Try THIS For 7 Days To Never Stress Out Again EP 1390

https://lewishowes.com/mindset - Order a copy of my new book The Greatness Mindset today! Today’s guest is Elissa Epel, Ph. D. She is an international expert on stress, well being, and optimal aging and a best-selling author. She is a Professor in the Department of Psychiatry & Behavioral Sciences, at University of California, San Francisco, where she is Vice Chair of Psychology and directs the Aging Metabolism Emotions Center. She studies the environmental, psychological, behavioral and social factors that impact cellular aging, and is also focusing on climate wellness. She studies how self care practices such as meditation and positive stress can promote psychological and physiological thriving, and is interested in large scale interventions for communal well being and health equity. She’s written a new book called “The Stress Prescription: Seven Days to More Joy and Ease. In this episode, you will learn:How having a purpose plays a role in eradicating stress in your life. Why you should include more “Nothingness” in your schedule. How to embrace positive stress. Elissa’s seven day prescription to more joy in your life. For more, go to: www.lewishowes.com/1390 Habits That'll Help You Not Waste Another Year Of Your Life w/ James Clear EP 1372 https://link.chtbl.com/1372-podYour Personal Guide to Self Discovery w/ Nicole LePera EP 1358 https://link.chtbl.com/1358-podOvercome Your Triggers & Heal Your Soul w/ Dr. Mariel Buqué EP 1304 https://link.chtbl.com/1304-pod Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:03Lewis Howes?

  If you feel like you're not living your most authentic life, not leaning into your purpose and not living the life that your future self would be extremely proud of, I've written a new book called The Greatness Mindset, and I think you're gonna love this. Through powerful stories, science-backed strategies, and step-by-step guidance, The Greatness Mindset will help you overcome all the different challenges in your life to design the life of your dreams and then turn it into your reality. Make sure to click the link in the description to get your copy today.

• 0:30Speaker 01

  Have we habituated to a certain level of like slow drip, chronic stress that we don't even notice anymore? And we just accept. And that's where a lot of us are. And I've lived for years in that state too. And it is something we can...

• 0:44Lewis Howes?

  Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 1:08Lewis Howes?

  You are an international expert on stress, well-being, on aging peacefully, and so many other things in your practice and in your teachings. And you've got this incredible new book, that's Stress Prescription: Seven Days to More Joy and Ease. And it seems to me like this is one of the biggest things that people struggle with the most, is learning how to manage, navigate, and embrace stress in their life.

• 1:33Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:34Lewis Howes?

  And I'm curious, in all of your work, in your practice, in your teachings, in your writings, in your papers, in the research you've done, why do we stress the most? And where do you stress the most?

• 1:46Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:47Lewis Howes?

  As the expert in this?

• 1:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. So yes, stress, we stress too much. We need to take it seriously and bring it way down because it's toxic for our health, because it creates depression and anxiety disorders. And we just let it go, free-floating, and don't take it seriously.

• 2:04Lewis Howes?

  So how serious is it to master stress?

• 2:09Speaker 01

  Toxic stress or chronic stress is serious. It is a precursor to...

• 2:15Speaker 01

  Everything bad that we don't want, which is early disease and disability and risk for even dementia and of course depression, anxiety. So it is, there's a big science base on it and it's chronic toxic stress. So like really ongoing for years. That is what is bad for health. The short-term stress, we can, we're gonna go there, but it's like, oh, that's a totally different story. That is like, we harness that for good and we perform that way and we do well that way and we grow through stress.

• 2:50Lewis Howes?

  So the chronic stress, give me some examples of what that looks like.

• 2:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, so a typical example is being a caregiver for a loved one. And that's what we study. We study caregivers because they're such a good model. They take care of someone 24/7. They don't get to take care of themselves very much. They tend to have wounds that heal more slowly and they, in some studies even, tend to die earlier.

• 3:13Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 3:14Speaker 01

  Yes, I mean, this is toxic stress and it's...

• 3:16Lewis Howes?

  Now, is it the same as a caregiver who is not a family member who is being paid? Or is it just a family member caregiver?

• 3:24Speaker 01

  It's the family member caregivers that we study because paid caregivers is one of their social roles and it's, it is a hard job, but it's not anything like, yes, and it's not anything like seeing your loved ones suffer. Yeah, so caregiving, you know, partner with dementia or a child with a chronic disability. I've been studying caregivers for over a decade and the beauty though is that it's not just the situation within being a caregiver. This may happen to many of us. It's how we live within that and how we view it, how we cope. And so the ability to maintain purpose and, and quality relationships.

• 4:05Speaker 01

  And positive emotion, those are critical ingredients. Those protect us from like the insulin resistance and the early aging that we see in caregivers.

• 4:12Lewis Howes?

  So what are the main things? Say those again, repeat those.

• 4:15Speaker 01

  Purpose, purpose in life, like really feeling like we're doing something each day that's meaningful. Feeling positive emotion, being able to see the the small miracles and the things that make us happy each day. It's the small things that stress kind of clouds over and we miss. And so if we can still be in touch with what we're grateful for.

• 4:36Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 4:36Speaker 01

  That's really valuable.

• 4:38Lewis Howes?

  It's interesting, I I'm gonna butcher the guy's name, but there's a father-son relationship that's well-known in the sports world. This father, I think his name's Dan Hoyt, for some reason that's coming up to me. He's the father and he runs like ultra-marathons and triathlons with his son, who was born a quadriplegic, I believe. Couldn't walk, couldn't move his, you know, body, but is, who couldn't speak, all these different things. And he would do this from the time he was like a teenager until like his son was in his 40s or something. So every few months, he would be training and preparing and he would push his son on like a marathon. Then he would swim two miles, then he would bike with his son in the front, however many 100 miles or whatever, doing these triathlons and ultra-marathons.

• 5:22Lewis Howes?

  And it's beautiful to watch because I can imagine the pain and the challenge seeing your son not be able to walk, not be able to speak your entire life and feeling like you're helpless. But to give it, and he said the first time he did this, he was not a runner, he saw his son have so much joy, I think in like a three-mile run, being pushed.

• 5:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:42Lewis Howes?

  He was like, okay, there's a purpose here.

• 5:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:44Lewis Howes?

  Let me try to get healthier and be here with my son and create this bond and this experience. And I'm sure it's not the most ideal situation, but it's giving your life more purpose in that caregiver experience, right?

• 5:57Speaker 01

  It's a beautiful example, exactly. And caregivers who can actually find meaning in being able to bring comfort to their loved one or pleasure, make them smile, that's what it's about every day.

• 6:10Lewis Howes?

  Wow. So so chronic, what other ways of chronic stress?

• 6:14Speaker 01

  Lots, lots.

• 6:15Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, tell me.

• 6:15Speaker 01

  Okay, so chronic job stress, typical one, like low control, too much demand, too much responsibility without a lot of executive power, control. That is a bad formula and that's related to everything bad, you know, early heart disease and abdominal fat, that kind of stress fat and early mortality. Another one, relationship conflict. When you said what stresses us out most, I was gonna go right to, it's about social relationships. We wanna feel part of the tribe. We wanna belong. We get so stressed out when we feel rejected or in some way, isolated. Loneliness is a terrible chronic stressor and has its own health effects.

• 7:03Speaker 01

  Marital conflict, when it goes on and on. I mean, this is, the social animal in us interprets all of these social stressors as physical threats. And so that's why it's got such this big wear and tear on our body.

• 7:14Lewis Howes?

  It feels like a huge weight at times. If it becomes chronic, right? It feels like this is never ending. There's no relief. It's every day or whatever it might feel. Interesting.

• 7:24Speaker 01

  And, right. And so, I mean, on the good side, because we're so social, our brains are so social. We feel, when we feel connected, and it could be one quality friendship, but it's really important to have that support. Social support, quality connection, is the most stress reducing thing we know about. Like, it's old news in my field, so we don't talk about it much. It's like, well, you know, during the pandemic, I mean, this is how we got by, so many of us. And it was so hard for people who were isolated and lived alone.

• 7:54Lewis Howes?

  So, these are some of the main, I guess, causes of, what is it?

• 8:00Speaker 01

  Toxic stress.

• 8:00Lewis Howes?

  Toxic stress. How do we first become aware that it's happening? Because after a period of time, we may not even know it's happening. We just feel exhausted.

• 8:09Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 8:10Lewis Howes?

  How do we become aware of which one of these is actually causing us the most stress?

• 8:13Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 8:14Lewis Howes?

  And then what would you say is the game plan for starting a process of eliminating some of the stress?

• 8:20Speaker 01

  Exhaustion is a good sign. And it's too late, right? We need to start way earlier to notice how stressed we really are. And so, in my book, I don't talk just about like, when we're in the thick of stressful situations. Like, we, we know what that's like. We know we're stressed out. But it's more like, have we habituated to a certain level of like, slow drip, chronic stress, that we don't even notice anymore? And we just accept. And that's where a lot of us are. And I've lived for years in that state, too. And it is something we can We can change. We don't have to live that way. It's like a dark cloud that changes our perception, dampens our ability to really see other people, see reality clearly, have really good relationships.

• 9:04Speaker 01

  So I would say that I feel like the levels of perceived stress that we have right now nationally are so high and dangerous. I mean, we just had a national survey, APA Stress in America Survey, and like the majority of young adults feel like they can't even cope with the levels of stress they're having. This is not okay.

• 9:27Lewis Howes?

  Hmm, wow.

• 9:29Speaker 01

  This is gonna portend, this is a precursor to all these other problems, especially mental health problems.

• 9:34Lewis Howes?

  What will happen if we as a society continue with these levels of chronic stress, toxic stress, in the next three to five to 10 years? If we continue down this road?

• 9:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:45Lewis Howes?

  What will happen?

• 9:46Speaker 01

  I really worry about our youth and our young adults and the suicide rate and the depression rate. It's already bad and we just don't have the services. And so, you know, when you ask about a game plan, my book and what the wellness field is about is what we can do at home as a one person. But the real shift has to be in our culture and our values because we make people feel like their whole worth is based on what they achieve, how much they make and how they perform. And that is toxic. And so, changing to a more compassionate, socially connected culture, and it sounds very idealistic, but that is what everything always comes down to in my world.

• 10:31Speaker 01

  It's like, oh, this is, we need to change schools, we need to change the culture of institutions.

• 10:36Lewis Howes?

  Parenting styles.

• 10:37Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, it's all, exactly, it's all of that. So, but we do need to start with ourselves and really noticing when we're, noticing the stress we're carrying in our body and addressing it by, with mindful check-ins, with what I like to think of as, there's mindset, there's kind of top-down, we can change how we view stress and think about it. There's body up, we can use our body, this whole nervous system in our body to manage stress better. We can clean out stress that we're storing up. And then there's, just change the scene. Like, get into nature, create healthy environments, and that helps us more than we even know.

• 11:12Lewis Howes?

  You have a seven-day prescription though, too, right?

• 11:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:15Lewis Howes?

  What is that prescription?

• 11:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, I can run through the seven. But you did, you did ask me like what my... Most common stresses.

• 11:22Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 11:23Speaker 01

  And I mean, there are, there are big ones, there are uncontrollable situations that I've had to accept. But I think the most common one is like the daily rush, like the to-do list being so long. And I study this in people, we give them these daily diaries, like what was the most stressful thing that happened today? So often, it is rushing and time pressure. And that's just bad scheduling. So I've gotten a lot better about that. I mean, I used to try to use every minute, you know, like phone call, work phone calls, in transit and in the car and this and that, and like time is such a commodity and that is just, there's no chance of decompressing and having spaciousness and having your body actually be able to feel at ease when we live that type of a day.

• 12:08Speaker 01

  And how common is that type of a day?

• 12:10Lewis Howes?

  It's very common for a lot of people, I think, yeah. It's interesting because I think a lot of people focus on their schedule and maximizing it. I actually have, not every day, but a lot of days I put in like strategic nothing time.

• 12:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:24Lewis Howes?

  Just to give myself space to do what I need to do. Maybe I'm researching something, maybe I'm just laying on the couch, I don't know.

• 12:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 12:30Lewis Howes?

  But it's like strategic time to just think, be, take a walk. I think, you know, around lunchtime can be good for that too, to like just decompress and get away for a few minutes. And just take some time for yourself, so.

• 12:41Speaker 01

  It's so basic and it's actually so profound, strategic nothing time.

• 12:47Lewis Howes?

  Strategic nothing.

• 12:48Speaker 01

  I like it.

• 12:49Lewis Howes?

  Strategic nothing time.

• 12:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's pretty much what our psychological first aid was for all our frontline workers at the medical school. It's like you, if you, if you can't take a break, you will develop some of this burnout that you already came with and now you have, you know, the pandemic. So these breaks, and if we're really taking a break, we're not looking at our phone, we're actually just being, walking, being in nature, doing deep breathing.

• 13:15Speaker 01

  That nothingness time changes how we think. It allows room for creativity and we just think differently. So when I'm just going through my day as time is commodity, completely packed, my thinking is boring. I'm not, I'm not creative. I'm just getting the things done and, you know, checking things off. So I think when we're by the ocean or forest, or we really have this, you know, luxury of these nothingness time to just be. We are more our true essence. We're able to just actually be in our body and be connected to people and to nature. And that is rare.

• 13:54Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. There's this thing, I mean, there's a concept of having rest and relaxation and taking, you know, your time throughout the days and not being too full on your plate. But then there's also the concept of pressure creates diamonds and pressure and stress creates innovation and creates, you know.

• 14:15Speaker 01

  The good stress, yes.

• 14:16Lewis Howes?

  Exactly. And so it's like, there's a balance of like, okay, don't make sure your day is too relaxed. But also don't get too burnt out.

• 14:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 14:23Lewis Howes?

  Because then there's not pressure to create some innovation, some new idea, some breakthrough.

• 14:28Speaker 01

  Right.

• 14:28Lewis Howes?

  So it's kind of a balance, right?

• 14:29Speaker 01

  Totally, absolutely. Like, we don't want all like ease and relaxation. It's totally unrealistic too, and that's not life. And there's, you know, there's slings and arrows that are gonna, gonna hit us. And so we want to have a healthy, positive stress response. But this idea of embracing positive stress and, I mean, we thrive on that, right? Like, we love, part of us, or many of us, and I'm one of them, loves the deadline. And things get done. But then you gotta do the decompress and the respite. And so it's that kind of mixture of both. And I even love that, like during, let's say, like, an intense yoga class. And there are other things like this, where you're going from intensity and, you know,

• 15:13Speaker 01

  isometric strength or aerobic fitness to like, complete relaxation and lying down. And yoga does that. They kind of alternate back and forth. And so you're like, working your nervous system back and forth from positive stress to relaxation. I love that. So hot, cold. So in my book, we have, you know, in this section on like, what is positive stress? This bodily stress that we control and we apply in short bouts. So high intensity interval training, hyperthermia, sauna, cold exposure, and extreme breathing. Those are, those are four things that we can control and do, and they de-stress us. We don't have to have all this muscling effort to do top-down stress reduction.

• 15:57Lewis Howes?

  Right. I'm curious about, we were talking about this before, before we started the conversation here. About healing the body, but also healing the thought. Because I feel like sometimes we get into this chronic stress or this toxic stress environment where it's a consistent thing for days, weeks, months, years. And it's like there's an idea or a thought that you've got to keep living this way. And it's still, and it's also affecting the body physically. It's hurting the body. But is it first healing the body symptoms? Or is it healing the thought that you have to be living this certain way? Or living in this environment? Or be in these types of relationships first that hurts you?

• 16:39Lewis Howes?

  Which one do we need to heal first so that we can get back to a baseline of peace? It's the thought or the body?

• 16:46Speaker 01

  Yeah. It's a really good question, and I think people will have different opinions. And sometimes we need to start with the body. Because we might have trauma that's so defended that we can't look at it yet. And the body stores stress and trauma. And so there's different, there's a lot of different alternative techniques. They're not mainstream, although they, they are starting to be like somatic therapy. Where you're actually using the body to, to name and clarify and process trauma that we've had. So we can start with the body. We can start with the mind. And we can also do both. And I'm in the camp of both.

• 17:29Speaker 01

  That we, we really should be using the body and exercise. And you know, a lot of your audience uses this as a lifestyle. So the idea of the body for stress reduction might, they might not be aware of it, but it's happening. I mean, it's a total regulator. Like my colleague Eli Putterman has done a lot of exercise studies. Exercise reduces rumination. Rumination is chronic stress. That's how we carry around chronic stresses is through our thoughts. Rethinking them over and over. We think we're problem solving. It's not very constructive. We're not problem solving. We're just keeping our body in a stress state.

• 18:07Lewis Howes?

  Ruminati è stress cronico.

• 18:09Speaker 01

  È una delle maniere in cui portiamo il stress cronico.

• 18:11Lewis Howes?

  Se lo facciamo per troppo tempo, si può ruminate per 20, 30 minuti.

• 18:15Speaker 01

  Possiamo portare stress nel nostro corpo tutto il tempo. Possiamo ruminate, possiamo anche anticipare e preoccupare. E sembra che non ci aiuti molto. Quindi quando anticipiamo un stressor, non significa che facciamo meglio. No, significa che abbiamo avuto cortisone e stresso più a lungo. Le studie hanno mostrato che. Il mio collega Wendy Mendez. Quindi sappiamo molto su come portiamo il stress nel cervello. O pensando al passato o al futuro. E questo non ci aiuta molto. È solo in modo che pensiamo di essere in controllo. Quindi la mindfulness, orientata al presente. La certezza, rendere noi stessi sensibili alla certezza del presente e essere presenti. E essere impegnati, avere il nostro focus di attenzione.

• 19:00Speaker 01

  Veramente absorbito, come in uno stato di flusso. È un bell'essere di mente che non è stressante. Ma è ancora altamente attivato, come hai detto. Stai lavorando su una deadline o qualcosa insieme.

• 19:11Lewis Howes?

  Ma se stiamo ruminating sul passato o preoccupando il futuro, allora viviamo in stress.

• 19:16Speaker 01

  Sì.

• 19:17Lewis Howes?

  Qual è la differenza tra preoccuparsi del futuro e prepararsi per il futuro?

• 19:22Speaker 01

  Sì, c'è una differenza.

• 19:23Lewis Howes?

  E visualizzare ciò che potrebbe andare bene e potrebbe andare male nel futuro, così sei preparato.

• 19:28Speaker 01

  Sì.

• 19:28Lewis Howes?

  Qual è la differenza tra quei due?

• 19:30Speaker 01

  È una bella domanda. E quando possiamo prepararci e risolvere i problemi e essere pronti per le cose. Stiamo riducendo il stress.

• 19:41Lewis Howes?

  Sì.

• 19:41Speaker 01

  Quindi pianificare in quel modo è completamente costruttivo. E è così che molti di noi gestiscono il stress. Ma l'anticipazione è più preoccupante. Stai pensando a questo, ma non stai creando. Stai rinforzando i tuoi risorse e preparandosi.

• 19:58Lewis Howes?

  Non stai prendendo azione per prepararsi.

• 20:00Speaker 01

  Sì, esattamente. Quindi una serie di strategie è vedere il nostro mindset. Quindi quando sentiamo. Stai descrivendo come ti piace la routine, ma non una routine troppo rigida. E quindi c'è un punto buonissimo. E è la nostra capacità di affrontare qualche uncertainty. Sì, le cose potrebbero non andare come previsto.

• 20:29Lewis Howes?

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• 21:13Lewis Howes?

  without the use and support of therapy. I go to the gym to work on my body, and I go to therapy to work on my mind and my emotions. It's that simple. If you want to live a more empowered life, therapy can get you there. Visit betterhelp.com/lewis today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.com/lewis.

• 21:34Speaker 01

  So that's really important. So this being able to kind of be comfortable and tolerate uncertainty, or when, you know, when things happen that we didn't plan or predict, being able to actually relax into that. That is a resilient skill that some of us, just based on personality, are more that way. We tolerate uncertainty really well. And then some of us aren't. And we, you know, we really get very uncomfortable when we can't know exactly what's going to happen tomorrow. Yeah. So how did you get that way? Was it work? I mean, did you have to work on it? Or you just kind of naturally, you know, kind of structured, but not too structured?

• 22:18Lewis Howes?

  How I prepare for tomorrow, you mean?

• 22:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:25Lewis Howes?

  Well, first off, I visualize a goal that I have. And it really starts with a meaningful mission. So I'm clear on my purpose for this season of life. So when I was playing sports, I was like, okay, this season, these three months, my goal is to get to the state championship or to win this many games or whatever it might be. And then I had a purpose for that season. Just like now, I have a purpose and a mission. So I'm clear on that and then I create a goal about what I want to accomplish this year. And then I have quarterly goals and I just kind of work on every week. What do I need to do to support myself in being of service to the mission? So I'm very mission oriented, focused on giving and creating, on adding value to a certain amount of people.

• 23:08Lewis Howes?

  And that if I feel thrown off of that or like it's been too many days where I'm not grounded for whatever reason, because I'm burnt out or I'm distracted or something, or I've overcommitted or something, then I start to feel like, okay, something's off. And when I have more routine and more groundedness in my routine, so I have the energy to serve at a certain level. That's the way I think about it. So I'm always listening to myself and I'm always processing and giving myself the space to rest so that I feel like, okay, I have the rest. I have the workout. I have the nutrition that I need. I have the therapy that I need so that I can clear things and not ruminate. So I can be my best self, the best self possible in that moment. That's what I think about.

• 23:53Lewis Howes?

  And I prepare that way.

• 23:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:54Lewis Howes?

  It's a journey because, you know, 10 years ago, I had a lot of wounds inside of me, a lot of anger, a lot of stress, a lot of frustration that I hadn't processed yet. And so those things would come up in certain moments of life, triggers from relationships or career or business partners, whatever. And it would cause more upset and more stress because I hadn't processed the wounds. And so when I started to address those things and process them and integrate them through practice, then I realized I have less stress. But but then there's there's a different level of stress the more you grow. Right? It's like you're growing, you're developing, you're creating. Now you've got different types of problems. You have to learn how to manage at that level.

• 24:38Lewis Howes?

  So it doesn't feel like it's going away. It's like I've become better at managing it and become a better leader to myself and the people around me. So I don't know. If you've got the answers, let me know.

• 24:49Speaker 01

  Advanced Stress Management 2.0. No, that's that sounds amazing. You have your North Star. So having purpose is incredibly important for buffering stress. Because we have so many different existential stressors, global problems, personal stressors to deal with. But if we have purpose, and especially with a team, you know, with partner, just collectively in not alone. It is the fuel, kind of the regenerative fuel of how we have that goal of service. Despite sadness, sorrow, things we can't control. So the you know, the North Star is kind of a new area of health research of realizing like,

• 25:33Speaker 01

  oh, if you have more purpose in life, you have less inflammation, you actually live longer. Really? It's it's yeah, it's like the big. I mean, I think of a stress as an umbrella that kind of shapes our life and, you know, it wreaks havoc on our health behaviors. And then purpose is like, all of a sudden, stress shrinks and like it's it's more in perspective. So our we don't sweat the small stuff as much when we kind of see how we fit into this world. Like, what is our mission in our short life?

• 26:02Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 26:03Speaker 01

  And, you know, you've talked about like, don't view, don't. One of your mind hacks you've mentioned is, don't feel like you have all the time in the world. And so that you use your time aligned with your goals.

• 26:14Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely.

• 26:15Speaker 01

  And there is.

• 26:18Speaker 01

  Something called spiritual urgency which happens, which is when someone really reaches a crisis, they often develop spiritual urgency to live what their limited life. This is like a health problem usually, or some catastrophic thing.

• 26:35Lewis Howes?

  Near-death experience, or someone dies in the family, and you go through a health problem.

• 26:39Speaker 01

  Right. That aligns us, and often we have from that post-traumatic growth, or spiritual urgency, which is realizing, oh my goodness, I was using, I was spinning my wheels, I'm using all this effort to try to live well, and it was not using my time for what I care about most, which, fill in the blank, different to everyone, but usually about relationships, love, gratitude, creating some greater good. And so, we can wait until we have a crisis to develop that spiritual urgency, or we can do what you suggested, which is just stop now, and ask, reflect, what are my, if I had one year to live, what are my priorities?

• 27:23Speaker 01

  How do I want to use my time? How can I align my time use to fit what I care about most? Because we really don't know.

• 27:31Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 27:32Speaker 01

  And if we really honestly look at the fragility of life, and how short it is, even though right now it feels like we have so many unlimited days, we don't. And that spiritual urgency is one way that we can, you know, be aligned with these mission-driven quarters you describe. I love it.

• 27:56Lewis Howes?

  Did you feel like you always had spiritual urgency? Or is that something you learned later in life?

• 28:01Speaker 01

  I would say it's recent.

• 28:04Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 28:05Speaker 01

  Yeah. I think the, I have been training in some types of meditation and mindfulness, and the idea of impermanence is always very big in Buddhism. So the idea that we really have right now, and the future is quite uncertain, that is a way to really live more fully right now, in the moment, in this day, in this month, and not just take it for granted.

• 28:32Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 28:33Speaker 01

  And I will say, I do think that dealing with

• 28:39Speaker 01

  Other things that make, that make me, well, the climate crisis for one, you know, we've been dealing with a lot, and you have down here too, of realizing how fragile the planet is and how if we want to be of service, we can't just go toward this negative gloom and doom view, but like how reframe it as purpose, how amazing to be alive, we can choose to do something in our local sphere where we have power and influence, and that's what it's about, and the ripples from that.

• 29:12Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, you mentioned earlier about self-worth and how to keep our self-worth even when we're dealing with stress. How does someone keep their confidence up, their self-worth intact, their identity full, when they're dealing with toxic stress? Is it even possible?

• 29:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, you know, it's a great question. The idea of feeling like we are only as good as, and we need the next thing to keep feeling good about ourself, good as our performance or what we can, you know, acquire, etc. That, those are all very, very strong messages that we all get from society, and that is something that we can cut through and just realize that we have inherent worth. Some of the ways of doing that, there's some really interesting stress research showing that, like, if you're about to, let's say, play, you know, in a competitive basketball game, and everyone, and your value and your role,

• 30:17Speaker 01

  your identity is as this is what I'm good at, this is what people care about, about me, and so that's an incredible level of threat and stress, and, you know, you've dealt with this as a professional athlete, and performers deal with this, and so...

• 30:35Speaker 01

  Even, you know, a student who has a test and whose identity as I'm, you know, going to excel in academia will have the same kind of threat. This is what I care about most. This is, you know, how I define my worth. So here's a hack for that. You can write, remind yourself, or write it out, what you value in life. Write your values. That's only going to be one of them, this one area of life. And social roles that you fill, that you care about. Friend, parent, being, you know, a team player, taking care of an animal. Whatever it is that makes you feel purpose, that makes you feel good about life, that

• 31:20Speaker 01

  you value, those are part of our identity. Our identity is vast and diffuse, but when we think all the eggs are in one basket and if I do well, it's catastrophic.

• 31:29Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 31:30Speaker 01

  So we can fight that. So research has done all these clever studies where they have people write out their values, right before a stressful event or a test. And people, it actually arms them so that their ego is not threatened. Their ego is all of a sudden this big, complex social identity that you can't just poke through based on this one.

• 31:48Lewis Howes?

  When you have your values.

• 31:49Speaker 01

  When you are aware and list your values and it's not just this one area of what you've been trying to, you know, perform or show.

• 31:59Lewis Howes?

  Yes, not like a skill that you have, that you're known for.

• 32:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:03Lewis Howes?

  And shape, that is your identity, but also the social roles that you care about, those values as well.

• 32:09Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 32:09Lewis Howes?

  What happens if we don't have values? How more susceptible to experiencing stress are we?

• 32:16Speaker 01

  So if we're just thinking, this is all that matters in my life at this moment, then we're also thinking, I won't survive this if I do badly. So it's this survival threat. We all have values. We just haven't identified them necessarily. So like I have a list in the book of like, you know, which of these 10 values, you know, choose three that are important to you or write your own. And so, you know, you'll see like caring about nature or being, you know, having religion or spirituality. And there's just all sorts of roles that we play and things we care about that are actually really important about who we are and they remind us of our inherent worth.

• 32:54Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 32:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:56Lewis Howes?

  How would you say we start to develop a stronger mindset to be able to manage and take on more stress?

• 33:02Speaker 01

  Well, that's it. No one's ever asked me that. How can we take on more stress?

• 33:06Lewis Howes?

  What if we take on stress better? Either one.

• 33:11Lewis Howes?

  Because I feel like, well, the reason why I'm asking that is because I feel like if someone develops a big mission for their life, a big purpose, it doesn't mean it's just going to be this easy process. If you're going for something bigger. If you're like, I want to take on ending, you know, the suffering in humanity, or whatever it is, you know, ending hunger, or whatever, something. If you're taking on a big purpose, not saying that's what you have to do, but for someone that wants to take on a big purpose, it doesn't mean everything's going to be easy. You know, there's going to be challenges and adversities you face. So if someone does want to do that, how can they strengthen their mind to manage and handle the amounts of stress that could potentially come?

• 33:54Speaker 01

  Yeah. I love that question. I will attempt to give you an answer, and I would love to hear your answer too. Because you have taken on empires, or, you know, different challenges in your stages. So I feel like when we get really passionate and committed to, you know, big vision, we need both the muscle of I am the lion, I am, you know, empowering statements that are grandiose and energize us and make us feel like we are, we have the resources, we can do this. And we need the acceptance and letting go that

• 34:39Speaker 01

  we don't control the big outcome. We only control our efforts and our responses right now. So it's this kind of dynamic of like controlling what you can and, you know, with the positive stress and the adrenaline, as well as the letting go part of the time of the outcome. So we've learned this from activists, so it reminds me of like what I've learned about climate activists, and there is a lot of burnout. And there is a lot of beautiful coping by basically dwelling in the communal action with others that you care about.

• 35:20Lewis Howes?

  We're in this together.

• 35:21Speaker 01

  You can't do it alone. Like, it's completely about team building and relationships. And that brings the joy of like this communal activity. There's something called, you know, collective efficacy or communal efficacy. So we think so much about like, do I have the confidence? Do I have the power? That's important, but really, if you're trying to do a heavy lift, it's like, do we together believe we can do this?

• 35:46Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 35:47Speaker 01

  And because you have, you're not alone, it's like a magnified synergistic collective efficacy.

• 35:53Lewis Howes?

  Interesting. Okay.

• 35:54Speaker 01

  And that can go a long ways.

• 35:55Lewis Howes?

  Right. So be the lion, is that part of your?

• 35:58Speaker 01

  That's part of the.

• 35:59Lewis Howes?

  The prescription?

• 36:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:01Lewis Howes?

  The seven days?

• 36:02Speaker 01

  Yeah. So, you know, part of that is this idea that you can, you know, the lion's chasing the gazelle and the gazelle is having this fear response and the lion is having this really adrenaline-driven positive stress response that she's gonna have this great meal. And so, there's all this, you know, anticipation of reward. So that's quite different than the threat response.

• 36:24Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 36:24Speaker 01

  And so, thinking about like, can we refocus on, instead of like, what might go wrong, what we'll lose, we're not good enough, to feeling hopeful, enthusiastic, confident? Like, those, all those emotions that go along with that adrenaline.

• 36:41Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 36:42Speaker 01

  And that whole mindset shift is actually changing physiology too. It can help us actually have a stress response that we call the challenge response, where more blood is going to the brain.

• 36:51Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 36:52Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yes. I mean, that's what you do.

• 36:53Lewis Howes?

  That's the be the lion mentality, right?

• 36:56Speaker 01

  Yeah. So when you perform, I mean, I'm dying to hear about like, what that's, how you manage that, that the stress of, yeah, everyone's watching you and you can't make a mistake and.

• 37:08Lewis Howes?

  I look at it as exciting. I look at it as more of exciting and I train myself to be excited about the opportunity because I feel like.

• 37:17Lewis Howes?

  Pressure is a privilege in certain levels, in certain arenas of life. Not in all areas, but in certain levels of performance, pressure is a privilege. To be able to have a stage to speak on in front of thousands of people is a privilege. And the opportunity for that stress, that potential to like something to go wrong, right? And so, the excitement around at the preparing stage, the strategy stage about how's the speech gonna go? Or whatever it might be, or a big interview or something where like now is the moment. It's a privilege to be able to sit across you or some great athlete or whatever it might be, to be able to have a conversation. So it's preparing, it's visualizing, and then it's being, oh, what do I need to say right now?

• 38:01Lewis Howes?

  What could I say that could get someone to be like, wow, I've never been asked that question before? Or sharing a response they've never shared before. It's like something for me where this is gold in the moment. And for me, that's exciting. And it also means, it also means that you could mess up and you could not do as well. So you've gotta be sharp, you've gotta be excited and anticipating something going good. So for me, that's the way I think about it.

• 38:29Lewis Howes?

  And, yeah, it's just really about the exciting feelings as opposed to feeling, ruminating on the nervousness or what could go wrong.

• 38:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, beautiful. Total exemplary of lion versus gazelle. So like when we are feeling the fear state, we're like, okay, my heart's pumped, you know? Like I feel the stress, this is not good, right? So then we stress about stress, we're not gonna do well. So rather than feeling, focusing on all of the risks and what could go wrong, we can actually view that stress response as like, this is exciting, my body's excited, my body is energizing. My mind and my brain and oxygenating it. And that whole reframe to the stress response is here to help me. It's going to help me cope. It's going to help me go better. That goes a long way. Like in lots of studies, people perform better.

• 39:23Speaker 01

  They recover from stress more quickly. If they're saying those things. They're just reframing what our body does to help us.

• 39:31Lewis Howes?

  And what's the values affirmation? Is there an affirmation that you say to yourself in that process? Or?

• 39:39Speaker 01

  So I would say that the affirmation is right before we're preparing to do something or perform. We want those kind of self-worth statements that remind us, I got this. And we can also do that for other people. And it's very.

• 39:55Lewis Howes?

  It's like being a positive coach to yourself or someone else.

• 39:57Speaker 01

  You know, it's our beliefs matter. Our body listens. So yes, so those are kind of the positive affirmations. The values is really just like have a list. It's a one, you can do it one-time thing. Have a list of your values. Remind yourself so that you're not just how well the startup does defines your value in life, etc.

• 40:17Lewis Howes?

  Got you. Not being defined by that.

• 40:19Speaker 01

  Now, what about when you're in football? Like right before you're performing? Like, how did you manage that intense stress?

• 40:29Lewis Howes?

  I just try to keep preparing. You know, I try to prepare all week for the moment or whatever. And so I would be putting that energy towards preparation or visualization. So if I felt nervous, like if the team was coming out on the field and they look very intimidating. And I'm already on the field or whatever with my team. And I'm thinking, oh, these guys look really good. They look sharp in their warmups. They look tight. They look strong. I just go back into, as opposed to focusing on them, I go back into my preparation. Into my routine, into my practice, into just focusing on what I can control. And doing the best I can do in that moment.

• 41:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:05Lewis Howes?

  Because if I worry about how good they are constantly and not focus on, okay, but I'm pretty good too. So let me just give my best. It's going to be hard for me to get into a flow state.

• 41:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:17Lewis Howes?

  If I'm just worried, you can't really get into flow.

• 41:19Speaker 01

  Right. I love that. And, you know, the social comparison is toxic. It's said that the comparison is the thief of joy. Yeah. And threat. And you're the promoter of threat states.

• 41:33Lewis Howes?

  You talk about training for resilience.

• 41:36Speaker 01

  Uh huh.

• 41:36Lewis Howes?

  How should we train so we don't over stress?

• 41:40Speaker 01

  Uh huh. So it's partly preparing for the hot moments like we were talking about, kind of arming ourselves with reminding ourself of our inherent self-worth besides how we do in this. Reframing, you know, get keeping perspective of that whatever happens is not going to be determining my future in five years. The answer to that's usually no. So there's those, also those like pump me up challenge statements. Those are powerful. There's lots of those. You develop those. You carry them around in your, you know, wallet or post it or phone and use those as needed beforehand. But there's also building stress resilience when we think we're relaxed and nothing's

• 42:24Speaker 01

  happening because often, like you said, we have these, we may have negative self-critical thoughts so we don't even notice because they're habitual or stored up stress in our body from trauma and we can work with those and reduce the level of stress that we're carrying around at our baseline on daily basis down.

• 42:44Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 42:45Speaker 01

  And how can we do that? So we talked about stress fitness. So like hot, cold, extreme breathing, exercise. So like we work out our nervous system. And then there's also the low arousal or relaxation strategies. And so we need both and those are, I think we can do better than relaxation. I think we, we think about leisure activities and like, okay, relaxed. But have you, how, how deep was it? Like have you really had deep-

• 43:13Lewis Howes?

  Restorative stress.

• 43:14Speaker 01

  Restorative, yeah.

• 43:15Lewis Howes?

  What is the difference between relaxing and restoring?

• 43:17Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yes, there is a difference. So relaxing is nothing's being demanded of us. We might be watching a game, doing something enjoyable and we're probably multitasking. We're probably tense like, like right now. Am I, like, yeah, my shoulders are tense and, and I don't have to be, I can actually notice and release tension in my body.

• 43:47Speaker 01

  And I actually feel better immediately. And so we can do those check-ins.

• 43:51Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 43:52Speaker 01

  So relaxing is important. And we probably don't get enough of that, but we really don't get much of the restorative breaks. And those tend to be the privilege of doing mind-body exercises, retreats, yoga, meditation, massage. Those are like incredible for basically letting our body, turning off our stress responses and our immune system fighting and letting, turning on the cleanup crew in our cells and really restoring our cell age. So I've been studying retreats. And many of us have studied meditation retreats. It's just as an extreme example. I know not everyone can go on a retreat. But when we look at like what happens in the cell during retreats,

• 44:37Speaker 01

  the amount of activity towards stress and fighting things with our immune system goes way down, like dramatically down after, let's say, five days.

• 44:48Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 44:49Speaker 01

  And that also means we're also increasing our ability to restore and clean our cells. So we're getting rid of junk. Our mitochondria are able to regenerate. So that's, you know, that's the battery, that's energy. And so we've done that with retreat sites. We found whether you meditated or not, you're still having this beautiful change in, increase in restoration. No work, no phones, no computers.

• 45:16Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 45:17Speaker 01

  That's rare, right? On vacation, we're even on the phone. And so just being able to self-impose the small breaks is a big deal for us in our modern stressful day.

• 45:26Lewis Howes?

  Right, that's restoring. That's not just relaxing, right?

• 45:29Speaker 01

  That's restoring. Restoring is inwardly focused, very... We have to feel safe. We can engage in something, moving meditation, yoga, an audio, a nature walk.

• 45:46Speaker 01

  What's happening regardless of what we're doing is that our breathing is slowing. And our parasympathetic nervous system turns on. So it's that kind of triad of you have to feel like you can, your body can turn off its defenses. You have to feel safe, so probably not in the middle of the city. And then you can, your breathing naturally slows. And then our physiology has its turn to switch gears toward restoration. Now, the breathing is just a direct way to get there. I think that we underutilize breathing, slow breathing. And it's like within minutes, we can actually reduce some of the vigilance we carry in our body.

• 46:25Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, the minutes of breathing, yeah. What is this concept of starting full and ending full?

• 46:31Speaker 01

  We, you know, I've so, for so many years focused on stress and trauma and kind of that dark side and how bad it is for us. And, or at least the chronic stress. And there is this whole other world of research that, that has focused on aspects of emotional well-being. And that is the things we're talking about like purpose and gratitude and positive emotion and just feeling satisfied with life. Like those are all important psychological constructs that we study and have a really, a lot of data behind them showing like, ooh, these are promoting longevity, these are protecting us from depression.

• 47:13Speaker 01

  And these may be reducing inflammation and slowing aging. So rather than just focusing on stress, you know, the stressors are gonna happen. We're going to try to, you know, view them in a healthy, positive way. We're gonna try to have rest. But can we amp up the amount of joy that we have? Because that also is kind of a game changer for, we're not even gonna feel as much stress if we're focusing on the positive.

• 47:40Lewis Howes?

  If you fill yourself with joy, you'll feel a lot less stress.

• 47:42Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 47:43Lewis Howes?

  If you're full of joy.

• 47:44Speaker 01

  Right.

• 47:44Lewis Howes?

  Enthusiasm, excitement, passion.

• 47:47Speaker 01

  And so often, instead of like waiting for like, okay, once I get that promotion, or I'm able to buy this, or I'm able to go there, I'm gonna be happy. It's really like, what's actually in front of us in our day? What are we grateful for? So there's ways to actually turn on the light and view the world around us. And the beauty of nature, feeling awe, feeling grateful for things. We don't really spend much time, as a society, doing that. It's very easy to complain about, you know, ask someone how they are and they, you know, we tend to talk about what's stressful. But what if we just shifted and, you know, asked like, what, what are you excited about?

• 48:30Speaker 01

  Or what, what are you grateful for? And so we do that at the dinner table sometimes, instead of reviewing like, what was the most stressful thing happening?

• 48:39Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 48:40Speaker 01

  So, yeah, so what are you, like, what brings you joy, Louis?

• 48:44Lewis Howes?

  A lot of things. When I work out, I feel a lot of joy. It's a lot of fun for me. When I play games, when I play cards, board games, when I play sports, when I'm with my girlfriend, with my, with my friends, when I'm going on a trip, when I'm doing an interview, it brings me a lot of joy, when I'm with my team. There's a lot of things that bring me joy.

• 49:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, and you're so in touch with them, like, your list came immediately. Love it, yeah.

• 49:11Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, exactly. I just, I just feel like, again, I have a perspective that I'm really grateful to be here, to be in the position I'm in, to overcome all the challenges that my younger self faced, and to say, oh, you overcame them. Now look what you get to create because you faced a lot of your biggest fears. You overcame the worry, the stress, the anxiety for decades, and now it's the time to reap the rewards of that conquering. Conquering fear, stress, anxiety, because you did the work, because I did the deep and intense work consistently. It wasn't just like one day, it was like every day or weekly, I was doing active work

• 49:52Lewis Howes?

  to improve and to overcome the things that were holding me back, the things that were stealing my joy.

• 49:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:00Lewis Howes?

  And so I feel like I'm really grateful for the work that I've done to get here, and the people that have supported me in getting here as well.

• 50:07Speaker 01

  So that ability to be so in touch with joyful things and to feel like stress is not dominating your life and your day is precious. And it took you years and a lot of daily work. And you talked about lifestyle. Health is built through lifestyle. It's not a one-time thing.

• 50:27Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 50:27Speaker 01

  It's not, "I'm gonna go get my health this week, so I vacation."

• 50:30Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 50:31Speaker 01

  And that is really how I think about stress management. It is really this daily nudges and balance. So like waking up and asking, "What am I looking forward to today? What am I grateful for today?" Having some, you know, of that body stress, having some spaciousness. It's that balance. Like, we need that so much. If we're not actively doing a few of those nudges, we are going to be compressed and shaped by daily stress.

• 50:57Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 50:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:58Lewis Howes?

  What do you mean, "shamed" by daily stress?

• 51:00Speaker 01

  Shaped, sorry.

• 51:00Lewis Howes?

  Oh, shaped, okay.

• 51:01Speaker 01

  We're going to be, um, living with too much daily stress. We just don't need to be. And so we, it's a shame, you know, that I think our information overload and the news we're always getting and the personal dramas, the daily drama that we'll always have on and off, that those conspire together to make us so much more miserable than we need to be. And so we're rushing and we're not connecting with people and really stepping back and reflecting on, "What is my purpose here?"

• 51:33Lewis Howes?

  Yes. What is the science behind drama, gossip, and criticizing others? Or having jealousy about others? Speaking about others? Gossiping, drama, you know, watching drama? How does the science play into how much that causes stress in someone when you engage in those activities?

• 51:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's, um, a, it's a really good question. And I think I don't have a great answer, except for doing all of that. First of all, we're influenced by those around us. So we can be emanating not, or sorry, we can be role modeling.

• 52:17Speaker 01

  Focusing at a higher level on what matters in life and not talking about other people. And so being around people who are always talking about other people, we either leave it or we engage in it. And at the core of it, I think, is unhappiness. And so that social comparison of maybe that will make me feel better if I criticize someone about something else. So there's this, you know, unsatisfactory sense of self.

• 52:45Lewis Howes?

  Sure, interesting. Is there a level, is there any research around like how that causes a lot of stress in the body? Or is it not a lot of research on like gossiping and criticizing others, how that affects you?

• 52:59Speaker 01

  There is research on quality relationships.

• 53:02Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 53:03Speaker 01

  And the higher quality relationships are supportive and there's less of criticism and conflict and I, you know, kind of scornful contempt or eye rolling. So in marriage, in marriage studies, all of those negative things predict divorce. And being able to like support and laugh and be in the moment with someone is a quality relationship.

• 53:31Lewis Howes?

  Sure, sure. Because I feel like people stress a lot in their relationships, their intimate relationships.

• 53:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 53:37Lewis Howes?

  And it seems like people don't know how to resolve conflict in a conscious way.

• 53:45Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 53:45Lewis Howes?

  And they hold on to it and then they ruminate on it and then they blame for so long and that causes a lot of stress.

• 53:50Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 53:51Lewis Howes?

  Have you worked with people who have been able to overcome stress in relationships and have peaceful relationships? And if so, what has been their process?

• 54:01Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm. This is the realm of relationship therapy. I really think it's hard to change relationships and it's definitely possible. And I love the work of John and Julie Gottman, who are relationship therapists. And it's really, again, comes down to some of the daily Acknowledging, seeing supportive statements. And not something, you know, huge that they need to do together, but really just changing the in the moment dynamic.

• 54:35Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 54:35Speaker 01

  And so it's similar to the idea of reducing stress by being present for people, appreciating them, showing gratitude and not, you know, holding back when you want to express love or gratitude. Like, don't just feel it, but say it. Text someone, say it publicly, put it on social media. Just creating that kind of cloud of contagious positive emotion and role modeling, really.

• 55:01Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 55:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, and you asked me earlier, what, uh, what brings me joy?

• 55:08Lewis Howes?

  Joy.

• 55:08Speaker 01

  And I, um, I should probably try to answer that.

• 55:16Speaker 01

  So it's the, I, I love working with people on a common goal and just the energy that you get from that. And yet, you know, deadlines can be part of that. That really, you know, synergizes the synchronicity in the, in the group and the energy. But it's more just feeling like you have a, you know, common purpose that you're each contributing to. And there's this, you know, regenerative joy in research because we all, it's team science. It's like a sport, you know? We all do, we all play our role and then it comes together. And I just love that. And I would say that my, I absolutely love

• 55:59Speaker 01

  the, um, low arousal calm states that come with all the mind body practices and retreats. And those really help regenerate me. And I don't love the hormetic stressors, the cold stress, and, and I need it. And so, you know, I try to push myself toward that and get more of a balance.

• 56:18Lewis Howes?

  You don't like the cold or the hot therapy or the?

• 56:20Speaker 01

  Hot I could take.

• 56:22Lewis Howes?

  Cold you don't like.

• 56:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:23Lewis Howes?

  You're tiny, it's harder to keep yourself warm.

• 56:26Speaker 01

  Small mammal, right?

• 56:27Lewis Howes?

  The heat, you could sit in all day.

• 56:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:30Lewis Howes?

  Like my girlfriend, yeah, she gets cold so quick, but she loves the heat. I'm like, it's too hot for me, I don't even want to be in the cold.

• 56:37Lewis Howes?

  What are you most grateful about in your life right now?

• 56:40Speaker 01

  You talked about how it's a privilege to be able to do the work you do. And I definitely feel that. I love being able to work on social issues and climate change. And I mean, I wrote the book because like we publish articles in journals and no one ever sees them. And there's so many great foundational findings that help us feel less suffering. And you know, not just, I really just looked across the field and said, okay, what do we really know well? And it doesn't matter who the research is by. It's not all my research. It's really the foundational things that we shouldn't forget, that we can all do at home every day.

• 57:23Speaker 01

  And so it's hard to be practical when you're a researcher because

• 57:30Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 57:31Speaker 01

  Nothing is ever like 100% proven, but this is like really solid.

• 57:35Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 57:36Speaker 01

  Like the things that I talk about are, you know, have a lot of research behind them. And so like one of the, one of the tips is on going out in nature. And actually, I just learned so much. Like I love nature, but I was never really aware of why and all the effects it had on my body. And there's just this huge calming effect, being part of something that's bigger than you. Makes your worries shrink and reduces blood pressure and cortisol. And other countries like use this as a prescription for high blood pressure. So anyway, it's been, it's fun to not just do research, but to like share findings and hope that it helps people. That's the whole point.

• 58:16Lewis Howes?

  That's great.

• 58:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:18Lewis Howes?

  Speaking of suffering, in your research and findings, what would you say are the main things that can support ending suffering? Or is it possible, impossible to end suffering?

• 58:29Speaker 01

  I think it's impossible. And, well, I guess I should ask you more what you mean about suffering. Do you mean like

• 58:37Lewis Howes?

  Inner suffering. Inner suffering. Not like suffering in the world that's

• 58:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 58:42Lewis Howes?

  You know, that people might be suffering in ways that they're victims too, but I mean, our own inner suffering.

• 58:48Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm. Yeah. And so self-critical thoughts, anxiety, depression?

• 58:54Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 58:55Speaker 01

  Okay. Very good question. I think that we can suffer a lot less than we do. And part of it is becoming aware of those wounds that you were describing. Like, we have wounds, we have traumas, even intergenerationally, that we might not have really realized have come into our family and culture through either environment or epigenetics. And so, we all have healing to do. And we also, we certainly have a lot in, you know, the outer world, too. And there is, just the way our mind works.

• 59:39Speaker 01

  I think that the negative emotions, like sadness and anxiety and anger, are not suffering. Those are information. And we want to welcome those and notice them and name them. And that, like, helps us understand our responses in the world and what we should do next. So, negative emotions are not suffering. It's when they get too out of hand and unbalanced and they're not reflecting reality, they're kind of taking on a world of their own, then that's when we, you know, think of it as more of a disorder and that we really want to treat it. But the self-critical thoughts, it's amazing just how common they are, particularly in Westerners and Americans.

• 1:00:22Lewis Howes?

  And why do you think we beat ourselves up so much with these self-critical thoughts?

• 1:00:27Speaker 01

  It may be that we're trying to criticize ourself before someone else can. So, it's a self-protective mechanism. We don't want to be projected and criticized. And so, we do it ourselves. And we kind of keep ourselves from trying opportunity, you know, it's a self-handicap. We don't, we don't reach for that big north star when we're full of those self-limiting thoughts, really.

• 1:00:52Speaker 01

  It's helpful sometimes to ask, whose voice is that? Is that a parent, a caregiver, a sibling, a teacher? And it's helpful because often those were conditioned early. And if we can recognize the source, we can make more sense of it and say, "Okay, I hear you, but I don't need to listen."

• 1:01:12Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah. I feel like when people can learn to overcome that and use it as information and shift it to a positive affirmation, you know, going back to the values that you have as a human being as opposed to being critical and needing to look perfect all the time, it'll create more peace inside of us, right?

• 1:01:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:32Lewis Howes?

  I don't know, that's probably...

• 1:01:32Speaker 01

  Absolutely, absolutely. I mean, just that having self-compassion when we're beating ourselves up and knowing that this is a common human experience, this is how our mind works, that is an important step.

• 1:01:45Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 1:01:46Speaker 01

  Another one can be reframing that self-critical inner voice as a friendly assistant. And I got this from my friend, Dara Westrop, who's a fabulous therapist. Because this voice is to protect us and it thinks it's doing good, right? It's our friendly assistant that might always be with us. And so we can talk to it and say, "Thank you. I know you're trying to help, but not now." And, you know, just thank the friendly assistant and dismiss it. It'll still be there, but you don't have to listen to it.

• 1:02:20Lewis Howes?

  Sure. Thank it and move on. Is there anything else that you would add to supporting people in overcoming stress and having more joy and ease in their life?

• 1:02:31Speaker 01

  I think a lot of what you teach and talk about, and now I've had the pleasure of hearing some of the, you know, empowering greatness. It's like, wow. I mean, I'm in this mental health world that's more focused on like, you know, doom and suffering and trauma. It's like, that is biologically active. Like, those lessons, those mind shifts, those ways of empowering ourselves. And there might not be research behind them, but we know that our beliefs are shaping our biology so much. So I kind of view a lot of what you do is also, you know, relieving stress and biologically reducing like the inflammaging, the pathway of, you know, that leads from stress to aging.

• 1:03:14Lewis Howes?

  Inflammaging, is that what you call it?

• 1:03:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, we call it inflammaging, yeah. So...

• 1:03:19Lewis Howes?

  What is inflammaging?

• 1:03:21Speaker 01

  Inflammaging is the, putting together those two words because as we age, we get more inflamed and we get more inflammation rising in our blood. It's a natural part of aging, but it does not have to occur with a steep curve. We can kind of keep it down. And everything we've been talking about, the different lifestyles, so exercise, an anti-inflammatory diet, which is basically Mediterranean diet, reducing stress, all of those keep inflammation down. So it's really, again, goes back to this kind of daily, can we have a balanced lifestyle? Can we get enough sleep? And any of those physical stressors or psychological stressors are kind of pushing us towards inflammation.

• 1:04:02Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 1:04:03Speaker 01

  So I want to thank you for the School of Greatness because I've learned a lot from your podcast.

• 1:04:10Lewis Howes?

  Thanks.

• 1:04:11Speaker 01

  And I really do think it's health promoting.

• 1:04:13Lewis Howes?

  I appreciate it. That's my goal. My goal to spread a positive message. I've got a couple of final questions for you.

• 1:04:22Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:04:23Lewis Howes?

  But I want people to get your book, The Stress Prescription: Seven Days to More Joy and Ease. I'm just a big believer that the work you're doing, the research you've done for so long is so supportive and helpful for so many of us. And you give it to us in this book in an easy prescribed way that everyone can apply. So I really acknowledge you for how you, you know, continue to show up, continue to do the research and do the work in the papers and the books to serve us with your wisdom and with your experience. So I really appreciate that.

• 1:04:55Speaker 01

  Thank you so much.

• 1:04:56Lewis Howes?

  So people can get the book at your website, alisaepple.com. I'll have it all linked up, or you can go to Amazon and everything else. Alyssa, this is a question I ask everyone at the end called the three truths. So imagine a hypothetical scenario. It's your last day on earth, many years away. You've eliminated inflammaging for as long as you can, and so you've lived a very, very long, healthy life. And you've accomplished the things you want to accomplish and experienced the experiences you wanted to. But it's the last day for you in this hypothetical scenario. And you've got to take all of your written work with you. All of your written work, your books, your papers, this interview, videos, any content of you that you've created has to go, for whatever reason.

• 1:05:41Speaker 01

  Has to disappear from Earth?

• 1:05:42Lewis Howes?

  Yes, it leaves this Earth. You've got to take it somewhere, it's got to go somewhere else.

• 1:05:45Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:05:46Lewis Howes?

  Hypothetically. So no one has access to your information anymore.

• 1:05:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:05:51Lewis Howes?

  But you get to leave behind three lessons that you've learned, that you would share with the world, and we do get to keep this. I call it the three truths. What would be those three truths for you?

• 1:06:03Speaker 01

  So, one is

• 1:06:08Speaker 01

  to be filled with love, compassion, and gratitude for this body and mind, realizing how connected they are and how much our thoughts matter. Number two, realizing how much we are connected to each other in so many ways, emotion, contagion, and love and caring. And then, third, how much we're connected to the planet. We're just animals in clothes, and we think we're disconnected and we're, you know, in these buildings, and so we don't really feel connected to nature.

• 1:06:51Speaker 01

  But realizing that connection and that dependence, right, on taking care of Earth as well, with the same love, caring, compassion, gratitude.

• 1:07:02Lewis Howes?

  That's beautiful, yeah.

• 1:07:03Speaker 01

  So, those are connections that we don't always see, but that overarching idea that if we can approach things with a glass half-full, with seeing the miracle, and the miracle of being alive today, and of having this ability to connect, is really precious and beautiful.

• 1:07:28Lewis Howes?

  That's beautiful. I love those. Final question for you, what's your definition of greatness?

• 1:07:36Speaker 01

  Connection.

• 1:07:39Speaker 01

  Not just within an individual, but actually what we can do through connection.

• 1:07:45Lewis Howes?

  There you go. Listen, thanks so much. Appreciate it. I hope today's episode inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a rundown of today's show with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me as well as ad-free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel on Apple Podcast. If you enjoyed this, please share it with a friend over on social media or text a friend, leave us a review over on Apple Podcast and let me know what you learned over on our social media channels at Lewis Howes. I really love hearing the feedback from you and it helps us continue to make the show better. And if you want more inspiration from our world-class guests and content to learn how to improve the quality

• 1:08:29Lewis Howes?

  of your life, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com/newsletter. And if no one has told you today, I want to remind you that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.