Inky Johnson’s 5 Powerful Mindset Strategies for Conquering Life's Challenges & Embracing Abundance EP 1483

Inky will be speaking at The Summit of Greatness this year! Don’t miss out! Buy your tickets today – summitofgreatness.com – Husband, father, collegiate athlete, entrepreneur and author, Inky Johnson is one of the most highly sought after speakers in the world. For over a decade, executives, professional sports teams, business owners and people all over have benefited from the raw energy of his thought provoking and inspirational presentations. Inky was a three year letterman and two year captain on the football team at The University of Tennessee, where he started as a cornerback. Unfortunately, on September 9th, 2006, he sustained a life threatening, career ending injury that paralyzed his right arm and hand. From that day to present day Inky has had a burning desire to use his situation and experiences to add value to peoples’ lives. In this episode you will learn,How not to take each day for granted. How to extract the positive from adversity. How your attitude can drive your performance. How to enjoy every aspect of life. How to manage all of the different emotions that come from painful experiences. For more information go to www.lewishowes.com/1483For more Greatness text PODCAST to +1 (614) 350-3960Want more School of Greatness episodes like this one? Bruce Lipton on Manifestation: https://link.chtbl.com/1312-podJoe Dispenza on the Law of Attraction: https://link.chtbl.com/1312-pod Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Lewis Howes?

  Calling all conscious achievers who are seeking more community and connection. I've got an invitation for you. Join me at this year's Summit of Greatness this September 7th through 9th in my hometown of Columbus, Ohio to unleash your true greatness. This is the one time a year that I gather the greatness community together in person for a powerful transformative weekend. People come from all over the world and you can expect to hear from inspiring speakers like Inky Johnson, Josprey Singh, Vanessa Van Edwards, Jen Sincero, and many more. You'll also be able to dance your heart out to live music, get your body moving with group workouts, and connect with others at our evening socials.

• 0:44Lewis Howes?

  So if you're ready to learn, heal, and grow alongside other incredible individuals in the greatness community, then you can learn more at lewishouse.com/summit2023. Make sure to grab your ticket, invite your friends, and I'll see you there.

• 1:01Speaker 01

  I'll get to it tomorrow. I'm like, who promised you that? Right? I'll get to it a month from now. I'm like, who promised you that? Because life changes so quick, right? And as people, we're often arrogant. I was one of them. We live our lives and we feel as if we're promised something, right? But when you think about it, it's like...

• 1:18Lewis Howes?

  Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 1:38Lewis Howes?

  Welcome to today's special episode. Over the last 1,300-plus episodes, there have been so many impactful interviews that I've been lucky enough to have, and I always like to reflect on some of the most powerful. And this episode was one that resonated with most of you guys in the past, and I'm excited for the value it's going to bring you today as well. So I hope you enjoy today's episode.

• 2:02Lewis Howes?

  I want to bring your message to my audience. So for those that don't know, can you share a brief story about your background from athlete to, you know, breakdown to then break through? And what, and what, what actually you grew up believing and dreaming in? What happened and then where you're at now?

• 2:20Speaker 01

  Man, a kid that grew up inner city Atlanta. Mom at 16 had me, took me back to 125 Warren, two bedroom home, 14 people. And me and my cousins, man, we grew up sleeping on the floor, pallets, you know, best time of my life, you know? We loved it, right? But like any other kid, man, I had a dream, you know? And I felt as if, at the time, football was the quickest vehicle to get me in a space and place to help my family, right? My mother's working a double shift at Wendy's. My grandmother, sweetest soul ever, rest in peace, she's transitioned. But I wanted to help my family and I felt as if I had the tools and the skills to do that. And I had a lot of people in my life that helped me, man.

• 3:05Speaker 01

  And so I was, I was the first in my family a lot. I was the first one to graduate and go to college. You know, I was the first one that looked as if I had something really promising that was about to happen. And so when I went to college, University of Tennessee, a full football scholarship, you know, everybody back where I was from, you know, thought like, hey, man, Lil Ink, he's about to be the guy. He's the ticket. He's about to make it. Like, that's our guy. That's all they used to talk about. My family members, that's all they talked about. In church, all they talked about. My former high school, Krim High School, was one of the lowest performing public schools in the state of Georgia when I attended, right? Atlanta public school system.

• 3:47Speaker 01

  And so everybody thought like, hey, man, this cat is about to really make it from where we come from. And I thought the same thing.

• 3:54Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 3:55Speaker 01

  And I got really close to making that NFL dream happen. And I went to make a routine tackle, September 9th, 2006, against the University of Air Force, and I almost lost my life. And it ended my career and it paralyzed my right arm and hand. And it sent my life down a totally different path to which the world have come to know me as the inspirational speaker and a servant that I am today.

• 4:21Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 4:22Speaker 01

  But at one point, I thought it was gonna be this guy in the NFL playing ball until I retire.

• 4:28Lewis Howes?

  You and me both, man. What a, until an injury ended mine as well.

• 4:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, man.

• 4:33Lewis Howes?

  So you had a routine tackle, you're playing DB.

• 4:35Speaker 01

  Yep, DB.

• 4:36Lewis Howes?

  Defensive back, routine tackle. Do you remember exactly what happened?

• 4:41Speaker 01

  I do, man.

• 4:42Lewis Howes?

  What was it like? Was it on the left side, right side of the field?

• 4:46Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 4:46Lewis Howes?

  Was it a run, was it a pass play? What was this?

• 4:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, man, it was on the left side of the field. And it's crazy, I remember it vividly, man. We was in quarters coverage, you know, I was just backpedaling as a corner.

• 4:57Lewis Howes?

  Zone.

• 4:58Speaker 01

  Yep, we had a quarter of the field, zone, pretty much. And when I went to hit this guy, you know, it was almost like they were in a real wheel route. You know, guy came out of the backfield, turning up.

• 5:09Lewis Howes?

  Five yards out, then coming up.

• 5:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, coming up the field and, um, you know, I'm looking at the quarterback, he's tapping it, releases it to him, and I'm thinking I'm about to hit him, maybe make him fumble. We can end this thing, get ready for Florida the next week, two minutes left. And as soon as I hit him, it seemed as if, Louis, everything in my body left.

• 5:31Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 5:31Speaker 01

  Like one of the scariest moments of my life, and I had been in a lot harder collisions. But it seemed as if, as soon as I hit him, everything in my body, every breath just left. Right, I had never felt that before. It's like I lost total control over my body. I hit the ground and I blacked out, never experienced that before. Right, and when I came to, it was very quick, when I came to, my teammates were running over, like, Ink, get up, let's go. And I was like, I can't. And they was like, what you mean you can't? You always get up, man, you're captain, let's go. Nurse your injury after the game. I was like, I can't move. And it was a shock, I'll never forget, it was going from the crown of my head to the bottom of my feet, I couldn't feel anything.

• 6:10Lewis Howes?

  All the way to the bottom.

• 6:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, all the way through, it just kept going, kept going, kept going, and then it left, but it stayed. And my right arm and hand.

• 6:17Lewis Howes?

  So left in your body where you could feel and you can move your legs, you can move your arm.

• 6:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:22Lewis Howes?

  But not the right side.

• 6:23Speaker 01

  Right. And it stayed there, but I thought it was a stinger.

• 6:26Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 6:26Speaker 01

  Now, we get stingers playing ball. Yeah, yeah, you get dead arm, you get a stinger. And it stays for a while and then it leaves. And so that's what I thought it was. And so I still wasn't panicky. Right after it happened, I was like, ah, maybe a stinger, you know, maybe I broke my arm. You know, because they brought the spine board out, put me on it, will me off the field.

• 6:45Lewis Howes?

  Because at that point, you could stand up a little bit or you can move, but.

• 6:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, I could, I could move my body. I just couldn't move my arm. You know, and so they were like, we're gonna take you to the hospital. You know, so then I thought.

• 6:57Lewis Howes?

  You weren't too worried, you weren't too worried about it.

• 6:59Speaker 01

  No, no, I wasn't, I wasn't worried.

• 7:00Lewis Howes?

  Your body was, you can move your neck here.

• 7:02Speaker 01

  Absolutely. So I wasn't, I wasn't worried. They get me over, they run their test. And they bring me back into a room. And everything is still loose, you know, everything is loose. My mom comes in. Kisses me on my forehead, cracks a joke. And everything is all good. You'll be fine. It's football. And she goes to exit the room. And when she exits the room, I'll never forget she made a left. When she made the left, I flipped my head back to the left. When I flipped my head back to the left. I saw the head doctor and he was running in and he was kinda, you know, screaming, you know, at an elevated tone. And he was like. Guys, guys, get in here. We gotta rush this kid back to emergency surgery. And he's about to die. And I was thinking, like it was like.

• 7:44Lewis Howes?

  You or someone else?

• 7:44Speaker 01

  He was talking about me, but I was thinking like. Everything was so calm and cool. I'm thinking he's joking, like, not joking, but like, I'm thinking he's messing with me. Right? Because everything had been so calm. And so I was like, like, die, die? Like, wait for me to die? He was like, yeah, I was like, what happened? And he was like, when we ran the test. We noticed you've ruptured your subclavian artery. In your chest and you're bleeding internally.

• 8:08Lewis Howes?

  Oh.

• 8:09Speaker 01

  And he said, we gotta rush you back and take the main vein out of your left leg. And plug it into your chest in order to save your life.

• 8:14Lewis Howes?

  Holy cow.

• 8:15Speaker 01

  Yeah. And he said, oh, I guarantee you. You won't be alive in the morning. You'll bleed out. And that's when.

• 8:21Lewis Howes?

  It got real.

• 8:22Speaker 01

  Always a real situation.

• 8:23Lewis Howes?

  Dang.

• 8:24Speaker 01

  It's a real situation.

• 8:25Lewis Howes?

  So you were fairly calm, maybe you were frustrated that you got injured.

• 8:28Speaker 01

  Right.

• 8:28Lewis Howes?

  You didn't get to finish the game, you're like, oh, this sucks, like,

• 8:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:32Lewis Howes?

  hopefully I can get back next week or something and they'll be able to tape me up and put up a bandage and I'll get out there with one arm and I'll be fine.

• 8:38Speaker 01

  You know how the boys think.

• 8:39Lewis Howes?

  Of course, man. But then he was like, oh, no, we need to do the surgery now or you may not last.

• 8:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 8:45Lewis Howes?

  Holy cow, that's a big shock.

• 8:46Speaker 01

  That was a shocker, man.

• 8:48Lewis Howes?

  So what, how much time from that moment until surgery?

• 8:52Speaker 01

  Oh, they took me back right then. Yeah.

• 8:54Lewis Howes?

  Put the gas mask in or what?

• 8:55Speaker 01

  They went, they went to work right then.

• 8:57Lewis Howes?

  Within like five, 10 minutes?

• 8:58Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, it was real. They start doing whatever they had to do then.

• 9:01Lewis Howes?

  Was your mom there or was?

• 9:03Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, she was there, but she was waiting out. Like, they told her, but they had to take me back right then because they said it was already ruptured and I was already bleeding internally.

• 9:11Lewis Howes?

  Did she get to say anything before the surgery or no?

• 9:13Speaker 01

  I'm sure she said something, but at that point I was like,

• 9:16Lewis Howes?

  Oh, what's going on?

• 9:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, I couldn't believe it. Like, that's when everything got kind of concerning.

• 9:22Lewis Howes?

  Isn't it crazy? One moment can change the direction of your life.

• 9:25Speaker 01

  Oh, no question.

• 9:26Lewis Howes?

  One instant.

• 9:27Speaker 01

  No question, man.

• 9:28Lewis Howes?

  One slight turn, one hit, one

• 9:31Speaker 01

  One moment, man.

• 9:32Lewis Howes?

  breath could change everything.

• 9:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, man. And I, you know, that's affected and impacted even the way that I live my life until this day. Just not only the injury, but it's so many parts of the injury that shaped my perspective until this day. I always say to people, because they say to me all the time, like, man, did you do anything different? Did you wear any different pads? Did you warm up different? Right? And I'm like, no, man, I did the same thing. I listened to the same pregame music, like my song. Phil Collins, I can feel it, that's my joint. Come on, man, that's my, I'm like, I listened to the same song, wore the same pads.

• 10:08Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 10:08Speaker 01

  But for some reason, on September 9th, 2006, on that day, the outcome of something that I did for most of my life was totally different. Right? And so I always ask people and challenge people, like, when you say something to the extent of, not you, but just a person, I'll get to it tomorrow. I'm like, who promised you that? Right? I'll get to it a month from now. I'm like, who promised you that? Right? Because life changes so quick. Right? And as people, we're often arrogant. I was one of them. We live our lives and we feel as if we're promised something. Right, but when you think about it's like when we try to control things, but when you really think about the macro of life in the grand scheme of life, we really don't have any control, right?

• 10:50Speaker 01

  We can control what we possess, emotions, attitude, thought process, perspective, how we speak, how we respond. But just life in general, we have no control of that, right? You think about how many people woke up this morning thinking like, man, everything is gonna be great. And life changed, right? One day you wake up on top of the world, next day you wake up, world is on top of you, right? And so it's affected my mentality and my perspective just toward life, how I greet people, how I see people, how I interact, right? Just that one moment and one element of the injury, right? It's so many things that's happened inside of the injury that shaped and molded me as a person. People see the injury, people don't always think about the intricacies of

• 11:34Speaker 01

  how it shaped and molded and cultivated who I am as a man until this day.

• 11:40Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. So how long did it take for you, when you had the surgery and woke up,

• 11:47Lewis Howes?

  to get to a place of peace and finding a purpose or a new identity? Because I know what it's like to lose the identity of being an athlete in a moment. I broke my right wrist and had surgery and had six months in a cast and tried to like come back from it, but realized, oh, I couldn't straighten my arm for about a year and a half after the surgery and the cast. So it wasn't as devastating as you obviously of an injury, but the injury and the surgery took me out of the thing I loved and the identity. And I was in a dark place for, I don't know, probably a year and a half. Trying to figure out who am I, you know, where's my value if I can't be this thing?

• 12:25Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 12:26Lewis Howes?

  And where I got all my acknowledgement and praise from this one thing that I can no longer do anymore. It's like, well, am I good enough for life? You know, what's the value I can bring and contribute to the world? So how long did it take for you from that surgery? To, what did they say when you woke up? What was that next step?

• 12:45Speaker 01

  I would say the total process took me a little bit over two years. Just to get to a real place of just peace, acceptance, and just trying to figure life out.

• 12:57Lewis Howes?

  You still didn't know your purpose or what you wanted to do, but you're just like trying to recover?

• 13:01Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 13:01Lewis Howes?

  Maybe I can get the function back and maybe I can do this.

• 13:04Speaker 01

  You know, it's that bravado, man. You think that.

• 13:06Lewis Howes?

  Come back.

• 13:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, you gonna come back. That's the athlete's mentality. You think you can come back from anything. And so even, you know, when I woke up and they were telling me that your career is probably over, uh, your arm and hand will probably never be the same again because the medical term for my injury is a brachial plexus avulsion. And I ruptured my subclavian artery. And so the brachial plexus is basically the nerve roots that come from our spine that control shoulder, arm, hand, fingers. And so what happened at the point of contact, the guy's helmet hit me between my shoulder and my neck, sent my neck one way, shoulder the opposite way, and it ruptured the nerves from my spine that control arm, hand, fingers, shoulder.

• 13:48Speaker 01

  And so I ruptured also my subclavian artery from just the speed and the impact. And so when they were telling me this, I'm like, no way. Like I worked too hard, man. I've been working for this since I was a kid. And now I get to the point to where I could possibly get drafted? And now I lose it all? I'm like, no, man. And so I went back to the sand pit that week, right? The next week, I was in the sand pit with my teammates with a Dungjoy sling and a Velcro strap with staples in my body from incisions from surgery. Right? I was back in the indoor complex running, right?

• 14:25Lewis Howes?

  Running?

• 14:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, man, with this false sense of hope.

• 14:28Lewis Howes?

  Thinking you were to come back.

• 14:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, man, I'm gonna come back. Like I'm gonna train, I'm gonna come back. Thinking that, like, nah, man, it can't, I can't lose it that quick. Like, look, I can't lose it that quick.

• 14:38Lewis Howes?

  One little hit.

• 14:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, like, man, I've been putting in years where I can't lose it that quick. That was my thought process. And so I didn't have peace at first because it was almost surreal. I remember going to sleep early, like every day, like 6:00 PM, 7:00, right? Thinking that, man, when I wake up in the morning, I'll be able to feel my arm again.

• 15:00Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 15:00Speaker 01

  Yeah. Thinking that, man, like when I wake up, I'll be able to feel my arm. And I will wake up, man, and I would touch my arm, touch my hand. Like, man, I still can't feel it.

• 15:12Lewis Howes?

  Couldn't feel anything, no sensation.

• 15:14Speaker 01

  Nothing.

• 15:15Lewis Howes?

  Even like the skin, nothing, huh?

• 15:16Speaker 01

  Can't feel anything, even in my back at the time. Like, it was more places in the arm at first, it was like. Damn, kind of the side of the neck, maybe. Part of my peg, like, and so I would, I would go to sleep early thinking it was a bad dream. I just couldn't, I couldn't come to grips with, that I could just lose it like that, right? And so, man, I would, I would wake up and touch that arm, like, and every day it would be like a period to where I would be like, man, I can't feel it, but I'm gonna go to work out, right?

• 15:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm gonna go to train and say, I'm on a Smith machine with one arm, right? Lift and squat and thinking that I'll be able to make a comeback, man, and I'll never forget, I broke down on the turf in the indoor when reality set in. Like, one day it set in and I, I cried, man, I was in the indoor facility. I was on the turf and I was like, man, I'll probably never get to play again, like, really? And that day was, it was tough on one end of the spectrum because it was like, man, the reality of, I probably won't be able to play again, but on the opposite end of the spectrum, it's weird, it was a level of freedom, right, that, okay, man, release it, like, get it out.

• 16:34Lewis Howes?

  Stop holding on to it.

• 16:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, stop holding on to it, just get it out, man, and so, it was, it was an interesting situation when that happened, right? Like, on one end of, I was crying, I was hurt, but on the opposite end of it, it was a level of freedom, like, okay, man, now, it's time to turn the page and let's move forward. Yeah, yeah.

• 16:53Lewis Howes?

  So, how, how much longer was that? Was like a couple of weeks, a month after?

• 16:57Speaker 01

  Nah, that was, when, when I came to that, that reality, that was closing in on the two years.

• 17:04Lewis Howes?

  Two years later when you weren't moving on.

• 17:06Speaker 01

  Because two years was the timeframe that they gave me too. That if something is to happen, if something is to come back.

• 17:15Lewis Howes?

  After that, the nerve is dead.

• 17:16Speaker 01

  Two year, yeah. You got like two years, you know, if something is gonna happen. And so I'm in this two-year window thinking like, oh, man, I'm like, man, within two, I'm gonna get stronger. I'm gonna get sharper. My IQ is gonna increase. It was all this thought process of just, I'm gonna just come back this machine, right? But also realizing I'm going through the two years and I'm going to doctor's visits. And now, when I think back on it, I can see it. I see when I go into doctor's visits at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota. And they would have a new device and they would try it and think, man, this is the one, Inc. I remember seeing a doctor cry one day, right?

• 17:56Lewis Howes?

  Cry.

• 17:56Speaker 01

  Cry, man, because it didn't work.

• 17:59Lewis Howes?

  No way.

• 17:59Speaker 01

  And I had become like close with him, right? Because I'm going to see him like every other week, like we're cool now, right?

• 18:07Lewis Howes?

  He's thinking, well, we're gonna figure out a way to get you back.

• 18:09Speaker 01

  They wanted to work too, not even for the sake of ball. I think they wanted me to have.

• 18:13Lewis Howes?

  Just humanity and this everything.

• 18:15Speaker 01

  Yeah, just some quality of life, right, in terms of with my arm in my hand. And I'll never forget, doctor walking out and he was crying and he said, man, we want it to work. And I was like, man, I do too. But now, thinking about that moment and what he must have been feeling. At the time, I'm totally just locked in, right? And so I'm just thinking like, man, like, he's feeling what I'm feeling, but I'm still not thinking I won't be able to play. But now, removed from it, years later, I know exactly what he was feeling. He saw me every single day coming there with this false sense of hope, like, man, this kid wanted to work. I wanted to work for him, but nah, it ain't gonna work.

• 18:57Lewis Howes?

  Oh, man.

• 18:58Speaker 01

  And he felt it, right? But I still didn't catch it because I was so.

• 19:03Lewis Howes?

  So focused, it's gonna happen.

• 19:04Speaker 01

  Yeah, but he knew. He knew far before, far before I got to that point, he knew like, ah, man, I don't know when it's gonna set in, but man, I don't know when he's gonna get it, you know? And I came to that point, man.

• 19:21Lewis Howes?

  Two years later.

• 19:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, I came to it.

• 19:23Lewis Howes?

  How do you let go of an identity that you once were, that you can no longer be?

• 19:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, man. It's, um. That's a great question, man. And especially for us as athletes or former athletes, because we all tie. And I think everybody to a certain extent with what we do, because if you ask a person, "Hey, man, um, who are you?" They're gonna tell you what they do. Yeah. Right? Because their identity, most of the time, is wrapped up in what they do. And so for athletes, it's heavy, right? That identity crisis of, "Man, I play ball, I do this," right? And so when you gotta transition into another period or sector in life, it's sometimes hard to understand because you don't always get that same feeling. And so when guys had to do it, or when I had to do it, it was tough just trying to figure out, "What am I gonna do?"

• 20:14Speaker 01

  Right? Because I've done this for so long, and this was the thing that I thought was gonna help my family. And so I'm big on service, right? Because a lot of people helped me and my family coming up. And I'll never forget, man, I gotta share this. I would go to Habitat for Humanity, because people would help me and my family coming up. And so I just love the looks that it would put on people's faces. When I was at Tennessee, they would always have a project for us to do. Whenever I would go, people would always say, "Hey, man, what happened to your arm?" Right? Because they would see the atrophy. This arm is naturally smaller than my left. And so I would just be like, "Oh, man, just a football injury." And somebody would always be, somebody there would be like, "No, what happened?" Right? Like, "I know your arm didn't get like that from just an injury, like, what happened?"

• 20:59Speaker 01

  I'd be like, "Just a tackle, man. I was making a tackle, hurt my arm." And they would keep pressing the issue. And I would answer questions, and when we would leave, somebody would always say, "Hey, man, you might need to speak. You might need to share that." I'd be like, "No, I'm cool." Right? Because my mother raised me, like, from the standpoint and the perspective of, "Hey, man, life don't owe you a thing." Right? Like, "Okay, something happens to you, pick up the pieces, move forward." And so I never thought of anything that happened, anything I went through with my family, like, as anything special. Everybody got a story. That's how I view life. Everybody done been through something, right? Everybody's gonna encounter something. And so I never looked at speaking, sharing.

• 21:44Speaker 01

  I never was the guy like, "Oh, man, this happened to me, let me go share with the world." I was like, "No, ain't, figure it out." Like, pick up the pieces, move forward, and figure it out. And so when people would say this, I would be like, "Nah, I'm not trying to speak, like, I don't wanna speak." Right, and one day I was in a small group because I was connected to community. That was one of the things I did intentionally when I got injured. I was like, man, I need community. I need to be connected to, whether spiritually, whether it's like groups. I need to be connected. And there was a guy, shout out to my guy Gus, older guy, like in his seventies. I got a couple restaurants, East Tennessee, had him in Atlanta, sold them, did really well in life.

• 22:27Speaker 01

  We're in a small group one night, discussing some things, and he says, uh, man, you're selfish. I was like, me? I'm like, no, man, I'm probably one of the most unselfish people you know. He was like, no, man, like, you're selfish. You think your injury and what happened to you is just about you.

• 22:47Speaker 01

  I was like, it happened to me. He was like, no, but you're thinking it's just about you. I was like, it happened to me. He was like, no, and he's like, the things we go through in life, man, they're not just for us. Right? Once we get to a place of peace and we figure out how to deal with it, it's our responsibility to go out and share that.

• 23:05Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 23:06Speaker 01

  It's like not for the world all the time, but just to share it. Because other people go through things, right? Other people are fighting, just go out and share it. And that was the first time I had got hit with something to where I pondered it, right? To where I was like, I make a nice, I make a nice point.

• 23:23Speaker 01

  A good point. And I was getting invitations to speak at the time, school assembly, you know, backyard stuff, birthday party. And I got the feeling, Louis, I got the same feeling that I was getting in the tunnel. And I was in kneeling, I got it, I got it, right? And I'll never forget when I got it, I felt it and I captured it. I was like, this might be it. And I spoke, did well, got home. And I'll never forget thinking like, man, like. I might need to look more into this. I might need to be more intentional about this. Right, then I meet a guy in West Town Mall in Knoxville.

• 24:07Speaker 01

  Me and Eric Berry, Eric went first round, fifth pick to the Chiefs. He did a signing. Me and Eric walk in, Eric splits off to go to his car. I'm walking, a gentleman comes running through the mall. Stops a couple of feet away from me. Bawling. Grown man, crying. And he says, "Thank you." I was like, "No disrespect, sir, what are you thanking me for?" He's like, "I saw your story on the news." He said, "I got a wife and I got three daughters." And he said, "When I watched your story, you made humor about what happened to you." He said, "I was about to leave my wife and my three daughters." And he said, "I said, 'Man, if that guy can hang in there, he can fight for what he's dealing with.'"

• 24:51Speaker 01

  Surely I can hang in there and I can fight for my wife and my three daughters." And he just walked off.

• 24:59Lewis Howes?

  Wow, that's powerful.

• 25:00Speaker 01

  And bro, it it it made me realize that, like I always say to people, man, like, when we go through things and like, the first thing we try to do is understand it. We wanna know, "Why am I going through this? Why did this happen to me?" I'm like, "Nah, man, some things you're gonna go through, it's gonna be so tough, you not gonna understand it right away." Just survive it, right? And once we survive it, then we get to a place of peace. Hopefully, we understand it, but then it's time to go out, share it, try to add value to certain environments we go into and certain people's lives.

• 25:29Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 25:29Speaker 01

  So shortly after that, two years, I felt like I had survived it and I got to a place of peace to where it was like, "All right, let's move forward."

• 25:37Lewis Howes?

  Hmm, that's powerful, man. From, I think for a lot of people listening, it's hard to understand why something has happened to them.

• 25:46Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 25:47Lewis Howes?

  Why did I go through this breakup? Why did I get fired from this thing? Why did I have this injury? Why did, is this happening in the world? Why are people fighting with each other? Why?

• 25:57Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 25:57Lewis Howes?

  And it's not until we can get through it and reflect on it, then we have hindsight. "Oh, this taught me this lesson," or "Here's why this needed to happen," or... And and now I think about if I look back in my life, I'm thirty nine now, and I think about all the challenging moments, I wouldn't change any of them. There's some things that seem so painful that I didn't want to experience. But the lesson that I learned from them, the person I became by overcoming them is so much more powerful than not having them.

• 26:31Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 26:32Lewis Howes?

  Right?

• 26:32Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 26:32Lewis Howes?

  That's how I feel.

• 26:33Speaker 01

  Strong.

• 26:35Lewis Howes?

  And so when challenging things happen, which I don't like when they happen, but it's not fun, man. It's not fun.

• 26:41Speaker 01

  Doesn't feel good.

• 26:42Lewis Howes?

  It doesn't feel good, but when challenging things happen now,

• 26:46Lewis Howes?

  I feel like I can put myself in a place of peace for moments and say, everything that has been hard in the past has all worked out. And it's taught me something, or it's let go of something in my life, even if it's the worst thing ever seeming to me. And I'm grateful for them all. So let me look into the future and have hindsight in the future. And start realizing, I don't know why this is going to be powerful, but I'm going to give this meaning. It's going to help me or help someone else in the future because I'm learning this lesson.

• 27:17Speaker 01

  That's good.

• 27:17Lewis Howes?

  And that has given me peace in the chaos.

• 27:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, man.

• 27:20Lewis Howes?

  Doesn't mean I like the chaos. I'm not looking for it. I don't want it. Stay away from it. But I feel like that that strategy has given me a sense of like, okay, this eventually will pass and hopefully I'll have some tools and knowledge based on that.

• 27:35Speaker 01

  That's good, man.

• 27:36Lewis Howes?

  Do you wish, uh, do you ever think about it and wish you would have tackled differently? Or are you are you grateful with everything that's happened the way it's happened?

• 27:44Speaker 01

  You know, to be honest, man, um,

• 27:48Speaker 01

  somebody comes up to me almost every week and say to me, like, be honest, man. You said you wouldn't change what happened to you. Like, be honest, like, you said you wouldn't change what happened to you. Why? Right? Because for most people, when they look at adversity and opposition, if a person goes through something that's traumatic, right? Trauma, whatever the case may be, the average person's perspective is going to go to a space and place. What did you lose? How did it affect you? What did you have to sacrifice? What did you have to give up? People very rarely were asked the question. Man, what did you learn from it?

• 28:22Lewis Howes?

  What did you gain?

• 28:23Speaker 01

  What did you gain? Right? How did it make you a better per- I know it didn't feel good, that's obvious. I know it hurt, right? I know you didn't like it, it wasn't convenient, but like, what did you gain from it? I just wanna know. Right? From the loss, from the pain, right? And so for me, it was such a traumatic experience. To where I was searching for the good. It was so traumatic.

• 28:46Lewis Howes?

  There is no good.

• 28:48Speaker 01

  It was so traumatic to where I'm like, alright, God, like, what's, like, what is this, man? This hurts, like. I don't like this. Like, why did this show up at this point in time? I remember being like, God, just let me make it to the NFL, get the contract.

• 29:04Speaker 01

  And then like, we could go through something like, just let me help my mom, help my grandma, help my cousins, like. I, when I was a kid, man, I remember saying to my cousins, like, if I make it to the league, man, we can get our own beds one day. Right? We just wanted our own beds, right? Right? And so when it happened, I remember seeing certain things happen. That it caught my attention, right? But I was so in the midst of what had happened to me, that it just caught my attention. I think the beautiful thing about adversity and opposition, when you live with it, it teaches you. Right? If you're open to it, right? When you live with challenges, it teaches you. And so, the reason that I wouldn't change what happened to me, or go back and even change the incident.

• 29:48Speaker 01

  Is because of not only the man that it shaped and molded me into, but the way it's impacted those close to me. Right? My mother and my father, their relationship was fractured majority of my life.

• 30:00Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 30:01Speaker 01

  Like, I'm talking about.

• 30:02Lewis Howes?

  Were they living together or no?

• 30:03Speaker 01

  No, no, like, never, right?

• 30:07Lewis Howes?

  How many kids does your mom have?

• 30:08Speaker 01

  My mom's just got me and my sister.

• 30:10Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 30:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, and so, my dad, he's married, and he has two daughters as well. But when they had me, they were teenagers, right? And so, my dad's trying to figure it out, mom is trying, young, right?

• 30:22Lewis Howes?

  They don't have tools. They don't know how to connect with each other, communicate.

• 30:25Speaker 01

  None of that.

• 30:26Lewis Howes?

  Deal with conflict.

• 30:27Speaker 01

  None of that, man.

• 30:28Lewis Howes?

  Act like a child.

• 30:30Speaker 01

  Act like a child, have a child.

• 30:32Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 30:33Speaker 01

  And so it created a lot of hurt, a lot of resentment on both ends. And so for me. When I started growing up, I had a level of resentment toward my father. Mm hmm. That I very rarely spoke about. And so I would speak to him and we would be cordial when we got to the point of communication. Before a long time, I resented him. And so my mother and my father could very rarely be in a room and it be peace. Right. Very rarely. When my injury happened, they had to be in a room. It had to be peace because it was a much bigger issue at hand. They didn't know if they were gonna have to amputate my, they didn't know any of that. Right, but fast forward a bit. What's happened, not only in my life, but in my family's life, it's been phenomenal.

• 31:16Speaker 01

  Like, my mother and my father can be in the same space and place, in the same room. Hmm. Wonderful grandparents. My father came and lived with me for thirty days after my injury, under the same roof. Helped take me to rehab for my arm. Wow. Take me to class, wash my clothes, like what it did for our relationship. What it did for my family's relationships. What it did for me and my buddies, my friends, right? Guys tying my shoes, our connection, what that produced. Like, it was phenomenal, right? The way it shaped and molded my perspective in my life and how I treat people. Mm hmm. Right? Not that I was a bad person before, because I wasn't. It's just the way that it shaped and molded my perspective and how I view this thing called life every single day. Right. Right?

• 32:01Speaker 01

  Because of what you just spoke about. When you go through something, I asked a guy this. Louis, I was in Saint Louis, speaking. Pandemic, one of my live trips during the pandemic. And I said, can somebody tell me something good that's happened as a result of the pandemic? Lady stands up. She says, uh, my mother lives in Japan. I get to speak to her every single day. I know if I was working the same schedule, I never would've got the opportunity to have those moments. Gentleman stands up in the back of the room. A man look like he's supposed to been in the movie Three Hundred. Traps up to his ears, to my yoked up, Louis, right? Starts bawling. And he says, "I'm thankful I got to watch my first child being born."

• 32:46Speaker 01

  Crying. He said, "I knew for a fact if I was working the same schedule, I never would have got the opportunity to witness that moment." He said, "What's something you thankful for, Inc?" I said, "Man, I'm thankful for 3 P.M." He said, "Why 3 P.M.?" I said, "Man, I get to raise cats and be the first one in the carpool line." Right? He was like, "The carpool line, really?" I was like, "Yeah, the carpool line." I was like, "But not the carpool line." He's like, "What you mean by that?" I said, "The carpool line is extremely important." I get to pick my kids up from school most days. Phenomenal, love it, right? I said, "But more than that, it's about can I condition my mindset and my perspective that when uncertainty happens, opposition happens, adversity happens, I can put my mind, my perspective in a space and place to extract some good." Right?

• 33:31Speaker 01

  And so with adversity and opposition with my arm, I got a paralyzed right arm and hand. My perspective, my drive, my dedication, my commitment, my essence, my ethos, the thing that makes me Inc. It never got paralyzed. That was just my identity in sport. Yes. That's what people knew me by in sport. But who I am as a man, that never got paralyzed. Right? I'm extremely grateful for that. My right arm and hand gets paralyzed, I get to go to disability services and learn how to write with my left arm in. Like, I get to try different things. Right? I get to go up to the Mayo Clinic. And my first visit there, I sit down and I come out of a room to where they had just shot four needles in my back. Full of dye. I'm talking about biggest needles I've ever seen in my life.

• 34:15Speaker 01

  I sit down, I'm feeling sorry for myself. A little kid had to be ten years old. Sits down, I don't know what the condition was. A mother sits down on one side of her. Father sits down on the opposite side of her. And it's like they're holding skin up on her face.

• 34:32Speaker 01

  And I was like, man, I just got a arm in a hand. But I got put in those environments and I got to see that.

• 34:39Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 34:40Speaker 01

  Extremely thankful and grateful. Most people don't get to see things like that on a daily basis.

• 34:45Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 34:46Speaker 01

  That conditions the mindset and the perspective to look for good in the midst of adversity, opposition, or uncertainty. I tell people all the time, man, the easiest thing in the world to do is to be negative.

• 34:56Lewis Howes?

  So easy.

• 34:57Speaker 01

  Easiest thing in the world to do is complain. Easiest thing in the world to do is to quit. That's easy. Me and you both can walk out of this building and see something on the streets of L.A. And say, man, that's whack. And complain about it.

• 35:10Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 35:10Speaker 01

  Or we can look at it and say, you know what, man? That's really unfortunate. But if they did this, if they can change this about it, I think that can be a beautiful situation.

• 35:21Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 35:21Speaker 01

  That's a gift and that's a talent that not everybody has. And it's it's extremely underrated.

• 35:27Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 35:28Speaker 01

  Extremely underrated.

• 35:29Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 35:30Speaker 01

  But it's extremely powerful when used in the right manner.

• 35:33Lewis Howes?

  How did you learn to have the positive perspective in the pain and in the trauma?

• 35:38Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 35:39Lewis Howes?

  Like, was there someone helping you get out of that? Or did you just flip the switch into that mindset?

• 35:45Speaker 01

  Yeah. I would um, I would say part of how I grew up.

• 35:50Speaker 01

  When you grow up in that two bedroom house with fourteen people, you don't have a lot of choices in terms of what you gonna eat. You know, how much of it can you get? Like, I remember watching my mother count change in a uh, old Buick Regal, man. Never forget this. And she was counting up change, she had a few dollars in there. And she was trying to get me a pair of cleats. Never forget it. Shaped and molded my perspective at practice, how I practice. Like, if you ask any coach that ever had me on their team. But they'll be like, man, that cat used to practice hard. Because I remember moments like that. I remember as a kid, my uncles would stand on the corner all night,

• 36:34Speaker 01

  engaging in their legal activity. Come in the house, take the clothes off that they were on the corner in all night. Wearing two X T-shirt, put it on me, I'm one hundred and thirty-five pounds. And I wear it to school the next morning. I remember me and my cousins coming and they're saying, hey, man, y'all just make sure y'all got a lot of T-shirts from the corner store. And y'all just change out the jeans. Right? And so I might wear it one day. My other cousin will wear it the next day. Other cousin will just be shifting, you know, spinning it around. Right? It shaped my perspective. It made me extremely grateful. I remember Christmas Eve, we got our first pair of Nikes. And somebody broke in our house and me and my cousin was going back and forth in the room like, man, I can't wait till we wear them Nikes. We gonna race.

• 37:19Speaker 01

  Like any other kids, like kids in the streets of L.A., Chicago, Florida, Atlanta. Like, we used to race coming up, right? You raced with your boys coming up. Used to race light pole to light pole. We got our first pair of Nikes for Christmas. We're going room to room. You know what I'm saying? We just talking, man, I can't wait. We gonna race tomorrow. And I'll never forget when we walked in that room and they were gone. Oh, man. And you saw a cat had came through that window. Hurt, right? First pair of Nike, hurt, right? And I'll never forget, my mother called my coach. My little league coach, man, that put me in sports. Guy by the name of Trey Hirsch. And he showed up the next day. And we were sitting on the curb and, you know, people outside with whatever they had for Christmas and we're sitting there.

• 38:02Speaker 01

  And he drove up and he gets out of the truck. And he says, Ink, I'm sorry, man. You know, I got the call late. And he had like a little brown bag that you get from like a corner store. And he was like, but, you know, I was able to get some stuff, man. This is all I could do at the last minute. And he had drawers and socks in the bag, right? And I was grateful that my guy showed up, right? More than what he had in the bag. I was like, my dude showed up. And my guy still tries to get me drawers and socks till this day on Christmas, and I don't even need them. Right? This is my dude, you know what I'm saying? But it's moments like that that you remember.

• 38:44Speaker 01

  That shape and mold you as a person as you go throughout life, and I think we all have them. Right? We all have these moments, right? Whether it be humility moments, whether it be, you know, moments that keep us grounded. It's just we choose sometimes to forget them.

• 38:58Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 38:59Speaker 01

  But I feel like we all have those encounters that as we navigate and we go and we grow throughout life. It's those moments that keep us grounded, that makes us remember where we come from, that makes us remember how we've gotten to the points that people know us at, that we look back and we think and we reflect on to where we can say, all right, I got it, right? And so it's those moments.

• 39:20Lewis Howes?

  What would you say was the biggest fear or insecurity that you overcame or needed to overcome since after those two years until now? Was it learning how to do public speaking? Was it learning how to accept yourself and the way you looked? Was it connecting with your boys in a certain way or being perceived as someone who got injured? Was it, what was the fear or insecurity you had to overcome?

• 39:43Speaker 01

  Man, I would say, um, it's layered. So I wanna, I wanna touch on it. It was extremely difficult when I first started going out with my arm. It was extremely difficult, you know, because.

• 39:56Lewis Howes?

  Were you single at the time or did you have a girl at the time or?

• 39:58Speaker 01

  No, me and my wife, you know, we, we've been on and off, you know? She's had more patience with me.

• 40:03Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah, but at the time you were with her or on and off with her?

• 40:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, on and off and, um, but she, she was always there, man. It was my immaturity.

• 40:12Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 40:12Speaker 01

  But, um, you know, my arm.

• 40:16Speaker 01

  You know, it's just naturally, you know, smaller.

• 40:19Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 40:20Speaker 01

  And so, when I first started going out, sleeve, and I would go out and either people would shy away.

• 40:27Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 40:28Speaker 01

  Which would hurt, you know, in the early years, or a person would just look, right, like, man, what is that? You know, and very few people would ask, right, when I started going out with my sleeve, very few people would say, just in terms of if I'm out in an area, like, if I'm at Habitat for Humanity, I'm there with the football team. So it's all good, like, people gonna come over, boom, but if I'm out, like, solo.

• 40:52Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 40:52Speaker 01

  Walking through the mall, very few people would just come up and be like, hey, man, what happened? They would just look, right, and just stare, and that was extremely difficult for me for a long time, right? Just thinking about, okay, man, like, what are they thinking, right? Or it really hurt when people would just look and they would think I'm looking and they would shy away. Like, that hurt, you know, early on. But I would say the biggest thing that I've had to overcome, like, public speaking, I was fearful of that, but the biggest thing, man, was, um, running from poverty. You know, what I considered to be poverty, man, um, because I thought football was gonna help my family.

• 41:34Speaker 01

  And so when I started speaking, I started doing extremely well, you know, have been for a while, with speaking, to where I would just go, and I was just trying to accept gigs, gigs, gigs.

• 41:45Lewis Howes?

  Make as much to care.

• 41:46Speaker 01

  I was just running, right, just trying to speak, because I grew up a certain way, and I was like, man, I don't want.

• 41:52Lewis Howes?

  You don't wanna go back there.

• 41:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, to have to grow up the way I grew up, my kids, or go back to that environment. And I loved every element of it, right? I loved the encounters with the people, I loved the impact that it gives you. I was just running from my past, and I'll never forget, I was in a small group, and a gentleman was walking around in a circle, and he was like, what's something that, you know, you guys feel like in your childhood, you're still dealing with, or you're running from? And, you know, everybody would raise their hand, say something, and he got to me, and I was like, poverty. And he was like, are you in poverty? I was like, no, he was like, well, stop running. And and it's simplicity was yet profound, but it was simple, right? And I thought about it when I got to my room.

• 42:38Speaker 01

  And I'll never forget was I got a gig. And it was one of the biggest gigs I had gotten to date. And they were about to pay me more money.

• 42:47Lewis Howes?

  How old are you then? How old are you?

• 42:48Speaker 01

  I was thirty six now. I was probably thirty.

• 42:53Lewis Howes?

  Okay, six years ago.

• 42:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:55Lewis Howes?

  They're about to pay your biggest check ever.

• 42:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, biggest check ever. And I was stoked. And the challenge was it fell on my wife's birthday. Right? And so I'm like, man. And so, you know, you start working it out in your mind. Oh, man, my wife's birthday. I start talking. I'm negotiating.

• 43:15Lewis Howes?

  We do a birthday week before or week after.

• 43:18Speaker 01

  Right, I'm working it out. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah. So when I bring it to her, I already done worked it out. Hey babe, this gig, you know, like, I could send you and grandma to the spa. I can come back right after that. We can work. I got it all figured out. Oh, I got it all figured out. And she could see how excited I was, so she was like, oh, yeah, yeah, go, sure, go. And my wife, and my wife been at it since fifth grade, so she knows me. Go. So I go, it works out, do the gig, I send them to the spa, fly back the same day, pick her up. Everything goes great on the birthday. Two days later, think it was something about, might have been some socks or something at the house, something small. Wife blew up.

• 44:01Speaker 01

  Right? She showed a side to me that I hadn't even seen yet, right? And I knew exactly what it was. Like, it clicked immediately. I was like, that was the gig. I was like, she's blowing up, not because she's blowing up about the gig. She felt as if I value the opportunity, the engagement and the money over her and her birthday. That was the damage, right? Over the kids, over the family, over that moment, right? And so what I had to do was realize that, man, you got renewable and you got non-renewable moments in life, right? Renewable, you can always make some more money, right? Non-renewable, my wife will never get another thirtieth birthday. My son will never have another tenth birthday.

• 44:46Speaker 01

  My daughter never have another eleventh birthday. Right, and so my biggest thing that I had to overcome and destroy and grow through was that spirit and that thought process of running from poverty. Something I encountered as a kid. And once I got to a solid space as an adult, you know, every next level of our lives demand a new version of us. Right, taking that toolkit.

• 45:11Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 45:11Speaker 01

  Reconstructing it, growing to another level. So I didn't do damage by having the right intentions while doing damage. The right intention. I want my family to have a better way of life, but I'm doing damage with the right intention because I'm not growing beyond that level and that thought process.

• 45:27Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 45:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:29Lewis Howes?

  So how do you negotiate? What if you got a hundred thousand dollar gig on her birthday?

• 45:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 45:34Lewis Howes?

  Are you just to say, nah, sorry, sorry, Nike, nah, can't come and speak the same day?

• 45:39Speaker 01

  Nah, we good, go, go, right, we good. Yeah, but man, just trying to communicate, you know, that's a skill that

• 45:46Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 45:46Speaker 01

  I don't think is, man, we always get or cultivate, you know, so, but yeah, it worked out.

• 45:52Lewis Howes?

  Why do you think so many people hold on to their tragedies or traumas so intently in their present? From something that happened two, five, 10, 20 years ago? Why do you think people hold on to it so long?

• 46:06Speaker 01

  I think just the, the nature of the impact when it happens. Right, and how it stuns their life. Right, like I had one of my friends who is a high level coach, division one coach, that ended up getting fired. And, um, great coach, man, just had a bad run, bad couple of years. And hit me up and was like, hey, Inc., man, I need you to help me with something. Said, why am I resisting opportunities to get another head gig? It's like, I love ball. Like, why am I resisting the opportunity? Why am I fearful? And I was like, I'm not saying this is for certain. But I think for one, maybe the embarrassment of being fired. Mm hmm. And how that made you feel.

• 46:51Speaker 01

  How that impacted your children. How that impacted your family. Because I think painful experiences. They always come with a lot of different emotions. Right, like me talking about going out. It was hard for me with my arm when people would look at me. Right, that was a bit embarrassing at first. Right, and so sometimes we hold on to these different emotions. That attach to the experiences that we have. So I think you got the experience. And then you got the collateral damage of the experience. Yeah. How it affects our mindset. How it affects the way we see people. How it affects our emotions. And I think sometimes it's challenging to separate the two. And deconstruct the two. Mm hmm. And so therefore, we hold on to the feelings that the trauma may have given us.

• 47:36Speaker 01

  Right, the feelings that the adversity and opposition may have given us. And so I think the moment that we can grow through it. Mm hmm. And figure out a way to use it. I think the quicker we get through it. Because I think it's a powerful thing, Louis, and I think you probably know this to be true. When we use what happens to us. And it creates a light bulb moment for another person. That's a great feeling. It's like when you get something for yourself for Christmas. Mm hmm. That's awesome. It feels great. But when you do something for another person that you know is in need. Like that feels ten times better for some reason. Mm hmm. And so I take adversity and opposition. And I I interconnect it the same way. Yeah. When we go through things, it hurts, or we figure out a way to get through it. But when we share something and we identify with another person.

• 48:21Speaker 01

  To let them know that, because oftentimes when people go through stuff, you feel alone, you feel isolated. And you feel like, man, like, is something wrong with me? And I think what happens when we go through and we create a level of empathy. We show them that, nah, man, you're human. Like, we all go through things. Like, nobody is perfect. Like, I told a guy that had a brachial plexus injury. He's like, "Man, I see how you got through it." Like, it hasn't been that easy for me. I was like, "No, bro, it took work." It took years. Like, this was painful. I went through every emotion that you're probably going through. And I had a lot of people to help me with them. And so I feel like sometimes it's just the feelings that are attached and interconnected to the experiences that we have that creates the reason that we hold on to it for so long.

• 49:06Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 49:07Speaker 01

  Right? And I think the quicker we can get through and use what we go through, the quicker we can go out and we can make the world a better place.

• 49:13Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely, man.

• 49:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 49:15Lewis Howes?

  Where do you think you'd be right now if this didn't happen? Do you think you'd have the same level of emotional intelligence and wisdom and

• 49:27Lewis Howes?

  service mentality that you do now? Or do you think you'd be in a different place?

• 49:32Speaker 01

  I think I'd be in a different place. Much more reserved.

• 49:34Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 49:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, much more reserved. Because just the nature of my personality. You know, I speak and people see me speak. But to be honest, I'm an introvert by nature. That's why it was so hard for me to do it.

• 49:46Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 49:47Speaker 01

  But I know for a fact, if I'd have played ball, God would have blessed me to go to the NFL.

• 49:52Lewis Howes?

  Played for a few years.

• 49:53Speaker 01

  Played for a few years. I'd have just faded to black, man. I'd have helped the people near and dear to me, probably. Like, they would have knew me, but I wouldn't have been out in front of the world, sharing or traveling. It just wasn't my personality. Like, just the, the, be able to go out and share. That took work for me to be in front of a crowd. And so I know for a fact, if I'd have played ball, and I think about that often. If I'd have played ball, went out, got a couple of contracts, did well, I'd probably just sat on the porch every day. You know, I'd be doing work, take my kids to school, be involved in local community stuff. But I never would have discovered some of the gifts that now I know I possess.

• 50:33Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 50:34Speaker 01

  Like, I'm being completely honest with you, bro. I never thought. I would speak.

• 50:40Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 50:41Speaker 01

  Like ever. They put me in public speaking in college. I dropped the class on the second day.

• 50:46Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, terrifying.

• 50:47Speaker 01

  Never, never like and so for me, this is extremely humbling for me. Like to speak, to go out and share, it's the thing that I feel like honest, like I could do forever. Like the interactions never get old to me.

• 51:04Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 51:05Speaker 01

  Because I wasn't the guy that was saying, man, I wanna go speak.

• 51:08Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 51:08Speaker 01

  I wanna go share, right? I never thought I could speak. Right? When I got to college, they were putting me in public speaking because they couldn't understand most of the words I was saying from where I was from. You know what I'm saying? And so I never thought, and so for me to understand and know that my life was being guided by a force and by a source that was a lot greater than me, it's extremely humbling to know that there was a plan in place, even when my plan didn't work. That was extremely humbling for me. And so when a father comes up and says, hey, man, like I saw this story. It helped me hang in there with my family. Like I take that to heart. When a kid comes up and is like, man, I watched that before the games.

• 51:50Speaker 01

  I'm like, man, that's amazing, right? That can never get to the point in my life to where I'm like, oh, they're just saying that. Because I never imagined, I never thought, I never knew I had this gift. Right? And so for me, man, I I think I thank God that this happened. And for some people, it's hard to understand and look at it that way. Because it helped me discover things about myself that I never knew.

• 52:18Lewis Howes?

  Hmm. What would you say the three biggest lessons you've learned from the trauma you've experienced?

• 52:23Speaker 01

  Patience, um, empathy. And um, always being willing to extend the level of grace to others, but also to yourself.

• 52:38Lewis Howes?

  Did you beat yourself up for a long time?

• 52:42Speaker 01

  I wouldn't say um, beat myself up, but I definitely thought about, like, man, like.

• 52:55Speaker 01

  Why did it happen? You know what I'm saying? Like, just going down that rabbit hole of searching like, what is this? Like, why did this happen? And then, when I released that, and it was like, alright, man, just survive it. Stop trying to understand it, survive it.

• 53:10Lewis Howes?

  This did happen. I can't go back.

• 53:12Speaker 01

  I can't change it.

• 53:13Lewis Howes?

  So you gotta accept it.

• 53:14Speaker 01

  Gotta accept it.

• 53:15Lewis Howes?

  Get through the pain and the emotions, and then find meaning from it.

• 53:18Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 53:19Lewis Howes?

  Is that the process?

• 53:20Speaker 01

  That was the process, bro.

• 53:22Lewis Howes?

  Is that what you would suggest to anyone? If they go through a devastating divorce, or some type of heartache or injury, and they're questioning, why did this happen? I've been following the rules, and I've been a good person, and living a good life, and why did this thing happen to me? What would you say?

• 53:38Speaker 01

  Sometimes, you gotta stop focusing and thinking about what could have happened and what should have happened, and you gotta live in what is happening. Right? Because I always say to them, stop trying to understand it and focus on surviving it. Because the quicker you can survive it, the quicker you can use it, the quicker you can extract a lesson from it, the quicker you can glean perspective from it. And for all of us, we're gonna encounter those defining moments in our lives, right, to where it's gonna hurt. Right? You went through it. I went through it. I remember I said to somebody, like, man, it felt like I was in a boxing match, and I just got KO'd. Life just knocked me out, bro, and I'm on the mat trying to find my mouthpiece. Right? I'm like spitting out blood.

• 54:22Speaker 01

  I see him over there counting, right? I'm looking at my guy in the corner. He gonna throw in the towel. I'm like, not yet. And I find the strength to muster up, to get myself up. Be like, alright, let's go. I'm ready. And I'll never forget that person saying, you know what? Life is so cold-blooded. You gonna get knocked out like that again.

• 54:42Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 54:43Speaker 01

  And again, and again. So the challenge is, will you learn the lessons from it so the lessons doesn't have to keep getting repeated, and you keep having to learn it?

• 54:55Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 54:55Speaker 01

  So when you go through these things of opposition, adversity, and challenge, it's always a lesson, it's always a blessing. It's up to us to extract it. And if we're so concerned with trying to understand, why, why, why? We're gonna miss the lesson. Right? We're gonna miss the blessing, and the lesson is gonna keep repeating itself.

• 55:14Lewis Howes?

  I know that from

• 55:15Speaker 01

  Right.

• 55:16Lewis Howes?

  repeating, uh, certain relationships over and over again.

• 55:20Speaker 01

  We all got, got things like that, man. It's like, what I, like, I got two kids. I always try to teach him like, one of, one of our big things is attitude drives performance, right? Attitude drives performance. I say to him all the time, when you get negative and you get frustrated, what does it do to your performance? Like, it goes bad. It just gets bigger and bigger, negative and negative. I'm like, exactly. And so when it doesn't turn out the way you want it to turn out, and you get negative, the lesson is just gonna repeat itself until you graduate. Right? Until you learn how to set up, celebrate the pain. Celebrate. My son, sometimes he'll come out, go five for five, right? Might get two home runs, right? Other times he'll come out, go oh for five, right?

• 56:04Speaker 01

  When you go oh for five, are you gonna start huffing and puffing? And then you gotta get the lesson repeated again? Or are you gonna learn at a certain point to say, alright, man, it's baseball? It happens. So what? Clap it up, cheer on your teammate, and say, you know what? Today I'm not getting it done on the offensive side, defense, I got you. Right? Sometimes I'm not getting it done on this side, I got you. And so that's the key to life, I think. Sometimes when things don't go our way, the quote says it. You judge the true character and caliber of a person, not by where they stand in times of comfort and convenience. You judge the true character and caliber of a person, by where they stand in times of challenge and controversy. Right? It's an incredible thing, and character can be cultivated in the midst of opposition and adversity. That's the reason it says it. It's King's quote.

• 56:49Speaker 01

  It doesn't say you judge character by how a person respond when everything is going good. They know how you gonna respond. Happy go lucky. Celebrate. Hand clap. Great. Hippie parade. But when things go wrong, things don't go the way you want them to, they don't unfold the way you want them to, who are you? Because that's the true test of who you are as a person. That's your true character. That's the essence and the ethos of who you are as a person. Everybody is gonna smile when the sun shining, man. But the song says it. Can you stand the rain, baby? Like, it says it. And so in light, can you stand the rain? That's the true test of character.

• 57:30Lewis Howes?

  Love the, uh, love Remember the Titans.

• 57:33Speaker 01

  Oh, that's one of my favorite movies.

• 57:35Lewis Howes?

  Man, I think I was in college when that came out.

• 57:38Speaker 01

  That's one of my favorite movies.

• 57:39Lewis Howes?

  And we all watched the, you know, we all watched the night before a game.

• 57:42Speaker 01

  Oh, that's, that's the joint. That's one of my favorite movies.

• 57:46Lewis Howes?

  Attitude reflect leadership captain. You know. That's where it's at.

• 57:52Speaker 01

  How real is that, though? That's real, man.

• 57:54Lewis Howes?

  That's true, man.

• 57:55Speaker 01

  That's real. And you know the crazy thing, uh, Lou is like, attitude is a small thing that we often underestimate. But we really can't control that.

• 58:07Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely. Dude, I, there's, when I bring someone on our team, we've got twenty people on our team now.

• 58:13Speaker 01

  Nice.

• 58:13Lewis Howes?

  And when I bring people on, obviously, we look for skill set and experience and all these different things. Make sure they have certain skills. But I tell people over and over again, they're probably sick of me saying it, that the things I care about the most is your attitude, your energy and your effort. Cause we can teach you a lot of the things that you need to know. We can get you a consultant we can hire. We can get you a course. We can get you whatever to learn than a skill better.

• 58:39Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 58:40Lewis Howes?

  We can get coached up on a skill. It's hard to get coached up on attitude, energy and effort. It's gotta come from within. You've gotta make a decision and a choice. I'm going to have a positive attitude. I'm gonna have a attitude of gratitude or appreciation or whatever it might be in this moment, even when it's not going my way.

• 58:59Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 59:00Lewis Howes?

  Even when I'm going, you know, things are going off in my life or I just feel sluggish. Can I shift my attitude? Can I have a different energy? And can I give effort?

• 59:08Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:09Lewis Howes?

  You know, you, you appreciate the guy who maybe isn't that skilled on basketball or football, but he's always diving for the ball.

• 59:16Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 59:16Lewis Howes?

  You're like,

• 59:17Speaker 01

  That's the man.

• 59:18Lewis Howes?

  Man, he's doing what I, I wish I was doing this. You know, he's making me look bad.

• 59:21Speaker 01

  That's the man.

• 59:22Lewis Howes?

  The hustler that's just like, he doesn't have the, the, the height or the speed or the strength, but he's willing to hustle and fight, right? And I think it's the attitude, the energy and the effort you put into your relationship, your, your career, your, your health.

• 59:37Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:38Lewis Howes?

  Which will dictate the quality of your life in a big way. But if we have negative attitude, negative energy and negative effort. You can't expect great things to happen to you.

• 59:46Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 59:47Lewis Howes?

  So.

• 59:48Speaker 01

  That's good.

• 59:49Lewis Howes?

  Attitude is everything. I don't, I don't think it's a small thing. I think it is the thing.

• 59:53Speaker 01

  Absolutely. That's good. That's good.

• 59:55Lewis Howes?

  I think.

• 59:56Speaker 01

  That's good.

• 59:57Lewis Howes?

  What did Lombardi say? His quote? If you're not fired up with enthusiasm, you'll be fired with enthusiasm.

• 1:00:03Speaker 01

  Hmm. Yeah, that's strong. That's strong.

• 1:00:06Lewis Howes?

  Right? It's like if you're not, if you don't have an attitude of enthusiasm in what you're doing, even when it's painful.

• 1:00:12Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:13Lewis Howes?

  Try to be enthusiastic and you'll make it a more enjoyable experience.

• 1:00:17Speaker 01

  That's strong. That's strong.

• 1:00:19Lewis Howes?

  Those three days, I don't know if you ever did three days, but we did those. I think I might have stopped when you were in high school.

• 1:00:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, we did that too. Yeah, we did that too.

• 1:00:25Lewis Howes?

  Because a couple of kids like died in high school. It was like my senior year, 2001, a couple of kids in the country died of like heat exhaustion. So we used to do three days and then they cut it back to two because of that. And, um, but I remember thinking like, and we had like a military coach in high school.

• 1:00:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:00:44Lewis Howes?

  And it was like no water break. It was like you just push through. You're just doing burpees for hours. You know, it's everything. You'd fumble the ball and everyone's running a mile, whatever it is. And then back in there. And it was painful, man, but I just remember thinking, this is only going to last two hours. You know, or three hours.

• 1:01:00Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:01:01Lewis Howes?

  Can I get through this? You know, and try to have a positive attitude in this timeframe.

• 1:01:06Speaker 01

  Man, I want to ask you something. I want to ask you something. Just listening to you. Do you, do you think mental toughness is a skill?

• 1:01:15Speaker 01

  Or what's your thoughts about mental toughness?

• 1:01:16Lewis Howes?

  I think you gotta develop it. I think it's trained. I think it's something you develop for sure. I don't think many people have it. Like as a kid, you've got to develop it.

• 1:01:26Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 1:01:27Lewis Howes?

  And sports has been the way that I know to develop it. I know musicians develop it as well in a big way because they practice and they're dedicated to a craft. But I think it's, I don't think you're just born with mental toughness. Right. I think certain things happen that cause you to have to step up. Bingo. Right, there's some type of adversity, or you're, you know, don't have the connection with your parents the way you wanted, or you're picked on and bullied, and you have to endure. Bingo. You either endure, or you're just fall behind. Bingo. And I think that enduring energy, coupled with the emotions behind it, keep you going. You know, so I was driven mostly to prove people wrong as a kid, because I was picked on, right? Yeah. And I was going through some, some stress at home.

• 1:02:11Lewis Howes?

  And so I was just trying to prove everyone wrong in my life, and I was willing to do whatever it took to prove the people who made fun of me wrong. Yeah. And so I, I developed mental toughness in a negative sense, which made me more angry and reactive when things didn't go my way in sports. It would drive me to be the best I could be, but I was a really sore loser. Yeah. And I was, you know, you hit me, I just wanted to hit you back. Yeah. You know, I didn't respond well. Yeah, get that lick back. Until, and so I had to learn the lesson so many times until I was like, okay, I need to be better than the situation, I need to rise above it, I can't react to everything, because then I'm on the bench. No doubt. So you get on the bench enough, you get kicked out of the game enough, you're like, oh, I can't play. Done. So I had to learn how to manage the emotions at some extent. Yeah.

• 1:02:57Lewis Howes?

  Um, but that was a, that was a challenging thing, man. But when we want something bad enough, I think you're willing to be mentally tough. Absolutely. You have to be. Absolutely. But if you don't want it bad enough, then you're, ah, I don't care about it. You don't have like, a meaning attached to the thing you want. And I was so committed to accomplishments to get accepted and to be praised by others, because I wasn't accepted and praised by others. And every, and I would go years, a decade to accomplish my goal in sports. And when I would accomplish all these big goals, I didn't, I wasn't happy still.

• 1:03:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:03:33Lewis Howes?

  It's because I was trying to get acceptance from others, but I didn't accept myself. So it wasn't until I shifted it, when I said, I'm doing this because I want to be in service of others through my art, my expression, my inspiration. And I'm doing it because I purely love what I'm creating, what I'm doing, and I accept myself. Then I started to actually enjoy the process.

• 1:03:53Speaker 01

  That's good.

• 1:03:53Lewis Howes?

  It wasn't about winning, it was about the process.

• 1:03:55Speaker 01

  That's good.

• 1:03:57Lewis Howes?

  And, and I think it's hard for us to truly love what we do until we fully accept who we are.

• 1:04:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:04Lewis Howes?

  It's really hard.

• 1:04:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's good. It's hard to love what we do until we fully accept who we are. That's strong.

• 1:04:13Lewis Howes?

  I think so, man.

• 1:04:14Speaker 01

  That's strong.

• 1:04:15Lewis Howes?

  We can enjoy the things we're doing, but if we don't accept who we are, then we're doing it from a place of lack. We're doing it from a place of unwholeness. If we don't accept who we are, then we're not whole.

• 1:04:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:27Lewis Howes?

  And so we're giving it an energy that is not a true, pure love.

• 1:04:31Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 1:04:32Lewis Howes?

  It's like I'm doing something I enjoy, but for what reason? To make myself whole? To like prove to others, to impress other people?

• 1:04:39Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:39Lewis Howes?

  But we should just be doing it from a whole-centered place.

• 1:04:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, that's good.

• 1:04:44Lewis Howes?

  That's my thought.

• 1:04:45Speaker 01

  I love that, man. I love that.

• 1:04:47Lewis Howes?

  What do you think is the, the?

• 1:04:49Speaker 01

  I love that.

• 1:04:50Lewis Howes?

  What is the biggest struggle you're facing with now? Is it, you know, your parent, you're, you're a father of two kids?

• 1:04:56Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:56Lewis Howes?

  They're about to be teenagers, it's about to be a whole new world.

• 1:04:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:04:59Lewis Howes?

  Uh, you know, you've been doing your speaking career for 15 years now, essentially, you know, 12 to 15 years.

• 1:05:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:05:07Lewis Howes?

  What is the biggest challenge you face today?

• 1:05:10Speaker 01

  The biggest challenge, um, I face now, you know, and I, I really don't look at it like, you know how it is, as, as athletes, we thrive off challenges, right? Like, we thrive off of it, but, you know, I would say, man, fatherhood is really pulled the element and the side out of me that. You know, has really served me well, right? Because we're blessed with two beautiful kids, eleven year old daughter, ten year old son. Totally different in terms of how they view life, how they approach life and how they do things. Um, of course, my son is like my wife, it's total opposite. My daughter is like me, right? And so some of the tactics early on that I would try to use with my son, it wouldn't work.

• 1:05:55Speaker 01

  And my wife is phenomenal. My wife, you know, at one point in her life, she was an educator, teacher, love kids, right? And so communicating with kids for her comes second nature. You know, I'm more like. Toughen up. A coach, yeah, yeah. Yeah, get up, man, let's go, right? And so I leaned on her a lot and she would share things with me. Like I remember my, my daughter, man, I had this moment, it broke my heart, man. But it broke my heart, but it created extreme revelation. Like it was a light bulb moment, but it hurt me as a father. Like when my daughter was probably, I'd say eight.

• 1:06:34Speaker 01

  And, you know, I, I would have this mentality, you know, whenever they would do something great, you know, I was the guy that would see it. You know, and be like, man, that was great, that was cool. But if you do this, it would have helped you get that. If you did that, it'd help you get this, right? I was that dude because that was the way I was wired and how I looked at things coming up. You know, just in sports and life, because I was that type of person. And I'll never forget, my daughter came out one day at the school, sitting in the carpool now. She comes out, she has like a, a test grade. And she had like a, maybe like an eighty-nine. And she gets in the car and she was like, dad, I, I got eighty-nine on my test.

• 1:07:18Speaker 01

  She was like, you probably don't think it's that good, but I'm really proud of myself. Like I worked really hard, I gave it everything I had, right? And I was like, damn, I became that guy. Like, I make my kids feel like nothing is ever good enough?

• 1:07:40Speaker 01

  And I remember talking to my wife that night. And I shared with her what Jada said. And I was like, man, that really hurt me. Like, as a father, that hurt, bro. Like, I get emotional about it. That hurt me. You know what I'm saying? Because I never wanted my kids or want my kids to ever feel like, I don't care if you do your best and you get a C. Like, as your father, I got your back and I'm gonna love you and I'm gonna be proud of you regardless. Like, I'm gonna ride with you regardless. I'm your dude. You know what I'm saying? And I was like, man, that really hurt me. That I made her feel that way that she had to say like,

• 1:08:23Speaker 01

  Dad, you might not think this is much, but I'm really proud of myself, right? And my wife said something to me. And she said, um, you know, sometimes, Inc., we can be so focused on who a person can become that we forget to acknowledge who they are and where they are. She's like, sometimes we just gotta acknowledge who they are and where they are. Make it eighty-nine and they gave their best at it. Hey, man, great job. Sometimes they gonna have a ninety-five. Sometimes they gonna have a one oh four, right? But as their father, it's my job to always be supportive, to always be empathetic, to always be understanding.

• 1:09:06Speaker 01

  Of course, correction comes, accountability comes. But at the end of the day, they should always know that I'm gonna be loving, I'm gonna be understanding. And if you do your best and you say that's your best effort, that's enough.

• 1:09:22Lewis Howes?

  That's big, yeah.

• 1:09:22Speaker 01

  I can live with that.

• 1:09:24Lewis Howes?

  One of the things, uh, I think that's beautiful. And one of the things I learned from Kobe when I interviewed him, he said something similar. Like, for one season, when he was like twelve, either eleven, twelve, or thirteen, he played basketball for like a summer league. And he didn't score one point the whole time, like, the whole summer. All the games, he said he didn't score one point. I go, really? And he goes, yeah. And I went to talk to my father. And the reason I knew it was okay is because my dad said that he was gonna love me whether I score all the points or no points. So it gave him permission to even go harder. Because he's like, I'm gonna still feel loved.

• 1:10:01Speaker 01

  No doubt.

• 1:10:01Lewis Howes?

  Even if I fail or don't score or don't do the thing. And he said it was a very powerful experience for him to not score and not succeed and still be loved.

• 1:10:12Speaker 01

  That's strong, man.

• 1:10:13Lewis Howes?

  So I think it's a, you know, it's a good reminder for us. And I think it could go another way where it's like, hey, you can do whatever you want and I still love you. And they're like, okay, I'll just sit around on the couch. So you gotta have some like the drive also inside of you, but you know, you gotta manage that somehow.

• 1:10:28Speaker 01

  No question.

• 1:10:28Lewis Howes?

  No one to push the buttons, but.

• 1:10:30Speaker 01

  Oh, no question, man. No question. You gotta know your people too, right?

• 1:10:33Lewis Howes?

  Exactly.

• 1:10:34Speaker 01

  You gotta know them, man.

• 1:10:35Lewis Howes?

  He was driven also to keep winning, you know, to keep learning, so.

• 1:10:37Speaker 01

  You gotta know your people, man.

• 1:10:39Lewis Howes?

  What's the, the biggest lesson being married has taught you since going through this adversity? Really together and then kind of raising, rising in your career and your kind of celebrity and your personal brand? How has that worked in your marriage?

• 1:10:59Speaker 01

  It's made me realize that my job is not to change my wife. My job is to love my wife unconditionally. You know, because we all involve ourselves, whether it be relationships in terms of personal marriage or relationships in terms of people, friends, you know, compadres, whatever the case may be. Like when I was early in my marriage, you know, me and my wife, I'm sure I did things that got on her nerves. Right? I would be speaking in the mirror when I'm trying to learn how to speak, right? Doing certain things and she did certain things that I was like, man, like. I'm not feeling that, right? And so I had a cousin, right? He got married young.

• 1:11:42Speaker 01

  Louis, I'm talking about young, I'm talking about right when he graduated high school, his joke was married. Been married for years. Wow. Right? And so I called him one day and I'm complaining to him, right? And he been married for a while, I'm complaining. Man, yeah, she does this, then she does this, and I'm really not feeling that. He listened and he was like, um, you know, you do stuff that get on her nerves too, right? Right, right. I was like, yeah, yeah, but man, it's bothering. He was like, man, listen. He's like, your job is not to change your wife. Your job is to love your wife for who she is, like, she got delivered to you, like, your job is to love her. Right? And there was a period in my life because of certain things that I may didn't agree with, and there were certain things she didn't agree with with me.

• 1:12:25Speaker 01

  That I thought I was supposed to present them to her and she was supposed to change them. Because for most of us, when it comes to love, I feel like we love the version of people that suits us. Hmm. Right? We love the version of them that suits us. We don't always love them unconditionally, like who they are unapologetically, who they're not. We don't always love people like that. We love the version of them that suits us and makes us feel well about ourselves. And so for me, in terms of my growth and my marriage, like, I love my wife. Right? Because she not only holds me accountable, right? But she, she makes me better. And we've been rocking since fifth grade and so if though nobody else on the planet earth knows me, she knows me. Right?

• 1:13:08Speaker 01

  She knows when I'm not feeling something, she knows when my energy is off, she knows when I'm having a tough time, she could just sense it. And so for me, it's been my growth and my challenge in terms of just trying to be a better man. Because I look at it like this. Louis, if I get toward the latter years of my life, man, and I journal, like I journal to my wife, I journal to both of my kids, and I journal to myself. I got four journals that I write in every single day, right? That I haven't presented to them yet. Wow. Right? But I just write in them every single day to where I write down why I make decisions, choices, why I do certain things. And the reason I do that is because, you know, when my time comes, right?

• 1:13:51Speaker 01

  And God forbid, something happens, whatever happens. And you know how people come up to people, right, kids, spouse, whatever the case may be. They say, man, let me tell you about your father.

• 1:14:02Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 1:14:03Speaker 01

  Or let me tell you about your husband, right? And you know, I would like to think that my kids and my wife, they're gonna listen. Right, because of the type of people they are. But I also want them to have something that they can refer back to, like a lifeguard.

• 1:14:18Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 1:14:19Speaker 01

  They can say, man, I know exactly who my dad is. I live with him every single day. But also, he left me this, right? That explains our values, our morals, our principles. Why he did certain things, why he lived by certain things, right? Why he made me do certain things, right? Because if I get toward the latter years of my life and, you know, somebody comes up to him and say, man, he was a great athlete. That could be cool, and that's all they talk about, I fail. As a man, as a father, as a person. And so, I want my wife and my children to always know, like, nah, that's a real dude, that's our guy. That's not a public success, but behind closed doors, he's a private failure.

• 1:15:04Speaker 01

  Nah, that's our guy, like, he is who he is. And so, I work just as hard at being a husband and a father than I do at anything else in my life.

• 1:15:16Lewis Howes?

  That's beautiful to hear, man. My dad just passed in February a few months ago. And, thanks, man. And it was, it's kind of a sad thing because he had a, a brain injury. He got a car accident seventeen years ago. So he was in a coma for three months after his accident.

• 1:15:33Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 1:15:33Lewis Howes?

  Then he woke up and he was never the same. You know, he had this brain trauma, a car hit him on top of the forehead, threw his car. And he just, he had to learn how to read, how to write, how to talk again, how to do function as a human. So it was like he was a five-year-old again, almost, in an adult body.

• 1:15:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:15:51Lewis Howes?

  And so emotionally, I wasn't able to connect with him the same way. Eventually, he was able to communicate and you could have normal conversations, but certain things were off where, you know, he would forget a lot. He, you know, so it was the same conversation every time I saw him. It was kind of like, hey, where'd you go to play? You play football in college, right? And he came to every game, right? So he's asking, where'd you go to school again? So we could communicate, but it wasn't all functional. So for seventeen years, I didn't get to have that relationship with him, right? He was there, but it wasn't the same. But he wrote letters that I still have today from, from when I was fifteen.

• 1:16:34Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 1:16:34Lewis Howes?

  And I kept those letters and I get to see the way he thought, the way he loved, the way he learns. And those are very meaningful to me, those letters, to have that because for seventeen years I didn't get anything from him. I didn't get letters, I didn't get a phone call because he just wasn't there mentally, right? So it wasn't his fault, he was just the brain trauma. But those letters are very meaningful.

• 1:16:57Lewis Howes?

  And so that you're, the reason you're doing that, I think it's really powerful, just for you and it's gonna be for them. Another thing, we had his funeral here in February. And all of his old friends came out, who I hadn't seen in a long time. And they got to share stories about who he was back then. Beyond, you know, seventeen years ago, when we kind of remember him before the accident. It was beautiful that they came out and said, this is the man your father really was. And here's how he showed up for me. And this is the type of character he had in the community. And it was really touching and emotional for me to, to meet these older men and, and women who were talking about him that way.

• 1:17:40Lewis Howes?

  Because for seventeen years it was so hard because it was kind of like we lost the man he once was. But those memories didn't die with them, the impact didn't die, the connection didn't die. And so I'm really glad you're doing that for your wife and for your kids, man.

• 1:17:55Speaker 01

  Man, that's the first time I've heard somebody say that they've had something like that.

• 1:17:59Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:00Speaker 01

  That's strong, man.

• 1:18:01Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:18:01Speaker 01

  That's strong.

• 1:18:02Lewis Howes?

  It was beautiful, it made it really meaningful during a time that I couldn't find meaning within seventeen years. It was like, why did this accident happen without, when I felt like I needed him the most? You know what I mean? When I, I got injured in my injury and, and stopped playing right after his injury. And I didn't have him to lean on anymore, so it became this like, challenge. But to hear those stories and to have those letters was a beautiful part of the journey for me. So I'm glad you're doing that, man.

• 1:18:32Speaker 01

  That's strong.

• 1:18:33Lewis Howes?

  I'm really glad you're doing that. If you could only, let's hypothetical, this isn't gonna happen, but say hypothetical scenario, you, you don't get to give those journals to them.

• 1:18:44Lewis Howes?

  And you only get to share one message with your kids.

• 1:18:47Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 1:18:49Lewis Howes?

  What would you say to them? And they could hold on to this message forever, but it can only be one message. What would that message be?

• 1:18:56Speaker 01

  Enjoy every aspect of life. Enjoy every aspect of life and don't waste any experience. Because I feel like for most of us, we enjoy the good parts, right? And for most of us, most days are good days, right? But we often waste experiences that don't show up or turn out the way that we want them to. And I feel like that's a big mistake because in those experiences are some of the greatest lessons and the greatest opportunities to shape and mold us into beautiful people, right? And so when I say enjoy every aspect of life, enjoy everything, ups, downs, successes, failures, highs, lows, like everything, right?

• 1:19:38Speaker 01

  Because in the end, it's the culmination of all of that that shapes Lewis. It's the culmination of all of that that shapes Inc. It's the culmination of all of that that will shape who they will become. And so enjoy all of it. Don't waste any of it, man. On the days where it's great, hit Pitbull race, celebrate it. Days when it's not, celebrate it. It might be hard, but celebrate it, like enjoy it, right? Tough times don't last always. Tough people do. We hear it all the time. But everything passes with time, right? And so I just tell them, enjoy every aspect of life and don't waste experiences.

• 1:20:16Lewis Howes?

  Couple of years ago, I looked up, I was curious to figure out what the, how many people die every day? And I was just Googled it and it said, on average, a hundred fifty thousand people die every day. Or in the world, in the world, right? Just for whatever, every cause.

• 1:20:32Lewis Howes?

  And every time I think of, maybe I'm going through something sad or a challenging moment, I think a hundred fifty thousand people didn't wake up today and I did.

• 1:20:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, man.

• 1:20:41Lewis Howes?

  Just for that reason alone, it's a beautiful day.

• 1:20:43Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 1:20:44Lewis Howes?

  And I think it's any way we can find perspective is powerful. It doesn't mean we shouldn't feel our feelings and we, you know, grieve and go through sadness and cry and all these things don't stop these feelings, but I think it's.

• 1:20:59Lewis Howes?

  You don't want to stay in those feelings forever. Because they hold us back from service. From being there for our loved ones, our friends, our family, our team, our community, and our Creator. And it's like, what can we do with the tools and the skills that our Creator has given us to be of service to the next person?

• 1:21:16Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 1:21:17Lewis Howes?

  Whether it's hundreds of people, millions of people, or one person.

• 1:21:20Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 1:21:21Lewis Howes?

  Focusing on that. Like you said, it's the greatest gift when we give it to someone else, not when we buy something for ourselves.

• 1:21:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, man.

• 1:21:27Lewis Howes?

  And use that with your tools and your story as well. If you could only share one thing with your wife and she didn't get you a journal, what's the thing you'd say to her?

• 1:21:39Speaker 01

  Thing I would say to my wife, this is funny, man, because this past, this past anniversary, our anniversary was in April, and she had to be-

• 1:21:51Lewis Howes?

  How many years?

• 1:21:52Speaker 01

  Uh, we're on 11. And she had to be, um, she had to be in Orlando with my daughter at a cheer competition.

• 1:22:00Lewis Howes?

  You should've said, "Oh, it's our anniversary, where you at?"

• 1:22:02Speaker 01

  And I was with, I was with my son, and so I sent her a little text and a little message, and I was like, "I'm there, I'm there." She was like, "You're not here, like, y'all in Atlanta." So I was like, "No, I'm there, I'm always there. Like, no matter where you go, I'mma always be there." Right? A piece of me will always be with you, and a piece of you will always be with me, right? Because of who we are and how we've grown throughout life. We've been together since we were kids. Like, talking 10 years old.

• 1:22:30Lewis Howes?

  Crazy.

• 1:22:31Speaker 01

  Like, been at it for a long time. And so the one thing that, um, my wife lost both of her parents when she was young. Like, elementary school, she lost both of them, so she was raised by her grandmother. And I always felt like my wife was a gift to me.

• 1:22:49Speaker 01

  Right, because when my wife, you know, even when we was young, I felt like God delivered my wife to me. Like as a gift. That's beautiful. Right, her spirit, right, what she had been through in life, the hurt she had endured. And so I felt like it was always my job to protect her heart, to protect her. She was being raised by a grandmother, grandmother, elderly lady. And so for me with my wife, I always want her to know that you got this, babe. Like I always tell her, you got this. And what you got this is, is everything. You got this, right? As a parent, you got this, right? If there's ever a time when I'm not there, me and my son was in a pretty bad accident last year. Flipped over. Wow.

• 1:23:34Speaker 01

  Like, yeah, man, like, yeah, like flipped over. By the grace of God, we both made it out. I had a little scratch on my arm. Car flipped. Car flipped, bro. Thought it was about to flip off the ramp. Was it icy or snowy or something or what? Raining, storm. Dang. And we both made it out. And I'll never forget. Yeah, it was scary, man. And we got out of the car, I'm getting in the car with my wife. And the whole car is just crying, but she was like pouring, like, man, I almost lost y'all, right? And it was a tough moment, but I remember like just thinking at night, like, man, have I prepared my wife? Like if there was ever a time to where she had to move forward without me.

• 1:24:19Speaker 01

  And so for me, my message to her is always, babe, you got this, right? It's preparation. You got it, right? And so for me, that would be my message to my girl, like if there's ever a time when I'm not present and Lord forbid something happens to me, you got this. Hmm. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, it's like that word we hear when we're young from a coach or a parent. That belief that injects belief in us, right? Like, hey Louis, man, you got this. When you're young, you're trying to figure it out and you remember it, right? Or hey Ink, man, you got this, man. I'm telling you, you know I'm a smaller guy.

• 1:24:53Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:24:54Speaker 01

  Right? And you remember those things, man. It's the simple things in life that people don't think always makes a big difference. That when a person gets alone or a person really needs something like that they can rely on to get through adversity, opposition, or just a rough patch.

• 1:25:08Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:25:09Speaker 01

  You remember things like that. You remembered them letters your father wrote.

• 1:25:12Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely, man.

• 1:25:13Speaker 01

  You know? Like, you remembered that. And so, just sometimes, simple words of, hey, man, you got it. You know?

• 1:25:22Lewis Howes?

  Remember the Titans.

• 1:25:27Lewis Howes?

  I want to, I got a couple of final questions for you, but I want people to follow you. InkyJohnson.com.

• 1:25:32Speaker 01

  Yes, sir.

• 1:25:33Lewis Howes?

  Inky Johnson on social media. Inky Johnson Motivate on Instagram as well. Is that where you spend the most time, Instagram?

• 1:25:40Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, I be on IG and Twitter, man. You know, every day I jump on Twitter and IG, but yeah.

• 1:25:45Lewis Howes?

  Nice.

• 1:25:46Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 1:25:46Lewis Howes?

  We'll make sure to follow you over there. And if anyone listening or watching wants an incredible speaker at one of your events.

• 1:25:53Speaker 01

  Oh, my God.

• 1:25:53Lewis Howes?

  Then make sure to InkyJohnson.com and, uh, and send you an email and.

• 1:25:58Speaker 01

  My God.

• 1:25:59Lewis Howes?

  See if, see if he's available. He's an in-demand guy, you know? You never know when he's available. So make sure you schedule it a year in advance. Get the discount for next year, pay it in advance now. You know what I mean?

• 1:26:09Speaker 01

  School of greatness. You know what I'm saying? That's right.

• 1:26:12Lewis Howes?

  That's it, man. Um, anything else we can do to support you? Besides following you online and checking out your stuff?

• 1:26:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, um, you know, and I won't say this in like a cheesy way, but like, you know, we always look at the world, all of us, right? And when something happens, right? Like, you see the mass shootings that happen, or whatever the case may be. And we all see things that happen in the world, man, and our heart hurts. You know what I'm saying? Whether you see, and we can't control it, you know what I'm saying? Things happen sometimes, it's just out of our control. And you always think about like, man, what can I do? Is there something I can do? And just go out, man, and just be a good person, man. Like, it don't cost nothing to go out and offer a kind word to a person every day. It don't cost nothing to go do a random act of kindness.

• 1:27:05Speaker 01

  It don't cost nothing to go out and just share a word of encouragement to somebody. Like, every day, just doing our part to make the world a better place. It doesn't take anything grand, right? Like, it doesn't take anything special. Just go out every single day and do our part. And just watch the triple effect of that when we go out and we serve. You know what I'm saying? And so just make the world a better place.

• 1:27:29Lewis Howes?

  Be a kind human being.

• 1:27:31Speaker 01

  That's it, man. It don't cost a thing. You know what I'm saying? Just go out and be a good person, man.

• 1:27:36Lewis Howes?

  This question's called the three truths. So imagine, hypothetical, it's your last day on earth, many years away. You get to live as long as you want to live. Hundred, two hundred, however long you want to live, but eventually you gotta turn the lights off.

• 1:27:49Speaker 01

  All right.

• 1:27:50Lewis Howes?

  And you gotta go to the next place. You get to accomplish all your dreams. Live your life, see your kids grow up, all these different things. But for whatever reason, you gotta take all of your message with you. This interview's gone. Anything you create online is gone, books, anything you create, gone.

• 1:28:06Speaker 01

  Got you.

• 1:28:07Lewis Howes?

  The journals are gone. Your family doesn't have the journals, all the other things, another hypothetical.

• 1:28:11Speaker 01

  Right, right.

• 1:28:12Lewis Howes?

  But you get to leave behind three lessons to the whole world. Three things you know to be true from your existence. And that's it. What would you share your three truths?

• 1:28:22Speaker 01

  My three truths would be.

• 1:28:26Speaker 01

  The first one, this too shall pass. Whatever you encounter, whatever you go through, and I say this obviously referring to tough moments, right? This too shall pass, right? Every storm has an expiration date. Every storm runs out of rain. This too shall pass would be the first one. Learn the art of patience, right? Be patient. In the midst of good times and bad times, learn the art of patience. Patience will reveal certain things to you about situations, circumstances, and yourself that you didn't know exist. And always be willing to be empathetic.

• 1:29:05Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:29:05Speaker 01

  Right? For most of us, right, when things happen, we have sympathy for people. Right? Like, oh, man, that's really unfortunate what happened to that person. We have sympathy. I think the power of empathy is when somebody goes through something, or somebody is dealing with something, empathy says, hey, Louis, I'm with you, bro.

• 1:29:28Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:29:29Speaker 01

  You got it.

• 1:29:30Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:31Speaker 01

  I'm gonna walk with you, man. Call me if you need me. That's empathy. Sympathy is, man, you see what Louis is going through? It's tough. I hope he gets through it. Empathy is, hey, bro, I'd be willing to walk through the fire with you if you need it.

• 1:29:46Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:29:47Speaker 01

  Right? Be empathetic.

• 1:29:49Lewis Howes?

  Anki, I'm so grateful we got to connect right now. I hope we do a lot more stuff in the future and hang in the future, man. I want to acknowledge you for your courage. It takes a lot of courage to overcome what you've come from, the pain, the trauma, the identity loss, to transition it into something for good. I think a lot of people hold on to their pain so much, and it becomes their identity moving forward. You used it. You let go of an old identity, and you're using a new identity for good, as opposed to holding on to the pain. So I really acknowledge you for expressing your talents and your gifts with the world in the way that was scary to do. You didn't think you were gonna speak. You had to overcome that fear to even get this skill out there.

• 1:30:31Lewis Howes?

  So I acknowledge you for all the things you've gone through, and most of all, for being a great father, man. I think that's the, the most beautiful part, is hearing your story as a father, which I'm sure you make mistakes and...

• 1:30:41Speaker 01

  Absolutely. Ton of them.

• 1:30:42Lewis Howes?

  But, but stepping up for your kids and, and being a great husband is, is what makes an impact on communities.

• 1:30:49Speaker 01

  Thank you, man.

• 1:30:50Lewis Howes?

  So for you showing up in that way, man, I acknowledge you for that.

• 1:30:53Speaker 01

  Appreciate you. Can I say something to you, man?

• 1:30:54Lewis Howes?

  Sure, brother.

• 1:30:55Speaker 01

  I think as men and as people, we don't, we don't say this enough to each other. But I'm proud of you, bro.

• 1:31:03Lewis Howes?

  Thanks, man.

• 1:31:04Speaker 01

  Proud of you.

• 1:31:04Lewis Howes?

  Appreciate you, man.

• 1:31:05Speaker 01

  Absolutely, from one brother to another, man.

• 1:31:07Lewis Howes?

  Every day, one step at a time.

• 1:31:08Speaker 01

  That's it, bro, that's it.

• 1:31:10Lewis Howes?

  One step at a time, man, thank you, brother. Final question, what's your definition of greatness?

• 1:31:15Speaker 01

  My definition of greatness is, um,

• 1:31:20Speaker 01

  I heard Kobe say something great, and I know you asked mine, but I gotta say this. Said every single day I was pursuing greatness, even though I knew I would probably never catch it. Just the fact that I was willing to pursue it, I would defeat most of my opponents, because they would never pursue something that didn't have any guarantees attached to it. So when I think greatness, I think about having the courage to pursue it. Because most people won't even pursue greatness, because they feel as if it's something that's so far-fetched that they'll never attain it.

• 1:31:51Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:31:52Speaker 01

  I feel true greatness is having the courage to just involve yourself in the pursuit, the process of trying to be your greatest self, right? Self-mastery is the constant pursuit. So being willing to show up every single day and constantly pursue greatness of trying to be our best selves.

• 1:32:08Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 1:32:09Speaker 01

  Yes, sir.

• 1:32:10Lewis Howes?

  Thank you, Johnson, my man. Appreciate you, brother.

• 1:32:12Speaker 01

  My brother.

• 1:32:12Lewis Howes?

  I hope today's episode inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a rundown of today's show with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me, as well as ad-free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel on Apple Podcasts. If you enjoyed this, please share it with a friend over on social media or text a friend, leave us a review over on Apple Podcasts, and let me know what you learned over on our social media channels, at Lewis Howes. I really love hearing the feedback from you, and it helps us continue to make the show better. And if you want more inspiration from our world-class guests and content to learn how to improve the quality of your life, then make sure to sign up for the Greatness newsletter

• 1:32:56Lewis Howes?

  and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com/newsletter. And if no one has told you today, I want to remind you that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now, it's time to go out there and do something great.