Unlock Inner PEACE & Master Your Thoughts | Yung Pueblo

Diego Perez is a meditator and #1 New York Times bestselling author who is widely known on social media through his pen name, Yung Pueblo. Online he has an audience of over 3 million people. He has sold over 1 million books worldwide that have been translated into over 25 languages. His writing focuses on the power of self-healing, creating healthy relationships, and the wisdom that comes when we truly work on knowing ourselves. Diego's fourth book, The Way Forward, will be released on October 10th, 2023. In this episode you will learn,The power of meditation and how it is the most powerful tool to master your emotions and inner dialogueHealing past trauma and the importance of accepting and releasing painful past memories rather than trying to erase themHow real transformation happens in the present moment, and when to recognize these momentsYung Pueblo shares how meditation and healing work improved his relationship with his now-wife. He emphasizes the need for both individuals in a relationship to engage in self-awareness and healing to reduce friction. Why genuine self-love and kindness towards oneself are absolutely essential to reaching your full potentialBuy his book, The Way ForwardFor more information go to www.lewishowes.com/1512For more Greatness text PODCAST to +1 (614) 350-3960Want more episodes like this one? Control Your Mind – https://link.chtbl.com/1413-podBreak Free From Addiction – https://link.chtbl.com/1309-podAttract Financial Abundance – https://link.chtbl.com/1288-podBecome Limitless – https://link.chtbl.com/1256-pod Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Lewis Howes?

  My friend, I am such a big believer that your mindset is everything. It can really dictate if your life has meaning, has value, and you feel fulfilled, or if you feel exhausted, drained, and like you're never going to be enough. Our brand new book, The Greatness Mindset, just hit the New York Times Bestseller back-to-back weeks, and I'm so excited to hear from so many of you who've bought the book, who've read it and finished it already, and are getting incredible results from the lessons in the book. If you haven't got a copy yet, you'll learn how to build a plan for greatness through powerful exercises and toolkits designed to propel your life forward. This is the book I wish I had when I was 20, struggling, trying to figure out life. 10 years ago, at 30, trying to figure out transitions in my life, and a book I'm glad

• 0:46Lewis Howes?

  I have today for myself. Make sure to get a copy at lewishouse.com/2023mindset to get your copy today. Again, lewishouse.com/2023mindset to get a copy today. Also, the book is on Audible now, so you can get it on audiobook as well. And don't forget to follow the show so you never miss an episode.

• 1:10Speaker 01

  I just started very actively avoiding my emotions and wanting to double down on the fact that there was nothing wrong. That took me to the end point where I almost lost my life. I was on the ground for like two hours. I felt like my heart was going to explode. In that moment, I knew if I keep doing this, like I'm going to die.

• 1:28Lewis Howes?

  Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 1:51Lewis Howes?

  I wanted to ask you if you would read one of your short poems real quick in The Way Forward, this book that you have out.

• 1:58Speaker 01

  I think it's the first one.

• 2:00Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 2:02Speaker 01

  There are times when all you can do is survive. Moments when growing doesn't even seem like an option. And healing feels hundreds of miles away. The trauma and old hurt can weigh so heavily that all you can do is try to stay afloat. To endure another day. If existing takes every ounce of your energy, then that alone is heroic work.

• 2:28Lewis Howes?

  When it seems like a lot of people are just trying to survive and exist.

• 2:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:33Lewis Howes?

  Right now. Especially in social media culture. And when people see everyone else seeming to have great, perfect lives, but they don't have it.

• 2:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 2:41Lewis Howes?

  It feels like they're just existing or surviving.

• 2:46Lewis Howes?

  How can we know when we're in a survival or existing mode? And what are some steps we can do to get beyond that? Even though it's a heroic thing to survive and exist.

• 2:58Speaker 01

  Totally.

• 2:59Lewis Howes?

  But most people don't want to stay there. What can we start to do?

• 3:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 3:02Lewis Howes?

  That can help us.

• 3:03Speaker 01

  I think the first thing is, one, you need to give yourself credit. Like, if you're here, you're doing as best as you can. You're living to your maximum capacity, which for different people, it's a very different state. Like, some of us can, you know, run multiple businesses or, you know, do all these different activities and, you know, get as much possible done in a day. But then others of us have incurred so much trauma, so much heaviness, that all we can do is get through the day. Right? So to me, both situations are powerful. So that's something that should definitely be acknowledged. And I think you can realize when you're in a survival state, when you're living from a reactive perspective. Right? When things are sort of happening

• 3:46Speaker 01

  and the reactions are coming up so quickly and everything that you're perceiving immediately reminds you of a past situation and you're assessing the present moment through the lens of the past constantly. And that's when you can really kind of tell, okay, I'm living from a survival perspective. And the way to get out of that is... It's tough. You have to be able to be with your emotions. You have to be able to turn that lens inward and literally just challenge yourself to be with what's coming up. And I think sometimes people can do that as is, like naturally, or they need different modalities to be able to help them engage with those emotions. But if you can't face what's inside of you, then you're just gonna keep repeating what's inside of you over and over again.

• 4:28Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, you're gonna keep reacting as opposed to responding.

• 4:31Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 4:31Lewis Howes?

  You have a poem in here, I'm trying to find it right now. "Trauma reacts, intention responds." "The intensity of your reaction reveals how much of the past you were holding on to." There's another saying, I'm not sure who said this originally, that if someone is hysterical,

• 4:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:52Lewis Howes?

  it's historical.

• 4:53Speaker 01

  Oh, that's fantastic.

• 4:54Lewis Howes?

  If they're reacting out of hysteria, there's history to that reaction. There's a trigger, a wound that has still not been healed. And so that's why there is this over the top reaction.

• 5:06Speaker 01

  I'm glad you're pointing that out because it's important to realize that throughout human history, especially recorded human history, human beings, when they take the time to look inward, to reflect on what's happening in their mind and in their emotions and in their body, they come out with similar wisdom, right? So when we're writing our perspectives today, like, most things about love have already been written. But your perspective on love is quite unique. Like how you've experienced it, how you've felt it, how you've sort of experienced these emotions through your daily life. And that's why I think a lot of people who feel like, "Oh, I don't know if I should write," or "I don't know, you know, everything's been said." It's like, no. A ton of things have been said, but never from your perspective.

• 5:51Speaker 01

  So that's why it's so valuable to still put your story out there and put something that could potentially help tons of people.

• 5:57Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, there's probably millions of poetry style books in the world. And you could have said, "Oh, it's already been out there." Things that I'm saying are already been out there.

• 6:06Speaker 01

  Right.

• 6:06Lewis Howes?

  But not from your perspective.

• 6:08Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 6:08Lewis Howes?

  Not from your unique experience.

• 6:10Speaker 01

  And that's the value that you're giving to the world. Right.

• 6:13Lewis Howes?

  I love that. Yeah, Trauma reacts, intention responds. Did you feel like you were reactive in a lot of part of your life?

• 6:20Speaker 01

  Oh, absolutely.

• 6:21Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 6:22Speaker 01

  Absolutely. I think it happens, like, the mind moves so fast. The mind is so quickly cognizing, perceiving, evaluating, and, you know, you'll feel that in your sensations, you'll react to those sensations, and it's happening at lightning speed. And it can feel like you have no choice. But that's the beauty of this moment that we live in today, where there are this astounding number of modalities that have, you know, grown from eastern roots, western roots, but many of them have become quite global, that can actually help you start reframing your minds. Like, you know, for me, when I started meditating, I was like, oh, my gosh,

• 7:05Speaker 01

  like, I've been living this extremely reactive life my whole time, like, the whole, my whole time. But I was fortunate to enter this mental gym, you know, because that's what I think of as meditation. Meditation is literally like you're putting yourself into a mental gym. You have these qualities, right, muscles of awareness, non-reactiveness, compassion, but they're super weak. You've never put time into making them stronger. And the same way you need to, like, work out your core and work out your biceps or whatever it is, you need to work out your mind. Or else these important qualities that can make your life better, easier, happier, make you more skillful, they won't be well-developed.

• 7:42Lewis Howes?

  And I think some of the most influential people in the world have a level of emotional awareness and emotional maturity or flexibility. And it's hard to have that if you don't master your thoughts as well. It's almost like you have to do two things in the gym, master your emotions and your thinking.

• 7:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:00Lewis Howes?

  And figure out ways to perceive things differently. Because we could both watch something happen in an environment around us, and I could have a big reaction and you could have a calm reaction.

• 8:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:16Lewis Howes?

  And it's in our interpretation of the event of the thing that happened.

• 8:20Speaker 01

  Right.

• 8:21Lewis Howes?

  Which is our thinking and our perspective. And it's in our emotional maturity, or flexibility, or lack thereof, on why we react so quickly.

• 8:30Speaker 01

  Right, so you can ask yourself, like, what is perception, right? Perception is memory plus evaluation. And you will literally look at something and you'll be assessing it not only with your past emotional history, sort of like the major points of tension that have occurred throughout your history, but also through that current emotion. So not only if like you had a heavy past, but if you woke up feeling like crap that day, then whatever you're perceiving is gonna be tilted towards the negative.

• 8:59Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 8:59Speaker 01

  And if you're not aware of that, then you're constantly gonna be sort of like coloring the world in a particular way, as opposed to learning how to observe reality objectively, right? To be able to observe a person, a situation, or to even be able to listen without projecting anything onto it, to just receive it. Like, that's a skill that's quite difficult, but it's worth cultivating.

• 9:23Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. What do you say, the perception is around memory and something else?

• 9:26Speaker 01

  In evaluation.

• 9:27Lewis Howes?

  In evaluation. How can we learn, you know, our brains are an artifact of our past, right? They store memories. How can we learn to reframe painful past memories into actually benefiting us for our present and our future?

• 9:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's a beautiful question. I think it's tough, like, one thing is you have to accept that you're just not gonna erase the memory, right? The memory's gonna be there, especially if it was a sharp one that was, you know, became quite vivid and vibrant in your mind. But what you can do is release the tension that's around that memory. So if that memory in particular comes up and it makes your body feel so tight and tense and heavy, you know, there are modalities that you can learn, like, you know, we were talking earlier, talking about therapy and how much value that you've gotten from therapy. And, you know, I've gotten so much value from meditation, but these, in both, you get. Toolkits, right? Toolkits that can help you like, okay, what do I do in this moment of difficulty? What do I do when this tension is arising?

• 10:29Speaker 01

  Every time you practice and accept an emotion in the present moment, you're actually healing your relationship to the past.

• 10:36Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 10:37Speaker 01

  Because if you're trying to heal the past, you're not going to go back there to fix it. You're not going to do anything. All that stuff is emerging repeatedly in your present. So if you can be with what arises with a new sort of peace and acceptance, then the past kind of loses that heavy tension that it carries.

• 10:56Lewis Howes?

  So is it a lack of acceptance of our past which that keeps it hurting us in our present?

• 11:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, but I think, but the magic happens in the present moment. Like in the present, you set up a beautiful future and you release the tension of the past.

• 11:10Lewis Howes?

  How do you do that?

• 11:12Speaker 01

  I do it by sitting, meditating twice a day. One in the morning, one hour in the morning, one hour in the evening.

• 11:18Lewis Howes?

  Two hours a day?

• 11:19Speaker 01

  Two hours a day. I've been doing that for about, I think, eight years. Yeah.

• 11:22Lewis Howes?

  Oh, my goodness.

• 11:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:24Lewis Howes?

  What was your life like before two hours a day of meditation? And what is it like now, eight years later?

• 11:29Speaker 01

  It was a hot mess.

• 11:30Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 11:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, I was, um, so the backstory is that I was born in Guayaquil, Ecuador, right? So I was born in South America. My mom and dad, they realized that they needed to try to find a better situation for us, right? So they decided to roll the dice and come to the United States. And for the chance, right? I'm not talking, there's no certainty when you come to the United States.

• 11:55Lewis Howes?

  Zero certainty.

• 11:55Speaker 01

  For the chance at a better sort of economic, social situation. And we moved to Boston when I was four years old. The difficulty of that was that not only were we away from like all my aunts and uncles and all of my, you know, I have like 40 plus cousins, but we were in this, like stuck in the mud of American poverty. Like it was so, you know, that time period was so difficult. I think difficult for myself and my brother. My little sister was born a little later, but especially difficult for my mother and father because. They were navigating a new world and they were trying to figure out how to pay the rent. Every single month, like constantly, you know, I would hear them arguing about money,

• 12:40Speaker 01

  trying to figure out and trying to figure out just how to make ends meet. And I would experience that sort of like, you know, watching them and being worried about them, but also like, you know, not feeling always full, like, you know, being hungry sometimes and trying to make sense of this new reality that we were in. But seeing all of that, I think, imprinted a lot of sort of anxiety in me because there was so much scarcity when I was growing up. And also a lot of sadness to be able to, you know, to watch them fight. And it's funny now, like now I can see that they genuinely love each other and that their problem is actually structural. Like they didn't have anyone else to share their stress with because it was just the two of them as adults.

• 13:20Lewis Howes?

  It's become dumping on each other every day.

• 13:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, they didn't know what else to do. And now that their money problem isn't there like how it was before, they're chilling.

• 13:29Lewis Howes?

  Really? They love each other.

• 13:31Speaker 01

  They're happier.

• 13:33Lewis Howes?

  Wow, so when they moved here, were they both working like two or three jobs? Not getting much sleep?

• 13:38Speaker 01

  They were both working. They each had one really hard job. My mom cleaned houses and my dad worked at a supermarket. And they were working a lot. And it was just, you know, it was a classic American poverty trap. It was, you know, this is where you work and hopefully the next generation figures it out. And we were fortunate enough, you know, my brother and I and my sister, we all went to school. You know, we have jobs and now as a family unit, we take care of each other.

• 14:04Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 14:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:05Lewis Howes?

  So for what 15 years, they're kind of stuck in that same economic state? While you guys are just kind of growing up and going to school until you go to college and get a job.

• 14:14Speaker 01

  Exactly, exactly. So when my brother got into his early twenties, that was like the first big major shift. Like, I mean, I remember when I was 14. I was like, uh, that's when cell phones were like first really coming out. And I told my mom and dad, I was like, my mom, I was like, hey, I really want a cellphone. And my mom looked at me and she was like, you're gonna have to figure it out on your own. You know, there's no, there's no way that I can help you with that. And then I was like, whoa, like it just like hit me. And then I went out, I got a job painting porches at the local church. And then I found, I ended up finding another job, working at a nonprofit and started making my own money. You know, I was like a 14, 15 year old, got my own cellphone and all of that. And, you know, was able to also like help my parents occasionally.

• 14:58Speaker 01

  And, and it was interesting, just like, I think in some ways that was really difficult, but I was also glad to be introduced into my own power at such an early age.

• 15:07Lewis Howes?

  Right. So it's like, okay, we can't give this to you. So you've got to figure it out on your own. You gotta, if you want something, you gotta go work for it. You gotta be mindful of your money. You gotta be intentional about what things you are really meaningful for you to have, as opposed to wasting it on things that don't matter.

• 15:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:20Lewis Howes?

  So you probably valued money in a certain way because you were working at 14, 15, 16.

• 15:25Speaker 01

  Totally. I remember vividly the mad dash of trying to pay my, my phone bill. Like I had a Nextel back then, like for my I-90. You know, it's like, how am I gonna pay this every month? And I, I figured it out because I had no other option.

• 15:36Lewis Howes?

  You had to, right? Yeah. Man, 14. I would think I was 17 when I got my first cellphone. But, um, even then I remember being like, oh, this is a big deal to like have a cellphone in high school. You know?

• 15:46Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 15:46Lewis Howes?

  That's crazy. So essentially they were probably, your parents were probably thinking, unless it's food or clothes that they really need, we can't afford anything else.

• 15:55Speaker 01

  Yeah. No extracurricular, nothing special, no vacations. Like, you know, it was literally like the family was in an, in an economic survival mode. Like just what's most important and what's possible. Yeah.

• 16:08Lewis Howes?

  So in your, you know, early, mid and late twenties, what were you doing before you got into serving people with poetry?

• 16:17Speaker 01

  Uh, so.

• 16:19Speaker 01

  My, so I went to Wesleyan University in Connecticut. And while I was there, like I was incredibly happy to go there because I got a great education. But simultaneously, I was dealing with my own sort of inner sorrow, right?

• 16:30Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 16:31Speaker 01

  I-

• 16:32Lewis Howes?

  Because this is a private school. It's expensive. You must have gotten either scholarships or something.

• 16:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, I got a huge, huge scholarship to go there. And when I got there, though, I was so far removed from my, like, environment, you know? So far removed from being in a, you know, the diverse, like, inner-city Boston, my old high school, where it's like one of the most diverse schools in the country.

• 16:53Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 16:54Speaker 01

  And then I, you know, go to Wesleyan where every person, I felt like every person besides me went to like an elite, private high school, like best schools in the world type stuff. And not only was I far behind them academically, but socially it felt like we grew up in very different worlds, so.

• 17:10Lewis Howes?

  And they're all probably came from money or their parents had money.

• 17:13Speaker 01

  Totally, totally. So, um, definitely a lot of them did. And what was challenging about that was, I think, because I didn't have any more of my sort of safety net, social safety net, it made all that sadness and anxiety that I started, you know, picking up through childhood, it just all bubbled up really intensely, you know, to the surface. And the way for me to mediate that was drugs and alcohol.

• 17:36Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 17:36Speaker 01

  You know, like I just started drinking a lot, smoking, like smoking constantly. I was smoking like, you know, five, six times a day. And just constantly just being high the entire time and partying way too much. And I just started, you know, very actively avoiding my emotions and wanting to double down on the fact that there was nothing wrong. And that, that took me to the end point where I almost lost my life, you know?

• 18:02Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 18:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, the summer of 2011, a year after college, I just, you know, did way too many drugs at that point and was so physically unhealthy, so mentally unhealthy, and-

• 18:14Speaker 01

  I was on the ground for like two hours. It felt like my heart was gonna explode. And in that moment, I knew, I was like, if I keep doing this, like, I'm gonna die. You know, like, my body can barely hang on in this moment. So in that moment, I was like, I gotta turn things around.

• 18:31Lewis Howes?

  Holy cow. So you're 22, is that right?

• 18:34Speaker 01

  About 22, 23.

• 18:35Lewis Howes?

  And so you were numbing, you had the pain inside you, but you were numbing it.

• 18:38Speaker 01

  Right.

• 18:39Lewis Howes?

  And that was your, I guess, flavor of numbing, which was

• 18:43Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 18:43Lewis Howes?

  Smoking and alcohol and partying.

• 18:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 18:46Lewis Howes?

  And not facing your emotions.

• 18:48Speaker 01

  Right.

• 18:48Lewis Howes?

  Do you feel like we can, as human beings, find peace if we have pain, sadness, or darkness inside of us, and we're always running away from it or numbing it?

• 19:00Speaker 01

  No, there's no way. I think you're just, it's almost like you're being hunted. You know, like, you're running, but like, your emotions are hunting you. They're trying to like, find you in some way or another to get you to acknowledge them and try to process them. Because how can you walk around with such a heavy load? And, I mean, that was like the, you know, fast forward a year later, like, I stopped all the hard drugs, started changing my habits, started eating a little bit better, started exercising, started examining my relationships. And, you know, it was sad because I started noticing how shallow all of my relationships were. And, but when I started meditating, and I was even more so had to practice being with

• 19:43Speaker 01

  my emotions, I went through that, you know, it was a silent 10-day meditation course, first one I had ever done, and it was so difficult.

• 19:51Lewis Howes?

  I can imagine.

• 19:52Speaker 01

  But at the end of it, I felt like, I felt like my mind had lost like 100 pounds.

• 19:56Lewis Howes?

  Holy cow.

• 19:57Speaker 01

  You know, and I was like, how do I, like, my mind feels better. And even though like, I barely finished this course.

• 20:04Speaker 01

  But it was, that's when it showed me, I was like, oh, you can actually heal yourself. And that, that's, I think, the reason why I'm here now.

• 20:12Lewis Howes?

  Wow. What, what do you think happens if we never process and acknowledge our emotions?

• 20:18Speaker 01

  I think repetition. You keep repeating, you keep sort of living through, going through the motion, and you end up slowly just accumulating more and more density. Because you're just repeating the same reactive habit patterns over and over again. And we don't realize that every reaction, it creates an imprint on the mind. And it predisposes the mind to react in the same way, to perceive in the same way. So you can just get denser and denser and denser.

• 20:47Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, I think these reactions also cause our nervous system to then follow suit and react and be on more high alert, which causes chronic stress, chronic illness.

• 20:58Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 20:58Lewis Howes?

  And disease in the body as well, when our mind is not able to address the pains of the past.

• 21:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:05Lewis Howes?

  And process it correctly.

• 21:08Lewis Howes?

  So you get into meditation, you do a 10-day silent meditation retreat. And then afterwards, are you all day and two hours a day? Or do you get away from it for a while and come back later?

• 21:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, it takes, it took me a while. It took me like two years to start meditating two hours a day. Where I was just, I didn't understand what was happening in the meditation course. Like I, I didn't quite understand why it was working, but I knew I felt better. Right? Like I was like, do my best to follow the instructions, the meditation instructions. And I, so that was, July of 2012 was the first one. And when I realized that I felt better, I ended up signing up for another one two months later.

• 21:47Lewis Howes?

  A 10-day one?

• 21:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, so I signed up.

• 21:49Lewis Howes?

  Silent 10-day?

• 21:49Speaker 01

  Silent again, yeah. And then the second one was September of 2012. And I got the same result. And I was like, shoot, I was like, I feel better again. You know, like I feel better.

• 22:00Lewis Howes?

  Like dang it, this thing works, oh man.

• 22:03Speaker 01

  And it was tough, it was tough going back into it the second time. Because I knew how like, how hard it is.

• 22:07Lewis Howes?

  It's demanding.

• 22:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's really demanding. I mean, you're there, you're meditating like 10-plus hours a day, and.

• 22:12Lewis Howes?

  You can't speak to anyone.

• 22:14Speaker 01

  You're not speaking to anyone. You know, if you have questions to the teachers, you can ask some questions, clarification and whatnot. But, but you're really there almost for, you know, for that 10-day period. Practicing living like a monk. Like, you're not going to become a monk or anything like that, but you're, it's a monk-type life.

• 22:32Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 22:32Speaker 01

  And it was, you know, grueling because you sort of, you get yourself away from all of the distractions. Like, there's no phone, no email.

• 22:41Lewis Howes?

  No social media.

• 22:42Speaker 01

  No social media, no nothing. It's just you and yourself. And this practice is going to help you engage better with everything that arises.

• 22:51Lewis Howes?

  That's crazy. Okay, so that's 11 years ago when you did this, I guess. 10, 11 years ago when you start this.

• 22:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:58Lewis Howes?

  And you were in a relationship with your now-wife before then, I guess for probably four or five years.

• 23:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, so we were together about six years before the first meditation course. And so that first six-year period, like, we got together young. Like, she was 18 and I was 19. We met in college. Immediately, there was a connection there. Like, immediately, we, you know, became great friends, were hanging out alone all the time. And there was no, like, you know, we were like friends first for a while. And I think after three months, we realized that there were feelings there and we got together. But there was just connection. And there was, there was just, there was probably zero emotional maturity between the two of us. We didn't know how to process our own emotions. We didn't know how to argue in a manner that would be productive.

• 23:50Speaker 01

  We, you know, all we knew was blame was, you know, the battle to win arguments.

• 23:56Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 23:56Speaker 01

  And really, like, you know, now that I think about it, it's really like, it's dominance. Like, if you want to win an argument, right? It's, what are you trying to do? It's, you want to dominate the narrative.

• 24:06Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 24:06Speaker 01

  And we would just, it was a rough, we were like in this tough hurricane for six years together. And we'd, you know, we'd break up, get back together. And, but we never could really pull fully apart because...

• 24:21Speaker 01

  Like the connection was just so undeniable. So we kept trying to figure out like, how can we do this better? And it wasn't until we started meditating that ever so slowly harmony started arising in our relationship. And now, I mean, we're in a far better, there's nothing, there's nothing perfect about the picture, right? But we're in a far better place because healing has happened inside of both of us as individuals. Self-awareness has developed, so there's less projection between us. And we've developed that calmness so that we can have patience when we have to like talk through, you know, more serious things.

• 24:54Lewis Howes?

  I mean, it sounds like you both had your, your own wounds or your own

• 24:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:58Lewis Howes?

  past pains or whatever it might be. When two people get together and they haven't healed their past, what typically happens from experience that you've seen over the last 10 years of couples you've met or stories you've heard?

• 25:13Speaker 01

  I mean, you just, you, so this is the thing that I find really often is like, whenever two people are in close proximity, whether they're in a relationship or not, an intimate relationship or not, there, you literally have two egos. And these two egos, when they rub up against each other, sometimes there's going to be friction. Like egos are rough, right? It's almost like two rocks. You rub the right rocks and there's going to be fire, right? So these egos, I think, when we carry that past pain, they're dense, they're super rough. And when you do that healing work, you smooth out that roughness, you decrease that density that you're carrying so that you can have more self-awareness.

• 25:58Speaker 01

  When points of friction happen, because those are undeniable, you're not going to like heal yourself and then never more will you like have arguments or anything like that. That's unrealistic. But you can sort of maintain your inner harmony or try your best to while something difficult is happening.

• 26:15Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. I love that you kept using this word harmony because that's what I feel like I've been developing within me for the last few years in my healing journey at this stage of healing. Because I feel like healing is a journey and you're to keep healing forever. But this stage of healing, it's been The word and the theme has always been harmony and developing it within me.

• 26:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 26:36Lewis Howes?

  And really not worrying what's happening around me, but as long as I create that within me, I'm gonna have more peace in my external world. And when two people in a relationship develop, cultivate harmony, cultivate a beautiful garden inside of them, as opposed to, you know, a desert or rocky mountains inside of them, it's easier to navigate challenges in life.

• 26:57Speaker 01

  Can I ask you, so what does like harmony feel like for you?

• 27:00Lewis Howes?

  Peace.

• 27:01Speaker 01

  Peace. Nice.

• 27:02Lewis Howes?

  Like laying on a calm beach and just hearing waves gently grazing the sand.

• 27:09Speaker 01

  That's so good.

• 27:10Lewis Howes?

  Calm.

• 27:11Speaker 01

  I, yeah, it's funny, because I'm like, I'm thinking to myself when I was listening to you talk, like, what do, how do I perceive harmony? And it's clarity and peace.

• 27:17Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 27:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:18Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. You talk about this on page 154 of The Way Forward.

• 27:25Lewis Howes?

  When your self-love increases, you become far less willing to harm others. Why? Because real self-love slowly opens the door to unconditional love for all beings. And it sounds like, the more I'm talking to you about this, it sounds like when we have hurt or sadness about something in our life, whether it's a recent hurt or sadness or past that keeps coming up, we don't know how to fully love ourselves for the pain, the shame, or the feelings we have towards that memory.

• 27:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:57Lewis Howes?

  And so we have guilt, sadness, anger, resentment, a lack of forgiveness of others, of ourselves. And therefore, we harm self and probably others more frequently when we do that.

• 28:10Speaker 01

  Totally.

• 28:10Lewis Howes?

  But you said, real, again, when you, when your self-love increases, that's when you're more in harmony with yourself and less reactive to others, is what it sounds like.

• 28:21Speaker 01

  Totally, totally. I really believe that. I think you were literally to wonder, like, what is the missing piece? And we're talking about both words, like a piece in a puzzle and peace in the earth. Like what's missing? It's self-love. And I really genuinely believe, and I've seen this process not only happen inside of me, but others. And as that, we're talking genuine self-love, like not commercial self-love, not like, what are you buying yourself and all this stuff? Not that, we're talking about how you engage with yourself in an accepting manner, right? The energy you put into your personal transformation, the sort of the, the willingness to engage with your own emotional history. That's what I really think is genuine self-love. But, once you're able to engage with yourself and activate those parts of self-love,

• 29:05Speaker 01

  so that you can better know and heal yourself, then that sort of reactive pattern to lash out on others, to, you know, wish harm on others, all those things just decreased, they melt away. And even for people you don't like, you know, you're just like, I wish them the best. But, may they be over there, but I wish them the best.

• 29:25Lewis Howes?

  Exactly.

• 29:26Speaker 01

  And I think it's pretty across the board. I think if, as people really develop that quality and can just engage with their past better, I think they're, they're less likely to want to harm others.

• 29:36Lewis Howes?

  It's so fascinating because there was definitely decades where I was extremely reactive, or combative, or defensive, or emotional, right? In certain moments, not all the time, but like when I was triggered, when the wound was triggered in me, I had this like, okay, I want to win, I want to be right, I want to defend. And, I always felt like people just don't understand me.

• 30:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:01Lewis Howes?

  People like, don't get me, and, I was like, why don't they understand me, why I'm so angry, or why I'm frustrated about these certain moments?

• 30:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:10Lewis Howes?

  Now, after being on a healing journey, I can witness other people doing it and say, wow, yeah, I remember that, because that was me for a long time.

• 30:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, for sure.

• 30:18Lewis Howes?

  And have compassion for people, but also know that the only way I was able to have more calm and inner peace, was doing the healing work. That's the only way I was able to get there, because I tried it from other ways. Making money, being successful, having, you know, attractive women around me, trying all the things that you think are going to bring you more peace, they didn't bring me peace.

• 30:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:39Lewis Howes?

  And it was until I did the inner work, and I turned around and I faced the pain.

• 30:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:44Lewis Howes?

  As opposed, you know, the thing that was haunting me, and haunting me, I faced it. And started to work with it.

• 30:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:51Lewis Howes?

  As opposed to run away from it. That's when, over time, it started to have more, you know, calming reactions. It's still not perfect, but it definitely improved over time. You know, your four life lessons in your book, you say, the first one, build inner peace or fall to outer chaos. This is like the, the missing piece.

• 31:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 31:13Lewis Howes?

  In the world, but also the peace within you. Your life, number one life lesson of these four life lessons is build inner peace or fall to outer chaos. Second one you say is be flexible. Being flexible does not mean giving up. The third, appreciate the closest friends in your life. And the fourth, challenging times do not last forever. The only thing is, challenging times may last forever if you don't face them.

• 31:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 31:39Lewis Howes?

  You know, these painful memories will keep coming up.

• 31:42Speaker 01

  Keep haunting you, yeah.

• 31:43Lewis Howes?

  Unless you face them and find a way to build inner peace.

• 31:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:46Lewis Howes?

  Right?

• 31:47Speaker 01

  No, it's really true. And I think it's interesting because you can look at it from different perspectives where challenging times, you know, ultimately, everything that arises ultimately passes away. So, something that may be difficult may disappear and then it may come back. Right? So, in that sense, it doesn't last forever. But in the other sense that you're talking about, it's totally true, where there will be particular difficulties that you carry within you that will just keep popping up, popping up. They'll get triggered by a certain thing that your memory is like, oh, this again, danger, danger, danger. And then you feel the reaction again. So, these things have to be addressed.

• 32:24Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 32:24Speaker 01

  And I love that you're pointing out too, you know, the fall to, falling to outer chaos. Cause that's something that I feel like, I, you know, as people who care about personal transformation, people who really want to build peace within themselves, the challenge is, can you maintain your energy the way you want it to be? Because human beings, we are often in the system of like osmosis where if I have a particular emotion, whether it's anger or joy, right? Whatever it may be, I'll usually want, will want another person to join us in that emotion.

• 33:00Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 33:01Speaker 01

  Right?

• 33:01Lewis Howes?

  Even the bad ones.

• 33:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, exactly. Even the bad ones. So like, if I'm angry, I'm like, please, please join me in my anger. And either by making you angry or by being like, let me tell you a story about this thing that happened that pissed me off. Please join me in also being angry.

• 33:13Lewis Howes?

  They did this, yeah.

• 33:14Speaker 01

  Right. But the same thing with the lighter emotions, right? We want to. Partake in them and those are beautiful like those happily yeah let me join you in your joy like would love to be happy for you but when someone is inviting you to join them in their anger whether by pissing you off or by telling you what pissed them off so you can be angry with them I think those moments are where the real sort of like this is a test right this is like I don't need to join you in this anger actually I'm okay like I don't want that heaviness I could even practice like especially if it's a dear loved one like I could even practice listening to you and seeing you but also just maintaining my peace while I'm trying to see you and it's really difficult right it's not like a

• 33:56Speaker 01

  you know get 100% type tests but you can do your best to just keep your energy as it is especially as you're moving through different environments you know moving out of the work environment to you know different different situations that you're in because I think being able to manage your own energy I think it's just a sign of mastery

• 34:15Lewis Howes?

  It is a huge sign of mastery and when you are in reaction mode something else has power over you

• 34:22Speaker 01

  Oh yeah

• 34:23Lewis Howes?

  Something else is more powerful than you are

• 34:26Speaker 01

  Yeah

• 34:27Lewis Howes?

  And it's when I learned that it me off because I felt like I was always in control but when I was reacting or defensive or guarded or frustrated I realized later I was like man I allowed that person that that moment that thing to have power over me to get into a negative state

• 34:45Speaker 01

  Yeah

• 34:46Lewis Howes?

  That's not fulfilling that's not fun

• 34:48Speaker 01

  Yeah

• 34:48Lewis Howes?

  So I had to learn how to deconstruct that and have more mastery over my emotions and it doesn't mean I'm perfect and I still get frustrated and I still have moments of you know anger but I'm aware I'm aware of it quicker and I'm like you know let's shift out of this this isn't serving my vision

• 35:04Speaker 01

  Yeah

• 35:05Lewis Howes?

  It's not serving me

• 35:06Speaker 01

  And you know when you're in a group in a situation like that where maybe the whole group is getting upset by a particular situation if if one person is able to put their head above the water and they're like oh actually we're okay you know this is this sucks but we're gonna be fine and then everyone kind of can you know gets gets another opportunity to kind of wake up a little bit and they're like oh yeah we're good you know we don't have to just roll in anger right now together because people don't quite get like you can be skillful without creating all this immense tension in your mind so you can still assess the situation be like oh this situation needs my attention I need to solve it without producing so much stress in the process

• 35:42Lewis Howes?

  You talk about focusing on four fundamentals that can massively change your life. I want to see if you can read, I've been reading your book, but I want to see if you can read these four.

• 35:53Speaker 01

  Oh, so I wrote this one after finishing a 45 day meditation course. It was like the first thing I wrote.

• 36:01Speaker 01

  Focusing on a few fundamentals can create a massive change in your life. Number one, make your healing, personal transformation and well-being top priorities. Number two, refrain from harming yourself or others. Three, create mental space for gratitude. Four, be kind and generous to others.

• 36:26Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, this is, if everyone on the planet made these four things their top priority, the world would be a more harmonious, peaceful place. And it starts with making healing, personal transformation and well-being your focus.

• 36:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:46Lewis Howes?

  Because when we don't make it our focus, it's not present, it's not in us. And we become sick, we become sad, we become cynical, all these different things. And that doesn't create positivity in the world, it doesn't move things forward in a powerful way.

• 37:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:00Lewis Howes?

  So making your healing, personal transformation and well-being a top priority, that alone, most people aren't spending the time like you talked about to create mental space

• 37:12Speaker 01

  Right.

• 37:13Lewis Howes?

  for that to happen.

• 37:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:14Lewis Howes?

  They're not living in gratitude even for a moment throughout the day. They're not creating 10 minutes to just think in peace without being on a distraction or a phone or a TV.

• 37:25Speaker 01

  Right.

• 37:26Lewis Howes?

  And really think about where can I invest my time in well-being? And if people could spend one hour a day on just well-being, whether it's calm mind, whether it's meditation, whether it's walking, whether it's working out, going to therapy, one hour a day on their well-being, it will drastically improve the quality of their life.

• 37:47Speaker 01

  It totally does. I've gotten so many messages from, especially

• 37:52Speaker 01

  Like mothers, you know, mothers who like have so many responsibilities and so many things they're doing and, you know, hearing stories about how they were inspired to just take like 10, 15, 20 minutes to themselves to just like do whatever it was that they needed to recalibrate, right, to whatever practice, whatever tool they had to just like get back into a certain degree of balance. And it's funny, it's, you know, you know it's good for you, but it's until you practice it, until you do it, until you see the results, you know, you see the payoff of the investment. And until you see the payoff of the investment, you're not like, then that's when you double down. And I think that's what happened to me personally, when, you know, I would go to these 10 day meditation courses, like

• 38:35Speaker 01

  I told you, like I was doing that for two years and I, I think I did four, about five of those courses before I started meditating two hours a day.

• 38:44Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 38:44Speaker 01

  And I had seen, I'm like, this is completely changing my mind. Like, I'm not fully healed, not fully wise or anything like that. I got the inspiration to start writing, but then I knew I was like, if I bring this into my everyday life, how the, you know, the results would be even bigger.

• 39:02Lewis Howes?

  Not just a weekend at a time.

• 39:03Speaker 01

  Right. Not just, not just like going away for a little bit, but it's like bringing it into my daily life. And I think what inspires me and still inspires me to this day is like, I know how when I put this time to be silent on my own every day, that it affects my marriage positively, my relationship with my parents and my siblings, my relationship with my wife's family, my, you know, the relationship with all of my friends, all of my work is affected positively. So if I don't do this, everything, every part of my life is gonna just not be as great.

• 39:37Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 39:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:38Lewis Howes?

  Here, here's a question for you, because I'm sure someone watching or listening is thinking of this.

• 39:46Lewis Howes?

  You know, Diego, this all sounds great.

• 39:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:49Lewis Howes?

  But, you know, your parents immigrated here and there's millions of immigrants that don't have time.

• 39:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:55Lewis Howes?

  Cause they're working whatever jobs they can get, probably two or three jobs a day to provide for their kids.

• 40:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:02Lewis Howes?

  Uh, there's a lot of single moms that the husbands or their partners left.

• 40:07Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 40:08Lewis Howes?

  And they've got kids and they don't have time because they gotta work full time.

• 40:10Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:11Lewis Howes?

  And take care of their kids. They don't have that 30 minutes a day, 15 minutes a day to, to focus on their wellbeing.

• 40:19Lewis Howes?

  What would your current self say to your parents before they moved? The day before they're about to move to America.

• 40:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:27Lewis Howes?

  What would you say to them, knowing everything you know about the 20 years that they went through of not having time to focus on wellbeing? How would you coach them or set them up for success?

• 40:39Speaker 01

  Wow, such a wonderful question. I've never thought about it and, you know, especially in regards to my parents. Cause I know there's, we live in a world of tremendous difficulty and a lot of people are like literally trying to just keep their head above the water in the economic situation. Um, but in regards to my parents, I think I would tell them that they, like, I would try to give them the advice that my wife and I now follow because it's not in regards to meditation or not, but it's what we practice daily where we are constantly checking in about where we are in our emotions. So when we wake up, we tell each other like, this is, you know, I'm feeling tough or like, I feel, I feel heavy.

• 41:21Speaker 01

  And it doesn't necessarily need a reason. It's just sometimes you wake up, you didn't get enough hours of sleep and you just, you feel like crap. Right? And being able to know, like, when I know what my emotion is and I am accepting of it. And then my partner also knows what my emotion is and we know where each other is at. Then we can actually, that creates a situation where there's information that wasn't there before. And we can move forward in the day where, you know, being cognizant of how that emotion is affecting what we're saying.

• 41:53Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 41:54Speaker 01

  And I think we found that a lot in our relationship, my wife and I, where. When we know how we feel, it just creates less possibilities for unnecessary arguments. And I think if my parents were, you know, put that into practice, especially back then, that could have become a long-term habit where it's like, oh, now I know my wife doesn't feel good today, so let's be cool. Let me try my best to support her. And similarly, I think when conflict arises,

• 42:24Speaker 01

  don't try to win. Winning, when you both try to win, you both lose automatically. Try to focus on understanding. And I'm glad that this is becoming a much more popular thing that more people are talking about because it's needed. Like, if an argument arises, I need to do my best to understand things from your perspective. And then you take the time to understand things from my perspective. How did this series of events move for me? You know, what emotions was I going through as this was transgressing? Same thing for you. When there's more understanding, then there's a possibility for love. And I think that's something that, you know, hopefully as a society, we can start shifting towards because, and granted, sometimes there may be times where one of us needs to apologize or whatnot. But overall, trying to understand each other

• 43:09Speaker 01

  creates more opportunity for love. And those are things that, whether you have time to meditate or not, if you try to put them into practice in the way, you know, when you're interacting with another human being, I think they could be really helpful.

• 43:22Lewis Howes?

  I mean, you know the experience you grew up with your parents in terms of how much stress they were facing or just kind of, I'm assuming, I don't want to put words in your mouth, but a kind of like a tension, a constant kind of low-level tension of like anxiety, of fear, of lack, of scarcity, of like nervousness, of kind of like a rushedness, not enough time, not enough to catch up, like always behind feeling. And I don't know if anyone else can resonate to that. But what practical things could you say? Or what could someone in that situation do who feels like, I don't have time to take care of my wellness because I've got three or four kids, three jobs. I can't even think about the feelings of my husband or my wife.

• 44:07Lewis Howes?

  I can't even think about that because I'm in such survival mode myself.

• 44:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 44:13Lewis Howes?

  What would be the difficult thing to say to your mom and dad that they would really need, like if they could have done that differently, or anyone in that situation now, if they could just do these three things, even if they don't have the time to do it, what would they do?

• 44:28Speaker 01

  I think the reality is like, right, we wanna, especially if it's someone that you're close to, like I would remind them, I'm like, dude, you're thinking, you're thinking the whole day, right? You're thinking constantly.

• 44:38Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 44:39Speaker 01

  So you're, you're like, you're, you're thinking, but what are you thinking about? You're thinking about things that are sort of rotating that wheel of misery, like rotating that reaction. And I think trying to interject moments of positivity, even in the mindset, can be incredibly powerful, like, you know, finding time to, not finding time, but like even as you're going through the moves of whatever it is that you're doing, whatever you're, you know, whatever it is that you're working on, whomever you're helping, thinking about moments of gratitude, right? Like putting into mind, like what am I grateful for? What's there that I'm, you know, I'm so, even though I'm in this hardship, I'm so glad that this is there, or this person is there. Also, moments where you can reflect,

• 45:20Speaker 01

  even intellectually, about impermanence, because I think this is incredibly helpful. Understanding that a moment of difficulty, like, right, life may be hard throughout, but it's not always going to be at the same intensity. So, understanding that everything is always changing, and letting that inspire you to be more present in the times that you do have, you know, because even interspersed with all of the, like, difficulty that I had with my parents, that we all had growing up as a family, there were definitely still beautiful moments, like on a Sunday, or, you know, when they would both have a day off, and, and we'd be together as a family, you know, and we'd be enjoying each other's company. And I think being like, really, you know, letting the fact that things change

• 46:04Speaker 01

  inspire you to be there, to be with the person that you love, I think it's incredibly valuable and can bring a lot of joy into life.

• 46:12Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 46:12Speaker 01

  And I wanna, you know, I love that you're hitting at the reality of how, you know, where so many, you know, hundreds of millions of Americans may be, and people around the world, like, the world is rough. And I think when we talk about this... It should inspire us to try to make a better world. I really fundamentally believe that. And I know people have very different ideas of how the world can be better. But whatever the idea may be, whatever the structure we may implement in the future, it needs to be something that's centered around compassion. And I think it's just so critical that we can try to let love design the world. Because I feel like we think so often in terms of right and left, but we never go up. We never, we're like, how can we elevate this situation?

• 46:56Speaker 01

  And I think it's, my hope is that we live in a historic time. We live in a time where there are not only these tremendous challenges that are in front of humanity. Right? We have this incredible income inequality, poverty around the world, so many diseases that should be eradicated. There's so many, so many different challenges that we're facing, especially over this 100-year period, that are pushing us to mature as a collective humanity. So to me, what can we do is try our best to heal ourselves while we're dealing with these global societal issues. Because our healing will actually create more creativity in our minds

• 47:38Speaker 01

  and help us see different solutions that weren't once there. So instead of just repeating the same solutions over and over again and them not working, it's like you clear, heal your mind, and you'll be able to look at a situation and be like, oh, I see something that I didn't see before. Let's try things a different way. And this is, we're talking a long game, right? Long arm of history. But I think it's so, to me, it's so inspiring and kind of, it creates a lot of awe in me that the same time that there are so many challenges, there are all these healing modalities that are becoming more and more accessible than ever before. Like, right at this time, can you get access to so many different forms of meditation,

• 48:19Speaker 01

  so many different forms of therapy, psychiatry, so many, and there's tons of other healing modalities that I'm not even mentioning. But people can actively try to find something that can heal them. Yeah. And for those who have time, definitely try to heal ourselves. For those who don't, like, we need to support each other. And we need to create a better world. Wow.

• 48:43Lewis Howes?

  Speaking of healing modalities,

• 48:47Lewis Howes?

  have you ever done like ayahuasca or like plant medicines or anything like that?

• 48:51Speaker 01

  No, never done ayahuasca. I've tried like mushrooms, LSD and all that. And I found it to be helpful to an extent. But once I started meditating, it just kind of blew everything out of the water. It was like, you know, when you're meditating and you're sitting there, you're literally, it's almost like you're getting a degree in universal law. Like you're just like, you're understanding how the universe works, but within the framework of your body. And you get this sample size and you just start observing it. You can make your awareness so sharp that it literally can feel like your body is this like flowing river of atoms. And you can so crisply feel and, you know, attend and observe to this ever-changing impermanence that layers every fabric of existence.

• 49:34Speaker 01

  Like it happens at the atomic level, the cellular level, the mental level, the, you know, cosmological level. Everything is always changing. And we struggle when we have a combative relationship with change. Right? But we feel peace when we embrace change. So to me, it's like meditating is just like, it's opened the world to this, I mean, it's opened these doors to this incredible learning that, you know, every time I go, every time I sit, I'm like, I'm like, wow, got a lot more to learn.

• 50:03Lewis Howes?

  Right. Do you think if you, I mean, I've never done plant medicine. I've never been high or drunk in my life.

• 50:10Speaker 01

  Cool.

• 50:10Lewis Howes?

  And

• 50:11Speaker 01

  Your brain must look great. I just saw Doc Amen.

• 50:14Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, you did do it, Doc Amen.

• 50:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, did you do the brain scan?

• 50:16Lewis Howes?

  I did it with him as well.

• 50:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:17Lewis Howes?

  But I have like some trauma from football stuff.

• 50:19Speaker 01

  Did he fix the dents?

• 50:20Lewis Howes?

  It's getting better. Yeah.

• 50:21Speaker 01

  Okay, good.

• 50:22Lewis Howes?

  It's improving, yeah. But I had some definitely like some

• 50:24Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 50:25Lewis Howes?

  Deeper dimples from like football trauma.

• 50:27Speaker 01

  I fell once when I was, I fell down the stairs once when I was 20 intoxicated. And he was like, that's, that's where you hit your head. Also, you hit the back of your head. You didn't even, that's from 15 years ago.

• 50:36Lewis Howes?

  Isn't it crazy?

• 50:37Speaker 01

  And it's still there.

• 50:37Lewis Howes?

  There's still the trauma there, right?

• 50:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:39Lewis Howes?

  It's crazy, man. I'm curious your personal thoughts on using healing modalities that include external medicines, drugs, or stimulants, hallucinogens,

• 50:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:55Lewis Howes?

  to put you into different states of being versus

• 50:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:59Lewis Howes?

  internal medicine

• 51:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:01Lewis Howes?

  through meditation, silence.

• 51:04Lewis Howes?

  And using the chemistry within your own body as opposed to the chemistry outside of your body.

• 51:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:09Lewis Howes?

  What do you think is more effective? I know lots of friends that swear by like how powerful ayahuasca and things have been for them. But I also see like a lot of challenges and struggle within them after they swear by this.

• 51:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:24Lewis Howes?

  So they get like this awakening or awareness or like insights, which I'm like, awesome.

• 51:31Lewis Howes?

  But I still feel like it, it doesn't solve everything. So I, I don't know because I haven't done it. So I can't speak into it, but you've done both it sounds like, or some of it.

• 51:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:40Lewis Howes?

  And it sounds like you're not doing the external medicines anymore.

• 51:44Speaker 01

  None at all. Yeah.

• 51:45Lewis Howes?

  What, why? And what do you think has been more effective?

• 51:51Speaker 01

  I can speak to it in two different ways. So one is from my, from my personal experience. I've found that when I would do psychedelics, they were incredibly helpful because they were eye opening. They were, they were showing me the interconnectedness of the world in a way that I couldn't quite see before. But after they were done, it felt more like an intellectual understanding as opposed to a knowledge that was fully mine and I could permanently live in.

• 52:20Lewis Howes?

  Integrated understanding.

• 52:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, fully just part of my being.

• 52:23Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 52:24Speaker 01

  When I would do psychedelics, it felt like I was opening a window to a door. I mean, you know, I was opening a window and looking outside and looking at how the world really is. And it was beautiful. But when I started meditating, it was like, I would open the window. And then I just walked outside the window and just started like living in this world. And.

• 52:44Lewis Howes?

  That's interesting.

• 52:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, it became into me. And now I want to say this, right?

• 52:50Speaker 01

  I think it's really important to understand that like, right, meditating works wonderfully for me. I have this, you know, very specific, I practice Vipassana in the Galenka tradition, the same style that Yuval Noah Harari practices in. And a bunch of other great people. And it's difficult, but it's for the people that it works for, you know, that connect with it. It's like, it's like you struck gold. It's like you just, you found this thing. You're like, whoa. Now you can just accelerate your growth and, and really develop and move on this path that leads out of suffering.

• 53:21Speaker 01

  But with that said. I really believe that individuals have to find modalities that meet them where they're at. So there are some people who have experienced so much trauma, so much heartache, so much, they carry so much pain that they might need something that's either a little more external or might need to speak to another person as opposed to just closing their eyes. Because when they close their eyes and they feel, it's like too much. They're just like, they can't, right? So each individual has to find something that meets them where they're at. Like where is their conditioning? And something that clicks with their intuition. Although, it should be something that's challenging, right? Because in the challenge, you're gonna build new strength. But you also don't want it to be overwhelming.

• 54:06Speaker 01

  And I think that's a lot of things. And that's why some people will either stay away from ayahuasca or, you know, just the different things that they themselves might find overwhelming. Because then if it's overwhelming, it's not productive. You might wanna stop the healing process.

• 54:20Lewis Howes?

  You won't stick with it.

• 54:21Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 54:21Lewis Howes?

  You won't stick with it, yeah. I think that's really interesting to talk about too. It's finding the thing that meets you where you're at. And maybe you gotta try a bunch of stuff.

• 54:28Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 54:28Lewis Howes?

  Until you figure out what that thing is.

• 54:29Speaker 01

  A lot of people have to try the sort of like spiritual buffet. And then they find like what actually...

• 54:34Lewis Howes?

  This works for me, yeah. I remember when I first started meditating, it was really hard for me to sit still for like five minutes.

• 54:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, nice.

• 54:40Lewis Howes?

  I was like, okay, like, I need something else.

• 54:43Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:43Lewis Howes?

  And so I went into, you know, different modalities. I was like, I'm gonna go extreme heat therapy. I'm gonna go extreme cold therapy, like more physical, feels like a workout. And see how I can let my mind process and heal and work through these things in a different way. Then it was, okay, let me go back to meditation and doing a two-week meditation retreat.

• 55:04Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 55:05Lewis Howes?

  I actually became a meditation instructor, I don't know, seven years ago or something. And then going back to different things. And so it's, I think it's a process of discovering and figuring it out.

• 55:15Speaker 01

  I love that you tried it again too, because a lot of people are like, they sit down, they meditate, and they're like, I can't do this at all. And it's like, of course, we all suck at it.

• 55:22Lewis Howes?

  Right, yeah. When you first start, you're gonna suck.

• 55:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, so it's something that you won't get, like I said before, it's a mental gym. You're not gonna be able to bench press like 300 pounds on your first go.

• 55:33Lewis Howes?

  I know.

• 55:33Speaker 01

  Right? So you need to train the mind and to help it develop focus. And that takes determination and the ability to just be like, I'm gonna try again.

• 55:41Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 55:42Speaker 01

  Gonna try again.

• 55:42Lewis Howes?

  Exactly.

• 55:43Speaker 01

  You keep trying, and then the quality develops.

• 55:45Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, that's it. We're talking about the way forward. We're with Yung Pueblo.

• 55:50Lewis Howes?

  Diego is your real name, but Yung Pueblo is your author name. And we're talking about a lot of beautiful things here, man. I have a couple of final questions for you.

• 55:59Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 55:59Lewis Howes?

  This has been really powerful and inspiring. But I want people to follow you, Yung Pueblo on Instagram, Twitter, social media, and also on Substack. You've got a great newsletter over there, youngpueblo.com. But make sure you get this book. I mean, every page, I've got so many markings on this book already. Every page has got wisdom, truth, insights. That is going to give you more peace, more harmony, and more love in your life. So make sure you get a few copies of this book. And all your books, which are amazing as well.

• 56:29Speaker 01

  Thank you so much.

• 56:29Lewis Howes?

  We'll have all this linked up. And make sure you guys get a few. Get them for friends as well. This is a question I ask everyone towards the end of our conversations. And maybe you've already said what you're gonna say here, but I'll see if something else opens up for you.

• 56:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, sure.

• 56:43Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, this question is called the three truths. So imagine a hypothetical scenario. You get to live as long as you want on this life and accomplish everything you want to accomplish. But it's the last day and you have to take everything with you. So all your books, this conversation, all your content, anything you make in the future, it goes with you. And we don't have access to your information anymore, or your wisdom. But you get to leave behind three lessons to the world. And this is all we have to remember you by.

• 57:10Speaker 01

  Oh, so all the content gets erased?

• 57:12Lewis Howes?

  Everything is gone that you created.

• 57:14Speaker 01

  And you just leave back three things. That's dope.

• 57:15Lewis Howes?

  You can only leave three lessons behind. I call it three truths. What would be those three truths for you?

• 57:21Speaker 01

  I think the number one thing is that healing is possible. Number two would be the way that you heal is not necessarily the same way those around you heal. So that truth highlights that. And I see this within my own family, within my own friends. Like meditation has worked so beautifully for me. Other friends might meditate in other traditions. Some family members have benefited so much from a great psychiatrist or a great therapist. So I think don't expect just because you've found your thing that it's everyone's thing. And I think third is that there is no...

• 58:06Speaker 01

  Inner peace without kindness to others. So if you are solely cultivating yourself and trying to heal yourself, but still being rude and unkind to all those around you, then it's not possible to find peace. So kindness, gentleness towards other human beings is critical, critical.

• 58:30Lewis Howes?

  Talking about the way forward from number one York Times bestselling author, Young Play Blue. Make sure you guys get a copy of this. I want to acknowledge you, Diego, for having the courage to take on your own healing journey, even though you grew up in a state of stress, anxiety, scarcity, you know, trauma, all these different things that you dealt with, and feeling other than people, you know, feeling different, feeling not as, not in the right space or place all the right times. And having the courage to say, how can I continue to grow and develop and be kind to others as well as learning to be kind to myself? So I acknowledge you for the commitment to two hours a day in saying,

• 59:15Lewis Howes?

  no longer is generational trauma going to continue. No longer is scarcity going to continue in my family. I am going to be the one that breaks this generational feeling. And that's, it takes a lot of courage to do.

• 59:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:30Lewis Howes?

  And I acknowledge you for not only taking it on, but being consistent for the last decade. When it's hard to take it on, it's even harder to be consistent.

• 59:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:41Lewis Howes?

  And follow through on your practice and your principles daily, man. That's a lot of commitment. So I acknowledge you for doing that. And you deserve all the success from the work you do, the books you have, because of that commitment to you and your healing and peace. So I want to acknowledge you for that. And again, I want people to follow you, get the book. And I have one final question, and that is, what's your definition of greatness?

• 1:00:05Speaker 01

  Oh, that's a great question.

• 1:00:10Speaker 01

  My definition of greatness is a life that embraces the wisdom of impermanence. Because I've found that the more that I am able to embrace impermanence and allow that truth to inspire every single aspect of my life, it just helps me show up as a better version of myself. I think if I wasn't constantly feeling the impermanence in my own body, understanding that truth of impermanence, I would waste a lot of moments.

• 1:00:35Lewis Howes?

  There you go. My man. Thank you, brother.

• 1:00:38Speaker 01

  Thank you so much, man.

• 1:00:39Lewis Howes?

  I hope today's episode inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a rundown of today's show with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me as well as ad-free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel on Apple Podcasts. If you enjoyed this, please share it with a friend over on social media or text a friend. Leave us a review over on Apple Podcasts and let me know what you learned over on our social media channels, @louishowes. I really love hearing the feedback from you and it helps us continue to make the show better. And if you want more inspiration from our world-class guests and content to learn how to improve the quality of your life, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness newsletter

• 1:01:23Lewis Howes?

  and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com/newsletter. And if no one has told you today, I want to remind you that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.