865 Gabby Bernstein on Healing Trauma and Spiritual Freedom

YOU ATTRACT WHAT YOU ARE. Sometimes to reach the next level in our lives, we must dig deeper. Often, we need to forgive ourselves. We still need to attend to wounds we thought were previously healed. You must show compassion to that inner child who experienced trauma. Replace negative thoughts with thoughts of love and compassion. That’s how we continue to grow and evolve. Our healing does not happen when we hide in the darkness. We must bring our issues into the light. It is a process we all go through. We must let go of the past and embrace our future. The road to recovery is a journey, not a destination. In today’s episode of The School of Greatness, I talk about forgiveness, mental health, and attraction with: Gabrielle Bernstein. Gabrielle Bernstein is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of The Universe Has Your Back, and has written five additional bestsellers. She has been on an international speaking circuit since 2004. She has presented lectures at Google, TEDxWomen, Oprah’s SuperSoul Sessions, The Chopra Center, The Omega Institute, L’Oréal, Philosophy, and The Huffington Post, among many other notable organizations. Gabrielle is a certified Kundalini yoga and meditation teacher. She is trained in the Emotional Freedom Technique, and she’s a student of Transcendental Meditation, as taught by the David Lynch Foundation. So get ready to learn how to become a Super Attractor on Episode 865. Some Questions I Ask: What is your advice for someone who is doing the work, but it’s not manifesting? (13:50) How do we recover fully from trauma? (19:00) What is the Choose Again method? (23:30) How do we appreciate and appreciate more? (35:20) What are the three biggest lessons from motherhood? (46:20) What is your greatest accomplishment? (54:00) How do you know if you are fully healed? (57:20) In This Episode You Will Learn: What to do about your fear of being judged. (11:00) Why you should decide to feel good (14:00) How you can make it through postpartum depression. (15:00) Why we have to eliminate the stigmas around mental illness (17:00) The importance of forgiveness. (19:00) How to attract joy into your life. (24:50) How to replace your negative thoughts. (25:45) The power of appreciation and gratitude. (33:00) The difference between spirit guides and intuition. (39:00) If you enjoyed this episode, check out the video, show notes, more at https://www.lewishowes.com/865, and follow me on instagram.com/lewishowes Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Lewis Howes?

  This is episode number 865 with number one New York Times bestselling author Gabby Bernstein.

• 0:10Lewis Howes?

  Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 0:35Lewis Howes?

  The inspirational Fred Rogers said, "Anything that's human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable." When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone. If you're a big fan of Mr. Rogers, like I was, and you enjoyed his constant message to help you feel more at home, to allow you to understand and talk about those feelings that seemed scary, seemed messy, seemed shameful,

• 1:17Lewis Howes?

  then you're going to love this episode. Gabby Bernstein is a dear friend, is the number one New York Times bestselling author of six books, and an international speaker, and Spirit Junkie. She's spoken on Oprah's stage at her Super Soul Sessions and was named as a new thought leader on Oprah's Super Soul Sunday, where she was included in the Oprah Winfrey Network in their Super Soul 100. She has presented lectures at Google, TEDxWomen, the Chopra Center, the Omega Institute.

• 1:51Lewis Howes?

  L'Oreal Philosophy and The Huffington Post and many others. Gabby appears regularly as an expert on The Dr. Oz Show and Mashable included Gabby in its list of 11 must-follow Twitter accounts for inspiration. And her latest book will blow you away. I've been diving in and loving it. It's called Super Attractor. And Gabby lays out essential methods for manifesting a life beyond your wildest dreams. Super Attractor is out right now. And in this episode, we talk about why people feel they need to constantly defend themselves. Man, I have been there in my past, especially when you feel unjustly attacked, right? We want to defend ourselves.

• 2:32Lewis Howes?

  Gabby's personal struggle with postpartum depression and how it's drawn her to working with new mothers. The power of having gratitude for life's challenges. The differences between having spiritual guides and intuition. The biggest lessons she's learned from motherhood and her important advice for young women. This one is powerful. And Gabby opens up about some very, very personal intimate things in this episode. So please be aware and share her some love when you listen to it and you hear what she's talking about. Feel free to spread the message. Have other women who you think might be going through similar challenges, listen to this episode as well.

• 3:15Lewis Howes?

  You can just send them the direct link on Apple Podcasts or Spotify or wherever you're listening to this, or you can send them to lewishouse.com/865 and have them connect with you on this message. Be a champion in another person's life today by sending them this episode. And without further ado, let's dive into this episode with the one and only Gabby Bernstein.

• 3:41Lewis Howes?

  Welcome back everyone to the School of Greatness Podcast. We've got my dear friend Gabby Bernstein in the house. I'm so glad you're here. It's amazing to see you. Congrats on all the success. It's incredible. Thank you. You've got this book out called Super Attractor. Methods for Manifesting a Life Beyond Your Wildest Dreams. I'm telling you, I think this is your best work.

• 4:01Gabby Bernstein?

  A lot of people are saying that and I like I wrote I wrote my book The Universe Has Your Back and it helped a lot of people and so I was scared when I put this out I was like because this is kind of a sequel it's the kind of the next step to the universe and I was nervous because I was thinking oh no are people gonna have the same heartfelt experience with this book as they had with the universe and they've said it's better

• 4:22Lewis Howes?

  It's amazing, yeah

• 4:22Gabby Bernstein?

  So I'm very pleased

• 4:24Lewis Howes?

  Now you had a an email that you wrote a few days ago that I saw

• 4:27Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah

• 4:28Lewis Howes?

  That I thought was really interesting

• 4:29Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah

• 4:30Lewis Howes?

  That you wrote this email It was about how you apologized to your audience for essentially not being present on a book tour that you're on for being disconnected

• 4:41Gabby Bernstein?

  Well during the book signing, yeah

• 4:42Lewis Howes?

  During the book signing And I'm not sure what went down I read the email and I was like wow that's really powerful

• 4:46Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah

• 4:46Lewis Howes?

  And I'm assuming that you got some negative feedback from your super fans who showed up

• 4:51Gabby Bernstein?

  Right

• 4:52Lewis Howes?

  And what happened?

• 4:52Gabby Bernstein?

  So a lot more people showed up than we expected

• 4:55Lewis Howes?

  A lot more?

• 4:56Gabby Bernstein?

  Yes, yes and I didn't have enough volunteers It was our first event, we were kind of off the rails It was off the rails And I can only be the one that's like you know at the end of the day it's my business I can't blame anybody else You know it's my it's my face on the book, right? So we didn't have enough books for people People about 400 people didn't get their books or maybe 200 people didn't get their books we had to send them later I actually don't even need to get into the details because the details don't matter Because of that chaos I felt out of control And that's a trigger for me

• 5:25Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm

• 5:26Gabby Bernstein?

  And you know we talked a lot about these triggers

• 5:28Lewis Howes?

  Scorpios need to be in control?

• 5:29Gabby Bernstein?

  Scorpio But even just my my history like

• 5:33Lewis Howes?

  Addictive personality, history, everything, yeah

• 5:35Gabby Bernstein?

  You know, trauma and the history like I don't feel safe when I'm feeling very out of control And so there's tons of people coming at me and my team is not doing the moves that they need to do to keep it organized So I kind of just like you know just just kind of got up and was like okay guys we have to move this along and like I wasn't the teacher that they came to see in that moment And you know somebody might have been like okay she's tired But in my in a few cases people were like that's not right This is I drove here five hours to be with you and I wanted my fit my photo and I wanted to you know have a moment with you and And the thing is, I woke up that morning feeling so hung over. Because I was like, wait, the only reason I do this is to make people feel good. Is to help people feel good.

• 6:18Gabby Bernstein?

  And so even if I'm having a human experience, I can do that with grace, right? I can say, yeah, guys, it's getting chaotic here, but you know, how can we work it out? So anyway, I did what I, I've been in recovery for 14 years. So I have a good program of owning my side of the street.

• 6:37Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 6:37Gabby Bernstein?

  So I was like, I just gave everybody a lot of excuses for why this happened. But the real big thing was to not make any excuses, right? So in that blog, I just said, this isn't my highest self. And I apologize. And I promise to make it up to all of you and look you all in the eye. And honor every book I ever signed for the rest of my life. And the beauty of that was not that people responded so beautifully and, you know, were grateful for that message, but that since that day, I've had many book signings. And I've had really nice intimate moments with people, even if it's for a split second, because I'm making sure that I look everyone in the eye.

• 7:14Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 7:15Gabby Bernstein?

  And there's been plenty of book signings over the last 15 years that I have looked people in the eye and prayed with them and held them. But you know, there's human moments when you fall off the rails.

• 7:25Lewis Howes?

  I hear you.

• 7:26Gabby Bernstein?

  But it was good. I said to my team, I was like, I won't actually be able to move forward if I ignore this. I have to apologize.

• 7:33Lewis Howes?

  Wow. Did it affect that many people in your mind? It wasn't just like one or two?

• 7:37Gabby Bernstein?

  No, maybe like 15, 20 people actually saw that like moment of attitude. But it was, and then you know, the people that didn't get their books. And there was disappointment all around. But from my end of the street, that even if it was two people that were, only two people emailed in about it, but it was enough for me to apologize.

• 7:53Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, that's good that you were able to see and be responsible for what you want to create and also be the example. And not just say, I'm better than you do. I've got more better things to do.

• 8:03Gabby Bernstein?

  No, it's like, we apologize. And then I allowed that to be a blog where I could say, this is how I apologize. And maybe that will serve you too.

• 8:10Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 8:10Gabby Bernstein?

  And the biggest thing is to not make excuses, even though I made a bunch of excuses just now.

• 8:15Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 8:15Gabby Bernstein?

  But you know, we want to defend ourselves when we've done something wrong.

• 8:18Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 8:18Gabby Bernstein?

  And we want to.

• 8:19Lewis Howes?

  I hear you.

• 8:20Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah. And honestly, the best thing to do is just be like, no, I'm wrong.

• 8:24Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 8:24Gabby Bernstein?

  And yeah, maybe other people are involved, but I'll own my side of the street. I'll own my part here.

• 8:29Lewis Howes?

  I love that.

• 8:30Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah.

• 8:31Lewis Howes?

  Uh, why do we want to defend ourselves so badly when we feel like someone has tried to wrong us? Or someone has tried to fight against us, or say nasty things?

• 8:40Gabby Bernstein?

  Right, right, well.

• 8:42Lewis Howes?

  They don't see the full picture.

• 8:44Gabby Bernstein?

  There's many reasons. I think that we want to, we protect ourselves at all costs, no matter what. Because there's fear of being taken advantage of, fear of being not good enough, fear of not, of being seen in a bad light, fear of being judged. It's just, it's just such a, probably one of the greatest fears we have is a fear of being judged, right? So, when somebody calls us out on our [BLEEP], there might be an immediate reaction of defensiveness because we're ashamed to look at that truth. And then also, if somebody calls us out on something that isn't true, then there's just this feeling of injustice.

• 9:22Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, it's not fair or whatever.

• 9:23Gabby Bernstein?

  But it's being centered enough with, with the self-love, truly, to be able to sit there and say, "I'm gonna own my side of the street, I'm gonna take care of this, or this isn't correct, and I'm just not gonna respond." So you have to know, and you have to know the difference when to respond and when not to respond. Because if you are really in the wrong, respond with humility and apologize.

• 9:47Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 9:48Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah.

• 9:49Lewis Howes?

  Do you think the biggest thing that holds people back from attracting what they want is a lack of confidence, is a lack of getting out of their own way? Because you have these different steps of attracting what you want. Is it a lack of confidence? Is it forcing too much? You say people are forcing so much.

• 10:06Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah, there's a few different examples I give in the book. There's the pusher, right? So the person that thinks that if I don't do it, it won't happen. If I'm not forcing it, if I'm not pushing it, if I'm not trying to make it happen, it won't happen. I'm a former pusher. You, you saw me. I mean, we've, we go back many years.

• 10:21Lewis Howes?

  Me too, yeah.

• 10:22Gabby Bernstein?

  But you know, when you, before I, I mean, this must have been five years ago that we did an interview, and it was before I really understood why I was so in control, why I was needing to be, because I hadn't remembered my trauma and I had, you know, I was living in fight or flight. I was an extreme pusher. And in that energy, we may be able to create some successes, but we will never have that life that is what we truly want.

• 10:49Lewis Howes?

  Fulfillment, inner peace.

• 10:50Gabby Bernstein?

  And we block bigger stuff, too. We block bigger stuff. We block it because our energy is just so frenetic. There's also the person who's like the manic manifester, who is very, a lot of my audience can identify with this. They're like, you know, reading all the books, you know, reading, watching Lewis Howes, watching this, you know, doing this meditation every single day. And they're just like, why am I not manifesting? Why am I not manifesting? But it's because they've made their spiritual practice another form of addiction. It's a big one.

• 11:18Lewis Howes?

  So how do we, so if someone's doing the steps, when they're a manic manifester, but they're not attracting what they want, what is the thing that they need to let go of the most? If they are doing the habits and they are doing the steps and they are following your work.

• 11:30Gabby Bernstein?

  You just said it, they just need to let go. It's like you can practice these principles, but not because you think you're going to get something. You have to practice these principles so that you feel good. And this isn't actually a book on how to get things, though it sounds like it. It's a book on how to feel good.

• 11:44Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 11:44Gabby Bernstein?

  Because when we feel good, we're super attractors.

• 11:46Lewis Howes?

  We attract more, yeah.

• 11:47Gabby Bernstein?

  Super attractor.

• 11:48Lewis Howes?

  So how do we feel good? If we're not feeling good? If we're feeling stuck? If we're not getting what we want? We're in the toxic relationship? We're unhealthy? Like, it seems so easy, just start feeling good, but...

• 11:58Gabby Bernstein?

  No, it's a whole book on steps two. But the first thing I say in the book, which is going to sound a little alarming to people, but is the first step to feeling good is to decide to stop feeling bad. Now.

• 12:11Lewis Howes?

  How do we decide?

• 12:12Gabby Bernstein?

  A lot of people out there watching are like, I'm depressed, I'm broke, you know.

• 12:15Lewis Howes?

  I'm on medication.

• 12:16Gabby Bernstein?

  I'm on medication, I can't, you know, I don't, how could I decide to stop feeling bad? Well, I am very proud to say I can speak to this very authentically. As you may have known, I had postpartum depression and anxiety and insomnia and I'm like about five months into recovery from that. And... At my darkest moment, you know, Mother's Day, I said I wanted to kill myself.

• 12:35Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 12:36Gabby Bernstein?

  Yep, yep.

• 12:37Lewis Howes?

  Holy cow.

• 12:38Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah, no, it was, it was the darkest. I've had a lot of dark moments in my life. This is the darkest, darkest moment of my life.

• 12:44Lewis Howes?

  When having a child was something you wrote about as like a dream of yours.

• 12:46Gabby Bernstein?

  It's a biochemical issue that happens to far more women than, than are actually properly diagnosed with it. A lot of people think, oh, I'm just anxious because I'm a new mom. No, you're having a biochemical response to birth.

• 13:00Lewis Howes?

  Why do women have that?

• 13:02Gabby Bernstein?

  Your brain chemistry changes after you, after you, and it's in the, it's in the months postpartum. So that's what they call it, postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety. You know, they look out for it for the, within the first six weeks to see if you have symptoms. And whenever you go to a pediatrician, it'll say, you know, you'll ask the mom questions. How are you feeling? Are you sleeping? All these things. Because they're looking for it. I was fine for about two, three months and then I went, I, I, my son was sleeping through the night. I was having panic attacks all day, panic attacks through the night. You know how social I am? I couldn't sit in the front seat of a car with somebody. I had to sit in the backseat. I would go to parties and cry. I was agoraphobic. I was, and I really hit bottom when I, when I missed an event. Like I've never missed an event.

• 13:44Lewis Howes?

  Your own event or?

• 13:45Gabby Bernstein?

  I did, to give a talk and I didn't go because I hadn't slept in two weeks. And the night before I didn't sleep one, one minute. And I woke up that morning and I was like, I've never missed an event in 15 years and I gotta do something about this. And so then I got in touch with the psychiatrist. I went on antidepressants.

• 14:05Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 14:06Gabby Bernstein?

  Yep. Seven self-help books, right? And like here I am, I'm going. And I had to, it saved my life. I would have died. I would have, I would have killed myself.

• 14:13Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 14:13Gabby Bernstein?

  A hundred percent.

• 14:14Lewis Howes?

  It was just that much of a chemical?

• 14:16Gabby Bernstein?

  I can't say that I would have killed myself because someone would have intervened before that happened, which, which is exactly what happened. My therapist intervened. She's like, your tools aren't working. I was in two therapy sessions a week. I was talking to sleep doctors. I was.

• 14:29Lewis Howes?

  Yoga, meditation.

• 14:30Gabby Bernstein?

  Meditation, yoga, melatonin, like everything. It wasn't working. And that's when my therapist was like, you have to have medical intervention.

• 14:38Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 14:39Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah. And, and I, and I'm talking about the medication a lot because I feel like in our world, it's so frowned upon, but there's a place for everything. You know, if you had a heart condition, you would take blood thinners without a shadow of a doubt, right? Someone's like, you will die if you don't take this. Well, why not with mental illness? Right? And of course, these things are so over prescribed. And I want to really acknowledge that. I don't think people should just take meds because they're sad. You know, but if you're depressed, if you are suicidal, if you are having insomnia and panic attacks, there's a time and season for that kind of support. But the biggest thing is, when you get that support, what are you gonna do with it? And so when my therapist said to me, my psychiatrist said to me, "This will give you an opportunity to do the deep work that you've been too afraid to do."

• 15:23Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 15:24Gabby Bernstein?

  So I've never felt more free in my life, and more happy, and serene, and centered in my life, than after having gone through postpartum depression. Because, you know, being on the support of the medication, the psychiatric help, I was able to beat a baseline where I could go and do incredibly deep trauma healing work.

• 15:45Lewis Howes?

  What did you do? What was that?

• 15:46Gabby Bernstein?

  Doing EMDR.

• 15:47Lewis Howes?

  I hear that's amazing.

• 15:48Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah, it's exceptional. I recommend it to everyone, yeah. And I'm going into the trauma, and I'm, literally, my body is like excavating it, yes.

• 15:56Lewis Howes?

  Didn't you have a lot of, I mean, you've been doing this work for 15 years on yourself. You've been doing trauma healing, you've been doing therapy healing, you've been releasing the past pains, wounds, all these things for years. So are you telling me that they haven't gone away? If you did the healing for 10, 15 years, it's still there?

• 16:13Gabby Bernstein?

  No, I said to my psychiatrist, "I don't think that 99% of people actually recover from trauma." And she said 99.9%.

• 16:20Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 16:20Gabby Bernstein?

  And so it's my mission to recover first, and be fully recovered, and be completely free from it. And then write books about it and teach people and help people really know a pathway to recovery.

• 16:32Lewis Howes?

  How do we recover fully, where it's like you're the .01%? How does that?

• 16:37Gabby Bernstein?

  I think recovery looks like, to me, recovery looks like forgiveness. Recovery looks like you're no longer triggered. Recovery looks like the reactivity, the fight or flight, the freeze, the ways that we respond because of the trauma are gone. They'll be, they're released.

• 16:56Lewis Howes?

  Man, I'm not healed then.

• 16:57Gabby Bernstein?

  No, no, and, and, and, nor am I, I am, but I will tell you, I'm much closer.

• 17:02Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 17:03Gabby Bernstein?

  I'm so much closer, like, like, little things will, you know, little feeling out of control, like at the book signing, that was my trauma response. But I didn't justify it. You know, I got myself out of it fast.

• 17:16Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 17:17Gabby Bernstein?

  Within 10 minutes of being in that space, I got into a different space, but, you know, I'd affected 20 people, right?

• 17:22Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 17:22Gabby Bernstein?

  So, it's, you know, it's, um, it's something that it becomes easier and easier to move out of, the more you, and then through EMDR, you could actually walk out of an EMDR session just new, like, in a moment, be like, that's clear.

• 17:37Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 17:37Gabby Bernstein?

  That's clear.

• 17:38Lewis Howes?

  And not be triggered by it again.

• 17:40Gabby Bernstein?

  Yes, that's right.

• 17:41Lewis Howes?

  That's powerful.

• 17:42Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah.

• 17:42Lewis Howes?

  I feel like we, I feel like our healing process, and correct me if I'm wrong, my experience is, our healing process goes through waves.

• 17:48Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah, it does, 100%.

• 17:50Lewis Howes?

  Where I was very triggered for 25 years of my life from my traumas, my own personal traumas, always triggered. I was always a happy person, but I was triggered when it would hit the button, right?

• 18:01Gabby Bernstein?

  You were protective of yourself.

• 18:02Lewis Howes?

  When the button would happen, it was like, I wanted to kill someone.

• 18:05Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah, cuz.

• 18:06Lewis Howes?

  That was my defense mechanism.

• 18:07Gabby Bernstein?

  And it's normal.

• 18:08Lewis Howes?

  Then I had multiple breakdowns in my life, which I've talked about in my books and on the podcast, where it was like the perfect storm of breakdowns, probably something similar where you're like, okay, a perfect storm for you, where you wanted to have thoughts about killing yourself.

• 18:23Lewis Howes?

  And I finally had intervention with my best friend, who was like, I don't want to hang out with you anymore, if you continue to be this way.

• 18:28Gabby Bernstein?

  Right.

• 18:29Lewis Howes?

  You're so reactive, you're so negative, and when these things happen, like, why are you so reactive?

• 18:33Gabby Bernstein?

  Mm-hmm.

• 18:34Lewis Howes?

  Nothing's happening.

• 18:35Gabby Bernstein?

  Mm-hmm.

• 18:35Lewis Howes?

  You know, it's not like someone's trying to kill you, someone just said something, and you were so reactive. And that's when I said, okay, I need to start doing some work on myself.

• 18:43Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah.

• 18:43Lewis Howes?

  And that's when I opened up about sexual abuse and other traumas I went through as a kid, and started the process of healing.

• 18:49Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah.

• 18:50Lewis Howes?

  Through following your work of acknowledging it, speaking the truth into existence, you know, not having any secrets stuck in my chest.

• 18:56Gabby Bernstein?

  100%, even just saying out loud, I've been sexually abused, I, I, I said that in the New York Times.

• 19:01Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 19:01Gabby Bernstein?

  You know what I mean, the most recently? And I had so much shame about that article coming out, I was like, oh my God, but it was, but.

• 19:10Lewis Howes?

  Freedom, though.

• 19:10Gabby Bernstein?

  But then, after being so, rather than just saying, oh, I have childhood trauma, I have been sexually abused, like, saying that. Releases the shame.

• 19:20Lewis Howes?

  Right. It's scary.

• 19:21Gabby Bernstein?

  If anyone's listening, don't say it until you're ready to say it. Because if you're still holding all that shame, it will, people will feel that shame in your experience.

• 19:30Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, and I had a great, you know, kind of group therapy experience where I talked about it in a safe environment. Then I talked about it with family, then friends, then I started, it was a process.

• 19:39Gabby Bernstein?

  It's a process, it's a process.

• 19:40Lewis Howes?

  It's a process and a journey.

• 19:41Gabby Bernstein?

  The thing I was saying earlier was like, okay, when we're feeling like we want to feel better, we have to decide to stop feeling bad. And so I was using the postpartum example because here I was suicidal, totally insomniac, right? Like I was just.

• 19:55Lewis Howes?

  Stressed, worried.

• 19:57Gabby Bernstein?

  Annihilated. And there was no tool that was working. I, none of my books would have made, been relevant to me in that moment.

• 20:06Lewis Howes?

  Medication was the way.

• 20:07Gabby Bernstein?

  The only way, the only way. And there's definitely a time and a place. There was the only way. If I hadn't taken the medication, I would not be sitting with you right now. Anyway, the point is, is that, that I had to decide to feel better. And so every single day when I would wake up, once I knew I had a diagnosis and once I was on a healing path, I was every single day, it took me months to get to a stable baseline, months. But I was still struggling, but every single day I would say, okay, maybe I slept one more hour today. Or I'm going to celebrate that I work for myself and I don't have to go into an office having not slept last night. And just leaning into these small, minor things that I could celebrate that were my choice to not feel bad.

• 20:47Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 20:48Gabby Bernstein?

  And as I leaned in, leaned in, leaned in, leaned in, it became more of my reality. And that's what I write about in the book. There's a whole method in the book called the choose again method.

• 20:56Lewis Howes?

  Choose again.

• 20:57Gabby Bernstein?

  Choose again.

• 20:58Lewis Howes?

  Choose again what?

• 20:59Gabby Bernstein?

  When you notice that you're in that story and that trauma of your negativity, fear, judgment attack that's making you feel bad, notice it. Notice the thought right away. And then you say, how is this thought making me feel? That's step one. Notice the thought and how is it making me feel? And the second step is to forgive yourself for having the thought.

• 21:19Lewis Howes?

  Hmm, not beating yourself up. Why am I, I used to do this all my life.

• 21:22Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah.

• 21:22Lewis Howes?

  I'm such an idiot. Why am I so stupid? Why can't I figure this out? What is wrong with me? That was my pattern for years.

• 21:28Gabby Bernstein?

  I know, I know.

• 21:30Lewis Howes?

  So how do we get out of that?

• 21:31Gabby Bernstein?

  Forgive yourself for having the thought. Forgive the thought. If you can't forgive yourself for having thought, because that just feels too heavy for you, just forgive the thought. Like, okay, that's, that's that thought again. That's from my childhood trauma. That's from my, you know, my fear of this. That's from whatever. There it is again. And then the third step is to start to proactively choose again. And this is where we begin to reach for the next best feeling thought. We reach for, this is very influenced by Abraham Hicks, which is, you know, mentioned 23 times in that book.

• 21:57Lewis Howes?

  What was it called? Like the purge of appreciation or something?

• 21:59Gabby Bernstein?

  They do the rampage of appreciation.

• 22:01Lewis Howes?

  Rampage of appreciation, yeah.

• 22:02Gabby Bernstein?

  So when you're going to choose again in that third step, you're going to reach for a thought that you believe in, so.

• 22:08Lewis Howes?

  What if you don't believe in any good thoughts?

• 22:09Gabby Bernstein?

  You, you have, you have a thought that could be better. And here's, here's what it could be. It could be, I can turn on Lewis Howes's podcast right now and that might make me feel better. That, that's, that's a thought.

• 22:20Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 22:21Gabby Bernstein?

  Right? Or I have that book that I could open a page to and maybe it'll give me inspiration. Or, you know, just something as simple as like, I'm going to go for a walk for five minutes. That might make me feel better, right? So, and then you keep going. You keep reaching for it. So you reach for the thought, I'm going to go for a walk. I'm going to let myself feel better. Then you go, you know, you go for that walk and I'm going to just listen to some music because that music might make me feel better. Or the next thought could be, I actually have dinner tonight with my friends, so that will be great and I can bring myself to that. And I've been doing this the whole week. I've been on a big book tour. I've traveled with my family and just little moments of, of chaos occur, right?

• 22:58Lewis Howes?

  Lots of moments for you right now.

• 23:00Gabby Bernstein?

  Lots of moments of chaos. No, actually, no, I'm not attracting too much chaos. I'm pretty, I'm chill, man. I am a super attractor. I am doing great. Yes, I am great. But little things like my credit card got stolen and I'm on the phone with the credit card company and I'm, I'm trying to get out of the hotel with my son and I have a nanny with me. So like my nanny's like, uh-oh, the baby pooped, you know? And I'm on the phone with my nanny. Credit card company and there's no Uber in Santa Fe and the baby's pooped and you're just like, you know, these moments. And so I started going into the, I'm out of control, but I'm freaking out. And so I notice it really quickly now. I witnessed the thought. I forgive myself for acting out and being rude to the woman at the credit card company. And then I choose again. Okay, let's change the poopy diaper. Let's get in the car.

• 23:43Lewis Howes?

  Have fun at this moment.

• 23:44Gabby Bernstein?

  Yes, I could have carried that negative thing all the way down to Santa Fe and having lunch, but I decided to turn it around quickly.

• 23:50Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 23:50Gabby Bernstein?

  And that's how we can, we can start to live like that.

• 23:52Lewis Howes?

  You talk, you talk about, you know, attracting is fun, making it fun, making the chaos fun. Like, okay, everything's in breakdown and my life is crazy. Like, let's have fun with this.

• 24:00Gabby Bernstein?

  Yes, yes, yes.

• 24:01Lewis Howes?

  And by being fun, by being joy, by being the feeling of good, you're going to attract more good and more joy.

• 24:07Gabby Bernstein?

  One hundred percent.

• 24:09Lewis Howes?

  But by, by focusing on chaos, stress, I'm out of control, I'm anxious, it's not working the way I wanted to. It's going to continue to not work the way it wanted to.

• 24:16Gabby Bernstein?

  We attract what we are.

• 24:17Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 24:18Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah. Not what we think we need or what we want.

• 24:21Lewis Howes?

  More stress if we're a stress constant.

• 24:22Gabby Bernstein?

  One hundred percent.

• 24:24Lewis Howes?

  Now, I'm curious, you had written the book before you had your child, your son, right?

• 24:30Gabby Bernstein?

  I wrote the book while I was pregnant, yeah.

• 24:32Lewis Howes?

  While you were pregnant. And it was complete and then you knew that you had this book tour coming out. And yet you had thoughts of suicide and you had thoughts of anxiety and stress and overwhelm.

• 24:41Gabby Bernstein?

  God's timing is great because, no, but God's timing is great because I, when I was going through that dark moment, I had enough runway to get my, get back on my feet before my book launch and everything.

• 24:52Lewis Howes?

  Wasn't like two weeks ago, this all happened?

• 24:54Gabby Bernstein?

  No, and had it been, I wouldn't, I wouldn't have been able to do it.

• 24:57Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 24:57Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah, no, I wouldn't have been able to do it.

• 24:59Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 24:59Gabby Bernstein?

  I had a runway. I was in a good place.

• 25:01Lewis Howes?

  So Wendy, here's the funny thing, interesting. You talked about the stigma around medicine and about antidepressants and these different things that people use. And Carson Daly, he came out on the interview with Jay Shetty on Today Show, I guess a few days ago, said, you know, I was on anti, I'm on antidepressants or I was on them for years and I felt the shame around them. But they really saved my life.

• 25:23Gabby Bernstein?

  That's right.

• 25:24Lewis Howes?

  They gave me stability. They helped me have focus.

• 25:26Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah.

• 25:27Lewis Howes?

  I grew up in a, with a father that didn't believe in medicine because he believed in. And spiritual healing and the power of the mind and healing ourself with our own thoughts. And my grandfather, his dad, would always say, yes, I believe in that, but I believe in common sense and like, take medicine when you need to.

• 25:44Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah, God works through medication. God works through doctors. I think that we have to see them, the medication, as like a special agent, as of course miracles that you.

• 25:52Lewis Howes?

  It's a tool.

• 25:53Gabby Bernstein?

  It's a tool. It's even a perceptual shift, right? The day that I picked up, I'd never, I was brought up homeopathic, so I had never fulfilled a prescription before I went to go get that.

• 26:03Lewis Howes?

  So what was that like? Did you feel shame getting in or did you feel like I needed this?

• 26:06Gabby Bernstein?

  I was so grateful for something that would give me relief. I ran there. I ran there. And that night, I went to the, I remember I went to Duane Re with my husband. He went with me. I was like, how do I even get to there? They're like, give us the prescription. We will give you the medication. I was like, is it covered by my insurance? They're like, yes, you pay for insurance. You're good. So it was like this crazy moment. And then I hadn't even taken the pill yet, because I would have to take it the next morning. And I was at dinner with my husband. All of a sudden, I was like this happy, amazing person, because I was just so grateful that there was something that was going to help me.

• 26:36Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 26:36Gabby Bernstein?

  Right? And I don't think anyone, when they're in dark suffering and a life-threatening situation, would in any way deny the support.

• 26:45Lewis Howes?

  Of course. I think we should all learn as a society and to not shame people if they're on some type of medication. I think it's when they're.

• 26:51Gabby Bernstein?

  I was part of the stigma. I was out there being, telling people that would come to me in my talks and say.

• 26:55Lewis Howes?

  You don't need this.

• 26:56Gabby Bernstein?

  I wouldn't say you don't need this. I never, ever would say that. I would say, go to your, get your therapeutic support. But I would say, but meditate, meditate, meditate. And I didn't understand that when you're having a real mental health condition, where you are so, so, so out there to the point of suicide, that meditation won't work. It will work once you get back into a place of stability. It will work in the sense that if you pray, you'll be guided. But when you're in that chaos, you, there is no stillness. And so.

• 27:28Gabby Bernstein?

  It's letting God work through the medication.

• 27:30Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 27:31Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah.

• 27:32Lewis Howes?

  A lot of these things.

• 27:33Gabby Bernstein?

  And I think that this happened to me so that I could be of this spiritual voice for this, yes.

• 27:37Lewis Howes?

  Are you still on the medication, or is it a?

• 27:39Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah, I'm gonna try to get off of it in a few months. I'd like to get pregnant again. I'm on a medication that's good for breastfeeding in pregnancy, or like, okay for breastfeeding in pregnancy. But I'm gonna get off it in a few months. And, yeah, it's not something I need to be on for the rest of my life, but it was something that saved my life when I needed it.

• 27:55Lewis Howes?

  That's powerful.

• 27:56Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah.

• 27:56Lewis Howes?

  That's powerful.

• 27:57Gabby Bernstein?

  And for anyone that's on it for their entire life, God bless you. If you feel good and you're getting the support you need to be free and do deeper work. But the thing I will say is, if you do take meds, to make sure you do that deeper work. Don't just take a pill and feel like, I'm done. Take advantage of that baseline so that you can go and go deeper in your recovery.

• 28:15Lewis Howes?

  Now go meditate, now do your therapies, now do your healthy living.

• 28:19Gabby Bernstein?

  Go deep. Go look at what was causing the anxiety and the trauma in the first place. Get to it.

• 28:23Lewis Howes?

  And I think it's also good to take inventory, like, if I'm on the medication, am I up all night playing video games? Am I eating horrible foods?

• 28:32Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah, exactly. How am I contributing? Yeah, it's like, we live in a culture where people just take a pill, and that's the problem.

• 28:37Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 28:37Gabby Bernstein?

  That's the problem.

• 28:38Lewis Howes?

  And not to over-medicate either, yeah.

• 28:40Gabby Bernstein?

  And over-medicate and medicate unnecessarily, and yeah, that's the problem. It's a major problem. I'm not gonna deny that.

• 28:46Lewis Howes?

  You talk about in this, in this book, everything you say in here, it's like, yeah, that's so simple to think about, but it's not easy to apply.

• 28:55Gabby Bernstein?

  It's easier than you think.

• 28:56Lewis Howes?

  It's so simple for people, once they read it, it's like, wow, yeah, it's very simple. But I'm just looking at chapter nine, and I was reading through this, and you say, appreciate and appreciate more. And this is something I feel like people have a hard time doing, is showing appreciation, and then over-appreciating even the bad stuff that happens in their life.

• 29:14Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah, we talked about it.

• 29:15Lewis Howes?

  Know what I mean?

• 29:16Gabby Bernstein?

  Listen, I now have deep appreciation for that dark hole I was in six months ago, because it's given me an opportunity to sit here with you today and hopefully save some lives.

• 29:26Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 29:27Gabby Bernstein?

  If there's a mother out there that's watching, and she's having suicidal thoughts, or she's having panic attacks, or she's having insomnia, that she can now go and talk to her OB-GYN or her psychiatrist. I am deeply grateful for, for everything I've been through, through my addiction recovery, through my trauma healing, through physical things that I've talked about publicly, because they've given me a greater level of compassion for what people, for the human condition. And a greater, much greater opportunity to speak and teach from a place of authenticity.

• 29:57Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 29:57Gabby Bernstein?

  So that's my appreciation for what has been. And I think if we start to look at the difficult times in our lives and appreciate them, and also recognize them as a learning device, saying, "Okay, thank you alcoholism," or "thank you, you know, fear," or "thank you, drama in my life right now," because you're revealing to me what I still need to heal.

• 30:17Lewis Howes?

  Hmm. So what is the thing we usually need to heal when there's chaos in our life, or there's triggers in our life? What is that thing?

• 30:25Gabby Bernstein?

  We're all traumatized, everybody. Everyone that's walking through this world, every human being. They may not have had to have trauma like we've had, but they're walking through life feeling unsafe.

• 30:39Lewis Howes?

  They may not have had sexual abuse, or a father that abandoned them.

• 30:42Gabby Bernstein?

  But maybe their teacher told them they were stupid, or maybe they, you know, they like got lost one day in the parking lot when they were a kid and didn't find their mom. It doesn't, these subtle moments are, as A Course in Miracles says, "The moments that we detour into fear." They call it "the descent from magnitude into littleness." And we then create this form of ego, which is a separate mind, separate from God, separate from love, separate from that freedom. And it builds up a pretense around us. I mean, I'm even living in it right now, watching a 10-month-old child so free of ego, so free of fear, and I'm so conscious of every moment. I'm so conscious of not, you know, being on my phone when I'm with him, because I don't want to create, look, I'm gonna create those moments. He's gonna have, he's a human, having a human experience,

• 31:27Gabby Bernstein?

  but I want to hold him in the preciousness of this god-like state as long as possible, right? But that's not how people's parents are.

• 31:34Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 31:35Gabby Bernstein?

  That's not, that's not how we grew up, right? We grew up, we all grew up in this world where there's just so, each moment is an opportunity to detour into fear, and then we create a world of fear-based perceptions. And so what we must do to live and thrive and feel good is undo those fear-based perceptions. And I believe through a spiritual path, or through maybe a therapeutic path. I mean, I think spirit's in all of it, whether you realize it or not. But to make a commitment to feel better means that you're committed to returning to God.

• 32:06Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 32:07Gabby Bernstein?

  Or love, or, you know, spirit.

• 32:09Lewis Howes?

  The universe, right, yeah.

• 32:10Gabby Bernstein?

  Whatever you call it, yes.

• 32:11Lewis Howes?

  You also talk about how we have guides.

• 32:15Lewis Howes?

  And it's funny because my girlfriend, who's amazing, and she'll always tell me, she's like, you know, your angels are always watching you.

• 32:23Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah, she's a spiritual being, right?

• 32:24Lewis Howes?

  She's like, I have, there's angels that are always supporting me whenever I'm in trouble. I'm like focused on my angels. I'm like, where are these angels? Like, how do we know they're here? What are these guides? Like, how can we tap into this belief that there are, whether it's our ancestors, spiritual beings, whatever they may be, are here with us, are guiding us,

• 32:43Gabby Bernstein?

  I thought we were talking about this in the School of Greatness.

• 32:45Lewis Howes?

  Are protecting us, are leading us into a path of love.

• 32:49Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah, so what I write about in my book is what I believe. And I always have a big disclaimer that says, this is an opportunity to crack you open to believing something new. And if it's not for you, you choose how you choose to perceive this. So not only do I talk about spirit guides and angels and deceased family members, but I also talk about your higher self. So if this is too woo woo for you, start to tap into what is the voice of my higher self.

• 33:11Lewis Howes?

  Gotcha.

• 33:11Gabby Bernstein?

  Right, that voice of my inner guidance system. And that wisdom that I believe in is my, is my true nature, right? I personally, Gabby Bernstein, I believe that I, that we all have guides, ancestors, family members, teachers, beings of, light beings, energy beings, that are supporting us in a, in a form that is able to step in, able to channel through us when we write books, able to, to be there in those darkest moments, pick us up off the floor, and hold us in discomfort and guide us to business opportunities, or babies, or whatever it is that we're looking for. And it's always available to us, that guidance, but we just, we cut it off, we block it.

• 33:51Lewis Howes?

  Why do we block the guidance?

• 33:53Gabby Bernstein?

  Fear is the reason we block it, fear.

• 33:55Lewis Howes?

  Fear of what?

• 33:55Gabby Bernstein?

  It's not even fear, it's that false-based perception that we've built up around ourselves from those traumatic events, right? So we have these traumatic events early in life, and they continue to build and build and build. We build up a world of false perceptions. I am this body, I am Gabby Bernstein, I am Lewis Howes, I've got this School of Greatness, I'm a New York Times bestseller.

• 34:14Lewis Howes?

  I can't trust people, we create these beliefs.

• 34:17Gabby Bernstein?

  And you believe you're separate from others, you believe you're, you're better than, or less than, or not good enough. And all those stories, all those, those false pretenses. Or what many spiritual practices called the ego, right? And that fear-based perception of yourself is misaligned with God, with love, with spirit, with angels, with guides. And so this book is all about how to get back into alignment so that you can hear that guidance and receive that guidance and be a channel for inspiration. And when you clear and undo those patterns of fear and start to claim the pattern of love, that's when you are hooked up, a super attractor.

• 34:57Lewis Howes?

  Unstoppable.

• 34:58Gabby Bernstein?

  Unstoppable, invisible doors open for you. It doesn't matter how low you are when you're starting this, you will go way further than you could possibly have imagined. And I am standing behind that subtitle, "Methods for Manifesting a Life Beyond Your Wildest Dreams." Standing behind it.

• 35:15Lewis Howes?

  I love that. What's the difference between spiritual guides or guides and intuition?

• 35:22Gabby Bernstein?

  You could call it the same thing. Your guides are your bridge from your fear-based thoughts back to your love, right? So if you pray and say, "God, guide, higher self,"

• 35:34Lewis Howes?

  Angels, whatever.

• 35:34Gabby Bernstein?

  "I give this to you, figure it out, right? I don't know I'm gonna get through this time, but I give it to you." That's how we surrender. People are like, "I don't have to surrender, I don't want to let it go, I don't know how to." Through prayer, okay? Prayer is the conduit. And then when we say that prayer, or that intention, whatever you want to call it, and we allow ourselves to give it over to a higher power of our own understanding, a guide, God, spirit, grandma, whoever, then we're taking that difficult experience, we're handing it over, and then we relax.

• 36:05Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 36:05Gabby Bernstein?

  Because we think, okay, it's not on my shoulders anymore.

• 36:08Lewis Howes?

  It's like taking our ego out of ourself and putting it over here.

• 36:10Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah, giving it over, "Help me undo this." And then their job is to pay attention, what's gonna show up for us. And so pay close.

• 36:18Lewis Howes?

  How do we pay attention?

• 36:19Gabby Bernstein?

  Just be aware, stay calm, and stay chill, right? And be conscious of how things start to speed up, or the synchronicities that begin to happen around you, or if you are like, you know, "Guides, I want to see a sign," and you're like, "I need butterflies, and butterflies are everywhere." I'm getting thousands and thousands of emails from readers that are reading this book in the last two weeks it's been out, and they're just like, "Gabby, every single sign I've asked for is coming to me." And like, it just speeds up. Ask for a sign today, if you're having a difficult experience, say, "Guides, what would your sign be? Don't think, just say it." Just say it, don't think.

• 36:53Lewis Howes?

  Oh, the sign itself?

• 36:54Gabby Bernstein?

  Like a pumpkin or anything.

• 36:56Lewis Howes?

  Ah, an eagle.

• 36:57Gabby Bernstein?

  Eagle is your sign. That's a good one. It's strong. See how everybody, how he answered that? It's gotta be the first thing that comes to your mind. And now, if there's an issue that's happening in your life, just say to yourself silently today at the end of this podcast, just say, "Thank you, guide. Thank you, universe," whatever you believe in, right? For showing me my eagle to remind me that I'm on the right path.

• 37:19Lewis Howes?

  So, ask for the sign, the eagle.

• 37:22Gabby Bernstein?

  Thank you for revealing my eagle.

• 37:23Lewis Howes?

  Thank you for revealing it before I see the eagle.

• 37:25Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah, thank you for revealing my eagle to remind me that I am being guided.

• 37:29Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 37:29Gabby Bernstein?

  Okay?

• 37:30Lewis Howes?

  And the eagle will mean whatever I give the meaning to, whether it's to make a decision on something.

• 37:34Gabby Bernstein?

  If it's just being guided in general or if it's being guided towards that job or that healing or that whatever, right? Sometimes I'll use a sign like, I'm like, "Am I supposed to take this deal?" And I don't know what to do and I'm feeling so uncomfortable about it. And I'll say, "Show me a sign," and I'll get this. And the thing is, if you don't get your sign, that's a sign too. But you absolutely will get your sign. If you're asking to be shown that you're being guided, 100% you're gonna get your sign. Louis is gonna text me later, everybody.

• 37:59Lewis Howes?

  It's on the eagle.

• 38:00Gabby Bernstein?

  My eagle! He's gonna send me a photo, like some massive eagle.

• 38:04Lewis Howes?

  So, give me an example for people.

• 38:06Gabby Bernstein?

  And it could be an eagle like in a photo or an eagle on a napkin.

• 38:09Lewis Howes?

  Not some eagle sitting on my window, which is, would be amazing if that happened.

• 38:13Gabby Bernstein?

  Could be that too.

• 38:13Lewis Howes?

  So, let's give an practical example for someone. Say someone says, there's a female listening or a male listening and saying, "Okay, is this, should I go on a date with this person? A second date with this person, right? Just something small.

• 38:26Gabby Bernstein?

  Show me my sign.

• 38:27Lewis Howes?

  Show me my sign. And what if you don't see, and the sign is to reveal that you're supposed to go on this date or to give you some guidance.

• 38:33Gabby Bernstein?

  And if you don't get the sign, if you don't get the sign, then, and you decided to go on the date anyway, it's okay. There's still some learning in that.

• 38:41Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 38:42Gabby Bernstein?

  There might be not... There's been times where I've done things where I didn't get my sign and they didn't work out necessarily, but I still learned something from the experience.

• 38:49Lewis Howes?

  Has there ever been a time where you didn't see a sign and it did work out? Maybe you saw the sign later or something.

• 38:54Gabby Bernstein?

  It worked out in a different way.

• 38:56Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 38:56Gabby Bernstein?

  Right? So like if I was like, I need a sign about this situation and I didn't get the sign. Oh, here's an example from the book. So I was, uh, my, my two weeks before I was meant to conceive, my doctor, who was like a very conservative Yale-trained physician in my little tiny country town, was like, you're turning, no, I just turned 39. I was 38 when I was pregnant and I just turned 39. So he considered me 40, okay? I was like, dude, I was 38 a week ago. And now I'm [bleep] 40. So he makes me 40. And he's like, we believe that you need to deliver 40 to 40, 40 weeks when you're 40 years old. And I was resisting and resisting and I was like, I'm not 40 and I don't want to be induced and I don't want to force the baby out. I don't want to have that kind of thing.

• 39:39Gabby Bernstein?

  So I was so torn up because he was so nervous and that was infiltrating my fear, my fears.

• 39:45Lewis Howes?

  The trauma, yeah.

• 39:46Gabby Bernstein?

  And so I was in his office and I was like, okay, universe, I can't make the decision. I need a sign. And so I said, show me a sign if following this path is the right move. And he walked in the door and he was wearing this necktie. And I said, Howie, what's on your tie? And he said, it's a cardinal. And I said, okay, in my head, I'm like, that's my sign. It's a cardinal. And so the next day I had to make a decision if I wanted to get booked. So I didn't have an opportunity to see my cardinal before I made that quote, that decision, because I had to book him in the schedule. And he was leaving the next week. It was, it was mess. So I made the decision without seeing the sign. I said, okay.

• 40:22Lewis Howes?

  To, to.

• 40:22Gabby Bernstein?

  To be induced, to schedule an induction.

• 40:25Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 40:25Gabby Bernstein?

  It's not what I wanted. And so I made that decision. I was in my bath. I texted my girlfriend. I said, okay, I'm going to be induced. This is happening. And she writes back to me, that's a great decision. I feel really good about it. And I know it's good for you because I saw a cardinal land on my window just now. Cardinal land on my window.

• 40:42Lewis Howes?

  No way. Did you tell her the sign?

• 40:43Gabby Bernstein?

  She had no idea about the sign.

• 40:44Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 40:44Gabby Bernstein?

  But here's the thing. So I got my cardinal. It gave me the guidance. So I was on the right path. I was meant to be induced on a Wednesday. On a Monday, I'm lying in my bed and finishing the finishing touches of the book because I wanted to deliver the book before I delivered the baby. So I stand up to go to the bathroom and my water breaks.

• 41:04Lewis Howes?

  No way.

• 41:04Gabby Bernstein?

  And then here I am and I have the most epic Beyonce birth. Like there was nobody at the hospital. I had like rolling hills out my window and like I was the only one birthing in the maternity ward.

• 41:15Lewis Howes?

  My gosh.

• 41:15Gabby Bernstein?

  And I had, you know, the sun setting. So the whole point is, is that my sign was saying, yeah, you're on the right track. Make the decision so that I could relax.

• 41:23Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 41:23Gabby Bernstein?

  Because if I hadn't made that decision, I wouldn't have relaxed. My water wouldn't have broke because I would have been too freaked out and tense. And everything worked out.

• 41:32Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 41:32Gabby Bernstein?

  Do you see what I'm saying here?

• 41:33Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, of course.

• 41:33Gabby Bernstein?

  So if you don't see your sign, that's still guidance. And then, you know, if you get your sign, even if it's something you didn't want, you know?

• 41:38Lewis Howes?

  What has been the biggest lesson of motherhood? That you were unexpectedly, because you have lots of friends who are mothers.

• 41:46Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah, I had no idea.

• 41:47Lewis Howes?

  You have so many fans of yours who are moms that you speak to all the time. And maybe you thought you knew what they were going through. You could speak into some of their challenges. But what have you really learned? Maybe three biggest lessons so far about

• 42:00Gabby Bernstein?

  All right, good.

• 42:00Lewis Howes?

  motherhood and what moms experience.

• 42:03Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah.

• 42:03Lewis Howes?

  In the first year of mother.

• 42:04Gabby Bernstein?

  So in terms of what moms experience and what happens, and I think my son has taught me, has given me the greatest gift of healing I could ever have imagined. Because as soon as I became pregnant, what happens for women is all your shit comes up. And for men too.

• 42:18Lewis Howes?

  Oh, yeah.

• 42:18Gabby Bernstein?

  You know, when you're like about to bring life into the world and be responsible for that life, your, your darkest demons start to come to the surface. And so many people just push it down, push it down, push it down. And so I don't push things down. I was like, let's go. Okay, I'm ready, I'm willing, let's go for this. And so I, you know, I worked out along the way and then the postpartum. And that gave me even a greater, greater step of healing. So his presence in my life has already put me on a massive healing path. I've had fast forward healing in the last year and a half. So that I'm grateful.

• 42:48Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 42:49Gabby Bernstein?

  My son has taught me that I am going to make my highest priority in life to honor his feelings.

• 43:00Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 43:01Gabby Bernstein?

  People keep asking me, like, what's your parenting advice? I'm like, look, I've been doing this for 10 months, but I can tell you this. Honor their feelings. Imagine that was something that we experienced.

• 43:10Lewis Howes?

  Amazing.

• 43:10Gabby Bernstein?

  I mean, you'd be a different person, I'd be a different person. And, and, and if we could honor any human's feelings, any human being, particularly a child. And then I guess the third thing that I've learned as a mother, there's so much, but um. Is that they are, they have their own guides. They have their own, they're not, oh, this is big. He is not, not my son, Oliver Rockland. He is not, you know, the son to Zach, the son to Gabby. He is his own spirit, having a human experience.

• 43:40Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 43:41Gabby Bernstein?

  And he is a person, he's not a baby.

• 43:44Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 43:45Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah.

• 43:45Lewis Howes?

  And you're just here to guide him?

• 43:47Gabby Bernstein?

  I am in a archetypal position to be a guide and a love and a support for him. But I find myself often being like, "My baby's so cute, my baby, my baby." And then I have to stop myself and say, "Oliver, not my baby. He's not my baby. He's him."

• 44:04Lewis Howes?

  Wow. Powerful. That's crazy. So you want to have another child?

• 44:12Gabby Bernstein?

  I want to have another child.

• 44:12Lewis Howes?

  Why? After everything this put you through in the last year?

• 44:15Gabby Bernstein?

  I, I want my son to have a buddy. We live in a tiny little country town. We only go to the city like once every, you know, two weeks or something. But we live mostly in the country. And so I want him to have a friend, you know, that's close by. I want, um, I don't feel I'm done. I don't feel like I'm done.

• 44:33Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 44:34Gabby Bernstein?

  And so I will be a 40-year-old mom and, you know, 40-year-old birthing.

• 44:37Lewis Howes?

  I have a friend that just had a child. She was 44, I think.

• 44:41Gabby Bernstein?

  I think it's the new norm, big time. I think that all my friends are in their 40s having children, yeah.

• 44:46Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, it's crazy. It's crazy.

• 44:47Gabby Bernstein?

  I'm turning 40. What the hell?

• 44:49Lewis Howes?

  Next month?

• 44:50Gabby Bernstein?

  11/1, yeah. It's next month.

• 44:52Lewis Howes?

  In two weeks, three weeks. It's amazing.

• 44:54Gabby Bernstein?

  I have not fully taken that in yet.

• 44:56Lewis Howes?

  Cause I'm 36 and I already feel like I'm, I'm like, man, I'm almost 40.

• 45:00Gabby Bernstein?

  36, don't go there. 36 is extremely young.

• 45:03Lewis Howes?

  What has happened in my life? I'm like, I was just in college, 22, feeling like I had the world by my hands.

• 45:09Gabby Bernstein?

  36 is a baby, just so.

• 45:10Lewis Howes?

  Then I had 20s, then I'm in my 30s, like things, good things have happened, bad things have happened. I was like, I'm about to be 40 before I know, this year has flown by.

• 45:18Gabby Bernstein?

  Here's the thing that I know you and I both can say about getting older, is that it gets better.

• 45:24Lewis Howes?

  It does get better.

• 45:25Gabby Bernstein?

  When you're on a personal growth path.

• 45:26Lewis Howes?

  It does.

• 45:27Gabby Bernstein?

  When you're on a spiritual path, it gets better.

• 45:28Lewis Howes?

  If you're on a fixed path, a fixed mindset, then I feel like you're gonna be more and more stressed and angry at the world. Going on a growth mindset, it's gonna get better for sure.

• 45:37Gabby Bernstein?

  Better, better.

• 45:37Lewis Howes?

  I feel more at peace.

• 45:39Gabby Bernstein?

  I feel sexier, I feel freer, I feel, I like, look better than I did when I was thirty.

• 45:45Lewis Howes?

  Let's go.

• 45:45Gabby Bernstein?

  You know?

• 45:46Lewis Howes?

  You've been doing the Spears work.

• 45:47Gabby Bernstein?

  One hundred percent.

• 45:48Lewis Howes?

  I think I found out about you in two thousand eight. I don't know if you remember this, I connected with you on LinkedIn.

• 45:54Gabby Bernstein?

  I don't remember because I probably didn't even notice that you connected anybody back to you.

• 45:59Lewis Howes?

  But I remember, I can't, I think we had chatted a few times, but you were also in a different place. We were both in different places.

• 46:03Gabby Bernstein?

  Two thousand eight, big time.

• 46:05Lewis Howes?

  You had just wrote.

• 46:06Gabby Bernstein?

  Add more into your life, was my first book.

• 46:08Lewis Howes?

  Add more into your life.

• 46:09Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah.

• 46:10Lewis Howes?

  And I remember, I looked at, I just looked at the book cover of that recently. And versus this book cover, right?

• 46:16Gabby Bernstein?

  It's two different people.

• 46:17Lewis Howes?

  You're like a different human being. This was like riding off the person.

• 46:20Gabby Bernstein?

  I was a little girl.

• 46:21Lewis Howes?

  The PR, like, energy, the publicity, like, trying to make it in New York City.

• 46:24Gabby Bernstein?

  Oh my god.

• 46:25Lewis Howes?

  The Carrie Bradshaw energy, like, that was the thing you were putting off. And I, I can't remember, I think we had a couple of email interactions, but it was very, it was more of like a, how can we get, how can I get something done with you?

• 46:36Gabby Bernstein?

  One hundred percent.

• 46:38Lewis Howes?

  Now it's like this different feminine glow.

• 46:41Gabby Bernstein?

  Thank you, thank you.

• 46:43Lewis Howes?

  Not that you weren't feminine then, but it was like this.

• 46:45Gabby Bernstein?

  I wasn't feminine then, I was in my masculine, like, I'm gonna make [BLEEP] happen. And you know what, it was good, and I, and it, and it served me, because I've published seven books in eight years, and they've saved lives, and so thank you for whatever journey I was on at the time. But now I am on a feminine, relaxed, super attractor, do less, attract more, sit back with Lewis Howes, and have a good life.

• 47:06Lewis Howes?

  So what advice would you have to women in their late twenties, mid twenties, who feel like, I've gotta work hard, I'm not, I'm not making the money I want, I'm not in the career I want.

• 47:15Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah, there's a, so there's a chapter in this book for that woman. And the chapter is called, There's More Than Enough To Go Around.

• 47:23Lewis Howes?

  Oh yes, chapter three.

• 47:24Gabby Bernstein?

  There's more than enough to go around, and this is a whole chapter on comparison, and all the ways that we block the opportunity to do less and attract more because we're trying so hard. And I speak directly to that reader that is the pusher, that's trying to make things happen, that is in fear. And I talk about comparison, jealousy, and judgment, self judgment, and all of it.

• 47:44Lewis Howes?

  Because the judgment detox was so big for so many people.

• 47:47Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah. It's my most important book.

• 47:48Lewis Howes?

  It's huge. I mean, they're all the most important books for different reasons.

• 47:51Gabby Bernstein?

  Judgment Detox is my most important book, and it's the one that most people never finished.

• 47:56Lewis Howes?

  Why?

• 47:56Gabby Bernstein?

  It's too much work for them. They think it's too hard. It's like you have to face your wounds.

• 48:01Lewis Howes?

  Your crap.

• 48:01Gabby Bernstein?

  You have to see your part, forgive. But the people that do apply it, I see them on the book line, and they say Judgment Detox is my favorite book, and I'm like, I can see it in you. Because there's a freedom I can see in them.

• 48:12Lewis Howes?

  Who are we judging more? Ourselves, other people, or God?

• 48:18Gabby Bernstein?

  I think we judge ourselves the most.

• 48:22Gabby Bernstein?

  I really do. Because even when we're judging other people, we're actually judging ourselves.

• 48:25Lewis Howes?

  Ooh, because we're just a reflection.

• 48:26Gabby Bernstein?

  Yes.

• 48:27Lewis Howes?

  We're reflecting our judgment of ourself on someone else.

• 48:29Gabby Bernstein?

  That's correct. That's correct. That's right.

• 48:32Lewis Howes?

  So when we reflect our judgment on someone else, we don't like something, we're angry at them, we're pissed off at them, whatever it is, how can we shift that to see the good in them?

• 48:43Gabby Bernstein?

  Read Judgment Detox.

• 48:45Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 48:46Gabby Bernstein?

  Because I'm sitting, sometimes I'm just like, yeah, I wrote a book about it.

• 48:48Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, exactly. I get it.

• 48:49Gabby Bernstein?

  But I'll answer your question fully right now, which is like, when we are in judgment of somebody else, what's happening is that we're projecting onto them our own wounds.

• 48:57Lewis Howes?

  Gosh.

• 48:58Gabby Bernstein?

  And so the second step of Judgment Detox is to, well, the first step is to

• 49:01Lewis Howes?

  Heal your wounds.

• 49:01Gabby Bernstein?

  Is to honor your wounds. Yeah.

• 49:03Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, of course.

• 49:04Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah.

• 49:05Lewis Howes?

  It's so hard, so hard to not judge other people, isn't it?

• 49:08Gabby Bernstein?

  It gets a lot of, I gotta tell you, that book helped me so much. And do I not judge all the time? Of course I still judge. But when I judge, I don't believe in it.

• 49:17Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 49:18Gabby Bernstein?

  And I get out of it quickly.

• 49:19Lewis Howes?

  So what do you say when you're judging someone else?

• 49:21Gabby Bernstein?

  I witness my judgment without judgment, step one. I honor the wound. Okay, oh, I'm judging them because I'm feeling insecure, or I'm judging them because they're triggering something, right? And then I continue on the journey of the Judgment Detox, which, you know, just releasing and forgiving and seeing someone for the first time, choosing to see them through the lens of love. It's a fabulous book.

• 49:42Lewis Howes?

  See them through a lens of love, yeah. Get that book too. What is, you think is your greatest accomplishment in 40 years of life?

• 49:48Gabby Bernstein?

  My greatest accomplishment in 39 years, two weeks away from 40.

• 49:55Gabby Bernstein?

  Don't age me. I can't live on forty, oh my god. So, my greatest accomplishment is the freedom I'm feeling right now, today, here with you, is my greatest accomplishment. My recovering from trauma is my greatest accomplishment. It will be the best contribution I can give to the world. I am going to help people because even just being in this state of freedom will help people watching because they will see what they are capable of.

• 50:19Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 50:20Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah.

• 50:20Lewis Howes?

  That's powerful. And do you feel like you'll be able to make a bigger impact on the world by being a mother? Or?

• 50:27Gabby Bernstein?

  Already, yeah. So, I've noticed myself in my talks, I would always have a really good boundary, which you have to have, as you know, when we do the work we do. Because if I'm gonna get up and answer questions, people, my audience is like, you know, coming up being like, "I have a brain injury," or "I'm suicidal," or, you know. And I have to hold them in their, in their, in their transformation, but not take it on. But as a mother now, I don't feel that I'm taking it on, but I have a way deeper level of compassion for people that I never had before.

• 50:56Lewis Howes?

  Because you're experiencing all this stuff.

• 50:57Gabby Bernstein?

  I'm seeing their innocent child in them.

• 50:59Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 51:00Gabby Bernstein?

  I don't see them as an adult who hasn't taken care of themselves, or as an adult who's done stupid things. I see them as a wounded child, and all I want to do is just hold them into love. And that's, I mean, even in one of my talks, this one woman was so wounded, and I actually went as far as asking her to come up so I could just hug her. And that is so against everything I've ever done in my career.

• 51:20Lewis Howes?

  Why?

• 51:21Gabby Bernstein?

  I would never, like, touch someone or have it, it doesn't mean that I wouldn't hug somebody, like, casually, but I held her like an "I'm a hug," you know what I mean? I was like, this is, and I kept holding her, and I said, "You're safe, you're safe, you're safe." And I don't know what came over me. The other thing that's happening is I'm becoming more unapologetic about my mediumship. So, we're all mediums. We all have the ability to listen to spirit and let, but I can, you know, I've throughout my life have always heard messages, and you know, now I'm just like giving messages to people. And I always have channeled throughout my talking, but now, where normally I would say, "Okay, this is the guidance." If I'm hearing it as a guide, I'll say, "What I'm hearing for you is this." And I'll deliver it in a different way.

• 51:58Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, that's smart, yeah, yeah. So, people can receive it, not if they don't believe in some type of medium stuff, they can, they can receive.

• 52:03Gabby Bernstein?

  Sometimes I'll just tell them, like, "I think, you know, your grandmother is telling me something."

• 52:06Lewis Howes?

  Tim's telling you this, yeah.

• 52:06Gabby Bernstein?

  Sometimes, not always.

• 52:08Lewis Howes?

  I've never had a... Someone who calls himself a medium that does this practice on the show. I've been pitched like different mediums to come on and I've always been kind of resistant. But lately, I'm like, you know, I think it'd be a fun experience.

• 52:20Gabby Bernstein?

  Oh, yeah, yeah, you should have someone.

• 52:21Lewis Howes?

  Is there someone that you think is like the best?

• 52:23Gabby Bernstein?

  There's so, there's so many. I mean, um, yeah, let's talk offline. Cause I could sit here and tell you five, six different names and I don't want to offend anybody out there. I know a lot of mediums. I don't want that one to be like, why didn't you say me on Lewis House? So I'll give you some suggestions. Yeah, they're all good though.

• 52:37Lewis Howes?

  It'll be fun.

• 52:38Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah.

• 52:38Lewis Howes?

  What do you think is missing from you to get to the next level in your life? Whatever that looks like for you. What's missing?

• 52:45Gabby Bernstein?

  There's a little bit more trauma work that I've got to face.

• 52:48Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 52:49Gabby Bernstein?

  It's not missing though. It's not like it's, it's in perfect time.

• 52:54Lewis Howes?

  Around what? What's the trauma around?

• 52:56Gabby Bernstein?

  Um, just a lot of the sexual trauma, the shame around the sexual trauma.

• 52:59Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, cause you, you talked about it on our show a couple of years ago, a couple of years ago. And I know you've been doing a lot of work over the last few years with it, but do you feel like you're fully, you're not fully healed with those things yet? I don't think I am either, even though I talk about it for the last six years.

• 53:14Gabby Bernstein?

  You're more healed than ever before, but everything.

• 53:16Lewis Howes?

  I'm at peace a lot about it, but there's still little triggers.

• 53:18Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah, EMDR.

• 53:19Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, so I keep hearing that.

• 53:21Gabby Bernstein?

  I really recommend it to you.

• 53:22Lewis Howes?

  Okay, I'll try that.

• 53:23Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah.

• 53:24Lewis Howes?

  Where do you think you'll be once you have that final healing?

• 53:28Gabby Bernstein?

  Freedom is my end game, right? I hope to live for a long, long time feeling free. You know, I had, um, I did talk with Deepak Chopra yesterday and I was on the plane with him coming here. And we were chatting about, you know, I was like, do you, do you, you know, feel triggered or traumatized? You know, he's like, not at all.

• 53:48Lewis Howes?

  With nothing.

• 53:48Gabby Bernstein?

  I'm happy all the time. And it's because of his practice. It's because of his devotion to his practice. I'm getting closer and closer to that. It doesn't mean I'll be enlightened. It doesn't mean I'll have bad experiences. I won't have bad experiences. It doesn't mean I won't be a human. But that I can feel free. Even when things are tough.

• 54:04Lewis Howes?

  What do you think it is that he has or people like him have that allow them to have zero connection to or not allow the ego to affect them in a triggering way, in a reactive defensive way, guarded, when maybe something bad happens to them? Maybe a business deal goes down.

• 54:19Gabby Bernstein?

  He's a person who grew up being taught that the divine is the direction. That, you know, God was the, I don't want to use language that's not his, but he had a very spiritual upbringing. So it was a foundational experience for him and he's devoted his life to being at ease. And meditate, he's up very early, meditates for two hours, I think, in the morning. And, you know, I think it's his devotion and commitment that's let him be that way.

• 54:45Lewis Howes?

  Isn't it amazing that when I am consistent with my meditation practice, I feel like I'm unstoppable? Like, the longer I meditate, I feel like I see, it's like the Matrix. You'll see someone saying something to you, you'll see someone cut you off.

• 54:58Gabby Bernstein?

  And it's exactly what you need. You become a super attractor. This is what the whole book is about, baby. It's that the more we practice being in alignment, the more that unstoppable experience occurs. But when we are just living out of alignment, we feel out of alignment.

• 55:13Lewis Howes?

  That's it.

• 55:14Gabby Bernstein?

  Things don't work.

• 55:14Lewis Howes?

  That's it.

• 55:15Gabby Bernstein?

  We're pushing.

• 55:16Lewis Howes?

  What do you think's missing, from your point of view, as a friend of me, what's missing in my life to help me attract more of good things that I want?

• 55:24Gabby Bernstein?

  I think there's a little more trauma work to do. I can feel it, and you've said it a few times. And so, I'm gonna hold your hand while I say this, because I love you so much. And I will help you if you need any guidance and support, just to be, listen and be there for you. Because you have the potential for that same freedom that I'm talking about now. We all do, but particularly, you're right there. But there's some, there's shame and there's places to go to that I think you're ready to go now. And it hasn't been, there's been no, no step along the way that's been an accident. It's all been perfect order for you and it's all been unfolding perfectly. And, you know, humbling moments and difficult times and things that come up, only to get you to the place where you're ready to crack open more and face some of the dark, the darkest stuff.

• 56:04Gabby Bernstein?

  And you need to do that with a, so I am hearing that you need to do that with a facilitator that you trust, someone that you feel safe with. And someone that will really give you that, hold that space for you to go to the places that scare you.

• 56:18Lewis Howes?

  Mmm, sounds good, I'm in.

• 56:20Gabby Bernstein?

  Because you're, you're doing really big [BLEEP] in the world, you know, big stuff, big work. And it's gonna be massive, the more free you become.

• 56:28Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 56:29Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah.

• 56:29Lewis Howes?

  I'm excited, excited to continue to work.

• 56:31Gabby Bernstein?

  And I'm really proud of you because the fact that you even asked that question is so major because it means you're willing.

• 56:37Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, definitely.

• 56:38Gabby Bernstein?

  I'm so proud, I love you so much.

• 56:39Lewis Howes?

  Thank you, I love you, yeah, and you said the first step is willingness, and, and what? You said willingness is the key for something before in one of our interviews.

• 56:46Gabby Bernstein?

  Willingness is the catalyst for change because the moment that we become willing, it's like we invite the next right action, we invite God into our life to show us where to go and what to do. The willingness that you've developed over your life over the last thirty-six years got you into this seat right now with me while we're talking about things that we've both been through for you to say what's next and for me to honestly and authentically say this is what I think is next.

• 57:08Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, okay.

• 57:09Gabby Bernstein?

  Okay, so.

• 57:10Lewis Howes?

  I trust you, I trust you.

• 57:11Gabby Bernstein?

  That's your willingness.

• 57:12Lewis Howes?

  Uh, super attractor, make sure you guys get this book right now. Methods for Manifesting a Life Beyond Your Wildest Dreams. Uh, before we wrap up, I want to acknowledge you Gabby for constantly showing up. You do an amazing job of showing up for people. You show up for yourself and your dreams. It's because you're always giving to other people and you really want to be a life of service. I think that's what you talked about is like, the more you're willing to serve, the more good things come to you.

• 57:37Gabby Bernstein?

  And now more than ever.

• 57:38Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 57:39Gabby Bernstein?

  Now I'm much more about how can I serve than how can I get, more than ever.

• 57:43Lewis Howes?

  And it used to be like, how can I gain, probably ten years ago, fifteen years ago, what can I get?

• 57:48Gabby Bernstein?

  It was like that, there was, oh, service is what's driven my successes. I mean, I've always been in alignment with wanting to serve people because I've had a deep level of compassion for people. But I think that it's gotten just greater and greater, and being a mother has made it even greater.

• 58:00Lewis Howes?

  Well, I acknowledge you for that too because, I mean, I didn't know you were going through all this, this stuff that you were going through. So I acknowledge you for being a mom. And showing that you can work on the projects that you love to help people and to get help when you needed it. Because I think a lot of moms feel shame that something's wrong with them. Why can't I just, I have this child that I've wanted my whole life or for how many years? Why am I feeling this way? Why, what's wrong with me? Why I should just appreciate what this incredible being?

• 58:31Gabby Bernstein?

  I'm gonna say something that's gonna open a floodgate, but it's okay. Any woman out there that's watching, that identifies in any way, any mom or new mom, or even if you have a child that's two years old, because you can have postpartum for a long time. That identifies with any of the things that I have just said. Email [email protected] and I will personally write back to you, even if it takes me a month to get back to you. Okay, I want you to know you're not alone. Or DM me on Instagram. The email might get to me faster. Or tag me in something. I just want to know where you're at and I want you to know you're not alone, wherever you are. On every camera.

• 59:03Lewis Howes?

  That's powerful, yeah. I think, I think, I mean, I saw this with my sister. She went through some challenges when she had both of her kids, where she was just like, you know, going through stuff. She was in challenges, she had a lot of help. And I think she was beating herself up a lot.

• 59:16Gabby Bernstein?

  Yeah.

• 59:17Lewis Howes?

  From what's wrong with me feelings, why am I?

• 59:20Gabby Bernstein?

  No one talks about it. That's why, good news, Gabby, the voice box, is out there in the world, just on every show. I mean, Good Morning America, Today Show, Yesterday and Access Hollywood, talking about it. I'm everywhere, everywhere I can be. Every podcast, talking about postpartum, because I want to save moms that are...

• 59:38Lewis Howes?

  It's a real thing. Very few moms probably have this peaceful journey after having a child where they're like...

• 59:44Gabby Bernstein?

  Every mom has some kind of chaos, but, but it's, there is a difference between being anxious and like overwhelmed and overtired and having a biochemical issue.

• 59:53Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, there you go. Well, make sure you guys get the book, Super Attractor. Follow you on social media, share this with a friend who you think might enjoy this. Gabby, I love you, you're amazing.

• 1:00:01Gabby Bernstein?

  I love you. This is always my favorite interview, everybody knows that. It's my favorite, I'm sorry. The rest, all the other interviews, it's my favorite.

• 1:00:09Lewis Howes?

  Thank you, appreciate it.

• 1:00:15Lewis Howes?

  This was such a powerful episode for me and if you enjoyed this episode, please do me a favor and subscribe to this podcast on Apple Podcasts. Leave us a review and share specific details about what you enjoyed about this episode. The power it gave you, the insights, the specific strategy you got from this. Leave a review over on Apple Podcasts. Type in your response. I don't care if you leave a one star or a five star review. I just want to hear from you on how this helped you and how this is going to help you in your life. And if you're a mother who's experienced postpartum depression, or if you've ever experienced suicidal thoughts, know that you are not alone. Know there are people that want to support you, that there's help available for you.

• 1:00:59Lewis Howes?

  Please know that you're not alone. And if you have a friend who is going through a challenging time in their life right now, or who has struggled on and off with depression, or thoughts of suicide, or postpartum depression, please send them this link. LewisHowes.com/865. Again, LewisHowes.com/865. Or just copy and paste the link on the Apple Podcasts that you're listening to, Spotify, or anywhere you're listening to this podcast. And be a champion and a hero in someone's life by sending them a text with this link and asking them to listen and share their thoughts on what they got out of this. Post this in a WhatsApp group, a Facebook chat group, Instagram, over social media.

• 1:01:44Lewis Howes?

  Get the message out to a friend and be a champion in someone's life today. You matter so much to me. I'm so grateful that you're here, that you take the time to consciously and actively seek the wisdom. I'm constantly trying to do the work myself. I'm constantly diving in, finding the experts, finding the world's best to help myself overcome challenges, to help myself get through the adversity at every stage of my life. I am not perfect. You guys hear me talk about this all the time, and I'm always looking to improve and be better. And we're all in this together. If we can be more compassionate, more empathetic, less judgmental, less combative with each other, and truly...

• 1:02:26Lewis Howes?

  Work on our own self-love so we can have more to give to others. That's what this is all about. A big thank you to you guys for being here, for supporting this. And as the inspirational Fred Rogers, the man who taught so many of us as kids growing up, the man who helped us understand our feelings, our emotions, our thoughts, and who helped us feel like we had a home when we didn't feel at home. He said, "Anything that's human is mentionable, and anything that is mentionable can be more manageable." When we talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary.

• 1:03:06Lewis Howes?

  The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we are not alone. I hope you know you're not alone. I hope you know you have a community here, a part of this School of Greatness community. You can reach out to people in the comments on my page or in groups on Facebook that we have or at our annual events. You can be a part of a community here. We're here for you. We love you. We see you. We hear you. And we believe in you. I love you very much. And you know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great.