Everything You Want In Life Comes When You Let Go | Lewis Howes

Lewis opens with a confession: he built a successful business, a massive audience, and a full life on paper and still couldn't enjoy any of it because he was building from fear, not freedom. That same trap is what keeps so many driven people stuck, running faster on a treadmill that leads nowhere. When you tie your identity to outcomes and try to control every result, every person's opinion, and every timeline, you cut yourself off from the very abundance you're chasing. In this solo episode, Lewis walks you through five specific things to release, from the outcome obsession to the timeline pressure society puts on you, so you can finally stop suffering through your own story. The shift is not about working less; it is about moving with more peace, more clarity, and more faith than you have ever allowed yourself to have. Make Money Easy: Create Financial Freedom and Live a Richer Life The Greatness Mindset: Unlock the Power of Your Mind and Live Your Best Life Today The Mask of Masculinity: How Men Can Embrace Vulnerability, Create Strong Relationships, and Live Their Fullest Lives The School of Greatness: A Real-World Guide to Living Bigger, Loving Deeper, and Leaving a Legacy In this episode you will: Recognize the hidden ways control is showing up in your life and what it is actually costing you Release your obsession with outcomes so you can stop blocking what is actually meant for you Break free from other people's opinions by getting clear on whose voice truly deserves space in your head Shed the old version of yourself that kept you safe but is now keeping you stuck Let go of society's timeline so you can stop suffering and start trusting the season you are in For more information go to https://lewishowes.com/1906 For more Greatness text PODCAST to +1 (614) 350-3960 Follow The Daily Motivation for essential highlights from The School of Greatness More SOG episodes we think you’ll love: Eckhart Tolle Tony Robbins MrBeast Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Lewis Howes?

  If you aren't achieving the success you want in life, if you don't feel like abundance is flowing, if you don't feel like you have peace, it's because you are trying to remain in control of everything. And that's one of your biggest problems. And the moment I stopped trying to control everything was the exact moment my life actually started to work. It actually started to flow and feel more abundant. Because that's what you deserve as well. More abundance, more financial opportunities, better relationships and real peace. And it all showed up when I learned the power of letting go rather than giving up. And there's a big distinction here. And I know that sounds backwards, but everything we're taught says you've got to work harder. You've got to push more. You've got to hustle harder.

• 0:45Lewis Howes?

  You've got to grind. You've got to do whatever it takes. But there's a better way for you to frame this in your mind. So today I'm going to break down the five things that you need to let go of so that you can finally step into the life you've been trying to create, but just haven't seen the results you're looking for. And I know this feels a little bit counterintuitive. And I get asked all the time, Lewis, isn't hustle and control what gets you to the top? Well, that feels right, doesn't it? Well, our culture rewards this kind of grind mentality. But here's the truth, and I had to learn this the hard way. Hustling without healing first is just spinning your wheels faster. I spent years being so disciplined.

• 1:30Lewis Howes?

  I was like, first one up, last one out, working harder, do the extra mile, the extra rep. I was the most disciplined, the most driven person in the room. And yet I still felt empty. I still felt like something was off for me. And the problem wasn't just my work ethic. It was that I was operating from a place of fear. And not from freedom. And if that resonates with you, if you're operating from a place of fear or anxiety or stress or overwhelmed or burnout instead of freedom, then you're going to be having the same challenges as well because control feels like strength, but it's actually the thing that's keeping you from everything you want.

• 2:12Lewis Howes?

  So the first step, step one is to recognize what you're actually controlling. And I get asked these questions a lot. One of them is, how do you even know if control is the issue? Well, the answer is, most people don't think of themselves as control freaks, even though we all know that one friend who is an extreme control freak. Instead, they think of themselves as just being responsible, of having to just be a responsible human being and take on the burden and things like that. But here's the tell, if you can't rest without guilt, oh, it's a big one, if you can't rest without guilt, if you need to know every outcome before you even take a step, that the outcome is going to happen.

• 2:57Lewis Howes?

  And if you micromanage the people around you, then that is control. Let me share that one more time. If you can't rest without feeling guilty. Listen, I know a lot of people in my life that feel like they have to always be working, otherwise they feel guilty. If you need to know every outcome before you take the first step, this used to be me. And if you micromanage the people around you, then that's a sense of control, like you need to have control on everything. And control shows up in your relationships also. It shows up in your business. And it even shows up in how you receive love. That's right. How we receive love. You know, those people that want to control even how they receive love. It's crazy. You're not controlling because you're strong.

• 3:41Lewis Howes?

  You're controlling because somewhere along the way, letting go felt dangerous. It felt scary. You felt out of control and therefore you wanted to reclaim the control. But the first step is just being honest enough to see it inside of yourself. This is a time to reflect, to ask yourself these questions, to say, is, is any of this making sense to me? And this was my personal wake up call. I had built a successful business. I had built a massive audience and I had built a full life on paper, but I was exhausted. I was really anxious. I was stressed out. I was worried what people thought. I couldn't delegate. I couldn't trust. I didn't think anyone could do it better than me. All these things, I had a big ego thinking I've got to do all this.

• 4:26Lewis Howes?

  No one else knows this like me. I couldn't even enjoy what I had built. I built some things that my younger self would have been like, wow, you actually did that. My younger self would have been like, that's the coolest thing ever. And I still couldn't even enjoy what I had built. And what my younger self thought was the coolest thing ever. And a mentor looked at me one day and said, you're building from a place of fear, not vision. And when they said that, it really just boom, it was like, okay. Maybe I am, maybe I'm building from a place of fear or anxiety or not enoughness or like, and it was kind of like every big goal that I would accomplish, I wouldn't even be able to celebrate it. If that speaks to you, let me know.

• 5:08Lewis Howes?

  Like, I wouldn't be able to celebrate it because I was like, all right, I still don't feel now enough. So now I need to go even bigger. So maybe I would take like 10, 20 minutes of like, I did it. But then I'd feel like this empty depressed feeling. And it was like so confusing to me because some of these things took years and decades to accomplish. And yet, when I would accomplish them, I still wasn't happy. And I needed more. That was the next thing. It was like the next outcome I needed to accomplish. And I realized I wasn't leading my life. I was managing it and there's a difference. The end of step one is to recognize what you're actually controlling. But step two is a big one. It's to let go of the outcome.

• 5:53Lewis Howes?

  Now here's a question for you. Once you see the pattern, what is the first real thing you need to release? And the answer that I would share with you is that the outcome is the biggest thing you need to release. The obsession with how things have to look is something you have to release. And this was my big mistake for a long time. Cause I cared only about the goal, only about the outcome. And it had to be a certain way. Otherwise I was a failure and my identity was tied to that success or failure. You see, we get so attached to the specific path that we miss better opportunities trying to force the one that we planned.

• 6:33Lewis Howes?

  I've had business ideas that I was certain about that I was like, this is go to work and flopped like and didn't work and spent a lot of time, money, energy, investment that I never got back. And I've had things I did with zero expectations that changed everything and ended up creating new doors of opportunities. God has a bigger plan than your goals. God has a bigger plan than your spreadsheet. God has a bigger plan than all of it. And when you release the outcome, you stop blocking the thing that's actually meant for you. I need this to be a bumper sticker in your mind. When you release the outcome, you stop blocking the things that are actually meant

• 7:18Lewis Howes?

  for you because you're designed for something greater. And sometimes we're limited on the goals we actually create for ourselves, or sometimes it's not the right goal. We might think it is, we might feel like it is, and maybe it's guiding you. Maybe it's guiding you to start pursuing something where you needed to learn those lessons, where you needed to learn those skills, where you needed to have someone walk all over you so you could create a boundary for the next season of your life. And that's what this is all about. It's not about accomplishing the goal. Yes, maybe the goal will be accomplished for you if you do the right things, if you continue to fall through and take the actions. Maybe that does come true, and I hope it does. But maybe it's the pathway to something

• 8:00Lewis Howes?

  greater. Maybe it's the, the thing that you actually needed to go for to realize that wasn't meant for you, and that's okay. You needed to learn about failure. You need to learn about disappointment. You need to learn about who are the right friends for you and who is against you for the next season, a bigger, more important season of your life. All these things were maybe meant for you on this path that you had towards this goal and this outcome. It's not about the outcome. Another question is, how do you stay motivated if you're not thinking of the outcome? Because most of my life, I was motivated by outcome, outcome, I want to accomplish this goal. And the goal I cared about so much that I was willing to obsess over the process.

• 8:43Lewis Howes?

  And I would accomplish it, you know, that would work for me. But I just wasn't fulfilled when I would accomplish those goals. So, because I was creating from fear. So it's not about the outcome. Then how do you stay motivated if you're not thinking about that goal? Well, you shift from outcome driven to process driven. And this is hard to do. But when you do it, everything unlocks. It's like you have this sense of peace and you take things in 24 hour cycles, not in the next two to four years of trying to accomplish some goal. You take it day by day, moment by moment. And you fall in love with simply who you're becoming, who you are in this moment. And the commitments you make to yourself, keeping your word, keeping your habits in track,

• 9:26Lewis Howes?

  not falling back into old patterns, not doing things that go against a process of becoming a better version of you. And when you fall in love with who you are, who you're becoming on a daily basis, not just what you're building, that's when the work stops feeling like pressure and starts feeling like purpose. Oh, it's a beautiful thing to feel. Now, this doesn't mean you're not still going to be thinking about the goals and the accomplishments and the, the things you want as the outcome. I have big goals, big dreams, and you have to organize time and you have to schedule and you have to map out and all these different things. It doesn't mean you're going to keep your eye off the prize, but you're going to let go of the outcome and the results. And this is one of the hardest things to do because our ego wants the outcome.

• 10:10Lewis Howes?

  Our identity wants the outcome. We want to feel certain, knowing that the actions we're going to take are going to give us this outcome. And if they don't, is it going to be a waste? That we just waste six months or six years or decades trying to accomplish an outcome, trying to get a result that we failed at? If we fail at it, am I a failure? All these doubts and insecurities start to come in. And this is hard. I get it because you have to detach your ego and your identity from the day to day process and the outcomes, whether they come or they don't come. Attachment to the outcome is fear. Commitment to the process is faith.

• 10:57Lewis Howes?

  And no one likes to talk about this stuff because it's not enjoyable. Because we have to really detach. We have to detach from the outcome. And say to ourselves, if I put in this much work and I follow all these right actions. And I do my habits and I have a good attitude and I'm generous and giving and I'm like, not giving into temptations and I don't fall off on my diet and I do all these things, but I don't get the outcome? Then what was all this for? Why did I work so hard? Why didn't I just relax and you know, eat whatever I wanted to eat and spend however I want to spend? Why am I so disciplined? Well, you know, a lazy unmotivated person who doesn't work hard is not going to be a happy, fulfilled person.

• 11:42Lewis Howes?

  You want to have a pursuit. You want to have something that gives you more meaning and fulfillment. But it's the art of becoming a better version of you. The art of letting go of the past version of you is the key. And that is the end of step two, letting go of the outcome. Now, step three is another big one. And that is the ability to let go of other people's opinions. So here's a question I get, and there's a sneaky version of control that most people don't notice. It's the need to control how others see you. So how do you overcome this? Well, the answer is, is this is not easy because this one kept me stuck for many years.

• 12:25Lewis Howes?

  This was one of my biggest fears, biggest insecurities, was worrying about the opinions of other people. What are people thinking about me? What do they say about me? If I posted this in a certain way, I might have negative comments. A lot of times, early in my business career, I was performing. I was over analyzing. I was, you know, worried. And I was performing for my audience, for my peers, for people I didn't even know and people I didn't even care to like. And when you need to manage how every person perceives you, you're not living your life, you're not in flow, you're not in freedom, you're casting yourself in a movie for other people. And the moment I stopped trying to be impressive and started really just,

• 13:09Lewis Howes?

  how can I be myself, be honest, be vulnerable? Everything started to shift, everything started to change. And it doesn't mean I stopped getting, you know, people's negative comments or opinions or judgments about me. People are going to judge you no matter what you do. People are going to judge you whether you're sleeping on your sister's couch doing nothing, or you're going through the biggest dreams in the world. So you might as well go for the biggest dreams in the world because that's a more enjoyable life. But the most viral type of content, the most shared stuff, the most impactful content I've ever made has come from moments where I was a little bit terrified, a little bit scared, a little bit worried, oh, man. Should I really be this vulnerable? Should I really be this honest?

• 13:53Lewis Howes?

  Should I be really be this authentic version of me for people to see? What if they don't like me? What if they don't love me? What if they don't accept me? Oh, man. When you can overcome that fear and do it anyway, it's going to be a game changer because people don't connect with your highlight reel. They connect with your truth. They connect with who you really are. And who you really are is messy. It's not perfect. You're going to make mistakes. You're going to need to own them. You're going to need to improve. You're going to need to overcome things. Like, we're not perfect human beings. I can raise both my hands and both my feet up at the same time and say that I've made tons of mistakes in my past in every stage and season of life and every year of life.

• 14:36Lewis Howes?

  Like, there's not been one year where I haven't made mistakes. And I've had to say, okay, how do I be better? How do I own this? How to be more responsible, all these things? The fear should not be, what are people going to think about me? The goal should be asking yourself, how do you actually stop caring? You don't stop caring completely. That's not real. We live in a society where, you know, relationships are key. Like, you need people to bond with you. You need friends. You need family. You need like peers. You need to be able to get things done. You need, you know, we live in a society that isn't about being isolated and alone all the time. So you don't stop caring completely because that's not real.

• 15:19Lewis Howes?

  But you get clear on whose opinion actually matters. You get clear on what critics you want to listen to. I saw this quote online recently that said,

• 15:30Lewis Howes?

  never listen to constructive criticism by someone who's never constructed anything. And so I thought that was funny because we get so worried about like the opinions of, I don't know, 10, 20, 35 people online who just say something critical. But are those the people that have actually built something? Are those people actually going to buy anything from you anyways? Are they going to help you in your business, your career? No. So why spend all of your time trying to please a few critics who've never built anything? Who will never give you financially, support your goals, help you? Or promote you? Like, why care about helping those people or worrying about what those people think about you?

• 16:16Lewis Howes?

  If they can't do anything for you anyways? Why try to convince people? Hey, here's why you should like me. Like, that's not good energy. You know, that's not, that's like clingy energy. It's like, hey, please love me, please like me. It's like, you know, that's not standing in your power and just saying, okay, thank you for your feedback and move on or say nothing. You know, you get clear on whose opinion actually matters to you. And that's your inner circle. That's the people who have similar values. And that's God. And everyone else is just noise. It doesn't mean they're bad or anything. It's like, the people that are for you, like, great, they can be for you. The people that are against you or critical of you? Okay, like, they're critical of you. And so what?

• 17:01Lewis Howes?

  Now, again, you don't want to do things intentionally to, you know, upset people. You don't want to do anything out of integrity or things like that. You want to be the best version of you, but being the best version of you, going for your goals. Is going to require courage from you putting yourself out there. It's going to require you to risk, to be open, to be vulnerable, to actually connect with other human beings. And that means it's not always perfect. It might be messy, you might make mistakes. It's about how you respond to that by being authentic and better version of yourself afterwards, which really matters. So I want to, I want you to ask yourself, am I making this decision from love or from the fear of judgment? That question will change your life based on what you want to do moving forward.

• 17:46Lewis Howes?

  Am I making this decision based on love or fear of judgment from others, what other people think about me? It's going to change the game. And it doesn't mean it's easy, but it's going to be worth it. So the end step three is to let go of other people's opinions about you. Very hard to do, challenging to do. If you've been a recovering people pleaser like myself, it's hard to confront people. It's hard to do all those things if you've never done it before. It takes practice. So give yourself some grace if you haven't done it up until this moment yet, but moving forward, it's time for you to take action. Step number four, let go of the old version of yourself. Here's a question.

• 18:31Lewis Howes?

  I talk a lot about identity. How does that connect to control? Identity is one of the biggest factors of your life. How you identify with yourself will determine whether you have self-belief, whether you are accountable, whether you take action, whether you hold standards, whether you stay consistent on your word. All these things is based on your interpretation with your own identity. I love this quote from Dr. Joe Dispenza. He says, "Your personality is your personal reality." Let me say that again. He said that, sitting right here on the School of Greatness.

• 19:15Lewis Howes?

  He said, "Your personality is your personal reality. Your personality is also tied to your identity." So if your identity is your personality, what you believe you are, what you believe you are capable of being and creating in the world is tied to the results you will also have in the world. It's tied to the levels of love, levels of joy, levels of personal freedom, levels of inner peace. Levels of creativity are tied to your personality and your identity. Your identity unlocks the opportunities in your life. Your personality is your personal reality. Think about that. Reflect on that.

• 19:58Lewis Howes?

  If your your personal personality is chaotic and all over the place, then your personal reality will reflect that personality. If your identity is constantly doubting yourself, if you say, I'm never going to be good enough, you hold on to that identity, you're claiming your identity, I'm never going to be good enough, I'm never going to be smart enough, I'm never going to be talented enough, no one will ever love me. If that is identity, those those thoughts, those words, and those actions and behaviors back that belief, that is your identity. You're going to create opportunities in life that back your identity.

• 20:39Lewis Howes?

  You're going to see, ah, see, I never get chosen, I never get picked, I never get selected, no one ever loves me, everyone always breaks my heart, you know, I'm always screwed financially. When you're going to identify and own that identity, your brain is designed to confirm that identity as your personal reality. So we need to be shifting the way our personality is in some ways, that doesn't mean the essence of you has to change. If you're charismatic, it doesn't mean you have to stop being charismatic, but it does mean you have to look within to ask yourself, is this personality trait of mine serving

• 21:19Lewis Howes?

  me to feel more levels of joy, more levels of love, peace, freedom, creativity, adventure, whatever it is you're looking to create, is my personality serving and supporting what I want in my life? So how does our identity connect to control? Well, the answer is when we hold on to an old identity, we're trying to control who we're allowed to become. Again, when we hold on to this old identity, this old belief, this old personality. We're trying to control who we're allowed to become, who we're meant to become. And again, I built an identity around being the tough guy. And when I was picked on and made fun of when I was a kid, I was like, never again.

• 22:03Lewis Howes?

  I'm gonna get so big, so strong, so talented, so gifted, so athletic, that no one will ever choose me last again. No one will ever make fun of me again, et cetera. And that was part of a wound that for many years, whenever I was criticized, again, this is from my own personal experience, whenever I was criticized in the past, I needed to defend myself. I needed to prove them wrong. And I did. I defended myself. I proved them wrong by accomplishing everything I wanted. But I still didn't feel good because I was created from a wound, not from a healed place.

• 22:37Lewis Howes?

  I needed to be the athlete, the one who didn't need anyone, all these things. I did it all on my own. And that identity kept me safe when I was younger, but I was carrying it into rooms and into seasons of life where it was actually holding me back to new levels of freedom, new levels of peace. So I had to learn how to grieve who I had become so that I could be who I was meant to be. And when you've carried an identity for years, decades, like, it's hard to let that go because you're like, huh, but this has helped me get here. This has helped me survive. But surviving does not mean thriving. It doesn't mean peace. It doesn't mean abundance. It means you could get some certain results. It means you could organize your life and time and

• 23:22Lewis Howes?

  calculate things and accomplish. But if you accomplish without feeling peace, if you accomplish and you still don't feel enough, then you'll never feel enough because no accomplishment bigger is gonna make you feel like you're worthy of love and peace. And that's what you need to know. It's terrifying because the old version feels certain. It feels familiar. But just because it's familiar doesn't mean it's freedom. Just because you've done it for so long, doesn't mean it needs to be there in the future. The new version feels like a risk. It feels scary because it's unfamiliar. It's unknown. And that is, that is scary, man. You've got to have real courage.

• 24:04Lewis Howes?

  So what does it actually look like to shed that old identity? And this is something I love talking about on this show. The big thing you need to do is start making new decisions that the newer version of you would make before you feel actually ready. You act as if it's already happening. You act as if, okay, the greater version of me that has peace, freedom, abundance, joy, love, acceptance, that isn't bothered, that has thicker skin, all these things. What is he or she doing? How does he or she acting? How does he or she identify as? What is their personality? You have to start shifting it.

• 24:48Lewis Howes?

  You have to act as if it's already happening now. It's tough because you've never done it before. I get it. This is not like this easy thing happens overnight. It's a process. It's something you build momentum over time. You show up differently before it actually feels different. You may not feel safe. You may not feel abundant. You may not feel all these things and you may not feel scared that, oh, I've always tried to people, please. Now, if I start sharing my voice, I'm going to ruffle some feathers. But that's what it's going to require for the greatest version of you to step into is you doing those things consistently and shifting and forming a new personality and a new identity around your life. You start telling a new story about yourself out loud until it becomes the one you actually believe.

• 25:32Lewis Howes?

  For a long time, I had a story about myself that I would speak about that was disempowering. That was, these people hurt me. This, this person did this to me. All these things that I was living from a victim. Now I can share the story from an empowered and healed place. And I can say, these things happened and here's how I overcame them. They no longer define me, just like your past should no longer define you by limiting you. It should only define you by empowering you to say, hey, this happened and I learned to overcome it. I learned skills to regulate my emotions because of it, not live in survival mode and victim mode anymore. And I learned how to truly overcome that.

• 26:17Lewis Howes?

  Not to say this never happened and to bury my past, but to say it was unfortunate it happened, but I've become so much stronger because of it. And now because of it, I have more skills. I have more wisdom. I have more experience. And I can serve and impact other people around me with that wisdom. And I can make better decisions now because I've learned this wisdom at this season of life. And I'm no longer that little boy or little girl that has this identity that I got picked on or that I was taken advantage of, or that I was abused, or that I was neglected, or whatever it was that your story is. I know you've been through some challenging things as well, and it's not fun.

• 27:00Lewis Howes?

  But when you can realize that the story doesn't need to define you by staying stuck in the past, that you can actually start healing the past, that you can start rewriting that story for a greater version of you now, for a greater future for you as well, that's when freedom happens. Because until you rewrite the story, you will always be stuck in your old identity. Until you learn to regulate your emotions and integrate the lessons from the past to feeling safe of the present in those same types of situations that trigger you about the past, you will always be stuck in the past. So you've got to learn to rewrite the old story

• 27:43Lewis Howes?

  by rewiring your emotions and your mindset when you are triggered. You've got to allow the nervous system and the body to heal. You've got to allow yourself to come to a place of, I can take care of me in these situations. When I feel someone's neglecting me or bullying me, I can stand up for me without allowing it to trigger me from the past. That takes practice. That takes repetition. That takes exposure therapy and then integrating the lessons and the healing so you feel emotionally, psychologically safe in those moments. This doesn't mean it's all going to happen overnight. But it needs to happen for you to create a greater version of yourself. So you need to start telling a new story about yourself out loud.

• 28:28Lewis Howes?

  Until it becomes the one you actually believe. And when you keep telling the story of the past, without being a reflection of I have wisdom now and I no longer do these things. It's always going to hurt you. Identity shifts happen through action. Not just intention, not just thinking and analyzing, but action. And that is the key differentiator. So the end of step four is to let go of the old version of yourself. And that takes action consistently.

• 29:02Lewis Howes?

  Step five, let go of the timeline. The timeline, oh, man, this is a. I've had to learn this one probably the hard way so many times. Cause there was so many times that I wanted to accomplish this big goal. Within like a month or like six months or a year. When the impatient person in me just wants results yesterday, not, not even like a month from now, it's like, okay, I have this goal. Why didn't it happen yesterday? I don't know if anyone else can relate to this. But I've had, you know, my first book, I wanted to be a New York Times bestseller. It took me eight years. From the moment I had this idea of becoming a New York Times bestseller

• 29:46Lewis Howes?

  to it actually happening. And I needed to write a couple of other books before that one actually happened. But I wanted it to happen within the first year. And I was like, I'm not going to write this book unless I know it's going to be a New York Times bestseller. I wasn't ready. I wasn't good enough. I wasn't talented enough. I didn't have the skills, the experience. If it would have happened, I would have blown the opportunity. I wasn't ready. And that's okay. So I had this goal and it didn't happen until eight years later. I had to learn skills. I learned how to learn humility. I had to learn patience. I had to like really get reps. I had to learn how to write all these things. And that took time. And even then it wasn't ever guaranteed it was going to happen.

• 30:28Lewis Howes?

  Some of you have heard this story, but I've had a goal of being an Olympian. My entire life, I've wanted to go to the Olympics. At first, I thought I was going to be in track and field because I was an All-American decathlete. And I was like, oh, wow. Maybe I could go to the Olympics as a decathlete. But I knew it was going to take years more after college of training, of repetition. It's probably going to take another eight years. And because I wasn't going to be able to get it for the next Olympic cycle in four years. I knew I needed a lot more training on certain events. But I was like, huh, could I do this in eight years? But for whatever reason, I was like, it's going to take all of my life. It's going to consume me and it's going to be hard to make money. It's going to be hard to have a job on the side because I would need to put so much into training.

• 31:13Lewis Howes?

  So how am I going to survive if I have no money? So that dream left me, but a few years later, I saw handball on the Olympics for the first time in 2008. And I said, oh, this is my pathway. I actually think that I could do it in handball rather than track and field, rather than the decathlon. It was also a lot more competitive in decathlon. There were so many great athletes. And I was like, oh, USA team handball. This was in 2008. I am now 18 years, my friend, in this journey of this timeline of wanting to go and play in the Olympics for USA team handball. I have been on an 18 year journey.

• 31:58Lewis Howes?

  First, I wanted it to happen in four years. Then I was hoping it was eight years. Then I was hoping it was 12. Then I was hoping it was 16 because I was hoping we would qualify for the Olympics. And one of those four year cycles. It is now 18 years in the timeline process of having this big dream, this big goal. My entire life I've had. And then when I saw it in 2008 for the first time, I said, all right, what do I need to do to make this happen? Within two years, I moved my entire life from Columbus, Ohio to New York City to go learn the sport. I had to move mountains. I had to change my lifestyle, change my identity to pursue the dream without the goal, without the outcome guaranteed.

• 32:43Lewis Howes?

  Then I had to move all around the world to play with the national team. Multiple years, over a decade of time, doing this while running a business, while being in relationships and find ways to compete at the highest level possible. It has not been convenient. It has not happened on my timeline. It has not been the way I've wanted it. But man, have I become better as a person over the last 18 years on the journey. The process has given me wisdom, experience, lessons, the relationships I've met, the, the, the things I've been able to do without that, that outcome happening has been priceless. You've got to let go of the timeline.

• 33:27Lewis Howes?

  It doesn't mean I didn't want it to happen 18 years ago, 16 years ago, 12 years ago, eight years ago, four. It doesn't mean I didn't also want them to happen, but you've got to be willing to let go of the timeline and let God's timeline be perfect for you. It's hard when you want to control things, you want it to be your way. It's just not always going to be that way.

• 33:49Lewis Howes?

  And the last one I think is that caused, again, the most suffering is this. This has caused the most silent suffering for so many people. How do you let go of the pressure you put on yourself around your goals timeline? And the answer I will give you is we are obsessed with being on schedule for a life that nobody else designed. We are obsessed and society puts a lot of this pressure on us. You've got to be married by this age. You've got to have a business or have a career at this level by this milestone. You've got to figure it all out by this specific year. You've got to have kids by this year. And when life doesn't match the timeline or when society goes against the timeline,

• 34:33Lewis Howes?

  we decide something is wrong with us. But I'm telling you, nothing is wrong with you. Nothing is wrong with you because you are being prepared. My friend, you've got to understand this. You are being developed. You're being prepared. You are being forged. And some of the best things in my life arrived years later than I planned and exactly when I was ready. One of them being Martha, my wife. I don't know why I just get chills thinking about it, but you know, who knows 20 years ago, had I met Martha and had we had our twin girls 20 years ago, I'm sure I would have figured something out, right? But I just can go back

• 35:13Lewis Howes?

  in my identity and personality 20 years back. And I was an idiot. I was a, I was a dumb, I was like, I was an idiot. I was making mistakes left and right. I wasn't emotionally, psychologically, financially prepared for a woman as incredible as my wife Martha. Like, I would have blown it. I would have done things that I would have been proud of. I wouldn't have been present because I would have been going off doing other stuff. And I think I just would have messed it up. It was perfect, the timeline when it came, because I felt like I'd done so much healing work. I felt like I was prepared. I felt like I was ready for it. And it doesn't mean like some things aren't going to come for

• 35:55Lewis Howes?

  you also when you, when you feel like you're not ready and they're going to force you to accelerate that learning. But I really don't think I would have been ready for her 10, 15, 20 years ago. I wouldn't have been ready for fatherhood. Sure, could I have stumbled through it and made it work? Sure. But I don't think I would have been as ready the way I am now for all that comes with this while running a business at a high level, while staying in peak athletic shape that I can be in, while doing all the things I'm trying to do for the world as well. And so, some of the best things in my life arrived years later than I planned and exactly when I was ready. And they will for you as well.

• 36:38Lewis Howes?

  And the question I get is, how do you make peace with where you are while still being driven toward where you're going?

• 36:47Lewis Howes?

  Here's the thing for me, I always go back to this answer. And it is gratitude and generosity are the gateway to abundance. Gratitude and generosity, it's the answer every time. And this is like just going back into the basics and the fundamentals. And I know you've heard this a million times. And I know you probably wanted to hear something else, but gratitude and generosity are the gateway to abundance. They are the gateway to personal fulfillment, to personal freedom, to connection, to intimacy, to relationships. They are the gateway to all things good in your life. Gratitude and impatience cannot live in the same body. You can be grateful for today and still hungry for tomorrow.

• 37:30Lewis Howes?

  That's not a contradiction, that's the actual formula. And when you release the timeline, you stop suffering through your own story. This is the key. You stop suffering. And I want you to stop suffering. So step five is to let go of the timeline. It's one of the hardest things to do. And as a guy who lives in sports and who lives in, you know, winning and losing and seasons and schedules like, it's so hard to do in, in life. Specifically of an athlete mindset. Because it's confusing about wins and losses. It's the end of the year, the national championship is coming up. And we want to go there, we want to accomplish these big things.

• 38:11Lewis Howes?

  But you've got to let go of the timeline. And I want to give you a challenge right now. This is a 30 day letting go challenge. Now, this is going to be big and I want you to take action. If you feel all of this, but you don't know where to start, you may be wondering, what does action actually look like? And I'm telling you, you've got to start by being honest with yourself. So what I want you to do is I want you to write down every area of your life where you feel stuck, where you feel anxious, overwhelmed, tense, fearful. I want you to write it down. And that tension is not motivation. That's control. That's a sense of fear. That's a sense of insecurity.

• 38:56Lewis Howes?

  That's a sense of a lack of healing. And you can't release what you haven't named. So, once you've done that, I want you to pick the one thing you've been holding on to the most. And I want you to ask yourself what you're actually afraid happens if you let go of it. What are you afraid of that will actually happen if you let go of this? And most of the time, the fear, it's not even real. It's just old. It's just familiar. It's just something you've been living with for so long. Every single day, make at least one decision that the newer, greater, more empowering version of you would actually make. And it doesn't have to be this big thing, but it needs to be one thing.

• 39:36Lewis Howes?

  One honest conversation, one boundary, one moment where you choose peace over performance or people pleasing. And close every day with gratitude for where you are right now, not where you're trying to get, not the outcome, not the timeline, anything else. But just where you are today and what you focused on today as part of this 30 day challenge. Because if you can't appreciate the present, you'll never feel like you're enough when you arrive at the future. Who? If you can't appreciate the present, you will never feel like you're enough when you arrive at the future.

• 40:15Lewis Howes?

  I want you to do those four things consistently for 30 days and you won't just feel different. You'll be a different person. That's the key. Because it's not about thinking about it, analyzing it. It's about the daily actions. You do that consistently. It will compound. You will feel and be a different human being. Your personality will shift and therefore your personal reality will become different. You'll start to see opportunities. Your identity will shift from an old identity that doesn't serve you to one that is empowering and does serve you. And you'll see around you new possibilities because of the new personality and the new identity you've chosen to step into on a daily basis.

• 41:00Lewis Howes?

  The people I admire the most in this world, the ones with real freedom, real love, real wealth.

• 41:08Lewis Howes?

  And I'm not talking about they have millions of dollars in the bank, but real inner wealth. They've all learned this lesson. Some of them learned it early. They got lucky. A lot of them learned it the hard way, like myself. And you don't have to wait for a crisis to make the shift. I waited for many crises in my life. That's when I started to wake up. You don't have to do that. And I urge you, don't wait till there's a breakup. There's a breakdown. There's a business loss. There's a financial crisis, like health crisis. Don't wait for a crisis to make a shift. You can decide today that you trust yourself enough to release what isn't working, that you trust life enough to stop controlling every corner of it.

• 41:52Lewis Howes?

  And the version of you that has everything you want right now is not hustling harder. They are moving with more peace, more clarity, more faith than you've ever allowed yourself to have. That version is available to you today. But you've got to be willing to let go of control. I hope this has been valuable for you. If it has, please make sure to like this video, subscribe to our channel, leave a comment below of your biggest takeaway of what spoke to you or resonated the most. Share this with a friend. And I want to remind you, if no one's told you lately that you are loved, you are worthy and you matter. I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness.

• 42:37Lewis Howes?

  Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally, as well as ad-free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel exclusively on Apple Podcasts. Share this with a friend on social media and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts as well. Let me know what you enjoyed about this episode in that review. I really love hearing feedback from you and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward. And I want to remind you, if no one has told you lately that you are loved, you are worthy and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.