869 Relationships, Fear and Doing What You Love with David Walton

We want a direct path to success. But the road is never straight. What makes it special isn’t just the destination but the journey that shaped us. Along the way, we discover ourselves. We pick up skills and learn how to deal with our fears and emotions. But the emotions that took us to the top often will not keep us there. We must learn a new set of skills to maintain our success and go further. In today’s episode of The School of Greatness, I talk about dealing with anger, preparation, and the journey to success with a Hollywood star: David Walton. David Walton is a talented actor who rose to prominence on television and is well known for his role on the comedy series “New Girl” and for his character Will Freeman on the successful series “About a Boy.” So get ready to learn about emotional growth, how to handle relationship conflicts, and mastering your emotions on Episode 869. Some Questions I Ask: Do you ever feel insecure as an actor? (21:30) Why do you think we hold on to anger and frustration? (27:00) What’s the best part and the worst past about the acting business. (46:30 How do you deal with your fear? (52:00) What questions would you ask Tom Cruise? (50:00) What advice would you give to actors who fear their work will be judged instead of appreciated? (55:00) In This Episode You Will Learn: The effects of alcohol on our behavior. (18:00) Why the destructive forces of shame and guilt are so powerful. (20:00) Why we all want to feel loved. (21:30) How to confront your partner or spouse in a relationship. (32:00) How to make it through the challenges of an acting career. (44:30) The importance of dealing with your fears. (52:00) If you enjoyed this episode check out the video, show notes and more at http://lewishowes.com/869 and follow at instagram.com/lewishowes Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:01Lewis Howes?

  This is episode number 869 with David Walton.

• 0:07Lewis Howes?

  Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 0:32Lewis Howes?

  Plato said, "We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark." "The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light." Boom. Welcome to this interview. I am excited about this because we have the extremely talented David Walton in the house, who I got to know years ago at an event, and we've stayed in touch, and just a great, all-around good guy. For those that maybe don't know who he is, he's an actor known for several TV programs, including Cracking Up, the drama series Heist, comedy series New Girl, and on the NBC comedies Perfect Couples, Bent, and About a Boy.

• 1:17Lewis Howes?

  And super funny on a lot of these different series, but also just got a big heart. And in this interview, we talk about how David's big break early in his career had a negative effect on his growth. Actually, how it was pretty easy for him breaking into a very difficult industry of acting and what that did for him. How ego can affect how we handled being judged or dealing with anger. The advice David would give other actors on their journey to Hollywood. The difference in fear of being seen as an actor versus writing your own words and performing them. That and so much more about relationships.

• 1:57Lewis Howes?

  About fear of doing what you love and so many more things. And I love this quote, "We can easily forgive a child who's afraid of the dark, but the tragedy, the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of a light." And this is something that I'm so passionate about is, is not being afraid of the light that you were born with. We all have these unique gifts and talents. You have something so special inside of you, but we're afraid. So many people are crippled by the fear of failure, the fear of judgment and the fear of success. Actually achieving what we want, people are the most afraid of sometimes because then the responsibility and the pressure to live up to it. And what if people found

• 2:38Lewis Howes?

  out that I wasn't who I, who I say I am, right? These fears cripple us. But for me, the tragedy is when we, when we go to sleep without a dream and we wake up without a purpose. It's like, then what are we doing? We need to be focusing on figuring that out. And sometimes we transition. Sometimes we have a dream, it gets lost and we create new dreams. But that is our purpose and that's our mission here to continue to pursue it. And this story is a powerful one that I think you're really gonna love. Make sure to share it with your friends. Tag David on Instagram, even though he's not that active on there yet. I'm trying to get him more active on there, David Walton. And send someone this

• 3:19Lewis Howes?

  link, lewishouse.com/869 to be inspired by his journey and everything that he's up to. And I'm excited about this interview. So let's dive into this one with the one, the only David Walton.

• 3:41Lewis Howes?

  Welcome everyone to the School of Greatness podcast. We've got the iconic David Walton in the house, man. Good to see you, brother.

• 3:46Speaker 01

  Good to see you too.

• 3:47Lewis Howes?

  Excited about this. When you walked in, we had a 10 second hug.

• 3:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was about 10, maybe 11 or 12.

• 3:53Lewis Howes?

  11, 12 seconds. We, we enjoy a long, warm hug.

• 3:57Speaker 01

  Well, I would say enjoy is an interesting word there because when I first saw you, it'd been four years yesterday and you came in and I tried to pull away and you held on to me. And I had this weird thing in my head going. This is something I've thought about doing with people. This feels incredibly awkward to me. But then as we held it in, I was like, I am not only getting more used to this and into it, but I like him more now.

• 4:22Lewis Howes?

  Oh, there you go. And you remember, you know, I've been known for giving long awkward hugs.

• 4:27Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:28Lewis Howes?

  As an experiment originally is what I started doing probably like 10, 12 years ago.

• 4:33Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:33Lewis Howes?

  Experimenting it. And my life has been about experiments. Whenever I'm afraid of something, I say, how can I go all in on this thing? And create like a game or an exercise or an experiment around it? And see what happens on the other side. I'll do a month, a three-month experiment.

• 4:49Speaker 01

  Great.

• 4:49Lewis Howes?

  And I started doing this because I wanted to have deeper connections with people. And I felt like people were on surface level a lot. And especially growing up in Ohio, playing sports, and guys had kind of this phobia around hugs.

• 5:01Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 5:01Lewis Howes?

  Even just like a high five and like a little

• 5:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:04Lewis Howes?

  bringing in handshake was almost too much.

• 5:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 5:08Lewis Howes?

  It was like, don't touch me. It was this phobia. And so I just wanted to change that. And I was like, I really want to be more intimate with people and have deeper connections. And so I started doing that and it just kind of stuck. And I was telling you that we have to be careful in certain climates of the, of humanity, of when that's appropriate and understanding people's energies. So sometimes I don't always do that, but

• 5:29Speaker 01

  You read people.

• 5:30Lewis Howes?

  You gotta read people.

• 5:31Speaker 01

  12 seconds, no matter what.

• 5:32Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, no, I read people.

• 5:33Speaker 01

  You're like President Clinton or President Obama.

• 5:36Lewis Howes?

  I know. Yeah, it might be like a shot. I remember we had a meditation teacher of mine come on for the first time. She wasn't my teacher at that time, but I'm just meeting her. And I gave her a hug and she was almost, it's almost like she saw a ghost. Because she's a monk and she doesn't touch anyone.

• 5:55Speaker 01

  Oh, boy.

• 5:56Lewis Howes?

  And so Tiffany was there and it was, I felt horrible the whole time I was interviewing her. Because I just felt like I broke some sacred

• 6:05Speaker 01

  And and she, did she recover? Did she forgive?

• 6:08Lewis Howes?

  She was fine, yeah. No, she moved on. I mean, she's got, you know, the principle of just like not letting, not holding on to things.

• 6:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, sure.

• 6:14Lewis Howes?

  Cause you're in suffering when you hold on to something.

• 6:16Speaker 01

  It was actually probably a really good test to see how, how, what level she was at.

• 6:20Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. Are you gonna suffer? Are you gonna hold on to this? Are you a true teacher?

• 6:22Speaker 01

  Are you gonna start resenting me, you know?

• 6:25Lewis Howes?

  We connected years ago for probably, I don't know, 20, 30 minutes, maybe?

• 6:30Speaker 01

  Very briefly, yeah.

• 6:31Lewis Howes?

  We had a great connection.

• 6:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, I agree.

• 6:33Lewis Howes?

  And so it's good to see you again.

• 6:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, and I remember you reached out to me, I think through Instagram, and I admitted, I admitted to you, I think I did a Dunn Dax's podcast, and you, I admitted to you that I've always been like, why didn't I reach out to Louis after that thing? And then you just sent me your, your phone, phone number like immediately, and I was like, I just like this guy's style. It's all good. It's just, opens it up. It opens up.

• 6:56Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, man.

• 6:57Speaker 01

  Communication without, we get all worried about, I don't know, not being liked perhaps.

• 7:01Lewis Howes?

  Exactly, man. Yeah, and I, and I've liked following your journey. I think I first heard about you on, it was either about a boy or a new girl.

• 7:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:09Lewis Howes?

  That's where I first saw you, and I started learning more about you from there, and I really liked your style as an actor. And you're a better human being. You're a better human being. I started learning more about you recently. We both went to boarding school.

• 7:21Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 7:22Lewis Howes?

  You went to a boy's school first.

• 7:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:24Lewis Howes?

  And then you went to a coed boarding school.

• 7:25Speaker 01

  Yep.

• 7:26Lewis Howes?

  Which I went to just a coed boarding school.

• 7:28Speaker 01

  Okay. You've never been in a single-sex environment?

• 7:32Lewis Howes?

  Uh, well, I was in a boys dorm.

• 7:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:35Lewis Howes?

  And then across the campus was the girls dorm. Probably similar to you.

• 7:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, 100%. And it was all like occasionally sneaking out.

• 7:43Lewis Howes?

  Occasionally, right?

• 7:43Speaker 01

  Occasionally.

• 7:44Lewis Howes?

  Was it pretty strict for you?

• 7:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, we get in very big trouble, and that's part of the, I think, the appeal was, you know, breaking rules is exciting for a teenager.

• 7:52Lewis Howes?

  Exactly. Getting out and going to the girls dorm and.

• 7:55Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 7:55Lewis Howes?

  Sneaking through the window and like banging on it.

• 7:57Speaker 01

  I only did it once or twice, actually. I was pretty terrified.

• 8:00Lewis Howes?

  Were you? Were you a by the rules kind of a guy? Do you always follow the rules?

• 8:04Speaker 01

  That was my family's culture, but I would think everyone would say that I was the black sheep. I have a lot of high achieving siblings, like most of my sisters were all American athletes and

• 8:15Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 8:15Speaker 01

  Really abided by the rules and I kind of was like, I'm not as good at sports as they are. How do I become extraordinary? And I was like, I might as well, you know, like just be different than them maybe, I don't know.

• 8:27Lewis Howes?

  Were they like New England?

• 8:28Speaker 01

  Oh, I mean, the purest. Field hockey? Hockey and lacrosse.

• 8:32Lewis Howes?

  Oh my gosh, amazing.

• 8:33Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, it's pretty.

• 8:37Speaker 01

  They were valid foes for a boy. They were strong and.

• 8:41Lewis Howes?

  And we were talking before, you were asking me if I, if I have a cocktail, because we were talking about doing golf sometime.

• 8:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, I didn't know you didn't.

• 8:48Lewis Howes?

  I don't drink, I've never been drunk and I'll have a Bailey's on ice.

• 8:52Speaker 01

  Oh, you will?

• 8:53Lewis Howes?

  Once or twice a year.

• 8:54Speaker 01

  Okay, oh.

• 8:55Lewis Howes?

  Bailey's on ice.

• 8:55Speaker 01

  One.

• 8:56Lewis Howes?

  Very, maybe two shots.

• 8:58Speaker 01

  Maybe two.

• 8:58Lewis Howes?

  But it's like I'll sip on it for an hour.

• 9:00Speaker 01

  It's delicious.

• 9:01Lewis Howes?

  Delicious.

• 9:01Speaker 01

  Delicious.

• 9:02Lewis Howes?

  And sometimes I'll put it in hot chocolate for Christmas or something. But I think I had a, and you were asking me earlier, why, is there a reason why?

• 9:09Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 9:10Lewis Howes?

  And when I was a kid, growing up, my two older sisters both had some challenges with some, some alcohol, drug stuff. They weren't like addicted, but they had some instances that were scary moments, right? And I saw them really sick at times from this alcohol stuff, like throwing up and being sick for days or whatever, right? So, and my sister, my brother went to prison for four years. When I was eight, he went to prison for drugs, for selling drugs to an undercover cop.

• 9:36Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 9:37Lewis Howes?

  And so we would drive to the, the visiting room, it was about a two and a half hour drive to get there, prison, every weekend for four or five hours and I would watch, we'd be with all of the families and all the other inmates. And I would just witness and observe what was happening. And I don't know if it scared me, but I was just like, I don't want to be here one day. And he was there for four and a half years. He got off on good behavior. But I just remember being like, I don't want to be here.

• 10:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:06Lewis Howes?

  This is not a place, and if it's smoking weed, if it's drugs, if it's alcohol, whatever it is, I just don't want to do it if that's going to get me here.

• 10:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:15Lewis Howes?

  So I remember I used to steal cigarettes when I was 12.

• 10:19Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 10:20Lewis Howes?

  I was acting out as a young kid, I was the youngest of four and I would steal. From like the grocery store.

• 10:25Speaker 01

  Oh, from, okay, so like a, you know, felony.

• 10:29Lewis Howes?

  Yes, yes, I would steal almost every, every time I went into a store, I would steal, I had to steal something for about a year and a half.

• 10:35Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 10:36Lewis Howes?

  What is that called, like klepto?

• 10:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, well kleptomaniac maybe, but I thought that was stealing from other people, but sure, I, yeah.

• 10:42Lewis Howes?

  It was like, it became a game for me.

• 10:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 10:44Lewis Howes?

  And I started stealing cigarettes and I would, I remember I wouldn't even smoke them, I would try to like take a puff and I wouldn't even inhale it. Cause I was so afraid if I did something, what it would do to me. But that was my bad phase and, and, and then in high school, I went to a private boarding school, which I know you went to the boarding school as well. You weren't allowed to have alcohol on campus, first off, and kids weren't really going out and buying it.

• 11:04Speaker 01

  Oh, they weren't?

• 11:05Lewis Howes?

  At sixteen, it just wasn't happening.

• 11:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:08Lewis Howes?

  And then I went to college and then I was playing college football and there was alcohol everywhere. After every game, parties, cake stands, the whole thing. And I remember just saying to myself, I'm not gonna get to where I want in my dreams as a pro athlete if I do what everyone else is doing. And so it just never became interesting for me at college. And so I made a commitment that I wouldn't have one sip of alcohol in college.

• 11:31Speaker 01

  Not a sip.

• 11:32Lewis Howes?

  Not a sip. Then after college was over, I was like, why would I start now?

• 11:37Speaker 01

  Did that become your identity in college for the people, like all those Louis?

• 11:40Lewis Howes?

  People knew.

• 11:41Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 11:41Lewis Howes?

  And, and girls would try to like,

• 11:43Speaker 01

  Get you to?

• 11:44Lewis Howes?

  Do whatever I could to make it happen.

• 11:46Speaker 01

  And when you were with girls who were inebriated and attracted to you, how did that work?

• 11:51Lewis Howes?

  I would just say no.

• 11:52Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 11:53Lewis Howes?

  I would say no.

• 11:57Lewis Howes?

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• 12:39Lewis Howes?

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• 13:22Lewis Howes?

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• 14:45Lewis Howes?

  special link at zapier.com/greatness. That's C-A-P-I-E-R.com/greatness. Again, big thank you to our sponsors. And let's dive back into this interview with David Walton.

• 15:04Lewis Howes?

  It was weird, man, because I didn't want to ever be taking advantage of anyone.

• 15:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:07Lewis Howes?

  Or be that guy. And so I would just be like, no, if you're drinking, I'm not gonna do anything.

• 15:12Speaker 01

  Wow, good for you.

• 15:13Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 15:13Speaker 01

  And then, but now it's carried on. You're 36.

• 15:16Lewis Howes?

  36.

• 15:17Speaker 01

  And the Baileys. But that first Baileys you had, was that a weird experience? Or was it like, just like, whatever?

• 15:24Lewis Howes?

  Well, my sisters gave it to me in hot chocolate, so I didn't really taste it.

• 15:28Speaker 01

  Oh.

• 15:28Lewis Howes?

  She's like, oh, it's like sweet.

• 15:29Speaker 01

  Did they sneak it in, like you didn't know?

• 15:31Lewis Howes?

  They, they had some, and I drank some of it. And I was like, that's really good. And they were like, yeah, it's Baileys inside of it. I was like, oh, okay, maybe I'll have one, you know? But, um, but I just never decided to do it.

• 15:42Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:42Lewis Howes?

  I've never had, I've never had beer. I think I had one sip of wine.

• 15:45Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:46Lewis Howes?

  It tasted really bad to me. So.

• 15:48Speaker 01

  Well, it's a really, you know, I, I, this isn't a scientific method, but a lot of the people who I, I inspire me and are doing really kind of prolific work and deep work, certainly in entertainment, a lot of them are sober.

• 16:03Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 16:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 16:04Lewis Howes?

  Who were the most inspiring?

• 16:05Speaker 01

  Like Dax, you know, Dax Shepard.

• 16:07Lewis Howes?

  He doesn't drink?

• 16:08Speaker 01

  No, well, he's, uh, yeah, he was in AA, so he's like, you know, he had.

• 16:12Lewis Howes?

  He wasn't a alcoholic?

• 16:13Speaker 01

  He was. And even people like Howard Stern to me, like, you know, you would think, and he just doesn't touch anything and.

• 16:21Lewis Howes?

  No drugs, no alcohol?

• 16:22Speaker 01

  No, yeah. I mean, I think maybe he drinks a little bit, like the tiniest bit. And as you get older, like you can, I can, I've taken long stretches without it and the amount of productivity. And my, my wife is into this hashtag called Sober Curious, which is gaining steam because there's such a pervasive culture of drinking. I was just shooting a movie in Chicago for a month called Later Days and, and, I mean, cities like Boston and Chicago, it's just like, it's, it's just paired with everything.

• 16:50Lewis Howes?

  There's bars everywhere, pubs, drinking everywhere, after work, you always go for a drink.

• 16:55Speaker 01

  Yeah, and it, and it, I think a lot of people are starting to question that culture and why it's there and how much good it's actually doing. And our, so that Sober Curious movement is, is kind of fascinating because, um, so she's work, doing that and I, but I have this kind of. My relationship to alcohol is strange because I know the physical ramifications and the willpower after a night of drinking. You know, if you have a great diet going or whatever and you're being great, it derails you in such a profound way.

• 17:28Lewis Howes?

  You drink, you're gonna start eating bad.

• 17:29Speaker 01

  The next morning, you're like, who cares? And I'm just gonna rip like, you know.

• 17:33Lewis Howes?

  Five pizzas.

• 17:34Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 17:36Speaker 01

  But at the same time, its ability to bring people together or to have bonding experiences.

• 17:42Lewis Howes?

  Truthful experiences.

• 17:43Speaker 01

  It truthful and ghetto and and and it kind of silence a lot of things you're fascinated with, which are guilt and unworthiness and and shame and all these things like. There's theories that alcohol, it doesn't make you a different person. It's just if you have all those things coexisting. Like if on your highest level, you are all love and gratitude and sharing, but you have feelings of unworthiness as well, like we all do. The alcohol just mutes that voice.

• 18:15Lewis Howes?

  The unworthy voice.

• 18:16Speaker 01

  The unworthy voice temporarily so that the way you behave is actually.

• 18:21Lewis Howes?

  Pure love.

• 18:22Speaker 01

  It's more loving and you see great, you know, I I have friends who are kind of like, they're kind of like tough, angry guys and they drink and it's like, it's like.

• 18:31Lewis Howes?

  They're hugging you at 12 second hugs all day.

• 18:33Speaker 01

  And it's not annoying, you know, it's like, oh, it's like, and a lot of people would say like, God, I feel more like myself when I'm drinking. And I that's that's across the board. A lot of people feel that way.

• 18:42Lewis Howes?

  So that's why they continue to drink more and more probably.

• 18:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, and I think like anything, the more, you know, the the edges, extremes are where we run into problems. And if you can find a little middle ground, it can be okay. So it's like, and I I know a drug counselor who would say it's not that anything is bad or good. It's just your it your relationship to it.

• 19:01Lewis Howes?

  Why do you think people feel more of who they are when they're drinking? And why do you think people can't feel that way? When they're living normal life without it.

• 19:10Speaker 01

  Well, uh, my very rudimentary theory is uh kind of based on this wonderful book called Power Versus Force by Dr. Hawkins, which was like a pretty big book in the seventies. But it's basically like, it's kind of what I just said, it's you're born with all of these layers of consciousness and like the most sort of, the most destructive, he would argue Hawkins is like shame, guilt and, and that, the big unworthiness.

• 19:38Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 19:39Speaker 01

  And we all kind of are born with that in some level, different levels of it. And no one really knows why. You just see a little kid and you can see a heaviness or a cloud.

• 19:50Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 19:51Speaker 01

  And so, but we also within us have, you know, that super high level stuff, the stuff that every great, you know, religion ultimately is about, which is that oneness and love and connection. And I think everyone has it inside them at all times. And what we do during our day, what we decide, our intention, all those things can elevate us to a certain extent, but that doesn't mean that stuff isn't down there still. And to me, certain uh substances can mute that. And so people identify themselves with that love.

• 20:29Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm.

• 20:30Speaker 01

  But with alcohol, they're just not feeling that stuff. So they're like, oh, I feel like more, it's more like me, cause all, I kind of, my problem's when I'm not worrying, you know, and I'm not doubting.

• 20:39Lewis Howes?

  Do you feel like a lot of actors feel insecure and unworthy most of the time?

• 20:45Speaker 01

  Yeah, I mean, it's a hard one. I, yeah.

• 20:47Lewis Howes?

  And you have a lot of actor friends, right?

• 20:49Speaker 01

  Yeah. And I think on a certain level, we all want to be loved and feel important and seen like everyone. And there's a sense of, you know, when you're seventeen and you want to be an actor, generally it's going to be about, is this going to help me get laid?

• 21:06Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 21:06Speaker 01

  If you're like on some level, is this going to help me be attractive?

• 21:09Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 21:10Speaker 01

  Like most musicians, I mean.

• 21:11Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 21:12Speaker 01

  There's obviously exceptions, but it's kind of like, you know, those poor teenagers, everyone's ruled by that. Everyone's ruled by it. It's like the most powerful force on earth, that sexuality stuff. So all the stuff that you're doing, I love being able to talk about.

• 21:26Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 21:27Speaker 01

  I don't know, things that are. To kind of expand the dialogue and honor the fact that wanting to have sex is so deeply ingrained and powerful.

• 21:37Lewis Howes?

  In our biology and our psyche and everything.

• 21:40Speaker 01

  God, you know, if anything, it's the most. And so to write off that there's something shameful about that is not good. It's just more like, are you in control of your [BLEEP]? And, and, because everyone's raging. I mean, go to a, watch a movie set, watch a movie set and go for a month of like a shoot. And then have the wrap party and watch all the like built in sexual tension like kind of explode.

• 22:12Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 22:13Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, like any, you know, it's like there's movies about, like any business is like that, right? Like the corporate office party. It's like, and alcohol, unfortunately, you know, the judgment kind of goes and people make mistakes. So it's, it's, it's a dangerous world out there. But what's the root of it, in my opinion, is the fact that everyone is a sexual creature and it's on their mind whether they want to or not, you know? It's just like, you just feel it instinctually, you know, like.

• 22:42Lewis Howes?

  Does that happen a lot of, how many movie sets have you been on? Because you do mostly TV, right? Have you done?

• 22:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, I've been on a bunch of movie sets though, too. It's the same with TV. I mean, it's not that people are going around being sexual all day. I'm just saying that I would like people to honor the fact that it's there, you know? And that it's obviously a really tough world right now to navigate for everybody. And some of the dialogue I see happening seems a little black and white to me. And I just.

• 23:12Lewis Howes?

  What's, which dialogue?

• 23:14Speaker 01

  Just all, just the, the dialogue about the giant gray area of, of interaction of, you know? One of the things, I've talked to a lot of women and they'll say something like the days of like complimenting a sweater or something, they're kind of like over it. Like they don't want those compliments about certain articles.

• 23:35Lewis Howes?

  Sweater, yeah.

• 23:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, like, oh, I love your sweater. Like even that can be a problem now for, for women because it feels like it's coming from a, maybe a sexual place or a, oh, let me, whatever. But a lot of the girls I've talked to are very open. It's like if the guy is attractive, if the guy is like someone you're attracted to, then it's okay. But if it's like someone who's not attractive, then you don't like it, right?

• 23:58Lewis Howes?

  How do you know if they're attracted to you or not?

• 24:00Speaker 01

  A lot of guys are trying to say, hey, I'm a great guy, like I'm a catch. So how am I supposed to know that you think I'm creepy when I'm not? You know, and I think to me, I'm like looking, I'm like.

• 24:11Lewis Howes?

  You're looking at the girls.

• 24:12Speaker 01

  I'm looking at the girls.

• 24:13Lewis Howes?

  They're like yes or no.

• 24:14Speaker 01

  I'm like terrified right now. But no, I think that's an example of a gray area that just doesn't get talked about.

• 24:22Lewis Howes?

  It's tough.

• 24:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's tough for, look, guys have had it good in so many ways. Right now, everyone's pretty darn lost. And if you talk openly and truthfully about it, most likely it's gonna be reactive and eviscerated. And you saw it, so everyone's quieting until some energy shifts where they can have a real better dialogue about it. But anyway, that's, that's some of my thoughts on it.

• 24:51Lewis Howes?

  Do you have, do you have any male actor friends that have gone through some challenging times? That have come to you for wisdom and advice and?

• 24:58Speaker 01

  No, no one, no one comes to me for wisdom and advice, no. No, I, I'm trying to think if anyone's really been in trouble. No, I just, in the beginning of the wonderful Me Too movement, where, you know, women are finally getting what they deserve in a lot of ways. I mean, and there's still tons of stuff to be done. But someone pointing out a gray area, kind of like on Twitter, or whether it's Matt Damon or something like that, just getting eviscerated. And, and I think by, by definition, there's gonna be no nuanced discussion of, of gray areas on Twitter.

• 25:32Lewis Howes?

  Right, right, right. People just take away from it.

• 25:35Speaker 01

  Those are the headlines. And, and so, yeah, I mean, long form stuff like this is a way of doing it. And I think it's really powerful. And I don't know, I just want everyone to kind of forgive each other more.

• 25:46Lewis Howes?

  Wouldn't it be amazing?

• 25:47Speaker 01

  It would be really great.

• 25:48Lewis Howes?

  Why do you think we hold on to so much anger or frustration for so long about anything? Not just Me Too stuff, but anything in general? Why do you think we hold on to these things for so long?

• 26:00Speaker 01

  That's a great question. I really don't know. I mean, if I could take a stab at it, that anger is actually pretty... It can feel really good to be angry, especially if you're sad or, you know, have any of the lower things.

• 26:13Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 26:14Speaker 01

  Anger is actually pretty powerful, like in sports, for example. If you're scared on like a big match point, there's mental coaches who'll say, "Just work yourself, find something to be angry, because that's gonna be a more powerful state than fear."

• 26:27Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 26:28Speaker 01

  So, I don't know. That's a stab at that deep philosophical question.

• 26:33Lewis Howes?

  Do you feel like you're an angry person? Or have you had anger throughout the last 15 years of acting?

• 26:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, no, I'm not really angry around... I have a lot of anger in my personal life. I don't know where it comes from. My dad had a big temper. It's scary at times, and kids, I don't know.

• 26:53Lewis Howes?

  You can't control your kids.

• 26:54Speaker 01

  You can't, and they can trigger you in the deepest ways.

• 26:57Lewis Howes?

  And they know how to manipulate you, probably, right?

• 26:59Speaker 01

  They start getting there, but even when, before they're in that stage, they're triggering whatever your issues are with yourself or how you were raised. And generally, like, my son, who is a boy, if he does something that reminds me of maybe something that I don't like about myself... Let's say, an example, like, you know, a culture where being a guy and being scared isn't really allowed, and then you see your son being scared. It's cute for a bit, but then at a certain age, you know, it starts to trigger me, like, "Hey, man, like, get it together."

• 27:36Lewis Howes?

  How old is your son?

• 27:37Speaker 01

  He's five, you know what I mean? And I'm like, "You can't be... I'm not gonna escort you upstairs. There's nothing upstairs. You gotta be brave." And I try to be...

• 27:45Lewis Howes?

  I've gone under the covers the whole time. I've gone under the bed. I've shown you there's no monsters.

• 27:49Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:50Lewis Howes?

  When are you gonna grow up?

• 27:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but I find anger to be very confusing. You know, obviously, relationships spark it, and kids can.

• 28:01Speaker 01

  A lot of the yogic principles, it's just like it's primal anger that you know it's born with. You can see a two-year-old rage like nothing else. It's not, I don't think anger is shameful. I don't think it's something, I think it should be embraced and loved in that sort of spirit of, how do I take this innate part of me and make it non-destructive? And that can be through CrossFit and kickboxing or whatever.

• 28:27Lewis Howes?

  Meditation yoga.

• 28:28Speaker 01

  Meditation yoga, but sometimes that's hard too because you can think you've released it, but anger is a tricky.

• 28:35Lewis Howes?

  Suppressed it or something.

• 28:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's got a ton of energy and anger is incredibly powerful.

• 28:39Lewis Howes?

  And it can come back in a moment and trigger you.

• 28:42Speaker 01

  Oh, man. And so you, you know, I think you've mentioned you have some anger. You know, I think all, we all do.

• 28:48Lewis Howes?

  I think I've, I think I had a lot of anger and sports allowed me to release it in a very safe environment.

• 28:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 28:55Lewis Howes?

  To where I didn't have it. Cause I could get it out in this container of two, three hours and let any of my emotions out. You know, just headbutt people all day and then I was fine. And then I was exhausted of all my energy and I was just like, oh, I could sleep peacefully.

• 29:10Speaker 01

  And do you still get triggered or are you, are you kind of?

• 29:14Lewis Howes?

  I get triggered all the time. The thing is I'm so aware of it now. So aware of it that I'm like, okay, it's kind of like I recognize the two wolves inside of me, the good wolf and the bad wolf.

• 29:25Speaker 01

  I love that old metaphor.

• 29:26Lewis Howes?

  And I'm like, okay, which one wants to win right now? Which one am I gonna feed? Sometimes I feed the, the bad wolf and it comes out. And but most of the time I'm feeding the good wolf because I'm consciously like, okay, this is triggering me. Why is this triggering me? Why don't I want to punch someone in the face right now or go through a wall?

• 29:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:44Lewis Howes?

  Sometimes I feel like I could take down a building. I literally feel like I could run through this building.

• 29:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:49Lewis Howes?

  And the whole thing would crumble.

• 29:50Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 29:51Lewis Howes?

  I know I would die before that would happen, but I feel like in my mind, I feel like that's possible sometimes with that much power.

• 29:57Speaker 01

  Thinking of that, that much energy, I mean.

• 29:59Lewis Howes?

  That much energy, but I, I'm so conscious and aware of it that I, that I just practice the right things. And I make sure, you know, I was having a, a challenging conversation with my girlfriend last night. We have a long-distance relationship. She's Latina, which you are familiar with. Your wife's Latina.

• 30:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, from Venezuela.

• 30:17Lewis Howes?

  And.

• 30:19Lewis Howes?

  So there's a, there's a language difference. She's probably seventy percent in, speaking English fluent.

• 30:26Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 30:26Lewis Howes?

  So there's sometimes some misinterpretations.

• 30:28Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 30:29Lewis Howes?

  Of like nuances. There's a cultural difference. There's just human being differences with different people. And I remember I was like getting triggered by something she was saying and I was like, I could react and I could get loud and do those things or I can. And in that moment, I just started to smile. I started to smile at her. I was like, okay. I started myself getting like clenched and defensive and being like, she doesn't understand me. She doesn't get me right now. Like there's, there's a misunderstanding of our culture, our language. Let me just smile. Let me just smile and keep smiling and she kept like speaking, she kept saying stuff.

• 31:04Speaker 01

  Is this on the FaceTime?

• 31:05Lewis Howes?

  On FaceTime.

• 31:05Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 31:06Lewis Howes?

  So I just kept, I was just like. I was like smiling, smiling and she goes, why are you smiling? I go, I just love you. I just love you so much. And then she started smiling and then we started laughing and then it's like it became calmer and calmer and relaxed.

• 31:18Speaker 01

  And would you ever tell her though that that, that something had been triggered?

• 31:22Lewis Howes?

  Probably, yeah, yeah. I think I told her later in the conversation.

• 31:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, cuz that's.

• 31:26Lewis Howes?

  I was like, this is the way it makes me feel. This is how, what I'm experiencing.

• 31:30Speaker 01

  Right. So that to me is the biggest thing is, cuz if you just smile and say, I love you and then never have that conversation. Now you've buried something.

• 31:37Lewis Howes?

  You've buried it. Yeah. So you've got to stay with what's on your mind.

• 31:39Speaker 01

  Yeah. And that's something that I, we all struggle with.

• 31:42Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 31:43Speaker 01

  Like there's that old thing, you know, choose your battles when you get married and it's like.

• 31:47Lewis Howes?

  Is that what you do?

• 31:48Speaker 01

  I did and I'm like going more and I'm sorry sweetheart if you're listening, but I'm, I'm gonna choose all the battles. Cuz I actually think the battles are, I, I'm, I'm beginning to, and actually Jordan Peterson kind of got me on this train was like, the festering of an unchosen battle, you know, is legit. And I think, um.

• 32:09Lewis Howes?

  It's like a bomb coming out in a bigger battle.

• 32:12Speaker 01

  And, and, and the tricky thing is what, how to choose the battle in a responsible, non-destructive way.

• 32:18Lewis Howes?

  In a loving way.

• 32:19Speaker 01

  Yes. And I think that's the hardest thing to do. Cuz you get angry and you wanna hurt and you wanna, and you wanna win. And at least I do. And I think a lot of people. And so it's like, do I sit on this? And then go to sleep and then wake up and then talk about it tomorrow when I can actually speak calmly? What is the level of real mental power? That you have and you clearly have worked on it a great deal. You have that, but I have a ton of respect for people who, you know, or empathy for people who don't. And, and it's like, you know, you fly off the handle and then it's like, damn, and then there's shrapnel everywhere, you know?

• 32:59Lewis Howes?

  The challenge is when we fly off the handle, it takes us off of our mission. It takes us off of a life of purpose and a life of actually impacting. People or our dreams or whether it's your acting career or something, it takes us off the thing that we want to be doing. And put our attention towards anger or the triggers or where we're being hurt.

• 33:19Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:19Lewis Howes?

  That's what I found because I've been really good at winning battles. In past relationships and friendships and intimate relationships. And then I feel like crap for days afterwards. And my energy goes towards feeling like crap as opposed to putting it towards something productive.

• 33:36Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 33:36Lewis Howes?

  Opposed to being positive or being a service towards other people or what I want to work towards. So I think that we've got, I've learned the hard way many, many times over and over, but that doesn't work. And I'm still trying to figure out the balance of how do I be honest and share how I'm feeling? Without it being destructive, like you said, and I think that is the ultimate test for so many of us.

• 33:55Speaker 01

  Oh, man, it's a huge, huge.

• 33:57Lewis Howes?

  Especially probably with kids and being married and.

• 34:01Speaker 01

  Oh, there's and, you know, lack of sleep or whatever the amount of environmental forces there was, I had. This is kind of comical at this point, but. There's so many kind of healers in Los Angeles, part of the reason I like, and there's some frauds, but there's a lot of super legit people here. And I went to this woman and I'll think of the name of the actual practice. Greenberg is, I believe, the name of it, but basically it's like, it's like energy moving through breath. But having been dealing with anger and not wanting it to be destructive. I was turning to this tool that a friend had recommended. And really it's like, if when you're feeling it. She's like, really pay attention to where it is, like in your gut and then.

• 34:44Speaker 01

  Just like you just like pretend you're pushing against the bill like you're trying to brink open a building and you just go, go, go, go, go, go until you can't and you're holding your breath and you're clenching and you're creating as much tension. And then you just take like and you just go, go, and you let it all out. You let all that tension go. And then you rethink about your problem again. And there was pretty profound.

• 35:10Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 35:10Speaker 01

  But it's really like, there's a physical thing that has to be released.

• 35:16Lewis Howes?

  Release it.

• 35:16Speaker 01

  Anger. And it's like I've air punched, you know, like even with a kid, like a kid like doing something, I'm like, and instead of like showing them, I'll walk around to the living room and it's like.

• 35:30Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 35:31Speaker 01

  Oh, just because I'm like trying to not, you know, become destructive. Yeah. But I hope that's more normal to people. I'm not like the Incredible Hulk or anything. It's just like. Hey, most people I talk to where it's just angry. Just angry.

• 35:52Lewis Howes?

  It's hard to be at peace 24/7.

• 35:55Speaker 01

  It's impossible. I mean, it's, you know, maybe, you know, the Buddha, who else? Maybe Jesus? I don't know.

• 36:02Lewis Howes?

  So you're, you're focusing on the where the tension and the anger, resentment, frustration is, it's either stomach, your chest, your throat, your head, wherever it is. And then you're putting your energy and your attention squeezing it.

• 36:13Speaker 01

  You're making it worse. So you try to like.

• 36:15Lewis Howes?

  Intensify.

• 36:16Speaker 01

  Intensify it and get it. Hold your breath.

• 36:19Lewis Howes?

  Until you're tired.

• 36:20Speaker 01

  Until you're like can't and you push it and then you, and then you just all your thing to let it go and start breathing like crazy. Huge breaths in, just like releasing it all. Look, sometimes it doesn't work. It did when I was working with her, it was working a lot better. I've tried it a couple times.

• 36:36Lewis Howes?

  It's not working.

• 36:36Speaker 01

  It's starting to fade.

• 36:37Lewis Howes?

  Now you're air punching the world.

• 36:39Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now I need a new. No, I mean, I don't know. I think. Yeah, I think anger is a big old mystery. Where it, you know, where it comes from and. I don't.

• 36:51Lewis Howes?

  It's useful and it's destructive at the same time.

• 36:53Speaker 01

  Like anything, yeah, it's not good or bad, it just is, so.

• 36:56Lewis Howes?

  What has been the, uh, the journey for you as an actor? You've been 15 years now acting, is that right, or more?

• 37:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think my first professional job is 2003, so 16 years.

• 37:05Lewis Howes?

  16 years?

• 37:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 37:06Lewis Howes?

  And what was that big break?

• 37:09Speaker 01

  I was selling knives in New York.

• 37:11Lewis Howes?

  Cutco knives?

• 37:12Speaker 01

  Cutco knives and, um, I was doing this very off, off, off Broadway play that a Fox executive came and saw, cause there was like, you know, some legit actors in it. And, uh, that got me a general meeting with Marsha Schulman, who was visiting New York for the upfronts, and I went in and sold her a studio set of knives. I was a very.

• 37:32Lewis Howes?

  Wait, the Fox executive?

• 37:34Speaker 01

  I came and I was like, I'd never, this is my first general meeting with anybody in the industry and I.

• 37:39Lewis Howes?

  You had a box of knives with you?

• 37:40Speaker 01

  I, no, I had, I had an order form in my book bag, cause I just was rolling, you know, I actually had them all. Yeah, yeah.

• 37:46Lewis Howes?

  You had your knives with you?

• 37:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 37:48Lewis Howes?

  Just take it to this acting meet, intro meeting?

• 37:50Speaker 01

  Yeah, cause I think I had a knife appointment after that or something. And so I was just like, what are, she's like, what are you up to? I'm like, I'm selling knives, I don't know if you asked me and I. And she bought a studio set, which is a great set, it's four knives, it's the spatula spreader, the petite carver. The super shears of course.

• 38:07Lewis Howes?

  How much is that?

• 38:08Speaker 01

  At least like 180 bucks.

• 38:10Lewis Howes?

  Oh, that's not much.

• 38:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, well.

• 38:11Lewis Howes?

  So you pitched it to her, you did a demo?

• 38:12Speaker 01

  This is 2003, you know.

• 38:14Lewis Howes?

  You did the demo?

• 38:16Speaker 01

  Yeah, I don't think I cut the penny or the rope, but I did, you know, I, I went for it and she was tickled pink. And so she not only bought the knives, she gave me what's called a holding deal, which is, um, pretty nuts, it's basically, they just pay you so that you don't go to another network.

• 38:30Lewis Howes?

  Shut up, so you don't go and act anywhere?

• 38:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, I got paid $75,000 to just be owned by Fox for six months.

• 38:39Lewis Howes?

  What?

• 38:40Speaker 01

  It was crazy and I had been, I was ma, you know, I was.

• 38:42Lewis Howes?

  You were making a hundred bucks a month?

• 38:44Speaker 01

  Things were about to get very interesting in about a month with money running out. So it was like a, I celebrated, I screamed, it was just amazing and then.

• 38:51Lewis Howes?

  On, in that meeting, she was like, I want to give you a deal, here's.

• 38:53Speaker 01

  Oh, I left and my agent goes, that, that meeting went well, they're offering you a holding deal.

• 38:58Lewis Howes?

  Just like that, they're like an hour?

• 39:00Speaker 01

  Yeah. And then it was absurd because I got flown out to LA, put in a town car, put up at the hotel that I can see from here, right by the Fox lot, and driven around to auditions by a driver.

• 39:14Lewis Howes?

  Shut up. How old were you?

• 39:15Speaker 01

  I was 23. And I was like, that was easy. That's like six months in New York. And then, like an idiot, all went to my head. Well, I was just like, that was so easy. The show got canceled. I got the show called Cracking Up, which was with Jason Schwartzman, Molly Shannon, Chris McDonald. Mike White wrote it, who's a big writer. Anyway, that got canceled. And I was like, oh, well, what's the next one gonna come on?

• 39:44Lewis Howes?

  Something else will come along, yeah.

• 39:45Speaker 01

  I'll just roll into these auditions, won't really prepare. I'm sure they'll get it, you know?

• 39:49Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 39:49Speaker 01

  Yeah, really kind of like lazy, non-respecting how competitive and hard it was because I really, it wasn't hard to get my break in a lot of ways, so.

• 40:00Lewis Howes?

  Isn't it almost that's the mentality you need to go in with, though? It's like, I don't need this, I don't want this, and almost give it to you for free? It's kind of like a swingers type of?

• 40:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, like, yeah.

• 40:09Lewis Howes?

  It's like if you act like you don't need this, like it's your life depends on it, then you're not needing, bringing that needy attention and energy, and they're gonna give it to someone who's actually more relaxed and more?

• 40:19Speaker 01

  That's such a tricky part of the business, because it's like the effort you put in, it doesn't pop out. It's like, it's this weird energetic soup where you, like, confidence and mental health and like belief, but, you know, if you work too hard on something, it can get stale. So there's this weird little mystery about rolling in and booking something. I mean, you want to be prepared and you want to, everyone should be working hard on their craft. Yeah.

• 40:48Lewis Howes?

  Did you, so did you start booking more stuff and on these auditions?

• 40:51Speaker 01

  Oh, I didn't work for like a year and a half. And I was like, all the money I made was gone. All of a sudden, my apartment in LA started having more roommates, and I was like, you know?

• 41:01Lewis Howes?

  Paying for rent, yeah.

• 41:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, because I was like, and then... Actually, I was about to leave the business. I had a girlfriend at the time who was not into the life. And I was like interviewing to become a banker.

• 41:12Lewis Howes?

  Shut up.

• 41:13Speaker 01

  I was beginning to set up because that's sort of the world I came from. And I was like, here's a stable income.

• 41:19Lewis Howes?

  You went to Brown, you did like?

• 41:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, I could get a job at like JP Morgan probably if I wanted to.

• 41:24Lewis Howes?

  So you're 25.

• 41:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, and then.

• 41:26Lewis Howes?

  You would go a year and a half, I'm not booking anything.

• 41:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, and I went, I moved to New York. I kind of like, I was like, I'm done.

• 41:33Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 41:33Speaker 01

  And as I moved to New York, I went into another audition for these Cullen Brothers, who were actually I'd done a pilot with. But I like, I just, I was supposed to be playing a thief, like a cool thief. And like, for whatever reason, I just rolled up in like an overfitted suit. Like, it was a terrible choice. And I just did it really weird and they were like.

• 41:55Lewis Howes?

  You're perfect for this.

• 41:56Speaker 01

  They were like, you're in. And I was like, what? And then that became a series. And it was like, it was like right when you're going, leaving, it got. And that kind of built this relationship with NBC that kind of went for many years.

• 42:08Lewis Howes?

  Wow, so you did a bunch of shows with NBC?

• 42:10Speaker 01

  A lot, yeah, I did like six series for them.

• 42:12Lewis Howes?

  Wow, I remember I had a conversation with, um, Max Greenfield. Do you know Max? Well, he was.

• 42:17Speaker 01

  He's a good buddy of mine.

• 42:19Lewis Howes?

  On the new.

• 42:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 42:20Lewis Howes?

  He was in the show with you. New Girl, and.

• 42:22Speaker 01

  The New Girl, I love that.

• 42:24Lewis Howes?

  New Girl, right?

• 42:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, New Girl, dude.

• 42:26Lewis Howes?

  We were, we did CrossFit together. I would see him at the gym every, every day.

• 42:30Speaker 01

  Oh, he's a CrossFit nut.

• 42:32Lewis Howes?

  Machine. And so, one day, and I would kind of compete with him. I knew he was a little competitive, so I'd be in the rower, go, let's go back, you know, I'd be competing. And he was like, who's this guy?

• 42:39Speaker 01

  The Urg.

• 42:40Lewis Howes?

  And then, um, one day I was just at Earth Bar, right near the CrossFit place. And I started talking to him. I go, hey, I got some questions for you. You got a few minutes? And he goes, yeah, sure. We talked for about 30 minutes. And I was like, tell me about your journey of being an actor. Was it, were you always like this big star and like have these hit shows? And he goes, I've been out here for 10 years.

• 42:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:00Lewis Howes?

  Freaking struggling.

• 43:01Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 43:01Lewis Howes?

  And not booking a thing.

• 43:04Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 43:04Lewis Howes?

  And every time I was gonna leave, something would pull me back in. Like, I'd get something small, that'd be paying me enough for the next two months, three months. And then I'd wait for six months and I'd get something small. And he's like, it took me 10 years to get like a role that actually paid me something.

• 43:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, he had a journey. He had a real grinder. I mean, and it's, he deserves everything.

• 43:25Lewis Howes?

  He's talented.

• 43:26Speaker 01

  Oh, he's so talented and funny.

• 43:28Lewis Howes?

  How long were you on this show, that, on New Girl for?

• 43:30Speaker 01

  I was, I came in season two as like a love interest. And then I got About a Boy, so I, that lasted two years. And then when About a Boy ended, they decided to bring my character back as to be like the final love for Zoe, like, and Jake Johnson's character, Nick, like, end up together. So I was sort of like, I would, you know, look, it's not official, but I would say I was like, of all of Zoe's love interests, I was, I was the deepest and closest

• 44:00Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 44:00Speaker 01

  to, to really working.

• 44:02Lewis Howes?

  That show did amazing. What was it, six seasons, seven?

• 44:04Speaker 01

  Seven, I think officially, and it lives on Netflix. And it's just, it's pretty extraordinary what that streaming is doing because it, like The Office and Friends being the most popular comedies on Netflix.

• 44:17Lewis Howes?

  Crazy.

• 44:18Speaker 01

  Right? So, so

• 44:19Lewis Howes?

  Still.

• 44:19Speaker 01

  So New Girl, I don't, I don't know the numbers, but my sense is from being out in the world and being recognized, that, that New Girl has tons of sort of cult followers who are always

• 44:30Lewis Howes?

  And you recognize the most from that or from?

• 44:32Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. I get About a Boy, or Bad Moms, or, um, So Fired Up is a cult classic people love, uh, and then some, always some weird ones, like, you know, just out of nowhere, you're like, damn, man. Perfect Couples was a series I did that has a lot of fans and then, um, Burlesque, I was Stanley Tucci's lover in that, so sometimes I get recognized.

• 44:57Lewis Howes?

  What's the best part about the acting business for you and what's the worst part?

• 45:01Speaker 01

  Oh, that's a good question. I think the best part is, um, not knowing where you're ever gonna be and that there's this kind of infinite possibility at all times in your life, that you can all of a sudden be attached to some project in a new city, you know? We got a call, my wife and I, for example, like, in late August, and it was like, do you want to do this movie in Chicago? And within 10 days, I had moved my family there, we were staying in this great house and exploring a new city with my kids and my wife in the same movie, and it was, I love that feeling of adventure and the fact that you can, that freedom we were talking about earlier, soaring, but the fact that it's achievable in a marriage is really amazing to me. And then, um,

• 45:44Speaker 01

  I think what I don't like is sort of tied to that is that you don't ever know where it works coming and and uh and also just the amount of waiting around time you do.

• 45:54Lewis Howes?

  It's so much waiting, right? You get you get this excitement, we're gonna launch this series and then you're waiting, what, three, six months until you start filming and then

• 46:01Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah.

• 46:03Lewis Howes?

  And then you're on set all day for like one scene.

• 46:05Speaker 01

  Yeah, and it's just a lot of just twiddling thumbs and so it's really paramount to have, if you're around fun with good people, then you're hanging. But I've yet, it's hard to be productive, you know, I've stirring other pots, so. I'd love to like just shadow Cruise one day, like on set, like to see how, or like one of these, or The Rock, or someone who's like acting, but like you know.

• 46:27Lewis Howes?

  Building an empire on the side.

• 46:29Speaker 01

  Yeah, you know his downtime, his operating, and I'm sure he's got a bevy as assistants and stuff, but like. Cause I love, I love that feeling of moving missions and projects forward and on set, you kind of, you get derailed really easily.

• 46:45Lewis Howes?

  You gotta focus on the craft in that moment.

• 46:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, and then, but then like, it's like, alright, for ten minutes, actually it's an hour, so it's like, you were, you were ready and then now you're, you have to stay ready for another hour and now you're doing, what are you doing to do that? You're probably just eating peanut M and M.

• 46:58Lewis Howes?

  Right, right.

• 46:59Speaker 01

  So, yeah.

• 47:00Lewis Howes?

  Who are the most inspiring actors in your mind, for you?

• 47:04Speaker 01

  Inspiring?

• 47:05Lewis Howes?

  Where you're like, man, these people are just.

• 47:07Speaker 01

  I, I actually, I'm gonna say it's Tom Cruise, man. Like, I, I just find his energy and zest and I note, like, perfect example, I'm sure he doesn't touch alcohol.

• 47:20Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 47:21Speaker 01

  Yeah, like, oh, it's just, he's like, he's just operating, he just seems clear in a way, not to sign, I'm a Scientologist in any way. And I really don't know anything about it, but I use clear for non Scientologists, it's like, people that don't have a ton of baggage.

• 47:36Lewis Howes?

  Clear is a Scientology term of like, getting clear.

• 47:38Speaker 01

  Yeah, but I don't want them to own that term, cause I think it's a great.

• 47:41Lewis Howes?

  Clear mind.

• 47:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, and you're clear and you're, and like you are, you're presenting who you are, you're present with people, you're respectful of people, you're not operating from a place of ego, you're operating from a place of, isn't this plague? Ground world insane and I get to play in it and Tom Cruise is playing in it on such a high level.

• 48:00Lewis Howes?

  He's a master of that.

• 48:01Speaker 01

  Literally like flying fighter jets and like

• 48:05Lewis Howes?

  Helicopters.

• 48:05Speaker 01

  Jerking out of airplanes, making huge spectacle movies that delight worldwide audiences. And then for stuff that I don't like, which is like the publicity stuff, which this is wonderful. But like doing a three minute clip on today's show is just like all stress, no substance kind of thing.

• 48:22Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 48:22Speaker 01

  Just being charming, you know, for three minutes. He does that like a, he just crushes it. And so, yeah.

• 48:28Lewis Howes?

  The three minute charm sessions, he's the master.

• 48:31Speaker 01

  Yeah. And I think at that level, they probably extend to 10 to 15 minutes. And now he's fun and the world is kind of like, he's just this relaxed little, you know, playground for him. So, yeah, he's, he's got an electricity that I find, I've never met him, but I really want to.

• 48:45Lewis Howes?

  What would you ask him if you met him, if you had three questions to ask him?

• 48:49Speaker 01

  Ooh, Cruise questions?

• 48:54Lewis Howes?

  Gosh, you could only ask him three.

• 48:56Speaker 01

  About that, I may have to send these in, yeah. I would ask him, I go, what do you think the number one way to get clear is?

• 49:05Lewis Howes?

  He'd say, well, right down the street. Good facility, yeah. But how to get clear, okay.

• 49:11Speaker 01

  No, I would, yeah, um, I would say, how would you, how do you deal with your fear?

• 49:16Lewis Howes?

  Do you think he has a lot of fears?

• 49:18Speaker 01

  I assume everyone does, and I assume that that's, I, I don't know, I don't know. And if he says he doesn't have fear anymore, I'd be like, okay.

• 49:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, I would want to know his, his morning routine, I think. And maybe, um, his type.

• 49:41Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 49:43Speaker 01

  No, that's just off the top of my head.

• 49:45Lewis Howes?

  Sure, sure. How do you, uh, how do you deal with your fear when you're going into?

• 49:50Speaker 01

  Ah, it's hard.

• 49:51Lewis Howes?

  A gig, a conversation.

• 49:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, uh, I'm really aware of it, you know, and, um.

• 49:57Lewis Howes?

  And what is the biggest fear?

• 50:01Speaker 01

  Being judged, being rejected, or being ju-- like having something I put out in the world judged and ridiculed.

• 50:09Lewis Howes?

  But don't you do that all the time with acting?

• 50:10Speaker 01

  It's weird. It's not the same. Like, I've started writing stuff and you put it out there and you go, "Oh," like, it's this terrible feeling. Like, I've actually created that. Acting, you're interpreting words.

• 50:22Lewis Howes?

  It's someone else's creation.

• 50:23Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:24Lewis Howes?

  That you're helping co-create.

• 50:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, and you kind of get a sense, like, "Look, I did it. I know I was somewhat real." So it's like now it's on them to, like, make it, you know, good. You know what I mean? It's like, "I'm doing the best I can with what I was given." And you can always blame it on someone else or whatever the writing or whatever. But when you create, like, if you create a business or something and it fails, like, that, yeah, it's a fear of... It's a huge thing and I'm, as that thing that, um, I think you say and even Jordan Peterson and Dax have all said, it's that thing of never comparing yourself to other people. It's comparing yourself to who you were yesterday. And I find that to be very powerful.

• 51:06Speaker 01

  And I'm proud of what I've done the last year because it's really overcoming my fear of putting... Getting vulnerable, putting myself out there to be rejected in other areas besides acting.

• 51:17Lewis Howes?

  What do you think is on the other side of rejection and judgment?

• 51:21Speaker 01

  Probably freedom, once you get it all. You know, I think, I think, I learned early in acting, people fear ego death more than actual physical death. So, humiliation.

• 51:31Lewis Howes?

  Really? People fear the ego death more than dying?

• 51:34Speaker 01

  That's, uh, there's been some studies and it's like, that's why public speaking makes people terrified and all those things. Like, getting up in front of people and taking risks or asking a dumb question in class, you know?

• 51:45Lewis Howes?

  What advice would you give to actors or anyone who's putting themselves out there on a stage in life,

• 51:53Lewis Howes?

  on how to overcome that? So it doesn't be the loudest voice in their head, but they can go through and kind of experience with more joy and...

• 52:02Speaker 01

  I think it's like anything, it's like just practicing doing it. So if it's, it's that, and I'm actually talking to myself because I have a deep fear of social media like I.

• 52:12Lewis Howes?

  You're never on there.

• 52:12Speaker 01

  I, I.

• 52:13Lewis Howes?

  Last post was like June or something.

• 52:15Speaker 01

  Makes me really uncomfortable.

• 52:17Lewis Howes?

  We're gonna do a post today.

• 52:18Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 52:19Lewis Howes?

  Together.

• 52:20Speaker 01

  Alright, and I'm like just got nervous. Yeah, I started scratching my rash. No, but yeah, I don't know what it is, man. I really.

• 52:29Lewis Howes?

  But you're an actor. You put yourself out there all the time.

• 52:31Speaker 01

  But I'm behind a film of someone else's work. It's, it's, you're, and it's a professional controlled environment and I know that the raw like to you is, is, I think I'm inherently private and I just, I'm so scared of being judged and not liked in some way. That maybe that's why social media makes me so uncomfortable. Cause like, you know, someone can be like, what a, you know, dumb post or look at you.

• 52:57Lewis Howes?

  I think everyone wants to be liked.

• 53:00Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah.

• 53:00Lewis Howes?

  I think everyone doesn't want the world to hate them. I don't think that's anyone's default. It's like, I'm gonna do this so people don't like me. I mean, you might have something off if you think that way, but most people want others to like them. I want people to like me. I get hurt when people say something nasty about me. But I think I'm also willing to put it myself out there because I believe in my mission more than I care about a few people judging me or saying nasty things like, those things will hurt and it will suck. But I'm just like, but this matters so much more. And if I put my energy towards my mission and I let my ego step aside and I focus on the people that are really close to me, that I care about, who love me no matter what.

• 53:42Lewis Howes?

  That's what helps me get through it. It still hurts me, it affects me, but it's like,

• 53:48Lewis Howes?

  I feel like the mission of trying to be in service and help people is, is more important than. My feelings of a few people not liking me.

• 53:56Speaker 01

  Yeah, and when you say that, I immediately go, well, I think my mission isn't quite clear enough to to to overcome my resistance to those social outlets, you know.

• 54:06Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 54:07Speaker 01

  And that if if I really believed in something specific, because it can be whatever you want it to be, but I'm not gonna like just talk about the eggs I'm making and stuff.

• 54:17Lewis Howes?

  I understand that.

• 54:17Speaker 01

  You know, I don't I don't have that instinct at all.

• 54:20Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 54:20Speaker 01

  And I and I don't really like getting out of moments. I like.

• 54:24Lewis Howes?

  Being present.

• 54:25Speaker 01

  Yeah, I I think like one of my favorite books is Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. And it's a it's a classic, but it's this idea of like God is in the fully present of anything you're doing. You can be washing a dish like almost like sacredly and there's and if you're doing it with quality with the intention of quality with a capital Q, that like somehow God lives there, that that's that's where the action is, the the purest form. There's a whole book about it. I don't know. It's a facet of it.

• 54:57Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah. There's a book called The Way of the Peaceful Warrior.

• 55:00Speaker 01

  Oh, that sounds good.

• 55:01Lewis Howes?

  By Dan Millman, which is there's a movie out of it, too. I'm more of a movie guy. But a powerful example of a an athlete with a big ego, an All-American gymnast, who breaks his leg, gets injured and can't can't perform in his sport anymore for a year or something. And that's his whole dream. And he meets this

• 55:22Lewis Howes?

  gas station attendant who he calls Socrates, who teaches him the lessons of being here and now. And this one activity you're working on, this moment, this washing of the floor is the thing. It's not the the dream of playing and being an All-American. It's the present moment is what really matters the most and finding the joy and the love in this moment.

• 55:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, and finding this idea of quality, like like.

• 55:51Lewis Howes?

  The capital Q.

• 55:52Speaker 01

  Yeah, and it's this thing of like, you know, everything has a story and an energy based on like, and you buy a terrible T-shirt that was made in a factory with terrible things.

• 56:02Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 56:02Speaker 01

  It may look good, but it's gonna do something to you, you know? And it's because there's there's there's. No, no, I love your T-shirts.

• 56:10Lewis Howes?

  These are made. Nikes are probably not in the best either.

• 56:12Speaker 01

  No, no, I mean, but that idea of that.

• 56:14Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, of course.

• 56:16Speaker 01

  That's why things that are made with quality and love like can have a profound impact on people and in the things you do even like when I know I'm in the zone it's when I'm doing the dishes and I'm like feeling the water and I'm gonna you know I'm gonna say like oh look at this this dish I'm thinking about the story of the dish and then I'm like what's the best what's a quality way of like honoring this dish getting it and there's like this it's like this dream to make everything you do almost sacred in a way like and I think when you watch you know there's this great uh what's that the Netflix documentary about eating chef's table

• 56:55Lewis Howes?

  Oh yeah

• 56:56Speaker 01

  And there's this amazing episode with a with a Korean monk who has a garden there and it's like everything she does is

• 57:04Lewis Howes?

  I saw this one yeah

• 57:05Speaker 01

  Yeah it's so good and it's like the most simple ingredients and chef's like how on earth does it taste like this it's just rice

• 57:11Lewis Howes?

  It's the love and the attention

• 57:13Speaker 01

  Yeah that's what I'm looking forward to I moved to Maine and I'm looking forward to that slowness and and cities have that energy and I think when you're just in a slow place you're able to kind of okay I can do the there's there's a four minute way of doing the dishes and then there's a 10 minute way that may teach me something you know and I don't know and we're just gonna experiment with it

• 57:34Lewis Howes?

  Powerful man I love it living the Maine life uh I want to respect your time because I know you gotta catch a flight soon um I have a couple of final questions this one's called the three truths

• 57:43Speaker 01

  Okay

• 57:44Lewis Howes?

  So imagine it's your last day on earth many years from now

• 57:47Speaker 01

  Okay

• 57:48Lewis Howes?

  You get to live as old as you want to live can be 100 500 it can be as old as you want to be but at one point you gotta die and you gotta take all of your work with you so all of your creations all of your the acting videos the movies they've all gotta go with you so no one has access to your content your businesses the information you've put out in the world they don't have access anymore you've taken it with you to the next world and you get to leave behind three things you know to be true from your entire life and all of your experiences all the lessons you've learned that you would want to pass on to your kids and the world and you get three things to share what would be your three truths

• 58:33Speaker 01

  Nothing is as it seems

• 58:37Speaker 01

  Everyone is hurt

• 58:39Lewis Howes?

  Everyone is hurt

• 58:40Speaker 01

  Yeah

• 58:43Speaker 01

  And don't, you know, don't be afraid to long hug.

• 58:50Lewis Howes?

  I love that. Yeah, that's a good, I mean, there's probably more to that.

• 58:53Speaker 01

  No, love, you know, I think fearless love is extremely, extremely powerful.

• 59:00Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 59:02Speaker 01

  And, you know, I'll feel, I don't know, you get in moods, I'll get in closed off moods where I don't really want to be around people. I know what it feels like to walk down the street anywhere and just like feel a sense of brotherhood with every, every human.

• 59:17Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 59:17Speaker 01

  I felt that, but I want it more because it's fleeting and it goes and so trying to churn, trying to figure out, you know, ways to kind of stay in that state, you know?

• 59:28Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 59:30Speaker 01

  But.

• 59:30Lewis Howes?

  That's powerful, man.

• 59:31Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 59:31Lewis Howes?

  Those are good truths. I want to acknowledge you David for your childlike joy and curiosity. You've got this joy about you and this, this childlike love. This whole time I'm experiencing with you and every time I've been around you. And on screen, you bring this type of like joy and childlike curiosity and love and fun and humility and wisdom to you. So I want to acknowledge you for all those gifts that you have.

• 59:59Speaker 01

  Oh, amazing. Thank you.

• 1:00:00Lewis Howes?

  And for, even though we've only hung out three times now, I feel like we're really becoming good friends with the long embraces.

• 1:00:07Speaker 01

  Yeah, that'll do it. It'll skip some steps.

• 1:00:09Lewis Howes?

  I know, right? So, um, congrats on everything, man. You're doing amazing work in the world. I know you've got a business you're launching. I don't know if you're allowed to share what that is. And if you've got other stuff where people can follow you online, where, where can they go to connect with you and?

• 1:00:25Speaker 01

  Oh, well, first, I, I, I mean it. I think, I think, uh, what you're putting out in the world and your intention and your mission is, is beautiful. It's a truly beautiful thing and. I think when you go and take everything, you'll have left a massive imprint on this place. And I think that's really powerful. But as far as, yeah, I've got some exciting things. It's actually kind of tied into some of the stuff I'm doing. But I'm curious about cues, the way people, it's really hard to unwind and to kind of feel relaxed and to rest. And I think people need physical things sometimes to do that. So I've created this bathrobe company.

• 1:01:09Speaker 01

  I have this bathrobe that's really, really lovely. And you put it on and it does that for me. It kind of just tricks me into just chilling and getting into a restorative place. And so it's an upgraded bathrobe, really.

• 1:01:23Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:23Speaker 01

  An essential that people sort of forgot they need.

• 1:01:26Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, most men don't wear bathrobes.

• 1:01:28Speaker 01

  Right, a lot. Depends on your age and, you know, things. So anyway, these bathrobes will be available around Christmas. And I'll say some stuff on my, it's just my name on Instagram and stuff. And at David Walton. And yeah, I'll have some more stuff as we launch this company. And if you want a nice bathrobe for Christmas, it's called The Perfect Bathrobe by Wakanichi.

• 1:01:48Lewis Howes?

  I like it, man. There you go. You'll have to post more on Instagram now.

• 1:01:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, I may have to go. I may have to.

• 1:01:53Lewis Howes?

  You in the bathroom.

• 1:01:54Speaker 01

  I may be coming to you for advice, actually.

• 1:01:56Lewis Howes?

  It's hot, man. And are there any new series or shows or movies or?

• 1:02:01Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, I just shot this movie called Later Days. It's kind of like a Breakfast Club, but everyone's 40. It's an independent film, so.

• 1:02:07Lewis Howes?

  That's cool.

• 1:02:08Speaker 01

  Hopefully in about a year, you can see it in the theaters. That's usually how long it takes.

• 1:02:13Lewis Howes?

  I know, it's annoying, right?

• 1:02:14Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:14Lewis Howes?

  Hurry up and wait, right?

• 1:02:15Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:16Lewis Howes?

  Amazing, man. I've got one final question for you.

• 1:02:19Speaker 01

  Sure.

• 1:02:19Lewis Howes?

  And it's what's your definition of greatness?

• 1:02:21Speaker 01

  Of greatness?

• 1:02:22Lewis Howes?

  Uh huh.

• 1:02:23Speaker 01

  I think it has to do with integrity. I think it has to do with knowing who you are, deciding how you're going to operate your life, the values, and then putting your money where your mouth is. To me, that's great. It can be small and no one can ever know about you. But if you're living with integrity, that's a super high standard.

• 1:02:43Lewis Howes?

  Hmm, there you go.

• 1:02:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:02:45Lewis Howes?

  David Walton, my man. Thanks, brother.

• 1:02:46Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 1:02:47Lewis Howes?

  Long time.

• 1:02:47Speaker 01

  Yeah, baby.

• 1:02:54Lewis Howes?

  Oh my friends, we can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. Don't be afraid of your own light. Don't be afraid of your own gifts. You might have some opportunities in front of you that seem like they're scary, that seem like they're challenging, that seem like, uh, what if you fail? But what if you succeed? What happens when you succeed? And you're able to inspire and help other people? You're able to get yourself out of this darker place that you're in right now? And really grow into the person you want to become? That's what's possible for you. Not living in a space of constant stress, anxiety, pain, frustration,

• 1:03:38Lewis Howes?

  overwhelm, uncertainty, that's not who you are and who you're supposed to be. I hope you really enjoyed this interview with David Walton. If you did, share it with a friend, LewisHowes.com/869. Just text one friend and say, "Hey, I love your thoughts on this interview. I thought it'd be powerful for you." Someone you think it might resonate with, send them a text and be a champion or a hero and help a friend today. Also, share it on Instagram stories. I like to connect over there the most. You can post it on Facebook and Twitter and tag David Walton as well. Let him know that you're listening, because I'm sure he would love to hear from you. We have some exciting, big interviews coming up. I'm so pumped that you're here.

• 1:04:22Lewis Howes?

  If this is your first time, please click that subscribe button on the Apple Podcast. Leave a review. Let us know what you thought about this. You can put a one star or a five star. It doesn't matter to me. We just want to serve you and help you at the highest level, increase and grow your life and improve your life and bring joy to your life. That's what this is all about, helping you unlock your inner greatness and become truly who you were born to become. So leave us a review. Write a message on Apple as well, review and tell us what we can do to make this better. What you enjoyed about this, how we can serve you specifically, what types of content you want. Let us know, we are here for you and we appreciate you. I hope you know that you are loved, I hope you know that you are worthy.

• 1:05:07Lewis Howes?

  I hope you know that you are enough. I love you so very much, I appreciate you for being here every single week. And as always, you know what time it is, it's time to go out there and do something great.