9 Things You Rarely Do For Yourself (But Should Do Every Day)

A neuroscientist and brain surgeon told Lewis that emotional regulation is the single most important skill every human being should master, yet most of us were never taught how to do it. You know that feeling of waking up already exhausted, scrolling your phone before your feet hit the floor, and saying yes to things that drain you just to avoid conflict. Most people are burned out not because they are doing too much, but because they are doing too much of what does not actually matter to them and too little of what brings them joy. These nine practices are not about overhauling your life overnight. They are small, stackable habits like protecting your first ten minutes each morning, naming your emotions without judgment, and creating mental closure before bed so tomorrow gets the best version of you. Make Money Easy: Create Financial Freedom and Live a Richer LifeThe Greatness Mindset: Unlock the Power of Your Mind and Live Your Best Life TodayThe Mask of Masculinity: How Men Can Embrace Vulnerability, Create Strong Relationships, and Live Their Fullest LivesThe School of Greatness: A Real-World Guide to Living Bigger, Loving Deeper, and Leaving a LegacyIn this episode you will:Discover why your attention is your most valuable resource and how giving it away first thing in the morning sets you up for a reactive, stressful dayMaster the art of setting boundaries that protect your energy without pushing people away so you can stop resenting the people you said yes toUncover the hidden cost of avoiding hard conversations and how tackling one uncomfortable thing each day compounds faster than motivation ever willUnderstand why consistency beats intensity when it comes to movement and how even ten minutes of daily exercise builds unshakeable self-respectLearn the simple shutdown ritual that will help you stop carrying today's stress into tomorrow and finally wake up feeling restedFor more information go to https://lewishowes.com/1879For more Greatness text PODCAST to +1 (614) 350-3960More SOG episodes we think you’ll love:Lewis Howes [SOLO]Dr. Joe DispenzaDr. Marc Brackett Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Lewis Howes?

  When was the last time that you took care of yourself the same way you take care of everyone else? Most people are great at showing up for others. They give all their time, they give their energy, they give their attention. But when it comes to themselves, they're running on empty. They're feeling burnt out, they're feeling overwhelmed, they're feeling exhausted, they've lost their health, and they've lost who they truly are. And here's what I've learned over the years. Becoming the best version of yourself isn't about big, dramatic overhauls. Actually, it's about small, daily actions that you practice consistently, even when no one is watching. And today, I'm sharing nine things you rarely do for yourself, but you should be doing

• 0:45Lewis Howes?

  every single day if you want more clarity, if you want more confidence, and if you want more control over your life. My name is Lewis Howes. Thank you so much for being here. And the first thing you need to start with is to start your day without reaching for your phone. And this is a big one, and listen, I have been to blame for this many times in my life. But the first thing that most people do every single morning is hand their attention over to someone else. And when you do this, you exhaust yourself and you lose yourself. You hand yourself over to the attention of emails, messages, news, social media, and what other people want from you.

• 1:28Lewis Howes?

  And what most people don't realize is that your attention is your most valuable resource. It is. Because whatever you give your attention to is what shapes your mood, your thoughts, and your identity for the rest of the day. And again, I have been guilty of this, and it's something that I have to constantly remind myself to do. But when you wake up and you immediately reach over for your phone, you're letting the outside world set your emotional state. It's setting you up for failure because you're reacting before you've even had a chance to choose. To choose what you want to do that day. And other people's urgency becomes your priority.

• 2:10Lewis Howes?

  Other people's opinions becomes your focus and other people's problems. Well, those problems become your stress and they become your stress. The first thing in the morning before you even allowed yourself to wake up, to give yourself a routine, to just respond to saying, wow, I'm awake in this world. Let me take a moment to ground myself. So the challenge I have for you is instead of giving the first 10 minutes of your day to other people or the first hour to other people, give that first 10 minutes back to yourself. No phone, no input, just you. And I want you to do a couple of things. I want you to breathe deeply, take some deep breaths.

• 2:55Lewis Howes?

  And just say, thank you for another day, for another opportunity at this life. I want you to stretch a little bit, just stretch your arms, stretch your fingers, stretch your toes, stretch your body. I want you to pray and say grateful for the things that you are grateful for. Talk about those things, pray. Say, where do you need me to be today? I want you to meditate. I want you to set an intention, how you want to show up today. Choose you on how you want to show up today. Because how you start your day trains your nervous system for everything that follows throughout your day. So the first thing is to start your day without reaching for your phone. The second thing is to move your body on purpose, even if it's short.

• 3:39Lewis Howes?

  You don't need a perfect workout. You just need consistency. And one of the biggest lies people believe is that exercises only counts if it's this intense two hour grind at the gym or if it's long or you can impress people on Instagram with it. But that's not the case. Movement isn't about looking a certain way. It's about regulating your nervous system. It's about building confidence. It's about clearing energy. It's about cleansing yourself. When you clear the mental fog, you can help restore energy in your life. So move your body every day, whether that's a walk, you lift something, you stretch, you breathe deeply, even 10 minute a day can count in a big way.

• 4:24Lewis Howes?

  10 minutes a day. Movement is one of the fastest ways to build self-respect. You really build this like belief in yourself after you work out. You're like, man, I can do something hard. I can, I can work out, I can move if I push myself a little bit because every time you move, even when it's short, you're telling your body, I'm listening. I care about you. I'm showing up for you. And you're telling your future self that you respect where you're going because consistency beats intensity. And you don't have to be, again, extreme and exhaust yourself, but just show up and be consistent and move your body. End of thing number two is to move your body on purpose, even if it's short.

• 5:07Lewis Howes?

  Number three, do one hard thing that you've been avoiding. I don't know about you, but I used to really hate having hard conversations with people that I cared about. I just, man, I would dread it. I would sweat thinking about it. I would get anxious and overanalyze like, how am I going to say this thing? How do I bring this up without offending someone or hurting someone? And I would just avoid these things. And the avoiding would create such stress in my body that I was constantly neglecting myself. I was abandoning myself by trying to avoid having hard conversations with people. And confidence doesn't come from affirmations.

• 5:48Lewis Howes?

  It comes from action, not from avoiding the hard conversations, specifically the action that you keep putting off. Every day, I need you to ask yourself, what is one uncomfortable thing that would move my life forward? What is that uncomfortable conversation? What is that call that I need to make? What is that message I need to send? What's the conversation? What is the action step at work I need to do that's going to put something forward rather than hold me back? Because the longer you avoid it, the bigger the problem becomes. And man, It eventually will explode in your face if you keep avoiding it. Avoidance also quietly drains your energy.

• 6:30Lewis Howes?

  It creates this background stress in your life. That's just like this noise. That's kind of like this low scream in your ears. And the longer you wait, the more you avoid, the louder that scream gets. It erodes self-trust, self-belief, self-respect. It just sucks it out of your being. And again, one of the biggest things that holds people back from accomplishing what they want is a lack of self-belief. So when you constantly do things to avoid hard things, you're going to limit your self-belief in the future. And one hard thing a day, one thing today, it will compound faster than motivation ever will.

• 7:14Lewis Howes?

  Discipline is a form of self-care because it builds self-trust. And over time, you stop seeing yourself as someone who avoids discomfort and start seeing yourself as someone who can handle it, as someone who loves it. This changes everything. Do one hard thing you've been avoiding today. This is the third thing. And if you do this, I'm telling you, you will be like a magnet for opportunities because you'll have clean energy. You'll be taking on the things that you are stressing about and you'll be owning them. You'll actually be excited to have these conversations in the future. I know it seems crazy, but you'll be saying to yourself, "Man, I can't wait to have this conversation because I'm going to build more self-belief.

• 7:58Lewis Howes?

  I'm going to have a clearing conversation with this person. We're going to get clarity on what needs to move forward." And sure, there might be some discomfort or stress in the meantime, but you're going to have peace and freedom on the other side of it. So do one hard thing you've been avoiding today. Thing number four, check in with your emotions, not just your to-do list. Because most people track their to-do list, but very few people track their inner state of being. And there's a massive difference here. I like to ask a question to a lot of guests on the School of Greatness podcast. Maybe you've noticed this in the previous interviews. So I say, on a scale of one to 10, your inner peace scale?

• 8:39Lewis Howes?

  You know, one being you have no inner peace, 10 being you are like a Zen master at the moment, and, and nothing phases you. Where are you along this scale of inner peace? And it's fascinating to hear the responses of people on what number they are from one to 10. I'd love to hear your number. Feel free to put it in the comments below. Again, do you feel like you're a two through a five, where just a lot of stress in your life right now? Or do you feel like you're six, seven, eight, where you're starting to get a hold of things and you can manage what's happening and it doesn't really phase you that much? I'm curious where you're at on this inner peace scale. Because few people track their, their inner state of being, and that's a problem in my mind,

• 9:21Lewis Howes?

  because emotions don't just disappear when you ignore them, or when you sweep things under the rug. They don't go away. They go underground and they show up later as burnout, frustration, anger, exhaustion, rage, anxiety, loneliness, depression. So at least once a day, pause and ask, what am I feeling right now?

• 9:48Lewis Howes?

  I want you to name it. I don't want you to judge yourself. I want you to name it and just say, ah, I'm feeling overwhelmed. I'm feeling stressed. I'm feeling scared. I'm feeling

• 9:57Lewis Howes?

  just a little annoyed right now. I'm feeling impatient. And I don't want you to fix it. I just want you to name it. Don't judge it. Because awareness prevents burnout. Just you being aware of what's going on in your mindset and your emotions. It helps you from just numbing it and going through the motions or sweeping it under the rug. This will support you on your growth. And this is how you stay connected to yourself. Instead of just operating on autopilot like most of the world does. Because high performers don't ignore their emotions, they learn to regulate them. In fact, when I asked a neuroscientist and brain surgeon on the show, what is the number one skill that all human beings should master? He said, learning the art of emotional regulation.

• 10:43Lewis Howes?

  And this is a brain surgeon who's worked on a thousand brains and surgery and a neuroscientist studying the mind. He said emotional regulation was the number one skill that human beings should master to have a healthier, happier, more thriving life. Yet, most people are never learn how to regulate. We don't learn this skill growing up. Unless you had some super conscious parents that taught this to you all the time. Most of us never learned this. And this is not us to blame our parents for them not giving us this gift. But we need to master this now. And this is why I have the School of Greatness. This is why I sit down with people who are experts on this topic. So that I can continue to learn and hopefully share that wisdom with you.

• 11:27Lewis Howes?

  Again, the strongest people aren't the ones who suppress how they feel. They're the ones who are honest enough to face their feelings. Checking in with your emotions isn't weakness. It's actually leadership because you start with acknowledging what's going on within yourself. And when you understand your inner state, you make better decisions on the outside of your, your environment. And you can truly see what's happening with people around you. And when you understand and can acknowledge what's happening with people around you, that's called leadership. That's another level of being able to hopefully connect with people in a different way.

• 12:10Lewis Howes?

  And if you're trying to create results in your real life, you need great relationships. And in order to build great relationships, you need to be able to understand people. And in order to understand people, you need to understand yourself. So there's different levels to this awareness to support you and creating what you want in your life. But thing number four is to check in with your emotions, not just to check off your to do list. Thing number five is to set one clear boundary, even a small one. Because if you don't protect your time, your energy, someone else would decide how it gets used. And here's the truth that a lot of people, you know, don't really think about.

• 12:53Lewis Howes?

  And that is, a lot of people are exhausted. Not because they're doing too much and not because they got so much stacked on their plate. They're exhausted because they're doing too much of what doesn't actually matter to them. And too little of the things that bring them the most joy. And this is something we need to be aware of and start shifting with our time and our energy. Now, listen, I run a business. I've got a lot of different things going on. Some of you might be employees or small business entrepreneurs or side hustlers or seeking a career and you've got responsibilities. There's time in your day where you've got to do things and show up to generate income for yourself. But there's a way that you can show up and how you think about your time and generating revenue

• 13:38Lewis Howes?

  that can shift. There's a, there's an approach to how you use your time on a daily basis, even if you're not liking the things you're doing. I remember I was a truck driver for three months in between trying to play professional football and I was training in the summers. I needed a job and I was a truck driver for three months. I was making $250 a week. I was driving six hours a day from Columbus to Cincinnati and back every single day, driving car parts in the back of a pickup truck, taking them down, transferring car parts into the truck and bringing them back. And the first week I was like, man, this is mind numbing. I was like, the, you know, I put the pedal all the way to the metal. I'm going as fast

• 14:20Lewis Howes?

  as I can go with this truck and it only went 55 miles an hour. There was no scenery from Columbus to Cincinnati. It's just cornfields. There's no mountains or anything like beautiful to look at. It's just corn and a four lane highway. And I had to go on the slow lane the whole time. So I'm just sitting there, you know, there was no Bluetooth back then. I had no cell phone back then, whatever it was. And I remember just being like, man, this is mind numbing. Like, how do I, how do I make something of this? And one of the things I did during that time is I literally just started thinking of every musical that I could think of and started singing the songs to myself and acting as if I was in

• 15:01Lewis Howes?

  the musical myself. Now, it might sound a little crazy, a little weird, but I was finding things to do with my time and finding little games throughout the day that I could play on enjoying my time in order to make that money. And you may not have everything that you want every single moment of every day, but if you can bring joy to these moments, if you can interpret them differently, if you can appreciate these things because they're providing something for you in return. You know, that truck driving job was giving me money to allow me to pay my rent. And so the more I started to learn about appreciation during that time, I was grateful for that. And I was trying to make the most of how

• 15:43Lewis Howes?

  I put my energy into that time. A lot of people are doing things that they don't want to be doing. Now, you're in a season where you can't choose that right now. Try to find a way to bring joy to the things you don't enjoy. And also, on the free time extra than that, do things that you do enjoy. Do more of those things, more of those hobbies when you can. Because a lot of people also just say yes in life out of guilt. They say yes to avoid conflicts with their friends or coworkers or family. They say yes because they don't want to disappoint anyone. And every one of those yeses slowly trains your nervous system to believe that your needs come last.

• 16:28Lewis Howes?

  And again, I'm not talking about work that you might have to be doing right now to generate income to pay for your life. What I'm talking about is the extra things that you don't set boundaries that are sucking the life out of you. Boundaries are not about pushing people away in your life. They're about staying connected to yourself. And a boundary can be small. For you, maybe this is just saying no to someone's request that you used to say yes to a lot. It's just starting to reclaim your energy, reclaim your time to invest more in things that you really love doing. Boundaries are not selfish. They are necessary for long-term growth and peace. When you create a boundary on something that you don't want to do,

• 17:12Lewis Howes?

  you're reclaiming peace back into you. When you say yes to something you don't want to do just because you feel like you don't want to avoid conflict, you're really trying to buy peace, but inside resenting the decisions you made and resenting the people you said yes to. So it's a double pain on top of it, instead of just making a clear boundary. But a calm, clear boundary is enough. That's all you need. Because every time you protect your energy, you're sending yourself a powerful message that says, I matter too.

• 17:48Lewis Howes?

  I matter too. This isn't about doing less. It's about doing what actually aligns to your higher self. Because the life you want requires energy. It requires clarity. It requires some freedom of thought. And if you're drained and exhausted because you haven't created boundaries, then you're going to resent yourself. You're going to resent other people. You're going to be exhausted. You're going to be numbing things. You're not going to be paying attention to your emotions. All these things add up. And boundaries are how you reserve and protect your energy. You need energy to thrive. Boundaries are how you keep it protected.

• 18:31Lewis Howes?

  So, set one clear boundary, even a small one today. Thing number six is to check in on your vision daily. I was just with a friend of mine who's talking about, and this is a very successful friend who's, you know, sold companies worth billions of dollars that he's invested in. And he's been very successful in business over the years. And he just knows how to win in business and around money. And he just affirmed this. He goes, you know, if we want to accomplish anything, we have to be so specific on our vision and our goals. And we have to remind ourselves what they are every single day. That's how I've gotten to the success that I'm at. And you need to do it in different areas of life.

• 19:15Lewis Howes?

  Because most people are working hard on life that they never stop to question. They're too busy. They're productive. But a lot of people are misaligned. And you might look at your life right now and say, man, I've just been busy and productive and going from one thing to the next and accomplishing and achieving and climbing a career ladder. But am I in alignment with what I feel like I'm meant to do? Am I listening to that thing? And am I in alignment with the work that I'm doing? When you don't check in on your vision, you don't stop moving. You just start drifting or you're over accomplishing. For what? What are you accomplishing for?

• 19:56Lewis Howes?

  And is the accomplishment in alignment with a vision that is meaningful for you? Drifting is dangerous because it feels like progress. It feels like you're getting things done until you wake up years in the future, realizing you built a life that you don't actually want. Then you resent it and you look back and you think you wasted years. So every day I want you to take a few minutes to check in on your vision. I don't care if you have something on your phone that is a reminder of your vision. If you put a little vision map on your phone and you look at it throughout the day and so you're constantly reminded. I don't care if you print something off and put it on your mirror at home. I don't care what this strategy is for you.

• 20:40Lewis Howes?

  Take a few moments every day to focus on your vision. When you do that, you can ask yourself, am I moving toward the life I actually want? Or am I just responding to what's urgent for other people? Because your vision is not something you set once. It's something you return to daily. It's, it's like a living, breathing document. And it's a dream that you constantly upgrade and update and you see the progress. But if you're not focused on it with clarity, it's going to be hard to accomplish it. And you're going to be in reaction mode a lot. So I need you to read your goals, to revisit your values, to remind yourself of who you're becoming and why it matters.

• 21:24Lewis Howes?

  Clarity comes from repetition, not just from setting it once and saying, ah, I'm good to go, but reminding yourself and then asking yourself at the end of the day, did I live into my values? Did I do something hard today that's going to help me get one step closer to my vision and my goals? This is the key. You do this daily, over and over again, you compound the interest on your dreams and you're going to be amazed of what happens in six months, 12 months, two years, just boom, things coming to you. And the people who build meaningful lives aren't the ones who never get distracted. Listen, I get distracted, but they're the ones who notice it faster.

• 22:06Lewis Howes?

  And course correct sooner. You know, I'm a sucker for a cool new project and launching a new business and taking on new people's ideas and saying, yes, I'll be a part of this. And I have to quickly remind myself like, ah, that doesn't align with the vision right now. It's cool and fun over here, but how much time is that really going to take? How much energy would that take from me? If my focus and attention going over there, then it's pulling me away from the main vision that I have. When you check in on your vision daily, you stop chasing everything and you start choosing intentionally. That's how alignment is built and that's how fulfillment grows. And I need you to start doing this. Step number six is to check in on your vision daily.

• 22:52Lewis Howes?

  Number seven is to feed your mind with something that makes you better. One of the main reasons I started the School of Greatness, one of the reasons why I created the books that I have, including this one, The Greatness Mindset, this is the book I wish I had when I was 16, when I was 23, when I was 35, and when I was 40. This is the book that I wish I had because it's everything that guides you on getting a clear vision, the exact exercises, the lessons, the neuroscience behind it to help you accomplish your dreams and goals and find true peace within yourself on your journey. I didn't have all those tools growing up. This is everything I've learned in 13 years of running the podcast with the smartest

• 23:33Lewis Howes?

  people in the world that I've distilled into a book for my younger version of me and my current version of me. And it's why I still do the School of Greatness, because I need to feed my mind with something that makes me better. I need to learn from people constantly because if I don't, I can get easily distracted in negativity. And what consumes you daily shapes who you become. What you scroll on social media, what you listen to, what you watch before bed, what you replay in your own head, what you say to yourself, all of it is shaping your thoughts, your confidence, and your expectations for your life. Most people don't have a motivation problem. They have an input problem.

• 24:16Lewis Howes?

  So don't wait until you feel lost to feed your mind with something nourishing. Read a few pages a day of something that is empowering. Listen to something educational or inspiring, not just something that drains you. Journal a few sentences or a page consistently of something empowering and positive. Even a few minutes a day compounds over time. I want you to starve distraction. It's so easy for me to get distracted. I want you to starve it by being so clear on your vision and empowering yourself with positive information that supports you and feeds your growth.

• 25:00Lewis Howes?

  Because the version of you that you're becoming is being shaped by what you allow into your own mind. Every single day. And whenever you choose better inputs, better thoughts start to follow. Better feelings start to come out of that. And better actions come when you have clear and positive thoughts and empowering feelings. It's hard to do something creative and positive when you're constantly thinking negative thoughts and feeling negative emotions. It's hard to build something with momentum from that state. Because that is a lower frequency of energy when you have negative thinking and negative emotions.

• 25:44Lewis Howes?

  It's just hard to get the energy. You need the energy to thrive. So thing number seven is to feed your mind with something that makes you better every single day. The eighth thing is to practice gratitude out loud or in writing. This isn't some magic tool here, but this is the fundamentals. And the great basketball player Kobe Bryant, you know, would talk about how he would practice hours daily of the fundamentals before he would get into the trick shots and all the fancy stuff because he knew the fundamentals is what allowed him to do everything else with creativity. And it was like the icing on the cake.

• 26:27Lewis Howes?

  Gratitude isn't about pretending everything is perfect. And then we go through seasons and moments of life that are stressful and overwhelming, and there's grief and loss and sadness and all these things. But what it is, is about training your mind to see what's already working and the good in life, even if there's overwhelm, stress, sadness. Because when you practice gratitude consistently, you stop living in scarcity and you start living in awareness. You find the good and you can also recognize what's not good or what's not working and that's okay. But you realize that there is support here in your life. You realize that there's progress being made in your life.

• 27:08Lewis Howes?

  You realize that there is something good in this moment, even if you feel like you've been exhausted for months. And even when life isn't perfect, specifically when life isn't perfect. And here's the key, gratitude works best when it's expressed. When you talk about it, say it out loud, write it down, share it with someone. It becomes contagious. And when you shift from frustration, sadness, anger, resentment, loss, fear, insecurity into gratitude, your whole mental thought process starts to shift.

• 27:45Lewis Howes?

  Your emotional state starts to shift. You start to feel a little warmness in your heart. Your cells start to respond. And then your actions start to align with that as well. Small things count. Your health matters, your breath, your progress. You can find gratitude in the smallest of things. And it can shift your thinking and shift the way you feel in that moment. And just compounding that throughout the day makes life more beautiful. Gratitude shifts you from what's missing to what's actually working. And that's the key. Practice gratitude. Say it out loud or put it down in writing and watch how it will completely change your life.

• 28:28Lewis Howes?

  This isn't some magic tool, but it is the fundamentals that most people forget to apply in their life. And thing number nine is to shut the day down and don't let it bleed into tomorrow. Most people carry today's stress into tomorrow. They carry it right into tomorrow. They go to bed anxious and stressed. They wake up anxious and stressed and just in reaction mode all day on this hamster wheel of exhaustion. And that's why they wake up tired. That's why they wake up, you know, before the day even starts and they're like drained and their nervous system is on edge. Imagine doing that day after day after day, year after year, decade after decade. Your body is going to break down.

• 29:13Lewis Howes?

  You're going to have challenges. It's going to be a challenging life. Because without closure, your brain keeps working and stressing at night. While it's supposed to repair and recover, it replays mistakes. You have bad dreams and nightmares. It rehearses the worries of your life. It holds on to what could have been better and what you should have done and how you made a mistake and how you were stupid in that conversation. Whatever. That's not rest. That's rumination. Every night, you need a shutdown strategy. Something that allows you to unwind. Me and Martha, my wife, we pray, we share what we're grateful for, we connect with each

• 29:55Lewis Howes?

  other, we put our phones away, and we reflect on the day with gratitude. It may seem like lame or silly to do this, but I'm telling you, I sleep like a baby. I didn't always used to sleep well. I used to be beating myself up and ruminating, and it took me a long time to learn how to shut it down, and it brings me a lot more peace and gives me energy for the next day. So here's something you can do. You can ask three questions at night. What did I do right today? And you have to find something you did right, because if you're a person that beats yourself up over everything like I did, you're gonna find, even you do the greatest of things, you're gonna find something wrong. You're gonna find something wrong that you did, even

• 30:38Lewis Howes?

  if you got a promotion, even if you, whatever, made more money, even if you accomplished some goal, even if you, whatever happened, right? If it wasn't perfect, you're gonna find a way to judge yourself. I did this all the time. This does not do anything good for you. Find one thing you did right today and acknowledge it for yourself. This doesn't mean you're still making mistakes and you can focus on improving that, but just when you go to bed, find one thing you did right today. Ask yourself, what did I learn today? What's a lesson I learned that I can apply tomorrow? And what can wait until tomorrow? There's stuff you're ruminating on, you want to get done now, what can wait until tomorrow?

• 31:17Lewis Howes?

  Write it down, close the loop, let the day end so you can rest and go to sleep peacefully. Because you don't need to fix your life at night. I'm telling you, your brain is tired, you're not gonna be doing your best work at night. You need to finish the day, not fix your work. Because tomorrow deserves a fresh version of you, not one weighed down by everything that you didn't resolve the day before. Mental closure is a daily habit, and people who build great lives don't skip it.

• 31:49Lewis Howes?

  So thing number nine is shut the day down and don't let it bleed into tomorrow. Because here's the truth, my friend, you don't need a new life. You need new daily standards. Because the way you treat yourself every day determines the version of you that shows up in the world. Start with one. Stack it daily. Build momentum. One day. Make it a beautiful day and apply these nine things. I want you to comment below which one of these things that you are committed to doing. At least for the next seven days. Maybe what is one thing that you've been neglecting? That you want to add? And what's something else you would want to add as well from these nine things? And I'm telling you.

• 32:33Lewis Howes?

  Watch what happens over the next seven days. It's going to completely transform your life if you apply all nine of these things. Boom, it's going to be incredible. Remember, becoming the best version of yourself is not about doing more for others. Yes, we want to serve people. We want to be of value to people. That is a beautiful gift of life. But it's not about doing so much for others and not doing it for yourself. It starts with taking responsibility for you, my friend. Because you have one human being to take care of, and that's yourself. When you take care of you, you have the energy and the ability and the creativity to serve other people in such a beautiful way. But when you're only giving to others and neglecting yourself.

• 33:16Lewis Howes?

  Man, you're just draining and exhausting your life. And it's not as rewarding. So I want these reminders to serve you today. And if they did, make sure to share this with a friend, comment below, like this video. Post it on social media. And stay connected. And I want to remind you, if no one's told you lately, that you are loved. You are worthy. And you matter. Now, the big question is, how can I keep up these self-care habits consistently? Well, when I spoke with James Clear, the author of Atomic Habits, he broke down how to make habits so simple enough that they actually stick with you. And I wanted to share that conversation because it really helps emphasize how to not feel good about taking care of yourself

• 34:01Lewis Howes?

  and then immediately fall back into your bad patterns. So take a look at this. If people are listening to this, watching this, thinking about how they can transform their lives and better their lives, what's something over the next seven days that they should be thinking about with their habits to make this happen?

• 34:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, great question. I don't even think it needs to be seven days. I think it'd be five minutes, you know, like you can do a lot with five good minutes. Like five good minutes of exercise will reset your mood. Five good minutes of writing will make you feel totally different about your manuscript. It's like now the project's moving forward. Five good minutes of conversation will restore the relationship and, you know, get people back on track. So five good minutes can do a lot. And I think you can scale it down that small and just ask yourself, you know, how can I live five good minutes, you know, how can I? Like in a sense, each day is a small lifetime. And how can you live a good life today? That's really all you got to focus on is can I have a good day today? And then you can wake up again tomorrow and do the same thing. And this idea of getting 1% better each day,

• 35:02Speaker 01

  it's really encouraging a focus on trajectory rather than position. You know, there's so much discussion about position in life. We have all these different ways of measuring our current position. Like what's the number on the scale? How much money is in the bank account? What's the current stock price? We have all these different ways of analyzing what our current position is. And then usually when we get that number, whatever it is, there's kind of some sort of judgment that happens, you know, it's not where I said I wanted to be yet, or we haven't achieved what we said we wanted to achieve. And what I'm encouraging is to say, listen, measurement's fine. It can be useful, but just for a minute, let's set that to the side and stop worrying so much about our current position and focus a little bit more on our current trajectory.

• 35:46Speaker 01

  You know, is the arrow pointed up and to the right or have we flatlined? You know, are we getting 1% better or 1% worse? Because if you're on a good trajectory, even if it's just for the next five minutes, you know, then you're on the path where all you need is time, like. Time will magnify whatever you feed it. You know, if you have good habits, time becomes your ally and that trajectory will carry you forward. And if you have bad habits, time becomes your enemy. And every day that goes by, you kind of dig the whole little bit deeper. And so getting 1% better each day, it's really a mindset. It's an approach. It's less about measuring it. Oh, is it 1% or 1.6% or whatever? Like, it's not about getting caught up in the numbers. It's about trying to focus on putting yourself on a good path and then letting those days stack up.

• 36:30Lewis Howes?

  Before the interview continues, if you feel like you're not living your most authentic life, not leaning into your purpose and not living the life that your future self would be extremely proud of. I've written a new book called The Greatness Mindset, and I think you're gonna love this. Through powerful stories, science-backed strategies and step-by-step guidance, The Greatness Mindset will help you overcome all the different challenges in your life to design the life of your dreams and then turn it into your reality. Make sure to click the link below in the description to get your copy today. Okay, let's get back to this video. And seeing the trajectory, I love that approach and that mindset. I'm curious, in your opinion, why do you think so many people have the habit of being hard on themselves,

• 37:13Lewis Howes?

  even when they're improving and seeing the metrics go up on whatever they're measuring?

• 37:17Speaker 01

  I mean, it can probably be many different things and I, you know, I don't know all the answers. I think one thing that's common is that the results of success are widely discussed and highly visible. And the process of success is often invisible and hidden from view. You know, like you'll never see a news story that's like, man eats chicken and salad for lunch today. You know, it's only a story once it's like, man loses 100 pounds. You know, it's only once it's a result that people talk about it. Or like, there's never gonna be a story about James writes 500 words today. You know, it's like only a story once Atomic Habits is a bestseller. And so because the results are the thing that gets discussed so much, and it's not, by the way, it's not that results don't matter. Like, I consider myself pretty results-oriented.

• 38:02Speaker 01

  It's just that I think we tend to overvalue outcomes because it's all we ever talk about. And we undervalue the process because it's just not, it's not compelling to talk about what's going on on a daily basis. So. Because of all that, I think it can get easy to judge yourself. You know, you could be doing the right thing on any given day. Like I could sit down and I could write 500 words and that's actually a really good day, you know? But if the manuscript's still a mess and I'm still a year and a half away from the book coming out and I'm seeing somebody else launch a bestseller this week, then it's you start to judge yourself and feel like, oh, they have what I want to have or I'm not there yet, or this is still a mess. I've been working on it for months, like this is never going to get finished. It's very easy to fall into that kind of mindset. And especially if you're focused on results.

• 38:47Speaker 01

  So I think the shift is partially, it just helps to know that working on habits day in and day out, focusing on building a better process and building a better system is how results occur. And that is very obvious to all of us as soon as you say it, but man, it's so easy to forget it on a daily basis. And so reminding yourself that most of your results in life are a lagging measure of the habits that precede them. So your bank account is a lagging measure of your financial habits. Your physical fitness is the lagging measure of your exercise habits. Your even like silly stuff like the amount of clutter in your living room is a lagging measure of your cleaning habits.

• 39:31Speaker 01

  So many areas of life are largely, maybe not exclusively, but largely influenced by the habits that precede them. And so if you want better outcomes, the thing to focus on is building better habits. And for some reason, we get into this mindset where we're focused on results and we naturally start to compare. And that leads to feelings of judgment, resentment and negativity and so on. And if we can just shift it a little bit and just try to focus on having five good minutes or living a good day or building better habits, then I think maybe you pull yourself back in the present moment. You focus a little bit more on running your own race and maybe a little bit less on what everybody else is doing.

• 40:11Lewis Howes?

  Hmm. Love that, man. Focus on your own race. You know, over 10 million copies sold of Atomic Habits.

• 40:19Lewis Howes?

  You know, if there is anyone who hasn't got this yet, you guys got to make sure you get this. But I'm curious for those who haven't got it yet and don't know, how long does it take to form a habit? There seems like there's all this different research. This university says this and this scientific study says this. How long does it take to actually form a habit? And it's dependent on what habit you're trying to create. And are there also, also are there different stages of building and forming a habit?

• 40:47Speaker 01

  Hmm, that's interesting. The stages part's interesting. People don't usually ask that. Okay, so very popular question. How long does it take to build a habit? It does depend on the habit you're building. So there are a variety of studies that show, you know, if you pick an easy habit, you know, it might only take a couple of weeks. If you pick something really difficult, maybe it takes six or seven or eight months. Like, you know, who knows? But it also depends, like the same habit can take very different amounts of time, depending on the context. Imagine one person who's trying to build the habit of doing yoga every day and they live with a bunch of athletes or people who go to yoga studios or whatever. And then the other person is trying to build a habit of doing yoga every day and they live with nobody who works out and they kind of get criticized or poked fun at if they do it in front of them.

• 41:31Speaker 01

  Well, same habit, but very different situations. And so the environment's going to influence how much friction you're feeling associated with that. And obviously that will influence how easy or difficult it is. So I don't really know that the timing tells you anything. You know, there's all these kind of popular myths, 21 days or 30 days or whatever. And there's not really anything to back that up. But there's also a couple of studies that say on average, it's like 66 days or something like that. But again, the range can be quite wide, depending on the habit. So I think the true answer, the honest answer to how long does it take to build a habit is forever. Because if it stops, if you stop doing it, it's no longer a habit, you know, like,

• 42:11Speaker 01

  and what I'm trying to get at with that is habits are not a finish line to be crossed. You know, they're a lifestyle to be lived. It's something to integrate into your new normal. It's not like, hey, let me just do this for 30 days or 66 days and then I'll be a healthy person or then I'll be productive or whatever, you know, I won't have to think about it anymore. It's like, no, like what we're looking for is a change that you can integrate into your new normal, something you can make part of your lifestyle. And then, once it's part of your daily life, great, you can start to look at the next habit, try to integrate that one. And it's a, it's kind of this endless process. And maybe that encourages you a little bit more to look for a non-threatening change or a sustainable change, rather than just trying to flip a switch.

• 42:53Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, and it also sounds like a habit is only a habit, and correct me if I'm wrong, if it becomes and is your identity on a consistent basis. And if it's not your identity, then, and you're not, then you're not doing it if it's not your identity.

• 43:09Speaker 01

  I don't think most researchers would define it that way, but it speaks to this question you asked about stages. And that, that was kind of the first thing that I thought about, uh, when you mentioned that question. So like, let's say, for example, let's just take like a classic habit, like going to the gym and we're working out. So, early on, going to the gym is kind of uncomfortable. You know, you're worried about like, are people judging me? Do I look stupid? I don't know what exercises to do, um, you know, like, I don't know where to put my stuff. Do they have a water fountain at this gym? Or do I need to bring a water bottle? There's like all these like stupid little questions that you're thinking about when you're getting started. And it's definitely not part of your identity. You haven't shown up enough to be comfortable there and feel like, hey, this is just part of who I am. And so, early on, the kind of the first stage when you're practicing it, I think the number

• 43:54Speaker 01

  one thing you need to do is scale it down, reduce the scope, and try to make it as easy and as frictionless as possible to show up each day. So that's probably like, stage one, is how do I make this?

• 44:04Lewis Howes?

  It's the opposite of what people try to do when they're like, I'm out of shape, I'm gonna go every day for the next year, and I'm not gonna miss a day, and I'm gonna eat chicken and salad every day.

• 44:11Speaker 01

  Well, and you know what's interesting is, especially for ambitious people, it's really interesting, or really easy to fall into that pitfall. Because when you sit down and you think about the changes you want to make, Yeah, it's easy to get excited about that. I think implicitly you kind of, even though people don't say it, what the thing that's kind of in the back of their mind is, what can I achieve on my best day? Like, how can I get to peak performance, you know? And instead, I almost think it's more useful to ask yourself, what can I achieve even on the worst days? Like, what habit could I stick to even on the bad days? Because then if you start there, now you can start to build some momentum. You can show up consistently, you can establish the habit and, you know, you can keep going. So that's maybe the first stage is scale it down.

• 44:54Speaker 01

  The second stage is you start to get some like other rewards associated with it. So you've been going to the gym for a few months and then maybe you start to see a little bit of a change in your body. Or maybe you start to develop some friendships there and you look forward to seeing your new buddy there and you guys fist bump and you chat a little bit. And it's just like kind of more engaging and fun to do it, uh, to go there and, you know, work out. And so these are like other benefits, things that make the habit feel good and they kind of help you show up, uh, more and more. So you're starting to get these external benefits that are coming along the way. And then ultimately, the, the, maybe the final stage or a later stage is now it feels like it's kind of part of my identity. I go like, this is where I would say, so I've been working out for a while now and it's probably like the habit that I care most about.

• 45:39Speaker 01

  Like my, in terms of personal habits, it's the one that feels like it centers me or it's the only time I really get for myself. And so I want to work out now. Yes, of course I want the benefits of it and the, you know, the physical changes and all that stuff. But what I really want is I just feel good when I do it, you know? I feel like I'm being me, I'm being the kind of person I want to be, and it makes me feel like, yeah, this is the identity I want to have, this is the kind of person I want to be. And so I can get that satisfaction instantly, like as soon, as long as I'm doing one rep, I, you know, I get that feeling. And so, um, that's a reward that comes maybe later. You gotta show up a lot before you get to that place mentally. But I think ultimately that's where you're trying to get to.

• 46:24Speaker 01

  Now there is, there is maybe one more stage after that, which is, The tighter that you cling to your current identity, the harder it becomes to grow beyond it. And so this is kind of an endless process, you know, like you, we all can sort of think about like, uh, let's say you have a surgeon who they've been doing an operation a certain way for the last 20 years and they have a bunch of successful patients and cases from that operation. And they just are like, yeah, you know what? I know it works well this way.

• 46:53Lewis Howes?

  And this

• 46:53Speaker 01

  And then a new technology.

• 46:54Lewis Howes?

  Been this way. Yeah.

• 46:55Speaker 01

  Yeah. A new technology comes along and uh, they're like, you know, hey, you can do this with robots now, or you can do it laparoscopically or whatever. And they resist it because they're like, no, I have a lot of evidence for doing it my old way. They cling to that current identity and it's harder to grow. And five years from now, they find themselves behind the curve. Or you've got a teacher who they've been doing their lesson plan the same way for the last 10 years and they don't want to integrate YouTube or some new learning modality or whatever. And five years from now, they find themselves behind the curve. And so the tighter you cling to your current identity, the harder it becomes to grow beyond it. And it's kind of this endless cycle. In the, in the early stages, what you want is to foster the identity to like reinforce being that kind of person because it helps

• 47:39Speaker 01

  you show up. But then eventually a couple of years from now, the world changes and you need to adapt. And so it's kind of like evolve or die. Um, and you need to continually be retouching or optimizing or refining that identity in your approach. Um, and so that's, those are, there are some various stages there, but those are kind of some of the big ones that I, that stuck out to me.

• 48:00Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. And it's like people who are stuck to whatever fax machines and then it's, you know, then from faxing to email and then email to, you know, cell phones and then whatever it is. It's like our grandparents don't keep up with the technology and then we can't call them on FaceTime because they don't know how to turn it on or whatever. So that's interesting. There, it sounds like there's different stages to these habits. And it sounds like when you become successful, the habits that got you here may not necessarily get you to the next stage or season of accomplishment, fulfillment, success, health. Is that right?

• 48:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's interesting because I would say there's kind of like two categories. Their habits are like timeless that you the we call those the fundamentals of whatever your domain is. You know, like in my case, reading and writing are probably always going to be habits that will serve me as an author. You know, but then there's other stuff, you know, the way that I executed the book launch for Atomic Habits. You know what, like if I launch another book in 10 years, a lot of those strategies will probably be outdated. And so you need to upgrade and improve, you need to evolve and change. And so there's, there's both the fundamentals that you always need to stick to. And there's just this continual growth and, and learning process that you also have to be committed to.

• 49:10Lewis Howes?

  I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally, as well as ad free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our greatness plus channel exclusively on Apple Podcasts. Share this with a friend on social media and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts as well. Let me know what you enjoyed about this episode in that review. I really love hearing feedback from you and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward. And I want to remind you, if no one has told you lately that you are loved, you are worthy and you matter.

• 49:54Lewis Howes?

  And now it's time to go out there and do something great.