335 Randy Couture on Becoming World Champion and The Modern Man

"A real man doesn't have to wear it on his sleeve." - Randy Couture If you enjoyed this episode, check out show notes, video, and more at http://lewishowes.com/335 Get more from Lewis! Get my New York Times Bestselling book, Make Money Easy! Get The Greatness Mindset audiobook on SpotifyText Lewis AIYouTubeInstagramWebsiteTiktokFacebookX

Speaker names marked ? are inferred from speaking time and the show’s known hosts — they are not voice-verified.

• 0:00Lewis Howes?

  This is episode number 335 with UFC heavyweight champion of the world Randy Couture. Welcome to the School of Greatness. My name is Lewis Howes, former pro athlete turned lifestyle entrepreneur. And each week we bring you an inspiring person or message to help you discover how to unlock your inner greatness. Thanks for spending some time with me today. Now let the class begin.

• 0:49Lewis Howes?

  Welcome everyone to this incredible episode with the man of the hour Randy Couture. I'm so excited about this. I did not want to stop this conversation. I had so much fun and enjoyed how far Randy went in this episode and how much he talked about. We talked a lot about many things, but for those who don't know who Randy is, he's a former collegiate wrestler, turned UFC fighter, turned superstar actor, and he is best known for starring in all three of The Expendables, Ambushed, and The Scorpion King 2. He also served as a four-time US Olympic wrestling team alternate,

• 1:29Lewis Howes?

  and is a six-time world heavyweight and light heavyweight UFC champion and Hall of Famer. Now, he also served as a soldier in the US Army, and he did that before he actually went into the UFC. So he served for many years, and then it wasn't until his late twenties and early thirties when he got into the UFC, when most people actually start retiring at that age. And he is the first of only two fighters to hold two UFC championship titles in two different divisions. Now, he is known as one of the roughest, toughest guys in the world, and also I was so touched by his generosity, his calmness, his love, his joy.

• 2:10Lewis Howes?

  He is an amazing human being. He's more than what it looks like on the surface. And we talk a lot about his history. You know, his father left when he was a young kid and he had a lot to deal with growing up and really wasn't able to express his emotions in a certain way. And talked about how he's overcome that. We talked about the definition of a real man and what it means to be masculine in the modern world. We talk about how to achieve your dreams at the age when people don't think is even possible. We talk about reinventing yourself as Randy has done over and over and over again. We talk about relationships as Randy's gone through many different ups and downs in relationships. We talk about how to raise children who want to be fighters. We talk about a lot here and I'm super pumped

• 2:55Lewis Howes?

  and excited to introduce you to him because he is just a genuine incredible human being and I think you're gonna fall in love with him as much as I did. Make sure to share this one out, guys. This one's a lot of fun. Check out the full video interview back at lewishouse.com/335 because this one is a powerful one and we really go there in a lot of ways. Also, at the end, you know, Randy never got to tell his dad how he really felt about him leaving when he was a young kid. And at the end, he shares with me what he wished he could have told his dad before his dad passed away.

• 3:30Lewis Howes?

  So some powerful things here. A lot of great stories from working on The Expendables with Sylvester Stallone and Chuck Norris and Arnold Schwarzenegger and all these superstars. Shared some incredible stories and I think you're gonna fall in love with this. So, without further ado, let me introduce you to the one, the only Randy Couture.

• 3:55Lewis Howes?

  Welcome, everyone. It's Still Things Podcast. We've got the legendary Randy Couture on. Thanks so much for coming to the studio, man. I appreciate it. You were like the epitome of like the ultimate man. So I'm excited to have you come on here. You're like the ultimate badass, the ultimate man. But I think the idea of you is like this ultimate badass and man. It's like you're like also the nicest guy I've probably had at the studio. You're like the warmest, kindest, like most gentle soul as well.

• 4:20Speaker 01

  Thanks. I try to keep it simple.

• 4:21Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah. It's great. I want to share some facts about you that I found on the internet and you have to tell me if these are all true or not. Because you never know what the internet says. But is it true that you served in the US Army?

• 4:34Speaker 01

  That's correct.

• 4:34Lewis Howes?

  From eighty-two to eighty-eight?

• 4:36Speaker 01

  Yeah, yeah. Six years in the United States Army. Uh, went in it at nineteen, had a, a brand new family.

• 4:42Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 4:43Speaker 01

  Uh, coming along and, and, uh, you know, couldn't, couldn't afford, could stay in college, basically. I, I walked on at Washington State in nineteen eighty-one, eighty-two and.

• 4:53Lewis Howes?

  Wrestling?

• 4:53Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, and, uh, didn't have a scholarship or any of that stuff, so, uh, I decided to join the service. And my dad was in the Navy, my uncle was in the Navy, uh, the Army, uh, seemed like a way to go for me. They were giving a five thousand dollar enlistment bonus at that time.

• 5:10Lewis Howes?

  Like, that's gold.

• 5:11Speaker 01

  Traffic controller, which I was interested in aviation. I originally joined because I wanted to fly. And, uh, so I took the five thousand dollars, went to, to air traffic control school and was an air traffic controller. But they figured out pretty quickly that I could wrestle.

• 5:26Lewis Howes?

  Well, there was like a freestyle wrestling team with, with the Army, so.

• 5:29Speaker 01

  The all-army wrestling team, which I didn't know anything about when I joined. But, uh, I won a post tournament at Fort Rucker and then went straight to Germany. My first duty station was in Germany and at that time in the peak of the Cold War, there was about five million soldiers stationed in Central Europe. There was a lot of soldiers because of, you know, the Soviets and the whole thing that was going on at that time. And, uh, so they had huge sports programs for morale, you know, and all those sorts of things. And I ended up winning a, a wrestling championship in, in U S Army Europe, basically. And, uh, I got a chance to try out for the all-army wrestling team. And wrestle representing the Army at the inter-service, inter-service championship. And then found out that that was a qualifier for the, for the Olympic trials.

• 6:14Lewis Howes?

  That's insane.

• 6:15Speaker 01

  So this whole thing took off that I thought had died, you know, when I, when I got married, had my first kid.

• 6:20Lewis Howes?

  Uh-huh.

• 6:21Speaker 01

  Uh, you know, I was a state, one-time state champion and Washington was trying to walk on and make the team at.

• 6:25Lewis Howes?

  But you didn't even get a scholarship, they weren't even looking at you.

• 6:28Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 6:28Lewis Howes?

  You essentially weren't good enough for a D one scholarship at the time.

• 6:31Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, that's basically what it boiled down to.

• 6:34Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 6:35Speaker 01

  I had a couple of junior colleges that were interested in me at that time. But, uh, you know, they were looking for the guys that wrestled year round that would go into the junior nationals and winning national titles at that junior age bracket. And I never did that. I never wrestled freestyle aggreko at all.

• 6:48Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 6:49Speaker 01

  Uh, and then here I am. In the army, wrestling, Greco and freestyle, first, you know, really first time I'd ever done it.

• 6:58Lewis Howes?

  Sure. Amazing. And so you went to the Olympic trials?

• 7:03Speaker 01

  I represented the army and was an alternate on the eighty-eight Olympic team as a soldier.

• 7:07Lewis Howes?

  Amazing.

• 7:08Speaker 01

  In, in the four, four of my six-year enlistment, I spent wrestling and won a couple of inter-service championships and, and ended up placing very, very high in Greco. My coach was a Greco guy and Floyd Winter.

• 7:24Speaker 01

  And th- those guys, those coaches were, were important to me because I didn't, my dad wasn't really around. So those were the guys I looked up to. They taught me that work ethic and those were the guys I kind of emulated. Taught me how to be a man in a lot of ways, uh, through the sport of wrestling. So all my coaches, Coach K Spear, you know, Coach McAvoy, uh, in the army, uh, Coach Winter, and then in college, Coach Burnett and Coach Say were, those were important guys in my life.

• 7:53Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 7:53Speaker 01

  And, uh, um, yeah.

• 7:56Lewis Howes?

  What would, what would you say is the definition of a man to you? What's it mean to be?

• 8:00Speaker 01

  The definition of a man? I, I think, uh, a real man doesn't really have to wear it on his sleeve, you know? You can be, you can, you can be tender. You can show emotion. You can be vulnerable, i- if that's the word you want to use. You don't have to prove anything to anybody. You never let your ego get in the way of, of, uh, what's right, what you really need to do. And we all struggle with that. We all, we all have that.

• 8:28Speaker 01

  We wrestle with that, if you will.

• 8:31Speaker 01

  And I don't, you know, I don't know. Maybe it was because my dad was never around much. I was always striving to, to, uh, gain that, find that self-worth, you know? If I wouldn't. Good enough for my own dad to be around.

• 8:47Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 8:47Speaker 01

  It was always that, that kind of doubt in the back of my mind that I, I had to prove myself. I had to, to earn it somehow. That's why I got into the sport of wrestling. I knew through stories from my mom that he was a wrestler. He wrestled and so I thought maybe I'll get his attention if I wrestled. And it didn't work out that way, but I found where I was supposed to be. I found the thing I was good at. I found the thing that helped me travel down the road and gain that appreciation and value in myself.

• 9:14Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. Did you feel like you had a lot of aggression when you were wrestling or you were kind of taking it out on the mat on other people?

• 9:19Speaker 01

  I was never a fighter, never gotten to, I had, you know, maybe two street fights all through school. Uh, and maybe that was because I was on the mat getting all, getting that physicalness and, uh, and getting all that out on the mat. Uh, I was, I was never really an angry kid. I think I was always kind of that guy that was smiling. You know, even when he's getting his ass kicked. Uh, so I don't know, it just wasn't wired that way.

• 9:47Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 9:47Speaker 01

  Um, and, and I think for a guy that walks up in a cage and fights somebody, that's, people can't have trouble wrapping their brain around that.

• 9:54Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 9:55Speaker 01

  You know, even walking out, walking out of the tunnel, walking out to the cage. I was always winking, smiling, you know? This is what I'm here for. This is what I trained to do. I'm, I'm here to have a good time and show everybody what I've been working on. And this is my opportunity. It wasn't about anger, animosity, aggression, any of those things. It was about competition for sure. There's a difference between being competitive and being aggressive and, and having that.

• 10:19Lewis Howes?

  Do you think a lot of the guys who maybe are wrestling or in the UFC or high level MMA are doing it out of competition? Or more of out of anger, trying to prove something, trying to, you know?

• 10:30Speaker 01

  I think we're all competitive for sure.

• 10:33Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 10:33Speaker 01

  Uh, and everybody's an individual. What, what motivated them to step into it is, is a really, really personal, individual question. Same thing about retiring, you know? Everybody asked me because, you know? What about Mandalay Silva? Should he retire? What about, you know, Dan Henderson is a good friend of mine who's still fighting uh, well into his forties and, and you know, should Dan retire? And I'm like, man, that's a tough question that asked me to

• 10:58Lewis Howes?

  Cause you're forty-eight when you retire, right?

• 10:59Speaker 01

  Yeah, I, I definitely pushed it further than a lot of guys may push it. Dan's, Dan's been fighting longer than I fought. And uh,

• 11:06Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 11:07Speaker 01

  Still competing at a very high level. It's a personal thing.

• 11:10Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 11:10Speaker 01

  You know, Tito Ortiz, you know, his first UFC was the, was the same as me, UFC thirteen. He's still fighting, still fighting for Bellator. You know, and still has that passion and wants to put himself out there and, and, and grind out a camp and go out and compete against somebody. And

• 11:25Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 11:25Speaker 01

  I, I just had other things I wanted to focus on.

• 11:28Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 11:28Speaker 01

  Such a personal thing.

• 11:29Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. So since your dad wasn't around, uh, growing up, who was the most influential person in your life?

• 11:35Speaker 01

  Well, my mom, obviously. She was working, you know, two, two jobs a lot of times to take care of three kids, mostly by herself. And uh, you know, that, uh, I had a chore list every week. I like, you know, I learned a, a work ethic. And uh, and just, you know, I was the oldest of three. I had two younger sisters and there was a lot of, you know, responsibility on me as the oldest guy in the house, the only guy in the house for a long time to, to take care of things, to get stuff done.

• 12:08Lewis Howes?

  Did your mom ever remarry or?

• 12:10Speaker 01

  She did for a while. Uh, she was married to Dawn through my junior high and high school years. And uh, I guess it lasted about six years.

• 12:20Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 12:21Speaker 01

  And, and there were a whole bunch of things about Dawn that I really liked. He was an outdoorsman. He was an avid hunter and avid fisherman. He was one of those do it yourself kind of guys, fix the cars, you know,

• 12:31Lewis Howes?

  Figure it out, man.

• 12:32Speaker 01

  Let's build a cement stairway in the backyard up to the back, you know, I knew how to do all that kind of stuff. So for a kid my age, I was like, wow, that's really cool, you know, I would love that sort of thing. But at the same time, he was kind of a verbally abusive kind of, uh, an incessant tease, but always took that way too far. And, and it was I think hurtful in a lot of ways.

• 12:54Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 12:55Speaker 01

  So kind of any confidence you gained, you got kind of undermined and, and uh,

• 12:59Lewis Howes?

  There was something still wrong, I'm guessing, yeah.

• 13:00Speaker 01

  Yeah. So.

• 13:02Lewis Howes?

  What about the male, uh, the male role models for you? Like the?

• 13:06Speaker 01

  Again, my coaches were real important. Now, some of my friends' fathers took me under the, you know, my, one of my best friends, Mark Baggerly, his dad, Mr. Baggerly, I, you know, mom, pop, bags, they called him mom and dad. Uh, he was our Boy Scout troop leader. Uh, Tim Deitchman, my neighbor, one of my good friends, his dad, John, you know, my car need fixing. I go to one of those two. They knew how to fix it. They knew how to build it. They knew how to take care of it. And, uh, those were the guys that, you know, picked up the slack in a long ways.

• 13:39Lewis Howes?

  What would you say were the biggest lessons that your, your coaches, your wrestling coaches taught you about on the mat, on the mat and off the mat? And how was their approach to?

• 13:47Speaker 01

  I think just, uh, diligence, be, you know, whatever it was gonna be, you needed to work for it. Well, nobody's gonna hand it to you. Nobody's gonna feel sorry for you. You better suck it up and get it done and do it yourself. Don't rely on somebody else. And, uh, this sport of wrestling is one of those few sports, I think, that develops that kind of character.

• 14:09Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 14:10Speaker 01

  You know, you spend the time, run the extra mile, do the extra drilling, you know, uh, it's gonna pay off and you're gonna see the results and you're gonna, you're gonna win the matches, the close matches, the tough matches. Uh, and I think that I learned that from the sport and from those guys that taught me and, and made me work in the sport.

• 14:30Lewis Howes?

  Right. What about being in the army? What was that like? You know, wrestling, but also what was the energy like with just all the men in there? What was the, what was that experience like?

• 14:41Speaker 01

  I mean, formative time from 19 to 25 years old. So, so looking, you know, going through military training, basic training, advanced training and, uh, aerosol school, primary leadership school, those are all schools, military schools that I went through when I was in that, during that six years, as well as being part of, of an elite wrestling team and. And all the work that

• 15:03Lewis Howes?

  That's a lot of work.

• 15:04Speaker 01

  Goes into that, uh, I think you, you start to look at the world in, in a particular way. You look through a specific set of eyes and, and apply that to every problem that you come up, up against and, uh, and I, I, I think that that, that's what ultimately carried me down the road. It allowed me success, you know, to get through college from 25 to 29, uh, older than most of the guys.

• 15:26Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 15:27Speaker 01

  On the team that, that were.

• 15:28Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 15:29Speaker 01

  That I was competing against and competing with, uh, and then ultimately into MMA at, at 33, almost 34 years old.

• 15:37Lewis Howes?

  That's when you started.

• 15:37Speaker 01

  Competed till I was, till I was 48.

• 15:40Lewis Howes?

  So 30, was that your first UFC fight was when you?

• 15:42Speaker 01

  I was 33, almost 34. Yeah. May of, May of 1997.

• 15:46Lewis Howes?

  A lot of guys retire then, don't they?

• 15:48Speaker 01

  Yeah. By, by combative sports.

• 15:50Lewis Howes?

  They're done. They're beat up.

• 15:52Speaker 01

  Most guys are over the hill at, at that age already, but I think that's changed a little too. Do the sports, uh, or the science of sports, you know, 40 has kind of become what 30 used to be.

• 16:03Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 16:03Speaker 01

  Uh, in a lot of ways, we're seeing a lot of guys.

• 16:05Lewis Howes?

  Recover a lot faster.

• 16:05Speaker 01

  Across the board, a lot of guys are pushing it into their 40s, well into their 40s where it used to be. And you pushed it maybe into your 30s or mid 30s.

• 16:14Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 16:14Speaker 01

  Uh, as a professional athlete, that, uh, as a high level athlete.

• 16:18Lewis Howes?

  What's the difference between preparing for a wrestling match, um, where you know you're not going to get kicked in the face compared to preparing for, you know, an all out cage fight where it's like the guy's trying to, trying to literally kill you as opposed to pin you. It's a much, you know, it's a different energy.

• 16:35Speaker 01

  Wrestling is, is a.

• 16:36Lewis Howes?

  Like, how do you go into that man sleep physically?

• 16:38Speaker 01

  It's a concentrated version of MMA.

• 16:40Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 16:41Speaker 01

  Uh, a wrestling match, even if it goes overtime, is only going to last nine minutes.

• 16:46Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 16:46Speaker 01

  You know, the average collegiate match is seven minutes. Uh, uh, a freestyle match is six minutes. And then there's some overtime if, if it's that close.

• 16:54Lewis Howes?

  It's quick.

• 16:55Speaker 01

  Yeah. So that's a, and you're being called constantly for stalling, for passivity.

• 17:00Lewis Howes?

  So you gotta move.

• 17:01Speaker 01

  You had constant action. That's one of the first things I had to learn was to temper that wrestling mindset that I'd spent so many years developing and, and know when I could rest, know when I could pull back, play position, you know, take a break. Cause it's for a 25 minute fight, there's no way you can go at that pace.

• 17:18Lewis Howes?

  No.

• 17:18Speaker 01

  You're gonna, you're gonna tank at some point, uh, and you don't want to be there. Run out of gas in the middle of a fight. It's not a good place to be. So learning to kind of temper that energy. When to turn it on, when to turn it off, and that only comes with experience. So, uh, I think, uh, finding a good, healthy group of guys to train with, guys I knew, guys I trusted that were gonna, I knew they were gonna push me. They wanted to punch me as bad as I wanted to punch them. But at the same time, they were gonna take care of you. They weren't trying to hurt you. They weren't, you know, they weren't trying to prove that they were better than you. Or that I had a great group of, of wrestling friends like Dan Henderson, Matt Lillen. We, we all kinda got into this at the same time. And, uh, so we knocked the hell out of each other, but we had a blast doing it.

• 18:02Lewis Howes?

  What was the most memorable moment for you as a wrestler?

• 18:05Speaker 01

  As a wrestler? I think the Pan Am Championships in Havana, Cuba, uh, in 1991. Uh, I was, you know, Cuban in my weight class. I'd wrestled him several times. I'd never beat him. He was a silver medalist in the Olympics, silver medal, silver medalist at the world championships. He was very, very good. Uh, and then I wrestled him in the finals in Havana in front of Fidel. Uh, and I beat him. That was the first and only time I beat him. Uh, it was, it was amazing. Uh, just a great match. I, I was on, you know, it was like one of those times when you got everything right and you peaked and just had that, that competition where everything just flowed. I picked him up and I threw him and, and, and he actually made the news, the throw did.

• 18:50Speaker 01

  So it was just one of those, one of those events where everything came together.

• 18:54Lewis Howes?

  Is that video on YouTube any chance?

• 18:55Speaker 01

  I don't know.

• 18:56Lewis Howes?

  I gotta, I gotta link that up in the show notes if we can find that. That's cool. And did you qualify for the Olympics then?

• 19:01Speaker 01

  That qualified the weight class, uh, the hemispheric championship, the Pan Am Championships. Uh, wrestling's one of those sports where you have to qualify your weight class to go to the Olympics. Uh, unlike the world championships in a non-Olympic year, anybody can go.

• 19:17Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 19:17Speaker 01

  Anybody that has a team can send a team and go to the world championships. Or the Olympics, you there's a qualification process. You have to qualify through either having placed at the Worlds at a top six or top two in your hemisphere.

• 19:32Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 19:33Speaker 01

  Qualifies your weight. I ended up losing in the trials.

• 19:36Lewis Howes?

  Oh, man.

• 19:38Speaker 01

  So I was the number one guy in my weight class in ninety-two and ninety-six and managed to take second in those trials. So yeah, devastated.

• 19:46Lewis Howes?

  Tough.

• 19:47Speaker 01

  They go four years and then.

• 19:48Lewis Howes?

  Oh, my. I I know the feeling.

• 19:50Speaker 01

  Stumble in the final match and, you know, to make the team.

• 19:53Lewis Howes?

  Oh.

• 19:54Speaker 01

  So I was an alternate.

• 19:55Lewis Howes?

  That's tough.

• 19:56Speaker 01

  In both those years as the number one guy, the guy everybody expected. But I think that, you know, that motivated me. That kept me motivated into my thirties. You know, I was still still wanted to compete, still felt like I had things to accomplish and and it worked out. Had I made one of those teams and won my medal, I probably would be coaching somewhere. We wouldn't be sitting here talking.

• 20:16Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 20:17Speaker 01

  To be honest.

• 20:18Lewis Howes?

  Thirty years old, I'm done. Achieve the dream.

• 20:20Speaker 01

  Yeah, I would have. I would have stayed in coaching and just continued to coach as a college coach and would have never probably forayed into MMA and and done all the stuff that happened there.

• 20:31Lewis Howes?

  Isn't it funny how sometimes our biggest letdowns can turn into like the greatest opportunities for us?

• 20:35Speaker 01

  Yeah, if we keep our wits about us and stay focused and not let it, you know, not let it change us and

• 20:40Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 20:41Speaker 01

  ruin us as people.

• 20:43Lewis Howes?

  I I've competed. I play on the USA team for a sport called Team Handball.

• 20:47Speaker 01

  Oh, yeah. Great sport. Yeah.

• 20:48Lewis Howes?

  And so I've been to the last Pan Am Championships in Brazil and Argentina, the last two in two thousand twelve, two thousand fourteen. And the two thousand sixteen is next month. And so I'm going with the USA team.

• 20:59Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 20:59Lewis Howes?

  To Argentina again for for a week and a half to compete in the Pan Am Championships to qualify us for Worlds. So I'm right there.

• 21:06Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 21:07Lewis Howes?

  And I'm thirty-three, so I'm still playing the sport kind of at an older age. It's not as intense physically as UFC, but it's still really intense.

• 21:15Speaker 01

  No, I said absolutely.

• 21:16Lewis Howes?

  It's a physical sport, yeah.

• 21:18Speaker 01

  I'm a fan of the sport.

• 21:19Lewis Howes?

  It's a great sport, right?

• 21:20Speaker 01

  Hadn't lived in Germany for three years. It's very, very popular in Europe, much more popular than it is here.

• 21:26Lewis Howes?

  It's pretty much unknown here.

• 21:27Speaker 01

  Yeah, and and so.

• 21:30Speaker 01

  I'm familiar with the sport.

• 21:31Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, that's cool. Did you ever play?

• 21:33Speaker 01

  Never played, watched it.

• 21:35Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, it's fun.

• 21:36Speaker 01

  I like to watch it.

• 21:37Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, it's cool.

• 21:38Speaker 01

  But I never had the opportunity to play it.

• 21:39Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, so it's it's cool that you had that experience in Cuba. Um, I'm gonna be experiencing that here very soon. Uh, so how did you prepare then for UFC fights? You went from wrestling in transition into MMA, uh, in UFC. How did you decide like, okay, I'm going to start punching people now? And I've never done that before. I've only been in two street fights essentially and never learned to punch.

• 22:03Speaker 01

  Which is a whole different thing, yeah.

• 22:04Lewis Howes?

  Whole different thing. Um, how did that transition happen?

• 22:07Speaker 01

  I used that wrestling eyes that I developed that, again, you look at the world in a particular way. And, okay, here are the rules of engagement. Here's what I need to learn. Here's what I think, you know, how I see myself as an athlete, how I match up. You know, and and there's a lot of things that, uh, were habits that I developed as a wrestler. First of all, the mental skills, uh, to deal with the adversity, uh, deal with the adversity of competition.

• 22:33Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 22:34Speaker 01

  Which is the difference between a lot of the best guys and and some of the guys that had the physical talent, but never really kind of got over the line.

• 22:41Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 22:41Speaker 01

  Never really finished strong. I had the opportunity to work with sports psychologists and learn some mental skills and and apply that then to fighting. And then the wrestler breaks things down in a very tactical, technical, by the numbers kind of way. That's how we learn in wrestling. And I just started applying that same thing to to fighting. It's like, okay, I need to know what these jiu jitsu guys are doing. How's this work? And what, you know, start putting myself in those situations and technically trying to learn

• 23:11Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 23:12Speaker 01

  their perspective and what they're trying to do. And where were the pitfalls for me as a as a wrestler who tends to be aggressive? Uh, you know, where am I gonna get in trouble here? What, you know, and this, and the same thing with boxing, kickboxing, all that. I've never really done a lot of that. Uh, so I had, I just had to keep putting myself out there, be willing to get punched, be willing to get submitted, be willing to to take my lumps, basically, as I learned. But that learning curve, I think, was fast because I was a high level wrestler.

• 23:42Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 23:42Speaker 01

  And was willing to check my ego and just put myself out there regardless of

• 23:46Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 23:47Speaker 01

  what I'd done in wrestling. That didn't matter at that point.

• 23:49Lewis Howes?

  Uh, yeah.

• 23:50Speaker 01

  So. It worked out.

• 23:53Lewis Howes?

  What was the mindset, like the approach when you're like, okay, I've got a, I've got a fight coming up? How did you think? Did you think differently on a daily basis? Was your, you know, where did you go in your mind, in your zone?

• 24:05Speaker 01

  Uh, well, I think, you know, for me, it was sit down, okay, they want you to fight this guy.

• 24:11Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 24:12Speaker 01

  I'll sit down with my trainers, my, my strength coach, my ground coach, my striking coach. Those are the three guys that are gonna help me prepare. Uh, we'd sit down, we'd look at footage, try and find the oldest fight to the newest fight of this guy. And just watch him fight and.

• 24:30Lewis Howes?

  Every fight, as much as you could.

• 24:32Speaker 01

  As many as I could find.

• 24:33Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 24:33Speaker 01

  We'd watch him, you know, get an idea of how he'd progressed, where he was, where he, where he won fights, where he lost fights, where he seemed to score, where he didn't seem to like to be, uh, and then have to be rational about, okay, well, how does my style fit with this guy? Where can I put him? I have a pretty good idea of what I'm good at.

• 24:49Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 24:50Speaker 01

  How can I put him in positions where I'm in the best spot to win this fight? To make him uncomfortable, to, to make him quit, to make him work harder than he wants to work.

• 24:58Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 24:59Speaker 01

  And, and make him quit. Uh, and then you formulate a game plan, you know, okay, these are the things I need to be aware of and watch out for, cause he's, he's good at these things. These are the things he doesn't seem to like to wa- or wanna do, or, or where he wants to be.

• 25:14Speaker 01

  And, and then you start fashioning your, your, certain days you're doing strength and conditioning, certain days you're sharpening striking tools, certain days you're sparring hard with sparring partners that are making you work and, and making sure your, your mindset and your, and your physical conditioning is up where it needs to be.

• 25:32Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 25:33Speaker 01

  And you map it out. Here's fight night, seven days back, here's my last hard workout, cause I need to rest and have my legs under me. You just map it out, okay? Here's, there are my, these are my strength and conditioning days, these are my mitt work days, these are my hard sparring days.

• 25:47Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 25:47Speaker 01

  And you go all the way back to, here's the day we are actually watching film and, and formulating this plan. And now you start executing the plan.

• 25:55Lewis Howes?

  Every day.

• 25:55Speaker 01

  And, uh, and you, you get halfway through it, you're like, man, what was I thinking? That looked really good on paper, but I am. Beat, I need to take a day off. I need to learn, you know, that's one of the things I had to learn.

• 26:08Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 26:09Speaker 01

  Yeah, I had to learn to listen to my body. I had to have the confidence and the plan to take a day off here or there to let myself recover, let myself, you know, get a breather, active rest days. Where you're out of the gym, you're not in on the mat grinding out another day. Go ride your mountain bike, go do something else that that is still physical, but not.

• 26:27Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 26:27Speaker 01

  Not the same thing. Gives you that break.

• 26:30Lewis Howes?

  The grind is tough, man. And when you were, let's say it's a, an hour before the fight.

• 26:35Speaker 01

  Mm hmm.

• 26:36Lewis Howes?

  What was your routine like? You know, you're getting, you're in the, in the arena, you hear the, the noise, the 50,000 screaming fans.

• 26:44Speaker 01

  That's why you're smiling.

• 26:44Lewis Howes?

  You're the ticket.

• 26:45Speaker 01

  It's that's that time. Yeah.

• 26:47Lewis Howes?

  What do you, what do you do, think, breathe, eat, feel?

• 26:51Speaker 01

  You don't really eat much then. You know, most of that's been taken care of. You ate earlier in the day and you're really operating on what you ate the night before, after weigh-ins. Uh, you, you have a ritual.

• 27:05Lewis Howes?

  What was yours?

• 27:06Speaker 01

  You know, uh, you, you wear a specific set of clothes. You, you, you, uh, do go through a specific set of calisthenics and warm-up exercises and stretching and, and then you have a game plan. So, you know, you're going to put yourself in kind of drilling in those situations, the things that you've trained to do that whole 10, 12 weeks. Uh, you mimic those as much as you can in that back room on that little mat.

• 27:33Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 27:34Speaker 01

  Uh, and you know, the, the monitors are there so you can see what's going on in the fights. You have to be careful, especially when you have friends fighting. You can't emotionally plug in.

• 27:43Lewis Howes?

  Get excited.

• 27:44Speaker 01

  And to those, because I'm spending energy that I'm going to need when I got to walk out there and I got to fight. So that, that's always a hard thing too. Uh, but just you're very focused and, and enjoying the moment.

• 27:54Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 27:55Speaker 01

  I think that's.

• 27:55Lewis Howes?

  Kind of let go of everything else.

• 27:57Speaker 01

  Yeah. And everybody's like, aren't you nervous? I'm like, no, why would I be nervous? I chose to to frame it differently. This is something I learned through dealing with the sports psychologists. Nervousness implies something negative is going on, something if you're nervous, you're automatically have a different posture and demeanor when you say you're nervous about something. I'm not nervous, I'm excited.

• 28:18Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, you were smiling a lot.

• 28:19Speaker 01

  Yeah, I I I worked hard for this moment to walk out there in front of everybody and show them what I trained to do, what I'm what I'm here to do. Doesn't mean I'm gonna win, doesn't mean it's gonna go my way.

• 28:30Lewis Howes?

  You set yourself up.

• 28:31Speaker 01

  But the people who really care about me don't give a shit whether I win or lose.

• 28:34Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 28:35Speaker 01

  All the fans and everybody else, they may be hot and cold whether I win or lose and but I can't I can't place my value on that.

• 28:42Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 28:43Speaker 01

  Uh, as a person, as as an athlete.

• 28:45Lewis Howes?

  Where did you put your value?

• 28:47Speaker 01

  Uh, friends and family. I mean, those are the ones that really matter. And you know, value yourself enough to to do the work, to to prepare the best way you know how. And you get, you make a mistake, you you get knocked down. You gotta, you know, pick yourself back up, learn from that experience.

• 29:08Lewis Howes?

  Was there ever a time where you were like, man, I there's no way I can get out of this, or maybe it's gonna be really challenging for me to get out of this situation in the in the cage, where you're just getting pummeled, you're just like in the worst, most uncomfortable situation?

• 29:21Speaker 01

  Been there a couple of times.

• 29:22Lewis Howes?

  And then you somehow got out of it and you won. Was there was there ever a situation where you got?

• 29:26Speaker 01

  Got out of a couple of situations. Uh, probably the toughest fight I was in was the first time I fought Pedro Hizo. It was my first fight in Atlantic City. Uh, big Brazilian kid, great kickboxer, um, tough kid. It was a back and forth battle. I went out, won the first round, almost had him TKO'd. Spent a ton of energy trying to finish the fight.

• 29:46Lewis Howes?

  Exhausted.

• 29:47Speaker 01

  Didn't didn't finish, you know, referee, John, Big John McCarthy was referee, you know, he I'd cut him, I'd I'd hurt him, but it didn't didn't stop the fight. And then the second round, he came back, uh. Kick me, I blocked the kick but punched myself in the nose, broke my nose.

• 30:04Lewis Howes?

  Oh man.

• 30:05Speaker 01

  So I'm bleeding all over now and he kept kicking me in the leg. It was the first time anybody'd really

• 30:09Lewis Howes?

  That is, that's hard.

• 30:10Speaker 01

  And, and he kicked me in the leg 14 times, I think, in my left thigh. Same spot. I have a dent still to this day. Where the tissue just didn't recover.

• 30:20Lewis Howes?

  Right in the same spot. It's hard to walk when you get kicked in the left side.

• 30:23Speaker 01

  Yeah, by the, by the fifth round, he kicked me once and my leg just gave out. I ended up on the floor.

• 30:28Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 30:28Speaker 01

  Right as the, as the buzzer ended. Um, when I came back, and that was one of those times after the second round, I'm sitting there with a broken nose bleeding.

• 30:37Lewis Howes?

  Your legs aren't broken.

• 30:38Speaker 01

  Just exhausted. And I'm sitting on my stool, looking at Dan Henderson, who was my corner man, and they give you that 10 second warning, you know? Seconds out, 10 seconds.

• 30:46Lewis Howes?

  I needed like 3 minutes.

• 30:47Speaker 01

  And I'm just sitting there looking at him and he's looking at me, he's like, what are you staring at me for? Let's go. I had to make a decision right then.

• 30:54Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 30:54Speaker 01

  What, what was I gonna do? And I got up and went out and I won the third round, won the fourth, he won the fifth. So he'd won the, the second and the fifth. I'd won the first, third and fourth. Ended up winning a unanimous decision, but it was, you know, it was a brawl. Tough.

• 31:09Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 31:09Speaker 01

  First fight my mom ever went to.

• 31:11Lewis Howes?

  Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh.

• 31:13Speaker 01

  She was like, I'll never watch it again on TV. She always had to wait for that phone call, you know?

• 31:18Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 31:19Speaker 01

  She's like, I know, I can see you're fine, you're all right. And, and I'm here. I don't have to wait for a phone call. She came to every fight after that.

• 31:26Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 31:26Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 31:27Lewis Howes?

  That's cool.

• 31:28Speaker 01

  So, and I was in a fight up in Portland, Oregon, against, uh, uh, Nogera. Who's a great submission guy and I was in a couple of tough spots in that fight and managed through, we prepared, you know? The, the training process with my ground coach, he, he understood the submission game as well as anybody, Neil, Neil Millanson. And, uh, we just kind of prepared counters for any potential submissions that this guy seemed to like. And I ended up in all, about all of them and managed to get out of about all of them.

• 32:00Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 32:00Speaker 01

  I ended up losing the decision, but, uh, it was still one of the fights I'm, I'm proud of that.

• 32:05Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 32:05Speaker 01

  You know, we'd done the work and, and it was a great fight.

• 32:08Lewis Howes?

  I'm curious, how have, how has MMA and wrestling affected and impacted your personal relationships either? With friends, with family, but also with intimate relationships?

• 32:18Speaker 01

  Well, I, I, I have to this day, some of the best friends that I've ever, I mean, through wrestling and, and fighting. Some of, some of the guys that are my closest friends, they're the guys I, I rely on, I know I can count on, and I think they know they can count on me. Uh, it's also been, I've been married and divorced three times. Wow, yeah. It's been a, a challenge, uh, staying connected, uh, with, with, uh, one person with all the travel, all the, you know, just everything kinda has to take a backseat, uh, when you. With your goals and your dreams. You're trying to be the best at something and, and, you know, my kids, my, my family, they, they've,

• 32:59Speaker 01

  they've sacrificed as much as I have for, for that and, uh, it's, it's tough. Challenging. Yeah, very, very challenging. Um, you know, I got married early. The first time I got married, I was, I was nineteen years old and out of necessity, I think I went on auto, autopilot. Girlfriend, uh, I dated the same girl my whole senior year in high school and, uh, we, uh, kinda broke up. I was going across the state to Washington State, walking on the RSM program there. She stayed at University of Washington and I'm like, we're gonna, how's this gonna work? It's tough. And, uh, we ended up breaking up, but I came home, I didn't make the team in November, uh, for Thanksgiving.

• 33:41Speaker 01

  The travel squad, I got beat out by a senior. He went on the trip. I went home for Thanksgiving. Yeah. We went on a date, you know, uh, she called me three weeks later, I'm pregnant. Oh, man. And I went on autopilot. I'm like, you know, I'm like, I'm not gonna be like my dad. Right. I don't care what, what happens, you know, I'm gonna be there for this kid. It's gonna be part, you know, I'm gonna be part of his life. I'm gonna be there and I'm not gonna be like my dad. And we ended up getting married that February. I quit school, walked away from school and joined the service and, uh, was in the army for six years. Had my second child, Amy, while we were stationed in Germany. Mm-hmm. And, uh,

• 34:22Speaker 01

  You know, we just slowly heading in different directions as we grew up.

• 34:27Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 34:29Speaker 01

  Um, she's a great person. We, we, we always got along.

• 34:32Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, that's great.

• 34:33Speaker 01

  She, we raised two amazing kids.

• 34:36Lewis Howes?

  Sure. So what's it like with the relationship with those kids with, you know, again, you so focused and committed?

• 34:42Speaker 01

  Yeah, well, I think they understood it and that, you know, they came to all the fights and, and I think they appreciated it. And in a lot of ways, it was an example of that hard work and that work ethic and, and all that. At the same time, there was the sacrifices. I didn't, I didn't see him as much as I wanted to see him. I wasn't, especially after we divorced. You know, from nine to, to eighteen, uh, you know, wasn't there every day. Was, you know, wasn't there as, as much as I'd like to have been or as much as they'd probably wanted me to be.

• 35:09Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 35:10Speaker 01

  But at the same time, fighting allowed us a bunch of things.

• 35:13Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 35:14Speaker 01

  As a professional athlete that, that, you know, there were things that, that were benefits to that, to that. So the sacrifice went both ways.

• 35:22Lewis Howes?

  What are the main lessons you've wanted to teach your, your children about, you know, your, your sons about what it means to be a man and be a good father and?

• 35:30Speaker 01

  Well, my youngest is thirteen, so he's just now kind of getting into puberty and, and all that stuff and, and, uh, he's an only child, was only child from my second marriage and, uh, and, uh, so there, there's a lot of challenges ahead with him. And again, you know, especially now, I'm, I'm as busy as I've ever been.

• 35:49Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 35:50Speaker 01

  Uh, again divorced and, and he lives in Oregon. I'm, I'm living, you know, in, in Vegas. Uh, it, it's, it's a challenge to get up there as often as I want to and see, he's just now kind of getting to that age where he's got the confidence to travel a little more himself.

• 36:04Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 36:04Speaker 01

  But even then, he, you know, he's got his own life. He's got his own friends. He's got his own things that he wants to do. And I don't always revolve around, you know, well, let's go hang out with dad for the weekend, you know? And then being a weekend father is a tough thing.

• 36:16Lewis Howes?

  It's tough.

• 36:17Speaker 01

  You know, you want to have a good time. You don't want to have to discipline and, and, you know, make corrections and

• 36:23Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 36:23Speaker 01

  do any of that stuff when it's the only time you get to see him this month.

• 36:27Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 36:27Speaker 01

  And, uh, so that's a real, that's a challenge. Uh, his mom's a very strong person, very strong personality. And, uh, and, uh, I think, you know, that, that's, uh, that's a challenge too.

• 36:39Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. What lessons are you trying to teach? You know, one, your other son's a fighter, right?

• 36:44Speaker 01

  Ryan's fighting. He fights for Bellator and, and he's a very, very smart. Uh, you know, went to college, got his degree in math and then decided he wanted to fight. Uh, you know, he's always been into wrestling through junior high and high school and did very, very well, but was always a very smart kid.

• 37:02Lewis Howes?

  What are you trying to instill in him from the lessons you've learned?

• 37:05Speaker 01

  I think he understands it. He understands it. It's about work, but at the root of it, you have to have a passion for it. You have to love it. If you don't love it, especially in a sport this difficult, you're not gonna make, you're not gonna make the sacrifices and do the things you need to do to get there, to be the best at it.

• 37:27Lewis Howes?

  Right, right.

• 37:27Speaker 01

  He may not be the most athletic or the most technically talented guy, but if you're willing to work, that'll make a huge difference. And he seems to be willing to do the work.

• 37:38Lewis Howes?

  What's your approach to teaching him how, what it means to be a man? Again, your father wasn't there for you. How do you try to teach him about masculinity and being a man?

• 37:48Speaker 01

  I don't know. I kind of follow what I learned in the army, which is lead by example. And yeah, I've made mistakes. I've made plenty of mistakes. But at the same time, I've owned them and been willing to be honest about them and not try to hide or deny or, you know. I think you have to stand up and take responsibility for yourself. And I think he gets that. In a lot of ways, he's a lot like me, which is cool. It's, you know, I'm proud of him. He's a great kid. He's married now. Got married, going on two years now, a year and a half now.

• 38:33Speaker 01

  And his wife's lovely and they live in Vegas, train with me.

• 38:37Lewis Howes?

  That's great.

• 38:38Speaker 01

  Getting more and more involved in the gym and trying to run the gym. I'd love to just hand that all off to him. And go, you know, ride off into the sunset, do my thing.

• 38:46Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 38:47Speaker 01

  Uh, he, he's just, he's a great kid.

• 38:49Lewis Howes?

  That's cool.

• 38:50Speaker 01

  Great job. Every single person that meets him, you know, is so complimentary about what a nice man he is.

• 38:57Lewis Howes?

  Just like you.

• 38:58Speaker 01

  Great kid he is and, and what a great job he does, how easy he is to work with, how fun he is to be around.

• 39:04Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 39:05Speaker 01

  I mean, what, what more could you ask for?

• 39:07Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. Talk to me about toughness and, um, aggression. You know, you're considered, again, a lot of people consider you one of the toughest guys in the world, but you're also one of the nicest. What does toughness mean to you? And is it that hard work attitude or is it something else?

• 39:22Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think it, it comes from, from that work ethic. Uh, but it's not something you know you have unless you're willing to test it, unless you're willing to put yourself out there. I don't think people realize, and I guess maybe it's the sport of wrestling.

• 39:36Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 39:37Speaker 01

  You know, we used to do grind matches, 90 minute matches.

• 39:41Lewis Howes?

  90 minutes?

• 39:42Speaker 01

  Straight. Come in, tie your shit on. No breaks, no water, no nothing, you're gonna wrestle for the next 90 minutes straight. No, don't know where to hide, nowhere to go. And as a first time I've seen grown men actually break down.

• 39:57Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 39:57Speaker 01

  And, and, and cry and just be, I mean.

• 40:01Lewis Howes?

  Is it high school or college?

• 40:02Speaker 01

  This was on the national team.

• 40:04Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 40:05Speaker 01

  We had some days like that in.

• 40:07Lewis Howes?

  In the army.

• 40:07Speaker 01

  In the army as well. High school was, was, I mean, wrestling is, and for all intensive purposes, wrestling is the Marine Corps of high school athletics.

• 40:15Lewis Howes?

  That's it, man. That and football, I would say, football's pretty close.

• 40:18Speaker 01

  It's tough and, and, uh, you're gonna find out where your breaking point is, how mentally tough you are. You know, how much you willing, how much you really wanna be there, how much you really want and love to, to do what you're doing. And, uh, I think you find those boundaries and you find that you can go a lot harder and a lot longer than you think you can. Your brain is telling you, oh, I'm tired, I wanna, but. You suck it up and you have a coach or your training partner that pushes you that motivates you to keep going, to keep going, to keep going, even when your brain screaming that you should, do you want to quit?

• 40:53Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 40:53Speaker 01

  And your body, then you, next thing you know, you've gone 15 more minutes, you've gone 20 more minutes, when 20 minutes ago, your brain was telling you, you wanted to give up.

• 41:01Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 41:02Speaker 01

  And then I was like, wow, I didn't quit, I kept going. And now that boundary's been set back a little bit further. Now you're gonna go that far before your brain starts screaming. And again, through the help of your, your, your own passion for it, your training partners who you don't want to let down, and your coach, who you don't want to let down, you're gonna go another 10 minutes. And now I got pushed back 10 minutes further, and you just keep pushing that boundary back and going harder and farther than you thought you could go.

• 41:31Lewis Howes?

  But if you don't absolutely.

• 41:32Speaker 01

  That's mental toughness.

• 41:33Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 41:34Speaker 01

  And that was, it became my goal, something I learned at Oklahoma State. I think in the Army, I learned, junior high and high school, I learned the path, I loved the sport. In the, in the Army, I learned that I could compete on an international stage. I don't think I had that confidence to do that when I was in junior high and high school.

• 41:53Lewis Howes?

  Interesting.

• 41:54Speaker 01

  I think when I was in the Army, I learned, I can, I can compete at this level.

• 41:56Lewis Howes?

  You learn the toughness, yeah.

• 41:57Speaker 01

  I was an alternate on the Olympic team as a soldier. I can do this.

• 42:01Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 42:01Speaker 01

  Then I got a scholarship to go to Oklahoma State, one of the best wrestling colleges historically in the world.

• 42:07Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 42:07Speaker 01

  And, and now I learned to win. Learned what it takes, the mental toughness to push myself and to work harder than anybody else and win. And, you know, I didn't always win, but I learned that I could win. And again, went on to win four national titles in Greco and, and, you know, be the number one guy in 92 and 96. Then I fell short, didn't, didn't achieve my goal, making the team, winning my medal. But I think that, again, that setback motivated me that much more to continue, to, to keep going, to, to push myself further. I had more to achieve, more to do, and then MMA rolled along.

• 42:45Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 42:46Speaker 01

  And I think if I'd have won my medal, I'd have been perfectly happy. I'd probably be a big old fat wrestling coach right now, blowing a whistle somewhere instead of, you know, continuing to, probably would never have been a fat wrestling coach.

• 42:59Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah. But you want, you went on to win six UFC titles, right? Is that right? And I'm curious, you know, you said this is the first time you saw, I guess, boys, men cry when they hit their breaking point wrestling in these 90 minute sessions. What was it like when you'd see, was this a lot of people would do this, or a few people would like break down and cry?

• 43:18Speaker 01

  I saw it a couple of times. Doesn't happen.

• 43:19Lewis Howes?

  What would happen in the room when, you know, you saw that? Were people accepting of that? Or were they like, quit being, you know, quit crying and step up again?

• 43:28Speaker 01

  No, that's the thing. Good training partners, your teammates, guys that you know you can trust. Again, when you find yourself in that situation where you can't go anymore, where you just, you literally emotionally break, they're gonna pick you up. They're gonna help you go further, help you get through it. And that's what we do for each other.

• 43:48Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. So it was more about support and love and connection, not like quit being a pussy?

• 43:53Speaker 01

  Nah, I mean, no, it was never like that. You're never gonna chastise that guy, because that could be you tomorrow.

• 43:59Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 44:00Speaker 01

  You don't know.

• 44:02Lewis Howes?

  Interesting. So you really were embracing that experience?

• 44:06Speaker 01

  Yeah, you had to.

• 44:07Lewis Howes?

  That's cool.

• 44:08Speaker 01

  We're all struggling with it. A 90 minute match is a long match. We're all struggling, you know? We're all fighting the same fight, you know? And so on that, any given day, that could be you, and you realize that. There's, there's a recognition of that vulnerability, of that potential, of that wall, that barrier. And we're all trying to push it back.

• 44:32Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 44:32Speaker 01

  But we're all, we're all fighting it.

• 44:34Lewis Howes?

  Do you ever feel like you had to suppress emotions when you were fighting? Like, I have to be tough and strong. I can't show my emotion?

• 44:41Speaker 01

  Absolutely.

• 44:42Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 44:42Speaker 01

  I think we learn to box things up as athletes, you know? We learn to stuff things, put them, put them to the side and stay on task, stay on, focused on what we need to do to go out and be effective and win. That's what's weird about acting now.

• 45:01Lewis Howes?

  You have to express your emotions.

• 45:02Speaker 01

  Yeah, they want that. And I've spent my entire life, and I have that tendency anyway.

• 45:08Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 45:09Speaker 01

  To, to stuff things and not be terribly open and gregarious with my emotions.

• 45:14Lewis Howes?

  Sure, sure.

• 45:15Speaker 01

  I think, you know, even as a kid. So I spent a ton of time. Boxing it all up, pushing it to the side and staying focused on what I need to do. And now I'm supposed to just let all that out. Like this is weird.

• 45:29Lewis Howes?

  Prior command.

• 45:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, this is weird.

• 45:31Lewis Howes?

  Do you feel like the, you know, boxing the emotions, that that held you back in any way? Or that was the only way to be successful?

• 45:37Speaker 01

  I think that's where it turned, where it had a detriment and affected my personal relationships.

• 45:45Lewis Howes?

  Do you feel like you could have done?

• 45:46Speaker 01

  I, I had an adversity and maybe it was because of the type of personality that my mom was and that my dad wasn't there. I didn't have an example in the house on how to deal, especially with those kind of confrontations, those emotional type of confrontations. And so I boxed all that up and just not, not engage at all. I didn't like that kind of confrontation, which is weird for a guy that gets in a cage and punches people in the face to be afraid of that kind of confrontation.

• 46:12Lewis Howes?

  An emotional confrontation.

• 46:13Speaker 01

  Yeah, those I couldn't, I couldn't deal with that. I hated it and, and had an aversion to it and would do anything to avoid it. And a lot of times would stick my head in the sand and not deal with issues, not deal with problems. And that's, I think, you know, I was good at it as an athlete and I think that being good at it.

• 46:30Lewis Howes?

  In life.

• 46:31Speaker 01

  That wasn't good. You know, things got bigger, things festered, they, they, to tell, they got to a point where they're insurmountable. You can't get over them. The connection's so fractured and broken that you can't fix it and, and end up, you know, walking away.

• 46:47Lewis Howes?

  Wow. Do you think if you're, you know, you learned this at a younger age, whether you had a, you know, your father around to guide you in that process, or you just learned how to share your emotions better and communicate certain things that were frustrating you or whatever? Do you think you'd still be as ferocious of a warrior in your sport?

• 47:06Speaker 01

  That's a good question. It's hard to say. I think, yeah, part of what made me who I am and what made me good at what I, was my ability to kind of push that stuff to the side and stay, you know, stay focused and, and being a bit stubborn, pigheaded, I think, and had I learned.

• 47:27Speaker 01

  To stand up in those emotional situations for myself and say what I really needed or say what was really bothering me and, you know, confront. I probably would still be married to one of those ladies.

• 47:42Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 47:42Speaker 01

  More than likely. You know, the first one, we were so young.

• 47:46Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 47:47Speaker 01

  Gosh, that's an excuse.

• 47:49Lewis Howes?

  Right. You're just figuring yourself out still.

• 47:52Speaker 01

  We had no idea.

• 47:53Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 47:54Speaker 01

  Really. I have two amazing kids that are amazing despite us.

• 48:00Speaker 01

  You know, I had a lot in common with the second one. And, but she's, again, a very black and white person, a very sharp tongued, very straightforward. And that kind of confrontation, I couldn't deal with it.

• 48:17Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 48:17Speaker 01

  I didn't have the skills to deal with it. I think I'm better now as, as I, there's something about turning 50 for me. Most people say it's 40.

• 48:26Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 48:26Speaker 01

  I mean, I just say I'm a late bloomer.

• 48:28Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 48:28Speaker 01

  I don't know. But it was something about turning 50 for me that all these things kind of, I felt like came, came home and I understood myself better than I ever have. I, I knew what I, I know what I want, I know what I'll put up with, I know what I won't put up with. I'm better at communicating what I need, what I feel. I just didn't have all those skills in my twenties and thirties, certainly.

• 48:52Lewis Howes?

  What do you think it takes to learn those skills? Is there classes, you know, what is it?

• 48:57Speaker 01

  I think being willing to open yourself up. You know, I spent a ton of time, when I failed at something like marriage, I, I wanted to know why. And so I, I'd spend a ton of, more, more time than I care to admit with counselors, you know, digging around in myself, trying to figure out what, how did I do this again? How did I let this happen? What am I messing up? You know, why? I wanted to know why. I think if you're willing to put yourself out there, there's tons of places you can find answers. You can, but you gotta be willing to muck around in, in that dark shit that's in there that we all deal with.

• 49:33Lewis Howes?

  A lot of nasty.

• 49:33Speaker 01

  We're all wounded. You know, all faulty somewhere down the line.

• 49:38Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 49:38Speaker 01

  You can have the best parents in the world and in that they're damaging you, they're wounding you.

• 49:44Lewis Howes?

  Or you could be bullied in school or have some other.

• 49:46Speaker 01

  A million different reasons and things that could have happened.

• 49:49Lewis Howes?

  Learning disability or something, yeah. Interesting. So what is your definition of masculinity now then? Like if, if you wanted to teach your, your sons and you're like, okay, this is what it means to be masculine. What would you say is that definition?

• 50:02Speaker 01

  Um, man, it's such a tough question.

• 50:06Lewis Howes?

  I know.

• 50:07Speaker 01

  I think just being true to yourself, true to your heart and, and letting, being strong enough to let people see that. I think we have a tendency to put up walls and put up fronts and, uh, and not really, you know, we're scared to, to let people in, to let people see.

• 50:24Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 50:25Speaker 01

  Really what's going on, really what we feel like. And I think a real man is strong enough and confident enough to, to, to open up and, and let you, let you see.

• 50:36Lewis Howes?

  Think a real man cries?

• 50:38Speaker 01

  I think a real man does.

• 50:39Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 50:40Speaker 01

  You know?

• 50:41Lewis Howes?

  Expresses emotion.

• 50:42Speaker 01

  I think you have to, yeah.

• 50:43Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 50:44Speaker 01

  I think you have to, uh, or you're not feeling.

• 50:47Lewis Howes?

  Mm hmm.

• 50:47Speaker 01

  You know, that's what, you shut it off so long that you just don't feel anymore.

• 50:51Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 50:52Speaker 01

  And I think that's not good.

• 50:53Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. I love, I love the answer. I got, I got a few more questions for you, if that's cool. You got some time still?

• 50:58Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 50:58Lewis Howes?

  Okay, come on, I'm loving this. Um, some other facts. You were on Dancing with the Stars, huh?

• 51:03Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 51:04Lewis Howes?

  How was that experience?

• 51:05Speaker 01

  A blast. Karina Smirnoff was amazing, amazingly talented and fun.

• 51:11Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 51:12Speaker 01

  Fun to work with, uh.

• 51:14Lewis Howes?

  I've interviewed Julianne Hough, who's, uh, I've had her on the podcast, she's great.

• 51:17Speaker 01

  She was a judge when, when I was on. She wasn't, wasn't dancing then, but, uh.

• 51:21Lewis Howes?

  How'd you do?

• 51:22Speaker 01

  Her brother was, Derek was, was dancing and.

• 51:24Lewis Howes?

  I've worked out with Derek a couple of times. He's incredible.

• 51:26Speaker 01

  They're amazing. I could sit and just watch them goof around and practice.

• 51:29Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 51:30Speaker 01

  Cause they're so amazing, so fluid and just they make it look so easy. And then I could do that. And then you get out there and like, oh shit.

• 51:37Lewis Howes?

  I'm in way over my head. Uh, but a blast, absolute blast. But work, you better be ready to work. You worked hard, huh?

• 51:43Speaker 01

  Yeah. It's a crash course in how to be a professional dancer.

• 51:46Lewis Howes?

  So six hours a day, training.

• 51:48Speaker 01

  Six, seven hours a day and there's no day off. Even on Sunday, you're, you know.

• 51:53Lewis Howes?

  In the studio.

• 51:54Speaker 01

  Got dress rehearsal, you got camera rehearsals today and dress rehearsals tomorrow because the show's tomorrow night. I mean, that's Sunday and Monday. And you've been spending four or five days leading up to that, learning a new dance.

• 52:04Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 52:05Speaker 01

  You're gonna walk out there on national TV and do. So, I mean, it's intense and.

• 52:10Lewis Howes?

  How far did you go?

• 52:11Speaker 01

  I made it three weeks.

• 52:13Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 52:14Speaker 01

  I think I've, you know, here's the thing, at the end of the day, it's a reality show.

• 52:18Lewis Howes?

  Yes.

• 52:18Speaker 01

  And it's not always about the dancing. I think we were probably better dancers than some of the people that went a lot further in the show, but there's more to it than that. It's about votes and about getting.

• 52:27Lewis Howes?

  Personality types and the hero that they want to put out there.

• 52:30Speaker 01

  Yeah, so there's a whole bunch of other things that are involved, but I had a blast doing it.

• 52:34Lewis Howes?

  Would you do it again?

• 52:36Speaker 01

  I would, actually. It was fun. I really enjoyed it. I've liked, loved to dance since I was a kid.

• 52:40Lewis Howes?

  Wow, really?

• 52:41Speaker 01

  My mom, you know, I think we're all petrified in the sixth grade, going into the seventh grade, we knew we were gonna have to do school dances. And we're all petrified. And they do dancing in PE class in the sixth grade. I think, you know, square dancing and other types of dancing, but to kind of break you in and get you ready mentally that this is what's gonna happen in junior high and high school. And I was petrified like everybody else. And my mom's like, oh, I love to dance. I used to do competitions when I was in school. And she taught me how to jitterbug. And, and so I had this great group of friends. We'd have dance competitions and all this stuff at our, our parties. And I just always loved it. I never did it formally until then.

• 53:22Lewis Howes?

  We'll make sure to link up. We'll find a video to link up from you dancing with the stars.

• 53:26Speaker 01

  Yeah, I, I think everybody was a little surprised that I, you know, 220 pounds I could actually move.

• 53:32Lewis Howes?

  It's really cool. Now, I'm curious. Now, now you've transitioned from UFC, MMA, fighting, and you started getting into the acting world. We've kind of talked about it a little bit. Some of the big things that I've seen that you've done, you've done all three Expendables. So you worked with Sylvester Stallone and Schwarzenegger.

• 53:49Speaker 01

  Some of the best guys in the business, for sure.

• 53:50Lewis Howes?

  Biggest actors in the world.

• 53:51Speaker 01

  Yeah, absolutely.

• 53:52Lewis Howes?

  That must have been incredible. You also did, uh, The Scorpion King 2, is that right?

• 53:56Speaker 01

  Mm-hmm.

• 53:56Lewis Howes?

  Ambushed and a few other things since then, right?

• 53:59Speaker 01

  I think I've done 29 now.

• 54:01Lewis Howes?

  29 movies?

• 54:01Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 54:02Lewis Howes?

  Holy cow.

• 54:03Speaker 01

  I've been doing it for 15 years.

• 54:04Lewis Howes?

  29 movies.

• 54:05Speaker 01

  My first movie experience was Cradle to the Grave.

• 54:07Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 54:08Speaker 01

  And they were looking for real cage fighters. So they went through the UFC, say, "We want some real cage fighters. Do you have some guys?" And I had my SAG card, uh, from a, from a commercial, uh, back in, in 96.

• 54:20Lewis Howes?

  So you were already in it?

• 54:22Speaker 01

  So, uh, they called me Chuck Liddell and Tito Ortiz to be in this movie as cage fighters. Which is not a stretch, right?

• 54:30Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 54:31Speaker 01

  And, uh, it was kind of underground fight scene and I ended up getting a fight scene with Jet Li, who was one of the stars in the movie, and I had one line in the movie, "Let's go, chicken shit." I must've said that 25 times to him.

• 54:43Lewis Howes?

  Practiced it?

• 54:44Speaker 01

  Like, "Oh, my gosh. If I have to say this one more time."

• 54:47Lewis Howes?

  They wanted to get the perfect look, huh?

• 54:49Speaker 01

  But that was like getting to go to Oz and see behind the curtain, you know, how, how, you know, the guy back there pulling the levers and making the smoke and the fire. It was really cool, very intriguing, very interesting, uh, getting to see the whole process. And I immediately fell in love with it. Uh, and I've been a guy who loved the movie since I was a little boy. My mom used to take me and my sisters to the Lynn Twin in Linwood where I grew up, to the double feature and, you know, they had the clown or something going on between the two movies and we'd stay and watch both movies and, uh, I just, since I was a little kid, I always loved the movies.

• 55:21Lewis Howes?

  That's cool.

• 55:22Speaker 01

  So.

• 55:22Lewis Howes?

  What's the, what was more, um, I guess you said you don't get nervous before a big fight, but what's scarier for you? A, uh, your first UFC fight or your first big movie? What was like more nerve-wracking?

• 55:36Speaker 01

  Uh, yeah, the first time I fought was definitely, uh, walking out, it just so surreal.

• 55:43Lewis Howes?

  50,000 screaming people.

• 55:44Speaker 01

  Yeah, and I think, you know, having had those experiences, walking out on the wrestling match for some big matches, you know, NCAA finals, Olympic trials.

• 55:54Lewis Howes?

  Pan Ams.

• 55:54Speaker 01

  World championships, some big matches, prepared me for then eventually walking out of that tunnel for a fight, different rules of engagement, a whole different thing. Fans are crazy.

• 56:06Lewis Howes?

  But you kind of had experience.

• 56:07Speaker 01

  But I kind of stepped up and then I think really being involved in the first season of The Ultimate Fighter, the reality show, having a camera follow you around 24/7.

• 56:18Lewis Howes?

  You got used to it, yeah.

• 56:19Speaker 01

  For the first week, it feels weird and you're like, yeah, there's a cameraman again. It's kind of, you're kind of self-conscious about it.

• 56:25Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah.

• 56:25Speaker 01

  But then after a while, you're just doing what you do and you forget about it, which can be good or bad.

• 56:30Lewis Howes?

  Cause if you say stupid stuff.

• 56:31Speaker 01

  Yeah, you say crap you shouldn't say. But, but I think then I was used to being in front of the camera. I didn't, I didn't, I wasn't self-conscious anymore. So then you get the chance to go to that first movie and again, I'm there as a fighter. That's not hard.

• 56:47Lewis Howes?

  Right.

• 56:47Speaker 01

  I mean, I've been doing that for a long time, so I just could be what I was and I didn't think about the camera. I wasn't worried about that and so, and then, you know, it built from there to, to actually getting to try and find ways to play characters.

• 57:01Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 57:01Speaker 01

  You know, you get to do and say and be things you would never be in real life, which is what's fun about it.

• 57:05Lewis Howes?

  That's cool. What was it like with those guys, with the Expendables, with all the all-stars?

• 57:09Speaker 01

  Man, it was surreal.

• 57:11Lewis Howes?

  So with them for a couple of months.

• 57:13Speaker 01

  Even them, even, even there looking at each other like, can you believe we're all here? This is crazy.

• 57:16Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 57:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was, you had this sense that they were like scratching their head, kind of looking at each other. You know, we got, we're, we're one and Expendables 2, we're in this city in Bulgaria called Plovtiv. And we're at this airport that we utterly destroy this airport in a one way, shape or form. And we're chasing Jean-Claude Van Damme's character through this airport and, and it's cold outside. So we're in these tents and we're all like tacking up. We're all putting all our gear on. There's Chuck Norris, Bruce Willis, Schwarzenegger.

• 57:47Lewis Howes?

  You'd had this training.

• 57:48Speaker 01

  Stallone.

• 57:49Lewis Howes?

  Everyone.

• 57:50Speaker 01

  Everybody there, we're all kind of getting this gear on and we're all kind of looking.

• 57:53Lewis Howes?

  Like a locker room or what?

• 57:53Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was like a locker room kind of. So we're all kind of looking at each other like, can you believe this? This is amazing, yeah. It was really cool.

• 58:01Lewis Howes?

  Wow, and you were like the, I mean, those guys were all mostly actors. You were, you know, becoming an actor. Was it different for you than it think for them, you think?

• 58:11Speaker 01

  I, you know.

• 58:11Lewis Howes?

  You're like, wow, these guys are just, you know, big movie stars.

• 58:15Speaker 01

  Well, they certainly know the lay of the land. And if you want to learn, if this is what you're aspiring to do, then what better group of guys to hang out with and kind of watch how they operate? And they demonstrated to me why they've been at the top of their game for 30 plus years, many of them. And the dichotomy of the couple of guys there that maybe have been way up and down.

• 58:34Lewis Howes?

  You could tell difference.

• 58:35Speaker 01

  They demonstrated why they've been way up and down, too. So it was, it was, you know, a learning experience for sure, if you're paying attention. Again, I apply those wrestler's eyes to everything I do. And so I'm paying attention. I'm spending time in Video Village, learning about lenses, learning about camera speeds, learning about why you shoot this one that way and how you light that one that way and that sort of thing. Just because it's really intriguing. It's a very interesting process. It's magic in some ways.

• 59:02Lewis Howes?

  It is, man. Did they, did anyone kind of like bring you under their wing, like Sylvester or Schwarzenegger? Did anyone like say, hey, come here, Randy, let me help you out a little bit?

• 59:10Speaker 01

  I've had a couple of directors along the way that have given me tidbits. I got to work with David Mamet in Red Belt. Great film, kind of an American Samurai story.

• 59:23Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 59:24Speaker 01

  And he's, you know, well renowned writer and director. And just kind of getting to hear from him, it's like, don't worry about the words. Just let it, just spit it out. Just say it like this. Just, you know. And Sly kind of reiterated that, too. We're, a first scene where all the Expendables come together in one. We're in this, we're about to go in these tunnels and try and rescue the girl. And, you know, there's four or five of us around there. It's the first scene where all of us come together. We, you know, the movie had been shooting for a couple of weeks, but that was the first one where all the Expendables came together in one camera shot. And so it was kind of, everybody was kind of buzzing about it. Yeah.

• 1:00:02Lewis Howes?

  Epic walking out scene, right?

• 1:00:03Speaker 01

  And then we're standing around this tunnel entrances, and there's three or four different things of dialogue that have to happen. So you have to know your lines, but you have to know your cue, too. When he says this, and it was kind of going sing-songy, the way it was coming out. And Sly's like, no, that's not, we're in a hurry here. We're getting ready to, you know, we're synchronized, our watches to go into this mission. This is not how this would be said. Spit it out. Quit, you know. And so we're like, okay, that made sense. So we just, you just let it go. And then it sounded right. It worked right. And so, you know, little things like that, that you have to pay attention to, that. These guys know these things.

• 1:00:40Lewis Howes?

  On that cast, the Expendables cast, who was the most impressive to you? They were just like, man, that guy is just a pro. And it's just like.

• 1:00:47Speaker 01

  Well, I spend the most, obviously, all three movies were, they're Sly's baby.

• 1:00:51Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:00:51Speaker 01

  And, and he wrote the first one. Uh, like Rambo, like Rocky. I mean, he's, he's very, very smart man. And to, to see, I don't know how he survived the first movie as the writer, the director.

• 1:01:06Lewis Howes?

  Producer, whatever.

• 1:01:07Speaker 01

  In front of the camera, we're running three units, you know, he's looking at all the dailies, doing all the rewrites, plus acting and directing. And I'm like.

• 1:01:16Lewis Howes?

  He's a machine.

• 1:01:16Speaker 01

  I'm, and we're working nights. We worked nights the entire film. I'm like, when, when does this guy sleep?

• 1:01:22Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 1:01:23Speaker 01

  So, um, but to, to have him adjust dialogue, you know, you know what? It makes more sense for him to say that. You say this. You say that, and let's try it that way.

• 1:01:34Lewis Howes?

  So there's a lot of editing on the go.

• 1:01:35Speaker 01

  And then, you know what? This scene needs, it's just, it needs flat. We need a, we need a one liner or something. And he'll come up with a one liner off the top of his head.

• 1:01:43Lewis Howes?

  Really?

• 1:01:44Speaker 01

  Uh, and just, I mean, he was just really, really brilliant.

• 1:01:48Lewis Howes?

  Wow.

• 1:01:49Speaker 01

  Very, very, very, very smart. And, you know, to Schwarzenegger's the same way. I've seen him step up in front of a thousand people at, at the Arnold Classic for the After School All-Stars.

• 1:01:59Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:01:59Speaker 01

  And just off the cuff.

• 1:02:00Lewis Howes?

  He's amazing.

• 1:02:01Speaker 01

  Gregariously engaged the entire audience.

• 1:02:04Lewis Howes?

  Humor.

• 1:02:04Speaker 01

  Yeah. And, and just, I mean, that's a gift.

• 1:02:07Lewis Howes?

  Gift.

• 1:02:08Speaker 01

  And, and everybody thinks because they talk funnier, they have an accent, that they're not smart. They're very smart guys.

• 1:02:13Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, brilliant. Wow. What do you think is a miss, uh, the biggest misconception about you that people have?

• 1:02:20Speaker 01

  Well, I think people most know me for walking up in a cage and punching guys in the face. And so there's a kind of a veneer or, or a particular appearance that comes with that. Yeah, there's a, you know, I'm a competitive.

• 1:02:33Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:33Speaker 01

  I can be an SOB, I can be a tough SOB if I need to be, but, but I, I think, uh, I'm a very normal, you know, I'm a normal guy. I could have lived next door to you for years and you'd have never known the difference.

• 1:02:44Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:02:46Speaker 01

  I've struggled with a lot of the same things that everybody else struggles with. They have a tendency to put these athletes up on these pedestals and it's really hard for them to live up to that. So I never tried to create a persona and I felt bad for guys like Tito. He kind of created this bad boy's persona and I've had this conversation with him. He's like, he hates it. He doesn't want to live up to that all the time. And you see now as he's matured that he's kind of let that go. He doesn't really have to be that guy anymore.

• 1:03:11Lewis Howes?

  Conor McGregor is another example.

• 1:03:13Speaker 01

  Exactly. He's got a, everybody expects that of him everywhere he goes.

• 1:03:17Lewis Howes?

  It's exhausting.

• 1:03:18Speaker 01

  Man, I can't imagine that that's really who he is. And I just tried to keep it simple. Try to be who I am. I love, I have a love for this. I really enjoy competition. Individual combative sports is what at 10 years old? Again, I started it for the, for the wrong reasons, probably to get my dad's attention, but I found what I loved. I found what I wanted to do. So it worked out.

• 1:03:42Lewis Howes?

  Have you reconnected with your dad a lot?

• 1:03:44Speaker 01

  Well, my dad passed a couple of years ago, but in the last 10 years of, of his life, we, we spent more time together than we did. For the first 30 of mine.

• 1:03:56Lewis Howes?

  Wow, that's great. Do you feel like you're...

• 1:03:57Speaker 01

  He loved fighting.

• 1:03:58Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:03:59Speaker 01

  Uh, he used, I used to bring him to the fights.

• 1:04:01Lewis Howes?

  So he did come to the fights.

• 1:04:02Speaker 01

  And, uh, and he was a big fan of that.

• 1:04:04Lewis Howes?

  That's cool.

• 1:04:04Speaker 01

  You know, he never saw me wrestle, which is where it started for me. And he came to a few soccer games when I was a kid. I loved soccer too. I started playing soccer at five years old. He came to a few soccer games, but he never came to a wrestling match, at least to my knowledge.

• 1:04:18Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:20Speaker 01

  You know.

• 1:04:20Lewis Howes?

  Did you get to...

• 1:04:21Speaker 01

  He missed out.

• 1:04:21Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, he missed out. Yeah. Did you get to, you know, kind of open up and use some of the tools you have now to share kind of how you felt about things from the past with them?

• 1:04:30Speaker 01

  I never got that opportunity. Um, we came close a couple of times.

• 1:04:38Speaker 01

  But we never really, and he was, he wasn't one of those guys that was very open with the way he felt.

• 1:04:44Lewis Howes?

  He didn't want to communicate, he didn't want to go there.

• 1:04:46Speaker 01

  Yeah, it was hard for him and, and I think there were things there that, that still hurt, still hurt for him.

• 1:04:52Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, he probably felt shameful and guilty and all those things.

• 1:04:55Speaker 01

  I don't know, it's, it's hard to say, but I suspect.

• 1:04:58Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:04:58Speaker 01

  And I saw as he got older, uh, and he never really paid much mind, didn't know my oldest two, Ryan and Amy, but, but my youngest, Kayden, he'd moved down to the lower forty-eight, he was closer. So whenever I went to see Kayden, he would drive the six hours down from, from Central Washington and spend the weekend with us. And really kind of doted on Kayden. And in my mind, I'm like, what the hell?

• 1:05:21Lewis Howes?

  What about the other two? Yeah.

• 1:05:23Speaker 01

  What about me?

• 1:05:24Lewis Howes?

  Are you?

• 1:05:25Speaker 01

  Where were you when I was this old, you know, and I think that's where he was at. I think he realized he'd missed something and he was kind of making up for it by, by, you know, Christmas gifts and different things with, with my youngest.

• 1:05:37Lewis Howes?

  Spoiling at me.

• 1:05:38Speaker 01

  And, you know, my youngest kind of got closer to him than any of the rest of us did.

• 1:05:44Speaker 01

  Uh, you know, Grandpa Ed, so.

• 1:05:46Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:05:47Speaker 01

  And then, you know, obviously the passing was, that was tough and it is what it is.

• 1:05:54Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. So you never got to really share with him how he felt or what we were upset about?

• 1:05:59Speaker 01

  No.

• 1:05:59Lewis Howes?

  No.

• 1:05:59Speaker 01

  I, I think he probably would have felt better if I did. If I'd have let, just blasted him and just, you know, let it all out.

• 1:06:08Lewis Howes?

  What do you think he would have said to him?

• 1:06:09Speaker 01

  I think he would have felt better. It would have been cathartic for him if, if I'd have, but I was, I just was never wired that way.

• 1:06:16Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:16Speaker 01

  And, uh, I don't think I had the, the skills to, to let all that out. At some point I just had to come to terms with it and let it go.

• 1:06:26Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:26Speaker 01

  I realized all the things that he put me through, all the things that, that, you know, dealing with my mom and as a single parent that she had to do to take care of three kids, they made me who I am.

• 1:06:37Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, exactly.

• 1:06:38Speaker 01

  So I'm okay with that. You know what? I can't harbor animosity and anger because of those things that made me who I am if I'm okay with who I am.

• 1:06:46Lewis Howes?

  Sure.

• 1:06:47Speaker 01

  So I had to let go of all that.

• 1:06:49Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. If you could just tell them one sentence what you'd want to share, you don't have to scream at them, but what would you do?

• 1:06:54Speaker 01

  I think that's what I would tell them.

• 1:06:56Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:06:56Speaker 01

  You know what? I, I was pissed off and, and I was upset that you were never around and, you know, I had to do father-son soccer games with, with. Tim's dad, John, instead of you, you never even saw me wrestle one time. But all those things drove me, they motivated me, they, you know, and I could have made a lot of other worse choices.

• 1:07:19Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:07:20Speaker 01

  I had, you know, a lot of guys use that as an excuse to be dirtbags, to be douchebags, to be drug addicts, to be whatever, you know? It motivated me to be better, to, to, to do the things I've done.

• 1:07:31Lewis Howes?

  Hmm, that's great, that's great. Um, final couple of questions, okay? I, I feel like I could talk to you all day about this stuff. I love the mindset, the toughness, everything that you're going through. This is exciting for me. Um, what are you most grateful for in your life recently?

• 1:07:47Speaker 01

  My family and my friends. Yeah, I have an amazing group of friends. They, you know, they help me with my charity endeavors. They, they understand me. They don't want to talk about fighting. They don't, you know, they're, they're, that's how, you know? Fans and.

• 1:08:01Lewis Howes?

  They don't care about that stuff.

• 1:08:02Speaker 01

  They don't care about any of that. They know me since way back.

• 1:08:06Lewis Howes?

  Before you were.

• 1:08:07Speaker 01

  Yeah.

• 1:08:08Lewis Howes?

  Before you were the guy.

• 1:08:09Speaker 01

  When I was wet in the bed.

• 1:08:11Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:12Speaker 01

  And so, you know, my mom and my sisters.

• 1:08:17Speaker 01

  Yeah, I think that's what boils down to. My kids are amazing.

• 1:08:21Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:21Speaker 01

  You know, and, and, uh, and the biggest struggle was with the youngest, with Kaden, and trying to be a bigger part of his life, being, finding time and spending more time and, and having an impact on him.

• 1:08:32Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:08:33Speaker 01

  And, uh, he's kind of coming into those years where that's, it's going to make a big difference.

• 1:08:38Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, for sure.

• 1:08:38Speaker 01

  And it's, it's a challenge.

• 1:08:40Lewis Howes?

  Yeah. What's the dream for you now? Is it to be, um, you know, if you could write the story for the next 50 years? You've had an incredible first half of your life, essentially. If you could write the next half of your life, what would the movie script look like for you? Like, what would you create? What roles would you have? What type of person would you be? You know, what's, would you run for office? You know, what's, what are the things that you want to do?

• 1:09:05Speaker 01

  I don't see myself running for office. Uh, and I don't know, for some reason, again, I think turning 50 was, there was something about. All that, I've been writing poetry since I was in college. Wow. At my mid twenties and accumulated all these poems and things that I'd written over the years. I'd never shared them with anybody ever and and if something happened, I don't know, at fifty, turning fifty and realizing I lived a half a century, I started posting some of them and letting some of that out. And, you know, my GI Foundation is something that means a lot to me. You know, having worn the uniform in the eighties and never had a shot at, never got, put my ass on the line. Right.

• 1:09:47Speaker 01

  Unlike the guys nowadays that are dealing with, you know, traumatic brain injuries and PTSD and living through things that a lot of guys didn't live through before, missing limbs and stuff. Yeah, it's tough. Trying to raise awareness and money and help some of these guys out that need a little extra help has been something I've been involved in for the last eight years that means a lot to me. You know, seeing Ryan continue to flourish and do the things that he seems to have a passion for and, you know, kind of hopefully pass that mantle on to him, let him take, take the brand, take the things that I started and let him continue with that. I'd like, you know, that's something I want to continue and I'm having a blast acting. Getting, you know, learning more, getting better at it.

• 1:10:33Speaker 01

  I want to be challenged. It'd be easy to do the, the action films or, or, you know, the fighter stuff, the martial arts stuff. I, I want more challenging stuff, so trying to fare it out and put myself in those situations.

• 1:10:50Speaker 01

  Learn to let all that stuff out. Yeah, sure. And just show it and, and embrace it. Yeah. Are you doing a consistent acting class too, where you're? I have a coach that I work with that I, I really, really enjoy. And he's been on every end of the spectrum. He's an amazing guy, Barry, Barry Primus, it helps, has been working with him for about six or seven years. That's cool. So getting a chance to spend more time with him when I can. And it seems like we get less and less time, but uh yeah, when I got a role coming up, when I got a script that that I'm gonna have to, you know,

• 1:11:29Lewis Howes?

  He's in your corner.

• 1:11:30Speaker 01

  The challenge, yeah, he helps me kind of ferret out, dig through it and and find a way to relate to that character to to tell the truth, to to play that character and tell the truth, no matter what he does.

• 1:11:40Lewis Howes?

  Right, cool. That's cool. Okay. Um, this is a question I asked at the end for everyone. It's called the three truths, three truths question. And I didn't prepare you for this, so this is off the cuff from Randy. But um, if this is, uh, you know, many years from now, it's your last day. And it's your last day here on this earth and

• 1:11:58Speaker 01

  You never know, do you?

• 1:11:59Lewis Howes?

  You never know, but let's say it's many, many years, another half a century.

• 1:12:02Speaker 01

  Fill these lungs for the last time, right here.

• 1:12:03Lewis Howes?

  You never know. Yeah, this is it, but uh, let's say it's a few years from now, let's say. And um,

• 1:12:10Speaker 01

  Let's hope. How's that?

• 1:12:11Lewis Howes?

  Okay, let's hope, yes. And you've achieved everything you want, everything you say you want, you went out and you've done it. Uh, you know, a lot of it's a lot of, a lot of hard work still, but you created it. And um, everything you've created, for whatever reason, has been erased. All the movies, the books you've written, the poetry you've put out there, it's it's gone. And uh, your great great grandchild comes up and says, here's a piece of paper and a pen, can you write down the three truths that you know from your whole life, everything you know to be true? If you boil it down to three simple things that would you'd pass on to us, essentially that we could look at, we could frame it, and it would be, you know, your example of how to live life or what you know to be true. What would be those three truths for you?

• 1:12:53Speaker 01

  Hmm. I think, I think you gotta live. I think a lot of people are going through the motions, they're not really living. Uh, you gotta love. I think we uh, it sounds like a poster already, doesn't it? Live, laugh, and love. I I think I've had a lot of fun doing the things that I do. Even when there was a lot of work involved. Um, but I think you do those three things the best that you can. Don't go through the motions. Do what you wanna do. Do, do, live, live how you wanna live. And you better smile and have fun doing it and try to find somebody to share it with. Love, you know, love somebody, find, find somebody to share it with.

• 1:13:35Lewis Howes?

  Hmm, I love that. Simple, man, but it's effective. That's great. Um, well, before I ask the final question, I would acknowledge you for a moment, Randy, for your incredible symbol of excellence, you know, at every stage of your life so far, you've been a great symbol of showing what's possible for people, you know, starting late, uh, you know, kind of getting fame late in your thirties, starting a sport that you've never done before and excelling it, you know, being six time champion, world champion, it's incredible. But also doing it with a smile on your face and not having to be this like tough guy like mean or nasty about it, but really being like, hey, I can be a nice guy as well and also achieve my goal. In the context, yeah, still punching the face.

• 1:14:19Lewis Howes?

  But, uh, your, your level of humility is unbelievable. Your humility and your symbol for excellence, like I know how much work you put in. It's unbelievable the amount of energy and effort you put in to achieve what you do. So I just want to acknowledge you for your incredible symbol and for the the man that you are and the, how you represent manhood in a great way.

• 1:14:41Speaker 01

  Well, thank you.

• 1:14:42Lewis Howes?

  Yeah, yeah, yeah.

• 1:14:43Speaker 01

  Appreciate that.

• 1:14:43Lewis Howes?

  And, um, before I ask the final question, where can we hang out with you and connect with you most? Where should we go? What's the website or social media?

• 1:14:52Speaker 01

  I'm on, uh, Randy underscore couture on Twitter, Randy Couture on Facebook, uh, XC Natch on Instagram.

• 1:15:00Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 1:15:01Speaker 01

  Um.

• 1:15:02Lewis Howes?

  Where do you hang out the most? Where do you like, which platform?

• 1:15:04Speaker 01

  They all, you know, everybody's got a smartphone now. They all kind of come to your smartphone. They're all kind of intertwined and connected. So my post on one, they kind of bleed over and post everywhere and, and, uh, and kind of track me that way. The, the gym website, uh, the G I. Foundation, Extreme Couture, G I. Foundation dot org.

• 1:15:23Lewis Howes?

  Okay.

• 1:15:23Speaker 01

  XC G I F dot org. All those are kind of the calendars of where I'm at, what's going on with me.

• 1:15:28Lewis Howes?

  Sweet, sweet.

• 1:15:30Speaker 01

  And we just had a big month for the charity this last month.

• 1:15:33Lewis Howes?

  Yeah.

• 1:15:33Speaker 01

  Big ride down in Georgia, big, big, uh, country concert down there. We just had our eighth annual ride and, and country concert in, uh, Vegas as well.

• 1:15:41Lewis Howes?

  Nice. Okay.

• 1:15:43Speaker 01

  Rubbing elbows with a lot of soldiers and having a lot of fun.

• 1:15:46Lewis Howes?

  That's great. We'll have it all linked up here on the show notes afterwards. So make sure you guys go check it out. Follow Randy and check out the, the sites as well. Uh, the final question is, what's your definition of greatness?

• 1:15:57Speaker 01

  Uh, I, I think it's, it's easy to admire and, and kind of peg the guy that wins all the time. As being great, but in my opinion, I think your true measure of greatness is how somebody deals with losing. How somebody deals with loss and how they respond to that adversity. That's what's really going to show me your character. That's what really going to tell me what you're all about. And so that's, that's when I start to pay attention.

• 1:16:25Lewis Howes?

  Hmm.

• 1:16:26Speaker 01

  Is what happens, you know, everybody talked about Ronda Rousey losing this last year. And I'm like, well, now we get to really see what Ronda Rousey's made of and, and what, what, how is she going to respond to that adversity? And I suspect that, and we haven't seen it yet, but I suspect that she's going to pick herself up and we'll see her come back as strong as ever. But, uh, you know, uh, I think dealing with that, that kind of adversity and loss is, is what greatness is all about. That's what great people do. Pick themselves up. They figure out where they went wrong and they get about doing it better.

• 1:16:57Lewis Howes?

  Hmm. The legendary Randy Couture. Thanks for coming on, man. Appreciate it.

• 1:17:01Speaker 01

  Thanks for having me.

• 1:17:04Lewis Howes?

  And there you have it. I hope you enjoyed this episode with the one and only Randy Couture. And if you did, make sure to share this out and give Randy some love. Tweet him, post about him on Instagram and Facebook. All of his information is back at lewishouse.com/335. If you enjoyed this as well, leave a comment, leave a comment below the blog or below the YouTube video. Uh, over on youtube.com/lewishouse and let me know what you think. Let me know. Um, what you took away from this episode in the comments section as well. And if you enjoyed this, make sure to please leave us a review. When you leave a review, it helps us get more awareness about the podcast. So if you love the podcast, if you appreciate getting it for free, if you appreciate the guests that I'm getting on here,

• 1:17:48Lewis Howes?

  then make sure to help spread the word by promoting it and also leaving a. Review on iTunes. You guys mean the world to me and you're never too old or too young to achieve your dreams and pursue them. And Randy's an incredible example and symbol of that. So I hope you took that away from this episode and you can still go after your dreams and be a nice, genuine, loving human being. You don't have to be some nasty, mean person. Even if you're fighting or wrestling, you can still be joyful and bring a smile to the cage and to the ring. In any area of your life, you can do it with joy and positivity and lifting others up around you. You don't have to take others down in order for you to get to the top.

• 1:18:33Lewis Howes?

  It's about making sure everyone wins around you and I hope you guys feel that and know that and continue to do that in your lives as well. I appreciate you. I love you guys very much. You mean the world to me and you know what time it is. It's time to go out there and do something great.