Pod Insights The School of Greatness 869 Relationships, Fear and Doing What You Love with David Walton About this episode We want a direct path to success. But the road is never straight. What makes it special isn’t just the destination but the journey that shaped us. Along the way, we discover ourselves. We pick up skills and learn how to deal with our fears and emotions. But the emotions that took us to the top often will not keep us there. We must learn a new set of skills to maintain our success and go further. In today’s episode of The School of Greatness, I talk about dealing with anger, preparation, and the journey to success with a Hollywood star: David Walton. David Walton is a talented actor who rose to prominence on television and is well known for his role on the comedy series “New Girl” and for his character Will Freeman on the successful series “About a Boy.” So get ready to learn about emotional growth, how to handle relationship conflicts, and mastering your emotions on Episode 869. Some Questions I Ask: Do you ever feel insecure as an actor? (21:30) Why do you think we hold on to anger and frustration? (27:00) What’s the best part and the worst past about the acting business. (46:30 How do you deal with your fear? (52:00) What questions would you ask Tom Cruise? (50:00) What advice would you give to actors who fear their work will be judged instead of appreciated? (55:00) In This Episode You Will Learn: The effects of alcohol on our behavior. (18:00) Why the destructive forces of shame and guilt are so powerful. (20:00) Why we all want to feel loved. (21:30) How to confront your partner or spouse in a relationship. (32:00) How to make it through the challenges of an acting career. (44:30) The importance of dealing with your fears. (52:00) If you enjoyed this episode check out the video, show notes and more at http://lewishowes.com/869 and follow at instagram.com/lewishowes Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX
Transcript 12,638 words · 2 speakers
Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.
0:01 Lewis Howes? This is episode number 869 with David Walton.
0:07 Lewis Howes? Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.
0:32 Lewis Howes? Plato said, "We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark." "The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light." Boom. Welcome to this interview. I am excited about this because we have the extremely talented David Walton in the house, who I got to know years ago at an event, and we've stayed in touch, and just a great, all-around good guy. For those that maybe don't know who he is, he's an actor known for several TV programs, including Cracking Up, the drama series Heist, comedy series New Girl, and on the NBC comedies Perfect Couples, Bent, and About a Boy.
1:17 Lewis Howes? And super funny on a lot of these different series, but also just got a big heart. And in this interview, we talk about how David's big break early in his career had a negative effect on his growth. Actually, how it was pretty easy for him breaking into a very difficult industry of acting and what that did for him. How ego can affect how we handled being judged or dealing with anger. The advice David would give other actors on their journey to Hollywood. The difference in fear of being seen as an actor versus writing your own words and performing them. That and so much more about relationships.
1:57 Lewis Howes? About fear of doing what you love and so many more things. And I love this quote, "We can easily forgive a child who's afraid of the dark, but the tragedy, the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of a light." And this is something that I'm so passionate about is, is not being afraid of the light that you were born with. We all have these unique gifts and talents. You have something so special inside of you, but we're afraid. So many people are crippled by the fear of failure, the fear of judgment and the fear of success. Actually achieving what we want, people are the most afraid of sometimes because then the responsibility and the pressure to live up to it. And what if people found
2:38 Lewis Howes? out that I wasn't who I, who I say I am, right? These fears cripple us. But for me, the tragedy is when we, when we go to sleep without a dream and we wake up without a purpose. It's like, then what are we doing? We need to be focusing on figuring that out. And sometimes we transition. Sometimes we have a dream, it gets lost and we create new dreams. But that is our purpose and that's our mission here to continue to pursue it. And this story is a powerful one that I think you're really gonna love. Make sure to share it with your friends. Tag David on Instagram, even though he's not that active on there yet. I'm trying to get him more active on there, David Walton. And send someone this
3:19 Lewis Howes? link, lewishouse.com/869 to be inspired by his journey and everything that he's up to. And I'm excited about this interview. So let's dive into this one with the one, the only David Walton.
3:41 Lewis Howes? Welcome everyone to the School of Greatness podcast. We've got the iconic David Walton in the house, man. Good to see you, brother.
3:46 Speaker 01 Good to see you too.
3:47 Lewis Howes? Excited about this. When you walked in, we had a 10 second hug.
3:51 Speaker 01 Yeah, it was about 10, maybe 11 or 12.
3:53 Lewis Howes? 11, 12 seconds. We, we enjoy a long, warm hug.
3:57 Speaker 01 Well, I would say enjoy is an interesting word there because when I first saw you, it'd been four years yesterday and you came in and I tried to pull away and you held on to me. And I had this weird thing in my head going. This is something I've thought about doing with people. This feels incredibly awkward to me. But then as we held it in, I was like, I am not only getting more used to this and into it, but I like him more now.
4:22 Lewis Howes? Oh, there you go. And you remember, you know, I've been known for giving long awkward hugs.
4:27 Speaker 01 Yeah.
4:28 Lewis Howes? As an experiment originally is what I started doing probably like 10, 12 years ago.
4:33 Speaker 01 Yeah.
4:33 Lewis Howes? Experimenting it. And my life has been about experiments. Whenever I'm afraid of something, I say, how can I go all in on this thing? And create like a game or an exercise or an experiment around it? And see what happens on the other side. I'll do a month, a three-month experiment.
4:49 Speaker 01 Great.
4:49 Lewis Howes? And I started doing this because I wanted to have deeper connections with people. And I felt like people were on surface level a lot. And especially growing up in Ohio, playing sports, and guys had kind of this phobia around hugs.
5:01 Speaker 01 Sure.
5:01 Lewis Howes? Even just like a high five and like a little
5:04 Speaker 01 Yeah.
5:04 Lewis Howes? bringing in handshake was almost too much.
5:07 Speaker 01 Yeah.
5:08 Lewis Howes? It was like, don't touch me. It was this phobia. And so I just wanted to change that. And I was like, I really want to be more intimate with people and have deeper connections. And so I started doing that and it just kind of stuck. And I was telling you that we have to be careful in certain climates of the, of humanity, of when that's appropriate and understanding people's energies. So sometimes I don't always do that, but
5:29 Speaker 01 You read people.
5:30 Lewis Howes? You gotta read people.
5:31 Speaker 01 12 seconds, no matter what.
5:32 Lewis Howes? Yeah, no, I read people.
5:33 Speaker 01 You're like President Clinton or President Obama.
5:36 Lewis Howes? I know. Yeah, it might be like a shot. I remember we had a meditation teacher of mine come on for the first time. She wasn't my teacher at that time, but I'm just meeting her. And I gave her a hug and she was almost, it's almost like she saw a ghost. Because she's a monk and she doesn't touch anyone.
5:55 Speaker 01 Oh, boy.
5:56 Lewis Howes? And so Tiffany was there and it was, I felt horrible the whole time I was interviewing her. Because I just felt like I broke some sacred
6:05 Speaker 01 And and she, did she recover? Did she forgive?
6:08 Lewis Howes? She was fine, yeah. No, she moved on. I mean, she's got, you know, the principle of just like not letting, not holding on to things.
6:13 Speaker 01 Yeah, sure.
6:14 Lewis Howes? Cause you're in suffering when you hold on to something.
6:16 Speaker 01 It was actually probably a really good test to see how, how, what level she was at.
6:20 Lewis Howes? Yeah. Are you gonna suffer? Are you gonna hold on to this? Are you a true teacher?
6:22 Speaker 01 Are you gonna start resenting me, you know?
6:25 Lewis Howes? We connected years ago for probably, I don't know, 20, 30 minutes, maybe?
6:30 Speaker 01 Very briefly, yeah.
6:31 Lewis Howes? We had a great connection.
6:32 Speaker 01 Yeah, I agree.
6:33 Lewis Howes? And so it's good to see you again.
6:34 Speaker 01 Yeah, and I remember you reached out to me, I think through Instagram, and I admitted, I admitted to you, I think I did a Dunn Dax's podcast, and you, I admitted to you that I've always been like, why didn't I reach out to Louis after that thing? And then you just sent me your, your phone, phone number like immediately, and I was like, I just like this guy's style. It's all good. It's just, opens it up. It opens up.
6:56 Lewis Howes? Yeah, man.
6:57 Speaker 01 Communication without, we get all worried about, I don't know, not being liked perhaps.
7:01 Lewis Howes? Exactly, man. Yeah, and I, and I've liked following your journey. I think I first heard about you on, it was either about a boy or a new girl.
7:09 Speaker 01 Yeah.
7:09 Lewis Howes? That's where I first saw you, and I started learning more about you from there, and I really liked your style as an actor. And you're a better human being. You're a better human being. I started learning more about you recently. We both went to boarding school.
7:21 Speaker 01 Mm-hmm.
7:22 Lewis Howes? You went to a boy's school first.
7:23 Speaker 01 Yeah.
7:24 Lewis Howes? And then you went to a coed boarding school.
7:25 Speaker 01 Yep.
7:26 Lewis Howes? Which I went to just a coed boarding school.
7:28 Speaker 01 Okay. You've never been in a single-sex environment?
7:32 Lewis Howes? Uh, well, I was in a boys dorm.
7:35 Speaker 01 Yeah.
7:35 Lewis Howes? And then across the campus was the girls dorm. Probably similar to you.
7:39 Speaker 01 Yeah, 100%. And it was all like occasionally sneaking out.
7:43 Lewis Howes? Occasionally, right?
7:43 Speaker 01 Occasionally.
7:44 Lewis Howes? Was it pretty strict for you?
7:45 Speaker 01 Yeah, we get in very big trouble, and that's part of the, I think, the appeal was, you know, breaking rules is exciting for a teenager.
7:52 Lewis Howes? Exactly. Getting out and going to the girls dorm and.
7:55 Speaker 01 Yeah.
7:55 Lewis Howes? Sneaking through the window and like banging on it.
7:57 Speaker 01 I only did it once or twice, actually. I was pretty terrified.
8:00 Lewis Howes? Were you? Were you a by the rules kind of a guy? Do you always follow the rules?
8:04 Speaker 01 That was my family's culture, but I would think everyone would say that I was the black sheep. I have a lot of high achieving siblings, like most of my sisters were all American athletes and
8:15 Lewis Howes? Really?
8:15 Speaker 01 Really abided by the rules and I kind of was like, I'm not as good at sports as they are. How do I become extraordinary? And I was like, I might as well, you know, like just be different than them maybe, I don't know.
8:27 Lewis Howes? Were they like New England?
8:28 Speaker 01 Oh, I mean, the purest. Field hockey? Hockey and lacrosse.
8:32 Lewis Howes? Oh my gosh, amazing.
8:33 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, it's pretty.
8:37 Speaker 01 They were valid foes for a boy. They were strong and.
8:41 Lewis Howes? And we were talking before, you were asking me if I, if I have a cocktail, because we were talking about doing golf sometime.
8:46 Speaker 01 Yeah, I didn't know you didn't.
8:48 Lewis Howes? I don't drink, I've never been drunk and I'll have a Bailey's on ice.
8:52 Speaker 01 Oh, you will?
8:53 Lewis Howes? Once or twice a year.
8:54 Speaker 01 Okay, oh.
8:55 Lewis Howes? Bailey's on ice.
8:55 Speaker 01 One.
8:56 Lewis Howes? Very, maybe two shots.
8:58 Speaker 01 Maybe two.
8:58 Lewis Howes? But it's like I'll sip on it for an hour.
9:00 Speaker 01 It's delicious.
9:01 Lewis Howes? Delicious.
9:01 Speaker 01 Delicious.
9:02 Lewis Howes? And sometimes I'll put it in hot chocolate for Christmas or something. But I think I had a, and you were asking me earlier, why, is there a reason why?
9:09 Speaker 01 Yeah.
9:10 Lewis Howes? And when I was a kid, growing up, my two older sisters both had some challenges with some, some alcohol, drug stuff. They weren't like addicted, but they had some instances that were scary moments, right? And I saw them really sick at times from this alcohol stuff, like throwing up and being sick for days or whatever, right? So, and my sister, my brother went to prison for four years. When I was eight, he went to prison for drugs, for selling drugs to an undercover cop.
9:36 Speaker 01 Oh.
9:37 Lewis Howes? And so we would drive to the, the visiting room, it was about a two and a half hour drive to get there, prison, every weekend for four or five hours and I would watch, we'd be with all of the families and all the other inmates. And I would just witness and observe what was happening. And I don't know if it scared me, but I was just like, I don't want to be here one day. And he was there for four and a half years. He got off on good behavior. But I just remember being like, I don't want to be here.
10:06 Speaker 01 Yeah.
10:06 Lewis Howes? This is not a place, and if it's smoking weed, if it's drugs, if it's alcohol, whatever it is, I just don't want to do it if that's going to get me here.
10:14 Speaker 01 Yeah.
10:15 Lewis Howes? So I remember I used to steal cigarettes when I was 12.
10:19 Speaker 01 Okay.
10:20 Lewis Howes? I was acting out as a young kid, I was the youngest of four and I would steal. From like the grocery store.
10:25 Speaker 01 Oh, from, okay, so like a, you know, felony.
10:29 Lewis Howes? Yes, yes, I would steal almost every, every time I went into a store, I would steal, I had to steal something for about a year and a half.
10:35 Speaker 01 Wow.
10:36 Lewis Howes? What is that called, like klepto?
10:38 Speaker 01 Yeah, well kleptomaniac maybe, but I thought that was stealing from other people, but sure, I, yeah.
10:42 Lewis Howes? It was like, it became a game for me.
10:44 Speaker 01 Yeah.
10:44 Lewis Howes? And I started stealing cigarettes and I would, I remember I wouldn't even smoke them, I would try to like take a puff and I wouldn't even inhale it. Cause I was so afraid if I did something, what it would do to me. But that was my bad phase and, and, and then in high school, I went to a private boarding school, which I know you went to the boarding school as well. You weren't allowed to have alcohol on campus, first off, and kids weren't really going out and buying it.
11:04 Speaker 01 Oh, they weren't?
11:05 Lewis Howes? At sixteen, it just wasn't happening.
11:06 Speaker 01 Yeah.
11:08 Lewis Howes? And then I went to college and then I was playing college football and there was alcohol everywhere. After every game, parties, cake stands, the whole thing. And I remember just saying to myself, I'm not gonna get to where I want in my dreams as a pro athlete if I do what everyone else is doing. And so it just never became interesting for me at college. And so I made a commitment that I wouldn't have one sip of alcohol in college.
11:31 Speaker 01 Not a sip.
11:32 Lewis Howes? Not a sip. Then after college was over, I was like, why would I start now?
11:37 Speaker 01 Did that become your identity in college for the people, like all those Louis?
11:40 Lewis Howes? People knew.
11:41 Speaker 01 Yeah.
11:41 Lewis Howes? And, and girls would try to like,
11:43 Speaker 01 Get you to?
11:44 Lewis Howes? Do whatever I could to make it happen.
11:46 Speaker 01 And when you were with girls who were inebriated and attracted to you, how did that work?
11:51 Lewis Howes? I would just say no.
11:52 Speaker 01 Oh.
11:53 Lewis Howes? I would say no.
11:57 Lewis Howes? I hope you're loving this episode with David Walton. I wanted to let you know about one of our sponsors who's been helping a lot of people lately. There's a lot of confusion about CBD nowadays, but not all CBD is created equally. They're not all the same. Adding Hemp Fusion CBD to your daily routine adds up to a lot of additional benefits. And that's why Hemp Fusion does so many great things for people. Our bodies already make cannabinoids. And plant-based CBD helps naturally balance your body. So unlike other CBD brands who just offer CBD, Hemp Fusion is CBD plus omega. Plus turpens to help you feel 100% and they do this because CBD works best for your
12:39 Lewis Howes? body when they are combined with other powerful ingredients. They then add in other natural ingredients to help create products that specifically support you with stress, sleep, and energy. And everything they do adds up to a better product that adds up to a better day for you. Hemp Fusion, it all adds up. It's available both online and at natural product retailers near you and shipping anywhere in the US. And if you use the code GREATNESS, you get 20% off your first order and shipping at hempfusion.com. So make sure to go to hempfusion.com, use the promo code GREATNESS, and you can get Hemp Fusion shipped anywhere in the US.
13:22 Lewis Howes? And I want to thank another sponsor today, Zapier. Now, growing a business can be challenging. We've talked about this many times, especially when you're wasting hours every day moving data from emails to spreadsheets to your CRM to whatever. Shouldn't that kind of stuff just happen without you having to lift a finger? Well, Zapier can help. And we've been using Zapier for years and we love it. Zapier is the easiest way to automate your work, connects all your business software, and handles your work for you so you can focus on things that matter, like focusing on branding and marketing and building relationships and sales and content creation. So there's no more wasting time on tasks that you know could be automated because that's exactly what Zapier was built to do. So just go to
14:05 Lewis Howes? this special link, zapier.com/greatness. Connect the apps you use the most and let Zapier take it from there. Zapier lets you instantly engage with leads, send to your CRM or spreadsheet, and then notify your team so they can act fast on every opportunity coming from. And that's just scratching the surface. They have incredible customer support. They work with 1,500 business applications, so the possibilities are virtually endless. Over 4.5 million people are saving an average of 40 hours a month by using Zapier. I know, it's crazy. And right now through November, you can try Zapier for free by going to this
14:45 Lewis Howes? special link at zapier.com/greatness. That's C-A-P-I-E-R.com/greatness. Again, big thank you to our sponsors. And let's dive back into this interview with David Walton.
15:04 Lewis Howes? It was weird, man, because I didn't want to ever be taking advantage of anyone.
15:07 Speaker 01 Yeah.
15:07 Lewis Howes? Or be that guy. And so I would just be like, no, if you're drinking, I'm not gonna do anything.
15:12 Speaker 01 Wow, good for you.
15:13 Lewis Howes? Yeah.
15:13 Speaker 01 And then, but now it's carried on. You're 36.
15:16 Lewis Howes? 36.
15:17 Speaker 01 And the Baileys. But that first Baileys you had, was that a weird experience? Or was it like, just like, whatever?
15:24 Lewis Howes? Well, my sisters gave it to me in hot chocolate, so I didn't really taste it.
15:28 Speaker 01 Oh.
15:28 Lewis Howes? She's like, oh, it's like sweet.
15:29 Speaker 01 Did they sneak it in, like you didn't know?
15:31 Lewis Howes? They, they had some, and I drank some of it. And I was like, that's really good. And they were like, yeah, it's Baileys inside of it. I was like, oh, okay, maybe I'll have one, you know? But, um, but I just never decided to do it.
15:42 Speaker 01 Yeah.
15:42 Lewis Howes? I've never had, I've never had beer. I think I had one sip of wine.
15:45 Speaker 01 Yeah.
15:46 Lewis Howes? It tasted really bad to me. So.
15:48 Speaker 01 Well, it's a really, you know, I, I, this isn't a scientific method, but a lot of the people who I, I inspire me and are doing really kind of prolific work and deep work, certainly in entertainment, a lot of them are sober.
16:03 Lewis Howes? Really?
16:03 Speaker 01 Yeah.
16:04 Lewis Howes? Who were the most inspiring?
16:05 Speaker 01 Like Dax, you know, Dax Shepard.
16:07 Lewis Howes? He doesn't drink?
16:08 Speaker 01 No, well, he's, uh, yeah, he was in AA, so he's like, you know, he had.
16:12 Lewis Howes? He wasn't a alcoholic?
16:13 Speaker 01 He was. And even people like Howard Stern to me, like, you know, you would think, and he just doesn't touch anything and.
16:21 Lewis Howes? No drugs, no alcohol?
16:22 Speaker 01 No, yeah. I mean, I think maybe he drinks a little bit, like the tiniest bit. And as you get older, like you can, I can, I've taken long stretches without it and the amount of productivity. And my, my wife is into this hashtag called Sober Curious, which is gaining steam because there's such a pervasive culture of drinking. I was just shooting a movie in Chicago for a month called Later Days and, and, I mean, cities like Boston and Chicago, it's just like, it's, it's just paired with everything.
16:50 Lewis Howes? There's bars everywhere, pubs, drinking everywhere, after work, you always go for a drink.
16:55 Speaker 01 Yeah, and it, and it, I think a lot of people are starting to question that culture and why it's there and how much good it's actually doing. And our, so that Sober Curious movement is, is kind of fascinating because, um, so she's work, doing that and I, but I have this kind of. My relationship to alcohol is strange because I know the physical ramifications and the willpower after a night of drinking. You know, if you have a great diet going or whatever and you're being great, it derails you in such a profound way.
17:28 Lewis Howes? You drink, you're gonna start eating bad.
17:29 Speaker 01 The next morning, you're like, who cares? And I'm just gonna rip like, you know.
17:33 Lewis Howes? Five pizzas.
17:34 Speaker 01 Yeah.
17:36 Speaker 01 But at the same time, its ability to bring people together or to have bonding experiences.
17:42 Lewis Howes? Truthful experiences.
17:43 Speaker 01 It truthful and ghetto and and and it kind of silence a lot of things you're fascinated with, which are guilt and unworthiness and and shame and all these things like. There's theories that alcohol, it doesn't make you a different person. It's just if you have all those things coexisting. Like if on your highest level, you are all love and gratitude and sharing, but you have feelings of unworthiness as well, like we all do. The alcohol just mutes that voice.
18:15 Lewis Howes? The unworthy voice.
18:16 Speaker 01 The unworthy voice temporarily so that the way you behave is actually.
18:21 Lewis Howes? Pure love.
18:22 Speaker 01 It's more loving and you see great, you know, I I have friends who are kind of like, they're kind of like tough, angry guys and they drink and it's like, it's like.
18:31 Lewis Howes? They're hugging you at 12 second hugs all day.
18:33 Speaker 01 And it's not annoying, you know, it's like, oh, it's like, and a lot of people would say like, God, I feel more like myself when I'm drinking. And I that's that's across the board. A lot of people feel that way.
18:42 Lewis Howes? So that's why they continue to drink more and more probably.
18:44 Speaker 01 Yeah, and I think like anything, the more, you know, the the edges, extremes are where we run into problems. And if you can find a little middle ground, it can be okay. So it's like, and I I know a drug counselor who would say it's not that anything is bad or good. It's just your it your relationship to it.
19:01 Lewis Howes? Why do you think people feel more of who they are when they're drinking? And why do you think people can't feel that way? When they're living normal life without it.
19:10 Speaker 01 Well, uh, my very rudimentary theory is uh kind of based on this wonderful book called Power Versus Force by Dr. Hawkins, which was like a pretty big book in the seventies. But it's basically like, it's kind of what I just said, it's you're born with all of these layers of consciousness and like the most sort of, the most destructive, he would argue Hawkins is like shame, guilt and, and that, the big unworthiness.
19:38 Lewis Howes? Yes.
19:39 Speaker 01 And we all kind of are born with that in some level, different levels of it. And no one really knows why. You just see a little kid and you can see a heaviness or a cloud.
19:50 Lewis Howes? Yeah.
19:51 Speaker 01 And so, but we also within us have, you know, that super high level stuff, the stuff that every great, you know, religion ultimately is about, which is that oneness and love and connection. And I think everyone has it inside them at all times. And what we do during our day, what we decide, our intention, all those things can elevate us to a certain extent, but that doesn't mean that stuff isn't down there still. And to me, certain uh substances can mute that. And so people identify themselves with that love.
20:29 Lewis Howes? Mm-hmm.
20:30 Speaker 01 But with alcohol, they're just not feeling that stuff. So they're like, oh, I feel like more, it's more like me, cause all, I kind of, my problem's when I'm not worrying, you know, and I'm not doubting.
20:39 Lewis Howes? Do you feel like a lot of actors feel insecure and unworthy most of the time?
20:45 Speaker 01 Yeah, I mean, it's a hard one. I, yeah.
20:47 Lewis Howes? And you have a lot of actor friends, right?
20:49 Speaker 01 Yeah. And I think on a certain level, we all want to be loved and feel important and seen like everyone. And there's a sense of, you know, when you're seventeen and you want to be an actor, generally it's going to be about, is this going to help me get laid?
21:06 Lewis Howes? Right.
21:06 Speaker 01 If you're like on some level, is this going to help me be attractive?
21:09 Lewis Howes? Yeah.
21:10 Speaker 01 Like most musicians, I mean.
21:11 Lewis Howes? Yeah.
21:12 Speaker 01 There's obviously exceptions, but it's kind of like, you know, those poor teenagers, everyone's ruled by that. Everyone's ruled by it. It's like the most powerful force on earth, that sexuality stuff. So all the stuff that you're doing, I love being able to talk about.
21:26 Lewis Howes? Yeah.
21:27 Speaker 01 I don't know, things that are. To kind of expand the dialogue and honor the fact that wanting to have sex is so deeply ingrained and powerful.
21:37 Lewis Howes? In our biology and our psyche and everything.
21:40 Speaker 01 God, you know, if anything, it's the most. And so to write off that there's something shameful about that is not good. It's just more like, are you in control of your [BLEEP]? And, and, because everyone's raging. I mean, go to a, watch a movie set, watch a movie set and go for a month of like a shoot. And then have the wrap party and watch all the like built in sexual tension like kind of explode.
22:12 Lewis Howes? Really?
22:13 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah, like any, you know, it's like there's movies about, like any business is like that, right? Like the corporate office party. It's like, and alcohol, unfortunately, you know, the judgment kind of goes and people make mistakes. So it's, it's, it's a dangerous world out there. But what's the root of it, in my opinion, is the fact that everyone is a sexual creature and it's on their mind whether they want to or not, you know? It's just like, you just feel it instinctually, you know, like.
22:42 Lewis Howes? Does that happen a lot of, how many movie sets have you been on? Because you do mostly TV, right? Have you done?
22:46 Speaker 01 Yeah, I've been on a bunch of movie sets though, too. It's the same with TV. I mean, it's not that people are going around being sexual all day. I'm just saying that I would like people to honor the fact that it's there, you know? And that it's obviously a really tough world right now to navigate for everybody. And some of the dialogue I see happening seems a little black and white to me. And I just.
23:12 Lewis Howes? What's, which dialogue?
23:14 Speaker 01 Just all, just the, the dialogue about the giant gray area of, of interaction of, you know? One of the things, I've talked to a lot of women and they'll say something like the days of like complimenting a sweater or something, they're kind of like over it. Like they don't want those compliments about certain articles.
23:35 Lewis Howes? Sweater, yeah.
23:36 Speaker 01 Yeah, like, oh, I love your sweater. Like even that can be a problem now for, for women because it feels like it's coming from a, maybe a sexual place or a, oh, let me, whatever. But a lot of the girls I've talked to are very open. It's like if the guy is attractive, if the guy is like someone you're attracted to, then it's okay. But if it's like someone who's not attractive, then you don't like it, right?
23:58 Lewis Howes? How do you know if they're attracted to you or not?
24:00 Speaker 01 A lot of guys are trying to say, hey, I'm a great guy, like I'm a catch. So how am I supposed to know that you think I'm creepy when I'm not? You know, and I think to me, I'm like looking, I'm like.
24:11 Lewis Howes? You're looking at the girls.
24:12 Speaker 01 I'm looking at the girls.
24:13 Lewis Howes? They're like yes or no.
24:14 Speaker 01 I'm like terrified right now. But no, I think that's an example of a gray area that just doesn't get talked about.
24:22 Lewis Howes? It's tough.
24:23 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's tough for, look, guys have had it good in so many ways. Right now, everyone's pretty darn lost. And if you talk openly and truthfully about it, most likely it's gonna be reactive and eviscerated. And you saw it, so everyone's quieting until some energy shifts where they can have a real better dialogue about it. But anyway, that's, that's some of my thoughts on it.
24:51 Lewis Howes? Do you have, do you have any male actor friends that have gone through some challenging times? That have come to you for wisdom and advice and?
24:58 Speaker 01 No, no one, no one comes to me for wisdom and advice, no. No, I, I'm trying to think if anyone's really been in trouble. No, I just, in the beginning of the wonderful Me Too movement, where, you know, women are finally getting what they deserve in a lot of ways. I mean, and there's still tons of stuff to be done. But someone pointing out a gray area, kind of like on Twitter, or whether it's Matt Damon or something like that, just getting eviscerated. And, and I think by, by definition, there's gonna be no nuanced discussion of, of gray areas on Twitter.
25:32 Lewis Howes? Right, right, right. People just take away from it.
25:35 Speaker 01 Those are the headlines. And, and so, yeah, I mean, long form stuff like this is a way of doing it. And I think it's really powerful. And I don't know, I just want everyone to kind of forgive each other more.
25:46 Lewis Howes? Wouldn't it be amazing?
25:47 Speaker 01 It would be really great.
25:48 Lewis Howes? Why do you think we hold on to so much anger or frustration for so long about anything? Not just Me Too stuff, but anything in general? Why do you think we hold on to these things for so long?
26:00 Speaker 01 That's a great question. I really don't know. I mean, if I could take a stab at it, that anger is actually pretty... It can feel really good to be angry, especially if you're sad or, you know, have any of the lower things.
26:13 Lewis Howes? Yeah.
26:14 Speaker 01 Anger is actually pretty powerful, like in sports, for example. If you're scared on like a big match point, there's mental coaches who'll say, "Just work yourself, find something to be angry, because that's gonna be a more powerful state than fear."
26:27 Lewis Howes? Yes.
26:28 Speaker 01 So, I don't know. That's a stab at that deep philosophical question.
26:33 Lewis Howes? Do you feel like you're an angry person? Or have you had anger throughout the last 15 years of acting?
26:39 Speaker 01 Yeah, no, I'm not really angry around... I have a lot of anger in my personal life. I don't know where it comes from. My dad had a big temper. It's scary at times, and kids, I don't know.
26:53 Lewis Howes? You can't control your kids.
26:54 Speaker 01 You can't, and they can trigger you in the deepest ways.
26:57 Lewis Howes? And they know how to manipulate you, probably, right?
26:59 Speaker 01 They start getting there, but even when, before they're in that stage, they're triggering whatever your issues are with yourself or how you were raised. And generally, like, my son, who is a boy, if he does something that reminds me of maybe something that I don't like about myself... Let's say, an example, like, you know, a culture where being a guy and being scared isn't really allowed, and then you see your son being scared. It's cute for a bit, but then at a certain age, you know, it starts to trigger me, like, "Hey, man, like, get it together."
27:36 Lewis Howes? How old is your son?
27:37 Speaker 01 He's five, you know what I mean? And I'm like, "You can't be... I'm not gonna escort you upstairs. There's nothing upstairs. You gotta be brave." And I try to be...
27:45 Lewis Howes? I've gone under the covers the whole time. I've gone under the bed. I've shown you there's no monsters.
27:49 Speaker 01 Yeah.
27:50 Lewis Howes? When are you gonna grow up?
27:51 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but I find anger to be very confusing. You know, obviously, relationships spark it, and kids can.
28:01 Speaker 01 A lot of the yogic principles, it's just like it's primal anger that you know it's born with. You can see a two-year-old rage like nothing else. It's not, I don't think anger is shameful. I don't think it's something, I think it should be embraced and loved in that sort of spirit of, how do I take this innate part of me and make it non-destructive? And that can be through CrossFit and kickboxing or whatever.
28:27 Lewis Howes? Meditation yoga.
28:28 Speaker 01 Meditation yoga, but sometimes that's hard too because you can think you've released it, but anger is a tricky.
28:35 Lewis Howes? Suppressed it or something.
28:36 Speaker 01 Yeah, it's got a ton of energy and anger is incredibly powerful.
28:39 Lewis Howes? And it can come back in a moment and trigger you.
28:42 Speaker 01 Oh, man. And so you, you know, I think you've mentioned you have some anger. You know, I think all, we all do.
28:48 Lewis Howes? I think I've, I think I had a lot of anger and sports allowed me to release it in a very safe environment.
28:54 Speaker 01 Yeah.
28:55 Lewis Howes? To where I didn't have it. Cause I could get it out in this container of two, three hours and let any of my emotions out. You know, just headbutt people all day and then I was fine. And then I was exhausted of all my energy and I was just like, oh, I could sleep peacefully.
29:10 Speaker 01 And do you still get triggered or are you, are you kind of?
29:14 Lewis Howes? I get triggered all the time. The thing is I'm so aware of it now. So aware of it that I'm like, okay, it's kind of like I recognize the two wolves inside of me, the good wolf and the bad wolf.
29:25 Speaker 01 I love that old metaphor.
29:26 Lewis Howes? And I'm like, okay, which one wants to win right now? Which one am I gonna feed? Sometimes I feed the, the bad wolf and it comes out. And but most of the time I'm feeding the good wolf because I'm consciously like, okay, this is triggering me. Why is this triggering me? Why don't I want to punch someone in the face right now or go through a wall?
29:44 Speaker 01 Yeah.
29:44 Lewis Howes? Sometimes I feel like I could take down a building. I literally feel like I could run through this building.
29:48 Speaker 01 Yeah.
29:49 Lewis Howes? And the whole thing would crumble.
29:50 Speaker 01 Yeah.
29:51 Lewis Howes? I know I would die before that would happen, but I feel like in my mind, I feel like that's possible sometimes with that much power.
29:57 Speaker 01 Thinking of that, that much energy, I mean.
29:59 Lewis Howes? That much energy, but I, I'm so conscious and aware of it that I, that I just practice the right things. And I make sure, you know, I was having a, a challenging conversation with my girlfriend last night. We have a long-distance relationship. She's Latina, which you are familiar with. Your wife's Latina.
30:16 Speaker 01 Yeah, from Venezuela.
30:17 Lewis Howes? And.
30:19 Lewis Howes? So there's a, there's a language difference. She's probably seventy percent in, speaking English fluent.
30:26 Speaker 01 Okay.
30:26 Lewis Howes? So there's sometimes some misinterpretations.
30:28 Speaker 01 Sure.
30:29 Lewis Howes? Of like nuances. There's a cultural difference. There's just human being differences with different people. And I remember I was like getting triggered by something she was saying and I was like, I could react and I could get loud and do those things or I can. And in that moment, I just started to smile. I started to smile at her. I was like, okay. I started myself getting like clenched and defensive and being like, she doesn't understand me. She doesn't get me right now. Like there's, there's a misunderstanding of our culture, our language. Let me just smile. Let me just smile and keep smiling and she kept like speaking, she kept saying stuff.
31:04 Speaker 01 Is this on the FaceTime?
31:05 Lewis Howes? On FaceTime.
31:05 Speaker 01 Okay.
31:06 Lewis Howes? So I just kept, I was just like. I was like smiling, smiling and she goes, why are you smiling? I go, I just love you. I just love you so much. And then she started smiling and then we started laughing and then it's like it became calmer and calmer and relaxed.
31:18 Speaker 01 And would you ever tell her though that that, that something had been triggered?
31:22 Lewis Howes? Probably, yeah, yeah. I think I told her later in the conversation.
31:26 Speaker 01 Yeah, cuz that's.
31:26 Lewis Howes? I was like, this is the way it makes me feel. This is how, what I'm experiencing.
31:30 Speaker 01 Right. So that to me is the biggest thing is, cuz if you just smile and say, I love you and then never have that conversation. Now you've buried something.
31:37 Lewis Howes? You've buried it. Yeah. So you've got to stay with what's on your mind.
31:39 Speaker 01 Yeah. And that's something that I, we all struggle with.
31:42 Lewis Howes? Yeah.
31:43 Speaker 01 Like there's that old thing, you know, choose your battles when you get married and it's like.
31:47 Lewis Howes? Is that what you do?
31:48 Speaker 01 I did and I'm like going more and I'm sorry sweetheart if you're listening, but I'm, I'm gonna choose all the battles. Cuz I actually think the battles are, I, I'm, I'm beginning to, and actually Jordan Peterson kind of got me on this train was like, the festering of an unchosen battle, you know, is legit. And I think, um.
32:09 Lewis Howes? It's like a bomb coming out in a bigger battle.
32:12 Speaker 01 And, and, and the tricky thing is what, how to choose the battle in a responsible, non-destructive way.
32:18 Lewis Howes? In a loving way.
32:19 Speaker 01 Yes. And I think that's the hardest thing to do. Cuz you get angry and you wanna hurt and you wanna, and you wanna win. And at least I do. And I think a lot of people. And so it's like, do I sit on this? And then go to sleep and then wake up and then talk about it tomorrow when I can actually speak calmly? What is the level of real mental power? That you have and you clearly have worked on it a great deal. You have that, but I have a ton of respect for people who, you know, or empathy for people who don't. And, and it's like, you know, you fly off the handle and then it's like, damn, and then there's shrapnel everywhere, you know?
32:59 Lewis Howes? The challenge is when we fly off the handle, it takes us off of our mission. It takes us off of a life of purpose and a life of actually impacting. People or our dreams or whether it's your acting career or something, it takes us off the thing that we want to be doing. And put our attention towards anger or the triggers or where we're being hurt.
33:19 Speaker 01 Yeah.
33:19 Lewis Howes? That's what I found because I've been really good at winning battles. In past relationships and friendships and intimate relationships. And then I feel like crap for days afterwards. And my energy goes towards feeling like crap as opposed to putting it towards something productive.
33:36 Speaker 01 Sure.
33:36 Lewis Howes? Opposed to being positive or being a service towards other people or what I want to work towards. So I think that we've got, I've learned the hard way many, many times over and over, but that doesn't work. And I'm still trying to figure out the balance of how do I be honest and share how I'm feeling? Without it being destructive, like you said, and I think that is the ultimate test for so many of us.
33:55 Speaker 01 Oh, man, it's a huge, huge.
33:57 Lewis Howes? Especially probably with kids and being married and.
34:01 Speaker 01 Oh, there's and, you know, lack of sleep or whatever the amount of environmental forces there was, I had. This is kind of comical at this point, but. There's so many kind of healers in Los Angeles, part of the reason I like, and there's some frauds, but there's a lot of super legit people here. And I went to this woman and I'll think of the name of the actual practice. Greenberg is, I believe, the name of it, but basically it's like, it's like energy moving through breath. But having been dealing with anger and not wanting it to be destructive. I was turning to this tool that a friend had recommended. And really it's like, if when you're feeling it. She's like, really pay attention to where it is, like in your gut and then.
34:44 Speaker 01 Just like you just like pretend you're pushing against the bill like you're trying to brink open a building and you just go, go, go, go, go, go until you can't and you're holding your breath and you're clenching and you're creating as much tension. And then you just take like and you just go, go, and you let it all out. You let all that tension go. And then you rethink about your problem again. And there was pretty profound.
35:10 Lewis Howes? Wow.
35:10 Speaker 01 But it's really like, there's a physical thing that has to be released.
35:16 Lewis Howes? Release it.
35:16 Speaker 01 Anger. And it's like I've air punched, you know, like even with a kid, like a kid like doing something, I'm like, and instead of like showing them, I'll walk around to the living room and it's like.
35:30 Lewis Howes? Really?
35:31 Speaker 01 Oh, just because I'm like trying to not, you know, become destructive. Yeah. But I hope that's more normal to people. I'm not like the Incredible Hulk or anything. It's just like. Hey, most people I talk to where it's just angry. Just angry.
35:52 Lewis Howes? It's hard to be at peace 24/7.
35:55 Speaker 01 It's impossible. I mean, it's, you know, maybe, you know, the Buddha, who else? Maybe Jesus? I don't know.
36:02 Lewis Howes? So you're, you're focusing on the where the tension and the anger, resentment, frustration is, it's either stomach, your chest, your throat, your head, wherever it is. And then you're putting your energy and your attention squeezing it.
36:13 Speaker 01 You're making it worse. So you try to like.
36:15 Lewis Howes? Intensify.
36:16 Speaker 01 Intensify it and get it. Hold your breath.
36:19 Lewis Howes? Until you're tired.
36:20 Speaker 01 Until you're like can't and you push it and then you, and then you just all your thing to let it go and start breathing like crazy. Huge breaths in, just like releasing it all. Look, sometimes it doesn't work. It did when I was working with her, it was working a lot better. I've tried it a couple times.
36:36 Lewis Howes? It's not working.
36:36 Speaker 01 It's starting to fade.
36:37 Lewis Howes? Now you're air punching the world.
36:39 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now I need a new. No, I mean, I don't know. I think. Yeah, I think anger is a big old mystery. Where it, you know, where it comes from and. I don't.
36:51 Lewis Howes? It's useful and it's destructive at the same time.
36:53 Speaker 01 Like anything, yeah, it's not good or bad, it just is, so.
36:56 Lewis Howes? What has been the, uh, the journey for you as an actor? You've been 15 years now acting, is that right, or more?
37:02 Speaker 01 Yeah, I think my first professional job is 2003, so 16 years.
37:05 Lewis Howes? 16 years?
37:06 Speaker 01 Yeah.
37:06 Lewis Howes? And what was that big break?
37:09 Speaker 01 I was selling knives in New York.
37:11 Lewis Howes? Cutco knives?
37:12 Speaker 01 Cutco knives and, um, I was doing this very off, off, off Broadway play that a Fox executive came and saw, cause there was like, you know, some legit actors in it. And, uh, that got me a general meeting with Marsha Schulman, who was visiting New York for the upfronts, and I went in and sold her a studio set of knives. I was a very.
37:32 Lewis Howes? Wait, the Fox executive?
37:34 Speaker 01 I came and I was like, I'd never, this is my first general meeting with anybody in the industry and I.
37:39 Lewis Howes? You had a box of knives with you?
37:40 Speaker 01 I, no, I had, I had an order form in my book bag, cause I just was rolling, you know, I actually had them all. Yeah, yeah.
37:46 Lewis Howes? You had your knives with you?
37:47 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah.
37:48 Lewis Howes? Just take it to this acting meet, intro meeting?
37:50 Speaker 01 Yeah, cause I think I had a knife appointment after that or something. And so I was just like, what are, she's like, what are you up to? I'm like, I'm selling knives, I don't know if you asked me and I. And she bought a studio set, which is a great set, it's four knives, it's the spatula spreader, the petite carver. The super shears of course.
38:07 Lewis Howes? How much is that?
38:08 Speaker 01 At least like 180 bucks.
38:10 Lewis Howes? Oh, that's not much.
38:10 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, well.
38:11 Lewis Howes? So you pitched it to her, you did a demo?
38:12 Speaker 01 This is 2003, you know.
38:14 Lewis Howes? You did the demo?
38:16 Speaker 01 Yeah, I don't think I cut the penny or the rope, but I did, you know, I, I went for it and she was tickled pink. And so she not only bought the knives, she gave me what's called a holding deal, which is, um, pretty nuts, it's basically, they just pay you so that you don't go to another network.
38:30 Lewis Howes? Shut up, so you don't go and act anywhere?
38:32 Speaker 01 Yeah, I got paid $75,000 to just be owned by Fox for six months.
38:39 Lewis Howes? What?
38:40 Speaker 01 It was crazy and I had been, I was ma, you know, I was.
38:42 Lewis Howes? You were making a hundred bucks a month?
38:44 Speaker 01 Things were about to get very interesting in about a month with money running out. So it was like a, I celebrated, I screamed, it was just amazing and then.
38:51 Lewis Howes? On, in that meeting, she was like, I want to give you a deal, here's.
38:53 Speaker 01 Oh, I left and my agent goes, that, that meeting went well, they're offering you a holding deal.
38:58 Lewis Howes? Just like that, they're like an hour?
39:00 Speaker 01 Yeah. And then it was absurd because I got flown out to LA, put in a town car, put up at the hotel that I can see from here, right by the Fox lot, and driven around to auditions by a driver.
39:14 Lewis Howes? Shut up. How old were you?
39:15 Speaker 01 I was 23. And I was like, that was easy. That's like six months in New York. And then, like an idiot, all went to my head. Well, I was just like, that was so easy. The show got canceled. I got the show called Cracking Up, which was with Jason Schwartzman, Molly Shannon, Chris McDonald. Mike White wrote it, who's a big writer. Anyway, that got canceled. And I was like, oh, well, what's the next one gonna come on?
39:44 Lewis Howes? Something else will come along, yeah.
39:45 Speaker 01 I'll just roll into these auditions, won't really prepare. I'm sure they'll get it, you know?
39:49 Lewis Howes? Really?
39:49 Speaker 01 Yeah, really kind of like lazy, non-respecting how competitive and hard it was because I really, it wasn't hard to get my break in a lot of ways, so.
40:00 Lewis Howes? Isn't it almost that's the mentality you need to go in with, though? It's like, I don't need this, I don't want this, and almost give it to you for free? It's kind of like a swingers type of?
40:08 Speaker 01 Yeah, like, yeah.
40:09 Lewis Howes? It's like if you act like you don't need this, like it's your life depends on it, then you're not needing, bringing that needy attention and energy, and they're gonna give it to someone who's actually more relaxed and more?
40:19 Speaker 01 That's such a tricky part of the business, because it's like the effort you put in, it doesn't pop out. It's like, it's this weird energetic soup where you, like, confidence and mental health and like belief, but, you know, if you work too hard on something, it can get stale. So there's this weird little mystery about rolling in and booking something. I mean, you want to be prepared and you want to, everyone should be working hard on their craft. Yeah.
40:48 Lewis Howes? Did you, so did you start booking more stuff and on these auditions?
40:51 Speaker 01 Oh, I didn't work for like a year and a half. And I was like, all the money I made was gone. All of a sudden, my apartment in LA started having more roommates, and I was like, you know?
41:01 Lewis Howes? Paying for rent, yeah.
41:01 Speaker 01 Yeah, because I was like, and then... Actually, I was about to leave the business. I had a girlfriend at the time who was not into the life. And I was like interviewing to become a banker.
41:12 Lewis Howes? Shut up.
41:13 Speaker 01 I was beginning to set up because that's sort of the world I came from. And I was like, here's a stable income.
41:19 Lewis Howes? You went to Brown, you did like?
41:20 Speaker 01 Yeah, I could get a job at like JP Morgan probably if I wanted to.
41:24 Lewis Howes? So you're 25.
41:25 Speaker 01 Yeah, and then.
41:26 Lewis Howes? You would go a year and a half, I'm not booking anything.
41:29 Speaker 01 Yeah, and I went, I moved to New York. I kind of like, I was like, I'm done.
41:33 Lewis Howes? Really?
41:33 Speaker 01 And as I moved to New York, I went into another audition for these Cullen Brothers, who were actually I'd done a pilot with. But I like, I just, I was supposed to be playing a thief, like a cool thief. And like, for whatever reason, I just rolled up in like an overfitted suit. Like, it was a terrible choice. And I just did it really weird and they were like.
41:55 Lewis Howes? You're perfect for this.
41:56 Speaker 01 They were like, you're in. And I was like, what? And then that became a series. And it was like, it was like right when you're going, leaving, it got. And that kind of built this relationship with NBC that kind of went for many years.
42:08 Lewis Howes? Wow, so you did a bunch of shows with NBC?
42:10 Speaker 01 A lot, yeah, I did like six series for them.
42:12 Lewis Howes? Wow, I remember I had a conversation with, um, Max Greenfield. Do you know Max? Well, he was.
42:17 Speaker 01 He's a good buddy of mine.
42:19 Lewis Howes? On the new.
42:19 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
42:20 Lewis Howes? He was in the show with you. New Girl, and.
42:22 Speaker 01 The New Girl, I love that.
42:24 Lewis Howes? New Girl, right?
42:24 Speaker 01 Yeah, New Girl, dude.
42:26 Lewis Howes? We were, we did CrossFit together. I would see him at the gym every, every day.
42:30 Speaker 01 Oh, he's a CrossFit nut.
42:32 Lewis Howes? Machine. And so, one day, and I would kind of compete with him. I knew he was a little competitive, so I'd be in the rower, go, let's go back, you know, I'd be competing. And he was like, who's this guy?
42:39 Speaker 01 The Urg.
42:40 Lewis Howes? And then, um, one day I was just at Earth Bar, right near the CrossFit place. And I started talking to him. I go, hey, I got some questions for you. You got a few minutes? And he goes, yeah, sure. We talked for about 30 minutes. And I was like, tell me about your journey of being an actor. Was it, were you always like this big star and like have these hit shows? And he goes, I've been out here for 10 years.
42:59 Speaker 01 Yeah.
43:00 Lewis Howes? Freaking struggling.
43:01 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
43:01 Lewis Howes? And not booking a thing.
43:04 Speaker 01 Yeah.
43:04 Lewis Howes? And every time I was gonna leave, something would pull me back in. Like, I'd get something small, that'd be paying me enough for the next two months, three months. And then I'd wait for six months and I'd get something small. And he's like, it took me 10 years to get like a role that actually paid me something.
43:20 Speaker 01 Yeah, he had a journey. He had a real grinder. I mean, and it's, he deserves everything.
43:25 Lewis Howes? He's talented.
43:26 Speaker 01 Oh, he's so talented and funny.
43:28 Lewis Howes? How long were you on this show, that, on New Girl for?
43:30 Speaker 01 I was, I came in season two as like a love interest. And then I got About a Boy, so I, that lasted two years. And then when About a Boy ended, they decided to bring my character back as to be like the final love for Zoe, like, and Jake Johnson's character, Nick, like, end up together. So I was sort of like, I would, you know, look, it's not official, but I would say I was like, of all of Zoe's love interests, I was, I was the deepest and closest
44:00 Lewis Howes? Sure.
44:00 Speaker 01 to, to really working.
44:02 Lewis Howes? That show did amazing. What was it, six seasons, seven?
44:04 Speaker 01 Seven, I think officially, and it lives on Netflix. And it's just, it's pretty extraordinary what that streaming is doing because it, like The Office and Friends being the most popular comedies on Netflix.
44:17 Lewis Howes? Crazy.
44:18 Speaker 01 Right? So, so
44:19 Lewis Howes? Still.
44:19 Speaker 01 So New Girl, I don't, I don't know the numbers, but my sense is from being out in the world and being recognized, that, that New Girl has tons of sort of cult followers who are always
44:30 Lewis Howes? And you recognize the most from that or from?
44:32 Speaker 01 Yeah, yeah. I get About a Boy, or Bad Moms, or, um, So Fired Up is a cult classic people love, uh, and then some, always some weird ones, like, you know, just out of nowhere, you're like, damn, man. Perfect Couples was a series I did that has a lot of fans and then, um, Burlesque, I was Stanley Tucci's lover in that, so sometimes I get recognized.
44:57 Lewis Howes? What's the best part about the acting business for you and what's the worst part?
45:01 Speaker 01 Oh, that's a good question. I think the best part is, um, not knowing where you're ever gonna be and that there's this kind of infinite possibility at all times in your life, that you can all of a sudden be attached to some project in a new city, you know? We got a call, my wife and I, for example, like, in late August, and it was like, do you want to do this movie in Chicago? And within 10 days, I had moved my family there, we were staying in this great house and exploring a new city with my kids and my wife in the same movie, and it was, I love that feeling of adventure and the fact that you can, that freedom we were talking about earlier, soaring, but the fact that it's achievable in a marriage is really amazing to me. And then, um,
45:44 Speaker 01 I think what I don't like is sort of tied to that is that you don't ever know where it works coming and and uh and also just the amount of waiting around time you do.
45:54 Lewis Howes? It's so much waiting, right? You get you get this excitement, we're gonna launch this series and then you're waiting, what, three, six months until you start filming and then
46:01 Speaker 01 Yeah. Yeah.
46:03 Lewis Howes? And then you're on set all day for like one scene.
46:05 Speaker 01 Yeah, and it's just a lot of just twiddling thumbs and so it's really paramount to have, if you're around fun with good people, then you're hanging. But I've yet, it's hard to be productive, you know, I've stirring other pots, so. I'd love to like just shadow Cruise one day, like on set, like to see how, or like one of these, or The Rock, or someone who's like acting, but like you know.
46:27 Lewis Howes? Building an empire on the side.
46:29 Speaker 01 Yeah, you know his downtime, his operating, and I'm sure he's got a bevy as assistants and stuff, but like. Cause I love, I love that feeling of moving missions and projects forward and on set, you kind of, you get derailed really easily.
46:45 Lewis Howes? You gotta focus on the craft in that moment.
46:46 Speaker 01 Yeah, and then, but then like, it's like, alright, for ten minutes, actually it's an hour, so it's like, you were, you were ready and then now you're, you have to stay ready for another hour and now you're doing, what are you doing to do that? You're probably just eating peanut M and M.
46:58 Lewis Howes? Right, right.
46:59 Speaker 01 So, yeah.
47:00 Lewis Howes? Who are the most inspiring actors in your mind, for you?
47:04 Speaker 01 Inspiring?
47:05 Lewis Howes? Where you're like, man, these people are just.
47:07 Speaker 01 I, I actually, I'm gonna say it's Tom Cruise, man. Like, I, I just find his energy and zest and I note, like, perfect example, I'm sure he doesn't touch alcohol.
47:20 Lewis Howes? Really?
47:21 Speaker 01 Yeah, like, oh, it's just, he's like, he's just operating, he just seems clear in a way, not to sign, I'm a Scientologist in any way. And I really don't know anything about it, but I use clear for non Scientologists, it's like, people that don't have a ton of baggage.
47:36 Lewis Howes? Clear is a Scientology term of like, getting clear.
47:38 Speaker 01 Yeah, but I don't want them to own that term, cause I think it's a great.
47:41 Lewis Howes? Clear mind.
47:42 Speaker 01 Yeah, and you're clear and you're, and like you are, you're presenting who you are, you're present with people, you're respectful of people, you're not operating from a place of ego, you're operating from a place of, isn't this plague? Ground world insane and I get to play in it and Tom Cruise is playing in it on such a high level.
48:00 Lewis Howes? He's a master of that.
48:01 Speaker 01 Literally like flying fighter jets and like
48:05 Lewis Howes? Helicopters.
48:05 Speaker 01 Jerking out of airplanes, making huge spectacle movies that delight worldwide audiences. And then for stuff that I don't like, which is like the publicity stuff, which this is wonderful. But like doing a three minute clip on today's show is just like all stress, no substance kind of thing.
48:22 Lewis Howes? Yeah.
48:22 Speaker 01 Just being charming, you know, for three minutes. He does that like a, he just crushes it. And so, yeah.
48:28 Lewis Howes? The three minute charm sessions, he's the master.
48:31 Speaker 01 Yeah. And I think at that level, they probably extend to 10 to 15 minutes. And now he's fun and the world is kind of like, he's just this relaxed little, you know, playground for him. So, yeah, he's, he's got an electricity that I find, I've never met him, but I really want to.
48:45 Lewis Howes? What would you ask him if you met him, if you had three questions to ask him?
48:49 Speaker 01 Ooh, Cruise questions?
48:54 Lewis Howes? Gosh, you could only ask him three.
48:56 Speaker 01 About that, I may have to send these in, yeah. I would ask him, I go, what do you think the number one way to get clear is?
49:05 Lewis Howes? He'd say, well, right down the street. Good facility, yeah. But how to get clear, okay.
49:11 Speaker 01 No, I would, yeah, um, I would say, how would you, how do you deal with your fear?
49:16 Lewis Howes? Do you think he has a lot of fears?
49:18 Speaker 01 I assume everyone does, and I assume that that's, I, I don't know, I don't know. And if he says he doesn't have fear anymore, I'd be like, okay.
49:31 Speaker 01 Yeah, I would want to know his, his morning routine, I think. And maybe, um, his type.
49:41 Lewis Howes? Okay.
49:43 Speaker 01 No, that's just off the top of my head.
49:45 Lewis Howes? Sure, sure. How do you, uh, how do you deal with your fear when you're going into?
49:50 Speaker 01 Ah, it's hard.
49:51 Lewis Howes? A gig, a conversation.
49:52 Speaker 01 Yeah, uh, I'm really aware of it, you know, and, um.
49:57 Lewis Howes? And what is the biggest fear?
50:01 Speaker 01 Being judged, being rejected, or being ju-- like having something I put out in the world judged and ridiculed.
50:09 Lewis Howes? But don't you do that all the time with acting?
50:10 Speaker 01 It's weird. It's not the same. Like, I've started writing stuff and you put it out there and you go, "Oh," like, it's this terrible feeling. Like, I've actually created that. Acting, you're interpreting words.
50:22 Lewis Howes? It's someone else's creation.
50:23 Speaker 01 Yeah.
50:24 Lewis Howes? That you're helping co-create.
50:26 Speaker 01 Yeah, and you kind of get a sense, like, "Look, I did it. I know I was somewhat real." So it's like now it's on them to, like, make it, you know, good. You know what I mean? It's like, "I'm doing the best I can with what I was given." And you can always blame it on someone else or whatever the writing or whatever. But when you create, like, if you create a business or something and it fails, like, that, yeah, it's a fear of... It's a huge thing and I'm, as that thing that, um, I think you say and even Jordan Peterson and Dax have all said, it's that thing of never comparing yourself to other people. It's comparing yourself to who you were yesterday. And I find that to be very powerful.
51:06 Speaker 01 And I'm proud of what I've done the last year because it's really overcoming my fear of putting... Getting vulnerable, putting myself out there to be rejected in other areas besides acting.
51:17 Lewis Howes? What do you think is on the other side of rejection and judgment?
51:21 Speaker 01 Probably freedom, once you get it all. You know, I think, I think, I learned early in acting, people fear ego death more than actual physical death. So, humiliation.
51:31 Lewis Howes? Really? People fear the ego death more than dying?
51:34 Speaker 01 That's, uh, there's been some studies and it's like, that's why public speaking makes people terrified and all those things. Like, getting up in front of people and taking risks or asking a dumb question in class, you know?
51:45 Lewis Howes? What advice would you give to actors or anyone who's putting themselves out there on a stage in life,
51:53 Lewis Howes? on how to overcome that? So it doesn't be the loudest voice in their head, but they can go through and kind of experience with more joy and...
52:02 Speaker 01 I think it's like anything, it's like just practicing doing it. So if it's, it's that, and I'm actually talking to myself because I have a deep fear of social media like I.
52:12 Lewis Howes? You're never on there.
52:12 Speaker 01 I, I.
52:13 Lewis Howes? Last post was like June or something.
52:15 Speaker 01 Makes me really uncomfortable.
52:17 Lewis Howes? We're gonna do a post today.
52:18 Speaker 01 Okay.
52:19 Lewis Howes? Together.
52:20 Speaker 01 Alright, and I'm like just got nervous. Yeah, I started scratching my rash. No, but yeah, I don't know what it is, man. I really.
52:29 Lewis Howes? But you're an actor. You put yourself out there all the time.
52:31 Speaker 01 But I'm behind a film of someone else's work. It's, it's, you're, and it's a professional controlled environment and I know that the raw like to you is, is, I think I'm inherently private and I just, I'm so scared of being judged and not liked in some way. That maybe that's why social media makes me so uncomfortable. Cause like, you know, someone can be like, what a, you know, dumb post or look at you.
52:57 Lewis Howes? I think everyone wants to be liked.
53:00 Speaker 01 Oh, yeah.
53:00 Lewis Howes? I think everyone doesn't want the world to hate them. I don't think that's anyone's default. It's like, I'm gonna do this so people don't like me. I mean, you might have something off if you think that way, but most people want others to like them. I want people to like me. I get hurt when people say something nasty about me. But I think I'm also willing to put it myself out there because I believe in my mission more than I care about a few people judging me or saying nasty things like, those things will hurt and it will suck. But I'm just like, but this matters so much more. And if I put my energy towards my mission and I let my ego step aside and I focus on the people that are really close to me, that I care about, who love me no matter what.
53:42 Lewis Howes? That's what helps me get through it. It still hurts me, it affects me, but it's like,
53:48 Lewis Howes? I feel like the mission of trying to be in service and help people is, is more important than. My feelings of a few people not liking me.
53:56 Speaker 01 Yeah, and when you say that, I immediately go, well, I think my mission isn't quite clear enough to to to overcome my resistance to those social outlets, you know.
54:06 Lewis Howes? Interesting.
54:07 Speaker 01 And that if if I really believed in something specific, because it can be whatever you want it to be, but I'm not gonna like just talk about the eggs I'm making and stuff.
54:17 Lewis Howes? I understand that.
54:17 Speaker 01 You know, I don't I don't have that instinct at all.
54:20 Lewis Howes? Sure.
54:20 Speaker 01 And I and I don't really like getting out of moments. I like.
54:24 Lewis Howes? Being present.
54:25 Speaker 01 Yeah, I I think like one of my favorite books is Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. And it's a it's a classic, but it's this idea of like God is in the fully present of anything you're doing. You can be washing a dish like almost like sacredly and there's and if you're doing it with quality with the intention of quality with a capital Q, that like somehow God lives there, that that's that's where the action is, the the purest form. There's a whole book about it. I don't know. It's a facet of it.
54:57 Lewis Howes? Yeah, yeah. There's a book called The Way of the Peaceful Warrior.
55:00 Speaker 01 Oh, that sounds good.
55:01 Lewis Howes? By Dan Millman, which is there's a movie out of it, too. I'm more of a movie guy. But a powerful example of a an athlete with a big ego, an All-American gymnast, who breaks his leg, gets injured and can't can't perform in his sport anymore for a year or something. And that's his whole dream. And he meets this
55:22 Lewis Howes? gas station attendant who he calls Socrates, who teaches him the lessons of being here and now. And this one activity you're working on, this moment, this washing of the floor is the thing. It's not the the dream of playing and being an All-American. It's the present moment is what really matters the most and finding the joy and the love in this moment.
55:47 Speaker 01 Yeah, and finding this idea of quality, like like.
55:51 Lewis Howes? The capital Q.
55:52 Speaker 01 Yeah, and it's this thing of like, you know, everything has a story and an energy based on like, and you buy a terrible T-shirt that was made in a factory with terrible things.
56:02 Lewis Howes? Right.
56:02 Speaker 01 It may look good, but it's gonna do something to you, you know? And it's because there's there's there's. No, no, I love your T-shirts.
56:10 Lewis Howes? These are made. Nikes are probably not in the best either.
56:12 Speaker 01 No, no, I mean, but that idea of that.
56:14 Lewis Howes? Yeah, of course.
56:16 Speaker 01 That's why things that are made with quality and love like can have a profound impact on people and in the things you do even like when I know I'm in the zone it's when I'm doing the dishes and I'm like feeling the water and I'm gonna you know I'm gonna say like oh look at this this dish I'm thinking about the story of the dish and then I'm like what's the best what's a quality way of like honoring this dish getting it and there's like this it's like this dream to make everything you do almost sacred in a way like and I think when you watch you know there's this great uh what's that the Netflix documentary about eating chef's table
56:55 Lewis Howes? Oh yeah
56:56 Speaker 01 And there's this amazing episode with a with a Korean monk who has a garden there and it's like everything she does is
57:04 Lewis Howes? I saw this one yeah
57:05 Speaker 01 Yeah it's so good and it's like the most simple ingredients and chef's like how on earth does it taste like this it's just rice
57:11 Lewis Howes? It's the love and the attention
57:13 Speaker 01 Yeah that's what I'm looking forward to I moved to Maine and I'm looking forward to that slowness and and cities have that energy and I think when you're just in a slow place you're able to kind of okay I can do the there's there's a four minute way of doing the dishes and then there's a 10 minute way that may teach me something you know and I don't know and we're just gonna experiment with it
57:34 Lewis Howes? Powerful man I love it living the Maine life uh I want to respect your time because I know you gotta catch a flight soon um I have a couple of final questions this one's called the three truths
57:43 Speaker 01 Okay
57:44 Lewis Howes? So imagine it's your last day on earth many years from now
57:47 Speaker 01 Okay
57:48 Lewis Howes? You get to live as old as you want to live can be 100 500 it can be as old as you want to be but at one point you gotta die and you gotta take all of your work with you so all of your creations all of your the acting videos the movies they've all gotta go with you so no one has access to your content your businesses the information you've put out in the world they don't have access anymore you've taken it with you to the next world and you get to leave behind three things you know to be true from your entire life and all of your experiences all the lessons you've learned that you would want to pass on to your kids and the world and you get three things to share what would be your three truths
58:33 Speaker 01 Nothing is as it seems
58:37 Speaker 01 Everyone is hurt
58:39 Lewis Howes? Everyone is hurt
58:40 Speaker 01 Yeah
58:43 Speaker 01 And don't, you know, don't be afraid to long hug.
58:50 Lewis Howes? I love that. Yeah, that's a good, I mean, there's probably more to that.
58:53 Speaker 01 No, love, you know, I think fearless love is extremely, extremely powerful.
59:00 Lewis Howes? Yeah.
59:02 Speaker 01 And, you know, I'll feel, I don't know, you get in moods, I'll get in closed off moods where I don't really want to be around people. I know what it feels like to walk down the street anywhere and just like feel a sense of brotherhood with every, every human.
59:17 Lewis Howes? Yes.
59:17 Speaker 01 I felt that, but I want it more because it's fleeting and it goes and so trying to churn, trying to figure out, you know, ways to kind of stay in that state, you know?
59:28 Lewis Howes? Yeah.
59:30 Speaker 01 But.
59:30 Lewis Howes? That's powerful, man.
59:31 Speaker 01 Yeah.
59:31 Lewis Howes? Those are good truths. I want to acknowledge you David for your childlike joy and curiosity. You've got this joy about you and this, this childlike love. This whole time I'm experiencing with you and every time I've been around you. And on screen, you bring this type of like joy and childlike curiosity and love and fun and humility and wisdom to you. So I want to acknowledge you for all those gifts that you have.
59:59 Speaker 01 Oh, amazing. Thank you.
1:00:00 Lewis Howes? And for, even though we've only hung out three times now, I feel like we're really becoming good friends with the long embraces.
1:00:07 Speaker 01 Yeah, that'll do it. It'll skip some steps.
1:00:09 Lewis Howes? I know, right? So, um, congrats on everything, man. You're doing amazing work in the world. I know you've got a business you're launching. I don't know if you're allowed to share what that is. And if you've got other stuff where people can follow you online, where, where can they go to connect with you and?
1:00:25 Speaker 01 Oh, well, first, I, I, I mean it. I think, I think, uh, what you're putting out in the world and your intention and your mission is, is beautiful. It's a truly beautiful thing and. I think when you go and take everything, you'll have left a massive imprint on this place. And I think that's really powerful. But as far as, yeah, I've got some exciting things. It's actually kind of tied into some of the stuff I'm doing. But I'm curious about cues, the way people, it's really hard to unwind and to kind of feel relaxed and to rest. And I think people need physical things sometimes to do that. So I've created this bathrobe company.
1:01:09 Speaker 01 I have this bathrobe that's really, really lovely. And you put it on and it does that for me. It kind of just tricks me into just chilling and getting into a restorative place. And so it's an upgraded bathrobe, really.
1:01:23 Lewis Howes? Yeah.
1:01:23 Speaker 01 An essential that people sort of forgot they need.
1:01:26 Lewis Howes? Yeah, most men don't wear bathrobes.
1:01:28 Speaker 01 Right, a lot. Depends on your age and, you know, things. So anyway, these bathrobes will be available around Christmas. And I'll say some stuff on my, it's just my name on Instagram and stuff. And at David Walton. And yeah, I'll have some more stuff as we launch this company. And if you want a nice bathrobe for Christmas, it's called The Perfect Bathrobe by Wakanichi.
1:01:48 Lewis Howes? I like it, man. There you go. You'll have to post more on Instagram now.
1:01:51 Speaker 01 Yeah, I may have to go. I may have to.
1:01:53 Lewis Howes? You in the bathroom.
1:01:54 Speaker 01 I may be coming to you for advice, actually.
1:01:56 Lewis Howes? It's hot, man. And are there any new series or shows or movies or?
1:02:01 Speaker 01 Yeah, well, I just shot this movie called Later Days. It's kind of like a Breakfast Club, but everyone's 40. It's an independent film, so.
1:02:07 Lewis Howes? That's cool.
1:02:08 Speaker 01 Hopefully in about a year, you can see it in the theaters. That's usually how long it takes.
1:02:13 Lewis Howes? I know, it's annoying, right?
1:02:14 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:02:14 Lewis Howes? Hurry up and wait, right?
1:02:15 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:02:16 Lewis Howes? Amazing, man. I've got one final question for you.
1:02:19 Speaker 01 Sure.
1:02:19 Lewis Howes? And it's what's your definition of greatness?
1:02:21 Speaker 01 Of greatness?
1:02:22 Lewis Howes? Uh huh.
1:02:23 Speaker 01 I think it has to do with integrity. I think it has to do with knowing who you are, deciding how you're going to operate your life, the values, and then putting your money where your mouth is. To me, that's great. It can be small and no one can ever know about you. But if you're living with integrity, that's a super high standard.
1:02:43 Lewis Howes? Hmm, there you go.
1:02:44 Speaker 01 Yeah.
1:02:45 Lewis Howes? David Walton, my man. Thanks, brother.
1:02:46 Speaker 01 Thank you.
1:02:47 Lewis Howes? Long time.
1:02:47 Speaker 01 Yeah, baby.
1:02:54 Lewis Howes? Oh my friends, we can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. Don't be afraid of your own light. Don't be afraid of your own gifts. You might have some opportunities in front of you that seem like they're scary, that seem like they're challenging, that seem like, uh, what if you fail? But what if you succeed? What happens when you succeed? And you're able to inspire and help other people? You're able to get yourself out of this darker place that you're in right now? And really grow into the person you want to become? That's what's possible for you. Not living in a space of constant stress, anxiety, pain, frustration,
1:03:38 Lewis Howes? overwhelm, uncertainty, that's not who you are and who you're supposed to be. I hope you really enjoyed this interview with David Walton. If you did, share it with a friend, LewisHowes.com/869. Just text one friend and say, "Hey, I love your thoughts on this interview. I thought it'd be powerful for you." Someone you think it might resonate with, send them a text and be a champion or a hero and help a friend today. Also, share it on Instagram stories. I like to connect over there the most. You can post it on Facebook and Twitter and tag David Walton as well. Let him know that you're listening, because I'm sure he would love to hear from you. We have some exciting, big interviews coming up. I'm so pumped that you're here.
1:04:22 Lewis Howes? If this is your first time, please click that subscribe button on the Apple Podcast. Leave a review. Let us know what you thought about this. You can put a one star or a five star. It doesn't matter to me. We just want to serve you and help you at the highest level, increase and grow your life and improve your life and bring joy to your life. That's what this is all about, helping you unlock your inner greatness and become truly who you were born to become. So leave us a review. Write a message on Apple as well, review and tell us what we can do to make this better. What you enjoyed about this, how we can serve you specifically, what types of content you want. Let us know, we are here for you and we appreciate you. I hope you know that you are loved, I hope you know that you are worthy.
1:05:07 Lewis Howes? I hope you know that you are enough. I love you so very much, I appreciate you for being here every single week. And as always, you know what time it is, it's time to go out there and do something great.
Previous 868 Brian Grazer: The Art of Human Connection Next 870 Fight for Fearlessness Page updated September 29, 2026 · transcript and summary are machine-generated
