Michelle Obama Opens Up: Her Struggle To Feel Like She's “Enough,” Mental Health in the White House & Lessons from Childhood w/ Craig Robinson

Leave an Amazon Rating or Review for my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Michelle Obama and her brother Craig Robinson reveal how growing up in a tiny Chicago apartment shaped their values and outlook on life. From Craig "vetting" Barack Obama during a pickup basketball game to Michelle navigating the pressures of the White House, their conversation uncovers how family bonds grounded them through extraordinary circumstances. What makes this sibling dynamic special isn't just their impressive achievements but their authentic connection - Craig bringing lightness and joy while Michelle delivers wisdom and perspective. Their shared belief that "home is about who's there, not where you are" resonates deeply as they explain how they raised confident children amid extreme privilege and spotlight by teaching them that success comes from character, not circumstance. IMO PodcastMichelle’s book BecomingMichelle’s book The Light We Carry: Overcoming in Uncertain TimesCraig on InstagramMichelle on InstagramIn this episode you will learn:Why basketball became the ultimate character test when Michelle asked Craig to play pickup with Barack Obama before their relationship got seriousHow their parents "coached confidence" decades before it became popular, building them up rather than breaking them downThe surprising way Michelle and Barack maintained their mental health during White House stress by coaching their daughter's basketball teamWhy Michelle feels more confident at 61 than ever before despite asking herself "am I good enough?" throughout her careerThe counterintuitive parenting approach that helped them raise grounded children despite White House privilegeFor more information go to https://www.lewishowes.com/1767For more Greatness text PODCAST to +1 (614) 350-3960More SOG episodes we think you’ll love:Venus Williams – greatness.lnk.to/1591SCMuniba Mazari – greatness.lnk.to/1684SCJason Wilson – greatness.lnk.to/1725SC Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Lewis Howes?

  Welcome back, my friend. We have some big guests today. Former First Lady Michelle Obama and her big brother Craig Robinson are on the School of Greatness to really open up and share in ways they've never shared before. Both of them dive in deep about growing up in a small Chicago apartment together with parents who instilled unwavering confidence in them. And Michelle and Craig offer powerful insights on building self-belief, raising grounded children amid privilege, and maintaining your core values through life's most extreme challenges. In this conversation, they discuss navigating the pressures of the White House while remaining authentic to themselves

• 0:43Lewis Howes?

  and their perspectives on emotional regulation during high-stress situations. Also, Michelle's reflection on finding her deepest confidence at 61 is especially inspiring from my experience in this interview, proving that self-discovery is a lifelong journey. And throughout the conversation, we have a ton of fun, some really interesting conversation about Craig sharing how he played basketball with Barack Obama, and he had to pass the basketball character test before Michelle would continue dating him. Also, a story about how he played with Barack and Michael Jordan around the same time, which was kind of interesting. Michelle talking about the importance of emotional regulation

• 1:24Lewis Howes?

  and staying in the pocket during extreme highs and extreme lows, and how she's been able to maintain this calm, cool, emotional state through all the ups and downs over the last 30 years. Why Michelle feels more confident now than ever before. And also, finally, answering the question, "Am I good enough?" She reflects on her time right now in therapy and all the lessons that she's been experiencing and learning about with herself and reflecting on the past 10, 20, 30 years. The whole conversation is inspiring. They both share things I've never heard them share before, and I'm so excited for you to hear this conversation.

• 2:07Lewis Howes?

  Again, make sure to share this with one or two friends that you know, someone that you want to inspire, someone that you care about. Send them a link to this episode and make sure to follow Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson. We'll have their social media and their podcast linked up. On the description of this episode. I'm so excited about this. I hope you enjoy. Let me know your thoughts online. When you listen, please share it with a friend. And without further ado, let's dive into this episode with Craig Robinson and the former First Lady, Michelle Obama. Welcome everyone to the School of Greatness. We have Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson in the house. Thank you guys for being here. Very excited.

• 2:48Speaker 01

  Thanks for having us.

• 2:49Lewis Howes?

  Thank you. This is awesome. Excited. Very excited. You're in a brand new studio, the School of Greatness.

• 2:54Speaker 01

  Beautiful.

• 2:54Lewis Howes?

  Elegant. Beautiful, elevated. We've got an amazing team that helped set this up. And one of the things that, right, fake fireplace going over here. I started the School of Greatness 12 years ago because I wanted to learn the lessons that I feel like I didn't learn in school.

• 3:11Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 3:11Lewis Howes?

  That I wanted to learn how to overcome insecurity, how to deal with failure, how to deal with navigating intimate breakups and getting into relationships consciously and all these things that school didn't teach me. You guys both went to Ivy League schools and you have done incredible things since college. But what I'm curious about is what is one lesson each one of you has taught each other as adults that you didn't learn in school? Craig, I'll start with you. The biggest lesson that Michelle has taught you as an adult that you didn't learn in school?

• 3:46Speaker 01

  I will tell you,

• 3:49Speaker 01

  I've learned a lot from my sister and you know, people, now that she's iconic, people think that my sister is older than me, but she is really 20 months younger than I am. And she is so full of wisdom, I could probably tick off about four or five different things.

• 4:09Speaker 01

  But recently, in the not, in the recent past here, you said to me to make sure, because I, I, I have four children, two adult kids, but I have a 15 and a 13 year old. And I am, as she will tell you, I'm the charter member of the ODC, which is the Old Dads Club.

• 4:32Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 4:33Speaker 01

  And being a charter member, you're continuously parenting. And she said, To me, make sure that you're taking your wife out on dates.

• 4:47Speaker 01

  And, you know, my wife is a coach's wife, so she's used to handling 20 kid, 20 student athletes at a time, you know, or 20 people in our house at a time and not saying a word about what her needs are.

• 5:02Lewis Howes?

  Putting herself last.

• 5:03Speaker 01

  Putting herself last, like a lot of women do, like most women do, I can even say that. And it was such nice advice to hear from her because it enabled me to do it before my wife had to ask me to do it. And it was, it's really, and we.

• 5:22Speaker 02

  I talked to Kelly now, she'd say, you're doing it.

• 5:24Speaker 01

  You can, you can check in.

• 5:27Speaker 02

  No, this is really good because.

• 5:29Speaker 01

  Really check and, and we don't do anything but sit and talk about the kids, you know, when we go on these dates, but it's, it's, it's just, it's fun. They're, they're old enough, we can leave them at home on our own. And so she gave me that advice probably about nine months ago, maybe, maybe it was a year and a half ago.

• 5:47Lewis Howes?

  And how has the relationship grown or thrived from that?

• 5:50Speaker 01

  It feels like it's the same, but we're having fun when we go out, you know, we're having fun and, and it also allows us to let the kids sort of have the place to themselves and not tear it up and give them some, give them some rope. And so it's a growth, it's a growth region for all of us. So.

• 6:10Lewis Howes?

  That's a beautiful lesson.

• 6:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's a good lesson.

• 6:12Lewis Howes?

  So what's, Michelle, what's the biggest lesson your brother's taught you about life or anything that you didn't learn in school?

• 6:18Speaker 02

  Craig is, there is such a, a youthful, joyful innocence in him that you, that you've never lost.

• 6:31Speaker 02

  And that creates a lightness, you know, that I think other people feel. I mean, I joke that everyone loves Craig, you know? And I'm among them, right? And if he were a different kind of brother, I'd probably hate him because everybody loved him so much. I teased that my mother loved him more than she loved me. It's like, all I, you know, I'm in the White House. She's living in the White House, you know? When's Craig coming?

• 6:58Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 6:58Speaker 02

  Craig's here, he showed up. We're, you know, we're at his house in Milwaukee, in McQuan, Milwaukee.

• 7:04Lewis Howes?

  McQuan.

• 7:04Speaker 02

  McQuan, somewhere in near off, outside of Milwaukee.

• 7:08Lewis Howes?

  It's cold there, it's hard to speak the words, you know?

• 7:10Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 7:11Lewis Howes?

  It's freezing.

• 7:11Speaker 02

  Exactly. I know, you know.

• 7:13Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 7:13Speaker 02

  And she's raving about the wine he has in Wisconsin. I was like, Mom, you live in the White House. What more do I have to do? I'm First Lady of the United States, right? But any little sister could be resentful. But retaining that joy, retaining that kindling kindness. And he's different as a coach on the bench. Sometimes he scares me and I'm like, who is this dude yelling at these little boys? But I'm trying to hold on and embrace more of that. Because in my line of work, you know, you know, there's a lot of cynicism. There's a, there's, you know, there are a lot of problems.

• 7:54Speaker 02

  There's a lot of in-your-face reasons to, to be less than optimistic. And when I'm around you, Craig, everything is just like wonderful and new. No matter how many times he's seen it, he enters a space with this level of joy and awe-struckness that, you know, it's important to keep.

• 8:22Lewis Howes?

  Did you ever lose that when you were in the White House? Like being in awe of how far you had come and how far you and Barack had, you know, created your lives together or what did it? Did you ever just feel like, oh, this is the norm now and?

• 8:34Speaker 02

  I think we practiced just staying level.

• 8:38Speaker 02

  Not getting too high, not getting too low. I mean, and I think that became a habit. My husband's nature is that. He is very cool, calm, collected. He's an athlete, but he's the slowest walking person I've ever...

• 8:54Lewis Howes?

  No urgency.

• 8:55Speaker 02

  Do you walk that slow?

• 8:56Lewis Howes?

  That island time.

• 8:58Speaker 01

  He's an islander.

• 8:58Lewis Howes?

  Island time.

• 8:59Speaker 01

  There he goes.

• 9:00Speaker 02

  And he's like, why are you walking so fast? It's like, if I walked any slower, I'd be walking backwards. I don't even know how you do it.

• 9:09Speaker 02

  So he has a natural calm. My temperament, I'm a little more fiery. And if I were to let my emotions guide me, if I got too pumped about the good times and too down about the bad times, I'd be a mess. So I think there has been a little of, yeah, that's fine. Yeah, we just did that. Okay, Great Wall of China. All right, what's next? Meeting with the Pope, so good to see you. Let's move on. A private meeting with Nelson Mandela, that was really cool. But okay, now we have to do, you know, it's just because the lows were like, we're mourning kids that were shot, you know?

• 9:49Speaker 02

  We're at a site where people have lost their homes in a horrible tornado. We are grieving with military families. I'm visiting Walter Reed and, you know, in the midst of the war and seeing rooms and rooms full of young men with their legs cut off and young wives with babies wondering, you know, how are they gonna live going forward? I mean, you talk about the peaks and the valleys. And I think getting through that, you just, I've just learned to remain a little unplussed either way, just to get through it. And then in comes Missy, whoa, wow, look at this.

• 10:34Speaker 02

  And it's like, that's so sweet, you know? And there are some times you need to just be like, this is the coolest thing ever. So yeah, I do think that I practiced a little more.

• 10:46Lewis Howes?

  That's so interesting.

• 10:47Speaker 02

  Staying in the pocket.

• 10:49Lewis Howes?

  Because you had to really, it sounds like you had to keep your nervous system steady at all times. Otherwise, the highs and the lows could have made you exhausted emotionally, it sounds like. And as a basketball coach... You have to motivate and keep people steady as well when there's momentum and it's going and when you're down by 20. So did you now, but as siblings, this is actually the first brother sister combo that I've had on the show in 12 years. I've had siblings, but not brother sister. So this is interesting. Were you able to just be her big brother in the height of all this while she was in the White House? Or were you trying to coach her like you would your athletes?

• 11:33Speaker 01

  Oh, I the former because I could not coach her like she's an athlete. Because I'm not saying you're not coachable, but.

• 11:44Lewis Howes?

  It's not in tennis right now.

• 11:47Speaker 01

  No, I was more there for support.

• 11:50Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 11:50Speaker 01

  Right. I was there. I was, I was coaching her up on the side to get her, her spirit up rather than technical things. Here's what you should do. I'd like to think that when we came to town, my, my family, my, my wife Kelly and the kids who came, there was like, all right, it's time for us to have some fun like the old days.

• 12:13Lewis Howes?

  Bring the lightness, the familiarity.

• 12:15Speaker 01

  Yes, yes. Bring the, the normal, the normalcy that we used to have when we were in Chicago, when our mom picked up all four of our kids and took them to one of our houses and we had a barbecue on, you know, Friday night. So that was, I felt that was my role when they were in the White House. And then, you know, I, I would say being able to sit with Barack and watch a basketball game. Although he, he's such a good multitasker. He had so much stuff going on and then have the game on and he would know exactly what's going on in the game while he's doing all this other stuff.

• 12:58Speaker 01

  But it was, it, it, it just was nice to sort of have. Normal family time, albeit in the White House.

• 13:04Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah. Try to make it familiar in an unfamiliar world.

• 13:07Speaker 02

  Ignore all of this.

• 13:08Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 13:08Speaker 02

  Bomb proof class.

• 13:10Lewis Howes?

  I also, I also heard that you asked your brother to play basketball with Barack. Is that right? To like feel out if he's a good guy or if he's.

• 13:18Speaker 01

  Yeah. Well, Louis, you can appreciate this because being an athlete and, and I know you're a football player.

• 13:24Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, I played D three basketball, but not D one.

• 13:27Speaker 01

  This one, I was, I was just gonna say, most football players fashion themselves as.

• 13:31Lewis Howes?

  Of course, I was a basketball player first and then, and then I stopped growing. And I was like, I'm not gonna make it in the NBA, so let me go try football.

• 13:40Speaker 01

  I did. So, so my dad used to, we, my dad and I talked basketball. Now, my dad wasn't a basketball player, but we talked sort of basketball and, and how the game brings out your real character.

• 13:58Lewis Howes?

  It does.

• 13:58Speaker 01

  Especially pickup basketball because you have to call your own calls.

• 14:02Lewis Howes?

  Oh, I know that.

• 14:02Speaker 01

  And so my sister heard us popping off about that. And she said, when they first met, hey, will you take Barack out? Cause I really like this guy. I wanna see if he's really real, if, if, if you like him, based on what you and dad said on the court.

• 14:18Lewis Howes?

  And how long had you known him before that?

• 14:20Speaker 02

  It was the first year, it was the first year that we were dating.

• 14:23Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 14:24Speaker 02

  Because it was like, I like him, he's, he's cute, he's funny, he's smart.

• 14:30Speaker 02

  We're, we're starting to get close, but who is he?

• 14:33Lewis Howes?

  What's his character?

• 14:34Speaker 02

  What's his character like? And I, you know, and when you're with the family and everybody is gonna perform, you know, at Thanksgiving dinner, or if they were just to go out for drinks. I mean, Barack was smart enough to, to know how to, he presents well, right? But it, it wasn't just overhearing them talk about it. I mean, being the sister in a basketball culture, right? I was dragged along to all the sports. I spent my life in gyms.

• 15:03Speaker 01

  Oh, man.

• 15:03Speaker 02

  I was athletic.

• 15:04Speaker 01

  Salty about it.

• 15:05Speaker 02

  But you know, but it was just the norm. We weren't going to cheer him on in a sport because at the time, title. Line hadn't kicked in and even though I was kind of a tomboy, very athletic, there wasn't a place for me to put that energy, nor was it cool for girls to be athletes, especially if you were tall, because everybody assumed that. So I was the sister on the sidelines, got to meet all the cute basketball guys. So I wasn't complaining or anything. But I know sports and I understood the game and I dated people that were on that were on Craig's team. And I'd hear about them, like, how were they in practice? How were they, were they coachable? Were they? So I believe that myself, that, you know, you learn a lot about a man in particular

• 15:49Speaker 02

  and how he engages in the game, right?

• 15:53Lewis Howes?

  100%.

• 15:54Speaker 02

  So I was like, take him out.

• 15:56Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 15:56Speaker 02

  And because also Barack said he was a basketball player.

• 15:59Lewis Howes?

  Like, oh, let's see if he's a real player.

• 16:00Speaker 02

  Yeah, and if you say you're a player, and he didn't talk himself up, but he is a basketball fanatic. And I, I, I kind of wanted to know, was he an athlete, you know?

• 16:10Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, is he really an athlete? Because if he's not, I don't know if I'm gonna...

• 16:13Speaker 02

  I wouldn't mind, I wouldn't have minded if he wasn't, but I would have been suspicious if he had said he was and then he couldn't even dribble the ball.

• 16:20Lewis Howes?

  He talked a big game and he couldn't back it up.

• 16:22Speaker 02

  Exactly.

• 16:23Lewis Howes?

  You know, so wait, so...

• 16:24Speaker 01

  Couldn't even dribble the ball.

• 16:24Lewis Howes?

  So can you walk through the scenario of how this, did you call him and say, hey, let's go hoop it up? Let's play a pickup game, is it 101? What's the scenario?

• 16:32Speaker 01

  Let me start with how she asked.

• 16:34Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 16:34Speaker 01

  She said, hey, I want you to take him out and I want to know what he's really like. And the first thing I said, I'm not doing your dirty work, no. Because I was worried that if he turned out to not be a good basketball player, I'm the one who has to say, oh, no, this guy's a complete jerk.

• 16:51Lewis Howes?

  But you're also, you were Ivy League, like, you know, MVPs, you were a professional, you got drafted.

• 16:56Speaker 01

  Let me get to that.

• 16:57Lewis Howes?

  You were a pro.

• 16:58Speaker 01

  So, listen, that, so, so it would be the guys I worked out with? He, it wouldn't be fair for him. So I said that to her. She was like, oh, come on, please, you gotta do it. So I called up some guys that I knew who were like me, but were, weren't gonna be trying to kill him, right? So, you know, if, if you were in Chicago at the time, I would have called you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I called Arnie Duncan up. I called my friend John Rogers. Athletes, but not like NBA guys. But not the, the summer league guys that I'm working out with. No. And so, so I, I, and I called him up and said, hey, we're playing up at, you know, I forgot where we were, University of Chicago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a funny story.

• 17:43Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. University of Chicago. Okay. Let's, let's go play. He came and it was, we, we start playing and I'm just, you know, we're playing a nice friendly game and it's, it's fine. Is it five on five? Is it two on two? No, it's, it's three on three and four on four half. Half court, okay. Because you know, you can hide in a full court game if you're not good.

• 18:06Speaker 02

  Oh, yeah.

• 18:06Speaker 01

  Cherry pick, he can, yeah. Yeah, half court game, half court game, you have to be engaged or you'll get, you'll get called out. But he was, he was terrific, right? He was a decent player. Um, and I always say he's a left, a real lefty. So he dribbles to his left and shoots with his left hand. You know how some lefties are really right-handed, but they shoot with their left hand.

• 18:29Speaker 02

  Yeah, yeah, like for your audience.

• 18:31Speaker 01

  My best friend Matt is that way. See, see, Louis knows, see? I do. Louis, you know. Yeah, athletes know. The athletes know, but here's what I liked. You know how when you foul a guy, you know you foul a guy? Uh huh. And in a gentleman's game, you just say, hey, your ball, I fouled you. You're not. You call it. Yeah, you call it as the defender. Yes. And he did that. And I was like, that's a really good sign early on. And then the other thing is, he didn't shoot too much, but he didn't pass too much. Like he took the open shots and he passed when he wasn't open. But the thing that really put him over the top was.

• 19:15Speaker 01

  He didn't just pass me the ball knowing I was her brother.

• 19:19Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 19:19Speaker 01

  You know what I mean? Listen, you know how that is, dude, to be like, hey, hey, Craig, you take the shot. And I'm like, oh, come on, man. So I was able to go back and report that the Robinson basketball.

• 19:30Speaker 02

  We got married, so I was.

• 19:32Lewis Howes?

  It worked out. Yeah, yeah.

• 19:33Speaker 02

  The blue report.

• 19:34Lewis Howes?

  Now, here's the thing. If he wasn't.

• 19:36Speaker 02

  I'm just saying, if it hadn't worked out, I might not have kept dating.

• 19:39Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 19:39Speaker 02

  I, you know, I don't know.

• 19:40Lewis Howes?

  If your brother would have said something about, you know, his character was really nasty. Like, he was really mean and getting in fights.

• 19:46Speaker 01

  They wouldn't have gotten married.

• 19:47Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 19:48Speaker 02

  I would have addressed it. I would have, I would have had the conversation. It's like, sorry, I hear you were kind of a jerk on the court. What's that about, right? Why would you do that? Or, you know, I mean, I would have had a discussion and then I probably would have been looking for other signs. He didn't show, he, you know, he, his, the outcome of that pickup game was consistent with what I was seeing.

• 20:09Lewis Howes?

  That's good.

• 20:09Speaker 02

  Right?

• 20:10Lewis Howes?

  His behavior matched his words.

• 20:11Speaker 02

  Exactly, exactly. Um, so it's, and it's continued to be that way.

• 20:16Lewis Howes?

  That's beautiful.

• 20:17Speaker 02

  I mean, Barack is who he appears to be, you know, you know, and he shows up well. He's somebody you want on your team.

• 20:25Lewis Howes?

  That's beautiful.

• 20:26Speaker 02

  And that was, that was important to know in a, as a, as a, as a woman who grew up in sports culture, right? That's important, you know? That's a value that I hold. Um, dear, that's something, that's something I respect, not just in my male friendships, but in all my friendships. Are you who you say you are? Do you show up well? Um, do you, are you a team player?

• 20:50Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 20:50Speaker 02

  Um, so, yeah.

• 20:52Lewis Howes?

  That's beautiful. That's beautiful. Great story. I love that.

• 20:57Lewis Howes?

  But growing up, you know, you guys, I think I heard you say in your podcast, which is an amazing show. I want people to go download it and watch it. But you're talking about you grew up in a one-bedroom apartment together, essentially with like a living room as your guys' bedroom up until you went to high school.

• 21:13Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 21:13Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 21:13Lewis Howes?

  So you shared a room for like 10, 12 years together?

• 21:16Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. We shared a room our whole time growing up.

• 21:20Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 21:21Speaker 01

  Until I went to high school and then we.

• 21:23Speaker 02

  Turned the back porch into a bedroom.

• 21:26Speaker 01

  Yeah. You know, uh, finished it off and enclosed it and insulated it. And that became my.

• 21:32Speaker 02

  Kitchen.

• 21:33Speaker 01

  My bed, my bedroom. But the, I would say our.

• 21:37Speaker 02

  Entire apartment.

• 21:39Speaker 01

  Apartment was as big as this, this Come on. area right here. And that was the kitchen. And in the kitchen had a table, so it wasn't a dining room. Yeah. You come through the hallway, that bathroom would have been right there and the stairs down would have been across. This, which was considered the living room, was really the dining room. Uh huh. But we used it as a living room, one bedroom in there, and then the living room was there. Wow. We use for our bedroom. That's incredible. We started out with our beds head to head like this when we were really little. And then when we got older, my grandfather, my paternal grandfather, Southside, who, um, we called him that because we had a, we, he used to live on the west side.

• 22:21Speaker 01

  We had two grandfathers and we would say, who's, which house are we going to? Was Westside grandpa or Southside grandpa? We'd say Westside, and then he moved to the Southside, so we named him Southside. He built a paneling, a paneled T down the middle of that room. So that turned into one bedroom for me, one bedroom for Meech, and then a, a common room. So yeah, we shared.

• 22:49Speaker 02

  But our father was a, he was a city worker. Yeah, he's a blue collar city worker, worked for the water filtration plant. And we lived off of his salary until I went to high school because my parents thought it was important for my mom to stay home. So in order to make that work, and my father was very financially responsible, even though he didn't earn a lot of money. And they made sacrifices. So their view was, it doesn't matter the size of the house. It's more important for you to have your mother there who is, you know, so we could come home for lunch. And she was a room parent and she knew our friends and, but we didn't have a lot of money. We didn't grow up with stuff.

• 23:32Speaker 02

  And so, you know, when I talk about this with parents, when, you know, you hear young people waiting, it's like, well, I want to make sure I have a 6,000 square foot house and that we have savings for college already lined up before I can even think about getting married. You know, that wasn't what made us who we were, you know? And, and living in that little bitty space with four people in one bathroom, that built character for us and it created a level of closeness and intimacy. And it, it's a reminder to us today that no matter how successful that we get, home is about who's there, not where we are.

• 24:15Speaker 02

  Which was something I had overcome with the idea of moving into the White House, which was amongst my biggest fears when Barack said he was gonna run. I was like, if you win, how, how can we raise a family in that environment? You know, that's, that's not normal to us. That weightiness was not, to me, something that, you know, could sustain a healthy family. And I worried about it, the weight of it.

• 24:41Lewis Howes?

  The weight of it all.

• 24:42Speaker 02

  The weight of it all. But what I came to learn, even in that environment, that it wasn't the house, as big as it is, it was us in that house.

• 24:52Lewis Howes?

  That's so interesting.

• 24:53Speaker 02

  So we had to find a way and, you know, creating family is doing it in a small way. You know, if you think about it, it's like, it's creating closeness. That's why everybody in families, they gather in the kitchen, right? I mean, in real close households, no matter how big the house is, everybody's in the kitchen. Because if they're really talking and wanting to connect, they want to be with each other, right? And it was that way in the White House. We would all wind up gathering this one center space, no matter what was going on, especially if Craig was over, you know? We wanted to be together. So you, you know, it doesn't matter if you have 6,000 square feet or 600 square.

• 25:32Lewis Howes?

  Wow. You know, the kitchen, we gather in the kitchen because we're always hungry, right? You know, it's like, we're always going there, then everyone else follows us. And like, hey, you want to hang out with us, we're in the kitchen. Here's what I'm curious about, Michelle, and both you, both you've had successful careers and made big impacts in the world in your own way. How did you build belief in yourself that you were worthy of the success at such a high level, you as a coach and in the business world and the NBA? And even going from a small little apartment with both of you to being in the most iconic house in the world. Like, how do you believe you're deserving and worthy of that life when you come from such smaller, humbler beginnings?

• 26:17Speaker 02

  Well, it's a step by step process. And if you got good, smart parents like we did, you know, who don't even know what's coming, but they understand, they understood for us that they wanted to make us feel that way at our little kitchen table. So you, you begin feeling that because you feel it, you see your excellence in the eyes of your parents. Like, we had parents that really thought we were smart and funny and interesting and, and they reflected that back to us. They, they wanted to hear what we thought. They, so we grew up thinking, we're so funny, we're so smart. You know, we're so interesting.

• 27:02Speaker 02

  You know, I know you want to hear what I have to say. I know I'm five, but let me tell you my opinion about these things. Right? So it starts there. And especially when your poor black kids from, you know, on the South Side of Chicago, I think our parents knew that what was coming for us was the absolute different message. That at every turn, what was awaiting us, regardless of who we were, there were going to be teachers and people who would be constantly lowering our bars for us anyway. So I think they fueled us with a level of can do it, must do it-ness.

• 27:39Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 27:40Speaker 02

  That would arm, that would give us a kind of armor as we went out and sort of started getting dinged.

• 27:46Lewis Howes?

  In the world.

• 27:46Speaker 02

  In the world.

• 27:47Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 27:49Lewis Howes?

  What are they instilling you to keep your self-confidence high when the world was trying to take you down?

• 27:56Speaker 01

  So I'll give it to you in coaching terms. Before people were coaching confidence, they were coaching confidence.

• 28:04Lewis Howes?

  Interesting. What did that, what would that look like? What would they say or do or react?

• 28:08Speaker 01

  This is, this is what it would look like. Mom, how do you learn how to read? And I'm four years old. Instead of saying, you put letters together, she said, here, go get a book. I'll show you how to read. And she taught me how to read when I was four years old because I asked her, how do you read? And every time I asked her, how do you do something? She stopped what she was doing and she showed me. So then I felt, and then she would talk about how wonderful it was that I could read, or that I could tell time, or that we could go around the block on our bikes by ourselves. And that, it's really interesting because today,

• 28:53Speaker 01

  people talk about coaching confidence and leading with confidence. When we grew up, leaders didn't do that. They broke you down to build you back up. They yelled at you. They yelled at you and they, it was just a different mentality back then. Even in corporate America back then, people put you through the gauntlet and didn't coach confidence. They told you how poorly you were doing. And then they hoped that the cream would rise to the top. Our parents did the exact opposite. How did they learn how to do that? Like, they were ahead of the game.

• 29:27Speaker 02

  And as mom said, she tried to do the opposite of what was done for her. Because she came out of a generation of, of that generation of, you know, they didn't know what they were doing with parenting. There was no philosophy. Kids were seen, but not heard.

• 29:45Speaker 01

  There's no conscious parenting.

• 29:46Speaker 02

  There was no conscious parenting. And our parents were smart people. They weren't college educated, but they could have been. You know, my mother could have been a teacher. She could have been a professor. You know, she just didn't, you know, there was no pathway that she saw for herself. So just like all of us, I mean, while there's some insecurity there, there's also in each of us, this level of, I know more than they're giving me credit for. Right? I think it's, it's already there and then. It gets beaten out of you. It gets abused out of you. It gets, there are other things that get in the way. I think my mother always felt like every kid has the power and the ability to learn if you get out of their way.

• 30:31Speaker 02

  Right. And, and if you fuel it and you don't suffocate it. And my parents were sane people and just, we were blessed in them. Wow. And so that established a foundation for us to then go out in the world with this belief of, I'm, I'm pretty, I'm pretty confident and competent. Because that's what our parents get. And they forced us to be that way. And every time you succeed, you know, and sometimes we, we rob kids of that, parents today, because we're trying to make sure kids don't fail. We're trying to avoid our hurt and our embarrassment with them failing. So we never let them, we never really hand them their lives.

• 31:16Speaker 02

  And so they don't get those experiences. And so they miss out on those early, you know, sort of building blocks of confidence that you need. Our parents handed that to us. That's beautiful. And so then there were the experiences that went along with it. We were, we came into the world as good people, polite kids. We knew how to engage with teachers. That, that, that multiplies that confidence and competence. Because, you know, teaching your kid how to be socialized helps them. Because better socialized kids, they get better feedback from the world. Yes. And we were always the kids that the teachers liked and loved. And so now you get a little bit of that.

• 32:01Speaker 02

  And then now you learn how to do that, right? And then, so you just keep succeeding. And for me, one of the aha moments was actually going to Princeton. Because I wasn't confident then. Because I wasn't a great test taker. I was a great grade getter. But I wasn't good on SAT. So I had good grades, not great scores. So all the scores said, you don't belong at Princeton. And there were people who saw me, saw the color of my skin and said, you're, you're aiming too high, right? So luckily he went.

• 32:37Lewis Howes?

  You were already there for two years, right? Or a year or two?

• 32:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, I was there for two years and, and she, what she's being nice, but what she really said was, if this dude can get in, I know I'm getting in.

• 32:46Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, I'm smarter than him.

• 32:47Speaker 01

  She is a better student than I was. I was a guy who could do well on tests. I never studied.

• 32:54Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 32:54Speaker 01

  So my first years at Princeton, I got killed because you have to be able to study there.

• 32:59Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 33:00Speaker 01

  But my sister is studious and smart and just the bad, she get, she got frazzled on the test.

• 33:08Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 33:09Speaker 01

  And me, I was like, uh, you know, process of elimination.

• 33:14Speaker 02

  Imagine going to these schools, being told that you're not ready. And that was my first insecurity of thinking, well, maybe I don't belong here. And that's the world telling you that you don't belong, even though it's like, well, all my experiences up until this point say that why wouldn't I belong here?

• 33:32Lewis Howes?

  So how did you overcome that belief that you don't belong or that other people are telling you, you don't belong?

• 33:37Speaker 02

  You, I got there and I looked around and went, oh my God.

• 33:41Speaker 01

  Sat in a few classes.

• 33:42Speaker 02

  Sat in a few classes and sort of realized that affirmative action isn't just the color of your skin, but there were a lot of kids that were legacy kids. They were athletes. They were, it was like, and then you sit in class with people, a lot of bright people, but there were a lot of people that were just, so you wonder, well, how'd you get here? You know, who told you, you were ready, right? And then doing well in that environment. For me, it sort of, um, it, it, it sort of took the curtain off of this elitism.

• 34:14Lewis Howes?

  It lifted the veil.

• 34:15Speaker 02

  It lifted the veil. That's the, that's the phrase I was trying to come up with. It lifted the veil for me in a pretty, so if I'm here at the top schools. In the world and I am succeeding, then all this other stuff is a lie.

• 34:31Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 34:32Speaker 02

  You telling me that I can't, this is the scam. Like you want me to think I don't belong here when I actually do. And so that was the first step of let me just, let me trust my gut again. Let me go back to the foundation, the things that my parents were telling me that I thought maybe they just loved me and start believing what's actually happening in the world. Let me trust my experiences.

• 34:59Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 34:59Speaker 02

  And, and so I experienced my way into confidence. And the White House is just another Princeton, right?

• 35:07Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 35:07Speaker 02

  And the experience was just the same. You have a lot of people saying that there's no way that this black couple is capable of representing our country, you know? They, they are not patriotic. Look at their fist bump, you know? Did, did she really get into Princeton? Is he really from this country, you know? Did he really go to Harvard? Is his, you know, it's the, it's the same kind of let, because we can't see past our own prejudice, let's question, because we were told that there is an order and that you don't belong at the top, you know? And what I soon realized is that's not about me, that's about them, which goes back to

• 35:51Speaker 02

  what we learned at our kitchen table. It's like you cannot base who you are and how you think of yourself on what anybody else other than who's at this table and knows you thinks, because everybody's bringing their own stuff to their opinion of who you are. So you have to do the work and let your work speak for itself.

• 36:15Lewis Howes?

  That's fascinating, because if you're at, you know, at the position you were in for eight years during that time.

• 36:23Lewis Howes?

  How are you able to keep the core nucleus of your closest friends and family to just only focus on what they think of you, rather than what the world thinks of you, both at the extreme high, high and others extreme critical? Like, how did you not own your own hype of half the world or whatever, or most of the world, and then the extreme criticism?

• 36:46Speaker 02

  Like, you can't listen to either.

• 36:48Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 36:48Speaker 02

  And so, that's not to say that I didn't look at any press, you know, especially when you're campaigning, you can't help but know what things are. But what I learned was that I have to filter it. You know, so the beauty of being in the White House is you have a comms team, a communications team. And I just get to the point where tell me the things that are objectively are things that I need to hear. And I just had to practice. And I wasn't always good at it, because I need, I'd look through the clips, I'd look at stories every now and then, I'd dig a little too deep, you know, good and bad.

• 37:25Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. Feed the ego, and then also the criticism, ah, that doesn't feel good.

• 37:29Speaker 02

  Exactly. And it's like, well, I can't believe one and not the other. So let me just do the work. So I tried to develop a habit of getting my information, not firsthand, but third hand. So my comms director, tell me in this meeting what I need to know, what I need to be paying attention to. If there's an article or something about the girls or something that I need to know in preparation for this speech, give me that information. So I do what I tell young people do. Do not read the comments section, you know, just don't go there. If you, if you're in social media and you're doing this work, do not let that stuff feed you. You have to be disciplined enough to just put your head down and do

• 38:11Speaker 02

  the work and let the work speak for you. So I would read things about the work, you know, did the speech work? Is the program working? Is it having impact? But all the other stuff, the op-eds and the commentary, it's like, good and bad. I can't take it in, because it would cloud the work.

• 38:31Lewis Howes?

  That's interesting. And so it's really about, you know, was I effective?

• 38:35Speaker 02

  That's right.

• 38:36Lewis Howes?

  And as a coach, you're seeing, were we effective? Maybe it wasn't pretty, maybe it wasn't perfect, but did we accomplish our goal? Did we win the game? Did we move the initiative forward? And really not looking at the praise. Or the feedback too strongly as well on either spectrum, which I'm hearing you say is you had to regulate your emotions. And it's something you probably have to do.

• 38:57Speaker 01

  As a coach.

• 38:58Lewis Howes?

  As a coach is like get student athletes or athletes to not react when someone gut punches them under the, you know, and doesn't get called the foul. And also not own their own hype too much.

• 39:11Speaker 01

  Exactly, especially in the age of social media. All these guys want to read about themselves.

• 39:15Lewis Howes?

  Oh, yeah.

• 39:16Speaker 01

  And it was, it was a real challenge to try and get them to stay off their phones and reading because most of the feedback is going to be negative. That's just the nature.

• 39:31Speaker 02

  Somebody's going to take time to write.

• 39:33Speaker 01

  It's going to be bad.

• 39:35Lewis Howes?

  The criticism.

• 39:35Speaker 01

  Yes, yes.

• 39:36Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, the critiques. And I also, I got to ask you off camera, did I hear you also played with Jordan when he came back?

• 39:42Speaker 01

  Yeah. I'm happy to tell.

• 39:45Lewis Howes?

  I mean, you can share real quick. What was, so you're, so Jordan retires to play baseball.

• 39:49Speaker 01

  Jordan retired to play baseball and when he came back, people that were hearing he was working out and he wanted some guys to work out with who could play enough but weren't like gorillas while he was getting in shape. Tim Grover, who was his workout guy.

• 40:08Lewis Howes?

  He was a buddy of mine.

• 40:08Speaker 01

  So Tim knows the story because Tim is the one who called, again, Arnie Duncan, myself, John Rogers and a couple of other guys. And we start play two on two or three on three. And then when he got in shape, we play five on five. And then when he was ready, when he, when he got past us, he went to the real dudes to work out.

• 40:29Lewis Howes?

  Summer league.

• 40:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, because you know, I, I, I think I was in my late 30s probably then. So we could, we could give him a safe game. We knew the game. We knew how to guard him without jumping into his landing spot so he'd get a twisted ankle. And it was, it was just, and, and he was so gracious.

• 40:49Lewis Howes?

  That's cool.

• 40:50Speaker 01

  But he was, he was as tough as he was on, on the last dance.

• 40:55Lewis Howes?

  He didn't want to lose anything, probably.

• 40:57Speaker 01

  He was trying to beat us every single time and.

• 41:01Lewis Howes?

  He was the opposite of Barack. He was, he was like, he wasn't passing the ball.

• 41:05Speaker 01

  He, he was working on his game seriously and working on his sort of emotional and mental attitude too.

• 41:14Speaker 01

  And he has been absolutely gracious every time I run into him. You know, when I was working for the Bucks, I'd run into him, worked for the Knicks, I'd run into him, would be an All-Star and hey Craig, and he's just, he is just the same person that he is. He has always been the same person.

• 41:31Lewis Howes?

  That's cool.

• 41:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:32Lewis Howes?

  What a cool experience.

• 41:33Speaker 01

  It was, but you know, I had played against him in the summer league in Chicago when I was, when he first came. So Chicago had one of the best summer league basketball leagues because Chicago was one of the few places where you had pros, college players and high school players. So when Jordan got drafted by Chicago, we played up at Chicago State University.

• 41:57Speaker 02

  He'd be college.

• 41:58Speaker 01

  And you.

• 41:58Lewis Howes?

  You guys probably heard about him kind of like growing up and all this stuff. You were in that world.

• 42:03Speaker 01

  We were, we were in the world and then, then he shows up after he gets drafted and he's playing in the summer league that I'm playing in.

• 42:09Lewis Howes?

  Wow, that's crazy.

• 42:10Speaker 01

  It was, it was, it was, it was fantastic. It was just, the place was packed.

• 42:15Speaker 02

  Great time to be in Chicago.

• 42:16Lewis Howes?

  Amazing. You guys were living the dream.

• 42:18Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:19Lewis Howes?

  Now I'm curious about this, Michelle. I'm curious, did you ever struggle with your mental health while you were in the White House? Did you ever feel like the pressure's too big, the anxiety is too much, or I'm having, the weight of it all was too much? Or do you feel like you were pretty steady throughout the whole time?

• 42:36Speaker 02

  Yeah, I mean, I, I think we were surprisingly equipped for it.

• 42:43Speaker 02

  You know, and that's not to say that I didn't have my bad moments. We didn't have our bad days, we, you know, but I didn't feel like we can't do this. We'll never make it through this. That's not, first of all, how we were raised, right? I mean, you're in it, we're gonna make this, it's gonna work. We're gonna, we're, we're gonna show up every day. Every day we're gonna show up.

• 43:11Speaker 02

  And you also, I found that how is important for me and Barack to keep our sanity, our even keelness, because we were raising little kids.

• 43:20Lewis Howes?

  Gosh, that's gotta be so challenging, like being a parent without the world looking at you constantly and having to make big decisions every day has got to be one of the most challenging things ever, right? But then doing it, and how can you be a great mom, a great wife, a great, you know, leader in the world as well, and take care of your health and your mindset? Like, how do you do all that at once while raising kids?

• 43:43Speaker 02

  But it also helps to have them, because guess what kids are? They're a big distraction and they're very self-centered. And they're very much about, you know, okay, Dad, that's nice about the Middle East, but let me tell you about little Suzie and what we did.

• 44:00Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 44:00Speaker 02

  I mean, they keep you grounded and because-

• 44:03Lewis Howes?

  You gotta be in the present.

• 44:04Speaker 02

  You gotta be in the present, because that's where they are. It's like, I don't really know who Putin is, but let me tell you about Miss Churney. Okay? I mean, their worlds are real and it was Barack, you know, he reveled in that normalcy.

• 44:17Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 44:18Speaker 02

  Um, just coming home from a day at the office, you know, and being able to sit down with two chatty little girls and hear about their lives and remind him what's important, right? That, that helped. So it was a stress, but it was also a very grounding thing.

• 44:35Lewis Howes?

  And it probably brought a lot of joy to your life, too. It's like, when you're dealing with heavy, stressful things all day long, to have children bring love and joy and play and just wonder.

• 44:44Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 44:45Lewis Howes?

  You know, more of like what Craig brings to the world, right? Just that joy, like curiosity and awe in the moment.

• 44:50Speaker 02

  One of the best stories about my husband is that he, he became a coach during his White House years. He coached Sasha's fourth grade basketball league.

• 45:02Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 45:03Speaker 02

  The Vipers. And-

• 45:05Lewis Howes?

  How'd he do? How was his, uh?

• 45:07Speaker 01

  He did, I'll let her finish.

• 45:08Lewis Howes?

  Okay, yeah, yeah.

• 45:09Speaker 02

  So he didn't start out as the coach, but she, we signed her up for rec basketball, and it's at some local YMCA in Chevy Chase. And of course, we're going to the games, cuz- It's basketball.

• 45:22Lewis Howes?

  Of course, you have to go.

• 45:23Speaker 02

  And it's maybe the one, he's got one, then maybe we'll do it, right? So we're all going to the games. And also on the team was Maisie Biden, Joe Biden, the then Vice President's granddaughter, who the Biden girls and our girls grew up together friends. So imagine that rec league on any given Sunday, because we all went, right? President, the Vice President.

• 45:48Lewis Howes?

  Secret Service, everyone, yeah.

• 45:49Speaker 02

  Too detailed. No, like gate details, because all the clubs had details.

• 45:55Lewis Howes?

  They got their own bodyguards also.

• 45:56Speaker 02

  Ambulance, helicopters, SWAT people all over the gym, right?

• 46:00Lewis Howes?

  It's like a little middle school gym, like, yeah, two rafters, like, nothing, yeah.

• 46:04Speaker 02

  And of course, they're all still young. Basketball, Maisie! And I'm just like, Joe, you gotta lighten up, yo. You know, Barack, sit down, sit down. But it was a parent coach league, and the two parents of the Vipers weren't professional coaches, and they really didn't know basketball. And it was very evident by game number two, as Barack would just start sliding down to the coaches bench and just say, you know, have her block that one and get them to tie their shoes. So he was sort of side coaching, and at the time, his aide was Reggie Love. Reggie Love was a Division One.

• 46:39Lewis Howes?

  Good guy, is he?

• 46:40Speaker 02

  That was his body guy. So it's he and Reggie, and they're, they come out of the games really critiquing what wasn't going right. They weren't running plays, there were no practices. So they started making the side, giving side advice to these two parent coaches.

• 46:56Lewis Howes?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 46:57Speaker 02

  So how do you, you know, well, what do you do with that?

• 47:00Lewis Howes?

  With the president, giving you some coaching advice. He's like, ah!

• 47:03Speaker 02

  Eventually.

• 47:04Lewis Howes?

  A little whistle as a coach, like, yeah.

• 47:06Speaker 02

  He starts offering to run practice for the Vipers. So they come to like, one of the, one of the downtown gyms in the Department of Agriculture or the interior or whatever. So they take over a gym. Every week, they're coaching the Vipers. They teach them two plays. One was box and one was something else.

• 47:29Lewis Howes?

  Not the triangle offense.

• 47:31Speaker 02

  Not the triangle offense, because these little girls weren't even tying their shoes.

• 47:34Lewis Howes?

  Tuck your shirt in.

• 47:36Speaker 02

  So eventually Barack's on the bench with Reggie, with the parents, and they're running plays.

• 47:43Lewis Howes?

  That's incredible.

• 47:43Speaker 02

  Long and short of it is, the Vipers won the championship.

• 47:47Lewis Howes?

  Let's go. That's cool.

• 47:48Speaker 02

  The Vipers won the championship.

• 47:50Lewis Howes?

  Well, we have, me and your daughter have something in common. We both played on a team called the Vipers. My arena football team was called the Vipers, so we have something in common there. That's amazing.

• 48:00Speaker 02

  So you imagine what, how, you know, what that does to, you know, just alleviate stress that once a week, you're just a parent and eventually, no matter who they were playing, he was just the Vipers coach. It was good for him. It was good for his relationship with our daughters. It was, it was, it made us focus on something other than the world crises that he was facing. So the girls brought us down, you know, and he went to every parent teacher conference.

• 48:33Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 48:34Speaker 02

  Every single one, motorcade and all, which embarrassed the hell out of the girls. It's like, Dad, the SWAT guys are on the roof. They've got the machine guns out. And we were just like, just ignore it. This isn't about you.

• 48:46Lewis Howes?

  Ignore it.

• 48:47Speaker 02

  We were just trying to make them focus on their lives. It's like, this president's stuff, this is one thing. Your life is your life, and we are entering into it, just like every parent. We're gonna go, I'm going to the potluck. I'm going to stand on the soccer field. I'm going to, you know, watch your tennis game. Tennis was a hard sport to watch, so I would stay in the car in the motorcade and kind of look, because it's hard to watch high school tennis, which Malia played, without showing up with all the, with all the agents and stuff. So that I wouldn't do. But soccer, you could do.

• 49:22Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 49:22Speaker 02

  You know, so.

• 49:23Lewis Howes?

  Stand back far enough.

• 49:24Speaker 02

  Stand back far enough and interact with the parents in a normal way so that people would understand, I'm a mom, you know, and these are my daughters.

• 49:33Lewis Howes?

  And you want the best for them.

• 49:34Speaker 02

  I want the best for them. And we'll have sleepovers at the White House and the girls will come over. So that helped, you know, that's a long way of saying that. Having young kids helped us stay normalized and it helped us with our mental health as a family.

• 49:50Lewis Howes?

  That's interesting.

• 49:51Speaker 02

  Yeah.

• 49:53Lewis Howes?

  Now, how did you, I mean, you guys grew up with parents that weren't famous, that didn't have a lot of money, that weren't in the public eye, that weren't in, you know, universities or in politics and the world was paying attention to. But that wasn't the case for both of you. You were both public people in your own way and had a lot of fans and critics. And you had more money than your parents, more success, more opportunities, all these different things. How do you raise, both of you, how do you raise healthy, conscious kids to be good, loving, generous, when they are given more financially, success opportunities, networking,

• 50:36Lewis Howes?

  when they're given more opportunities than what you were given?

• 50:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's a terrific question. And the way we approach it is you all haven't done anything yet, so you can't.

• 50:51Speaker 02

  This isn't about you.

• 50:52Speaker 01

  This is not about you yet. You gotta earn your keep and you do your chores and you get good grades and you behave, then you start to get rewarded, but.

• 51:03Lewis Howes?

  Because you don't want to rob the confidence of them making mistakes and building their own thing, right? So how do you do that?

• 51:09Speaker 01

  Well, we're trying to do it like our parents did it. Give them, coach them for confidence and hard work, the results will come. And I always thought that my parents did me such a justice. When, when I got older, I realized there were a lot of kids who I went to school with, both in high school and in college, whose parents were cracking the whip for them to get good grades and it prevented them from getting good grades. And my parents always said, look, if you do. Do your best. I trust that you'll get your good, you'll get good grades.

• 51:50Speaker 01

  So don't worry about it. Just do your best. And whenever they at, whenever I didn't do my best and they asked me, I had to say I didn't do my best because it might come back in evidence at the end. But it was rare because they trained us to just do your best. That's all we want. We don't forget about the grades. Do your best. And it was the same in sports. Just do your best. And I'm trying to do that with our kids, even though we have more than what we did growing up.

• 52:21Speaker 01

  Does mean our kids have to have, you know, four times as much as that they would have had. Right. And it's not like, you know, we, we would get pizza growing up when we got report cards. That was the, that was our reward for good report cards. Italian fiesta pizza. Let's go. We do the same with these kids, but we have pizza more often than when we did. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, we had, we do, we go out to dinner more. Yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah. We go on better vacations. Sure. But when it comes down to just working, just, just work hard.

• 53:00Speaker 01

  Work hard and you'll be rewarded. And that's, that's, that's, you know, and, and it's, it's lovely to see between my two older kids and her two older kid, or two kids, they're all adults out on their own in their, you know, in their early twenties and early thirties, not in our basements. Right, right. So it's, and, and they figured out budgets. They figured out their relationship with money. And that's the one thing that my dad spent.

• 53:35Speaker 01

  A good amount of time with us showing us the value of money. And, and I think that's important too, in this day and age, because we do have more money than I did growing up and helping our kids understand, like my wife Kelly is a, she's a, only buys stuff on sale. So our kids look for things, when they want something, they know it's gotta be on sale, or they gotta spend their own money.

• 53:59Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 53:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:00Lewis Howes?

  That's cool.

• 54:00Speaker 02

  I think you've gotta know who your kids are, right? And that starts really early. I think all of the, that work is, starts way earlier than a lot of parents think, because it's about boundaries. It's, it's about respect. It's, it's, it's about learning, teaching your kids how to hear no.

• 54:22Lewis Howes?

  Not giving them everything.

• 54:23Speaker 02

  Not giving them everything and, and being okay with their disappointment. And that starts at three and five. It started way before we entered the White House, even though they were really young. It starts with discipline and not being afraid to discipline your kids, doing it with love, but still doing it and being consistent. So our kids even coming to the White House were already at seven and 10, those kids, right? So then the worry became, like, I don't want, and for all of our kids, I don't want you to think that you have to be this, right? Cause the pressure can go the other way. And our kids are Obamas, right?

• 55:05Speaker 02

  They entered the room with a name and a face that, you know, makes them have to prove something. So I'm, for my kids, because of who they are, they're already hard workers. They're already good people. They, you know, I hear this everywhere they go. They know how to enter a room and treat people kindly. They're gracious. They've learned how to be diplomats in this process. Because this whole experience that I was worried about also taught them how to maneuver in the world. So now I worry about them feeling like success has to look like what we did.

• 55:42Lewis Howes?

  Getting to the White House or getting to top.

• 55:44Speaker 02

  Come on, like, this is unusual, right? This is not the norm.

• 55:48Lewis Howes?

  And did your, did your parenting style shift or evolve pre-White House, during the White House and post-White House?

• 55:56Speaker 02

  It evolved not because of where we were, but because of their ages, right?

• 56:03Speaker 02

  You know, my kids lived in the White House longer than they lived in any house. So they came in at seven and 10 and they came out the year that Malia graduated. She graduated from, from high school and took a gap year. At, in our last year because she didn't want to go to college as the president's daughter. She didn't want to have a detail. Interesting. Right. So she took a gap year for that reason. Sasha graduated from high school when we were, you know, it was post White House. So they were different people. So now you move from creating boundaries to being an advisor, right?

• 56:43Speaker 02

  And slowly letting, giving, for me, I felt like my job is to every year, give you more rope. Every year, give you more control of your life. Every year, step back even more to get out of the way. And I wanted to do that before they left my house because I wanted to see, what do you do when you have all the rope? And some, and mistakes were made. Wow. Louis, let me tell you. And mistakes were made. Yeah. But it was better for me to see those mistakes so we could come home and talk about it. We could, you know, we could institute punishments. We could, you know, I, I didn't want to know that when they were out of the house.

• 57:26Speaker 02

  And so I gave my kids a lot of their rope each, with each phase. But that had more to do with who they were and how I wanted them to develop. Because we also, they weren't going to have Secret Service their whole lives. So it's like, you gotta learn how to drive. Yeah. And you gotta learn how to drive with your agents. So we had to switch that around. It's like you're driving in the car by yourself and your agents are following. Wow. So now you have to learn how to manage and communicate with a group of grown men on how you're moving in the world. Because you have to do this. Yes. You know, you have to learn how to get gas. You have to learn how to get on a bus. You have to learn how to get on a plane by yourself. And I can't be there. To do that with you because I still have all that.

• 58:08Lewis Howes?

  Yes, right.

• 58:09Speaker 02

  So it's so the game, the changes were really based on the kid, what they needed and the age. And my motto was your life is soon going to be yours. So let's start now.

• 58:22Lewis Howes?

  That's beautiful. That's beautiful. I've got about five minutes with you guys left. They're telling me. So I've got to. I know. We'll have to do another one in the future. So many more basketball chat I want to have and everything else, you know? But I've got a couple of questions, so hopefully they'll let me finish these few ones up. But before we ask them, I want people to download you guys new podcast IMO. I listened to the first episode where there was gist of you two. I thought it was fascinating, hearing these stories you guys share about early childhood, growing up, the lessons you learned, how you're able to instill confidence in each other, support one another and overcome challenges in the world. I just think it was really cool and all the other conversations you're having with people, I think is really needed right now.

• 59:03Lewis Howes?

  So IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson, I want people to go down that, download that. They can go to imopod.com. I am a podcast everywhere on social media and all the good stuff. We'll have it linked up as well, but really inspiring. And I'm glad you guys are doing this. So congrats on the show. It's really cool. This is one more question I have for you than I have a couple for both of you to wrap it up.

• 59:27Lewis Howes?

  I'm curious about your confidence pre White House, during White House, and then in the last decade since you've been in the White House. And I love your reflection on this as a brother and what you've witnessed.

• 59:44Lewis Howes?

  Do you feel like you're more confident now in the last 10 years? The eight years in office or the kind of four to eight years before, leading into the office?

• 59:56Speaker 02

  Easy answer now.

• 59:58Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 59:59Speaker 02

  I think I'm my most confident now. I think, and by confidence, I mean, I feel.

• 1:00:08Speaker 02

  I feel, I feel like I can claim my wisdom.

• 1:00:14Speaker 02

  Um, and I've said this before, I think, maybe it's a little bit different for women. Maybe I'm, oh, I can only speak as a woman because I'm a woman. But I feel like throughout my life, um, you know, like a lot of women, I was reticent to claim what I knew. And I was always sort of, well, maybe you don't know what I'm talking about. Maybe I won't speak up or, yeah, maybe, maybe this idea seems that way. Maybe, you know, what I'm saying to these guys in the West Wing doesn't make any sense. I was, you know, while I was doing my thing and, and having my own proofs, it still took until now for me to kind of go, look over all this life and say, I kind of got, I kind

• 1:00:59Speaker 02

  of know a few things. I think, I think I can now sit in my wisdom at 61. And I think a lot of that has to do is with the fact that I am, I'm of course still a wife, but I'm not the, I'm not the first lady of the nation. I'm not the, the, the primary parent of Malia and Sasha. They are adults out there on their own. This is the first time in my life when every decision, good or bad, is mine to own.

• 1:01:30Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 1:01:30Speaker 02

  Um, and I feel good about owning it. I'm, I'm still working on it though, because there's still guilt, there's still a sense of obligation, there's a still a sense, there is still always the sense of, am I good enough?

• 1:01:43Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 1:01:43Speaker 02

  Because while the confidence, I think it's, I think it's there in so many of us. Like, that's what I've come to.

• 1:01:50Lewis Howes?

  Well, you think, am I good enough? You've created and accomplished so much, not only professionally, but personally. So at 61, you're still feeling that?

• 1:01:57Speaker 02

  But is it enough? And that's the work that I'm doing. Like, if it's not enough now, I'm, I'm telling myself and my therapist, then it won't be enough. So now I have to determine for myself, because this is all an internal conversation.

• 1:02:14Speaker 02

  That I'm good, right? I'm just now really, I just really now have the time to do that work.

• 1:02:21Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 1:02:22Speaker 02

  Right? Because when you're climbing, slaying the dragons, you're just feeling the feelings. You don't have time to assess it, right? Raising kids, getting through hard times, writing books, doing book tours, you know, working on the library with my husband, blah, blah, blah. The decade that I was talking about that just went by, just like a flash. When was there time to reflect and work on that stuff?

• 1:02:47Lewis Howes?

  Do the healing work.

• 1:02:48Speaker 02

  To do the healing work, because after all that work, there still is healing from it. That was, you know, that was a mighty experience that we had, right?

• 1:02:59Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, it's a lot to unpack.

• 1:03:00Speaker 02

  And so in these last years, I've been unpacking it. And I'm becoming better with my choices, feeling more, the most confident in myself and the most settled in that question of, am I good enough? And I'm finally starting to answer it, yeah, I think I'm, I think I'm there. I think I'm there.

• 1:03:24Lewis Howes?

  That's beautiful. I feel like this is, we're just getting started, but unfortunately, I'm going to have to wrap this up.

• 1:03:31Lewis Howes?

  So I want to ask you guys both a final question. And that is, what is your definition of greatness? And I'll start with you, Craig, your definition of greatness.

• 1:03:45Speaker 01

  I think greatness is the ability

• 1:03:50Speaker 01

  to both have an impact on your own life and on other people's lives.

• 1:03:58Speaker 01

  I think if you can find a way to develop yourself

• 1:04:04Speaker 01

  and coach yourself up, you can inspire and develop and coach up others. And that's kind of what.

• 1:04:14Speaker 01

  Sort of my life's work has been even before I was coaching when as a, as a player, as a, an executive, as a corporate worker, I always felt like we didn't inspire each other enough. Everybody was sort of an independent contractor. And if we could all be team players, we'd be in a better position. That's cool. That's cool. I love that.

• 1:04:40Speaker 02

  I think mine is similar because we were raised in similarly.

• 1:04:45Speaker 02

  Greatness is giving more than you get, you know, because what, what's it all for? You know, greatness, I think greatness, greater good. You know, we should be all, we all should be working for our greatness to affect the greater good. And then we all experience that greatness. Cause greatness as an individual feat, I mean, yeah, I guess, right? I mean, you can sit in your own greatness and have all the stuff and be really alone. But the bigger greatness is putting that energy out. Yeah.

• 1:05:26Lewis Howes?

  Amen. Thank you both for being here.

• 1:05:27Speaker 01

  Thanks for having us, man. Appreciate it, Michelle. Thank you so much.

• 1:05:30Speaker 02

  12 years, we can see the experience.

• 1:05:32Lewis Howes?

  Let's go, you know, let's go. I have a brand new book called Make Money Easy. And if you're looking to create more financial freedom in your life, you want abundance in your life, and you want to stop making money hard in your life, but you want to make it easier, you want to make it flow, you want to feel abundant, then make sure to go to makemoneymeasook.com right now and get yourself a copy. I really think this is going to help you transform your relationship with money this moment, moving forward. We have some big guests and content coming up. Make sure you're following and stay tuned to the next episode on the school of greatness.

• 1:06:16Lewis Howes?

  I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally, as well as ad free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our greatness plus channel exclusively on Apple Podcasts. Share this with a friend on social media and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts as well. Let me know what you enjoyed about this episode in that review. I really love hearing feedback from you and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward. And I want to remind you if no one has told you lately that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And

• 1:07:00Lewis Howes?

  now it's time to go out there and do something great.