Mel Robbins Reveals a 5-SECOND SECRET That Will Change Your Life Forever!

Today Lewis is joined by the charismatic Mel Robbins. Together, they dive deep into the heart of personal and professional growth. Mel opens up about the power of habits, teaching us to differentiate the good from the bad and how to make them work in our favor. She shares a personal narrative, a moment of awakening that propelled her from a state of inaction to a life filled with purpose and action. Get ready to explore the intricacies of your thoughts and feelings, as Mel sheds light on managing anxiety and the crucial gap between knowing and doing. She gives us a peek into the science behind her famed 5 Second Rule and how it’s a game-changer in decision-making and maintaining momentum, regardless of what your emotions are telling you. In this episode you will learnThe dual nature of habits and how to harness them positively. Techniques for managing thoughts to influence emotions effectively. A deeper understanding of anxiety and strategies to cope with it. How to bridge the gap between knowing and doing to achieve goals. Insights into decision-making processes and initiating action. For more information go to www.lewishowes.com/1532For more Greatness text PODCAST to +1 (614) 350-3960More SOG episodes on Radical Self Love & Acceptance:Jason Derulo – https://link.chtbl.com/1460-podKaramo Brown – https://link.chtbl.com/1457-podPokimane – https://link.chtbl.com/1443-pod Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Lewis Howes?

  My friend, I am such a big believer that your mindset is everything. It can really dictate if your life has meaning, has value, and you feel fulfilled, or if you feel exhausted, drained, and like you're never going to be enough. Our brand new book, The Greatness Mindset, just hit the New York Times Bestseller back-to-back weeks. And I'm so excited to hear from so many of you who've bought the book, who've read it and finished it already, and are getting incredible results from the lessons in the book. If you haven't got a copy yet, you'll learn how to build a plan for greatness through powerful exercises and toolkits designed to propel your life forward. This is the book I wish I had when I was 20, struggling, trying to figure out life. 10 years ago, at 30, trying to figure out transitions in my life,

• 0:45Lewis Howes?

  and the book I'm glad I have today for myself. Make sure to get a copy at lewishouse.com/2023mindset to get your copy today. Again, lewishouse.com/2023mindset to get a copy today. Also, the book is on Audible now, so you can get it on audiobook as well. And don't forget to follow the show so you never miss an episode.

• 1:10Mel Robbins?

  I'm on a mission to make every human being realize that if you wake up in the morning and you're breathing, and you're standing in front of that mirror, and you have survived the stuff you have survived, and you are still waking up and trying to do better, you not only deserve a high five, you need it. Because...

• 1:30Lewis Howes?

  Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 1:54Lewis Howes?

  Welcome to today's special episode. Over the last 1,300 plus episodes, there have been so many impactful interviews that I've been lucky enough to have. And I always like to reflect on some of the most powerful. And this episode was one that resonated with most of you guys in the past. And I'm excited for the value it's going to bring you today as well. So I hope you enjoy today's episode.

• 2:17Lewis Howes?

  Starting off with a high five, because you have the high five habit, which is a simple technique to take control back of your life. And you were just talking about how you never truly learned how to love yourself in your own skin. And you started this daily ritual, this habit, of high fiving yourself in the mirror.

• 2:38Mel Robbins?

  Yeah.

• 2:40Lewis Howes?

  How, I mean, you're, you've lived a, you've lived a pretty full life right now, but you feel like really you've never truly learned how to love yourself, but now you feel like you know how to?

• 2:48Mel Robbins?

  Yes, I do.

• 2:50Lewis Howes?

  Why did you not know how to love yourself in the first place?

• 2:54Mel Robbins?

  Oh, that's a big question. Um, I think that most of us are not taught how to love ourselves just for being alive.

• 3:03Lewis Howes?

  For existing.

• 3:03Mel Robbins?

  For existing, thank you.

• 3:05Lewis Howes?

  It's always like we have to accomplish something.

• 3:06Mel Robbins?

  Correct.

• 3:07Lewis Howes?

  Then we can get love.

• 3:08Mel Robbins?

  Yes, it's, it's the same thing with happiness. Like you're chasing it and you think that if you achieve something, you're going to get it. And you also, or at least I felt the most loved when I was little, when I was achieving something. And, you know, I think that most parents kind of fall into this camp. And it's really interesting to write a book about this and sort of trace back how we go from being little teeny babies that would crawl up to a mirror and put our hands up and kiss ourselves and love the sight of ourselves, to being a self-loathing adult that stands in front of a mirror and either ignores or criticizes your very existence. And I believe that a lot of this has to do with

• 3:52Mel Robbins?

  the fact that so much of what you learned as a kid is if you do what I tell you to do, then I'll like you, then I'll love you. And so much of your existence becomes complying, fitting in, not making people angry. You learn how to sort of go in and out of spaces, belong to groups, make sure people like you, and you stop. Focusing on how you were born, which is looking in a mirror and liking yourself. So my formula for being somebody that was worthy of love is, well, if I'm accomplishing all this stuff, then I'm lovable. If this person over here that I love loves me back, then I'm lovable. If somebody likes me, then I'm lovable.

• 4:36Mel Robbins?

  Notice where all the sources of love were coming from? Outside. But I never really understood, how do you learn how to put yourself first? How do you learn how to love yourself, Louis? How do you do that? We know we need to, but the question is, how?

• 4:56Lewis Howes?

  So how'd you learn how to unlearn it? And then, I guess, relearn how to love yourself?

• 5:02Mel Robbins?

  Okay, so, you know, this is kind of my brand of advice. It's gotta be incredibly stupid on the surface. It's gotta be so simple, it's really implausible that it works. And once you start unpacking it, it has to have a crazy bananas amount of scientific proof and real-life proof in people's lives to prove why it works. So I'll tell you the story first behind the high-five habit. Because I did not set out and go like, "Okay, I've written the five-second rule book, I need to come up with another five." I have been toiling away with what book to write for nearly five years. So it's been five years since I've had a book in print.

• 5:42Mel Robbins?

  And I had this random morning where there's a lot going on in my life. I'm not going to get into it because it's a boring story, but I was just having a really hard time in my life. And I woke up, got out of bed, I made my bed like I always do, I walked into the bathroom, I'm standing there brushing my teeth, and I catch my reflection in the mirror. And my first thought is, "God, you look like me." Seriously.

• 6:12Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 6:13Mel Robbins?

  And I know women in particular can relate to this, but what a lot of people don't realize is you guys are incredibly hard on yourselves, too.

• 6:20Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 6:21Mel Robbins?

  And so as I go, "God, you look like it." I start then cataloging all of the things that are wrong with my appearance. I'm like, "Your gray hair is coming in, you've got stripes on your neck, one of your boobs is lower than the other, you know, you look exhausted." And then as soon as you have a negative thought or a self-criticism, it's sort of like lint in a dryer. Once you start collecting it, it just keeps on collecting it. So now I'm thinking, not about how horrible I look, or how tired I look, now I start thinking about all the stuff I need to do. I start going, "Oh, my gosh, I got up a little too late, and I've got a Zoom call in, eight minutes, I don't even have a bra on yet, the dog needs to be walked." And I could feel my energy going down. Like, I just felt the weight of the world on my shoulders.

• 7:06Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 7:07Mel Robbins?

  Overwhelmed, uncertain.

• 7:09Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 7:09Mel Robbins?

  You know, it doesn't even matter what was going on in my life at that time, because I think it's a universal feeling to feel overwhelmed by your life at times.

• 7:19Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 7:20Mel Robbins?

  And so here I am, a motivational speaker.

• 7:24Lewis Howes?

  Unmotivated.

• 7:25Mel Robbins?

  Unmotivated, uncaffeinated, no bra on, standing there in my underwear with my dog at my feet. I don't know what came over me. But as cheesy as it sounds, I just raised my hand and gave the tired, haggard woman in the mirror a high five.

• 7:47Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 7:49Mel Robbins?

  And it didn't change my life, like, right then and there, but something shifted.

• 7:55Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 7:56Mel Robbins?

  Like, I felt a little lighter. I felt like I wasn't alone.

• 8:01Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 8:02Mel Robbins?

  I felt like, okay, you know, this moment in your life is hard, but you can do this, Mel. And I went on with my day. So the second day, I woke up, and this is when things started to really kind of churn in my mind. The first thing that I noticed was this. So I wake up, Louis, and I make my bed, and I realized I was looking forward to that moment in the mirror where I was gonna see myself. Now, look, I'm 52 years old. I will probably have a hot flash during the middle of this interview at some point. I'm a lot older than you.

• 8:35Lewis Howes?

  Just don't eat lobster.

• 8:37Mel Robbins?

  Oh, yeah. I had a really allergic reaction the last time we were together. Wow. But I have spent the first 45 years of my life either criticizing the woman in the mirror or ignoring her. And this was the first time that I could remember that I was actually looking forward to seeing myself. Sort of like, you know, when I was coming here today, you and I are very good friends. As I was walking into the building, I'm feeling excited to see you. And it wasn't like I was feeling excited to see myself. Like, I'm not like, "Yeah!" Because I got a lot of crap going on in my life, but I felt a little bit like I'm about to see a friend. And so that second morning, I high-fived myself again. And again,

• 9:21Mel Robbins?

  I feel something shift. I feel a little, just a little lightness in the mood, and I go on with my day. So the third morning, I do it again. And again, like, lightness. And so I keep doing it, keep doing it. Couple weeks go by, and now I'm starting to feel a little bit of momentum. And I'm really enjoying it. I have no idea what the [bleep] is going on. I haven't even done this in front of my husband, Chris, yet, because, let's be honest, standing in front of a mirror.

• 9:48Lewis Howes?

  High-fiving yourself.

• 9:49Mel Robbins?

  Yeah, like, come on, how pathetic does it get? You're like, it's really, you're like, that bad? So I snap a photo of myself. I've got my retainer in, I got bed head. Like, I'm not looking glamorous. I did not expect this to be the photo that would ignite a movement. And within an hour, I posted on my story on Instagram, within an hour, at least 100 people tagged me. All over the world, people high-fiving the mirror with their kids, people on a submarine high-fiving it, the military, people MMA, like, just... And I thought, okay, wait a minute. Maybe I'm not the only one that needs a little boost in the morning. Maybe I'm not the only one who feels alone. Maybe I'm not the only one that is missing a sense of encouragement and control

• 10:34Mel Robbins?

  and confidence in an overwhelming moment in my life. Maybe there's something here. And then the messages started to come in. Whoa, Mel. Like, I have been using this for five days. This woman wrote to us, Louis. She's had body dysmorphia for 20 years. Has not been able to look at herself in the mirror. Five days of doing this high five. And she said, "I can look at myself and I even see beyond the body. I see the person. And I can grin." We had a woman who wrote to us who said that she was in a domestic violence shelter. She had escaped a very abusive relationship. She had seen me talking at our friend Jamie Kern Lima's event. She started doing the high five thing.

• 11:19Mel Robbins?

  She DMs us and she says that, you know, "I have childhood trauma. I've just been in a physically abusive relationship. I've lost everything. I'm in a domestic violence shelter. What this high five in the mirror is teaching me is that I still have myself."

• 11:35Mel Robbins?

  And so that was when I said, "I gotta figure out what's going on." And I started to unpack the research. And the research around this simple ritual. I love that you called it a ritual because I want people to habit stack this with brushing their teeth.

• 11:49Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 11:49Mel Robbins?

  This is so life-changing. It's so simple. The science here is like, you can't believe it. And once I unpack it, you're gonna be like, "I can't believe how cool this thing is."

• 12:02Lewis Howes?

  So what's the science say?

• 12:04Mel Robbins?

  Okay, so the science. Let's start with the first thing. So the first thing is that when you first try it, okay,

• 12:12Mel Robbins?

  you will not be able to raise your hand and high-five yourself and be like, "You suck, Mel." Or, "Today's gonna be terrible." And there's a reason for that. And the reason is that for your entire life, you have given other people high fives. So when you give a high five or you receive one, what is a high five? Just the gesture and what does this communicate? If we do this to each other?

• 12:34Lewis Howes?

  Nice job, good work. You're doing amazing. Yeah, keep it up.

• 12:37Mel Robbins?

  Yeah, I believe in you. I love you. Let's go. If you blow a shot and you gotta get back in the game, a high five's like shake it off. You can win.

• 12:45Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 12:45Mel Robbins?

  And so all of that lifetime of high fiving other people and the messaging associated with it is programmed right here in your subconscious brain.

• 12:57Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 12:57Mel Robbins?

  There's a field of study called neurobics, which is about...

• 13:00Lewis Howes?

  Neurobics.

• 13:01Mel Robbins?

  I didn't make that up. It's interesting. Physical movement plus new neurological activity. When you marry an unexpected physical movement with new neurological activity, it's the fastest way to forge new neural pathways in your brain.

• 13:19Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 13:19Mel Robbins?

  Okay? We know the example, you've covered this on your show, of brushing with the wrong hand and thinking positive thoughts. And the reason why that works is because when you're brushing with the wrong hand, it's unexpected. Your brain doesn't expect it. So instead of drifting off about the fact that you need to walk the dog, you have to focus. So your prefrontal cortex is engaged. You're not used to high fiving your own reflection. So it's an unexpected physical movement that then activates all of the positive programming in your subconscious. So when you raise your hand and you high five, your tired self, Louis, what happens is all of the messaging with this, the high five, "I believe in you. I love you. I celebrate you. You got this. Keep going. Come on."

• 14:03Mel Robbins?

  It actually fuses with your frickin' reflection.

• 14:06Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 14:07Mel Robbins?

  It's impossible to criticize yourself.

• 14:09Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 14:09Mel Robbins?

  Your brain won't allow it because it's not wired that way when you're making that motion.

• 14:13Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 14:14Mel Robbins?

  Isn't that crazy?

• 14:14Lewis Howes?

  It's hard to say, "You suck. You don't matter in anything."

• 14:18Mel Robbins?

  No.

• 14:18Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 14:19Mel Robbins?

  You can't. You can't. And so this lifetime of positive subconscious programming associated with high-fiving other people gets fused with your own reflection in this ritual. That's just the beginning, okay? That's just the beginning. The second thing that starts to happen that's really interesting. So, you know, we've had a ton of people do this, obviously, around the world. Super easy idea. It's spreading around the world. We start interviewing people about what's going on, and this is what we notice. We notice that one of two things happen when you first try this. So here's how I want everybody to try it. You're gonna go into the bathroom and, you know, do it before or after you brush your teeth, and that's important because I want you to make this a ritual that's part of your morning routine. And so we need to stack it with something you already do.

• 15:04Mel Robbins?

  And you're gonna stand there for a minute, and I want you to look at yourself. Now that, right alone, most of us don't do. Look at yourself. And I want you to just think about the day ahead. This is based on more research. So, recent studies show, from the University of Florida, that if you take just a minute and you set an intention about how the day's gonna go, about who you're gonna be, how you're gonna show up, what's the one thing that kinda matters to you to really make progress on? If you just kinda set that intention, who am I gonna be today? How am I gonna show up today? Even if it's a hard day, how are you gonna show up? And then you raise your hand and you seal it. Research shows just setting the intention alone changes your mood, it boosts your productivity,

• 15:49Mel Robbins?

  it increases your ability to make an impact on other people. And so when you seal it with this high five, it becomes this ritual of setting an intention for the day and also silencing the critic and reprogramming the default setting about how you see yourself, whether or not you believe in yourself. And you leave that bathroom feeling like the wind is at your back. Now, when people do this for the first time, so you're gonna stand there tomorrow and you're gonna go, "Okay, Mel Robbins and Louis, jeez, I'm gonna sit here, brush my teeth." Okay, this is stupid. This is... You're gonna just start rejecting it, I guarantee you. This is... The coolest stuff, you're gonna have the biggest resistance to.

• 16:33Mel Robbins?

  And so, for those of you that just raise your hand and do it, you're gonna immediately be like, "Why have I not been doing this?"

• 16:40Mel Robbins?

  It feels good to be encouraged and supported.

• 16:43Lewis Howes?

  To high vibe yourself.

• 16:44Mel Robbins?

  Yes. Why have I not had my own back? Why do I stand here and criticize myself? Why do I allow this moment, every single morning, to be a moment where life takes over and I drift into autopilot? Why am I not taking this moment for me to build a partnership with myself?

• 17:02Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 17:03Mel Robbins?

  The second group of people, and this is the larger group.

• 17:06Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 17:08Mel Robbins?

  Resist it. And this is really interesting. And the reason why you resist it, and the reason why it feels weird, is because you believe you're not worthy of support or celebration.

• 17:24Lewis Howes?

  From yourself or from others?

• 17:26Mel Robbins?

  Period.

• 17:26Lewis Howes?

  Wow. Why do we think we're not worthy of celebration?

• 17:32Mel Robbins?

  Well, for people that grew up in a chaotic, violent, or whatever household, it was your lived experience.

• 17:40Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 17:41Mel Robbins?

  I think that for many of us, we look back on our lives and, you know, the cognitive negative bias has us focus on the things that went wrong. And so you begin to tell yourself a story about your life that is basically a pyramid of all the things that you regret, of all the things that you wish had done over, of all the things that you don't like about yourself. And so you drag that with you into the bathroom every morning. And you stare at the mirror and you see somebody that has screwed up. You see somebody who's not where you're meant to be. You see somebody who doesn't have the number on the scale, or the car that you wanted, or the job that you had hoped for, or the relationship that you had always dreamed about.

• 18:25Mel Robbins?

  And so standing there, you believe you're not worthy of support or celebration. And it's this deep belief, you know, we talk a lot in the personal development space of, "Oh, I'm not good enough." I actually think that's the polite thing that people say. I believe that people have a much more horrible way of talking to themselves.

• 18:46Lewis Howes?

  Like what?

• 18:47Mel Robbins?

  I can't say it on TV, but I can say it on the internet. "I'm a piece of [BLEEP]. I'm worthless. No one will ever love me. I screwed up my life. I'm a failure. I'll never amount to anything."

• 19:01Mel Robbins?

  It's too late. I'm a bad person. Like, I think people actually say this to themselves.

• 19:07Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, and they say it over and over again.

• 19:09Mel Robbins?

  Yes.

• 19:10Lewis Howes?

  Daily.

• 19:10Mel Robbins?

  Yes, yes. And just like ruts on a dirt road, it starts to wear in your brain and it becomes the familiar path. And so you stand in front of the mirror and, you know, I'm telling you, raise your hand and let all that positive programming you've given to everybody else. We are amazing at celebrating everybody else. We cheer for our favorite sports teams. We buy tickets to, you know, our favorite musicians. We throw birthday parties for people. We take on extra work for our colleagues. We help our family members out and our friends out. But when it comes to supporting ourselves, we don't know how to do it.

• 19:45Lewis Howes?

  No.

• 19:46Mel Robbins?

  In fact, there's a lot of people that think it's selfish to put yourself first, or that you're arrogant if you're due.

• 19:53Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 19:53Mel Robbins?

  I'm here to tell you, it is essential to your well-being, to your fulfillment, to your happiness, all of it. So if you're feeling resistance, you're either going to feel it because you already have a deep story that you don't deserve it because of your track record, your past, because of what's happening in your life. Or you're gonna feel resistance because you have been trained to believe that you only deserve that kind of stuff when you're winning. Like, if I don't have that car, I don't get the high five. If I didn't get that promotion, I didn't deserve it. If I am not in a loving relationship, I don't deserve to be celebrated. Because I'm not actually achieving or doing the things that warrant that.

• 20:37Mel Robbins?

  I'm here to tell you, I'm on a mission to make every human being realize that if you wake up in the morning and you're breathing, and you're standing in front of that mirror, and you have survived the stuff you have survived, and you are still waking up and trying to do better, you not only deserve a high five.

• 20:57Mel Robbins?

  You need it. Because what we also know based on the research is that empowerment, support, kindness, love, celebration, it is the single most motivating force on the planet. Tough love is a bunch of baloney. What really fuels people, particularly when you're going through a challenge, is feeling celebrated, seen, and supported. And the research bears it out.

• 21:25Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, I can think of the times when I was with, on sports teams where I had great, loving, encouraging coaches. It made me want to work harder from a more energized place, an abundant energy. But when I had the coaches that would just degrade you and put you down and call your names in front of your teammates and make you feel bad, it would drive me to try to be better, but it was always harder. And I never felt satisfied. I never felt fulfilled. I always felt like even when I accomplished something, it still wasn't good enough.

• 21:52Mel Robbins?

  Yeah.

• 21:52Lewis Howes?

  And then I repeat that pattern. Like, okay, I'm going to accomplish, but it's not enough to feel loved. And so I keep accomplishing in order to feel loved, but I still don't love myself because it's not good enough.

• 22:02Mel Robbins?

  Yeah.

• 22:02Lewis Howes?

  So let me go for the next thing.

• 22:03Mel Robbins?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 22:05Lewis Howes?

  It's funny because I have a photo on my phone that my therapist told me to do this exercise like eight months ago, which was a strategy for me to reclaim the love for myself. So I have a photo of my childhood self. I don't know if people can see this on YouTube. But a photo of me, this is probably when I was like five or six, maybe I was seven. But something that I've tried to do and really been integrating in my life is to reconnect with the child where I felt like I stopped loving myself.

• 22:38Mel Robbins?

  Okay, so let's talk about this right now. You ready? So let me talk about this image. So let's talk about the Lewis this age.

• 22:46Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 22:46Mel Robbins?

  Standing in front of a mirror.

• 22:48Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. And what I do is I stand in front of myself as a child. I imagine myself. But to do it, imagine looking at the mirror as yourself.

• 22:55Mel Robbins?

  Yes.

• 22:56Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 22:56Mel Robbins?

  Well, what I'm trying to say is when you were this age and you stood in front of the mirror.

• 23:01Mel Robbins?

  You had a totally different relationship with yourself because you still loved yourself.

• 23:04Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 23:05Mel Robbins?

  You still thought that you were a great kid and you wanted all the things that the adult Louis wants.

• 23:11Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 23:11Mel Robbins?

  You want to feel loved, you want to feel seen, you want to feel heard, you want to feel like you matter. And you, in seeing yourself when you were this age, felt those things for yourself.

• 23:21Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, absolutely. And somewhere along the way, you lost it.

• 23:24Mel Robbins?

  Correct. And so what I'm trying to say is that when you stand in front of this mirror, exactly what Louis is talking about, when you've got coaches that scream at you and degrade you and, and, you know, sure, it makes you run faster, but it leaves its mark.

• 23:39Lewis Howes?

  It does.

• 23:39Mel Robbins?

  It leaves its mark. And so there's research, so let me talk about why this is so motivating, particularly because so many of your audience love sports, right? So they did a study where they looked at NBA teams. And what they wanted to take a look at was, does fist bumps, backpats, some high fives make a difference in a team winning? Touch, right?

• 24:00Lewis Howes?

  Didn't they do like a 2020 special or something?

• 24:03Mel Robbins?

  I don't know, but if they did, I need to watch it.

• 24:04Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 24:05Mel Robbins?

  But so like the power of touch, but I think it's deeper. It's the power of encouragement.

• 24:10Lewis Howes?

  Hmm, interesting.

• 24:10Mel Robbins?

  And so what they found is that in the study, at least, in the years that they looked at, you could take a look at the teams that made it to the championships in the NBA, go all the way back to the preseason, and those were the teams that had the most number of fist bumps and backpats and high fives. Yep. And the same was true about the teams that were the lowest in the league at the end of the season. They had the least amount of fist bumps, high fives and touch. Why?

• 24:37Lewis Howes?

  They're the least encouraging.

• 24:38Mel Robbins?

  Correct. Those sorts of gestures build trust and partnership. I'm telling you, when you stand in front of a mirror and ignore yourself, you're like the losing NBA team.

• 24:49Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 24:50Mel Robbins?

  Selfish, on your own, isolated, you're not in partnership with the person you're staring at in the mirror. You don't have your own back because you're ignoring yourself.

• 24:59Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 25:00Mel Robbins?

  There's another study, and this one is, I think, even more powerful. So they did this study where they wanted to know what's the most motivating thing to help somebody get through a really big challenge. They divide, the researchers divide kids into three groups, right? And they gave each of the groups of kids very challenging problems to work through. And they wanted to measure, okay, how resilient, how long would they work, what were their attitudes like? And then they measured it based on, well, what form of praise or support are we going to give each one of these groups? And let's see what's the most empowering. Interesting. First group gets what we know to be the fixed mindset stuff. The praise was all verbal praise and it was simply about a trait.

• 25:44Mel Robbins?

  Louis, you are so smart. Louis, you know, you are a super student praising something that is just sort of a compliment about you. The second group of students working on a challenging problem got praise based on work ethic, so something in their control. Oh, Louis, you're working so hard. Louis, you got such good perseverance. Louis, you know, you're really like just grinding away over there. Good job. Those guys did better than Louis, you're smart. Louis, hardworking, better. The third group, the researchers simply walked up, did not say a word, and high-fived the kid. Really? That's it. That's it. That group, literally, exponentially more motivated, worked longer, worked through more challenging problems.

• 26:29Mel Robbins?

  Now here's the big question, why? Why would a simple high-five with no verbal praise be more empowering and motivating and inspiring and develop more resilience and confidence and motivation inside somebody? And the reason why is this. A high-five affirms your deepest fundamental needs. It's not just a gesture. When you high-five somebody, particularly somebody who has either blown the free throw shot, or is working on something difficult, or going through a really hard time, when you high-five them, you're saying, I see you. When you high-five them during a challenge, you actually are acknowledging, I know this is hard.

• 27:14Mel Robbins?

  So the person feels heard.

• 27:17Mel Robbins?

  And because it's one to one, and you have to be really intentional. Like if you and I go to high five, like we have to focus on it. That was a good one.

• 27:24Lewis Howes?

  That was good.

• 27:24Mel Robbins?

  If you miss it, what do you do?

• 27:26Lewis Howes?

  You gotta do it again.

• 27:27Mel Robbins?

  Correct.

• 27:27Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 27:28Mel Robbins?

  So there's an intentionality behind it, and that makes you feel like you're being affirmed as a unique individual.

• 27:36Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 27:37Mel Robbins?

  And so, all of those things are in that one gesture. Now, it goes even more. So, there's even more here. So I was talking to our buddy, Dr. Daniel Amen, right? And so, one of the world's leading experts on brains. He's got like 60,000 brain scans.

• 27:52Lewis Howes?

  I think it's like 120,000.

• 27:53Mel Robbins?

  Oh, is it at this point?

• 27:54Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, it's crazy, yeah.

• 27:55Mel Robbins?

  So, he was so excited about the high five habit. He completely geeked out. He's like, "Oh, my gosh, yes, yes, yes." He's like, "Yes, in aerobics, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes." So, we then, he said, "Let me tell you what else is going on, Mel." And I'm like, "Really? There's more?" He said, "Yeah." He said, "You know how when you do it, you said you felt like a little kind of boost in your mood?" He said, "Well, there are two things going on there." He said, "First of all, when you cross a finish line in a race, what do you do?"

• 28:22Lewis Howes?

  Put your hands up.

• 28:23Mel Robbins?

  Yeah. What do you do when your favorite team scores?

• 28:25Lewis Howes?

  You high five someone?

• 28:26Mel Robbins?

  Yeah, you high five somebody. What do you do at a musical concert? Yay! What do you do, you know, you're raising your hand in celebration when you high five somebody, or fist bump them, or put your arm around them. That raised arm gesture, in a positive sense, triggers your nervous system to tingle with celebration. It's the energy of celebration, even if you're going through something difficult. And even more, you get a dopamine drip when you do this. And so, part of the reason why you feel this kind of shift in your mood, and you feel a little bit of like, "Oh, okay, I can do, I can face this, I can do this, I got this," is because of the dopamine, it's because of the nervous system, and it's because of all of this positive programming associated with that gesture. Isn't that crazy?

• 29:10Lewis Howes?

  That's powerful. That's powerful. I mean, so what does someone do, though, if they just constantly have the negative self-talk in their mind that they're no good? Do they go in front of the mirror, you know, every 10 minutes and do this?

• 29:22Mel Robbins?

  No.

• 29:22Lewis Howes?

  Or is there another strategy behind the negative self-talk?

• 29:25Mel Robbins?

  Well, okay, so first things first, definitely make this high five in the mirror a habit, okay? So, start practicing it. Give it five to 10 days and start to see what happens. The second thing that you can do with negative self-talk, okay, is you need to... Start to interrupt it. So the thing about negative self-talk is that it is typically something you've engaged in since you were yay high. And in addition to it being wired into your brain, it is also something that can get triggered by your nervous system in stressful situations. And so the first step, and we can talk more about the filter in your brain and how the

• 30:07Mel Robbins?

  filter in your brain is causing you to stay stuck in a lot of this negative self-talk and how to use your mind to help you. But the first step is you gotta do the awful part of getting self-aware

• 30:22Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 30:22Mel Robbins?

  of what the voice is saying. And the way that you do that, there's a couple techniques that you can use to create what researchers or psychologists call objectivity. You want to separate yourself from the voice.

• 30:35Lewis Howes?

  Yep.

• 30:36Mel Robbins?

  So you can do what Lewis is doing. He's writing down right now in a journal. You can keep just a little notebook with you and you can kind of catalog when your attitude tanks and what are you actually saying to yourself.

• 30:47Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. So should we write down all the things we're saying?

• 30:49Mel Robbins?

  You could.

• 30:49Lewis Howes?

  Negative about ourselves?

• 30:50Mel Robbins?

  You can. You can. I personally do it this way. I start to notice when I feel down or I start to notice when my energy drops. And then I tune into what I'm thinking about and if it's negative, I go 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

• 31:06Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 31:07Mel Robbins?

  I literally notice, oh, you're sitting there thinking you're a bad person again. Oh, you're sitting there thinking that somebody's mad at you again. Oh, you're sitting there thinking that you screw everything up again. Oh, you're sitting there thinking that you, that nothing ever works out for you. Oh, you're sitting there thinking that you've blown it. Interesting. And then I go 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 and I go, I'm not thinking about that. That's the most basic technique to use because what I want you to do, since this is like operating on autopilot, it's encoded right here. When you're not really thinking, this is what's running, kind of like the soundtrack of your life. When you just start to notice that you have a thought that's not helping you. You can't control that it popped up, but guess what you can do? You can smack it down.

• 31:50Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 31:51Mel Robbins?

  And so I use the five-second rule, which we've talked about a lot on your show. Count backwards, five, four, three, two, one. The counting backwards awakens your prefrontal cortex. It gives you a moment of control. And then, the way to build distance, Louis, is say, "I'm not thinking about that." And here's why. You're so used to thinking this way, I can't just say, "Stop thinking you're fat and start thinking that you love your body."

• 32:14Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 32:14Mel Robbins?

  It's not gonna happen.

• 32:15Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 32:15Mel Robbins?

  It's not gonna happen.

• 32:16Lewis Howes?

  Right, right.

• 32:17Mel Robbins?

  So you've gotta go, "Oh, there I am. I'm trashing the way that I look. I'm telling myself that I'm overweight, I look like, I'm hideous, nobody's gonna love me." Be like, "Five, four, three, two, one." I am not thinking about that.

• 32:29Mel Robbins?

  It's an act of defiance.

• 32:30Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 32:31Mel Robbins?

  See, I want you to go from these negative thought patterns to a more positive, empowering, high-five attitude.

• 32:40Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 32:41Mel Robbins?

  Because if you continue to live in, "I'm fat, I'm unworthy, no one's gonna love me, I've screwed up my life," that will be your life.

• 32:49Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 32:50Mel Robbins?

  And the trick on this is, I'm not saying, "Change your thoughts and unicorns appear."

• 32:59Mel Robbins?

  I'm saying, "Change your thoughts so you stop the 24/7 beat-down."

• 33:06Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 33:07Mel Robbins?

  And learn how to lift yourself up so that you can face the things that are going on in your life. And so that you can take the actions that you need to take to change your life. Because the reason why you're not changing is not because you're not capable. It's not because of the trauma, or your past, or anything else. It's because of the beat-down. That's why you're not changing.

• 33:32Lewis Howes?

  It's draining.

• 33:33Mel Robbins?

  It's draining. It's demoralizing. It is, and by the way, if you constantly are like, "I'm unlovable, I'm worthy, I'm this, I'm that," why on earth would you feel motivated, or do you think you deserve to change? If that's the thing in your mind.

• 33:47Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 33:48Mel Robbins?

  It doesn't work. And so, pay attention. When you feel your energy go negative, you're like, "Oh, okay, what am I, oh, whoa, that's disgusting." Five, four, I'm not thinking about that. You don't have to insert anything else. Let's just practice shutting it the hell up.

• 34:02Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 34:02Mel Robbins?

  The second thing you can do is, once you kind of get good at interrupting it, I want you to, um, name, like, let's turn it into a character.

• 34:12Mel Robbins?

  So I did this with our son Oakley when he was struggling pretty profoundly with anxiety when he was in the fifth grade. He named his anxiety Oliver. And then we asked him to describe Oliver. And Oliver was like this pimply-faced kid that, what is that, The Diary of the Wimpy Kid kind of bully-looking kid? And whenever the negative worries and stuff would come up, he would literally, you could literally hear him go, "Oliver, shut up." And it is the ability, what's happening when you name it and picture the person, is that you're able to detach yourself from that voice in your mind that's talking.

• 34:56Mel Robbins?

  Because that voice is typically a caregiver that either talks to you that way, or talks to themselves that way, or some bully, or some trauma experience, or some nasty coach that beat this into your head. It's from somebody else. And so we want you to separate yourselves so you can be like, "Oh, that's what Oliver sounds like. That's not actually how I want to talk to myself."

• 35:16Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 35:17Mel Robbins?

  And so identifying it, interrupting it, and then you can get into the really incredible magic of rewiring your brain to work for you.

• 35:25Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. I think Ethan Cross, who's a psychologist out of the University of Michigan, has a book called Chatter, which is about all the different psychological strategies for eliminating the negative self-talk and improving the quality of your mind. And he says, "Start coaching yourself, just like you would have a great coach coaching you. Have someone, like a character in your mind, coaching you, celebrating you with your self-talk to help you kind of shift out of that by interrupt it, then coach yourself."

• 35:57Mel Robbins?

  Yeah, what would Lewis say to me? What would Mel say to me?

• 35:59Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 36:00Mel Robbins?

  And here's the tricky part of this. So the tricky part of this is that I personally think most mantras are also complete garbage. And the reason why I say that is because you don't friggin' believe them.

• 36:11Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 36:12Mel Robbins?

  So if you think you're worthless, you're never going to be able to stand in front of a mirror and change your life by going, "I'm worthy." Because your brain's like... No, you're not. We've been talking about this for your life. You're not worthy. You know what I'm saying? So you have to interrupt it. And if you're going to try to replace it, what you need to do are two things. Number one, you have got to come up with, I should have called it pathetic mantra, because it would have been easier to remember. In the book, I called it a meaningful mantra. We should just call it a pathetic mantra. You need to come up with something that's like, okay. You know, like if you're really like bad and you think you're a horrible person, like, don't make your mantra, "I'm amazing." Make your mantra like, "I'm doing the best I can."

• 36:54Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 36:55Mel Robbins?

  That's it.

• 36:56Lewis Howes?

  Something simple.

• 36:57Mel Robbins?

  Yeah, you can believe that, right? You can believe, "I'm trying. You know, I'm not meaning to screw up. I'm doing the best I can." Like, that, I believe.

• 37:05Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 37:05Mel Robbins?

  And that's better than, "Boy..."

• 37:09Lewis Howes?

  "I'm the best in the world right now."

• 37:10Mel Robbins?

  Yeah, no. You're never gonna believe that. Ever, ever, ever. Like, for example, if you struggle with, with health and weight and stuff, it's probably gonna be hard for you to stand in front of a mirror and be like, "I love my body." Because you've been rejecting it. So instead, look at yourself in the mirror and use a meaningful mantra. "I deserve to feel healthy."

• 37:29Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 37:30Mel Robbins?

  And "I'm gonna treat myself" in a way that proves it.

• 37:34Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 37:35Mel Robbins?

  That's it. That's different. It's different because it's believable. The only other thing that will change the way that you think is behavioral activation therapy. So there's a lot of the tools in this book that are grounded as a baseline in the body of research around behavioral activation therapy, which I know you talk about all the time on the show, which is basically, act like the person you want to become.

• 38:00Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 38:00Mel Robbins?

  If you want to be more like Lewis, act like Lewis. Follow his morning routine. Take his advice. Interrupt the garbage Oliver in your head. Five or three, "I'm not talking to you, Oliver." What would Lewis say to me? How would Lewis talk to Lewis? And start to act like the person you want to become, and something interesting happens. And this is why the high five works, by the way, because it is an action. You are acting like somebody who believes in and loves themself.

• 38:30Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 38:31Mel Robbins?

  That's why it works.

• 38:32Lewis Howes?

  Move into motion. Don't just think only, but move in action.

• 38:35Mel Robbins?

  Yes, so when you see yourself, you know, we always talk about positive morning routines. Let's talk about negative ones, okay? Because your negative patterns are the reason why you have horrible self-talk.

• 38:50Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 38:50Mel Robbins?

  Like, when I was in law school, I hated my life. My anxiety was out of control. I was out of control. I hated law school. And so my behavior actually reflected my state of mind. I would wake up hungover. I would immediately think, oh, my God, I'm late. I would then reach for a cigarette and light it. Then I would run around the apartment, getting dressed and trying to find everything because nothing was organized. I would then quickly drive to Dunkin' Donuts, even though I had no time, to stop for a coffee. I'd get a big, old coffee with four sugars and two creams. Smoking another cigarette on the way, speeding my whole way there. Then I would sit in class, be panic-stricken about being called on. Same thing again. Then I would sit at lunch, pick at a salad, gossip with friends, avoid the homework.

• 39:34Mel Robbins?

  Then I would go to the library, procrastinate forever. Then I would drive home, split a bottle of wine with my roommate, fall asleep, wake up, repeat. When you see somebody's actions, you can typically predict just how bad they're trapped in their mind.

• 39:48Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely.

• 39:49Mel Robbins?

  But I think we all are. I mean, I think even people that have healthy habits don't have a healthy relationship with themselves. That your self-talk is ground zero. Because how you talk to yourself, what you think about yourself when you look in the mirror, that sort of default setting in your mind, jeez Louise. I mean, it makes me really sad, honestly. I gave my first speech in two years because of the pandemic, yesterday in Salt Lake. And there was a book line. And even though everybody had masks and they were six feet away, you could see the pain in people's eyes.

• 40:30Mel Robbins?

  The isolation, the sadness, the overwhelm, the feeling of uncertainty.

• 40:37Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 40:38Mel Robbins?

  And I think that people are feeling way more uncertain and afraid than they're actually saying right now. That the sustained amount of change that we've been having to manage, it's too much, you know? It's a lot. And if you stand in front of the mirror... And you can't see somebody that's worth supporting through this. You're just gonna continue to go down. Because the one person that you spend your whole life with is you.

• 41:10Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 41:11Mel Robbins?

  And this is the relationship you need to be working on. Like, you wanna be loved? You better learn how to love yourself. You wanna feel worthy? Stop looking for it out there and treat yourself like you're worthy. How do you do that? Well, by pushing through the resistance and raising your head. Like, if you can't frickin' high-five your reflection.

• 41:33Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 41:34Mel Robbins?

  You can't do that. How the [bleep] are you going to make things happen in your life? If you don't think you are worthy of support and celebration, particularly when life is hard.

• 41:47Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, how you gonna believe that other people are gonna do that for you as well? If you can't do it for yourself, why would other people?

• 41:53Mel Robbins?

  Well, actually, this is why people's relationships don't work out. Because you're looking outside yourself for the things you actually need.

• 42:00Lewis Howes?

  For validation.

• 42:01Mel Robbins?

  Correct. You are chasing people and seeking validation in romantic relationships. And that will end when you can stand in front of that mirror and validate yourself. When you build yourself up, when you support yourself, you show up totally differently for everybody else. When you know that you can have your own back, you're not gonna be looking for the validation from your boss or your friends or all these other things. People have problems with boundaries because they can't look themselves in the eye. So how are they gonna look somebody else in the eye and say, "Actually, this doesn't work for me"?

• 42:33Lewis Howes?

  What about when things start to shift? And we start to see, "Oh, here's a great potential relationship I could get into." Or, "I got a great job opportunity," or "Something's coming my way." How do we learn to not self-sabotage the good things that come to us?

• 42:48Mel Robbins?

  So give me an example. Like, how have you self-sabotaged things in your life?

• 42:55Lewis Howes?

  I can't think of a good answer. I don't think I really do that that much. But I know, I know that other people do, and it's a big issue. Maybe, I'm trying to think.

• 43:04Mel Robbins?

  Okay, so, I'll tell you.

• 43:05Lewis Howes?

  But if people get into a good relationship.

• 43:07Mel Robbins?

  This is a really big answer, though. You ready?

• 43:09Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 43:09Mel Robbins?

  Okay, so now let's detour into the lane, we talked about this on the last time I was on. But let's detour into the lane of anxiety, of patterns and trauma. And talk about why people self-sabotage.

• 43:24Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 43:25Mel Robbins?

  People don't self-sabotage intentionally.

• 43:31Mel Robbins?

  Nobody wakes up in the morning and says, "Today, I'm gonna screw up my life."

• 43:36Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 43:37Mel Robbins?

  "That's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna drink myself on the ground. I'm gonna cheat on my wife. I'm gonna embezzle for my company. I'm gonna lie to everybody about how I'm actually feeling. I'm gonna stop taking my meds. I'm gonna kick the dog." Like, nobody does that. What happens is people get triggered.

• 43:54Lewis Howes?

  And they react.

• 43:55Mel Robbins?

  And then they fall into old patterns. And so what happens, I believe, in relationships, in particular, or jobs, where you're like, "This time, it's gonna be different," is it's different for the first three to six months when it's novel, and when you're intentional, and when everything counts.

• 44:16Lewis Howes?

  Then when you gotta face yourself.

• 44:18Mel Robbins?

  Then when it becomes like, part of your life, you get lazy, and you slip into old patterns. Or when the stakes get really high. Let's say you're somebody who had a parent die early, or your dad abandoned the family, and you're scared to love somebody. And so you fall deeply for somebody. And then what gets triggered is this tremendous fear that they're gonna leave.

• 44:42Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 44:42Mel Robbins?

  Because that's your lived experience. And if you go back to what you did as a child to cope with that fear that somebody's going to leave, that's the exact pattern that you will repeat as an adult. The only way to end this, or to try to get your arms around it, is to attack it holistically. Because so much of this happens at the subconscious level, and it also, it gets triggered first by your nervous system, and you're not even aware of it.

• 45:12Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 45:12Mel Robbins?

  And so there's a tool that I talk about in this book called "High Fiving Your Heart."

• 45:18Lewis Howes?

  Your heart.

• 45:18Mel Robbins?

  Your heart, yep. So you, you, what you do, and, and I started doing this because I was having this incredible response from past trauma happened when the pandemic hit. So when the pandemic hit, I started waking up feeling like something was terribly wrong. And I would, it would start in my ankles and it would flood up my legs and go all the way up my body and I would feel this wave come up. My immediate thought is something's wrong. And my heart would start to race and I'd feel this full-on like anxiety response. And I know what that is now.

• 46:01Mel Robbins?

  So I now know that the anxiety response of waking up, which so many people do, this is really actually very, very common.

• 46:11Lewis Howes?

  People wake up anxious.

• 46:13Mel Robbins?

  Yes, feeling like they're in trouble or something's wrong or something's about to go wrong.

• 46:18Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, that's not good.

• 46:18Mel Robbins?

  Well, if you grew up in a chaotic household.

• 46:21Lewis Howes?

  That's normal.

• 46:21Mel Robbins?

  Yep. If you had a caregiver that gave you the silent treatment or had mental illness or had a drinking problem.

• 46:28Lewis Howes?

  Narcissistic.

• 46:28Mel Robbins?

  There was abuse in your house, yep. You did wake up.

• 46:32Lewis Howes?

  Anxious.

• 46:32Mel Robbins?

  Yeah, because your anxiety, by the way, was trying to protect you. It was putting you in a state of being alert so that you were ready in case something happened. But for a ton of us, Louis, we have lived our whole lives with a dysregulated nervous system. That's what I've come to learn during the pandemic, that I have literally lived since probably the fourth grade with my nervous system never truly resetting back to a calm resting state. And so I started to wake up every morning in the pandemic, like so many people did. But, and I've always kind of had this sort of wake up and feeling like something's wrong, like, uh-oh, you know, Chris is mad. Like, my first thing is like, Chris is already up, he's meditating, he's angry that I've slept 15 minutes longer than him.

• 47:14Mel Robbins?

  Like, it's so stupid, you know, this is how we torture ourselves. But during the pandemic, it was like a full-on anxiety response. And so I started doing this thing where I would put my hands on my heart, like right in the center of my chest. I got big mitts, just like you, so you can kind of hit the whole thing. Take a deep breath and then I would say, I'm okay. I'm safe, I'm loved. If you can say those things, in this moment, it's true. You are okay. You are safe and you are loved, whether you're waking up in a mansion or a homeless shelter. And what would happen, as I was doing this, high-fiving my heart, is you're pressing on the vagus nerve. Like, that's what you're actually toning. It's the same thing that Wim Hof is teaching with the ice bath.

• 47:59Mel Robbins?

  You're toning your vagus nerve. And what the vagus nerve is, as you very well know, because you talk about on the show, is it's the switch between your sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system. Fight or flight versus rest. So if you ever find yourself in a stressful state, put your, give your heart a high five. Put your hands on your heart, go, "I'm okay, I'm safe, I'm loved." Repeat it 111 times if you need to. What you'll feel is you'll feel your nervous system start to settle. You'll feel yourself come back into your body, you'll feel your mind slow down. And you will literally take control of your nervous system. It is unbelievable, and it's also really important because, you know, in researching this book,

• 48:39Mel Robbins?

  I talked to, you know, the acclaimed Dr. Judy Willis, who's an incredible neuroscientist. And she explained something I never knew, but it makes a lot of sense. If your nervous system is on edge, it's in a, like, alert state, you're dysregulated, it's impossible for your cognitive function of your brain to work. I can give you an example. If somebody were to bust in here with a gun and try to rob us, would you be able to do a math problem?

• 49:09Lewis Howes?

  No.

• 49:09Mel Robbins?

  No.

• 49:10Lewis Howes?

  Like, just thinking, "Safety."

• 49:11Mel Robbins?

  Yes, exactly.

• 49:13Lewis Howes?

  Saved my life.

• 49:14Mel Robbins?

  I can't, I, I bet the majority of people actually walk around with a nervous system that is on edge like that, particularly post-pandemic. And for me, the reason why, I've actually linked it all the way back. So when I was in the fourth grade, I was molested while I was sleeping by an older kid. And in the, um, kind of array of things that can happen in terms of sexual abuse, mine was very tame. Like, it was a one-time incident, it was a kid who's slightly older than me, it was confusing, not scary. I just possumed, disassociated, don't even remember how it ended. And for a long time, I didn't even remember it.

• 49:56Mel Robbins?

  And then I remembered it when I was 28 years old. And I believe that the reason why I have always woken up in a state on edge

• 50:07Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 50:08Mel Robbins?

  is because of that incident.

• 50:10Lewis Howes?

  Since the 4th grade?

• 50:11Mel Robbins?

  Yes.

• 50:12Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 50:12Mel Robbins?

  And the thing is, Louis, is that I, you know, the morning's a trigger. If you have that stored in your body, something happened to you, something happened to you, something's wrong, something's wrong, because something was wrong. And you don't have the tools, and no kid does, to smooth out your nervous system and heal the trauma, that trauma lives in your body.

• 50:34Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 50:35Mel Robbins?

  And so I believe most self sabotaging behavior that people continue to repeat is nothing but stored trauma, and your best ability to cope with it when it was happening.

• 50:49Lewis Howes?

  That's why we sabotage?

• 50:50Mel Robbins?

  Yes. So I don't think it's intentional. I really don't. Like even somebody who's diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, they don't know that they have that. Like they're not intent, like there's not, it's like such a programmed behavior, there's no, I'm gonna go do the, I'm in love with this person, let's go screw it up.

• 51:11Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 51:11Mel Robbins?

  That's not what happens. And this is also why I'm telling you, I know I'm crazy passionate about this topic, of this standing in front of the mirror and changing how you see yourself. If you don't get a hold of that story, I'm worthless, I'm unlovable, I screw everything up, I'm a bad person, I'm not good enough, nothing works out for me, if you don't change that and start cheering yourself forward, you will stay locked in these self sabotaging patterns, because you will act in a way that you believe it, subconsciously or unconsciously. I know, it's heavy. Oh, sorry, I keep sorry.

• 51:48Lewis Howes?

  It's all good, yeah.

• 51:51Lewis Howes?

  Man, so you're saying you're 52 right now, as you said?

• 51:55Mel Robbins?

  Yeah.

• 51:56Lewis Howes?

  So you're saying I have a lot of work to do still for the rest of my life? It doesn't end, huh?

• 52:00Mel Robbins?

  I don't actually, I don't know. I don't know if you screwed up your life as much as I did. So I think it's like, and I don't know how much you torture yourself.

• 52:06Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 52:07Mel Robbins?

  I'm really good at torturing myself, or at least I used to be. And so back to your original question about learning to love yourself. I also think that even if you're wildly successful, whether it's successful in your relationship or successful at work, a lot of us, the more successful we become, the harder we are on ourselves. We harp on the things that aren't going right instead of really focusing on the things that are going well.

• 52:30Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, we don't celebrate enough.

• 52:31Mel Robbins?

  Yes.

• 52:32Lewis Howes?

  Just on to the next, or what could have been more perfect, or something like that.

• 52:35Mel Robbins?

  Yes.

• 52:36Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 52:38Lewis Howes?

  What is that saying to ourselves when we don't celebrate the hard work we put in?

• 52:43Mel Robbins?

  You're not worthy of it. You haven't done enough. Even this amazing podcast that you have is enough, Louis. I'll high five you when, you know, I sell it for a hundred million dollars. Or I'll high five you, right? It rings true because it's true.

• 52:59Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 53:00Mel Robbins?

  Yeah, I'm not there yet. And somehow if I celebrate this, am I gonna get the big thing? Like, think about a marathon. So a marathon, I think life is a marathon. And if you've ever watched a marathon or run a marathon?

• 53:14Lewis Howes?

  I'm running one in a few months.

• 53:15Mel Robbins?

  Are you?

• 53:15Lewis Howes?

  My first one.

• 53:16Mel Robbins?

  Oh, fantastic.

• 53:17Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, I'm a little terrified.

• 53:18Mel Robbins?

  Why?

• 53:19Lewis Howes?

  You've done it?

• 53:19Mel Robbins?

  Yeah, I've run four of them. Well, run is a very aggressive...

• 53:22Lewis Howes?

  Jog, run?

• 53:24Mel Robbins?

  Sorta.

• 53:24Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 53:25Mel Robbins?

  Like, you know, if over five hours could be, you know...

• 53:27Lewis Howes?

  Okay, you finish?

• 53:29Mel Robbins?

  Yeah, I finish. I walk through the, you know, the water things. But you're a big guy, so it might be hard on your knees.

• 53:34Lewis Howes?

  That's what I'm saying, yeah.

• 53:35Mel Robbins?

  So here's the thing that you're gonna love about it.

• 53:37Lewis Howes?

  Okay, tell me.

• 53:38Mel Robbins?

  The entire time you're running, spectators are high fiving you.

• 53:44Lewis Howes?

  It gets you through it?

• 53:44Mel Robbins?

  Yes.

• 53:45Lewis Howes?

  That's what I keep saying. I'm like, I feel like running alone is so not fun.

• 53:50Mel Robbins?

  If you can do a 13-mile training run...

• 53:52Lewis Howes?

  I did a 13-mile, yeah.

• 53:54Mel Robbins?

  Yes.

• 53:55Lewis Howes?

  A few months ago.

• 53:55Mel Robbins?

  Then you can run a marathon.

• 53:57Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 53:57Mel Robbins?

  Well, because...

• 53:58Lewis Howes?

  It's just gonna get you through it, right?

• 54:00Mel Robbins?

  Well, all of the people get you through it.

• 54:01Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 54:02Mel Robbins?

  Every high five is a transfer of energy. It's a transfer of belief.

• 54:07Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 54:08Mel Robbins?

  It drips dopamine. It, what did Dr. Amen say? It actually harnesses the energy of celebration in your nervous system. Every high five says, "Keep going." It says, "I believe in you." It says, "You're gonna, you're gonna get there." It makes you enjoy it.

• 54:25Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 54:26Mel Robbins?

  The same thing happens in your bathroom mirror.

• 54:29Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 54:29Mel Robbins?

  If you have big goals, you better stand in front of that mirror and high five yourself every day. Every single step of the way. Stop looking around and waiting for everybody else to do it. Start giving it to yourself and you will be shocked at how much more quickly things start to happen, at how much more joy you experience along the way, at how much more present you are.

• 54:53Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 54:54Mel Robbins?

  It's wild.

• 54:55Lewis Howes?

  What's the difference between high fiving yourself in the mirror versus high fiving your partner or best friend or business partner?

• 55:02Mel Robbins?

  You already do that.

• 55:03Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 55:03Mel Robbins?

  You're already throwing all this energy at everybody else.

• 55:05Lewis Howes?

  Uh huh.

• 55:06Mel Robbins?

  And then you get pissed off when it doesn't come back to you.

• 55:09Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 55:10Mel Robbins?

  Yeah. Take some of that and give it back to yourself.

• 55:13Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 55:13Mel Robbins?

  Improve the connection you have with yourself. And this isn't about like pumping yourself up to think you're like the best person on the planet. This is like the baseline. This is literally like, you know what? You're gonna have an okay day, let's go do this.

• 55:26Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 55:27Mel Robbins?

  You know what? I see you, I know this is hard, keep going. I know you're supposed to have this hard conversation with this person, I believe you can do it.

• 55:33Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 55:33Mel Robbins?

  Let's go.

• 55:34Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 55:35Mel Robbins?

  Like it's just one little boost along the way. You know, if you think about the things that go viral, it's little kids in front of a mirror with their parents getting them to talk affirmation.

• 55:44Lewis Howes?

  Believing themselves, yeah.

• 55:44Mel Robbins?

  Correct. We all know that's how we're supposed to feel.

• 55:49Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 55:50Mel Robbins?

  But we feel weird and cheesy practicing it? You kidding me?

• 55:54Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 55:56Mel Robbins?

  The other thing that goes viral, all these teachers that are high fiving and fist bumping kids with this handshake as they go in and the mirror one with the I am that just kinda went viral. Why do we all love that? Because we know each one of those kids just felt seen and felt good and felt motivated walking into that classroom.

• 56:12Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 56:13Mel Robbins?

  Start your day that way.

• 56:15Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, they feel empowered.

• 56:16Mel Robbins?

  Yes.

• 56:16Lewis Howes?

  It's easier to learn from a place of empowerment than

• 56:19Mel Robbins?

  Correct. Negative self-talk. I'm glad you're here.

• 56:21Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 56:22Mel Robbins?

  I see you.

• 56:22Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 56:23Mel Robbins?

  Glad you showed up today.

• 56:24Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 56:24Mel Robbins?

  Let's go do this.

• 56:25Lewis Howes?

  That's cool. I'm curious about manifesting. You've been really good at manifesting results in your life, especially since the last book.

• 56:36Lewis Howes?

  What is your thoughts on how to manifest?

• 56:38Mel Robbins?

  Yeah, everyone's doing it wrong, that's my thoughts.

• 56:40Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 56:41Mel Robbins?

  Yeah.

• 56:41Lewis Howes?

  Then how should we manifest the dreams that we have inside of us?

• 56:46Mel Robbins?

  Okay.

• 56:46Lewis Howes?

  And what's your thoughts about the law of attraction? On how to apply it the right way or?

• 56:52Mel Robbins?

  Yeah, I think, well, I think the law of attraction and manifesting are the same thing. So, law of attraction, for everybody who has not read The Secret, is simply your thoughts become things. And it's true, we've talked all about how when you have a negative self-talk, it tends to draw more of that to you. I think about it like lint in a dryer. Once negative stuff starts to collecting, it collects a lot more. We can also talk about your brain filter, or something called the reticular activity system, and how it is a live network that filters the brain. We'll dig into that deeper, but let's do surface level right now, manifesting law of attraction. So, here's what everybody gets wrong about manifesting. Everybody, at least kind of in the mass market,

• 57:34Mel Robbins?

  what you're trained to think about when you think about manifesting is vision boards. And when you hear the word vision boards, you think about the big stuff. Should you have big dreams? Of course you should! Should you dream of building a mansion on the ocean, if that's your thing? Yes. Should you dream of the log cabin? Yes. If you want a Lamborghini or the new Ford Bronco, should you? Yeah, yes, yes, yes. If you want the family, if you want the body, should you think about? Yeah, absolutely. Here's where everybody goes wrong. You dream about the end, you make this gorgeous collage of all this stuff that has nothing to do with your current life.

• 58:13Mel Robbins?

  That literally, as you're sitting in your studio apartment with the cat box that hasn't been changed in two weeks.

• 58:19Lewis Howes?

  No food in the fridge.

• 58:20Mel Robbins?

  No food in the fridge. And you're looking for a job, and you're staring at a mansion going, "Someday..." It's gonna make you feel like a loser. Because the gap between where you are and where you want to go, it seems insurmountable. And so what happens, based on the research, is when you only visualize the end game, Louis, it's demotivating. At first, it's really fun to like have a bottle of wine and make your like collage. I'm gonna visualize, I'm gonna slap this up. There's my vision board, this is fabulous. Law of attraction, baby, come on. I'm gonna think about it, it's gonna come to me.

• 58:55Mel Robbins?

  Okay, I've been doing this for two days. I'm still in this apartment with the cat box that needs to be changed. The way to visualize properly is to visualize the bridge. Between where you are and where you need to go.

• 59:09Lewis Howes?

  The bridge.

• 59:09Mel Robbins?

  Yes, and particularly the horrible stuff. So let's use your example of the marathon. The vision board would be Louis crossing.

• 59:21Lewis Howes?

  With the arms up at the metal.

• 59:23Mel Robbins?

  Yeah, the arms up at the metal, exactly.

• 59:24Lewis Howes?

  High fives, yeah, I did it.

• 59:25Mel Robbins?

  Yes, I did it, exactly. That will not help you. Because when you hit mile 13 on the actual race and it is sleeting rain.

• 59:34Lewis Howes?

  You're saying, "Why am I doing this?"

• 59:36Mel Robbins?

  Yes, and it feels nothing like that thing on your vision board. You're going to start a negative dialogue. "I can't do this, my knees hurt, this is not what I thought it was gonna be, I'm not ready for this, I didn't train for this, I'm running New York, I trained in LA." Are you running in New York?

• 59:50Lewis Howes?

  LA.

• 59:50Mel Robbins?

  Okay, good, well then at least you trained in the right weather. So on and on and on, and you are going to tank yourself. What you do by visualizing the bridge is you train your nervous system and your mind to do the hard work. So you should visualize not crossing the finish line, but what is it like to be at mile 12 when your batteries run out on your earbuds?

• 1:00:13Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:13Mel Robbins?

  No, I'm serious, and you keep going. What's it like when your shoelace breaks and now your heel is lifting and you're starting to get a blood blister at mile 17? What's it feel like when you wake up and it is pouring rain? And you visualize yourself running anyway. That way, when you visualize the work, you are preparing your body for it, so you're not resistant to it when it comes.

• 1:00:41Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:41Mel Robbins?

  Isn't that cool?

• 1:00:43Lewis Howes?

  I think it's great, it's um... A story that I had, George St Pierre, who's one of the greatest UFC fighters of all time, he said that he always puts himself in the most uncomfortable situations in practice, leading up to the fight, the most, you know, the hardest situations to get himself out of, when his arms are behind his back and he's face against the mat, in between the fence, and he's just getting punched in the face, he's like, how do I get out of this?

• 1:01:11Mel Robbins?

  Right, right.

• 1:01:12Lewis Howes?

  He's like, visualize that, and seeing, how can I get through this?

• 1:01:15Mel Robbins?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 1:01:16Lewis Howes?

  Where it seems like, I just want to tap out.

• 1:01:18Mel Robbins?

  Yes.

• 1:01:19Lewis Howes?

  Instead of tapping out, what's the process for figuring out how to get through it?

• 1:01:23Mel Robbins?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:24Lewis Howes?

  To then raise my hand at the end victorious.

• 1:01:26Mel Robbins?

  Totally. And so you are literally building up, almost like this resilience and this muscle inside of you to do the work to get the thing. So yeah, create the vision board, but make sure in addition to crossing the finish line, you have somebody running the ring. You have somebody who, you have an alarm clock that says 5:13. You have, you know, these images that show the stuff that you don't want to do. So like, for people who want to launch a business, for example, like a lot of people that I'm sure follow both of us are dying to launch a business, or interested in being an influencer, social media, or making money online, and what you visualize are the checks, or you visualize the money you're gonna make, or you visualize how cool it's gonna be when you're a lifestyle entrepreneur, or whatever the hell it is.

• 1:02:10Mel Robbins?

  Don't do that. Visualize working a day job, and telling your friends that you're not gonna go out tonight, because you're working on something. Visualize making cold calls and being told no. Visualize not going to that party, because you're staying in on a Saturday, and not going to the barbecue, because you're putting in the work. Visualize sitting in a seminar, and learning from other people. Visualize watching YouTube videos. Visualize your first ever course failing miserably. Like, literally, that's the sort of thing that you want to visualize yourself doing and pushing through. Because that's gonna help you do the work.

• 1:02:45Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:45Mel Robbins?

  Isn't that cool?

• 1:02:46Lewis Howes?

  I think that's great. Yeah, visualizing, so in order to manifest what you want, don't just visualize the good things happening. Visualize the bridge, all the things it's gonna take to get there.

• 1:02:55Mel Robbins?

  Yes, and the hard parts of the bridge. Because then you're ready for it.

• 1:02:58Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:02:59Mel Robbins?

  Then you're like, I didn't expect this to be this hard. I mean, it's still gonna be hard.

• 1:03:02Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 1:03:02Mel Robbins?

  But you're less likely to quit.

• 1:03:04Lewis Howes?

  Yes. People can go get the book. They got a couple of final questions. They can get the book, The High Five Habit, Take Control of Your Life with One Simple Habit. Simple high five in the mirror, just boom, just boom. Boom with yourself, that's a good one.

• 1:03:17Mel Robbins?

  Yeah, that's a good one.

• 1:03:17Lewis Howes?

  You also have a challenge.

• 1:03:19Mel Robbins?

  Yes.

• 1:03:19Lewis Howes?

  And I've got a link I'm gonna send people to. You just go to lewishouse.com/mell. And it'll send you to the high five challenge.

• 1:03:26Mel Robbins?

  Lewis is doing it. That's right.

• 1:03:27Lewis Howes?

  Yes, I'll be doing it.

• 1:03:28Mel Robbins?

  Five days, five million people, Lewis. Starting their day with this stuff.

• 1:03:31Lewis Howes?

  It's a five day challenge.

• 1:03:32Mel Robbins?

  That's it, super free, it's easy.

• 1:03:34Lewis Howes?

  It's easy, it's free, it's fun. And it'll help you build self-confidence, momentum, all that stuff. So make sure you get a couple of copies of the book. This is gonna be a game changer for a long time for many people. You are...

• 1:03:45Mel Robbins?

  I believe that. You see, the five second rule? It helped you get moving.

• 1:03:51Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:03:52Mel Robbins?

  And this...

• 1:03:52Lewis Howes?

  This will keep you going.

• 1:03:53Mel Robbins?

  No, this goes deeper.

• 1:03:55Lewis Howes?

  What's it do? Helps you believe in yourself.

• 1:03:58Mel Robbins?

  It helps you stop the self-hatred.

• 1:04:00Lewis Howes?

  Ooh.

• 1:04:00Mel Robbins?

  And the self-doubt.

• 1:04:01Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:04:02Mel Robbins?

  That keeps you from doing what you need to do. The five second rule is a hack that helps you find instant courage and motivation. This fundamentally changes how you see yourself.

• 1:04:11Lewis Howes?

  Oh, that's good. That's what we need.

• 1:04:13Mel Robbins?

  That's what we need.

• 1:04:14Lewis Howes?

  Because if we don't learn to love yourself, it's gonna be hard to keep going.

• 1:04:16Mel Robbins?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:17Lewis Howes?

  You can go for a day or two days, but it's hard to be consistent when it's painful.

• 1:04:21Mel Robbins?

  Most people go through life not loving themselves.

• 1:04:23Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 1:04:24Mel Robbins?

  I thought I did.

• 1:04:26Lewis Howes?

  You thought you loved yourself.

• 1:04:27Mel Robbins?

  I really did. But the truth is, I was not actually demonstrating it. I mean, I was doing it by eating the right stuff and, you know, taking care of my body and being very loving and nurturing to my kids and going to therapy. But in terms of that intimate moment with myself and how I viewed myself, I still saw what was wrong. I still saw a person who needed fixing. A person who had screwed up. And what I see now is somebody that I love.

• 1:05:01Lewis Howes?

  Well, that's good. It's beautiful.

• 1:05:03Mel Robbins?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:04Lewis Howes?

  I think that's hard for a lot of people.

• 1:05:05Mel Robbins?

  Everyone.

• 1:05:07Lewis Howes?

  So I'm proud of you for doing that because it's not easy.

• 1:05:12Mel Robbins?

  I'm not done. Like tomorrow I could wake up and be like, okay, fine, fine, not with the negative.

• 1:05:19Lewis Howes?

  Again, people can get the book, melrobbins.com, Mel Robbins everywhere on social media, lewishouse.com/mel to get the free challenge. Audiobook as well, which is going to be powerful. They can go to Audible and check that out. This is going to be a big book for a long time, so I want people to get this.

• 1:05:37Mel Robbins?

  I think so. It's the thing I'm the most proud of Lewis that I've ever put out.

• 1:05:41Lewis Howes?

  I'm excited for you. Very excited. It's a great book.

• 1:05:44Mel Robbins?

  Thanks.

• 1:05:46Lewis Howes?

  I asked you this question before. I'm going to ask it again, so we have it and see what your response is from a few years later now. This is called the three truths. So imagine it's your last day on earth, many years away from now, and you've accomplished all your dreams, but for whatever reason, you've got to take all of your work with you. So people don't have your books, this podcast is gone, your videos, your content, it's all gone to another place. But you get to leave behind three lessons to the world, three things you know to be true from all of your experiences of life, and this is all we have of your body of work. What would you say are those three lessons or three truths for you?

• 1:06:25Mel Robbins?

  Oh, well, for sure.

• 1:06:29Mel Robbins?

  The most important relationship you have in life is the one you have with yourself.

• 1:06:34Mel Robbins?

  So treat yourself like the most important person in your life.

• 1:06:39Mel Robbins?

  The second one is...

• 1:06:48Mel Robbins?

  I think what we talked about today.

• 1:06:53Mel Robbins?

  That, oh, I know. We didn't talk about this. This is part of the high five attitude. This is saved my... This moment is preparing me for something amazing that hasn't happened yet. That saying, which I deeply believe because life is the greatest school you will ever attend, hence we're at the School of Greatness, man.

• 1:07:20Mel Robbins?

  It anchors me down in hope, optimism, and faith, no matter what's happening. It is like a mental high five. And it has always borne out. That there's always a skill, or an experience, or a life lesson, or a person that I have gained in every horrible thing that's ever happened to me or because of me, that has prepared me for something amazing that's coming. And then the final thing is, for sure, the five-second rule.

• 1:07:52Mel Robbins?

  And the application I would want people to know is that

• 1:08:00Mel Robbins?

  you can, five, four, three, two, one, and interrupt any thought you don't want to think. And that will give you immediate control over what you think next.

• 1:08:10Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely, absolutely.

• 1:08:14Mel Robbins?

  Oh, and I know, and don't put too much MCT oil in your coffee, or else you will literally have an accident trying to hike.

• 1:08:20Lewis Howes?

  You'll crap yourself, crap your pants.

• 1:08:22Mel Robbins?

  True story.

• 1:08:24Lewis Howes?

  Before I ask the final question, Mel, I want to acknowledge you for being an amazing friend. You're a great friend to me and to so many people. And I acknowledge you for constantly showing up, because I know you go through a lot of different challenges, a lot of different weight in your life, pressures. And the fact that you constantly show up in service of creating a book like this, and creating content for people, so that they can overcome the crap in their life, is a beautiful thing. So I acknowledge you for being a symbol of inspiration and constantly showing up, even when it seems like there's a lot going on in your life. So, thank you for doing that.

• 1:08:56Mel Robbins?

  Thank you. And Louis, let me acknowledge you for something.

• 1:08:59Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 1:08:59Mel Robbins?

  You have been such an amazing friend to me. I'm gonna get emotional, probably. Pull it back.

• 1:09:08Mel Robbins?

  You have been so open and so generous with your friendship and with your wisdom. Both the wisdom that comes from doing great and the wisdom that comes from being shitty. And you have allowed me to experience what it feels like to be considered a really good friend.

• 1:09:37Lewis Howes?

  I appreciate it.

• 1:09:38Mel Robbins?

  I appreciate it.

• 1:09:38Lewis Howes?

  Thank you. Thank you. You're making me emotional here. Okay. Final question, what's your definition of greatness?

• 1:09:45Mel Robbins?

  Oh, this moment right now, two friends fully present with one another.

• 1:09:51Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:51Mel Robbins?

  Sharing and doing life together.

• 1:09:54Lewis Howes?

  There you go.

• 1:09:54Mel Robbins?

  I love you.

• 1:09:55Lewis Howes?

  High five. Love you.

• 1:09:56Mel Robbins?

  I love you.

• 1:09:58Lewis Howes?

  I hope today's episode inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a rundown of today's show with all the important links. And if you want more inspiration from our world-class guests and content to learn how to improve the quality of your life, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness Newsletter and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com/newsletter. And if no one has told you today, I want to remind you that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.