36:18Speaker 03

  What did he do? Like ding?

• 36:20Speaker 01

  Did, did you really do?

• 36:21Speaker 03

  Did you really do?

• 36:22Speaker 02

  The wobble board one, look, we're not.

• 36:23Speaker 03

  Did you really do? More like.

• 36:24Speaker 02

  I just, I watched it the weekend, so I've talked about it in every single episode. I'm really sorry.

• 36:29Speaker 03

  When you're.

• 36:29Speaker 01

  Have you not seen the documentary?

• 36:30Speaker 03

  No, sorry.

• 36:31Speaker 01

  It's grim.

• 36:32Speaker 02

  When your child, when your son is old enough, Christmas.

• 36:36Speaker 01

  Appel?

• 36:36Speaker 02

  Christmas.

• 36:37Speaker 03

  Habil.

• 36:38Speaker 02

  Alan.

• 36:39Speaker 03

  Habil.

• 36:39Speaker 02

  Let's call him Alan. When Alan is old enough.

• 36:41Speaker 03

  Yeah, Alan.

• 36:42Speaker 02

  Um.

• 36:42Speaker 01

  Alan.

• 36:43Speaker 02

  We'll watch, you can, I just invited myself there. We'll watch, we'll, we'll all go around your house. No, at Christmas, you can watch the Harry Potter, they're amazing Christmas movies when your kids are younger.

• 36:51Speaker 03

  It's like, the premise of Harry Potter has kind of reminded me of Matilda, like, you know, the bullied kid in the beginning?

• 36:56Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 36:56Speaker 03

  And then they have this magic about them. I love it. It's a great message as well.

• 37:01Speaker 01

  Isn't it sad? Isn't like fucking, just just fucking ruined and you're like, oh my god.

• 37:05Speaker 02

  I've stopped saying people are nice. So then it asks me, how, how was, how was I saying, I was saying, as, at the point of me making this statement, he was a nice guy.

• 37:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 37:16Speaker 02

  I date stamped them. I go, no, I don't. But imagine, I'm, I'm fucking terrified. Everybody, you know, I was, oh, yeah. And then somebody comes out about that. You can't, you can't even say, you can't, you know, you can't recommend anything to anyone anymore.

• 37:28Speaker 03

  The only person I hope is still clean is Sir David Attenborough.

• 37:32Speaker 02

  And you wouldn't say David Attenborough?

• 37:33Speaker 01

  No, I just said, come on, like.

• 37:34Speaker 03

  Oh, I thought you said mum.

• 37:35Speaker 01

  Oh, David At-

• 37:36Speaker 03

  He said your mum.

• 37:37Speaker 02

  No, no, she's filthy.

• 37:38Speaker 01

  She's fucked up.

• 37:39Speaker 03

  Yeah, no, she's fucked. Habil.

• 37:41Speaker 01

  Habil.

• 37:42Speaker 03

  Habil. And she puts some phlegm in it.

• 37:44Speaker 01

  Habil.

• 37:45Speaker 03

  Habil. I'm like, it's able mum. It's able. Habil. I'm like wiping the spit off.

• 37:53Speaker 03

  Like a Scouse Arab. Imagine that, a Scouse Arab. It's a lot of phlegm.

• 37:58Speaker 01

  That's so funny.

• 37:59Speaker 03

  That's a lot of phlegm, a Scouse Arab.

• 38:03Speaker 00

  Whenever fall comes back around, it always feels like a fresh start. This year, I've been layering in some styles from the new Lululemon fall drop. Because the weather is shifting and I find I have to be ready for the entire day and not just one part of it. Lululemon's fall line has some really versatile transitional pieces. So I can just wake up, throw on a matching set, add a jacket or a fleece and head out, knowing that I'll feel comfortable enough to go wherever the day takes me. Check out the new fall arrivals in store and online now at lululemon.com.

• 38:33Speaker 05

  Kayak searches and compares hundreds of travel sites. But unless I repeat the word kayak, Kayak thinks you won't remember that. So Kayak asked me to say kayak as many times as possible. Kayak. Kayak. Kayak. Kayak. Kayak. Kayak. Kai. Ooh. Ak. Kai, Kai, Kai, Kai, kayak. Kayak, kayak, kayak. Search, compare and save on your trip. Kayak. Got that right.

• 39:03Speaker 04

  Honey, that flu keeping you up? Yeah, I don't got this. You need Nyquil Intense Flu. Undo your flu symptoms with Nyquil Intense Flu. The nighttime sniffling, aching, aching.

• 39:13Speaker 01

  Fever, best sleep with the flu, medicine. You do got this. Uses directed, keep out of reach of children.

• 39:19Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 39:19Speaker 02

  David Attenborough is the one who everyone.

• 39:21Speaker 03

  I just hope.

• 39:22Speaker 01

  God, come on.

• 39:23Speaker 03

  Please let him.

• 39:24Speaker 02

  Nah, I think, I think we're fine. I think we're safe.

• 39:26Speaker 03

  You think so?

• 39:27Speaker 02

  I think we're safe.

• 39:28Speaker 03

  Because I think.

• 39:28Speaker 02

  I think we're safe.

• 39:29Speaker 03

  And I know he will never die, but if he does die, because he won't die, but if he does, God forbid, he will be like, he'll be on our fifty pound note. Like, he should be.

• 39:39Speaker 01

  I hope so.

• 39:40Speaker 03

  Because he's like, I think he's one of the most important, like, men to have ever lived. Like, if you think about what.

• 39:46Speaker 01

  In this, I mean, how old is he? He's a hundred.

• 39:48Speaker 03

  He's a hundred.

• 39:49Speaker 02

  More important than Alan Shearer.

• 39:51Speaker 03

  But shall I tell you why? Because think about it, let's say everyone's work was wiped out of this world. Star Wars gone, Harry Potter gone, Alan Shearer highlights gone, right? And we only had the work of David Attenborough left for the next whatever alien people came and said, what is this world about? That would be enough to like restart.

• 40:11Speaker 03

  Do you know what I mean? It'll be like, oh, you've got the wildlife and nature. Well, in a way.

• 40:15Speaker 02

  He might be God.

• 40:16Speaker 03

  You know, like, his work is that.

• 40:19Speaker 01

  Soothes me, you know, there's something, because I watched him as a kid.

• 40:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 40:21Speaker 01

  When I hear his voice, there's something so nostalgic about it.

• 40:25Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 40:25Speaker 01

  And it's so night, just even just hearing, just on anything, and I get this warm feeling through my body of just being a kid and in my house and watching.

• 40:36Speaker 03

  And every generation, like, our grandparents, like, even our, maybe our great great, you know, he's the only person in the world ever to have made a show in every single format of television. Like, every, every format.

• 40:47Speaker 02

  Really?

• 40:47Speaker 03

  Yeah, it's like, from the very start.

• 40:50Speaker 01

  From when it started.

• 40:50Speaker 03

  Yeah, from radio all the way to every format. And, you know, he was also a commissioner at the BBC. He commissioned, like, Monty Python. Yeah, people don't know about this, about this guy.

• 41:01Speaker 02

  No idea.

• 41:01Speaker 03

  Yeah, he had, he was a big comedy commissioner for the BBC. He's responsible for some of the greatest comedies as well.

• 41:06Speaker 01

  I mean, this, the D I found out that his brother was in Jurassic Park.

• 41:10Speaker 03

  Yeah. I know.

• 41:11Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 41:12Speaker 03

  Well, I, I.

• 41:13Speaker 01

  Blew my goddammit.

• 41:14Speaker 03

  I met him once, when I was working my normal job in, in Chiswick, in this business partner. He came, because he lives in Richmond or Kew, and he came, he did a little talk at work. And I remember I, I, I put my hand up and asked the question. And so around my, my, me and my boys, we called him D Bro, right? It was a nickname back in the day, where when we used to like, we'd watch your show, we'd like put some D Bro on. Because it was soothing and it's perfect, like, you know, and we would, we'd watch it and be like, why did the, how did the birds know where to go, bro? They just know. You know, like, real stoner shit, you know, like, fuck's mad, bro.

• 41:48Speaker 03

  And, and, and I, and I put my hand up really nervous and I went, um, can I just ask you a question? I go, um, me and my friends, we, we, we watch your show and we call you D Bro. If you, do, do you mind if I call you? And he went, I quite like that name, actually. And I was like, oh. Adopted me, man.

• 42:06Speaker 01

  Oh, no, he's so cute.

• 42:07Speaker 03

  I think he's unbelievable. I think he's one of the greatest humans to have ever lived, honestly.

• 42:12Speaker 02

  Wow.

• 42:12Speaker 03

  I think he's that.

• 42:13Speaker 01

  For your sake, I really hope that.

• 42:15Speaker 02

  So, I know it's said, his childhood hero was Alan Shea, his hero was Alan Shearer. Can we fucking change this? He's not said hardly anything about Alan Shearer. He's banged on about D Bro nonstop.

• 42:27Speaker 03

  No, I do love D Bro. Yeah, I hope, let's just hope he's clean.

• 42:30Speaker 02

  He must be, come on.

• 42:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's not changing.

• 42:32Speaker 02

  Terrible.

• 42:32Speaker 01

  God, what, oh, God, it makes me so fucking sad.

• 42:35Speaker 02

  Makes me so sad. This one, even. Always blokes you know, how does it feel? It's horrible, isn't it?

• 42:38Speaker 03

  They're all trash.

• 42:39Speaker 02

  It's always a, I'm like, what the, come on, man.

• 42:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 42:42Speaker 02

  Honestly.

• 42:42Speaker 01

  Not all of yours, and I've got two sons, so I, I've, I've really.

• 42:45Speaker 02

  Honestly, big, big Ghislaine Maxwell fan, just because for a moment she leveled the playing field, for a fucking moment.

• 42:50Speaker 03

  But you know what's so sad about even that? Is that she's the only one who's been arrested.

• 42:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know.

• 42:55Speaker 03

  And all these disgusting men are responsible for so much shit. She's still a scumbag, but I'm like.

• 43:01Speaker 01

  She's the only one in prison.

• 43:02Speaker 03

  The only one in prison, the woman.

• 43:04Speaker 02

  Men are trash.

• 43:06Speaker 03

  Plenty of few left.

• 43:07Speaker 02

  Yeah, they've even trashed her as well, yeah. God almighty.

• 43:09Speaker 01

  No, I'm, I've got a theory. I've got a big, just, just when time began, I think men were just so like, oh my God, women can have children and they're just so much, actually so much more powerful than us. What, we've got to keep them down. Like, genuinely, through, throughout the gen, yeah, we've got to keep them down because actually, they could just stick us in a cupboard, wank us off, they don't need us. We don't need.

• 43:34Speaker 03

  Not even that anymore.

• 43:35Speaker 02

  Can I volunteer for the cupboard and then wank us off?

• 43:37Speaker 01

  Not anymore.

• 43:38Speaker 02

  I'll be all right for that, yeah, I'll do that. Can I just do that?

• 43:40Speaker 01

  Well, feed us and keep us alive because that's our mother nature.

• 43:43Speaker 02

  Can I get through the wall, through the wall of the cupboard? Can I get one of them, you know, the bottles that hamsters have got where you just lick the ball beer in? You lick the ball beer in and a little bit of water comes through.

• 43:50Speaker 01

  What do you want in horse?

• 43:51Speaker 03

  You've got to stay hydrated if you're getting, if you're being wanked off.

• 43:53Speaker 02

  Put some, I'll put some orange Lucozade in that and then just, just wank us off.

• 43:56Speaker 03

  The lion, the wank and the wardrobe.

• 43:59Speaker 02

  Great work.

• 44:00Speaker 03

  Get it? Come on.

• 44:00Speaker 02

  Absolutely great work. So good.

• 44:03Speaker 03

  D Bro, we're proud of that.

• 44:04Speaker 02

  The laughter stopped because the admiration took over.

• 44:06Speaker 03

  I know.

• 44:07Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:07Speaker 01

  Very good.

• 44:08Speaker 03

  It's good visual though, with the Lucozade coming in.

• 44:10Speaker 02

  Thank you very much.

• 44:10Speaker 01

  That's my, that's my belief and I'm sticking by it. Uh, you've got a story for us, by the way.

• 44:14Speaker 03

  All right, okay.

• 44:15Speaker 01

  Thank you so much. Do you cycle, by the way? I don't want to be rude here, but your, your calf muscles are fantastic.

• 44:21Speaker 03

  Yeah, my, well, the thing is, this is the only bit of muscle in my whole body and it's because it's got to carry all this girth.

• 44:26Speaker 02

  Carfs are genetic.

• 44:27Speaker 03

  I walk a lot.

• 44:28Speaker 01

  I was going to, you can tell.

• 44:30Speaker 02

  Carfs are genetic. Yeah, I read a thing recently, yeah, but the, yes, I could walk as much as in my mind would never look that good because the.

• 44:37Speaker 03

  My dad's a little pussy though.

• 44:39Speaker 02

  Uh, it skips a generation, just like Talia.

• 44:43Speaker 01

  No, I'm, I don't want to be, we've got, we've got.

• 44:45Speaker 03

  No, I know, and actually, I was, um, you know, Joel Linton, you know Joel Linton? Joel Linton, a Newcastle player.

• 44:50Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:51Speaker 03

  So his calves are insane.

• 44:53Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:53Speaker 03

  And I used to have a Newcastle football podcast called The Adopted Jordies. I only did ten episodes and I quit because I always start things and then don't go for one of them. But I interviewed Eddie Howe and I went to the Newcastle training ground and I didn't like it because of that very reason I told you about seeing behind the curtain.

• 45:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:10Speaker 03

  And it made me feel a bit icky, it gave me the ick, but for myself, because I was like, oh, you're such a, like, you're just a little big, begging it.

• 45:17Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:17Speaker 03

  Like, oh, I'm a Newcastle fan, they love me. And I saw Jo, Joel Linton and I saw his calves.

• 45:22Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 45:22Speaker 03

  And I wanted to have a calf off with him. And that was going to be part of a segment of the podcast, but I put it out because here's what fucking he wants. He's like, mine are not that, they, I'm just fat. It's just girth.

• 45:32Speaker 01

  You've got great, literally, if you can see them.

• 45:34Speaker 03

  Only a bit of muscle on my whole body, promise you.

• 45:36Speaker 02

  Can I just, can I just, anyone, I don't know how many people listening or watching spotted it, but maybe skip back just forty or fifty seconds and Rosie literally said, like, the fucking wolf from Red Riding Hood, what good calves you have.

• 45:48Speaker 01

  What good calves you have, sir.

• 45:51Speaker 02

  You literally phrased it in those exact words, like a nurse, like a nurse's story.

• 45:55Speaker 01

  I don't want to be pervy though, because I think it can work both ways. If you're not allowed perv on us, we're not allowed perv on you.

• 46:00Speaker 02

  No, no, it's just admiration of a man's calf.

• 46:02Speaker 03

  That's the best thing that you could say to me, because I do love my calves. And I even say to my wife, because she used to fancy Jack Grealish, who also has massive calves.

• 46:10Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 46:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 46:11Speaker 01

  It's thighs.

• 46:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, and I used to be like, babe, you've got Jack Grealish at home, you know? And sometimes I'll just do that to my wife and I'll just go up to her, I go, look at that, and she'll go, wow. And I'd be like, muscly, innit?

• 46:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, nice.

• 46:23Speaker 03

  It's the only bit of my body I like, so it's like, you definitely.

• 46:26Speaker 01

  Well, I'm glad I noticed it.

• 46:28Speaker 03

  Thank you very much. You know, men.

• 46:29Speaker 02

  No.

• 46:30Speaker 03

  Well, they are trash, but also men, we never forget a compliment.

• 46:33Speaker 02

  No, we don't.

• 46:34Speaker 03

  Because like, you know, women are beautiful, they're these beautiful things, creatures, and, you know, you get loads of compliments, rightly so. I honestly, I could probably remember every compliment, I'll remember that forever. No, honestly, it's.

• 46:46Speaker 02

  It's mid, sure wish.

• 46:47Speaker 03

  It doesn't even have to come from a woman. Even, I remember a man came up to me once, I was in Oslo and I was doing a film and I had this really weird moustache, I looked like a nonce, right? And I don't like, you know, I just looked like a dodgy weird guy. And I was really self-conscious, because I was like, you know, I was in character for a film and I didn't like going out, I was like, I look so weird, I look like the Pringles man. Full hair, curly moustache, and my wife was like, you look fine, you look. A guy came up to me and he was like, hey, man, I really love your style, man. And I was like, first I thought he was taking the piss, but he was really being sincere. And he was like, you're rocking it, bro. And I was like, oh, thank you, bro. And it made my, and I'll never forget that.

• 47:20Speaker 01

  I think, I think genuine, real compliments, that's why I try and do it. If I, if I genuinely really like something that someone's wearing, or if I think some, I, I will tell them, because I think, you know what?

• 47:29Speaker 03

  Give people their flowers while they can still smell them. Oh, there's a fly right there, talking about smelling.

• 47:34Speaker 02

  Wow, you really killed that, you really killed that at the end by wafting a fly away. That was such a lovely thing.

• 47:38Speaker 03

  I know what I do, I was about to go right into my. Can I tell you a quick story about that? So my little sister, she's eighteen now, and her dad is not around, so I've done a lot of the dad stuff with her and I, you know, got my training, dad training by being around her for her. When she was younger, she was really shy, she used to get bullied in school and very sensitive girl, she's like a lot better now. But she used to do this thing where like, we'd be out and I'm like you, I'd go up to someone and I'd be like, hey, man, I really like those trainers. And then she used to be a little bit like, oh my God, that's so embarrassing, stop it, right? But I told her, look, I said, if the, if the, if the, if the compliment is sincere.

• 48:10Speaker 01

  It's got to be sincere.

• 48:11Speaker 03

  It's got to be sincere, it can make someone's day.

• 48:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:14Speaker 03

  And I remember she, she, I started thinking more, I remember this girl came in and she had this amazing jacket on, but she had a bit of a, a screw face when she came in, like that, she was like. And I went up to her and I went, your jacket's amazing. It had this hand-sewn embroidery on it and her face just completely changed. Oh, my God. From that horrible kind of frown she had, completely light. And then my sister saw that and she went, she, my sister was probably around nine or ten at this point. And she came up to me one day and she went, she went, she calls me by John, which means brother in my life. She went, by John, she goes, you know that thing you do where you go up and you speak to people and you say compliments? And I was like, yeah. She was like, I, I want to do that too. She was like, but I'm just a bit shy. She's like, so I'm going to write people notes and just hand them notes if I, if I like something they've got on. And I went, that's cute.

• 48:55Speaker 03

  So then we were in McDonald's a little bit later on and she, she goes up to this girl and she gives her a little note and she went, like her bag. And the girl, you know, she comes back and runs and sits on the table and the girl picks up the note and it says, I like your bag. She turns around, she sees me.

• 49:11Speaker 03

  And she's like, what the fuck? And I'm like, no, no, no.

• 49:14Speaker 03

  Completely backfiring, she's got her bag and just left. And I was like, oh my God, I literally looked like a rapist, thank you.

• 49:25Speaker 03

  Imagine turning around, he's a fat bald guy going.

• 49:29Speaker 01

  Nice bag. Oh no.

• 49:32Speaker 02

  You're right, because Joel Wicks, I was gonna say before, Joel Wicks, the last, last time we did all these episodes, Joel Wicks told me that I looked lean. He literally was like, bro, you're looking lean.

• 49:39Speaker 03

  Right.

• 49:40Speaker 02

  Honestly, mate, I've had an erection ever since. How fast the cupboard mags have been since he said that. Seconds, seconds.

• 49:47Speaker 03

  Brilliant. It's nice. It is very nice.

• 49:49Speaker 01

  It is nice.

• 49:51Speaker 03

  Right, shall I, shall I read this?

• 49:52Speaker 02

  Yes, sir, yes, sir.

• 49:53Speaker 01

  Yes, please.

• 49:53Speaker 03

  Okay, oh, it's this way, okay.

• 49:54Speaker 01

  Nice bag.

• 49:56Speaker 02

  Nice bag.

• 49:58Speaker 01

  I mean, luckily it was nice bag, not like nice fit, nice smile, I suppose. Nice tits, imagine.

• 50:04Speaker 02

  And what, his sister's gonna write nice tits for someone? What's wrong with you?

• 50:07Speaker 01

  I know, I met your sister.

• 50:08Speaker 02

  So, wrong, wrong naughty, that's not the other naughty, sorry.

• 50:11Speaker 03

  Nice tits. Um, okay.

• 50:14Speaker 01

  Oh, God.

• 50:14Speaker 03

  Dear Chris and Rosie, please keep me anonymous. I wanted to share a story from my life as an A and E nurse that I never expected to be part of my job description.

• 50:24Speaker 01

  Love, love, love the nurse stories.

• 50:26Speaker 03

  It's gonna be good. A gentleman came into A and E with a foreign body stuck up his bottom.

• 50:31Speaker 02

  Of course he did.

• 50:32Speaker 03

  Foreign body. Oh, right. I thought you meant like an actual foreigner.

• 50:36Speaker 02

  Tell him to get in.

• 50:37Speaker 03

  Little Ali's gone up there again.

• 50:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah. On the straight, straight up on the ferry, straight over.

• 50:43Speaker 03

  Stop the boats, right up your arse.

• 50:45Speaker 02

  Yeah, it's not the blokes on the ferry with people up their arses. That's Britain, Britain.

• 50:49Speaker 03

  It's leathery, aren't they, those immigrants? Get right up your arse. Um, okay. A gentleman came into A and E with a foreign body stuck up his bottom.

• 50:57Speaker 01

  Not, not foreign.

• 50:58Speaker 03

  Not, yeah, not the reformed type of, stop the boats, foreign body, up his bottom and was, uh, and was awaiting transfer to another hospital for colorectal surgery. Co- colectural, co- wait. Colorect- colorectal surgery, sorry.

• 51:14Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 51:15Speaker 02

  Colorectal. I didn't want it, yeah, this is how I wheelhouse. I didn't want to correct you there, but this is.

• 51:18Speaker 03

  Colorectal surgery, sorry. Um, because I was just reading that and I just, it felt like, it felt like saying coloured again. I just thought it was being racist again. That's where my mind went. Coloured rectal surgery, yeah. Well, there is a foreigner. There's a foreigner up there who got to get a coloured rectal.

• 51:36Speaker 01

  Stop.

• 51:36Speaker 03

  Get the coloured boy out of there now.

• 51:38Speaker 01

  Oh, God.

• 51:41Speaker 03

  Sorry. Okay. Colorectal surgery. While I was awaiting to transfer him, he came over to me and said, I'm just gonna go home. The situation has resolved itself.

• 51:52Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 51:53Speaker 03

  I was left wondering exactly what that meant. I went back to his cubicle only to look in the toilet and discover a foreign body floating in there.

• 52:04Speaker 03

  What was it?

• 52:06Speaker 02

  This is all got it, wow.

• 52:07Speaker 01

  It's come out.

• 52:08Speaker 02

  It's come out. It's floating. It's not a food stuff or anything like that because it would have, it would have disintegrated or started to rot away or whatever.

• 52:17Speaker 01

  It's a glass, a glass bottle, maybe?

• 52:18Speaker 03

  Hmm. Does all food disintegrate, though?

• 52:22Speaker 02

  Hmm.

• 52:24Speaker 03

  No hints there, but.

• 52:26Speaker 01

  Does all food disintegrate, he said?

• 52:27Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 52:28Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 52:29Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 52:29Speaker 03

  Sweet con does it.

• 52:30Speaker 02

  Oh, you threw me off. Well, it's not.

• 52:31Speaker 01

  Corn on the cob.

• 52:32Speaker 02

  Is it a corn on the cob?

• 52:33Speaker 03

  No, it's not corn on the cob, but I'm just, I'm using that as an example.

• 52:35Speaker 02

  Yeah, is it, this is totally, this is just come from Norway, I don't know why. Is it a chess piece?

• 52:40Speaker 03

  No.

• 52:41Speaker 02

  Okay. Sometimes I slam dunk them out of Norway.

• 52:43Speaker 03

  I'll give you a clue. I, my head looks like one.

• 52:50Speaker 01

  A walnut.

• 52:52Speaker 03

  Sorry, what? An onion? Close. So, think about, yeah, something round and it came out whole.

• 53:00Speaker 02

  I don't.

• 53:00Speaker 03

  And it is a food item, I will say that.

• 53:02Speaker 02

  Oh, it's a food item.

• 53:02Speaker 03

  It is a food item. No. Not far off, though.

• 53:06Speaker 02

  Rosie, Rosie, we need to stop. This is just a list of insults now. This is just reading bad.

• 53:10Speaker 03

  No, I like it. Keep going. A big sack of shit. A big, like, bag filled with shit, maybe? That smells.

• 53:20Speaker 01

  Bag of rubbish.

• 53:21Speaker 03

  A foreign body filled with shit.

• 53:24Speaker 02

  No, it's a, it's a.

• 53:26Speaker 01

  Just say, what is it? What is it?

• 53:28Speaker 03

  It was a potato.

• 53:31Speaker 03

  Come on, look at me.

• 53:37Speaker 03

  All right, don't laugh that much. You're like, God, you were spot on, you were saying it looks like him.

• 53:42Speaker 01

  Look, look at him, you can see it.

• 53:44Speaker 03

  It's a potato. I've got a potato head. So round my head. Okay, so.

• 53:49Speaker 01

  Why didn't we say potato?

• 53:51Speaker 02

  I don't know.

• 53:51Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 53:52Speaker 03

  Never in my, because you think about that, so that, okay, wait. Never in my life did I think that after going to university, getting a degree and doing advanced training, I would find myself trying to fish a potato out of a toilet that had previously been stuck in someone's rectum.

• 54:06Speaker 01

  Jesus Christ. New potato or baking potato?

• 54:10Speaker 03

  I don't know.

• 54:10Speaker 01

  This is what we're at.

• 54:11Speaker 03

  Doesn't specify.

• 54:13Speaker 01

  Little Mars Piper.

• 54:14Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:15Speaker 02

  Amazing.

• 54:16Speaker 03

  People put a lot of weird stuff up their bums, don't they?

• 54:18Speaker 02

  We've heard all of them.

• 54:19Speaker 03

  What about?

• 54:19Speaker 02

  We've heard all of them.

• 54:20Speaker 01

  We do, it's insane.

• 54:22Speaker 02

  As they say, I think we should start, we should, every time we do one of these, we should say that thing that someone said on the last one, which was, um, a doctor said, he doesn't care what you put it up there, just tie a string round it so you can get it back out and don't have to waste his time.

• 54:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, what a waste, what a waste on NHS, already stretched.

• 54:38Speaker 02

  Surgery, for fuck's sake. Surgery, not as stretched as his arse, there was a potato in there. Thanks for coming, man.

• 54:44Speaker 01

  That's the end, that's the end.

• 54:45Speaker 03

  Oh, is that the end? Thank you very much.

• 54:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, so hopefully everyone will now come and watch on YouTube just to see what your head looks like today.

• 54:50Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 54:51Speaker 01

  See if you actually look like a potato.

• 54:52Speaker 02

  Head and calves. I mean, we've done some visuals.

• 54:54Speaker 01

  And all, look, look at them, Mark. Can't stop looking at them. Honestly.

• 54:58Speaker 02

  God, oh, mate.

• 54:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:00Speaker 03

  Yeah, get them on Only Carves.

• 55:03Speaker 03

  Got one subscriber already. My wife won't. My wife's not bothered. She goes, wow.

• 55:10Speaker 02

  Mate, what a pleasure to chat. Lovely to meet you. Thank you for coming on, Chris and Rosie. Thanks very much.

• 55:15Speaker 01

  Oh, that was so much fun. Gosh, I'm crying laughing.

• 55:23Speaker 00

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