Allison Holker OPENS UP: Navigating Grief, The Greatest LESSONS From tWitch & Finding Her Purpose

Please welcome Allison Holker, a pro dancer, on-air personality, and Emmy-nominated choreographer, known for her incredible performances on Dancing with the Stars and as a host of Design Star: Next Gen. She's here to talk about her new children's book, "Keep Dancing Through: A Boss Family Groove," which she co-authored with her late husband, Stephen "tWitch" Boss. We'll dive into their family's daily rituals, the role of dance in their lives, and what's next for Allison. But first, make sure to buy her new book for yourself and a couple friends. In this episode you will learnHow to effectively utilize affirmations during challenging times and maintain positivity despite adverse circumstances. Insights into emotional processing and learn whether it's beneficial to fully experience your emotions or to maintain a level of detachment. The consequences of lingering in negative emotions and how to navigate them towards a more positive mental state. The journey of self-discovery, comparing who Allison was a year ago to who she is now, and how significant life events have shaped her identity. How to gain a deeper understanding of how personal faith and the sense of divine protection can evolve through life's trials and tribulations, and how this shapes one's purpose and resilience. You can listen to our tribute episode to Allison’s late husband Stepen tWitch Boss – https://link.chtbl.com/1364-podFor more information go to www.lewishowes.com/1569For more Greatness text PODCAST to +1 (614) 350-3960 Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Lewis Howes?

  Hey my friend, thank you so much for being here. I wanted to ask you for a quick request before we get started with today's episode. Apple decided to shake things up a bit, and you may no longer be following the School of Greatness, but luckily, there's an easy fix. So really quick, if you can, double check for me that you're not missing out on greatness. Just go to your app on Apple Podcast and hit Follow on the top right-hand corner of the School of Greatness show page on Apple Podcast. Once you click the Follow button on the top right corner, you're all set to get updated with the latest in greatness here from the School of Greatness. And if you haven't already, make sure to leave a quick review while you're there. Your thoughts matter to me. I read all of the reviews and I'm so grateful that you're here. Thanks so much. Now, let's jump into this episode.

• 0:40Speaker 01

  You have to advocate for yourself. You talk to yourself more than anyone else talks to you with your inner dialogue. So you have to choose kind words. You have to cheer yourself on. You have to be rooting for yourself. And so for me, I've taught that to my kids now. And every single morning, we start our day off and they say, I'm strong, I'm smart, I'm beautiful, I'm kind.

• 1:01Lewis Howes?

  Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 1:25Lewis Howes?

  Welcome back everyone to the School of Greatness. I'm very excited about our guest. We have the inspiring Allison Holker in the house. So good to see you.

• 1:32Speaker 01

  It's good to see you. I'm so grateful to be here.

• 1:34Lewis Howes?

  Very grateful for you. We met, I don't know if you remember exactly, we met December 2016.

• 1:40Speaker 01

  2016, has it been that long?

• 1:42Lewis Howes?

  At a children's charity event that you were hosting.

• 1:44Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 1:45Lewis Howes?

  And within a minute of meeting you, we started salsa dancing.

• 1:49Speaker 01

  I do remember that.

• 1:50Lewis Howes?

  I have a video of us, actually.

• 1:52Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 1:52Lewis Howes?

  And

• 1:53Speaker 01

  You're very good.

• 1:54Lewis Howes?

  Thank you.

• 1:55Speaker 01

  You're a very good dancer.

• 1:56Lewis Howes?

  Thank you.

• 1:56Speaker 01

  I was very impressed. You were leading me. Like, usually I feel like I have to fake, like, the guy's leading, but really I'm doing all the work.

• 2:01Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 2:02Speaker 01

  You were leading.

• 2:02Lewis Howes?

  Well, there's a difference that I've noticed, because I've got a lot of professional dancer friends that I've done like a little salsa with. And the pros that usually choreograph, they don't know how to be led as well, right? So it's like you almost have to be like, no, relax. Let me like lead you as opposed to choreographing it when it's like improvs also.

• 2:22Speaker 01

  Oh, I a thousand percent was like probably trying to lead you like, oh, wait, he's actually good. He knows what he's doing. This is fantastic. So and it's not as other people aren't good. It's just exactly, it's exactly what you're saying. I usually have to kind of guide myself.

• 2:34Lewis Howes?

  I know, exactly. Um, but it's been a, it's been great getting to watch your journey, getting to know you. And what, what a, so many amazing things that have happened in your life in the last seven years since I met you, so many amazing things and some challenging things.

• 2:50Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 2:51Lewis Howes?

  But you have this book out called Keep Dancing Through: A Boss Family Groove, which I'm really excited about. It's beautiful, amazing story, beautiful art. I want people to check this out. And it's called Keep Dancing Through. And I'm curious, why did you want to have a book come out now about this? And before you go into that, my whole intention for this interview is for people to get to know you, who you are, lessons you've learned, your story, what your purpose is, and what you're creating now in your life. And this is one of the things that you're creating, Keep Dancing Through. So why did you feel like this was an important book to put out right now?

• 3:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, I love starting here. I, with my late husband, we wrote this book back in 2021.

• 3:36Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 3:37Speaker 01

  So it feels like the right time now to actually release it, let people see the work we put in. It is something that we were so excited about together. Not just me, not just my husband, but also with our kids. We wrote this story that really just follows a day in our life, what it looks like, the challenges that you might face. And you follow each one of my kids through something a little challenging. And it's very lighthearted. But it really shows how we as parents would guide them with, you know, using affirmations to help them through a really difficult time. And that is something that we have taught all of our kids since they were so little. And I still believe in it.

• 4:19Speaker 01

  So this story way back in 2021 follows all of us and showing that my kids have so grown up with affirmations that they use it to help each other. They don't necessarily need me to tell them when to use these affirmations. They do it themselves. So for me, when writing this book, you're following our family. You're seeing the life lessons and what and who we and what we believe in every single day. And then, of course, you know, 2022 happens and it was a really difficult time for my family. Uh, moving into then 2023 being one of the most challenging years of my life. And there was a lot of questions of should we release the book?

• 5:03Speaker 01

  Selfishly, I had moments of like, should I hold on to the book just to be a little time capsule for me and my kids? Just for us to have a little memory to look back on? And I kept reading the book back to myself. And then rereading the title over and over and over again, realizing this is all I can do is keep dancing through. It's what I'm gonna do is what I'm gonna teach my kids to do. And for all these people that have followed my journey since I was 18, first on television, then following my, my late husband's journey through all of the amazing work he's done, seeing us come together, then having these beautiful kids together. It was a way for me to share that they can keep dancing through as well. And so for me, I was like, it's too important of a message.

• 5:49Speaker 01

  And it really is who we are and what we believe in. You know, and so for me, this book is, it's a testament to all the people that have followed our journey. You can still love that and who we were and who we will still be.

• 6:06Lewis Howes?

  I want to talk about how you actually dance through something that can feel overwhelming, tragic, or horrific in life. I want to talk about that in a second. But the thing that I'm most curious about in this moment is your love for affirmations, manifestation, and love. You were talking about this before we got on, you just mentioned it again. I also love, the synchronicity just hit me, that I met you at a children's hospital charity event, and you're writing a kid's book right now. It's kind of like a full circle moment.

• 6:37Speaker 01

  It definitely is.

• 6:38Lewis Howes?

  Your investment in service for kids to grow up and live an empowering life of dancing through all of it. The beauty, the tragic, and everything in between. But you mentioned affirmations about how your kids say these affirmations. When did you get into manifestation and affirmations for your life?

• 7:00Speaker 01

  Um, I really started doing a lot of manifesting and affirmations when I was 20 years old.

• 7:05Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 7:05Speaker 01

  And I was having a low moment in my life. And it was the sweetest thing. I was on a show, and one of the crew members, um, I was like, you know, I was just having like a really hard day, and he saw me and I was crying. And he was like, "I don't know you, but you..." He's like, "I always see you so strong, and I hope everything's okay. I don't know what we were going through." But he was like, and I was like, "Honestly, I just feel so discouraged." So this is me 20 years old. And he's like, "You know what? He's like, "I want you to go back to your, to your room tonight, look in that mirror, and say, 'I'm strong, I have a wonderful life, and I deserve to be happy.'"

• 7:41Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 7:42Speaker 01

  So he taught me that I am manifestation, that I have, and I deserve. And I have been saying that, and I wish I knew his name, and I wish I knew where he was to this day. But he said that to me when I was 20 years old, and it is something that I still do to this day, every single morning.

• 7:59Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 8:00Speaker 01

  Every single morning, I've committed to it, and it's changed my life. And now, obviously, the affirmations have changed a lot. Um, but I've been doing manifesting and affirmations for so long, and it's something that I believe has also been my champion of still being able to handle anything.

• 8:16Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 8:17Speaker 01

  Because you have to, you have to advocate for yourself.

• 8:22Speaker 01

  You talk to yourself more than anyone else talks to you with your inner dialogue. So you have to choose kind words. You have to cheer yourself on. You have to be rooting for yourself. And so for me, I've taught that to my kids now. And every single morning, we start our day off and they say, "I'm strong, I'm smart, I'm beautiful, I'm kind." And for Maddox, it's "I'm handsome." And then every year, as they're getting older, I add on new ones. Or allow them the space to kind of change on. So that's kind of one of the ones that's in the book. In the book, we found that we wanted it to feel a little bit more rhythmical. So we changed it a little bit. But our daily affirmation with my kids is, "I'm strong, I'm smart, I'm beautiful, and I'm kind."

• 9:00Lewis Howes?

  Have you ever had a season in life, maybe after 20, before 2020, where you had a down season emotionally, or maybe a career or relationships, or something was off? How do you use affirmations even when things seem to not be going well? And how do you use them and believe them even when everything around you is struggling?

• 9:23Speaker 01

  I feel like affirmations, you would accept it from someone else. When you're having a low moment and someone's like, "You've got this."

• 9:34Speaker 01

  You would hear that, right? You're gonna make a choice now if you're gonna listen to it or not. But why aren't you just saying it to yourself? That's what it is. So whatever it is you need to hear from someone else at a moment, do it for yourself. You know? And I would love to say that, you know, God works in such mysterious ways. He's gonna put people in your life to say those things for you if you allow that energy into your life. But He gives you the opportunity to be it. You know, and so that is really my encouragement to my kids is, you be it for yourself first, and then everything else will fall into alignment for you.

• 10:07Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 10:08Speaker 01

  You know, I, you know, another one I start with my kids, I think is so important, is we do the hard things. We do the hard things. I say it to my kids. I say, "We do that." And they, it's, "We do the hard things." Um, it's really sweet. But I think even saying your affirmations falls into that same category. Because you have to make a choice to say it. You have to make the choice to do it every day and commit to it. And so it's a dedication. And I think where you build self-confidence is in dedicated acts. So for me, it's not just about the affirmations and it's not just about encouraging myself. It's giving me a platform to be like, "I did that."

• 10:48Speaker 01

  And it's really hard and I've committed to it. I've been doing it every day for now 15 years.

• 10:54Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 10:55Speaker 01

  You know, and so I just, I believe that it's dedication and commitment that you also learn to yourself.

• 11:02Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely. I'm curious about, you, you talk about doing it every single day for 15 years. How do you stay positive? When you're not, when you don't get the audition, when something's going off in your family, when someone's mean to you, how do you continue to stay positive with affirmations to support you?

• 11:20Speaker 01

  I think the biggest thing, especially this year that I learned, was you can be positive while also being sad. Oh man, you can, I know more than anybody now, that you can have all of the emotions at the same time. Which one are you gonna pick? Because right now I can sit here and I could muster up anger, I can muster up sadness, could also be really joyful, can be full of love. But it's, which one am I gonna choose to lean from? Right? Um, so for me, it's, it's all of the things and I choose positivity. But even with that being said, I sometimes have been looked at as being overly positive, if I'm honest.

• 12:04Speaker 01

  I've always been looked at as like, "Alison, are you ever low?" And the truth of the matter is, I do get low. I don't always lean from it. But I've really had to learn this last year to be a little bit more vulnerable with myself. I've had to learn to allow my kids to see me a little bit more vulnerable.

• 12:19Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 12:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, and it was a hard lesson for me to learn. But if I wanted my kids to come to me with their grief or the different emotions that are impacting them right now. I realized for myself, though I'm always their biggest champion, I'm showing how to be positive. I'm showing them how to be up and lifted up. I need to show them that it's okay to be on the other side. So though I'm always positive, I've allowed myself to break that wall a little bit for them. Yeah.

• 12:46Lewis Howes?

  Did you feel like there was moments where you're maybe bypassing sadness or emotions in the last year? Or do you feel like you allowed yourself to feel everything?

• 12:54Speaker 01

  I allowed myself to feel everything.

• 12:56Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 12:57Speaker 01

  I feel like the only way to move forward is to feel everything. This was my first time going through a traumatic experience. And so I didn't really have any tools of what I thought was the right way to do this. I just had to let it happen. And so there would be times I, if I'm truthfully honest with you, there'd be times I'd just be screaming in my backyard. There'd be times I'd just be crying. But then again, it's okay to be here. It's okay to feel these really big feelings because they're real. And they need to get out of me. I can't hold on to it and hide it. Because if I've learned anything, that's also a problem. So I've learned to allow myself to feel it,

• 13:40Speaker 01

  channel it, and then move through it. Because you can't stay. You have to make the choice to get through it.

• 13:47Lewis Howes?

  What happens if you stay in those emotions?

• 13:49Speaker 01

  I feel like if you stay in those emotions too long, it can consume you. I don't want to be consumed by it. I need to feel it and address it and then get out of it, you know?

• 14:00Lewis Howes?

  It sounds like, you know, having a dance experience and being a professional dancer is also a tool that you can use when you're feeling the emotions to not stay stuck. You can move. You can wiggle your body, you can dance, you can do whatever you can, but you can use your body as a tool to not shake it out, to express it out, it sounds like.

• 14:22Speaker 01

  Yes. Whenever I put on music for my kids, or if I, sometimes, you know, people need to express themselves with words. Sometimes people just need to have fun and let loose and get almost just free in their bodies. So, you know, sometimes like when I see someone's having like a low moment, I'll just put music on. And there's just like this freedom in this space where everyone's dancing on counters, coffee tables, somersaulting on the couches. It's kind of like there's no rules at this moment in my life with my kids. But it's a freedom that everyone finds. It's almost like tribal. Everyone just gets to express themselves and get that like extra angst off of their body. And also something through trauma that I didn't realize before is it takes on a physical form too.

• 15:05Speaker 01

  And dance is a great way to shake it off of you, get it off of you. And I found that it took me and my kids quite a long time to dance again. But then when we started, oh, it was like a breath of fresh air. We just felt like so much, just leave our bodies. It was great. So, we really cherish having that dance ability with each other.

• 15:29Lewis Howes?

  I'm so glad that you're here because I was telling you beforehand, I don't feel like I've seen a lot of you sharing your personal experiences in conversation online that much. Obviously, there's photos of you, there's videos of you dancing, there's shorter things of you, but not a long-form expression like this. And I'm curious, for those who don't know you fully, or who think they might know who you are, but they don't really know who you are, who were you before a year ago? And who is Allison today?

• 16:03Speaker 01

  I love that question. I think it's something I'm still working on and trying to navigate, if I'm just saying it.

• 16:11Speaker 01

  Before all this happened, I was a believer in

• 16:17Speaker 01

  I can control my life. I can make anything happen. I can do this. I can be here. I can make this all happen. And in some ways, I still believe that, but I think who I am now is it's out of my hands. My life is in the hands of God and the universe. And I must accept and learn that the role I must be played is already written for me. And I've got to accept it, and I've got to learn it, and I've got to love it, and I've got to spread that message whatever given to me to be spread. So that's where I've changed the most.

• 16:48Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 16:49Speaker 01

  Is before, I think I thought I could control my life and control what happened to me and control elements as long as I worked really hard.

• 16:56Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 16:56Speaker 01

  As long as I live a dedicated life, as long as I am reading these books and going to work on time and doing these things, I can really control everything. And now I've learned to let go of the control, still be ready for anything, but let go of the control. And just accept the role that's been given to me.

• 17:14Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 17:15Speaker 01

  And deliver on it.

• 17:16Lewis Howes?

  I mean, I've seen you at church before. I don't know how, you know, your spiritual religious views, but I'm curious. How has your relationship with God evolved, changed, shifted in the last year?

• 17:31Speaker 01

  I've always been a believer and I've always been really spiritual. And I love going to the Church Mosaic. Erwin McManus is just such a hero of mine. I love Kim and I love Beck and Joe there. They've been such support systems for me and my family, but always. I've been going to that church for almost, I want to say eight years now. Yeah, they've been such lovely inspirations to me and I think my relationship is with has changed a little bit because it's just grown. I leaned on it at times, but now I just trust that it has to be a part of all of me. Can't just be a sometimes thing.

• 18:11Lewis Howes?

  Really? So it was like when it was convenient or sometimes you would lean on it?

• 18:14Speaker 01

  Like, you know, I would go to church and I believe these things and I, and I pray and I, you know, I know these things exist. But you know, like anything, you're putting it in a whole box with a bunch of stuff. I kind of attest my whole box to be it.

• 18:29Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 18:30Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 18:31Lewis Howes?

  So it's evolved in a big way?

• 18:32Speaker 01

  It's evolved in a big way. Yeah. And I think it's important too.

• 18:37Lewis Howes?

  Because I think, well, I think some people, when they go through an event like what you went through, you know, losing your husband, in a tragic way, I think it could be two extremes. It could be, you know, the universe has screwed me, God has done something bad to me. Why this has happened to me? Why me?

• 18:56Lewis Howes?

  Or it could go, you know, I'm going to be more of a believer and really hold on to some faith. Like there had to be a reason for this happening for me.

• 19:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 19:03Lewis Howes?

  And it sounds like you lean more into this is, I don't know why this happened and this is horrible, but there has to be something good out of this.

• 19:12Speaker 01

  It's, it's interesting that you bring it up because I think through this tragedy, I would, I would say that I've been at my lowest in my entire life through this time.

• 19:25Speaker 01

  But I still feel so much gratitude for life.

• 19:28Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 19:29Speaker 01

  And it's never changed. And that is why I believe so much in guidance from God and the universe. Because they never allowed me to get so low that I can't lose my gratitude on life.

• 19:41Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 19:42Speaker 01

  I want to live. I still want to experience. I still think it's so beautiful. I still have so much love in my heart for my kids and our beautiful home that we've created, and the space that we have, and for my friends who've supported me. And I still love the work that I have and the craft that I have. And I'm so grateful for the talent I have and I'm so grateful, you know, just stepping outside in the beautiful sky. And I'm so grateful that I still am able to hold on to that. And it also makes me have so much empathy for... Times that people don't feel those things because that has never left me through all of this.

• 20:16Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 20:17Speaker 01

  And I think that's because I'm being helped. You know, I feel, I can feel how protected I am through this. I feel the wings on my back.

• 20:25Lewis Howes?

  Really? What does that feel like, feeling the protection?

• 20:29Speaker 01

  I feel like there's love constantly around me.

• 20:33Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 20:35Speaker 01

  I do.

• 20:36Lewis Howes?

  That's a good feeling.

• 20:37Speaker 01

  It's a great feeling.

• 20:38Lewis Howes?

  Wow, when did you start to feel that?

• 20:40Speaker 01

  Um, while I was going through everything, I, I can't even, it feels like something on me. It physically feels like I have protection on me. And it's, it's something I don't know if I can describe into words. Um, but I, I do, I, I know I'm protected. And if that's, you know, angels or spirits or God or Steven, you know, it's just, I feel like what's happened for me is my purpose has been something louder and bigger than I must just accept and keep driving forward.

• 21:17Lewis Howes?

  What did you think your purpose was before this versus your purpose now?

• 21:20Speaker 01

  So my purpose before, I believe this and I've said this like for years, I was always supposed to bring dance to people's homes. The love, the joy, the storytelling. I was always supposed to do that through dance. And I think now my purpose with that is still the same and it's grown. But now it's with words. And I never used my words before. It's interesting that you brought that up because it's not that I ever hid myself away. I chose and led with dance. Because that's what my purpose was before, was to bring love and joy, bring this storytelling, opening up those gates of conversation through dance. But now through it, I'm supposed to use my words.

• 22:04Lewis Howes?

  Wow. You know, it's interesting you say that because when we grow up and we develop a talent or a skill and we get acknowledged for it. I used to play sports a lot and I get acknowledged for my, you know, my ability on the football field or whatever. I never wanted to use my voice. Because I wasn't as skilled or confident using my voice. I didn't, you know, I didn't want to be criticized and that. I was just like, let me just play and let my performance use my, you know, speak for me.

• 22:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 22:29Lewis Howes?

  And I don't know, did you have that type of feeling like, okay, I'm getting, I've got this gift, this talent, the skill. People are acknowledging for me, you know, I'm getting on TV and things are happening. I'll just keep dancing.

• 22:39Speaker 01

  I never felt the need to have to use my voice. And it wasn't necessarily that I was hiding from it or ever shy of it. It's just, dance was my vehicle. And I've been so fortunate to have such incredible opportunities with the different jobs I've had. That I've been able to tell so many big stories, not using my voice. It's so interesting, I look back now, I'm like, wow, that's fascinating. I didn't realize at the time, because so much was being said, but just not from me with my actual words.

• 23:12Lewis Howes?

  Right. Both through your choreography, your expression, your emotion.

• 23:16Speaker 01

  Yes. And so many people have felt so many things with me that they think they know me. And I've allowed that space to be there. And now I, I've experienced so much in my life. And there's been so much seen and my life is so public. And I think it is time to start sharing a little bit more.

• 23:35Lewis Howes?

  Right. What's been the, since you are a public figure, what's been the most challenging thing you've had to face? Through this process?

• 23:43Speaker 01

  I think the most challenging thing is that

• 23:47Speaker 01

  a lot of people through grief, want you to grieve for them in a specific way.

• 23:52Lewis Howes?

  What do you mean by that?

• 23:53Speaker 01

  I mean, that I am such a public figure that people have a lot of opinions in how I should be handling myself. How I should be handling the grief and what they expect to see. What they expect me to say, what they expect to hear from me. And, and I've always been a person that I have to do things my way. In my own pacing, in my own time. And that's gonna come sometimes with a lot of emotion for other people. And I think I've had to just challenge myself to stay my own course. Because I have to go through this at my time to be the best version of myself and the best version of my kids. And then I can come forward and use my voice and help as many people as I can.

• 24:36Speaker 01

  But I had to really, I learned this skill from my therapist. You know, I've always known that a lot of opinions that come from people are really for themselves usually. Things that they need to hear or things that they believe in themselves or insecurities in themselves. But it still was reaching me and affecting me.

• 24:54Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 24:54Speaker 01

  Right?

• 24:55Lewis Howes?

  I mean, just people's opinions or comments online, it was kind of...

• 24:58Speaker 01

  It can be aggressive and it can be a lot and can be a lot.

• 25:03Lewis Howes?

  So it was affecting you?

• 25:04Speaker 01

  It was affecting me in some ways. And I was like, I know, I know that I have to protect myself and my kids, but for some reason I'm still letting it reach me. You know, and it's causing me to have more emotions, more than I already have. And my therapist is like, you're almost there. But she's like, you're more of a visual learner. So she was like, I need you to physically wear a mirror. When people are saying things to you or when you're reading things online. It's a mirror. So now if there's something that doesn't line up with me and doesn't make sense to me, or it's an opinion from someone else, I just put up a mirror. You may say it, but it doesn't mean I have to necessarily take it. And that's been a really big help to me at this time, is to actually physically wear that mirror for myself.

• 25:49Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 25:49Speaker 01

  Yeah. Because it comes with a lot of weight.

• 25:52Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 25:53Speaker 01

  It comes with a lot of weight, but I don't look at that weight as being something always as a negative. It can, it can be, but it's not always.

• 26:03Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 26:03Speaker 01

  I almost wear it as a badge of honor. If I can wrangle my emotions and help someone through this and be an example to maybe someone else going through a low that you're gonna be okay and we're gonna keep dancing through, I will continue to be a public figure and, you know, publicly share my life on social media, even though I'm gonna sometimes get opinions. It's like, the bigger message is I can help people.

• 26:24Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 26:25Speaker 01

  So it doesn't outweigh each other.

• 26:26Lewis Howes?

  Right. What has been the thing that's surprised you the most in a positive way through this experience over the last year? Because that was kind of, you know, the criticism and what people's opinions of what they think you should be doing. That's kind of unfortunate, but what's the positive side that you maybe didn't expect or weren't even aware of?

• 26:44Speaker 01

  The positives, I've had so many people praying for us and spreading love.

• 26:49Lewis Howes?

  That's amazing.

• 26:50Speaker 01

  I mean, honestly, maybe even that protection I feel, maybe it's all of them praying for me. It's all those prayers our family's receiving from so many wanting to see us get through this, wanting to see my kids get up every day and go to school and get to their activities. Like, I have so many people cheering for us and wanting to see us through this. And so, yes, there's sometimes being a public figure, a negative side, but there's so much positive from it. And I feel it. I can feel them championing for us and cheering for us, rooting for us. And it is strength, you know, it's strength in numbers. And I feel like we can do it, you know, and I have a lot of people who are going through their own grief and trauma, reach out to me for support, and I hope to be that for them too.

• 27:33Lewis Howes?

  Wow. I mean, it's just amazing watching your journey. Because, I mean, I lost my dad's, you know, same year you lost Twitch, right? Earlier in the year, my dad passed away. And I remember the sadness and the grief that my whole family collectively was going through. Now, he had an accident 17 years prior, a brain injury through a car accident that left him in a coma for many, many months, and he never was able to fully recover. So he just had a lot of health problems and we just never knew when it was gonna happen. But it was still a really sad time. And then the fact of like coordinating, what people don't understand is you have to coordinate a lot.

• 28:17Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 28:18Lewis Howes?

  We were talking about this beforehand, you know, coordinating funeral, different emotions, heightened experiences, money, navigating stuff while you're trying to just process, like the shock, the grief, the loss, all these things. And I know you had a lot of coordination, you were like the CEO of so many different things at once. How were you able to navigate so much while grieving and experiencing just so much sadness and uncertainty and questions?

• 28:45Speaker 01

  I think you're the first person who have ever asked me about this. And I think it's so important to talk about because, you know, we all want to talk about the emotional side of grief and trauma, and it's really important to talk about it and it deserves conversation. But there was so much I had no idea I was gonna be experiencing. From finances, from, you know, holding on to these career-long-lasting relationships and these contracts that were existing. Contracts that might have to go away. Are we out of breach? Timelines, timing of things. Making sure my kids, are my kids gonna go to a different school? Now, when can they go back to school? What's the timeline in that?

• 29:29Speaker 01

  Finding the right, correct therapist that's really gonna help our family through these journeys, individually and together. Are we ever gonna wanna move? There were so many things that, you know, as I'm trying to grieve, I'm now the solo parent and solo facilitator, when my, my husband and I, we were partners in everything. We had started so many businesses together and we had started all these beautiful brand partnerships and career relationships and all these things that I now have to go back and reframe, restructure, reconstruct. And I'm so grateful for the team that I had standing at my side.

• 30:15Speaker 01

  But there are times that they had to be brutally honest, like, I know, I know you wanna go cry, Allison. We gotta pull this together and do this right now. Because I'd already lost everything. But I can't lose all that now. For myself and protection of my kids. There was a lot of moves that had to be wrangled and made that are, you can't just let go away. And so I had to wear so many hats for myself while also trying to be like, I'm available to my kids to grieve in any way they are.

• 30:43Lewis Howes?

  And all your friends and all his friends were reaching out to you and...

• 30:46Speaker 01

  And it's a lot to navigate.

• 30:48Lewis Howes?

  Oh my goodness.

• 30:49Speaker 01

  And, and I think people don't realize that that's gonna be a part of it. I certainly didn't know it was gonna be a part of it.

• 30:56Speaker 01

  And so I feel like this whole last year was...

• 31:01Speaker 01

  Was rebuilding everything that we'd worked so hard to had already created and built.

• 31:05Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 31:06Speaker 01

  And in some ways, it really helped me to heal.

• 31:10Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 31:12Speaker 01

  Because you have to go back through everything and just face it all.

• 31:16Lewis Howes?

  Oh, my goodness.

• 31:17Speaker 01

  You have to face it all. And so for me, it was like my personality, like, let's do it. And let's do it now. And this is the hardest time to do it, but okay. You know, let's just

• 31:28Speaker 01

  see what happens. And I've, I, I know for myself, my strength is my strength. And I just had to lean into that and, and just make choices every single day to prioritize my grieving, but then prioritize my business mind. And, and it's hard and it's complicated, but you just gotta do it.

• 31:49Lewis Howes?

  It's messy.

• 31:50Speaker 01

  It's messy and it's never gonna be perfect, but you just got to do it. You just gotta show up. You gotta show up, you know, and

• 32:01Speaker 01

  I, I learned that I can handle a lot. And I'm proud of myself for that. And I'm proud that I could do that for myself and my children. And they've been at my side through all of it, you know, and, and my team has been love. I call them my team, but it's my chosen family out here. Have been at my side of my family. They've just been my rocks. And they know it's difficult. They know it's difficult to come to me and be like, okay, I know you're having a really hard day, but like, we need to get on this phone call.

• 32:27Lewis Howes?

  Oh, man.

• 32:28Speaker 01

  We gotta get in the zoo meeting. Lots of zoo meetings all the time.

• 32:31Lewis Howes?

  We gotta make decisions.

• 32:32Speaker 01

  We gotta make decisions.

• 32:33Lewis Howes?

  How do you, I mean, for someone who's maybe going through a loss of someone close to them, how can people in their life support them the best way? Or is everyone just needs support differently?

• 32:47Speaker 01

  I think.

• 32:48Lewis Howes?

  Cause I remember like, when all this happened, I remember thinking to myself, how can I support you? Obviously, I wasn't that close with you. I had a relationship with Twitch, but I wasn't as close with you. But I was thinking, I don't even know, what do you do? Like, how do you help someone? How do you give to someone without?

• 33:07Lewis Howes?

  Overbearing or without, you know, interrupting them too much with giving them space. Like, how does someone navigate supporting someone else going through a tragic moment like this?

• 33:17Speaker 01

  I honestly still don't know. I wish I had an answer for that. I really genuinely do. I think it would be an important thing if there could be a playbook for people. But the truth of the matter is, I don't know myself. Because there's times that people want to help me. I've had so many people want to help me. And there's times I'm like, I don't even know how to have you help me.

• 33:35Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 33:35Speaker 01

  Because that's also a task at hand, too.

• 33:37Lewis Howes?

  You just need alone time. You just don't talk to me. Yeah, yeah.

• 33:40Speaker 01

  You know, people don't realize that. For me to figure out how you can help me is also another thing for me to figure out. And that's tricky and complicated because sometimes I don't know how I need help. And so I can be honest in that I don't know. But I think if you just give people grace.

• 34:01Speaker 01

  Because I don't know how I need help sometimes. So if I can't give you an answer, just be like, okay. And it's interesting because I think sometimes people get offended if you don't ask them for help. So I would say sometimes that person just doesn't know how. It's not just that they don't know how to ask. They quite literally don't know what can help. Because we're just figuring ourselves out for the first time, you know? So just grace. Grace is a big word for me now. I don't think I've ever used grace before this last year. And now it's like, just give me grace.

• 34:35Lewis Howes?

  Now it's tattooed on your arm.

• 34:37Speaker 01

  Yes, now it's going to be all over me all the time.

• 34:40Lewis Howes?

  What do you think are the three biggest lessons you've learned through this process then? About yourself, about life, about... Again, we've talked a little bit about your purpose, what you want to create through dance moving forward. But what are those three big lessons, would you say?

• 34:55Speaker 01

  My biggest lesson I think I've learned is that...

• 35:02Speaker 01

  Every season has an expiration date. On both sides. With grief. That will come to a close and you'll be okay on the other side. But then also, your good times will also have an expiration date. So learn to be really grateful for those good times. That's been the biggest lesson for me.

• 35:24Speaker 01

  Let go of control.

• 35:28Speaker 01

  Let God and university do its job.

• 35:32Speaker 01

  And

• 35:35Speaker 01

  the last thing I would say I learned was to accept the things that happened to you and then learn to love them. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

• 35:46Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 35:47Speaker 01

  You have to learn to love it. And that's where I've been the last couple of months is I don't have to understand what happened, but I have to learn to love that this is my experience and it's a part of it.

• 35:59Speaker 01

  And all I can do is move through it to the other side.

• 36:02Lewis Howes?

  Because you can't change what happened.

• 36:03Speaker 01

  I cannot.

• 36:04Lewis Howes?

  But how does someone learn to love something as tragic as what you experienced?

• 36:08Speaker 01

  Because I still get to have life. And it's how you choose to look at things. Because with every awful thing, there's also something beautiful with it. And I have a lot of beautiful times with Steven. And I have so many beautiful memories with him. And I've learned so much from him. There was so much love and joy that my family has learned and experienced and that is the only reason I know this pain. But that is something beautiful. I had 13 magical years.

• 36:36Speaker 01

  That a lot of people don't get to have. I got to have that. I got to have that grand love. Got to have that experience. I got to have a life partner that I just still am so in awe. And he deserves that respect and love. And so for me, that is beautiful. And I got to have that and experience it. And I get to look back on that. And I get to still lean in from that place.

• 37:00Lewis Howes?

  What you're sharing, something come up for me because my dad got into his accident when I was about 22. And I remember thinking, he was never really the same person again. So I never really had a relationship with my father like most people would have. He just wasn't able to consciously remember things. He would, you know, every time I'd see him, he would kind of have to ask who I was again. He had a different personality. It's just a different relationship than when I was before his accident. And I remember saying, well, at least I had those, you know, 20 years with him.

• 37:32Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:33Lewis Howes?

  And when most people don't have fathers, they don't have a good experience, whatever it might be. So I really, even though it was sad to have 17 years with him alive, where it was like we were disconnected, I just kept thinking about all the good that I learned from him and the lessons I got and the moments and the memories. So you have 13 years together, right? What would you say are the three biggest things that Twitch taught you during that time? And maybe after that time?

• 38:01Speaker 01

  Kindness. He's one of the kindest humans I've ever met in my entire life. The other thing I learned from him is he always wanted everyone to feel seen. If you were with him, you felt seen. It's magical.

• 38:21Speaker 01

  And then I'll say, man, he was a beast of a dancer. I mean, just like, man, the best dancer. I learned so much about dance with him. Just that it's fun and you can just do whatever you want with it and express yourself. And we just had such a good time on the dance floor. And he just showed me that I can just have fun.

• 38:48Lewis Howes?

  I'm curious, what do you think is a thing you wish he would have

• 38:53Lewis Howes?

  known, felt, or seen within himself differently?

• 38:57Speaker 01

  For me, looking back on Steven, I feel his best qualities and why they were his best qualities is because he was trying to find that for himself.

• 39:08Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 39:10Speaker 01

  I feel

• 39:13Speaker 01

  like he

• 39:16Speaker 01

  had a hard time with accepting the love that was coming into him from all sorts of people, such wonderful, lovely people. I think the reason he outpoured so much is because he felt like he couldn't hold on to it.

• 39:28Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 39:28Speaker 01

  That's what made him the kindest human. So what made him such a lovely human is that he loved to give it back to everyone. Instead of just holding on to that love just for a little bit longer for yourself. Because you deserve that love. You deserve that kindness just as much as you're putting out to people. But I feel like he would receive it and then give it back. And I just wish he could have just let himself feel full.

• 39:56Speaker 01

  Accept it. You don't always have to pass it on to everyone else. You can hold on to it.

• 40:00Lewis Howes?

  You can receive it.

• 40:01Speaker 01

  You can receive it.

• 40:01Lewis Howes?

  Can feel it.

• 40:02Speaker 01

  Can feel it and sit with it.

• 40:04Lewis Howes?

  It's interesting, I was watching a an interview with another big, big celebrity recently where they were talking about they're very famous and they were talking about how they never really feel loved, like and the praises that come to them, it's hard for them to receive those praises. It's part of the thing that drove this person to be, you know, at the top of their game. It's like constantly searching for it, but never being able to receive it. I think a lot of people can relate to that feeling of never being able to receive love fully and believe that they're deserving and worthy of love.

• 40:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:37Lewis Howes?

  How have you been able to

• 40:40Lewis Howes?

  know that you're deserving and worthy of love throughout your whole life?

• 40:44Speaker 01

  It's complicated because that was something that

• 40:48Speaker 01

  I feel like I've never looked at myself and said, "I love you." Like to myself. And I had a friend recently say, "You do all these affirmations. You do all this manifesting. But have you ever just looked at yourself and said, 'I love you.'" You're like, "I love you." And I was like, "Wow. I don't think I've ever just said that." I like, you know, you, like I said, I do all the affirmations. But have I ever just looked in the mirror and said, "I love you?" And I was like, "I don't think I've ever done that." So I'm just trying to do that now.

• 41:22Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 41:23Speaker 01

  I know. And it seems like such an easy concept, but like, have I ever looked in the mirror? And at myself and been like, "I love you." I was like, "I don't know." What a good question. I'm gonna certainly work on that now.

• 41:34Lewis Howes?

  Sure, sure.

• 41:36Speaker 01

  So that's something I'm trying to introduce to myself now, but I find that the affirmations again, of course, like I know we keep bringing that up and talking about, but that's definitely been a backbone in my life. But the word "love," that's interesting to say "love" to yourself.

• 41:55Lewis Howes?

  Did you ever, did you love yourself growing up? Or is this a newer concept for you?

• 41:58Speaker 01

  It's a new concept to think about this. And I don't think I ever, I don't think I ever thought about, "Do I love myself?" Like, "Oh, I love my kids. I, I love my, like, husband. I love my frie- I lo- I talk so much about that with other people, but have I ever been like, 'I love myself.'" I don't know if I'd ever said that or even really thought about it.

• 42:16Lewis Howes?

  I mean, there's a, you know, there's a narcissistic approach to that. And then there's a, an integrated, healthy approach to that, I think. Where it's like, "I love and accept and appreciate myself for everything I've been through and for who I'm becoming." And then there's the, "Everyone look at me, look how great I am." Kind of a narcissistic approach, which I don't think is healthy. I think there's a, a healthy healed version of love and acceptance and appreciation. And a, you know, a narcissistic view of like, "I need more attention."

• 42:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:49Lewis Howes?

  And so it's learning how to navigate that, which I think can be tricky. And I think some of us diminish it because we want to stay humble.

• 42:54Speaker 01

  Right.

• 42:55Lewis Howes?

  And we don't want to say, you know, "I love myself, look at me." But I think that's how we are able to navigate the world better and navigate these emotions. Because you talked about inner dialogue earlier. And I think if our inner dialogue is speaking lack, or less love, or not worthy of love, then we're going to attract those things. Or if we have a good life and things come to us that are good, we're unable to receive those things. And that's going to feel disconnected as well. So there's going to be something that's challenging us internally or identity if we're unable to believe we're deserving of love, from my experience.

• 43:35Speaker 01

  I love that.

• 43:36Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, it's hard to do. I didn't love myself for a long time until I started to really look, reflect, heal, forgive, all these different things. And it was a process of learning how to do it.

• 43:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:48Lewis Howes?

  Like, we weren't taught as kids how to love ourselves, I don't think. And I think you're doing a great job of this with your kids, but growing up, it was just like suck it up and just keep going.

• 43:58Speaker 01

  Yes, but it is, it's interesting because like, have you ever said to yourself, like, I love myself? And it is an interesting concept because we should. You should want to say that to yourself and believe that because with everything even you just said, like, you really just attract what you are. You know, so you're right. You have to believe those things and really feel that way. So I mean, but that is a journey that I'm on, I think, now.

• 44:21Lewis Howes?

  And I think it's hard to give something you don't have. It's hard to give love, like authentic love, if you don't feel authentic love for yourself. So it doesn't mean you can't bring inspiring moments and joy and fun and play, but I think it's hard to bring it if you don't have it. You don't believe it. Speaking of the topic of love, what's the thing you loved about Twitch the most? And still love about him today?

• 44:48Speaker 01

  Ah, the best hugs.

• 44:50Lewis Howes?

  Man.

• 44:51Speaker 01

  Man, man.

• 44:57Speaker 01

  It is, it really is. I will say it time and time again. He.

• 45:04Speaker 01

  He saw people. He would see you. And that was something I haven't really seen a lot of people. Like being able to have that skill of walking in a room and you, he could see everyone. And I don't just mean like seeing, oh, like I see you in front of me, like I see into your soul. He could see you.

• 45:25Speaker 01

  And it was a beautiful gift that he had. Cause then he would make you feel so good about who you were.

• 45:31Lewis Howes?

  Do you remember what he said about, what he loved about you the most?

• 45:35Speaker 01

  Was my strength.

• 45:37Speaker 01

  It's actually, you know, he would write that to me all the time.

• 45:40Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 45:41Speaker 01

  And that's where like, when I say, my strength is my strength. That's what he would say to me, your strength is your strength.

• 45:49Lewis Howes?

  You know, I interviewed Twitch seven years ago. And I think I sent you the interview a while back. I'm not sure if you actually watched it. But there's a, there's a little clip, cause I asked him what he loved about you the most. And I wanted to show you the clip real quick.

• 46:01Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 46:02Lewis Howes?

  It's a quick little two minute clip. And I asked him, what is he love about you the most? So I'm not sure if you've seen this, I thought maybe you already had.

• 46:09Speaker 01

  No, I don't know, I don't know.

• 46:11Lewis Howes?

  Okay. So I'm gonna pull this up and I'll let you see it.

• 46:14Speaker 01

  Oh, that's so sweet.

• 46:15Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, this was from, I think seven years ago.

• 46:18Speaker 01

  Wild.

• 46:18Lewis Howes?

  It's crazy.

• 46:19Speaker 01

  Wild how much time it's gone by.

• 46:20Lewis Howes?

  So we just took a little two minute clip out of it, but I'm gonna, I'm gonna just play it for you so you can see it. What's the thing that inspires you the most about your wife?

• 46:27Speaker 02

  Uh, man, okay, so if I had to choose, if I had to choose, if I had to choose one thing, man, it would be, it would, it would be her, her constant, constant, undying ability to make it work. Like to make it work, you know?

• 46:52Lewis Howes?

  Two kids.

• 46:53Speaker 02

  Just to give you back, yeah.

• 46:54Lewis Howes?

  Husband.

• 46:55Speaker 02

  Absolutely.

• 46:55Lewis Howes?

  Career.

• 46:56Speaker 02

  And killing it. Just had it, just had a child, uh, just had a child and he's six months now. Had a child six months ago. Was just on Dancing with the Stars. Body incredible, back in it like she never left. Even when she, even when she was pregnant with Maddox, like she, I mean, she was still, she was still dancing. She, she filmed the HP commercial that she's now, that she's now, uh, that she's now nominated for a world choreography award for, um, when she was, when she was three months pregnant, you know what I mean? In a unitard. Body banging, you know what I mean? Like, it's like, but e- but either way it goes though, she's a, she has this ability to look at the cards to the dealt and make it work. You know what I mean?

• 47:38Speaker 02

  She, she's, she's a, she's a very solution driven person rather, rather than being like, oh, how's this affecting me? Oh, I don't know. She's like, okay, what do we got? Okay, this is what we're gonna do to make it work. Like, she, she goes for the solution and it, and it's undone.

• 47:53Lewis Howes?

  She's not a victim.

• 47:53Speaker 02

  And she's not-

• 47:54Lewis Howes?

  She's not like, oh, I've got so much to do. How am I gonna figure this out? What was me?

• 47:58Speaker 02

  Ever, ever, ever.

• 47:59Lewis Howes?

  Cool, here's a challenge, let's make it work.

• 48:00Speaker 02

  Ever.

• 48:01Lewis Howes?

  That's great. She's responsible for her life.

• 48:03Speaker 02

  Absolutely.

• 48:04Lewis Howes?

  That's great.

• 48:04Speaker 02

  Even her come, coming out here from Los Angeles, she's from Utah, you know? She, she made the decision to move out to Los Angeles. Her and her daughter Wesley, uh, Wesley was one at the time. And what, what was gonna happen? She, I mean, she didn't know, but like, she was like, I'm, I'm going to make it happen. And she did. And it's, it's incredible.

• 48:25Lewis Howes?

  Amazing, man.

• 48:26Speaker 02

  Absolutely.

• 48:28Lewis Howes?

  Pretty cool, huh? I didn't know, you never saw that, did you?

• 48:31Speaker 01

  I've never seen that.

• 48:32Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 48:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:33Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, I remember asking him about that because when we met, I was so inspired. I had met Twitch before I met you a few times.

• 48:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 48:42Lewis Howes?

  And then we met, um, and I was just so inspired by connecting with you at the, the charity event. And so I was just like, I wonder how he really feels about you? What he's really thinking about you? So what, what opened up for you when you saw him share that?

• 48:56Speaker 01

  As, yep, I knew exactly what he was gonna say. Oh my goodness, cuz he, like, I'm such a solution based person. So he's like, he would always come to me like, what do I do? Cuz I know if I come to you, you're gonna put it in order? You're gonna put it in the day planner? You're gonna do a little to do list for us and we're gonna be able to navigate anything? And so he would say that all the time, that if you have a problem that needs to get solved, you go to Alison.

• 49:19Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 49:20Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm. So, and it's just really sweet to see his smile.

• 49:24Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, man, that was a cool moment I got to have with them.

• 49:29Lewis Howes?

  The thing that came up for me when he was saying that is he talked about, you know, you just, you dance through it all. And again, the synchronicities of keep dancing through a Boss Family groove. I want people to get this book, just really inspiring, positive, uplifting, fun, affirmation, storytelling, beautiful design. I want people to get this book because I think you can have some great conversations with your kids in a fun way, in a lighthearted way, that can also help you get through challenging moments in life.

• 49:57Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 49:57Lewis Howes?

  And so I'm excited about this book and for people to get this. What is the, what do you see yourself really stepping into now? This is one of the first times I've seen you use your voice for this long of a period of time in this conversation. You're doing more conversations, you're sharing your voice more. You've got this book, Keep Dancing Through. I know you have like seventeen different TV projects that people want to work on you with. Some things are happening, some things are in the works. Another book I think you're working on, what's, what's really, what do you see yourself creating over the next couple of years now?

• 50:34Speaker 01

  You know, I think I'm kind of an, really an open book to whatever comes my way, if you would.

• 50:41Speaker 01

  I, for me, I know that my purpose is to help people through their own grief.

• 50:46Lewis Howes?

  Hmm, wow.

• 50:47Speaker 01

  I, I know that this is something that's being called on me to do. And so I must follow where that's leading and, and trust that that path and those doors will open in the right places, so I can help as many people as I can. Because I'm navigating this space for the first time, and I know it's really tricky and it's really hard.

• 51:08Speaker 01

  But I want to support other people through theirs.

• 51:11Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 51:12Speaker 01

  And I want to have those hard conversations and I want to be that person that can be there for them and hopefully carry them like they've been carrying me so far. And so I feel like for whatever it is, in whatever capacity, my purpose is to help and my purpose is to still lead from love and joy. And, and yes, it's going to be through books and yes, it's going to be through TV shows. I'm so excited to be back at So You Think You Can Dance. I'm going to be a judge this time.

• 51:37Lewis Howes?

  It's amazing. Congrats on that.

• 51:38Speaker 01

  Such a wonderful job.

• 51:39Lewis Howes?

  It's gonna be great.

• 51:40Speaker 01

  It's been, it's been so lovely to have been a dancer, to a choreographer on the show and to now be sitting at the judges' table. It's It's full circle, it's real, it feels like it's my home. And I'm helping other people in their journeys. And I um, I don't take that lightly. And so for me, I just, I have to trust that my life is being guided. And it is, it's to help others.

• 52:05Lewis Howes?

  What's the thing you're most proud of that most people wouldn't know about you? Maybe something that's not public, or something that people would not assume, but something you're really proud of.

• 52:15Speaker 01

  I'm really proud that I started pickleball. Oh man, it's been so fun. It's so fun. Listen, I'm about to be like a champion in pickleball. I was like, I don't know. Yeah, me and you, I'm not, I'm not quite ready. I know you real good. I need a little bit more time, but yeah.

• 52:29Lewis Howes?

  We gotta start doing tournaments together, all that stuff.

• 52:32Speaker 01

  No, I think I am trying to open myself up just to try new things.

• 52:36Lewis Howes?

  Yes, that's great.

• 52:37Speaker 01

  You know, so I'm proud of myself for that. I'm proud of myself for, you know, going through all these things, but also trying to still find fun and adventure.

• 52:45Lewis Howes?

  I think that's what life's about. You know, you're gonna experience sadness and loss, and you're gonna have to grieve and go through those feelings, but also remembering the gift that we have. And have as much fun as we can, right? It's a gift. And we can choose to stay in emotions that aren't enjoyable, that don't create fun and joy for others. Or we can try to live the best we can. And I think you're doing a great job, so. I acknowledge you for, for everything that you're doing. It's really inspiring. Keep dancing through. I've got a final, I've got a couple few questions for you left. But again, I want people to get the book, Keep Dancing Through a Boss Family Groove. Where can they get the book? And how can we be of best support and service to you?

• 53:29Lewis Howes?

  I know you've already mentioned you're, you feel a lot of prayers and positivity from people around the world. You know, people getting this book will be of support to you, but how else can we serve and support you, Allison?

• 53:40Speaker 01

  Oh, that's really sweet. The book right now, as far as where you can find the book, you can find it Barnes & Noble, Amazon, Targets, really anywhere. It's, it's gonna have a lot of reach, which we're really excited about. We wanna touch as many people as we can right now through the book. So that's beautiful. And then for my family, I just think.

• 54:00Speaker 01

  Kindness. Show a little grace to people, even if you don't see or understand why they make the choices they do. Just have grace. You never know what people are going through. You never know. And so just have a little bit of grace.

• 54:15Lewis Howes?

  I love that. I have two final questions for you.

• 54:20Lewis Howes?

  This one is called the three truths. So it's a hypothetical question scenario that I ask everyone towards the end. And you get to imagine that you get to live as long as you want to live.

• 54:34Lewis Howes?

  You'd be as old as you want to be, but it's your final day on earth hypothetically. And you get to create everything from your purpose from now to the rest of your life. Everything you want to do, it all comes true. You manifest, you affirm, you experience everything you want to experience. But for whatever reason, in this hypothetical question, everything you create has to go with you. So this book is gone. This conversation is no longer here. Anything you share is gone. But you get to leave behind three lessons from your whole life experience. Three things you know to be true. And this is all we would have to remember you, Alison, by, are these three lessons that you would share. What would be those three truths for you?

• 55:16Speaker 01

  Life is a gift, which is interesting, as I always say that, and you said it earlier. Life is a gift.

• 55:23Speaker 01

  Show up.

• 55:25Speaker 01

  And start.

• 55:27Speaker 01

  You know, there's interesting, there's something that I learned the other day. And it was some people stop when things get hard and then some people start when things get hard. Just start. You know, a lot of people get scared of their talents. They're scared of the first day of work, first day of school, first day of love to get into that relationship. Just start. And then you have to just show up. Because at the end of the day, if you show up, it's just gonna, whatever is gonna happen is just gonna happen. So start and show up. You know, you just gotta do it.

• 56:07Lewis Howes?

  I love this. And life is a gift.

• 56:09Speaker 01

  Life is a gift.

• 56:11Lewis Howes?

  Before I ask the final question, Allison, I want to acknowledge you. Again, I want to acknowledge you for the journey you've been on and how you continue to show up for your life, for your family, your kids, your friends, and most importantly, for yourself. Because I think you showing up for you is a great, being a great role model for everyone in your life and anyone watching you publicly. You having your routine of getting in the cold plunge and playing pickleball and hanging out with your girlfriends and doing fun activities for you and being there for your kids, I think is an amazing representation of what's possible when people go through a tragedy like what you've been through. So I want to acknowledge you for your joy, your love, your positivity, your

• 56:56Lewis Howes?

  kindness to so many people, and most importantly, your grace. Your grace for yourself, your grace for people who've maybe said critical things over the last year, your grace for Twitch, your grace for everyone. So I really acknowledge you for how you've shown up. It's really beautiful.

• 57:11Speaker 01

  Thank you. I appreciate that.

• 57:13Lewis Howes?

  Of course, yeah.

• 57:14Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 57:15Lewis Howes?

  I'm sure we could go on for a long time, but I want to be respectful of your time. This is, my final question is, what is your definition of greatness?

• 57:23Speaker 01

  Definition of greatness? Such a great question. My definition of greatness.

• 57:35Speaker 01

  How do you show up for yourself? How do you show up? What hard work did you do to make your version of yourself the best? You know, you brought my cold plunging. It's like there are certain things that are non-negotiables for me. I work out almost every single day. I cold plunge almost every single day. I like, personally like to get in the sauna, so I get in the sauna once a week. They're like these non-negotiables for me to make me the healthiest version, to have the most sound mind. And that, to me, is what's created my confidence in myself. And it's that dedication, it's that commitment to really bettering who I am so I can show up for the people around me. But I can't do that until I've done it for myself.

• 58:22Speaker 01

  So that.

• 58:24Speaker 01

  All those things.

• 58:25Lewis Howes?

  That's beautiful. And one more thing came to my mind.

• 58:28Speaker 01

  One more question, one more question. Hit me with it.

• 58:32Lewis Howes?

  Is there anything you wish people would ask you more that they haven't asked you in this last year?

• 58:39Speaker 01

  Wow, that's big.

• 58:48Speaker 01

  The one thing I think I wish people asked more is who are you now?

• 58:58Speaker 01

  Who are you now with or without that trauma? Who are you just right now?

• 59:04Speaker 01

  Instead of having this big expectation or this theory or this made up version or you know, all these things is just who are you now?

• 59:16Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 59:17Speaker 01

  Who are you?

• 59:19Lewis Howes?

  I hope today's episode inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a rundown of today's show with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me as well as ad free listening experience, make sure to subscribe to our greatness plus channel on Apple podcast. If you enjoyed this, please share it with a friend over on social media or text a friend, leave us a review over on Apple podcast and let me know what you learned over on our social media channels at Lewis Howes. I really love hearing the feedback from you and it helps us continue to make the show better. And if you want more inspiration from our world-class guests and content to learn how to improve the quality of your life, then make sure to sign up for the greatness newsletter

• 1:00:02Lewis Howes?

  and get it delivered right to your inbox over at greatness.com/newsletter. And if no one has told you today, I want to remind you that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.