Why 99% of Relationships FAIL (Do THIS Today to Find Lasting Love!) | Michael Todd

Today we have a special guest, Pastor Michael Todd, who is a renowned spiritual leader and relationship expert. Pastor Michael and his wife, Natalie, have been leading Transformation Church in Tulsa, Oklahoma, since 2015. They are known for their impactful teaching on relationships, marriage, and personal growth. Michael Todd is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of Damaged but Not Destroyed, Relationship Goals and Crazy Faith and is the lead pastor of Transformation Church in Tulsa, Oklahoma, with over 5,000 people in physical attendance and over 250,000 viewers live online every week. With a 6.3M+ and growing social following, Todd speaks at a variety of influential churches, events, and conferences each year, including Elevation Church, C3 Conference, Lakewood Church, VOUS Conference, Relentless Church, XO Conference, and has been featured on many prominent media outlets such as The Today Show, Fox & Friends, Forbes, Ebony, The 700 Club, and the Tamron Hall Show. He and his wife, Natalie, have been married since 2010 and live in Tulsa, Oklahoma, with their four beautiful children: their daughters, Isabella, Ava, and Gia, and their son, Michael Jr. Learn more at iammiketodd.com. Buy his book: Damaged but Not DestroyedIn this episode you will learn,The importance of addressing and healing past trauma to become better partners in current relationships. The concept of a "kingdom couple" – a dynamic duo that transcends the conventional relationship. Learn what it means to build a powerful partnership rooted in purpose, trust, and shared values. How selecting the right partner can significantly impact your journey towards fulfilling your life's purpose. Michael Todd delves into the importance of self-discovery and purpose-driven living for a fulfilling relationship. How the intimate aspect of a partnership can either strengthen or strain the connection between two individuals. For more information go to www.lewishowes.com/1508For more Greatness text PODCAST to +1 (614) 350-3960Want more episodes on relationships? Sheleana Aiyana - https://link.chtbl.com/1436-podLewis Howes solo episode on relationships - https://link.chtbl.com/1450-pod Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Lewis Howes?

  My friend, I am such a big believer that your mindset is everything. It can really dictate if your life has meaning, has value, and you feel fulfilled, or if you feel exhausted, drained, and like you're never going to be enough. Our brand new book, The Greatness Mindset, just hit the New York Times Bestseller back-to-back weeks. And I'm so excited to hear from so many of you who've bought the book, who've read it, and finished it already, and are getting incredible results from the lessons in the book. If you haven't got a copy yet, you'll learn how to build a plan for greatness through powerful exercises and toolkits designed to propel your life forward. This is the book I wish I had when I was 20, struggling, trying to figure out life. 10 years ago, at 30, trying to figure out transitions in my life,

• 0:45Lewis Howes?

  and a book I'm glad I have today for myself. Make sure to get a copy at lewishouse.com/2023mindset to get your copy today. Again, lewishouse.com/2023mindset to get a copy today. Also, the book is on Audible now, so you can get it on audiobook as well. And don't forget to follow the show so you never miss an episode.

• 1:10Michael Todd?

  If you can't deal with you, if you can't look at yourself in the mirror, if you can't forgive yourself, if you can't say, "We failed back there, but there's still greatness in the inside of you." If you can't do that to yourself, it's very difficult to love somebody else at that level.

• 1:25Lewis Howes?

  Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 1:49Lewis Howes?

  Welcome back, everyone, to the School of Greatness. Very excited about our guest. We have the inspiring Pastor Michael Todd in the house.

• 1:54Michael Todd?

  Yes, sir.

• 1:55Lewis Howes?

  Very excited that you're here. Thank you.

• 1:57Michael Todd?

  First off, congratulations to you, my brother. You are killing it, and you and your beautiful Beyonce.

• 2:03Lewis Howes?

  Thank you, man.

• 2:04Michael Todd?

  I don't know. I had to fly out here for this interview.

• 2:07Lewis Howes?

  I'm excited, man.

• 2:08Michael Todd?

  Last time we did this, it was phenomenal.

• 2:10Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, man.

• 2:10Michael Todd?

  And I'm just excited to be with you, bro.

• 2:12Lewis Howes?

  I'm excited, man. You are a... A rising spiritual leader in the world, you've got an incredible church and community in Oklahoma. You have written a New York Times bestselling book, multiple books, number one New York Times bestselling book of relationship goals, which we had you on here for last time, and now you've got a new book, Damaged But Not Destroyed, From Trauma to Triumph.

• 2:34Michael Todd?

  Yes, sir.

• 2:34Lewis Howes?

  That I think is going to really inspire and impact a lot of people, and I'm excited for people to dive into this. Because I think a lot of people are driven by wanting to have love and success.

• 2:45Michael Todd?

  Yes, sir.

• 2:46Lewis Howes?

  They want to have, feel empowered and powerful. But a lot of us are driven to get into relationships or driven to be successful based on some type of wound or trauma of not feeling enough, not being lovable, having something that's holding us back, and we're trying to prove ourselves.

• 3:04Michael Todd?

  Yes, sir.

• 3:05Lewis Howes?

  I raise my hand from the past of me being in that situation in

• 3:09Michael Todd?

  Me too.

• 3:09Lewis Howes?

  Business, sports, and relationships. And we were just talking about this before. That drive, that wound can get us to incredible heights.

• 3:19Michael Todd?

  Yeah.

• 3:21Lewis Howes?

  But it can also be the thing that kills us.

• 3:23Michael Todd?

  Yes, sir.

• 3:24Lewis Howes?

  And burns us out and go through breakup and hardship.

• 3:28Michael Todd?

  Yeah.

• 3:29Lewis Howes?

  I want to start with relationships before we get into success.

• 3:32Michael Todd?

  Okay.

• 3:33Lewis Howes?

  Why do you think a lot of relationships aren't working out today?

• 3:37Michael Todd?

  Yeah.

• 3:38Lewis Howes?

  Specifically to our culture and society, is it because people are choosing wrong? Is it because they're getting into a relationship at the wrong time? Is it because they're not clear on the tools on how to have healthy relationships and intimacy? What do you think is wrong with relationships today?

• 3:57Michael Todd?

  So first off, I want to say that relationships are how we were, I believe, designed to interact with each other in this life. So for everybody that's listening and watching, be like, that's why I don't do no relationships. I don't want no relationships. Like, you're missing out on, I believe, what is the fabric? The most valuable connection you could have is authentic, real, life-giving relationship with somebody else. So, so for everybody that's been hurt, I just feel to start there, to everybody who's been burned and wounded and all that other stuff. I do believe that this is how God intended for it, to be us to be in relationship. But the reason to answer your question, why I think it's so hard and it doesn't seem like

• 4:40Michael Todd?

  a lot of people are doing well in relationship is because of three reasons. Number one, I don't think that they're bringing their full self to the relationship. I think many times when people start in relationship, they really give versions of themselves. And I understand it to a degree, but some people have been married for 10 years and still they've never met who they really are married to. Oh. Some people have been in business with people for years and they've never really met their business partner. Right. They're getting these versions of them that are triggered by, number two, their trauma. Mm hmm. So, so, so, so the version I present of you is not really who I am. It's who I am after I was in the relationship with the last guy.

• 5:24Michael Todd?

  It's after I'm in the relationship with the last business partner. So when I come, I don't come with fresh trust. I don't come with fresh expectation. I don't come assuming the best. I come to you like, maybe you won't hurt me like the other person did. So I'm gonna give you this much because I never want to actually feel that again. Wow. And you can never really love unless hurt is an option. Say that one more time. You can never really love is being hurt is not an option. Interesting. And a lot of people are trying to mitigate the hurt so they also mitigate the amount of love they can feel. Interesting. And at the level that you are vulnerable, it's the level that you can actually experience the love, the acceptance, the joy that you really want in a marriage.

• 6:09Michael Todd?

  And so I always ask people, I was like, who are you bringing to this relationship? Are you bringing the broken, battered, wounded, jacked up pessimistic version of yourself to this? Are you actually saying, you know what? I need to start over. This is a brand new person. I need to maybe not even be in a relationship right now so I can go heal. And that's my burden of even this book and some of the things that I'm talking about. I really feel like the quality of our life would increase if we would allow the quality of our healing to increase. And most people don't want to take the time to heal. I mean, you used to play ball. Like, think about it. Every contact sport has an off-season. And the primary reason for an off-season is what?

• 6:53Lewis Howes?

  Healing.

• 6:53Michael Todd?

  Healing. I've been getting hit. I've been running. I've been lifting weights. I've been ripping and tearing and all the different things. And so I need a season so that I can become the version of me that I know I can be up here. But my body, my emotions, my will needs time to become that in here.

• 7:11Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 7:12Michael Todd?

  And a lot of people are jumping from relationship to relationship, business entrepreneurship to business entrepreneurship partner. They're going from this to that. And I'm scared that many people aren't reaching their greatest purpose or their greatest height because they have not taken the time to actually heal. And so that would be the answer to my question, to your question holistically. I think people aren't doing good in relationships is because they're not tending to themselves.

• 7:40Lewis Howes?

  Right, they're not tending. So you said not bringing the full self to the other person, whether it's intimacy, whether it's friendship or business. They're allowing their traumas to guard them or hold them back as well because they're not allowing themselves to recover or heal. What would be the third thing, did you say?

• 7:57Michael Todd?

  I would say that the third thing of this, now my mind, you got my mind going a thousand places. Now I'm ready to start Relationship Goals Part Two. But the third thing would be that they do not give, they don't tend to themselves.

• 8:09Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, they don't tend to themselves, yeah.

• 8:10Michael Todd?

  So what ends up happening is, I'm a person of faith and so the Bible says that you can only love your neighbor at the level that you love yourself.

• 8:19Lewis Howes?

  So if you have a level two out of 10 of self-love.

• 8:23Michael Todd?

  You only can give at maximum a two.

• 8:26Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 8:27Michael Todd?

  And a lot of times you don't give nobody else the maximum.

• 8:29Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 8:30Michael Todd?

  So again, if you can't deal with you, if you can't look at yourself in the mirror, if you can't forgive yourself, if you can't say we failed back there, but there's still greatness in the inside of you. If you can't do that to yourself, it's very difficult to love somebody else at that level. And that's where I think a lot of times our relationships are really a reflection. The reason it's not working is because you can't divorce you. But you can let go of him. And you don't like what you're getting from you, but you can not like what you're getting from them and try it again. And so I think that sometimes I'm talking heavy right now, Lewis. But what I am saying is I feel like some people need to take time to reflect and remember,

• 9:13Michael Todd?

  to, to, to retool and then renew. And I think that's how out of that your relationships will be so much more vibrant. They will be so much more intentional as well as you'll get to experience the fruitfulness and the joy out of those relationships. Because you've done enough work on you to know what you're actually looking for.

• 9:34Lewis Howes?

  This idea of healing is something that I've really loved over my last decade. But specifically over the last two and a half years, I've dived deeper into internal and spiritual healing.

• 9:47Michael Todd?

  Yes, sir.

• 9:47Lewis Howes?

  And it has created a level of peace and an internal environment of harmony that I've never experienced in my life.

• 9:54Michael Todd?

  Yes, sir.

• 9:55Lewis Howes?

  That allows me to see clearly, or at least more clearly, right? Of who's in front of me, what I want, it just gives me more awareness. But I remember many years, if not decades, feeling very anxious when a relationship wasn't working out, going through a breakup and feeling like I gotta get back on, you know, my relationship game quickly. And never really taking the time to heal because it was really scary. It was really scary to face the trauma or the shame or the whatever it was I was holding on to. It was scary and all I wanted was intimacy and connection with someone else. I didn't want to be alone.

• 10:34Michael Todd?

  Yes.

• 10:34Lewis Howes?

  I don't know if anyone can relate to this.

• 10:36Michael Todd?

  Everybody can relate to that. Everybody can.

• 10:38Lewis Howes?

  So for those who are like, you know what, but it's just, it feels, I feel so alone. I feel so scared. This trauma, I don't even want to think about it because it's so dark.

• 10:48Michael Todd?

  Yeah.

• 10:48Lewis Howes?

  Or it's so hard for me to focus on. What do you say to people that are really struggling, that really want love, really want intimacy and connection and just deep compassion with someone else, but they're afraid to do the healing work because the trauma is so scary?

• 11:04Michael Todd?

  So, I would say to you, because I know there's thousands of people watching this that feel that exact same thing. You need to examine the pattern.

• 11:14Lewis Howes?

  Man, that's so true.

• 11:15Michael Todd?

  Because if this is a pattern of you continually getting hurt because you do not heal, then it might be better for you long-term to do the work to heal so that you can cut the cycle.

• 11:30Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 11:31Michael Todd?

  I think about, rest in heaven Kobe Bryant, when he tore his Achilles. And he said he could come back and play before he was fully healed. He was ready. I mean, and he would have probably been better than nine out of 10 people on the floor. He could have fooled everybody, but he knew he wasn't his 100%.

• 11:58Lewis Howes?

  He wasn't his best.

• 11:59Michael Todd?

  He was not his best. So if it came down to the last minute when he really needed to be his best, he wouldn't have what he needed to have. So they took the time for him to actually heal. What I'm saying is you may be fooling everybody. You may, your Instagram is popping, your business is successful, you got the bag and the body and you got all the different things, but you know, deep down in your soul, your mind, will and emotions, you know you're still hurting. And so what ends up happening is you come in limping to love. You limp into love.

• 12:31Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 12:32Michael Todd?

  Instead of leaping into love.

• 12:33Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 12:34Michael Todd?

  You should be able to go a lot higher, but because you're still aware of the thing that you need to be healed, you don't go. And so what I'm saying is, if this is a pattern, if this is, if this been the same, it was John and then it was Joey and then it was Julio, then it was Jaquan and then it was Jared, like if it's the same thing, you might want to step back and get a new perspective because the pattern is the same. And a season of discipline can produce a lifetime of freedom.

• 13:03Lewis Howes?

  Come on.

• 13:04Michael Todd?

  And that's where I just, my encouragement, I've counseled too many people, I've been around too many people, I've helped so many people get through this hump in their life. And what they realize is what they're scared of, they need the most. That intentional time with themselves, that intentional time with God, that intentional time with community, that intentional time in counseling. They need that because if you discover you, if you find out who you were made to be and walk in your purpose and get confident in that thing, then you actually will attract what you really want to love. And most people are attracting to their insecurities.

• 13:40Lewis Howes?

  Oh, man, that's true.

• 13:42Michael Todd?

  You're attracting based on your trauma, not on the healed version of you.

• 13:46Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 13:46Michael Todd?

  And so you're looking for somebody to play savior and they can't. They've never been able to have that ability in this life. And so I would just encourage those people, I know it's hard. I know it's frustrating. I know you probably even tried before. But as someone who can identify with you, like as someone who did not want to face their trauma, did not want to talk about the bad stuff that happened, did not want to even block stuff out, like, like, no, like, I'm not going there. Like, the journey that I've gone on to actually take everything that has damaged me and say, you know what, I may be damaged, but I'm not destroyed. This thing that was trauma, it actually can be fueled to make me triumph. I learned that the value was still in me.

• 14:31Michael Todd?

  And then, once I learned the value was in me, then I could give and add value to other people. And so I'm telling you, it may be hard, but it's going to be worth it.

• 14:40Lewis Howes?

  Wow. You've been married for 14 years now?

• 14:43Michael Todd?

  14 years.

• 14:43Lewis Howes?

  14 years, together 21, is that right?

• 14:45Michael Todd?

  Yeah, this is my high school sweetheart. Met her when I was 15 years old and she's still the finest woman I've ever seen in my life. I love her.

• 14:53Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, I'm assuming, you know, I don't want to put words in your mouth, but I'm assuming that when you met her, you weren't...

• 14:59Michael Todd?

  I was a boy.

• 15:00Lewis Howes?

  You weren't on the healing journey yet?

• 15:01Michael Todd?

  No, I was a boy. I was still messing up.

• 15:03Lewis Howes?

  You had traumas, you had challenges, you were struggling. And I'm assuming when you got married, you still had a lot of traumas and challenges, right? So how do you? Heal in relationship.

• 15:17Michael Todd?

  Come on.

• 15:17Lewis Howes?

  If you've made a commitment to someone already. And you realize, oh, you know what? I still got my wounds and traumas and I'm, I'm still kind of messing up in certain ways. And maybe she is too.

• 15:28Michael Todd?

  Yeah.

• 15:28Lewis Howes?

  But we've been together for three, four, five, six, seven years now. Now we got kids and we're realizing we've been. Trauma bonding or reacting or triggering each other or hurting each other unintentionally. Or I've been hurting myself. Is it too late to heal and repair because of the baggage of someone in a relationship?

• 15:47Michael Todd?

  Yeah.

• 15:47Lewis Howes?

  Or can you still heal and mend and recreate a new relationship in a? Broken relationship? I'm not saying yours was broken, but anyone, yeah.

• 15:56Michael Todd?

  This is, this is what I do. And for everybody that's listening, you have to go get my book, Relationship Goals. This is not what we're talking about today, but it will help you. It's how to win in, um, marriage, dating and sex. And you, you really need to get that. And my answer to your question, Louis, is yes. Overwhelmingly yes. Two broken people. Who make a decision to do something are way more powerful. Than a broken person. Who decides, I don't want to try. Like trying. Turns into training. And training can change your destiny. And so I've seen it in my life. I've seen it because in, the reason I say get the book, because I tell you all the stuff I did.

• 16:42Michael Todd?

  Like I, I messed up, I jacked up, I lied, I did, I had months of insanity. I did all that other stuff. But this is my motto, progression, not perfection. If somebody sees that you are moving forward or making attempts. Statistics tell us that their ability to have grace for your mistakes grow exponentially.

• 17:06Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 17:07Michael Todd?

  Many times, people are frustrated by the immobility of somebody, or the paralyzation of somebody, or the nonchalant, "I don't care, I'm not doing nothing," attitude. But when somebody sees somebody trying, their grace goes up significantly. What I'm saying is, it can't be one-sided. But if two people come together and say, "You know what? We've been jacked up. We've been messing each other up. I trigger you, you trigger me. This turns into all of this stuff." We've made mistakes. We've made mistakes. We've jacked up, we've cheated, we've hurt each other. We spent money that no people didn't know. Let's be real about it. Like, "I went on a vacation with my girls and you had no idea what was happening." Or, "Were you really out with your boys watching the game?" Or were you... Come on, like, like, real stuff.

• 17:51Michael Todd?

  I have seen all of those things change when people have made a decision. Wow. And this is what I say, I think I told you earlier. It applies to so many areas of your life. When you make a decision, your decision changes into a discipline. You have to do something that's a discipline. "Okay, we're gonna go to counseling once every two weeks." Or, "We're going to meet with another couple that's older than us and ask them how the hell they didn't kill each other." Right. Or, we're gonna... You know what I'm saying? We need a discipline. We're gonna take walks together. We're gonna talk. We're gonna make a discipline. But once you get that discipline, somewhere around the consistency being all the time, even when you don't want to, it turns into a desire. Yes. You literally go from a decision to a discipline to a desire,

• 18:33Michael Todd?

  and that desire continued will change your destiny. Hmm. You can apply that to any area of your life. You can apply it to relationships, money. You can apply it to what we were talking about earlier, health and working out. But I'm telling you, this is the formula for life. Hmm. It is a decision. "I don't want to, but I'm gonna do it." That turns into a discipline. "I don't feel like it, but I'm gonna do it." Which then, one day, turns into a desire. "Man, I actually wanna do this." And then, it changes your destiny. Hmm. And if you can apply that to any area of your life with consistency... You will take every trauma situation and it has to turn into triumph.

• 19:14Lewis Howes?

  Oh.

• 19:15Michael Todd?

  Every single one.

• 19:16Lewis Howes?

  And that's something you've been doing in your health journey over the last year now, year and a half.

• 19:20Michael Todd?

  About two years.

• 19:20Lewis Howes?

  Two years. Cause I saw you, I think it was about two years ago when I saw you last.

• 19:24Michael Todd?

  Yeah, I was a little fluffier, bro. I was, I was a little more packed on. I had a little extra weight on me.

• 19:29Lewis Howes?

  Some extra love on you.

• 19:30Michael Todd?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 19:32Lewis Howes?

  But what allowed you to make a decision with your health? To optimize health because it's been a two year journey. You've been disciplined on this journey of health. Was there a trauma holding you back? Was there an old pattern holding you back? Was it just?

• 19:50Michael Todd?

  Alright, I'm a, we're, we're, we're on the School of Greatness podcast. I'mma be hot, humble, open and transparent. The truth of the matter was I was an emotional eater. If, if, if I was, if we won, I ate. If we lost, I ate. If, if somebody died, I ate. If somebody had a baby, I ate. Like, it was like, what do you do? That you are in control of that makes you feel good. Cookies and cream ice cream, Blue Bill.

• 20:18Lewis Howes?

  All that.

• 20:18Michael Todd?

  I, I mean burgers with cheese and like, it was just, and it didn't matter what time of night. I'd find myself two o'clock in the morning, like, what's open?

• 20:26Lewis Howes?

  Ice cream, let's go.

• 20:27Michael Todd?

  Ice cream, like, and I was an emotional eater that I never addressed it. I, I never even thought about it. When I begin to gain another level of success, responsibility, all of these different things. Now it gets magnified because I'm feeling it all the time. Like, I'm, I'm responsible for this many people's uh, livelihoods and people are depending on me to be inspired and be drawn closer to God and all this other stuff. And you start feeling that pressure and what do you do? You need to release.

• 20:56Lewis Howes?

  Food.

• 20:57Michael Todd?

  I was eating. Bro, I got up to 270 pounds. I was 270 pounds. I was slow. I was trying to hide. I was insecure, which tapped into another trigger. Another trauma of mine of being insecure about how I looked and how I felt and all that other stuff from young. And so I literally got to a point where I was looking at myself and I was like, you're not gonna be able to do everything that you were put on this earth to do. If you do not do something about this issue.

• 21:26Lewis Howes?

  Right. Your, your current identity did not fulfill your future vision.

• 21:30Michael Todd?

  See, bro, you talking my language right now. My, I'll say it like this, my future self. Could not get there without my present self. Right. And my present self was killing me. Right. Like, it was literally destroying all of the opportunity, all of the thing. And I was like, I gotta do something about this. Right. And so I started on a journey, bro. And literally, I couldn't do five pushups. Like, I'm, I'm gonna, I'mma put it out there for every person that's like, no, I should be able to do more than this. I was thirty-five years old. I could not do five pushups. I had to start with five and ten dumbbell weights. I was out of shape. I could not run for more than five minutes. Like, it was horrible.

• 22:14Michael Todd?

  And everybody laughing right now, just, okay, hold your horses. Cause now it's a whole different thing. Like, literally for a two-year process, I turned my garage into a gym. I, the trainer comes to my house six days a week. Wow. Like, I invested money. I invested in equipment. I stopped buying cars and stopped doing all the other stuff because what good is it to have a vehicle that I can drive that looks good? And the vehicle God gave me is trash. Oh. Like, think about it. How many people are driving in luxury cars? And the one vehicle that you get and you can't trade out and you can't lease out, you are literally riding around or walking around in a hooptie. Right, right. And I was like, no, I'm gonna put, I'm gonna put this into this. And literally, I've lost over fifty pounds. Wow.

• 22:59Michael Todd?

  I'm stronger than I've ever been in my whole life. But the truth of the matter is the least thing that happened to me is the physical transformation. It's what happened to my mind. It's what happened to my emotions. I am more confident in my word now than I have ever been. In your word? In my word. Cause a lot of times, we say stuff and the reason it doesn't happen is because we don't believe what we say. Right. A lot of times, it's not anybody external. It's like, I'mma make a million dollars. And it's like, ah, I don't even believe that. Like, hopefully it happens, but like, you don't believe your own word. And the person that you need to trust the most when it comes to doing what you need to do is yourself. And many times, we know how many times we break our promises to ourselves. I'm not gonna eat the cake. And ten minutes later, you're eating the cake. Yeah, yeah.

• 23:42Michael Todd?

  Ah, ah, I'm not gonna talk to her, or I'm not gonna make that business deal. Ah, it's too much money. I'm, like, we know that the person, if you really evaluate, the person who has broken their promise to you more than anybody is you.

• 23:56Lewis Howes?

  That's true.

• 23:57Michael Todd?

  So what happens when you don't trust you? It makes you approach other people differently. And so for me, this process has made me trust myself. I know when I did seventy-five hard and I don't know if you know about that.

• 24:12Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, I know for Salty.

• 24:13Michael Todd?

  Okay, yeah, bro. I did seventy-five hard.

• 24:16Lewis Howes?

  That's hard.

• 24:17Michael Todd?

  It's hard.

• 24:18Lewis Howes?

  Two a days.

• 24:19Michael Todd?

  Two a days, one has to be outside, a gallon of water.

• 24:22Lewis Howes?

  Reading ten pages of a book.

• 24:23Michael Todd?

  You got the whole thing. I did it. And I did it not in this shape. I did it a year ago.

• 24:30Lewis Howes?

  Oh, man, that's even harder.

• 24:31Michael Todd?

  Oh, bro, but when I finished that, this is not a season anymore. This is my lifestyle.

• 24:38Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 24:39Michael Todd?

  I believe me now. So doing the physical work with the emotional and spiritual work, I feel like a new person, bro.

• 24:47Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 24:48Michael Todd?

  I have literally turned into a different person with the same values, but a different vehicle.

• 24:53Lewis Howes?

  That's incredible.

• 24:54Michael Todd?

  And that is what I desire for everybody. It was like my life was in black and white, and now it's in full HD color. And I believe that those three components, the spiritual side, connection with God, the physical side, connection with yourself, and the emotional side, the connection with everything that's happened to you. If you work on those, if you do the hard work in those areas, the quality of life that you live is off the charts.

• 25:19Lewis Howes?

  Damaged but not destroyed is what we're talking about with the book.

• 25:25Lewis Howes?

  What do you think you would have been in five to ten years? Because you had been, there was a ground swell.

• 25:31Michael Todd?

  Yeah.

• 25:31Lewis Howes?

  Around you. Really about four years ago, five years ago, that kind of like social media, all these people in your community and the world is now paying attention to you and your message and your content and your books and your voice. And for great reason, right? Because you're bringing a lot of joy, inspiration and service to people. Where do you think you would be in five to ten years had you not taken care of the the commitment, the decision to being disciplined with your health?

• 25:58Michael Todd?

  Yeah.

• 25:58Lewis Howes?

  But you're still on the rise, you're still serving, you're getting all this real estate, you're impacting people, you're millions of people are following you. Where would you be in five to ten years?

• 26:07Michael Todd?

  I would have unhealthy habits that would jeopardize everything.

• 26:12Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 26:13Michael Todd?

  Oh, well, it's how the human nature is. If you're not healthy, but you still are making great impact. What ends up happening is that great impact starts to affect you differently because it becomes a harder pressure because you do not have the vehicle or the um uh yeah vehicle The container. The container to do what you need to do. So you need to find ways to medicate. To numb, to medicate, to whatever. To release all of those words. Right. And that's when people start making stupid decisions. Man, what is the decisions that most people make? Oh, we're I mean, it's it's been the same since the beginning of time. It's the girls, the gold.

• 26:54Michael Todd?

  It it's the greed. It's the like you start you start you start taking more than you're supposed to. You start investing in relationships that have no actual benefit for your life. You you you start you start becoming folk. You got into it with the right motivation and now the motivation is just money. And so it changes the heart and the content of what you're doing because it's not about actually helping people. It's about how many people can help me. Like when motives change, the ways that I release change. And then, I mean, we haven't even talked about the substance abuse like I can't tell you how many athletes and people that I mentor and pray for and help that

• 27:36Michael Todd?

  they're literally inebriated more than half of the day. Like Smoking alcohol, drugs, mushrooms, whatever, yeah. They're literally not remembering the life they prayed for. Wow. They were in some locker room or somebody's mom's house praying that they could get into this situation. And now they are so overcome with their past traumas and their current pressures that they are literally numbing themselves and saying, bro, I don't even remember. I don't even remember. So you're living the greatest moment of your life and you don't even remember it? And it's because this is what we do as humans because I don't believe that God created our bodies

• 28:19Michael Todd?

  to be able to handle that kind of stress and trauma. And so we have to figure out a way to keep going because we want the results of it. But we can't really keep going because it's killing us.

• 28:30Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 28:31Michael Todd?

  And so we try to find ways to do it. And that's why I say the the safest way to get into the place that you need to be is you need to deal with your past issues. So it can change your present situation and it can prepare for you a great future.

• 28:46Lewis Howes?

  Yes. Do you think we are ever able to run away from our past or our traumas?

• 28:52Michael Todd?

  No. Your body keeps the score.

• 28:55Lewis Howes?

  It does.

• 28:55Michael Todd?

  Like, I mean, people, people act like, like not saying it does something? No. Your body is a computer that is is taking all the information and it's storing it.

• 29:09Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 29:10Michael Todd?

  Stress, hypertension, um, um, all of the, I mean, we have people dying of heart attacks at thirty two.

• 29:17Lewis Howes?

  Crazy.

• 29:18Michael Todd?

  Like, the, the, it, there are so much information coming to us every day, all the time. So many ideas, so many opinions. All of those things were never a part of the core creation DNA for a human being. So you think about processing all of that and then processing processed food and then taking on um, all of the pressure and digital information and then um, worried about everybody's comments of you and how skinny and how like, think about the stress that you, your body and your mind and your emotions is under. Not to mention that the real life stuff happens. You, you have a miscarriage. You lose a loved one.

• 29:59Michael Todd?

  Covid happens and your business has to shut down. Like, that means that something has to be prioritized. And that something is not anything external.

• 30:11Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 30:12Michael Todd?

  It needs to be us. We need to deal with the issues, the lies, the hurts, the layers that have made us into this person. But maybe the very thing that's trying to take us out.

• 30:25Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 30:25Michael Todd?

  And so for me, I, I mean, I just know that part of my issue, even with food and weight and emotional eating, I need to delay, I need to talk about some stuff. I needed to.

• 30:37Lewis Howes?

  What did you need to talk about in order to be clear?

• 30:39Michael Todd?

  About? I needed to talk about insecurities for, okay, so I'll talk about it in the book, but I'll just, I'll just sum it up right now. I had this revelation that I.

• 30:51Michael Todd?

  Had become allergic to being good. I could only be great. I was in a situation when I was young where I was good at playing the drums at 12 years old. And I mean, I was really good. And I was in our church back at the house and I was better than the drummer that played for our main service. Like the adult. Like the adult service, you know what I'm saying? And all I wanted at 12 years old is to play drums in the big church. That's what I called it, playing drums at the big church. And the guy who was over all the music, he was like, you are really good. And they would always give me props and all the other stuff. But he would always let this older guy play that was not as good as me.

• 31:33Michael Todd?

  And I would come every Tuesday, the only kid there for their rehearsals. And I'd be there with my sticks. I would come early, I'd make my parents drop me off. I'd know all the music and everything like that, but they would never let me play. And I did this for months, like months. I knew all the music, I knew all the songs. I was hoping that he would just fall dead and just fall off the thing. And then I would able to catch it. I mean, this is in my 12 year old mind, you know what I'm saying? But like, I, I, I knew I could do it if somebody would just give me an opportunity. And they never let me play. And I remember being on that maroon chair and, and see, this is how, how subtle trauma can come into your life. And, and this is why we have to evaluate it.

• 32:13Michael Todd?

  I remember sitting on a maroon chair in the back and I decided that being good was not good enough. I had to be great at everything. Wow. Cause if I was great, they couldn't deny me. Like if I was great, there's no way they wouldn't let me do that. And from that day on, at 12 years old, my engine changed. I couldn't be good at anything. Okay, no, I'm not playing the game unless I'm gonna smash you. Wow. Like, I'm not. And now, this now seems like at that age, it seems, um, endearing. It's like, wow, this, this young man is, wow, he's, he's proactive and he's, he's gifted and he's motivated.

• 32:54Michael Todd?

  He's hungry, like, and so now I'm getting attention from it. And now I'm getting accolades from it. And now I'm getting, so it's like, oh, this is great. I made the right decision. Like, I'll never be good, nothing good is good. I will only be great. So my car had to be great, my business had to be great, my wife had to be great, my family had to be great, my, everything had to be great. And this served me for almost 20 years. Until I reached this level of success and everybody wants me to come speak and everybody wants me to do this. And we found out that my only son had autism. Hmm. So now my wife is broken. She's depressed. I'm confused.

• 33:35Michael Todd?

  I'm the guy that's supposed to have crazy faith, but I can't do anything about my son. He's no longer looking at us. He's not saying any words. His younger sister is developing past him. Like he's peeing and pooping on himself every day. Like, wh-what's going on? And now, my motor is, I'm, I have somebody here that looks like me that's not great. And it's not even good. Hmm. I don't know how to process this, so now I'm gonna go and I'm gonna make more money. I'm gonna da-da-da-da-da. But my wife needs me. I have, I have the person I've loved for my whole life sitting here saying, I don't care if we have any more money, I need my husband. I need you to sit with me.

• 34:17Michael Todd?

  And I'm like, well, you sit there, but I gotta, like, cuz now, my motor to be great is no longer what's gonna help me. Hmm. If I would've taken all the dates, if I would've kept going, I would've lost my wife and my family. Wow. I would've lost my legacy. I would've lost the thing that meant the most to me. And this is the culmination of me having to deal with, like, where did that come from? And so I was sitting with my mentor outside of Oklahoma City in a Crackle Barrel. And he was, he's listening to me talk and he just, he's sitting there, his name is Tim Ross, and he has this huge pile of eggs that he's eating. He loves eggs for some reason.

• 34:57Michael Todd?

  And I just remember seeing the eggs and he says, so when did you have, when did you decide that your standard for this life was greater than God's? And I was like, what are you talking about? And because I'm a person of faith, we, we look at the Bible as principles and practical things that we can use to live our lives by. He said, remember in creation, it said, in the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth and the star, and he told the ocean how far it could come and created land and did all of these things. And he looked back at his work and he said, it's good.

• 35:30Michael Todd?

  He created the solar system and the galaxies and all the animals. And then he looked back at it and said, that's good. And he does all this creating on the sixth day. He creates man and woman. And he looks at him and said, this is good. He said, if God's standard is good, why is your standard great? And something inside of me was like, whoa. I can't keep living and not even appreciating all of the good that's around me. Because of the trauma that happened to me at 12.

• 36:07Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 36:08Michael Todd?

  And now I don't even like good. I don't even appreciate good, where people would love to have good. I can't have good money. I have to have great money. I can't be good in my relationship. My relationship hasn't been great. I'm literally missing the essence of life. And what's right in front of me. I can't even be grateful for what people would kill for. Because of the trauma that happened on the maroon chairs when I was 12.

• 36:34Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 36:34Michael Todd?

  And this is part of what led to me going through this healing journey and transformation. So that I could really, really live life to the fullest.

• 36:46Lewis Howes?

  This is a powerful story, man. And in your book, on page 49, you have a little quote that says, our fruit is always connected to the root.

• 36:54Michael Todd?

  Yes, sir.

• 36:54Lewis Howes?

  So when you thought back to your 12 year old self, where was the fruit that was in the root of your pain?

• 37:01Michael Todd?

  Yeah. So the fruit was now I'm a very successful, workaholic, uh, excellence expecting perfectionist person. Mike Todd. But the root was I was an insecure little boy who felt like nobody saw him. So I was gonna make sure you saw me.

• 37:25Lewis Howes?

  Oh.

• 37:26Michael Todd?

  So now, everybody will look at the fruit and be like, yay, like wow, like that is phenomenal.

• 37:36Michael Todd?

  But the root was trauma. The root was damage. And

• 37:41Lewis Howes?

  The foundation

• 37:42Michael Todd?

  The foundation

• 37:43Lewis Howes?

  Helped you get there, in a sense.

• 37:44Michael Todd?

  Yeah.

• 37:45Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 37:45Michael Todd?

  It was motivated negatively.

• 37:47Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 37:47Michael Todd?

  But if you never stop and examine it, it would have been the same thing that destroyed me.

• 37:53Lewis Howes?

  Right. It helped you get to a certain level.

• 37:54Michael Todd?

  Yeah.

• 37:55Lewis Howes?

  But just like the same thing that helped Mike Tyson get to world champion status is also the thing that destroyed him.

• 38:01Michael Todd?

  And this is why I'm telling everybody who's listening right now, it may be time to stop and evaluate. Just because you're doing good doesn't mean you're doing good.

• 38:11Lewis Howes?

  Hmm. But Mike, how can I stop when I need to be relevant? How can I stop when my competitors in the space are gonna outperform me? How can I stop when so much is dependent on me right now?

• 38:24Michael Todd?

  And so what I'm gonna say to you is your value system is broken. Like, if that's all that matters to you is your competitor and not your actual piece? If all that matters to you is I need to be relevant, instead of I actually need to be real? Have it. And we'll see how long you can do that. But I'm telling you, as I counsel and I lived it and I've been with and I'm on the phone with people every day, who are like, I mean, how do you, how in the world you commit suicide with hundreds of million dollars in the bank? How do you, there, how do you beat all your competitors and you don't wanna live?

• 39:07Michael Todd?

  Like, we've seen that story a hundred times and we always chop it up like, man, that's sad for them. But we don't realize that if we don't deal with the things that, that, that we got stuffed back in the closet of our lives and how our parents treated us and, and, and how, how we didn't get picked for certain things. And I, I'm, I'm not trying to, um, give anybody their story, but what I am saying is that, um, for all of us, if we live in this world, there is something that has happened to us. And for many people, it's very traumatic stuff that has happened to you. You don't even talk about, nobody, your husband, your wife, your closest friends don't even know. But if you don't deal with it, what ends up happening is at some point, it may be the very thing that delays or Totally destroys your destiny.

• 39:50Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely.

• 39:50Michael Todd?

  What I'm trying to tell you is like right now, you watching this, you listening to me and Louis talk about this. This is your sign. It's time to start working on the old stuff.

• 40:00Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely.

• 40:01Michael Todd?

  It's time to start dealing with the trauma and I believe that all of your damage can actually be the thing that turns into your destiny. Every wrong, bad thing that I've done, I have now used and turned that pain into a platform. And it's the very reason why people relate to me. It's the very reason I'm on this podcast right now. It's the very reason that we're doing anything, but it's like, if you don't do it, it's going to take away from you instead of add to you.

• 40:28Lewis Howes?

  So over the last, you know, few years for you, as you transformed the emotional eater in you and the insecurity in you. Into something greater, into security and peace and conscious eating.

• 40:41Michael Todd?

  Yes.

• 40:42Lewis Howes?

  I'm sure you're not perfect in your eating still, but you're more intentional eating.

• 40:46Michael Todd?

  I brought my meals with me.

• 40:47Lewis Howes?

  Exactly, man. What was the value system that you had before? And now it is the new value system that you've upgraded to.

• 40:56Michael Todd?

  Okay, so I'll, I'll have several layers to this that I go into the book, but let me just say this. It can be broken down very simply is I cared about people's thoughts of me. Now I care about my inner peace.

• 41:11Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 41:13Michael Todd?

  So you can't have both. If people's thoughts of you are more valuable, then you will do everything to keep that going even at the benefit, at the peril of yourself.

• 41:25Lewis Howes?

  You'll be a constant people pleaser and that is exhausting.

• 41:28Michael Todd?

  It's, it's not just exhausting, it will make you extinct. It will kill the reason why you do what you do. So like practically how this works in my life is that I'm telling you my engine is I gotta be great, I gotta be great, I gotta be great. Like this is my whole story. We have a breakdown, my son has autism, my wife is depressed, all of these things are happening. I had to cancel six months of engagements.

• 41:52Lewis Howes?

  Wow. Speaking engagements, commitments.

• 41:56Michael Todd?

  It was all my money.

• 41:57Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 41:58Michael Todd?

  I literally had to say, what do I want? Do I want to look up five years from now and have made how many ever thousands of dollars that would have been? Or do I want my family?

• 42:10Michael Todd?

  No brainer. Are people gonna be mad at me? Are people gonna be frustrated? I'm already on the bill. They may never invite me back. But these are the people that I committed to. And I want to be healthy more than all of that. So, I could have been a people pleaser. Or I could have done what would have happened, what was best for my inner peace. And so, it hurt to cancel all summer 2019, all the way to December. I mean, every conference I'd ever gone to, they wanted, they were paying me to come. I was flying all over the world.

• 42:42Lewis Howes?

  You were on the rise.

• 42:43Michael Todd?

  I was going, I mean, literally everywhere. Australia, Africa, London. I was everything. And I had to call them and cancel all.

• 42:51Lewis Howes?

  Wow. So you had to cut the idea of being a people pleaser as well.

• 42:55Michael Todd?

  Immediately.

• 42:56Lewis Howes?

  Which is painful for a people pleaser.

• 42:58Michael Todd?

  For, for anybody who wants to be great. And you think that your greatness is on the other side of a connection.

• 43:02Lewis Howes?

  Ah.

• 43:04Michael Todd?

  And I had to realize that my greatness came from the purpose that I believe God gave me before I was here. And so, maybe this was something that was gonna make me. And I was right. Like, literally, that was the summer that everything changed.

• 43:18Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 43:18Michael Todd?

  Oh, my God. When I wasn't going after it, something started happening in me. And so many times, we're so busy that we cannot see what's actually going on. And I needed a break. I needed time to be out of the hustle and bustle to be able to actually evaluate, like, what, what do I, what do I care about? Like, what's important? What brings me peace? Like, okay, I got money in the bank, but that, I'm still stressed. Like, I'm still hurting. I'm still frustrated, like. And once that happened, ju, it was like the floodgates opened.

• 43:52Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 43:53Michael Todd?

  Like, everything in business, everything in my relationship, everything, because I started working on what was going on in the inside of me, man. And that's why, again, the message that I'm coming with, with damaged but not destroyed. I just wanna be a coach. I wanna be a guide because I've been through it. And, and most people write this book at 65, 70. Like, the stuff I'm talking about in here, that, that, you wait till you're way past it. And I was like, no. I said, because somebody needs to know in their late 30s, in their early 20s, in their mid 40s, in their 50s, like, now is the time to start dealing with this stuff. Because the life on the other side of it has way more value than the one you're living now.

• 44:31Lewis Howes?

  Right. That's so true. You know, I think something we have in common is we both lean on mentors and guides.

• 44:40Michael Todd?

  Yes.

• 44:40Lewis Howes?

  To give us counsel, to give us feedback.

• 44:43Michael Todd?

  Yeah.

• 44:44Lewis Howes?

  Um, and one of the things that stood out for me the last time we connected is that you lean on a mentor and you have for over a decade, at least as you're, as you've been a pastor. And one of your mentors early on, I don't know if this is the same guy who's eating the eggs, but one of your mentors said, you've got to take at least a month off a year.

• 45:01Michael Todd?

  That's the same guy.

• 45:02Lewis Howes?

  Same guy, yeah. What's his name?

• 45:03Michael Todd?

  Tim Ross.

• 45:04Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. And that stuck with me because I go, wow, you had just come off like, I think, again, the number one New York Times bestseller. I think when I saw you and you're like, you either just came back from a month off or you were like, I'm about to go on a month off.

• 45:16Michael Todd?

  No, I was about to go on it.

• 45:17Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, you're like, but I was like, but this thing just hit number one. Don't you have to go like promote it more and like do all the press? You're like, you said something like, this is the time where, when everything is hot and you feel like you've got to go even more and go farther. And that's the time you need to take a break if you've already pre-scheduled that.

• 45:32Michael Todd?

  Yes.

• 45:32Lewis Howes?

  You know, don't just jump in because there's more opportunity.

• 45:35Michael Todd?

  Yeah.

• 45:37Lewis Howes?

  Be there for yourself first and allow for opportunities to continue to come.

• 45:41Michael Todd?

  Yeah. I told, I told you last time I said, I live on principle. Most people live on opinions. I live on principle. And so a principle is something outside of you that governs you even when you don't want it to.

• 45:54Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 45:55Michael Todd?

  And so for me, the principle was for what I do, I need to take a month and I need to give to myself, my family, my spiritual health, because I'm giving out a lot. I'm, I'm, I'm trying to add value to people all the time and I need to do this. And so literally when we did Relationship Goals, it hits number one. Number one, I, I barely passed English class. Okay, let's, let's be very clear about this, Lewis. And my first book goes number one New York Times bestseller, okay? Thirteen weeks, it's on the New York Times bestseller list. Thirteen. And it comes down to the time that I'm supposed to go on my sabbatical. And the only reason it's going to come off the New York Times bestseller list is because I stopped promoting it.

• 46:36Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 46:36Michael Todd?

  My publisher's like, hey, hey.

• 46:39Lewis Howes?

  Keep going.

• 46:39Michael Todd?

  I know what you said. But what, and this was where I felt like, um, my internal spiritual guide was saying to me, this is when I'm going to see if you're a real man or not.

• 46:51Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 46:53Michael Todd?

  Are you going to keep your word to yourself? And I said, I gotta do it. I shut off social media. I shut off everything and as well, I shut off the New York Times Bestseller.

• 47:06Lewis Howes?

  Right, cuz the week you left.

• 47:08Michael Todd?

  Is off the list.

• 47:09Lewis Howes?

  That's crazy. How did that make you feel, though?

• 47:13Michael Todd?

  I felt like I won.

• 47:15Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 47:16Michael Todd?

  Because at the end of the day,

• 47:20Michael Todd?

  I became a better man. More than I sold more books and became a better success to other people. And this is the crazy thing. My next book, New York Times Bestseller.

• 47:34Michael Todd?

  So I feel like it was the seed I sowed on obeying what I knew I needed to do and live on principle. That then like painted forward for the next book. Most people don't get one New York Times Bestseller, let alone two. But your first two books are both New York Times Bestseller books. I didn't have no big marketing team or anything like it. I believe that was the nod from God.

• 47:59Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 48:00Michael Todd?

  He did it.

• 48:01Lewis Howes?

  He did it.

• 48:02Michael Todd?

  And that's where for me, I just feel like when you do the things you know you need to do to preserve yourself, it always works out for you in the end.

• 48:11Lewis Howes?

  That's true. It does. When someone goes through the damaged but not destroyed path.

• 48:17Michael Todd?

  Yeah.

• 48:17Lewis Howes?

  And they start facing their traumas or things from their past. They start facing it as opposed to running from it.

• 48:23Michael Todd?

  Yeah.

• 48:24Lewis Howes?

  And they start to feel a sense of inner triumph. They start to feel a sense of peace. They start to feel a sense of harmony. They start to feel like their full, authentic selves.

• 48:31Michael Todd?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 48:32Lewis Howes?

  And maybe they've gotten out of a couple of bad relationships and now they did this work cuz they realize that I'm part of the problem. I am the problem, right? I'm in all these relationships.

• 48:42Michael Todd?

  I'm the only one that keep going to the relationships.

• 48:45Lewis Howes?

  And they've taken this time and they've reflected and now they start going on some dates. They start having some fun. They start connecting with people. They start meeting people. How do they know when they're choosing the right partner for them?

• 48:57Michael Todd?

  So now you asking a real big question. It depends on where you feel your purpose is. You do not pick partnerships based on pleasure. You pick partnerships based on purpose.

• 49:11Michael Todd?

  And I think that's where a lot of people get messed up. There are a lot of people you can be compatible with, but they're not going in the same direction as you. If me and you were to say right now, let's go to Disney World. There are probably fifteen different paths to get there. Like, and there are some people that are like, well, let me stop way over here and let me go over here. But if we were riding in the same car together, we would have to go on the same road, on the same highway, getting to the same place because our purpose was to go to this destination. I think a big part of my burden for our generation, when it comes to business partnerships, relationships, all those things, is to pick partners for purpose, not just for pleasure. Yes.

• 49:57Michael Todd?

  Because the pleasure wears off when you get in a pit. Like when, when it ain't working, we lost the money, when you used to dress up for me and now you looking like a grandma. Like, a- all of those things, that's when you have to pick partners that you remember. Why did we get together? What was the purpose of this? What did we say we were gonna do? And so, a lot of times, um, when people are starting to date and have fun and do all the different things, they're not thinking purpose. And it's hard to think purpose when you have not spent enough time with yourself personally. That's true. So, cuz you don't know, like, the only way, again, congratulations to you and your beautiful fiance, but part of the reason y'all connect is cuz of where y'all both wanna collectively go. Hundred percent.

• 50:41Michael Todd?

  If, if, if she wanted to be, uh, in a different country as a scuba diver instructor, and, and you knew you were supposed to be here doing this, it would, it would conflict with what you could do together. Yeah. And maybe you could be in a relationship for a while and then you start saying, hey, I miss you. And she was like, well, the fish, I love the fish. Like, and, and I'm being very sarcastic, but what I'm saying is, that is what a lot of our relationships look like. It's like, the sex is bomb, we connect physically, but our purposes don't align. And so.

• 51:15Lewis Howes?

  And it can only last so long.

• 51:17Michael Todd?

  Oh, my God.

• 51:17Lewis Howes?

  To have that sexual chemistry or connection all by itself.

• 51:21Michael Todd?

  That that's not that that never has worked. If that worked, all relationships would be together. Like, the truth of the matter is, there would be no divorce. If it and and and that's why I say, again, in relationship goals, like, there is a formula that and a pattern that I believe that has been set out that has worked from generation to generation to generation, that if you get the right relationships right first, if you get the relationship right with yourself, the relationship right with God, and then you can get the relationship right with with somebody else, then that pattern takes you to where you need to be.

• 51:55Lewis Howes?

  What I'm hearing you say is that when you're in alignment with your higher purpose.

• 51:59Michael Todd?

  Yes.

• 52:00Lewis Howes?

  And when you're in alignment with your own individual purpose of who you are.

• 52:03Michael Todd?

  Yeah.

• 52:05Lewis Howes?

  You'll start to align with someone else and you'll start to see, okay, we're on the right track together. And maybe you like different things, but we have a similar idea about a vision and a value system for our life.

• 52:16Michael Todd?

  And then what happens is the most magical part.

• 52:20Lewis Howes?

  Tell me.

• 52:20Michael Todd?

  Is that you guys make each other better. So so my purpose, I thought I had a purpose until I met my wife. And when we got together, it was like, oh, I thought it was gonna happen like this. We are greater together. That's where the scripture says two are better than one. Because they have great success on their investment and two are better than one. Because if one falls, the other one can be there to to pick them up. How can one stay warm by itself? No, they need each other. Like, there is exponential growth, there is exponential clarity, there is exponential um success. When two people are going the same way for purpose and they're in partnership.

• 53:00Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 53:01Michael Todd?

  And that's why a lot of times, um, I just tell people, it's very hard to pick a partner if you don't know the purpose.

• 53:08Michael Todd?

  If you were starting a company and you're doing tech and somebody else is doing agriculture, that's not the partner you would pick. You would pick somebody in that same space.

• 53:17Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 53:17Michael Todd?

  So that y'all could go the same way together.

• 53:20Lewis Howes?

  But what about someone like you? You met your wife when you were in high school, high school sweethearts. You didn't really know what your purpose was at that point.

• 53:26Michael Todd?

  Heck no.

• 53:26Lewis Howes?

  You just were like, ah, we like each other, we love each other, we want to be together, let's do this, let's have fun, let's be together. You know, and I think a lot of people, not that that's wrong, but a lot of people get into relationship out of attraction, likability. And then they start loving each other and they're just like, let's just be together without asking the questions about purpose.

• 53:44Michael Todd?

  Yeah.

• 53:45Lewis Howes?

  So if someone's already gotten into a relationship and they're like, we don't have a purpose. How can they create that as opposed to just end the relationship? And how can they make sure that they're both in alignment?

• 53:56Michael Todd?

  So what I would encourage everybody to do, and this is why I encourage you, if you have teenagers or if you have young kids or anything, you need to get them relationship goals because there's just certain things that if it's not talked about or you're not known, like you're just gonna fall into crap and then you're gonna have to deal with the consequences. So like, I don't think people should do that, but this is a practical step that people can do. You need to go somewhere that you guys like as a couple and have a vision retreat.

• 54:23Lewis Howes?

  I did this with Martha.

• 54:24Michael Todd?

  You did it?

• 54:25Lewis Howes?

  After three months of dating her, before we got committed, we went to Sedona.

• 54:32Michael Todd?

  Okay.

• 54:33Lewis Howes?

  And I did, we did a vision retreat.

• 54:34Michael Todd?

  Yes.

• 54:35Lewis Howes?

  A vision and a values retreat.

• 54:36Michael Todd?

  I love it.

• 54:37Lewis Howes?

  We, we both had a journal. I told her to bring a journal. I took her to a top of a vortex. I don't know if you've ever been to Sedona, but essentially a rock. It's supposed to have like energy or something, right?

• 54:47Michael Todd?

  Got you, got you, got you.

• 54:48Lewis Howes?

  So we went to the top of rock and I said, listen, I'm gonna do an exercise for us. Put in some like meditative music, just us two up there, sunset. I said, I want you to dream, dream about the future, about what you want to create in your future and our potential future.

• 55:03Michael Todd?

  Yeah.

• 55:04Lewis Howes?

  And I would love you to, for a few minutes to write down all of your main values in your life now and what you're gonna value in the future, at least what you think you're gonna value.

• 55:12Michael Todd?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 55:13Lewis Howes?

  Maybe some stuff changes, but at least your core values. And she did this exercise and I did it separately on a different piece of paper. And I did the same thing. Cause I want, I didn't want us to be influenced by seeing someone else's. And we brought them together and we said, let's review this. And it's kind of a moment of truth through our values align. And thankfully, our values were very much in alignment. And you know, maybe there's a few things that she had different than me and vice versa. But I wasn't like, okay, cool. I have no problem with that. And she had no problem with mine. So we aligned and that gave me clarity and peace.

• 55:48Michael Todd?

  Yeah.

• 55:48Lewis Howes?

  And I said, okay, what is our vision for a relationship? What is the vision that you want? Cause maybe it's completely different than what I want. So we both did that exercise and we came together and we said, this is the vision. And it's really to have a purposeful relationship, to be a relationship that is of service to each other and to the world.

• 56:07Michael Todd?

  That's beautiful.

• 56:08Lewis Howes?

  And since we were both in alignment, I was like, man, I feel really peaceful. Let's make this happen.

• 56:14Michael Todd?

  Yeah.

• 56:14Lewis Howes?

  You know, let's commit to this.

• 56:15Michael Todd?

  But let's think about it. What is an alignment? If you take your car in for an alignment, what they do is they lift it up. And they start making sure that everything is balanced.

• 56:27Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 56:27Michael Todd?

  So that we can actually get back on the rough road and still stay together.

• 56:34Lewis Howes?

  Right. Yeah. Not fall apart.

• 56:35Michael Todd?

  Not fall apart.

• 56:36Lewis Howes?

  That's true. The wheels don't want the wheels to fall off.

• 56:38Michael Todd?

  And we don't want one wheel to be low. So it makes us drift a certain way. And so I would just encourage couples, business partners, friends that may have gone through different seasons. Cause that's what me and Natalie had to do. I went from a boy to a man. And so we had to, we had to revision every decade.

• 56:57Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 56:57Michael Todd?

  Like, and I would encourage every relationship to do that revision every decade.

• 57:02Lewis Howes?

  Alright.

• 57:02Michael Todd?

  You're not the same when you're in small kids to now you have teenagers. You're not the same to when you have teenagers to when they're out the house. And a lot of people that have great relationships in one season have horrible relationships in a different season. Because they've never revisioned.

• 57:18Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 57:18Michael Todd?

  They've never fake, okay, the kids are gone. Like what, what do we value now?

• 57:22Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. And your vision when you were 17 together is different than your vision now.

• 57:26Michael Todd?

  It's completely different because of the trials we've been through, the trauma we've been through, the triumphs we've experienced as well as the, the, the world we live in.

• 57:34Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 57:34Michael Todd?

  I mean, the world we live in. Now compared to when we were eighteen, nineteen, it's completely different. And so I would just encourage people like, yeah, like, get a vision and values. I love that. That's a beautiful ad. A vision and values retreat or some time and just really realign. And when you add the faith component into that and you add the family component into that, it changes the focus.

• 57:59Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 57:59Michael Todd?

  Faith, family focus. When you get that together, bro, it then gives you motivation of why you go to work.

• 58:06Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 58:06Michael Todd?

  It gives you, it gives you a why. And too many people I'm finding, especially out of the pandemic, they've lost their why. Why am I doing this? Like, why is this important? And that's why I, again, in this book, tried to help people realize like, this may be a pain point. This may have been a hit you didn't see coming. I say this all the time. There's no hit like the one you don't see coming.

• 58:30Lewis Howes?

  Ooh.

• 58:30Michael Todd?

  Like, that's when you like get the haymaker and you get weak in the knee. And I think relationally as well as personally, a lot of people have had some hits in the last five to 10 years. I didn't know this was gonna happen.

• 58:42Lewis Howes?

  Health, relationships, career, money.

• 58:44Michael Todd?

  Well, I didn't know. There was no way. Everything was bright and sunny and then it was just a storm. And that shit has caused trauma that has made people not get back up.

• 58:53Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 58:54Michael Todd?

  But I believe that all of those things, if you would just get some of the right tools, and that's what I try to provide you with in this book, some right tools, you could actually turn all that trauma into your greatest triumph ever.

• 59:06Lewis Howes?

  So when did you start preaching? Was it 10, 15 years ago?

• 59:09Michael Todd?

  Yeah, bro. I don't even know. It was an accident. Like, it was like something I just stumbled.

• 59:14Lewis Howes?

  It's been over 10 years, right? It's been over 10 years.

• 59:16Michael Todd?

  About 15.

• 59:17Lewis Howes?

  Call it 15 years. And you've been married almost 15 years.

• 59:21Michael Todd?

  Yeah.

• 59:22Lewis Howes?

  And you have seen a rise of service, of opportunity, of abundance to yourself, of transformation, of healing, all these different things. You got four beautiful kids, four beautiful kids, right?

• 59:34Michael Todd?

  Four beautiful kids.

• 59:34Lewis Howes?

  You got all these different blessings that have come to your life. And you've been able to bless countless people in your community and globally, some that you know, some that you'll never meet.

• 59:44Michael Todd?

  Yep.

• 59:45Lewis Howes?

  And you've done a lot of this in the last 15 years.

• 59:48Michael Todd?

  Yeah.

• 59:49Lewis Howes?

  And you have a lot of mentors that you reach out to that give you wisdom, that give you counsel. But if you had to go 15 years into the future, to your future self 15 years from now.

• 1:00:02Michael Todd?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:03Lewis Howes?

  And be the mentor to you today.

• 1:00:05Michael Todd?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:06Lewis Howes?

  What would be that counsel you would say after all the things you're about to go through in the next 15 years? After all the ups and downs, the beauty, the joy, the impact, the service. If you could imagine time suspended and you're creating and developing, all these things are happening. And you're now 40, I don't know, you're in your, almost 50 at that point, 52 or something.

• 1:00:30Lewis Howes?

  What advice would you give yourself today?

• 1:00:32Michael Todd?

  Yeah. Authenticity is your superpower.

• 1:00:38Michael Todd?

  Be real and admit when you're wrong.

• 1:00:44Michael Todd?

  If you enjoy the journey, people will enjoy it with you.

• 1:00:51Michael Todd?

  History will be on your side.

• 1:00:55Michael Todd?

  I heard the quote that said that people overestimate what they can do in one year and underestimate what they can do in 10.

• 1:01:04Michael Todd?

  I've really adopted that because our, our world right now is so, what's in the news media today? What do you do today? What do you do today? But like 10 years, how many times have people risen and fallen? How many times has the market went up or come down? How many times have people made tons of money and lost money? Like, how many, like? But if you just stay consistent, be disciplined, enjoy the journey, be authentic. I never have to walk into any room and be something. I'm me. And I see a lot of my friends and a lot of people around me and they gotta get ready, they gotta put on to do something. And I, that must be exhausting.

• 1:01:48Michael Todd?

  But if you could be authentic and enjoy the journey, people will enjoy it with you.

• 1:01:51Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:52Michael Todd?

  You'll find that people will enjoy it. History will be on your side. Like if you do everything that adds value to people and, and you actually are valuing who you are too.

• 1:02:05Michael Todd?

  It just creates a life that that is actually admirable. And a life that I believe that more people really wanna live. They're searching for it everywhere. They're searching for it in the bottle. They're searching for it in pills. They're searching for it in porn. They're searching for it in success. And I know, cuz I've looked in all those places. But the only place I've found it is in in a relationship with the Creator and in a relationship with myself. Like, that's where everything started coming together. And when that stuff started to come together, everybody around me is blessed by default. Like, being a service to the world? You only can be service to the world when you first become a service to yourself.

• 1:02:48Michael Todd?

  And now, everybody, everything around me. Every time a tree is planted with fruit, that fruit's coming off and it's gonna nourish everybody. But if that seed is jacked up, it never gets the opportunity to grow and produce the fruit.

• 1:03:01Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 1:03:02Michael Todd?

  And so, yeah, I think that's what I would just, I would tell myself, or anybody else, if I was the mentor.

• 1:03:09Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. Speaking of service and purpose, you live a life of service.

• 1:03:14Michael Todd?

  Yes, sir.

• 1:03:15Lewis Howes?

  And we have a mutual friend in common that you have been of service to, even though, you know, it wasn't a popular decision for you to do so.

• 1:03:24Michael Todd?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:25Lewis Howes?

  Or people didn't want you to support and help out or whatever. When they were on the fall, or when they were struggling, or when they were, you know, in a, in a, in a bad light.

• 1:03:32Michael Todd?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:34Lewis Howes?

  Why make decisions to help or be of service to people, or lean on people and let them lean on you? When maybe others don't think that's the right move?

• 1:03:44Michael Todd?

  I got you.

• 1:03:44Lewis Howes?

  Or it's not good image, or they don't like that decision?

• 1:03:48Michael Todd?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:49Lewis Howes?

  Why make those decisions when it could hurt your business? People could leave your church? People could say nasty things about you?

• 1:03:59Michael Todd?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:00Lewis Howes?

  Why try to lift someone up when, when maybe they've done something justifiably that's caused other people to be upset? Why lean on the, uh, support and lifting others up when they're in a bad place?

• 1:04:14Michael Todd?

  Uh, in society. Yeah, so I'm gonna go ahead and uh, show my whole faith uh, um, card right now because this who I am. I believe for me, um, number one, the Bible says, do unto others as you will want them to do unto you. So for me, if I was in a bad spot, if I messed up, after helping all these people in the name of God and declaring Jesus and being with Christian and all this other stuff, and I still am human and I messed up, I would pray that somebody Ugh. who says that they love God and God is love, I pray that somebody that represents him would come and help me. Mm-hmm.

• 1:04:53Michael Todd?

  And for me, um, doing unto others as I would want them to do to me, I feel like is a seed and a testimony of what I've, what I call the grace of God. Like, I'm a jacked up person, Louis. Like, I've written some cool books and and I've made it through fourteen years of marriage, but I was addicted to pornography. I was a liar. I was a manipulator. I, I had been arrested for car insurance fraud. I had all this other stuff, like, I know what's in me without God, without the transformation that has happened through my relationship and my faith. And so when I see people down and out, when I see people hurting, when I see people broken, especially people

• 1:05:36Michael Todd?

  who carried a heavy weight in um, the faith community, like, I just feel like it is my responsibility as a brother or a sister to reach out Yeah. and to just help. There's a story in the Bible with the good Samaritan. People have heard it, even if you're not a Christian or anything like that. This man's beat up and jacked up on the road and the priest passes him. And then the person who leads the worship passes him. And it's just this Samaritan that comes and usually they don't even communicate with each other, but they takes him to the inn and says, hey, clean this dude up, put it on my tab. I'll be back tomorrow. I'll take care of everything.

• 1:06:16Michael Todd?

  And Jesus is telling this story and it's like, which, who's more like me? The guy who represents me and is in the church? The person who sings to me? Or the person that was just on the street that said, I'll take care of it? Hmm. There's nothing they can do for me, but I'll take care of it. That's who I want to be.

• 1:06:38Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 1:06:38Michael Todd?

  I don't, you don't gotta know my name, you don't gotta know all that. I just want to actually be of service. We've said it several times, be of value and help people because one life can turn into millions of people's lives being changed. And so for me, man, I had to get rid of that people pleasing to even do that, though.

• 1:06:55Lewis Howes?

  Gosh, it's so hard.

• 1:06:57Michael Todd?

  Do you understand what I'm saying? Because like, if you stand by somebody who people don't want you to stand by.

• 1:07:03Lewis Howes?

  They're not gonna like you.

• 1:07:04Michael Todd?

  They're not gonna like you. And for me, people cannot like me as long as I know I'm in right standing with God.

• 1:07:11Lewis Howes?

  Hmm, that's beautiful.

• 1:07:12Michael Todd?

  And so for me, I've gotten used to like, actually, I say this all the time, is a lot of people hear the message of the Bible, or, and they hear, they hear it, but they don't live out the method of the Bible. And for me, I want to live it out. I want to actually be love to people. I want to show love. I want people, I tell people at our church all the time, you can belong before you believe. Like, you don't gotta believe, like, let's just be friends. Let's have a relationship. Maybe something you hear, you'll be like, I can use that. Like, like, and then I'll take it a step further. You can belong before you behave.

• 1:07:49Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 1:07:51Michael Todd?

  Okay, you still going to the club and having sex with everybody? All right, cool. Like, but at least maybe you're hearing something that could potentially encourage you to do something different.

• 1:07:59Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 1:08:00Michael Todd?

  Like, and for me, I know it's not popular opinion, but that's what I needed.

• 1:08:04Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 1:08:05Michael Todd?

  I needed somebody to be that real, that authentic, and that accepting. And I believe that the message of Jesus Christ is actually that sometimes we've just had bad representatives.

• 1:08:14Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 1:08:15Michael Todd?

  And so I'm just trying to represent.

• 1:08:17Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, my man. We're talking about damaged but not destroyed. From trauma to triumph. Make sure you guys get a copy or two and give it to a friend. This will inspire you, lots of great stories, lessons, tools. And takeaways. So make sure you guys get a few of these copies. Uh, we can get it at your website. We can get it everywhere on Amazon, Barnes and Noble. Um, and people can follow you on social media. Um, you are I am Mike Todd.

• 1:08:44Michael Todd?

  Yes, sir.

• 1:08:44Lewis Howes?

  And also I am Mike Todd dot com. Um, we'll have the links up for this as well, where, where people can get it. If they follow you anywhere, they'll see this out there. Couple of final questions for you, man. This has been really powerful. So thanks for-

• 1:08:56Michael Todd?

  This has been amazing.

• 1:08:57Lewis Howes?

  Thanks for coming on. This has been really cool.

• 1:08:59Michael Todd?

  This is every time though.

• 1:09:00Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:00Michael Todd?

  They're like, I love it.

• 1:09:01Lewis Howes?

  The next time will just be just as good, man.

• 1:09:03Michael Todd?

  Let's go.

• 1:09:03Lewis Howes?

  Um, I asked you this question last time, the last couple of questions I have. I asked you this last time. I'm curious if it's changed. It's called the three truths. So imagine hypothetically, it's your last day on earth. You get to live as long as you want to live.

• 1:09:16Michael Todd?

  Okay.

• 1:09:17Lewis Howes?

  You get to create and generate and serve the way you want to. But for whatever reason, on this last day, you've got to take all of your content with you. Books, conversations, they're all gone to the next place.

• 1:09:28Michael Todd?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:29Lewis Howes?

  And, uh, you gotta turn the lights off in this world. But before you leave, you get to leave behind three lessons. And this is all we would-

• 1:09:36Michael Todd?

  Oh my goodness.

• 1:09:37Lewis Howes?

  This is all we would have of your content. Are these three truths.

• 1:09:41Michael Todd?

  Yep.

• 1:09:42Lewis Howes?

  What would be those three truths for you?

• 1:09:44Michael Todd?

  Number one, God is love.

• 1:09:48Michael Todd?

  The second message would be you're valuable.

• 1:09:53Michael Todd?

  And the third would be, um,

• 1:09:57Michael Todd?

  let your family be your greatest achievement.

• 1:10:03Michael Todd?

  Cause I would be gone. But they'd still be here.

• 1:10:08Michael Todd?

  And if you take all my content away, it would live through them.

• 1:10:11Lewis Howes?

  Hmm. It's kind of chill just thinking about that.

• 1:10:14Michael Todd?

  This book I dedicated to my grandchildren.

• 1:10:17Lewis Howes?

  Oh, that's beautiful.

• 1:10:19Michael Todd?

  I have no grandchildren.

• 1:10:20Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 1:10:20Michael Todd?

  Yet. My oldest is 10 years old. But, um, it, it was said, a good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children. And so the inheritance I want to leave is not just physical things. I'm gonna leave them that. But I want to leave them emotional health and spiritual health. And I believe this book, the content, the value, it's showing up in my daughters and my son and in their kids. And my family will be my greatest success story.

• 1:10:59Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 1:10:59Michael Todd?

  And because that keeps living on.

• 1:11:02Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely. That is beautiful, man.

• 1:11:04Michael Todd?

  Can I share something about the back cover?

• 1:11:06Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, go ahead.

• 1:11:07Michael Todd?

  Okay, so if you look at this back cover real quick, and I wrote this, this is the one the publisher wanted me to have. They want me to smile. Okay, but this is my cover right here. And we did a double cover. This is three generations of Todd.

• 1:11:22Lewis Howes?

  Of you?

• 1:11:23Michael Todd?

  Of my whole family, every man in my family.

• 1:11:25Lewis Howes?

  Oh, wow.

• 1:11:26Michael Todd?

  This is my dad's cheek. These are my brothers. This is me. This is my eye, and this is my son's eye.

• 1:11:32Lewis Howes?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 1:11:33Michael Todd?

  But it still looks like me.

• 1:11:35Lewis Howes?

  Wow, that's great.

• 1:11:36Michael Todd?

  But it's every man that is close to me. And this is to paint the picture that if you don't deal with your damage, you affect every person you love.

• 1:11:47Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 1:11:48Michael Todd?

  And this is what I said in the book. What's not transformed is transferred. So if I don't deal with what I'm seeing in my eye, it goes to what my son sees in his eye.

• 1:11:59Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 1:12:00Michael Todd?

  And so this is like the most powerful creative picture. Shout out to my little brother Grayson and my god brother John, who came up with this concept. But this is why

• 1:12:10Lewis Howes?

  That's beautiful.

• 1:12:11Michael Todd?

  you need to deal with your stuff because the people you say you love the most will experience the most effect if you don't.

• 1:12:18Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 1:12:19Michael Todd?

  And if you can't figure it out for yourself, at least do it for the people you love.

• 1:12:23Lewis Howes?

  Dude, this is amazing, man. I'm so excited for this. I want people to get a copy. Damaged but not destroyed. That's a really cool concept right there.

• 1:12:33Lewis Howes?

  Before I ask the final question, Michael, I want to acknowledge you, man, for Doing things that are of service not to impress people. Doing things that are on purpose not to people please. And in doing things your way, which is in alignment to a higher power for you.

• 1:12:53Michael Todd?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:53Lewis Howes?

  Not because you're trying to keep up with everyone else. So I really acknowledge you for that, man.

• 1:12:57Michael Todd?

  Thank you, brother.

• 1:12:58Lewis Howes?

  I've heard, you know, great things about you from other people. I've I loved our interactions. I love the conversations we've got to have, and I hope we have many more to come.

• 1:13:06Michael Todd?

  We'll have more, brother, more.

• 1:13:07Lewis Howes?

  On and off the show, but uh.

• 1:13:10Michael Todd?

  You're about to get married, brother, so I got I got a lot of wisdom that I guess share with you, baby. Hit me up, bro, hit me up.

• 1:13:17Lewis Howes?

  Uh, final question for you, and this is an interesting one because we all have a different definition of it. What is your definition of greatness?

• 1:13:25Michael Todd?

  Oh, my goodness, I'm on the school of greatness. Uh, my definition of greatness, if you would have asked me this a year and a half ago, two years ago, it would have been different. Um, because that's all I could accept. I'm I'm fine with people being great, but but it cannot be the only thing that's acceptable. So for me, um, my definition of greatness has changed to greatness is being good at what you know your purp- your purpose to be. Like, if you're good at what you know your purpose to be and good at what your purpose to do, you're great.

• 1:14:03Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:04Michael Todd?

  And a lot of people want to be great at everything, but now I just feel like good is okay at what. Uh, let me say it like this, good is okay at the right thing. And if you're good at the right thing, you're great.

• 1:14:18Lewis Howes?

  I hope today's episode inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a rundown of today's show with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me as well as ad free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel on Apple Podcast. If you enjoyed this, please share it with a friend over on social media or text a friend. Leave us a review over on Apple Podcast and let me know what you learned over on our social media channel. @louis howes. I really love hearing the feedback from you and it helps us continue to make the show better. And if you want more inspiration from our world-class guests and content to learn how to improve the quality of your life, then make sure to sign up for

• 1:15:00Lewis Howes?

  the greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com/newsletter. And if no one has told you today, I want to remind you that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.