Please Keep Me Anonymous with Rosie Jones

On this week’s podcast Chris and Rosie are joined by the brilliant writer, actor and comedian Rosie Jones! Rosie is on to talk about her Edinburgh show that is running for the whole of the fringe! They also discuss eating and drinking habits during the festival and why Rosie is down to one drink per week. They discuss what Rosie would have done if she wasn’t a comedian and what it felt like hearing Jimmy Carr tell a joke she’d written! All of this plus a Please Keep Me Anonymous story that sparks a debate in the studio! To book tickets to Rosie’s Edinburgh run visit rosiejonescomedy.com If you want to get involved and have your stories and voice notes included on the podcast, then get in touch! : [email protected] : 07874 406650 You can watch the podcast on the Shagged Married Annoyed YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/@shagged.married.annoyed Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

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• 0:30Speaker 01

  Hi, you're listening to Shagmagnoid, please keep me anonymous.

• 0:33Speaker 02

  Part of the Shagmagnoid Extended Universe. We are joined this week by the fantastically funny Rosie Jones. Had a hell of a chat, didn't we?

• 0:43Speaker 01

  Genuinely so nice to actually get to know her because I've never had a proper conversation with her. I've watched her on every television programme under the sun.

• 0:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, everywhere.

• 0:52Speaker 01

  Because that girl is booked and blessed.

• 0:54Speaker 02

  Booked and blessed.

• 0:55Speaker 01

  So funny, so funny.

• 0:57Speaker 02

  And she's going back to the Edinburgh Fringe this year for the first time in seven years with a show called I Can't Tell What She's Seeing, which is a phenomenal title. Should be at Pleasance Courtyard Cabaret Bar from the 5th of August till the 30th of August, not the 17th. That's the day off. Back in my day, you didn't have a day off. Lazy Rosie, but whatever. At 4pm. RosieJonesComedy.com for tickets. Just had a great chat, she's so funny, so lovely, had a lovely time.

• 1:22Speaker 01

  Me too.

• 1:23Speaker 02

  Enjoy.

• 1:42Speaker 01

  What are you doing, the full run? Oh my god. I didn't think you were, I thought you were, oh wow, alright.

• 1:49Speaker 02

  So you're not doing a Now I'm Famous limited run?

• 1:52Speaker 01

  Oh, see?

• 1:53Speaker 02

  An Ed Gamble work in progress?

• 1:59Speaker 01

  Oh, do you know what it is? You're like, yeah. See, she's the real deal. Because you could have, you could have just gone and done six nights.

• 2:08Speaker 03

  And done eating.

• 2:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, I know.

• 2:12Speaker 03

  A little bit.

• 2:13Speaker 02

  I haven't done it for years. God, I think my last year was probably, gosh, 2013 maybe?

• 2:22Speaker 01

  Yeah. Oh, no, no, no, no. Actually...

• 2:25Speaker 02

  And that was a limited run?

• 2:26Speaker 01

  Robin was born, we got married 2014.

• 2:29Speaker 02

  I didn't, I've never done it since, no, I never did it when I had kids.

• 2:32Speaker 01

  Are you sure?

• 2:32Speaker 02

  Never done the Edinburgh Fringe when I had kids, no.

• 2:34Speaker 01

  But didn't you do one of them really horrible, sort of just like, I'm famous now, I'm just doing two nights?

• 2:39Speaker 02

  Yeah, and I wasn't even famous. It was fucking empty.

• 2:42Speaker 01

  No, you did, you did. What are you doing, Rosie, hang on? Pleasance Courtyard, nice. Which one? Is that what it's called?

• 2:50Speaker 03

  The Cabaret Bar, which I really love. In the centre bit. But I love it that I feel so creative and I make sure that I say three or four other shows every day.

• 3:15Speaker 02

  Like a fucking reviewer? My god. No, I'm saying, that's like a reviewer schedule, three or four shows a day, that's crazy.

• 3:23Speaker 03

  I love it though. I just think I got the best job in the world. Just to make people laugh. But then I love watching other people and going, oh yeah, you can do it that way.

• 3:50Speaker 01

  Is there anyone who you're really looking forward to seeing?

• 3:54Speaker 03

  One of my very good friends is Helen Bauer.

• 4:01Speaker 01

  Helen Bauer.

• 4:02Speaker 03

  And if you don't know, look her up, she's, she got the biggest personality out there and she's doing a work in progress. And that always excites me to see a comic working it out on stage.

• 4:31Speaker 02

  So you're gonna go and see at the beginning of the work in progress run and then at the end of the progress run? And see how it goes? That would be my worst nightmare, doing a work in progress run and thinking comics could come at the beginning and the end. And the worst bit being them going at the end. You didn't fucking change a thing. This is the same as day one. It's all progress.

• 4:51Speaker 03

  If anything, you've gone backwards.

• 4:59Speaker 02

  This is worse on the, oh, that would be such a, oh no.

• 5:04Speaker 01

  Are you, are you gonna party or are you gonna take it easy? How are you feeling?

• 5:10Speaker 03

  Well, I did my first full run in 2017 and my show was 3pm to 4. And at 4pm I would have a triple rum every day.

• 5:32Speaker 01

  Triple rum?

• 5:33Speaker 02

  4pm triple rum?

• 5:35Speaker 01

  Straight or with, it's straight, it's straight triple rum? What are you saying?

• 5:41Speaker 03

  It's the only thing I enjoy straight.

• 5:47Speaker 01

  I've not got rum.

• 5:48Speaker 03

  And then I will carry on drinking all night. That year, I don't got smoking.

• 5:59Speaker 02

  I'm not surprised.

• 6:01Speaker 01

  You've got to have a tab with the rum.

• 6:03Speaker 02

  Got to take a taste of the rum out of your mouth.

• 6:07Speaker 03

  But a lot has changed in 10 years. I still like a drink, but at the moment, I'm only drinking one alcoholic drink a week. And I love it. I choose it, it's an occasion, so I think I'll carry that on at the Fringe.

• 6:42Speaker 02

  Was it a pint of rum?

• 6:44Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah. Just every week.

• 6:50Speaker 01

  I think you should treat yourself and I think you should have two a week.

• 6:54Speaker 03

  Maybe, maybe.

• 6:58Speaker 02

  As a comedian who's done the Fringe numerous times, and I know you, and I know who you hang around with, and I know you like a drink, there is no way on this fucking earth, so you're telling me you're gonna have four drinks at the Fringe? No chance.

• 7:11Speaker 01

  I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

• 7:12Speaker 02

  Four drinks at the Fringe, you have got no chance, mate.

• 7:16Speaker 01

  There's no way.

• 7:17Speaker 03

  I'm gonna, you know, I always sit on the train to Edinburgh and I go, I'm not gonna drink, I'm gonna join the gym, I'm gonna eat through every day.

• 7:40Speaker 01

  No, doesn't happen.

• 7:43Speaker 02

  Everyone does.

• 7:44Speaker 01

  You'll be at that burger van every day.

• 7:48Speaker 03

  Have you ever been to Palme d'Or?

• 7:52Speaker 02

  Yes.

• 7:53Speaker 03

  In Edinburgh?

• 7:54Speaker 01

  What is it?

• 7:55Speaker 03

  A kebab shop.

• 7:58Speaker 01

  Oh, okay, nice.

• 7:59Speaker 03

  I might not be drinking alcohol, but best to be sure that I'm having my daily kebabs.

• 8:10Speaker 02

  Chicken schwarmers.

• 8:12Speaker 01

  Proper kebab meat, like on the...

• 8:14Speaker 02

  Chicken schwarmers and that, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 8:16Speaker 01

  Oh, you've got to be done, treat yourself, treat yourself.

• 8:20Speaker 02

  I've got a revelation for you, I don't think it's gonna be as nice when you're sober.

• 8:27Speaker 02

  A kebab is very much a four rooms and onwards.

• 8:30Speaker 01

  Rosie, fuck that. You're gonna, no, see? Oh, I'm sorry, you're gonna be devastated.

• 8:36Speaker 03

  Oh god. Last year I went one further and I had a doner kebab pizza.

• 8:47Speaker 01

  Oh, nice.

• 8:50Speaker 03

  Well, I was drunk, so I think it was it.

• 8:58Speaker 01

  I've, I'm not a big kebab fan.

• 9:00Speaker 02

  No.

• 9:01Speaker 01

  I know, I, I, oh god.

• 9:08Speaker 01

  I just, no, and it's not because I'm not, like, I love shitty food, I'm not trying to be a snob, yeah, I'm not like, oh no, it's just not my cup of tea, it leaves a funny taste in your mouth, I think. Do you not find after, you're like...

• 9:22Speaker 02

  I think she, I think Rosie thinks that's the best bit.

• 9:24Speaker 01

  Okay, fair enough.

• 9:26Speaker 03

  But also it is all about the sauces.

• 9:31Speaker 01

  Well, I'm, yeah, okay, I'm a sucker for garlic sauce.

• 9:34Speaker 03

  You just need to soak it in garlic.

• 9:39Speaker 01

  Right, fair enough, fair enough. But do you know what I had for the first time last year? I had a chicken tikka pizza.

• 9:49Speaker 01

  It was, it was like, the curry, do you know the chicken tikka you get, the curry?

• 9:53Speaker 02

  Bright red.

• 9:54Speaker 01

  Bright red, it was on top of the pizza. I didn't stop thinking about it for about six months.

• 9:58Speaker 03

  Really?

• 9:59Speaker 01

  I swear, I haven't had it since, but it was, oh my god.

• 10:02Speaker 02

  Yeah, I remember when you had it, it went on about forever.

• 10:04Speaker 01

  It was so good.

• 10:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 10:05Speaker 03

  I say, I have no trouble about chicken on a pizza.

• 10:11Speaker 02

  Really?

• 10:12Speaker 01

  But you'd eat kebab on a pizza. Oh, I don't know about a bit, a little bit of chicken, but I'll just have a plate while I go.

• 10:22Speaker 02

  Something about the kebab meat, the fact that they've got to shave it off the initial bit that it's on, really always makes us feel a bit weird.

• 10:28Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:29Speaker 02

  Do you know what I mean?

• 10:30Speaker 03

  No, I don't even want to know how it gets on there.

• 10:38Speaker 01

  No, I know, and you don't know what it is, really. But it's fine, no, people love kebab, let's not, I don't want to ruin...

• 10:45Speaker 02

  We all know.

• 10:46Speaker 03

  Let's not kebab shame.

• 10:50Speaker 01

  Exactly. This isn't the place to be doing it. What time is your show this, oh, 4 o'clock?

• 10:56Speaker 02

  Oh, 4 o'clock?

• 10:57Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 10:59Speaker 01

  You've shifted it one hour.

• 11:03Speaker 03

  You know what, this says a lot about where I am in my career. That I was like, I will do the full run, I love it, I'll enjoy it. But what, I don't want my show to get in the way of my enjoyment. And so I'll get it done and then from 5pm party time.

• 11:43Speaker 01

  No, good for you. And do you know what though, you're not, you are at a place in your career. You've, I was reading your notes just while I was getting ready and you've done so much stuff. So you are at that point in your career where you can rightfully say, no, I'll do the 4pm slot. Or I'm not doing it at all.

• 11:59Speaker 02

  I wish I could do 4pm on tour.

• 12:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:01Speaker 02

  I wish venues would let you do 4pm. Oh my gosh.

• 12:04Speaker 03

  It's so good.

• 12:06Speaker 01

  I know.

• 12:06Speaker 03

  You know what, it's interesting you say that because I've now been doing comedy for 10 years.

• 12:20Speaker 01

  Amazing.

• 12:21Speaker 03

  And I still feel guilty when I take a day off.

• 12:29Speaker 02

  Oh.

• 12:29Speaker 03

  Of a book a holiday because when you work for yourself, you feel guilty. You feel lucky to be able to work and I love what I do. But yeah, in Edinburgh, I thought, go in there early, get them one of that water to drink.

• 13:02Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 13:02Speaker 03

  And before they get on the yegh, come on, fuck off.

• 13:12Speaker 01

  And you, you've got it bang on.

• 13:14Speaker 02

  I think time shifts in Edinburgh slightly.

• 13:16Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:16Speaker 02

  I think, and like at eight o'clock, like some, some people will book eight o'clock because they're like, you know, your big act will go. I remember when I first started, the big guys would go and they would do it, right? Oh, he's on at eight o'clock. Oh, he's on at eight o'clock. Eight o'clock in Edinburgh, it's about 11 o'clock realistically.

• 13:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:30Speaker 02

  Your eight o'clock audience, they've had a few drinks during the day.

• 13:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:33Speaker 02

  They've been walking around loads, they've seen a few shows.

• 13:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:36Speaker 02

  Time shifts. That's like catching up at home audience at 11 o'clock at night. They're drowsy, they're pissed. Four, for me, four o'clock is perfect.

• 13:46Speaker 04

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• 14:17Speaker 01

  I feel like we need to take a minute to talk about the fringe because I'd never been, bearing in mind, we live up north.

• 14:22Speaker 02

  Oh, she's been since, she's been since.

• 14:23Speaker 01

  But until I met Chris, I'd never been. And I know so many people who haven't been. And I think that you genuinely, like, if you've not been, you're really missing out.

• 14:34Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 14:34Speaker 01

  It is such a good experience.

• 14:36Speaker 03

  If you are a fan of comedy and say no, everyone should be a fan of comedy. I dissuade people who go, I don't like comedy because it's like, what? You don't like being happy. Um, if you want a good, happy, positive time, get yourself to the fringe.

• 15:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:18Speaker 03

  Because you'll not only see some of your favourite comedians. I just love the fact that every street you go down is full of performers. I love taking a punt and just walking into a venue and watching a show. And sure, sometimes it is dog shit.

• 15:58Speaker 03

  But, but sometimes you'll see a wonderful comic at the start of their career.

• 16:10Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:10Speaker 03

  And even now, when I go up there, people stop me and they go, I came to see you when you were on at the Free Fringe at Cowgate. And it feels like a secret world.

• 16:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:35Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 16:35Speaker 03

  It's so exciting.

• 16:37Speaker 01

  Oh my god, that feeling when you've seen like a band.

• 16:41Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:41Speaker 01

  Or a comedian or an actor in, when they first started and then they get massive and you're literally like, I saw you. I did it with loads of them.

• 16:49Speaker 02

  Smog with it.

• 16:50Speaker 01

  You know the smash, do you remember Smash Hits, the magazine?

• 16:52Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 16:53Speaker 01

  Well, I went to like a Smash Hits concert, right, near where we live. And there was like, before they all got massive, it was 911 and like all the sort, not honestly, but they were, but me and my friend went, we had no idea who they were, they didn't know the songs, but then they got massive and we were like, we saw them at Smash Hits.

• 17:13Speaker 01

  And I've never met them, but if I did, I'd go, I saw you. At Metroland where we live, they used to all go to Metroland.

• 17:20Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 17:21Speaker 01

  It's a shopping centre in the north east.

• 17:23Speaker 02

  It's gone now, Metroland. It was a theme park inside the shopping centre.

• 17:26Speaker 01

  Rosie, it was fucking class. It was so good.

• 17:29Speaker 02

  The lot.

• 17:30Speaker 01

  They've got rid, yeah, they've got rid of it and to the point where now that we've got kids who hate going shopping.

• 17:36Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 17:37Speaker 01

  I would love that to be back because literally I could go around the metro centre, Chris could take them to Metroland and it doesn't exist. Why it doesn't exist anymore?

• 17:44Speaker 03

  Can we reopen it?

• 17:47Speaker 02

  It was amazing.

• 17:48Speaker 03

  Come on.

• 17:48Speaker 02

  Imagine.

• 17:50Speaker 03

  Collectively, we've forgot enough money to reopen Metroland.

• 18:00Speaker 02

  We warriors, we warriors, Rosie. It probably wasn't making much money. So let's reopen it, but let's go bankrupt.

• 18:08Speaker 01

  Oh no, because actually when the kids are at school, what's it doing?

• 18:11Speaker 02

  That's probably it, yeah. So it was probably, you know, you're talking during the week and stuff, it was probably a nightmare, yeah.

• 18:15Speaker 03

  That's it, we need to lure more kids out of school.

• 18:23Speaker 01

  That way I was going with it.

• 18:26Speaker 02

  That's a hell of a business, yeah.

• 18:28Speaker 01

  Rosie Jones said, fuck school.

• 18:30Speaker 02

  Imagine you're on Dragon's Den. So what I want to do is, I want to lure our kids out of school to this theme park that I've put in, in a shopping centre. I'm out.

• 18:38Speaker 03

  Peter Jones will be in.

• 18:44Speaker 01

  Um, so Rosie, if you hadn't have done comedy, what do you think you'd be doing now? What like, what, what career?

• 18:51Speaker 03

  Uh, prison. I always say, hopefully I'll never get banged up. But if I did find myself in prison.

• 19:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:09Speaker 03

  I would thrive.

• 19:20Speaker 03

  What do you mean?

• 19:21Speaker 01

  Nah, I can see it. You're getting, you're really charismatic, they'd, they'd fall for you. What do you, what do you think?

• 19:27Speaker 03

  Give me a day and be daddy, and be top dog. And I bet.

• 19:37Speaker 02

  A day, give me a day and I'd be top dog.

• 19:41Speaker 01

  What are you in for? What are you in for in this scenario?

• 19:47Speaker 03

  Something cheeky.

• 19:51Speaker 01

  Vet.

• 19:52Speaker 03

  You know, a bit of rubber bees.

• 19:56Speaker 02

  But maybe removing bats from your house.

• 19:58Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 20:00Speaker 01

  Something cheeky, cheeky.

• 20:04Speaker 02

  Bit of fraud, cheeky bit of fraud.

• 20:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, just a cheeky fraud. Not to any, not the old and the vulnerable, like someone mid-age, yeah. A billionaire.

• 20:12Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 20:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:13Speaker 02

  Yeah, nothing with a direct victim. Yeah, great.

• 20:17Speaker 01

  Okay, amazing.

• 20:19Speaker 03

  And I've been about four or five girlfriends.

• 20:24Speaker 01

  Of course, yeah.

• 20:28Speaker 01

  Why the fuck not?

• 20:29Speaker 02

  Can I just, please, can I just for a moment point out, um, especially the phrase four or five girlfriends? How much different this would be if I was saying that?

• 20:40Speaker 02

  How mu, how much worse it would be if I, I've got to be honest with you, don't think I could pull that joke off. Don't think I could pull that joke off.

• 20:46Speaker 03

  And that is why I love being disabled.

• 21:00Speaker 03

  Honestly, I can sit here and go, I will be amazing in prison. And I guarantee you got a lot of listeners going, oh, oh. Isn't she cute?

• 21:27Speaker 01

  Really, they don't, really don't.

• 21:30Speaker 02

  Do you feel like you can get away with a lot more?

• 21:32Speaker 03

  Oh, yeah.

• 21:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:34Speaker 03

  And I love it.

• 21:36Speaker 02

  Really?

• 21:36Speaker 03

  I think that's why I started comedy in the first place. Cause even now, people feel awkward around disability. And I want to go out there and be like, yeah, I'm disabled, but look at me. I'm funny, confident, I love my life. And if you let me get away with shit, that's on you.

• 22:22Speaker 01

  You fucking rotten place.

• 22:25Speaker 02

  It's the thing though.

• 22:25Speaker 01

  I love that, it's class, by the way, that's fucking mint.

• 22:28Speaker 02

  I'm not saying that being from the North East is also a disability, but we can get away with a lot more with the accent.

• 22:35Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 22:35Speaker 02

  Not that it's, I am not saying it's, I needed this, so I needed to say that, cause I feel like you or you would have got in there with it.

• 22:42Speaker 01

  Gee whiz.

• 22:42Speaker 02

  So I had to preload that, cause I know what I'm fucking dealing with here. But I feel like I get away, I've been able to get away with a lot more in my career, just cause the bit of charm, bit of cheek, bit of a smile. So god, it's like a fucking Christmas day for you, isn't it?

• 22:55Speaker 03

  It's so good.

• 22:56Speaker 01

  It's quite nice though. But what do you, what do you think you'd be doing though?

• 23:00Speaker 02

  Well, you did work behind the scenes, didn't you? You worked behind the scenes for a while.

• 23:03Speaker 03

  Yes, that's it. So I worked on loads of comedy shows. And I started out writing jokes for comedians. Um, and I remember the first time Jimmy Carr said the joke that I had written. And my first thought was, yay, people are laughing.

• 23:39Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 23:40Speaker 03

  And my second thought was, wait a minute, people are laughing at Jimmy. And I want to get that praise. So I thought, wait a minute, comedians get paid more for less work. I'll do that.

• 24:11Speaker 02

  Can you remember the joke?

• 24:12Speaker 03

  No.

• 24:13Speaker 02

  No?

• 24:13Speaker 03

  Can't.

• 24:14Speaker 02

  Was it on cats?

• 24:15Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 24:17Speaker 02

  Wow, that's great.

• 24:19Speaker 01

  I love that though.

• 24:20Speaker 03

  And, but then also, even 10 years ago, you didn't really get disabled comedians. So what I did, I thought, I can't be a stand-up because I speak slowly. People will get to the punchline before I do.

• 25:00Speaker 01

  You're too little, mate.

• 25:02Speaker 03

  But then I thought, wait a minute, if I just structure it so that every single joke I say, people cannot guess where it's gonna go. I just done a great example, like when you said, what would you be doing? You could not have guessed that I would say prison.

• 25:45Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:46Speaker 03

  Until I with like control.

• 25:51Speaker 02

  Yeah, I get you.

• 25:52Speaker 03

  Said prison.

• 25:55Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 25:55Speaker 03

  And because I had the control and it surprised you. That's where the comedy comes from.

• 26:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:09Speaker 02

  Wow, yeah, so you just constantly pull them in the other direction.

• 26:12Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah.

• 26:12Speaker 02

  And so you, that's something systematic that you think, right, I, I can't go for the obvious punchline here, I have to pull this in a little, yeah.

• 26:21Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 26:21Speaker 02

  Brilliant.

• 26:22Speaker 03

  And for me, every syllable matters. So I got to write a joke and tape it out. And then I literally go, oh, it will take me too long to say fantastic.

• 26:48Speaker 01

  Right.

• 26:49Speaker 03

  Because as soon as I say fantastic, people will go, oh, she's saying fantastic.

• 27:00Speaker 01

  I never thought about that, you know?

• 27:02Speaker 03

  So I go, oh, I say great.

• 27:07Speaker 01

  So it's just the one, yeah, oh, I never thought about that.

• 27:11Speaker 03

  I really think every comic, regardless of how quick they talk, should do that. Because I watch a lot of comedians and I go, hmm, they're awful enough. They got to the joke and then they've added one more sentence that they didn't need. So it's such a good way to dream the fact.

• 27:53Speaker 01

  That's a really good idea. You used to waffle horrendously, do you remember? Sorry, no, just like, I used to work in radio.

• 27:59Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:00Speaker 01

  For capital and you had 13 seconds to talk.

• 28:02Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:03Speaker 01

  It was like, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.

• 28:05Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:05Speaker 01

  So when we started doing the podcast.

• 28:06Speaker 02

  She was like my producer, she was like my producer and my co-host, it was like, get, get the point, shut the fuck up.

• 28:11Speaker 01

  I've stopped doing it now, I used to do this. And you'd go, stop it, there's no, we're not in a hurry. And I'd go, you're just, you're taking too long to get to the end of the joke.

• 28:19Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 28:20Speaker 01

  But I think that's a comedian's thing, and especially in this, when there's no laughter.

• 28:24Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 28:25Speaker 01

  You used to really struggle when, because it was just us two doing it, no laughter. He'd be like, but, and I'm going, I've laughed a little bit, like they are laughing, it's fine. Bless you, I've stopped doing that.

• 28:36Speaker 02

  Thankfully we're filming now, so she can't fucking sit there and do that. Anyone listening who's just listening on audio, by the way, she would do like, almost like a helicopters, helicopters rotor, like wind it up, wind it up. God, it was, nothing really kills the confidence in a story you're saying, then your wife looking at you, spinning her hand around going, fucking, come on. Got chicken in your oven.

• 28:56Speaker 01

  But comedians, I think, just want to just get to the funniest joke and funniest point, sometimes it can actually, yeah.

• 29:03Speaker 02

  I think we always think there's a bigger laugh, and I think sometimes what the way you've just talked about how you structure it, right? And I think it's a perfect way of just going, no, no, bang, there isn't, if there is a bigger laugh, we're not gonna fucking look for it, we're gonna finish the joke.

• 29:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's it there.

• 29:45Speaker 01

  Babadu babadu babadu ba.

• 29:47Speaker 03

  I can't claim it. It's actually a Guardian article written by Emma Thompson. But she compared writing jokes to having sex. And she found that a lot of male comedians.

• 30:18Speaker 02

  Yeah, well, go.

• 30:18Speaker 03

  Did they?

• 30:21Speaker 03

  Did they build up, build up, build up? Big joke and they leave it. And that's okay. But what I did and what I found a lot of female comments do is she built it slowly. You have a little joke, a bigger joke, even bigger joke. You have your pinnacle orgasmic punchline.

• 31:02Speaker 03

  And then I always I just adding a little one.

• 31:10Speaker 01

  A little bit extra.

• 31:11Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 31:11Speaker 01

  But they're rolling over already in bed.

• 31:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, they're gone.

• 31:14Speaker 01

  We're still going home.

• 31:17Speaker 03

  We always want more.

• 31:20Speaker 01

  We always want more. I love it. You've got a story to read out for us, if you don't mind.

• 31:26Speaker 03

  I do.

• 31:27Speaker 01

  Please, Rosie. I don't meet many other Rosies, do you?

• 31:29Speaker 03

  No.

• 31:30Speaker 01

  No.

• 31:30Speaker 03

  Also, is that your full name?

• 31:34Speaker 01

  No, I'm Rosemary.

• 31:35Speaker 03

  Oh.

• 31:36Speaker 01

  What are you?

• 31:37Speaker 03

  I'm George Rosie.

• 31:39Speaker 01

  Just Rosie.

• 31:40Speaker 03

  My mum and dad gave me a dog's name.

• 31:46Speaker 01

  I like it, though. I like being a Rosie.

• 31:48Speaker 03

  Also, you don't meet a bad Rosie.

• 31:53Speaker 01

  Never, never.

• 31:54Speaker 03

  No.

• 31:55Speaker 01

  Not yet.

• 31:56Speaker 03

  No.

• 31:56Speaker 01

  Not yet.

• 31:57Speaker 02

  Does Rose count?

• 31:58Speaker 01

  Rose? I don't, I don't know my nose. Here's a question.

• 32:02Speaker 03

  What?

• 32:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, she's, she's a man. She can't join our club.

• 32:11Speaker 02

  She knew exactly what I was getting at there.

• 32:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She is not, she is not a Rosie.

• 32:20Speaker 01

  She's not a Rosie. She's a rose and she's a bitch. Yeah.

• 32:24Speaker 03

  And then she's a bit more than a bitch.

• 32:32Speaker 01

  Although, actually, can I tell you? She's at, no, she's at Durham Prison and loads of people who are not know, but know, people know other people, women, they say she's lovely.

• 32:43Speaker 02

  Who weren't there?

• 32:43Speaker 01

  Rose West, they say she's really nice.

• 32:45Speaker 02

  Oh, my Rosie. First of all, I love a bitch. If Rose West, if you're listening, you're a nasty pasty.

• 32:51Speaker 01

  Oh, you're a fucking bitch.

• 32:52Speaker 02

  You're a tinker and you shouldn't have done that. And bad, bad Rose West. That was naughty.

• 32:57Speaker 01

  You can't bait with us.

• 32:58Speaker 02

  Do better. Like.

• 33:02Speaker 03

  I feel like you cannot kill a loaded kid. And then say if you please, I'm cute. And then be like, oh.

• 33:22Speaker 02

  She's so fucking right. She's so right.

• 33:25Speaker 01

  I know, but I'm not saying she's redeemed herself or anything.

• 33:27Speaker 02

  She was polite, hey, our cell's always clean. No bother her. Don't, don't know what the fuss was about.

• 33:33Speaker 01

  It's all I done it.

• 33:34Speaker 02

  Fucking hell, man, Rosie. We are not advocating on Shag Marionoid in any way that Rose West is a nice person.

• 33:41Speaker 01

  No, no, sorry. Fuck's sake.

• 33:44Speaker 02

  Read your fucking story.

• 33:51Speaker 01

  Oh, I'm sorry.

• 33:52Speaker 03

  She's a nice person.

• 34:00Speaker 01

  Just know what people have said that she gets.

• 34:02Speaker 02

  Stop saying, don't double down on it. Don't double down on it.

• 34:05Speaker 01

  I'm not saying it, just she gets, she, she keeps her head down, right?

• 34:07Speaker 02

  Right, yeah.

• 34:08Speaker 01

  She's doing her time.

• 34:09Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 34:13Speaker 01

  If this is about prison or murder, I'm gonna die.

• 34:18Speaker 03

  Incredible.

• 34:22Speaker 03

  Right, dear Chris and Rosie, and Rosie.

• 34:28Speaker 01

  Oh, yes.

• 34:29Speaker 03

  Please keep me anonymous. I don't want my sister-in-law to be judged by anyone.

• 34:44Speaker 01

  Oh, I can't promise.

• 34:45Speaker 03

  But me.

• 34:46Speaker 01

  All right, okay.

• 34:47Speaker 03

  My sister-in-law puts her teenage boy's toilet seat in the dishwasher. What?

• 35:02Speaker 01

  Oh, God.

• 35:04Speaker 03

  They are nineteen and sixteen and they have their own bathroom.

• 35:16Speaker 03

  I have been there and it's just the boy's bathroom. However, absolutely not. Next time we go, we are taking our own cutlery and plates. We are all very upset by it.

• 35:47Speaker 01

  That's really good. That's really good.

• 35:53Speaker 03

  Thoughts from you and your guests?

• 35:57Speaker 01

  Right, okay.

• 35:58Speaker 03

  I feel like Chris might have something to say about it.

• 36:05Speaker 02

  I have got so many things to say. One, it's not an easy job to get a toilet seat off.

• 36:13Speaker 01

  It is. I think it's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

• 36:15Speaker 02

  It's not an easy thing. So she's either gone, right, right, here's my first thing. All right, she's done it a few times and gone, we need some different toilet seats. These are too hard to get on and off. That's ridiculous behaviour. And again, yeah, are you washing the dishwasher after this? Because we've got toilet water, we've got piss, we've got spunk. Let's be honest here, the teenage boys, we've got shit. All going in your dishwasher. How often are you cleaning the filters? How often are you cleaning that dishwasher? I'm, I'm, I'm angry.

• 36:42Speaker 01

  You just wash the, you just wash the toilet.

• 36:44Speaker 02

  Just a bit of flash, a bit of flash, other cleaners are available, a bit of dead all or whatever. Wipe it.

• 36:50Speaker 03

  I don't know what a dishwasher does that a bit.

• 36:57Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 36:58Speaker 03

  But I wouldn't.

• 36:59Speaker 02

  Yeah. And how clean do these little princes need their fucking toilet seats?

• 37:03Speaker 01

  I know. Do you not think some people love, like, using their stuff? Does that sound, is I looking at it as like I'm crazy?

• 37:11Speaker 02

  What do you mean?

• 37:11Speaker 01

  So like, I think some people go, when someone has got something, like when air fryers got really popular, people were like, I'm gonna do me full Christmas dinner in the air fryer. Like, like leaving the oven redundant. This person might have just got a dishwasher and they're like, I'm washing, I'm never washing a dish or a toilet seat ever again.

• 37:33Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 37:34Speaker 01

  And they've just thought, I'm gonna put, do you know what I mean? When people love their stuff and they use their stuff.

• 37:39Speaker 02

  Toilet seats, wheel trims from your car.

• 37:42Speaker 03

  But, yeah.

• 37:44Speaker 01

  That's what I'm saying, yeah.

• 37:45Speaker 03

  I don't use it. I've heard that.

• 37:50Speaker 02

  Every time.

• 37:50Speaker 01

  They're gonna have to, aren't they?

• 37:51Speaker 03

  No.

• 37:52Speaker 01

  Oh, mind. So like, haven't, we've got two little boys and sometimes, we've got like more than usual toilets in our house, it's quite a big house.

• 38:01Speaker 02

  Live in the north.

• 38:03Speaker 01

  Live in the north. And sometimes they will wee in a toilet and forget to flush it. I'll go in there a couple of days later, it fucking stinks.

• 38:12Speaker 03

  No.

• 38:13Speaker 01

  It's not like, it smells like fish.

• 38:15Speaker 02

  Yeah, horrible. One of them weighed, one of them weighed in the toilet in the loft and I'm not kidding, I can't, it must have been there a week.

• 38:22Speaker 01

  It's disgusting.

• 38:24Speaker 02

  I made the mistake of weighing into it and I broke the film on the top.

• 38:26Speaker 01

  Oh, my God, it's so upsetting.

• 38:28Speaker 02

  It was so bad. It was like cat food, it smelled like cat food.

• 38:31Speaker 01

  I know. And if it's the older one who like, he sometimes loves a little Diet Coke and that and he's died, it's not great, it's just not good. Oh, I know, it's not.

• 38:38Speaker 02

  But I'm still not, I'm still not, I'm still not dishwasher.

• 38:40Speaker 01

  I'm not putting it in the dishwasher.

• 38:41Speaker 02

  It's ridiculous.

• 38:42Speaker 01

  No.

• 38:42Speaker 02

  Stop it. If, if you're listening and you put your children's dish, your toilet seat in the dishwasher, you're a maniac, just spray it with some.

• 38:47Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 38:48Speaker 02

  How, how much water and electricity are you wasting as well? Just spray it with some flash and be done with it.

• 38:52Speaker 01

  And they might be TikTokers.

• 38:55Speaker 03

  I am gonna say something that I feel like might upset Chris.

• 39:04Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, go ahead.

• 39:06Speaker 03

  So I'm very anti it because of how long it will take to unsew it. But the idea of a toilet seat in with the plates and cutlery

• 39:29Speaker 03

  doesn't bother me.

• 39:31Speaker 02

  No.

• 39:32Speaker 01

  What?

• 39:33Speaker 03

  It's all getting cleaned.

• 39:36Speaker 01

  I know, but it's piss.

• 39:37Speaker 03

  But it's being cleaned off.

• 39:42Speaker 01

  Rosie, I can't.

• 39:43Speaker 03

  Everything will be cleaned by the end of it.

• 39:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:49Speaker 02

  So.

• 39:49Speaker 01

  Okay, all right, okay.

• 39:50Speaker 02

  Here's my issue.

• 39:52Speaker 03

  You go.

• 39:54Speaker 02

  Here's my issue with it, right? Rosie, new TV show, right? Me and you. You have a dishwasher, you just clean toilet seats in it, teenage boys' toilet seats in it for a year. I'll have a dishwasher, I'll just clean, this show's gonna run for a year.

• 40:12Speaker 02

  Every day, I'll just clean plates and dishes in it.

• 40:15Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 40:15Speaker 02

  At the end of the year, we'll take the filters out of the dishwasher, we'll test them.

• 40:20Speaker 01

  No, you've got to drink one.

• 40:21Speaker 02

  Okay.

• 40:22Speaker 01

  Which one are you drinking?

• 40:23Speaker 02

  All right, yeah. We'll fill one up with water. End of the year, we'll fill one up with water, you're gonna drink a pint of water out of it. Are you drinking it out of the one that's got the toilet seats for a year or the one that's had the plates for a year?

• 40:35Speaker 03

  Why hoping it's in the place?

• 40:39Speaker 02

  Obviously, obviously, obviously. You're full of shit, just like that fucking dishwasher.

• 40:50Speaker 01

  Oh, man, we've got to go, we've got to go.

• 40:52Speaker 02

  Rosie, thank you so much.

• 40:53Speaker 01

  I know, this has been so lovely. Thank you for coming on.

• 40:57Speaker 02

  You've been amazing.

• 40:58Speaker 01

  It's been really nice to get to know you better as well because I've only met you once and it's, yeah, really nice.

• 41:03Speaker 02

  Once, it was backstage at the Comedy Awards. We literally said hello to you passing by.

• 41:07Speaker 03

  Yeah.

• 41:08Speaker 02

  Yeah. You said congratulations and that was it.

• 41:10Speaker 01

  I saw you later on, but you were mortal drunk on the floor in your dress.

• 41:13Speaker 03

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 41:15Speaker 01

  I was like, I love it.

• 41:17Speaker 03

  Oh, but you have always loved saying about.

• 41:23Speaker 01

  Thank you, baby.

• 41:24Speaker 02

  Oh, thank you so much.

• 41:25Speaker 03

  It's been so great to chat to you.

• 41:29Speaker 01

  Thank you, darling. Take care.

• 41:33Speaker 01

  Oh, that was lovely.

• 41:42Speaker 00

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