852 How to Handle Stress Without Tension

Stress is an unavoidable part of life. It’s not about having a stress-free life- it’s about learning how to deal with it gracefully. Think of the last stressful moment you had. How did you react? Did you get angry and tense up? Or were you able to breathe and move through it? The more we work on our reaction when things go differently than we’d hoped, the happier we will be. For this Five Minute Friday, I revisited a conversation I had with Dan Millman where he shared his definition of stress and the practice that helps him with it. Dan Millman is a former world champion athlete, university coach, martial arts instructor, and college professor. After an intensive, twenty-year spiritual quest, Dan’s teaching found its form as the Peaceful Warrior’s Way. He has now written seventeen books. Learn how to move through life without tension in Episode 852. In This Episode You Will Learn: Dan’s definition of stress (2:30) Stress with tension vs. stress without tension (3:50) How martial arts can help with stress (4:30) If you enjoyed this episode, check out the video, show notes, and more at http://www.lewishowes.com/852 and follow at instagram.com/lewishowes Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Lewis Howes?

  This is Five Minute Friday.

• 0:10Lewis Howes?

  I am very excited about today's guest. He is a hero of mine, someone I've looked up to for years. His books have inspired me, his movie inspired me that his book was based off of, and his name is Dan Millman. He's a former world champion gymnast, Stanford University coach, Oberlin College professor, and martial arts instructor. He is the author of 16 books and published in 29 languages, including his classic Way of the Peaceful Warrior, which was adapted into a film in 2006. Now, Dan's keynotes and seminars has inspired people from all walks of life, including leaders in the field of health, psychology, education, business, politics, sports, and the arts.

• 0:55Lewis Howes?

  When you experience any type of stress or any type of a breakdown in your life, whether it be minor or major breakdowns that occur, what is your practice for overcoming those breakdowns or those minor moments of stress? Do you have a practice or a ritual that you follow, a breathing technique, you know, a way of being that you shift into?

• 1:19Speaker 01

  There are techniques one can learn, but at some point, you know, and I believe me, I've had them coming out of my ears. I've had so many, I've learned so many techniques over the decades for this or that. But let me just address stress. Stress is part of everyday life. If I can tell people two things about stress, I can say, stress happens when the mind resists what is. In other words, whatever is arising in life, if we resist it, it creates some stress, psychological stress, maybe translated to physical stress as well, blood pressure and so on. When we learn to flow with life and kind of dance with it the way any good martial artist would do, not fighting the force, but learning to use it, getting out of the way, we experience less stress, first of all.

• 2:03Speaker 01

  But the second thing is, stress is a normal part of life. The only way to avoid stress is don't care about anything. But most of us do care, so we're engaged with life. So sometimes we get the elevator, sometimes we get the shaft, as the saying goes. And things happen, changes, disappointments, and we feel stressed. A flat tire on the way to an important appointment or a date, these things happen. But there is a big difference between stress plus tension, or stress without tension. So we can't really control this abstract idea we define as stress, but we can control our degree of tension. Any of us can, right now, any listener can tense their body.

• 2:47Speaker 01

  We have that ability, tense all our muscles. And if we can tense, we can relax, just the opposite. Let go, shake, take a breath. And you know what? Relaxed stress is a very different critter from tense stress. So whenever a stressful element happens in our lives, we can use that as just kind of a signal to take a deep breath, let it out, shake loose, and see how relaxed we can be, even as we face the stress. And you know, this is especially true in the stress if you're ever attacked by multiple attackers. That's quite a stressful situation. And that is exactly when you need to learn to move and relax. Because most people don't get beaten up because their techniques aren't good enough.

• 3:32Speaker 01

  It's because they get too tired. And so by staying relaxed and moving and flowing, which this martial art that I'm studying now, Sistema, emphasizes, it really, really helps us prevail in everyday life and everyday stresses as well.

• 3:46Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, or they just stop breathing, you know, with ease. They start shortening their breath.

• 3:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, that's typical.

• 3:54Lewis Howes?

  Can't breathe, it's hard to do anything.

• 3:55Speaker 01

  You know, the only difference between fear and excitement is whether we're breathing.

• 4:10Speaker 02

  Hey guys, if you enjoyed this inspirational clip from a past episode of the show, then you'll love the free book I'm giving away right now. It's called "The Millionaire Morning." It includes some of my best tips for starting off your day with a millionaire mindset. Get your free copy at themillionairemorning.com and just pay shipping. Again, check it out right now, themillionairemorning.com.