Pod Insights The School of Greatness 934 The Power of Your Voice and How It Can Change the World with IN-Q About this episode “Nothing in the world can open up your heart like giving it to someone else.”QUESTIONSWhat do you really want in life? (1:03)How has love, loss, forgiveness and transformation impacted you in your life? (19:32)Do you feel you love yourself more now than ever before? (30:30)How has being in love helped you in your art? (37:00)Why do you think poetry is getting its comeback? (42:25)Who have you had to forgive the most? (47:40)Where do you think you would be if your dad was loving and supportive? (48:56)Where do you think poetry is going in the next ten years? (49:56)Why does it seem in life that we need something drastic to happen to change? (56:43)YOU WILL LEARNHow to accept who you are (6:22)Why being positive in the bad times is essential in intimacy (14:32)In-Q shares some of his best poems (21:30-30:15)What happens when we first start dating (34:12)Why wanting love and validation is an important part of dating (37:40)The difference between codependent love and unconditional love (40:50)What happens when people get up to use their voice (51:25)The two halves of IN-Q’s new book and what they mean (1:00:00)LINKS MENTIONEDInquire WithinIf you enjoyed this episode, show notes and more at http://www.lewishowes.com/934 and follow at instagram.com/lewishowes Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX
Transcript 15,099 words · 2 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:00 Lewis Howes? This is episode number 934 with National Poetry Slam Champion and award-winning poet N Q. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin. Eleanor Roosevelt said, "Speak your mind even though your voice shakes." Have you ever just had something on your mind and on your heart that you need to get
0:45 Lewis Howes? out into the world, that you want people to hear, that you know you need to say, but you might be afraid to say it? Well, there's a reason why you have that inside of you. It's because it's part of your story. It's a part of your journey. It's a part of your gift, your talent, your dream. And hopefully in this episode, it'll give you the inspiration, the courage to truly go after what you want, to truly say the things you need to say in your relationships, in your career, in your life, to bring your dreams into the world, into its fullest existence. And we've got my good friend, N Q, who is a National Poetry Slam Champion, award-winning poet, and multi-platinum songwriter. His groundbreaking achievements include being named to Oprah's Super Soul 100 list of
1:30 Lewis Howes? the world's most influential thought leaders, being the first spoken word artist to perform with Cirque du Soleil, and being featured on A and E, ESPN, and HBO's Def Poetry Jam. He's inspired audiences around the world through his live performances and storytelling workshops, which are incredible. He's performed at, I think, almost every Summit of Greatness we've had, and he's got four standing ovations the last Summit of Greatness last year at the end of a two-day, intense weekend. And he is just a man on a mission. Many of his recent poetry videos have gone viral with over 70 million views combined.
2:11 Lewis Howes? And as a songwriter, he's got hit singles with Selena Gomez that went multi-platinum. He's written with renowned artists, including Allo Black, Miley Cyrus, Mike Posner, Foster the People, and his songs have accumulated over 1 billion views on YouTube alone. And he's got a new book out called Inquire Within. It's coming out right now, and I highly recommend you get this because in this new book, we talk about the difference between codependent love and unconditional love in this interview and the poetry that he writes about this as well. We also dive into his take on the major problems in the world today and how we can come together to solve them. The power of using your voice and how you can inspire others to use theirs as well because leaders create other leaders.
2:56 Lewis Howes? And he opens up about his relationship with his father and how his absence inspired his poetry today. That and so much more. I am so excited for you to listen to this. Please share, please send it to a friend, text them this link over on Apple or Spotify, or just text the link lewishouse.com/934 to get this spread to as many people as possible to inspire them during this time. And I'm so excited about this, so let's dive into this episode with the one and only in Q.
3:32 Lewis Howes? And so when I teach people, like, what is the specific that you want? Like, your personal life, your health, the relationships, what are the energy, the feelings that you want? What's the numbers you have in your bank account? Like, let's get specific because then you can break it down and figure out how to make it happen. And then you take your own medicine, so that was your... Exactly. So I was like, what do I really want? Right. This was probably five or six years ago. I don't know if it was before you, but it was, I was like... You know, people say they want to change the world and they want to reach billions of people. And I'm like, okay, what's a big dream that is unrealistic, but is realistic in some ways?
4:07 IN-Q? Right.
4:08 Lewis Howes? Hundred million people in a week. I was just like, that is a big scary number. Like, who am I, this little kid from Ohio, to say he wants to impact a hundred million people a week?
4:18 IN-Q? But who is anyone to do anything?
4:19 Lewis Howes? Exactly. And I was just like, that feels good to me. Hundred million people, because I think we had maybe a million downloads a month at the time, you know, whatever, years ago. I was like, okay, if we can go to a million a month to like a hundred a month and then a hundred a week, then you're making a dent on the world in a big way. You're really changing culture, humanity, if you're impacting and reaching that many people a week and having conversations around.
4:45 IN-Q? Do you feel that when it happens? Like, do you feel where you're at now? Do you feel the impact now?
4:54 Lewis Howes? People will message me, someone messaged me actually this morning on LinkedIn.
4:59 IN-Q? Okay.
4:59 Lewis Howes? And said, Louis, I've been following you for 12 years since I've been on LinkedIn. They've been following me. And they're like, because I announced that I have this movie coming out tomorrow night. And they said, it's been amazing to watch your trajectory of how far you've come and the impact you're having on people. People are texting me that all the time right now because of this movie is coming out.
5:20 Lewis Howes? And I think when you're in it, you don't see it as much until you take a moment to reflect and inquire within about how far you've come.
5:28 IN-Q? Yeah.
5:28 Lewis Howes? And so it's hard when you're in it because it's like 12 years has passed since I stopped playing football.
5:35 IN-Q? Right.
5:35 Lewis Howes? Now I'm here, but it's like, I've done, I've worked my butt off for 12 years.
5:39 IN-Q? Yeah.
5:40 Lewis Howes? And so.
5:41 IN-Q? Do you find that time to stop and like, consider what you've accomplished and?
5:48 Lewis Howes? Every night I reflect and I'm grateful for everything I have in my life and for that day. And I think I also. If I go back to like twenty four year old Louis, twenty three year old Louis, who was like broke on my sister's couch or whatever. And if I was like, one day I'm gonna impact five million people a month.
6:07 IN-Q? Right.
6:07 Lewis Howes? I'd have been like, that's crazy.
6:09 IN-Q? Right.
6:09 Lewis Howes? To think.
6:10 IN-Q? You wouldn't have believed it.
6:11 Lewis Howes? I'd have been like, that's crazy.
6:13 IN-Q? Yeah.
6:14 Lewis Howes? And I was like, I wonder how? How's it gonna happen? And it's almost like you have to reverse engineer the dream in your mind and just say, okay, well, this needs to happen. And you gotta write a New York Times bestseller, cause that's gotta get attention.
6:24 IN-Q? Right.
6:25 Lewis Howes? And then you gotta do a movie. And then you gotta get on some big press like Ellen.
6:28 IN-Q? Yeah, totally.
6:28 Lewis Howes? And then it's like, okay, who do I need to become? In order to make those things happen?
6:32 IN-Q? Right.
6:32 Lewis Howes? What skills do I need to learn?
6:34 IN-Q? Right.
6:35 Lewis Howes? Who do I need to meet? How do I need to take care of my health? Like, all those things need to happen in order for those dreams to be manifested. So then it's just figuring out, okay, who do I get to become?
6:46 IN-Q? Do you ever feel like? I mean, we can get started too, but.
6:50 Lewis Howes? She's rolling.
6:51 IN-Q? I mean, do you, do you ever feel like? Well, let me say this before I ask the question. Someone said this to me the other day. And unfortunately, it resonated. You know what I mean?
7:03 Lewis Howes? Yeah.
7:04 IN-Q? They said, this could be the best time of your life. If you weren't always waiting for it to be over. And I thought that was a very, very deep concept.
7:15 Lewis Howes? If you weren't waiting for what to be over?
7:17 IN-Q? Whatever the moment is. If you're in the moment, you're thinking about like, why I'm in the moment? What it is that I need to do or accomplish to move forward? Do you miss your life? And do you look back on these periods and think, wow, that was the best time of my life. But I was trying to get somewhere.
7:39 Lewis Howes? Hmm. As opposed to being in the moment?
7:42 IN-Q? Being here.
7:43 Lewis Howes? And appreciating and just.
7:44 IN-Q? Completely.
7:45 Lewis Howes? Not thinking about the future.
7:46 IN-Q? Completely. And I'll say why I feel that way is because sometimes I'll set things up. And then I forget that I made the decision to do this thing.
7:57 Lewis Howes? Mm-hmm.
7:57 IN-Q? And I show up and I feel obligated. Like I have to get through this in order to accomplish something or you know whatever. And I'm not fully being present to where I am. And so that's the dichotomy. It's like having goals in the material world and then simultaneously not looking outside of myself for validation or not thinking that there's something out there in the future that will make me feel whole and being present to what's actually happening where I am. So that was the question I was gonna ask you. I mean, do you, do you ever feel like that? Because if you accomplish everything you want to accomplish in 20 years, will you look back and think, I was truly there?
8:41 Lewis Howes? Mm hmm. I think one of my superpowers since I was young was the ability to have fun in every moment. And there's a, I say that, but also every time I achieved in a goal until I was like 30, I would achieve it and I was happy for a moment and then I was like angry. Cause I think I was driven towards the achievement of feeling like, okay, I made it, but then I never felt like I made it. So I was like, well, I gotta go for something bigger. I gotta make more. I gotta accomplish something else. And it wasn't until I was about 30 when I started to shift that. But I was always having fun in the moment too.
9:23 Lewis Howes? Like I'm a guy who can, you've seen me at like Summit Series, just like dancing in the middle of the night. Just like, like I can not, I don't drink alcohol. And I can just be fun and just make something fun in any moment.
9:37 IN-Q? Yeah, for sure.
9:37 Lewis Howes? You know, whenever we're together, it's just like, we'll just laugh or whatever. So I can do that. And I think I've had that gift from childhood. I don't know why, it's just to always like have, be a child. Childlike energy in moments. So I really appreciate, I guess, that ability to have fun. But I used to be so driven to get acceptance for my accomplishments that I was never happy with the accomplishments. Cause I don't think I was ever happy with who I was. And I was never really proud of myself.
10:07 IN-Q? Has that shifted now? Like, do you feel like you can take ownership over?
10:12 Lewis Howes? It shifted a lot because I think I've, I've always been.
10:17 Lewis Howes? Really, I mean, I feel like I've always done a good job in my life of being a good person. But I think sometimes I let myself down. And over the last year, I really woke up to the fact of like, okay, I want to do everything. I want to be proud of myself when people aren't watching. When no one's watching, when no one's on social media to see me do something, when no one's around me. Like, if I was watching myself, if the best version of myself was always watching me, would I be proud of who I am? And so I've dedicated this last year, and really since meeting my girlfriend Jeanette, she's elevated me to think that way.
11:00 Lewis Howes? She doesn't like pressure me to think that way. I think I'm just like called forth to think that way because I want to really make her proud. And I want to make myself proud. That's beautiful. So I remember she told me one time, early on when we started dating, she was like, I want you to make me a promise.
11:19 Lewis Howes? Pause. And she goes, she goes, because I was going through some stuff in a previous relationship. And a lot of stuff was out there publicly, people spreading rumors and gossip or whatever. And so there's a lot of questions floating around about, about what happened or whatnot. And I was like telling her everything. I was like, I'm not going to hide anything. Here's the stuff I'm proud of. Here's the stuff I'm not proud of. Here's everything. Take it or leave it.
11:41 Lewis Howes? That's love. Take it or leave it. Yeah. Right? And she was like totally accepted me and she was like, I understand, like I get it. You're an amazing man. You have a great heart. And I was like, oh, you know, crying. I'm not a bad guy, you know? And then she goes, I want you to be, make a promise to me. Pause. And she goes, I want you to always tell me the truth about everything. Yeah. And I'm sitting to myself, I go, you sure? Because I've never been in a relationship where I've said the truth and someone didn't freak out or get angry or react or get so emotional, where they couldn't handle the truth. Right. I'm not saying you need to be happy about the truth, but to be able to handle it.
12:23 Lewis Howes? And I said, you sure? Because there's thoughts I might have, there's things I might say, things I might do that you may not like. And just being honest. And she goes, I always want you to tell me I can handle it. I go, you sure? She said, yes. And in that moment, I just said to myself, I'm always going to tell her the truth. I like sat there for like 20 seconds and I was like. Okay, I'm a 35 year old man. I don't think I've ever fully told a hundred percent of the truth in one person.
12:48 IN-Q? Let's do it.
12:49 Lewis Howes? There might be like a couple little white lies, like just forgetting to say something. Just to not cause stress. But I was like, I'm gonna tell you the truth, and I've done that with her for the last year. And it's been amazing, because I don't feel like I have anything to worry, to hide.
13:03 IN-Q? Right.
13:04 Lewis Howes? And it's like, if you don't.
13:05 IN-Q? It takes energy to hide.
13:06 Lewis Howes? Takes energy to hide, and also, if she doesn't accept the truth about me.
13:11 IN-Q? Right.
13:11 Lewis Howes? When I'm living at the highest level that I can live.
13:14 IN-Q? Right.
13:15 Lewis Howes? Then maybe we're not the right fit.
13:16 IN-Q? Yeah.
13:17 Lewis Howes? And that's okay, and I can be okay with that, because I did everything in my power to be a hundred percent in integrity.
13:22 IN-Q? And you want that from her, too.
13:24 Lewis Howes? Absolutely.
13:25 IN-Q? You want that truth from her.
13:25 Lewis Howes? Absolutely, and it's been crazy, because she is probably, um, the relationship that I, that I'm in. She should probably be, for me, the most, I should be the most insecure that I've ever been with someone. And the most jealous, because she gets.
13:41 IN-Q? She gets a lot of.
13:42 Lewis Howes? She gets messaged by, like, the biggest celebrities in the world.
13:45 IN-Q? Right.
13:45 Lewis Howes? Every other day, she's like, here's who hit me on the DM today, like, the biggest names.
13:49 IN-Q? Right.
13:50 Lewis Howes? You can think of like, anyone, it seems like they all message her. And I'm just laughing, and none of it affects me.
13:56 IN-Q? Right.
13:56 Lewis Howes? Not one person who's messaged her, not one billionaire, or mega celebrity, or whatever. Am I like, threatened by or anything?
14:04 IN-Q? Because you're telling the truth.
14:05 Lewis Howes? I'm telling the truth, I'm giving her my all.
14:08 IN-Q? Right.
14:08 Lewis Howes? And I'm like, if it's not enough for you, then it's not the right fit.
14:12 IN-Q? But that's why it has to be.
14:13 Lewis Howes? And I'm gonna be okay.
14:14 IN-Q? That's why it has to be self-love.
14:16 Lewis Howes? Exactly.
14:17 IN-Q? Before it's love in a relationship.
14:18 Lewis Howes? This is the first time I feel self, a hundred percent self-love for myself. Where I am, I don't want us to break up.
14:26 IN-Q? Right.
14:26 Lewis Howes? I wanna be with her.
14:27 IN-Q? Right.
14:28 Lewis Howes? But, I'm not gonna sacrifice my own love for myself.
14:32 IN-Q? And, by the way. Just once again, build that bridge. You love her and you like her. You're her man, but you're also her friend. And so you want the same thing for her.
14:42 Lewis Howes? I want her to be happy.
14:43 IN-Q? If, if her truth doesn't match up for whatever reason.
14:48 Lewis Howes? Then find another great relationship and I want the best for you.
14:51 IN-Q? It's unconditional love.
14:52 Lewis Howes? I want the best for her.
14:53 IN-Q? Yeah.
14:53 Lewis Howes? And I'm gonna be fine, she's gonna be fine.
14:55 IN-Q? Right. By the way, it's easy to say, it's hard to do.
14:57 Lewis Howes? Easy to say.
14:58 IN-Q? But you can't do it unless you say it, you know?
15:03 Lewis Howes? That's it. I think that's the thing, it's like, we've been in the transition. She, she's moved in, it's been a big like change for her. And I'm just like, I'm so committed to the process. I'm so committed to being patient and understanding and compassionate.
15:16 IN-Q? Yeah.
15:16 Lewis Howes? Loving her when there's stress or overwhelm for her or confusion. And not getting defensive or any of these things. And I feel like, you know, okay, if we go through this and it's consistent like this for two years, it's not gonna last. It's just, I can't handle the for two years of this like chaos. So I know there's gonna be.
15:37 IN-Q? Seasons, like everything.
15:37 Lewis Howes? There's gonna be seasons, it's gonna be over. But if it didn't be over, I would say, babe, I love you, I gave you everything. And I want the best for you. And you deserve, you know, I deserve something different and so do you.
15:47 IN-Q? Right.
15:47 Lewis Howes? If you're not happy and I'm not happy, we shouldn't be together.
15:50 IN-Q? There's, there are things in relationships that are non-negotiable.
15:53 Lewis Howes? Mm-hmm.
15:54 IN-Q? And there are things that are negotiable.
15:56 Lewis Howes? Yeah.
15:56 IN-Q? And only you will know what's negotiable and what's non-negotiable. And, you know, certain things, seasons, you know, you're gonna go through them. It's very, very natural. And if you think that you're not.
16:09 Lewis Howes? Right.
16:10 IN-Q? Then you're actually not gonna be committed to seeing what new truth can arise out of each of you individually and as, you know, out of the relationship. But then, there are also certain things that wind up being unsustainable.
16:23 Lewis Howes? Mm-hmm, yeah.
16:24 IN-Q? And it's like, you know, only you will know.
16:27 Lewis Howes? Some things, I mean, things can last for a season, they can't last for like multiple seasons, back to back to back.
16:33 IN-Q? Right.
16:34 Lewis Howes? Of chaos, you know, so. I'm curious for you, you've been in a relationship for two years now.
16:41 Lewis Howes? What's been the biggest challenge? What's been the thing that's brought you together the most? Was it the beautiful moments in romance on a vacation or looking at the stars? Or was it when you went through something, when your cat died and there was like a traumatic event? That realized you brought you closer? What would you say?
17:05 IN-Q? I would say both. I mean, both have been equally as important because if I had one without the other, it might have been unsustainable, you know, like, or at least if everything was amazing all of the time, it would just be that. But the challenges that we've gone through together has deepened our relationships very, very much. So like I really, you know, learning how to be with a partner in the good times is really important. But learning how you both show up in the bad times is necessary.
17:39 Lewis Howes? It's more important probably.
17:40 IN-Q? For a lifelong relationship.
17:41 Lewis Howes? It's easy to be positive in the good times. It's hard to be positive during chaos.
17:46 IN-Q? Yeah. Or accept that you're not going to be positive in that moment. And to fully be with the other person.
17:55 Lewis Howes? And learn to forgive if someone said something that hurt you, yeah.
17:58 IN-Q? You know, intimacy is quite the process. But there's nothing else in the world that can open up your heart like giving it to someone else. And allowing them to, you know, hold on to it for a little while.
18:19 Lewis Howes? I would say this is probably the best space you've been in your entire life. You're 40, 41?
18:25 IN-Q? 41.
18:25 Lewis Howes? 41. I've known you for what, eight, nine years maybe? Eight years, seven, eight? When did we first meet? Do you remember? I saw you at Summit.
18:33 IN-Q? I know it was at Summit, but I don't remember what year.
18:35 Lewis Howes? On stage, I think. It was a small event at Eden for the first time and I came up to you afterwards.
18:41 IN-Q? Right afterwards.
18:42 Lewis Howes? Right afterwards. It was, I've only been to Eden once, but it was like a small room. I don't know if they still have this building there, if this was before the mountain.
18:51 IN-Q? Yeah.
18:51 Lewis Howes? It was before the mountain. But anyways, it was kind of like a little cave room.
18:55 IN-Q? Yeah, it was in between.
18:57 Lewis Howes? Yes.
18:58 IN-Q? The mountains at the top.
19:00 Lewis Howes? It was at the other resort, I think.
19:02 IN-Q? Yeah, it was right in between.
19:04 Lewis Howes? And you did a little session. I think there was only like thirty people in the room at the time. It was like a small intimate thing. And I was like, who is this human being? When was that? Twenty twelve, maybe?
19:13 IN-Q? I think it was like seven years ago.
19:14 Lewis Howes? Twenty thirteen, maybe? And I was just like captivated by your energy and your creativity and your artistry. And you've had, I mean, you've had some good years, but I feel like the last couple of years, you've been in the most calm space.
19:29 IN-Q? Yeah, for sure.
19:30 Lewis Howes? Even though you had a crazy cat.
19:32 IN-Q? I did have a crazy cat.
19:33 Lewis Howes? But even that
19:35 IN-Q? was a huge lesson for me.
19:36 Lewis Howes? Yeah, you had to surrender, right?
19:38 IN-Q? Yeah. Well, it was also, I, we had gotten this cat and he was this amazing, amazing cat named Marley. And he was bananas, man.
19:47 Lewis Howes? Jumping all the walls.
19:48 IN-Q? Jumping all over, like, he just, he wanted as much of life as he possibly could have. And at times, he would annoy me. I'd be like, dude, Marley, man, like chill out, you know? And then he ended up getting a kidney thing. And his kidneys didn't grow. He was a kitten. And so his kidneys didn't grow with the rest of his body. And, um, and he went into a kidney failure. And we, we had to put him down. And that was a, a lesson for her and I, just how we dealt with it together, but also, he taught me a lesson that, you know, here I was like annoyed at him because he was trying to get as much of life as possible, but there was,
20:32 IN-Q? it must have been a part of him that knew he wasn't going to be around for a very long time. And, you know, if, if I had known that at the time, I would have given him whatever he wanted to eat. I would have played with him literally as much as possible, you know? And that's a lesson that I certainly want to bring into the future, you know? Like, it's something that I, that I held on to.
20:52 Lewis Howes? Yeah.
20:53 IN-Q? We don't know how long we're gonna be here.
20:54 Lewis Howes? We don't know, man.
20:55 IN-Q? And, you know?
20:58 Lewis Howes? We don't know. How did the Kobe, uh, death affect you?
21:05 IN-Q? Well, I mean Kobe.
21:07 Lewis Howes? You grew up in LA.
21:08 IN-Q? Yeah, I mean Kobe was the symbol of like invincibility, I would say. And so for for him to pass in such a shocking way. Um, made everyone stop. We were the exact same age. So, you know, when I see nineteen seventy eight.
21:30 Lewis Howes? Wow, that's your.
21:31 IN-Q? Two thousand, it makes me reflect on my own journey as well.
21:37 IN-Q? The other interesting thing was, uh, it was the same night of the Grammys in Los Angeles. And, uh, at this, in the same building. That was, you know, really his building. And, uh, you could feel it even watching it on television. I've been to the Grammys twice and I was watching on television. And his passing cut through the spectacle. It cut through the illusion. And there was a deeper presence to everyone who took the stage that night. Um, because mortality was was front of mind.
22:15 Lewis Howes? In this, uh, amazing book that you have, which is a collection of all your poems, Inquire Within. You say you talk about issues of love, loss, forgiveness, transformation, and belief. Which one of those five, uh, universal issues?
22:34 Lewis Howes? Have you deepened in the last year the most? Love, loss, forgiveness, transformation, and belief? Which one has impacted you the most or risen to the forefront the most?
22:44 IN-Q? I mean, definitely love, you know? And that's the overarching theme of everyone's life is learning how to love throughout all of the ups and downs. Um, and coming back to love. Um, but I would say love and. You know, all of them have deepened. You know, I mean, we should be so lucky to have all of these major themes of life continue to deepen over time.
23:13 IN-Q? Yeah.
23:13 Lewis Howes? What's the greatest love poem that you think you have? Is it the eighty-five or the one in the home? Which one is?
23:19 IN-Q? It's one that I'm actually working on right now.
23:21 Lewis Howes? A new one?
23:21 IN-Q? Yeah, I have a new one.
23:23 Lewis Howes? Is it, is it finished yet? No, it's not in the book. Of, of the, the ones in the book, what's the greatest love poem?
23:29 IN-Q? Um, probably eighty-five or, uh, When It's Right. Both of those, I think, I'm, I'm really happy with and I wrote them at different stages of my life. Um, but they were a manifestation at the time that I wrote them. Um, they were almost like exploring what I would want. And now it's really beautiful to, uh, be able to be living some of the poems that I wrote.
23:53 Lewis Howes? So you wrote these poems as kind of like dream lives?
23:56 IN-Q? Yeah.
23:57 Lewis Howes? You're like, I want to have this in the future because you didn't have it.
23:59 IN-Q? Yeah, for sure. I mean, all of my poems is, they're prayers.
24:03 Lewis Howes? Hmm.
24:04 IN-Q? I'm talking to myself. You know, like they're reminders to myself of the life that I want to live. And so then when I get an opportunity to get up and share them with other people, I'm talking to myself first. And almost people are observing me doing that to myself, you know, and, and hopefully seeing their own humanity in that mirror.
24:29 Lewis Howes? Hmm. Which one do you want to share with us? Which love, which love poem?
24:34 IN-Q? You pick.
24:36 Lewis Howes? What, what's the, uh, what's the second one you said? What's the?
24:39 IN-Q? Uh, When It's Right.
24:39 Lewis Howes? When It's Right. Have I heard that one?
24:43 IN-Q? I'm sure you have.
24:43 Lewis Howes? Probably have.
24:44 IN-Q? At some point, yeah.
24:45 Lewis Howes? Eighty-five is always so good, but let's hear the, uh, When It's Right.
24:48 IN-Q? Okay. When It's Right.
24:53 IN-Q? Falling in love is like finding a home.
24:58 IN-Q? In the heart of a person that you've never known. It's the waiting for the ring of the phone when you're alone, or making them a mixtape of all your favorite songs. Remember how it felt? When their touch made you melt?
25:16 IN-Q? When their presence made you a better version of yourself?
25:21 IN-Q? When your bed was like an island in the middle of the sea? And their eyes were the only sunset you could see?
25:30 IN-Q? When their smile was enough to inspire a forever? In this lifetime of learning how to love each other better, it's beyond words. It's knowing how she takes her tea. It is knowing when to challenge her and when to let her be. It is knowing when to hold her and when to set her free. It is chemistry and honesty, empathy, integrity, and humility. It is calling when I'm gonna be late? Or giving her the last bite of cake from my plate? It is going on vacations and walking along the beach. It's the sound that she makes when she laughs in her sleep.
26:17 IN-Q? It is real, especially when it's hard.
26:22 IN-Q? Cause we have chosen to reveal who we really are. Beautiful with all our scars. You're like a sky of stars. I've never felt as infinite as when you're in my arms. I'd never felt as intimate as when I was in your charms. I'd never met someone and instantly knew I belonged.
26:46 IN-Q? So now the songs on the radio are making more sense. And every rom-com movie seems more intense. I'm having dreams that I'm painting her a picket fence. Our kids are playing on the lawn, still in innocence, picturesque in every sense. It's like a Norman Rockwell. It feels so real. A modern fairy tale with a pool and barbecue grill. We'll have a two-car garage. And every week she'll get a gift certificate for one free foot massage. And when we've had a hard day, we'll go and walk it off. And when we've had a hard night, we'll get some Haagen-Dazs. We'll put our goals on a list and then we'll cross them off. I'll take some pics of our kids, then print them up and make a Mother's Day collage,
27:31 IN-Q? or send her flowers just because her skin is the closest that I've been to God.
27:40 IN-Q? See, love is like a long ladder up to heaven.
27:47 IN-Q? It's like a dance where you move apart and then come back together. It is sunshine and stormy weather because you would never know the one unless you knew the other.
27:58 IN-Q? And in the end, you'll be old and gray with a pair of rocking chairs and some grand montier, grandkids on a grand piano in the foyer, photographs of your family filling the hallway. And everybody in the neighborhood will ask you for advice. So you'll slowly lean in, then you'll look around twice. Then you'll whisper real light like it was the secret to your life.
28:28 IN-Q? When you know, you know.
28:31 IN-Q? Because when it's right, it's right.
28:37 IN-Q? I wanna fall in love at eighty-five. Go on shuffleboard dates and dance to hip-hop from ninety-five. We would also listen to the song "Staying Alive", but only for the message. Otherwise, we'd keep away from disco, it's depressing. We'd rock matching tracksuits and rope gold chains. We'd look like Run DMC but in their old age. We'd take aerobics classes and wear bifocal glasses and eat at IHOP and hold hands at Sunday masses. And when it comes to the bedroom...
29:17 IN-Q? Well, nothing much would happen in the bedroom because we're eighty-five. But we would still be down to take a walk or take a drive or sit and talk and have a drink, watch the passersby, ask each other why and how and who and where and when. And then we'd laugh and cry again about the people we had been.
29:39 IN-Q? And I would touch her withered skin and comment on how thin it is to keep in something infinite.
29:48 IN-Q? And she would smile, sweeten blush, then tell me that I think too much. She's right, I think too much. It's always been a problem. But then again, that's how I made my green like the goblin. When I was in my twenties, I was eating top ramen, counting up my pennies saving up to go food shopping. But now I'm eighty-five, and somehow I feel more alive. I turn my hearing aid up and bump Jurassic Five. I read the sports page while she peruses classifieds. We like antique stores, garage sales, and barter buys. And when it comes to the bedroom...
30:32 IN-Q? Well, hopefully, every once in a while, she lets me knock her boots into the floral patterns of our bedposts, then hold her head close like death isn't chasing us, planning on erasing us and replacing us with better versions of us, reshaping us, remaking us, then recreating us with new identities so we can make new memories. Hush, little baby. Learn to walk and talk and think and lie and feel and fight and love and die and never get the answers why. She dips a joint of grass and wheatgrass and we get, "Ha."
31:13 IN-Q? Her hair is silver as the moon in the Miami sky.
31:18 IN-Q? We still pop pills, but it's not the Molly anymore. Whenever we can't sleep, we listen to the ocean floor. She got a Sound of the Sea CD for me from the Brookstone store. And ever since, I've been snoring like a...
31:38 IN-Q? like a really good metaphor for snoring. Sorry, I go blank sometimes. What, I'm eighty-five. I'm not complaining, I'm just happy that I'm still alive and happy that I have my better half by my side. Superfly. She doesn't look a day over seventy-five. When I first saw her, I was totally in awe. She was classical, so I was like, "Yo, yo, ma." And that was all it took. A single look and I was shook. I fell for her like some loose shingles from our Spanish roof.
32:22 IN-Q? And I'm a lover till she loses every last root and has to glue dentures to her gums to chew solid food. Ooh. Now that's real love, dude.
32:35 IN-Q? That's some push comes to shove love.
32:40 IN-Q? Not when it's convenient love.
32:45 IN-Q? Hospital bed, love.
32:49 IN-Q? Feed her ice chips, love.
32:53 IN-Q? Never leave the room, love.
32:57 IN-Q? Sleeping in the chair, love.
33:01 IN-Q? Pray to up above, love.
33:05 IN-Q? Have to pull the plug, love.
33:10 IN-Q? Miss her in my bones, love.
33:14 IN-Q? Everything about her love.
33:17 IN-Q? Die within a month, love. Can't live without her love.
33:24 IN-Q? Love. The only reason that we're alive.
33:31 IN-Q? And none of us should have to wait until we're eighty-five.
33:40 Lewis Howes? My man.
33:43 Lewis Howes? It's amazing, man. You always give me emotional with that.
33:46 IN-Q? Thank you.
33:47 Lewis Howes? That was two poems back to back, right?
33:48 IN-Q? I just kind of.
33:49 Lewis Howes? I saw that. Do you feel like you feel more love for yourself and more are willing to receive more love now than ever before?
34:00 IN-Q? Yeah. Let me ask you though, what makes you emotional about it like?
34:04 Lewis Howes? Well, I think I'm just a sensitive person in general.
34:06 IN-Q? Yeah.
34:06 Lewis Howes? So. The story of really caring about someone for that long. And being there for them through all the different challenges, having all the fun. Being high on life and then not being able to do certain things anymore, but talking about it. And then having to have her leave, for me, it's like very sad to like. Think of that moment.
34:32 IN-Q? Yeah.
34:33 Lewis Howes? Where someone to be gone.
34:34 IN-Q? Yeah.
34:35 Lewis Howes? When you have so much love for them.
34:37 IN-Q? Yeah.
34:37 Lewis Howes? So.
34:38 IN-Q? It's a part of the human experience. It's it's kind of what makes everything so beautiful.
34:44 Lewis Howes? Yeah.
34:44 IN-Q? Is that we have to deal with loss. If loss wasn't a part of life. You know, we wouldn't appreciate the moments and the love that we have.
34:55 Lewis Howes? Have you had a lot of loss?
34:57 IN-Q? I've had my share, yeah.
35:00 Lewis Howes? Did you feel like, because you didn't grow up with your dad, do you feel like you lost? He was around, but you didn't see him, right?
35:08 IN-Q? He wasn't around.
35:09 Lewis Howes? But I mean, he was alive.
35:10 IN-Q? He was alive, yeah.
35:11 Lewis Howes? But you didn't see him for fifteen years or something, is that right?
35:13 IN-Q? I met him for the first time when I was fifteen.
35:16 Lewis Howes? It's crazy.
35:17 IN-Q? Yeah, yeah.
35:18 Lewis Howes? So how do you create a sense of love and safety in a relationship if your father was never there? How did you learn that?
35:29 IN-Q? Various degrees of success and failure. Probably more failure, you know, but each time I learned a little bit more about what intimacy was to me. And how I was showing up in ways that I wanted to improve and then how I wasn't showing up. You know, the first time I went out with my girlfriend, at the end of the night, we were sitting on a porch and we were like having tea. And she asked me, she was like, so how old are you? And I was like, I guess I was thirty-nine.
36:07 IN-Q? And I said, I'm thirty-nine. She goes, okay. She said, you've never been married? And I said, no. And she said, you don't have any kids? And I was like, no. And then she stopped for a second and then she goes, why?
36:26 IN-Q? And what she was basically asking was, what's wrong with you? And by the way, she should have been asking that question.
36:33 Lewis Howes? Right.
36:34 IN-Q? It was a totally appropriate question for her to ask. But I wasn't gonna answer that.
36:40 Lewis Howes? Right.
36:41 IN-Q? I didn't feel good about answering that. So I actually said, you know, I'm uncomfortable answering that. And then we had this like awkward moment.
36:49 Lewis Howes? Now what are you talking about?
36:50 IN-Q? You know, and that was that, and the date kinda ended. And now, you know, two years later. I know the answer to that and it was because I was waiting to feel like it was right. And those poems, as I said, they were manifestations for what I wanted to create in my life. But at the time, the answer to that would have been scary because I wasn't sure why I'd waited. You know, I had been with amazing women. But I wasn't able to say I wanted to take the long walk and I didn't quite feel like I had found home. When did you know it felt like home with your girlfriend?
37:34 IN-Q? You know, okay, when people get into relationships at the beginning, they tend to just project onto each other. And I have done this over and over and over again. Where you meet someone and you know, they have a few points, you know, like almost like data points. That you say, that's what I want. And you see those points and then you just fill in the rest. You know, with your own illusion, right? Your own projection. And they do the exact same thing and then you're not even really meeting each other. You have an expectation that's not met on both sides. Well, but, but that doesn't usually come up for a while. Because at the beginning in this honeymoon phase.
38:19 IN-Q? For me. Right. Well, it always does. Wait, no, I don't have that expectation. It always does. Because then what winds up happening is we resent the other person for not living up to our unspoken and imaginary expectation. That they're supposed to know and live up to. Or be, you know, that's why when you are with someone, you mirror them right away. You know, if you like someone, you know, you start to mirror everybody, you know, you're doing all the dancing and that's what a first date is, you know? And, and ultimately that stuff winds up unfolding. I will say with the woman that I'm with now. We spent a long enough time dating.
39:04 IN-Q? Without putting that expectation on each other. We both had other things that we were um working through in our lives. And so we didn't put that pressure on our connection. And honestly, it's the first time that I've ever done that.
39:18 Lewis Howes? Mm hmm.
39:19 IN-Q? And so by the time I fell in love with her. And I knew I was starting to fall in love with her. I knew her. Like, I already knew who she was. It wasn't this projection or this fantasy, you know.
39:36 Lewis Howes? Either the things you liked about her, the things you didn't like about her, the everything.
39:40 IN-Q? Yeah, I mean, I didn't know everything.
39:41 Lewis Howes? A lot.
39:42 IN-Q? We're two years deep and I'm still learning an enormous amount. But um but definitely I knew who I was falling in love with. Not my fantasy of who I was falling in love with.
39:55 Lewis Howes? Or just the best parts of it or whatever.
39:56 IN-Q? Exactly. And so I I think um. I don't know how that relates back to the father question that you initially asked. I mean, if I was to answer that, I would say intimacy has always been a really big issue for me. And um learning how to be intimate has been one of the biggest gifts for not only my uh romantic life. Um and my personal life, but also for my career.
40:22 Lewis Howes? Mm hmm.
40:23 IN-Q? And uh also for my art.
40:25 Lewis Howes? How has being in love helped you in your art and on stage perform differently?
40:31 IN-Q? Well, you know, it's interesting. Um in the same way that you want something from a relationship at the beginning and you start to project. Really, ultimately, it's about wanting love and validation. Somebody that you think is attractive, being attracted to you. You know, having this imagination of this life partner.
40:55 Lewis Howes? Mm hmm.
40:56 IN-Q? And then saying, well, I'm ready, so this person has to be that, you know? Um when I get up in front of an audience. I still want to be liked.
41:07 Lewis Howes? Of course.
41:07 IN-Q? I still want them to love my work. I still want them to validate my ego. You know, people talk about getting rid of your ego. You can't get rid of your ego. Your ego is a part of your humanity.
41:17 Lewis Howes? Right.
41:17 IN-Q? But you can learn how to not navigate from it, you know, or or operate from that place.
41:22 Lewis Howes? Yeah.
41:23 IN-Q? Exactly. So I would say.
41:27 IN-Q? When I used to get up in front of an audience, I was more performing to them. And I almost would, in doing that, even if they were totally connected to what I was saying, it would make them lean back. And I had all of these tricks that I would use that I learned along the way.
41:50 Lewis Howes? Techniques.
41:51 IN-Q? Yeah, that would make an amazing show. But they actually were getting in the way of the ultimate communication. And so, once that self-love started to kick in, and a lot of that was and is continuing to be learned in the relationship, when I'm in front of an audience now, I can acknowledge that I do want them to be connected to what I'm saying. But I don't try to control their experience. I'm much more energetically contained. You know, if you even think about like what a single person is like, you're out in the world and oftentimes, if you're looking for a partner, your energy is going all over the place, man.
42:36 IN-Q? You know, I mean, it's like you see somebody you're attracted to, and you give them your energy, and you don't even know who the fuck they are.
42:44 Lewis Howes? Right.
42:45 IN-Q? You know, you're like giving your energy away. You know, my energy is very contained now in my romantic life. I don't give it away at all. I could see someone and say, oh, that's an attractive person. But I don't give them my energy.
42:59 Lewis Howes? As opposed to when you're single, you might be giving it to lots of different people.
43:02 IN-Q? Or even fantasizing within yourself.
43:04 Lewis Howes? Right.
43:04 IN-Q? You know, and I don't that at all, you know? And I would say it's the same thing for being on the stage. I don't want to split my energy. You know, even if, weirdly enough, man, if... And I'm, I'm really branching out on this answer. But like, if I used to see someone in the audience that I perceived that was not into it, I would give them my energy.
43:31 Lewis Howes? And be like, I'm gonna make you into it.
43:33 IN-Q? Exactly.
43:33 Lewis Howes? I'm gonna captivate you.
43:34 IN-Q? Exactly.
43:35 Lewis Howes? Stare at them.
43:36 IN-Q? Yeah.
43:36 Lewis Howes? Go walk up next to them and get them engaged.
43:39 IN-Q? It's exhausting.
43:41 Lewis Howes? Instead of focusing on the people that are giving you their energy.
43:44 IN-Q? Or just focusing on myself, which allows the audience to then lean in.
43:50 IN-Q? Because who am I to tell them how to think, or how to feel, or whether or not to enjoy this, or whether or not to like me?
43:57 Lewis Howes? Yeah, and if you might have an expectation of what you want the audience to respond to, and when they don't do it, it might affect you, or might have affected you.
44:04 IN-Q? Exactly, and then I'm not actually in the moment. I'm not actually there. And so, in that way, I think it's the difference between codependent love and unconditional love. What I'm trying to do with my audience right now is unconditionally love myself and unconditionally love them.
44:24 Lewis Howes? How do you do that before you go on stage then? How do you step into loving yourself and not expecting your response at different moments, or a standing ovation, or laughter, or whatever?
44:36 IN-Q? Um, I think it's just the awareness of it. You know, I don't think that there's anything to do, I think it's more that there's, it's a reminder so that it's something I can be.
44:45 Lewis Howes? And what do you need to be?
44:47 IN-Q? Present. I mean, I, I wrote all of these things because I was inspired, or I was moved, or I was annoyed. They all come from a place of truth. And so, it's the same thing that you were talking about with your partner, you know? She gave you the permission to be truthful.
45:06 Lewis Howes? Yeah.
45:07 IN-Q? Or the invitation to be truthful, and you wanted the same thing from her. I am the, uh, vehicle and the obstacle to these poems coming into the world. I'm the vehicle because they have to come through my experience, and I have to be there to give them away, or someone has to buy this book, Inquire Within, to be able to experience it. But I'm also the obstacle because those needs that I have can get in the way of the communication of that truth. And the poems have something that they wanna say. So I want to try to be of service to that as much as I can.
45:44 Lewis Howes? Why do you think poetry is getting this comeback? It's like it's more mainstream now.
45:49 IN-Q? Yeah.
45:50 Lewis Howes? There's different poets who are writing books that are becoming bestsellers, that are reaching millions of people, people are writing poetry on Instagram that's being connected to, to the heart or to something.
46:02 IN-Q? Yeah.
46:02 Lewis Howes? And they're becoming, you know, popular.
46:05 IN-Q? Yeah.
46:06 Lewis Howes? There's a handful of them.
46:07 IN-Q? Yeah, it's amazing.
46:08 Lewis Howes? You've been doing this for 20 years?
46:10 IN-Q? A long time, yeah.
46:11 Lewis Howes? Eighteen, twenty, something like that?
46:12 IN-Q? I started when I was nineteen, I wound up at the Poetry Lounge.
46:15 Lewis Howes? Twenty-two years?
46:16 IN-Q? Yeah.
46:17 Lewis Howes? But it wasn't a cool thing?
46:19 IN-Q? Well, it was for us. You know, we had an amazing, amazing community, man. I mean, some of the best art experiences I've ever had were in the audience watching another poet on the stage. I mean, bar none.
46:33 Lewis Howes? But it wasn't mainstream then, it was more like an underground?
46:36 IN-Q? It was starting to be mainstream, and then it never quite crossed over it. You know, Deaf poetry was huge, man. Deaf poetry did huge numbers. And then it won a Tony on Broadway. And I think that there was an opportunity at that point to really blow poetry up, but for whatever reason, it didn't happen. Not on the level that I believe it can, and that it's starting to now again.
47:02 Lewis Howes? Why do you think it's starting to now? Is it social media? Is it the books are just that amazing that people are writing? Because there's been great poetry books for hundreds of years, I feel like.
47:12 IN-Q? Right. I definitely think social media has something to do with it. And then also, I think, you know, look at the life that we're living, man. You know, we're very, very disconnected.
47:23 Lewis Howes? Stressful.
47:24 IN-Q? Yeah. I mean, think about how consumerism trains us to validate ourselves by the external world. You know, it's always trying to take something from you. It's trying to take your attention, it's trying to take your
47:38 Lewis Howes? Money.
47:39 IN-Q? money, time. Likes.
47:42 Lewis Howes? Feelings.
47:42 IN-Q? Love, you know, information. Even now, you know, and so everything is always trying to take from you. And we're trained to look for the answers outside of ourselves. And then we have so much stimulus, we're bombarded by stimulus that we can't ever find a moment to just be. And, you know, I mean, I wrote all of these poems from that place of truth. So I don't strategize my inspiration.
48:14 Lewis Howes? It's what you're feeling.
48:15 IN-Q? I pay attention to what I'm inspired to, and then I follow that breadcrumb trail. And so, writing this book actually was an opportunity for me to see what I've been trying to say all of these years.
48:28 Lewis Howes? What have you been trying to say?
48:29 IN-Q? I think part of the conversation that we're having now, that, you know, I mean, you know, technology is this amazing thing. It's connected the entire world and simultaneously, people are feeling more isolated than ever. You know, they're on their own little islands and they do not feel like they're a part of this larger community. Um, and, you know, if I don't, if I don't know something, I, what do I do? I go look on Google. You know, or I seek out an expert, you know, or I read a book, or I listen to a podcast. And all of these things are amazing tools, but there's a difference between using tools and having those tools use you.
49:10 IN-Q? And so, you know, inquire within is what I had to do to create this book. It's what.
49:17 Lewis Howes? And every poem.
49:18 IN-Q? Every poem. It's an invitation for the person to inquire within the pages and to inquire within themselves. Because, you know, if you have something going on in your life that you can't figure out, yes, you can search outside of yourself for that, but you can also find moments of silence. You know, be in nature and allow that true voice that you have inside of you to come up to the surface. Because that is the voice of your passion, your purpose, your enthusiasm. And I hope that this book is a window into that for people.
49:53 Lewis Howes? What's the poem that you have in here that, that talks about technology and our devices and? The stress that we're facing with all the technological advances.
50:03 IN-Q? You know, I have a poem, but I actually didn't put it in the book. And it was a poem about addiction. And the whole entire time, I mean, I've had my own issues, but the whole entire time in this particular poem is the thing I'm addicted to, the thing I'm addicted to. And then in the end, it winds up being the phone. But I actually don't remember that piece.
50:26 Lewis Howes? Is there a piece in the book you remember that talks about that last conversation we just had?
50:31 IN-Q? No, it's really the culmination of all of the work in the book is that message.
50:40 Lewis Howes? Is that message.
50:41 IN-Q? You know, and really, as I said, it's a window. Because Inquire Within, there's no answers in here. You know, there's just my life experience. It's me sharing the things that I've gone through. And the roadmap that I've used to get here. You know, and to be here.
51:02 Lewis Howes? Who have you had to forgive the most? Is it the father experience? Is it a past girlfriend? Is it yourself? Is it the universe?
51:14 IN-Q? No, I mean, the universe. It's like, you know, getting mad at God is like yelling at yourself in the mirror. You know, it's like, no matter what you say, God will be waiting for you when you are done.
51:24 Lewis Howes? Wow, yeah.
51:26 IN-Q? You know, so, but I do think that I've had to forgive myself for things that I've done in my life. There's plenty of ways that I've behaved that I'm not proud of. And yet you do better when you know more.
51:42 Lewis Howes? Yeah.
51:43 IN-Q? And so, you know, I've learned a lot over the years. And I would say my father, you know, I really like, who would I be without that experience? I mean, it's been so integral to the life that I've lived. I mean, even growing up without a dad, it made me, you know, an observer. You know, it made, it made me think, what am I supposed to be like? Which started kind of that analytical part of me that is, I think, led me to being the writer and performer than I am.
52:17 Lewis Howes? What do you think it'd be if your dad was always there, loving, supportive?
52:22 IN-Q? You know, it's impossible for me to predict or to even like explore because it's um, who knows, man?
52:33 Lewis Howes? Do you think you'd be a poet and an artist in this way?
52:36 IN-Q? No, I don't, I don't think that I would be a poet in the way that I am because I think that when you had um
52:49 IN-Q? things that were very painful growing up, I think it forces you to look at your life from the outside looking in and um, you know, if you don't have that, you know, you don't necessarily start to ask questions about yourself or your environment until much later. I was always um thinking about, you know, what was going on with me and um so I think that, as I said, led me to being the writer that I am.
53:20 Lewis Howes? Where do you think poetry is going over the next 10 years as a new decade starts? And there's again, books coming out and viral videos and all these things happening. Do you think it's gonna be hot in 10 years?
53:31 IN-Q? Yeah, I think it's gonna be, you know, as big of a genre as anything else. I think poets definitely can be on the cover of magazines like you are. I saw you in the airport yesterday.
53:44 Lewis Howes? Why don't you create a poet magazine?
53:46 IN-Q? Yeah, it's definitely something that's, you know, on our mind.
53:50 Lewis Howes? It's a lot of work though, but yeah.
53:51 IN-Q? You know, look, the reason that I even created this book is I have an amazing friend uh who's a poet, Rudy Francisco, he's an unbelievable poet and he was on Jimmy Fallon. And we've been trying to get on, you know, different late night things and uh
54:06 Lewis Howes? He said you gotta write a book.
54:07 IN-Q? Yeah, because literally the genre of poetry is not something that they will book you for. But they can book you as an author and then you can perform your poetry. So it's almost like this Trojan horse of getting poetry into popular culture and changing people's perception of what it is and what it can be. You know, poets should be able to have their own sitcoms and everything like that. And I think that it's more necessary now than ever because when people get up and use their voice, they inspire other people to do the same. And there's nothing to get in the way of the words and the message in poetry. There's just the words and the message and the person speaking.
54:53 IN-Q? And, you know, with this tool of the internet, people really do need to be using their voice as much as possible, but not to tear down, to build up and to speak about the things that are important to them. Um, I think it's, it's time.
55:09 Lewis Howes? Why do we tear down so much in general? Publicly, behind people's backs? Where does that come from and how do we?
55:16 IN-Q? Yeah.
55:17 Lewis Howes? Switch it?
55:18 IN-Q? Um, you know, it feels good to hate together. It's almost like it's love.
55:25 Lewis Howes? Wow.
55:26 IN-Q? But it's not.
55:27 Lewis Howes? It's almost like it's love to hate together.
55:29 IN-Q? Yeah, man. People love to have a common enemy. They love to tear things down. You know, it's easy. You know, it's much harder to alchemize your negative energy and create something with it. And it is to just go, it's their fault. Or, you know, this person, judge them, you know, all of that. It's much, much easier to do that than it is to actually create something with that energy and put it out into the world. But when you do that, that's when you allow other people to feel less alone. And art, poetry in general, I mean, it inspires empathy and empathy is what the world needs most right now.
56:12 Lewis Howes? Yeah. Where do you think things are gonna go into this next year? I don't wanna talk about politics much, but where do you think?
56:22 Lewis Howes? People's voices, I think I could be talking a lot in the next, this year. It's the election year, right?
56:28 IN-Q? Yeah.
56:28 Lewis Howes? I think it is.
56:28 IN-Q? Yeah, it is.
56:29 Lewis Howes? I don't know anything about this. Right, it's like, I don't follow the news of what's happening, but I just see little bits here and there. People complaining.
56:36 IN-Q? Yeah.
56:37 Lewis Howes? What's your prediction of just the energy of the country and the world? With this next election? Not who's gonna win or this and that, but just the energy? And what do you think we need to be doing as a collective? In order to make sure it's the best possible outcome, energy wise?
56:56 IN-Q? That's very, very difficult to answer. You know, it's a very difficult question to answer.
57:02 Lewis Howes? Because there's so much negativity.
57:04 IN-Q? The political conversation.
57:06 Lewis Howes? Well, there's so much negativity, I feel like, behind the scenes. I'm not involved in it, but so much negativity talking about something people don't like. On all different sides.
57:17 Lewis Howes? Like, is that ever gonna change? Is that gonna be here forever?
57:20 IN-Q? I think we're in an interesting moment in America and an interesting moment in the world. I really do. You know, I mean, look, every generation feels like the world is gonna end. Right? Every single generation feels like, in some way, like, the world is gonna end. This is the most important moment. And it's because their mortality is in question. And as they get older, there's this egocentric thing that I think happens, where you think, if I'm not here, nothing can be here. And so, you know, there's this sense of the world is gonna end because I'm gonna end, right?
58:00 IN-Q? But I will say, this particularly is a very important moment for the world. With climate change, with populism. You know, if an alien spaceship showed up right now, we would all be human beings first. Immediately. Nothing would matter.
58:22 Lewis Howes? Like, coming to attack us, you mean? A spaceship coming to attack us?
58:25 IN-Q? Attack, not attack. If a flying saucer came down.
58:29 Lewis Howes? We would be...
58:29 IN-Q? We would look at each other all of a sudden and be like, oh, it's you and me.
58:33 Lewis Howes? We're in this together.
58:34 IN-Q? Yes, exactly. And I almost feel that climate change is that big of an existential crisis for humanity. Where it's really the thing that could possibly bring humanity together, and we have an opportunity to evolve. Or, it could be a thing where as the environment changes and resources change, climate refugees start to be searching for places we devolve. And I think you're seeing that play out in politics right now. You know, I think you're seeing, you know, us versus them. You know, happen in a very major way.
59:18 IN-Q? And what I hope is is that we're able to realize that we're all in this together. I mean, climate change doesn't give a about our nations.
59:25 Lewis Howes? No.
59:26 IN-Q? It doesn't care about our races. It doesn't care about anything.
59:29 Lewis Howes? Our money.
59:30 IN-Q? Yeah.
59:31 Lewis Howes? It feels like we've been talking about climate change for a long time. Twenty, thirty, fifty years, researchers, scientists. Al Gore's been talking about it for twenty years. I feel like creating movies.
59:44 Lewis Howes? Like, it feels like there's been urgency for a while, but it's more so now, right?
59:50 IN-Q? I mean.
59:50 Lewis Howes? Like, is there ever gonna be a moment you think we change and start changing policies and actually?
59:55 IN-Q? We would, we would have to approach it the way that we would approach a world war.
1:00:00 Lewis Howes? Yeah.
1:00:02 IN-Q? I mean.
1:00:03 Lewis Howes? There has to be lots of deaths, probably, for us to really change, though.
1:00:06 IN-Q? There has to be some sort of a catalyst that allows the collective consciousness to say, we have no other choice but to work together to reverse the.
1:00:20 Lewis Howes? The damages.
1:00:21 IN-Q? The damages that we've been doing.
1:00:22 Lewis Howes? Why does it seem like in life we need something drastic to happen in order to change? Like, dramatic, a death, a loss, an injury, a breakup, for us to look and acquire within? And say, okay, what do we need to change?
1:00:36 IN-Q? Because our patterns are so deeply ingrained. You know, I talk about this in the book. You know, the differences between ideas and ideologies. And how ideas are basically things that, you know, they're tools that you can use in your life that changes your truth and your experience changes. But ideologies are different because they calcify. And then you have to force everything in your reality into the frame of these ideologies. Otherwise, you will lose control over the ideology. And if the ideology has become a part of your identity.
1:01:11 Lewis Howes? Yeah.
1:01:12 IN-Q? Then you're losing control of your identity. It's an, it's an ego death, man.
1:01:17 Lewis Howes? You gotta kill it.
1:01:18 IN-Q? You have to kill a part of yourself to change your mind. I mean, think about how crazy that sounds. When you can look at it from the outside in. And so I think that people have these ingrained set patterns. And, you know, normal things will not shake them or wake them out of that sleep. It has to be something traumatic that allows them to go, whoa. Okay, let me actually look around at what's happening. Not my, once again, projection of what's happening.
1:01:50 Lewis Howes? Yeah.
1:01:51 IN-Q? So that I can see if I want to make some different choices. That's an individual thing. And I think it's the same thing on a collective and humanity basis.
1:02:00 Lewis Howes? Yeah. It just sucks that it takes something drastic to happen in our own lives for us to make a change.
1:02:06 IN-Q? And by the way, some people have that traumatic event and they still don't change.
1:02:10 Lewis Howes? They still hold on to it.
1:02:11 IN-Q? They still hold on to it. They keep the same behavior. They continue to create the same lesson in a different disguise over and over and over again. And they blame everyone else for what's going on. And they wind up, at the end of their lives, taking that into whatever the next realm is. You know, so I think, as I said, this is an opportunity. It's really unfortunate that we had to create this type of an opportunity for us to change our collective perspective.
1:02:43 Lewis Howes? Yeah.
1:02:43 IN-Q? But, you know, the time is now.
1:02:45 Lewis Howes? It is, yeah.
1:02:46 IN-Q? Because at a certain point, it will be too late collectively.
1:02:51 Lewis Howes? To reverse.
1:02:52 IN-Q? To reverse.
1:02:52 Lewis Howes? I see so, wow.
1:02:53 IN-Q? I mean, that's what the scientists are saying.
1:02:56 Lewis Howes? Oh, man.
1:02:59 Lewis Howes? I'm curious, if you could only share one poem with the world, and then you were to die.
1:03:06 Lewis Howes? And this is the only poem you could share. And they wouldn't have any other poems to read from this book.
1:03:11 IN-Q? Wow, that's deep, man.
1:03:11 Lewis Howes? Or any other poems you've ever written.
1:03:13 IN-Q? That's a deep question.
1:03:14 Lewis Howes? No one would have access to them.
1:03:17 Lewis Howes? What would that poem be that you would share to the world? And this is all they have.
1:03:23 Lewis Howes? For the rest of their life, of yours. What would that poem be?
1:03:26 IN-Q? So, the two poems, because it really does represent the two parts of the book. You know, this book has these two parts. It's inhale, and it's exhale.
1:03:36 Lewis Howes? Yep.
1:03:37 IN-Q? And, you know, and by the way, as you're looking at it, there's 60 illustrations in here. You know, I'm so unbelievably excited about this piece. Anyway, so the first part is personal poems, you know, and the second part is social and political. So, the piece about my father, called "Father Time," is the personal thing. Because I think that's what woke me up out of my illusion. And allowed me to start seeing the world around me, rather than my projection of myself and other people. And then I would say, one little dot, which is about climate change.
1:04:22 IN-Q? Because, you know, I mean, the president during the State of the Union didn't mention it one time.
1:04:32 Lewis Howes? Doesn't think about it?
1:04:34 IN-Q? It's the biggest existential threat to humanity right now, and it wasn't even mentioned.
1:04:41 Lewis Howes? It's an afterthought, not even talked about, yeah.
1:04:44 IN-Q? And I would say that that poem is about taking ownership over it, you know, rather than making it someone else's problem. And it's something I'm still working on, on a daily basis.
1:04:56 Lewis Howes? Taking ownership of it, yourself?
1:04:58 IN-Q? Yeah.
1:04:58 Lewis Howes? In what ways?
1:05:00 IN-Q? Just in what I'm deciding to eat.
1:05:02 Lewis Howes? Decisions, yeah, oh, really?
1:05:03 IN-Q? Yeah, for sure.
1:05:04 Lewis Howes? What are you changing?
1:05:05 IN-Q? I cut out meat.
1:05:07 Lewis Howes? All meat?
1:05:08 IN-Q? I still do fish, but, yeah, yeah.
1:05:11 Lewis Howes? When did that happen?
1:05:12 IN-Q? About six or seven months ago. I'm actually ashamed that it took me so long, you know, but I felt like, I mean, it's one of the biggest things that we can do individually. And...
1:05:26 IN-Q? You know, who am I waiting for? You know, but there are other ways as well.
1:05:31 Lewis Howes? Yeah.
1:05:32 IN-Q? Yeah.
1:05:32 Lewis Howes? Wow.
1:05:33 IN-Q? But I'm happy to share either one of those or whatever.
1:05:36 Lewis Howes? Was there a trigger that finally made you say, okay, like, I want to make this decision about me? Was there like a documentary or just a conversation? Or is it just like, okay, now's the time, I gotta do something?
1:05:48 IN-Q? Yeah, I think it was more just like uh me really taking a look at my life and realizing that I wasn't. You know, it's like, it's so easy to talk about something. It's much harder to sacrifice. You know, and that's why we basically like trick ourselves into not sacrificing anything personally. Even for the things that we believe in.
1:06:15 Lewis Howes? Yeah.
1:06:16 IN-Q? And I wanted to change, and by the way, once again, various degrees of success and failure. I'm definitely, you know, not a product, I'm a process. And I'm figuring this out in real time. But like even the other day, I had a water bottle, you know? And as I was drinking it, I felt like ashamed.
1:06:39 Lewis Howes? A plastic water bottle?
1:06:40 IN-Q? Yeah. You know, and that's, that was a new thing for me. Where I was like, good, glad I feel ashamed. Because I need to be aware that, you know, there are consequences. When you throw out trash, where do you think it goes? It doesn't go anywhere, man.
1:06:54 Lewis Howes? Right.
1:06:55 IN-Q? You know, it just basically like leaves where you are.
1:06:59 Lewis Howes? Somewhere else.
1:06:59 IN-Q? Yeah, imagine like all the trash.
1:07:02 Lewis Howes? So much.
1:07:03 IN-Q? We use in a year.
1:07:04 Lewis Howes? Trillions of tons of waste every year.
1:07:07 IN-Q? Yeah, but me.
1:07:08 Lewis Howes? Personal, all the bags every week.
1:07:10 IN-Q? If it was all in my house or in my area, I mean, it would be insane. But I get to go, I'm gonna put it over there. And I get to walk away, but it doesn't go anywhere.
1:07:20 Lewis Howes? Yeah.
1:07:21 IN-Q? You know, so I think it was just me realizing that uh it's one thing to talk about it. It's another thing to be about it. And there's lots, lots more that I can do.
1:07:32 Lewis Howes? There's levels of it, yeah.
1:07:33 IN-Q? But it's about personal sacrifice and taking pride in that. So that like instead of me being like, oh, I'm sacrificing something, that I actually go, no, I'm like. Taking a proactive step for something that I believe in. You know?
1:07:49 Lewis Howes? That's great.
1:07:50 IN-Q? And there's a lot of other people that are around me that are way more advanced and way more evolved and are leading the way for me. But it's something that I wanted to try to put into my own life.
1:07:58 Lewis Howes? It's amazing, man. There's always levels of things we can do to be better. And it's like, I think not shaming yourself. Shaming yourself a little bit is good, but not being like, okay, well, I had the plastic water bottle and what's on my shoe? It's like, then you have to think about every little decision, like where's this brand made from? Who's making it? Is there, you know, there's.
1:08:19 IN-Q? I think that there's a difference. There's always levels. And there's a difference between, you know, acknowledging that something doesn't feel good. And taking a good look at not who you think you are, but who you actually are in a moment. And then vilifying yourself. I don't think you should vilify yourself. I mean, we're all just trying to figure this shit out.
1:08:39 Lewis Howes? Right.
1:08:39 IN-Q? You know, and we're all going through this human shit together.
1:08:42 Lewis Howes? But it's being acknowledging and saying, that's not the way I want to be. I'm going to make a different decision moving forward.
1:08:47 IN-Q? Exactly. Rather than ignoring it so that I can keep getting whatever it is that I want in the most convenient possible way.
1:08:55 Lewis Howes? Yeah.
1:08:56 IN-Q? You know?
1:08:57 Lewis Howes? I want to finish with Father Time, but before we do, I'll make sure you guys get this book. It's going to really inspire you. So make sure to check this out. Incu's spoken at the summit, I think, two or three times, three times? The Summit of Greatness?
1:09:11 IN-Q? Yeah.
1:09:11 Lewis Howes? Three of the four years you spoke at.
1:09:14 IN-Q? And every time I've done different poems.
1:09:15 Lewis Howes? It's amazing. You got four standing ovations last year at Summit of Greatness? It's crazy, man.
1:09:21 IN-Q? Well, you have a great audience, man.
1:09:22 Lewis Howes? That's amazing.
1:09:23 IN-Q? I keep coming back because I love you. I respect you. I love watching you build, man.
1:09:28 Lewis Howes? Thanks, man.
1:09:29 IN-Q? I was saying before we started that like, when you see people that you care about succeed. It's almost better than your own personal successes.
1:09:38 Lewis Howes? Yeah.
1:09:39 IN-Q? You know, because I looked at you on the cover of the magazine when I was in the airport the other day and it just, it filled me with joy.
1:09:46 Lewis Howes? That's good, man.
1:09:47 IN-Q? And I love what you're putting out into the world.
1:09:49 Lewis Howes? Thank you.
1:09:49 IN-Q? You know, because I do know that you're impacting people on a daily basis. It's very, very difficult to quantify that impact. I mean, you might get DMs or someone might come up to you on the street, but...
1:10:00 Lewis Howes? You never know who's listening or watching or reading, you never know.
1:10:03 IN-Q? And you never know how it actually shapes or shifts something in their life in reality. You know, it's one thing to think something or feel something. If someone comes up to me and says, "I loved your show, I thought, I felt," that's amazing. But when someone comes up to me and says they made a different decision in their life that led them to more joy or happiness or gratitude or forgiveness.
1:10:27 Lewis Howes? Love, yeah.
1:10:27 IN-Q? That's the ultimate.
1:10:28 Lewis Howes? It's amazing, yeah. Thank you, brother. I appreciate it. Hopefully we get you back this year again. I love the subtitle, "If you change the present, you change the past and the future."
1:10:37 IN-Q? Yeah.
1:10:37 Lewis Howes? I've never heard it say that way.
1:10:39 IN-Q? Yeah.
1:10:40 Lewis Howes? When you focus on changing the present, you change the past.
1:10:42 IN-Q? Yeah, because if you change the present, if you change a pattern or behavior...
1:10:47 Lewis Howes? The narrative or the story.
1:10:48 IN-Q? Yes, then immediately the past changes, right? Your perception of the past changes and therefore the past actually changes. And then the future changes because what you're bringing into your life, your frequency, changes. And so then what you're attracted to and what you're attracting shifts.
1:11:08 Lewis Howes? That's beautiful.
1:11:08 IN-Q? So it happens simultaneously.
1:11:09 Lewis Howes? Yeah, it's beautiful. Make sure you guys get the book, Inquire Within. They can follow you on Instagram, inq...
1:11:16 IN-Q? InqLife.
1:11:17 Lewis Howes? InqLife, website, inqlife.com.
1:11:20 IN-Q? No, website is I-N-dash-Q.
1:11:23 Lewis Howes? I-N-dash-Q.com.
1:11:25 IN-Q? Yeah.
1:11:26 Lewis Howes? I think you're doing a book tour too?
1:11:28 IN-Q? Yeah, we're doing a big show in LA, in New York, in San Francisco. We'll do DC and, you know, we have other dates, but right now those are the, those are the top ones.
1:11:39 Lewis Howes? So if you love poetry, what you're about to hear, Father Time, what you heard before, then make sure to go watch it live and you can get all that on in-dash-Q.com.
1:11:51 IN-Q? Yeah. And I want to say too, you know, like, this is the first time I've ever had a home for my art.
1:11:58 Lewis Howes? I know, I've been telling you for years.
1:11:59 IN-Q? You have, and you've been pushing me in that direction and yet, we're not ready until we're ready.
1:12:04 Lewis Howes? It's true.
1:12:04 IN-Q? But your voice was always like a good external shove
1:12:09 Lewis Howes? Yeah, yeah.
1:12:09 IN-Q? To push me towards creating it. So basically, these have always been living, breathing documents that have changed as I've changed.
1:12:16 Lewis Howes? Mm-hmm.
1:12:16 IN-Q? And now, I finally can give them away.
1:12:19 Lewis Howes? Mm.
1:12:19 IN-Q? You know, and in giving them away, it's almost been a mini-death for me, so that it can finally have life for other people.
1:12:26 Lewis Howes? Wow. Cause you only performed them on stage, and then they were gone.
1:12:29 IN-Q? Yeah.
1:12:30 Lewis Howes? And then a year or two ago, you started doing videos that went viral, with some of them.
1:12:34 IN-Q? Yeah.
1:12:34 Lewis Howes? But not all of them.
1:12:35 IN-Q? Exactly.
1:12:36 Lewis Howes? And now you have your best ones here.
1:12:37 IN-Q? Yeah.
1:12:38 Lewis Howes? And they are gonna move you, so...
1:12:40 IN-Q? Yeah, and the audiobook too.
1:12:42 Lewis Howes? Oh, you recorded the whole audiobook?
1:12:43 IN-Q? Literally.
1:12:44 Lewis Howes? In, in performance mode?
1:12:46 IN-Q? Yeah.
1:12:47 Lewis Howes? It's gonna be amazing. So get the audiobook, um, it comes out March...
1:12:52 IN-Q? March 31st.
1:12:53 Lewis Howes? March 31st, so you can preorder it if this is coming out before.
1:12:56 IN-Q? And by the way, if you get it, hit me up on social media.
1:12:59 Lewis Howes? Tag him.
1:13:00 IN-Q? You know, tag me.
1:13:01 Lewis Howes? Tag him, take a photo.
1:13:01 IN-Q? Spread the word.
1:13:02 Lewis Howes? Tag him. You're gonna love the poems. Uh, let's finish with the Father Time.
1:13:10 IN-Q? I'm staring at the number, wondering if I should call.
1:13:15 IN-Q? I can hear the tick-tock from the clock on the wall as it meshes with the thump-thump beat of my heart.
1:13:23 IN-Q? Sometimes getting something started is the hardest part.
1:13:29 IN-Q? I didn't meet my dad until I was 15. I'd seen his photograph, but his image was sickening. A coward with a dick, but no balls to back it up. See, when he left me as a kid, I had cause for acting up.
1:13:46 IN-Q? The funny thing about hate is the person you hate doesn't feel that hate. You feel that hate, but wait. The wait can be too much for a person to take, and personally, I was hurt, so I just locked it away.
1:14:04 IN-Q? I was angry all the time, and I didn't know why. I couldn't handle my own rage, so I would hide it inside, pretending everything was fine, became a daily pastime. Time passed, and I started to believe in my own lies.
1:14:22 IN-Q? I took it out on my mom because she raised me alone.
1:14:27 IN-Q? The rage that I couldn't own had left me totally numb. It was like laying mines in my mind that I didn't understand. So when the boy inside cried, the young man outside yelled. I think I learned about my masculinity from TV. The people weren't real, so I knew they couldn't leave me. I would sit there for hours, right in front of the tube. The images that I saw were my depiction of truth. It was manhood in a box, and I bought into it. The censorship of anything inside of me that's sensitive.
1:15:06 IN-Q? The sentence is, "A lifetime of tears, suppressed in a stone face, an overblown ego they've distracted through a paper chase." Back when I was nine, I imagined in my mind that my father was a spy working for the FBI. And that's why he couldn't stop by, write or drop a line. He was off saving our lives from the bad guys. But that was just a lie that I used to get by so that you wouldn't see the tears welling up in my eyes. When you're rejected by the person that you're created by,
1:15:44 IN-Q? you secretly feel like you don't have a right to your life.
1:15:51 IN-Q? I thought if I confronted him, then it would make it all right.
1:15:56 IN-Q? But since I couldn't forgive him, it just recycled my spite. I remember meeting him for the first time. Every time a person passed by, I would ask, "Mom, is that him? I look a little like him, right? No? Oh.
1:16:17 IN-Q? What about that guy?
1:16:21 IN-Q? And that was what it was like to meet the man that gave me my life.
1:16:27 IN-Q? To shake his hand and look into his eyes. We talked till he apologized, then said our goodbyes. I walked away on my own and I began to cry.
1:16:39 IN-Q? Now, for years after that, I acted like it was all resolved. I told him what I thought, so I figured, problem solved. But it just re-evolved. My insecurities were eating at my mental health. I took it out on the world because I hated myself.
1:16:58 IN-Q? That's when I finally decided I needed some help.
1:17:02 IN-Q? I opened up. I started writing about my past.
1:17:08 IN-Q? I got honest with myself and I started chipping at my mask. I looked into the mirror and confronted what I saw. Accepting the reflection by embracing every flaw, then directing the connection into breaking down the walls by reflecting the perfection of the God inside us all.
1:17:31 IN-Q? I stopped focusing on everything that I had been hateful for and started focusing on everything I could be grateful for. And personally, there is a lot I can be thankful for. If pain is dragging you down, just cut the ankle cord. It's when the weight lifted and I really started living. It's when my hate shifted and I really started giving. It's when my fate twisted. It was like an ego exorcism.
1:18:04 IN-Q? Your mind state can be the most powerful of prisons.
1:18:11 IN-Q? My father never played catch with me or gave advice.
1:18:16 IN-Q? But if nothing else, that man gave me my life.
1:18:22 IN-Q? And that's enough for me. If that is all he could ever give. Cause I'm appreciative for every day I get to live. And even though I don't need my dad to validate me, I thought that I should write this poem to thank him for creating me. Because every moment that we are alive is like a gift.
1:18:50 IN-Q? And if that's not enough to forgive,
1:18:54 IN-Q? then what is?
1:18:57 IN-Q? I'm staring at the number, wondering if I should call. I can hear the tick tock from the clock on the wall as it meshes with the thump, thump beat of my heart. Sometimes getting something started is the hardest part. I pick the phone up. The dial tone begins to sing. Punch his number into it and it begins to ring.
1:19:23 IN-Q? Ring.
1:19:26 IN-Q? Ring.
1:19:29 IN-Q? Hello, Mike? Hey, man.
1:19:34 IN-Q? It's, uh, it's Adam.
1:19:38 IN-Q? Your son.
1:19:48 Lewis Howes? My man, thank you, brother. Powerful, man. Thank you.
1:19:52 IN-Q? Thank you. Shit.
1:19:56 Lewis Howes? What did that make you think or feel?
1:19:58 IN-Q? Um, I need to go see my dad more. He got in an accident
1:20:07 IN-Q? fifteen years ago, car accident. He was in a coma for three months.
1:20:10 Lewis Howes? Oh, my God, I didn't know that.
1:20:11 IN-Q? Yeah.
1:20:13 IN-Q? And I was twenty-one.
1:20:15 Lewis Howes? Yeah.
1:20:16 IN-Q? And so he woke up three months later. He was in New Zealand on vacation with his girlfriend at the time. My parents got divorced when I was a teenager.
1:20:28 Lewis Howes? And then he came home when he couldn't speak for many months. He was learning how to write his name. We had to, you know, take him to the bathroom and change his diaper. So I had to become a father to my father. And teach him how to walk, how to talk. Twenty one. Wow. So, yeah, I had to teach him. We had to teach him all these things, you know, he couldn't even. We were like, just trying to have him throw a ball like just a few feet, just like to learn everything on how to be a human. And he had amnesia, so he didn't remember who a lot of us were. So it was always like having to tell him. So it's been fifteen years now, almost fifteen, fourteen years. Wow, to look at your dad and have him not know who you are.
1:21:13 Lewis Howes? Yeah, so it's been fourteen years. He's come a long way. He's still alive. You can have normal conversation with him, but he gets very tired after about an hour of talking with him. He's just like, wants to sit around and watch TV. Yeah. So he's a man who was always full of life, super excited, giving, cared about his kids. To not caring anymore about life or his kids, really. And also, I can't blame him because he had a car. He got in a car accident where the car came through the window and hit him in the forehead. So we had traumatic brain injury. So just functions of his brain don't work that well. So it's just, it's hard because it's like I lost my dad, but he's still alive.
1:21:56 Lewis Howes? So every year, one of the reasons I started Someone of Greatness
1:22:01 Lewis Howes? was to have an opportunity to go home so he could come in Columbus, Ohio, where he lives. So we could come and watch and be a part of it. And experience. Experience it and just like have time for me to go see my dad as well, give me an excuse to go home. So it's one of the reasons I, I do, you know, I do that, so.
1:22:21 IN-Q? He must be so proud of you though. I mean, when.
1:22:25 Lewis Howes? I mean, when I see him, he says, yeah, I mean, I think so, but when I see him, he's like, you used to play football? Where'd you go to school again?
1:22:34 IN-Q? I'm so sorry.
1:22:35 Lewis Howes? So it's just like, I have to say the same story over and over again, which is kind of hard. And then he'll remember stuff.
1:22:40 IN-Q? Yeah.
1:22:41 Lewis Howes? But it's, it's not a relationship with my father. It's a different dynamic.
1:22:45 IN-Q? Of course.
1:22:47 Lewis Howes? So it's just, I came to acceptance after, you know, four, five, six years of it happening. It was just like angry, sad.
1:22:55 IN-Q? You had to go through all the stages.
1:22:56 Lewis Howes? All the stages, you know, I wanted to fight for him to like, get back in shape. He gained like 150 pounds because he just ate whatever. It didn't work out. Hired him a trainer full time, tried to do whatever I could to motivate him. And just the tactics or strategies weren't working like they would have worked with him.
1:23:15 IN-Q? Right.
1:23:15 Lewis Howes? So it's just coming to a phase of acceptance over the last 15, 14 years.
1:23:20 IN-Q? Do you have moments of clarity when you're with him that you do connect and you break through? And you're fully there with each other?
1:23:28 Lewis Howes? I think so. I think so. But it's never going to be the same because he's limited in his ability to think and communicate. But there's moments where we'll definitely like laugh and talk about funny stuff. And his personality will come out a little bit, but his personality shifted too. So, you know, it's just the brain functions, I guess, in a different way when you traumatically hit it that hard. So I have a lot to be grateful for. He gave me 21 years of some great times, you know? And he's still alive and he's happy. He seems to be not in that much pain. So I'm grateful. It's just a different dynamic, different relationship.
1:24:09 IN-Q? Yeah, I, I definitely hear what you're saying in terms of losing the father that you had. And having to develop a new relationship under circumstances that are out of both of your control.
1:24:23 Lewis Howes? It's out of control. And it's like, he's a man who would do anything for his kids and would show up and. He was at every football game, taking photos in the sideline. I've got thousands of photos he's taken. And he just was so, so excited about life. And now he's not excited about life. So it's like he died, but he's still physically here. And so you just have the memories, but he's not doing that anymore. So.
1:24:47 IN-Q? Well, the only thing I can say, because there's, there's no words of comfort that can be given for a situation like this that is out of your control and out of his control.
1:24:58 Lewis Howes? Right, right.
1:24:59 IN-Q? It's just a, you know, unfathomable part of life, basically. But I will say that I, even if you don't understand things, you know, you do understand things. And so when he's there watching you, he understands energetically.
1:25:19 Lewis Howes? Yeah.
1:25:20 IN-Q? And I know that he's proud of you.
1:25:22 Lewis Howes? Yeah, of course.
1:25:23 IN-Q? And, you know, in those moments of clarity, man, he taught you how to be the man that you have become.
1:25:32 Lewis Howes? Yeah.
1:25:33 IN-Q? And he did an amazing job.
1:25:36 Lewis Howes? Yeah, yeah. I think it's, I think it's interesting. Thank you. I think it's interesting that, the way I asked you, I was like, do you think you'd be this talented poet doing these poems if your father wasn't there?
1:25:48 IN-Q? Yeah.
1:25:48 Lewis Howes? And you said, probably not, maybe something different, but not this way. And I'm like, I don't think I would be caring much about impacting humanity in the biggest way that I care about without him going through that experience. And I don't think I would have learned how to make money. I don't think I would have learned how to do all these things. It's like I had to grow up that day and not rely on him because he was so supportive. He was so giving. He was, you know, comforting emotionally, mentally, spiritually, financially. And so when that was gone, it was like, okay, I had to become born.
1:26:23 IN-Q? Right.
1:26:23 Lewis Howes? And learn all these skills that I didn't know.
1:26:26 IN-Q? Yeah.
1:26:27 Lewis Howes? Because I didn't have that to rely on anymore. So in a, in a sense, in an unfortunate sense, it took a tragic event for me to. Learn a lot and to like move forward into this new being as opposed to I don't know who I was.
1:26:41 IN-Q? Keep going at the same pace and in the same direction you were going. I mean, there's no way to make sense out of something like that. And there are, you know, unfortunately, so many situations that you just can't make sense out of. There's no way to say this is why this happened. But whatever does happen, we then have an opportunity after we go through those stages, which are necessary in grief, to decide whether or not we wind up being victimized by the situation or empowered by it. And, you know, this is an unfortunate situation that is unexplainable,
1:27:21 IN-Q? but it does sound, you know, to what you said, that you became empowered by it ultimately. And you being empowered has empowered countless other people along the way. And so that's true alchemy. You know, and you can do that through art, you can do that through business. I mean, business can be art too. Anything you do in life is your art. The lives that we're leading is our masterpiece, you know? So I feel that you did transform that and are continuing to transform that. And that, by the way, if he understands or he understands,
1:28:03 IN-Q? that is something that he would be unbelievably proud of you for.
1:28:07 Lewis Howes? Yeah, yeah. Thanks, man.
1:28:10 IN-Q? Love you, brother.
1:28:10 Lewis Howes? Love you too.
1:28:14 Lewis Howes? My friend, I hope you feel empowered to use your voice in a magical way today, to share with the world, to open up your heart, to express what's on your mind and to get your dreams into life by using the power of your voice. If you enjoyed this episode as much as I enjoy hanging out with NQ every time I see him, then do me a favor and share this with one friend. Because you have the power to change someone's life today, to impact someone's life, to improve someone's life by just sending them this link, lewishouse.com/934 or just
1:28:45 Lewis Howes? Copy and pasting the link from the Apple Podcast you're listening to or Spotify or wherever you're listening to this podcast. Take the link, text it to one, two, or three fans right now and post it on your Instagram story and put the link on there for people to listen. You have the power to change someone's life by sharing this free, incredible, insightful interview. Do it right now. And if this is your first time here, I would love it if you subscribe to the School of Greatness on Apple and leave us a review. Let us know what you thought of this, what you enjoyed from it, how it helped you, how it supported you. And I'm sure in queue, we'd love to hear the feedback also on how this supported you with his message. I'm so grateful for your time. I know these are some weird times right now and I hope you
1:29:28 Lewis Howes? continue to come back here because we're committed to serving you in the highest level to help you get through any challenge you're facing. We're committed to giving you the tools, getting the most out of the most brilliant people in the world. So you are supported in your life. This is not the School of Average. This is the School of Greatness and we are committed in the biggest way to supporting your life. I'm so grateful for you. I love you so very much. And as Eleanor Roosevelt said, "Speak your mind even though your voice shakes." It's a duty for you to speak your mind right now and share your voice with the world. And as always, you know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great.
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