Another Stag Do, A Little Accident and Memories of Snogging Strangers

On this week's Shagged Married Annoyed, Chris has been on yet ANOTHER trip. This one involved a lot of Guinness, a lost passport and an early exit. The pair discuss trouser shorts, arm tights, losing airpods and and what happens when you take a good banana through airport security. All of this plus some brilliant beefs, (foot wash anyone?) a verruca update, some Mormon Wife correspondence and a BJJ injury. If you want to get involved and have your stories and voice notes included on the podcast, then get in touch! 📧: [email protected] 📱: 07874 406650 You can watch the podcast on the Shagged Married Annoyed YouTube channel: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠youtube.com/@shagged.married.annoyed Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

• 0:00Speaker 00

  Coming up on this week's episode of Shag Married Annoyed.

• 0:02Speaker 01

  Chris has had a little accident.

• 0:04Speaker 00

  We can't talk about it. We can't talk about it. We've just got to move on. Just got to move on.

• 0:07Speaker 01

  Busy pants.

• 0:07Speaker 00

  I've got a stag do, I've got a stag do update for everyone. I've been on another stag do.

• 0:11Speaker 01

  Of course, yeah. Chris has hurt himself at BJJ again.

• 0:14Speaker 00

  Been a busy week for me. Been a really busy week.

• 0:16Speaker 01

  We've got our beefs, voice notes and more wart magic.

• 0:19Speaker 00

  Freaking me out, this wart stuff. Freaking me out. Got an interesting email about Mormons and parking.

• 0:25Speaker 01

  Yes. And we accidentally name our imaginary dog.

• 0:30Speaker 00

  Was genuinely the most confusing thing that's ever happened to us. Enjoy.

• 0:35Speaker 02

  Whenever fall comes back around, it always feels like a fresh start. This year, I've been layering in some styles from the new Lululemon fall drop because the weather is shifting and I find I have to be ready for the entire day and not just one part of it. Lululemon's fall line has some really versatile transitional pieces, so I can just wake up, throw on a matching set, add a jacket or a fleece and head out, knowing that I'll feel comfortable enough to go wherever the day takes me. Check out the new fall arrivals in store and online now at lululemon.com.

• 1:04Speaker 03

  Ugh, I hate Mondays. King's Hawaiian cinnamon swirl bite? Taylor Hanson? Sure, I'll try one.

• 1:10Speaker 01

  Mmm.

• 1:13Speaker 03

  Hey, let's get back to work, please. But Taylor Hanson's making my day way better with these new soft and swirly King's Hawaiian cinnamon bites. Taylor Hanson? Nice. Try one. Mmm.

• 1:26Speaker 04

  King's Hawaiian cinnamon bites. There's nothing like it.

• 1:34Speaker 01

  Hello, you are listening and watching possibly Shag Married Annoyed with me, Rosie Ramsey, my husband, Christopher Ramsey. Lavalade to have you back.

• 1:42Speaker 00

  Hello. Hi. Hope you're all having a hot and sweaty time out there. Having a nice little.

• 1:46Speaker 01

  I'm not complaining about it.

• 1:47Speaker 00

  No, but we don't live in London.

• 1:48Speaker 01

  But we don't live in London. Or, you know, southern, just down south, because it's, we're in London. Separately next week.

• 1:56Speaker 00

  Yeah, we are.

• 1:56Speaker 01

  It's El Scortio.

• 1:58Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:58Speaker 01

  And it's a bit complicated actually, because all, as a northerner, and I think other people will understand this, the north-south divide. The only kind of clothes that I have, which are suitable for thirty degrees, are very summery.

• 2:10Speaker 00

  Yeah, very holiday clothes.

• 2:12Speaker 01

  Very holiday.

• 2:13Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 2:13Speaker 01

  Very like floral and intense, and I just don't feel like that is a London vibe.

• 2:18Speaker 00

  I get you.

• 2:19Speaker 01

  Do you know what I mean?

• 2:20Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 2:21Speaker 01

  Maybe it is, I don't, I lo-, I kind of love down there that nobody gives a shit what they're wearing.

• 2:25Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 2:25Speaker 01

  Up here, people take the piss out of you if you've got a hat on.

• 2:27Speaker 00

  But I've said this loads of ti-, yeah, I've said this loads of ti-, people don't give a fuck what you're wearing in London.

• 2:30Speaker 01

  I know, I love that.

• 2:32Speaker 00

  Um, I've said this loads of times, you've got, uh, when we're going to London and it's hot from here, you've got to dress for three climates.

• 2:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:37Speaker 00

  You've got to dress for what it is here.

• 2:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:39Speaker 00

  What it's gonna be on the train.

• 2:40Speaker 01

  Twenty-five here.

• 2:41Speaker 00

  No, no, what it's gonna be on the train and then what it's gonna be in London.

• 2:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:43Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 2:43Speaker 01

  I'm looking forward to it though.

• 2:44Speaker 00

  I remember one time I had a pair of, um, ick, I had a pair of like cargo pants that zipped off into shorts.

• 2:51Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 2:52Speaker 00

  Ick.

• 2:53Speaker 01

  Well, when was this? You weren't with me.

• 2:56Speaker 00

  No, I was, uh.

• 2:57Speaker 01

  I wouldn't have allowed them, no.

• 2:58Speaker 00

  I think it was from Manchester. I was getting the train from Manchester to London when I was.

• 3:01Speaker 01

  Very like fisherman vibes.

• 3:03Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 3:04Speaker 01

  Very like me dad.

• 3:05Speaker 00

  Right, yeah.

• 3:05Speaker 01

  No, I'm not, I'm, I'm.

• 3:06Speaker 00

  I remember zipping them off on the train and thinking, I am Mister Prepared.

• 3:10Speaker 01

  Oh god, oh Jesus. And what, did you just hide them in your bag?

• 3:13Speaker 00

  Yeah, I'd say I just put them on my arms, like little sleeves.

• 3:16Speaker 01

  Oh, nice.

• 3:16Speaker 00

  No, I'm joking, I just, I think I probably put them in pockets because I was dead cool, I didn't have a bag.

• 3:19Speaker 01

  I don't know how I'd slag you off though, you know, because some of the stuff I used to wear when I was younger. Speaking of like, putting stuff around your arms, I used to go on an R and B night, on a Wednesday night at a visa.

• 3:28Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 3:29Speaker 01

  And me and me mate Abby would wear tights, fishnet tights on her arms.

• 3:33Speaker 00

  I remember, yes, yes, the arm tight slags, I remember.

• 3:35Speaker 01

  That was us, that's what everyone used to call them.

• 3:37Speaker 00

  Had their own theme tune.

• 3:38Speaker 01

  What was it?

• 3:39Speaker 00

  Tight slags, they'll suck you off, arm tight slags, they'll.

• 3:44Speaker 01

  Suck you off for half a tab?

• 3:46Speaker 00

  Yeah, we just kept saying all that.

• 3:47Speaker 01

  Okay, good, nice.

• 3:49Speaker 00

  So I was really put on the spot and I was very aware that I was saying the word slag. It's weird, you know, because sometimes when I'm doing other things, maybe in Mot the Week, I, I'll sometimes go a little bit sexist because I'm full sexist in front of you to wind you up to get a reaction. And I sort of hoay the word slag about because you're here saying it as well.

• 4:06Speaker 01

  You're not allowed.

• 4:07Speaker 00

  When I'm on my own, sometimes I let it slip and people are like, fucking hell, alright, pig. And I'm like, oh, sorry, I'm normally sitting next to my wife and this is normally fine.

• 4:14Speaker 01

  I'm the same.

• 4:15Speaker 00

  As the pair of, we make like a, a, a one.

• 4:17Speaker 01

  Chris.

• 4:18Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 4:18Speaker 01

  Sometimes, I'm horrible to men.

• 4:22Speaker 01

  And I think, oh no, Rosie, you can't do it to these men.

• 4:24Speaker 00

  That's not your husband.

• 4:25Speaker 01

  No, and because it's very much.

• 4:27Speaker 00

  Tongue in cheek.

• 4:28Speaker 01

  Tongue in cheek and a joke. Like the stuff that we, obviously.

• 4:31Speaker 00

  Oh, I'm tight slags. They'll put the tongues in your cheek. That was the other bit.

• 4:35Speaker 01

  Put your tongues in your cheeks.

• 4:36Speaker 00

  You put your tongues in, you'll kiss, kiss them.

• 4:38Speaker 01

  I couldn't think of anything worse. Do you know what's so funny? Ask me now, as a nearly 40 year old woman, to go and snog a stranger on a night out. Tongues the lot.

• 4:45Speaker 00

  I'd rather die.

• 4:46Speaker 01

  Honestly.

• 4:47Speaker 00

  I'd rather die. Can I take them to the dentist first? Can we quickly nip to a dentist? I want him to floss you. I want him to do the, the scraping. Full mouthwash.

• 4:55Speaker 01

  Just couldn't.

• 4:55Speaker 00

  Full polish.

• 4:56Speaker 01

  When, guys, when, like.

• 4:58Speaker 00

  In fact, pee into this cup. Let's see what you've got.

• 5:01Speaker 01

  Let's get a test.

• 5:01Speaker 00

  Yeah, let's get a swab.

• 5:02Speaker 01

  That is a good question. Okay, so the millennials or the, what's the one?

• 5:06Speaker 00

  We're millennials.

• 5:07Speaker 01

  We're millennials. That's what I'm asking.

• 5:08Speaker 00

  Oh, sorry.

• 5:09Speaker 01

  Wine show fucking naked.

• 5:11Speaker 00

  Continue.

• 5:11Speaker 01

  So this is a question for the millennials and the J Xs, who are the one above us.

• 5:15Speaker 00

  And the Zs.

• 5:16Speaker 01

  And then the Z, yeah, the, even the boomers, listen, right?

• 5:19Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 5:19Speaker 01

  We all know much more now.

• 5:22Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 5:22Speaker 01

  So what are the singles doing? Are they snogging, tonguing on the first date? Or do you have to get? No, I don't think people are.

• 5:29Speaker 00

  I believe they are.

• 5:30Speaker 01

  Nah, you just wouldn't.

• 5:31Speaker 00

  Are you out there snogging and tonguing on the first date? Let me know. Are you on the dance floor? Ah, well, hey, look, hey, not many times, but I remember snogging multiple people in one night.

• 5:39Speaker 01

  Oh my God. We used to have competitions.

• 5:42Speaker 00

  Sorry?

• 5:43Speaker 01

  We would have, like, the girls who I used to go, we would have competitions of how.

• 5:48Speaker 00

  Beg, beg your pardon.

• 5:49Speaker 01

  What?

• 5:50Speaker 00

  Sorry.

• 5:50Speaker 01

  What do you mean?

• 5:51Speaker 00

  You, you've snogged more than one person in, in the night.

• 5:54Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 5:54Speaker 00

  I thought it was just me. I thought, sorry.

• 5:56Speaker 01

  I'm embarrassed to say what I think I've got to do. You weren't a stud, Chris. I'm sorry, you were part of the, the competition.

• 6:03Speaker 00

  Oh my God, I wasn't a stud, it was a statistic?

• 6:06Speaker 01

  You were but, you were but a number.

• 6:09Speaker 00

  Well, so them, sorry, so them five lasses I kissed that night when I was at E and E, they were all, I was just on a leaderboard, like Top Gear. Fuck this. I knew you all tasted of kebab, the same kebab.

• 6:22Speaker 01

  Couldn't do that now, no chance. I'd rather die.

• 6:26Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 6:26Speaker 01

  I'd have to at least know somebody now to be able to swap saliva.

• 6:31Speaker 00

  But the amount of people I speak to who just still stink, the amount of people I just, I just think.

• 6:35Speaker 01

  It's not even that, it's just more like, I don't know.

• 6:37Speaker 00

  Yeah, vile.

• 6:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:38Speaker 00

  Covid taught a lot, or did it? Let we know. Now, listen, guys, thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for watching. If you are, please subscribe on YouTube. Thank you for listening. Please subscribe on your podcast shops and we do really appreciate you coming back every time. We don't want to over egg the pudding, but we really, really do.

• 6:50Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 6:51Speaker 00

  And without further ado, it's time for this week's lucrative, lucrative sponsor. Now, this and this week's sponsor, very important. The company have been in touch and they don't want any discussion after the fact. I've just got to say the sponsor.

• 7:03Speaker 01

  Sorry, sorry. Am I being silenced?

• 7:06Speaker 00

  It's big money here, big, big bucks, seriously, big bucks. No discussion after the fact, no diluting of the product.

• 7:13Speaker 01

  Right.

• 7:14Speaker 00

  I've just got to say what it is. I've got to read it off the sheet, word for word, okay? And then I don't want to discuss.

• 7:20Speaker 01

  You, you are.

• 7:21Speaker 00

  They don't want to discuss.

• 7:22Speaker 01

  You are something else.

• 7:23Speaker 00

  The company don't want to discuss. Are you okay with this? Right, good.

• 7:25Speaker 01

  No, I'm not.

• 7:25Speaker 00

  This week, you have to be, you have to be. It's, it's, it's £300 million.

• 7:29Speaker 01

  Oh, God.

• 7:34Speaker 01

  All right, Joe Rogan, at least say something, but.

• 7:37Speaker 00

  Per download.

• 7:39Speaker 01

  Listen, all right.

• 7:40Speaker 00

  Okay, right, good.

• 7:42Speaker 01

  No, because then again, I will not be silenced for money. So.

• 7:45Speaker 00

  You fucking, yeah, you will.

• 7:46Speaker 01

  No, I fucking would not.

• 7:47Speaker 00

  Of course you would.

• 7:48Speaker 01

  No, I'm not.

• 7:49Speaker 00

  There's a, there's a number, there's a number that would silence me on anything.

• 7:53Speaker 01

  Listen, don't play the big in of going, "I'll do anything for money" because you fucking wouldn't because you've got a conscience.

• 7:59Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 7:59Speaker 01

  So whatever, right? Carry on though with your bullshit sponsor.

• 8:03Speaker 00

  You've always ruined it now. It's okay, I'll bring it back. This week's sponsor, which you've shot all over, this week's sponsor, again, no talking about it, just want to go on. This week's sponsor is attempting to quickly undo the drawstrings on your pants because you're desperate for the toilet, but accidentally knotting it so tight that you almost piss yourself trying to undo it. Again, don't want to discuss it, let's just move on.

• 8:26Speaker 01

  Where did that happen?

• 8:27Speaker 00

  Yesterday.

• 8:27Speaker 01

  Oh, where?

• 8:29Speaker 00

  Weed myself a little bit.

• 8:31Speaker 01

  Where?

• 8:31Speaker 00

  Downstairs.

• 8:32Speaker 01

  In the house?

• 8:33Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 8:34Speaker 01

  We had to change your pants.

• 8:35Speaker 00

  We'd pants shorts, all weed. This, we're not supposed to discuss this.

• 8:39Speaker 01

  Oh, God.

• 8:41Speaker 00

  I went for the, pulled it, and I couldn't get it round over me, over me hips. My hips don't lie. I couldn't get, and I.

• 8:49Speaker 01

  You've weeded your pants.

• 8:50Speaker 00

  I've weeded my pants.

• 8:51Speaker 01

  You've weeded your pants. Okay, well done. Welcome, listen.

• 8:54Speaker 00

  I'm thirty nine.

• 8:54Speaker 01

  Welcome to the crew.

• 8:55Speaker 00

  Oh, you weed your pants on the trampoline.

• 8:56Speaker 01

  I weed my pants all the time, joking. I woke up at the house with my period and it goes on, thank God, pissing, fully pissing after that trampoline.

• 9:03Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 9:03Speaker 01

  That's fine, don't worry about it.

• 9:04Speaker 00

  You were bold going on that trampoline the other day, very bold. Do you see us on the trampoline, get jealous, forget yourself, go on the trampoline and think, oh, this is why I don't.

• 9:10Speaker 01

  Every time I see you on that trampoline, I think, I fucking loved bouncing on a trampoline. But can I tell you right now, I've been doing running and walking and all that shit. Like, I do that quite often and it's not great for your pelvic floor. I need to get, like, it kind of, I think it loosens it a bit. So I need to, I just need to do more exercises. I'll do them now.

• 9:31Speaker 00

  Great. Well, join us after the intro when she's got a stronger pelvic floor.

• 9:56Speaker 01

  Hello and welcome back to this week's episode of Shag Marde Noi.

• 10:00Speaker 00

  Hello, hello.

• 10:01Speaker 01

  Hope yous are all well, hope life is going okay. Even if it's not, don't worry about it.

• 10:06Speaker 00

  Let's just try and have a listen to this and cheer you up for the next forty minutes or so, fifty minutes.

• 10:10Speaker 01

  Can't be perfect all the time, can it?

• 10:11Speaker 00

  It really can't.

• 10:12Speaker 01

  Life.

• 10:13Speaker 00

  But, uh, update from me, I've been on another stag do.

• 10:17Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, we know.

• 10:18Speaker 00

  Been on another stag do, didn't I? Went to Dublin for a stag do.

• 10:20Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 10:20Speaker 00

  Woo woo.

• 10:21Speaker 01

  Tell them how long you lasted.

• 10:22Speaker 00

  Came back a day early. Came back a day early. One of me best mate's stag do's, thankfully he, he was very understanding.

• 10:29Speaker 01

  He knows what a pussy you are.

• 10:32Speaker 00

  You cried with joy when I came back.

• 10:34Speaker 01

  I was very happy. Um, I ju, I, you're not like. Maybe both of us. I just don't think we're that, um, them people anymore.

• 10:43Speaker 00

  I just, I can't, don't get us wrong, I've made a new rule. I can't do two day drinkings in a row. Like, we did the one, it was great, we were at the airport drinking, on the plane, we got to Dublin, just Guinness, Guinness, Guinness. Fuck me, the day after, the day, love Guinness, love Guinness. The day after a session on the Guinness, I was sharing a room with my mate Jordan. If you told me that in the night after the session on Guinness, he put a funnel up me arse and in me mouth and poured cement into us and let it set, I would a hundred percent believe him.

• 11:16Speaker 01

  Oh no, and do you know what as well? Alright, I'm gonna tell you right now what was wrong with you as well. You'll have been holding in your fart.

• 11:23Speaker 00

  No.

• 11:24Speaker 01

  No, but you will have, like, subconsciously.

• 11:26Speaker 00

  No, no, he got, no, he got, no, he got full, he got gale force winds, he got, he got wind warning, he got amber, he got amber alert. Oh yeah, it was horrible in that room, it was unbearable. And it was already hot and the aircon didn't work and the window opened over the restaurant and you could just smell food getting fried. It was the worst. Anyway, listen, listen, uh, yeah, it just, honestly, like, hats off to everyone who can drink Guinness and have a full night on the Guinness and be alright the next day. I think that. I felt about fifteen stone heavier.

• 11:53Speaker 01

  I think the trick is with Guinness to not eat.

• 11:55Speaker 00

  Right.

• 11:56Speaker 01

  I think it's like.

• 11:56Speaker 00

  See, we had a curry afterwards as well, so it was, there was hell on.

• 11:59Speaker 01

  Well, there you go. It's a fully blown meal.

• 12:01Speaker 00

  That room was a fucking bio, has it. Anyway, listen, um, couple of updates, right? I learnt something.

• 12:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:07Speaker 00

  We were.

• 12:07Speaker 01

  Something Irish?

• 12:08Speaker 00

  No, no, no, this starts in the airport, right? So we, we got the, we got to the airport and we're going through security and I took a banana from our fruit bowl to have, you know, because I knew everyone was gonna get on the drink straight away. It was about eight o'clock in the morning, right? So I took a banana, I was like, I'll eat a banana first, right? Uh, it was in me bag, what?

• 12:28Speaker 00

  I'm an old man, I had a banana, I had a banana, I had an electrolyte drink and I had a protein yogurt, right? And everyone else was like on the Guinness. And so I put me hand luggage, I had me little wheelie suitcase, all hand luggage, but I had the wheelie suitcase, then I had my backpack.

• 12:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:41Speaker 00

  I put it, I put them through and you know, when they go through the security and then it stops and it's like, oh.

• 12:46Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 12:46Speaker 00

  It doesn't, if it slides it to the side and down the next one, it's getting checked.

• 12:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:49Speaker 00

  So my case comes down.

• 12:51Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 12:51Speaker 00

  But my backpack gets checked, right? And the young lass, she gets it off the thing, she puts, she goes, this yours, I went, yeah. She went, right. And I was thinking, what could it be? Is it be toiletries? Is there too much, you know, have I got too many liquids or whatever? And she went, it'll be your banana.

• 13:05Speaker 01

  Why?

• 13:05Speaker 00

  Well, I went, what do you mean?

• 13:07Speaker 01

  You can take food through.

• 13:08Speaker 00

  Yeah, nah. She went, she went, yeah, nah. She went, it'll be your banana. And she went, and you can tell it's a good one, because it must have really high potassium levels, because that's what set the machine off. And I looked at her and I, I regretted it as soon as I said it. I genuinely meant it, but it was one of the stupidest things I've ever said. I went, eh, and we're gonna have to eat it all now.

• 13:30Speaker 01

  What, like down in a bottle of water? When you see everyone down in their waters, God, it's tragic.

• 13:34Speaker 00

  We're gonna have to.

• 13:35Speaker 01

  I hate the human race. That's one time when I go, God, what, what, what's wrong with we?

• 13:39Speaker 00

  Just leave it.

• 13:39Speaker 01

  No, but like, just, we all, we've all travelled loads before. You know, you can't take your water, what you bought a bottle of water for?

• 13:45Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 13:46Speaker 01

  Anyway.

• 13:46Speaker 00

  A massive one.

• 13:47Speaker 01

  Go on, so what happened?

• 13:48Speaker 00

  So she went, no. And I went, right, okay. And then she went.

• 13:50Speaker 01

  Did it get swabbed?

• 13:51Speaker 00

  Well, she went, no, she went, it just means, she went, it's the banana, she went, it just means it's a really good one, because it's higher. And I went, well, it was from Waitrose. It wasn't, but that was the joke. Um, but, uh, yeah, and she actually said, so shout out to you, because she actually said, uh, I hope we hear about this on the podcast. So, thank you very much.

• 14:05Speaker 01

  Oh, there you go.

• 14:05Speaker 00

  Um, couple more updates. Went, we drank in the hotel, uh, sorry, in the airport that we went through. Um, the next day.

• 14:11Speaker 01

  Did you have a morning drink in the airport?

• 14:13Speaker 00

  I did.

• 14:14Speaker 01

  This is what, see what a silly billy.

• 14:16Speaker 00

  When I'm with the, yeah, when I'm with the.

• 14:17Speaker 01

  I can't do it, mate.

• 14:19Speaker 00

  When I'm with the pigs, I, uh, I always just go for it. So a couple of Guinnesses, uh, and then got there and then went around loads of different pubs. The next morning, on the WhatsApp, one of the lads, um, we're talking eight o'clock in the morning here. Has anyone got my passport? I've lost it. We're there for two days, two days.

• 14:38Speaker 01

  Didn't need his passport either. Or did he?

• 14:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, Dublin.

• 14:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, Dublin.

• 14:40Speaker 00

  No, uh, like if you were at Belfast, you wouldn't need it.

• 14:43Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 14:43Speaker 00

  You'd need your driving licence, I think.

• 14:45Speaker 01

  I'm learning.

• 14:45Speaker 00

  Um, so, yeah, so.

• 14:47Speaker 01

  So what, where is his passport?

• 14:48Speaker 00

  Well. Gets up, messages everyone, no one's got it, no, no. And they're staying in, incredibly, they're staying in university halls.

• 14:58Speaker 01

  Yeah. What was it, what were they like?

• 15:00Speaker 00

  I don't know, I didn't see them.

• 15:01Speaker 01

  I think they rent them out during the summer, when there's nobody staying there. Or it might be like a funky new sort of thing, that somebody's bought them all.

• 15:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 15:10Speaker 01

  As rooms, I don't know.

• 15:11Speaker 00

  Well, I don't know. So anyway, they're staying in university halls. He wakes up, can't find his passport. So he's still like hanging, he gets up, he goes back into Dublin, city centre. He goes to like the four pubs that we went to, two of them were open, didn't have it.

• 15:23Speaker 01

  He had it on him?

• 15:24Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 15:25Speaker 01

  Why?

• 15:25Speaker 00

  I don't know. I don't know.

• 15:27Speaker 01

  How old is he?

• 15:28Speaker 00

  A man, like, like late 30s man, I don't know, definitely not. So, he is quite little. Littlest of the group by a mile, but you know.

• 15:37Speaker 01

  But still very much over 25 now.

• 15:40Speaker 00

  Yeah. So maybe hoping, maybe thinking, oh god, I've been moisturising.

• 15:45Speaker 01

  Maybe he's been asked for it once and he's just thought, I'm not fucking doing this.

• 15:48Speaker 00

  Been. So goes to four pubs, two of them are open or whatever, no, I haven't got it, other two I should. Goes to the curry place, doesn't open till 12, freaking out, goes back, it's in his bedside drawer.

• 15:58Speaker 01

  What the fuck's he putting in his bedside drawer for?

• 16:00Speaker 00

  He must have put it in his bedside drawer and then just forgot about it. What's happened is, well, what's happened is, he opened the bedside drawer and it stood up on its side and it stuck to the back as he opened it. And he couldn't see it. Freaking, that's not, you know, when you're hungover.

• 16:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:13Speaker 00

  And you're trying to find something. Oh my god.

• 16:15Speaker 01

  It's the worst.

• 16:16Speaker 00

  But to tell you about the halls.

• 16:17Speaker 01

  Trying to find something in general. Do you know, I've, I've gone back for, for two reasons, right? Bluetooth headphones.

• 16:24Speaker 00

  Do you want to tell everyone your new catchphrase?

• 16:26Speaker 01

  Where's me headphones?

• 16:27Speaker 00

  Where's me headphones?

• 16:28Speaker 01

  I've given up on Bluetooth headphones. One, because I think that they're actually not good for our brains.

• 16:32Speaker 00

  Great.

• 16:32Speaker 01

  By the way, you're still using yours, but whatever. And two, I just lose them. Just, they're just, they're smaller, smaller than a fucking regular tampon. Like, what the fuck? No, I think, oh my god.

• 16:46Speaker 00

  There's a very specific reason you don't lose the tampon. It's literally stuck inside you.

• 16:50Speaker 01

  I mean, carrying them in your bag.

• 16:51Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 16:54Speaker 01

  I've got, I've just invented something.

• 16:56Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 16:57Speaker 01

  I think you should have like a book with a bit cut out like they do in prison and you should put them in there.

• 17:05Speaker 00

  It's just a larger case.

• 17:07Speaker 01

  A bigger case.

• 17:08Speaker 00

  So you think, yeah.

• 17:09Speaker 01

  Because then you wouldn't lose it as much. You'd carry it round in your, in like in a tote bag, but I suppose in your handbag. I just think they're too small.

• 17:17Speaker 00

  Stupid, right. You've said some stupid stuff.

• 17:19Speaker 01

  Put them on my key ring.

• 17:21Speaker 00

  You can probably get them. Do you know, my mate, Michael's got a little thing and it's a, it's a little pack of Doritos. It's a, it's a case, but it turns them into a little pack of Doritos and you open it up. You can get all kinds of cases for the AirPods, all kinds of cases.

• 17:34Speaker 01

  My problem is it's just too small and I just keep losing them.

• 17:37Speaker 00

  Sorry, we need, we need to dissect what you've just said. So you're thinking, end of Shawshank Redemption. He's not in his cell. The put, the, the press the, the poster, the see the massive hole that he's tunnelled through. The open his Bible and there's a cut out of a toffee hammer. You think the idea that, that, the, the.

• 17:58Speaker 01

  I think it's quirky. I think people will love it.

• 18:00Speaker 00

  Is to have a book.

• 18:01Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 18:02Speaker 00

  And you open the book and inside the book, there was a cut out thing, the exact size of an AirPods case, and that's where you keep it.

• 18:08Speaker 01

  Yep. I'm telling you right now, I've just invented something. I wanna make, I wanna make a handbag.

• 18:13Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 18:13Speaker 01

  I wanna make a handbag, but it's just got compartments. So you open it up and there's a little space for a lipstick. There's a little space for a couple of keys. There's a little space for your AirPods and then there's a little, and then there's a space for your phone. And everything fits in. And then you just close it so that when you open it, you're like, oh, there's everything instead of, ah, fucking hate rifling through my handbag.

• 18:35Speaker 00

  Okay, okay. Where are you gonna put your apple that's wrapped in a bit of kitchen roll that you always take with you?

• 18:40Speaker 01

  I'm not saying you can fit everything in this.

• 18:41Speaker 00

  Great.

• 18:42Speaker 01

  You can't.

• 18:43Speaker 00

  Fall now straight. Wait, where are you putting your 6,000 hair clips that you're taking?

• 18:46Speaker 01

  There'd be space for it. There'd be space for it. There'd be a circle shape and you put a bobble there and all the little Kirby grips would fit inside. Have I, have I made millions right now? I'm not even joking. Can I make this? Fuck it. I'm gonna make it.

• 19:01Speaker 00

  You know what you'd love? Like so certain golf things have little bits for the tees and little bits that stick and stuff. Yeah. Little bits. Slush?

• 19:08Speaker 01

  It's lush.

• 19:09Speaker 00

  Ah, like you said, slush.

• 19:10Speaker 01

  Honestly, handbags really upset me. Really upset me.

• 19:13Speaker 00

  I think it's because you're a disorganised pig.

• 19:16Speaker 01

  Maybe. Anyway, I've gone back to the wired headphones, which, which are good, but when I'm listening around the kitchen, the amount of times that they get stuck on a drawer handle.

• 19:26Speaker 00

  It's, it's, it's so pathetic. You're like a dog that forgets it's got a lead on and goes for someone as they're walking past the garden. You're like, you're like, get caught on stuff. And the amount of times I've seen you either cooking or like, pontificating with your hands, like gesturing and you flick the fucking wire and your ear, your ear thing comes flying out and I'm like,

• 19:45Speaker 01

  I know.

• 19:45Speaker 00

  Stay at home, man.

• 19:46Speaker 01

  And I've left, I've lost a pair already, so.

• 19:49Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 19:49Speaker 01

  That's what I can have for my birthday.

• 19:51Speaker 00

  You're the problem.

• 19:51Speaker 01

  Can I have that for my birthday?

• 19:52Speaker 00

  What?

• 19:53Speaker 01

  Can I just have three pairs of headphones?

• 19:54Speaker 00

  Pathetic.

• 19:55Speaker 01

  Why?

• 19:56Speaker 00

  But yes.

• 19:56Speaker 01

  But I want stuff that I'm gonna use.

• 19:58Speaker 00

  Lose. You want stuff you're gonna lose.

• 20:00Speaker 01

  Use lose. I'm gonna send you a little list, because I need a top up of loads of stuff.

• 20:05Speaker 00

  For your 40th, you just want a top up. Well, just get that anyway and let me just get you something, get you a little surprise.

• 20:10Speaker 01

  I don't need anything. Waste, it's a waste. I want a top up. I need, I need cleansers, moisturizers, serums. I need stuff, eye creams, lotion, tan, lotions and potions.

• 20:22Speaker 00

  Lotions and potions.

• 20:23Speaker 01

  And you can just do, I'll do your little list.

• 20:25Speaker 00

  And the safe romance is dead. Great.

• 20:27Speaker 01

  It's not that romantic.

• 20:28Speaker 00

  Last thing about the stag do, which was very funny. So they were staying in the university halls and one of them need, one of the lads needed an iron and there's no irons in the room. And he went down to what was, you know, the makeshift reception or whatever area where, you know, the main bit. And he said, do you have an iron? And the lady said, yes, can you, can you, have you got any money for a deposit? It's like a 20 euro deposit or whatever. And he's like, I haven't got any money. Have you got a card machine? She was like, no. And he was like, well, what do I do? And she went, well, you need to leave something. That means you're gonna come back and give it back.

• 20:58Speaker 01

  God, what did he leave his passport?

• 20:59Speaker 00

  His fucking watch. He went, will a watch do? He had a fucking Breitling on, which is an expensive watch. He went, will me watch do? For a laugh, apparently she looked at it intently, like one step short of getting a, like, you know, like monocle things that they look at it. And went, yeah, that'll do. Kept his fucking couple of thousand pound watch.

• 21:16Speaker 01

  For an iron.

• 21:17Speaker 00

  And he went up and eyed his stuff and came back and swapped it back. Unbelievable.

• 21:20Speaker 01

  That's mad. That's mad.

• 21:22Speaker 00

  Unbelievable.

• 21:24Speaker 01

  Wow. All right. Okay.

• 21:25Speaker 00

  And then one of the lads in the group sent a video of a T-shirt on a thing with his watch in his hand, just rubbing his watch on his top as if he was ironing.

• 21:34Speaker 01

  Okay, that's nice.

• 21:35Speaker 00

  Bana, bana, lads, lads, lads, lads. And then I went over dearly because I can't handle it. Lads, legend, legend.

• 21:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, well.

• 21:45Speaker 05

  When fall comes back around, there's a sense of a reset. And new pieces from Lululemon's Fall Drop are an inspiration to push your goals and elevate your routines. As your calendar fills, easy-to-layer styles meet the demands of your day. And as you challenge yourself to try even more, versatile sets transition with you. The Lululemon Fall Lineup brings new levels of comfort and confidence, whether you're starting something fresh or starting something over. Check out the latest arrivals in-store and on lululemon.com now.

• 22:14Speaker 03

  Ugh, I hate Mondays. King's Hawaiian Cinnamon Swirl Bite? Uh, Taylor Hansen? Sure, I'll try one. Mmm.

• 22:23Speaker 06

  Hey, let's get back to work, please.

• 22:25Speaker 03

  But Taylor Hansen's making my day way better with these new soft and swirly King's Hawaiian Cinnamon Bites.

• 22:29Speaker 06

  Taylor Hansen? Nice. Try one. Mmm.

• 22:36Speaker 04

  King's Hawaiian Cinnamon Bites. There's nothing like it.

• 22:46Speaker 00

  It's time for What's Your Beef?

• 22:48Speaker 01

  What's your beef? What's your beef? What is your beef?

• 22:52Speaker 00

  Um, again, I have... Stop that. I've been a delight recently, so I can't imagine there was any beefage. But ladies first.

• 23:00Speaker 01

  Um, I had a couple of things, and I thought you might have...

• 23:02Speaker 00

  A couple?

• 23:03Speaker 01

  Always. All... You think you're a delight.

• 23:05Speaker 00

  Haven't even been here.

• 23:05Speaker 01

  You're not a delight.

• 23:06Speaker 00

  Come on, then.

• 23:07Speaker 01

  Um, I have got a couple deliberately because I thought you might have mentioned one of them.

• 23:11Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 23:12Speaker 01

  Because I know what you like.

• 23:14Speaker 00

  Okay, I'm just having a big sip of water. I hope you big water bottle.

• 23:16Speaker 01

  Um...

• 23:20Speaker 01

  God, do you remember when you used to do that all the time? Do you remember during the podcast, you would just...

• 23:23Speaker 00

  Take a drink.

• 23:24Speaker 01

  You'd just take drinks all the time?

• 23:25Speaker 00

  Listen, I'm keeping me... Keeping me whistle wet.

• 23:32Speaker 00

  I'm keeping me whistle wet, and I'd thank you to back off.

• 23:36Speaker 01

  I love that phrase.

• 23:37Speaker 00

  What? Wet your whistle?

• 23:38Speaker 01

  Wet your whistle.

• 23:39Speaker 00

  Wet your whistle. Lovely, isn't it? It's something I don't say enough.

• 23:42Speaker 01

  I don't say it enough at all. I think it's dying out, and I don't want to do it.

• 23:45Speaker 00

  Bring it back. Let's get it on t-shirts.

• 23:47Speaker 01

  Wet... Wet your whistle.

• 23:49Speaker 00

  Wet me whistle. Wet me beak. I quite like wet me beak as well.

• 23:51Speaker 01

  Wet your beak.

• 23:52Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 23:52Speaker 01

  Wet your whistle. It's a bit old, man, isn't it? It's a bit creepy. Reminds us of...

• 23:55Speaker 00

  That's not bringing it up.

• 23:56Speaker 01

  Don't want to kill comedy, but honestly, perverts. Um, you broke your finger.

• 24:02Speaker 00

  Um, I have.

• 24:04Speaker 01

  Or you've done something to it.

• 24:05Speaker 00

  Spreeing my finger.

• 24:06Speaker 01

  You've done something to it.

• 24:07Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:07Speaker 01

  At Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.

• 24:08Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 24:09Speaker 01

  And it just, okay, if there was anything, if you,

• 24:12Speaker 00

  You can see on the camera.

• 24:13Speaker 01

  If you went to the supermarket and hurt your finger or something like that, if you did anything and hurt your finger, you would be slagging that place off so, so much, right?

• 24:23Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:23Speaker 01

  But you hurt yourself at Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, you don't mention it.

• 24:28Speaker 00

  Part of the course, mate. And you. Stoic.

• 24:30Speaker 01

  No.

• 24:30Speaker 00

  Stoic.

• 24:30Speaker 01

  I just think it's because you know that I literally would be like, I, I kind of inside him thinking, why the fuck do you do this?

• 24:37Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:37Speaker 01

  You just keep hurting yourself. So you're playing it down. I, that's genuinely quite bad.

• 24:42Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's massive, isn't it?

• 24:43Speaker 01

  It's really swollen. Let's have a look compared to the other one.

• 24:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's bad.

• 24:47Speaker 00

  These two here, yeah, they're really fat, especially the ring, like the opposite of the ring finger.

• 24:50Speaker 01

  That's silly.

• 24:51Speaker 00

  Divorce finger.

• 24:51Speaker 01

  And, oh yeah, great.

• 24:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 24:53Speaker 01

  Can't, can't wait to use that. Um, it was just funny this morning because we were both downstairs and I did this deliberately. I don't know whether you noticed.

• 24:59Speaker 00

  Right.

• 25:00Speaker 01

  But you were like, oh, can you, can you do the breakfast? And I was like, what's, what's the matter?

• 25:05Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm.

• 25:06Speaker 01

  So you?

• 25:07Speaker 00

  I just did it anyway.

• 25:08Speaker 01

  You did it. And I, at one point I was like, should I take over? But, but I know that you can't slag off your injuries from playing Jiu Jitsu.

• 25:15Speaker 00

  I can't, I can't. So yeah, again, like if I was somewhere.

• 25:17Speaker 01

  So I thought you can make the fucking breakfast.

• 25:19Speaker 00

  If I was somewhere else and it happened, I'd be suing.

• 25:19Speaker 01

  I know.

• 25:20Speaker 00

  But, you know, it was, it was, I haven't, in my defence, I haven't been injured for ages and it was a total freak accident. No, I was, I was there last week.

• 25:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, but you're sniffing for that purple belt, aren't you?

• 25:29Speaker 00

  Slipping.

• 25:30Speaker 01

  No, someone's mentioned it to him going, oh, you might be ready. And you're literally now.

• 25:35Speaker 00

  They didn't say I might be ready. They just said, they reckon it's probably not very long, which was a very nice thing to say, but they might just be saying to keep us going. But anyway, um.

• 25:43Speaker 01

  They're just after your money.

• 25:44Speaker 00

  He's, the man is not affiliated in any way who said it and he's a black belt. He knows what he's talking about. But anyway, it was, he might just say it to be nice. He might just be being nice. But anyway, listen. Um, it was just someone was trying to arm bars and they could try and get their head over the, the leg over the top of my head and I tried to stop it and I hit me, he's got little legs and I hit his shin and it hurt, but it was fine.

• 26:01Speaker 01

  So gay.

• 26:02Speaker 00

  Listen, my beef with you is.

• 26:04Speaker 01

  Uh, you can't possibly have been a delight. I've been really trying to be nice.

• 26:06Speaker 00

  And it's related to this. I had my finger strapped up last night and you refused to wash my feet.

• 26:12Speaker 01

  Oh, Jesus. What the fuck? I'm not washing your feet? I'm sorry, no. I'm sorry, no. No.

• 26:20Speaker 00

  I had been outside in the garden, playing football with our son, barefoot, and my feet were dirty and I couldn't wash them because I'd strapped my fingers up, which didn't help at all. And I said, will you wash my feet? And you said no. And your card is marked, mate. Because I'm, till death do us part, sickness and then health, right? I was an invalid.

• 26:38Speaker 01

  That was self-inflicted.

• 26:39Speaker 00

  Doesn't matter, still a sickness.

• 26:40Speaker 01

  You washing, you cleaning and wiping my arse and vagina during childbirth was not self-inflicted. In fact, you did that.

• 26:48Speaker 00

  Yeah, fucking begged for it, man.

• 26:49Speaker 01

  Whatever. Don't be disgusting. This was self-inflicted. And also, like, I don't know, just wipe them. Get a Detol wipe.

• 26:59Speaker 00

  A Detol wipe?

• 27:00Speaker 01

  What are you going to wash your fucking feet for?

• 27:01Speaker 00

  Get a Detol wipe on me feet.

• 27:02Speaker 01

  Do you know one of the best films ever, by the way? And I've just watched it for the second time while I was on the Peloton yesterday.

• 27:07Speaker 00

  Sorry?

• 27:07Speaker 01

  Oh, Peloton. Oh, Steph, what have you done?

• 27:11Speaker 00

  Oh, your friend says Peloton.

• 27:12Speaker 01

  Peloton, when I was on the Peloton.

• 27:14Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 27:14Speaker 01

  Peloton, yesterday. I watched The Green Book again.

• 27:18Speaker 00

  Ah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 27:18Speaker 01

  And the bloke, who I love, by the way, the Italian bloke, when he gets into bed, it's like the 50s or whatever. And he just like wipes his feet before he gets in with his hands and he's like that.

• 27:29Speaker 00

  Oh, you love that. But I, literally a couple of weeks ago on the podcast, someone told you that, Reece James.

• 27:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, ick. Yeah, I know.

• 27:36Speaker 00

  Told you that I had a little mat next to my bed and I wiped my feet on it. And I'm a cunt for doing that, but this guy's lush for doing it.

• 27:40Speaker 01

  He didn't have a little mat on the side of his bed. He just wiped his hands. It's quite manly and masculine. I'm here in real life, I just said it was just an observation.

• 27:49Speaker 00

  Do you see what I live with? Do you see what I live with?

• 27:50Speaker 01

  But also, also, I don't want to wash your feet.

• 27:53Speaker 00

  Your card is marked.

• 27:55Speaker 01

  If something happened.

• 27:56Speaker 00

  You are in debit.

• 27:58Speaker 01

  If something happened, I've been thinking about this recently because I know I joked a few years ago saying I wouldn't look after you. Or no, what did I say? Oh, no, I stand by it. No, I would look after you. I would wash your feet. I would wash you, Willie. I'd feed you and do everything, but I would have a boyfriend on the side. That's what I said. I actually still ask for me mat.

• 28:13Speaker 00

  Wash your Willie's upset me. That's upset me so much.

• 28:15Speaker 01

  I would wash you, Willie. I'd keep you nice and clean, nip and... I would. I would. I love you. Till death do us part. I would look after you, but also...

• 28:24Speaker 00

  You didn't wash my feet last night.

• 28:26Speaker 01

  Because you're not, because you went to BJJ and hurt your fingers? Cuddling other men?

• 28:31Speaker 00

  It's the jealousy. It's the jealousy. Yeah, jealous. You're jealous. I'll let you arm bars if you want. You can go arm bars. I'll sure overdo it. You'd be quite good.

• 28:40Speaker 01

  Why?

• 28:41Speaker 00

  Because you've got hips.

• 28:45Speaker 00

  It's time for questions from the public.

• 28:50Speaker 00

  Public. As always, if you'd like to get in touch, it is [email protected] for long form written correspondence. And if you'd like to send a voice note to the WhatsApp, it is 07874406650.

• 29:06Speaker 01

  Can't believe people are still sending stuff in.

• 29:08Speaker 00

  Amazing. Love you.

• 29:08Speaker 01

  I just love it.

• 29:09Speaker 00

  Well, love you so much. Thank you.

• 29:10Speaker 01

  Seven years. Seven years.

• 29:14Speaker 00

  Can't clap very loud because I've got an injured finger and dirty feet. Very dirty feet.

• 29:18Speaker 01

  And that's how we're still going. Because we're able to actually be horrible to each other, but it's deep rooted from love. We couldn't do this if we didn't love each other, you know?

• 29:26Speaker 00

  No.

• 29:26Speaker 01

  There's no way.

• 29:27Speaker 00

  No, it has to be. Yeah, I know what you mean.

• 29:29Speaker 01

  I do love you.

• 29:29Speaker 00

  I can't hold your hand very hard.

• 29:30Speaker 01

  Oh, God.

• 29:31Speaker 00

  I can't. Look at how big and fat they are.

• 29:32Speaker 01

  It's really bad.

• 29:33Speaker 00

  Horrible, aren't they?

• 29:34Speaker 01

  I can't feel sorry for you.

• 29:36Speaker 00

  Try. Try. Try your best.

• 29:38Speaker 01

  No. If I, again, I know I keep saying it as yoga, if I just went to yoga every other day and came back and like couldn't walk to bed off bad hips and shit like that, you wouldn't have any sympathy for me.

• 29:48Speaker 00

  It'd almost be like, it'd almost be like when you did the full week of the GNS and the GNS concerts and then you were tired for three days and I was so understanding and lovely the whole time.

• 29:58Speaker 01

  Do you want to go here? How many stag do's you been on this year? How many more trips are you gonna have? Fuck off. GNS is part of my trip allowance.

• 30:08Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 30:09Speaker 01

  I will start, I will start a fight. I don't give a shit because I'm gonna win.

• 30:13Speaker 00

  So we've just gone.

• 30:13Speaker 01

  We, no.

• 30:14Speaker 00

  We've gone from, I love you, this is great, we've done this for seven years, to, I'll start a fight.

• 30:18Speaker 01

  Well, because fucking I hate being married.

• 30:20Speaker 00

  Oh, there it is.

• 30:21Speaker 01

  Because if we weren't married, we could have those kids, 70, 30, and I could get away more.

• 30:26Speaker 00

  In your favour.

• 30:27Speaker 01

  In my favour. You fucking, 50% of my childhood.

• 30:31Speaker 00

  No chance.

• 30:31Speaker 01

  My children.

• 30:32Speaker 00

  Children's childhood.

• 30:33Speaker 01

  No way.

• 30:33Speaker 00

  Shut up and do your voice notes, man.

• 30:34Speaker 01

  All right, okay.

• 30:35Speaker 00

  Damn you.

• 30:37Speaker 07

  I I have just listened to your episode on the fifth of June about the warts and buying the warts of fake ears and I actually I can't I had to stop and message it my voice note in. So my son had warts all over his feet, all over his hands. He was about to start school. I was really embarrassed and also he yeah, it just wasn't great. So we went to the doctors. They treated it a couple of times. It wouldn't go away. They referred us to a specialist. We live in Australia, so it costs like six hundred dollars for the specialist. And she literally, she went through them. She looked at it. She said that we had to rebook in for um the treatment, another whatever amount of dollars.

• 31:18Speaker 01

  Hang on. If she says that the doctor bought these warts, I'm gonna die.

• 31:22Speaker 00

  Right. Uh uh first of all, six hundred dollars is insane, by the way.

• 31:26Speaker 01

  For kids' warts.

• 31:27Speaker 00

  That's mental.

• 31:28Speaker 01

  They don't have NHS over there, do they?

• 31:29Speaker 00

  I don't know how it works. I think it's a safe.

• 31:31Speaker 01

  Right, well, it'll be private. It'll be like insurance.

• 31:33Speaker 00

  That's fucking wild. Go on then.

• 31:35Speaker 01

  I think she's gonna say that. I think she's gonna say that the boy, I swear to God, right, how are we?

• 31:40Speaker 07

  It was gonna be really expensive. And as my son walked out, she pulled me back and she said, if you just tell him that you are treating the warts, so every night when he goes to bed, you tell him, you go to sleep, and then when you're asleep, I'll come in and I'll do the treatment that the lady told me to, then they will go away. And I kid you fucking not.

• 32:02Speaker 00

  No.

• 32:02Speaker 07

  We done it for about six weeks before we started seeing a difference, I would say. And within three months, they were all gone, all gone. Both of our sons have gone too. Six hundred dollars to get that. Fucking ridiculous. It is unbelievable. I know it sounds mental, but it's true.

• 32:21Speaker 00

  I can't.

• 32:21Speaker 01

  I'm sorry, what witchcraft are warts? What are warts? What are warts?

• 32:26Speaker 00

  This is so weird.

• 32:27Speaker 01

  That's insane.

• 32:28Speaker 00

  So many people are saying this.

• 32:29Speaker 01

  Don't let her know that.

• 32:31Speaker 00

  I mean, I'd love to know where this doctor was operating from.

• 32:33Speaker 01

  I told the witch doctor I wasn't over you.

• 32:36Speaker 00

  Was it a fucking hut?

• 32:37Speaker 01

  That's madness.

• 32:39Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 32:39Speaker 01

  So do you think it was stress induced by the kid and you'd tell them that it's alright?

• 32:44Speaker 00

  That's the whole, we're saying it's bollocks, right? But placebo effect, yeah, yeah, but the placebo effect is a scientific thing.

• 32:52Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 32:52Speaker 00

  So maybe this whole, I'm buying the mophie and then, oh, it's gone and maybe, I don't know. Or what stress, or what stress related?

• 33:00Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 33:01Speaker 00

  Worry dolls is different because a worry is not a physical thing, a wart is a physical thing.

• 33:05Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, fair enough. Um, by the way, guys, just letting you know, my verruca is still alive and kicking. It's got a lot better.

• 33:11Speaker 00

  I want that ten pence back.

• 33:12Speaker 01

  I don't think you did put it in my bank.

• 33:13Speaker 00

  Fucking transferred ten pence to you.

• 33:15Speaker 01

  Can I tell you though, it's a lot better than it was, but you haven't got a verruca now, have you?

• 33:19Speaker 00

  Uh, not that I know of.

• 33:20Speaker 01

  It's getting a lot better.

• 33:21Speaker 00

  Do you think maybe it was worth, maybe it knows it's worth, it's holding out for a better?

• 33:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, ten pence is pathetic, actually.

• 33:28Speaker 00

  Right.

• 33:28Speaker 01

  Speaking of ten pence, that was a good segue.

• 33:31Speaker 00

  Well, until you say it was a good, until, until there's thirty seconds of silence and then you say that was a good segue.

• 33:36Speaker 07

  Hi, Chris and Rosie. So I was just catching up on your most recent episode where Rosie's talking about how much she paid for a packet of polos. And I can beat that. So not polos, it was a freddo. And obviously we know how much freddos used to cost back in our day, ten pence. But they've gone up, like what with the cost of living crisis. Um, my youngest son wanted a freddo and I paid one pound ten.

• 34:01Speaker 00

  No.

• 34:02Speaker 07

  They should be ashamed of themselves.

• 34:04Speaker 00

  Where?

• 34:05Speaker 01

  No.

• 34:05Speaker 00

  Where was this, a service station on the fucking moon?

• 34:08Speaker 01

  What?

• 34:08Speaker 00

  One pound ten?

• 34:09Speaker 01

  America? What are you talking about? No, they're not one pound ten.

• 34:13Speaker 00

  One pound ten is wild.

• 34:14Speaker 01

  They're twenty five, I'm sure they're twenty five pence. Oh my God, what have they gone up since then? No, you can get, I'm sorry, you've been done. Wait till Christmas or after Christmas, they're in the selection boxes for like a pound. That's wild. I won't have that. They're not one pound ten.

• 34:33Speaker 00

  Uh, Google reckons between thirty five, thirty four pence and forty five pence, depending where you buy it.

• 34:39Speaker 01

  Which is crazy, by the way. God, ten pence. Loved a freddo. Do you know what else I loved more? Taz. Fucking taz. They're not called them now. They're not called taz's anymore, why not?

• 34:51Speaker 00

  Because taz is not popular anymore. Looney Tunes was huge when we were kids.

• 34:54Speaker 01

  Oh, is that what they were named after? I thought it was just called a taz. Like the opposite of the Fredo. But now I think they've turned it just a caramel Fredo.

• 35:03Speaker 00

  Fredo was chocolate and then the Taz was.

• 35:05Speaker 01

  Caramel.

• 35:06Speaker 00

  It was Tas minion devil and it was caramel inside. And now.

• 35:09Speaker 01

  Brilliant marketing though, because I've just called it a Taz for years.

• 35:12Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 35:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:13Speaker 00

  But it was, it was named after the character.

• 35:15Speaker 01

  I didn't know that.

• 35:17Speaker 00

  But then Fredo wasn't a Looney Tune, so that doesn't make any sense.

• 35:19Speaker 01

  This is what I'm trying to say to you. When are you gonna? When are you gonna?

• 35:23Speaker 00

  Am I gonna get shit for saying Looney Tunes by the way? Was it Looney Toons? Looney Toons? Toons is songs. Looney Toons.

• 35:28Speaker 01

  Oh, he's called it Looney Tunes, I think. I don't know. We are the Animaniacs.

• 35:34Speaker 00

  That'll do.

• 35:35Speaker 01

  Love that.

• 35:37Speaker 00

  It's terrifying that. £1.10 for a Fredo.

• 35:39Speaker 01

  I've just been, I'm sorry, that's silly.

• 35:41Speaker 00

  Shafted.

• 35:41Speaker 01

  Was that a situation where you actually like get to the counter and just pay? Same what I did with them polos. £1.10. In my head I was going, are you fucking joking me?

• 35:48Speaker 00

  That's got WH Smith Service Station written all over it, that has.

• 35:51Speaker 01

  That's got Corner Shop made it up.

• 35:55Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 35:55Speaker 01

  That's got Corner Shop, that's got multi-pack should not be sold separately.

• 35:58Speaker 00

  Yes, yes, yes, yes. Well done.

• 36:01Speaker 01

  They have. What did I buy as well? Yesterday? I was in Jesmond. But it was an off licence in Jesmond.

• 36:09Speaker 00

  What are you doing spending our money in Jes- are you mental? For anyone who doesn't know, Jesmond is a very posh area of Newcastle. Half studenty, half incredibly posh. What are you, don't you?

• 36:19Speaker 01

  I was in Jesmond. How dare I?

• 36:21Speaker 00

  The fuck are you thinking you are?

• 36:22Speaker 01

  I don't know who the fuck do I think I am? So anyway, I got a packet of Mentos. And they were a pound.

• 36:27Speaker 00

  Good God.

• 36:28Speaker 01

  Fucking pound.

• 36:28Speaker 00

  Good God.

• 36:29Speaker 01

  Oh, they're still in the car. Do you know what I had there? This is, I've got a problem.

• 36:32Speaker 00

  Your car's a fucking bin on wheels, by the way.

• 36:34Speaker 01

  Your car's, your car's vile. Your car, I hate your car.

• 36:38Speaker 00

  I hate you. It's not. It's, sorry, I love my car. It's not? Anytime I go anywhere in your car, do you know I've got to wheel the wheelie bin up your car?

• 36:46Speaker 01

  Stop using me car. Stop.

• 36:48Speaker 00

  Sometimes I do.

• 36:49Speaker 01

  I hate it.

• 36:50Speaker 00

  I've got to wheel the wheelie bin up, open all your doors and empty everything in the wheelie bin. Disgusting.

• 36:54Speaker 01

  Guys, this is the main beef between us because Chris just loves to load it up in his car. He's special little fancy car that he, it doesn't let the kids eat in, bloody, bloody, blah.

• 37:06Speaker 00

  Yeah, but if I'm going for a muck in his driveway, would it be your car? Yeah, of course, because your car's a bin on wheels. Mine is not.

• 37:10Speaker 01

  It's not a bin on wheels. I cleaned it the other day. I took it to Asda and I did the Hoover. Which was a grim experience, by the way, and ruined a pair of me pants.

• 37:18Speaker 00

  Right.

• 37:19Speaker 01

  Just like, you know, the extension, the lead that it's on.

• 37:22Speaker 00

  Yeah, the scruffy as fuck.

• 37:22Speaker 01

  Oh God, that was upsetting. Anyway, I took Oliver to his prom.

• 37:26Speaker 00

  Nice.

• 37:27Speaker 01

  So.

• 37:27Speaker 00

  Our nephew Oliver.

• 37:29Speaker 01

  Our nephew Oliver. And I've got a really nice car, but it looks shit. Do you know, can we talk about proms?

• 37:33Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 37:34Speaker 01

  Alright, our kids have got a little while till their prom.

• 37:36Speaker 00

  Oh, it's gonna be helicopters and fucking flying cars by then. You're gonna have to drone them in and drop them.

• 37:41Speaker 01

  Well, last year, when I dropped down, when we went to see Daniel off at his prom, I was like, jeez, I went to Kate, I went to Kate. I didn't know, like, the kids went to school. I didn't know the school was like such a rich school.

• 37:53Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 37:54Speaker 01

  Because people were dropping them off. There was like, there was Rolls Royce, there was Lamborghinis.

• 37:58Speaker 00

  Yep.

• 37:58Speaker 01

  But their parents were driving them and I'm like, where the fuck, like, who's got a Lamborghini?

• 38:02Speaker 00

  Know someone who's got them and they're getting insured for the day, or they rent them, or they borrow them, or whatever, yeah.

• 38:06Speaker 01

  They're hiring them.

• 38:07Speaker 00

  Crazy.

• 38:08Speaker 01

  And I was just like, sorry, what?

• 38:11Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's crazy.

• 38:12Speaker 01

  What?

• 38:13Speaker 00

  Yeah. Mad. I don't, I don't understand.

• 38:15Speaker 01

  It made my car look like a piece of shit.

• 38:17Speaker 00

  And, and it's, well, it made it, the bin on wheels, that it is.

• 38:20Speaker 01

  And it is, really.

• 38:21Speaker 00

  Was one of the footsteps out and one of them not?

• 38:23Speaker 01

  No, I fixed, do you know, it was just dirt.

• 38:25Speaker 00

  Dirt, yeah, yeah, it's just dirt.

• 38:26Speaker 01

  Because I took it to the car wash and now the deployable, what are called footsteps. Because for a long time, I was, for two months, I was seething.

• 38:35Speaker 00

  Because you had to climb.

• 38:36Speaker 01

  Because I, because I've got a big car, because I love it, because I've got a little person syndrome. And, but I was having to like hike myself up on the wheel.

• 38:45Speaker 00

  Oh, God.

• 38:46Speaker 01

  To get in.

• 38:46Speaker 00

  Washing the roof.

• 38:46Speaker 01

  And I was like, I'm paying the month, the monthly bloody payments, I'm paying for this.

• 38:50Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 38:50Speaker 01

  And I'm having to hike myself in like I'm, I'm working on a fucking farm.

• 38:56Speaker 01

  And I was like, I can't take me nana anywhere in it, because she couldn't get in.

• 38:59Speaker 00

  God.

• 39:00Speaker 01

  So I was like, what's the point? Anyway, it's fixed now, because I think it was just dirt.

• 39:03Speaker 00

  It was just dirt. Yeah, yeah, just dirt. Again, bin on wheels, both inside and out. Congratulations.

• 39:08Speaker 01

  I think you're not living your life to its full extent if your car isn't a little bit dirty inside. I don't fully trust people.

• 39:15Speaker 00

  Takes two seconds to just clean the inside. Just take all the cans and fucking murrays out of the side compartment and put them in the bin.

• 39:19Speaker 01

  But in my defence, right, here is out. Do you know when, we'll pick the kids up from school or something, or have I been to the supermarket? I've got loads to carry.

• 39:27Speaker 00

  I have as well, I make a few trips. Sometimes I've got, sometimes on a Monday morning, if you pick them up on Friday, on a Monday morning, I've got to go back into your car and get the bags that have sat there all weekend in the back of your car.

• 39:35Speaker 01

  They don't have anything in them that are the need. So they can just stay there?

• 39:38Speaker 00

  Awful. Get them out of the car.

• 39:40Speaker 01

  How about you use your car? How about that? How, how about that?

• 39:43Speaker 00

  Not if they're getting a drive-through. They've got fucking no chance. They get a drive-through in my car, it sits on the knees unopened until we get home.

• 39:50Speaker 01

  Oh, you're horrible. The Jewett McDonald's, actually, or some sort of, the Jewett takeaway. It's gonna, it's Friday night, I put them off last week. Listen, what, all I was saying is, I'm, I'm a big fat greedy pig. Me one pound Mentos from Jesmond, I ate half the pack on the way home. And I had to open me glove compartment going over the Tynbridge. And I had to throw them in and close the glove, so I couldn't reach in and get them.

• 40:15Speaker 01

  So they're actually, so they're still there, I'm looking for them.

• 40:17Speaker 00

  Was it, why did you crash on the felon bypass? I was trying to get the Mentos back out of the glove compartment.

• 40:22Speaker 01

  I've got problems. Just everything in, in excess.

• 40:25Speaker 00

  Yesterday I bought some Doritos, big pack of Doritos, and I put them in the cupboard. And I came downstairs after putting the kids to bed, and you went, why have you bought Doritos? I went, don't eat them. You went, no.

• 40:33Speaker 01

  Can't.

• 40:33Speaker 00

  We had a bowl of Doritos. We ate the full bag.

• 40:35Speaker 01

  We ate the full?

• 40:36Speaker 00

  So there it is.

• 40:38Speaker 01

  Full bloody bag. God, they're delicious though, aren't they?

• 40:41Speaker 00

  Oh, shitty, we're doing those, forget it.

• 40:43Speaker 01

  I love crisps, mate.

• 40:44Speaker 00

  Forget it.

• 40:44Speaker 01

  Oh, God. Babadu, babadu, babadu, ba.

• 41:50Speaker 01

  Oh, okay. So I've got, I've had an email here.

• 41:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 41:53Speaker 01

  Um, it's, it's about like Mormon stuff.

• 41:56Speaker 00

  Cool.

• 41:57Speaker 01

  But I, but this is the thing, right? I know loads about this because I watched The Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, where a lot of Mormons live.

• 42:04Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 42:04Speaker 01

  And also. Salt Lake City. And also.

• 42:10Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 42:11Speaker 01

  Mormon Wives.

• 42:12Speaker 00

  Yes.

• 42:12Speaker 01

  TikTok.

• 42:13Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 42:14Speaker 01

  Is that what it's called? The Real Lives of Mormon Wives?

• 42:16Speaker 00

  The Real Lives of Mormon Wives.

• 42:17Speaker 01

  No, it's not part of the.

• 42:18Speaker 00

  I think it's called, I think it's called The Real Lives of Mormon Wives Live.

• 42:22Speaker 01

  You wouldn't like that one.

• 42:23Speaker 00

  I don't think I'd like any of them, but carry on.

• 42:24Speaker 01

  No, you would. You'd love Real Housewives. But the Mormon Wives one is a little, I don't know. I liked it at first, but it's a bit ridiculous. And then the husbands got too involved and honestly, shut up. Shut. Nobody wants.

• 42:38Speaker 00

  You shut your mouth. This is Mormon Wives, not Mormon husbands.

• 42:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, honestly. And they start, so it was mum talk that the Mormon Wives did, right?

• 42:46Speaker 00

  Mum talk?

• 42:47Speaker 01

  There's a TikTok where they're just all like Mormon.

• 42:50Speaker 00

  Wives.

• 42:51Speaker 01

  Women, wives.

• 42:52Speaker 00

  So is this the one where he's got loads of wives?

• 42:55Speaker 01

  No, no.

• 42:56Speaker 00

  So Mormons aren't the ones that have got loads of wives? I'm not being ignorant here. I just don't know.

• 43:00Speaker 01

  Some of them do. Some of them are polygamists.

• 43:02Speaker 00

  Right, so they have loads of wives.

• 43:03Speaker 01

  But these don't.

• 43:04Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 43:04Speaker 01

  But the, it's, this is, so this is what I'm trying, so you don't know anything about this, but I know all about this. And you're gonna blow your, it's gonna blow your mind, right?

• 43:10Speaker 00

  Fantastic. I love learning stuff.

• 43:12Speaker 01

  Yeah. Um, I'm writing, I'm writing you from the US, specifically from Salt Lake City, Utah. Also known as the land of the Mormons.

• 43:24Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 43:26Speaker 01

  Yes, the polygamist ones. I was actually raised a Mormon, so I think I might have some insider info you'd be, you'd find interesting.

• 43:32Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 43:33Speaker 01

  For context, I'm no longer a Mormon, which will make sense once you read the rest.

• 43:37Speaker 00

  Right.

• 43:39Speaker 01

  Firstly, most Mormons are actually not polygamists. So they don't have multiple wives.

• 43:44Speaker 00

  I get you.

• 43:45Speaker 01

  And these are fundamentalist Mormon groups who continue to practise polygamy in secret. Those are the ones in the Netflix, like the baddies, those are the no, no, no, no, no.

• 43:55Speaker 00

  The baddies, right.

• 43:56Speaker 01

  Netflix documentaries that I watch, which is mainly just tiddlers who want loads of women.

• 44:01Speaker 00

  One step short of a cult is what you're saying.

• 44:03Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 44:04Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 44:04Speaker 01

  But you know, but listen.

• 44:06Speaker 00

  But I'm sure there are Mormons out there who practise polygamy who are fine and it's okay.

• 44:09Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 44:10Speaker 00

  That's what we're saying. There we go. Covered that. There we are.

• 44:12Speaker 01

  I.

• 44:12Speaker 00

  Just, just leave it.

• 44:14Speaker 01

  Anyway, I'll just tell you about the stuff.

• 44:16Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 44:17Speaker 01

  Oh yeah, they don't drink coffee because God told them not to, apparently. It's like a religious thing, like caffeine's a no, no, coffee's bad, but.

• 44:24Speaker 00

  I've heard of that in religions, yeah, yeah.

• 44:25Speaker 01

  But they do drink, um, caffeinated soda.

• 44:29Speaker 00

  Makes more sense.

• 44:30Speaker 01

  Yeah. So there's in Utah, like on the Mormon wives.

• 44:34Speaker 00

  Right.

• 44:34Speaker 01

  There's loads of soda shops, so they just drink like.

• 44:39Speaker 00

  They don't drink alcohol, do they?

• 44:40Speaker 01

  They don't drink alcohol.

• 44:41Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 44:42Speaker 01

  But they go, but they take ketamine.

• 44:45Speaker 00

  Sorry.

• 44:46Speaker 01

  They do ketamine to like go in trances and stuff and yeah, it's really fucked up. So they won't have coffee.

• 44:53Speaker 00

  That's fucked.

• 44:53Speaker 01

  But they'll drink like diet.

• 44:54Speaker 00

  All of them are just specifically the ones you watch on the telly?

• 44:57Speaker 01

  Specifically, I don't know about all of everybody, but we can't talk about everyone.

• 44:59Speaker 00

  Oh, what you having there, Shandy? Bad for you that. Get some smack. Like.

• 45:04Speaker 01

  Behind closed doors, things get weirder. Mormons believe, as many Christians do, that sex before marriage is sinful.

• 45:10Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 45:11Speaker 01

  Despite this, young Mormons across Utah have found a clever way of getting past that particular rule.

• 45:17Speaker 00

  Oh god.

• 45:18Speaker 01

  These young people engage in what is called soaking. Have you heard about this?

• 45:23Speaker 00

  No.

• 45:23Speaker 01

  You haven't heard, I knew you hadn't heard about this.

• 45:25Speaker 00

  Soaking.

• 45:25Speaker 01

  To properly soak, a young man must insert his penis into his partner's vagina, but he must not thrust. So this is like, they think that this is okay because you're not really having sex. You're not thrusting. All right?

• 45:39Speaker 00

  You're just docking, just.

• 45:42Speaker 01

  Docking? Docking? That's what it's called? We've talked about this before?

• 45:45Speaker 00

  No, docking's where you put your dick down the end of someone else's dick.

• 45:48Speaker 01

  Ah!

• 45:53Speaker 00

  You must know that that was the thing.

• 45:56Speaker 01

  Have we talked, we've talked about docking?

• 45:57Speaker 00

  I think we have, yeah. I think it's in the foreskin. I don't think it's fully down the dick. I just, it's just awful. Just sorry to everyone. Sorry that came out of nowhere.

• 46:03Speaker 01

  So is that a part of the gay world?

• 46:05Speaker 00

  Well, I don't think fucking three fellas are doing it.

• 46:07Speaker 01

  No. No, but I've got-

• 46:09Speaker 00

  Me and Jordan didn't do it in Dublin for a laugh.

• 46:11Speaker 01

  Well.

• 46:12Speaker 00

  Passed the time. Put tans of football on.

• 46:13Speaker 01

  I've got gay mates. I've never heard of them talk about docking.

• 46:15Speaker 00

  Oh, look, I think it's a really specifically weird thing. Like, you know, like freezing shit and all that. It's one of them ridiculous off-the-wall things.

• 46:23Speaker 01

  I'm gonna have to, I'm gonna have to ask all the gays about docking.

• 46:24Speaker 00

  But soaking doesn't make any sense. They shouldn't call it soaking. It should be called, few, few of them, it should be called dipping.

• 46:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, dipped up.

• 46:31Speaker 00

  It should be called parking.

• 46:33Speaker 01

  I love docking. I thought that was a perfect explanation.

• 46:35Speaker 00

  It's already taken. It's taken by a much worse one.

• 46:37Speaker 01

  Alright.

• 46:37Speaker 00

  Parking, dipping.

• 46:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 46:39Speaker 00

  Um.

• 46:40Speaker 01

  Tasty, tasting.

• 46:42Speaker 00

  No.

• 46:42Speaker 01

  Just having a little lick, like taste, like you're just tasting it.

• 46:45Speaker 00

  No, no. I think, I think it should be called parking. We're gonna call it parking.

• 46:47Speaker 01

  Okay, parking. I like that. Um, okay, but what happens is, and I've heard this on many, multiple things.

• 46:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 46:53Speaker 01

  Uh, for some reason, it's become a consensus that the thrusting is the part God would object to. I have to agree with that, because that's where the pleasure comes from.

• 47:00Speaker 00

  Well, it's a bit of violence in it, so yeah.

• 47:02Speaker 01

  Yeah. Uh, don't ask me why. As you can imagine, this isn't a very satisfying experience for either party. Fortunately, the creativity- The creativity doesn't end there. This is when you phone a friend, so to speak. Beautiful Mormon friends, usually young men, will then begin to jump on the couple's bed, allowing their friend to successfully have sex without breaking God's commandment. They call this jump pumping.

• 47:26Speaker 00

  I honestly, right, a couple of things.

• 47:28Speaker 01

  I've heard about this before.

• 47:28Speaker 00

  First of all, I thought you were gonna say either basically grab their mate's hips and go like, "To me, to you, to me, to you", which I would have enjoyed a lot more. Um.

• 47:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:39Speaker 00

  I just, am I impressed?

• 47:43Speaker 00

  With the creativity of that.

• 47:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, they've found a way to get around it.

• 47:46Speaker 00

  So they lie on them, like, you know the scene in The Inbetweeners? Where he just lies on top of her?

• 47:51Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 47:51Speaker 00

  So you just lie there and the other people bounce on the bed?

• 47:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:56Speaker 00

  And they think that's better than just, so a full on.

• 47:58Speaker 01

  They can't, they can't have sex because they've been brought up religi-

• 48:02Speaker 00

  I'm sorry, then, that, that, this is full sex. You're having full sex and there's extra people there. You're having a fucking orgy. It's worse. This is worse than just having sex.

• 48:12Speaker 01

  But apparently that's what happens, so that's.

• 48:13Speaker 00

  Well, people will always find a loophole.

• 48:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, good for them.

• 48:16Speaker 00

  Look at the legal system, for god's sake.

• 48:17Speaker 01

  I know, good for them, as long as everyone's consenting and they're just doing a bit of parking. Good for them.

• 48:23Speaker 00

  Parking.

• 48:26Speaker 01

  I just thought you might find that interesting.

• 48:27Speaker 00

  I find it so bizarre. Nah, I like being told that. So there's certain things, I won't watch the full show, but if you tell us the best bits, I'll just take the highlights. I'll take the highlights.

• 48:36Speaker 01

  Okay, well, I'm hoping.

• 48:37Speaker 00

  But you already knew about this?

• 48:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, I've known about this for donkeys.

• 48:41Speaker 00

  God grief.

• 48:42Speaker 01

  Heather, Heather Gay talked about it on Salt Lake City years ago.

• 48:47Speaker 00

  Jumping up and down.

• 48:48Speaker 01

  It's great.

• 48:50Speaker 00

  Wow, how do you, I don't know how they don't, I don't know how, you must have some serious willpower to not thrust. To just sit there.

• 48:57Speaker 01

  Oh my god, yeah, imagine.

• 48:59Speaker 00

  Unbelievable.

• 49:00Speaker 01

  I wonder if they can dry hump? There'll be a lot of dry hump and going about.

• 49:03Speaker 00

  They don't bloody need to, do they? You've been out of dry hump, but you're not being able to thrust. You can't move, it's the same, might as well just park, might as well park up. It's called a, is it a park up or a drive by?

• 49:13Speaker 01

  It's awful, isn't it? Babadu babadu babadu ba. Hi guys.

• 49:17Speaker 00

  Hi.

• 49:17Speaker 01

  Listening to Rosie talking about people asking if she was missing a belt from the dress she sold on Vinted.

• 49:23Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 49:24Speaker 01

  And it reminded me of something similar.

• 49:25Speaker 00

  Mm-hmm.

• 49:26Speaker 01

  I had one of those Phil and Ted's double buggy years ago. Phil and Ted's?

• 49:31Speaker 00

  Phil and Ted's double buggies?

• 49:32Speaker 01

  Like Amazing Adventures?

• 49:35Speaker 00

  Phil and Ted.

• 49:36Speaker 01

  Oh, I've never heard of Phil and Ted. Wonder if it's American?

• 49:41Speaker 00

  Kind of tight, isn't it, your finger?

• 49:42Speaker 01

  Oh god. Is this a brand?

• 49:48Speaker 01

  Alright, it must be a-

• 49:49Speaker 00

  Oh, it's the one where it's like a bunk bed pram, where one kid's underneath, fucking like-

• 49:54Speaker 01

  Oh, nice.

• 49:54Speaker 00

  Not nice. I often think the one underneath, just like-

• 49:57Speaker 01

  On the concrete.

• 49:57Speaker 00

  You turn to the side and you see the ground whizzing past, or that look up and just see the back of it.

• 50:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, but-

• 50:01Speaker 00

  It's like on the worst Ryanair flight ever.

• 50:03Speaker 01

  But, in, in Phil and Ted's defence, like, have you ever tried to push a double buggy round a shop?

• 50:09Speaker 00

  Well, yeah. Either two lengthways or wideways, yeah, you've got no chance.

• 50:13Speaker 01

  Just a nightmare.

• 50:14Speaker 00

  Yeah, you're not getting around home bargains, one of them.

• 50:16Speaker 01

  Um, I thought it would be a good idea, but in the end, it was a frigging pillbox of a yoke.

• 50:22Speaker 00

  Joke?

• 50:23Speaker 01

  Yo- yoke. I think people say yoke for joke.

• 50:25Speaker 00

  Oh god.

• 50:26Speaker 01

  What?

• 50:27Speaker 00

  Oh god.

• 50:29Speaker 00

  Ah, stop the, stop the planet, I wanna get off, I've had enough. People are just transposing in words, what are you doing? You're, it's, is it, that's the thing now, when people say, is it a typo or is it a new fucking phrase?

• 50:41Speaker 01

  Maybe. I've, I've heard of someone saying, oh, what, he's a yoke, or a wo- leo, I don't know. I don't know, I'm not, I'm not cool enough.

• 50:48Speaker 00

  Pillbox of a yoke?

• 50:50Speaker 01

  Frigging poxball, oh, poxball of a yoke.

• 50:56Speaker 00

  Who?

• 50:57Speaker 01

  We can't talk, we're Geordies and we say rad stuff all the time.

• 51:00Speaker 00

  It was a darn tootin', like, what the hell?

• 51:04Speaker 01

  But this might be like, is this brummy?

• 51:07Speaker 00

  I don't know.

• 51:07Speaker 01

  Poxball of a yoke.

• 51:09Speaker 00

  I don't know, come on then.

• 51:10Speaker 01

  Anyway, doesn't matter. Uh, used it literally a handful of times, but sold to family friend.

• 51:16Speaker 00

  Oh, well, there we go.

• 51:17Speaker 01

  She was fucking chasing me to buy a pump for them wheels as they needed to be pumped up, but I never got a pump with it.

• 51:23Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 51:23Speaker 01

  And she hounded me. Ended up telling her to fuck off, as the pram had originally cost around £800, she got it for, she got it from me for £100. Go and buy a pump, you scabby cow. Still grinds my gears 15 years later.

• 51:34Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 51:35Speaker 01

  And that's it.

• 51:36Speaker 00

  Wow. All of that for that?

• 51:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:40Speaker 00

  Wow. Because of the belt, I understand, right?

• 51:44Speaker 01

  She's just upset.

• 51:45Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 51:46Speaker 01

  Why can't we hear people's feelings?

• 51:47Speaker 00

  Eight hundred quid to a hundred quid, she's done alright there, like yeah, go buy a fucking pump.

• 51:50Speaker 01

  Dodging effort, she's asking for the pump. Some people are just, do you know what I mean?

• 51:54Speaker 00

  Yeah, it's just not enough, is it? It's just not enough. Nothing's enough.

• 51:59Speaker 01

  You asked me this morning if I'd get you a dog for your fortieth.

• 52:02Speaker 00

  Right.

• 52:04Speaker 01

  Listen to this.

• 52:05Speaker 00

  Okay, can I just say, it's because, I go through stages.

• 52:08Speaker 01

  You're not allowed to buy dogs as presents, by the way.

• 52:10Speaker 00

  I know, I go through stages, the gardener's dog, Paddy, he's just so lush, he comes around and he's just a... Do you know what, a day, he was looking at us through the glass door at the back, I'd already given him a stroke and stuff and he was looking at us through the glass door. He did one of the cleverest things I've ever seen, he was looking at us for ages, trying to get my attention, I kind of like waved at him. And he sat for ages thinking I was coming to the door and I walked past the door, he gets down, he takes me flip flop and sprints into the middle of the garden with the flip flop and turns around and looks at us, so I open the door and go give us that back and he's like, ah, because I stroke while you're here. I was like, you clever little fucker.

• 52:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, clever, clever once a week.

• 52:41Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 52:42Speaker 01

  Ten times a day, still clever.

• 52:44Speaker 00

  I was just like, oh.

• 52:46Speaker 01

  Well, listen. Hello, Rosie and Chris, long time listener, first time emailer. My dog Hamish is a dick.

• 52:54Speaker 01

  No need to keep me or my dog anonymous.

• 52:56Speaker 00

  Hamish McDick.

• 52:57Speaker 01

  I love that, because he deserves to be shamed.

• 53:00Speaker 00

  Great.

• 53:01Speaker 01

  Hamish is a cross between a standard poodle, the big ones, and a flat-coated retriever.

• 53:07Speaker 00

  Right.

• 53:09Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 53:09Speaker 00

  So he's a golden doodle.

• 53:11Speaker 01

  Pretty much.

• 53:12Speaker 00

  Right.

• 53:12Speaker 01

  Two working breeds, which should make him clever, but really just make him a high-energy asshole.

• 53:17Speaker 00

  Yeah, brilliant.

• 53:18Speaker 01

  I'm writing this email because you have both spoken a lot about potentially getting a dog, but I'm here to provide some harsh reality.

• 53:24Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 53:24Speaker 01

  This is what you need to hear.

• 53:25Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 53:26Speaker 01

  All right. Hamish is known in our vets as a scavenger. He has, he has had two stomach surgeries and been forced to throw up once due to the idiotic things he has eaten.

• 53:37Speaker 00

  Oh no.

• 53:38Speaker 01

  First was a whole chicken carcass.

• 53:40Speaker 00

  The can't have, so he could eat it, he could eat it raw.

• 53:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:44Speaker 00

  But the can't have it once the bones are being cooked because they go brittle and they get the shards in them.

• 53:48Speaker 01

  Left on the kitchen counter after a roast dinner. That, I love a chicken carcass.

• 53:53Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 53:53Speaker 01

  So you know it would be.

• 53:54Speaker 00

  You and the dog, you're gonna, yeah, growling at each other for it.

• 53:57Speaker 01

  That came up the way it went down, so he vomited that up. Good luck, good boy. Second was a lamb coughed a skewer.

• 54:03Speaker 00

  The skewer?

• 54:04Speaker 01

  The skewer. This was at a barbecue and the skewer was six inches long and was cut out of him.

• 54:11Speaker 00

  Oh.

• 54:12Speaker 01

  Just, I leave loads of shit around.

• 54:15Speaker 00

  You do. Headphones. Imagine how many headphones our dog would eat.

• 54:18Speaker 01

  Oh my god. Airpods.

• 54:22Speaker 01

  Um, it was still in one piece. Third was a corn on the cob. The middle isn't digestible and it was wedged in his digestive tract.

• 54:30Speaker 00

  Dickhead.

• 54:30Speaker 01

  I think he's just a greedy dog.

• 54:32Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 54:33Speaker 01

  Like, you know, when some of them, some of them are just like.

• 54:35Speaker 00

  They will just eat until they die. They don't care.

• 54:38Speaker 01

  Um, now we'd, oh, our dog will be so fat.

• 54:41Speaker 00

  No, no, it's abuse. You can't, you've got to have a, you've got to have a, an athletic dog. You can't have a big fat dog or you're not doing your job. It's not cool.

• 54:48Speaker 01

  You can't outrun a bad diet. I would feed that little bafucker.

• 54:52Speaker 00

  It'd be horrible.

• 54:53Speaker 01

  Oh god.

• 54:53Speaker 00

  He loves chili heat, we have Doritos. He's, Rosie's literally being sick. He's being sick now.

• 54:59Speaker 01

  But he loves a, he loves a little rice. Um, now for the worst thing he has done.

• 55:04Speaker 00

  That's not, they're not the worst. Oh god.

• 55:06Speaker 01

  He likes to roll in things.

• 55:08Speaker 00

  Oh no.

• 55:08Speaker 01

  Now you're thinking shit.

• 55:09Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 55:10Speaker 01

  Which has to be, which has been, oh my god, yeah.

• 55:13Speaker 00

  They're often, they're often rolling fox shit.

• 55:14Speaker 01

  Foxing catch it.

• 55:15Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 55:16Speaker 01

  Me maid's, there's dog Ronnie. I'll never forget.

• 55:19Speaker 00

  Ronnie?

• 55:19Speaker 01

  Oh, he was lush, like, he was, he was same as Paddy. Uh, he rolled in fox shit and he came back to her house and I'm, obviously I've never had a dog and I, and I was like, what the fuck is that? It didn't, do you what? It didn't come out.

• 55:33Speaker 00

  Of course not.

• 55:33Speaker 01

  Didn't come out of him. The smell for days.

• 55:35Speaker 00

  Horrendous.

• 55:36Speaker 01

  Disgusting.

• 55:38Speaker 00

  Wow.

• 55:38Speaker 01

  Disgusting. I can still, you know, when you're like, I can smell it. It's left such an, that's an impression. Um, recently, this is what he's been rolling in, it was a dead bird. Yes, you read that correctly. A rotting bird corpse, which he shimmyed his whole body along while out playing on a local field.

• 55:56Speaker 00

  Why would you do that?

• 55:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 55:59Speaker 01

  She says, I can hear Chris retching from you.

• 56:00Speaker 00

  I am? Cause it's like, I get, well, no, I don't.

• 56:03Speaker 01

  If you want a dog, this is what you've got to, this is the crack.

• 56:06Speaker 00

  Why do the, I'd be really interested in why they're rolling shit. Why do they roll in stuff?

• 56:10Speaker 01

  Is it like a?

• 56:11Speaker 00

  You can't get rid of it. Is it to get rid of it?

• 56:15Speaker 01

  Or to own it?

• 56:16Speaker 00

  Yeah, that's what I'm saying, to like wipe it up and then, oh my, I know I'm here, get rid of that, now I'm here.

• 56:21Speaker 01

  I honestly don't know, let her know, someone will email in.

• 56:23Speaker 00

  Horrible.

• 56:24Speaker 01

  Um, a few years back, we went in, oh, but this is what really, will really upset you.

• 56:29Speaker 00

  No, worse than the bird.

• 56:30Speaker 01

  Few years back, we went to Norfolk for my parent, my partner's nanny's funeral. We were walking along the beach with my partner and his parents, suddenly Hamish disappeared out of sight.

• 56:41Speaker 00

  Fucking lead, he's obviously an absolute nightmare.

• 56:44Speaker 01

  We followed him and found him rolling along the sand, assuming it would just be shit, we didn't panic too much, until we got closer. Hamish was rolling in, oh, it's a mysteries, mysteries, mysteries.

• 56:54Speaker 00

  Oh, I was gonna say, can I guess, I know what it is.

• 56:55Speaker 01

  It's not the dead nana.

• 57:00Speaker 00

  Fucking hell. Well, that's what they do in Norfolk, they just take her on the beach, take her on the beach, just let her lie there, let the tide come and take her, it's what you would have wanted.

• 57:08Speaker 01

  It's what the country folk do, it's not the dead nana.

• 57:10Speaker 00

  No, uh, I know, I think I know what it is. I think I know what it is, cause I think I know, sometimes they wash up on the beach round here and it's disgusting, jellyfish.

• 57:18Speaker 01

  No.

• 57:19Speaker 00

  That's not.

• 57:19Speaker 01

  No.

• 57:20Speaker 00

  Come on then.

• 57:21Speaker 01

  A dead seal pup.

• 57:25Speaker 00

  That, that.

• 57:29Speaker 00

  That, that has upset me so much.

• 57:32Speaker 01

  I know. What are you more upset about, the dead seal or the, the lack of respect from the dog?

• 57:36Speaker 00

  Everything.

• 57:37Speaker 01

  Everything.

• 57:37Speaker 00

  Everything.

• 57:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:38Speaker 00

  The pup, the dead seal pups upset us, the fa- this dog's a fucking psycho. Oh, what's that, dead, are you kidding me, you fucking get a bit of that, will you, eh? Oh, God.

• 57:50Speaker 01

  I know.

• 57:51Speaker 00

  Dog's a fucking lunatic.

• 57:52Speaker 01

  I swear my mother-in-law was ready to throw him in the sea and leave him there, he looked so proud of himself.

• 57:57Speaker 00

  What the hell, man?

• 57:58Speaker 01

  Do you still want a dog?

• 57:59Speaker 00

  No.

• 58:00Speaker 01

  Right.

• 58:01Speaker 00

  That's the thing.

• 58:01Speaker 01

  So, before you get a dog, ask yourself how many animal corpse smells you are willing to wash off your dog all the best.

• 58:06Speaker 00

  Oh, nah, again, I, I, I will never forget, uh, Nick Grimshaw, when he had his dog, Pig.

• 58:12Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 58:13Speaker 00

  The dog was called Pig.

• 58:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:15Speaker 00

  I don't know if he's still got that dog, lovely dog, hyper as fuck, but I remember we were in a dressing room and he was like, oh yeah, fuck it, he was like, he said, he was like, the thing about kids, it was genius, he was like, the thing about kids, he was like, he pointed at the dog, he went, that fucker will never be able to make me a cup of tea. And I was like, that's so fucking bang on, like, Robin could possibly, if I taught him how to do a coffee, he could possibly make us a coffee.

• 58:35Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, for sure.

• 58:36Speaker 00

  He could definitely go to the fridge and get us a beer.

• 58:37Speaker 01

  By the way, Robin is a lazy little shit.

• 58:39Speaker 00

  Yeah, he's lazy as fuck.

• 58:40Speaker 01

  And he needs to start doing stuff by himself, cause he's getting older now, and like. He loves a bit of mom, get us a drink, mom do this.

• 58:47Speaker 00

  Yeah, yeah.

• 58:47Speaker 01

  And I'm, I'm, okay. I'm not gonna do it anymore.

• 58:50Speaker 00

  I can't shake your hand, I've got a injury.

• 58:51Speaker 01

  Right, other one. We're not gonna do it anymore.

• 58:53Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 58:53Speaker 01

  He needs to start getting his own stuff, he's 10 now.

• 58:55Speaker 00

  Okay.

• 58:56Speaker 01

  Right?

• 58:56Speaker 00

  Yeah.

• 58:57Speaker 01

  Are you gonna be on board with that?

• 58:58Speaker 00

  And when he rolls, when he rolls in there, man, animal carcass, he says, we'll just hose him off in the garden, all right?

• 59:02Speaker 01

  He's gone.

• 59:02Speaker 00

  No more coming in the house and using the bath, you fuck off.

• 59:05Speaker 01

  We need to have a word with the kids.

• 59:06Speaker 00

  Hmm.

• 59:07Speaker 01

  That the slip and slide on a night time is not a real, like, wash.

• 59:12Speaker 00

  Yeah, this is getting upsetting.

• 59:13Speaker 01

  Cause.

• 59:13Speaker 00

  Cause the weather's nice, we're doing the slip and slide.

• 59:15Speaker 01

  Every night, so three days passed and they were like, we're bead washed and I was getting these habits.

• 59:20Speaker 00

  Cause they're like, we're on the cold water on the slip and slide and there's fairy liquid on, this is a bath, it's not a bath.

• 59:25Speaker 01

  I mean, listen.

• 59:26Speaker 00

  It's not a bath.

• 59:26Speaker 01

  Did I, oh.

• 59:29Speaker 00

  What did you do?

• 59:31Speaker 01

  Did I the other night, get a flannel in the paddling pool and get some of the water from the slip and slide and rub their crotches?

• 59:41Speaker 00

  This is fucking disgusting.

• 59:42Speaker 01

  And backsides, did I, maybe I did.

• 59:44Speaker 00

  You're vile, you wouldn't be asked if a dog was rolling, you would just let it, dog would roll in, we'd have a dog, it would roll in carcasses and that, you go, I let him on the sofa, he's all right.

• 59:51Speaker 01

  No, I've, no, I've, are you talking, Minos? Minos? You honestly thi- with Minos?

• 1:00:00Speaker 00

  Oh, I thought you'd named the dog.

• 1:00:07Speaker 00

  Minos, come, Minos, I thought you'd already named the do- Matt, you think I'm letting Minos run? That was so weird.

• 1:00:17Speaker 00

  I was so confused. Got bloody, my pride and joy, my, little Minos, you think I'm letting, you think I'm letting him roll on the stuff?

• 1:00:25Speaker 01

  Say it enough, it's happening, Minos, Minos Ramsey, no, I, I forgot with, I need to say with.

• 1:00:32Speaker 00

  With Minos, right. Oh, I think I've, fuck it, I've got a headache off that, that was so confusing. It's all right. I hated every second of that. Oh, I've gone all hot.

• 1:00:44Speaker 01

  I've got a really good sense of smell. Like, we're getting the sofas cleaned on Thursday because I can't, one of the sofas smells so bad. I can't sit on it.

• 1:00:55Speaker 00

  It's disgusting. And when that room heats up and you've got that door open, it's just putrid.

• 1:00:59Speaker 01

  It's so bad.

• 1:00:59Speaker 00

  But that's been the kids sitting bare asses after their baths, eating cereal sofa for a long time. That'll mainly be snot, shit and milk. It'll be, oh yeah, man.

• 1:01:08Speaker 01

  It's kids' cocks. It's disgusting.

• 1:01:10Speaker 00

  It'll be snot, shit and milk. That's what it'll be. It's disgusting.

• 1:01:13Speaker 01

  It's vile. It is mostly little, little...

• 1:01:17Speaker 00

  And that's the thing though. Add little minnows on there as well. It's gonna be dog feet and dog arse as well. Minnows, come here. Minnows.

• 1:01:23Speaker 01

  Minnows? Minnows? It sounds like exotic.

• 1:01:25Speaker 00

  Sounds a bit like Milo.

• 1:01:26Speaker 01

  It does sound a bit like Milo, but my nose...

• 1:01:28Speaker 00

  Freaked us out hugely. Didn't know what was going on.

• 1:01:30Speaker 01

  Sorry about that. You're welcome.

• 1:01:37Speaker 01

  Thank you, as always, for listening to this week's episode of Shark Mountain Night.

• 1:01:41Speaker 00

  Thank you very much indeed. We'll be back in years next week. Please continue to like, rate and subscribe. And if you want to send anything in, it's [email protected]. And I don't know the number off by heart yet. I can't be arsed to reach over from my phone, but it's earlier on in the podcast and it's on your little podcast list and chrissramseycomedy.com.

• 1:01:55Speaker 01

  I knew I was gonna remind you, but you've...

• 1:01:56Speaker 00

  While we're on it, because the tour starts in September. Very, very excited to get back on the road. So we'll hopefully see you all then. Cheers.

• 1:02:03Speaker 01

  Bye.

• 1:02:12Speaker 02

  Whenever fall comes back around, it always feels like a fresh start. This year, I've been layering in some styles from the new Lululemon fall drop because the weather is shifting and I find I have to be ready for the entire day and not just one part of it. Lululemon's fall line has some really versatile transitional pieces. So I can just wake up, throw on a matching set, add a jacket or a fleece and head out, knowing that I'll feel comfortable enough to go wherever the day takes me. Check out the new fall arrivals in store and online now at lululemon.com.

• 1:02:41Speaker 03

  Ugh, I hate Mondays. King's wine and cinnamon swirl bite? Taylor Hanson? Sure, I'll try one.

• 1:02:51Speaker 06

  Hey, let's get back to work, please.

• 1:02:52Speaker 03

  But Taylor Hanson's making my day way better with these new soft and swirly King's Hawaiian cinnamon bites.

• 1:02:57Speaker 06

  Taylor Hanson? Nice. Try one. Mmm.

• 1:03:04Speaker 04

  King's Hawaiian cinnamon bites. There's nothing like it.