Lucy Hale Opens Up: Getting Sober, Mental Health & Manifestation

Leave an Amazon Review for my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Despite her massive success on Pretty Little Liars and millions of adoring fans, Lucy Hale spent years battling her mental health and addiction while in the spotlight. After hitting rock bottom three years ago, Lucy embarked on a sobriety journey that reconnected her with the spiritual awareness she'd lost along the way. With candid honesty, she describes how fame intensified her mental health struggles and recounts a pivotal spiritual awakening in Austin, Texas that changed everything. Lucy's mindset transformation from shame-filled people-pleaser to authentic truth-seeker offers profound insights about manifestation, worthiness, alignment, and the courage to disappoint others before disappointing yourself. Lucy on InstagramIn this episode you will learn:How external success and validation can mask deep mental health struggles with unworthiness and shameWhy people-pleasing is actually selfish, and how it blocks authentic connection and growthThe connection between disordered eating, addiction, and the desperate search for controlHow Lucy maintains her sobriety through intentional morning routines and protecting her energyThe transformative power of trusting the timing of your life rather than trying to control everythingFor more information go to https://www.lewishowes.com/1765For more Greatness text PODCAST to +1 (614) 350-3960More SOG episodes we think you’ll love:Goldie Hawn – greatness.lnk.to/1630SCGabby Bernstein – greatness.lnk.to/1714SCYara Shahidi – greatness.lnk.to/1699SC Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Lewis Howes?

  True alignment happens when we stop running from our darkness and start embracing all the parts of ourselves. Welcome back my friend to another episode of the School of Greatness. Very excited about our guest today. We've got Lucy Hale, who is going to really open up and share in a big way about her personal experience of hitting rock bottom a few years ago and how it led to a spiritual awakening that transformed her relationship with herself and became a turning point towards sobriety and her healing journey. And I want to remind you that we are all on our own journey. If you might be struggling, you might be going through adversity, you might be uncertain about the future, whether

• 0:42Lewis Howes?

  it be a relationship, or your career path, or some business you're working on. But I want to give you this daily affirmation, and that is, "When my mind drifts to fear or lack, please remind me that abundance is always available to me. Remind me that I am supported, provided for, and surrounded by endless possibilities waiting to unfold. Help me to see the blessings already in my life and to welcome even more with an open heart. Let today be a reflection of trust, gratitude, and the abundant life I am meant to live."

• 1:22Lewis Howes?

  Again, you are meant to live it. But sometimes the darkness, the challenges, the adversities, make us feel like we're drowning in stress, drowning in chaos, drowning in drama. And sometimes we have to break apart from the chaos, from the drama, from the stress, find some stillness, literally get still. Turn off devices, turn off the TV, turn off the noise, and just be still. Sit outside, breathe, be still. And allow alignment to come into alignment. Sometimes when we're in chaos, or overwhelmed, or stress, we don't have

• 2:07Lewis Howes?

  the moment, or just a moment to reflect, to get back into alignment because we don't allow alignment inside of us, because we're constantly reactive. So get to a place of calm, get to a place of understanding.

• 2:21Lewis Howes?

  And just be present in this moment because you deserve to feel peace and abundance. It is your birthright, but it's not going to be handed to you if you're not willing to do the work to create that inner alignment on your journey. And trust me, I have gone through so many ups and downs in my life where I felt like, is there ever going to be any peace? Is there ever going to be any freedom? Is there ever going to be any abundance? When I'm feeling fear, when I'm feeling scarce, when I'm feeling overwhelmed. And I'm telling you, it is possible that you've got to be willing to go within you. And there is some big moments in today's episode. You know, Lucy talks about why external success and validation couldn't fix her feelings of unworthiness and shame. And she's a massive, you know, superstar.

• 3:05Lewis Howes?

  She's got millions of followers and the external success didn't validate her feelings that she really needed to feel. And it wasn't until she went through her own journey, which she's about to talk about in this interview and episode, where she started to learn how to create that peace and come back to herself. And you deserve to come back to you. The true essence of you is love, is peace, is joy, is freedom, is creativity. And you can't do that from a place of scarcity, stress, or overwhelm. So I hope you enjoy this episode. Whatever you're going through in life right now, you deserve to live a free, harmonic, abundant life. But you've got to be willing to do the work.

• 3:48Lewis Howes?

  And sometimes that's facing the darkness, facing the demons and not numbing them or running away from them like so many of us have done over the years. I know I did it for a long time and I lived in a lot of pain. The more I ran away from it, the more I chased other things to try to fill me up. It never worked until I turned around, faced myself and started giving myself what I needed to feel peace. And again, if you're enjoying this at any moment, please share this with a friend, text one or two friends and let them know that you heard this amazing episode with Lucy Hale on the School of Greatness. And you want to hear their thoughts about it. You want to have a conversation about it and see what they learned about it as well. So send it to a few friends.

• 4:29Lewis Howes?

  Make sure to tag me, Lewis Howes, and tag Lucy Hale over on social media while you're listening or watching to this episode. And I'm very excited for us to jive in together. So let's go ahead and jump in with the one and only Lucy Hale.

• 4:45Lewis Howes?

  Welcome back everyone to the School of Greatness. Very excited about our guest. We have the inspiring Lucy Hale in the house. So good to see you.

• 4:51Speaker 01

  What's up man? I'm so happy to be here. This is, I mean, we've been trying to make this happen.

• 4:55Lewis Howes?

  We have been.

• 4:56Speaker 01

  For a while.

• 4:56Lewis Howes?

  We have been.

• 4:57Speaker 01

  And I wouldn't call them roadblocks, but we had some, the universe said, "Not yet. Pause, pause. The timing isn't right."

• 5:04Lewis Howes?

  This is the right timing.

• 5:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:06Lewis Howes?

  And I think whoever's watching or listening right now is going to, this is going to help so many people, no matter what they're going through, or how they're challenged in their life right now. Because you have an amazing story. You've been in the public eye for the last, I guess, 15, 20 years almost.

• 5:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:22Lewis Howes?

  You've, you know, had a massive career, millions of followers, tons of success. But for a long time, you had a lot of sadness and darkness inside of you. And you were numbing yourself to try to overcome the insecurities that you were facing.

• 5:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:38Lewis Howes?

  Even though you were in the limelight and had everyone turning to you saying, "Wow, you're amazing," or "You're talented," or "Beautiful," or whatever it is. But you had these kind of insecurities inside of you that I've heard you talk about. And three years ago, you talked about as a moment that was almost rock bottom for you, or it was rock bottom for you. And I've heard you talk about this openly. But how can someone hit rock bottom a few years ago after so much success? And so much fame and so much attention?

• 6:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:10Lewis Howes?

  What does that feel like internally? And how do you decide to start making changes so you don't feel like you're at the bottom, even when everyone else seems like you're on top?

• 6:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, it was a really unbelievably confusing ride to be on because externally, how I showed up in the world, my persona was successful, on a big show, like, cool clothes, good eyebrows, like, all the things, right? But then I'd go home at night and I had this, like, unbelievable guilt and shame for having those things.

• 6:49Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 6:50Speaker 01

  I did. And I think that that was just a limiting belief. I acquired at some point as a kid of thinking that receiving meant selfish or that receiving meant you weren't grateful. And like, I just had this idea that I needed to humble myself. And so I, I felt really guilty for a lot of the things I had. And I, I want to say that that sort of shame, to me, shame is the lowest you can get as a human. I think it's like the worst feeling. I think it's a really scary place to be in. And, and, and I want to say that that shame is what fueled the drinking and the numbing out and the, because that self-consciously, I was sabotaging my life.

• 7:33Speaker 01

  Because I was saying I wanted success. I was saying I wanted a great relationship. I was saying I wanted, um, you know, to be respected. But I was doing things, at the time, I wasn't conscious of them, but I was doing things. I was trying to implode my life because I felt like a fraud. Wow. And now, without getting too deep into it, I believe that we all have souls. And I believe that my soul really needed to learn the lesson of unconditional self-love and unconditional self-worth. And so I believe that my soul always knew I was going to go through this. And that, I really do. And I'm sure I could talk about this forever of like, why I think we're here on the planet.

• 8:16Speaker 01

  But, but one of my big lessons was learning to love myself even though I had done things that I knew were out of alignment with my truth, you know? And, and really like, understanding why I was making certain decisions. And like, really getting curious about, why do I want to sabotage my life? Why do I dislike myself so much? And, you know, and then it, it took.

• 8:51Speaker 01

  The path of sobriety, and to me sobriety represents so much more than just not drinking or doing drugs. It represents getting to the core of the wound and then getting your life back in alignment. And it took like 15 years of trial.

• 9:06Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 9:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, man, like I, I struggled heavily at the peak of my success with the TV shows on Pretty Little Liars. I was at my absolute darkest, most shameful. And so like that juxtaposition was unbelievable to me because, and it's really proof that you can have all the things you say you want and still feel empty. Because what was happening for me is I thought everything outside of me was gonna make me happy. I thought the job, the boy, the money, the whatever. I was like, this, that's really gonna fix me. And then, shocker, like it doesn't.

• 9:51Speaker 01

  So yeah, it took a lot of trial and error, a lot of really trying. It's not that I didn't try. I really, really, really always wanted to feel better and to understand myself more. And I had many rock bottoms though, that would've appeared worse on paper.

• 10:09Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 10:10Speaker 01

  Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Some will take to the grave with me. A lot of rock bottoms, a lot of scary rock bottoms, a lot of really sad rock bottoms, losing relationships, you know, my own physical danger, losing my career, like all of these things. But the moment I got sober, it was the first time I had experienced like a spiritual intervention because that's really, I could still cry thinking about this moment because it was so visceral. It was...

• 10:40Lewis Howes?

  Where were you? Like what was this?

• 10:42Speaker 01

  I was in Austin, Texas.

• 10:43Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 10:44Speaker 01

  I love Austin. I need to go back and make new memories there. But it wasn't like a crazy time. Like nothing really quote unquote bad happened.

• 10:53Lewis Howes?

  You didn't have like a near death experience or like...

• 10:56Speaker 01

  I mean, I had in the past, but this time it wasn't. I just remember I woke up...

• 11:03Speaker 01

  And it was almost just like, I knew that if I did not change my life from that moment forward, I was gonna lose everything.

• 11:12Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 11:13Speaker 01

  And maybe even my life. Like, it was that, it was that clear to me. And it was a sensation I felt, and I felt the presence of,

• 11:24Speaker 01

  you know, a higher power that loved me a lot and was like, "Listen, listen, girl." You know, "It's not too late," because I, I felt like it was too late. Because I had tried for years and years and years.

• 11:38Lewis Howes?

  What did you try? Was it like therapy and ayahuasca, like I tried spiritual retreats and meditation, kind of all these things?

• 11:45Speaker 01

  So I didn't start all the spiritual stuff until, that's the place I'm in now. But I mean, like rehab, inpatient, outpatient, every type of, every type of medication. You know, I did try religion. I tried everything, everything.

• 12:05Speaker 01

  And nothing really, nothing stuck for me. And I really think that's because, I believe patterns repeat in your life until all the lessons are learned. The same people will keep showing up, you'll keep making the same habits, everything will continue on until you've like, really wrung out that rag of all the lessons. And my god, for some reason, my soul's like, "No." Again, again, again. And I really did learn a lot about myself and, and, you know, through those fifteen years of what I was running away from. I mean, I didn't even realize until I actually got sober and like had the

• 12:44Speaker 01

  clarity and clear mind for a year, like how much sadness and rage and anger I was holding on to that was so old.

• 12:52Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 12:52Speaker 01

  Like, it felt ancient. And I, you know, that really is my biggest lesson in being sober, is being able to speak up for myself and set boundaries for myself. And honor my truth, because that is why I was drinking. I was drinking not because I liked to take tequila shots and like, run loose in the streets of LA. No, I was drinking because that, in some weird way, allowed me to be...

• 13:22Speaker 01

  To unleash these like parts of myself that I really didn't wanna. I felt like I couldn't behave that way in my normal life and so. I do have a lot of darkness in me and a lot of depth and a lot of. I don't know whatever you want to call it and. And it scared me, I think, a lot of my life, but now. I kind of run towards that because I think people who. Struggle in this way or. Struggle with anything, it's just because we're afraid of our own power. And. And I'm not anymore and I, if you can't tell, I love talking about this because.

• 14:01Speaker 01

  This was bottled up for a really long time because I was like, well, I can't talk about it because no one's gonna hire me like I can't talk about it. No one's gonna want to date me. I can't talk about it. People are gonna be scared of me. But when I first spoke about this a couple of years ago. On another podcast.

• 14:18Speaker 01

  The amount of people. That I have connected with and the amount of people who are like, that helped me get sober or that helped me realize like. How I'm sabotaging my life and that's why. We talk about these things. That's why you do what you do. It's because. It's so important to be that ripple effect in someone else's life.

• 14:40Lewis Howes?

  So how long were you? Using alcohol then to numb the pain or to. Numb the, the lack of ability to create boundaries in your life or speak up or really kind of like own your power?

• 14:53Speaker 01

  I mean. The funny thing about my old friend alcohol is that it starts out as a really good friend, right? Like it's sneaky and. But I want to talk to you because you don't drink.

• 15:05Lewis Howes?

  I've never been drunk in my life.

• 15:07Speaker 01

  Okay, I need to, I'm gonna circle back around to this because.

• 15:10Lewis Howes?

  Is there any benefit to drinking?

• 15:11Speaker 01

  No.

• 15:12Lewis Howes?

  Zero.

• 15:13Speaker 01

  Not for me.

• 15:14Lewis Howes?

  Cause I've never been drunk.

• 15:15Speaker 01

  Okay, but not for me. So this, so there are certain people who. Like it blew my mind that people could just have a glass of wine because if.

• 15:25Speaker 01

  Lucy over here had a glass of wine, like I'd be buying the whole place Jagerbomb shots like two hours later.

• 15:31Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 15:31Speaker 01

  I am an extremist, which is a blessing and a curse. But you can't say I ever didn't like go 100% with drinking because I went and and the other thing is I never knew if it was gonna be fun or if it was gonna be, you know, blacked out crying on the phone to, you know, someone I'm gonna regret talking to. But I used alcohol. Yeah, so it was a slow creep up. It wasn't. It was always very clear, looking back in hindsight, that I was a binge drinker from the beginning.

• 16:08Speaker 01

  But I would say around like early twenties, because I went to rehab at 23. Yep, and I that didn't work.

• 16:19Speaker 01

  It did for a little bit, but.

• 16:20Lewis Howes?

  What really needs it? If rehab doesn't work for you, or didn't work for you, what is the thing you needed to heal your soul? Or to get in alignment to say, I don't need alcohol to allow me to feel safe or whatever it is. Like, what did you need at 23, at 30, at 34, when you're in these kind of rock bottom moments? Where you turn to alcohol to numb or feel protected? What is it your soul really needed?

• 16:48Speaker 01

  I mean, I do believe in the divine timing of my life, so at those moments, I did have what I needed. But I think what I really was craving was,

• 17:01Speaker 01

  I mean, honestly, like simply put, I my connection with a higher power. My spiritual, I was spiritually broken is what I was.

• 17:11Lewis Howes?

  Spiritually bankrupt.

• 17:12Speaker 01

  Absolutely. And that brought on more shame because even as a little kid, I was like highly connected to God. Like I I remember speaking out loud and speaking to the universe and literally daydreaming about being in LA. And I manifested that for my life. And at some point along the way, I just

• 17:32Speaker 01

  it's not like that left me. I cut I cut myself off from that. That connection is always there.

• 17:37Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 17:38Speaker 01

  As people, we just forget, suppress, cut it off. But I think what I really needed was. Well, I needed to get scared shitless is what I needed and that's what happened when I got sober. I was scared. I was very scared and not everyone needs that, but I needed. It was like someone was shaking me to wake up and so I had to be so scared. Because I, it's not like I wanted to die. I wanted to live. And I needed. I needed my connection with something bigger than me and.

• 18:09Lewis Howes?

  What scared you?

• 18:11Speaker 01

  Oh, I just, I was like, do I make it out of this? Or is this gonna be my life?

• 18:17Lewis Howes?

  This three years ago?

• 18:18Speaker 01

  Three years ago, I'm like, is this gonna be my life? Because I was just in this.

• 18:22Lewis Howes?

  Powder, yeah.

• 18:23Speaker 01

  Psych for years and I was so physically, mentally, emotionally tired. I couldn't even. I literally couldn't even look people in the eye because I was so ashamed of who I was.

• 18:33Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 18:33Speaker 01

  Because I like, there was just a moment in my life, all I did was wear sunglasses. Cause I was like, people see right through me. I was just really lost.

• 18:42Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 18:42Speaker 01

  Really, really lost. And the second I stopped running. I, I was just tired of running. I was like, for what?

• 18:50Lewis Howes?

  And what were you running from?

• 18:52Speaker 01

  I think I knew that there was like this.

• 18:58Speaker 01

  Box inside of me that I had like chained, locked up. I didn't even know where the key was. I was like, no, no, no, it's good. We can just like shove that down as far as possible. And I, but I knew. Throughout all of this, that if I just opened the box, sat with it, slowly unpacked it. That it would be okay because I knew that all the answers were there.

• 19:19Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 19:20Speaker 01

  My answers were all inside of me. It's never gonna be outside of me. And.

• 19:25Lewis Howes?

  And the more successful you became or the more in the spotlight or the bigger the audience.

• 19:28Speaker 01

  Another way of numbing out.

• 19:29Lewis Howes?

  Of course, like let's do another movie, another TV project.

• 19:32Speaker 01

  People like me. Look at these followers. Look, I'm number one on a call sheet like. And listen, let me preface with, I love what I do. My job has saved my life in so many ways. The fact that I get to create and collaborate.

• 19:47Speaker 01

  It just blows my mind that I get to do that. But it was such a fancy Band-Aid for a long time. Because it was, because my success was completely running parallel with my struggles.

• 20:02Lewis Howes?

  Hmm, gosh, that's interesting.

• 20:04Speaker 01

  It's really weird. It's really weird.

• 20:07Lewis Howes?

  The more successful you became, you also felt more struggles piled on top of that.

• 20:11Speaker 01

  Exactly, and I felt like my

• 20:16Speaker 01

  issues with alcohol or numbing out were getting worse.

• 20:19Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 20:20Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:20Lewis Howes?

  How did you function on set or in projects when you were

• 20:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:25Lewis Howes?

  numbing out at night every night?

• 20:27Speaker 01

  I was really clever about my, my, my ways. Because I wasn't drinking during the week because my job was important to me. But when I would go, I would go, like, weekends were mine. I was like, you know, the weekends are mine. And, and, you know, I, they normally were blacking out and not remembering what I did. And luckily, I, you know, had people, you know, I was safe. But how I mentally and emotionally functioned, I don't know. Like, I have, I have memories of being at work and like truly having to walk away because I was like, I'm, I was like, people, people know what's going on, like, I, I wasn't there, though. Like, a part of me was not there because I was just, it was survival.

• 21:12Speaker 01

  It was like, fight, what is it? Fight, fight or flight?

• 21:15Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 21:15Speaker 01

  All the time.

• 21:16Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 21:16Speaker 01

  And it, I just now, before we started, you were like, you feel so grounded. And it's ju, I just now, after three years.

• 21:24Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 21:25Speaker 01

  My nervous system is like, oh, we can relax now.

• 21:28Lewis Howes?

  I was gonna say, your nervous system seems like more safe.

• 21:31Speaker 01

  It does.

• 21:32Lewis Howes?

  More in alignment.

• 21:33Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 21:34Lewis Howes?

  And you're probably, you know, you're really great at eye contact, but it sounds like three years ago, you wouldn't have been able to do this.

• 21:39Speaker 01

  No, no, God, no.

• 21:40Lewis Howes?

  Because, because of the shame

• 21:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:42Lewis Howes?

  of someone seeing through you. And I could, I can relate to that growing up.

• 21:46Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:46Lewis Howes?

  dealing with sexual abuse as a kid.

• 21:48Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 21:49Lewis Howes?

  I felt ashamed because I never told anyone for 25 years.

• 21:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, oh, that's such a burden.

• 21:54Lewis Howes?

  That if people really knew this about me, no one would love or accept me. And so I was in the let me perform, let me achieve, let me, you know, be great at something in sports or whatever.

• 22:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:05Lewis Howes?

  To mask the pain.

• 22:07Speaker 01

  When did you start talking about that?

• 22:09Lewis Howes?

  12 years ago.

• 22:09Speaker 01

  And did it feel like you could finally be yourself when you could?

• 22:13Lewis Howes?

  No, I felt like I was gonna die. Like, I felt like, it felt like I had to say it.

• 22:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:17Lewis Howes?

  Finally, but that my life is over.

• 22:21Speaker 01

  Cause you thought people would?

• 22:22Lewis Howes?

  I just thought no one would accept me, people would make fun of me, people would judge me. Yeah, I mean, but it actually, the, the, you know, the, the pain, the trauma, once I started to process and heal and started to share, it became more of a superpower. To be able to connect and empathize and understand people and, and be more relatable to other people who'd been through something similar.

• 22:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:45Lewis Howes?

  Um, but I thought it was gonna ruin my business and my life and no one would ever

• 22:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:50Lewis Howes?

  date me, you know, all these things. It was like, everyone's gonna make fun of me.

• 22:53Speaker 01

  But it's, but it's true that when you tr- truly honor your truth and live from the most authentic place. Cause I had similar feelings. I was like, after I did the podcast, I was like, well.

• 23:05Lewis Howes?

  My career's over.

• 23:06Speaker 01

  Bye, bye Hollywood, you know? But I was welcomed with so much warmth and so much love and so it actually, I could still cry thinking about it because I never thought I was deserving of that. And it just goes to show that when you honor that, who you are. There's no one else on the planet like you or me. And when you live in that truth, people, they have no choice but to, they don't have to like you, but they can say, damn, I, I respect that.

• 23:37Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, one of the scariest things is being your most authentic self. And people not accepting you. But one of the most beautiful things is being your most authentic self and everyone accepting you for who you are.

• 23:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:50Lewis Howes?

  It's like, makes me emotional thinking about it because it's, I think it's what we all want, acceptance.

• 23:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:55Lewis Howes?

  We wanna feel seen and acknowledged for the human being we are.

• 23:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:59Lewis Howes?

  And when we have shame, guilt, insecurities, not enoughness, unworthiness inside of us.

• 24:05Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:06Lewis Howes?

  Then we want to hide and protect those things inside of us that are afraid from other people seeing that. Or we overperform, or we people please, or we do things to not create boundaries of authenticity.

• 24:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:20Lewis Howes?

  To try to be accepted within groups and society.

• 24:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:23Lewis Howes?

  And we become a different person, a different version that is not truly us, authentically us.

• 24:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 24:30Lewis Howes?

  And all we really want is to be accepted and seen for who we really all are. Even all the mess and scary parts inside us. And it sounds like you were masking that for a long time.

• 24:40Speaker 01

  For a long time, but also to add another layer to that. Being your authentic self and not caring if people don't like you, because if you're truthful to you. Like, and that's the best feeling for me. I don't know if you relate to this, but like. There's really nothing I would change. I mean, there's always growth and evolution of self, but. There's nothing I would change about myself. I'm not hiding. There's no skeleton. Well.

• 25:05Lewis Howes?

  You're taking some stuff to the grave.

• 25:06Speaker 01

  I'm like, there's some things that go with me, but like.

• 25:09Lewis Howes?

  But you don't need to share everything with the world also. Yeah, yeah.

• 25:11Speaker 01

  But like, I'm me. And if you don't like what I'm saying, turn it off. If you don't. Don't follow me, but like, this is me and I can sleep at night knowing that. I'm truly in alignment with. Hopefully, one of the better versions of myself.

• 25:28Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, and then something that just came up for me is like, yeah, we don't need everyone else to like us as long as we like us. And it sounds like for 15 plus years, again, correct me if I'm wrong. You had 10, 20, 30 million followers who loved and liked you, but you didn't like you.

• 25:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 25:47Lewis Howes?

  And so what's the point of having hundreds of millions of followers adore you if you can't love you?

• 25:52Speaker 01

  It's, yeah, it really ate away at me and it really messed with my head. I now look back and I'm so proud of, I mean, even though I handled it in a specific way, I am so proud of that. Juxtaposition because.

• 26:10Speaker 01

  Like it it actually should have gone worse. You know what I'm saying? Because of how I felt and I really, I've always kind of felt like in my life that I I'm kind of this like Lone Ranger, like I want to do it myself. I felt a little misunderstood in my life and I definitely felt that way during that period of my life.

• 26:33Speaker 01

  And yeah, just like reflecting back on how I used to feel, it feels like almost like a different lifetime ago, but I can still, it still resonates. But you know, I still, there are still things I struggle with. Of course, but it really is the best gift to say, you know what, I did, it's not even, oh, I yes, I love myself, but it's more like, wow, I really did my best today. Where can I do better tomorrow? Like, who can I apologize to? Like, is there any way to like, clean up my side of the street? How do I challenge myself more? And now I'm just obsessed with, you know, I I want to know more about myself and I want to

• 27:15Speaker 01

  speak more with people and connect more with people. It's, yeah, I'm like border, my friends, bless them, they're, I'm like, they hear me talk about all the different things that I try, like I'm obsessed with spirituality and self-help and definitely, I've I've funneled my addictions into that, but I think it's it's better, yeah.

• 27:34Lewis Howes?

  It's better than alcohol or eating disorder or something.

• 27:37Speaker 01

  I still love caffeine.

• 27:38Lewis Howes?

  Sure, sure.

• 27:38Speaker 01

  I love Diet Coke, but let me have my Diet Cokes.

• 27:41Lewis Howes?

  Exactly. There's a quote that you shared that I want to talk about and you said this, "I made the choice on the morning of January 2nd, 2022, that I was going to do everything I could to get sober. I knew that if I continued on the path, I would have lost everything I cared about. It was the scariest choice in my life, but also it's been the best gift. When I made the change, everything else changed. My whole life has changed." And again, we're talking about how this is like little over three years now on the The journey of being sober, but really what it sounds like, the journey of committing to being in alignment with yourself.

• 28:22Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 28:22Lewis Howes?

  And when we step into alignment and allow our nervous system to heal, we don't need these things to make us feel better. We don't need extremism of alcohol on the weekends, or extreme foods, or whatever it might be, to feel peace.

• 28:41Speaker 01

  It's so true, and that to me is, I don't even like to use the word sober sobriety, because to me, it's, yes, I am sober, but it's less about not using drugs and, wait, using drugs, drinking alcohol, and it's more, I love myself and my life so much, I would never do anything that's gonna threaten my peace. And that applies to people, that applies to environments, that applies to substances, that applies to everything. My peace and a calm nervous system is my top priority. And so it's more about, like you said, like, anything that's gonna shift me out of alignment, I'm not doing it, I'm sorry. There's no, it's not even an option.

• 29:24Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. You mentioned that when you were growing up, you felt connected to God. You would speak about God, you felt connected, you're either listening from a place of openness to God. And then it sounds like, when you got to LA and you started getting into the industry, God kind of, you kind of either blocked God away from you, or just focused on the material world more, rather than the spiritual world. It sounds to me like, as you started to heal the little girl inside of you.

• 29:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:52Lewis Howes?

  And reclaim the version of you, that little child inside of you, that is, that had that wonder and possibility and pure light and joy. It sounds like you've gotten closer to God, um, in your own version. What has that journey been like for you? Reconnecting to God and reconnecting to little Lucy inside of you.

• 30:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 30:13Lewis Howes?

  That was really a channel of spiritual joy.

• 30:18Speaker 01

  Yeah, I. I feel like this whole journey has been, I'm not a changed person. I'm just going back to who I always was. It's like coming home to myself. It was like, and you know, and we all experienced that. Like, life happens, happens, heartbreak happens. And it's like, we just get all this stuff piled onto us. And we're like, wait, I'm in here, like, please come find me. And so I always have felt really connected to my inner child. And, um, but I knew that my inner child or little Lucy, like, I took on a lot of stuff early on. And so I knew that a lot of my healing was, and I think that's why I avoided it for so long,

• 31:03Speaker 01

  is because I knew that I was going to not have to live in that space again, but have to really acknowledge what I felt and what I went through and who did those things. And it's just, I was like, I'm not dealing, and you know, for 20 years, I was like, I'm not dealing with it. But, but what I realized is nothing's ever as scary as we make it up to be in our head. And you don't, I was like, now, now I realize I don't have to attach to those stories. That means, like, I was giving so much of an identity to alcoholic victim. I was complete victim mode. And we don't have to do that. Real healing lies in letting, feeling it, you know,

• 31:46Speaker 01

  and then completely letting it go. We, it, half, not even half, all of the stuff that weighs us down are not our burdens to carry. None of it's our [BLEEP]. And so.

• 31:59Lewis Howes?

  Why did you think you made it your burden to carry?

• 32:03Speaker 01

  I think when you're a kid, you just do, you just do. Kids are pure, you know? It's like, oh, you have no choice, really. And then I moved to LA young and grew up really quickly. I was surrounded by adults. I was making a lot of money early. I like, you know, it's just kind of an expedited childhood. I didn't go to high school, I didn't go to college. And so there was a mixture of like, wanting to be normal, mixed intertwined with all of that as well.

• 32:31Lewis Howes?

  When did you move out here?

• 32:32Speaker 01

  But I moved out when I was 15. So I've lived here for 20, a little over 20 years.

• 32:37Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 32:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 32:37Lewis Howes?

  You really grew up young.

• 32:39Speaker 01

  I did, I did. I mean. I guess, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, yeah, this is definitely. But, but all that being said, I, I, I feel like the journey of my life, it still would have been the same thing, whether I was back home or here.

• 32:56Lewis Howes?

  Really? But you feel like it was amplified here, though, maybe?

• 32:59Speaker 01

  Probably so, but this, this ties back to my soul had a, you know, has a plan for me. There were bookmarks I needed to reach. There's a million different ways I could have reached those bookmarks. That's free will, right? But, but I needed to learn some lessons and, you know, they're tough, tough lessons. But, yeah, I really do believe I would have dealt with similar themes, maybe just, you know, not in the public eye.

• 33:27Lewis Howes?

  Exactly.

• 33:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:28Lewis Howes?

  There's something you even mentioned earlier. You, you talk about, you know, whenever I saw, I see you resharing some of the stuff on here, specifically about manifesting or with Dr. Joe Dispenza and kind of these top, different topics.

• 33:40Speaker 01

  And his biggest fan.

• 33:40Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. I don't know if you've been to one of his events yet.

• 33:42Speaker 01

  No, I want to.

• 33:43Lewis Howes?

  He came and spoke at Summoner of Greatness last year here in LA. If I'd have known you, I'd have had you come out, but next time.

• 33:48Speaker 01

  Next time, yeah.

• 33:50Lewis Howes?

  But it sounds like you said earlier that when you were a kid, you were just dreaming and manifesting, coming to LA and having this career and getting these opportunities. And it sounded like you had a pure channel to God to be able to manifest your dreams and really go for it.

• 34:06Speaker 01

  I think so, and of course, as a kid, I didn't have the vocabulary of channel or manifesting. But what I, I thought I was just a really elaborate daydreamer.

• 34:17Lewis Howes?

  That's beautiful.

• 34:18Speaker 01

  But to the point, because I spent a lot of time alone as a kid. I didn't have many friends. I just, I genuinely loved being alone because then I could be in my head and I could create these environments that made me really, really happy. And so I did a lot of music growing up, so music was always my emotional valve and just that really got me through some stuff as a kid. But yeah, I mean, I have, I have memories of. Being in my house or backyard or whatever, on my trampoline and just knowing I was moving out of the city I was in. I knew I was destined to do something big. I knew it. And even at this point, I didn't even know what an actor was. I was just like,

• 35:04Speaker 01

  and this isn't, you know, talking bad about where I come from or my family. I was just like, I feel kind of like a square and a, you know, what's the saying?

• 35:13Lewis Howes?

  Round hole.

• 35:13Speaker 01

  Yes. I was like, I love my family and, but something's not right here. I always just felt like the black sheep of the family, just in how I viewed people, the way I dressed, like my interests, everything.

• 35:28Speaker 01

  But yeah, now I look back and I was like, dang, I knew how to manifest.

• 35:31Lewis Howes?

  You did.

• 35:31Speaker 01

  As a little kid.

• 35:32Lewis Howes?

  Well, here's the interesting thing, because you manifested your dreams as a kid, when it seemed like you had more possibilities in your mind and you were, I guess, closer to God or having a different relationship with God. But then when you were in LA and you started to go down a darker inner journey, you know, externally, you kept manifesting still. You had opportunities and money and audience growth and it's like gig after gig.

• 35:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:58Lewis Howes?

  So what's the difference between manifesting from a pure connection to God versus manifesting from a darkness and a disconnection from God?

• 36:06Speaker 01

  So, okay, so there's a couple of elements to this. Now, do I believe in manifesting? You don't have to believe in manifesting, it is law, but I feel like my destiny as a person was always to be in LA, so, does that make sense? So like, even if I was in a bad place in my life, like my soul wanted to be here. But I would say the biggest difference in manifesting from, it's like I was manifesting things and they would happen, but I'd still have the feelings of unworthiness.

• 36:37Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 36:38Speaker 01

  Yes. And what's really interesting about,

• 36:43Speaker 01

  Like I manifested some things after Pretty Little Liars and it was a couple of TV shows and I'm talking, I did like three TV shows in a row that got canceled. And I was like, but you know what it was? It's because I had this limiting belief that I didn't deserve.

• 37:00Lewis Howes?

  What you had already before.

• 37:01Speaker 01

  What I had already, or that I had already peaked, or that, you know? And so I was manifesting jobs that weren't gonna follow through.

• 37:09Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 37:09Speaker 01

  Oh my God, and we were talking about like money beliefs earlier. Everyone read Lewis Howes book. But like I've had to really reestablish a healthy relationship with money and with success and realizing that success doesn't equal bad or evil. To me, more success equals wow, I get to connect with so many people. Or wow, I get to create content, movies, TV films that's really gonna help people or entertain them or give them a break from their day. David has really helped me with all of this though. And so my life has felt like a series of trial and errors, like, like most people's.

• 37:51Speaker 01

  But, but then I realized, oh my God, I, I realized my part in it. Because we are manifesting every second of every freaking day. And the biggest, like if anyone takes anything from this podcast, it is get really comfortable with your thoughts and make sure you're focusing more on the positive than the negative. I feel like what I realized was I was latching on to so many negative, limiting beliefs that were really hindering my, my growth as both an artist and a human.

• 38:29Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 38:30Speaker 01

  And I was blaming other people. That is the worst thing you can do is say, well, I'm not getting this job because this person's not working hard enough for me. And it's like, no, no, no, no, no. We are so in control of whatever we wanna create. And that's a scary concept for a lot of people.

• 38:46Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 38:46Speaker 01

  To accept. A lot of people don't, don't wanna accept that. But it is my belief. It is my belief that we are master, master creators and we are so powerful. And like how cool that, I mean, look, I'm sitting here like two years ago, I was like, dang, I really love this podcast. And I was like, I could really see myself on this podcast. And here I am. But we're also manifesting. Little things like a cup of tea. It's just, um, I love it. I think it's fun to play.

• 39:17Lewis Howes?

  It is fun.

• 39:17Speaker 01

  Once you get familiar with how it all works, it's fun to.

• 39:20Lewis Howes?

  Now, but you mentioned something earlier about like you felt like you were a victim for a long time, right?

• 39:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:24Lewis Howes?

  Like you were living in victim energy.

• 39:26Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 39:26Lewis Howes?

  Obviously, you were creating stuff and from the outside, you know, people didn't see your failures. Even though you had three shows that didn't extend after the first season or didn't get picked up after the pilot or whatever.

• 39:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:39Lewis Howes?

  But everyone else on the outside is seeing you win, except for maybe close industry friends, hearing about something canceling.

• 39:45Speaker 01

  Ten trolls on the internet.

• 39:46Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, exactly. Whatever. Like, oh, it didn't work out for you. But it sounded like you were living in a victim energy inside of you. And it's because you weren't feeling worthy or deserving of the success. Or like, I've already received too much success and I shouldn't have received that much anyways.

• 40:02Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:02Lewis Howes?

  When did you start to shift out of victim and unworthiness energy into hero or main character energy?

• 40:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, I love that.

• 40:12Lewis Howes?

  Into and into, I am deserving and worthy of all the blessings that come to my life.

• 40:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:19Lewis Howes?

  When, how did you shift that energy from I'm undeserving to deserving?

• 40:23Speaker 01

  I mean, I feel like it was around the time I got sober. I mean, definitely a year or two before I got sober. I started having these like little glimmers of hope or like things were really connecting for me spiritually. Or like how I was getting in my own way, how I was contributing to this sob story. Or like contributing to my own suffering, you know? And that is the biggest wake up call a soul can have is when they're like, oh my God, this is my part in why I'm in so much pain. Because I think it's so easy for us to just like blame, blame, blame, blame.

• 40:55Lewis Howes?

  Who, so you're blaming who? Like managers or agents or like studios or?

• 40:59Speaker 01

  No, I mean, I think I was just, yeah, it was like people around me or other people in the industry.

• 41:06Lewis Howes?

  Or are you saying like, oh, this girl got it because of some other reason or what?

• 41:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was like, oh, I'm not, I don't look a certain way or I'm not a good enough actor. Or like, what are these stupid stories that we tell ourselves that aren't true? Like, I was just giving my power away too easily. And, and, and all of that started to shift when I, first I had to get clear headed, right? It was like, okay, stop drinking, stop doing all this stuff and just like really, let's get back in alignment. And I had to be really clear headed and, you know, the first year of sobriety was really about. Just in my environment changed, the people I was with changed. The second year was

• 41:46Lewis Howes?

  Cause you're not hanging out with the same people who are drinking.

• 41:48Speaker 01

  My whole life completely changed. But I have been lucky that a lot of, like my family, I have some, all of my closest friends have been my friends for years, years, years and they were, you know, stood by my side, but a lot of my life changed, looked different. The second year was more about like, okay, I need to integrate into the world and have fun. But I was, you know, I can't like sit at home in my house all day with my dogs, although.

• 42:16Lewis Howes?

  It's pretty fun too though.

• 42:16Speaker 01

  Although, and then the third year, so the year I just came out, cause I'm in my, going to my fourth year. My third year was like, everything changed.

• 42:25Lewis Howes?

  Really? Last year?

• 42:26Speaker 01

  Everything I had bottled up came to the surface. It was like I got hit with everything one after one and I was like emotional whiplash. And luckily, work was, I had a lot of time last year to deal. You know, it's funny how those things, I was like, thank you universe, cause I really needed time to sit with it.

• 42:48Lewis Howes?

  And if you're working all the time, you don't have time to sit.

• 42:51Speaker 01

  It's like, I'm busy, like I'm booked and busy. I don't have to worry about my like emotions or whatever, like stupid. Um, but I had the time and, and it was during that year where I realized,

• 43:04Speaker 01

  oh, like if I change the way I think and I believe it and I embody that, like I can change everything in my life. And so.

• 43:16Lewis Howes?

  So what were your thoughts like on repeat for two decades before you started to change your thinking?

• 43:21Speaker 01

  It was, it wasn't all bad. Like there were, I think I've always had like an innate sense of purpose. Like I, I always was like, I'm here to do something important. I haven't always known what that is, but I've always had, I always feel like I've been very open and I've had a good heart. Like I wasn't just constantly like shitting on myself, you know, but, but I think a lot of the limiting beliefs were, um.

• 43:50Speaker 01

  Playing small. I thought I needed to be really quiet.

• 43:53Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 43:53Speaker 01

  And just, yeah, yeah, really, I thought, because to me, the limiting belief of speaking up, setting boundaries, speaking your mind, I was like, oh, that is a troubled woman. Like, that is too much. That, that, this, a theme in my life, for all the girlies listening, I feel like it is a similar theme with women, feeling like we're too much, too emotional, too complex, whatever it is. And, and I really tried to make myself small. And, and it worked, because I'm like five foot two, I'm like, I'm physically small, and I, and I just need to be the nice girl, and I need to be really polite. And I need to do what people tell me, and then,

• 44:38Speaker 01

  then, you know, I'm gonna be accepted and loved and adored, whatever. And it did kind of work for a while, but I felt, I didn't feel like myself, because I do have opinions and I do have ideas, and I know what I want, I definitely know what I don't want. And it's so fun to be able to stand in a place of power, while also being kind. I think I, I think I thought, if you spoke up, you were not kind, but it's just not true, like, there's a way to do it.

• 45:07Lewis Howes?

  I think the most powerful human in the world is someone who can courageously share their opinions and create boundaries in a kind and conscious way.

• 45:17Speaker 01

  100%.

• 45:18Lewis Howes?

  Not screaming and reacting and like, get away from me, but actually like, you know what you just did, like, that doesn't work for me?

• 45:24Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:24Lewis Howes?

  And I want to let you know, maybe I'm misinterpreting something, but I need to have distance from you for a while, or I need to create this boundary, but like, actually having the courage

• 45:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:32Lewis Howes?

  to disappoint someone?

• 45:34Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 45:34Lewis Howes?

  And have someone not like you?

• 45:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:36Lewis Howes?

  In order to create safety within you?

• 45:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:39Lewis Howes?

  Is one of the hardest things to do.

• 45:40Speaker 01

  The courage to be disliked, like, that is powerful.

• 45:46Speaker 01

  But guess what? You're actually doing things right if people don't like you. Because living in your truth and be... I have found that when I've been, and it's kind of what we were talking about earlier, when I have felt the most aligned, been speaking my truth, like emanating my inner light, it triggers a lot of people.

• 46:04Lewis Howes?

  Oh, yeah.

• 46:05Speaker 01

  Oh, it triggers... I've had, the amount of people, it's like, are like, there was a couple of people online that were like, "I don't believe her, phony." But it doesn't faze me because I know who I am. So actually, if you're pissing people off, or people don't like you, you're doing, you're doing something right. Because there has to be duality to everything. Not everyone's gonna love you, not everyone's gonna adore you.

• 46:27Lewis Howes?

  100%.

• 46:28Speaker 01

  And actually, it's took the pressure off of me. Because I felt like I had to do that. And I'm like, "It's too tiring."

• 46:33Lewis Howes?

  You don't need everyone to like you anymore.

• 46:35Speaker 01

  No.

• 46:35Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, and you can just be yourself.

• 46:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 46:37Lewis Howes?

  It doesn't mean you wanna like, try to piss everyone off.

• 46:39Speaker 01

  No, no. And I'm like, "Please love me."

• 46:43Lewis Howes?

  Please love me.

• 46:43Speaker 01

  Please love me. No, it's, it's, it's a good balance, for sure.

• 46:46Lewis Howes?

  That's great. Another quote you have, talking about this whole journey. This was on, I think, a three-year anniversary post after getting sober. You wrote this on Instagram. It said, "I began my journey in remembering who I am. Since then, I've experienced moments that can only be described as pure miracles and magic."

• 47:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 47:04Lewis Howes?

  What are a few of those moments in the last three years since being sober that have been miracles and magic for you?

• 47:10Speaker 01

  I think for me, I struggle a lot with being present in every sense of the word. I think, I think that's why I liked being, I like being an actor is because I, I'm forced to be very present. And I connected those dots. I was like, "Oh, my God, that's why I gravitated towards it as a child." Because it took me out of my head and I could just focus on whatever I was doing.

• 47:34Speaker 01

  But my life...

• 47:37Speaker 01

  There's so much stillness in my life the last couple of years. And I'll just have these moments where it's not anything profound. I'm just like sitting, drinking my coffee with my dogs. And I'll just be so moved to tears by how great I feel. It's almost like I can't believe I'm so comfortable in my own skin. I felt really afraid of myself for a long time. I was afraid of my choices. I felt like, you know, I felt like a wild card. And so to just be really, no, it was...

• 48:11Lewis Howes?

  Really? You just didn't know? Any day you could be just something wild or crazy?

• 48:14Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, sober me, I was... But I was a people pleaser. And so I just never, I felt like I was trying on all of these different masks. And none of them really felt like me. And so now I just like, what I meant by that, that quote about miracles and magic is I feel so connected to myself. And I feel connected to my, I called him my team, my, my, my, my guide team up there. And I just am in awe of what I've been able to do. I'm in awe of other people. I feel like I have so much empathy for people and what everyone's fighting silent battles we know nothing about.

• 49:00Speaker 01

  I mean, I'm like the perfect example of that for, for 10 years. And there were so many people who I don't have resentment towards them, but like they just didn't know what I was going through. And that's why it's so vital to be kind, to always be kind. And I don't think I would have

• 49:21Speaker 01

  garnered that amount of understanding or empathy had, had I not gone through what I've gone through. And I don't think, and I don't mean like enable people.

• 49:31Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 49:31Speaker 01

  But like, we don't understand anyone else's point of view, or what people are going through. So just be patient.

• 49:38Lewis Howes?

  Do you feel like you were kind and patient with others?

• 49:46Speaker 01

  At moments, yeah, and then I would get mad that people wouldn't show up for me. And so, so then I'm like, oh, was I only doing those things to get something in return? Because that's not actually giving. If I'm giving my time or my energy just because I want them to show up for me, that's selfish. That's people pleasing. And so that was a big wake up call for me to be like, oh, my God, am I not as good of a person as I thought I was? Because people pleasing is actually selfish. Like, you can still be a good person, but it comes from a, oh, yeah. And, and if I act this way, then I'll be accepted and loved and adored.

• 50:19Lewis Howes?

  That was most of my life. It was like trying to fit in or trying to make people happy, especially intimacy.

• 50:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:26Lewis Howes?

  It was like, I was, I felt whenever I was single, I was so joyful. And I felt like I could be my authentic self.

• 50:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:32Lewis Howes?

  And then six months after getting into a relationship or nine months, for whatever reason, I would choose people out of a womb. I'm not making these people wrong. I would choose them out of a womb where they never accepted who I fully was. And they wanted me to change to make them feel safer or more comfortable or whatever. And then I would change to please them. And then I resent myself, I resent them, I resent the relationship. But I was like, I'm going to try to do whatever it takes to make it work. And then I couldn't get out of the relationship because I was like, I invested all this time. And then it was like a cycle.

• 51:02Speaker 01

  And you were like attracting the same type of-

• 51:04Lewis Howes?

  Same person.

• 51:05Speaker 01

  Like, this is what I mean about the lesson, we'll keep repeating until you-

• 51:09Lewis Howes?

  Until it got really painful. And then I was just like, I almost had a similar wake up call where it's just like, I can't live like this. This, I've repeated this five, six, seven times now, over like 15 years or something. And I've got to look within.

• 51:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:23Lewis Howes?

  I've got to do some healing work. I've got to create boundaries in a conscious way. I've got to learn how to say no. I've got to learn to not people please, all these things.

• 51:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:31Lewis Howes?

  So it was about four, four and a half years ago when I started the healing journey for myself in a different level. I started healing 12 years ago around sexual abuse.

• 51:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:41Lewis Howes?

  But then four and a half years ago around intimacy and relationship.

• 51:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:45Lewis Howes?

  Around the people pleasing. And that's when everything started to change for me. Talk about miracles and magic. I mean, it's like, I would not be able to create a sense of peace inside of me without doing that healing work. And I know you talked about- Healing the inner child for for about a year during my healing journey. I had a photo on my phone of my, you know, like eight year old self.

• 52:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:08Lewis Howes?

  Right? And so every moment I looked at my phone, I was reminded to reclaim.

• 52:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:13Lewis Howes?

  The boy inside of me and to say, you know what, I'm like, he was screaming at me. Through eczema or through chest palpitations, through like pain in my chest, through feeling like someone was choking me. It's like the boy inside of me was saying, take care of me.

• 52:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, trying to get your attention.

• 52:32Lewis Howes?

  Stop neglecting me. And recreate that integrated healing of oneness of all the parts of me. And it wasn't until I started to really heal the little boy in me and turn around and face myself.

• 52:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 52:48Lewis Howes?

  And the darkness and the wounds and start integrating, that's when the pain left my body.

• 52:53Speaker 01

  It's, that's so powerful, the way you just worded that. And I did talk therapy for many years and we did a lot of inner child work. Um, a lot of inner child work, a lot of like meditations where I visualize myself as a little kid. Even for my, it's, it's interesting to do for other people too, because if you're angry at someone, if you do a meditation or you can even journal about it. Envision their inner child.

• 53:17Lewis Howes?

  Powerful.

• 53:17Speaker 01

  You can't be mad. It just like.

• 53:19Lewis Howes?

  So you see a little girl, little boy who's hurt or sad.

• 53:22Speaker 01

  Everyone's wounded. We're all wounded. Okay. The thing I just posted today says, the irony is that your light grows brighter the more you embrace your darkness.

• 53:33Speaker 01

  Isn't that crazy? The only way out is through. It's so, so true. And um.

• 53:39Lewis Howes?

  What did you learn about little Lucy when you started doing inner child healing? What did you learn about what she needed most that you were neglecting for her to receive?

• 53:51Speaker 01

  I think as a kid and still sometimes now, I think definitely as a child. I didn't feel like I had emotional safety. Or I felt like I was, I was a very emotional child, very complex. Um, didn't know what to do with these big feelings like. I'm talking like really questioning some big stuff as a small kid.

• 54:15Lewis Howes?

  What'd you question?

• 54:16Speaker 01

  Like, purpose of life, like, I felt, I remember telling my mom when I was very small, I was like, I feel like I'm gonna die. Really, I feel like I'm, I'm gonna die young. I'm talking, I'm like three, four years old, crazy stuff. And so, there was a darkness there, there was a desire to,

• 54:35Speaker 01

  to know, and I was curious about a lot, and I, and I, and I never really felt like I had a lot of people to connect to, and I'm sure like, seeing a kid with like that kind of energy probably freaked people out, you know? As an adult, it's cool as hell, like, I love it, I love that about me, but as a, as a little kid, you know, I-

• 54:54Lewis Howes?

  You didn't feel emotionally safe?

• 54:56Speaker 01

  No, I, I felt like, in, if, if I were to express what I was truly feeling,

• 55:03Speaker 01

  there wasn't always an outlet to go to, like, I, I, I spent a lot of time in my room crying because like, that is where I felt safe to like actually be myself. And I think that's also why I spent a lot of time alone. I also wanna say, my parents are amazing, by the way, I'm not saying, it was just, I, I don't feel like, it was very different than a lot of other kids I knew, and,

• 55:28Speaker 01

  and that's why I think music came into my life, because I think it became this like, safe space for me. But I, but I also think, if I were to be sitting next to little Lucy, I think she just wanted to be understood and seen and, able to cry if she wants to, able to laugh if she wants to, like, just free, I think I just wanted freedom.

• 55:53Lewis Howes?

  Why did you not feel free?

• 55:56Speaker 01

  I think, without going too deep, I, um, how do I word this? I think a part of me was really scared of what I was feeling, my intensity. I still get scared of my intensity sometimes, but also, I, um, my parents were divorced when I was young. And so, I think when something like that happens for a kid around like four or five.

• 56:23Lewis Howes?

  Scary.

• 56:24Speaker 01

  I didn't understand what was happening, but of course, I'm absorbing the energy of that. And I wanted to make my dad and my mom happy, and so I was like a shapeshifter. I could do whatever I needed to do. I realized early on, if I acted this way, that made certain people happy. If I acted this way, it made certain people not happy, so I'm not gonna do that. So I'm just gonna be this person. And so, I maybe took on some emotional burdens, really young. Um, once again, no anger or resentment towards that at all anymore. I've sorted through that, but, but also, I think,

• 57:00Speaker 01

  even before I moved to LA, I was just always growing up quickly. And this is a lot of people's story, right? Like, I'm sure as parents, I'm not a parent yet, I'm sure when you're a parent, you're gonna screw up. You're gonna mess up. They were doing the best they could. Um, and I have been really lucky that they've been very, my sweet mom, she's been so patient with me over the years and, um, I've always been very supported by both my parents. Um, I think at times, maybe not understood by them. I think we're, we're all different people. But, but I have a really good relationship with my mom and, and a good relationship with my dad, too. I, I see my parts of them in me.

• 57:44Speaker 01

  I definitely know what I've gotten from my dad and what I get from my mom. And it's such a, a nice place to have forgiven. This is what I mean about not blaming. How many people do you know are like, "Well, my so-and-so did this, and that's why I'm this way"? It's like, okay, keep telling yourself that, and you're gonna keep being miserable.

• 58:02Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 58:02Speaker 01

  So I was like, "I'm gonna stop blaming all the characters in my life."

• 58:06Lewis Howes?

  When did you start, stop blaming everyone?

• 58:09Speaker 01

  The last couple of years.

• 58:10Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 58:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, this is new. I

• 58:13Lewis Howes?

  And how does it feel? I mean, because almost when you're blaming others, you're a victim to what they did.

• 58:17Speaker 01

  This is what I mean about the victim mentality. It was, that's what it was like, oh, well, I came from, I'm a child of divorce. It's like, yeah, Lucy, so is like 90% of America, you know, like get over it, deal with it. Don't, don't, don't, but don't wallow in it anymore. Okay, that's the cards you've been dealt.

• 58:35Speaker 01

  What did it teach you? Everything's a learning experience. Everything that happens to you, good, bad, ugly, pretty, whatever, is there to teach you if you choose to take that route, and I do. It's exhausting sometimes. Sometimes I'm like, ah, ignorance is wisdom.

• 58:52Lewis Howes?

  I know.

• 58:52Speaker 01

  But once, as you know, once you're on that path, there's no looking back. You don't stop. You don't just say, nah, I'm good here. No, keep climbing, keep going.

• 59:01Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, it's tough because once you, I guess, started to heal and get out of, and really take full responsibility for everything, and create meaning from the past pain, not saying it's okay what things happen to you, but say, okay, this did happen and I can either be a victim to it, or I can take, create meaning from it and see how I can be empowered from it.

• 59:24Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 59:25Lewis Howes?

  Once I do that,

• 59:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:27Lewis Howes?

  Uh, not excuse people's behaviors or whatever, or actions, but once I take meaning.

• 59:31Speaker 01

  That's what I was gonna say, like with your experience, of course you didn't deserve that. Of course, people don't deserve for those things to happen to you. Absolutely not condoning that. But it's like you, I'm sure you've had to say, okay, this is what happened. I didn't deserve it. And you've obviously taken such a beautiful path with it.

• 59:51Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, and you can, well, I can either stay in victimhood.

• 59:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:54Lewis Howes?

  And let that anger fuel me.

• 59:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:57Lewis Howes?

  Which I did for a long time.

• 59:58Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 59:59Lewis Howes?

  And it created results out of anger and out of frustration and resentment and feeling abused and taken advantage of. So I was driven to prove people wrong.

• 1:00:09Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 1:00:09Lewis Howes?

  And it got results. Anger is probably the second most powerful fuel in the world. It will get you what you want.

• 1:00:16Speaker 01

  So true.

• 1:00:16Lewis Howes?

  But you won't feel the way you want to feel. Once you get the results.

• 1:00:20Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:00:20Lewis Howes?

  You're not going to feel it. Love. You're not going to feel peace. You're not going to feel alignment because you did everything out of anger, revenge, proving.

• 1:00:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:30Lewis Howes?

  You know, I'm going to show them. I'm going to do something as opposed to I'm going to show up for the greatest version of me. And live an empowered life to serve and inspire people around me.

• 1:00:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:41Lewis Howes?

  And really step into the version of me that I'm most excited about, that wants me to become something greater. And I think when we can step into that energy of like, this is a goal and a dream because it's going to help and serve others in the pursuit of this dream. It's just a fuel that is more renewable and it feels more peaceful.

• 1:00:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:01Speaker 01

  So wait, so it's anger because I agree with you that anger is not necessarily that. But I also believe there's like a spectrum of emotions, right? And like, you can't go from shame, depression, all the way to like bliss. You have to like work up the ladder, right?

• 1:01:14Lewis Howes?

  You've got to learn through the ladder.

• 1:01:15Speaker 01

  You've got to learn through the ladders better. Yeah, but I do agree.

• 1:01:19Lewis Howes?

  Because you can only live in anger for so long. Like it's not sustainable.

• 1:01:23Speaker 01

  Well, and anger causes so many.

• 1:01:25Lewis Howes?

  Disease and cancer and frustration and hurts. And you react in different ways that you're, you know, you're like, I wish I didn't say that. You have to repair a lot more from anger.

• 1:01:35Speaker 01

  It's so true. You're so much more reactive.

• 1:01:36Lewis Howes?

  And you're kind of like blowing and blowing through relationships and burning bridges. You're just like, ah, you know.

• 1:01:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:42Lewis Howes?

  And so you can get results, but is it going to be a rewarding life?

• 1:01:46Speaker 01

  It's so true.

• 1:01:46Lewis Howes?

  And I think the true reward comes from healing and feeling whole while you create. It doesn't mean you can't tap into the darkness or tap into the memories of the pain. But I think living in that space is very painful.

• 1:02:01Speaker 01

  What do they call it? Emotional alchemy?

• 1:02:02Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:03Speaker 01

  It's like transforming it.

• 1:02:04Lewis Howes?

  Transforming it, transmuting it.

• 1:02:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's power.

• 1:02:07Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, and it doesn't mean I'm like going to be perfect every day. I'm going to have frustration and anger, but it's like, how can I get back to a place of love and peace and calm? And really alignment.

• 1:02:17Speaker 01

  It's so true. And I think that, you know, when people haven't seen me in a while, they're like, oh my God, you're just, you're doing great. And I'm like, I am doing great, but it doesn't, just because you make certain choices, doesn't mean that every day is just

• 1:02:31Lewis Howes?

  No.

• 1:02:31Speaker 01

  glowing, glittery sunshine. I mean, there are days where I'm like, I feel like I'm on drugs because I'm so excited about life or passionate, like. No, it's just like learning, oh, I'm having a really bad day and I'm gonna let myself have a bad day. And then I'm gonna let it go and have a better day tomorrow.

• 1:02:49Lewis Howes?

  And not stay in victimhood for too long.

• 1:02:51Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, cuz it's easy. Oh, God, it's so easy to latch on to it.

• 1:02:54Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:55Lewis Howes?

  Now, how do you navigate, I mean, we don't have to talk about this if you don't want to, but how do you navigate?

• 1:03:00Speaker 01

  Is it about dating?

• 1:03:03Speaker 01

  I was like-

• 1:03:03Lewis Howes?

  Relationships in general.

• 1:03:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:03:05Lewis Howes?

  It doesn't have to be about intimacy, but-

• 1:03:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:07Lewis Howes?

  When you start to heal, knowing what I've gone through in my past relationship journey of getting into relationships out of a wound.

• 1:03:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:15Lewis Howes?

  Versus getting into or being open to relationships out of wholeness, or the journey of wholeness.

• 1:03:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:23Lewis Howes?

  How have you reflected on that when you think about previous relationships? And I don't know your dating history, this is not what this is about, but-

• 1:03:30Speaker 01

  Well, how long do you have?

• 1:03:33Lewis Howes?

  It's not really about like who you're dating or who you're not or whatever. It's like, how do you navigate

• 1:03:40Lewis Howes?

  your vision for a relationship that you want and creating that in your mind, daydreaming again in your mind about the type of relationship you want intimately or personally or professionally? And creating from that space-

• 1:03:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:54Lewis Howes?

  Of vision around values and around a person who's also on a healing journey or who's got a growth mindset, not in victimhood, or not being attracted to people who have shiny objects about them, but more attracted to their spiritual alignment. Have you thought about that in terms of working relationships, but also intimate relationships?

• 1:04:14Speaker 01

  I think about it in every type of friendships, family dynamics, romantic relationships, even people that I'm hanging out with just, you know, for a little bit, definitely working relationships. I think all of those have changed astronomically when I started putting myself first. Because what happens- Yeah, let's go. But I think it's-

• 1:04:39Speaker 01

  The type of people I was attracting in my past were people who were of a similar wound or were going to trigger my wound.

• 1:04:48Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 1:04:49Speaker 01

  Caught in that cycle. And that's how the universe works. That's, I'm not a scientist, but like, Billy Carson can tell you how that works, right? I also was attracting, you know, some relationships, without getting too specific, that weren't for my highest good. But now, oh, I think about this every day, but it's almost like I don't even need to worry about who's coming into my life as long as I'm true to me, because if I'm embodying the person I want to be with, if I'm living from a place of love, of integrity, of value, of passion, whatever, I can only attract people who are that.

• 1:05:27Lewis Howes?

  A mirror of that.

• 1:05:28Speaker 01

  No one else can even break through that barrier, and if they do, I recognize it very quickly, and I'm sorry, but they gotta go.

• 1:05:33Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:05:34Speaker 01

  Because like I said, where I'm at in my life, work too hard. I have a zero tolerance for people who aren't gonna elevate my life.

• 1:05:40Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:05:41Speaker 01

  I'm not pulling people up. I can connect, I can support, I can be there, but especially in intimate relationships, like, we have to be of the same mindset. There has to be like a similar outlook in the world, like spirituality is very important to me. But yeah, I feel like I'm very clear on the type of

• 1:06:04Speaker 01

  people I want to spend time with. Definitely.

• 1:06:06Lewis Howes?

  What are those values to look for then with someone that could be an intimate partner or a professional relationship? What are the values that they need to embody for you to feel like this is alignment of just being in a relationship with you?

• 1:06:18Speaker 01

  I feel like transparency is super, super important to me.

• 1:06:24Speaker 01

  And I feel like when I have that, everything else is okay. Because if you're being honest and transparent with me, like, I can believe your word. I've been in so many dynamics where, you know, especially in L.A., people are like, oh, yeah. You know, they'll tell you one thing and you never hear from them again. And I mean, it's more of, I don't know if it's exact values, but I'm seeking out people who are on a similar path as me, who are actively working towards

• 1:06:54Speaker 01

  Getting to know themselves more, connecting with other people. But yeah, I don't know how you feel, but when you're on this path, like it's not that. I don't want to say it's hard because that is a limiting belief that it's hard. It's just. It's, I feel like I'm in a phase of my life where it's weeding out the things that are not supposed to be a part of my life anymore. So.

• 1:07:20Lewis Howes?

  Cleaning it up.

• 1:07:21Speaker 01

  Cleaning out, cleaning house.

• 1:07:22Lewis Howes?

  It's interesting when I, transparency is so, is so key and I really think it's just pure honesty. Like everything you say is an honest thing.

• 1:07:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:30Lewis Howes?

  And you're being authentic to the moment. And when I started, you know, when Martha and I, my wife started dating. She was asking me like very, you know, just honest, real questions from the beginning. And I go, are you sure you want to hear the answers? Because people usually don't like certain answers of past stuff I've been through or whatever it might be.

• 1:07:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:50Lewis Howes?

  And she goes, yeah, I always want to hear the truth. I go, okay, well, I'm going to tell you the truth about everything you asked me then. So be ready.

• 1:07:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:07:57Lewis Howes?

  But we'll see how you react. If you react where you're like hurt or upset or like angry about something in my past. Then it doesn't work for me. Like you have to be willing to receive and accept all of me in my past. It doesn't mean that's like what I'm doing now, but it's like. You gotta understand all the complexities of me.

• 1:08:16Speaker 01

  I.

• 1:08:16Lewis Howes?

  And she was, and so from the beginning, I was just like, you sure you want the answer? She was like, yes. And I would tell the answer to any question. And she was really great at not reacting with like negative or positive, just like, thank you for being honest. Even if it was like hard for her to hear something, she was like, thank you. And she didn't scream or react or run away or anything. And I think when you can be fully transparent with one another. You, your word becomes powerful and you can trust the person.

• 1:08:45Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:08:45Lewis Howes?

  But when you're not transparent and you're hiding even little lies here and there.

• 1:08:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, it adds up.

• 1:08:50Lewis Howes?

  It adds up. And then you're living like two different lives.

• 1:08:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:08:53Lewis Howes?

  You know, the truth inside of you, but you know, you're not sharing that fully with the person in front of you.

• 1:08:58Speaker 01

  Right. And I think, you know, this ties back to what little Lucy needed. Like I'm, I, I'm desiring emotional safety.

• 1:09:06Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:09:06Speaker 01

  And for someone to look at me, look at all parts of me, everything I've done, the woman I'm becoming, the woman I am today and say. I freaking love this woman. Like I accept all parts of you and just feeling really.

• 1:09:21Speaker 01

  Safe. And I think that that for me like. I'm not going to go into my astrological chart, but like emotional safety is so important.

• 1:09:28Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:09:29Speaker 01

  And to feel seen in that way is like.

• 1:09:32Lewis Howes?

  What are the, what are the things you do for yourself on a daily basis to create emotional safety for you?

• 1:09:39Speaker 01

  So I know my, uh, I hate this word, but I know my triggers. So overused, but I know my, uh, like fault lines. I know what's gonna take me. So it's really important for me to start my day with like pure energy. So I do my best to wake up. I'm not reaching for my phone, like social media. I wish I could be one of those people where, you know, I look at social media for three minutes and I don't think about it, but it's not it like, my brain goes, I'm going to grasp on to, you know, it, I'll just spiral. So I try to, you know, I stay off my phone. It's important for me to have a really intentional morning. And by that, I mean,

• 1:10:22Speaker 01

  whether that's meditating or outside walking with the dogs or just time where I can, I mean, I call it prayer time, but you can call it whatever, talking to the universe, talking to yourself. Um, and I get really clear on what my soul wants me to do that day. I literally ask, what do you need from me today? And so sometimes I'll like journal out just like stream of consciousness writing. And sometimes I hear really specific things like go do, go drive this way to get coffee or go to this coffee shop, or sometimes I hear nothing and that's okay. But I've been really leaning into learning to trust my intuition and really just getting comfortable with that and getting familiar, familiar with what

• 1:11:07Speaker 01

  my higher self is trying to, to tell me to do. But you know, I'm also really intentional about the places I go, the people I see. I love what I do, so I love being busy with work, but yeah, I'm just very intentional about what I'm gonna step into. And if I do have to go somewhere where I know it's going to be overwhelming or maybe not somewhere I'd necessarily go. Just protect myself with that white light and I go and then I all you know what I do every day.

• 1:11:36Speaker 01

  When I get home from like being around a lot of people, I shower, just get all that energy off and I just literally imagine it going down the drain. So I do like a lot of cleansing stuff.

• 1:11:44Lewis Howes?

  That's cool.

• 1:11:45Speaker 01

  I do sound healing, meditation, all the things, energy work, Reiki, I'm obsessed, obsessed with astrology right now. And for me, it's, it's important to remain curious and playful. I think I,

• 1:12:00Speaker 01

  I think we're all like as we get, obviously when we get older, we lose that like childlike curiosity and I find that I'm happiest when I'm, you know, researching about some very niche topic. So I try to stay curious. Yeah.

• 1:12:13Lewis Howes?

  What about, I mean, I think that's beautiful and playfulness is, I think the key to staying young, just being playful. And you hear a lot of actors who are like, it doesn't seem like they age and I feel like it's because you get to play all day. You're like playing character and you're playing fun and you're the role playing and it's just like a yes and mentality. It's not a block. It's more of like, let me keep trying, let me keep exploring.

• 1:12:34Speaker 01

  It's make believe. It's so fun. Yeah.

• 1:12:36Lewis Howes?

  What is,

• 1:12:38Lewis Howes?

  you know, I keep hearing you talk about, you know, your spiritual practice. Do you hear messages from God?

• 1:12:45Lewis Howes?

  What is, what does God speak to you on a consistent basis? What are you hearing God say?

• 1:12:50Speaker 01

  I mean, it's more of, sometimes it's not like specific words, but it's more of a, a feeling of just, have you ever experienced this where you're just so overcome with gratitude? That you have no doubt in your mind that you're in the exact right place in your life? And that's more what I feel these days. Like when I, when I was gonna do the podcast and then saw you at the gym. It's like moments like that, like that is God. God orchestrates things in your life to let you know you're on the right path.

• 1:13:21Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:13:22Speaker 01

  The synchronicities, the signs are always there. So it's more of just feelings. I get goosebumps all the time. Like that is how I know I'm in alignment is, it's usually only my left side. It's really interesting.

• 1:13:36Lewis Howes?

  What happens if you get goosebumps on the right side?

• 1:13:38Speaker 01

  I'm screwed.

• 1:13:39Lewis Howes?

  It's a bad day.

• 1:13:40Speaker 01

  I'm screwed. But I do hear, you know, sometimes in meditations, I've heard some interesting things. Like I've heard,

• 1:13:50Speaker 01

  Do I go here?

• 1:13:51Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:13:52Speaker 01

  Okay, I heard yes. So I've heard like names. I really have. I heard a name in a meditation. And I had no idea what this name was, but I heard it very loudly. And I was like, I don't know a Doris. Who is Doris? So I called my mom. I put it in my notes app and I called her the next day. I was like, Mom, do we have a Doris in our family? She was like, yeah, honey, that's your great grandmother.

• 1:14:15Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 1:14:15Speaker 01

  Yeah. So I feel really connected to people who have passed. And I feel like it's hard for me to be still. It's hard for me to quiet my mind. But when I do, the stuff that comes through is really profound. Yeah.

• 1:14:29Speaker 01

  Now people are gonna be like, Lucy talks to dead people.

• 1:14:34Speaker 01

  I wish.

• 1:14:35Lewis Howes?

  When was the, so you moved here when you were 15?

• 1:14:38Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:14:39Lewis Howes?

  When did you feel like you started going off alignment?

• 1:14:43Speaker 01

  Off the rails?

• 1:14:44Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, kind of just like, alright, so maybe it was small to start, but then it was like, what age do you feel like, okay, I wasn't in that pure light consciousness just much anymore? I was starting to like be more in the material world, not the spiritual world, or get into the dark side a little bit more internally?

• 1:14:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, probably like 18.

• 1:15:02Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 1:15:03Speaker 01

  I think that was around when I was living on my own and I started making, and I'm not saying that living on your own and making money and success equals bad. But for me, yeah, it was around that time. I was living on my own and my career was taking off and.

• 1:15:19Lewis Howes?

  If you don't have the right influences or environment around you, you could easily sway into other influences.

• 1:15:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, but it's also like, if you're a teenager.

• 1:15:27Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 1:15:28Speaker 01

  We were all doing that for a while. Everyone was wilding out. Everyone was staying up all night. And so I would say around like 18, 19, 20, I had the moments of my behavior is a little different than everyone else's. And oh, I'm seeing some videos of myself and that seems really scary. Or like the desire to want to continue. The party, and I don't even like calling it partying because that makes it sound like it was enjoyable. But like to continue to, I guess like the benders started because I was, you know.

• 1:16:02Lewis Howes?

  Was this just alcohol or drugs and alcohol or just?

• 1:16:05Speaker 01

  Mainly alcohol, but towards the end it was also drugs.

• 1:16:08Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:16:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:16:10Lewis Howes?

  And was there any like eating behaviors or?

• 1:16:12Speaker 01

  Oh, well, so, yes. So that was actually my first kind of addictive behavior was I, like, undiagnosed, but I definitely had issues with it. I had a, from like thirteen to mid twenties. And I actually think it was the eating disorder that fueled the drinking.

• 1:16:32Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 1:16:32Speaker 01

  But one of the reasons because I obsessed so much about my weight and, you know, the amount of calories or how much I was working out, that when I'd drink, I'd eat whatever I wanted. And I didn't think about anything and I thought I looked decent enough to go, you know, it was, it just like really, you know, it gave my mind a break from all of that. And so I think it was a reprieve from

• 1:16:56Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 1:16:57Speaker 01

  That turmoil. Yeah.

• 1:16:58Lewis Howes?

  So it's like two extremes.

• 1:17:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:17:00Lewis Howes?

  Like during the week, I'm counting calories and obsessing about what I'm eating. And then on the weekend, I'm drinking whatever and eating whatever.

• 1:17:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:17:07Lewis Howes?

  As a kind of a release.

• 1:17:08Speaker 01

  Yeah. And that's pretty common for people with addictive behaviors that you'll channel it into something different. So, um, so the, like the fifteen years where I was on and off sober, I did have long periods of sobriety, but the eating disorder would kick up. And then, you know, so it was constantly being fueled.

• 1:17:25Lewis Howes?

  One addiction to the next.

• 1:17:26Speaker 01

  Yes. And that's really common. So a lot of people that get sober will fall back into eaty territory or

• 1:17:33Lewis Howes?

  Or smoking or something else.

• 1:17:34Speaker 01

  A lot of people, you know, my, I got addicted to sugar. I'm still kind of addicted to sugar, but a lot of people like early sobriety will just candy, candy, caffeine, caffeine. You know what I never picked up though? Smoking.

• 1:17:46Lewis Howes?

  Hmm, it's probably a good thing.

• 1:17:47Speaker 01

  Shocking.

• 1:17:48Lewis Howes?

  It's a good thing.

• 1:17:48Speaker 01

  Shocking. I don't know. I, I was like, I'm in my mid thirties. I can't start now.

• 1:17:53Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 1:17:54Speaker 01

  There was a moment where I was like, should I? No.

• 1:17:55Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe you're twenty-one, it's different.

• 1:17:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

• 1:17:58Lewis Howes?

  Interesting. Okay, so thirteen is when the eating disorder started.

• 1:18:03Speaker 01

  Around, yeah. That's when I remember having abnormal thinking.

• 1:18:07Lewis Howes?

  What do you think that is? Is that more of just like trying to fit in in school or is that more the stress from home life?

• 1:18:12Speaker 01

  Control. I think, I think I felt emotionally out of control. I, I saw things happening in my environment where That were really uncomfortable and so I don't want to speak for everyone, but a lot of people I know who who have struggled with disordered eating.

• 1:18:31Speaker 01

  It gives them a false sense of control with their life and it's like the one thing that's theirs when everything else feels like it's out of control and it got really the eating disorder got really heightened when I moved to LA. I mean shocker. Because then it was not only the control thing, it was also

• 1:18:50Speaker 01

  I want to be an actress in LA and I I felt like I needed to look a certain way. And the truth is I didn't. The truth is those stories we tell ourselves are not true. I mean, maybe a different time in the industry, but I'm sure I would have been accepted and loved had I not been doing that, but but what's crazy is that I had the eating disorder, booked all the jobs. So I was like, well, it worked. And so then it like further fueled these negative behaviors. It's kind of like the thing you're saying anger will get you places. It's kind of the same mentality. Cause I, you know, I was drinking and doing all this stuff, had the eating disorder, but I was still getting

• 1:19:30Lewis Howes?

  Results.

• 1:19:31Speaker 01

  The the prize, but it didn't feel as good as I thought it would. Yes.

• 1:19:36Lewis Howes?

  And then you still don't feel like you still have the shame inside of you. You still have the unworthiness, the not lovable, or you don't love yourself.

• 1:19:43Speaker 01

  Aligned. You're getting things out of alignment.

• 1:19:46Lewis Howes?

  God, it's it's so, this is so interesting. I talk about this in my book, actually, where it's like money doesn't solve all your problems or neither does fame or all these different things. They don't solve, they might solve money problems.

• 1:19:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:19:58Lewis Howes?

  That didn't solve self-worth problems.

• 1:20:00Speaker 01

  Made them worse, actually.

• 1:20:01Lewis Howes?

  It almost, here's the thing it does when I was broke on my sister's couch for a year and a half. And then I started to make some money after building a business and it took a number of years. I started to make some money. I was eventually on my own. And I saved enough money where I was financially free for a couple of years, right? I could live and not work for a couple of years and I had enough money. I wasn't like balling for life.

• 1:20:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:20:23Lewis Howes?

  But I could live like under my means and be fine for a couple of years. And I'd worked so hard to create this financial freedom, but I still didn't feel emotionally free. And so I remember it was almost worse than being broke and emotionally broken, because you think the job or the followers or the money is going to make you feel more free or more lovable or more enough. And it almost expands your level of unworthiness.

• 1:20:50Speaker 01

  It's such a hopeless feeling. I know this feeling so deeply in my soul. And it was always like, I have these benchmarks where I'm like, okay, if I just book a job,

• 1:21:01Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:21:01Speaker 01

  then then I'm going to be happy. And then I'd get the job and I'd be like, yeah, well.

• 1:21:04Lewis Howes?

  It needs to be bigger. Yeah, yeah.

• 1:21:05Speaker 01

  And it's and it's like, when does it end? It doesn't end. There is nothing outside of you. Does money make life easier? Yeah. Does a great job make you happier? Yeah. Is it gonna fix the broken parts of you? No, never, not ever. The only thing that can do that is you and your connection to something bigger than you.

• 1:21:25Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 1:21:26Speaker 01

  The only thing that's gonna make you happy is already within you.

• 1:21:29Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:21:29Speaker 01

  You don't need to seek, search, make, spend. But then the great news is the byproduct of of doing that work and getting aligned is then you get the jobs, then you get the money, then you get the people that actually are in alignment with your true self.

• 1:21:42Lewis Howes?

  And you can actually celebrate those moments.

• 1:21:44Speaker 01

  Yes, and it feels and it feels good. Finally.

• 1:21:47Lewis Howes?

  I've never celebrated my success.

• 1:21:49Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 1:21:49Lewis Howes?

  Like when I would accomplish my goals after like 10 years of going for it, I'd be like, okay, what's next?

• 1:21:55Speaker 01

  I know.

• 1:21:56Lewis Howes?

  On like, we gotta go bigger.

• 1:21:58Speaker 01

  I know.

• 1:21:58Lewis Howes?

  It was never like, let's take a moment. Something I love about my wife, she's all about celebrating the moment.

• 1:22:03Speaker 01

  That's such a great quality.

• 1:22:04Lewis Howes?

  Any little or big like success.

• 1:22:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:22:07Lewis Howes?

  She's like, we gotta go to dinner. We gotta have a weekend celebrate. Let's take a trip. And it's I have to get used to celebrating.

• 1:22:12Speaker 01

  I'm like you.

• 1:22:13Lewis Howes?

  But I think that celebration energy is good because it allows you to reflect on how hard you worked, whether it was three months on a project or three years.

• 1:22:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:22:22Lewis Howes?

  It's like, man, look how far you've come. We can celebrate a small win and a big win with equal amount of reflection.

• 1:22:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:22:29Lewis Howes?

  It doesn't need to throw yourself a massive party.

• 1:22:31Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:22:31Lewis Howes?

  But you can go out and have dinner or go on a trip or whatever it might be and just say, man, I did it or we did it or wow, let's talk about all the memories from what we created together. She's really great at creating that. I mean, she's Mexican and Mexicans celebrate every birthday party. It's like everything's a celebration. So.

• 1:22:52Speaker 01

  I really relate to that, though. I because but also like your mentality is why you're so successful because you're like, "Okay, cool. Now what?" And it's it's it's good. It's drive. It's passion. And I really respect that. And I feel like I'm that way, too. But remember how I was talking about being really present? I'm trying to really take a moment, whatever it is each day where I'm like, "That was cool. Oh, I liked that interaction," or whatever it is. It's so important to be grateful because the more you're grateful, the more you find things to be grateful for, and then the more you find more things to be grateful for. And so gratitude, to me, is the secret sauce of life.

• 1:23:28Lewis Howes?

  If you could go back 20 years to Lucy that was had this dream that made it to L.A.

• 1:23:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:23:36Lewis Howes?

  And then booked the gig, and then all these things start happening. If you could go back 20 years and you could sit across from Lucy of 15,

• 1:23:47Lewis Howes?

  what piece of advice would you give her, knowing all the emotional uncertainty that you were experiencing in that time, the lack of emotional safety that you had, the maybe the the stresses you had at home, whatever it was going through, that we don't think we don't have to talk about. But what advice would you give yourself 20 years ago before you started to break into the industry and have the success and fame that you had? What would you say to her?

• 1:24:11Speaker 01

  Oh, I'm just tearing up because I, you know, I wouldn't have changed anything. I wouldn't have because I I love who I am today. I really do. But I would I would tell her how deserving, do I say me or she? I would tell her that she's deserving of good things, good people, healthy love. I'm worthy of everything that's coming my way. And just to to never lose sight of that. I think that that is what so many people struggle with is this like not feeling worthy.

• 1:24:53Speaker 01

  And I don't know why we all kind of have that little winking, but but we really are. And I and I wish.

• 1:25:01Speaker 01

  Without changing anything, just to remind that version of me how powerful my mind is. And that at any second, I can tap, I could, you know, like we were saying earlier, like, that connection to something bigger than me never went away. And that all I needed to do was just like brush off the dust, you know, shine it a little, but that connection's always there.

• 1:25:24Speaker 01

  But yeah, I, I think that version of me just needed a big hug and needed some support and needed,

• 1:25:32Speaker 01

  yeah, just needed that emotional foundation, I think, but I got through it.

• 1:25:40Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:25:40Speaker 01

  I got through it. And not only did I get through it, I got through it, I think maybe even more than my soul intended to. I think my soul's like, okay, okay, you can calm down, but I'm just, I, I, I love this path I'm on. I literally wake up and I'm like, I'm obsessed with my life.

• 1:25:57Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, it's beautiful to be in.

• 1:25:58Speaker 01

  Yes, and it doesn't mean I'm not,

• 1:26:02Speaker 01

  I still have things I'm working on. I will always be doing that.

• 1:26:08Speaker 01

  I don't know. I'm in a, I'm in a good place and I, and it's not just because of me. I've also been very blessed with unbelievable resources and true guardian angels and friends and just pillars of strength and people who have been guiding lights and loved me when I literally felt unlovable. And that I do not take for granted at all.

• 1:26:33Lewis Howes?

  And what if Lucy, again, this hypothetical scenario, you're having this conversation with your 15-year-old self. What if she looked back at you when you said this to her and she said to you, "But how do I feel worthy? I hear you saying you're deserving and worthy, but I don't feel it. And how do I believe I'm worthy?"

• 1:26:53Speaker 01

  I mean, I don't think we as people, I mean, I don't know how I would explain this to her, but as people, we don't have to earn our worryviness. That is our birthright. That is what we are on this planet. We are, that is unlimited, you know? And I, that's such a tough question, because like, how do you get through to someone who's like,

• 1:27:14Lewis Howes?

  How do you convince yourself?

• 1:27:17Speaker 01

  But this is why I think things happen exactly how they should, because I've only been able to understand that I'm worthy through experience, through trial and error, through following on my face, literally and figuratively. And, and realizing that I, I've always just had this voice that was like, no, you deserve more. Try again. Try again, try again. And I realized that not everyone has that. But, that is such a hard question. How do you tell someone that?

• 1:27:45Lewis Howes?

  Especially your younger self.

• 1:27:46Speaker 01

  How do you tell her, I don't know?

• 1:27:48Lewis Howes?

  What if she's like, I don't believe you. I don't believe you because I don't feel it. Like, how would you get through to yourself 20 years ago to believe you were worthy of all of this?

• 1:28:00Speaker 01

  But I think I always did know. I think there was like, I'm not, that's such a hard, what would you say? That's such a hard question to answer.

• 1:28:08Lewis Howes?

  That's why I'm asking you the question.

• 1:28:09Speaker 01

  No, I'm like, wow.

• 1:28:10Lewis Howes?

  I think it would, I, you know, I literally just thought of this in the moment.

• 1:28:14Speaker 01

  No, it's a great, it's a great question.

• 1:28:16Lewis Howes?

  Because, well, here's, here's what I would say. I'll answer that in a second. But, imagine there's a, you know, 18, 23-year-old, 28-year-old watching. Who is like, just been driving and maybe they've had some emotional challenges in their life. And they are like hooked on the edge of their seat, listening to this or watching this because they can truly relate to what you've gone through and they really look up to you and see the career you've had. And now they can relate to you and say, oh, but she's actually been through a lot.

• 1:28:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:28:46Lewis Howes?

  That I can relate to personally. What would you say to that 18, 23, 28-year-old

• 1:28:52Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:28:52Lewis Howes?

  watching or listening who doesn't believe they're worthy? How would you try to get through to them?

• 1:28:57Speaker 01

  I mean, I think it's like, we shouldn't fake it through life. Like, don't say things you don't mean. Like, like, I feel like if I were to tell my younger self, be worthy, I'd be like, but I don't. It's, it's, it's a slow burn, you know? You don't have to say like, you can't go from feeling depressed or sad or struggling to automatic bliss and life is amazing. It really is.

• 1:29:22Speaker 01

  To me, it's like, this is a two-parter. To me, it's like, the more you focus on what is going right in your life, you're gonna keep finding more things that are going right. And you're gonna keep finding more things to be grateful for. As much as you possibly can, focus on what is going right. And the things that are going wrong will dissipate. I literally promise.

• 1:29:42Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:42Speaker 01

  And I understand people are in different circumstances and scenarios. But as much as you can, try to see, find the good thing. Write them down. Wake up every day and say, some days it might just be, you know, look at that ray of sunshine, or, you know, these sheets feel nice. But some days it'll be, wow, I met the love of my life. Or, it will grow and grow. And so I think that, like, finding ways to be grateful. I know, people used to tell me this all the time, and I wanted to tell them to shut up. But, it works. It really, really works. And also, I think, a lot of people feel lost. Don't know their identity, don't know where they, where their place is in the world.

• 1:30:26Speaker 01

  Feel so misunderstood. A lot of people are living in shame. I relate to all of those things. And I think,

• 1:30:37Speaker 01

  however you can, find out what makes you uniquely you. I like, we always forget that, how incredible it is. There's eight billion people on the planet, and there's only one of each of us.

• 1:30:51Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:30:51Speaker 01

  I firmly believe we all have a purpose. I firmly believe we all chose the vessel we're in. I firmly believe our, our soul wants us, wants great things for all of us. And so I think it's just like, living and finding your truest passion. And not letting, choose yourself every day. And don't let anything get in the way of that. Always choose you. I don't care what anyone says. Let them call you selfish, put you first, always. Get alignment, in alignment with yourself first, everything else will fall into place.

• 1:31:21Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, and I would, as I'm hearing you say this, I'm thinking about, what would I say to myself?

• 1:31:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, did you come up with a great answer? I feel like you did.

• 1:31:29Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, from all these, I mean, because I lived in a lot of shame. I lived in a lot of insecurity. And again, my parents got divorced when I was, I don't know, fifteen or sixteen, but they probably should have been divorced when I was five. Because it was like chaos. So it was emotionally unsafe at home.

• 1:31:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:31:43Lewis Howes?

  I left home at thirteen to go to a private boarding school that I found and begged my parents to send me away for months. They did not want me to leave. So I left at thirteen to create a sense of safety, essentially to run away.

• 1:31:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:31:56Lewis Howes?

  Because I didn't feel emotionally safe. I knew my parents loved me, but they didn't love each other.

• 1:32:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:32:01Lewis Howes?

  And so there was always dis-ease within them.

• 1:32:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:32:04Lewis Howes?

  And therefore that I felt the energy of their stress.

• 1:32:07Speaker 01

  Right.

• 1:32:08Lewis Howes?

  And that caused a lot of emotional instability inside of me. And so when you have, you know, parents dynamics, sibling dynamics that are whatever, friend dynamics, bullying at school, whatever it might be, it's hard because you're in an environment.

• 1:32:25Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:32:26Lewis Howes?

  Where you don't feel lovable. You don't feel seen. You feel taken advantage of, or neglected, or abused, or whatever it might be. And I felt like I needed to get out of that environment to create a sense of freshness, newness, safety. But I still had the traumas that I carried with me into a new environment.

• 1:32:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:32:44Lewis Howes?

  But everything you were talking about makes sense to me. And it's probably what I would say to myself is, one, if you want to feel worthy, you have to do, you have to live in full integrity every day.

• 1:32:58Speaker 01

  Integrity is everything.

• 1:32:59Lewis Howes?

  And you have to be willing to disappoint people with your integrity. Meaning you're going to be honest with people and they may not want to be friends with you.

• 1:33:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:33:07Lewis Howes?

  And they may speak bad about you behind your back. They may gossip about you. They may do mean things to you. And so you're gonna, you may cause frustration or emotional instability outside of you, but it's never worth doing that inside of you to create peace externally.

• 1:33:24Speaker 01

  There is another quote, here I go. It says something like, disappoint as many people as possible as it takes to avoid disappointing yourself.

• 1:33:31Lewis Howes?

  Oh, that's good.

• 1:33:32Speaker 01

  And I was like, that's a heavy hitter. I can't take credit. Whoever wrote that on Instagram, yes.

• 1:33:36Lewis Howes?

  And I was the opposite. I disappointed myself first in order to try to not disappoint everyone around me.

• 1:33:42Speaker 01

  101.

• 1:33:43Lewis Howes?

  And it caused so much pain inside of me and resentment and anger.

• 1:33:47Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:33:47Lewis Howes?

  And frustration. Because I felt like other people weren't showing up for me the way I was for them, like you said.

• 1:33:52Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 1:33:53Lewis Howes?

  And I just think if I could have learned to be alone and be happy with myself.

• 1:33:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:33:59Lewis Howes?

  I could have been fine with a couple of friends not trying to have everyone like.

• 1:34:03Speaker 01

  Yeah. I also feel like, because I'm a person that needs an action sometimes. I'm like, I can't just sit. So, you know, like sit and like expect the answers to come, but I feel like what I'd recommend to people is like literally having the awareness of wanting something different or wanting more. That is a beautiful seed planted and ask, pray. If you don't, if it's not prayer.

• 1:34:28Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:30Speaker 01

  Talk to the wall. I don't care. Talk to yourself. Write it down. If you desire to want to find the answers in your life, I swear to you, they'll show up.

• 1:34:39Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:34:40Speaker 01

  And it's all there. The answers are all there. They've always been there, but your awareness might not have been able to find them.

• 1:34:46Lewis Howes?

  And I think prayer is something you've said two or three times. I think, I think I would have told myself to stay in prayer, even if I'm not getting the answers, because I think I would lean towards pleasure to try to remove pain from my life.

• 1:35:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:35:01Lewis Howes?

  So I would seek pleasures to feel better and try to numb certain pains.

• 1:35:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:35:08Lewis Howes?

  And I think sticking with prayer, even just a few minutes a day.

• 1:35:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:35:13Lewis Howes?

  Even if I don't get the answers I need or I'm looking for, or it takes longer to like find the answers. Like stay consistent with prayer, stay in high integrity with myself, even if it means disappointing people around me, especially my parents, like doing those things. That's scary though, when you're younger. You don't want to disappoint your parents. So it's learning how to, it's a challenge.

• 1:35:35Speaker 01

  It really is. And also being patient, like sometimes we don't know best. Sometimes there's a bigger plan for your life. So.

• 1:35:41Lewis Howes?

  That's true.

• 1:35:41Speaker 01

  Keep at it. Consistency is key, for sure.

• 1:35:44Lewis Howes?

  A couple of final questions for you, Lucy. This has been powerful.

• 1:35:47Speaker 01

  I love, this is great.

• 1:35:48Lewis Howes?

  This has been beautiful.

• 1:35:49Speaker 01

  You know what happens is when I'm in these conversations, I will leave and not have any memory of what I've said.

• 1:35:54Lewis Howes?

  Well luckily it's recorded, so you can watch it back.

• 1:35:56Speaker 01

  It's a good place to be in, but yeah.

• 1:35:58Lewis Howes?

  Couple of final questions. What is a limiting belief? Let me go, let me, let me think about this.

• 1:36:05Speaker 01

  Okay, okay.

• 1:36:06Lewis Howes?

  If you go 10 years in the future.

• 1:36:08Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:36:09Lewis Howes?

  We already had a conversation with your 15, 16 year old self.

• 1:36:13Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:36:14Lewis Howes?

  20 years back. If you could think 10 years in the future of the woman you're going to become over the next 10 years and all the lessons, the growth, the awareness you're bringing into yourself and into the world. What is the one piece of advice your 10 year old self in the future will give you in this moment? That will help you overcome any limiting belief you might have right now?

• 1:36:38Speaker 01

  Trust the timing of your life. That is simply it. Sometimes I try to play God and I'm like, well, I know best and it needs to work out this way. And if it doesn't work out this way, then it's wrong. No, no, I firmly believe when you surrender to the timing of your life, magic unfolds, magic happens. I have seen it when I've released the reins, when I've said, okay, I'm co-captain, I'm still on the ship, but you've got a better plan than me, higher self, God, like take over. And there's such a relief in that. And I've really been trying to embrace that. And I really believe the next 10 years of my life is because I'm in alignment. I'm doing all the right things. I know it.

• 1:37:19Speaker 01

  I'm doing my best every day, trying to, and when I don't, you know, I apologize and, and I try better next time. But now I think the next phase of my life is really trust the timing of my life. And I'm really going to try to challenge myself more, do more things that scare me and really be okay being more visible. And, and by that, I mean,

• 1:37:42Speaker 01

  not being afraid of world perception or what people think of me. I feel like that is not what's tying me down. I just feel like there's going to be so much freedom and just being like, okay, I did this, let's see what happens.

• 1:37:54Lewis Howes?

  Does that mean in expressing yourself or like using your voice or doing certain projects that maybe aren't populated or whatever?

• 1:38:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think all of it, just living from risking, be a bit, bit more of a risk taker. But yeah, trusting the timing.

• 1:38:07Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 1:38:08Speaker 01

  Yeah. What would you say? What would you say to your?

• 1:38:13Lewis Howes?

  10 years in the future, I would say.

• 1:38:21Lewis Howes?

  For whatever reason, for me, it's like, I don't want to regret not going for my dreams. Like when I'm older. I don't want to regret saying, uh, you could have gone for it, but you're afraid. You played it safe.

• 1:38:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:38:32Lewis Howes?

  Now, I don't want to neglect responsibilities in my life as well. So it's like, can I fully go for my dreams? And show up for my wife and, you know, my future family and all these different things. But I don't want to be 60 or 70 or 80 and say, gosh, you just, you're afraid. You're afraid to go for it.

• 1:38:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:38:51Lewis Howes?

  And it doesn't mean I'm going to accomplish every dream. But I don't want to just look back and think, you didn't even try.

• 1:38:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:38:57Lewis Howes?

  Out of fear. So it's similar to what you're thinking, like, be willing to go for it. And it's, I feel like I'm living that. I'm doing these things that are scary. But I just don't want to live with regret of not going for it.

• 1:39:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm with you.

• 1:39:11Lewis Howes?

  Like accomplishing is a different thing. But not going for it, I can't live with.

• 1:39:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, aligned.

• 1:39:17Lewis Howes?

  So, yeah, that's, that's my thought.

• 1:39:19Speaker 01

  I don't see that for us.

• 1:39:20Lewis Howes?

  Exactly.

• 1:39:20Speaker 01

  Well, you're writing books and changing lives and, yeah.

• 1:39:24Lewis Howes?

  And everything for me is, you know, it's different. Whereas when I was younger, I wanted to, my dreams were about accomplishing things for me. And now my dreams are about pursuing the things that I feel called to do. That may have accomplishment tied to it, but doing it in service.

• 1:39:41Speaker 01

  Of others.

• 1:39:42Lewis Howes?

  Of others and the boy in me. That has a dream.

• 1:39:47Speaker 01

  Isn't that amazing that what, when you do, because I feel the same way, like when I'm honoring that inner child feeling, but knowing that it impacts others in a positive way, like that's the best.

• 1:39:59Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:39:59Speaker 01

  Best feeling.

• 1:40:00Lewis Howes?

  And letting go of the, the need to be looked, uh, uh, the accomplishment or the award or the success and being people praising me for that. More of like, just being inspired by the journey. And if the results come, great.

• 1:40:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:40:14Lewis Howes?

  But it's like, making a difference, making an impact and serving people in an empowering way is the ultimate path forward.

• 1:40:21Speaker 01

  Amen.

• 1:40:22Lewis Howes?

  And however that looks.

• 1:40:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:40:23Lewis Howes?

  What is the thing you think your, you know, 45-year-old self will be most proud of that Lucy did over the next 10 years?

• 1:40:37Speaker 01

  I think she'll, I mean, I think it might be similar to what I was saying. I think, you know, I'm really setting the groundwork for the next phase of my life. Like, I really feel like,

• 1:40:50Speaker 01

  you know, I've, I've, I've not only closed a chapter, like, I'm in a whole new book. And, you know, I, I loved the first book. I hope it's a bestseller, but like, we're on to the second part of it. And, um, and I feel like I'm really, uh, I'm really doing the things I feel like are best for me in the long term. And, and I don't mean like, the practical, physical, everyday things. I mean, like, I'm getting my mind trained. I'm like, ready, like, and it really does take commitment to be like, oh, I just had a thought that I don't, I don't think is for my best interest. Let's like divert it this way. And that's like mental tennis, you know, and

• 1:41:29Lewis Howes?

  You're like Rocky in Russia, the training montage, like, just doing the reps.

• 1:41:33Speaker 01

  Because I know that I have to do that because I know what I want to achieve and I know where I want to go. And I already see, see myself there and I feel that. And to, to be able to already embody that feeling, I know it's gonna happen. And so it's easy for me to put in the work, put in the groundwork, when I know that I'm, that I'm gonna be there because, you know, Billy Carson could explain this as well, but like, everything exists at the same time anyway. So, I'm my little me, I'm my present, present me, and I'm my future me, all at once. So,

• 1:42:04Lewis Howes?

  Here, here's a question for you then.

• 1:42:06Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:42:06Lewis Howes?

  What is the biggest dragon you're gonna need to slay in the future?

• 1:42:10Speaker 01

  My mind.

• 1:42:10Lewis Howes?

  That your, that your mind is training for now. Like, what is the biggest thing you're gonna need to overcome and conquer in the future? That your mind has been preparing you for, that you're gonna say, do I take this call to adventure? Do I take on the dragon? Do I go on this journey? Or do I stay comfortable at this new place that I'm in? This new comfort zone?

• 1:42:33Speaker 01

  I love that question. It's very easy for me to be like, no, I like it here. It's really cozy, safe, and I'm good. But, no, I have this insatiable desire to keep going. I just have this feeling.

• 1:42:48Speaker 01

  You know, I'm obviously gonna keep acting and I love what I do, but I have this feeling that in the next decade of my life, something's gonna shift and change, like an element of my career, and I know that I need to be really dialed in and ready for it. I have literally not one clue what it is, I couldn't tell you. I believe it has to do with speaking, connecting with people, service, you know, it really is a passion of mine, connecting with people. And so, I need to be ready for that. So the dragon that must be slayed is being afraid of visibility. I think like, it's so interesting.

• 1:43:22Lewis Howes?

  You're a public figure, you have millions of followers, you're on TV, you're in movies, you're visible.

• 1:43:27Speaker 01

  But that's a persona. But a lot of that's a persona.

• 1:43:29Lewis Howes?

  It's not your authentic voice.

• 1:43:31Speaker 01

  Well, I feel like I do show up as myself, but there is a part of...

• 1:43:34Lewis Howes?

  It's not your words.

• 1:43:35Speaker 01

  Right. And I have had this whole thing my entire life of like, "Look at me, look at me." And then everyone looks at me and I was like, "Why are you looking at me?" It's kind of, and that is just me in a nutshell.

• 1:43:45Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 1:43:46Speaker 01

  It doesn't make sense to me at all, how both of those things could exist at the same time, like desperately wanting to be seen, but in a genuine way, but also feeling exposed when I am. And so, I'm really thinking, that's why it's like so great to be having these conversations, because we're talking about a lot of exposing, vulnerable things.

• 1:44:09Lewis Howes?

  It's not a character.

• 1:44:12Speaker 01

  No, and I'm showing up as me, and just like learning to be okay with it, and like not second guessing anything I said on my drive home today, you know, just knowing that whatever I said was the right thing that needed to be said.

• 1:44:23Lewis Howes?

  That's beautiful.

• 1:44:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, so the dragon would be slaying the dragon of fear of being fully seen. Yes.

• 1:44:32Lewis Howes?

  And getting like backlash for your true authentic voice or something.

• 1:44:37Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 1:44:38Lewis Howes?

  This has been powerful. I don't want to take too much more time. I've got two final questions.

• 1:44:42Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:44:43Lewis Howes?

  Before I ask them.

• 1:44:44Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:44:44Lewis Howes?

  I know you've got a lot of projects going on. I think you posted something on Netflix or one of these platforms recently.

• 1:44:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, well.

• 1:44:50Lewis Howes?

  You've got lots of projects happening. Can you share?

• 1:44:53Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:44:53Lewis Howes?

  What you're working on, what you're excited about?

• 1:44:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, so I have a movie coming out. Well, we have to finish it first, but it's called White Mars and it's a sci-fi thriller.

• 1:45:02Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, I see that.

• 1:45:02Speaker 01

  Very fun. That will probably come out next year.

• 1:45:06Lewis Howes?

  Okay. And it's filming, you're filming here?

• 1:45:07Speaker 01

  Uh, in London. We're gonna, we filmed part of it in Italy last year and so we have a few pickups to do.

• 1:45:13Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 1:45:13Speaker 01

  Um, and then the release you're talking about, we didn't even know the release was going out, but it's a project that's in development at Netflix and it, it's a book that I, I first read five years ago and it was the fir-, it's the first project I've been a part of from the very beginning.

• 1:45:30Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 1:45:31Speaker 01

  Where I was like, I have to make this into something and you know, it was a true, it's a true story of believing in something and good things take time because it's been, you know, five years of assembling the right team and you know, Netflix is obviously a dream, like such a dream place for it. Um, and I'm doing a rom-com in Ireland this summer.

• 1:45:52Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 1:45:52Speaker 01

  Called Princess. And then a few other things that I possibly, it's a little too early to, to say, but, but I will say, I love where my career's at and, and when I started putting myself first, my career only blossomed as well. That's just like a great byproduct of, of choosing yourself is, is other things start to flourish too.

• 1:46:13Lewis Howes?

  Beautiful. So all these projects, some are coming out soon, some coming out later.

• 1:46:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:46:18Lewis Howes?

  But if we follow you at Lucy Hale on Instagram, is that the best place to be up to date?

• 1:46:23Speaker 01

  If you want to see pictures of my dogs, like me spilling my coffee, me talking about astrology, yes, that is the best place to find me.

• 1:46:30Lewis Howes?

  Okay, cool. Awesome.

• 1:46:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:46:32Lewis Howes?

  This is, uh, two questions I ask everyone at the end. This is called the three truths.

• 1:46:37Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:46:37Lewis Howes?

  So we've already hypothetically gone into the past and into the future, but another hypothetical scenario. Imagine you step into this next book and then many more books you write in your life. Um, and you get to write all the books you want, literally and, and metaphysically, I guess as well.

• 1:46:54Speaker 01

  It's exhausting.

• 1:46:54Lewis Howes?

  But, um.

• 1:46:57Lewis Howes?

  But at some point, you can no longer write any more books and your story ends in this earth, many years in the future.

• 1:47:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:47:05Lewis Howes?

  So imagine you get to live your life, accomplish all your dreams, learn all the lessons, but it's the last day on earth for you, far in the future.

• 1:47:12Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:47:13Lewis Howes?

  And for whatever reason, on this last day, you have to take all of your work with you. Every movie, every project, every podcast interview, anything that's ever been said, written, or produced by you, gone.

• 1:47:24Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:47:25Lewis Howes?

  But, on the last day, you get to leave behind three final truths. Three lessons that you know to be true from your experiences that you would leave with the world. And that's all we have to remember you by.

• 1:47:36Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:47:37Lewis Howes?

  What would those three truths be for you?

• 1:47:39Speaker 01

  Wow, that I've learned.

• 1:47:41Lewis Howes?

  Just your life. What would you want to leave behind? What would you want to leave behind as lessons to the world? Things that you would say, here's what I learned, and here's what I share as my lessons.

• 1:47:51Speaker 01

  I feel like one major thing is, we are all so connected in ways that we can't even possibly imagine. I'm talking from the trees to the animals, especially humans, and there is a oneness that I've experienced that, um, when, once that like light bulb goes off for you, like, so much of the, I don't know, I feel like when I discovered that, like, it just made me have so much empathy for other people, just realizing like we all share a consciousness and like your success is my success, your pain is my pain, you know, for better or worse, we're all connected. And I think that like never losing sight of that is really, really important because

• 1:48:34Speaker 01

  I think we, we grow up in a world that wants to separate us by religion, by politics, by culture, by clothing, by whatever it is, and that dividedness causes obviously a lot of pain and chaos, but we are all so connected.

• 1:48:51Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 1:48:52Speaker 01

  Okay, that's one. Um, um, um, okay. And the other one, this is hard. This is hard. Two other truths. I would say that...

• 1:49:05Speaker 01

  I mean, I already kind of said this, but we are the creator of our own realities. We can take full control. There's no need to, you know, blame anyone else, but we, our minds are so powerful and just like really remembering that innate source energy that we all have, like, it's there. And I get so excited when I see people I know tap into it. And then the third, oh my gosh, I'm having to like, go to the depths of my brain. Repeat the question one more time.

• 1:49:38Lewis Howes?

  Three lessons you would leave behind.

• 1:49:40Speaker 01

  Three lessons. There are no mistakes in life. There are things we could do differently with the knowledge we have, but there are no mistakes, there are no coincidences. I believe everything has a purpose and a place and a lesson, and everything is always working for your highest good.

• 1:50:00Lewis Howes?

  That's beautiful.

• 1:50:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:50:02Lewis Howes?

  Lucy, before I ask the final question, I want to acknowledge you for your journey.

• 1:50:05Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 1:50:06Lewis Howes?

  Of getting into alignment for yourself, of working on healing your nervous system, and I know it's a constant journey, but it sounds like it was two decades of a lot of emotional uncertainty. With all the success and the fame and the money and the attention, you felt, it sounds like inside of you, you were still emotionally out of alignment.

• 1:50:28Speaker 01

  Very much so.

• 1:50:28Lewis Howes?

  And so I want to acknowledge you for waking up for yourself and getting into alignment and feeling that sense of peace in your nervous system and healing, because I only know that this next book you write in the world is going to serve people in such an empowering way. So I'm so excited to see what the journey is for you and how you show up in full service to yourself and to others, and starting to bring your voice to the world.

• 1:50:55Speaker 01

  Thank you so much.

• 1:50:56Lewis Howes?

  I think you putting your voice out more and sharing more of this is going to only help more of your audience or anyone else that doesn't know about you and care more about these things. So I acknowledge you for the journey that you've overcome, the journey you're on and the journey you're going to be on. And I'm excited to put this out there as well for the world to hear.

• 1:51:12Speaker 01

  Thank you so much. It means a lot to me. It's important to take those moments and really, I needed that. Thank you. I really appreciate that.

• 1:51:19Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, of course. Final question, Lucy, what's your definition of greatness?

• 1:51:23Speaker 01

  Oh, my definition of greatness is...

• 1:51:30Speaker 01

  Okay, how do I word this? I feel like my brain, I see like blocks of thought, but articulating it is so hard.

• 1:51:35Lewis Howes?

  It's okay.

• 1:51:36Speaker 01

  My definition of greatness is recognizing that your greatness is gonna look different every day. Some days, your 100% is gonna be 50% a different day and some, and just always knowing that that's okay. Like, and always knowing that, um, I mean, it just goes back to that alignment thing. Like, being in alignment is greatness.

• 1:51:59Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:52:00Speaker 01

  You know, and, and you make up your own definition of what greatness is. That's what's great about being a human. We give meaning to things. So like my meaning of greatness is gonna differ from yours, it's gonna differ from everyone else's. And to me, that is greatness. Like how cool that we can have our own definition of things and perception of things. But I think, yeah, for me, it's, it's recognizing whatever greatness is to me, it's gonna look different on a, any given day. And today, it's good conversation, it's being open, leading with integrity, my favorite word. It's not being afraid of the scary shit, you know? And just showing up as me, like showing up as yourself is the greatest gift you can give the world.

• 1:52:40Lewis Howes?

  That's it. Lucy, thanks for being here, I appreciate you.

• 1:52:43Speaker 01

  Oh my God, dream come true.

• 1:52:44Lewis Howes?

  Powerful.

• 1:52:45Speaker 01

  Seriously, dream come true.

• 1:52:46Lewis Howes?

  I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally, as well as ad-free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel exclusively on Apple Podcasts. Share this with a friend on social media and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts as well. Let me know what you enjoyed about this episode in that review. I really love hearing feedback from you and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward. And I want to remind you, if no one has told you lately that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter.

• 1:53:30Lewis Howes?

  And now it's time to go out there and do something great.