982 The Science of Self-Confidence (How to Command Your Mind) w/Dr. Ivan Joseph

"The tiniest step is the one that moves us toward our goal."Lewis is joined by Dr. Ivan Joseph, a sports psychologist and high-performance coach, to discuss the secret to self-confidence, to walk through a simple exercise to determine your values and purpose, and to learn how to control your thoughts in order to ignore negative feedback and unlock your full potential.- Get 20% off Dr. Joseph's book "You Got This" at drivanjoseph.com with discount code: lewishowes- Psychologist Laurie Santos explains the science behind happiness: https://lewishowes.com/961- Kobe Bryant on Mamba Mentality, NBA Titles, and Oscars: https://link.chtbl.com/691-pod- Sadhguru teaches you how to control your mind: https://lewishowes.com/965 Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Lewis Howes?

  This is episode number 982 with Dr. Ivan Joseph.

• 0:07Lewis Howes?

  Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 0:33Lewis Howes?

  Mel Robbins says, confidence isn't the absence of self doubt. It's being willing to try even though you doubt yourself. And U.S. Open winner Sloane Stephens said, when you have confidence, you can do anything. My guest today is an expert in the development of self-confidence. Dr. Ivan Joseph is a high-performance coach, a sports psychologist, and the author of, You've Got This: Mastering the Skill of Self-Confidence. He also gave a TED Talk on the topic that has received 19 million views and counting. We had a truly enlightening conversation on mental and physical routines that are essential to success. And in this episode, we talk about

• 1:19Lewis Howes?

  how you can graduate from retention to mastery when developing new skills, the crucial difference between negative feedback and critical feedback, the ways gratitude scientifically increases happiness, using a simple exercise to find your values and your purpose, and this was powerful, how to avoid the simple things that ruin people's pursuit of greatness, how to coach your kids and athletes so they can achieve greatness without discouraging their talents, and so much more. I think you're going to love this episode. So please share this with someone who you think needs to hear it, who you can make an impact on their life. And a quick reminder to subscribe to the School of Greatness on Apple Podcast,

• 2:03Lewis Howes?

  and make sure to leave us a five-star rating and review as well. And without further ado, let's dive into this episode with the The only Dr. Ivan Joseph. Welcome everyone back to the School of Greatness podcast. We've got Dr. Ivan Joseph in the house. Good to see you, man.

• 2:19Ivan Joseph?

  Thanks for having me, Lewis.

• 2:20Lewis Howes?

  Thanks for coming from Canada. Very excited about this because you have been studying self-confidence, resilience, optimism as an athlete, as a national championship coach, as a sports psychologist, as a high-performance coach for leaders in business for a while now. And but you weren't that great of an athlete, is that right?

• 2:40Ivan Joseph?

  Uh, thank you for bringing that up. I'll send to the subject. I was average at best, you know, as but as you know, like a fish story, the further away I get from it, the better athlete I was.

• 2:49Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, you had some legendary moments.

• 2:52Ivan Joseph?

  Yes, we'll hang on to that.

• 2:53Lewis Howes?

  Now, do you feel like because you weren't the best or you weren't the all-star, do you feel like that makes you a better coach, that you're able to see things differently? And you can be better in other ways or?

• 3:06Ivan Joseph?

  That's a good question. You know what? I was average at best and you know, I mean, level, I was captain of my small college team all-conference. Um, but what really makes me a better is a better coach is because, um, I'll say it this way. I was an educator before I was a coach. So I understand how to teach skill acquisition, not just for, you know, learning the skill, but really for mastery and retention.

• 3:32Lewis Howes?

  How do we master skills?

• 3:34Ivan Joseph?

  Oh, here, now you're going into my more learning days. So I was a professor in my early days. So many people don't think about skill in terms of retention versus mastery, right? How quickly we learn a skill is one thing, but how we master a skill is another. And there's two different ways to teach that skill. You're you're an athlete, so you know it. So if I do the same skill over and over and over again, called block practice, my skill retention will be will be or my skill acquisition, you'll look really good, right? So I want to learn how to, I'm making it a pole vault. You're a pole alter. Get on there, plant the pole, plant the pole, plant the pole, plant the pole. At the end of the day, when I measure plant the pole skill, I'll look really good. But if I said to you, I really want you to learn that skill and I came back a month later

• 4:16Ivan Joseph?

  and I and I asked you to plant the pole, you would maybe score a four out of 10. But let's say a month earlier, I said, I'm still going to teach you plant the pole, but I want you to plant the pole. I want you to work on your your spring off the top and I want to I want to work on your barrel roll over it. And I did all three of those skills in different random order. At the end of the day, your plant, the pole skill wouldn't be as high. But if I came back a month later, your retention of that skill would be way higher than the time I did it over and over and over again.

• 4:45Lewis Howes?

  Why is that?

• 4:47Ivan Joseph?

  Because what happens is we groove a motor pattern. So think of it like the Appian Way, if you've ever been to Rome. In the Appian Way, there's these chariots grooves. And the horse can basically find its way wherever it's going because over time, those chariots have grooved their path into that stone. And it's very similar with the motor signal that goes from your brain to your muscles. When you're doing something, it just becomes automatic, automatic, automatic. And so you don't have to attend to it as much. When the skill is more novel, so every time it's variable, you have to attend to that skill every single time. So there's no latency memory, there's no pattern that's developed. And so you gotta really work hard at learning that new pattern. And there's where the retention, where the mastery happens.

• 5:32Lewis Howes?

  The repetition of the pattern.

• 5:34Ivan Joseph?

  The repetition of the pattern. So people sometimes hear me say repetition, repetition, repetition. And they wanna do the same skill over and over and over again and over and again and think, well, I've had mastery. Not necessarily true, right? Vary the patterns, right?

• 5:48Lewis Howes?

  What do you mean by vary the patterns?

• 5:49Ivan Joseph?

  So whatever the skill is, right? Vary it, so put three skills together.

• 5:54Lewis Howes?

  So instead of just run up to the pole vault, we're using this as an example, run up and plant the pole and go up and come back.

• 6:00Ivan Joseph?

  Yes.

• 6:01Lewis Howes?

  It's go up, plant the pole, go upside down and go over.

• 6:05Ivan Joseph?

  Yes.

• 6:06Lewis Howes?

  And do that over and over again, not the one skill, but all three.

• 6:09Ivan Joseph?

  All three. So but then the first time, really focus on getting that plant right. On the second time, don't worry whatever plant you get, but really focus on this stuff at the top of the pole. Right? Wherever you're attending to that skill will be different and you'll get greater success.

• 6:24Lewis Howes?

  So you'll get greater success by coupling the skills than by just focusing on one skill?

• 6:28Ivan Joseph?

  Yes.

• 6:29Lewis Howes?

  But why is, why is that psychologically or physically? As opposed to doing the same thing perfectly, practicing perfectly, one thing. I think that's, I can't remember, Daniel Coyle, maybe he said that or something. Why try to do three things really well as opposed to one thing perfect?

• 6:46Ivan Joseph?

  And that's a good question, right? So you're talking about the skill of acquisition or the acquisition of a skill, right? Which is different than how you want to feel psychologically, right? So these are two different things. So some folks, and this is where it's really important when you're teaching and coaching folks, because some people, they need to feel really good. So you better let them see that immediate success and immediate gratification from doing that, or else they'll shut down, right? And so you've got to balance that psychological impact that you need, that your player needs, that your leader needs, by not seeing immediate success with the learning that you want to have as a coach. Because as a coach, you'll have a bigger, longer-term picture.

• 7:29Ivan Joseph?

  And you know that every athlete will react to it differently. Some people need that immediate, immediate impact of gratification. Thanks, the words that, I can't defer it. But, so now you're asking about more learning techniques versus psychological approach to the game. And both of those are different. Both of those are two different skills that you need to then figure out, how do you blend both to build the perfect leader, the perfect athlete, the perfect performer?

• 7:56Lewis Howes?

  It seems like it's really hard to be a coach of a big team.

• 8:00Ivan Joseph?

  Yeah.

• 8:00Lewis Howes?

  How do you, how do you know? Like, the skill of learning how to coach multiple personalities is a whole nother.

• 8:06Ivan Joseph?

  Oh, God.

• 8:07Lewis Howes?

  Like, how do you know when to give someone positive encouragement with instant gratification? When to delay that for someone else? What to say? Like, you have to be such an intuitive, present individual to coach a large team of athletes.

• 8:18Ivan Joseph?

  Yeah, and I will say this. It's not just multi-personal, multiple personalities. It's also the different genders that we have, right? All across, whatever we identify with, everybody has a different personality and they approach it differently.

• 8:32Lewis Howes?

  With their gender or with their personality?

• 8:34Ivan Joseph?

  All.

• 8:35Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 8:35Ivan Joseph?

  All. So, don't do this. And you use the word intuitive. You have to be intuitive. No, I think we need to ask. When I think about what I did as a coach at the very beginning when I brought my students in, I'm going to recruit you. Now you just made the team, Lewis. Lewis, tell me, how do I bring out the best in you? Lewis, tell me what makes you angry? What's a pet peeve that I do? How will I shut you down? And so I took that same approach that I brought to a national championship team, and I brought it to the culture of leading high performers as a director of athletics. I took over an athletic department that every team had a losing record. We had, we were just woeful. The only reason I got the job.

• 9:15Lewis Howes?

  You're like, who is sorry enough to take this now?

• 9:17Ivan Joseph?

  I'm not even kidding. That's exact, the job was vacant for 18 months because nobody wanted it. But as an HR consultant, you should be doing that same process as part of your onboarding. At the middle of the year, when I'm doing performance management, it's not just about goals. Okay, tell me something I did by accident that you really liked. Okay, that I need to keep doing. Because sometimes, okay, tell me something that I'm doing that is really frustrating to you. Okay, what do you need in order to be, for you to be able to do your job better? Not resources, but for me as a leader. Like, we shouldn't leave those questions to be accidental.

• 9:54Lewis Howes?

  That's, that is really important. How many kids were on the, or athletes were on the soccer team that you took over?

• 9:58Ivan Joseph?

  Twenty-two.

• 9:59Lewis Howes?

  Twenty-two. So if you ask this to all 22 people and they all tell you something different, you know, I really didn't like when you did this. I really liked when you did this. Can you change this? Can you do this? That's a lot of requests from 22 different athletes of, who have different personalities, different positive things, maybe challenging things about them, that then you have to take that information in, assimilate it, and say, okay, I'm going to bend my personality and flex my coaching for 22 individuals to make them all happy. Is that even possible?

• 10:29Ivan Joseph?

  I will say this. It's hard. But I have a team of three or four. I had my head coach, my assistant coach, my goalkeeper coach. I had the defensive coach who worked with these four. I had, I worked with these folks. But their job was to remind me as well. So I had a star player. His name was Kevin Suter. He lives in Scotland right now. My first player to be drafted into the MLS, played, I remember him. There's a picture of him playing against David Beckham. When I first brought him in, he was an outstanding player. He was like a little, like, you know when you get an animal from the pound and you move too quickly and it shies? Because you think it's, you know, they're gonna, he's gonna hit it or something like that? He was like, if you moved aggressively or assertively... I just saw his game just go boom, right?

• 11:14Ivan Joseph?

  Just fall off the planet. And I had to stroke him. He needed to be praised. He, if I raised my voice and just what was something like, oh, man, you did that wrong. He would shut down. And there was another guy over here, what the hell's wrong with you? Right? There was another player, I remember there was a player. We talk about arousal, you know, get people up, get people ready. He would never do the warm up with the team. He always would go off and say a little prayer. That was his, his job. And I remember this because he, there was a span where he had two or three red cards in five games. I'm like, what is, this guy was too pumped, he's too jacked, he's too hyped. And he needed to get in a different headspace to bring out the best in him.

• 11:56Ivan Joseph?

  So, yes, it's hard, but if we're, if we're pursuing high performance, it, my job is to bring out the best in those folks.

• 12:04Lewis Howes?

  To get high performance on a team, you almost can't have a one size fits all approach to the team. You can have team goals, team vision, team like, we're all aligned on this mission. But individually, you'll need to adjust and flex your communication style a little bit for each person, I'm assuming.

• 12:20Ivan Joseph?

  This is, this is my belief, right? And it's led to success in my, in my personal career.

• 12:26Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 12:26Ivan Joseph?

  And, and the key of this all is the ability to communicate. Not one way, two way. And to be open to the challenges that come with that communication.

• 12:36Lewis Howes?

  Yes. Now, here's the, you know, I had many different coaches. I had some great coaches and I remember my first coach, uh, playing Division Two football, was a screamer, was a screamer, was a, you're stupid, you're an idiot, you're a swearer, you know, aggressive, in your face. That was, I don't know if that was his love language or what, but he was screaming at me all the time. If it was, even if he did it right.

• 12:58Ivan Joseph?

  Yeah.

• 12:59Lewis Howes?

  But you missed this, whatever it was, right? It was like, that was his way of communicating, there was no flexing. And I remember, I'm the type of guy who shuts down, the more and more you do that. Like, if I need it once in a while, cool. But when you blow the whistle and you single me out in front of a hundred guys, it'd be like, you messed up over and over again. It's like, that doesn't make me encouraged to do better. Maybe once in a while, if I keep messing up, I get it. And I had to learn how to overcome that psychologically, which was very challenging because I would beat myself up even more. I would say those things to myself even more. How do we adjust our self-confidence when the coach, your leader, boss, whatever, your partner,

• 13:42Lewis Howes?

  is an aggressive type or maybe just communicates in a style that doesn't work for your belief and confidence in yourself? And you've tried communicating to them. You've tried giving feedback on how they can improve their communication, and it still doesn't change. And you're, but you're on the team and you're on the job. How do you build confidence in yourself in spite of that adversity?

• 14:07Ivan Joseph?

  And this is a tough one because they have all the power, right? They have all the authoritative official power. But one of the things I always talk about is who do you give your power away to? Right? And so there's one thing to be in that relationship in some way. And there's another thing to give your power away to them, meaning fully engage and embrace them. What if I came in here, I'm nobody, and I said, "This podcast sucks. This is terrible." Like, "I'm this guy from the street. I got maybe two cents worth of credibility." Like, "Well, that guy was a jack whatever." And you would, if maybe Tony Robbins came in here and gave you some feedback, maybe then you'd be starting to hear it, right? And so I say this because there are people that are always going to be coming at you. Right? Recognize what are they really experts in?

• 14:52Ivan Joseph?

  And do you choose to give your power away to them? And I always say, "Get away from the people who will tear you down." Now, sometimes you can't do that because they're in your family, they're your boss. But you can choose to limit your interaction with them. You can choose to make sure you're discerning the difference between negative feedback and critical feedback. The negative feedback type, "This is what's wrong. This is why it's broken. This is what's happening. This is why you suck. This is why it's not happening." Don't pay any attention, those folks. The critical feedback. Here's what's wrong. Here's what's broken. Here's what I recommend. Here's what I suggest. And lastly, I think, well, not lastly, but one of the other key points I'll say is, who do you choose also in your life in that circle to surround yourself to counter that piece?

• 15:37Ivan Joseph?

  And I think this is key. Yes, right? You know, like, you need somebody that's gonna stroke you. Because it's hard, okay? You can go in the mirror, yes, yes. But you need, everybody needs a little love. Everybody needs a little love, right?

• 15:49Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 15:52Lewis Howes?

  So how do we, how do we build that confidence in ourself when all we hear is that negative feedback, though? And that we, it's gonna happen. We can distance ourself, but we keep hearing it. How do we then say, okay, I'm not gonna listen to this, but it really affects me and it hurts me?

• 16:08Ivan Joseph?

  Yes.

• 16:08Lewis Howes?

  How do you then say, alright, I'm gonna hear it every day or every week. It's gonna come my way, no matter what I do. Psychologically, internally, what are the tools or the skills we can acquire to develop that belief?

• 16:21Ivan Joseph?

  First thing I always say is you gotta take yourself back to any time in your past career, or even current career, and remind yourself of all the things that you're good at. All the accomplishments.

• 16:30Lewis Howes?

  Celebrate your wins.

• 16:32Ivan Joseph?

  Amen, right? He is what, man, I'm a tall, handsome, brown man. You know, I'm really good in math. I look good in white dress shirts. Whatever those things are. Remember, Ivan, you were the first person to get your PhD before the age of 30. Whatever those things are, and it's not enough just to tell yourself, you gotta write it down. When I took that job as an AD, even when as a job as a vice president, I, you know, self doubt comes in. There's enough people tell, I got people...

• 16:58Lewis Howes?

  I've never done this before. Why should I be in this position?

• 17:01Ivan Joseph?

  He only got the job because he's black. You only got the job because you're a woman. Whatever it is, there's all people that are gonna be coming at you. And if you're not careful, you'll start to take on those thoughts. And then those thoughts will influence your belief system. And that belief system will then influence your actions. And you'll start messing up. And it's this self fulfilling prophecy. So stop that thought. Put something down on paper. You'll hear me speak about a self-confidence letter, a letter you write to yourself.

• 17:28Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 17:28Ivan Joseph?

  Dear Louis, congratulations on building your business. You set a goal and you accomplished it. I was in a li- whatever it is, write and it's your personal brag sheet to yourself. When I became an A D, I had to read that probably, I kid you not, two weeks straight. And this isn't about ego.

• 17:47Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 17:47Ivan Joseph?

  This isn't about, oh, you're telling everybody how good you are. No, this is your personal brag sheet. And I equate this to, you remember when you were at a track and field meet and you were a kid? There's some kids that put their medals on and they walk around the track and first place, first place, first place. And then there's the person who takes their medal and puts it in their bag. But when they get home at night, they put it on and they're looking at them and it's like, yes, yes. Whatever that is, that's the difference about a self-confidence letter.

• 18:13Lewis Howes?

  Interesting. Uh, yeah, self-confidence letter or a letter to yourself. We, we call this rainy day notes from an exercise that I've been through where it's like, write yourself a letter that when you're going through something challenging, you open it up.

• 18:25Ivan Joseph?

  I love that.

• 18:25Lewis Howes?

  And you remind yourself of your gift, how much you matter, you know, the contribution you've made in your life, your family, your friends, things like that.

• 18:33Ivan Joseph?

  Yeah.

• 18:33Lewis Howes?

  Uh, or you could get a group of friends to write letters to you that you seal and you open up when you need some inspiration or motivation.

• 18:41Ivan Joseph?

  I love it. There's a researcher, um, by the name of Lubermowski, Sonya Lubermowski. And she speaks about, um, taking a gratitude, um, taking a letter and writing it to one of your friends, a gratitude letter to your friends, telling them of all the things you appreciate in them. And how that builds your happiness and your optimism and your confidence. Not just in the moment, but even when they come back 30 days later, it's even higher than in the moment.

• 19:07Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 19:07Ivan Joseph?

  Right? And so those are the things you need to think about is, okay. You know, sometimes we think about just the letter to ourselves, but if you can share that happiness and genuine praise with others, it also boosts your own happiness and optimism.

• 19:20Lewis Howes?

  Why is that? When we express gratitude or appreciation towards others, it increases our happiness.

• 19:25Ivan Joseph?

  What they say, the science of it says it releases dopamine, right? And then when dopamine comes in your, uh, it's the, it's the, I'll say the endorphin, the happiness chemical. And the more dopamine in there, the better you feel. Unfortunately, as you get older, dopamine receptors, dopamine gets down in your body.

• 19:42Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 19:43Ivan Joseph?

  Yes.

• 19:43Lewis Howes?

  Just naturally or?

• 19:44Ivan Joseph?

  Naturally. Naturally goes down.

• 19:46Lewis Howes?

  Actively build it.

• 19:47Ivan Joseph?

  Yeah. You always wonder why grumpy old man. What is it? I'm getting to be the grumpy old man.

• 19:53Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 19:54Ivan Joseph?

  I got to get my dopamine up. So you got.

• 19:57Lewis Howes?

  So it's a chemical thing where it's like testosterone or something else.

• 20:01Ivan Joseph?

  Exactly.

• 20:01Lewis Howes?

  As the order you get, you start losing it.

• 20:03Ivan Joseph?

  Yes. I feel it. I feel it coming on.

• 20:06Lewis Howes?

  You already feel grumpy?

• 20:07Ivan Joseph?

  I already am a, you know what? I'm like, you're the crazy whipper snipper man. I got less patience. I feel it's like, I'll be coming back. Am I Sanford and Son? Is that what's happening?

• 20:17Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 20:17Ivan Joseph?

  You're not old enough to know even who Red. Are you old enough to know who Red Fox is Sanford and Son?

• 20:21Lewis Howes?

  Sanford and Son, yes.

• 20:22Ivan Joseph?

  Old junk man. Okay, just checking, just checking.

• 20:24Lewis Howes?

  So you're, it's interesting. So there's something you really got to cultivate. I interviewed Dr. Laurie Santos on, and she's got the happiness lab. She's a, I think it's one of the most popular classes at Yale.

• 20:34Ivan Joseph?

  Yale, yeah.

• 20:35Lewis Howes?

  And I asked her, I go, what are their, you know, she was talking about gratitude as one of the key factors of happiness. And I go, you're talking like a self-help personal development person now.

• 20:46Ivan Joseph?

  Like a guru.

• 20:47Lewis Howes?

  With no science backing anything, just saying be grateful and express gratitude and appreciation. She's like, this science is proving that that is true. The more you express gratitude, the happier you'll become. The more you do for others and contribute to others, the happier you become.

• 21:01Ivan Joseph?

  The, the science of, and not only just from feeling good and happiness, but the science also then links that to performance. And don't quote me on the numbers, but it's related to your creativity output, right? I think the same Lubomowski, the same study she did. I think you're 19% more productive. Analytic problem solving, you're 29% quicker to solve complex problems. And here's the big one.

• 21:26Lewis Howes?

  When you're what?

• 21:27Ivan Joseph?

  When you're happier, when you express gratitude, when you use positive statements of affirmation to yourself. The big one, you increase your revenue by 36% if you use three statements of happiness, personal affirmations.

• 21:41Lewis Howes?

  No way.

• 21:42Ivan Joseph?

  Sonya Lubomowski, 2006 Harvard study.

• 21:45Lewis Howes?

  Wow, so if you do, how are you going to increase your income?

• 21:48Ivan Joseph?

  Three affirmations, three positive statements of gratitude, three expressions of hope, warmth, joy. That is what showed, yeah.

• 21:57Lewis Howes?

  Wow, about yourself, about?

• 21:59Ivan Joseph?

  Either, yourself or others.

• 22:01Lewis Howes?

  Oh, interesting. Now, what if you're, what if you're saying something about yourself, but you're really lying? You talk about this too, it's like, is it a, you know, the science of lying to yourself? How do you say something like, "I'm a great individual," when you're like, "Actually, I haven't been a great individual. I've been bad, treating people bad, I haven't been showing up on time," whatever it is.

• 22:23Ivan Joseph?

  Yeah, and so this is an interesting one.

• 22:25Lewis Howes?

  The, the, the lying self-talk that hurts you.

• 22:30Ivan Joseph?

  It's hard to say, because what might be a lie to me may not be a lie to you. I'll tell you a story, I had a guy, his name is Kyle, who made my soccer team, and he believed that he was the greatest guy. I'm like, "I'm gonna make this team." That guy showed up, and he had like a foot like a donkey, right? And I remember seeing him come on to my team, and I'd just taken over this team at Ryerson. I was like, "Oh, he's a black guy from Jamaica, he's gonna be fast, he's so happy." I was never so disappointed.

• 22:55Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 22:55Ivan Joseph?

  Right, and that guy was gonna be an equipment manager.

• 22:58Lewis Howes?

  At best.

• 22:58Ivan Joseph?

  Yeah, at best. Fast, like, fast forward four or five years, this guy became the captain of my team, an all-Canadian, and the starter on my first-ever team that went to the national championships. He had no business believing that he was good enough to make this team. I mean, I coached at this championship, that world championship, Olympic World Cup qualifier, like. So, maybe I'm not the one to judge what is a lie. But I will tell you, if you think you're gonna fly, I'm gonna be a bajillion dollars, I'm gonna be a million dollars. I will tell you, it's not the statement that really sets you up. It's the fact that people then start putting into their psychological mindset, steps to move them in that direction.

• 23:40Ivan Joseph?

  Whatever those little steps are, they stop feeling helpless and unable to affect their own destiny, and start moving in the right direction, and that's where the impact happens.

• 23:51Lewis Howes?

  That's, that's an interesting thought, because you might look at someone like Jeff Bezos, who's like, "I'm gonna build a trillion-dollar company," when he'd never done anything close to it. Well, you might have laughed at him, but... Even though he was lying to himself in the moment, he didn't have that. But he was setting himself up to create that and to become the person he needed to become. The leader, the man, the human to develop the skills to potentially do that one day.

• 24:17Ivan Joseph?

  Yeah.

• 24:17Lewis Howes?

  Is that right? Or like, you know, Tesla with Elon Musk or, you know, sending rockets out into space and all these different things.

• 24:23Ivan Joseph?

  I can't imagine, and I'm gonna ask you for my own, let's turn the tables. When you were sitting on your sister's sofa, what were you thinking when you thought, when it started to germinate? When did the seeds start to germinate?

• 24:36Lewis Howes?

  Uh, I started to really think of, you know, I don't have anything right now and I don't have the skills, the confidence to go do the things I wanna do, the big dreams.

• 24:46Ivan Joseph?

  Yeah.

• 24:47Lewis Howes?

  And so I said to myself, I'm gonna go face all those fears and overcome all those doubts by doing them, by acquiring those skills so that I can then go out and accomplish my dreams. Cause I knew in order to have the dreams come true, I had to overcome a lot of challenges myself.

• 25:02Ivan Joseph?

  Did you have the dreams though?

• 25:03Lewis Howes?

  Well, I had a lot of big dreams.

• 25:04Ivan Joseph?

  But you weren't articulating them?

• 25:06Lewis Howes?

  I had very specific dreams. Yeah, yeah.

• 25:08Ivan Joseph?

  But you must, people must have thought you were crazy. Like you were lying.

• 25:11Lewis Howes?

  People thought I was crazy, yeah.

• 25:12Ivan Joseph?

  You didn't even have two.

• 25:12Lewis Howes?

  My family was like, go get a job.

• 25:14Ivan Joseph?

  You know, yeah, you didn't even got two shoes to work together, right?

• 25:16Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 25:17Ivan Joseph?

  So.

• 25:18Lewis Howes?

  But I believed it. And that's all that matters really for me.

• 25:21Ivan Joseph?

  You preach.

• 25:22Lewis Howes?

  And I think, you know, and I say this a lot to people that it doesn't matter if the world believes that you're, and you probably had a lot of great athletes as well, who you were like, you're amazing, you're the best, you can be so great, but dating and believing themselves. And it didn't matter if you and every other player thought they were incredible, if they didn't believe it, they were gonna be subpar. And the reverse is, it doesn't matter if everyone else is against you or doesn't think that you have the skills, if you believe it, you can make it come true, which I think is unbelievable.

• 25:50Ivan Joseph?

  I will tell you the number, there's two factors I've always seen that derail a young athlete or a young professional's career. Number one is their self doubt, right? Their inability to believe in themselves. And interestingly enough, number two is the people that they have surrounded themselves with that become distractions that take them away from their goals. Over and over and over again. They fall into the wrong crowd, they get with the wrong partner, they.

• 26:17Lewis Howes?

  The wrong advice.

• 26:18Ivan Joseph?

  Yes.

• 26:18Lewis Howes?

  I think of Maurice Claret. I don't know if you know who he is.

• 26:21Ivan Joseph?

  Yes.

• 26:21Lewis Howes?

  I'm from Ohio and so, we're the same age. And so when he was a freshman and they won the national championship and. He was like this all-star running back, was like, this is the chosen one, he's gonna do unbelievable things, but then he was surrounding himself with the wrong people who got him into the wrong things and influenced and persuaded him to do bad things, to take the wrong steps. And that sent him to jail and he never got in the NFL. And he was so much talent that could have been.

• 26:48Ivan Joseph?

  It's such a shame, I remember that story quite vividly when he declared.

• 26:52Lewis Howes?

  Yup, he has early.

• 26:54Ivan Joseph?

  Didn't the NFL change the rules to make sure that that never happened again?

• 26:57Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah, and he, and so it goes to show that being around the wrong people could influence you and potentially set you up in the wrong ways. So how do we make sure that we get out of that when we're so, we're such social creatures that we don't want to hurt people's feelings, that we, it's hard to go meet new people. You know, this is your comfort zone, these are your boys from the past, like, they've been with you. How do we get out of that and say, hey, guys, like, I'm gonna do this thing over here instead?

• 27:24Ivan Joseph?

  Oh, I wish I could give you the gospel on that, because that is harder to do than what I'm gonna say. But here's where I always believe, and every time I have not done this, I have faltered. We all have that little tiny voice in our head. Whenever I don't listen to that little tiny voice in my head, I falter. And to me, that tiny little voice is, you know, I don't know, I'm gonna use some voodoo language, you know, you got your head voice and you got your heart voice. And it's hard to, whenever I make a decision purely logically, I always am bitter, right? If I buy the cheap car instead of the one I want, if I do like the practical decision instead of the emotional one, I'm always bitter.

• 28:08Ivan Joseph?

  And then you got this little heart that's sitting there, that little self-conscious piece, that's telling you when you know when you're going south. I don't know if it's your crap detector or your holy smoke detector, there's no science behind this, but anytime I don't listen to that voice, I, when I fall off my values and my principles, I go south. And it's cost me money, it's cost me friendships, it's cost me opportunities.

• 28:34Lewis Howes?

  How do you determine what your values and principles are when you're not sure?

• 28:40Ivan Joseph?

  Ah, it's a good question. I'm gonna walk you through a little exercise. Do we have time for it?

• 28:44Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 28:44Ivan Joseph?

  Alright, I'm gonna ask you and then we'll do it together. I call it my purpose exercise. What's the, in the last 18 months, what's the most important decision you've made? I'll do mine, right? And, and we'll share it for 30 seconds. In the last 18 months, you know, um, I gotta be careful with this one. But, but I've, I've made a decision, right? To, to take the vice president's job at Dalhousie University. I was the king of my fiftham. I had all the freedom, all the things I want. Um, and I made a decision to take that job. Boom.

• 29:18Lewis Howes?

  A decision I made was to get into a relationship. Yeah, a new relationship in the last 18 months, yeah.

• 29:25Ivan Joseph?

  You got now seven words, only seven, to tell me why you made that decision. And so I could be nice and fluffy. I had, it was time for a new challenge, seven words. I could say, I had outgrown the job, right? I was bored, whatever it is, but seven words.

• 29:48Lewis Howes?

  She made me a better version of myself.

• 29:52Ivan Joseph?

  Ooh, nicely done.

• 29:53Lewis Howes?

  I don't know if that's seven, but...

• 29:54Ivan Joseph?

  Yeah, that's pretty close. Why her? So for me, why this job, right? People told me I couldn't do it. The one word, and it's gotta be a value, the challenge. Right? The challenge.

• 30:09Lewis Howes?

  One word?

• 30:10Ivan Joseph?

  Yeah.

• 30:10Lewis Howes?

  Why her? Uh, vision.

• 30:12Ivan Joseph?

  Right?

• 30:13Lewis Howes?

  Five years ago, I had done a guided visualization of the dream person I wanted to be with.

• 30:19Ivan Joseph?

  Yeah.

• 30:19Lewis Howes?

  And she was the image of that vision.

• 30:23Ivan Joseph?

  So now, we've just found two values, right? For one of my values is challenge. One of your values is growth, vision, whatever that word is, this, you saw it. And so when you start asking yourselves these questions, what's the most important decision you made in work? What's the most important decision you've made in your family? What's the most important decision you did for yourself? Right, what's the most important decision you make when taking on a conflict? Those help, that's the exercise I do.

• 30:50Lewis Howes?

  To create a list of your values.

• 30:51Ivan Joseph?

  To help me find my north stars.

• 30:53Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 30:53Ivan Joseph?

  And whenever those things are in alignment, you'll hear Daniel Pink talks about this, transcendent purpose. Whenever those things are in alignment, happiness, confidence, success, performance goes up. When they're not, sick days go up, disease goes up, conflict arises.

• 31:10Lewis Howes?

  Poor choices, yeah.

• 31:11Ivan Joseph?

  Right, and so those are the things you need to think about. Now, that's the exercise I use, but I find it very, very helpful.

• 31:18Lewis Howes?

  Wow. So back to this science of lying. So, how do we lie to ourselves in a positive way to set ourselves up for success or accomplishing our dreams? If I have, I've been doubting myself for a long time. And, you know, I've got no money, and I've got no skills, and flunked out of college, whatever it is. But I got this big dream, and I'm gonna do this thing. Like, how do I, is that actually realistic to say those things? Or how do I then use that dream and that image in my mind of what I want to create, who I'm gonna become? How do I then apply that into life? To actually making it come true when it seems so far away?

• 31:57Ivan Joseph?

  I love this. So I will say this. Everybody's dreams are lies, because they don't exist. Right, everybody's dreams are, they're just making that up. And that's why they're dreams. And so the difference, though, between people who are successful or not is how they choose to pursue those dreams. So let's just say I had a dream to become an Olympian. I always in my mind picture that dream on the top of a staircase. And I have these series of steps that go down. And every step represents a quantifiable smart goal that I'm gonna put on there. Right, so let's, I've got a dream.

• 32:35Lewis Howes?

  Speaking my language, because I would frame my dreams and goals and...

• 32:38Ivan Joseph?

  100%. So my first, I'm gonna get out of bed every day and exercise for thirty minutes. Every, I'm gonna get out of bed.

• 32:46Lewis Howes?

  That's step, that's step one.

• 32:47Ivan Joseph?

  Exactly. What's step two? I'm gonna get out of bed every day, right? And I'm gonna find myself a coach. That is from the very, I am gonna, I love what you did. Uh, when you went to New York City, same thing Bruce Jenner did. When he decided he wanted to go to the Olympics, he found out where the best people were that were training for the decathlon. He went to San Diego and he started training with them. Step number three. I'm gonna find the best person in my field and I'm gonna be relentless and pursue them and train with them. If that means I gotta pick up their shoes, if that means I gotta clean their toilet, whatever that is. And that is you start putting those steps in there. Now, when you put those steps in, be like, oh, success came. No, they're gonna say, no, hell no. Just like, like they said to you, what are you doing here, Gringo?

• 33:32Ivan Joseph?

  You don't belong here. This is Eastern European handball.

• 33:35Lewis Howes?

  Exactly.

• 33:35Ivan Joseph?

  Right? But now you got to say, stop. Don't let that come in. That's where you use the power of affirmations. Stop. We talk in psychology about this thing called centering. Physical actions that you'll see athletes do.

• 33:50Lewis Howes?

  Like a trigger, like some like a snap of a rubber band.

• 33:53Ivan Joseph?

  Stop the negative thought.

• 33:54Lewis Howes?

  Slap in the face, whatever it is, right?

• 33:56Ivan Joseph?

  Yeah, replace, deep breath in, you got this.

• 33:58Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 33:59Ivan Joseph?

  Right? Whatever that is. Whatever it is, when, because you're gonna be on your step, your first step. I didn't get up today, you start again tomorrow.

• 34:07Lewis Howes?

  So you need that mantra or positive affirmation or stopping process and then a mantra, right?

• 34:12Ivan Joseph?

  Yes.

• 34:12Lewis Howes?

  You gotta stop and add a positive affirmation.

• 34:15Ivan Joseph?

  Make it automatic and recognize that it's a skill. Get your three. You got this, I work harder than anybody, nobody outworks me, I can learn everything. And whatever it is, get it ready. And then figure out what your trigger is gonna be. Don't mix it all up, get your trigger. Um, a friend of mine was, when he was trying to quit smoking, he put it all, his hands was always in there because he always jingled coins. Uh, another person, um, always their keychain, shake, shake. And then it becomes automatic, becomes automatic and that's where you want it to be. I got this. I got, you can't beat me cigarettes. No, no, no, not today. Whatever that might be. But. Recognize how important it is to ladder up that step because if you put that big dream out there, it becomes so overwhelming. Where am I gonna start? Oh my gosh.

• 34:58Ivan Joseph?

  The tiniest step is the one that moves us towards our goal. The tiniest step.

• 35:03Lewis Howes?

  And then do you celebrate after you reach the next step? Or how do you?

• 35:06Ivan Joseph?

  You've been studying.

• 35:07Lewis Howes?

  I feel like I've studied a lot of sports psychology just through the practice of sports and then reading a lot of books and interviewing a lot of people, but I always love everyone's take on it, so.

• 35:16Ivan Joseph?

  This is, I think, a mistake that people make is they don't take a moment to make the celebrations. And so they don't ever get to reward it. I just tweeted the other day, somebody who graduated from high school, um, university, and I said, savor the moment. Um, your, your person from Yale, her, she will, she will speak about savor, savoring. That's a big component about happiness. And savoring means live in it, feel it, relish it, embrace it. You know, when sometimes it's cold and you wanna just get out in the sun, you're just like, ah, and you just feel it? That's savoring.

• 35:48Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 35:49Ivan Joseph?

  Pausing, slowing down, engulfing it. It's almost like when something's happening, like pull yourself out and just watch yourself with your friends and appreciate it.

• 36:00Lewis Howes?

  Because those moments don't happen that often.

• 36:02Ivan Joseph?

  No.

• 36:02Lewis Howes?

  You've gotta really create those little moments every day in order to make them happen. I remember when I, uh, my whole dream was to be an All-American athlete growing up. And when I took on the goal of doing this into the decathlon, I told you before the, the show a little bit that I, you know, I had six months to train for the decathlon in my senior year. I decided to do it my senior year. I waited. And I remember I got, um, the top eight are All-Americans in track and field at each event. And I got eighth place. And I remember I was like, my whole life I've been dreaming about this. I spent six months of like sacrificing all sugar, waking up at 6:00 AM, falling on my back on the pole vault and all these different, you know, heartaches over the last six months.

• 36:43Lewis Howes?

  I finally was on the podium, holding the trophy. I have the trophy in the other room still. And was like, so happy. And then 10 minutes later, I was miserable. And I found every reason why I wasn't good enough. Why I should have gotten sixth place, or how I messed up this event, and how I didn't do this right. And I put myself down more and more, and continued to beat myself up. And I was like, you know what? I'm gonna go out to the next goal. Because I don't feel the way I want to feel, so I gotta go achieve something greater and bigger, to believe in myself more. And I kept doing that, and realizing, no matter how much I achieve or accomplish, I need to savor those moments of celebration. Not even just at the end of the celebration, or the end of the goal,

• 37:28Lewis Howes?

  but each step along the way, I need to celebrate, because it's not about the end.

• 37:34Ivan Joseph?

  You have a thing that what we would, I would identify you with a thing what we call maladaptive perfectionism in the world of sport. So we all, perfectionism is a good thing, right? When it, until it becomes a bad thing.

• 37:47Lewis Howes?

  Obsessive, yeah.

• 37:48Ivan Joseph?

  Right? It's like, ah! And so when perfectionism hinders your ability to have joy, to move on, to pursue something because of your fear of failure, or you're never good enough, or you can't relish your accomplishment, it becomes maladaptive.

• 38:04Lewis Howes?

  What's maladaptive mean? Bad adaptive?

• 38:07Ivan Joseph?

  Yes, right? It's, it's, it's bad for your skills, right? And so just, it sucks.

• 38:13Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 38:14Ivan Joseph?

  And then it inhibits you. And you'll see this in a lot of high-performing athletes, they're driven, who are driven to excellence, that that perfectionism becomes so debilitating, that they then can't perform.

• 38:25Lewis Howes?

  They can't get in the flow.

• 38:26Ivan Joseph?

  And they spiral down. Cheeks meant to hail, like, flow.

• 38:28Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 38:29Ivan Joseph?

  Right?

• 38:29Lewis Howes?

  They can't get in the flow.

• 38:30Ivan Joseph?

  Yeah.

• 38:30Lewis Howes?

  They can't be present, because they're so anxious and worried about everything else.

• 38:34Ivan Joseph?

  I once had an athlete, who, he just, his game just started going down further and further. Every time he had a mistake, oh gosh. I remember, he's like, well, I think, I think I should make nine out of 10 passes, 10 out of 10 passes. And I then, I remember taking him, and putting Roy Keane, a famous footballer on TV, and showed him how Roy Keane made four out of 10 passes, five out of 10 passes. The very best footballer in the world, and you 19-year-old kid wants to make 10 out of 10?

• 39:00Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, good luck.

• 39:01Ivan Joseph?

  Changed his mindset. It allowed him to let go of being excellent. Because if you're perfect, then you could be, but then you're not stretching. You're in some place that's comfortable, where you can be good and excellent. But if you're moving forward and you're driving to these new places where the skill is novel to you, you're a new boss, you're a new leader, of course you're gonna screw up.

• 39:21Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 39:22Ivan Joseph?

  Right? That is the example of you pursuing excellence.

• 39:25Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, you need to fail in order to grow. You need to mess up over and over again to then see and adapt and change and get the feedback necessary to improve.

• 39:33Ivan Joseph?

  Yes.

• 39:34Lewis Howes?

  It is part of the process. You have to fail over and over again.

• 39:38Ivan Joseph?

  Amen.

• 39:39Lewis Howes?

  It's how you handle it with a positive affirmation as opposed to, "I suck, I'm stupid, I'm horrible, I'm never gonna be good enough." It's how you change that. What's that, what is it you call it in psychological terms? When you stop and then adds a mantra, or what's that?

• 39:54Ivan Joseph?

  Psycho...

• 39:54Lewis Howes?

  When you, when you mentioned earlier about, okay, when you do something wrong, you stop it with the trigger.

• 39:59Ivan Joseph?

  Centering.

• 40:00Lewis Howes?

  Centering, and then you add a positive mantra? Is that what you call it?

• 40:03Ivan Joseph?

  Yep.

• 40:03Lewis Howes?

  Centering?

• 40:04Ivan Joseph?

  Centering, so whatever you're, whatever you're centering. And all that is, is gets you out of your head, center here, now you go forward.

• 40:10Lewis Howes?

  In the moment.

• 40:11Ivan Joseph?

  Yeah.

• 40:11Lewis Howes?

  Because so many of us are never in the moment. What about this situation? When you don't have the skills or the repetitions, you haven't done the steps, but you've got a big opportunity that just came in your, on your lap. You've got an interview for something you're really excited about. You've got a first date of your dream girl, whatever it is, you've got this moment and you're like, "Man, but I don't have the reps."

• 40:33Ivan Joseph?

  Yeah.

• 40:34Lewis Howes?

  "I don't have the preparedness, I don't have the confidence, I don't have the skills." Do you just say, "I'm not gonna go into this and I'm not gonna take on the challenge or the speech in front of an audience when I haven't practiced?" How do we lie to ourselves in a positive way to get through that moment and do the best we can without falling on our face?

• 40:55Ivan Joseph?

  It's a good question because what your level of preparation in terms of readiness for the event versus my level of, will always be different. You might have done a thousand repetitions and I did 10,000 and I'm still not ready.

• 41:07Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 41:07Ivan Joseph?

  So, this is true no matter who you are, no matter where you're going into that new and novel situation. And one of the things you have to let go of is being perfect.

• 41:16Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 41:17Ivan Joseph?

  When you, when you set yourself up to go into that event and think that perfection is the only way to excel, to measure success, it will never, it will never happen. One of the things I've always said to myself is this is a process. What am I here to learn? And so that is one of the questions I always tell myself.

• 41:36Lewis Howes?

  But this is a big moment. This is the opportunity. It came to me.

• 41:39Ivan Joseph?

  Yes.

• 41:40Lewis Howes?

  What if I fail?

• 41:40Ivan Joseph?

  And you're going to embrace failure because that is not the outcome that measures your success. If you come into something and say, I, success is only if I don't make a blunder. When you make the failure.

• 41:55Lewis Howes?

  You're done. It's over. You might as well give up.

• 41:57Ivan Joseph?

  Exactly. And, and so reflect on it. It is the reflection after the event. I am in this. I know I'm not ready, but there's lots to learn from me going now. And when, when I do this, I will now be better prepared for the next time.

• 42:11Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 42:12Ivan Joseph?

  I'm a new vice president. I've been, I will say, average at best. Oh, I screwed this up. Screwed this up. I gotta do this better next time. That's always in my head is, man, these are great teachable moments. The next university that gets me for a vice president is gonna be really lucky.

• 42:27Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 42:28Ivan Joseph?

  What am I saying?

• 42:28Lewis Howes?

  The next one.

• 42:31Ivan Joseph?

  What am I saying? How, see how I'm interpreting that feedback?

• 42:34Lewis Howes?

  It's all interpretation. Life is an interpretation.

• 42:36Ivan Joseph?

  This is true. So confident people, they interpret feedback differently.

• 42:41Lewis Howes?

  So true. You're speaking like a self-help coach.

• 42:44Ivan Joseph?

  I am a sports psychologist. It can't help it.

• 42:46Lewis Howes?

  But interpretation, I mean, when, I've studied this emotional intelligence training for a long time. Out of need of suffering and pain and holding on to past hurts and not healing and trauma and all these things. Where, you know, I was, I realized the interpretation of being sexually abused as a kid, holding on to that for 25 years as this horrible painful thing is what kept me down. But when I flipped the interpretation and said, yeah, this sucked and I don't wish it on anyone. But what did I gain from this? And what value did it bring to my life? And how can I improve and make sure this doesn't happen to any other young boy out there in the world? What content can I provide? And how can I become a better human being because of it?

• 43:30Lewis Howes?

  That interpretation switch gives me more joy, more passion, more love, happiness. As opposed to holding on to a negative story interpretation and making that my life.

• 43:41Ivan Joseph?

  Yes. And recognize that, you know, you were doing what's known as protective factors to protect yourself from that, the trauma that that caused. And when you were able to get and embrace that conversation. You know, I can't speak for yourself, but I'm assuming you're able to let go and move forward.

• 44:00Lewis Howes?

  Absolutely, yeah, absolutely. And it takes, you know, it can take you a long time. If you continue to hold on to that, you're never gonna be truly fulfilled if you hold on to that. And so you've got to learn how to interpret things differently. My girlfriend broke up with me. You've got to learn how to say, this is a blessing, not a painful thing, even if it is. Someone died in my life, this is horrible. How can I celebrate their life and not hold on to the pain forever? It's all about interpretation. Guy Winch, I don't know if you've studied Dr. Guy Winch. He talks about rumination, like holding on to rumination of anything, small, big, or in between. And grieving, you know, holding on to this for a lifetime.

• 44:42Ivan Joseph?

  Yeah.

• 44:43Lewis Howes?

  Of ruminating on something that you did wrong, or that didn't work out well, or what you forgot to do. That rumination process will continue to make you doubt yourself and everything you do if you're holding on to it forever. So, that's powerful. I'm curious.

• 44:59Lewis Howes?

  So, it's all about interpretation. When you have a big moment, a big opportunity, you got one shot. Even if you fail, you've got to interpret it beforehand. I had a coach that would, uh, because I used to get really nervous speaking in front of people. I used to be terrified. I don't know if you were terrified speaking in front of people.

• 45:15Ivan Joseph?

  No.

• 45:15Lewis Howes?

  On stage?

• 45:16Ivan Joseph?

  When I was young, you know, you had to play the piano or the, I played the organ, yes. Nobody wants to play the organ.

• 45:21Lewis Howes?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 45:22Ivan Joseph?

  Oh, I sweat bullets underneath that seat, man.

• 45:25Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 45:26Ivan Joseph?

  Yeah.

• 45:27Lewis Howes?

  My, uh, my, I had a speaking coach that, after years of training and speaking, I was still getting nervous in front of audiences, and I didn't know why. And I called him before the speech and he said, "You're still worried about what people think about you. You're still worried about failing in front of people or forgetting to say something. You're going to fail. It's not gonna be perfect." He said exactly what you said. And think of your speech as you're here to serve the audience, not to look good in front of the audience.

• 45:56Ivan Joseph?

  Yeah.

• 45:57Lewis Howes?

  And when I switched that interpretation, I was able to be more in flow and more free and not worried about what people think.

• 46:02Ivan Joseph?

  Love it.

• 46:03Lewis Howes?

  But we are so concerned about this, about what people think about us. How do we overcome that opinion of other people? The judgment, the negative feedback, the gossip behind our back that we don't hear. How do we let go of that? Fear.

• 46:18Ivan Joseph?

  You're asking a question my wife, the counselor, the social worker would talk about right now. One of the reasons why we are so concerned about what other people think and how they how they look at us and what they think about us is because, to be honest with you, we don't love ourselves. And I know this is like, what the heck? When we are not comfortable with who we are, when we're not appreciated by the people around us, we go elsewhere to find it. But one of the key things is that we do that because somewhere along the line, somebody has put us down, somebody has shut us, somebody has told, and then we own that, to your point, then we've worn it like a cloak of shame.

• 47:03Ivan Joseph?

  And we're embarrassed, or we don't feel good about ourselves. You know, there's lots of things you could go back and you could study psychology and say, you know what, he wasn't loved as a child, his mom, or his dad, or his sister, or his wife, or whatever, right? But all of those things, we don't have control over. And so it's when we start to just really look at ourselves and embrace who we are, whatever it is, warts and all, when we really try to just get past all the external pressures of who we are and what society wants us to be, and can truly love ourselves and appreciate the one skill, the one talent that we might have, whatever it is, then we stop performing and needing it to come from Johnny, or Sally, or Frida out there, whoever that is in the

• 47:48Ivan Joseph?

  audience. Then we don't need it. And then we're okay if we fail. The key, though, and you said this right, right there, is that people will interpret all their skills a little bit differently. And sometimes you need that person, that one person, to just remind you of that.

• 48:05Lewis Howes?

  A cheerleader, yeah. How do you love yourself when everyone? And especially you have reminded yourself of how horrible you are all the time. How do you acquire the skill of loving yourself? And then also, how do you love yourself without being too egotistical or too into self? Engulge in so much?

• 48:24Ivan Joseph?

  So let's start with the big one, which is the ego, right? Because I don't believe loving yourself is about telling everybody else. To me, loving yourself is about the things that you tell yourself. It's about how you're putting yourself up and forgiving yourself for your mistakes. It's about how you're willing to look past your baubles and just like, hey, move forward Ivan. You know, the other day I was at a job interview, oh my goodness. And the interview started at this time and it was on Zoom. And I made the time zone wrong and I showed up a half hour late. I'm like, holy sugar sticks. And I was just beating myself up and my wife said, hey, you gotta love yourself.

• 49:08Ivan Joseph?

  Right? And she just reminded me, I got other strengths. I got other things. This one mistake does not define who I am. And that's, I think that's really important. And so then I was able to move forward. But I want to make sure that for all your audience out there, there are people that are mentally unwell. And some of those folks might be battling depression and battling whatever different psychological challenges. Where it's hard for them to love themselves. And they need to either engage in counseling. They need to engage in whatever that process is to get themselves well. I'm not speaking about those folks, well, just flip a switch. Because we need to recognize that some people have different chemicals

• 49:51Ivan Joseph?

  that are in their brain, that are really impacting their ability to make rational decisions and rational thoughts. And so I don't want somebody sitting here and listening here, I can't do it, there's something wrong with me. There are many ways and there's processes and systems. And you have to get help when you're unwell and you're not able to navigate this process by yourself. And if you've been trying for a long time, engage others. Nobody does anything alone.

• 50:17Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 50:17Ivan Joseph?

  Right? Just like put together your team. And so that's an important piece.

• 50:21Lewis Howes?

  Team is so powerful. A life team, you know?

• 50:24Ivan Joseph?

  Yeah, if you've been struggling and you've been using the tools, the letters, the affirmations, all of these things. Recognize and it's hard, there's a stigma with mental health. It's for me, it's if you needed to wear glasses, Louis, because you can't see the board, then it's no different than somebody who has to get a counselor or who has to do cognitive theory, therapy, because it will help them get to where they need to be.

• 50:47Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. What's the greatest single skill in developing self-confidence?

• 50:53Ivan Joseph?

  Oh, that's a good question. I will say the thought-stopping. Because thoughts are beliefs and actions. Can I, can I give you a little example of thought-stopping? So I want you, we'll, we'll pretend like the camera's not there. I want you to share with me for 30 seconds, a powerful story, something you're really proud of achieving.

• 51:18Lewis Howes?

  I was in my young twenties and I was terrified of salsa dancing. So I'm a tall, white guy, in a different culture, and a different language, and a different style of dance that I've ever seen. And so when I went to a salsa club for the first time by accident, and saw I was the only white guy, and it was all Latinos dancing and having this incredible time, it was something I didn't know what I was doing, I was terrified of, I was terrified of it, and I would go every week for three months and not try at all, until I finally got the courage to try it one time. And when I

• 51:56Ivan Joseph?

  Stop there?

• 51:57Lewis Howes?

  Yep.

• 51:57Ivan Joseph?

  Right, I just want to think about how bad you were. I want you to hold up your hand, right or left hand, which one? Left hand is that your strong hand?

• 52:03Lewis Howes?

  It's my weaker hand.

• 52:04Ivan Joseph?

  Whichever is your stronger hand, because, and I'm gonna push it down, but don't let me push it down.

• 52:08Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 52:08Ivan Joseph?

  Ready?

• 52:14Ivan Joseph?

  Excellent, excellent, alright. Man, forgot that, alright. Now I want you to tell you, I want you to

• 52:20Lewis Howes?

  I just lifted the other day, so I'm sore.

• 52:22Ivan Joseph?

  I want you to tell us the last time you screwed up.

• 52:25Lewis Howes?

  Last time I screwed up?

• 52:27Ivan Joseph?

  So this is about fear, this, you know, the other one was almost, you didn't even get to your really strong part yet.

• 52:32Lewis Howes?

  I know.

• 52:32Ivan Joseph?

  But the last time you screwed up?

• 52:36Ivan Joseph?

  Don't, hold it, don't tell me. Now I want you to think about the last time you cried. Okay. Now I want you to think, close your eyes. I want you to think about the worst thing that you do that you wouldn't tell anybody about. Ready? Keep that in your mind. Hold out your right hand. Eyes closed? Yep. Okay. Don't let me push it down. Think of that thing.

• 53:00Ivan Joseph?

  What just happened there? Okay, so, so holding the negative thought in my mind, what, how does that? I want now not to leave you there. So give me three things about yourself that you love. I'm passionate, loving, I'm wise. Right? And I will say this, you are warm, you're engaging, and you're probably one of the best hosts that I've ever had. I've done lots of podcasts. Thank you. Hold your hand up. Right? Right.

• 53:28Ivan Joseph?

  What just happened there? Right, it's changing the thought process. That wasn't about strength. I just went there and tore you. I went right to your heart. And people don't understand how important that thought is. People think it's like, that was voodoo? Imagine what just happened. Did your eyes start to water? Did your heart rate change? Did your chemical reaction change? Toxins, your whole body shifted. Because I induced your greatest and worst thing that you don't want to share with anybody. And I, and I don't know what it is, and I'm not asking. But what I'm saying to yourself is this. If you carried that around all the time, what would you become?

• 54:10Ivan Joseph?

  The, the bad stuff? You'd be super weak and sad and emotional and... You would never take risks? Right. Right? That wasn't, I'm, I'm not gonna be able to lift dumbbells? No! Right, right, right. Right? You would not be able to take risks, you would never put yourself out there because you would be afraid of failure, when you would think you were... So when you ask me what's the most important thing that you can do to build your self-confidence?

• 54:32Ivan Joseph?

  Change your thoughts. Right? Stop living in the moments of your failure. Or what everybody else thinks of you. I'm good at this, I'm good... And then as soon as I just changed that, bam! I didn't even get to the best part of your warm story at the first time. Right, right. Right? It's like, no, stop it there. Right? You was like, I wasn't that good, I was okay. But then when I did it, you were about to say, I was amazing. I didn't want to do it because I know you've been hitting the weight room, I need to have a little bit of movement.

• 54:57Lewis Howes?

  For sure.

• 54:58Ivan Joseph?

  It's a long answer to your question.

• 55:00Lewis Howes?

  No, I think, I think what I'm hearing you say is the greatest skill is to have the skill of positive thought or changing thoughts in any moment that might be holding you back or tearing you down. It's the ability to think in a clear, positive way towards what you're proud about yourself as opposed to what you're unproud of yourself, towards what you're capable of instead of what you lack, towards your vision instead of towards your failures.

• 55:26Ivan Joseph?

  Yes.

• 55:26Lewis Howes?

  When we think of those things consistently on a daily basis, we're going to become stronger every single day.

• 55:32Ivan Joseph?

  Perfect.

• 55:33Lewis Howes?

  The ability to acquire the skill of positive thinking is challenging for so many. Why is it so challenging to have positive thinking skills consistently?

• 55:45Ivan Joseph?

  Well, I think it's this, like if you look at the society that we live in, it's all about competition and we're, and we're always paired up in a way where we compare ourselves to anybody. The Joneses versus the Volkswagens versus the Toyota, like everything that we do, we are not as good. We are, we are othered. We're, if, if, I remember when I lived in Le Monde, Iowa, and I was making, I'm making up the number, $50,000 a year, I could, I, like if I was gonna buy a Porsche Boxer, I, I would have made it if I could buy a Porsche Boxer. And then I became an athletic director and again, I'm making up the number. Then the Porsche Boxer wasn't good enough. I needed to buy the 911.

• 56:27Ivan Joseph?

  Yo, man, and then I became, you know, the, the VP and then I needed the Bentley, right? We are, humans somehow are conditioned to never be content.

• 56:38Lewis Howes?

  Why is that?

• 56:38Ivan Joseph?

  I, I don't know. It's a million dollar question, right? It's the, but for some reason we're

• 56:44Lewis Howes?

  Even Canadians, you guys aren't, it would be content?

• 56:47Ivan Joseph?

  Bless the Canadians, right? God bless the Canadians. But yes, we are never content. And so your question really is, is why are we never happy and can't put the positive thoughts in? Because we're always looking at what we do not have. We are always looking at over the next hill, the next goal, the next obstacle. And that leaves us always feeling as if we have not created fulfillment or we've not achieved. And it's part of what, what drives ambition, but it's also what allows us never to really appreciate the moment that we're in.

• 57:21Lewis Howes?

  That's true. What do you think is your biggest weakness? Even though you've studied this for so long, you've given, you know, TED Talk with almost 20 million views, you've got books on this, you're the sports psychology guy, you're the national championship coach, you're the guy on self-confidence, what do you lack?

• 57:36Ivan Joseph?

  The reason I speak about this is I battle self-confidence all the time. So he would look at me and like, oh, he's won this, he's won this, he's this. I'll never forget the first time I went on stage to speak and Maya Angelou was gonna be there, it was the Women's Food Service Forum, and I was a mess. Every time I put myself in a new role, in a new position, my belief in myself takes a hit. And so this is a skill that you don't just, you know, it's like, okay, you've got it. Recognize that as soon as you're a manager, it's there, you become a director, it's gone. It's there. So my biggest thing that I consistently work on is my belief in myself, but not from a self-confidence point of view, from a tear-down point of view. Oh, man, those guys don't think you're good enough, though. Stop it, stop it.

• 58:20Ivan Joseph?

  You got, you belong here. Oh, you got the job because you're black. Nope, stop it, stop it. You belong here. And so I have to constantly work on that.

• 58:28Lewis Howes?

  Wow. Is it Einstein that said comparison is the thief of joy?

• 58:32Ivan Joseph?

  Yes.

• 58:33Lewis Howes?

  Comparison, I feel like, is a thief of joy, but it's also, you see what someone else has created. Ah, LeBron James is, you know, this great basketball player. I want to be that. It's also a thing that you can see and visualize as a model of like, okay, what are the steps for me to get there because I want to become the greatest version of myself? So how do we use comparison or seeing something we want not as a bad thing or the thief of joy, but also as a thing that is a positive thing? If, if he can do it, so could I. And I'm going to take those action steps. How do we flip that switch in our mind so it doesn't rob us of our, our joy?

• 59:08Ivan Joseph?

  Yeah, and I like that, right? Where you said the best version of ourselves. And so you answered it there is that we do not emulate to achieve replication. Right, there is a difference between, you know, this isn't Star Wars where we're gonna create the clone. When we, when we see people and we, we use the word role models, which comes from modeling. When we see people modeling the behavior that we want to achieve, we should use it as an aspirational benchmark, North Star, whatever we want, not as an opportunity to create the exact same thing. And this is to me, this whole world of social influencers, when it goes south and goes awry. I mean, I got my kids and they're all watching the...

• 59:51Lewis Howes?

  They're talking to YouTube and everything, right?

• 59:53Ivan Joseph?

  Gosh, I can't take it, right?

• 59:56Ivan Joseph?

  The duck lips and this and that. And they want to be these other people because they're aspiring for that lifestyle. But we have to remember that those lifestyles are so artificially crafted, that we only get to see the pieces that people are willing to pull back the wizard's curtain and allow us to see. We don't see the other pieces of it. When, when we really become, I'll say dysfunctional or unproductive, is when we only try to do the things that they're seeing, which is the positive and the shiny, and don't embrace and recognize that there's a whole bunch of crap that also goes along that, with that.

• 1:00:36Ivan Joseph?

  And so, it's the basketball player who only sees LeBron's A-plus games and never saw the benchings that happened, or never sees the missed games, or only sees him now at, after 30 years of being in the game, and is not willing to recognize the hours and the time that he put in the gym at 5 a.m., at 4 a.m., at 3 a.m., all the sacrifices he made, whatever they may be along the way, that got him there. And that's when we become unproductive.

• 1:01:03Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, gosh, it's a full-time job loving yourself.

• 1:01:07Ivan Joseph?

  Oh, ain't that the truth.

• 1:01:08Lewis Howes?

  Isn't it?

• 1:01:09Ivan Joseph?

  Ain't that the truth.

• 1:01:10Lewis Howes?

  And reminding yourself of all these kind of... Tools and, and, and things to use to not go down a dark hole. Because I feel like in any moment, we could turn on the TV, turn on the news, open up social media, hear a conversation from someone who's negative and start to say, yeah, I agree with you. And yes, and go negative, down, down, down. It's so much harder to stay positive and fight against that or arm yourself with these things, isn't it?

• 1:01:39Ivan Joseph?

  That's why I think the most important decision, and you're getting ready to make this decision, Louis, is who you choose to marry.

• 1:01:44Lewis Howes?

  Right?

• 1:01:44Ivan Joseph?

  Right? It is the most important decision.

• 1:01:46Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:47Ivan Joseph?

  They're around you all the time. Next, who your business partner is, who your partners are. Because after your, and sometimes more than your family, your business partnerships and your relationships at work are so critically important.

• 1:02:00Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:00Ivan Joseph?

  Those are the two. Then the third one is that friend group. Because you're gonna have days where it's hard. But those three people around you, those three different groups, they will shape that, how long you live in that place of despair or destitution. How, how, how quickly they bring you up, those three relationships. And I mean, I get it, there're gonna be hundreds or thousands or whatever they're gonna be in your groups. Those are key. Hopefully only one wife.

• 1:02:26Lewis Howes?

  Right, exactly, yeah.

• 1:02:27Ivan Joseph?

  Or husband, right? But yeah.

• 1:02:30Lewis Howes?

  What are the three words we should say to ourselves every single day?

• 1:02:34Ivan Joseph?

  For me, you got this. Right? That's, that's it. You got this. Because there's gonna be times when doubt comes in.

• 1:02:42Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:43Ivan Joseph?

  You got this.

• 1:02:44Lewis Howes?

  That's your, you call it a mantra for yourself?

• 1:02:46Ivan Joseph?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:46Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:47Ivan Joseph?

  I, I use you got this. I use I can learn anything. Nobody else works me. And I use those three intentionally because when things don't come easy, right? I can learn anything. And you know, nobody else works me. Okay, that's not, it's like, you know?

• 1:03:04Lewis Howes?

  You're willing to put in the time, the energy to learn something, yeah.

• 1:03:07Ivan Joseph?

  I believe a lot of success is about persistence. I'm, I am nowhere near, as you, as you so eloquently mentioned at the beginning of the podcast. I am no, I'm not a great athlete. Yet I've been lucky enough to be coaching at some of the highest levels. I'm willing to do whatever it takes. Whatever it takes.

• 1:03:26Lewis Howes?

  Who's been the most influential teacher in your life?

• 1:03:30Ivan Joseph?

  I would say it was a gentleman by the name of Tom Powell, who was the dean of students at my university. You know, God bless his soul, he passed away many years ago. But he was kind, he was gracious, he was generous. He used to use the term, he was a king maker. You know, today it would be a king and queen makers language, but he was always there to really empower young student leaders to take on, and he mentored us, he allowed us to fail, he gave us enough rope, but yeah. Made a huge difference in my life, from a tiny little school in Grayson University.

• 1:04:03Lewis Howes?

  That's interesting.

• 1:04:05Ivan Joseph?

  Yours?

• 1:04:07Lewis Howes?

  I would say the people that I had the biggest conflict with taught me the most about myself.

• 1:04:14Ivan Joseph?

  Oh.

• 1:04:15Lewis Howes?

  Like the girlfriends I broke up with that, you know, a bad breakup, the business partnership that didn't end well. Like all the things that didn't work out taught me the most about how I can be a better person. Yeah.

• 1:04:29Ivan Joseph?

  You know what I like about that answer to this is the reflection, because people don't, aren't willing to engage in the reflection when the things have failed, because there's where the growth happens.

• 1:04:40Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:40Ivan Joseph?

  Because if they can be open and honest with it, they're then set up for that next move.

• 1:04:46Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, I think every, I mean, there's been amazing teachers and coaches I've had who have given me the tools.

• 1:04:52Ivan Joseph?

  They're all listening to.

• 1:04:53Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, of course, yeah. Who've given me amazing tools to believe in myself and just showed up at 5 a.m. and all that stuff. But I think I've probably learned the most about myself from all the big mistakes, or the people that have rubbed me the wrong way, and the people who've had

• 1:05:08Ivan Joseph?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:08Lewis Howes?

  ill, you know, emotions towards, and I feel like who wronged me, things like that, where I got taken advantage of in some way. Those are the people that have probably taught me the most. Because I think when people are positive and loving teachers, it's incredible, but how we can respond to the teachers that we hate, or dislike, or uncomfortable to be around, and who we can become in spite of those, I think is our greatest challenge.

• 1:05:38Ivan Joseph?

  If you have the maturity to weather that through that, and that's the tough one.

• 1:05:42Lewis Howes?

  That is hard, man. That is hard, but. Okay, I got a couple of final questions for you.

• 1:05:48Ivan Joseph?

  Ask away.

• 1:05:49Lewis Howes?

  But before I ask them, you've got a book out called You've Got This, which is your mantra, Mastering the Skill of Self-Confidence, which I'm studying a lot about overcoming self-doubt because I think doubt is the killer of all dreams. And so you've got a great book on this, Self-Confidence. People can check that out online and do you have a website as well?

• 1:06:09Ivan Joseph?

  Yeah, you know what, Sonny, my partner, put it up on our website, DrIvanJoseph.com, but if you type in your name, Lou's House, they'll get a significant discount.

• 1:06:20Lewis Howes?

  Okay, cool.

• 1:06:21Ivan Joseph?

  I think she worked the magic there.

• 1:06:23Lewis Howes?

  Okay, cool, yeah, so discount on the book. If you go to the website, DrIvanJoseph.com. You're also on Twitter, DrIvanJoseph. Are you on Instagram yet?

• 1:06:30Ivan Joseph?

  I am on Instagram just recently, just up. I think you must have made that happen.

• 1:06:34Lewis Howes?

  All right, good. We'll be sharing out stuff over there.

• 1:06:37Ivan Joseph?

  It's hard to take pictures, man, all the time.

• 1:06:38Lewis Howes?

  Get your kids a post for you.

• 1:06:40Ivan Joseph?

  They do, actually. I've got a 22 and 21-year-old. Bad, no!

• 1:06:44Lewis Howes?

  Do it this way, DrIvanJoseph.com. The book, you've got a new book you're working on, it's not out yet.

• 1:06:50Ivan Joseph?

  Yes, it's called The Truth About Lying. It's just gonna talk about the science of lying and how it impacts performance and behavior. You know, talk about the placebo effect. It'll talk about the role of affirmations. It's, yeah, I'm hoping it will be really, really good, but we'll see.

• 1:07:06Lewis Howes?

  I'm sure it will be. You gotta have a positive mindset.

• 1:07:09Ivan Joseph?

  Amen!

• 1:07:11Lewis Howes?

  This is a question I ask everyone at the end called the three truths.

• 1:07:15Ivan Joseph?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:15Lewis Howes?

  So imagine it's your last day on earth many years from now and you've accomplished every dream you have. But for whatever reason, you gotta take all your content, all your body of work with you to the next place. And you get to leave behind three things you know to be true.

• 1:07:30Ivan Joseph?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:31Lewis Howes?

  That would be the lessons that we would have from you, but we wouldn't have any other content from you because it would all be taken with you to the next place. And these would be your three lessons to the world and to us. What would you say are your three truths?

• 1:07:46Ivan Joseph?

  Oh, one, what you tell yourself, you become. Right? Number two, work ethic will set you up for success over talent every day. And three, and it's very related to the first one, but your thoughts influence your beliefs, which influence your actions. Right? Those are the three that I would leave with.

• 1:08:12Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:14Lewis Howes?

  Fourth one, love yourself.

• 1:08:15Ivan Joseph?

  I was gonna just say, how did you know that?

• 1:08:17Lewis Howes?

  Is that what you're saying?

• 1:08:17Ivan Joseph?

  Yeah, I was just gonna say, if I could get a fourth one, it would be love yourself. How did you know that? Did you just read it?

• 1:08:24Lewis Howes?

  Practition, repetition.

• 1:08:27Ivan Joseph?

  I love it.

• 1:08:29Lewis Howes?

  I feel like it all goes back into loving yourself. If you can think a certain way, you'll feel a certain way, and that'll be loving towards yourself. And if we can, if we can love ourselves every single day and every moment, in the good and the bad, it's like we set ourselves up for success. If we hate ourselves, it's gonna be hard. It's gonna be unfulfilling a life.

• 1:08:50Ivan Joseph?

  I almost wanna say, love yourself as you would love others. Right? Take it back to the old book.

• 1:08:57Lewis Howes?

  Think about the person you love the most in your life, and then treat yourself the same way.

• 1:09:03Ivan Joseph?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:04Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:09:05Ivan Joseph?

  Good questions. You made me think there.

• 1:09:07Lewis Howes?

  I wanna acknowledge you for a moment, and I want to acknowledge you for showing up, for flying here and showing up in the middle of all this craziness, and for putting yourself out there consistently. You did this TED Talk, I think eight to nine years ago, on a whim, and you showed up. You weren't prepared, and that one decision you made led to impacting millions of people's lives around the world, and then impacting more people from this information, from having this knowledge. And I think this knowledge, when used the right way, can be extremely powerful. And the work that you've done your entire life, the failures, the successes, have brought you to this place where you can share this information. The research, the working harder than everyone else

• 1:09:52Lewis Howes?

  has gotten you to the position. So I acknowledge you for all the gifts that you have of showing up in a powerful way and giving us this insight. I think it's gonna truly transform a lot of lives, and I appreciate the work you put in.

• 1:10:05Ivan Joseph?

  My pleasure. Thank you for having me. You made this easy, so thank you for the kind words.

• 1:10:08Lewis Howes?

  It's a fun topic. This is a final question. It's called, what's your definition of greatness?

• 1:10:14Ivan Joseph?

  Man, I will say this.

• 1:10:19Ivan Joseph?

  I want to leave this place better than I found it.

• 1:10:23Ivan Joseph?

  And so that's for my family, my kids, the people I've served as a coach and an educator. Leave this place better than you found it.

• 1:10:30Lewis Howes?

  Thank you very much. Appreciate it.

• 1:10:32Ivan Joseph?

  My pleasure.

• 1:10:35Lewis Howes?

  Thank you so much for listening to this episode. If you enjoyed it, the power of building self-confidence, make sure to share this with a friend. You have the ability and the power to change someone's life right now. Just send them this link, lewishouse.com/982, or copy and paste the link wherever you're listening to this, on Spotify, or Apple Podcasts, or anywhere you listen to podcasts. Take that link, text a friend, post it on your Instagram story, on your Twitter, on your Facebook. Share it online because you can impact someone's life today by spreading this message. And please, click that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts right now and leave us a five-star rating and review. Those reviews, and when you subscribe, it really helps us spread the message more. So if you've got value out of this, you can

• 1:11:19Lewis Howes?

  do me a big favor by clicking the subscribe button and leaving a five-star review right now. And if you want inspirational messages from me every single week, just text the word "podcast" to 614-350-3960. And every week, I'll send you messages, audios, videos, quotes, to help you in your life. Again, text the word "podcast" to 614-350-3960. And I want to close with this quote from actress Blake Lively, who said, "The most beautiful thing you can wear is confidence." And I want to remind you that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. You know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great.