“Vulnerability Is Scary As F*** But So Worth It” - You Can Heal Through Creativity | IN-Q

Today, Lewis Howes reconnects with his long-time friend and renowned poet, Adam "In-Q". In-Q discusses his recently released Never Ending Now Poetry Journal, a collection of poems and prompts designed to guide readers through a journey of self-discovery, healing, and creativity. Lewis and In-Q delve into the power of poetry as a transformative tool, touching on how writing has helped In-Q process emotions and trauma while finding peace and purpose. They explore themes like self-love, vulnerability, and creativity as In-Q shares poems about love, loss, and personal growth. Adam passionately advocates for the power of vulnerability and empathy through storytelling, believing it to be the key to transforming our collective future. Get ready to be inspired by his insights on how creative expression can be a profound force for healing and connection in today’s world. Buy The Never Ending Now Poetry Journal for yourself and a friend! Listen to In-Q’s album, The Never Ending Now! In this episode you will learnHow creativity can be a powerful tool for healing and personal transformation. The importance of writing prompts and journaling in uncovering and processing emotions. Ways to approach love and vulnerability in relationships, both with oneself and others. How to navigate challenges and conflicts in relationships by understanding non-negotiables. Why embracing authenticity and leading with love can lead to a more fulfilling and meaningful life. For more information go to www.lewishowes.com/1618For more Greatness text PODCAST to +1 (614) 350-3960More SOG episodes we think you’ll love:Eckhart Tolle – https://link.chtbl.com/1463-podRhonda Byrne – https://link.chtbl.com/1525-podJohn Maxwell – https://link.chtbl.com/1501-pod Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00IN-Q?

  Emotion is energy in motion, so it has to move. And if it doesn't move, it gets trapped inside of us. You have to purge and pray. Wow. To be willing to be vulnerable from a place of strength. It's scary as [bleep] and it is always worth it.

• 0:16Speaker 01

  Please welcome to the stage from Santa Monica, California, NQ. NQ is a beast.

• 0:28IN-Q?

  You have to be willing not to be liked in order to be loved. Ooh. People think that peace is a destination. Peace is a process. There's stages of peace. There's layers that you have to keep uncovering within yourself. Don't try to make something great. Make something true. It will automatically be great. Wow. I think hurt people hurt people and I was really hurt. I think we tend to love other people how we love ourselves. I was pretty violent to myself. Oh man, now you're gonna make me cry. Don't make me cry, bro.

• 1:05Lewis Howes?

  If you could only share one poem with the world that the world needs to hear, what would that be?

• 1:10IN-Q?

  Well.

• 1:14Lewis Howes?

  Welcome back everyone to the School of Greatness. Very excited about our guest. We have my good friend Adam NQ in the house. Good to see you, brother.

• 1:20IN-Q?

  Thank you for having me, man.

• 1:21Lewis Howes?

  Welcome to the basement of greatness in my home studio. Very excited that you're here. I've known you for I think 10 years.

• 1:28IN-Q?

  It's crazy.

• 1:29Lewis Howes?

  I remember Alexandra was like, how did you first meet NQ? And I was like, I couldn't remember if it was a boat or at a mountain, but I'm pretty sure it was at a mountain. Summit Series at a mountain. I can't remember if it was Tahoe or something like this, but you were performing. And I remember saying, this is one of the greatest live performers I've ever seen in my life. And it's still true today 10 years later. And ever since then, I was just like, dude, we need to connect. I need to watch you more. You've spoken at Summit of Greatness, I don't know, five times. You probably had the most standing ovations of any person that's ever been at my event. And I just really appreciate your genuine heart and your authenticity. So you're obviously, you're extremely talented, but there's so much more about you. And I'm excited that you're here.

• 2:13Lewis Howes?

  And I saw a prompt that you gave online recently. You give people writing prompts with your poetry. And you've got this journal out called the Never Ending Now Poetry Journal, which I want to talk about in a minute. But you you put this prompt out that said, write a poem to your past self, telling them something they needed to hear at the time from your perspective now. I'm curious if you could go to your future self and give yourself a line, a poem, a message to something you needed to hear now from the future. What would that be for you?

• 2:49IN-Q?

  First of all, thank you for all your kind words. The feeling is more than mutual.

• 2:56IN-Q?

  I think the first thing that comes to my mind and heart is I would maybe do a poem about not giving up, but giving in.

• 3:07IN-Q?

  And being willing to surrender to the surprise of life more than needing to show up and control everything all the time.

• 3:18Lewis Howes?

  That would be your message to your current self?

• 3:20IN-Q?

  Yeah, it's something I'm still processing in real time. Like, I'm in the transition phase of that. And, you know, there can be bumps in the transition phase. But I'm definitely on the path. Yeah, so I think if I crystallized that through creating a piece of art,

• 3:40IN-Q?

  it would probably help me to speed it up. And that future self could reflect that back on myself now, or I could reflect it to my future self. And it would probably have a similar result, which is one of the reasons that I created the journal in the first place. Can I also ask you if you have anything that you would want to tell your current self from your future self?

• 4:09Lewis Howes?

  I like asking these questions to other people, so I don't have to answer them. But

• 4:15Lewis Howes?

  I would probably say, I guess it depends the age, but if I'm like, you know, forty years away from now, I would probably say, keep loving bigger, keep your heart open.

• 4:30Lewis Howes?

  But create boundaries for the little Lewis inside of you, so he feels safe. But don't stop your generosity towards humanity and the world, even if people betray you or take advantage of you, or if that's your interpretation of their actions. Keep your heart open, but make sure you take care of little Lewis first, so he doesn't feel betrayed. And I would say, be willing to continue to go for it, because I feel like I've gone for it a lot in my life. I've just gone for life, like I'm up for the adventure, I'm up for taking the risk, for taking the shot, even if I make a mistake or fail. So I would say, if you want to truly

• 5:14Lewis Howes?

  continue to live at a beautiful level, you've got to keep going for it. Like, don't stop because you feel like you've got something, like keep giving, keep creating, keep serving, and keep going for it. That's probably what I'd say.

• 5:27IN-Q?

  I love that.

• 5:27Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 5:28IN-Q?

  I think it's an amazing message, and I feel like you're leading by example for yourself and for other people on the podcast and in other ways.

• 5:39Lewis Howes?

  I'm curious, you've been doing poetry for a long time. How do you feel, but I also know you've suffered emotionally in different areas of life, relationships, family, friends, different challenges.

• 5:51IN-Q?

  Yeah.

• 5:53Lewis Howes?

  How do you feel journaling, writing, you know, expressing your words or your thoughts on paper has allowed you to heal? And is there any research backing the power of journaling or writing poetry to help us transform our emotions and feel better and heal?

• 6:14IN-Q?

  I'm definitely not the person to discuss research with. That is not my strength or department of interest even.

• 6:23IN-Q?

  But I have personal research just from my life experience. I think creating and sharing my art has brought me more clarity, more peace, more presence, more compassion, more self-awareness. And it's made me feel connected to others in a way that nothing else has.

• 6:45Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 6:47IN-Q?

  I would say emotion is energy in motion.

• 6:51IN-Q?

  So it has to move. And if it doesn't move, it gets trapped inside of us and it can become disease. You know, disease. Or you take it out on somebody in traffic for no reason.

• 7:04Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 7:05IN-Q?

  So you have to find ways to move the energy and to share the stories that are trapped in your mind and in your heart and your body. And there's many modalities to do that. You can do breath work. You can, you know, do yoga. You can go to boxing even and have an intention behind your practice. You can, uh, I don't know, meditate, go to therapy. There's plenty of avenues. But one that is, uh, underused is creativity. You can create and move the energy and you can alchemize those things that are trapped inside of you. So that they transform into something else and you can feel energetically lighter and more free.

• 7:49Lewis Howes?

  What is the poem that you've written, whether it be recently or in the beginning of your creative process, that has given you the most healing? Personally, like when you wrote it, you felt you were healing. Every time you read it or perform it, you feel like you're healing. What is that poem?

• 8:09IN-Q?

  Well, I have two immediate answers that come to mind. The first one is. A poem about my father not being around and ultimately finding forgiveness. But I think that that's too easy of an answer.

• 8:24Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 8:25IN-Q?

  And the real answer is gonna sound cliche, but it's everyone. And then the next one, the one that hasn't been written. Because it's the most current and in real time to my life. And whatever it is that I choose to create around is something that I need to express. It's a breadcrumb trail that I am following. I'm the first person in my audience, so I'm not thinking what other people wanna hear. I'm paying attention in my daily life to when I get moved, when I get inspired, when I get pissed off, and I pluck it out of reality and I put it down on paper. And then if I go back to that beginning place, the rest of the poem will almost write itself

• 9:09IN-Q?

  if I give it enough time and space.

• 9:11Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 9:11IN-Q?

  So every single one is a healing process. And it's one of the reasons I like to facilitate for other people to do the same thing, because if they choose something moving and meaningful, it can be surprisingly healing.

• 9:23Lewis Howes?

  Yes. You have another quote or poem that you put online that says, "How do we talk about the problems without feeding them? If we ignore them, we most likely keep repeating them. If we explore them, we run the risk of reinforcing them." So, so how then do we get down to the source of them? So if we talk about our problems or write about them or create about them, are we feeding the problem or are we solving the problem by processing them? How do we not recreate old traumas or memories or wounds by sharing stories over and over again that we're trying to heal from?

• 10:02IN-Q?

  That is a great question. What you have to do is you have to hold two truths in the same space at the same time.

• 10:10Lewis Howes?

  Give me an example personally.

• 10:13IN-Q?

  Holding on and letting go. When I wrote the piece about my father, it was a piece about my anger and ultimately forgiveness and gratitude, but I wasn't able to actualize it until many, many years later. It took me a long time to catch up with the piece. So the piece was almost like a prayer.

• 10:37IN-Q?

  You have to purge and pray.

• 10:39Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 10:40IN-Q?

  Simultaneously. And if you do, I promise you, you will wind up feeling like a different person on the other side. And then when you share it with somebody and you're unconditionally loved and seen.

• 10:51Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 10:53IN-Q?

  To really like see and be seen, to be willing to be open, to be willing to be vulnerable from a place of strength, it's scariest and it is always worth it.

• 11:04Lewis Howes?

  Wow. So when did you write this poem about your dad?

• 11:09IN-Q?

  I think I was in my mid twenties.

• 11:10Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 11:11IN-Q?

  Yeah.

• 11:11Lewis Howes?

  So like twenty years ago?

• 11:13IN-Q?

  Something like that.

• 11:14Lewis Howes?

  Something like that.

• 11:15IN-Q?

  Forty five.

• 11:15Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 11:16IN-Q?

  Yeah.

• 11:17Lewis Howes?

  So when you wrote it, um, how long did it take for you to fully feel at peace with the relationship you had with him or lack of relationship you had with him? How, how long did it take for you to be like, I'm at peace with this? I forgive, I'm at peace.

• 11:34IN-Q?

  Well, I think, uh, people think that peace is a destination or like a product. Peace is a process. There's stages of peace. There's layers that you have to keep uncovering within yourself. So right now I can say I am as fully at peace as I have ever been. I can't say that I'm fully at peace.

• 11:58Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 11:59IN-Q?

  But one thing that I know about my life is every single thing that has ever happened to me, whether I understood it or not,

• 12:08IN-Q?

  in real time or in retrospect, has become a part of the quote of who I am.

• 12:13Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 12:15IN-Q?

  I don't like to compare circumstances. I don't like to compare pain, but I've had a lot of pain in my life. And everything that caused me pain is a part of my identity now. So if I reject that thing, I'm rejecting a part of who I am.

• 12:30Lewis Howes?

  Wow, yeah.

• 12:32IN-Q?

  And so you have to accept it in order to integrate it, in order to alchemize it, in order to move on with it.

• 12:38Lewis Howes?

  What's the most painful thing that you've had to overcome emotionally or internally? That.

• 12:48Lewis Howes?

  Maybe it took you a long time to overcome, or maybe it just was a really painful thing to overcome. And you really wish it didn't happen in the moment, and maybe you still don't wish, but you know you wouldn't be the identity you are and the man you are without that pain.

• 13:05IN-Q?

  I think there's a lot of them that come to mind.

• 13:09IN-Q?

  I'm not going to share some of them because I'm not ready to put them on display yet. But I go into a lot of those stories in the album and ultimately in the journal. You know, when I created the Never Ending Now album, I wasn't sure whether or not I wanted anybody to hear it.

• 13:33Lewis Howes?

  I know.

• 13:35Lewis Howes?

  Remember, I was there.

• 13:37IN-Q?

  Because you were one of the few people that I sent it to and was willing to trust because of your integrity, because of our friendship, and because I love you. And I know you've been through real things.

• 13:49IN-Q?

  And so I was like, okay.

• 13:50Lewis Howes?

  But it's scary putting it out there.

• 13:52IN-Q?

  A hundred percent.

• 13:53Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 13:53IN-Q?

  I'm taking my own medicine.

• 13:56IN-Q?

  You know, so I was like, all right, let me, I finished this thing, this work of art that was like a reflection of my path to self-love and love with a partner through poetry. And this conversation that was very intimate that I had with my wife.

• 14:15IN-Q?

  And then I was like, I don't know that I want to show this to people. Or even weirder, monetize this thing. And leave it open for people to criticize it, to judge it, to validate it, to compliment it. It didn't really matter what their response was. I didn't want to externalize my self-worth that way because it was so close to my heart. And then I was like, all right, I'm going to send it to like five people. And I sent it to five people, including you and Mike Posner, who's a great friend.

• 14:54IN-Q?

  And Mike was the first person that got back to me. And my criteria for sending it out was, okay, if one person hears the album and hits me back and says, hey, this was moving and meaningful to me. Like this landed.

• 15:12IN-Q?

  Then I would put it out. But if everybody was like, yeah, this is good. I really like it. I think you should, then I wasn't gonna do it. And so Mike hit me back right away and he was like, literally, he goes, if you don't put this album out, he said, I'll pry it out of your cold, dead hands.

• 15:33IN-Q?

  And then I had sent it to you guys and you listened to it and had, you know, a similar but different response. Then I was like, all right, let me, let me lead by example, even though it's hard and scary.

• 15:44Lewis Howes?

  Why is it so hard for most people to put out something that is their art or their expression, but also has sadness, pain, loss, embarrassment tied to it in some way? Why is that so challenging for anyone, let alone artists?

• 16:01IN-Q?

  Because they're scared to be rejected for truly showing us who they are. But the thing is, like, if I get rejected, if I put this project out and people don't respond to it, or worse, they really don't like it. Then at least I know they don't like something that's really me. I mean, I know that the art is separate from me. It's not really me, but it is as close as tracing paper could come when I made it.

• 16:33Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 16:35IN-Q?

  And so I'm like, all right, if they don't like it, at least I know I showed up. Rather than making something that's perfect, that everybody's gonna love. And then they say, wow, I love this thing and I love you, but I don't even feel it because I was never there.

• 16:57IN-Q?

  Yeah.

• 16:58Lewis Howes?

  It wasn't fully authentic. It wasn't fully you.

• 17:00IN-Q?

  Yeah.

• 17:01Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 17:02IN-Q?

  How do you do that? Like, for example, I, I was thinking about many things that you have shared over the years driving over here and the courage that it took to do that. Well, what was and is your process?

• 17:15Lewis Howes?

  I think a lot of it was. When I started opening up about vulnerable things to individuals, to friends, to family, and then kind of publicly, you know, my expression to the world in different ways. I think I was so depressed, you know, this, this line from like Jim Carrey comes to me where it's like depression is like you needing deep rest from the character you've been playing. Something like that. It's like you are depressed because you need deep rest from the character you've been playing. It's like you've been wearing some mask, you've been putting on some identity that's not truly you. Maybe parts of you are out there, but not all of you.

• 17:52IN-Q?

  Yeah.

• 17:52Lewis Howes?

  And so a lot of me was out there, but there were other parts of me that were afraid if you or anyone actually knew who I was, what I'd been through, what had happened to me, would anyone like me or love me? And that was the ultimate fear. If people truly knew, they would never like me. And then I would be alone. And then I would die alone and suffer for the rest of my life. It's kind of the fear that I had. And so I think I just felt like I'd rather be alone and no one like me than everyone know, you know, just parts of me and not all of me. And I think it got to that point when I hit thirty that I realized there were parts of me that people weren't aware of. And I wasn't willing

• 18:35Lewis Howes?

  to face them myself, let alone share them with other people. And that just wasn't the life I wanted to live anymore. Now, it was scary to, on the other end, because I didn't want to live alone and I didn't want to have people not like me or love me or accept me. But I think that's the risk probably every artist has to take to put their expression out there, that you may not be liked or understood or loved. You may be criticized or hated or whatever might be, you know, taken advantage of for who you truly are. And I think that's the biggest fear. But I'd rather feel free and have no friends than be a prisoner and have everyone like me.

• 19:13IN-Q?

  I very much relate to that. I have a line that says, you have to be willing not to be liked in order to be loved.

• 19:20Lewis Howes?

  Ooh.

• 19:21IN-Q?

  Otherwise, it's your representative they're thinking of. It's like that disguise thing that you're talking about, that character that you're playing, and you're doing it for good reasons. Survival.

• 19:38IN-Q?

  You know, mental, emotional, physical, spiritual. If you felt unsafe in your life, that's where the character came from.

• 19:45IN-Q?

  Exactly.

• 19:46IN-Q?

  But the thing is, it's exhausting to walk around with all that armor.

• 19:50IN-Q?

  Draining. What was that, what's that poem called? That you were just?

• 19:54IN-Q?

  I think it's called Bird Song. You know, I never really like name my, my pieces until I actually put them out.

• 20:00IN-Q?

  Could you share that one? Can you perform that one? Do you have that one?

• 20:03IN-Q?

  Yeah, I actually do.

• 20:09IN-Q?

  The birds aren't singing to win a Grammy.

• 20:15IN-Q?

  They're not trying to go platinum through their marketing or planning. They're just jamming. I listen without even understanding. The truth without agenda is authentically astounding.

• 20:31IN-Q?

  It makes me think of cheetahs. They don't run for our approval. They don't judge their spots or contemplate laser hair removal.

• 20:42IN-Q?

  It makes me think of wolves. They don't howl for validation. They don't have to get the perfect pic to post on their vacation. It makes me think of eagles. They're not soaring to impress me. Although once I saw a dolphin backflip over a jet ski. My point is neither one of them would sell me shit on Etsy and I doubt a porcupine would ever try to come off sexy.

• 21:09IN-Q?

  Humans are the only animals pretending to be something that they're not.

• 21:15IN-Q?

  Wow.

• 21:17IN-Q?

  Why are we ashamed of what we've got? We should strut, chest out, head up. Let's be proud of ourselves for once. Isn't it exhausting sticking out your butt and sucking in your gut and for what? It's a waste of energy. I'm giving up. In this moment, I'm enough. In this moment, you're enough. In this moment, we're enough. I'm dismantling my image. We are perfect in our flaws. Birds don't care whether we listen. They don't wait for our applause. I have built a lovely prison, but I live behind the wall. So if love is my religion, I'll escape when freedom calls.

• 21:58IN-Q?

  You have to be willing not to be liked in order to be loved. Otherwise, it's your representative they're thinking of.

• 22:10IN-Q?

  But to truly be yourself, you have to let go of what was. The past is like a prison. It's an echo repeating just because, cause, cause. We are many people in our lives, so I'm not one to judge. But if they love one part of you, it's limited to what that does.

• 22:28IN-Q?

  I want your whole soul.

• 22:32IN-Q?

  I have no goal. Show me the unseen stuff. Don't invite me over only after you have cleaned up. Perfect makes me want to kick my feet up. No one's living in a catalog Ikea dreamed up. Have you ever seen a lion chase a hundred zebras? Have you ever seen a turtle hide inside a shell? A caterpillar doesn't know that she'll become a butterfly. So if you go to heaven, are you still aware of heaven?

• 23:03Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 23:06Lewis Howes?

  When did you write that one?

• 23:09IN-Q?

  I don't remember.

• 23:10Lewis Howes?

  Is it like a few years ago or is this like a decade ago? I mean.

• 23:13IN-Q?

  No, it's like a few years ago.

• 23:15Lewis Howes?

  It's more recent, yeah.

• 23:16IN-Q?

  I was on the phone with a friend of mine and

• 23:21IN-Q?

  the birds were just like really loud. And during the conversation, I said something about the birds aren't singing to win a Grammy. And then I thought, you know what, I like that. Pause the conversation. I wrote it down and then started to build on it later.

• 23:39Lewis Howes?

  Of all the poems that you've written and performed, how many of them talk about love?

• 23:48IN-Q?

  I think all of them in some form or fashion. But I think some of them are self-love. Some of them are romantic love. Some of them are love of God. Some of them are love of humanity, nature, all of it.

• 24:04Lewis Howes?

  What would you say? How long have you been doing poetry? Would you say like officially, you know? That's part of your thing, not just like, I did it when I was like seven, a little bit here and there. But like, what was the year where you're like, oh, I'm doing this consistently. Do you remember?

• 24:18IN-Q?

  I mean, I think I'm past thirty years.

• 24:21Lewis Howes?

  Thirty years.

• 24:21IN-Q?

  Yeah, it's like one of the longest, at least internal relationships of my life. You know, my, my relationship with rhythm and rhyme.

• 24:32Lewis Howes?

  What do you feel like has been the biggest lesson around self-love? In the last thirty years of writing and performing poetry that you've discovered and had to learn?

• 24:47IN-Q?

  Well, it's something that I try to teach other people. Like when I facilitate for the poetry workshops in person and why we created this journal in partnership with Passion Planner to scale those workshops without me having to be there. I automatically take away anybody's blocks by saying, don't try to make something great.

• 25:15IN-Q?

  Make something true. And if you make something true, it will automatically be great. And I'm telling people stuff that I need to relearn over and over and over again. Because if I sit down and I say, I'm gonna make something great. I'm just getting in my own way. I'm turning my back on the muse. I have to be willing to just take the ride. Some of the best poems for me are poems where I'm surprised at where they go.

• 25:48Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 25:48IN-Q?

  Yeah, cuz I don't like get overly strategic before I start writing. I just start in some sort of a spark and then see what, what fire it turns into.

• 25:58Lewis Howes?

  So it might be, okay, I heard the birds sing and you thought of this idea. You know, maybe you're on the phone with a music person and you're like, oh, they're not singing to win a Grammy. And you're like, okay, where could I take this in other areas of life? Is that kind of how it starts or?

• 26:11IN-Q?

  Yeah.

• 26:12Lewis Howes?

  Okay, the birds are this, the wolves this, the bears the this, you know, it's like, let's keep the analogies going and then.

• 26:18IN-Q?

  Yeah, it's like basically you're, you're building railroad tracks.

• 26:25IN-Q?

  And you're the railroad tracks. And you're the train. And you're the conductor. And you're the beginning, middle, and end, the destination, wherever you wind up. And you're also none of those things because you're the observer.

• 26:43Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 26:45IN-Q?

  So it's a spiritual practice, creativity.

• 26:50Lewis Howes?

  You have this other, do you call them poems when you put something online? Like an Instagram post? Is that like a short poem? Or is that like a phrase within a poem usually?

• 27:01IN-Q?

  Well, yes, it's usually a phrase within a much larger poem, which is, to be quite honest, very annoying to me. You know, I want, of course, please follow me on Instagram. But it's like, I always feel like it's a truncated version of what the art is. And that's why I'm excited to put out actual like finished pieces that people can experience on their own time. So it's a great window into my work, but I'm not sure.

• 27:27Lewis Howes?

  Snippets, it's not the full thing. You have this, you know, poem within a poem, I guess you call it, about love that you shared recently. It said, "Love is not a guarantee. It will come and it will leave. It relies on your belief, so it will bring you to your knees. Love is weak, love is lost. Love is grief, love is loss. Love is risk, love is real. But love is worth the pain we feel." Where did that come from?

• 27:57IN-Q?

  Let me say the next line.

• 27:58Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 27:59IN-Q?

  "And I won't let the fear of losing you limit how I'm loving you."

• 28:04Lewis Howes?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 28:09Lewis Howes?

  Can you share that whole poem?

• 28:11IN-Q?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 28:16IN-Q?

  Let me actually give you the behind the.

• 28:18Lewis Howes?

  Context, give me the context.

• 28:20IN-Q?

  So I was doing this collaboration piece. And it was like a marketing team and a brand that were involved in this project. I don't want to go into the specifics because it really doesn't matter. But they had liked this particular poem that had already been written. And it ends.

• 28:41IN-Q?

  Save the day with love. So we're on this like planning call about the piece of art collaborative project that we're doing. And one of the guys goes, hey, is there any way we can change the final word? Because he goes, love is a bit soft. And he goes, I want to end on something that has more like strength and pizzazz. And I was like, no.

• 29:06IN-Q?

  Because it's not your poem.

• 29:07IN-Q?

  First of all, no. Respectfully, second of all, I don't look at love as soft. I said, I look at love as hard.

• 29:20IN-Q?

  And he goes, okay. And then the conversation ended and I hung up and I wrote this piece.

• 29:30IN-Q?

  Love is not soft, love is hard.

• 29:34IN-Q?

  Love is not smooth, love is scarred. Love is not perfect, love is flawed. Love is not quiet, love is loud. Love is not pride, love is proud. But love is not certain. Love is doubt. And love is not leaving. Love's turning around. Love's learning to fight for the middle ground. Love is not gentle, love is rough. Love is not fragile, love is tough. Love is not thinking that love is enough.

• 30:17IN-Q?

  So I choose to love you harder from the moment I wake up.

• 30:23IN-Q?

  Love is a revolutionary act. Love is an attack. Love is not abstract. Love is a fact. Love is saying yes when I want to say no. Love is saying stay when I want to say go. Love is staying high even when I get low. Love is going with the flow, holding on and letting go. Because love is not easy. Love is complex. Love is not right or wrong, love is context. Love is not black or white, love is progress because love is not a product. Love is a process, yes?

• 31:04IN-Q?

  So in the simple moments, when the chaos fades away,

• 31:11IN-Q?

  in the silence of the evening or the empty of my day, I remember what it feels like to give my heart away and think how lucky I have been to get to love someone this way and how lucky we still are to get to love someone this way. It's a miracle to be alive. That's why I have to say, love is not a guarantee. It will come and it will leave. It relies on my belief. So it will bring me to my knees. Love is weak, love is lost, love is grief, love is loss, love is risk, love is real, but love is worth the pain I feel. And I won't let the fear of losing you

• 31:56IN-Q?

  limit how I'm loving you.

• 32:01IN-Q?

  I'm gonna love you harder. It's a privilege to be hugging you. I'm gonna love you harder, more than ever before. I'm at peace with knowing love is war. That's what we're fighting for.

• 32:16IN-Q?

  So love harder.

• 32:19IN-Q?

  First yourself, then your family, your friends, your coworkers, your neighbors in your community.

• 32:29IN-Q?

  Then try to love a stranger. Try to tap into your empathy. Imagine that you've known them and protected them since infancy.

• 32:40IN-Q?

  Now try to love the people that you don't love at all. Even people you don't like, they probably need it most of all. And if you can't love them big, see if you can love them small.

• 32:59IN-Q?

  See if you can hold compassion for the assholes that they are.

• 33:04IN-Q?

  And they are.

• 33:07IN-Q?

  But love is not soft. Love is hard. Love is scarred. Love is flawed. Love is loud. Love is proud. Love is doubt. And since love is most important when we do not know how.

• 33:22IN-Q?

  I will choose to love you harder in the never ending now.

• 33:27Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 33:29Lewis Howes?

  Oh, yeah.

• 33:31Lewis Howes?

  Now, I love this poem. But how do you love someone who's hurt you?

• 33:38Lewis Howes?

  And continues to hurt you over and over again? How do you choose to love, accept and forgive? Someone who's done horrible things to you?

• 33:50IN-Q?

  You're a great conversationalist and a great interviewer because

• 33:56IN-Q?

  that's a really, really strong question. And I have to search myself for the answer. I think I can't answer that for anybody else.

• 34:04Lewis Howes?

  How have you learned to? I mean, through this? The album that you put out, I mean, there's a lot of vulnerable, you know, things in there. That you talk about and you share about. And I know personal stuff about you. I don't want to say it for you if you want to or not. It's fine. But how have you dealt with

• 34:24Lewis Howes?

  loving people who are the closest to you who have hurt you? And how do you do it? Even if they don't want to change their behaviors? And even if they keep doing things that continue to hurt you? Knowing or unknowingly? How do you choose to love them? Personally?

• 34:43IN-Q?

  One day at a time, one moment at a time? Knowing that the love is bigger than whatever the conflict is or the misunderstanding is? And continuing to show up over and over again?

• 34:58IN-Q?

  Zooming out? When you get too close to the television and all you see is the pixels? You gotta zoom out and get the full picture? And you also have to acknowledge and recognize and remind yourself.

• 35:15IN-Q?

  That you don't know everything. There's plenty of things that I thought were true at times in my life that I look back on and I'm like, man, what truth was I living? Like, that's not true to me anymore. And that's progress, that's growth, that's evolution. So I, I don't like regret anything that I've done. But there are things that I would do differently. And I'm sure there are things now that I don't understand or ways that I'll change in the future. So like, just remembering that I don't know everything. And maybe there's some new information here for me to discover,

• 35:54IN-Q?

  rather than to come into it with like my idea of what it is and then miss what it actually is.

• 36:03Lewis Howes?

  I think both of me and you are on a, have a similar journey that we're on, which is.

• 36:12Lewis Howes?

  Get a personal here, but we're, we're both on a journey of wanting to become parents one day.

• 36:19IN-Q?

  Yeah.

• 36:21Lewis Howes?

  But we're both not parents yet.

• 36:25Lewis Howes?

  What do you think type of love will happen when we become fathers?

• 36:28IN-Q?

  Oh man, now you're gonna make me cry. Don't make me cry, bro.

• 36:31Lewis Howes?

  I was, I was, I'm about to get emotional thinking about it, but what do you think? You know, you've written about love. You've experienced it, but I don't think we've fully experienced it.

• 36:41IN-Q?

  Yeah.

• 36:41Lewis Howes?

  I think we've scratched the surface of what we think love truly is. What do you think will happen when we become fathers in that first, you know, few moments? What type of love will there be that you think we'll experience?

• 36:57IN-Q?

  I think it's gonna be an explosion of love, like the big bang. The other night I was fast asleep. I was like dreaming about something or other. Tony Soprano. We've been watching Sopranos again. Brilliant show. It's funny because this is complete separate thing. But like when I first watched The Sopranos, I was like 19.

• 37:20Lewis Howes?

  Oh, shit.

• 37:20IN-Q?

  Now I'm watching The Sopranos. I'm Tony Soprano's age.

• 37:23Lewis Howes?

  It's crazy, man.

• 37:24IN-Q?

  You know, it's a completely different show. So anyway, my wife had never seen it. So I'm like, you know, mid dream. And there's this like explosion outside of our window. It was something having to do with a power line. And nothing happened. That was crazy, but it was a loud bang. And sparks right outside the window. And we didn't know what it was gunshot, you know, I had no idea you're coming out of your dream. And before I could even think, I had dove on top of her. Literally, and I was just covering her, you know?

• 38:05IN-Q?

  I know that I'm still the star of my own show, but I would give up my role for my wife.

• 38:11Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 38:11IN-Q?

  In a fucking second.

• 38:13Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 38:14IN-Q?

  And I imagine that it would be exponential. You know, once you have a kid. So it's almost like. And I don't want to like get overly like spiritual, but I feel like you would finally know like God's love. You know, because there is a level of like unconditional. That is beyond like a mental framing, you know?

• 38:44Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, no matter how much that kid messes up, like you're just gonna love them.

• 38:47IN-Q?

  And you'd probably give it all up for them in a second.

• 38:50Lewis Howes?

  Of course.

• 38:51IN-Q?

  Yeah. A- any part of it, I mean, you know? And and how do you still create boundaries? Within that?

• 38:59Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, exactly. How do you love unconditionally, but also, okay, you can't cross this boundary. Yeah.

• 39:04IN-Q?

  Yeah. What about you? Like, what do you think when?

• 39:07Lewis Howes?

  Let me answer that in a second.

• 39:08IN-Q?

  Yeah.

• 39:09Lewis Howes?

  But have you written a poem for your child?

• 39:16IN-Q?

  You know, I wrote a poem about parenthood. And whenever I do it, everybody's like. Automatically assumes throughout the whole entire poem that I'm like a parent of like five kids, you know, because how does he know so much? And I was just using my intuition and imagination.

• 39:36Lewis Howes?

  But have you written a poem about your child?

• 39:39IN-Q?

  No.

• 39:39Lewis Howes?

  That is coming.

• 39:40IN-Q?

  I'm gonna do that now, but it but I'm not gonna write it from the standpoint of showing it to anybody or making it great.

• 39:47Lewis Howes?

  Of course.

• 39:48IN-Q?

  I'm gonna do what I said earlier. And I'm feeling the resonance of you saying that because it is something that we want to create. So I should probably be creating around that creation.

• 40:04Lewis Howes?

  I don't expect you to ever share, maybe you share the poem publicly in the future if you feel like it or not. But if you were to write a poem about your child that is coming,

• 40:16Lewis Howes?

  what would you think would an unedited first line be? That maybe you use, maybe you wouldn't use. What would be like off the top of your mind that you think would be a line? And this may be not the thing you use in the future, but what's on your heart right now?

• 40:34IN-Q?

  Thank you.

• 40:38IN-Q?

  I love you.

• 40:41IN-Q?

  You're welcome. Welcome.

• 40:48Lewis Howes?

  That's not like a Moana song.

• 40:52Lewis Howes?

  You're welcome.

• 40:56Lewis Howes?

  You watch that movie?

• 40:56IN-Q?

  Yeah, it's a great movie.

• 40:57Lewis Howes?

  Great movie.

• 40:58IN-Q?

  Yeah.

• 40:59Lewis Howes?

  Martha loves that movie.

• 41:00IN-Q?

  Yeah.

• 41:00Lewis Howes?

  She is Moana.

• 41:02IN-Q?

  Yeah.

• 41:02Lewis Howes?

  She is like, that's her like Disney character. So that's who she identifies as.

• 41:06IN-Q?

  Nice. Everybody has like a.

• 41:07Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, and I'm Maui.

• 41:09IN-Q?

  You are.

• 41:09Lewis Howes?

  We've taken the test. There's like a Disney quiz that you can be like, what character are you of every Disney movie? And she is Moana and I am Maui.

• 41:18IN-Q?

  You guys are destined.

• 41:19Lewis Howes?

  It's crazy. It's really crazy. Of all the movies, what would you be? What would your character be that you resonate with the most?

• 41:29Lewis Howes?

  Maybe you haven't seen all the Disney movies, but.

• 41:32IN-Q?

  Wow, I don't know. There's not one that could. Give me some options.

• 41:36Lewis Howes?

  I mean, I don't know. Beauty and the Beast, there's Aladdin, there's, uh, I don't know. I don't know what other movies there are, but.

• 41:43IN-Q?

  I mean, it's funny. I've written like.

• 41:44Lewis Howes?

  Lion King, I don't know.

• 41:46IN-Q?

  For Disney television.

• 41:47Lewis Howes?

  You've done fifty songs for them?

• 41:48IN-Q?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not for their, uh, movie movies, but for the TV shows, and I, I literally can't.

• 41:53Lewis Howes?

  Lion King, Aladdin, I mean.

• 41:56IN-Q?

  Yeah.

• 41:57Lewis Howes?

  I did this, he was there.

• 41:59IN-Q?

  Yeah, I'll be that, I'll be that little crab.

• 42:03Lewis Howes?

  You could be the monkey in Lion King.

• 42:05IN-Q?

  Sounds good.

• 42:06Lewis Howes?

  Who's got the wisdom.

• 42:07IN-Q?

  Sounds good.

• 42:08Lewis Howes?

  You got the wisdom and you're like, yeah.

• 42:10IN-Q?

  Yeah.

• 42:11Lewis Howes?

  It's kind of rhyming in poetry. Yeah, the crab is rhyming.

• 42:14IN-Q?

  I don't know. I actually, it's something to explore. I mean, it's interesting that you guys, I said to you upstairs, I mean, you're, you're truly best friends, which is what you need for a lifelong walk.

• 42:24Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 42:25IN-Q?

  Um, or at least it's what I need, so I can recognize it when I see it in other people.

• 42:29Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, man. I felt like I needed peace and I feel like, I don't feel like best friends

• 42:37Lewis Howes?

  are angry at each other a lot.

• 42:38IN-Q?

  Hmm.

• 42:39Lewis Howes?

  Like, you know, Matt is my best friend that I've known over twenty years, like, we don't really argue with each other, get angry. Maybe we have like disagreements, but we're not angry at each other or like, screw you. That's maybe happened like a couple of times for like an hour and like, oh, my bad. You know, I didn't mean to hurt you. You know, it wasn't intentional. But I think if you're getting into an intimate relationship with someone and you're every week fighting, that doesn't seem like a best friend. That seems like a friend that you don't want to understand or choose to accept and vice versa if they're fighting with you. And it maybe doesn't mean you, you like the things they're doing, but for whatever reason, why do you think in intimate relationships, we struggle creating harmony and peace with the person we're choosing?

• 43:22Lewis Howes?

  Not me and you, but in the past I have.

• 43:25IN-Q?

  And I have too.

• 43:26Lewis Howes?

  And, and we see this with a lot of people. Why do you think we choose intimate partners that we want to be best friends with? But then we end up fighting with all the time and not seeing eye to eye. Why do you think that is in love? And relationships.

• 43:42IN-Q?

  It's a combination of things, in my opinion. One is, I think we're learning about ourselves through these relationships. And a part of what we're learning is what is negotiable and what is non-negotiable. And the things that are non-negotiable are things that have to be in harmony.

• 44:00Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 44:01IN-Q?

  You're never gonna have perfect harmony with any partner, any friendship.

• 44:06Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 44:06IN-Q?

  Any business relationship. But you have to have harmony over the things that are non-negotiable. Otherwise, you will wind up fighting over those things in various disguises forever.

• 44:22Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 44:24IN-Q?

  And I think what happens is, when we're lonely, or when we really wanna have a life partner, we try to fit a square peg into a round hole. We don't fully acknowledge the things that are non-negotiable for us. And we don't fully acknowledge who we're actually with. To truly see the person in front of you, not who you want them to be, to truly see. I always say that like, relationships are like an archaeological dig. And you don't wanna use a jackhammer. You know, you wanna use a brush.

• 45:04IN-Q?

  Just slowly brush away the relationship and keep showing up and getting to know each other over and over again. You can't have a crash course in intimacy. You can't know all of who someone is in six months. You ever see people who are like newly in love and they're not even in love with each other? They just have this like, projection thought bubble that's in between the two of them?

• 45:29Lewis Howes?

  They're perfect, yeah. They're perfect.

• 45:32IN-Q?

  Yeah.

• 45:33Lewis Howes?

  It's just the chemicals that they're in love with.

• 45:35IN-Q?

  Yeah.

• 45:36Lewis Howes?

  The feeling of love.

• 45:37IN-Q?

  Right. And then what happens is is the person doesn't live up to your unspoken expectations.

• 45:43Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 45:44IN-Q?

  And you resent them and you fight them. Be what I want you to be so that I don't have to be lonely anymore.

• 45:52Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 45:53IN-Q?

  You know, it's like if you actually knew who you were and you were willing to let go. And by you, I mean me, because I had to learn this over and over again.

• 46:02Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 46:03IN-Q?

  Broken record, repeating the same mistakes, dancing to the music that I didn't even like because it was the patterns. Um, if you were able to do that, then you would actually go like, huh.

• 46:18IN-Q?

  I don't think this is right for me. We have some things that are non-negotiable.

• 46:24IN-Q?

  That's okay. Can we negotiate what's non-negotiable? If we can't, then I love you and I'm gonna move in another direction.

• 46:35Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 46:35IN-Q?

  Because I love myself more and I love the future partnership more. When I first met Adriana on our first date.

• 46:45IN-Q?

  Uh, at the end of the date, she asked me, she goes, so how old are you? And I was like, I'm thirty nine.

• 46:51Lewis Howes?

  She was what?

• 46:53IN-Q?

  What's that?

• 46:53Lewis Howes?

  What was she at that time?

• 46:54IN-Q?

  Gosh, she was twenty five, which by the way, there was no way, I didn't know how old she was when we went on our first date. And uh, because we met online. And I was like, there's no way, because I had my own list.

• 47:07Lewis Howes?

  Uh huh.

• 47:08IN-Q?

  And I was like, I'm not seriously dating anybody that's not blah, blah, blah.

• 47:12Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 47:12IN-Q?

  I'm not blah, blah, blah. I'm not blah, blah, blah. I am blah, blah, blah. These are the ideas that I had for my partnership. But I was at least mature enough to show up and see what was there. And she was too. So anyway, she goes, you're thirty nine, you don't have any kids? I go, no.

• 47:33IN-Q?

  She goes, okay. You've never been married? I go, no. She goes, okay.

• 47:39Lewis Howes?

  What's wrong with you?

• 47:40IN-Q?

  What's wrong with you?

• 47:42Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 47:44IN-Q?

  And the thing is, she had every right to ask it.

• 47:46Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 47:47IN-Q?

  Every right, because I knew why she was asking. But the truth is, I had been asking myself the same thing.

• 47:54Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 47:55IN-Q?

  And I was uncomfortable answering because I wasn't sure if I was not settling to settle down, or I was actually getting in the way of having real intimacy.

• 48:04Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 48:05IN-Q?

  And so I go, I don't want to answer that. And then it got hella awkward and the date ended soon afterwards. And I think both of us thought we were never going to see each other. And then luckily, we got a second date and and six years later, here we are.

• 48:20Lewis Howes?

  Wow. So what made you so uncomfortable to answer that question? Or what was the answer inside of you that you didn't want to share?

• 48:29IN-Q?

  Well, now, all these years later, she was the reason that she asked. You know, she was the answer.

• 48:37Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 48:39IN-Q?

  You know, there was nothing wrong with me. I was waiting for for having that true ride or die. Because how I grew up, and I think you you might be able to relate, but I won't put words in your mouth. Trust for me is nonnegotiable.

• 48:55Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 48:56IN-Q?

  Trust for me is everything because I didn't grow up feeling trust in many ways.

• 49:03IN-Q?

  And I'm not pointing any fingers. I'm grateful for everything. I have so much love for my childhood and who I am sitting here with you now.

• 49:15Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 49:15IN-Q?

  Which took all of it.

• 49:17Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 49:17IN-Q?

  But like, I can't be in a real partnership unless I can look at my partner and be like, I got you and you have me and we're across the room. And, you know, I hadn't found that.

• 49:31Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 49:32IN-Q?

  And I had been trying to fight with past relationships to turn them into that. And and now, in retrospect, I want to apologize to all of them and thank them. Because they were helping me figure out who I was and what was nonnegotiable so that I could get to that person that I truly have that type of partnership with.

• 49:52Lewis Howes?

  Did you feel like you were that person for yourself? Did you trust yourself fully?

• 49:58IN-Q?

  No, and I think that there were even times where I used the other person as my excuse to not look within.

• 50:06Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 50:08IN-Q?

  So I was almost like, you ever like, uh,

• 50:12IN-Q?

  I don't know, like choose somebody unavailable because you are unavailable?

• 50:16Lewis Howes?

  Of course.

• 50:17IN-Q?

  And then blame them for being unavailable?

• 50:19Lewis Howes?

  The longer you get into it, you're like, okay, why aren't you more available for me? Yeah, I'm sure I was the same way for them.

• 50:24IN-Q?

  Yeah.

• 50:25Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 50:26IN-Q?

  Oh, but then maybe somebody comes to you and says, wow, like I'm available and you're like, I'm not attracted to them for some reason.

• 50:33Lewis Howes?

  You know, it's interesting as you're saying this, like if someone is emotionally available, they would never choose someone who's unavailable.

• 50:40IN-Q?

  Exactly.

• 50:40Lewis Howes?

  They they would see it and they was like, that doesn't work for me. Like they have to be equally available for me to want to be willing to explore this. Cause if someone's saying I'm available emotionally, but I'm choosing someone wounded who doesn't open up and who's got all these secrets inside and doesn't want to look me in my eyes and connect with me intimately. Then you're wounded still because you're trying to fix someone.

• 51:05IN-Q?

  Yes, and that's hard to take responsibility for. It's much easier for us to blame other people to find excuses. And when we do that, we get farther away from the truth and we have to uncover more layers so that we can get down to taking responsibility for ourselves and our choices.

• 51:28Lewis Howes?

  You talked about truth a few minutes ago about how the more wisdom and experience and years you have, the more you realize some things are true that you thought weren't true and that are untrue that now are true, like you you learn new lessons. What do you think is the most true thing that you 100% know to be true?

• 51:51IN-Q?

  Here we are.

• 51:54Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 51:56IN-Q?

  I know that.

• 51:56Lewis Howes?

  Uh huh.

• 51:57IN-Q?

  Here we are. Right here, right now. And I'm grateful that we are.

• 52:07Lewis Howes?

  What was the biggest thing that you thought was true for most of your life that you realized was not true? And it was

• 52:17IN-Q?

  No, no, go ahead.

• 52:17Lewis Howes?

  It was just something that was like, oh, I held on to this belief that this thing was true. And then later in life, you realize, oh, maybe that was just a wounded part of me, or just I wasn't educated enough, or I didn't have the experience or the wisdom, or I learned it from the wrong person. Was there anything like that?

• 52:34IN-Q?

  I think hurt people hurt people, and I was really hurt, and I think I hurt a lot of people, and I think I hurt myself a lot. But you know, I think we tend to love other people how we love ourselves. I was pretty violent to myself in my behavior, in my thought process.

• 52:54IN-Q?

  I was telling a friend relatively recently, I used to have like images of killing myself like in my mind over and over again, like at random times throughout the day. And it wasn't even like I was gonna do it. I would just have like a flash image of like just not existing anymore.

• 53:14Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 53:15IN-Q?

  And going out in in a violent way. How am I supposed to be able to love somebody in a healthy way if that's what I'm doing to myself?

• 53:26IN-Q?

  I wrote this poem, it has one line though, that I'll share. And it says,

• 53:35IN-Q?

  says, being angry at God is like yelling at yourself in the mirror.

• 53:43IN-Q?

  Because no matter what you say,

• 53:48IN-Q?

  God will be waiting for you when you are done.

• 53:52Lewis Howes?

  Oh, my gosh. Say that one more time.

• 53:56IN-Q?

  Being angry at God is like yelling at yourself in the mirror. Because no matter what you say, God will be waiting for you when you are done.

• 54:04Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 54:06IN-Q?

  So that's what I was doing. Yelling at myself in the mirror all the time. And then going out into the world and finding the evidence for what I was choosing and unchoosing to believe.

• 54:21IN-Q?

  You know, so is there anything for you that you feel like you've had to unlearn that was so true at that time that that now you have a different perspective on?

• 54:33Lewis Howes?

  I mean, the thing that I thought was true for most of my life was I'm worthless. So I had to unlearn that because

• 54:41Lewis Howes?

  it is not true. And I believed it so much to be true, probably like you in certain ways.

• 54:49Lewis Howes?

  I'm worthless, uh, you know? And no one will love me was kind of the truth, the lie I was telling myself.

• 55:00Lewis Howes?

  And I think, um, it was like you said before, it was exhausting and draining. It was. It was just, yeah, it sucked the life out of me. And I think when it, when I finally learned how to let that go and step into a different truth. It felt freeing. It felt like peace, harmony for the first time. And I think life is a, for me, life is a consistent journey of repetition. And if not, if I'm not repeatedly showing up,

• 55:36Lewis Howes?

  contributing to myself with these types of positive truths, these types of reps, then I could easily slide back if I have a few bad days of just like negative reps. And so it's just a consistent, like you said, the truth, you know, it's here we are. And so if here we are, this is the moment to have a rep. And I can choose a rep that serves and supports a positive belief or a negative belief that holds me back. And so I just try to reflect as many moments throughout the day that I have more positive reps. You know, did I have a, I'm speaking in kind of sports lingo, but repetitions, did I really show up? The best I could in every scenario? To support the truth that I want.

• 56:16IN-Q?

  Hmm, I think that's beautifully said.

• 56:19Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 56:19IN-Q?

  You're, you're in the gratitude, Jim.

• 56:21Lewis Howes?

  Oh, yeah.

• 56:22IN-Q?

  And you gotta.

• 56:22Lewis Howes?

  Every day, man.

• 56:23IN-Q?

  Keep lifting.

• 56:24Lewis Howes?

  Every day.

• 56:25IN-Q?

  Yeah.

• 56:26Lewis Howes?

  If I don't, if I don't use it, I'm gonna lose it.

• 56:28IN-Q?

  That's totally true.

• 56:29Lewis Howes?

  And I'm gonna go right back into what I knew for thirty years.

• 56:33IN-Q?

  Yeah. Because the, the worthlessness, Jim, is always open.

• 56:41Lewis Howes?

  It's always open, man, twenty-four seven.

• 56:43IN-Q?

  Yeah.

• 56:44Lewis Howes?

  And it's so easy to be in that gym.

• 56:46IN-Q?

  Yeah.

• 56:46Lewis Howes?

  So easy.

• 56:47IN-Q?

  But it's interesting.

• 56:48Lewis Howes?

  There's a lot of false reward there.

• 56:50IN-Q?

  It, well, it's, it's fast, it's familiar. You know?

• 56:55Lewis Howes?

  It's quick.

• 56:56IN-Q?

  Yeah, it's, you know,

• 56:59IN-Q?

  you, you think short timeline, long timeline, medium term timeline, you know, it's the shortest timeline around, just taking a hit of,

• 57:10IN-Q?

  ah, I don't deserve anything. You know, I'm worthless, ah, I'm a victim, and you just get to wrap yourself up in that. And that, that definitely is probably like my,

• 57:27IN-Q?

  most familiar state.

• 57:30Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 57:31IN-Q?

  Yeah, I mean, I think I've worked my way out of it now, over many years of doing my own reps and having different modalities,

• 57:41IN-Q?

  to help me along the way, to have incremental and accumulative presence. But I can't let that go. It's not like I can just go, well, I won the game, so I don't have to play anymore. No, it's a, it's a never ending game.

• 57:58Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 57:58IN-Q?

  And what an amazing thing it is that I get to play.

• 58:05Lewis Howes?

  Do you think it's possible for an artist to actually live a beautiful, loving life? Or do most artists just struggle in the suffer of like, I'm a artist, so I have to suffer and feel pain, so I can express my art from a painful place?

• 58:22IN-Q?

  I just want to say one thing before I forget and then I'll answer that. I just want to acknowledge you. I want to honor you because I feel like that place of worklessness that you have and continue to work through has brought a lot of value to the world.

• 58:35Lewis Howes?

  Thanks, brother. Appreciate it, man.

• 58:37IN-Q?

  I mean, I, you know, I mean that.

• 58:39Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, thank you.

• 58:40IN-Q?

  You know, to me as a friend, but to many other people because you've been willing to invite us into your heart and into your experience and into your process.

• 58:48Lewis Howes?

  I appreciate it.

• 58:49IN-Q?

  So it's the school of greatness. It's the school of self-worth.

• 58:52Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely, man.

• 58:54IN-Q?

  Yeah.

• 58:54Lewis Howes?

  Positive identity, yeah.

• 58:56IN-Q?

  Yeah. Um, to answer the other question, I think that many times people who go through intense pain or trauma, it kind of wakes them up a little bit early and simultaneously puts them to sleep.

• 59:14Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 59:15IN-Q?

  It's like both things are happening, right? But it shakes their reality and it becomes a catalyst for them to create.

• 59:27IN-Q?

  But then sometimes they think that they need that pain to continue to create. And so they just like go on these self-destructive streaks. One, because it's what they're used to and two, because they feel like, well, that's my fuel. And what I would say to those people or anybody listening to this is what got you here won't get you there. You know, it's great that you're here, but if you want to get somewhere else, you might need to find a different fuel source.

• 59:59Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:00:00IN-Q?

  And there's plenty of things that you can use as fuel. You know, pain, you're always going to have the memory of it. You're always going to have your imagination. You're always going to witness and see pain in the world that you can use to create from, to transmute it into something else. But you don't need to live a life of suffering, you know, in order to have something to talk about, you know, or write about, or act about, or sing about.

• 1:00:32IN-Q?

  And you deserve to be happy too. And you can share that as well.

• 1:00:37Lewis Howes?

  That's beautiful.

• 1:00:38IN-Q?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:39Lewis Howes?

  When you've written, you know, so many poems over thirty years, how many do you think you've written that you've shared with people, either on stage, or in a book, or in a journal, or, you know? How many do you think you've written that you've shared?

• 1:00:54Lewis Howes?

  Hundreds?

• 1:00:55IN-Q?

  Oh, I, I think I'm, I'm past a thousand easy.

• 1:00:58Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 1:00:59IN-Q?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:00Lewis Howes?

  How do you continue to, some people, when they accomplish a certain level of success,

• 1:01:08Lewis Howes?

  they have more confidence, but others, they say, oh, I don't know if I can keep repeating this over and over again. Like, okay, I've, a lot of my best work is out there. Can I keep creating great work? How do you continue to have a, you know, a level mind and heart when you're creating and not think my best work is behind me? Um, and can I recreate this? Or how do you, how do you navigate that?

• 1:01:34IN-Q?

  Well, you can't recreate anything. You have to create.

• 1:01:39IN-Q?

  Don't recreate, create, and don't try to repeat your past success. Just be open. You know, see what's here.

• 1:01:54IN-Q?

  Pay attention. You know, the last poem that I wrote, uh, is like a children's book, and I don't have kids.

• 1:02:05IN-Q?

  You know, so maybe there's, there's something like there, you know, that, that is beneath the surface. But the reason that I wrote it is I had a corporate gig in Mexico. And, um, we were, you know, we had a flight leaving after the gig and we had a little bit of window of time. So we decided to go whale watching. And, uh, we're like out there. First of all, I had done it before, but I had never like paid attention to the process. And you like see these whales and then all of a sudden like all these boats like go chase where the whales are. And it was like aggressive, man. I didn't, I didn't like it.

• 1:02:44Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:45IN-Q?

  So we told the guy like, hey, let's just like move away from these other boats. Cause it felt like all of a sudden it wasn't the ocean. It was like an aquarium or something. I didn't want to be a part of the problem. So we go kind of like deeper out in the ocean. And he gets this, uh, Like machine out technology where like he puts this like cord way down there in in the deep.

• 1:03:10Lewis Howes?

  Yep.

• 1:03:11IN-Q?

  And then it's attached to a speaker and you could hear the whale songs. And it was so beautiful.

• 1:03:18Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 1:03:18IN-Q?

  Listening to them in real time.

• 1:03:20Lewis Howes?

  So it's like an amp, it's like a microphone for whales.

• 1:03:23IN-Q?

  Exactly.

• 1:03:23Lewis Howes?

  And you hear the speaker in the boat.

• 1:03:25IN-Q?

  Exactly.

• 1:03:26Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 1:03:27IN-Q?

  And let me tell you.

• 1:03:28Lewis Howes?

  That's pretty cool.

• 1:03:29IN-Q?

  There's a lot going on down there. A lot. And they're not just saying, I'm here, I'm here, I'm here. They're saying some stuff you could just.

• 1:03:38Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 1:03:39IN-Q?

  You can feel it, right? As you're listening. And so as I left, I'm on the plane going back and I just had this thought of like, you know, sometimes I like whales like to go human watching. Like I, so I started like writing this poem about these whales that would sneak out of the ocean in the middle of the night. And like go human while they sneak into our houses while we're asleep and start looking through our stuff and blah, blah, blah. Like if I had thought, do I want to write a poem next? What is my poem gonna be? And I want to make this, you know, incredible thing that's gonna change the world. I wouldn't have just like been like, ah, this is like an interesting idea.

• 1:04:25IN-Q?

  And then I finished it and I was like, this is really cool. Maybe this could be a children's book.

• 1:04:29Lewis Howes?

  Oh, that's cool.

• 1:04:30IN-Q?

  And so I think you just have to like.

• 1:04:32Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 1:04:33IN-Q?

  Keep trusting your internal compass. And move in the direction of your true north.

• 1:04:42Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely. Uh, speaking of true north, a lot of people don't know what theirs is. And they struggle trying to figure out their purpose, their path, their passion, their self-worth, if they have any, how much they have. They try to understand their insecurities, their pains, the people that are closest to them that have hurt them. They try to understand all these things. I know I'm one of those people. Uh, you created a journal called the Never Ending Now Poetry Journal.

• 1:05:18Lewis Howes?

  And it's got a lot of different prompts. It's got poems and then prompts for people to go through their own process of self-discovery.

• 1:05:26Lewis Howes?

  Why is this such an interesting project for you? And how can it support and serve people in figuring out their true north?

• 1:05:36IN-Q?

  Well, people don't often use creativity as that modality for better mental and emotional health or stress release because they leave it to professionals. And we become adults, we find things that we're good at, find things we get paid for, find things that we get validated for, and we stop being a student. Creativity is about play, no matter what you're exploring. So this is an opportunity to explore the stories inside of you. You do not have to be a poet to get the poetry journal and to take the journey of healing.

• 1:06:15IN-Q?

  You just have to be a person that's willing to risk and try something that you would never normally try as a way to become more present and peaceful in your life. And there's a conceptual through line to this journal that takes people through growth and fear and sadness and ultimately it leaves them an empowerment and infinite possibility. Because I always want to leave my audience where I want to leave myself, which is in a place of hope.

• 1:06:49Lewis Howes?

  And so people can either read your poems or listen to the poems and then they follow through with a prompt, is that correct?

• 1:06:55IN-Q?

  Yeah. So the album is forty minutes and it's like an audio movie. You're just supposed to like take a long walk or a drive and listen to it.

• 1:07:04Lewis Howes?

  The whole thing.

• 1:07:04IN-Q?

  One experience.

• 1:07:05Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:06IN-Q?

  And then the journal helps you go deeper. And you can buy the journal and take that journey without listening to the album. You can listen to the album without taking the journey of the journal. But they're both accompanying pieces of art that can help you have an experience that's separate but connected.

• 1:07:27Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, and you talk about how this journal flows. First, the experience you read or you listen to the poetry, the art, then you create using the prompts based on what you read or listened to. And then you say, activate it, which is move the poem from your page into your life via sharing, performance, memorization, or visualization. Why is that an important element for people to alchemize their thoughts or pain into peace and hope?

• 1:07:54IN-Q?

  So, the journal is basically like a culmination of the 25 years of poetry workshops that I've done. And one of the many things that I learned along those very strange poetry workshops over the years, from starting out in libraries and juvenile facilities and upward bound and junior highs and high schools to then the biggest corporations around, is that people are people, and people actually want to express themselves. They're dying to express themselves, and they're dying to see and be seen. But they don't feel like they have a safe container to do it. So,

• 1:08:36IN-Q?

  I would just basically say, hey, I'm gonna start off by saying something vulnerable. I'm gonna share a poem, because if I'm asking you to be vulnerable, and I'm not doing it first, it's almost irresponsible. And then I give people prompts, and I say, what is it that this can make you reflect on in your own life that you wouldn't normally share about after 15 minutes at a dinner party with some random person? Like, choose the thing that's a layer deeper. Because if you do, the poem starts to flow. And then I give people time to write, and then they come back, and then I get people on stage, and they share the poems, sometimes

• 1:09:20IN-Q?

  for the first time ever, standing on stage, doing any form of art, and we hold the container of everybody being supportive, loving, caring, passionate, compassionate, and celebrating that person for the strength that it takes to share with a room full of strangers and to be courageous, and to overexaggerate that support. So, everybody's like standing on a chair and yelling and screaming, and the person feels like a rock star. And then everybody pairs off. Because you're not going to get everybody on stage. But as long as everyone has an opportunity to read it to at least one person and to be witnessed.

• 1:09:59IN-Q?

  What happens is you get the poem outside of you, the story that's trapped inside of you, outside of you. So it's separate and you can see it. And then you share it with somebody and that person accepts you. And there is a feeling of alchemy that happens. Where you then move into your life and you're like, you know what? I feel a little more here.

• 1:10:23Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, I can handle things a little better.

• 1:10:25IN-Q?

  Yeah, I mean, look, there's no magic pill. I'm not selling anything to anybody. But this has been my experience.

• 1:10:33Lewis Howes?

  Wow, man.

• 1:10:34IN-Q?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:35Lewis Howes?

  You've been working on this for about a year and a half.

• 1:10:37IN-Q?

  Yeah.

• 1:10:38Lewis Howes?

  I mean, the, the album was like a year and a half, a year ago when I heard it, I think, right? The rough, like the first rough, raw cut. But it's evolved since then?

• 1:10:49IN-Q?

  Not really.

• 1:10:50Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 1:10:50IN-Q?

  You know what happened, bro, is I.

• 1:10:52Lewis Howes?

  You tried to produce it and you're like, that doesn't feel real.

• 1:10:54IN-Q?

  I paid a dude a bunch of money to master it.

• 1:10:57Lewis Howes?

  And you're like, nah.

• 1:10:58IN-Q?

  You know, and.

• 1:10:59Lewis Howes?

  It's not real.

• 1:11:00IN-Q?

  I was like, it was like the better it got, the worse it got.

• 1:11:03Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 1:11:04IN-Q?

  So I just said, let me just like, I said, what is the least amount you can possibly do? And then do a little bit less.

• 1:11:11Lewis Howes?

  It is.

• 1:11:11IN-Q?

  And that's what I went with.

• 1:11:12Lewis Howes?

  That's what you went with?

• 1:11:13IN-Q?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:14Lewis Howes?

  This still has like the conversation with your wife and everything like that. Wow, that's pretty cool. It's pretty, it's very authentic, it's very raw, very real. It's kind of like you get to see in queue like in his kitchen, having a conversation with your wife about life.

• 1:11:28IN-Q?

  Yeah.

• 1:11:29Lewis Howes?

  Kind of like that a little bit, well, there's parts of that.

• 1:11:32IN-Q?

  I had taken this medicine journey basically and um. I was in this very deep conversation with Adriana in our car. And halfway through the conversation, she was like.

• 1:11:47IN-Q?

  I think I want to record this. She just like took out her phone and started recording it.

• 1:11:51Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:11:52IN-Q?

  And we were talking about all these frozen ages and the experience of the journey and what it brought up for me. And we were so deep in the convo that it just didn't change. How I was talking. It wasn't like I was thinking anyone was ever going to hear this. I was just talking to my best friend, to my ride or die. And I was sharing things that I never would have chosen to share had I been thinking other people would have been watching later.

• 1:12:22Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 1:12:23IN-Q?

  And um, and then afterwards, I listened to it a couple of days after she sent it to me and. And I thought, huh, this kind of connects to this other project that I had been doing with this incredible pianist from Italy. Isabella Terso. Shout out to Isabella. Um, and I thought, what if I just kind of like put this as the through line?

• 1:12:45Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:12:46IN-Q?

  And then the album started to make sense.

• 1:12:47Lewis Howes?

  It's pretty cool, man. Yeah, I'm excited. I'm excited to listen to it again. I want people to get the, uh, the journal, the Never Ending Now Poetry Journal. I don't care if you're, you know, making a ton of money and you feel super successful and happy. There's something in your life that you got to process still. And I don't care if you're, if you're stuck and struggling and, you know, life is really not going your way. This is the perfect journal to help you find your north star. With whatever you need to hear or realize in your life right now. And I'm assuming this would be a journal that you can reflect on for years to come as well. So I don't think I've ever seen a journal like this that has. A raw. Personal experience from someone else, poetry from their life experience.

• 1:13:31Lewis Howes?

  That you can take in and feel like, oh, someone else is opening up and being vulnerable in their diary, essentially. Now let me have these prompts from, in my opinion, the top spoken word artist in the world, who's done 25 years of poetry workshops. Now let me go through the poetry prompts for my own self-reflection and healing journey, and awareness journey. And then sit on it and look back at it later and reflect on it and then maybe share it with a friend. One of these prompts, maybe not, you know, maybe perform it, maybe not, but at least you have it for yourself. So I want people to get the, uh, the journal, the Never Ending Now Poetry Journal by NQ. Where can they get the journal?

• 1:14:14Lewis Howes?

  And, uh, is there like a QR code in here for the music also? Where they can, or the album, I mean?

• 1:14:20IN-Q?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:20Lewis Howes?

  So they can go and they can just click and listen to it. It'll open up right on, online to, to listen to the album.

• 1:14:26IN-Q?

  Exactly.

• 1:14:27Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:14:27IN-Q?

  Yeah, it'll open up to Spotify or, or Apple. I think it takes to a, kind of like a landing page on my website.

• 1:14:34Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:14:35IN-Q?

  And then they can buy the journal at Passion Planner. Um, it'll be on Amazon and, you know, uh, you can get it on my website at iandq.com as well.

• 1:14:45Lewis Howes?

  There you go, man. How else can we be of service to you? With this project or your life?

• 1:14:51IN-Q?

  You've done it, man. You know what I was thinking though, on the drive over too, is, um, if we do another thing at School of Greatness, like the Summit of Greatness. I want to do a workshop for everybody.

• 1:15:05Lewis Howes?

  That'd be fun.

• 1:15:06IN-Q?

  Like even if it's like, uh, a bit of a shorter one.

• 1:15:09Lewis Howes?

  Uh huh.

• 1:15:10IN-Q?

  I would want to do the exact thing that I described with the thousand.

• 1:15:14Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 1:15:15IN-Q?

  Fifteen hundred people that are there.

• 1:15:16Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 1:15:17IN-Q?

  Um, because I think it would be a really, really great way to bond everybody moving into the rest of the summit.

• 1:15:22Lewis Howes?

  That's interesting.

• 1:15:23IN-Q?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:24Lewis Howes?

  How long would that take? You have to figure that out.

• 1:15:28IN-Q?

  Negotiate it.

• 1:15:28Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, we have to figure that out.

• 1:15:30IN-Q?

  Yeah, no, I think, uh, it'll, it'll take. I don't know, usually.

• 1:15:34Lewis Howes?

  It's a short workshop. How long is that?

• 1:15:36IN-Q?

  I think I could do it in an hour.

• 1:15:38Lewis Howes?

  Okay, yeah, we'll see. We'll talk about that. That would be interesting. We're doing it in L A this year.

• 1:15:42IN-Q?

  That's what I heard.

• 1:15:43Lewis Howes?

  The Shrine Auditorium.

• 1:15:44IN-Q?

  So awesome, dude.

• 1:15:45Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, it's like a 6,000 person arena.

• 1:15:46IN-Q?

  I've performed there before.

• 1:15:47Lewis Howes?

  You have?

• 1:15:48IN-Q?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:48Lewis Howes?

  Is it incredible?

• 1:15:49IN-Q?

  It's awesome.

• 1:15:50Lewis Howes?

  Wow, okay. We're gonna go see it tomorrow, actually, to take a look at it.

• 1:15:53IN-Q?

  It's a beautiful theater.

• 1:15:54Lewis Howes?

  It is beautiful, right? Yeah.

• 1:15:55IN-Q?

  And I'm so proud that you continue to to grow the way.

• 1:15:58Lewis Howes?

  It's evolved, man, you know? You gotta go for it. You gotta go for it.

• 1:16:02IN-Q?

  Because what else are you gonna do?

• 1:16:04Lewis Howes?

  We're here.

• 1:16:05IN-Q?

  Not go for it?

• 1:16:06Lewis Howes?

  Exactly. If it fails, then okay, maybe you don't go for it the same way. You go for something else, but if something's in your heart, I feel like you gotta give it a shot. You gotta go for it, so.

• 1:16:18Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, man, this has been, uh, this has been really cool. I'm curious.

• 1:16:23Lewis Howes?

  You know, the world, I can, I just think back to my own childhood of like sadness and suffering that I experienced in different scenarios. I also had a lot of happy moments, joyful moments, so it's not like my, my life is miserable, but I think we remember a lot of the painful ones when they're that pain, more than the joyful ones, for whatever reason. They just like stand out, maybe for survival or whatever it might be.

• 1:16:46Lewis Howes?

  But I, as an adult, and I remember when I was a freshman in college, was when 9/11 happened. And I remember like, oh, there's like real stuff happening in the world outside of my world.

• 1:16:59IN-Q?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:59Lewis Howes?

  Right? It was like, okay, friends are making fun of me, or not friends, but like school kids are making fun of me. I feel neglected. I feel alone. I feel sad. I feel stupid. It was like my world growing up of sadness, right? But then when I hit 18, 9/11 hit, and I remember being like, oh, there's real in the world.

• 1:17:19IN-Q?

  Yes, sir.

• 1:17:19Lewis Howes?

  Beyond my world. Like, my world is nothing compared to what people go through, right? Bombs and wars and killing and rape and all these different things. And I remember at 18 being like, oh, there's a world out there that is suffering. And it seems like since that moment, 9/11, you know, every year, every two years, there's more suffering in big ways. Obviously, a lot of small suffering, but big suffering. And, you know, the last four years, there's a lot of suffering in multiple different ways. And I assume it's just gonna keep happening in the world, unfortunately. It's just kind of where we're at. And I choose to have hope and put love in my heart and try to impact the world around me.

• 1:18:03IN-Q?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:04Lewis Howes?

  But, you know, I can't stop every war and every argument and every bad thing that happens in the world.

• 1:18:12Lewis Howes?

  In your mind, to close, what is the poem that the world needs to hear? Because there is so much pain and suffering. There is a lot happening right now. And I'm assuming there will be more that happens at the end of this year. What do you think, if you could only share one poem with the world? That the world needs to hear? What would that be to close us out?

• 1:18:38IN-Q?

  Well, that was a lot you just shared and I appreciate you sharing it. Because this project is very personal. But there's a lot of real universal things going on.

• 1:18:55IN-Q?

  I don't know how to fix those things either. You know, a lot of my work, not on this particular project, but in general, is social. It is political. It is about humanity and

• 1:19:14IN-Q?

  and yet it goes back to that kind of like thing you shared about problems is sometimes I've wondered, am I just like creating more friction for more fire?

• 1:19:25IN-Q?

  So the only thing that I do know is that like we're all storytellers. And stories that we tell ourselves and other people become our lives. So change your story, change your life. And if you change your life, you change the world.

• 1:19:41IN-Q?

  So I'll do this piece and it's called,

• 1:19:46IN-Q?

  I'm Proud of You. Because

• 1:19:51IN-Q?

  it starts inside out.

• 1:19:57IN-Q?

  I don't need to know you to be proud of you.

• 1:20:01IN-Q?

  I'm proud of you.

• 1:20:04IN-Q?

  For all you've done and all you do. Because you're trying to become a better version of you and I'm proud of you.

• 1:20:16IN-Q?

  I hope this poem will empower you.

• 1:20:20IN-Q?

  I hope that you'll remember it the next time someone's doubting you.

• 1:20:25IN-Q?

  I hope that you'll remember it the next time them is you.

• 1:20:30IN-Q?

  And you're doubting yourself because you have nothing else to do. Pull the voice inside aside, you're on their side. Look them in the eyes and say, who are you to talk to you that way?

• 1:20:44IN-Q?

  You wouldn't let another person talk to you that way. So what makes you think just because it's you, it's okay? You probably never talked to another person that way. You'd either walk away or defend yourself if you stayed. But since you're the other person in this particular case and you can't leave yourself, you have to learn to hold space. So say, I'm proud of you. Even if it feels like it's pretend.

• 1:21:11IN-Q?

  Try talking to yourself like you're your own best friend. Try talking to yourself like the relationship could end and the words you choose have consequence. Don't take yourself for granted just because you're always there. Celebrate yourself for always being there, always being here. Compliment the mirror. Let's be clear, self-help is self-care.

• 1:21:40IN-Q?

  Are you aware that your awareness and your ego are completely different things? Are you scared of the dichotomy constructing everything? Are you prepared to share the inner space without defining things? Are you attached to the illusion and the lullaby it sings? Are you distracted by the story even if it isn't true? Because if you are, you're not alone. It happens to me too. And still, I'm proud to be proud of you.

• 1:22:07IN-Q?

  Yeah, you. The infinite you.

• 1:22:13IN-Q?

  The nonspecific you. The specifically terrific you. The universal you. The perfectly imperfect you. Look at you, you eternal you. You raced against at least a hundred million sperm before becoming you and you and you. The one and only life will make. We have some nerve to walk around like we're some sort of mistake. We deserve to walk around like we're designed to take up space. Like we're aligned from the core inside the earth to outer space. We are all miracles without a molecule to waste.

• 1:22:56IN-Q?

  You're a physical expression of fate and I relate. You're a mystical expression of fate and I relate. You're a musical, magical, beautiful, powerful individual. That's why I'm extra proud of you even when you get cynical.

• 1:23:17IN-Q?

  Remember that when times are tough. Close your eyes and hear my voice. You're a million times enough.

• 1:23:28IN-Q?

  Close your eyes and hear your voice until it's something you can trust. You're a million times enough. You're a million times enough. You're a million times enough. You're a million times.

• 1:23:50IN-Q?

  You are the sum of all of your experiences. You are the sum of none of your experiences.

• 1:24:00IN-Q?

  You're only you because they doubted you.

• 1:24:04IN-Q?

  You're alive.

• 1:24:07IN-Q?

  And I'm proud of you.

• 1:24:12Lewis Howes?

  Wow, man.

• 1:24:16Lewis Howes?

  Um, I've got a final question for you. I've asked you your definition of greatness the last time you're on here. So I'll have people will link that up so people can go see that. Uh, before I ask the final question, I want to acknowledge you, Adam, for using your gift. I think a lot of people have talents and gifts that they are afraid to share and use. And you continue to use them for the betterment of the world. So I appreciate you. Uh, I acknowledge you for just, you know, the man you continue to become over the last decade of knowing you and how you keep stepping into the greater version of you. And how I just love how you've learned to accept yourself more fully

• 1:25:00Lewis Howes?

  as well in every season of life. So I acknowledge you for that, man. It's beautiful to watch. Thank you, bro. And I think you become a better artist the more you love yourself. So I'm grateful for you, grateful for your friendship. And I'm grateful for this piece of art that we can have access to and use for our own life. And I hope everyone gets this and listens to the album because it's powerful, very powerful. Thank you, bro. I love you, man. Love you too, man. Um, this question just came to me. I've asked you a question before called the three truths. You may not remember it. But I'm going to ask it in a different way. So I'd like you to imagine hypothetically, you get to live as long as you want. And you get to continue to live the life that you want to live and all your dreams come true.

• 1:25:44Lewis Howes?

  You have the children, the family, the art, the career, all of it. Friends. Keep going. All of it. Yeah, it all comes. The financial abundance, all of it, right? It all comes. Uh, and you write a million poems or however many you want to write. You do all the projects you want to do. And you get to live to be a hundred and something, but it's the last day. And you've lived a beautiful life. And, uh, for whatever reason, you got to take all of your work with you. All of your poetry, we don't have access to. Written form, video form, book form, it's gone. AI form, whatever it is, we don't have access to your talent or gifts anymore. Your poetry, your words.

• 1:26:25Lewis Howes?

  But on the last day, you get to leave behind three truths.

• 1:26:32Lewis Howes?

  But only your kids would get to have access to them.

• 1:26:38Lewis Howes?

  Three lessons. And on that last day, what would you share with your kids? Those three truths are three lessons.

• 1:26:46Lewis Howes?

  It could be moments from a poem. It could just be random off the top of your mind right now.

• 1:26:52IN-Q?

  Well, the only thing that's coming to me is the joke. It's like, thank you. I love you.

• 1:26:56Lewis Howes?

  You're welcome.

• 1:26:58IN-Q?

  Welcome. But that's the joke.

• 1:27:01Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:27:05IN-Q?

  You're not your worst day.

• 1:27:14IN-Q?

  That's probably one.

• 1:27:18IN-Q?

  Two.

• 1:27:25IN-Q?

  The most important thing is

• 1:27:31IN-Q?

  how you've loved

• 1:27:34IN-Q?

  and the memories that you've made.

• 1:27:40IN-Q?

  And then

• 1:27:42IN-Q?

  I don't know if this is like the one, and I don't know if those other two are the ones either. But the thing that just came to me is like,

• 1:27:52IN-Q?

  you know, the real value of a person is how they treat people that can't like help them on their legend journey.

• 1:28:03IN-Q?

  You know, so just treat people how you want to be treated. Not for any other reason than that.

• 1:28:12IN-Q?

  Like, just.

• 1:28:14IN-Q?

  Do your best to meet everybody in the middle.

• 1:28:19IN-Q?

  And try to be compassionate and kind. Yeah. Thank you. Appreciate you, brother. Love you, man. Love you, bro. Thanks, man.

• 1:28:27Lewis Howes?

  I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally, as well as ad-free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel exclusively on Apple Podcasts. Share this with a friend on social media and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts as well. Let me know what you enjoyed about this episode in that review. I really love hearing feedback from you and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward. And I want to remind you, if no one has told you lately, that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.