526 Conscious Parenting with Dr. Shefali Tsabary

"We need to keep our kids who they are; the rest will follow." - Dr. Shefali If you enjoyed this episode, check out show notes, video, and more at http;//lewishowes.com/526 Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Lewis Howes?

  This is episode number 526 with New York Times bestselling author, Dr. Shefali.

• 0:07Lewis Howes?

  Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, a former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week, we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 0:33Lewis Howes?

  Wayne Dyer said it best when he said, "Your children are not your children. They come through you, but they are life itself wanting to express itself." I was literally on the edge of my seat, listening to and enthralled by Dr. Shefali and what she was sharing with me, the wisdom, the insights of so much I learned about myself. We go deep in today. And for those that don't know who Dr. Shefali is, Oprah has endorsed her work as revolutionary and life-changing. Dr. Shefali's groundbreaking approach to parenting has taken her books to the top of the New York Times Bestseller List. Her blend of clinical psychology and

• 1:16Lewis Howes?

  eastern mindfulness sets her apart as a leader in the field of mindfulness psychology. And as an international speaker, she speaks at events around the globe, spreading her message of conscious parenting and mindful living. She also has a private practice where she consults with families and couples. And boy, did we go into it. We talked about the mental illness running through so many parents in our society. The question every person should ask themselves before choosing to become a parent. Why we need to think of children as coming through us instead of us creating them. If there is a way to parent the right way, what is it so that your kid isn't messed up? What the role of fear in

• 2:00Lewis Howes?

  parenting is, and how we can heal ourselves from the trauma of our parents. And also so many more things, guys. This blew me away. And make sure to screenshot this right now. Share with your friends over on Instagram story. Tag me, lewishowes.com/526 because it's about to get real. And my mind was blown. And before we dive in, I want to give a shout out to the fan of the week who left a review over on iTunes. This is from Ada who says, "Woo wee, a true display of great minds and ideas coming together. These interviews and insights will catapult you to a new heightened level of your true, unique greatness. So many tangible tools to implement into your life

• 2:43Lewis Howes?

  and business, et cetera, that will yield you results. You cannot afford to miss these and give yourself this gift today. Thank you, Lewis, for orchestrating this platform. Bravo." Thank you so much, Ada, for being the fan and the review of the week. And if this is your first time tuning in and you like this, make sure to leave a review over at iTunes and type in School of Greatness and let us know for your chance to be considered as the fan of the week. And a big shout out and thank you to ZipRecruiter. Now, I get so many entrepreneurs that ask me, "Lewis, how do you build the right team? How do you find the right people on your team to help you grow, scale, take things off your plate that don't support you?" Well,

• 3:23Lewis Howes?

  make sure to check out ziprecruiter.com/greatness. With ZipRecruiter, you can now post your job to 100-plus job sites with just one click, and then their powerful technology efficiently matches the right people to your job better than anyone else. In fact, over 80% of jobs posted on ZipRecruiter get qualified candidates in just 24 hours. So you don't have to go back and forth over email, checking people's references. You get it all in one place. And right now, you can post jobs at ZipRecruiter for free. Just go to ziprecruiter.com/greatness. Again, you can post jobs right now for free at ziprecruiter.com/greatness. And also, a big thank you to our sponsor, Lyft. If you're looking to earn extra cash on the side while you're building your business, or you're looking for that side hustle, make

• 4:08Lewis Howes?

  sure to check out lyft.com/greatness. You can earn hundreds of dollars a week, plus tips. And if you want to make more money, you just drive more. It's never been easier to give yourself a raise. Lyft was the first rideshare platform with tipping built right into the app because getting tipped shouldn't depend on your passenger having a crumpled bill in their pocket. You get to keep 100% of these tips and they add up fast. And drivers have been paid over $200 million since the feature was first introduced. Also, Express Pay lets you get paid almost instantly instead of waiting for weeks. So join the ridesharing company that believes in treating its people better. Go to lyft.com/greatness and get a $500 new driver bonus.

• 4:51Lewis Howes?

  Again, limited time only and terms apply. That's lyft.com/greatness. All right, get ready for your minds to be blown right away as we dive into this one with the one, the only Dr. Shafali.

• 5:10Lewis Howes?

  Welcome back everyone to the School of Greatness Podcast. We have the legendary Dr. Shafali in the house. Thank you so much for being here.

• 5:16Speaker 01

  Thank you, so excited.

• 5:17Lewis Howes?

  Very excited. Well, I've been introduced to you many times by dozens of people to have you on. So I'm very glad that we finally got you in the studio. And you've been doing a lot of work with parents and their kids for a long time. Is that right?

• 5:33Speaker 01

  Yes, yes. And it's not so much because I'm, you know, in love with parents particularly. It's because I realize how important those first years are. And as a therapist, I have been working with mostly adults. But then I would notice that no matter who the adult is, we inevitably spend all our time on their childhood. So then I figured if I want to make a difference in this world, and I always knew I wanted to write, then I need to go to the core of the issue. And the core of the issue is not the child, it's the parental unconscious. So if I can help the parent discover how unconscious they are and shed light on how messed up they

• 6:14Speaker 01

  are, and then help them to evolve into their highest self and really raise the parent, because all these parents haven't been raised well. You know, they were raised unconsciously. So if I could help them raise themselves, then we have a hope. For them to not mess up their kids so much.

• 6:32Lewis Howes?

  So you're like the parent whisperer.

• 6:34Speaker 01

  Well, kind of.

• 6:35Lewis Howes?

  You're like, parents are like dogs and you're teaching them, right?

• 6:38Speaker 01

  You're saying that. I didn't say that.

• 6:40Lewis Howes?

  You're like training them to like be the leader of the pack or something, right? You're like the.

• 6:44Speaker 01

  Well, just to just to become conscious of how unconscious they are. And this is serious, you know, the first ten years.

• 6:50Lewis Howes?

  Of course.

• 6:51Speaker 01

  Of a kid's life, that's it. Then you've irrevocably damaged them. Yeah, that's it. So if you can get the first ten years, you know, somewhat right. And if I can help parents to somewhat course correct after the first two years that they've already messed up. Then we have some hope, you know, to create or to help create a future for their children that's whole and wholesome.

• 7:14Lewis Howes?

  Is there any parents that you that actually can do it right? Is there a way to do it right so your kids aren't messed up? Or are we all messed up no matter how much love we receive, how much attention we get, or how much people care about us? If our parents missed one game, do we hold on to that as kids that like they didn't care about us no matter how hard they tried?

• 7:34Speaker 01

  Well, it's not about perfection and it's not about not messing up. So that's not the point.

• 7:39Lewis Howes?

  Got it.

• 7:39Speaker 01

  The point is to become curious about how the mess up teaches us how to become more evolved, how to become more authentic. Every parent will mess up. It's it's just an irrevocable truth of life. You know, how can you not? So we're here to discover.

• 7:59Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 7:59Speaker 01

  How to become more conscious. The only way to discover how to become more conscious is to see the unconsciousness. So what I really help parents do is penetrate their unconsciousness. And and transform that into consciousness.

• 8:13Lewis Howes?

  Got it.

• 8:13Speaker 01

  So it's not about avoiding unconsciousness. It's about living your most authentic truth, seeing the mess up and the chaos and walking on the landmines to then evolve.

• 8:23Lewis Howes?

  Right. And you grew up in India and you moved here when you were twenty one, is that right? Or in your early twenties and. What's the different culture like from India? I've been to India, but what's it like having parents? What's, I guess, the general theme of parenting there versus here in the US or in North America?

• 8:41Speaker 01

  Well, it's different on so many layers, but it's becoming uniform because the Western model seems to have overtaken the world, right? So there's a Starbucks and a McDonald's everywhere. So with parenting and so with cultural ideations. But I think if you go deeper, the differences are really about how the East looks at the self and how the West looks at the self. And that's why my work integrates the Eastern and the Western perspective. Because I grew up in the East, which has such a different ideology around what the self is, right, influenced by Hinduism and Buddhism. And then the West has this very iconoclastic, individualistic,

• 9:24Speaker 01

  doing, achievement-oriented ideation of the self. And both have their place, but they both need to be integrated to create the whole self. So that's what I really try to do with my clients and in my work is, yeah, we need to do and we need to strive in a Western sort of way, but if you're not going to underpin that with a deep philosophical Eastern understanding of impermanence and transience and

• 9:48Lewis Howes?

  Acceptance.

• 9:49Speaker 01

  And acceptance of the as-is, then you're going to screw it up. So to do both is really to have the dove fly, you know?

• 9:56Lewis Howes?

  Ooh, the dove's fly. Is that Prince?

• 10:00Speaker 01

  I just stole. Just plagiarized, yes.

• 10:02Lewis Howes?

  Is that Prince, though, right?

• 10:06Lewis Howes?

  Now, is it possible to raise kids without fighting with them?

• 10:13Speaker 01

  Without fighting with them?

• 10:14Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 10:15Speaker 01

  Well, the fight, you know, we can fight with people without ostensibly fighting, you know? The battle doesn't have to be in arms.

• 10:24Lewis Howes?

  Screaming and yelling and physical.

• 10:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, so what the real battle between a parent and child, which is more insidious than a yell and a fight, that's clear, is the battle of egos. Is the battle of my way versus your way.

• 10:38Lewis Howes?

  I'm right, you're wrong.

• 10:39Speaker 01

  You're, I'm right, you're wrong.

• 10:40Lewis Howes?

  I'm the father, parent, yeah.

• 10:41Speaker 01

  Exactly. And that's the toxicity of this paradigm, which I'm trying to shift. Because the traditional paradigm was I'm greater than, I'm the authority.

• 10:51Lewis Howes?

  I'm the teacher, you're the student.

• 10:52Speaker 01

  Absolutely, and you are here to do unto my command. And why did I have you, if not that, right? Oh, I didn't raise you to be, to question me and to defy me? No, I only have had you, of course, I won't admit this to the world because I'm gonna pretend like I'm here to raise a spirit, but really, the reason why I had you was just to follow me. So I can finally feel full and complete, because my parents never made me feel that. But I'll have you, and you'll be my minion of sorts. I won't admit this to anyone, but you know.

• 11:26Lewis Howes?

  Or I just forgot to wear protection and.

• 11:28Speaker 01

  Right, right, and then you're definitely gonna be my minion because I've made a mistake. I didn't even think about it. So now you've come to like mess up my life, you better like do it my way. And make me feel so good about myself, so I can tell all my friends. And you need to be the idealized version of everything I was never. Right, that's why I'm having you.

• 11:47Lewis Howes?

  More pressure on kids, huh?

• 11:48Speaker 01

  Yeah, but that's what it is. That's what the prevailing and pervasive parenting model is. And this is the toxicity in our culture, this is the mental illness. Because it's all separatist, right? So what we're seeing in the world today, the separation between right wing and left wing, or different cultures or different colors, stems from this toxicity in the parent-child dynamic. That's why I do the work I do, because this is the core. You understand, this is it, this is where it starts. Where the parent tells the other, you are not me, I cannot learn from you, you're separate from me, you will follow me. So what does that lead the child to do when the child goes out in the world? The same attitude of dogmatism and separation, authority and hierarchy, right?

• 12:31Lewis Howes?

  This is what's right, this is what's wrong, and I'm gonna take this belief into the world.

• 12:34Speaker 01

  Right, it's not oneness, the parent and child are not one. So what I try to do is shift the parent to understand that the child, if anything, is your teacher. And not in a subservient way, where you're giving up all charge, because that's what parents, you know, they can't stand. But it's truly to unionize the dynamic. Because when the child feels that they have come into this world with authority and sovereignty, then they will honor the authority and sovereignty of others, right? But if their authority is not tolerated, why should they tolerate the authority of others?

• 13:06Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 13:07Speaker 01

  So this is where it starts.

• 13:09Lewis Howes?

  What's the the perfect approach to being a parent? You've you just had a child, came home from the hospital or wherever you had the child from. And the child is developing in its first few years. How should you raise a child before it's able to verbally communicate?

• 13:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 13:26Lewis Howes?

  How do you raise a child to set yourself up and the child up?

• 13:30Speaker 01

  Right.

• 13:31Lewis Howes?

  For the best.

• 13:32Speaker 01

  Right.

• 13:32Lewis Howes?

  More most harmonious relationship.

• 13:34Speaker 01

  Right, well, ideally, since you're talking idealistically.

• 13:37Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 13:37Speaker 01

  Before you have a child.

• 13:38Lewis Howes?

  Okay, let's hear it.

• 13:39Speaker 01

  You need to, A, really think of your motivation to have a child. Because we don't think it through, we think this is how a family should be. And this is your number five on your checklist.

• 13:50Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 13:51Speaker 01

  Right, especially for a woman.

• 13:53Lewis Howes?

  Or it's, yeah, I'm getting older, I've got to do it now.

• 13:55Speaker 01

  Completely, and I'll be scorned or looked at, looked on as selfish, especially a woman. So she has a lot of pressure, so she's already motivated by the wrong reasons.

• 14:04Lewis Howes?

  Fear.

• 14:05Speaker 01

  Or by the deluded reasons, by fear. But she's not motivated by the ultimate reason, which if really she was motivated by, she may not have a child. The ultimate reason is, can I be so evolved in my own self? That I truly feel I can guide the spirit to evolve into their true self? So if she truly answered that honestly, she would not have a child.

• 14:30Lewis Howes?

  There'll be no kids in the world.

• 14:30Speaker 01

  Which wouldn't be a bad thing for a while, wouldn't you think? A pause, just a breather, let the earth just breathe.

• 14:37Lewis Howes?

  Let the world gain consciousness or awareness.

• 14:39Speaker 01

  Before, and why, why are we continuing to do it wrong? We're all just doing it wrong. Why don't we just take a pause? It isn't a terrible idea. Get it right, align yourself with consciousness, and then start again. But no, we're so egoically obsessed, we're like, no, I have to have my kid. Because I have to leave my legacy of disease and mental illness. I must leave my particular stamp of it. Because that's what we're doing.

• 15:05Lewis Howes?

  Unworthiness.

• 15:06Speaker 01

  Unworthiness, why not? Why not?

• 15:08Lewis Howes?

  I'm unworthy, so I'll carry the same thing in someone else.

• 15:10Speaker 01

  Because mine is a special kind of unworthiness, you know?

• 15:12Lewis Howes?

  Right, no one else understands me.

• 15:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, this, this particular kind of, kind of self-flagellation.

• 15:17Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 15:17Speaker 01

  That I, I'm an expert at.

• 15:19Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 15:19Speaker 01

  You know, so no, I think ideally, we should all take a pause for a couple of generations, become conscious human beings, and then really mindfully think as a community, if the community is ready for another child. You know, this should not be an individualistic en- enterprise anymore. You know, children growing up in nuclear families is also part of the disease. You know, you're, you're putting so much pressure on two fragile, if they're two, one fragile human being. It's too much strain. You know, we've lost the whole collectivist mentality of raising children in a village. You know, Hillary Clinton got it right. It does take a village, and we've lost that. So when you ask me what's different about eastern and western, that's another way the east is different.

• 16:03Speaker 01

  There is a more, more communal orientation and the raising of a child. It's more in a joint system, it's more kin, kinship, kindred, yes, yes.

• 16:13Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, it's like.

• 16:13Speaker 01

  And then you come here to the west, you know, my girlfriends in the east, they're appalled at how much pressure I go, have in the west. I don't have any help. Not extended families, isolated.

• 16:25Lewis Howes?

  No one else can touch my baby, they're gonna get sick.

• 16:27Speaker 01

  So no one's gonna touch my baby, so my baby gets all my crap. There's no hope, this is that my, there'll be mediation from anyone to help, right?

• 16:36Lewis Howes?

  No other perspectives.

• 16:37Speaker 01

  No other perspectives, no multitude of roles and influences. And not only is the illness passed on, but the parent breaks under that. So not only does the child suffer, but the parent is truly suffering in the west, because the pressure is too much.

• 16:50Lewis Howes?

  So much pressure.

• 16:51Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 16:52Lewis Howes?

  There's no family around, if they're leaving home or whatever, and then with the divorce rate, I don't even know, is it over more than fifty percent now, is it?

• 16:58Speaker 01

  Wow, it's close, yes. So imagine, you know, like the analogy that many people give is that you won't get on a plane, right, if there was a fifty percent chance of survival, yeah.

• 17:07Lewis Howes?

  Crashing, hell no.

• 17:09Speaker 01

  Right.

• 17:09Lewis Howes?

  It's one of the things I'm afraid of getting married for, right?

• 17:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, you should question, you should question these institutions. So I think my book. And my work is not about putting more pressure on parents. It actually liberates parents to penetrate the deluded ideations we're living under. You know, the whole idea of success that we put on children. It's diluted.

• 17:30Lewis Howes?

  The pressure.

• 17:30Speaker 01

  The pressure to achieve. It comes from fear and lack. So when I teach parents that you're just operating out of fear and lack because you're not complete. You want something to post on Facebook. You need a medal because you never got it. Or you need to prove it to your parents that you're still a good person. And you're using your children. Once parents get it in an epiphany. Then they release their children of it and now they have less anxiety. When I teach them about the superficiality of grades. And how grades are just a hair's breadth of the whole potential.

• 18:03Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 18:03Speaker 01

  Now I've released the parent from pressure. Now they can truly connect with who it is their child is. Otherwise parenting is all about pressure, pressure, pressure. Right? So the connection is coming undone. And if the child is not connected to, they grow up wandering the earth.

• 18:19Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 18:20Speaker 01

  Addicted and searching.

• 18:21Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. So, okay, we first have, in an ideal world. We first ask ourselves if we should have the baby.

• 18:28Speaker 01

  Right.

• 18:28Lewis Howes?

  If we're aware, conscious.

• 18:30Speaker 01

  We most likely would not, but say.

• 18:32Lewis Howes?

  Right, right.

• 18:33Speaker 01

  Right.

• 18:33Lewis Howes?

  But say we've done the work.

• 18:34Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 18:35Lewis Howes?

  And we're like, all right, I'm not perfect, but I'm aware.

• 18:37Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 18:37Lewis Howes?

  And I've processed a lot of my past hurts.

• 18:41Speaker 01

  Good.

• 18:42Lewis Howes?

  The suffering I've been through. I've forgiven everyone in my past and most importantly, I've forgiven myself. For all the things I've done. And I'm aware.

• 18:52Lewis Howes?

  I meditate, I've got my routines. I still get crazy every now and then, but I'm pretty conscious, right? Okay, then I have a baby. I decided to have the baby. Now, what's the first two years like? How, how should I set up my life and structure this relationship with my child in the early stage?

• 19:08Speaker 01

  Yeah, then you prepare yourself to encounter one of the most profound relationships of your life. Where you will be tested at the most highest level of spiritual lessons ever, which is. Now this being came from you. But you'll be tested. That it's not yours.

• 19:30Lewis Howes?

  Really? What do you mean?

• 19:31Speaker 01

  They come, they came through you, but it's not yours. So you'll be tested in not possessing another being, even though it's yours.

• 19:39Lewis Howes?

  Even though you created it, but it's own, it owns itself is what you're saying. You don't have ownership over a human being.

• 19:44Speaker 01

  Yes, you barely created it too, but say, say it came through you and you did something.

• 19:48Lewis Howes?

  You, yes.

• 19:49Speaker 01

  You have to now release that.

• 19:51Lewis Howes?

  Ownership.

• 19:52Speaker 01

  Ownership, because now you have to pay homage to the fact that this is a being that actually you called into your life for you to grow from. So you reverse everything.

• 20:03Lewis Howes?

  So it's not growing from you, you're growing from it.

• 20:05Speaker 01

  Right. If you want to do it the right way.

• 20:08Lewis Howes?

  So it's a, it's, you're creating a being that is now going to be your greatest teacher.

• 20:13Speaker 01

  Yes, you didn't create it though.

• 20:15Lewis Howes?

  Okay, it's coming through you. Sorry for the language. What's the language?

• 20:18Speaker 01

  Because parents think they created it.

• 20:20Lewis Howes?

  Okay, what's the language?

• 20:22Speaker 01

  You called this being into your life.

• 20:24Lewis Howes?

  Called this being in your life and it came from you. It came from your being, okay. But you didn't create this being.

• 20:31Speaker 01

  Well, because if you think you created it, there's a problem there. Uh, you're not a parent, so you don't see this side of crazy, but you have to see parents to know how crazy they are.

• 20:39Lewis Howes?

  I have two crazy parents, so I mean, I'm pretty much.

• 20:41Speaker 01

  They think they created you and that's why they did all sorts of things to you. They brainwashed you and they took over your life because they think they created you. That's the problem. And I'm trying to burst this ideology. You didn't, I tell parents, no, you didn't create anyone. Like if you created a being, you should be curing cancer. Like if you were that phenomenal. You're not. This is just the process of life.

• 21:01Lewis Howes?

  You had birth.

• 21:02Speaker 01

  Being done to you and you called this being into your life as a way of saying that you had some ownership or some partnership with who you called, because the minute the child doesn't turn out who they want. They're like, where did this child come from? I'm like, no, you called this child to learn lessons. Every relationship in our life is called for the higher and the more sacred purpose of evolving. No more so profound as the one with your child. So now, but because it's an infant and infantile and dependent on you, it activates the ego, you see, of the parent. This is the spiritual test. So as it's activating the ego, where you now get this, you know, unremitting love that you've never received before, right? This child looks at you with adoring gay. It's a trip for the parent.

• 21:46Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 21:46Speaker 01

  It's a huge ego trip.

• 21:47Lewis Howes?

  Of course.

• 21:48Speaker 01

  But this is a spiritual test that I challenge parents with. Like you're watching your ego rise, but at the same time. It's the, you know, like you can drive in New York, you can drive anywhere. Here, it's like your ego is gonna rise like never before. And this is the place where you're tested to release the ego. Right now, when you learn the art of the, of the doing, this is where the east and west comes so beautifully in this journey together. You have to do for the kid, you have to do, you have to wake up, you have to feed, you have to change.

• 22:16Lewis Howes?

  Clean.

• 22:16Speaker 01

  You have to earn money, you have to pay for the baby. It's a lot, right?

• 22:20Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 22:20Speaker 01

  So the doing is in full mode like never before. Yet, the infant specifically at that age asks you to be with it in this silent, non-verbal communion way like no one else will. So here you're juxtaposed with the doing and the being. And these are the lessons of a spiritually conscious and awakened life, right? How do we do this podcast right now in the doing of it? But yet we have to connect and we have to be and we have to be present.

• 22:50Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 22:51Speaker 01

  Right? So this is what children teach us. Yes, mommy and daddy, do for me and protect me and send me to the greatest school, but if you're not with me in the present moment, then you've missed the whole boat.

• 23:02Lewis Howes?

  And that's when I'm gonna scream and get your attention and punch you and lash out.

• 23:06Speaker 01

  So it's a spiritual training. This is the, one of the greatest spiritual trainings we can ever have.

• 23:13Lewis Howes?

  I can only imagine.

• 23:14Speaker 01

  Because with another adult, if you're in a partnership with your spouse or your partner, the ego doesn't roar with possession. So you're not tested like that because your partner's already told you, hey, you don't really possess me.

• 23:24Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 23:25Speaker 01

  Don't try.

• 23:25Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 23:26Speaker 01

  You may try, but you, you can't get away with it. But with the infant, the ego will roar. I own, I created it, right? So this is the spiritual test, which is the most profound. And if you can pass it, then you release it in all other areas of your life. If you can do it with your kid and release your child and know that your child is a sovereign being and, and you've participated in that and they've helped you become more a sovereign being and you're just guiding each other, a child. And you can see that you're, you're just guiding them, nothing more, ushering them. Then you've released your ego in, in most everything else.

• 24:01Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 24:04Speaker 01

  So in this way, the parent-child relationship becomes the spiritually regenerative relationship of your life, the one where you awaken.

• 24:14Lewis Howes?

  Hmm, that's what it should be.

• 24:16Speaker 01

  It should be.

• 24:16Lewis Howes?

  Okay. Why, um, what is the role of fear in parenting? Because I feel like there's a lot of fear with parents.

• 24:22Speaker 01

  Omnipresent, omnipresent. It is, it is the role greater than anything else.

• 24:26Lewis Howes?

  Why are parents so afraid?

• 24:28Speaker 01

  Because they enter it with lack and they enter it incomplete. And now the child becomes the, the bedpost for who it is they are. So if the child messes up, it's like now I'm really messed up. Like now I've lost all hope.

• 24:40Lewis Howes?

  I mess up and my kid is messed up.

• 24:42Speaker 01

  And my kid is now, and the mirror is so clear. Right? So we're using the children to fulfill us. Therefore, the child, there's a lot at stake here.

• 24:50Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 24:51Speaker 01

  It's not a joke.

• 24:52Lewis Howes?

  And if they let them, their parents down, they let themselves down, they don't achieve, they let their parents down and then it's just like, they want to have that acceptance. They want to have that acknowledgement.

• 25:00Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 25:01Lewis Howes?

  I, I feel like the thing we long for the most, at least as a grown child, because I feel like we're all just kids, is acknowledgement.

• 25:08Speaker 01

  Yes, to be seen for who it is you are, not who it is I want you to be.

• 25:12Lewis Howes?

  Exactly. The reason I do my podcast, sitting across from someone, is because everyone else does shows sitting side by side. And you can get away from the eyes. For me, I want to connect and be present.

• 25:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, it's a different energy, isn't it?

• 25:25Lewis Howes?

  It's a different energy than just being next to someone and being talking like this and once in a while I'll pay attention to you.

• 25:30Speaker 01

  Right.

• 25:30Lewis Howes?

  But I'm going to go back over here because it's more comfortable.

• 25:32Speaker 01

  Right, right.

• 25:33Lewis Howes?

  But really seeing someone and being present with someone, I feel like is challenging.

• 25:37Speaker 01

  Right, you have to show up.

• 25:38Lewis Howes?

  It's to practice.

• 25:39Speaker 01

  You have to be here fully.

• 25:40Lewis Howes?

  You have to be fully raw.

• 25:41Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 25:42Lewis Howes?

  And, um, I remember feeling like, you know, as a kid, like just never being seen. You know, I was the youngest of four. I had two parents, they were working three jobs, like constantly trying to provide. They probably shouldn't have had it, you know?

• 25:52Speaker 01

  Right, right.

• 25:53Lewis Howes?

  Us, they were like 19 or whatever, when they had their first kid. And I remember just like, all I wanted was acknowledgement. And I remember, I think a lot of kids feel that way. It's like, we just want acknowledgement, just wanna be seen. It's probably why we do a lot of things as adults, for acknowledgement and to be seen.

• 26:08Speaker 01

  So even the parent who's taking care, like you were clothed and fed. So the parent is thinking, I've done my bit.

• 26:14Lewis Howes?

  Done my job.

• 26:14Speaker 01

  Right, but it's not about the doing. That's what every kid will tell you. I don't care that you

• 26:19Lewis Howes?

  Kind of a roof over my head, or you got food.

• 26:21Speaker 01

  Send me to the fanciest, fanciest schools. And you had a yacht that we went.

• 26:24Lewis Howes?

  That's your, what you wanted for me.

• 26:25Speaker 01

  That's what you wanted. Cause ultimately, all I wanted was to know that I was being seen, for who it is I am. Not to fit into your agenda and your image of a good life. And we use our children, you know, to fit into our idea. So they never get seen.

• 26:40Lewis Howes?

  To look good on our Instagram page, to talk about to our friends.

• 26:44Speaker 01

  Exactly. So now they're gonna have kids, because they need to be seen. You see, this is why we keep having kids, in the unconscious way. Waiting to be seen.

• 26:54Speaker 01

  I know, it's so dismal. But it's the truth, you know.

• 26:58Lewis Howes?

  Let's just end the human race right now. No more babies. No.

• 27:02Speaker 01

  Well, well, babies, but babies, you know, it's the most sacred thing you can do, so better think about it.

• 27:08Lewis Howes?

  Not creating life, but calling life through you. Is that what I'm supposed to say?

• 27:13Speaker 01

  Yes, yes, yes. And it's not, it's not a joke, you know, you can't take it lightly.

• 27:17Lewis Howes?

  I'm not, I'm not trying to make a joke, I'm just trying to make sure I don't say creating, because we're not creating. I mean, it's the most sacred thing in the world, is bringing life in the world, right?

• 27:25Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 27:26Lewis Howes?

  And yet we take it for granted, I think, sometimes. I mean, my, one of my best friends just had a baby two weeks ago, and it was, I was one of the first people to, to see his daughter in, in the hospital. I was just moved to tears by the, like, by the calling forth of this being.

• 27:40Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 27:41Lewis Howes?

  And it was so powerful, and yet I was also like worried for him at the same time. Cause I was like, I wanna make sure you guys are set up in a conscious way for everything moving forward.

• 27:53Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 27:54Lewis Howes?

  And so, I think people need to be conscious about this.

• 27:57Speaker 01

  Because, and you also open yourself up to the magnificence of this unknown thing called the universe. And you've put your hands and you've surrendered to this, this force. And to recognize that you are partnering with a force, right? Then it creates humility in you, so you're not this overarching ruler and monarch over your child. No, you didn't create this. It's coming through with this force energy. So commune with that force and pay homage to it in every age and stage of your child's life.

• 28:27Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. If you're a parent, What's the ideal thing that you should think of first thing you wake up in the morning? In regards to the relationship you want to have or the way of being you want to be with that child or children? Is there something you should think about, a process, an awareness? Whether it be first thing in the morning or throughout the day or whenever, but what's the thing every single day that a parent should ask themselves and be aware of?

• 28:51Speaker 01

  I think the question they could ask themselves is, am I connected to myself today? Am I feeling whole today? Where are my missing pieces today? Because whatever's missing within us, within 10 minutes of our child waking up, we're gonna dump it on them.

• 29:05Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 29:06Speaker 01

  Yeah. Every time I see something wrong in what my child is doing is because I'm feeling wronged in my own life or that I'm not good enough. So when I'm not feeling good enough, I see everything wrong in my child. But I'm coming from a superfluous sense of, you know, gratitude and wellness, suddenly they can do no wrong. Right? It's projection.

• 29:27Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, same thing with relationships, intimate relationships.

• 29:29Speaker 01

  Absolutely, exactly.

• 29:30Lewis Howes?

  When we're feeling insecure about what we're creating, we're putting that on someone else.

• 29:35Speaker 01

  And this parent-child relationship, there's no break, you know, for the first 70, 10 years.

• 29:40Lewis Howes?

  You mean a baby can't just sustain itself and just be on its own? Just get an apartment?

• 29:44Speaker 01

  Not entirely. So, so you know, it's like such a deep marriage, like with your partners, you can take a break, you can have a cigarette whenever you want, go for a glass of wine. No such thing with the child. You're just, you're there. You're fully there.

• 29:58Lewis Howes?

  So how do we remove the ego as a parent? And say, okay, baby crying, screaming all day long or whatever, not doing what I want it to do. How do we remove the ego and come from this place of like love and being and?

• 30:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah.

• 30:14Lewis Howes?

  Like it's gotta be so challenging with all the pressures that you're facing from your family or your parents or the grandparents' opinions and?

• 30:21Speaker 01

  Yes, yes.

• 30:22Lewis Howes?

  Husband or, you know?

• 30:24Speaker 01

  So first, the way I define ego is not simply a narcissistic desire to empower, to power over. The way I define the ego is that when we were young, we weren't seen for who it is we are, correct? So as a result of that, we had to survive. Now, in order to survive, we had to contort and distort and pretzel ourselves into a version, into a version of who our parents wanted us to be.

• 30:47Lewis Howes?

  With a fit into that.

• 30:48Speaker 01

  Just to fit in, yeah, just like survive. Please feed me, take care of me.

• 30:51Lewis Howes?

  Don't be mad at me all day.

• 30:52Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 30:52Lewis Howes?

  Gosh, it's the worst.

• 30:53Speaker 01

  Correct, correct.

• 30:54Lewis Howes?

  Don't scream at me.

• 30:55Speaker 01

  Yes, what have I done, right?

• 30:57Lewis Howes?

  Be myself.

• 30:58Speaker 01

  I just woke up, yeah, yeah. I just spilled milk. So the nucleus, the core of the authentic self is now being denied and is increasingly invincible. So it needs an invincible shield to protect, because now it's disintegrating, there's nothing inside. So it creates this false self, and I call the false self the ego. The ego was created to survive, but eventually will create suffocation. So we need to kill the ego. Now, how do we kill the ego? We first have to accept that it exists, recognize each time it comes up, love it for the service it's provided, because it kept us surviving. But now we need to understand that its core came from fear.

• 31:42Speaker 01

  It was created because I was scared of being yelled at, right? So I created some badass rebellion, or I created some whimpering obedience. Whatever I created was false, it was created out of fear. So now when my child screams, and I go back into that fear, and then I develop my ego, whatever the ego is, either I become too genuflecting toward my child and subservient and indulgent, or I become badass rebellion, thinking my child is my parent, but it isn't. I'm like acting an ego, I'm acting a false self. So to recognize in those moments when it comes up, and then to penetrate it, it takes a lot of introspection. You need the help of someone at first to do this. Because you don't even know, you see the ego as your second skin, you don't even know you're walking around with it. So it takes someone from the outside to go, you're in fear, that's your ego, that's a mask.

• 32:26Speaker 01

  You're protecting something in you, it's not the truth. And as you release the ego, only through accepting the ego. Understand, it's the counterintuitive, you can't just...

• 32:34Lewis Howes?

  Being aware of it first.

• 32:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, you can't just kill it. Then you emerge into your true self of connectivity and lack of fear. And this is why children will teach us how to be who it is we are, by showing us our ego. Every moment you'll be seeing your ego as a parent. If you're willing to see it.

• 32:53Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah. No, it's fascinating you say this because not to go too off track, but my new book is called The Mask of Masculinity.

• 32:58Speaker 01

  Wow.

• 32:58Lewis Howes?

  It's about the mask that men wear that we're not even aware of that hold us back from having all, you know, vulnerable, loving relationships.

• 33:05Speaker 01

  And it starts when parents tell their boys, right? Don't cry or don't be a girl.

• 33:10Lewis Howes?

  Don't be a girl, don't be a pussy, don't be whatever it is.

• 33:12Speaker 01

  Yeah, don't be a wimp.

• 33:13Lewis Howes?

  Suck it up.

• 33:14Speaker 01

  You begin to disconnect from your feelings.

• 33:16Lewis Howes?

  Put on masks.

• 33:16Speaker 01

  Right. And your authentic self gets hidden.

• 33:18Lewis Howes?

  That's it.

• 33:19Speaker 01

  Yeah. And then you're all like.

• 33:20Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. And then it carries off through relationships, through parenting, through all these things.

• 33:23Speaker 01

  Yeah. And then you're, you're, you're, the women in your life or other relationships tell you, but you have to feel. And you're like, feel? I stopped feeling a long time ago.

• 33:32Lewis Howes?

  And then when you're in sports, it's even worse.

• 33:34Speaker 01

  Yeah. Yeah. And you have to be a certain way.

• 33:36Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, you gotta be a warrior.

• 33:37Speaker 01

  For men, it's prescribed. But for women, it's prescribed too. We have to be, you know.

• 33:42Lewis Howes?

  Now it is even more pressure for women.

• 33:43Speaker 01

  Yes, absolutely.

• 33:44Lewis Howes?

  Be great in the workforce, be great in bed, be a great mother, be always look hot, you know, all these things.

• 33:51Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 33:51Lewis Howes?

  The pressures of both, men and women.

• 33:53Speaker 01

  And both now self perpetuate. Right now it's self perpetuating. It's not even that the man is telling the woman any such thing. The woman is doing it to herself.

• 34:02Lewis Howes?

  The pressure the woman is putting on themselves, right?

• 34:04Speaker 01

  Now it's all inculcated. It's so imbibed.

• 34:06Lewis Howes?

  Why?

• 34:07Speaker 01

  Why do women put so much pressure?

• 34:08Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 34:08Speaker 01

  Because it's something that we've, we've been trained to be good girls. And we've been trained to be obedient. So whatever culture says is the way, we're going to be obedient to the way. Oh, now you want me to be a badass, you know, entrepreneur? I'll be that. Oh, you want me to be skinny? I'll be that. Oh, you want me to have big boobs? I'll, I'll do that. We're just trained to be obsequious, subservient. We're such good girls. That's what needs to break in us. That's what we need to teach our girls.

• 34:36Lewis Howes?

  Be a bad girl.

• 34:37Speaker 01

  Well, not to be a bad girl, or just think, question, pause, you know, have your own sovereign right. And mothers need to allow their daughters to do that, and fathers too.

• 34:49Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 34:49Speaker 01

  But we mothers raising our daughters need to be the example where we question everything. You know, so I have a daughter and I try to raise her to question everything. Marriage, sexuality, everything. What is beauty? Who is thin? Who is fat? Really, do you really think you need to get a career? What kind of career? Everything.

• 35:09Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 35:09Speaker 01

  So at least she now doesn't just dogmatically believe she has to be obedient.

• 35:15Lewis Howes?

  Just because you believed it.

• 35:16Speaker 01

  Or culture says, or this man will tell you, you know, you're not skinny enough. Or the man will tell you, go cook for me.

• 35:21Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 35:22Speaker 01

  No, and everything pause and question.

• 35:25Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. How old's your daughter?

• 35:27Speaker 01

  Fourteen.

• 35:28Lewis Howes?

  Oh, nice. Okay.

• 35:30Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 35:30Lewis Howes?

  All the guys are coming after her right now, right?

• 35:32Speaker 01

  And I can see, and I have to teach her about who men are and who boys are. And I feel bad.

• 35:37Lewis Howes?

  It's tough.

• 35:38Speaker 01

  Because it's kind of bad.

• 35:39Lewis Howes?

  It's tough.

• 35:40Speaker 01

  I have to tell her that the boys she's with may not know how to feel. And she'll be all in her feeling heart and thinking she's in her heart and thinking they're in their heart. Because they're trying to get something. And I have to teach her about the the double agenda and who these boys are and feel compassion for them. Because they are trained to disconnect. And there, she's a girl looking to connect. So actually, boy and girl should not meet for a long time, for a long time till the man evolves. For a long time.

• 36:10Lewis Howes?

  What if there are younger men who's evolved? Like, I've got a nephew who's.

• 36:14Speaker 01

  In touch with his feelings.

• 36:14Lewis Howes?

  Thirteen, I think, yeah, twelve or thirteen. I never know they grow up so fast. But he is like the most intelligent, sensitive, loving, like, giving. I'm just like, who are you?

• 36:26Speaker 01

  But I do believe there's a new wave.

• 36:28Lewis Howes?

  He is like.

• 36:29Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 36:29Lewis Howes?

  It's unbelievable.

• 36:30Speaker 01

  Right.

• 36:31Lewis Howes?

  Like, his level of spirituality.

• 36:33Speaker 01

  Yes, yes.

• 36:34Lewis Howes?

  Awareness.

• 36:34Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 36:35Lewis Howes?

  And feeling and empathy.

• 36:36Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 36:37Lewis Howes?

  I'm just like, you're the ultimate boy.

• 36:38Speaker 01

  I think there's a new wave of consciousness coming.

• 36:41Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 36:42Speaker 01

  But it's slow and but but it is coming. Because parents are waking up now to a new way of being.

• 36:47Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 36:47Speaker 01

  So if we wake up, we'll do right by our boys and girls, right?

• 36:51Lewis Howes?

  Hmm. Wow. What do you think's the toughest age for parents? To be able to be graceful and remove the ego of their kids.

• 37:00Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think it is the teenage years because the while before you could still get away with being a monarch. When you're a parent of a teenager, now it becomes clear like now, yeah, now your time is up. So now you have to deeply sit with who it is you are.

• 37:17Lewis Howes?

  Oh, my gosh.

• 37:18Speaker 01

  Right? Without the identity of someone needing you. Like your child is now bare faced and bold faced telling you, I am entering my own right and might. Now you better figure out what your life is because I may not need you anymore.

• 37:30Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 37:31Speaker 01

  And I don't want to need you and you need to release me. And we parents don't want to release.

• 37:35Lewis Howes?

  Why is that? It's like suffocating.

• 37:36Speaker 01

  I don't know. For me, it's I've been celebrating ever since my daughter began, you know, becoming autonomous. I'm like,

• 37:42Lewis Howes?

  Sweet.

• 37:42Speaker 01

  Cut the cord. I'm like, here, take the scissor. So ready because I'm, I want her to launch, but parents don't want that because they're tied up in the identity of being needed. They're so invested in the identity of being a parent that they've forgotten who it is they are. Another egoic mask. Parenting becomes another mask, you see? It's a mask. It's a way to avoid who it is you truly are. And I keep teaching parents that if you don't go back to who it is you are, you will raise your child to have a false self.

• 38:11Lewis Howes?

  Gosh, my mind is being blown right now. What's the greatest lesson then you've faced in the last 14 years? Parenting.

• 38:18Speaker 01

  Just the, the.

• 38:19Lewis Howes?

  Personally, like a personal thing that you've come up with.

• 38:22Speaker 01

  For sure. That's why I write the books I do. I write them really for, you know, to talk to myself, right?

• 38:26Lewis Howes?

  Me too.

• 38:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, to embed my own teachings. I've opened the book and I go, let me learn something. Because I think just the humility I've had at my own unconscious. And I've been meditating since I was 22 years old. You know, and that was only five years ago, I know, but it's, it's been my life's mission and yet the force and vigor of this unconsciousness is so profound and it's my daily challenge. But I rise to it, you know, I'm excited by it. I'm not ashamed when I see my unconsciousness. I'm ready for it. I'm not narcissistic to believe, oh, I'm above it. It's there every day. I, my voice becomes high pitched. I become shrill. I interfere almost every day.

• 39:08Speaker 01

  Right? Because each time I'm afraid, she's too entitled. Each time I'm afraid, she's too lazy, too disorganized, right? The, the plethora of fears are endless. I interfere. So then I watch it and then I have to release it. So each day I do. And I'm just humbled by it. By how much there is to do, so much work.

• 39:26Lewis Howes?

  What do you think is the greatest lesson you still have yet to learn by being a parent?

• 39:31Speaker 01

  I think the absolute complete trust in their destiny. Like I have it, but I lose it. I forget.

• 39:40Lewis Howes?

  You're questioning.

• 39:42Speaker 01

  Exactly.

• 39:43Lewis Howes?

  Are you sure?

• 39:44Speaker 01

  But when push comes to shove and I see she's about to say yes to a boy to go out on a little date and I'm like, no, I'm like, no, don't learn that lesson on my time, you know, learn it when you're on your own, like, take it from me. So while I say I want her to learn her own lessons, then I also want to bypass them. It's hard. It's hard to see your child potentially go through pain.

• 40:06Lewis Howes?

  But don't we need to go through that?

• 40:08Speaker 01

  Absolutely. That's it.

• 40:09Lewis Howes?

  In order to learn, we've got to fail over and over and over again.

• 40:12Speaker 01

  This is the lesson. You just hit it.

• 40:14Lewis Howes?

  There's no way you can have a safe, perfect life.

• 40:16Speaker 01

  Child go through pain. This is it.

• 40:17Lewis Howes?

  They're not gonna be able to take on anything in the world when they're an adult, if they don't experience, in my opinion, extreme discomfort.

• 40:24Speaker 01

  This is the greatest lesson for parents, to let your child be rejected, let your child get the C grade, let your child come last in the race, and don't fix it. Don't fix it.

• 40:35Lewis Howes?

  I'm so glad I was messed up as a kid.

• 40:37Speaker 01

  I know. Look how great you've become because of it. No, really.

• 40:40Lewis Howes?

  I look back at it and I'm like, you know, it was the most challenging times.

• 40:44Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 40:44Lewis Howes?

  Right? It was so scary and uncertain and there were many moments where I was like, why am I even here? I would say this when I'd get in trouble. I'm like, I don't think I should be alive. Like, because I just didn't even feel like accepted by anyone. And I feel like the trauma and the suffering. Now, listen, I'm a white male in America, so it's like, people, I already hear people saying white male privilege, like, you have nothing to complain about.

• 41:06Speaker 01

  Right.

• 41:06Lewis Howes?

  We all have an inner world that we face with our own demons. No matter how good it may look in the outer world, we all have an inner world that is a challenge to overcome. And I just faced a big inner world, demons in the inner world, where it's just like, I just believe that I had to go through it.

• 41:24Speaker 01

  What do you think allowed you to convert the pain into power?

• 41:29Lewis Howes?

  Oh, being aware and forgiveness, like ultimately forgiving all the things that happened

• 41:35Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 41:36Lewis Howes?

  to me, for me, whatever you wanna call it. And then letting and forgiving myself.

• 41:40Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 41:40Lewis Howes?

  Because I was holding on to so much like resentment and shame and guilt and all these things for myself and anger and for everything, you know, whatever, every experience that built up, just feeling like I hate the world or whatever, you know. So letting it go and actually coming from a place of gratitude and being like, wow, if that didn't happen, I wouldn't have learned this.

• 41:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:00Lewis Howes?

  And I wanted to have been so driven or I wanted to have been so compassionate towards other people who have gone through similar things. And I wanna be so loving or understanding. Now, listen, I mess up all the time and I'm constantly like my ego is being attacked all the time, but I feel like I'm very aware and grateful for everything.

• 42:17Speaker 01

  That's amazing.

• 42:19Lewis Howes?

  You know, how messed up my parents were, like everything, I'm so glad.

• 42:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, you didn't go under, you came through, you went through and came out.

• 42:26Lewis Howes?

  But I could have easily gone, you know, to prison or something, you know, so.

• 42:29Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 42:30Lewis Howes?

  Um, so I think it's just having like the awareness enough to be like, okay, I need support, I need help, I need like.

• 42:36Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 42:37Lewis Howes?

  To do the work for years and start to let go of these things and keep doing the work.

• 42:42Speaker 01

  For some reason, you entered this life contract with them that somewhere you said to your own destiny, you know, kill my ego right away. Don't give me any false sense of comfort, like show me the unconsciousness in the world right away, I'm ready.

• 42:57Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 42:57Speaker 01

  Because you were obviously ready, but let me tell you, there's no family, do you understand, no, no human being that did not have an unconscious parent in some, to some degree. They had no choice, your parents, they were conditioned.

• 43:12Lewis Howes?

  They could do.

• 43:12Speaker 01

  They were conditioned, the, the, the illness was passed on as a legacy from their parents and generations past and culture, culture is sick, culture is diseased in many ways and we're, we're seeping our children's minds with, you know, separation, fear, lack, the need to keep on doing versus abundance, presence, quiet.

• 43:36Lewis Howes?

  Gratitude.

• 43:37Speaker 01

  Gratitude, you are already complete, right? Anything extra you do, great to pay your rent and buy some makeup, but you don't have to use it to define who it is you are. But perversely today, all the doing is to define who it is you are. And they're two contradicting things. You cannot define who it is you are by a doing. The who you are is beyond doing, you see? It's formless. It's your essence. It's your divinity. So it runs counter. So all these books on resilience and teaching our children to achieve and to have, you know, power and plow through life, it's running counter to who it is they are. If our children came knowing who it is they are, we're taking them out of it.

• 44:16Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 44:17Speaker 01

  Into the doing state of the mind, which is disconnected from who it is they are. We need to keep our kids who it is they are, the rest will follow.

• 44:25Lewis Howes?

  How do we keep them who they are?

• 44:26Speaker 01

  That's it. The preservation of that is the mandate of a conscious parent. Because when you, um, you know, treat your who it is you are with honor, because you found it, you won't mess with anyone else's who it is they are.

• 44:43Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 44:44Speaker 01

  You'll be like, I'm not messing with who it is you are. My daughter, you know, is contrary to my idea of, you know, who a child should be.

• 44:52Lewis Howes?

  Uh huh.

• 44:53Speaker 01

  But it's who it is, who it is she is.

• 44:54Lewis Howes?

  So do you accept her?

• 44:55Speaker 01

  So it's, it's my struggle, right? Because I have to let go my ego. But, but I know.

• 44:59Lewis Howes?

  Because you're a powerful driven woman who's on a mission.

• 45:01Speaker 01

  I have to, I must. And she is different because I, I'm ready for this. Because why should she be the same of my fantasy? She is who, they come driven, purposeful, destined, knowing who it is they are. We take them out of it and then they have to return back to it.

• 45:17Lewis Howes?

  We make them wrong for who they are.

• 45:18Speaker 01

  Right. And then they spend their whole life going back to it.

• 45:21Lewis Howes?

  No, you're not gay.

• 45:21Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 45:22Lewis Howes?

  You're straight. No, you're, you're Christian. You're not this. You believe in this. You don't believe in that.

• 45:26Speaker 01

  Absolutely. Not only do we change who it is they are temperamentally, like, why are you so bad? Or why are you so clumsy? Like, they're nature, right? They're just who they, they're just children. We then contaminate their mind with how to think. Tell them who God is, what love is, who to love, how to love, how to be. Now we've taken them way off course because we've given them a prescription. Instead of them evolving into those things on their own.

• 45:52Lewis Howes?

  Discovering.

• 45:52Speaker 01

  Discovering it on their own. Now they have to undo that, you know, how to just undo.

• 45:56Lewis Howes?

  It's so hard, so hard. I mean, I feel like I've always questioned things though.

• 46:01Speaker 01

  Right.

• 46:01Lewis Howes?

  You know, so I'm glad you're saying this because I feel like I've always been like. No, I'm not going to be the guy that drinks alcohol just because all the other football guys are drinking. I was like, no, that doesn't serve me. No, I'm not going to do this. I'm going to do this other thing.

• 46:13Speaker 01

  Right.

• 46:13Lewis Howes?

  It was like, nah, everyone's bullying someone else. Like, let's go hang out with other people and like lift people up. Like, I don't need to do that. So I always question, even though it's the extent of me being alone.

• 46:22Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 46:23Lewis Howes?

  Like I was alone.

• 46:24Speaker 01

  Yeah, there was a price to pay for it.

• 46:25Lewis Howes?

  Massive price of isolation.

• 46:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 46:29Lewis Howes?

  But I think it's the reason why I still do this show because I'm constantly seeking.

• 46:34Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 46:34Lewis Howes?

  What's a different belief? What's another angle? What's something maybe that doesn't fully support me right now that I could shift a little bit? That would support me. It's a constant learning process.

• 46:43Speaker 01

  That's why I call all my work the deconstructive process, right? You have to deconstruct in no greater journey than parenting because now you're responsible for for providing the template for another human being. You better get your stuff right.

• 46:56Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 46:57Speaker 01

  I don't pretend you know something because you haven't, you don't know it. You've just been digesting somebody else's belief system. Have you deconstructed? What is God? Who is God? What is religion? What is marriage? What is sexuality? What is empowerment? What is power? What is beauty? Have you really deconstructed? Right? So in all my workshops, I teach parents how to deconstruct. Because be careful what you put into that first foundational layer of your child's mind. It's very hard to undo.

• 47:21Lewis Howes?

  It's hard to undo, right?

• 47:22Speaker 01

  And don't give it, don't make it the child's burden to undo your perversions. Oh, sorry, I didn't know. You know, now I know. And the kid is like, yeah, but now I'm forty years old, suffering. Because you told me what was good and what was bad. Now you're telling me, oh, there isn't any good or bad because you've. Been following conscious parenting, too late for me, right? So.

• 47:40Lewis Howes?

  Look at all the mistakes I've made because of you now.

• 47:41Speaker 01

  And I've been shaming myself.

• 47:43Lewis Howes?

  Or even worse, it's like if you don't follow the beliefs, and I know I believe in Indian culture, it's like you're out of the family. Essentially, from what I understand from my interventions, if you don't follow like what the parents want.

• 47:54Speaker 01

  Absolutely, absolutely.

• 47:55Lewis Howes?

  Marry the person or whatever it is.

• 47:57Speaker 01

  There's a, there's a strong patriarchy.

• 47:58Lewis Howes?

  You're not in the family.

• 47:59Speaker 01

  You're not in the family.

• 48:00Lewis Howes?

  You're wrong.

• 48:00Speaker 01

  Right.

• 48:01Lewis Howes?

  You're dead to us. And the shame and the guilt that kids must go through to feel like, okay, I just have to do this, otherwise.

• 48:07Speaker 01

  And it's unspoken. You don't even have to speak it in families. It's so conditioned. It's in the air you breathe.

• 48:13Lewis Howes?

  So it's funny then, because this eastern philosophy of like consciousness, it sounds like it's lacking then, if that's the way it is.

• 48:22Speaker 01

  It lacks a lot. Don't worry. Yes, yes, yes.

• 48:24Lewis Howes?

  Even though it's from there, but it's like, oh, it's like the worst almost.

• 48:27Speaker 01

  No, no, no. Well, there is no worse or better.

• 48:29Lewis Howes?

  Right, right.

• 48:29Speaker 01

  The, I'm talking about the core of an eastern mindset. Doesn't mean it's being manifested, right? Right? I mean, only the, the true people who do the work.

• 48:38Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 48:38Speaker 01

  Just because you're Indian or Chinese doesn't mean you're automatically a consummate, you know, understander of Buddhism, right? You're not, or, or the, the real teachings of the mystics. No, no, that's just, it just came from there.

• 48:51Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 48:51Speaker 01

  But no, no one's following it. Oh, absolutely not. And my culture is famous of, you know, for patriarchy, hierarchy dominance in the name of tradition. Or they will oust you and outcast you in a minute. Yeah. You dare shame me? No, so children don't shame their parents.

• 49:06Lewis Howes?

  So they follow the.

• 49:07Speaker 01

  They follow the, the way. Yeah. That's why I had to leave.

• 49:09Lewis Howes?

  They never become themselves.

• 49:10Speaker 01

  Well, not never, I mean, these are absolutes, but.

• 49:13Lewis Howes?

  Right, right. It's harder to.

• 49:14Speaker 01

  They don't look for themselves. There's, there's no question. The, the self knows right when they're born or a few years in that the self belongs to the parent's idea. So they willingly give it up. I couldn't. That's why I had to leave. But I couldn't, not, not for my parents, but for the culture. It's a cultural thing, you know?

• 49:30Lewis Howes?

  Do you feel like your parents were supportive of you? Or why did you get into this work in the first place?

• 49:33Speaker 01

  No, they were very supportive of me, but I was sickened by what I saw around me.

• 49:36Lewis Howes?

  So they were like, go do what you want, do who you want, like.

• 49:39Speaker 01

  But within limits, because they were indoctrinated in that culture too, but they were still better than most. But the culture is what the culture is. It's a deadly culture. It's everywhere.

• 49:48Lewis Howes?

  I think every culture is deadly in some way, right?

• 49:50Speaker 01

  Yeah. So the, but the Indian, because it's the we culture, it's already communal, right? Which is beautiful if it was done right. But it's done only for the sake of the ego of the we. Now it's not the ego of the I, it's the ego of all of us. So you don't disappoint one parent, you disappoint the whole lineage.

• 50:05Lewis Howes?

  The last name, right? Oh my gosh.

• 50:07Speaker 01

  Yes.

• 50:07Lewis Howes?

  The pressure, the weight.

• 50:09Speaker 01

  So they didn't do community in the beauty of the way community used to be done.

• 50:12Lewis Howes?

  Right, where kids, where parents or kids, teenagers would have babies when they're like sixteen, eighteen, right? But there was like a hundred family members raising them. So it wasn't like this pressure.

• 50:23Speaker 01

  That was a good part, but the negative part, if it was done with the ego of all, then it's the ego of all.

• 50:31Speaker 01

  So more pressure, right? You're ruining the family name and the ancestral legacy. You know, and it's suffocating and it works for kids who are willing to give up themselves. But for a kid like you and I, no, it will not work. It'll kill us. So we must leave. Then we'll be alone. Then we have to find ourselves, you know?

• 50:51Lewis Howes?

  This is an incredible journey.

• 50:53Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:54Lewis Howes?

  What's a question that most parents have? That they have the hardest challenge of answering for themselves?

• 51:00Speaker 01

  Will my kid be okay? Right? Just the okayness. They suffer from this fear because they live with a morbid and pervasive sense of not okayness. Every day of a parent's life, if they haven't done the work of consciousness, they're walking volcanoes of anxiety.

• 51:19Lewis Howes?

  Is that how you feel as a parent?

• 51:21Speaker 01

  Well, I've done a lot of work, so I've released so much anxiety, right? I'm ready to die. Like I could go out right now and die. It's okay. I've been working on death. So if I'm, you know, I'm ready every, every day, it's complete.

• 51:34Lewis Howes?

  What if something happens to your child? Have you accepted that?

• 51:38Speaker 01

  Same thing, yes, absolutely. I have to live with.

• 51:41Lewis Howes?

  Otherwise you're living in anxiety and stress all day.

• 51:44Speaker 01

  You live in anxiety and stress when you think you can control death. When you understand that death is not in your control, therefore you live fully and release when death comes. Then you don't live in anxiety and fear. You live in anxiety and fear because you have this narcissistic grand, grandiose delusion that you can control death. And you haven't become one, you haven't made friends with that. But when you make friends with the ultimate, which is death, then you live fully in the moment. And when your child's destiny is ready to be complete in this life form. Who, once you already understand who am I in this, like I'm just a speck. When your child, you know, does end life form, you release her or him.

• 52:22Speaker 01

  Because we're only here to inhabit life form for a blink.

• 52:26Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 52:27Speaker 01

  Anyway, so this idea of permanence is a delusion. This idea of doing to create identity, a delusion. This idea of possessions being ours, children being ours, delusion. So when you penetrate these delusions, you have not no anxiety, less anxiety.

• 52:43Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 52:43Speaker 01

  You're you're freeing yourself.

• 52:45Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 52:46Speaker 01

  Right? Right now, if someone came and told you, the god came and told you, you're gonna die right now.

• 52:51Lewis Howes?

  Uh huh.

• 52:52Speaker 01

  Right? How ready are you to go, come, go?

• 52:55Lewis Howes?

  I feel like, I mean, I don't wanna die right now, cuz I feel like I haven't done everything I wanna do. But I feel like I've attacked life fully and gone after everything I could up into this moment.

• 53:06Speaker 01

  Correct.

• 53:06Lewis Howes?

  Like, without regrets of being like, I wish I would've tried that, I wish I would've gone after that.

• 53:11Speaker 01

  So far, with the with the resources you had, you lived fully.

• 53:14Lewis Howes?

  I have, yeah.

• 53:15Speaker 01

  Right now, everyone will say I haven't yet done ten thousand things, because this is the nature of life. You will never be done.

• 53:21Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 53:21Speaker 01

  You will never ever be done. So instead of having that as your reason to move forward, you just have, the way I look at it is, with the resources I had, did I try to live as fully? And now, that's it, because there'll always be more, there's always more.

• 53:37Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 53:37Speaker 01

  Right?

• 53:37Lewis Howes?

  No, so I feel, I mean, I feel okay. I feel like if I was like, would I regret being dead right now that I didn't do something? No.

• 53:44Speaker 01

  See, that's it. So you're living your life each day, asking, am I living as complete as I can possibly?

• 53:49Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 53:50Speaker 01

  And again, not to measure it in what did I not do? But how am I being?

• 53:55Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 53:55Speaker 01

  Right? Changing the question to not a doing question, to a, am I fully being myself?

• 54:00Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm. Yeah. And so that's how you became close or okay with death, by kind of asking yourself this process or going through the process?

• 54:07Speaker 01

  Well, just understanding the nature of life, that it's impermanent.

• 54:10Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 54:11Speaker 01

  Right, so to cling on to anything is to to suffer. So if I want to suffer, I keep clinging. If I want to stop suffering, I stop clinging.

• 54:18Lewis Howes?

  When did you, what's the area of your life you suffered the most?

• 54:23Speaker 01

  That I have suffered the most? Um.

• 54:28Speaker 01

  I think just trying to, for me, on a very, you're asking me personally, yeah.

• 54:33Lewis Howes?

  For you.

• 54:34Speaker 01

  The battle for me is um living in this life form. Knowing that it's such bullshit, you know, it's a game. So how to play this game with playfulness and elegance? And I really don't take it very seriously.

• 54:51Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 54:52Speaker 01

  But everyone else does, right? So how to negotiate that, you know? And I don't, I don't really now, less and less take it seriously.

• 55:01Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 55:02Speaker 01

  So negotiating the form-based attachments that everyone has. With my understanding that this is all formlessness.

• 55:09Lewis Howes?

  It's gonna be over before we know it.

• 55:11Speaker 01

  Yeah, and just like juxtaposing that, you know? Trying to take it seriously.

• 55:16Lewis Howes?

  What about an area in your life that you suffered the most? Whether it be through childhood or through early twenties? Was there a moment or a stage of years or that you were suffering? That you can remember?

• 55:28Speaker 01

  Well, I didn't suffer much.

• 55:29Lewis Howes?

  You didn't suffer much, that's good.

• 55:30Speaker 01

  I entered this with a little bit of joy, yeah. I know most people entered through suffering.

• 55:35Lewis Howes?

  Was there like a relationship that you?

• 55:36Speaker 01

  So when I did psychology, I did my PhD. You have to write papers on how did I suffer? I was like, what? No, but then I had some, some negative things. I'm like, hallelujah.

• 55:46Lewis Howes?

  Try something.

• 55:47Speaker 01

  Thank you, that uncle who tried to, you know, fill me up like, thank you.

• 55:51Lewis Howes?

  Right, right, right, something.

• 55:52Speaker 01

  Something to write about. Cause I had, I had pretty wholesome parents.

• 55:56Lewis Howes?

  Oh, that's great.

• 55:56Speaker 01

  But I still had society around me. So my suffering came from being a girl in, in Indian culture and having unconscious men all around me and having to deal with that.

• 56:08Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 56:09Speaker 01

  Very hard.

• 56:09Lewis Howes?

  I can imagine.

• 56:10Speaker 01

  Yeah, hard because I'm, women are supposed to be a certain way in India.

• 56:14Lewis Howes?

  Yes, yes.

• 56:14Speaker 01

  And men, you know, are aggressive and unconscious and repressed. So growing up as a girl and then grew up to be a teenager. I could never fully be in my body or own my sexuality. Because if I was too much, then the onslaught and the payback of that was too much. So I used to hide. So I put on weight, I hid. I was like, let me just be, just like dumb myself, dim myself.

• 56:43Lewis Howes?

  Not be seen, yeah.

• 56:43Speaker 01

  Not be seen. And then I just waited to leave. And the minute I could leave, and then I began like undimming and undumbing myself. But I dummed and dimmed a lot.

• 56:53Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 56:54Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 56:55Lewis Howes?

  It's crazy.

• 56:55Speaker 01

  You have to do that to survive. That's the ego.

• 56:57Lewis Howes?

  I know, it's crazy. Okay, a few questions left for you because I know you gotta run, but I'm fascinated here. How can a man be the best parent that he can be?

• 57:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 57:07Lewis Howes?

  Because we've talked a lot about, I think, you know, your experience as a female, but how can a man raise a son, a daughter with the pressure that men feel, which are different than women, right?

• 57:18Speaker 01

  Very different.

• 57:19Lewis Howes?

  Not more or less, but just like its own level of pressure.

• 57:23Speaker 01

  Yes, yes. And in many ways, in many ways, men are absolved from the intensity of that bond and they lose because of that. They lose because the man is in the doing, therefore in the head, therefore in the disconnection.

• 57:39Lewis Howes?

  Not in the heart.

• 57:39Speaker 01

  Or in their, you know, in their penis. So head or penis, but there's the heart here.

• 57:44Lewis Howes?

  It's like, it goes around.

• 57:46Speaker 01

  Yeah. So the heart needs to be awakened. And if not the, the partner, which is usually not the case, right? The partner is often bypassed. It's hard for a man to truly surrender to their partner. But a child has the potential to allow them to bypass that circuitry and into the heart.

• 58:04Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 58:05Speaker 01

  But many men are missing that opportunity because for the first 10 years typically of a family's life, they're out there, they're working, they have to pay for tuition, the woman is staying at home. The way it's set up culturally is the woman stays at home. So she's losing out from the doing and the achieving that she needs. And the man is divested of the connection and the quietude that he needs. And so it's impossible. And the first 10 years are really the, the years to allow for that embedding to occur between parent, father and child. They lose that. So the father's just like, oh, I'll just play baseball, but that's a doing. Or I'll just wait till he can hike with me. That's a doing. The real essence of, of childhood is that zero to six where the child is not a doer yet.

• 58:45Speaker 01

  The child is a be-er and invites us all to be in the present moment. And if you lose the first six years of entering and being invited into the child's being world, like if you're with a child zero to six, it's a trip. It's like nothing else because no one lives in the present moment like a child. Like I remember the epiphany I had. Because I would keep like wanting my child to get to bed or my infant, my two year old. Or, you know, brush their teeth or doing, do it. And then it hit me, oh my God, everything I practice in meditation is right here in front of me. Like, slow the hell down, have no agenda, there is no time. And we are non-verbal. We're fully present. That's when I realized I am learning all the lessons I'm

• 59:30Speaker 01

  reading about or meditating about here in this relationship. So therefore, this child is my teacher. That's when the epiphany came, when I realized all I wanted was to do to my child. Like, come on, come on. Let's go to the park, let's run, let's go use a trampoline, let's learn, let's learn ABCs.

• 59:45Lewis Howes?

  Take a class.

• 59:46Speaker 01

  I just wanted to make, I was making my child my next PhD, my, my, my project. I was doing, I was very masculine. Most parents are mas-, we're masculine. We have to enter the feminine, into the heart with a zero to six. But very few parents, including mothers, are capitalizing on this spiritual jewel, that's the zero to six, because it's, it's painful too. I mean, you have to slow, beyond slow.

• 1:00:11Lewis Howes?

  You have to awaken too.

• 1:00:13Speaker 01

  You have to be so full and here. And there's no payback, really, because they're not giving you money.

• 1:00:18Lewis Howes?

  No, nothing.

• 1:00:19Speaker 01

  They're just giving you love, but, but they're not like intellectually stimulating you. They're not yet winning medals. They're not yet winning the spelling bee. So you're like, oh, you're not like doing anything for my ego. Why am I here? Oh, I'm here because I have to just be here. Like, I have to just enter the present moment. Zero to six is the most profound spiritual transformation you can go through with a child. And we're all missing it. We're all missing it. I, I almost missed it.

• 1:00:47Lewis Howes?

  Okay, next time you're back in L.A., we're gonna have to dive in deeper on this topic, because I could go on for this for a long time. But I want to ask the final couple of questions to be respectful of time.

• 1:00:58Lewis Howes?

  This is called the three truths. So imagine you jumped off this building right now and it was your last moment. And all your work has been erased. Everything, all the books, no one, this video, this interview is gone.

• 1:01:11Speaker 01

  Even erased in people's consciousness.

• 1:01:14Lewis Howes?

  Their consciousness, gone, gone.

• 1:01:15Speaker 01

  It didn't exist.

• 1:01:16Lewis Howes?

  Cause it didn't exist in the first place, right?

• 1:01:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, it didn't, right.

• 1:01:19Lewis Howes?

  So, um, but you had a piece of paper right here. I'm gonna give you a piece of paper and you get to write down three lessons that you know to be true from all your experience in life. The three truths that this is the only thing that people could live and be remembered by in your message. Write it down, you jump off, life is over. But what would those three truths be?

• 1:01:42Speaker 01

  Okay.

• 1:01:43Lewis Howes?

  If it was the last day for you?

• 1:01:44Speaker 01

  Okay. The first one is that life is never over. Life keeps transforming, just this form is over. The second one is that all life attachments in form are an illusion. All these attachments you're holding on to are an illusion. They will never take you to who it is you are. And the third one would be that the only moment and thing and entity and relationship of relevance is the one you have with yourself in the now. So you can erase everything, it really doesn't matter to you.

• 1:02:19Lewis Howes?

  There you go. I like that. Those are good.

• 1:02:22Speaker 01

  Cause it's never over.

• 1:02:23Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 1:02:23Speaker 01

  If it's meant to come back, it'll come back in another consciousness. It was only form. Everything is really formless, so just because it's my book in form, it was taken from formless energy anyway. And the only moment is now. So if it was, you're talking about yesterday or the moment before. I only care about this moment.

• 1:02:40Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah. Before I ask the final question, I want to make sure you guys get the new book. It's called The Awakened Family by Dr. Shefali. Make sure you guys go pick it up. Uh, where can people connect with you on your website or online? And you also have an event coming up. Do you want to talk about that?

• 1:02:56Speaker 01

  Yes. So, um, they can connect to me on my website, drshafali.com. And come to my event in Long Beach, California in a month, in September, where I help. Everyone, children of parents, adult children of parents and parents, to deconstruct all that I've been talking about and learn how to awaken to their true selves. The event is called Evolve the Conscious Way, and it's a three-day sojourn and adventure into the awakened heart.

• 1:03:24Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 1:03:24Speaker 01

  So they go to my website.

• 1:03:25Lewis Howes?

  Parents and kids.

• 1:03:27Speaker 01

  No, it's for adult children.

• 1:03:28Lewis Howes?

  Adult children.

• 1:03:29Speaker 01

  Like you, suffering the damage of their unconscious parents and needing to heal. And for parents wanting tools to change their relationships from fear to connection. So it's three days, Long Beach, California. I also have added a day of meditation on the 18th, so the main weekend is 15th to the 17th of September and an additional day of meditation.

• 1:03:51Lewis Howes?

  DrShefali.com for the information, right?

• 1:03:54Speaker 01

  Yes, yes.

• 1:03:54Lewis Howes?

  Awesome. I highly recommend checking that out. I'm sure it's gonna be amazing. Before I ask the final question, I want to acknowledge you for a moment, Dr. Shefali, for being so loving, for being so giving and for being a vessel to share such wealth of information with all of us, because there's so much suffering in the world, as you know, and there's so much confusion of how to be a human being and how to fully accept who we are. There's so much disconnect in, you know, in American society and culture right now with different views, beliefs, everything. So I believe your message is so powerful for all humans

• 1:04:33Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 1:04:34Lewis Howes?

  to rise into who we're being and how we can just be better in general and really help us connect the human race as one.

• 1:04:43Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 1:04:44Lewis Howes?

  One family, one race, one everything. So I acknowledge you for the work you're doing and for your surrender to life and death and for just being you.

• 1:04:53Speaker 01

  Thank you.

• 1:04:54Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. I really appreciate you. And I have one final question. It's what's your definition of greatness?

• 1:05:00Speaker 01

  Authenticity. Daring to live your truth.

• 1:05:05Lewis Howes?

  Dr. Shafali, thank you so much. Appreciate it. Appreciate it.

• 1:05:12Lewis Howes?

  If your mind is blown as much as mine right now, make sure to take a screenshot of this as you're listening to it on the podcast app on your phone, or it takes a photo of this if you're listening to it in the car or on your computer, and tag me on Instagram, @lewishouse. Let me know what your thoughts are. I'm going to screenshot a lot of these and repost them, but I really believe we got to get the message out about this one. It just blew my mind. I wish I had four or five hours to dive into more of these things. We're going to have to bring on Dr. Shafali another time, but if you enjoy this as much as me, then make sure to check out the full show notes at lewishouse.com/526. You can watch the full video interview, check out her book, her event as well. All of her stuff

• 1:05:54Lewis Howes?

  is amazing, and I'm so glad I got to connect with her and learn more about this information. On how I can prepare myself, you know, for when I want to be a father someday, how I can truly prepare myself to know when it's the right time, not just because I'm feeling pressured by someone to have children, or because other people want me to do it, or whatever, but to truly know that I'm ready and what I'm signing up for, what I'm, you know, preparing myself for, and letting my ego go, and preparing myself to have the greatest teacher ever enter my life, right? That's what this is all about, is shedding the ego, dropping the mask, and allowing to be taught something new at all periods

• 1:06:36Lewis Howes?

  of life. So, I'm very excited about this. Make sure to share it again, lewishouse.com/526, and tag me @lewishouse when you do. Make sure to tag Dr. Shafali as well. Big thank you to our sponsors, lift.com/greatness. If you're looking to earn more cash on the side, make sure to check out lift.com/greatness and get that $500 new driver bonus. Again, you can get tons of tips when you drive more, and they are the ride-sharing company that believes in treating its people better. Check out lift.com/greatness. Also, a big thank you to ZipRecruiter. If you're looking to scale your team, and you want to find the right people on your team to help your mission, your business grow, then...

• 1:07:20Lewis Howes?

  Post your job to 100+ job sites with just one click by going to ziprecruiter.com/greatness. You can post for free right now when you head there at ziprecruiter.com/greatness. Also, the Summit of Greatness is happening in a few weeks. Columbus, Ohio, we've got some of the biggest speakers in the world. It's going to be an experience you will always remember. Make sure to sign up at summitofgreatness.com. We've got a few tickets left, so get your ticket while they're still around, guys. I am so pumped and excited to see all of you who are going to be there. It's going to be an amazing time. Make sure to say hi, give me a big hug, let's take a photo, let's do all the things together in a few weeks.

• 1:08:04Lewis Howes?

  Columbus, Ohio, get ready, the Summit of Greatness is coming to you. Alright guys, you know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great.