623 The Beauty of Breaking with Candice Kumai

“The ones I’m attracted to the most have grit and grace all over them.” - Candice Kumai I’m sure you’ve had times in your life where you’ve felt broken. You may even be feeling that way now. In those moments you may feel like you’ve lost the ability to be perfect. You may even feel like there’s no point, that the boat has sailed. That’s not true. You have the chance to come out more beautiful of a person than you were before. In Japanese culture there is something called kintsugi, or golden repair. When someone would break something, especially of value, it would be repaired and finished with gold dust. These golden cracks were revered, and objects were considered to be even more beautiful than when they were brand new. These golden cracks gave it personality and a new life it wouldn’t have had before. On this episode of The School of Greatness I bring you a truly inspirational person with so much knowledge and love of applying this concept to ourselves: Candice Kumai. Candice is a Japanese Polish American who struggled with racism growing up because she was different. She persevered and saw the beauty in herself that made her different from others in her school and used it to become a professional model. From there Candice made a pivot to become a great chef, where she faced even more scrutiny in her new community for having been a former model. Candice has developed the unique ability of emotional kintsugi, where she can turn emotional turmoil, racism, and negative situations into golden opportunities. I really appreciated her energy and passion for sharing this idea with as many people as possible. Beyond being a well-known wellness influencer and chef, Candice has decided it’s time for her to tell the whole story of how wellness can come back into our lives after we experience being broken. Learn how you too can create beauty from your own personal darkness, on Episode 623. Some questions I ask: What was the hardest thing for you to reflect on? (10:16) Why is it that despite everything America has put them through, the Japanese still love us? (13:03) You had a relationship for a long time, is that right? (17:13) How long did you stay in Japan after the breakup? (23:08) Why did you want to do this type of book? (25:02) How do you think being broken makes us stronger? (28:47) What is the biggest problem a lot of Americans face with food and nutrition? (33:05) How closely related is food to our emotional stability? (41:04) In this episode you will learn: How things that were broken can become more beautiful than when they were perfect (6:25) What Candice experienced as an Asian kid growing up in Southern California (11:44) Candice’s experience of a breakup and losing a family member at the same time (18:18) Why Candice was always afraid to be successful (24:11) The biggest lesson Candice has learned about herself over the last few years (26:37) Principles we should be thinking about to have wellness all around (30:06) Why so many of us are afraid to be who we really are (36:48) Plus much more... Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Lewis Howes?

  This is episode number 623 with Candice Kumai. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 0:31Lewis Howes?

  Cicero said that diseases of the soul are more dangerous and more numerous than those of the body. You have an opportunity to make your life and your body complete when you start to heal the matters of the soul. And I'm excited about our guest today. Candice Kumai is known as the golden girl of the wellness world from Elle magazine and one of the top 20 new role models from Arianna Huffington. She is a classically trained chef, wellness writer, and author of five books. She contributes to lifestyle outlets like Cosmo Magazine, Yoga Journal, Elle, Shape, Bon Appetit, Girlboss, and Well and Good.

• 1:13Lewis Howes?

  She's also a former judge on Iron Chef America and beat Bobby Flay. She's a regular contributor on the Dr. Oz and E! News shows. And she's got a new book out called Kintsugi Wellness. And in today's episode, we talk about why being broken can actually make us beautiful and strong. So if you think you're broken, you're actually just building yourself up to be stronger. Also, why some women fear success and how to overcome that. What being real has to do with wellness. Why we're so afraid to be ourselves. And the relationship between our emotions and what we eat and how to manage all this stuff that's always happening in the food and nutrition space. Before we dive in, want to give a shout out

• 1:54Lewis Howes?

  to our fan of the week. This is from Jeff Schmidt over at Seaside Audio and Video. And he says this, "We have all been at a restaurant and have overheard the conversation at the next table. It's a casual conversation where each person is engaged in what the other person's saying, sharing and relating to it." And it's such a compelling conversation, you really just can't pull yourself from it. This is how it feels when I'm listening to Lewis Howes on the School of Greatness. Some podcasts have a list of questions, some even have the same question every time. Lewis has a way of getting to know his guests and bringing out the best in them without sounding like an interview.

• 2:35Lewis Howes?

  Thanks again. That was from Jeff Schmidt. You are the fan of the week. Thanks again for that unique perspective. I appreciate it. And if you guys want a chance to be shouted out as the fan of the week, all you need to do is go to applepodcast.com/greatness. You can go right on your phone as well, open up the podcast app and leave us a review for your chance to be shouted out as the fan of the week. Now, if you want to do better in your life, you want to achieve greater things in your life, you've got to look at every area of what could be holding you back. All right, guys, I'm excited about this one. This is all about finding beauty when something is broken or the broken perspective on wellness and how we can make it whole with Candace Kumai.

• 3:23Lewis Howes?

  Welcome back everyone to the School of Greatness podcast. We have Candace Kumai in the house. Good to see you.

• 3:29Speaker 01

  Good to see you too.

• 3:30Lewis Howes?

  Very excited about this. You've got some of the most energy I've ever seen in a human being. You just made us a cool matcha tea latte that we poured some almond milk in and you're, you came with treats. So you make me happy, my team happy, and I'm excited. Yes. You've got a new book out and tell me how to pronounce it again.

• 3:50Speaker 01

  Kintsugi.

• 3:51Lewis Howes?

  Kintsugi. What, the T is silent or no?

• 3:53Speaker 01

  Kintsugi. So in Japanese typically you wouldn't say tsu, T S U is pronounced tsu.

• 4:00Lewis Howes?

  Got it.

• 4:01Speaker 01

  So very faintly with the T.

• 4:04Lewis Howes?

  Kintsugi Wellness, The Japanese Art of Nourishing Body, Mind, Body and Spirit. And you've been in the wellness space for a long time. You've been, you were on Top Chef, right? One of the first season?

• 4:15Speaker 01

  The first, yeah.

• 4:16Lewis Howes?

  You know my buddy Fabio Viviani, shout out to Fabio.

• 4:19Speaker 01

  Love him.

• 4:20Lewis Howes?

  You were a model before that, then you got into the nutrition world, chef world. You know, you worked at restaurants. You've done it all, right?

• 4:27Speaker 01

  Right.

• 4:28Lewis Howes?

  And you've been in media for a long time, talking about nutrition, the body wellness, but now you're transitioning more into this topic, which is kind of bringing it all together.

• 4:37Lewis Howes?

  Without being a pun, right? Putting it all back together.

• 4:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 4:41Lewis Howes?

  So tell me what this is all about.

• 4:43Speaker 01

  I love that you bring that up because it's taken me my entire career to put myself back together. And it was, it was also little moments in my career that tore me apart. And when you start getting down to it, we try to make everything look pretty. But it truly, at the end of the day, it, it never really was. And it's still a work in progress. So kintsugi is the art of golden repair in Japanese. So it is based on the metaphor of an object breaking in Japanese culture. If an object was broken, they sometimes would put it back together if it was valuable or loved or beloved. And then they would seal it with lacquer and dust it with golden powder.

• 5:24Speaker 01

  And in certain cases, back in the day of the feudal lord era, a servant, if they broke something of a master's, would get it fixed with kintsugi, return it, and then they would kill themselves, which is.

• 5:35Lewis Howes?

  No way.

• 5:35Speaker 01

  It's true and shocking. And the first time a kintsugi master I studied under in Kyoto told me that story, I said the same thing. I was like, there's no way. And he's like, it is true.

• 5:46Lewis Howes?

  It's not in every case.

• 5:47Speaker 01

  No, thank God.

• 5:50Speaker 01

  That would be crazy.

• 5:50Lewis Howes?

  Crazy.

• 5:51Speaker 01

  But when I started to research it, it's done with pottery, with ceramics. They believe the object is more beautiful after it's been golden repaired.

• 6:02Lewis Howes?

  After it's been broken.

• 6:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:04Lewis Howes?

  Not by looking perfect.

• 6:06Speaker 01

  It's essentially the process of putting it back together and looking at the object put back together with the golden cracks that makes it more beautiful. Because if something was just so perfect, an object of perfection in Japanese culture is not foreseen as beautiful all the time, whereas something more like wabi-sabi, which means looking at something and celebrating its imperfections, that is more beautiful in Japanese culture. So what I'm trying to do as a Japanese American is now look back at my life and say, I don't look like everyone else. I wasn't raised like everyone else. I was discriminated against tremendously. Not so much in the modeling world,

• 6:51Speaker 01

  but more so in the food world just by being a girl that wanted to transition. And then-

• 6:56Lewis Howes?

  From a model to-

• 6:57Speaker 01

  Yeah, that was not easy. But it-

• 7:00Lewis Howes?

  It's like, go back to your modeling thing.

• 7:01Speaker 01

  Exactly, I'm sure. It would have paid for all my culinary school, so-

• 7:05Lewis Howes?

  There you go.

• 7:05Speaker 01

  That was the buyout was modeling also taught me how to hustle. And I wouldn't know how to hustle if it wasn't for all my colleagues in modeling and the agents and stuff that were pushing me to work hard, to build clientele, to work with my heart. But also, back then, it was about material things. It was about physicality and beauty on the outside. And inside, with the art of kintsugi in mind, I was broken, I was not happy. I tortured myself to be perfect all the time. There are glimpses of those moments that still haunt me to this day. And I kind of realized, like, if I'm speaking to young women and women about kintsugi wellness,

• 7:49Speaker 01

  what can I do to be honest and vulnerable and to change the industry? Because for so long, I did just write for Shape and Women's Health and Self and Men's Health and Men's Fitness. And now Cosmo Girl Lost Well and Good. And it's like, everything was so basic and safe. And I was never that girl. Like, I was raised by a Japanese mom, Polish-American dad. He was in the US Navy. She was in Japan. They met in Japan. And then he brought her back to the US. And my sister and I, raised by immigrant parents, were raised by a tiger mom.

• 8:27Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 8:27Speaker 01

  And I was raised in San Diego, which was predominantly Hispanic and white. So I got teased. And I remembered, like, while writing this book, I felt all the pain on every page, more than any other book I've ever written, because it wasn't basic anymore. It wasn't safe anymore.

• 8:45Lewis Howes?

  It wasn't just five simple ways to do X, Y, and Z. Gotcha, yeah.

• 8:48Speaker 01

  Five great ways to have hot sex.

• 8:51Lewis Howes?

  Exactly.

• 8:51Speaker 01

  It's like, come on, guys. We've put this on every cover for the last 20 years. Like, by now, we should know how to have great sex.

• 8:59Lewis Howes?

  Exactly, yeah. What's been the, uh, what was the hardest thing for you to reflect on?

• 9:05Speaker 01

  Well, I cried during many of the chapters. I wrote an intro chapter on my breakup, which was diluted so much when it came to the final, final rounds. Because most of the people that really care about me, including my team and my publisher and just my friends and colleagues, they said, "You don't need this person to be a part of your story." And I had to stop then, I'm like, "Look, this isn't glorifying anybody. This is me being really real." Like, people do shitty things to other people, and it's not all golden. And being a public person while those shitty things are happening to you, that was beyond, I didn't even actually know what to do.

• 9:48Speaker 01

  So, I remembered being on a flight from New York to San Diego and crying the entire way writing one of the chapters. I probably had tears and snot all over my face, and people around me probably thought I was insane. But I would wear my headphones and sit in front of my laptop for hours. So, it was almost like drawing out the sorrows and the pain and the agony into the pages. And then, I also really hurt when I was teased for being Japanese, because as early as preschool, I can remember being teased for looking different. And the sad part was, was that I always liked who I was.

• 10:29Speaker 01

  And I didn't understand why children were mean to other kids just because of the way that they looked. So, it was amazing when I started to write about discrimination against Asians, because some people would write to me, like, on Instagram comments and say, "Hey Candice, like, thanks for bringing this to my attention. I didn't know that Asians were discriminated against." And then, it takes me back to even reading about the Japanese internment camps and how this entire generation of Japanese Americans, they weren't even Japanese, they were actual American citizens, had to pack up their bags and leave and go to camps, and... Nobody did anything wrong.

• 11:10Speaker 01

  Actually, all the spies during the war were from other parts of the world, including the US. They didn't find one person who was Japanese that was spying on the US. And in the end, it scarred an entire nation. But in coming out of it, like Kintsugi, this is a country that has survived two atomic bombs, not just one. In the history of the world, it's the only country that's had two bombs dropped on it. But look at how they've come out. You don't see them, they don't harbor on it. They don't hate the Americans. In fact, they love us more than anyone. It is.

• 11:49Lewis Howes?

  Why is that?

• 11:50Speaker 01

  You know what? My aunt went through the war, my great aunt. Takuko Netchan is what we call her, which means Takuko, big sis. She said that during the war, they had radio. And radio in Japan back then said, "We're winning the war. Can you believe it? We're winning the war. Everything is great. We're winning." So they thought we were winning. And then when the bombs started to drop, which by the way, my mother's hometown was one that was on the list or around her hometown. The only reason why they chose Hiroshima was because the weather was clear in that area that morning.

• 12:26Lewis Howes?

  So they could see it.

• 12:26Speaker 01

  Crazy. There was a T-shaped bridge that they used as a target, and you could see it. It's fascinating to learn about the history of the bomb. The pilots that dropped the bombs had nightmares for the rest of their lives. Yeah. What a horrific job to have and responsibility.

• 12:45Lewis Howes?

  How many people died?

• 12:46Speaker 01

  Oh, thousands, in an instant. It was like in a flash. They had a demonstration at the Peace Memorial Museum, and basically your skin would melt right off of your body.

• 12:57Lewis Howes?

  Crazy.

• 12:57Speaker 01

  And that was if you lived. And then after that, radiation haunted them for many, many, many years after.

• 13:04Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 13:05Speaker 01

  But the recovery of Hiroshima, I have not been to Nagasaki, but I have been to Hiroshima and Okinawa, which both served as different places in Japan who have survived a horrendous amount of turmoil and trauma from war. And they don't talk about it in a way that they're ashamed, or scared, or crying, or whining. There's a Japanese term in the book called gaman, and it means with great resilience. And so they show, they never tell, in Japanese culture, they show you their honor and pride. And so my Aunt Takuko said, while they said, "We're winning, we're winning, we're winning," we just knew it was war. So we have no ill will towards you.

• 13:45Speaker 01

  Even George San, is what they call my dad, when George San wanted to marry my mom, they were actually open to it, which is insane, but... Because my grandparents even had to flee.

• 13:58Lewis Howes?

  Your dad's American?

• 13:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:59Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 13:59Speaker 01

  My grandparents had to flee from Tokyo back to the countryside because they started dropping bombs on them. So there's a lot of history between the US and Japan, which is why it's important to postmark even like what the US-Japan Council does. Their work helps to serve as a bridge between the two countries. We have a lot of imports from them. They're still, in my opinion, the leaders of technology.

• 14:24Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 14:25Speaker 01

  One of my greatest mentors, James Higa, used to work under Steve Jobs at Apple for 30 years. And he was born in Okinawa and raised Japanese-American. And he, among many other people, including Steve Aoki, or Ann Curry. There's a couple of other high-profile, like say even like the governor of Hawaii, the former governors, that have done a really good job implementing the bridge between US and Japan.

• 14:52Lewis Howes?

  That's cool.

• 14:53Speaker 01

  Because if you can imagine, there's probably a lot of pain that turned into progress later on. And then as a child of war, my father was stationed out in Yokosuka, which is close to Tokyo, when he met my mother, who was just a really pretty Japanese schoolteacher, visiting a temple on the same day as he was. I feel that now, like we were saying, it was so basic to write those cover lines and, Candice, we want you to write a story on...

• 15:21Lewis Howes?

  Making matcha.

• 15:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 15:24Speaker 01

  Instead of that assignment, who would give me the life assignment of being a bridge or a messenger? So I just, I said, I have to do this. And it wasn't even, I wasn't even ready to do it because I was in that breakup a few years ago and I was crying and I was sad. I was on the couch at Harper Collins and Julie, my editor, goes, "It's time to write your Japanese book." And I was like, "Oh, no, I'm gonna write Clean Green Wellness." And she's like, "No." And then I was like, "Oh, I'm not in my twenties anymore."

• 15:57Lewis Howes?

  So what happened after that? So you went through, so you were in a relationship for a long time, is that right?

• 16:01Speaker 01

  Couple of years, yeah.

• 16:02Lewis Howes?

  And then you just had a challenging breakup? I don't think on the details, but it was challenging for you? It was heartbreaking, it was identity shifting or all these things? And then what did you decide to do? Did you go back to Japan?

• 16:15Speaker 01

  It was a really confusing time because I actually was in that moment, and I know everyone's been there through a breakup, where I didn't even know what to wear, I didn't know what to eat, I didn't wear makeup for months, I didn't eat any meat, and I didn't drink alcohol because I knew that that would make things worse. It would like magnify. So instead of like parting and rebounding, I mean, I couldn't even think about looking at another man. It took me a while. Now I'm great.

• 16:48Speaker 01

  But then I was like, "Oh, God, this is terrible. I'm like a vegetable." So I already had a Japanese trip planned to go see my mother and my grandmother who was passing away. And I also had this random trip to Okinawa planned before I saw my mom. So I went there and I...

• 17:05Lewis Howes?

  Had you been to Japan before?

• 17:07Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah, since I was five. So mom was smart and she started introducing the culture to Jenny and I when we were babies. So that's why I keep asking my parents. I'm like, "What the [bleep] did you do to us when we were little?" Because there's no stopping. My sister's an entrepreneur in London and I'm, who knows what I am here, but... She took us there when we were little, so there was a lot of healing. There was a lot of handholding with my grandma at the hospital. So she couldn't speak at a certain point. So we would just go and see her. And we knew when she saw us, she knew we were there. So there was a lot of like acknowledgement of what we call mononou aware in Japanese, which means the pathos of life.

• 17:52Speaker 01

  It's kind of accepting the sad. And I often write about the rain over the mountains from her hospital window. And I remembered my ex at the time, who I was around one of the trips. Because I would go there many times. He was like out on a press trip, like partying it up with his friends. And the crazy part about social media is like you can see what people are doing in real time. And while I was like holding her hand mourning in a hospital, he's just like out and about doing his thing. And it really, I still remember it. And it brought so much pain and sadness to me. So when I did go on the trip to heal, the intent wasn't even to heal. I saw my dad before I left. So he was holding down the fort in San Diego.

• 18:36Speaker 01

  And he's like, he barely said anything to me because he knew how much pain I was in. But he's like, I need you to get over this soon. And I need you to focus on work and move on. Your dad said this? Yes. And he said, you're going to come out of this better. And I never ever believed it. Because when you're in the middle of a breakup, you think. It's like the worst time in the world, yeah. I mean, I look back and laugh, but it was terrible. So I get there and I didn't tell my mom that he basically lost his job in Visa and bailed. One day, the day before one of my books came out, he left. And I had a book release party that next day in front of 200 people at the Deepak Shoppers Center at ABC Home. And I think.

• 19:22Speaker 01

  Michelle P. put it great. She's like, Candice, you definitely went on autopilot. And I remembered also, like, a lot of my girls said, you gotta call a spade a spade. And you've gotta, if somebody does that to you, you know you have to move on. Because there isn't another per, you don't need to be, people like us are not wired to be with people that would not withhold. Or just somebody who gives up so easily. I could never be with somebody like that. And when I went to Japan, I told my mom, and she's like, oh. She's like, it's okay, you are going to get through this.

• 19:58Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 19:59Speaker 01

  And maybe next time you should do it to Shu to Baldi. Because she kept telling me that a Shu to Baldi guy would never leave me.

• 20:08Speaker 01

  I was like, excuse me? I'm like crying, you know, like, that's not what I want to hear.

• 20:14Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 20:15Speaker 01

  But humor was always her way of sort of coping.

• 20:18Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 20:19Speaker 01

  And also being like, you better move on now. In Japanese culture, there is no time, again, gaman, with great resilience, there is no time to [bleep] and feel sorry for yourself. They hold pain in.

• 20:34Lewis Howes?

  Wow, is that healthy?

• 20:36Speaker 01

  I'm not sure, but.

• 20:39Lewis Howes?

  I don't know if that's healthy.

• 20:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, but.

• 20:41Lewis Howes?

  I think there should be a time of like grieving and like allowing yourself to move through your emotions and feelings. And then, okay, there's a time, like enough is enough.

• 20:48Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:49Lewis Howes?

  You don't need to hold on to this for years to hold you back from living a beautiful life. But I think there's a balance between resilience and allowing yourself to express yourself, you know, and to feel.

• 21:01Speaker 01

  You are right, because without the grieving and the sadness, there's a beautiful contrast to life. My sister says, without light, darkness cannot exist, and vice versa. And so we must, mono no awa de, like, appreciate the pathos in life when it's there. Because it makes the joyous times and the bright times brighter, more colorful, more real. And I've never been this mindful and this present in my entire career.

• 21:35Lewis Howes?

  That's good.

• 21:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, I'm no longer basic. I've got the light in me and I am like, I'm just ready, like in divine timing, right? You would agree, like, it doesn't happen overnight.

• 21:50Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm. Takes time, yeah. You need those lessons. So how long were you staying in Japan then, after this breakup?

• 21:57Speaker 01

  I stayed there, I usually stay there for about a month with mom, and sometimes I go places by myself. I cry almost all the time when I'm alone on the train, or when I'm listening to a song, and reflecting. That particular trip was really gnarly and sad, but it started to open up a light in me. And I said, wellness is so crowded, I don't want to do this anymore. What am I, who am I? What do I have to offer the world that's different? And I didn't even have to try, because you know how they kind of say the magic is always in, everything is in you, the light, even the darkness? This book was always in me, but I wasn't ready to write it or tell it.

• 22:41Speaker 01

  And in fact, a lot of it came from shame, and being different, and not knowing how people would expect, or how they would react. So mostly fear is what holds me back from pursuing.

• 22:54Lewis Howes?

  Oh, really?

• 22:55Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 22:57Speaker 01

  But no more. I also was always afraid to be successful, because I thought it would hold me back from finding a good man, which is a really weird thought, yeah. I've never brought that up, but for my speaking event itself, I said, I'm actually gonna bring this up, because I can guarantee you there are other women that do the same.

• 23:17Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 23:17Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:18Lewis Howes?

  They don't want to be too intimidating, or too intimidating to men, right?

• 23:22Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 23:22Lewis Howes?

  Which meant when they're something.

• 23:23Speaker 01

  But everyone keeps saying to me, they're like, Candice, you can't do that, because the person that you end up with is going to love this about you.

• 23:30Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. Or they're not the right fit.

• 23:34Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, when you find him, call me, so.

• 23:38Lewis Howes?

  Sometimes you gotta change your environment, you know? Maybe you've been in New York for too long.

• 23:41Speaker 01

  I know.

• 23:43Lewis Howes?

  So why did you wanna do this type of book then? You know, you've been in the food and nutrition space for a long time. How is this different than anything else?

• 23:52Speaker 01

  Oh my gosh, it's so unique. It's so it's 12 Japanese lessons or sections of like kintsugi, kaizen, gaman, shikatakanai, which means it cannot be helped. That's Donald Trump all the way.

• 24:07Speaker 01

  We don't have to open up that can of worms. There's yuimaru, which is your circle of friends. Kaizen is continuous improvement. Gaman is with great resilience. And then towards the end of the book, we get into kansha, which is gratitude. And ossetai at the end means welcoming gifts or being of service. So like in Japanese culture, there's a lot of untranslatable words. And I was like, oh, I get it, Mom. Like, all the stuff that you taught me and Jenny, she's a Japanese language teacher in San Diego.

• 24:39Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 24:40Speaker 01

  So she's like, you know, me and your father, we kind of, if I could just raise you, I don't know, but we did. Like, well, whatever you did, it must have been great because there's no way that Jenny and I could ever fail. But also, with that, the pain came out while I was writing. The truth came out. I said, no more like plain basic. Like, that's just not me. And this is the time. If not now, when? And I don't think there's a better year to come out the gate strong with a book that's about embracing our differences and celebrating our imperfections.

• 25:20Lewis Howes?

  Wow. What's the biggest lesson you learned about yourself through the last couple of years then?

• 25:25Speaker 01

  What a great question.

• 25:27Lewis Howes?

  Of the breakup or of things you discovered from the rituals that you talk about in the book or? From a conversation late night with your mom?

• 25:35Speaker 01

  I mean, it's great that you bring her up. One thing I know for sure, my mother's principal at school said this. He said, if there's one person that I could pick to inherit the world, it would be Miho Kumai, my mom. She's probably more powerful than I am, but she's not somebody who wants to be public. So she would never write a book or share Japanese heritage. But it's bizarre that the universe, God, whoever it is, chose me to be her daughter. Because I could write and I could speak and I could be in front of the camera. And so I think one of the greatest gifts was having her,

• 26:17Speaker 01

  Kumai sensei, my mom, relay. And my father too, an incredible guy of integrity and grace and philanthropic soul. I watched them and in Japanese culture, they say that children learn from what their parents do, not by what they say. And so I believe the greatest thing is probably paying an homage to my parents in saying, you did really well. And although I'm not perfect and neither is Jenny, she's like 3,000 tattoos and piercings and runs a cycling shop in like the most hipster part of London and still doesn't know she's a hipster, which makes her more hipster. So it's just saying that like,

• 27:01Speaker 01

  I'm so happy that you stayed Buddhist and you stayed Christian. So dad's Christian, mom's Buddhist. I'm so happy that mom chose to raise us Japanese. I can't imagine what it was like to raise two American girls in the middle of San Diego when you're full Japanese and your husband's, you know, an American going off to work every day. But I feel like they did a good job. And I'm not successful, but I'd like to acknowledge that they are successful.

• 27:29Lewis Howes?

  Right. That's cool. That's really cool. How do you think being broken makes us actually stronger?

• 27:35Speaker 01

  Well, if somebody has got this perfect life where everything's handed to them, maybe their dad gave them a million dollars to start their business. Maybe they were sort of under the impression that life was...

• 27:52Speaker 01

  Like they were entitled, let's put it that way. That life was gonna be easy and everything should be handed to them. I don't find that to be attractive at all. And in fact, the people that I really am drawn to the most are the ones who had grit and grace written all over them. Because the people that overcome the obstacles are the most humble and loving and caring people. And I think their stories are what make them great. And so when you're broken, you have a story. And one day, when you share it, you're gonna help other people to heal and you're gonna open and allow. And when we open and share, we allow others to do the same. It's like that Marion Williamson quote.

• 28:37Speaker 01

  And it's my favorite quote ever. Like when you shine, you allow others around you to shine. And we are all liberated by our light, not our darkness.

• 28:48Lewis Howes?

  That's powerful, yeah. What's the thing you've learned about wellness in general? In terms of nutrition, mind-body connection? You talk about community in here and how community makes us healthier. What is the thing? You know, again, with all the information out there about nutrition and wellness, what's the real principles that you believe we should be thinking about? With every different diet and fat and technique and strategy, what's it come down to?

• 29:15Speaker 01

  This is another great question because for so long, we're taught, you know, X amount of calories, X amount of workouts, X amount of sleep. And it's like, okay, great, now that I got that down. So meditation added another layer of like, I don't know what it's doing to me, but I like it. So I always say, if it feels good, do it. And that could be many things.

• 29:39Lewis Howes?

  Ice cream feels good going down. I don't know if that means I should do it, Doug, because it doesn't feel good like four hours later in the bathroom or something.

• 29:48Speaker 01

  Hey, I'm there too. That's another good point. Is to like let up on yourself a little bit. And that's more the wabi-sabi chapter about celebrating imperfection. It's like, well, I am a former model, fit model, and I don't look like that every day. And I want people to know that. Like, I have days where I'm gaining weight and I catch myself and I'm like, hey, you need to go work out a little bit more. And there's that line of balance, which everybody talks about. Here's the problem with our industry. We tell people to do X and Y, but we don't actually show them how to do it. And so by being a living example, I'll meditate, I will work out, I will socialize, which helps me to feel good because I'm connecting with girlfriends. You don't have to do this part,

• 30:31Speaker 01

  but what helps me to feel good is helping other people every day. I really believe in that osseti chapter, which means welcoming gifts and being of service. So my dad volunteers at a shelter and my mom helps out all the pets and animals and the kids at school. And my sister runs a nonprofit in London. And it's like, if I didn't give to my community, why the [__] am I even doing this?

• 30:56Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 30:56Speaker 01

  So there's this element of like,

• 31:00Speaker 01

  helping others feels good, so I'm gonna keep doing it. And when I said that earlier, like, sure, some people will be like, drugs feel good, I'm gonna do them. Fine, in moderation. Like, I'm also really honest and open. Like, sure, I'll go on a bender with some hot guy over the weekend, no problem. I still wanna do those fun things. I'm not gonna let go because I'm the golden girl of wellness. I'm gonna be as real as I possibly can, because being real is also wellness. Like, you can't tell people that you're gonna stay the same size and weight and shape for the rest of your life. You won't. That is a sure thing. The wrinkles will come, the under eye circles will come, you'll get a little muffin top, you'll start to see your ass is gonna start dropping, all that.

• 31:46Speaker 01

  And so you will have to work on keeping it real, but you also need to let up a little bit and have some fun.

• 31:54Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. What do you think is the biggest challenge that a lot of Americans face, specifically with food, nutrition, balancing their lifestyle with so much information and... People saying different things. You know, different strategies about how to live healthier. Again, specifically with food nutrition and things like that. But what's your feedback for people?

• 32:15Speaker 01

  Well, we know that staying fit and healthy, quote unquote, is a mathematical equation. So it's like what you take in, what you burn off is what you you're gonna be. And it's true, like, your body was meant to move. And so I will always tell people, find something you love. My dad's a cyclist. He does thirteen miles a day, so does my sister.

• 32:37Lewis Howes?

  That's cool.

• 32:38Speaker 01

  My mom gardens and has this beautiful adoration for flowers and gardening. I'm a bar junkie, so pure bar, bar method, any kind of bar. Not that kind, though, but sometimes. And then I'm also a yoga, like, girl. I went this morning. I was around like-minded people. We sweated it out. I love it when they adjust me. I want a shirt that says, please adjust me on the back. If you find what makes you feel good, it doesn't feel like forced. Because I know a lot of people hate working out.

• 33:12Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 33:12Speaker 01

  But I will say, staying active is gonna keep you young. By studying the Okinawans over the last few years, I learned from them, lots of vegetables and fruits. They garden themselves. So sweet potato, the emo, kept them alive through the war. And many of them live long because they socialize their whole life. So they have a community.

• 33:32Lewis Howes?

  They're part of a community. It's just unhealthy, yeah.

• 33:34Speaker 01

  And then I also think that they believe in changing your mindset. So that we know also. I think Deepak Chopra is one of the best teachers that we have because he actually shows us how we can change our mindset. And a lot of it is meditation and practice and focusing on the notion that everyone is trying their best. And if we can stop.

• 34:01Speaker 01

  Trying to be somebody we're not. Like, I really prefer to just be this Candice, rather than the one that you see on TV for five minutes while I'm on The Today Show or on Dr. Oz or on judging Iron Shep or something. Because that Candice is like buttoned up and perfect. And, oh, I love the knife cuts on this. It looks great. It's like, nobody gives a shit about the knife cuts. Like, let's just talk real. So, this is much more my speed. But that's the other thing I think we should remember is, find what makes you feel good in your career, in your personal life, and in your physical, like, life, as in, like, fitness.

• 34:43Speaker 01

  Personally, too, like, if your mate and partner is not supporting you and loving you for the most part, you probably shouldn't be in that relationship. I feel better being single now and loving myself and having the right people around me before I meet the right person. So, I also want women and girls, especially young girls, to know, like, you don't need a man to make you complete. And in fact, like, when you have options, it's fun. Of course, like, it sounds so now to be this girl, but it is exactly who I am. Before I settle down, I'd love to play the field.

• 35:24Lewis Howes?

  There you go. There you go.

• 35:27Speaker 01

  By the way, I am, but, you know. Just greatly.

• 35:31Lewis Howes?

  Well, it sounds like you're being who you are now. Why do you think so many of us are afraid to be who we really are?

• 35:37Speaker 01

  I love this question, and my god, my brain has tried to think, okay, so, young age, we grew up seeing, like, say, models or actors on TV, and we're like, oh, I should be like this person. I mean, growing up, my parents were really cool and laid back, and they were honest. Honest, honest, honest, which later in life comes into play. Like, my sister and I had to help others. We had to be honest, and we had to work hard, because we watched my parents do that. I think there's a weird, distorted period of school with other kids where you start reading the teen mags, and you start having the crushes on the boys and the girls, and you're like... Oh, I don't fit in, I'm different.

• 36:22Speaker 01

  Nobody likes me because I'm half Asian. And like, when I got teased for it when I was younger, the flip happened and in high school, these boys started to be like, oh my god, Candice. Like, and I'm like, oh, you didn't think I forgot?

• 36:34Lewis Howes?

  Right, right.

• 36:35Speaker 01

  I remember who used to tease me. And that was weird because I was like, I identified with being different my whole life and mixed. So I think there's a lot of like, oh, I wish I was, you know, like my friends who are blonde hair and blue eyed. And then when I got older, I met girls that were like me at Long Beach State. And Christina and Tina and Casey and all the cute Asian girls in our group, Kelly, they were all mixed. And I was like, wow, like, these girls are gorgeous. And, and they're like, yeah, but you're like us. And so confidence isn't always built up during those young years. And when you get older, I think a lot of us are, like, people probably look even at you, Lewis,

• 37:20Speaker 01

  and they're like, wow, like, what an awesome guy. I want to be like him. I want to grow up and play football. And then like, there are many people that have the same thing happen to you. Like, their dreams get crushed by an injury and they don't live up to this standard. So wabi-sabi is a celebration of imperfection. I started to realize that I like who I am in real life more than I like the Candice that is trying to be this persona.

• 37:55Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 37:55Speaker 01

  And so, a very wise therapist once told me, the best people keep their persona and their person close. He said, don't let your persona leave who you are, leave who you are as a person. Like, keep them as close together as possible.

• 38:14Lewis Howes?

  So that your persona is who you are?

• 38:16Speaker 01

  Yes, because that's you.

• 38:18Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 38:19Speaker 01

  That's Fabio, that's Gabby, that's half our friends that are living. Like, and I find that to be attractive.

• 38:27Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, it's hard to live two different lives. You know, it's hard to have a persona that you turn on and then be yourself the other half of the time. That's why I think you should just always be yourself. It's just a lot more challenging and stressful to manage it any other way.

• 38:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, but like, when did we all like hit that button? Even Ariana, like, people were probably like, I was scared to be Ariana Figgin' for the first time that I met her. I was like, oh my God, you're the nicest person. And that's another thing is just kindness and empathy and compassion go so far. You don't have to be a shithead to make it in this industry. I had a producer on set like scream, "There will not be another poached egg." Like, so loud that it rattled the entire set. And when I went home that day, I was so grateful that I was not that way.

• 39:21Speaker 01

  And I don't care what anybody says, I find that you can be a good person to the core and still make it, even if you get trampled on.

• 39:32Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 39:32Speaker 01

  I truly believe someone is taking notes.

• 39:35Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 39:35Speaker 01

  But that is such a mysterious question, Louis, that I don't really know if we can answer it because I feel like it's different for every person.

• 39:43Lewis Howes?

  It's true, yeah. Going back to food for a second, how closely related is food and our emotional stability? How are they connected?

• 39:54Speaker 01

  As in, like?

• 39:56Lewis Howes?

  The foods we eat.

• 39:57Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 39:57Lewis Howes?

  How much does it affect our emotional stability?

• 40:00Speaker 01

  Well.

• 40:01Lewis Howes?

  Our emotions, the way we feel.

• 40:03Speaker 01

  I know that I like to eat well 90% of the time, which means fruits and veggies because it makes me feel good and my body always seems to look better and I feel better. My gut, I like to keep very healthy, so I eat a lot of probiotics, but they're not in pill form or anything like that. It's in miso, it's in soy sauce, it's in yogurt, it's in fermented like pickles. We call them tsukimono in Japanese.

• 40:38Speaker 01

  I believe that when your body is feeling good and you're moving every day and your digestion's really good and you're sleeping well, that you will feel your best also. And of course, disease can plague anyone through genetics and that's almost like a lottery. So I'd like to think if you have your health right now, you have everything. Your family and your health. Those are the two things that you should be the most grateful for because once you don't have one or the other, you'll go down.

• 41:13Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 41:14Speaker 01

  So it's important to have the support system along with the health. But you do have to take care of yourself. And I think that alcohol is something that, that was the first thing I thought of when you brought up emotion and food because we like to drink in our American society amongst the Japanese and the Brits and everybody. But it doesn't do us any good to overconsume alcohol. And so instead of accepting the fact that, oh, like maybe alcohol will help me to relax, like.

• 41:45Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 41:46Speaker 01

  Sometimes I think abstaining makes you feel a thousand times better in the long run. Celebratory, fine. Smoke weed in Cali, great. It's legal here, have fun. I'm stoked. But I certainly think that it's not something that's gonna add plus value the way a balanced diet will.

• 42:08Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 42:09Speaker 01

  I'll be honest, I'm not gonna eat like those cookies I made all day, every day, but I do, I love them and I had like five of them already. So it's all things in moderation, yeah.

• 42:20Lewis Howes?

  Of course. Very cool. I'll make sure you guys check out the book. I'm gonna try to say the name again. Kintsugi, is that right?

• 42:26Speaker 01

  Kintsugi, yeah.

• 42:28Lewis Howes?

  Kintsugi Wellness, The Japanese Art of Nourishing Mind, Body and Spirit. Check it out. Couple of questions final for you. This one's called The Three Truths. You've written many books, you've done a lot of videos, you're sure you'll do many more books and content for the rest of your life. But imagine that this is the last day for you and you're a hundred and something and you have to take everything with you on your last day. So all the content you've put out there, the videos, the books, everything you've done, you can't leave it in the world, you have to take it with you. But you have a piece of paper and a pen to write down the three things you knew to be true about your existence that you would pass on to the world. You can only have three lessons to leave behind.

• 43:10Lewis Howes?

  From everything you've learned, whether it be your parents, or Japanese rituals, or a breakup, what would you say are the three lessons that you would leave behind if it was your last day?

• 43:19Speaker 01

  And for the record, I did not know this question would be asked. But I will say I love a good challenge and a curveball. Right now, I'm going through that transition of like, watching a lot of my friends and colleagues in relationships. And it doesn't mean that they're all extremely happy, or sad, either way. I'm just, I want people to know that being in a relationship is work. It changes who you are as a person. And I have learned that being single is a wonderful gift. And if somebody doesn't want to be with you, fucking let them leave. Bye. Number two.

• 44:03Speaker 01

  I think being different, quote unquote, is also a gift. But you must accept that the way you look, and who you are, and how you were raised, and where you came from, and what your parents were like, all of it, good, bad, ugly, is happening to you for a reason. And so if you can make lemonade, please make it and share it with others, because life is so much better filling your cup first and then serving others. We leave this world, all of us will, that is a sure thing.

• 44:47Speaker 01

  And if we can leave it better than we found it, whether it be, you know, education, this amazing podcast work that you're inspiring people with, whether it be books, children, gardens, whatever it is, I'd like for people to leave the world better than they found it.

• 45:09Lewis Howes?

  Mm-hmm. Cool.

• 45:11Speaker 01

  And then I think lastly, my mother says that life is easier when you always do the right thing. And so if we can be more honest, and if we can be real and live in the present moment, that in itself is a gift.

• 45:27Speaker 01

  I don't know if I'm gonna get married in two years like that psychic told me last week. I don't know. She also said that he was in Cali and I had never met him before. I just pointed out that she brought up blonde hair too. I was like, geez, lady. She's British. Her name is Marion.

• 45:48Speaker 01

  I don't know if I will have everything that I've ever wished for. But I know that I have to just trust. Because if I don't, I have to like, believe, right? If I don't, what's the point in worrying? My father wrote my sister and I letters when Donald Trump was elected. And at the very end of it, he barely speaks. So when he writes, you listen.

• 46:15Speaker 01

  He said, "No politician will ever affect your lives or your daily lives. Other people will be president, including a woman, and you will not let this affect you. And please remember this: don't sweat the small stuff because life is full of surprises."

• 46:35Lewis Howes?

  That was beautiful. That's very nice of him.

• 46:38Speaker 01

  So that's how I have to just trust. I don't know who he is. I don't know where the kids are gonna come into the picture. All I know is that I'm having fun right now and I've just gotta keep going. And I wrote this book, so it's time to promote it with my whole heart. And I can't miss a beat. Like, I wanna do everything I can to help. So I really believe in others like letting that mask come off, especially in the next few years. And just start helping other people.

• 47:14Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, that's great.

• 47:15Speaker 01

  Don't be such a shithead.

• 47:16Lewis Howes?

  There you go.

• 47:18Lewis Howes?

  I want to acknowledge you for a moment for stepping into who you are and for allowing yourself to be okay being broken and putting yourself back together with gold because it's a beautiful journey that you've been on and you're learning so much and teaching so much to so many other people. So I acknowledge you for that. Make sure you guys get the book, Kintsugi Wellness and follow you on Instagram and Twitter. What's your handles?

• 47:42Speaker 01

  It's at Candice Kumai, C-A-N-D-I-C-E-K-U-M as in Mary AI.

• 47:50Lewis Howes?

  There you go Candice Kumai. You can get the book online at your website. You can check her out on Instagram, Twitter and find it there as well. The final question is what's your definition of greatness?

• 48:00Speaker 01

  Well, man, I'd like to think that greatness is that moment at the end of the day where you say, did I do good? Do I feel good? And can I go to bed with peace? And I think really peace is the definition of greatness for all.

• 48:28Lewis Howes?

  There you go Candace. Thanks so much for coming on.

• 48:30Speaker 01

  Pleasure. Thanks Louis. This was so good.

• 48:37Lewis Howes?

  There you have it my friends. If you enjoyed this one, make sure to share it out with your friends. The link is lewishouse.com/623. You can get the full show notes, watch the full video over there. Check out all the quotables, the tweets, all those things are back at the website, lewishouse.com/623. Let me know what you think. Tag me on Instagram, tag Candace as well. We'd love to hear your thoughts on this one. As always, you guys know what to do. Leave a review over on iTunes if you haven't gone there yet. That's applepodcast.com/greatness to leave a review and spread the message of greatness. Spread some inspiration today. Smile at someone that is looking down. Give someone a hug who maybe needs one. Be kind

• 49:22Lewis Howes?

  to people. You have the opportunity to change the world around you. You may not feel like Have an impact to change the world at scale, but you can make a difference to people's lives around you. Everything you say, how you look at people, the things you do, all these things matter. Take one step forward to helping yourself improve your own life and improve the lives of someone around you. And as Cicero said, "Diseases of the soul are more dangerous and more numerous than those of the body." Make sure you're taking care of your soul today. On a soul level, are you healthy? Are you loved? Are you calm? And are you at peace? I love you so very much, and you know what time it is.

• 50:05Lewis Howes?

  It's time to go out there and do something great.